#I have like a billion thoughts abt things they could do with that or simply imply with it but thats just me fantasizing

[arolesbianism]

Funn oddity, both Ellie and Travaldo have the last name Jones. Idk if they're siblings or if it's just a coincidence, but a fun thing nonetheless

[unproduciblesmackdown]

as "let's see if will roland's birthday prompts any billions production clues from posts castmates may make about it" continues to yield "no one's posting about it, while some castmates post about other people's birthdays," already having more thoughts abt [i'm sure he'll show up in at least one episode even if only to be written out] type things like:

a) would be insulting if winston is fired to serve a subplot about philip and taylor having some difficulty in finding their footing re: working together as coheads, like, we're good at anticassandraing things and have gone "lol what if philip & taylor disagreed abt quants in that philip preferred winston. which he feasibly could," so what if instead it's philip arguing that winston should be fired to streamline things or because everyone who's not taylor will want him gone b/c they dislike him, and in learning how to successfully work together, taylor's like well alright. like, don't pit these elements against each other the insult is instead just Anyone, higher ups or lower downs, wanting winston gone b/c they dislike him, so he's fired

b) winston getting bullied by anyone or everyone is seen as him distracting them &/or provoking it with his presence, so he's fired winston being friends w/tuk is seen as a bad influence of loserdom on the latter (or distraction, or annoying, or w/e) so he's fired some Problem that needs solving or otherwise some need to fire Some people that really doesn't have much to do with him gets him fired anyways. like 5x05 all over again, isn't it always. or even if he's particularly involved in some problem you know it'd be something other people could get away with just fine. see:

c) what's even "a problem" like that despite everyone being in a hostile workplace, winston is especially, and we're so graced with dollar bill back on the premises who has already harassed and threatened and assaulted him (not only limiting the lattermost to something like "did he hit you, and like, closed fist, and i mean pretty hard. well that's just what he's like, you're fine." or the way like sabotaging a toilet is just epic pranks and only a problem if something looks bad to theoretical investors and we should talk about what tmc people might be doing to deserve it) while rian has been holding down the fort bullying and using winston. perfectly in line with everything if this kind of thing prompting any hostility in turn is like, nobody blinks at the other stuff, wherein if anything everyone keeps trying to fix dollar bill's feelings for him and talk about how who he's being awful to needs to appease him asap, and rian simply Wanting to use winston as a chew toy is just taken in stride while separately people have already been motivated by theoretically looking out for her / supporting her in various ways as well. whereas if winston Acts like he regards her as a hostile party, which she is, rather than seeming to operate in good faith that they can have regular constructive basic respect interactions, which he does while those decent interactions seem to come through rarely and unreliably, then i'm sure he'd be seen as mean / starting shit / out of line / etc, especially when it seems him Disrespecting the Rules & Social Hierarchy that should disallow him from like, speaking unless it's to self-flagellate, means people see him as aggressive or whatever. basically the classic scenario like, kid's bullied at school, they're supposed to just ignore it or it's otherwise "not that bad" / stuff gotten away with, even if supposedly it's like well just tell an authority figure here, that won't/doesn't work, any resulting obvious tension/dislike between the kid and whoever is like "uh oh, a Both Sides problem" at best, same if there's a physical fight or something or else it's like well That was unacceptable and if it was initiated by Your reaction to all other kinds of terrible treatment for however long, you're the problem. not that i expect winston to throw a punch about it, but, figuratively / parallel to this scenario

d) winston is sick of his deluxe hostile environment, doesn't actually like whatever coheading changes, sick of rian and/or dollar bill specifically, and/or doesn't appreciate some other goings-on, like one that results in him even being threatened with firing, and gets to just quit as has regularly seemed like something he might want to do anyways since 4x11 and intermittently on

e) not really another Way to imagine they kick him out but was thinking how like, Is a reason we're shown that taylor and rian hugging in the middle of an office was seen by i guess winston alone gonna be further relevant at all and about him making anything of it, which, he really couldn't possibly be wrong about any inferences. but going :/ at the taylor and rian dynamic just as a spontaneous, contained event would be self-explanatory too. but had the thought of like, maybe it's all "well taylor's been here 5 seasons and is in a more prominent position than last season, throw a PR problem at them for the first time for real, just as a shakeup / something that throws them off" wherein like winston wouldn't even have to be there to be cited in something like yeah i was fired or quit or whatever else and my former boss is dating an employee i think. or seems to have a real personal preference for them if not personal somethingship. which is true lmfao like? even if winston ""wrongly"" assumes they're dating like "oh sorry these claims are ridiculous, i only proposed as much to this employee who i already was informally mentoring and do favor such that she was promoted offscreen after like half a season to be able to make trades and this only came up when her using that capacity to do some shit she could've been fired for had me like 'but i'll take the heat for it' b/c any feeling that i'd wanna fire you is worth working through as a personal problem, and that employee turned me down not only just b/c apparently dating through work is too much (but not hooking up through work) but because she's afraid of how much she could love me, and now we're further personal somethings or who even knows what's ever been going on and so who can say if we were supposed to have fully closed the door on dating or not, even." wherein like....someone then doing further research consulting with every named tmc employee, in this hypothetical (and ignoring any hypothetical new, named/dialogued hires) scenario all now Former employees except rian who clearly won't have been firedor quit at the start of season 7, b/c yknow god forbid lmao....like, oh i'm taylor's best friend so no comment except that when i'm mad at them i'll apparently say that i always thought they inhumanly don't have feelings and all, very helpful. then there's like, oh yeah i was taylor's employee and dated them until business misalignments lead to a less than ideal breakup, and then kind of an aftershock of that for fun i guess. and then yeah i was also taylor's employee and knew they were dating another employee and i disapproved if only b/c i told them it could look bad but then also one of the reasons leading up to my quitting was having difficulty getting in touch with them while the other employee lived with them at least part of the time and i didn't seem to be a fan of that bonus access re: discussing business getting in the way of the formal structure / chain of command or whatever at work as well which is part of what i was already there to file a complaint over, so....even just the "it does look bad / people do think you leverage status for access to sex through employees" like no but that's My boss though. but also just that yeah taylor has at least tried to date employees twice, and their personal preference does affect professional matters, though that's also just like, pick any place of work and any slice of it, may not be a meritocracy after all versus how much it matters that some people are popular and/or liked by the right people while others can be recognized as Good Employees on paper but be left where they are or antagonized by peers or higher ups b/c of "failing" at the popularity contest aspect. and this could just be some new Kind of problem for taylor, and/or their just having to question themself more. or else go "ugh leave it to winston" and shrug it off once whatever's smoothed over.

f) winston isn't fully written off but rather it's something zany like, the twist is dollar bill coming back (god forbid he didn't either) while mafee, who evidently sees taylor outside work despite it all, is like eh we'll get dinners sometimes too, and does not likewise return despite saying he's the one who'd consider it. winston, being fired, or having quit, or just being unhappy w/things enough to consider it, is like well you're kind of regular at me sometimes and can't yell at me abt loyalty to taylor if neither of us work for them and you have weird confusing ideas about how they should be loyal to you if anything, and i can do the work of 50 phds, and i know you don't know shit abt the math and quanting but if you just leave it up to me entirely, that's pretty much been my work experience thus far anyways. then he'd be filming on different sets, possibly more rarely, and also dan soder has been likewise elusive but is also on site on the two even vaguely or implicitly [s7 production] related pics will's turned up in.

g) idk billions feel free to prank us where once again between seasons we worry winston could be written off but then he isn't, but elusivity paired with suddenly now castmates w/no mention of him for [march 5th] and [we are doing any bday acknowledgments] overlaps that otherwise get posts, especially. weird even if he Was written out in ep one but okay then

[throughtrialbyfire]

"infodump abt ur ocs" you say?

I'm sorry in advance, you've just opened yourself up to being my sounding board for all the stupid thoughts I keep having about my dumb little stories.

--If Ardwe made one slightly different decision and raised Antoriel herself, she would die worse in an even more miserable place, at the hands of the same person. Their relationship would be so hot-and-cold and Antoriel so emotionally unstable having to deal with her untreated mental illness, she wouldn't even know it was a possibility with a knife to her neck. She would find that to be a normal Fridas evening until it was far, FAR too late.

--If Sigvi's mother had made one slightly different decision and stuck out her marriage instead of leaving, Avalanche would have never happened. Sigvi would have never decided to study restoration magic, and she would have far less pity for an enemy. She would have left Antoriel at the foot of the mountain to die, she wouldn't have even done him the kindness of killing him off the rest of the way.

--If both those mothers made those differing decisions, Avalanche would have kicked off with Ardwe getting the axe and Antoriel fleeing into the Rift to meet Sigvi. Mannior would be the main "antagonist" hunting them down for most of it, but it would turn out he wasn't doing so to turn anyone in, he's also in some very hot water, and can't operate without someone who has a backbone propping him upright. He just wants Antoriel to be his stand-in self worth, given Antoriel has plenty to go around.

The real problem would actually be Sigvi's brother who was a character I cut outside of a brief mention in Avalanche. He joined the Empire where Sigvi (and her two other brothers) would side with the Stormcloaks. He wouldn't be evil, he'd just be pressured into compliance after the Thalmor realized the family history.

--If Mannior finds a way to survive after the conclusion of "Ardwe" don't expect to ever hear from him again. No matter how thrilling a tale you might think it would be to hear of his escape from consequences, I assure you, it is not. He's not going to reflect on his behavior, he's not going to uphold his current beliefs if it creates any amount of conflict for him wherever he goes, he's not even going to spend money on interesting things. He is an unseasoned boiled potato of a person, and I pity him the most of all my characters.

--If I could go back in time, I would try harder to fit in my "Orcs working the debt to society off through military conscription" arch instead of plopping them in at the end of Avalanche like I did. Ushra was supposed to be more of a foil to Ardwe to show she isn't without positive traits at all, and I would have set up an emotional expectation via Garlub for people who had previously read Avalanche that would have made Mannior feel all the more pathetic for anyone coming back to read "Ardwe"... If that makes any sense.

--If Antoriel didn't decide to fight Ardwe at the end of Avalanche, Anja would have still been born. And if I was unsure I wanted her gone, I would have explored what pregnancy does to magicka reserves and use simply because I find the idea of hormones interacting with magicka to be a fascinating thought experiment, and pregnancy is one of the most wild (temporary) hormonal fluctuations a person could go through. I think it would make someone's access to magicka go into crazy extremes one way or the other and make using it very dangerous, for the record.

--I hate trying to come up with Altmer names, and always have. Deciding to write a Thalmor fic wasn't the biggest mistake I've ever made, but it certainly felt that way when I had to come up with a billion Altmer names for it.

I've had more pointless thoughts nobody has asked me for, but I have forgotten them. I hope this distracts you, as confusing as it probably is.

SHAKING YOU. never apologize for rambling!! i love when ppl ramble at me, it's always welcomed here!!

do you know how much i love the butterfly effect of "this decision caused a billion other consequences/decisions leading up to one big consequence" concept. it's literally one of my favorite things and this is SO fucking cool.

"He is an unseasoned boiled potato of a person, and I pity him the most of all my characters." i love that so much, i have several characters who can be summarized by the mantra of, "i will never change, i will never improve, that is a promise". i think it can actually make for an interesting character, knowing that they aren't going to change, no matter the circumstances or their escapes from circumstances, and what that does to them or the situations they land in afterwards.

parents making decisions that echo down to their children is something i love seeing. the consequences of family decisions, trauma, or just "what if this went differently" is always a thrilling thought experiment when writing or coming up with new directions to take stories!! i'm hoping to incorporate a bit of that into how i write athenath's relationship with his mother, whatever tiny strain of their relationship remains.

i'm shaking your hand on the whole "if i could go back in time and change this detail". i wanted to incorporate emeros being a hunter and skilled at skinning animals/tanning hide, as it's very important down the line, but i couldn't figure out how, so random wolf event happened. it's the way it goes when you're writing, and all you can do really is work with it the best you can! i understand entirely, wanting to set up an emotional payoff you feel would have been better than what happened is such a real experience aughhhhh

ohhhh i love the idea of hormones having an effect on magicka reserves/magic in general! that's such an interesting concept to play around with, especially with the idea of it becoming very dangerous. that lends itself to all sorts of ideas on what aldmeri/bosmeri/dunmeri pregnancy would be like, or any situation where hormones were involved, such as transitioning or hormonal disorders, or even puberty and how that would impact magicka for someone!

relatable, making fantasy names can be such a nightmare, and knowing there's such a huge amount of already canon altmer names can be so exhausting because it's as though all options are taken. it's a challenge for sure, and i'm always impressed when people have a bunch of altmer ocs!!

i'm eating all of this up, i love reading about people's ocs and i'm always always down for infodumping!! thank you for sending this!!

