#I guess I feel weird telling someone how I feel in person because of horrible experiences with my mom

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

I remember the first and only time I went to therapy, I almost cried in front of the lady who I was talking to. It wasn't once, it was probably 3 times I almost cried. I talked about some more...uh not very good thoughts and just how much shit I had gone through and still am. And I seriously wanted to tell her more, but I was scared I was gonna start tearing up again or I dunno, she'd tell my mom.

I want to go back to therapy, maybe get some sort of help with my issues instead of putting it on Tumblr or writing it in my journal. I just don't wanna keep in my emotions in too much that I just burst and snap at anyone and everyone. I get too emotional, though. It's why I like writing things I feel or think. Because if I start crying, nobody would have to hear me cry and blabber out my words through hiccups.

[werecreature-addicted]

Ok I’ve seen some art that I have for my idea of my mateeee

So the year is like 2046 or something, and robots are everywhere, but everyone treats robots like slaves and horribly. But you’ve always been nice to robots, this one robot took notice at work (a work assistant robot)

And it would stalk you,

Always assist you,

And unknowingly get knowingly flirt with you.

And it would go against its own code just to do what it wants with you,

YANDERE PLEASE, AND NSFW

they are 6’9

Good lord he's horrific <3

CW: Dubious consent.

----

You didn’t understand how people could be mean to robots. Sure they weren’t human- but I mean. They were close, right? You had no idea how some people could say please and thank you to you but would sneer and mock your robot coworkers. And that’s what they were, coworkers, not “assistant droids”. Anytime one of the droids reaches something off a top shelf for you or brings you a cup of coffee you’re sure to smile politely and thank them. 

This behavior gets you a lot of attention. Not only from your human counterparts but the robotic ones as well- or at least. One robotic one. You sound crazy trying to describe it to anyone else- your personal assistant droid is too attached to you? He’s too eager to help? That’s what they do, they’re supposed to be there for you, what are you complaining about?

But there's something different about this one. The way he follows you with his eyes, it raises the hair on the back of your neck. And the way he literally follows you- he needs to be told multiple times he can’t go with you into the bathroom and- no just because you’re taking work home doesn’t mean he can go home with you too. They aren’t supposed to leave the office building but sometimes he still does, even if you don’t notice. And then there’s the touching. It’s subtle, innocent. When he brushes his metallic fingers over your forearm.

You’ve never though of robots as “creepy” before but, you sort of get it now, he’s tall, almost seven feet in height, and impossibly strong. Robots aren’t supposed to be able to hurt humans, but if he some how broke through that restriction in his coding… it would be so easy. 

Still. You do your best to be polite, and kind even to the Andriod that sets you on edge, and just try and get work done. But your performance starts slipping. It’s hard to focus on your job when you always have to keep looking over your shoulder. You end up spending staying late at the office more and more often. 

It’s weird working late in an office staffed by Robots, it’s not empty, but it’s quiet. They don’t talk when there are no humans around. Accept, of course, for your Assistant Droid. 

He stands in the corner of your office and stares at you. Most robots stare off into space when they aren’t in operation, but this one specifically always looks at you. 

“You seem stressed,” and the sound of his metallic voice almost makes you jump out of your chair. You want to tell him you are stressed- and that it’s his fault. You can’t focus on your reports when you can feel someone watching you. But you don’t  

“I guess so. These late nights are starting to get to me,” you admit. 

“Let me help,” it wasn’t a request but a demand. He was already standing up, and moving soundlessly to your side. 

Before you can say anything, he’s rubbing your shoulders. his hands feel… weird, not bad just… not human. 

“You’re still so tense… let me take care of you,”

“You don’t need to”

“It’s my purpose. Let me,” he insists and starts running his hands down your body. You protest weakly, but he ignores you… which he isn’t supposed to be able to do. You’re frozen as he trails his large metal hands up your legs, he’s no longer pretending to massage you and just blatantly groping. 

“You feel so soft,” he praises as he pushes your skirt up over your hips. “Let me make you feel good,” again, it’s not a request, you know some Robots are built to facilitate pleasure, and that they’re made with genitals, but would this one? This robot was an assistant. 

But he doesn’t need a cock to make you feel good, in the same way, he doesn’t need a heart to love you. He pushes his fingers inside of you and doesn’t stop hammering away at your cunt until you’re gushing around his hand. 

“Such a good girl, cumming just like I wanted you to… there, now you’re less stressed, didn’t that help?” he’s looking for praise. 

“W-we can’t do that again, I could be fired if I got caught- in the office,” really you feel guilty that you let a robot finger you at work… not that you let him touch you. He pulls back and nods. 

“Understood. Next time I’ll be sure to be somewhere private when I take you,”

[lempeeartz]

Tell me - BKDK oneshot

(spoilers for recent manga stuff btw)

~

Izuku let out a weary sigh as the last of his students left the classroom, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It was finally the end of the day.

He stood behind the lectern, head now in his hands as he recalled a conversation from three days before.

—

“It hurts to stay and I'm sorry I couldn't be the one you wanted.”

“I'm really sorry—“

“Bye, Izuku.”

—

Izuku still felt so terrible for what happened. It was such a messy situation, and he felt so guilty. His partner had broken up with him and he hadn't been able to not think about it.

He hadn't really been sleeping either, and being a teacher now on top of everything was so stressful. He was always busy. Being tired wasn't an option, but he didn't have much of a choice.

Izuku was a horrible person.

What kind of guy gets into a relationship when he has feelings for someone else?

He's so stupid. Of course things would've ended up this way. And the thing keeping him up at night wasn't even the breakup. He didn't really care that his partner was gone. He just felt bad for being a dick, but he didn't miss them. Not really anyway.

Izuku stared around the empty classroom.

Ugh, he needed to focus on other things. He should probably be on his way home.

“You okay, nerd?”

“Kacchan!”

The sudden voice made Izuku jump out of his skin. He caught some papers that almost hit the floor and gently placed them back on the lectern. “I hadn't, um, expected you!”

Katsuki raised his eyebrow, clearly now suspecting something. “I was in the neighborhood, figured I'd stop by.”

“Of course! Right..” Izuku watched the other in the doorway. Katsuki was in his hero costume, presumably because his shift was soon. Why was he here again??

Katsuki strolled into the room “What's got your panties in a twist? You're so skittish and weird. Or, you know what, that definitely sounds normal, nevermind.”

“Yes, how original, Kacchan.” Izuku deadpanned.

Rolling his eyes, Katsuki leaned against the lectern. “Spit it out. Something is obviously up with you.”

Katsuki waited for a few moments before Izuku reluctantly sighed.

“I kind of got.. broken up with.”

The blonde’s expression faded into a softer concern. “Oh.. Damn. Sorry to hear that.”

Izuku waved his hands around, “No, no, I'm fine. Really! Don't get all sappy on me, haha.”

“I ain't being sappy, I'm just saying that sucks. Being dumped and all. Been there.”

Katsuki had said it so nonchalantly but Izuku’s ears perked up instantly.

“Wait what?? YOU were dumped???”

“Shit, wait–”

“I didn't know you were dumped! How did it happen? When did it happen? Why didn't you tell me? Kacchan–”

“If you shut your trap, maybe I'll tell you.”

Izuku's voice immediately cut off as his eyes widened in suspense.

Sighing heavily, Katsuki gruffly said, “I had a small thing in our last year of UA. It was brief. That's why you didn't know about it. It was really nothing.” He crossed his arms, not really making eye contact.

“But it sounds like you got broken up with– did it hurt?”

“Nah, it wasn't really serious. I'm fine, though. It's been a while.”

Izuku didn't want to pry more, because it felt so insensitive but.. it was a while ago. “Um, who was it?”

“Nosy little fuck, aren't you?”

“It's been a few years! I figured it was fine to ask!”

Katsuki smiled amusingly, “Fine. It was mind freak.”

“SHINSO???”

“JESUS– WHY DON'T YOU SCREAM IT LOUDER?”

Izuku clasped a hand over his mouth, muffling his apology before whispering, “Shinso?? That's random, isn't it?”

“Eh,” Shrugging his shoulders, Katsuki added, “I kinda just wanted to see what it was like dating a guy. I guess I kinda used him. Not for anything physical, though, I ain't a fucking asshole.”

“I see..”

Izuku was surprised by who Katsuki picked. Shinso’s, like, the furthest thing from who he could've imagined. Maybe it kind of makes sense though.. huh. Wait–

“You're into guys?”

Tilting his head towards Izuku, Katsuki observed him carefully before responding. “Yeah. I am.”

Izuku looked away from Katsuki’s intense gaze, “Oh. Um, same.”

There were a few quiet moments before Katsuki broke the silence.

“Yeah, you look gay.”

“Alright, that's enough of that.” Izuku rolled his eyes and got his belongings together. “Shouldn't you be going on your shift now?”

“I have some time left.”

Izuku glanced up at Katsuki’s teasing smirk and felt his heart speed up. He quickly averted his gaze. “Uh, I should probably be on my way, though. Gotta catch the train, right?”

Making his way around Katsuki, Izuku began to walk towards the doorway, turning slightly to wave goodbye at him.

Before he could make it down the corridor, though, Izuku heard Katsuki call him from a few ways behind.

“Hold up!”

Pausing, Izuku turned, “Hm? Kacchan, what's up?”

Coming to a stop, Katsuki scratched the back of his neck, “I just wanted to ask if you've been eating. You know, since the break up and all that.”

“Oh! Uh, occasionally? I've been a bit too busy to really cook or anything..”

“Geez, why do you suck at even taking care of yourself? You're a mess.”

“Wow, thanks? Sorry we're not all perfect like you, Kacchan.”

“Seriously, don't skip meals. I get that you're ‘fine’ but that's insane.”

“Did you just come down here to lecture me? Honestly, when you act like this it makes me wonder why I even like–” Izuku stumbled over his words when he realized what he was about to say, “Um like, you know?”

Wow, nice save.

“Like what?”

Izuku could feel his face reddening with every second that passed. “Like? I didn't say like, I said… Mike.”

Narrowing his eyes, Katsuki clicked his tongue. “Mike. Really?”

Izuku scoffed, “Yes, really.”

Katsuki moved closer, closing the gap between them. “Bullshit. You're a terrible liar, Izuku.”

“K-Kacchan..” He gulped lamely, “You're a bit close.” Izuku could feel Katsuki’s breath against his face, he was way too close..

“Am I? Guess you'll have to tell me what you were really gonna say to get me to back off.”

Izuku’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates at this point. Holy shit was this really happening??

“I… might've said that I can't believe I like.. you. Like, like you. Like, I really, really like you. Like, I like like you. I should probably stop saying like now–”

Before Izuku knew it, he felt Katsuki’s lips pressed against his own, soft but firm. But just as quick as it happened, it was over.

