#I just opened the app clicked post and boom here it is no thought just

[tigerdrachin]

"god works in mysterious ways"

yeah

so do drunk people

[chimielie]

“I really like this place,” Yachi says brightly, “the owner is really nice, and he doesn’t mind when I take ten minutes to decide what I want. Once I took twenty minutes and he actually just brought me food, like, decided for me, and at first I thought that was so nice! Then I got worried that maybe I should be upset that he didn’t let me choose, but then I remembered that I could just come here again so I wasn’t missing out on anything. The food was really good, anyway.”

You hover between the cool interior of the restaurant and the summer daylight as she speaks, unwilling to walk away even though she’s holding the door open and probably letting all the cold air out. With a short yelp, she realizes how long the two of you have been standing there and crosses inside. You stand behind her in the line behind the counter, shuffling forward as you read the posted menu.

“I think I’m gonna get the salmon,” you decide. “Hey, so how are things with that girl you’ve been seeing?”

“They’ve been good!” You’re about three people away from the counter, but the first one is line is like, a really huge guy with a booming voice who has been talking forever. Maybe he knows the cashier? “She’s really pretty, and she doesn’t mind or get impatient when I’m anxious. She also gets anxious!”

“That’s great?” You pat her on the shoulder. “I’m really happy for you, Yachi.”

“Me too,” she beams at you. “What about you? Have you met anyone?”

“No,” you snort. “I’m on the apps. So dating is basically a cesspool.” The giant guy who was ordering seems to be done now, but he’s still talking, being slowly dragged away by the elbow by a guy in a cardigan and glasses. You slide your phone out of your pocket and open your dating profile. “See?”

At that moment, your phone pings with a new notification.

Atsumu liked you!

He’s not… bad looking. If you saw him in real life, you’d probably hide behind a bench or something and stalk him with your eyes just so you could look at him as long as you wanted, actually.

He’s your age, a pro volleyball player, his hair dark where it’s been shaved short on the sides but dyed blond up top. He has a kind of sardonic, dead-eyed expression in all of his photos that you think is really funny.

My love language is… arguing in missionary.

You smother a laugh.

“He’s kind of cute!” Yachi peers at your phone. “Kind of scary…”

“Please, I could beat him up,” you laugh. “I don’t know, he’s fine, I guess.”

You swipe left. He’s hot, but definitely a fuckboy. You’ve reached the counter, anyway, and a pro athlete on the apps is like, so many red flags.

You look up at the cashier.

You look down at your phone and click undo. The profile reappears.

You look up at the cashier.

“Fine, you guess?” Scowls Atsumu, 23, (volley)baller. Or maybe not, considering his Onigiri Miya apron. “Welcome to Onigiri Miya, what can I get for ya. Geez.”

He talks in Kansai dialect, you note, which you’ve always thought is melodic. Pretty.

In real life, Atsumu is very pretty. His eyes have midtones of honey and amber that don’t show up on photo and give him a sparkling dimension that sort of detracts from his aura of evil. Even though he’s scowling at you, you want to ruffle his hair and bite his cheek.

“Um, I’ll have the salmon ball,” you say. “And, yeah. I guess.”

He scribbles so hard he breaks the tip of his pencil. With a grunt of disgust, he tosses both notepad and pencil over his shoulder.

“What, pro athlete not good enough for ya?” He points at Yachi, who squeaks. “And for ya?”

“What?” She says, looking terrified. You put a bracing hand on her shoulder.

“Your order,” he drawls.

“Oh! I don’t know.”

“Two salmon balls!” He yells to the back. “‘S on the house.”

“What?” Yachi gasps. “We couldn’t possibly—”

“You’re clearly not a professional athlete,” you say. “You’re a cashier.”

“This is charity work!” He snaps. “My teammate is right over there if ya need proof. I’m Miya Atsumu—this is my brother’s shop. I help him out on my off days.” He emphasizes his family name, underlining it on his apron with a finger.

That’s really sweet. You swoon a little inside, then shake yourself.

“You’re off every time this time this week?”

“Yeah, about,” he turns and bends over to grab his hastily discarded notepad. You do not make a secret of checking out his ass and quirk your lips into a smile when he turns back around, one he matches with reckless abandon. He has nice teeth, not perfectly straight, that imply that maybe he didn’t need braces growing up.

“Let me repay you for the meal,” you put a hand on the counter and lean across it, biting your lip, stomach singing with nerves. “Eight, next week?”

“Nah,” he shrugs you off, gestures for you to move along so he can get to the next customer in line. Your stomach drops, and so must your face. “Too far away. I’ll see ya this Friday for dinner.”

[throatofdelusionincarnate]

Honeybee

Horror! Sans x Reader Oneshot

Here’s a little self indulgent crap from me to you because I cannot get my mind off of Horror Sans lately :)

Might be posted to AO3 later under the same username throatofdelusionincarnate

Word Count - 2,478

—

The soft grumble of thunder draws you from your sleep. You turn, glancing at the clock on the bedside table and blink a few times. Six thirty. On a Saturday. You rub your eyes and sigh. Soft rain patters against the window of your apartment and beside you Sans slumbers on.

You watch his large chest rise and fall for a moment. When you first got together, you thought it was a choice he consciously made. Something to make him seem more human. Though, after months together, you had realized it was just something he did. Perhaps it serves a purpose, pumping magic through his body as yours does blood. Or maybe it’s just a subconscious habit that he’s picked up. Either way, his large breaths comfort you.

Gently, you place a hand on his skull, just directly under the large wound that decorates the top of his head, and stroke his cheek with your thumb.

You won’t be able to go back to sleep, not with the growing thunderstorm outside. Still, there’s no reason to wake him up. You know how difficult it is for him to sleep, and you’d prefer that he gets the rest he needs. You can entertain yourself for a couple of hours.

You lean forward and place a chaste kiss on his brow bone. He stirs for a moment, then returns to his rest, a stifled snore escaping. A small laugh leaves you and after one final peck on his nasal cavity you swing your legs over the bed.

The apartment is cold, per usual, and goosebumps climb up your legs before spreading to your arms, then tips of your fingers. You shuffle towards the closet, each step feeling like ice beneath your feet.

You disappear inside the small walk-in, shutting the door before turning on the light. The sudden brightness causes you to squint, and for a moment you only stand there, adjusting to the feeling of being awake.

Once you can finally see, you rummage through your clothing for pants and some socks. You slip on a pair of very loved sweatpants, tying them at the waist so they don’t fall down. Then, you perform your best balancing act as you put on your socks. Regrettably, you roll the sweatpants over them, hiding the bacon decal and the phrase “make today sizzle!”

After your legs and feet are successfully bundled up, you turn to Sans’s stash of clothing and grab out a comically large grey sweatshirt with red lettering that says “BAD TO THE BONE” on it. You slip it over your pj shirt, allowing the hem to hang just above your knees. You swim through the sleeves for a moment before your hands emerge and you can push the cuffs to sit at your wrist.

You shut off the closet light then stumble out of the dark bedroom as Sans continues to softly snore.

The world is quiet save for the interspersed roll of thunder. So long as you’re up, you might as well make some breakfast. By the time you finish Sans will most likely be awake. His rest comes in short bursts.

If you remember correctly he crawled into bed at two last night. Four hours is longer than he normally sleeps, but the rain does tend to make him more tired than usual.

You pull your phone out of your pocket and click on the music app and press shuffle. A soft song radiates from the speaker and you leave the phone propped up on the counter to play as you cook.

Slowly, you collect your ingredients, settling for pancakes and bacon. You hum along to the song, whisking pancake mix together with milk, extra vanilla, and a dash of orange juice.

The rain grows heavier outside, pounding against the kitchen window. The occasional streak of lighting brightens the room before thunder overtakes it.

You pry open the package of bacon and set a few slices in the pan, watching them curl and sizzle against the heat.

Thunder booms and you jump as a large set of arms are folded around your waist.

“m’ sorry. didn't mean to scare you.” You settle into the grip, looking up to see Sans standing over you.

A small laugh spills from you. “The thunder startled me, though I still can’t get over how quiet you walk.” He leans his head down and you press a quick kiss to his teeth. “Did I wake you?”

He straightens back up and shakes his head. “nah, storm got loud. slept for too long anyways.”

Gently, the two of you begin to sway. He rests his skull on top of your head. You pull an arm free to grab a fork then flip the bacon over to let the other side darken. “Ah yes, because five hours is such a crazy amount of time to sleep.”

Sans just hums in response. The two of you will probably end up on the couch today, so you’re almost certain that Sans will get another couple hours of sleep. You might sneak in a little nap yourself. The rain is definitely making you drowsy despite just having woken up.

“Chocolate chips in your pancakes?” You ask, pulling out the bacon and setting it on a paper towel-lined plate.

“you know me so well,” he rumbles above you.

“I should hope so,” you grab a small measuring cup and dip it into the batter, then pour it onto the pan to cool. “We’ve been dating for almost a year now. I’d be a poor partner if I didn’t know how you liked your pancakes,” You pour more batter into the pan.

“You’re gonna have to let me go if you want chocolate chips.”

“or we could awkwardly shuffle over to the cabinet together.” Sans offers.

You roll your eyes and tap on his arm, “C’mon big guy, let go.”

A small gasp escapes you as you're lifted off your feet. Sans cradles you, a large grin on his face. “hmm… don’t think I will.”

You squirm a bit in his grasp, giving him a playful glare. “Sans the pancakes are going to burn.”

“i like mine a little crispy anyways.” He says.

“Well i don't!”

He shrugs, red eyes tracing over your features. “i ‘spose i can be persuaded… if ya got something good to offer in exchange for your freedom.”

“How about a not-charred breakfast?” You answer.

“tempting, but i might need a bit more. inflation is crazy right now.”

You sputter under his gaze. “You’re unbelievable!”

Though despite your protests, you stretch upwards, pressing your lips to his teeth. Sans returns the gesture, melting into you before pulling away. “There, now can I flip the pancakes?”

“m’ afraid you forgot tax.”

“Oh my god,” you deadpan. “How do you stay open with these business practices?” This time, you reach your hands up and pull his skull to you. Your nose presses against his cheek and you nuzzle him.

“what can i say,” Sans beams, red eye blown out and a light blush on his face. “my customers are very loyal.”

Finally he sets you down, though one hand still holds yours. “No accounting for taste,” you say, giving his fingers a quick squeeze before letting go.

Sans lingers, turning to lean against the counter as you grab chocolate chips. You scurry back to the pan and open up the bag before sprinkling the chocolate all over the pancakes. Then, you grab a spatula and flip them.

The tops are a very dark brown, verging on black. “These are yours,” you declare, nudging Sans with your hip.

He shrugs, “m’ not picky.”

You smile, “Yea I know. You’re my big cuddly garbage disposal.”

“who else is gonna eat the tomatoes off your burgs?” Sans’s hand sneaks forward, slipping into the bag of chocolate chips. He pulls out a small handful and tosses them into his mouth.

Playfully, you swat at him. “We’re not gonna have enough for the pancakes if you eat all of them.”

He ignores you, and grabs a single chip out. Sans makes eye contact with you, and you silently return it, daring him to. He does. With a self-satisfied grin he pops it into his mouth.

“You little shit!” You exclaim, snatching the bag up and setting it on the opposite side of you, away from his reach.

“awhhh c’mon hun,” he attempts to reach over you but you place your full weight against him to keep him back. You know he can easily move you if he wants to, but this is just play. Plus, he enjoys letting you win. “it’s just a few chocolate chips, i ain’t hurtin’ anyone.”

“I would like some in my pancakes,” you huff. “Once I’m done with them you can have as many as you wang.” You let up on the pressure and grab the spatula, putting the two slightly burnt pancakes on a plate. Gently, you push it into Sans’s hands. “Go butter these, hm?”

He sighs, “making me do manual labor this early in the morning? butter be grateful you’re cute.”

You snort, “Awh, you’re making me melt.”

“heh, good one. this is why you’re my butter half.”

Sans moves past you, plate in hand. As he crosses, you can see a skeletal hand try to reach into the bag. You gasp, and slam your hand down on the opening just before Sans can steal anymore chocolate.

“my genius plan, thwarted.”

“Butter luck next time,” you grin, hand still over the bag.

He chuckles, “you might’ve won for now, but I’m gonna get that chocolate eventually.”

He walks to the table, stopping quickly to grab a knife from the silverware drawer, then sets to work on doctoring up his pancakes.

With him gone you whip up a couple more batches, saving a generous handful of chocolate chips for Sans. The lull of rain and music settles you after your playful banter and you find yourself lightly humming along as you gather various accouterments for your meal.

You set the plate of pancakes in front of Sans and he gets to work on buttering those while you travel back and forth from the kitchen. You bring out the bacon, whip cream, syrup, and then two glasses with a couple juice options.

Finally, you settle in your seat across from Sans. He offers you the plate of pancakes first, knowing that you’ll take whatever you want and then he can have the rest.

You take two of the six and stack them on your plate before handing it back to Sans. Then you grab a couple of slices of bacon before sliding that over too. He eyes food and grabs the syrup, dousing his plate with it.

“Oh!” You exclaim, standing up. He lifts his gaze curiously as you dart back into the kitchen, grabbing the remaining chocolate chips. You set the bag in front of him. “For you!”

Sans smiles, pouring out a couple, “thanks hun.” He reaches across the table and gingerly arranges them in a small smiley on your pancakes.

You grin down at the happy looking face, “I hate to destroy such a cute gesture.”

“here lemme help,” Sans plucks one of the eyes off and eats it.

“Hey!” You protest playfully, reaching over to nab one of his chocolate chips. “There. We’re even.”

“‘spose we are,” He beams. “eat your food before it gets cold.”

You don’t have to be told twice. The two of you tuck into breakfast, a comfortable silence overtaking the room as you both enjoy the meal before you.

The constant rumble of thunder keeps you company as you finish up. Sans stands first, having finished his large plate of food, and grabs the serving dishes to take them to the sink. You stay behind, a bit slower at eating, and finish your food. Once done, you stand and bring your dirty dishes to the kitchen.

“you can just leave ‘em in the sink.’ He offers.

You nod, setting the dishes in the sink, then reach around to grab the washcloth. Gently, you nudge him to the side so you can wet the fabric down. You squeeze out any excess water and move back out of Sans’s way.

Quickly, you start the music back up and begin to wipe down the counters. A smooth voice comes out of the speakers as “Honeybee” by The Steam Powered Giraffes begins to play.

As you clean off the counters, removing any specks of flour and grease, you sing along. Behind you, Sans also begins to hum. You smile to yourself, enjoying the rasp of his deep baritone.

Everything is a peaceful, perfectly curated mix of noises that comforts you.

The sink shuts off and the clatter of dishes stops. Large arms squeeze your waist then spin you around to face them.

You look up at Sans, washcloth still in hand, and arch a brow. He removes the cloth from your grasp and replaces it with his hand, his smooth bony fingers enveloping yours.

His other hand stays at your waist and the two of you begin to sway. You get the hint and place your free hand on his chest, not quite tall enough to comfortably reach his shoulder.

Sans’s wide eye doesn’t leave you, and his usual expression melts into something akin to fondness.

“You didn’t have to smile at me, your grin’s the sweetest that I’ve ever seen. But you did. Yes, you did.” You sing softly as the two of you hold each other.

He brings your hand up to his teeth, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. You practically become a puddle. Your head rests on his chest, cheek pressing firmly into his shirt. His smell envelops you. It’s chalky and tinged with blood, but you don’t mind.

The two of you had made peace with his gory past long ago. Survival isn’t pretty, but in the face of starvation one does what must be done. Now, all you can do is keep him full and offer comfort and affection when he has a difficult day.

“you didn’t have to offer your hand. ‘cause since i’ve kissed it, i’m at your command. but you did.”

The world around you seems to disappear, and you cling to him, savoring the rumble that reverberates through his soul when he sings.

“set me free, my honeybee.”

As the storm rages outside, you and Sans remain. You know that neither of your lives have been perfect. His, less so than most. But in this moment, you’re grateful for everything that brought you together. You’re grateful for burnt pancakes and stolen chocolate chips; for thunderstorms and way too early mornings. You’re grateful that you get to call Sans yours.

Hello goodbye, I’m rather crazy, and I never thought I was crazy.

But what do I know?

I let myself go.

[fuck-customers]

My Petty on-going war with a "guest"

My Petty on-going war with a guest/non-paying customer continues! So a while back I posted part one of the story, here's the link. https://www.tumblr.com/fuck-customers/696750060212535297/would-it-be-too-petty?source=share If you don't feel like clicking, here's a quick summary. I asked you all if it would be too Petty if I locked up a product a rude non-paying guest comes in to scan into an app. Woman treats all staff like garbage and her visits count against us when our transactions versus guests who walk in is calculated potentially affecting our hourly budget.  A number of times we've been concerned about her stealing, especially when staff is helping a customer towards the back of the store. We'll just hear the door open, no acknowledgement of our greeting, product shuffling around, and boom shes out the door before anyone and approach her.