[writeyouin]

May i request idw megatron and reader chillin and vibing in a flower field talking abt their lives.

Megatron X Reader – Among the Wildflowers

A/N – Things were very hectic here recently, and I suddenly have a lot going on in my life, so I’m glad that I finally got the chance to get some writing done, starting with this drabble.  

Warnings – None,

Rating – T

Your ran your fingers through the flowers, laying among them in the warm sunlight. You savoured every scent, the sun’s sweet kiss upon your skin, the bird song in the air, and the light breeze that played with your hair, all too aware that you would soon have to return to the ship, though it would be sad to do so.

Heavy footsteps alerted you to a presence and you lazily opened one eye to find Megatron in front of you.

He grimaced, “My apologies, I did not mean to disturb you.”

You push yourself up, resting on your forearms, “You’re not disturbing me. Did you come to see the wild flowers too?”

“I did, but I can leave if you wish it of me.”

You wondered how many other places Megatron had been shunned from before reaching you.

“Stay if you’d like,” You offered nonchalantly, laying back down. “I wouldn’t mind some company.”

Megatron sat down stiffly nearby, making an attempt at socially acceptable small-talk, painfully aware that he had no talent in such conversation, “…I suppose this reminds you somewhat of your own planet.”

“Somewhat,” You agreed amiably, even though your hideous planet with its toxic fumes and lack of natural habitats outside of actual reserves paled in comparison.

Megatron fell silent, his small-talk depleted. You cracked one eye open again, peeking at him curiously. He was silently tapping away on his data-pad, evidently writing something. Occasionally, he would pause to look at the surrounding scenery.

“What are you writing?”

Megatron looked uncomfortable, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer; having been the instigator of the small-talk, he decided that he was obligated to answer.

“Sun on the flowers,

Warming everything here.

Could I do the same?”

He recited his newly composed poem, waiting forlornly for the usual mocking that followed.

“Nice haiku,” You praised. “Hmm, let me try.”

You took a moment to consider the self-imposed challenge, before reciting your own haiku.

“Red optics that glow,

Worrying over the past.

Tell me your story.”

Megatron was taken aback by the quickly constructed poem about him. “I-” He faltered. “I am not comfortable speaking of my history. Please, do not ask it of me.”

“Okay,” You shrugged, unperturbed by his request. Honestly, if you had been responsible for the deaths of countless billions, you wouldn’t wish to speak of it either. Megatron’s history was long and complicated, and if he wished to forget about it, surrounded by nature’s warm embrace, he should be allowed that small reprieve.

“How about you tell me about your poetry instead?” You asked, catering the conversation towards his interests, so that he might learn that you only wished to be his friend.

With relief that was almost palpable, Megatron dove into the subject, asking you of Earth’s greatest poets and then comparing them to those of a Cybertron long gone.

As the time passed, Megatron found that he had somehow drifted off the subject of poetry and literature, and instead he was asking you about your own life, since he refused to speak of his.

Although you claimed your life on Earth had been dull, Megatron found it fascinating, or rather, he found you fascinating. He wondered whether all humans were so interesting. It was regrettable that he had spent so much time on Earth without trying to ever learn of its inhabitants; how closed-minded he had once been.

While you spoke, Megatron found his processor whirring with words struggling to surface.

He suddenly felt like he could compose a thousand poems, limericks, and songs about your life, your interests, your eyes… Your lips, soft and full as they were. Megatron ignored the unwarranted thought that betrayed his inner-most desires. You had welcomed his company, not his advances, and so he made a silent pact. He would be your friend, should you allow it, and as your friend he would converse with you regularly, learn everything he could about you, but most of all, he would protect you from any danger that might ever arise to one so vulnerable.

It was the least he could do. Until then however, Megatron would simply enjoy lying with you, among the wildflowers.

Like my work? Buy me a coffee and earn preview of the next fic, or commission me on the commissions page.

[frecklystars]

(Oh also sorry I always spam you but!! I got a new f/o recently and he’s been helping me with my transition to college and making me feel better abt a lot of things!! I like to imagine he’s here with me and comforting me, even if I feel a bit silly abt it! Anywaysss!! I ALSO FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU AND MEGATRON AND THATS OKE OF MY FAVE DYNAMICS BETWEEN YOUR SHIPS SO YEAH OKAY BYE!!) 💞💘

OH HONEY YOU COULD SEND ME 50 BILLION MESSAGES IN THE SPAN OF TWO MINUTES AND I WOULD READ THEM ALL EXCITEDLY LIKE A CARTOON DAD PULLING UP THE MORNING PAPER WHILE SIPPING HIS COFFEE AND PUTTING HIS FEET ON THE CHECKERED BREAKFAST TABLE 💘💘💘

ALSO!!!!! CONGRATS ON THE NEW F/O!!!!! HECK YEAH BROSKII!!!! :D THAT'S SO AWESOME!!!! I'm so glad that he's able to help you!!! I am a firm believer that using fiction is always an excellent and healthy source of comfort!! Especially when you have a special connection with your favorite character, it just feels... so nice, you know? Like, it's just so much easier to get through the day. And you never have to worry about feelin' silly about it; no need to feel embarrassed for simply feeling loved! 💖🥰💕🌟✨ Though I totally understand the passing thought of "oh no ah hm this feels Silly", I used to feel that way a bit too; don't worry, if you ever think "oh no, is this too self indulgent?" your pal Keri's got you. I will always be more Cringe™ than anyone on this planet. I will take all of the Cringe™ so others may freely self insert/self ship without a care in the world. You have fun, sweetness, you live your best life!!

And THANK YOU!!! :D That's so sweet that you enjoy my self ship content!! I think the MegaKeri dynamic is... WILD, and honestly, it's one of my most fun ships to daydream about. Megatron's character as a whole drives me completely crazy in the best and worst way. I've never, never had a F/O like Megatron before, and I think that's why it's so fun for me to indulge in this kind of dynamic!

All of my F/Os, even the villains, are very sappy and there's endless I-love-yous and all kinds of endless devotion stuff - which is fun! It's fun, it's nice, I enjoy it immensely - but Megatron?? A whole different level. I don't think that ship is ever going to reach a point where I can say "I love him endlessly/infinitely, I'd marry him, I love him so much, he's my beloved" or anything sappy like that; like, yes, I do feel that way sometimes (kinda), but 99% of the time it's "I love you, but--" "I hate you... but--" it's like two people who love and despise each other in very different ways and they just. they CLASH so much, and no matter how hard they try, the puzzle pieces just don't FIT each other but they keep crawling back to each other even if it's unhealthy and... just a total trainwreck. I think because this ship is so incredibly different from my other ships, it's more intriguing for me to toy around with!

It's SO FUN to write. It's SO FUN!!! I've never imagined I'd enjoy writing/drawing comics of myself fighting with a F/O or having on-and-off breakups and "wait no please let's try this one more time" scenarios, but omg. The drama. The tension. The "I love Starscream and you treat him so terribly I want to rip out your throat cables for it, but also, I want to make out with you before I kill you"??? LIKE??? OOH. I really, really enjoy how terrible we are for each other slfsdfsdf and I'm so happy that you enjoy it too!! :D

[paraclete0407]

1.

That my favorite JLC novel was ‘Call for the Dead’ - a reference for the Black Death

2.

Nora Roberts’ ‘Holding the Dream’ - ‘Project 521′

3.

‘[Japanese word for bouquet] super-cruise

4.

‘Afterburner’ - hands on shoulders

5.

‘Disbelief in math’ - you [stole presence of breast]

6.

‘Why am I so dumb’

7.

Drinking boiling tea on empty stomach till fly, leap weightlessly

8.

‘Mariposa 2016′ - why not be ‘wheeled out’ 

9.

‘Speak while breathing in’

10.

Oxygen from outside not needed; breathing is crutch

11.

Do backflip; test of will

12.

‘Germantown Lake’

13.

Instant respect University School of Milwaukee

14.

‘UW-Milwaukee (once) respected me’

15.

‘The infliction

16.

‘H3B’ - ‘Mutt Riley’ drug-dealer w/ heart of gold (fake stock character) ‘Malaysian Camille,’ fingers intercostal, ‘Liesl,’ point to books w/ furry boot-toes, ‘I want to kick that cat.’  Some kind of gov’t agency.  Girl w/ marmalade hair,

17.

‘Gangster Opera’ - ‘__-ya what _ _ _ _’ - ‘penalty life’ 

18.

‘Flamenco dance-hall poison gas massacre’ - ‘First Love’

19.

‘The Persian Girl’ - NYC container-ship nuclear terrorism

20.

‘Oxygen Girl and Lithium Boy’ - W. Allen ‘Jupiter Symphony’ - Green R-33  - ‘Yeppeo Harkke’ - ‘I’m not Allen; don’t want to know everything; I groom no one; I expect not to live forever; IDC abt ‘sexual awakening’  + doesn’t need to be taught.  Unoriginal sinner, un-special sophistication, ‘nubile’ - well f--- you and praise God f---face

21.

Distributing the apple-baskets to the poor

22.

‘Epipen’ hostess-bar; [fake name spoken by munch-crumple-idiot].  

23.

‘The Coalminer’s Wife.’  Rutgers is Pyongyang; Mason Gross School of the Arts is Pyongyang; spiral staircase, why am I so dumb.  ‘Poetry-writing is like _ _ but novel-writing is like coal-mining.’  The small room, loom / weave.  Sleep in uniform apron / visor.  Blindness.  Hairband.  ‘If you wear this shirt on college 1st day will meet fut. husband.’  

Sitting in subterranean culvert, bride, pink silver white, orange light.  Kneeling in matte white in coal-hill.  ‘The village headman’s daughter.’  Candle.  Roman Catholicism implied.  

24.

Legalistic, fat on health-foods.  Friend is skinny always burning self down, love of pizza.  ‘Sungjin.’  

25.

‘Minister of the Right’ - ‘Scholar Jin and Lady Periwinkle’

26.

‘Eternal Protector YSS his face was white to blacks black to whites spoke breathing in, racist in immutable divine capacity, picking up valuables from ground even if stolen property =/- smashing store-window to steal.  Terrible elephant-trumpet, sinking, PCH will burn me w/ cigarette-tip in Eternity.  

27.

‘Sospira’ - mandatory euthanasia for piano-teacher after ‘genius student’ graduates

28.

‘Man is woman and woman is b _ _.’  ‘Women are floors.’  

29.

The bird says ‘laoshi.’  The rabbit approaches me; my son.  Little kids w/ armored lower legs will crush me.  

30.

‘So tired from writing strip-club accounts by hand shoulder fatigue the RU Aryan Nation (inc. blonde Jewesses) easily bent her arm to make it look like suicide.’    

31.

‘I caused WW3 due to collective hallucination and/or CCP deepfake; casus belli

32.

‘We’ll give you a five-course meal then f--- you up + also plant bomb in stomach

33.

‘I f---ig TOLD YOU

34.

Mom trusted me with absolute trust-ness as we walked; Jew ‘Take your family _____!’  ‘Carlos Park,’ ‘I HATE Jews; they think they’re the only humans.’  ‘At least we can all agree about Obergefell(?!).’

35.

Why Episcopalians sing about Socrates?

36.

Tell parents, ‘Don’t you know how easy it is to generate deepfakes and say anyone did anything?’  They drove away leaving me outside Best Buy.

37.

‘He’s like the Palestinians.’  ‘I really like you.’  Black boy in pom-pom-hat, tooth-smile, tinfoil.’  My Tibetan bracelet, Diamond Gym Maplewood

38.

‘Meta-wolf.’  Painterly resolution of cinema.  Die at piano.  Stab self in right thigh.  

39.

Looking in to the PC screen 2003 I saw the future; at the very end of the _ _ vid the katana right through her mouth and head / brain / skull.  Dads to plan Covid ultra-vengeance.  YSS, ‘I killed my sons to _ _ _.’  

40.

St. Peter in sky

41.

