#I just forget to reflect sometimes
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kedreeva · 5 months ago
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There are good things in this world still
Today, Bug asked for neck and face rubs by touching my hand gently with her beak.
Today, her neck feathers were indescribably soft and silky.
Today, she is sitting warm and safe and happy on my leg, sound asleep.
There are good things left in this world, however small. This is your opportunity to reblog this and share your good things with each other, or check the notes if you need a reminder.
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jazzatron9000 · 4 months ago
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APPARENTLY i started firesetter posting in december of 2023 🧍‍♂️absolutely nuts how time flies. here’s a simple piece inspired by some of my first art of them. :)
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gay--dog · 4 months ago
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ive seen the button on the left around a lot on furry websites & i decided to make my own version,, mostly just did it cause i was bored :P
my version is f2u no credit needed (as usual). and i dunno about the original, but considering i dont know; its probably either f2u or no one has ever credited the original for some reason lol
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o-sunny-day · 5 months ago
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Work In Progress things for Dear My Dear!
Clearly, I did not have a lot of the deeper lore things planned. Still on the “Dear Brother” thing.
Also Sans capitalizes Wingdings’ name at some point, that is intentional! idk why I did that it just felt right. But I changed it-
Wingdings’ face was permanently blurred out because hes dead, but then I thought mmmm, it makes more sense for that not to be the case just because NOW Sans remembers everything clearly, he can finally picture his face. That must be frustrating not being able to do that……
Oh yeah and something I forgot to mention in the final post!!! Theres the star here, but I changed it to be the sun. Because hes supposedly apologizing to just Wingdings, but hes also apologizing to Papyrus (the sun). Hes so sorry to Wingdings, he wish he could have done things differently, but hes also so sorry to Papyrus for wanting things to have been done differently. Cause if that were the case- he never would have existed. THIS IS SUCH A TOUGH SITUATION TO BE IN I DO NOT ENVY THIS MAN 😭😭😭
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Sans briefly writing in wingdings was another thing that just felt right but didn’t have a whole lot of meaning to it, this was the VERRRY first draft, I add a lot of the hidden meaning into the projects I make as I go tbh.
Them staying there and camping makes sense from a logical perspective- but symbolism wise, them leaving is pretty important because theyre MOVING ON literally doing the opposite of sleeping over and camping at their trauma 😭😭
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moe-broey · 7 months ago
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Trying to relax only to jolt up with a start like Wait. What if I fucking got the details wrong. I was just spouting shit off from memory. I've played Book 4 the most I've flipped through it a dozen times and have played it in full at least twice. It's the book that has had the MOST intense grip on me, and WHY, and for WHAT. The beginning it was ABSOLUTELY out of spite, but a seed was planted into my psyche. It has lingered ever since. It has cursed me ever since. It has completely consumed me ever since. But what if I'm Fucking Wrong and I just said the most INSANE fucking bullshit imaginable and oh god I'm gonna be killed. For NO GOOD REASON. If my information was accurate, at least I could die with honor. BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT... all of that.... FOR NOTHING???????
Anyways it went down pretty much how I remembered it, Peony and Mirabilis in particular saying "I love you" (plus "I wanna be closer to you" <- bit I forgor but DID make me go 😶 upon seeing it), Sharena simply says "Alfonse..." in kind of a ditzy way, Anna remains strong and I actually completely forgot Alfonse had dialogue through this too, actually. He's strong about it too though. To the tune of Ocean Man, Business Man....
