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suzena · 11 months

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Complete Dead Apple Explanation

Or: “The Ultimate Guide to Dead Apple”.

Warning: this is a long post! I’m not kidding, I worked on this for three months. There is a TL;DR at the end but it will only briefly cover the most important points.

I see posts about Dead Apple not being understood far too often and so I’m introducing: this explanation! I do want to preface this by saying that I can completely understand that this movie can be confusing. Or, as Fyodor said it:

But, as someone who has seen it many times, I’m here to shed some light on it! Hopefully after this post it’ll all make a bit more sense, and you’ll at least have different questions.

If you haven’t watched the movie yet and are wondering when to watch it, the story officially takes place between season two and three, though you’ll be able to watch season three with no issues if you haven’t watched the movie. Please do note that this post will contain light spoilers for the plot after season two, so don’t read it if you haven’t at least finished catching up to the anime.

I’ll try not to summarize the movie, but instead explain it. That means that this post does not replace the movie, but instead tries to elaborate upon it and tries to place it in the larger plot. Most of the early movie is therefore ignored, but please do not hesitate to ask if you have extra questions, comments, different interpretations or you want me to go into more detail about something. I may not know everything, but I’m always down to talk about this movie!

Alright, with all of that out of the way…

The Dragon Head Conflict

We’ll start at the beginning, which is to say, we’ll start at the prologue, which can be found as a permanent event in Mayoi (and also as a part of the Dead Apple manga). This is not technically needed to understand most of the movie, but it does give some context that will make it a little easier, since this is where it all starts.

The Dragon Head Conflict, sometimes also translated as the Ryuuzu Conflict, is (as the movie states) the largest conflict in the history of Yokohama’s underworld. It took place six years ago, and originally was about five hundred billion yen an ability user left behind after they died, which various organizations were very interested in. It lasted for a total of 88 days, and involved conflict between eight different underworld organizations, including among others the Port Mafia, Gelhart Security Service/GSS (from Fifteen) and Takasekai (also from Fifteen).

Now as you can imagine, the government isn’t super stoked that gangs are shooting each other up all night and leaving corpses everywhere, to the point where the sidewalk is torn up from the bullet holes. To try to combat this, they thought that they could best fight fire with fire, and let a strong ability user from outside Yokohama settle this conflict all at once.

This new ability user, known as the “White Qilin”, unfortunately doesn’t really care about ending the conflict and kills other strong ability users left and right just for the fun of it, contrary to what the government had hoped he would do. Whether they are uninvolved parties or Port Mafia executives, it doesn’t matter to this guy. The White Qilin also ends up taking the money the conflict was originally about, but that doesn’t stop his murder spree. In this way, the White Qilin gains control over the entire conflict pretty fast, making him the main target to eliminate in order to put a stop to the killings.

Dazai approaches this problem similarly as to how he did during the conflict of Stormbringer, with a group of ability users to overpower the lone individual, but gets his plan twisted on him and gets kidnapped instead. Naturally, he predicted this outcome, leaving a hint for Chuuya where he left a transmitter for a tracking device so that Chuuya could come rescue him.

This is then the first scene of the movie, where Dazai and Chuuya confront and defeat the White Qilin using Corruption, and the whole Dragon Head Conflict ends since the White Qilin is finally gone and all the money burned. This battle is so iconic in the underground circles that it gains them the name “Double Black”, or “Soukoku”.

A few small notes on the Dragon Head Conflict before we move on.

As can also be seen in the first scene of the movie, this is where Oda adopts all five of those kids you see during the Dark Age, which was also already stated in the Dark Age itself.

“I heard all about it, Odasaku. You’re raising five kids, huh? And not only that, they’re orphans from the Dragon’s Head Conflict.” ―Dazai, Dark Age

Also, ever wondered why the Port Mafia is the only major criminal organization in Yokohama? There actually used to be five in total but four of them completely perished during the Dragon Head Conflict. Another reason why Dazai & Chuuya ending the conflict is so impressive, since because of that the Port Mafia is the only one to even survive it at all.

Shibusawho?

As you’ve probably guessed by now, the “White Qilin”, also named “the Collector” in Dead Apple itself, are both different names for our main antagonist: Shibusawa Tatsuhiko. The government had good reason to believe Shibusawa would be able to stand against the entire Yokohama underground and come out on top: his ability.

Shibusawa’s ability, Draconia, creates a fog around him, which separates other ability users from their own ability and makes non-ability users disappear as long as the fog persists. When surrounded by this fog, ability users are confronted with this version of their ability that is split from themselves. If an ability user is to die within this fog, their ability will be added to Draconia’s collection room.

There is decent evidence that it takes a while before the fog activates, so the effect isn’t immediate. This can be seen with Chuuya, who makes very short contact with the fog before he lifts up the building that he shoves in the Dragon’s mouth, but it’s seen even more clearly with Atsushi and Kyouka at the start of the movie. They spend a small while running around Yokohama wondering why everyone is gone before they’re finally confronted with their abilities.

To some extent the separated abilities represent the inner conflict in an ability user. This can of course be clearly found in Atsushi and his shaky connection to the tiger, or in Kyouka who has Demon Snow which is the last remnant of her parents but also murdered them in front of her. But the clearest example of this in the movie is actually Kunikida, since there is a visible change between him and his ability.

The notebook of Kunikida’s ability does not read its usual “理想” (ideals), but instead now says “妥協” (compromise). For Kunikida, a person so tied to his ideals, this version of his ability is an “abomination” (his words, not mine), and thus a source of inner conflict, since it represents a side of Kunikida that he carries within him.

“A copy of himself that didn’t follow ideals but made compromises was an abomination to Kunikida.”―Dead Apple (light novel)

If ability users manage to defeat their abilities in a physical fight, and then also accept these parts of themselves for what they represent, they will regain their ability. For example, Atsushi does not immediately regain his ability after defeating the tiger because he does not completely accept that the tiger represents that he has killed a person. For Atsushi, a person who connects his entire reason of living to saving other people, this is nearly irreconcilable. The only reason he probably is able to get over it in the end is that the person he killed was actively torturing and trying to kill him, so Atsushi had to kill to survive.

Shibusawa, then, is dead. Chronologically, his murder is the earliest you see of him. Fyodor has told Shibusawa that Atsushi contains something that “guides the envy of all ability users”, so Shibusawa, who feels like he is missing something, seeks to take this by any means. This doesn’t work out too hot for him, and Atsushi kills him.

Now a fun thing happens. Since Shibusawa is the center of the fog at all times, so to speak, and he’s the keeper of the abilities that die in his fog, his ability is separated from himself and lives on, nearly indistinguishable from his original body. Only one downside to this: he completely loses his memories.

I can only assume the government steps in at this point to take this strong ability user in his vulnerable state, and then have him solve the Dragon Head Conflict not long after. He most likely also survived Chuuya’s Corruption by being an ability, and having ability crystals in his collection to fall back on and recover, as he also does in Dead Apple. However, all of that is just pure speculation.

After the Dragon Head Conflict, Shibusawa spends some years abroad, casually killing thousands of ability users for the same reason as during the Dragon Head Conflict: just playing around and trying to fill that hole of something that is missing inside of him. The Japanese government mostly does a spectacular and spectacularly unethical job of cleaning up after him, since they learned nothing from the Dragon Head Conflict and still think that they can control him to protect Japan should it ever be invaded by foreign ability users.

