#I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I saw the first clip

[sexynetra]

I forgot how annoying cropping videos for tumblr is but have you guys seen this

[cryobabyy]

Cooper Adams x Fem!Reader

PART(3/5)

He was peculiarly clean— too clean to be at a hardware store past midnight. No dirt on his jeans, or janitor's name patch, or construction vest. He smelt like most men— Irish spring, sandalwood, musk, bergamot, etc. In daylight hours, you wouldn't have thought anything about his tight and fawning smile, the gallon of industrial cleaning solution, and the seven yards of vinyl tarp he slides across the counter at the end of the month. He always smiles when he pays. You smile back despite your intuition advising against it. Something about the interaction feels cold. God, you sound like your fucking father.

OR

You work the graveyard shift at a hardware store with extended hours to put you through pre-med. You meet a DILF who is definitely not The Butcher.

AN: Sorry for the wait on this chapter. I had a final, saw Trap again (I almost died), and then I kind of re-wrote like half of it lol, but here we are! Enjoy!

The last time you talked about your Father to anyone was when you discussed what his headstone would say with the Funeral home office lady. You hadn’t uttered a word about him since. Not to a therapist, not to a friend, not even your roommate. You used his life insurance policy to hire an estate clean-up company to empty the house, and you watched from the curb as men in hazmat suits brought out pile after pile of newspaper clippings, empty medication bottles, and old electronics. After that, the house was unrecognizable- an empty shell, save for the marks on the door of your childhood bedroom. Thin pencil lines climb toward the frame with your name, date, and height nestled next to each other. You threw the deed to the house and your keys in your car’s glove compartment, but you haven’t been inside since. If it was out of sight, it was out of mind. If you didn’t talk about it, it couldn’t hurt you.

A floodgate was opened that night the truth came flying out of your mouth. You were okay with never speaking about it again, but now you couldn’t stop. It was exhilarating to release even the tiniest fraction of what you had bottled up for two years, and Cooper's validation was intoxicating. It was so different than the suffocating sympathy and condolences from Dad’s neighbors, who watched from their porches as you struggled to talk him out of confronting the mailman about wiretapping his mailbox. You felt the stares in line at the grocery store. You heard the passing whispers about the suicide on Bleaker Ave. This town wouldn’t let you forget that you were tethered to tragedy.

Cooper was the first person to say something other than ‘Poor thing. What a shame’. A random man you barely knew was the first person to afford you the luxury of dignity. You weren’t aware you could be anything other than a victim until Cooper Adams started treating you like a normal person. Against your better judgment, you began to look forward to the smiles, corny jokes, and his tendency to overshare. 

You knew it was weird and wrong to befriend a married man like this. You couldn’t help but think about his wife, how she would feel if she knew her husband was using his lunch breaks to bring you food and ask about your day. The thought of his family used to be a comforting reminder that he wasn’t dangerous, but now it makes your stomach hurt. You tell yourself you aren’t doing anything wrong. It was just an unlikely friendship- nothing more. 

You get butterflies when he comes waltzing in with a muffin and a coffee.

Goddamit.

“Oat milk, three sugars, three creams. And somebody dropped these off for the guys today, so I snagged you one. It’s blueberry. Did you eat dinner today?” He sets down a steaming cup of coffee and a neatly saran-wrapped muffin. You meet his hazel eyes, and he stares back. For a moment, you’re not sure what to say. Cooper furrows his brow, a smirk curling his lips.

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t like blueberry.”

“You’re weird.” You scoff, unwrapping the confection and taking a bite.

“So you do like blueberry.” He mumbles pensively,  crossing his arms and leaning against the counter.

“You know I’m at work, right? Like I’m supposed to be working?” You say through a mouthful of muffin. Cooper glances around the empty store before landing on you.

“Looks like I’m the only paying customer here, kid.” A sly smile spreads across his face, and your heart stutters like the engine of your shitty car. 

And just like that, he lulls you into another conversation. Cooper speaks in a way that makes you forget you’re telling him details about your life you’ve never told anyone before. He knows that you have a roommate you barely speak to and that you moved out when you were twenty. He's aware of how you took care of your Father during those final years and how he secretly stopped taking his medication. He knows about the guilt that consumed you for never noticing, for being too busy trying to build a life outside his chaos. You even told him you sometimes visit the house to check the mail. You'd sit on the curb across the street just to stare and remember when it was just a house and not a landmark for your grief.

“Why don’t you just sell it and use the money to buy your own place? The property value has probably skyrocketed since.” At this point in the conversation, Cooper has a stool pulled up to the counter, brows knitted together in concentration. He’s always asking you questions nobody’s ever cared to ask.

“I don’t know. I guess… If I get rid of it, it feels like I’m getting rid of him. He accused me of that all the time. He was convinced I turned against him.” You shrug, swirling around the last bit of coffee in your cup.

“I get it. My independence was like an insult to my mother. She hated my wife—said that she was taking me away from her. I’ll never forget the look on her face when I told her we were getting married.” He looks off into the distance as if he’s watching the memory unfold in front of him.

You see an opportunity, so you take it.

“How did you two meet?” You say slowly, cautiously testing the waters.

“Me and Rachel? I did a fire safety demo for the kids at the school where she was working. God, that was—what? Fifteen years ago? Things were so different then.” He trails off. There was something different in the timber of his voice—regret? You hold in a breath as he continues.

“A lot changes when you have kids. Years can pass, and you won’t notice how much you’ve grown apart. And then pretty soon, the kids are the only thing you have in common.” He stares for a moment longer before suddenly snapping out of his daze. 

“Sorry, am I oversharing?” He drags a big hand down his tired face, and you roll your eyes.

“I mean, I’m the one with the dead dad, so I think I have you one-upped on that.”

“You got me there.” He chuckles. You’re glad he’s not bothered by your inherent morbidity. It makes you feel normal.

There’s a thick pause. You glance upward to find Cooper staring at you, a strange expression on his face. No one’s ever looked at you like that before, and for a split second, you feel exposed. Like it was his first time really seeing you.

“What?”

“I just hope you know you’ll be okay.” 

You’re gearing up to brush it off with something witty, but Cooper beats you to it.

“No, seriously. You made it to the other side of all this— you made it out. And you’re still good. You didn’t turn it into something worse. You’re incredible—and I mean that. It’s inspiring.”

There’s no charming smile or trace of playfulness in his voice. You feel frozen, unsure of what to say or how to proceed. 

And then his gaze flickers to your mouth and lingers there for a moment too long. You watch him watch you, chest rising and falling, his expression tight. Like he’s holding something back. Your hands tingle with the desire to touch something. You feel the urge to reach out and grab something of his– his hand, the lapels of his jacket, the slope of his neck - and pull him into you. It still wouldn’t be close enough. If you could reach into his chest and hold his beating heart in your palm, you would.

And that terrifies you. 

Cooper clears his throat, swiftly standing from the stool. 

“Well, would you ook at that— lost track of time. I have to head back.” He mumbles, patting his jacket pockets to find his keys. Before you can even respond, he’s striding towards the door.

“Right. See you later, Cooper.” You busy yourself by throwing the empty coffee cup and the remains of the muffin in the trash.

He calls your name, snapping your attention to him again.

“You’ll be okay.” He repeats.

“I know.” 

You smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes.

You don’t see Cooper for an entire month after that. The entirety of October passes. You spend nights preparing for your midterm and ringing up PVC pipes, hammers, and plumbing snakes. You debate texting him, going back and forth between writing a paragraph apologizing for potentially crossing a line or a paragraph telling him off for disappearing. Both options never make it out of the notes app.

A definitive emotion hasn’t settled in your mind yet. Anger doesn’t feel justified. Rejection feels too assuming, and dejection hurts your pride. Every fleeting emotion feels blown out of proportion, so you try to feel nothing at all– because anything else would be fucking ridiculous.

Cooper was married. He had children. He had a life. And all you had were the moments of his spare time in between. You had nothing. You didn’t even have a reason to call him– until you did.

On the way home from the night shift, your car battery dies on a dark and empty backroad. Other than your roommate, you have only one other person to call.

Your finger hovers over the call button as you consider what you'll do if he doesn’t answer. Your racing heart makes your thumb shake.

It rings two times before he picks up.

After a month of radio silence, he pulls up in 30 minutes.

Seeing him exit the driver’s side door like nothing had changed is odd. The complicated feelings you’ve been fending off die in an instant and leave you feeling numb. He looked the same; maybe his hair was longer, just long enough for him to push behind his ears. When he walks toward you, you finally begin to feel something again– panic. Inside your mind, you’re frantically flipping through appropriate things to say. I missed you. Where the fuck have you been? Why?

He’s standing in front of you before you can decide.

“You alright?” He asks, his brow furrowed with concern. He looks to your old beat-up car, then to you.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s been stalling recently. I should have gotten it checked out sooner. Thanks for coming. I hate to bother you like this.” You can’t help but sound embarrassed. You had built this moment up in your imagination to be a staunch confrontation, but reality made you feel dumb. This was a grown man that had grown man shit to do other than play therapist with you. You felt small next to him like this. You regret not calling your roommate first.

“I’m happy to help. It’s cold—why don’t you wait in my car? It’s open.”

You wordlessly hand him your keys, grab your bag, and walk towards his car, leaning against the front hood instead. It was stupid, but the small act of defiance made you feel like you were still in control of the situation and, therefore, your feelings. Cooper takes a long look under the hood of your car before leaning into the driver's side and cranking the keys. The ignition clicks and whines but refuses to start. He sighs, trying a couple more times before shutting your car door and locking it.

“I brought jumping cables, but I don’t think I can do much to get it started. It could be more than your battery so It’s probably best to tow it. You’ll have to call your insurance and tell them to get it covered, but I can do the talking if you- ” 

For a moment, you’re possessed by the most jaded version of yourself. The words tumble from your mouth before you can understand them.

“Where have you been?” 

You regret it immediately.

Cooper sighs, closing his eyes and pushing his hair back. He pauses momentarily, thinking about how he'll handle the situation before returning to meet your gaze.

“I don’t think talking about that here is a good idea.” His tone is gentle but stern. It’s parentish and ignites the anger accumulating in you over the past month.

“That’s fucked up, Cooper. I’ve told you things I haven’t even said out loud, and now you get to decide when it is or isn’t a good idea for us to talk? It’s not fair—” 

“I know.”

“—It wasn’t even my idea! You softened me up! You kept coming back—“

“I know.”

“—You made me think I could trust you! You gave me something, and then you fucking took it away—who fucking does that?!”

He’s saying your name now. You were too worked up to notice that your cheeks were wet or that Cooper’s thumbs were wiping the tears away. You hadn’t cried in a year.

“It was wrong. I was wrong. I thought I could manage, but it was getting too close. What was happening between us, and who I am outside of that can never touch. I’m sorry.”

Your breathing slows. Cooper’s voice sounds distant, the warmth of his hands being the only thing grounding you. He’s so close now; you can see the flecks of green and brown along his iris. Your gaze drops to his mouth, lingering in the same way his eye lingered about a month ago. You can see the words forming around his lips. He repeats himself.

“I’m sorry.”

You feel a familiar urge again– the pull. This time, you almost give in. But something stops you. Cooper resists your pull.

“Don’t. You’ll regret it.” He warns.

You come to your senses, noticing the stinging sensation from the back of your thighs pressing against the hood of his car. It’s not enough to stop you from being at your weakest. 

“Please.” is all you can say. Your hands grip the collar of his sweater. He lets you, his resistance gradually softening until your mouth ghosts over his. 

“You have no idea what you’re asking for.” His voice is barely above a whisper.

It all happens so fast, his lips finally covering yours, his hands lifting you by the thighs and setting you down on the hood of his truck, your legs wrapping around him. Everything is brand new and intoxicating. The feeling of his hair between your fingers. Your arms around his neck, the hardness of his body against yours. It doesn’t take much for you to get lost in it. You feel Cooper lift you off the hood and walk around the side of his car. He flings open the passenger door and sets you on the leather seat.

“Tell me to stop.” He says in between the feverish back and forth of your lips, his hands sliding under your sweater to rest on the curve of your stomach. Heat pools between your thighs. You say nothing.

Cooper pulls away, leaving his hand underneath your shirt.

“This is what you want?” He’s looking down at you, hair in his eyes and mouth red and wet. You feel ashamed, but you nod anyway. Cooper’s hand gently pushes against your belly, beckoning you to lie down. Your chest heaves up and down, and your eyes flutter close. Cooper’s hands push up the sides of your waist, bringing your shirt with it. They travel over your ribs, his thumbs brush over your nipples through your thin bra. His warm breath ghosts just under your navel, lips peppering kisses right above your waistband. 

“I’ve been thinking about this. What you would look like under me. You look so pretty.” He smirks against your skin and uses a hand to undo a button on your jeans. Your eyes flutter back open.

The first thing you see is a splatter of dark red on the cloth ceiling of his car. You squint a bit, trying to pull your focus from what was going on below your waist. The little drops glisten in the dim glow of the interior cabin light. It looks wet.

Your blood runs cold. Your Father’s voice returns to you.

White picket fence motherfucker.

AO3

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

NEXT CHAPTER

[wreckedandpolemic]

need to see actress girlie being insecure about her performance in something and matty praising her so so much pleek... maybe some temp play thrown in if we're feeling slutty <3

delicious… maybe you’ve been scrolling a little too long today, read too many indirects and now you’re hyperanalysing one of your recent performances through the lens of a particularly harsh critic. matty has to pull the phone out of your hand, kneeling between your legs and looking up at you with long-lashed brown eyes. d’you think i only get roles ‘cause i’m pretty? you say quietly, tears brimming at your lashline. matty looks, frankly, horrified. oh, darling. of course not. you’re phenomenal, sweet girl. these talentless fucking hacks can say whatever they want behind a screen, but i bet you fuckin’ anything they’d come up to you and beg for a picture in real life.

you laugh weakly, and he smiles. there she is. y’want me to stop you from thinkin’ for a little bit? you nod, and matty scoops you up into his arms, resting your head against his chest and listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat. he lays you on the bed, undresses you tenderly, pressing soft kisses to your neck and chest.

eagerly, you watch him strip down to his boxers, pouting when he moves away from you to set his laptop on your bedside table. you stare, bewildered, as matty types your name into youtube and pulls up a compilation of your movie clips. slowly, he straddles the backs of your thighs, gently tilting your head so you’re watching yourself. alright, darling. gonna watch until you see what i see, okay? matty slides your panties down your legs, collects your arousal on his fingertips, traces slow circles over your clit. blissed out, your eyes slip shut, relaxing until… ah-ah. i said watch, love.

with effort, you wrench your eyes open, matty’s hands slowly sliding up your back as he croons softly. so tense, darling. you want a massage? wanna try out those candles? something in you thrills at the memory of the massage candles bundled up under your bed, and you moan out a yes, please.

you hear shuffling, a lighter flicking on, feel matty’s hands roam over your back. you’re still watching your movie, your brain scrabbling to cling onto criticism as matty’s touch wipes your mind clean. you ready, darling? you whimper an affirmative, hissing softly when the first drops of hot liquid hit your skin. he trails a path down your spine, every drip sending arousal flooding between your thighs.

that’s it, good girl, matty murmurs, and you feel him dripping lotion in the shape of an ‘m’ on your back. such a boy, you giggle. he smacks your ass in response, and you gasp, involuntarily widening your legs. y’so pretty, baby. so smart, so talented, so kind. haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since i first saw you, baby. he kneads your back, gently grinding against your ass as you moan happily.

you’re a slick puddle of pleasure by the time matty sets the candle down, whining helplessly when he brushes the tip of his cock against your hole. matty, please, you moan, lifting your hips to try to push down against him. y’gotta tell me how good you are, first, okay?

m’your good girl, matty. he makes a soft, encouraging noise. haltingly, you start listing off everything he says he loves about you, moaning when he rewards you with a slow, deep thrust. soon, you’re babbling helplessly as matty pounds into you, hands fisted in the sheets and drooling into your pillow.

yeah, he definitely knows how to take care of you when you’re feeling down <3

[in1-nutshell]

Can you do one where mtmte bot buddy is perceptor easily scared younger sibling that has a crush on rodimus? Thanks for the help with how to inbox my request.

I've been noticing a trend with request for Rodimus lately. Our Co-Captain is getting some loving hours.

Hope you enjoy!

