#I just want to disappear I feel like I can’t do this

[cherryredstars]

Hi!! I love your writing! Can I request a Miguel fic where the (civilian) f!reader has never been in a relationship before and Miguel one day tells her he loves her after a while of dating. But the thing is, she’s never been in love before so she has no idea what being “in love” feels like cause she has nothing to compare it to. She definitely knows that whatever she’s feeling is the closest she’s ever gotten to it but she doesn’t want to tell him until she’s certain, so all she can tell him is “I’m falling in love with you” in response atm. Also if this could lead into a smut, that would be amazing👀👀 (maybe also a mini epilogue where she does tell him and his reaction?) thank you!!!

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x gn!reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Soft Penetrative Sex

A/N: Thank you, love! Enjoy!!

Unedited

It’s unfamiliar.

Everything, all of this.

And yet, he knows. He understands, he understands in a way you can’t and in a way no one has before. He doesn’t shun you or laugh at you for it. He just nods and smiles and takes your hand with the contrasting softness that seems impossible for worked fingers and says:

Let me show you what it feels like.

And it feels so fragile, so devoting.

His hands are like water as he caresses your skin, encompassing your body in sticky kisses and soft love bites. Nurturing as he soothes the bruised skin and pushes away hair from your face so you can see it all. Thrusts that are soft, yet defined so you can feel each inch that drags along your walls. A hand that reaches up to engulf yours when your lips part to let out mewls and breathy whines.

And he presses those sacred words into each nerve of your body.

I love you. I love you, I love you iloveyouiloveyouilove-

It’s like he’s trying to make the words, the feeling, seep into your skin and poison your blood stream. Like he wants your body to get high with the knowledge that this man feels so strongly for you, even if you’re unable to understand why. Like it’s already consumed him and he wants the infection to be spread. Yet, you ask him- beg him- between your soft moans and pleased gasps for him to keep saying it.

More. Again. Please, please pleasepleaseplease-

And it tips the both of you over. Ecstasy running through your body as you both release, panting each other’s name and refusing to let go. Holding on to each other like you might disappear or float away if they aren’t anchored to you. Only letting go when the bliss is nothing but a warm feeling in your stomach and the sweat cooling against your skin starts to feel uncomfortable.

And he loves you even then. You can see it, the greatest and gentlest love, as he cleans you. As he takes care of you even when your body feels weak and you aren’t sure you could be doing this for yourself. It radiates off of him as he runs a damp cloth over your body, pressure light on the oasis between your thighs.

This is love. Your brain and heart scream. This is what love is.

“I love you.”

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Aemond on a hot day and going for a swim

This one has been in my wip for so long. Whoever sent this, I am truly sorry

Warnings: 18+, nudity, mention of skinny dipping

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

The weather had been scorching hot in King’s Landing as of lately. It was so hot outside that it was impossible to go in the sun for longer than ten minutes without feeling light-headed. No one knew why it was happening nor when the weather would cool down. You just had to sweat through it.

You were heading out to court in the late morning, fanning yourself as you walked, when a hand caught your arm. 

‘’Where are you going?’’ Aemond's voice cut through the hot air. He wasn't wearing any leather, which was strange to see him without. 

‘’To court. Doreah is waiting for me. She is going to teach me how to thread fans. Would you like one, my love?’’ you asked, offering him a small smile. Your hair was tied back into braids instead of its usual loose waves, helping you stay cool. 

Aemond ignored your question, his jaw tight as he looked up from your dress. ‘’In that attire?’’ 

He never criticized your choice of clothing, letting you dress the way you desired, but he couldn’t let you leave the Red Keep in this dress. Absolutely not. 

‘’I made it myself using an old dress. My handmaiden had taught me to sew.’’ You smiled proudly, giving Aemond a small twirl. ‘’It’s light and breathable. Perfect for hot weather.’’ 

‘’It looks like undergarments,’’ Aemond remarked, his tone tight.

You promised to work on controlling your insolence, but right now Aemond had you rolling your eyes. ‘’It is not.’’ 

‘’I can see your breasts through it, therefore everyone can see them.’’ 

He didn’t want to sound possessive, but your body was for his eye only. Not perverted men at court. It made Aemond sick to even think a man of his court could pleasure himself to the thought of your body. If he ever catches anyone doing so, he wouldn’t hesitate to cut their head — or cock. 

‘’I opted out of a corset today. This heat makes it unbearable to wear.’’

‘’No corset?’’

You shook your head. ‘’No corset. Nothing.’’ 

Aemond raised an eyebrow. ‘’Nothing? As in…no undergarments either?’’ 

You tilted your head, a mischievous glint in your eye. ‘’Exactly, my Prince.’’ 

A group of servants walked by, averting their eyes from you and Aemond.  

‘’I say we walk back to our chambers and you see Doreah tomorrow. It is not appropriate for a lady to walk around dressed so scantily.’’  

‘’I have a better plan.’’ 

*

Aemond thought you had lost your mind when you suggested walking down Aegon’s hill under this heat. You were both sweating and out of breath when you reached the bottom of the hill, but you knew it would be worth it. 

As you were walking, Aemond changed his opinion on your dress. He still thought it was far too revealing to be worn outside your chamber, but when you started swaying your hips while walking, he couldn’t look away. It made his throat dry…and his breeches tight.

A smile curled on your face, seeing your destination in the distance. You pulled Aemond along, his hand sticking with yours from how humid it was. 