Eventually, when the timing is right, Shibusawa gets invited back to Japan by Dazai. At the same time he is told by Fyodor (can you see the manipulation happening on both sides?) that Dazai’s ability is the ultimate ability that will finally complete him, and so Shibusawa eagerly comes to Yokohama.

From here on out, as far as Shibusawa is concerned, it’s just a matter of covering the entire city in fog, killing Dazai and then taking his ability. Since Dazai cancels the fog itself with his ability, Shibusawa does need to kill him first, since the fog will work just fine on a corpse. Unfortunately, Shibusawa, however smart he is, is not in control of the plot in this movie. That control is left entirely to the combination of Dazai and Fyodor.

Intermezzo: Singularity Crash Course

Let’s do a lightning quick crash course on singularities before continuing, because you’re going to need that to understand what is happening in the next part. While Stormbringer was released after Dead Apple, I’m still going to be leaning heavily on and paraphrasing the information provided in that novel since it gives a really nice overview.

Abilities are bound to rules, just like everything else. No organisms other than humans, such as plants or monkeys, can possess an ability. Each human can only have a single ability, and when they die the ability disappears with them. Finally, there is a limit to the strength of any such ability.

But what if you wanted to go beyond that limit? What if you wanted to play with the natural laws of this world? What if you wanted to get really silly with it? Well, in that case, you can try your best at creating a singularity.

Singularities are defined as “the interaction of multiple abilities that develops into a higher-level phenomenon different from the original abilities”. This mostly exhibits itself in a massive release of energy, but rarely there are semi-stable versions of them. Singularities aren’t bound to conventional rules, and can be much more powerful for that exact reason.

As for creating singularities, there are two defined ways. The most reliable method is to have two contradicting abilities clash with each other. This leads to fun mental exercises, think “unstoppable force meets immovable object”, or, two ability users who can both see a few seconds into the future fighting to the death (sound familiar?). As a second method, an ability can also contradict itself, essentially causing the same result, but it’s a lot more finicky.

“Dead Apple”

The latter part of the movie revolves around exactly the creation of such a singularity, as all planned out by Fyodor, and accurately anticipated by Dazai. Let’s lay out all the layers of this.

Shibusawa is after Dazai’s ability. Meanwhile, Dazai is trying to stop the fog to save Yokohama. As for Fyodor, we’ll get to him in a second.

Dazai “teams up” with Fyodor and betrays Shibusawa to put a stop to the fog. The idea of this is that Fyodor combines two abilities from Shibusawa’s collection, which Dazai can’t do himself without canceling them: the ability to pull abilities in a surrounding area close, and the ability to merge abilities together. When these two are merged, together they create an ability that will absorb Shibusawa’s entire collection, and then Dazai only has to touch this ability to effectively get rid of Shibusawa’s power source.

There is a specific reason why it has to happen like this, and Dazai just touching Shibusawa isn’t quite enough. Let’s mentally walk through the process if Dazai were to touch Shibusawa. The fog disappears for a bit (and Shibusawa with it, most likely), but Shibusawa now knows Dazai’s intentions. Fyodor will take Shibusawa’s side and now Dazai is at a large disadvantage. Ultimately, it doesn’t even solve the problem. We know from the Dragon Head Conflict that just destroying Shibusawa’s body is most likely not enough, and he will be able to resummon the fog (and his body) with time and energy. The problem needs to be cut off at the root, the ability crystals.

Unfortunately, Fyodor didn’t really team up with Dazai, instead choosing to team up with Shibusawa in order to get rid of Dazai. This is then where Shibusawa gets to kill Dazai, and discovers that wait, Dazai’s ability may not be what he’s seeking after all. However, the abilities are already merged, and Dazai’s ability joins them. This combines “the ability to merge” with “the ability to nullify”, which don’t exactly mix well. Does Dazai’s ability become part of the other ability? Does his ability nullify the merging ability before that can happen? It’s already part of it, but at the same time the merging can never happen. It’s contradictory, and thus a singularity is born.

Fyodor, meanwhile, hasn’t quite had his fill of betrayal yet, and decides to remind Shibusawa of what he is by killing him, reminding Shibusawa of his earlier death by Atsushi’s paw. All of this, killing Dazai and using his ability to create a singularity, having that power from the singularity then go into Shibusawa to create the Dragon, all of that was part of Fyodor’s plan. Shibusawa is only able to cover an entire city with fog because of the large amount of ability crystals he has collected, and so with enough power (like from a singularity) he can cover the entire world in this fog. Up until this point, neither Fyodor nor Shibusawa have seen a single ability user survive the fog, and thus it is the perfect method for getting rid of all ability users in the world, which does seem to be Fyodor’s end goal.

However, Chuuya swoops in and defeats the Dragon. Dazai was well prepared and had the antidote to the poison he was killed with hidden in his mouth, so he is alive and well again. That means that Dazai has his ability back and it cancels out the singularity space they both are in. It doesn’t completely get rid of the Dragon however, as some energy still lingers around the tower.

Fyodor is still on the scene, and uses a part of the merging crystal that he saved which was used earlier to create the singularity to merge Shibusawa with the singularity, giving Shibusawa a very anime transformation into his final form.

At this point, as a result of Shibusawa’s transformation, the fog turns red. If this red fog then covers the entire planet as Fyodor is hoping, and you were to watch it from space, it would look just like a poisonous red apple. The name of the movie therefore refers to this plan of using Shibusawa to rid the world of ability users.

This idea of poisonous apples in this movie comes from two different sources. From Fyodor’s side, it is referring to the apple Eve ate in the Bible, the original sin. For Fyodor, there is poetic irony in this: the world will end with the same sin as it began with. The crime is the punishment. On Dazai’s side, it refers to Snow White, who bit the poison apple and died (temporarily). He already talks about this to Oda when he is sixteen, vaguely implying he knew all of this was coming as soon as he met Shibusawa during the Dragon Head Conflict. Since Fyodor was already around at that time and also had a hand in enabling Shibusawa originally, this may indeed be planned out this far in advance, but it’s always hard to tell with these guys.

Then the kids take over the fight for the rest of the movie, and Atsushi, Akutagawa and Kyouka work together to defeat Shibusawa’s final form in the form of a long, epic final fight. Shibusawa is finally defeated and it all ends happily ever after.

The End.

Byakko VS The Dragon

…Or is it? You thought we covered the entire basic layer of the movie, so we’re done now, right? Think again! This is only where things start to become really interesting. Please note that this section will take some ideas that were already pointed out by other people, and build on those.

When looking at lore relevance of characters, Atsushi may not immediately spring to mind as one of the most important ones. Sure, he’s the protagonist of the main manga, but in comparison to the mystery surrounding Dazai or Fyodor he fades a little into the background.

Even in this post, an explanation about a movie that’s basically about Atsushi, I’m able to explain the basics of the movie without mentioning him much at all. And yet, the movie’s core conflict is not between Shibusawa, Dazai and Fyodor, but between Shibusawa and Atsushi.