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 9 months ago
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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rhythmic-idealist · 1 year ago
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remembering how when I asked my second boyfriend out to prom (we weren't dating at the time! prom started it) our mutual friend helped me get set up with a cardboard(?) sword to kneel and present, and a sign that says "it's dangerous to go alone. take me?" and he walks through the door and says "dammit, I was gonna ask you"
I think we still have the video somewhere
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skydrynn · 2 years ago
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Treasure is actually taller than Sad Vampire OC (tm) but Treasure spends most of their first encounter on the ground so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#so thinking abt my inability to do things in thr context of my 0cd is interesting. bc i would say my primary problem is my obsessive#compulsive behavior and inflexibility. idk if thr inflexibility is inherent to me bc its part of the reason i got stamped with aut1sm or but#its part of what maked it so hard to tell if i had 0cd or not. bc im just so fucking rigid and structured abt literally everything without#any reason. y do i have to do X thing and i cant do Y thing? idk my brain just says i cant. which kinda does align with 0cd more or just#like something compulsive. and its sorta weird bc i think im a lot more aligned with purely obsessional 0cd. so i dont do a lot of external#ritual. its more abstract. like constantly i have to work or b perfect or else i start getting intrusive thoughts. always thr same ones. and#to make them go away i have to physically suffer usually thru overworking to my mental breaking point or sometimes more direct ways#when its really bad. and then i have to keep working. and i do a lot of fucking ruminating. fucking constand catogorizing and pathological#self reflection. again i have high standards and high affinity for self punishment which is a lot to deal with. its exhausting and misery#making. and the annoying thing is that im like this for a reason. i mean it makes sense. having a learning disability plus bad short term#working memory plus some mood weirdness. ive created a structure that makes me productive but also creates so much pressure thst i cant#function at all sometimes. and whats worse is that even then even with the amount of checking i do i am still a master of fucking up the lil#things. i forgot to write my name in the autoclave list and caused problems for ppl bc i forgot when i went up there Even tho i new i needed#to. i also forgot to put thr foam cap on a liquid nitrogen tank which would have been SO FUCKING BAD if it all evaporated. so many samples#woulf have been lost bc i just fucking forgot to put it back. that was just this week. idk i just forget things like that. i left a freezer#door open in hs and we lost everything in the freezer. i also fucked up an whole experiment by not reading a schedule right. and its really#frustrating not being able to trust that youve done the right thing in the past. not to mention all the bullshit i mislabel but thats more#dys1exia realated. alas. i check and check and get anxious spikes of: FUCK DID I DO X? for a reason. but also its no fun#unrelated
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holydivers · 1 month ago
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maybe people are talking about it and i just haven't seen it but it seems weird that i haven't seen people bring up the way the constant 24/7 barrage of 200 identical crime procedurals and other pieces of media pushing not just copaganda but the specific narrative that legal rights and due process "get in the way" of justice might have had some impact on why some of the current political climate is the way it is
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coldjustness-archive · 5 months ago
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@pactheld
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obligatory cuddle drawing bc I’m still obsessed with Neve and her long-suffering frenemyship situationship with Knight-Templar Rana Savas in Tevinter Nights
#[ rana savas pactheld ] who ever would have thought that peace was possible in the quiet beneath a shield.#[ reflections ] i'm fighting rook. sometimes it feels like the city itself stabs me in the back.#pactheld. rana#pactheld#[ yes I know it's labelled before the game release but COME OOONNN LOOK AT THIS!! ]#[ first of all I've endeavored to reward myself every time I reply to Rana and causally lose my mind. ]#[ SECONDLY let us talk about how there is the height difference and clear difference in their physical builds ]#[ I didn't realize how dramatic it was until I was looking at a rana compilation the OP did ]#[ yes - I check their blog day for ranaxneve nOT THE POINT ]#[ the reason I mention it is I keep rotating their art back to the top of my likes ]#[ BECAUSE IT ALL DRIVES ME SO INSANE!! ]#[ this is one of my favorites because there's the subtle difference in the fact Rana has at LEAST 4/5 inches on Neve when when the#mage is her HEELS. ]#[ and she's more broader than Neve's scrawny behind and it's just. SO. GOOD ]#[ GOSH I CAN TALK ABOUT HOW ALL OF OP'S ART IS SO GOOD AT JUST... THEM ]#[ and with the casual wear and the difference IN those nightclothes between both of them ]#[ like this isn't just Rana Savas- here and in game- like don't forget this is KNIGHT TEMPLAR Rana Savas. ]#[ A WOMAN WHO USUALLY IS IN A FULL PLATE OF HEAVY ARMOR ]#[ *scREAMS INTO HANDS* ]#[ .... anyway. them. ]#[ and I never thought in a million YEARS I would have a Rana to write this with so I have my favorite artist who I check on daily who#makes me cRY and someone else who writes the Rana to Neve and im so nORMAL ]