The response to part one was unanimous, be Petty! and let me tell you friends, I locked that shit up and I felt amazing when this woman came in for the very first time and didn't know what to do. I heard her tapping on the lock box but since she refused speaking to staff she was left in a bind (I caught her by surprise outside the door once at opening, she can speak and theres no language barrier). I watched her wander around the store for a minute before exiting. Meanwhile the guests I was ringing up got great service and save lots of money.

Weeks later she showed up again, she figured out that she was able to scan the barcode on the price tags and get what she wanted that way. Ok.  The thing is I am not one to be outdone and I was winning this Petty War. I have a fine tip pen and drafting tools at home so I filled in those price tags very subtly.  I guess I decided I wanted to waste her time, I know it would have been much simpler to just blatantly black out the barcodes with a sharpie in an obvious a f-u move. We don't scan the barcodes for any store operation reasons so no harm there.

Unfortunately the very first time she came in after I had done this I was in the restroom so I had to get the story secondhand from a trainee who describe this guest as "aggressively ignoring her." The woman spent a couple of minutes trying to scan the barcodes, she even had two phones on hand! but had no luck. Shocker. After a couple of months I took the items out of the lock box, satisfied that I had won the war in pettiness. That was months ago.

But then this past weekend guess who came in? Her daughter and I had a great conversation while mom aggressively ignored me. It was fine! I debated telling her flat out that next time she came in those items were going to be locked up again but I decided against it, let her waste her time if she has so much that she's driving around from business to business scanning product in and never buying anything (also women's holding a phone I don't want to get recorded).

Before the end of the day I locked them up again. And I waited, hoping that she would come in when I was working & I wasn't disappointed! But I was at the very back end of the store when she did arrive. So I saw her doing a "are you kidding me gesture?" with her arms when she saw that it was locked up again. She spent a couple minutes trying to scan the bar codes and I thought she had no luck... but then she comes in the very next day so this time I watch her closely. There was one bar code I may not have tampered with enough, or maybe she thought maybe things would go back to normal right away.  Anyhow, I say fuck it, I grabbed my white out stick run it through every barcode, I white out the UPC number and strategically placed some white out through the items name so that can't be scanned. Until next time lady! Please know the bar is so low all you had to do was not be rude and I wouldn't have given a shit!!!

[earl-grey-love]

[CW: Politics, current world events, body image, segregation, all that icky stuff]

I've been on the internet for nearly 20 years. While it wasn't the very first era of the internet, it was when it started its massive boom into popularity. But back then, even when I was a teenager, when you turned off your pc, you no longer had access to the internet. Most "smart" phones of that time could barely open a browser. They were good for texting and calling mostly.

But nowadays you're plugged into the internet literally 24/7. Even TVs and "smart" fridges/speakers/lights/all kinds of shit do. Even the youngest and oldest of people have smart phones/ipads practically glued to their hands or sides all day every day. The effects this has had on society literally fill tens of thousands of research documents and articles, and counting. We are lonelier and yet more connected than we have ever been in human history, and it's only getting worse.

Now, I'm not here to vilify phones and the internet, and people who use them. Nuh-uh. That'd not only be incorrect, but also weird and hypocrital. It's not our fault we're addicted to this stuff. It's DESIGNED that way. It always has been. But back when I was a teenager, this shit wasn't this bad because we could turn it off. Now we're expected to be at available at the click of a button to anyone who wants us 24/7. This affects relationships, work life balance, and directly the mental health of everybody. Especially when we naturally cope with these negative experiences and emotions by using addictive software like apps we can endlessly scroll on and post to get validation.

Now I've never been a huge fan of social media, but back in the day it was far easier to make meaningful connections. Nowadays, I see so many hate comments on literally anything and everything on the internet that it genuinely makes me ill. People cannot use social media for what it was designed for. If you post something mildly embarrassing or cringe or anything remotely "socially unacceptable", you'll be subjected to literal medieval torture in the form of mass public humiliation. Every single week theres new "discourse" about some poor fucker who dared to be a little cringe, a little controversial, a little human, on the internet.

And it's no surprise 99% of those victims are queer, bipoc, fem presenting, transgender, non-christian, children/teens, and/or anyone that's considered a minority or otherwise shunned. People without power. Like good fucking god, I thought cancel culture was about giving people with power social consequences for the fucked up shit they do, because legal systems are pay to win, yet I rarely see the actual bad people targetted. Cancel culture these days is 90% of the time little more than cyberbullying en mass. It's disgusting.

I blame the cringe culture epidemic of 2016. It changed the internet forever and irreparably so. Everyone who got cringe cultured back then were exactly the minority groups I just named. Godforbid you become a minority person who gets just a little bit of fame and fortune, your own community will put you back in your place. And it's not even community's fault either, it's corporations.

Corporations have, in modern times, always decided what we do. What we think. What we eat. What we wear. What we dream of. Now it's shoved down our throats 24/7 because we can't unplug from it. Everything you see when you scroll these days is an advertisement for something. Nothing is sacred any more. Even the anti-capitalist or rebellious movements of by-gone eras are now co-opted for cash, or are even outright exclusionary these days (see, cottagecore, goth/punk, etc). It's nearly impossible for anything to exist without immediate being churned out of a fast market fuelled by modern day slavery, just so the already rich can get a few more bucks for their fifth home.

Meanwhile, we've never been poorer and more overworked. Why the fuck do people have to work multiple jobs and have multi-income households just so people CAN EAT. That's fucking dystopian. People cannot afford basic living necessities like food, water, shelter and healthcare. All of this shit should be fucking free and yet people have to sell their souls for it??? Their bodies their lives their happiness their health, just for some fucking paper and that paper is NEVER enough.

All while we can barely survive, we get ad after ad shoved in our face of all the things we need to buy to be "cool" or "happy" or "worthy of love". We gotta be thin, we gotta be sexy, we gotta have a sleek car and a perfectly tasteful and organised wardrobe, and don't you dare eat animal products or buy fast fashion!! You have to be perfect all of the time. Go to work, do your job, have a perfect home, never be disabled, never have a thought you weren't programmed to have. Keep giving us more money by the way!

Meanwhile all the rights generations have worked hard for are stripped away. Bit by bit, as we're now too overworked and worn down to even notice. Media outlets don't cover it anymore because someone posted something cringe on tiktok and that's obviously more important than gen0cide. And see that? I had to censor it because we're not even allowed to openly talk on the internet any more. Sure, we're allowed to buy billions of tonnes of platic per year, but godforbid we talk about human rights. Or s*x or "unaliving" or schmental schmelth or grape.

Are we even allowed to be human? Because we're being denied the right to even be alive.

I'm both terrified of and terrified for the people younger than me. I see the way they live and talk to each other and now that Oz.empic Chic is in style, I'm more terrified than ever. Please be kind to each other. Don't fall for the divisive, hateful, violence perpetuating culture that social media has become. Love yourself and love each other, because our communities are all we have. If that's taken from us, then we have nothing left.

[tiredbuthappy]

Gold Rush

(Cowboy Like Me Part Two)

Part 1 Here, Masterlist

Here's part two! I hope you enjoy it! If you have been tagged it is because you liked or reblogged my tag post. Also a very special thank you to the wonderful @haterpenny for helping me with ideas, and also putting up with me in general. ❤️Feedback is welcome and encouraged!

Words: 3,254

Warnings: AFAB!Reader, biting, mentions of alcohol, dirty talk, unprotected sex. Oral, female receiving, cockwarming. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

You crawled out of bed around noon and tugged your phone off the charger, mentally kicking yourself for not getting Daniel’s number. Or his last name. You had a few texts but didn’t care to respond to any of them. Your head was aching just slightly, likely from the previous night’s drinks. You grabbed some aspirin and a tall glass of water before plopping down on your couch, bumping one of your hip bruises in the process. The room was dark, your curtains were still drawn, and you glanced at your doorway, your mind replaying the moment you had dragged Daniel through. You couldn’t seem to get him out of your head. He had left too great of an impression on you, mentally and physically. You decided now was the perfect time to drown your sorrows in a murder documentary.

You opened Netflix, wincing at the loud “bu-boom” sound it made when you started the app. “I hate last night me,” You mumbled to no one in particular, forcing yourself to chug down a bit more water. As you scrolled aimlessly through the library looking for something you’d never seen before you wonder what Daniel liked to watch. You found yourself wishing he was sprawled out beside you, lazing there in loose sweatpants and a v-neck, hair disheveled from sleep. Every thought that entered your mind, Daniel was not far behind. Then something caught your eye. You were willing to swear you saw his face flash across your television screen. You felt yourself heat up for a moment in excitement, or possibly panic. You scrolled back as you tried to convince yourself that you had merely been thinking about him too hard.

But there he was. Flashing across a show’s advertisement in all of his tanned, unforgettable-nosed glory. “What.. the.. fuck,” You clicked on the icon and sat back, mouth agape as the preview played. Formula One? No, you had never been familiar with the sport, but he was clearly far more than a casual racecar driver. Your immediate reaction was disbelief, but then you felt a bit of anger bubbling up in your chest. “I’m Daniel Ricciardo, and I drive for Renault.” ‘Daniel Ricciardo!’ You repeated in your own mind, snatching up your phone and quickly typing his name into Google (spelling it wrong the first time). You quickly realized the ad for the show was from a couple of seasons ago, as the Daniel you knew had a few more tattoos, and his Wikipedia said he now drove for Mclaren. Sure enough, you saw headlines about the race, this weekend, in Austin. You felt like you had been tricked and you knew you had to see him again. You opened Instagram and decided to try DMing him, but that idea was quickly shot down as you saw he had a whopping 5.7 million followers. You stood and began pacing back and forth as the show continued to play behind you, his voice echoing through your living room. You had too much anxious energy to just sit still and you had to get it out somehow. Before you knew it you were over halfway through the first season and every time he was onscreen you liked Daniel more and more. It almost felt dirty for you to be watching him like this. He hadn’t told you about his fame on purpose, but you couldn’t look away. You were too desperate to know more, to see him and hear him; even if it had to be on television.

You realized your only real chance of seeing him again was running into him, much like you did last night. Suddenly your headache became the least of your concerns. You headed into the shower and tried to think about every possible scenario for the evening. If you perhaps did see him, what would you say?

Once you were perfectly pruney and squeaky clean, you stepped out of the shower and carded a towel through your hair, your mind still going a mile a minute. What were the odds that you would just happen to bump into him again? On the race circuit’s website, you saw that an estimated 150,000 people would be there for race day alone. While you felt discouraged you still continued on with getting ready, drying your hair, and styling some loose curls into it. You moved on to your makeup, keeping it subtle, and wondered if Daniel would even recognize you. Perhaps you were just one of many, a nameless face in a large crowd. Maybe he spent most nights between strange women’s legs, omitting the truth about his identity and escaping silently the next morning. You pulled on some high-waisted denim shorts, just long enough to conceal the bruises he had gifted you and a pair of cowboy boots you had maybe worn once. A black sleeveless v-neck tank top was casual enough and shared a decent amount of cleavage. (As though he’d never seen it before) And then your eyes fell on the hat that still sat at the foot of your bed. Just looking at it filled you with an odd sort of melancholy. You pulled yourself out of it and threw the hat on, before looking yourself over in your mirror. You promised yourself you wouldn’t waste days looking for this man. This was your one and only attempt, you just hoped that your connection had been as genuine as you thought it was. Finally, as the sun went down and Downtown Austin came alive, you headed out of your apartment and down the few blocks to Stubb’s. It was a warm night again, but you felt like you had goosebumps. With each step you took your nerves became more prominent. You felt a little ridiculous with the boots and the hat, but you felt like it was the least you could do to both tease Daniel and get his attention.

The place was crowded and an overwhelmed-looking hostess stood behind a podium, quickly scribbling names down and assuring people they would be alerted as soon as a table was available. There was live music coming from the basement downstairs so everyone had to essentially yell to be heard. You pushed past the hostess stand and went up to the bar, telling yourself that you were going to take a shot. Not to enjoy it, but to try and dull your anxieties at the very least. You threw back some whiskey and regretted it immediately.

You did your best to scope out the place as inconspicuously as possible. You didn’t want Daniel to think that you had spent all day obsessing over him, or that you’d come here in hopes of seeing him- even though you absolutely had.

Now that you were loosely aware of Formula One, you spotted fans all over the place. Some men were sitting at a table, decked out in Red Bull Racing gear, another one in Mclaren’s eye-catching papaya. You dropped your face into your hands, truly beginning to feel that you were the dumbest person alive. You ordered a double shot.

The liquor was working and your body began to hum in response to it. You decided to make the most of your evening and headed downstairs to enjoy the live music. The idea of running into another driver and taking him home for the night entered your mind, making you chuckle.

You weren’t sure if the band was good, but the band was loud. You settled into a rhythm, moving your hips back and forth, willing yourself to think of something other than that damn Australian’s smile. And perhaps it would have worked, had you not seen him grinding against a petite and exceptionally beautiful woman.

You clenched your jaw and pushed towards him and noticed how his eyes widened when he finally caught sight of you. Wordlessly, you put the hat back on his head, turned on your heel, and left. You navigated through the crowd of sweaty, gyrating bodies, back up the stairs, and out into the open air. Finally, you felt like you could breathe. As soon as you saw him all those feelings of anger came back with a vengeance. You thought about his cocky demeanor on that stupid show and you didn’t want to keep playing games with him. You gave him his hat back, he was out of your life and you were done thinking about him. You hated that every part of your being just wanted to grab him by the hand and bring him home with you.

Once you were back at your place you kicked off those stupid boots and vowed to never wear them again. You went to the bathroom and began removing your makeup, feeling like an idiot. You didn’t know what you wanted to happen, but you didn’t expect to completely choke. You wadded to your kitchen and decided to open up the pink wine that you had been saving for just the right amount of self-pity. As you clumsily pulled the cork out of the bottle, you heard a knock at the door. You furrowed your brow and glanced at the clock over the stove wondering what someone could want so late at night- only to see it was about 9:30. You groaned internally and sauntered over to it, ducking down to look through the peephole. Your breath caught in your throat at the sight of Daniel, mostly obstructed by the brim of his ever-present hat. After taking a second to mentally pull yourself together, you pulled the door open.

“Howdy.” He said almost sheepishly, removing his hat and holding it to his chest.

“What happened back there?” Dan asked, skipping the pleasantries altogether, his brown eyes searching yours for an explanation. “You left your hat, I returned it.” You replied coyly, crossing your arms over your chest.

“And you left.” You almost chuckled at that.

“Look who’s talking,” You quipped. He looked a bit dejected.

“I went there hoping to see you tonight.” He confessed, keeping his eyes downwards.

“Well, you saw me. I just wanted to return your hat. Don’t let me keep you from your fans.” Your voice had more of an edge to it than you wanted and he noticed. You turned to head back into your apartment but he caught your hand in his. “I shouldn’t have left this morning, I’m sorry.”

You froze and decided to let him finish speaking. If he was going to grovel, you were going to let him. “I just- I had a good time last night. Like, a really good time.” He told you, licking his lips nervously as he reluctantly returned his gaze to yours.

“So did I.” You conceded. You could feel your heartbeat quickly picking up and tried to shake the idea of having Daniel naked and spread out for you again. “Why didn’t you tell me who you were?” The words came tumbling out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. He paused for a moment and seemed to consider the question.

“I liked that you wanted me, for me,” Daniel answered simply, not feeling that he needed to elaborate any further. “And I did tell you I was a driver!” He pointed a finger at you, his tone defensive, but jokingly so. You decided to take a leap and pulled him into a kiss, effectively silencing him, if even just for a minute. He hungrily returned it and before you had any time to second guess yourself you were pulling him through the door. He made quick work of your top, pulling it up over your head and tossing it aside before doing the same with his own. Then you were locked in another kiss full of desperation and yearning, his hands exploring you like they had the previous evening. Yet it felt like it was the first time he had ever touched you, the excitement building with every caress. Your eager hands reached for his belt, undoing it and beginning to get on your knees for the gorgeous man in front of you.

He stopped you with a hand to your elbow. “No, I’m going to show you what I wish I had done this morning.” He informed you, your palms getting shaky at the low, breathy way he spoke.

“Bedroom?” That was all you could ask, your voice sounded small.

“Bedroom.” Daniel agreed, in a far more matter-of-fact tone. You made your way down the hall as quickly as possible without looking too eager. He was cocky enough, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how tightly he already had you around his finger. You stood at the foot of your bed, eyes raking over his muscled torso, waiting for him to make the first move. He pressed a chaste kiss to your lips before pushing you forcibly back against the bed. Then he was over you, unbuttoning your shorts and pulling them down your legs.

“You’re gorgeous,” He said, almost as though to himself, tossing your shorts carelessly aside. “I’ve thought about doing this all day,” His hand started to palm himself through his jeans, his eyes running over you ravenously. He caught the crotch of your panties with his teeth and began tugging them down your legs, his gaze locked on yours. You moaned at the sight and raised your hips and wiggled, assisting him in removing them.

