almostlost

[trashbatistrash]

,

[allastoredeer]

I have no problem with al being a bottom, I just have a hard time with bottom king lucifer as a top. May I have examples to try and see your side?

Exhibit A:

Dat smirk.

Exhibit B:

Soft Top Lucifer

Exhibit C:

Demon Top Lucifer

Exhibit C:

That sexy shoulder bop

Exhibit D:

Look at this guy.

Exhibit E:

Obvious one.

Exhibit F:

I just wanted to post this one cuz I like his smirky little face.

LOL no, seriously though, there's no specific way a character has to act or behave to be deemed a top, bottom or switch. It's a preferred sexual position that isn't dependent on outside factors, it's just what a person enjoys, and what the reader/viewer wants that character to be. That's essentially what it is. It's not based on logic, it's based on what position the fan prefers for them to be in.

Lucifer could do his sexy little shoulder bop and still be a bottom. He can give the most suave, seductive smirk and still be a bottom. It's different for everyone.

But as for why I like top!Lucifer, here are a few reasons:

A) I really like it when shorties top. So often, in almost all fandoms I've been in, the default for a popular ship is the shorter one bottoming and the taller one topping. As a shortie myself, I just...ugh, I get so tired of it. Especially since the bottom is typically softened, UwU-ified, and turned into this delicate little flower. Bringing personal feelings into this, I've been very short and very thin all my life. I've literally been described as "delicate" before, and as someone who enjoys sports, running around, and is just a loud, rough and tumble person by nature, I absolutely hate it. It's given me a lot of mental and emotional issues, and a lot of the treatment and comments I've gotten has made me feel belittled, vulnerable, and weak. So, while being a bottom doesn't mean you're any of those things, short characters have been treated like that for a majority of the fandoms I've been in, no matter what their personality, stature, behaviors, or attitude was, and seeing it brings out of love of dark and negative feelings that I'd rather not re-live when I'm trying to enjoy myself in fandom. (Which is another reason why I dislike so much bottom!Lucifer because he's so often softened down and turned into this naive, dare I say, helpless little lamb. The moment Alastor overpowers him or easily manipulates him into a deal, I am outta there.)

B) Lucifer has that top energy. Can't explain it. He just does. To be clear, I don't see him exclusively as a top. He's a switch. But I do headcanon Alastor as exclusively a bottom, so in any radioapple relationship I write or draw, Lucifer will top.

and C) the most important reason: I like seeing Alastor get railed.

Alastor bottoms in all the ships I have for him and Lucifer is no exception. Besides, I find a lot of versatility and potential in Lucifer being with/fucking a sinner, especially considering his distaste of them. Makes for a good hate-fucking scenario, or a very emotional and in-depth character deep dive of him coming to terms with his own bias and internalized hatred of them and finding love and companionship in one of the very people he despised. That's some delicious mental turmoil and the perfect opportunity for character development.

(LOL there's a lot of talk of Alastor not bottoming because of his ego, and yet nobody considers that maybe Lucifer wouldn't bottom for Alastor because he's a sinner. He is the embodiment of pride after all. So, combining that with his disdain for sinners, would he really "stoop" so low as to let one of them fuck him? Food for thought).

But seriously though, when it comes down to it, I just like Alastor bottoming and Lucifer topping. Yes, bottom!Lucifer and top!Alastor has been soured for me due to popular fandom depictions of it, but even before those were popular, I simply preferred Alastor bottoming. I enjoy it more, not just for his character, but just...because. I just do.

Thing is, I don't think there has to be a list of reasons for why you prefer a character topping, bottoming, or switching. People are allowed to do whatever they want with these characters. It's fandom. This is a playground. We don't have to have a reason, we're just here to have fun.

If you can't see Lucifer as a top, Anon, that is a-okay 👍👍Thanks for asking for a different perspective though, it's always awesome when a person seeks to understand someone else's point of view. I don't know how well of a different perspective I offered, though. I have a hard time answering questions like these bcuz they just don't make a lot of sense to me. It's hard to say why I like something when I just...do. I just vibe with it.

To boil it all down, my examples/answers are all based on what I like and how I feel. I like bottom!Alastor cuz I enjoy it. I like top!Lucifer because I love seeing Alastor get railed - especially by a big, powerful demon king. Very yummy.

Also, LOL, considering Alastor is exclusively a bottom to me, anyone I do ship him with will automatically be the top, regardless of who they are XD So I guess that's an important factor to consider too 😂

I don't know how well I did with answering this, but I do want you to get the perspective you were looking for, so! My fellow bottom!Alastor truthers who are reading this, drop why you like bottom!Alastor in the comments below for our lovely Anon!

I'm curious about what you guys have to say too.

[onlylove4louis]

Hi 👋🏾 I run @interviewiththevicious

I kept seeing your name alongside @nalyra-dreaming and I really like your takes! You have such a keen way of overlaying the book and series context that makes me glad to be in this fandom.

I was a fan of the movie as a kid and hated Armand till the AMC adaptation. Now he’s my second favorite character. Though to be fair I have avoided reading the books because I’m more of a show fan and want to see how they adapt the book lore. I try to tip toe around potential spoilers but feel I have a good grasp on the key points and characters thought books 1-3. Well, except Armand.

Sorry I’m rambling. I’m just very interested in your thoughts on the character Armand. I’ve gleaned you don’t like him and the reasons you list are so insightful and make me feel I’m seeing the full character.

While I’m very interested in your perspective of the character, If this is a topic you’d rather not answer do you perhaps have some recommendations as to where I can look? If not that’s ok too!

(I hope this made sense, I’m not very good at communicating)

That's how talking about Armand makes me feel. Just a little bit completely unhinged, meowing at dead... cats.

But HELLO 👋🏽

Don't worry, you're doing great at communicating here, I'm actually rather terrible myself to be honest. So I hope I don't disappoint. I would love to answer this ask. It doesn't bother me talking about any of these characters, I love the discussions and insight into other fans thoughts, ideas, takes, theories. I also just love when people are passionate about fictional characters, whether I personally like the character or not, I'm here for the harmless joy of it. And if I can in any way help you understand or like the character in more, I will try... The only thing I will say though, is I wont be able to be of any help, finding Armand fans and Armand centered blogs. So hopefully, if you're a fan of Armand and/or have a blog that's Armand focused maybe throw your name in, so @plutt-o can have more likeminded fans/blogs to follow here?

Okay, but here goes, and I'll apologize in advance, I really can't tell when a post I make gets stupid long. So this may end up being a whole essay, or just a couple paragraphs. But okay, so...

My thoughts on Armand

First up, no, I'm not a fan of this character. He's honestly actually on the higher end of my list of fictional characters I dislike. So I come from the books, and I'm talking just over 20yrs of being a hardcore fan of this book series. And I never managed to come even close to liking Armand. He goes through quite an evolution, in the books, and I will say that is one thing I am looking forward to witnessing... in this series. Especially because they seem to be playing Devil's Minion out a bit in reverse. And that's sort of the lynch-pin I would say, in Armands transformation... To put it very plainly, Daniel and being loved by and perceived through Daniels love of him. Is what changes Armand. Very much for the better.

Now because you did state you try to avoid spoilers, I'll try my best to avoid getting into any real detail here. And you can either add onto this, comment below this or even throw another ask my way, or a message... if you would like to know more. It's completely up to you.

But moving from the books to the movie, honestly because I was such a fan of Antonio Banderes, at the time, I did manage to not "hate" Armand, in the 1994 movie. He was not Armand, BUT he did hit some of the important beats of Armands characterization. Especially in regards to his coven situation and his intentions with Louis. And, he did manage to pull off the believable desperation in "I could not save her, I could only save you!" Lie. In a way that did have me sympathetic towards him. That being said, still didn't like him. But liked him moderately more than the books. Now, in this series, this adaption. I have somehow managed to like Armand as a character even LESS, then I did from the books. Which is always rather bizarre to me, seeing as how some of the heinous atrocities he commits in the books, are not present in this on-screen adaption. At least not yet. And they're a good bit of the driving force, behind my dislike of book-Armand. As I just mentioned in a comment to another friend/mutual here... My thoughts on book-Armand and show-Armand are almost drastically different. And why I dislike him as a character, is different for both.

But again, in an attemp to avoid any possibly spoilers, I'll focus on just show Armand here...

So Armand, is a man who needs to be in control. At all times. And the level of that need, and the reasons for his need to always be the one in control... often come at the expense of others. His will to control is oppressive, to a destructive degree. And often times makes it impossible for him to be happy, and others around him to be happy... Lets start at the worst one though, for me. Love. You cannot control love. And it's part of the main reason why, he doesn't understand love. It's not something he can see, or get his hands on, he unfortunately doesn't know what actual love looks like or feels like. But he tries to control it, it's something he covets because it's not something he has. Like Assad said, "he doesn't know what this thing (love) is, but he knows he wants it". So because love is not something you can control, and he needs to be in control, he tends to suffocate it. Or crush it. And the thing is, he doesn't just do that for himself, but he does that for others. And there in lies, one of the deepest rooted reasons why I do not like this character. He is very much a...

If I can't have it, no one can.

Type of guy. He cannot be happy, so nobody can be happy. He cannot obtain love, so nobody can have it. And in his desire and desperation, and single-minded, selfish need to obtain love and control love for himself. He destroys it, and destroys those who have it. He destroyed Claudia, like she was no more than a fly on the wall, the buzzing of her wings bothering his ears. Why? Because Louis loved her. And she loved him. And he wanted that love for himself, so he destroyed her and that (what I call) heartline, directly back to Louis. Just trying to get it for himself. And because he doesn't understand it, he could not fathom why it effected Louis like it did. Why Louis would not and could not forgive him. Now I'm not a huge fan of Claudias character either, never have been. But from the book to the movie, to this series... I've still never and will never forgive Armand for that. And I don't know quite how Rolin managed it, but they've somehow made her death both not as terrible and yet WORSE in this adaption, than it was in the book. By allowing her to actually obtain happiness, and have her happy ever after within her grasp. And in such a way that it allowed for Armand to actually get what he wanted, which is a Louis without her. Which is what Louis himself tried to give Armand as well. In making Madeleine for her, and then having them just leave, while he stayed... So having Armand then snatch that away and destroy her anyways. When it was wholly unnecessary, is exactly what I mean with both; he cannot be happy, and he can't obtain love. So he destroys it.