While there isn’t a lot of information given about Shibusawa’s and Atsushi’s connection, what we do get is very interesting. Shibusawa is consistently referred to as a Dragon during Dead Apple, and while subtitles usually translate everything as “tiger”, Atsushi’s tiger is actually referred to as “Byakko” half of the time.

Now what is the difference between any good ol’ normal tiger and the Byakko, I hear you ask. The Byakko is much more than an ordinary tiger, since it is part of the 四神 (shijin/ shishin), the Four Guardians of the Four Compass Directions, which the Dragon is also a part of. What you essentially need to know from this is that the Byakko belongs to the same group of creatures as the Dragon, and that this solidifies Shibusawa’s status as Atsushi’s foil in this movie.

It also allows us to make a direct comparison between Shibusawa and Atsushi. The thing is, I have been lying to you a little bit. So far, I’ve been calling the Dragon a singularity. The truth is, it may not be. I know, I know, if it’s not a singularity, then what was that whole Dragon thing about?

Fyodor actually specifically tells us that the Dragon isn’t a singularity, but instead it’s “the true form of the chaos born from abilities”. (Note here that the Dead Apple light novel talks about Fyodor as if he is “reciting some Oracle”. Did Fyodor get this information from someone else?) Is this related to why Fyodor wants abilities gone from this world? Is there another layer to abilities and other creatures that BSD hasn’t even touched upon (think Lovecraft)? It’s hard to say at this point. All we can say is that the Dragon gets referred to as something else, and… that the Dragon is similar to the Byakko.

The tiger ability we see that got separated from Atsushi in the movie actually doesn’t follow the rules the other abilities do. It has a clearly defined face, and the red gem is not on its forehead. The gem found on the ability tiger is also red, which is in line with the other extracted abilities we see, but what gets extracted from Atsushi by Shibusawa is this blue cube. The weirdness continues in the flashback we see of Atsushi being tortured by Shibusawa.

We see Atsushi’s ability leave him, but then in a flash of self protection instinct, he partially transforms into the tiger, claws and all, while the blue gem is outside of his body. Earlier in the movie it is shown that if an ability is extracted from an ability user, they no longer have access to the powers of that ability. Then how is Atsushi able to use his tiger abilities here?

Granted, there is a bit of conflicting information within the movie about this, since during the final fight with Shibusawa this blue cube is once again extracted from Atsushi, but now he does lose his tiger powers. Could he resummon the tiger while not in possession of the cube if the situation is dire enough? Is this just a psychological thing because Atsushi is aware of it this time? Who can say. At any rate, this blue cube is connected deeply with Atsushi, but the clues given imply that it may not be the Byakko itself.

“That’s not an ability! That is me!”―Atsushi, reaching out to the blue cube in Dead Apple

To be honest, the movie does very little in explaining anything around Atsushi, instead raising more questions than answers. For that exact reason, the rest of this section will mostly be speculation about one possible angle on Atsushi’s ability that personally makes sense to me, but of course this is only one potential theory.

I do also want to add here that Atsushi personally goes through an arc in this movie from seeing the tiger as something separate to something that is intrinsically part of him. This can also be a reason for this final exclamation of “that’s me!” when he reaches out to the blue cube, but it doesn’t explain everything, which is why we explore an alternate possibility here.

My take on it is that the Byakko and this blue gem that get extracted from Atsushi are not the same thing. With the side note here being that they are probably deeply connected, but not the same regardless.

My reasoning for this is that everything Atsushi-related you see in Dead Apple makes a little more sense when you consider the Byakko and the blue cube as two separate entities. The Byakko’s gem is red, the cube is blue. The Byakko is framed as something separate from Atsushi, while he claims the cube is not an ability but he himself. Atsushi had access to the Byakko while the blue cube was outside of him. Shibusawa even makes a point of mentioning that the orphanage director, who correctly thought Atsushi was the tiger, had the wrong idea about Atsushi’s ability. The Byakko is definitely Atsushi’s ability, but this blue cube is… something else.

And yet, the tiger is also deeply connected to whatever this blue gem is. Currently, one theory that makes sense to me is that the tiger is an ability that can be passed on, just like Demon Snow, that has the specific task of protecting the power of this blue gem. So, a two in one deal. Atsushi also gets referred to as “the one holding the Byakko ability” by Ivan, which would be in line with the Byakko being an ability that can be passed on as needed. Shibusawa makes a similar statement, calling Atsushi “the one clad in the Byakko”. Atsushi also has issues controlling his ability before joining the ADA, just like Kyouka and Tsujimura, who both also inherited their abilities. I would love to further speculate on this, but there is so little information on anything relating to this, so anything further would be completely baseless.

However, there is one more different clue given to us by the movie. Namely, what this comparison to the Dragon means for Atsushi as the one holding the Byakko.

Almost in the same breath as Shibusawa is recounting Fyodor’s words about the Dragon being the chaos of all abilities, the holder of the Byakko also gets its own description about its true form: the one opposing all abilities.

This relates to what the blue cube may really be. What Atsushi does to Shibusawa in his final moments is what I essentially believe to be this blue cube’s true power: it completely unravels an ability. The blue power eats up everything supernatural about Shibusawa until only his natural skull is left.

If you think this sounds familiar, it kind of does! I cannot ignore the similarity to Dazai here, though I do have to point out that Dazai can only cancel out an ability, and this blue cube power seems to… completely erase the ability itself, leaving no trace of it. The similarity to Dazai is further found the moment Dazai dies and his ability leaves his body. At first, his ability is white and vaguely similar to the blue cube before deciding that nope, this is just barely not it.

I have a hard time connecting this to anything larger simply because the series does not give a lot of clues on this subject. How did abilities come to be? How is the Book related to that, since it is not an ability or borne from an ability? And how does Atsushi factor into this?

Shibusawa has been led to Atsushi since he believed Atsushi would grant him something special, something he had been looking for all this time. “That which every ability user desires.”

This is actually a familiar story! This is not the first time Fyodor has led someone to Atsushi with the premise that he would be able to lead them to what they were seeking. The first two seasons of the anime follow that specific idea, of Fitzgerald wanting Atsushi so he can lead him to the Book.

The tiger as the guide to the Book is something emphasized again and again. While in English it gets translated as “guide”, the original manga panel said “道標（タイガービートル）”, or, “guidepost (pronounced: tiger beetle, in English)”. While this is partially just a funny pun, it also once again points to the tiger specifically as a guide.

It did leave me to wonder about the absence of a certain scene in the series. Fyodor has been sending other people to Atsushi for the entire length of the series, but has never interacted with Atsushi himself. For someone who claims to be looking for the Book, and knows that Atsushi is somehow the guide to the Book, isn’t that a bit weird? Is there a reason Fyodor won’t interact with Atsushi himself? Fyodor knew about Atsushi way before he joined the ADA, so it’s not like Dazai is particularly standing in the way here.

Regardless, this factor that makes Atsushi so special may very well be this blue cube. How does the power to completely undo abilities lead to the Book? Who knows. We simply do not know enough about the Book or the origin of abilities to say more about this. Maybe the true power of the blue cube is something else entirely.

What does all of this mean? Where will it all lead? Only the future (Asagiri) can tell.

