#I hope it’s not in bad taste for me to be talking so openly about this

[mcnuggyy]

just a little behind the scenes but I ran the numbers and found I need to be making 420 book sales in order for my comic to be making a profit <3 hehehe funny weed number

[slasher-male-wife]

Hi new hc idea. Thomas hewitt, bubba swayer and og hannibal if you write for him if not nbc hannibal x male reader that is okay with them Killing and also with eating the special meat, juste dosent want to be involve in the "hunt". Dont forgot, take your time and dont overwork yourself and i hope you have a good day/night <3 (notice me if you dont take the request <3 )

I'd love to do this for you. I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this. I've talked about stuff that's been going on but now that my school is almost over I'll be hopefully posting more. I also have some OC stuff I'm interested in posting so look out for that.

Cannibal slashers with an s/o who's ok with eating human meat

Includes: Bubba Sawyer, Thomas Hewitt and Nbc Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: Murder, Cannibalism, talk of following traditional gender roles (barely)

Bubba Sawyer

He's a little surprised at how comfortable you are with eating human meat right away, but he's happy that you're doing it. Since you're so comfortable with eating human meat there aren't going to be too many issues for awhile.

Since you're so comfortable with eating human meat Drayton will probably ask you to help in the kitchen from time to time. If you don't know how to cook you'll learn from him. But if you don't want to handle the meat that's fine, he'll find something else for you to do.

Bubba is a little disapointed that you're not comfortable with killing people but he kind of understands because he assumes your reason are like Draytons. As long as you don't get in the way of their killing he's fine with you not participating.

If you just don't want to be around all of the screaming and intense situations of "the hunt" Bubba will find a way to keep you occupied outside or somewhere where you won't hear all of the noise.

Thomas Hewitt

Like with Bubba it's a good thing you're fine with eating human meat. His family might not believe that you're actually comfortable with eating human meat until you prove to them that you are.

It's also a good thing that you're fine with all of the killing. The more accepting you are of what the Hewitt do the more pleasant they'll be, at least as pleasant as they can be with other people.

Since you don't want to participate in the hunt or the killing Thomas will keep you out of the basement unless it's necessary for you to be down there or it's cleaned up.

Also I'd assume if you're a woman/ fem presenting the family will expect you to help in the kitchen, Hoyt more than anyone else will expect that but if you're bad with cooking they'll make sure you don't cook.

Hannibal Lecter

He'll wait awhile before breaking the news to you that he's been feeding you human meat, unless you figure it out on your own. But he's happy that you're not against continuing to eat human meat.

Hannibal will talk more openly about his cannibalism with you and ask you how different meats taste to you. He could go on four hours about his different preparation for different parts of the body.

He always does his killing for food by himself so you'll never have to worry about him asking you to join him on the hunt. He may ask you about rude people that you've encountered lately and such but he's never asking you to join him in killing someone.

He's also thankful you're not against him killing people. If you don't ask about him killing people then he won't tell you about the details. But if you're interested in the details then he's happy to talk about them with you.

[prongslvl]

DATING HIM - tangerine.

PAIRING tangerine x gn!reader

SUMMARY hcs of what's like to date the man, the myth, the legend; tangerine.

a/n: it's my first time writing hcs for a character so i hope it doesn't look weird or something! i merged two requests together to make it easier for me. happy reading! my reqs are open

the start of your relationship with him, even before the dating, was a rough road, to say the least.

with tangerine's secretive personality because of his job, it caused a lot of arguments. this results in lemon jumping in to save the day— honestly, the two of you owe him so much. 

when the two of you aren't talking about jobs, he's usually sarcastic and teasing during conversations. tangerine eventually confessed that he did it to gain a reaction from you. 

he confessed his love for you when you got caught in between the chaos of a job he and lemon had; the thought of you dying made him do so because to hell with a normal declaration of love, right? 

if you were never involved with anything, it would've taken him at least a month or two to even realize what he feels isn't just "person-who-unfortunately-crossed-paths-with-him" type of guilt but actual infatuation.

angry confession, most definitely. as i've mentioned, you two argue a lot, so in the heat of a argument, he'd go;

"can't you see i'm doing this for your safety?"

"i'm a full grown adult, tan, why are you so worried for!?"

"because i fucking love you, alright? and if see any of those bastards lay a hand on you, i don't know what i'll fucking do to 'em!" 

and he wouldn't be embarrassed about it after. you can hear lemon in the background saying, "about damn time!" 'cuz he knows from the very beginning.

tangerine would act differently the next day. "different" means just him being himself with you and finally expressing his true feelings for you openly. 

in your case, ever since you met the man, you've been in love with him. at first, it'd be sexual (have you seen that man's walk?) but after getting to know him better, knowing all the bits and pieces of his actual personality from lemon, you'd catch yourself staring too deeply into his eyes. 

the only reason you fought with tangerine in the first place was your need to get to know him and also let him know you're a person he can trust. as much as you liked every inch of him, secrets and lies left a bad taste on your tongue.

hanging out with them would be a reason for your involvement in their job. it's one of those cliches where the bad guys target the person close to their target so they can trap them. of course, you kept up your own fight.

when tan saw your injuries, he saw red. he didn't even think about the vast difference in your wounds compared to those of your captors. they'd have several bruised patches on their body, black eyes, etc., while you only had a bunch of cuts and a busted lip. lemon did tell you he was the type to shoot first and come with answers later.

in both scenarios, getting captured or in between arguments, after he confesses, you would be too shocked to answer him right away. 

a few weeks into tangerine's unspoken courtship, when you confessed as well, your relationship with him was all like clockwork. 

tangerine finally told you everything about himself, lemon, and the life they lived. all secrets were uncovered— he still kept some details, but it was enough for you.

expensive dates are on the table. as much as you refused to use so much of his money, tangerine would find a way to trick you into a fancy restaurant, saying it was for business, but after desserts with no businessmen approaching him, you knew it was all rubbish.  

tangerine wasn't the only one who could afford expensive things; as a professional pianist, you also had a bit of money to spend on your boyfriend. when he refuses to buy new suits that are actually on trend, you'd go by yourself and buy them for him—he'd have no choice but to accept the bags of new clothes when they're already nearly placed inside his closet. 

you shower him with compliments before he leaves for his job, wearing the suit you bought for him. he'd roll his eyes as he suppressed the smirk on his face. vice versa, he'd give you tons as well on both your looks and performance.

speaking of performances! 

someone give this man a perfect attendance certificate; he's always present at your performances, whether you can ask him or not. he uses his "in a relationship with one of your best talents" ticket to get front row seats. 

you would glance at the crowd to look for him, your eyes automatically scanning the front rows. you'd see him staring at you as if you'd created everything he's ever known. when he does notice your stares, he'll wink with a sly yet proud smirk on his face. 

lemon's beside him, silently cheering you on. 

he's the one you see first after going backstage, engulfing you in a tight hug and kissing your forehead. 

"how was i?" you'd ask, with him answering with no hesitation. "amazing, as always." 

tangerine may or may not have bought a whole grand piano in the middle of his and lemon's house so you can play or practice in their home. 

there would be attempts by tangerine to learn how to play the piano with you. you were a great teacher, he reassures you; his hands weren't just made for all that grace. 

in exchange, he'd bring you to a local shooting range. he brought his own gun for you to use, placing himself behind you as he guided the weapon in your hands. he purposely breathes on your skin, whispering inappropriate words in your ears as you press the trigger— that earned him a knock on the head after the session was over. 

shorter ver hcs !

you didn't like holding grudges, but tangerine was there to hold them for you. 

tangerine hates when people touch his hair, except for you, who give the best messages. he told you it was probably because of your profession that you got so good at working your fingers (several very mature jokes were made after that).

in the beginning, he always had his hair slicked back, but now he keeps his hair naturally curly when he's around you. 

he nicks it, and you put it back. 

lemon refuses to wear a bulletproof vest, saying something about a false sense of security, even with tangerine's scolding. but with you in the picture, he could only grumble to himself as he wore the vest underneath his suit. 

he likes giving you forehead kisses or on your head, saving the intimate ones for private. 

eye contact. unbreakable eye contact. he stares directly into your eyes whenever you talk or are just face-to-face with him. 

your waist as his arm rest. he'd snake his hands around your torso, the proximity between the two of you lessening by the second. 

you like fiddling with tangerine's rings, especially when he's wearing them.

you find it hot whenever he rolls up his leaves, and tangerine is fully aware of it. 

he doesn't like admitting it, but he easily gets jealous. when another person smiles too sweetly at you, his arm will find its way onto your shoulders, using his height to his advantage. sometimes it would be a fan of yours, so you'd scold him for scaring them away.

as for you, you're open about your jealousy. unlike tangerine, it takes a lot for you to get mad at a person, let alone be jealous. but when they were a woman purposely resting her boobs on his arms or a man getting too friendly with him, you'd shoot them the sharpest glare tangerine ever saw you make. he voluntarily removes himself from the person and tries to calm you down. 

when tangerine's angry, he's loud and aggressive. but when you are, you're unnaturally quiet and serious. lemon thinks you're much scarier than his brother. 

[itsnothingofinterest]

So uh, I have some concerns about this one line from the latest chapter I'd like to get off my chest.

While I'm sure there are more favourable or charitable reads of "I thought for sure that smashing Tenko's spirit would break them both" you could possibly make, a face value read really has me asking: Deku, what the hell do you mean by that? Did you mean to actually break Tomura's soul and leave him in the same unresponsive 'gone' state he left AFO in?

Because as much as I disapproved of invading Tomura's mind and understood why he fought against it, I did think it was just a 'forcefully break down his emotional walls to make him open up' thing. I thought when Nana and the other vestiges kept talking about attacking his core as a weak point, they were just being stubborn and still were a page behind Deku's plan to save him. But if Deku really did mean this whole ordeal as an attack to harm Tomura; well that's pretty disappointing to put lightly.

What happened to saving the crying child? What was the point of insisting on his humanity? Of refusing to just charge up a big punch and kill him? Was all this really just another, more tasteful way to put down the big bad the whole time? What, did he feel the need to end Tenko's sadness before smashing his spirit to feel like he got saved before the end? Oh God dammit don't tell me Deku's been following Gran Torino's advise this whole time!

Man I hope not.

But you know, sad to say a part of me always did consider in the back of my mind the chance Deku might’ve taken Gran Torino’s words about killing being a form of saving to heart. Never a big part, never a big chance before this chapter; Gran Torino’s crazy for thinking murder would somehow save Tomura and obviously Deku would never go for that, right?…but I don't recall he's ever has opposed or openly disagreed with his teachers (even at the times when he really should, we all remember him praising Endeavor to Touya's face) nor has he ever openly opposed anyone else's plans to kill Tomura in this arc; so there was always that 1% chance, you know?

But now, while yes favourable reads on that "smashing Tenko's spirits to break him" line are possible as I said, ...that chance might’ve jumped up to the double digits in my mind.

[laprincesitabella]

they don't return your feelings...

A/N: So this is going to be a little bit bad bc of my bad writting. I hope you guys enjoy and request all you want!

(kirishima, deku, and bakugou... seperated ofc)

Warnings: Angst thats it

Bakugou Katsuki:

I stared at him dumbfounded after he sat down, and offered me his hand. He's never been a fan of affection, nor never really hugged me. I mean I don't think a guy with a personality like his will ever do such things. I grabbed his hand and sat down beside him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He questioned, not meeting my eyes and looking up at the sky.

"It surprised me when you wanted to grab my hand." I laughed awkwardly.

He didn't respond, but he got closer to me. Then i have to spoil it all by saying something stupid like--

"i love you."

"what?" He looked at me like I was crazy.. I'm not crazy. Why aren't you saying that you love me? What is wrong with you!? It's not my fault if he doesn't like me back right?

He doesn't have taste. I'm not the pathetic one.

I couldn't stop thinking about these same thoughts for days after he said

"I don't love you. I have to focus on myself, and if you are just here to slow me down then... we should not talk anymore" He got up and then started walking away.