‘Delight of bread; it befits Man’s dignity... Xi Jinping likes _... delight stomach nursing school, orange sherbert, all ight getting beaten

42.

The Black PhD woman wants me to apply lip-gloss(?!), will not expand on educational philosophy of institution - ‘I blah blah blah Harvard, middle class can’t live within means - Shanghai novel ‘What We Were Not Promised’ - ‘

43.

Guidance counselor you f----- it up - incompetent reprobate self-hypermasculinizing crop-hair Jewess man up Derek Chauvin

43.

‘The neural math Yuki Katakura, mirror neurons, decoupling, cannot ride the vestibule, Matt Chai, “Correspondence and Correlation’  Berkeley CA, ‘Catherine Chai’ emerald dress, McDonalds in the days when seats were fixed outside.  Michelle WAi funeral; she played guitar; commanded submarine, assassinated by RPG Arab terrorist.  G-36.  ‘Fantail.’

44.

‘What’s Myeong Hyeongeso up to?’ - I really love my friend Cunningham whose heartrate spikes probably b/c he knows there’s CCP Yakuza assassins somewhere al the time thinking of murdering him

45.

Daejin McDonald’s one night, I start singing ’Star Spangled Banner.’  Kim Jong Un launches missile arcing over cereal grain fields, I start singing ‘Star Spangled Banner.’

46.

Literally 2015, ‘Trinity of Happiness.’  Later ‘finally enter.’  Gold label lite cigarette, ‘I’m gonna have my day!’

47.

I gave the little kid money + he flipped out; he later tried to freeze himself to death as Texas Bill is manning up worried about magazine cliches, contributions to ROKA(?).  Kid quit due to voice but he’s still better than me!  Fire all these people, CDF, ‘Charles David Framingham,’ nuke Milwaukee, I don’t trust his data.  ‘I had so much sex before marriage’ - just die I read your magazine 3,0000 years ago.  I can’t believe anyone wants to be you; my grandfather was B-24 co-pilot, main pilot KIA, landed without landing-training, grapefruit morning, infinite wrist-strength.  I smashed up his house but he didn’t get mad, just stutter.  Dead-eyed f---face shooting every animal in Texas.  

48. 

Very much fear of P2 holiness but holiness-shyness even worse than love-shyness even more blasphemous, I sincerely hope he strangles me very soon

49.

The evillest thing I ever thought, the ‘death of deaths,’ Kim Jong Il, what was he thinking?  I used to toy with TW-1, say word ‘zombie’  ‘How could you do that?!’  I didn’t liquefy girls’ skeletons or sth; it’s like Schindler’s List soundtrack; I just don’t know words for it.  ‘Final Gesture’ - Jesus to Judas ‘friend?’

50.

Iraq War Day trail-running, later cognizance of Noam Chomsky Hiroshima Day.  Wanted to say Op. Olympic noble but in retrospect ‘Bells of Nagasaki’ + ‘swamp of Japan.’  My grandfather’s funeral, dad is, ‘We have all drunk from wells we did not dig.’  Chinese chicken eat, nap, I can run all the way up of the hill w/ African chat.  I like YooA ‘Bon Voyage,’ check CNS high reps, atrial fibrillation.

51.

SHINEE fangirl ‘Stella(?)’ - noli me tangerine I know that stuff is ‘little stars.’  Awed at my gait  ‘If only they had stayed in hot pursuit.’  I wanna believe in all that stuff as well; I am also a dead-ender or last-chancer or last-caller; I admire Mari Iijima, ‘’Uncompromising Innocence.’  ‘Little Heaven’ but that’s Kim Jongilism or I’m worse than Kim Jong Il for thinking about ‘Agents Running in the Field.’  Timothy Keller, ‘I don’t like broccoli.’  I felt it was an innuendo and it made me think of HJ that gave me her number but I didn’t call b/c I’m against prostitution and I felt it’s fake number b/c everything is the Shadowplay.  I made stupid lewd stuff for years despite ‘Anointment’ and ‘When To Care’ - ‘toucan, macaw, demi-bra.’  Everyone thinks I’m a rapist but I’m not pressing my case; I don’t mouth-breath; I don’t spit.  I read ‘Sentimental Education’ and pre-targeted; I gave up; I wish Gen. McChrystal could be President or GWB 3rd term, conscience of Moon Jaein, ‘Weary Head.’  Thought I was ‘all hard’ for reading Natsume Soseki’s ‘Meian’ with ex-girlfriend’s smile at the end but he as dying then I started seeing kisses + wife-smiles and stuff; what’s Francis Chan up to?, does Mike Pompeo know I am real?  I liked 2nd Inuyasha movie, that song was about Mochida Kaori’s unborn niece or nephew, Kinokuniya Edgewater Mitsuwa.  The ‘Many Pieces’ live version ended with bass-note - ‘cantus firmus’ - instead of fadeout and wail.  Stone Lake NK Mountain morning.  Fav. Bible book 2 Timothy - ‘grievous wolves.’  & I used to listen to ‘Arirang’ and hear the Latin, ‘Respondemus’ - my favorite person said that Latin’s ‘quaint’ but it’s the lingua franca of the Roman Empire and that’s the final empire of this world that never went away; but this is a specific era, the great wave Delta and it’s not even the last iteration If I know anything about biological war or Satan.  Unironically fall on your face; ten billion jewel-souls tonight and this terrible fire rolling over.  I just simply pray for mercy on Milwaukee + somebody suspend their infinity-war-dueling over all the ills of yesterday back to Original Sin nd the Fall of Lucifer.  I’m unhappy that I know all this pop-culture; ‘worlds are swaying / someone is praying / please let us come home to stay’ or Kahi’s ‘One Love’ where at the end it uses the word for ‘I’ in the subjective case which is ‘arm confirmed identity’ 

[clovd-9]

tattoo artist!taeyong × apprentice!reader (ft. ten)

promt: could you write an AU with taeyong as a tattoo artist please? I love you!!

A/n: I think I'm gonna write like 2-3 more parts to this because there's so many ideas I have for it and not enough room. Also...I love you too. ALsO my dad is a tattoo artist and I love writing these kinds of AUs bc I actually know abt them.

You never really expected to be a tattoo artists,, yet here you were,, in the waiting room of a tattoo parlor,, and all because of your friend and roommate, Ten

He had told you of a job opening to be an artist's apprentice,, yet failed to mention that it was to be a tattoo artists... or that your guide was a friend of his

So naturally you assumed they'd be loud, annoying, and lazy,, yet you gave it a shot bc why not

Then someone calls your name, and you turn around to meet the infamous Taeyong

His hair was white, standing out against his tan skin and dark tattoos,, his eyes were large and dark, looking at you

It took you a moment to find your voice,, feeling small in his gaze, but you nodded and followed him as he walked

The interview was pretty basic,, asking you if you had any experience, if you were comfortable with seeing blood, the essentials,, then he showed you his tools, explaining basic safety and hazards

His voice was rather monotoned and matched his expressionless face,, but somehow you still were caught up in what he was saying

By the end he simply told you he'd text you with any information/if you got the job,, then he turned around and went right along doing whatever he was doing before you had come in

Ten told you he was always like that,, expressionless,, but he was a cool guy and that you should give him a shot if you got the job

Which you did, exactly two days later he had texted you, giving you a schedule and telling you to bring a sweatshirt because the shop often as cold

So you show up the next day, dressed casually with a sweatshirt tucked in your arm,, he tells you to go to his booth, saying he has extra pens and inks for you to use which was kinda nice of him because you had no supplies at all

His first client comes in, and he sets up his station, making sure to give you a nice view of what he's doing,, then he turns on his music which is surprisingly,, soft r&b,, unlike everyone else around you who's blasting modern rap

It kind of catches you off guard,, yeah he's chill but,, he has some dimensions to him??

Anyways,, when he finally starts with the tattoo he suddenly has an expression on his face,, hed concentrated on what he's doing, his eyebrows furrowed

When he quickly glances at you,, you realize you've been observing him more than his work, which quickly causes you to burn with embarrassment as you focus on what his hand is doing

To your luck, he doesnt bring it up after he's done, rather asking your questions and seeing if you noticed certain techniques,, when you answer all of his questions he doesn't say anything but a simple okay and goes right back to cleaning his pen and table

Whenever you come home, Ten asks you a billion questions,, but they're oddly specific

Like,, did he mention anything else besides work, did he get lots of texts or phone calls,, and you're like what no idk jdiwkakf why

But he shrugs, saying he was just curious,, but you had your suspicions

So the next time you're around Taeyong you pay attention to what he's doing more,, turns out his phone blows up and he stares at it like it's a dead bug,, and you ofc bring this info to Ten bc you want to be in on the tea

But he refuses to tell you, saying taeyong would beat his ass,, so you leave it be and focus on your work

The longer you and Taeyong work together, the more he talks and tries to make conversation

Like one time he asked you out of the blue if you had seen how almost all animals from the Seoul area had been adopted,, and you were like yeah omg but you were also bamboozled bc why does a quiet creepy emo like taeyong pay attention to the news- or dogs and cats??

The both of you find out your similarities and interests, and small talk is no longer awkward because hey it's about things you actually like and know about

Ten drops in sometimes,, which reveals Taeyong's goofier side

You actually heard him laugh when Ten was telling a story and you were like hE DOES THAT?

But by now a few months have gone by and you've done quite a few tattoos, you're getting pretty good at it too,, Taeyong even told you good job on your most recent one which made you feel proud of yourself but you didn't tell him that

You found yourself getting more interested in who Taeyong actually was, and not who was at work

Parts of himself would show when he talked about how much he adored music, or how he actually wanted to be a dancer but discovered the art of tattoos

A small part of you even thought he was cute,, god forbid you tell Ten though he'd probably tell Taeyong and everyone in your shop

When your apprenticeship reached 6 months, Taeyong told you that you should consider becoming an independent artist,, to which this made you feel a pang of sadness,, bc you actually grew to really enjoy working alongside him,, but you told him okay

You brainstormed how to stay around him longer because quite frankly you were terrified of most other artists,, and then it came to you, why not work in the same shop?

So you called the owner of your current shop, discussed booth rent, and bam, you were set

When you told taeyong, he smiled widely, suddenly hugging you

"I'm sorry, I'm just happy for you!" He exclaimed, his smile never fading

You thanked him, saying that you wouldn't have been there if it weren't for him,, and ten but meh who cares about him rn

So the both of you work in the booth next to each other, often talking while giving tattoos or during break

And honestly, it didn't even seem like you were working, rather than just doing something you loved to do,, with someone you liked loved to do it with

To be continued ;)

[groovycrusadeperson]

is it true abt what they say that wanda is the most responsible for creation of ultron because she got into tony’s mind? could you please debunk this? why did wanda do that?for what purpose?i dont wanna hate wanda:(

Hey I ‘m so sorry this ask got buried in a pile of backlog. It’s not true and and I’ll debunk it for you anon. 

Wanda got into the the mind of a man she felt was complicit in (and even benefitted from) the destruction of her homeland and her family with the intent to hurt him. She showed him his deepest fear - which was having to live with the guilt of everyone else dying in another alien invasion. What Tony decided to do with after this was a choice he made of his own free will. 

And what he chose to do was revive the Ultron project that he’d already been working on and failing at because now that they had the sceptre he thought they would have a better chance at succeeding. Tony chose to create Ultron, he chose to recklessly stick an alien weapon into it, he chose to execute the absolue worst, most terrifyingly despotic plan of action to combat potential threats in the form of a suit of AI armour (that would report to him) around the world. Wanda didn’t compel him to do this just like she didn’t compel any other Avenger to do stupid shit just by showing them their deepest fears. And guess what? They didn’t do stupid shit. It was that simple.

Tony stans often respond to this by arguing that it was Wanda’s actions that started the chain of events, that had she not shown that vision to Tony, he wouldn’t have decided to create Ultron and so Ultron is really Wanda’s fault. Except causation doesn’t work like that. At all. 

What Tonkies are saying is that but for Wanda’s actions, Ultron wouldn’t have been created. Except they aren’t actually applying the ‘but for’ test. They are mistakenly equating the tracing of the chain of events with the “but for” test i.e. they’re just identifying one preceding event in a chain of events and then blaming the entire chain of succeeding events on it. Which is stupid as fuck.