The Unexplained and Weird

Welcome to the section I’d fondly refer to as “a collection of things I have no explanation for”. There is plenty of that in this movie, but I do want to touch upon them since not being explainable as of currently does not necessarily mean that they aren’t important in the future. Also, not having an explanation for these things is driving me insane and I need to share in my suffering. Let’s go! :)

Let’s get the big thing out of the way first.

Mukurotoride, my friend, my enemy. For those unaware, Mukurotoride is the name of the large black tower that Shibusawa, Dazai and Fyodor were chilling in for most of the movie. The name gets translated as “Skull Fortress”, but the kanji used gives the name more of a “Dead Man’s Castle” feeling, since it refers to a person long since dead more than a skull. My problem with this tower is as follows: it doesn’t make any sense. Whatsoever.

Why is it there? Fifteen establishes it’s there seven years before the current timeline, so a year before Shibusawa dies. I would’ve accepted it if the tower was a weird side effect of Shibusawa dying or something, but the current facts point towards this tower not having anything to do with Shibusawa at all. It’s also very decayed. How long has it been there? Who put it there? Is it relevant that it’s right next to Suribachi? Or in the Yokohama foreign settlement? (Side note: foreign settlements have not been a thing since 1899. What’s up with Yokohama having a foreign settlement?) No one seems to know anything about this tower, not even in the Japanese community. And then in-universe, everyone also seems okay with this wildly out-of-place tower that looks like it’s made out of human bones being there in the middle of the city? It’s giving me Sky Casino vibes.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, we can talk about Fyodor’s ability.

I want to start this part by explaining my personal stance on the current Fyodor theories, since it influences how I talk about what is shown of his ability in Dead Apple. There are a bunch of theories about Fyodor having an insta-kill ability that only works on non-ability users. Personally, I don’t subscribe to this theory, and I have multiple reasons for this.

First, I don’t think we’ve ever seen Fyodor’s ability being used. At the end of Cannibalism a cop dies as soon as he touches Fyodor. In the manga abilities don’t have a special shine effect, but in the anime they do. However, in the anime there was no ability-shine here.

A stronger argument, perhaps, is that this happens right in front of Dazai, and Dazai immediately afterwards says he has no clue what Fyodor’s ability could be. He could be lying, of course, but since this is a common enemy he shares with Fitzgerald, who is the one asking him about Fyodor’s ability, I don’t see any reason for him to do so here. The whole murder reads a little bit like Fyodor just putting on a show for Dazai.

Finally, from a narrative viewpoint, killing with a touch is a little… useless? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s convenient, I guess, when you’re a terrorist who seeks to exterminate part of the global population. But there are many ways to kill a person, and Fyodor has shown time after time that he doesn’t need to rely on an ability to murder people.

The strongest argument for the insta-kill ability in my opinion is Fyodor himself saying “this is my true ability” before killing that kid who was enslaved by Ace. However, this may also be part of something else that is going on with Fyodor, in a way that is perhaps very similar to Atsushi.

Alright. Whether you agree with that or not is up to you. To get back to the movie, there are a few interesting clues provided about Fyodor’s ability.

The first is of course Fyodor’s iconic line when his ability shows up on screen: “Crime and Punishment are close friends.” Everything he says after that point is already referring to Shibusawa again, so this is the only clue he himself is willing to offer up. If we consider that the abilities that get split from their users represent inner conflict, all he is saying here is that he apparently has no inner conflict. Does he know something else about the world? Does he just know who he is? Honestly, I don’t think we’ll get anywhere talking about Fyodor’s mental state.

Then there is the “I am Crime”, spoken by Fyodor holding the skull, and “I am Punishment”, spoken by his ability holding the apple. This one is slightly more straightforward. The ability user being the crime, and the ability the punishment. I’m not 100% sure if this is actually referring to Fyodor himself, or if it’s just about Shibusawa again. The skull (Shibusawa, an ability user) being the crime, and then the apple (covering the world with fog through Shibusawa’s ability, thus punishing ability users) being the punishment makes sense when viewed like this, but it could be that Fyodor is somehow also referring to himself during these lines.

Okay, if Fyodor is apparently not willing to open up, we can gather some more info just from what we can see instead of what we’re told. Most of what this part covers is taken from these excellent posts, but I’ll summarize it here for the sake of completion. Fyodor’s ability looks different compared to most other abilities. Most of the abilities shown in the movie have a blank face without any features, and have their gem on their forehead. The exception to that first part, interestingly enough, is Elise, Mori’s ability. This is most likely because she has physical form as an ability to begin with. Which then raises the question: does Fyodor’s ability also have a physical form outside of the fog? His ability looks identical, so that would imply some sort of clone ability. Next to this, Fyodor’s epithet is “The Conjurer”, which would be in line with him being able to create another copy of himself. (Though I should add here that the Japanese seems to just refer to him as “魔神”, which can be any type of evil spirit. However, if I’m not mistaken, the “Conjurer” should be from the official translation, but let me know if I’m mistaken on that.)

Finally, there is the position of the gem on Fyodor’s ability. Nearly all other abilities have their gem on their forehead, but for some reason Fyodor’s ability has his on his hand. The only other ability that has its gem not on its forehead is… the Byakko. I don’t have an explanation for this one, but the weirdness should be pointed out, since it’s another way in which Fyodor’s ability deviates from the others.

Next to the above, there are two other weird details I want to quickly touch upon.

First, the knives in the apples in the dish in Mukuroride, as well as the apples with a knife in them in general, as they are the theme of this movie. I believe this to be of a more metaphorical touch, so we won’t read too much into it, but it does have physical consequences that tie back to the title as well.

This exact shot is used four times throughout the movie, but with a varying amount of knives stuck in the apples. It starts with one, then two, then three. The room starts with just Dazai, then Shibusawa enters, then Fyodor. With each of them showing up, another knife appears in an apple. This is then a metaphor for these three being the instigators behind the Dead Apple incident. These knives in the apples can also be seen as their calling cards, as they were left both at the bar and at the scene of the crime where that agent was killed who was supposed to meet with Kunikida and Tanizaki.

In a later scene, it cuts again to this frame, but a knife and the skull has disappeared. These both get taken by Fyodor. The knife is used eventually to kill Shibusawa, but Shibusawa also took one of these knives to kill Dazai with. Either way, these knives that have been in these apples are used to murder, once again corroborating the connection between death and apples.

And finally, the relevance of the moon.

There are a few impressive shots of the moon in Dead Apple, where the moon is shown to be enormous, to the point where even the light novel points out how extraordinarily large it is. The novel also points out that the blue cube crystal holds a similarity to the moonlight. Just symbolism to show that it’s connected to Atsushi, or something more? The other side of the page in the main series will also only be written on the night… of the next full moon.

The Point of It All

I hear a lot of “Dead Apple doesn’t matter to the plot, just watch it for the Soukoku scenes and move on”. And while I do agree that it’s not mandatory viewing to understand the storyline that corresponds with season three onwards, I do think there is more to Dead Apple than most people give it credit for.

I always like to ask myself after reading a book or watching a movie: “Okay, so what was the point of that? What was I meant to take away from this?”

For example, in essence Stormbringer is a case study on singularities. Likewise, BEAST is a study into the limits of the Book, and all other side stories similarly have a message, however big or small.

So what does Dead Apple establish? Why bother?

