#Is that gonna be my vent tag? Lord help me

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

I remember the first and only time I went to therapy, I almost cried in front of the lady who I was talking to. It wasn't once, it was probably 3 times I almost cried. I talked about some more...uh not very good thoughts and just how much shit I had gone through and still am. And I seriously wanted to tell her more, but I was scared I was gonna start tearing up again or I dunno, she'd tell my mom.

I want to go back to therapy, maybe get some sort of help with my issues instead of putting it on Tumblr or writing it in my journal. I just don't wanna keep in my emotions in too much that I just burst and snap at anyone and everyone. I get too emotional, though. It's why I like writing things I feel or think. Because if I start crying, nobody would have to hear me cry and blabber out my words through hiccups.

[chateaunoirsims]

X APESH*T

Been playing around in blender since that’s the only thing I have time for these days and came up with this. Came out a lil bit cyberpunk than I expected but I like it 😛~

[skypied]

AO3 Wrapped Questions!

3, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 16, 20, 27, 28, 29, 30 :)

I'm guessing wrapped implies "works from this year" so I'm only going off those! Buckle uuuuup this is getting looooong like always

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Hmmm, maybe Back Home. Most of my fics this year feel like mindless brain dumps, but this feels more like a complete work.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Probably hard feelings? It generally has a lot less hits and kudos than most my other work, probably because of it being angst without a happy ending (YET), but through the months it's gotten a lot of very sweet and heartfelt and/or heartbreaking comments.

Back Home also got a lot more feedback than expected - it was one of those venting fics that I didn't really expect to resonate and/or not be enjoyed by anyone else but me.

6. Favorite title you used

Hmmmmmmmm , I don't really think any of my titles this year stand out :p Maybe Catch of the Day, just bc it's so stupid.

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Most my titles from this year weren't song titles actually! Surprising, since I used to exclusively use song lyrics. There's only hard feelings (Lorde) and Can't Help It, I'm Obsessed (Sam Riggs).

(In 2021 we had Orla Gartland, Lizzo, Troye Sivan, Taylor Swift, Halsey and Maria Mena. Taylor and Maria were used twice: so they win. I think Maria would win overall for how many times her lyrics have been direct inspiration.)

10. What work was the quickest to write?

Probably a tie between the first chapter of hard feelings (started at like 10 in the morning when I was supposed to work, lol) - and Home (written while perched on the kitchen counter watching onions caramellize for onion soup). Both were around four hours, maybe one or two more for revisions.

Wait, actually, both chapters of Catch of the Day were mostly written in an hour or two each.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

Depends on whether you count hours spent on it, or stretch of time it took to finish it haha.

I do have wips I started last summer. Most of them are probably never gonna be anything. But I do have a wip that's almost done and I still intend to finish that I began... 14 months ago. oops.

But among published work - the ones that took the longest stretch of time is probably undertow and chapter two of hard feelings. According to docs, I began undertow on Christmas Eve last year (damn, didn't I have anything better to do?), so it tooooook... almost nine months? It's also kind of a mashup between three aimless wips that I eventually figured out went well enough to just patch together. hard feelings part two took seven months.

Most hours spent on it is harder to gauge, but maybe Can't Help It, I'm Obsessed. I remember I spent most my free time on it for maybe two-three weeks. (And then Annie kindly and graciously and perfectly finished it for me, thank god; I'd gotten myself in a real rut with it.)

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Oh I dunno. Most are generic things like genre, established relationship and aged-up characters. The only one that sticks out is probably Alberto Scorfano has ADHD.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Prrrroooobably Trust Fall! I think it's just sweet and neat.

27. What do you listen to while writing?

That goes in cycles. Sometimes a playlist with classical music mixed in with movie soundtracks. Sometimes just whatever album I'm hooked on at the moment. I have some specific music for specific things, most are one song I'll loop for hours:

Downtown (feat Pri Pach) by BYOR, VINNE, Pri Pach. It's SO good for hyperfixating and writing smut 2am on a weekday. (Been a while since I did that, though.) There’s a reason it was my #1 on Spotify Wrapped last year, and #2 this year.

IDFC (feat. Ravenna Golden) by WHIPPED CREAM, Perto, Ravenna Golden. Same as Downtown. It tingles my brain.

River by Bishop Briggs. Great for emotionally charged and angsty smut.

I've spent HOOOOOURS listening to just 22:12 Until The End of Time from the Haven soundtrack while writing, no specific genre.

I generally listen a lot to Kevin Atwater to get into those Sad Boy Feelings (especially when writing about Alberto being too brainwashed by Christianity to admit his feelings for Luca. God I still love that AU, shame it's never getting finished.)

Lately I've been rewatching TV shows while writing, just to have something moving on the screen and something to listen to.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

Hmm hmm hmmmmm, feel like I'm repeating myself here but Back Home and hard feelings. Both feel like is the first complete stories I wrote. Most my stuff is just scenes, this was the first that spanned over a longer time and connected themes together.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Ahhh idk if I have the patience to reread all 50k I published this year, so I'm taking a couple that come to mind:

It’s stupid and predictable and sometimes Luca wonders when they’ll tire of this, when the intensity of the teenage crush will fade into something more mature, as his mother used to sigh when they were chasing each other’s tails around the bay. It’s been years, and he’s starting to suspect this is just what they’re like, perpetually snickering like kids breaking curfew, whispering secrets in a blanket fort and constantly one-upping each other. 

from Morning Routines. The whole fic is stupid, silly fun, but I feel like this passage sums up their relationship in a cute way.

You know him like the back of your hand, but he’s scarily good at slipping under your skin to hide. You convince yourself otherwise, but you can never really tell. Not really. But it’s yet another trust you have to fall into, accept the rush of gravity and hope he catches you. 

Trust Fall, chapter one

He looks at you, breathless and disbelieving. Disbelieving your love for him. When it’s the only thing you truly believe in, when nothing in this chaotic world makes sense without him, when it’s the seam keeping your life stitched together.  

You wish he could reach inside your chest, clench your heart tight and feel that it’s more his than your own. You wish you could put your mouth to his ear like a conch shell, and he’d hear the ceaseless waves that lap in the back of your mind whispering his name. You wish he could feel the magnetic pull from somewhere deep in your guts that makes you unable to stop orbiting him. 

You don’t dare imagine what would happen if he stopped letting you love him. 

Trust fall, chapter two

Both of these from Trust Fall are some of the rare instances that I feel like I’ve written analogies that feel complete and make sense for them and the work itself. 

You stare up like you used to, towards the incomprehensible lights of celestial bodies dancing on the surface, towards the never-ending fantasies of freedom forever pulling you towards the next horizon. Except now there is an anchor wrapped up in your tail, with a low, humming purr filling your body and quieting the restless whisper in the undercurrent of your blood and gentle claws tracing patterns over your ribs, all brazen ferociousness gone for listless limbs and a sleepy murmur whenever you shift.

There’s still a pull, a need to see, try, explore more. But maybe you don’t need to leave everything behind to feel free. 

from undertow. I feel like this is the closest I’ll come to writing something about Luca’s “teenage rebellion” need for freedom that might lead him to neglect friendships/relationships for fear of being smothered again, and becoming comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability and being tied down.

Also this line:

You don’t want him to be in love with you unless it hurts.

This whole thing from ch2 of Back Home:

“Do you still love me?” you ask again, but now your breath is slow and calm because you know the answer. But you have to ask. Just in case. 

You know the answer because he’s ripped your heart out and sown it back together; replaced old, festering scabs with gossamer threads of promises and gently placed it back inside. It’s still a fragile, ugly patchwork, but he’ll keep replacing bits and pieces of old hurt with new hope until it’s whole. You know it because he has scratch marks and bruises down his back and neck colored by your love and rage, because he lets you ruin him to save yourself.