‘’We’re there,’’ you declared, standing before a small area of water deriving from the Blackwater Bay. There were a lot of trees around it, which hid it from the ships sailing through the bay. ‘’Let’s go for a swim.’’ 

Swimming sounded nice. He was completely drenched in sweat and the thought of jumping in the water was very tempting. Aemond looked around the secluded area. No one was around to spy on the Prince with his lady. He couldn’t help but notice the sweat dripping down your chest and neck and disappearing into your dress. 

‘’We can’t go swimming. Someone’s going to see us.’’ 

You rolled your eyes. ‘’There's no one here. Ever.’’ You reached a hand out and dragged your finger down the buttons of his linen shirt, slowly unbuttoning them. ‘’Just think of the cool water on your hot skin. Won't that feel nice?’’

Aemond’s breath hitched in his throat as you trailed your finger over his chest. He swallowed. ‘’We shouldn’t… Someone could be watching,’’ he said, his protests were growing weaker and weaker by the second.

‘’Can you quit worrying and just have a swim with me? It's just you and me here. Lose the clothes, my love.’’ You looked up at him, the corner of your lips curled into a mischievous smile. ‘’Besides, the water is deep enough that no one will see your milky white buttocks once you're in.’’

Aemond exhaled deeply through his nose. Your stubbornness knew no bounds.

‘’You’re going to be the death of me,’’ he muttered before finishing unbuttoning his shirt and peeling it off. He began unlacing his trousers, then paused. ‘’And my body does not look like milk,’’ he added dryly.

A giggle left your mouth, amused. You reached for the ties on each shoulder, pulled until they came undone. Your dress fell into a puddle at your feet, exposing you fully. 

Aemond swore his brain stopped working for a moment, his eye drinking in the sight of you completely nude in front of him. Gods, how did he get so lucky? You were a man's dream.

His throat went dry as he took a step forward. He gently placed his hands on your hips, his thumbs moving in small circles. ‘’Are you sure there’s no one here?’’ 

‘’There might be a rabbit or little ducklings...’’ 

It was Aemond’s turn to roll his eye. ‘’Very funny.’’ He finished undressing, pulling his breeches down before stepping out of them. 

You grinned at him. ‘’You love my sense of humor.’’ 

Aemond pulled you flush against him, your clammy skin sticking to his, before tilting your chin up to look him in the eyes. His gaze was dark, almost hungry. ‘’And I love shutting that sarcastic mouth of yours even more.’’ 

His words left you speechless, not expecting that from him. 

To prove his point, he leaned down and captured your lips in a kiss. You grabbed onto his shoulders as it turned deeper, his tongue slipping into your mouth. Heat spread through your body as you kissed, arousal slowly rising, and defeating the purpose of coming down here. 

You pulled away, feeling Aemond’s breath against your lips. ‘’Shall we go in the water before things escalate?’’

—

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[gingersxng]

Playtime

Pairing: f!reader x Yunho

Genre: smut 18+

Summary: your long time college crush and best friend shows a new side of himself when you two get alone together in an empty gym hall.

Notes: sub!reader, dom!yunho, best friends, fwb, making out, touching, dry humping, marking (hickeys), big dick yunho, public sex kinda, shower sex, unprotected sex (don’t), deep throating, blowjob, fingering, lots of cum, creampie, plenty of orgasms, handjob, finger sucking, cum eating, pet names (pup & honey), slight spanking, breeding kink. may have forgot something!

Words: 1.9k

you dribbled the ball towards the hoop about to make the final score, your legs were starting to weaken. you stopped in your tracks and shot your last shot right through the net. a big smile crossed your exhausted face as you slowly dropped to the floor to regain strength. you and your three friends used to stay after school to play some basketball in the empty gym hall.

“nice shot y/n!! wanna play one more?” your friend Wooyoung asked. “don’t think i have the energy for one more game guys, maby tomorrow” you threw your head back breathing heavy. “aww you’re no fun” San pouted at you, a face he often made at you.

your whole body ached and all you could think of right now was water, lots of it. you heard the sound of footsteps coming from behind your sitting frame, it was Yunho, your college crush, he was also part of your friend group. he knew you liked him and you knew he liked you but no one had been brave enough to make a move. he looked down at you giving you a smile, his hair was sticking to his forehead and sweat was dripping down his neck, god he looked hot. you patted the floor for him to sit beside you, he got down and handed you a water bottle. both of you just looked at each other in silence for a while until it was broken by your noisy friends.

“we’re heading home, you guys coming?!” San called from the door. you were about to tell him yes but Yunho cut you off. “go ahead we’re staying a bit longer!”. you looked at him with big eyes, he turned his gaze back to you with a happy smile. “alright, don’t do anything stupid kids!” San teased before they disappeared through the door.

“why do you want us to stay?” you tilted your head looking at the tall boy. he was quiet before he leaned in to your ear. “you can’t get away with this” the whisper sent chills down your spine all the way to your core. “can’t get away with what?” you whispered back. “always when I come near you you always wanna leave, why?”. you could feel how your cheeks blushed “I- I don’t know how to act when I’m alone with you..” you said silently as you looked down. “just be yourself, I’m a simple guy y/n” he gave you a smile. the only thing you did was playing with your hands, ignoring his face. “do I make you nervous?” his voice dropped an octave and it not only caught the attention of your ears but your pussy as well. you pressed your thighs together as you finally was able to look him in the eyes, they weren’t the soft shade of brown anymore, they’d turned dark.

