#I grew apart one of my best friends this summer without realizing how far

[assiraphales]

the moment you realize the good times are behind you is so so bone deep painful. not all the good times (there will be more) — but a specific flavor. a friend you said you’d always love, and you always will, but now from a distance. a place you thought you’d have forever is now someone else’s. they’ve been over for a while but you just noticed. you could try to recreate them but it feels like a disservice to the original “good times”. a hollow, not quite right, attempt. and now they’re just memories out of arms reach

[asweetprologue]

me lámh le do lámh - Part I

Ahh I can’t believe it’s finally done! After a year of working on this beast, it’s finally ready for me to share. This is something I started way back last summer, and I decided to finish it as my project for this year’s @geraskierbigbang. It will be ten parts in total, and I will post one part per day until it is complete! There are several art pieces that were created by the wonderful @herostag​ and Miranda.draws for this story, which I will link when the appropriate section is posted. For a summary and further links, please see the masterpost.

Next | Ao3 | Masterpost

“Alright,” Geralt said. “Don’t laugh at me.”

Yennefer looked up at him with bright eyes, curious and already mirthful. She was sitting across from him in his quarters, reading through a tome she’d found in Kaer Morhen’s disheveled library. Geralt had just come from a bath after hours spent training Ciri in the yard, and the room was filled with the warm evening light, supplemented by the fire crackling in the hearth. Yennefer had insisted on carting dozens of tapestries and drapes to hang around the drafty keep, and the room was nearly stuffy with their bulk keeping the heat in.

Yennefer gave him an amused smirk. “I will make no such promises before I even know what you’re going to say.” The gentle teasing brought a fond smile to Geralt’s face. After the events of the mountain all those years ago, things had been understandably tense. Yennefer had been reluctant to join them when she had finally met up with Geralt after Sodden, but had eventually agreed to seek refuge in the witchers’ keep and teach Ciri to control her magic. Once she’d met the girl it had all been a wash; it was clear as soon as their eyes met across the room that Yennefer was as much a part of Ciri’s destiny as Geralt was.

Geralt had expected that to either mend the rift between them enough for things to go back to the way things were, or make things even more awkward. Instead, they found themselves in a sort of in-between. Over the years his affection for Yennefer had only grown, but he found himself looking to her more and more as a friend—maybe his best friend. After Jaskier, of course.

Speaking of. “I was thinking about Jaskier.”

Yennefer rolled her eyes obviously. “As you are so frequently wont to do. The thaw will come soon enough, dear, and you can run off in search of your bard.”

Geralt felt his ears grow warm. Witchers couldn’t blush, not truly, but he still felt the tingle of it as he fidgeted with embarrassment. “That’s not what I meant,” he said, absently tracing a finger against the grain of the wooden table. There were two goblets of wine sitting between them, but so far neither of them had begun to drink. “Do you know how many winters it’s been since I found Ciri?”

If she was confused by the odd turn in subject matter, Yennefer didn’t show it. Instead she looked thoughtful. “Two, perhaps three? You know I don’t follow the seasons with diligence.”

“Neither do I,” Geralt agreed. “I was thinking the same though, two or three years since the fall of Cintra. Which means Jaskier is…” He paused, trying to do the math. “He was a few years past forty, during the dragon hunt, I think. He must be closer to fifty now than not.”

Yennefer raised an eyebrow at him. “I recall mentioning something about his crows feet. What of it? Humans age. Are you only just discovering this?”

Geralt forced himself not to grumble. In a way, he was only discovering it. He’d known humans across the years, of course, and knew that many that he’d once been acquainted with were no longer alive or were in their twilight years. For decades Geralt had wandered through the world, changing no more than a ghost would, touching the lives of regular mortals for a brief instance, maybe a few times if they were particularly unlucky. No one had stayed by his side, dedicated themselves to a relationship with him, the way that the bard had. The amount of devotion that Jaskier showed to him had made Geralt antsy, in earlier years, and then confused and angry by turn. He had hated the idea of someone needing him, had hated needing someone in return. The way his chest felt heavy when he and Jaskier parted ways had left him furious with himself and the bard.

And then Ciri came into his life, and everything had changed so quickly.

With Ciri, it didn’t matter whether Geralt felt like he should care for her, or if he wanted to. He needed to. Without him, the girl would die, or be kidnapped by Nilfgaard for who knows what purpose. He had to feed her, and clothe her, and teach her, and he had to love her for her to thrive.

She made it very easy. It was only afterwards that he realized how much of an idiot he’d been to Jaskier, and the thought of how he’d treated the bard over the years had plagued him. It had been months before he could find him to apologize, but Jaskier forgave him almost immediately—which Geralt found both relieving and infuriating at the same time. This was the first winter they’d spent apart since. Geralt left the keep more rarely now, heading out on the Path only when the months grew truly warm and returning at the first hint of falling leaves. Ciri was safe on her own, he knew, but he missed her when he was away. And he could admit now that one of the forces driving him back into the world over the last few years had been the itching desire to find Jaskier again and settle the yearning in his chest for another year. He was less inclined to venture forth when his bard, his daughter, Yennefer and his brothers were all in one place.

This winter Jaskier had begged off, saying that he had “work in the south,” which could mean anything from spending a decadent winter in the court of some noble or sludging through the front lines as a Redanian spy. Geralt had learned not to pry too deeply into Jaskier’s business when he wasn’t around. It was often either too explicit for him to stomach or too confidential for Jaskier to share freely.

It worried him, being away from the bard for so long. He could get hurt, or captured by Nilfgaard, or worse. But what really terrified Geralt was the idea that he would find Jaskier in a tavern along the Path and realize that the bard had grown old, to find silver in his hair and wrinkles beside his eyes. “He’s getting too old,” Geralt said to Yennefer, who looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

“You must have known when you started travelling with him that he would eventually leave you,” Yennefer said, not unkindly. “Humans are so short lived.”

“I didn’t exactly get a choice about becoming his muse,” Geralt said with a huff. Despite his improved relationship with Jaskier over the past few years, he still found it difficult to admit that he had always been more than willing to let the bard tag along. If he’d wanted to travel alone, he would have. But he never had. “I just didn’t realize…”

“It always comes sooner than you think it will,” Yennefer sighed. She set her book aside and picked up her goblet of wine, turning to look out the large window their table sat in front of. It faced west out of the keep wall, towards the mountains and the forest beyond. The sun had set below the craggy peaks, throwing the snow covered valley below into darkness. Geralt could just make out the ruins of the old tower, its stones dark against the white landscape. “You can’t cure his mortality, Geralt.”

“We did.”

The look that Yennefer gave him was sharp, almost angry. The firelight in the room turned her violet eyes darker, like mulberry wine. “At great cost,” she snapped. “I can’t imagine you would put him through the Trials.”

A stab of panic shot through his gut at the thought. “No. Of course not. He wouldn’t survive it anyways. Only children stand a chance at all.”

Yennefer nodded, apparently satisfied that Geralt hadn’t completely lost his mind. “The boy hasn’t got an ounce of Chaos in him, in spite of his rather chaotic nature, so I highly doubt they’ll accept him as a late trainee at Ban Ard.”

“There must be other ways,” Geralt said, feeling petulant. “Less conventional.”

“I cannot believe we are actually discussing this,” Yennefer said, rising to her feet. She picked up her book from the table as well as her glass. “There is no way to achieve immortality, especially not without sacrifice. You know that, Geralt. Drop this foolish line of thought.”

Geralt rose after her, reaching out to catch her retreating wrist. A grasp loose enough that she could break it, if she wanted, but Yennefer paused. “Please, Yen. Just… look into it for me? I can’t—the thought of—” He cut himself off, dropping his hand away from her arm. The look she gave him was more pitying than he would have liked.

“I’ll do some research, but nothing more. Don’t get your hopes up, Geralt. There’s a reason there are so few of us,” she said. Her face softened slightly, as much as it ever did. Despite Ciri, Yennefer was still made of more glass and fire than anything else. “I know you love him, even if you can’t admit it to yourself. I promise, I will do my best.”

Geralt nodded wordlessly as she left and wondered if Jaskier's eyes would be as bright next time he saw him.

*

For weeks Yennefer said nothing about his request, and Geralt refocused on spending time with Ciri and preparing to depart for the spring. Lambert and Eskel had already left a month before, as soon as the road down the mountain began to thaw, but Geralt had hung back. The roof needed repairs, a difficult job to do in the midst of winter, and it was a hard task to leave for Vesemir alone. It was always like this, now—him looking for odd jobs to keep him at Kaer Morhen, with Ciri, making excuses until Jaskier’s jitteriness or Vesemir’s raised eyebrows forced them on the road again. Some of that was mitigated this season by the silence he heard when he found himself listening for the sounds of lute strings strumming gently in the background, and Geralt’s increasing anxiety about Jaskier’s wellbeing. Even so, it was hard to leave Ciri behind.

The girl was progressing rapidly as she entered her teen years, the chubbiness of her youth morphing into lean if awkward muscle as she continued to work on her swordsmanship. When Geralt and his brothers weren’t pushing her through drills, she was studying monsters and alchemy with Vesemir, or practicing her magic with Yen. She never seemed to tire, eagerly absorbing any lessons passed on to her and desperate to prove her worth. The only person she seemed to let her guard down around was Geralt, who found himself often goading her into mock wrestling matches (which he refused to throw on principle) and humoring her when she became restless and wanted to explore beyond the keep. Kaer Morhen was dangerous in the winter, but as spring approached and the deep snows on the surrounding mountains began to thaw, the duo spent more and more time trekking through old ruins and sleeping beneath the stars.

He could put off his journey south no longer.

“I’m going to be fine, Geralt,” she said, rolling her eyes at him. He wondered if he’d been this petulant as a teenager. Certainly Lambert had. “I can take care of myself, and Yen will be with me.”

Geralt tapped her wooden training sword with his own, indicating that she should prepare to go again. When he was a boy he’d trained against the other foundlings, stumbling around like pups through drills and sparring matches. Ciri trained against full witchers, and only Eskel ever faked a misstep here or there to allow her to get in a good hit. When she won a fight for the first time, it would be on her own merit.

The girl raised her sword into a decent fighting stance, and Geralt moved to correct her footwork. Her sword work was exceptional above the belt, but she consistently forgot her stances, throwing herself off balance. They’d begun putting her on the pendulums to force her to focus, dancing between posts to attack the dummies. Geralt had spent many a night rubbing salve into her bruised shoulders, gained from taking fall after fall from the low poles. No one forced her, but if there was one thing Ciri hated, it was admitting to weakness in herself. “Sword up,” Geralt said, and launched into his attack.

He stayed on the offense, forcing her to practice the defensive drills they’d started going over recently. “I know you’ll be fine,” he said, continuing their conversation. His breathing was relaxed, almost meditative through the slow exchange of blows. “Just seems cruel to leave you with only the old man and Yennefer for company.”

Ciri giggled despite herself, and Geralt found himself grinning back before he smacked her lightly in the ribs with the training sword. She swore—Lambert, Geralt thought with chagrin—and danced back a few paces. “Gotta focus,” he said, still smirking at her.

She poked her tongue out at him childishly and reposted off of one of his blocked attacks. He easily swayed out of the way, but the movement was fluid and smooth, which meant someday it would be fast, faster than he could dodge. He gave an encouraging nod.

They continued to spar for another half an hour or so before breaking, heading to the well to fill their water pouches. Geralt sat on the short ring of stones and Ciri slumped on the ground beside him, leaning against his leg. The simple trust and familiarity she exhibited around him still took him by surprise, sometimes. “I’m leaving tomorrow,” he said, rubbing a hand over the top of her head. Her hair was almost as white as his.

She sighed, wiping dripping water from her chin as she tossed her water pouch down. “I figured,” she said. “Say hello to Jaskier for me, when you find him? I missed his songs this time.”

Geralt’s caress turned into a playful ruffle. “I will. Any requests for books?”

“Ones about Elves,” she said immediately, “and Skelligan alchemy. It’s different from ours, did you know? The Druids—”

Geralt chuckled. “I know. You’ve said half a dozen times. No fairytales this time?”

The girl hummed, reminding him for a brief and touching moment of himself. “Just bring Jaskier back. He tells about your adventures so much better than you do.”

“He’s certainly made a career out of it,” Geralt grumbled, feigning annoyance. “I’ll do my best. You know how he is.”

“You missed him too,” she said, hitting his knee with one closed fist. “I know you did. You get all…Well, more grumbly and mopey than usual, when he’s not around.” She wrinkled her nose up at him in exaggerated disgust. “It’s gross. But I do want you to be happy.”

Geralt knocked back against her gently with his knee, swallowing around the feelings that rose in his throat. “You just think I’m a boring old man who won’t help you put toads in Eskel’s bed. But you never even ask. I’m the expert, not Jaskier.”

Ciri laughed, bright and crisp in the morning air, and Geralt felt warm despite the fading winter chill. Tomorrow he would leave, and he would find Jaskier, and next winter he would tell Jaskier that he had to stay at Kaer Morhen. For Ciri, if nothing else. And if it was more for Geralt’s sake than anything, well, no one had to know.

*

Yennefer found him before he left, saddling Roach in the stables.

“Go to Triss,” she said by way of a greeting. Geralt knew what she meant by the gravity in her tone and the tension sitting in the corners of her mouth. “Ask after Ida. I don’t know where she is or if she’ll speak with you, but a Sage is the only one that might be able to give you anything.”

Geralt reached out to grasp her hand firmly in his own. “Thank you, Yen,” he said honestly.

The sorceress sniffed. “Well, you owe me one, I suppose. I hope you find what you're looking for. But be careful.”

“I won’t do anything that might put him in harm’s way,” he promised. “I swear it.”

“Good.” She gave him a slight smile before leaning in to brush a kiss over his rough cheek. The simple touch warmed him from inside out. “Say hello to the bard for me. Tell him I heard about that disastrous competition in Vizima. Ought to have him stewing for a good long while.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “I’ll give him your love as always.”

“Goodbye, Geralt,” she said, patting his arm lightly. “Be safe. You know how to reach me, if you have need.”

“I do,” he said. “I will. Take care of Ciri.”

“It’s more the other way around, I’m afraid,” she said with a soft smile, and Geralt understood exactly what she meant. Ciri had saved them both, in more ways than one. Every time he left her was more painful than the last. Someday, he knew, they might travel the Path together, a witcher, a sorceress and their daughter. Maybe even a bard, if he was extremely lucky.

Geralt hoped he would be.

[alreadyblondenow]

Easy come, easy go

“I’m saying, we’re not going to be okay when we’re apart. I’m not sure if I could give the same efforts you’re about to offer in the future,”

Pairing: Jeno x female!reader Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST. Enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, summer love WC: 3,038k Warnings: female reader wears lipstick, jeno putting on lipstick to you, swearing, mentions of parties and one beer, but no alcohol consumption, high school graduates so it the summer before college starts. Unprotected sex, mentions of making out, breakup, couch sex, mentions of other idols.  A/N: I’m in a jeno mood for days already now ughs

It all started this summer, where your cousin Haechan introduced you to some of his friends to somehow help you make new friends over the summer. Having new friends is nice of course, who wouldn't want that. But meeting Lee Jeno and being nice to him was the worst decision you made so far. He was annoying, rude, has poor eyesight and seriously you don't understand why girls go crazy over him. It's like he is this walking nightmare the whole summer that you try to avoid at all costs but you just can't because he and Haechan are best friends.

"The guy likes you. Jeno is not usually "rude" to girls, in fact, he's good with girls. So just have more patience with him," Haechan explains after you rant your heart out during a house party. "Fix your lipstick its smudge- I'll go get you a beer, wait here" and so you did, you took out your phone and your lipstick, trying to re-apply it under the dim lights and neon lights, then suddenly someone bumped your shoulder so hard and spilled their drink on your thin blouse.

It was Jeno. And instead of saying sorry he let out a small laugh and pretended that he didn't do it on purpose. "You look like a clown- uh, your lips... here let me get that for you-"

"Fuck you. Don't touch me," you said sternly and walked away. Leaving Jeno completely speechless and worried because he really did fucked up this time.

You looked for the nearest bathroom and wash away the beer from your blouse but it's useless. The beer stained already it's so obvious, not to mention your face is a mess and Jeno was right you look like a clown because you didn't notice you put on too much lipstick earlier. "Fuck" you murmured and got a tissue to wipe away your ruined makeup.

"Y/n, it's Jeno uhm... Can you please open the door so we could talk, and I could apologize sincerely" he rests his head on the door while holding on to the knob, waiting for you to open it. Thankfully, you did but not because you're being soft this time, you only opened the door because sooner or later you have to deal with him and you rather talk to him in private.

"What?" you asked without meeting his eyes and trying to re-apply your lipstick again but this time you're sure you'll get it right.

"I really didn't mean it earlier. I have poor eyesight and as you can see I don't have glasses right now, so that's why... I'm really sorry." he explained, short but you know it's the truth. He wouldn't come and find you if he didn't want to apologize.

"Apology accepted," you leaned on the mirror and continue to what you're doing but to your surprise, he came closer, grabbed you by the waist gently, and took the lipstick out of your hand.

"Turn towards me," you do as you're told, he then lifted your head, and then you watch him put a little pigment on his middle finger, just enough for your lips and just how you like it. Is he really this good with girls that he even knew how to apply lipstick? "Part you lips," he requests.

But it was a request that made the atmosphere a little warmer and it both made your hearts beat so fast.

Gently then he dabs his finger lightly on your lips, carefully putting enough color into it and careful not to ruin it again for the second time. And when he's done, you simply locked eyes and that's when you saw that he does like you.

Then he kissed you and stopped the world for you. Everything turned silent even though the party music outside the bathroom was blaring and everyone seems to be shouting. It was a quick kiss but it felt so good and right at the same time that Jeno asked for more and wanted to deepen the kiss but you stopped him.

"Okay okay. I understand now," you giggle and erased the pigment on his lips with your thumb. "Let's take it slow," you said and smiled at him but the man who's smiling so big in front of you reached out for the doorknob and locked it. You would be lying if you say you don't want him to kiss you again.

A few days after the kiss, Jeno didn't stop teasing you in front of his friends but it got lessen. A few days later, the little crush grew and grew until Jeno decided he really wanted to try and make things work with you. He can be so annoying to the point that you wanted to punch him, but you know that he's serious when it comes to his feelings. Jeno can be a real asshole sometimes, but the man knew how to make you happy and smile privately.

After the first month of summer, you and Jeno had the time of your lives and spend your precious time together privately. Night swimming in his house, sneaking out to make out during parties with friends, you visiting him during his work and wait for him until its closing time. The first month was beautiful and you didn't expect you would have a great time with someone you used to hate. Even though you hide what relationship you have from everyone, you and Jeno love the privacy and to be honest you don't care if he doesn't flex you to everyone. The man loves you and that's what's important.

“Welcome, beautiful”

Jeno said with a big and teasing smile as you enter the coffee shop his family owns and where he usually works whenever he’s free. “You here to see me? I knew it, you always had a crush on me” he teases further.

“No dumbass, I’m here to buy Haechan a cake,” you said, scanning the displayed cakes and avoiding to look at Jeno’s handsome smile. “I’ll take the birthday cake, and three candles please”

You watch Jeno put the cake and secure it in a box, with the three candles as requested. Giving it to you before he accepts your payment, "You're really not here for me? While I think about you every second of the day?" he pouts and crossed his arms.

"Oh you're annoying, see you tonight" you rolled your eyes but left a smile before you leave him.

Tonight is Haechan's birthday and everyone at home was busy preparing for the party including you. It's a sleepover, only Haechan's closest friends and a few family members were invited that's why you're lucky you get to sleep with Jeno tonight, you just have to plan out how you can sneak out without the others seeing you.

As the party started and guests started arriving, you and Jeno barely talked to each other because you were busy talking to your relatives. But he never let you out of his sight, he was watching you from afar and listing the names of the guys who talk to you tonight in his head. And when all family members came home and everyone who stayed are all drunk and sleeping, you went downstairs to where Jeno is sleeping and brought him a pillow and a blanket.

"Thought you forgot about me already, hi" he waited for you on the couch while he's laying comfortably there with all the lights turned off and only the light from the swimming pool illuminates the room.

"Don't you want to sleep somewhere comfortable?" you whisper and sat on top of him, legs on both of his sides.

"Now that you're on top of me, this is my definition of comfort" he smiled so sweetly and reached for your face to cup it and kiss you. "Let's sleep here tonight," he whispered and pulled your body closer to him. Lips moving, tongue swirling on each other while your hands are intertwined. Letting yourselves enjoy this quiet night for this busy day kept you both apart from each other for so long.

"Jaemin was too friendly with you earlier,"

"I didn't notice- wait, you were watching me the whole time?" you whispered back.

"Of course I'm watching you,"

"Well if we go out in public he wouldn't be so clueless, and you wouldn't end up hating your friend"

"I like the privacy we have. Plus do you realize how much teasing we'd get from Haechan?" you agreed to him and placed your head on top of his chest to listen to his heartbeat. "You know when I first saw you my heart beat so fast that I ended up being rude to you instead of acting cute," you feel the vibrations of his giggle and hear him well. It was just a few words, a sincere gesture and, a little honesty but it made you feel something deep inside that made you confess your love to him.

"I love you. I know it's too early to say it, but there I said. I love you," you hide your face on the side of his neck and feel him soothe your back.

"I was planning to say it first, that's not fair. But, me too. I love you too." he searched for your eyes and flashed a handsome smile at you. Tracing your lips as he remembers the first night he kissed you for the first time. Then you came closer to him for a kiss but the moment heated in no time and the next thing you know you're pulling down Jeno's shorts and palm his big cock through his boxers briefs.

He let out guttural sounds, proof that he's loving the pleasure but careful enough not to be heard so you kissed him and caught all his moans as you continue to work on his cock and eventually started grinding on top of him.

"Are we really having our first on a couch?" he whispered in between kissing, hands started to undo the buttons from your sleepwear. Finally exposing yourself to him, "beautiful as always," he murmured but you rolled your eyes on him, making you both giggle quietly. You removed his shirt and proceed to kiss his very hot body, kissing him on the neck, his collar bones, abs, and most importantly, his sensitive nipples that made him part his lips when your tongue made contact with it. "You're going to be the death of me," he said and slipped his hand inside your thin shorts to palm your ass. You then took initiative, to remove your shorts and throw it on the floor. Now that you're both only in your underwear it made you even more excited.

Slowly Jeno let his hand wander around your body, touching your boobs for the very first time and brushing his fingers oh so softly on your nipples and make them hard just like what you did to his. Until you intentionally came closer to him so you're boobs are near his face and did not hesitate to suck it until both of your nipples are swollen.

"When was the last time you had sex?" he whispered beside your ear and the way he asked you just made you breathe in deeply and let out a small moan.

"Let's just say that it's been too long that you will think you're fucking a virgin,"

"It's going to be a long night then," he said and immediately put two fingers inside you which made you hold onto his shoulder and grind on his fingers. "You were right," Jeno felt how tight you were and became more excited that he moved his finger deeper and curled them, massaging your tight walls and watching you enjoy the pleasure that he give you while you're on top of him.

Then he removed it and you let out a heavy sigh because of frustration, you were so wet by this time and you see his boxers briefs stained with your pussy juices and you swear, you wanted to get mad at him but now is not the time. "Put your fingers back in please,"

“You were so close to cumming, don't you want to cum on my dick instead?" he asked you, pulling his hard cock from his boxers briefs and reaching for your hand for you to palm it and feel how big he is. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you look at how big he is and you knew right then and there that he will feel good. So you position yourself comfortably on top of him, touching yourself for a few seconds before you let him line his cock on your hole.

"Just go slow," he said before you sink down and take him whole. Lips parting and eyebrows furrowing as you take him and let his big cock stretch you out. And when it's finally in, you breathe in and out heavily before you move your hips and make you both feel good.

"Oh fuck" he croaked and place his hands on your waist pulling you closer to him so he could keep you close. "Go slower," he whispered beside your ear then watch your pussy swallow his dick. The sight of it just made him want to fuck you hard tonight, break you and make you scream but he can't.

From the tip of his cock right to his balls, you were that deep that you were both losing your minds at that very moment. His hands roam around your body but it mostly stays on your ass, caressing your butt cheeks and teasing your butthole for a few times so you clench around him. "That's cheating," you joke and kissed him.

He pulled you in for a hug and focused on how you fuck him. Yes, fuck him. And this time a little faster and deeper that he's already on edge and making faces already. Faces that he does whenever he's about to have a mind blowing orgasm that he rarely gets. "K-keep fucking me like that," he said with deep groans, one arm around your waist and one arm reaches for your clit.

"Baby, you don't have to do that- fuck that feels good, mmm" his fingers were enough to make you crazy that you ended up fucking him faster, that the couch creaks already and anyone who is awake can definitely tell you're fucking on the couch.

And when the most awaited moment comes, he pushed you away so he could pull out and pump his cock and let his cum land on his stomach. With heavy breaths and a weak body, Jeno looked at you so lovingly at the other side of the couch. Reaching for his shirt to clean his cum so you could go back to your comfort on top of him.

"I'm sorry you didn't cum,” he said softly, sitting up to reach for you and kiss your shoulders as you busy yourself to wear your panties and sleepwear again. Jeno did the same before you two squeeze your bodies on the small couch. Laying bodies to bodies, sharing one blanket and keeping each other close the whole night.

And when the morning comes, you woke up alone on the couch with the blanket perfectly covering your body from the morning breeze.

Days after that fateful night, you and Jeno find ways to have sex whenever you can and enjoy the second month of summer together doing the things you want to do together, going on places and making unforgettable memories. But just as your relationship was going well, you didn’t expect it to fall right before your eyes.

While you were walking hand in hand on the street just after he ends his shift at the cafe and promised to walk you home, you were reminded of the following things you have to deal with just before this summer ends. And because you’re preparing for your college move-in next month, you mentioned it to Jeno for the first time with excited eyes and high pitched tones. “Am I boring you? Sorry, I was just excited” you said. And then he stopped walking.

“I’m not good with long distance. I love you but I know myself, I could end up cheating and hurting you-“

“Where is this coming from? What are you saying? What are you implying?” you asked, question after question because you have no idea why he’s acting like this. You didn’t expect that your excitement for your college dorms will spark something that will ruin your day.

“I’m saying, we’re not going to be okay when we’re apart. I’m not sure if I could give the same efforts you’re about to offer in the future,” he avoided eye contact and clenched his jaw. You’ve never seen him cold like this before.

“So in other words you’re telling me that eventually, we will break up? You just can’t say it to my face because you’re a coward who would rather give up than try the whole long distance shit first?”

Unfortunately, he nodded. And you don’t know why you’re still holding his hand so let him go and walked away.

“Y/n- fuck,” he followed you and tried stopping you, “let's not do this tonight please, it's so sudden,”

You closed your eyes and tried so hard not to cry in front of him. He just kept on saying the wrong words and it's breaking your heart.

“I would rather accept this sudden situation than let you hurt me slowly on the following days.” you shook your head and show him your disappointment. And what hurts you the most is he didn’t even tried to fight for you, or say he's sorry or admit that he’s wrong. He just let you walk away and throw everything that you built tonight.

A few days after your break up, Jeno regrets everything he did that he even tried reaching out to you and Haechan. But he was too late. You left because you can’t stay there and wait for him to chose you again, only to have the same answers that you get on the night you broke up.  

[xmalfoyweasleyx]

Two empty years - F.W (smut)

Summary: Y/N is like a sister to Fred, but when he sees her again after two years, things change, a lot.

Warnings: 18+ smut, but also fluff and a plot, also briefly choking and praising. (to be clear, they talk about her being little but she's absolutely 18+ in this story!)

A/N: This is my first story but I worked VERY hard so I hope you like it. Let me know if you see mistakes or have tips x

2,3k words

27 July 1997

I felt sick when my feet landed on the soft grass next to the Burrow. I wasn't a big fan of appareting. I ran as fast as I could to the door. Molly and Ginny already waiting for me. "Are they here yet?" I asked, not able to hide the fear in my voice. Ginny fell into my arms and hugged me. "I missed you Y/N" she murmured. Molly gave me a smile full of sympathy and sighed: "Hello dear, no they're still not here."

Alll of this, just for getting Harry here safely. When did the upcoming war get this far? A month ago I was at Hogwarts worrying about an essay for potions. And now. Now I'm here. Worrying about my friend’s life. I wanted to help too but they didn't let me.

"Who's there? Who's helping?" I asked, nervously playing with the hem of my shirt. "All of them, Hermione, Ron, Tonks, George, Fred,..." Ginny answered but I stopped listening at Fred's name.

Fred. I haven't seen Fred in 2 years. Two.

It was my own fault. I used to visit the burrow every summer. The Weasleys were like a family. But that was the problem. I've been Ron his best friend since my first day at Hogwarts. I got sorted into Y/H. It was a dream coming true. And since then I visited the burrow every summer. Oh and don't forget the Holidays. Even getting the sweater with my initials on it.

But I never came back, since the day it happened. The day I fell in love with Fred Weasley. It's been two years. I saw him with a little boy. The boy was crying. It was something about the way Fred comforted that boy that made me melt inside, it made my knees weak. I promised myself I couldn't let this happen. I. was like a little sister to him after all. There was no way Fred could ever see me like this, like... a woman. I was a sister, I was his little brother's best friend. He probably loved me. But he would never be in love with me. And it got worse because I started fantasizing. I couldn't get my eyes off him playing quidditch. Watching him move with the sweat on his face. He made my stomach tingle in a way I've never felt. But I was young, and I knew that. I couldn't be that sexy girl, the woman I had to be to make him notice me as something else than an innocent, cute friend. Because we were friends too, good friends, always joking together.

So I never visited again. I just couldn't see him. And I didn't, because he left Hogwarts, I didn't even visit their shoppe once.

"Come inside dear" Molly offered "I haven't seen you in so long! But Ginny told me you still talk a lot with her in school, I'm happy to hear that. And I'm also happy you joined The Order!” she smiled wide like always. And then we heard something. It was Harry and Hagrid. Suddenly a wave of anxiety hit me. I was going to see Fred. If he was okay... Fuck, what if he wasn't okay?

I was ripped out of my daydreams when I heard a scream, it was Molly. I turned around quickly. Seeing a redheaded tall boy. That's when my heart skipped a beat. Blood all over the boy's face.

Oh no.

After one minute I noticed it wasn't Fred. It was George.

"George!" I gasped while kneeling in front of him laying on the sofa. "Y/n? Is that you?" he mumbled. "Yes it's me, what happened?" I gulped.

Before he could answer someone stumbled next to me. Grabbing George immediately. "George!" he panted. It was Fred. I knew it without even looking. He was sitting right next to me without even releasing I was there.

"Y/n is here" was the only thing George answered.

That's when our eyes met. For the first time in two years. After two years of purposely ignoring him.

It was silent. Something flickered in his eyes but I didn't know what it was. He grew up. Even more. He was an adult now. But so am I.

Change of POV

Fred didn't know what happened. Y/n, he missed her. He always knew she was pretty but he never really thought about it. And now, she was... she was older? She was a woman now. He couldn't really describe it, how she was just exactly the same sweet little girl who was like family to him, but how she still changed so much. How she was actually... hot now? She was so damn hot now. Of course she was. There’s always been something about her that he couldn't really describe, this feeling. But he didn’t want to feel that way, he couldn’t, she was younger, she was his brother's friend. She was y/n.

"Fred? Hellooo??" he heard his mother scream, waking him up from his thoughts. He didn't realize he was staring at y/n the whole time. "We have to heal his ear" he shot, trying to make up for his recent stare incident.

"I can do it" y/n said calmly. "What do you mean?" George whimpered. They all looked confused now. "I've studied about it, I want to become a healer and I'm studying already. I know how to but never actually performed a healing spell" she admitted. "I think you should try" Fred said. Making y/n smile at him while biting her lip unconsciously. It made Fred gasp a little for air while his stomach tingled again. She turned her head back to George causing a wave of her scent filling up Fred's nose. He didn't even know the smell would be so familiar to him. He had missed her, that's when he realized. God he had missed her and she was finally back.

A few hours later it was calm again. Most of them already asleep after the exhausting day. Y/n couldn't sleep. She sat in the sofa near the fireplace listening to the rain on the window while sipping from her coffee. "Seriously. Are you still drinking coffee at this time of the day?" she heard Fred saying. "I always do" she pointed out.

"I know" Fred sighed. "So, why is it so long ago since I've seen you? You didn't even visit our shoppe. I've told you so much about it back at Hogwarts."

Y/n sighed not knowing what to answer now. Because I love you and keep having dirty fantasies about how you would rail me.

She couldn't answer that, that's for sure. "Just... stuff... Lot of work with the healer thing" she lied. Fred sat next to her. "You've changed" he said. "Of course I did Freddie, it's been a while" she laughed. Giving Fred butterflies because of the nickname.

"Yes, but I mean, your lips and hair and .." he almost said what he wanted to. But lucky for him, he could control his straightforwardness for once. It even made him blush. What the fuck did he just blush?

Not going unnoticed by y/n, she laughed mockingly. "Is Fred Weasley actually blushing? Are you Fred?" she mocked while standing up and hovering over him. He was speechless. Something he never was. "Did you wanted to say boobs? That I have more boobs now? Or were you talking about my ass?" she smiled. Obviously trying to mock Fred. He sighed deeply, trying to be himself again.

It worked. He stood up, now standing very close to y/n. Hovering over her because he was still so much taller. "I know what you're trying y/n y/l/n" he smirked. "I know you just got shy because of me" she answered feeling bolder than ever. Their faces were close, a sexual tension that would be clear to every person, even Ron Weasley. "So tell me" y/n added, coming closer and closer. "Were you looking at my ass Fred Weasley" she whispered in his ear.

Suddenly the floor beneath her disappeared she couldn't process what happened. And then she saw it, they appareted. Standing in a room that was probably Fred's apartment.

"Fred?" she gasped. And before she knew it his lips were on hers. Moving perfectly together. The kiss was full of passion. She grabbed his head and pushed him even closer, slightly tugging his hair. He grabbed her hips and she moaned lightly. And suddenly the kiss was over. She saw a confused boy standing before her. Trying to process what just happened.

"I-I'm so sorry" he sighed. Her heart felt like it was about to break into a million pieces. How could she forget the fact that she was still... well... herself. "I know, I'm like your sister, you don't see me that way" she whispered, hating herself for letting her voice crack. "I shouldn't have done it" he said. Suddenly a boiling anger grew inside y/n.

"Am I that unattractive! Am i?! You know, I didn't see you in that long because I'm in love with you. That’s why! But you don't think about me like that. I'm 0 % sexy to you. I...I..." it all rambled out of y/n's mouth. "Hey hey" Fred sighed grabbing your hands to comfort you. "That's not true, when I saw you today, I was speechless, you're not 0 % sexy, god no, you're so sexy y/n" he admitted. "Why did you say it was a mistake." she questioned. Fred was still astonished by the fact she confessed her feelings to him. "I've just never been so confused. The girl I've known for years suddenly makes my stomach tingle. I don't I don't..." Fred tried to explain but y/n cut him off: "then fuck me"

"What?" Fred asked more confused than ever.

"Fuck me Fred Weasley". she breathed.

They stood like this for a few seconds. "Fuck it" he hissed, grabbing her hips again and pushing her against his wall, kissing her like his life depended on it. Y/n jumped folding her legs around his hips pushing his core closer to hers. Slightly grinding up and down. He grunted into her mouth.