“Everybody wants you-” You said, your chest fluttered at the thought. You hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but you couldn’t shake the thought. Everybody did want him and yet there he was in your bed, about to bury his face between your thighs.

“Well you have me,” Daniel responded before he bowed his head and licked slowly from your hip towards your sex. He licked teasingly at your entrance, moving from the lowest spot he could reach all the way up to your clit. You bucked your hips up involuntarily and his hand came to force them back down. You reached down and ran your fingers through his hair, tugging just slightly to direct him where you wanted him most. Then it was off to the races, Daniel eating you like a starved man. His tongue set a quick and firm rhythm, applying the perfect amount of pressure to get your legs quivering.

“You taste so fucking good,” He mumbled, only pausing to slip a finger inside of you. He gave you a moment to adjust before slipping in a second, and then a third, stretching you deliciously. He slid them in and out, fucking you at a merciless pace. “Oh, fuck, Daniel,” You gasped, his palm edging up to rub on the sensitive bundle of nerves, pushing you closer and closer to your peak. “Cum on my fingers, sweetheart.” He told you, his free hand ghosting over your skin lightly enough to give you goosebumps. He replaced that gentle touch with a passionate kiss to your neck that quickly turned into a heated bite. The perfect mix of pleasure and pain was enough to push you over the edge, sending your walls into a pulsating mess around his fingers.

“So good for me,” Daniel praised and moved his fingers more gently to allow you to ride your high for all it was worth. After a moment he stepped back off the bed and removed his pants, his boxers quickly following suit. You watched as his hard cock hit his abdomen and did your best to commit the sight to memory. He held your eyes as he stroked himself and you grabbed his free hand, pulling him onto the bed and over you. He captured both of your wrists in one of his hands and held it over your head, exposing you much like you had done to him the night before. He ran his free thumb over your jaw gently and put his lips over yours as he pushed inside of you, forcing a moan from you that he gratefully swallowed.

His pace was more calculated than the night before, smooth and steady, going as deep as he could. Finally, he released your wrists, and immediately your arms flew around his neck, pulling him closer, desperate for another searing kiss. You wrapped your legs around his narrow hips, the new position causing him to groan and thrust just a little bit faster. You dug your nails into his back, loving the idea of leaving your mark on him. And then you were kissing him again, your tongue swiping across his bottom lip as your hand smoothed some of his curls off of his forehead.

He put his hand under your thigh and hiked it up and nudged his nose up your neck and to the bottom of your ear. “Fuck, Danny,”

“That’s it, let me hear you, baby.” He encouraged, hand sneaking up and tweaking your nipple before giving it a squeeze.

“Cum for me, cum on my cock. Come on, sweetheart.” His voice was a little hoarse from the exertion and it made your chest flutter. He sunk his teeth into your shoulder and it sent you hurtling towards your high. You punctuated every one of his thrusts with high sighs until his hips faltered. A groan rumbled through his chest and you crossed your legs behind him, keeping him close as he came. You rocked your hips up and he tensed. “Oh doll, I can’t, sensitive-” Daniel chuckled, his hands gripping you to keep you still. You laughed and clenched around him, eliciting another strangled laugh. He captured your lips in a deep and tender kiss.

You laid there for a few minutes in silence, enjoying the simplicity and intimacy of the moment, his cock still deep inside of you. When he did finally pull out you winced at the loss. Daniel disappeared for a moment to the bathroom, before returning with a damp washcloth. Thankfully it was warm, and he gently ran it up your thighs and over your sex, his eyes watching with intense focus. He tossed it into a hamper before crawling up beside you.

You weren’t sure what was supposed to happen next. Would he leave? Would he stay the night? You were afraid to ask.

You didn’t have to. He opened his arms and ushered you against his chest, his fingers absently running through your hair as he spoke.

“Would you want to go out to dinner tomorrow?” You were surprised by the question.

“Like a date?” You asked, craning your neck to look up at him. He broke into that big goofy grin.

“Yeah, like a date.” He agreed.

“I’d like that.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and you were glad he couldn’t see the giddy expression on your face. He looked so good in the low lighting- he almost seemed to be glowing.

The next thing you knew you were waking up. And again, Daniel was gone. But this time, he left a note.

“Good morning, sweetheart. Had to head to the track. I’ll have a ticket at the box office for you if you want to come under the name Ricky Bobby. Looking forward to tonight. Xx - Daniel”

At the bottom was his phone number. You held the note to your chest and were glad he wasn’t there to see you beaming like an idiot. Of course, you were going to go to the race, and you may just have to buy a Ricciardo jersey while you’re there.

Tags:

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[liaromancewriter]

Resolve

Premise: Giving in to Operation Fake Tea is harder than he thought it would be, but it only makes Max more determined to win in the end.

Book: Open Heart (post series) Pairing: Sienna Trinh x Max Valentine (M!OC) Rating/Category: Teen. Angst Trope: Pining Words: 810

A/N: This is a companion piece to Regrets, requested by @lucy-268​ who wanted to know what Max was feeling at this time. Hope you like it! 

I tried the random generator and was inspired by Prompt #517 and Prompt #714 from @creativepromptsforwriting. Tagging for reblog to @creativepromptfills​.

A full moon peeked through briefly before being swallowed by thunderous storm clouds gathering high above the Potomac River. There was a heaviness in the air that matched the weight that had settled on his heart these last few months.

Sighing deeply, Max Valentine unlocked the apartment door and dropped his keys on the console in the foyer. He rolled his head to get the kinks out of his neck and wheeled the suitcase down the hallway to his bedroom.

He had been on the road the last couple of weeks and all he wanted was his bed. But after all these years of travel, he knew better than to give in to the temptation. Following routine, he unpacked, putting everything away before taking a quick shower and changing into comfortable pants and a blue knit shirt.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he went to stand at the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room and watched the storm break over the horizon. 

Lightning crackled, leaving the night sky bright in its wake and thunder boomed in the distance. A gentle rain gave way to heavy drops that pelted against the window.

But his mind wasn’t on the view outside; it was lost in memories he revisited whenever loneliness threatened to drown him. He had several to pick from; tonight, he wanted to remember a time when she had been right here with him. Where she belonged.

His arms wrapped around her from behind, her smile mysterious as their eyes met in the reflection of the glass. He knew Sienna could feel his heart thundering against her back. Her fingers brushed against his, first hesitantly, then she interlaced them with his, grounding him and reassuring him that he was not alone.

It had rained that night too, holding off until they were almost home from the club. He remembered the softness of her palm tucked in his, the way she’d trusted him to not let go as they made a run for it. The pure joy on her face as they both started laughing.

Of all the women he’d been with over the years, she was the only one he loved laughing with. He never wanted to lose their friendship, but they could be so much more. That night and everything before and after had proven that.

He unlocked his phone, clicking on the Pictagram app and then scrolling to the HSTea feed. His latest ‘conquest’ was trending and all he could think was ‘this has to work’. As much as he hated the lie, he had to sell it and make everyone believe or else this was all for nothing.

Then what, countered the voice inside him, the one that emerged when he was feeling low and needed logic to guide him.

Once her accelerated residency was over and she no longer needed air cover, could she accept him and the world he inhabited? Or would she always balk at the idea of strangers interested in their relationship?

He couldn’t change who he was or what he was destined to become. Not even for her.

Exhausted and defeated, Max turned away from the window and went to get ready for bed. He’d just pulled up the covers when his phone pinged with a text from his sister.

Feeling maudlin after that exchange, he lay on his back, one hand resting beneath his head, and stared at the ceiling. Sleep was pointless when he was in this mood. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, he picked up the phone and scrolled down to Sienna’s name. Just this once he wanted to do something for himself, he thought as he typed his message and pressed send.

He waited for her to respond, anxiously watching the dots move, disappear and then start up again. When he saw her text appear on his screen, he exhaled and rolled the dice.

He stared at his last words and worried that he might have pushed it too far. But then he read her immediate reply and knew they would be alright.

Within seconds he was settled back against the headboard, his thumbs drifting across the screen, a smile curving his lips as he fell back on old habits.

Later, feeling lighter than he had since they’d begun Operation Fake Tea, Max closed his eyes and let his mind drift to a moonlit rooftop when he’d gazed into her smiling eyes and finally admitted to himself that he wouldn’t be complete without her. His life would be empty unless he had her to share it with.

As a Valentine, he had a legacy to uphold and a gift to embrace. He knew choosing his own soulmate sounded a lot better than being assigned one.

And he, Max Valentine chose Sienna Trinh as his soulmate.

A/N2: The texts between Max and Sienna here are originally from Love Somebody. I recreated a small section here from Max’s perspective, but you can read the full version in that fic.

Perma-tags: @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @forallthatitsworth @queencarb @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16​ @schnitzelbutterfingers @mainstreetreader @bex-la-get @headoverheelsforramsey​ @thegreentwin​ @dorisz​ @custaroonie​ @takemyopenheart​ @jerzwriter​ @mm2305​ @a-crepusculo​ @rosebudde​  @crazy-loca-blog​ @writer-ish​ @wanderingamongthewildflowers​ @trappedinfanfiction​ @rookiemartin​ @anonymousrookie​ @natureblooms24​ @coffeeheartaddict2​ @mysticalgalaxysstuff​ @lady-calypso​ @sincerelyscarring​ @beezybean​

Max & Sienna only: @gryffindordaughterofathena​ @utterlyinevitable​

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[sunnypogue]

coho!rafe + the video (blurb)

big thanks to scout for helping me map this out!!

warning: NSFW. 18+, some dubious consent issues with the video. (it’s necessary to note that rafe sending this video to himself without consent is NOT okay. like a very big violation of privacy. however, this is fiction, so...just know I don’t condone that shit in real life!) also, please use protection. xx.

--

“Bro, watch your fucking elbows!”

“You watch your elbows, fucker!”

Your head darted back and forth as the teammates shot insults at each other from their respective sides of the beer pong table. You were supposed to play the winner, but at the rate this game was going, you wouldn’t be playing anytime soon.

“Hey,” A hand rested on your shoulder, voice grabbing your attention, “we up soon?”

You shook your head, “Dumb and dumber over here have been arguing about the rules for the past 10 minutes. I don’t think they’ve sunk a cup yet.”

Your pong partner laughed, “Well, just yell when someone loses. I’ll be over -”

“Cameron! Get your ass in here, Matty just said we couldn’t shotgun these claws in one go!”

Rafe’s head turned towards the kitchen, where his defense partner (and resident dumbass), Luke, was holding two jumbo mango White Claws next to his head.

“Oh, fuck you Matty - shit, Y/N, come film this.” Rafe grabbed your arm, dragging you behind him. “I need proof so I don’t have to keep chugging shit at parties to prove my idiot teammates wrong.” 

You watched with a wry smile, your phone camera capturing as Rafe stabbed the cans with his house key, before shotgunning the seltzer, Luke finishing immediately after him, letting out a huge burp.

“Oh, fucking gross, Luke.” You yelled, ending the recording.

“Alright - fuck this! Someone come play Jonesy in pong with his fucking weird ass rules.” A voice boomed from the other room, where the now defunct BP game was happening. “I’ve never had someone talk about elbows so much, you fucking boner.”

You made eye contact with Rafe, grinning as he wiped the remnants of white claw off his lips. 

“Pong?” You mouthed, pocketing your phone, before making your way into the living room, Rafe close behind.

-- 

A few hours later, you were posted up on the couch, one of the stragglers at the hockey kickback, listening to Matty and Jonesy debating the merits of wearing a cage versus a bubble. Bored, and a little drunk, you pulled your phone out, intending to thumb through your instagram stories to drown out the sound of Matty yelling about how a bubble made you look like a “fucking bitch boy,” when your phone was snatched clean out of your hand.

“Hey!” You yelped, swinging an arm out to grab your phone, which now sat comfortably in the palm of Rafe’s hand.

“Hey!” He mimicked. “Gimme your password, I need to airdrop that video to myself.”

You rolled your eyes, “Okay, turn it around.”

Rafe pointed your front camera at you, letting FaceID flick your phone open. “Thanks.”

You waved a hand dismissively, standing up from the sunken-in couch. “I’m gonna pee, just don’t go anywhere with it. Stay here.” You gave him a pointed look before wobbling your way to the upstairs bathroom (the only one that was bound to have toilet paper at this rate.)

Rafe took your spot on the couch, fumbling through your phone with drunken accuracy (or at least, that’s what he’d say when you found out he posted a selfie to your insta story), trying to locate the video you had taken earlier. He maneuvered his way to your “Videos” tab, eyeing the most recent one. However, the finger holding the phone accidentally touched the top of the app, sending the screen to the very top of your extensive video collection. Rafe groaned, going to thumb his way back down, when he noticed the screencap of a particular video, nestled at the top corner of your phone. 

If anyone asked, he clicked on it to confirm that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, that he wasn’t seeing things - because there was no fucking way this was on your phone.

When the video loaded to full screen, Rafe almost dropped the phone. Apparently, his eyes weren’t deceiving him. You had a video, a full, one minute, twenty three second video, of (whom he was assuming was) yourself, bent over someone’s bed, getting fucked by someone with a massive fucking cock. 

Rafe’s thumb hit play before his brain could stop him. He watched, wide eyed, as this random dude fucking railed you, cock practically splitting you in half. Watched as he held your hands to the base of your back, watched as you took it so fucking good.

And then a voice broke his reverie.

“Cameron, dude - you good?” Jonsey leaned over, apparently finished with his bubble v. cage argument. “You’ve been staring at that phone for like, a while.”

Rafe jumped, turning the phone over on his knee. “Yeah, just airdropping something. Service sucks in here man.”

He waited until Jonesy’s redirected his attention elsewhere, before he turned the phone back over, airdropping himself the video of you getting railed.

You returned to the couch minutes later, a sleepy smile on your face. “You get it?” You asked, extending your hand for the phone. 

Rafe slid it back to you, “Yup - thanks.”

--

A couple nights later, Rafe was on his bed, head propped up by a couple of pillows, the video of you pulled up on his phone. He had watched it so many times, it was practically burned into his memory - the sounds of you taking it, the way you tilted your cunt to get it deeper, the way you would respond when he’d smack your ass, or pull your hair - it was addicting, seeing you like this. Rafe had never thought he’d see you, his sweet, little friend, getting fucked within an inch of your life.

It made him think about all the ways he’d fuck you - better than whoever the fuck took the video than you. Rafe thought about it constantly - fucking you in the shower, hiking your leg up to spread that sweet little cunt, fucking you in the car, pulled over on the side of an abandoned road, bent over the side of the passenger seat, hands holding on to the center console as Rafe fucked into you, door open. Rafe thought about fucking you the same way you were fucked in the video, relentlessly pounding his cock into your cunt, pulling you back onto his cock when you were close to finishing, spanking you when you begged to come - just filthy.

Rafe was so lost in thought, he didn’t hear the knock on his door, or the small creak as his door opened, or the little voice going, “Rafe?”

Rafe didn’t notice anything until you were standing at the foot of his bed, looking at him quizzically. “What are you doing?”

Rafe jumped, phone flying out of his hands. “Nothing - nothing. What the fuck are you doing here?”

You rolled your eyes. “I texted you that I was coming to grab my accounting book. I still haven’t read for class tomorrow.” You looked around the room, trying to eye the massive red textbook. “Why are you so sweaty? It’s like, 50 degrees out.”

Rafe shrugged. “It’s hot in here.”

You gave him a look. “No, it’s not, but okay weirdo.” You moved to grab his phone, now laying face up at the foot of his bed, screen dim. “Sorry for scaring you. Here’s your - ” You stopped, registering what was paused on his screen.

Rafe grabbed the phone from your grasp, realizing you may have seen a bit too much. “The book is over there.” He pointed at his desk, attempting to deflect.

You just gaped at him. “Is that - fuck, was that - ”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“Was that me?” You finally finished your sentence, arms crossing in front of you. “Was that - where did you get that?”

Rafe slowly stood, holding his hands in front of him as if to not startle you. “Look, I’m not proud of this but - ”

“How did you get that?” You whispered, still in shock. “I thought I deleted all of those.”

Rafe looked down at his feet, sheepish. “I accidentally saw it on your phone when I was airdropping shit at Matty’s last weekend. I - I don’t know why I airdropped it to myself, but fuck. I’m fucking glad I did.”

You looked at him. “Rafe, what the fuck! That’s so fucking embarassing for me - delete that!”

Rafe grabbed your wrist that was reaching for the phone. “Why the hell is that embarrassing for you? Y/N, that is literally the hottest fucking shit I’ve ever seen. You - you’re fucking gorgeous, you know?”

You matched Rafe’s heated gaze, staring at him as he kept his grip on your wrist. “I’m literally getting fucked by my ex in that video, Rafe.” You bit your lip, cheeks flushing from remembering the contents of that particular video. “How the hell is that hot for you?”