Yunho caught on the little action of yours and raised an eyebrow. “oh do I make you that nervous, pup” he teased and leaned in to your face and looked down your cleavage and then back up at you again. having Yunho so close to you made your heart almost rip out of your chest, if you could you would run away but it was like your body was paralysed, you were stuck to the floor. sheesh he was even more handsome up close. you finally snapped out of your trance when his big hand grabbed yours “you alright?” he let out a small giggle looking at you questionably. trying not to look too nervous you gave him a soft smile and nodded “yeah, I’m alright, I just..” you stuttered searching for the right words. “I know..” was all he replied and before you knew it he leaned in and placed his lips onto yours, it caught you by surprise but you instantly melted into his actions.

there you were just the two of you alone sitting on the floor with each others tongues down your throats. Yunhos hands roamed your body feeling every curve on your small frame, you placed your hands on his thighs to push yourself up to meet his soft lips. your hand brushed against his growing erection earning a low groan from him, Yunho smirked into the heated kiss.

he grabbed your waist and laid himself down onto his back, he placed you on top of him, his erection poked you right were you wanted him. continuing the heated make out session on the floor you slowly began to roll your hips onto his dick, the sounds that escaped his mouth was out of this world, the deep moans and groans made your pussy go wild. Yunho returned the favour and bucked up his hips making you gasp, two can play at this game.

you moved down placing kisses along his long neck, you lifted up his oversized t-shirt exposing his toned stomach and chest. as you began to place small kisses along his abdomen Yunhos breathing became heavier and his whole body tensed up at your touches and kisses. “god y/n..” you moved further down kissing his happy trail all the way to the waistband on his shorts, his dick was standing right up aching to be touched by you. Yunho looked down at you with his mouth agape, as much as he wanted you to continue he stopped you before you could pull down his shorts. he grabbed your wrist and you gave him a worrying look “did I do something wrong?” you whispered afraid you maybe went too far. Yunho let out a chuckle as he looked at you “no you did everything right but we can’t do this here, there’s cameras” he pulled you down on his chest giving you a kiss “how about a shower?” your pussy clenched onto nothing knowing exactly where this was going “I’d love to” you kissed him.

you had sneaked in to the men’s showers and here Yunho had you naked on your knees sucking him off. his hand was placed on the back of your head helping you to guide your movements, he tried to be gentle but it was hard being this fucking horny as he was, the girl of his dreams his best friend now on her knees sucking his dick like an angel. his head was in the clouds for sure, you looked so beautiful with your pretty lips wrapped around his thick cock.

“fuck, your mouth feels so good” he bit his bottom lip trying to hold himself back from cumming too early, you started to deepthroat him making your eyes water, your nose touching his pubic bone. Yunho gripped your hair tightly trying to pull you back cause he was this close to cum and he didn’t want the fun to end yet.

your big puppy eyes met his lustfilled ones, damn he thought you looked so pretty sitting on your knees all naked and wet for him. he helped you stand up and once again his lips were on yours, his tongue fucking your throat as he played with your wet tits. your hands found their way down to his hard cock, grabbing on to his enormous length you began to pump him. Yunho broke the kiss only to throw his head back in pleasure, his adams apple gliding up and down as he swallowed hard. “just like that, fuck mmh”.

Yunho sneaked down his hand between your legs and toyed with your clit, he slowly slid his two long fingers into your tight cunt making a “come here” motion earning small moans from you as you continued to stroke his cock in the same rhythm.

“aah Yunho..” you moaned when he sped up his pace, your legs felt numb. he attacked your neck and collarbones leaving purple marks on your skin. your lower abdomen flexed and you could feel the tension growing bigger. “are you gonna cum on my fingers honey?” his thumb circling your swollen clit in insane speed making you see stars. Yunho started to twitch in your hand and the knot in your stomach was about to burst. Yunho stilled his hips and came all over your hand and stomach, at the same time you came all over his fingers, both of you catched your breaths trying to come back from your highs.

Yunho pulled out his fingers from your pussy and placed them on your lips, a smirk formed on his lips as he waited for you to open your mouth. you grabbed his wrist and wrapped your lips around his digits licking them clean of your cum. “good girl” he placed a soft kiss on your puffy lips “now turn around will you?” you raised an eyebrow at him as you turned around, your tits pushed up against the cold shower wall giving you shills.

he caressed your lower back and down to your ass cheeks, he spread them apart to take a good look at your swollen pussy which was about to get split open by his monster cock. he dragged his dick along your wet folds collecting some of your arousal, before he pushed himself in he leaned down to your ear “you don’t understand how long I’ve been wanting to do this”. you replied with a moan, he pulled back watching how your pussy clenched around nothing. he couldn’t wait anymore, he had to fuck you right now.

Yunho grabbed your hips tightly and pushed himself inside you little by little so you’d be able to adjust to his thick girth. your mouth dropped open and a airy moan left your mouth as you could feel how your pussy got split open by Yunhos cock. “Yunho.. you’re too big” you said holding onto the wall for dear life. “fuck you’re so tight, relax honey” he moved one of his hands from your hip to your breast, as he massaged it he could feel how you loosened up better. after he had let you adjust to him he began to fasten his pace, his dickhead brushing against your cervix over and over again sending you to the moon.

you heard a slap and then a stinging feeling grew on your ass, you looked back at Yunho and were met by a fuck drunk man spanking your ass until his handprint was visible. Yunho increased the speed and the sound of skin slapping ringed in his ears, the way your tits flew back and forth was the icing on the cake. the tingling feeling in your stomach crept back up on you and suddenly it got harder to stand up, Yunho felt how you clenched around him, he only thrusted deeper into you testing you.

