#I just love the idea of Bailey being like…’you’re just like me for real. and I know you’re mad and I know you’re hurting.’

[a-concert-just-for-me]

It’s literally almost 4 in the morning and I’m still thinking about the potential Waffle TheOwlHouse has as a plot device

[piecesofreeses]

Closer

Awsten’s boyfriend, Ash, (original male character) age regresses when he just needs to relax. Luckily, Awsten’s the best caregiver ever.

Or

In the world of “I need you closer or I need it over,” this is what happens when Awsten’s lover comes closer. 

Notes: Love you guys! If you’re interested in similar content, check out my story I’m Sorry, I Can’t Help It about little!awsten.

TW: Caregiver called “dada,” discussion of Awsten being scared of spiders

AND ON TO THE STORYYYYYY

“Awsie! Awsie!” Ash squeals, running onto the tour bus searching for his boyfriend. “Awsie, look what I found at the gift shop!” Ash keeps yelling, whipping his head around wildly looking for Awsten with an infectious smile growing across his face. 

“Hey bug!” Awsten calls from the couch. “Come show me!” Finally locating the red-haired boy, Ash throws himself over the back of the couch, flopping over into Awsten’s lap with a screech.

“Is a puppy!” Ash says, holding up a small dog stuffed animal made of soft, minky fabric with adorable floppy ears.

“They’re almost as cute as you, sweetpea! What’s their name?” Awsten asks, matching the little’s excitement. 

“His name’s Bailey,” Ash replies matter-of-factly.

Awsten laughs, “Okay then, Bailey. It’s nice to meet you! How old are you feeling?”

“No no no!” Ash erupts into a fit of giggles. You’re supposed to ask me how old I feel!”

“Oh my mistake. How silly of me,” Awsten says seriously before switching back to the goofy tone of voice he adopts when he can tell Ash is regressed. “Well then Ashy, how old are you feeling?”

“M three!” Ash responds excitedly with a slightly childish lisp that makes the number come out more like ‘free.’ It makes Awsten smile as he notices it. When his real baby voice comes out like that it usually means he’s actually let himself slip all the way. Awsten tries not to make a big deal out of it, but he loves when his boyfriend regresses around him. He not only finds it adorable, but it feels like a show of trust. He’s playing the role of a parent and Ash is letting him. Sometimes, Ash even calls him dada, but not often, as the little has a hard time not feeling guilty or embarrassed about finding comfort in the name.

Snapping himself out of his thoughts, Awsten nods thoughtfully. “Oh! You’re a big boy today!” He jokes, scooping Ash up and pulling him onto his lap. He’s so grateful Ash was finally comfortable with Awsten explaining his regression to the others on the tour. It makes everything easier, and they sometimes even have fun together. Awsten doesn't have to worry about Jawn, Otto, Geoff, or Lucas walking in and thinking something is going on, because as soon as they hear the lilt in their bandmates voice, they know Ash is just little. It’s been so fun to bring him along on the tour this time, and Awsten’s pretty sure he’s having a good time too, as evidenced by the great, big smile and bright eyes looking up at him right now. “Do you want cuddles or do you want to play with Bailey, love?”

“Wan play!” Ash yells. Awsten rolls his eyes lovingly at the younger’s terrible volume control. 

“Okay, bubba,” Awsten says, picking the boy up and setting him on the floor. They both lay down on their stomachs and Ash starts to play with Bailey. Awsten reaches to the left to pull out Ash’s box of little toys and picks a small green turtle for himself. 

“Jenny!” Ash squeals, seeing the turtle Awsten picked.

“Why don't we have a tea party?” Awsten suggests.

Just as Awsten brings up the idea, Lucas walks onto the bus with Geoff in tow. “A tea party?” Lucas says excitedly, “I sure hope I’m invited!” Ash’s eyes light up seeing some of his boyfriends – and therefore his – closest friend.

“You’re invited, Lulu! And you can comes too Effy,” Ash exclaims, looking at Awsten absolutely thrilled to have more company. 

Awsten smiles warmly at Geoff and Lucas, more grateful than anything for how they’d not only welcomed his boyfriend into their circle, but welcomed his regression and little side with open arms. They’d been absolutely perfect, and it just made Awsten even more sure that he had found his people. Listening to Ash call them ‘Lulu’ and ‘Effy’ made his heart feel like it was going to explode. 

“Should I get us some refreshments, Ashy?” Geoff asks, leaning down to the little on the floor. He gets a nod and a grin in response.

“Lulu you gotta pick a stuffy,” Ash states and Awsten shrugs at his manager. 

“You heard him!”

Digging through the basket, Lucas picks out a pink bunny named Strawberry. She’s usually his go to when he plays with little Ash. “Can I bring Strawberry again?”

“Mhm!” Ash responds, sitting up and crawling into Awsten’s lap. Awsten and Lucas make eye contact, knowing Ash is getting smaller and this may not last all that long with how sleepy they look. Awsten helps Ash get situated in his lab and wraps his arms around Ash, who has both Bailey and Jenny in his lap. 

“The tea is prepared!” Geoff calls out and walks over to them. They all laugh at Geoff’s silly accent as he passes out the ‘tea.’ The ‘tea’ is actually apple juice, because Lord knows neither Ash or Awsten would actually drink tea unless all the sugar in the bus was poured into it.

“Well this is delicious!” Awsten responds, matching Geoff’s silly voice. “Thank you for putting his in a sippy,” he adds quietly.

“Dada you’re so silly!” Ashy yells without even considering that he usually refuses to call Awsten anything other than Awsie in front of company. Lucas and Geoff smile. Awsten has talked to them both about how guilty Ash feels about calling him that. They’re both happy to see Ash more relaxed around them. He clearly makes Awsten happy and they  both deserve that. Being a caregiver seems to give Awsten a purpose he didn't have before. He takes care of himself better, because now he has Ash to take care of too, on occasion. 

“Your dada is so silly!” Geoff laughs out. “Yesterday, he saw a spider and he got so scared he squealed just like you!” 

“Dada are you scared of spiders?” Ash asks, shocked. “How are you scared of da spiders? I loves spidies!”

“I don’t know, bubs! I just don't like them very much, but I am so glad you like them!”

Lucas giggles at how far Awsten had downplayed his fear of spiders to his boyfriend. “Ashy, your dada is so scared of spiders. Sometime, you can come with me and we can go see some spidies because Awsie is a little too nervous around them,” Lucas says.

“Yes! Let's go see some spidies, Lulu!”

Lucas laughs. “Another time, but soon, Ashy!”

Awsten shudders just thinking about the creatures and tries to change the subject. “Sweetie, do you need some help with your tea?”

“Yes peas dada,” Ash says with a hint of embarrassment. 

“No problem, sweetpea! It’s a good thing Geoffy put it in your sippy,” Awsten reminds as he helps Ash lean the cup up to take a sip. “Good job, bubs,” he adds, lowering the cup and setting it down on the carpet. 

“No wait! Bailey needs some too!” Ash screeches.

Awsten flinches away from the loud noise briefly, but recovers momentarily. “Silly me! Here, hold Bailey and I will give him a sip,” Awsten suggests. As Ash holds Bailey up, Awsten pretends to let the stuffie drink out of Ash’s sippy cup. 

Lucas watches and then says, “I’m going to give Strawberry some too! She must be so thirsty!” Gently, Lucas props up the bunny against his knee and pretends to give her a drink from his glass. 

Geoff, realizing he is the only on without a stuffed animal, reaches over to the bin and picks up a blue sea horse. “Ashy, can I play with this one?”

“Uh huh! Dats Reggie,” Ashy states. “Make sure he gets tea too. Kay?”

“I will,” Geoff promises and pretends to give Reggie the seahorse a bit of his apple juice. “Does dada’s turtle need some too?”

“Jenny! Dada you forgot Jenny!”

Awsten, not entirely sure how to recover from this grave error, looks to Geoff. 

“Oh, dada didn’t forget, he was just busy holding you, Ashy,” Geoff suggests hopefully. Awsten’s face has a hilarious ‘you’re my savior’ look across it and Geoff struggles not to laugh at his friend. 

“Mmm, kay,” Ash accepts. Then, he picks up the little turtle, Jenny, and hands her to Geoff. “Give her a drink?”

“Absolutely,” Geoff says, miming letting the turtle pick the glass up and drink from it. Geoff watches as Ash’s eyes start to close and he gives Awsten a look. 

“Ashy, honey, are you sleepy?” Awsten says after noticing the obvious exhaustion painted on the little’s face. 

“Nuh uh,” Ash responds quietly, beginning to suck on his thumb. 

“Honey no. That’s dirty. Can you use your paci instead?” Awsten reminds.

Ash just curls closer into Awsten and neglects to reply. 

Lucas stifles a laugh, “I’ll get it, Awsten. In their bunk?” 

Awsten nods gratefully and pulls his little one in closer. “Lulu is getting your paci, bubba. You know we don’t put fingers in our mouths.”

Lucas walks back with the decorated blue pacifier. It has little sea creatures on it and small gems along the shield. Slowly and so very gently, Awsten pulls Ash’s thumb from their mouth and grabs the paci from Lucas, quickly pressing it into the little’s mouth. He makes the switch with practiced ease and Ash hardly stirs. “Thanks, guys. He loves you so much.”

“Of course,” “Anytime,” Geoff and Lucas respond at the same time.

“You guys can totally stay, but I am going to get into bed with him for a little while. He’s out cold, but if I let him out of my arms, he’ll definitely wake up and he really could use the sleep,” Awsten says. “If you stay, could you try to keep the volume down when you can?

“Oh yeah, of course.”

“Absolutely, man! We’ll be quiet.”

“Thanks, you two. You’re literally the best friends I could ask for.”

“We know,” Geoff jokes. “Jawn and Otto will be mad they missed the tea party.”

Lucas laughs quietly, “I think you mean Awny and Oddo.”

“Oh shut it Lulu,” Jawn quips, him and Otto walking in at the best – or worst – time. 

“Hey guys–” Awsten starts, trying not to laugh and wake the little in his lap. 

“Don’t worry, Awsten. I know. Ash is little, be quiet, they need the sleep, you're going to get in the bunk with them. Am I right?” Jawn lists with certainty.

“...Yes,” Awsten admits.

“We all know the drill now, man,” Geoff comments, snickering as he watches Awsten try to stand up while carrying Ash. “You did it! Congrats!” Geoff says sarcastically as Awsten finally gets to his feet. 

“Dude!” Awsten shushes, putting Ash into his bunk and crawling in along with him before pulling the curtain closed. A second later, he sticks an arm out reaching down to the floor to grab Bailey who’d fallen out. “Naptime, guys.”

Otto responds in a whisper, “Yeah, yeah. It’s a good thing you two are cute.”

[terristarstrike]

Your Mother And Mine

Get ready, folks! I haven't been talking about Bailey's presumed stepmother, Martha, so I think it's time to get this idea of mine off my chest, and for those who were wondering why Athene was absent from Bailynn’s life or why she would leave Bailynn on Irwin’s doorstep, I think I found a pretty big answer to that question… 

GIANT-SIZED SPOILERS AHEAD

Pink Text = Bailey

Green Text = Martha

Purple Text = Athene

Bailey had heard stories about Athene Lo-Shanta, her biological mother, a gorgeous and intelligent Jotuzon who was blessed with big purple eyes and beautiful brown hair. She was one of the smartest giants to ever live, and one who lost her life in a tragic lab accident, and left her daughter stranded on Earth. Bailey stayed up all night thinking about what happened to her mother. Whatever did happened to her? Why would she abandon her? Was there something that prevented her from being there?

Bailey quietly went down the stairs to see her stepmother Martha busy on her laptop. Martha was a no-nonsensical woman with freckled skin, green eyes with a big blonde beehive hairdo. She didn’t ask much questions to the manager of the local diner, she was a busy manager and a busy mother, but she knew that Martha knew a little something about Athene.

“Mom, did you know about this?” Bailey pulled out her Jotu-Bracelet into Martha’s view.  “What is this, sweetie?” Martha asked. “It’s my Jotu-Bracelet. Terri has one too.” 

Martha gently touched her daughter’s bracelet with feelings of strange reminiscence. “Wait.. I remember this.”