Which actually leads me to the next part, Armand is unnecessarily cruel. And I say "unnecessarily" because his level of cruelty, exceeds any justifiable warrant for it. And what I mean by "justifiable" in regards to cruelty; for example:

Louis' taunting, emasculation, complete breakdown of everything that Santiago was, or wanted to be. Before just killing him. Was wildly cruel. Goes back to paralleling Lestat and that tenor. Only in the way of how he broke that man down to nothing, before slowly draining him to death. But this, this was VERY WARRENTED. And WELL DESERVED.

Armands cruelty, is not. His forcing Claudia to play that role, cruel... To not just her but Louis as well. His then forcing her to remain in the dress, an attempt at breaking down her psyche and deteriorating her mental state and will to endure. Why? To make her easier to control, to make her easier to destroy. Cruel... Doing whatever he needed to, to gain access to Louis; his home, his bed, his body, his heart. While simultaneously working to drive the two of them apart and break Louis himself down, so that he's more malleable for Armand. Using the fact that he was very broken and therefore very vulnerable to it, at the time. Using his knowledge of Lestat, and his ability to violate their minds and dig out their deepest wants, needs and desires. But also their deepest insecurities... cruel... Sleeping in Claudias coffin, and playing "house" with Louis, while he nightly plans Claudias murder... cruel. Turning Louis on/against Lestat, when he knew that Lestat is exactly who Louis would need to heal, after killing their daughter. And allowing Louis to believe it was Lestat, in order to retain access to Louis, and therefore the beginnings of his crushing the heartline Louis has to Lestat, his love with/for Lestat. Cruel... Spending the next 50+ years keeping these two apart, tearing at that line. While psychologically torturing Louis, in the way of allowing the guilt and grief and blame to eat away at Louis, like a cancer of the soul. Because it keeps Louis more manageable, more controllable. Cruel... Exacerbating his mental instability, while convincing Louis he's only protecting him, and that it effects Armand more than it does Louis himself. To the point that Louis can't trust himself or his own mind. Is unfathomably cruel. He uses Louis trauma and pain (a good chunk of which he himself caused), his loss, his depression, suicidal ideation and overall mental illness to keep Louis so low, that he can't even begin to help himself or climb back up. Breaks Louis down so badly that he's apologizing to Armand, comforting Armand, and gullible to anything, and apologetic to everything. Even just his inability to properly remember his own life.... Armand makes sure that Louis has only him to turn to, as a floatation device, even as he holds Louis' head under the surface.

CRUEL

And all because he cannot get the love that Louis has, in his heart, for Claudia and Lestat, for himself. So like Lestat said at the trial "crushing what you cannot own". Armand cannot own that love, he cannot OWN Louis. So he systematically crushes him. Unwarranted, cruelty. With absolutely no regard or care, to the permanent damage he's causing. All for the benefit, to himself. Singularly.

I think I went way farther than I meant to. I could keep going too, but all of that was just to make the point of, Armand is cruel. Without proper cause, justification, or warrant. And I say it's unnecessary, because there are multiple ways he could have gotten everything he wanted, including actual tangible happiness and love, without doing any of this. One of the main MAINY things I love about Louis, is despite the lack of proper unconditional love he himself was afforded in his mortal life. He's very capable and willing to love, he loves wholly and unconditionally. And while he may have problems speaking said love. He's very capable of loving more than one person, and has alot of love to give. And Armand could have had that, had he not worked so hard to destroy it, first. In his attempt to control it.

Last one I'm going to throw in here, before being a little nicer to Armand... He plays the victim, and he plays it HARD. It's like a mask and full body suit that he sewed to his bones. He seemingly does not know how, to be anything else. Doesn't know how to position or portray himself, in any other way.... And as someone who has genuinely been victimized and been subject to victimization, irl. I am very sensitive to people or characters, using victimhood or victimization as a shield or a weapon. I have no tolerance for character who use it to excuse their misdeeds and especially their cruelty, who use it as a reason or cause to abuse or victimize others. Or just generally use it as a get out of jail free card.

For a direct example, here: he can't be the one "in control" because he has to be powerless to stop it. He can't be the "master" because "yes maitre", because the one in control and the one who is master is the one who has agency. Is the one who has the responsibility to stop it. He had to betray them, because otherwise they would have "killed" him, and he had to be "powerless" in order to be unable to defend himself. He had to have no choice, therefore he wasn't able to make the choice, to save her life. He had to no longer be the coven master, in order for making Madeleine, to be a broken law. He had to be the one used by Lestat, so that he couldn't be the one to use Lestat. He had to be incapable of stopping Lestat, therefore he wasn't the one who destroyed his own coven (twice). He had to have no knowledge of the play and the script beforehand, therefore he couldn't possibly have had chance to prevent it. Because afterall, you cannot "script" a hurricane. So he cannot himself, be the wildfire, that consumes everything. He has to be the "good nurse", so he can't be "the gremlin". He has to be the dutiful servant, tasked to clean up after his mentally ill and soul-sick master, so he can't possibly be the one eating through his brain and heart; keeping him ill/sick. He has to be the one forced to protect, so he can't possibly be the one actively causing the harm. And so on and so forth.

Armand was a real victim, that's not debatable its simply fact. But he plays the victim in such a way that it allows him to position himself in any given situation, so as to best benefit from it. And the thing is, he tries so hard to play the "perfect" victim, completely misunderstanding the fact that there's no such thing as a "perfect victim". But he's so determined to play the role... that he cannot comprehend or fathom that he is the one victimizing others, and therefore is no longer the victim. So he's not the manipulator, Claudia is. He's not the orchestrator of the trial, his coven is. He's not the villain, Santiago is. He doesn't want Louis or Claudia dead, Lestat does. He's not using others, he's the one being used. He's not the abuser, he's the one enduring abuse. He's not the toxic one, Louis is. Etc. He's not the one in control, in their relationship, because he calls Louis Maitre. He's not the one taking away Louis' agency, or choice, because he's the one who doesn't have a choice or agency. He's not the one causing the mess, because he's the one cleaning it up.

I'll keep going if I don't stop... But I want to end this off with being a little nicer to Armand. The "understanding part: This part gets a bit icky, for those of you who do know Marius, and Armands origins. Even if you only know of him from the show... Armand was made into this. He was not born this, he did not just decide to be this. The horrors in his life, his trauma, Marius, vampirism and time itself... made him into this. Just like Lestat was made; scared, in pain, terrorized and traumatized. Abandoned, wanted only for his body and utterly confused about what love even is. Having experienced very little of it in his mortal life... And Louis was made; while depressed and grieving, suicidal and rejected, having seemingly lost everyone and everything. Scared, desperate and alone, beset on all sides. Claudia was made; in pain, scared, abandoned and alone. She was made having never known true love, always been no ones choice, always been unwanted. She was abused and traumatized and was never shown care or kindness. And she was made as a child, right in the midst of puberty. She was made while waiting at deaths door... Now Armand was made; also sick and dying. Abused and used, and like Lestat wanted for his body, and seemingly nothing more. He was not taught love, he was taught servitude. He was taught obedience and subjugation. He was taught "in kind". He was taught that happiness and everything else came only by sacrifice and for a price, it was never free and never something he could just have. Not something given, but something earned or something taken. He was taught that he didn't have agency and he was taught that he didn't have choice, or autonomy. He was taught, to play his role and nothing more. And that's where he was frozen forever in time, at. Followed by abduction and the integration and brainwashing of a cult. Marked by the believed destruction of his master, and the trauma of being forced to watch and even kill, his only real friends. And his only real prior chance at genuine care and love. He was forced to watch it be destroyed and was forced to help destroy it. Then was forced to consent to his abduction and abuse. So he quickly learned, that the only real safety, the only real stability, the only real agency and autonomy he could obtain, the only real peace... was within the parameters of his control. If he's in control he can't be hurt. If he's in control only he can really choose, so if he's in control he has a choice. If he's in control he has agency and autonomy over his life and his body. If he's in control he can never again be subject to anothers control. If he's in control he chooses, who lives and who dies. Within his control, even out of control in his control... not even the sun has any sway or command over him.

-- That's it for now, I'm cutting myself off. This is excessively long 😅

[all-for-the-game-confessions]

Omg lolol shit’s getting wild abt the Thea Kevin Jean argument

This is longer than I intended to make it but oh well

TW for mentions of rape and rape culture, and the to some perceived as wilful ignorance of those close to rape victims (mind you: I do not mean to say they are actually wilfully ignorant, merely that some may interpret it that way).

Also trigger warning for a very unpopular opinion at the end and a perhaps patronising tone occasionally (I am in fact aware of this and not in the mood to change it. Sometimes I want to emulate that annoying condescending bitch vibe. Go suck a dick about it.)

Lets start first with: trauma isn’t comparable and shouldn’t ever be. It’s like comparing apples with pears: a pear cannot be the best apple and the apple cannot be the best pear, they are simply not the same. Every person is different, has different circumstances, different interpretations, different reactions. To compare one person to the other is just plain stupid.

Now that that’s established, let’s move on to the next point: Everyone in a cult is a victim, except for the leader. There are certainly those that should be held responsible for their actions, but in the end, they too are victims, no matter how horrible and selfish their actions. Thea, unlike what many people think, was NOT aware of the abuse Jean and Kevin went through. This is IN CANON confirmed by Jean as he says that he and Kevin did their very best to hide Riko’s abuse from the other Ravens. Thea would not have known that Jean was raped, and if she knew that he was 16 y/o she likely wouldn’t have seen him having sex with the backliners because there was in fact a borderline rape culture in the nest in which everyone fucked everyone mostly to get rid of frustrations they couldn’t let interfere in their game on the court. To Thea, it would not have been that weird as Jean and the backliners were already on bad terms and sex was just way to vent that. Upon reflection she might realise that it was fucked up, but with no outside contact and thus no way to compare her current situation with reality, it was extremely unlikely for her to think too deep on it.

Now on to the Thea hate reasons. It’s stupid to make up a moral reasoning for your dislike of a character. I think many people feel as if simply disliking someone is not enough and they need to justify themselves toward the crowd and moral reasoning is a very effective tool in some cases. I also don’t think anyone is purposefully making up misinformation about Thea just to use that as moral reasoning for their dislike, I think they are simply misremembering and haven’t bothered to double check. I do condemn them for thinking Nora would let one of the most important characters in the story be endgame with a groomer. Like…… come on.