You know it because you believe him more than you believe yourself.

“More than anything,” he says in a firm voice, as if it’s a fact as natural and definite as the sun rising and setting. He picks the smoldering stardust off the floor, breathes life back into the stars and places them back into your eyes. He smothers the flaming rage in your veins and replaces your blood with love. Because he loves you. You love him too. You love him more than anything and it hurts more than anything. But it’s worth it for the blissful, warm silence when he looks at you and you know he’s seen everything inside you and still he wants to. He makes your heart into a home and you let him. No matter how many times you tear it down in all-consuming fits of rage, he puts it back in order and you let him. He wants to make you better and you want to let him.

yayyy I love breaking Alberto and putting him back together again<3

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Maybe how drastic the shift from only writing smut to never writing smut was? haha. Dgmw, I still write smut, but I just... don't finish it. Idk, it always ends up pushing up against things I'm uncomfortable with, or I write myself into corners. I feel like they're always things that aren't really a big deal, but they turn into massive hurdles in my head. And while writing smut is fun, I eventually end up feeling like I'm just writing the same things over and over. Which, y'know, is still fun and doesn't mean it's not valuable! I guess I just get really self-conscious over baring my ass on the internet.

On a more positive note, I think I've managed to keep a bit more distance to my writing. I do often get stuck with writing, and that frustration used to encompass everything and be... not great for me mentally. I used to obsess a lot more about feedback and get really bummed out about "underperforming" works and compare myself a lot to others. Now it's more like... I just chuck stuff I think is neat up on AO3 and don't think much more of it.

I’ve also experimented a lot more with style than I expected, and I guess found my voice a bit more!

ALSO how much Luca POV I’ve written. I still feel like I don’t understand the guy, but he’s fun to write. Alberto POV tends to become ... dark, lol.

[winderlylandchime]

I actually had QueerAnon as my number 1 podcast omg. Hopefully that tips off Jordan and Randy that they need to get their asses back to recording.

I honestly think the therapist knows about the show. I mean from what my brother has told me about him, the guy is around the same age as my brother and they’ve talked about movies, tv shows and music so I feel like he either knows it since the beginning or went to look it up. But the idea of him not knowing and just knowing my brother will lose his mind when his beloved show is over, is equally funny. I mean my brother vented to him about Brian getting cancer and about Ethan so he’s seen him at his worst throughout this show.

And as for the last few episodes: His plan is to watch them all at once. One after the other. Today. So I hate to report that the ‘straight man watches qaf in the year of our lord 2023’ is officially coming to an end. Do you remember that scene in Finding Nemo when the fishes try to escape from the tank and the starfish says ‘THE TANK IS CLEAN!’? Well he woke up today, walked into the kitchen and quoted the whole scene but changed it a bit, so it was: ‘good morning! Todays the day! The sun is shining, im watching the last episodes and I am finishing the sho- IM WATCHING THE LAST EPISODES!’ He even filmed himself and sent it to our family group chat and to his friends thinking how funny he is and immediately afterwards I got bunch of texts from our cousins, our uncle, our parents and 3 of his friends. And literally every single one of them is worried how he will handle it. My cousins basically said ‘good luck’ (they know how it ends and they also told majority of the family). My uncle is now fully involved (but only for his entertainment purposes) but he does think my brother might experience a mental breakdown after he sees the finale. His husband and him over the weekend watched the finale to try and judge how he will react and according to my uncle when the credits rolled, his husband looked at him and went ‘oh he is soooo fucked.’ And his friends told me that he told them he thinks it will be a happy finale bc no way would anyone do all that and then not make sure they end up happy, together and in love. They even brought up the Iron Man aftermath and im worried they’re right. So heartbreak is inevitable.

I will try my absolute hardest to send updates as soon as we finish the finale. But I apologize in advance if it either ends up being sent really fucking late at night or really fucking early in the morning. I already know I’m gonna be a mess watching the finale (i think I’ve seen it only a handful of times, maybe even less) but i am not ready to witness that first ever heartbreak due to the finale that my brother is only hours away from experiencing. It’s been years since I first saw it and i still remember how much it hurt so rip to the straight man. So who the fuck knows what his reaction will be to literally any of the next 4 episodes but especially the finale.

I'm guessing that the tumblr fandom is responsible for that podcast's listens this year. And I do hope Spotify wrapped sends up the bat signal that they need to make more episodes! C'mon Jordan and Randy!

I agree, it is just as funny for the therapist to think "I have no idea what is going to happen but Brother Anon is so unhinged about this, no matter what, it's going to be a crisis."

RIP to the tag "a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023" after this week. Btw, instant regret for choosing such a long tag but oh well! I'm not even christian! It is NOT the year of my lord... lol.

I'm glad the whole family is aware that this is going to ROUGH (understatement of the year) on your brother. I think having some things to help him immediately will be helpful - an episode of QueerAnon, a bts youtube clip, a favorite fanfic - and maybe letting him know there is a whole group of us cheering him on? Like he's heartbroken but he has friends he never even knew were out there? IDK.

Good luck. Don't worry about what time your messages come in. I have a super busy day tomorrow, so if I don't get to them, that's not a sign of anything. I just have a doctor's appointment (where I will *not* discuss qaf with my doctor) and then a bunch of appointments straight through until night.

Good luck and godspeed dear sweet anon. I have the feeling you're going to need it.

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

I posted 903 times in 2022

286 posts created (32%)

617 posts reblogged (68%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@thatgirlonstage

@thebibliosphere

@fluffyblue-multifandommess

@penny-anna

I tagged 789 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#kyd - 264 posts

#blue fandom ramblings - 154 posts

#blue personal ramblings - 126 posts

#vent post - 45 posts

#critical role - 31 posts

#goncharov - 22 posts

#blue's writing hell - 20 posts

#cr spoilers - 19 posts

#witcher - 18 posts

#bnha - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like.... part of me is. actively worried about these children which. are. completely. made up. i do not have children i do not want children

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Image description: The red buttons choice meme. It’s a two-panel comic. In the top panel are two red buttons, with a finger hovering over them. The first button is labeled as “going to therapy”. The second button is labeled as “Redeeming the lord of hells”. In the second panel, we see a person wiping sweap off their brow, obviously having a difficult time choosing. The person is labelled as “Zerxus”.

Based on something Aabria said in the post-finale chat the cast did on twitter (link).

75 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#4

i can’t believe Todoroki canonically helps Izuku take thirst trap pics

116 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#3

how in the fuck do yall expect to get more queer content when every time a queer show or movie comes out you harass everyone involved like i dont give a shit how self-righteous you think you’re being by forcing this “queer content should be made by queer people” bullshit all you’re doing is fucking the whole community over. you’re literally harassing our own people and giving them reasons NOT to keep creating queer stuff

the more you harass creators and actors of queer content into coming out of the closet when they don’t want to, the less queer people are going to want to make queer things

you’re all fucking idiots on top of being giant assholes

152 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

#2

yall remember that video where the actors who play Steve, Nancy and Jonathan are on an elevator, and Steve and Jonathan start making out?

That, but with Steve in the middle, and Nancy and Robin on each side deciding to make out with each other

188 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

nearly every sci-fi/fantasy piece of fiction involving immortals i’ve ever read: Immortality gets boring and/or downright miserable after a while. death is what gives life meaning :/

Hob Gadling: Immortality is the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me. Am I miserable right now? Yeah sure. Am I gonna stay miserable? Fuck no. Immortality is fantastic baby

267 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

.

[guendalynkbrennan]

I miss Cat Grant.

