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television-overload · 1 month

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of our own making

(an X-Files fanfic)

Chapter 3/34 - soft blue sweater

[Read on AO3]

That weekend, it is with giddy excitement that Mulder and Scully spend the day at her apartment up to their eyeballs in paperwork, brochures, and Chinese food.

“Next question: where would we live? Together or separate?”

“Together,” she answers, before thinking she should probably soften that affirmative answer with an indifferent, “if that works for you.”

“It more than works for me,” he says with certainty. “I can ask Frohike for the number of the real estate agent who hooked him up with the lair. Or we could live here, either way.”

This is crazy. They’re moving so fast. What they’re thinking of doing doesn’t even make sense. Everyone will think they’ve well and truly lost their minds, and maybe they have!

“This is giving me a headache,” she admits, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.

“I’ll flag that as one to revisit later,” he says, jotting something down in a notebook. “This communicating thing is a lot of work, huh, Scully? No wonder we don’t do it more often.” He grins at her, more freely than he has in a long time.

She rubs a hand over her tired eyes. “No, it’s good. It’s good. I’m glad we’re doing this, Mulder.”

“Me too.”

He just looks so happy, she can’t help but smile back at him. The knot of uncertainty she’s been harboring as a result of her overthinking dissolves instantly in the radiance of his boyish enthusiasm. He’s all soft edges today, for once out of his G-man uniform. Instead, he wears that soft knit blue sweater she likes so much, and jeans that hug him in all the right places.

His socked feet rest on her coffee table while he flips through various documents, assembling them into binders with an attention to detail that she’s only ever seen him apply to their files. She’s mesmerized.

This might be her life. If they go through with this… He just said he’d live with her. Weekends spent together flash before her eyes, not having to say goodbye after one of their movie nights, just ‘goodnight.’ Takeout containers morph into home-cooked dinners at the table in her kitchen. Him making coffee in the morning. Driving to and from work together…

As much as the thought appeals to her, there’s one tiny detail missing that could put an end to this entire operation before it even begins.

“Mulder?” she asks, inadvertently cutting off whatever rambling he’s been doing while she wasn’t paying attention.

He glances up at her, pushing his glasses back up his nose to keep them from sliding off. The sight almost makes her forget what she was going to ask, as important as it was, but in this case, her concern far outweighs anything else.

“Do you think they’ll buy the co-parenting thing? I mean, I’m not really seeing a precedent for it in any of the literature I’ve looked at. Would they even accept our application?”

He’s quiet for a second. That second stretches into two.

“I’ve been thinking about that.”

She swears the entire block goes silent, not even the sound of a car on the street outside or the hum of heat pumping through her apartment. It makes his words feel heavy. Meaningful. Like she’s just dipped into unfamiliar and dangerous territory without knowing it.

“And...?”

He rubs the back of his neck, obviously struggling to verbalize whatever is going on in that beautiful mind of his.

And then he just outright says it.

“We could get married.”

Her eyes go wide.

Married.

“Mulder…”

He puts his hands up, halting her speech. “No, I’m serious. You just said we’d be living together. What’s the difference if we also happen to have a piece of paper that makes it official?”

There’s that look in his eye, the one he gets when he sits her down for one of his slide presentations. Never could she have imagined he’d have the same look when trying to convince her of marriage. It’s overwhelming.

“Unless,” he pauses, “you think you might meet someone sometime in the future, which is a completely valid concern…”

She has to stop him there. “That’s not it at all. I just– What if this doesn’t work out and we don’t get a baby? You’d be stuck with me and have nothing to show for it.”

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, the saying goes. If this fails, she could lose… everything. Is that a risk worth taking? Would he grow to resent her? Would they have to jump through legal hoops to undo all of this if things don’t go their way?

“And you could meet someone too,” she reminds him, “someone that could give you a real family. What then?”

He ducks his head, shaking it in a poor attempt to hide a wry smile. “What’s a real family, anyway?” he counters with a shrug, then grabs her hand. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be stuck with than you, Scully.”

Her eyes find his, searching them for something to clue her in to his thought process. Is he serious? Has he lost his mind? She finds nothing but bare honesty in his emerald depths. Bare honesty, and that hope she’s been seeing there since this whole idea came up. It’s a different look for him, but oh how she loves it. She wants to do everything in her power to keep it there.

“Would you believe me if I told you I’ve thought of asking you before?” he asks.

Her brows furrow, and though part of her wants to bolt, to declare this whole evening an error in judgment, she stays, looking at him warily. His thumb runs over her knuckles, soothing, as if he had known her inclination was to flee from this conversation. Stay , his touch says. Stay with me.

She shakes her head, lips quivering in an almost-smile, and says what he always loves to hear her say. “You’re crazy.”

“No, I’m not!” he counters, equally amused and defensive. “When you had cancer, and I had to fight tooth and nail to get to see you in the hospital…”

She swallows at the memory of waking to find him collapsed by the side of her bed, his hand clasping hers like a lifeline.

“Really?”

“Really,” he answers, his smile softening into fondness. “Though I’m pretty sure Bill would have killed me.”

That brings out a laugh, which Scully shyly hides behind her hand as she wipes it across her nose. When had she started tearing up?

“We’ll buy you a helmet and some shoulder pads, then,” she concedes teasingly.

His mouth quirks up in a smile, knowing precisely what is implied by that response.

“Is that a yes?”

She pauses for a moment, eyes locking with his. Is it? Is she about to agree to marry her best friend?

It should be more of a question, but it isn’t. For some reason, this feels like the most logical thing to do.

She nods.

He shifts on the couch, suppressing a smile and squeezing her hand before letting go. “Well alright then…” he says, crossing his arms in front of him for lack of anything better to do with them. “We can go to the courthouse whenever you’re ready. Or, if you want an actual wedding—”

“No,” she says, a little too quickly. “No, the courthouse will be fine.”

“As long as your mom doesn’t pool her money with Bill to order a hit on me,” he jokes.

“She wouldn’t do that,” she says, rolling her eyes. He does bring up an interesting point though, one that fills her with trepidation. “God, we’ll have to tell her, won’t we? And your mom. And Skinner .”

The dread increases with each name listed.

“We’ll figure that out as we go,” he assures her, placing a calming hand on her knee. “For now, this is just between us. Until you decide otherwise.”

“Just between us,” she agrees, letting his words melt her worries away.

-.-.-

He had lingered for a while in her doorway when the time came for him to go back to his apartment. It was awkward, but not in a way that might cause alarm in light of what they’d just agreed to do.

No, as crazy as it might sound, this was one decision neither of them could imagine regretting. The gravity of the situation, though, was what led to the uncharacteristic silence and shyness as she bade him farewell with an impulsive, last-minute hug. He had smiled, and walked backwards out the door, maintaining eye contact until she slowly shut the door between them.

She lies awake in her bed hours later, unable to sleep.

This morning, she was a perpetually single federal agent with a pipe dream of being a mother. Now, she’s engaged to her partner, and there’s partially filled out adoption paperwork with both his and her names on them burning a hole through her top desk drawer.

The Dana from seven years ago would tell her she’s lost her mind.

But then, that Dana also wouldn’t know how important her crackpot new partner would end up being in her life. Skeptical as she was, she’d hardly believe it anyway.

Engaged . She’s always thought about this day, how it would feel to have a man ask for her hand in marriage. She can say without a doubt that this is not how she expected it to go, but the disappointment one might expect in her situation is absent. They may not be going about this in the traditional way, but it is nothing less than what she’d expect with Mulder.

He had long since rewritten her thoughts on what a normal life was supposed to look like. Her eyes had been opened, the possibilities now seemingly endless instead of linear and predictable. Despite the heartache she has endured over the years, it’s worth it to live with a more complete view of the world. Sometimes, it feels like she and Mulder are the only ones who can see it.

Sighing, she rolls over, her gaze settling on her nightstand.

She shouldn’t. He could be sleeping.

All the same, the corded device beckons her. It’s a temptation she’s familiar with, although tonight it is particularly strong and irresistible.

Don’t, Dana. It’s not real. He’s not really your– Give him space.

She picks up the phone anyway.

Before she can even change her mind, she hears the line connect, and she greets him in the way he’s come to expect.

“Mulder, it’s me.”

She can almost hear him smile on the other end of the call, and all thoughts of this being a bad idea fly from her mind.

“Well if it isn’t the soon-to-be Mrs. Spooky Mulder,” he says jovially, sounding much too awake for her to have interrupted his sleep.

She rolls her eyes, but can’t help the flutter in her chest at his words. At the timbre of his voice, lazy and drawn out at this late hour. He can be endearing when he wants to be. A real sap at times.

“Hey, Scully. We’re engaged.”

“I know,” she speaks into the phone, curling in toward it and holding it with both hands up against her ear. Her pillow welcomes her into its embrace, and she sinks into it, grinning into the covers.

“We’re gonna give poor Skinner a heart attack,” he says with a laugh.

Their poor boss. He must have had no idea what he was getting into when he was assigned to oversee the X-Files.

“He’ll get over it,” she says dismissively.

She hears Mulder chuckle a little, the breathy sound tickling her ear. She can tell he’s tipping back in his rickety desk chair in his apartment by the rhythmic creak that sounds, and she pictures him with his feet up on the desk, maybe spinning his basketball around idly in his hands.

“I don’t know, this might break his heart, Scully,” he teases.

Scully rolls her eyes. “Oh, would you stop that? He does not have a thing for me.”

“He absolutely does, and so does every guy in the building.”

She almost asks, ‘Every guy?’ but thankfully catches herself before uttering those words. Sometimes she wonders, but then everything with Diana had shaken what she thought she knew about him. They are still working on getting back to where they were before. It’s far too fresh for her to make any suppositions about where they stand now.

They fall into a brief silence, each waiting for the other to speak first.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” he finally asks, when it becomes clear she won’t tell him why she called unless prompted.

She sighs. “I can’t sleep.”

He hums softly in amusement, the sound rattling over the phone. “I don’t know if I’m really the expert you want to be talking to on that particular subject, Scully. Just what exactly do you want me to do about it?” he teases.

“Just talk to me,” she says softly, as if speaking quietly will somehow lessen the embarrassment she feels.

“Ah, so you want me to bore you to sleep. Got it,” he says, taking it in stride. “Which cryptid would you like to hear about tonight, Miss Scully?”

She closes her eyes, her lips tightening into a tired smile. “No monsters, Mulder. You know I find those way too fascinating.”

“Ha ha, Scully,” he says, laughing at her obvious joke. “Okay. How about this? There was this kid at my school growing up. Mark. One of twelve siblings in the same family.”

“Twelve?” she asks incredulously.

“Mm-hmm. All of them adopted.”

Her smile widens, and she burrows further into her pillow, tucking her comforter over her shoulders. She loves these little glimpses she gets into his old life, rare as they are. She doesn’t have to ask why he chose to tell her this one tonight of all nights. His motives are as clear as can be.

“They’d go to Disneyland every summer, all twelve of them plus their parents,” he continues. “Sam and I were so jealous. One of the girls was in the same grade as her, so we all hung out a lot. Well, not all of us. With that many siblings, there were bound to be some you just didn’t get along with. We had fun, though.”

“How’d they afford Disneyland with twelve children?” she asks sleepily.

“It was Martha’s Vineyard, Scully,” he answers simply. “They were filthy rich.”

She hums, feeling herself begin to relax at the soothing monotone of his voice. The line falls silent, but she knows he’s still there. She can hear the gentle sound of his breathing. She allows it to lull her into a state of restfulness.

“After Sam disappeared, it didn’t seem fair. He had so many siblings, while I lost the only one I’d ever have. I stayed away from him for a while after that. He was one of the only people at school that didn’t treat me like some criminal or freak after she was abducted, but I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him or his little sister anymore. It was too big a reminder of what I was missing.”

Scully’s heart aches as she listens. This bedtime story doesn’t have a happy ending, she knows. Though her eyes are closed, she feels a tear leak onto her pillow, hurting for the lonely little boy her partner had once been. She wishes, like she has so many times before, that she could have been there for him then like she is now.

His voice returns, crackling over the line. “Eventually I started going over there again,” he continues, “before they moved away. They were kind to me. Treated me like one of their own. It didn’t make up for Sam being gone, of course, but at least I wasn’t completely alone. And it taught me an important lesson, one I think I’m only just beginning to understand.”

“What’s that, Mulder?” Scully slurs, barely keeping awake but wanting to know the answer—this epiphany he’s had. She has to know how he can tell this story without breaking down into tears as she would if it were her own.

“You can choose your family,” he answers finally, as if it were the obvious conclusion to this story. “They might not have been connected by blood, but Mark’s family was connected by something stronger. Love .”

He breathes, perhaps lost in the memory of his childhood friend. Perhaps he’s contemplating the great mysteries and joys of the universe. Either could be possible for this deeply philosophical man.

“It seemed to work out pretty good for them.”

Scully’s heart blooms with emotion, her eyes filling with tears.

“It’s time I choose my family, Scully,” he says softly, his voice lowering to just above a whisper. “I hope one day I’ll find out what happened to my sister. I– I still need to have some closure, I think. But it feels good to hope for something else too, for a change. Something more than piecing together a family that was never together in the first place. So, thank you. You’re the one who showed me it was possible. I think I owe you more than everything, at this point.”

She smiles softly into her pillow, reminded of the feel of his breath on her lips that day in his hallway. It’s a thought she has come back to innumerable times since it happened, and though there have been some shake ups since then, it still brings her comfort.

She allows the memory to wash over her, covering her with a blanket of warmth and security.

And finally, she succumbs to the pull of sleep.

-.-.-

It’s quiet. He listens, recognizing the subtle change in her breathing, and he knows she’s fallen asleep. He could hang up, call it a night, but he selfishly isn’t ready to.

There’s still one more thing he wants to say.