You can’t simply circle the first event in a chain of events and then say “but for this first starting event the chain of events leading to the injury wouldn’t have happened and hence the first event is responsible for the injury.” If that were the case I could just keep tracing the chain of events further back and say, “but for Tony’s arms dealings and war profiteering, Wanda wouldn’t have wanted to hurt him and wouldn’t have showed him the vision so really Tony’s war profiteering is what created Ultron.” 

Wanda’s actions may have set off a chain of events that ended with Ultron but it isn’t the action but for which Ultron wouldn’t have happened. Because had Tony decided to respond to Wanda’s actions in a billion other less idiotic ways then Ultron wouldn’t have happened even with Wanda’s vision as the starting point of the chain of events. The action but for which Ultron wouldn’t have happened is, therefore, Tony’s. His is the intervening act in the chain of events that ultimately decided whether Ultron was created or not. How he chose to respond to the preceding event (Wanda showing him a vision) is the only thing that decided what the subsequent event in the chain would be. 

I don’t think I have articulated any of this very well so I’d just like to give a terrible example which nevertheless gets the point across I feel - suppose I told you to go and buy…idk…groceries. You got in your car, drove rashly and crashed it. Did the chain of events start with me telling you to go get groceries? Sure you wouldn’t have got in the car in the first place if I hadn’t told you to. Does that mean I’m now liable for you crashing your car? Obviously not that’s fucking ridiculous.

Me telling you to go buy groceries isn’t the event but for which the crash wouldn’t have happened. Your negligent driving, done of your own free will, is.

Tl;dr - Wanda is liable for showing Tony a bad dream. Tony is completely liable for the creation of Ultron. Forget mostly, Wanda isn’t even slightly liable for Ultron’s creation.

[bookofsul]

So this is probably really odd to ask but whatever. I got accepted into an art school and i've been going there since 4 weeks. So far so good. But i get really bad anxiety if i am not able to do somethig right/ as good as anyone else :/ of course im jealous if someone is better than me but i thik i could handle that (if it'd JUST that) i have anxiety abt almost anything and it really depresses me when i feel like im not good in enough in sth i normally love doning :( So.. do you have any advice?

Yes I do. Stop listening to the BS that comes from the part of your genes that keeps you rather in ‘shitty but safe’ stagnation than let you fail. (They are mean and don’t consider winning!)

In short, don’t stress too much on it, things will be just fine as long as you keep going! A bit longer below the cut.

My art school career started with “I was the second to last accepted” to high school. I knew that I could draw ‘better’ than the other kids in my elementary school class simply because I had an interest and I was drawing almost every day, but it still put me on the end of the scale in an open competition. When I got in I felt like I hit the jackpot and I will be surrounded with similar minded folks and how awesome it will be. The truth is, I had a couple of friends and the others I can’t even remember the name of but things were great. Until you start to struggle for whatever reason, it’s more often than not that you’ll get a mean comment on ‘how bad x is on your drawing’. And from those friends, that hurt. It’s not the constructive criticism kind of deal, but the one that is aimed to break down your self confidence and faith in yourself in order to make themselves feel better. After a while I figured that I’m not interested in their opinion, so I politely asked them not to give me feedback, since I’m my worst critic. I knew that some of them were in my level or above, but that just put me into a competitive mindset that I can do better. And so I did. Talent is nothing but hard work. When you think that other people’s work is intimidating, then you are getting a mental block via your genes that I have described above. But if you keep trying, you can get to awesomeness! 

After high school (all of those above) I went to an other art based institute to become a teacher whom is able to instruct and communicate trough their thoughts due to the fact that our teacher was an artist who was an egotistic asshole, forcing his shit on people without letting you develop. I thought that in the university it will be different, but guess what, all the people there were the same kind of deal. I feel like I learned nothing aside of the teaching part. They assigned me to do things I was not interested in at all and trying to crush my beliefs that “digital art is no true art and has no value”. We got homework which you could interpret as you liked, and let me tell you, they did freak me out. I’m not saying that you don’t need to do things you don’t like, but the amount is very questionable and opinionated. I hated drawing. It was a forced thing and I saw that the output I was doing was crap because I couldn’t even motivate myself to care. It was still good enough to keep a B+ average, and where I felt like I’m not learning, I stopped trying to challenge myself to try being better. I usually had at least one figure whom I wanted to impress, and I put all my creative efforts into that particular class. The rest I kinda “survived”.

And, let me tell you a story related specifically to your problem. I had a class where we had to “solve painter’s problems”. Whatever the fuck that meant. We had to paint a figure and environment in the mandatory classes which was utterly boring (same 60yo lady over the 5 years I had there). Same pose, same lights, I could paint it from my memory from various angles. it was some new level of boring. But we had this “solve a painter’s problem” deal and I had no fucking idea what did the teacher meant and the explanations made NO SENSE to me or my friend. The others started bringing in sketches and loose works to ask the teacher’s opinion, and they were so far away from anything I’d call art that I started freaking out. I can’t do this shit. I can’t purposely, by force, paint metaphysical images by the number of 30 mini (A6), 15 small (A4) 10 medium (A3) and 4 large (A2) by the end of the semester. I had two weeks left, and I had NO IDEA what the hell to do. I was very frustrated, I wanted to quit, I wanted to fuck it all, because everyone else’s modern junk was looking so abstract and I CANNOT do that! I was sitting over the canvas and out of sheer frustration I started hammering it with random colors I had on my brush (it was rather small, like the back of a pencil), and I was crying and I was ready to give up. And from beyond my tears, the images looked kind of…Interesting. So I blew my nose and I kept doing this, first trying to make a shape or a form and afterwards not even giving a damn. I just had to make something and fuck me if it’s not going to be good enough. I tried my best. If it’s not enough, it’s just ONE person’s opinion anyway from 6 billion so WHY should I CARE. (Yes, even if they are professionals or teachers or whatever)So I bring in the images and I’m so nervous I nearly pass out. Long story short the teacher nearly passed out too, but from euphoria, how amazing my shit was. He was legit pissed that my works from the class were medicore but THOSE WERE SO GOOD IT WAS PREPOSTEROUS. I got an A, and my friend who watched from the door nearly pissed herself from trying not to laugh. (she also asked me to bring some to an other class to an other teacher and that guy also got his mind blown).

Now some can say that I had to get to a mindset that made me do this (and we should listen to the advices blaady bladyy blaaa). But frankly, I don’t want to be stressed about creating art, I want to enjoy it. People don’t like it? Why should I care as long as I’m having fun and developing to my liking? Art supposed to be self expression, not forced upon anyone by any means. When I make commissions, I’m trying to please ONE person, and that’s the commissioner. If anyone else is happy too, that’s a bonus. My best art pieces were gifts, because I wanted to give with them, and they were driven by love/joy/unicorn fart rather than pressure. Love makes everything better!

You’ll never be able to please everyone. It’s impossible. Start with believing in yourself and look for the themes/materials that MAKE YOU HAPPY. That make you grow and leaves you feeling productive. If it’s drawing, painting, writing, making music, cooking food, sewing, fixing up shit, BRINGING OUT THE TRASH, whatever floats your boat. Aim for the little things that make you happy. There is no point to compare yourself to others, and trust me when I say this, the more your skill grows the less intimidating they will be, because you’ll have the eyes to see the flaws that everyone does. The images we like the most are made with little accidents. If you feel like crap about your art, listen some Bob Ross and follow his work. Surround yourself with the material that makes you feel good, or things you want to aim for. If you have a particular picture you think it’s just the best shit, put it to your desktop til you find something that is even more awesome. Your eyes will remember the details that you can recall any time. Out of your comfort zone? DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS. I mean it’s obviously gonna be crap in the first dozen times. But You’ll get there, just keep going, and don’t give up! Be your own worst critiq and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your work. You have to accept the fact that you won’t make a masterpiece with every single stroke you make, and that’s fine. Aim for perfection, but don’t be a perfectionist.

My personal mantra is: “I cannot please everyone with my work, but I do my best anyway, and my aim is personal growth trough things that make me happy.”I’m honestly very honored that you people think my opinion is worth asking for. The fun fact is that my most common advice is “don’t give a shit about other people’s opinion”. :’D No, ofc you should care a bit, but only just an itty bitty tiiny wiiny bit. As long as you stay happy!

[macabrecabra]

if u r accepting prompts idk could you make a story abt reaper/genji being soulmates and how they meet is kinda tragic (genji on a mission, reaper being the enemy along with his talon friends) maKE IT BITTERSWEET AS POSSIBLE SORRY :,)

This prompt ;  w ;I have been trying to write it for months and just...can't get it tofeel right so I've stopped messing with it and finished it up. Idon't know why it was so hard to writes ; w ;

(Note: Not open to writing prompts asI'm waaaay behind on them and trying to clear em out!)

For anon! Title: One in a BillionRating:PG-13Relationship: bittersweet Genji/Reaper

Everyone was born one way or another, but everyone had a soulmate.There were people simply made for each other, sometimes in pairs,sometimes more than that. It was more than just a passionatefriendship or a breathtaking romance though. A soul mate was somethingmore than that.

It was a relationship unable to be truly putto words, something ethereal.  It was something so breathtaking, soreal, the very concept of a soul mate had been fabricated again andagain across human history as the greatest achievement of all time,the one thing to fight for, the prize of every heroic quest.

The reality though was the chances of any one person meeting theirdestined soulmate  were always slim and most of the population wentby without ever meeting their destined one. They got married, hadfriendships, and carried on life quiet normally. Not to mention evenif someone did find their soulmate, there was no guarantee the twowould be completely compatible or even get along. The storybooks liked to make it seem like everyone could find that one personor persons that they were meant to be with and fall deeply in love.The reality was such things were simply dreams and fantasies most of the time. Sometimes the personwho was your destined wasn't quiet there, sometimes only appearinglater in life, as if there was a change they needed to go to be whothey were born to be, mind, body, and soul. Sometimes they weren’t quiet ready to accept the bond at all.

Genji, from a young age, had long since accepted he wasn'tgoing to find his soulmate. He was a playboy and had issues withcommitment. Not to mention he never thought he would be the sort ofperson that anyone would want to be latched onto. That wasn't to sayhe didn't try at times, going from one partner to the next, waitingfor that sudden flush and spark of interest that would sizzle throughhis veins. He tried and had never felt it and had put it aside.

After becoming a cyborg, he had more or less given up on thatdream. He might have accepted what he was, but he was more than sureno one else would accept him. It was better to settle than to hanghopes on something that wasn't going to occur.Life though hada funny way of coming out of no where and putting everything in lineto allow that single encounter to happen.It has comeso suddenly during the mission.One minute Genji had been dispatchingthe last Talon guards at the clutch point, the next, he wasstanding there, feeling as if someone had shot him through with athousand volts of electricity. He stood there, staring, one handstill gripping onto the handle of his blade, every muscle tensed adfeeling like he wasn't capable of any sort of movement.

He had never personally encountered Reaper before, although thestories told about him were passed around the agents of Overwatchquiet liberally. Genji was more than aware as well that the shadowydeath-dealer had also been Gabriel Reyes at some point but now hadbecome something twisted and evil, according to Ana's grim words.

He now stood before the mercenary, staring down the barrels ofthe twin shotguns feeling like his whole world had suddenly zoomed in,blurring out everything else but the mercenary. Something in Genji'schest lurched, a sudden flutter of anxious excitement that only grewstronger in anticipation. It was a giddy sort of feeling like he waswalking on pins and needles. The reaction wasn't one born of fearwhich seemed almost odd with death staring him in the face, but oneborn of a relief, a sense of peace like the last few pieces of hislife finally slipped into place and all the world was well.

They both stood there, neither one moving although their handskept on their weapon, ready to strike. Slowly though Reaper loweredhis gun, head tilted as he were perplexed by something. Genji for hispart was glad for the visor that hid his face and masked the fact hisgaze was now wandering down the broad frame of the mercenary,drinking in the details of the outfit and how close it fit to hisform as if some part of him needed to commit it all to memory.“Whatdid you do?” Reaper finally growled out, voice low and dangerousand filled a rasp that made a strange shiver race up Genji's spine.

“I didn't do anything and frankly, I have no idea what you areeven speaking about,” Genji responded curtly.