[kylie-writes-stuff]

“wife”

pairing: corpse husband x reader (female)

words: 1,714

requested?: no (send some in tho pls :) )

plot/summary: felix invites his friend, y/n, to play among us when they need an extra player. her and corpse get along well

authors note: so this isnt that good and i know a lot of corpse fics use a similar plot. i just wanted to try to write for corpse. hopefully things i write for him in the future are better. let me know what you think tho! also i really wanted reader to be best friends with karl bc i love him sm. uh every swiggly line is like a small time skip. this was written late at night btw and i didnt take much time to go over it

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

You sat up from laying down when you heard your phone ring. You looked at the caller ID.

Felix.

"What's up Felix?" You ask with a small yawn.

"Aww, how sweet," You hear in the background.

You giggle and ask, "Is that Sean? Hi Sean!"

"Yeah, we're playing Among Us and need an extra player. You down?" Felix explained.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes. See you soon, whore"

"Bitc-" You hang up before he can finish.

You got up and turned off your TV, going to get ready. 

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You quickly tweet out that you're going live and say something on your insta story as well. You start your stream and slowly watch people flood in.

"Hey everyone! How are you guys doing?" You wave and smile, reading the chat.

"Everyone doing good, awesome! And i'm sorry to anyone having a bad day. I hope i can brighten it a bit!"

"Okay, sorry i didn't give you a further notice. I didn't even know i was gonna stream. Felix invited me to play Among Us so... here we are!"

You quickly join the discord and pull up the game, putting a cover over where the code goes.

"Hello?" You ask as you join the call. A chorus of greetings came your way.

"(Y/n)?"

"Karl!" You smile brightly.

Karl Jacobs was a good friend of yours. You would play on the Dream SMP sometimes. When you would, it would mostly be you being stupid with Karl and Alex, also known as Quackity. You were even a well know citizen of El Rapids.

"LET'S GOOOOO!" He yelled, making you laugh.

"Hey (Y/n), do you know everyone here?" Sean asks you.

"Um," You quickly scan through the names, "no, i don't think so."

You recognized names but you only personally knew Felix, Sean, Karl, and Ethan.

"Oh my god! Your voice is so cute!" Pokimane exclaims.

You giggle softly, "Thank you Poki!"

You're voice wasn't high pitched or anything like that, you just always spoke very softly and calmly. You were also a bit quiet.

Felix introduces you to those that you didn't know.

"There's one more person we're waiting for," He says.

While everyone waits, you and Karl run around each other's little characters and make jokes between yourselves. You mute yourself to read donations every once in a while.

You hear the discord chime, signaling that someone joined the call.

"WAIT CORPSE! DON'T SPEAK YET!" Felix yelled. "We have a new player. This is my friend (Y/n), say hi to her"

"Hello (Y/n)," Corpse said. You were taken aback by how deep his voice was but you didn't show it.

"Hi Corpse! Nice to meet you!" You said happily.

"Okay, how is she not freaking out?" Bretman said, making everyone laugh.

"Uh, (Y/n), do you mind letting me have black? It's cool if not.." Corpse asked gently.

"O-oh sure, no problem." You were usually black with the pink flamingo hat, but you ran over to the little computer and changed your color.

"Simp," Ethan mumbled, knowing you never switch from black.

"Thank you," He said, then the game started.

The word “Imposter” appeared on your screen in red, yours and Corpse's characters underneath.

As the game started, you thought no one could hear you so you spoke to your chat. "His voice was so deep, what the fuck? Holy shit that was hot, i'm gonna-"

"(Y/n)," Rae laughed, "You know we're playing proximity chat, right."

You blushed as you realized and said "Ha, anyways..." and ran to start faking tasks.

You ended up in electrical with Karl. "(Y/n)! My good friend, my buddy, you would never kill me right? Haha..." He said.

"Of course not, Karl! My good friend, my buddy. Why, I'm not even imposter," I said as i quickly dipped into the vent and back out, making him laugh.

I decided to show him because I knew Karl wouldn't say anything, and it's funny.

"Oh that's good then. Are you sure you're not imposter?"

"Mhm, pretty sure," You said, going back in. As you came out, Sykkuno walked in and froze.

"Uh, (Y/n)?"

"Fuck... Karl run! Go!" You said, Karl starting to leave. You walked closer and quickly killed Sykkuno then vented to security.

"That was close..." You told your chat.

You saw Corpse as you made your way around the map and walked into navigation.

"Hey, Corpse, how ya doing?"

"Ah you know, good. Just being crewmate and all."

You stifled a laugh, "Oh yeah I feel that, buddy."

"Yeah because there's no way that i'm imposter. No way i could be faking tasks and there's no possible way you could be the other imposter" He said quickly.

"For sure. Hypothetically speaking, though, if you were imposter, how many people would you have killed by now?"

"I would say probably around two."

"Interesting," You said right before a body was reported. It was Sykkuno's. Felix and Rae were also dead.

"WHAT!" Corpse yelled.

"Where was the body at?" Sean laughed.

"Uh I found it in electrical," Bretman said.

"I'm pretty sure Karl was in there earlier."

You calmly said, "It's not Karl, I was with him for most of the round."

"How do we know the two of you aren't imposters?" Sean asked.

"I was alone with him, he would have taken the chance to kill me."

"No, he's your best friend."

"He's also ruthless,"

"TRUE! SO TRUE!" Karl yelled.

"So skip?" Corpse asked.

Everyone agreed and the voting was skipped.

The next round, I spent with Ethan. He was pretending to be mad at me because Sean said Karl was my best friend.

"What happened to Blue Boi Buddies, huh?!" He exclaimed.

"Neither of our hair is even blue anymore!" You argued back.

You were in reactor with him when Corpse and Poki walked in. He hit the lights and you took it as a sign to double kill. He killed Poki, you killed Ethan, and the two of you made your way to electrical to help fix lights.

You and Corpse went the opposite direction of reactor after the lights were fixed, Karl going with you.

Poki's body was reported. That double kill only left you, Corpse, Sean, Karl and Bretman. You only needed two more kills.

"I still think it's Karl and (Y/n)," Sean said quickly.

"I was with (Y/n) the whole time," Corpse said, "In fact, I think it's you."

"That does make sense. Why so quick to accuse others, Sean?" You ask.

"It's not me!" He yelled.

"I actually agree with Corpse and (Y/n)," Bretman said.

"I was with you!"

We all voted for Sean, him voting for Karl. Sean was ejected.

When you load into spawn, you wait for the kill cool down and kill Bretman, saving Karl.

"Victory" appeared on your screen.

"God damn it!" Sean yelled.

"Good job, (Y/n)," Corpse said lowly.

You smiled, a slight blush on your cheeks, "You too Corpse."

"Their voices go together and they're a fuckin dream team? What have i done...," Felix sighed.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

A few more games went by. Most of them you and Corpse spent together, whether you were both crewmates or if one of you was imposter.

You really enjoyed his company and you actually got along with him pretty well.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

"(Y/n), before we get serious, I have one question to ask you." Corpse said as both of your characters stopped.

"What's that?" You giggled.

"Do you know Bingus?"

"Bingus? As in, our lord and savior, Bingus?"

You could hear the smile in his voice, "It's settled, you're my wife now."

This made both of you laugh and your chat go crazy.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

Eventually, people had to start leaving. You said your goodbyes to everyone and left the discord call and the game.

You set stream to where it was just your face cam.

"Guys, what should we do now?"

You saw some people asking what time it was for you.

"It's 3 AM right now... I’m not tired though.” You had been streaming for a few hours; You never even noticed how late it got.

People in chat were yelling at you to go to sleep, making you chuckle.

“How about we do a quick QnA, then at 3:30 I go to bed. Deal?”

You watched as the chat filled with questions. They obviously seemed to like the idea.

“‘Who is your best friend? Karl or Ethan?’ Neither, Alex Quackity. Next question.” You answered quickly.

You laughed, “I’d like to clarify that that’s a joke, i love all my friends equally.”