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preciouslittle-bhaalbabe · 10 months ago
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I need more of Astarion being an absolute undead fucking weirdo. No more suave charming elf man NO this man forgets to breathe for prolonged periods of time and randomly gasps or croaks because he can't speak without air in his lungs. He lurks in dark corners with weird reflective eyes and doesn't move until you notice him. He's SUPER into the scent of his lover and buries his face in their neck or chest while taking in a BIG snorf. He gets very affectionate when he notices his partner is on their period or is bleeding from other causes. He doesn't make noise when approaching someone and often scares the shit out of them because he just silently shows up behind them. He's addicted to the warmth of his partner and rubs his body against them like a cat. He makes animalistic grunts and moans while he feeds. He forgets to blink and just stares at people with wide eyes while they talk. He stares at his lovers pulse point instead of looking in their eyes. He growls when displeased. Sometimes he smiles just a tad too wide. He watches his lover sleep and waits for them to wake up for them to find him just staring them down, unblinking. He's a fucking freak and I love him to bits I need more weirdo Astarion.
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dontmixpaintinyourcoffee · 4 months ago
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This one goes out to all the bitches who love some good Safehouse Era Horror. It's me, I'm bitches. I want Jon and Martin to be fucked up and eldritch but I want them to be fucked up and eldritch and loved
(Notes under the cut because I can't help myself. Heads up, I do go into some detail of how Jon gets injured so I can explain my thought process for how I designed his scars. All canon-typical and fairly clinical in tone.)
Here's how I picture Safehouse Jon!
He doesn't need glasses anymore by this point, so he should just be wearing empty frames, but I drew this before I settled on my glasses headcanons. This drawing looks better with the reflection anyways.
He hasn't gotten a haircut since before his promotion to Head Archivist. He doesn't love the weight of it on his neck, but he also uses it to fidget, and he really doesn't want to go through the whole process of cutting it. He's disliked haircuts since he was a kid (People: Bad. Small talk: Bad. Touching: Bad. Loud sounds: Bad. People talking all at once: Bad) and since his time with the Circus he's only grown more reluctant to go and get it done.
At this length his hair is naturally pretty curly but he is. Not taking care of it. I actually put a lot of effort into trying to make it look brittle and tangled (I have a lot of experience lol, my hair is quite thick and I've always hated taking care of it. Yes I am also projecting my feelings about going to a hairdressers onto him why do you ask.)
The various scars were a bit of a strange task, but anyone who has seen my takes on The Bad Kids knows I'm not averse to selective realism in my fiction. Easiest one was the neck, I always pictured Daisy making a vertical cut based on "through the voice box". The larynx is longer than it is wide, so I think Daisy would go for the method that dealt damage across the largest total surface area. Yes I am aware that I'm speaking the same way Martin does when he explains his corkscrew.
The worm scars were easy because I barely drew any. There are a few marks on his cheek, but they're just surface bites. I picture most of his encounter with Prentiss showing on his legs, particularly on the right side, with enough damage there that he starts using a cane after the incident to keep weight off his right leg. More research to be done on this particular detail.
Finally the burn on his hand from Jude. This was the weirdest one to figure out just because of the nature of the injury. How do you quantify the damage done to an epidermis by a living manifestation of sometimes-boiling wax that can heat and cool at will? I settled on it being a second-degree burn that healed supernaturally fast, containing the damage to the space Jude had direct contact with. He'd probably have some mobility issues there as well. I know there are ways to help with mobility and pain after a severe burn, but I don't know how much of it Jon would actually. Do. Like I said, definitely further research to be done on these last two.