Reaper let out a growling hiss, shoulders hunching as he gesturedvaguely to himself, “This...feeling,” he spat, “I can kill anyOverwatch agent without hesitation but you? Why do you make mehesitate? Why can't I pull the trigger on you?”Genji drewback just for a moment, shoulders tensed some as Reaper's words sunkin. The mercenary was admitting to feeling something that kept himfrom killing Genji. That in of itself must have been a very strongemotion, more akin to a bond of fellowship and kinship unheard of orperhaps-

A cold feeling settled over Genji's entire body and made his heartseize up. It felt like his entire being was freezing and burning allat once as he took a step back. It was a bond he was feeling and itwasn't just any bond. Before him stood his-

“You're my soul mate,” Genji managed to croak out faintly,“We're soul mates,”Reaper pulled back as if he had beenstruck, and a low sibilant hiss escaped him, “No fucking way. Isthis some kind of joke?”Genji almost laughed. All of thisfelt like a joke. A particular cruel joke thrown down upon him by thepowers that be that here he stood before that one in a billion peoplethat was made for him. The one who's bond would transcend all knowboundaries of relationships into something undefinable and beautiful.Beyond all odds, he had been fortunate to discover that soul thatrang in tune with his own....

And it was Reaper. His enemy. The one who would murder all hisfriends and family without a care just to sate his need for vengeance.This was the mercenary of death who drained the living to sustain histwisted existence and was born of the fragmented soul of a oncedecent man.

This was soulmate and Genji didn't know whether to laugh or cry atthis whole turn of events. “I wish it was a joke and wecould laugh this off and go back to killing each other,” Genjifinally managed out, “But neither of us will be able to kill theother. That is the nature of what we have. What we have always had,”

They were destined from their birth or perhaps re-birth inReaper's case. He had died Gabriel Reyes and returned as Reaper andin rare cases, sometimes that is what triggered the bond to finallyemerge. That did not change the fact though that they were enemies whowere suppose to be taking out the other to ensure the safety of theirown side or to live out some callous revenge.

“You can't be serious,” Reaper said, his voice holding atremor of actual disbelief, “Soul mates? Are you kidding me?”

“What you see it as then?” Genji retorted, “What explanationdo you have for not being able to shoot me? Had a special fondnessfor me back in the Overwatch glory days from all three times or so wespoke?”

Reaper's entire form tensed and his grip on the shotguns increasedbut he didn't lift them back up to take aim at Genji. He stood therelike a man possessed by some other power, fighting with himself. Itwas a feeling that Genji could relate to as his fingers twitchedalong the hilt of his blade, wanting to pull it free and strikefirst.

They only continued to stand and stare as the muffled sounds ofgunfire echoed in the air, so distant as the world seemed to shrinkback.

“Soul mates don't exist,” Reaper finally spat out.

“They exist, doesn't mean they turn out as we would hope,”Genji returned, dropping his gaze to the ground in defeat. Helet his hand fall away from the sword handle, letting the reality ofhis fate settle in at last.

He wouldn't be able to strike Reaper down. Wouldn't even be ableto land a scratch without feeling like his entire being was beingstruck down as well. Reaper though still fought, still had fingers onthe triggers although they seemed frozen in place, unable to tightenup just that little bit further to shoot the cyborg before him. “This is- this can't be fucking happening,” Reapersnarled.“But it is so what is the point in trying to fightit?” They could deny it all they want but here they stood,unable to kill the other, neither pleased with the situation but atthe same time, hope was there, at least for Genji. If Reaper couldstill form a bond as a soul mate, it meant there was hope ofredemption for him, that there was something there still.

Perhaps, just maybe, they could find a way to make it work. Itwouldn't be easy, it would take time. They would have hurdles toovercome and probably would be taking steps backwards rather thanforwards but maybe, just maybe-“Genji! Watch out!” Thecyborg whirled about in alarm, tensed up even as he saw Ana line upher shot, the beam of her rifle trained on Reaper. The mercenaryreacted as well, turning towards the sniper as well. Everythingseemed to go so slow despite the fact it all happened in less than afew tense seconds. The shot rang out and Reaper recoiled back, blackblood splattering over the wall as he dropped back, one handclutching his chest as a pulse of electricity raced through him.They had been on a mission to stop Talon. They had known aboutReaper's ability and Winston had devised a way to neutralize Reaper'spower enough to-“Genji are you okay?”

The cyborg felt numb as he looked down at the fallen mercenary,his mind reeling as if he had been shock himself. His body wanted tocollapse then and he felt his entire world pulled out from under himonce more. That feeling began to ebb and fade as he stared at theground, trying to force a response out. “Genji?”Hefelt her hand on his shoulder. He heard the concern in her voice buthe couldn't speak. He merely nodded as he stared at the body of the onethat was to be his soulmate.A man that may now bedead.Everyone got a one in a billion shot to find theirsoulmate but rarely did things ever work out in the end. Rarelydid people find that true happy ending.

[crunchy-napkin]

thoughts for the future

leaving for college in just over a week n i feel like kinda stressed out not bc im leaving 300 miles away from home but bc this is the time when im supposed to b figuring my shit out but every time i think about what i want to do in life i just start thinking about everything that i wont be able to do. but i guess that thats a sacrifice that has to happen??? im not even sure that i agree with that wholeheartedly and as much as i wish i did my selfishness takes over every time i think about rhis. bc i want to b able to do what i want but i know thats now how this works or at least not in this muddy rock that our feet touch everyday, part of what my mother has ingrained in me about the necessity of financial stability can never be erased, or otherwise i wouldnt be typing this down as my mind races past different strings of sentences that could apply to this topic. i cant not think about financial stability in my future, even if its not the most important thing in my heart. i cant not think about everything that i want to do solely for the sake of trying and for the sake of my happiness but i will do what i can nonetheless. happiness is such a feeble thing that varies by person in over 7 billion sequences. i have no idea what my sequence for happiness is bc i feel like i dont even know myself yet. its like living w a roommate that u never communicate w, n i feel like i have never communicated w myself except for those few seconds where i ponder about what i really want, but those conversations w myself abt what i really want are always drowned by the environment that i place myself in. when asked, i tell everyone that i smoke cigarettes bc it makes me feel relaxed but thats not the reason. i smoke bc at those brief moments where the cigarette stick is being drained by my lungs, at those moments, i realize that it is killing me and as that self realization hits me i can finally think about what i want in my life in a real fashion, bc at that moment i view my own mortality and can think clearly, even if its short lived. but there will always be the next cigarette. and that does not worry me. what worries me is that at one point or another my pack of marlboro 27s will no longer give me the effect of self realization and i have no idea what will. i tell myself that i dont have an addictive personality (and sometimes thats proven to be true) but i feel like my mind houses the worst type of addiction, the addiction of self realization and it will probably cost me my life and even worst my happiness if i cannot communicate with myself effectively. it could be worse of course, some people are addicted to self realization through other means: money, theft, killing, reputation, etc. but i dont think i could ever do that, money to me is the bacteria of life, and while we need it to survive in this world, those who cannot get enough of its taste become infected, sacrificing their own happiness just so more gold coins can fall in their pockets, so they could buy their way into self realization. but they have become a slave to the currency that holds value simply bc the government says so. ultimately however we are all trying to finish the path to realizing what we want, and i envy those who already know what they desire, but i feel happy for them anyways bc why would i not b happy for them, theyre there and hopefully ill meet them there at one point. but for now ill smoke my next pack in order to communicate w myself some more, and maybe next time ill ask myself why i have to know what i want, bc we dont have to be controlled, but thats a question for another lifetime. and so here i am (if uve read this) i hope u already know or will know what u want to do in life. much love

[unproduciblesmackdown]

rian atm being established as someone who is just kinda helping taylor with stuff (and going “are you sure” and/or questioning them about things, but still helping out, but also more on that further down ig) sure could seem like it’s Too Good To Be True like, this is billions, gotta brace for imminent problems, but then again i was pondering it like well yes it’s billions and you gotta go “uh oh” abt a character for their simply being on the show, conflict & problems are inevitable & thematic Requirements, but maybe it need not be so imminent or even necessary that there’s any big issue here, even if down the line rian is not so “yeah i’m helping”ly parallelly aligned with taylor

just b/c you look at where taylor is left off at the end of s5, which naturally writers knew about ahead of time, and they sure are more hard pressed for allies / people who will directly help out than ever, certainly including the fact that even axe in s5 being largely unhelpful to actively & deliberately making decisions that were counterproductive to / sabotaged taylor, he was still at least partly an ally and had that (by now mostly former) mentorship role, which taylor doesn’t have with prince at all. they’ve worked together and Can work together (and now have to work together) and i’m sure prince won’t just come in swinging for no good reason & be trying to antagonize taylor / might hope and/or try for a lasting alliance or whatever, but taylor wants that autonomy thanks and already has reasons to hardly want a closer business partnership here / to do anything that will require they stick around longer

and beyond that, of course their relationship with wendy is not at its highest point (although also, who’s wendy more closely aligned with now, i’m sure her and taylor’s dynamic will continue to be relevant / a whole thread in overall plots), and they Have worked with chuck kind of for 2 sec but it was annoying & they probably aren’t going to wanna immediately go to him like “oh i’ll help you take out prince” and also chuck’s efforts at taking out axe didn’t quite work anyways, and lauren’s especial support was mostly in the realm beyond [she’s just providing the regular employee support at work] and of course that didn’t end too well, although the breaking point problem was in fact in the realm of the Workplace Regular Employee Support, and then there’s how, despite everything in s4, apparently all it took was mafee going “damn i miss sitting with my boys. which when push comes to shove, just means dollar bill of all people, i guess. that scamp” to Cancel Out everything with taylor. like, guess we’ll see if that’s not true, but everything points to mafee now somehow feeling unbeholden to any particular connection there / acting like he’s forgotten they exist i guess if he’s just wandering out with bill on a whim. o.k.

so anyways what i mean by all this is that it would make sense if part of the reasoning behind “we want/need this new character to do stuff with taylor” is about knowing that taylor wouldn’t really have anyone reliably On Their Side going into s6 otherwise*, and maybe they don’t want that to be part of whatever arcs they’re planning for taylor (at least not at the start of things) and thus set rian up as someone to help them out in whatever they’re gonna be doing ever, rather than them just doing everything themself / having no one with whomst to turn relevant thoughts/motivation into external dialogue

*naturally, winston has been aboard the whole damn time and is now The remaining tml and has been supportive and done and said helpful things for taylor and never really let them down that we know of, but it sure doesn’t seem like the writers would put him in the role that rian seemingly has, as he may not be “serious” enough (and/or the whole possibility that the perspective of billions’ writing is that yes there may as well be like a ranked chart of Who’s The Smartest Characters that’s regarded as a “real”/objective concept here and, even if winston is smart, the [he’s autistic] stuff is like, a lack of “social” or “emotional” “intelligence” "or what have you”....this sure could be illuminated through rian also, as someone who has been willing to talk to him and doesn’t hate him, but guess we’ll see) like much that could be mulled over / discussed there but. just seems like “if rian and winston are the only named employees taylor has (which, there might be new named tmc employees introduced this season) it would be ‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’funny‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’ if winston STILL got no increased prominence, to taylor in particular, because of this” is a matter where like, it’s completely plausible that they will, in fact, be That hilarious(tm) (and whether or not they have any particular reason to be unwilling to write winston as having a more serious role in supporting taylor / be anyone they turn to or seek input from, or whether or not we can ever figure out what a hypothetical reason is even supposed to be, all the precedent we have just suggests They Are Not Writing It and no reason to not presume this may well continue)

and tbt to the matter of rian being a mirror for taylor (at least since they outright say they are seeing themself in her) and someone who questions taylor and can easily be disappointed about things here in a way she’ll theoretically quit over, and the matter of how taylor might regard whatever happens for rian re: themself, whether as that mirror to their Past Self or their Present Self’s impact/influence on things.....taylor’s in a different enough position now, where they haven’t been the newcomer intern for a good few years now, and with prince in axe’s place (and dollar bill having fucked off for the moment...) the Machismo Culture factor is probably diminished somewhat (or at least changed up some) where taylor’s just not As out of place as they were, though of course that’s still a factor and always will be. but just that maybe now it’s like, okay, taylor more than ever has this established place at the fund (even if they don’t really want it) and maybe they’re not so much actively struggling to prove themself / get anyone to listen to them, so Questioning / Criticism can come from a different place and a different direction, namely rian as this person who can herself question / criticize taylor, and who can inspire this self reflection / questioning / criticism in taylor b/c taylor perceives this similarity..........