I'm not pathetic...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Izuku Midoriya:

I didn't understand what was going on in our class. I asked Midoriya if he could explain the topic. He said yes and told me to meet him in his room after dinner. Just hearing him say that made me skip a beat. I always wanted to be alone with Izu. It's just he's always with his friends or training somewhere. I walked towards his bedroom door after I stuffed my belly with some ramen and rice. I knew I wasn't going to concentrate that easy. He makes me so nervous. I knock on his door and wait for him to answer. "Oh! uh! in a sec!"

a girl voice..

that was not Izuku's voice.

The door opens to reveal a flustered Izuku. I looked over his shoulder and saw Ururaka behind him even redder than he was. It clicked almost immediately. He never liked me... He loved her. Why am I still standing here like an idiot?

"So sorry! I think i should go" I spat out.

I walked away fast. I didn't want him to see my face.

I didn't want him to see my tears. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ejiro Kirishima:

Eijiro Kirishima was a force to be reckoned with – his fiery spirit matched only by the unyielding hardness of his quirk. But despite his formidable presence, there was one thing that eluded him: matters of the heart.

As he navigated the bustling corridors of U.A. High School, Kirishima couldn't help but notice the lingering stares and shy smiles directed his way. Among those admirers was Y/N, a fellow student whose affection for him burned brighter than the sun.

Yet, try as he might, Kirishima couldn't find it within himself to return Y/N's feelings. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate their friendship or value their presence in his life – far from it. But when it came to matters of romance, Kirishima found himself at a loss, unable to reciprocate the emotions that Y/N so openly displayed.

It was a source of constant guilt and discomfort for Kirishima, who struggled to find the words to convey his true feelings without hurting Y/N in the process. He knew that he couldn't continue to ignore the elephant in the room, but the thought of confronting Y/N about his lack of romantic interest filled him with a sense of dread.

As he settled into his seat for another day of classes, Kirishima couldn't shake the feeling of unease that lingered within him. He stole a glance in Y/N's direction, their eyes meeting briefly before Y/N quickly averted their gaze, a faint blush creeping up their cheeks.

Kirishima's heart sank at the sight, knowing that he was the cause of Y/N's discomfort. He wanted nothing more than to ease their worries and reassure them that their friendship meant the world to him. But try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to say the words that he knew would break Y/N's heart.

As the day wore on, Kirishima found himself retreating further into himself, the weight of his unspoken feelings pressing down on him like a leaden blanket. He knew that he couldn't continue to ignore the situation, that he owed it to Y/N to be honest about his emotions – or lack thereof.

But as the final bell rang and he made his way out of the classroom, Kirishima couldn't shake the feeling of dread that gripped him. He knew that the conversation he had been dreading was inevitable, and that no amount of avoidance could change the painful truth that lay between him and Y/N.

And so, with a heavy heart and a mind full of turmoil, Kirishima steel himself for the confrontation that awaited him, knowing that the bonds of friendship would be tested like never before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: i wonder who is my fav

[chuckwon]

Here's Why I Want A Chuck Won Plot For The Sequel

Not to go the off about this on a random Saturday night or anything, but I have not stopped internally vibrating since the SPNWIN finale because the potential for a Chuck Won sequel plot line feels so implied and therefore so close I can taste it. I know that there are several people who don't like it as an explanation for the ending of season 15, and/or several people who don't like the idea of it being used as a sequel plot in the future. So I would just like to talk about why I, personally, am passionate about wanting them to use this particular avenue to move forward.

I'll likely unavoidably repeat some of the things I've said before elsewhere but... fuck it, I'm in my feelings, I want to get this out. Rambling on or whatever.

For the sake of clarity, here's a reminder of the POV I'm writing from: A) that Chuck's victory is canonically what was deliberately written as the plot of season 15, B) that it's meant to be noticeable and pointed out as tragic, and C) that even if you argue about the semantics of the literal order of events in the plot that add up to that result, Chuck's victory in some fashion is still the byproduct of the story's final execution.

The thing that I feel can and does get lost in a lot of fandom discussions about this concept is... D) the fact that Chuck winning is an allegory for and commentary on censorship.

I will go back to that. Follow me here.

With SPNWIN as a whole and especially the season one finale, we have already gotten step one of something incredibly subversive: it culminated very loudly in making it clearly canonical that Dean is some semblance of trapped. He is not happy, he is not at peace, he is not done. These are things that many of us in fandom who have brains all already kind of knew and took for granted, because we understand this story and this character and so we understand that 15x20 was not a good ending. But when you step back, what SPNWIN just established is actually a Big Deal in comparison to the fake veneer of happiness that 15x20 was (supposedly) trying to sell to us–and that it did indeed effectively sell to a large number of casual viewers.

Now, here we have canon openly demonstrating that Dean's ending was not okay, in general or to him. Objectively that wasn’t necessarily the case previously with 15x20 alone, but now it is the case.

That is a how-the-turntables level of redefinition of 15x20 in canon. Those crazy bastards fucking did it. They gave Dean Winchester back his agency and had him tell us for 13 episodes that the finale was inarguably Bad, and then they showed his sad grieving self still pining for his happy ending and his angel. That's fucking wild!!! Oh my God!!!

Whew. Okay, anyway:

So SPNWIN has made it clear that The Finale Was Bad, that Dean still needs and wants his happy ending, and that he knows what that happy ending should look like–as demonstrated in this whole hall of mirrors show, through the healing/romance/hope/future we witness the cast of The Winchesters getting to have.

If they stick with that vibe moving forward (which they may not. Continuity could get tossed), to me it then wouldn't make sense if they tried to move forward with any kind of sequel plot or angle that tries to say "okay, now Dean really will Find Peace And Be Done In Heaven." Because they seem to have made it clear that Dean doesn't want that. He wants out! He is fucking around and finding out!

To me, the next logical question to tackle in the plot as part of getting Dean back in the game would be this:

Why did those bad things happen to Dean in the finale?

Look, they don't have to answer that question with a plot-driven reason, obviously. They can go with the (boring) angle of nihilism that's basically like "Yeah Dean died and it sucked, but shit happens and that’s part of free will. It was an unlucky situation :/ he should get another chance at life though!" Or they can absolutely do something totally wacky and out of left field to explain lmfao. (I mean, hell, the Akrida were out of left field and that was only lessened when they tied them back to Chuck.)

Orrrrr.

They could go with a plot that's SOMETHING along the lines of explaining how Dean’s death and the fracturing of their family feels like an injustice to him because it is, and that shit did not just Happen, and that it wasn’t just arbitrary bad luck but rather he didn’t get his happy ending because Something Else was going on pulling the strings at least a little bit.

In that sense, Chuck- / Jack-related fuckery feels like the next natural through-line to me. I'm aware I'm heavily biased, but I want them to go all in on that angle so badly, and the point of this post (yes, there is a point!) is that I want to tell you why I want that.

The strength in the potential of an explicit Chuck won storyline in a continuation–other than the fact that it would be damn good television–is that, if done correctly, it would explain why the ending of season 15 sucked in the first place. And it would explain it not only in-narrative but also out-of-narrative.

Chuck exists to act as allegory, and that's what has always made this concept so significant, subversive, and compelling. Chuck's function and purpose is to be an allegory for producers and/or network executives, and thus the function and purpose behind a Chuck won storyline is to reveal the controlling forces of those figures. And because Chuck is the personification of the Original Creator's intentions that the characters are trying to supersede and defy, the fact that at the end of season 15 they do not get to grow beyond those intentions–aka the fact that Chuck wins and they don't get their full freedom–is indicative of the fact that the characters were not "free" or allowed to defy the Original Creator's real-world intentions either.

The idea that Chuck won is not simply a fun view on why the finale sucks or a fun plot idea for the future. It's because Supernatural is a censored queer text and higher forces won largely because Destiel was not allowed to be explicitly reciprocal. A pillar of the argument is that there could be no happy ending without Destiel; reciprocal Destiel was not allowed, and so the characters had to lose.

That is still the state of canon right now. Chuck's victory is amongst the many threads season 15 left dangling to potentially pick up and play with moving forward, and they don't HAVE to pick that thread up and make it into a central plot for a continuation. But if they do... Man. If they do, it would open the ending of season 15 to further examination for anyone who cares enough to pay attention to it, and that would also open up commentary on the censorship that caused it in the first place.

Here's what I mean:

SPNWIN has left us in a place consistent with 15x19, seemingly further highlighting that something is wrong with Jack. That's huge. Whether that "something" is Chuck possessing him or–potentially more likely–that the God power Jack absorbed has corrupted him, the point is that Jack needs to be freed because Chuck's influence endures.

Making the Akrida into a Chuck fail safe has already leaned into that idea, in a way. Even if Chuck is "gone," his influence wasn't gone entirely. The characters were not fully and entirely free from Chuck's lasting effects on the universe that they inhabit.

But now with the destruction of the Akrida, those effects are supposedly gone. But what if they actually aren't gone completely? What if something is wrong with Jack? What could that mean for Dean's story specifically and the happy ending he still wants and needs?

Apply that to the allegory: if Chuck's power has possessed or corrupted Jack, then Chuck's enduring influence that the characters still have to wrestle with becomes about the enduring influence of industry censorship.

It's then about the insidiousness of the forces that make it difficult for writers to let their stories and characters grow out of what was originally meant for them, especially when those stories are not meant to be queer narratives and yet are molded to have queerness centralized. It's about saying... you (the writers + characters) thought you'd be able to get free but you couldn't; you thought you could write the happy ending but you still haven't gotten to. How have higher forces twisted and shaped things into something unrecognizable? How do you make it back from that and rid the story of that negative influence once and for all?

Hypothetically, examining what Chuck's enduring influence fucked up in the story would then have to examine what censorship fucked up in real life. If they have to break out and return to reality, what does that look like? What is revealed? Dean and Cas could not reunite because their love was real and threatened Chuck's enforced unreality. Dean died and Sam got an apple pie life because that was always part of the ending Chuck wanted to see. Jack was taken over and/or corrupted by God power as part of Chuck's plan because he was powerful enough to help unite them all as a family, which threatened the classic "brothers only" focus of Chuck's story. Chuck's power was still personified in Jack and influencing the outcomes and that's why all of this tragedy occurred. They have to reunite, break the cycle, heal their family, and save Jack while getting rid of that personified God power once and for all, releasing it back into their universe so that power is now in everyone/everything rather than concentrated in overseeing forces threatening their freedom.

And when Chuck is an allegory for the censoring forces in real life... for anyone who cares to engage their brain cells, this could then make it abundantly clear(er) that the end of season 15 was not simply ~bad writing~ or ~cowardice~. It would retroactively redeem, explain, and redefine Supernatural's original "ending" as a backed-into-a-corner narrative gamble embedded with the ability to shine light on the source of its problems, the hope that in the future the story could be continued, and the keys to give the characters justice especially in regards to the queer narrative.

You can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't think that would absolutely rock, but then I will have to simply agree to disagree with you.

Because I would very much like to fucking see it.

It is literally ALL RIGHT THERE. It's THERE, it's so close, and this story could reach its highest potential and make several lasting, impressive points in the cultural realm for anyone who gets their heads out of their ass and stops ridiculing it or stops layering their interest in it under 1000 levels of irony long enough to look at how special it is!!!

[shakes the table with my hands]

AAAAAAAA

Okay, sorry, I'm devolving. But in conclusion: I want this. And though the prequel seems to be hinting towards it (QUITE LOUDLY), there is of course absolutely zero guarantee that any mysterious future sequel would go in that direction for several reasons, let alone the fact that it's objectively a ballsy as hell approach to take.

I still want to write a very long meta about The Winchesters' overall themes and its Chuck won propaganda (lol), so uhhh I reserve the right to plagiarize myself in the future from this post for that purpose. But I had to get this specific thought out sooner rather than later because, to be honest, I am simply going bananas.

JENSEN ACKLES, GIVE ME ONE PHONE CALL WITH YOU LOCKED UNDER AN NDA. PLEASE. PERCEIVE THE VISION.