Hey so I'm gonna ask you to stop and consider the horror of the watcher. The helplessness. The guilt. The inherent terror of being a spectator, a participant by proximity but not by action. The horror of not being able to look away, of being a bystander. Jon forgets to blink sometimes. But wouldn't it be so much worse if there were no eyelids at all? That's how I interpret the description of The Archivist being "All Eyes" :D
I love a good Many-Eyed Jon, so I whipped up my own interpretation here. I think the more he Becomes the more he starts to resemble the thing from the dreams. He has a lot more control of it in S5, but it still creeps up on him and he has to consciously go back to a human shape.
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tide-locked · 7 months ago
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i feel like people forget that sometimes characters in fic are written like that because it's a reflection of real life.
people have sex without setting boundaries. people have unprotected sex without talking about their sexual histories or producing recent sti tests. people play with kink without discussing it ahead of time or establishing a safeword. they have anal without 'enough' prep or lube—they may even prefer it like that.
and none of this is really a fantasy. it's all pretty normal. you can feel that it's inappropriately normalised, and you'd probably be right! but it is normalised: one study found that 58% of female undergraduate students on the campus studied had been choked during sex. 20% of those students said that they'd never been asked if it was ok; another 30% said they'd only sometimes been asked if they consented. fully half! (non-paywalled journal article on choking during sex here, including these numbers.) despite a rise in stis of all sorts, condom use is declining. (pdf link to the full text of this study about declining condom use in the us; aidsmap article about an australian study with similar results.)
even when people do talk about things—sex or anything else—they communicate imperfectly. 'yeah, but don't go too far' is consenting and setting a boundary, and also relying that the person you're talking to has the same metric for 'too far' that you do. for some people, 'the trash needs to go out' is a neutral, factual observation; for others, it's a request that the person they're speaking to take out the trash.
even when people understand each other perfectly, people react unpredictably to things sometimes! we behave irrationally! people laugh uncontrollably at funerals, or get angry at the straw that broke their back rather than the enormous load they were already carrying. they get scared and lash out at people trying to help them. when hurt, most people do not instinctively reach for therapy-approved grounding exercises and 'i feel' statements.
pretty much any bad choice that characters could conceivably make is a choice that people make in real life, on purpose, all the time. people do things that can have catastrophic, life-changing effects because it felt like a good idea at the time, or they're leaning into the vibe, or they just didn't think about it all that much, or an infinite number of other reasons.
fiction isn't intended as a guide on the best, safest, and most responsible ways to live your life, and fanfic isn't any different. it's not a narrative flaw to let characters do things that are messy or harmful or downright stupid—it's a reflection of what people are actually like, and not something that authors should feel they have to apologise for.
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magnus-and-the-dragon · 1 year ago
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one time the silt verses said “you can never really overreact to a parent; you’re just yelling back through the decades making up for lost time”
and i literally had to pull my ass over while driving to jot that shit down
and i’ve been thinking A Lot about my dad lately and i put on my next episode in my silt verses relisten today and, coincidentally, encountered that quote Again
and i’m just. over here Dwelling. pls don’t contact.
#it’s just sad#i’ve not been home a lot and thus not interacted with him a lot#and i’ve had like. an abnormal ratio of normal-to-pleasant interactions with him lately.#which always makes me prone to forget how awful he is 🫤#it’s just so hard when i see like#glimmers of a better person in him#the other night i passed him in the kitchen and he looked at me and said ‘it’s good to have you home. the house feels more complete#when you’re here.’ and it sounded. earnest.#and sometimes i look at him or hear him and he just seems so Tired. lonely.#and i think about how hard it must be to live in a house full of people. your literal family. who Do Not Like You#who avoid you as much as possible.#and at the same time it’s just#he alienated ALL of us. we’ve all tried so hard#i’ve s e e n it. i’ve done it!#in my bones i do not believe that he is a safe person to be around and i don’t think he Can be without significant reflection#and probably professional help. and he has no interest in that.#but it’s just sad.#to have moments where i see the kind of dad he Could have been#and i have such like#guilt? regret? over the fact that i have never actually Told Him#that i’m making the choice not to be around him and why#like i’m denying him the chance to change. or something.#and at the same time i just. do not trust him to do anything but. at best. ignore it. and at worst use it to be cruel.#i don’t know life is just sad sometimes#and i keep having dreams about yelling at him and telling him what a bad father he is and i Know that what i want is for him to acknowledge#me and the way i feel and. he never does. and every time i wake up feeling helpless and small.#and that is exactly what i hope to never receive from him again
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thebibliosphere · 7 months ago
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I’ve had an increase in rainbow aura with my migraines lately (I used to get them once a year, if that. Now, I’ve had it twice in one month) so I’ve become somewhat paranoid whenever something flashes over my vision.