and also we don’t know where tf taylor’s arc is going to start out this season, much less where it’ll go, and every 2 or 3 episodes any given character is like in a different world going in a different direction, and we also don’t know what else rian will get up to, b/c maybe soon enough she’ll be too busy with other stuff to be doing as much like [helping or questioning or causing introspection for taylor] but so far so “that was rian’s one moment of dialogue in the trailer and one shot of her tells us nothing abt what she’ll be getting up to either, but she sure is Here, and if she’s gonna have arcs then she’ll probably do stuff besides being talking with taylor (or being talked To by taylor)” and there’s absolutely no way to predict things even if we Knew all the factors that are gonna be at play, which we definitely don’t b/c it’s billions and they’ll throw surprises at us from the start. so idk, this is to say things will change and also that if rian’s written in This Much, which she is, she’s probably gonna have more stuff happening vs just helping taylor out anyways, But even the fact that she is / will continue to be like the most relevant employee supporting taylor’s big strategies or whatever doesn’t necessarily have to lead to “well, that has to go to shit, and soon, b/c billions” b/c it could well just be about knowing taylor could use Anyone Else to consistently help them out, and nobody else being available, except winston, but they never write him or them like that thus far so New Character it is and god knows what rian’s dynamic with winston is meant to be about if anything but that’s just another little classic wynnstan Shrugggg ongoing mystery that also cannot be guessed at at this juncture, b/c this is billions. tl;dr

[unproduciblesmackdown]

returning the favor: do you have any hcs re: winston, past or present, that you haven't expounded upon before or at length or just feel like talking about again. whatever you like

Thank You.......yeah idk really what hc's i've like "officially" described here that often lol, but then also there's that whole complication where i don't really ever come up with ideas & when asked anything i'm probably going [???] like, classics like "what do you like out of [broad parameter]" & it's like damn....i dunno. what ideas do i have about winsotn who i've thought about every day for > 2 yrs??? that's tough.....& Then the further chaos of like, when i do have hc's or w/e it's less discrete, concrete invented ideas & more towards the end of the spectrum that's like "well i kinda interpret this part of canon vaguely this way" &/or "i have This vague notion that i haven't solidified into a pretend fact or that i'm not at all committed to or take that seriously" where it's like, not only is this not really nailed down but it's basically free floating / i might have other ideas that would contradict each other lol. seems like a more concise list of Stats that are fully/exclusively my ideas is more exciting, but instead i can offer vague "i dunno / what ifs" based on vibes that i verbosely describe lmao, plus i'll forget a bunch of ideas i may have had i'm sure but you know. what else have i ever offered; never really trying to sell this material to otherwise uninterested parties or only make posts that guaranteed more than one person might enjoy, why would i be starting now; and ig if i write a bunch of stuff here & go "oh & i forgot like a half dozen obvious things" i can add on to it if it's a big deal.....plus it's always tricky with billions in particular being vague abt its own characters lmao, we only see [outside of work] personal stuff if it's going to become directly tied to [definitely at work] professional plotlines, or Maybe glimpse some character contextualizing things for the more central characters....side characters have more blanks to fill but also that means. just more that's blank lol & kinda a mystery of Up To Interpretation.....i figured one way to have any structure for this at all is to have a part looking at each winston involving episode's info. well anyways, after this meandering intro that kind of illustrates how i'm sure the rest of things will go here lol, i'm just gonna throw a bunch of stuff down in general. thanks again for the prompt to do so, b/c why not

really the one concrete discrete idea i have which isn't in the canon text is, of course: he is autistic

does he Know? idk. either way, think he's pretty aware of how he operates (& how he Can't operate), but if he doesn't know that's probably more for the "also: he's self loathing, which was basically textually implied" stuff lol. just mentioned it but i do always enjoy the tayston idea that taylor's talking abt in the past having it floated by a therapist/s or whomever that they could be autistic, them considering it but it not applying; winston going "hmm" & doing his own considering & researching & then maybe exclusively sharing the news w/taylor....but of course, maybe he's figured it out himself at some point before. i do think he'd figure it out himself though rather than anyone else directly suggesting it (maybe out here being diagnosed with "just the guy who sucks who we don't like / won't act right or normal" sort of usual experience) & i think, if he knows, he's not about to want ppl at work to know, b/c not as though anyone (but taylor & other quants) particularly seems to be impressed by his quanting proficiency, but he sure gets some validation/affirmation through that route (more re: that of course) and knows that ppl going "oh he's autistic so of course he's better at Doing Math / computer stuff as a like, mechanical efficiency sort of thing" or whatever. and the fact that taylor can interact with him / gives him some leeway to generally do his thing means he's kind of already got space to operate how he operates, see the start of this section....and idk. transitioning into the next section ig

just an Interpretation Of Canon thing here but, re: how these characters generally operate & what their reason is for being around doing stuff in the first place, i guess it's that winston does genuinely like to do & is interested in the math/coding stuff involved here, was also genuinely interested in working for taylor specifically (whatever The Hype specifically was), then you have taylor having the "despite your demeanor, your skills are superior" stance & appreciating what he can do & letting him do it by hiring him for real & all, & here we are, Q is for Quantitative, baby......he must find it rewarding enough to be getting to do this quanting stuff and also, the potential for validation when anyone recognizes he's good at it & by extension finds something about him good & wants him around to any degree

okay just that Episode By Episode stuff for a section here

3x03:

kinda extra room for interpretation b/c this was written as a one off character and reintroducing him in 3x09, written to be recurring, feels like it kinda offers a Soft Reboot for what we got here, where i guess how i take things is that we can suppose in both 3x03 & 3x09 winston's putting on a deliberate Performance to some degree based on what he thinks the potential employer wants to see, but it's also not completely fake / inaccurate either time, & like, maybe the 3x03 vibe wasn't a type of performance he'd only just ever put on for this axe cap interview, & even if it was deliberately bold maybe he was sort of thinking he Could bank on his value as a quant meaning he holds most of the cards (or can get away with acting like it)

building on that & as a More General point of interpretation again: think it's easy to suppose winston could've had an existence w/many elements of frustrations & disappointments & Rejection, but where like, he did figure out these areas of interest & proficiency that seemed to be a more positive force in his life, & leaned into them / focused on them further for it, & i could see him focusing on milestones / graduating from one thing to the next & conceptualizing like, well, if i just get to This point by working on This thing then i'll have it together & be able to move through existence more successfully, like, there's winston going into undergrad & kind of disappointed he's not having that good a time socially / feels like he's missing out / being left out still, but he can be like, well that's fine (: i'm totally fine abt it b/c i'm focusing on the Education & Experience here & when i'm entering the job market as an amazing quant anyone would want to hire then ppl will be seeing me in a positive light & things will fall into place / go great for me / i'll feel like i fit in & am doing things right within some structure. & i think maybe he Did have all those other job offers / opportunities & he was at least partly feeling a bit "objectively" confident, & also maybe just hoping he Could be that confident & that, you know, if he goes ahead & acts like that's the case, it could be confirmed / become true....anyways then obviously disillusionment time

since his outfits are introduced here: more "just how i'm interpreting canon" stuff in that i do just suppose he is mostly focusing on comfort & it'd kinda get in the way of things if he couldn't. flipflops might've been a statement piece but also i figure at least in part about the comfort / lack of much opportunity for restriction or ill fit or chafing texture or anything, same goes re: pants & shirts. interesting he likes to wear the patterned layers but doesn't really wear like, stripes or plaid ever. plus it could well be that Just A Tee is too informal unless you're the formalest of all by virtue of position, i.e. the ceo, but also we sure often enough see him wearing hoodies &/or multiple layers, like, maybe that's just for warmth or weight or what have you, always considering "what if it's about being self conchy as well (different way of saying self conscious)"

3x09:

so yeah with winston not having taken another job (at least maybe only like, temporary ones as these self contained gigs / just something to pay the bills) figure it's been a Depressive Period for him here lol & deliberately going on a journey of like self reflection / examination & going "haha yeah hated what i saw" is like, i don't think the self loathing is anything new, the confidence in 3x03 kind of an optimistic bandaid lol like well here's the new me as i understand / hypothesize / hope he could be, totally confident in being backed up by how valuable he is as a quant, then taylor kind of ripped that off and wound's open again but that wound was also not brand new or something he was unaware of / that didn't affect him before now

re: math meetup, i can see that being him presenting more evidence of his talent as a quant but also specifically going "see, i do this collaborative thing" to present this more conciliatory and cooperative approach to taylor, & am also taking it as evidence that he really does Enjoy math / coding stuff beyond it simply being a means to a professional end. i also like to think he has been / continues going to math meetup regularly, at least once a month, maybe every other week, and that it's this semi social event, like the relevant irl group you found back in the day that like, meets up for pizza before and drinks afterwards. i also like to think that, like, while he might come off as A Bit Much during said math meetup / just speak up frequently enough and often enough with some insistence lol, people Are there to meet up about the math and his contributions Are valued despite if his delivery/approach isn't always endearing or whatever. and even if he's not really popular / warmly embraced in the more [socializing event] bookends of the meetup, he's perfectly tolerated, and there's even a person or two or three (also regular attendees) who do vibe with him enough to like, invite / even want him to sit with them / talk with them outside that Math Setting. math meetup pals, maybe he doesn't meet up with these people outside these events but maybe they have each other's contacts and sometimes text. not these intimate personal relationships, but still something real and positive and refreshing. it'd be nice if math meetup could kinda be like what he hoped for from quanting, this way his math lets him "qualify" to access this group / activity, his aptitude "making up for" perceived lack of interpersonal / social charm & charisma & what have you, & having some reliably friendly people around even if of course that's not on its own going to mean he's totally socially fulfilled / not often lonely or anything. hc: he's often lonely & not totally socially fulfilled

he does, of course, want to work for taylor specifically, as long as they want him to, and this is sort of his second chance to find validation through working as a quant lol. think that yeah sure winston likes validation in general, who doesn't but also of course he's maybe a bit Above Average sensitive to / keen on it, but he'll also care about Affirmation if it's coming from people whose opinion he particularly values. think that it's easy to suppose he's also especially sensitive to taylor's assessments here thanks to the fact they really hit a (raw) nerve with him like, sure is the potential to get caught up in feedback loop city & say, have a few months mired in self loathing & an especial lack of certainty & confidence, if someone's kinda gone "i hate your self hatred" lol, but he also Did have this especial interest in / high opinion of taylor before that 3x03 interview, & so that's what continues to be part of it here

but then also interpreting that second 3x09 scene as like, he Does independently Know His Value as a quant and yknow not only has his pride but also can't and isn't going to first and foremost focus on trying to socially perform being peak Accommodating and Appealing here lol. but he still cares about what taylor thinks, wants to work for/with them, and i think it was Mutually Appreciated in the last scene that there was Mutual Effort to cooperate w/the other, giving him a Cue instead of just being mad & obfuscating it unless & until giving up on him completely or w/e is Constructive. interpreting winston as someone who sure can be a bit petty on purpose, especially in the face of some wounded pride (where he seems to take pride in his quant abilities & maybe not much of anything else: see the self loathing otherwise), but isn't really one to be deliberately antagonistic, especially not towards, yknow, the person he specifically wants to appeal to, but he also knows he can come off as grating whether inadvertently or not, so he might be testing the waters a little as well

3x11

he's using headphones even though no one else is in the room, that's a preference / he may also just like to block out other sound in general, as there's no audio of [winston's music faintly playing as / before he takes off his headphones] or indication he paused anything. does he like metal, what with the yngwie malmsteen reference? maybe, but that might just be a Billions Reference thing that isn't meant to indicate much / anything abt the specific character. i don't have any hcs about it anyways besides "okay" if so

first time we see his watch, it's not the calculator watch until s5 but i am a fan of said calc watch....gotta suppose it could represent him being here for the math of it all, what with how fancy/expensive watches are kinda the whole like status / power play thing, and a calculator watch is, afaik, not expensive, these casio calculator watch listings i'm seeing are all priced like, $15 to $25 range. so.