“But how?” Bailey was puzzled. “You know nothing about the Giants. You told me they were just fake, that they don’t exist. You didn’t believe in anything.” Martha tried to explain, but Bailey couldn’t hold in her frustration, her body trembling with confusion and guilt and excitement, all at once. “I was completely alone my entire life. My parents died, and my brother hates me, but now, I have this amazing girlfriend and now I just found out I’m a giant alien from another planet, and you never said anything, you didn’t even know!” “But I did!…I was just trying to be normal.” 

Martha finally spoke up, but Bailey wasn’t falling for it. She would never believe that someone as mundane as her own stepmother was trying to be normal. “Mom…. You were the most normal person I know. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Martha felt immense guilt and anxiety in her stomach. She didn’t want to face this, but one way or another, she had to confess. “Bailey, I didn’t know how to tell you this but…”

Bailey took a deep breath and brought herself back to being calm. She had enough twists and turns in her life, so she knew she was strong enough to accept another twist. “Can’t you just tell me? Can you please be real with me? Just tell me everything. I promise I won’t get upset, I won’t.”

Martha didn’t want to tell her, but if Bailey was strong enough to accept her true self, then she knew she had to speak about what really happened to Athene. “Bailey, your mother never died.”

Bailey’s eyes went wide in pure shock. In her mind, she came to a potential conclusion that her mother chose to abandon her while she was still alive, but she know that she would never be abandoned by her own mother. “So where is she now? What happened to her?”

Martha sighed, and she sat her daughter down on the sofa. “I’m gonna tell you a story that I should’ve told you earlier. Do you remember when we told you about how you ended up on our doorstep, and we took you in?” “Yeah, why?” Bailey asked…

“The truth is this. Athene fell deeply in love with your father Irwin, they were soulmates, but like you and Terrina, their worlds were very different from each other. Athene wanted to leave her old world behind to be with her one true love, so they procreated a child.” “Who was me?” “Yeah.” Martha chuckled. “The night you were born, your mom insisted that she would have you here in Westshore, with Irwin. The garage where Irwin did all his studies and building, Athene built that garage so that she could live with him. It’s the also the garage where she brought you into the world. But she knew that it would be impossible to raise a Jotuzon child in a world that won’t accept her kind. So Athene decided to disguise herself and you into humans, so that you would be familiarized with the human world, and her father gave you the name of Bailey Wilson so that you could be integrated into human society. The Jotuzons thought your mom died in a tragic lab accident, but she faked her death, so that she would finally leave El-Doe behind for a life amongst humans. She never died, in fact, I happened to know her very well. Athene Lo-Shanta was always.. me.”

Bailey went totally catatonic over hearing Martha’s words. Her body was completely shaking, and a range of emotions began to completely overwhelm her. Feelings of confusion, happiness, relief and complete shock all began to collide with each other. Then, Martha finally took off her green-tinted glasses and her beehive wig to reveal a head of beautiful brown hair flowing down to her shoulders, and began to show off an soft and emotional smile of long-lost confidence.

Bailey was so overwhelmed with joy, that she jumped off the sofa to embrace her mom with tears flowing from her eyes. For Bailey, 15 years of self-doubt and second guessing and feeling like an orphan have finally faded away, and for Athene, 15 years of hiding her own identity have finally faded away as well. “I don’t need you to show me your true form anyway, you just might end up destroying the house.” Bailey joked through her tears, but there was another question she had in mind. “So what about that story you made up about how I ended up on the doorstep on my first birthday? Was that like a total lie? Cuz I don’t need another one.” “Pretty much.” Athene shrugged with a laugh. “But I promise you, there’s no need to lie about who we are anymore. As your mother, I wanted to tell that.. I’m so sorry for everything. For hiding, lying, trying to make you normal. It’s just that the world might never accept Jotuzons like us.” “But at least now, we can try.” "I just want you to know.. I am so proud of you, Bailynn Lo-Shanta!" Bailynn beamed at the sound of her mother calling her by her true name. "And I'm proud of you, too, Mother!" Bailynn kept her birth mother wrapped up in her hug for as long as she could. Despite the two of them being in human form, the mother and daughter of the Lo-Shanta family finally felt free from hiding, and embracing the warmth of Jotuzon unity, or at least, spiritual Jotuzon unity.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Possession. By A.S. Byatt. Vintage International, 1990.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Genre: literary fiction

Part of a Series? No.

Summary: Winner of England's Booker Prize and the literary sensation of the year, Possession is an exhilarating novel of wit and romance, at once an intellectual mystery and a triumphant love story. It is the tale of a pair of young scholars researching the lives of two Victorian poets. As they uncover their letters, journals and poems, and track their movements from London to Yorkshire - from spiritualist séances to the fairy-haunted far west of Brittany - what emerges is an extraordinary counterpoint of passions and ideas.

***Full review under the cut.***

Overview: This book has been on my TBR pile for a while, and I was in the mood for something academic, so I picked it up (finally). Overall, I was struck by the "learned-ness" of this book; Byatt is clearly a very intelligent writer who knows how to write beautiful, evocative prose. I very much enjoyed the academic rigor that was put into crafting this story, and I loved the focus on poetry and its influences. While some readers might be put off by this book's density and some might feel in over their head, Possession is nevertheless a masterfully crafted work, and I look forward to discovering more from Byatt in the future.

Writing: Byatt's prose is literary in feel; it moves at a fairly slow yet deliberate pace and is full of descriptions that infuse both the modern day and the Victorian era with a kind of otherworldliness. I really liked how each chapter evoked the senses; I could almost smell Roland's apartment or the dusty books in the library. I could almost taste the rich dinners that Cropper ordered or the salty air by the ocean. It was all marvelously done, and Byatt has a real talent for manipulating language to get the effect that she wants.

I also really appreciated the intertextuality and the way Byatt juxtaposed the mid-19th century with the 1980s. All of the poems, letters, and journals felt like they were written with Victorian aesthetics and sensibilities in mind, and it must have taken a lot of research for Byatt to truly capture the voices of so many 19th century characters (as well as the academic mindset and personal passion many scholars have for their work).

I will say, though, that personally, I found certain parts of the book to drag. Don't get me wrong - I adored this novel, but it took me a long time to read because it was so dense and I wanted to fully engage with it. For this reason, I think some people won't find Possession to be their jam, but if you love academics and literary discovery, a lot of this book will appeal to you.

Plot: The basic plot of this book follows Roland - an early career academic specializing in the poetry of Victorian writer Randolph Henry Ash - as he makes a startling discovery that could upend the field of Ash scholarship. As he pursues his research, he teams up with Maude Bailey - a scholar specializing in the poetry of one of Ash's contemporaries, Christabel LaMotte. Together, they follow literary breadcrumbs that reveal a startling truth about the relationship between Ash and LaMotte, all the while avoiding those who would swipe the discovery away from them.

I really enjoyed the way this book invoked the thrill of academic discovery. Being a former literary academic myself, I could sympathize with the passion the characters had for their fields, and I got excited when the characters did whenever a new clue was unearthed. I don't want to detail to much to avoid spoilers, but I will say that I appreciated how Byatt made this mystery not just about a potential scandal, but about the impact on more academic topics, such as spiritualism, sexuality, feminism, etc. In other words, I liked that this book made me think about more than just historical gossip, and if you're interested in those things, you'll have a good time with this book.

Characters: Roland and Maude, our protagonists from 1980s England, are wonderfully complex in that they have passion for their studies yet also have personal challenges that make them feel more three dimensional. I liked that Byatt didn't romanticize academia and showed Roland struggling with things like funding and an awkward relationship with his adviser, and I liked that Maude was a strong-willed feminist scholar yet was caught up in some of her own insecurities.

Supporting 1980s characters were likewise interesting and varied. Blackadder, Roland's advisor, is grumpy and seemingly distant, but ended up surprising me by the end. Beatrice, an all-but-invisible scholar specializing in the underappreciated diaries of Ash's wife, Ellen, was sweet and it was easy to feel something (pity?) towards her. Even the more boisterous characters had their place; Cropper, an American scholar with the financial means to basically outbid anyone and acquire Ash artifacts, was irritating in his capitalist way, but not wholly unrealistic (as there are many private dealers of manuscripts and the like who act much like him). Leonora, another American academic, was loud and intrusive, yet was dead set on doing the right thing when it came down to it.

Ash and LaMotte, the two Victorian poets, also felt complex in that neither of them acted completely in ways one might expect. LaMotte started out rather shy but later became fairly assertive and powerful in her own right. Ash was surprisingly sympathetic (though could get annoying at times, centering his man pain), and his relationship with his wife, Ellen, felt like it was built on respect and adoration.

All in all, I appreciated the care Byatt took to give everyone a rich inner life, and I found it hard to be completely detached from anyone's motives or desires.

TL;DR: Possession is a captivating novel filled with the thrill of academic discovery and rigor. Reading like a love letter to Victorian poetry, this book is masterfully crafted and will surely enchant readers who enjoy rigorous, scholarly engagement with literature.

[levmada]

Since you also love the last of us (wow we love taste) were you a newer fan that played tlou1 and 2 back to back or did you play tlou1 around the time it came out, waited like 7 years just to have **spoilers** a beloved character die within one hour of the game in such a brutal way. Ill admit i was PISSED and so sad like i never cried that much over a character but then i simmered down and realized that ellie was always the center of the story not joel. And absolutely love how complicated and how it tested us and catapulted these discussions like whos in the right? Is anyone right? There’s no heros or villains it’s just people in awful and hostile environments who are used to resorting or seeing extreme violence in order to survive or to even cope.

OMGGGGGG u have no idea. joel was actually my surrogate father figure hahaha

the first game i got for ps3 was gta5, followed by the last of us. i have a CORE memory of playing the building level (after leaving the boston QZ) for the first time on the lightest difficulty shaking like crazy bc runners were so scary😭😭 (i was like 11 okay). and yeah this was 2013 when it came out

favorite game i’ve ever played. i was MYSTIFIED. my daddy issues?? cured whenever joel showed up on screen!! the scene after the david fight where joel calls ellie babygirl is an instant tearjerker for me TO THIS DAY

tlou1 is still my favorite game of all time. it’s the best. when i heard about the second one coming out (this was 2020 i think…?) i was excited but scared. this was also around the time aot season 4 was announced, and i was scared about that too bc😭😭what if the new content isn’t as good or ruins things. i tried to keep my expectations low

i think a week before it dropped, there were the leaks about joel dying. and whenever i get spoiled for anything i just gaslight myself into believing i was misremembering a joke, or it was proven to be a troll💀

brooo this is a core memory too. i was sitting on the edge of my bed playing in the dark like a foot in front of my tv and was crying just at the beginning sequence with joel singing to ellie. (happy crying)

the death scene was traumatizing and shocking at first more than anything and yeah i felt soooo betrayed😭😭but i was like ‘okay this is a rly ballsy move. JOEL? one of the most iconic characters in gaming atp? the game has to be exceptional’

ugh i can’t remember my opinions from back then. but it was easy to get on the hate train that was IN FULL FORCE back then. i remember it was so fucking sad to see the reception. ppl were saying the 10/10 reviews were paid off, laura bailey who played abby getting just BULLIED off social media with death threats. horrible times

god you’re so right. you know it’s extremely similar to aot in several ways, with tlou telling a story that holds no punches and completely reflects the complexities of actual real people, what morals are objective and subjective, how far can you take revenge before it destroys you, stuff like that. a story expertly told and a game expertly designed, also.

i’m so worked up rn lol oh god i could write an essay about the themes of tlou.

i love the last of us 2 these days lol. ofc there’s what everyone agrees with - it’s a technical marvel, the graphics are unbeatable, voice acting, sfx, the accessibility options established what should be an industry standard (i’ve seen reviews from blind gamers who enjoyed tlou2).

i love the story. it’s SO much more than ‘revenge bad’. I ARGUE that the first game was about JOEL’S revenge on humanity for taking away his only daughter, but.. i’m getting sidetracked.

it’s not perfect. some things should’ve been more deeply established or scenes reordered. that is to say it’s not tlou 1, but it’s pretty damn close to perfect for me haha!!

a highlight that’s on my mind right now is how the game is protected in a way by its politics. dina being jewish and openly bisexual, LEV A TRANS BOY AND HOW THAT WAS HANDLED BY THE GAME OH MY GOD LOML, ellie a lesbian, the gay flag and crosswalk in seattle, stuff like that. the edgy right wingers just hate the game on principle, and it being very very dear to my heart feels nice lol. ie, the way 4channers fixated on the rattler guy to hit lev in the garage door near the end.