I hope by now you agree that Dead Apple seems to be the introduction to explaining more as to what is so special about Atsushi. This seems to go deeper into chapter 28/29 of the manga, or season 2 episode 8 of the anime, where Atsushi also has some weird things going on with the tiger. What this exactly is, or where this seems to be going is unclear for now, but the Dead Apple definitely emphasizes Atsushi’s importance as well as the concept that there can be something more than just abilities.

In-universe, there are also reasons for this conflict to happen.

Most likely both Dazai and Fyodor knew the end result long before the conflict ever started. It’s their reunion in a way, so I suppose they are both seeing how the other’s condition is at the moment. They may even have gathered some intel somehow? It’s almost like collecting metadata, they won’t have a direct conversation about important things, but they try to collect information just by seeing how the other acts, to see if the other lies within prediction.

Aside from that, on Dazai’s side, except for foiling Fyodor’s plan and keeping Yokohama safe, the Shin Soukoku dynamic also gets strengthened, something Dazai is actively working on. On Fyodor’s side, next to giving the whole “eliminating all ability users” a good honest shot, he also gets to collect a lot of intel on the opposing side. For example, Fyodor in Dead Apple gets to see Corruption up close, which may potentially be relevant.

Finally, from a storytelling perspective, it sets up a lot for the third season, especially in character interactions and relationships, e.g. Atsushi & Akutagawa, Dazai & Chuuya, Kyouka, Fukuzawa & Mori. It should be noted that some characters literally have been intentionally regressed to make the ending make more impact. Whether that was a good decision or not is not why I’m here. You should just know that it’s intentional. You could chalk it up to Atsushi losing his ability impacting him and his behavior a lot, if you wanted to justify it somehow. The Order of the Clock Tower also gets its first anime appearance, showing Agatha Christie on screen, who will most likely play a more important role later on. Likewise, Dead Apple is the introduction to Fyodor as a villain, where you get to see him for more than just a few flashes.

Trivia and Fun Details

I suppose this section is skippable. But who doesn’t love trivia? This is by no means an exhaustive list of everything included in this movie, but rather an overview of what I personally caught, understood and thought relevant to include.

The “Dragon Head” in the Dragon Head Conflict refers to a Qilin, which are said to have similar heads to dragons. Since the conflict centered around the White Qilin, this is where that name comes from.

At some point Akutagawa and Kyouka use a mafia code to refer to a passageway. The code “0505” refers back to Atsushi’s birthday.

The symbol ᛟ found on the outfits of the Mukurotoride squad refers to inheritage, since Shibusawa inherited his own ability. More information about that here.

Dazai at some point meows at Fyodor. This is a very sassy way of telling Fyodor that he will personally eradicate all of Fyodor’s rats in Yokohama, including Fyodor himself. (The light novel calls it a “tedious” meow. Lmao.)

The music from Dead Apple seems to be recycled in season three of the anime. I’m guessing to save on budget?

Atsushi’s door that he eventually opens to unlock his hidden memories has its own music motif that shows up every time he thinks about Shibusawa, the fog or his memories associated with killing him. Try to pay attention to this, it’s really cool.

The motif of the door is also a tune that sounds a lot like the track named Dead Apple, further showing Atsushi’s relevance in his movie.

The lyrics of the soundtrack tell their own story. When the Dead Apple plot first takes off and Dazai is at bar Lupin, a song called My Prince plays telling of Snow White who is sleeping and waiting for her prince. However, it seems to be a spin on the classic, where indeed Snow White chose to knowingly bite the apple knowing it was poisoned, in much the same way as Dazai knew he was going to be poisoned in Dead Apple. Le Cheval Noir tells of how bored the singer is, and how nothing is special to them anymore. This plays during the scene where Dazai talks to Shibusawa, showing Shibusawa’s apathy towards everything. Mein Prinz, the song that plays as Dazai gets backstabbed, is nearly exactly the same song as My Prince, but now more dramatic and in German. This is a clue that Dazai saw this coming from before the Dead Apple conflict even started, and it’s now up to Chuuya again to save him. Overall, Dazai is leaning into the Snow White aesthetic hard in Dead Apple.

And finally, a list of everything the light novel insists refers to the theme of poisonous red apples: the red apples with the knives in them, apple suicide, the merged abilities producing a red sphere, the singularity that results from that in all its forms and the planet covered in red fog. If it’s red and spherical, you can just assume it should represent a deathly apple.

TD;DR

Recapped extremely briefly:

The Dragon Head Conflict introduces Shibusawa as a villain who was kept by the government but went off the rails. Shibusawa’s ability is a fog that splits ability users from their abilities. If ability users die, Shibusawa obtains their ability. Shibusawa died and inherited his own ability, also causing him to lose his memory. Therefore he wants to obtain Dazai's ability in order to gain what he feels he lacks. Dazai betrays Shibusawa together with Fyodor by combining abilities. However, Shibusawa kills Dazai first, adding Dazai's ability to the merged abilities creating a singularity. Fyodor kills Shibusawa, causing him to regain his memory of being previously killed by Atsushi. A dragon is created and defeated, and Fyodor's plan is revealed to be the covering of the entire planet in Shibusawa's fog, killing all ability users. This plan is foiled, but Atsushi is shown to have potentially another power next to his ability (the tiger). This power is possibly the ability to completely unravel abilities, and may be what makes Atsushi the guide to the Book. Mukurotoride is completely left unexplained in the movie, but there are clues given about Fyodor's ability that point away from an insta-kill ability, and more towards a clone type ability.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dead apple #dead apple #bsd analysis #bungou stray dogs analysis #posted this also on reddit but. i forgor to post it on here. whoopsie.#glad i got this all written out though #like a weight lifted from my shoulders #this is actually longer than the reddit version so rejoice! you're getting the premium version #here's to hoping it shows up in the tags! 🙏🏻#suzenanalysis

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rogueonestan · 1 year

Text

close call

summary: after a close encounter with an Infected, the only thing that calms you is the comfort of your partner.

word count: 5.4k

content warning: tlou-type violence (not too graphic), mention of guns, minor language

authors note: inspired by opening scene of this fic

masterlist | ao3

Everything had happened so quickly. One moment you were treading through the depths of the forest with Joel, trying to find a decent spot to rest before nightfall came, but the worst thing happened when you drifted away from Joel for a few moments.

A twig snapped.

It was a rookie mistake. To bring attention to yourself over something as minuscule as a tree branch breaking underneath your feet, but the simple action caused your heart to beat repeatedly against your chest.

You mentally scolded yourself for the dumb mistake you made, hoping you didn’t gather the attention of anyone nearby, or even worse, an Infected. You check over your shoulder to see if the noise got your partner’s attention, but when you see that you’re still alone, a deep sigh leaves your lips. You’re not sure if it’s relief that the loud noise hadn’t gained anyone’s attention or if no one approached you because it caused your anxiety to swell up.

Just when it seemed like the coast was clear to make your way back to Joel and forget any of this happened, to tell him you found a suitable place to crash for the night, the undeniable sound of a Clicker makes the thumping of your heart even faster and harder than it was less than a minute ago. You’ve dealt with Clickers in the past, it’s the reason why you’ve been able to survive in this hell hole of a world for nearly twenty years now, but the sound of them alone would terrify anyone. If it didn’t, the sight of them did.