“I choose you, Scully,” he whispers into the phone, too cowardly to say it when she might hear him. “You’re my family. And I can’t wait to see how it grows from here.”

~~~

Lovely tag list ♡: [if you would like to be added or removed, let me know!]

@today-in-fic @ao3feed-msr @agent-troi @angegova @baronessblixen @calimanc @captainsolocide @cutemothman @danasculls @deathsbestgirl @edierone @enigmaticxbee @figureofdismay @frogsmulder @hippocampouts @invidiosa @monaiargancoconutsoy @numinousmysteries @primrose19 @randomfoggytiger @skelavender @skylarksong @slippinmickeys @stephy-gold @teenie-xf @the-redhead-in-a-dress @vincentsleftear @whovianderson

#msr #txf #x files #xf fanfic #mulder and scully #my fanfiction #fox mulder #dana scully #of our own making #ooom #msr adoption fic #adoption

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nickgerlich · 2 years

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Stick Shift

I got my first car in the summer of 1979. Things were different then. Unlike kids today, who usually have wheels by the time they get their license, I was 20 when I got my first one. Heck, my Dad was 34 when he got his (a ’55 Bel Air), so I figured I was doing pretty well. Times had changed, and our car culture had become so ingrained that it was a necessity for daily living.

I’ll never forget Dad taking me to a Toyota dealership. Dad knew the owner, thanks to his many years working for Cadillac. This guy may have defected to the “other side,” a contentious issue back in the 70s, but he gave me a good deal. I got a ’79 2-door Toyota Corolla. AM/FM radio. Heater. Rear defroster.

And a 4-speed manual transmission.

Oh Lord, I had to learn how to drive all over again, but it was fun. The car and I became one, and I quickly learned how to feel my way through the shifts as my speed increased (and without a tachometer, mind you—I went by sound). I could hold my position on a hill with a red light, power through turns, and use my engine as a brake whenever needed. I may not have been Steve McQueen, but it sure felt like it.

Little did I know then that manual transmissions would one day become scarce. They were less expensive than automatic transmissions back then, and got better mileage. And aside from the 2-door Nissan Sentra with the 4-speed manual my first wife had brought into the marriage, my long-term automotive future would be exclusively automatic from the mid-80s forward.

Today, good luck even finding a manual transmission. Only 2.4% of new cars come with a stick. We as a society have gone so long with so few that knowing how to drive a manual transmission has put me in dying breed category. Automatics have come a long way. They’re no longer an expensive option, and fuel economy has been vastly improved. I get it.

There’s a great essay about this woeful reality in The Atlantic, and worth the read. Truth be known, it’s a lot like riding a bicycle. You never forget. But first you have to learn. I would give anything to have one again just for the feel of being completely in control.

Which all got me to thinking this morning about the other products and methods that have somehow managed to slip into the collective rear view. I am old enough to be able to generate a pretty long list. Give it a few years, my students. You’ll get there. Or, as my mother used to say, “You’ll get old, too,…if you live long enough!”

Let’s talk about calculators. True, the generation before mine could bemoan their existence, because they did math using a slide rule. But I didn’t have that basis point, other than about a year of high school math in which we were taught to use them, but then calculators were introduced. That was the end of that. Even with a mechanical aid, we still had to calculate long equations. And while at university, we still had to manually calculate t-tests, F-tests, chi-squares, and so forth. We had to know the mechanics.

Of course, we have software for everything these days, and I have used SPSS for many decades now. All I have to know is which method is appropriate, and then know how to manipulate the software. Easy peasy, but for students today, they likely have no idea—nor appreciation—of how those stats are derived. You really learn about the sensitivity of sample size when you do them by hand.

And what about spreadsheets? Is there anyone under 40 who knows how to keep books on a ledger sheet using a pencil? Good grief, we use spreadsheets for everything, and for far more than just accounting. They are one of the great organizational conveniences of the modern era (actually, dating back more than 35 years to when I first used one), but once again, we have lost the skill to make those columns all add up.

I could go on about anything computerized. Word processing and presentations come to mind. Typing is a breeze today compared to knowing how to insert your paper onto the platen, snugly within the paper guides. You then had to set margins, both visually and manually, and then commence to typing, hoping and praying you never had to erase or use liquid paper to fix things. There were no word counts other than what you counted.

And presentations were simple, often acetate transparencies made by running them through a copy machine from an original printed from Word. And you thought PowerPoints were boring.

I’ll stop soon. Trust me. I don’t want you to think I am a grumpy, self-righteous old man. I have embraced all of the changes that have come along, and they keep coming. I say “Bring it!” Yes, I know how to use an atlas or one of those fold-out maps we used to get at gas stations, but I prefer my Google Maps. I prefer shopping online, because I am no longer limited to nearby stores and catalogs. I prefer cashless, self-check, and QR codes to pay my tab at the table. I can be oh-so-modern like that.

It all boils down to your baseline, as well as your openness to change. It’s easy for younger people today to laugh at the ways and days of old, but your time is coming. What you consider the norm now will be replaced once or more before you get old. And then you’ll have to figure out where you stand on all this change, as well as the skills you acquired today no longer being needed in the future.

But the ultimate question is this: Can you drive a stick? I can, and that is the ultimate cool. End of story.

Dr “Don’t Pop The Clutch“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #manual #stick shift #obsolete

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heyitsjay03 · 3 years

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Fighting for Tomorrow

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I still haven’t raised enough cash to own AOT, so I... don’t... own... it. For now

Reiner x Fem!Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Fem!Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 9.3k!!!

TW: gore/blood/violence/death, adult language/swearing, loss/grief

AN: It is finally time to get into the juicy stuff >:) Or... at least hint towards it lmao. The real juicy stuff happens later BUT it’s still a juicy one today folks!

You can read parts one, two, and three just by tapping the lovely numbers!

I can’t see.

I can’t move.

Move, _________. You have to move.

I try moving my hand. I just want to lift it. Small steps.

It twitches upwards.

Swallowing, I try to open my mouth.

...nothing.

Move, dammit. You have to move.

I can feel myself pushing through the darkness surrounding me. It’s thick and heavy and something is sucking me back down into it. Tendrils wrap around my arms and legs as I push on, dragging me back down.

I have to move. Sasha, Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Reiner- everyone. I need to find them.

Slowly, my tongue lifts and presses up against the back of my lips. They part, sticking together slightly as my tongue pushes through.

“...awake,” I whisper. My eyes peel open. Everything’s blurry and hazy as I stare up at the sky, ceiling, whatever is above me. “Awake.” I say again, firmer and a bit louder.

“_________?”

Footsteps hurry over to me and I feel myself being lifted up. Someone hovers over me. Fingers brush my face, delicate and soft. Blinking slowly, my vision is cleared up.

“Hey there, softie,” I say quietly.

Reiner scoffs, tears pricking the edges of his eyes. I smile softly, letting my eyes slide to the others surrounding me. Connie, Jean, Sasha, Bertholdt, Marco. “Seems… like most… of the gang… is here,” I mutter, sitting up.

“You should take it easy,” Reiner mumbles, rubbing my shoulders. “You lost a lot of blood.”

“I’m alright,” I say gently, running my fingers over the bandages wrapped around my entire torso. My shirt’s gone- cut up to get to my wounds, I’m sure.

“Have you guys seen Armin? Or Eren?” I ask, looking up to them. The group goes silent and rigid. My stomach churns as I look at each of their faces. “...what’s happened?” I ask quietly, my hands shaking at my sides.

“...we’ve only found Armin,” Connie answers, “And he hasn’t said anything.”

“Where is he?” I ask, getting to my feet. The group protests, urging me to sit down. “Where is he?” I ask, more firm with my words as I stand up straight.

Sasha points across the rooftop. Armin’s head is lowered, his fists gripping his hair. I take a step forward and stumble. Reiner catches me before I hit the tiles and I laugh softly. “...for some reason, this reminds me of something,” I mumble as we walk across the roof.

“You scared me,” he says, “They said that you lost too much blood- I thought-”

“I’m here,” I smile. “I’m here and I’m walking and I’m breathing. There’s nothing to worry about right now.”

Reiner nods. “Just… don’t do that again,” he says firmly, “You understand me?”

“Yessir.”

We stop just a few steps away from Armin. I tap Reiner’s forearm- silently telling him I can go on by myself. Slowly, I walk up to Armin. “...Armin.” I call softly, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He looks up at me. Shadows make his eyes look like empty caves, all barren and dark. “..._________,” he whispers. Tears brim in his eyes and his whole body shakes.

“Where’s the rest of your squad, kid?”

The trembling in his body causes the tiles beneath him to clink together. His fists in his hair tighten and I can see his jaw clench. Tears are now pouring down his face- hot and fast. “Armin, are you hurt-”

“Mikasa!”

My eyes turn to the whirring above us and hear footsteps running on the tiles above us. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I smile. “Mikasa’s here. Do you…” I trail off, staring at his eyes.

They’re even wider, filled with fear. Genuine and pure fear.

“Armin, what is wrong?” I ask, kneeling back down in front of him.

“_________! Armin!” Mikasa calls, running to us. “Are you okay?”

“Just a bit of a nasty scratch,” I hum, smiling as I take her into a hug. “But I’m okay.”

Mikasa nods and looks down at Armin. “Armin, are you…?”

Armin starts to choke, heaving every breath like he couldn’t get it in fast enough. I reach out to touch his shoulder but he ducks away, his head snapping up to look us in the eyes. “We… the Cadets of Squad 34… Thomas Wagner, Nick Tius… Millius Zerumiski… Mina Carolina- Eren Yeager! These five carried out their duty and put up a heroic fight!”

“Armin… What are you-” I’m cut off by the look he gives me. I shake my head. “No… No.”

“I… I’m so sorry.”

“No, no,” I shake my head, getting to my feet. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” A wail rips out of my lips, branching from the very pit of my stomach and stemming into every vein inside of me. My hands clutch my chest, gripping the bandages wrapped around me.

Tears choke me at the base of my throat, only allowing mangled sobs out. He’s dead. The kid I looked out for, watched over like he was blood- he’s dead and I didn’t stop it. I broke my promise. I lied to Carla.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

My baby brother is dead.

Another scream shreds through me, echoing around the buildings.

And all at once, everything stops- the pain, the screaming, the crying. It just. Stops.

My eyes are fixated on the sky. Cloudy and grey. Unblinkingly, I stare at the sky.

Wake up.

_________.

Wake. Up.

It’s time to wake up.

--.--

My eyes shoot open.

I’m back in my old house in Shiganshina. Something’s cooking in the oven. It smells like some pastry- I can’t put my finger on the exact one. My hands tremble as I stare at them. There’s no scarring, no bruising. Just perfect, smooth skin and long nails- not bitten or torn off from the constant anxiety.

It’s so warm and soft and gentle- like the days before…

Before what? Nothing’s happened. I’m home and the wedding’s tomorrow. The ceremony is planned out just like it has been. I’ll be married and the debt will be paid off. And a few days after that, I have that appointment to go to with Mister Becker and his family.

Something tugs at the very base of my being, urging me to remember something.

What was it?

Something was supposed to happen today... right?

A knock resounds around the kitchen. I freeze, staring at the door. Another knock. Slowly, I get to my feet and open the door. Three kids. My three kids. Mikasa, all tucked away behind her scarf as she gives me a short- still warm but short- hug. Armin, already eagerly shoving a new book into my hands and opening it to his favorite page. And then-

It’s Eren. His black hair is plastered to his face with blood and sweat and dirt. His body shakes and there’s a gaping hole where one of his eyes is supposed to be.

“You let this happen to me,” he says quietly, his eye wide and unblinking.

“I would… I would never let this happen to you,” I whisper, shaking my head.

Eren looks down at himself. My eyes follow his gaze. Red starts to seep into the middle of his shirt, blossoming outwards and growing in intensity. Slowly, Eren looks back up at me.

“Yes,” he says quietly, “you did.”

Without another word, he crumples to the floor in a puddle of his own blood. I scream, running towards him but something shackles itself around my arms and legs- holding me in place. My body thrashes in its hold. One arm manages to tear out and I reach for him. His eye closes as my fingers graze his forearm.

As I’m pulled back I can hear his voice.

“You let this happen.”

--.--

“..._________!” Sasha’s in front of me, gripping me at the shoulders and shaking me. Her eyebrow furrowed, she stares into my eyes with concern. “_________!”

“I… I’m… I’m here,” I whisper, grabbing her wrists. “I can hear you.”

“We’re gonna take back HQ,” she says, helping me to my feet.

Nodding, I follow her to the edge of the roof in silence. Something grabs my wrist and tugs me back. The familiar warmth and solidity of Reiner’s chest almost brings me to my senses.

Almost.

“_________, you’ve lost too much blood for this,” he says, “If you’re going, you’re letting me carry you.”

A smile creeps onto my face as my arms snake around his neck. Lips brushing together, I can feel his gaze- concerned and harsh. “...I love you,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his.

“...but no.”

And I fall.

The wind flutters through my hair, running up my skin. My fingers click the triggers and I’m shot through the clouds. Various clicks and whirs follow after me. Annie, Bertholdt, Jean, Reiner, Sasha, Connie- they swing and arch at my sides.

“Listen, _________-” he says, arching back upwards. “I need t’tell you something.”

I nod in acknowledgment, shifting a bit in my harness as the leather digs into my side slightly.

It’s not a harsh pain, something I can’t take but… It should hurt a lot more than it does. If they weren’t exaggerating the amount of blood I lost, I should be in much more pain than I am. And I shouldn’t even be able to stand- much less walk and use ODM gear.

Adrenaline. That’s what it is. Adrenaline and delusion. Even as I’m physically here, physically present and seeing and hearing and feeling- I can feel myself slipping.

The grip on my controllers is tight but the grip on my reality is faltering.

Rei groans, “This isn’t something I can just say-”

“If you’re going to say something, just say it!” I snap, rolling my body beneath my bandages. I can’t take this cushioning bullshit.

I can see him sigh and take a deep breath in. “_________, listen… I’m the-”

“Titan!” Connie yells. My eyes dart to my left.

“Three meter!” I call out as my eyes land on the smaller Titan weaving through the alleyway. “Avoid it! We don’t have enough gas!”

The group on my left starts to break off into two different directions- even further left and slipping just behind me. “Make sure no one falls behind,” I call, eyes darting to Reiner beside me.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Reiner, please,” I say just loud enough for him to hear. “I can’t lose anyone else.”

“Then send Jean- or Annie, _________!” He snaps. Frustration is blatant on his face- all trenches in his skin.

“I’m choosing you because I know you’ll make it back to me.”

The trenches leave his face; his eyes soften. Slowly, he nods. “...okay. Just…”

“I know- be safe.”

“And make it back to me.”

“I will… I love you.”

“I love you, too, forest girl.”

--.--

“Brace!” I scream as the wires of my gear launch into either side of the window. Wind whips around me as I curl into myself, waiting to burst through the glass. My body collides with the windowpane- sending shards cutting into the exposed skin around the bandages.

I let out a long huff of breath as I slam against the floor. “Shit…” I mutter, gripping my side. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“_________!” Jean hurries over, helping me to my feet. “You al-”

“Ask me if I’m okay again and I will not hesitate to cut your nose off,” I hiss. My eyes turn to the rest of the windows- all intact. “...are we the-?”

I’m cut off as figures hurl themselves through the windows, shattering glass flying in different directions. Jean and I wrap ourselves around each other to protect each other from the shards. Boots slam against the floorboards as more and more cadets pour inside.

As we pull apart, I give Jean a smile and ruffle his hair. “Thanks, kid.”

“Sure thing, Mom.”

My name is called and I run to its source. Reiner’s arm wrap around me, tucking me into his chest. “You’re okay,” I breathe out as I run my hand up and down his chest. I pull away and look up at him. He’s staring at me with those gorgeous eyes, a small smile on his lips. “You made it back to me,” I whisper, laying my hand against his face and rubbing his cheek with my thumb.

“And you are letting me check your wound,” he says firmly, laying his hand over mine. “That’s an order.”

“I’m higher up than you,” I laugh softly. “Got a whole squad ‘nd everything.”

“I’m going by Top Ten rules,” he teases. Reiner’s hand slides down mine and wraps around my wrist. “Now… Let’s go.”

--.--

We sit in the darkened storage room- away from the prying eyes of the others. Reiner’s hands are soft and gentle as they unwrap the bandages around me. The two of us are silent in waiting. Nervously, I twirl the ring around my finger. It’s covered in blood and I can barely see the glint of the moonstone beneath it but… That’s fixable. I can always clean it.

As the last of the bandage is pulled away, Reiner hands me his jacket. I drape it across my bare chest and wait for his reaction to the wound. “...how is it?” I whisper. The maneuvers I was doing on ODM and bursting through glass should’ve torn it more or something.

Reiner ‘tsk’s his tongue. “...maybe not.”

“‘Maybe not’ what?” I ask, looking slightly over my shoulder. The movement sends a single shock of pain up from the wound. I hiss and go back to facing the wall opposite us.

“I just… I thought something but maybe not,” he mumbles, fingers prodding the sore muscles around my wound.

“What did you think, Rei?” I ask, worriedly spinning my ring around my finger again.

“I thought... maybe it was infected or maybe it was deeper than we thought before.” Reiner says gently, “But it’s not. It’s actually a bit shallow. I think most of the blood we found wasn’t yours.”

“And no signs of infection?” I ask, eyebrows furrowing together.

“No, darling,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to the back of my head. “You’re gonna be okay.”

I instantly relax under his touch. There’s no reason he would lie to me- not about this… not about anything. I know I can trust my bumbling mountain man.

Taking a deep inhale in, I close my eyes and feel his fingers slide up along my spine and back down towards the wound. “...you’ll need to stitch me up,” I murmur as my skin tingles in the wakes of his fingers. “See if you can push the edges of the wound together with some pressure.”

“You’ll need to lay down… Here, hand me your jacket.” I grab the blood-stained jacket off the floor and hand it to him. The fabric rustles around a bit for a moment. “Now, lay back,” Reiner says quietly, one hand snaking up to the base of my neck while the other holds me at the base of my back. A goofy smile plays his lips as he hovers over me. Pink dusts his cheeks as the hand at my back reaches up and brushes hair from my face.

“Hi there, Doctor Braun,” I coo, kissing the inside of his palm.

“My favorite patient,” he hums. “...now, c’mon, let’s get you on your side.”

Slowly, I roll over onto my right side and tuck the jacket beneath my head, crossing my arms over my exposed chest. His hand clamps down on the wound and a jolt of pain runs up my spine. “I can’t get the edges to stay together.”

“And the edges- they’re jagged?”

“...yeah.”

“Stitch me up, Doctor Braun.”

“On it, Miss Braus.” Reiner rustles around through the medpack behind me. His fingers ghost my skin, swiping my hair from my neck before placing a kiss there. “This may sting,” he whispers in my ear before pulling away. I take a deep breath in and feel him pierce the top layer of skin, weaving the jagged ends together.

“Not so bad,” I mumble, wincing only slightly as he strikes a particularly sore area.

“Always was a tough one,” Reiner laughs quietly. “Makes no sense as to why you fell for me.”

“I think it was your way with words,” I hum, remembering that night in the woods. “Or maybe your way with kids.”

Reiner scoffs a laugh. “Really? You? Falling for someone based on how good they are with kids?”

I laugh, “Yeah, I know… What a softie I’ve turned out to be.”

“...I mean… Over half the squad calls you ‘Mom’... and the other half calls you ‘Nurse Kickass’.”

“...you’re joking.”

“Nope.”

“Yes, you are- don’t play with me.”

“Ask Marco when we get back,” he laughs, “I’m telling you- I wouldn’t make that up.”

“Alright, fine, I will… Also, what did you want to tell me earlier? Before I sent you to make sure no one gets left behind?”

Reiner’s hands still against my skin. The air around us goes stale. “I just… I don’t know how to say this.”

I turn to look over my shoulder. His eyes are wide, unblinking- gaze turned down towards the floor. “Hey…” I whisper, pressing a hand to his cheek and smiling gently. “Are you okay?”

Slowly, his eyes peel from the floor. As he looks up at me, I can see the haze of unfamiliarity clouding his eyes. Even his skin flinches under my touch.

“...Reiner, are you okay?”

“W-who…?” His eyebrows furrowing, he places his hands on mine shakily.

“Reiner, please- you’re scaring me,” I mumble, my eyes searching his for any trace of warmth, of recognition, of him.

And then all at once, the haze is gone.

A smile crosses his lips. Reiner leans into my touch, “What’s wrong?”

“You were… You were acting strange…” I mutter, “Are you okay? Did you see something out there?”

Reiner coughs a heartless laugh. “...yeah… It wasn’t pretty… I guess I’m just…”

“Tsk…,” I sigh, “After this, we’re going for a swim in our lake, okay? Just me ‘nd you. We need it and you deserve it.”

Reiner hums in appreciation. “Sounds like a plan, Miss Braus.”

“Good… Now, Doc- can you stitch me up before some idiot stumbles in on me half-naked?”

“I’ll get right on that,” he says as I lay back on my side. “How’re you holding up?”

“...Franz is dead.”

“I heard,” Reiner mumbles as he tugs the needle through my skin. “Was he-”

“Yeah,” I whisper, “Bitten in half.”

“Shit…”

“Hanna- she wouldn’t leave him… she just kept… she kept trying to bring him back with CPR. It was… it was like… it was like she couldn’t accept it. That she wouldn’t, Rei.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says gently, pressing a kiss to the back of my neck.

Tears slide down my face as I remember the fear in her eyes, the frantic way her hands trembled. “...I left her,” I whisper, twirling the ring around my finger as a desperate attempt to bring me back to reality. “I left her behind and there were Titans coming- Reiner, what if she-”

“You can’t think like that.”

“Reiner, she wanted our help and we just-”

“You survived. There wasn’t another choice... You were low on gas, you were severely wounded, she was trying to bring half a dead body back to life- you couldn’t have done anything.”

I’m silent now as I take a deep breath in.

He’s right. Hanna was gone. There was nothing I could do.

“...all done.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, hand snaking over my waist to entwine with his. “For everything.”

“Of course,” he says quietly.

“I mean it, Rei. For everything.”

“I know, darling,” Reiner chuckles as he kisses my neck again. He lowers his voice as he speaks into my ear. “Now… as much as I love seeing you without a bra on, I’m also waiting for some asshole to walk in here and see what’s mine.”

I laugh and sit up, “Possessive today, aren’t we?”

“I thought you died when you collapsed on the roof- I have a right to be overly protective today.”

--.--

“...it’s… fighting… them?” I ask, eyes flicking between Jean, Armin, and Mikasa. “The Titan…? Is fighting the other… Titans.”

“I know it sounds insane,” Jean blurts, “I didn’t believe them either- but I saw it. It was fighting them.”

“You’re sure it’s not like… territory defense or competing for food?”

Armin shakes his head. “It didn’t have an interest in us at all. It was just focused on fighting-”

“And killing,” Mikasa cuts in.

“And killing… the other Titans.”

I laugh in disbelief, running a hand through my hair. Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any weirder. “Armin, do you think we can… ‘use’ it somehow?”

Armin nods hesitantly, “I don’t think it has an interest in us so… maybe?”

I sigh. “We can discuss that later… More urgent matters, right?” I ask, gesturing to the room of nervous Cadets. “You ready to tell us your plan?”

“It’s not as much a plan as it is an idea-” Armin starts.

“It’s more than anyone else has,” I mutter, “So get going.”

Armin nods once, leading the rest of us to a schematic sprawled out on the stone floor. The rest of us huddle around him- smooshing together to peek over his shoulder. I can hear the others murmuring to each other. Doubts. Concerns. But also awe. Awe in how the small, quiet blond kid from Shiganshina could have a strategy so well thought-out.

As he’s explaining, his soft blue eyes dart to me and to Mikasa for reassurance. And we give it to him. Armin continues- still unsteady but quickly gaining confidence. As he finishes, he runs a hand through his hair. “...we’ll be needing the seven most athletic for this to work.”

My lips part, ready to offer up my services.

I’m cut off. Six speak at once, all the same word. ‘No’.

“You’re wounded,” Mikasa states, gesturing down to the bandages that wrap and cover my torso. “Those bandages won’t allow for much movement, either. It doesn’t matter if you are one of those seven- we need this to be perfect.”

“_________,” Armin says quietly, “I… I wanted you in the lift. Even if you weren’t injured. You’re a great leader. These people trust you.”

A chill runs down my spine. People trust me? With their lives? What have I done to deserve that? Being a Squad Leader- it was more of a title. It didn’t mean much but this? These people don’t have to trust me. They just… do?

“...I… Okay… Okay… I can… I can do that.”

“Are we sure this is the way to go?” Armin asks.

“Time’s running out and no one else has a plan,” Marco mumbles as he looks down at the schematic. “Let’s just suck it up and do it.”

--.--

Breathe in. Look down the sights. Breathe out. Breathe in. Adjust angle. Breathe out.

Footsteps march closer.

Thud.

...Thud.

…...Thud.

Heartbeat or footsteps- can’t tell.

Who cares, just focus.

Breathe in. Adjust and tighten grip. Breathe out. “Steady,” I whisper as the others around me whimper. “Wait for my signal.”

Thud.

...Thud.

Rush of wind.

The Titan looks at us, dead-eyed and not blinking. Its breathing floods into the lift and pushes me back just a bit. Adjusting my stance, I tighten my grip on the gun in my hands. “...steady…” I mumble as the Titan approaches.

The man just below me trembles horribly. The gun rattling around in his quaking hands, he lets out a single whimper. “Steady your gun, soldier,” I snap, “You aren’t the only one that’s terrified.”

The man nods, frantically adjusting his grip as the Titan gets even closer to us. “Marco…” I call softly, not taking my eyes off the Titan in front of me. “...what’s your count?”

I can hear him swallow. “...three.”

Another Titan slides into the corners of my vision. “That’s five…”

“One more here,” Marco says, the shudder evident in his voice.

The Titan in front of me looms closer. Its eyes are fixated on me, staring right into me. Shudders are now running rampant through my skin. Taking a deep breath, I steady my hands as my legs fidget beneath me. The Titan’s eye comes to look up the barrel up at me. The lens of its eye scrapes against my gun.

“Seven,” someone hisses next to me.

Something shifts in the darkness. I risk a quick glance to my left at the shape. The last Titan. “...too far,” I mumble, rolling my shoulder back and staring at the Titan just at the end of my gun. “Wait for it to get closer.”

“_________, the others are-”

“If we miss, we’re all screwed,” I snap, “...wait for my signal.”

More footsteps stumbling closer. “...Freckles,” I whisper, not taking my eyes off the Titans in front of me. “How far off?”

“...gun’s length.”

“Ready…,” my hands tighten around my gun. “Fire!” I scream, pulling the trigger back. All at once, guns explode as a single unit and the lift is jostled. The Titans stagger about, clutching their eyes and groaning in pain. Whirs come from the ceiling- glints of blades in the shadows just behind the Titans.

One by one, the bodies fall.

Except two.

“...Sasha and Connie missed!”

My body kicks up- that jolt from earlier back again. My hands are on the last blades I have and I’m over the lift, jumping out to the Titan in front of me. I can see Sasha stumbling backwards, staring up at the Titan before her. “Sasha, get out of there!” I scream, pulling the blades out of their containers. “Run!”

Landing on the Titan’s neck, I plant my foot on the back of its head and lift the blades above my head. I bring them down, slashing through its nape. The slab of skin slides off the Titan in red ooze. The other Titan falls as well, Annie and Mikasa jumping down from its shoulders.

Something moist branches out from my side- a dull pain stemming from my back.

Shit.

Must have popped some stitches.

The Titan’s body shudders beneath me as it collides with the floor. “Sasha,” I mutter, waving her to me. Eyes wide, she takes hesitant steps towards me. “Today!” I snap, clutching my side as my words create more pain from my wound.

Sasha hurries over. “...I… I… I failed!” she screams, hands flying to her hair and tugging. “I failed in front of everybody!”

“Shh,” I mumble, placing my free hand on her shoulder. “You can’t beat yourself up about it. There’ll be other times to prove yourself.”

“But-!”

“I am begging you to please just… Shut the hell up about this for a second,” I wince, the pain steadily becoming more intense. “Just… help me walk. I need more stitches.”

--.--

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Reiner mutters, stitching up my back again.

“What should I have done, huh?” I ask as I tuck my arms tighter around myself. “Let her die?”

“Annie and Mikasa-”

“She’s my sister. It doesn’t matter who else can help- I’m always going to be there for her.”

“I know and that’s what the problem is!” Reiner hisses, his voice raising slightly. Sighing, he lowers his voice back down to a strained mutter. “You put everyone- especially her- above yourself. It’s going to get you killed.”

“...I just…” I shudder- from the cold or from the realisation, I can’t tell. Tears prick my eyes. I shut them and tuck my body into itself even more. “I’m… I’m so terrified of losing her, Reiner… Of losing any of you. I… I already lost Eren. And Hanna. And Franz. And Carla and Grisha and… I’d do anything to keep anything from happening to you.”

The needle clatters into the medkit. I can hear Reiner sigh behind me. Slowly, his warmth gets closer and he snakes his arms around my body, tucking me into him. “I understand,” he says quietly as his head rests on top of mine. “But just… try. Try to be more careful. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you. What any of us would do without you but… I’d lose my mind without you...”

“I can do that.”

Reiner presses his lips to that spot just under my ear. “Thank you.”

A small smile graces my lips as I turn to look at him. He’s got that shine in his eyes again. All gentle and soft as his hand wipes away the tears on my face. “...there,” Reiner hums, “All better.”

“You’re so soft,” I tease, pressing my lips against his.

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffs a laugh, “Pop another stitch and-”

“You’ll punish me?” I finish, my eyes sliding over to him- half hidden beneath my lashes and lids. A coy smile graces my lips as I look up at him.

Reiner’s face turns bright red. Words fail to stumble out past his lips as they open and close. “U-uh…”

“It’s so easy,” I roll my eyes and reach into the medkit, taking out the roll of bandages. “Hurry up and wrap me up before your brain fizzles out.”

--.--

“Mikasa!” I call, launching up onto the roof beside her. Armin, Reiner, Jean, Annie, and Bertholdt follow me. “What’re you-”

“That Titan…” she mumbles, gesturing to the scene before us. The rampaging Titan from earlier- it’s pinned up against a building, thrashing and roaring as other Titans tear into its stomach. Handfuls of flesh are ripped from its torso, shoved into eager mouths. “If we could’ve unraveled the secrets of that Titan… I thought maybe we might find a way to get out of this situation.”

“I agree,” Reiner states from behind me. “If the bastard gets himself torn to shreds, we’ll never learn a thing... let’s drive the Titans around it away and keep it alive.”

“Are you crazy, Reiner?!” Jean snaps, “We finally have a way to get out of this place and you want to risk it all for a Titan?”

“What if there’s a possibility that Titan becomes our ally?” Annie suggests, her words cold as she stares straight at me.

“‘Ally’?! Are you insane?” Jean scoffs and turns to me. “Tell them, Mo- _________! They’re insane!”

I swallow, eyebrows drawn together as I look from the Titan to Reiner. “I… I dunno about this, Rei. It’s… It’s a Titan. Whether or not it’ll attack us is still up in the air.”

“Think about it,” Annie continues, her eyes still on me with a somehow even greater focus. “Wouldn’t that be a more powerful weapon than any cannon we have?” She tilts her head to the Titan as it tries to shove one of the others off of itself.

“...it did manage to fight off more than a few on its own,” I mumble, “Maybe…” I stop and groan, running a hand through my hair. “Maybe we can-”