[hargrove-mayfields]

For ST Rarepair Roulette 💕 @st-rarepair-roulette

Word Count: ~5,000

Ships: Billy Hargrove x Chrissy Cunningham and Heather Holloway x Jason Carver.

Warnings: Implied/referenced child abuse, lots of arguing and misunderstandings, very mild references to sexual content.

~~~~~~

“No. Nope. I don’t believe that for one second.”

Gossip. That’s all it is. Heather and Chrissy laying on the former’s bed, legs up against the wall, long hair dangling over the opposite edge of the bed, exchanging silly gossip.

Never the mean kind, Chrissy won’t allow that, it’s mostly their respective crushes and fascinations from school they talk about.

Or specifically, lately how much Heather doesn’t like Chrissy’s taste in boys. Or anybody, for that matter. In her heart of hearts, she knows Heather is just protective.

Still, Chrissy tosses a little stuffed fuzzball of an animal at her friend for that comment, “Hetty! Rude!”

“Look I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that Hargrove has like, actual feelings. I don’t trust him.” Heather elaborates, through her laughter.

See, she’d say the same every time, they both know that. What matters is whether Chrissy is bold enough to go through with it. She never has been so far. It’s one thing to have a crush, but to have someone openly pining back, that’s something more rare.

An opportunity Chrissy wouldn’t like to lose just to please her best friend.

She’ll try to win her over, “One date won’t be bad.”

But Heather will make excuse after excuse, “Every girl says that before the worst night of her life.”

Chrissy rolls onto her front, sighing so heavily the weight of Heather’s mattress lifts up, like she’s turned to the most stressed little helium balloon and floated away. Maybe she did, off into her imagination, taking her common sense with her.

Maybe she’ll entertain Heather’s concerns, but only if they’re productive, “Well how did you know Jason was being genuine?”

Heather's boyfriend. Track and basketball star, high class social asshole. Chrissys has never been a fan, to be entirely honest. Her earliest memories of Jason Carver were of him shoving over smaller kids in their church group and treating every recess game as pro-level sports. She still doesn’t see what Heather finds so charming about him.

She hopes maybe he’d changed, assumes he’d have had to to win over a critical heart like the one guarded in Heather’s chest.

Oh but Heather gives no such benefit of the doubt to anybody else, “I /don’t/ know it. But /my/ boyfriend doesn’t run over innocent children in his free time.. or whatever the hell it is Billy Hargrove gets up to.”

Chrissy has to laugh at that, it's so absurd, “Oh- He does not! Billy’s /nice./”

“Prove it.” Heather challenges, popping a gum bubble between her teeth to assert her seriousness.

“Hetty.” Chrissy warns, uninterested in playing that game.

Her friend isn’t having it. Heather rolls her brown eyes with so much force she literally rolls over on the bed, sprawling out over top of Chrissy like a beloved golden retriever with no respect for sharing space. It’s always been comfortable with her, coexisting without regard to self consciousness and mothers opinions and Godly image. Probably why she lets Heather get away with being a little catty sometimes.

Like now, as she claims, “Oh come on. Make it a game, have some fun, but show me he’s genuine. Or else I’m kicking his ass.”

“Fine.” Chrissy wants to be stern, but she cracks a little smile, her real, bright one, “If I'm supposed to threaten to kick Jason’s butt, I don’t think I’d be able to.”

Heather hums in thought before presenting a solution, “I’ll do the ‘defending of our honor’ if you help me test Jay back.”

“Pinky promise you’ll be nicer to Billy once we get proof?”

“That’s /if/ we get proof, but you have my word.”

The deal is sealed. They lock pinky fingers, one soft pink nailed and one a flaming red shade. In the ten years they’d been friends since Heather joined their class in 1st grade, not a single pinky promise between them has been broken. It just isn’t done.

Admittedly, that’s a lot of pressure. Talking about cute boys doesn’t feel as fun anymore.

Chrissy’s fluttery feelings start to set in, fidgeting with her hands to hope to drive them off. If she had her bracelets on, she’d shake them and enjoy the way they ring from the hard plastics and metals banging together, but it’s late, she’s in her pjs without jewelry. She picks her nails instead.

Redirecting, Heather hands her a stuffed Winnie the Pooh, and asks a question she knows will catch her off guard, “Soooo. What are you gonna do?”

“Hetty, I haven’t had time to think!” Chrissy complains, squishing poor Pooh between her hands, choosing to abuse the stuffed toy with her anxiety instead of her own skin.

“Oh come on. What do boys care about? Cars, sex, and sports. Pick one and he’ll show his true colors.” Heather says it likes it’s all just so easy, and she already knows it all.

Chrissy isn’t as sure. She considers her options,

“Um, sports sounds the least dangerous.. maybe?”

“Until he tackles your little ass.” Heather points out.

There’s a moment where they both sort of stop moving. They both know what Heather is about to do, but Chrissy's defenses are useless to stop it. She scrunches her body up as tiny as can be, but Heather has pounced, poking her sides gently where she knows her friend is ticklish.

Chrissy used to get all self conscious when Heather would do things like that. Not just touching her skin, so close to where she feels her strongest insecurities, but even jokes, little digs that had nothing to do with Chrissy’s appearance would get her down.

They have Billy to thank for the change. Dating or not, William Hargrove isn’t one to hide his affections. Everyone knows he’s had a thing for Chrissy for a while. It’s deciphering whether he’s chasing tail, or chasing the sweet girl he’d shown enough interest in to replenish her view of herself, hung around and flirted and laughed with so freely it healed a part of her broken heart.

She thinks maybe repaying him a little would increase the chances of getting the ball rolling, and getting Heather’s trust. “What if I cheer special for him during one of his games?”

“Uh, no!” Heather shakes her head, rolled curls bouncing in their pillow curlers back and forth, ”That just makes /you/ public about it. And he can spin that if he’s being an ass for real.”

“But I don’t think-“ Chrissy starts to argue, brow knotted.

Heather holds one of her hands, showing she is doing this because she cares, even if she’s being a little harsh, “Honey, I know I’m a cynical bitch, but I don’t want to see you hurt. Save yourself the embarrassment.”

“I don’t- Heather, it’s not embarrassing to be in love!”

A gasp, slow realization dawning. “You’re right. Oh my god, Chrissy you’re so right!!”

Heather kicks her legs with glee, fuzzy slippers going flying. Right out of a movie, she squeals with delight, infecting Chrissy too with her sudden joy.

Chrissy giggles, going along with it, “I am?”

“Uh, yes! It’s perfect!” Heather scoots closer until they’re shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the ceiling together. She talks with her hands, like she’s painting the picture for her. “Don’t /cheer/ his name. /Wear/ it.”

Only, Chrissy doesn’t think she gets it, “...How?”

“His varsity jacket! If a boy gives you his varsity jacket, it’s serious business. They protect those damn things like a firstborn daughter. If you can get Billy to give you his jacket, you might as well be hitched!” Heather explains, a ball of enthusiasm.

Chrissy knows her longing heart starts racing, probably obvious to Heather too this close together, “You actually think that would work?”

Heather flips up so she’s sitting, burning some of her energy in her dramatic motions, “Duh! You show up to a game repping his varsity, baby, that deal is sealed. I’m talking a proposal at the end-zone. A wedding between quarters. I’m talkin’ baby-making under the bleachers-“

Chrissy, face as hot pink as her pj tank top, interrupts all that, “Okay! Okay. That’s… I get it.”

“Do I make you blush, fair lady?” Heather drawls, in an impression of a boy, eyebrow arched, chest puffed out, lips curled, her voiced dropped ridiculously deep-

Chrissy covers her face, trying desperately not to laugh at the ridiculous attempt, “Heatherrr!!”

Heather clutches her chest like she’s wounded, taking on a sort of accent almost from how badly she’s doing her impression, “Ah! My apologies, maiden. How ungentlemanly of me.”

“Nobody talks like that! /Billy/ doesn’t talk like that!!” Chrissy argues, though she giggles at the unseriousness of it all. So it took a while, but Heather always does know how to make her feel better.

They drop the boy talk for a while, choosing to sneak downstairs and grab some snacks at two in the morning once Heather’s parents were definitely asleep, coming back up with a strange homemade trail mix. Dark chocolate chips, raisins, pretzels, almonds and strawberries. Certainly nothing outside of Chrissy’s comfort zone, careful not to push the limits of her recovery, though it’ll probably give them both a stomachache in a few hours regardless.

Leaned against some bean bag chairs right under the open window, enjoying the birdsong and cricket chirps, they share their homemade creation, and better, more smiles and lighthearted stories. Like they used to, before highschool drama and all.

Nearing 4, Heather turns to her, uncharacteristically dead serious, and declares, “I hope he makes you this happy.”

The realness inspires Chrissy to do the prying now, switching roles, hoping her friend will open up to her in kind, “Does Jason make you happy?”

“/Jason/ does. Our parents practically arranging for us to be married from the time we were newborns, hm not so much.” Heather sighs, drawing her knees in. She doesn’t quite shut down, it’s more for comfort, self assurance, which Chrissy understands. She gives her space to collect her thoughts.

“He’s my guy best friend. And I love him. In more than the best friend way. It’d be stupid not to end up together. But god there’s so much pressure!”

“I think you should do the jacket thing too.” Chrissy offers carefully, “I’m doing it to prove /my/ date isn’t a one-hit creep. You can do it just to remind yourself why you love your boy. And that he loves you. ‘Cause I know he does, Heather. But I know you’re afraid he doesn’t.”

Heather has tears in her eyes and a sad smile when she looks at Chrissy, “What is with you quiet girls and secretly being psychics?”

Oh how Chrissy wished she truly were a psychic.

At the beginning, she wasn’t nervous at all. Her and Heather bullshitted all the time, it wasn’t anything serious. But they’re all four on a date, wandering downtown around the various second hand stores, a typical stop for one couple, and the complete opposite for the others.

Seemed as good a time as any to go through with their silly plan, it wasn’t like it would hurt anything. Except she’d tried all kinds of things to get Billy to give her his jacket, and so far, none of them worked even a little! Not browsing through a selection of jackets at the stores, not shivering dramatically, not clinging to his side either.

Chrissy felt a chip in her little heart every time, feeling like maybe Heather was right. All over a jacket. She’d have her heart broken for a little bit of wool and leather.

With her boyfriend's name on it. Her boyfriend who actually holds her hand, and tells her she’s pretty, and doesn’t creep his hands under his skirt constantly.

She doesn’t know if she could get over losing that.

Her gait down the strip is admittedly less spirited, lingering behind Heather and Jay, but Billy never leaves her behind. He engages her in conversation too, hair blowing all over the place around his face, “How the fuck do you go outside in this shit?”

Chrissy looks at him, wearing an amused little smile, “Like, ever?”

“Yeah /ever/, Princess.” Billy sarcastically, but lightheartedly bumps her shoulder lightly with his arm, “Jesus, I should take you to California. Gonna miss winters without tiny fucking knives falling from the sky.”

Heather doesn’t lose track of that comment for a minute. Excited for Chrissy, she tries to plant the seed for their plan,

“What’s the matter, Billy? You too cold?”

“Hell no. But I’m not a chick the size of a baby deer.” Billy remarks, taking the bait perfectly well, rubbing Chrissy’s arms and feeling how cold she is, “Shit, you’re fucking frozen, Chris. Here.”

And without even thinking he peels off his varsity jacket and starts to hand it over.

Used to the cold, and despite her excitement wanting to make sure Billy doesn’t get uncomfortable, Chrissy protests, “No, no, no. Keep it. I can’t let your California sunshine freeze over.”

Billy disregards that, slinging it over her shoulders anyways, “Yeah, well I’m not letting all the fuckin’ little pixies that fly around your head freeze to death either.”

Jason scoffs at him, turning around to walk backwards with the group, teasing, “Dude, what does that even mean?”

Without even looking Heather flicks his ear, getting his attention back, “Just because you don’t understand romance doesn’t mean nobody can.”

He looks at her like a kicked puppy, but Jason is nothing if not stubborn, “Pixies? Sunshine? What happened to- beautiful and charming and butterflies in the stomach?”

“I don’t know, Jason. Maybe you should fall in love again and find out.”

“Who would I fall in love with? Nobody can beat you, Holloway.”

Heather rolls her eyes, flicking her hair like an agitated horse would it’s tail, “Ah, see you almost got a couple points there. Almost. You’re in the negatives though for using my last name.”

He tries to recover it suavely, “I could call you Carver instead?”

But that isn’t Heather's way. She counters intensely, “No. I’m not being a child bride, thank you very much. Besides, who says I’m taking your name? Maybe I could call you Holloway.”

“The.. I- Okay.” Jason just sputters, turning pink up to his ears.

Behind them, still lingering a good ways back, Chrissy hums, warm and cozy in her boyfriend’s jacket, “What are they even arguing about?”

Billy laughs about that, shrugs his shoulders, “Hell if I know. They lost me a long time ago.”

“It’s funny. Heather didn’t think you were good for me, but she fights with Jason all the time.” Chrissy informs him.