Rafe pulled you closer. “Because I’ve never seen you like that - you’re always so reserved around me. To see you unedited, raw - just fucking taking it like that. How would that not be hot for anyone?”

You blushed, looking away. “I - I don’t - ”

“I’d like to see you like that, in person, if that’s alright with you.”

You gaped up at him. “What?”

Rafe grinned, teeth nearly glittering in the dim light of the bedroom. “I’d like to fuck you. Better than your ex. Is that alright with you?”

You found yourself nodding - you weren’t sure what world you were currently existing in, but if it was a world where Rafe Cameron (aka the boy you had been harboring a crush on since you met him freshman year) wanted to fuck your brains out after watching a video of your ex-boyfriend fucking your brains out - well, you weren’t complaining.

You let Rafe pull you in for a kiss, let Rafe slide your sweatpants off, let Rafe slip his cold hands under your sweatshirt (causing you to squeal, not expecting the temperature change). Rafe let you tug his shirt off, let you run your hands over his defined shoulders and arms, let you palm his cock through his boxers. It was soft, sweet and exploratory.

Until it wasn’t.

When Rafe tweaked your nipple, you responded by sinking your teeth into his bottom lip - just enough to bruise. He pulled away, a glint in his eye, hands going to slide your sweatshirt off, leaving you completely naked. 

“You wanna play that game?”

You slipped your thumb between your teeth, biting down softly as you walked to the edge of his bed. You went to bend yourself over the mattress, forearms propping your chest up, hair swept over your shoulder. “Why don’t you come over here and find out?”

Rafe growled, taking two steps over to where you were positioned, before sliding his cock out of his boxers. He grabbed his length, jacking it a couple times as he rubbed the head against your clit, leaving a trail of precome in its wake.

“You want it, baby?”

You nodded, leaning back into his cock. Rafe tutted, pulling away completely, smiling when you let out a soft whine. “Words, honey. You gotta tell me.”

You turned your head, looking Rafe dead in the eye. “For fuck’s sake Cameron, get in me.”

Rafe laughed, tapping his cock on your cunt a couple of times, before slowly sliding in, letting you get used to the stretch. You groaned, walls clenching around his length, hands gripping the bedspread as you let your body adjust. Rafe kept his long, slow slide going, until he was balls deep, pelvis snug up against your ass. He was still, just for a moment, before rolling his hips, letting his cock nudge up against your g-spot. You moaned, head dropping to the comforter. You hadn’t felt this full - well, since your ex.

“You good, babe?” Rafe asked, chuckling a bit at your reaction.

“God, Rafe - fuck me.”

Rafe leaned forward, prying your hands from the comforter, tugging them gently behind your back. He swatted at your ass twice, loving the way you tilted into the sensation, before grabbing your hair, pulling you up just enough to get your chest off the bed. 

“This okay?”

You nodded as best you could with his hand in your hair. “I swear to God, Rafe, if you don’t move right now I’ll - ”

“What? What are you gonna do?” He taunted.

You whined, rolling your hips against his cock, which was still stuffed deep in your cunt. “Rafe, please.”

Rafe chuckled under his breath. “Fuck, I could get used to hearing that - hold on, pretty girl. I’ve got ya.”

[caribbeanempressblog]

Selfie 📱

Pairing : Jungkook x F Reader

Genre: Idol au! Boyfriend au! Established relationship au!

Rating: 18+

Word count : 2.5k

Warning: Smut, Pwp, Oral {female and male receiving} deep throating, choking, penetrative sex, rough sex, unprotected sex {bag it up kids}, I'm sure alot of shit go on that I forget to mention. Soft Dom Jk

Plot: You're scrolling through Twitter minding your business when a picture of your boyfriend makes it way to your tl making you go feral.

Ahhhh this was inspired by that picture of Jk I swear I lost my shit when I saw it. He was giving me choke me daddy vibes with the hair and the tattoo,* and did I mention black is my favorite color in the whole world* but his face was screaming sweet baby koo who wants nothing better than too cuddle and kiss, the duality whew.

Also I got carried away this wasn't meant to be this long but I couldn't help it blame Jeon for this pure filth.

"Fuck!" You exclaimed at the fallen device as it laid upon the ground of your apartment bedroom, your heart pumping out of your chest heat engulfing your whole being and spreading between your legs.

You stared at the phone for a few more seconds like it was a cursed object before taking a deep breath bending over to pick it up and bringing back to your face for further inspection. 

Fuck.

You bit your lip as you stared at the phone at the picture that had completely caught you off guard and all you could say was fuck. You've been scrolling through Twitter trying to catch up to the times only to have your soul snatched by a picture of your boyfriend at the gym looking like sin personified intent on dragging you to the pits of hell yet so cute you wanna ruffle his hair and pinch his cheek.

You inspect the picture further as if that wasn't your boyfriend who you've seen countless time in the same outfit same hair, sometimes naked.But this hits differently seeing him through the screen like this,maybe it was because it was so unexpected. Imagine scrolling through the timeline minding your business and then boom.

His hair was falling into his face half of it pulled back to reveal the left side of his face. That hair will be the death of you sooner or later. Silver hoops dangle from each of his ears, one hand stuff in his pocket the other covered in an array of tattoos held his phone up to the mirror to get the shot right. And in only Jeon Jungkook fashion he his body was clad in an oversized black T-shirt matching sweat pants. Work out equipment scattered all around him made up the outline of the deadly photo.

You clicked through the comments only to see army everywhere collectively losing their shit as well, at least you wasn't the only one.

You exit the app all hot and bothered wondering when your boyfriend would get here so he could explain the disrespect.

You fling yourself on your bed face buried in the sheet with a groan trying to muffle all the sinful thoughts that photo had invoked in you.

Maybe you should call him find out if he is on his way back. He had posted that photo about two hours ago he should be back by now.

"Baby are you ok?".

You screamed your heart beat accelerating as your head snapped up and then craned around your body to see your boyfriend standing in the door to your bedroom looking at you with amusement.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he dropped his gym bag on the floor with a thud then ran his hand through his hair making it stick out on ends.

You stare your lip caught between your teeth all measure of fright gone to be replaced by lust.

Fuck he looked so hot exactly like the picture he posted a few hours ago the one that have you in this position right now.

You sat up on the bed thigh pressed together to offer some relief to your throbbing center.

"Lusting after you"

Jungkook chuckled the sound doing wonders to your ears as he cocked an eyebrow at you a dangerous smirk forming on his lips.

You was off the bed the next instance making your way over to him only one thought in mind.

"Can I suck your dick baby?"

His eyes darken with desire as you leaned in to plant a kiss on his bottom lip right where that tiny mole  laid that look so freaking sexy the more times you saw it.

"Fuck baby that's hot" he groaned as he chased after your lips when you pulled away from him. He pulled you into his arms as his mouth claimed yours in a kiss that had your senses rattled. You pressed up against him when his tongue slid into your mouth letting you taste the familiar taste of him. Your hands worked their way up to his locks as you slid your hands through the silky strand that hand around his shoulders still damp from the shower he took at the gym.

The other hand found its way to the waistband of his sweatpants tugging on it until your hand met the warmth of his growing erection.

Jungkook lips left yours with a groan as you squeeze the head of his cock between your thumb and index finger then began pumping his length.

The next instance you were on your knees in front of him bringing his pants and boxers with you letting his rock hard dick spring right in front of your face leaking and ready to punish your throat.

Jungkook made short work of his T-shirt as you grabbed the length of him then licked a strip from the base to the head of his cock gathering the precum leaking from his tip.

Jungkook stuttered out a curse but it died on his lips when you take him full length into your hot mouth.

Jungkook was a man blessed with a big dick so it was only with practiced ease that you were able to accommodate him in your mouth but still a portion of him remained, you use your fist to pump him as you bobbed up and down his cock.

"Christ baby you filthy girl sucking my cock this.”

Fucking choke on that dick baby." Jungkook groan as his hand came to fist themselves in your hair as he pushed your head down on him making you choke around his dick like he commanded.You moaned in response trying your best to breathe through your nose as he hit the back of your throat and kick starting your gag reflex.

You pulled up for air when your throat started to burn instead licking down his length, you sucked on his ball sac taking the soft flesh in your mouth as your breathe the musky scent of him, his pubic hair tickling your nose.

Jungkook swore as a shuddered rocked his body his grip on your hair tightened and he was pulled you off him with a lewd pop.

"Damn baby you almost made me cum without fucking that pussy off yours" he tssked as he pulled you to your feet.

He made short work of your clothes your bra and panty was next to go until you stood naked before him.

"I want you jungkook" you whined as you pressed your legs together arousal already dripping down your thigh.

Jungkook smiled at your tone his lips finding yours again in a burning kiss as his hands slip between your legs and through your wet folds.

Your legs buckled when he pressed a finger inside you the same moment his tongue entered your mouth.

"Fuck baby you're so wet for me.. What got you this worked up that you're already dripping on my fingers huh?" He groaned against your lips.

You opened your mouth to tell him that it was all him and that cursed picture but he chose that moment to pushed two more fingers inside your soaked cunt that the only sounds you could make were little gasp and moan as he fingering fucked you the sounds filling your bedroom so lewd and loud that you swore the neighbors could hear it.

You clutched his biceps for stability when you felt the wave of your first orgasm building. Just when the fire was about to explode within you Jungkook removed his fingers from you, tearing your release from you.

"Jungkook wh-?"

Said fingers was then thrust into your mouth silencing you with the erotic taste of your arousal. You sucked on his fingers as he gazed down at you with a mixture of lust and adoration.

"So beautiful and sexy" he whispered as he pulled his fingers from your lips and brought it up to his own mouth then sucked on the wet digit.

You could only stare at the pure filth that was happening before you because it did nothing to quench the flames of lust that ignite within you once again.

"Delicious" he smirked as he removed his fingers from his mouth.

"On the bed baby legs open"

He didn't have to tell you twice as you backed up onto the bed and spread your legs for him.

You've long grown from any shame you may harbour when it comes to the act of copulation Jungkook playing a big part in that. You were always so comfortable around him and not just in the bedroom. He always worship your body and tell you how sexy and beautiful you were even when the desire for food take over your sense of reason and you eat more than you should and the excess fat begin to pile up. He didn't care about that he'd still want you naked and spread out for him.

He wasn't modest when he came to his nakedness either and why should he Jungkook was built like Achilles himself as he stood before you at the edge of the bed all muscle and bronze skin.His hand was covered in an array of tattoo from shoulder to wrist the intricate pattern and colours adding to the beauty of his skin. Toned muscle and well defined abs Jungkook loved his workout routine. You didn't know how he manage or where he gets all the extra energy, from performing at a three hour concert then heading to the gym after he was an abundance of excess energy and now you were at the mercy of that energy. His hair God you loved his hair jet black your favorite hair color on him, how it felt around his shoulders making him look like sin itself yet so cute you want nothing more than to pinch his cheeks.

You bit your lip as he climbed on the bed towards you like a pagan God and you a virgin sacrifice.

His hand ran the length of your legs as his eyes devoured you dripping pussy his eyes no longer that beautiful shade of brown but dark with desire. His tongue snake out to wet his lips before he bent his head to have the first taste of you licking a strip from your hole to your clit.

You moaned loud falling back into the mattress as he kitten lick your cunt before sucking your clit in his mouth making you see all the colors of the universe.

"Kook ahh that feels so good" you moaned hand fisting the sheet as he continue to eat you out like you were the best meal he ever had.

He alternate between sucking your clit and thrusting his tongue in your hole licking up all the juices you provided and before  long your orgasm was coming back ten times stronger than before.

"God kook im gonna cum" you whined as you trashed beneath him your hand fisting in his hair pushing him closer to you.Jungkook moaned in response not at all bothered by the grip you had on his hair as he buried his face deeper in your pussy as your orgasm washed over you in wave after wave of hot pleasure.

Jungkook was still licking at your core when your breathing return to normal the lure of over stimulation had you pulling him up your body to crash your mouth with his.His face was covered in your juices his tongue filled with your essence but you could care less.

"I love you baby" you whispered against his lips.

The bunny smile that adorn his lips was enough to reinforce that sentiment as he pressed his forehead against yours.

"Only because I just gave you the best head you ever had" he chuckled.

You knew he was only teasing you but you opened your mouth to retort but he chose that moment to slide his dick inside you.

All thoughts flee your mind in an instance to be replaced by the sound, scent and feel of him sliding against your walls.

"Seven hell baby that pussy feels so good" he growled as he sucked on your nipples tugging the erect bud between his teeth as he continues to grind his hips against you.

You could only moan and whimper as he fucked you to oblivion his hot mouth on your breast making you see stars.

"Kook your dick feels so good fuck I cant get enough of you" you half choke the words out.

Jungkook groan his dick twitching inside you.

"Choke me Jungkook"

His hips stilled against you  his doe eyes going wide in question making him look like a deer caught in headlights.

"W-what?".

You understood his hesitation, you've experimented in the bedroom before but this was something you've never done before now.

"I trust you Jungkook more than anyone in this world"you said as you took  his hand the one covered in tattoos from your hips and guided it to your neck.

"Its ok"you reassured him.

"I don't want to hurt you". He said hesitantly his eyes like that of a child filled with worry as his fingers trace circle on your pulse.

You smiled at his innocence and to think he was afraid of hurting you.

"You will never hurt me Jeon Jungkook".

Maybe  it was the conviction in your voice that assurity that you spoke with that had him visible relaxing.

His grip on your neck tighten as he gave an experimental squeeze not hard enough for you to lose your breath but enough to heighten the pleasure in your core making you contract around him.

"Fuck me Kook fuck me hard". you pleaded

You didn't have to tell him twice with a growl that was too animalistic to be human jungkook grip on your hip tighten as he resume thrusting into you with renewed vigor.

Each snap of his hips had you tits bouncing and you skidding up the bed from the force of which he was fucking you with.

Lewd sounds filled your bedroom, skin against skin all the delicious sounds faling  from your lips was music to jungkook ears.

"You love that baby me fucking you like this while my hand is wrapped around your pretty lil neck".

You could only moan in pleasure his sinful words to you sparking something primal in you.

You grabbed a handful of his ass squeezing the toned flesh in your palm then raking your nails across his skin.

Junkook stuttered out a curse as his grip on your neck tighten making you see stars.

"Fuck im gonna cum".you cried as your wall contracted around him your orgasm washing over you in wave and wave of hot pleasure.

Your undoing was enough for him a few thrust later and jungkook was painting your walls with his hot cum.

Your breathing was just returning to normal when jungkook collapsed beside you pulling you into his arms.

"Fuck that was amazing I dont think ive ever cum that hard." he marvelled.

You chuckled as you planted a kiss on his sweat covered chest too sated too respond.

"Are you ok baby did I hurt you?" he titled your chin up to meet his gaze as he searched your face for signs of discomfort.

You kissed his nose, that subtle scar on his cheek brushing the stray hair out his face.

"I'm fine baby but care to explain your latest selfie"

[iguanasarecute]

Sext... with a pro-hero? [Bakugou x Reader]

summary: It wasn't really your thing; but he sure is something. It was a week of this and that, until it was the time to step up, and meet him first-time in person; to see the hidden face behind it. But then, it wasn't really a first-time meet, as the hidden face behind it, sure is fucking familiar.

warning: smut, profanity, explicit !

[Start]

It was the day. The fire-brick red dress of yours, tracing every line of your figure. It showed some cleavage as it tightly fitted up to your butt. Your black Prada suede stepped on your carpeted stairs; while you gazed at the picture frames from your UA life, a bittersweet smile etched on your face; you missed them.

About to step out the door, you recalled... the mask. You rolled your eyes as your hands grabbed the black mask to cover up your identity. Well, being a Pro-hero kinda sucks when you know, you do some stuff like this. Thoughts roared inside you, about him. You made his aqcuaintance on a dating app, where both of you were matched; then later on the two of you passed on photographs of your temple built body; nudes. Without unveiling your true identities. Did you liked it? So fucking much.

Before starting the Aventador car parked under the gleaming moon above, you texted him.

[Y/N] : Hey handsome. On my way xoxo

[Mr. Big guy] : Alright baby. Have a safe trip. Can't wait to fucking see you👅

You felt the inside of you burn when your eyes read his words. Your engines started as you rapidly drove to the meeting place; the Bar. This weren't really the type of person you are, knowing you're also a Pro-hero; but damn, you're also just a hot girl, who happens to be single...and this someone, is also single as fuck. The thought of his body now on your reach, was making your heart thunder. Pictures no more. It was also an opportunity to see what he can also offer as a real life person. How he talks, or think, or how his unknown face would lit up whenever he sees you smiling. You wondered if he would actually be the one.