The Titan roars. The ground beneath us quakes as it pushes through the others eating away at its stomach, running for another Titan walking just in front of HQ. The Titan’s arms are ripped from its body as it continues charging. Its maw opens and, with another loud roar, the rampaging Titan sinks its teeth into the other’s neck.

We all watch in stunned silence as it flips the Titan back and forth, shaking it until the neck rips and the body is flung down the street. It’s like… A wolf breaking its prey’s neck. Deliberate and precise. Not an accident.

Murder.

“...I guess not,” I mumble, watching as the Titan stands up straight and lets out another roar.

“Save it, my ass,” Jean says, chuckling breathlessly.

“Do you think-”

I’m cut off as the Titan falls to the floor. After the collision, it stays still. Not breathing. Not moving. Nothing.

“...guess it doesn’t have anything left,” Jean says, walking to the other side of the roof. “C’mon… haven’t you seen enough?”

I peel my eyes away, starting to turn when Mikasa’s hand shoots out and grabs my arm. I turn to face her. Her eyes are stuck on the Titan, mouth open slightly. “What’s wrong?” I ask, turning back towards the Titan.

And I see it.

In the smoke. The nape of the Titan’s neck. Something stirs in the skin before bursting through. The muscle and bones are quickly evaporating, disappearing around it.

Around him.

--.--

“I just…” I mumble, staring at the plate of untouched bread in front of me. “I don’t understand…”

“He’s still Eren,” Annie states. “Does any of this change that?”

“I guess not?” I groan, running hands through my hair and letting my head hit the table. “I dunno…”

“It’s Eren,” she presses. “The same kid you protect like he’s your kid. You just gonna give that up because he’s a Titan?”

I go quiet. She’s not wrong- even if he is a Titan, he’s still Eren. He’s the same little boy I’ve been looking after. It’s just…

Titans- they’re destructive and ugly and filthy- abominations. How could Eren be like… them? Hunger-crazed, carnivorous beasts that steal and destroy and murder so many of our comrades, so many of our families? And now Eren is one of them? He’s just…

“...I don’t. Know.” I mumble, staring up at Annie. Her eyes are still as they focus on me. I can tell she wants an explanation.

Sighing, I sit back up. “Look... Our whole lives we’ve been taught to hate Titans... Shiganshina and Wall Maria? They taught us to fear them. The last three years, we’ve been taught to fight them… It’s a little hard to come to terms with the fact that my kid is the very thing I was told to fear and to fight.”

Reiner’s hand slides to rest on my lower back. “And no one is expecting you to leave that behind. Annie’s just… feelin’ ya out.”

I nod, giving her a small smile. The corner of her lips curve upwards in return. Turning to Reiner, I press my lips to his cheek. “I should… I should go check on my sister…” I whisper.

Reiner nods and lets me get up. A throbbing pain starts to resound through my head. Another stress headache. Fantastic. My fingers rub circles in my temple as I walk to where Sasha sits.

“...hey…” I say quietly, sitting down beside her. “How ya feelin’?”

Sasha only groans in response. Her hands are clutching her stomach, her face pale. She looks like shit.

And so I tell her.

“You look like shit,” I scoff, “You need’a take one?”

Sasha’s eyes flick over to me as I smirk, staring out at the street. She lets out a breath and nudges me. “...shut up…”

“I’m serious! If you need t’go, go. No judgement here.”

“You’re bein’ gross.”

“I was a doctor’s assistant,” I laugh, “Gross was normal for me.”

The two of us laugh quietly before it quickly dies down into concerned silence. “...but seriously,” I mumble, turning to look at her, “Are you okay?”

She can’t even look at me. Her whole body trembles. Sasha’s eyes brim up with tears and her jaw clenches as she lurches forward. “I… I… I submitted! To a Titan!”

“And?”

Her eyes fly back to me. “Whaddya mean ‘and’?! I submitted to a Titan! I failed my squad- they were countin’ on me and I-!”

“We all survived,” I cut in, “And yeah- we were lucky to all survive but that doesn’t change the fact that we did survive... So why are you so freaked out about the fact that you messed up if everyone still survived?”

“Because my comrades… they can’t trust me anymore and they-”

“They’re better off alive without trust in you than dead with trust in you, first off. And second, look around!” I laugh, gesturing to the bustling street filled with soldiers and cadets alike.

“These people are just happy to be alive… Your little screw up? ...it’s not on their minds right now- it may be later but that just means you have to earn that trust back. Prove yourself or... keep freaking out about it and screw up even worse next time.”

Sasha shoots me a glare. I shrug. She sighs, arms coming undone from around her waist. “...how’re you holdin’ up?”

“...well… I got a horrible headache, my back feels like shit, three’a my kids are bein’ questioned by the Garrison because one of them is a Titan, and…” I trail off, my sarcasm dying on my lips.

Flashes of memories with Hanna and Franz play in my vision. Teaching Hanna how to wrap wounds in the lamplight. Giving Franz advice on how to impress Hanna- and giving him bad advice to mess with him. Talking to Hanna about seeing the outside world and breathing real air. Franz teaching me how to open windows from the outside, so I could sneak in and out whenever. Hanna excitedly asking how Reiner and my first date had gone.

And then Franz, laying in a pool of his own blood and bitten in half. Hanna’s eyes- wide and trembling and filled with betrayal- staring at me as she screams for me to help. Just the look she had… gods… It was like… It was like she was drowning and all she wanted was for someone to snatch her arm and pull her out but…

But I left her there.

“..._________?”

I take a shaky, deep breath in and force a crumbling smile. “...and I led half my squad to their deaths.” My smile trembles and falters as my eyes turn to the sky. Breathing wavering, a cold laugh passes my lips. “I sent them to die and I didn’t even go back to help them.”

“You’re wounded,” Sasha says quietly, her fingers gently resting against the bandages beneath my Cadets jacket.

“That’s not good enough,” I sniff, still staring up at the cloudless sky. “That’s not nearly good enough… I went to HQ- I was just behind Jean. I could’ve-”

“Died,” Sasha states firmly, “You could’ve died. You were bleeding out- you passed out. You needed stitches and couldn’t even walk without Reiner or me or Jean! So don’t say ‘you could’ve saved them’ because…”

Sasha trails off. I turn to face her. Tears are streaming down her face and her fists are clenched in her lap. “B… Because… Because you couldn’t have. Because you would’ve died and left me here. Alone... Again.”

Her words cut into me like blades.

All this time, she told me she blamed Tobias for taking me away. But I never realised… I didn’t even think… I didn’t know she was…

“Sasha, I-” the words get caught in my throat as I look at her. My baby sister. All teary-eyed and breathing raggedly. Because of me. Because I left her alone with our parents, starving and burdened with so much responsibility. Because I left her alone after caring for her and looking out for her for her whole life- just up and left one night.

I wasn’t even able to see her- for three years, she had to imagine us meeting through letters and daydreams.

And I was prepared to do it again. Forever.

What have I done?

I swallow thickly and take Sasha’s hand. Gripping it tightly, I look into her eyes as tears flow from mine. “Sasha, look at me,” I mutter, “...I… promise I’m never gonna leave you again. Ever. I’ll always be with you… by your side.”

Sasha’s eyes widen slightly before her grip around my hand tightens. “I won’t leave you, either. I’ll stay with you.”

Smiling, I wrap my arms around her. My fingers run up and down her back as I press my lips to her temple. “I promise,” I whisper softly.

“I promise, too.”

--.--

“...if I’m going to die in this mass suicide, I want to at least…” I trail off, watching my finger trail down the leather strap across his chest.

Reiner chuckles, his fingers sliding up my neck and lifting my chin. “At least what?”

Heat rushes into my face as I stare up at him. The lamplight flickers onto our bodies as we lean against a stone wall. And it makes him so much more handsome. Chiseled and perfect- like a god, I swear it. He could be a god and I wouldn't be surprised. And yet… Here he is… Staring at me like I’m the one that hung the sun in the sky.

“Why the hell did you choose me?” I blurt. My eyes widen as I realise what I’d said. Even my fingers touch my lips- as if they were shocked by my outburst.

Reiner’s eyebrows furrow over his golden eyes. “Are you kidding?”

Gnawing on the inside of my lower lip, I shake my head. “...you…,” I laugh, rolling my eyes at myself. “I used to always think you had a thing for Christa. Or Annie.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “...you’re serious?”

I scoff, punching his chest slightly. “We’re about to go back into Hell itself and you think I’m joking?”

Reiner shrugs. “Always did have a strange sense of humor.”

“Yeah and you still chose me so why?”

He sighs, looking up towards the ceiling. “I guess it was…,” Reiner trails off and sighs again. “It wasn’t just one thing.”

“I’d hope not.”

He rolls his eyes, hands sliding down my sides. “...I think it was how gentle you could be,” he mumbles, “And then how… fiery you could get a few moments later.”

“...you’re joking.”

Reiner scoffs and shakes his head. “Nope. You wanted seriousness so you’re gettin’ it.”

I groan, laughing as I let my head hit his chest. “I can’t believe you fell for my mood swings.”

“...and your hands… and your lips… and those eyes.”

Blush creeps back into my cheeks and I press my face further into his chest. “...you’re such a sap.”

“Oh, gods-,” Reiner groans and laughs. “And your ass. Gods, your ass.”

I pull away and slap his chest. Giggling slightly, I peek around the corner of the wall. Everyone’s still gathered in the street. Garrison soldiers weave around the perimeter of the group, barking orders at trembling Cadets.

“...your boobs aren’t bad, either.”

“‘Aren’t bad’?” I scoff, shaking my head as I feel his hand rest at the base of my back. “I have excellent boobs, thank you.”

Reiner’s lips press up against my temple. “Then you'll have to remind me after all this.”

“...if we make it,” I whisper.

“When we make it.”

--.--

“I’m spending humanity’s last days with my family!” Someone screams over the clammer of the soldiers. People push past me, hurrying away from the walls. A murmur of panic spread through the crowd as more and more start to pull away.

Deserters.

“...gods,” I mutter, eyes glued on a soldier as she screams and tears out of the crowd with her hands clutching her hair. “Can you believe these people, Sasha?” I scoff, turning to face her.

She’s sheet-white and staring at the floor. Beads of sweat snake out of her hairline and down her face. “Sasha?” I call softly. “You okay?”

She doesn’t even look at me. Her eyes are stuck on the floor, fists clenched at her sides. I place my hand on her shoulder gently. As I touch her, Sasha’s body reacts. Her eyes shoot up from the ground, darting from me to the others leaving. Mouth opening and closing, she turns to the others and looks back at me.

“...let’s go.”

“What?”

“...let’s go. Let’s go home. And see Ma and Pa and go walk in our woods,” she says, grabbing my shoulders. Her eyes are flicking between mine, wild and wide. “Please, _________. Let’s just go.”

I pull away slightly, only for her grip to get tighter. “Don’t you want to see them?” She asks, shaking me slightly. “Don’t you want Reiner to meet them?”

I can’t lie.

It’s tempting- to leave here and go see Mom and Dad. To have Reiner meet them. To be safe and to have a safe life.

But that’s not what I really want.

I want justice. I want eternal peace, not peace for just a few days.

And I gave my heart to this. To the Corps. To fight Titans. I won’t- I can’t- take that back. I want to fight. Gods, I need to fight.

“..._________,” Sasha says quietly. Her eyes are locked on mine.

They look just like Hanna’s.

...I promised her, too. I said I’d never leave her but I can’t… I can’t leave.

“I… I can’t,” I shake my head and pull out of her touch. “Stay with me.”

Sasha shakes her head, sweat and tears streaming down her face. “...I thought you promised.”

“I did!” I snap, “But this?! This is… I’m not abandoning my values-!”

“This is me!” She yells back, “I’m your sister!”

“I know that!” I stop and sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I just… This is what we signed up for. To fight for humanity.”

“To die for it,” she snarls, shaking her head.

“So I’ll die!” I scream, fists clenched as I stare up at her. My muscles twitch and squirm beneath the tightness of my skin. “I will die before rolling over and allowing Mom and Dad to see what it’s like- to have your house destroyed, to have your family torn away from you… To have the last few memories of what life was like when it was simple and young snatched away from you,”

I shake my head. “And I’m not letting Mom or Dad or anyone go through that. Because that… is what I signed up for. To protect them,” I point towards the town. “And to fight them.” I add, pointing towards the wall towering over us.

Sasha opens her mouth, only to be cut off by the voice from the wall.

“Anyone that leaves shall be pardoned!”

...what?

“Those who have lived and seen the horrors of Titans shall not be required to do so again! They must leave!”

The crowd starts to stir even more. More and more soldiers pull away from the group, running down the street away from the wall. Heart beating in my ears, I freeze. Sasha tugs on my sleeve and urges me to go with her. My eyes flick over the crowd.

Where is he? Where is Reiner?

“...As should those who want their parents, siblings, friends, and lovers to witness the same horror!”

I watch as Sasha’s eyes glaze over. It’s the same look the Scouts had when they came back that day, when I took Eren and Armin and Mikasa to go see them return. All wide and open like windows. So clear you can see their memories on their lenses.

“...Ma… Pa…” she whispers, her eyebrows coming together.

The General continues, all background noise as I stare at Sasha. “Love,” I whisper, placing a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes slide up to me, all watery and glazed. “I’ll fight beside you.” My fingers brush a strand of hair out of her face. “I’ll always fight with you.”

Slowly, Sasha’s mouth closes. I can see her swallow as she stands up straight. “...for Ma and Pa,” she whispers, grabbing my wrist.

“For Ma and Pa,” I smile, “and for our future.”

--.--

I press my blade to my lips, breathing in shakily. My back is pressed up against a wall, I stare at the sunlight pouring in from the windows on either side of me. I risk another inhale.

I don’t know where it is.

I don’t know where my squad is.

I don’t know where I can go.

My whole body trembles, shaking the ODM gear at my sides. Footsteps shake the walls and floor beneath me. A quiet scream leaves my lips as the footsteps get closer. My hand slaps over my mouth as I continue to whimper.

If I’m not already whimpering like a brat loud enough, my heartbeat is loud enough to give me away.

I’m going to die alone.

Without seeing the outside world.

A shadow looms, blocking the sunlight streaming in from the windows.

The Abnormal chased me and my squad down. Sasha and the others should be back at the wall. I was just behind them, making sure no one got left behind.

Dammit.

I hiss, looking down at my leg. The fabric of my pants is torn from the impact. The son of a bitch got my wires- dragging me down and slamming me onto the rooftop. I slid off the side and shot myself into the windows upstairs. The Abnormal barely missed grabbing me as I dragged myself downstairs.

I thought it left after that.

Gods, why didn’t it leave?

The shadow keeps moving, footsteps echoing down the street as it walks away.

A breath leaves my lungs.

With trembling fingers, I reach out and touch the largest wound in my thigh. A jagged piece of the tiles from the roof sinks into my skin- a deep red pouring down my leg onto the floor. My fingers tug on it slightly. It squelches, sending jolts of pain through my body.

My head slams up against the wall, my jaw clenching as a hiss of breath snakes through my teeth.

I can’t run with this.

I slam my head against the wall again.

Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!

I look back down at my leg.

Even if I could somehow fix the wound on my thigh, the area around my ankle is swelling and turning a faint shade of purple.

Goddammit.

Footsteps thud just outside of the building again. Sunlight disappears- drunk up like water and replaced with ink-like darkness. Dust trickles down from the ceiling above me and I can hear the Abnormal shifting through the debris upstairs.

Why does it want me so badly?

There are others outside- and the group on the wall. Why does it keep coming back to find me?

Something drags along the ceiling, more dust following its trail. The Abnormal’s footsteps trudge away once again.

...is it… looking for something?

I shake my head.

Who gives a shit? I just need to get out of here, not debate the intelligence of Titans.

I look around the room I’m in. It looks like an abandoned store- emptied of food and stands overturned. Wood and glass litter the floor around me. Shredded pieces of rope hang from the ceiling across the room.

...I have an idea.

I press up against the wall, pushing myself to my feet with my good leg. My right leg relaxes slightly, letting my foot touch the floor. A small pain shoots up from my ankle, circling the wound on my leg. My eyes flick up to the ropes swinging just across the room.

I have to do this if I want to see them again.

With each lopsided step, pain shoots through my body and my muscles scream at me to stop. My hands reach out and tug the rope down from the ceiling. It comes down and my body falls to the floor with it. Hissing in pain, I grab three pieces of wood and place one piece on either side of my ankle. Tucking the other under the arch of my foot, I tie the rope around my ankle and under my foot, bringing it back up to tie just under my knee.

It’s crude but it’ll do.

The wound in my thigh sends another jolt of searing pain through me. Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. “...think, _________,” I whisper, eyes flicking around the room.

They settle on a ripped banner hanging above the door. Faded, dusty letters spell out ‘F RM R’ MAR T’. It looks like it’s made out of something like a tarp. Not good for bandages.

But good enough for a tourniquet.

I get back to my feet, clutching the area surrounding my weeping gash. I stumble towards the banner and tug on the hanging section. It doesn’t budge. I try again, letting my body lean back as my hand grips it.

It rips and I’m sent backwards, landing on my back. “Gods,” I mutter, rolling onto my side. “When I get back… I’m gonna… take a nice... hot bath… with candles… and tea…,” I continue, wrapping the banner around my leg. “And then- when I’m all healed… I’m gonna… have some mindblowing se-”

Something crashes through the front door. Debris goes flying from the gaping hole, slicing my face as they speed by.

My eyes open. Body frozen, I stare at the giant hand just centimeters from my foot. It starts to move, snaking back out into the street. I scramble backwards and tie the banner around my thigh.

It’s time to go.

I get to my feet, inching around the corner back into the main part of the store. There has to be another exit.

Something passes by the windows.

My eyes catch it as I move further away from the hole in the entrance.

Through the dirt-stained glass, two eyes staring back at me.

My blood stills and everything goes by so fast.

Another hand punches through the walls in front of me. It reaches towards me and grabs my good ankle, pulling me back into the street. Kicking and screaming, I reach down and grab my blade, bringing it down on the fingers wrapped around my body.

The fingers fall away and I fall backward, hitting the cobblestone street with a huff. The Abnormal- its hand steaming from the bleeding stumps- turns to look at me.

My legs push me back, flailing and scraping against the stone as they try to get me the hell out of here. My back scraping against the stone, I scream and tighten my grip on my sword.

If I go down, I’m going down with a fight.

“Get away from me!” I scream as the Abnormal’s other hand grabs me by the torso and lifts me in the air.

Oh gods… this is it, isn’t it?

“Let go!” I yell again, thrashing as the grip around me tightens. “You let me go, now!”

Sasha. Eren. Mikasa, Armin. Reiner. Jean and Connie. Was that the last time I’ll ever see them?

I’m lifted even higher until I’m at eye-level with the Abnormal. My eyes lock with its own. A chill runs down my spine as I do. Such a deep shade of brown they look like black pools of water. And I’m so terrified I’ll drown in them.

“Put me down,” I say quietly.

It’s weird. All those days and nights in the woods with my dad and with Sasha. The animal we were hunting- the deer, the squirrel, whatever- it would always lock eyes with me. I never thought much of it but…

I understand now what it’s like.

To stare at the thing that’s going to kill you. To plead with your eyes.

And to be engulfed in darkness.

...right?

But we stand in the street, staring at each other. It’s frozen. I stare at it and it stares back.

...shouldn’t I be dead already?

Slowly, it lowers me. My feet touch the ground and the hand pulls away. It straightens back up and keeps its eyes on me.

They changed.

Its eyes.

They were… they were brown before, weren’t they?

They shine an almost neon red now- glowing and piercing in the sunlight.

What the hell is going on?

The eyes are glazed over, staring blankly at me. My fingers dance along my blades, ready to fight if this is some… trick? I don’t know- I’m just ready.

But it just sits there. Waiting. Watching.

“...get the hell out of here!” I yell, waving my blade above my head.

It turns around.

Did it just-

Listen?

It walks away from me, leaving me alone in the street.

I shake my head. No, no… It didn’t listen. It’s an Abnormal. Maybe it just…

I don’t need a reason. I’m free and I can get the hell out of here.

----------

You can read parts one, two, and three just by tapping the lovely numbers!

79 notes · View notes

httpbread · 4 years

Note

Hey there again!! I was wondering if I could request another dialogue prompt scenario with Hanako x Fem!Reader again with #33 "I only ever thought there were two kinds of love: The kind you would kill for, and the kind you would die for... but for you, my darling, you are the kind of love I would live for" and #34 "I want you. All of you, and not just half-heartedly, wholly. And maybe that's selfish, but I don't care." It can be past Hanako or present, your choice! Thank you again!! 👻👻👻

Pairing: Hanako x reader

Words: 7048 (mistakes have been made)

T/W: death mention, injury mention,a bit angsty but with a happy ending

On god I’ve written more than 10k for this bad boy with the amount that i have edited and cut and rewritten but i have finally finished it. sorry it took so long!!

“Kisses can’t fix everything you know."

This was exactly why she found herself sitting on the floor of the third-floor girl’s bathroom, the door locked and a first aid kit spread out before her.

"Amane-"

"Please."

The alcohol-soaked cotton ball falters in her fingers at the desperation in his soft voice.

"Can’t we just talk about something else?"

She peers up at him under her lashes briefly. Lucky or unlucky, the boy refused to return the gesture, staring stubbornly off, a crinkle in his brow and a weight in his lips.

(Y/n) looks back down at her work, but not without muttering, "Only when you stop bringing me all these cuts and bruises..."

She knows he’s going to huff and puff, so she interrupts before he can, hoping a change of topic might put him in a better mood, "Because of you, I talked to someone about medical school today."

Amane utters immediately, "Huh?"

"Tsuchigomori-san thinks I should look into becoming a doctor," she keeps her gaze fixed on the cut she was treating, delicately dabbing it clean with the cotton ball, "I’m inclined to believe him."

Her friend is quiet and so is she, working methodically as ever.

"You’re good at what you do..." he mumbles, scarcely loud enough for her to hear over the unending silence of the afternoon bathroom.

"I know," she responds, adding pointedly, "You give me plenty of practice."

Glancing up, she catches his sour look with her small, sly smile. Sour, sour, sour those eyes were. Like two little lemons glaring back at her. Not intimidating in the slightest.

"That’s low," he enlightens her, making her snort under her breath.

Was it really considered a low blow to point out the truth staring them both in the face?

She lets out a long breath, the air slipping slowly from her lips as she returns her focus to the task at her hands.

"It’s only because of you," she reaches over for the antibiotic ointment, muttering, "If it were anyone else, I never would’ve taken any interest in first aid."

Squeezing the small tube so it oozes the gel onto her finger, she then brings it to the back of his hand, ever so gently smearing it onto the cut, "I would’ve never even thought twice about what I was doing."

She never would’ve been so careful.

After all, she’d grown up always having to be cutthroat and serious to get things done. She never had time to just slow down and look at things. There were a million things she had to strikeout. She was meant to act better than a machine, quick, efficient, and perfect.

And yet...

Even if it didn’t come naturally to (Y/n), Amane showed her that there was a need in the world for that kind of softness she all too often crushed and buried away.

Unknowingly, he had taught her many things over the course of their sometimes rocky friendship, but most of all... He taught her that she couldn't get through all her life constantly acting sharp and rigid.

Her wandering thoughts fizzle with the feeling of his eyes trained on her.

"Because we’re friends...?"

For a moment, she forgets herself. She’d gotten lost in her thoughts.

The words left a bittersweet taste in her mouth regardless... Soft on him because they were friends... How peachy.

She avoids his gaze, retrieving a bandaid for the last of his injuries, "Because I care about you, Amane. I don’t want to hurt you, so it’s made me slow down and think more."

While her words were no lie, they were nowhere near the whole truth, either.

However...

A subtle curve tugs at her lips.

"And..."

She can’t help but tease him.

"I realized that every time I help some hurt stranger... that they’re just like you."

He scoffs lightly, those narrowed amber eyes snapping up to meet hers, "In what way? You’re saying every stranger and I are the same to you?"

She shakes her head with a small laugh at his flare of thinly veiled jealousy. Geez. Someone was feeling a little defensive today.

"No. They just remind me of you," she admits, gazing down at his hand for a moment, her own absently stilled, "and then I know that someone out there is probably worried sick about their idiot."

She knew she was always worried about him, at least.

"Oh..."

She brushes over this matter with a new one.

"I’ll be in school for a really long time," she comments, busying herself with unwrapping the bandaid crinkling noisily between her fingers.

"And...?" He trails off, waiting.

"No. That’s all," she carefully slides the bandage out and places it over the cut on his hand, ever so lightly smoothing it out, "I just wanted to hear your thoughts on it."

Despite whatever thoughts and situations faced them, they were childhood friends after all. It made sense that she would care about his opinion... but maybe not as much as she ultimately did.

"Well, I think..." he’s quiet for a moment, searching for words, "I think you’d make a great doctor."

This makes the smile on her lips grow as she looks up at him, watching him gaze down at their hands, a thoughtful look marking his handsome features.

"You’re already good at scolding."

This makes her pause.

‘Bastard.’ She wants to huff at him.

And yet, instead, she pulls his hand up, (e/c) eyes flicking up to meet his quickly narrowing golden ones. She pays no mind to the suspecting look on his face and places an ever so soft kiss the bandaid she had just applied.

(Y/n) watches in silent delight as that familiar rose color blossoms across his pale cheeks.

She slowly sets his hand back down, though not releasing it from hers, muttering finally, "I suppose so."

She then gives his hand a squeeze, smirking a little, "Maybe I’ll even learn how to get my scolding through especially thick skulls like yours."

She couldn’t just let him slander her like that and get off completely scot-free.

"Okay, now you’re just being mean," he decides, stealing his hand away from her to cross his arms over his chest. Which, he was right, but only a little.

She only continues to smirk at him, undeterred.

"Says you," she notes, amusement lingering in her lowered tone, "You want away from me so bad you’re skipping planets."

"The moon is not a planet," he utters, scandalized by her words, his eyes sparkling a little with the way they widen incredulously, only allowing more light in their golden-colored depths.

She waves her hand dismissively, biting back her teasing smile, "Ah, right, right. Dwarf planet, yeah?"

(Y/n) turns her head away, adding the sprinkles to the top of her deceit before he can hastily protest, "Well, I guess since you’re kicking me to the curb, maybe I should find some rich husband to keep me company during my studies. Someone new I can take care of."

"Absolutely not!" Amane declares.

He was right, of course, but she was more than happy to let him think so highly of her. Her sharp tongue would never allow such a thing.

"Why not? Can’t you see it now?" She tilts her head at him, bringing a pointer finger to each corner of her lips and drawing them up in an award-winning smile, "Me, a trophy wife, a trophy husband, both fabulously rich. Three dogs. Maybe a kid."

He wears a look on his face that’s quite the opposite of hers, "Of course I can."

The sudden admission makes her falter in surprise.

"I just don’t want to," his eyes avoided hers.

She slowly lowers her hands, before setting them back in her lap.

"Then you need to get your eyes checked," she retorts bluntly, "The day I find someone who can tolerate me is the day hell freezes over."

Her eyes calmly find the amber ones now trying to burn holes in her.

"You, on the other hand..."

She can’t help her adoring smile.

"You’re going places, Amane."

She laughs a little to hide the slight embarrassment gripping her, eyes drawing to the window, "I mean, more than just the moon. I could see you going anywhere you put your mind to..."

The sun looks like it’s beginning to set, casting brilliant shades of oranges and yellows through the window to make the bathroom.

Yet, the sunset puts no hurry in her unmoving feet. She was sure Amane would walk her home, dark or not. He may be stubborn, and they did argue a lot, but he was loyal.

"Not without you."

She blinks.

"I’m not going anywhere without you, (Y/n)."

She turns to look at him, feeling almost incredulous.

"That’s a funny thing to say," she utters, cupping her cheek, trying to play it off to soothe her beating heart, "I know we’ve been friends for a long time, Amane, but..."

Her face softens with a teasing little smile at him, "Aren’t you tired of me yet?"

However, he doesn’t smile back, almost glaring at her like she’s said something stupid- sort of like when she muddled facts about the moon, except missing that shock factor, now replaced with something more firm.

"No."

He looks down at his hands as she blinks twice.

"I want you."

Her lungs abruptly come to a silent halt.

"All of you, (Y/n)."

Especially when he’s suddenly moving closer, taking her face in his kind hands, "Not just half-heartedly, but wholly."

For once, no protests come tumbling past her lips. She couldn’t even think of any. She almost wasn’t sure she had any.

He swallows, giving away his nerves, but doing nothing to stop those big beautiful eyes from burning bright.

"And maybe- maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care."

She forces her lungs to work again, almost robotically evicting the breath from her chest.

But she can’t look away from him.

Or keep the big smile from curving at her lips as she leans forward, ignoring her nervous heart as she places her hands on either side of his face.

"(Y/n)...?" He whispers, voice quiet but his pitch is higher than usual, giving away his fear if she didn’t see the obvious terror glittering in his eyes.

"Oh, Amane..." she closes her eyes, leaning her forehead against his, "You’re an idiot."

The slight hitch of his breath makes her audibly clue him in.

"I’m already yours," she won’t bite her tongue now. He opened up to her, and she’d be damned if she didn’t meet him halfway- if not further. "I’ve been yours for a long time now."

She pulls away- but only a little. Just so she can look at him again.

He still hasn’t seemed to have closed those eyes of his, trained on her unwaveringly, surprise dancing in their shimmering depths.

They meet hers, and her heart feels full.

"I’m not sure if I should be hurt that you just called me an idiot when I’m vulnerable..." he elucidates, making her grin further, "Or just be happy that you feel the same."

"Well, I’d say..." she slides her arms past his neck, coiling around him and drawing him in close like the snake she is, "Take what you can get."

He responds by pulling her just as near with a light tug on her uniform, tilting his head a little to seal their words with a warm kiss- and (Y/n) couldn't be happier to follow.

Neither of them could have ever guessed what had lied in store for them, however.

They were both so bright and ready to take on the world by each other’s side, with hands held and fingers intertwined.

Neither of them ever thought that the future would be three graves sitting in a neat little row next to each other, not even two weeks later.

Everything had slipped between their fingers in an instant. They were a snap- two fingers slipping past each other, perfect at first until the friction caught up to them. With just a single little bang, they were far apart once again, as though they had never met in the first place.

No fairytale wedding on the moon. No handing out lollipops to patients. No graduating. No nothing.

Every inkling of a dream they had built came crashing down abruptly, leaving nothing but carnage and broken hearts.

—-

(Y/n) tugged at the bandage.

"Oi!"

"Oi!" She mocks in a higher pitch.

The blond mean mugs her.

She spits his look right back at him.

"Baby," she comments tartly, looking back down at her work, "If you want to start making complaints, stop getting hurt, why don’t you?"

Just about every day this kid kept coming back to her!

Sure, she knew he was an exorcist and all that and a cherry on top, but she also knew one boy wasn’t getting into all of this trouble by himself.

Almost made her want to march right up to that bathroom and give that mystery a piece of her mind.