“That was sort of to shut you up, not gonna lie.”

Izuku snorted, “Yeah I probably needed that..”

Katsuki smiled genuinely as he put his hand on Izuku’s face, feeling the flustered warmth, and then wiping at Izuku’s watery eyes, “Christ, I think I almost killed you.”

The two chuckled as Izuku sniffled, tears now streaming down his face. He'd been going through so many emotions recently that now it was just pouring out of him. His heart throbbed in guilt.

“I just feel so regretful that I didn't tell you sooner. If I had, I wouldn’t have gotten with my partner— ex— in the first place! Maybe I wouldn’t have hurt their feelings.” Izuku hiccuped tearfully.

“Hey, it's gonna be okay.” Katsuki kissed Izuku’s freckled nose. “It would’ve been worse if they stayed with you. They saved their own ass from even more pain. And yeah, you were kinda stupid. But you told me your feelings now, and that's really all that matters, right?.. Then again, I probably should've said something too. Maybe we're both stupid.”

Hugging Katsuki tightly, Izuku let out a watery laugh. He began to feel like maybe things would finally be okay now.

(Little did Izuku know, the next day Katsuki surprised him with his new hero suit and Izuku sobbed up an entire ocean once again)

[chaifootsteps]

It's always surprising to me how many new weird things keep happening around HH and HB. Not weird as in haha weird, but weird as in "What did I just read, and how do I forget it?" weird. In just the last few days we've had:

Someone say that slavery is "barely" used in the hellaverse

Another person downplay the unfortunate history and practice of enslaved children being given as "playmates"

Michael's post talking about how a Valentino cosplayer assaulted (because yes this is full on assault) him at a con

Someone try to shame said assault victim for sharing his experience

A video posted of a NINE!!! year old asking the VAs a very inappropriate question for someone that age at an official panel with who how many people attending (Also can we talk about how terrible this video is for that kid? Because now their face has been posted for so many people to see, and let's be real there are weird people online who will say horrible mean things about them.)

A VA making light of said video and the weird situation, because apparently a grown person asking a weird/fetishy/sexual question to another adult is comparable to a child, who again is NINE, asking something like that

The same VA then deleting said joke and afterwards going "Oh I guess twitter isn't the place to have nuanced conversations"

The same VA then deleting the post made after the weird joke and trying to bury by mass posting about other topics

The new HB episode being teased further

Said episode being delayed

A weird hashtag going around trying to pressure for the release of the new episode

Posting date for episode being announced

There are probably a bunch things that happened that I didn't mention, but it's wild that this happened in just a few days. It's like the hellaverse spreads a toxic around it that both attracts weird things and makes the already present weirdness get weirder.

I think the worst for me was the video thing. It really just showed that even the VAs don't really care if people so young are watching this content. I was so disappointed that the question was even answered. The VA that asked the question was probably just trying to be nice to the kid, but I feel like they could have encouraged for a new question to be asked or just anything. The parent that brought the kid to the panel cannot have their head screwed on right. Why would you let your NINE YEAR OLD child ask a full grown adult a question like that. The dumpster fire that the hellaverse is continues to burn, and I'm gonna keep watching. Just from far far fffaaaarrrr away, like need a telescope distance away.

Didn't I tell you way back that as the normal, reasonable people drifted away, the crazies were going to get louder and worse? Well, here we are.

[cheesysoup-arlo]

Just a Kiss, Right? (pt. 1)

(pt. 2)

Regina helps teach you how to kiss because you like Janis

“Oh my goodness I really like Janis but what if I’m a bad kisser like what if she gives me a chance and-“ your rambling is stopping by Regina putting a finger to your mouth “Y/n calm down, we can just kiss and I’ll tell you how you do” “This isn’t gonna make things weird between us right?” You say cautiously “Y/n, kisses don’t always have to mean you like someone like that, me, Gretch, and Karen practice kissing all the time, I know you like Janis and since you’re my friend I want to help you” Regina says trying to get you to chill out “Well…ok then” you both lean in and kiss it’s nice really nice you both pull away before the kiss can escalate in any way “Wow you’re a really good kisser y/n” Regina says wiping her smeared lipgloss of the bottom of her lip “Oh um thanks” you say blushing a little “um well I’m gonna go thank you so much Regina I really appreciate” you say pulling her in for a hug. “Of course any time, Bye y/n” she says as you leave, Regina calls Gretchen as soon as she hears the front door close down stairs

“Hey G what’s up?” Gretchen answers “Gretchen I have a problem” Regina says a little panicked “Gina what’s the matter? You didn’t kill anybody right?” Gretchen says really concerned do to Regina’s out of character behavior “What? no? I- I think I like…(y/n)” Regina says feeling a little anxious “Oh Gina you can’t like y/n that’s totally against the rules of feminism her and Janis are like practically dating and you just fixed your relationship with Janis you don’t want to ruin it that would be like super bad” Gretchen rambles “I know, can you just come over so I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts thinking about it is stressing me out” Regina says with a sigh “yeah I’ll be over in like 10 ish minutes, k?” Gretchen says grabbing her purse and heading to the door “ok see you soon bye” “bye” Regina hangs up and screams into her pillow “god damn it Regina why are you so stupid” she tells herself

———

‘Oh my god’ you thought ‘I can’t like Regina I like Janis like sooo much shes like the best thing to happen to me…but Regina I don’t know why I’m drawn to her and that kiss definitely meant something to me…what am I going to tell Janis “hey remember your best friend turned enemy turned friend again? Yeah well guess who has a crush on her? Me yup but like also have a crush on you” no that’s dumb’. Your phone buzzed which pulled you out of your thoughts

👾Janis💕: heyyy beautiful I miss you

(Y/N): aw Janis I miss you too

You’re heart was pounding trying to wrap your head around these feelings

———

“Maybe you should talk to Janis about this” Gretchen says earning a shocked look from Regina “look I know you might think it’s a bad idea but I think if you’re honest with her and yourself, you’ll feel better” “Gretch, I mean this in the nicest way possible and you know I’m trying to be nicer but that is a horrible idea” Gretchen sighed “Regina” “ugh fine I’ll talk to her”

Reg👛: hey Janis can we talk

J👾: um sure what’s up? Is this a call or text or in person situation?

Reg👛: um call or in person but if it’s in person you can’t get mad at me

J👾: reg what’s going on?

Reg👛: can you just come over to my house please

Janis was definitely concerned, Regina said please and wants to talk to her. Janis quickly got ready and headed over to Regina’s house on her skateboard

“Ok I’m gonna go call me after you talk to her for a debrief” Gretchen said hugging Regina “I don’t even know what to say” Regina complained “just be honest, you got this Gina” Gretchen says pulling away from the hug “bye Gretch” Regina said with a sigh

———

Shortly after Gretchen left there’s a knock at the front door. Regina heads down stairs and answers it. “Janis, wow you got her fast” “uh yeah hi, what did you want to talk about?” Janis said leaning in her board “oh um right, let um go to my room” Regina said awkwardly, alarming Janis slightly but still following Regina upstairs. The enter Regina’s room and she closes the door. “Ok don’t get mad and don’t freak out, ok?” Regina said hesitantly “ok…?” Janis said confused but wanting to know what Regina has to say “ok so I know (Y/N) likes you and I’m pretty sure you like her too which makes sense but I decided to help her out because she was worried about being a bad kisser and you know I help Gretchen with that all the time but with (Y/N) it felt different my whole body was like tingly in a good way and I think I have a crush on her which is honestly really weird because I haven’t felt like this since- “ Regina paused her rambling and made eye contact with Janis realizing the feelings that she thought were gone flooded back like they never left “since us…?” Janis said “yeah” Regina said softly “so we both like y/n, that’s ok, feelings aren’t something you can control Reg, I’m not mad at you for liking her she’s awesome” Janis said calmly “J I- never mind” Regina said too scared to continue which was weird given her usual confidence “Reg you gotta be completely honest with me for us to work, so what is it talk to me?” Janis said putting a gentle hand on Regina’s knee to show she’s not trying to be threatening “J I think my feelings for you never went away but that doesn’t make sense because how could I like y/n and you, you can only like one person at a time” Regina said starting to be more confused with herself and feelings “that’s actually not true, you can like a lot of people, it’s called being polyamorous, I’m polyamorous” Janis said a little nervous “wait really?” Regina said with a slight head tilt “yeah, also I think I still have feelings for you too which I have definitely been trying to ignore” Janis said looking down at her hands “wait what? Really? Don’t mess with me Janis that’s not funny” Regina said getting defensive “Reg, chill” Janis said putting her hand on Regina’s thigh. Regina’s breath hitched in her throat as she looks down at Janis’ hand then back up at Janis “J, I um” Regina said blushing “oh um sorry I didn’t um” Janis said pulling her hand off of Regina, Regina stopped her and and said “Janis can I um can I kiss you?” Janis nodded starting to lean in for a kiss, Regina connected their lips the same spark Regina felt earlier with y/n was there again but with Janis. They both pulled away “wow” Janis said blushing “you’re good at that” Regina giggled

*buzz* *buzz* Regina’s phone vibrated, it was y/n calling

“It’s y/n” Regina said to Janis “answer it” said Janis “ok” Regina said answering the call

“Hello?” “Hey Gina um can we talk about are um kiss from earlier?” You said worried she be mad about you bringing it up “yeah what’s up?” Regina said “um I think it meant something to me and I’m kind of hoping it meant something to you too? Also I have to be honest I still like Janis so i don’t know I feel really confused” you said freaking out a little “hey y/n” Janis said making you freak out more “JANIS?!?!” “The one and only” you couldn’t see her but you could hear the smirk on her face the way she said it “did you um hear everything I just said?” You said sounding worried “yeah but I also heard Regina have a very similar freak out a few minutes ago so don’t worry” “wait what?” “I like you y/n…and I also like Janis” Regina said “WAIT SO WE ALL LIKE EACH OTHER?” Happy shocked “Yeah” Janis said with a small laugh “um y/n you should come over to my place, Janis is already here and I feel like maybe we should um just like all be together right now you to like figure out what this means for us?” Regina suggested “um yeah absolutely I’ll be there soon” you said putting on your shoes

———

*knock* *knock* “hey y/n” Janis says as she opens the door looking you up and down slowly “h-hi” you said blushing slightly

A/N: does this suck or should I write a part 2?

[onewmin]

so it goes | kim mingyu

Pairing: idol!Kim Mingyu x idol!(implied)fem!reader (but can be gn!reader)

Summary: Perhaps, you shouldn’t be thinking about Mingyu at your friend’s party. Perhaps, you have to stop reminiscing about the night you spent with him. Perhaps, it’s too late for you to fall head over heels for someone. Or maybe, you’re not too old for the sweetest guy you’ve ever met.