Your hand instinctively reaches for the gun you have resting on your hip, but your hand just gently pats the area. Another sigh leaves your lips when you realize where your gun is- in your pack. Whenever you travel with Joel for long periods of time, you usually put your weapon away during the night because you know you would be safe with Joel’s protection. You know he would never let anything bad happen to you.

Just your luck, you forgot to put your gun back in its holster when you and Joel continued your travels in the early hours of the morning. Maybe it was because it was so early in the morning and you simply weren’t thinking straight or it was lack of sleep or it just wasn’t your day, but regardless, your gun is in your pack and the only weapon you have on you at the moment is the knife that rests on your right thigh as the clicker’s calls keep getting louder and louder as each second passes.

The simple sound of your knife clicking open is what finally sets the clicker in your direction. The only sound that could be heard from miles was the echoing of the clicker’s screech. The disturbing figure was approaching you at an inhumane rate.

Fuck.

Before you could even prepare yourself against the upcoming attack, the creature lunges itself towards you. The heavy weight easily knocks you off your feet and it feels as if all of the air is knocked out of your body when your back collides with the cool, soft grass. It was a miracle in itself that you didn’t loosen your grip on your knife (probably the first sign of luck you’ve had all day) as the horrifying face grew closer and closer towards yours. It nearly took all the energy you had left to take a calming breath.

The echoing sound of its snarl makes your ears vibrate with how loud and up close the creature was at this point. You could see the vine-like infection growing out of its mouth. The sight in itself is enough to keep you up late at night with how horrifying it looks. You’ve had a handful of encounters with Clickers before, but you’ve never been close enough to see the tiny details that litters its face and you hope to never come in contact with one this close again.

One of the Clicker’s hands grasps the arm that isn’t wielding your knife, possibly another sign that things could begin to go in your favor tonight, as your opposite hand lunges at the creature's throat. The creature on top of you lets out another blood curdling scream, the sound bouncing off of your eardrums for a second time with a pain you never wish to feel again. You let out a scream in response as the pain in your ears gets to be too much. When you glance at the creature’s throat, believing that you stabbed it in the area that would kill it with one swift movement, you find that you missed the side of its throat by mere centimeters, the stab revealing itself near its collarbone.

Of course. You missed.

The stab you managed to get in seemed to have inflicted some pain, but not enough. When the creature let out that blood curdling scream, its grasp on you loosened, just barely, but it was enough for you to shove the creature off of you with your forearm. It took all of the strength you had, but the Clicker flew a foot or two away from you. This gives you the spare moment you need to get up on one knee, preparing yourself to swing your arm in the creature’s direction but before you can lunge another attack, the sound of a gunshot echoes in the forest.

Then… silence. The sound of local birds cawing as they fly in multiple directions is the only sound that could be heard for the next few seconds as the thud of the now dead body falls only inches away from you. Your eyes instinctively close shut at the loud noise, out of fear of the whole event that was going on, but you were surprised at the sight in front of you once you had reopened your eyes: the unmoving body of the Clicker.

Hell, you were surprised you were alive.

Letting out a shaky breath, you look at your surroundings to see what the source of the clicker’s death was.

Joel.

A shaky breath leaves your lips as soon as you see him and it only takes him a few seconds before he joins you at your side.

You were half expecting Joel to scold you for the dumb mistake you made, telling how you need to be more careful and how you’re not supposed to leave his side (something he’s told you multiple times in the past), but you’re surprised by the

feather-like touches his fingertips have on the outskirts on the palm of your hand as it still tightly grasps the weapon once he kneels besides you. His fingers gently begin to grasp yours, silently encouraging you to loosen your grip you have on the blade. Without saying a word, your fingers begin to unclasp their grip until the blade simply rests in the palm of your hand. Joel doesn’t waste another second to gently take the weapon from you, slowly retracting the blade back into its rightful place so that it can’t harm anyone else before he puts it in his back pocket.

His hands cup your cheeks as his eyes scan for any life-threatening injuries you may have gotten.

“Baby, are you hurt?” He asks you.

A shaky breath leaves your lips, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. You muster enough strength to shake your head. “No, no. I’m, uh- I’m okay.” You manage to say.

“What happened?” Joel asks you, the only sign of his worry was the look in his eyes as he looks over for any injuries for the second time.

Events of what just happened from the past few minutes leave your lips faster than you can recall. You tell Joel you don’t know how it happened. You remember being by his side, telling him whatever came across your mind during the moment when he told you should probably begin to settle down for the night, when the next thing you know you’re face-to-face with a Clicker.

You didn’t mean for any of it to happen. You didn’t mean to wander off. You didn’t mean to step on that branch. You didn’t mean to get the attention from the Infected. You didn’t mean for any of it to happen.

It was all your fault it happened. A bunch of ‘I'm sorry's’ leave your lips immediately afterwards. At some point, tears run down your cheeks and onto the palms of Joel’s hands when they never stop cupping your cheeks.

The sound of his voice sounded like background noise at first, a distant sound trying to lure you out of the awful thoughts that began to circulate within your mind, but eventually the familiar sound of his deep voice helped lure you out of the dark clouds within your mind.

“Hey, it wasn’t your fault.” Joel calmly reassures you as his eyes never broke contact with yours.

“Yes, it was. It-“

“It was not your fault. You didn’t mean for any of it to happen.” It took everything within him for his exterior to be as calm and collected as he appears to be.

The sight of you only inches away from death nearly terrified him, his worst nightmare about to come true, but he can’t think about ‘what if’s.’ Not now. He has to be calm. One of you has to be.

“If I hadn’t, then…” You trail off.

“If you hadn’t then it could have found us in the middle of the night. It was a good thing that you found it. Really.” He reassures you.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive.” He promises you.

When he sees the fear in your eyes never faded for a single moment, his eyes soften, trying to ease your nerves within you. It’s worked in the past. Somehow he’s always managed to comfort you when something awful like this has happened in the past, but not this time. Rather than finding comfort in his words or his presence, your eyes wander to the corpse that lies not even a few feet away from you.

“Oh, God, I-I could’ve…” You trail off as your eyes never stop staring at the body. The nerves within you only worsen as the thought of what could have happened go through your mind.

When Joel notices what your glance is fixated on, the grasp he has on your cheekbones quickly leaves, the warm sensation of his skin quickly being replaced by the cool wind, as his arms wrap around your frame and guides your head in the crook of his neck. A vain attempt, really, a way to shield you from the horror of what is right in front of you. The familiar scent of his and the steady heartbeat of his helps with the erratic beating of your own heart.

“I’ll always be there to protect you.” He whispers in the shell of your ear. The soft words of his only helps with the growing feeling that was growing inside of you just moments ago.

In the past you would have asked for further confirmation, asking why or if he’s sure, but after

being in each other’s lives for a few years now, you know that Joel is a man of his word. He wouldn’t say something that isn’t true. You trust him with every bone in your body.

“I could’ve died.” Your body physically twitches at the realization of that, but Joel’s grip on you only tightens. A silent promise to you that he would never let anything bad happen to you. Thoughts of how you, not the Clicker, should be dead roam within your mind and the only reason you’re alive in the first place is because of Joel.

“That’s not going to happen as long as I’m around.” He promises you as silence falls over you.