Perceptor's younger sibling who is scared easily with a crush on Rodimus

SFW, Romantic, Platonic, Familial, Cybertronian reader

MTMTE

Buddy had always been a jumpy bot.

Whether it be in the heat of the moment or in times of peace, something always had Buddy on edge about something.

“YYEEEP!”--Buddy

“What was it this time?”--Perceptor

“I thought I felt something on my pedes.”--Buddy

“Hmm.”--Perceptor

“Don’t ‘hmm’ me! I’m telling you I felt something on my pede and now its not there!”--Buddy

“Careful, you’re starting to sound like Red Alert.”--Perceptor

“Hey leave Red out of this!”—Buddy

“Yeah leave—”—Red Alert

“AHH!”--Buddy

“AHH!”—Red Alert

That being said, Perceptor is protective of his younger sibling.

He loves them, scaredy bot, and all.

He does try and help Buddy in his own ways by trying to rationalize everything, which helps them a bit, but too much.

Is willing to put a bot in their place if they try to make fun of Buddy for their jumpiness.

Primus forbid that someone does scare them with malicious intent.

He wasn’t a Wrecker for nothing.

Buddy had tried going to Ratchet or any other doctor or nurse to see if it was a medical problem.

“I don’t see anything bout of the ordinary here kid.”--Ratchet

“Nothing?”--Buddy

“Perfectly normal frame inside and outside. I think you just get jumpy too often. You can always go see Rung if it gets any worse.”--Ratchet

“Thank—”--Buddy

Whirl barging into the medbay.

“HAS ANYONE SEEN CYCLONUS OR PANIC BUTTON?”--Whirl

“Whirl! Please, you’re—”—Ratchet

THUNK!

Buddy passing out on the med slab with their spark beat going wild.

“Ohhh… Jumpy’s here.”--Whirl

“Yes…”--Ratchet

In the lab.

Perceptor looking up from his work.

“Is your Buddy sense tingling?”--Brianstorm

“Stop calling it that.”--Perceptor

“But it is!”--Brainstorm

“Brainstorm.”--Perceptor

“Perceptor.”--Brainstorm

Brainstorm saw this problem as a challenge and had asked Buddy if they were willing to be tested to see if he could solve the problem.

Buddy had never been raced out of the lab faster than at that moment.

“Brainstorm?”--Buddy

“Yes?”--Brainstorm

“Is this safe?”--Buddy

Buddy sitting on the lab table with several jumper cables clipped into their frame with a series of wires on their helm.

“Oh Buddy! Of course, it is relatively safe, in theory.”--Brainstorm

“In theory?”--Buddy

“Yes. Everything comes from a theory. Now whether this is a good theory is what we are about to answer now!”--Brainstorm

“Does Percy know?”--Buddy

“What he don’t, know wont hurt Buddy. Now let’s flip this—”--Brainstorm

“BRAINSTORM!”--Perceptor

“He sounds mad! What did you do!?”--Buddy

“Nothing!”--Brainstorm

“Brainstorm.”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Brainstorm

“…”--Buddy

“… I may have locked him in the closet before I grabbed you from Swerve’s…”--Brainstorm

“…You know, for one of the smartest bots on the ship, you sure can make a dumb decision.”--Buddy

“What--”--Brainstorm

BANG!

Perceptor kicking down the lab doors with his snipper rifle in his servos.

“AAHHHHH!”—Brainstorm and Buddy

No mercy from Percy.

Their friend group had gotten used to Buddy’s jump scares after the first few times.

Sometimes they were the cause of it.

Buddy would always laugh it up in the end.

They would never take it too far so it was all fun and games.

But there was one thing on board that made their spark run faster than the scares.

Rodimus Prime.

The captain was going to be the death of them, they were sure of it.

The two got along great, which wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that Buddy liked the reckless captain.

“Has anyone seen Rodimus? He should have been here by now.”--Buddy

“Nope.”--Chromedome

“No.”--Rewind

“Haven’t seen you’re Conjux since this morning.”--Brainstorm

“Conjux?! Brainstorm!”--Buddy

“Don’t lie to me Buddy I’ve seen how you two look at each other. Everyone on the ship practically knows about it.”--Brainstorm

“Oh don’t tease them Brainstorm.”--Chromedome

“thank you—”--Buddy

“Its not their fault that they are both oblivious to each others feelings.”--Rewind

“You too Rewind?”--Buddy

“I’m getting sick and tired of watch you two pine over each other.”--Rewind

“Who’s pining?”--Rodimus

“GAH! Roddy, don’t do that!”--Buddy

“Hahaha! You know you can’t be mad at me.”--Rodimus

“…One of these days I’m going to get a spark attack because of you.”--Buddy

With their friendship the amount of reckless stunts had gone down.

Something Ultra Magnus was grateful for.

Buddy the ever worry wart always tried to talk their captain from doing many reckless activities.

Most times they would work, but that would usually mean that he would try to do another activity that was less of a threat without Buddy looking.

Rodimus trying to get off the ship to go meteor surfing.

“Rodimus!”--Buddy

“Shh! Megs will hear you!”--Rodimus

“And? You are in no condition to go meteor surfing! You just got out of the medbay from last expedition.”--Buddy

“And I’m fine!”--Rodimus

“Please…”--Buddy

“…Fine. But you have to help me with some of the reports.”--Rodimus

“Deal.”--Buddy

“After I go and flip over the captains chair!”--Rodimus

Rodimus jumping and failing to do a flip landing on his faceplate.

“Roddy!”--Buddy

“Hmmm?”--Rodimus

“Hang on I’m bringing you to Ratchet.”--Buddy

“Nooo… I don’t wanna.”--Rodimus

Buddy throwing him over their shoulder like a sack of potatotes.

“Too bad Captain.”--Buddy

Key word try.

Buddy watched him sometimes like a hawk.

The other times that Buddy wouldn’t be able to talk him out of the activity ended up with Buddy joining.

Those time Rodimus would smile that smile of his that could literally light up a room.

“How did I end up here?”--Buddy

“What do you mean?”--Rodimus

“Here!”--Buddy

Buddy latched on a cord dangling from the ceiling by their chassis.

Rodimus on the ground with his arms wide open.

“I must have my circuits fired to even say yes to this!”--Buddy

“Nope, I just asked, and you said ‘yes’.”--Rodimus

“I know!”--Buddy

“Relax Buddy its just a trust fall!”--Rodimus

“Yeah! But I didn’t think it was going to be from this height!”--Buddy

“It’ll be okay! Just let go!”--Rodimus

“Let go?!”--Buddy

“Trust me Buddy! You’ll be all right! Just trust me!”--Rodimus

Buddy saying one more pray to Primus before detaching from the chord, screaming on the way down.

Rodimus catching them nearly falling on the floor too.

“See! I gotcha—Buddy?”--Rodimus

Buddy passing out.

Perceptor knew about Buddy’s little crush on the Captain.

While he would have wish it be on another crew member, he supposed that Rodimus wasn’t the worst of them all.

After talking it over with Drift, Perceptor decided that it would be a good idea to actually talk to Buddy about it.

“Percy?”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Perceptor

“What’s going on? We don’t usually have private talks like these. Wait! Did something bad happen to you?”--Buddy

“No, no, I asked you to meet me here to talk.”--Perceptor

“To… talk?”--Buddy

“Yes.”--Perceptor

“Okay, I’ll bite what did you want to talk to me about?”--Buddy

“Its about Rodimus.”--Perceptor

“What about him? Did some—”--Buddy

“Nothing happened to him…yet.”--Perceptor

“What?”--Buddy

“I noticed you and the Captain have been spending more and more time with each other. And if my theory proves me correst, you like him.”--Perceptor

“Umm… where did you—I mean, me and Roddy—I mean—”--Buddy

“Its okay.”--Perceptor

“What?”--Buddy

“I’m fine with you dating Rodimus.”--Perceptor

“Really! But doesn’t he annoy you? Especcially two days ago when he said ‘science is magic’. You nearly grabbed your riffle and made him into Swiss cheese.”--Buddy

“… Yes. I have taken that into account, but you are mainly going to be spending time with him. He wont be my Conjux, he’ll be yours.”--Perceptor

“Conjux!”--Buddy

“That was a joke.”--Perceptor

“It didn’t sound like it!”--Buddy

“How do you intend on telling him?”--Perceptor

“You’re just filled with questions aren’t you?”--Buddy

“I’m a scientist Buddy.”--Perceptor

“Yeah, but its not that simple Percy.”--Buddy

“How so?”--Perceptor

“I can’t just go up to him and say ‘Hey Roddy, I like you a lot. You want to go out with me? We can go to Swerve’s for our first date. We can drink, dance, and watch movies all night long’.”--Buddy

“What?”--Rodimus

“Don’t sound like that Percy—”--Buddy

“That wasn’t me.”--Perceptor

“Then who—”--Buddy

Rodimus standing in front of the door way.

Buddy’s fans kicking in before passing out.

“How long where you there?”--Perceptor

“Long enough to know Buddy already beat me to the chase and already had a date night planned.”--Rodimus

“…If you ever think or try to hurt them in anyway, I know how to shoot in between your seams and make you go through the worse pain imaginable before any medic comes to help you. Do I make myself clear?”--Perceptor

“Clear. And the thought of hurting them is the last thing I would want to do.”--Rodimus

“Good.”--Perceptor

“Yeah.”--Rodimus

“…”--Perceptor

“…”--Rodimus

“We should probably get Buddy to Ratchet.”--Rodimus

“Agreed.”--Perceptor

[royal-tea-blogs]

Lily Orchard Deserves Better

These thoughts have been rumbling around in my mind for a while now and considering what happened recently with her tumblr being taken down twice and the recent situations, I just wanted to give my two cents so my brain can stop bothering me about it. Heads up for typos and grammar since I wrote this on my phone.

The first Lily Orchard video I ever watched was Over Cooked, a video about Steven Universe’s handling of Amethysts character. Now even as a 12 year old at the time I still knew it was better for me to avoid the content I know would make me mad, and I was a huge fan of SU at the time. But curiosity got the better of me and I ended up watching it.

Then I watched more. Because she made sense. Then I wanted more of her videos. I vividly remember thinking to myself “wow that was harsh” every now and then, but beyond that there weren’t too many cases where I was actually mad at her (because I’m not a pathetic diaper baby who gets mad at opinions what who said that?)

I watched her from then on rip my previous favourite show to pieces, I watched her rip brony pedos and crybabies to pieces and I loved nearly all of it, even if I didn’t agree with some of it.

It took me a while, don’t get me wrong. She discussed it herself in a few videos: people on the internet are used to a lot of shield jokes and bootlicking by the creators (which is fine!). But once I built of more of a tolerance by listening to what she had to say, I found myself a lot more critical in the long run.

Now I still haven’t quite learned my lesson on my curiosity getting me to watch things that I know will make me mad, so I’ve seen a few Lily Orchard debunking videos. Near every single time it is blatantly obvious that they either didn’t understand what her actual point was, or are deliberately misunderstanding it. I just wanted to grab my monitor and shake it screaming “THATS LITERALLY NOT WHAT SHE MEANT” but alas.

The sheer amount of harassment that Lily has gone through for OVER A DECADE is ridiculous. Especially considering a huge amount is from whiny cartoon stans who have nothing going on in their lives.

As for the criminal allegations, if they have the proof they claim (and proof that has apparently convinced other friends so apparently despite Lily’s previous support of them) then take it to a courtroom. I’m personally done listening to those sorts of accusations until something is at least ATTEMPTED to be done about it in a meaningful manner.

As for Stockholm allegations: I’ve seen the clips. I saw one years ago and it broke my heart at the time. It does seem like Lily might have written Stockholm. But I haven’t done lots of searching into that. You know why?

Lily has made it abundantly clear, for the entire seven years I’ve been watching her (at least as long as I can remember) EXACTLY where she stands when it comes to pedophilic behavior, proshippers, abuse victims, and that type of content.

Did she write Stockholm? Her behavior and stance nowadays means that, to me at least, it doesn’t matter. The Lily of today (hell, even years ago) certainly wouldn’t support such a fic and would rake the writer over hot fiery coals, she’s made that blatantly obvious.

Would admitting if she did write it been the morally correct thing to do instead of denying it? Yes.

Do I blame her for a denying it (if she did write it)? After seeing even a tip of the harassment iceberg she’s had to endure for far pettier things? I don’t blame her a bit.

Either she never wrote Stockholm and she’s always held these beliefs and behaviors, or she saw the error of her previous behavior and CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. It’s not like it would have been the last time, I see she tries her best to correct her mistakes.

Honestly? That’s good enough for me. Harassing her over a fic from a decade ago that she has either never even written or blatantly disowned and now condemn the very behavior of is just nonsense. All of it is.

Anyways Lily, I love your content and I really hope you can keep doing what you’re doing and writing what you love ❤️

[strawberryraviegutz]

I really REALLY hate those kinds of stupid “hot take” posts. I think they’re just garbage to purposely farm more discourse to cause infighting, but I’ve been holding this in for so long and I need to get it out of my system so here it goes.

Alastor fans are allowed to dislike Valentino. Valentino was made to be a dislikable Villain while Alastor BY VIV’S OWN WORDS is a chaotic neutral antihero based off of Dexter with a moral code. Of course people are gonna like Alastor more than Valentino. The antihero/vigilante is a very popular beloved trope. I mean just look at Magneto and Venom.

You guys claim to want more nuanced characters but when we try and tell you that Alastor is more nuanced BASED OFF OF EVIDENCE FROM THE CREATOR and little possible context clues in the show we get accused of “babying/woobifying him”(as if Val fans haven’t done that to Val). This isn’t a hit piece against all Val fans/simps btw. I may hate that moth, but you guys should be allowed like him without receiving hate and or death threats.

It’s not “hypocrisy” to dislike Valentino or the Vees and like Alastor for the reasons I said above and the four of them aren’t comparable. Yeah they share some traits but overall the only thing Alastor and the Vees have in common are the mistreatment of the souls they own. Like I said, Val fans shouldn’t be attacked for liking him but the thing is…if you’re gonna preach those words then do the same for Alastor fans/simps because we get attacked too.

(Again it’s not all Val stans but it sure it a lot of them. I’ve all so seen Val haters do it too.) Yall claim not to harass people over fictional characters yet will go under Alastor posts and or discussion threads and be like “Uhm actually him and Valentino are the same🤓☝️”.

“He’s worse than Val” “Why can’t we just have a good villain” “Just accept that Alastor is a villain stop babying him” when we’re just minding our own business. Not to mention people going under fanart of Angel! Alastor and being like “erm actually he’d never go to heaven🤪”.

Along with yall bullying the hell out of Alastor selfshippers/simps and using tumblr sexyman as an insult(which reaks of internalized misogyny btw because majority of Alastor simps are women + women are always the first to be made fun of when it comes to characters that Classify as tumblr sexymen being found attractive by them or any character you personally wouldn’t find attractive.)

And yall going around and keep calling Alastor ugly under posts about people gushing about him and i don’t mean lighthearted jokes either because i make fun of the back of his head sometimes too. And full blown harassment. When an Alastor fan provided evidence of Alastor being a more nuanced character which were clips from Viv’s streams, people in the comments and qrts were being extremely rude and dismissive. It got so bad that op deleted the og tweet.

Don’t go around and claim to be against cringe culture but then make fun of people for finding Alastor attractive. And for goodness sake STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM A SLAVE OWNER. And yes he owns souls but that doesn’t matter.

Alastor is canonically half black and its overall disgusting to slap the label “slave owner” onto him knowing damn well that he grew up in the Jim Crow era of America in the Deep South of Louisiana. His existence as a mixed black person back then was basically considered an abomination. With how terrible it was for black people back then, Alastor probably bore witness to a lot of messed up shit growing up and if that’s the case then it’s no wonder he’s so messed up in the head.

This type of behavior has been going on since the days where we only had the pilot and it’s only gotten worse since the show came out. As soon as I saw that scene with husk and Alastor in hell’s greatest dad I automatically knew what was coming. I’m not saying that Alastor Is a good person nor am I saying that what he did to husk was ok. But to go after/make fun of Alastor fans,purposely denying evidence of his character while in the same breath preach against bullying people over liking certain characters makes YOU the hypocrites. So much for anti-harassment. I’m tired. Bye.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

when one leaves, another arrives

pairing: neteyam x female omatikaya!reader, lo’ak x female omatikaya!reader

WC: 11.8K (she’s a big one)

warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, r being emotionally messed up, lo’ak and r share a moment. should be it!

summary: when you lose someone close to you, you close yourself off from everyone else. except for one person.