The Aventador car of yours ceased at the parking lot, as you inhaled, sprinting in the Night Bar, full of feral people. You were in no doubts, standing out; because of, well... umm... the motherfucking mask. You slid up your phone as you typed:

[Y/N]: Here already. We've both talked about wearing masks rigt? And how we agreed to it? Find me 😘

Your foot twitched while glaring at a mob of guys, scrutinizing you, from your breasts, to your butt. It was unable to see their faces when the Bar has complicated lights. One of the man from the mob was walking to you, ready to aim; when a warm rough hand touched your shoulders.

Him. His figure was exactly what you expected it to be. Though, you couldn't exactly leer on his face, because of the silver mask veiling his eyes; and the inconsistent lights of the bar, as it changed colors every second, giving both of you a challenging game of 'Let's see with our goddamn eyes'. He leaned on your ears, his warm breath tickling it, "Hey baby, wanna go out this fucking place? So we can talk... and do something," His hand collided with yours as he pulled you out the wilderness of feral people. His warm grip, feels like....you knew him from somewhere. The two of you stopped outside the parking lot; where no people can be seen, only the two souls, madly thirsting each other.

An Ash-blond was gawking at you, the scent of caramel touched your nose. Familiar. You eyed his black-polo unbuttoned at the top, as it shifted on his face. Those sharp jaw that can cut you, sexy soft lips, the way his hair moved in different directions. You couldn't help but tilt your head, "Do I know you from somewhere?"

The man leaned to you, grabbing your waists, as he pulled out his mask. Fuck this shit. Satan, why are you playing me like this.

Your eyes went round as you pushed the muscular body away from you. It was cretinous to even think of doing this, and now you're on the final round...regrets flowed throughout your body. You deeply exhaled, as you thundered, "Katsuki Bakugou?! Really?!"

His face was full of questions as he clicked his tongue, "I thought you would be happy atleast that you were sexting a Pro-hero all this time,"

Your mouth shot open to find for words, when you swiftly turned away, "That's it. We're done. I'm not doing this with you. Fuck this! Why does it have to be you?!" You thundered, heading to your car, and forget this even happen. The thought of thinking maybe he's the one, now gone ashes. He was your fucking classmate.

The Crimson-red eyed jolted and grabbed your wrists, "Wait the fuck up! I don't understand. Don't you like what you just fucking saw?" His brows knitted, "You don't like my appearance? Where did I failed baby please—"

You glared back at him, the mask that supressed your face, now tossed on the ground. Bakugou's face flushed pink as his eyes went round. Your eyes rolled, "It's because we're both Pros, Ground Zero,"

Bakugou was speechless, as he loosened the grip on your wrists; giving you a free-pass to escape, and forget. You were expecting for him to thunder you with curse words as you turned back, but then he clicked his tongue, and mumbled, "(Y/N), don't you think two pros making out, is a better idea?"

You stopped on your tracks, "Bakugou, what do you mean—"

"I don't fucking know. But hey, long time no see," The ash-blond's hands were resting in his pockets, slowly walking to you; as you turned to face him. A smirk curved at the corner of his mouth, "Because to be honest, I liked what I saw. And... I'm not even dissapointed, It's you,"

The inside of you burned as your eyes darted at him; now, just inches away from you, "Katsuki, I—"

The crimson-red eyes of his intensely stared at you, "Tell me baby, what you fucking saw... did you liked it?"

Your eyes were still round as you gulped, and nodded, "Yes, but—"

"Perfect," Bakugou smirked wider, "What's wrong with Pro-heroes doing that?" He gripped on your waists, "We are, just people, right?" he leaned to give you a kiss, a soft one, than turned to battling of tongues.

— • —

"Bakug—ughh..." You moaned as he gave you hickeys, while cupping your breasts with his warm rough hands. His room and home was unexpectedly clean; he is a clean-freak, after all.

"Babygirl, I didn't knew it would be better on person," he whispered, as he licked your breasts, down to your tummy, and stopped above your panties, "Hmm, can I?"

You gazed at his lustful eyes, "Nah-ah, you first," you smirked.

"(Y/N), I'm getting fucking excited!" He whined.

Your eyes rolled, "I was first to show you this," you shook your hands to your breasts, you made walking figures with your fingers on his abs, when it slid down and grabbed his cock, "Ooooh, it's hard already, Bakugou," you grabbed his belt as you unbuckled it, unzipped and slid down his pants; lastly, the underwear.

A burning sensation crept in your body as you glued your eyes at his huge trobbing member, the Ash-blond smirked at your reaction, "Suck it, baby," you obliged as it entered your mouth; Bakugou's deep moans turning you on, "Ohh yes (Y/N)... faster— Ughh... It feels so—good.... ughh," You parted to catch for breath as the Ash-blond grabbed your panties and slid it down.

He licked your walls, and played with your clit; while you softly moaned his name. The Ash-blond carried you and glued your naked body on the wall, his hands gripping on your tighs for support, "I'm going in babygirl,"

Bakugou then entered his cock inside your tight hole, as your body raised with every pressure, "Bakugou— Ughh— Ohh,"

— • —

The two of you cuddled as your bare-bodies touched; a warm fuzzy blanket covering your collided souls. Opening up to each other and discussing about how your lives went on after graduation.

A voice boomed inside Bakugou's house, from a speaker, "Ground Zero. Ground Zero. This is from Police Force. A store robbery occured in your nearby Grocery store. Bring a back-up; a nearby hero is located at...your house? Ground Zero bring (Your hero name) with you. Thank you,"

The ash-blond gave you a look, "Damn, (Y/N), you brought your Hero-Tracker?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, "Uhhh, yes,"

He clicked his tongue and chuckled, "Now the whole Police Force would know we had sex," he stood to change his costume; he looked back at you, "Now, (Your hero name), let's kick the robberies' asses,"

END

by: i.k. | yall go to church

author's message: hi i'm currently writing tons of stuff, but a soft one would be posted next; to, ya know, calm our shit. UA's lingerie collection part 2 would be posted soon! also, i'm open for requests ;)

press lemons for more lemons: 🍋 ; 🍋 ; 🍋 ; 🍋

[minecraftfan11onscratch]

Connie Howlite Maheswaran AU - A Single White Lilium (500th post!)

Pink Pearl sends Connie into her gemstone to find her cell phone, which she misplaced inside. In doing so, Connie witnesses Pearl's repressed memories and learns the truth about what really happened to White Diamond, Homeworld’s old leader.

[Click here to go back to the master post]

                                                             ---

Connie sat on the Beach House’s couch with doubt, fear and contemplation sharing space on her mind. Memories about the shattering of “White Diamond”, the leader of Homeworld, began to flash on her mind: Handy revealing to her about the shattering, the dream she shared with Steven as Stevonnie, the violet Zircon trying to rationalize over the official story’s lack of logic, and Pink Pearl holding Howlite’s Shield against White, and glaring at her threateningly.

The last memory snapped the half-Gem back from her thoughts, while also making a new doubt inside her heart grow: was Pink Pearl the actual shatterer, and Howlite was just framed? She sincerely hoped neither of them held the blame.

“Come on!” Jasper’s voice boomed in indignation, as she and Pink Pearl entered the living room and walked to the kitchen counter. “It’s been ONE MONTH, and you didn’t touch your phone at all!”

“Pfft. Silly! I actually use it!” Pink Pearl defied. “To tell the time.”

After realizing the two Comet Gems’ presences, Connie’s anxiety skyrocketed as she saw them trying to handle Pink Pearl’s phone. She gripped her knees until her temper got the best of her, and she rushedly screamed, “PINK PEARL, CAN I ASK YOU ABOUT-”

“Hold up a moment, kiddo.“ Jasper interrupted Connie’s outburst, before resuming to teaching Pink Pearl about the messaging app.

Soon, Connie’s own phone vibrated, revealing that, to her surprise, she received a message from Pink Pearl. While still nervous, she couldn’t help but smile at the simple message.

Hi, Connie! Pink Pearl is here!

Pink Pearl, signing out!~

“You’ll need a case for that.” Jasper pointed out.

“Of course! I got it!” Pink Pearl gleefully said, extending her hands to her gem, as it glowed, releasing a suitcase.

“... Nevermind. I’ll get a phone case for ya. Don’t smash it to shreds until I am back. ” Jasper said, with a mild groan, going through her room on the Temple Gate.

Finding out a chance to talk with Pink Pearl alone, Connie tried to suck her nervous feelings out of her face and clenched her fists as she approached a smiling Pink Pearl messing around with her phone.

“Pink Pearl?” Connie began.

“Yesss, Connie?” Pink Pearl replied, with a little grin.

“You know Mom shattered White Diamond, right? But... I think you’re the actual culprit behind White’s shattering.”

“Wha-“ Pink Pearl said, only to interrupt herself, covering her hands with her mouth and letting her phone drop onto the floor, as her remaining eye expressed distress.

“You can tell me, don’t worry,” Connie assured, but it didn’t seem to interrupt Pearl’s hands. She actively used one of them to try and pull the other, but the effort was fruitless. It was like she was under an active curse, or spell, and she couldn’t fight against it no matter how much she struggled. “Why can’t you tell me anything?!”

“I got the- ” Jasper said, unwittingly watching the bizarre scene. “... phone, case... ” 

“AHAHA! THANKS, JASPER! But I guess it’s safer to keep the phone in this completely safe Gem!” Pink Pearl said, in exaggerated glee, as she stored the phone on her gemstone, picked the suitcase and marched towards the Temple’s inside.

“Wait, just put the case and then put it on your head...” Jasper said, trying to talk Pink Pearl out for no avail, as she entered the Temple Gate. “The heck was that?” She questioned, receiving an exasperated sigh from Connie as an answer.

[LATER...]

Connie sat by the Beach Citywalk Fries, tastelessly eating a minor quantity of fry bits, as she tried to think about the reason why Pink Pearl covered her mouth whenever the topic was about Howlite and White Diamond. There had to be something, a deep layer that she didn’t want to reveal, or worse... Couldn’t reveal.

Her phone vibrated, showing that Pink Pearl sent her a second message. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as silly and sweet as the previous one.

“I wanna tell you so much... Yet I can’t?” Connie read the message out loud.

Fearing one of her doubts over the issue had an answer, Connie immediately abandoned the package of fry bits, and rushed back to the Beach House, bursting the door open. “Pink Pearl, I need to talk with you!”

“Whaddya mean? ” Pink Pearl asked as she interrupted herself from vacuuming the Warp Pad.

“I got your message!” Connie explained, showcasing her phone. “Didn’t you say “I wanna tell you so much yet I can’t”? With a mute monkey emoji?”

“That’s silly! I didn’t send anything at all. Lemme show that.” Pink Pearl protested, as her gemstone glowed. However, what came out was a remote control. “Uh...”

“Are you sure you didn’t use your phone?” Connie suspiciously asked.

“But I am sure!“ Pink Pearl said, a bit more desperate, as she pulled many items that weren’t her phone: a violin, a cult classic 80's movie, one of Connie’s shirts, and a roll of money. “Oh, my STARS!” 

“Are you okay?” Connie worriedly asked.

“I swear I put it somewhere!” Pink Pearl said, pulling a book out of her gem.

“Seriously?! Another one!” Connie gasped, showing her phone’s screen. The next message was now a simple emoji of a white flower. It made Pink Pearl pause, release a little gasp, and kneel, holding Connie’s shoulders.

“Connie, you gotta go inside my Gem; there, you’ll get my phone out.” Pink Pearl explained.

“How? I’ll have to get it back from your memories or something?”

“I can’t tell the answers to some of your questions. But I can tell I need my phone. Seriously, I’ll get you out once you get what you need.”

“That is, your phone.”

“Indeed! You’ll use it to text me once you find it.”

Connie nodded and held Pink Pearl’s hand without a word. Pink Pearl’s gem on her belly began to glow, and a pinkish-white glow coming out of the gem covered the half gem’s vision.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself in a pastel, pinkish plane, with a fluffy floor, and at the distance, Pink Pearl humming a little tune, looking at copies of her toy-like hammer weapon.

“Weird... There’s a second Pink Pearl, inside Pink Pearl. ” Connie said, barely helping herself from remembering a film about implanting ideas through dream within a dream, as she walked towards the second Pink Pearl.

“Connie! ” Pink Pearl #1 cheerfully said, bear-hugging Connie and lifting her up. “I didn’t know you wanted to be packed up here but, whatever! Guess you go to C... Co...”

“Wait! No!” Connie said, freeing herself from the one-eyed Pearl’s grasp. “I don’t wanna be packed. I wanna find your phone.”

“Wait- a phone. Okey-dokey!” Pink Pearl #1 realized, scrolling through her mind’s compartments until she reached the session that began with P. “No... Oh! It’s a cellular phone, right? Then, it’s right in C!” She realized, scrolling back to C and pointing at an empty slot, sandwiched between a cleaver and cellophane. “But- please tell me it’s invisible... Or that another me took it.”

“There are other yous?” Connie asked.

“Of course! But, they’re not fully stable to take care of the stuff packed here. That’s why I had to do it.” Pink Pearl #1 proudly explained.

“Then, take me to one of them,” Connie demanded.

“Aww, but everything beyond here, where everything has order and happiness, is pure chaos! Let’s just have a good time!”

“But I can handle it!”

“Uuugh, okay... But don’t blame me later.” Pink Pearl #1 gave in, taking up Connie’s hand.

Once again, a pinkish-white glow took Connie again, engulfing the pink scenery away. This time, the half-gem girl found herself in a more familiar scenery; the corner of Beach City where the Temple was located.

“This doesn’t look chaotic at all. It just feels like, the past.” Connie commented until she heard distressed sobs. Her ears and eyes took her to the dislodged hand of the Temple, where a second Pink Pearl, with an outfit reminiscent of the 80s, cried with her face buried on her knees. “Except the past is chaotic.” She realized. She rushed to sit beside the distressed Pink Pearl. “Hey, Pink Pearl... Inside Pink Pearl inside Pink Pearl’s pearl... You’re sad because of the whole phone issue too?”

“Nooo, it’s Howlite!” Pink Pearl #2 said, still sobbing, lifting her face. “I am glad for her but, she’ll disappear because of her baby!”

“This is so awkward...” Connie pointed out.

“What’ll be my purpose if she disappears? I’ll lose her, exactly how I lost my- ...What’s the thing you said?”

“Your cellphone?”

“My CELLPHONE!” Pink Pearl #2 finished, crying even louder and once again burying her face on her knees.

“It’s okay, here...” Connie said, comfortingly, while hugging the second Pink Pearl. “You sent me here for that, and I will recover your cell phone.”

“I know where it can possibly be... Where I lost everything else.” Pink Pearl #2 sadly stated, covering the right side of her face with one hand as she held Connie’s hand with the other.

Once again, the girl was sucked inside another memory.

The sky was blood red, and as she nervously walked around, Connie saw many weapons, and gems, most of them shattered, scattered about. She carefully walked around, trying to not step onto the shattered gems, just hoping Pink Pearl’s phone actually wasn’t hidden inside a toilet or wardrobe. It was just as likely as it being repressed onto her war memories. Finally, she found a third Pink Pearl, alone in the middle of the battlefield.

“Pink Pearl?!” Connie began, indignant. “I mean, Pink Pearl inside Pink Pearl inside Pink Pearl inside Pink Pearl’s pearl, are we really talking about your phone now?!”

“We were the last ones...” Pink Pearl #3 began, kneeling, and Connie swore she heard a soft sound of cracking right afterward. “Homeworld... Began to leave... We all celebrated but... A light made everyone... Why I did that?”

“Tell me what you did!” Connie pleaded. The answer she received was the third Pink Pearl shaking her head negatively, and turning to face the girl, revealing a crack slowly expanding onto her face. Thankfully, she didn’t have to look at it for much longer, as the pinkish-white light consumed her and took her to another repressed memory.

Connie found herself sitting among white lilium’s, and equally white shards. She picked one up and looked forward, trying to ignore the sounds of loud voices and weapon clashing, only to find a large, white cloud of smoke dissipating to reveal Howlite, branding her staff, shield, and crying. But something about her colors just seemed... off.

“Mom?” Connie wondered, holding the shard onto her chest and walking towards her supposed mother. “What are you doing here on Pink Pearl’s memories-”

Suddenly, Howlite’s eyes opened, revealing she had Pink Pearl’s pinkish eyes.

“What?!” The half-gem cried in disbelief. A loud scream was heard in the background, and once the fake Howlite turned around, she noticed Pink Pearl’s gemstone, seemingly confirming her dreaded theory. “I was right... you really did shatter White.” She bitterly said.

Pink Pearl, however, lifted her closed fist and opened it, revealing a large, white diamond with a brilliant cut.

“White Diamond?! But, how did she...?” Connie quietly said, confused, as the pinkish-white glow from Pink Pearl’s gem took her one last time.

...

“The palanquin...” Connie realized as she found herself sitting in the large, white throne of the even bigger palanquin of white color. She got off of it once she heard whispering voices, and she walked around it until she found the owners of the voices: the actual Howlite, and the last Pink Pearl clutching Howlite’s shield, with a slightly less cracked eye and an attire that reminded her more of the two other Pearls she saw in the past.