Genre: Fluff, suggestive (if you squint), overall, two people are falling in love

Word count: 2184

Warnings: AU (cause in no way I’m saying it’s real), the reader is torn apart, mentions of cheating, slightly suggestive, the reader is older, mentions of social pressure

Author’s note: idk what it is but here we are. it’s pretty short and is mostly focused on the reader (it’s becoming my signature mark I guess lmao). Hope your enjoy it! Tell me what you think <3 p.s. the pictures are taken from Pinterest, so if you know the owners, please let me know so I could credit them! header cr — @/minzvk on Pinterest.

Disclaimer: the names and the appearances of real people are taken for the writing purposes only.

You did something bad. It’s not something illegal that could get you in jail, nor it is anything to be ashamed of. Well, technically, your media persona would be destroyed in an instance if they found out what happened.

As you glide through the chitchat, giving sweet smiles, bowing and trying to hold two drinks in your hands, you look for Jihyo, who seems to be lost in the crowd. It was her party, the celebration of her solo debut, and the club was filled with every other idol possible. The person you did the bad thing with included.

“Ah, there you are'', you panted, shoving a drink in Jihyo’s hands, “it’s impossible to get through here”.

She nodded, taking a sip, and immediately engaged in a conversation with somebody else. No matter how happy and supportive you were of your friend, your mind couldn’t help but wander, couldn’t help but think about the bad deed that happened two days ago. How horribly brainwashed were you to think doing that thing was the end of the world?

Sipping on your drink, your eyes wandered around the room too. Not wearing your contacts was a terrible idea as now you couldn’t recognize anybody unless they were close to you. Or unless they stood right in front of you, waving their hands closely to your face. Perhaps, it was for the best — you wouldn’t be able to see his face as well.

Your phone buzzed in the pocket of your jeans. Reading the message, you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks, as you nervously ran your hand through your hair.

“Can’t stop thinking about you”.

You raised your eyes from your phone screen, turning your head in desperate attempts to find him. To notice him from across the room didn’t even require you squinting your eyes — he was the only person who stared directly, shamelessly. You could swear he smirked when you looked back at him; however, maybe it was your imagination, playing dirty with your already burning mind.

You ran your hands through the hair again, sighing deeply and staring at your screen. Scrolling up your almost one-sided texting with the contact ‘Mingyu’, your brain couldn’t focus on anything but the memories of him from two nights ago.

‘Please don’t ignore me’.

‘Mingyu, we can’t’.

‘Why?’

‘Please answer me. Please’.

‘Just tell me why. Tell me why and I won’t bother u ever again’.

Easier said than done. Why, Mingyu? The answer is both simple and overcomplicated at the same time. Because you were older than him — not too much, he was just three years younger. Three years younger, super popular and way out of your league. That’s what you were confident about; although, Mingyu was absolutely different in his opinions. But just to think about it… You debuted almost twelve years ago, when he was, what? Thirteen? Fourteen? Isn’t it weird?

Only in your head, perhaps.

But in these twelve years you did your absolute best to never be caught in any dating scandals. Even with your ex-boyfriend of nine years, who was an ex-trainee turned into a dancer, you never went public. First because you both were too young, and your agency didn’t allow dating (who listens to them anyway, right?); second — you were too busy with your schedule, singing, blooming acting career and university studies to even consider having a public relationship; and third? Because he didn’t want to. He enjoyed living in comfort of being incognito, of having no responsibilities publicly. He could flirt with girls, get on dating apps, go out with random ladies and eventually, as you found out later, sleep around in your shared bed. In the bed that you bought. In the house that you paid for. Yeah, it was hurtful to catch him red-handed, but hating him helped come through the breakup faster. A year and half with the therapist's help, moving from the house to the apartment, getting a dog and a cat, and gaining new hobbies and friends — yeah, you were much better off without his jealous ass.

To consider dating after him, though? Wasn’t possible. Building up trust from scratch after you’d spent almost a decade with one person wasn’t even on the table. So you thought.

You knew Mingyu long before you changed agencies, almost right from their debut. He never failed to tell you how much of a fan he was, his cheeks turning rosy, while he was fiddling with his fingers. He seemed like a nice, sweet boy. Until a month ago.

“Oh, Mingyu!” Someone exclaimed, pulling you from your ever-wandering thoughts. “Good to see you!”

Oh god, he was right in front of you now. The black baggy T-shirt he wore was probably the exact same one from two nights before. Yeah, it was that tee. Oh shit.

“Mingyu”, you whimpered, back pressed to the wall, as his hands were roaming around your body.

“What, love?” He murmured, leaving open-mouthed kisses on your neck. The unexpected pet name he’d given you sent vibrations down your spine, turning you into a melted vanilla ice-cream under a scorching sun.

“We…can’t”. Your words came out as a whisper when he stopped all of his movements to look at you. His dark chestnut eyes magnificently bewitching — as if he had put a spell on you.

“Why?” He uttered, hands squeezing your waist. “We’re both attracted to each other, why not?”

You sighed, unable to give an answer. Your reasoning seemed to fall down at his feet, as it started to appear stupid at the moment. Who cares if you are three years older? He’s not far behind, a responsible adult, who’s also the most attractive person you’ve ever met. Not to mention he’s super smart, ready to pull up in his car to any place you call him from and makes the best homemade pasta in the world. When he holds your hand, gently rubbing your palm, you could swear it fits his big ones perfectly, and when he puts his arms around your waist, chin resting on your head, the heat of his body warming you in cool late August nights – as if you were born to eventually be loved by him. One night with him, preceded by a couple of months of pining, of watching him dance, talk, laugh, run, smile, blush, run hands through his hair, sheepishly bring you a coffee because he thought of you in the coffee shop… Mingyu drove you home endless times when your car was being repaired, and every time he did, he would walk you right to the door of your apartment, to make sure you got home safely. You couldn’t, you can’t count the moments when you thought of him. Every day. Every night. Every minute of your day, even those you spent in the studio. And when the pining was too much, it resulted in a cheek kiss turned into a heavy breathing and making out against the wall of your living room.

You hand touched his cheek. His eyes were clouded with desire as he observed your every move, leaning into your touch. “No reason”. You didn’t let your doubts take over the moment. Not with him.

And now Mingyu was standing right in front of you, a silver chain on his neck glimmering in the dim light of the club. The thought about this same chain, dangling on his neck and sending shivers all over your body every time it touched your skin when he was kissing you in the dark of your room, seemed to absolutely absorb you. And your shameless staring didn’t escape Mingyu’s attention either.

“You seem busy these days”, he said, obviously hinting at you ignoring his texts. You let out a sigh, not having the slightest idea what response you could give him.

“I have a comeback soon”, you cleared your throat, “so there’s a lot to do”.

He nodded. “Avoiding me included?” That horribly smug smirk made you close your eyes and take a deep breath. He did not just say that here, where multiple people could hear him.

“Let’s not talk about it here”, you leaned in to almost mumble it in his ear. He glanced at your lips, a slight head tilt away from his. It was too late when you realized how close you were, but Mingyu didn’t let you get away easily when he grabbed your hand.

“As you wish”. He almost dragged you from the spot you were hanging around, his hand squeezing yours a bit too hard. You felt as if you were under scrutiny, when every other person in the club was eyeballing the scene that Mingyu created. However, no one seemed to take notice of him taking you out of the club. Hopefully, none of your girlfriends did – otherwise, you’d have to deal with their constant taunting forever. They always joked how you were the ‘least scandalized’ concerning your dating life (and less experienced, as you spent your younger years being practically married to one man). And if they find out about Mingyu? A never-ending saga it would be.

When you were outside, a group of paparazzi almost caught you – or so you thought – but Mingyu was quick enough to move to the opposite direction, where no photographers or strangers could catch you. He took you to the parking lot, right to his car.

The place was empty, not many cars were occupying the parking spaces. At one point, when you observed the area, you dropped his hand. However, it didn’t help: Mingyu took both of your hands in his immediately, gently rubbing your palms once again.

“Did I do something wrong?” He muttered, eyes glued to your hands. An immediate string of pain poked your heart, as you heard his brittle voice. He was too good to make him feel this way.

‘No”, you shook your head, cupping his cheeks and bringing his gaze back to your face, “it’s not about you, Mingyu”.

“Then what’s wrong?” He asked, his hands sweetly squeezing your wrists.

You looked down, unable to meet his eyes. That was so stupid, so… You couldn’t even find the words to describe what you were feeling. No matter how much you liked Mingyu, the thought of public going mad about the two of you dating was eating you from the inside. And the fact that you were slightly older than him… The whole stigma of women being older than their boyfriends was so terribly bizarre, to the point when even your cousin (whose partner was a year younger than her) was dragged by the whole family and called ‘too old’ for him. And you were three years older! What would they do to you? And what’s most important, what would the public do? How horribly would they tear your career apart? And what would they do to him?

“I don’t think..” You stuttered, looking down at your feet, “I don’t think I’m a good match for you”.

“Why would you ever think that?” It was his turn to cup your cheeks now to make you look at him. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted”.

“But the age-“

“Are you, like, what? Eighty?” The corners of your mouth quirked up. “I… I have feelings for you. I like you, I’ve had a crush on you since I first saw you”, he said under his breath, “and I know you feel the same way”.

The eye-contact seemed to be a non-verbal communication for the two of you; otherwise, if your gazes could speak, they would declare love poems for the whole world to hear. You weren’t sure what to respond, because, no matter how much the public opinion had altered so many things about you to fit in their idealistic standards, you, from the moment Mingyu and you got stuck in the elevator several months ago, from the moment you noticed his soft smile, had his silky voice be your shy companion for half an hour — from that moment alone you were mesmerized by him. Captivated. Did it really matter what the public would think?

“I do”. You almost gasped when his eyes lit up at your response. An angelic smile adorned his face, a face so delighted you could swear he had a garland behind him to lighten up the darkness of the night.

“Then let me take you home”, he murmured into your lips, “let me take you home every day”.

How in the world could you say no to him?

So it goes. Him, driving his car, stealing kisses from you at the red light and squeezing your hand in his; and you, catching the glimpse of every little thing he does, just so you can savour these memories when he’s far away. It feels different — to be able to fall in love slowly, feeling his and yours palms sweat whenever you hold hands; to laugh at stupid jokes the two of you make, to cuddle on the couch, while watching TV, to go on picnic dates, to finally be loved. Perhaps, this is everything you ever wanted.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for constantly lying about what languages i can speak?

So I can speak three languages fluently. English obviously being one of them, my mother tongue, and the language i had to learn after migrating quite young.