A/N: i wrote this when i haven’t even seen the movie, only edits and clips on tt, so forgive me (i have now seen the movie by the time i’ve posted the fic). ITS FANFICTION LET ME WRITE WHAT I PLEASE!!! also neteyam and lo’ak are probably a bit ooc, but you know we only saw hints of their character in this movie, IM TAKING CREATIVE LIBERTY. also pretty much movie ages for our characters, r is same age as neteyam.

thank you to my lovely friend @alecmores​ for being my proof reader as always and leaving funny comments for me to giggle about. also if any na’vi is misspelled blame pandora wikifandom and the online na’vi dictionary.

reblogs are appropriated💗

been sitting in the drafts since feb25

masterlist

Numb

That’s all you felt, your whole body numb to the touch. Felt like you were floating, skin no longer touching the ground, only the stiff breeze that would ghost through you. You weren’t even sure if you were breathing at this moment.

Eclipse 

It taunted you as your eyes stared at the heavens above. Cold, wet tears streamed down your dull blue cheeks, while another dull blue face stared lifelessly at the darkened sky. Lifeless eyes that used to hold so much love and admiration within his glowing golden eyes.

Shaking

Your body was shaking, hands unable to stop the tremors that reached your fingertips. Lips quivering as you tried to hold back the scream that wanted to rip from your throat, the whimpers of pain that built up in your chest, and were just waiting for the scale to completely tip before you crumble.

The waves were crashing loudly against your boulder, it almost felt like they were shaking your rocky asylum. There were only four bodies stationed on the jagged stone along with a burning fire in the near distance. Everything felt like a realistic nightmare, something your mind conjured to tear you away from the sugary sweet dreams that you would slip into. But this wasn’t a nightmare or dream, this was reality. Something you constantly had to remind yourself before your brain could trick you into ignorance.

There was a ringing in your downturned ears that soon started to pick up choked sobs that flicked your ears at attention. You looked away from the darkened sky and down at your three companions.

Neteyam. Once alive and full of energy, gentle touches, and commanding tones were all left behind and just a corpse with his head laying on your lap was left behind. One hand cradled his cheek, wishing to feel movement or heat while the other brushed his braids, something you always did when he rested his head on your lap. You wished to see his easy smile one more time, just for a moment, you needed the image fresh in your brain.

Tsireya was the one quietly crying, her hands holding onto Neteyam’s legs. You wanted to comfort the girl, this is probably the first time she’s had to feel the pain of losing a close relationship, the Metkayina clan not forced to see the horror of war every day for the past few years. She was a sweet girl, a caring soul, she didn’t deserve to witness this pain.

Lo’ak was the last one of your group. He was staring toward the burning and drowning ship, you weren’t sure why, but taking note that Jake and Neytiri were missing, along with Spider, Kiri, and Tuk not around; the only answer you could think of was the ship. He dropped to his knees, eyes staring down at his dark red palms, palms covered in Neteyam’s blood as he tried to save him. He took another look at the ship before facing you and Tsireya.

“I- I have to- I have to help them.” Lo’ak took stuttering breaths.

You saw Tsireya shake her head, barely heard the pleas for Lo’ak to stay on the rock with the thre- with the two of you. But you knew Lo’ak, you knew that even if his dad told him to stay, he would follow him to the ends of Pandora, just like Neteyam did with him.

He knelt in front of the shaking girl, a hand coming up to hold her cheek for a second before he walked to you. Both hands rested at the side of your head, his fingers seeping into your braids with his extra finger touching your jaw.

“I’ll be back. I promise.” Neteyam used to tell you that all the time when he was allowed a position in the raids.

Lo’ak pulled your head forward and his lips met your forehead, and they were held there for almost a minute before he pulled away and jumped off the rock and into the crashing waves. Leaving behind two shaking and emotionally wrecked girls that held onto a corpse of a friend and loved one.

“He’ll be back,” you choked out to Tsireya, “they’ll all be back.” Reassuring the both of you, needing just that tiny bit of hope to stay above the dangerous waves. Your hand continued its comforting motion of pushing Neteyam’s braids from his face.

-

Pandora forest

Your feet jumped from branch to branch, the ground below leaving behind a trail of bioluminescent spots before they disappeared. Light chuckles floated from your parted lips and into the open air, the breeze able to carry the sound further out. The nightlife of the forest filled your ears, something you’ll never get used to, in a good way.

You slowed down after having ran and leaped for a while, needing a minute to take in your surroundings. Your chest moved up and down pretty fast with your mouth panting for air, and fists landing on your hips to rest. Your ears flicked at each little noise, but you were trying to find the specific sound you wanted to hear, nose twitching in the air for the right scent combo.

A twig snapped and you knew already you found him. You crouched down, body low to the bark as you followed the direction the noise came from, not wanting to spook your target. You jumped to a branch below yours and surveyed the surrounding flora. You grabbed your bow and nocked an arrow in the string and waited with bated breath for any new signs. Another twig snapped, the opposite direction you just came from, you were on high alert now.

You counted in your head, to keep your heart steady and to count when the next noise might occur. It wasn’t until twenty did another sound appear, this one much closer now. You thought you were ahead in the game but looked like you just lost so you put away your arrow and sat on the soft moss, waiting for the boy.

Lost in your thoughts, staring ahead into the open air, the feeling of two hands landing on your shoulders almost made you jump and that would end up resulting in your possible death due to gravity.

“I win.” A high-pitched voice spoke into your ear.

“Neteyam!” You twisted to look at his boyish grin, “don’t sneak up on me! I’ve told you multiple times!”

He just laughed at your raised voice and moved to sit beside you, thighs touching and fingers just an inch away from touching. You wanted to make a move but were too scared so you stayed content with your slim fingers ghosting near the other.

It was well past the eclipse and both you and Neteyam knew you shouldn’t be running around in the forest at night, but it was always so peaceful and sometimes the only time either of you could be alone together without parents or siblings hovering or clan duties getting in the way.

The two of you could just get lost in nature and each other and it was the most magical thing you got to experience.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” You voiced to the silence.

It took a minute before he responded, “nervous, but yes. I’m excited.” His pinky tapped yours.

Tomorrow a couple of young hunters would complete their iknimaya and finally earn their ikrans and then later that night they would go through uniltaron, the dream hunt. You originally were going to join Neteyam in the rites of passage, but you felt you weren’t prepared enough, so you decided to wait a bit longer. At first, you were embarrassed to tell Neteyam that you were going to take longer, but he reassured you that it was completely fine and that he was proud of you with either decision you made. It made your heart grow with love.

“Should probably head back. Long day ahead of you.” You stood from your seated position and threw your bow over your shoulders, waiting for Neteyam to follow your actions.

You looked down when you noticed he was still seated and to your shock he was already looking up at you, an easy smile adoring his stunning features. He did look like his mother, a stunning woman with a strong will and a loyal heart.

“What?” You whispered the question.

He gave a light shake of his head, his smile never fading, “nothing. Just… just appreciating.” And he grabbed his bow and stood up, eyes level with each other. Both standing at around six feet and a few inches, neither hitting your growth spurt yet. You don’t know how you’ll feel when Neteyam is taller than you one day, even if it's just by an inch or two.

The two of you stood face to face, no one talking, only watching. Eyes danced over the other's features, memorizing every stripe and every glowing dot gracing their blue skin. If you could freeze time, you would do it at this moment, not wanting to leave the quiet night. You so badly wanted to reach up and caress Neteyam’s cheek but held yourself.

Instead, you cleared your throat and broke eye contact, “race you home?” And the smile he flashed gave you your answer and you took off without a warning.

Giggles and shrieks of joy followed you two home all the way, music to your ears.

-

You were still numb, your ears were still ringing, and your stomach grumbled but you wouldn’t touch a single fruit. It still didn’t feel real, none of this felt real. The battle was over, the injured were being tended to, and families were reuniting with tears and hugs. But your family, your family was grieving and preparing for a funeral that none of you thought would come for many moons in the future.

You just sit in a corner with your knees pulled up to your chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, your head resting atop the joints, staring into the void. You haven’t moved from the tiny spot since you all came back to your pod, Jake and Neytiri leaving with Neteyam’s body to bring to Ronal and have him prepared for his final living goodbye. Kiri and Tuk were huddled together in another area of the pod, Tuk sitting in her lap with Kiri stroking her hair and whispering soft words. Lo’ak sat outside with his feet in the water. He probably wished Tsireya was with him but she was pulled away by her family to help with preparations. You wanted to be there for him, someone needed to be there for him, he thought Neteyam’s death was his doing when it wasn’t; it was the sky people’s war that did it.

You finally found that bit of strength to move, Lo’ak needed someone at this moment and you knew Neteyam would want his brother to know that he loved him. With cracked joints you finally moved from your spot, arms wrapped around your waist for a phantom comfort and you walked slowly towards Lo’aks’ hunched figure. Your feet stop just a few steps away from him, just watching how his back muscles moved with his breathing, how his head would move slightly when he would focus on something else.

You didn’t say anything as you sat next to him. He didn’t say anything as his eyes took notice of your appearance. No one said anything, just two sets of golden eyes staring out at the dimming sky that was slowly dipping into the endless ocean.

You took the first step, one arm reaching out to gently touch the bicep close to you and then you slowly glided the hand down his arm until your palm fell atop his knuckles. Your four fingers settled in the open space between his five digits, a light squeeze was all you gave, but still no words.

“I’m sor-“ “It’s not your fault. None of it.” You immediately stopped him.

Silence once again.

Hands still touching.

Waves playfully pushing and pulling.

You leaned your head against his shoulder, Lo’aks falling atop yours after a second. Then you moved your hand off his and threw it around his waist with your other following, wanting to give him warm physical comfort. Knowing a hug was something he needed at this moment, to feel grounded, to feel loved, to feel seen.

An abrupt cough makes your head turn over your shoulders. Jake and Neytiri stood in the opening, both their faces littered with cuts and stitches, eyes darker and dull. You pulled away from Lo’ak and stood from your spot, walking over to the two taller na’vi.

“We must prepare.” Was all Neytiri said before holding her hand out.

- 

High camp

The air was thick with tension, everyone on high alert for the day, no, not just the day. Everyone has been on alert for the past two years.

The sky people have brought war back to Pandora, back to the Omitikaya people and your home. The demons bring fire to burn the trees and flora, to bring extinction to the animals that roam freely. Their metal weapons are much stronger than your bows, and many people die or are injured each day during a raid or battle.

Jake Sully is very high-strung, he’s quick to snap at someone out of line, and even more angered when the people he’s yelling at are his children. Neteyam and Lo’ak stand with their tails between their legs and heads tilted down, Neteyam receiving the harsher words that struck his heart.

You would watch from afar, hands rubbing your banshee in comforting motions as your heart broke at the pain written across their faces. You just waited, waited until Neteyam was dismissed by his father and he would head immediately to find you and distract you with his pretty smile.

“How is palï?” His own hands stroked down the side of her neck, soft purrs heard from her throat. You chuckled, “happy now that you are here.” Just like you were happier he was now with you.

Your smile dropped just a bit when you remembered a few minutes ago, “is everything…is everything okay?” His hand slowed then stopped before dropping to his side, eyes facing away from you.

“Just Lo’ak doing dumb shit again and me getting my head ripped off for not keeping a close eye on him.” “Hmm.”

Men and Women were moving to and fro in the caved holding. Some were slow with their heads bent down as they conversed with the person beside them, or warriors carried their bows with their heads held high as they rushed past everyone. People were going in and out of Mo’at’s tent, many exiting with wrappings covering wounds they gained during the war effort. You could hear the faint sounds of ikrans screeching in the distance mixed with the gleeful giggles of na’vi children.

“Would you like to go somewhere quiet?” You abruptly asked.

Neteyam’s ears twitched at your question, eyes widening just a bit but then softening with a tiny curve of his lips. A meek nod was all you needed before you wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled him behind you and further into the cool mountain. It was a small area further back, the shadows helping in keeping the carved-out piece a secret to one who isn’t curious, but you were one curious cat.

Since your parent's passing, you would travel through high camp in silence, a ghost among the living just trying to survive by yourself. You lived with the Sully’s since they were like a second family to you, but being around them, seeing the love they have for each other and how much they care about everyone’s well-being, it just twisted your heart. So at night when everyone was asleep and the camp was quiet, you would sneak out and roam around, just needing to be alone and wallow in pain and you needed to find a place within the camp where you could step into the shadows and disappear just for a few hours. And you found it.

With Neteyam still being pulled behind by you when you abruptly stopped, his chest ran into your back making the both of you stumble for a moment. Light giggles escaped without thought before you reluctantly let your grip slide from his skin, but you didn’t get far before Neteyam reached out on his own and intertwined your hands together.

You felt warm all over at the simple action.

“Ma ‘teyam, I’ve- I’ve been missing you. As of late.” You dipped your head down, flustered at the sudden words leaving your mouth. It wasn’t a declaration of love, though it was in your ears.

“I’ve been missing you too, ma tanhì (my star)” Almost a whisper to the winds was his reply, but a whisper that blew near your ear making it twitch at the caressing touch.

Involuntarily your eyelids fluttered closed and a breathy sigh left your chest. The silence only grew in tension when a finger was hooked under your chin and pushed your face up, eyes focusing in on the speckles of glowing dots dancing along Neteyam’s face and body. Your own personal sky of stars to gaze upon.

“(Y/n), there’s something I’ve been wanting to confess to you for some time now. But it seems you gave me the perfect opportunity, and I will try to say the words before they evade my mind.” His thumb swiped over your chin, along with a swift feeling of him touching your bottom lip before it was gone too soon.  All you could do was tilt your head with your eyes firmly set on Neteyam’s, waiting intently to hear what’s been on his mind for this long.

He licked his lips, eyes moving side to side, “as you know it’s been a while since I’ve become one of the People.” Another simple nodding of your head, “I as well.”

“Yes. And we both have fashioned our bows out the branches of the home tree, both of us mighty warriors and aiding our clan in a time of crisis-” “Neteyam I’m well aware of these events. I’m living through them, along with them added to my songcord.” A mindless giggle showed your delight in this scene.

Neteyam gave a huff, “yes, yes. Now if you’ll allow me to speak before I lose my small ounce of bravery-” “Yes, sorry. Continue… sorry.”

A hand still twinged with yours and his thumb ran over the back of your hand, “Since we’ve become one of the People, and crafted our bows, the only thing left is to… is to find a mate.” You sucked in a breath.

He wanted to find a mate.

You understood, courting could take months and usually you’re not officially mated before Eywa until you are a full-fledged adult, so there was still plenty of time for the both of you. But hearing that he’s thinking of someone who he wants to court,  hurts like a knife being twisted between your ribs.

“Have… have you,” you had to swallow past the thump in your throat, “have you already chosen. The one you wish to begin courting?” You needed to step away from Neteyam’s intoxicating self.

You tried stepping away discreetly, but before you were even two steps away Neteyam pulled you right back in, even closer than before. Toe to toe, chest to chest, your whole body so close to touching but only an inch of air separated your bodies from molding together. The hold he had on your hand didn’t loosen, only held tighter, like he was scared you could run away at any moment. During this discussion, you wished to vanish into the forest and not come back until sunrise.

“I have. I’ve had my eye on her for years, long before my rites of passage. She’s very special to me, someone who’s been by my side through many of my hardships, lifting me back up to the light from the darkness I was walking towards.” His eyes stayed on your linked hand, “she is beloved by my family, each one of them having a special relationship with her already, so I don’t have to worry about them turning her away,” he breathed a laugh. “She is a fine warrior, her skills growing each day, and might even surpass my sa’nok (mother) one day.”

Neteyam took the final step. Hands squished between your bodies, your chest touching, and every breath you took caused your top to brush against Neteyam’s chest and move it out of place just a hair. Your breaths mingled with your lips in front of each other, it took every last bit of strength within you to keep your eyes trained on his face rather than his tempting lips.

“Neteyam-” “I hope you are understanding what I’m trying to say.”

Your will broke and your eyes dropped before meeting his eyes again, “I think it best if you say it aloud. I’m a bit thick in the head.” A comment Neteyam has made to you before.

He wetted his lips, “(Y/n), ma tanhì (my star), would you allow me the honor of courting you, to eventually in the near future, become my mate for life?” He almost vibrated with energy, nervousness or anticipation, or even both was your conclusion.