I also don’t think people necessarily hate Thea because of race. I think a lot of people didn’t know that Muldani was a SE Asian surname, myself included, and I don’t think when they saw her described as black/dark skinned they purposefully and consciously decided that was the reason they were going to hate her. I think the anon that accused people of disliking her bc of race didn’t mean it like this but the accusing tone makes it sound as if they do think that

Now if we’re talking about SUBCONSCIOUSLY disliking her due to her race OR her gender That is very much possible. Racism and misogyny are subtle like that. If you want to see if you have any of this subtle stuff in your brain, your best take with Thea is likely comparing her to other characters you do like who have similar dynamics or traits and then asking why you don’t like them in Thea. This is probably also what that anon meant but they worded it a bit unfortunate. I am a very positive thinker as you may have noticed. Anyway. Take Jean and Renee, they have a four year age gap (Neil mentions in Trk that Nicky was 23 and the second oldest in the team after Renee, meaning Renee is 23 or older. This is either during Nicky’s trauma dump moment in the library, or earlier when he tells the upperclassmen and Neil abt the twins’ backstory). If you still like Jeannee regardless, ask yourself why you don’t like it with Kevin and Thea. If you don’t ship Jean and Renee, then Jean and Jeremy, they have a 3 year age gap.

If you don’t like that Thea ‘acts’ as if she doesn’t know Jean was raped, then why do you find it okay that Kevin doesn’t know. Because it’s said in canon? Kevin was more aware of Riko’s cruelty, Thea had to be shown Jean to be convinced by Kevin that Riko or Tetsuji or any of the Ravens (as she didn’t know who had broken Kevin’s hand) that Kevin’s hand wasn’t an accident. If you can forgive Kevin for his ignorance, why can’t you extend the same courtesy to Thea? If you don’t find a good answer for those questions or any similar to them, ask yourself why that is. If you still don’t like Thea that’s still completely fucking valid. You don’t have to like her. She wasn’t exactly presented as a beautiful and kind goddess with the sun shining perfectly behind her (Do not interpret that sentence as me saying Thea or black women aren’t beautiful kind goddesses, leave those ideas behind in Delululand. Thea was just not presented as such. Significant difference. ) and you’re allowed to dislike or even hate characters without any solid reason for it, just beware that it’s not your subconscious talking

Which brings me to my next point.

I am fully neutral on Andrew and Renee. I don’t mind them as characters and I don’t mind them in certain ships with characters I do like, I just don’t care for them at all.

So let’s make our next discussion topic: why is Riko more interesting than Andrew and Renee combined? I don’t ship him with anyone, in fact, I ship Andrew and Renee far more with people than I ever will with Riko but something about him is just so so so fascinating. Like a car accident so horrible and wild that you need to know all the physics about it, everything that happened every minute leading up until the moment of the present, in which you are left with a gruesome wreckage of a character. I wanna carve him apart inspect every piece of him and where it comes from and how it echoes through the expanse of time. He had no control over anything in his life so is that why he hurt Kevin and Jean so much? Only his sadism seems so superficial. He calls himself a king and yet he was a puppet. How much of him is his inferiority complex, how much is love and how do those he love fit into his worldview and how much does he want to be loved? Is he a sociopath? A narcissist? A normal boy taught the wrong thing? Could he have been different had he not lived with Tetsuji? If Tetsuji had never mentioned to Kengo that he wanted Kevin and thus Kayleigh was still alive, how would being alone in the Nest have been for Riko? How would his relationship with Nathaniel and Jean been different without Kevin. Why is he nice in front of the team? Why is it that only Kevin and Jean know how cruel he is? I HAVE QUESTIONS

.

[juniperwoodwell]

How ADCU characters would react to a s/o, who admits she's Insecure about her body.

Parings: Adam Sackler x F! Reader, Flip Zimmerman x F! Reader, Phillip Altman x F! Reader, Kylo Ren x F! Reader.

Warning(s): Cursing, 18+ content, Groping, Innuendos.

Word count: 2k

A/n: Sadly I've been feeling a bit down about myself and decided to write about the boy's, honestly I hope reading this helps you as much as it did for me. Enjoy ❤️

Oh, also. The photos were edited by me, I found them all on Pinterest.

Adam Sackler

He wasn't too surprised by the confession when you told him one night; he could tell by how shy you were when you started dating and began trying things out in the bedroom.

He didn't know how to bring it up or console you properly; usually, he'd immediately change the subject when you felt insecure about something. To you, it came off as him being uncaring about your insecurities, but one night you decided to bring it up.

"Hey, Adam.." You said quietly; your back was to him as you lay in his bed.

The question ran through your mind, keeping you awake. His arm wrapped around your front and pulled you against him,

"Yeah, Kid?" his voice was groggy from sleep.

"Why do you always change the subject when you notice me becoming insecure about something?"

 "You seriously want to talk about this now?" He groaned and nuzzled his face into your neck, but you sighed and slipped out of his grasp, sitting on the bed and crossing your legs.

"Yes. It's bugging me, and If I don't know the answer, I won't sleep."

 Another groan escaped his lips, missing your warmth as he sat up, leaning against the wall.

The warm lights from the window illuminated his skin with a golden glow; you sighed and picked at your nails.

 Adam grabbed your hand and quickly pulled you into his lap, tucking his head into your shoulder. His hands slid from your naked thighs to your hips, slipping under your (His) sleep shirt. Your breath hitched when his hands touched your stomach, and you immediately grabbed his wrists.

"Adam...Please don't."

"Why not? Why are you so ashamed of this?" He squeezed your sides for emphasis.

"I-I...I don't know. Maybe it's because, in high school, I desperately tried to be the hot skinny girl?" You joked,

"Really?" Adam asked, obviously not catching on.

"No, Not really. I...I guess it's just because I'm putting so much effort into losing weight, then not seeing any progress. It's always been this way. I either can't gain any weight or lose it. I used to get upset when I got stretch marks on my thighs or when my sides got pudgy."

Adam removed his hands from under your shirt, taking both of yours so he could interlace your fingers. He kissed your shoulder. "That's stupid."

 "Adam...Don't put down my insecurities."

"Why not? They deserve it. They're useless and only make you doubt yourself. I say screw it. Stop caring about how much you hate or dislike your thighs or belly. You're beautiful not by just how you look but by your personality. Though your appearance definitely adds to it."

"How can you say that?" You asked, closing your eyes as he continued to kiss the exposed skin of your neck and shoulders.

"Because I fucking love your body. I love how thick your thighs are, especially when they're trying to crush my head like a watermelon. I love how squishy your belly and sides are. It gives me something to hold onto when I'm railing you into the mattress. Oh, and don't get me started on your ass because I know you're insecure about that too. It's my favorite pillow. Knocks me right out."

His words were accompanied by a squeeze or poke to each part he mentioned. Making sure you knew just how much he loved the things you were insecure about. He realized the subject-changing method wasn't working, so he decided on a more... Physical  approach.

Flip Zimmerman

Flip's reaction was similar to Adams, but he couldn't wrap his head around how such a beautiful, intelligent, and talented woman could be insecure about herself. He wasn't sure how to console you, but he was determined to learn how.

He started by asking questions about your insecurities, always confused by the why and how. It irritated him to know that someone made you feel  this way about yourself. No...Not irritated. It pissed him off beyond belief, but he would never let you know that.

One night, he takes the situation into his own hands, quite literally. You two were preparing to go to the park's fall cookout park.

You stood in front of the mirror trying to fix your dress, you hated wearing them, but you thought you'd try the pretty housewife look. Biting your lip, you flopped your hands to your side, giving up.

"Hey, Stop that." Flip's low voice startled you out of your self-criticizing thoughts.

 "S-stop what, Hun?" You asked, Turning to look at him as he finished buttoning up that lovely red flannel you asked him to wear.

"That whole nitpicking thing you do when you try on new clothing. You look gorgeous in that dress. -actually, you look gorgeous in anything you wear...or don't wear" He smirked, his eyes gleaming mischievously as he walked over to you, taking your hand and turning you to face the mirror again.

He wrapped his arms around your middle and put his chin on top of your head, that smirk growing into a smile as he watched the blush blossom on your cheek.

"You tease" Your voice was small; He always managed to distract you from your negative thoughts

"My pretty little Wife." He moved his head to kiss your cheek. "If you don't like the dress, I can always rip it off your pretty little body and show you just how beautiful you are with and without it."

"Oh shush, we don't have time, Flip."

"Like they're gonna care if we're late,"

 You scoffed. "Late? Honey, With you...We'd miss the whole event"

 You rolled your eyes, seeing Flip smirk in the mirror.

"That wouldn't be so bad?" His hands slid down the sides of your dress, he pulled the skirt up, but your hands grasped his wrist before he could get too far.

"Yes. Yes, it would, Zimmerman." You smiled, meeting his eyes in the reflection.

"If we stayed home, I could show you all the ways to love your body." Your head turned to meet his gaze, that mischevous glint now replaced by a low gaze and lust-blow pupils. You patted his chest,

"As much as I'd love that...And really, I would. I promised the guys at the station I'd bring those cookies you all like."

Flip groaned and kissed your head. "You or those delicious cookies...Toughest decision of my life." Together you laughed, and you pulled away.

 Swaying your hips as you left the bedroom, knowing he'd be watching and following after.

"It better be me, Honey."

 A new wave of confidence found its way into your heart and mind.

"Always, sweetheart."

If Flip could love your body so damn much, So could you.

Phillip Altman

Philips's reaction was very childish, as were most of his reactions to things you tell him. He mostly laughed in disbelief. But he settled down when you put your hands on your hips and bit your lip.

"Holy shit, You're serious." His eyes were wide.

 As I said. Disbelief.

 "Yeah, Pal. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I-I don't know? You always seem so confident in the stuff you wear; you're like the queen of confidence. It radiates off you like the fucking sun. It shows in the way you walk and the way you talk."

You shook your head. "It's not really confidence, Phillip. I just like the clothing I wear."

"Liar, You know you're hot. You have no reason to be insecure. People should be insecure because of you and all your..." he moved his hands around the air, "Hotness."

 "Hotness?"

 "Yeah. You're fucking hot." You rolled your eyes;

 Phillip sighed as he stepped close to you. His hands ghosted up your arms, not touching but close enough to feel the heat. His hands cupped your face and squished your cheeks as he kissed you; he pulled away and gently shook your face

"And you better fucking believe it. Okay? Because If you don't, I'm gonna keep doing this until you do."

He smiled and kissed you again and again, Only stopping when your fingers wrapped around his wrists. "You believe me yet? Little punk?"

You smirked and shook your head, "Nah...I don't think this method is working."

"Oh? Then what will? Huh?  How about this?"