2nd scene is the first time we see sleeves pushed up, a frequent choice, maybe if he's focusing sleeves against forearms / Wrists & Hands can be bothersome. also not the first time he puts his hands in his pockets but i think that's a deliberate choice for winston's sort of Default Pose, equate it to the choice to have jared hang / hold on to his backpack straps.

guess he can also be a bit petty / rude / grating on purpose if ppl are getting in the way of his mathing / coding or otherwise thwarting it, at least probably taylor can relate / sympathize what with them wanting to Get It Right / being bothered if people get it wrong but could've avoided this

noticing all the caffeine and the fact he maybe didn't leave the basement / was powering through that project All At Once....just noting that down as a potential Approach, wanting to not interrupt focus &/or bear down & keep a fairly intense pace until it's finished / stay in the zone or what have you

definitely doing some deliberately cocky Testing / pushing back / amicable power struggle with taylor there, confirming he does have leverage due to that quanting ability after all, Despite His Demeanor / not being "sweet"

by this point definitely consciously kinda wants taylor to rail him.

4x03

i have no concrete hc's of instances inspiring winston to think he's "always seeing the future" but god i wish he did. he's right a lot though, maybe he just notices as much lol

talking mostly to taylor here, then concluding with "i only thought it but didn't say it; doesn't count....damnit." like he wants Their validation thanks, even if recognizing his Win here still wouldn't help them either way....also first time we see him w/coworkers for real, he's really freely Interacting.....time to go ahead and say he'd like to be work friends / at least have friendly interactions at work, might be a bit desperate for such positive social interactions, especially in this environment where he thinks the "objectively" good thing about him is most relevant, but it's cringe & fail (&/or vulnerable to Attack) to outright Want something, like validation / affirmation / a positive response or a simple "yeah you're right" "positive" response

first Space Shirt, followed by ones that are like, also &/Or Sci Fi Shirts. does he like space? i guess so

he's autistic

4x08

here & in 4x11, we don't know how he's gotten this info about taylor re: the arc w/their dad or with axe cap, but he's apparently mused on it on his own like this & isn't just quoting what someone else told him about how taylor must feel about xyz & how that might apply to the situations at hand, even though (unless he cassandra'd it) he wouldn't've had that much cause to suppose it'd definitely be relevant to have ideas about how taylor feels / is navigating a situation & why, maybe he just likes to be prepared like that / stay in the loop but yknow, maybe he's just also interested in them as a person beyond what's most immediately relevant to him doing quant stuff for them

he's already done the sort of kicking himself / wincing / apologizing or agreeing he fucked up an exchange thing before but, the genuine disappointment / momentary discouragement in it always lol....self loathing guy

love how he has these little like, clarifying explanations of things. "total control of the instrument," "always seeing the future," "because i win".....he's out here wanting to communicate to connect & to be understood, not so much as a potential for a power play / status climb and thus a conflict.....can see ppl who are used to / Do see interactions in that light to interpret winston yelling about having won as a like, rubbing it in people's faces show of superiority thing, but pretty sure he's just excited and wants a high five

4x11

having talked about the fact none of the desks in the tmc hq main floor seem to be winston's (& knowing that Could just be wroland not being reliably available to be in the bg of shots lol, analyzing s4 shots for some Consistently Empty desk) but it is fun to also consider that maybe tmc Could've had a secret extension in that that quant haunt in the basement was kept. a little more furnishing and it could be pretty chill, even though the lack of windows might not always be ideal. where's he sit!

also the whole "guy who'd be the first one smothered" moment like, guess i could've mentioned it in 3x03 more but yeah my Headcanon here is that winston maybe has a master's degree, not a phd though (him saying "50 phds" in 3x11 i think was meant to differentiate from him on both points, aka he's 1 guy, without a phd) & this is his first "real" job in any field. b/c i'm guessing like, people are here to get Paid, but as mentioned w/the watch (& just how winston acts in general, he doesn't really seem like he's raring to show off / really take advantage of having money or anything) it doesn't seem like he's, like, the "exceptionally focusing on personally making as much as possible" guy, and lauren's remark seems to emphasize / place the context on winston just not having like, savings from prior salaried years at a job or anything, more of a practical matter, maybe he's out here hoping for some more financial security, also they are all living in nyc, so. on that note, maybe he has an okay apartment but like, not without problems / not absolutely ideal, but it's okay. this would just be Convenient as an hc also lol

don't think the monologue was completely memorized, but it wasn't completely off the cuff either, he'd maybe been brainstorming scripts in his head / had some particular parts solidified word for word, but also hardly think he was guaranteed planning to deliver an admonishlogue at all, seems like it was some important factors that he was just kind of already irritated, nobody was listening / people Were social pressuring him to drop it or not interested in entertaining like "yeah i think you should talk to taylor about it" at all, think it was clear that talking to others was only going to lead to them telling him to drop it / trying to not have anyone say anything to taylor, and then that taylor just jumped in, which i hardly think he was hoping for

always Something that we can expressly see winston moving to sit down in that soon to be empty meeting room as everyone else is clearly filing out lol, like, can see how he might not be able to go "well, back to work" immediately and need some irritation / feeling like shit / guess who just got yeeellllllllllled aaaaaat to burn off, might need some time to absorb "well i guess i just deferred so no bonus as was probably expected," but can also suppose that maybe when winston gets majorly Shut Down he has shutdowns. saying all of four words in the wake of things, otherwise the fact he has this approach of tensing up, not talking at all, kind of just holding onto eye contact as his last way of "properly" participating in the exchange w/o bailing entirely, while also outwardly withering, like clearly these kinds of moments are pretty significantly affecting....feels like he could find it difficult to talk much, or at all, in the wake of some / need some time to recuperate a bit & have some distance & quiet & not just jump back into work like he's having a fine and normal time. sometimes pondering like, not only those notions like taylor insisting winston not be Interrupted when he hasn't technically started talking yet (giving him the buffering / latency time) but also like, fun kinda imagining them sitting across from each other having a texting conversation....or times winston would rather have an exchange via email......or make use of the sticky notes......or just have taylor talking to him and picking up on his nonverbal responses

winston's very Not present in tmc meetups / get togethers this season & again we know that this could be because his actor wasn't very available but it's still the case In Canon that there's only so many tmcers and they're all seeing each other outside work / market hours for varyingly formal or informal purposes & he's never included. & simultaneously hold the hc's that he could be choosing not to go or he could just never be invited in the first place l o l.....in either of these situations the reason for declining to go or being excluded could be up to "b/c other ppl don't like having him around" and idk, best case scenario is he doesn't want to go for some other reason, but he acts pretty okay with the All Hands meetups we do see / when in meetings with the other named employees he's pretty raring to interact with them, so :/

4x12

i do like to think it's fun to imagine What If Taylor Had A Phonecall With Winston Before This Monologue; someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure, i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.....just them both having a more sympathetic approach with each other and a sort of dialed back reconciliation, tbt 3x09, without an audience / roomful of other people

do think that his wearing a tmc logo tee into axe cap hq was a deliberate Statement Piece, like wearing flipflops into axe cap in his true first time being there lol

first time we see the backpack, & the headphones (in this season), like the point you (nothingunrealistic) made about the backpack possibly kind of exerting pressure / compression in a Sensory Way. let's see it again

as good a time as any to bring up how it's such a consistent pattern that it Must be a choice that winston smiles in this direction :/ and grimaces / winces / frowns this way :\ but a choice of the actor of course, was it ever a conscious thing on winston's end, would not put it beyond the realm of possibility he's ever consciously thought of stuff like "even if words fail me(tm) i Gotta hang on to eye contact".....i'm thinking of times he is smiling hard enough that you just gotta do it more symmetrically, like here in 4x12

5x01

he likes bagels

think that this could've been another case of "people who are used to interactions used for conflict / power plays / stepping on other people to status climb (axe cappers in general, maybe team ben having to be extra prone to be on the lookout for these strategies when they're more often on the receiving end of them) misinterpreting winston socializing as means of connection (wanting to talk about the common work thread / interest with coworkers)"

even if for some reason quants were cold shouldering axe cappers like, a sound strategy even if team ben are worthy exceptions. Winston Can Get Petty When People Blame Quants Talking About Being Quants For Axe Cappers Harassing Tmc & also when in the process of doing so everyone's like "also you're smarter than us but no you're not, any math quants could do fundamental analysts could do better" like, winston getting more deliberately antagonistic when ppl are going after his Math Aptitude / value as a quant when that's his "objective" point of pride & confidence & possibly like haha self loathing can't get me here

5x02

winston's decimal points being more precise here i think indicates that the show is not taking the stance of "yeah the quants are just any old analysts with an attitude of superiority" lol

do think he selected that particular seating placement b/c it's like, hey furthest away from axe cap, most aligned with taylor's desk & angled towards it, perfect.....what a letdown

guess this episode suggests he and mafee have chats sometimes, and winston maybe confides At All Sensitive Info w/the guy? bold

always just smh like well thank god we were given this subplot where winston was a plot device really for dollar bill's arc or whatever............what a gift

5x03

just noticing as always how winston is the one person saying they should go for it vs the other two's skepticism / trepidation, and taylor decides to go for it.....they do value his input / trust his judgment

i am also noticing how often winston, as the math guy who doesn't really fit in w/ the whole axe / caply approach & style, has this role in giving taylor these crucial opportunities to pursue their own direction rather than be mired down in the misery of axe cap determining everything....3x11 & his algorithm letting them break completely away from axe cap, 4x11 & his admonishlogue making some Points & then next episode taylor does decide to abandon the revenge jag & says they were wrong & they're sorry....5x03 & this nlp strategy plotline being the first thing taylor could actively pursue for tmc after 2 eps of being dragged painfully through axe cap nonsense, & the fact this, in the next episode, leads to the Impact Fund idea / mase carb

5x04

see that last point

5x05

guess that until confirmed, The Glances being significant is a Headcanon Interpretation lol. anyways i do like taylor giving him these discreet, nonverbal cues as a very deliberate method of communication titrated betwixt them

oh right and an Age Cue here, before that was nailed down i think i already hc'd winston as either the same age as, or a year older than taylor, and that's still true lol, think that's how it goes with the timelines (taylor's being kinda uncertain, and winston's as well, having prior just kinda gone "well if taylor's 22 when they show up as the typical post undergrad age, and each season spans approx a year, and maybe winston spent just a year or two post undergrad getting a master's b/c nothing nails down how long it would take & he could've kinda been ahead of the curve as it were, he could be, say, 23 thru 25 in s3 when he shows up, to taylor's Maybe 23" as the Idea)

just wants to work for taylor as long as they'll have him, but would also like to be openly valued / affirmed on a pretty basic level lol...

one of those matters that's like, i do think that this is what the material is Trying to convey but it's not concrete / explicit, in that i think winston somewhat Likes rian right off lol like. i mean he's also still annoyed on principle, this is maybe his replacement & that stings that it's even a possibility & of course he has reason to want to feel like "oh well this person Clearly sucks" lol, but then there he is trying to scope out the situation & get immediate intel & it's like, here's this fellow 20something you immediately think is pretty (the mental comparison to an A lister as a dunk, lmao) & you see her being perfectly friendly with your nice coworker you're also friendly enough with, that's one degree of separation, now here he comes talking about how cool & epic & smart & capable she is, again makes sense he's still first & foremost bothered by the situation & has cause to just be more jealous about how well everyone immediately thinks of her (see: winston making bad first impressions that may never be undone, the fact other coworkers were probably never going around openly impressed with / praising him after meeting him for 5 sec, or like, ever) but i suppose this immediate underlying sense of attraction / affinity hits in that First Sighting as well

love that we see the feet up on the desk show of confidence again, very funny & glad it's back.....a tool in his arsenal for when he's Very Bothered But (unsuccessfully) Acting Very Unbothered / when he's trying to pitch for his employment lol

when did he have a first gf? perfect time for an hc.....feels like it'd have been like, idk, older high schoolers at the youngest, that kind of emotional commentary....or in college. sometimes pondering the idea like, what if he had a bf first actually.....or not, & Feeling A Way around other guys sometimes like, hmm guess i think this guy is pretty cool &/or i'm kinda like "god i wish that were me" about, then some more noticeable Tension as he's older even if he can't really discern the reason b/c this person's pretty nice & cool actually, hmm. then one day you're doing hw together with a while for code to compile & Oh Hey Lol

meanwhile think clearly rian defuses the Reason For Rivalry (and also clearly immediately likes him / interacting with him & you know, outright sticks up for him & in this significant way) & then when they connect over Math it's all coming together very outright like Oh Hey Lol 😳

also he Gets Right Back To Work easily enough, & like, i think already there's a deliberate performance of "i'm now totally unbothered," but he's just pretty good at shaking things off apparently. & he kind of has to be, to not bail completely or else tamp down his own personality / avoid interactions, but you know. plus that like, he may get irritated when his pride's wounded but around here people can have a whole crisis & arc about it if their egos are bruised in the slightest, so like. pretty blasé