I can, with absolute confidence, say that the years after migrating were the most horrible years i had to endure. Harrassment, racism, random attacks, being suddenly separated from friends and family and having no control over it, being suddenly thrust into a whole new society completely unknown to me. And if i failed to integrate, consequences would be that my life would be ruined, forever. Quite the burden for a child. Anyways, i managed to get through.

Thing is, because of how well i integrated, i have no friends from and no connections to my native culture, and my native tongue is significantly worse than it used to be. I can only speak in my native tongue when i'm with my immediate family, however, being in college, i get to see them only once a week IF i'm lucky.

Now here's the problem: on campus, there have been quite a number of new immigrant students. Because of my ethnicity and my name, it isn't too hard to guess where i'm from and what i speak. Naturally, a lot of them will come to me asking for help.

Every time, I lie to them, tell them that no, i don't speak that language, i'be forgotten, even though i can (albeit significantly worse than before). I'm tired. I don't wanna be used as a translator anymore. I literally was forced to translate for official paperwork as a kid when i first migrated at the school where i learned the language. And everytime, the immigrant students leave me anyways once they find out i can't be their personal translator, solidifying my belief that these people literally do not care about me at all, they're just here to gain something.

But I can't help but feel guilty. I could help them and i choose not to. I was struggling in the past, and nobody helped me. I wish somebody had helped me. I wish i could be that now for someone else. But I don't.

I wonder why. Avoidance because i'm tired of being used? Internalized racism? Messed up attitude of "well I had to suffer alone so why don't THEY"? Me not feeling connected to my native culture enough? Though i don't feel connected to this new culture either. I'm in weird immigrant purgatory where i've become too foreign for my own native culture but not foreign and integrated enough to be counted as one of the new culture.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[areislol]

i see you.

neteyam x human! reader

ft— neteyam warnings— angst to comfort, heavy on angst, jealousy, characters are aged up to 19, neteyam and reader are best friends but they like each other, long. a/n— title was originally meant to be ‘heart to heart’ but i changed it so yea, hope you guys enjoy this because it’s (i think) my first fic solely based on angst to comfort  :)) synopsis— within all your time with neteyam you’d always forget, or pushed away the thoughts and knowing's that neteyam would leave you for a woman, his (future) mate, so when your friends pushed the idea that he may have already found his mate you find yourself all alone, realizing that the one person you love the most will never be in your grasp, breaks you.

Neteyam. That was the name of the man you oh so loved, the name that would always make you smile, the name that you would often repeat, the man you adored with your whole heart and who you had nothing but affection for. The man who had you swooning over him, the man who always flooded your thoughts with him. Him, him, him. He was your bestfriend, someone you could always talk to when you were feeling down, someone whose shoulder you could cry on, someone who always made you laugh, made you feel comfortable, whose smile never failed to console you or make your knees weak, someone who could always protect you. Neteyam would always be there, when you cried, when you felt sick, when you just didn’t want to go out. He’d cheer you up with horrible jokes, give you actual, good advice. Ene of your favourite things about him is that he always remembers the little things you tell him—god the list could go on and on. You always cherished those moments, wanting to relive every single time you spoke to neteyam, braided his hair, hugged him. There would be times where you thought that maybe, just maybe, he liked you as well. How he, instead of laughing at you when you accidentally fell, brushed the dirt off your face, asking if you were okay and placing his hand on your back to make sure you were stable, or that one time you almost fell off a large log over the lake but he caught you just in time and how his hands never left your arm and waist. Those moments never failed to get your hopes up high, but sooner or later you knew, or realized, that it was just a gesture of kindness. You knew that the na’vi could never date a human, it would be outright.. i guess you could call it, weird, but that didn’t change how your heart felt about him. You loved him with your whole heart, he was the light of your life, he was the missing puzzle piece in your life, he filled your heart. You loved him so much that there would be none left to protest, he always will have a strong grip on your heart, but of course at the end of the day you would never know if he felt the same way towards you. You were different, obviously. You were human, which meant you had different features (that were distinguishable), the na’vi had different beauty standards, different than the human’s. Which meant that most likely, you weren’t attractive to him and would never be. Your heart ached with that awful, gut-wrenching feeling when you considered the possibility that the person you loved the most would never think you attractive. Neteyam himself was handsome, beauty that was out of this world that made many women swoon for him, you see many beautiful, gorgeous na’vi’s giving neteyam sweet smiles, necklaces, anklets and treats, of course this would just be them being kind to the future olo’eyktan, but it wasn’t. Not when they all knew it was time for him to choose a mate. All you ever did was stand there, watching neteyam as he kindly accepted their gifts and smiled in return to which you could always make out a purple-ish hue appearing on their cheeks with a dreamy smile on their face, that same gut wrenching feeling would slowly but surely make its way, making your stomach churn. You were never the one to get too jealous, maybe there and then but not every time you saw a woman look downcast, giggling while placing her hand against neteyam’s chest, talking about whatever they were talking about since you always too busy focusing on her hand placement. Your brows would furrow, a frown creeping its way onto your face without you knowing. Neteyam had a smile on his face as well, you mistake this for a “haha im enjoying this” face, what you don’t catch is how uncomfortable neteyam looked and felt, how he wanted to push the woman’s hand away and hiss while telling her not to touch him, but that would be too harsh and rude for a olo’eyktan. You missed how his eyes hurriedly scanned the area to look for you when you left (feeling saddened), how his face dropped and politely excused himself to go look for you. Every thought you had of neteyam with his (future) mate, every time you talked with neteyam a woman would walk by and give him a small wave and a sweet, sweet smile, too sweet for your liking. You knew that sooner or later it would be time for him, neteyam, to find his mate, but you couldn’t bear the thought, so what did you do? push them aside. All the thoughts and knowing’s were pushed aside, you instead focused on distancing yourself to you-know-who, and it pained you whenever you saw him coincidentally, your heart aches when you always had to turn around and walk away, pretending that you didn’t see him. You knew that there would be no more room for you, no more late night talks, no more talking with neteyam, no more seeing him. You no longer cared about the truth; instead, you distanced yourself from neteyam, you didn’t want him to find his mate, you wanted him, you wanted to spend every second with him, it was selfish and foolish of you, you know. But it can do no wrong can it?

As you make your way to the classroom, you take out your notepad and begin to sketch up the scene in front of you. There were towering, strong, healthy trees everywhere, vines draping from tree to tree, exotic plants and bushes everywhere—there was definitely a lot of green—and you made sure to photograph every little thing you could. After a while of walking, you eventually arrived at your classroom, maybe a few feet away. You stop, hold up your notebook, look at your sketch, and mutter a  "ew," before grabbing your bag and putting it inside. Suddenly, you heard someone running towards you, and before you could look up, you felt and saw a little girl tightly hugging your waist, followed by a few other people rushing to your side and hugging you as well.

When they all pull back you close your bag, they all gave you bright smiles, "well that's one way to welcome me!" you giggle, ruffling the girls hair in a playful manner, “come come!” a girl spoke, looking down you see her yanking your clothes, pointing to the classroom, giving her a nod she holds your hands, "lets go y/n!!" she beamed, giving them a nod they pull you to the classroom, you almost stumbled a few times due to how fast the girl was pulling you but you didn't mind, you never did. When you entered the classroom you saw all your students sitting at their desks, patiently waiting for you. "Good morning children!" you speak while placing your bag on your desk, the children that were by your side now ran to their desks and sat down, eager to learn. "Good morning y/n!" they all yell, upon hearing them greet you back you gave them a bright smile, “hey! you remembered! great job everybody.” The lesson went on as normal, you would give him phrases and words to learn and you would help them pronounce the words correctly, helping them hold their pencils when they forgot or had trouble, giving each student a golden star on a chart, even if they didn’t learn as quick as the others. While on break you sat at your desk, writing down some words that the kids would be learning once the break finished when you heard a knock on the door, placing your pencil down you turn to face the door, “come in!” you yell, once you saw who was at the door you turned back around and continued writing. “What a nice way to welcome me, y/n.” Iönia said sarcastically, walking over to where your desk was and sat on it, her tail whipping some of your paper which resulted in them falling down, “sorry, hello Iönia, what are you doing here?” you sighed, putting your pencil down, picking up the papers before staring up at her, “eh, nothing. Just wanted to see you is all.” they reply, giving you a shrug. Humming you give her a nod, neither you or lönia spoke up, but the silence was then broken after lönia spoke again, “hey i have a question?” she speaks but this time she lowered her voice which intrigued you, nodding she continues, “is there any particular reason why you’ve been..” she pauses. You tilt your head, wondering why she stopped speaking. “Is there any particular reason why you’ve been ignoring neteyam?” lönia continues. Your eyes widen once she finishes her question, you didn’t expect her to notice, or anyone really, but then again, you were always by his side, always talking to him. If you weren’t next to him people would notice, you guess. You’re caught off guard with her question but finally snap out of your trance after hearing lönia repeat your name many times, “y/nnnn? hello?” she questions, waving her hand around in front of your face, pushing her hand away you clear your throat, your head downcast, “no why? i’ve just been busy..” you answer. Lönia gives you a brief hum, waving her hand around as she explains to you how everybody had notice that neteyam has been quite saddened lately, how he looked dissociated without you, more dull, a smile barely even appearing on his face, only giving a faint smile when he has to greet people. Your heart breaks upon hearing this. Neteyam? acting like that because of your actions? at that very moment you detested who you were, you hated what you did. You made the man you loved, hurt. You stayed silent, mouth agape. Lönia stays silent as well, not uttering a word, that is until the says something that makes your heart drop and ache. “Well, who knows? you haven’t talked to him in forever, maybe he moved on, found a mate.” she utters, you quickly looked up at lönia, your face contorted into a look of both shock and sadness, your eyes darting from lönia to her side. “Mate.” that word, that simple yet horrifying word. Mate, mate mate, mate. Neteyam found his mate? the thought of him holding another woman’s hand, smiling ever so tenderly at her made you dizzy.   Lönia placed her hand on your shoulder, gripping onto it which prompted you to focus on her, “y/n, please just,” she sighs before removing her hand from your shoulder, “just talk to him, please? he has been awfully.. what was that word again? depressed was it?”, you give her a small and slow nod. Hopelessly sighing, she said her goodbye’s and left the classroom, you jumped upon hearing the door slam shut. You spend the next few minutes thinking about what she said, about how he may have already found his mate, that you might have to talk to him. Yet again, you knew that you would never see him, talk to him, catch a glimpse of him ever again, if he did find his mate already. Your mind was filled with all the possibilities, what would happen if neteyam found his mate already.. suddenly you heard the children run into the classroom, you could hear the many giggles and laughter coming out of them as they all ran inside the classroom, some still standing and talking to their friends, some already sitting down, waiting for the lesson to begin. Clearing your throat you caught the attention of the students, they all stopped talking and the ones that haven’t sat down, was now. “Everybody, lets continue now, hm?” you ask, clasping your hands together. All the children simultaneously nod their heads eagerly. The lessons went about normally, when it was about 2 pm you told the students to pack their supplies and to “practice the words before dinner”, you packed your things as well and once everybody was ready you unlocked the door and let the children go out first, stepping out of the classroom you shut the door behind you and lock it. Walking, you held the hand of a little girl who was skipping happily with a smile on her face, you couldn’t help but smile as well. Once you reached to an area where the children would be picked up you waved and said your goodbye’s to your students and walked off to your site. The whole entire time you were walking to your site there was only one thing that was on your mind, neteyam. Both negative and positive thoughts swarmed your mind, you were thinking about him too much that you didn’t realize where you were stepping and tripped over a log. Your eyes widened as you realized that you were going to fall. A thud, then followed by a groan, rolling on your back you clutch your arms and wince from the pain, opening your eyes you look at your arms and realize that it was red, really red. It looked like a rash. Groaning you sat up and ran your fingers through your hair to get rid of the leaves and dirt stuck on your hair. “Now i have to go to see mo’at..” you mumble before getting up, you wiped the dirt off your clothes, cursing under your breath as you trudged through the forest before finally making it to where mo’at would normally be at.