Mystery number seven...

That damned boy.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!"

"My bad," she quickly removes her hands.

Yeah. Okay. That time was actually her bad. That bandage was looking a teensy bit tight.

"Distracted, doc?"

Doc.

"No."

She looks down at his wrist, gently loosening the bandage on it.

(Y/n) (L/n) was not a doctor, nor would she ever become one.

However, the school had a funny way of taunting her, withholding her as the rumored mystery number eight- the medical mystery, it so happened.

Mostly, her job consisted of patrolling around and taking care of the living idiots. Fixing them up, popping a sucker in their mouth to shut them up, before she was on her way again.

The rest of her official job as a mystery consisted of gathering... specific- er, well, exotic goods, like mermaid scales for example, and things of that nature.

It wasn’t much, but it tended to keep her busy.

Well, that was a lie. Her job was all she had. Not to mention it wasn’t an easy one either. Sticking with the previous example, Mermaids weren’t exactly jumping all over the idea of showering her with their lovely little scales. Despite being a healer, her line of work got her into more fights than not.

"So... do I still get a sucker...?"

She blinks, looking up at the blond, realizing she was zoning out again.

"Hah?"

He smiles at her, nonetheless, a smile much like the sun, in the way that it makes her squint and look away.

"Yeah, whatever," she huffs, reaching into her apron.

She retrieves a handful.

"What flavor?" She shoves it at him, not at all intending to help him choose or find said flavor.

Okay, so maybe the candy wasn’t a required part of her job, but hey, a little bribery never hurt.

She’d much rather be rumored as the helpful little medic with the candy than the crazed doctor butcherer or something.

"Wh- Oi! Only one!" She slaps his hand away, glaring venomously as he laughs.

"Please, (L/n)-san!" He beams at her, bright as ever, not exactly begging, "The mokke are hungry too."

She looks down, not at all surprised at the gathering of pink bunny-like creatures at her feet.

"Right, right. Sorry."

She then promptly offers them the biggest smile she can muster, hoping to display just how sorrowful she was for them.

"Maybe I should start practicing my veterinary skills too!"

And just like that, they’re running for the hills, no more pink creatures crowding her, not even within her sights. It’s almost impressive.

She drops the smile along with the rest of the lollipops back into her frilly ivory apron in exchange for her usual deadpan expression, "Thought so."

But she notices there’s one particular annoyance left standing.

"What do you want, boy?" She drops a hand on her hip and her head to the side, (e/c) eyes narrowing "Got some internal bleeding or something I’m not seeing?"

He gives his head a shake, sending his spiky blonde locks bouncing.

"No. I was just thinking."

She comments immediately, "Well, I’m not into studying therapy either. Move along."

However, he only chuckles at this, amused as though she didn’t completely mean it.

"Aren��t doctors supposed to be nice?"

She looks up at the boy, and contrary to him, she is further unamused.

He only continues to smile at her, undeterred as ever, blue eyes bright with life.

"Maybe," she offers him a shrug, "I’m not a doctor."

(Y/n) decides she likes the way his whole face scrunches up when she pokes his nose, like she pressed some kind of button, "The only thing I am, is dead."

"Well, I think you’re very kind," he says, arguing his own point.

She flashes him a funny look. He was the one who implied she wasn’t nice. She just confirmed that theory. She agreed with him! So, why the hell did he feel the need to continue arguing with her? ... himself? She wasn’t even sure. What a weirdo this one was.

"You just show you’re kind in the way that you’re really mean and you nag a lot."

For a moment, the words make her falter.

For a moment, all she can see is loving amber eyes framed by long dark lashes and darker choppy locks.

For a moment.... they sound so much like something he would say to her...

"It just means you care! And you have a big repressed heart under all those sour looks!"

There’s a finger in her face, snapping her from those melancholy memories. She promptly brushes it away to reveal the scowl marking her lips.

"Yeah? Then explain why I don’t care, then."

But he’s on his feet now, waving away this idea as he grabs his bag, "You do. That’s why you help me all the time!"

No.

That was mostly so Teru didn’t exorcise that idiot no. 7. If he saw all the cuts and bruises Kou got from working under him...

Well, not that she cared about that idiot either.

As far as she was concerned, all these boys were idiots- and she was just going to calmly stay in her lane, away from them all!

That number seven boy was nothing to her except a poor excuse for a boss and distant memories.

The other blond was just a slightly taller menace.

And this smiling idiot was nothing but that. An idiot.

...

......

And… maybe just a little bit of a friend as well...

She waves to him.

"Don’t come back," she says to him.

Yet, he responds cheerfully, waving excitedly, "I’ll see you tomorrow, (L/n)-san!"

Tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes.

Week in. Week out.

It was all the same to her.

She did her job. She helped students. She got what she needed. She finished her work.

She kept herself busy and never glanced his way.

That was how it was.

That’s how it was supposed to be.

That’s how it always was.

"Long time no see, (N/n)-chan!"

But that familiar voice shattered any vague sense of order she had gathered over the fifty years since she had last heard it.

There’s a black patch on his cheek now, but changing the cover of a book didn’t change its wicked contents.

Nor did it remove the pages stained with her blood.

"You look well," he tells her, voice high with a giggle, "How old are you now? Sixty? Seventy?"

(Y/n) flinches as his lithe fingers brush her cheeks with unseen stains coating them, but she can’t move away. Her feet have sunken into the concrete below, holding her in place as her chest seizes, ever nerve lighting on fire with the need to disappear.

"You really don’t look it!" He tells her, and she can only watch as his lips pull up to reveal his sharp fangs, "Nope, nope! You don’t look a day past your last living one."

Her lips part almost desperately, but there’s a weight on her tongue and a knot in her throat that squanders any attempt for the words she already lacks.

"Or- well, your second to last day."

His fingers brush past her face to trace through her (h/l) (h/c) locks, a thoughtful hum trickling into her ears "You weren’t much to look at in your last moments, were you?"

As he pulls back his hand, her knees wobble, threatening to slip out from under her.

"Or should I say there wasn’t much left of you to look at?"

"T-Tsukasa-" It’s only one word but it leaves her nearly gasping, the weight on her chest more than paralyzing.

"Hmm~?"

She meets his eyes and finds her scarcely gathered will crumbling instantly.

Those big honey-hued eyes that could so quickly go from looking like someone she loved so dearly to narrowing, squinting as though he needed glasses, reminding her they belonged to something, someone different that was much more sinister.

"(N/n)-chan..." He says suddenly.

His voice is no longer light and airy.

It’s cold, detached, and the exact sound of all her hopes of coming out of this unscathed shattering at once.

"You know why I’m here, don’t you?"

"(L/n)-san!"

Kou wears a big smile as he marches into the elusive number eight’s boundary.

He was going to show her today!

Because today, Kou did not have a single bruise on him!

The second he finished up with Hanako and found his feet pulling him instinctively back to the apparition’s boundary, the realization hit him like a train.

Knowing he was perfectly fine, for once, he found himself practically racing to get to her boundary, ready to rub it in her pretty face that he could take care of himself! She’d know now that he was cool and didn’t always need her to baby him.

"(L/n)-san, you’ll never guess!" He throws back another patient’s curtain.

Only to once again reveal nothing but an empty hospital bed.

However, with half of the nurse’s office still unexplored, there was still plenty of possibility for the apparition to appear.

That’s what he told himself.

But deep down, a strange feeling was cuddling in his stomach.

(L/n) was always in her boundary right now.

She’d never admit it, but he knew it was so she could be here to patch him up after his duties with Hanako.

And sure, they didn’t always stay in the office when she fixed him back up, but they always met here.

So, throwing back the last curtain...

"(L/n)-san?"

His brows are knitted together as he asks the air around him.

Where the hell was she?

"I’m telling you! She’s missing! Vanished! Disappeared! Gone!"

Hanako draws a card from the deck sitting between him and the mokke in the third-floor bathroom’s window sill.

He places it down with the collection of cards littered in the space before him.

"Your move," he comments quietly.

"Hanako!"

He swallows.

Hanako should have known better.

He should have kept the boy away from her just as he kept himself away from her.

When Kou had first come to him about the pretty spirit he had stumbled upon- he had almost hit the nail right on the head, killing what could come from such an introduction instantly.

But he didn’t.

Because deep down, Hanako couldn’t keep away from her.

He needed some kind of tie- some measly form of connection to her- he longed for it, ached for it, craved it...

Until it came to him in the form of Kou, and his friendship with the medical mystery.

Kou was an open book. Especially when it came to (Y/n). One little question and he was rambling about the spirit. How she seemed, what she had scolded him about that day, how mean she was, how kind she was, how beautiful she was.

Jealousy would stick to his lungs like tar, making him feel sicker with longing than any cigarette would. The boy would talk about her like she put the stars in the sky- and would wonder to him just how she did it, a question he had been asking himself for over fifty years.

But on the other hand, hearing about her was refreshing. It was like a drop of water a second away from dying in a desert. He couldn't ever get enough of her. She was an addiction he could never quite get his fix of but sure as hell couldn’t get rid of either.

"Are you even listening to me?"

He was.

"I told you! She’s gone, Hanako!"

She was. She had been gone for fifty damned years.

Fifty years and he still didn’t have a single solid idea of what to do about it now.

"What if she’s in danger, or she needs help, or-"

"She’s dead."

The words leave a bitter aftertaste on his tongue. He’s not talking to the boy.

But he responds, none the wiser.

"And?"

His eyes flicker over to the blond.

Kou stands tall as ever, his fists curled tightly at his sides, a burning emotion in his icy eyes that he didn’t even want to unpack.

"Dead or not, she could still need help."

He couldn’t even help her the first time she needed it.

What was he supposed to do now?

"Please, Hanako," Kou pleads, voice low with despair, "If something happened to her I would never forgive myself."

Hanako sighs at this.

Something had already happened to her once and Hanako still hadn’t forgiven himself.

He pushes to his feet.

"Only a quick look."

(Y/n) choked on her own breath, shoes slamming hard against the linoleum floor she’d known her whole life. The hall she’d walk to her classes in, linger in with old friends before everything hit the fan. The halls that once only held the danger of being late due to bustling crowds.

Burning liquid seeped between her trembling fingers as she pressed them firmer over her wound, a sharp gasp pushing past her already parted lips.

She just had to make it to the nurse’s office, her boundary.

Tsukasa couldn’t kill her there. Not as easily anyways.

The staircase was within sight.

She struggled to wedge a glance over her shoulder, fingers slipping from her wound slightly, making her grip her shoulder tighter.

Tsukasa only gazed after her blankly, dull eyes looking black, narrowed as he advanced, efficient and deadly in the way that he moved along after her.

A cry caught in her throat as she whipped her head back around.

The staircase! That was-

Oh god.

A dirty shoelace caught under a frantic foot.

The staircase greeted her greedily, peppering her face with kisses as it yanked her into its arms despite her protesting choked scream, wet hand slipping right off her injury as she desperately searched for something to hold, something to grab, something to save her as she came tumbling down.

But nothing could save her.

Nothing could ever save (Y/n).

She slammed roughly against where the stairs met the wall and turned, thrusting her hands out instinctively to claw at the wall in hopes of stopping only to accidentally shove herself down the rest of the depths.

Her butt met the stairs first this time when she hit, and she could only watch in blurry horror when suddenly her feet were soaring over her head- the next moment managing to slam her face against the floor again.

Fate was cruel.

Her head was spinning as she fought the earthquakes consuming her, forcing herself up on her hands and knees to stare down at a bloody floor. She needed to get a grip and she needed to get one fast.

Yet- her movements were painfully slow as she sat up and back on her knees, blinking the clouds from her eyes as she tried to look up, past the ringing in her ears.

Tsukasa descended the stairs in a much calmer fashion, grinning as he hopped down the last two- or four if her vision was anything to go by.

However, in truth, there was nothing to be done.

Her pounding head had been clogged with honey. Her limbs felt tingly from blood loss and the revenants of adrenaline. She was struggling just to blink in place.

Tsukasa smiled at her almost sweetly.

"Are you done?"

But they both knew the answer to that.

This story unraveling between them has already been written before.

She lifted her hands up to the crouched boy.

His smile curled into a grin as he grew ever closer to devour her as a whole.

But (Y/n)’s hands stopped at his chest and so did he.

She pressed. Pushing him.

Away. Away. Away.

It’s all her foggy brain could come up with in that moment.

His chest vibrates under her blood stained fingertips with a warm laugh.

It’s burning.

Scalding. Scalding. Scalding.

"Oh, (N/n)-chan... is that it?"

A labored breath falls past her lips.

"Is that all you’ve got?"

She squints up at him under the harsh lights above, fighting to give him the nasty look she so longed to give him- along with a piece of her mind.

She forces her lips apart, taking in a shaky breath.

"(L/n)-san!"

Tsukasa hums, mirroring her surprise at the sudden interruption.

"Now you’ve done it," he tells her with a bored sigh, "You’ve gotten us both caught."

If he didn’t want to get caught, then maybe he shouldn’t always be trying to kill her.

That’s what she wants to snap at him.

But her face twists, body erupting into flame thinly veiled by the adrenaline rushing back into her veins as the cruel boy drags her up onto her unable feet.

"What did you do to her?!"

Adrenaline or not- she feels like screaming out as he pulls her bad arm around his shoulders, draping her like some kind of shawl, his other arm coiled around her waist with a vice-like grip.

"Oh, nothing much really!" His singsong voice makes her head ache, "Nothing compared to what I want to."

"Can’t you at least lie?" She hisses through her clenched teeth, wincing too hard to even look at him as she desperately tries to will the pain away.

"Lying is bad, (N/n)-chan!" He huffs and she doesn’t even need to lift her head to see his sour pout.

"So is being mean to girls."

Tsukasa and herself have very different reactions to this voice.

"AMANE!"

She blinks her eyes harshly, not able to catch herself from looking up for him.

The blur dissolves from her gaze, leaving her with the sight of an all too familiar boy.

Amane stands in the wake, cape flowing out behind him. Those short choppy black locks tucked under his cap, amber eyes almost glowing as they peer under the brim. They’re almost narrowed as sharp as the kitchen knife clutched in his hand, knuckles tinted white with effort.

She realizes then that she hasn’t caught such a glimpse of him in a while now.

Of course, the way their shattered connection- or lack of to be more precise- that wasn’t an odd occurrence at all. It was expected.

But she remained like a broken record player, the stylus still catching at the old cracks in her heart.

Even more knowing that this situation was almost all too familiar.

"Aren’t you the one who was always saying (N/n)-chan was special?" She flinches in surprise, snapped right out of her thoughts as a hand grips her face, fingers digging into the soft squish of her cheeks, turning her head. She blinks rapidly, meeting those inquisitive golden eyes. "So- she’s not just any girl."

A scowl makes its way to her lips as she tries to tug her face away from his unbudging hand.

"Let her go, Tsukasa. This isn’t about her and you know it."

Tsukasa looks away from her at this, releasing her head, "Oh, Amane. That’s rich."

His arm around her waist squeezes warningly, "(N/n)-chan and I are friends too, y’know! You should learn to share!"

What a damned hypocrite.

"Friends don’t hurt each other!"

She almost wishes her fun road trip down the stairs had fully knocked her out.

Swaying useless on her feet, pounding head victim to the yelling around her- it was almost more hellish than the stab wound in her shoulder and that was saying something.

"Don’t you listen, boy?" Tsukasa sighs as she lifts her hand, trying to be subtle.

Her shitty plan was to try and push him away again.

But he only snatched it up, before it could even reach him halfway, giving it a squeeze.

"(N/n)-chan and I share a special bond!"

Yeah, it’s called ‘death’- which is what all murderers and their victims shared.

She tries to wiggle her fingers free from him but he turns to her with an unsettling grin, "Isn’t that right?"

She does reply.

"Get off me."

It’s just not the one he’s looking for.

Tsukasa sighs, shaking his head with a pout.

She didn’t actually expect her request to work though.

But her head slamming back against the ground again is a sure-fire sign that he had let her go.

"Whoopsie daisy," he chirps as her vision swims.

She can vaguely make out his figure, towering over her.

But those eyes glaring down at her are unmistakable.

For a moment, staring up at him like this, panic stirs in her heart.

The sight was a carbon copy of the one as she was met with as she took her last breath fifty years ago.

The only difference this time was that she was already dead before her heavy lids sank shut.

It’s almost homely what greets her as she creeps away from oblivion.

Though, not what most would consider homely.

After all, the stinging smell of antiseptic and the blinding lights unavoidable even behind closed eyes were as impersonal as impersonal things could get.

But they were something (Y/n) knew well.

So, she wasn’t at all surprised when she finally willed herself to crack open her eyelids only to find a shitty poster staring back at her.

It was the kitten one.

‘Don’t forget to wash your paws!’.

(Y/n) is glaring at it miserably when she hears it.

"You’re awake."

"No shit," she croaks, but people always said she was ambitious- which is why she closes her eyes in hopes of falling back unconscious.

Anything to escape the shitshow she had escaped the first time by doing so.

Speaking of which...

"What happened?"

She almost doesn’t want to know.

He answers.

"That should be the least of your worries right now."

It’s not the answer she wants.

Her eye twitches, but she fights to keep them closed, still hanging onto the idea of sleep.

"You do realize when you tell someone not to worry they do exactly that?"

"I didn’t tell you not to worry. I just said that shouldn’t be your biggest worry."

She doesn’t respond.

He jabs.

"I don’t think you’ve ever stopped worrying for a second of your life."

She opens her eyes at this.

But not very much due to her glare which she turns her head to the side to give him.

Amane sits at her bedside, a chair dragged up next to her. He’s got his arms crossed resting on the mattress, his head nestled atop them.

Those eyes catch her own.

She looks away, a tired sigh slipping from her lips.

She looks for something to fill the silence.

Anything, really.

She just doesn’t want to be left alone with him. Left alone with her thoughts.

Left alone with thoughts of him.

"Who did this chop job?"

She finds conversation in the bandages wrapped around her arm/shoulder where Tsukasa had stabbed her. She sure they had never even so much as watched one of those stupid hot doctor shows before playing doctor on her.

"Me."

She looks up at him again, surprise pricking her.

She blinks at him as he holds her gaze again.

"You used to patch me up all the time... I must have picked up a thing or two."

"No, you didn’t," she squints at him, a scowl pulling at her lips, "This is the worst dressing I’ve ever seen- and I’m self-taught."

Her words linger in the air but are smothered by the silence after them.

They only gaze at each other for the longest time.

Before she watches the corners of Amane’s lips uncontrollably tug upward.

He quickly looks away.

"Really? I saved you and that’s the first thing you tell me?"

"Do better then," she turns away too, sticking her nose up as she utters, "Maybe open your ears and listen for once and I wouldn’t always have to scold you."

But she’s stunned, staring off as his soft chuckle sneaks into her ears.

When was the last time she had heard him laugh...?

She’s still as her hand is lifted.

Squeezed lightly.

"How do you feel? Can I get you anything?"

She can’t help but turn back to him.

She must look as sad as she feels because his face falls.

(Y/n) swallows, speaking up before he can.

"No. I’m fine."

But he still holds her hand in his.

Watching her.

Waiting.

But for what?

She was waiting too. Gazing right back. But she didn’t know either.

"I’m sorry."

She did know this wasn’t what she wanted, however.

He wears a deep frown, a vulnerable sparkle in his honey shaded depths as he looks down, holding her hand tighter.

"I knew he was back," he’s almost mumbling. If they were even an inch further apart she was sure she wouldn’t be able to hear him. "I just... I didn’t think he would find you so soon."

Her heart weighs.

She sighs, squeezing his hand.

"Amane, I’ve told you already."

She gazes down at their hands, telling him again.

"It’s not your fault. It’s not your job to protect me."

He never stays quiet after these words.

"It is. You should never have gotten hurt in the first place. I should’ve-"

She interrupts tiredly, "-Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. It’s been fifty years."

"You might be able to change the future- but the past is the past," (Y/n) reaches out with her other hand, gently hooking her fingers under his chin to get him to look up at her, "Amane."

He reluctantly shifts his eyes up to find her (e/c) ones gazing deeply.

"There’s nothing to be done. Let it go."

She watches his brows pull together.

"I don’t want to let it go," he says firmly, lacing his fingers with hers, "I don’t want to let you go."

She lets out a quiet breath, "I’m already gone."

He winces.

She’s unhesitating as she tells him, "But you weren’t supposed to be. You were supposed to live."

This was the part where he snapped at her. This was the part where they usually began to fight.

This was the part where they fought, got mad at each other, and then proceeded to avoid each other for the next ten years.

"Back then..."

His voice is low, tentative.

"I only ever thought there were two kinds of love."

She looks down, watching as his thumb runs along hers, listening to his careful words.

"The kind you would kill for," she immediately jerks her eyes back up to meet his, but he avoids her eyes, still looking down, "and the kind you would die for."

Well...

She guesses that was understandable to think given the rocky road of what their relationship had been.

"But I realize now... for you..."

He finally looks up at her, eyes gentle as they greet hers.

"You are the kind of love I would live for."

His words stun her.

So much that she’s genuinely speechless for the first time in a long, long while.

Amane seems to grow a little nervous with her silence, now looking down again, toying with her hand limp in his.

"Well..." she finally finds her voice.

And a scolding as she reaches forward to knock her fist atop his hat.

"It’s a little too late for that!" She tells him sternly, almost exasperatedly, "Fifty years? Couldn’t you have thought of that before you died?"

"Wh- Hey! Don’t be mean!" He glowers, trying to brush her whacking hands away.

But she leans forward just as quickly, yanking him ruthlessly into a hug.

"You idiot!" She huffs at him, despite the way she squeezes him tight.

It’s like a breath of fresh air- acting on age-old cravings like this.

Sometimes when you wanted something and found yourself longing for it- it sounded way better than what it actually was.

But this was exactly as she remembered it.

A big smile breaks out onto her lips, which she’s able to bury in the crook of his neck again, just like she once had. She melts like putty as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close.

"I know," he grumbles sourly, admitting defeat, "I’m sorry."

"You better be," she says, uncaring that her words are muffled.

"If I say I’m stupid will you forgive me...?"

She pulls away from him after carefully masking her smile.

He blinks at her stony expression, worries instantly finding him.

She can’t help but give into temptation.

"You know, I’m pretty sure I read in one of my biology textbooks that kisses make everything better."

His anxieties melt right off his face- leaving him almost offended for a moment that she was teasing him now of all times.

But he smiles, running his hand up along her back to cradle the back of her neck.

"Oh?" He pulls her in close, and she can feel his breath tickle her upturning lips, "Well- I may suck at bandages, but I’m actually pretty great at kissing."

"Yeah?" Her eyes flicker up to meet his under her lashes.

He responds by closing the minuscule gap between them, his movements almost too sweet as she melts into them.

He was right. He was pretty great at kissing.

#jshk #jshk x reader #tbhk #tbhk x reader #toilet bound hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun x reader #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun x reader #hanako x reader #amane yugi x reader #breadkinswrites

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marvelsswansong · 4 years

Note

omg hi! I’m sorry if I’m doing this wrong.. but 40 with Bucky and the bodyguard au 👀 welcome back by the way! - @marvelousmrstark

word count: 1.6K

tags: so much fluff, bodyguard!AU, Bucky is cute while trying to be professional, lowkey presidential AU, stark!reader incidentally lol

a/n: a repost, b/c the original post’s tags were not working. inbox is open btw

--------------------------------

“Do you want me to call Wanda and have her cancel your plans for tomorrow morning?” Bucky asks quietly, his low voice cutting through the silence. You rub your eyes and shake your head sideways.

“No, I’ve been looking forward to that brunch forever.”

“But you’re exhausted and because of the press conference tonight you’re not going to be able to sleep till late-” he starts, but you purse your lips and pout.

“I’m not sleepy.”

“You’re literally falling asleep on my lap.” he retorts, and you force yourself upwards momentarily.

“There. Not sleepy anymore.”

Bucky chuckles at your behavior and you can’t help but smile too, before an idea crosses your mind.

“Bucky, can we stop by a 711 and get a slushie?”

Thing is, Bucky knows he should say no. It’s already five past six and he’s been given strict orders to have you back at the white house in time for a press briefing with the whole family present and a crowd of media reporters by seven. And according to the rule book- the one he’s had to drill into his brain during training and vetting- you’re not allowed to be seen in public on days where there’s an important press conference.

“Sorry Ms.Stark, I don’t think we can. Rule 54 states that no immediate family member of the president’s family may be seen in public on days-”

You roll your eyes, now sitting straight up and looking out the window. The way you lean against the leather seats makes one of your tank top straps to fall to the side, revealing your collarbone. His eyes can’t help but gravitate towards that exposed area of your skin, only for the slam of the car door to break him out of his trance.

“Then how come I was allowed to go to the gym today?” you challenge, crossing your arms. He sighs.

“Because that gym we were just at is a private gym which only government officials have access to. It does not fall under the category of places which rule 54 forbids.” His reply is automated and rolls off his tongue, his professional tone masking the fact that his cheeks were feeling a tad hot from watching you squirm in your seat. You were still in gym attire, the leggings hugging your waist tightly and the tank top exposing more skin than he was used to seeing from your public appearances with your family.

He chuckles out loud when you groan like a child and cross your arms- he’s always marveled at how despite being in the public eye for the two year of rigorous campaigning and another two from being the president’s daughter, you still maintained your playfulness and child-like sense of charm from your childhood.

“Then can I at least skip today’s conference?” you ask, opening one eye sneakily. Bucky shakes his head sideways.

“Rule 34 states those mandated to attend a formal public event by the president must attend unless an emergency under section 1a or 1b is to occur.”

The car takes a sharp left turn and you huff, an annoyed but amused expression on your face.

“You really are amazing for remembering all the rules on that stupid rule book, Buck.” You pause and look at him. “Buck. Can I call you that, Buck?”

“Technically you’re supposed to refer to me as ‘agent’ or something of a similar nature-”

The smile on your face drops and his mouth is speaking before his brain can catch up with it.

“B-but, I mean, you’ve already called me Bucky in public so I supposed Buck wouldn’t be too…. bad.” He knows that’s technically a lie, his superiors would give him an earful for breaking several rules regarding formality and respect when addressing the president’s family and vice versa, but it’s all worth it when you give him that soft smile and his insides light up like a fire. You have such an effect on him and it’s like you never know, too busy trying to coax Bucky into breaking another rule.

“There’s the 711, see Buck, SEE!”

You grab his hand and tug on his sleeve, pointing to the establishment a few blocks away. He’s about to shut you down again but the car rolls to a stop, it’s a red light and you take your chance to convince him.

“C’mon Buck, I’ll wear my hoodie and sunglasses and trucker hat so no one can even recognize me. Besides, it’s only 6:20 right now, we don’t have to be back home for another hour and ten minutes.”

The driver looks at Bucky from the rearview mirror, questioning him on what to do. Bucky bites his lip, an inner war raging in his mind. On one hand, he has to follow protocol and the multitudes of rules stuck in his head and get you back to the white house as early as possible. But on the other hand, your warm hand is running down his arm and your voice is soft as you’re pleading and-

“Fine.” he exhales, motioning the driver to drive to the 711. “But, on one condition. The car parks a few blocks away as to not attract attention. You wear your hat and sunglasses the whole time. You don’t speak, a-and… you grab my hand the whole time.”

You’re eagerly nodding along to everything he’s saying until the last part, which makes you stop and grin proudly.

“You really want to grab my hand that badly?” you tease, and he can feel himself freeze up.

“N-no. It’s just, we would look far less suspicious if we were presenting ourselves as a couple.”

You throw the sunglasses and hat, as the car slows down. You smirk at him as he opens the door for you and you hop off the car with ease. Your hand slides into his, and it feels so natural, neither of you flinch or freeze up.

“You know, if you wanted to take me out on a date, you could’ve just asked.” you tease quietly as you two approach the 711. It’s Bucky’s turn to roll his eyes.

“You’re literally the president’s daughter. I’m pretty sure that’d be breaking at least half of the rules in the rule book.” he retorts back, shushing you as the doors slide open. You drag him to the slushie aisle and point at the blueberry one, and you also somehow coax him into buying you a hotdog- even though you’re supposed to have a formal dinner just before the press conference. Bucky pays for all the food and carries it in his arms as you leave the store hand in hand, all in a record breaking time period of five minutes.

“I don’t know how you talked me into buying you that hot dog.” Bucky says shamefully, shaking his head. You giggle, squeezing his hand and taking a sip from your slushie.

“I guess I’m your weak spot.” you say absent-mindedly, looking off into the distance. You don’t notice his soft gaze as he whispers back a quiet “I guess so.” He thinks you haven’t heard his response, too busy watching the cars drive by the highway in the night, but you definitely heard that.

“Are you cold?” he asks, noticing that you’re shivering. The tank top is not doing much to shield you from the winter breeze, so you nod. He’s quick to take off his suit jacket and slip it onto your shoulders, his cologne enveloping your senses.

“Thanks.”

He tries not to think about how cute you look in his clothes and looks away, nodding.

“You’re welcome.”

You’ve always thought Bucky was attractive, obviously. But his professional mannerisms and steel trap knowledge of the dreaded rule book made it pretty clear to you early on that nothing was ever going to happen. Or… that’s what you thought, until now. Looking up at him now, the red traffic light illuminating his face as the two of you stand by a sidewalk, you realize he’s actually let his professionalism slide over time. Letting you call him Buck, even in public. Bending the rules to let you have food. Sneaking you snacks in between meetings. Giving you his clothes when you were cold…

“Buck-” you call out to him, stopping him from crossing the road. The car is a few blocks away, but far away enough for the driver to not be able to see what you’re doing.

“Yes?”

“You like me, right?”

He chuckles.

“Of course I like you. Why else would I be working for you?”

You roll your eyes.

“Technically, you work for the president, aka my dad. You know what I meant, Buck.” you say, inching closer to him. He drops your hand and scratches his neck, not meeting your gaze.

“You know I can’t say that.” he whispers. “Because-”