"Can I take your clothes off?" he asked. Y/n nodded and with one little spell her clothes were all gone. Fred's eyes widened. Attacking her with open mouth kisses on her neck. "God you're so sexy, so fucking sexy" he sighed in between the kisses. Making shivers go through y/n's body. His lips attacked her nipples passionately, making her moan his name. Fred swore it was the most beautiful sound ever. A sound he would never forget.

"Please Fred" she sighed. "Patience baby, patience" he hummed in her ear. Slowly rubbing his finger through her folds teasingly. Kissing her lips softly. He went down on his knees and suddenly y/n felt his soft lips attaching to her wet core. "God" she moaned. Fred sucked gently and moaned while y/n ran her hands through his red locks.

This must have been heaven. It was the best feeling they've ever had. Fred thought it couldn't possibly get better, pleasuring y/n being the best thing he ever did. The way she tugged his hair and moaned his name... But then she pulled him away. In a second she was on her knees before him. "What are you d-" he tried. "Shut up. I'm showing I'm not that innocent any more. I'm yours now Fred" she breathed. Before Fred could answer she pulled his pants down. Revealing his throbbing cock. Making him whine.

Y/n kitten licked his tip and heard him sigh loudly above her. She looked up through her lashes, looking at the tall guy with innocent eyes, taking his cock in her mouth. "God y/n, you're going to be the death of me princess" he grunted. She bobbed her head and swirled her tongue, trying to put as much as possible in her mouth. Little moans left Fred's lips. "Y/n I'm going to cum if you keep doing that” he said between grunts. Y/n grabbed his thighs and gagged while tears formed in her eyes. "Good girl" he moaned. Leaving y/n proud but still waiting for her own release.

Fred didn't want to cum yet. In one move he grabbed y/n delicately by her ass, pushing her against the wall. His tip touched her core softly. "Fred" she moaned. "Are you sure about this baby?" he asked. Y/n nodded eagerly. "Make me yours Freddie" she answered.

That was it, Fred pushed slowly into her. Leaving them both moaning in synchrony. After a while Fred started moving slowly. His sweaty forehead resting on y/n's. Looking straight into each others eyes. "Faster Freddie" she groaned. He started pounding into her mercilessly. Making them both moan even louder. The sound of grunts, their skin slapping and her body banging against the wall filled the room. His fingers dug into her skin while she grabbed his back firmly.

"Good girl, you feel so good around me" he whispered into her ear making her moan louder. Suddenly he grabbed her neck gently, but still firm. His long fingers fitting perfectly around her skin, making her gasp at the sudden pleasure. Feeling his cock rubbing her g-spot faster and faster. "I'm gonna cum" she almost screamed. "Me too baby". Fred went even faster while they looked in each others eyes, seeing the passion exploding. "God I love you, I've always loved you" he sighed. "Me too Freddie, I love you" she moaned.

And with one last sloppy trust they both came. Moaning each others name while riding the orgasm out. Looking at each other with eyes full of disbelief but mostly happiness. "Well that wasn't what I expected to happen today when I woke up this morning" he joked. Making y/n laugh while planting a soft kiss on his lips.

That night they fell asleep in each others arms. Still sweaty and exhausted from before. Just like two empty years without each other, never really happened.

***

[lovelyspencers]

Both Sides Like Chanel

“I see both sides like chanel,

see on both sides like chanel.”

Synopsis: Spencer and fem!Reader have been dating for a while now and there is something that Spencer hasn’t trusted anyone else with that he wants to share with her

Content Warning: mentions of drug addiction, allusions to sex, brief mention of internalized homophobia

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: this is my first fanfiction and I’m not entirely sure how tumblr works yet but it is my mission to do something about the lack of bi!Spencer representation

Compared to his colleagues and friends, Spencer was a fairly private person. He liked to keep things to himself because his life centered around repetitious disappointments. So, he was content that his private life was not set on a stage, his misery displayed for everyone to see.

But then he fell in love with you the minute you walked into the bullpen and bumped into him, leaving your belongings all scattered on the marble floor. Spencer was never one for touch but when he took your hand to sweep you off the ground, butterflies filled his stomach like the air on a humid summer’s day.

After a few years of friendship, his adoration for you grew as easily as ivy on an abandoned house and it was on New Year’s Day that the team celebrated in Rossi’s mansion that his slightly intoxicated self decided that he was not able to hold it in any longer.

You had sneaked off to Rossi’s backyard after Garcia had gotten a bit of too affectionate and randomly started kissing everyone.

Both of you were slightly buzzed, your head laid in his lap as he explained the constellations to you. He wished that the sky above you was the only thing that filled his mind, but when he looked at you with your skin slightly flustered from the alcohol and your lips pursed as in deep thought, all that he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss you.

It wasn’t the first time, the thought floated around in his mind. It had been so crucial in fact that the thought of your lips softly pressed on his played in his head like a film reel every night, unable to give him the sweet escape of sleep.

So, when the blank sky was filled with multicolored fireworks, the moonlight illuminated the complexion of your face and cheers erupted from the silence surrounding you without a second thought, he leaned in to kiss you.

You tasted like champagne and the strawberry lipstick you obsessively put on whenever you got anxious and to Spencer, he felt as if he had found the missing puzzle piece he’d been seeking for all his life.

And then like they always did, his thoughts began rushing through his mind like cars during rush hour and he instantly pulled back.

You were gonna hate him and then he would lose the only person he trusted with all his being and maybe you’d tell Penelope and everyone would laugh at him for believing that someone as amazing as you would ever-

But before his poisonous thoughts got the best of him, you grabbed the sides of his face and connected your lips with his again, filling the entirety of his body with pure bliss.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you to do that.” Your voice vibrated against his lips and he couldn’t help the smile that graced his face in the process.

The two of you could have kissed for only seconds or even hours because as he finally experienced what it felt like to be utterly yours, none of the things surrounding you mattered to him in the slightest.

All that mattered was that his biggest dream of your heart belonging to him entirely finally came true and he had no intention to ever let it go.

But even the most perfect moments couldn’t last forever and in this case, it was disturbed in the figment of the people the two of you considered family.

At first, you both didn't notice the footsteps on the grass, too caught up in trying to pour every stolen glance and hidden adoration in the simplicity of a kiss.

It wasn’t until cheers filled the silence around you that you hesitantly broke apart and were greeted with the sight of the team who all had smirks plastered on their faces.

To his delight, you didn’t entirely pull away from him like he thought you would instead you got off his lap to lazily wrap your arms around his torso. Subconsciously he pressed a kiss to your temple erupting even more amusement from the people watching you.

“About damn time.” Emily was the first to break out of her trance. Soon, congratulations were shared and the team tried to discreetly exchange money since they seemed to have some kind of bet going on. Even Hotch had a rare smile on his face and it was without a doubt the most beautiful start in the new year he could have ever wished for.

“I love you,” you muttered as you hid your face in his chest, and though there was no way the team could have heard what you told him, the smile on his face told them everything they needed to know.

“I love you too.”

He wished more than anything else that your love story could have ended that way and you lived happily ever after but this wasn’t a movie and the truth was that relationships were work. Work he was more than willing to put effort in but work nonetheless.

You loved each other dearly but you weren’t perfect and neither was he. Most of your fights revolved around his fear of vulnerability and even though he spent years building a wall around his heart so no one could ever shatter it again, he loved you far more than his self preservation so he tried his hardest.

And there was one particular thing, he always wanted to tell you or anyone who he felt earned his trust.

Throughout his life, his trust had been broken many times. So without even realizing it, there was a barrier between the two of you that prevented him from loving you to the fullest and he hated it.

But unlike Derek who immediately spread his problems around like it was just some gossip printed on the sixth page or JJ who kept Emily’s well-being to herself despite him coming to cry to her for months, you never betrayed his trust.

Even more so, you didn’t have that look of pity in your eyes that was equally as painful as daggers in his chest when he told you about his drug addiction or the schizophrenia of his mother.

You were easily the person on earth that he trusted the most but that didn’t mean that there weren’t some things that he still kept to himself.

But as he said, he wanted to change that and if one person was deserving of his honesty and vulnerability it was you.

Spencer had told you about his father leaving, the horrors he had to face that still haunted him in his dreams, his kidnapping from Tobias Hankel, and the cruelty of a childhood as a child prodigy.

While what he wanted to tell you wasn’t nearly as heavy it still felt like dead weight continuing to weigh him down.

Every time, he came close to telling you the truth, he got scared like a child in the dark and switched topics to something that didn’t matter at all.

Spencer also knew that you were aware that something was off. Before you started dating ten months ago, you had been best friends for years so he can positively say that you know him better than anybody else.

But today he had a plan.

You had been wanting to watch ‘Love, Simon’ with him for weeks and he had tried to avoid it for obvious reason but today he’d watch it with you and maybe then he’d gain the courage to talk to you.

He was aware of how illogical his fears were, after all, you had always been open about your bisexuality and had seen you beat up homophobes on various occasions (while Hotch hated it, it was on the long list of things that Spencer loved about you).

But he feared that maybe you wouldn’t want to be with someone who liked men and women or maybe that just didn’t fit with the type of man you were looking for or maybe-

Nope, he wasn’t doing this to himself. You were the kindest, most open hearted and loving person he knew and he had told you far more break up worthy thing than his sexuality.

When he had told you about his past drug addiction, you pulled up the sleeves of his shirt and kissed the fainting scars there and helped him get rid of the small stack of Dilaudid that he had kept hidden in his closet without any sign of judgment.

When he had told you about his mother, you pulled his head on your lap and started playing with his hair until the tears on his face dried and pinky promised him that you would stay with him even if he inhabited his mother’s illness because there was nothing that you would ever let drive a wedge between the two of you.

When he had told you about his childhood and confided in you for the relentless bullying he had to endure after you had found an invitation to a high school reunion in his mailbox, you had peppered him with kisses the entire night and showered him with compliments and love.

Not to mention that you convinced him to go to the high school reunion where everyone seemed equally as impressed by the beauty that his girlfriend possessed and the nature of his job. And every time, you sensed that he was uncomfortable you held his hand and wordlessly pulled him away, because you simply understood him like that.

The first night you slept over, he was more anxious over you sleeping next to him than the actual act of having sex with you (which said a lot because in a moment of desperation he had even asked Derek for sex advice) because he knew that the nightmares would jolt him awake again.

But it was so easy to be with you and when he pulled your body into his and showed you just how much he loved you in the most intimate act there was, all worries (and crappy advice that Derek had given him) left his mind and were quickly replaced by pure bliss and escasty.

And when he woke up shaking because some monsters don’t stay hidden in the dark, you were right there to comfort him until he was able to safely fall asleep with your arms wrapped around his waist.

Spencer was jolted back to reality when there was a knock on his door and he immediately wrapped you in a bone crushing hug before pouring all his worries and love into a kiss.

“We literally saw each other at work today. Did you really miss me that much already?” Your laughter that had become Spencer’s favorite sound ever since the first time he heard it filled the room, and he had to fight the urge to drop his plans and just worship you and your body for the entirety of the evening instead.

No, he was a man on a mission and he had repressed this conversation for way too long.

“I always miss you.”

And it was true, embarrassingly so. When you were on a case, Hotch decided against giving the two of you a shared hotel room, and every time, he had to fall asleep without your body heat next to him he felt as if there was some part of himself missing.

You gave him a peck on the cheek before you intertwined your fingers with Spencer’s and lead him to his couch where you rather ungracefully plumped down.

He joined you and your head immediately landed on his lap as a silent invitation for him to play with your hair which he happily obliged to.

“Can we watch ‘Love, Simon’ today?”

“Yes! I’ve only been begging you to watch it for years,” you laughed while grabbing the hand that wasn’t massaging your temple and holding it in yours.

He laughed too but it was filled with anxiety and you heard it because of course you did. Others might no be able to make out when he was uncomfortable but you always knew when to press him and when to leave him alone.

“We don’t have to watch that movie if you really don’t want to, babe,” you said as you propped yourself up to sit next to him again, all while never letting go of his hand.

“It’s not that. I just-”

Well, it’s now or never.

“I’m bisexual,” he blurted out, surprising himself with the sudden statement, and when he hesitantly locked eyes with yours there was none of the judgment or disgust he feared.

There was just love and understanding like there always was.

You were just about to say something before he gave you a look that clearly signaled to just let him talk for a bit and you answered the silent request with a soft smile and a gentle squeeze on his hand.

“I don’t know, I just used to have this crush on a boy when I was younger and I was confused because I only ever saw heterosexual couples, you know?” You nodded and that reassuring smile on your face never seemed to falter even a little bit, you looked almost proud of him.

“And then I got older and I started liking women too and I was even more confused because like who exactly do I like now?”

Sometimes during meetings in the briefing room or on the jet, you randomly held hands and squeezed them three time as a reminder that you loved each other without having to actually say it and that’s what you did during the brief amount of silence.

“When I was in high school liking boys was always associated with something bad so I just assumed that it was bad and tried my hardest to just suppress it.”

Spencer squeezed your hand three times too and took a deep breath. Seemed that even a genius like him could miscalculate and in this case it was the toll this secret had on him.

“But then I got older and realized that there was nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex, and so I kind of accepted it even though I still had no idea what my sexuality was. It was just one of those I’ll deal with it later type of things.”

When he looked into your eyes again, you looked at him with so much tenderness that he felt as if his heart might burst out of his chest, even if that was biologically impossible.

“I had a boyfriend when I was in college, his name was Ethan and I loved him but it just didn’t work out. I never told anyone because I was afraid I think?”

He remembered the time of sneaking around and lying to his mother when she spotted a hickey on his neck during one of her visits, the frustration because all he wanted was to show the world the love they shared like every other ordinary couple.

But he also remembered the clandestine meetings, muttered I love you’s that were for no one else to hear and the feeling of falling in love for the first time.

“And then I was confused again because I still liked women too and then I met you and I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you honestly and then I thought that maybe it was just like a non-sexual thing but I am sexually attracted to you, I mean we have sex. I like having sex with you!”

You chuckled but it was not out of malice or disgust it was just there, floating in the air filling his body with a warmth that not even his thickest sweater could provide.

“Baby, breathe. It’s just me.”

You brought his knuckles up to your mouth to press a kiss to each of them and that simple gesture managed to calm Spencer’s nerve immensely.

“You were so open with your sexuality and I guess it just kind of made sense? And I know that some women have problems with men who like men and maybe you’re disgusted with me because I used to be with a man and I’m like not the manliest man and and sometimes I think about painting my nails because it seems kind of fun and-”

The thing about Spencer’s rambling was that he couldn’t stop. He wanted to especially when he saw the annoyance on everyone’s faces but you were always there to listen to him, even if you had no idea what he was talking about but as you felt his anxiety worsen with every word that left his lips, you interrupted him for the first time ever.

“I’m not disgusted at all. I love and accept everything about you and that includes your sexuality. Thank you for being open with me, I know hard that can be with for you. I’m very proud of you.”

You emphasized your statement by pulling him in for a kiss and that was the first time that Spencer noticed that he was crying, but you kissed him with all the tenderness in the world, wordlessly wiping away the tear that rolled down his cheek.

“You’re the most perfect man I know. I don’t care if you’re not the most manliest man to me you’re perfect and the love of my life,” you whispered against his lips and Spencer could only reply by deepening the kiss and trying to get you as close to him as humanly possible.

There was no rush or expectations, you were kissing as if you had every time in the world and the kiss was a silent promise that you still loved him no matter what.

And for the first time in what felt like ages, Spencer could finally breathe. Silence filled the room but it wasn’t uncomfortable by any means. You had placed Spencer’s head on your chest and played with his hair while occasionally peppering him with kisses, only a few reassurances and I love you’s accompanying the stirring DVD player.

“Did you mean what you said about wanting to paint your nails?” you asked after a few minutes passed and Spencer had wrapped his arms around your waist as if you were the anchor to a sinking ship.

Spencer chuckled not even remembering what he said during his ramble. “I guess so. Why?”

The thought did cross his mind from time to time, especially when he saw your impressive collection of various nail polish. He never cared much about other’s perception of his masculinity and Spencer realized that his fair of not being manly enough for you was nothing but utterly stupid.

“Do you want me to do it?”

He shyly nodded and a smile filled your face as you took his hand to examine it, probably debating in your head which colour would fit him most.

And as you left the room to search for the most beautiful purple you could find, Spencer sat in the living room, happiness spreading through every fiber of his being because for the first time he knew what it felt like to be unconditionally loved.

Both of you weren’t perfect but there were no more secrets left lurking in the shadows and he knew that as long as you wanted him, he’d always be yours.

You were the first person to truly accept and love him. All of him, and he never wanted to lose that.

As he sat in the living room, you sitting on his lap and looked at your fingers as you painted his in a dark shade of purple, he decided that it wouldn’t be long until the most beautiful ring he could find would adorn your ring finger.

[mcwriting]

just say I Do

I have been super active lately which is vv weird for me but this has been in my drafts all summer and I thought now was a good time to post it since wedding season is coming to a close :)

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 2945

Warnings: alcohol mention; slight angst with happy ending

§

She was a walking red flag from the moment she refused to laugh at your jokes.

Sure that sounds like a stupid reason, but more little "quirks," as Tom liked to call them, made themselves present the more he talked about Alaina.

He had been one of your best friends for years, but now he refused to listen.

"She doesn't trust us to hang out anymore?" you had asked incredulously.

"No, no. She's just insecure with the idea of us being alone together. That's all," he tried to reassure you. "I want to prove that I'm trustworthy."

Insecure

Code for "I don't trust you at all but I'm gonna keep using you for my benefit."

She had no reason not to trust him. You'd been in the friendzone for years and neither of you would ever cross a boundary. He was the most trustworthy person you knew.

After a couple weeks of his blatant ignorance of each red flag, you decided saving him from this relationship could never happen. You'd just have to let him drown in it.

So, you kept your mouth shut and ears open every time you hung out as he dumped all of her problems onto you. She'd turned him into her personal therapist and now you'd become his.

Regardless of how much you'd tried to extend an olive branch to her, she denied it every time, continually trying to push you away from her and, subsequently, Tom.

After months of this, yours and Tom's friendship eventually phased itself out.

Years of memories left in the dust .

You were almost happy, though. No more emotional trauma dumps every time you hung out with Tom. No more unnecessary hostility from Alaina. No more hiding your long-standing feelings.

You'd actually tried to tell him how you felt months earlier, but that got squashed when the "big news" he needed to tell you was that he had met someone. That "someone" being Alaina, of course.

You'd finally decompressed from all of the Tom drama when life decided to ramp up again as Harrison popped the all-important question to your female best friend, Rebecca.

The day after his proposal, she'd asked you to be maid of honor and you were quickly thrown into helping plan a wedding.

So you did your job: dress shopping, party planning, and shower throwing.

One unfortunate happenstance was that Tom was Harrison's best man, meaning that you had to see him again, especially within the month before the ceremony.

However, as the month moved forward, you and Tom had reconnected, your friendship much more lighthearted than how you'd left it previously. While Tom still talked about Alaina on occasion, he was no longer dumping everything onto you.

She still showed up to certain things, like a wedding shower and some parties, but you were mostly able to avoid her hostility and focus on Rebecca and Harrison.

Finally, after months and months of planning, the rehearsal dinner came, and you were almost hoping they'd just sign the papers that night and call it a wedding.

You were in the bridal suite touching up your lipstick as Rebecca and Harrison talked with the minister when Alaina appeared behind you, arms crossed.

"What's your angle, y/l/n?"

You furrowed your brows but didn't turn around, continuing to carefully apply the liquid lip as you just looked at her reflection.

"I don't know what you're talking about, sister. I'm just here to watch my best friend get married tomorrow."

"Don't play dumb. I know you're trying to get between me and Tom," she huffed.

"I can guarantee that's not what's going on here. We're friends again. That's all."

"You've been trying to squeeze your way into our relationship ever since it started. Forcing Tom to hang out with you alone, always texting him..."

You screwed the lipstick shut and stood up, whipping around to interrupt her.

"I'm sorry, what? I never forced him to do anything. He and I actually started communicating less once you two got together. You know, I knew you were insecure but I didn't think it was this bad."

"Well you've still been trying to pry us apart, even after your little friendship hiatus."

"Honey, I'm the reason he even asked you to make it official. He was too scared of committing, but I told him to pull the trigger and make you his girlfriend. Now I get that you have family trauma and the whole thing with your parents but-"

When she cut you off you knew you'd made a mistake. She wasn't supposed to know what all Tom had told you.

"You know what about me?"

You took in a sharp breath, unsure how to answer. An awkward pause fell between you.

"Everything. I know almost every damn thing about you. You were using Tom as a therapist and he took it to me. And I'm sorry about everything that's happened to you but I was almost glad when you forced me out of his life for a little bit because it meant I could finally deal with my own problems for once."

She continued to stare at you, stunned.

I- everything?" she breathed. You nodded, somber. "Why would he do that?"

"Dude. We were best friends for years. Told each other everything. Always went to each other to talk through the deep stuff. He didn't really know how to handle the stuff you were telling him. I wouldn't blame him for wanting to tell someone."

"But you know all this... stuff about me!"

"And those things aren't what shaped my opinion of you! Sure, it gave me some insight into your personality, but you can't let that stuff define you. You aren't going to get any real help dumping it all on your boyfriend, either."

"What are you trying to say, y/n?"

"I'm saying that him telling me everything shouldn't be the real problem here. The problem is that the whole relationship is toxic. Break up or don't, but you both need help. Tom isn't your therapist and if that's all you want him for then he shouldn't be your boyfriend. You both deserve better."

Each of you sat in that statement for a moment. After all of the frustration and anger, you'd chosen to channel it into something constructive.

Alaina had a look of defeat. You'd expected anger from her after everything.

"Yeah. Maybe we do. I just can't believe I couldn't trust him with the most important things in my life. Maybe I shouldn't have been trying to keep you apart all this time. I really should've been getting you together."

"What? No, Alaina don't say that-"

"Do you know where Tom is?"

"Come on don't do this right now-"

"Y/n just tell me where he is."

"I- You were the last one with him as far as I know. You came in here after I did."

In silence, she nodded and exited, leaving you alone again with a pit in your stomach.

You quickly tried to straighten yourself out, taking one last look in the mirror before you walked out and faked a smile.

"Oh! There you are! We're gonna get started on the rehearsal now!" Rebecca said as she caught you in the hall. "Just head outside and if you see Tom, tell him to come, too."

You did see him as you headed that way. His lips were pressed into a tight grimace as Alaina quietly talked to him near the building's entrance.

His eyes caught yours briefly and you gestured your head towards the alter, tapping your wrist. He gave a small nod of recognition and Alaina turned to see you in the distance, giving you a sad grin.

Tom started to tell her that he needed to go rehearse when she put a hand on his shoulder.

"Bye, Tom. Keep in mind what I told you," she said, leaning up to press a kiss on his cheek before walking off to her car, leaving for good.

You could tell he trying not to seem sad as he followed not far behind you to join everyone else.

When Rebecca returned, she was excitedly telling everyone the plan for walking down the aisle, deciding to pair bridesmaids with groomsmen as there was an equal number.

The pit in your stomach grew when you realized that meant you and Tom would be paired together.

The pairs lined up, you and Tom having to be last. You knew it would take a while when the flower girls took forever to walk the aisle and the first male/female pair couldn't figure out their cue.

Your arm was looped in Tom's but you had never felt so apart from him. Both of you were stiff, trying not to move too much.

"Alaina dumped me," he finally whispered, leaning over to tell you, as your heels brought you close to his height.

Your head stayed forward as your gaze fell to the ground.

"I figured as much. I tried to talk her out of it but... you know."

"Yeah."

There was another heavy silence.

"I'm really sorry, Tom," you started, but he cut you off.

"Don't. We just need to focus on Becca and Haz," he bit back, stone-faced.

You wanted to say something more, but you were cut off by Rebecca telling you your cue and getting you to walk the aisle in sync.

You couldn't look at Tom the rest of the night and hardly touched your dinner as your thoughts ran wild of how to make things up to him.

You couldn't tell Rebecca what happened. This was her time to shine, and you figured if Tom were to tell Harrison anything, it would just be that they'd broken up.

A couple speeches were made about the happy couple and finally it was over, all of you nervously ready for the real ceremony tomorrow.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you made it out without talking to Tom again.

The next morning, things ramped up as the bridal party got ready while sipping mimosas. Everything felt frantic because you felt the need to supervise and take stress off the bride.

It didn't help that you were still stressing over Tom.

You went into the bathroom to catch your breath, trying to maintain a positive facade.

When you stepped out, you found Rebecca looking beautiful as ever in front of you, but you quickly recognized the look on her face.

"Lets go to the balcony real quick. I feel like we need to talk."

You followed her out, both of your robes flowing in a soft breeze as the sun shone down happily. She handed you another mimosa as she leaned over the railing.

"Harrison told me about Tom. Said it was a pretty big deal."

You groaned, trying not to facepalm over your freshly done makeup.

"Becca we shouldn't be talking about this right now. We need to focus on your wedding-" you started, reaching for the door handle.

"Y/n. I want to talk about this. And I hear you're supposed to listen to the bride on her wedding day," she chuckled. You rolled your eyes and smirked.

"Fine. Yeah, they broke up. And it's all my fault and Tom's probably pissed at me but whatever. It's fine."

"From what I hear he's not as mad as he probably should be. It's been a long time coming, you were just the catalyst. Just think how much longer it would've taken for them to pull their heads outta their asses without you."

"He's not mad?"

"Doesn't sound like it. I think you guys need to talk about it, though."

You sighed.

"We will, eventually. We both agreed yesterday that we just need to focus on you two right now."

"You know that's gonna be hard, right? I mean, you're both gonna be stuck together from pictures up until after the ceremony."

"Yeah, yeah. I promise I won't ruin your wedding. Can't speak for Tom, though," you joked, holding your glass up towards hers.

"I'll take your word for it," she replied, clinking her own glass against yours.

§

The bride and groom weren't ones for superstition, so you took wedding photos before the ceremony to maximize lighting and time with the guests later.

You didn't talk to Tom at all, but neither of you could keep from making quick eye contact between shots.

Finally the time had came for guests to begin arriving and the big moment to actually come.

After some last minute touch ups, the wedding party greeted guests as the countdown began. Once things were in place, you all went back into the building to line up, ready to start.

Again, you and Tom were linked together, waiting in bated breath.

"Alaina told me something yesterday before she left," Tom whispered.

You hummed in response.

"Yeah. Said I never really loved her."

"What makes her think that?" you asked, trying to pay attention to those ahead of you in line as music started playing outside.

"She told me I probably loved you," he replied casually.

Your eyes widened as you turned to look at him in shock. Again you wanted to reply but Tom tugged your arm and started stepping forward.

"Oh, looks like it's our time to shine."

Your heart was beating out of your chest as you walked down the aisle, seeing familiar faces as a blush rose to your cheeks before you both separated at the alter, leaving an empty spot between you and Harrison.

You pretty much forgot all of the nervousness when you watched your beautiful best friend come down the aisle with her dad. Harrison was tearing up and you were fighting back your own.

The ceremony began and throughout it, you and Tom continued to look past the couple and steal glances of each other.

When the vows finally came, you actually were crying, pulling a hidden tissue from your bouquet to dab your eyes as you watched with a watery grin. They had written their own vows.

You still couldn't help but watch Tom, though, as the two professed their love in front of everyone.

When they finished, the minister was given the rings and the most important part came.

"Now, Harrison, do you take Rebecca to be your wife? Will you love and cherish her for the rest of your days?"

The groom said I do, but you could only see Tom mouthing the same words to you.

When Rebecca was asked the same thing, you couldn't help but mouth the same words, too.

With that came a kiss and the declaration of marriage, with each couple again pairing off to run down the aisle.

You didn't have time to talk to Tom though, as you were whisked away with the bridal party to have a glass of celebratory wine before dinner as you waited to enter the reception.

That dinner again went on without a hitch, with both you and Tom making pre-written speeches about the couple before the first dance.

Once the DJ turned up the music, everyone was out on the dance floor having a good time when he slowed it down again for couples to dance to.

You were prepared to walk off when a hand caught your arm.

It was Tom.

"Dance with me," he beckoned, and you couldn't bring yourself to say no.

You slow danced in silence, trying to figure out what to say as he twirled you around.

"So..." you started.

"Don't feel bad about Alaina," he immediately replied.

"But I'm the reason you broke up."

"No, I am. You were right that neither of us were handling things correctly. I should have never told you her personal business behind her back. I'm sorry for doing that to you, too."

You gave a lopsided grin.

"It's okay. I get why you did. I'm probably the best person you could've gone to anyways. I'm guessing you also apologized to her?"

"Yeah. I did last night but then I called her this morning and we talked it out. We should've broken up a long time ago. I wish I had listened to you back then."

You raised your brows.

"So you actually remember all the stuff I pointed out?"

"Just because I ignored it doesn't mean I didn't hear it. I was just too stupid and puppy-blind to see how much you actually cared."

You hummed as you wrapped both hands around his neck, stepping a little closer. He rubbed your back as he went to speak again.

"She was right, too. You are the one I really love. I meant it when I said 'I do.'"

"So I didn't just imagine that?"

"Just as much as I imagined you replying," he smirked. You smiled and bit your lip.

"I never wanted you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you the day you told me about her."

"It's probably for the best."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" You were confused at what he meant.

"Because now everyone we know can see firsthand that you're the one I love," he answered.

You were about to ask what that meant when he tipped up your chin, pressing a soft kiss to your lips as the song ended. When you pulled away people were moving around so that Rebecca could throw the bouquet.

"You know what?" she announced. "I think I just need to do this."

Everyone watched as she marched over and handed you the bouquet directly, causing cheers to ring out around you.

"Now you just gotta say I do!" she exclaimed.

You looked up at Tom and he smiled down at you.

"I did."

§

A/N: okay half of me hates this bc I can't imagine how obnoxious this would be if it happened in real life but also it's kinda 🥺

Lemme know how you feel! Wedding szn had me in my feels again this year so I couldn't resist. If you liked this I'd suggest checking out the objection because it's also got angsty wedding vibes oop

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[j-amespotter]

★ august [pt. 1] - s. b.

“you weren’t mine to lose.”

Pairing: Sirius Black x Slytherin!Reader, Regulus Black x Reader (mentioned)

x. x. x.

Summary: As one of the Order of the Phoenix’s freshest recruits, love certainly was not on Sirius Black’s mind the summer after he finished school – especially not with a Slytherin, who just happened to be his brother’s girlfriend.

Genre/Warnings: angst, alcohol, language, mentions of death & war, infidelity, implied smut 

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: august but from the guy’s pov?? i think yes. this was the first one-shot i wrote for this series so let me know what you think! lmk if you wanna be added to my taglist. p.s. i do not condone cheating!!!!!! 

masterlist

Your lips were centimeters apart. It seemed too late to change course, but he had to ask. He had never done something so reckless, which for him, was saying something. “Are you sure?”

He was scared of the answer. One look at you told him you were scared of answering. “We’ve never… I mean, I’ve never done this before,” you whispered. Your noses grazed against each other, tantalizingly close. 

His hand hovered underneath your robes. It felt large against your bare stomach. “We can stop.” 

“I don’t want to stop.” With one hand around his neck and the other on his chest, you tugged him closer. The moment your lips met erased his doubts so fully that if he stopped to think about it, it would have scared him.

Your shoes slipped off as he delicately lifted you off of your feet. Gently, he laid you down on his bed and paused to stare at how small and trusting you looked in the moment. It was only your fifth visit to his flat, yet you already looked like you belonged. He would never have expected someone from his forgotten life to fit into his current one so unquestionably. 

*One Week Earlier*

It was getting easier and easier to slip away from Regulus these days. While you were accustomed to seeing less of each other during the summer holidays, now you were more distant than ever. You knew why, of course. Being a Slytherin, you were privy to an entire host of secrets – Regulus was too. Hogwarts’ rowdiest, most divided class graduated just a month earlier, and many of your friends, if you could even call them that, had chosen a side in this war. His side. 

You knew Regulus agreed with the Dark Lord’s philosophies and marveled at his promises. However, it was not until this school year that you realized exactly how much your boyfriend worshipped the elusive man responsible for the murders of so many innocent people. He would scour the Daily Prophet for news, eager but not uneasy. He trailed after Snape, Avery, and Mulciber, and the whisperings about the three of them were hardly positive. It was rumored that all of them had been "marked." You didn’t know exactly what that meant but worried Regulus was next. 

He sensed your fear but didn’t say much to soothe you. Perhaps he thought he could convince you to join him – or, at least, stand by his side as he signed away his services. You weren’t interested. In fact, you were terrified. Though your family was prominent, prosperous, and pureblood, they never participated in what your father coined to be “blood politics.” Your indifference, which occasionally transformed into blatant disgust, over the growingly common prejudice among your peers ostracized you from your fellow Slytherins. You managed to keep your reservations to yourself for the sake of House unity but could no longer remain silent. Not when your childhood love drifted further and further away from you. 

It was slow, but of course, there was a final straw. In his last letter, Regulus wrote that his cousin Bella was teaching him how to duel “the proper way.” As someone who saw nothing substandard in your Defense Against the Dark Arts education thus far, you could only imagine what Bellatrix Lestrange would consider to be the “proper” way to duel. You had limited experience with the woman, having only caught glimpses of her as a child at Grimmauld Place and as Regulus’s date to her wedding. Nonetheless, the rumors about her were becoming increasingly hard to ignore.

So you sought the one person you thought may listen to you. Of course, there was the issue of finding him. You had no idea where he lived, though you doubted he would be thrilled to meet you, especially at his place of residence. You thought of writing to him but could not risk seeing and sending the words you had not yet uttered aloud. 

Ultimately, you decided that the best course of action was to find him in public, no matter how difficult it would be. You knew if you willed it hard enough, fate would bring him to you – and you understood the power of your love better than anyone. 

It took six days of solitary walks through Diagon Alley for you to finally find him. It wasn’t easy at all. You managed to keep your parents at bay by entrusting your safety with your pureblood Slytherin status. However, what was once the most bustling shopping center in the Wizarding World became drearier by day. More wanted posters appeared on brick walls as the number of disappearances grew. Within days, there were fewer groups of visitors for you to huddle behind without drawing suspicion. 

He was in the Leaky Cauldron with a shorter man, someone you recognized to be Peter Pettigrew. They were huddled together but deep in conversation. Actually, it seemed as though he was doing most of the talking. You found yourself staring at his muscular, tattooed arms as he gestured wildly at Pettigrew, who stared at him with wonder, excitement, and apprehension all at once. Despite the normal-looking exchange, both men gripped their wands tightly and took turns periodically glancing over their shoulders. 

Peter was too far away for you to read his lips, but checked his watch and jumped in surprise. You inched closer, hoping to find an in for your mission. Finally, you were close enough to hear his parting words. “Sorry, Padfoot... Mum’s waiting for me. You know how she gets, especially now.” 

“Alright, mate. Get home safe. I’ll see you… when I see you.” 

You were not stupid. You had no idea what that meant, but judging by Peter’s stiff nod, there was definitely a predetermined meeting time and place that they could not risk anyone overhearing. Given the circumstances, you could hardly blame them. 

Your interaction with Sirius Black was limited, but you had heard enough about him to know that he was reckless, devil-may-care, and according to his brother, inconsiderate of everyone’s feelings. Hearing the sincerity in his goodbye to his friend sounded quite the opposite, or perhaps was just a sign of the times. 

Peter scurried away and out of sight. You saw Sirius reach for a pouch in his pocket, out of which he scooped a handful of Sickles. They clattered onto the table. Before he finished counting his change, you slid into the seat across from him. 