You answered more questions. Some were from new viewers asking basic questions, some were about future streams and videos. 

“‘How do you feel about people shipping you and Corpse?’“ People are already shipping us?” You laughed, “I’ve said before that I’m okay with shipping, as long as the other person is too. I think it’s funny.”

You continued to read chat. “Wait, we’re trending?”

You checked Twitter and “#(your and corpse’s ship name)” was trending in the US.

You laughed as you scrolled through the tag, “Oh this is so funny.”

“Fanart already?! You guys are so talented!”

You read chat, looking for more questions. You saw people telling you that it’s 3:30.

“Okay fine, a deal’s a deal. I hope you all have, or had, a great day and I’ll see you guys later. Depending on what time it is for you, you should also get some sleep. Stay hydrated, love you!” You ended stream.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

You scrolled through Twitter as you laid in bed, liking fanart and dumb memes. Also replying to a few of your friends’ tweets.

karl :) @/KarlJacobs_

@/(your username) what the honk ?

*clip of you saying Quackity was your best friend*           

You liked the tweet and replied, “karl no,,, look away,,,”

You continued scrolling, feeling your eyes get droopy. Your eyes fell closed but quickly opened when your phone vibrated. It was a DM. 

From Corpse.

You two had followed each other earlier.

Corpse: hey (y/n), just wanted to say you’re really cool and i’d love to play again with you soon 

You smiled, a light blush spreading across your cheeks, and replied.

You: i’d love to, corpse

Corpse: ok, see you soon ‘wife’

You: back at ya, ‘husband”

Corpse: :)

You: :)

[nicki-the-butter-lord]

Hi I'm Nicki and I love butter a normal amount!!

/srs btw.

~some of my nicknames~

-butter man

-butter lord

-butter babe (<3)

-gay icon (bet you're glad they weren't all butter related!!)

-Nick (I'm fine being called this but it gives me less of the gender vibes.)

Who I am:

-an alter in a DID system

-aroace

-happily married (/nsrs and also /not romantic) to @im-gonna-eat-your-eyes and @kurayami-no-menba!!

- illiterate (/j, but I do make a lottt of typos and I often don't bother to correct them.)

-an adult in body and mind!!

Some of my boundaries:

-I ask that the following don't interact here!!

Minors UNLESS MY SYS ALR KNOWS YOU, THEN WE'RE GOOD ((sorry kiddos :(

If you're transabled/transage/transracial or a supporter!! ((Get help and get away from me <3

Discoursers/Syscoursers!! ((I'm here to have a good time, genuinely fuck off.

If you're against microlabels and xenogenders!! ((You're an ignorant piece of shit <3

If you're uncomfortable with the usage of the word queer. ((I'm gonna be using it untagged!!

If you're uncomfortable with the f slur ((I will ALSO probably be using that untagged!

If you're uncomfortable with completely platonic/lighthearted pet/nicknames, this may not be the safest space for you because I use them a lot!!

-I ask that you help me keep my page light hearted and don't tag me in anything heavy, or send me a vent ask or submission without explicit permission. That said don't tell me whats too dark. That's for me to decide honey, not you. /lh

-I ask that you don't try to legitimately make an advance on me unless you're one of the two people tagged above!! I'm SUPER not comfortable with that.

-I ask that you make yourself at home!! This is a vibe corner and I hope you'll enjoy vibing with me~!

Some of my tags:

-#salted (good/positive posts like memes and vibes.)

-#unsalted (bad/negative posts which there shouldn't be too many of here!!)

-#sweetened / #not safe (NSFW)

I'll add more as necessary!!

✨️~enjoy your stay~✨️

[kitkatopinions]

It's hard NOT to speak up when something you used to love and had so much potential gradually turns to shit. I know some former fans just dropped the show and discourse (mostly as a result of V6 and V8) but there are those of us who have to step up and point out WHY this happens!

Not gonna lie, it's hard for me because I hyperfixate, and it's really hard to stop talking and thinking about things that I hyperfixate on. Before I made this blog partially as a way to vent, I felt like I was annoying and driving away my sisters because I kept talking about RWBY - even though that wasn't the case, since both of them also had major problems with RWBY and we've all always enjoyed dissecting and bashing media. Still, that's how I felt, and when I'd make myself not talk about it, I'd just sit there thinking through everything I would say over and over again in my brain.

I don't think RWBY simps really understand how hard it is for some people to just drop things. Ever since I was a kid, I've latched onto things and made them part of my personality and have felt unable to detach myself from them, and have struggled to not talk about it frequently. My siblings would pick fun at me for having randomly latched onto and become 'obsessed' with C-3PO. I became so wrapped up in the Superhero world my siblings and friends and I invented at the age of eight or nine that the characters I invented for it still live rent free in my head now in my mid twenties. I was so obsessed with the book The Thief Lord that I checked it out of the library so much over the course of two years that the copy was basically mine and barely touched the library shelves. I got so invested in Harry Potter and specifically the character of Snape (I can't control who I latch onto, don't @ me) that I read through almost every non-romance driven Snape-centered fic that had existed on fanfiction.net during my fifteen year old days. Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sonic the Hedgehog, Spider-Man, Loki, the fricking Office... Seriously my siblings once invented a song about the things I wouldn't stfu about when we were all very young that included McDonalds and Linus from the Peanuts. (This was all in good humor, don't worry.)

Once I started hyperfixating on RWBY, it became really hard for me to just not talk about it, not think about it, not pay attention to what's going on with it. On top of that, I'm a stubborn bastard, and the single fastest way to get me to dig my heels in on something is to give me an order or tell me I can't do something (of course, unless that thing is literally immoral.) So yeah, I was never going to stop doing something that helps me vent about the hyperfixations I can't just stop myself from having (believe me, I've tried) just because some people don't want to filter tags.

Even more than that, I fully believe that there's no such thing as perfect media or media that's above criticism and bashing. Even my absolute favorite movies and TV shows and video games that I love and adore get dragged, because it's fun. But, of course it's harder to watch something you love become something terrible, even if it was always deeply flawed. It's frustrating and it's tiring and it's a little confusing. And on top of that, if a series has harmful messages or racist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-Semitic, or sexist jokes, narratives, or choices, of course no one should have to stop talking about that! Whether or not it was intentional by the writers or not, no one should feel obligated to not talk about the ways that a piece of media hurt or angered them with their portrayals or messages, and the members of the groups affected should be listened to with sympathy and understanding.

The idea that if someone has a problem with this piece of media that the writers are trying to sell to us, that they just need to A. never watch the show again, and B. shut up and never talk about it just in case someone gets the show 'ruined' for them by seeing criticism or bashing... That's just... So highkey ridiculous.

[thirdhandidiot]

HELLO LGBTs

DONT YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR A REVOLUTION?

NONE OF THE OBEY ME CHARACTERS ARE CIS BECAUSE I SAID SO, ITS TIME WE START PROJECTING ONTO THEM

•i want to see non binary Satan who couldn’t understand why talking to people was making them angry and started lashing out for seemingly no reason, having to go to Lucifer in a fit of angry tears, desperate for help because it hurts so much, why does it hurt?