[leclerc-s]

track 001. quien es el?

─── ❝ y ¿quién es él? ❞ ───

masterlist // next

esteban ocon can i be the first to say that i had no idea any of this was happening? fernando and i knew he was leaving, we just didn’t know where. i was not expecting otmar to react the way he did.

daniel ricciardo i think this may be the most dramatic exit and entrance in the current years of f1

mae jones the only thing to top this would be if ferrari’s golden boy announced he was leaving to redbull charles leclerc stop spreading the rumor that i’m leaving ferrari! mae jones never, it's hilarious watching the tifosi lose their shit on twitter whenever the rumor starts back up again

mick schumacher not to mention seb’s retirement

lance stroll STOP! IF WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT THEN THAT DOESNT MAKE IT REAL! charles leclerc DON’T TALK ABOUT IT! SEB ISN'T RETIRING! LET US LIVE IN DELUSION! isabella perez can’t believe paddock dad is leaving us to fend for ourselves. don’t bring it up again mick freya vettel at least you still have nando and lewis? george russell realistically, we’re all gonna die then. lance stroll we get it, he’s your dad, you’re going to see him more than us now lewis hamilton okay, forget you guys and seeing roscoe penelope trevino don’t you dare take away our roscoe privileges sebastian vettel nice to know you all love me charles leclerc is it enough to keep you from retiring? sebastian vettel no

lando norris i’m supposed to be the responsible one now?

daphne jones added two new people

daphne jones i'm begging you heathens please be nice to the new rookies and do not question how i got their numbers

max verstappen it’s because you are daphne jones bailey winters anyone remember when she did this same thing with me? just randomly put me in a groupchat with a bunch of strangers?

+1 954-397-5464 i would say i'm creeped out by someone managing to get my number so quickly but i'm more so impressed. who the hell is in this and why is fernado alonso the group picture?

+61 491 570 157 this is why you would be the first to die in a horror movie. hello esteban.

esteban ocon hello oscar, i'm assuming the other person is logan?

lando norris logan is such an american name. we get it you’re from america. rah, freedom, guns, and all that shit 🇺🇸🦅

logan sargeant i’m not the only american here? why am i being singled out?

max verstappen you seem like you fit the stereotype for americans

logan sargeant did i just get called basic by max verstappen? mae jones as long as there are no forks nearby, you shouldn't worry max verstappen oh fuck off

bailey winters oscar, does he have a tinder profile? and is there a picture of him holding a fish on there?

oscar piastri i don’t know about the tinder thing but he does have a picture of him holding a giant fish

carlos sainz what’s the saying? i rest my case?

logan sargeant i hate this already

lewis hamilton join the club mate oscar piastri i feel like it's my job to let everyone know logan just let out the most ungodly screech i've ever heard from him. my ears will never recover. arthur is currently clutching his ears in pain

freya vettel speaking of balls, isa had some to tweet what she did about mclaren

isabella perez 🤷🏻‍♀️ someone had to say it and it was gonna me isabella perez i will not tolerate any mistreatment of daniel ricciardo

pierre gasly no one was speaking of balls?

rowan todd figure of speach french fuck

daniel ricciardo talk about having a dramatic f1 entrance

lance stroll how high is this on the list from brocedes to abu dhabi 2021?

natalia ruiz i’d say right in between? lewis hamilton can we not talk about that? thanks. esteban ocon someone’s still heartbroken about his loss lewis hamilton you would be too if your best friend pulled the same shit on you. matter of fact, mick get in my car, pull the same shit on him mick schumacher please don’t involve me in this. i don’t want any part of this.

alex albon OH MY GOD! OSCAR IS DRS GUY

george russell THAT'S HIM?

oscar piastri i thought those days were behind me

isabella perez some advice for the rookies, this group never lets anything go, ever. they still bring up the smoothie inchident and that happened in 2019.

charles leclerc they still bring up the inchident and its been years

max verstappen no, it's just unfair george russell i'm leading, he want to pass alex albon he push me, i push him back esteban ocon and after he push me off the track pierre gasly it's not fair right? lando norris thank you! thank you max! isabella perez charles! what’s happened with max? natalia ruiz nothing just an inchident on the race charles leclerc i hate all of you

carlos sainz i'm going to be cupid again!

isabella perez what the hell does that mean? daniel ricciardo i believe i told you your time would come again? george russell what does that mean? max verstappen sorry, you people weren't around when the original groupchat was made. you'll never know. sebastian vettel do i get to know? daniel ricciardo of course you do.

duckling NO ONE SAID PIASTRI WAS CUTE???? HE’S THE ENEMY!

super max we didn’t notice?

honey badger didn’t you just get out of a relationship?

duckling I’M ALLOWED TO THINK PEOPLE ARE CUTE!

super max why is oscar the enemy?

duckling he’s signed with mclaren? our biggest enemy for the way they treated danny?

honey badger oh my god isabella, please let it go. it’s for the best.

duckling unless you’re coming to every single race next year, this is not fine! what am i supposed to do without my emotional support person? super max stick with oscar apparently. duckling i’m going to leave you at the next gas station i see. super max wow.

honey badger haven't you seen him around the paddock? he's been around the entire season

duckling i had a boyfriend daniel.

honey badger you could've been friends?? or was that not allowed.

duckling wow. is this what max felt earlier? super max hurts doesn't it? ducking oh yeah.

honey badger wait…WAS HE ONE OF THE CUTE PREMA BOYS YOU HAD A CRUSH ON?

duckling

super max oh my god…HE IS!

duckling

honey badger so oscar was one of them but who were the others? oliver? or was it just oscar?

duckling just oscar but oliver is pretty cute

daniel ricciardo carlos, it’s your time to shine. matchmaker sainz is back

¡leclerc-s speaks! in honor of oscar winning today’s sprint, i give you the first chapter of my oscar series. these are all being posted at random and have no specific order of posting. if you're confused about the order of events, refer to the timeline posted.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[oyasuminto]

Soft Hours, part 2! what would the LI's + Wren's reaction be if you called them at like 2 am purely because you wanted to hear their voice? - 🌸 (I also just want to say I love your writing, you give off chill older sister vibes to me n that's great :)!! )

I mean, I do have younger half-siblings, so that checks out asdfghgfds

also, i'll just do the human LIs for this, because Black Wolf and Great Hawk definitely don't have cellphones

Alex

You hear them chuckle tiredly, making a joke about how you could hear their voice all the time if you just joined them in their bed, it's so cold being all alone in their big empty room without their favorite person in the world.

They're happy to indulge you, rambling about nothing and everything, telling you stories about their childhood and their seemingly endless amount of siblings. Alex eventually falls asleep with the phone against their ear.

Avery

If Avery loves you enough, they might humor you, but that's a big might. They're a very busy person, dear, they need their sleep, as do you. You wouldn't want that pretty face of yours marred with dark circles, would you?

When you explain that you just want to hear their voice, they're a little more willing. You're really wrapped around their finger, aren't you? Anything they say is said in a deep, smoky tone, thicker than their usual 'awake' voice.

Eden

You're the only person who calls Eden, and they're such a light sleeper that the buzz of their cheap flip-phone wakes them up immediately. They grumble about how you should just stay at the cabin full time, it'd be so much more convenient.

Still, they like the idea that you're so reliant on them that you need to hear their voice. It makes them feel secure, wanted, needed, useful. You're loyal to them, you should really come home to them, and be their beloved spouse.

Kylar

They are completely ecstatic. You called them!! You want to hear their voice!! You love them so, so much!! Honestly, they might just suggest coming over to the orphanage, wouldn't it be better to have their actual voice?

Regardless, they immediately start talking non-stop—about school, about how much they love you, about their ever-growing list of baby names, and the boundless love they have for you and your future children.

Robin

It takes them a while to wake up, their voice low and groggy from the residual tiredness. Your request makes them giggle, and they point out that you could just sneak into their room to cuddle, but they can’t blame you for fearing Bailey’s wrath.

Robin tells you about their day, all the moments that they hadn’t had enough time to bring up earlier, and about the video games they’re saving up for. They don’t care about losing sleep, it’s worth it to hear you laugh.

Sydney

Let’s be real, they’re probably already awake, pouring over homework, studying for an upcoming test, or staying late at the temple to help out. They lightly chastise you for being awake, but you can hear the fluster (or smugness) in their voice.

They simply let their thoughts flow; you get to hear all about the subject they’re studying, the chores they’re doing, the latest temple gossip, Jordan telling them off for not getting enough sleep. Sometimes they’ll go quiet, focusing on the task at hand.

Whitney

You’re getting mercilessly teased for this—after getting grumbled at for waking them up so fucking early. They tell you the only way you’re gonna get what you want is phone sex. Making them cum is the least you can do.

So yes, they will let you hear their voice, but Whitney’s lazily jacking off as they talk about fucking you stupid. They’ll demand photos afterward, of your hand coated in slick or cum.

Wren

They’re in the middle of a poker game, but it’s fine, they can multitask, especially when you have such a cute reason for calling them. Aww, you really can’t sleep without the sound of their voice? Sounds like someone‘s getting attached~

Wren gives you a play-by-play of the game, relaying any entertaining comments you make, and making all their friends say hi to you. They do an impressive job of keeping up with all the conversations going on, but yours and theirs is Wren’s priority.

[holmes-cringe-compilation]

omg ty so much, the Sholmes pining was too cute! I would also love to see your take on Barok if you do decide to write for him! :)

a/n: hi anon ! first barok ask on its own heheee. i love writing him because i really do take pride in my own interpretation of him. he's so... hell yeah cool now. i hope you enjoy !!

barok pining headcanons

because of all that's gone on in his life, he doesn't believe he should be able to love anymore or he shouldn't deserve love, he was known as the grim reaper of the old bailey for the longest time and even if he was cleared of that title, the damage has been done and there's very little, even nothing that he can do to prevent scared and skittish looks at him when he walks into the city.

and when you make your way into his life, you didn't give him looks, no remarks about how he's going to 'come for you in your sleep'. instead, you were kind to him and was helpful to him. he had to double check if you were real and not just a figment of his imagination, you looked too good to be real in his eyes.

barok used to have crushes when he was younger and much more happier, he didn't know how cruel the world was and liked to fantasise about meeting the right person to grow old with in his very young years. he was a firm believer of the idea of a soulmate existed. all of that changed as he grew into his twenties and into his thirties and to where he was right now. the moment he falls for you he gets flashbacks to all of that thinking when he was a child and it makes him feel.... feelings ?!?!!!! gasp....

like sherlock, he's the master at hiding emotions and can become an emotionless barrier, but with you now becoming his friend it seemed harder to keep that facade up, even if he did successfully hold up his facade for a while.

he's not one to daydream, he's an incredibly busy man who has court cases to prosecute, crime scenes to investigate and stacks of paperwork to see to but 2 out of 3 of those things seemed to get harder to focus on. he went back to his childhood roots whilst doing paperwork and daydreamed a little about you and him being in a loving relationship together, then quickly snapped out of it when he realised he was having such thoughts.

definitely keeps trying to hide his loving emotions despite if he's grasping for thin ends, he's determined that these feelings won't burst into anything else...... right ? right-

wroooong. barok can't get over the fact that you're just..... perfect ! you're so kind towards him, you bring a smile to his face, albeit miniscule, you make his heart jump and twirl. you're a wizard and you're casting a love spell on him, he swears.

he has this huge urge to protect you from all the danger in the world. given his dangerous lifestyle he was definitely the target of harm throughout london and if you were by his side there's no doubt you'd be pulled into his mess. you noticed he always has this protective aura around him, it's cute ! it's very adorable of him, especially when he holds you close to him by the shoulders.

i think he'd be more softer around you during his pining days but would need time to whittle down into a slightly warmer man. he only warms up a tiny bit but considering how cold he is to everyone it's a huge thing for him to smile at you.

because of this and the urge to protect you, he's more likely to give you his cloak if you're cold. he loves to see you smile and happy so when you're cold or need something warm around you, he's taking off his cloak and resting it on your shoulders (after gently telling you off for not having something that could provide you warmth).

acts of kindness from barok are more like things that shelter you from harm. you spend a lot of time with barok at his manor and it gets dark, you mention that you should be going home and with a stutter and a red face barok tells you that maybe you should stay the night at his manor because it's too dangerous to go home then. it makes you feel all safe with him.

sometimes you ask if he's alright because he's never so... nice and warm to others minus you, you're the only exception. he's so blushy too and you worry if he's ill, but when you ask him what's wrong he's quick to disregard it and tell you that he's all fine and dandy.