Startled, Sirius stood and pointed his wand at you. His motions were seamless. It was as if he could kill you with a single swish. You hardly had time to wonder if you would be as skilled with your wand as he seemed to be when you finished school. “Listen, I just want to talk. Please sit down.” There weren’t too many other customers in the pub, but there was no doubt your exchange was attracting attention. 

Sirius sneered at you. “Why would I want to talk to you? Did he send you? Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it.”

It surprised you that he knew who you were. Regulus was convinced that Sirius abandoned the Black family once and for all and did not care for his extracurricular activities. Granted, much of your scheme relied on the fact that he did. “No, he didn’t send me. I need to talk to you about him, actually. In private.”

He looked apprehensive but curious. You sighed in relief as he lowered his wand and sat down, “Whatever you have to say, you can say it here.” 

“Please,” you tried again. “I’m no threat to you.” 

He stared at you, and in his pale eyes you saw something so familiar yet so foreign. “Fine. Follow me.” 

He swiftly led you out of the pub. Although you were eager, you maintained an acceptable distance from him. The air was sticky; you could feel your flushed cheeks. You always hated summer because of the unbearable weather and because it was always the longest you would spend apart from Regulus. However, you found yourself entranced by the way Sirius’s neckline glistened. There was a warm glow radiating off of the little bits of his exposed skin, slightly tanner than his brother’s. You were surprised at how easy it was to distinguish these details. You always considered yourself to be too young for and morally above noticing Regulus’s physique. It was far too shallow to remark on a man's physical beauty and far too desperate when all you could see were his neck and arms. 

“Get your license yet?” 

You shook your head. “No, not yet.” 

“Okay,” said Sirius, extending a hand. “I’ll take you with me.” 

You were used to Side-Along Apparition, so your surprise was more at your surroundings. You landed on a street in front of a very tall building. Craning your neck to observe the one in front of you, you asked, “Where are we?” 

“London,” he answered vaguely. He had not let go of your hand. 

“I figured. But this looks like a Muggle building.” 

“Got a problem with that?” He snapped, and as if he had just realized what he was doing, he let go of your hand as if it was rotting. 

You internally groaned at how sweaty it was. “N-No. I’ve just never been around here, that’s all.” 

You waited for a snarky response, but received none. Instead, he pushed open the door of the building and led your to what you could only assume was his flat. 

“I would say make yourself at home, but don’t.” Sirius did not have guests often, and when he did, they definitely did not include his little brother’s girlfriend. Damn, he thought to himself. Wait until James hears about this. 

You were still in school – although, so was he, just a month earlier. But you were in a rival house. And worst of all, he had seen you in the same position, perched onto a sofa with inquisitive eyes, when you both were children at his parents’ house. It was curious to him that you looked just as out of place then as you did now. 

“I know this is strange, but I have no other choice.” Your voice broke off and for the tiniest millisecond, he felt sorry for you. “I think he’s… I mean I feel that… that R-Regulus is planning on joining the Dark Lord.” “Call him Voldemort, will you?” Sirius interrupted irritably. 

You flinched. “I really shouldn’t.”

Though he was annoyed, he understood and did not probe you further. “Listen, I don’t know what you thought trying to find me, or even how you found me for that matter, but I can’t help you. I know what you’re worried about and you’re probably right to be worried. But I tried talking to him before I ran – I mean, left. He won’t budge. He’s in too deep. Sorry,” he added. 

Your eyes glossed over. “I figured you’d say that.” Tears streamed down your rosy cheeks. “S-Sorry, I don’t mean to load this on you. I just feel so alone sometimes. And so scared for him. He really has no idea what he’s getting himself into, does he?”

Sirius stared at you, contemplating whether he should tell you what his dim-witted brother was really getting himself into. He only started to see it for himself now. “I’m not sure what I should tell you, but I understand. If you want to talk about it…” 

You glanced at him in wonder, cocking your head to the side. “Er, thanks. But I should get home. My parents must be worried. Can I Floo out of here?” 

You looked even more upset than before, and Sirius felt guilty for leaving everything so unresolved. Although, should he really care about your feelings? Anyone who willingly chose to spend time with a tosser like Regulus probably deserved whatever hell he would put them through… although… 

“Yeah, I installed one,” he said, gesturing to the fireplace. 

Wiping your eyes nimbly, you stood and smoothed the front of your robes. “Thank you. Sorry if it was a bother.”

“No problem. I know… I know that you aren’t like them. And I know what you’re going through. Probably better than anyone.”

You smiled at him, and without warning, his stomach flipped. It couldn’t have been the first time he’d seen you smile, but it was definitely the first time you smiled at him. Maybe you had once before when you were children. For now, all Sirius seemed to hone in on was the soft dimple on your right cheek and the way your eyes lit up almost automatically. 

“If you ever need to talk about it, you can always come around here.” He knew it was strange for him to offer you that, but you had known each other for so long. You both had the same doubts… perhaps you lacked the bravery to act on them as he did, though he could hardly fault you for that. 

“Thank you, Sirius,” you said softly. 

☆

It was more than sex. You would spend hours talking, entangled in his bedsheets, watching the sunrise together for several mornings in a row. Sirius glanced warily at the clock on his bedside table. “Where do your parents think you are?”

You were drawing circles on his bare chest. “I told them I was with him.” 

Despite being the reason you sought him out, it became an unspoken rule between the two of you to not mention his name. The subject of Regulus and, by extension, the war became as taboo as saying Lord Voldemort. 

He hated it. He tried to convince himself that he was acting on lust, that he just needed to relieve his stress of the war and Order training, but he couldn’t. Not when every time you arrived unannounced, he scribbled excuses to get out of dinner with the Potters, or drinks with the boys, or hell, even Order meetings. 

Sirius wished he could explain it to James. Surely, his best friend would convince him of the stupidity of engaging in an affair with his brother’s girlfriend. But then he would watch you wearing his shirt, sipping wine, and dancing barefoot in his kitchen. He would imagine you wrapping your arms around his waist on his new motorcycle and his insides would implode. Then, he would decide that he did not want to be dissuaded. He was falling for you. One look at you told him you were falling for him too. 

“Where have you been, mate? The parents are driving me up a wall about you. Lily’s convinced you’ve got a girlfriend or something,” joked James. 

They were sitting in the pub on a night Sirius knew you had a family function to attend. He swallowed bitterly as he wondered whether or not Regulus would be there. Were you together right now? Did you confess? Was he angry? Were you crying?

Noticing his best friend’s silence, James raised an eyebrow. “Do you? Have a girlfriend or something?”

Sirius knew he could not lie to James, but he debated exactly how much he wanted to delve into the subject. “Or something.” Before he could he stop himself, the secrets were spilling off of his tongue. 

When he finished, Sirius wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse. He tried to focus on James’s hazel eyes as they widened at every turn in the story. “Mate… you’re fucked.”

He tried not to ponder at these words too hard in the hopes that he wouldn’t splinch himself Apparating back to his flat. It didn’t shock him to see you there – he had allowed you too much access to everything and he had no intention of taking it back.

Emerald green dress robes were slipping off of your shoulders. With pearls draped around your neck and pieces of hair straying out of your topknot, Sirius could not help but swoon at how beautiful you looked. He wondered briefly what it would have been like if you had chosen him over Regulus. What if there was no foul play? Would you be happy? Or would you run away, as you had with his brother?

He was still tipsy. James’s warnings ran scattered in his brain, ringing like a siren. But they mattered little now that you were in front of him. “How was–” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you interrupted. Then you stepped forward and tugged at his half-unbuttoned shirt, pressing your lips against his. “Make me forget.” 

“Consider it done.” 

Your bare limbs tangled together as you shared wine-drunk, open-mouthed, sporadic kisses, giggling and whispering words of sensual encouragement. How did you become so in sync in a matter of weeks? Sirius had never fallen this hard. “I’m yours, (Y/N).” 

You hummed in satisfaction, fingers wound up in his hair. 

“I mean it,” he urged. “I love you.” 

You didn’t respond. Strange, he thought to himself. You never hesitated in reciprocating, ever. When he jumped, you jumped with him, no questions asked. He glanced at the clock from over your shoulder and watched it strike midnight. It was the first of September. “You’re due at King’s Cross today, aren’t you?”

You nodded, not meeting his eyes. 

He chuckled darkly. All of a sudden, he felt cold and strangled. He wanted to push you far away and yet, pull you close to him so you had no hope of escaping. “Will you write to me?” 

“Sirius…” 

“Don’t,” he snapped. “Don’t say my name like that. I should have known… fucking snake.” 

He hadn’t let go of you. “I’m sorry darling,” you whispered, “but I can’t give up on him yet.” 

It was all he had to hear. He couldn’t think of how he was going to recover from this, not when you were lying right in front of him. “I think you should go.” 

“M-Maybe someday we can–” “Forget it.” He should have seen this coming from the second you walked up to him in the pub. You had come to him for Regulus and now you were leaving him for Regulus. Yet another bit of happiness his brother snatched away from him. But even so... he was your first and Regulus would never know. He would never know that you lost yourself in him. His no-good elder brother. But none of that mattered now, not when you were going back to him. After all, at the end of the day, you were his. 

I should have known. Sirius silently cursed at himself, watching the retreating figure of the girl he had fallen in love with. He should have known that you were always on borrowed time. You were gone quicker than the seasons change, and left with him your sweaty, sun-kissed memories. 

PART 2

Taglist: @iwritesiriusly @mads-bri @she-seeks-magic @sarcasticallywitty15 @lunalovecroft @fific7 @u-no-poo​

[thatfanficstuff]

Make Me Forget (Part 2b) - Kol Mikaelson

Pairing: Kol x reader

Warnings: nope

A/N: The second of two possible endings to this imagine. Also serves as #10 for Celebration Summer. Prompt is in bold below.

wc: 1332

***

Kol was on his feet in an instant. He pulled you into his arms and held your head against his chest. “No. Absolutely not.”

“But—”

“No,” he said again, cutting you off. He moved back to look at you but kept his hands on your arms to make sure you were paying attention. “Elijah can rant and rave and make all the little declarations he wishes but he isn’t in charge of everything. He certainly isn’t in charge of either of us, is he?”

You huffed a laugh and gave Kol a weak smile as you shook your head.

The corner of his mouth kicked up. “Let me hear you, darling. Is Elijah in charge of either of us?”

“No. No, he’s not.” There was more strength in your words than you thought there would be and your heart felt just a little bit lighter.

When Kol pulled you into him once more you wrapped your arms around his waist and held him back. Elijah might not want anything to do with you, but you wouldn’t allow him to run you off.

Elijah made himself scarce that evening. You didn’t know if he was even in the house and you tried your best not to care. You spent your time with his three siblings and felt happy for the first time since they’d left Mystic Falls. The four of you were lounging in the living room, laughing at a story Bekah was telling when a sense of peace settled in you. This was where you were supposed to be.

You were stretched out on the sofa, your back leaning against Kol’s side while he draped an arm over your shoulder. Tilting your head back, you smiled up at him.

He arched a brow at the expectant look on your face. “Yes?”

“Let’s do it.” You watched him carefully to make sure there wasn’t a sign of regret of him having made the offer to move in together. You wouldn’t be a burden to anyone else.

His brow furrowed in thought. Then his eyes suddenly went wide and a slow smile covered his face. “Are you certain, darling?”

You nodded and your smile grew as he bounced in excitement and kissed the top of your head. You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped you.

“Would someone mind filling the rest of us in?” Klaus asked with an amused expression.

“Dear brother, Y/N and I are moving in together.”

***

Six months passed before you knew it. Kol had opted to get a little house for the two of you instead of an apartment. And he was the perfect roommate. The cheerful demeanor he always seemed to have around you was just what you needed to get over Elijah, which proved easier than you’d feared.

Kol worried over you, he even fussed sometimes, but it never occurred to him to hurt you to keep you safe. He was just there, having your back. Making sure you were escorted when you went out at night. Nik and Bekah came by often or took you out to spend time with you. All three of the siblings kept you as far away from their drama as possible. Nik even tried to keep Kol out of it so he would be there for you. This was how a family should act.

Today was one of those days where Nik needed Kol though so you were home alone. You were curled up in the living room with a drink and a good book when someone pounded on the door. Your brow furrowed. The only people that ever came here were Kol’s siblings and they both knocked then used their key. When the knock came again, you sat the book aside and went to the door. A glance through the window showed Elijah standing on your front porch.

You hadn’t seen him since that night, but you could do this. He couldn’t hurt you anymore. You took a breath and opened the door. Elijah’s mouth dropped open and his gaze ran over you from head to toe. When he continued to gape instead of saying anything you cleared your throat. “Can I help you, Elijah?”

He tilted his head and narrowed his gaze. “What are you doing in New Orleans? In my brother’s house nonetheless?”

Shock slammed through you. Had they seriously kept your existence in town a secret from Elijah for six months? How had they even managed? You didn’t know what to tell him. How to explain all this. You couldn’t help the little thread of amusement that grew within you at the knowledge.

“Perhaps I should come in so we can talk,” Elijah stated. When he stepped forward, he hit the barrier at the threshold that kept him from entering without invitation. He frowned in confusion which shifted to anger as he realized what this meant. His head snapped up and his eyes burned into yours. “This is your house.” It wasn’t a question.

Still, you didn’t speak, simply watching him and his myriad of emotions.

“So, you intend to stay here then? With Kol? He signed the house over to you?” His voice was heavy with that cold anger he was so good at.

You braced a hand on the edge of the door just to have something to anchor you. “It’s always been my house, Elijah. I never left New Orleans. And somehow, I’m still alive. Amazing.”

His gaze softened and a flash of guilt shone in his eyes. “You must understand…” He trailed off as he looked at something behind you.

A warm hand settled on your back and you didn’t even flinch. Kol must have come in the back door. You were used to him appearing out of nowhere by now. “What must she understand, brother?”

Elijah licked his lips and took a step back. His eyes shifted between you and Kol, his gaze darkening. “What is this?”

Kol’s fingers flexed against your back. “What does it matter to you? You made it very clear you no longer wanted her.”

The elder Mikaelson’s jaw went rigid as he glared at his younger brother. Kol merely smiled and shifted his hold so his arm was draped over your shoulders. He pulled you into his side and kissed the top of your head. You melted into him, content to be in his presence.

“Did you need something, Elijah?” you finally spoke when you could take their silence no longer.

His eyes flicked briefly to you before focusing back on Kol. “None of you were answering your phones. I grew concerned.”

Kol made a sound of agreement. “Well, as you can see, I am fine. Nik and Rebekah should be home by the time you get there. Goodbye, Elijah.”

Elijah’s gaze stayed on you until you could no longer see him as Kol shut the door and locked it. He turned to you immediately. “Are you okay, darling?”

You smiled at him, warmth filling you with his concern. “I’m fine, Kol.”

When he realized you were telling the truth, his smile was blinding.

“Why didn’t you just tell him that we’re only friends? I don’t want to cause problems with you two.” It was the only part that bothered you.

Kol stepped into you and placed his hand on the side of your face. He studied you, searching for something. Your heart raced in your chest with his proximity. “Are we only friends, sweet girl? I thought we were so much more by now.”

You hesitated but a moment before closing the little distance that remained between you and pressed your lips to his. He responded quickly, eagerly. He brought his other hand up so he cupped your face on both sides. Your hands fisted in his shirt to hold him to you. When he pulled away to allow you to breathe, he still had that wide smile. Leaning in for one more kiss, he growled low in his throat. “Mine.”

And you were.

[ddaehyeon]

。✧ hyacinth; park serim + reader

— pairing: fashion designer!park serim + photographer!reader

— genre: angst, slight fluff, exes au, post-breakup, slightly suggestive (one scene only!)

— word count: 7.1k

— warning: arguments, heartbreak, mentions of anxiety and emptiness

— summary: years had passed since you broke up with serim; life had been continuously patching up ever since. his name had marked several clothing lines, while your studio was well-known in the small city you lived in. who would’ve known that a sight of him on a bus stop would be enough to bring back wounds you thought had long ago healed?

— navi: playlist | video teaser | cravity masterlist

— a/n: my wips suffered from a major slump and this is quite an overdue fic (i also have another overdue fic help) but i hope someone would still at least read this though >< the first ver of this didn't satisfy me and though this ver didn't satisfy me that much, i feel like after rewriting almost half of the fic, this one's better. i'll do my best to pull something better soon!

autumn must be the most magical part of the year. the leaves experiencing a color alteration, scarlets and golds carpeting the ground— a yearly harvest of the earth where everything was gradually being taken away. long gone was the heat of the summer; the chilly evening breeze sure was much friendlier than of winter. the season served as a comforting quilt. it was such a great time for warm drinks that could lift up the mood even for the wariest.

you let go of a breath as you stared at the window, the sun was setting. the color fleshed out in the sky golden, jiving well with the surrounding that was already of the same palette. with an indoor shoot for a seasonal issue of a magazine, it sure was a tiring day. the sound of camera clicks still ringing in your head, along with the hushed talks and chitchats coming from the staff members and the models.

at first, you were hesitant to accept the project. afraid that you’d bump by one of the renowned fashion designers in your region, park serim. but then, you couldn’t just chicken out when a hefty sum was to be paid. the relief you had when you saw that his name wasn’t on the list of designers was almost the same kind of relief you'd have after preventing big trouble from occurring.

“i finished placing back the props in the room.” hyeongjun’s voice was still as bright as it was this morning as if not touched by any fatigue. he was one of the photographers you hired in your studio, offering only fine shots. “i’ll be going home early, just send me a message about what time tomorrow’s shoot will be!”

“thank you, junie.” a smile was on your brim as you nodded on his words, watching him pack his camera and leave afterward.

silence melted in the room as soon as hyeongjun stepped out. alone in your photography studio, you sat on a stool used earlier by one of the models. the room was dimly lit with only one of the umbrella lights open. it was only by then that you realized your thighs were already stiff from the nonstop work earlier. you wanted to go home and just be in the comforts of your bed.

pulling out your phone, you dialed your brother’s number, frowning when it took him quite a while to pick up. was he busy or did he just forget that he was supposed to pick you up tonight?

jungmo would always fetch you by your studio after his working hours concluded. with the two of you living together in the same house, your brother just found it ideal— bringing you to your work every morning and giving you a drive home every evening. it might seem like he was babying you, but it was a gesture you grew fond of.

“y/n?” jungmo gasped on the other line. it seemed like he was outside, music playing in the background which mingled well with the peals of laughter. “shit, i forgot to tell you.”

you raised a brow, questioning his words. “what’s the matter?”

“can’t fetch you today.” you can already envision the pout he had on his lips. “i’m at a party with allen and woobin, catching up with my colleagues. i’ll make it up to you tomorrow, i promise!”

“alright. i’ll just ride the bus then.” it was your turn to purse your lips. you can’t bring yourself to complain about it though. “have fun! just stay in woobin’s apartment tonight, don’t drive!”

“i will, i will,” jungmo replied, a call of his name following. his friends might’ve been looking for him already. “text me alright? get home safely, y/nie.”

at the end of the phone call came another sigh from you. a tightlipped smile braced your lips as you stood to turn off the remaining lights. you retrieved your camera and placed it back in one of the drawers. making sure everything was back to its place, secured; you gave the place one final look. something you’d do every single day before going home. a reminder of the thing you loved the most. a reminder of what could have been.

the sidewalk wasn’t as empty as you imagined it to be, maybe you weren’t used to walking to the bus stop anymore. strangers of different day occurrences exchanged various looks that shared one same element, tiredness.

when the wind blew, fallen leaves danced along with it. the slight coldness making you tuck your hands inside the pocket of the cardigan you were wearing. you loved the cool breeze, but not when you knew you had to stay out on an open shed with it as your companion. cold weather could be your friend, a company for a better evening sleep. but rather a harsh fellow when you had to be alone, when loneliness can easily be injected to your senses.

tracing the path, a memory went to play in your head. way back in college, this was the same sidewalk you’d walk in with your ex-lover. a camera on your hand while he had a roll of satin in his arms. it was such a usual view for the two of you as you talked about how the day went, ranting about the monotonous lectures, gushing over how you missed each other’s company and how you wished that the two of you could get back to your shared apartment as soon just so you can snuggle on the couch.

you glanced at the sky, the cloud hiding the few scattered twinkling stars. a faint smile spread upon your lips, only to disappear when your gaze went back to the bus stop. the male that passed by in a form of fleeting memory earlier was standing right in front of you as if fleshed out from your mind. a lavender-colored paper bag was hanging on his arm, the logo of his product line delicately stamped on the middle. his phone was resting on his other hand, if he was scrolling through sns or texting someone, you weren’t sure.

the magical feeling he used to offer long gone, your stomach twisting into several knots. a cold sensation went down in your spine as a familiar tug came to pull your heartstring. he’s back? what is he doing here? he lives here again?

your thoughts were loud in your head, but none of it was pulled out loud. each word ending up as a lump in your throat. the air was thickening, your heart beating fast, not out of excitement, but out of the clashing thoughts that left you so nervous and confused. it had been years, how come a single sight of him made you feel like all your resolutions are gone? how did a single sight of him become enough to shatter the glass that protected you from the ache that night had caused you?

it was cold. but no, it was no longer because of the autumn breeze.

“serim?” the name was uttered in the same way you would before everything came crashing, yet it held a much weaker tone. you can’t even remember the last time your voice came to wrap around the syllables of his name.

the male turned his head to look at you, a brow raised as he stared at you. no obvious emotion, his eyes held no recognition.

and his reply? it sent a shiver down your spine, your stomach flipping in a horrendous manner.

“who are you?”

for a moment, the air caused such a nauseous feeling— thin and hard to inhale. it was only three words, yet it was powerful enough to serve as a punch in the gut.

how can he forget?

how can he forget how the two of you first met?

not that it was a very momentous event, just a regular struggle faced by two college students that needed someone else to accomplish a project for a major subject. there were no butterflies involved, nor did sparks fly the moment you met. regardless, up until now, that day burned fresh in your mind.

“i know someone from that department,” woobin said without even looking at you, his eyes focused on his book. though you weren’t sure if he was really paying attention to the words written there as he kept on diving in the conversation every now and then.

“and who might that be?” the dreadful task of having to pair up with the design department had been inhabiting your mind ever since it was given to you. pressure rising as you saw your other blockmates having no hard time getting themselves out there and communicating with the department they weren’t really accustomed to. you still have a month and a half, you were sure you can still make it. it was just a photoshoot anyway, featuring your partner’s designs.

“park serim,” woobin finally answered as if he had to think hard of the person’s name. “i think no one had asked him to become their partner, he’d be available to do it.”

desperate to get over with the task, later that day, you found yourself by the catwalk the design students would take. it was a path that connected their building to the main gate directly. your building wasn’t exactly far away from theirs, but still of a different building. with their building equipped with supplies and machineries for final products, yours were of computers, lightings, and screens.

you stared at your phone, his instagram profile opened. earlier, you already took the pleasure of checking his works out and without much filtering, him as well. he sure does love taking pictures of himself; something that could work perfectly with him being your subject. once satisfied, you left him a dm that was probably one of the most awkward sentences you had ever typed in the entirety of your life.

a notification popped out as you look at your screen, which was shortly followed by another. it was only of common courtesy to follow him before asking him for a favor right? you did that before messaging him and now he followed you back and replied to your dm. unlike you, he didn’t spend much time wandering in your profile. well, as if he had so much to look unto aside from the sceneries and some stories posted.

‘you were the person woobin was talking about? i’ll be out in two minutes. see you in the catwalk.’

it wasn’t too long of a duration, you allowed yourself to simply jump from a social media to another, mindlessly scrolling and liking some post every now and then. only lifting your head up when a wave of students began getting out of the establishment. most were holding mannequins with unfinished clothing attached to them, some were holding rolls of fabrics you weren’t sure what to call.

with squinted eyes, you tried to look for him among the crowds. woobin said that serim was a fashion design major, so he’d probably be holding the same thing as the other students that came out.

and he was.

leaning on his shoulder was a mannequin, asymmetrically dressed in silk. it wasn’t sewn yet, only supported by sewing pins. an arm wrapped around a roll of what seemed to be linen of pastel blue color. there was also a paper bag hanging on his arm which seemed to have some extra fabric and maybe some other supplies.

you walked towards him with a wave to which he gave you a confused look at first, the frown melting away when he realized that you were the one who messaged him not even an hour ago.

“you’re y/n?” he asked, merely to confirm.

you nodded your head and offered a hand in carrying the paper bag. something he didn’t refuse to. “so…” unsure of how to bring up the means of meeting with him after his class, your voice trailed.

“what do you need anyway?” he supported your words as he traced the path of the sidewalk. “take pictures of me or take pictures of the clothes i make?”

“both.” a chuckle left your lips, laced with nothing but sheer abashment, at the same time mentally cursing this project. you were okay with taking pictures, but the negotiation that comes with it wasn’t a task you were so used to doing.

serim hummed, saying an almost inaudible ‘i see’ before taking a big step and stopping in front of you to do a curt observation. his gaze trailing from toes up to your shoulder. “i’ll agree to do it, if you’ll model for me for a project.”

blinking your eyes multiple times, a baffled frown came to mask your countenance. “what?”

“i need a model that will wear the dress i’m doing by the end of the semester,” serim uttered nonchalantly, proceeding to turn his back to you and resume walking. “that would be quits.”

“i’ll do it,” you said, despite still being hesitant. having close to zero knowledge about how such a presentation would work, you were so close to disagreeing. but then again, it would only be a good way to repay him, right? and perhaps the other fashion design students would ask you of the same thing if you try to team up with them.

turning to look at you, there was a curve that formed on his brim. “that’s a deal then.”

how can he forget how the two of you confessed to each other?

two months. it took two months of random meet ups, daily conversations, and occasional hanging out to get to know each other. the awkward messages of checking up on each other’s side of the project turned to asking about each other’s day, sharing rants about academic life or life in general. the occasional hanging out turning to planned dates and spontaneous ones when the two of you both have the time to spare.

you’d usually stay in his unit as he worked on the dress for his project, a clothing that perfectly suits your figure. late night talks induced by the slightest energy given by coffee the two of you had clung into in hopes of being able to finish what was due.

it seemed like time flew by and before you knew it, you were in the backstage. serim was pacing back and forth, more nervous than you were. he wasn’t the one that was going to the stage, but sure his body was restless.

“are you alright?” you asked him once the two of you were left alone in the dressing room.

this was enough for serim’s movement to come to a halt. even when his eyes landed on you, it was obvious that his mind was floating. in fact, it even took him hot seconds before he was able to commit to a verbal response. “i am.”

“you are?” a smile broke out of your countenance which was eventually followed by a chuckle. “are you sure with that?”

your laughter was adequate to ease his nerves a little, a curve appearing on his lips. “i am.”

one of his classmates who was in charge of the flow came knocking to the door, signalling that you should be on standby.

“i’ll do my best,” you said, walking toward the door. it would be a definite lie to say that you were not at all nervous. a deep breath taken before twisting the knob, stopping when serim called you. it was covered with a bit, yet noticeable hesitation that it made you cock a brow for a moment.

“good luck.” it was all that he uttered, along with a gesticulation of him raising both fists. though serim’s mind spoke of different words, words he had little courage to let go of. at least not yet at that moment.

you gave him a smile, nodding your head afterward. “thank you.”

and off you go.

roaring crowds and camera clicks; the auditorium set up for the use of the fashion design students as they exhibit their works through their chosen models. formerly, you’d find yourself among the crowds, snapping pictures and admiring the clothes done by the other students. but this time, you found yourself clothed in a floral print silk-blend asymmetrical dress designed by serim himself.

the lights were blinding, being always part of the photographers, you were quite accustomed with how you were part of the persons behind the camera lense. serim was in the dressing room, watching the runway from the screen that displayed the live broadcast. some of your friends were among the crowds, your older brother even telling you before the show started that he’d be sure to take pictures of you.

fortunately, the few days of practice didn’t go to waste, no major mistakes happened when you modeled serim’s design. perhaps the only problem was you were a little stiff, something too trivial for some audience to notice.

as soon as you stepped by the backstage, serim’s proud smile welcomed you. unable to rest in the dressing room once he saw you getting out of the stage, he practically ran to meet you behind the curtains.

his eyes were filled with adoration, not just for the dress he finished making, but for the overall beauty you radiated. without much thought, he walked closer to you, soon wrapping you in an embrace. tight, yet gentle.

“you did well, y/n,” serim whispered, not letting go.

a soft chuckle was heard from you, your cheeks burning. “you did well,” you corrected. “please, it’s your design.”

“thank you.” releasing you, a smile lingered on his visage. “i’ll make you a better dress in the future.”

“you don’t have to, but thanks,” you replied before the two of you sunk into silence. regardless of how the surrounding was of heavy music and cheers, peace had found its way to emanate in the dimmed part of the area.

no words spoken, yet feelings poured when serim leaned closer. his lips easily capturing yours enough to make your heart pound in your chest, louder than it did while you were in the catwalk.

serim broke the kiss, his lips still close with yours. his eyes were of another glow when he uttered a set of words, familiar yet foreign. “i love you.”

once again, you were under his spell. soft kiss turning into a sloppy one once he guided you to a more secluded area. it would be such a waste to rip the dress off given that it was an original design, yet as the person who sewn each part of the clothing you were wearing, serim had his way to resolve the small dilemma.

the surrounding was silenced, your body frail under each of his touch, breath taken away, chest heaving. sure, it was a night you won’t be able to forget.

how can he forget about how the two of you practically lived with each other for years?

the exuberance exuded while the two of you carried several boxes into an empty unit you called home. maybe it wasn’t really about the place, but it was who you were with. his arms served as a shelter. his hand caught tears of both happiness and sadness. his lips pressed affection that no one else could offer. everywhere with serim was of comfort, of tranquility— a home.

living with another person, being under a single roof wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to adjust to. throughout the first few months of living together, your head was filled with memories of sheer trial and error as the two of you tried to learn the curves. this included adjusting for each other or at least compromising for what the other likes that the other doesn’t. silly mistakes became such a fond memory.

the smell of burnt food that wafted in the air when the two of you decided to stay on the balcony while cooking dinner. astonished by the stars and the almost endless stories that passed on both lips the meal you were preparing was left neglected. that night, the two of you shared bitter food of dark exterior, quite hard to swallow. but the laughter that filled the house after the incident lifted up each other’s mood. despite the bad-tasting meal, it was probably one of the best dinners you had in that apartment.

it didn’t end there. who would forget about the laundry disaster that rendered one of serim’s white long sleeves saturated with colors you weren’t sure what to call. the mixture of forget-me-not blue and azalea pink stood as the most distinguishable pigment along with the other colors. serim only let out of a chuckle at what occurred, even joking that maybe the two of you could start a business of dying white clothing in such a way.

the best memory thus far was a late-night run by the convenience store when the two of you were chasing a morning deadline. a grumbling stomach that broke the mutual silence the two of you exchanged, along with a suspecting look that ended up with laughter.

“let’s buy some food,” serim suggested, removing the tape measure from his shoulder and settling it to the mannequin.

you hit save on your laptop, the editing could wait for a few minutes.

pulling yourself off the chair, you gazed at him with a smile. it wasn’t a surprise that he had the same beam, as bright as the morning, regardless of how the evening was already crawling onto the whole city. sometimes, you wondered how a simple smile could give you so much energy. what kind of magic does a beam flashed by the person you love hold?

a few snacks picked up by the convenience store; a bag in his hand, your hand on the other as the two of you walked back to your unit. the evening sky and the soft gush of wind amplifying the peacefulness provided by the city. no words were exchanged, yet the silence was enough of a word.

deadlines momentarily escaping the mind as you allowed yourself to be engulfed by his presence. his soft voice breaking the silence, the phrase that left his lips drew a curve on your lips. “i love you, y/n.” you weren’t looking at him, but you could perceive the smile he had. “so much.”

“i know,” you replied.

serim’s steps became slower as he looked at you, waiting for the actual response. with a tilted head and shining eyes that reflected your figure and the street lights, his gaze didn’t waver.

a chuckle left your lips, finding yourself lost in his eyes for a moment. “i love you too, serim.” you squeezed his hand, cueing him to continue walking. “so much.”

sighing out of content, a radiant smile decorated his lips.

at that moment, the two of you wished nothing more but just to be next to each other for as long as life would grant you.

how can he forget about your first anniversary?

it wasn’t grand, just the two of you sitting by the balcony. the bouquet he bought abandoned on the dinner table as the two of you gushed over plans you were sure were realistic enough to be achieved. your eyes twinkling with mirth, a lifetime with him sure was the ideal one you’d want to spend.

“y/n,” despite being just beside you, serim called.

you looked at him with a brow raised, catching his eyes on yours. “mhm?”

a smile simply spread onto his lips before he broke the gaze. his hand seeking for an item inside the pocket of his hoodie, a small box retrieved afterward. there, a necklace sat. the pendant was of a ring that was not entirely decorated with fancy stones, rather a lone blue sapphire stone was on it.

“the pendant is a promise ring,” serim explained before scooting closer to you. his hand reached for the back of your head while the necklace rested on your skin. he locked the jewelry on your neck, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead after.

you were silent the whole time, not because you didn’t like the gesture. but because you were sure words wouldn’t be enough to express the satisfaction and light feeling that was blanketing your heart.

serim had a faint smile as he admired the necklace for a moment. just like you, his heart was in an ocean of peaceful joy. lifting his head to look at you directly, he gave your lips a light peck. “i’ll buy you a better one once we’re ready for it.”

“thank you.” your countenance mirrored the same expression serim had— of joy and serenity. “i love you so much.”

“i love you too.” serim leaned in for another quick kiss, swift yet lingering. “i can’t wait to spend a lifetime with you.”

the evening droned on and on with the two of you staying by the balcony, exchanging conversations about the future. two hearts in one home, seemingly able to find the path where both can hold each other’s hand. minds filled with dreams where the other can also be spotted. a considerably spacious studio apartment became the foundation of your plans and dreams.

aspirations that soon became the neglected cause of why your relationship with him gradually crumbled down.

how can he forget about your very first fight?

gazes that held no definite emotion, silence that cut through the air— it was all an unfamiliar experience, hard to swallow. something that you weren’t able to forget easily as it was the first time you’ve ever seen serim with such a cold expression.

the coaster of shows on the television had long passed, a few recaps played. something that wasn’t really able to get a hold of your attention. your mind drifting elsewhere and the few notifications appearing on your phone were the only ones that managed to pull you out of your daze momentarily.

“where’s serim?” for the nth time that day, you asked. the room was quiet with only a few chatters from the screen in front of you. the evening was growing older and older, but you haven’t received any message about serim's whereabouts. neither had he sent you a message the whole afternoon.

worried, you opted to stay up and wait for him. even prepared a meal that can be easily heated so he can have something to eat once he arrives in case he hasn’t eaten anything yet.

with the door clicking, you were quick to get off the couch. the faint footsteps signaling you right away.

“you’re finally home,” you said, a smile easily located on your brim. only for it to melt away at the sight of serim’s stern look. his gaze piercing through, enough for chills to trace your spine.

he walked past you, not even offering you the regular hugs and kisses he would do every time he’d arrive. all that was left were cold stares. something you attempted to break. and heck did you regret doing so.

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? have you already eaten?” the worry you had accumulated coming through in waves of questions.

a sigh was emitted out of his mouth as he went to get himself a drink. it seemed like a verbal response was not an option for him since he continued to ignore your questions. at this point, it was as if there was no one else in the room. it was like you weren’t there.

“did something happen, serim?”

a minute. it was all it took for the entirety of your relationship to come to an unknown turn. the curve strange, it crawled to the skin with such a frigid touch enough for your stomach to flip horribly.