•I want to see Beel, who passed so easily, worried his twin would grow to despise him because he never had the same ease transitioning socially, getting called the girly one of the two, always being smaller, weaker next to Beel, and Beel hates it so much, he feels guilty

•I want to see Miku Binder Levi projecting onto fictional characters to avoid thinking about his own problems, wearing baggy clothes and locking himself away, jealous of the other brothers, scared of rejection

•I want gender fluid Asmo, proud of their ability to seemlessly shift between presentations, calling mammon in tears, begging him to come pick her up from this guys house because he’s yelling slurs at asmo, who is sobbing please don’t call me that and they won’t stop

•I want to see the great mammon, who is so confident one day, but the next can’t stand the sight of his body, especially when he shifts and you can see his scars, barley hidden by his jacket, who always feels like his screams are just a little bit too high pitched

•Lucifer, so proud, hurt by memories of before, presenting hyper masc at times, afraid to show any emotions because even though he knows it’s not true, he can’t help but think people will see his as more feminine, and he can’t do that, not again

•I want Belphie, who pretends it doesn’t bother them. ‘Why should I care what some lesser demon thinks of me?’ but is kept awake at night, when everyone else is asleep, no one to help as they spiral in insecurities, their voice echoing in their head, the cruel words twisting, stabbing–

•Lord diavolo, whose parents had been so relieved because ‘that means you can be king– we were so disappointed when you were born female’ and it never sat right with him, even though he’d been lucky enough to transition young

•Maybe even Luke, who only Simeon knows is trans, getting upset when he’s called chihuahua because my voice isn’t that high, is it? But determined to stay closeted and so never being able to tell them why they should stop, and he’s not that small, he’s an average height for boys his age he’s checked, so many times

–But I also want to see sleepovers between the brothers (they agreed it was simpler to keep calling themselves that and that it was better than letting Mammon or Levi pick a new name) where they, just for one night, put aside the bickering and tormenting eachother just to make sure the others are ok, because they all know that they’re struggling in their own ways, and for one night they all sleep in the living room, eating food, watching comfort movies and following whatever self care routine it is that asmo is on currently, everyone gets a face mask, no you can’t opt out lucifer, you’re working too hard again, you’ll get wrinkles and that just won’t do, let us take care of you– and Levi! When was the last time you washed your hair?! That won’t do, come with me, let me do it for you I have these amazing bath salts I just know you’ll love

–I want Diavolo, helping them all transition as quickly and as secretively as possible after he finds out. He wants to be there for them, ever since that night lucifer came out to him, sobbing, pride forgotten because he doesn’t want to be that person anymore. He can’t, he spent too long living that lie for his father, he just wants to be free. Simeon telling him he’s changed and being so proud of him, you look so much more relaxed. Diavolo being so happy to know that lucifer is happier because he struggles to talk about it because Lucifer still believes he‘s wrong or broken in someway, pride too much to overcome, but when it’s just him and diavolo, sometimes he can talk about it, lift a weight off his chest

–I want to see them big eachother up in the way that only siblings can, oi that jacket looks good on ya, can I steal it? I’m gonna get junk food because I deserve it, what do you want? I want them to support eachother on bad days, just silently making them tea when they’ve started into space just a little too long, ruffling their hair on the way out. I want a deal between them to let the others know if something is showing in public, whilst in the house being comfortable enough and trusting eachother enough not to judge because really, they’re all in the same boat here

I can’t be the only one here guys. C’mon. Let make this happen. Tag me. ANYTHING YOU POST I want to see it, I want to see your vent art, I want to hurt with you as you project your troubles, just so that your not alone. @7fckingidiots made a Post Abt the Brothers amd it was my final snapping point, Ive got so many little sketches of Satan, they’ve become my muse for any practice drawings, amd I wanted to say something before but yea, check out their post guys I’ll try Link it. But I mean it, tag me, I want to reblog everything you do, make our own supportive family

[mshermia]

8, 14, 16, 20, & 21. For the asks please 💙

Hellooo, anon!

Here we go!

8. What is an (existing) fic that you wish you wrote?

hmmm. That's a good question. I'm gonna go for @polaroid15 's Of Flying and Falling because a) I *adore* that fic. It gives me all the feels from hilarity to absolute heartbreak. It's such a rollercoaster but also a really satisfying read.

and b), I absolutely adore polaroid15's writing. I love the imagery and how vivid it feels.

Please go and check it out if you haven't read it yet.

14. Do you tell the people in your life that you write fanfiction?

(I've actually already answered that one, so I'll refer you here ;D) The short answer is: only a very limited number of people in my real life know that I write fanfics.

16. What’s the one thing you wish readers would understand about being a fanfic writer?

I think the one thing people tend to forget is: for most of us, this is a hobby. This is fun and we do it because we want to play with the characters of a universe that we adore.

Still, it's a lot of hours that people put into basically providing free entertainment and sometimes I wish readers would be a little more mindful of that and remember to spend 2 minutes after reading a fic (or in the middle of it), to say a couple of nice words.

20. What’s the best or/and worst piece of writing advice you’ve ever received?

The best writing advice I think I ever received came from a script competition for an ad for the New Zealand tourism board that I participated in about... wow... more than a decade ago.

They had a little clip of Peter Jackson (director of the Lord of the Rings, as I'm sure most people will know) giving "advice" and one of the things he said was:

Never write something to fit other people's tastes. Always write something that you would love to read or watch, because odds are, if you like it, there will be other people who like it too. But trying to write to other people's fancy is chasing an ever-moving target that you can't quite see in the first place.

21. What one piece of advice would you give to new or aspiring fanfic writers?

Find a buddy in the fandom you're writing in who also writes (or if you write OG stuff, someone else who does too.).

Writing can be a really lonely exercise. Having a buddy can be helpful to talk through story ideas when you're stuck (for me, it often helps just talking about it to someone. I'll often fix my own dead-ends after I explained the problem to someone else), but most of all, it's great moral support. If you need to vent over a senseless comment you've gotten or about a story not getting the recognition you thought it might, having someone who goes through similar things is incredibly helpful.

(A quick shoutout to @spagbol99 & @tufteatsunglasses for being great as enduring and enabling the occasional rant ;P )

tumblr is a great place to find like-minded people, so don't be shy trying to connect!

Also: if you write fanfiction: the AO3 tagging system is a fucking godsend. Use it. Nobody's gonna find your story if you don't use the tags.

thanks so much for the asks!! :)

ask list

[gas-station-trackphone]

Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans

Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?

the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M

the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite

broken record by spunknbite, rated E

the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”

literally everything by stitchy

like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did 

the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E

ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10

let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E

OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah

a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E

another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T

angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing

collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E

a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.

the greater fool  series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E

this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must

brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E

27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.

let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M

speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!

walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T

unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger. 

in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E

post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates

pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E

high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending

like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M

adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute

no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E

richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk

a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E

another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love!  also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic

adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T

AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart

the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T

eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.

now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E

it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves

signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T

one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT

broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E

back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately

eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M

for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it

love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E

okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?

the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E

eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time

richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M

a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up

september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T

cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites

go west by ssstrychnine, rated T

road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again

the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M

character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic

circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M

soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible

tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E

college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending 

predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E

i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read

there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long

feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!

[spectraspecs-writes]

Tatooine - Chapter 108

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 107. Chapter 109.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

I find myself waking up early, far earlier than I meant. But then I’m amazed I got to sleep at all, or even stayed asleep. The nightmares were awful, but I couldn’t wake up. I felt like I was being suffocated by that mask but I couldn’t pull it off. Revan’s mask. My mask. No. No. Revan’s mask. Because I’m not Revan, I don’t know what she knows, she doesn’t know what I know. Or knew - what she knew. I’m a scout. Revan was a killer. A murder. A Sith Lord. I’m not Revan. I’m not.

T3 stayed with me the whole night after Carth changed our course. And the engine isn’t making any noise, so I guess we’re here. Tatooine.

And it’s morning. I suppose I should go check, shouldn’t I?

The cockpit is empty. Carth’s not there. He’s not in the main hold, either. And I don’t sense him in the port side quarters. I guess he left. Not that I blame him.

I’ve got to get out of here. But not like this. Not these robes. This isn’t me. I’m not a Jedi, I’m a scout. And out there is a world I haven't explored. All I looked for was the Star Map. All I cared about was the Star Map. But this is not a dead world. Not even a desert is dead. Where there is life, there is water, and where there is water, there is life. That’s one of the first things you learn as a scout.