Philip let go of your face and fell to his knees. He stared up into your eyes like a love-sick puppy.

"Oh fuck...Phillip...Get. Up." You laughed;

 He shook his head as his hands grabbed the backs of your thighs, squeezing and kneading them through your jeans.

"Phillip," You groaned; you loved his hands, how big and warm they always felt. He knew it, too.

"Hmm?"

"Stop it." You grabbed a fistful of his hair before he could shove his head between your thighs; he groaned loudly at the feeling.

 "SHit- Do that again." You smirked at his request, tugging his hair again.

"You mean this?" He shut his eyes, groaning again.

 "Yess...Your hands are so fucking addictive." He opened his eyes, meeting your own. "You're so pretty from this angle, baby. If I could, I'd be on my knees for you forever."

Kylo Ren

Kylo was angry when you told him, not at you but at your reasoning behind it. He was furious that a man you put your trust and love in constantly put down your body or called you things that made you feel less than you were.

He was determined to show you just how wrong that bastard was.

He had you pinned against the wall of his bedroom, his lips on your neck, and your arms were held above you by the force while his hands roamed your body,

"If I ever hear you putting yourself down again, I will fuck you senseless until you only believe the words I say." You moaned softly at his words; his hands took the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head; then he unclipped your pretty black bra, sliding the straps off, and watched as it fell to the floor before he lifted his eyes back to yours.

"Do you understand?" You nodded; Kylo gripped your chin firmly, asking the question again.

"Do. You. Understand?"

"Y-Yes, Sir."

Pleased with your response, he let go of your face and took one of your breasts in his grasp; he smirked at you before he leaned down, taking it into his warm mouth, licking and sucking sweetly, eliciting loud, shaky moans from you. He let it fall from his lips with a soft pop. He lifted his head and kissed you deeply, dominating you with his tongue. His hands groped your chest, and he rolled your nipples between his forefingers and thumbs, drinking your moans and whimpers.

 He pulled away from the kiss, releasing your wrists from the force; they draped tiredly over his shoulders. His hands left your breasts, sliding down over your stomach, finding their places on your hips.

"I wish you could love yourself as much as I do." He kissed you, squeezing your hips as he lifted you, you wrapped your legs around his waist, and he carried you to the bed, kissing your neck as he laid you down; his kisses trailed down from there.

When he reached your belly, he smiled up at you, his fingers dipping into the waistband of your pants.

"Guess I will just have to teach you how."

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Am I the only person who doesn’t like Wonder Woman and thinks she is, in fact, a Mary Sue? I haven’t read or watched much with her in it so maybe I’m just basing my opinions on one Wonder Woman book I read where I thought she was written poorly.

But I don’t know. She’s literally everything a modern woman is supposed to be (sexy, strong, righteous, soft, etc.) and she never struggles. She’s always right, she never makes mistakes, and she’s very boring to me as a result. I haven’t seen the recent film, but I dislike the fact that they made her love babies. A lot of pressure is put on women to love babies/children and/or want one of their own, and if a woman doesn’t like or want them then she’s seen as a cold, callous bitch. So to me, that part seems like the writers put it in thinking ‘see she’s not an evil man hating feminist you guys, she loves babies!’

Idk. I know she’s seen as THE role model for women and girls but I just can’t understand her appeal. What exactly do you like about her?

Hello there!

As someone who grew up with a lot of Wonder Woman content, I have to personally disagree!

Like any major superhero, Wonder Woman gets a lot of good content and plenty of bad content, too.

Yes, she's idealized - but almost all superheroes are idealized. Superman is literally a mirror of the philosophical concept of the "Ubermensch," a term coined by Nietzsche meaning "superman" and describing an ideal human being. By this standard, he could also be described as a Mary Sue!

But just being beautiful, powerful, and good does not a Mary Sue make. These idyllic superheroes work well when they're put in circumstances that challenge them. It's fascinating to see characters that seemingly embody the highest reaches of human potential pushed to their limits, when we see that they too have flaws and weaknesses that they can overcome through perseverance.

You say that she "never struggles," but a good Wonder Woman writer knows that she NEEDS to struggle to be interesting. In shows like the animated Justice League and Justice League Unlimited, she and all the other major heroes are put in situations that challenge them on every level - physical (like fighting literal gods) and emotional (being banished from her home for bringing men to the island).

And also funny scenarios that put them at disadvantages, like being turned into children or a pig that then must be chased through the city by Batman (yes, both real episodes) that humanize them and show that they're not invulnerable.

For the more recent, live action movies, I liked the first Wonder Woman but not the second. I personally liked the fact that she was excited to see a baby, especially in the context that there were no babies on her island, because women are often expected to reject feminine characteristics to be strong.

I see your point, but I also have a different view regarding children: I think a lot of the oppression experienced by women is also experienced by children, and children are frequently dehumanized.

Not everyone who says they don't like kids is a bad person - I know plenty of great people who say they don't like kids - but I'm not really comfortable with the concept of disliking an entire group of human beings. Children have such varied personalities, just like any other group.

Granted, most people who say they don't like kids don't mean they dislike ALL kids, but it's still a sentiment I don't really like from a cultural standpoint.

As for women who don't WANT kids, I agree - it's deeply messed up that many people don't see women as complete or fulfilled unless they have kids. But (though it's been a while since I've seen it) I don't recall Wonder Woman in the 2017 movies planning to have children of her own. Plenty of women like children without intending to have them, myself included.

Again, though, I do see your point that the writers may have been trying to soften Wonder Woman in the eyes of the audience by having her love babies.

I still prefer that over the original Joss Whedon script, where a little girl at one point asks her to get a cat down from a tree (I think. Perhaps it was a lost toy) and Wonder Woman callously tells her to get it herself. To me, that plays into a sexist stereotype that women must reject all feminine attributes in order to be strong.

The sequel film, on the other hand, really embodies how NOT to write Wonder Woman in every way: largely exempt from moral criticism, inherently better than those around her, and with few meaningful challenges that aren't solved through plot convenience. She isn't "always right," however, because another flaw in that film's plot is the fact that she's learning a vague and contrived lesson of not cheating to get what she wants, though that's never explored in any way that feels human or applicable.

To conclude, I'll reiterate -- and this is just my opinion -- Wonder Woman is done GREAT when written by someone who understands the appeal of the character. Her idyllic characteristics apply to most superheroes, and can work great if the person writing her knows how to challenge her. I don't mind when she has feminine characteristics, and I love when all superheroes love kids, male and female. And last but not least, Justice League and Justice League unlimited reign supreme in terms of superhero content.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble and spill my potentially controversial opinions!

[atla-confessions]

More a/b/o ATLA stuff because that ramble I made like a few days ago or something wasn’t enough to stop me from thinking about this stupid thing 😭 Sorry if this makes no sense I’m incredibly tired

Firstly, in that ramble I said healthy pups in ATLA present after their twelfth birthday. HOWEVER, I didn’t mention that in some cases, a pup can present earlier than their twelfth birthday due to harsh stress which causes a hormonal imbalance; the spirits assign your second gender earlier than expected so that it can balance your system out again. The earliest a pup can present is ten and a half.

With this said, I believe that Sokka and Katara all presented earlier than expected. In my AU, Hakoda left when Katara was ten and a half and Sokka was eleven years old and. A few months later (around 2 or 3 months) Sokka presented early due to having the weight of his entire tribe on his shoulders. Katara also presented early from a similar reason at eleven years and seven months old.

I know that with this logic, Toph and Aang probably would have presented earlier as well, but Toph was already twelve when they first met her and I don’t know much about her home life, other than the fact it was restrictive. Aang encased himself in ice when he was twelve and from the flashbacks we see about his past, he wasn’t very stressed (not to say he wasn’t stressed at all, of course).

I’m not sure about Azula or Zuko. Azula prides herself on being perfect and honestly? I think she would present the day she turned twelve, right on the perfect dot. Zuko had to deal with the trouble of his father’s… everything, and his mother’s disappearance. I don’t know for certain whether I believe he presented early or not but if he did present early, it was most likely when he was eleven and a half. Again, not sure.

Unfortunately there’s little to no information about Suki’s past (that I know of) so I can’t be for sure about anything nor can I truly talk about her without doubting myself 🙁.

OOH another thing. (If it’s not obvious I just type what comes to my head.) There was definitely a lot of conflict between Sokka and Katara when she presented as an Alpha; it wasn’t easy for either of them and they got into a lot of fights the first few months of her presentation, as newly-presented Alphas are a lot more emotional and angrier until they mellow out. Add a moody, angry Katara with a moody, sensitive Sokka (who is still somewhat new to being an Omega and is also stewing in self-hatred 24/7) and you get Chaos. And angst, lots of angst.

Right. In this AU, Sokka struggles with embracing his Omega side, hating himself for being a ‘weak babymaker’ or something else horribly rude. Because he hates himself for being an Omega, he lashes out at others and exclaims his dislike towards Omegas publicly (much to Katara’s and everyone else’s nerves). He’s not the only one who struggles with his second gender, however. Katara has problems with her own Alpha-like tendencies, much like Zuko.

(I don’t know if it’s obvious but I mostly think about Sokka and Katara with this AU; Sokka’s my favorite character and I love sibling bonding and angst!! *pats Katara and Sokka* these bad boys can fit so much pain in them!)

Anyways. Yeah, I mostly feel like there would be a lot of fights between the water siblings. These fights would be where most of Katara’s issues with being an Alpha and some of Sokka’s issues with being an Omega would come from; they’d both do things they regret. Katara would probably be aggressive without thinking and Sokka would not be able to argue back due to his mind going into ‘Panic! Stay safe from angry and scary ass Alpha!’ mode.

Anyways more than JUST Katara and Sokka. The GAANG!!

The Gaang are all definitely Pack. Like absolutely family-core (save for Kataang and Sukka, or Zukka if that tickles your pickle or whatever the phrase is).

I feel like Katara was very protective over everyone, especially in the first season when it was just her, Sokka, and Aang. She doesn’t see Sokka as weaker or anything, but her mind just can’t calm down unless she knows her brother is safe. Sokka is just as protective though, but shows it in a different way. The only other time Katara was protective to the point it was downright crazy was when Zuko joined. Another Alpha around, a potential threat? Katara would go crazy, scenting everyone to make sure Zuko understood that if he hurt any of them, she’d kill him.

I think Zuko would make sure not to upset Katara in any way, staying away from the others and making himself appear smaller and kinder so that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

I think Sokka would be especially protective over Toph and Aang, since they’re both pups (well, until months after the end of the war).