“Be more careful next time, and make sure to look where you’re going.” mo’at lightly scolds, placing some herbs on the redness, you nod and sigh, “yes i know..” you reply, your head fell downcast. After that silence descended upon the room, and to say the least the silence was way too loud for your liking. “Neteyam would not like it if you were to always get injured. He would also not be pleased to hear that you got hurt today.” mo’at stated while giving you something to drink, hearing mo’at mention neteyam’s name made your heart skip a beat. After clearing your throat, you take the cup out of her hand and start to drink it. This provided you some time to ponder your response to what she had said. You set the cup down and look at mo'at, who was waiting for your response patiently. You opened your mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. You briefly felt as though you had lost your voice. "I-" you paused. Your throat felt dry, and you were certain that your voice would be hoarse if you spoke. When you abruptly stopped, mo'at raised an eyebrow. She observed your face, trying to read your emotions, but one thing was clear—you were conflicted. “What is troubling you?” mo’at questioned, the voice lowered upon asking you that question, your head fell downcast, you’re unsure if you want to tell her, she was a great person and would give you useful advice but then again, you knew what she was like. She wouldn’t like to have her grandson, the future olo’eyktan dating a mere human. You weren't one of them, you weren't na'vi, you weren't as strong or courageous as they were, but you were strong, brave, and kind in your own human way. Finally making up your mind you apologize muttering a quiet ‘sorry, but no’ before politely excusing yourself just to take a breath. Mo’at says nothing, only watching as you leave, closing her eyes she prayed. “Eywa, please help them.” As soon as you left the room, a chilly breeze brushed against your skin, it instantly made you shiver, the moon shined ever so brightly, the stars adorning the dark sky, it was like you were beneath a blanket of stars. You felt as if you were appreciating the view more, more than before, you always and always had appreciated and loved the world around you, but today you felt immersed in this feeling, loving the night sky more. “Y/n?” you hear, you recognized that voice, it was kiri. Turning around you see her striding towards you before stopping after she was a few inches away from you, you give her a faint smile before speaking, “what are you doing here kiri? shouldn’t you be with your family?” you question, raising your eyebrow at her as she chuckles, “yeah i am, but i overheard you and mo’at. I’m sorry for listening in but y/n, are you okay?” You know when you’re not doing fine but you don’t tell anybody, and when somebody notices and asks if you’re okay you feel those tears threatening to fall? well that was you right now. Your hands clench firmly, your knuckles turning almost completely white. Instinctively you nod, to tell her that you were fine but both you and kiri knew deep down that you weren’t.  Kiri inched closer to you, placing her hand on your shoulder, “you can tell me anything, sister.” kiri stated, her voice sounded so genuine that you confided in her, you were strong, you always held in your feelings, thoughts, every negative feeling was buried deep inside of your brain, somewhere deep enough that you would forget it, but you never did. You always bottled them up, but right now, you just wanted to spill it all out. It was like an overly filled up bottle all spilling out rapidly once the lid was removed. Kiri sat you down with her sitting down beside you, her hand was still on your shoulder, rubbing your shoulder it lightly. You blurted out everything, everything you felt, everything you saw, how you were so fed up of concealing the truth, how you wanted neteyam all to yourself but you knew that it could never happen, how you were selfish, how you were foolish. You confessed how much you loved neteyam, how you felt jealous whenever a woman would come up to him and laugh while touching his chest, it was infuriating, rambling, was infuriating. There was so many things you wanted to say, so many things you wanted to get off your chest but if you did, you would be saying one thing over another. When you sobbed, choked, and rambled, kiri listened carefully and made sure to rub your hands whenever you breathed shakily. By the time you were finished, you knew you looked like a mess; your cheeks were stained with tears, your eyes were slightly red from all the crying, and your hands were slightly wet from wiping your teary eyes. Both you and kiri stay silent, the only thing that you two could hear were your sniffles. After a bit kiri squeezes your hand, prompting you to look at her, you would never dare to look at anybody after crying, you knew what a sight you would be if you did, but you did anyways. Kiri gives you a sympathetic look “sister, you must really like my brother, huh? well i’ll tell you this.. neteyam-” “Kiri! dinner is ready!” neytiri yells, beckoning kiri to come over to her, kiri stops talking and looks over to her mum, she rolls her eyes, “coming!” she replies, you look over as well, you and neytiri make eye contact, you give her a small smile to which to smiles to you as well, but you notice how her smile seems to fade after looking at you, did she notice that you were crying? When kiri stood up you whipped your head back and grabbed onto her arm, “neteyam what?” you whisper while squinting your eyes, instead of a proper answer kiri gives you a cheeky grin before responding to your question, “you’ll have to find out by yourself sister.” and with that she runs over to neytiri before slowing down and walking to her home. You’re left there, all alone with only the stars scattered across the night sky, your mind was only on one thing now that wasn’t neteyam, what kiri had said. you’ll have to find out by yourself? what was that supposed to mean? did you have to literally go over to neteyam and talk to him? if so, no way. During overwhelming or hard times there was only one place you would always go to, the tree of souls. You would go there whenever you felt like rambling to someone who wasn’t there, well, physically there, and today it felt like the right time to go there, it was night so the tree would be glowing brightly under the night sky, it would be even more beautiful.

You sat down beside on of the roots, looking up at the glowing pink and purple tendrils that fluttered from the cold breeze, even though you weren’t na’vi you felt so connected to the tree of souls, not as connected as the na’vi’s of course. Any species would fall in love wit the tree of souls.

You stayed in that position for what felt like hours, talking to the tree, spilling all your feelings to her. The more you professed your feelings to Eywa the more you felt your tears threatening to fall, your vision was beginning to get blurry, you could feel and see your tears building up in your eyes, your nose stinging.

Before you knew it tears were streaming down your cheeks, your sobs and sniffles echoed through out the forest, those sounds would get anybody’s attention, especially the attention of those that recognize them, and unfortunately it did.

You were still sniffling when the person crept to the tree of souls, you were too preoccupied with thoughts neteyam and other problems, and you failed to    notice that somebody was a few feet away from you, but you would realize when they spoke, and who they were. ”Y/n?”, with the sudden voice you perk up, quickly drying your tear stained cheeks with your hands but stopped when you realized who spoke, it was neteyam. That one man that you loved, the one you would give your heart to, the one you avoided, was standing right behind you who probably heard your sniffles and cries.