Billy stops dead in his tracks. Gently uses his hold on Chrissy's hand to spin her around to face him as he fell behind,

“Hold on. Take a step back. Heather thinks /what/ about me?”

Chrissy’s nerves spike so quickly she gets a little dizzy, “Please don't take it personally. I want my two favorite people to like each other. Please.”

Her beau steadies her, instead of freaking out, “No problem. I just find it.. fuckin’ weird.”

“It’s because of the way you drive. And smoke. And act. She thinks it’s bad for me.” Chrissy blurts, knowing it’s unkind but needing him to believe that she had no part in it.

He doesn’t seem too phased by having Heather’s disapproval, apparently learning faster than most people do, “Big fucking deal. At least you know I love you, right?”

“Mhm.” Chrissy nods her assurance, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Billy’s cheek and seal the promise.

“Right. Tell her she’s the one making Jason cry his damn eyes out the second he gets tipsy on a sip of anything stronger than a fuckin’ soda pop. I’m tellin’ you, Holloway has ripped out his heart and shoved it up his own pansy ass.” Billy sounds bitter, but not overly mean.

It’s something he’s thought about before. Good to know the gossip street goes both ways.

It’s why Chrissy doesn’t feel too bad telling Billy now, “She doesn’t mean to. I think she’s scared.”

“Sacred of Carver?…. He hurt her?” His voice drops, as angry and mean as Heather warned her about.

They don’t talk much about serious things, serious isn’t their kind of fun, but Chrissy knows about Billy’s life at home. About the type of man Billy could’ve been destined to be.

She rushes to make sure he doesn’t turn on his own friend for thinking Jason was the same way, “Oh no! No, not at all. Never. It’s her mom and her daddy. They sort of forced her to date Jason. She wasn’t ready. I think she’s ready now and doesn’t want to admit it. ‘Cause that would be like taking their orders.”

“Fuckin’ parents.” Billy eventually grumbles, not knowing what else to say.

It seems to be a common theme in their group. A bonding experience for all four of them, whether or not they’re open about it.

Chrissy doesn’t really feel like talking about that stuff anymore, sort of just mumbling, “Yeah.”

Because Billy is perfect, and none of the things Heather says at all, and the actual bullies in their lives makes her want to just hide. Billy notices the drop in her mood, and silently slings an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side as they walk. Keeping her close. Safe.

Maybe someday things will work out beyond Hawkins. They have to. Winning the jacket was a silly, small victory, but it was a step.

Now Chrissy just wants, more than anything, her friends to be happy.

She holds onto Billy’s hand a little tighter.

The next time Heather and Jason get together, it’s for a study date at the end of that week. With Heather being a year above, the only class they have in common is the Biology two class Heather failed last year. There’s coloring sheets of bones and cells to be completed, so it’s not like they need each other’s help, but sitting on Heather’s bed coloring with colored pencils didn’t seem like a bad deal either way.

At some point, surrounded by all the color, Heather realizes something,

“Honey. We’re going shopping this weekend.”

Jason barely looks up from his work, focused on being neat close to the lines, “For?”

“Clothes. You’ve worn three white polos this week. I’m bringing some color into your life.” Heather pokes him with the flat end of the white pencil for emphasis.

Jason blinks, caught off his guard, “I wear green sometimes.”

“School colors don’t count. Yellow either.”

“I think I have, maybe, /one/ blue shirt.”

Heather digs in the pile for a turquoise-ish pencil, “Blue! Blue’s.. good! That’s definitely on God’s rainbow. Maybe a nice pair of blue jeans too, for once-“

That’s where Jason cuts it off. Because that’s where Heather went from playfully sharp to flat-out insulting, “Heather, please.”

She stays on the defensive, “I’m just saying. There’s nothing wrong with branching out from your choir boy uniform. That’s all.”

Sometimes it’s like she thinks if she pokes a bruise enough, it’ll make her seem like she’s strong enough to cause them. Like she’s all in charge and nothing can stop her.

Jason doesn’t want to stop her, he just wants her basic respect, “So what do you suggest?”

Not even sarcastic, just genuinely enthusiastic to share, Heather starts, “Pastels! Your hair is way too strawberry to be a dark dresser. Unless you go with emeralds, no more tacky green. Ooh, or even if you grow it out some! You know, actually-“

Jason runs his fingers over his neatly parted hair, protecting it, not hiding the concerned squeak to his voice, “No thank you, I happen to like my hair short.”

“Again, baby. Boring.” Heather just rolls her eyes, once again. Sometimes it’s like that’s all she knows how to do.

It stings.

“Look, if nothing I do is ever going to be good enough-“

Heather doesn't entertain that in the least. She slaps her hand over his homework page, making him look at her, “It’s not /you/. You know that it’s not you.”

No, he didn’t know that. Jason looks at her, confused, “What?”

“Just because you dress yourself, and you drive your stupid little station wagon around parading your image, doesn’t mean there’s not that voice in the back of your head. Maybe… maybe a tight fist too. Telling you what to do. You’re afraid.” Heather talks with her hands, just enough that Jason can see through it.

That she’s being showy to hide something.

Doesn’t mean he’s not been rendered self conscious and bare-souled all the same. He doesn’t like that, even after months with Heather not feeling safe showing her all his tender parts like that, “I don’t want to hear this from you.”

“Oh, so a girl can’t have opinions, huh? I should just spread my legs now and let something else do all the talking?” Heather heats the argument.

Jason just lets his head fall back, frustrated, “I don’t- You /know/ I don’t want that.”

“Oh please do enlighten me then, your graciousness.” Heather forces what Jason is thinking out of him.

So he lets it go, without regard to her feelings, even though he hadn’t wanted to, “Look, I’m not stupid. I know your parents are a problem, Heather. Everyone that’s read the paper knows Tom Holloway isn’t a kind man. You try to hide it, but you can’t keep it from me. And you can’t- just take it all out on me!”

“I wasn’t-“ Heather tries to backpedal.

He still doesn’t let her, “You were! You always have! Nobody has the key to the lock on your heart, but I’ve been trying anyways. And you just shut. me. down!”

“Jason…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we didn’t meet for real until high school. I’m sorry I can’t save you because I’ve got my own.. shit to deal with. But, and forgive me for using His name in vain, Jesus fucking Christ Heather!”

“Jason..” Heather repeats, clearly more misty eyed than before, and opens her arms. A hug is letting him in physically, letting him get close even when the words aren’t easy.

Mostly, she hadn’t realized Jason could read her as easily as she could read him.

He takes the vulnerability to mean it’s safe to say, “I love you.”

“I know.” Is Heather’s response. It’s not easy to say it back, not when she chokes on it every time she tries to say it to her ‘problems,’ let alone a highschool boyfriend she was never supposed to fall for, not in her own heart.

It’s enough. Jason keeps holding her, lips against her shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

Heather repeats herself, “I know.”

Nothing else felt right to say. Because she /was/ sorry too, but saying it second would feel ingenuine. At least, she’d read it that way.

She closes her eyes and feels exhausted. It’s not supposed to be this hard. Their school years are drawing to a close, and yet she can’t even admit her own parents treat her like shit.

Maybe a silent tear drop or two drips off the end of her nose behind Jason’s back. If he noticed, he didn’t say a word.

After a while, Heather needs to do something, sitting and thinking and regretting not doing anything to help, “Can we call Chrissy and Billy and go get some ice cream or something?”

“Sure. I think I owe that to you for keeping myself so.. alone.” Jason admits, bashful but genuine.

And isn’t that just the thing. Heather gives him a tiny smile back, “Ditto, baby.”

Ice cream ran into the evening, all of them itching for an excuse to stay out. Chrissy was the last to finish her bowl of two raspberry scoops with sprinkles, half of it melted into sludge by the last spoonful, and even that’s not a distraction enough.

It’s early spring, which means, as the group informed Billy, that the Hawkins drive-in theater was opening back up. Nobody even needed to discuss it to know that’s what they wanted to do. There were a variety of chick-flicks and even more horror sequels in the box office, which meant the two week delay at the drive-in would make for some good choices at least. Most Hawkins residents would take their trucks out there, not some prissy little station wagon, but it would do.

At least, it should, but Billy started getting impatient with cruising along under the speed limit out to the wooded hill where the drive-in is, “Can’t this piece of shit go faster?”

Heather turned around slightly to face and scold him, “Well, we coulda brought yours if you hadn’t decided to buy the extra tiny, no room for fun model.”

Billy just snorted humorlessly, “We could fit if there was any actual fun going on. Leaving room for the Lord or whatever is what fucks it up.”

For that comment, knowing their company, Chrissy pushed Billy’s arm gently. Still, she didn’t seem to disagree too harshly, since she smiled through when he kissed her next.

Heather seemed irritated, though that tends to be her default honestly, as she huffed, “Not everyone’s a sleaze like you, Hargrove. Get used to it.”

Billy hadn’t even justified it with a response, just waved her off and used the same arm to swing it over the seat behind Chrissy. She was wearing his jacket again, hadn’t taken it off all week, curled into his side and wearing his name. In that bubbly way she does, she was also wiggling her hands about, not nervous, but happy.

Content.

Heather and Jason still had a ways to go to reach contentment.

The pair stay in the car for the movie, their counterparts in a blanket on the grass instead. Cali boy is out there freezing his ass off, but he’d said anything would be better than being trapped with relationship drama.

Heather and Jason try to ignore him.

They fail.

Jason turns to her not even a full twenty minutes after that comment starts working it’s way under his skin, “Heather?”

“Hm?” She hums to show she’s listening, but doesn’t look his way.

That’s not enough for what needs to be said, so he repeats, “Heather.”

“Yeah, that’s me. You need something?”

“I wanted- I just…. I’m sorry.”

Her pretty features screw up in confusion, “For what?”

“For not being good enough.” Jason informs, like it was the most clear thing, “You’d be happier with a guy like Billy. Maybe you could call up Steve-“

“No, fuck you if you think I could ever leave you.” She spits.

And then she grabs Jason by the collar of his polo and kisses him.

It’s nothing chaste, nothing at all like their usual peck of the lips. This is roaming tongues and hands.

Heather reigns herself in when she feels Jason’s hands, holding her hips up under the back of her shirt, shaking.

“I’m not gonna make you do anything. Sex isn’t my endgame.”

He sort of freezes, like it hadn’t occurred to him that Heather wouldn’t mind helping him in his devotion to modesty, “So what is?”

“An apartment. Maybe get a cat. I want to share a space with you long before we do marriage shit.” Heather explains lightly, smile on her face.

Jason relaxes his shoulders, “Make it a dog and we’ll see. Dogs are better.”

“Oh, ha-ha. Make it one of each and I’ll forgive you for that comment.”

Heather kisses him again, without any heat or intensity this time, just gentle, soft affection. She even lets him touch her hair, despite usually slapping his hands away for that. It helps that she’d brushed it out to be restyled before bed tonight, but still, she would have let him even if her curls were laying perfect.

When they pull away, Heather lays her head on Jason’s shoulder. Instead of watching Cat’s Eye on the screen, her gaze falls to their friends huddled up outside, and she muses, “How much you wanna bet Chrissy and Billy run away into the sunset?”

“I hope they do. Hawkins is Hell on earth.” Jason asserts, clearly serious because he usually wouldn’t even mention a place like that.

Heather sighs slightly, “Literally. The kidnappings, the murders. I can’t take much more of it.”

Confident, Jason says, “I’m sure they’d make room for us then. If we wanted to go with them.”

That has Heather sitting up straighter, surprised, “You would live in California?”

Sunny skies, living free- it didn’t seem very much his pace. The order and the mundanity of Midwestern life seemed better for Jason.

He just shrugs for now, “Who knows? We’ll see when we get there.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Heather wonders aloud, as she knows it, finding that Jason prefers to have his entire life planned out.

He only sounds a little tense as he tries to sound brave and strong, “Getting there.”

The tension between them had to have been coming from there. She wanted nothing more than to rebel and escape, while he, even when he was feeling crushed by the weight of parental disapproval, was nothing short of desperate to be back in their graces.

If Heather could be more open to discussion when that made her uncomfortable, and Jason less complicit to begin with, the pair would probably be on the right path again.

She lays her head on him again, and this time, Jason takes his arm out of one sleeve of his varsity jacket, slinging it around her like a blanket. Her heart absolutely soars. The promise to Chrissy was fulfilled, she and her honey were working out just fine now, after she’d gotten Billy’s jacket.

That’s gotta be a sign that things will work out for Heather too.

“Hey, Jason?”

“Hm?”

She feels compelled to finally confess, “I love you.”

It’s Jason this time who, after a soft little kiss to her forehead, says, “I know.”

[distortedmoondisc]

hiiai for the ask game thing 🥺👉👈