But did I even learn it? If I’m Revan, then…

No. No.

A Jedi robe does not a good scouting outfit make. The copious lack of pockets alone makes it a poor choice. I tie up my hair so it’s off my neck, and pull out a soft white tunic. And my vest. I’m torn between shorts for the heat and pants to fight the sand, but I eventually settle on a loose pair of pants and sturdy boots. I keep only a single lightsaber in my pack, opting for my swords instead. I’m not a Jedi. I'm a scout. A lightsaber is a weapon. A sword is a tool, far more versatile in use. I have my sunglasses. Now all I need is my droid. T3 doesn’t need much prompting. Like he doesn’t want to leave my side.

Much as I hate it, Czerka is the only game in town. They’re the only ones sending people into the desert. I could go alone, but that’s not a good idea. The clients always have insurance if something happens - it’s in your contract. They pay for whatever you find, even if all you find is pain. You never go out alone. I need to be myself, even if that means taking one job with Czerka.

This is good. I missed this. Missed my vest. Missed myself. But it isn’t myself, is it? Who the hell even am I? I remember being a Republic scout, I remember turning over rocks, discovering insects I’d never seen before. Watching eggs hatch and documenting what I saw. Seeing lemurs hang from trees by prehensile tails. Leaves no one had ever seen, trees no one had ever seen! I remember finding a hot springs on Utapau! Spending the nights on the rocks while we analyzed water quality, microbial landscapes, geological makeup, or just plain swimming! Are those memories even real? Do those insects even exist? Those eggs, those lemurs, those leaves, those trees? Is there a hot springs on Utapau? Where did the data come from? What was real?

But I know. Whether any of that was real or not, anything I see today, anything I find today will be real. Anyone I meet today will be real. My memories here will be real. Maybe I wasn’t a scout before. But I will be today.

I step into the Czerka office - the same representative is there from the last time. “Greetings from the offices of Czerka Corporation.” The disgust I feel is thankfully different than the disgust I’ve been feeling for myself. “How can I help you?”

I pull up my Republic file, my fake scouting record. Doesn’t feel fake. “I’m a scout,” I say, “with a specialty in ecology and droid repair. Do you have any expeditions going out?”

She hums a bit, reading over my record. “According to this, the Republic holds your contract. Czerka corporation has no interest in any legal disputes with the Republic.”

“You won’t have to worry about that,” I assure her, “The Republic violated my contract, and the mission I was on came to an abrupt end when the Sith destroyed the ship I was on.

She hums again. “I suppose that is a risk when your employer is at war.” Tell me about it. “For long-term employment, however, you would have to fill out an application with Czerka headquarters. Business hours only, please.”

“I’m not looking for long-term contract negotiation,” I say, “This is just for a one-off freelance gig.”

“I don’t think our teams would have much use for an ecologist,” she says, looking back at my file, “but I am interested in your technical skills.” Better than nothing, I guess. “Our mining teams have had difficulty keeping the machinery functioning. As I’m sure you know, sand has a tendency to interfere with machinery. How soon would you be able to start?”

“I’m willing to head out now,” I say, “What’s the pay rate?”

“When you return at the end of the day, you will receive 150 credits.” She transfers a file to my datapad. “This is a standard contract. It stipulates that Czerka corporation is not liable for any harm sustained on the Dunes. Any disputes you may have with Czerka Corporation will be settled through binding arbitration. When you return to this office you will receive 150 credits in exchange for your work.” I don’t expect any problems, nothing I can’t deal with. And despite what she says, you can’t absolve yourself of all liability when you send out scouting teams. It’s been galactic law for the past two hundred years or so and there are scouting organizations who take it very seriously. Czerka tries to skirt the law but it never lasts. Scouts who know what they’re doing hold them to it, or threaten to call in the authorities. And Czerka tries to keep all that on the down-low, paying off officials, making donations, counting on the ignorance of the people signing the contracts. If I was doing anything other than a one-off gig… well, actually, you should just shoot me if this was anything other than a one-off gig. But anyway, if it were anything but that, I’d get into it myself. No one is expendable and they can’t pretend to be ignorant of the hell they’d catch if they tried to say otherwise. Even so, I sign the contract but I’m not even sure it’s legally binding. Rena Visz doesn’t exist. I’d have to sign Revan’s name but I don’t know what it is.

Nope. Nope. Nope, I don’t want to think about that.

“Excellent,” she says as I transfer the signed contract back, “There's a speeder outside - input your datapad and it’ll direct you to a set of coordinates. You’ll meet one of our mining teams there.”

And that’s that. I load T3 into the pilot’s side of the speeder and input my datapad, like she said, and off we go, onto the Dune Sea. The speeder takes us past the Czerka marker points, past even the Star Map. I can feel it calling out to me as we pass it. And it feels different, so different, from how it felt… oh God, it was barely last week. It felt like such a long time, so much has happened. I met Jolee, Bastila and Canderous got together, Kashyyyk was liberated, Carth’s son, Carth… Carth! That happened! That happened two days ago! And now… he probably hates me now. And I can’t say I blame him. If T3 wasn’t driving, I would have stopped. Because its call is so loud, so strong. And I can’t tell if it’s calling for Rena or Revan. But T3 drives on, and with distance the call fades. It doesn’t go away but it fades.

The speeder pulls up to a cave and slows to a stop. The sand is different out here. Still sand, of course, and a very fine sand, at that, but it’s dirty,. Soot and smoke from the machines. Polluted. To think what this sand could have given with care. Something like this doesn’t happen naturally. There’s nothing I could do about the state of this world now. As if anyone would listen to me if I could. Not even the Sand People, I think - they would surely feel the same way, but I can never know the same as they do. They should be the ones to rehabilitate the planet. I am only another outsider with an opinion. And besides, this is a stable state now, any massive changes, if not done slowly and carefully, could just as easily land the world in a worse state as it could a better one. And it’s not my place.

I have to assume it’s the site foreman who comes up to me. I get T3 out of the speeder. “You the Czerka droid tech?” he asks.

“Droid tech, yes, Czerka, no, but suffice it to say I’m here to help,” I say.

He chuckles. “You hate the bastards, too, huh?” he asks rhetorically, and I shrug and nod. “I don’t know why we're still out here, the ore’s no good, and the machines hardly work with all the sand. You’ve got your work cut out for you with fixing.”

“I’m hoping for it,” I say, “in fact, I’ve got something that should make everything easier.”

“What? You’ve got a way to teleport us off this rock?”

“I wish,” I say. I set my pack down on the speeder and open it. I’ve got an old shirt in here. “The machines stop working because sand gets into the vents and clogs with the gears and the works. Close off the vents and the machine overheats, but leave them open and the sand gets in and they’re useless.” There’s the shirt. “So what you need is a way to keep the sand out and prevent overheating. And we’re gonna do it the same way the animals do.”

“But that fabric will hold the heat in,” he objects.

I scoff. “Yeah,” I say sarcastically, “because I’m stupid.” I indicate T3. “Check out his vents - does he look like he’s overheating?”

He stoops to look. Sees the fabric under the vents, and around the joints. “I don’t believe this.”

“Then watch me. Got a machine down?”

He indicated a machine near the mouth of the cave. “Just pulled it out a little while ago. Started sputtering and smoking. We’re down to just one - if that one craps out, we’re stuck mining by hand.”

Easy enough. “T3, help me get this open.” T3 has a laser cutter, and he carefully lasers off the seal on the large access panel. I can pop it open with my panel tool once the seal’s off. Tool, panel, open - yep, the wires are loaded with sand. I shut the vents off, because the first step is to get the sand out, and I don’t want it getting to other parts of the machinery. Too big to tip over and dump out, so I get in and sweep.