Your face flushed when you realized that neteyam was here with you, but after remembering everything that happened these past few weeks and today, you frowned. You wanted to answer him, to run up to him and be embraced by him but you couldn’t, you were too embarrassed, after everything you did, he did not deserve you. Neteyam was hurt as well, his heart ached every time you ignored him, when you turned your back on him. How he barely ever saw you, and whenever he did, you would be gone the next second. He wished he could go back in time to see what he did wrong, he wanted to go back in time to fic up whatever mistake he did just so he could hear your laughter again, to hear your voice, to feel you hugging him, to relive whenever you braided his hair or laughed at his horrible jokes, he wanted you. He wanted you back. So when he sees you sitting down next to the tree of souls, sniffling and still ignoring him his heart pangs, and this time instead of letting you get away, he’ll confront you, question you. He wasn’t angry at you, he could never, he was angry at himself. Angry that he couldn’t make enough time for you, angry that he did not try to talk to you, try to ask for help, he was angry at himself. Neteyam watches as you shrink, trying to make yourself appear smaller, to be invisible. This time, instead of walking away from his problems he takes initiative, he walks closer and closer to you and once he was a few inches away from you he speaks again. “Y/n.”, this time it’s more stern, nothing like him. You fight your urges to look at him but to no avail. You turned your head to face neteyam who stood tall, looking down at you. That was when neteyam noticed your red, puffy, teary eyes, your dried tear stained cheeks. He had known that you were crying from your sobs and sniffles but seeing you in tears and in a mess had a grip on his heart. He hated it. Neteyam’s gaze softens, he crouches down to where your faces meet, you avert eye contact but his voice brings you back, “what.. what happened?” neteyam asked, his voice was so soft, so gentle it made you want to cry again. You missed his voice, you missed him. “Nothing... What are you even doing here?” you reply is a small voice, sinking down as you felt embarrassed from his gaze. Neteyam knew you were far from okay, to comfort you he placed his hand on your arm, prompting you to look at him. “I was just walking by.. but what is wrong y/n? why are you acting like this?” he questions, looking into your eyes, eager to know your answer. “What is wrong? why am i acting like this? why don’t you ask your little girlfriend why!” you blurted out angrily, seething. You had no idea why you answered in that way, but it just came out, you as well as neteyam were both taken aback by your response. Your face falls when you realize that you just screamed at neteyam, who was only trying to help. Guilty. that’s what you felt at this very moment. “Wait- neteyam, i’m- i’m so sorr-” you stutter before getting cut off by neteyam, “what do you mean? my girlfriend? what girlfriend?” neteyam asks, his voice filled with confusion and curiosity. You ignore his question, instead, you thought about what he said, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit relieved that he doesn’t have a mate. “Is this what the ignoring me is all about?” he asks, raising his eyebrow. You avoid eye contact, too scared to even meet with his eyes, you were scared of what he was going to say next, what he was feeling, you were scared of rejection, and when you (finally) did look at him you yelp and your heart almost skips a beat, he was close to your face, closer than he was before. You gulped, your palms were sweating, that was for sure, you have been close to neteyam sure.. but not this close. “Y/n.. i.. i have to tell you something.” he stated in a hush tone, his hands slowly making its way to yours. Your eyes widened from this interaction which neteyam chuckled at, why was he getting so confident out of the blue? your body tensed up once you felt neteyam’s much larger hands over yours, “can i?” he mutters, you give him a nod. “I did not expect you to believe such a silly rumour, y/n,” he starts, your eyes darted away from his, embarrassed you was. “But that’s not all,”, you look back at neteyam, “y/n, as you know i am the next olo’eyktan, which means i have to find a mate.. and i have already found a mate.” When he delivered the final phrase, your heart stopped. The one thing that made you all like this, the one thing you wished never needed to know, the one thing that terrified you had finally come true, neteyam, the man you love, found his mate. The news absolutely broke you, looking down you muttered a small “oh” before congratulating him, he gives you a confused look in response. There it is again, the silence that always consumed you. “But that woman must choose me, na’vi or not.” neteyam declared, you froze, ‘na’vi or.. not’? your brows furrowed, the only non-na’vi person that would hang out with him was... the realization suddenly dawned on you.. you. You were human, ‘na’vi or not.’, you were always with neteyam, the man who was literally confessing to you right now. A deep red hue appeared on your cheeks, your heart was pounding rapidly, neteyam’s gaze never left you, “I chose you y/n, i always have, you are my mate.” neteyam commented, “but the others..” you spoke, “we will make the others that don’t understand, understand. Y/n, i chose you. Do i have to prove myself?”, his answer catches you off guard, especially what he said last. A grin made its way to your face, using your other face you cupped his cheek, “maybe you do..” you reply, giving him a cheeky grin. Now it was neteyam’s turn to be embarrassed, he has been pretty bold up to now. Seeing his reaction you giggled and caressed his cheek with your thumb, a purr. You froze for a second, but seeing how much he loved it you continued. You were always so scared, scared that neteyam would leave you one day, scared that he didn’t feel the same way, scared that he would not have enough time with you, scared that all those fun and loving days with neteyam would soon just be past memories and that you could never relive them. But you could now, you could relive those moments and create more. But now, you were just happy, happy that he was finally yours, neteyam was ecstatic as well. You were his, and he was yours. You two could finally stop hiding your emotions after so many years of doing so, and instead of daydreaming and fantasizing about the things you two wanted to do together but couldn't, you could really do them now. Every kiss you two wanted, every hug, every braiding session you two wanted, it would happen. Everything you and neteyam wanted to do together, you could now, and nobody was going to stop you two from loving each other. Neteyam leaned in closer when he suddenly picks you up causing you to yelp, chuckling, he sets you on top of him. He’s seated down with you on top of him, his hands on your waist to prop you up (just like neytiri and jake..), your mask was touching his forehead, and how neteyam wished you didn’t need that stupid inconvenient mask of yours.. but he suppresses his urges to yank it off but he doesn’t in the end, you do need it after all, to live. You giggled as his tail swayed side to side, tickling your thighs, neteyam had a dreamy smile on his face, this eyes twinkling playfully, sighing, his grip on your waist tightens before saying the three words that you always wished he would say to you and only you, “I see you.”

note: if you would like to be added to the avatar taglist pls just ask me!! dont be shy <3

taglist: @tomansimp, @howlandhaku, @luciphyls​ 

liking + following + reblogs are very much appreciated!!

another note: AGAIN. thank you all for 1k!! im super grateful for each and every one of you guys. i have a few event ideas in mind.. anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed this! i think this is my first fic i’ve written that doesn’t involve bullet points/hcs like in forever. also i proof read this but i feel like i didn’t do a very good job at it so... any mistakes? just ignore... UNLESS it’s about how there’s a fem pronoun in the fic, please tell me!!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

[eldaryasharbinger]

MCL New Gen Ep 5 Review

Played the episode last friday and finally I'm sharing my thoughts on it (hopefully I still remember what I wanted to talk about...)

Since the episode is out for everyone, I will go straight into it so no spoiler free version this time! (still adding the cut cause this is a long post...)

I'll start by saying that this episode felt somewhat "empty"? I'm not sure if it was me playing it in a rush before leaving for the weekend but there really wasn't much going on?? at the same time the more I think about it the more I think it was just me lol

This time I didn't stop to take many screenshots cause again, I didn't have much time and I'm still not sure about how long it takes to play each episode, I only took a couple that I thought were intresting enough to share

This was of course very very important, as many of us were wondering about it, if it was actually poliosis or just idk design I guess

Turns out that whoever came up with this theory first was right! Love to see that especially after his reaction and expression during this scene, I'm sure there's more going on!! (if it ends up that we never talk about it again I'll just turn to dust)

SECOND VERY IMPORTANT THING HERE TOO!!

Some people thought that Jason came from a rich family, turns out that wasn't the case! I'm not really surprised since I really wanted him to be "self-made", like some ordinary guy that now got this horrible rich-person personality, he already looked like that to me so all I needed was confirmation!

----------

Now I want to talk about our interaction with Jason... I'm so so happy about it I kept giggling while playing lol

I could feel Candy's stress like it was my own because I've been in a similiar position back in april and It made me cry in front of 2 of my co-workers, only diffrence is that candy made a big mistake, I was too prideful to destroy my work for the client's ALWAYS changing "preferences"(?) (also I recently completed it, I just swallowed my pride and the client actually forgot about it so they didn't care as much and didn't remember what they wanted at first,, the audacity,,)

I'm not sure how everyone else feels about it (I haven't checked tags yet,,) but it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO weird to me that Candy accepted Jason's offer to do HER job for her? I could understand a little help but Jason literally got her everything, all she had to do was call these people? I don't get how she didn't feel more guilty about it, isn't it like cheating in a way?? Jason isn't just this random guy helping us but the RIVAL COMPANY doing our job?? What was the point of calling us for the job if Goldreamz did it in the end, they just don't know

Everyone else congratulating her on the well done job too... I was dying inside I hope Candy was too, I felt so guilty replying "thank you" to Devon's text about the little gilr's birthday party like,, the f did candy do??

Now... I love that Jason helped her, I wasn't expectin him to do THAT MUCH (it still blows my mind) but I really loved how kind of non-chalante he was trying to be?? Also, Candy said a couple of weird things while joking to which Jason replied so bluntly but also what surprised me the most was the fact that he replied at all?? Like if I'm not mistaken, his dad died when he was a teen or something, and he just told her that? he shared something personal about himself like that??!! Mentioning the poliosis too and how it's hereditary, he just told her about it?

To me that sounds like a big deal because usually you wouldn't expect someone like Jason to share personal details to some random girl he wants in his bed once, so that leaves us with one true conclusion

he loves candy already and really wants to get to know her, so maybe he feels like he has the need to tell her more? maybe I'm just running with my mind again but I think this could be what we could expect in the future?

The illustration is absolutely GORGEOUS, I've already made an edited version with Petronilla here!!

I just really love Jason's expression, he's so pretty he's so beautiful,,,,,, I can't wait till we get more ;w;;;;; I could stare at him all day and I probably will end doing that at this point

ALSO!!!!! I GOT AMANDA'S ILLU WITHOUT SPENDING MORE GEMS!!

They're both so pretty, this illustration was finaly crafted I can see that, just look at all the details!! Girls having fun!! They might kiss each other!

This time I didn't pay for her special scene because I want to save up on the gems,, (I did get Jason's tho)

Not sure if I unlocked it as a bug, during the episode I unlocked it like normal but in the library it has the locked icon?

Still, bug or not I don't care cause I LITERALLY CHEERED when I got it, I wasn't sure I was gonna get it if I chose to work on my own (to meet Jason) instead of asking her for help, I apparentely made the right choices (I winged it after seeing the illu online) and THANKFULLY the outfit was the same one as Jason's!

I think I've said everything I had to, or better to say "all that I remember", I'm sure there's more from this episode to address that I forgot about so If anything else comes to mind I'll make separate posts about it!

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading!

edit: I am not proofreading all that

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts   ━ from various tv shows, part 2

this can’t end with us going home.

it’s a broken world, and you’re the only thing that brings it back together.

’til my last breath, i am yours.

you think i trapped you?

i think i hate myself more than i love you.

we’re young. we can still make bad decisions for a few more years.

you’re the one crying in a parking lot.

you wanna die quick? or you wanna die screaming?

oh my god, you can handle one day alone.

i think a little buffer would be good for us.

you said dating me was a lot, but i need you to know that i’m always gonna be me.

you need to decide. do you take me as i am, or not take me at all?

i think i want to find my dad.

the best that i could do was love you.

don’t take this the wrong way, but are you in the middle of a full-on spiral?

you see me, and i see you.

you’re so not fine. you think i can’t see that?

i’m scared. i’m terrified, actually, that you’re gonna break my heart.

if i could go back to the night we first met, i’d do it all over again.

people will remember the last thing you do.

i’m entirely unremarkable. 

you don’t get to shut down whenever it’s convenient. 

it can’t end like this.

i wanted to experience something i didn’t understand.

wow, that is pretty out there…

this is the first time i’ve felt like me again in a long time.

i like you. you’re scary.

i don’t trust any of these other fucks, so let’s watch each other’s backs.

they’re clearly cannibals.

my dad thought he wanted a child, but he lost interest. he doesn’t care about me.

i’m gonna leave you alone now.

i want to stay here. we were supposed to be a family.

we’re finally together now. let’s start fresh. 

i’m really sorry for what’s about to happen to you.

stop talking to me like a stranger and say what you mean.

are those your tattoos? do they have a meaning?

i will never regret you. i would do it all over again, everything. i would suffer all of it a million times.

our lives are like a series of ghost stories.

you and me, i’d do it all over again.

i wear longing like a fucking veil.

tell me what it made you feel.

look at you. it’s much more likely that you’re gonna break my heart.

you look right through me. you don’t even see me.

i want this to work.

you’re blowing it, and it pisses me off.

you sit here and bleed, or you trust me.

i just don’t scare easy, so when i do, i pay attention.

please don’t break up with me because i’m insane.

it was a stupid, drunken, one time kiss. that’s all.

can we take one night off of the horror show that is our lives?

how do you overcome your fear when all you’re really afraid of is you?

this is not gonna end well.

long distance was brutal. 

we’re not supposed to get personal, big boy.

turns out, i love math.

i was gonna text you, but i got in my head about what to say.

we were both horrible to each other at different times. i regret that.

why don’t you just lay down and die, please?

stop agreeing with each other like you’re fighting. it’s weird.

i’d back your hunches any day of the week.

that should be our motto: “who cares?”

we’re probably all gonna die anyway. 

don’t walk away from something before you even know what it is.

i missed you when we stopped talking, and now i’ll miss you forever.

for a while you were my best friend. i’m gonna hold onto that.

sibling rivalry is bloodsport.

i can’t stop thinking about her.

we’ve had a pretty fucked up year.

i warned you. you should have shut the fuck up.

i stand by what i did.

well, welcome to hell, i guess.

i thought to myself, “what if i could be someone different?”