Hi!! Thank you so much for asking for my otp vi 🥹💖💖💖

So! I hope I don't get too rambly with it ahdhfj

1. What made you ship it?: oh boy, the first and second chapters of the !! Main Story made me become so obsessed with them it wasn't even normal. I went into ensemble stars without any idea or notion about the franchise or the writing beforehand and I was absolutely confused with the way the characters talked to each other (the enstars writing is definitely an acquired taste imo lmao). So you must imagine how insane I felt when I, who wasn't used to male characters having such blatant, shameless and obviously deliberately flirty/romantic/shippy intended dialogue with each other such as.... This:

This was!!!! On their first meeting!!! They have known each other for less than 5 minutes and Aira has already fondled Hiiro's bicep!!!! Are these two normal??? (If you've been into enstars long enough you'll know that the answer is !!! No !!!)

And what's funnier is that after Aira does the (rub, rub), the next dialogue is literally this:

so like.... Akira (writer of all of the !! Main story) here had to force a switch on the conversation so these two could focus again on the topic they were discussing before (about whether or not they're underachievers and about Ensemble Square) from that fondling muscles scene. This means Akira didn't have any need to write that scene between these two, it wasn't necessary for the plot. The madlad just added that scene in there out of nowhere. Just for the funsies. For a silly little laugh. Because there's nothing more fun than making your OCs flirt with each other this shamelessly in your own story. He really gets the assignment.

Listing a few honorable mentions for hiiai interactions from the first and second episodes of the !! MS that made me imprint on them so hard that they became my biggest otp since july of last year and has taken hold of my heart ever since 🫶

Hiiro fawning over Aira's beautiful name 🥺🥺🥺

Hiiro here was really like yeah you're my soulmate, my soulmate bestie (no but seriously do you ever think about how hiiro became so attached to aira so quickly and wanted to become his friend so bad, and how he also saw their meeting as fate....)

He is so dramatic, he didn't even get directly rejected here

This is a personal favorite. I can't stress how mentally ill I was when I read Hiiro saying "I'll do my best to destroy the future where you'll feel sad" DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF???? this should be added to the "is this Russian literature or enstars" online quiz

If you are observant enough you'll see that Hiiro is the one shamelessly flirting all the time AHDJF but Aira himself (mostly in later chapters) also says some questionable stuff about Hiiro in some parts that makes you go... Huh (Aira saying to Hiiro "Aira-kun's route is no longer available for you!" Aira why are you equating yourself and Hiiro as the protagonist and romantic interest of a dating sim game? Do you have anything to share with the class?)

But yeah... them (vaguely gestures with hand). They give a very strong first impression to say the least, so it's not hard to imagine how I came to ship them as quickly and as strongly as I did ahdjf

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?: God, there's so many things I like about hiiai I don't think I can ever list them or rank them, but I'll try ahdjf

For starters, I just really like their dynamic (very basic answer, I know). A thing I really love about their dynamic is how Hiiro is so openly affectionate with Aira, and I think it's cute how Aira is so tsun about his care and affection for hiro-kun, but he just can't leave him alone and thinks of him so often (he mentions him all the time in the game's home lines wwww).

Another thing I love is the way their relationship develops throughout the !! main story. How Aira stuck to him and to Alkaloid due to obligation (in order to survive as an idol in ES) but actually became attached to Hiiro and formed the unique dynamic with him where Aira feels like he can't leave Hiiro alone to prevent him from getting into trouble (and while there is truth to that, there's also the fact that just genuinely Aira loves Hiiro because the first friend he's had in a long time, and a very loyal and loving one at that). In Hiiro's case, he also got attached to Aira very quickly since he was also his very first friend on the city 🥺

In general, I love that hiiai are each other's first friends in ES when they were completely alone, and that by finding each other they found the solution to their chronic loneliness (because Aira and Hiiro both suffer a lot from severe loneliness ever since their childhoods. Aira has never been able to keep lasting friendships and Hiiro's only company in his hometown was Rinne. So them finding each other and hitting it off so quickly and easily means a lot for the both of them, and they both try their best to make the friendship work because they want to keep it and make it last, yk?)

Another facet of hiiai that I like... how Aira always teaches Hiiro new things and helps him understand the world around him. I like to think about how Aira is, literally and metaphorically, the reason Hiiro loves the city, and how that is what leads him to stay there instead of going back to his hometown with his brother (and I just sit here and wonder if the rinniki parallels were intentional from Akira's part?)

I mean literally because Aira is the one who taught Hiiro what idols are, and that was what made Hiiro realize that yes, this is something he likes and a thing he wants to do with his life. And metaphorically, because I believe that for Hiiro, Aira is a representation of the city. Aira is a city boy, he has an upbringing and worldview completely different from his. Aira grew up in a world that is completely unknown and new to Hiiro, a world in which Hiiro didn't plan on staying for long in the first place, a world that Hiiro didn't plan on getting attached to, but that he still came to like at the end — so Hiiro, by loving and accepting Aira, is metaphorically loving and embracing the city and coming to understand it*. And we know that Hiiro deciding to stay in the city and becoming an idol for real is one of the most important parts of his arc of independence and self discovery, so this gives Hiiro's relationship with Aira another layer of depth that makes their bond more important and essential for each of their characters and arcs.

*I almost forgot to clarify why I think that Hiiro coming to like the city is such a big deal (and note, this is a personal interpretation). Basically, because Hiiro was so dead set on bringing his brother back to their hometown so he could become the monarch, he was still close minded about the outside world and stuck with the old arbitrary rules taught by his hometown. But just as Rinne predicted and hoped, Hiiro ended up being marveled by the city and all the things it offers and so many things he's never seen before (and you can extrapolate that marvel he feels for the city as the marvel and interest he feels for Aira when they first meet). So just as Rinne left his hometown in favor of the city—which was a thing Hiiro didn't understand before because he didn't know what even made the city so good in the first place to make his brother want to leave—Hiiro ended up liking the city as well and choosing to stay there instead of going back home, therefore chosing his own path like Rinne.

But then again, this is just my personal interpretation of the text ahdjf

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?: I probably do, but I can't really think of one at the moment ahdjfj I guess one unpopular opinion is that I think that Aira isn't as stereotypically tsundere as people tend to depict him as in fanworks.

Don't get me wrong, Aira def is very tsun (and he is deliberately written as a stereotypical tsundere sometimes for the comedy bits and/or to make his feelings about others obvious. It might seem paradoxical, but the more tsun the acts—the biggest reaction he gets out of one of Hiiro's actions, for example—the more obvious his true feelings come across), but I also think it is often overlooked his character development in the !! MS where he grows to become more honest about his feelings and doesn't reject Hiiro's displays of affection as much and is even openly happy about them (like when he was happy that Hiiro held his hand and said it made him feel reassured). But this characterization isn't the most consistent throughout stories (and that is a thing that bothers me a little but talking about enstars' lore inconsistency is a story for another day ahdjf), so this is something very personal 😅

And that's all... thank goodness it was only 3 questions AHDJF I was hoping I'd write a short post, but it seems I *did* end up rambling about hiiai after all 😔🤙 what bring prompted to talk about the otp does to a person.

[enchantinglyjade]

✩ I Can Dream About You ✩ Part 1

Sebastian Kydd x OC

Masterlist | Next

Warning: Swearing Note: Y'all I'm so excited to start working on new stories(I will not be abandoning Milk & Honey BTW). But I have so many new ideas I'm excited to share. Hope you enjoy!

-

Castlebury High School.

I hated it here.

Honestly, I wished I would have just gotten bullied, at least that way I’d have proof that someone actually saw me, but instead, I was invisible, a nobody. When people passed me in the halls, it was as if they’d look right through me. I was a ghost, haunting the halls in my first year of high school.

But then, Donna saw me.

She saw me sitting at the lunch tables eating alone like I had always done. She felt bad for me, invited me to her table, offered me a spot in her circle, promised me the world. She trained me, taught me how to do makeup, dress nice, sneak out of class without my parents ever finding out. I felt confident and beautiful. People finally started looking in my direction, but not at me, at her, not that I would have known the difference at the time anyway.

Now,

I’m invisible with a leader.

I fell for it. Fell for dirty tricks and lies. I was vulnerable and she played to my weaknesses. She thought my ghostliness would be useful to her. She had me doing all of her dirty work that the Jens were too sloppy to accomplish. She’d make me fake her mom's voice to call her in and out of school, steal blush and lipstick for her at our local beauty store, and sit on lookout while she and her newest boy toy did unspeakable things in the locker rooms. All in exchange for what? A chance to stand within a 4 foot distance from the princess?

Donna was the most popular, prettiest girl in school, and I let her manipulate me into her perfect little minion.

I tell myself at least I’m not a band geek, but every day that passes, I can only envy them. I bet they have so much more fun than me. I can’t imagine being allowed to be openly smart and talented under Donna’s shadow. Damn, I wish I was a band geek.

After 3 long years of pink lipstick, hair ratting, and wearing the most horrendous of neon colors, senior year was upon us. I’m 18 now, graduation is so close I could practically taste freedom. 9 more months and I'll finally be able to kiss this school goodbye for good.

Then he showed up.

Sebastian, the bad boy that just transferred here. He practically dripped with charisma and experience, and quickly became the knew ‘it’ guy in the school. Donna, of course, had to have him.

“Ooo, check out the new hottie.” Donna blurts out, twirling her hair and smacking her gum, watching as a few boys from the football team talk to him. “He’s perfect. You guys are gonna help me get him.”

I admit, he was gorgeous, but he wasn’t anyone special, just another asshole trying to be the cool popular kid. Guess I can’t say much, that’s basically what reeled me in, but atleast I’m aware of my own shallowness.

“How are we gonna do that?” Jen 1 asks.

“I’ll think of something, don’t worry.” She says scheming in that evil head of hers. “Come.” She waves for us to follow in her direction and the 3 of us do so like the good little pets we are. She struts over, purposely putting an extra sway in her hips as she passes Sebastian, earning her a glance from him and the entire student body present in that area. She smiles, wiggling her perfectly pink polished fingers at him, before continuing forward without a second care in the world.

I follow only a few feet behind her and the Jens. For a moment, I peek up to see if this Sebastian guy really fell for such an old trick in the book, to see if he really is the chump Donna thinks he is. When my head rises, I accidentally make direct eye contact with him. He nods as a greeting to me, causing my lids to widen. I never had anyone look at me before, I feel almost shocked that he can even see me. Self conscious, I turn away, awkwardly pacing back over to my clique.

I can’t believe he looked at me. For that long too. And after Donna! I shake my thoughts away following Donna into our next period. Maybe he’s just desperate, looking for anything with legs. If he’s looking in my direction he must be EXTREMELY desperate. What a pig.

Lucky for me, I find out I have the privilege of sharing American History with the new king and queen of the school.

Donna, of course, snatches the seat right next to Sebastian. I settle for 2 rows behind her, close enough that she can call if she needs an extra swipe of lipstick, but far away enough that I won’t be in direct line of her bullshit.

The teacher goes on and on about boring nonsense while the class quickly wallows into sleep. Donna boredly taps her pencil on her desk, eyeing the man candy next to her. She leans over while the teacher turns his back. “Love the jacket. It’s so vintage!” She whispers, gracefully gliding her hand up the sleeve of his jacket.

He chuckles. “Thanks. My dad’s.”

A week goes by of shadowing Donna as she works her magic and he still hasn’t taken a hint. Her frustration only built up everyday that he denied her advances, which only meant it’s been a week of hell for The Jens and I. For a moment, I had hope. Maybe he wasn’t a pig after all. I mean, it didn’t take most guys a week to catch on to Donna’s clues and definitely didn’t take them that long to ask on their own, unless they were insanely out of her league and intimidated, which he is clearly not. I thought, maybe he’s a guy that respects himself and has actual standards for what he wants in a girlfriend. Or better yet, maybe he wants something stable and long term. But eventually, my hopes were diminished.