“Neteyam, ma atan (my light), I would cherish nothing more and it would be a pleasure to become your mate.”

-

The air felt still, thick that you almost suffocated from a simple intake of air. The water felt still, even though you rode on the back of your ilu, ripples following the creature. It felt like everyone was holding their breath, worried that even the most simple release of air would cause something further to shift in the world. But nothing worse could happen, not in your mind, your worst nightmare came true and you still can’t process it.

Jake and Neytiri were at the front of your group with Tuk seated behind her mother, Lo’ak and Kiri with Spider behind followed up the rear and you were at the very back. Everyone was painted with white stripes down their face, Neytiri fashioned with a woven headpiece and the necklace Neteyam wore when he died. A hand went to your neck, another intricate woven piece of jewelry that Neteyam would wear, it also happened to be the one he wore the night he asked to court you.

The tears dripped down your face, you didn’t make an effort to wipe them away, they would just keep coming.

Many of the Metkayina stood in the shallow waters of the Cove of Ancestors, further away from your family. You saw the familiar faces near the front, the Olo’eyktan and the Tsahík, both of them stood tall and held themselves high. You saw the tear-stained faces of Tsireya and Ao’nung along with Roxo just off to the side of the leaders.

The ilu tugging Neteyam’s leaf finally stopped at its designated spot, silently telling all of you that this was the end. Jake, Neytiri, Tuk, and Lo’ak slid off their creatures and into the water, treading themselves on each side of his body, his mother and sister on the left with his father and brother to the right. You so badly wanted to join them, wanted to touch the boy you loved so badly one final time before his body was taken away from the physical plane. But you stayed back, you weren’t his mate, you were just the girl he was courting, his girlfriend- something that Jake said was between the stages of friend and mate; you were just a friend that left their home behind for a boy that stole your heart and made you a part of a loving and protective family.

So it was just you, Kiri- who you thought should have joined the others but didn’t push her into it, and Spider who watched his blood-related family give their final caresses to his skin. The kisses to his forehead by Neytiri, the fingers reaching out to his for the hand that rested atop his shoulder then a feather-light touch to his cheek by Tuk, the hand that patted down Neteyam’s tied back braids by Lo’ak- something Neteyam used to always do on the younger boy, and Jake. Jake, who still seemed in shock, that he didn’t make for a comforting gesture.

Once Neteyam was free of the giant palm leaf, Tuk and Lo’ak moved further back to where the three of you stayed. Jake and Neytiri shared a look before taking their breath and diving under the water with Neteyam between them.

You slid off the ilu saddle and floated on the right side of Lo’ak, Tuk as always was beside Kiri if it wasn’t her mother. With the water stinging your eyes just a bit, you watched as Jake and Neytiri swam down, down, down until they were just above the glowing anemone and they released their hold on their boy. They kept themselves afloat while his body succumbed to gravity or the pull toward the Great Mother, and once they touched his deep blue skin, he was covered in golden glowing light before his body was completely gone.

If you weren’t submerged under water you knew the tears would be running at the speed of a waterfall, your nose clogging with snot, and your throat choking up causing hiccups and stuttering to your breath. With a glance to your left, the sight before you broke you even further. Lo’ak, with his left hand, held out for his brother to take, was choking out sobs that were silenced by the water, only the air bubbles leaving his open mouth told you of his cries to the Great Mother. 

Swiftly you reached out and linked your hands together, he needed someone to ground him from slipping away and you just needed to feel living flesh.

-

You couldn’t sleep, sleep had been avoiding you for weeks since your arrival to Awa'atlu, always tossing and turning on your mat. Eventually, you started to leave the mauri when the darkness would slip away through your fingers, finding yourself either sitting on the roped walkway with your feet swaying in the water or you would venture towards the sandy beaches and stare out into the open water.

You weren’t sure when he noticed your absence, but one night when you walked to the beach, you heard footsteps that were muffled by the grains on the floor and the push and pull of the water. Your heart rate picked up, you didn’t have any weapons on your person, and you chose to leave your knife with the others. But your panic died down when you saw the noise coming from someone who wouldn’t lay a harmful finger on you, but for sure would punch someone just looking at you wrong.

“Ma ‘teyam.” You all but sighed as he got closer.

He instantly pulled you into his arms, one arm around your waist and the other pushing your head into the crook of his neck. Your limbs wrapping tightly along his waist, your hearts beating as one, chest to chest. Fingers started to run through the free strands of your black hair, tiny circles by the pads of his digits.

“What is wrong ma tanhì?” He murmured by your pinned back ear.

You huffed a sigh, unintentionally tickling his skin, “sleep escapes me. No dreams enter my mind, only darkness and even that leaves me to my thoughts.”

He hummed, hands continuing their rhythmic motions, giving your bodies a light sway with the wind. Then he just stopped, hands landing on your biceps giving a light push away. His eyes held so much love within his tender gaze, “why don’t we go for a swim? We could star gaze, we haven't done it for a while.” And an instant smile split your face.

The two of you floated on your backs in the middle of the water, the water safe within the mauri pods. The quiet night was the only thing surrounding the both of you, the water was still with only a few ripples here and there causing a push to your bodies. Your backs floated atop the darkened water, hands clasped together to keep from drifting apart, braids and loose strands snaking around your heads as two sets of golden yellow eyes focused on the glowing stars above.

-

One Year Later

The memory vanished into the air from your mind, and the last thing you felt was your heart growing warm at the sight of Neteyam’s breathtaking smile before he pulled the both of you into the cool water.

Your legs were hugged to your chest with your thin arms wrapped around them tight, your chin digging into your kneecaps while your eyes stared out into the open water. You thought about going in, either to look at the stars as if he was floating beside you or to drown yourself and join him with the Great Mother. You knew the latter would win more in this situation, so you kept yourself grounded and forced your mind to go blank, the lull in the water helps.

You shifted a hand through the sand beside you, the texture feeling nice on your skin. Eventually, you got bored, but you didn’t want to head back, so you just laid down and let the scratchy grains cling to your skin and burrow into your hair. You turned on your side, back facing the homes with you facing the swaying trees, but you let your imagination run.

You pretended that you were lying beside Neteyam, both facing each other with only an inch of separate space. A hand from both of you resting in the middle, fingers doing a mindless dance of touching and curling, bringing smiles to your faces. You would move closer, your hand that lay on the ground would make contact with his stomach, and his muscles would flex automatically with the graze. Neteyam would move his head closer, a quick bump of your nose, giggles spilling from your lips. He would throw an arm over your waist, knuckles gliding along your back, and you would lift your hand from the ground, let your palm rest upon his plump cheek, and thumb would stroke the stripes decorating his skin. And you would clear the final milometer of air, lips a breath away, you would look into his piercing eyes and with all the bravery you could muster, would whisper the words only meant for his ears.

“Neteyam… ma ‘teyam… I see-”

“(Y/n)?”

Your hand dropped from the air and sunk into the cool sand, you didn’t even bother to turn and face the approaching voice, you already knew who it was. It was always you and one other person who would leave the home for hours and wallow in pain.

You felt his body heat, skin just barely flicking over yours. You felt his eyes on you, you knew they would drip with pity and pain for you, and you didn’t want it. You were a mighty warrior, you withstood your cuts and bruises and persevered in the battle, even your mental ones.

“(Y/n)... I’m here- I-” “Lo’ak. Stop.” You closed your eyes, the tears making a comeback. You still kept your back to Lo’ak, not finding the mighty warrior in yourself to withstand this battle, instead shrinking away from the fight.

He didn’t say anything again, you didn’t say anything again, and the silence enveloped the bubble. With the sound of shuffling you thought he got up and headed back to sleep, probably knowing how guarded you are these days, but he didn’t leave he walked around you and laid beside you.

With the past year, you’ve closed yourself off, built a stone wall high to the heavens, and wrapped around the world. Only allowing small slips into the cracks, sea shell collecting with Tuk, enjoying the flora and fauna with Kiri, weaving baskets and jewelry with Neytiri in the mauri, and you’ll do whatever you can find with Jake. With Lo’ak, there was something that pulled the both of you a tiny bit closer. Be it the Great Mother, grief, Neteyam, or all of it together, you and Lo’ak always found each other in times of comfort.

You peeked your eyes open, Lo’ak watching your every breath, an arm pillowing his head with the other hand in the open space. It felt weird that he was in the same position you imagined Neteyam, but you didn’t think anything of it.

“(Y/n), I miss him. I miss my big brother.” Lo’ak’s voice was small, cracking on the words him and brother.

You didn’t speak, something you often did these days, you just linked your sandy hands together. You gave a squeeze knowing it would silently say to him, ‘I miss him too’.

Before…everything, you were a pretty touchy person. At least when you were super close and comfortable around the individual. And because you were comfortable around the Sullys you would express your love through all forms, touch sometimes being the easiest with the quick access. But after- after he was gone, you reclined into yourself, like you were waining off the feeling of na’vi skin. But Lo’ak was someone you felt naturally drawn to just touch, and it made you hurt because you always felt that way about Neteyam. Sometimes you didn’t want to be separated for even a second, needing to have a finger touching or your tail grazing by his legs.

You were worrying a bit that Lo’ak might be taking your intimate moments, your touches as something they weren’t. You loved Lo’ak, but only as a brother. Neteyam always filled the spaces in your heart. Friend, partner, ‘girlfriend’… future mate, your future husband. No one could fill those holes, they’ll always be empty until you die.

“Have you visited?”

You blinked your eyes, focusing back on the present. Lo’ak was just watching you, waiting for some type of response to his question. You heard him, faintly, but still heard. 

You didn’t say anything, the quiet your nonverbal answer.

“I haven’t either,” his thumb ran over your knuckles, “I’m too scared.”

“Why scared?” A hushed whisper.

He shrugged, “might argue with me or something. Tell me it’s my fault, which is t-“

“False. Sky people are at fault.” A constant reminder from you to him.

Silence once again. Talking always takes too much energy for you.

“Would you be willing to visit him, together?” Lo’aks’s question drifted into the air. 

“When we are ready, we will go. Together.”

-

Two Years Later

“I would like to visit Payakan.”

Lo’ak sat up from his lying position and looked down at you, his head blocking the blinding sun rays. You just peered up at him, face completely neutral.

“W-why?” His feathered brows furrowed, “it’s not safe.”

You cocked your head, striped brow raised, “never stopped you before.” A ghost of a smile mixed with some teasing.

Lo’ak scuffed and rolled his eyes at the remark, but you saw the smile. He looked at the open water for a moment before looking back at you. You could see the tiny gears turning in his head, probably weighing some pros and cons to your proposal.

He stood up and held a hand out, his answer to your request.

With a firm grasp, you let him pull you to your feet, his growing muscles pulling you against the gravity causing a light crash with your chests meeting. His free arm wrapped tight around your back to keep you from stumbling, it caused your breath to stutter and get caught in your throat before you cleared it.

“Lead the way, mighty warrior.” A quirk of your head caused Lo’ak to move, arm off your waist but the hand still held in yours.

He called his ilu with a yelp and grabbed the saddle. You didn’t bother calling yours, you still weren’t the best at riding even after living here for two years. Neteyam usually helped with your teaching and would have you ride with him when going out. You didn’t bother with learning further, not wanting to explore without him.

“(Y/n),” Lo’ak grabbed your bicep, “come on.”

He slid on the saddle with you just behind. His left hand holding the bar tight before looking over his shoulder and tapping your thigh with his right hand, “hold on tight. Breathe deep.” And he went under.

The crystal clear water past the reef felt like a whole new world. Almost nothing for the eye to see except for a few rocks that broke the surface, but other than that everything was below the surface.

“Where’s Payakan?” You whispered in his ear, it twitched against your nose.

“Uh, should be around here. Sometimes he finds me before I do.” His head looked side to side, trying to find the giant tulkun in the vast ocean.

You wrapped your arms around Lo’ak’s abdomen and leaned your head between his shoulder blades. Your ear could faintly hear this heart beating as he touched your forearm with his fingers, his heart speeding up just a bit.

“Is Payakan friendly?” Voice slightly muffled.

“Yeah. As long as you don’t provoke him or offend him. But he’s my spirit brother, he’ll accept you happily.”

“The sea gives and the sea takes.” Words you heard from Tsireya during lessons.

Your heart lurched at the phrase. Lo’ak lost Neteyam to the rocky seas with a fire burning in the distance but gained a Metkayina spirit brother in the calm and clear seas. Eywa must keep a balance of life, but this wasn’t a balance.

“Oh! (Y/n), look!” He eagerly tapped your arm and pointed to the horizon.

In the blink of an eye, a tulkun appears before the both of you, its eyes watching intently. It made some noises of communication, out of happiness or a threat, you couldn’t tell. But Lo’ak happily slid from the saddle and swam beside his eye and gave a very open hug to the creature. Its eyes closed and hummed a higher pitch, happy.

“(Y/n), come.” Lo’ak held a hand out for you.

You quickly joined the two, Lo’ak’s hand moving to place yours along the tough skin of the animal. A smile was pulled at your lips, you weren’t sure why, but you didn’t think too hard about it. You felt extremely happy for the first time in two years and you’ll absorb the feeling into your bones.

“Payakan, this is (Y/n). She’s part of my family.”

“Hello. Lo’ak speaks very highly of you. I’m grateful for the opportunity to meet you.” Your hand moved in soothing circles.

Another higher-pitched hum, “he likes you.”

Your attention away from Payakan focused on Lo’ak. He sat on the floating fin, hips and lower half submerged in the water with his torso and up dry. He held a delicate smile on his lips, small indents on either side. His eyes which were already focused on you looked gentle, his lids dropped just a bit, and his golden irises held a tiny spark.

It caused a shiver to run along your spine.

-

Three Years Later

Your lower half sat in the shallow waters of the beach. Water pushing and pulling, lapping at your body giving a gravitational pull, a pull that you resisted each time. Your hands would dance atop the surface, palms skimming the pleasant texture and fingers doing quick taps that cause a tiny plop.

You watched with fondness as Kiri lay on her stomach with her body submerged below the clear waters. One arm kept her upper body from dropping into the sand while the other ran through the still grains. Something so simple and she was mesmerized, you loved it.

With a turn of your head, you noticed two figures further down the beach, one teal and the other blue. Tsireya and Lo’ak. They were sitting beside each other, you couldn’t tell much about their conversation, neither giving off blatant expressions. They seemed to be making jewelry or carving, maybe both, each doing their own thing while just wanting to enjoy the other's company.

They looked happy, at peace. You felt glad for them.

“They make a good couple.” Kiri’s sudden voice causes you to jump a bit. You just nodded, “they do. Maybe they’ll mate when older. He’s been into her since we arrived.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

Everyone is tired and wishing for rest, hoping they grant uturu to your family. Neteyam and you automatically stand beside each other, fingers grazing as you walk to the formed crowd. With your curious eyes, you try and take in everything around you, from the people to the village, and it amazed you. And then with the perfect timing, you noticed a girl slipping into the water before making her way to the shores, and you heard a slight gasp. With a slight turn of your head, you noticed how Lo’ak couldn’t take his eyes off her, he was instantly fixated on the beauty.

You bumped your hand against Neteyam’s calling for his attention.

“It seems your brother has found a potential mate,” a quick chuckle, “if they allow.” Was all Neteyam followed up with.

“(Y/n), did you hear me?” Kiri’s fingers dug into your ribs.

You shifted away from a potential second attack, “no. Sorry, a memory came to mind.”

You ignored the eye roll she gave, “I said, but it seems like Lo’ak might have affection for someone new.”

A furrow came to your brows, “where are you hearing this? Do you not see the way he acts around Tsireya? He acts like a skxawng about… ninety percent of the time, and that’s just now. It used to be a bit higher.”

She licked her lips and her eyes dipped to the ground before meeting yours, “there’s something different…in the way, he looks at- his eyes hold something when he gazes upon you.” You couldn’t believe the words leaving Kiri’s mouth, “his eyes hold something when he gazes upon you.” She was wrong, simply wrong.

“You are wrong.” You shook your head at her absurdity, “Lo’ak doesn’t see me as anything other than another sister.”

She huffed, “(Y/n), I don’t know if you ever knew this, but when Lo’ak was younger he would tell me how he admired you. You probably thought nothing of it, but he would try to follow you around like a lost direhorse. I noticed the tiny scowls that came upon his face when Neteyam would steal away your attention. Plus he’s the only one you’re physically affectionate with besides-“

“I’m affectionate with all of you. Neteyam was extra special in my heart, he was my promised mate.” You started to get defensive.