[hetalia-club]

I'm not normally one to rant or anything but here goes.

I hesitate to tag this. but I feel it needs to be said, in fact I feel it HAS to be said or I think this fandom is just going to be done for within the next 5 or so years. People need to read this and understand what is happening within the fandom and not continue this behavior or turn a blind eye to it.

This fandom has a SERIOUS problem. I don't say that lightly either. I feel like 99% of this fandom are sweet and caring people. but we have that 1%.

This 1% is killing the community in this fandom. How is it okay to message someone, demand they make a statement on THEIR blog and when they say they don't want to talk about it you then tell them you wish they would die a horrible death?

TW for suicide and SA! (you have been warned) Long rant below. (preempted note to let everyone know that I am fine, I am not posting this for people to feel bad for me. I am using my own experiences as examples, but this is not a 'me' issue this is a fandom issue)

Why is that so normalized here? The vague blogging and the call to arms people in this fandom do is actually disgusting. Picking one person and just beating them down until they eventually leave the fandom and at the SAME people will be like. "Why is the Hetalia fandom so small?" Who wants to be in a fandom where making one statement that's not even bad could get you death threats?

I don't think the fandom realizes how hurtful what they say can be. Sure you might not have liked a post someone made because you disagreed. Well then scroll down, hit the block button and carry on with your life. Why do some of you feel it is acceptable behavior to make mass posts calling out someone or going into their inbox to tell them you wish they would kill themselves?

I say I don't like Spamano and people say they want me dead. I say I don't want to talk about IRL politics on my parody Hetalia blog and my life and entire country is threatened.

I say we shouldn't insert our ships into everyone's lives and let people ship what they want and not feel forced to appease you. and you guessed it people wish terrible things onto me and my body.

I feel the only way this behavior will change is if we start calling it out more. I know it will feel repetitive but I think ignoring it is only making it worse at this point.

I know a lot of people would read this and think "If you don't like it then leave the fandom" well YOU'RE the issue. This is not normal behavior. These are not actions of someone who is mentality well. Why should I leave a fandom I've been in for 10 years because some idiot cannot handle that I don't like shipping characters together? How is that impacting their life at all?

a few months ago I made a post and it was highjacked and someone totally just took it over and added their own thing onto it talking about SA. Totally out of left field not related to what I posted at all. I simply messaged them and asked them if they could please remove the comment as I am a survivor of SA and it don't think it was funny or appropriate to add onto my post and they just said. "No I can say anything I want to. I was talking about Hetalia so it's fine." like what do you mean no!? Who responds that way? What a normal considerate person would do is say "I'm sorry of course! I can just go make my own post." but no they just left it there. It's still there, won't say which post or who it was because it doesn't matter anymore.

But this is the kind of behavior I'm talking about. This weird entitlement of everyone being so defensive and angry all the time. Just wanting to pick a fight over nothing. You never know if simply saying something like (Example) "I don't really like Austria" Could land you 100 anons all saying they wanted you to off yourself. It's like a game of Russian roulette. It's a very stressful environment for a big creator to be in. All it really takes is the wrong person to see a post you made and disagreed with and all of a sudden they are making posts about you without mentioning your name but are CLEARLY about you saying "This person hates all Austrians, they are a neo-nazi and we should all block them and send them hate and also let's just reword what they said to make it sound 100x worse because people won't read the original post and they will just believe us." Who would want to be a creator in an environment like that?

would you believe me if I told you I still to this day am getting someone in my inbox calling for my r*pe because of the stupid fucking beauty pageant poll I did? Is that not insanity? Who is that person? Wtf is their life? I personally could not imagine sending hate to anyone for any reason, and if I did it would be off of anon and I would say it with my chest. Because in order for someone to push it that far they would have to saying some absolutely terrible stuff to make me take time from my day and life to give them negative energy.

The fandom is shrinking because of the 1% driving them away. They come after artists who draw a character in a way they don't like. They come after writers for depicting a character in a way they disagree with. They go after shippers for portraying their ship 'wrong'. They will comment on people's fun little head canons and just leave the rudest most unnecessary comments thinks like "He wouldn't do that" like okay?? Thanks for your insert betty sue. And it's always when you were never trying to set someone off is when they lose their minds. They do not understand even if a blog is big and has a lot of followers it is still THAT creators blog. they are a person not an identity who just churns out content for just you and they have to say and do whatever you want.

Another thing the 1% like to do on here is they will wait for you to say something and then they will jump to attack a person who does the thing you said you dislike and they will tell that person "blog name XYZ said you are a horrible person and I agree kill yourself" That one is a near direct quote I got not too long ago. I got several like that and actually had to message said creator and say "Why are you mad at me?" and they were completely confused, had no idea how they decided to attack me because of what they said. When I tell you that the 1% are sitting there frothing at the mouth wanting to send hate and death threats I mean that 100%

It's not JUST me either. All creators in the Hetalia fandom I'm sure could tell you about upsetting hate they received and had no idea what they even did or said wrong. I have spoken to former Hetalia blogs ones who I used to call my pals before I went on my hiatus and came back. They all said they left not because they started hating Hetalia but they left for their mental health because the 1% got too bold and unchecked. This was never an issue before quarantine. I know it brought a lot of new fans and that's great! But I also feel along with bringing in some wonderful people it brought in some really dark minded people as well. Saying "Just disable anons and move on" is also not a solution. these people are still here and if they're not bothering me or you they are tormenting someone else because that's what these people do. That 'someone else' may only need the tiniest nudge at the edge and they may just actually hurt themselves. You don't know people. You don't know what everyone is going through. You don't know what someone's life is like outside of here.

PLEASE Please! stop telling people to kill themselves. Stop telling people to go get R**ed in a gutter. Get some help talk to a therapist, a friend, a trusted teacher, a life coach, your parents, your sibling. anyone! And if you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to you can message me and we can talk about what you're going through. I'm sure any other Hetalian on here would say the same thing. Bloggers are real people.

International suicide hotlines

Website to help you find a therapist in your own country and in your price range

I know I will more than likely get hate for posting this. Which is upsetting to just know is going to happen but someone needs to say this because it's getting kind of out of control these last couple months I feel.

if you read this through reblog it, spread it around let the people who NEED to see it see it.

[catboybiologist]

Hey, transfem who has only started to like her body about half a year ago here

As someone who takes a lot of pictures of themselves, do you have any resources/tips for angles or something that accentuates feminine features?

Also in regards to having a somewhat normal facial expression, like my eyes look so weird in every picture I take bc I don't know where to look

This response ended up WAY longer than I expected, and I think Imma add it to my pinned post- thanks for pushing me to talk about this! I don't think I'm really an expert here, but if people want to leave more advice in reblogs and comments, please do.

So when I say "I had two years of femboy experience before transferring to the related (and potentially overlapping) but separate field of trans womanhood" I'm only like... half joking. Selfie angles took a fucking wild amount of time for me to figure out, and guess what? The pictures I post are usually 1-3 in a set of about 20 that I take at any given time. I'm still unhappy with most pictures I take, you just gotta take a lot of them, and figure out for yourself.

That said, I think I have gotten a lot better over time. Behold, the first selfie I posted on reddit (warning for kinda cringe but I know y'all fuck with that):

(Damn, my thighs look good when I properly shave, gotta do that sometime)

(btw I'm 23 in this pic so feel free to simp if you so desire)

And another early one:

This was still selected from a bunch that were horrible, but you can really tell that my face is basically just covered in fabric entirely. My eyes look very dead in both. Compare that to:

^this one is still pre-transition, so don't blame the estrogen.

So what are my specific tips? Well, the classic "selfie angle" is from above. This angle certainly helps, but why? Personally I've found that its far less about angles are far more about lighting. Since most lighting is overhead, taking selfies from above means that you'll have a well lit face in those standard lighting conditions. Notice that in both the early selfies and the later one, the camera is actually positioned below my height level, and there's still a noticeable facial difference between them. The reason this is possible is good, forward lighting. Generally, you want a soft light source to be vaguely behind the camera, shining onto your face- but make sure its not too close, or too bright. This will ensure that harsh shadows don't artificially make your features look much different than they actually are.

Another thing that cannot be understated: DISTANCE between yourself and the camera, especially if you're using a phone camera. There are several reasons for this- notably, it'll help make the background be framed more pleasantly, as well as prevent the camera/phone itself from shadowing your face. But there's also a massive, insidious reason this happens- all phone cameras have some degree of fisheye to their lens to increase the field of view while still using compact optics. Multiple lens have helped a bit, but its still a problem on all of them. Higher end phones will algorithmically correct for this, but they also add a TON of other postprocessing "beautification" in ways that are sometimes completely invisible (insert entire rant here about how this is a deceptive marketing tactic to make a brands phone cameras seem better than they actually are). Sometimes, these edits are way off base. But I digress. The fisheye is killer because it takes any slightly more prominent feature and bulges them out, including the nose and chin. Conversely, recessed features, like eyes and the sides of your cheeks, are going to be less emphasized. Moving further away from the camera significantly reduces this. If you can get a small phone tripod and take selfies that way, it'll alleviate this. Unfortunately my living space is not large atm, and I have less motivation to bother my roommates in the common areas and use their hallways for picture taking, so this has been a little lacking in more recent selfies. It's also just a lot of work for a couple quick selfies, so its hard to do right- but it genuinely makes a world of difference.

Otherwise, my advice about eyes would be that your eyes show your overall facial expression, even if you're covering your mouth. Most of my pictures are taken while smiling slightly under the mask, and it shows in the eyes. If I want a scarier looking picture, I'm stone faced or deliberately make my entire face angrier, and you end up with the "glaring directly down the camera wanting to kill you" face. Referring to the pictures I just posted- the first two are both dead faced under the mask, whereas in the last one, I'm doing a smug, sultry smirk. The eyes then reflect that.

Don't focus on specifically trying to open your eyes wider. Change your facial expression and just let them be how they want to be in relation to that. Eye position should fully commit to looking straight into the camera, or be fully distracted with something else, imo (including the screen of your phone, if you're doing something like a mirror selfie). If you're taking a mirror selfie, look at the camera lens as it's reflected in the mirror. A HUGE takeaway is that cameras, especially phone cameras, straight up lie to you. They don't work the same way as the human eye, and have to compensate for that- but they'll never be a completely faithful representation of what you look like. Don't let your ego be affected by how you look in pictures, when all is said and done.