“gonna let me cum inside this little pussy of yours?” he growled, his fingers dug into the flesh of your hips. “yes please Yunho, breed me” you whined feeling how you were on the brink of cumming. Yunhos cock twitched at your words, he rolled his hips pushing his cock deeper before you could feel ropes of cum spurting inside you and it was a lot. he stayed inside until he had emptied all his cum in your cunt. drawing circles on your clit you finally came too, your thick cream slowly coated Yunhos dick. you were so tired and only waited for Yunho to pull out.

“things aren’t gonna be the same again after this right?” you broke the silence sounding a bit worried if you’d destroyed your friendship. “well of course it won’t be the same but I would be really into a friends with benefits kinda thing tho, if you’re up for it” Yunho panted as he pulled out, your gaping hole was leaking lots of cum. what he’d do to eat you out right there and then. “guess it would be alright” you shot him a tired smile.

as time went by you both realised it would lead to bigger things than just a fwb situation.

[hihhasotherfixations]

Can you make a Drabble of reader telling price she has a teen from a previous relationship and the teen doesn’t trust price with their mom.

Why of course UwU Hope it came out like you wanted!

CW: fem!reader, no further warnings

Word Count: 1825

Dating in his late thirties wasn’t a thing Price was used to. Nor was it something he ever expected to happen. But you? You turned his world upside down.

It had been a casual thing. Price and you, both a little unsure, seeing each other every other week. Sure, deployments sometimes got in the way, but it was consistent. It was nice.

But casual slowly started to change to something more. And now, you had invited him to your house. For dinner, and to come meet your son.

Price knew of your previous relationship and divorce, the two of you had spent several nights at dinner tables bashing the things your ex did - much to both of your enjoyment. So he knew about your son. He was fifteen now, right around that age where everything parents do are wrong and unjust.

But you had explained your son was not like that. He was kind, a complete mama’s boy. He was your rock and your life and everything Price heard about him made him gain an appreciation for the kid.

Surely if he was like that, meeting him wouldn’t be a problem, right?

Well, that was the attitude he’d went into this dinner with. And he was sorely regretting not preparing more thoroughly now.

He’d been called away on a mission last minute, getting back into the country literally an hour before he had to be at your house.

So now here he sat, hair still damp from his quick shower, clothes the fastest thing he could find - a crumpled dress-shirt stuffed into maroon pants - and an overall flustered look to him.

After all, he just flew across the continent twice within 38 hours.

He’d tried to be casual, tried to introduce himself well to the kid. You seemed to approve of everything he’d said. But judging from the scrutinising stare down he was currently getting, your son didn’t think the same.

“So… Do you know what you wanna study after high school?” Price asked, trying to keep the conversation afloat, but it’d felt like a sinking ship for the last twenty minutes.

In response, the boy just shrugged and Price hummed, rolling the pasta on his plate with his fork a bit, trying to think of anything to say.

“Lew.” You sighed at your son.

“What?” He huffed back, twirling the salt shaker on the table. “It’s a stupid question. I don’t know yet. Of course I don’t.”

At that, Price watched as you turned a little more stern, looking at the kid. “Then you can say that politely. Come now, John tried his very best to be here today.”

Glancing at you, Lewis scoffed, giving Price a brief glare that made the military captain tilt his head in both confusion and intrigue. After all, he did nothing wrong as far as he knew.

“Sorry to have brought uncertainty.” He decided to speak up, getting the teen’s attention. “It’s sometimes a bit dodgy with my line of work.”

What was supposed to be a lighthearted comment meant to shed light, instead caused Lewis to glare at Price, slamming his fork down “You gonna leave my mom behind too then?” He spat and you gasped.

“Young man, that’s quite enough!” You started but Price then held up his hand.

“I get it, Lewis.” The man sighed. “Trust me I do. It’s been something your mother and I have talked about a lot.” He started, clasping his hands together in front of himself, elbows on the table as he put his thoughts into words. “My work is… well, shifty.” He sighed. “I’m not a fan of it, but it is what it is. I can’t guarantee that I’ll always be around, that I won’t ever disappear with minimum notice.”

Lewis’ jaw clenched as he listened. But Price kept going, because the kid was fifteen, and he didn’t feel like sugarcoating it. He was smart and old enough.

“But I can guarantee this: I will always keep your mother - and if you wish, you - in the loop. I won’t just leave. I’m not that kind of man.”

Crossing his arms, Lewis leaned back in his chair. “What kind of man are you then? Military big shot?”

Chuckling a little at that, Price looked at the boy. “Tell me this, do you trust your mom?” He motioned to you at that and, confused, Lewis nodded.

“Of course, why?”

“Then trust her that she won’t date some pompous asshole who can’t see beyond his own rank.”

Pursing his lips, Lewis had nothing to say to that, grumpily looking down at his plate instead.

“Kid-“

“Don’t call me that!” He snapped and John shut up. Almost instinctively, his military commander side wanted to rear up, scold him for yelling at his senior, but he restrained himself, instead looking at the angry teen. “You can’t just barge in here, into mom’s life, and expect me to take it laying down!”