This is a good feeling. I can do something with this, and the machine won’t care who I am or what I’ve done. Won’t care that I had no idea who I was when I woke up this morning and I still don’t. Won’t care that I can’t help but hate myself for atrocities I don’t even remember committing. Won’t care that I have two people in my head, two sets of memories even if I can’t access one set, and no way to reconcile them. Because I can fix this. And even better? Revan can’t take this away from me. Because I invented sand shields, not Revan.

Okay. Sand’s all out. I tear the fabric to a more reasonable size, popping the panel closed with my foot and T3 welds it shut again. The vent should be… there we go. Doing this outside could prove a little tricky, more sand could get in while I’m putting the cover on. Quick work is needed. I pull my vest off and use it to cover the majority of the vent, except for the bolts, which I set to work getting off. Once the bolts are off, I quickly whisk the vent cover off and put the fabric in its place. Then I put the cover back on, and replace the bolts. “That should be good for most of the time. It might need replacing after a sandstorm, but as you could see it wasn’t that difficult to do,” I say to the foreman, “And this is more basic that what T3 has, but like I said. It gets the job done.”

Still skeptical, the foreman turns the machine on. With a healthy whir it comes to life. He comes around to the vent and holds his hand in front of it. Waiting. A few seconds later, he looks at me, then back, then me, then back again. “I can feel air coming out,” he says simply, surprised, “This… but it’s so simple! But it works!” He turns the machine back off. “This could solve half our problems. This is great. Did you come up with this?”

Yes, as a matter of fact, I… wait.

I… I remember.

No.

“The sandstorms aren’t the worst of it, Master Jedi.” Someone said that. A long time ago. “It’s the sand. It chokes out the machinery. Our engineers tell us there’s nothing they can do to stop it, but it’s leaving us like sitting ducks out there.”

“And the Mandalorians don’t have the same problems?” That’s me. That’s my voice. But… not me. No.

“Not that we’ve seen, though damned if we know why.”

“Maybe they’re using a different power source,” Hanna said. Who’s Hanna? She was my best friend, but who was she? I don’t know. I don’t know.

But a thought struck me. I don't know why or how. But it came to me. Revan. Me. Revan. She pulled her robe off and tore it. “The insides of the machines are sealed up tight, with no way in or out. Except the vents.” She pulled out her lightsaber. Green one. Held it on the metal, where it met the fabric. The metal melted and fused with the fabric, and when she removed her lightsaber it cooled and the fabric stayed. Sand shields. The very first sand shields. And she must have refined the process… because that looks exactly the same as the sand shields on Hk-47. Revan built HK. I built HK.

“No,” I finally say, “I didn’t.” Because she took it from me. Revan took this from me. That was my accomplishment, something that I did, something I achieved and she took it from me. My stomach turns. This is going to be the rest of my life - every single thing I’ve ever done, every good thing that’s ever happened to me, poisoned by Revan. I’ve done nothing. Revan has. Nothing good ever happened to me. It happened to Revan. Carth was the only good thing and Revan spoiled that too. I can’t have anything. Revan will only take it away.

I don't feel so good.

I fall to my knees and retch into the sand. I can’t stop it. Everything hurts. Everything burns. “Get some water!” the foreman shouts, “She’s got sun sickness!”

“It’s not sun sickness,” I manage to say, forcing the words out.

“I’m not willing to take that chance,” he says, “I’ve lost more than a few miners to sun sickness, I’m not about to risk another.”

“I’ll be fine,” I repeat, “It’s not sun sickness, I’m positive.”

“Oh, yeah, doctor?” he says sarcastically, “Then what else could it be?”

Well… there really is no way to tell a perfect stranger you used to be a Sith Lord and it’s destroying your life. So I shake my head a bit. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

He doesn’t believe me. He hands me some water. “Drink this slowly. And let’s get you back to Anchorhead.”

“You send all your miners back to Anchorhead when this happens?”

“You’re not one of my miners. You’re from the company, and in their eyes you matter more than these miners.” T3 gets loaded into the speeder first, then the foreman helps me in. Makes me feel even more like shit now - not only did Revan take sand shields away from me, she’s taking away what could have been a good day’s work. I wasn't even out here for an hour!

I try my hardest not to cry. No one would get it anyway, and I’d just come off as a pitiful little girl. Because it turns out none of my memories of dealing with that are real and I have no idea how Revan would have dealt with that. Because it turns out that at heart I’m a terrible person even though I don’t want to be.

“I know it doesn't seem like it,” the foreman says, “but you did a lot of good today. Those machines are a lifesaver for my miners. If even just one of them keeps working because of this, you’ve saved us a lot of pain.”

Maybe so. But none of that makes up for all the pain Revan caused. There is a massive debt of blood owed that Revan accrued, that I could hardly begin to pay back. I've already, personally, accrued a debt, but it was easy to justify - I was trying to stop Malak, stop the war, and in doing so would save countless lives. But Revan started the war. Revan is responsible for the deaths of billions, Republic and Sith. Not even counting the Mandalorians from the last war! Saving the lives and limbs of a handful of miners doesn’t begin to make up for that.

When we get back to Anchorhead, the foreman tells me to wait in the speeder, so I do. He’s gone for maybe five minutes before he comes back. “You’ll find 250 credits transferred to you,” he says, “She wasn’t happy about it, but you saved the company way more than that, so I persuaded her to increase your cut.” He gets T3 out of the speeder while I pull myself out. “I’ll make sure the rest of our machines get shielding under the vents. And thanks again, really.” And he speeds away, back to the mine.

I don’t want to go back to the Hawk. I don’t want to go to Manaan. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t. Maybe I can get passage on a freighter out of here. Actually join the Republic scouting corps. Or, hell, maybe the Sith. Mandalorian. Aratech. Free-lance - just to actually do something. To feel something other than hatred and anger. Because there’s no way I could hope to make up for all the shit I’ve done that I don’t even remember. Not by finding the Star Map, not by ending the war, nothing. And staying and doing all that only increases the chance that I’ll hurt the people I care about. The only way to avoid that is to just… go. Run away. Take T3 and just go.

I find myself at the cantina. That feels about right. So I go in. “Hey!” the bartender shouts to me, "You can’t bring that droid in here. It’ll have to wait outside.”

Oh, hell, no. I’m not leaving him. And I think I could get away with a little intimidation. I look at a bottle resting on the bar. Reach out with the Force and lift it high above his head. “How about now?”

He looks from the bottle, to me, to T3, and back to the bottle. Decides it’s not worth it to argue. “Just don’t cause any trouble.” I gently set the bottle back down and take a seat.

[erin-epica]

Woop-de-doo, it's Lord Scarlet stuff part 2

This was a post I planned on making WAY sooner, but I accidentally lost the original draft so I didn't even bother to try doing it gain until recently. And just now something happened that changed everything; and I mean what both DID and DIDN'T automatically give me the right to post this. I almost deleted my first post at that, and here's why:

In the first post, I mentioned that when I initially found out Vic was lying to me, I was quiet about it and just stopped talking to her out of fear, and then when I asked for help on what to do I was told to leave without a word. I don't think that was entirely the right thing to do in the long run, because it may have been the easiest way out but I'm better off with proper closure.

And the thoughts she left me scarred with never left my head. Time and time again, I'd find myself crying myself to sleep again at the thought of Brock forced to hide romantic feelings for Master Frown and not know who he was anymore while Frown was left unaware and in love with someone else, even if it wasn't Lord Scarlet.

And the pain sometimes came with a want to confront Vic one last time and open up to her about how I wasn't blind anymore, and how much she really hurt me. But I, again, wass scared she wouldn't care and would cut me off.

So when the pain got worse, I did what any coward would do: tell everyone else about my pain.