"barok ? you seem.. off. is everything okay ?" you softly asked and tilted your head. barok had given you his cloak because you were cold and upon giving it to you he started to blush and failed to react to it in case he'd look more suspicious.

barok choked on his saliva, his eyes anxiously looking side to side before looking at your cute form in his cloak. you looked so warm and barok wanted to kiss you right then and there. you were killing him with all this concern, but he loved it. shaking his head, he stuttered out an answer, "o-of course i'm fine. do not worry about me." he pulled a weak smile and sighed out if relief when you turned to the side to face the other direction. he had a feeling that this feeling wouldn't cease to exist and he should start hatching a plan to tell you about it.

[so-writing]

Flavor of the Moment - Tyler Seguin

“I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t desperate.”

“You’re not desperate, Tyler, you’re a professional athlete who could have anyone. You’re asking me because you can control the narrative, because you know how I feel about you.”

Plot: They've been friends forever but she's always had feelings for Tyler and it comes to a head when he asks her to help him make his ex jealous.

Tyler tried to talk his way out of what you’d just accused him of but the red hue that lit up his cheeks gave him away. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Please?”

It was the only argument he had and it wasn’t an argument at all. It was a simple question and should’ve been a simple answer but you knew better.

“If we act like we’re together, if we really fucking do this, I’m going to get hurt.”

“No you’re not. I’m going to be careful.”

“So you know how I feel?”

He hesitated for a few moments before pulling his hat off his head and running a hand through his hair, “yeah, I know how you feel.”

“So you know I’m going to get hurt?”

“You’re not, because I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m asking you because I trust you.”

“Trust me with what? For what?”

“I just trust you, you care about me and I know that.”

You should’ve seen the large, bright, burning red flag waving directly in front of your face but the thought of being with Tyler was clouding your vision. You were conveniently forgetting that it wasn't real.

*

“You ready?”

“Not really,” you fussed with your earrings as you stepped into your heels, “but I’m working on it.”

“You look great.”

“Thanks, Ty. I hope I do you justice.”

“You will,” he crossed the room and pulled you into him before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “we’ll kill this.”

Despite being ‘together’ for the last month, it was the first time he showed you any physical affection. It was also the first time you were officially coming out as a couple.

Carefully curated instagram stories and vague tweets had been alluding to you being with Tyler, all perfectly planned of course, but this was it. This was your coming out party.

Tyler opened your door for you and helped you into the jeep before getting into the driver’s seat and bringing the engine to life. The drive to the venue was pretty quiet, neither of you opting to speak while music softly played through the speakers.

“She’ll be there.”

“What?”

You weren’t prepared for that. You weren’t prepared for this part of your ‘relationship’ at all. It was easy to look lovey with Tyler on Instagram and be his arm candy at events but this was something else entirely. Something you had been purposely avoiding because you were pretty damn sure you’d never measure up.

“Bailey will be there. She’s coming with a trainer. John,” you didn’t miss his jaw clench as he spoke the man’s name, “the one she cheated with.”

“That’s fine,” you did your best to steady your voice but Tyler knew better, “we’ll give them a show, yeah?”

Bailey.

She was Tyler’s ex, they had dated almost six years and he was sure she was the one. She was beautiful, intelligent, outspoken, yada, yada, yada. He loved her, really, really loved her and she completely destroyed him.

You were with him when he bought the ring, wallowing in your jealousy and sadness in secret, and you were there when he pawned it after finding out she’d been unfaithful.

He missed her and it was obvious, it always had been.

“Yeah, a good show.”

Your heart broke a little at the sadness in his voice.

“Ty, I know you can’t look at me right now but you’re okay.”

He didn’t speak but his hand crept from the gearshift to your thigh and gave it a soft squeeze, “thanks bud. Love you.”

“Love you too, Ty.”

He had no fucking idea how sincere you were, or maybe he did, but it didn’t matter much. Everything about your situation was fabricated, except your own feelings of course, but what did they matter?

*

“You’re killing it,” Tyler pressed his nose into your neck as he whispered in your ear, “she’s looking like a fucking green eyed monster.”

You hadn’t given Bailey a second thought, because you were way too wrapped up in the attention Tyler was giving you.

“That’s the point, right?”

“Absolutely.”

He rubbed his nose against yours before bringing his lips lower to finally, finally, meet yours. It was a kiss you’d been chasing for years and, despite being just a quick peck, it was exactly what you wanted.

It wasn’t until he brought her up that you started to actually take notice of Bailey.

On first glance, she looked stunning. The dress hugging her curves perfectly was black, matching her heels and complimenting her gorgeous platinum blonde hair. She was a knockout and everyone in the room, including and especially Tyler, knew it.

As soon as you were out of daze of everything Tyler Seguin, you began to take note of how often his eyes wandered her way.

“Tyler?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to dance?”

“Hm?”

You followed his gaze to Bailey and her new man grabbing drinks and tried to shake his attention away from her.

“Tyler?!”

“Yes, yeah, what?”

“Do you miss her?”

“Of course, fuck, look at her.”

It was the first time in your life that you legitimately wanted to disappear. Look at her. You’d been looking at her for years and you could absolutely acknowledge that she was a beautiful human.

She was also a cheater and a liar, and she just happened to cheat on and lie to the man that you were in love with, so look at her and fuck her.

“She’s lovely, Tyler, always has been.”

“Wait, fuck, wait,” he tried but you were quick to stop him, not willing to entertain any of his excuses for falling all over his ex while you, his ‘girlfriend,’ was right in front of him.

“It’s fine, Tyler.”

“It’s not, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine. It was absolutely nowhere near fine but this wasn’t a real relationship and Tyler was allowed to feel whatever he felt and all you could do was deal with it and feign happiness.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, Ty. Stop asking.”

*

It was almost two in the morning and you could feel your eyes drooping, but you weren’t going to even suggest leaving because this was Tyler’s event and you were the dutiful ‘girlfriend.’

“You want to get out of here?”

“So bad, I’m tired.”

“Let’s go.”

Tyler excused the both of you from the remaining guests and helped you into the passenger’s seat of his car.

“We’re going home.”

“‘Kay.”

You were in and out of sleep for the duration of the drive but you didn’t fail to notice that Tyler didn’t take you to your apartment. Instead, he pulled his jeep into his garage.

“C’mon bud, you need to sleep.”

You were far too inebriated to realize that Tyler was taking you into his house. He opted to skip the multiple guest rooms and gently placed you into his own king sized bed.

“Sleep well,” he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead before pulling the blankets up to your neck and heading downstairs to sleep on the living room couch.

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Making whipped tiktok Coffee - Easter Edition! 🐰

Date video was published: 04/11/2020 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 412

I already know this is one of my favorite videos from 2020.

0:00 - love all the cutout eggs just randomly stuck in the background. and the animal magnets still in the same...position...as they were in his birthday video

0:15 - so much hair! it’s still over a month before he cuts it though

0:34 - great sound effect use there

0:45 - of course he’s got his own twist for it!

1:07 - not interesting enough for him...gotta make it more complicated

1:26 - can’t believe he drank the same instant coffee for that many years. they’ve got a fancy coffee machine in the new house now though

1:36 - this video is not going to be relaxing

1:52 - they DO own actual measuring spoons...he just didn’t bother last time he needed one

2:06 - banana milk still does not appealing to me at all. though I’ve been told it tastes more like fake banana than real banana, which I think I would like better. someday I will try some

2:11 - “that’s satisfying to slap” ...getting a bit into it there

2:25 - really would love to know what “baking experiment” involved this white chocolate sauce (and maybe also the red velvet Baileys he uses later)...Valentine’s Day treats or cocktails? 🤔

2:43 - that is hilarious but I bet he wasn’t too upset about it, lol

2:55 - well this seems like a good idea. still...this ends up being SO MUCH caffeine and sugar. if he’s filming this at his usual evening time, I bet he did not sleep at all

3:08 - “look...Debra...we’re in lockdown I’m not a fashion week” 😂 love offended Phil

3:35 - playing the word association game with himself there hahaha

3:45 - he dropped something 5 seconds ago...WHY would he think tossing the glass was a good idea

4:00 - love the zoom in on his face after realizing how that sounded

4:09 - he’s not wrong...just generally you’re not able to actually see that

4:20 - you would think he would have learned what happens when you try to color brown things green...but no

4:33 -  the never-ending green-or-yellow DNP domestic debate. he polled instagram again on that too

4:57 - glad he didn’t leave that close up shot for long...it does not look appetizing

5:10 - “it’s looking nothing like I imagined in my head” could be the slogan for several of Phil’s videos from this era

5:19 - swearing in German. they do not have well-placed outlets in that kitchen

5:28 - eww, no...the clean-up after one of his videos must take almost as long as filming

6:16 - love the random peep commentary

6:22 - more mess...he’s regretting getting as much foam out of the bowl as possible, which he just said to do

6:41 - and then not even wiping it before picking it up

6:54 - cackling at the “my hottest moment” annotation, the slow motion, and the music 😂😂

7:13 - at least he did some mid-video clean up

7:20 - I wonder if he also did some googling to figure that out

7:33 - “artisanal...anal” Phil’s mind is always...somewhere

7:40 - again, with the annotation here. actually laughing

7:56 - his poor laptop

8:15 - yes, just what this needs...even more sugar

8:39 - finally actually looking somewhat pleasant

8:55 - he barely put any Baileys in that

9:17 - this foam does look much better than the first one...the whole thing looks much more appetizing

9:51 - he’s so excited when something works 😊

9:58 - and even more sugar!

10:20 - Phil claimed he did finish drinking that which is slightly horrifying

10:37 - the spoon just slowly sinking in as Phil gestures without paying attention 😂

11:20 - yeah this seems like too much effort before you’ve had your coffee in the morning

11:44 - the endscreen annotation on this one is great

The absolute chaos of this video. I love it so much. This is one that makes me laugh every time I watch it.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E125 (Feb. 16, 2021)

Goooood evening good evening good evening, all! I hope you’re all staying warm and safe and dry in this chilly weather. Tonight’s guests: Travis Willingham and Laura Bailey. 

We open tonight with Travis ribbing Brian for his continuous remodel of his office space. Laura demands a second introduction of herself as she wasn’t paying attention during the first one.

Travis: “You’ve gotta love Julianne Moore. She’s the only actress who can cry and show you all her teeth at the same time.” I was listening pretty closely when he said this and I’m still not sure it had any context. 

Jester thinks there’s a strong possibility at least half the party will die against the Tombtakers. Fjord doesn’t think the odds are quite that high, but it will be dangerous. Laura points out that most of the M9 are also willing to sacrifice themselves for the rest of the party, so that changes their odds as well. Travis: “The game is not a stress reliever. It is not a stress reliever. I mean, it’s fun as shit, but it is stressful!”

Laura thinks Essek will give them a better chance. Travis: “A plus-one? A powerful plus-one, but a plus-one?” Did you see his reaction when we gave him the lowdown? Let’s be real: we kinda trust Essek. I got $50 that when we come back, he’s gone.” Laura is convinced he is trustworthy & wants to lighten his soul.

Jester spent so much time trying to bring out the Molly side of Lucien that to have him then betray them sucked. She knew that trying to bring the good out of everyone they met would eventually fail, but it stung that it was the most powerful one they encountered to first betray them.

She tries to talk about finger gestures during the answer as a reference to the HBO show “Raised by Wolves,” and Brian and Travis tell her to keep digging this hole she gets herself into about fingering. Travis: “Just get off the interstate at the next exit and turn right.” Laura, of course, immediately mimes turning a hard left, and they spent the next few minutes laughing at her inability to tell right from left and that even now she still has to hold up her hands to tell left from right.