“Because of the rules?” you interrupt him, frustrated. “Fuck the rules, Buck. Forgot about the fact that I happen to be Tony Stark’s daughter for one second and just tell me, from one person to another… I like you, Bucky. I really, really do. Do you like me back?”

“I… I do.” he says. The two of you are only inches apart now, and you grin.

“Then you should kiss me right now.”

It’s his turn to grin.

“That’d be breaking rule 2: no fraternizing with any member of the president’s family.”

You pull away to argue with him again but he doesn’t allow you to when he smirks and pulls you back towards him.

“But… I’ve been breaking a lot of rules today, huh?”

There’s no space for a sassy retort when his lips are on yours and he cups your face in his hands, dropping the groceries onto the floor. It’s sweet but a bit rushed, and he can taste the cold blueberry flavor of your drink on your lips.

Perhaps it was worth it to break a few rules.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #sebastain stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #marvel reader insert #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine #im so glad the tags are fixed now but now i cannot link anything rip

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alexboehm55144 · 3 years

Text

Alex Final Wars 2: Dark Alex, Chapter 34 - Black Ship

Living quarters on the Typhoon were of good quality, and there were cabins for mammals of all sizes. Each cabin had a bathroom and a comfy bed that was built into one of the walls. They also had a closet and plenty of room for furniture if the occupant wanted it. The walls were metal, and the entire cabin had a modern look. There was also a window to the outside world for the enjoyment of the occupant. During battle, armored panels would slide over the window.

Captain Boehm awoke in his quarters on the Typhoon, stretching and trying to stay awake. The room was dark, only illuminated by a bit of light from the outside peaking past the blinds.

He wanted to just stay in bed. Maybe watch some videos or something on his tablet. But, there was work to be done. He grabbed his phone and tapped the texting app, finding the message between him and Toothdee.

"I'm awake. What's our status?" He texted.

Toothdee decided to call back instead of texting back, the phone's screen showing a picture of her, while the device rang loudly.

The captain cursed under his breath, getting out of bed and walking into the bathroom in his room.

"What is it?" He said, answering the phone.

"Well, first of all, good morning." Toothdee said, "secondly, we lost the energy signature of your counterpart's plane last night. We can only track it for so long, and it's difficult considering his plane has a stealth coating of paint on it."

"So, we've lost him entirely?"

"Not quite. We can still search the general area where we last detected the plane. Also, we have a report from a scouting element. Our counterpart's version of the Typhoon was spotted in the same area. I think we might be getting close."

"Brilliant! Let's keep on them. We might be able to find our counterpart's HQ. What about you, Toothdee? You should probably get some rest."

"I'm fine. I took over from Kion a few hours ago. Besides, I have iced tea."

"Oh, did the flying training pay off?"

"Well, it's a lot easier to fly through the open sky than battle around rocks and structures, using them as cover."

"True. Ok, I'll come up and meet you shortly."

The call ended, and the captain sighed, exiting the bathroom and walking back to his bed.

"Sorry about that." He said to the blue-furred wolf laying on the bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Well... I should probably get up anyways..." JayJay said.

"Another day, another battle. But it's nice to relax every once in a while." The captain said, sitting on the bed and pulling on some socks.

"Yeah... especially with someone else," JayJay said, nibbling on her companion's ear.

"Ow!?" Alex said, pulling away from her.

"Oh, sorry! That's a wolf thing."

"Well... Just be gentle."

The wolf went back to work, following her instincts while the captain scrolled through his tablet, preparing for the day ahead. Eventually, much to JayJays disappointment, Alex got up and gathered his things, getting ready to leave.

"Who's.... still left out there?" The wolf said, getting on all fours and stretching her arms out, yawning at the same time.

"Well, there's your counterpart, Toothdee's counterpart, and my counterpart."

"Oh, listen, be careful when going after your counterpart, ok." The wolf stood up and walked over to the human, taking his hands in her paws. "Eris told me that you crashed while battling your counterpart."

"Yeah, it was tough. I mean, just a human, treading water against a jet."

The wolf's ears were pinned back on her head, indicating she was upset.

"But I'm fine. Shame about my jet, though."

"You are more important than some fancy plane Alex."

"I know, I know."

"Be more careful, so you can live to fight another day."

There was a pause, the captain thinking about what to say next.

"For me?" The wolf said.

"*sigh* alright, for you."

The pair shared a short kiss and embrace before going their separate ways for the day. There was still a war to be won.

000

The captain entered the bridge, gazing out at the light blue sea and tall volcanic mountains visible outside the Typhoon. The mountains were covered in rich green forests, and clouds dotted the sky. Toothdee was piloting the ship from the captain's chair. Meanwhile, Jack was also present, standing in the corner and listening to something on his phone. However, he was aware enough to nod at Alex as he entered.

"Morning!"

"Morning Alex," Toothdee said, sitting up in the captain's chair. "We should be nearing the area where our counterpart's ship was spotted."

"Well, we should probably put everyone on high alert."

"I know. I'm just letting everyone get up, get ready, and get going. But everyone's assignments and positions have already been set up and are ready to be sent out if or when the time comes."

"You are always prepared."

"Hang on, picking up something."

Toothdee looked at the radar screen to spot an unknown contact somewhere behind a mountain up ahead. She guided the ship towards the signature, rounding the mountain the heroes on the bridge saw it.

"The black typhoon..." Toothdee said, watching the massive vessel hover in the air in front of them. The ship was slightly larger than Heroes' blue Typhoon, and its hull way black in color, while its counterpart was gray with some blue highlights. Large wings used to help the airship in flight jutted out from the hull, and the vessel's surface was blistered with weapon emplacements.

"Toothdee, battle stations!" The captain ordered.

"Already on it." She said, pressing a button, automatically sending everyone's assignments to them. Everyone on the ship instantly and knew where they had to go and what they had to do.

Jack and Alex raced to gunner seats, sitting down and bringing the weapons online.

A few moments later, Laval and Eris entered the bridge, getting to their gunner positions.

"Well, this is quite a way to start the day," Laval said, sitting down.

"Enemy ship is hailing us," Toothdee said before a video from the Black Typhoon appeared on the bridge's main screen, which normally showed the outside world.

Toothdees counterpart appeared on screen, also sitting in the pilot's seat of her vessel.

"I did not expect that today I would get to destroy my adversaries and their warship." Toothdee's counterpart said. "Today is off to a good start."

"It's you who will be going down today," Toothdee said.

"Your ship is inferior by the looks of it."

"It's more than capable of killing you!"

"We shall see..."

The video disconnected, and the battle began.

Both typhoons fired, opening salvos of missiles and rockets. Members of Heroes operating the bridges of the blue Typhoon, while Chinese troops managed the weapons of the Black Typhoon. Shots from both vessels hit the other, dealing damage to both ships.

"Hull is holding," Eris reported.

The ships moved closer to each other and began to circle and square off. The pair of ships avoiding enemy shots while hitting their own. Two airships battling in the sky, surrounded by volcanic mountains and forests sprouting from the rich soil.

Toothdee used the blue Typhoon's smaller size and better maneuverability to evade incoming fire from the hostile vessel. However, this also meant that when the Blue Typhoon was hit, it did more damage than when the Heroes vessel struck the Chinese ship.

The blue Typhoon pulled in close, allowing its gunners to engage at close range, dealing heavy damage to the hostile airship. But due to the closer range, the black Typhoon got off some good shots on the Typhoon. As the blue Typhoon pulled away, the enemy airship launched a barrage of missiles that struck the American airship.

The Heroes vessel shook as shells and missiles hit it, and suddenly, lights, computer screens, and control systems went down.

Red emergency lights came on while the massive video screen used to view the outside world flickered for a moment. Laval spoke on the loss of camera feed to the weapon he was controlling.

"Uh? Where'd my canon go?"

"Mine's gone as well." Captain Boehm said. "The electrical systems must have been damaged."

"Find out where!" Toothdee said, trying to maintain control of the vessel despite the power issues. She turned her vehicle away from the hostile airship. The Typhoon used the volcanic mountains nearby as cover, breaking the line of sight with the enemy. However, the dark ship maintained pursuit, firing whenever it had a chance.

Meanwhile, Eris had switched control away from a weapon's emplacement, choosing instead to activate one of the Typhoon's defensive systems. Smoke generators all over the ship turned on and created a large cloud around the vessel, obscuring it from the view of the Black Typhoon.

Alex looked through a display of the ship's systems and saw that a critical junction box had sustained damage.

"Junction box 2-C, port side!"

"Get Skye on it!" Jack said, "she's an engineer after all."

The captain quickly contacted the fox on his radio.

"Skye! We need you!"

"What is it? What's wrong with the lights?"

"A junction box has been damaged. We need you to fix it. And quick! Look for junction box 2-C. It's marked as such. 2nd deck, port side."

"Massive airships aren't really my thing...." Skye said. "But I'll see what I can do. I'm gonna need my tools. They're in my room."

"I'll tell Kion to get them," Alex said.

"Ok, I'll get it done."

Skye started racing through the ship, getting on all fours to go faster. After being contacted by captain Boehm, Kion headed to Jack and Skye's room. The lion entered, quickly spotting a small red toolbox near the door, before grabbing it and sprinting towards the compartment he had been directed towards.

Meanwhile, toothdee turned and moved the Typhoon as fast as she could, narrowly avoiding hostile shells. The black Typhoon fired another barrage of missiles.

"Deploying flares!" Eris said, pressing a button and causing flares to release from canisters on the Typhoon. The heat-seeking missiles hit the flares, while the Typhoon continued onwards unscathed by the missile barrage.

Skye reached compartment 2C and opened it up, finding wires and electronics smoking and sparking. Kion showed up with a toolbox, crouching down to her height and putting the box between them.

The fox blew on the burnt electronics and went to work, rewiring electrical circuits and occasionally telling Kion to get her a tool.

"Wire cutters."

The lion reached into the tool bag and found the tool, quickly placing it into the agent's waiting paw.

"Voltmeter."

The lion obliged as the lights in the area went out for a brief moment while Skye messed with the wiring.

"Rag."

The lion handed Skye a rag, and the fox wiped the sweat off her forehead with it.

She fiddled with the electrical systems a bit more, and then, the weapons returned to full fictionality. On the airship bridge, the main lights returned, and computer screens came back on.

"Oh yeah, we're back," Jack said, the camera view of his weapon returning.

Toothdee spun the Typhoon around, ultimately catching the pursuing enemy ship off guard. With the element of surprise, the Heroes vessel fired everything it had. Missiles, cannons, machine guns, ordnance of all types hit the Black Typhoon.

The Chinese airship sustained massive damage, hull sections cracking and burning scars appearing all over the vessel. The black Typhoon attempted to flee, turning around a mountain and into a large valley. However, the blue Typhoon maintained chase. Toothdee pressed her firing controls, and cannon shells cut through the air, hitting the rear engines on the Chinese vessel.

Smoke poured from the black Typhoon, the dark ship looking like its very superstructure was evaporating into whips of jet black smoke. The Chinese vessel couldn't maintain altitude, crashed into the forest below, and created a massive sound of scraping metal on rock.

Trees, rocks, and dirt were thrown up in the air as the black Typhoon skid across the ground. Wild birds took to the sky in fear as the airship came to a stop on a mountainside. The beast was slain. Smoke and fire poured from the black Typhoon, and most of its weapons had been destroyed. All that was left was the crew, scrambling around inside, Dark Toothdee yelling orders to try and formulate a course of action. Chinese troops rushed to and fro, repairing damage and attempting to get systems back online.

All the while, the Blue Typhoon hovered in the sky above its fallen adversary, almost lording over its kill. The smaller and allegedly inferior ship had bested its enemy, leaving the latter nothing but broken metal.

"We did it," Toothdee said, finally relaxing slightly, no longer in imminent danger from their counterpart's ship.

"Take it from another pilot, Toothdee, that was some great flying," Eris said.

"Some of their weapons are still online. They could still return fire," Jack noted.

"Hail them," captain Boehm said, "let's see what they have to say now."

A communications link to the hostile ship came up on the screen yet again. This time the video showed that Toothdee's counterpart looked worse for wear. Smoke and sparks came from areas off-screen, and the counterpart's face was covered in cuts and bruises.

"Well, well... Who's inferior now." The captain said. "It would be wise for you to surrender."

"Never!" Toothdee's counterpart said. "I'll tear your ship from the sky! You will have to kill me!"

"You got it. Open fire! All batteries!"

"With pleasure, sir," Laval said, pressing down on the fire buttons on his controls.

Missiles and shells blasted for the Typhoon's weapon systems, the ship engaging with extreme prejudice. Smoke from the weapons filled the air as explosions wracked the black Typhoon.

Toothdee pressed down on her fire controls, but only half-heartedly. Even as she pressed the button to launch a devastating barrage of missiles, her will to do so wavered. Was this the best course of action? Why couldn't they make a ground assault and capture her counterpart? They would be able to gain valuable intelligence. These thoughts ran through her mind, even as the barrage of missiles streaked towards the Black Typhoon's bridge.

On the enemy bridge, alarms blared, and red lights flashed as the ship sustained catastrophic structural failure. Indicators displaying critical damage blinked wildly as Dark Toothdee closed her eyes. She did not want to see her own failure, even as the black Typhoon broke apart around her.

The vessel detonated. Fire ripping through its dark black hull, propelling debris into the air, with the wreckage raining down in the surrounding area. All that was left of a once-powerful and devastating airship was a burnt and ravaged hunk of steel, awash with flame.

"Well, that's that then," Eris said

"Another one down," Laval said.

"I'll send a team to the wreckage," Jack said, calling up some ZIA agents who were in the vicinity.

"Eris was right, Toothdee." Alex said, "you are one hell of a pilot."

"Thanks." She responded. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that they could have done more. She was partly glad that her evil counterpart was dead, but she felt they could have captured her dark double instead. Either way, another counterpart had been killed. Only 2 remained.

000

"What have you found?" Toothdee asked. She and Alex watching Jack, Haida, & Retsuko sort through reports.

"Well, the ZIA agents sent to the wreckage found some Chinese military documents," Retsuko said, eyes darting between 2 pieces of paper as she cross-referenced information.

"I the ZIA's best translation teams are working on it," Jack said. "They've already translated a bunch of helpful information."

The rabbit pulled up a report that was marked as highly classified. "But there's also a report that seems to be from the counterparts. it mentions something called 'operation match strike.'"

“Matchstrike?” Alex said.

"Yeah, it mentions operations at a set of islands in the South China Sea and talks about running communications misinformation and then launching a small strike force. That's about it. It doesn't tell the full story."

"Island in the South China Sea?" Toothdee said, "isn't that where this war started?"

"Yes, it is. There does seem to be information here about the start of this conflict. Maybe if we can get intelligence from the islands themselves, we could learn more."

"Back to where it all began...."

"Want me to start drawing up plans for an infiltration or assault operation," Alex asked.

"Do that, but first, we need to finish repairs and rearmament."

"Skye is helping to work on that," Jack said. "I'm glad we were able to make it back to a US island."

"Yep, we sustained some heavy damage, but at least we're still in one piece."

"And soon..." captain Boehm said. "The full might of this warship, Heroes, and the US, will be bearing down on China and our counterparts."

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barnesandco · 4 years

Text

Nikah: June

Story Masterlist

Nikah: noun, Arabic, meaning the contract of marriage.

Bucky marries Peter’s former tutor because her student visa’s about to expire and the government isn’t granting her a green card. Can she find a way to permanent residence by marriage, and if so, will it be at the cost of their hearts?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of guns. Angst. Captivity.

A/N: Written under the Arranged/Accidental Marriage trope for @mermaidxatxheart ‘s writing challenge. I’ll be honest, I don’t really know how to feel about this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

For the first time in nearly eighty years, Bucky wants to be a soldier. Wants to bark orders, organize his troops, pull the goddamn trigger, because this isn’t working. The troops are in disarray, another off-the-clock meeting in the living room going nowhere. The area is dark, their handwritten notes illuminated by Peter’s floating lights. Like enlarged fireflies, they hover above them, casting soft shadows across the contraband paperwork, but do nothing to soothe Bucky. It’s going to take more than that to take his mind off his missing wife.

He’s busy counting. It has been 13 days, 11 hours, and 34 minutes since she walked out the door. She never came back. Every moment since has been only disaster, catastrophe. A complete blur. He tries to put together the jagged shards of the course of events that lays splintered in his mind, recaps the case like a private eye in a noir film, but the storyline is overwhelming. He can only remember the noise. The television static that was the police station he reported her missing in the morning after the fallout. The mind-numbing white noise of the press, of the investigators, his concerned teammates. They’re still concerned, naturally, watching him pace behind the sofa, mind clearly in another dimension.

Peter himself is absent. Has refused to show up to meetings, says he’s taking a break. As if they don’t know that he spends his free time patrolling as much of the city as possible, looking for her. A few amongst them would again suggest that she has run away, if it wasn’t for the notes.

Whoever took her has been sending cruel, little messages, in varying unpredictable fashions. On social media, in the mail, a temporary web domain. All made impossible to track and each more infuriating than the next. No ransom demand, no explanation, just taunts.

Forensic specialists have nothing, behavioral analysts are at a total loss, and Bucky’s at the center of the circus that this investigation has become. He is at the eye of the storm, although currently, he feels like the storm itself, even while it surrounds him, raging and powerful, it threatens to drown him, but he cannot afford that. Not when someone else’s life is at stake.

“Man, that’s enough. Get some rest and we’ll get back to it tomorrow.” Tired and weary, and above all else, worried, Sam decides to call it a night. Bucky doesn’t have the heart to argue. As they file out, Sam stays behind, looking at Bucky, still standing with a manila folder in his hands. The captain comes up to him and takes it away gently. “You’re going to collapse, Barnes. No good to her like this. Sleep,” He says, pointing the folder like a scolding finger at him on his way out, and Bucky sighs. Knows he will not obey this order.

The night is temperate, a gentle blanket smelling of grass and gun-cleaner around him as he steps onto the balcony outside his room. They must have cut the lawns today. It’s a beautiful evening, and he’d appreciate it if there was room for any such thing in his heart. At present, the cavity in his chest is overflowing with fear. He hasn’t been this scared since he was a 20-something soldier in Azzano, Zola’s wicked face above him on the operating table. The intensity of this fear frightens him further. How is he this scared, for someone else? When did the cold metal Hydra poured into him to forge their sword melt into the lava bubbling ferociously with rage and hurt inside him? He has spent his whole life, scorning the cold, and now he is being burnt from the inside out, the fury in his veins sparking a fire in his belly.

Taking a deep breath, he reminds himself to calm down. Remembers that the magma can and will pour into his lungs if he lets it, will stifle his air supply until he is as helpless as his wife probably is, wherever she is. Sleep is not on the cards, so he comes back into his room and picks up the Glock under his pillow. Sits to clean it again tracing the indentations and following the lines.

“Sign here, sir,” The official’s baritone voice requests, pointing to the dotted line on their accepted marriage license. The black fountain pen is cold in his hands, and he hurries to sign. Their witnesses - another married couple that were waiting in line for their ceremony - shuffle impatiently. The document is slid over to her, and she does the same. Bucky doesn’t know whether his sigh of relief is releasing the burden of anticipation from his shoulders, or making room for the burden of a false marriage on them. The formalities are discussed in short time, prenuptial agreement non-existent, and the man congratulates them professionally behind half-moon glasses.

She nods, smiling, and they get up to thank the witnesses as their own file in, along with their few guests. Courthouse marriages are popular, Bucky notes, buttoning his jacket. They leave the building, walking a few blocks to grab a taxi, silent and cold. Night falls by the time they get home, the elevator ride feeling like weeks instead of minutes. The keys jingle as he turns the lock, and he and his bride step over the threshold of his house. Not their home, not yet.

Sam’s frantic knocking rouses him from his uncomfortable sleep, his back against the side of his bed and legs splayed out in front of him, gun still in his hands. He thanks God the safety’s on, and goes to open up.

“What?” He says shortly to the man who is breathless and alert, bursting with something to say. Sam holds up a key.

“The agent who gets sent to check your mail in Brooklyn just got back with this,” He says, giving it to Bucky. He looks over it, the silver glinting and reflecting off the metal of his arm. It’s vaguely familiar, and he thinks he should recognize it, but he does not. Not until he reads the number, and his heart drops to his knees, last night’s scarce dinner threatening to resurface.

“The storage unit,” He murmurs, tracing the number on the plastic keychain attached to the key. 3-8-4.

“What?” It’s Sam’s turn to ask as he takes in his friend’s expression, knowing this means something.

“We rented a storage unit to put her stuff in when she moved in with me,” Bucky explains, rotating the key in his hands, as if there is a hidden clue in it. “This is the key to that unit.”

“Then we should go,” Sam determines, throwing a call to suit up over his shoulder at him, and ordering Friday to gather the others.

Two hours later sees them at the storage facility, heavy red gate imposing in front of them. They can hear the ambulance on standby outside, the buzz of media attracted by the movement of armed forces inside the city. The SWATs nod for him to open the gate, rifles on their shoulders, and Bucky sarcastically thinks this might be one hell of an anticlimax, until the gate slides up with an unholy groan to reveal his wife.

The smell of sweat and stench and human waste, along with those curse MREs slaps him across the face harshly, but he needs to get to her. This is nothing, compared to the hell of the past few weeks without her.

Finally, here she is now- his bruised, tired, but very much alive wife. Her bloodshot eyes widen at the sight of them all, black-clad special ops and a team of Avengers, him still at the side of the entryway. They all lower their weapons, but she scrambles back, gag in her mouth biting at the corner of her lips when she gasps, frightened. Then she sees Bucky, and it’s like an ocean wave washes over her. She is clad, well-covered, yet he slides his combat jacket off, approaches slowly and drapes it around her shaking form before doing anything else.

Maintains eye contact while cutting the ropes the bind her hands and feet and pulls off the gag. For a painful moment, she stares at him, frozen in time, and then the dam breaks, and she collapses. Falls into his arms, great, gasping sobs erupting from a chest he didn’t know could hold that much sorrow as she cries against him. Her sanctuary is ripped away when the medics arrive, as they ask for her to be taken to the hospital, she needs to go, Mr. Barnes, but she clings to him. Screams hoarsely until they stop insisting and give them space.

Bucky nods to them - telling them he’ll bring her to the ambulance - over the top of her unwashed head, the tiny jhumkas from the iftaari still in her ears, one blood-stained, digging into his shoulder as she tries to hide in him. Tries to bury herself in his body, tries to make herself disappear. Again. Sam’s calling for everyone to back up, and Bucky’s grips grows tighter. He’s going to bend down to pick her up bridal style when she passes out, dead weight in his arms. The medics rush forward again, but he waves them off, carrying her back himself.

She wakes up in the ambulance on the way back, fraught like a tense rope, but doesn’t open her eyes. His only indication of her consciousness is how she squeezes his hand feebly, and he squeezes back, thinking: it isn’t fair.

Taglist: @suz-123 @mermaidxatxheart @buckyreaderrecs @shield-agent78 @corneliabarnes @readerandcinephileingeneral @stevieboyharrington @notsomellowmushroom @veganfangirl5 @mood-pancakes @lbuck121 @starnight-charmer @redhairedfeistynerd @geeksareunique @samingtonwilson @alyxkbrl

#ayesha writes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader angst #bucky barnes x desi!reader #bucky barnes angst

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evergreen-dryad · 3 years

Text

old bnha wip #2 (todobakudeku)

Sirens screamed over the city lights as the reporter picked up the pace. "And right here on the scene we have — oh!" Her voice picked up in pitch, excitement making her tremble. "The Burning Duo's on the way, everyone! Freshly debuted just earlier this spring, straight out of the No.1 hero's agency — look sharp! It's Temperance and Detonation!"

Right on cue, the blasts of the explosive hero heralded the arrival of the noisier, and more hotheaded of the two. The villain was suddenly on the ground. Any other partners-in-crime still walking paled, and not just from fear and the sweet, toxic smell of nitroglycerin — it was the icy snap of cold, freezing their skin to any surfaces they happened to touch.

"Annnd there we have it! All cleaned up, all in one swoop! And a very good job to our heroes!" The reporter scuttled her way over to where the two young heroes were binding up the petty criminals, ready to hand over to the police as soon as they caught up. “Temperance! Detonation!” She thrust the mic into their faces. “Mind telling us the secret behind your smooth teamwork? Our viewers would be very interested to know how you two work behind the scenes!” One eyed her coolly, looking absent-minded. The other had not even bothered to look over.

“Hm… we’re good friends,” Todoroki Shouto finally contributed. A waft of cool air drifted about his hair.

A loud ‘Tchk!’ sounded from behind them. Bakugou Katsuki finally deigned to look over sourly. “…We’re barely friends.” Any UA classmate of theirs may have gaped at the magnitude of Bakugou admitting such a thing. Todoroki glanced over at him, almost bewildered.

A beat passed where they looked at each other and the reporter awkwardly stood by, still holding up the mic, afraid to move it.

Todoroki was the first to move. “We work together Mondays to Saturdays, train together, and spend almost any free time together, I’d say that makes us very good friends.” He finally appeared to take notice of the mic mostly pointing at him and gingerly took it from the reporter, resigned that they would have to stay there to entertain the media while they waited.

Bakugou made another snappy sound in his throat. “And I’ve told you this before: time doesn’t equal friendship dumbass.” He marched up to Todoroki, snatching the mic from him while aggressively elbowing him away. “Tell this to the public.” He glared into the black eye of the camera. “We worked freakin’ hard to get here.”

* Temperance & Detonation: Are They Friends? 734,541 views

We tried to get an interview but they couldn’t stay longer than a few minutes, so this is what we got :)

HeroNews

COMMENTS fridakohl hmmm we’re good friends he said 👀

ranranherotime temperance: *friendzones detonation* dtonation: no f you

zimmerrr but look at temeprance insisting they’re friends tho??? Precious

yeetcityhours 1:31 where they stare into each others’ eyes like wrow??? i feel myself melting from the sparks flying in the air. two heroes arguing over their bromance?? heronews gimme more

goddessxgirl more like Temperance & Detonation: are they soulmates ^ Hide 34 replies

flyonstraight right?? look how fast they move together engineman333 they don’t even have to look at each other Froggo uh i think all heroes esp duos need to have this level of teamwork

#heroes

I’d just like to say I think Detonation firmly denying they’re friends means he thinks of them as something more and for those who think their success is just getting along well 6 days in a week? nAh, we worked our asses off. Just who do you think you’re fooling 2,456 notes

The real question is is Detonation just pissed Temperance won’t let them out they’re soulmates 1,566 notes

* “I could tell you were trying really hard not to yell there,” Todoroki said, faint amusement glinting in his eyes.

“Shut up.” He was not staring.

“Good job on not blasting press equipment this time,” he continued, ignoring him. Last time, he’d yelled so loud that his decibel level overshot the limit. Present Mic had half-jokingly tweeted him about stealing his spotlight.

Katsuki turned away from him, walking ahead into their office. Their, their, them. Everywhere they went, they were a unit. Together.

He wanted to spit at the thought of it.

He could tolerate it. It was nothing.

Yet what was this itchy feeling that kept nagging at the back of his head these days?

The PR officer looked up from where she’d been consulting their notes. “There you are. Good job out there.” She got up, receiving a greeting from Todoroki. “I wanted to talk about today. So far the image you two have presented is as capable fighters, but today’s on-scene news have proved the public is hungry for more, especially of the relationship between you two.”

“What’s new,” Katsuki grumbled, tugging off his gauntlets.

She smiled. “Everyone seems to like seeing you two argue. It does give them hope that the two of you may be not just paired heroes.” She coughed diplomatically. “Soulmates.”

“Just come right out and say it,” he groaned. He pointed a finger at the frigid bastard who was carefully considering everything the damn PR was saying. “Bicker with him? Easiest thing in the world. What else have you lot come up with?”

“Nothing much, just act as naturally as you do and try to be actual friends.” She had the gall to wink at him. “Todoroki-kun here is always trying his best to be actual friends with you after all. Wouldn’t hurt to hang out more often, have fun together.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Todoroki said, thumb on his chin. Was he brightening at the idea? Was that a hint of interest on the non-emotive bastard’s face? Ugh.

“We’ll leave you to it then,” the PR woman waved her file as she dismissed herself.

And then they were alone in the office and Katsuki did not appreciate it, not with the Half-n-half’s attention fully on him like that.

He tugged his mask out of the way, heading to his desk. Todoroki’s gaze was still solely fixated on him. “What.” He twitched, irritated.

Todoroki appeared to shake himself out of whatever fugue he’d fallen into. “I was trying to remember if you’ve ever done anything for fun. Do you?”

Katsuki stared at him. “Sure I do. Whenever I get to be alone.”

Todoroki’s gaze prodded him to say further. “And? That can’t be it?”

He growled, chafing. “Train. Walk. Jog. Parks. Mountains. What else do you want, huh?”

Todoroki’s face loomed out of the right corner of his eye as he came over to stand over Katsuki’s desk. “What about animals?”

Katsuki scrunched his nose in distaste. “What about them?”

“No allergies?” Todoroki kept pressing. He was distractingly close and Katsuki did not appreciate anyone leaning in too far his personal space.

He let Todoroki stay there anyway. There’s something wrong with him.

His pulse is not in the palms of his hands. If he’s sweaty, then maybe that’s why he’s letting the Thermostat venture nearer. He’s useful like that.

“No,” he snaps reluctantly.

He looks up at Todoroki sliding his phone towards him. There’s an image on it, a colourful flyer for… a cat cafe.

“Oh hell no-”

“Shinsou recommended it. So did Sero,” Todoroki says, tone as flat as ever, but there’s that note of question in it.

“I’m not going into a cutesy place like that, all they’ll serve is sweet food.” He says with a tone of finality, slamming down his paperwork for the day.

A beat of silence. But you’re not trying — how about the cats?

Katsuki looks up at the thought, because evidently the Thermostat hasn’t left. And he’s just opened his mouth to say the exact thought that popped into Katsuki’s head.