“And then that’ll be all. It’s going to be easy!”

“Can’t we try something out? Like, talk-”

“I can’t. White Diamond has done so much harm, we’ll stop everything, right now.”

“This is nuts! You know about it- I mean... Your status, my purpose, it won’t matter in a few minutes! Everything will change.”

“But isn’t it amazing?!”

“Yeah... It is.”

“We can abandon our past... This is my last world, and I’ll give it to the Comet Gems. I’ll live here with humans and other lifeforms, with you! We’ll finally change for the better!”

“Okay. I am ready.”

“Pearl!”

The conversation between Howlite and Pink Pearl felt confusing for the unwitting bystander. Connie didn’t understand what her mom meant with Earth being her last world... Why?

“I can’t believe I gotta do this...” Pink Pearl sadly said, holding hands with Howlite.

“Yet, it’s impossible for me to shatter myself,” Howlite stated, hugging Pink Pearl in comfort. After breaking her hug, her body was overtaken by a white light.

For Connie’s shock, however, Howlite’s form got bigger and bigger, perhaps even one head taller than what she remembered to be Yellow and Blue’s height. Then, her gem spun upward... And she transformed onto her actual form, much for the half-Gem’s disbelief: White Diamond.

White looked similar to the reflection Connie saw on her dream as Stevonnie. However, she could see her wide cape, and high heels, dwarfing Pink Pearl and herself even further. She hid behind the throne as the two passed by. White picked a large amount of dirt, and along with it, a white lilium Pink Pearl picked and put on one of her buns. Her Diamond, then, smashed the dirt within her hands, creating shards that were similar to her own gemstone.

“Convincing?” White Diamond asked, smiling.

“Uh... Alot, my Diamond.” Pink Pearl politely attempted to answer.

“Soon, I’ll be a plain Howlite,” White replied, inhaling the shards. Pink Pearl extended her hand to her gemstone, pulling out a staff shaped like Howlite’s, but it was just a structure. “Wait! There’s one last thing I need to do.”

“Yeah?” Pink Pearl asked, putting both the shield and fake staff on the floor.

“No one can find about this ruse. I will never go back.” White began, using her pointer fingers to fold her Pearl’s hands in a way they covered her mouth. “My last order for any Gem, as a Diamond, is for you. Let’s never speak about this again. Nobody will know.” She said, before getting up and stepping out of the palanquin.

While numbly taken by shock upon this revelation, Connie barely realized Pink Pearl noticed her presence and gasped once she realized this. Fortunately, she had exactly what she was looking for; her own cell phone.

“Sorry to make you come here.” Pink Pearl apologized. She shapeshifted into a pinkish-looking Howlite, making the single pale lilium on her hair fall onto the floor, and picked the fake staff and shield before heading outside as well.

Connie calmly texted Pink Pearl about her success, and soon enough, her memories flashed into her eyes: the staged shattering, the last few minutes of the war followed by the blinding light, Howlite’s pregnancy, and the aftermath. She found herself facing a teary-eyed Pink Pearl.

“I wanted to tell you for so long...” Pink Pearl revealed.

“That Mom was White Diamond.” Connie depressedly said, barely realizing that Jasper and Spessartite Garnet were behind her as she said that.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!”

[space-geranium]

How I Translate IkeSen

It makes plenty sense, darling! I’ll be happy to show you my somewhat clumsy methods. Keep in mind that my Japanese is limited, but I’m familiar with it and can read Hiragana and Katakana.

Also, I’m sorry if this is long. I hope it helps!

There are be apps out there that can translate things you take pictures of, but IkeSen is a mobile game so that won’t do. Thus, I transcribe every line myself. That’s the TL;DR version of it; I take screenshots from the Japanese version (available on Google Play), type it out, and then translate. I wish it was as easy as copy and pasting, but it gets easier the more Japanese I learn doing this. lol

Here’s a few tips~

Tip #1: Learn to read Hiragana and Katakana

Definitely important. You’ll be able to read more Japanese than you think! Plus, you don’t want to be copying and pasting each character you need from the Hiragana Wikipedia article into the translator. (Totally not saying this because I used to do this years ago... hahaha...)

Tip #2: Search for Kanji by their radicals

There aren’t many hiragana and katakana, but there are literally thousands of kanji. Even if you learned to read hiragana and katakana perfectly, that only helps with simple sentences; you’d still be stumped without knowing kanji.

Since I don’t know much myself, it’s necessary to look them up. But if I can’t read it, then how can I search for them? It’s more simple than you think! 

Kanji are made up of radicals; think of them like little puzzle pieces.

This is the kanji 嬉 (as in 嬉しい or ureshii, meaning ‘happy’). If you break it down, you can find the radicals or even other kanji! (In this case, the radicals are 女, 士, 豆, and 口).

Some online dictionaries allow you to search for kanji based on the radicals. They list them all, and you pick the radicals you think belong in the kanji you’re looking for. It is a lifesaver! With this, we can write anything we need.

Tip #3: Typing in Japanese

Installing a Japanese keyboard is essential and way easier than I thought it would be. On my PC (Windows 10), I went into Language Settings and added Japanese. Boom. Done.

Once you do that, the option will appear at the bottom right corner of your screen. You can also toggle between languages by pressing left Alt and Shift. (Another useful shortcut is Shift and Caps Lock. This switches between English and Japanese on the Japanese keyboard, which is super useful to me since I also have a Korean keyboard installed. Keeps it simple instead of juggling between the three keyboards.)

And the more you translate, the more kanji you learn. By the end of my first run of Mitsuhide’s route, I was able to write down entire sentences just with my own knowledge!

If you can’t install a Japanese keyboard, no worries; Google Translate allows you to type in Japanese. Just make sure you select “Japanese to English” and click the あ icon (which is ’A’ in Japanese Hiragana).

Tip #4: My Translating Tools

Jisho and Google are my best friends in this endeavor:

Jisho (or any other Kanji dictionary)

This site allows you to look up kanji by their radicals. If you have a hunch what a kanji means, you can also type out the English word and it’ll search for relevant kanji and phrases.

And if you search an entire sentence in Japanese, it’ll break it down piece by piece (nouns, verbs, etc.). However, it won’t give a full translation. You’ll have to figure out the meaning based on what’s given and what you know, or use another translator.

Seriously praise Jisho I love it and wouldn’t know what to do without it. I used to go page-by-page in other online dictionaries to find kanji. (No wonder I stopped translating...)

Google Translate (for reference)

I know, I know; it’s Google Translate and it’ll give you something incorrect or downright incoherent half the time. But that’s why I only use it as a reference.

I personally like to take the sentence apart to see what Google gives me. On some occasions, it can give helpful suggestions or synonyms. Most times... it’s an amusing hot mess. lol

Google Search (for research)

Occasionally, your translators will fail to translate a particular phrase or word. This is when you have to search it up yourself.

Use something like “Japanese phrase ___ meaning” or whatever works for you. You might find other websites that meet your translating needs as well. I just stick with Google and Jisho for simplicity.

Often times, it’s informal speech.

Sound effects are also common. IkeSen likes using them, even in the middle of a sentence, so look out for that. (e.g. “I looked up and, swish, the sliding door opened.”; “Crunch; with that, he bit down on the candy.”)

Once I’m satisfied, I repeat the process with the next line. And that’s the basics! 

There must be more efficient ways of doing this, as it still takes me hours due to my amateur Japanese. But I had time and really wanted to translate Mitsuhide’s route. >< Where there’s a will, there’s a way...

An example is under the cut. Hope this post helps! (or makes you think twice about translating instead of waiting around for the English version. lol)

Translating time~

Bonus: Example

This is a random screenshot from Mitsuhide’s route, though he isn’t saying anything spoilery, so don’t worry.

You will learn to recognize all the warlords’ names in time. It’s just Mitsuhide and MC in this scene, so it’s easy to tell who’s who. Thus, Mitsuhide is 光秀.

If we know hiragana and katakana, we can get most of this sentence sorted out right out the gate.

...Oide. _ wo, yoku _sero

Typed out in Japanese:

…おいで。＿を、よく＿せろ

We only need to find two kanji in this line. I already know these by heart since they’re pretty common, but let’s open up Jisho in a tab and break it down.

The first kanji:

As you can see, there’s quite a lot of radicals to get used to. But the more radicals you select, the more fade out as you narrow down what kanji it can be. I narrowed it down to one by picking three radicals I recognized.

This kanji is 顔, pronounced kao, meaning ‘face’.

The second kanji is much simpler. It’s actually a radical, too, but I’ll look it up anyway:

It often won’t be the first or only one listed. But once you find what you’re searching for, just click it and it’ll appear in the search bar.

So now we have the whole sentence!

光秀：…おいで。顔を、よく見せろ

Mitsuhide: ...Oide. Kao wo, yoku misero

Time to figure out what this means. We can look it up if we can’t do it on our own. Even if you’re certain, it’s good to double check. It gives me ideas on how to translate it into English, in addition to finding it’s meaning.

When you plug the whole sentence into Jisho...

You get this. You can click parts of the sentence to look at each word or phrase. If you can’t click it, then it doesn’t have it in its dictionary and you’d need to look elsewhere (or check spelling).

Based on this, Mtisuhide is telling MC to come to him because he wants MC to show her face properly. There isn’t any “him” or “her,” so this is a guess based on context... because that’s how Japanese be. If I personally had a better handle on the grammar, perhaps it’d be easier for me, but I’m still new at this.

Now I do a little research and use what I personally know. His use of “Misero” instead of “Miseru” is informal, and “-seru” means something along the lines of “made to” do something. (Wikipedia’s article on Japanese verb conjugations says “Miseru” means “definitely do” or “show that I do”.)

What does Google Translate have to say?

A little awkward, and a bit literal, but it’s enough to let us know that I’m probably on the right track.

This is the point where I get tired and impatient and, unfortunately, I make more assumptions instead of ensuring the sentence is as accurate as possible... But these translations are mostly for me, so I try not to worry too much. Besides, hopefully the English version will come out eventually~.

My rough translation would be along the lines of...

Mitsuhide: Come. Let me get a good look at your face

or maybe “Come here. Show me your face”

And that’s it!

If you hope to translate something yourself, then best of luck! Liveblogging helped me be more thorough instead of skipping around the story, but it does take a lot of time, so only do what you think is the most fun and interesting! And prepare for a lot of scowling at a screen and mumbling Japanese to yourself lol

[unfolded73]

How Do We Get Back (1/16) - schitt’s creek ff

(AO3 link)

Summary:  In a literal alternate universe where the Roses escaped financial ruin, David and Patrick struggle with loneliness and a sense that something isn’t right. A chance meeting in New York and a terrible tragedy drive them to question whether the timeline they are on is the right one.

Notes:  I'm really excited to start posting this fic which has been obsessing me for a few weeks. Thanks to @j-philly-b for being my New York-native nit-picker - pizza fight forever. See notes at the end for warnings about plot elements in this fic ... or don't if you prefer not to know.

Rating will be explicit in later chapters. This chapter 3.5k words.

______________________________

Soft music played from somewhere, infused into the space like just the right amount of an expensive perfume: not enough to draw attention to itself, but enough to help round out the aesthetic with taste and class. The white walls positively glowed under warm, carefully selected lighting, offering a contrast to the pieces on offer to buyers. Minimalist and spare, every item was lovingly placed by the owner in exactly the perfect spot to highlight its assets and mask its flaws. It was why buyers went out of their way to come here, or so the proprietor had been told in more prosperous days.

“Tell me about this sculpture,” said a woman in a severe suit and a severe haircut and impossibly high heels.

David Rose, the gallerist she was addressing, put his hands together in an obsequious manner and walked over to stand at her side. Her command had come without the courtesy of turning and looking at him; rather with the expectation that she would get a prompt response — she was the kind of woman who always got a prompt response.

“This is another exciting piece by Devonaé Streeter. She works out of New York now, but after a few months in Prague—”

“I don’t want to hear about the artist. Tell me about the work.”

David squinted an eye at the bronze sculpture, standing its solitary vigil on a white pedestal. He imagined the… woman? it depicted was looking back at him, or would have been if she had more than empty eye sockets to look at him with. He launched into his patter.

“Devonaé’s bronze works often challenge the viewer to look past the grotesque features of the art to see the grotesque features in themselves. This particular figure is an allegory for the way in which we fail to recognize each other’s pain, and I think—”

The woman turned on her heel and walked away, dismissing him and the statue with one quick wave of her hand. She turned her attention to the art on the walls, scanning over the canvasses quickly. David could almost see the calculations going on behind her eyes, like a scrolling ticker on a cable business news show. She wasn’t here to appreciate the art, she was here to find something to invest in. Most of them were, especially people like her.

“Tell me about that one,” she said, pointing to the largest canvas.

David winced. He would have taken the painting in question down a while ago, or perhaps never would have hung it in the first place, if he weren’t hurting a little bit for artists these days. And of course if he hadn’t signed a contract. He’d met Carmen at a party, and okay yes, she’d seemed a little crazy at the time but he’d assumed that was because of all the drugs they were taking. He’d agreed to display her art in his gallery. Now, months later, not a single one of the paintings had ever sold.

Clearing his throat, David said, “Carmen Herrera. She has a… unique vision, as you can see from this piece.” He focused on the track lighting above the painting as he talked; he’d never been able to look at this piece without developing an anxious flutter in his stomach. “It is intended to shock, of course. The worshippers…” He let his eyes glance over the blood-soaked imagery, wondering why he was bothering. This woman was never going to buy one of Carmen’s paintings. “The worshippers hurt themselves and each other at the behest of their goddess.” He gestured vaguely upward.

“Mictēcacihuātl,” the woman murmured.

“Umm… bless you?”

“The Aztec goddess of death,” she explained, still staring at the painting.

“Oh, uhh, yes exactly,” he vamped. “Personally, I’ve always thought the worshippers represent the American electorate, voting against their own self interest because of the lies politicians tell them.” He didn’t really think that. He wasn’t sure Carmen could have said, if pressed, who the President of the United States even was. But he gave potential buyers this line, figuring they might recoil a little less from the painting if they thought it was allegorical.

The sharp-suited woman couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of it. “No, I don’t think that’s what it’s about,” she said. Then she turned to him. “I’ll take it.”

David gaped at her for a second before he recovered enough to respond. “Yes, of course.”

After several minutes of dealing with the payment and shipping, tasks that always made David’s palms sweat with anxiety that he’d screw up some detail of the transaction, the woman was gone and the gallery was quiet as a tomb — its usual state. David sighed and looked up at Carmen’s terrifying painting. “See you never, you creepy fucker.”

He walked back into his office and pulled out his phone. Opening Instagram, David scrolled aimlessly through posts by celebrities and influencers, many of whom he had met and a few of whom he had fucked. When no images of his sister appeared after a few minutes of scrolling, he pulled up her profile and checked her last post — two days ago, which was very unlike Alexis. David’s heart started to hammer in his chest with familiar worry for his sister. He checked the time and counted forward. It would be close to midnight in Italy, probably as good a time as any to catch her on her phone.

Hey r u ok? he texted, and then spent a full minute watching for any sign of a return message before he clicked off the screen and tossed the phone onto his desk with a huff. Then when that dramatic gesture didn’t give him a result, he picked his phone up again, just in time for it to vibrate with an incoming call. He almost dropped it.

Seeing who was calling, David almost let it go unanswered, but at the last second he tapped the screen. “Hi, Dad.”

“David, how are you?” His father’s voice was always confident and booming, as if he could summon happiness if he just projected from his diaphragm. David held the phone away from his ear with a wince, and then put it on speaker before setting it down.

“Fine. Why are you calling me?”

“Do I need a reason to call my only son?”

David rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

There was a pause. “Well, actually, I just heard that Eli was released from prison.”

Pulling a nail file out of his desk drawer, David snorted. “What, and you’re going to rehire him as your business manager?”

“Well, of course not, David.”

“Good.”

“I’m never going to speak to him again.”

“Good.”

“I mean, can you imagine how our lives might have turned out if he’d managed to get on that plane to the Cayman Islands before the police caught him?”

“Yes, I can, because you’ve mentioned it an average of once a month for the last three years,” David said, taking a few desultory swipes across the end of the nail on his middle finger.

“I mean, it was bad enough with all the tax penalties we had to pay. If it weren’t for Eli, we’d still have the beach house!”

“Uh huh.” If David had heard all of this before once, he’d heard it a hundred times. “Where’s Mom?”

“She’s on location with Sharknado 5. And you know, the prison that jackass was in was pretty swanky.”

“Then maybe Eli will actually be more miserable now that he’s been released. When does Mom get back?”

“Two more weeks. She’s got her phone in Bulgaria; you can call her.”

David didn’t want to call her. He wanted his father to call her so that she could talk him off of this angry ledge before he had another scare with his heart.

“Just… don’t worry about Eli, okay?” David set the nail file down and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s not a part of your life anymore.”