She placed a hand on your shoulder, “yes, I understand. I just notice how the two of you hold each other in the night, Lo’ak holds you firmly to his chest with his arm over your waist and you will have your face tucked under his jaw.”

Your ears twitched, “I’m just trying to say, be careful. The both of you. Someone is gonna get hurt, and we’re just starting to heal our wounds.” Were her last wise words before standing up and walking away.

-

Three Years and Five Months Later

“I want to go to the cove and see Neteyam.”

You turned your head to the side, and bits of sand scratched your skin. Lo’ak kept his eyes on the sky, hands clasped over his stomach. You looked away when he didn’t meet your gaze.

“You are ready?”

“Not really, but I need to see him again.” It seemed like he had more to say so you waited, “are you ready?”

This time you knew he looked at you, the movement caused your ears to twitch at attention.

“No. But his face has started to blur and I lost the sound of his voice, his laugh. I miss it all, so it must be time.” You pushed off the ground and hunched over your legs.

His hand touched your back and you flinched before relaxing. Kiri’s words from a few months ago echoed in the back of your head. “If you are not ready, we can wait. You said we would go together when the both of us are ready. I’ll wait for you.”

You peeked at Lo’ak, something about that last part struck a chord with you. You see how his brows were raised just a bit and pinched in the middle, eyes open and clear. Full of understanding and love.

You fear Kiri’s words are becoming true.

You licked your lips, “we’ll go to the cove.” And you instantly stood up and walked away, Lo’ak following a step behind.

The both of you trod water for a bit once you reached the spirit tree, fully realizing that you're finally gonna see Neteyam again after three years. With a look to Lo’ak and a nod from him, the both of you took a breath and dove under and down.

As you stared at a tendril you started to think maybe you weren’t ready to see him, but with your hand being tugged by Lo’ak, you pulled your queue from behind your back and let the moving tendrils be pulled closer until they connected with your mind.

..

You were back in the forest.

It was midday, and the bright sun held high in the clear blue sky, not a cloud in sight. The grass was a luscious green, soft beneath your bare and calloused feet. Helicoradian and Octoshroom stood at their tall heights, you hit a few helicoradian causing them to shrink in on themselves which brings a laugh of joy out of you.

You walk to the stream where you and Neteyam would usually hang out during the day when both of you were free to escape. As you get closer the sound of the rushing water causes your heart to speed up just a bit, you’ve missed that sound for a while without even knowing.

When you entered the clearing, pushing a few low hanging leaves away from your face, your breath caught in your throat and you almost tripped over an unseen root. Head popping away from the rushing water and in your direction, Neteyam.

He hasn’t aged a day, which, obviously. But it just causes you to freak out a bit, you’ve grown three years, would he see you as past you or present you?

But focusing back on the boy you’ve missed so much. His usual head of braids, feathers, and beads were missing, just a curtain of dark black strands falling over his face and shoulders, it must have been a washing day. He’s also free of a necklace and armband, you notice his knife and bow are near the banks.

“(Y/n), come join me!” His voice made your chest rumble. Has it always been this deep?

“No tricks?” You stepped closer.

“No tricks,” he echoed back.

“Are you naked?” Hands at your hips.

He rolled his eyes, “obviously. Will you hurry up?”

“Nìhoet (perv), turn around first, skxawng.”

“We are to be mated, I’m allowed to see.”

“Not for a while, ‘evengan (boy). Turn.”

He put his hands up in surrender and turned, his toned back showing off his defined stripes. Quickly you stripped yourself of your feathered top and loincloth and rushed into the water with a splash.

You swam up to Neteyam who turned around at your disruption to the quiet. You kept your body under the water with just your head peeking free, your hair a halo behind you.

“I’ve missed you, oeyä sayrìp (my handsome).” A hand touched his cheek before pushing the free hair away. Needing to see all of him.

A hand fell atop the one resting on his cheek with his free one sitting along your jaw, thumb gliding with your stripes as his other three fingers dug into the root of your hair.

“I’m right here, oeyä sevin (my pretty).”

You teared up at that. He says he’s right there, but he’s not. You can’t touch him or converse with him whenever you choose to, you have to make the journey to the spirit tree now just to see figments of memories you had with him. And it seems he doesn’t even know he’s dead, so you can’t tell him these qualms you have.

“Ma tanhì, what hurts you?” Both hands hold your face, caged in his clasp.

You hold his wrist and close your eyes, the tears leaking from your waterline and down your cheek. You feel him wipe them away. You have to bite your lip to compose yourself.

His lips kiss your forehead, they linger and it breaks you even further. He pulled away and you said the words that have been lingering on your tongue.

“Ma Neteyam, Oel ngati kameie (i see you).”

He smiled, that easy smile you always loved seeing, “I know.” And he pulled you close with the hands still on your face, and pressed his lips against yours.

-

Your eyes peeled open.

All you saw was the bright light of the tree with your queue still attached before you pulled it free. You turned your head to the left where Lo’ak was floating, he still seemed to be connected, his eyes closed and hand still held firmly in yours. You bit the skin of your bottom lip and squeezed your eyes shut.

This was the reason you waited to visit because you knew that when you saw him again, it would break you like the first time. He didn’t get enough time with you, with his family, with himself. It wasn’t fair, this was the cruelest thing Eywa has ever done to you.

With a pull to your arm, your legs automatically began scissor kicking you back to the surface. You took a gulping breath when you broke the surface, droplets of water running into your eyes and on your mouth, and your ears almost felt clogged. You pushed your heavy limps back to the ilu, biceps straining with the sudden weight before flopping on the saddle, ready to leave.

“You okay?” Lo’ak asked as he saw beside the animal, left hand on the saddle while his right touched your knee.

You looked away before making eye contact, “just tired.” Both emotionally and physically.

Lo’ak watched you but didn’t say anything, he just climbed in front of you and told the animal to go home.

When you reached the shore you quickly climbed off and walked away, needing to be completely by yourself and allow yourself to wallow or break down or just stare at nothing. You just wanted to be alone. But of course, with Lo’ak, he’ll come chasing after you.

“(Y/n). Come on, we should head home.” And when his hand grasped your wrist, you exploded.

With a blind rage in your heart, you barred your fangs and released a hiss from deep within your chest. He let go of you and you stepped away before running into the trees. The instant regret took away a bit of the fire in your heart, you’ve never bared your fangs at any of the Sullys, even in playful moments.

As you walked through the small jungle area of the island you scrubbed your hands over your face, trying to erase any evidence of your tears. Cheeks flushed with your blood rushing and eyes touched with a red hue in the whites, chest heaving with hiccuping breaths and your ribs hurt with every few beats. Finally, your knees just gave out causing you to collapse to the floor, a deep growl building in your throat.

With a scream, you cried to the Great Mother, begging and pleading for Neteyam to come back. As exaggerated as it sounds, you needed Neteyam to breathe, to live. He unknowingly gave so much purpose to your life, you planned a future with him, you talked about children when you were ready. Pandora doesn’t have the same vibrant colors you use to see every waking day, it doesn’t hum with the high-pitched energy that you felt in your bones. Everything was dull and gray, the food tasted bitter on your tongue.

In your moment of heaving air and pleading to the air, arms snaked around your waist and pulled you in tight against a solid chest. You indulged for just a moment, pretending it was your beloved, but the voice snapped the trance.

“Just pretend,” he kept his voice low, “pretend you are in his arms. Say the words to free your heart.”

Your cries died off, your brows furrowed at his words. You tried to turn your eyes on him, but he removed a hand from your waist and draped them over your eyes, blocking out everything unimportant. You heard the water crashing, the wind brushing the leaves and grass, and your ears twitching with every breath that touched the sensitive skin. His skin was a warm comfort, chest pressing with every breath released, the pads of his fingers just a bit rough from time, the arm still holding your waist was a welcome weight.

“Talk to me, ma… ma txe’lan (my heart).” A nice pet name, but you heard the hesitance, and ignored it.

You touched his forearm, “ma ‘teyam… how I yearn for you day and night. Fruits aren’t as rich and juicy, the sky isn’t as bright and clear, and the children’s shrieks of joy aren’t as full in my heart. You were the air I breathed each second and now with you gone, I feel like I am suffocating. So right now I am angry at you. You had to be the fucking fkew tsamsyiu (mighty warrior)! I- I know how Kiri and Lo’ak- how they care for the human, Spider, but- you couldn’t be selfish or- or pull Lo’ak away. You couldn’t say no, he- Lo’ak, has such a soft spot in your txe’lan. And I know, I know already, I’ve told him plenty of times, it is not his fault. He just wanted his friend back, I understand. And- and I understand your actions, your family was in danger- our family was in danger,” you heaved a breath, “I- I am not angry with you, I’m angry with the sky people. They can’t leave us alone, touching and violating our home and destroying every beautiful gift Eywa has blessed us with. We should have been able to grow old… grow a lor (beautiful) family in the forest. We would teach them the way of the bow, grow them into fkew tsamsyius or zeykoyus (healers), and they would learn from Mo’at.” Your body slumped, and energy vanished.

Lo’ak felt the tears but didn’t speak, only kissed your temple. The kiss lingered and then another kiss near your ear, another to your cheek, a fourth one to your jaw that lead to a few more. You felt him turn your head, both hands touching your neck, you didn’t dare open your eyes, too lost in the spell to break it just yet. With your hands moving to take hold of his biceps, you felt the breath of air ghost your lips.

“Please,” you begged with your heart.

His lips pressed to yours hesitantly, waiting to see if you’ll push further or break away. You tilted your head just a bit, granting better room for your lips to properly move together. And within those few seconds of kissing, you knew. You knew that the spark that was usually there every time has disappeared, telling you that this wasn’t your Neteyam and that you couldn’t see Lo’ak in any other way than as a friend, a brother.

You pushed away, shame filling your blood. ‘You shouldn’t have done this’ ‘This wasn’t fair to Lo’ak’

“I am sorry. I- I shouldn’t have…” “(Y/n), would you mate with me?”

Your head snapped to Lo’ak, eyes wild with confusion at his sudden question. He looked serious, with no hint of mischief within his glowing eyes. His hands still held a firm hold on your neck, his fingers grazing your skin. His ears were pressed to his skull, awaiting some type of answer from you.

“I- I… why would you ask such a question? Whe- where is this coming from?”

He licked his lips, “Neteyam would want you happy. He would want you to have that family, to grow old with someone who cares for you as he did.”

‘No one could care for me as Neteyam did’

“It hurts to see you in pain and I would do everything in my power to take it away-” “You do not like or love me, Lo’ak. You are just confused, I have confused you.”

He shook his head, “no, no. I do, I do like you. I hold love for you that can grow with time-”

“Lo’ak! Stop this!” You wretched free of his hold, “mating is a serious affair. You should not be proposing this pairing just because I have lost my promised one. You say that you are doing this because Neteyam would want me happy, but what about you? Would this union bring love into your life every time you think about it? Because you are blinded by- by our- by my unintended intimacy. I have taken advantage of your comfort, I have twisted your thoughts. You do not love me. You do not see me.”

“Oel ngati kameie, (Y/n). I do,” Lo’ak tried to reach out to you.

You shrunk back, “do not throw those words around worthlessly!” Your arms wrapped over your stomach, “Lo’ak, I know that you had some type of- of feelings for me when we were younger. Kiri mentioned it to me. And with time I assumed they faded because when we arrived here you were instantly transfixed with Tsireya. I saw how your eyes followed her movements, your brows raising, the- the greeting you said to her that caused giggles to spill from her lips. I could feel that this was something more. And when our training started I saw how nervous she made you, how she said your heartbeat sped up every time she touched you, the both of you sharing dazzling smiles. Tsireya makes you happy, Lo’ak.”

A sigh left your lips, “do not throw your happiness away because of me.” Lo’ak tried to take a step towards you but you backed away, throwing a hand up, “I think it best if we are away from each other for a while. I- I need to heal properly and you need to rid yourself of these thoughts for me and focus on spending time with Tsireya again.”

-

Four Years Later

“Fkew Tuktirey! A glorious catch! The family will be proud.” You shifted her head of braids, her laughs filling the air.

The two of you trudged back to your mauri pod, Tuk holding the fish she was able to catch. She’s grown so much in four years, now age eleven and standing at shoulder height, it brought tears to your eyes, she was already starting to be confident and outgoing. Neteyam would be so proud of her.

As she ran ahead into the home you could faint voices having a conversation, voices talking loudly and over each other. You were worried someone was getting yelled at, but when you walked in it was a different scene than what you expected.

Near the entrance, Jake and Neytiri were seated on the ground, smiles brightening their faces in glee. And you noticed that two other bodies sat across from them, Tsireya and Lo’ak, their hands clasped beside their thighs. They all looked up at your and Tuk’s interruption to the home, but no smiles faltered at the intrusion.

“Sa’nu! (mom) Sempu! (dad) Look at the fish I caught with (Y/n)!” She hopped her way over to her parents. They both gasped and applauded her catch, Jake pulling her into his lap, pecking her face in quick kisses causing her to laugh. It was a joyful sight to behold.

“This will make for a wonderful dinner tonight. A celebration of two!” Neytiri boasted. You cocked your head, “what’s the other occasion?”

You took note of Jake and Neytiri sharing a look and Tsireya and Lo’ak doing the same, you and Tuk were the only two out of the loop. It wasn’t until Tsireya gave a simple nod that Lo’ak turned to you, “Tsireya and I are to be mated.” Tuk shrieked in delight before leaping to the couple for hugs.

“I always knew the two of you would come together,” a declaration heard by everyone but meant for Lo’ak. “You were always wise, (Y/n),” then suddenly Lo’ak did the gesture, hand to his forehead before dropping. I see you. The others might have thought it weird, but it meant a lot to you, Lo’ak finally understood you.

“Oh, Tsireya, I can’t wait for you to be an official family member!” Your arms are thrown over her shoulders. The two of you giggle with infectious joy and wiggle your bodies with buzzing energy. 

-

Four Years and Two Months Later

The waves crashed and cried, the thundering in your ears almost a welcomed melody at this point. The blazing sun of the late afternoon warmed your skin in a nice hug, and gentle kisses to your cerulean stripes.

Your back sunk into the grains of sand on the beach, the shade of a palm tree leaves bringing relief to your face. Your eyes were closed in peace with lips slightly parted to release puffs of air, hands clasped over your stomach as it rose and fell. With your hair free of braids and the wind blowing, your jet-black strands would tickle your chin or nose, a crinkle forming to stop an incoming sneeze.

Almost slipping into a calming slumber you missed the soft steps heading your way on the beach, the wind and water covering the tracks. It wasn’t until a crunching noise grew louder that you heard the sigh of someone beside you. So you peeled an eye open and in the corner you saw-

“Lo’ak. Did you need something?” You just closed your eye and waited for an answer from him. Body stays in its tranquil state.

He didn’t say anything, you only heard shuffling on his part. But you waited, letting him collect his thoughts since it’s been a while since the both of you have been alone together. It was nice to be around him again, but you knew it was for the best, for both of you.

There was a graze to your forearm and it made you tense up, the touch unwelcomed. You didn’t push him away, just turned your head and stared at the boy- the man before you. Your golden eyes squinted at his quiet demeanor, knees pulled up and head bowed with his braids falling over his shoulder and shielding his face.

“Lo’ak,” he jerked his hand away like you burned off fire, “why have you come here? It is best if we are away from each other.”

His head moved, “I’ve missed my old friend. Missed sitting in silence with you and just keeping each other company as we mourned for Neteyam. Missed having you join me when visiting Payakan, he misses you as well,” a quick laugh, “and I- I just missed being with you.”

You let the words sink in, digesting and absorbing every syllable and word. “I have missed you too, Lo’ak.” A simple confession. You saw the tiny smile on his face.

“Are you excited to be mated with Tsireya?” Wanting to have an easy conversation.

Lo’ak looked out into the clear waters, “yeah. I’m lucky she accepted me, flaws and all. She’s so perfect and gentle and sweet with everyone she meets, always having my heart squeeze with admiration for her. And she chooses me, reckless and carefree Lo’ak who’s always doing shit to get me into trouble or danger. The perfect girl chose the disappointment. It is almost like a dream.” His fingers twiddled, pulling at the joints or tapping fingers together.