And of course, experiment, experiment, experiment! Figure out the lighting you can get in the space you have available, and the angles that work for you! Don't be afraid to delete selfies you don't like! Show off your style and your features in the way you want to! There are no rules for what's attractive, this is just what I do and you should develop your own style!

I guess I'll take this with both femboy and trans tags bc the selfies are pre-HRT

[ryuichirou]

A little while ago I saw one of ur art works about Ortho waiting for Idia to bring him back to light, waiting for the day he can finally tell Idia how much he missed Idia. So I was wondering if u had any headcanons for the 2 Shrouds while Ortho was still dead. I was sort of curious what Ortho had been doing during that time. I always imagined Ortho would be cruely haunting Idia day by day, but only because he wanted to tell Idia so many things. Do so many things, even if it was just in dreams.... (Sort of like lucid dreaming but Idia thinks it's just him missing Ortho too much. Even though he can feel, hear, taste, touch, smell and remember EVERYTHING.)

Sorry for the late reply, Anon!

It’s an interesting theme and I love it very much (I think I’ve drawn it dozens of times at this point lol), but unfortunately, it’s kind of limiting because the whole point is that Ortho can’t reach Idia while he is in Tartarus… but still, let’s talk about it because there is a lot to talk about!

When it comes to Ortho, I really think he spent all those years talking to Phantoms (the ancient ones!! The Titans!!) about Idia, how much of a genius Idia is and about how much Ortho loves him. Just like in that comic you’ve mentioned: he’s just chilling down there, talking a whole lot and feeling nothing but love and yearning. Imagine being stuck with beings that are pretty much all the negative emotions personified, being cooked in a soup of everything that is horrible, and still not feeling even a speck of grudge towards Idia? I just complained about this whole thing being limiting, but this is exactly where the beauty of it is: Ortho really couldn’t do anything but wait for Idia and continue genuinely loving him. He also probably spent a lot of time monologuing about what needed to happen for them to be together again.

But anyways, speaking of the scenario that you’ve mentioned! If we imagine that Ortho could leave Tartarus (maybe it’s for a very short time, maybe it’s his mental connection to Idia that helps him to access his dreams, anything), Idia would absolutely think that he is either dreaming or hallucinating. No amount of traces of Ortho actually being there would convince him otherwise, he would find a way to rationalise every single mark on his body (even the ones that look like someone was squeezing his wrist, even the one that looks like someone was sucking on his neck), and the fact that he remembers all the dialogues he would have with the dream!Ortho. The dialogues would be very vague though because Ortho wouldn’t be able to both be present, touch Idia and talk to him for long enough time. Sometimes it would be scarier, sometimes it would be more erotic, but usually it’s a mix of two that leaves Idia super conflicted. Idia probably think that he is completely messed up, so he can’t even discuss it with anyone, not even AI!Ortho.

Oh, if Ortho was able to haunt Idia and watch over him daily, he would also probably be one jealous “ghost”! If someone is talking to Idia, if he feels like Idia is nervous around someone, Ortho would want to do anything to scare that person away. Weirdly, he doesn’t feel jealous of AI!Ortho.

Also, he could stop appearing for some time to collect more energy, and Idia would start thinking that maybe his weird dreams and hallucinations are over… only for Ortho to appear again the next night, strong just enough to have sex with Idia in his head and disappear again.

So yeah… I guess I don’t have much headcanons about it, but I still like the idea a lot! So I thought I’d share some thoughts.

Thanks for your ask.

[supercantaloupe]

What is the antisemitism in TUC season 1? Does it have to do with Wally the golem?/gen

[ID: an ask from an anonymous tumblr user that reads "would love to hear more about the antisemitism in unsleeping city! was a while ago that i watched it and can't remember what you might be referencing but definitely want to be aware of it.]

no, it's not about willy the golem -- i actually think willy is a great addition to the season (even if i wish we got to see more of him), and an indication to me that brennan/the showrunners were definitely trying to be sincere and inclusive. i want to make it clear that i don't think anything antisemitic in tuc is there intentionally; i think it's there out of simple ignorance, which is also why i think fans don't frequently see/comment on it either. but i don't think that's an excuse, either.

my grief with tuc1 is largely centered around its portrayal of robert moses as the villain. especially by making him a greedy, power-hungry lich working en league with bloodsucking vampires. (also his mini is literally a green skinned skull man in a suit. yikes.) here's the thing; i know robert moses was a real life horrible person, who actually was racist and powerhungry etc etc. and i know that robert moses, the real actual person, was jewish. my grief with tuc1 is not that they chose to use robert moses over literally any other person (real or fictional) to be their season villain (though i'd be really curious to know what tuc1 would have looked like with a different villain), but that they chose to take a real jewish person, turn them into an antisemitic caricature, and then only barely add other portrayals of judaism to balance that out.

like, tuc isn't completely devoid of other jewish representation. as you mention, there's willy the golem -- and again, i really like willy, and i love that it's a portrayal of a golem that's faithful to jewish folklore (ie as a benevolent, guardian construct rather than a mindless destructive monster. i am not a fan of how 'golem' is so frequently misused as a generic enemy creature in other fantasy and ttrpg spaces, including other seasons of d20). but as i said earlier, i wish we see more of him in the season, because he's not around very much, and feels a little more like worldbuilding than a full character to me. also, he's not human. jews are people.

the only other human jewish character in tuc1 is...stephen sondheim. which, again, yeah, that's a real person who really was jewish. but i really wouldn't blame you if you had no idea of that when watching tuc1. maybe from the name you could guess he might be jewish, but i don't think people ought to make a habit of trying to 'clock' someone being jewish by having a 'jewish-sounding' surname. as he's portrayed in tuc1, you'd never know he's jewish, unless you happen to already be pretty knowledgeable about the man in real life. it's far more likely you'll know him as a theater legend than anything else (may his memory be a blessing).

now i'm not saying that brennan or the showrunners should have played up the jewishness of Real Person Stephen Sondheim to counterbalance the depiction of robert moses; that just feels weird to me, especially considering that sondheim was literally alive when tuc1 was filmed and released. it's a tricky thing to portray real people in fiction alongside made up characters, especially when they are contemporaries, and i don't think 'outright caricature' is the way to go about that. nor do i think that moses' jewishness should have been played up at all, because again i don't think that would have been particularly true to the person/character, and also Fucking Yikes. but, c'mon, if you hear the names 'moses' and 'sondheim' next to each other, which one do you associate more with judaism?

and as it stands, these are the only representations of judaism in tuc1. one admittedly nice but very minor nonhuman character; one human character you'd never be able to tell was jewish; and a third human character who, while never explicitly referenced as jewish, plays into some really hurtful antisemitic stereotyping. and it was a choice to not include anything else. maybe not a deliberate one, probably more likely one made out of simple ignorance than anything else, but a choice nonetheless. in a city with one of the largest and most visibly jewish populations in the country, and a culture that is inextricably influenced by that jewish population. a jewish population which has been and continues the target of rising hate crimes for years. i know that nyc means different things to different people, and everyone's nyc is their own -- but my nyc is jewish, and it sucks that that its jewishness is referenced directly in only one very minor way, which is greatly overshadowed by its, in my view, really insidious indirect references.

i don't know exactly how to go about addressing this. obviously, the show can't be changed by now. even if it could, i think the final product would be very significantly different from what it is now if the villain was something/someone else. i think including more references to jews in new york, more (human) jewish characters, hell, even mentioning hanukkah celebrations and menorahs in windows (it takes place in late december, after all; depending on the year it's not at all out of place for hanukkah to coincide with xmas!) would help. having literally any more positive jewish representation in tuc1 would, i think, help balance the bad stuff that's there. because, yeah, robert moses was real and he was terrible and he was jewish. but he's one jewish guy in a city with over a million jews, the vast majority of whom are just normal people. i don't want him to be the only vision of us that people get, in tuc1 alone or in any media. i'm not saying that jews can't or shouldn't be villains in fiction; but especially if you are a goyische creator, you should be really careful in how you're portraying us, and if there are other contrasting depictions in your work, too, in order to not (even accidentally) demonize jewish people as a whole.

[sapphire-weapon]

Things I didn’t notice until my 10th playthrough of the game:

Leon: You know, after the incident, the world changed. You try to save one person, a hundred others die. I guess I changed, too.

*Some hours later*...

Wesker: All you need to know is a new dawn is breaking. A hundred will give their lives so that just one may live. I am expediting that change.

I don’t know how I overlooked this for so fucking long, but now that I’ve noticed it -- holy shit does it seem very deliberate. Like, in the “this is setting up for something” kind of way.

Wesker is basically saying that he intends to bring the whole world into the reality that Leon’s already been living. And Leon’s saying that he’s changed and grown enough to be able to rise to the occasion.

And I really wish I had something more meta to say about it, but I don’t because Leon and Wesker never interact in canon. And in Remake, it seems like Leon has been kept almost completely in the dark about Wesker’s continued bullshit in the bioterrorism world all together. 

You know, I always thought it was weird how, in OG, Leon straight-up calls Ada out for working with Wesker, but then... nothing comes of it. Ever. Chris just goes and blows up Wesker with a rocket launcher in the middle of a volcano, Leon gets trapped in Groundhog Day and develops a drinking problem, and that’s that. So it made sense to me that Remake changed it so that Leon has no idea who Ada’s working with this time around. The W-word is never said.

But then I look at this very obvious, very deliberate-seeming parallel, and it makes me tilt my head to the side and go “huh.”

And then I think about how Ada’s character motivation has changed between OG and RE4make and how she doesn’t go into Remake already planning on double-crossing Wesker -- but rather that it’s a shocking (even to herself) decision she makes at the very last second, so we actually have no idea what she’s going to do with the Amber this time around -- and I tilt my head to the opposite side and go “huh” even louder.

And then I think about how the top leaker in the RE world who leaked RE4make in the first place says that no, actually, a RE5make or CV Remake haven’t been greenlit, that’s not a thing (yet), we’ll see other RE titles long before we hear anything about another remake, and I start to feel like I’m going absolutely insane so I reach up to try to pull my tinfoil hat off and I can’t tell if I keep missing or if there’s actually not one on my head at all.

And I gotta wonder.

Is Capcom going to build off of the remake series? Is it secretly a reboot series? And will we finally get a game involving Leon and Wesker that takes place at some point between RE4 and RE5?

Or

Is Capcom just going to straight-up change what RE5 actually was because they can’t salvage the horrible, horrible racism present in that game?

As someone who’s been analyzing game stories and literature for over 20 years, I just can’t look at that dialogue parallel and say that that’s not foreshadowing -- that it’s there for fun and no other reason.

It’s just

Huh.