Ok that’s all I’m about to fall asleep. I’ll probs write more lol 😭 Still obsessed with this stupid a/b/o au thing UGH!

X

[natasha-in-space]

'Why do you love rika. I love rika myself as well. Tbh for me its like, the more I stay in mysme fandom the more my love and appreciation for rika grows. It initially started as me being angry at the double standards of the most asian media fandoms in general cuz i realised that rika would have been more well loved if she was a man, people would use the male!rika's trauma to justify his actions and this thought has made me angry and made me "appreciate" rika out of spite. But it eventually has grown into a genuine appreciation for her. Idk how to explain but something inside me makes me want to protect her and save her from everything happened to her leading upto the current situation. And more hate she gets more i feel the desire to defend her.

Actually my no 1 is another character and he has a place of his own which no one could take (its yoosung btw) but rika...i think she might be a close second fave i guess - anon'

I accidentally messed up your ask, so I'll be replying in this way instead!

Thank you for the question, dear anon! I'm always giddy to chitchat about these things. I do want to prelude this by saying that this is not really a proper analysis, but more of me just writing out my personal feelings. I might try my hand at actual analysis one day, but, for now, I'm just sharing my own interpretations!

Mystic Messenger is probably the only fandom I have been in since... well, since it has formed, basically. It's wild to think about sometimes. Things are very different in our little space now, compared to how it was before. Public perception of Rika is one of those things. I can totally resonate with your frustrations on that front, unfortunately. I know many folks miss the time when the fandom was bigger, but... personally, I don't. Especially as a Rika fan. It was borderline exhausting trying to curate your fandom space as a Rika fan at the time. Hell, we had full blogs dedicated to solely hating on her, a fictional character, and people who expressed their love for her. And that's just here on Tumblr. People used to full on write hate comments under every single seasonal CG with Rika in it. It was terrible, and very, very disheartening to see. Especially since most Rika fans I've met over the years are the sweetest people. Granted, there is a case to be made for practically every mm character, and how the fandom may have misinterpreted them in one way or another, so it's not just a Rika problem. Just that she was majorly disliked.

If anything, I'm very happy Cheritz still continued to include Rika in the seasonal events despite it all. Props to them on that front.

Right now, thankfully, things are much more peaceful and respectful. Rika is definitely not the more popular character, but now you can openly express your love for her in the fandom space, without fear of being harassed. I'd say that's a great win for us!

That being said, as to why I love Rika... Hm, it's interesting to put it into words. I didn't have a strong opinion on her until V's route came out. I never really shared the collective hatred of her, but I didn't love her either, you know? V's route came out during a pretty rough patch in my life, and I think that helped me get personally invested in what it had to tell. Rika actually feels like a fleshed out character with many nuances, and that instantly made me interested in paying close attention to what they wanted to do with her.

Rika is complicated, to say the least. She always was, but, with all the added content to her story that Cheritz have put out over the years, her complexity only evolved further. I love that about her. I love morally dubious characters who's mind you have to carefully study and pick apart piece by piece in order to understand them. I love how she is not really a villain in a traditional sense. She is not actively pursuing harm on anybody, not in her eyes. It is fascinating to me how different her view point is, compared to those around her. How skewed her perception of the world around her grows over the years. It's both scary and captivating.

So, it started with fascination. Appreciation for her character and a desire to delve deeper into what makes her who she is today. I think... my appreciation has grown into love when her Behind Story came out. I know many folks have very complicated feelings towards it, especially since it came out alongside V's After End and its unfortunate push for forgiveness, but I never really viewed Cheritz establishing Rika's past as an attempt to wash her of her sins. It just came out at a very bad timing is all. If her Behind Story came out a bit later, I think public opinion of it would have been different. It's a shame that their huge mess up with the message in V's After Ending sabotaged it like that.

Thing is, Rika wouldn't be as compelling and interesting as she is, if she was truly innocent. That being said, I... relate to her struggles on a deeply personal level. Not as deeply as I do with Saeran, but her story and her struggles do make me choke up to this day. Because, in a way, I see my past self in her. Being able to read through her story, her thoughts, and her feelings have really made me form a genuine fondness to her. Her religious trauma, her painful path of learning to survive in an environment that actively tries to harm you at every possibility, her fears of being the devil everyone says she is, her inability to accept and love herself, because all she has ever known is pain, danger and hatred... It hurts. I think, everyone has that little voice inside their head. Telling them that they are bad and undeserving of the love people close to them are expressing. That everyone actually hates them. That there is something inherently wrong with them. It's heartbreaking that, in Rika's case, this voice has eventually consumed her to the point of no return.

When you are an abused child, who knows nothing but the hostile world they have at home, it will follow you into every crook and cranny of your life. Even when you're not home, even when you're 'safe', your mind and body will still be on high alert, as it's natural to try and keep yourself safe from harm. Rika's fear of the world around her, her deep inner self-hatred is something I have experienced as an abused child/young teen. It's debilitating, and it's heartwrenching to think that so many people have to suffer like this.

I think the beauty of her story to me is the sheer tragedy of it. It's a tough pill to swallow, but people are not born evil. She has done horrible, immoral and unforgivable things, and yet, in some twisted sense, her heart was not filled with malice as she did so. She believed she was saving Saeran, she believed she was providing her believers the safety and love they couldn't get elsewhere, she believed she was trying to show her old friends the truth by taking them to her side. Of course, none of those things are actually true. Her real intentions were selfish, albeit not evil. A desperation to be loved and not abandoned. That dichotomy is both beautiful and tragic to me. (Some of these are very bad quality bc I can't screenshot stuff right now)

Of course, there's also the whole V/Rika debacle. Personally, I never put all of the responsibility onto either one of them. That takes away the beautiful tragedy of their shared bond. V - or, Jihyun - genuinely cares deeply for her. He is heartbroken at all the suffering he sees her go through during his route. Of course, it's not just his care for Rika at play, but we're not talking about him right now. While, for Rika, he was her only anchor, her light, the one person who saw the real her and accepted her instead of forsaking her. At least that's what she thought. Rika and V are two very hurt and troubled individuals who have met each other at the worst possible time. And that makes it so sad to me. Neither him nor Rika truly wanted to harm one another. Whether there was any romantic love between them or not, they did care for one another deeply. Too deeply, even. Clinging to one another in order to satiate the emptiness they had inside, each in their own toxic way. It was not healthy. But it was genuine.

And I love tragic bonds, be it romantic or not. There is something compelling about two people who do want the best for one another just causing more harm than good. It's also painfully truthful. Not to such an extreme, but the struggle of doing what's best with no direction is one many can relate to.

I guess, to conclude this all, I'd say I love Rika for her complexity most of all. There are so many layers to her, and her story is truly a heartbreaking one to behold. But, God, is it beautiful, too.

Also, may I just add, her voice actress is absolutely amazing? She puts her all into playing Rika, and her story wouldn't be as moving if it wasn't for her breathtaking work. Her voice acting made me cry a whole lot of times.

[spacestationstorybook]

didn't want an essay in the tags but just to see if i could do it all of the options on that poll (last rb) and the f/o it applies to

mischaracterization: dash in more or less every way you could think of.

ignored for not being (male): orin oh my godddd the‏‏‎ ‎bg3‏‏‎ ‎fandom has a terrible misogyny problem but it's particularly bad with her the male villains all get thirsted over constantly and essays written about them and she gets maybe the occasional "i could fix her" comment. she was traumatized by‏‏‎ ‎bhaal‏‏‎ ‎just as much as canon durge the only place she was ever given to belong resents her her life is a TRAGEDY and nobody CARESSSSS sorry. i get really sad about orin can you tell

one character trait: harder to say with this one but probably dash again

gets in the way of a popular ship: ...sylvia a little. not that fans actually dislike her but they do push her to the side for yaoi near constantly despite the fact that if‏‏‎ ‎black‏‏‎ ‎eye‏‏‎ ‎was m/m fans would be slobbering all over it. also thetis‏‏‎ ‎but not in the third wheel way exactly

minor character: moss :( tbh i rarely fall for minor characters but when i do it's so much harder lmao i am so bad with characters with minimal content i do not have the energy to be making it all myself:

infantilization: BERNIEEEEEEEEE and‏‏‎ ‎from what i've seen‏‏‎ ‎pomni‏‏‎ ‎gets it a little. yes she's cute but she is not like a baby to be protected or a stay-at-home housewife in the making she is extremely capable strong and smart ESPECIALLY considering what she has had to go through

sexualized: orin or karlach probably since both of them get the Step On Me treatment WAITTTT IT'S MORDECAI‏‏‎ ‎it's worse considering you know canonically sex repulsed so it stands out more when it's always he wouldn't fucking do that.

misinterprets their trauma: THETIS. THETIS. THETIS. THETIS. literally no one EVER wants to acknowledge that she was abused and is a trauma victim while they love to blorbofy her rapist as a Fun Cool Dad. but no she gets to be the abuser because god forbid a woman have bad coping mechanisms

people hate them for something small: thetis‏‏‎ ‎della‏‏‎ ‎hollis‏‏‎ ‎camila I Could Go On but you get the picture. there's a theme.

cartoon killer treatment:‏‏‎ ‎mordecai‏‏‎ ‎lol tbh there are smidgens of this in canon i don't really think she got the Best treatment considering she is by all standards heavily implied to have autism and/or ocd at the least if not a personality disorder (as well as making the cold unfeeling character the ace one) but fandom plays into it heavy as fuck

jokes about trauma: bernie again but this one is wayyyy more canon's fault they are so so fucking disrespectful towards her

useless to the story: bernie‏‏‎ ‎a bit but honestly also‏‏‎ ‎dash‏‏‎ ‎in the sense that people say she shouldn't be an element of‏‏‎ ‎harmony‏‏‎ ‎because she's "too rude" or struggles with her element more than the others. you guys are weak and she should be meaner

[elsa-fogen]

you don't like elsa

your anna

elsa was like my third hyperfixation, i replaced Icy with her when liking winx became "uncool"

✨✨Your theories time✨✨

from this post

That's literally winx moment. As i said, at some point people went like "you like winx? ahaha look at her, she likes winx! so cringe l m a o, *starts ironically sing winx opening*" and i had to hide the fact that i like the show for like 2 years, before frozen came out and my Icy-obsessed ass was like "blonde girl with ice powers? i'll take that thank you" (also elsa's blue dress associated with the one that Icy had in one fic that i was obsessed with, but Icy's was red and i was like holy fuck!!) (i actually had started like 2 fics with winx x frozen crossover)

nah, i think i'm aroace? Idk. Bi was my first guess about myself, but like... relationships? like, having to think about someone else? Spend time with them? Give them gifts, kissing, bed time? Eww. Gross. Aroace is what i'm comfortable atm

I GUESS?? I mean... i don't know if it started after something happened because i can't remember anything like that.