Fjord is furious that they nicked the Bag of Holding. The loss of Vess DeRogna is bad enough, but he is genuinely IRL anxious about the loss of the Cloven Crystal. Laura points out that Fjord has also explicitly talked to Lucien about the deep sea creature patron he used to follow as well. He’s terrified one of Lucien’s scimitars is suddenly going to have a big eye sticking out of it. Laura suggests they’ll just succeed, bring back the city, and wake up Uk’otoa for the heck of it.

It was really rough to go from the Gelidon fight to the Tombtaker fight, especially since the first fight sent so well. Travis felt great that he initiated the dragon fight - he knew they had a far advantage in the numbers and felt that it was an open and shut case.

Laura does boggle that if Caleb hadn’t asked for that item from the Bag of Holding, they might have slept all night before realizing it was gone. They’re both relieved that they now know so much more about how the Tombtakers fight, especially the anti-magic cone. The most anxiety-ridden part was when they were trying to run and the TTs weren’t letting them. “You know when you don’t even have squares, when Matt’s black-tableclothing it, you’re in deep shit.” Laura had no spells left - she was so worried if she dropped the polymorph she would have had nothing left.

Travis: “Thanks for healing me, babe.” Laura: “You’re welcome, baby. It was ultimately a waste, though, because we took a rest immediately and you could just spend your hit dice.” Everyone laughs at Travis’s pain. She does say it was worth it in the moment since they didn’t know if they would be able to get away.

They joke that Laura’s just wearing the Fire Resist ring on a chain around her neck/Sprinkle is wearing it now to keep it safe since she’s not attuned to it anymore. It’s pretty hilarious!

Travis hoped that the TTs were originally actively looking for more acolytes rather than just having Caleb & Beau read the book. Otis needs to die. He’s relieved they have an idea of what all their blood rites do. Laura thought the time with them was fun, but it makes her retroactively wish that she’d dropped Zoran in the lava when they had the chance. Travis wishes they’d put a chime on the door of the tower.

Laura loved the tarot card reading, since Taliesin sent her really detailed breakdowns of the cards & gave her a real deck for Christmas. Taliesin told her she did a great job afterwards which she really appreciated, since she’s not sure what she’s doing. She does wish that she knew why Lucien seemed so nervous when she was talking about rebirth.

Cosplay of the Week! @clever_comics on twitter with a lovely Veth in her snowy lavender-colored outfit and pigtails.

Travis on confessing to Jester: “It FUCKING made me crazy!” He’s never been an instigator of campaign romances in the past, but because he loves Laura and was able to connect to her on that level he felt like it was a good challenge instead. He doesn’t think he could have done it with someone he wasn’t comfortable with. It was also important to him for it to be founded on real-game moments and after real-game time had passed, and he felt it was a very natural progression. Seeing the statues rip five years from her in such a benign situation made him realize that to let the opportunity pass wouldn’t have been worth it. He wishes he’d told Vandran what he meant to Fjord as well.

Laura loves that Fjord is becoming more confident as well. The post-Gelidon smooch took Laura completely by surprise since she’s finding Jester is a little surprisingly awkward with IRL affection, and she was surprised Fjord was the confident one there. “It’s so wonderful. It’s a matter of finding a way to get comfortable with it with her away from the Tombtakers.” Travis thought it was important to continue the “go for it” mantra. He notes that he’s pretty private about his personal life IRL, so it’s been a bit of a shift. It’s slower in a way - not a “you’re my one true love” kind of thing, more of a “let’s see where this goes and act on what you can” thing.

They were all “poopin’ in their pants” to get to go to Emon. The worst part was not getting to explore outside the tower since they had to leave again immediately. Kima is so cool, and Travis was actively trying to get Kima to come with them. Everyone boggles that they got to borrow Allura’s staff.

Laura only was thinking about the item-tuned-to-the-target-plane because she’d been texting with Liam trying to iron out their spell choices. She’s so relieved that they were able to get something tuned to the Sea from Allura.

For the most part, Laura knows what spells are the most useful for Jester, but every now and then she does get caught by major component requirements that she hadn’t noted. She wants to get another chalice for Hero’s Feast before they go into the Sea.

Dani points out that a lot of their allies right now are mages (no Kashaws, no Kimas, no Grogs) and they’re heading to a bad place for mages.

Travis has a sudden brain wave about all the TTs being from the Claret Order and wonders if they should investigate that before they pursue. I don’t even remember what that order is and I feel terrible!

Fanart of the Week! It’s a beautiful card by @crovyne on twitter of the Cree counterspell.

Laura really wants Brian to shave the sides of his hair and do Viking braids in the rest. I didn’t want to say anything out loud, but Brian’s hair is really looking pretty...pandemicky.

This is Dani’s four-year-anniversary of her start for Critical Role! Awww, Dani! You’re so short in real life.

Fjord is stoked that the Star Razor is a Vestige, and more now that he knows in-character what that means. It was great to see Allura react the way she did.

Jester doesn’t think they can really go to Nicodranas - they don’t have anymore time. Even more, Jester’s avoiding going home because she doesn’t want the Ruby to see that she got aged up/hurt on her travels.

Travis honestly assumes that the TTs are spying on them 100% of the time now.

Does Jester feel better now that the crest is away from Lucien? Yes, even though it’s gone off course. She thought dropping the crest where they were was a HORRIBLE idea and was appalled so many people were suggesting it. She saw the city with her own eyes, knows the danger of what’s coming, and if they had dropped it in flight she would have dropped with it and defended it as long as she could if that’s what would have kept them from getting it.

Travis thinks that if they can negotiate with Lucien, they should try. Everyone is super worried about Caleb’s and Beau’s new eyes and are fully anticipating they’re on a clock at this point. They wonder if it’ll drive up their exhaustion, allow Lucien to force them to fight against them, maybe make them willing slaves to the mysterious voice...they need to solve it sooner rather than later. 

And that’s all for tonight! New episode this Thursday - usual time, usual place. Stay warm, friends, and is it Thursday yet?

[bailey-reaper]

TY for all of your lovely writings! Could we have some Mutual Pining with Barok and his future s/o? Perhaps they are well-acquainted, however Barok does not feel as though he is a good enough candidate for them (maybe his reputation, the scar on his face, etc.). Meanwhile his future s/o feels similarly insufficient. How would it resolve? Maybe some bonus cheesy period drama tropes? Yearning glances when the other.isnt looking? The slow hand kiss with furtive eye contact that lasts longer than it should? I love period drama tropes, they're so fun lol. I love how you've mentioned several in your work! Thank you so much!

Pride & the Prosecutor

Notes: It’s my pleasure, anon, thank you for reading what I write 💜! I can certainly give the request a shot! Period drama tropes are great!

S/O is gender neutral (they/them pronouns). Barok refers to them using petnames.

Content Warnings: if you’re allergic to cheesy tropes, beware!; fluff; vague angst

The two met at a function arranged by a mutual acquaintance. At first, their conversation had been perfectly polite but by the end of the night they found a great deal of common ground in terms of interests and worldviews. The two had parted ways on good terms.

Following several similar engagements, their sense of camaraderie grew deeper. Slowly, it became a keen, yearning affection that the two shared; yet they did so unbeknownst to one another...

Lingering glances led to pondering the quandary of what to do -- how to test the waters without spoiling the friendship or causing an embarrassment... Yet, inactivity similarly led to the fear that the longer such feelings were left unspoken the greater the risk that another might swoop in.

Barok found himself pondering this dilemma with increasing regularity when he wasn’t absorbed in his work for the Prosecutor’s Office. His downtime at home, be it in Mayfair or North Devon, was taken up with what to do.Thanks to a lifetime of studying law, he’d become rather adept at overthinking and picking apart even the smallest of details. After all, he often found the devil was in the detail.

He thought about their last meeting: the way he thought he saw their head quickly turn to look away when he cast his glance in their direction. Lord Stronghart had been detaining him with matters of business, so he’d been unable to go over and greet them. Instead, he’d tried to (in as natural a manner as possible) look over on occasion just to behold them. The more his affection grew, the more impossible it seemed to keep his eyes off them.

Did that little moment mean that they held some regard for him? Or was he overthinking this?

Perhaps they simply wanted to offer him a nod of greeting, given that he was detained at the time by the Lord Chief Justice, but had not wanted to cause a distraction. He could be misreading their intentions entirely.

But what about the time he’d kissed their hand in greeting at the weekend? Surely that moment where they held one another’s gaze for just a beat longer than was socially acceptable... that had to mean something, didn’t it?

Or, had they felt unable to say to him that he was drawing out his greeting? Given his standing as a member of the nobility and the fearsome ‘Reaper of the Old Bailey’, it wouldn’t surprise him if they felt unable to question his actions. Perhaps he was being churlish...

Why, after all, would they want to be courted by one such as him? His face was scarred, his reputation was a menacing one and he was set upon by assassins at regular intervals. He sighed with frustration, raking a hand through his unruly hair; it all felt rather hopeless...

──────≪⊰✥⊱≫───────

For their part, the object of Barok’s heart was similarly conflicted: they were deeply enamoured with him and had been for some time. The ‘Reaper’ had a presence unlike any other they’d met -- yes, he could be ‘menacing’ as other aristocrats said, but he was a wonderful conversationalist, had an excellent sense of humour and exuded a natural charm that had enchanted them right from the offset.

In truth, they were certain they’d fallen for him upon first meeting him that fateful evening.

Yet, they felt a distinct lack of confidence about their ‘right’ to court him. In terms of standing, their family was nowhere close to the van Zieks’. Surely a man of such rich and ancient pedigree would expect a spouse of equally impressive standing...?

If only they’d been born into some minor royal family or an equally noble family. Then there would be no doubt in their mind that they’d be worthy of such a charming and handsome man as Barok...

Sometimes their fanciful imagination gave them cause for hope -- had he been looking their way during that last engagement? They couldn’t bring themself to actually verify the fact, on account that it would be rude to stare, but it had filled their heart with hope to think that maybe there was something there....

Their daydreams were occupied with chances to broach the topic and whimsical ideas of how a confession might positively unfold -- but that was just dreams and thoughts of fancy. They had no idea how to go about satisfying in their mind how Barok felt about them.

Instead, they wrote in their diary about the yearning they felt for the handsome nobleman.

──────≪⊰✥⊱≫───────

“It’s been a while since we last had a chance to speak,” Barok said, his heart pounding in his chest as he approached the one who had occupied his thoughts for much of the day, “You look very well indeed,” he took their hand and kissed the back of it, lingering entirely too long as he wondered whether to simply spill his heart there and then.

He decided against the idea and released the captive hand, albeit reluctantly.

“Thank you,” a subtle blush crept over their face, “As are you.”

He chuckled, “Mmm, thank you, though I suspect you’re the only one to think so. I heard Lady Southerby murmuring to her companion that I looked ‘rather like a walking corpse’...”

“Ironic, coming from a woman in her late 80′s....”

He laughed.

“True enough, I suppose...” he smiled softly, “May I interest you in a drink?”

“Yes, please.”

Barok nodded and went to fetch them both a glass of wine; all the while his thoughts were running wild. It had been weeks, perhaps even months, since he started pining for this beautiful soul and it was impossible to think of anything else in that moment.

He returned with their drinks and resumed conversing with them.

As the night went on, they drank and talked until it seemed the event was coming to a close; both were a bit more intoxicated than usual, on account of constantly sipping their drinks while their minds distracted them with thoughts of one another.

“I... must confess,” Barok murmured, cradling his wine glass, “I had rather hoped this evening might not end...”

“Me too,” they sighed, “I would very much like time to stop so I could spend more time with you...” they paused, realising what they’d just said.

Barok blinked, “... Really?”

“.....” it seemed the wine was making them bolder, or at least more loose lipped, “... Really.”

“... You know,” Barok said, looking up at the ceiling of the impressive room where the event was being held, “We don’t necessarily need time to stop to spend more time with one another.”

They looked at him, hopeful.

“... Perhaps I could... take you out to dinner sometime? Or we could go out for drinks... or to a cafe... or ... on a date, maybe?”

“Huh?”