Nothing else has to be said between the two of you. The feeling of you in his arms is a physical reminder to him that the safest place for you is to be in his arms. It tells him you’re still here and alive, and the thought of that alone helps with the nerves that made its way home in his bones. The feeling of your hot breath fanning against the crook of his neck only helps with the calming feeling beginning to reside within him, replacing the levels of nerves that lived within him only moments ago. The sight Clicker directly above you, so close to infecting you, was a sight enough to haunt his dreams at night. He couldn’t shake the feeling of losing you that way, not when he’s lost so many people over the years in the same exact way. He doesn’t know if he could handle losing another person, especially someone as important as you.

You were inches away from death. If he hadn’t heard you, if he hadn’t found you in time, you could’ve- no. He can’t let his mind go there. If he does, he may never come back from that state of mind. He can’t lose himself over meaningless ‘what if’s.’ The only thing that matters at the moment is that you’re here and safe.

The words ‘I’m so glad that you’re safe’ and meaningless rambles die on his lips. He wants to tell you just how relieved he is now that you’re okay, that he doesn’t know what he would do if you weren’t his life. Saying those kinds of things don’t come easily for Joel, the last time he allowed himself to be that vulnerable with someone else only ended in him being hurt, so he settles for the feeling of you in his arms.

The grasp he has on your waist only tightens while the arm he has wrapped around your shoulder gravitates down to the biceps of your arms. They’re covered in the material of your jacket, but rubbing up and down your arm helps keep his mind off of things. He rubs countless circles and random shapes to take his mind off of things. It gives him something to focus on for the time being. A soft moan leaves your lips in response and a shadow of a smile appears on Joel’s lips as he continues the action. He can feel the way your lips curl upwards in satisfaction as you bury your head impossibly deeper in the crook of his neck.

When you curl closer towards him, an inch of exposed skin reveals itself when your shirt slightly rode up. Joel didn’t waste a single second to adjust the grip he has on your waist so that his fingers can feel the warmth of your flesh. Just like he did with the grasp he has on your arm, the feeling of his fingers on your bare skin, rubbing indestinguable shapes, sends shivers down your spine. His movements seemed to be never ending, not that either of you would complain. The intimate moment didn’t have to last this long between the two of you. A simple hug, a short reassurance, would have sufficed, but intimate moments like these were rare in your relationship.

The physical embrace reminds you both everything for the time being is okay. When your body fully relaxes against his, to find full comfort in your partner’s grasp, a sigh leaves Joel’s lips.

You’re okay.

You’re safe.

He saved you.

It’s been such a long time since either of you found comfort in someone else’s arms. That tends to happen when you’re living in a world as messed up as the one you’re currently living in. It’s a great comfort to know that someone cares about him as much as he cares about them- to have his feelings reciopcrated for the first time in what seems like a lifetime ago.

The small smile on Joel’s face only grows at the thought of that. He’ll tell you someday, hopefully sometime soon, but he needs the time to figure out what to say. He wants to say the right word at the right time, but he settles for the growing warm feeling he has in his belly as he allows the feelings of pure love and adoration to run through his veins- a feeling he hasn’t felt long before the outbreak happened nearly two decades ago.

“I’ll always be there to protect you.” Joel promises you.

“And I’ll be there to protect you. You know that, right?” You ask.

“I know.”

A moment of silence fills the air, only the local ambience could be heard for miles until Joel breaks the silence. “But we should probably find some other place to spend the night. It’s not safe here.”

As much as you hate to break the short yet tender moment between the two of you, you know Joel’s right. It’s very unlikely someone else or another Infected didn’t hear the sound of the gunshot that echoed not that long ago. You probably brought even more unneeded attention to where you currently are and need to find someplace to stay until the sun rises in the morning.

A soft grunt leaves Joel’s lips when he begins to stand up from the soft grass, silently offering his hand to you. Without hesitation, you accept his grasp and allow him to pull you up from the ground. As the two of you move deeper and deeper within the forest, the feeling of Joel’s fingers firmly (yet gently at the same time, a perfect presentation of himself) intertwines with your hand, never leaving your grasp for the remainder of your walk together. The only time his grasp slightly loosens is to gently squeeze your hand, a physical reminder to himself that you’re here and safe with him.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Joel hadn’t kept you out of his sight since you found a spot to rest for the night. Even when he was preparing dinner for the two of you, every so often, he would look up to make sure you were still nearby.

Hardly anything was spoken when you were eating, mainly because neither one of you knew what to say. The most you’ve said all evening was how surprisingly good the food was or how beautiful the night sky looks, both of which Joel agreed, then nothing else was spoken. You would feel Joel’s eyes on you every so often and when you would look in his direction, his eyesight would go in the direction of the lit lantern that sits in front of you guys.

Neither of you knew what to say- you felt like you should probably apologize once again for what happened earlier on in the day and Joel wanted to say something, anything, but no words formed on the tip of his tongue. Based on the way your eyes were looking off in the distance for so long, he could tell something heavy was on your mind, but he didn’t know what to say.

Then, the silence was broken.

“Hey, is everything okay?” He asked you when he saw your eyes were now fixated on the stars littering the sky above you.

“Oh, yeah.” You answer as your eyes go from looking at the night sky, back to him, then back at the star-filled sky as you contemplate on your answer. “It’s just… it reminds me of when I was a kid. My parents would take us out camping when I was younger and it was always something I looked forward to.”

You then continue to tell him about the camping trips that seemed so normal and perhaps a bit boring (being a teenager would do that) but the normalcy of something like that is something you crave so much and you would do anything just to do something like again. Spending the night in the middle of the forest with Joel is probably the closest you’ll ever get that feeling of normalcy again.

You recall of the cliché camping activities you cherished doing with your family over the years: going swimming in the nearby lake with your sister, trying to catch the frogs near the lake with your mom but you were never able to, the hot dogs and s’mores that would be roasted on the campfire at the end of the day, and finally, finding comfort in the night sky above you as you tried to make yourself comfortable in the thinnest sleeping bag ever.

All of those things gave you a warm feeling in your stomach in the same way you felt when your mom tucked you in at night as a kid- the same way it feels as the warmth of the nearby lantern feels on your skin at this very moment.

“It’s the simplicity of it all that I miss. Just knowing I could drop everything and drive to the same spot that I spent countless summers with my parents, the familiarity of it all is what I miss the most, I think.” You admit with a soft smile.

The same expression reflects on Joel’s face as well when you admit all of this to him.

This was probably one of the stories you told him about your childhood in a long time. It was such a simple confession, one that rolled off the tip of your tongue with such ease, but seeing the way your face lit up with such a child-like joy after the awful day you had was what caused the butterflies beginning to form in the pit of his stomach. Seeing the way your nerves were beginning to lift off of your shoulders, how you were beginning to go back to your old self, helped ease Joel’s mind a bit.

“That sounds nice.” He tells you.

“It was.” You admit, the smile on your face beginning to grow larger as images of times with your parents during your childhood emerge in your mind. “Did you ever do anything like that as a kid?”

“Fishing with my dad.” He admits. “My dad would always wake me and my brother really early on random Saturday mornings and take us out to the closest lake he could find. Tommy always hated it. Waking up so early on the weekends when all he wanted to was sleep in, just to spend it with near silence with my dad for a few hours then to spend another hour or so back on the road, but those times with my father is what I miss the most. The simplicity of it.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“Oh, yeah…” He pauses. “Tommy.”