“You are not a disappointment, Lo’ak.” A poke was sent to his thigh for his attention, “your family loves you very much. And, yes, some of the things they have said to you haven’t been the nicest, but they bubbled from a place in their heart from fear of losing you.”

He looked away, hands still fidgeting so you pulled the closest into your grasp as you continued speaking, “and you say you are lucky for Tsireya choosing you, but she is also the lucky one. She looks at you like you hung every star that sparkles in the night sky, you pull laughter from deep within her chest, her heart. She touches you with a fragile air, hands always clasped between your bodies or caressing your cheek as she gets lost in your eyes. I see all this from far away. And- and I envy the both of you.”

Lo’ak opened his mouth to speak but you stopped him still needing to speak your mind, “I am so happy that you are able to have this love in your life. You truly deserve the best Lo’ak and being with someone who makes your days brighter and heart lighter, Eywa has given you a great blessing.”

You saw his eyes gloss over with water forming and his tongue popping out to lick his lips. You said all that needed to be spoken, so now you let him understand your words and waited for anything to be said from his side. With his hand still in your hold you ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“(Y/n), I know these are probably the words you don’t wish to hear, but I too need to speak my mind as well.” His eyes bore into yours. You had a guess as to what he was going to say, but just nodded your head and let him speak.

“I did like you. When we were younger and I saw you in action for the first time, it was like Eywa crafted you with such care and precision. I was in awe, but Neteyam got to you first, so I kept a certain distance when it came to you. But when… when he died… I felt- I felt just a bit of hope that- that- I don’t even know now. But I do want to say… you were right. Us being separated helped clear me of confusing thoughts and feelings and allowed me to focus on the one who loved me right away.”

-

Four Years and Nine Months Later 

The beach was crowded. Every resident of Awa’atlu was present and dressed in their finest for the union of Tsireya and Lo’ak, the first pairing of different clans. Tonowari and Ronal along with Jake and Neytiri stood to the side of their children, and their siblings at the front of the crowd. You stood between Kiri and Tuk, a hand in both of yours.

You watched and listened as Ronal stepped forward, with her being tsahík she was the one to officiate the wedding, giving her blessings and wise words from Eywa. You saw the smiles pulling at the parents' mouths and the tears welling in their eyes, their children have grown up.

Tsireya with her hair intricately fashioned with beads and shells, her top that shimmered with pearls covering every inch of skin, but her smile and teary eyes were the most beautiful part of her. Her ever-expressive face showed that she was excited to spend the rest of her life with the man standing before her, ready to start a family with him in the future when they are further into adulthood. Excited to wake up every day to his face and arms wrapping her tight to his chest and falling asleep every night to the feel of his chest moving with every breathe and feel the light kisses he would place upon her hair or forehead before mumbling how he loves her and wishes her a good night.

With Lo’ak it looked like he was holding himself back from jumping into Tsireya and tugging her into a steering kiss. He wore a newly woven armband with a feather attached and an Omatikaya cummerbund, almost like his final goodbye to the forest before he gets his tattoos of the Metkayina warriors in due time. He held her hands tightly, thumbs constantly moving to show his nerves and excitement. His smile was ginormous, it was pushing his cheeks high and causing his eyes to squint, it was adorable. His tail was swinging side to side in a rapid movement and his ears were perked high, listening to every word being spoken by Ronal. His eyes shine with love, probably thinking of getting to kiss his mate whenever he wants, day and night nothing would stop him from a quick peck or a passionate melting of lips that caused hands to wander. He’ll enjoy all the loud and quiet moments in their home, just enjoying the other company as they do their own tasks. He’ll talk about his day over dinner and she listens with focused ears and watchful eyes.

The loud cheers of the crowd snapped you from your daydreaming, imagining you and Neteyam’s future.

Tsireya and Lo’ak share a kiss before the clan, their joining of queues and mating before Eywa would take place away from the eyes of others.

With a feast held in their name, everyone was in high spirits. The music was flowing and people were dancing, the food was cooked to perfection and in abundance, and the drinks splashed causing people to let loose. You clapped, cheered, and laughed with your new clan, your new home. Conversing with people your age and allowing yourself to make new friends.

When the eclipse was high in the sky you excused yourself from the festivities and walked to a secluded part of the beach.

As you lay on the beach with your hands behind your head and eyes staring up at the sky, you yearned for him once again. Yearned for his warmth and his touch, his voice and laugh. Yearned for the domestic life you envisioned yourself to have with him, imagining your children squealing and running amuck, but bringing endless light and joy to your lives, as he’d done to yours.

With almost five years passed since his departure, everyone has healed most wounds. There were still cracks and tears within your hearts that might never mend, but you knew that Neteyam was watching all of you. He would be smiling and almost shocked that Lo’ak mated before him, but he would be happy because he knew his little brother deserves every ounce of love. Neteyam would be happy that everyone is living their lives happily and growing more into themselves, with great love filling their bones.

And with that knowledge, he’s happily waiting with Eywa until his family can join him on the other side.

...

[nothums-from-tj]

Benson Dunwoody: Upbringing Headcanons and Interpretations

From someone who’s only seen seasons 1-3, parts of 4-6 and none of 7-8 yet

Hi I’ve been rewatching Regular Show which I didn’t get to finish since I lost cable by the time I was like 13 or so (2014-15) so I didn’t really see the end of it and I started losing some interest by s4-5, so that’s why only parts of it. I’m older now and realizing I have sooo many similarities to him and his childhood from what I’ve seen/known this far and I’m having fun so ! Hope y’all do too :]

I’ll likely reblog when I’ve gotten further into the series!! If any episodes aren’t noted that are referenced I either haven’t watched them yet (saw a clip) or have been named previously!!

Even without his father teaching him that he needs to yell to earn things, he would’ve probably turned out to have a loud speaking voice anyhow as it seems the yelling was a common occurrence (“Think Positive”)

As the baby in the family, he probably saw so much shit his older sister had to deal with as far as “you did the littlest thing wrong so you’ve ruined everything” he probably did everything he could to avoid upsetting people

He’s def a people pleaser as we see how he is with Mr. Maellard and how hard he pushes the crew to try to fit Maellard’s standards (“Benson Be Gone” particularly comes to mind)

I think he used to be really similar to Mordecai and Rigby growing up and why he’s especially hard on them

Doesn’t necessarily count under this category whoops- I’d say he’s only like 5-ish years older than Mordecai and Rigby (his table hockey days were 10 years prior to season 2 where they would’ve been like 13-14, Benson could’ve easily been 18-19 or so though I’ll look into other flashbacks of him to calculate) (“Stick Hockey”)

He’s very emotionally neglected providing his father told him he’s not good at anything and his dreams are dumb or something along those lines

Growing up with OCD/other anxiety disorders is a nightmare and he checks sooo many boxes (as someone with OCD/a couple anxiety disorders since childhood), particularly how he often mentions that he has nothing left without his job at the park as if there are no options whatsoever (“Busted Cart”)

On top of that, the main reason he does stay at the park is for respect and control, something he’d never received at home (upon Hair to the Throne offering him his position back in the band and he denied saying he likes working at the park, despite referring to himself in s2 as “a no-good loser stuck working at a park for the rest of his life”) (“150 Piece Set”)

He used to try to reach out to his parents often upon moving away from home and it took him not being able to contact them for like a week and a half or so for. Idk whatever reason to realize they never reached out first or even really cared enough to know what was going on w him for him to stop reaching out and he hasn’t really heard from them since

Has had a gambling addiction since crazy young, seeing he’s claimed that he’s best at cards and the way he used to gamble his life at table hockey on a regular basis, enough so he brought in seemingly a family member to join him and it took said apprentice to lose his life in order for him to stop playing

Also since I say he was about 18-19 at the time of being a table hockey master, he had to’ve been playing either publicly or with the right person to get discovered especially as his father tried to tell him that he has no talents, and it must’ve started when he found either this or cards as something he’s really good at (“Fortune Cookie”)

He didn’t seem to grow up with many friends and he never learned how to be patient or even too kind, even trying his best efforts weren’t doing too well, though he did gain respect and appreciation from others in authority by going above and beyond or at least doing what was asked of him when his peers wouldn’t (noting his sensitivity to others believing he has little to no personal/social life) (“Weekend At Benson’s”, “Eggscellent”)

I’ll be sure to add on when I have more!!! Loving this silly little gumball machine rn

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A lot of NeigeVil today! Well we always get Neige-related asks when we post him; in-universe and in real life, Neige stans never miss 💪😔💕 I’m glad you enjoyed the sketch!

There are always some Azul and Jamil and some other stuff.

Anonymous asked:

Vils face simultaneously says ‘oh sweet seven he found me.’ And ‘seven above kill me now.’ And I’m living for it

Every time Neige is being friendly with him, Vil has to physically force himself to count to 10… But when Neige’s appearance is this sudden, he immediately gets both of these thoughts stuck in his head lol

Thank you so much!

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Oh fan will go NUTS seeing Neige glomp Vim

Absolutely, magicam will crash because of everyone’s reactions lol

They’ll change their profile pics to this moment.

They’ll be spamming this clip everywhere for weeks.

They’ll write threads overanalyzing every little gesture that occurred during this 2 second long event.

It’s going to be bad lol

Anonymous asked:

NEIGEVIL I LOVE NEIGEVIL ♥️♥️♥️

Same same!! Thank you <3

Anonymous asked:

Ngl that art of Neige hugging Vil from.behind gives me some kind of unintentional (?) stalker Neige vibe and I'm here for it like it seems like he came out of nowhere and ambushed Vil

Maybe I just like the idea of Neige doing a bunch of questionable and problematic things because it's such a contrast

Yeah, I get it! With Neige, everything is innocent at first glance; on this particular sketch he just saw Vil at some event (maybe red carpet?) and got excited because he haven’t seen him for some time. But the moment when Neige notices Vil, he stops thinking about anything else, rushes through the crowd of people who are clearly busy doing their own celebrity thing, and just jumps on him, startling him and all. It’s serious tunnel vision lol And of course once he sees him, he won’t be able to look at anyone else for the entire event. Can’t blame him though…

Still, it’s kind of a mild thing. Neige deserves to do more suspicious and questionable things lol

hipsterteller asked:

okay...either the pineapple pizza ((its like stoner food for me)) made me hallucinate cause...why does Neige look like Pee-wee herman?

The resemblance is accidental – I don’t even know the guy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous asked:

Has Azul everthought of kidnapping Jamil before? The tweels will likely be interested

Oh the tweels would cooperate happily, this sounds like a fun plan, especially if Azul has something interesting in mind for Jamil~ “Gentlemen, we’re going to kidnap Jamil-san”… quite intriguing, isn’t it??

In all seriousness, I don’t think Azul ever thought about it in details, but I also don’t think it’s out of the question for him. If he has a good reason (or just wants it very badly and comes up with an excuse), he definitely won’t hesitate. The idea of Jamil being trapped and unable to run away from his advances sounds wonderful, especially if Azul gives Jamil an ultimatum, i.e. if you cooperate with us, we’ll let you go. That way he could savour Jamil (wink wink) while he haggles with his own pride and considers Azul’s offer.

It won’t go as smoothly as Azul expects though lol

Anonymous asked:

How about Azul being jealous of Jamil being with Ruggie? Like I am sure at least he can take his opponent down easily since he isn't a higher class.

I think Azul doesn’t even realise that Ruggie could be a rival to him and doesn’t really consider him a threat, at least at the very beginning. But if they are put in a situation in which Jamil constantly chooses to partner with Ruggie, it’s definitely going to offend Azul. He knows that Ruggie has his strengths and a decent level of knowledge, since he helped out with the Lounge a couple of times, but he still thinks that he is better than him.

He won’t just jump straight to disposing of Ruggie though; he’ll try to win Jamil over at first. You know, trying to make Jamil see just how much better of a match they are compared to Jamil and Ruggie. But it’s Azul we’re talking about, and he can get quite petty lol

Anonymous asked:

Seeing this post (https://www.tumblr.com/ryuichirou/735069892134551552/just-be-grateful-he-doesnt-have-a-lower-half)

Made me think of a twst x monster high au with malleus x Rochelle Goyle (in gen 1 she has a boyfriend  but  for the sake of the au she doen't)

Don’t know anything about Monster High, but yeah I see, she is a gargoyle girl…

Well, someone might write a fic about it lol

Not us though, since we’re not really into Monster High or het ships.

[corey-wh0re]

You've got a sad look in your eyes | Corey Cunningham x Male Reader

A/N – I wanted to meet my own Halloween deadline, but this is my first fic ever, so everybody bear with me. I’ve had such debilitating brain rot for this man ever since I saw the movie that I knew I had to make the leap & try my hand for my fellow mlms out there who feel the same way about Corey. This is for y’all!

Summary – Returning to your hometown for the first time since you went off to college, you pay a visit to your former best friend, who you haven’t seen or spoken to since you left, and try to reconnect with him one chilly October night.

Warnings – 18+, angst, fluff, smut, Dom!Bottom!Reader, Sub!Top!Corey, oral, anal, praise kink? (I just picture Corey as being so emotionally starved, especially after ~the incident~ that he gets turned on by most displays of affection)

Words – 3.1k

––––––––––––––––––––

The rumbling of the engine filled the silence as your car sliced down empty Haddonfield streets, past abandoned houses and foreclosed businesses–a constant reminder of that night, the night HE came back. You weren’t there to witness the destruction firsthand. Lucky, everyone said. A gift to be untouched by tragedy. But you still felt it–the loss. It festered like an infected wound, branching out and rotting everything around it.

You didn’t like to think about it too much. Your thoughts were already clouded with the same face haunting you for years. Nearing your destination, your breath caught in your throat even daring to think of him. The unwieldy chestnut curls. The kind caramel eyes. The toothy grin. The psych–you snapped yourself out of it with the shake of your head. You knew you’d lose your nerve and drive past the gate up ahead if you indulged in those thoughts.

Lifting your foot off the gas just so, you let your car cross the well-worn threshold into the Prevo Auto grounds. You weren’t surprised by the easy access. You already knew who preferred to work under the cover of darkness…

–––––––––––––––––––– Exiting your car with cautious movements, you already spotted him at the edge of the garage. He was bent over, tinkering under the hood of a car. Even without seeing his face, you could already tell it was Corey from the set of his shoulders. His fixation on the task was so complete that he hadn’t even noticed your intrusion into his world of metal–just like when you were close. Body thrumming with anticipation the more you closed the distance, you couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Corey?”

Corey jolted up and around in your direction, narrowly avoiding clipping his head on the hood propped up above him. The surprise only lingered on his features long enough for realization to settle in, tightening his muscles like a vice and dimming the light in his eyes. You saw it immediately–this was no longer the same Corey you used to know.

He looked like he’d been rode hard and left out wet in his filthy denim coveralls and clunky work boots that left him shifting uncomfortably in. Even his ruffled mop of hair and stubbled face indicated somebody who’d given up on their appearance sometime ago.

“What do you want?” Corey asked, looking past you into the carpark beyond as his dirty hands fidgeted at his sides.

You took a step forward; he took a step back. You nodded your head in his direction instead, “I heard you were working here now.”

He nodded back, curtly. “I am.”

Sighing, your breath billowed out in the cold of the night. You pressed on, “Well, I just got home a few days ago and thought I’d stop by–“

“At midnight?” he cut you off, briefly meeting your eyes before making a show of adjusting his glasses.

“I also heard this was the best time to catch you,” you explained, shoving your hands into your pockets. Chancing another step further, you continued, “That you were more comfortable in the dark…alone.”

“It’s easier for work…” he trailed off, pivoting back to the car.

“Easier for you…or for everybody else?”

He stopped midturn, his back tensing at the question. Time ticked sedately along while the silence stretched on between you agonizingly.

You moved within reaching distance so he wouldn’t be able to look away from you again. “Corey, come on. Won’t you just talk to me?”

Corey slammed the hood down on the car and spun on his heels just as you got close enough to see the hurt in his eyes. “Why should I? Where’ve you been?”

Before you could interject, he hurtled over the rest of his words as if they had been lying in wait to explode from his mouth with as much venom as he could muster. ”I haven’t seen or heard from you in years and all of a sudden you just show up wanting everything to be like it used to be, right? Or are you just here to watch the freakshow? Show up and see if what everybody has been saying is true? How am I supposed to just talk to you when you weren’t even here? You’ve been gone all this time. You didn’t even call when I kill–“

With a flurry of blinks, Corey caught himself just short of finishing his sentence. The anger dissipated almost instantaneously from his face.