“... Um...” he looked at them, a blush warming his features quite visibly, given how pale he usually was, “...I... wondered if perhaps you’d like to go on a date with me,” he’d come this far -- there was nothing left to lose. To hell with keeping silent. He needed them in his life.

“I... would love nothing more.”

“Really?!” he was stunned, but delighted all the same, “Then.... it’s a date!”

“Yes... a date,” they took a moment to surreptitiously pinch themself.

Ouch.

Yes, this was real, apparently.

[dirty-urie]

McBrendon

Second Person

Brendon x Female Reader

Unspecified Era

Smut Oneshot

NC-17

3.2k Words

Warnings in order of appearance: RPF, language throughout, not pre-discussed roleplay scene, medical roleplay and language, sex

Author's Notes:

So, basically, I was re-watching Grey's Anatomy, and I was like, "What if Brendon was here?" and then this was born. I have no idea if someone who's never watched Grey's Anatomy would understand or appreciate this, but basically what I think you need to know is that Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan are sexy manwhores (in the earier seasons), and a common recurring joke in the earlier seasons of the show is putting "Mc" in front of adjectives to describe love interests. The fic is supposed to be more silly than sexy, but maybe it's sexy too, I don't really know.

"Wait, what about those two?" He asks, and you sigh exasperatedly.

"Brendon, just assume that all of the doctors on the Doctor Sex Show have slept together. That's the whole point."

He groans and slumps back in his chair, "Remind me why we have to watch this overdramatic doctor smut in the theater? The theater should be a sacred space for Disney movies or action movies with boobies and explosions, not 'ohhhh does McCreamy only like Natalie because she hooked up with Appendectomy?.'"

"It's my week on laundry duty, and whoever's folding laundry gets to watch whatever they want wherever they want. That's the rules, but you can go watch something in the living room or on your computer or on your phone if you don't like it," you offer, trying to get rid of him. You love Brendon, you love him so much, but sometimes you need to sit in the dark and fold laundry with no other noises except your soapy little doctor show.

"Fine. The men of the house are going to go watch something manly, don't bother us. Come on, Bogart!"

Brendon's little Jack Russell turns to look at you as if asking to stay, but you pat his back and send him off to go snuggle with his dad. You don't think you could handle Brendon's betrayed gasps if you let Bogart finish the episode with you. You and Penny will be fine ogling at Patrick Dempsey while file-folding Brendon's 68 pairs of gray and black sweatpants alone. Brendon kisses your cheek before he leaves. "Have fun with the boobs and explosions, babe," you tell him on his way out of the room.

"Oh, you know I will!"

•••

Two weeks later, it's your turn to fold laundry again, and you're back to watching Grey's, this time in the living room. The dogs are sitting next to you, eyes glued to the screen. Brendon's also in the room, bitching about "introducing this drivel into our home," but you're ignoring him because you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

He finally quiets down, and you appreciate the five minutes of peace. Until… "Are you unsatisfied with our sex life?" He asks out of the blue.

You're taken completely aback for a second before you scramble to pause the tv. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what? Where did this come from?" you ask him. What the fuck? Is he unsatisfied with your sex life?

"Well, we haven't had sex in weeks practically." Three days actually. It's been three days, but you don't interrupt him. "And you keep watching this sexy doctor show, so I don't know, maybe you're feeling like a bored housewife," Brendon explains.

You laugh at him, and he looks offended. "You're overthinking it, baby boy. It's just a show! Sure, the sexual tension between the entire hospital and Mark Sloan is spicy and exciting, but I'm not trying to compensate for anything lacking in my life. If anything, all that spice just translates into better sex for both of us. Okay?"

He looks very skeptical. "Hm, sure. I totally believe you."

You don't necessarily think you properly got your point across to him, but Meredith just made another bad decision, and you need to see how it pans out. "Okay, great, now go watch a manly show with Bogs in our room if you're going to keep whining."

Brendon does not, in fact, go into your room to watch a manly show on his laptop. Instead, he and Bogart start watching season 1 of Grey's Anatomy, immediately getting highly invested in the lives of the ambitious-yet-messy surgical interns. He's trying to figure out what exactly appeals to you about the show.

•••

It's his turn to fold the clothes, and he's doing it wrong, but you're resisting the urge to do it for him because you're a feminist, damnit. He's still letting you watch Grey's Anatomy because he's a doll (and you don't know this, but he's also become a bit of a fan.)

"Do you think I'm more a Mark Sloan or a Derek Shepherd?" He asks.

You scoff, "You're a George."

"I am not! I'm way sexier than George!"

"You're just jealous because I'm an Addison."

"Pshh, you're a Bailey. You wanna know how I know?" He asks.

"Fine. Tell me." You give in.

"You desperately want to correct my laundry technique."

•••

"Meet me in the on-call room in five," Brendon whispers against the back of your neck while you're drying the dishes from dinner. What is this man doing? "Meet you where?" You ask, but he's already walked away. You're not sure whether to actually wait the five minutes or just try to go find him.

You give him three minutes before going to the bedroom. You honestly don't know what you were expecting, but it wasn't Brendon laying on his side in the middle of your bed, shirtless under a white coat. He has on a pair of navy blue scrub pants that aren't particularly flattering, but they still look nice on him.

"Explain to me what's happening here, homie," you tell him.

"I'm being sexy for you! So sexy! I'm Dr. Brendon "McKinky" Urie, I'm a general surgery attending, but my real specialty is pleasure."

You visibly cringe for him. "You're a McDoofus, and your real specialty is probably malpractice."

He pouts. "Play along. Come on. Please? Be Dr. Y/N Sexy."

You roll your eyes. "Why do you get your real last name, but I'm Dr. Sexy?"

"Because we're not married in this fantasy! We're both cheating on our spouses but not in a tragic way, in a sexy way! Come on! Let yourself have fun," he pleads.

You feel yourself start to cave. "Fine, I'll play along, but I'm stopping this the minute I feel weird, okay?"

"Of course. And, babe, if you don't want to do this, you absolutely do not have to," he says, serious now.

"No, no, Brendon. I'm down for this. I think you're a total goof for doing it, but I trust you."

He brightens, "Great! Now it's time for your examination." He waggles his eyebrows, climbing off the bed and gesturing for you to take his place.

"Exam? Am I a patient? Why am I in the on-call room if I'm a patient?" You ask.

"Doctors need exams too, y'know. We're both doctors, but I don't know, you need a routine exam for like moles or something. Take your clothes off." He says, and you take a split-second to be grateful that Brendon got discovered for his musical talents and will therefore never be an actual doctor.

You stifle back your laughter and strip down to your underwear, lying on your back on top of the white sheet he put over the comforter to protect the bed from any potential messes. He stands over you next to the bed, and you're happy that you at least get to stare at his body during this little experiment. The whole "doctor" thing may not be driving you wild on its own, but your half-naked husband always will.

"Thank you for coming to this appointment, Dr. Y/N Sexy," he says. Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh, you chant in your head. "First," he says, making his voice husky, "I need to test your reflexes." Something tells you he won't be using one of those little hammers. He bends down and breathes against your neck. You shiver, and goosebumps appear on your arms. You're glad you wore your front clasp bra when he unclips it and has immediate access to your breasts. He circles around your nipple with his finger, and they harden quickly. "Mmm, good reflexes indeed. Very responsive," he purrs. "I don't think your test results are conclusive yet. You should keep going," you encourage. He rubs your scalp, and your head rolls back. You're worried that you'll start drooling.

Brendon smirks at you a little, and his smugness is slightly infuriating. Yes, you like him touching you, but that hardly proves that his weird roleplaying was a good idea. "Just like I observed, fantastic reflexes. But I now must move on to the chest exam." He rests his head on your chest, and you're beginning to suspect that this whole thing was just a ploy to touch your boobs a lot. "Is your heart rate always this fast or just when your hot coworker is touching you?"

"Normally only my husband, also named Brendon… for some reason, can get me so worked up, but now I'm thinking of leaving him for you, McCrinkly."

"It's McKinky, and your husband sounds gorgeous and super smart. You should keep him around," he says, climbing onto you and groping your breasts. "In my professional opinion, these are nice tits."

You have to bite your lip to resist the urge to laugh again. You wouldn't quite say you're aroused, but you are having fun at least. "Okay, okay, doc. Enough of the preliminary exam; I need five and a half inches, stat."

"You couldn't round up to six while we're playing!?"

"Oh, come on, you're lucky I rounded up to five and a half!"

"Rude! So rude!"

You kiss him to shut him up. "Sorry, baby, I won't bully you anymore. Now, how about a cervical exam?" You suggest, craving his thickness inside you.

That cheers him up. Brendon resumes his doctor roleplay. "First, let me complete the dermatological examination. If you could remove your undergarments, please."

You throw your bra on the floor and take off your underwear.

He admires the small amount of newly-exposed skin. "So many marks on your breasts and pubic region. Did your hot husband leave these too, or should I investigate for a skin condition?" He asks, ducking between your thighs to add some more.

"Yeah, he left them there. My sexy husband is kind of the best, but enough about him," you say.

New dark spots pop up after he finally moves his mouth from the sensitive skin of your thighs. "Oops, I think I just burst a couple of capillaries."

Well, someone did some light googling. "Do you think I'll make it?" You ask, faking drama.

"Yes, but you'll need someone to pay lots of attention to the area between your thighs."

He never mastered the art of subtly, did he? "I don't think that will be an issue. My husband will be thrilled."

"Great, that's taken care of. Shall we commence with the cervical exam then?" He asks, rolling off you to tug off his scrubs and underwear. He keeps his dumb coat on, which is more goofy than sexy without clothes underneath, but you don't tell him that. "And we can test your motor skills at the same time. Hands and knees, please."

You obey, and he moves behind you to enter you. He pushes into you quickly and hard, just like you like it. "God, there's so much blood in my, hm, um corpus cavernosum… I think," he says.

"Your what? Are you trying to cast a Harry Potter spell? because that's a whole different roleplay," You crane your neck back to see him, and your eyes widen. "Brendon, are you," you need to pause to choke back your laughter, "are you reading from a flashcard? While inside me?"

He's on his knees behind you, squinting at a white notecard. He flips the card over and reads from it, "the corpus cavernosum is, um, the main erectile tissue in the genitals. So, uh, I was trying to say that I'm hard for you."

That's it, you can't contain your laughter. You can't even bear to look at Brendon without cracking up. Tears are streaming down your face. He hisses, and you think it's because you've upset him, but you turn back to look at him, and he's biting his lip, his head tilted back.

"Are you good, B?" You ask, a little worried.

He's breathing hard. "Yeah, just your laughing caused contractions around my cock, and I was not prepared. Felt good, just unexpected." He pulls almost all the way out and then jerks back in, not quite slamming but gearing up to it.

"Faster, please. Careful still, but faster," you request.

He speeds up perfectly, finally filling you up and relieving the ache inside you. You relish each time his hips meet your body, feeling close to him, even if the position isn't as intimate as he usually likes. You suppose successful Dr. Kinky, notorious womanizer, wouldn't necessarily want to make loving, passionate eye contact with all of his conquests.

"So, Dr. Kinky-"

"No, it's doctor Urie, McKinky."

Jesus, you need a script. "So, Dr. Urie, do you have enough energy after all those lobotomies or whatever to rub a girl's clit? I bet my husband, the other Brendon, would touch me."

"Well, I would never even bother to compete with such a stellar man, but I can still try to get you off." His hands move between your thighs to touch your cunt. "Oh no, so much excess fluid here. I hope nothing's wrong." He puts a finger on your throbbing clit and feigns a sigh of relief, "Good, I've found a pulse." His touch is feather-light as he slowly strokes you. The contrast between his fast, hard thrusts and delicate strokes somehow enhances both of his actions.

"Oh, that's nice," you moan.

"You mind if I have you roll over? I still have to test your flexibility, and I'd love to do that with your legs on my shoulders."

"Fuck yeah."

He pulls out, and you get on your back; he gets you ready by situating the pillows underneath you. You rest a leg on either shoulder, and he thrusts in again. You don't want to admit it to him, but you feel like you'll need to come soon. The spikes of pleasure pulsing between your legs have been getting stronger and closer together, and now that you can see what you do to him, rather than just hearing his occasional grunts, you feel even closer to crossing that finish line.