Oh gods help him, Todoroki is looking at him wih those slightly pleading eyes, that’s the most this emotionally-constipated bastard can manage, but Katsuki is just, suddenly weak.

It’s unbelievable. He’s nothing but stubborn as heck but this is what gets him weak?

“It better have good chow,” he threatens weakly.

Todoroki lights up.

Ugh, all this just to see that light curve to his lips.

“See you, Bakugou.” He says, finally leaving and taking his phone and his damn small smile with him.

Katsuki thinks again to all those times he’d caught himself staring at this too-good-looking-for-his-sanity bastard and locks it all away firmly. No. Just no. They can be friends, he tells himself.

(He’s not hoping what everyone says they must be.)

He could almost swear there had been that ghostly afterthought people swore up and down and all over the internet, that apparently, were the signs. Signs they had started to sync in thought.

Katsuki clenched his fist, where his pulse had been skittering like crazy earlier.

The pen shook in his hand.

Wasn’t he happy it might be him? It’s someone like Todoroki, a pro hero just like him. Someone who’s been by his side since the UA days. Someone who can keep up with him, someone who’s strong, and can give him a good fight anytime.

He could scrounge his head all he liked, but he knew he wouldn’t find the answer.

Why did it feel like he had forgotten something?

A laugh fills the air of the dimly lit room. A lightbulb flickers. “Are you for real… they couldn’t be more different from each other!”

Another voice joins in chirpily. It is the nonchalent drawl of a high-school girl eager for gossip. “Right~? They’re exactly like a prince and a beast!”

“Right… the fans are actually comparing them to that lovingly.” A chuckle follows the speaker as he leans his elbow further on the gilded surface of the wood.

A hum. Congratulations, Kacchan. And that Todoroki as well. He has been keeping track of them after all. Hard not to want to document the progress of the first quirk he’d ever studied. Feeling the eyes of others on him, he draws up a piqued eyebrow as well.

"You want to meet them, don't you?" Toga's leaning in now with that curious gleam in feline eyes, wide grin not too far from slitting her entire face. It is the look of someone who has scented blood.

"Ehhh," He plays along coquettishly, draws out the syllable. "I couldn't! They'd kick me out of the building, not like you who can sneak in anytime!"

"You totally could!" Toga refutes, sitting up. "You're sooooo good at acting after all! Go!"

"Not so much if you can see through me," He demurs with a laugh.

She pouts and drapes herself over the table, head bending to squint at him.

“You’re a liar, Deku-kun.”

Ah, that’s true. “I do my best,” he singsongs. A glance up and down her body. Good, no suction needles anywhere. Though, knowing her, there is at least one hidden blade on her person.

(As much as Toga makes it hard for him to truly sleep soundly at night, she’s still useful.

One of the sharpest blades in his disposal.

He’d be a fool if he couldn’t retain her loyalty. Loyal, loyal Toga, as long as he could keep her entertained, dancing on a blade’s edge from becoming her next victim.)

Toga picks up the topic again, prodding at him. “Don’t we have Manami-chan already through their records? You could totally mess them up anytime.”

This is when Dabi saunters over, light on his feet. He’s probably had enough of their high school girl-type talk. Though, Izuku supposes he is kind of one. A tenseness in his gait though. He can feel the restless energy roiling off him like a caged panther pacing. “Under Endeavour, huh,” he says, his words smouldering with that particular hatred he’s held for the Flame Hero all these years.

Toga sidles up next to him. “Hey, when are we going to kill another hero again, Deku-kun? I’m bored~”

They had been quiet for a while after all.

Dabi’s stare bores through him like the blue flames he manipulates. Yes, yes he knows.

He smiles.

Time to put that plan into action then.

* Shouto sighs a long breath, watching it form white in the night air. It’s been a long day — of patrolling, emergency response, PR response — and he’d finally wrangled Bakugou into going out. For fun. It’s like Bakugou doesn’t know what that concept is, overachiever that he is. Not that Shouto has a much better idea himself, growing up like he had.

He’s looking forward to getting into his apartment. And sinking into a long bath. He’s not going to look at his phone for a good long while.

Shadows crisscross the path before him from lampposts. And then he sees a stutter in the image.

He hears the thud before he feels it. Someone's tripped into him.

“Ah, I’m sorry!” Vibrant green eyes look up at him, panicked. He sees the flash of them in the night and is momentarily sidetracked.

What was that feeling? A thrum, like a line cast into the night.

A flutter of pages. He dropped his files, just coming from behind him. So there was another office worker that had worked till this late at night.

He bends down to help the stooped figure. "It's alright." He picks up a paper and sees the headline on it. "Ah, so you also work here."

"Y-yes!" The young man squeaks, appearing too taken aback to make eye contact with him. "I'm just one of the many paper pushers in there, ahaha. So sorry, ah, thank you," he says meekly upon taking Shouto's handful.

They stand, and Shouto watches with a tad resignation as the young man starts, the glint of recognition in his eyes turning into full panic. “T-todoroki—! Temperance! I’m honoured.” His hands fumble, unsure whether to go for a handshake, and he looks like he’s about to drop his folders again so Shouto reaches in to steady the grip for him.

Their fingers brush against one another’s, and the young man looks fit to faint.

There is a flush on his face that Shouto is convinced only appears on fever patients.

“Are you alright?” He asks, concerned. Freckles dot pale cheeks, and he feels compelled to observe this person further.

“Thank you,” the young man says shyly. A small smile forms as he finally makes eye contact with him. “I’ll be good after a good night’s sleep.”

He looks like he needs it. There are shadows underneath his eyes. “Rest well then.” A tug in his throat. Shouto follows, curious. “Your name?”

“Oh! I’m… Midoriya Izuku.” A blink, and Shouto could have sworn there was an amused look in his eyes just now.

“Then, see you, Midoriya.” Shouto begins to walk again, expecting Midoriya to also be going the same way as him. It is the main road after all.

He does not. He turns back to see Midoriya tip his head at him, smiling genially. The electric light catches the top of his hair, giving it a green shine. “See you soon, Todoroki Shouto.”

He turns on his heel, and melts into the shadows.

* Stark midday. Clocks strike twelve, digital figures switch to 12:00, and then the screens of Tokyo freeze into black. It’s everywhere — live feeds, main TV channels, ads milling by — all superseded by a strange blackness.

Within the metropolis, citizens wonder if it’s a blackout.

All is still for a moment.

But then, a warped voice speaks. A masked face steps out, bowing to the camera. “Greetings, everyone.” Green subtitles scroll underneath.

When they straighten up, only the lower part of their face is visible. It is a bandanna wrapped around their chin, with a feral, toothy grin on it. “We apologise for the rude interruption, but we doubt your current system would let you listen to us without some… drastic measures.” The figure puts up a hand, waving it in the air lightly.

“Let me ask you, citizens… what is justice to you? What is a true hero? Is it what we have now? Where our top heroes are picked based on popularity stats?

We will be revealing our next operation in 24 hours. Stay tuned.”

And with that, the black screen zaps out with a flash, and all broadcasts are back to normal.

What was that? The media ask, shaken.

* Tsukauchi calls them in , grim-faced. "How much do you know of the villain Deku?"

Silence. Todoroki is clearly confused.

It is as if a vice had slammed down in his throat. "Deku?" He hears himself echo, almost hoarse. A name he had not heard in years. A name he had pushed out of his mind, only just able to open a door to childhood memory. Yes, he'd wondered what'd happened to the nerd at times, especially whenever he passed by the neighbourhood.

(No, it can't be him.

(Not Shitty Deku who dreamed bigger than anyone. Whose dreams would have gotten him killed.)

He'd never once dropped in. Sometimes his mum mentioned bumping into her at some sales or such, and asked him about Deku, but he'd always end up snapping that he had no word.

"Pity, you two used to be such good friends," she'd sigh after she'd boxed his ears. "Inko does look like she's getting... " She hesitated, unsure how to put it. "Tireder."

He's snapped back into the present by Tsukauchi's look of sympathy at him.

"We've recently gotten a source that the real identity of Deku may be Midoriya Izuku. And through investigation it appears you were once well acquainted with him."

"From witness observations, Midoriya does not appear to live with his mother despite his name being registered under the residence. Not for a few years, in fact."

// *yeets out a dusty old BNHA WIP once more* wrote all this in 2019 for the todobakudeku exchange! (yes it was for normalcryptid) I couldn’t finish it, decided I didn’t like it (looking back, I really overthought accuracy too much), so I scrapped it. I highly doubt I will revisit this first draft of a future AU. So feel free to adopt.

Concept notes: 1. Villain/hero au

2. any variation of soulmate au -maybe if they're soulmates they'll catch themselves in sync, hearing the other's thoughts? Little by little, depending on the bond between them

3. partner pro heroes

It's a lovely day in the city for the debut of two new heroes — and Midoriya Izuku, villain understudy, is in a very nasty mood.

aka

the AU where Midoriya Izuku becomes a villain instead, and Bakugou and Todoroki are the pro heroes who have to catch him. Also, and they were soulmates.

-And oh, add to the fact it’s also, hmm. A certain asshole hero’s birthday. Will wonders never cease, he actually made it this far.

bonus: the outline of the fic I submitted that never was:

-operation: track him down

-more villain stuff - their current op? kill Endeavour -when you forgot what dabi's in for 'he did take out much of re-destro and some of the lov," he mused, both a positive and a negative. less pesky competition to get a propaganda out, but also potentially less skilled people/mercenaries they drew. oh well, perhaps it was best they could draw fanboys for now. They promised loyalty at the very least.

-shit falls out on all media

-todo is in shock. all the todos are.

-'we'll be broadcasting why we've selected him this time. Usually, public, we have not touched your top 10 heroes, not even the top 50 if we could help it'

-'however, old sins must be answered for.' we will broadcast the details of these as we go along the acts to Endeavour's execution.'

-baku finally goes to talk to midoriya inko (todo tags along)

-deku's perspective: stain's not convinced of their plan as dabi was the main motivator, but deku shrugs: "even if we fail, we're destroying his reputation" he turns to dabi "with witness and what la brava has found as well"-todo's very concerned, ends up going with his father more on patrol -enji is soft is his son finally talking to him-(toga ofc exploits this to transform into todo and stab him on the day)- they'd infiltrated the agency for quite a while-toga, la brava, spinner, mido-thus know the schedules of everyone

-mido gets todo out of the way while toga steps in -knockout drops

-dabi, gentle and la brava out in wait in an alleyway

-baku finds midotodo, gets angry af

'why kacchan, nice to see you-'

'BASTARD!" he howled

-stain's broadcasting the stuff: dabi strikes while the damning facts are being broadcasted

-reunion conversation while mido throws an extinguisher bomb at him before escaping

-spinner is the getaway driver

-endeavour is not faring well he's reeling from both the stab and the fire and the emotional shock

-mido holds up todo's unconscious body, endeavour surrenders 'don't kill him, touya'

-baku blasts in very angry and snatches todo back, slaps him back to life

-back-up arrives, baku growls at them to stay out of this (bakudeku fight while others slink off one by one)

-'now you admit it? then you should know how i feel'

-'we can't be on the same side sadly'

'bye' a sinister smile - reverse of that scene -todobaku doing their best to arrest him

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #todobakudeku #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #boku no hero fanfic #boku no hero au #my writing #ed fics #yeep wit time

3 notes · View notes

youarejesting · 4 years

Text

Femme: 34

[MASTERLIST]

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader,

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Smut, oral performing, rough oral, making love, slow sensual moments in a bathroom and I will warn you there is mention of Christmas and Hanukkah.

Length: 3.4k words

Announcement: I dedicate this to my new friend @insertcoolusernamehere you sent a simple message, and I was over the moon I spent the whole day writing this bad boy. Let’s all thank this beautiful soul for making this happen today.

Recap: Shopping with Jungkook for the upcoming Christmas barbecue, you decide it is time to learn how to cook Korean food so you can cook for the boys. However, Jungkook gets distracted by your neck while braiding your hair. And you can’t help but follow him into the bedroom like he is the damn pied piper. Jungkook shares his first time with you and it becomes a whole hour or two of pleasure where you are joined by Namjoon and Taehyung. The two youngest finding pleasure in attacking your neck. Yoongi tired is greeted by your naked and marked form. Scolding the boys proves futile as they just can’t keep their hands off you.

After redressing, extensive makeup and a new braid from Jungkook you had finally filmed your video, the boys all made Cameo’s as they came home from work or moved about the house.

“Yoongi please stop eating the ingredients I am making food!” You scolded.

“My Princess I am home,” Jimin shouted, and you froze blushing down the camera and he poked his head into the frame and waved “Are you filming?”

After filming and eating the food you prepared for dinner, Taehyung and Jungkook huddled around the laptop and started editing. “Wah this camera is awesome Tae”

Washing the dishes and heading for a long shower to wash off the makeup you heard a knock. “Jagiya, can I come in?” Hoseok’s voice echoed through the bathroom as he poked his head through the door.

“Leaving the door unlocked is basically my invitation” you walked out to the shower door dripping”

“Jagiya what happened?”

“Tae and Jaykay thought it would be fun to give me hickeys” beckoning him over and undoing his shirt buttons, he got the hint undressing and following you into the shower room. Sitting on the floor he laughed kneeling in front of you taking your head in his hands turning it this way and that examining your face before he grabbed your ear and hummed.

“You look healthy and you have been micro-chipped but you haven’t been desexed which means you need to watch out for strays or you might get pregnant,” he hummed and you noticed how hard he was for you “You have nice strong legs and your coat looks particularly shiny which is a good sign, have you been vaccinated little one”

“All my shots are up to date?” you smirked

“What a clever little girl she can speak on command, I am going to check your teeth don’t bite me okay” He gently opened your mouth, and he hummed playfully “They are very good but always remember to brush and floss”

Sliding two fingers into your mouth, you wrapped your lips tightly around them and teased them with your tongue. He groaned, leaning his head back on the tiled wall. Removing his fingers from your mouth, you laid between his legs and looked up at him.

“Jagiya you are so pretty” You wrapped hands around his cock and locked up at him through your lashes. He watched you, his tongue flicking across his lip in anticipation.

You leaned up briefly to give him a kiss, and he moved your hair over your left shoulder and held it back so it wasn’t obstructing your face. Running your thumb under the head of his dick you gave a few kitten licks trying to stir him up.

It seemed to work as he growled for you to take him like a good girl. “Open your mouth” he was stern, his eyes dark and his voice thick with lust. Breathing hard you part your lips allowing him entrance, closing your lips around the tip.

You suck hard. Making Hoseok’s back arch and his hand tightening in your hair. He was vocal hissing through his teeth a guttural ‘Fuck’.

The sounds he made had you working more enthusiastically. You were both fighting for control, but you could tell he was about to snap his fingers twitching in your hair and the way he was trying to still his hips.

Pulling back you smirked “why are you holding back, I’m all yours,” you said moving his hands to the back of your head and threw him a wink taking him in your mouth.

“Oh fuck, Jagi you sure?” his voice was air, and you replied back in moans of approval “you better not regret this, you know the non-verbal safe sign”

Pushing himself all the way to the back of my throat, he almost made you gag. Giving you a second to catch your breath, you tried relaxing your throat you found humming helped. Tears welling up in your eyes at the slight burn as he set a rapid pace. He shuddered, burying himself a little deeper, the fullness in your throat had finally cut off your air supply. With your nose pressed to his pubic bone, his hips bucked once, twice, three times. Unloading himself he paused panting hard, and he held you firm.

The burn in your chest became too much to ignore, and you tapped the safe sign on his thigh and he swore releasing you. You pulled back coughing, gasping for air. “Baby shit, I’m so sorry” you turned and laid back on his chest. “It felt so good I didn’t want to move”

“I’m okay just don’t forget next time, I got to breathe,” you laughed, and he smiled hugging you.

“I love you” he kissed behind your ear.

It was Christmas Eve, and you had presents you put in a backpack, stepped onto the balcony and stepped over to the balcony next door.

You swore when you found it locked and climbed back you were pulled off the ledge by Yoongi who swore. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?”

“I am trying to sneak presents next door, but they locked their balcony door. Who locks their balcony door we are on the 20th floor?”

“Exactly we are on the flipping 20th floor and you're just hopping balconies, they are covered in ice what if you fell?” He was mad and upset and you hugged him.

“I’m sorry I will never do it again”

“When I saw you on the ledge, I thought you were going to jump” he frowned

“Yoongi no stop, okay don’t even think like that I love you let’s go inside”

“Namjoon has the key card to their apartment give me a second” Yoongi left and came back with his own backpack he held out the card and you went to take it.

“You have to work for this card you just scared the hell out of me,” he said “don’t think you aren’t getting punished for this”

“Okay, I understand but this first then you can get mad” he nodded and took the key cards for both apartments and you snuck inside the apartment next door.

You arranged the presents on the coffee table and smiled taking out some soft white sweaters (I changed ugly Christmas sweaters for a cute, soft boy look) you had bought for the boys with Taehyung who had bought them matching hats which you assumed he would give them the next day.

Yoongi reached into his bag and pulled out a collection of black envelopes he laid them down and you headed to the door opening it to see Seokjin, Taehyung, Namjoon and Jungkook with their presents the others not far behind, you laughed silently helping them all place their presents on the overflowing coffee table.

You all froze when a sleepy Yeonjun walked down the hall and walked all the way to the kitchen. He stood there staring at the fridge smacking his lips.

Sliding past him and filling a plastic tumbler with water, he reached out for it and drank it before handing it back with a murmur. Before shuffling back on his way hitting the wall, Jimin went after him and tucked him into bed before silently running back out.

Everyone headed to bed and as you reached your room, an arm wrapped around your waist, “don’t think you have gotten away with what you did little miss, I think I will collect my extra Christmas present tomorrow”

You were quick to fall asleep having a vivid dream. You were running in the rain, ducking inside a building. In the entranceway, you bought a ticket, grabbing a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl at the front desk. Selecting a peach and eating happily as you strolled through the large aquarium watching the fish. You finished the peach holding the small seed in your hand trying to find a bin. Rounding the corner, you saw the boys standing watching a group of otters.

Waking a little hazy on Christmas Morning. You woke to someone pacing outside your door; you wondered who it was the maknae excited for presents? Yoongi waiting to punish you for last night?

“Namjoon stop pacing she will be awake soon”

“No, I’m not ready yet, I need to put gel in my hair”

“I got a stain on my shirt let me change?” Jungkook shouted from the other room.

“Put your mics on,” Taehyung asked them all politely “we are now recording”

“Go shirtless” Yoongi drawled from the direction of the living room “then maybe she might say yes”

“What if she doesn’t like it?” Namjoon said

You got up and slipped on your Robe and picked your head out, “I heard you say we are recording so give me a minute to brush my hair and put on some actual clothes, good morning I love you times seven”

Dressing in a festive red dress you put bells in your hair and gold makeup look, stepping out. “Okay, I think I am awake can I brush my teeth, while someone puts a mic on me” You were brushing your teeth and Jin placed a microphone on your dress, “you look handsome today?”

“I won’t look handsome if you keep spitting toothpaste at me” he scolded, you ignored him and turned to the camera waving curiously. Making faces down the lense to make Taehyung laugh.

“Tae what are we recording for, hello good morning everyone Merry Christmas and if you don’t celebrate, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah”

“We have to give gifts. It's our first Christmas together.” Taehyung said setting the camera stand and coming to sit down. You were excited and there was the exchanging of the gifts and you gave out your gifts for the boys, it was the best you could do on a budget.

“Jin you first” he opened a present from you and you grinned it was a couples cooking class and then you had scored a wine and food comedy night tickets in a raffle. That you were excited to go to.

Everyone handed out their gifts. Yoongi was caught out re-gifting a rainbow sweater he had received the year previous from Jhope back to Jhope. “Man, this was my favourite sweater on you and you only wore it twice when I forced you”

“Yeah, you liked it so much so I thought I would give it to you,” He said trying to act nonchalant.

“Ah that’s all the gifts we should get to work on the barbecue food before we run out of time” You stretched your hands above your head trying to get the motivation to get up off the floor, but the boys were quiet eyeing each other. “What is going on? What are you hiding?”

“Well, there is one more gift but we don’t know how you would feel about it?” Namjoon said flustered he seemed nervous unsure what to say looking at the others for help.

“What he means to say is uh we love you a lot. And we want to always make you happy, and I know some of us aren’t particularly handsome”

“But you know Jin, Tae and Jungkook can make up for what we lack right?” Yoongi added onto Hoseok’s argument trying to keep things light-hearted but for the two of them to think that you were here for some of them and putting up with the rest had you biting your tongue.

“We would like to ask you if you wanted to marry us?” Namjoon opened a small ring box and Jimin hit his forehead muttering about how blunt and unromantic he was. You fell silent. Looking at the ring, lost in thought. Marriage this was the final step tying yourself to these seven men till death do you part. Your answer was most definitely yes, but you were thinking about your family, you had no father to walk you down the aisle or dance with you. You had no best friends to be your maid of honour well you did, but the number who would willingly wear a dress was slim.

Tears had tracked their way down your cheeks, unbeknownst to you. You suddenly thought of Moon Inshik. He could walk you down the aisle if you asked, and you could have the boy's next door as your flower boys. You wondered if you would go Traditional Korean Hanbok or if you would go Western. You realised Jiyong would most definitely rock a dress and the idea of Seung-hyun in a dress had you cackling.

“Did we break her?” Jimin whispered looking at Taehyung who was frowning and shrugged back.

“Just forget we asked and we can try again at another time when you think you might be ready?” Namjoon hastily tried to take the ring box from your hands and you pulled the ring out and put it on your finger, walking to the camera pulling it free from the stand and walking into Yoongi’s soundproof studio, locking the door behind you.

“I’m engaged, and I am happy but I would like to say something out loud privately. To my mother and father who cannot be here today, I am thankful you brought me into this world, I am thankful you let me join this program so I could meet the love of my life. I keep crying thinking I won’t have my father to walk me down the aisle or my best friends as bridesmaids but I think it is going to be okay because I have the boys and I love them to pieces and I have some people in mind. Guys you are looking at the future Mrs Kim-Min-Jung-Kim-Park-Kim-Jeon or is it Kim-Min-Jung-Park-Jeon or Kim-Kim-Kim-Min-Jung-Park-Jeon oh god signing my name is going to be a nightmare”

Throwing the door open you walked back out. “We should have gone for a traditional ring she didn’t like it, she stared straight at it and cried”

“So I don’t know about you but, I have a dilemma”

“Is it the ring?”

“No, it’s not the ring. It’s about my last name is it Kim-Min-Jung-Kim-Park-Kim-Jeon, or is it Kim-Min-Jung-Park-Jeon or Kim-Kim-Kim-Min-Jung-Park-Jeon”

“What do you mean we take your last name?”

“It’s always been that way, guys take the girl's last name, so their family doesn’t die out because there's always more male population than females.” Namjoon smiled and your jaw dropped.

“Really, you will all be Mr. (Last Name)” you scoffed, and they beamed with pride.

The celebrations were short-lived as you had to prepare the barbecue lunch and you were hand-making burger patties and Jimin made the buns fresh as well you cut up salads and put the lamb on skewers, preparing some desserts that you delicately placed in the fridge.

The guests started arriving the boy's next door wearing their cute sweaters you had bought for them and looking absolutely adorable in matching white berets with navy blue pants and the white sweaters you had bought. Kai had a few little candy cane clips on the edge of his beret. Yeonjun had round circular glasses, and a Christmas themed glasses retainers. A gold chain that hung from the thin arms of the glasses around the back of his neck and had cute little Christmas trees hanging from an extra little chain off the temples of the glasses.

They exchanged gifts embarrassed saying it wasn’t as good as the gifts you had all purchased for them, but one look at the box messily wrapped in the decorative paper your heart warmed. There were little dinosaurs in Christmas hats. “Where did you get this paper?” you asked Soobin quietly. “I love it and I want it.”

“Ah it was leftover”

Inside was something that made you cry. You grabbed Taehyun who was the nearest and squeezed him spinning him around. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it”

“Noona,” Yeonjun grabbed your hand, “Why are you wearing an engagement ring?”

“Cause we are getting married,” you smiled

“Why does it sound like she is more excited about their present than getting married,” Jimin asked Jungkook who looked in the box curious what had you so excited.

“Are you excited?”

“Currently I am not thinking about it because it will make me cry. Every time I look at it my heart just beats so fast. I am bottling the excitement trying to act cool so it will be a surprise for the guests when they arrive. You know to see who notices and who doesn’t but mostly so I stop crying on camera”

“We can’t be that bad” Yoongi pouted, and you reassured them you were genuinely so happy, you just were holding it all together. Everyone got to work, and the tables were set on the balcony the barbecue was cleaned and ready for when the guests arrived.

Your boss was the first to arrive and handed over a tub of Turkish delight ice cream, you hugged him and handed over the gift you had handpicked; it was fluffy socks and a shaving kit you had found in an antique shop, cleaned and re-varnished. You had listened to him how every year his wife had bought him a pair of fluffy socks and you had heard his recent shaving kit was broken.

He thanked you and in the middle of the hug you heard Misuk calling out to you, you turned to see, Jiyong and family followed by the four girls you had made friends with at the park. It was a little awkward at first but everyone was super friendly so they all became friends quickly.

“Moddy,” Misuksaid grabbing Jiyong’s arm “Moddy. MoMo.MoMo. Pammy, Pammy!”

“Yes, sweetie what is it?”

“Shiny” Misuk pointed right at your hand and Jiyong snatched your hand.

“You got engaged!” he laughed, “Let me plan your wedding”

“Well, actually I want you at my wedding, if it’s not weird I lost all my best friends, and I thought maybe you could be my maid of honour,” You said softly.

“Hell yes, I would love to”

Everyone was smiling and looking at your ring and while Taeyang took over the Barbecue flipping burgers. Yoongi took you by the hand and led you into the small bathroom down the far end of the apartment. He locked the door, and he held your face.

“Are you happy?” He searched your eyes, and you started crying.

“Yes and no, I love you and I want this so much but I am just mostly sad this is the final step, the last chance a parent has before they send their child off to be taken care of by their partner but mine don’t get to send me off I don’t get this last chance” he took your chin and tilted it up pressing his lips slowly to yours lifting your red dress and sliding down your underwear slowly.

He lifted your right leg and placed your foot on the sink behind him and he took his time wiping your tears and keeping things sensual. When he was done you felt relieved to get everything off your chest and he straightened up your dress tucking your underwear in his inner jacket pocket.

“I am going to run out of underwear if you boys keep stealing them all”

“This is a punishment for last night and I don’t think no underwear would be a bad thing” He flashed a gummy smile leading you to your room to do some touch-ups on your makeup before walking you back out to the party. You held your legs tightly together so nothing could run down your legs but it seemed no use. Jimin ran his fingers up your inner thigh and popped them into his mouth.

“You and Yoongi had fun I see, Jin had to keep everyone distracted while the host ran off to the bathroom with her fiance”

“One of my fiance’s Jimin” You smacked his backside before walking around the party mingling.

Femme Media 34

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bike42 · 3 years

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April 13-15, 2021 IAT Heading South

The funny thing about Spring in Wisconsin is it can be variable. After two weeks of amazing warm weather, we’re back up North in the cold. It’s actually “normal,” weather for April, but after what we’ve had recently, it’s kind of hard to go back. Actually, it was perfect weather for hiking, we just had to keep moving.

This time, we’re staying in the Holiday Inn Express in Antigo, WI (population 7780). I had a Waunakee Chamber Board meeting via Zoom early Tuesday morning, so Jeff and I drove up late Monday night so I’d be able to take that call before joining the gang. The hotel experience is different than when we’re together in a cabin, but we can’t always have everything perfectly aligned.

Kent had shoulder replacement surgery about two weeks ago, so this hotel option worked out well for Kent and Lynn too. He can’t hike “off road” for a bit (risk of falling), so he’ll hang out while Lynn hikes with us. I will say it felt odd not having him along on the hike. They arrived at the hotel early Tuesday morning, and Lynn rode with us to rendezvous at the start with Dan, Tam and Gary who had already left a car where we’d finish our Tuesday hike.

There were a few snow flurries in the air as we set off hiking just after 10am. We all dressed in layers, but the 34 degrees with a high of 40 caught me a bit off guard and I had to get creative and layer in some clothes that I’d brought for hanging out in the evening!

Everyone started out in gaiters, which was good as it wasn’t long until we were detouring around or splashing through puddles. In fact, as we were traversing around 4H Camp Susan, the road was completely submerged so we hacked our way into the woods, up a hill, and bushwhacked back down to the trail.

A little more than three miles, and we were crossing Hwy 45 – which marked the end of the Highland Lakes Segment and the start of the Summit Moraine Segment.

We came upon the Jack Lake ski trails area, and a nice little warming shelter with a porta-potty. It had a stove and wood – we could have had a fire if we’d needed to warm up. We were glad to have a picnic table and took an extended break there. The terrain was like other cross-country ski areas we’d hiked before – nice wide-open trails, but hilly!

After a few easy miles, we came to a fancier warming shelter called the Spychalla Lodge. We didn’t need another break, but we took one anyway.

From there, we continued on to Veteran’s Memorial Park. My folks had checked this out already, so I knew to expect cute little cabins and a nice campsite – I thought we were just a few weeks too early for camping, however – plus we needed Wi-Fi for a few conference calls. Just outside the campground, we entered the Langlade County Arboretum, where all the trees were labeled – we found it to be quite educational. The trail wound around several beautiful lakes: Game, High, Low and Jack Lakes – said to be named by card-playing loggers that had previously inhabited this area.

Our guide book warned us of possible issues with floating bogs and beaver dams, but we had no issues. We arrived at our end point for the day about 3PM – could have gone further, but Jeff and I had a Zoom call to be on at 6:30PM that evening so we’d planned for just over 11 miles today.