Sometimes, it's just light reflecting off my phone, but it still makes me freeze up in a fear response when it happens because it usually means I’ve got about 20 minutes before I’m in agony.
Apparently, this new paranoia extends into my dreams now, too, because I was running down a long corridor, aware that there was something behind me that I needed to escape, but all of a sudden, in my dream, rainbow zigzags consumed my vision, and I stopped, dead and went, “fuck, migraine.”
That's when I became aware of James Bond/Daniel Craig standing beside me, gun drawn.
“Oh, shit. Do you need to lie down?” he asked while I stared at him.
I said, “What about the thing chasing us?”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, darling. If you need to lie down you can lie down. I’ll just kill them.”
I blinked at him for a bit, still winded from running then said, “Sure,” starting to get to my knees, ready to lie down on the cold stone floor beneath us.
“Sure?”
“Yeah. Kill ‘em. I’m just gonna...” I gestured vaguely at the floor. “Be right here, I guess.”
“You can go upstairs, you know,” he said, loading a fresh clip into his gun. “This museum has a hotel on top of it.”
“Oh good,” I said, starting to suspect this was a dream and not Daniel Craig about to murder the people chasing me because I had a migraine. “I’ll do that then.”
So I got back up and started climbing the stairs that looked an awful lot like the stairs in the Kelvin Grove Art Gallery, only to abruptly walk into Deathstroke and Nightwing doing their best to kill each other in the corridor of what was clearly a hotel based on the room service tray Nightwing was using to deflect projectiles.
They froze. I looked at them. They looked at me. “I’ve got a migraine,” I said,
“Shit, sorry,” Nightwing said, putting down his tray as both men stepped back to let me walk down the decimated corridor. “We’ll be more quiet.”
“Room 13 is open,” Deathstroke helpfully informed me.
“Is there a body in it?” I asked, now leaning against the wall, less walking along, more sliding.
“Not anymore.”
“Do you need anything?” Nightwing asked, “pain killers? Ice pack?”
I waved them off and made my way into room 13 where David Jason dressed as Detective Jack Frost looked up at me from the book he was reading on the bed.
“This is a dream,” he informed me.
“No it isn’t,” I said, despite knowing it was as I hobbled over to the bed and flopped down beside him. “And this room was supposed to be empty.”
“Open, not empty,” corrected Jack Banon who had taken David Frost’s place, dressed like young Alfie from Pennyworth as he sat beside me on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. “There’s a very distinct difference between the two. Oh, don’t look at me like that. Who do you think moved the body?”
“I need to sleep,” I said, “if I can fall asleep, the migraine might go away.”
“That's all right,” he said. “You do that. I’ll make sure no one else comes in. Oh, just one thing before you do.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out something I couldn't quite see and held it out to me. “You’ll need this.”
“What is it?” I said, my brain doing the dream thing where it refuses to read books or interpret numbers correctly. “I can’t see, what is it?”
“Oft, sorry. Can’t tell you that. More than my job’s worth.”
“You’re job...”
“Yeah.” and thats when he leaned over, stuck me with a needle and said, “Night night.”
And I woke up to the sound of @mothman-etd getting into the shower and Holly Mop wiggling under thre covers with me.
First words out of my mouth were, “What the fuck?”
And then I immediately pulled up Tumblr to write this down before I forget it because what the fuck.
Didn't wake up with a migraine though so... *knock on wood*
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