"I'm observing some rapid contractions, Sexy. Should I note in your chart how close you are to coming all over me? Because it seems to me that you're failing your stamina and endurance evaluation," Dr. Urie teases.

You close your eyes to try to eliminate a source of the arousal, but you still feel painfully close to the edge.

Brendon inadvertently shifts a bit, and that does it. Your arousal peaks intensely, and you try to restrain your reactions on the off chance he doesn't notice. However, you're pretty sure he does notice your orgasm when his movements slow to a stop, and that's confirmed when he outright says it. "You just came," he states. It's not a question.

You nod, not bothering to deny it.

He pulls out, and you finally get to see his still-hard cock soaked with your wetness. "Well I suppose, we can run… further tests to reach a full diagnosis," he practically croons, pulling his scrub pants back on, and a wave of lust spreads from your stomach. Fine, the doctor thing is a little hot. "It's up to you though, I defer to your professional opinion."

"I think my exam is complete, actually, but I know you've been complaining of some pain in this region," you give his crotch a quick squeeze. "Do you mind stripping so I can investigate?"

He immediately takes off his coat, obviously excited, and gives it to you, so you put it on. "So, can you describe the pain?" You ask, putting a hand on his thigh.

"Kind of an ache, I guess?"

You squeeze his thigh, "And you'd say the pain is mainly here?"

"No, uh, um, to the right."

You squeeze his other thigh, "Oh, I see, right here?"

"No, not, um, my thigh."

"Sorry, I understand." You lay your hand flat on his stomach, still carefully avoiding his cock. "Your stomach must be hurting."

"Still not quite."

You clench your jaw in fake frustration. "Well, could you just show me where you need my attention, Doctor Urie?"

He shoves down his pants and grasps his leaking cock, groaning in relief when he starts to tentatively touch himself.

"Yes, very good, thank you. Would you say the ache subsides with stimulation?" You ask professionally.

Brendon nods and smirks a bit, "Yeah, you could say that."

"Well, I think you just need to achieve ejaculation," you diagnose.

"Is that, ah, covered under my insurance?" He asks cheekily, still jerking himself.

You laugh, going to dig the lubricant out, "Okay," you nudge his hand away, "leave this to the professionals." You pour the clear lube into your hand. "This may be a bit cold," you warn. He doesn't really need the lube, he's both leaking profusely and still slick from being inside you, but you want to keep up the "doctor vibes." You grasp him firmly and stroke quickly, trying to get him off as soon as you can. You kind of want to use your mouth, but you can't think of a good reason to within the roleplay. That's mostly fine, though, because you can tell he's about to come.

He comes all over your hand without warning a minute or so later. He shudders and groans, spurting twice more. You didn’t realize how worked up he was. Of course, you saw how hard he was, but to come this much from just jerking him off means he was really turned on. "Outstanding sperm production, sir," you say, crudely wiping him up with a tissue.

"Okay, no more doctor talk. My brain is too mushy," he groans.

You take off the coat and get into bed, cuddling against him. "If your brain is mushy, you probably should see a doctor."

He giggles. "So, would you do this again?"

You think for a second. "Well, I'd roleplay with you again, but you have to warn me next time. And probably not the doctor thing again. It was hot playing with you, but thinking about actual medical procedures is not my thing."

He yawns, "Noted about the warning you next time, and that's too bad. I was really looking forward to the oral exam. How big is your mouth? How's your swallow technique?" He says, half-jokingly.

"Hey, don't push it, or we're doing a prostate exam, and due to budget cuts to the hospital, we're going to be low on lubricant."

He cringes, "Point taken. I don't need a doctor roleplay; the next time I want a blowjob, I'll just ask."

You get out of bed and put on your pajamas. "Well, if it's in the next 45 minutes, your request is getting denied because Penny Lane, Bogart, and I are watching the real Grey's Anatomy in the theater while you're still too weak to complain about it. And this is a good time to tell you that my character is not actually a medical doctor. I have a PHD in film studies. I’m a fraud.”

His mouth drops open, "You're telling me that wasn't an official medical handjob?!"

"I trust that you'll get over this. Love you, babe."

He scowls but still mutters a quiet, “I love you too.”

[mermaidsneedwater]

christmas with you | epilogue

series page

tag list: @yup-indecisive-girl-cece

A Holly Jolly Christmas

3 YEARS LATER…

“I can’t believe Joey has finally brought someone home for Christmas!” Dorine cheered excitedly, bringing down the plates from the cupboard. “Oh to think, all my babies are going to be married soon…”

“Don’t worry, we’ll all always be home for Christmas though.” Tammy smiled, helping bring the plates to the table.

“How did they meet again?” You asked, coming into the kitchen and heading to the counter. Tossing the salad in the bowl, you listened for the answer to your question.

“College, but they reconnected recently.” Grace informed you.

“How sweet.” You grinned. “I’ve never seen Joey like this, he must really like her.”

“It’s definitely serious.” Grace agreed. “Joey dates around but he never brings anyone home.”

“Okay, we’re ready!” Dorine said. “Just bring the salad to the table when you’re done Y/N.”

Dorine, Tammy and Grace left the kitchen to gather the rest of the family at the dinner table.

“Joey and I laid the table.” You heard Mark announced from the other room. He walked into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and planting a kiss on your cheek. “Hi baby. How are you feeling?”

“I’m good.” You turned around to peck him, before laughing. “But you don’t have to keep asking me how I’m feeling, I’m only 12 weeks.”

“I know but I just want to make sure you’re not over exerting yourself. It’s bad for the baby!”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you handed him the salad bowl that was now tossed. “Okay, okay. Can you take this bowl to the table?”

“Of course.” He smiled, feeling very helpful. Mark took the bowl from your hands and walked away to the table.

You and Mark had agreed not to mention anything to the family until you were past the first trimester. However with Raymond and Grace offering you a drink every other hour it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hide.

Sighing, you closed the kitchen light and walked to the dining table where everyone had gathered. Upon seeing you, Mark jumped out of his seat and pulled your chair for you. Smiling, you heard Raymond tap his knife to his glass to get everyone’s attention.

“Hi everyone.” He started, smiling. “I’d like to make a little toast.”

Everyone slowly quieted down, eager to hear the speech.

“I want to thank god for the food and amazing people gathered tonight. And I want to welcome Abby, the newbie this year.” Raymond smiled. “I can’t tell you how much I love having everyone together for the holidays… so without further ado, let’s eat!”

The family cheered as they began to dig into the spread of food laid out on the table.

+++

“So Abby,” Mark spoke up. “How did my meathead brother convince you to spend Christmas with us?”

Flustered, you watched as Joey’s girlfriend looked at Mark. “Oh- uh I was just in town and he messaged to meet up and the rest is history.”

“Ah, I see.” Mark laughed. “He’s not as smooth as he thinks he is.”

Grace chuckled at her brother’s remark before turning to you. “Want some wine Y/N? I think mom just opened up a Cabernet.”

“Oh no thank you,” you declined politely. “I’m good for now.”

“Don’t give your baby brother a hard time Mark,” Tammy winked. “You’re going to scare Abby off.”

“I’m surprised she hasn’t run off already.” Mark teased.

“You’re so funny Mark.” Joey rolled his eyes. “Speaking of running off... Don’t you remember Christmas three years ago?”

You bit back a laugh as you watched Mark frown. He was rather sensitive about the situation.

“What happened?” Abby asked curiously.

“Oh you don’t know?” Tammy perked up. “It’s a Tuan family folktale.”

“What?”

“Oh please Tammy.” You laughed. “I’d hardly call it that.”

“It was pretty wild Y/N.” Grace chimed in.

You heard Kylie, Leila and Bailey from the end of the table “It’s really funny!”

“I’d call it straight out of a hallmark Christmas Movie.” Dorine laughed.

“Okay, now I really want to know. What happened three years ago?” Abby turned to Joey.

“Mom had called Mark up asking him about his Christmas plans and who he would be spending the holiday with.” Joey recounted. “At the time Mark was busy, but they cancelled his schedule. It was a fanmeet or something right?”

“A concert.” Mark corrected.

“Anyway, he panicked because he’d lied and said he was seeing someone. So he did what any normal person would do...”

“He admitted that he lied?” Abby suggested.

“Nope! He managed to convince Y/N to fly here and be his fake girlfriend for the holidays.”

“What?!” Abby’s eyes widened. She then turned to you, “is that true?”

“Unfortunately.” You looked at Mark with a small smile.

“So then what happened?” Abby turned back to Joey.

“Well then they actually started to fall for each other… which by the way no one knew. We all just saw them acting like a couple and thought it was for real.”

“Not all of us!” Tammy interjected. “I had a sneaking suspicion that something was up.”

“Yeah right Tammy.” Mark scoffed. “Nobody had any idea, that’s how great we were at acting.”

He held up a hand for you to high five which you did.

“No! Y/N, didn’t I pull you aside and tell you?” Tammy turned to you.

“You didn’t tell me that you thought we were faking it.” You replied. “Just that you thought Mark loved me.”

Mark’s eyes widened. “She did?!”

You nodded with a chuckle.

“Okay anyway can I finish the story?” Joey asked.

“Yes please continue.” Raymond spoke between bites of his food.

“So they were fake dating and then they fell in love for real? Wow…” Abby said.

“You think that’s dramatic? Then Y/N’s ex showed up at our door!” Joey narrated. “A little backtrack to the story, Y/N had only agreed to come with Mark because she’d just broken up with her fiancé.”

“Oh shit! So he showed up?” Abby said, turning to you. “Then what happened?”

“Mark let her go. He let her leave with her fiancé and told us that she had some family emergency.” He continued. “Pretty stupid if you ask me.”

“Haven’t you ever heard the saying, if you love something then you should let it free, because if it really loves you it’ll come back?” Mark asked.

“Yes. And it’s a dumb saying.” Joey replied.

Mark rolled his eyes, letting out a huff. “I just wanted Y/N to be happy and I thought that it meant being with him.”

“Whatever bro.” His younger brother laughed.

“So that was it? Y/N just left?” Abby asked her boyfriend.

“Well… I’m not too sure about the details after that.” Joey admitted.

“I’ll tell you. I dumped the jerk for the second time in the car ride to his hotel. Then I made him drop me off somewhere and I stayed at a dumpy motel until my flight.” You recounted. “I didn’t come back here because I thought your brother didn’t like me and wanted to get rid of me.”

“You thought that?” Mark asked sadly, grabbing your hand.

“What else was I supposed to think?” You laughed. “You walked me straight out of your house and into the car with him.”

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed your hand.

“So then after moping around for a few days, mom and dad asked him what had really happened and Mark had to come clean.” Joey told Abby.

“Oh wow…” Abby trailed off, thinking about the story.

“Yeah, Mark had to chase Y/N at the airport and catch her before she got on the flight back.”

“You chased her at the airport?! That’s so romantic.” Abby sighed.

“Well, it was romantic once the security guards let go of him.” You smiled. “They were really trying to drag him out of there. I was afraid they thought he was a hijacker or something.”

“I had to do whatever it took to get to you before you left.” Mark said. “Anyway it paid off didn’t it? Now we’re married and about to have a baby.”

Your eyes widened as you looked at Mark.

“Y/N IS PREGNANT?!” Dorine yelled across the table.

“Oh shit.” Mark cursed, frantic. “We weren’t really telling anyone yet since it’s so early.”

You watched as Dorine’s eyes welled with tears of happiness.

“It’s okay Mark.” You reassured him, looking around the table and smiling. “But yes, I found out a few weeks ago.”

“Oh my goodness I’m so happy!” Dorine cried. She stood up from her seat and hugged you. “This is the best Christmas present ever!”

“So that’s why you weren’t drinking.” Grace mused. “I was wondering why my wine buddy wasn’t having a glass tonight.”

You laughed at Grace, “I’m sorry, I’m going to be out of commission for the next 7 months.”

Pouting, she raised her wine glass “To Y/N and Mark. Merry Christmas!”

“To Y/N and Mark. Merry Christmas!” The table echoed back.

I hope you guys enjoyed this epilogue! I originally hadn’t planned one but I just thought this was a cute way to catch with the Tuan’s and tie the story up.

[coweggomelet]

i apparently enjoy putting down my thoughts on the off chance someone will read it and enjoy it so here’s rwby rewatch vol 3. i’m ready to be sad!!