Let's see, my past (and current) villain obsessions: Icy, Bill Cipher (watched Gravity Falls just because of him), Jasper from Steven Universe, GLaDOS, Artificer from Rain World (technically she's protagonist because she's a playable character, but she commits war crimes regularly, sooo) and Alastor.

only one of them has (had) stupid little sidecick - Icy (i mean she had Pepe in the 1st season, not like she enjoyed it that much, but)

Niffty for Alastor kiiiiiiiinda works as a sidekick? But she doesn't follow him around all the time. Also egg bois but it was one-episode thing

Artificer also has a little drone following her, but it doesn't even have a personality.

GLaDOS... i mean... does Chell count as a sidekick?!! or wheatley? or any other personality core?

this one is wild ahahhaha

but nah, i don't care about it. I have friend who ships it, i have friends who hate it. I personally don't care. I don't care about Valtor, I don't care about Bloom as long as they don't interact with my beloved ice queen, and i don't care about ship between them.

There's only one ship i care about in winx club though. And by saying "care" i mean I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT. I HATE IT AS MUCH AS I HATE THAT-ONE-SHIP WITH ALASTOR MY HAZBIN PEOPLE KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I HATE IT.

TRITANUS, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

psa: i don't hate PEOPLE who enjoy it, i hate the ship itself. you are free to ship whatever you want just get it AWAY from me. thank you.

There's only 3 ships in general i hate this much. And 2 more i strongly dislike, but with enough pushing i may start hating them as well.

[avatorofthelonely]

re: “Martin. I’m too tired to explain this in detail. But it has less to do with how he is in canon and more of the fandom’s failure to acknowledge or even see some of Martin’s more toxic behavior.”

can you explain this a little more? i think you’re right, martin’s been a little blorbofied too much because a lot of people identify with him very heavily and are unwilling to recognize his faults, but i’d be interested in your thoughts

Me: I don’t feel like explaining this.

Anons: so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ do it anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I jest, but I’m gonna preface this with a few things:

1) as it pertains to what I’m about to say about Martin, I don’t think he’s the most toxic character nor is this anti Martin or Martin hate. I’m simply exploring some of his less saviory aspects.

2) I do not hate or even dislike jonmartin, dare I say, I even enjoy it from time to time. No relationship is perfect and it is important to identify toxic behaviors in relationships in media.

3) to the second anon, we’re clearly never gonna agree on my love, Georgina Barker, I’ve already stated why I like her narratively and don’t feel like repeating myself.

Okay, on to Martin.

Simply put, he’s canonically pretty manipulative (including manipulative towards Jon). He even calls out himself to himself for manipulating himself when he went into the lonely during the eyepocalypse.

Annabelle fucking Cane, the person literally manipulating the whole of the plot, all but calls him manipulative and considered him for an avatar of the web in mag 196:

Also as it pertains to JonMartin, Jon does exhibit his own somewhat toxic behaviors but I’m just focusing on Martin for this post.

Martin does somewhat gaslight Jon at times. Notably the “I know I asked you to go on a smiting spree but you’re the one who’s wrong for doing it.” He also looks to Jon so many times to pas his ego and self esteem and frankly — it’s just not healthy to be a therapist to your s/o in this way.

I also understand why Martin isn’t comfortable with Jon’s statements or certain aspects of his power but Jon goes out of his way to help Martin with aspects of being attached to the lonely and I just think to some extent it’s not reciprocated on Martin’s part.

There’s a few more things I could say but I’m honestly worried the hardcore Martin/JonMartin stans are already gonna come for me on this one.

[himboskywalker]

SPEAKING of omegaverse Tag I’ve been wanting to ask you what it is about a/b/o that you like so much and are especially drawn to?im very picky for my a/b/o and you somehow always get it exactly right so I’m curious what you look for in your omegaverse content?

Oof this is a complicated question for me actually lol Keep in mind I’ve literally been reading a/b/o since it’s origin in the Supernatural fandom on LIVEJOURNAL. I read the first a/b/o fic,I was in the fandom space and on the forums when it emerged,so I have quite literally followed along with it since it’s inception,and have kept tabs on its various evolutions through the years and through the different fandoms I’ve been in.

Originally it was much more about the animal characteristics and what I was seeing was very coded into werewolf verses or other creature societies very similar. What drew me in originally was a lot of those animal instincts of dominance and submission,especially with the alpha biting to enforce submission. As everyone on here knows I really really like biting,it’s kind of intrinsically tied in with my views of eroticism,so anything that heavily features biting kink will have my full attention. It’s why I love vampire content so much,or a lot of creature content.

I also have a really strong sense of smell,and in the more creature focused a/b/o fics,and then in Teen Wolf when a/b/o was interwoven with werewolves,scent played a big part in their characteristics. I really really like scent based stuff,in real life the way a partner smells is a large part of my attraction to them,it’s usually one of the first things I notice. For a lot of people,even if they don’t realize it,scent and pheromones play an important role in attraction. I love universes where this is played up,and scents become,not just a more blatant form of attraction,but also a vehicle for characterization and even communication. In a lot of next generation a/b/o the scent component has veered away from the wolf stuff in the OG omegaverse,but it’s something I hold onto and love. Like the force in Star Wars,it offers an opportunity to me as a writer to explore an alternative form of communication and recognition between characters.

At its core a/b/o is a really fun way for me to explore dom/sub dynamics too and in fact the dom/sub universes you see in fanfic now stemmed from omegaverse. There’s something about these sexual preferences being instinctual in these verses that made my own exploration for these wants and preferences somehow safer for me to accept when I was younger. And being able to read stories where a submissive male partner isn’t mocked for wanting these things while also being able to be a strong and independent person helped me realize a lot of things about myself that I always found confusing.

And on that note when done right I thing a/b/o is a wonderfully subversive and unique way to explore gender and gender roles. When I wrote conceal me what I am it was intrinsically interwoven with trans and nonbinary themes and was a very safe way for me parse through my own emotions of how I perceive myself and how the world perceives me. In all,exploring a submissive male character with certain cis female sexual characteristics has been a decade long process of coming to terms with my own gender-fluid ness,and being very comfortable with it,when I think without certain fictional avenues,I would have had a much harder time wrapping my head around it and how I perceive myself.

I think maybe what you see in my a/b/o writing,and what others have seen in it,is my dislike for feminizing male characters that I use as a vehicle for gender and sexual exploitation. This is no hate in any way to writers who do,there’s nothing wrong with it,but it’s something I always found personally distressing without being able to articulate why. More recently I’ve been able to identify that I find being feminized distressing,even though I identify as a woman some of the time.And so I find reading a male character being feminized as distressing because of my own life and raising. I like a/b/o as a means to look into the other,into the liminal inbetween and the hard to identify and parse outside of the rigid gender structures society has given us. So when I go into an a/b/o story with a wanting for that exploration and then it’s a projection of typical heteronormative gender ideals onto a not typical heteronormative dynamic,I find it upsetting. So in my own writing I avoid that at all cost. Again this is not a judgement of anyone who creates or engages with content that does embrace that,I don’t view it as a moral failing in any way,it’s simply something I don’t like and so something I specifically try to circumnavigate in my own art. Or when I do explore the intervening of male and female and other,it’s in a way I understand and perceive the world,and so is a comforting navigation of things I myself am unsure about or don’t quite understand.

It doesn’t have to be this deep. All a/b/o doesn’t have to be a societal deconstruction of gender and sexuality and queer coding. Sometimes it’s as simple as mmmm inherent attraction because of instincts sexy. It can also be mmmm character smells good BITE BITE BITE. It’s what you make it and what you find meaning and/or pleasure from. There’s thousands of interpretations of a/b/o because it’s a wonderful vehicle for exploration of many things. This is just my own relationship with it.

[baileypie-writes]

Heya , I hope you’ve had a wonderful break and wishing you the best in health! ･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

As a precure fan myself I’ve really enjoyed reading your headcanons for characters as not only are they tame but really cute to ((o(^∇^)o))

So for my request if it is possible is a Daruizen and female reader who is apart of the healin good team and is a lot more brash , teasing and pompous when out as a precure who finds Daruizen undeniably infuriating due to how unbothered and selfish he is and makes it clear through remarks and just poking fun at him whenever she can lol. I thought it’d be interesting to see headcanons on how’d he react to her and what he do in situations such as this or even just seeing a write up of a potential interaction would be really nice . I’m sorry if it seems like I’m asking for a lot and honestly take your time if you need to! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

I look forward to reading more of yours posts and take care♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪

A/N ~ Thank you for your kind and lovely request! This idea is so cool, I love it! Hope you enjoy!

~Daruizen With a Brash and Pompous Fem!Pretty Cure~

~~~🦠~~~🦠~~~🦠~~~

Fandom: Healin' Good♡Precure

Fanfic Type: Headcanons

Reader: Female, a Pretty Cure

Relationship: Platonic, enemies

Characters Included: Daruizen

Genre: Angst?

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mutual hatred between Reader and Daruizen, possibly OOC Daruizen?, Reader calling Daruizen an emo(I have no problem with emos. It was just for the story)

~Masterlists~

~Healin' Good♡Precure Masterlist~

Guide: Daruizen’s dialogue is green and Reader’s dialogue is uncolored.

~~~🦠~~~🦠~~~🦠~~~

~ When someone like you meets someone they dislike, they don’t make any effort to hide it. That’s exactly what happened when you met Daruizen. You hated his personality from the moment you saw him lounging on a tree while his Megabyogen ran wild.

~ As you spewed your aggression and insults at him, he was amused at first. But over time, he felt himself become more and more irritated. You just kept going, never getting tired. He wishes you’d just shut up, and hate him silently.

“What’s with that choker? Are you an emo or something?”

“I don’t know what an ‘emo’ is, but probably not.”

“How do you not know what that is? Do you live under a rock?”

“Sure. Whatever…”

~ The only reactions he ever gives are dry responses. He would interact with you to get on your nerves, but doesn’t want to give you any sort of satisfaction either. Besides, he’s much too lazy to do anything else anyway. So he leaves all the talking, yelling and insulting to you.