“can you give me a break?” serim hissed, a glare shoot in your direction. his voice growing power word after word. your breath was taken away, how can words suffice to make you feel so small? he placed his glass on the sink, the item almost meeting its demise. he turned to look at you once again. “can’t you see, i’m tired?”

“i waited for you.” the words spilled out of your lips, disappointment hugging your tone.

“who told you to wait for me?” serim snarled and before you knew it, you were already standing on the same page. similar expression, different cause. yours were anchored in concern, while his were of fatigue from the whole day of heavy workload. those seemed to have lulled both of your senses, blinding each other.

“oh well, i was just worried about you because you didn’t send me a message the whole afternoon up to this point.”

“do i really need to report my actions to you?”

“no, but you have to at least tell me if you’re going home late.” your voice gradually softened, a tear held back.

no, you can’t cry. no, not in front of him. no.

“i was worried,” you broke out. but it wasn’t enough for his fumes to dissolve. like gasoline poured into flames, each of your replies only intensified the exasperation boiling in his stomach.

“i’m going to rest.” serim sigh was audible as he stormed off to your room, leaving you with tears in your eyes.

a minute.

it only took half a minute for everything to fall out of its order. that fight wasn’t the last one and each passing day, the unit you once called home was stuck with unfamiliarity.

it was no longer a home.

how can he forget about that night?

cold meals by the table had your eyes fixated on them. the date encircled in red, a supposedly special day that turned bitter. different from how you used to spend it before—of laughter and warm touches— serim wasn’t there. he was far too involved with projects that your shared unit only became a short shelter. words were barely exchanged, yet alone gazes. you still sleep on the same bed as him, but no warmth was offered.

you weren’t sure which was better, to continue living with him even if it felt like you weren’t living with him or to have him gone in your life for real. regardless of the turns that occurred, the continuous erosion of your relationship, you couldn’t find it to yourself to let go. still tied by your attachment to the former serim.

a sigh left your lips, desolated gaze trailing on the table. you tried. but it seemed like those attempts were futile. it takes two people’s efforts. you can’t revive a relationship alone.

switching place, you went to the living room and sat by the couch. the place dimly lit by a lone lampshade. the city lights filtering through the window. the air gradually thickened around you, it held your throat in a vice grip. the photographs displayed by the shelves were foreign to you, despite how it was simply you and serim. it was like you were staring at completely different people. smiles had long been taken away, touches had melted, flutters subsided— all that was left was a terrible feeling of helplessness. something that seemed to guide you to nowhere. you were lost.

before, you were sure of how the story was to be written. how the chapters were to unfold. but right now, you weren’t even certain what would be on the next page. it was like the next ones were torn from the spine, gone. oh hell, you weren’t even sure what page you were on right now or if the story was bound to be written in the first place.

serim’s arrival went unnoticed at first. only until you heard the clink of the glass meeting the sink did you turn in his direction. an empty gaze was earned and for some reason you found yourself offering him a faint smile. a small gesture packed in pain that was quick to course through your senses.

sighing had become his way of greeting. dark circles under his eyes and the disheveled look emanated how his work had been weighing him. but your mouth was closed regardless of how you wanted to speak of reassurance and praise. it was strange, the inability to speak of warm words around him. why were you so held by fear?

“serim,” you called, breaking the floating silence.

he looked at you, eyes deep like he was examining a piece of fabric. it was enough for your stomach to churn. the stillness continued after your call. you weren’t sure how to continue it; it was as if his name was unnatural in your tongue. not only was your breath sucked, but also all the possible words had dissipated.

yet again another sigh as he tore his gaze away, stepping towards the bedroom. “i’m so tired, y/n,” he uttered, setting a line for you to not cross onto. “very tired.”

resurfacing on your brim was a smile. your eyes weren’t exactly skillful of lying though as tears soon gathered on it. heart hollowed in emptiness as if a scream would echo on its wall. likewise, your voice decided to betray you— shaking. “serim, i’m getting tired too.”

for a swift moment, serim tried to come up with an answer. but just like you, comforting words seemed to be an unfamiliar language. even aware of how a look would be inadequate, he only stared at you. his eyes don’t speak of words nor radiated comfort— it was vacant. lowering his head, he carded his fingers on his hair before letting go of a breath.

serim finally stepped inside the bedroom.

and that was how the two of you parted ways.

how can he forget about you?

it went on and on in your head, the question continuously striking.

a gush of autumn breeze pulled you out of your daze. serim was still looking at you, his eyes slowly lightening with recognition. a few blinks and he spoke. “oh, wait.” he tilted his head to the side. “y/n?”

you weren’t exactly sure what kind of answer to give, but you gave it your best to offer a faint smile. “yes.”

still— despite how other people were walking on the sidewalk and how vehicles passed by the road, the surrounding seemed to come to a stillness you didn’t ask for. denying and pushing away the feelings you’ve long ago tried to bury and made yourself believe that you’ve healed from only brought a new wave of pain. as if you were its child, sadness came to hug you.

just in time, the bus arrived as if to save you from further drowning in emotions you didn’t wish to engulf you in. to your surprise, serim also boarded in. while you chose to sit somewhere just nearby the driver, he went to the last row.

usually, your rides on the way home were the most relaxing ones. a time to just stare at the window and watch the night spread into the city. it will always be accustomed by jungmo asking you on and on about how your day went and also sharing about how his day went. but your brother wasn’t around for that kind of support right now. and you can’t blame him for it. you can’t blame anyone for this unexpected meeting with the person you never knew you’d ever meet again.

the ride was sickeningly slow, all you wished was to get home and allow your voice to echo in your room. to release the emptiness if it was even possible to empty something that was already vacant. the sky held no comfort. its color dissipated and all that was left was an empty canvas that like a broken record, played memories. it was silly how despite those quick memories popping in and out of your mind, questions still managed to penetrate.

serim was living in another city, why did he ride the same bus? was he to meet his new lover? maybe to meet an old friend?

or did he perhaps mean to meet you? this was a guess you despised. the hope it brought that maybe an answer for all the questions formed that night were to be given tasted bitter in your mouth and offered restlessness in the heart.

an urge to talk to him surfaced, but then you asked yourself why. why would you want to talk to him? for what?

despite being curious about the reason why he left that night, a certain fear crawled onto your senses. the fear of knowing.

what could knowing his reasons possibly bring you?

the time when the two of you loved each other wasn’t of the best timing. two newly graduates seeking career growth, wanting nothing but to achieve various goals. those were dreams drawn with the other person placed as a part of it. however, during the process of achieving those, that same person where the aspiration was rooted gradually disappeared from the mind. the path the two of you promised to take together came at crossroads and you ended up taking something different from what he preferred to go to.

at first, there was a powerful yearning that made the two of you grow more fond of each other. but it was slowly replaced by numbness towards it, making love such a foreign word.

you understood. but it wasn’t something you had fully accepted.

a familiar shed came to flash on the window, your stop nearing. and when the vehicle finally came to a halt, you gave serim a final glance. he was looking at you, not moving from his seat. dismissing the contact, you walked down the bus and began tracing the sidewalk with heavy steps.

disappointment curled into your stomach when you arrived near your house, realizing that the recurring questions will not be answered. however, fate played its game. anxiousness arose when once again you heard your name wrapped around serim’s voice.

you turned to look at him, his lips hesitant to let go of a word.

serim was also in deep thoughts, mind all over the place despite how he already had the resolution to talk to you, not to explain and justify himself, but to apologize for the damage done.

“i’m sorry for that night,” serim began, the initial words already clinging into his chest, weighing down. “i should’ve been more honest with you and trusted you more with my struggles.”

there was nothing serim wanted but to prove himself worthy of you. achieve things that could make you be proud of him and deem him as someone who deserves you. working up to late hours, diving into designs in order to perfect his craft. the thing was, he forgot that you already loved him even when he was simply that serim. that you loved him as park serim.

blinded by the goal, the mean diminished. as he was too caught up with it, he was no longer striding towards it for you, but for himself.

“it was selfish of me to decide for something we both should be deciding for. i left that night thinking it was better that way without even considering how you will feel,” serim continued, his voice weakening. he lifted his hand as if to hold you, but stopped midway. it fell to his side as he breathed in. “i’m sorry. i’m really sorry.”

“i was hurt, but you were probably hurt as well.” the way those words left your lips ever so calmly surprised you. “it wasn’t the most pleasant experience, but i hope we both learned from it.” a smile became evident on your visage. “promise me one thing serim, do not make the same mistake with your future lover.”

“i will not,” serim replied.

both of you never really imagined the end of your relationship and as the page of it was torn years ago, an ending was deemed impossible to earn. closing a book would never be that easy, but some stories were meant to end— yours included.

“also, this is for you.” serim handed you the paper bag he was holding. “i told you years ago that i’ll make you a better dress, and here it is. i figured that i wouldn’t be able to keep the promise laced on the ring i gave you before but i at least want to have one of my promises kept.”

you looked at the item for a moment before turning to serim once again. “thank you.”

“i also want you to know that i truly loved you.”

never at once did you doubt serim’s love for you. the thing about it is that people will grow and know love from a better perspective. know how to best keep it. know how to best show it. but it will not change the fact that back then, you felt that it was love.

serim had a single flaw and that was to hold everything to himself to the point that those created a wide gap between the two of you. the distance far enough that reaching his hand became impossible despite how you wanted to hold him.

and maybe during that time, parting was the best solution. and up to this point, it was too.

“it’s nice seeing you again, serim.”

“likewise, y/n.” a genuine smile crossed his lips. “goodbye?”

“goodbye.”

tonight, you gave him a piece of your heart. it was his, to begin with. whatever he was to do with it— keep it, throw it, crush it— it was a decision for him to make. keeping something that shouldn’t be there would only bring further destruction, it’s way better to have an empty spot in your heart rather than keep a damaged one.

the breeze embraced you. the goodbyes uttered were to serve as a beginning. there were new questions that formed and you knew there were tears that were yet to be spilled. but it was a start. opening a buried wound would never be pleasant, but it was way better to open it yourself than have it bare you.

staring at the newly planted hyacinth in the neighboring flower bed, you let go of a sigh. they will bloom in the spring. and you hoped that you would experience the same.

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 25

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised@alastair-appreciation-month

Previous Chapter: Chapter 24

Next Chapter: Chapter 26

Uncle Jem had brought several of the Carstairs family’s old notebooks, and the past week they’d spend studying them to see if there was anything interesting. They’d rescued Grace, but no one had been able to find Tatiana since, nor did they know what they were up against exactly and if they could defeat it. Cordelia believed cortana could kill it, but walking in with no plan would just get them all killed.

Thomas felt like they were running out of time. He hadn’t told anyone yet, but he felt tired lately, much more than usual. For Alastair that was normal, he guessed, Alastair was always tired and therefore Thomas had no reason to complain. Still, it was odd and sudden. Then he’d gotten a bit of a headache, and right now he struggled to finish his lunch, which was already much smaller than what he usually ate. He’d eaten much less than he usually did the past days, truth to be told. He just didn’t have the same appetite. He was feeling a little chilly too, but guessed he should just put on a cardigan.

‘Are you alright, Tommy?’ his mother asked. ‘You’ve been eating so little lately.’

‘Just nervous, that’s all,’ Thomas said.

The thing was, Thomas didn’t usually eat less when he was nervous. If anything he ate more, he’d always been a stress eater. Instead he figured he was coming down with something. Someone else might just have said, ‘I think I’m getting sick, I’m going to rest a bit’, but after a childhood of frequent illness and worrying parents Thomas couldn’t get the words over his lips. He’d make sure to rest a bit more, he told himself. But he didn’t want to worry anymore, and he especially didn’t want his parents to start taking care of him like they used to when he was young.

Instead, he returned his attention to Alastair, who had long finished eating and gone outside to read. A ray of sunlight fell on his cheek, illuminating his warm golden brown skin. His eyes were fixated in a journal so old it looked like it might fall apart any moment. Not in Alastair’s careful hands though. He was holding the journal with meticulous care, so no damage would come to it. With his free hand, he pushed a lock of hair behind his ear, but it was not yet long enough to stay there so it fell back in front of his face. Back in school, Alastair would slick his hair back with hair gel, always perfectly in order, not a hair out of place. Thomas, who usually took a comb through his hair and left it at that, had wondered where he found the time. Now it was falling in soft wavy locks over his face. At school Thomas would never have guessed Alastair’s hair was wavy, but it was loose now and Thomas had grown to love gently running his fingers through it. He’d always loved Alastair’s dark hair, he thought. Alastair had shown him a picture from when he’d dyed it blonde, and although that looked alright, Thomas thought his dark hair was much more beautiful.

‘Anything interesting?’ Thomas asked, sitting down on the bench next to Alastair.

A gnome came up to his feet. Thomas and his mother had been feeding them to gain their trust, and not long since the gnomes had learnt that Thomas meant a chance for food. He guessed there were still plenty of cookies he didn’t feel like eating at the moment anyway, but he also wasn’t motivated to go into the kitchen and get anything. Thomas guessed resisting that adorable smile was good practice for when he got pets.

‘Nothing yet,’ Alastair said. ‘But I think I’m getting to the part that described that witch. It might give us some clues about what else Lucie can do.’

‘Have you discussed with Cordelia where you’ll live after the summer?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair had confided in him that even if his mother managed to get back the house and could go and live there, he was considering moving in with uncle Jem for the time being. His father’s house held too many bad memories, and Thomas could understand it would not be good for his recovery to live there again. Alastair had not yet made a decision, but Thomas thought it might be good for him.

‘She has not yet decided what she’ll do,’ Alastair said. ‘She is a bit young to live without her mother after all. Besides, with our mother pregnant it would be better to have someone with her. If she doesn’t get the house back, I presume she would stay with Risa and with me gone there might be enough space for Cordelia as well. But I’m almost nineteen, I figured it might be time to move out. Even if I’m moving in with another relative instead of getting my own place.’

‘That’s just practical, living on your own would be expensive. Besides, Jem won’t be another parent, will he? So you’ll still get to practice your adulting skills in a relatively safe environment. Does Jem live far away from your mother?’

‘Completely different part of London, but still in the city,’ Alastair said. ‘Easy to travel to university from there. It’s a big house, so I’ll really have my own space and get to take care of myself, with Jem still there in case I can’t. I’ve lived there until I was about six. When I was still happy, there are no bad memories tied up to that place. I thought maybe I could be happy again there.’

‘Where does Jem live exactly?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair gently put the notebook away, closing it carefully and putting it down in his lap. He took his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, showing him a screen of google maps with a marker where Jem lived.

‘Oh, that’s not far from where my parents live,’ Thomas said. ‘Only a few stops with the metro. We live close to the station.’

‘I didn’t realize. Well, that’s convenient. Makes it easy to have sleep overs or go out together if we don’t live too far away.’

‘Precisely,’ Thomas said. ‘Would you like to go for a walk when you’re finished here? A short one, I am a little tired. But I’d like some fresh air.’

Alastair carefully bound up his notebook and put it on the table inside with the others, before coming with him.

‘It’s safer to bring Lucie,’ Alastair said. ‘In case we get trapped in between again.’

Alastair had a point, although Thomas would like some time alone with him. He was so busy at work all the time, ever since Jem had arrived he was preoccupied with the journals. Thomas missed their walks.

‘Alright, we’ll walk to uncle Will and aunt Tessa and ask her and Cordelia to come. I’m curious if uncle Gabriel and aunt Cecily are coming this way too. Jem said they were struggling to find a babysitter.’

‘Right, for little Alexander,’ Alastair said.

‘And Christopher,’ Thomas added. ‘My other cousin. He’s almost seven now.’

‘What’s he like?’ Alastair asked.

‘Different from Alexander, that’s for sure,’ Thomas said. ‘Alexander is a menace. Sweet, but fierce and hyperactive and if you don’t watch him for two seconds he’s swinging from the curtains somewhere. Christopher… he’s not as wild. He’s curious and is obsessed with science. He likes to do simple experiments, and we sometimes have to keep him from setting things on fire. I’m not sure he realizes “Don’t try this at home” applies to him as well. Fortunately, putting on a science show on tv usually keeps him from blowing anything up. Usually, my sisters and I babysit them when necessary, but he also adores uncle Henry, who is an inventor.’

It occurred to Thomas that Henry was Charles’ father. Sometimes children did not resemble their parents, he guessed. It had been a bit of a shock for everyone to learn that Charles had been Alastair’s former lover. Even if not everyone knew how awful he’d been to Alastair, they all had pieced together how much older Charles was. His father most of all had been horrified, since he’d known Charles since he was a baby. Thomas suspected he’d go confront Charles himself if Alastair hadn’t asked him not to. He knew Alastair was still ashamed of his past relationship and was still trying to make sense of it all. Thomas was glad he’d found trust in him and his parents, even if Thomas suspected Alastair still kept the worst of it to himself. Who could blame him? He wasn’t sure if Alastair finally believed his parents cared about him now, but at least he seemed to trust them which was a big step for Alastair. His mother had told him about her past and how she’d gotten her scar in an attempt to let him know he could talk about it and she understood.

‘As a child I had a phase where I liked science too,’ Alastair said. ‘I think I often had phases like that with different interests. When Cordelia and I were very young, we both loved architecture and played with all sorts of building toys and legos together. I also really liked math for a while. Then the animals from the forests in Devon. I lived there for a while in a small village. I think that’s when I grew a bit obsessed with hedgehogs.’

‘Christopher has been obsessed with science for some time now,’ Thomas said. ‘But we’ll see how it goes and what he’ll like in the future. He’s being assessed for autism and ADHD. He’s a sweet kid, but he struggles socially. Not a lot of friends unfortunately. I honestly think he prefers my company over his peers.’

‘I know what that’s like,’ Alastair said. ‘To be the child with the weird interests and never fit in with other children.’

‘You lived in Devon for a while. What was it like there?’

‘The scenery was amazing. The forests there are beautiful. The people… not so much, I prefer London.’

‘I lived in the countryside for a couple of years too when I was little, for my health. I think where I lived the people were nicer, more involved than in the city.’

Alastair made a face. ‘Not when you’re foreign and your mother wears a roosari. The people in Devon are mostly white. I don’t think Father really considered that when he moved us there, it was mostly about him. They might be kind if you’re part of their group, but they’re hostile to outsiders. Fortunately, we moved back after a couple of years.’

‘Ah, of course,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m sorry.’ He felt stupid for not considering that earlier.

‘Well, people are racist everywhere. But at least in London there are more people of color and people are at least used to the idea that not everyone’s white.’ My mother still gets dirty stares and comments for her roosari, but she’s not the only one who covers her hair. So while in Devon, I much preferred to spend my time in the woods looking for hedgehogs than with other people. I guess I still do.’

Thomas felt a bit numb in his head, shivering even if it wasn’t cold at all. Perhaps going for a walk wasn’t the best idea, but he wanted to spend some time outside just the same. He should have brought something warm to wear, was all. He wasn’t really sick, it was just not as warm as he’d expected. But Alastair wasn’t shivering at all, he seemed to enjoy the sun on his skin. Thomas did too but it didn’t bring him any warmth.

‘You need to go back for a cardigan?’ Alastair asked. ‘There are goosebumps all over your arms.’

‘Oh. No, I’ll be fine.’

Thomas felt faint in the head and by the time they made it to the Herondale’s house, his vision became a little blurry and he collapsed against the door. He was awfully nauseous yet didn’t feel like he was going to throw up. Alastair noticed his sudden movement and his reflexes were quick. He tried to catch him.

‘Why are you so goddamn heavy, Tom,’ he groaned, trying and failing to stop both of them from crashing into the door.

Leaning against Alastair and the door, Thomas pushed himself upright again, blinking a couple of times until he felt he could stand on his own feet again. Alastair’s soft fingers went from his cheek to his forehead, and Thomas immediately recognized what he was doing. It was the same thing his parents and sisters had done his entire childhood. If they didn’t have a thermometer at hand, they’d feel his forehead, his neck, and determine if he was allowed to go anywhere. Alastair was going to determine he was sick and then all that was left was for everyone to tuck him into bed and start taking care of him. Thomas had hoped to avoid that.

‘You’re burning up,’ Alastair said. ‘You should not be going outside, much less for a walk. Come, we’re here anyway, I’m sure you could use the couch.’

Alastair led him inside, one arm around his waist and the other in his hand, and packed him in blankets on the couch, fetching a thermometer and some paracetamol.

‘Alastair,’ Thomas said, trying to piece together words through the headache and light headedness.

‘Just let me get this,’ Alastair said, pushing the thermometer into Thomas’ ear.

‘Alastair,’ Thomas repeated.

’38,6,’ Alastair said. ‘Tom, you have a serious fever. Why didn’t you say anything? I’ll make you some tea, just relax.’

‘Alastair!’ Thomas yelled, startling the boy.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Please don’t. I can make my own tea, I can take my own temperature,’ Thomas said, trying to calm his breath. ‘I hate it when people take care of me. I told you about my sickness as a child. I don’t want things to be like that again, I don’t want to be taken care of. So please, don’t. Just let me do it.’

Alastair sat down next to him. ‘You were about to walk into the woods with a fever. I’ve seen how stubborn you are.’

‘Yes. I am stubborn. I didn’t realize it would be so bad. But please, let me make these mistakes by myself. I don’t want to be treated like a sick child again.’ Thomas paused, blinking away the tears in his eyes. He didn’t realize this would make him so emotional. ‘I always loved that about you, how you believed I could take anything. How you didn’t treat me as if I was fragile because I was small and used to get sick.’

Alastair sighed. ‘I was an ass to you, Tom. It had nothing to do with respect, or thinking you’re strong.’

‘I know, and it did hurt sometimes. But I loved that you believed I could take it. I knew you didn’t mean any of the things you said, and with me, it was always a bit more light hearted, teasing perhaps.

But you never forced me to go to bed and rest when I did not want it. Matthew grew up around me being sick all the time, and I think he learnt from a young age that I was fragile and to be taken care of. James too. But I never wanted that. I’ll rest, I promise. But I’ll make my own tea, alright?’

‘I’m sorry, Tom. You can make your own tea. Make some for me as well?’

Alastair settled onto the couch while Thomas went into the kitchen to put on the kettle, still wrapped in a blanket. He was too cold to go without it. While waiting for the kettle to boil, Thomas realized Alastair did have a point, he could barely stand upright. Still, he was determined to at least do this. If he wanted anything later, he could always ask Alastair. He picked out a selection of tea bags for Alastair and put in a herbal teabag for his own. Thomas didn’t believe herbal tea cured sickness, but it was worth a shot.

He settled back on the couch, wrapped the blankets back around himself and took two paracetamol, hoping that would at least lower the fever.

‘I really can’t believe you think of my being rude to you as something positive,’ Alastair said. ‘I made fun of your height all the time.’

Thomas shrugged from underneath the blanket. ‘I never minded when you called me pipsqueak or wee little Thomas, or, I don’t know, you had plenty to say.’

Alastair raised an eyebrow. ‘You certainly took your revenge.’

Thomas tried to find a comfortable position on the couch, blankets around him. Alastair did have a point with the paracetamol, and Thomas took two. Hopefully they’d lower his fever.

‘Perhaps I’ll start calling you pipsqueak,’ Thomas said. ‘The name suits you much better now.’

Alastair made an undignified sound. ‘I’m not that short.’

‘You’re plenty shorter than me,’ Thomas said. ‘I always kind of liked it, pipsqueak. It sounded sweet even if you meant it to be hurtful. Sometimes I feel like you never really did a good job at being mean anyway.’

‘I never wanted to hurt anyone,’ Alastair said, ‘and I did have a bit of a weak spot for you then. I can be even worse than what you’ve seen, but I save that for bigots.’

Thomas put his hand on Alastair’s cheek. ‘I always thought you were holding back on being mean, even if you could still be quite vicious. But pipsqueak is mine now.’

Alastair looked mortified. ‘I guess I can’t stop you, can I?’

Thomas lay down on the couch, head on a pillow. Why were all these blankets so small? His feet were still cold and he’d have to find a solution for that. Really, blankets should be made for tall people. Nobody short would complain about having a bit of leftover blanket.

‘It’s concerning, that you’re getting sick after all these years,’ Alastair said softly.

‘It’s nothing,’ Thomas said. ‘Everyone gets a fever every once in a while.’

‘I haven’t had a fever in years. Colds, at times, but rarely a fever,’ Alastair said.

‘You don’t get the flu?’ Thomas asked.

‘Not that I remember,’ Alastair said. ‘But I figured that’s just the age, as a child I would get the occasional fever like all children do, and I imagine I’ll get them again when I’m older.’

Thomas had gotten the flu a couple of time over the past years. Never anything serious or with abnormal frequency, but it had sent the entire family into a panic whenever it happened.

‘Please don’t tell my parents,’ Thomas said. ‘That I’m sick, I mean.’

‘How did you plan to keep it from them?’ Alastair asked.

‘Well, I was hoping I’d be better by the next morning,’ Thomas said. ‘I could sleep over here and then when I’m better pretend nothing happened.’

Alastair was skeptical. ‘I really don’t think you’ll feel better that soon, even if it is a normal flu.’

Lucie and Cordelia entered the room through the garden door, Cordelia turning her sword back into the familiar necklace. ‘Those are a lot of blankets,’ Lucie pointed out. She was right, and Thomas moved them around a bit so at least the biggest blanket would cover his feet, reaching up to his waist.

‘We wanted to revisit the ruins,’ Cordelia said. ‘See if there’s anything else that can give us information on Tatiana or the thief of souls. I was wondering if you would be coming.’

‘Thomas is sick,’ Alastair said.

‘Don’t stay behind on my behalf,’ Thomas said.

Alastair frowned. ‘You sure? I would gladly stay here with you.’

‘I think I’m going to get some sleep anyway,’ Thomas said. ‘Please don’t trouble yourself on my behalf. Go, I’ll still be here when you get back.’

‘Get well soon,’ Lucie said, putting her arms around him briefly. ‘You know how the tv works in case you want to watch a movie.’

‘I’ll be alright, Lu. Good luck with your mission.’

Thomas wanted to believe he had just caught the flu. Bad luck, nothing more. But perhaps that wasn’t the case. Perhaps he wouldn’t get better. Perhaps this meant they were running out of time.

[nose-bandaid]

layers

DK (Seokmin) x (gender neutral) Reader | college AU fluff | 4.2k words

synopsis: seokmin first captured your attention with his smile, and you were more than enthralled. then you captured HIS attention by utterly destroying his favourite scarf and then fleeing the scene (oops). but surely you can fix this before things get awkward, right?

a/n: it ended up more platonic than it did romantic but oh well,,, this is a very specific plot i apologize LOL

taglist: @elcie-chxn​ @woozisnoots​ (hi alex this is the seokmin fic you asked me to tag you in like MONTHS ago sksfhdjkjdsf) [send and ask or dm if you ever wanna be tagged in my works!]

=====

You've always called him the scarf boy. On alternating days, it was the sunshine(y) boy.

The first day you met him was actually about a week into the semester, when you glanced over to your left and saw him sitting on the other side of the lecture hall. Nothing out of the ordinary. Normally, you would’ve just looked away and carried on with your life. It’s not unusual for your eyes to wander around as you zoned in and out of the professor’s speech. That's what you get for always staying up late the night before.

But on that day, you found your eyes fixated on the boy for the next few minutes, and you watched as he whispered something to his friend. It must’ve been something funny because soon they were both giggling like fools and he smiled from ear to ear. 

And it was that smile that captivated you because you don't think you've ever seen such a bright smile before. 

His face was familiar. Surely you've seen him many, many times before today, you thought. And yet you couldn't place a name on the classmate.

You brought your attention back to the lecture for a brief second and then looked at your friend, Seungkwan, who sat to your left. You gently nudged him with your elbow and he spared a glance your way before going back to his notes. You nudged him again, this time a little harder.

“Hm?” He still didn’t look up from his notebook, but you knew you had his attention now.

“Do you know who that guy is?” You gestured with your head in the smiley boy’s direction, and Seungkwan finally looked up to follow your gaze.

“Oh, you mean the literal ball of sunshine that doesn't know how to shut up?” He replied in one breath.

“Huh?”

"I said that as a good thing, by the way. Or, for the most part. His name is Lee Seokmin, everyone on campus calls him a happy virus 'cause he keeps on smiling." He paused to scribble something down. 

It was probably something important and you should've written it as well, but you could tell he had more to say. You patiently waited. 

"I've heard that he's in the theatre club, but I'm not too sure. He's Soonyoung's friend, but not really mine."

"So he's a theatre kid, huh." You echoed quietly and Seungkwan quirked an eyebrow.

"Why are you asking? Also, I'm not lending my notes, it's your problem for not paying attention."

"I was just wondering." You answered a little too quickly but tried to divert the attention elsewhere by busying yourself with re-organizing your own notes. "And if you lend me notes, I'll bring snacks for you tomorrow." You added quietly when the professor glanced your way after shushing Seokmin and his friend.

"Deal." You heard him whisper back after a minute and his notebook slid into your vision.

=====

A few days later, you went to class early so that you could finish up a small assignment to prepare for the lesson. Once again, nothing out of the ordinary.

You sat in your usual spot — not too far in the back, but also not too close to the front. Just enough for you to see the board and sneakily hold conversations without really being noticed. 

There weren’t any assigned seats, but by now, it was a convention that everyone sat in the same spot every day. The spot beside yours was always saved for Seungkwan, and the spot beside his was saved for that one kid who only showed up once a month.

You were finishing up the last few pages when a loud “HELLO” echoed in the hall and you whipped your head towards the doorway.

It was that boy — Seokmin — dressed in a soft yellow hoodie, hair slightly ruffled as if he hadn’t bothered to fix it after waking up. Around his neck was the red knitted scarf he always wore the moment the weather grew cold. (Though you swore you've seen him wear it in the middle of the sweltering summer). He smiled widely, waving to the half-empty hall and then to the professor who simply chuckled at his entrance. That smile stayed on his face the entire time he made his way to his seat. 

From then on, you began to understand why people called him a happy virus.

The next day, you found yourself going to class early again, this time, because you honestly didn’t have anything better to do. Besides, arriving at a good time always made you comfortable. The moment the clock struck 8:46, the same boy appeared.

"HELLO!~"

This time, it was sung out in a (very beautiful) falsetto, and you wondered how it was even possible for him to be this exuberant so early in the morning. Waking up was always a struggle on your part.

Just as quickly as the show started, the boy shut himself up after receiving a few tired "hellos" from his classmates and took a seat.

The day went by accordingly.

Since you were little, you've always been told that something needs to be repeated at least three times for it to be considered a pattern. So you decided to go to class early just one more time. You told yourself it's so that you could see you were missing out on things. In case coming to class just in time was a bad habit. A lousy excuse, really.

You knew that you just wanted to see Seokmin again.

Sure enough — it was a Thursday that day — he came in, this time in a navy blue cardigan, but still with the same red scarf. The "hello" today was a little more subdued and based on the package he had in his hands, you guessed he had stayed up all night practicing his lines. When his greeting was met with unusual silence you looked around to see that everyone was far more focused on the upcoming test than the boy at the door. So you mustered up the courage to be the one greeting him that day and he immediately perked up, sending you an appreciative smile. His eyes remained brighter as he walked over to his seat.

You decided to come to class early every day after that.

=====

As the seasons changed, so did your classes, and you were more than happy to realize that you and Seokmin shared not just one, but two classes this semester.

Bouncing on your toes a little bit, you silently willed for the people in front of you to hurry the heck up. The narrow stairwell did no good for the congestion of students trying to get by. 

You glanced at your phone again to see that class was starting in just 3 minutes and grimaced at your predicament. You knew your professor loved starting lectures right on the clock, so you were already cutting it pretty close when you agreed to help someone with their spilled drinks before you got here. But now... did these students really have to carry their gigantic project up the stairs?

You had hoped that maybe they would step aside and let you scurry your way up to the second floor — that was literally all you needed for them. However, they seemed to be far too engrossed with the fact that one of the components was coming apart in the stuffy stairwell and you let out a sigh, backing out the door.

If they won't take the elevator then you supposed you will instead.

Thankfully, the usually crowded elevator was fairly empty, and you managed to score one all to yourself. That was a win for you if only everything else had gone as smoothly as that. Your day had only started and circumstances have suggested that it wasn't going to be the best ones out there.

Perhaps, it was also partly your fault for blasting music through your headphones in the morning. That caused you to get a little lost in your thoughts on the way here, it also caused you to bump into a few unsuspecting people. Or perhaps, it was because you decided that it was a good idea to check your phone after receiving a text to hurry to class when the elevator door was closing.

But you like to think that it was maybe also his fault for stuffing his face with a bagel at 8 am in the morning, rendering him unable to clearly shout out at you to keep the elevator door open.

You looked up at the strangled noise and saw Seokmin barrelling towards you, his one free hand wildly waving at you to do something about the situation. You, just as frantic as the boy was, rushed to smash the "open" button to no avail as the door continued to close with every step he took.

He made it, much to your relief, tumbling into the lift and almost spilling his coffee onto you (another drink disaster would've ruined your day completely). You didn't have much time to congratulate him for his feat, however, because you both watched in horror as his iconic knitted red scarf — caught in between the doors of the elevator — began to tear and unravel itself. 

Seokmin frantically lifted the scarf over his head and tried to pull it out of the elevator's grip while you reached down and grabbed it in an attempt to help. But all efforts were futile when the last stitch came apart, and he was left with only a fraction of what used to be his favourite red scarf. Your stomach twisted itself when you looked up and saw the distress in his eyes, his teeth biting down on his lip as if he was contemplating the best way to curse you out.

He was an actor though, and you could tell he was putting up a facade to hide how upset he actually was. His eyes wavered as he stared at the scarf, now reduced to a mess of yarn and his lips tugged into a weary smile.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to close the door on you it was an accident." You blurted out.

Seokmin didn't answer, but the elevator door dinged open as your phone buzzed with its second alarm of the day. Class was starting.

Your hand slipped into your pocket to turn off the alarm and you looked back at Seokmin, eyes begging for forgiveness. "Look, let's meet up again sometime later so I can make it up to you, okay? I promise that I'll fix this."

And with that, you sprinted away from the scene, leaving the poor boy alone with his destroyed scarf.

=====

"Let me get this straight — the elevator door closed too soon and Seokmin's scarf got caught and tore apart and now you're worried that he hates you 'cause you think the scarf is really important to him?"

You nodded.

Seungkwan sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to return to his notes. "This reads like a fanfic someone wrote at 5 am."

"It what." You blinked and he dismissed the question.

"Nothing, nothing. Did you get his number? Any way to contact him?"

You gave him a sheepish look. "I forgot to ask, I kinda ran away."

"You ran away?"

"It was an accident okay! I was nervous. But we have a lecture with him tomorrow morning, right? I could just talk to him then."

Seungkwan raised an eyebrow. "And you'll be able to muster up the courage by tomorrow? It took you 10 minutes to even tell me what happened, what do you plan to do?"

You bit your lip and stared at the forgotten work on your laptop. "Good question, I have no idea how to make up for it. Scrap talking to him tomorrow."

You both settled into silence as Seungkwan continued on with his notes and you leaned back in your chair. All sorts of ideas ran through your mind, but not of them seemed like the right one.

Then it hit you.

"That's it!" You gasp and sat straight up again, accidentally startling Seungkwan who whined about his smudged diagram. "I'll buy him another scarf, the exact same one."

"That's a good idea." He hummed. "But how will you know which one to buy?"

"I was hoping you'd have his socials? We could do some classic investigating." You suggested.

Seungkwan's eyes lit up at that and he reached over to grab his phone. "If Soonyoung's friends with him, then they're probably following each other so... Ah! There he is. A childish username, as expected."