Hearing that, you leaned forward onto the table. “Lewis, we’ve talked about this. You agreed to this dinner, you cannot act like this!”

A frown was on your face, almost borderline angry - something John hadn’t ever seen before.

But Lewis didn’t budge, now looking at you. “I won’t stop, mom! It’s obvious, I mean look at him!” He angrily gestured to the brunet, making John’s brows furrow.

“What about him?”

“Don’t make me say it out loud!”

“Lewis.” Your voice was hard and concise.

“He’s not good enough for you!” Lewis then yelled, a silence immediately falling.

Hearing it, Price clenched his jaws, a tightness forming in his chest as he then looked over to you. You held a frown, looking at your son.

“Lew…”

“I’m not hungry.” Without another word, the boy shoved his plate away and got up, storming off.

Speechless, you went to open your mouth, to get up to chase after him, but Price stopped you by placing his hand over yours, his eyes calm, hiding the hurt as he just looked at you.

“Just let him go. Speaking from experience, it’s best to let him cool off and gather his thoughts.”

Conflicted, you looked at him. “I- I don’t get why he’s being like this…” You said softly and John squeezed your hand, a loaded sigh leaving him.

“It’s a big change for him. You can’t blame the boy.” He said, pulling his hand back as he glanced to where Lewis left. “Admittedly, I didn’t think it would go like this. But I also didn’t think he’d accept me into the dynamic instantly. Just don’t take his words to heart right now.” The captain spoke, turning his head back to face you as he then gave you a kind, little smile, the lines around his eyes crinkling gently.

Sighing, you nodded as you placed your head in your hands.

“Dinner’s great, by the way.”

At his sudden comment, you let out a startled little laugh that made John’s heart flutter.

- - - -

Sitting on your porch with a cigar, Price looked out at the night sky. After he stormed off, neither you nor him had seen any sign of Lewis. It truly did put a damper on the evening.

Smoke gently exited Price’s mouth before being picked up by the wind and blown away.

Behind him, the door then opened and he glanced back, his eyes widening a bit as he saw Lewis standing there, a sour expression on his face as he kept his eyes firmly to the ground.

“Hey.” He muttered and Price took the cigar out of his mouth.

“Hi.” He replied, analysing the teen. He didn’t seem entirely thrilled to be here, possibly sent out here by you. It made the captain want to scoff a chuckle. But he didn’t and instead patted the spot beside him where he sat on the stairs of the porch. “Wanna sit?”

“I don’t like-“

“I’ll put it out.” John shushed, holding the cigar away a little. It made Lewis look up, however.

“Aren’t those crazy expensive?”

Chuckling a little, Price crossed his ankle over his knee, pushing the cigar into the underside of his boot. “Yep. But that’s okay.”

Tentatively, Lewis walked over, sitting down besides the man.

“I have to… say sorry. For what I said.” He mumbled and John turned his head, a kinder look on his face, almost serene.

“By your mother?”

Pursing his lips, Lewis turned to look at Price, only to see an amused twinkle in the older man’s eye.

“Maybe.” He instead grumpily mumbled and John just huffed in amusement, turning to look forward as he leaned his elbows on his knees, absentmindedly starting to twirl the extinguished cigar in his hands.

“I get it, Lewis.” He started, his eyes focused on the night sky and his voice soft - almost as if he didn’t want to break the serenity of the night. “Your mom? She’s a wonderful woman. Kind, generous, sweet.” Looking down, Price then focused on his cigar. “You probably don’t want to hear this, but I really like her. And I think she likes me too. I hope so, at least.” With that, he turned his head to the teen.

Lewis was looking at him, a conflicted expression on his face.

“I don’t want to come in here to play family, kid. I’m not your dad and I won’t pretend to be.” He said and then glanced at the door. “I just want to give her what she deserves.” He nudged his head towards the house.

“What I said about you not being good enough…” Lewis mumbled and John sighed, now turning to face the teen.

“Don’t bother. Honestly, you may be right.” He hummed, leaning his head back into the porch railing. “I won’t say I’m a perfect man. Far from it. But what I said at the table is true. I will always try to do right by her. And you too - if you’ll let me.”

Contemplating, Lewis looked out from the porch.

“Why mom?” He said after a moment and Price looked at him.

“Because she’s the first one in a long time to give me a chance. Despite my job and what I’ve done.”

At that, the teen angled his head, taking the brunet beside him in. “Really? What have you done?” He asked, a hint of a smile on his face.

Seeing it, Price huffed a chuckle, pocketing the dud cigar. “That’s classified, I’m afraid.”

“Lame.” Lewis scoffed, but there was no animosity in it and Price smiled to himself.

“Tell you what.” He said, sitting upright and looking at the boy. “You give me a chance and I might tell you some stories.” He held out his hand.

Looking at it, Lewis seemed skeptical at first, glancing at the peace offering. But then he sighed and reached out, shaking hands.

“If you hurt my mom I will kick your ass.”

Laughing, John slapped the kid on the shoulder. “If I do, I’ll let you.”

[gyutopia]

bad habits | sim jaeyun + yang jungwon

ꕤ DESCRIPTION: Sim Jaeyun will always have a part of your heart; he was the first man you ever loved and the first man to ever break your heart. Yang Jungwon however, was the first man to ever sacrifice for you and your happiness. Now that you have Jake, you can’t help but wonder if you’ve made a catastrophic mistake.