You stood your ground, stunned, but resolute. You had never seen Corey snap on anybody like that–even during heated arguments in your youth. Deep down, you knew if anybody deserved his fury, it was you.

Corey turned his head away, shrinking from your gaze as if you’d scolded him. Barely discernible over a sharp swell of wind, he muttered, “Just, please…leave.”

For the first time since returning to Haddonfield, you saw Corey–not the old Corey, not the Corey you had fallen in love with, not even the Corey you had heard ugly rumors about around town. You saw the Corey who was flayed alive by unspeakable devastation and didn’t have a hand to help sew him back together. You saw it in his baggy clothes; in the way his lip twitched in despair; the way his shoulders sagged with fatigue. In the still of the October night, he looked like a wounded animal…and it only drew you closer to him.

Extending a hand out to him, you pressed on, “What if I don’t want to leave?”

“Don’t!” Corey jerked away from your touch. He tried pressing himself against the car beside him, but it did little to hide the storm on his face.

You lowered your hands to deescalate his aggravation, sticking as close by his side as he’d allow.

“Don’t what?”

“You know what,” Corey spat, cutting his eyes your way. “I can deal with this shit from everybody else. I’m used to it. But you…”

Corey quickly averted his eyes again, looking anywhere but at your face. At first, you thought he had completely shutdown–then the moonlight reflected the sheen in his eyes.

Your left pinkie crept forward, encircling his right–alongside the silver ring he wore–as a sign of affection. He stiffened at your touch, but didn’t pull away.

“What about me? Tell me what you want to say, Corey.”

He mirrored your question, “What if I don’t want to?”

You offered him a weak smile, still trying your best to comfort him. “Then you’ll never get me to leave.”

His expression shifted, taking on a softer edge without entirely letting his guard down. Nevertheless, he gave you something to ponder, “It’s because you’re you.”

The conversation stilled again, your mind drawing a blank as if those words were meant to explain everything. You squeezed his pinkie for reassurance, “I’m me…I’m still me, and you’re still you, and that hasn’t changed.”

Corey choked back a sob, “But it has.” He paused to steady his voice, and dared to look you directly in the face, “Every night when it got bad…when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore…when I went back to that place…when I went there to…”

He shook his head, letting the implication die on his lips before redirecting, “I thought of you. I always hoped you’d be here, that somehow you’d know, because you were you and we were us. But you never were.”

The tears he’d held at bay fell freely then, unable to be suppressed any longer, “And as much as wanted to…as I’ve tried to hate you, I…can’t–because you’re you. You’re everything to me. You always showed me that I could be something more when nobody else would. So, please–“

You interjected this time, “No.”

“No?” he implored, incredulous.

Fortified by his confession, you let your nerves take over. It was now or never. “No. I know you want me to leave because you think it’d be easier, but it won’t be. You’d feel like shit. I’d feel like shit. We’d both be leaving this place emptier than we came here tonight and I’m not doing that again.”

You closed the remaining gap between you–a hair from your clothes meeting in the middle–till you could smell the oil on his coveralls. “I left you behind and I’ll never not regret it. It was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. I thought you’d be fine without me. I thought I’d be fine without you…I was a dumbass. But, I’m not gonna be the dumbass who makes the same mistake twice.”

You stared intently into Corey’s eyes, pleading to be seen the same way you could see him. You needed him to see.

“You can’t fix me,” was all he could respond with, his expression unreadable.

Without breaking eye contact, you edged your face forward. You caught the flicker of want in Corey’s eyes when you whispered to him, “I don’t want to fix you. I want to be here for you.”

While your pinkie was still entangled with his, you reached your free hand up to caress his cheek.

“Let me be here for you, Corey.”

This time, Corey didn’t resist. He closed his eyes with a labored exhalation, relinquishing the tension in his body and melting into your comforting touch without reservation.

In the peace of the moment, you noticed a halo of moonlight cascading down on Corey from above. It caught the coppery flecks in his messy brown curls and glittered off of his tear-stained cheeks like sun through stained glass. It made him look like an angel.

“After everything, you’re still my beautiful boy.”

From your close proximity to Corey, you felt something suddenly pressing into your body. A wrench crossed your mind briefly before you looked down and saw a tent in the midsection of his coveralls, pronounced even through the layers you could tell he had heaped on to quell the October chill.

Curiosity piqued, you couldn’t help but find yourself aroused at the sight. With the raise of your brow, you leaned into him, teasing, “Beautiful and excited.”

Corey’s eyes snapped open, wildly meeting your eyes before following your line of sight down to his own bulge. You felt his body go rigid as crimson crept up his neck, blossoming all the way to his cheeks.

You brought your hand up to run your fingers through his curls. He shuddered on impact, still frozen in place and unable to utter a sound.

You had no such trouble. Tantalizingly close to Corey’s lips, you purred words of encouragement with a devilish smirk, “If I knew calling you beautiful made you react this way, I would’ve whispered all kinds of things to you to see that sweet look on your face.”

“Bu–wha–I–?” Corey sputtered, managing to get control of his limbs again. He tried to wrestle his hands in between the thin space between your bodies to cover himself. You denied him access, pressing yourself firmly into him until you knew he felt your own hardening length by the involuntary moan he let out.

“Do you always make sounds as pretty as that or am I the first to hear them?”

You could feel him twitch in his pants in response. His eyes widened even larger as a series of indecipherable mumbles escaped his lips. The mounting heat between you left his glasses fogged while he searched for anything that would resemble a word to respond.

Your other hand fingered the zipper on his coveralls, the henley underneath peaking through. You took your precious time pulling it down further, “Do you want me to stop?”

Through parted lips, his breath hit your face in steamy waves of desire. Corey could only manage the shake of his head in his current state.

Your smirk stretched wider, savoring every second that prolonged the night’s inevitable events. He already looked ruined before you’d even properly touched him.

“Use your words, Corey. Tell me what you want.”

Eyes flashing impatiently and desperate for friction, Corey tried to rut into you. You pulled yourself away just enough to deny him that pleasure, leaving him to release a pathetic whine that went straight to your dick.

A few inches shy of fully unzipping him, you nudged him along, “Show me how much you want it, Corey. Show me what I do to you.”

Corey didn’t have to be told again. He threw his arms around you, yanking your body into his with an insatiable crash of his lips. You followed his lead eagerly, reciprocating his sloppy kisses and letting him pull you down with him onto the hood of the car.

Straddling him, you felt him moan into your mouth and his clumsy fingers reach under your shirt, exploring you. He gripped onto your skin like a life preserver, touching anything he could find. Your waist. Your back. Your chest. It didn’t matter as long as you were the one he was touching.

You pulled your mouth away, coming up for air. Corey hugged you tighter to himself as if you were going to leave him.

“Don’t,” Corey managed to croak out. “Please don’t stop.”

“I don’t intend to.”

You reached down between your bodies, tugging his zipper the rest of the way. He shivered beneath you as you slipped your hand past the band of his oversized jeans and into the straining fabric of his briefs, taking hold of his thick member. He became pliant in your hand, his arms falling beside him as he gave into your massaging touch.

You climbed down his body back off of the hood. Never halting your movements, you pulled his jeans and underwear down with your free hand, leaving his dick–and your hand–sticking out through the opening in his coveralls.

“Look at you. So fucked out. So pretty for me.”

Corey gasped as his cock hit the night air, twitching in your hand at the praise. It was even larger than it felt, already gorged and leaking with an angry, swollen tip tilting upward and a mass of unkempt fur surrounding his shaft. Bruised lips panting and glasses precariously askew on his nose, he watched you through heavy-lidded eyes as you dipped down.

You inhaled his cock into your mouth, burying your face to the hilt in his bush and letting his natural aroma overtake your senses. Straining in your pants while you hungrily swallowed him, you hurriedly tugged your own jeans and boxers down to free your length from its confines. You fisted your own manhood with fervor, chasing relief as Corey’s moans grew pornographically loud and he covered his hot face with his hands.

With a pop, you pulled off of his member. Corey whimpered in frustration at the loss of your wetness, running shaky hands through his curls and unsuccessfully trying to push them out of his scarlet face.

“Keep making those sounds for me, baby. We’re not done yet.”

Toeing out of your shoes, you shoved your jeans and boxers down to your ankles, leaving them behind on the cement floor. Dumbstruck, Corey could only stare as you remounted him, bottom half bare and dick swinging as you moved. Steadily squatting down, you positioned your hole above his slick cock.

“Do you want me to make you feel good?” You punctuated your question with a stroke, emphasizing your experience to him.

Corey nodded passionately, breathing heavily in preparation. Sinking down, you moaned in tandem with him as his tip slipped beyond your threshold. You felt your walls stretch the deeper you descended, bending your legs at his sides and feeling every inch of him fill you up.

He tried covering his face again, but you took his hands in yours. “Don’t. I wanna see you.” Even with your walls swallowing his dick, you could still feel him twitch in you.

That’s when you started to move, bringing your hips up and down and keeping yourself steady with Corey’s hands. Skin slapping and grunts pouring from your open mouths, you rode him like your life depended on it. You watched each other in your movements, losing each other completely to the feeling and sharing hurried kisses without missing a beat.

Blissed out, “Fuck, Corey,” involuntarily slipped past your lips. As soon as it did, you noticed his eyes darken and knew you’d unlocked that final door in Corey’s repressed subconscious.

Corey sat up suddenly to meet your chest. He held you in place with one arm and lifted your shirt up over your head with the other before thrusting in time with your pumps. The change in pace caught you off guard, leaving you huffing while Corey furiously abused your hole with harsh smacks. He had given himself completely to pleasure and the fire burning between you was going to take you over the edge.

Corey animalistically buried his face into your body, breathing in your scent and peppering your chest with greedy kisses. You could feel his grip tightening on your back as he pressed harder into your body, trapping your cock in a flesh prison you pistoned up with while he pummeled you walls.

Sensing you were both on the precipice, you blurted out as much praise that would come to you in your state, “Come on. That’s right. You’re so good. Such a good boy for me, Corey.”

A flash of the old Corey came over him, nodding obediently with a frenzied moan louder than any sound he had made all night. It sent you tumbling over the edge, your climax bringing stars to your eyes as your cock painted his shirt in white with load after load spurting out. Just then, you felt Corey’s own release shoot deep into you. His pretty mouth hung ajar, tremors racking his body while his thrusts slowed.

You wrapped your arms carefully around him and rested your sweaty forehead against his, slowing your breathing. Corey stayed inside you, but you felt him pulling away, as if he were conflicted on the sex you just had.

You gave him a quick peck to bring him back to you, “Hey don’t retreat in there. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere…literally. You’re still inside me.”

That managed to draw a smile from him. His first smile of the night. You brushed his hair out of his face, reciprocating it.

Bringing himself to not turn away for once, he confessed, “You were my first.”

You brought your lips together, ignoring the mess, the state of undress, and the tumultuous feelings between you. You were here for him and that was never gonna change again.

“I can be your always.”

[solarwynd]

Just watched a clip of nj singing his newest release and man unless he’s hardcore rapping he’s terrible on stage, this indie sing talking thing isn’t working for him and I wish he stopped

“I haven’t liked namjoon solo music ever since he changed his persona to rm I preferred rap monster ngl his first mix tape is still a bop” - anon

I didn’t know what you were talking about until I went looking, but I had no idea he had already performed CBTM at the dday final?? Past jimin and the very first date of that tour, I really tuned out. (Unless I’m mixing things up.)

I wouldn’t expect a performance of CBTM to be all that compelling because really what could anybody do during that type of song but sit and sing or do what he did in the clip I saw and kinda move around the stage. Plus he’s not a singer.

Outside of Jimin, I think Joon’s the other member who’s really evolved personally. And the work he’s put out since then reflects that. I think there’s a lot of people who probably prefer his rap. He obviously doesn’t want to just limit himself to that though. CBTM is just one song off the album. There’s a chance that he could’ve weaved some rap into some of the songs like he did with indigo, but I don’t think he’ll ever straight up ditch the singing.

[spudgoddess]

Back in 2020, I discovered a YouTube channel by a guy calling himself Mitten Squad. He did all kinds of crazy gaming challenges. Most of them were for Fallout or Elder Scrolls games. What they all had in common was that they were hilarious. Mitten Squad, or Paul as he also went by (his real name was Robert Joseph Wilson), had a dark, dry, deadpan sense of humor sprinkled with a bit of self-deprecation and a little silliness. I watched his videos constantly. 

Some of my favorite lines include: “I hid from Ringo, by hiding in Ringo.” (Can You Beat Fallout New Vegas with only Boxing Gloves?)

"You're probably wondering which is the boy and which is the girl. I won't give it away, but I will tell you this: the knife is a whore." (Can You Beat Skyrim With Only A Fork?)

“I spy, with my little eye, a vile whore, who needs to die.” (Context: he’s referring to an elderly woman NPC whose very presence always seemed to crash his Fallout 3 playthroughs).

“Explosions were happening. People named Paul were screaming. It was a mess.” (Can You Beat Lonesome Road Without Taking Any Damage?)

"With enough notches on my pistol to spell psychopath in Braille…” (Can You Beat Fallout New Vegas With Only Big Iron?)

“And when I say there were a lot of ants, I mean a lot.of ants. I wouldn't have said a lot of ants if I didn't mean a lot of ants.” (Can You Beat Fallout New Vegas with only Boxing Gloves?)

“You can get a two for one special on Raiders by using the code GRENADE at checkout." (I can never recall the episode, I just remember that it’s Fallout 3.)

“I know a guy who knows a guy, and both of those guys are me.” (Not sure which episode. Also, obligatory Transformers reference, this sounds like something Swindle would say XD).

There are so, so many more. But you get the idea.

There were signs early on that all was not well in Mittenland. He showed a brief clip of arguing with an air conditioner in a hotel room while drunk. Another time, he showed the aftermath of accidentally dropping a liquor bottle into his bathroom sink, breaking the sink. On another occasion, he displayed about 15, maybe 20 or so empty liquor bottles.

I remember thinking maybe he was being edgy, or maybe he’d saved those bottles up over a very long time. But I was wrong.

In 2021, he let his fans know that he was taking a break for several months to work on his issues surrounding alcohol. He’d been struggling for at least nine months, getting blackout drunk 3-4 times a week. Yes, a week. Like so many others, I realized he wasn’t joking, but really had a serious issue with his drinking. He was away for several months, and he seemed like he was getting or doing better. I didn’t follow his Twitter, nor was I on his Discord channel, so I was a little out of the loop. Quite some time later, I saw on the fan subreddit that Paul had been hospitalized for alcohol -related issues, and this was not the first time for him, either. He assured us he was getting better and wasn’t going to stop fighting.

Paul lost his battle with alcoholism in December of 2023. The official cause of death was pancreatitis related to his illness. He was 27.

I was working when I found out. I was on break, decided to look at Reddit, and the announcement  had been made. Since the internet is often full of said hoaxes, I stubbornly refused to believe it at first. But Paul’s dad confirmed it. I cried for the rest of the day.

Please, everyone, at the risk of sounding like a cliche or a commercial, if you or someone you love is struggling with any kind of mental health issue, including substance abuse, please, please get help.Even if you think to yourself ‘Oh it’s not that bad, I just like to have fun and drink a little too much.’ Please get help.

I struggle with mental health issues (C-PTSD, rejection sensitivity, and possible BPD–jury still out on that one, as ADHD can mimic it in some ways and I haven’t been tested yet) and I know the misery they can cause. Thankfully, I have a strong support system, and I know Paul did too. I like to think that if the pancreatitis hadn’t done him in, he’d have won the fight.

Rest in peace, Paul.

We love you.