(note: it’s long i’m sorry, i have many thoughts and i tried to narrow it down but oh boy do i think im funny)

- the SOUND DESIGN. AGAIN

- ruby you’re so precious. so sweet. so eager. so earnest. c’mere and i’ll protect you from all the bad shit that happens to you later

- hi cardboard cutout tai

- i keep getting an ad for a rooster teeth show called camp betrayal and the way this man says “hoo hoo hoo” will haunt me for the rest of time

- oh shit the fact that it’s called amity has such insane implications for what it’s used for later. jesus.

- “bffs!” “No.” “…/yessss/” love them

- yeet the yang

- god ruby’s admiration of emerald is so sad in retrospect like… oh boy ruby you’re in for it

- PYRRHAAAAA I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME

- “even if you know how a story ends, that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch” wow cinder are you psychic

- ummmm they’re having a talk can you please respect their privacy

- thor whomst??? i only know nora valkyrie

- BROODY MAN

- hiiiii gavin

- so much mid battle banter. in the middle of a big important fight they just have to make jokes and argue. i love teenagers

- SILENCE YOU BOOB

- awww winter you’re a disaster and you’re horribly emotionally repressed because of your bitch ass dad but jesus christ you care about your little sister and you wanna know she’s doing okay and i’m emotional about it

- PENNYYYYY my love just keep being you

- jeez i forgot how early on ironwood was talking his shit about being “someone who will act”, the “only person” who will do what needs to be done, as if his course of action is what needs to be done

- every single person who underestimates emerald and mercury gets so fucked up. like so many people look at these youngerish teenagers with some funny one liners and banter and go “oh they seem capable and they’re confident and funny so i like em but i can take em” and then absolutely get the shit kicked out of them. and i think that’s why they’ve been so successful, cause nobody takes them seriously enough to consider them a threat.

- see this is why i love rwby. coco just turned her handbag into a gatling gun and cut down a field of grass with it

- god the way they hint at emerald’s semblance before fully showing what it is. *chef’s kiss*

- winter marry me

- we love an uncle who absolutely destroys his nieces at video games

- “they do and they’re called silver!” ruby i love you

- top heavy. heheh

- this dude’s weapon is a trumpet!! she’s got glowing nunchucks!! i love this show!!

- this battle music is AMAZING what the FUCK they’re fighting to JAZZ

- cinder if you keep having vague ominous dialogue people are gonna get the wrong idea

- oh yeah great idea asking a child to take on immense power which sends her into a stressed out panicky spiral and alienates her from the people she finally feels legitimately connected to and for once didn’t feel alienated from

- oh fuck. oh fuck the finals. oh god. oh no.

- she’s so happy. she’s so ready to have a good fight. i’m gonna cry

- FUCK

- and with one moment, the entire show flipped on its head

- god when i watched that the first time i fuckin freaked. i was not prepared man. i was warned. but i was not prepared for this much of a fucking tone change man. that quickly. like tone changes (in my experience) normally happen gradually, but this one happened in, what? 30 seconds?

- fuck

- god this is so bad

- and it GETS WORSE i can’t do this

- love that we can see yang’s distraught eyebrows through her bangs

- after this episode was the first time my friend asked me “how we doing buddy?” and i’ve only wanted to kill her more since then

- oh god emerald’s backstory. this poor child. she was so alone and cinder was there and said i can give you a place i can give you a purpose i can give you security and emerald latched on so hard.

- hiiiii laura bailey i wish you had more than a lil baby line and some sounds of effort

- god that little anklet

- god what a fuckin backstory episode man. backstory? evil plan explanation? idk but it was good

- great parent move. telling your kid you’ll only save them once.

- jaune you sweet good boy. what a good boy. i love him

- god this poor child. she doesn’t deserve this. FUCK i’m so sad. is that the last conversation they have?

- oooooh shit this song is so good. what the fuck i have chills it’s so fitting

- god everyone else is so happy and excited and then there’s ruby who is one of the very few people who knows how bad a fight between penny and pyrrha could be and pyrrha who’s got to decide if she wants someone else’s aura smushed with hers, which could turn her into a different person. FUCK

- peeeennyyyyy “salutations!! it’s an honor to meet you!” it huuuurts

- it makes me so sad but damn was this a good diabolical plan

- god im so sad. penny is so good. and pyrrha’s fuckin eyes. and ruby just collapsing. jesus christ. it’s all fuckin falling apart

- oh fuck here we go. those klaxons are so terrifying

- it makes me so happy that torchwick gets rescued and then like maybe a couple episodes later just gets swallowed

- the fuckin adam fight is coming up too. jesus. really piling on here

- RUBY IS USING ONE OF PENNY’S SWORDS IM GONNA CRYYY

- and she doesn’t even hesitate to save pyrrha

- the one and only time (to my memory) that ironwood is gentle is when he says no one would blame the students if they left. that might be the last time he actually remembers that they’re all teenagers and feels sympathy for these children with all this pressure on them

- oh yeah the big boy

- the first time i watched this i was LOSING MY MIND this whole time. like yang attacked mercury and from then on man. just freaking out.

- eurgh grimm juice

- c’mon blake you got this. i mean. technically you don’t. the fight goes poorly. but you fuckin try and you’re so brave about it and i love youuu

- shut the FUCK up adam you GROOMED her you ASSHOLE

- aahhhh i love velvet!!! her semblance and her whole fighting style is so goddamn cool and has such interesting implications for using weapons and powers of people who are dead

- OH SHIT SHE DOES SUMMON HERE DOESNT SHE. partly but still

- get fucked, torchwick. GET FUCKED. get fuckin chomped

- a backhanded slap feels so much more violent than any fighting with weapons

- uh oh evil katniss

- god. the fucking blood splatter turning the whole shot red. just their silhouettes. the slow motion. the arm slowly separating.

- my friend was also a big fan of “how we feeling?”

- bad. the answer is bad you fuckin sadist

- oz is… a lot of things, and one of them is a goddamn good fighter

- oh god oh noooo she’s gonna kiss & yeet AWWWW FUCK this is heartbreaking

- pyrrha i love you

- if i don’t look it’s not real

- oh pyrrha my love

- awww hey tai. what a good dad. love tai

- i’m so sad. everyone’s so sad. and then salem just has to do an ominous lil monologue where she lays out her whole plan to divide them and makes a fuckin semblance pun. she’s such a good villain

- jacque you stiff bitch

- they’re all fuckin scattered and depressed

- love team rnjr tho

- there she is. god what an ending

[callioope]

Thoughts on Critical Role Campaign 2 Episode 133 below the cut!

Post-Battle Capeleb Scene

Me to spouse as I was pressing play: “I apologize ahead of time for any squealing this episode may cause.”

Cut to Capeleb picking up Essek after the battle! All King Kong style!!! Shoving him in front of the two clerics like “Heal him!!!” ahhhh that definitely got a squeal ... incidentally just as my husband was starting a call... oops. 

Bonus: Caduceus being like “dude I wanna heal you too”

Bonus 2: everyone like “Caleb you can put him down” Caleb: nO *puts Essek on his back* i mean caleb knows better than anyone you gotta protect the squishy wizard

Bonus 3!: Jester’s comment about “He doesn’t think clearly when he’s an animal.” and Essek’s “Evidently!” lol 

Let the Cleric Rest!

Okay earlier in the episode, when Laura was insistent on “guys we need to start our long rest ASAP,” I felt that in my bones. I play a cleric in the Tomb of Annihilation campaign I’m in, and we spent 3 or 4 sessions stuck in a dungeon filled with poison gas where we took 1d6 poison damage every hour. So no long rests there. Top that off with the fact that we’ve been in the Chultan jungle even longer, and we don’t get long rests unless we can find and secure a very safe location, and the pain of being a spellcaster and not getting a long rest is REAL.

And then no one was acknowledging her at first! Yeah later Fjord and Beau were like “yeah yeah we agree” but she had to say it so many times!!! And I kept shouting at my screen “listen to Laura Bailey!!!” thinking “my dudes you can do ALL of this talking and planning while you rest pleeeeze get that rest it” because I play a cleric too and running out of a spells is a thing.

Of course, having finished the episode/in hindsight, I’m actually not sure if the even had a full 8 hours from the moment Jester finished her Commune with Artagan to the moment the Tomb Takers arrived, but still. I feel so bad for Laura right now knowing she only has ONE SPELL SLOT left and they’re going up against the Lucien and Cree. She’s clever so I’m sure she’ll think of something but that just is a really sucky feeling going into any battle knowing you don’t have a lot of slots left, let alone The Super Scary Big Battle ahead. soo. yeah. Gonna be worrying about that all week through the end of the next episode. 

Also side note but jeez poor Laura rolling two one’s on that Heroes Feast. She needs to cleanse her dice or buy new ones altogether. she has the WORST luck with rolls.

TOWER TALK & TOUR!!!!!

IT!!! FINALY!!! HAPPENED!!!! I have been longing for Essek to see the Tower since episode 124 if not longer and at last! It was wonderful. AND CALEB SHOWED HIM THE NINTH FLOOR!!! amazing. fantastic. and what a talk. what a talk. ughh yes. they didn’t really have much time in the Tower outside of the Heroes Feast and the long rest but i’m sooooo glad Caleb got the chance to give the tour and they could talk. YAY!

Pursuing Lucien & Cree

Does anyone have any ideas of what they can do here? UGHH i wanna speculate on the best strategy for them (just because I find it to be a fun thought exercise). Like digging through the collapsed tunnel might take too long? Although we have no idea how long Lucien and Cree need. Hopefully the lack of the rest of the 3 Tomb Takers slows them down somewhat but who even knows at this point. I’ve been wondering if there are any teleportation spells that might work -- but Essek’s teleport is way too high to risk in Aeor right? Wonder if there’s any spells to magically clear the rubble? I’m stumped on this one. Super excited to see what they do but in the meantime while I have to wait would love to ponder this puzzle.

Fjord & the Rangers

not super wanting to like dive into intense discourse about this but like. I did have thoughts so here goes. I don’t blame Fjord for making the decision that he did, he had to make a spilt second decision and it seemed very in character for him to choose what he did. It did seem like he was trying to stall to help his party members get more rest, and it makes sense that he’d want to do that, BUT. here’s the thing. Battles in DND only take a minute or so TOPS. There’ s no way the battle itself would slow down the TT. If you’re hoping to delay the TT, you gotta hope the rangers can do enough damage to force them to at least take a short rest if not a long one. That’d only give an hour and that’s still not enough for the long rest the M9 need. 

ALL THAT SAID!!! I think there’s a very good chance that whatever that battle did helped lower the TT’s HP enough so that the traps the M9 laid could finish off the three members it did. So I don’t think it was in vain. Worth it as a delay tactic? Ehh not really. Worth it to hurt the TT? Yes.

And while I do think that Fjord and Essek knew the chances were high they were sending the rangers to their Doom (a) I think the rangers being here in Aeor know that’s an everyday possibility to begin with, and (b) I still think there’s a chance they might have been able to survive/flee. Maybe the TT decided to push past them and fled from the skirmish themselves? Yes it’s possible everyone (including Dagen T_T) fell during that battle, but I don’t think that’s set in stone. 

Also I don’t think the TT would think it’s weird to come across the rangers, they likely already knew they were there. And another thing -- even if they were like “Hmm rangers coincidentally by the entrance we were going to use?” Look they know the M9 became unscryable AND were trying to stop them. I honestly think the TT knew to be on the lookout for TM9 no matter what. And in hindsight -- which obvs Fjord did not have but we know now -- Lucien way underestimated them bc hey, despite everything, the trap still worked. Like, very much of what the M9 was trying to do during this whole arc was keep their cards close to their chest so Lucien would underestimate them. They really did lay the groundwork for that when they were traveling with them. Yeah technically they sort of revealed some of their hand during the Gelidon fight buuut they also ran from the TT limping later that day. So. Yeah. Anyways. 

I’m rambling now and gotta go start dinner. But those are my initial thoughts!!!! Happy to engage in polite discourse. Main things I love talking about are theories for what happens next!!! and also hello, this is my first like, big post in the tag although I’ve already posted a few times in the shadowgast tag.