The subtle nostalgic look on his face tells you so much about his brother than words ever could. The way he spoke about him told you they had a falling out of some sort, maybe they eventually went down different paths during the pandemic at one point or even worse, his brother was killed as a result of the infection, you’re not sure. It’s not often Joel speaks of his past, so you don’t question him any further. If he wants to tell you more about his previous life, he will. If not, that’s okay with you. As long as Joel is in your life, that’s good enough for you.

Then the subject matter is dropped for the remainder of the night as the two of you reflect in the good times in your lives- you were reflecting on the happy times you spent with your family when you were a kid and Joel simply glances at your reflection as you look up at the night sky above you, thankful for having someone like you in his life.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“I wouldn’t have been there to protect you.” Joel says after you both had finished cleaning up the mess you had made from eating dinner and you were finally about to head to bed for the night. The only item remaining is the lit lantern that acts as the only light source for miles.

His words surprise you as you glance in his direction. “I’m sorry?”

“I thought I had lost you earlier.” He confesses.

“You would blame yourself if something had happened?”

“I almost wasn’t there to protect you.”

“It would've been my fault anyway, I should've been more careful. If I hadn't wandered off, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.” Before Joel could reassure you and tell you it wasn’t your fault, you continue. “I know you think it wasn’t but it was. I'm okay with that because I know you’ll always be here for me. You’ll always be there to protect me.”

“Always.” He promises.

“Besides, you’re the one I should be worried about. You’re the one that's always in danger, not me.”

“You know you don’t have to worry about me.” He reassures you.

“But I still do. I worry that every time you leave, you won’t come back. That you’ll leave the QZ one day, or a deal goes bad, and then I’ll be alone, that I won’t have anyone and that thought terrifies me.” You admit.

“I feel the same way.” He softly admits.

“You do?”

He nods his head. “Earlier today, I was so scared of losing you and I didn't know what I would do without you. The idea of life without you seemed meaningless and I-I couldn’t bear the thought of that.”

"Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I don't know. Guess if I had said it outloud, then it would’ve…”

“Would’ve seemed real.” You finish his sentence for him. He nods his head. “Oh, Joel, you mean more to me than you know.”

“I know.”

A soft smile appears on your face when his hand reaches for yours- his way of telling you how much he cares for you and how he couldn’t bear to lose you without saying anything. You know how much Joel cares for you, possibly even more than anyone else in the entire world, and the thought of that makes the smile on your face grow even larger.

“I love you." He tells you for the first time.

“I know, I love you too.” You tell him as you gently squeeze his hand. The reflection of the lamp in front of you being the only source of light and heat around you.

There were only a few moments of silence between the two of you when the sensation of a pair of warm lips resting against the top of your forehead. The action itself caught you off guard at first, but you eventually caved in, letting your body slump over as Joel’s hands gently cups the sides of your cheekbones. Tender affections like these are rare from Joel, but not uninvited. You’re always taken back whenever they occur, but you always found comfort in the simplicity of his affections.

It’s been so long since you’ve received attention and affection as gentle as Joel is giving you right now, so you’ll take any kind of physical contact you can get.

As soon as his lips come in contact with your warm skin, a soft sigh leaves his body as his eyes shut in relief. The stresses of the day finally escaping. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if something as awful as losing you were ever to happen. The last time he allowed himself to feel this way for another person, they ended up leaving, so he’s willing to do everything in his power to make sure that doesn’t happen with you. If it does, he doesn’t know if he can forgive himself. This world is cruel and unforgiving, and he’ll be damned if those he loves aren’t protected.

Surviving on your own for so long also took so much from you. You’ve managed to not suffer the level of loss as Joel has dealt with over the years, but fuck is it numbing. You’ve lost so many people over the years because of this cruel and awful world, you’ve managed the pain that comes along with the death of someone close to you. You’ve just… existed. When things seemed the darkest, that’s when the beacon of light returned in your life in the form of a man.

It took a while for Joel to trust you and you’ve never blamed him for it. If you’ve suffered half the amount of loss he's dealt with over the years, you would be the same way, but over the years, you’ve managed to gain his trust. Eventually, he’s revealed parts of himself he hasn’t shown another person since the outbreak occurred.

Working together was difficult at first. He only spoke to you only necessarily. Traveling to the location of your next job was often filled with sounds coming from around you, sounds often coming from the gravel underneath your feet or the sounds of birds chirping. Over time, the two of you began to grow closer. At first, you traveled together because going out in the open along was dangerous, suicidal even, and going out in pairs was highly advisable because there’s less of a chance you’ll end up dead.

Protecting you from danger was only part of the job at first, to make sure that neither of you got hurt as you were sent out on a job Tess recommended you both for, but those long hours spent together eventually developed into something more. You began to reveal parts of your life before the pandemic, what everyday struggles that seemed life altering really seem minuscule now. Joel usually didn’t have much to say, only letting a few comments out to let you know he’s listening as silence falls on you again, but eventually, he began to reveal parts of his past life to you as you had done to him on so many occasions. They seemed like minor things at first, but it wasn’t until one random night traveling together that it dawned on you just how vulnerable he was being, like the story he told you earlier of his dad.

“Thank you, Joel.” You tell him.

“For what?” He asks.

“Just…thank you. I don't know what I would do without you.”

“I’ll always be there for you.” Joel promises you.

After a few moments of silence, the distant sounds of crickets being only the thing that can be heard, Joel speaks again. “We should probably go to bed.” He says as he guides you to the area where you’ll be sleeping for the night.

It’s not the most comfortable area, but it’ll do. The feeling of the soft grass on your skin helps give you the minimal comfort that can be found in an area like this. The feeling of Joel’s arms wrapped around your frame helps bring the added comfort you needed in order to feel sleepy. If he hadn’t been there, you probably wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep because of the day’s events.

This isn’t the first time you’ve slept in each other’s embrace, no, you’ve done it plenty of times in the QZ in each other’s apartments, but this time it felt different. Maybe it’s from the intimate confession that was said just a few moments ago, or it’s the calming ambiance of the forest, or it’s a combination of the two, but the feeling of being wrapped in Joel’s strong arms at this very moment is the closest feeling you’ll feel in this world of falling asleep next to your significant other.

Silence lures over the pair of you. You’re about to drift off to sleep when a question pops up in your mind. Before you can try to push it to the side until morning, your mouth moves faster than your brain.

“Can I ask you something?” You ask.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you always saving me?”

“Because you’re like family to me.” He tells you as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Hearing those words bring tears to your eyes immediately because you haven’t been able to see your family since the night the outbreak began.

“You’re family to me too.” You tell him.

Then nothing else has to be said. No ‘I love you’s’ or anything like that. You both just know. You both know how much you mean to each other, how you couldn’t possibly imagine life without the other, how life would see meaningless, just having each other gives life meaning since you both nearly have lost everyone else.

“Goodnight, Joel.”

“Goodnight, baby.” He tells you as you both drift off for the night.

#my writing #tlou #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us imagine #tlou imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #hi im back from hiatus of like 5 months after i got inspo lol #lmk your thoughts #also i hope this actually shows up in the tags

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