It was a windy day, but we were mostly protected in the trees – the sound of the wind in the high pines was awesome. While it never got warm (although Gary was hiking in a t-shirt), it was a pleasant day. The woodland flowers were just beginning to bloom, but they were advanced enough to use my “Picture This” app to help identify them. The forest and lakes were alive with the sounds of birds including sandhill cranes, geese, several kinds of ducks and I really loved the sounds of the Ruffed Grouse as they were “drumming,” to attract females or ward off challenging males.

Back to the hotel, and we walked over to the Bowling Alley across the parking lot – always a fun experience and the place was hopping, and the food was ok.

Wednesday morning, we awoke to snow on the cars, and the temperature was 33 degrees as we set out. I was the navigator, but wasn’t paying attention as Gary, Lynn and I were in a deep conversation about Waunakee’s Community Study on race ... so we missed a turn and saw a bit more of Langlade County!

We did the car drop, and at the start, there was a moss-covered stump that I’d photographed Tuesday afternoon – what a contrast to now find it snow covered!!

We set out at a brisk pace, and quickly finished the last 3.5 miles of the Summit Moraine segment. The terrain was mostly wide, grassy rolling roads, but then it turned and climbed along a ridge. Someone had built steps out of large rocks – the first time I can recall seeing that. I imagine it was a lot of work to build that, but made the climb easier. We skirted several beautiful lakes, and saw a beautiful DCA site.

The trail paralleled Highway A for a stretch, where we got a few honks from cars going past. We crossed the highway and began the Lumbercamp Segment. The trail went through the Peters March State Wildlife Area, and I expected it to be wet, but aside from an occasional large puddle in the low spot on the trail, it wasn’t bad. No one got wet feet today!

We walked along lumber roads, mostly grass covered thankfully. We only came upon a short stretch where there was active logging with equipment present but no one working today. The roads there were muddier, but nothing like the mud soup that we’d experienced several weeks ago on the Highland Lakes Segment!

I slowed my pace a bit and immersed in the peace of the surrounds – enjoying seeing the new growth of the trees and flowers, and listening to the cacophony of the birds.

After six miles, we searched out a place to stop for lunch. We’d been spoiled yesterday coming upon several shelters and areas with picnic tables! We finally spotted a downed tree, and Jeff got out his saw and lopped off a few branches to make room for the seven of us. It made us all think about the lunch we had sitting on a log atop a mountain in Slovenia a few years ago!

We continued trekking, on the lookout for the “Hillbilly Hilton” that we’d read about in our guidebook. Its all that remains from the Norem Lumber Camp which operated from 1920 to 1938. The camp originally had several log structures, but the only remnant is the root cellar, which has been renovated (?) into a respite for hikers. There were several sleeping platforms, a table and shelves with various things that had left behind. Unfortunately, there was a lot of trash both inside and outside. In the event of severe weather, it’d be a good place to take shelter, but I’d have been more comfortable in a tent versus sleeping inside there!!

We had another snack, and the guys kicked into turbo mode, with Gary issuing a self-challenge to finish the hike by 3pm. Tam, Lynn and I hiked a more moderate pace, stopping to check out the ramps (wild onion, or wild leek) – the forest was full of them, and I’d never seen them growing in Wisconsin before. Made us wish we were cooking dinner tonight!

The trail left the primitive road and headed up of high-relief hummocky topography. Once again, we found ourselves stumbling over roots and rocks, which actually was a welcomed change from the monotony of the forest roads. We came upon the beautiful Baker Lake, with a steep boat launch and a wooden slide to launch a canoe or kayak – would be a great secluded place to paddle!

From there, we climbed up a steep hill to Hwy-52 and the endpoint of our segment (and the guys patiently waiting).

We hiked over 16 miles today, in just under 7 hours. Great pace, but not too challenging. Feels great to be able to put in these longer distances. Gary commented that we had “rain, snow, sun, and wind; everything but locusts!” All in all, a great day.

We picked up the car at the start and got back to the hotel about 4:30pm, where Kent was waiting for us. He walked around Antigo, but reported it was much colder and windier than what we’d experienced in the protection of the forest. Since we had a Zoom call scheduled with Donovan of Embark Explorations (our Kilimanjaro guide company) at 7pm, we decided to head out to dinner right away. Tam found the Fifth Avenue Restaurant in downtown Antigo that had a good-looking menu and great reviews, so we headed there. Like most placed up north, they’re a bit casual with COVID restrictions and masks seemed to be optional and they had no problem with our group of 7 people sitting at one table.

We had a great dinner, lots of food, my favorite Leinenkugel Creamy Dark beer, and Jeff and I got pie to go from the Dixie Diner next door (same ownership – same family operating both places for 75 years).

After dinner, we went back to our “suite” at the Holiday Inn Express and huddled around Jeff’s laptop for our call with Donovan (and George Sanchez, our BrightStar colleague from Austin TX who will be joining us in Africa). Donovan and his wife have a pact to live somewhere else in the world every five years. They’d lived in Tanzania at the base of Kilimanjaro, and are now living in Guatemala so he was logged in from there. The call went well, but a storm was approaching there – we could see the lighting in his background window, and as he predicted, he lost power towards the end of the call. We learned enough to get super excited for our September trek! I’m so thankful that Gary suggested this IAT adventure to help get us so comfortable with multi-day trekking and test out our cold weather gear in preparation for all the weather we’ll encounter on our 9 days on the mountain in Tanzania.

Thursday, we woke to clearer skies, but still cool – the sunshine makes all the difference, mentally as much as physically. An easy car drop, we found ourselves at the start of Kettlebowl and hiking down into the bowl by 7:50AM.

The road opened up at the base of the Kettlebowl Ski Area, a nice little hill with some short, steep sections, served by several rope-tows, so that made me think of the nearby Paul Bunyan Ski Hill where I learned to ski!

Kettlebowl is a segment I’d read about as one where people had trouble getting lost so I was a bit nervous. It was rated a 4 / 4 so that got our attention as well. In reality, it was mostly wide forest roads, with numerous intersections. Perhaps in full leaf out, some of the signage is obscured, but we had no issues. We did have over 1000 feet in elevation gain, but easier to do with wide grassy paths versus narrow rocky trails.

Our group set off fast, which helped warm us up on the cold morning. After a mile, the layers started coming off. After about 3 miles though, I backed off a bit to enjoy the hike a bit more. Most of this area had been logged long ago, and has a successional forest of aspen and birch. Without leaves, we could really see through the trees – lots of hills, kettles, large rocks. We didn’t see wildlife, but I’m sure they saw us!

After about 5 miles we had a break – I went into the trees to find a large rock to sit on while I enjoyed the coffee I’d brought along with a fig bar. I really enjoyed the tranquility of being “alone” in the forest, knowing Jeff and my friends were just over the ridge – not exactly out of ear shot, so I had my “adventure with security” moment. I honestly cannot imagine doing these treks alone, but many people do. Our group is so compatible too, its ok for some to head out fast and work on cardio, and for others to linger back and talk or just enjoy the solace of the hike.

We completed the nearly 10-mile trek well before noon. We’d left two cars there, so Gary and Lynn headed back to Antigo to pick up Kent at the hotel, while Jeff and I drove Dan and Tam back to their car. We all met up at the Dixie Diner in Antigo for a hearty lunch. I was thinking cheeseburger of course, but their special today was a Pastie – either beef or chicken variety. My love of dough led me to choose that option – it was good, but very different than what I was used to. It had large chunks of beef and potatoes, while I’m used to more of finely diced version, more like a hash stuffed in a pastry.

After lunch, we drove back to the cemetery where the Kettlebowl segment ended to begin what’ll be a 30-mile connecting route (CR) – through the end of the Guthook West portion and onto the Central portion of the app! Since we had a great day and we were all feeling good, we decided to knock off 5 miles of the CR, and Kent walked with us – we felt complete as a group again!

I’d developed a small blister on my right heel yesterday, that was unusual. This morning’s hike, even though I’d had a Band-Aid on it, expanded it to quarter size. It didn’t prevent me from hiking; I hardly thought about it. But I’ll need to work on route cause (probably will have to give up pedicures and my foot softening lotion and build up my calluses before September)!

We had a fast 5 miles back to the tiny village of Polar, then a shuttle back to the cars and we were all on our way home. We’re still a 2.5-hour drive to our home – getting closer as the “crow flies,” but its still a remote location with small county roads to drive to get to our locations. After our 4 days next month, we’ll be within two hours – still too far for day trips, but that will come this summer.

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a-fritterer · 4 years

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@mytalkingraccoon , I thought I’ll slide it because of the number of questions but ended up doing it anyway 👀 Thank you!!! 🤗🥰gonna tag @literallybina , @purrrrrrr @supergeek1999

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I think my father said that to me, so of course he meant it.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? I’m an aro, dating doesn’t interest me. Also that person would be a child compared to me.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? Can’t recall.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? I’m quite shy.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? I don’t think so.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? a BBC Sherlock t-shirt and trousers

8. How often do you listen to music? everyday

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014? I hate my life before 2014 (not entirely but mostly) and my life started changing after 2014.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? social with friends, anti-social with relatives and others.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? does my dad count?

13. What about ‘R’? never kissed anyone other than my family ��

14. Can you drive a stick shift? I can't drive but want to learn it.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? I hate myself so fucking much but I can’t care less about others hating on me.

16. Are you going out of town soon? No

17. When was the last time you cried? Just now. Demons from my past paid me a visit uwu and my life is shit rn.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? told my friends

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I’ve black eyes which feels mundane. I wish I had eyes like Benedict Cumberbatch.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? for some friends’ I think.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. Not being enough productive and being caught up in misunderstanding and unnecessary drama.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? How can I know? 👀

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? I never dated anyone

24. What are you sitting on right now? my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? no

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? BTS Ot7 and Benedict Cumberbatch

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? a friend, on facebook

28. Do you get a lot of colds? I’ve sinusities so yeah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? an online shop run by a batchmate of mine

30. Does anyone hate you? May be. My brain says that I’m someone to be hated

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? I never drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies? I’m a horror junkie

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? nooooooo

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? I think this one

35. Did you have a dream last night? I forgot already

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? can’t really recall

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? I don’t want to be married in my life

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don’t think so

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? nah

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? nope

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? no

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? no

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes

44. What’s the best part about school? nothing. my school life pretty much sucked and I hate that version of me who went to school.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I do

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? that was a long time ago, can’t recall.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? all the fucking time

48. Were you single over the last summer? I’m forever happily single 🥰

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? nope

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? go to sleep

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? nope. He’s a really good friend of mine.

52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? not romantically but yes

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? I don’t want to be in one in the first place.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? sometimes

56. Do you think you like someone? nope

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? never

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Boys. I find them cool to talk with.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? yes

60. Do you hate anyone? only myself and myself only

61. How’s your heart? morbidly fine

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? yes

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? never

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Really don’t know

65. Are your toenails painted pink? i don’t use nailpolish

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? not interested in kissing anyone

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? I have no idea

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? nope

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? a friend of mine

70. How do you look right now? ugly

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? yes

72. Can you commit to one person? i feel suffocated to imagine it even

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? no

74. Have you ever felt replaced? yes

75. Did you wake up cranky? no

76. Are you a jealous person? no

77. Are relationships ever worth it? i don’t know cause i have no experience

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? no

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? no

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? help my mom to learn how to use the new electric oven

81. Last person you cried in front of? mom

82. Is there someone you will never forget? quite a few

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? I’ve no feelings for anybody 😅

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Yoongi? I’d faint

85. Are you over your past? i think i can never 🙃

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? never.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? no

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? i never had anyone like that

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? when i was a child i kissed my parents and that’s it 😶that was more than 16 years ago lol

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? never 😂😂😂

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? in my country there’s no chance to meet someone named like that

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? never 👀

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? I was in a dark place in January 🖕

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I didn’t like anybody in March

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? she’s beautiful

97. Who do you have texts from? mobile operator, banks and some friends

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? 🤷‍♀️

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? i never kissed anyone lol

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? my profile picture is Min Yoonji

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? never even if I’d the chance

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? honestly can’t remember

#thanks for tagging <3 #done!#i had to use my stupid pc for this #had to answer between no and never cause i'm an aro #so it's a bit annoying even

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ageofevermore · 4 years

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1-96

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

it’s a dual sliding door, so usually one sides open. but preferably, both doors are closed.

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

sometimes in the summer, not often though.

(3) Can You Whistle?

yes!

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

well for some reason there’s a guy on my TV singing God Bless The USA

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

purple

(6) Relationship Status.

single because my favorite omegle guy won’t answer me

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

48F / 9C

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

i woke up wishing i was still asleep

(9) How Many Followers?

835

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Sun: Capricorn, Rising: Aries, Moon: Aquarius

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

brown / hazel

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

obviously, i’m not completely insane

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

whatever fucking book my english class assigned...

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

i literally only have a text book by me and opening it is triggering

(16) Favourite Anime?

i don’t watch anime

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom...about greys anatomy...but still my mom about christmas and my birthday. i cry alot, but i like REALLY cried about those two topics

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

chapstick, trauma, candles

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

it’s only 10am and i haven’t even thought about breakfast

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

yes, and then my mom yells at me because i do nothing “subtly” and the entire car shakes

(21) Favourite Animal?

white siberian tigers, snow leopards, dolphins, and now elephants

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

unfortunately. i love gymnastics, but like, i’m not trying to watch men in toboggans and swim caps

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

anywhere between 12pm and 3am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

no, i never wear makeup because it makes me look more ugly

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

besides my friends i don’t really have a favorite blog, i stick to my circle and don’t venture very far

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled.

(28) What Makes You Happy?

i couldn’t tell you...

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

without, but i always start with it on. it never lasts more then two songs.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

a shade of purple from the crayola 200 pack

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

wii

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

hell mothering fucking year i do baby, lets take that train to hogwarts

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

its a friends pj crop, so black and white stripped with the central perks logo

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yup

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

save money

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

my cup

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

stranger things ig

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

no, those assholes scare me, but i’ve grown + released them

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

um chile, i would follow my best friend off a cliff with no hesitation

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the fucking time

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

ITS MY FAVORITE FORM OF TRAVEL

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

the hannah montana movie

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

one direction

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

yes

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

yes, but it takes me forever to fall asleep

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

yea, depends on the day and the level of scardy bitch i feel like being

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

i love both

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

hell yeah, let me feel the beat in my kidneys

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

no tears left to cry by ag

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

fall

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

a churro + peppermint mocha frap

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female (she/her)

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

iced coffee / sweet tea

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

yeah, i have environmental homework and US I homework and Algebra II homework

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

bruh, idk

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

no, that shit’s never made

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

jigglypuff

(64) Favourite Social Media?

pintrest

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

they’re okay

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

no. i don’t miss thins very easily, i’m away from home for a week and i have no doubt that i could spend the rest of my life without going back.

(67) Are You A Virgin?

yes sir

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

idk, some really thick and heavy in hydration set

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

sleep in my car, though both options scare me

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

i have a strained relationship with my bio dad, but unfortunately i still have to associate myself with him a few times a year

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

black widow or spiderman 3, but i’m willing to see anything just take me back!

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

i’ve never had an ex, but i do wish krystian would stop ignoring me. stupid scotland boys

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“friends dont lie”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

green / brown

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

i loved swinging, but a few years ago it started making me dizzy so i don’t swing very often anymore. but tire swings especially are my shit

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

chicken flavored ramen

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

yes

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

yeah...because they’re dying and if i have the skills to save them...why wouldn’t i?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

honey, i do full virtual high school. we stan a pandemic (we don’t)

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

social media stalker is my middle name. not anymore though, i haven’t been asked to find a boy in a while

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

no. i hate it. anxiety city man.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

i don’t wear rings, but i really want to.

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

woke up, watched stranger things, made ramen

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

whatever i fall asleep in.

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

are beauty and skincare the same? because i don’t own much makeup.

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

i used to be a night person. but this pandemic has hit hard with depression and i’ve become a stay in bed all day person

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

2048 balls, among us, ball sort puzzle, bubble shooter, bubble sort, color roll 3D, drag n merge, fit and squeeze, hole.io, mario kart, match 3D, nonogram.com, paint the cube, roof rails, solitare, spit, stacky dash, stair run, timber run...

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

After my moms fiance died, I had a dream that he was able to come see my fifth grade play (he died just before it happened) and when we were walking out he got into the white car from fast and furious (we watched the movies together) and said he would see me again soon, then he drove off...like talk about weird

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

rootbeer

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

i like a good clicking sound

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

sweats everyday all day

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

like a fucking wreck

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

netflix

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

i want a bunch of little symbols, and i think it would be cute if i got a T for my mom, but i can’t tell her that because she might think i’m going soft and exploit my show of affection (jfc why am i like this lmao)

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

colleen ballinger

#soapy tag #pink tag #ask game

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delectablyalicee · 5 years

Text

Nick Jonas’s New Assistant (Part 4)

Part One Part Two Part Three

You get a call one day, someone asking you to fill a personal assistant job. They give you little information as to who for, but when you found out, things get a little more interesting.

Note: This chapter takes place after you have already been working for Nick for 6 months, I wanted to jump ahead a little bit to move things along. I hope you all like it!

I fall down onto the huge, soft bed in front of me. Landing onto my back as I check the time. 3:34 am. The mattress moves a bit with the addition of another body beside me. Nick. His head is turned to see the time displayed across my phone screen.

"fuck, is it really that late?" He asks, the smell of alcohol hitting me as he speaks.

I probably smell the same. We went to an album release party tonight for one of Nick's friends, and we both had a few more drinks than expecting.

"It looks to be" I said, clicking my phone off and laying it down on the bed in between us.

This isn't the first time I've found myself in Nick's bed this late at night. I've been working for him for 6 months now, and things have gone so surprisingly well. We really work well together, having the perfect connection to really make sure this works. Over the 6 months we have grown pretty close, since we spend almost every single day together, but it is still a professional relationship. Nick is amazing, and handsome is an understatement, but this job is important to me, and I would never want to do anything to mess that up. So, despite getting close with him I need to make sure to keep it as professional as I can, but its hard, its really really hard. He's just so fucking charming! It also doesn't help that we've spent many a late night together, really getting to know each other. We've had so many 3am talks just about anything and everything. I really feel like I know him..like he knows me but every time things start to take a turn past professional I squash it. I don't want to but I need to. It's so hard every time I do, almost seeing the disappointment painted on Nick's face when I leave after the talks we have instead of staying like he asks, or telling him to stop his flirting comments. It pains me just as much as I think it pains him, but I can't let it get personal. I just can't.

This late night is like most others, except this time we are both drunk so are talk gets personal. I love personal talks with him. He just has so many amazing things to say, the way he thinks about some things is just surprising.. in a good way. It feels like we've been talking forever and I can barely keep my eyes open, but I don't want it to end...

"What time is it?" I ask Nick, sleep dripping from my words.

I feel him move a bit to click my phone on, it still being between us. "5"

My eyes open wide when I hear what he says. "Are you joking? Holy shit I have to go." I say as I sit myself up on the bed and going to slide myself off but I am stopped by a gentle hand grabbing my wrist, I look to see Nick.

"Don't go (y/n).. Just stay this once.."

His words send a shiver down my spine, I want to stay so bad, but I can't. I know I can't and he knows I can't, but the way he said that made me almost break. I want nothing more than to lay myself back down in this bed and let him wrap is arms around me and just pull me into his chest and keep me safe and warm and never let me go, but.. I can't. So I shake my head.

"Nick, don't do that to me.. you know I can't stay.. I'm sorry" I say as my feet hit the ground. Gathering up all my things and sliding out the door without saying another word.

In the morning I say my typical hello to George as he picks me up from my apartment, same as every morning. I'm dragging my feet a little this morning, not only being hungover but just simply tired since I really only slept for about 2 hours. George and I make our small talk on the way to Nick's house, checking the agenda for today. It's not too bad, thankfully. 9:30am meeting with Paul to go over scheduling add on's and changes. This is really a meeting for me, but Nick likes to be there so he at least kinda knows what going on. I move my eyes up to look at the time, 8:45. Running right on time. I continue to look at the schedule, lunch is open, we'll play that by ear. 6:30 dinner with the head of a local L.A. magazine to talk doing a spread, and lastly 9:00 Joe's birthday party. Fuck. I completely forgot about Joe's birthday. I hadn't gotten the chance to meet him yet, as he's been about on tour but Nick warned me how big this party was gonna be, which was him, in short, telling me to take the "company card" and get something nice to wear and a present to bring. Fuck, fuck, fuck I totally forgot. I take a deep breath, its okay I'll go over lunch and get what I need...hopefully.

When we reach Nick's house I say a goodbye and a thank you to George and head on inside. Starting the coffee pot up right away as usual and calling out Nick's name. Sometimes he surprises me with being awake, but usually he's still sound asleep. So, like usual I make my way up to Nick's room, knocking once before swinging the door open as I call out his name again.

"Niiiickkkk wakey-wak---"

You're cut off by the view of a girl, completely naked laying beside him in bed. He his covered by the blanket from the waste down but only her lower legs are being covered. I immediately lift my hands to cover my eyes in shock, my heart dropping. He had to have called her right after I left.. I know I shouldn't be this hurt by that but I am. I know he hooks up with girls, I mean why wouldn't he? Especially after I always shoot down his advances, plus he's single and famous and so, so attractive, but over the past 6 months he's always made sure the girls were gone before I got here. I think he knows it hurts me, but maybe he's just done trying to hide it, but I really didn't think after last night he would let me find him like this..

"Oh..I...I am so sorry I did not expect.."

You stammer out, but are cut off again, this time by Nicks voice.

"(y/n)? Shit! I'm sorry I didn't.. shit I'll be right down" He says, you can hear the regret and embarrassment ringing from every word that leaves his mouth.

I just stepped back and quickly shut the door. I dropped my hand from my eyes and took a small breathe.. why is this hurting me so bad? Ugh, I need to suck it up. I can't be with him anyway, he has every right to be with whoever he wants. With that I made my way downstairs and poured my coffee, as usual. Taking a seat at the breakfast bar and pretending to look over the schedule in my phone, but really I'm trying to listen to what is happening upstairs. I can't hear much, just muffled voices and then finally, the door to his bedroom opening. I hear Soft, delicate foot steps heading down the stairs, not Nicks. I can't see the girl since my back is to the stairs but I finally catch site of her as she passes in front of me to head out the front door. Her hair was disheveled and her clothes looked to be thrown on, fuck I hate this. I need to get myself out of his thing I have with him. I do everything I can to not egg on my feelings but I just can't help it, but its time. I need to stop this, now. I'm pulled out of my thoughts with the ding of my phone. Its a text from Nick

"Getting in the shower, be down soon...I'm sorry"

I ignore his sorry and type back quickly. "Paul will be here at 9:30 for the meeting." I take a deep breathe as I hit send. I can't let this get to me. I have a job to do.

#nickjonas #nickjonasxreader #nick Jonas x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #fallinginlove #love #fluff #jonas #jonasbrothers #Jonas brothers #Joe jonas #Kevin jonas #Frankie jonas

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thepilotanon · 4 years

Text

Prelude xxii

...to the next chapter {masterlist}

I’m really happy to finally post the last chapter of this fanfic and share with you all. I really appreciate how everyone has been patient with me, and I know I have been somewhat quiet - a lot of stuff has happened within the last months of 2019 into 2020, but I’m proud to think that I had the time to finally finish this. I really love Kylo and I have grown to really find confidence in the Nova character I summed up for {reader’s} to play. I hope you enjoy and will let me know what you’ve thought!!

warning: depiction of death/violence.

It’s 34 ABY, approximately six years since that day at the Palace.

Many things have changed and she adapted, yes, but some things remain the same.