❥ PAIRING: boyfriend!jake x f!reader & situationship!jungwon

❥ GENRE: slice of life!au, college!au

❥ WORD COUNT: 17.6k

⟶ WARNINGS: soft dom!jake, sub!reader, oral (f!receiving), p in v intercourse, underaged drinking, swearing, possessive!jungwon, mentions of sobriety, heartbreak, mentions of smoking and drugs, cheating (?), let me know if i missed anything !

ꕤ A/N: this is the continuation of overpass graffiti…can you tell i’m an ed sheeran lover? :)

“Am I doing something wrong?” Jake asks as he lifts his head from your core.

It’s currently around three in the morning, you woke up a few minutes ago unable to find any peace in your dreams and after constantly tossing and turning, you accidentally woke up Jake who tried luring you back to sleep with a kiss which quickly escalated to heavily making out and him making his way down south.

You whine, tugging at his hair and encourage him to continue. “What makes you think you could possibly be doing something wrong?”

“You look like you’d prefer to be anywhere else.” Rather than continuing like you had told him to, Jake lets one finger graze the length of your pussy, teasing your entrance slowly to try and turn you on again after realizing you were no longer wet. “What are you thinking of, love?”

Your thoughts instantly fly back to what has been plaguing your mind for the past four days and you immediately push his hands away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jake watches you fix your pajamas which consist of his oversized shirt and boxers before pulling the sheets over your body. He follows after you, waiting for an explanation. When you say nothing, he speaks up.

“Hey, no more secrets, remember?”

He slides an arm around your waist and pulls you in closer to his body. You inhale deeply at the reminder of your words. You sigh, chewing on your lip as you try to form a sentence without possibly upsetting him.

“I know it’s just…” You trail off and try to think through your emotions. You want to be upfront with him and let him know what you’re truly thinking and feeling but you barely know how to process it yourself let alone let someone else know what’s going on in your mind.

“I don’t know how to put it into words yet.”

“If you’re not ready to talk about it,” He pulls back to offer you a lopsided smile and places a kiss on your cheek, “It’s fine. Tell me whenever you are.”

Hesitantly, you nod; kissing his cheek before turning around and letting him spoon you. As you feel him drift into sleep, the weight of his arm slumping completely over your waist, your thoughts fly back to four nights ago, when your life seemingly took a drastic turn.

After Jake professed his love to you in the rain on Newbury street, the two of you took an uber back to his dorm to dry off and talk about the logistics of your relationship. It completely slipped your mind to tell your friends where you had disappeared off to and it didn’t help that your phone had died on the way to your destination.

You were once again so wrapped up in Sim Jaeyun that you were throwing caution to the wind and yet again placing him above yourself and others in your life. It wasn’t until six hours after you had arrived at his did you bother to charge your phone. Once the device turned on, the text messages came swarming in.

[November 18th, 2:17 PM]

[jungwon]: are you on your way?

[jungwon]: the rain is coming down hard i can meet you halfway if you want. i brought an extra umbrella just in case ^-^

[November 18th, 3:27 PM]

[jungwon]: y/n? i’m getting concerned it’s pouring

[jungwon]: are you okay?

[November 18th, 5:45 PM]

[jungwon]: avi told me about jake

[jungwon]: seriously y/n? you went back to that jerk??

[November 18th, 5:48 PM]

[avi]: you just couldn’t help yourself huh?

[avi]: i hope jake was worth it lol

[November 18th, 5:50 PM]

[beomgyu]: :/

[beomgyu]: the least you could do is respond to jungwons texts.

[November 18th, 6:53 PM]

[avi]: do you plan on ignoring all of us?

[avi]: at least let us know you’re okay.

[November 18th, 6:55 PM]

[jungwon]: i’m sorry for getting mad earlier but please let me know you’re okay y/n

[jungwon]: i’m worried.

[jungwon]: we don’t have to talk about jake just pls let me know where you are

[November 18th, 6:59 PM]

[avi to-toilet texters]: i’m done with the private messages

[avi to-toilet texters]: where are you y/n this isn’t funny.

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: we’re not mad we just want to make sure you’re okay

[November 18th, 7:39 PM]

[avi to-toilet texters]: shit guys i’m scared

[avi to-toilet texters]: should we call the cops?

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: wait let’s try her location first

[avi to-toilet texters]: …do you seriously think jungwon and i haven't tried that already?

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: fuck

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: i’m sorry i’m just freaking out this isn’t like her

[jungwon to-toilet texters]: i just checked all over campus

[jungwon to-toilet texters]: she’s not here

[avi to-toilet texters]: fuck

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: fuck

[avi to-toilet texters]: this is the jake effect.

[avi to-toilet texters]: he shows up for two seconds and now look

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: avi…

To say you were embarrassed would be an understatement. You quickly responded to the groupchat letting them know about your whereabouts and the circumstances as to why it took you so long to get back to them. None of them were pleased.

Apparently, Jungwon and Beomgyu were only a minute away from marching down to the police station to file a missing persons report. Avi didn’t hold back her anger and annoyance with you. The second you responded to the group chat with your measly apology she was calling you and going in over the phone.You shiver as you think back to her cold words.

"You've really done it this time, haven't you?" she snaps, her tone cutting through the air like a knife. "I can't believe you'd be so reckless, so selfish. And for what? For that jerk?"

Her words strike a nerve, a pang of guilt twisting in your chest as you struggle to find the right response. But before you can gather your thoughts, Avi's tirade continues, her voice growing more heated with each passing moment.