“Damn straight he’s not.”

“Weren’t you telling me something about a new business venture at Christmas? Some kind of app?” David didn’t want to talk about this, or about anything really, but he figured he could at least try to pull his father out of this emotional tailspin about the former business manager who almost made off with the Rose family fortune.

“Yes, well, the spouting video market is quite crowded now, of course, but we’re making some in-roads. Slow and steady wins the race, that’s what I always say.”

“It’s streaming video. And that’s what you used to say about your rivalry with Blockbuster,” David snarked, his moment of charitability toward his father difficult to keep front of mind when he was being so irritating.

“And Blockbuster went out of business.”

“So did you!”

“It was a strategic restructuring, David. A shift into other markets. Like streaming video. Sure, the money isn’t flowing as freely as it did in the Rose Video heyday, but we’re doing fine.”

“Okay.” He went back to filing his nails.

“Are you still seeing… what was her name?” Johnny asked.

Trying to remember who his dad was even talking about, David squinted. “Who?”

“You know, the girl who used to eat garbage as performance art?”

David huffed. “Eliose didn’t eat garbage, she covered herself in… you know what, it doesn’t matter. We haven’t seen each other in months.”

“Oh. Is there anyone special in your life right now?”

An image of Brenton flashed in his mind. He was probably back in David’s apartment as they spoke, making the place reek of bong water and eating all of David’s food. He sighed. “No, no one special.”

“Well, don’t give up, son,” Johnny said. “How’s the gallery?”

“I just sold a painting.”

“That’s great!” his father boomed. “Good for you!”

“Okay, selling paintings is my job, you don’t have to praise me quite so effusively for doing my job.”

“No, of course I don’t need to. But I’m proud of you, son. Especially now that…” There was a moment of dead air.

“You still there?” David asked.

“Oh! Yes, I’m still here.”

“I thought the call had dropped. Now that what?”

An uncomfortable chuckle came out of the phone speaker. “You know, I forgot what I was saying.”

“Uhhh… okay.” David rolled his eyes again. “Anyway, the art business isn’t booming like it used to be, but today was good.”

“You know what? I just remembered I need to make another call,” his father said. “Sorry, David.”

“Whatever. You called me.”

“Talk to you soon, son.”

“Mm-hmm. Bye.” David tapped the screen and ended the call. He noticed the time and sighed, glancing out of his office door at the empty gallery. He might as well lock up and go back to his apartment. He moved quietly around the space, flipping off all of the lights and turning off the music that he played from a spare iPad that he’d gotten in a gift bag when he was Hayden Panettiere’s date to the 2012 Teen Choice Awards. Once he had his coat and messenger bag and had the security gate pulled down and locked, David pocketed his keys and stepped out onto the busy SoHo sidewalk. It had been misting rain for hours, the January day not cold enough to produce snow, but the temperature was now dropping below freezing and making the sidewalks treacherous.

The stationary store next door to his gallery was still open and doing a brisk business, and he was tempted to go in and look at the journals, but he resisted the impulse. Even though he used them sporadically, he’d already bought more empty journals than he could fill in a lifetime. The bar at the end of the block was also starting to fill up, and while he’d been known to get a drink there after closing the gallery, he wasn’t in the mood to be around people at the moment. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he summoned an Uber to ferry him the two miles to his apartment in Chelsea.

Braulio is 4 minutes away, his phone told him. While he waited, he texted Alexis again. Can you respond pls???

“Want me to talk or not talk?” his Uber driver asked as soon as David was settled into the back seat of the black Nissan.

“Don’t talk, please,” he responded. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no worries, man. That’s why I ask.” Braulio turned up his music a couple of clicks, the kind of unobjectionable, nondescript soundscape that was like something you’d hear in a modern hotel lobby. The driver had probably read on a website that it was the key to increasing tips or 5-star ratings.

David’s block on West 21st Street was packed with four and five-story apartment buildings, the short trees at regular intervals along the sidewalk offering a tiny break from the monotony of sandstone and concrete — although not this time of year, when they stuck up like twigs haphazardly shoved into the dirt by a giant, bored child. Shivering in his too-thin but fashionable jacket, he clicked on a rating for his Uber driver and shoved his phone in his pocket before making his way over to the short flight of stairs that led up to his building.

“Spare change,” a familiar voice called from a heap of blankets at the base of the building.

David opened his messenger bag and fished for the coins at the bottom. “It’s getting cold; you need to go to a shelter.”

“Not that cold,” the woman countered, holding her dingy Starbucks cup aloft. He dropped the coins in.

“The temperature’s dropping though.”

“Cold enough to ice skate.”

He took the non-sequitur in stride. “Well, not quite, but almost.”

“Your skates have to stay on the right line, ya know. You slip off and then suddenly—” She hit the cup, making the coins rattle. “Different universe.”

“Uh-huh. Will you go to a shelter, please? Don’t stay out here all night.” He re-clipped his bag and turned to walk away.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Mister Rose.”

“Well, I live here.”

“Not supposed to. Supposed to live in a motel with your family.”

David stopped and turned around. “What? Ew.”

“Rosebud,” she murmured.

“Oh, are we in Citizen Kane now?”

She hunkered down in her blankets, putting an end to what could only loosely be termed a conversation. Sighing, David left the homeless woman behind and entered the building’s vestibule. He then unlocked the inner door, shoving his way in with a grunt when the door inevitably stuck a little bit.

He mounted the one flight of stairs to his apartment. At the height of his family’s wealth, when David had been in his late twenties, he’d lived in a very posh apartment on the upper east side, but after the incident with his father’s business manager, he’d downgraded and moved to Chelsea. It was still a very nice, modern apartment, but it wasn’t what he’d once had.

The scent of sandlewood incense greeted him as he unlocked his door, and he wrinkled his nose and recoiled a little. Dropping his bag, he made his way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, hoping to find his leftovers from last night’s take-out. Of course they were gone. He slammed the refrigerator and swung around, ready to have it out with Brenton once and for all.

The man in question chose that moment to stride into the kitchen, shirtless, a pair of athletic shorts slung low on his waist. “Hey,” Brenton said. “Glad you’re here, we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we sure do.” David tried not to let his eyes drift down to the v-shaped crease of Brenton’s hips and failed.

“I’m gonna go stay with my boyfriend in LA for a while, so…” He shrugged. “Thanks for everything.”

“I’m sorry, your what? You never mentioned a boyfriend before,” David said, grimacing. He’d met Brenton last month at a cocktail party he’d thrown at the gallery. Young and blond and in his mid-twenties, Brenton was the son of a well-known hedge fund manager, and he seemed to be a guy whose sole occupation was drifting from one party to another, looking for a good time. He and David had hooked up several times in recent weeks, but their conversations had been limited to fashion and art world trends and what kind of sex they were into.

“Because we weren’t like that, you and me,” Brenton said with a disarming smile. “This was never about, you know, unpacking our pasts. And we never said we were exclusive.”

“I know that,” David snapped. “I didn’t say I expected exclusivity. Still, you might have mentioned—”

“He and I were figuring some things out, you know? But he’s gone out there for pilot season and the auditions are stressful, so I think I really just need to be there for him.”

“Oh, he’s an actor,” David said. “How fun for you.”

There wasn’t really much more to say, so after a few more empty platitudes from Brenton, he disappeared into David’s bedroom to get dressed and to gather whatever belongings he’d brought over in the course of their month-long affair. David sat at the kitchen island and flipped through an issue of Vogue without seeing the pages. He probed a little bit at his feelings, pressing against them like you’d touch a bruise, trying to determine how painful it was. He didn’t really care that much about Brenton — he was shallow and mostly unkind. David didn’t think he’d miss him. What did hurt was once again being shoved aside as soon as something better came along, after a lifetime of being shoved aside as soon as something better came along.

Once Brenton was gone, David tried cracking open a window to air out the apartment, but quickly closed it when it let in a biting cold wind. He was starting to get a headache, and he reached up to massage the back of his neck, trying to stave it off. Pulling out his phone, he checked Alexis’ instagram again, and then opened his messaging app.

[David] 911. Call me.

Surprisingly, his phone rang only a few seconds later.

“David, what? What’s the emergency?” Alexis sounded manic and not a little annoyed.

“I’ve been texting you all evening!” he almost shouted. “I’m sorry for worrying that you were dead.”

“I’m fine, why would I be dead?”

“Your social’s been dark for days.”

“Ugh. I’ve just been busy, David, I don’t have to post something every day as proof of life, do I?”

“You have to at least respond to my texts, Alexis.”

“Look, the club we were in might’ve gotten raided by police earlier, a little bit, but it’s fine because we found a back way out and we ran. It’s no big deal.”

“It kind of sounds like a big deal,” David said, rubbing his neck again. The headache was getting worse; the muscles running down from his skull were like iron rods. “Why were the police raiding the club?”

“How should I know what the Monaco police were doing?” she asked.

“Monaco? I thought you were in Italy.”

Alexis laughed. “Monaco is in Italy, David.”

“Monaco is a separate country, Alexis.”

“No, it’s… is it? Well anyway, Tiff and Lily and I are back at the hotel. I might come home, though. Stavros called and he wants to see me.”

David moaned unhappily. “Alexis, no, don’t go see Stavros. You’ll end up getting back together with him and that would be a terrible life choice.”

“Speaking of terrible life choices, is that Brett guy still crashing at your place?”

“It’s Brenton, and we were seeing each other, he wasn’t just ‘crashing’ here.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And it’s over anyway.”

“Oh.” Her voice softened for the first time. “I’m sorry, David.”

He waved his hand, not that she could see him. “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t like him that much. He was just really hot.” He looked around the quiet, empty apartment. “You could stay here for a while, if you want.” Alexis was a chaos engine, but he also kind of missed her. Her whirlwind life would keep him from thinking about his own sad existence as much.

“Ew, what? Why? I’ve got way more space at Mom and Dad’s, and when I want to stay in the city, Klair lets me stay at the apartment with her stepmom. Who’s actually really cool, although she takes way too many pills.”

“Fine, whatever. Far be it from me to come between you and Klair’s stepmom.” He fluttered his hand again.

“Okay, don’t be like that. See, David, I know how you are. You’re lonely right now and you think you miss me, but you’d be sick of me the second I set foot through your doorway. You’d complain that I was too messy and that my friends were too loud and that I hadn’t used a coaster for my water glass.”

“Well, if you’d use a coaster—”

“David, it’s 3 a.m. here and you’re lecturing me about a hypothetical coaster. I’m gonna get some sleep now, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Go to Mom and Dad’s if you’re lonely,” Alexis said.

“I’m not lonely.”

“Goodnight, David.”

“Goodnight, Alexis.”

(Chapter 2)

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This fic will include a temporary character death, the temporariness of which should be obvious by the time it happens. Also note that this fic does include marital problems and adultery committed by Patrick, who didn't meet David in Schitt's Creek in this timeline, and (as you will see in the next chapter) ended up marrying Rachel. Just giving you an extra warning for that if it squicks you out. 

[thorinss]

MAKING MONEY ONLINE

hey y’all. i decided suddenly to make this post because i know it could be super helpful to people out there who might be struggling for money, or even those who just want to earn some extra cash on the side. i’ve been doing this for about 6 months and while it’s not full time or even part time work, it’s extra money that you can use for food, hobbies, gas, etc.

a lot of these sites i am about to list pay very little (we’re talking pennies or dollars) but it accumulates over time if you’re willing to keep at it. in combination these are all good sites to just leave in an open browser or tab and just do the tasks passively as they come in or as you feel like it. half the time i’m playing the sims on one monitor and earning money on my other monitor.

anyways here we go! these are in no particular order; just in the order that i think of them. i will include my referral codes but don’t feel obligated to use them!

Prolific - this one is my favorite because i have had the most success with it. there are a lot of survey sites out there that will kick you out mid-survey after you’ve already invested so much time into them because you’re “not qualified” to answer the questions. prolific is the opposite. you sign up, fill out your profile, and the surveys that fit your demographic will come to you. most of them only take a few minutes to complete but the payout is better than most other survey sites out there. the surveys come from academic researchers who use your data anonymously for studies. some days you won’t get any studies, and some days you’ll get several. you can cash out to paypal once you reach $5. keep a prolific open in a tab and it will alert you when a new study is available!

Slicethepie (non-referral link) - i discovered this one recently and it’s one of my favorites. the pay is very little; i’m only making 4c per review right now but i’m told the pay goes up the more you review. all you do is sign up and get paid to write short reviews for clothing, get paid to watch movie clips or commercials, or get paid to listen to new music (whaaaaat). it’s one of the more fun ways to make money. it takes a couple minutes and you earn a  few pennies after each one. those quickly add up!

Usertesting - this one is really good if you manage to qualify for the tests, which can be hit or miss (mostly miss in my case). it requires a microphone and being okay with recording your screen and sending the info to a company. basically, people pay you to test our their websites and make comments about it. they’ll ask you to go to their website and look for something specific, and you have to voice your thoughts about the site out loud as you look for what it is they asked for. the pay is $10 per test which is amazing, but you have to take a pre-screener test to qualify for them. overall i’ve made maybe $40 total by working passively (not every day) in the last 6 months but hey - that’s a tank of gas.

more under the cut!

rev - if you’re a fast typer, a good listener, and have some time on your hands, this is a pretty good option. rev is a transcription service, so you listen to some audio and type out what the people are saying, and then get paid for it. some of the audio is garbage which is why they pay people to transcribe it, but if you have the time you can make a few bucks. just make sure you take it seriously because if you somehow appear to be “below average” at this, they will terminate your account. the amount of transcriptions that appear varied so you just have to keep an eye out.

GG2U (non-referral link) - this one is pretty dope. sign up for free trials, install and play video games, take surveys, watch videos, and earn points. 100 points = $1. within 5 minutes of signing up i had $7. just be certain to cancel any trials before the trial period ends so you don’t get charged. 

amazon turk - not gonna lie, i have not been able to achieve this one, but i have personally seen people make hundreds and thousands on this platform. if you don’t know already, mturk is where clients post microtasks for humans to do that robots cannot yet achieve. if you are willing to put in more work than me and figure it out, check our /r/mturk or do some googling before pursuing it.

Ibotta (non-referral link) - (get a $20 welcome bonus if you use my referral and scan your first receipt) this is an app that offers cash back for shopping at the stores listed on ibotta. you buy an item from the store listed on ibotta, can your receipt into the app, and boom you get cash back.

qmee - this one makes chump change but it’s worth it. you complete surveys for some change (50c or somewhere around that) and that’s it. there’s also a browser extension; i use this more than the surveys. the extension pops up on the side of your window whenever you search something on the internet - but only if it’s something that qmee is looking for. and occasionally it offers a few pennies if you click on the link. best part is you can cash out no matter how much you’ve made. i cashed out 32c the other day lmao.

inboxdollars (non-referral link) - i don’t know if it’s just me, but this website only works on firefox for me. my chrome hates it. but anyways, this site provides very passive income. i do not recommend the surveys; they’ll have you answer a bunch of questions and you think you’re going to finish it and get the $$$, but then it kicks you out because “you’re not qualified”. the ways to earn that i like are watching videos in the TV/videos tab and playing the games in the games tab. after you watch x amount of videos or play x amount of games, you get a scratch off ticket. i usually get about 15c from them, but it’s something. when i first started i worked my way about to $50. they send you a check in the mail.

redbubble (my shitty store) - y’all know about this one already i’m sure. if you’re creative and think you can make a design for shirts and accessories, go ahead and make an account! you might make zero money, you might make a few bucks every couple months, or you might make a couple hundred. it all depends so this one is really a gamble, but still worth looking at if you’re into that sort of thing! 

crowdtap - haven’t used this one in a while but i will be getting back into it. you take surveys and answer questions for brands and receive points in return. you need to accumulate 500 points before you can begin cashing out, which will take a while. after that, you can redeem the points for gift cards to amazon/sephora/walmart/etc, use the points for a subscription service, or use the points to donate money to a charity.

swagbucks (non-referral link) - this site is wild and just like mturk, i have yet to master it, but have seen others do so. it’s another typical survey site very similar to inboxdollars listed above. you can take surveys for swagbucks (points), watch videos, use their cash back feature, etc. 

vindale research (non referral link) - similar to prolific. it’s surveys from researchers that pay a few dollars for you to answer some questions. length of survey varies. each survey generally pays aroud $1. there is also a jobs tab that gives a list of jobs in your area.

submittable - this one is a recent discovery. my first article was rejected but i’d like to share this one anyways in case someone would like to pursue it! there’s a large list of writing and art contests mainly. a lot of them don’t seem to be offering pay but the ones that do offer a huge payout if you win the competition.

cambly - if you have any type of skill in teaching other languages, being a life coach, of just have any knowledge you think you can pass along, cambly might be for you. when you sign up there are two options, be tutored or become the tutor. if you want to tutor people, you need a webcam and microphone access. my connection never worked with cambly so i have not been able to personally try it, but i have seen people make a lot of money from teaching english to little kids.

ebates (non referral link) - another cash back option every time you buy something online. or you can link your credit/debit card and use it when you buy stuff in stores. so you get money for spending money. good stuff y’all.

lionbridge & appen - these two sites are basically the same thing just different companies. this is the ONLY two sites on my list that pay hourly. i believe it’s somewhere between $9 - $12? i could be wrong. but once you sign up, apply, and get approved, you could be doing a multitude of things, inducing: translation, transcription, social media evaluation, data collection, and more. 