For example, even after all these years of having to endure harsh elements, she found a lot of peace with the rain. Perhaps it was the smell it gave off, once it coats everything in sight, or the sound it makes when it collides with a surface, but there was always something peaceful about it to her. Sure, she had to survive in the rain; kill others and search for food on her own more than once in this very weather, but she still remained at peace once she finished with whatever she was doing and stood still to appreciate the change in weather.

The planet itself seemed to have more rainy days than sunny, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything else. It felt more freeing to have the rain and fresh air than being cooped up inside the Supremacy.

Still, even with the rain pelting on her opened palm, forming the littlest puddle in the center, entertaining her with the idea to see how much she could fit in one hand, she was bored. Nova had been stationed on this planet for roughly sixty-six cycles (according to the logs picked up from the Supremacy and transferred), and she was bored out of her mind. Her task of bringing the Knights of Ren to this planet to oversee reconditioning training of stormtroopers had gone quick, and the units were then shipped back out to their designated places...while her orders were to remain, and wait for the Supreme Leader’s next order.

It wasn’t difficult for Nova to train and retrain thousands upon thousands of helmeted soldiers, thanks to organizing the Knights to mentor in special sectors of the training facility that was built here. How they constructed just vast, huge buildings where it was completely dry inside was beyond Nova’s thoughts! She would get up, check her list of specific ‘troopers that had to be “fixed” as soon as possible, go and deal with the problems, make rounds for the Knights, and then she was done for the rest of the day. Nova was left to her own devices at that point, becoming highly ranked enough that she didn’t need any escorts or have anyone keep an eye on her from distracting droids, or other officers and ‘troopers while they were working. Whatever she asked for was given, and the upmost respect was offered with a bow of people’s heads and salutes...although she would constantly remind them that it wasn’t necessary.

Although, even if she was given whatever she wanted to eat, or another blanket to wrap herself in her bunk, it never took place of when she would spend time with her husband to feel at her most peace.

The last time she was able to communicate with Kylo through hologram communication, she learned that he was on the search to find out where the scavenger - Rey, she remembered learning her name - had found Luke Skywalker. Nova remembered learning how the bits of maps she and her then-newlywed husband had found at the Palace on Coruscant were salvaged pieces to where the ex-Jedi Master was seeking refuge, according to Snoke. She remembered how she learned about this Skywalker man was relevant to the First Order years back, and how it would involve Kylo. It was to be Kylo Ren’s duty to find Luke Skywalker, although not much was directly told in front of Nova…

However, remembering how Kylo would return to the Supremacy, beaten and exhausted, she was always the first to welcome him back with open arms in their secretly shared quarters. When he obtained the scar from his battle with Rey on the destroyed planet of Starkiller, she was the first to help him with the bacta patches before he left to lead a small fleet of TIEs to go and attack the Resistance near a planet called D’Qar…

He gave her a kiss good-bye and an assuring smile, promising he would return as soon as he could to show her the planet himself. It was right after that she was given the task by Snoke to go with the Knights to a planet with an extremely tongue-twisted name that she never bothered to remember.

Nova wanted to leave some sort of note of her own assurance to him, although not knowing how long she was going to be, and it was now proving to get on her nerves when her supposed Master hasn’t contacted her on his routine schedule for over a week. The Knights were bored, too, too tired of “babysitting” other units and training on blood-stained mats and worn down sparring staffs that broke way too easily with their grips and hits. Although, Nova broke her own share of hand-me-down equipment within this facility’s possession, she grew bored of training and decided to take her spare time outside to play with the rain or see what the droids were up to.

Releasing a grumbling noise, Nova dumped her hand to release the small amount of rainwater collected into her palm and brought her drenched arm back under the rafter outside the bunk she and the Knights were given to live in. Flexing her fingers, Nova stuffed her cold arm under her thermal sweater while rolling up her other sleeve. With her dry hand, Nova then stuck that one out and faced her palm upward and focused.

The rain surrounding her immediate position froze midair, slowly collecting together in a sphere-shaped orb above her palm. Using her abilities, she formed one large, water-filled orb and a collection of other ones in specific sizes; others were more jagged-shape, more rocky and hovered in their own crowd while the small spheres orbited the larger one. It remained calm for a minute or so, then morphed to a different amount of moons and main planets - all from memory and books and scrolls that she had looked at.

Vardos... Batuu... Ryloth... Florrum...

Resting her chin on the wooden railing, Nova kept listing off the planets she recalled learning by making them into water-formed examples, all while kicking her legs boredly and avoiding the rain by using the Force. She sensed someone coming her way, breaking into her hidden Force wall, nonthreatening and familiar, yet didn’t bother to halt her little enjoyment playing with the water.

It wasn’t until she heard a voice clearing their throat that she turned her head to see Hethrir, a Knight of Ren, helmetless and standing tall as he was taught, waiting for her.

“Madam Nova,” he spoke while she dispersed her collection of rain water, allowing the outdoor weather to soak her legs and outstretched arm again. “I apologize for disturbing you.”

Nova snorted with a grin. “You’re not doing anything wrong,” she told him. Knowing he wasn’t much for talking in comparison to the other Knights around her, she truly didn’t expect him to approach her by himself. “How are you doing, Hethrir?”

Looking away from her, ignoring her question, Hethrir took a moment to compose himself from embarrassment. Nova was gentle to slip into his thoughts, completely undetected, to see he was struggling a lot with communication, simply knowing how she is ranked in the Supreme Leader’s eyes. This made her frown, not liking how people treated her because of the tall humanoid creature…

“You are required in communication room number eight, Madam Nova,” he said, looking back to her with as much professionalism as he could. “You have a message from Supreme Leader Snoke.”

Frowning deeper, Nova pulled her limbs back under the coverage of the rafters and stood up. “He couldn’t wait to speak to me directly for you to find me?”

“It was a direct, pre-recorded message addressed to you, Madam,” Hethrir explained. “It’s a locked message, and no one else can open it. It’s addressed to you and only you.”

Making a face, Nova sighed and stretched her whole body. “Alright, I guess it can’t be helped. It must be requesting a follow-up about the stormtrooper units he wanted reconditioned.” Glancing once more back to Hethrir, Nova offered him a polite smile as she relaxed her muscles. “Thank you for coming to get me, Hethrir. Make sure you’re eating all the portions they give you, okay? I’ve noticed that your tray is the only one of the Knights that still has food leftover. It’s not good to waste it, even if it tastes gross - it helps you stay strong.”

“Yes, Madam.”

Well, she tried to strike a conversation with him. Perhaps another time. “And, take it easy today - it’s a great day to go play in the mud!”

xxx.

Entering the communication room, Nova was surprised to only find one officer standing by the hologram table that was typically used for major meetings between Nova, Snoke, Kylo, Hux and some other high-ranked officers and captains required presence. The officer was a small, thinly-shaped woman with curly blonde hair that was forced to straighten into a bun, green eyes and a dust of freckles; she jumped once Nova entered the room from the hiss of the door sliding open. Nova could sense she was just shy with anyone with an upper rank, which she was very used to, so she gave the woman a genuine smile and little wave.

“Hello,” she greeted the blonde officer, approaching her while she was struggling to pose properly for a salute. Nova was quick to ease her from tripping over her own feet. “It’s okay, you don’t need to do that when it’s just me. I’m told that there’s a message here that is addressed for me from Snoke?”

“Y-yes, Madam Nova,” the officer squeaked, nodding quickly. “It’s a confidential message for you only, but it’s programmed to only open when it’s just you present. I was just instructed to stay here until you came, so no one was tampering with it…”

Nova grinned and rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, majority of people here know I’m not the best for handling messages by myself. You must have been here when Hux was sending important videos to play for the units, right? Yes, I remember! You were there when I accidentally deleted them, instead to transfer, and I called him to have him resend it again. Oh, he was so mad, he looked like he was going red in the holograms. It was funny.”

The officer swallowed and looked down, and Nova softened as she approached the woman. “Thank you for watching out for me, but I know how to play the message from here. I promise I won’t be a problem,” she told her. The officer jumped and nodded, scurrying for the door and waiting for it to open for her to exit. “By the way, yes, Hux does import special Naboo shampoos and hair products. He’ll always say it’s given from standard shipments, but I’ve dug in his packages enough to know.”

She sensed the officer’s amusement spark in surprise, overpowering her shy nerves. The door finally opened and she tumbled out gracelessly, but Nova could tell that she was in much better spirits with her most popular gossip now resolved for her next canteen meeting with her colleagues. Nova knew she would most definitely hear about it from Hux, if she ever returned to the Supremacy with him remembering for that long, but it didn’t matter.

Stepping towards the communication table, Nova was about to bring up the inbox data under her name when a sudden scanning erupted - red coded lines scouted the room, making Nova halt in confusion. She didn’t recall ever needing to be scanned for confidential messages. She was used to voice-activations…

The holographic image of Snoke emerged from the table, his distorted image facing her as she recognized him sitting on his throne, hand on each armrest as she assumed he was waiting for whatever recording device to give him permission to speak.

“Nova,” Snoke announced, as if he was actually speaking to her in real time. She tilt her head as she took a step back with her hands on her hips. “State that you’re present and capable of understanding me, little one.”

An interactive message.

“I’m here and I understand,” she responded, emotionless towards him, out of instinct. This made his image smile and her want to twitch.

“If you are receiving this message from me, as of now,” the hologram went on, as if holding a usual Snoke-and-Nova meeting, “it means that I am dead.”

What?

An ugly twist in her gut made her exhale in shock and her eyes widen. The message went on accordingly. “This message was placed prior into the Supremacy system, using my tissue sample to keep track. Should I perish, this message automatically goes to wherever I had sent you, should you not be on the Supremacy.

“As it must pain you that the one who saved you from a life of slavery, all those years ago, has died, I must let you know that it was most possibly that I was slain,” Snoke continued, looking her way and seemed to watch her reaction, despite being a recording. “Fret not of my fate, my dear, brainless girl, for it’s not without success.”

Nova thought over as quick as possible of who or what could have killed Snoke - any possible natural causes, illnesses or possible assassins that snuck into the First Order (although it’s rare in the past few years). It didn’t make sense, especially when her last conversation with Snoke had been about how he was seeing improvement on his side, in the Supremacy.

It just didn’t make sense.

“As Supreme Leader, and your Master in teaching you the ways of the Force, I have carefully planned for the future to bring the First Order to win in this war against the wretched Resistance that aims to ruin everything we’ve built,” he explained. “This is my last Will and Testament, and I expect you, especially for all I’ve done for you, to fulfill my wishes.”

She recalled how Kylo was going to prove his worth to their Master, after failing to get Rey to join them. Nova remembered how Hux puffed his chest out and constantly reminded his assistance, and whenever she was around, how he gained Snoke’s favor in some tasks and planning he did. The higher-ranked officers and stormtroopers were adamant that they were enjoying serving in the First Order, since it had insurance sent to their families and they had decent breaks between shifts. Nova never sensed any sort of ill will from anyone aimed towards him - for murder, at least. It had to be a spy of some sort, but assassins were easily caught before they even reached the throne room.

“I am giving the role and title of Supreme Leader to you, as my last order.”

Nova felt her heart flop down to her stomach, horror dawning on her as she stared at the image of Snoke. “As you are empty-minded, for all the years I have trained you, you have shown immense power and strategy that I haven’t seen anywhere else in the galaxy. Not even Kylo Ren showed as much growth in the Force or leadership in properly obtaining control of a team and succeeding missions.”

He’s lying. This is wrong.

“I have thought of you highly, and, given with the fact that your history has influenced many, I can’t think of a better successor to the throne and leading the First Order to victory than you, my little Nova.” Nova watched as the hologram of Snoke rest easy against his chair, a satisfied smirk on his oddly arranged face. “There will be no denial that you will make galactic history, my dear. Take stride in this promotion, and honor my dying wish by -”

The whole communication table imploded in a snap. Wires sprout small bolts and panels folded like cloths so easily with her anger, feeling so disrespected from all the times Nova had claimed how she never wanted such attention from Snoke. Smoke bled out from the wreck as the emergency doors forced open to let the vents carry it out and outdoors; custodial droids were quick to roll in and extinguish the electrical fire she caused, beeping erratically and looking to Nova with a mechanic stare.

However, Nova couldn’t acknowledge them, her fists too tight and her temple throbbing from rage, she spun around and marched out whilst officers and technicians came to see what the commotion was about inside their designated space.

All she could think and sorry about was what went wrong? Was everyone alright aboard the Supremacy? Phasma? What about her husband? She hasn’t heard directly from him in weeks, so something must have happened.

The Supreme Leader of the First Order was dead, and it was apparent that the deceased leader wanted her to take his place.

Standing still in the hallway, feeling numb from the nose down, her brain overworking beyond and over the fasted computer, Nova stared ahead of her with no direction. She heard voices and noises around her, yet she didn’t pay any attention to it while she was trying to just process.

It wasn’t until a hand gently pressed against her arm that she snapped her head around with a menacing glare. Coming face-to-face with the same blonde officer trying to shrink herself from her sharpened eyes, Nova took a second to collect herself to at least soften her expression. Nova grabbed the officer’s wrist, before she could pull away and make a run for it, giving her a more solemn look.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, “I didn’t mean to look scary to you. I was just given big news, and I’m having some trouble registering it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Umm…” The officer scuffled her feet, still a little bit nervous about something.

Nova smiled, more honest this time. “Was there something you needed?”

“Uh, another message,” she responded. “It was just sent from the Supremacy, ma’am, to the head command center for the ‘troopers.”

‘It must be from Kylo or Hux, or even Phasma,’ Nova thought with a bit of hope. She mentally grasped onto that hope and held on tight. She nodded to the officer, allowing her to continue. ‘If the message was meant to be sent as soon as he died, then his corpse must have been found.’

“The Supreme Leader is requesting your return to the Supremacy, immediately, Madam Nova. He’s requesting for your presence from General Hux, and it sounds fairly urgent. The hangar has prepared a ship with the coordinates given from the main observation deck.” The officer swallowed quickly, trying to offer a smile back to her. “Uhm, I will go over the preparations for your luggage to be transported back to you on the Supremacy as soon as possible.”

Nova stood still, processing all over again with the newfound information given to her. She wasn’t too sure how long she was left there, but as soon as a stormtrooper came to her aid, to escort her to the hangar to board the small shuttle, she remained confused and thinking over and over. Is Snoke really dead, or was there a malfunction with the system sending her that message by accident? It was extremely rare for First Order technology to act up that way - especially with actual DNA involved - but that bit didn’t bother her as much. If Snoke sees how that particular message was sent to her on accident, Nova was sure that there would be a lot of finger pointing and easily some punishment. And, again, that wasn’t bothersome to Nova.

What was really bothering her, was what Snoke was planning on doing with his death.

Being escorted properly into the shuttle by the ‘trooper, Nova took a deep, calming breath while the ramp closed, mentally preparing herself to have a long talk with her mentor.

xxx.

Hux was the first and only person present for her arrival, in the midst of what Nova could only describe as a chaotic mess. The hangar itself was a wreck; AT-AT Walkers were either knocked over or completely destroyed, clutters of metal and debris piled by sanitation ‘troopers and actual flames being put out. There were huge gaps on the ground, and Nova watched a couple stormtroopers nearly fall in before their companions would grab them by their uniform armor to yank them back to safety. Droids (or what would be left of them on their wheels) scurried like frightened tip-yips, not even stopping when they bumped into Nova’s foot like they usually tend to do. Nova sensed stress clouding over everyone’s best judgement, and irritating and fear radiating off of the General. Sure, she has seen wreckage and destruction at its finest, but this was not how the First Order presented itself with one of its grand Star Destroyers, even when they were flying in the middle of a battle.

Nova was about to open her mouth, to ask the question of ‘what the hell happened?’, until Hux grabbed her by her upper arm and dragged her away to the lift. “That ship was too slow, curse those mechanics for not being fast enough - damn communications, all this rubbish!”

Forcing her into the elevator, Hux punched the panel to direct them to the level of the throne room. Nova wiggled her arm a bit to try and get him to lighten his grip on her arm. “Hux,” she warned.

“Then, thinking he can choke me when I was gonna say it, that damn rodent,” he went on, the images in his head nothing but flashing lights with no coherent images or shapes. Nova tried again by swinging her arm, calling his name a little more loud. It failed. “Then, threatening me to come get brainless brat back from who-bloody-knows-where, not -!”

“Hux!” Nova snapped sharply, using her other arm to grab General Hux’s wrist, twisting it hard to the point that the redhead choked on his own spit as she pulled his arm under and behind his back. She pressed harder on his pulse points, digging into the pale flesh as he stomped his foot and shouted at her. “What the hell happened here? Everything looks like it’s falling apart!”

“Those damn Resistance scum, that’s what the hell happened! Drove their abandoned cruiser into hyperspace right into us! Casualties are piling up and people are losing their minds without proper order here, yet I’m instructed first to bring you back here, like some kind of errand boy!” Hux yelled back at her. Yet, seeing how Nova wasn’t faltering or shrinking herself away from his bewildered behavior, he stood with bated breaths with his slicked hair sticking to his face.

Wincing again at the pinch on his wrist, Hux struggled to get out of her strong grasp, as if she was really a restraint rather than human. “Let go of me, you damn woman!” he snapped.

Nova did so with grace, watching as he tumbled back against the wall of the lift and caught himself. “Was there a battle? Where is Phasma? What about Kylo?”

“Haven’t heard anything from the Captain yet. Everyone is everywhere, as far as I’m concerned,” he responded bitterly. “Can’t even find my usual officers to see if they can get the main deck under control. Since we got into this bloody system, it’s nothing but an absolute mess.”

“Where are we?” Nova made sure to keep her voice level, just to let him think that she would grab at him again, if he went off course again. Watching him drag his hand down his face, she tilt her head, at least trying to be patient.

“Crait system. Went on the planet, just came back and everything is still a chaotic mess.” Nova could easily tell that the man was running on fumes at this point, his usually put-to-order thoughts completely wrecked with images of explosions, the firing squad, Kylo going against an older man right in between the First Order fleet and a sort of fortress built against a rocky wall -

“Where is Kylo?” Nova demanded, accidentally sending a painful pinch to the General’s brow. Hux hissed at the pressure and rubbed the spot, but surprisingly didn’t chew her out for it. “He went against that Skywalker man. What happened?”

“You know that you can just ask him yourself,” Hux grumbled as the lift came to a halt. Once the door slid open, Hux rolled out of the elevator and Nova was quick to follow him into the throne room. “If you can actually get something out of him.”

What was always a clean, shined and plainly decorated throne room was now what Nova could recall her past slave owner’s homes after an overnight party with too much alcohol. Shattered metal and glass littered the floor, burn marks over the rugs and bits and pieces of armor were absolutely everywhere on the scratched tiles. Nova didn’t react much as she saw the remains of the Praetorian Guards pushed into a heap in one corner of the room, where a cleaning droid was pushing a decapitated limb over to join the collection.

However, Nova did do a second glance at the sight of familiar, gold-embroidered clothes sticking out from the very bottom.

Looking down the aisle that lead to the throne, Nova stopped in her track with Hux standing a few feet behind her at the sight of Kylo’s back kneeled to the bottom of the empty throne. Smiling in relief, Nova felt her heart finally go to ease at sensing his strong heartbeat and lungs working as they should. He was alive, and that was enough to soothe the worst of her worries for now.

“Kylo!” she called to him, smiling so big and happy to see him.

He didn’t respond, remaining unmoving.

“He’s been like this ever since we’ve returned from Crait,” Hux explained. Nova slipped back a moment to see the memory of both him and her secret-husband returning into the throne room and how Kylo continued on until he came to the bottom of the stairs to the throne…

And Snoke’s dead body still sprawled on the floor of his great chair.

Nova watched Hux swallow and wait a moment, waiting for Kylo to do or say something. When it didn’t happen, the redhead cleared his throat. “What would you desire first, in order of repairs, Supreme Leader?”

“Get me Nova. Immediately.”

“Kylo?” Nova called out to him again, a bit more nervous at the sensation of a thousand voices overwhelming him in his head. The haze between Hux’s memory and the present bleeding together until falling apart, and Nova couldn’t help but take a deep breath by how powerful those many, many voices are, piling on top of his shoulders. Not even her own Force wall seemed to be doing anything to help him calm down, and it made Nova feel like there was an outside presence pestering and pushing onto him and under his skin.

“Kylo!” Nova shouted this time, trying to be louder than those many voices bugging him.

Hux, in the little sliver of help, took one step towards her. “Look, maybe he needs to have some space. Everything is out of order, and there’s a lot I can probably use your help wi -!”

“HUSBAND!”

Everything went mute. The voices disappeared altogether and Hux’s mouth snapped shut over the echo of Nova’s scream while Kylo whipped his head around. His eyes wide, exhausted - face drained of any healthy care that Nova knew him to be pretty focused on personal hygiene, and she felt herself already marching her way over. Kylo was then quick to stand on his feet, albeit stumbling to find his ground, and run the rest of the way with the remaining space. He was quick to wrap his strong arms around her body and lift her into his embrace, burying his face into her shoulder as hard as possible, releasing a shuddering breath.

“You’re back,” he groaned sorely against her. “You’re back.”

“I’m home.” Threading her fingers through his dark hair, Nova hugged him back as tight as she could to try and equal it out, just to let him know that she’s in his arms and will not disappear on him. Becoming overwhelmed with emotions from both him and within the back of her head, she felt her eyes swell with tears as it all connected to her.

Snoke was truly dead.

“I’m home, Kylo,” she whispered softly, feeling him move to kiss her neck and clinging to her like his life depended on it. He showed her everything that happened since they were separated, from encountering his mother’s presence while flying his TIE, creating a Force Bond with the Rey girl, to facing Snoke, the Praetorian Guards and then Skywalker…

Kylo claimed that it was the Rey girl who murdered Snoke to Hux, and claimed the throne as his own. Nova shut her eyes and clung to him.

“I’m home, husband. I missed you so much.”

“I swear I was losing my sanity each day without you,” Kylo confessed, his voice angry and tired and just wanting for it all to stop. “I want this war to end now.”

Slowly, gently, Nova took his face into her hands and brought his gaze to lock with hers. Despite her teary eyes, her nose starting to drip and wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms and lock them both away in their quarters (if it was still there), she knew that now wasn’t the time. Smiling to him, seeing him still reluctant from all that he showed her, Nova no longer resisted to bop her nose against his, ignoring the spike of shock emitting from Hux behind her. Kylo simply blinked in response, keeping his attention to her and only her. Nova wanted to tell him everything she went through, to distract him for the most part, but also tell him what the secret message the previous Supreme Leader sent her and his last command to her.

No, now wasn’t the time.

“Start by helping put the Supremacy back in order, husband,” she told him. “Let me help you.”

Kylo watched her, listening intently while his hands pulled her even closer to him to the point that their chests were pressed together. He leaned his cheek into her palm when her thumbs stroked his skin, closing his eyes for a moment. When he reopened them, there was a newly lit fire within them when he let out a breath.

“General Hux,” Kylo called, voice strong and sure. “Contact Captain Yago to establish control in the lower half of the decks. You’ll take the upper half, and begin communications to the nearest allied planet for docking and repairs; start with setting all the mechanics and engineers onboard to set up protective shields to the damaged cut of the ship to keep it together until then.”

Nova turned her head to see Hux twitch, attempt to regulate his breathing. She could hear his thoughts of how he was still adjusting to Kylo taking the role of Supreme Leader, but the previous encounter of being choked by the Force kept him quiet about that. Hux nodded before speaking.

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

They made eye contact, Nova in Kylo’s arms while he kept himself standing. Nova was aware of Hux knowing that she was reading him and his deep thoughts, about Kylo’s new title claim, their marriage, yet he calmed down immensely when she leaned her head against her husband’s heartbeat. It was going to take a while for the General to understand the how, when and why, but he...appreciated how she was taking charge in consoling and keeping tame to Kylo’s temper.

There was a mutual understanding (albeit lacking friendliness, but Nova didn’t care about that), as Hux turned around and stalked to the exit, ready to take on his duties.

Feeling Kylo kiss the top of her head, Nova turned to look up to him as he began tracing details of her face with his gloved fingers. After being physically separated for so long, she melt into his chest with an honest smile and allowed him to hold her and touch and kiss her face all he wanted. Being patient enough, she was eventually rewarded with a kiss to her lips, which both of them sighed in relief at the first touch. It was sweet and made the galaxy so much more bearable for the both of them.

Breaking the kiss with only minimal distance between them, Nova happily nudged her nose against his, feeling blissful at feeling his lips pull back with a small, hidden smile and the rise of his heartbeat.

“I have to tell you what I’ve seen, before coming back,” she whispered to him, showing the image of Snoke’s hologram from the communication’s meeting room, but nothing else. Kylo wouldn’t push for more, knowing him and how he behaved with her. But, she did mention, in their hidden connection, that it was a post-mortem message, as it was vital at this point. Kylo made a disturbed face but soon smoothed his features once Nova massaged the back of his neck.

Nodding, Kylo turned his face back into her neck and took a deep breath. “Alright. In a while, my love,” he announced with the pet name without abandon, making her chest flutter. “As you’ve said, I need to start bring order back…I just need to hold you for a few more moments.”

Since he wasn’t pushing her for more information, Nova didn’t want to push on him. Even with his calming body against her and his big hands holding her with extreme gentleness, she could he was still paranoid of numerous things - of everything. It was giving him a headache, she knew, and looked at him with a slight worried pout. His eyes locked with hers.

“Please,” he pleaded.

“Okay.”

One of his gloved hands held her cheek, treating her like beloved treasure, then carefully cradling the back of her head to bring it to his chest. She held him as tight as she could, just because she now could and she was truly happy to be back with him again, feeling at home. His breathing calm, Nova turned her head to the side to see the cleaning droid halting in its place as it began signaling the larger ones to come and help with carrying the bodies out. Since being pulled into her husband’s hold, she honestly almost forgot about the dead Elites and Snoke’s own corpse hidden underneath. A part of her wondered if she should have felt ashamed of that, but then realized...that she didn’t really care anymore.

She didn’t care about Snoke’s death. Rather, she was rather glad that he was finally gone.

Snuggling her face against where his heart was, Nova smiled when his hand wrapped around her back rubbed gently up and down her spine.

“Now, I can continue to work to make the galaxy a better place for you, Nova,” he told her with pride, catching her attention again when he smiled at her. Bending his head to kiss her forehead, he nuzzled her hairline affectionately. “I don’t need Rey to help me bring order and peace to the galaxy for you. I’ll do it.”

Kylo knew how she didn’t want power, how she didn’t want to do anything where she would feel like she was in control of anyone’s life. Kylo always took control for her when it came to ordering people around, whenever she would just look his way and didn’t want to lead an army. She would much rather guide and suggest to others, to ensure their survival over anything, than be given power over those who were below her. She didn’t believe in treating others in ranks, rather just wanting to be at peace with the ones she’s meant to work with, and Kylo was the one who understood that. Hux never did, Phasma simply never questioned it, and Snoke only reprimanded her verbally to stand and ‘take her place’...

The only place Nova ever wanted was to be by her husband’s side, and now she can.

Tightening her arms around Kylo, Nova smiled against him in the middle of the wrecked throne room that will no doubt be cleaned of bodies and debris, rebuilt to a more suitable taste - Kylo’s taste, and maybe let her help decorate - and have better memories for the both of them. The future was set by her husband for a better galaxy, just because he wants it for her.

“Thank you.”

Fun Fact: I am told...that Endorian tip-yips are SW universe’s equivalent of chickens, and I love them.

taglist: @ayatimascd @ymariejp @yippee-ki-yay-motherfucker460 @formerly-anonhamster @rosalynbair @redhairedfeistynerd @imyourdreamwife @kyloxfem @goth-pigeon @renthusiast

And, we are officially done with ‘Prelude’! I really, really appreciate everyone who has supported me since I started this fanfic, even if I’ve been very slow with updating and missing my goal to finish it right before tRoS came out. Despite the ending of the New Trilogy, I do plan on writing more Kylo x Nova/reader content, and a sequel to ‘Prelude’, once I’ve seen the film for myself!

Since I am advised not to see the film in theaters, any form of a sequel will probably take a while, until I get my own copy. I would like to write my own ‘version’ of tRoS, but I would at least like to see it completely before taking matters into my own hands and using Nova/reader as an important role!

Thank you for sticking with me so patiently, and I truly hope you have enjoyed your adventure playing as Nova. I hope to hear from you, either as a comment or opinion of what you thought of ‘Prelude’, and I hope to see you next time!

Lots of love - Kat

#pilotanonwrites #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #preludekylofic #reader insert #oc/reader insert

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