"You're no better than him, you know," she continues, her words heavy with disdain. "Hurting Jungwon like that, just to chase after some guy who doesn't give a damn about you? You two deserve each other."

The weight of her words hangs heavy in the air, a painful reminder of the rift between you and your friends.

"I'm sorry, Avi," you whisper, your voice barely above a whisper. "I never meant to hurt anyone. But please, try to understand..."

But before you can finish, Avi cuts you off, her voice cold and dismissive. “Try to understand? ____, Jungwon was ready to call the cops!"

You wince at her words, the guilt weighing heavily on your shoulders. "I-I'm sorry, Avi," you stammer, your voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to worry you guys. It's just... things got complicated."

"Complicated?" Avi scoffs, her disbelief evident. "You mean you were too wrapped up in Sim Jaeyun to even bother letting us know you were okay?"

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you listen to her words, the reality of the situation hitting you like a punch to the gut. "I'm sorry," you repeat, your voice trembling with emotion. "I didn't mean to hurt you guys. I just... I needed some time to figure things out."

"I don't want to hear it," she snaps, her tone final. "Jungwon didn’t deserve what you did to him. You deserve the inevitable pain that comes with Jake."

With that, she ended the call, leaving you reeling in the aftermath of her anger. That was four days ago. Out of shame you’ve been hiding out in Jake’s dorm, too embarrassed to even show your face on your own campus. Jake, having heard the heated conversation from his seated position next to you on his couch, offered to let you sleep over until Avi cooled down and you felt more comfortable to go home.

But as the days come to pass you don’t think you’ll ever be ready to go back home. If there even is a home for you to go back to. Every night you fall asleep thinking of your friends and how you’ve messed things up, how they’re doing, if they miss you as much as you miss them, if they’ll ever forgive you. Especially Jungwon.

He just won’t leave your thoughts. You wake up thinking of him and fall asleep dreaming of him. You know eventually you’ll have to man up and make amends with him but a part of you fears you’ve messed up too greatly this time. That Jungwon no longer wants anything to do with you and you can’t blame him for that.

You led him on and let him hold onto the false narrative of the two of you becoming something only to leave him in the dust once Jake came around. There’s an unsettling feeling bubbling up in your chest as you once again analyze your decisions.

You’re happy with Jake, right? This is what you’ve always wanted and yet you have this gut feeling you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life.

“You’re thinking too loudly, babe, please go to sleep.” Jake mumbles while yawning, pulling you closer. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

You hope so, too.

Present day | November 22nd

“Wake up!”

The sound of Jay's cheerful voice breaks through the haze of sleep, pulling you from the comfort of Jake's embrace. With a soft groan, you bury your face deeper into the warmth of the blankets, reluctant to leave the cocoon you've found.

"Wake up sleepy heads!" Jay's voice calls again, this time accompanied by the gentle shake of your shoulder.

Reluctantly, you peel open your eyes, blinking against the intrusion of light filtering in through the window. Jake stirs beside you, his arm tightening around your waist in a silent bid for you to stay a little longer.

But with a sigh, you muster the strength to sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you glance at Jay with a sheepish smile. "Morning," you mumble, your voice thick with sleep.

Jay grins back at you, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he gestures towards the clock on the wall. "Come on, you two. Sunghoon and Heeseung are waiting, and I made breakfast!"

The mention of food perks up Jake's interest, and he shoots you a playful grin before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. "You heard the man," he says, his voice laced with excitement. "Let's go eat!"

With a shared laugh, you and Jake follow Jay out of the bedroom and into the cozy kitchenette of their dorm. The scent of freshly cooked pancakes fills the air, mingling with the aroma of brewing coffee as Jay sets the table with an infectious energy.

As you settle down to breakfast with Jake and Jay, the warmth of their friendship washes over you, bringing you genuine joy with their connection.

As you sip your coffee and dig into the delicious pancakes Jay prepared, you find yourself reflecting on the bond you've been forming with him over the past couple of days. It wasn’t easy at first, considering the tension that arose between him and Beomgyu at the party. But Jay's sincere apology and explanation about his protective nature towards Jake helped to ease the tension.

You remember how he had approached you two days ago, a sheepish smile on his face as he apologized for his near fight with Beomgyu. His explanation had made sense, and his genuine remorse had been evident. Jay's willingness to take responsibility for his actions had impressed you, and it had been the first step towards building trust between you.

And then, there was his joke about nearly stealing you away from Jake at the party, a playful comment that had brought a smile to your lips. Despite the initial awkwardness between you, Jay's sense of humor had helped to break the ice and pave the way for a more comfortable interaction.

As you glance at Jay now, chatting animatedly with Jake as they discuss their plans for the day, you can't help but feel grateful for his presence in your life. His friendship has become an unexpected source of support and laughter, adding a new dynamic to your relationship with Jake.

With a newfound sense of appreciation for the friendship blossoming between you and Jay, you join in the conversation, eagerly anticipating the group hang out with Sunghoon and Heeseung.

With a curious glint in your eyes, you turn to Jay and Jake, the question lingering on the tip of your tongue. "What are Heeseung and Sunghoon like?" you inquire, eager to learn more about their friends.

Jay's grin widens at your question, his enthusiasm contagious. "Heeseung’s the mood maker," he begins, his voice filled with admiration. "He's the most social out of all of us and always knows how to keep the energy up."