“Gosh, you’re so annoying.”

“‘Kay.”

“I mean, don’t you have anything else to do besides poisoning the earth?”

“Not really.”

“Do you ever say more than just a few words.”

“Maybe.”

~ Your pompous trait reminds Daruizen of his own teammates. And he does not have fond opinions of them. The way you flaunt and show off is quite irritating to him. Especially since he himself doesn’t do more than he has to. You go out of your way to show others how cool you think you are, and it gets under his skin. But of course, he doesn’t show it.

~ While your average insults don’t faze him, there is one thing that grinds his gears. And that’s when you talk down to him as if he’s ignorant or a child. He’s already the young one of his own group, so he doesn’t need someone else treating him as such. Talking to him in a high pitched, baby voice and stating obvious things in an informative manner really gets on his nerves.

“Ok little boy, I don’t know if you know this, but what you’re trying to do is going to kill everyone on earth. And killing is bad, okay?”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

~ If you learn all the things that trigger him, you just might be able to get an actual reaction out of him. Just combine everything he hates about you, and crank it up to one hundred percent. Eventually, he’s bound to crack. And if he does, oh boy, are you in for a fight.

~ Daruizen would battle you one on one, taking all his rage and annoyance out on you; the culprit. It’s surprising to see him act so out of character. But if you wanted to get him all riled up, congratulations, you’ve succeeded. The battle would go on until he either loses steam or one of you defeats each other. Afterwards, he’d leave without hardly saying a word. Just know that you’ve successfully gotten yourself an enemy.

“Oh? You’re done fighting? Is your battery dead? Haha!”

“Shut up.”

“No thanks. Anyways, that was fun. You’re much stronger than I thought.”