Now I DID tell friends of mine other than the Unikitty Amino staff about what happened, and they were all sympathetic and understanding about it. But then I told almost everyone, and then made my vent post on here (as well as Wattpad). As much as I wouldn't want to call them call out posts, they might as well have been. I didn't want people to harass Vic and make her mad...but at the same time I kinda did. I was too scared to face her that I was hoping that someone would do it for me. I even tagged accounts of Vic's. Not cool of me at all.

Now the Tumblr and Wattpad posts got me pretty much more of the same: sympathy, and acceptance that I had moved on. No one came after Vic but we could still agree that none of her actions were justified (I even got @careeningle's attention...sorry about the aneurysm)

Now comes the next important thing that happened, because I mentioned @friffinx kinda being responsible for me getting back to the Lord Scarlet Amino to write the message that I did. In it, I said that after I sent the message I did I would leave the Amino again & for good.

Well...I lied. I still checked in every day for the same reason I started venting: I kinda wanted Vic to see my message. Even if she'd ban me, I wanted to see if she'd ever notice my message. And that would've been the end of it if it wasn't for Brook.

I briefly mentioned Brook in the last post. She was another OC of Vic's, and was exactly to Brock what Lord Scarlet was to Master Frown; a carbon copy love interest. Except Lord Scarlet was far more developed and drawn & written about more. Brook didn't even really have a distinct personality, she was a girl Brock and that was it. But with reptilian overlord eyes. (To be fair, Vic drew Brock like that sometimes too)

(I didn't include Vic's art unless it was in chat bgs or whatever in the last post, but for the sake of referencing/proving a point, this is what Brook looks like)

No one really paid attention to her for the longest time. She was there in the fanfics because according to Vic, "Scarlet needed a friend." And like I said in the first post, Brook wasn't said to be canon so I never found a reason to really care for her. Plus I can only recall someone giving Vic fanart with her, and it was with Scarlet (@plastic-papercuts made it, go follow her she's gr8).

But then one day, for some reason, something in me clicked. I actually thought of a story idea for her. Somehow this bland cutout of a character had potential in my eyes, and I weirdly started liking her because of it. She suddenly felt...more real. I got pretty invested in my idea and newfound interpretation of Brook, and describing it would make this post way longer than it is so if anyone asks about it, I'll probably make a whole other post about it.

Anyway, I came up with a little plan: draw out this idea in the form of a comic and post it to the Lord Scarlet Amino. And see if Vic gets suspicious and checks out my profile and then maybe bans me. It felt a bit better than total silence and she'd probably see that someone gave a crap about Brook after all.

So I started a new chat called "It's Brook" to share my progress with the other members of the Amino, which there weren't too many of but we had fun in it. It was basically me, @friffinx , @soapycocacola, @plastic-papercuts, and a few others who aren't on Tumblr (or at least don't think are) chatting about how awful Vic was and calling out her lazy art tactics like tracing and using assets/clips right from the show. And of course me sharing the comic progress I was making. Again, this doesn't make anything we did right but it felt good getting everything off our chests. We were like a secret rebellion against an absentee dictator. One time Vic came online as we were chatting and even viewed my profile, but nothing happened. And it stayed that way until I opened Amino up one morning. For those of you who don't have it, the menu shows all the communities you're in when you open the app, and all of mine were there except for the Lord Scarlet Amino. I assumed I must've been banned overnight. But I wasn't banned from Vic's other Amino so I commented on her wall on that one. For Vic's sake, I won't show how the conversation went (and I'll explain why at the end) but here's how it went:

Me: Did you ban me from the LS Amino?

Her: There was drama in one of the chat rooms and I'm not having it. I didn't want to do it and it's not a big deal It's just an amino and you're still on this one AM I RIGHT?

Me: Yes, but I assume you read my updated bio. As I hoped you would.

Her: Nope.

Me: Oh. But you know what? Ban me from here too for all I care, I feel like you deserve to know why I left and came back: *insert me finally telling her how I know she lied, that she hurt me, and what I did was wrong here*

Her: Lol ok be that person but keep in mind that I'm one of those people that doesn't gibe a fuck lol

And then she banned me from that Amino too before I could type and submit a fitting farewell reply.

At least I finally got all the built-up emotional pain out of me, but it did help me realize something important: we never really were friends. I wanted more of her content despite all her red flags as a person so I tried enduring them, thinking it'd be worth it, and she only kinda cared about me when I was being a yes man. She never kept any promises and didn't respect me the same way I did her. So I could at least feel confident knowing she most likely didn't care at all when I first left.

@friffinx and the others didn't get banned, though, and Friff even started another chat on the LS Amino called "It's Brook 2" where they talked more about Vic being a terrible person. And it didn't take long for her to shut that chat down too and ban everyone from it that time. Friff sent me screenshots of what happened next (which again, I'm not gonna show), where Vic basically had a meltdown. She changed her username to "Little Miss Guillotine", and made a post about her being "finished with the bushit". In it, she announced that she didn't even like Unikitty! anymore but was still gonna keep/use Lord Scarlet because she wanted to. The part that made my blood almost boil wasn't her views on the show, she's free to have her opinion and I couldn't care less about it. What DID was that she acknowledged that she lied the whole time because "she didn't care anymore" and said that it was "our faults for believing it in the first place" and that "we needed to grow up"/"stop brining it up"

Ooooh boy, victim blaming, my favortie...

Since then she changed the Lord Scarlet Amino's theme to make it about The Penguins of Madagacar (again, fine with me). Either way she was still a narcissist and I thought she'd, sadly, likely never change. And my friends and I all thought that was the end of it.

Until a few hours ago...

I was browsing the Unikitty Amino and saw a new member named BlueCat. Didn't think anything else of it until the user PMed me. And this is what happened:

I didn't know what to think other than "I thought this day would never come", I was that shaken. This was so left field-ish that what else could I do but believe her? It didn't even seem suspicious or like she was trying to be a suck up, that wasn't Vic at all.

But the one thing I knew I had to do was ban her because even if she meant well and did it for the right(?) reasons, but I still asked if I should in the staff chat. @girly-glorious (also amazing so pls check her out :D) told me that yes, it was ban evasion so since I'm a leader too now I could to it on my own. But I knew I had to message Vic first and Girly told me to be careful, so this is what I sent:

And then I banned her, the end (not really)

Now I don't understand how or why this sudden behavior change happened but I don't know if I should question it in case it's personal. But again, I at least want to believe that she's really being genuine and had a change of heart because never in a million years could I imagine her being this mature. Again, she didn't demand that I forgive me or probably even expect me to. But the message still does leave me feeling sorry for her.

Now I thought that was the real end of it until I see the Penguins of Madagascar/old Lord Scarlet Amino on my sideboard.

She unbanned me.

Now I don't know where we'll go from here, if anywhere. I'm not too sure if I can really let my guard down around someone who hurt me so badly just in case she does it again. So I may not talk to her again, but if she really asks something from me, I might try and build up courage to ask her more about how she came to apologizing to me. Plus she followed me on Wattpad too.

But this is why I didn't show our conversation right before my ban or her "f.u." posts. Because I don't want people seeing more of Vic's past behavior and possibly embarrassing her about it if she ever sees this. But that's kinda why I felt like it was 100% necessary to finally make a sequel post in the end; I'm hoping people at least acknowledge Vic has changed and don't keep thinking about based on what I shared out of attempts to gain sympathy like a crybaby.

So before I go: PLEASE, DON'T GO AFTER OR HARASS VIC. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON'T, BUT THIS IS SERIOUS. ALL THE PROBLEMATIC LORD SCARLET DRAMA IS STUFF OF THE PAST AND NEITHER OF US WANT TO KEEP LOOKING BACK ON IT.

I hope this helps whoever's reading as much as it did me.

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)