On my way to third period, I walk straight into them talking in the dark art hallway in the basement. It didn’t take a genius to see how private this area would be to ‘talk’. Guess he doesn’t take long to start getting busy.

I mutter an apology to them, and while avoiding Donna’s glare, I quickly scurry away.

“I’ll catch up with you later, Donna.”

“Alright, ‘Bastian. Don’t miss me too much.”

‘Bastian’. Please, I’m gonna be sick. They already have nicknames for each other? They’ve only known each other for a week! What kind of weird, phony-

“Hey.”

My soul nearly jumps out of my body. I twist my neck to see Sebastian jogging in my direction, before stopping in front of me. “You dropped this.”

Is he…talking to me? I stay frozen, hoping to stay out of the way of whoever he was talking to, but when I notice he doesn’t move, I glance over my shoulders, desperately trying to find the person that should be answering to him.

“I’m talking to you.” He chuckles.

When I turn back towards him, I find out he is in fact talking to me. He holds his arm out, an english notebook in hand with my doodles plastered all over the cover. I shyly take it from him, stuffing it in my arms with the rest of my books, and when I thank him our eyes lock for only a second time since I’ve known him. His stare puts shivers straight down my spine. He really does have some beautiful blue eyes. But before I allow myself to see anymore of him, I spin on my toes speeding towards my class.

“Hey, wait up! Where ya headed?” He says, jogging back over to my side.

I swallow, voice dry and groggy from being inactive most days. “Art.”

He continues to walk the same direction as me. “I have art too. Funny. Never noticed you in there.”

I sigh. Just another confirmation about how much of a ghost I am. “Most don’t.” I mutter under my breath, pushing open the art room door and sitting at my seat near the back of the class. Much to my dismay, Sebastian takes the seat next to me, slamming down his bag next to my leg. I take in a deep breath, ignoring the fact that I can practically feel him looking at me, before reaching over to dig through my backpack for my sketchbook. When I place it down on the table in front of me, he speaks.

“So…You a Jen? I’ve noticed you follow Donna around most everywhere.” 

Why is he talking to me? None of Donna’s exes ever bothered to get to know the Jens, let alone me, so what does he want? Is he some sort of psychopath? Maybe he’s gonna try and manipulate everyone into thinking he’s some great guy so we won’t think he’s a suspect when Donna’s body gets discovered on the news or something…

I adjust myself in my seat, scooching over an inch away from him. “No, I’m an Alex.”

“Alex.” He repeats slowly in a way that makes heat rise to my cheeks. I guess I never really heard anyone but teachers say it. Damn, I really am a loser, aren’t I? “I can tell, you seem like you have an actual personality…and awareness.”

A small grin appears on my face from his comment, but I quickly force my cheeks back down. He’s a psychopath, remember!

He leans over the table in an attempt to peek at my face, but I snap my head away and hide myself behind my hand, completely embarrassed that he’s even acknowledging my existence in the first place. What is he doing? Why is he so weird!?

“Aw come on, don’t be like that. I saw that smile. No need to be so serious and guarded.” My smile can’t help but creep back just a little bit. I lower my hand peering curiously, but suspiciously at him over my fingertips. He leans back in his chair, lip curling when he meets my gaze for a third time. “You know, Alex, you don’t seem too bad.”

I drop my hand now, nervously fumbling with the rings in my sketchbook, while my stomach flutters with butterflies. Donna really bagged a weirdo this time. “Thanks…?”

With that, the bell rings and the teacher begins giving out instructions. While she speaks, I flip open my sketchbook and make a few last scribbles and smudges on my last drawing.

Sebastian slaps his forearms down obnoxiously loud and forceful, causing the whole table to shake. I pull my pencil away just in time before it smears down a dark and unerasable line in a place I didn’t want it and clench my teeth as I watch him inch closer to me and my paper. “So, why aren’t you taking a class with Donna? Aren’t you supposed to be bodyguarding her every move.”

I take a pause, ensuring he wasn’t going to move again, before touching the pencil back down on the paper. One of the Jens is in Math with her right now, assuming she’s not skipping. Donna wouldn’t get caught dead on this side of the school, art was my time. “Only moment of peace I get.” 

He bites his lips together in thought while he smacks his hands down onto the table, pounding out some sort of rhythm, and once again making me pause my drawing due to the shaking. I place my pencil down entirely, figuring I was going to get nowhere with him near, and sigh in frustration, succumbing to a conversation with him. “Didn’t peg you as the art type.” 

His head snaps back quick in my direction, surprised I spoke up. “Oh, I’m not. Required. Didn’t know you could draw.” He says leaning over onto my side of the table once again, eyes glossing over my still unfinished sketch. “Wow. That’s amazing.” He says in awe.

Let me guess, he can’t even draw a stick figure?

“I can’t even draw a stick figure.” He exclaims on cue.

Typical. I never got spoken to much, but one thing people could speak to me about was my artwork. But every time it’s always the same line. I roll my eyes, placing my head in my hand and boredly scratching at the wood chipping on the edge of the table. “I’m sure you can’t.” 

He scoffs out a laugh, simultaneously furrowing his brows. “What? You think I’m some jock or something?”

Not what I was going for but, “Might as well be.”

He nods slowly, humming to himself while he sits back in his chair. He doesn’t say another word to me until the bell’s ringing to dismiss us. “It was nice talking to you,” as he walks out of the classroom.

6 words. 6 simple words that left my mind jumbled all night on their meaning. Was he being genuine or sarcastic? Had I said something really wrong? Made a bad first impression? I knew I shouldn’t have said that last thing. I’m such an idiot. I don’t know why I care so much anyway, it’s not like he was ever going to talk to me again regardless of what I said. Though, even that would be proven wrong.

The next day at school, I saw him again. It was one of those glorious times Donna decided to be too cool for school. He was at one end of the hallway, I at the other. He strides down the hall like it’s a runway, looking to charm anyone that dares to glance his way. He could mesmerize anyone with that charisma of his, and he nearly gets me every time.

I grip the backpack straps on my shoulder as he comes closer and closer, unsure if I should bother looking his way to greet him. He probably forgot who I am already. It’d be embarrassing if I waved at him and he didn’t know who I was.

To my surprise, he waves first. “Hey, Alex.” He enunciates, making sure I knew he was talking to me. 

I wave back, barely having enough time to smile before he had already passed by. That one interaction was enough to leave my stomach swarming with light and bubbly feelings. My heart pounded loudly for him from that day forward and I just knew I was destined for trouble and disappointment. 

He was Donna’s, she made that very clear, and she always gets what she wants.

I needed to get rid of these feelings as quickly as I could, but life is never that easy, is it?

[ninlilwinds]

hi again!! i love your writings and tysm for doing my requests!! if it isn't too much trouble, could i request part 3 of reader getting insulted behind their back with shenhe, yanfei, rosaria and lumine x reader(all romantic) ? have a lovely day and make sure to take care!!

Character's defending Reader

Hi! Sorry for taking such a long time!!! I have had such a busy weekend and exams are next week, so I had to study lots. But here you go! Hope you like!

Plot: When the reader is being talked behind their back, it is up to these ladies to defend their beloved

Characters:(In order) Shenhe, Yanfei, Rosaria. Lumine.

Warning: Not proofread. If there are any major mistakes let me know!

Shenhe  

She knows what it is like to be hurt because of words, so she obviously does not like how they are speaking of you 

Shenhe wouldn't really openly confront them, she does so privately. Discreetly enough so that it doesn't cause a scene but does scare them.  

When this happened it also happened to be during a date! So you can imagine how mad she was by someone putting a sour taste to her mood  

A group of friends kept whispering things about you as you and Shenhe walked around the streets of Liyue. You were too busy with your snacks you had bought earlier and hadn't noticed, but Shenhe had.  

"How pathetic. She really thinks she deserves all that pity just because of what happened that day?" One of them sneered.  

Shenhe looked at them with a death glare on her face. Her head was tilted up slightly and she was looking down on them. How disgraceful, talking to someone behind their backs.  

The group turned to where you were and saw Shenhe's look. They quickly shut up, returning the glare that Shenhe was giving them.  

Shenhe's hand began it form small snowflakes around her and she tried to tell herself to calm down as to not cause a scene. You grabbed the hand that was cold to pull her attention back to you.  

"is everything ok?" You asked, rubbing your finger on her hand to warm it up.  

Shenhe looked at you and frowned, "Yes. It everything is alright." She gently lead you away from the group, not wanting you to take notice of them.  

She tried to change her mood throughout the rest of the date, but what they were saying really did make her mad. She'd make sure to teach them a lesson if she ever saw them again  

Yanfei  

She will literally sue them for public harassment. Even if you didn't hear. She would find a way. And she would win. No matter what. Even if she has to play dirty  

And by letting them know they are being sued, she let you know in the process. Woops... 

"I mean look at that outfit. It's terrible. She looks like a clown. Actually I heard she stole those clothes from that one shop. " One girl laughed.  

You were walking around with Yanfei running errands. You were currently speaking with one of her customers about something while she placed the facts together in her head when she noticed a girl looking at you.  

She didn't let any other words leave her mouth when she walked over, "Good afternoon. I am sure that you're already aware of what you're doing is wrong. I'm afraid to say that I would have to bring you to court for a defamation charge."  

The girls knew who Yanfei was, and they knew that she could bring them down. Especially in their reputation.  

You noticed the ruckus being caused and walked over, "What's going on?"  

"These two young ladies were slandering your name. Which is something you can charge them on. I'll take on your case of course." Yanfei explained.  

You smiled a little embarrassed, "Yanfei...it's really not that serious. Come on, let's go finish your errands." You pulled her away before she further scared the girls.  

She grumbled the rest of the way, saying how you should've let her teach them a lesson  

The girls were so scared after that day that they never bad mouthed you again. Or anytime for that matter. They were too scared of someone listening in and doing something that could bring them down. Or show how low they rly were. (did that make sense? Basically, they didn't want people to know how rude and disgraceful they really were)  

Rosaria  

They are 100% dead after that day. She will not be taking any slander or gossiping towards her beloved (Y/N).  

She makes sure to terrify them first and then end them, quickly and silently. For the church of course...they has misdemeanors...or she confused them for another target. How tragic. Not  

But, you would not hear a word about it. She could dispose of them and make sure you don't hear a thing about what happened.  

"I hate (Y/N). They could die and I'm sure no one would even miss them. Why are they here anyways. " One person whispered inside the church. This was a holy place. How dare they speak such impurities here.  

Rosaria circled the place, her eye locked on the three young people. They felt chills go down their spine and they all looked around to see why they felt eyes on them.  

Suddenly they saw Rosaria, staring at them from the other side of the church. Her eyes were terrifying. They all quickly exited the church. After a few minutes passed, Rosaria followed.  

If she hadn't bumped into you, she might've actually done it. But your sweet smile made her forget her current anger a little bit. 

"why do you look to agitated?" You asked with concern.  

She grabbed your waist and tilted your head up, placing a kiss at the corner of your lips, "No reason. If someone ever speaks badly of you, let me know."  

You blushed a little, this was a bit out of character, "S-sure thing."  

Ah about the ones that escaped thanks to you, well they disappeared from Monstadt. Whether they moved or Rosaria "took care" of them was between her and the archons.  

Lumine  

She knew what it was like to have people hate you. When she first arrived in Liyue, she was accused of killing their god, and in Inazuma, her arrival brought much controversies between the two sides.  

She had supporters, haters, followers and enemies. She was used to it by now, so she knew how to handle it.  

But when she heard someone insult your good name, something lit up inside her  

"Look at how she carries herself. Pathetic." One woman scoffed, "did her parents not teach her manners."  

Lumine glanced over at the pair, her eyes narrowing. You were currently looked around the local market for tonight's dinner, and were walking around excited and skipping around.  

"That's no way to act like a lady." The woman said, taking out her fan and hiding her scowl.  

Lumine turned to her, "No, speaking to distastefully is no way to act like a lady. You don't even know (Y/N), so you don’t have the right to say such things." And before the lady could react, she walked on over to you, taking your hand and moving you away.  