*teleports away*

“Wow. He didn’t even say goodbye. How rude.”

~~~🦠~~~🦠~~~🦠~~~

~~baileypie-writes

[satorisoup]

hello, sweetie ‹𝟹 :)

it's been a tough few days, but I'm almost 100% recovered so i’m back *o*

fr was a very beautiful story which made the ending even sadder, but 10/10, you're did amazing job!

the whole world of demon slayer is precious to me, that's why i suffer a lot with it. and i get upset when i see people talking badly about a character 😔

no, i didn’t! i don’t know where to watch that version 😭

i think throughout haikyu you grow fond of all the teams at some point and get sad when they lose, at least that's what happened to me 😢 | i love bokuto and akaashi interactions 🤭 bokuto is such a baby while akaashi is so sassy and sarcastic 🤭 the big baby gets teased all the time and doesn't even know 🤭

i'm so sorry to know that </3 i only had dogs, they are all died already too and i promised to myself to never get another pet anymore and here i am being a new fresh cat mom🥹. a golden retriever needs a lot of attention because they are big babies. you know hinata and bokuto? yeah, they need to be take care of 😭 if you have time for them you should go for it, if not think twice because they really need attention.

you deserve all the love 🤍🤍

thank God! the hot weather can really make you sick if you don’t take care of yourself 😭! it is summer here too and it’s been so hot this week, i barely slept last night 🫠

thank you sm ‹𝟹 i am feeling better now, just dealing with the summer weather now lol which i really dislike the high heat but it is what it is 🤸‍♀️| i hope you’re doing fine and happy ‹𝟹

you’re an angel :’). it’s been so hard for me to catch up with everyone and everything, some people really don’t understand how hard it can be to be active when you’re double the sick and get mad about it, so im really happy you understand 😭!

i am doing ok, i’m already on vacation now, so now that i’m back i’m going to catching up with the stories 👀! how about you? are you okay? drinking enough water and feeling good? how’s summer so far? do you enjoy this season? hope you’re happy and healthy, sweetie ‹𝟹 🫂

UWAHHH hai hai ma love !! ouh, how i have missed you !! (つω`｡) please forgive me for tha late response !! </3 m’ sho sorry !! T^T

SOBSOB m’ hoping you are definitely recovered by now, and that you are doing better than ever my sweets !! being sick definitely isn’t fun :,<

WAHHH PWEASE, you flatter me !! >//< i am soso happy dat you enjoyed tha gojo fic !! it’s one of my favorites, i just had to share it with you !! ^_^ THANK YOU SOSO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS !! <3 it means tha WORLD !! >_<

TEEHEE absolutely !! demon slayer is just the bestest anime, i adore it with my whole heart !! <3 i understand, i get sad when i see people talkin’ bad about my favowites too :,< tanjiro n’ genya my beloveds !! how could anyone hate their cuteness ?? T^T

EEEK i believe fruits basket 2001 is available on crunchyroll, but you can watch it on a couple of free websites methinks !! wcofun.net is tha one i use ^_^ it has all tha animes and cartoons ( sub & dub ) dat you could dream of teehee !! >//<

YES !! you are so right !! haikyuu really does leave a big impression :< all of tha teams are just sho interestin’ to learn abouts !! :0 TEEHEE bokuaka interactions are just tha bestest !! i swear i always find myself watching compilations on youtube, they’re just so silly !! >//< poor kou, he’s too busy with volleyball and being tha captain to notice akaashi’s sassiness ehe !! <3

SNIFFLE omigoodness :,< m’ soso sorry that happened to you, losing animals is always incredibly hard to go through </3 i am very happy to know that you are starting your pet journey again with a kitty, that must be so exciting to have a sweet companion !! WAHHH for realsies, they do needs lots & lots of attention ( like kou and shoyo, tha sillies !! :3 ) i definitely would get a cute goldie one day, but i’d have to be out of my moms house before that happens T^T i think my 4 cats might be enough for her as of now </3 a girl can dream !! <3

it really is just too hot !! :,< i had to stay at my grandparents for a while, i might go back soon because my mom is still not turning the air on T^T its up to 100° to 110° outside, and our house doesn’t have much insulation, so it gets really hot !! i can’t wait for summer to be over </3 m’ soso sorry you couldn’t sleep !! please try to stay cool & make sure you’re hydrating ma love !! it’s very important during this sunny season !! :,>

EEEP i am soso glad that you are doin’ better now, ma lovely !! we must push through this heat to make it to autumn and winter teehee !! ^_^ & nunu, i pwomise it’s oki !! i feel the same way a lot of the time, so i completely understand !! always remember to take your time, i don’t mind one bit !! <3

SOBSOB i’ve been doin’ oki !! don’t worry, i pwomise i’ve been hydratin’ !! ouh goodness… i do not like summer one bit i fear T^T i always dread this season !! i was not made for the warm weather </3 i’ve been a bit unmotivated recently, but m’ trying to get back into a better routine !! i’ve really missed bein’ on tumblr more & talkin’ to you ma love !! :< THANK YOU SHOSHO MUCH FOR ASKIN’ !! (^∀^*)

MWUEHE how are you doing lately ma love ?? are things going well for you ?? how was/is your vacation ?? i must know all about it !! :3 m’ sending you the bestest of all tha wishes and huggin’ you shoooo tightly !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓

[rougetrose]

im going to post this not only as a way to defend myself but to also put out the truth so that lies arent being spread around. shoutout to anyone in this group called illustrio as this will help put out some info for those wondering whats going on:

for starters, i joined a fun discord group set in the marauders era as it was intended for busy people with busy schedules. as someone who hasnt roleplayed in a long time due to working full-time hours, this was the perfect setup for me. however, things seem to change...and yes, for the worse.

i received this message from one of the admins expressing how my inactivity has led to some difficulty interacting/proceeding with the group's plot points, which was a valid concern. i have since messaged every time i got busy and even apologized for not being around as much as i wouldve liked (which i didnt rlly have to tbh considering that the group was made FOR busy ppl but anyways). i then proceeded to ask if any other issues may have occurred that need to be brought up so we can discuss and move on successfully and healthily as a group, but it seems that i have been kicked out before i could even get the chance to reach out. despite it all, my main goal was to get clarity and ask for the true reasons why i was being let go (mind you i was still at work when this happened so i only got back to reply an hour later):

i thought the first initial message was very fair and respectful. so i reciprocated that tone in my reply:

surprisingly, the mun took a turn in the tone of their next reply and i was genuinely stumped by how things got intense very quickly:

i can go on and on about how problematic this reply was, but i knew this kind of response isn't worth fussing about so i just prepared another reply to cease any interactions with this person, but of course, i was blocked before it could be sent through:

as mentioned in my last response, there were many uncomfortable instances in the group that happened and yes, i shouldve spoken out when i could have gotten the chance as it was happening, but the amount of time i have spent roleplaying in general, has just made me ignore those 'hiccups' when they did occur. regardless, it was a very weird and absurd reply and until now im still wondering where this reaction came from when i reached out very neutrally from the get-go.

i usually shrug these type of things off as it unfortuantely does happen from time to time in the rp community, but i only decided to take matters into my own hands when im being accused of calling the mun mentioned above slurs.

despite it being a very SERIOUS accusation, i made sure to review our past messages and see where and when i could have made a comment that harmful (which i did not) just to be sure i didnt offend/harm/belittle anyone. as expected, i have seen that there are NO offensive messages in our chats as we only talked for a brief amount of time and never really got to again before they messaged me privately about this matter. below are the screenshots of our conversations before this dilemma. i have NOT touched our chats at all, so saying i have been deleting messages??? another strange thing to say:

these screenshots are the only instances where and when we talked and as im looking through, i still dont see any of the slurs that im being accused of. i havent had any 1 on 1 interactions with the mun with any of our characters either during my time in the group and only got to to talk to o through the general/public ic chats on the server.

i thought that this mun was overall, very friendly and kind. i had no issues with them whatsoever, so im wondering where the sudden change in reactions came from as i genuinely and wholeheartedly never gave them a reason to hate/dislike me.

i have since reached out to one of my friends who is also in the group and he has been sharing how the group and current admins believe that i have been referring to this mun with slurs. i hope that whoever is still in that group sees this and gets the WHOLE story before accusing someone of something this serious. it's truly tarnishing and hurtful that lies are being spread about my name, so please give this a thorough review before listening to only one side of the story and not verifying anything.

(statement from the admin; i hope they can see this thread and re-evaluate what REALLY happened) :

also, when the previous admin had managed the group, i thought they were very friendly and welcoming and had no issues with them as well, so this is all very confusing and surprising to me to say the least. as shown above on the screenshot, my first reply had been very neutral and in no way did i 'lash' out at the mun when they had first messaged me as stated in that photo.

and again, before you accuse someone of anything serious ESPECIALLY slurs, please make sure that you have the necessary proof to do so. regarding that, i have asked in the beginning of the message for any proof to show when and where i may have offended this person, but as i stated and will continue to say: i dont think i have the means to dehumanize someone else all because of a roleplay. if you have had that experience, please report them immediately. if you are someone who says slurs, please seek help and re-evaluate yourself before harming others.

all in all, i think the group was fun while it lasted. everyone seemed friendly and welcoming but this unfortunate turn of events has made me want to take a break from roleplaying in the next bit. i hope this could clear up the air as i intended to initially. thanks so much again if you got to read this far.

[hanmi-xo]

Chapter 1: "Who is Lihua?"

| Between Us | Chapter List |

Previous | Next ------------------

| L I H U A |

The sound of rain bounced through the air.  Each droplet left a patter of soft noise upon impact. The rugged pattern was a sweet melody.

I continued to read in my bed. I laid bundled up in my blanket while I heard chaos occurring outside my bedroom. The girls were getting ready for the high school reunion. It's been a little over 4 years since we graduated, but even so, they had plenty of friends they wanted to catch up with.

I wasn't planning on going, but when Ellis told me about Soonyoung's return to town, she insisted we should all go for her sake. Soonyoung had been a good friend of my brother, and having me there could rise against the odds by being messenger.

Ellis has always liked Soonyoung, but she put her career first before anything.

She's experienced what relationships can do during her time in school, and now that she has her degree and dream job, it was like destiny was on her side. Even if she disliked going out during the rainy weather, she couldn't ignore the opportunity of seeing him.

Fallon, being the oldest of all of us, agreed on the plan. As a psych and biology student, she has always been wary about all of our healths- mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Earlier today she said to me, "Your brother is going. Everyone is going. You can't stay in your room forever and read. It'd be good for all of us to be together again. You can get a fresh start."

She wasn't wrong, but she also knew why I wouldn't want to go.

Fallon has always been a good friend to all of us. You can say she acts like an older sister and maybe even a mother at times. Though her nagging can be tiring, she has always been loving towards us.

As a young adult, I know I need to socialize with people. I have been stuck in my room for too long, and part of it is because of my remote job, but it's also because I love my solitude.

I've met too many people who seem more interested in sex and having a good time than actually getting to know me.

Making friends is difficult. Making connections is difficult.

Even if I do try, I always end up being brushed off.

Being alone has always been easier. I didn't have to worry about anyone's judgment towards me and I don't have to entertain anyone.

Life seems more peaceful this way even if at times it may get lonely.

Reading books was my getaway from reality. The world seemed scary up-close, and having a book felt like I wasn't entirely alone when the girls are busy.

Seeing the struggles a character has made me realize how blessed I was to not have many terrible connections.

To me, I was okay with the people I have. The girls whom I grew up with- they welcomed me with open arms when I first moved into this town, and even if I may not be blood related to my brother, he has been a great support towards me.

I guess a part of me didn't want to leave my cage. Even if I'm over the events of what happened after high school, I've learned to enjoy my solitude more than I do with people.

It sounds selfish, I know, but it makes me feel at peace within myself.

The sound of my alarm rang. My attention went to my phone, interrupting my train of thought.

I had to leave soon.

Upon reaching the end of the chapter, I closed my book with a bookmark to where I left off. I heard a notification from my phone and I checked it once more.

It was my brother.

He responded to my last message with a salute.

-

| M I N G H A O |

I was running late.

I reached the red light before getting to the venue. If it wasn't raining, I would have been there already. Traffic was held back for 30 minutes and I hate being late to places.

I took out my phone to message the guys of my arrival.

After finding a place to park, I entered the building to meet with the guys. They all were dressed well for the occasion. I saw some girls staring at us and I was able to recognize many of their familiar faces.

They were the same girls that liked us back then, and I could hear them giggling amongst each other.

I winced from their annoying voices.

I'm definitely not going to stay long. I already hate the atmosphere of this place. It definitely felt like high school all over again.

"You made it!" Dokyeom exclaimed before waving at me.

His bright aura was easy to spot even a mile away. He was seated at a booth next to the wide window panels. I felt almost everyone stare at me since I was the late comer, not to mention, Dokyeom's loud voice boomed the restaurant space.

Across from him was Seungcheol who had a bottle of tequila. He seemed to be drinking earlier than attended. I'm not that surprised. Soonyoung sat next to him and was scarfing down his food like a rodent he is.

The two turned to see me before waving.

"Yo!" Seungcheol greeted me.

Soonyoung tried to greet me as well but his mouth was full. His cheeks were puffed while he chewed.

"MMMM!" was all I could hear from him.

Whatever the hell that noise was, it probably was a hello or something.

Dokyeom motioned me to sit next to him. I stared at the hamster who I would be sitting across before wincing at the sound him chewing.

Seungcheol and Dokyeom laughed upon seeing my expression but I rolled my eyes. I was trying to look at the menu Dokyeom passed to me, but it was hard to focus with Soonyoung's face across from me. The two's laughter caught his attention.

"What's so funny?" He asked after gulping his water cup. He had food stains on his face. "I wanna laugh too!"

He hasn't changed since high school. It was amusing to see this professional racer look like a child.

I shook my head with a smirk.  "Don't worry about it."

Soonyoung then glared at me before going back to his food. I watched him silently mimic me with a move of his lips before taking another bite of his noodles. He was annoyed. I couldn't help but snicker at his behavior.

"Hao," I heard Seungcheol call for me.

I raised a brow. "Yes?"

He nodded his head towards my left. I knew that expression and signal all too well. Dokyeom glanced at Seungcheol before looking at me. I watched him peak his head out to see the girls that were coming our way.

Girls that I didn't want to deal with.

"Hi Dokyeom~" her voice was high like a mouse.

I rolled my eyes and quickly got up. I knew where this was going and I refuse to sit down and listen to these squeakers.

"Aw, Minghao," one of them called for my attention.

She stood in front of me as if she could stop me from leaving. She tried to grab my arm and I quickly pulled away.

"Don't touch me," I snap.

Her cold fingers felt uncomfortable. The way her warmth left a trace on me made me want to vomit.

I watched her eyes grow big before she faked a smile.

"Don't be like that", she tells me before tilting her head.

If she was trying to act cute, she looked really stupid. I grimaced at her.

"You got wrinkles on your face," I say aloud.

I watched as her face twisted into shock along with the gasps of her entourage. I can hear the Soonyoung hold in his snickers from my comment while Seungcheol openly laughed. Dokyeom on the other hand closed his lips tightly and tried to hide his amusement.

I looked back at the girl who didn't move an inch before getting away from her. I didn't bother looking back.

I needed some air. For a large space, it felt stuffy the moment I saw those girls. I saw an open door that lead to the balcony and I quickly made my way there.

The cool air hit my face, and the way the breeze felt against my warmth left a tingling sensation.

I leaned on the railing and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and let out a sighed.

The moon glistened in the night and the rain clouds were swam across the dark blue sky. The scent of dew filled my lungs and left a chill down my spine.

It felt nice to be alone and enjoy the scenery.

I stayed there for a moment and awed at the beauty of the fountain below me along with the trees that danced with the wind. The venue was a bit far from town and I was able to get a glimpse of the faraway buildings in between the gaps of the trees.

I heard a sigh.

I slowly turned around upon hearing the voice.

There stood a girl who seemed to be in awe of the scenery. She leaned against the railing with a palm of her hand holding up her chin.

I didn't even notice she was here.

I shuffled my feet in attempt to leave, but she turned around to look at me.

I stared at her.

She seemed to be dressed different from everyone else in the venue.

She had a simple plaid green dress along with white sneakers. Her brown hair was tied up into a bun with a few bangs framing her face. Although she appeared in a simple yet elegant attire, her expression showed distance.

She seemed to be lost in thought.

I watched her walk towards me and I was ready for her to say something. For all I know, she could be putting on an act.

But she walked passed me.

She didn't even seem to notice me.

It was strange.

I watched her leave the balcony before making her way back into the event hall. She disappeared down the corner without looking back.

My eyes went back to the night sky. I was alone again.

~

It took awhile, but I came back to the event hall. I got hungry staring at the stars and I was hoping that Seungcheol or Dokyeom would order something.

But when I came back, they were gone.

Soonyoung came rushing over to me with a worried expression mixed with annoyance. Something bothered him.

"What the hell happened?" I ask the frustrated man.

He looked at me with narrow brows before shaking his head. "I'll explain things later. Let's get out of here."

His voice was almost a whisper. He was trying to hide his anger, but it was clear he was ready to strangle someone. The once enthusiastic man has lowered his tone.

I narrowed my brows and followed after him.

It's one thing for Seungcheol to be mad, but it's another if Dokyeom is angry. I had a feeling I knew who showed up, but I knew it'd be best to keep my mouth shut.

~

Upon reaching the parking lot, I saw Seungcheol talking to his girlfriend.

Astrid was her name, I think?

They seemed to be needing a moment. I can only assume what happened with the way she rubbed her tears while he tried to comfort her in silence.

Jeonghan must have shown his face.

Who knows what that guy said to cause all of them to leave. I never did like him.

"Dokyeom already left," I heard Soonyoung say. He seemed to have just finished a call.

He put his phone in his pocket and left his hand in there. He stared at the ground before turning to look at me.

"So what now?" He asks me. "Seungcheol probably won't be free later either with the way things are looking."

I put my hands in my pockets with narrow brows. "Wait, why did Dokyeom leave? I thought this was only between Jeonghan and those two."

I tilted my head to the couple that were still having a moment in one of the vehicles.

Hoshi narrowed his brows with a confused expression.

Did I say something wrong?

I mirrored his expression not understanding what he was hinting at.

"Do you not know what happened with Dokyeom and Joshua?" He said, crossing his arms together.

My eyes wandered as I tried to remember the events that happened months after graduation. I shook my head.

"All I recall was Dokyeom punching Joshua," I say. "Nobody really told me what happened since I was heading back to China."

Soonyoung couldn't believe my words. He scoffed and looked at the sky as if I could find the answer to his riddle.

"What a dummy," I heard him mutter noticing my stares.

I scowled at him, but before I can say anything, he spoke up.

"Let's call it a night," he says. "I have to meet up with my agent tomorrow."

"Alright," I say.

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I made my way to my car and I heard a notification go off. I situated myself in the driver seat before responding  to the messages Dokyeom suddenly messaged me.

"Lihua?" I read the name aloud.

His sister was here?

I never saw her though. Weird.

------------- SM POST: Lee Lihua has posted

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