He gave his phone to you and you scrolled through Seokmin's profile, many were pictures of food or his friends, but you stopped at one photo that caught your eye. It was of him at a park, trying to act casual for a photo (as anyone would), but wrapped around his neck was the famous red scarf.

"Perfect." You muttered to yourself. Now all you had to do was buy that scarf and hope that it comes quickly.

Or else things would become terribly awkward.

=====

Buying that scarf turned out to be much more difficult than you thought it would be.

No matter how deep you searched on the internet or how many times you looked at the photo of his precious scarf, there was no trace of the exact same copy.

"Don't tell me it was handmade." You groaned and got up from your seat to flop onto your bed instead. You stared at the ceiling for a while, long enough for your laptop to fall asleep. 

"Maybe it's a high-end brand?" You speculated quietly to yourself and rolled onto your side to stare at the wall instead.

"No... This guy eats ramen every other day in the caf, there's no way he can afford that."

You rolled onto your back once more and pouted at absolutely no one.

Why did you have to get into this situation with someone you hardly knew?

=====

The next day you went to class at the normal time to avoid having to see Seokmin when he inevitably greets the class. However, when you took your seat and discreetly glanced at his spot, it was empty. Minus Soonyoung's bag that sat there instead.

You chewed on your lip for a while, wondering if his unusual absence had anything to do with yesterday.

"Good morning!"

Your shoulders relaxed at the familiar voice and you almost let yourself send him a smile when you remembered that you were supposed to be avoiding him. You immediately stiffened and stared at your table. Seokmin didn't look your way for the entirety of the lecture, which you were almost grateful for, but it also left a sinking feeling in your stomach.

On the way out, he did end up glancing at you and you immediately turned to Seungkwan to strike up a meaningless conversation.

"Make it seem like we're busy with something, he's looking my way."

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. "I talked to Soonyoung yesterday and he brought up what happened 'cause apparently he thought it was really funny. He said Seokmin wasn't mad but didn't really know what he's supposed to be doing either."

You nodded, pretending like you were listening to him and he continued on.

"Seokmin's a kind soul, you know. I doubt he's ever been angry at anyone before."

"That just makes me feel even worse though," You whined and watched Seokmin leave the room with another classmate by his side. "And I told him that we'd meet up again but I'm not ready at all. What's he gonna think about that?"

"Then you could go up to him and say that you're still sticking to your promise, but you still need time to think about what to do. Maybe he'll tell you what he wants then." Your friend suggested, poking at your work to tell you to start cleaning up.

"I think I'm going to avoid him until I'm fully prepared. So I don't mess this up." You decided, completely ignoring Seungkwan's words and the boy sighed.

"What did I do to have such dense friends?"

=====

The week before exams was spent cramming some last-minute studying with your friends in the community library. 

It's been a while since you last spoke to Seokmin. 

Which translates to "you haven't spoken to Seokmin since the incident."

You ignored those worries and buried yourself in work instead. Using yet another excuse to get out of the very problem you should probably be prioritizing.

Besides, focusing on Minghao and Jun, who were bickering over who left the empty juice carton in the mini-fridge seemed far more interesting. You giggled when Minghao practically brought out photo evidence to defend his point and Jun spluttered out a shocked response after being called out. As their conversation grew louder and louder, you quickly scanned the library, searching for the librarian to make sure you weren't going to be chewed out for being noisy.

You stopped when you spotted Seokmin sitting next to Chan, who ran the dance club you've always admired. His nose was buried in a book. It was only for a brief moment — perhaps a second or two — but you stared at him from afar, taking in his sharp features and gentle smile.

When he felt your gaze on him and locked eyes with you, you immediately looked away, trying to not let him know that you saw him.

"I gotta go." You muttered and packed up your stuff, leaving behind a bewildered Minghao and even more bewildered Jun (who was still trying to recover from the previous attack).

All those days preparing yourself crumbled right in front of you. This wasn't supposed to be happening, this wasn't moving according to the plan you promised you'd stick to.

He wasn't supposed to beat you to it.

"Y/n!"

You carried on, pretending to have not heard him and prayed that he would just give up. He was Lee Seokmin though, so of course, he didn't stop.

"Y/N!" He shouted a little louder this time and you could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer, just like on that fateful day at the elevator. You took a deep breath and braced yourself for the confrontation.

"Hey, Seokmin."

To your surprise, he gave you a big smile. "Hey! 'Was worried I wouldn't be able to catch you just now. You were walking so quickly, where are you headed?"

"Oh..." Away from you. You thought to yourself, but said something else, trying to play it cool. "Nowhere in particular, just on a walk. Needed some fresh air after spending so much time in the library. It’s always stuffy when everyone’s cramming for exams." You rambled on.

"Can I join you?"

"Sure." You lied with a small smile.

You walked in silence for a while, with you leading the way, cheeks heating up with every second that passed.

"You've been avoiding me haven't you?" He finally spoke up.

The tips of your ears burned. "I wasn't trying to."

"If it's about what happened in the elevator, you don't have to worry about it." He prompted lightly and you stopped walking.

"Well, I am worrying about it." You admitted. "Because not only was that your first impression of me, but I know that scarf meant a lot to you and it was such a stupid way for it to get destroyed."

You took a deep breath and continued before he could think of an answer. "I'm trying to buy you another scarf, but I've been having some trouble finding it anywhere..." You admitted.

"Ah," Seokmin chuckled. "My grandmother made that scarf so I doubt you'd be able to find it online."

"It was from your grandmother?" You rubbed your face, thinking about all the hours spent examining the photo and struggling to find the perfect match. "I'm so sorry, that's even worse than it just being your favourite."

He shrugged. "Nah, it's fine, I got over it after that day."

You couldn't hide the look of surprise when he said that.

"To be honest, she's been trying to get me to ditch that scarf because I wore it too much. It's a good excuse to get a new one now!" He finished happily and you suddenly felt less tense.

"Your grandmother makes nice scarves, though. I never knew that there was a little design on it until, well, until it ripped. But it was beautiful! Please give her my compliments."

Seokmin let out a shy laugh. "Ah, you're talking about the little bunnies and sunflowers stitched onto it, right? I've always worn the scarf inside out because I don't know what people will think when they see it."

"What?!" You blurted out, incredulous. "They're really cute! If anyone were to hate on the cute bunnies then they're going to have a word with me." You joked, pretending to get into a fighting stance. "I would definitely wear that scarf proudly, but what makes you comfortable, of course."

"Interesting. Hearing that does make me a little for confident." He hummed. The conversation stilled for a brief second before he spoke up again. "What are your plans for the break?"

You blinked at the sudden change of topic. "Uhm, nothing much, probably just heading back to spend time with family."

"Cool! My plans are the same. How about you meet me..." He walked over to a nearby bench and planted his feet firmly on the ground. "Exactly here on the day, we get back. Does that sound okay?"

"Why?" You asked, but he was already backing away. You stepped forward, insisting on an answer but he refused to give you one and you could only nod your head in agreement.

"I'll see you then... I guess..." You called out weakly, speaking to practically no one because the boy was already on his way elsewhere.

And just like that, your conversation with Lee Seokmin ended.

====

 Winter break soon arrived and left as quickly as it came.

You arrived exactly 5 minutes before the meeting time and Seokmin arrived exactly 5 minutes after the meeting time.

"Y/n!"

You waved when you heard the familiar voice and the two of you shared a warm smile despite the cold weather.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," He continued. "How have you been!"

"I've been alright, how about you?"

He replied with his own "same old, same old" and you sent him a curious look when the small talk died down. "So why did you ask to meet up today?"

"Yes! About that." His hand drifted towards his neck and he didn't even have to speak for you to piece two and two together.

Wrapped around his neck was a new scarf, the same style as the old one, but this time, it was a soft shade of pink. Embroidered along the front was a small line of bunnies and flowers, perfect for the spring that was soon to come.

You brightened at the sight and let out a small gasp. "You got a new one! Nice!"

"Yep! And," Seokmin placed something warm in your hands and you realized he's been carrying it with him this entire time. "This is for you."

You stared at the scarf in your hands. It was a lovely shade of blue. "Wh— why do I get a scarf too?"

He laughed and fidgeted with his sleeves. "You spoke so fondly of my old one, I thought you'd appreciate having one for yourself so I asked my grandmother to make an extra one."

"That makes me feel even worse!" You cried out, guilty for not only ruining his old scarf but also inadvertently making him do more work to gift you something you didn't think you deserved.

"No, please don't feel bad!" He immediately replied, eyes wide to get his message across. "She was happy to make another and honestly, I just wanted to clear things up so that we don't start off on the wrong foot, you know?"

"Thank you." You pouted, still feeling a little bad, but you wrapped the scarf around your neck nevertheless. Seokmin smiled as he watched you and you grabbed the end of the scarf to admire the handiwork.

"They have the same pattern. We're matching with each other now." You quietly noted and suddenly the atmosphere between you two grew warmer.

"I guess we are! This makes us scarf buddies now, I guess." Seokmin smiled sheepishly. "We are bound by an unfortunate incident, but I hope to turn it into something positive. We can be friends, right?"

"I should be the one asking you that, idiot." You replied with a grin. The grip you had on the scarf got a little bit tighter. "Of course we can be friends, I would love to be your friend."

The smile on his face reminded you of when you first saw him.

Suddenly, your phone went off in your pocket, signalling that it was a good time to start heading to class. So much for an easy transition back into the school year.

"I should probably get going now," You started at the same time Seokmin spoke up.

"I promised I would meet up with—"

You both paused mid-sentence before bursting out in laughter at the coincidence.

"We have a lecture together tomorrow, right?" He asked excitedly and you nodded. "We can continue our conversation later then."

You laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow, scarf buddy."

=====

The next day went by accordingly, starting with a familiar “HELLO!~” from the boy who loved to eat bagels at 8 in the morning and wear scarves in any kind of weather.

The only difference is that this time, he took the seat to your right instead of one at the opposite end of the hall. He greeted you with a smile and you happily started up a lively conversation before class started. Decorating both your outfits were your matching scarves, flowers and rabbits on the outside for the world to see.

This way, everyone could know that you guys were scarf buddies.

[davidpastrsnack]

three times brady stayed quiet, one time he didn’t - brady tkachuk

a/n: i have such a soft spot for brady and this is the result. some really soft friends to lovers, but i also left the possibility for a smuttier part 2 if you guys are interested. i hope you enjoy (especially my fellow brady girls) and please let me know what you think!

word count: 5618

one 

After just barely getting through your final assignments of the last grueling week of school, it was finally time for the best part of the year: summer with the Tkachuks. Your dad grew up with Keith outside of Boston, the two maintaining a close relationship despite the distance that kept them apart for so long. For as long as you could remember, you and your siblings had spent the majority of the summer months with them, either on the lakes of Missouri or the oceans of Cape Cod. 

The busy hum of voices and speakers was all you heard, your tired body dragging through the airport, iced coffee in hand hoping it would give you even just another ounce of energy. You finally reached your gate, sitting down on the cool leather seat to wait for your boarding call. 

Your siblings were already in St. Louis, having finished school before you, and you were the last one to arrive before the commencing weekend of the summer. You knew you were in for a wild ride if the Snapchat stories of your older brother and Matthew getting up to no good were any indication.  

Just as you adjusted your headphones and felt your eyelids flutter shut, your phone buzzed, pulling you from your daze. 

Brady: I got held up here for another day, but should be there tomorrow

Brady: Don’t miss me too much 

You rolled your eyes at the screen, laughing as you saw his words and your brain automatically translated them into his voice. You considered all of the Tkachuks to be like family,  but Brady was different, he always had been. Since day one he was constantly looking out for you, even more so than Matthew and your brother. He always had an eye on you, that eye becoming more and more threatening to everyone else as he grew into his now 6’4”, 200lbs frame. 

Don’t worry, I’ll have Matthew to keep me company :)

You smiled as you typed out your response, throwing back exactly what he had dished out. You couldn’t deny that your relationship had become more flirtatious over the recent years, but you always assumed it was just the teasing nature of the Tkachuk household. If he was going to chirp you, you were going to chirp right back. But the banter had always flowed seamlessly, both of you knowing the other so well. You weren’t always clear on the motivation behind some of his comments, but it didn’t hurt to have a little fun with him. 

You finally boarded the plane, your flight not taking long before you were stepping out in the thick Missouri air. To say you were exhausted was an understatement, your eyes barely staying open as you searched for the black Audi you knew would be arriving any minutes. Just a few moments later you saw the luxury sedan turn the corner, a brown mop of curls sitting behind the wheel. 

“There she is,” Matthew yelled, pulling you in for a hug after stepping out of the front seat. 

“Hi Matthew,” you hummed, “Thanks for getting me.”

“Of course, Y/N, anything for my future sister-in-law,” he teased, that cocky smirk on full display while he grabbed your suitcase. 

You didn’t even acknowledge his comment, moving right along to get in the car and ask him how his season was. You were far from a stranger to his jokes, but you were not in the mood today and he seemed to pick up on it. So he gave it up for the ride, instead catching up on how you were doing otherwise since he had last seen you. All jokes aside, Matthew truly cared for you like family, especially considering he was dead serious about you eventually being his sister-in-law. 

After stopping for food on the way, you finally arrived at the house, Matthew pulling into the lit driveway as you took off your seatbelt. Chantal was waiting by the front door, immediately giving you a tight hug when you walked in. She was basically your second mother, always taking care of you as if you were one of her own. 

“Y/N! How are you, sweetie?” she exclaimed, urging you to follow her into the kitchen. 

“I’m good,” you responded while sitting down at the counter next to Matthew. 

“She’s exhausted mom,” Matthew deadpanned before you could continue. 

You rolled your eyes at his words, a smile growing on your lips as you quickly fell back into the comfort of this home. 

“I’m okay, really,” you assured Chantal. 

“Oh honey, come on,” she grabbed your backpack and gestured for you to follow her upstairs. “All of the guestrooms are full right now with Matthew’s friends but they’re leaving tonight. Just go ahead into Brady’s room, I’m sure he told you he’s still in Ottawa until tomorrow.”

You nodded, “Yeah, he did.”

She led you down the hall, as if you didn’t know exactly where you were going, and opened the door to his room. The same hockey memorabilia was scattered across the walls and the closet was slightly open, the clothes he left here during the season poking out. 

“Just relax in here, sweetie. The sheets are clean and there are towels in the bathroom. I’ll check in with you in a little bit, okay?”

“Thank you so much,” you smiled, pulling her in for another hug before she headed back downstairs.  

No matter how much time you had spent in this room, something about being in there without Brady felt wrong. But the exhaustion of the travel day and the past week didn’t let you think about it too much, instead telling you to go take a shower and change into fresh clothes. You didn’t mean for it to happen, but the second you laid across the bed you were down for the count. 

-----

When Brady opened his door after arriving home the next morning, his jaw nearly hit the floor. Chantal told him that you were in there, but there was no preparing himself for the sight in front of him. You were still fast asleep, but the covers were mostly thrown off your body. He smiled to himself as he remembered that you always get too hot while you sleep. The oversized t-shirt you were wearing was bunched at your waist, your tiny sleep shorts riding up your hips giving him the perfect view of your ass. Your head was nuzzled into his pillow, your hands resting in front of you as if you should be holding someone and your lips pouted as you slept. He had seen you asleep countless times before, but something about you being in his bed waiting for him like this was taking his breath away today. He thought about what it would be like if things were different. He could slide under the covers behind you, slip his rough hands around the soft skin of your waist, kiss your collarbone and neck as you giggled in his grasp, moving one of his hands lower and lower until-

“Fuck,” he mumbled, losing grip of his phone as he was distracted by his awe of you, the metal slipping out of his hand and falling against the hardwood floor. He scrambled to grab it without dropping his bags or waking you up. But it was too late, your sleeping frame stirred at the sudden noise, lifting your head to see what it was. 

“Brady?” you questioned, your voice laced with sleep and your eyes squinting as they adjusted to the morning light pouring through the windows. 

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry I just- mom told me you were in here,” he spoke, afraid it looked like he had just been staring at you, which of course he had been. 

“Don’t be sorry Brades, it’s your room,” you laughed as you sat up, adjusting your shirt when you realized how exposed you were. 

He laughed too, trying to shake off whatever awkwardness had infected him this morning and not let his eyes trail down your frame. 

“Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come give me a hug?” you grinned. 

Brady shook his head smiling as he made his way towards you, sitting on the edge of the mattress and pulling you in. His body relaxed as you wrapped yourself around him, your touch and scent overwhelming his senses. 

You could feel the tension leaving his shoulders as your hands traced the curls at the base of his neck, “You okay?” you whispered. 

He pulled back at your words, piercing blue eyes meeting yours. “I’m fine,” he paused, wondering if he should come clean about everything right now. But he decided it wasn’t worth freaking you out on day one of the summer, “I just missed you, that’s all.”

A soft smile crept on your lips, hearing him say that he missed you as much as you missed him warming your heart. 

“Come on, I’m hungry,” you said as you grabbed his hand, a playful scoff leaving his mouth as he trailed behind you towards the stairs, the energy between the two of you starting to return to normal. 

two

After everyone had finally arrived and settled in, it was time for the first house party of the season. The mere thought of this moment had given you the motivation to finish your exams, so it went without saying that you could not be more excited. Keith and Chantal were out of town for the weekend, putting Matthew in charge of making sure everyone stayed safe. You were finishing getting ready in one of the guest rooms, which you had almost moved into for the summer after the one night in Brady’s. You went for a simple outfit, a white top with jeans and sneakers before heading downstairs to join the growing crowd. 

You were surrounded by faces as soon as you made your way down, some familiar and some not. Your eyes scanned the room for your friends, knowing your close friend Emily had already arrived. You finally found her standing in one of the corners and you turned to go meet them. 

“Long time no see,” you beamed when you arrived at their circle, the girls jumping to hug you as they saw you for the first time since last August. It was great to catch up with everyone, but you quickly realized that you forgot to get a drink. 

“Em, I’m gonna go grab a drink,” you spoke to which she nodded. 

“I’ll come with,” she urged, reaching for your hand as you both walked towards the kitchen. 

“So you look hot tonight,” she grinned, speaking in your ear so you could hear over the music. “I bet he finally makes his move later.”

“Who?” you challenged, but she didn’t need to say another word for you to know who she was talking about. 

“Y/N, please just save it,” Emily rolled her eyes, “Look, he’s already drooling over you,” she gestured towards where Brady was sitting around a table with Matthew and some of their old friends from hockey. She was right, he was looking right at you, waving when you made eye contact. You gave a small wave back before quickly turning your body away from him to face Emily. 

“He always watches me at parties,” you reasoned. 

“Yeah, because he’s in love with you,” she scoffed, pouring two drinks into red solo cups. 

“Because he’s a good guy, Emily,” you rebutted before taking a far too large sip of whatever she made. 

Meanwhile, across the room, Brady was facing the same kind of comments from his friends. As soon as he saw you cross the room with Emily he couldn’t peel his eyes away. You were practically glowing, your smile wide as the stress from the school year finally seemed to disappear from your mind. 

“Really Tkachuk?” he heard from next to him, his head snapping away from you to look at the voice. 

“What?” he questioned, his challenge laced with attitude. 

“Y/N? Still?” his friend Jack responded. 

Brady just shook his head in annoyance. He didn’t have the energy for this conversation tonight. 

“As long as the sky is blue, Brady will be falling at the feet of Y/N,” Matthew chimed in, a smirk gracing his lips as he hid behind his solo cup. 

Brady maintained his silence, hoping they would get bored and move on, but not so fast. 

“So you aren’t hitting it?”

He thought he was mad before, but nothing compared to the pure anger Brady felt at this comment. It was Nick, a kid he had never liked through all the years they played together in St. Louis. He was fuming, Matthew swore he could see smoke coming out of his ears as he waited for his brother's response, getting ready to step in if necessary. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Nick?” Brady started, turning his body towards him and sitting up straight. “Am I hitting it? You’re talking about my childhood best friend, show some fucking respect.”

Nick looked stunned, his eyes wide as Brady glared at him. “Dude, I-,”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, moving to stand up so he towered over him. “You wanna know why no girl will ever come within ten feet of you? It’s because of shit like this, Nick. You’re a complete asshole and you don’t deserve a thing from any woman,” he scolded. 

By this point, Brady had drawn the attention of many, nearly all of the guests staring at the commotion, including you. 

Your face dropped as you saw him yelling, concern written all over your face as your brows furrowed in his direction. He finally seemed to calm down, his eyes looking defeated as they locked with yours. With one more look at Nick, he shook his head in disgust before walking towards the back of the house, the door slamming shut behind him. 

The room was nearly silent, everyone looking at each other to see if they knew what just happened. 

“Everything’s fine guys,” Matthew urged, the party resuming at his words. Your eyes met his and before you could even make it over to ask what that was he was gesturing towards the door for you to follow Brady. 

You nodded, discarding your drink on the counter and rushing to him. You slowly opened the backdoor, searching for his blond curls. You quickly found him alone on the patio, sitting on the outdoor couch with his head thrown back against the cushion, and his eyes closed. 

“Brady?” you whispered.

His eyes shot open at your voice, “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. Even though he knew it was impossible, part of him was hoping you didn’t see that. 

You didn’t say anything but rather moved towards him, stepping over his legs so you could sit next to him. He stayed silent, just swinging his arm around your shoulders and tugging you into his frame. You sighed as your head rested against his chest, waiting for him to talk when he was ready. 

After almost ten minutes, Brady finally spoke, “Nick is an asshole,” he muttered. 

You couldn’t help but let out a small giggle at his words, lifting your head to look at him, but he was still staring straight ahead. He didn’t know if he could keep it together if his eyes met yours. 

“Brady,” you muttered, “What happened?”

“He just said something I didn’t like.”

“Come on, Brades,” you pleaded, hoping he would finally give in and tell you what happened. 

But instead, he shook his head, “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” he snapped, instantly regretting his reaction when he felt your body flinch at his tone. He sighed, letting out a breath it felt like he had been holding for hours, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just-”

“It’s okay,” you whispered. You had no idea what was going on with him, but regardless, it was clear that he needed you. You laid your head back down on his shoulder, smiling to yourself as you felt him press a kiss to the top of your hair. 

three 

It had felt like forever since you had been on a proper date, the college lifestyle not always being conducive to it. But now here you were, getting ready to go out to dinner with the guy next door, Tommy. The two of you had been friendly for years, getting to know him more and more with each summer you spent with the Tkachuks. You definitely were surprised when he asked you out, but you didn’t see the harm in taking him up on his offer. 

And to be completely honest, part of you was getting frustrated at your situation with Brady. It was a cycle that started over each summer. You entered June denying that there was even a hint of anything more than friendship, but by July you were sucked right back under his spell, until August came and you were ripped apart from each other yet again. Clearly nothing was different about this year, so it was time you tried to move on and enjoy your summer in, well, other ways. 

You slipped into a dress, casual but still cute, and tied your white sneakers. You walked over to your window to see both Matthew and Brady’s cars sitting in the driveway. Great, you thought. This would be much more painless if they weren’t home, but of course, the world was not on your side. You did one last hair and makeup check before grabbing your bag and heading down the stairs, feigning total confidence as you grew closer to the boys. 

They were laying across the couch playing video games, both of their eyes darting straight to you as you tried to sneak out the front door. 

“It’s rude not to say goodbye,” you heard Matthew yell from behind you. 

“Fuck,” you silently mouthed, turning to move into the living room where they sat. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see you guys there!” you lied through your teeth. 

Matthew’s face scrunched up at your excuse, knowing there was no possible way you didn’t see them. 

“Where are you going?” Brady asked, his voice much softer than his brothers, almost like he knew what he was about to hear. 

“Um, I’m going to dinner with Tommy,” you said, trailing off at the end as the awkwardness set in the room. 

No matter how much you tried to deny it, you saw the way Brady’s face fell at your words. The guilt suddenly hit you like a truck, but then again it wasn’t like he was doing anything to change the status of your relationship. 

“Tommy?” Matthew questioned, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Yeah,” you stalled, “I don’t know, he asked me and I said yes.”

“Interesting,” he muttered, looking at his younger brother who was pretending to be enthralled in the game. 

“Alright well, I’ll see you guys later,” you said, standing as you waited for Brady’s response, but it never came. 

Matthew sensed the obvious tension, doing whatever he could to break it, “Have fun Y/N, but not too much,” he teased. 

You rolled your eyes, finally moving to open the door, not at all minding that it slammed behind you. 

As soon as you were out the door, Matthew pulled the controller out of Brady’s hand. He couldn’t watch this anymore. 

“What the fuck, Matt?” he shouted, his emotions high after watching you leave. 

“No, I should be asking you that,” he threw back. “What the fuck are you two doing?”

Brady sighed, running his hands over his face before holding his heavy head in his palms. He didn’t know what he was doing. For so many years he was terrified of telling you how he felt. If you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, he didn’t know if your friendship could ever recover and he was not taking that risk. But this year it was all too much, you were perfect for each other and everyone around you knew it too. How could he blame you for trying to find someone else when he couldn’t even muster up the courage to tell you the truth?

“I don’t know, Matt,” he started, his words muffled by his hands, tears prickling the back of his eyes. 

Despite teasing him about you for so long, Matthew’s heart broke as he saw his brother in so much distress over this. 

“Just tell her. I promise you it will work out,” he encouraged, placing a comforting hand on Brady’s shoulder. “Anyone with eyes can tell that you two are made for each other. It’s gross, actually.”

Brady let out a laugh at Matthew’s chirp, finally picking his head up, “But now I have Tommy to worry about.”

Matthew scoffed, laughing as he spoke, “Yeah, because Y/N really seems like the type to throw away her entire relationship with you over one date with Tommy, of all people.”

-----

Your night was going well, but you just couldn’t shake the look on Brady’s face from your mind; he was hurt. 

Tommy was sweet, making you laugh throughout dinner, but you knew you had no intention of seeing him, like this, again. After leaving the restaurant, he suggested you got ice cream and walked around the city, to which you agreed. You felt bad for leading him on, but part of you was dreading arriving back to the house. You were sitting on a bench taking in the view of the city and talking about plans for the year when you felt him shift his body closer to yours. His intentions were clear, and your heart dropped at the realization that you were going to have to let him down much earlier than anticipated. 

Just as you were trying to find the right words to tell him, he placed his hand high on your thigh and he leaned in to kiss you. You immediately flinched, pulling your face far away from his.

“Tommy, I- I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

A dark chuckle came out of his mouth and you could feel the energy change, the air growing thick with tension. 

“Seriously?”

His much larger frame than yours suddenly became quite intimidating as he leaned over you, clearly not taking the rejection well. 

“I’m sorry,” you continued, “I just don’t think this is going to happen.”

“Unbelievable,” he shook his head at you, your body pushing back into the bench in an attempt to get as far away from him as possible. “This is about Tkachuk, isn’t it? I should have known you would only be interested in the fame and money,” he mumbled with another laugh. 

His words slapped you across the face, your eyes burning as you felt the tears try to push their way out. In all the years you had known him, you never had the slightest idea that Tommy had such a cruel side to him. 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you rebutted, “Get away from me, Tommy.”

“No problem, darling,” he smiled, standing up and walking away, leaving you stranded on the street downtown. 

Your head fell into your hands, the cold evening breeze riding under your dress. Your mind instantly started listing all the reasons why this was your fault, but deep down you knew it wasn’t. After sitting there in defeat for a few moments, you finally pulled out your phone, dialing the only number that ever mattered. 

It seemed like hours later when you finally saw the black SUV pull up on the street in front of you. Before you could even stand up, Brady was running out of the car towards you. Your emotions got the best of you once he was by your side, your body collapsing into his as the tears fell. 

“What the hell did he do?” he questioned while rocking you back and forth in his arms. 

You couldn’t find the words to answer. 

“Y/N, you’re freezing,” he spoke as he felt your cool skin against his, “Come on,” he urged, grasping your hand to guide you to the car. 

Once you were inside the warm car, he reached into the back seat to find a sweatshirt, handing you the soft material. 

“Thank you,” you whisper, scared your voice would betray you as you slipped the fabric over your head, the scent of his cologne comforting you right away. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Brady hissed, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. 

“No, you’re not Brady,” you warned, “I had a good night until I didn’t. We just had different ideas of how it was going to end,” you scoffed, a sarcastic laugh slipping through your lips. 

Brady shook his head, pausing to glance over at you while he was stopped at a light. You were resting against the cool glass, his sweatshirt pooling around your hips, the fabric of your dress peeking from beneath it. The light finally turned, your face now illuminated in green and he only had one thought. 

He would never treat you like that. 

plus one

Despite his conversation with Matthew, Brady still had yet to say anything to you. You assured him time after time that you were okay after Tommy, but he didn’t want his confession to seem reactionary. You deserved more than that. 

The plan tonight was for everyone to go out to one of the hotspots in town, but you weren’t feeling it. Everything that happened the night before had you even more consumed with your thoughts about Brady, and you needed a night of just nothing. The voices from downstairs carried while the boys were getting ready to leave, their laughter making you smile as you walked into the kitchen. They were so wound up all year long and it was refreshing to see them truly relaxing. 

You drew their attention right away as you entered the room, their brows furrowed in confusion as they took in the sweats you were wearing. 

“Y/N!” one of them howled, “We’re going soon, hurry up!”

You laughed as you turned to face him, the voice belonging to Jack. 

“I’m not going Jack,” you explained, opening the fridge to look for something to satisfy your late-night craving. 

“But you have to come, you’re so fun,” he whined. 

“I promise I won’t be that fun tonight. Just go enjoy yourselves, I’ll be here waiting to make sure you all get back in the house alive,” you jested. 

“I’ll stay,” you heard from behind you. You didn’t even have to look to know who it was. 

You finally rotated your body, meeting his gaze right away. He looked good. His black jeans hugged his thighs perfect, the matching black t-shirt fitting around his biceps like a glove. He towered over your, those bright blue eyes piercing into yours. He was close enough for you to take in his cologne, the scent immediately clouding your senses. 

“I’m fine, Brady,” you reasoned, shaking yourself out of your daze, “Seriously, go.”

He didn’t speak right away, instead he gave you a knowing look. You gave him the same look right back, challenging him to go against you. 

“Matt,” he called, not breaking eye contact, “I’m gonna stay.”

You rolled your eyes at his stubbornness but you were just thankful that you had a reason to look away, praying that the heat you were feeling hadn’t made its way onto your cheeks. 

“Alright,” Matthew responded, not even bothering to question the two of you at this point. 

The boys flooded the front door, all yelling goodbye before they piled into the Ubers waiting outside. A heavy silence fell over the house, your body leaning against the kitchen counter as you waited for Brady to say something. 

“I’m just gonna change,” he spoke, gesturing to the staircase. “Put a movie on, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Just a few minutes later he returned, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. You were laying across the couch, the movie already playing as he sat down next to you. 

“Cold?” he asked, already knowing that you were by the way you wrapped your arms around your middle. 

“A little,” you mumbled, smiling as he covered the two of you in a blanket, squeezing your frame as he pulled it closer to his own. 

You stayed like that for a while, your body resting nearly completely on top of his, your leg swung over his lap and your head nuzzled into his chest. Any tension that was there before seemed to have disappeared, both of you returning to your normal states. 

But just seconds later, the screen flashed to a bedroom, the two main characters in the middle of what could be referred to only as a passionate, graphic sex scene. You immediately felt Brady tense beneath you, your cheeks flushing bright red at his response. It took everything within you not to react in any other way, but it felt like your entire body was on fire, begging to be touched. The sounds of the woman’s moans echoed off the walls, her face contorting in pleasure as the man continued. There was no denying that the image triggered a throbbing pressure between your legs, your brain fighting your body’s instinct to grind against his thigh. 

Brady’s stomach dropped when he processed what was happening, the woman undressing on the screen making his mind wander to doing the same thing with you. He wanted to touch you like that, he wanted to make you scream his name like that, make you fall apart like that because no one knew you as well as he did. But his imagination was far too vivid, and he internally cursed himself as he felt his pants become tighter and tighter. 

This has to be the longest sex scene in the history of all film, you thought to yourself as it continued, seemingly never-ending. Your hand was growing sore from its position under your head, so you gently shifted your body in hopes of getting more comfortable, but what you got was something else entirely. 

Your breath hitched when you felt it, unable to disguise your reaction. You were situated over his lap, your lower thigh brushing against his crotch and you could feel just how hard he had become beneath you. You froze, not knowing what to do or say, if anything at all. 

“Y/N,” he whispered, preparing to apologize, afraid he had made you so uncomfortable that he couldn’t recover. 

You knew he was beyond embarrassed, but something inside you had been ignited and you couldn’t ignore it any longer. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you swung your hips over his, moving to straddle him while you grabbed his face, pulling it to yours. He tensed again in pure shock, but it didn’t take long for him to relax against you, his hands circling your waist as he pushed you back down into his lap. Your lips moved together in perfect synchrony, a small whimper slipping out from your mouth as he bit your bottom lip between his teeth. He groaned into you at the sound, his hands sliding lower so he could grind you into his length, in desperate need of hearing you more. You had one hand tugging at the nape of his neck, the blond curls feeling like silk between your fingers, while the other slipped underneath his shirt, running your cool fingertips across his flexing abs. 

You were both so lost in the moment, ready to rip each other's clothes off at any second when Brady finally pulled back. 

“Wait,” he gasped, running his large hands across your thighs as he gathered his thoughts. 

Your breathing was labored, trying to catch your breath as you took in the sight below you. His lips were pink and swollen, his cheeks had a bright red tinge, and his blues eyes were staring at you in awe. 

“What?” you questioned, insecurity suddenly flooding your mind, your body separating from his as you leaned away. 

“No no no,” he cooed, urging you to come back close to him. You obliged, your eyes scanning his face in hopes of deciphering what he was thinking. 

“I just- if we’re going to do this,” he gestured between your bodies, “We have to do... this,” he whispered as he looked up at you, what he meant perfectly clear to you. “I want you, but I want all of you.” 

You smiled at his words, the anxiety washing off his face as he saw your reaction. 

“Brady, I have wanted this for longer than I can even remember,” you beamed, your hands cupping his cheeks, thumbing running over the soft skin. “I want all of you, too.”

“Yeah?” he grinned.

“Yeah,” you laughed. 

He pulled you back down to meet his lips, your teeth clashing as you both smiled into the kiss. 

“Well then,” he smirked, “If you don’t mind, I’m taking you upstairs.”

He wrapped his palms around your thighs, holding you as he stood up. You shrieked at the sudden movement, laughing as your legs circled his waist. He held you impossibly close to his body, terrified to let you go now that he had you.

“Please, Brady,” you whined against his skin, “Take me upstairs.” 

“Fuck,” he breathed out. 