As you asked what was wrong, she simply muttered something about catching tonight's dinner instead.  

After so many people being unhelpful with finding her brother and only giving her tasks to do, she was done with the locals. And now that they were dragging you down too, she wasn't afraid to speak back to them.  

[songmingisthighs]

I saw this and i just want to say some things about an issue. skip if uncomfortable. tw : mockery of religion ???

a. i'm disappointed that a rather large fan account used their platform to talk about this. when i saw this i was genuinely hurt because as a christian who struggled with her faith for years, i felt like i came such a long way only to be shamed. and while i understand well that it's not aimed at me, it's aimed at part of my identity so it still hurts to be looked down upon. i have no problem if this person did it in their private instagram but that account is a known fan account about ateez and it left a bitter taste in my mouth to think that i'm a christian but i'm also an atiny and this happened like wtf.

b. i don't think christians wanna be oppressed but seeing as how nowadays using christianity as a mockery and not even a joke is socially acceptable when it shouldn't, it feels illegal to be a christian nowadays. I've had people pull away from me after finding out that i'm a christian and while it sucks and it hurts bad, i accept and understand that some people are not comfortable with that. but that still feel like discrimination to me.

c. i'm just still shook to see this like i hope none of you all are like this; using your influential account to openly mock someone's identity. I can't control what you do but i also can't control how i feel about certain things. I have more to say but my brain is muddled with disappointment and shock like i genuinely hope the account's owner realize that it's rather underhanded to mock a whole community based on one video and then posting it in a fan account. separate your personal hate and ateez

[assembledpress]

I binged Heartstopper and now I can't stop crying 🍂

After a recommendation from a friend, I started Heartstopper. When I started the first episode, I expected to discover a fun binge-watch with cute characters. What I didn’t expect was a series that would consume my entire weekend and lead to an emotional breakdown on a Saturday evening. 

For those unaware, Heartstopper tells the love story between Nick and Charlie, two teenage boys who are learning to navigate school, friendships, and love. While the first season of the show came out last spring, I was too distracted by Bridgerton’s second season. As a former teenager myself, I have long been a fan of teen dramas of all different varieties; from The Vampire Diaries to High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (HSMTMTS) to Never Have I Ever to The Summer I Turned Pretty to Euphoria. I love the music montages, the fashion, and often, the drama. However, after season three of HSMTMTS, I found myself a bit disillusioned, as the show felt in many ways to be throwing random storylines to the wall to see what might stick. It ended up leaving a bit of a bad taste in my mouth for the entire genre.

But then, my trusted friend’s recommendation of Heartstopper led me to sit for nearly eight hours straight in my papasan chair wondering how I functioned for so long not having this show, its characters, and its storylines in my life. You may be thinking “So you found a show you really liked that is quite popular right now and had a proper binge of it. So what?”. 

For context, I’m a woman nearly two years post-grad who recently married her high school sweetheart, and therefore, I find myself at a point in life where I greatly miss my college friends and am super sensitive to any trope or story about first love or high school romance. What do you mean Peter Parker doesn’t stay with Gwen Stacey forever? In my head, she survives that fall and no one ever mentions MJ. Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez? Definitely happily married living in the suburbs with their athletic singing kiddos. Despite that hopeful romantic side of me, I’ve been informed throughout most of my life by almost all media and a variety of different statistics that first love doesn’t last. During the first several years of my relationship, I felt like people around me were waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering how long we’d last before breaking up. Needless to say, I approached Heartstopper with a pocketful of caution and an expectation for the show to be just like any other melodramatic teen soap I’d seen before. 

Boy was I wrong. Heartstopper approaches its main relationship with the utmost respect for how genuine those teenage butterflies are. It builds slowly, allowing time to focus on the sparks felt when your finger touches your crush’s at lunch, or when you brush shoulders in the hallway. It never takes the cheap way out, never having a character reconnect with a toxic ex, or forcing a drawn-out love triangle. Instead, the show opts to dissect the wholesome nature of a crush turning into an early relationship and eventually, through commitment and care, evolving into a deep love.

Almost as importantly though, Heartstopper emphasizes the love not just in Nick and Charlie’s romantic relationship, but within their friend group. Charlie and Tao’s deep friendship spans years and has equally as deep ups and downs, and the two friends, despite never having any romantic connection, talk about their feelings openly, never being afraid to say “I love you” to one another. 

And thus, my emotional breakdown. I realized through the show’s supportive and loving friend group how much I missed the people who know me best. I found myself reminiscing over the early days of my relationship rather than being present over dinner with the same person. Piled on with the nostalgia and butterflies, I found myself crying with the littlest of provocation, and just feeling in a funk. 

It wasn’t until I finished my first re-watch of the show that I properly processed that it was okay if the show deeply impacted me, and I didn’t need to feel guilty for feeling all those emotions. Despite there being a near-infinite amount of quality content available at my fingertips, this show spoke to my heart, which is an undeniably special thing. Further, Heartstopper is the first show in a while that has prompted me to want to create - to create videos, sketches, paintings, short-form content, playlists, and this written piece. 

To be fair, maybe I’m biased toward the show because my compulsive nature led me to read all the graphic novels and research everything I could about the cast and creator to learn that *spoiler* Nick and Charlie canonically stay together forever. It feels comfortable and safe and representative to me to see a relationship start with a first glance in a classroom and end with 'til death do us part. Regardless, I feel that the show exists to honor how pure first love is, and how much that can impact and shape a person for the rest of their life. Whether it lasts decades or only a few months, first love has a way of irrevocably changing you. It’s something I’ve experienced firsthand and something Heartstopper reminded me of - for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.

[ftmtftm]

It does kinda seem that you put a whole possible group of people on blast for one kid's dumbass "joke". This is going to have repercussions that are a bit too harsh for the crime of being young and unfunny, as people are already making posts talking about sending them rape threats, suicide baiting them, and doxing them. Calling attention to this on your big blog probably wasn't the best move, even if you felt the need to distance yourself in a "its not me, its them officer" type move. This doesn't need anymore attention. It should've been handled privately with the user who originally made the joke, but I guess that's tumblr for you. Everything needs to be a circus.

I hope you're deleting any replies that are listing urls in your notes bc if you let that happen on your post, on your blog, and it goes too far, you'll have some perverbial blood on your hands too.

Hey, so first and foremost to address the very end of your ask: I have not seen anyone listing URLs in my replies or reblogs and if anyone has been doing that I would appreciate it being brought to my attention so I can delete it! I've scrubbed through the notes and my activity and cannot find anything, so if something has slipped through the cracks please tell me!

Secondly, and also related to the end of your ask, I really don't appreciate the guilt trippy nature of this ask at all! If you want to have a discussion about platforms and the way people use them, by all means we can have that conversation, but I'd prefer if it was had without the typical Tumblr accusatory guilt trip tonality. I'm addressing this upfront because addressing someone in the way you've addressed me really isn't how a productive conversation is had, but I wanna take the opportunity to try to have one. Let's just talk without trying to make each other feel bad to try to prove a point, okay?

I do agree that I should have put more thought into my post and also I should not have made it while I was on my lunch break at work. I had less control over the response to it than I would've liked and also left people in my DMs waiting on a reply in a way I'm sure was stressful. I'm not used to my posts gaining that much attention that quickly and that is on me for not having thought about that possibly.

I do think that I made it abundantly clear that I don't support the harassment of anyone, ever and that harassment and targeting individuals wasn't the goal of the post once I was able to. I do apologize that it wasn't something I was necessarily thinking about it the moment and that my comments were not soon enough to beat some of Tumblr's worst to the punch.

This is where I'm sure some people will disagree with me, but do I pretty firmly believe in openly, publicly talking about the failures of and issues within my own communities. I don't think there is anything to be gained from trying to shy away from it or trying to be quiet about it, especially when shying away or burying it just tends to lead to entire community collapse in the long run in my experience. That is why I made a post publicly about it in the first place.

I'm going to go more in depth into my reasoning for making a public post here, but if that doesn't interest you that's okay! The previous paragraph sums up my feelings pretty concisely, this next section is just expanding on it.

This is a new~ish blog, but I've been active on and off in Tumblr discourse spaces since I was about 16 so I'm looking at this informed by about a decade of experiences. The thing I've seen that happens most often is once people who aren't used to a giant influx of attention get that attention, especially if it is negative, things tend to get extremely sour extremely quickly. Usually this results in taunting, feeling like you need to get the last word in with a quippy remark, slippery slope-ing, and a lot of assumptions and poor taste comments that come from very real upset and distress. Those responses then get used as more fuel for the fire and it just continues and continues and continues really until someone deletes or abandons their blog. That's absolutely not to discredit the very real distress that is happening, but instead to call attention to this cycle that happens all the time.

I personally partially attribute the nature of this cycle to the fact that no one on the internet (especially on Tumblr) really knows how to healthily disengage because the internet is a culture all about engagement (especially negative engagement), but that's a topic for another post. The reason why I bring up the cycle is because in all of that individuals tend to get mean, defensive, and deflective and say things they might not actually mean or reflect extremely poorly out of context.

That's what has been happening with multiple people I follow the last few days, not just with one or two individuals. When a culture like that begins to take shape I think it's important to openly address the ways in which it is manifesting, especially when it includes a public joke about the oppression of another marginalized group. Like I said earlier, I do think I should have gone about it better in the ways I've already described but what's done is done in that regard. I also would like to address the fact that I explicitly, intentionally did not name individuals because there was already a harassment campaign happening and I did not want to directly contribute to that. Again, I see the failures within that especially given my own personal timing, I just want to give context for anyone reading this ask.

Again, you're more than allowed to disagree with my feelings or my responses/lack of response due to other constraints and you can extrapolate as much ill will and negativity from it all as you'd like. I can't control the thoughts and actions of other people. I do, however, know myself and I know how I feel and while I do believe I should have been more thoughful about my timing and wording I don't have any issue with openly addressing actions I disagree with in communities I'm in. Especially ones like that. That's not really going to change because of an anon slippery slope-ing about proverbial blood on my hands in my askbox.

I also want to add on the end here that I don't particularly like the accusation that I'm a "big blog" when before I made that post I had under 200 followers. Sure, I'm vocal, I've got a decently put together mobile layout, and I speak like I know what I'm talking about, but I'm that doesn't make me a "big blog" - I've just been on Tumblr for a decade and know my way around most of the time (though, as I think this shows, I'm also still human and have my own blind spots like everyone else).

[luminberry]

Chef of Gods part 3

the final lil snippet of my chef series, ending things out with @stuffems bois with Abadon. If you want the other two heres part one and part two

anyways here we go

Cori felt exhausted, the last week of meeting not only Faraday but now Mammon as well..Both seemed keen on inviting themselves into their home whenever they tried to cook something, more often than not when they tried any recipe from that book they bought recently.