[theshadowrealmitself]

Did a horror movie marathon with my friend yesterday, we got through most of the Chucky movies cause it’s been forever since we watched them and it turns out I skipped a couple when I first saw the movies, anyways, my thoughts:

Child’s Play 1: Amazing. Obviously. Karen was such a good mom, and it breaks my heart to think about the guilt both of them must feel, with Karen having been the one to buy the doll and Andy being the one who really wanted it. Forgot about the almost rape scene and that made me sick, but overall, fantastic movie, can see how it became a series

Child’s Play 2: Hard to watch as someone whose mom lost custody of them at 4 and has relatives in the system they may never see again. Still a fun movie, especially more towards the end. Absolutely loved Kyle

Child’s Play 3: Not as fun as the other 2 to me, but I loved Tyler, and I loved the whole thing with Chucky being mad that Andy wasn’t the one who opened the box, still can’t stop thinking about Andy’s mom and if she’s okay

Bride of Chucky: And we’re back, such a fun movie to watch, I fucking love Tiffany, I think everyone does, loved the whole thing with the couple thinking the other one is a secret serial killer, not even suspecting the world’s creepiest doll that’s in the backseat, I’m sad that their friend died, couldn’t stop wondering what Andy was doing throughout all this

Seed of Chucky: Veered more into parody, so some parts were weird, did not like impregnating Jennifer Tilly without her consent thing but. okay. I guess. Wasn’t as much about Glen/da as I thought it would be? Also thought it was going to be more about them being genderfluid, but it kinda read more as a DID thing to me, fucking loved the ending tho were Chucky’s like “fuck it I wanna stay as a doll” and Tiffany was like “but 🥺 I wanna be Jennifer Tilly 🥺”, still wondering about Andy throughout all of this

Curse of Chucky: Hard to watch because that sister was so fucking ableist. fuck her. Knew there had to be a connection between them and Chucky (I had seen this one before but it was so long ago I forget the ending), till the home movies part I was really hoping they had a connection to one of the people who know Chucky’s actually alive, like the detective in the first movie. I didn’t like the ending where it turns out Tiffany was helping him only because it ruined the jokes I was making the whole time about Chucky taking the divorce hard and regressing to past vendettas

(Also the whole backstory thing for why he had a grudge against that family was something I didn’t like, like I loved how in BoC, he didn’t even wanna actually get married in the first place before he likes the idea, and then by the end of SoC, he wants to go full domestic with his wife and kid (just for Tiffany to be like “I’m leaving you and taking the kid”, so fucking iconic of her), what the fuck do you mean he’s “always had a thing for families”?? Also what about his accomplice being there??? Wtf was all that about??)

Also, still can’t help but wonder about Andy, the ultimate final girl

Cult of Chucky: We didn’t get to this one, we were maybe gonna watch it today but it doesn’t look like my friend will have time, so it’s on a waitlist, still I have seen this one before in the past, so I know Andy’s going to show up, so fucking excited to see him again

And then I haven’t seen anything about the show, besides a clip of Chucky acknowledging he has a kid(s), really hoping when I do get to the show, that it mentions what happened to all the other people who know Chucky is a possessed doll and are still alive

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

I stopped watching the rookie and haven’t watched new Amsterdam in while because I got so fucking tired of how every show on made it seem like a woc couldn’t possible fall in love with a man of color which just got me so annoyed! Like sure I love Sharpwin they my otp but the fact they had Sharp break up with two perfect fine Asian men for no rzn and made the most lame bs excuse ever just to get her with the yt male lead got me so triggered couldn’t they just not set them up to fail or just for the plot if they wouldn’t wasn’t everrrrrr gonna make them happen in the first place so we some of us wouldn’t get excited to attached or get our hopes up about the ships! don’t get me wrong I love sharpwin but it was just so annoying especially as someone who is huge fan of her and my girl is always paired with the yt lead and in 90% she gets hate for it by yt fans of the show cough doctor who fans my poor queen the hate pain and suffering she’s endured bc of whovivians is unimaginable so yeah glad she’s loved in yt ship now

then there’s the rookie that I stopped at first I loved Chen and Bradford they 2 of my favs but I didn’t like how they seemed to just have my girl go from one old yt cop to the next then they had her date another 2 guy in uniform but didn’t even give them a chance and they were both moc I think so it was like nah let’s not give them a chance so she too can end up with the yt lead man again like she didnt start the show with being into the white male lead! That’s what I hate them not even giving woc a chance to find happiness or date or love with moc! look at Bobby and athena love that ship it wasnt just let’s have the black woman with the yt male lead it was build up it had romance it was a ship with substance like they didn’t break her and her moc up just bc they wanted her to end with the yt lead there was a whole story seasons before they happened all of that great writing great plot great storyline then just thinking every show has to have the woc end up with yt male lead bc thats what they think everyone wants it for some odd reason especially blackpeople god knows where they got that from but I’m sure it’s their thinking no one wanna watch a black/poc ship be happy in love and that people just want yt leads in all and every one of the ships bc that’s the only way anyone ever wanna watch enjoy the show that ship right or even root for the blackpoc ships characters as love interests or as in general their whole characters arcs! and it seems sadly right on some parts bc yts defently only ever wanna watch a show or ship if there’s at least one yt lead as part of the ship and as face of the show! Anyways im so fcvking tired of it! that’s why I ain’t getting my hopes up about popecleo in obx and that’s why they making jiara happened now bc that theory of theirs sadly has merit! I won’t even start on Bridgeton fcvk that whole show but ben polin edwina and ! that’s why I say Mr. Malcom’s List is far far far superior period drama then anything bridegerton could ever think of or ever do.!!

Heard something reverse went down in show resident it’s been a while since I watched was on s3-s4 I think and I stopped bc I saw a spoiler that I’m still not ready to face like my queen Emily whom I’ve watched every shows she’s been in d worded so I can’t get myself to watch but saw some clips here that it was reversed tho

there’s so many shows I could tag that did this sh*t if there’s any y’all feel so strongly about like me with the ones in the tag do share might have started that show but given up when all that shit went down who knows y’all could surprise me an it could be a show I aint seen

[greatyme]

8 Shows To Get To Know Me

Thank u for tagging me @jyuubin!!

Invader zim

I was a big nick/cartoon network kid & invader zim is just such a classic. I would watch the shit out of it, I’ve bought the whole series, the whole deal. When I was little I based my identity off of gir and when I was rewatching not too long ago I realized I still have so many lines memorized… it’s so silly and stupid and smart and gross I love it

My babysitter’s a vampire

Since this is a get to know me tag we’re like going through time with these series. This is another one I have lines memorized from! If I were to say which character I am it would be Rory and that is Important to know. A bunch of my friends love it too and we’ve rewatched it together it’s so fun whenever we do <3 another classic if u ask me

Merlin

If u asked me in like 2015-2017ish what my fav show is I probably would’ve said Merlin. And it stayed up there as a fav show for a WHILE. I’ve never been able to rewatch it bc of like. The Pain the finale caused me but I was obsessed with it when I did watch it. I had some huge multiship mindset going when I watched it and was shipping basically everyone together which I don’t think I’ve done for any other show… I watched tf out of the bts for it too. Like I was kinda in deep…

Skam/druck/skam austin

Is it cheating if I put a show and my two fav remakes LMAO… I’m a big skam girlie. We should all know this. I made this acc when druck was airing as a skam + remakes blog. I had a skam austin username for the longest time (rip gracefulnosplinters). The og is such a classic and gave me some of my fav pan rep (so did druck)! I was so so so obsessed and in my heart I still am. I’ll defend skam austin to the ends of the earth. I met some of the druck cast members (heyyy Lukas). I lived and breathed those clip drops in real time like they were AIR. I completed the Norwegian duolingo course and my streak is still going. But really which skam viewer has ever been not entirely invested in the series. I’ll stop now cuz I could talk Forever about it all…

The untamed

Oh god. If you knew me when I first watched cql I’m genuinely so sorry… I would NOT shut up. It was every other word out of my mouth. I related every goddamn thing I saw to the show. It consumed me for MONTHS. As in I literally couldn’t watch anything else until a few months later after binging all sorts of bts, adaptations, and reading parts of the novel (funny thing is I still haven’t seen all adaptations/everything lmao). I always say it’s a good thing I couldn’t legally drive people when I was in this phase cuz I ONLY listened to/played the fucking character osts in the car for months like I knowww my mom was sick of it (she’s the only one who had to deal with me in the car lmfao). It was also the first time I ever actually made a sideblog for anything. I found the show at a very fitting time in my life too. Probably one of the hardest times ever but some of the themes in the series stuck with me in ways that felt so personal. A lot of love here

Kinnporsche

Another one I was super invested in at the time. Would not shut tf up about vegaspete. Very annoying about. Rewatched tf out of it. You know the drill. The few months I spent watching it was so eventful

HIStory2: crossing the line

Okay I think I’m really just in a HIStory mood lately but this fucking show. THESE TWO. YU HAO AND ZI XUAN. WHAT THE FUCK. The best way I can explain this is in a way no one else can understand: it appeals to a younger part of me in a very specific way. Like it’s scary. The chemistry is insane like going back to it after about a year still made me feel the exact same crazy way. One of the greatest losses caused by covid was the sequel that got cancelled 💔

Bad buddy

We all saw this coming. Gotta end with a bang. My favorite ql of all time. Insane to experience live and such a perfectly crafted show (thx p’aof). Layers upon layers of depth to write about (which like tbh every bad buddy fan basically has, me included). Just so much to love. Speaking of love: milklove origins too!!! We get it all from one silly little series. I remember exactly where I was so vividly when I experienced so many iconic scenes. It’s legendary!

I’m gonna tag @dumpsterslugz (I can tag you in things like this now >:D) @pondphuwin @heart-ming @markpakin & anyone else who wants 2 do this !!

[duncneytales]

I kind of hope you're tortured too.

So if you haven’t heard “Is it just me?” By Emily Burns you SHOULD because it’s a great song and It could definitely be a duncney anthem lol

About a month ago this song came back to me after a year (I think) of not listening to it and my mind automatically went to Courtney’s pov, so I started working on a fic. The thing is that I got stuck and I couldn’t finish it, plus it ended being a “Courtney and Bridgette besties” fic more than a duncney one.

I have this little hc that the reason Bridgette and Courtney grew apart in season 2 was because Bridge was a good friend of Gwen and at that time Courtney was just incredibly insecure about Gwen and Duncan. Also, I feel like Geoff’s actions as a host in the Aftermath kind of made the Killer Bass 5 split up because he did played a huge part with that clipped he showed Courtney. Basically all of this ended up being why their relationship clearly wasn’t the same in season 3. So yeah, all this hc are just excuses for the lazy writing from the show and for abandoning Bridge-Court and Duncan-DJ-Geoff friendship.

Anyways, so I’ve decided that since this was in my google docs drafts, I might as well just post it here. It hasn’t been revised so there’s probably a few mistakes here and there but anyways!! Here it is. ALSO, go listen to the song. It’s just so good. Here’s the link to Spotify.

enjoy the Drabble! It’s also in ao3 here.

(…)

It was pathetic, Courtney thought. She was pathetic.

It had been months since her very public break up with Duncan, since he cheated on her in internacional TV and since they last finished filming Total Drama: World Tour. It had been six months and she still couldn’t hear his name without feeling that her heart would stop in an instant.

Courtney had thought that once they were over with filming the reality, once she wouldn’t have to see or deal with either of Duncan and Gwen, she would finally healed, but for the first four months it wasn’t like that.

For the first four months she was a zombie, weak, vulnerable and completely shattered by the betrayal of her boyfriend and a person she thought was a friend. She stopped hanging out with anyone that reminded her of Duncan; Courtney barely saw anyone from the cast, except for Bridgette.

Bridgette was once one of the most normal friendships she had, but after filming the second season of the show something broke between them. They didn’t talk much about it, but they still knew that something just wasn’t the same. Maybe it was that the real world was far off different than their little camp in the island, maybe it was the fact that Geoff had turned into a completely different person after hosting the aftermath and had done terrible things, or maybe, just maybe, that Bridgette was such good friends with Gwen while Courtney was stressing about the possibility of something happening between the goth and her boyfriend. They didn’t lose touch completely, they still saw each other at group events, but their group of 5 from the Killer Bass eventually vanished.

They never talked about why they decided to keep a distance, but all those reasons were just in the air. Bridgette didn’t approve of Courtney’s personality during Total Drama Action and Courtney couldn’t stand how close the blonde and goth girl were.

The first time they reconnected was after the third season, during those awful first four months. Bridgette showed up at Courtney’s house one day, unannounced, and they slowly started hanging out again.

After two months of talking again, they went to a party. One of Geoff’s parties, especifically. Courtney didn’t approve at first, but Bridgette managed to convince her and she assured her that those two who “shall not be named” weren’t going to be there.

And the blonde girl managed to keep her promise.

The first two hours of the night ran smoothly and Courtney was actually having fun, much to her surprise. It wasn’t easy seeing her castmates, but she wanted to show she was making progress and, for a moment, she was actually grateful that Bridgette had dragged her there. That was until Duncan and Gwen crossed the door holding hands.

She felt so small, so weak. All she wanted was to crawl herself into bed and cry. Just cry for hours like she had done before.

Courtney took a deep breath before walking towards Bridgette, who was dancing with Geoff. She cleared her voice and touched the surfer's shoulder.

“Bridgette, I’m going home. Geoff, thank you for the party. It was lovely to see you. I hope everything goes great.” She gave them a forced smile while trying to talk over the music and quickly ran out of the house.

Bridgette couldn’t understand; what made her leave all over a sudden? Until her eyes finally found the couple who had entered a minute or two ago. She let out a sight and followed Courtney.

She found her outside the house with teary eyes and a look that managed to break Bridgette too.

“Oh, Court…” She left the words hanging in the air, slowly getting closer to her friend.

“You said they wouldn’t be there, Bridge. You promised!”

“And I was sure they weren’t coming. I don’t know what happened. Look, just let me–”

“I don’t want to talk, Bridgette. I just want to go home.”

“I’ll go with you, then. I’m worried about you.”

But Courtney didn’t answer. She just started walking while her heels clicked against the street. She couldn’t understand him. Why was it so easy for Duncan? She knew their relationship had taken a terrible turn at some point, but she believed he truly loved her, at least in the beginning. Courtney wanted him to suffer as much as she was suffering, it didn’t matter how selfish it sounded.

The brunette heard Bridgette pease hurrying up to her and she felt how she holded her hand, calmly.

“I won’t leave you alone.”

(…)

Courtney’s parents were asleep, so sneaking back into the house was easy. They didn’t talk on their walk there and they kept their silence all the way up to the brunette’s room. Bridgette couldn’t dare to say anything. She felt guilty about making her go to that stupid party and she was out of words.

Courtney laid on her bed, while Bridgette sat on the small couch of the room. The silence of the room was suffocating, especially for the blonde girl. She hated the silence. Neither of them looked at each other.

But, suddenly, Courtney’s voice was heard weakly.

“What do you know about them? About their relationship?“

Both girls exchanged glances.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Bridge.”

Courtney shrugged and her sight didn’t leave Bridgette’s eyes.

“I know you don’t tell me stuff because you want to protect me. Let’s face it, at first it was kind of funny getting drunk and scream at the sky because I was mad at him, but now…”

“But now it’s an issue” Bridgette ended the phrase and Courtney just nodded.

“I also know how close you are with Gwen. We can’t ignore that elephant anymore, can we?”

“Are you mad at me? Because sometimes I feel like you are, sometimes I feel that’s the reason we ever fell apart in the first place.”

Courtney’s eyes finally left the green eyes of the surfer, now she focused on the sheets of the bed. She started playing with her fingers, picking apart the little threads from it.

“I was mad at first, but not now. You have the right to be friends with whoever you want, so…”

Bridgette let out a sigh and took a moment of silence before speaking.

“Gwen is sad about what happened, but she kind of also seems happy with Duncan. I don’t know, sometimes they act like friends and they they look like a couple. It’s weird.”

“And him?”

She was terrified of what the answer might be. Courtney didn’t know to think about Duncan.

The latina wondered sometimes if he was as destroyed as she was, if every time someone said her name he felt like was being ran over with a truck and if he felt as lonely as she.

Other times her mind would remind her of the reality: he was with Gwen. They had a relationship, so no, he wasn’t crying in the shower at 3AM like she was every night. How could he be in so much pain and still be with Gwen? It was imposible.

Oh, but she wanted him to suffer so badly because that would mean that at some point he actually loved her. He had to grieve their relationship somehow!

“Court… Is it really worth it? Doing this to yourself?”

Bridgette got up from the sofa and sat again next to Courtney in her bed.

“I know it hurts, but you need to let them go. You need to let yourself heal.”

And those words were enough for Courtney to start crying and desperately hang onto Bridgette. The blonde girl hugged her quickly and took her in.

“I just want to know if he’s as miserable as I am, if there’s a part of him who misses me in the tinniest way.”

The surfer girl was, for the first time in a while, out of words. She didn’t know what to say to her best friend, so she just hold her as tightly as she could hoping that their friendship would help her for now because the answers the brunette was so desperate looking for was not going to help her.