That was all he needed to hear to rush up to his room, more than ready to show you exactly how much he had loved you since day one. 

part two here

[crab-in-a-pocket]

Greetings fellow wizard fucker👋 I am very glad to find someone else who appreciates mr. Magic man! I would also like to request some headcanons of wizard and a shy farmer, please! Cause I would much rather hang out in a tower doing spells rather than overwhelm myself trying to befriend an entire town. Thank you!

aw shit this is so cute. not as general as the wizard and the (shy) farmer chilling but more specific as to how they got into a relationship mwah. lowkey based on the romanceable rasmodius mod and always @iniro's wizard portrait mod. quite long so you can check it out under the cut!

the first time you met him, there was a sort of relaxing feeling to his place. sure, cold stone walls and all that wizard jazz, but he wasn't pushy or too nice or judgemental. he was just... there

you liked that feeling. he didn't expect anything from you and you didn't expect anything from him. and he was rather good at ending conversations without making you feel awkward.

making friends with the townsfolk is cool but it's weird making friends with them just one at a time— you couldn't handle that. you had to choose.

the first time you visit the wizard for no reason in particular is a rainy, rainy day. lightning lights up the dark clouds and the thunderclaps are so loud it threatens to tear the sky apart.

you wanted to show the wizard some things you had found in the mines. a tiny, warm orb of swirling golden light, and a tiny, icy ball of pitch black ink. and you made sure to leave before it rained but by the time you stood at his doorstep, you were already soaked to the bone.

you hesitate a little— it was always like this at the start— and then knock firmly. once, then twice.

he is shocked to see you standing there, dripling wet at his doorstep. but he ushers you in after a slightly suspicious squint, and when he offers you tea and you hold the little orbs out to him as if sharing marbles, he is so, so, surprised.

he shows you what the orbs do, teaches you little snippets of magic, and then it carries on like so. it becomes a routine, a steady habit you didn't wan't to break.

he eventually tells you to call him by his name. magnus, you say, letting it roll off your tongue, practicing it. magnus, magnus, magnus. i like your name.

his amused smile helps you say with more certainty.

you didn't really want to go to the flower dance. you had no one to dance with and you had chores to do. but attending community gatherings is the first step to forging friendships, isn't it?

your hellos are weak and half-hearted. you finally crack— you don't want to be here ans you're desperately looking for a way out without getting spotted (bridge? pierre. river? willy, pam, leah, and elliott.)

eyeing a crack through the fences, you duck and slip past it, pushung past thick brambles and sidling past trees ubtil you reach what appears to be a steep sort of natural staircase. you climb it and, much to your surprise, you see a familiar face.

you aren't supposed to be up here, the wizard tells you. neither are you, you reply.

did you ask anyone to dance?

laughing, you say, no, i don't think any of them would like to dance with me.

funnily enough, he smiles back (though with a different sort of emotion, you couldn't quite tell which) and says, you could be wrong. you could be a very good dance partner for all you know.

oh, then, would you like to dance with me? you rib, grinning at him now.

the expression on his face shifts and it becomes unreadable. you're hardly surprised when he says, i wouldn't know the steps.

it is his polite way of rejecting you. you're quite sure of that. smiling, you tell him, well, i wouldn't know them either.

sometimes, you just watch him while he works on enchantments and spells. it's nice, watching him work on his craft while you read about firemaking, something you've been working on for a while. you've made a few crops bloom early and even grew a fruit out of season, but you've never tried making fire, something made of raw emotion and passion and magic.

you need to let the energy burst from you, magnus says. then, you need to pull it back in just so. he sounds like a broken radio at this point, always repeating it.

like a lighter? you ask, as if you haven't asked it a thousand times before.

yes, just like that.

you try every emotion. you try when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, when you're not feeling a single thing at all, and when you can feel every damned feeling in the world. it doesn't work.

my hand is broken, you grumble, clutching your cup of tea so fiercely your knuckles are white. or it could be my feelings. probably my feelings.

don't be silly. your hand can't possibly be broken, magnus scoffs, taking the seat across you and picking up his own cup of tea.

incredulously, you ask, you think my feelings are broken? seriously?

magnus shrugs. yes, maybe, i don't know. put down your tea cup and give me your hand.

you oblige and lean across the table, outstretching your arm. he takes your hand in his (you've always admired his hands, rather large and long-fingered but still elegant. you imagined them to be soft... you didn't think you'd be right.) and you're taken aback at the sudden flare of emotion rushing through you. not one you've never known, but one you didn't quite expect.

he flips your hand over and his thumb presses into your palm. he is so, so, so focused on your hand (is that dirt under your nails?) that he fails to see you struggling not to blush

he tells you to flatten your hand, as flat as it can go, then he says something surprising.

how about you try and think of someone you hate? think of burning their face into ash. his face colors a little but his smile is razor sharp. that's how i first did it.

you laugh at that, startled, then you realize he's being serious. you try, trying to see your ex's face hovering over your palm being burnt to a crisp. you try and try and try until you're blue in the face.

it's not working, you tell him angrily.

a pensive look falls across his face. magnus has a tendency to stick out his lower lip as if he was pouting when he thinks. you feel your anger ebbing away at the silly face he's making. your heart pounds harder than ever and you can hardly look at him, your cheeks flushing.

he is still holding onto your hand when a fire bursts into life, white hot. it cools to a pale shade of blue, flickering like a kitchen flame. it is as hot as the summer sun on your shoulders, so hot it could burn.

magnus yelps. so do you, and the fire dies. your hand is unmarred but, clearly, at magnus' hisses of pain, you've singed his fingers.

i'm sorry, i didn't mean to! you cry out, a worried look on your face. to your utter shock, he smiles.

what did you think of? he asks, a pleased smile on his lips. your flame was as blue as spirit fire.

i- i- i didn't think of anything, really. i'm not sure, you stutter out, avoiding his eyes. fuck. you're screwed. he's always been good at seeing lies and he didn't like any kind of them.

his frown tells you that he didn't not believe your weak excuse.

you avoid magnus for a while. you break your comforting routine and you thrust yourself into making friends with people in town. it helps just a little, lifting your spirits. one day, in the forest, you see leah asking for your help-- she wants to reach a fruit on a tree. you never looked in the direction of magnus' tower anymore. you hesitate for a moment, then you help leah, your gaze anywhere but on the tower.

try as you might, your gaze is on the tower. how could it not be, when what you are drawn to is its sharp little roof and the large telescope sticking out of it, and the ivy creeping up and down its stone brick walls? how could you not be drawn to it when it was a place you could almost call home?

i shouldn't be prying, leah says all of a sudden once you've let her down and you turn to walk away. but you used to visit the tower's occupant, didn't you? i just always saw you walking back and forth.

you stare at her for a moment, and then two. yes, i did, you finally reply. i'll visit soon. just... not now.

you are far too confused to go back. not yet. did you really like magnus that way? or was it a fluke, just a lonely, touch-starved person reaching for a body to hold on to, friendships be damned? you didn't want to fuck this up. you haven't made a proper fire in a week. you miss the surge of energy, of power, of emotion. you miss him.

pierre has taken to selling bouquets. bright, colorful flowers. they're for a special someone, he says to you when he catches you looking at them curiously. for heartfelt confessions, if i couldn't be any plainer.

you buy one and keep it in your house, in a vase with water to keep it alive. you wonder if it is worth the risk. you can see the tower's roof from the second floor of your house. you settle in with the bouquet at your right hand and a cup of tea in the left.

it has been an entire two weeks since you've last seen him. in fairness, it is nearing the end of fall and most of your heavy rumination has been during your farm chores as you work to keep in pace with your harvest to prepare for the incoming winter season.

you decide to tell him that you like him romantically. and if he doesn't care for you in that way, you will try and salvage your friendship to the best of your abilities. it is a foolhardy plan, as magnus would put it, but it is the best plan you have.

the last autumn rain is slowly falling and you pick up the pace, not wanting to get the bouquet dripping wet. your bag hangs at your side, filled to the brim with glittering balls of light and darkness.

when you finally stand at his dooratep, lightning lights up the dark clouds and the thunderclaps are so loud it threatens to tear the sky apart. you are soaked to the bone, but you have heated up your hand just enough to dry your clothes at a pat and touch.

you hesitate a little— just like at the start— and then knock firmly. once, then twice.

the door swings open and the surprise on magnus' face would have been comedic, if it were not for the circumstances. he stares at you, lamely carrying a bouquet upside down, dripping wet.

can i come in? you ask, surprised at the unwavering tone of your voice. unless you're busy. then i'll go.

magnus nods mutely (you're confused for a second there, and he steps aside to let you in before locking the door behind you. for a moment, you two just stand there silently, drowning in the awkward silence. then, he breaks it just as you do.

let me get some tea for you, you're dripping water on my floor, you might get sick—

i brought something for you, you weren't actually doing—

for a moment, everything is back as it was and you laugh and he chuckles at the predicament. then, you try and stomp off as much water as possible right at his door. you keep drying yourself with your heated hand and you remove your shoes and socks, marveling at the warmth of the floor. magnus disappeared to make tea— you follow after him, careful not to ruin the bouquet.

so, why are you here? he asks, his tone careful, once you seat yourself at his tea table. you've been gone a while. busy with the fall harvest?

yes, i was busy. but i was also avoiding you, you tell him honestly, and you can see him stiffen at that.

why? did i do something?

no, i did. i was confused and scared... i didn't want to lose my only friend, you know. it wasn't right for me to just up and leave for 2 weeks, though, i'm sorry.

he sits across you and hands you your cup of hot, steaming tea. what did you do?

i acted like a fool, you say, taking a sip to warm yourself. you feel your confidence waning. you have never been so straightforward in your life— what on earth is wrong with you? so you see, magnus, this is for you. you jerk your head in the direction of the bouquet on its side, flowers a little limp and raindrops on its many bright petals.

he looks confused. confused but appreciative. er, thank you for the bouquet. it's lovely. and he leaves it at that.

you stare at him, bewildered. then, you start to laugh. you... you don't know what it means, then? you move your tea cup of the saucer and you rip your bag open, fumbling for the balls of solar and void essence.

no, i'm afraid i don't, he replies, starting to sound a little annoyed and exasperated. care to enlighten me?

you put the solar and void essence on the saucer and push it towards him. you smile a little mournfully at the sudden surprise on his face and say, it means i like you, magnus. romantically.

the room falls silent. he looks up at you and you can hear him thinking and you can see the flush on his face as he stammers out a response, but you shake your head, i was thinking we could still be friends if you didn't like me back. but that’s not fair for either of us, is it? you’re right and you know it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel the hot shame prickling under your skin.

you turn to leave. i’m really sorry about this. i’m so sorry i had to ruin it.

no, no, don’t go. i didn’t know what the bouquet meant, really, i didn’t. i’m glad you were honest with me. look, i didn’t say i didn’t like you back that way. don’t go. please? he says all this in a rush and you freeze, trying to comprehend what he just said.

you... like me back? you ask, your voice suddenly meek.

i haven’t ‘liked’ anyone since i was a teenager, magnus says, mirth in his voice. but, yes, it could be just that.

a hand clasps your wrist and you turn around to look at him, his eyes shining with warmth and his cheeks a soft pink. are you still going? he asks, his brows knotting. you know he’s referring to the storm.

no. no, i think i can stay, you tell him, and you take your seat once more. to your utter surprise an amusement, you hear the scrape of his chair and find him sitting next instead of across you this time.

making friends becomes easier during the winter. you don’t have much to do, really, and so you split your time between the mines, fishing, the pub, and the tower.

you didn't really want to go to the flower dance. you had no one to dance with in particular and you had chores to do. but attending community gatherings is important, especially because you’re part of the said community.

you greet everyone cheerfully and they ask you about your farm. you’re grateful that they are too eager for the festivities to begin to make any more conversation aside from small talk. it is time to make your exit, you think

eyeing a crack through the fences, you duck and slip past it, pushing past thick brambles and sidling past trees until you reach what appears to be a steep sort of natural staircase. you climb it and, to your amusement, you see a familiar face.

you aren't supposed to be up here, magnus tells you. neither are you, you say cheerfully.

did you ask anyone to dance? he says, and you can hear the jesting undertone.

laughing, you say, no, i’d much rather dance with one person in particular.

he smiles back (though with a different sort of emotion, you still couldn't quite tell which, but you know it is something warm and sweet) and says, not that i would dance down there, but i think i’d rather dance with a very specific person, too.

oh, then, would you like to dance with me? you rib, grinning at him now.

the expression on his face shifts and he huffs out a laugh. you're hardly surprised when he says, i wouldn't know the steps.

you shrug, then reply, well, i could teach you. what do you say?

he blushes, but smiles in return. later, perhaps. when we are alone.

leaning towards magnus, you press a kiss to his lips, one he gladly returns.

[sluttyten]

Hi!!! Could I ask for the “You can’t leave without letting me hug you first.” and “Wait, don’t pull away… Not yet.” with Doyoung? Please? (this is up to you: but if it could be with a chubby/plus size reader it would mean a lot to me). Thank you so much for your time.

I love your writing 💞💞💞

The relationship you had with Doyoung was a long and complicated one. Your families were friends, and when you were younger your families had often met up for holidays—celebrating the New Year together, birthdays, the lunar new year, even going on summer trips together occasionally—so you were rather close.

As you grew up, it wasn’t that your families grew apart, just that schedules grew busier and your families couldn’t see each other as much. But when you were fifteen you celebrated the New Year together for the last time, and you and Doyoung snuck off together with a bottle of wine no one would miss, and you’d sat together in the park nearby, passing the bottle back and forth and waiting for midnight to strike.

You never learned if it was the wine or just an impulse decision or what caused it, but at the stroke of midnight as the country celebrated the calendar turning over, Doyoung kissed you.

It had taken you totally by surprise, and you’d run away, embarrassed and ecstatic and overwhelmed that Doyoung had kissed you.

But you didn’t see too much of him again after that, not for a few years, by which point he was taller and much more filled out and more handsome. Your mother had told you about Doyoung growing up, how handsome he’d grown. And the way she said it made it sound like he’d grown from being awkward to handsome, and you just wanted to tell her that he’d always been handsome. But then you finally saw him.

And damn. She was right.

Handsome Doyoung of the past was gone and now he was just....

“Wow,” you gasp under your breath when Doyoung walks through the door of his parents home.

For the first time in ages your families are getting together. Your whole family and Doyoung’s parents and brother and himself. It hasn’t been this way in many years.

Doyoung’s gaze lands on you, and immediately you feel your face grow a little warmer. You tug at your clothes, trying to get a little air on your suddenly hot skin, and also just trying to make sure it’s laying right. Before you’d left home, your mother had clucked at you and suggested you change, but you liked your outfit so you kept it on.

But now with Doyoung looking at you while he looks like that, you almost wish you’d changed.

And then his face breaks out in the huge, familiar warm smile of his, and he says your name. Instantly the cool handsomeness of him now melts away and he’s just young, dorky handsome Doyoung again.

You’re all together to celebrate Doyoung’s dad’s birthday, so there’s much talking and celebrating, then dinner and cake and presents and more laughter and toasting, and throughout it all you keep looking over at Doyoung, amazed at how much he’s changed in the last few years, wondering what he thinks about how you’ve changed or if you’ve changed at all in his eyes.

After a bit you excuse yourself to use the bathroom. You’re not gone for long at all, but as you start to return to the table, you see Doyoung’s not seated there with everyone else anymore and your heart sinks, thinking that maybe he’s left. You know he doesn’t live wi to his parents anymore; he lives in an apartment across the city. So you don’t return to the table, instead you wander back down the hallway.

This house once was as familiar to you as your own. When you were much younger, before puberty hit, you spent many nights having sleepovers here with Doyoung. And even now your feet tread the path to Doyoung’s bedroom.

As you stand in the doorway, you realize the room isn’t empty. Doyoung’s sitting on the bed, looking at some photos he has stuck to the wall.

“Doyoung?” Your voice seems so loud in the tranquility of his room.

He looks over at you. “Oh, hey. Look, I forgot I had these up here.” He points at the wall, and you step inside his room, move around to see the wall where he’s pointing. It’s an array of photos from his childhood. Pictures from school, from theatre, of you and him with your arms around each other’s necks.

“When’s this from?” You step closer, touching one photo you don’t remember being taken. The pair of you sitting on a swing set together, his arm looped around one chain of your swing to keep you both held together. You’re laughing with your eyes squeezed shut, and Doyoung’s smiling at the camera in his hand.

“New Years.” Doyoung answers easily. “You were so giggly and cute. I took it when you weren’t paying attention.” He stands up and when he’s beside you, you can suddenly feel the memories rushing back to you, can feel the best of the alcohol in your veins on that cold night, the thrill of sneaking out together and the joy of being with Doyoung. And then the kiss.

“I’d better get back to the table.” You say quickly. “I think my family’s about to leave.”

You make it as far as one step away from him before Doyoung grabs your wrist lightly. “You can’t leave without letting me hug you first. Who knows when we’ll see each other again.”

The photo on the wall draws your gaze again, a frozen memory of the last time you saw each other. You don’t want years to go by again before you see Doyoung again, and you definitely don’t want to go years regretting not having felt his arms around you.

As soon as you nod, Doyoung’s swept you in against his chest, and he wraps his arms tightly around you in the warmest embrace you’ve felt in a long time. You sigh and return the hug, loving the way it feels to be held by him, to have his cologne filling your nose.

You could happily stay there locked in his arms, but you don’t want to make it weird.

“No.” Doyoung groans as you start to drop your arms from him. “Wait, don’t pull away... Not yet.”

Your heart starts beating faster as Doyoung holds you tighter.

“I love how you fit in my arms,” Doyoung murmurs, tucking his face even more against your shoulder, winding his arms just a little tighter, pulling you that much more against him. “God, I’ve missed you. I feel like I really fucked up my chance with you back then. I should’ve made my move earlier, but you were just so pretty.”

You pull away to frown at him. “Me? Doyoung, I was such a chubby kid. What do you mean pretty.”

He frowns right back at you. “I mean pretty. Yeah, chubby. And cute and pretty. It’s not like those things can’t all be the same thing.” He reaches over for the picture; one little tug brings it down off the way, and he holds it beside your face. “Yeah, you’re still the same. Chubby, pretty, and cute.”

You whine and push at his arm. “Doyoung!”

“What? You are! And I like you just the way you are.” Doyoung tries so hard to defend himself. “Don’t you like me just the way I am?”

“First of all it’s been years, Doyoung. I’m not going to judge you just based off of visuals.” You sit down on his bed to look up at him. “And you look a lot different. You’re all—“ You gesture you and down at his tall, fit figure. “Yeah.”

Doyoung sits down heavily beside you, places the photo in your lap, and points his finger at his face in the image. “I’m that same Kim Dongyoung. I don’t look different.”

You snort. “You’re taller and somehow more handsome. We aren’t discussing this. If we compare who’s changed into a better looking version of themself over these years, then it’s clearly—“

“You.” Doyoung answers before you can say anything else. “It’s you. You look the same, but you look happier too. And more confident. I don’t think you back then would have ever worn something like this with such confidence. You were always shy and worried about what other people thought of you, but now you seem so much more confident and that’s sexy.” Doyoung leans back on his hands to get a full look at you. “I’m telling you, you’ve always been pretty but now you’re confident and that just so attractive.”

You fold your arms in front of you and look over at Doyoung. “I feel like you’re just saying all this stuff.” Doyoung shakes his head. “So you genuinely mean it?”

He nods his head. “Why do you think that I kissed you back then? I had a massive crush on you. I spent so many days thinking about confessing to you, but always losing my nerve. Then that night was my chance, probably my last chance because I knew I was going to be a trainee and would lose pretty much any chance at having a social life for a while. So I went for it. And then you ran away, so I thought you didn’t like me and I made it weird.”

“No!” You laugh. “I was just surprised. How could I not like you? Back then, you were my ideal type, Doyoung.”

“Back then?” He sits up again, holding his face close to yours. “Just back then?”

You look back down at the photo in your lap. You remember feeling so happy right then, the night air rushing around you, the taste of the wine on your tongue, and the heat of Doyoung’s fingers beside your cheek. That Doyoung made your heart pound just as much as your heart is right now.

“I don’t know you as well anymore. I can’t say,” you tell him.

Doyoung stares at you in silence for a few seconds, and then abruptly he stands up and holds his hand out to you.

“I’m Kim Doyoung.” He says as you slip your hand into his to shake. “I think you’re stunning, and I’d like to take you out sometime to get to know you like we used to know each other. Will you say yes?”

You stare at him, trying to read his face to see if he’s totally serious right now. Is Kim Doyoung, your childhood friend, really asking you on a date right now?

You stand up, still holding his hand.

“Well?” Doyoung asks.

“Take your second chance. Show me you’re the same Kim Dongyoung who gave me my first kiss.” Your glad to see the glint in his eye as he accepts your challenge, his hand tightening around yours as he draws you in for a second kiss, years too late.

requests are closed now! Thanks to everyone who’s sent them in!

[baekberrie]

paracetamol - bbh

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Romance, slight angst and fluff

Au!s: Single dad au, best friends au

Sypnosys: Baekhyun, a bright, kind and beautiful person inside out, had always found himself strong enough to carry everything on his own sturdy shoulders. But as his daughter one day finds him in the middle of a breakdown, he admits that perhaps, he's not completely fine- and not as strong as he thought. Baekhyun, a twenty-eight-year-old single dad that finds himself struggling to raise his daughter, gets a  proposal from his bestfriend to finally start letting in new people in his life, meeting women on dates you had set him up with. But just as things fall into place- they fall apart on the other side.

Making him realize that he had been trying to build the wrong puzzle all along.

Making you realize that the puzzle you were making him build was one you wouldn't be a piece of. One you couldn't help him build anymore.

If you took two paracetamol pills from 500mg, would it be the same as 1000mg? Would they ever be enough to ease the ache in your chest?

"Beware of butterflies, they'll break your heart."

Was it the extremely lonely moon that had smitten him with its melancholy? Or perhaps the gentle rain tapping onto the window, inducing him to feel just as small, just as vulnerable. The tears welling up in Baekhyun's eyes were small but full of sorrow. A sorrow that controlled his voice into subtle cries that he so wanted to swallow back down his throat, a sorrow that made his body tremble.

Baekhyun was someone that always smiled, for the people around him, for himself, for his daughter. As bright as the sun, he was. Cheerful like the summer, he was. He was organized and had everything under control.

But for tonight, he couldn't control his emotions. As much as he wanted to stop crying and be stronger, the sudden wave of overwhelming feelings had unexpectedly come crashing down upon him. Until now, Baekhyun had always done his best to be the greatest version of himself, so that he could give his only daughter the best life, even without a mother. In fact, he had to say, things had gone surprisingly well and nothing like what he had imagined when his lover had suddenly left him and their daughter without notice, without explanations. It would've been a lie if he said he hadn't gone through a harsh period where he'd constantly be tested by depression, loneliness, and hopelessness. But he had had his sources of light. His daughter that day by day grew so quickly yet beautifully, had always been was what drove him forward, what prevented him from giving up so many times. And then there had been you. You and your endless will to help him with his needs as a single dad, your strengthening friendship, and your comforting smiles.

Despite the hardships he had faced, Baekhyun always considered himself extremely blessed, for he had a beautiful daughter that he truly, loved with his whole being- a daughter that solely could bring him so much happiness to last for an eternity. A loving family and precious friends that took care of him, and he took care of them. With all of these things, he would never allow himself to feel sad, broken, or lonely. It felt extremely wrong and ungrateful. Baekhyun could just not accept the fact that he too, was not endlessly strong. Just like everybody else, he had a breaking point. Now, he had finally reached it.

The twenty-nine-year-old man did not hear the little girl silently pushing his door that had been ajar, open. There would be times where his daughter wouldn't be able to sleep and seek for her dad, and she was so tiny, so he would purposely never close the door completely so that she could come in without hinders. Standing on her tippy toes, she took tiny steps to the king-sized bed that really, wasn't too big, but looked immense in her tired eyes. A little clumsily, she climbed onto the bed and plopped down next to Baekhyun, tugging gently at the sleeve of his pajamas while rubbing her eye with the other hand. Shocked to be caught in such a vulnerable moment, Baekhyun almost jumped away from the child but visibly relaxed when he saw her.

"S-sweetheart, what are you doing here?" His trembling voice gave him away, but he didn't think that his daughter would catch on it. He was wrong, for before she could even think about answering, she had already noticed the salty stains of his tears reflecting in the moonlight. The little girl almost tripped when standing up, but stubbornly caught her balance again before walking to stand in front of her father.

"Why is daddy crying?" Came her small voice, full of concern, "Did you have a nightmare?" Her arms were stretched towards him, she obviously wanted to throw them around his neck, but they were too short. The sight melted Baekhyun's heart instantly and without making her wait, he pulled her onto his lap. She hadn't been too far from right when she mentioned a nightmare, although he had been awake, the painful feelings chasing his sleep away certainly felt like one.

"Dad is okay, don't worry, hmm?" Baekhyun made sure to sound the sweetest so that he wouldn't worry her, but sometimes he underestimated the maturity of his daughter. Sure, she was still incredibly young, but every day she showed him how intelligent she was, understanding many things right away. A confused frown made its way on his face when all she did was puff her rosy cheeks with air, a bit annoyed, for that matter.

"Daddy, you not so good at lying, you know?" Once again, he was to be astonished by his own daughter. The incredulous expression on her soft features alone was able to make him forget about his anxieties. He had no idea how to respond to that, much less to the way she had started looking at him so intently. He felt slightly awkward when her chocolate brown eyes that resembled his moved all over his face for a good minute. Soon enough though, a hint of hesitation began polling within them as she started fidgeting nervously with her tiny, chubby fingers.

"Are you missing mommy?" Her voice had been so small, almost inaudible when asking the question, always afraid that the topic would sadden Baekhyun further. Early in her life, she had learned that she was slightly different from the other children because she did not have a mother. At first, it had been hard to digest the fact that everybody she knew had a mother except for her...But it did not last long, she had immensely shocked Baekhyun when she with her slightly broken language told him that she didn't mind after all, since he had always been there and it was enough.

Baekhyun vigorously shook his head at the question. What happened had by now taken place a long time ago and you could say that Baekhyun had learned to accept the way his story with the mother of his daughter had ended. He taught himself that it would never be worth it to hurt for someone who after all, did not love them enough to stay. The feelings of sorrow and heartbreak in her regards had with time morphed into something a loving person like Baekhyun would not usually carry in his heart. Rage. In fact, there would be moments when in his thoughts, he'd go back to all the good times lived together until he reached the abrupt end, and despite himself, he couldn't help but feel so angered, so disappointed. Wondering whether he had never been enough to her? And their daughter? Hadn't she meant anything for her to leave like that? What hurt the most was knowing that none of these questions were ever going to be answered. Though maybe, it was better that way. He had let it go, so there was no reason for him to reminisce about it. Sometimes though, he couldn't help it.

He brought a hand to brush the wild locks of his daughter away from her face, adoringly cupping her soft, soft cheek. "Do you? Are you sad?" He murmured, searching for an answer in her demeanor, but it was not needed because just like he had, she shook her head fervently.

"No, daddy is all I need." Sparkling adoration reflected on her face while from Baekhyun's eyes dripped honey as his lips curled in the happiest smile. A certain feeling bloomed within his chest, as if there were two hearts swelling next to each other, a kind of love and adoration that would steal his breath away. Swiftly, he put two hands underneath each of her armpits and lifted her up slightly, bringing her closer. Excited gurgles were echoing in the walls at the sudden move. He pressed a chaste kiss to her tiny lips and hugged the child to his chest, to which she happily snuggled into.

"You're my angel. Dad is so lucky to have you, you know that right?" She could only nod on his chest, her tiny fingers tightened around his shirt.

"Can I sleep here with dad?" Her head tilted upward to steal a glance at the male. Despite the sleep threatening to take over, for her, he pulled the brightest smile he could muster. Placing another kiss on the crown of her hair, he whispered a gentle; "Of course honey."

---

The clock was nearing noon when you got a text from Baekhyun asking you to pick up his daughter from kindergarten since he would be late. A smile instantly crossed your lips upon seeing the name of his contact, but also because you couldn't wait to see the baby girl again. She was the brightest ray of sun and her smile would always succeed to melt you into a puddle, not to mention the affection she held for you, it made you feel so extremely blessed to have the trust of such a gleeful child. The excitement was buzzing through your veins and you were hurrying to the destination, impatient to see what Sarang's reaction would be upon having you surprising her. She didn't know that it would be you to pick her up, and any time you had done it this way, her happy shrieks had always filled the playground.

It wasn't much different this time either. When Sarang saw you walking through the gates of her kindergarten, your name had been shrieked from the top of her lungs and before you had even known it, her short arms were circling your leg for a hug. You neither could help the endeared chuckles leaving your lips as you crouched down to her level so that you could bring her into your arms. "And how is my princess doing?" You cooed excitedly while the two of you went to get her things.

"Good!" She exclaimed, though the bright smile soon died down and was replaced by a frown on her lips. "But daddy has been a bit sad," Sarang revealed, the concern for her father was extremely obvious on her soft features.

"Yeah? What has happened to dad, hm?" You were to be disappointed when the girl only shrugged her small shoulders. Usually, you would know better than to worry over things children would say, though Sarang, was extremely mature for her age. Something truly wasn't right if it worried her. "Will you help him?"She suddenly said, begging you with her glossy eyes that prompted you to plant a reassuring kiss on her head. "Of course," You said, "Best friend on a mission!" You formed your hand into a fist and brought it forward as if you were superman, sprinting the way to your car, happy to hear Sarang giggling at the thrilling feeling of the wind against her face.

You had only started parking when Sarang had already begun begging you to let her unlock the door herself since she found it so incredibly fun and fascinating to insert the key into the lock and twist it. With a grin on your face, you fished out the extra pair of keys to their home that Baekhyun had given you from the very start and handed them to her. The metallic gadgets noisily dangled from her fingers while she skipped her way to the front door, bouncing excitedly on her feet when waiting for you so that you could lift her up, she wasn't tall enough after all.

By now, you had spent so much time with Baekhyun and Sarang that you had basically seen her grow, and that meant that you also knew what her routines were every day. Grabbing the sweet flavored yogurt from the fridge together with some fruits, you made her an afternoon snack that would later do its magic on sending her into napping mode. Half an hour later, the little girl was falling into a peaceful slumber, scrambled on the couch while her favorite cartoon played in the background. You couldn't help the smile crossing your lips. She was utterly adorable. With the soft sneers leaving her pouty lips and her long eyelashes casting a long shadow down her rosy cheeks. Ever so carefully, you picked her up in your embrace and almost melted when she automatically nuzzled her face into your neck, fisting your shirt with her little hand. You wouldn't have minded having her nap huddled in your embrace like that, but you found it better for Sarang to sleep on an actual, comfortable bed. So that was where you brought her; to her bedroom, tucked safely in the comfort of her fluffy pink sheets.

An hour had finally passed, and somehow it had felt way slower than it should've, but you figured that it was probably because you had spent it doing absolutely nothing, in a house that wasn't yours. To your relief though, you heard the lock to the door click open and shuffling footsteps entered the apartment. There was no doubt of who it was, without exaggerations, you would always know when it was him. Even the pattern of his footsteps was recognizable to you.

You left the couch to greet him and as soon as you were visible, he discarded the exhausted look from his face, just so that he could warm you up with his smile. The action tugged a tiny part of your chest, he was back from an extremely long day at work and the dark circles underneath his eyes were revealing it all. But nonetheless, he found it more important to make you comfortable with a smile rather than letting you see his exhaustion. In all honestly, you weren't sure whether to find that admirable or scold him because he was putting too much pressure on himself all the time.

"Com' here," You chimed knowingly, gesturing for him to follow you. The man trailed with small footsteps behind you as if a puppy, silently obeying when you gestured for him to sit on the couch while you walked around it. A thankful sigh pushed past his lips when your fingers gently dug into his shoulders, melting the tensing knots underneath his skin that had built during the day.

"How are you?" You murmured, genuinely wanting to know about his day, about his feelings. Whenever you'd ask him this, it would never be out of courtesy. There was just something about Baekhyun's soft, soothing voice telling you about his adventures that made you want to listen to every single word he had to say. But today, your motive was different. As your hands massaged his shoulders, Sarang's words echoed in your head, making you wonder whether Baekhyun would ever feel comfortable enough to talk about it with you. The question was answered by the defeated sigh he let out when throwing his head back against the couch, the crown of his head coming to contact with your abdomen. The gel that had been brushed through his locks was now worn off, barely holding together the wildness of his hair, which only made your fingers painfully long to thread through those chocolate strands of his. Baekhyun's eyes were shut close in exhaustion as he forced himself to speak through the tiredness.

"Sarang caught me in the middle of a breakdown." He confirmed what the little girl had told you earlier, and although the tone in his voice was merely a breathy whisper, you still caught onto the disappointment he felt towards himself. Knowing the man, he was probably considering himself a failure for letting his daughter see him in such a vulnerable state.

"A father is supposed to be a strong figure in their child's eyes, someone who can be strong enough to support them whenever someone who is wise. And yet here I am, failing miserably." Dejection coated his words as he let out the burdens weighing down on his heart. His gentle and fragile heart that had been wounded so deeply. "What do I even do?" He exasperated, "I want to give her everything. I want her to feel safe. I want to give her the mother she has a right to, the peaceful and happy childhood she deserves. But things are just so damn complicated, I-" His breath got caught in his lungs when feeling a familiar overwhelmedness of emotions threatening to crush him.

"How am I going to handle all of that?" It physically pained you to see Baekhyun in such a despaired state. Solely the way he was leaning his elbows onto his knees, stressfully hiding his face in his palm radiated such an amount of anxiousness that could've made you fall into the same pit of darkness just by looking at him. Baekhyun had been there for you every time you had needed him. You were not going to let him down.

Not a second was wasted and by the time he blinked, you were already there next to him. Fingertips running soothingly through his hair while your other hand guided his head to rest on your soft chest, to which he complied immediately. A content yet trembling whimper left his lips at the warmth and comfort of your embrace, his nose traced its way to the crook of your neck where he could inhale the sweetness of your perfume mixed with fabric softener.

"I don't want to be so vulnerable. I'm sorry you're always here to witness me being so weak." Again, Baekhyun couldn't help but resent himself for his overflowing flaws and imperfections he couldn't get a hold of no matter what. "No, don't say that Baekhyun. I'm thankful to be able to be the one helping you in any kind of situation." Perhaps you had let on too much? But this was what you felt. As his best friend, just the thoughts of him being comforted by someone else would spark some kind of jealousy within you, because you wanted to be the one to anchor him at any time.

"Maybe it's time that you start letting new people into your life again?" You pondered out loud while your fingers twirled around Baekhyun's satin-like curly brown locks, earning nothing but a frustrated groan. "Minseok's been saying that for weeks, to try dating and all that." By the irritated undertone in his voice, you could tell that he was indeed not keen on letting new females in his life yet.

"I've been considering it, but I don't want this to turn into Sarang feeling neglected either," Baekhyun expressed his worries while lifting his head from your chest so that he could look at you instead, letting you view the worry swimming in his dark pools.

"It doesn't have to turn out like that, I'll be with Sarang whenever it's needed," You suggested, giving his cheek a gentle caress. With a sigh, he leaned into your touch. "You shouldn't have to do that as often as you already do, she's my responsibility, not yours."

"Baek, you also deserve to find your happiness." At that, all he did was bit his lips, the war in his head visible from his troubled orbs. "Everything will be okay," You assured, "I'll find some impeccable dates for you and we'll start simply, hm? How does that sound?"The male contemplated your proposal with a skeptical look on his face which made you roll your eyes dramatically.

"Oh stop it, you can trust me!"

"Fine, fine."

***

"Wow! Daddy so handsom!!" Came Sarang's high pitched gurgle at the view of her father. You had to second her on that. With his curls resting on his forehead in such a youthful way, the light jeans and the collar of a button-up peeking from the sweater made him look absolutely irresistible. With a chuckle, baekhyun kneeled down to pick the girl up, resting her comfortably on his hip and placing the sweetest kiss on her temple, making you almost squeal out loudly at the view. "Really?" he chimed sweetly, earning a few excited nods, to which he laughed.

"Thank you, princess." Although the fondness in his voice as he spoke to his daughter, the nervousness and distress were limpidly reflecting in his orbs, and you found yourself softening before him, you found absolutely no reason for him to feel all the worry he was feeling.