TIPS:

minimum requirements are internet, a computer, and a phone. if you have an extra laptop or computer that still works, set it up and let videos on inboxdollars or swagbucks run in the background. this way you are making money without even thinking about it. you could even just open the videos in another window and mute them, which is what i’m doing right now. you still get the credit for watching them but you don’t actually have to listen to them.

this is not a get rich quick and easy deal. none of these jobs are simple and you won’t be pulling in hundreds per day. it’s hard, annoying work. so don’t expect to be rolling in the dough.

if you can, create a second email for all those times you get asked to sign up for something or subscribe to a newsletter. this way your actual personal inbox isn’t getting spammed with ridiculous things you don’t care about. just check the second email once in a while to make sure no one has sent you anything important. if you choose to get email notifications for new paid surveys on whichever site, i recommend letting those go to your personal inbox so that you may see them. or use the second email and check it daily. it’s up to you!

even though these sites don’t pay a lot, when you use them all together you can get a decent amount of cash. i’ve seen people work entirely from home, pulling $1000-$2000 per month just by using sites like this. but obviously that doesn’t mean it will be the case for everybody. i do this stuff on the side and am happy with just making a few dollars per day.

if it ever feels pointless because you only earned 30c or $1 just remember this - it’s more money than you had five minutes ago. it’s something. it might not pay the bills but eventually it might buy you a coffee or sit in your savings collecting interest. however you want to use it!

CASH OUT IMMEDIATELY. as soon as you are allowed to transfer your money to paypal or wherever, do it asap. there have been times where sites will shut down or glitch out and you are unable to get back all that money you earned.

be careful with some surveys. if they seem fishy or gimmicky or are constantly offering you to sign up for a bunch of bullshit, exit immediately. it will get you nowhere.

do not use VPNs. this usually results in getting banned.

OTHER RESOURCES:

i cannot possibly list every single way to make money online because there is so much! i listed my favorites but please check out these other websites that provide even more information and opportunities. they’re the reason i know so much and have been able to earn money on the side.

down the rabbit hole you go!

r/beermoney (wiki)

r/workonline

r/flipping

the work at home wife

i hope this helps someone out there. i have a job but i don’t get enough hours so i try to make a little extra on the side utilizing all these sites. and i have bad social anxiety so anything i can do to work from the comfort of my own home is my ideal situation. as i said, you won’t make a lot of money to begin with, or even later down the line, but as i’ve repeated - it’s something. it’s $5 more than you had earlier.

again, hope this helps and please let me know if it does! and if you have any questions i can try to help you!

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, May 2 2020

Welcome to my latest summary of recent ecommerce news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & Etsy! This covers articles I came across since the late April report, although some may be older than that. I will do my best to keep posting these at least once every 10 days if not sooner. 

Have any topics you would like to see me cover in more detail? Drop me a line here on Tumblr, or email me through my website. I’m also on Twitter and YouTube if you prefer social.  

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

If you sell on Etsy, this is your reminder that the Offsite Ads program kicks in on May 4, and people who make under $10K a year on Etsy can opt out if they want to avoid the additional fees. I have a summary here. 

Issues with mail delivery during the pandemic continue. Canada Post has suspended on time delivery guarantees and warns of December level volume.  USPS is not shipping to 113 countries, including many APO addresses. 

I am still interested in posting articles and lists of resources for small businesses and artists during the pandemic, so please pass on any good resources you know about. HubSpot did a page for Australia, and one for the United States.  See my previous edition for a longer list. 

ETSY NEWS 

Mask sales have created a huge boom for Etsy, but also some busts. “Suddenly millions of people were logging on to Etsy, searching for masks nine times every second, the company calculated.The site was not ready for the rush….There are now 50,000 sellers on Etsy who have each sold at least one mask; 10,000 have sold at least 100. Etsy staff spent time calling the most popular sellers to weed out scams, but also to ensure well-meaning sellers were not over-promising.” There have been many threads from sellers whose shops were de-indexed due to both bots and to Etsy wanting to limit their sales until they catch up on open orders, creating a lot of complaints at a time when their customer service response is hugely delayed. 

Some sellers report receiving listing credits for masks, although several who received money did not sell masks, and many others who did sell masks got nothing. 

Another Seller Handbook post on what people are looking for while they are under lockdown (TL;DR: home decor, activities, bath & beauty) , as well as suggestions for how you can pivot your shop. They include the top search terms for each area; some examples: washable paper towel, garden, birthday gift,  printable wall art, puzzle, board game, puzzle adult. “As shoppers transform their living spaces for multifunctional uses like working, exercising, and homeschooling, they’re looking for cozy comfort as well as fresh, on-season style updates that offer mood-boosting appeal….113% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for “home office...127% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for “indoor garden...“Face mask” was the top searched term for the last five weeks (as of April 23, 2020)” Finally, “In recent Etsy buyer research, one third of shoppers who anticipated purchasing on Etsy in the next three months reported planning to buy gifts.” [Although the article doesn’t mention this, I strongly recommend emphasizing somewhere in your shop that you can send the order directly to the gift recipient, if you sell giftable items but sales are down right now. I am getting a lot more requests for gift notes than usual, and more people are paying for tracking so they know when the gift arrives.]

A study says that 30% of Etsy sellers do not save for emergencies, and 74% want Etsy to help them when emergencies arise. 

Two new features for users of Etsy’s USPS labels: free pick up requests, and easy customer return labels. 

Etsy launched an exclusive collection with Joseph Altuzarra. 

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

Moz just came out with an excellent guide to keyword research that you all should at least bookmark to come back to later, even if you don’t do keyword research now. The introduction contains a good definition of long tail with a graph; “Only about 20% of the keywords people search for will be popular "head" terms. The majority of keyword phrases will be less-frequent, long-tail keywords.” There’s even a downloadable 2-page cheat sheet on the basics at the end. 

There may have been a Google search update around April 16, but I am mostly posting this article for the graphs showing search volatility in the past 1-2 months; those changes in the second half of March into early April seem to be mostly user-driven due to the pandemic, rather than algorithm changes. 

Backlinks are not all created equal, and time is sometimes one of the factors in weighting them. [text and video] 

This analysis of near 12 million Google search results turned up some interesting correlations with ranking. Not surprisingly, sites in first place have many more backlinks on average than the other sites on the same page. It was a bit surprising to learn that page loading speed didn’t correlate with ranking at all (that may change once everyone goes to mobile first indexing in the fall), nor did using the keyword in your title tag. “Pages in Google’s top 10 results contain 65% to 85% of the keywords that they’re ranking for in their title tag. However, we found very little (if any) correlation between keyword-optimized title tags and higher rankings on the first page.”

Google may delay its move to complete mobile-first indexing by September, depending on how sites are managing due to the recent disruptions.

Some businesses are moving the money they spent on advertising over to SEO, because there is a longer-term payoff vs. a short term impact from someone seeing an ad on a given day. Good SEO can get you ranking on many search engines for years, if you are lucky. 

(CONTENT) MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

Not surprisingly, the top times for social media traffic have changed during the pandemic; here’s an updated list. 

Thinking of starting a YouTube channel? Here’s a beginner’s manual including screenshots on how to set it up, as well as tips on YouTube SEO & other marketing tactics. 

Don’t know what to put in your email newsletters? HubSpot picked 17 examples they think are awesome. 

Facebook rapidly revamped & expanded its video chat option to compete with Zoom & Houseparty, called Messenger Rooms. Note that “Room calls are not end-to-end encrypted, but Facebook says it does not view or listen to calls.” The are also working on the ability to charge people to watch live streams. 

Twitter had a good first quarter but the stock still fell because it does not look like they are recovering from the pandemic effects very quickly. 

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

As mentioned in my last edition, Google Shopping is now offering free listings on its US platform, and rolled out a bit early for some even though the start date was given as April 27. Your Etsy listings will not be shown in the free ads if you opt out of Etsy’s Offsite Ads program, and you are not allowed to add marketplace listings to GS yourself, but this may be something you are interested in for your website, if you sell to the US. Some tips on setting up Merchant accounts correctly for this here and here, and optimizing your listings here. If your standalone is on Shopify, they have instructions here. 

As ad prices are dropping for some items on some platforms, it has become easier for small businesses to start campaigns, especially experienced online sellers who can now take advantage of the ecommerce boom. [I agree with this for the right types of items or service, but I don’t think it is going to work for everything.]

New to online advertising, and don’t know where to start? HubSpot has a good introductory overview here, with details on the main options available. 

Google is offering ad credits to small & medium sized businesses as pandemic relief, starting in late May. Note that you need to have been running ads last year with Google to be eligible. . 

Google Ad users will soon need to submit proof of identity & location, starting with US users. The move is to help prevent scammers and increase transparency. Early response to the announcement is mixed. 

Facebook is no longer forcing advertisers to use its Campaign Budget Optimization, meaning businesses will continue to be able to set different budgets across all of their campaigns. 

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING 

If you have an ecommerce site built with Wordpress, here’s how to track your email newsletter clicks through Google Analytics. 

And for your ecommerce site, the best alerts to set up in GA. 

Bing Webmaster Tools has a great feature that tracks traffic to connected accounts other than your website or blog - but Twitter has been removed from this list. 

There are far more Instagram analytics apps than I thought. 

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

Many ecommerce platforms/website providers are being pressured to reduce the fake COVID-19 disinfectants on their sites, including eBay, Facebook, Shopify & Alibaba.

There is a new app that lets buyers shop with multiple businesses who run their sites through Shopify, called Shop. Among other things, it will feature businesses local to the user: “A recent survey of global consumers by Ernst & Young found that 34% of respondents are willing to pay more for local products amid the pandemic.”

Shopify’s stock is flying high right now, and it has become the second-most valuable company in Canada, in part due to the surge of sign ups after the start of the pandemic. 

Since page loading speed is important to buyer conversions as well as SEO, if you have a Shopify site, you will want to read about which themes are the fastest & slowest to load. A few are ridiculously slow, & you will want to consider your goals if you are thinking of using them. 

Jeff Bezos has moved back to managing Amazon operations due to the pandemic. “Bezos was also personally involved in Amazon’s decision to suspend third-party vendors from shipping non-essential items to Amazon’s warehouses, helping ease the load on workers so that they could more efficiently ship goods like baby products, groceries, pet supplies and personal care products.  He also signed off on Amazon’s move to halt tactics it normally uses “to encourage customers to put more items in their shopping carts”.

Meanwhile, Amazon VP states that Amazon has done a lot for sellers during the pandemic, including suspending “repayment of all Amazon Lending loans for sellers in the United States and the United Kingdom until April 30.” I guess that is why their profit fell to only $2.5 billion in the first quarter of 2020 despite their gross sales being up 29% due to the pandemic buying. 

Amazon’s pilot program for verifying new sellers by video calls is continuing; contrary to previous reports, they say they are not using facial-recognition technology, but they are checking photo ID against the video call. 

eBay has extended its suspension of most seller performance standard rules until June 19 for sellers in the UK. They are also extending their free listing offers, and after banning mask sales are now apparently envying Etsy’s sales and are encouraging sellers to make fabric masks.They are also planning a way to confirm sales that involve local pickups [podcast & transcript]. 

eBay had lower 1st quarter results than they & others had predicted, so the stock went down. Here is the call transcript for those interested. 

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE 

The pandemic sales trends have switched from hoarding essentials to food & home comfort items. “As spring eased toward summer, cooking at home also began to include gardening. "We see continued growth in gardening," said Ventry. ... Growing herbs, he said, played well with the home cooking trend, too. "We saw similar trends from 2008 to 2010, during the recession."

Ecommerce sales are way up, perhaps 50% up in the US right now, and some of these people will continue their increased online shopping, so it is a good time to launch many types of new campaigns. (warnings - some “not safe for work” language) 

HubSpot has been producing a weekly pandemic report on its customers core business stats, such as website traffic & sales rates. They speculate that we might be seeing a bit of an overall recovery as of last week. 

MISCELLANEOUS

There are still more good work-from-home articles coming out that can also be relevant for those of us who have been doing this for a while now. Using a schedule to be more productive is a common topic. As is managing to be productive with kids around. 

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/the-final-eclipse-of-2019-has-begun/

The Final Eclipse of 2019 Has Begun

The Final Eclipse of 2019 Has Begun

By A Gift From Gaia

The final eclipse of 2019 has begun, the final data dump of this incredible year that will resemble the death of many cycles hence why we are feeling the power building within our core, deep within our bellies there is a feeling growing, a knowing something is soon to show as an entirely new timeline to experience.

Personally what I am finding tricky to translate is how this may look, I realise I have no reference points for this power force of change coming in, unless I recall the patterns experienced in far away lives.

The change point, a place in time, a marker I am familiar with, I know its power I just can’t see it’s form, each time it has rolled around the world quantum leap’s. My words known as a young girl, I come at change points, feels only now fully activated and ready, for service.

Today the Ring of Fire will request the complete attention of our Masculine within, a pause, whilst we receive the full guidance of this incredible feminine energy as our moon steps in front of the Son.

A state of non action, for a while, long enough for the truth to be whispered within as to what must fully be released and moved into for the next phase of this Sea Goats wave, and then we release, the action phase, the dutiful masculine within taking the thoughts and feelings of our feminine guidance and moving those into action, those thoughts and feelings that yearn for peace, that is what we follow.

The energy of Capricorn is now, all must learn to surf, it is the energy of balance, teaching us how to leave the karmic spin, it teaches us about time and how we are transitioning from the old human time into Divine time, it teaches us about tradition and the attachments we hold, it teaches us about Earth, about Laws, Rules and Rulers, and this journey of Capricorn begins at the foot of the mountain, our foundations, and it will at some point see each on the mountain top, how many cycles of reincarnation is always a choice.

So whilst this is a very doing energy the key to unlock an expansive path in this moment is to take this Eclipse energy within, as I like to call it the Buddha wave, energetically taken deep inside the forest within, no want or need to be filled or distracted by anything external, just to be still and receive the direction for the next course, and from there, from that space of connection and receiving, that is where we action from, that is where we create from.

An immediate contradiction has been seen, our traditions being celebrated now are encouraging feasting, drinking and yet this Eclipse requires high vibrational eating, drinking, breathing, speaking, receiving, all feeds must be light to pass the portal. Those passing through will find the want to feast will be more like a want to fast as we move through, opting for frequency enhanced water, supporting and cleansing herbs with light food, this contradiction will highlight to those seeking the path of light how important it is and the commitment required to break free of social norms and traditions.

I’ll begin after Christmas being the ultimate Christmas self sacrifice spell and an immediate karmic deficit to begin the year.

This eclipse sits almost on the south node, this is the removal phase in which walkers of light often go through powerful SoulAr flares from within, flashes of heat radiating from the spine as each begins to move or spin faster, creating such a force that the remnants of old realised programming can dissolve, previously there would be resistance and the process would then manifest as a purge or perceived as sickness. However, each are working on different aspects, we are all moving through the same pattern even though that pattern responds differently to each frequency held, in other words the theme stays the same but how it presents is very different, but the point is the unconscious residue will begin to rumble and create the required release, some minds begin to get super busy, some realties get super busy and some experience super busy energy coursing within….I can vouch for the latter, as I said, being something I don’t yet have the reference points too, I cannot compare, I cannot yet see, but I can use words like ground shaking as my feet are beyond vibration and more like quaking!

What I did see as I woke, wasn’t too pleasing if you were to take the codes literally, my dream was of dead bees, everywhere, and the words were…it is done. Don’t panic these dreams are not to be taken literally, I am a quantum code master and the bees represented so many things, that what we are moving through will bring closure of the old to all, this shift will be seen by all, the bees represented the importance and how vast this will stretch and impact.

And this is hardly surprising as the Eclipse aligns with Jupiter, offering the path of expansion for those choosing to align to their new higher frequency and acting like a sonic boom to all that is unconscious.

Sun is also trine Uranus, to bring forth the plot twist.

These times are such a gift, to be here, to be present on Earth during this time is simply the greatest blessing, our dimensional world’s opening up into full availability for those who choose to experience the true secret this planet promised, the very thing man has been seeking since it’s creation was right under its nose all along, there was no mystery, the poison was greed and gain, the son of man showing us in its inability to share and care, throwing war heads out of prams, and we, the sons have continued this pattern and allowed it to become more and more fragmented, through our blindness to the Divine patterns, we have forgotten, that we are a part of that pattern, we are responsible for the course it takes.

Set your coordinates and let’s surf

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