Today however was quiet for once, more than likely due to them not having the energy to cook anything expansive or time consuming. They ate little and tried to rest, only growing frustrated when sleep eluded them time and time again. None of their old tricks helped with coaxing their body to sleep and their ire grew steadily.

As night came they sighed and trudged into their kitchen to attempt something basic but filling, butter noodles. It was a simple dish honestly but a comfort one that Cori liked to make when they only had so many ingredients to spare and little energy.

Some al dente noodles cooking away in some butter, cheese and minced garlic left the small apartment smelling almost like home to Cori. Of course, as their mind wandered to other times..the lingering sense that something was amiss gently clicked into place.

That particular feeling only seemed to wake up when someone else was lurking nearby. Cori sighed softly and called out to the space surrounding them.

"I made enough for two if you want to share a little bit with me..Sorry it's nothing extravagant like my other dishes..I'm so tired I don't think I can manage anything else tonight."

"Ah...I apologize for intruding mortal. I couldn't quite keep myself from following the lovely smell coming from here. I'm surprised you noticed my presence."

Oh. That didn't sound anything like Faraday or Mammon...shit was this another god? They sounded..nice though, much deeper than the other two and almost..apologetic somehow. That made Cori turn away from the cooling stove to see who their new guest was and blinked some in surprise.

Floating in the air on a sunset colored cloud of all things was a many armed being smiling gently down at them. Their colorations reminded them of a beautiful night sky, though Cori felt bad for staring so openly and instead offered them a smile back despite looking most likely tired.

"Oh, sorry I was uh..expecting someone else. Who might you be?"

"I am Abadon, god of dreams..I see you've met my two younger brothers, I hope they've been treating you well."

"You-oh you mean you're brothers with Faraday and Mammon?"

"Yes, I'm the elder brother of the three of us..They must think highly of you, Faraday tends to lay claim on those he thinks show promise quite readily.."

"Oh..uh..yeah I think he's my Patron or something..but both him and Mammon tend to sorta show up now and again.."

"I can see why, Mammon's not one to let something he takes a interest in leave his sights for long..They've both talked about you at length alongside your cooking prowess. I admit it had me curious but..I don't venture to the mortal realm often I'm afraid."

"Oh..well you and your brothers are welcomed here if you'd all like.. I don't mind sharing what I make now and then."

"You'd spoil us all then mortal..But thank you for your kindness."

"So..I take it you'd like a little of my butter noodles then? I didn't think Gods liked simple dishes like that, n-no offense sir."

"Please, feel free to just call me Abadon..and my tastes aren't as refined as my younger brothers. Simple and heartfelt are best as I see it...But ah, yes..if you wouldn't mind.. Smelling them has made me a tad bit hungry."

As if to make a point, Cori heard a faint but distinct grumble coming from the Gods midsection, causing them to hide a grin before moving to grab a bowl or two to serve up the noodles for them both. Topping both with a bit more cheese and grabbing a glass of tea to offer the visiting God as well.

"Here you go, sorry I haven't introduced myself either..whoops! You can call me Cori! Guess I'm lucky if I've met all three of you brothers."

A soft happy hum was Cori's only reply as Abadon dug into his offered meal, gently lowering to the ground to curl his longer lower half around himself as he ate..It was something curious to watch.

"Mn..delicious..I can certainly see why those two seem to nearly fight over you..Shame Faraday got to you first, I think I would of liked to have you be mine..Though I don't think he minds sharing."

..The idea of three gods bickering over them sounded..interesting at best. The warmth filling Coris face as the thought persisted made Abadon softly chuckle.

"We're not the worst to gain the attention of..Faraday is a capricious sort but he means well..Mammon is easy to get along with as long as you don't make him too mad of course."

"..What about you Abadon?"

"I am..well easy to get along with, or so I've been told..I don't often speak to many mortals..you've been the newest in quite some time I'm afraid, my apologies if I'm a tad bit rusty."

"You're plenty nice from what I've seen so far..You and your brothers have been nice to me so.. I don't mind being shared I guess?"

Abadon nods as the last of the noodles are polished off at last. Cori stifled a yawn behind one hand and moved to take the dishes to the sink to worry about later.

Abadon eyed them as they moved, a thought crossing his mind on how to repay the generous little chef.

"You mentioned having trouble sleeping Cori, is that correct?"

"Oh uh..yeah..I haven't been able to sleep since last night and it's been bothering me all day..I sometimes get bad bouts of insomnia like this but I'm used to it by now.."

"Hm. If you would allow me to..I can help alleviate your troubles, as a thank you for treating me and my family so well these last few days."

"Oh-uh you don't have to if you don't want to, I don't wanna bother you with my problems.."

"I want to help you Cori, as a thank you for being such a kind mortal when it wasn't asked of you. You've treated me and my brothers well, and as a token of my gratitude I offer to help you where only I can."

"O-oh..uh alright, when you put it like that I'll accept?"

"Thank you my dear, now come close if you don't mind. I'll gift you with a lovely sleep."

Cori, now curious what exactly Abadon was going to do, they came closer until they were gently lifted up by thick nightsky colored hands and set carefully on the growing number of sunset colored clouds.

"Oh...oh wow. Holy fuck..okay."

Cori sank into the clouds and realized they had never felt something so soft and welcomingly comfortable..This blew any blanket or beds comfort out of the water and into the stratosphere.. Exhaustion bubbled up behind their eyes and called for sleep to claim them.

The clouds around them emitted a soft almost glittering dust that floated around their eyes, and before Cori could even utter a thank you, their head sank back against the clouds cradling them and fell asleep.

Abadon chuckled once more at the sleeping form curled up beside him..They'd get the sleep they need after all they've been doing and wake up feeling well rested and content. A large hand gently patted their shoulder before he pulled them and himself back into his home realm for the evening.

[i-like-gay-books]

lately been seeing a lot of pushback against the pushback against intellectual elitism, crying anti-intellectualism, and there are a few reasons this is bothering me which i’m going to try to list here to the best of my abilities all in one sitting because otherwise i’ll forget to finish it:

1. the whole attitude against consuming “easy” media like marvel or mainstream movies or books, etc, is intellectual elitism no matter how you sugar coat it. im not saying it’s intentionally malicious, in fact i believe most people doing it are unaware they’re doing anything at all. the thing is that privilege can affect you in many different ways, and the level of media you are able to consume and have an enjoyable experience with is one of those ways.

i am very well educated in language and writing, so reading experimental stories where the syntax and turn of phrase is almost more important than the actual plot or characters is easy and even sometimes enjoyable for me. however, i have next to no media literacy when it comes to films. i can watch something more artistic or experimental, but i likely won’t understand it even close to the amount i need to in order to enjoy it. it would take a lot of effort to fully understand and even if i got to the point of understanding it the effort it took would make the experience much less enjoyable.

i hope i explained that well enough. it’s kinda hard to put into words

2. it’s ableist. full stop. i’m not even joking here i saw someone seriously type out and post something that said people are using this callout of intellectual elitism as a way to hide the fact that they’re all just “jocks who don’t play sports.” that doesnt directly relate to this point in particular i just remembered it. 

yes, less artistic or intentionally intellectual/ thought provoking pieces of art are easier to consume. speaking as someone who has not only dealt with chronic burnout myself but who is part of a generation of people living day in and day out with chronic burnout, sometimes easy media is all i can handle. by which i mean, most times. and its easier to consume again. and again. and again and again.

burnout is just one example of course, many disabilities can cause a lack of energy to devote to activities that are for leisure. and even without disabilities, humans are meant to rest. nobody wants to be thinking critically or philosophically 100% of the time.

3. communities are much larger surrounding mainstream/ easy to consume media. obviously that doesnt make it more worthwhile, but it does come with its own certain set of benefits. also you know what mainstream fandoms have a shit ton of? fan work. look at fan fiction and fan art and fan theories and tell me those people are not thinking critically and engaging meaningfully with their source material. just try to tell me. 

some people work better with more hands on, creative pursuits. my favorite subjects growing up were always math and english, because there was a way to be involved, and not just be told the answers, the story. science and history never offered me that, at least not as openly. learning styles are different, and just because we’re talking about a leisure activity here doesnt mean that fact changes or becomes irrelevant.

this is just me word dumping onto a document because i didnt want to hijack a post at 12:30 at night, but these are a few of the reasons this “anti-intellectualism” accusation has been leaving a bad taste in my mouth for the few months its been going on. feel free to add on or ignore or whatever, i dont really care. i just needed to write it down and get it out there.

[self-ships-ahoy]

F/Os in My Dreams!

If a single dream getting me to obsess and eventually f/o E.dgeworth over the course of 3 months wasn't enough, my dreams continue to expose me to my crushes! (including those whose ships I broke up already - I think my dreams still ship me with them lol) If you all don't mind, I'm going to mention those scenes here cuz they're really occupying my mind, and I need to talk about ships more lol. I'll tag it so you can block the tag, cuz this might be something I do more often in the future, if this keeps up.

~💤~

💙 Last week, I had a couple dreams where Sigma was in them. When I was just me, it felt very weird in the moment to be with him, but when I was in the role of Synthia, it felt normal. That's not something I ever experienced, or needed to experience, with Medic, so I'm starting to wonder if Synthia is more of an oc than a self insert... 🤔

💙1/3 of last night's f/os. Fatgum was going off to fight somewhere, where I couldn't follow - or even see ahead to. The worry didn't last long cuz he came back ok. I ran to him, and when we met, he scooped me up and carried me and spun me around! He's just so cute and sweet! I love how openly affectionate we are together.

💙 2/3. Simultaneously, I spawned a new self insert to be with Pre.sent Mic again, despite once again moving him to the platonic group. It was an older idea I was considering when I was shipping with both of them, and this isn't the first time my dreams have tried to influence me to stay with him. He was pretty sad. His hair was all down, unstyled, and he looked so tired, and he was starting to doubt himself. It was so so unlike him, it was worrying; and yet, I knew this had to get out. He holds it in for so long... So I sit by his side and hug him, saying how I wished he could see himself how I saw him. (I'm sure if I wrote that discussion myself, I'd say he's still worth while if he can't save everyone, or be there to support everyone all the time. He puts his all into everyone else and never has time for himself..)

When I think he's starting to feel better, I give him a little peck on the lips, and we go to see some other heroes returning from a mission - including Taishiro and my previous dream identity. It was like looking in a mirror!

💙 3/3. Things just get sadder with Dai Zong. After getting dressed up all fancy and hoping to participate in what looked like a wedding ceremony with my boyfriend, I catch Highroller and his goons (the main antagonists, for those who don't know Hero 108) sneaking into the building we were staying at it didn't look like our base, in retrospect). He mistakenly assumes I want to marry him, which he doesn't like, and I correct him by saying I want to marry Dai Zong. He then criticizes my taste, surprised someone would like such a boring, uptight guy. The nerve. 😤

After they got chased off, I got to talk to Dai Zong. Not only was I mistaken about the gathering's purpose, but when I asked him about marriage, he said it's not likely to happen as long as the war goes on. That somehow, the enemy could take advantage of the situation or even attack the ceremony. He did say he wants to marry me, but he's not sure when it's gonna happen. I wake up before there's a resolution.

💙 Something less sad from the other night, but I still wish it hadn't happened: I kissed the wrong A.ce Attorney guy. I mean, I kissed him. And now he's stuck on my mind like a bad earworm. I'm hoping to be rid of these conflicting feelings soon so I can go back to Miles and the ship I've committed 3 months to, but I worry that it's an 'engineer to medic' situation. I shipped with Engie initially for about 3 months; then I dream about crushing on Medic and 3 days later I'm in love with him. And I don't wanna ship with both cuz that just gets hairy for me. >_< I guess I'll just...see what happens. Just wanted to get that one off my chest.