"Be confident Baekhyun," You said once he'd put Sarang down, letting her run off to play. "You're such a handsome and charming man, with beautiful qualities. You have it all." You murmured with so much adoration and sincerity, maybe even too much because your heart had started swelling in your chest upon speaking such words. The fact that you would always know what he was feeling before him saying it first would never stop astonishing him. Relief washed over his features and he allowed himself to step a little closer. For a second, you thought you had forgotten how to breathe, when his lips had caressed ever so gently to your cheek, pressing one or two kisses before leaning back and eyeing you with a  heartbreaking smile that neither you could run away unaffected from, while breathing the sweetest "Thank you," you had ever had directed towards yourself.

After one last brief goodbye, which was the thirteenth as well, he finally left the apartment, leaving you to sigh heavily and praying in your mind that everything could go well. That he wouldn't close himself if the first tries wouldn't work out. You knew that Baekhyun could turn out to be very sensitive after what had happened to him. While keeping him in your mind, you called out of Sarang, and the little girl appeared soon, giggling and smiling she jumped in your arms. "Shall we start our ladies' night!?" You cooed excitedly, prompting her to squeal and gesticulate enthusiastically, her happy antics would never fail to put your worries at bay, spreading nothing but warmth in your chest. The Barbie movie she adored so much had just started playing when she suddenly turned in her embrace, curiosity shining in her droopy eyes that were just like his. You quirked a questioning eyebrow and Sarang let out a small giggle, "Is daddy going to fall in love?" the thought of her dad going out to 'fall in love' as her sweet innocence made her see it, seemed to excite her a lot. A soft smile fell on your lips as a hand caressed her soft tresses gently. "Hopefully," You replied, only thinking that it would be beautiful if he could fall in love, it would be amazing if love didn't come with pain.

It really would be. And you hoped that for Baekhyun who deserved it more than anyone else.

30 minutes into the third movie was when you finally felt your eyes getting droopy. Initially, you had tried making the baby girl go to sleep already after the second movie, but she had insisted to stay awake until her daddy came back and wouldn't take a no for an answer. Until a few moments ago, she had been bouncing like an energetic bunny and you couldn't understand how she had all of that energy when you hadn't even given her any sweets yet. Though now, it seemed as if her body was slowly giving in to the tiredness, but obviously enough, she fought it as hard as she could to finish watching the romantic animated film. You suppressed the laugh at her funny expression, flushed chubby cheeks and brows arched into a frown, her eyes glaring really intensely at the huge TV screen as if it would chase her sleepiness away.

But you ended up being no better as you had ended up falling asleep with her on the couch. Her little body in a fetal position as she had in her sleep snuggled into your laying body. Sarang's head rested on your chest while her tiny fists grabbed onto the hoody enveloping your body, its scent was bound to make her lean closer into it. In fact, it wasn't even yours,  you hadn't been able to find a darn blanket in the whole house, and Sarang had been of no help either, but you couldn't blame the girl for not knowing where her dad hid things. And that was why you had stolen one from his closet, choosing the biggest out of them all, knowing that Baekhyun would probably not mind you doing that.

You did not know for how long you had been asleep when you were suddenly woken up by feeling Sarang being lifted from next to you. A loud gasp left your lips as you sat up abruptly, looking around frantically, your mind still numb because of the sleep.

"Hey, shh, it's me," Came a hushed whisper to which you recognized the voice. A gentle hand placed itself on your cheek, turning you to look in their direction. Your eyes were still wide with shock as you eyed the Baekhyun who was currently pressing his lips into a thin line so that he wouldn't let out the laugh in his throat and wake up Sarang. The mischievousness was a permanent glint in his eyes as he then patted down your wild locks.

"Go back to sleep, it's okay," He said with a smirk on his face although his voice was nothing but soothing and gentle. When he saw that you still wouldn't budge from your current position, he shifted the sleeping Sarang slightly in his embrace, reaching out with his hand to your shoulder, pushing you gently to lay back down. "Sleep," He murmured one last time while his hand had traveled from your shoulder to give your cheek that was by now, flushed by the hot temperature, a soft caress that induced your heavy eyelids to droop back close. All you could really decipher at that moment was the question swirling in your head, wondering whether you were going to remember these few interactions tomorrow morning.

***

The sound of your name being called by an angel-like voice reached your ears, though, you were pretty sure it was part of the beautiful dream you were having while basking in the warmth of the sun-rays peeking from the curtains, but most of all, completely immersed in a familiar scent, a homely and ridiculously good one. It wasn't yours, and at the moment you had no idea who it might've belonged to but you knew, in your state of sleepiness that you didn't want to get out of it. Eventually, you were forced out of your sleep when you were shaken awake. You had difficulty opening your heavy eyes but it soon passed when the first thing you saw was his almond-shaped, droopy eyes gazing down at you.  It was when a soft smile crept on his lips that you finally realized how you weren't in your own bed, nor the couch you had fallen asleep on yesterday. Mainly, that the sweet, comforting scent you had been engulfed in this time not only derived from the oversized hoody you were wearing but from the fluffy white sheets surrounding you on the king-sized bed you could've only wished you could ever afford.

"Baek," You sleepily whined with disbelief while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. "You gave me your bed again." You stated. "Why did you move me from the couch? You should've used the bed instead!" First thing in the morning, you found yourself scolding Baekhyun for being overly selfless. You had felt how tense his back had been with knotted muscles just a few days ago, and there he was, giving away a well-needed sleep so that you could've been more comfortable. As much as this could be considered a good quality, you couldn't help but sometimes feel that Baekhyun was way too generous for his own good. The male sitting on the free space next to you on the bed did not even comment on what you had just said, letting your words fade into thin air.

"Did you sleep well?" He questioned instead, blinking his puppy eyes ever so innocently and you could only groan out loudly. "Nggh, I can't handle you," You lamented into the fabric of his hoody. "Don't be like that, you know I like doing these things." Baekhyun insisted.

"Yes, but it shouldn't cost you your health, Baekhyun!" You almost hissed, rasping your dry throat in the process. The slight harshness in your tone managed to quieten Baekhyun who only looked down in his laps.

"But you were so deeply asleep, I couldn't bring myself to wake you up or to let you be uncomfortable on the sofa!" Baekhyun continued to argue after a small moment of silence, his pouty lips tilting into a sulky frown. "Plus...You were starting to drool and that couch isn't exactly cheap, you know," he eventually admitted what might have been his main reason, leaving you to flush deep red with embarrassment, finding no other solution than to hide your face in his pillow. "Why did you tell me that, gosh." you groaned while suppressing the bubbling urge to scream into the pillow as well, but you decided that you had embarrassed yourself enough to do that too.

Baekhyun only giggled in response, muttering a quick: "Just kidding," To which you reacted faster than he'd expected when you threw your pillow at him, earning a girly yell from the almost thirty-year-old man. Suddenly, as if lightning had struck you, you calmed immediately down.

"How did the date go?!" You exclaimed excitedly as you crawled closer to him. Baekhyun seemed startled by your sudden mood swings for a moment but got over it quickly. You understood that something was off when Baekhyun gave you an uncertain cringe in response.

"It went well until I mentioned Sarang," He confessed, finally letting go of his usual worry-free facade and allowing the defeated look he'd been holding back take over his features, shoulders slumping together and eyebrows bent with frustration, forming a crease on his forehead. His pink lips pouty and begging for comfort, but you immediately took your eyes elsewhere to keep your thoughts about Baekhyun's lips at bay. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the main struggle of having an attractive best friend, but that was a story for another time.

"Oh," You cooed, "Baekhyun, it's not your fault, please don't beat yourself up about it." You tried to console him but to no avail. Truthfully, there wasn't much you could do if women were scared away by the fact that he already had a child. But you still tried to ease his worries. Letting out a soft breath, you mustered a smile that you hoped could relieve him, your hand gently rubbing his arm.

"I believe that maybe, you should wait for a few dates in before speaking up about your family, so that the girl can get to know you for you, without any prejudices they may come up with beforehand. Hm?" The suggestion didn't sound illogical as Baekhyun contemplated it, eventually nodding hastily, "You're right," He agreed with a smile.

"Good, then I'll set a date with your next candidate later on today."

***

Every challenge in life was bound to be a bumpy road that would cause one to stumble, and even fall on the way. But never would it be impossible to go through. You had experienced that and strongly stood by that statement. Though, even you felt the tiniest hint of hope slip through your fingers when Baekhyun had one night returned from his date with a second match that you had found him, rather defeated. The girl had right after their first meeting rejected the idea of getting to know him further, and to your relief this time it hadn't been because of Sarang. Somehow, you found yourself appreciating the girl's honesty and confidence, she knew what she wanted and when she didn't find it in Baekhyun (which left you quite baffled because he was perfect) she ended things before they could go too far. It had taken a few tries to convince Baekhyun to not give up, trying to make him understand that sometimes it could take longer to find a great match. The whole blind date situation though slowly started to become less appealing to him. He had sighed heavily when saying that he didn't like to hurry and force such processes in his life that were supposed to take its time to come.

It was because of that when he entered the apartment with a wide grin on his face, you hadn't known better than to excitedly squeal and jump in his arms. You could feel his smile on your skin as he tightened his arms around you.

"Did you get a second date?" You questioned, loosening the hug ever so slightly so that you could take in the joyful expression on his face. The male gave you a dreamy grin and nodded with a childish innocence that made your heart swell with warmth. Something poked into your thoughts,  something you couldn't put a finger on. It didn't feel positive, so you waved it away and concentrated on the happiness that hadn't taken place on his face for a long time now.

"I'm so happy for you Baek," You smiled, caressing his arm affectionately, "How was she?" You wondered curiously and his smile seemed to widen at the mention of the amazing girl he had just gone on a date with. You were happy to see this kind of expression display so mindlessly on his beautiful features. He truly deserved to be happy.

"She's beautiful and easygoing, which was such a relief. I felt comfortable right away. All in all, it was like a breath of fresh air. Obviously, I can't either of us have feelings yet, but I think there's a potential between us." Baekhyun explained, and you found a part of his sentence rather relieving- for a reason to you unknown but you decided not to dwell on it.

"I'm glad you liked her, I'm rooting for you!" You cheered with the most delightful expression you could muster, you wanted him to know that whatever he would do, that you would be there to support him. You wanted to see him smile, like this, every day. And if this girl would be the reason for it, then so be it. Thankfulness and adoration swam in his oceans as he took in the bright smile on your face, his expression almost having a sad twinge to it, but perhaps you were just seeing things wrong. Without a warning, he pulled you into another embrace- a silent one and yet so incredibly emotional as he pressed you to his chest, making you wonder where the butterflies fluttering in your belly came from- you had never had them before.

"Thank you." He breathed out, and his long eyelashes caressed the surface of your neck, "I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I want to give you just as much back, I promise that I'll do it."

"Baekhyun." His name tasted as always, just so sweet on your tongue, but as you had a slightly warning tone in your voice, today it felt also a bit sour. "You don't have to do anything. I'm doing this as your best friend because I want to. It's not something you'll owe me later. Okay? Please don't feel that way when you're with me. Whatever I give, just take, take. Please." You could only beg him, for once you wanted to be one to be unconditionally giving to him- it was an urge, a sensation that surged from the deepest part of your heart. Something you had to fulfill.

Tickling. An intense tickling took place in your tummy once again when the male tightened his arms that were laced around your waist, making it possible for you to feel his heartbeat against your raging one. Soon, they melted together into one unstable melody as your heart was beating so incredibly fast- crashing and rebelling against your thoughts, without your permission skipping exciting beats. This hug had by long surpassed the line between friendly and something more.

"No." Baekhyun murmured soothingly into your ear and unwillingly sent shivers thundering down your spine when the tips of his lips brushed ever so slightly against the shell of your ear, leaving no space for interjections.

Why was he like this?

Why was your heart like this? Beating at a speed of a thousand, you couldn't keep up, you felt out of breath.

You couldn't keep up.

***

The third girl you had set up with Baekhyun was just a few years younger than him. The two seemed to have clicked just perfectly as one date had turned into two- and two into three, into regular meets almost every day. Often, you found yourself babysitting the little Sarang, these days barely getting to see the man as he'd be out by the time you'd reach his house. You should've been happy for him, that finally, he had someone who wanted to commit themselves to him, that there was someone who loved making him feel like he mattered, but why was it that there was not even a crumb of happiness in his regards? It drove you to despise yourself, never had you thought that you could've been so cruel, so cold at heart, and for what exactly? For what reason? You missed him, sure, but you didn't believe that explained the clenching fingers clawing at your chest whenever you'd enter his damned house. The joy of babysitting the ray of sunshine had dissipated into nothingness and you had no idea how to make yourself grasp at any kind of motivation to keep going. But a part of you still fought, at least for the little Sarang who deserved anything she could get, truly. You could see it in her now saddened doll-eyes, that she too felt unusually lonely.

The moments where you'd babysit Sarang had morphed into the most dreaded hours of the day. It was as if a part of your conscious insisted for you to fight against the longing toward Baekhyun, a sensation that begged you to stay in your home, telling you that if you refused to help him out- you wouldn't have to deal with that throbbing loneliness and darn pain suffocating your every other emotion. And yet, you couldn't find it in yourself to say no, not to Baekhyun who counted on you so much. After all, you wanted him to feel like he could count on you always, you wanted him to reach out to you like he always did. You wanted him to continue doing that, and then maybe... at some point, he'd remember you were there too.

Pathetic, weren't you after all? So much for denying when it was so clear.

Everything was so clear.

That you wanted him all to yourself. Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun. You longed to have his chocolate eyes swarming with warmth directed to you again, you wanted his radiant smile to melt your heart and cover your skin with goosebumps. You wanted his voice calling out to you for more than just a brief greeting. A long, never-ending conversation with just the two of you, on the sofa. That was what you longed for. To simply have back the time the two of you used to spend together. To be that constant in his life.

You fucking missed him, and that was okay, wasn't it? You were best friends after all. Didn't he miss you even a little bit? Now that he'd been distant for so long, didn't he think of his best friend the slightest bit? You felt your heart crack the slightest.

He was just your best friend, but why did it hurt so damn much? When the fuck did things start crumbling above of you?

If you took two paracetamol pills from 500mg, would it be the same as 1000mg? Would they ever be enough to ease the ache in your chest?

Your train of thoughts was interrupted when the screen of your phone suddenly lit up, almost startling you out of your current position on the couch. Currently, you were in the comfort of your home. The device vibrated with an incoming call and a sigh tumbled from your already parted lips.

Speaking of the devil, you thought as you hesitantly picked the phone up, for a moment you considered not answering the call. To let it ring until it would hit the hotline. Would that keep you in his thoughts?- A frown creased your brows as you realized what in the world you were thinking and before you could even evaluate your choice, you had already swiped the green button, answering the call.

It was just a call anyway. Just Baekhyun, it wasn't like something had changed after all.

You had to take a deep breath to steady your unusually nervous heartbeat. "Hello?" You spoke expectantly, finally realizing that it had been a while since he actually called you instead of sending brief texts. "Hey," His voice sounded darker over the phone, you couldn't help but remark, longing for more, the grip on your phone tightened- fingertips turning white.

"I- I know I've been asking you to come very often lately, I know you're probably resting right now and I'm sorry, but I truly need your help- I don't know what to do," Baekhyun sounded so extremely frustrated and distressed as he rambled on insecure words to which you could only frown to as you barely caught a thing he said.

"Baekhyun, calm down," You called soothingly, your voice a mere hushed tone as you knew that if you kept a calm manner, he would too. In fact, not even a second later, you heard the man draw a long breath, and almost, almost, you could see him and his chest deflate slowly as air would escape his pretty lips before you. "Now, tell me what's the matter."

"Sarang is throwing a fit! I-" Baekhyun did not know where to start, his hand gesticulating although you were not there to see him. Disbelief cascaded on his words the more he spoke, you could tell that he was absolutely desperate. "She's in her room and won't talk to me, I don't know what I have done wrong." He sighed defeatedly, "I really don't know." A moment of silence took place before his voice that had shrunken into a small, breakable whisper reached your ears again.

"Please...I really need you..." Your throat went absolutely dry at the plea in his hushed, husky voice and you swallowed whatever was left of moisture in your mouth, but to no avail, as everything was parched. Only a defeated sigh passed through your parted lips as you knew, that you were going to lose yourself in that sensation again. The one that empowered your resistance against him. You felt so lost as your lips parted and spoke on their own, you were drowning. Your lungs completely suffocating when surrounded by the longing for him that was enveloping you like violent waves in a rainstorm.  

"I'll be there." The reassuring words had rolled off your tongue without your consent, but a part of you told you that it had been the right thing to do when you heard the relieved hum coming from Baekhyun on the other side. The smile spoke volumes in his voice as he thanked you hundreds of times.

***

Your gaze traveled along the pink door leading to Sarang's room. On its surface hung countless colorful drawings, to which each and all of them sparkled with childish happiness, a youth that manifested in the odd yet fantasy-filled representation of her little self holding Baekhyun's hand. In some drawings, you would even find yourself being present as well, which would never cease to provide you a lovely warmth in your chest.

Teeth dug into your lip while you contemplated your next actions. Baekhyun was standing just a few meters away with a worried frown permanently creasing his soft features while his eyes were unwavering from your figure and you could feel his gaze burning on your back. For some reason, his presence felt ever so slightly unnerving,  you were sure that it was because it had been a while since the two of you finally seen each other ever since he started frequenting the girl.

Deciding to not waste any more time, you shot your shot and brought your fist to the door, knocking gently, calmly calling out to the child. "Sarang, It's me, unnie." You started after a few knocks, "Will you let me in?" Your question lingered in the air thickly for a few moments until it completely dissipated. Your lips pressed into a thin line, a bit discouraged. But nonetheless, you insisted. "Why are you sad, baby? Don't you wanna tell unnie?" Coo found its way in your voice, sweet and understanding, inducing the angry child from the other side of the wall to give in. Relief washed over you when the pink door slowly creaked open. Quickly, you sent a glance in Baekhyun's direction from over your shoulder, only to see him smiling softly at the sight of you entering his daughter's room. It was a knowing smile, like he had known exactly what had been needed when Sarang had refused him. A sweet warmth crawled in your chest, eventually spreading lovingly into every inch of your body and you found yourself smiling despite the situation.

The child had her back facing you and her small shoulders slumped downwards while her tiny fists tightened next to her sides, fingers gripping onto her puffy dress. You felt the previous warmth in your chest immediately get replaced by a cold, heartbreaking pain clenching at your heart. Oh, how you despised to see the ray of sunshine burn out like this. If something had managed to take that toothy smile from her features then it meant something, or, someone had truly hurt her feelings.

With your legs crossed on the floor, you reached out of her fist and gently untangled her fingers from the tight hold. "Sweetie," You cooed, "Who made you sad? Who should I scold, hm?" Your voice was only a mere whisper as Sarang let her herself be guided to your chest, eventually nuzzling into it once enveloped by your arms, and your heart was to be broken when she burst into subtle sniffles, indicating that she was shedding tears. "Oh honey," You soothed while running your hands through her slightly knotted tresses, her little body shook in your arms and you could only bring her closer to your chest. "What's wrong honey, please tell me or unnie will cry too." The words seemed to convince her because when you leaned away to cup her chubby cheeks with your warm palms, she let you. Her droopy puppy eyes were puffy and red with tears as she sadly blinked her long, wet lashes at you. Her flushed cheeks crystalized by the salty water.

"D-daddy," She started but struggled to speak as the hiccups bubbling in her throat were strong and overpowering, shaking her small body. "Daddy don't play with Sarang no more, he dun love Sarang no more." Upon speaking the last sentence Sarang broke into tears again, letting out ugly cries filled with heartbreak and sadness.

"Sweetheart! Why are you talking like that, you know daddy loves you. He always will." You assured but deep inside you couldn't help but wonder what this whole situation was all about, you knew that Sarang wouldn't even utter such words if it wasn't for a valid reason.

She shook her head furiously, her eyebrows bending into a sulky frown, her lips pouty and pointing downward. "Dad only talks with other unnie, he forgets about Sarang." The tears were still pooling in her eyes and slowly trailing down her kissable cheeks. It pained you to listen to what she was saying, although you knew that she was innocently exaggerating some details. It didn't take a genius to realize it, children had strong emotions and experienced things very animatedly.

"I don't want daddy to fall in love anymore." A great portion of your conscious was screaming that this was your fault after all. It was only because of you if Baekhyun had met new people, leading him to spend lesser time with his daughter. But even if you apologized to the child, she wouldn't completely understand the connections, so you settled with caressing her cheeks, with your thumb, and brushed away the tear stains.

"Sarang," A soft smile blossomed on your lips as you thought about how much Baekhyun adored Sarang. "Daddy loves you so much, more than anyone else.  But sometimes he too can get caught with other people. It's normal, do you understand that?" She nodded hesitantly. "Since daddy is forgetful, and a bit dumb too," You playfully whispered the last part, prompting her to let out a giggle although her glossy eyes. "He needs someone like Sarang to remind him whenever too much, is too much. Would you do that for him, Sarang?" This time, the little girl seemed far brighter as he bobbed her head up and down, soon a smile taking place on her lips. "Then go tell daddy why you are angry now, go scold him. Grr!" You growled playfully and formed your hands into claws, to which she imitated gleefully, repeating the sound of a little tigress.

When her happy gurgles had died down, Sarang crossed her arms on her chest in a fierce demeanor and pouted angrily. You raised an amused brow and had to press your lips together so that you wouldn't laugh. "Do I look scary?" She whispered secretly, curiosity and question marks sparkled within her orbs and you nodded enthusiastically, ushering her to step outside where Baekhyun had been waiting all this time, probably nerve-wracked.

The man's face brightened like the sun when Sarang stepped out of her room with you following close behind. Without wasting a single second, he crouched on the floor and opened his arms for her to step inside them, but was caught off guard when Sarang intimidatingly crossed her arms over her chest just like she had done with you two minutes ago. " I am angry at daddy!" She spouted right in his face, not bothering to put it into a nicer way. Baekhyun was shocked, almost scandalized for that matter and you had to drill your teeth into your lip to not burst into laughter.

"B-baby- what?" He stammered, clearly taken aback. His arms that had been inviting her into a hug slowly fell limp next to his sides.

"Daddy, you always go out and forget about Sarang." The child pointed out to the father whose eyes widened with realization, regret slowly but surely taking over every inch of his being.

"I feel like daddy don't care about me no more," The anguish burst through the tough behavior that she had tried to pull off in the begging, the playfulness by now long gone and both you and Baekhyun saw how her already swollen eyes had started to water again. Baekhyun felt like her heart had broken right in his hands and he felt so angry at himself, disappointed. So much for being a better father, only for it to hurt the most important person in his life.

"Oh sweetheart, I-" Even he choked on the lump in the throat, tears immediately reached his waterline to blurry out his view. You felt like you weren't supposed to stand right there and witness such a scene, but it wasn't like you could leave either.

"I am so sorry," He gasped and desperately reached out for Sarang who thankfully did not move away and instead let her father embrace her. His face was nuzzled into her little shoulder while his beautiful hand was in a constant caressing motion at the back of her head, whispering sorrowful apologies to her ears.

"I- I just wanted you to be happier, I wanted to find someone so that you could have a mommy again. But instead, I hurt you, and daddy is so sorry, will you forgive him?" Baekhyun explained to his girl while rocking their bodies slowly from side to side, his voice by now weak and threatening to break at any second. Sarang abruptly leaned away from his chest, wearing a disbelieved frown on her face.

"But Sarang don't need a mommy! Sarang has daddy and unnie, is enough!" She scolded her own dad for not knowing any better although she had made it clear to him that having a mother wasn't a necessity at this point, yet not truly understanding that Baekhyun needed someone to love him that way. She was indeed, still too young for that conversation. However, the male tried to put it in a simpler way.

Ever so gently, he tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear, a tender, an extremely sweet smile blossomed on his lips, and even just seeing him making that face was enough for the butterflies to wildly flutter their wings against the walls of your tummy.  You wanted to look away but you simply couldn't, he was like the sun, and like its flower, you kept yourself gazing at him.

"Sarang, sweetheart." He initiated calmly, "I know that is how you feel, and dad is happy that you are content." His voice was soothing, a mere feather running along with your ears as he pronounced each and every word slowly so that he was sure that she could understand all of it. Not so subtly, he looked up at you and met your magnetic gaze before continuing. "However, even people like daddy and unnie need someone who loves them as a mother and father does to each other," Baekhyun concluded and guided his eyes towards his daughter again, who seemed to get a hold of the concept he was. Although not completely happy with the answer, she nodded understandingly, looking down at her feet and in the process cast a faint shadow of her lashes down her apple round cheeks.

"Thank you for understanding, Sarang. I love you, baby." Baekhyun sincerely said before trapping the little girl in his embrace again, extremely joyful about the fact that she had wrapped her short arms around his neck back. She had forgiven him.

"What do you think about a movie night? Every day for the next week?" He then suggested enthusiastically, approving the thought of canceling a couple of dates with the girl. After all, he had every right to spend time with his daughter. It was about time that he started setting his priorities straight again. Little Sarang let out an excited squeal that made Baekhyun flinch back and painfully hold his ear while he cringed at the bouncing girl in his arms. Relief settled onto your heart while watching the forgive each other, not stopping the soft smile from crawling on your lips.

With a satisfied sigh, you excused yourself. "Well then, I'll take my leave." You announced briefly and readied yourself to reach the front door. Baekhyun and Sarang stopped playing with each other and unintentionally whined at the same time, in the same way, making you crack up the slightest. Baekhyun scrambled to his feet and hurried to stand in front of you, a shy look crossing his delicate face, making you want to just- cup his cheeks so bad and just shower them with lov- No. Contain yourself.

"No, don't leave."

"Huh?

"Stay. After all, it is thanks to you that we solved this matter." Baekhyun proposed with a proud smile on his lip, one that you couldn't reciprocate. You shook your head in disagreement.

"No, Baekhyun. It's my fault that this happened." You said dejectedly, finding a sudden interest in your shoes, missing the disapproving frown that Baekhyun had upon hearing your words.

"Hey," He had beckoned lowly, ever so slightly warningly as his gentle fingers had to your surprise, clasped around your chin, tilting your face upwards so that you could meet his sincere orbs. They were pooling with such raw emotions that overwhelmed you, crashed upon you even though you couldn't figure out a single one of them. The warmth from his delicate fingertips seeped into your skin and yet, that sudden proximity still managed to send shooting starts down your spine.

"That is absolutely not true." Baekhyun murmured, "Please don't feel that way." You had no idea if it had been your eyes playing hallucinating, but at one point, his dark, droopy gaze had fallen from your eyes to the south of your face. The action was subtle, perhaps could've been seen as innocuous, but it set your heart on fire, it went crashing against your ribs- rebelling against your thoughts and begging to burst through your chest. He was too close and you found yourself completely unable to get a hold of your emotions. You had felt how the tongue had tied itself into a knot in your mouth, cold sweat prickling at your skin. Why he was having such a dramatic effect on your body, you couldn't tell and it frustrated you so much- to not function properly in his proximity. Since when had things become this way?

"Just stay and watch a few movies with us, it's been a while anyways. We... I miss having you around." The pleading in his voice was genuine and it didn't fail to squeeze your heart longingly, you felt so damn wanted at that moment that despite your hesitant self, you still found yourself nodding at his request. You had waited for the moment he'd ask you to spend time with him again, where it could just be you, him, and the little Sarang. Maybe, he hadn't completely forgotten about you completely after all.  A relieved and thankful smile bloomed on Baekhyun's pretty lips as you agreed, his hands immediately reached for yours like it was all they had ever longed for, taking you to the living room.

The title of the movie appeared proudly on the Tv screen as you and Sarang entered the living room. Baekhyun had dragged you there right away, but you had insisted to get Sarang in her pajama before doing anything else. The man was already sprawled on the couch in his light blue pajama, its slight oversize made his portions shrink in the silky fabric, nonetheless looked immaculate. With his brown hair looking absolutely soft and caressive and a soft hue spreading on his shiny cheeks, a color that made your eager fingers twitch in the urge to reach out and touch them. His skin that always looked so flawless no matter from where you gazed,  you wondered if it was as soft as it seemed, or if it also was surrounded by a gentle scent of lotion-like his pretty hands often were. You knew because your skin was now bearing a certain fragrance that he had transmitted to you when holding your hand in his. For some reason, you couldn't stop concentrating on the flowery scent now emanating from your hands.

If you'd smell it from close- you'd probably get drunk on it. On him.

Had you just admitted that?

Sarang was radiating excitement as she ran to the couch, jumping on it like the bunny she was and snuggled immediately next to Baekhyun who wordlessly brought her closer, placing an affectionate kiss on her crown. Teeth were drilled in your lip as you took a seat, for your own sanity keeping a distance that usually wouldn't be there. Sitting by the end of the couch, you earned two confused looks from both Baekhyun and Sarang.

Baekhyun looked you up and down with an incredulous look, almost mockingly as he chuckled out loud. "What are you doing," He deadpanned, leaning across the couch to grip your arm. "You're acting weird today," Baekhyun pointed out, " just come here." He chimed as he with a gentle force dragged you next to him, throwing an arm around your shoulders so that you wouldn't escape. "There we go," He hummed contently, tightening his hold around you and Sarang who was in your same position but on the opposite side. For a moment you went completely frozen in your spot, the parts of your body that brushed his was all you could concentrate on. How scorching hot his skin was on yours, scalding you. As if you were the fuel, it took Baekhyun only a single touch for you to turn into a fire. It was as if the air in your lungs had been sucked out within a mere second, leaving you to gasp for oxygen. He- Baekhyun was so close, too close. He really shouldn't be so forward with you, putting his hand on your hip and gripping it casually, you wished you could tell him to take it easy on you, that you couldn't handle it if he did that kind of things. Your heart was weak, so extremely weak and already beating at such a speed, you feared it'd combust. You feared that he would feel it drumming and vibrating like a bass through your shaking body. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to move away.

You couldn't bring yourself to even articulate a single word, there was a whole dance school going on in your belly.

You were melting in his embrace, and you wanted to.

"My princesses," Baekhyun cooed, his voice sounded as if it was dripping with honey and affection when he pressed another kiss to Sarang's head, and to your utter, beautiful disbelief, on yours too. Baekhyun's lips that you had never expected to ever have anywhere near your skin were now tenderly pressing a fond kiss to your temple. When he leaned slightly away, his candy scented breath melted into your skin before he closed the gap once again and pecked you once more, making you straight out tremble. Baekhyun's nape was right next to your nose as you had allowed yourself  (despite your nervous body) to cuddle into him like he had wanted you to, and you had to fight the urge to lean in and run your nose down his neck and breathe in the dazing scent coming from his fresh skin. There wasn't a single second where your whole being hadn't craved to drift even closer to him that night.

After a while, Sarang finally fell into a deep slumber in the arms of her father. It had been predictable that she wasn't going to last much longer, all that crying had for sure drained her energies. Baekhyun got up to put her to sleep, but soon returned and sat back on his spot. Not forgetting to make sure he could have his body in contact with yours, and so the two of you continued to watch movies until the late night.

***

As slumber was slowly leaving your body, all you could subconsciously remark was that you hadn't slept this well in a long time. A few parts of your body were aching due to the awkward position that you weren't completely aware of yet. A content, lazy smile was on your lips when your body became conscious of the comforting warmth provided, it was combining with your own and crawling soothingly to reassure every inch of your body. But the more you slipped into awakeness, although your eyes were still closed shut with sleep, you realized that it wasn't really a blanket keeping you warm as you had believed just a few moments ago. Frowning groggily, you slowly allowed your eyes to flutter open, meeting one of the most breathtaking scenes you had ever taken part of. For a moment all you could think was that there was an angel lying next to you, an angel was holding you in his arms and he looked beautiful as if he had stepped out of a painting and blessed you with his presence.

In the span of a few seconds, your heartbeat had sped up, only to sooner calm down, its excitement morphing into a warmth that allowed flowers to bloom in your tummy. Their petals were tickling you and their roots were carving the beautiful letters of his name into your heart. His wavy hair was messily scattered over his forehead, on his crown it stuck into every direction but nonetheless- beautiful. A beautiful mess. Baekhyun's lips were slightly parted as soft sneers tumbled out of them. The eyelashes were glittering in the golden rays of the sun peeking through the blinders, like small diamonds adorning a ring. Their length reached the flushed apples of his cheeks, kissing them and casting a sweet shadow. You smiled fondly at the innocent view, at the warm blush that traveled from his left cheek, up the bridge of his nose and onto the right cheek, a soft hue that made him look so gorgeously young. His face completely free of any frown, indicating that he was having a peaceful sleep. Like he wasn't carrying so many struggles on his own, he looked like a carefree kid having his afternoon nap.

You felt yourself melting before him, Baekhyun's limbs were hugging your hips close to himself and his hands lazily claimed your waist while his fingertips teased the exposed skin of your back. The organ in your chest swelled, filling itself with so much affection and raw emotions, it swelled and swelled until you felt it pounding against your ribs. As if it was begging to break free and intertwine itself with Baekhyun's. Your eyes traced his tender features as he slept, so peaceful and mild, you wished the world could stop in this instant so that you could forever share this warmth with him. So that you could forever be embraced by his strong arms, protected, loved. So that you could forever bask in his scent that was sweet and soapy, mixed with the freshness of wood.

Another smile found its way on your lips as you pondered.

Indeed, loving Baekhyun was as easy as hating the cops.

Indeed-

Loving...

Loving Baekhyun.

The realization hit you like an ice-cold waterfall cutting through your body, air hitching inside of your throat as your eyes widened like saucers. Suddenly the flowers blooming in your chest felt like thorns scratching and cutting your insides. No, oh fuck no.

You should've known that the butterflies had been a red flag all along. With your chest heaving for oxygen, you re scrambled from your laying position, making Baekhyun stir awake at the sudden violent movements.

You liked him... No, you fucking loved him. You loved Baekhyun so much and it was so fucked up that you were helping him get together with someone else instead of making your feelings clear for him.

You had no idea why you felt so unnerved all of a sudden, but your thoughts were swirling all over your the place into a jumbled mess, making you breathless and utterly confused, all you knew was that you needed to leave the house and just getaway. Get away from him.

The heart jumped all the way to your throat when his voice suddenly ringed through the walls. Husky and tired, it called your name questioningly, making you freeze in your steps as you saw him entering the hallway you were standing in.

"What's going on?" He yawned, "Where are you going?"He pouted, which you really couldn't handle at the moment. Even in your panicked state, your brain found a way to remark how unfairly adorable Baekhyun was at the moment, rubbing the sleep out of his eye, the paw of his hand peeking from the oversized sleeve while standing there like a confused puppy. In his question lingered an unspoken request for you to stay longer, but at the moment all you really needed was some alone time to accept this new realization.

"I..." You had no idea what to say for yourself and you hoped he wouldn't dig too deep. "I have to go to work! Oh my God, I am actually very late- shit!" The words that left your trembling lips were completely random and made no sense as you started wearing your shoes and picked up your bag. Movements were extremely messy and rushed. Stupid! You cursed yourself, it was a freaking Sunday and there was no way Baekhyun was going to believe that. Despite the confused (and adorable) frown causing a tiny crease on his forehead, he didn't question it. It seemed like your hasty behavior had been enough to fool his groggy self.

"Will you come by next week?" Baekhyun then asked before you could curl your hand against the handle. Suddenly it felt like the lump in your throat had grown inches- and kept on expanding as another realization dawned on you.

He had told you just last night how he would be having another date next week since he had postponed the one from yesterday to focus more on his daughter. And you had, with a smile, agreed.