5x06

this isn't really any hc or Interpretation by any stretch but this is the first time we've seen winston pull that particular attitude in that second scene with rian and it's beautiful.....if something's bothering him he's so often like outright indignant but this is like, i'm Bothered but i'm being so dignant about it, for like 4 sec

also the bright green hoodie / bright, high contrast, geometric blockbuster tee is so Vivid but like, always noting how he wears relatively colorful outfits. fun to go "maybe this one's deliberately extra eye catching b/c of this new crush" lol

5x07

the difficulty in reading that much into things when the lack of sobriety could be making any & everything an outlier, & can't even really read into "apparently down to take stimulants (beyond caffeine) on a dime" b/c well, so is everyone else, so that this situation can unfold, we knew he had a crush on rian (or i guess we didn't, but this is pretty direct about it), we knew he likes validation, taylor Knows him well enough that it's not just like "oh he's acting weird? well that's winston for you" to them, which we also knew but it's fun to confirm further lol

and now for some more free floating / general concepts

family? i have no idea. feel like he either has no siblings or several but yknow, anything's possible. we know what he's like Now, don't think he got that solid self esteem / self confidence as an emergent quality from [everything that happened to him before 3x03] & don't suppose he has this like, rock solid close warm familial relationship of understanding & unconditional love & support w/whoever he grew up with, parents or siblings or whoever he lived with....like, the relationship/s could be Fine but you know, still not all that close

i don't think he was every completely friendless (or if he was, it didn't last Too long) in terms of like, throughout school maybe he had some pals, no amazing close [fingers crossed Like That] ones where someone had like, grown up as his next door bestie and they did everything together & knew everything about each other, nothing all that close, but he had people to sit with at lunch or what have you, even if at times like, the table nobody else really sits at but the people who don't have anywhere else to sit lmao. maybe some slightly closer friendships here & there, but people often kind of got subsumed into other friend groups that he wasn't otherwise a part of / otherwise just kind of gradually distanced again...but also possible he had perfectly amicable occasions of like, maybe only having a class or two with certain people, not striking up intimate friendships but hitting it off well enough.........like, winston's out here Not having been stomped down into suppressing his personality all the time, he's still fairly earnest & forthcoming & eager to connect, just sort of vaguely going for "he maybe have always had this element of discouragement & disappointment re: socializing / connecting / forming relationships / sometimes just being accepted on a basic level, but he also didn't have his spirit totally extinguished either" although there's also the room for stuff like, yknow, him Holding Out Hope like "well nobody likes me now / i'm unhappy but maybe once i'm in college [gets to college & still isn't having a great time] okay well once i Enter The Workforce" lol. you know

but it's also like, hardly think he's Only Just Now experiencing the [winston: ___ everyone: get his ass] type stuff & pushback & punishment & disdain over not really doing anything but people hate his style & vibe, & feel like there's also still room for like, yep wow got burned sometimes / having had some pretty negative experiences......we do have to end up in this place where, you know, 3x03 happens and he doesn't just go "guess finance isn't for me!" & dust himself off & go get some Guarantees from some tech firms, & instead he's Really Glad [Taylor] Called & hasn't taken some other more desired job between 3x03 & that call & is immediately like "good news: i do hate myself" so like, can't see him having just thrived his way to this point....evidently not all dating relationships have been just epic highs & victories, maybe he has those math meetup pals now & maybe idk there's other people he's in sort of in contact with, maybe people from college / grad school or the like, still not that close, figure he's generally been lonely like, overall, despite regularly enough seeking out / striving for connections

oh yeah speaking of, the idea that he has a cat maybe lol, in part simply for company, a little guy that lives in your house / apartment....but also maybe he doesn't

always just some general notions like, also idk maybe he engages in hobbies, talks to people through that just like with math meetup....talked about the Embroidery idea, got that computers/programming connection, was thinking like, idk fuck it amateur photography, develop your own film, maybe he took a class in college or high school or something, same with like, maybe he plays a musical instrument, said "the cello, why not" about that as an early [shrug] idea lol. he does like space, maybe he does Anything with that....rip to any astronomy clubs In Nyc like, guess you're not seeing shit, but. 4x11 au, after deferring his bonus he goes to some cool cinematographic celestial occasion like taylor & the sea glass fish carousel lmao. taylor catches up & they have their [i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart] exchange lol.....except also not, b/c you wouldn't really want to have Parallels with m/any moments ft. wendy & taylor :/

recalled like a particularly casual / throwaway idea about like "lol what if he was somewhat thalassophobic" in part b/c once actor william dropped that lore abt himself in an interview, but. could have somewhat some other phobia/s. or not really any! what a world

maybe sometimes he's out here like, single & ready to Fuck like, focusing on just hooking up w/people sometimes rather than really looking to date at the juncture, although it could both be true like, he'd Like to be dating but also doesn't really currently want to do all the Putting Himself Out There & such of seeking it out / trying to consciously navigate it, but sometimes it's more manageable like, just wanting to have sex. looking out for himself when he can & how he can lol

speaking of, some vague sexy hcs

gets pegged

especial fan of Tongue Against Tongue texture, enjoys some Grounding elements to avoid being overwhelmed / narrow things to the more relevant sensory input at hand, like the weight/pressure of a partner leaning / lying against him / holding him tightly, if he's overwhelmed in a good way / kinda got some sensory overflow in a good way he might cry during sex In A Good Way lol, took some time maybe in his Personal Sexual Experience to figure out some general differences in "what he doesn't like at all" or "what's off the table / too unpleasant for him at some times but Not necessarily at all times & might be completely enjoyable sometimes," like, am i willing to perform oral sex, am i willing & Enthusiastically so, is that way too much actually, it can be all of them at varying times....maybe in more everyday general situations he refrains from stims in front of others unless stressed enough, but while having sex with someone especially if at all nervous it's like, there can be this transition between repressing stims & being more unfiltered / uninhibited where they kind of build up & then come through in kicks only to be reined back in, either like, he simply does go for a more reined in approach the whole time or anyone else is willing to ride this out with him / he kind of has the time & space to figure out more of a flow, in which case he might still stim but you know, not as though people aren't used to stims in this situation, i.e. reacting to stimulation with movement & vocalization is at least expected & it could once again be like "well he's a bit weird with it but hey" lol or you know, not that some partners can't be understanding or have had experience w/similar partners. hardly make or break but this can be a vulnerable interaction here / hard to shake the self consciousness & sense of "i Do have to filter myself and act The Right Way" all at once just b/c you'd want to

hey and let him sing karaoke or something lmao, winston is as Dramatic as he is, he would give a performance. work in a way to let everyone who sings sing around lol, could throw in some Affectations so that it's like yeah winston can sing without having to be like "wow winston, when'd you become a trained broadway performer" lmao. imagine. which reminds me of the time will joked about like, oh yeah winston Gets That A Lot re: people recognizing he looks like the guy in deh, aka will roland....the limitations of "this is set in real nyc" including occasional references to recent / popular shows, fuck it maybe will roland does also exist in the billions universe. well anyways it would be fun. the karaoke anyways, and that he'd give a top tier Performance whether or not people are first and foremost enjoying his technical / artistic skill at the art of singing, it'd at least be personality infused and engaging

taking it way back to the ideas about winston's social misadventures in general, i'm sometimes considering for fics i never end up writing if he might have some like, misgivings / anxieties about like, is this person i Like acting like they maybe Like me back as some kind of elaborate joke, & maybe the caution comes from experience like you know, classic over the line "pranks" like asked out As A Joke, kissed As A Dare that he wasn't aware of, think there could be like, would be Friendship / friendly acquaintanceship experiences in there where such "pranks" / "jokes" / "messing with him" (and not in a good way) could happen, or even just you know, more Spontaneously, don't even know this person & he's treated as a joke for other ppl's entertainment, realizing at the time or retrospectively like oh maybe i was more being bullied then having any positive social interaction / getting to feel at least "included" or what have you, like, the idea of getting to hang out with a group as The Funny Guy, but he's had these experiences getting to hang out with a group & realize it's b/c they thought he was funny / Amusing in a laughing At him, not with him way, which is easy also b/c winston isn't really out here trying to be funny that we've seen lol. only realizing he was still being excluded after some time / distance from the situation, or escalating open hostility / just more blatant meanness / over the line shit from some people, maybe some stuff that just immediately feels shitty but he figured was just like, well idk, maybe that's normal & still friendly, maybe it also felt more outright embarrassing / demeaning at the time but it's like haha yeah you got me :'] at the time just to save any face lol.....possible unexpected / spontaneous amicability in his socializing history, but also shittiness, whether it's coming at him all at once or he's kind of holding out hope like, well, i just keep at it / have a Friendly attitude here and surely i'll make friends b/c if people didn't like me At All why are they talking to me / letting me be here at all.....

always kind of pondering Fashion Variation, we haven't seen it but it could be possible, musing on "what would he think Looks Good On Him / how does he feel capable of like, dressing for romantic success or what have you lol" like, was the vivid 5x06 outfit anything, cue the drawing like, a bralette & short shorts is shaking it up and could be a Felt Cute outfit and could also be comfortable enough....not always That much room in men's(tm) fashion before you start having to be aware of [Gender] and dunno that winston out here has had the inspiration / motivation / opportunity to consider / try out / explore but hey. what are we here for

just remembered that post like "uhh i just saw a guy crying in the library & then his phone alarm went off & he stopped crying, opened his laptop & started typing / it's called time management" lmao like winston's not out here having the Most amazing time, he could have such Time Management experiences of like, letting it out some on purpose but then reining it right back in, and/or just like some spontaneous paroxysms of crying for a minute or two more unexpectedly in a "do you ever [experience a tiny inconvenience] & realize the thread by which you're hanging on is quite thin" way or otherwise, you know, oops experienced this frustration & now i'm crying over it, or idk, just feeling a bit more vulnerable for whatever reason & something has unexpectedly plucked some emotional string attached to another string attached to another & the resonance = i'm crying now ig. he can't be Thriving out here & i don't think he's all about having such a stranglehold on emotions that he's like oh tf i Never cry (aside from having sex, in a good way)

although speaking of like, emotional repression, maybe he's out here just "good at" compartmentalizing some experiences lol in that "well anyways, back to work" way & stuff like, sure he knew he was risking it in 4x11 but it also did not seem to affect his dynamic with mafee at all lmao like wow.....

think that him not really having anything on his work desk is a choice / preference but also am not sure that that really applies to anything else lmao. what if he had a little plant. that'd be funny

oh yeah and the idea that winston might literally have like prophetic dreams & they're just kind of a nuisance to him but sometimes they can be plot devices in fics (that don't exist) about him kissing people

well i'm just calling it a night there lol but like, it always feels Lacking writing out hc's like, plenty of ideas but also hardly any, and yet the fact that other individual ideas are so Vague / casual that it wouldn't be like "oh i gotta share this via post or manifesting it some other way" so then it feels like, oh no, if i don't list absolutely Everything on something that's specifically a list of hc's, i can never talk about whatever gets left out......and just that like, i ought to have a bunch of really specific, concrete, unique Factoids about winston here to be of any interest but hey lmao. that hypothetical set of concepts is never gonna happen, & the Ultimate Comprehensive List Of Everything I've Ever Pondered Re: Winston is also going to be difficult lmfao (not as though that's what you've asked in the first place) but you know, we took a swing at things here & covered some ground & the thinking about & talking about winston never ends, & this isn't really a post meant to have broad appeal / if you're not already having fun reading vague musings about the quant then i'm sorry you're reading this after having read all that and gone "wow, i'm disappointed" lmao but hey, weird choices made to bring you to this point......also god knows plenty of hcs are more filed away under specific like [Tayston], [Benston], [Riawin] sort of things (lol, [Mafon]) b/c on the one hand, i find it easier to kind of think in Scenarios and the details particular to the "scenes" therein, but i am also not good at thinking of those scenarios! out here operating on vibes, he's autistic and wants to kiss taylor (also now rian but that's kinda right in canon, not just my head) and that's really the crucial info here

[unproduciblesmackdown]

comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....