You would be going to his house, only for him to exit it, to meet another woman, and this fact that hadn't given you more than a little twinge in your chest yesterday was now devastating you.

Baekhyun was already entering another relationship- and although you had known that, until today, it had never meant anything to you. But now all of a sudden, you did bother because you knew that you so much wanted to be that girl he would be smiling at- and perhaps even kissing every day. Gosh, you wanted him all for yourself but wishing was so fucking useless at the moment. You had already thrown away your chance and Baekhyun already belonged to someone. And that someone was not you.

Nothing had been established and yet it still felt like your heart was breaking. Even so, why was it so damn painful? Why did it need to feel like someone was ripping it to shreds, clenching it with no mercy? Perhaps, because as beautiful as love could seem, be and feel, it was bound to hurt you just as much when gone wrong.

Be aware of butterflies, they had said, because they'll break your heart.

To pieces.

It had always sounded ridiculous to you, but there you were experiencing the exact thing. Your heart was crumbling, falling in the pit of your stomach as your teeth drew blood from your lips to stop them from trembling. All you could offer the man was a nod before escaping behind the door because the last thing you could trust at that point was your voice.

Although now outside, the fresh air did not help your suffocating lungs as you gasped out the sob that you had been holding in for the entire time in there. Tears blurred your view but you furiously dried them with your sleeve as you hurried over to your car. The fabric of your jacket rubbing against your eyes hurt more than what you had thought and you found yourself cursing under your breath, cursing everything you had done and everything that came into your view. It did not make you feel better at all. What were you supposed to do when everything you had was crumbling upon you?

A weight had laid itself upon your chest from the very moment you had opened that door of his, and you knew, that it was going to be with you for a while.

***

The week was rushing by and although you had done nothing but immerse yourself in your job to forget and concentrate on other things that weren't the pain in your chest and the desperate longing for his presence, you still felt as if nothing had changed. It still felt like that Sunday where you had left Baekhyun's property with tears in your eyes had yet to come to an end. Indeed, the week passed by and you followed your routine, but no matter where your body would go during the days, your mind wouldn't budge from that one morning where for a few moments, everything had been so perfect and ever so ethereal, only for it to be like a window busted by a rock.

You were frustrated with yourself because you couldn't wrap your head around it and let it go. It was all you wanted at the moment, to just accept things as they were and end this pain. But your heart was stubborn like you had never asked it to be. So loyal to that boxy and toothy smile of his. Friday was nearing and your heart could just race anxiously at the reminder of babysitting Sarang. You were nowhere ready to face him again, the part of you who was a coward secretly hoped that Baekhyun would be out by the time you'd arrive so that you could indulge solely in Sarang's warm smile. It'd be just helpful if you could forget his at some point, that would hurt a lot less, wouldn't it?

What hurt even more, was how you knew, that he was clueless about all of this pain he was causing you, and you couldn't put a single blame on him.

It had been you, after all.

***

Friday, a little over 6 pm. Perhaps you had come a bit late on purpose, but you wouldn't admit that to yourself as you stood in right before his front door and swung nervously on the balls of your feet. Conflicted between knocking or just entering casually as you normally would. If you knocked, it wasn't like the little Sarang would be tall enough to open the door, but what if Baekhyun would supposedly still be at home for whatever reason when you went in? That would feel even more awkward and-

Your hand twitched and before you knew it, you had already swung the door open, as if your body was fed up with your overthinking and took matters into its own hands. Quite literally. Well, no turning back now, you encouraged yourself and walked in while muttering a small I'm here. It was odd to not have a bubbly Sarang running with all her might to latch her arms around your legs and give you the happiest greeting. Instead, you were met with deafening silence, though you knew that you weren't alone in the house as it had been unlocked. The more you walked your way inside, the clearer the noise of glasses clinking against each other became. Rounding the corner, you were met with the last thing you had expected to see. A defeated Baekhyun arranging liquors and alcoholic drinks on the table, a few shot glasses stood unused by the bottles and you supposed that he hadn't even gotten started yet. You completely forgot about the worries that had been eating you up just a few seconds ago and walked over to him, grabbing his wrist before he could pour himself the string liquid you knew he couldn't handle.

"What are you doing?" You regretted how accusing your question had come out, but soon your cleared your throat and spoke again, "Why are you here at home, what about Sarang?" This time you spoke softly and allowed your gaze to lock with his confused one that within a matter of seconds filled with realization. A groan left his lips as he buried his face into his palms.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you, I dropped her at my mother's,  you actually didn't need to come." Baekhyun seemed incredibly apologetic and regretful as he explained himself, but you couldn't bring yourself to concentrate on those emotions when his droopy orbs were swirling with something far more sorrowful. His eyes were dark, and deep like oceans and anyone else wouldn't have been able to read him at this moment. But you had dived into those eyes of his so many times before, you knew better than to believe that those lines of lack of sleep tracing his features were merely because of his exhausting job. Worry crawled into you and you took a seat in front of him, hesitantly brushing your fingertips against his only to feel the urge to flinch because they weren't as warm as they'd usually be when holding onto you.

"Baekhyun, what's wrong?" The question on its own managed to crack the facade he often wore to not worry anyone around him and to make himself believe he was fine when in reality he was anything but that. His eyebrows bent in sorrow and his eyes turned ever so slightly glossy, making a lump grow in your throat.

"I messed up," He confessed under his breath, his whisper breaking in the middle of his sentence. Baekhyun's hands were frustrated as they gripped at his hair, pulling slightly as he puffed out a desperate breath. "It's over. " A small tear escaped his eye and he growled frustratedly, drying it harshly.  "As soon as she knew about Sarang she cut the ties. What am I going to do at this point?!" He was on the verge of shouting, "I am not good enough for anyone, I'm so fucking done." You could see his adam's apple bobbing, reasonably attempting to swallow down the sob threatening to spill from his lips because he didn't need another person to witness him being weak for the millionth time.  

No, please, don't ever say that. You wanted to tell him so bad, but you were such a coward, it was like your lips were sealed. When another tear traveled down his cheek, you finally found it in yourself to scramble out of your seat and sit next to him instead, taking his face into your trembling hands and shaking your head with disagreement.

"That is so not true, Baekhyun." You murmured brokenly. The fact that he would even for a second believe such a lie made you want to burst into tears. He was so beautiful, he was anything that someone could want in a person and more. It was so unfair that he didn't know. Baekhyun's expression was indecipherable even to you as he stared into your eyes with such seriousness, eventually tracing your features and you could feel his eyes dance all over your face.

Baekhyun cleared his throat after what seemed to have been five whole minutes, but really, had been a lot less. His hands gently pried yours from his cheeks and placed them back in your lap, eyeing the things he had set on the table before you had come. With a sigh, he uttered:

"Shall we have a couple of drinks?" The question was so out of the blue and yet managed to crack you up, and he smiled slightly too when he saw you doing it. You nodded.

Why not? He wasn't the only emotional one, and you had no idea what would be the outcome if the two of you got drunk together, but at the moment you couldn't care less. It finally felt as if that weight was slowly lifting itself from your chest, so all you could do was continue on this road you had ended upon.

***

Laughter and giggling were filling the once quiet walls of his home, Baekhhyun had just sputtered one of his stupid jokes that really, shouldn't have been as funny as it had seemed now that you were influenced by alcohol. Yet, you found yourself laughing intensely enough to have tears spring in your eyes. The man wore a proud grin on his face upon having you laugh so freely because of something he said. You weren't completely drunk just yet- but tipsy enough to have that warm hue crawl along your face, giving both of you a shy look, but that shy look secretly hid a sudden braveness that only came with the strong drink. One that made you feel the bravest you've ever been, at the same time as an enhanced version of yourself, possibly, a little out of yourself too. But it didn't matter anymore.

Your loud voices eventually died down and Baekhyun leaned his head onto the table when hit by a sudden wave of sleepiness and dizziness. His cheek squashed against its surface and in the process hid his eye as he faced you in his position. He looked at you and you gazed back, leaning onto your palm to take in his every detail, only to feel a sudden sense of unfairness surge within you, anger sparked in your chest as you picked up your beer bottled and swung it in the air while gesticulating.

"I don't understand!" Your loud voice made the sleepy male flinch back awake, he eyed you with big eyes and question marks popping above of his head. "You!" You pointed an accusatory finger in his direction and the confused male winced once again, not knowing what to expect from you, whether he'll feel offended or confused by the possible nonsense about to leave your mouth. But that wasn't really it.

"You're so beautiful." The statement was nothing like what he had expected you to say and the shock was evident on his flushed face. The more you looked at his pink cheeks, the more you wanted to squish his them together and press your lips to his plump ones that currently looked like your favorite lollipop flavor. "And I do not understand how three women in a row rejected all this good that you are! Like can't they see?!" You slurred and pointed at him once more. "

"Byun Baekhyun, if I was them, I would've already been your girlfriend, loving both you and Sarang. They are dumb. They are dumb, you hear me?!" Your voice was slightly high-pitched as you spoke, the words you were uttering were making your heart beat faster because you knew that you were basically confessing, but the sudden braveness was clouding your senses. All you could think about was that you wanted him to know.

"You are perfect- Byun Baekhyun," Your head dropped gently on the table right in front of his and the table felt cool on your cheek which made you feel more awake. Not enough to back away though. "Repeat after me," You ordered, without realizing the meaningful look that Baekhyun was manifesting in his starry eyes while following your every movement.

"I am perfect-" You felt yourself freeze when suddenly consciousness was knocked into you with the simple caress of Baekhyun's strawberry breath on your cheeks. Without a warning, he had scooted closer to you, his hand reached out for your own and thunders seemed to spark from his fingertips as they met yours, gently tracing your palm and intertwining your fingers with his beautiful ones. From a little more than tipsy to completely sober in the span of a few seconds, it was absolutely odd but even so, you couldn't find it in yourself to willingly move away. Because you didn't want to.

Butterflies fluttered in your belly- and the sensation brought you to fear, however,  Baekhyun's familiar scent fell on you like the warmest, most comforting blanket, and you soon forgot about anything that wasn't him. His face from this close was like the most precious treasure, you loved how you could count his lashes from this nearness, being able to see the texture of his skin or stare at your own reflection in his sparkling, adoring mirrors.

As much as those features of his were mesmerizing, nothing could even remotely come close to those pink lips of his that glistened under the dim kitchen lights has he darted a slow, and careful tongue across them, and the action made a foreign heat gather in your core. Unconsciously, your legs pressed together. You wanted them on yours so bad. His breath on your mouth was teasing and making you impatient. Teeth dug into your lip as you held back the urge to close the distance, Baekhyun was just taking his time studying yours as if he had to find the perfect way to kiss them with, eyes hooded with desire. A wave of disappointment washed over you when you felt his hand untangle from yours, but it didn't last long as he soon enough had already cupped your cheek with it. He wasted no time in bringing his thumb to your caged lips and released them from the hold of your teeth, letting them fall apart and vulnerable. They were pulsing eagerly, longing for his to devour them.

His thumb still held the fine edge of your lower lip as he inched closer, expanding it and feeling its soft texture with his pad. You watched his eyelids fall over his orbs as he gently licked the part of your lips that he was pulling and the gasp you let out at the sensation melted on his caressing tongue. His wet pillows stuck to yours like sticky glue as he finally pressed them against yours. A trembling sigh left your lips when you finally got what you wanted. He shifted from the table without parting your lips, keeping you engaged in the hungry kiss. You hadn't even noticed how he had dragged you up to your feet only so that he could press you against the nearest wall and press his scorching body against yours. Baekhyun's teeth dug softly into your lip before soothing it with a suck, later dragging his lips down your jaw, your neck, and painted your skin with his tickling kisses. The heat in your core could only grow as his hands traced every inch of your body, thumbs pushing the fabric of your shirt so that they could draw circles on your hips.

He panted against your collarbone at the pleasant feeling of your lips on his ear and your heart swelled when his arms hugged your waist instead of touching it sensually as he had done a few seconds ago. Without a warning, he kissed you square on the lips once again, but you complied joyfully. "Jump, please," He muffled against your swelling lips, and you did, lacing your legs around his torso. His hand traced the lower part of your thighs, coming to rest on your bum. Although your clothes were separating you, his touch still felt like it burned on your skin. It made you feel alive as it traveled underneath your shirt, spreading on your back. Taking its time to feel every pattern of your flesh, bones. Like you were the most beautiful canvas and his fingers' the brushed itching to paint it.

Everything that was happened felt slow, but at the same time like a blur. Your head was spinning around as you suddenly found yourself in his bedroom, shakily unbuttoning his shirt. Your fingers were trembling uncontrollably, barely pushing the buttons out of the hole. Warmth crept on your cheeks because you were taking so long, but you couldn't help the excitement buzzing so violently through your body. You thought Baekhyun had gotten enough of your incapability when he suddenly grabbed your hands, stopping you from continuing. But Baekhyun had always been full of surprises. Your heart squirmed affectionately when he brought your hands to his face. "It's okay," He had murmured ever so gently as he pressed feathery kisses on your fingertips, lips enveloping your digits.

"I- I'm sorry," You stuttered, completely out of yourself as you resumed unbuttoning, this time successful, "It just feels like I'm unwrapping a gift I've been waiting for my whole life." You admitted quietly, hesitantly placing your hands on his sturdy shoulders, slowly pushing down his shirt, stripping him of it. His body was warm and tense underneath your touch, muscles hard and strong.

A sweet chuckle resonated through the walls and you wished you could've replayed it a thousand times again. The sun had set hours ago, leaving the bright full moon to paint his features in its silver, glittering linings. He looked even more mesmerizing than this morning, he just never stopped growing beautiful.

Baekhyun found it impossible not to kiss your flushed cheeks at your nervous antics. Pressing his forehead against yours, he let your hands go, just so that he could trace his finger along your protruding collarbone, eventually hooking around your spaghetti strap. "Can I?" He asked carefully, and you thought he never would've. You nodded and he wasted no time, face nuzzling into the crook of your neck, he lifted the hem of your shirt. A kiss was pressed to your shoulders before he leaned away so that you could lift your arms, helping him.

"My beautiful," He breathed out at the view of your naked torso, eyes brimming with adoration and affection like you truly were the most wonderful person he had ever seen, "Beautiful darling."

You had no idea how a moment could be such a blur but at the same time feel like the while you've been more alive than ever. From when his hands had explored your naked body, bosom swelling in his tender palms, giving him the chance to feel your beating heart pulsating against his fingers. His lips whispering the sweetest nothing's into your ear as he made sure you knew that you were beautiful. The moment you had been able to do just the same with him, giving him sensations to remember and treasure. Sensations that only you and he could ignite from each other.  Becoming one important thing together, one wonderful thing.

One.

***

It was late in the morning, but you felt like you could sleep for another ten hours. You felt completely exhausted as you stirred awake, stretching your limbs ever so slightly, only to wince at the sore sensation taking place in the lower parts of your body. Of course, you remembered. Although you had been under the influence of alcohol, there would've never been a chance that you would forget such a moment. Hence, you were happy, so happy that you felt tingles crawling through your body, shooting stars flying down your spine. Your whole being was like a starry night as you woke up to Baekhyun eyeing you with those droopy eyelids hooding lazily over his orbs. His arm was hugging your bare waist and he was staying in the position that he had woken up in, that alone should've been to answer your every question, but still, you felt the need to hear it from him. Though, before you could even open your mouth, Baekhyun had already beat you to it.

"I have to apologize."

What? Your heart fell to the pit of your stomach and you felt how the anxiety was crawling at every edge it could grip.

"I, I apologize for making love to you when I wasn't sober- I"

Making love.

Not sex. Love.

"Baekhyun. I love you." It was like his voice had been sucked back into his throat as you interrupted him with the words.  "Do you regret what we did?" You continued, and Baekhyun looked taken aback, to say the least, but he recovered quickly and shook his head with a soft smile blossoming on his lips.

"As I was saying, " He chuckled, "It's hard for me to wrap my head around the way everything happened. But I don't regret a single thing I said, neither anything I did." What he was saying settled a blissful relief in your chest and your eyes couldn't find something to settle on his beautiful face. Whether to gaze into his endless oceans or watch his swollen lips speak, or maybe the tiny moles scattered all over his face.

"I've been feeling it for a while. That I was just fooling myself, and those women I went out with. Because as amazing as they were, I realized that there isn't anyone else I'd like to spend my days apart from you." Honey dripped from his lips, indeed his words were too sweet, but they were directed towards you, and that solely felt like you were stepping onto could nine.

"Nobody knows me like you do," He murmured as he pressed a palm to your flushed cheek, the pad of his thumb drawing lazy circles on it. "Nobody loves Sarang like you do,"

"How could there ever be someone else when you're here, loving everything I am including my flaws, probably knowing me better than I do myself." He chuckled with disbelief as if he couldn't believe that he had actually tried to chase other women when the only one for him had been next to him all along.

"And as I've realized that I...That I love you, I won't apologize that our first time wasn't when I was completely aware and sober." Baekhyun pleaded for forgiveness, shifting so that he could hover over you, the blanket slipped down his naked body, exposing him slightly. But the truth was that you weren't angry at all.

"And I hope you'll let me do it again, but this time I'll do it right." He dipped his head down to murmur against your lips.

"Will you let me?" His hand had caressed along the lines of your body, fingers gently prying the cover from your bodies. In his eyes shone so much love, so much desire to show it all to you, how much you meant to him.

"You don't have to ask," You replied sweetly, already welcoming the petals dancing in your tummy, loving the traces of warmth his hands left on you, how he took his time to explore every inch of you so that he could know you like no one else did. So that he could love you like no one else did.

"Daddy!!!" Sarang's high pitched giggle cut through the thick tension that had built up between the two of you, prompting Baekhyun to look down at you with a terrified expression taking over his face.

"Daddy I'm home! Let's play!"

"You should go," You teased while laughing at him, to which he gave you a playful glare, a bit disappointed to postpone things.

"Daadddyyyy! Are you hiding?" Sarang insisted from wherever she was wandering, and you couldn't help but think to yourself, that you were ready. Ready to indulge into this relationship, ready to take Sarang in your arms as if she was your family. You were ready to face it all.

A sudden affectionate swelling took place in your heart and you couldn't stop yourself when you grabbed Baekhyun's cheeks in your hands and pulled him down for a gentle, lingering kiss.

"You should go before she sees us like this." You ushered him to hurry and he nodded in agreement, stealing another set of eager kisses. "Will do, my love" He whispered in your ear teasingly before rolling over the other side and getting ready to greet his impatient daughter.

It felt like it was only you and me in the world.

I fell in love with your smile. After that, I just love everything about you.

I think of you every day,

Stupid in love.

Fin.

***

A/N

Phew! That was one long ride! I think this is the longest one shot I have ever written and it's currently almost 2am and all I want to do is post this quickly aaah >< I deeply apologize for all the mistakes you might find in here! I will do editing after posting.

I truly thank you all for sticking with me through this whole one shot! I am so thankful that you gave this your precious time and I hope it was worth the wait! I really invite you to express yourselves and tell me what you think of it. Comments and feedback are so motivating to me and I'd deeply appreciate it if you did.  As always, I send you all of my love and hugs, I love you all and please stay safe and clean your pretty hands! You are all precious, little flowers 💕🥰💖💌

P.S.

The ending was so damn hard to write and my brain Is fizzling right now haha, I hope it isn't as bad as it seems to me right now.  I might change it bit as well, just because I don't feel completely happy with it, but I really wanted to post this also.

Alright! That was all from me! Be kind to yourselves and spread love! Much love, P.💖💕

Tag list:

@bbyunz​ @soos-goddess​ @byunfirstlady​ @baekklove​ @christiandosworld​ @sunbyun21​ @milky-baek​ @changshapatrol​ @lalalala-lav​ 

[madamewriterofwrongs]

Missed High Five

911/Buddie

For @buckleysjareau who asked for Buck giving Eddie flirting lessons <3

If he was going to blame anyone, he would blame Chimney. No, he would blame himself for listening to Chimney. What did he know about dating anyways? Sure, he and Maddie had been through hell and were still going on dates and discovering things they loved about each other and seemed to be genuinely happy together. But that was a fluke, obviously.

Just ask them out. The worst they can do is say ‘no’ and then you can move on.

Horrible advice. In point of fact, the worst thing they could do was not ‘say no’. They could laugh in their face; they could say yes to avoid conflict; they could ask for a transfer and they’d never see each other again.

Maybe Chimney’s advice would be different if he knew that he was telling him to ask out a coworker.

Either way, it was definitely Chimney’s fault, and not the extra shot he’d done at the bar while they were all out celebrating Albert’s birthday.

“It’s weird, right?” Hen tucked into his side as he lounged at the edge of the party. “Not knowing any of Albert’s friends?”

Eddie shrugged to avoid admitting that he was incredibly uncomfortable. “That seems to be the way with us, though. Any excuse to get together.” He took another swig of beer, eye catching sight of the object of his interest dancing with a few of Albert’s coworkers. “Or maybe it’s just weird because we’re making it weird.”

Hen followed his line of sight, chuckling when she found Buck twirling a young woman who was clearly starstruck by the older man.

“More like we have the common sense to know when the age gap is too wide.”

Just ask them out.

Chugging the last of his bottle with an audible gulp, Eddie kept his eyes squarely on his target as he slammed the glass on the bar behind him. “Then I guess I’d better go save him.”

Eddie hated the dance floor; there was a reason he’d been avoiding it all night. It was overwhelmingly hot and crowded and too loud to hear anything beyond the pounding of the bass under their feet. He’d never held much love for clubbing in his twenties and he certainly held no affection for it now. He was here to celebrate the birth of a mutual acquaintance and save his best friend from embarrassing himself from being too nice to realize when he was being hit on.

How the mighty have fallen, Chimney had teased him the first time the waitress at their usual place pouted over not getting his number. Buck hadn’t even noticed that she was dropping obvious hints about what time she got off work and whether his apartment was close by. He’d just answered her questions respectfully, turning back to his conversation with the table until Chimney had finally slapped him upside the head for being so oblivious.

None of us what Playgirl Buck to make a reappearance but that was just pathetic.

Eddie had never seen the so-called ‘Buck 1.0’, only the lovelorn 2.0 who’d lost his girlfriend long before he realized, and struggled to find solid ground in the midst of rediscovering his priorities. He liked that Buck – there was a reason they’d become such fast friends – but even he had to admit that the man had lost his game.

“Eddie!” He couldn’t help the fond smile that crossed his face when his friend shouted his name over the thrumming music. “Come join the land of the living.”

“Actually, I came to drag you back to the land of the dead. We’re taking Christopher to the zoo in the morning, remember?” Buck seemed to miss the way the woman he was dancing with instinctually stepped away at the mention of the little boy. Eddie did not.

“Fine,” the blond sighed, though his face showed no signs of being put out. That was something that Eddie had admired in his friend from the very beginning: his unabashed love for Christopher. That kid was possibly the most loveable creature on the planet but the way Buck cared for him was a beacon in the darkness of space. “I’ll just say ‘bye’ to Albert.” With that, he’d disappeared into the crowd, leaving Eddie surrounding by sweaty, noisy, thrumming twenty-somethings, without anyone to save him.

Okay, so the music wasn’t that bad. And the crowds – while plentiful – were keeping a respectful distance (he wasn’t getting jostled about, nor was he being judged for using the word ‘jostled’). In fact, it had a pretty good beat to it. He could probably find the rhythm and dance to it, if he wanted to. It wasn’t awful in here after all.

The hand between his shoulder blades made him jump. “Ready to go?” Oh, thank goodness.

With one last wave to his fellow old fogeys at the bar, he followed Buck out of the crowd and into the cool night air.

It was always cooler outside than in some noisy club but in point of fact, it was a warm California summer, dulled by the lights of the city which overtook the starless black sky. Nevertheless, Eddie found himself drawn to Buck for warmth (or so he convinced himself). It had nothing to do with the comfort and ease he felt with the other man, content at his side in a way he never realized he could feel with another person.

He’d accepted some time ago, that he was ready to begin dating again. Life after Shannon was still boiling over with guilt and loss, but he had started to wonder – thanks to some helpful sessions with his work-mandated therapist – that sharing that grief with another person would help the healing process. So, he’d begun to look at the world with fresh eyes; almost immediately, those eyes had fallen on his best friend. The man who’d been by his side since their first meeting, protecting his son, comforting him through unspeakable loss, leaving (as they always did) but coming back.

He couldn’t quite put a word to how he felt for Buck, but if there was going to be a reason to reenter the dating pool, it would be to figure out what that word was.

So, yes, he may have found comfort in leaning against Buck’s side long ago, but he was now acutely aware of how often he did it, and how much he enjoyed it. It wouldn’t be a grand feat to place his arm around the other man’s waist, or let Buck put his hand on his shoulder. In fact, he found the urge to pull himself closer grew stronger the more he let his mind wander.

There were just one or two things he had to get out in the open, first.

“Hey, Buck” he spoke as casually as a man with a singular focus could speak. “If I wanted to ask someone out, what do you think is the best way to do it?”

Eddie tripped over his feet when Buck stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face his friend with laser-focused intensity. There was something etched there – concern? Jealousy (he wouldn’t dare to think)? Excitement?

“You got someone in mind?”

He couldn’t know, could he? Was he so obvious that one question revealed his secret? It was better to test the waters first.

“I do, actually. It’s a coworker; a friend.”

Buck hissed in discomfort, shoving his hands into his pockets with enthusiasm. “That’s tricky. Trust me when I say that sleeping with your coworkers is dangerous.” His shocked expression must have been as evident as his longing, because Buck chuckled a moment later. “Not at the 118. It was before I moved to LA and definitely a mistake.”

It was not as reassuring as Buck seemed to think it would be.

“So you don’t think I should go for it?”

“I didn’t say that, just” Even his non-committal shrug was cute. Eddie was doomed. “Be careful, I guess.”

What was he supposed to do, now? How could he test the waters knowing Buck was hesitant to dip his toe in? Perhaps he should just abort the whole mission and go back to caring too deeply for a man who’d come to mean the world to him.

He couldn’t blame Evan Buckley for turning him into a sap, but his presence in his life certainly hadn’t helped his natural inclinations.

“So…” Eddie startled when Buck bumped his shoulder. They’d been walking towards his truck – parked far enough away from the bar that he’d briefly contemplated just walking from home – for a few minutes while he lost himself contemplating whether or not to follow Chimney’s advice and just ask him out, already.

“So what?”

“Do I know this person you want to ask out?”

He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to find out if the rumors of an entrance to Hell in Pasadena were true.

“Yeah, actually, pretty well.”

“So it’s someone we work with.” Buck bounced along the sidewalk, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Interesting. What’s your game plan?”

He was wrong; this was hell. This moment, walking beside his best friend on a random Saturday evening, was the definition of hell.

“I don’t really have a plan” he admitted, realizing in that moment, how close it was to the truth. Alarm bells began to chime with a reminder that this was a bad idea. Yet, still, he persisted.

“Then you’re in luck because I am here to help.”

“I’m sorry, when was the last time you went on a date?”

Buck made a disgruntled face, hidden by his smile, the way he did whenever Eddie teased him. He’d long ago catalogued the way his facial expressions changed depending on which of their friends was doing the teasing. This look was his one of his favourites.

“It’s been a while” thirteen months and nineteen days (not that Eddie was counting) “but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I think that’s exactly what it means.”

“Look, do you want my help or not?”

More warning bells clattered through his, admittedly, less fuzzy brain, but for some reason – which, to this day, he still isn’t sure of the reason – Eddie ignored them.

“Fine. What’d you got?”

The man punched his hand in excitement, fairly skipping down the street now; eyes aglow with enthusiasm (or perhaps it was just the smog).

“Okay, so, first of all: do you know if they’re interested?”

If that wasn’t that the million-dollar question on Eddie’s mind. “I’m not sure. I know they’re open to the possibility of dating, but they haven’t made any signal that they’re interested in me specifically.”

“That’s okay. Now you just have to woo them.”

He hadn’t meant to laugh so loudly, but it was impossible to know what Buck would say next on any given day; and tonight was no exception.

“Woo?”

“Yeah,” The firefighter plowed on with his usual fervor. “you know: you spend time with them, give them gifts, take any opportunity you can to touch them.”

“Touch them, how?”

They hadn’t stopped walking, but Eddie found himself dizzy from the realization of how slowly they were moving – how close they were. They were always comfortable standing shoulder to shoulder but suddenly, it was too much and not enough. The space under his collarbones grew incredibly hot.

“Just little things.” Buck bumped his friend’s shoulder with more purpose, rubbing the fabric of their shirts together. “A shoulder touch, a hand on the small of the back,” he demonstrated with a move that startled Eddie with its certainty. “Any chance you get, create a physical connection.”

They’d all but stopped walking now, Buck’s hand cupping his back, his own traitorous limbs reaching out to hook into his friend’s jeans. If he pulled hard enough, maybe he could make Buck gasp the way he did in his head when they-

Buck seemed completely oblivious to the stretch of rope between them; anticipation pulled taut. His smile was as calm and eager as ever, so proud that Eddie was a hands-on learner.

If only he knew how hands-on.

“Does it work?” Eddie found himself hoping for a very specific answer that he wouldn’t dare spell out, even in his mind.

“It always works for me.”

The pair hadn’t separated, though the moment was long past over. Yet, Buck still smiled, unaware of how close he was to everything changing.

That was the chink in his normally confident armor. He wasn’t worried that Buck would hurt him, or that they would lose their friendship if things went south – he wasn’t even concerned with how their work dynamic might be altered by the addition of a more personal relationship in a high stress job. It was that things would change; things, which he’d only barely gotten a handle on. Sharing a bed, sharing aspects of his private life, trusting and opening up more than he already had with Buck. And it would all happen at once. He hadn’t been a wonderful partner the first time around; there was no guarantee he’d get it right now.

When did Eddie start thinking of Buck on par with Shannon?

“So” he cleared his throat but hadn’t found the courage to let go of Buck’s belt loop (nor had Buck removed his hand from the small of his back). “spend time, give gifts, and touch them. Then what?”

“If they’re receptive to all your advances, then you just have to go for it.” Buck nodded unhelpfully. “Ask them out.”

“Why is that everyone’s advice?” Eddie grumbled to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He was doomed. “So when you say ‘spend time together’, do you mean like how we’re taking Christopher to the zoo tomorrow?”

The way Buck tilted his head in contemplation shouldn’t have been as endearing as he found it, but at that point, there was nothing to do but admit that he was a goner for everything that man did.

“Yeah; or how I let you drag me to baseball games.”

“I don’t drag you” Eddie lied.

“I’m not going for the overpriced beer and popcorn.” It was an admission that gripped his heart with something akin to hope.

“And giving gifts. Like that skateboard you found for Christopher?”

“That was mostly for Christopher” Buck conceded, still only a tantalizing breath away and none the wiser. “But yeah. Or when you fixed my bike on your day off. It’s the little things that mean the most, right?”

He hadn’t spent two hours learning how to repair Buck’s broken line in order to see the smile on his face, but the hug he received was well worth the blood, sweat, and swearing.

“And touching?”

He was a fool for asking but he was worse for wishing he didn’t have to. For wanting to have the power to kiss and press and hold whenever he wanted without having to go through the stress of risking his heart.

The worst was wondering if Buck looked down at his lips intentionally or if it was a simple reflex.

“Touch can be as simple as brushing shoulders.” He half-expected the man to demonstrate the way they had been for so many months, but his fingers curled against the fabric of Eddie’s sweater as if willing himself not to. “Or it can be a welcome hug, sitting next to them when there’s space to be apart.” He didn’t need to catalogue the library of examples he had because each touch had been seared into his skin since he realized it was an option. Standing this close, Eddie was certain he could see the same memories flashing through Buck’s eyes, the warmth of their breaths mingling together like smoke in the breeze.

It would be so simple now: reach out and steal that first kiss he’d been craving all night. And it would taste sweet. Buck was always going to taste sweet but he’d also tried some artsy blueberry ale and the scent of it still lingered. He could close his eyes and pretend they’d always been kissing; pull him close and never let go.

But he’d never steal their first moment together. It was meant to be shared, to enjoyed equally and with the same longing enthusiasm; he needed to take the plunge first.

“And then you ask them out?”

“Exactly.” Buck, endearingly oblivious Buck, smiled proudly at his protegee and tilted his head away, still not leaving the safety of their bubbly but no longer engaged in their battle of wills that he didn’t realize he’d won.

How was Eddie meant to resist?

“Go out with me?”

“Just like that. I doubt they’ll say no.”

Eddie’s stomach dropped to the ground and rolled into on-coming traffic. “Is that a ‘yes’?”

Buck furrowed his brow in confusion. “Yes, that was a straightforward way of asking someone out.”

There were many times in his career as a firefighter that Eddie had to control his expression for the unbelievable things people said to him on a call – some were awful, some where hilarious, others were just ridiculous – and he was quite proud of his ability to school his features in the face of adversity. He was never prepared to use that super power while off the clock.

“Are you serious?” He gaped at Buck with pure confusion and disbelief – and no short measure of disappointment. “Is this your way of turning me down or did you really not know?” He couldn’t decide which was worse – yes, he could, but he was still fighting his traitorous heart beating out of his chest at the realization of what he was about to reveal.

“Not know what?” It genuinely was so innocent.

With his last ounce of will power, Eddie released his friend’s belt loops and guided him backwards. Cold air hit his chest and he was reminded of how exposed they were in this moment – not only from the elements but from his heart, as cliché as it was. Buck seemed reluctant to release the grip on Eddie’s now-rumpled shirt but he did it, and the space became even greater as he mourned the loss of being completely surrounded.

He needed the room to offer his heart.

“Buck, I was trying to ask you out.”

Silence; the passage of time marked only by the widening of his friend’s eyes.

“Oh.” Realization. “Oh.” Comprehension.”

His heart crumbled. “Yeah. But, I understand that you’re not inter”

“I am.” The panic was surprising but the sincerity knocked him off-center. “I definitely am.” With every rambled word, Eddie was forced to lean back from the sheer gravity of Buck’s energy. “I had hoped and then I had stopped hoping and then you wanted advice and I thought I’d missed my chance and then I got so caught up I thought I was misinterpreting everything and I didn’t want to assume but I also really, like, being close to you, Eddie and if this was my only chance then I was going to take it but it seems like it might not be my only chance unless I’ve completely blown my shot which I might have because I don’t think I’ve ever rambled this much – why can’t I stop talking, Eddie, I’m never like this, I promise – I think I’m realizing in real-time just how much I screwed up what is probably the best thing in my life”

“You didn’t screw up anything.” The urge to laugh at the breathless man before him was smothered by throwing both hands over Buck’s mouth. “You didn’t screw up a damn thing. Though the rambling is new.” He allowed a chuckle to escape and it seemed to ease the tension in his friend’s shoulders. Everything fell silent again as Eddie stared into those bright blue eyes filled with what he finally recognized as the same hope he’d been carrying around.

“Go out with me, Buck?”

Without missing a beat, the other man nodded vigorously beneath Eddie’s hands, feeling the smile stretch wide.

“Good. I’m glad.”

A warm hand circled his, gently pulling his hand away from Buck’s mouth but never straying far from his face; the smile had turned a familiar shade of cocky and cute – though the latter was a newer realization.

“So I guess my technique worked, huh?”

Eddie gaped in some horrible mix between genuine offence and pure joy. The little-how could he-did he think-why would he-he’s trying to-

“Shut up” he floundered, using their joined hands to push Buck’s chest away, though the other man never released his grip and with a simple tug, he found himself back in their familiar bubble. Not safe from the cruel reality, but secure in their new truth and warmed by hope.

“Make me.”

He had every intention of doing just that.