Jake nods in agreement, a fond smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, Heeseung is on the basketball team, and he's got this natural charm that draws people to him," he adds. "You'll love him."

“As for Sunghoon," Jay continues, his expression thoughtful, "he's a bit more reserved at first, but when you get to know him, he's a certified yapper. Once he warms up, he's got a lot to say."

Jake snorts, “yeah, if you thought I was bad Sunghoon’s worse, don’t get him started on Yeji or anything skating related he’ll never shut up.”

You perk up at the mention of another girl, “Yeji? Is that his girlfriend?”

Jay nearly spits out his coffee and Jake doubles over from the force of his laughter.

You frown. “What, did I say something wrong?”

Jake shakes his head and wraps his arm around your shoulder to bring you in, “No baby, Yeji is his little sister.”

Your mouth makes an O shape as it sinks in why they were so amused, “my bad.” You sheepishly murmur.

Jay wipes away a tear of laughter as he recovers, still chuckling. "No worries, happens to the best of us."

Jake gives you a reassuring squeeze before releasing you. "Yeah, Sunghoon practically worships the ground his little sister walks on," he explains, his laughter subsiding into a warm smile. "You'll see what we mean when you meet him."

With the misunderstanding cleared up, you finish up breakfast with Jake and Jay, the lively conversation and laughter filling the small kitchenette. As the last of the dishes are washed and dried, you make your way back to Jake's room to get ready for the day ahead.

As you rummage through your limited selection of clothes, Jake enters the room with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I've got something for you," he says, holding up a small shopping bag.

Curious, you peek inside to find a Harvard hoodie nestled within. It's maroon with the school's name printed on the front with its emblem up in the corner. You stare at the hoodie, not sure what to make of it. "Jake, you didn't have to..."

He cuts you off with a grin. "I wanted to," he insists, his eyes warm with affection. “I have a matching one, plus if you do decide to transfer you need to have a Harvard hoodie, it’s a rite of passage here!”

Your hum as your mind flashes back to the conversation you had with Jake a few days ago.

You were walking through Harvard’s campus on your way to his dorm. The imposing, ivy-covered buildings made you feel out of place, a stark reminder that this had once been your dream school. 

"I still can't believe you're here," you had said, half in awe and half in melancholy. "I used to imagine myself walking these paths every day."

Jake had looked at you, his expression serious. "You could still be here, you know. Transferring is always an option."

You had laughed then, a little bitterly. "It's not that simple, Jake. I have friends at Northeastern, a life... And Harvard feels so far away now."

Jake had stopped walking, turning to face you. "But if it makes you happy, isn't it worth considering? We could be together, and you'd finally be living your dream."

You had sighed, looking away. "I don't know, Jake. It's a lot to think about."

Shaking off the memory, you manage a small smile, touched nonetheless by the sentiment of his gift. "Thanks, Jake. I appreciate it," you say, your mind still swirling with conflicting emotions. On one hand, the thought of transferring to Harvard, being with Jake, and starting fresh is appealing. But on the other hand, the guilt of potentially betraying Avi, Jungwon, and Beomgyu tugs at your heart. They were your first friends here, and you can’t picture a life where they’re not in it.

As you slip on the hoodie, a comfortable warmth spreads through you, though it does little to ease the turmoil inside. Jake watches you, his smile faltering slightly as he notices your pensive expression.

"Hey," he says softly, breaking the silence. "Have you given it any more thought? Transferring, I mean."

You take a deep breath, turning to face him. "Honestly, no. I haven't really had the chance to think it through."

Jake's face softens, and he steps closer, taking your hands in his. "I understand. It's a big decision. But can you promise me one thing?"

"What?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Promise me that you'll at least think about it. Not for me, but for yourself. You deserve to follow your dreams, and I don't want you to have any regrets."

You look into his earnest eyes, feeling a mix of gratitude and guilt. "I promise, Jake. I'll think about it."

He smiles, squeezing your hands gently. "That's all I ask."

You take another deep breath, pushing aside your worries for now. "Ready to go meet your friends?" you ask, trying to keep your voice light.

Jake nods, his smile widening. "Yeah, they're excited to meet you. The MFA is going to be amazing."

You grab your tote bag and head towards the door with him once he finishes getting dressed. As you step out into the hallway, you can't help but glance back at the dorm room you've been staying in, wondering how long you'll be caught between two worlds.

You join Jay in the living room, where he's waiting with the keys to his car in hand. "Ready to go?" he asks, flashing you a grin.

You nod eagerly, excitement bubbling within you as you anticipate the day ahead. With a final glance around the room, you follow Jay and Jake out of the dorm and into the chilly afternoon, ready to meet the people Jake considers his closest friends now.

As you pile into Jay's car, the excitement in the air is palpable. Jake takes the driver's seat, you settle into the passenger side, and Jay slides into the back, sandwiched between you. The engine roars to life, and with a grin from Jake, the car pulls out onto the road.

The ride is short but lively, filled with laughter and playful banter as you share stories and jokes. The music blasts from the speakers, a mishmash of songs from all your playlists, creating the perfect soundtrack for the journey. You find yourself singing along to familiar tunes, feeling the carefree joy of the moment wash over you.

Before you know it, Jake is pulling into a parking spot near the Museum of Fine Arts, and you all pile out of the car, eager to explore the exhibits.

Heeseung and Sunghoon are already waiting by the ticket booth, chatting animatedly as they purchase the tickets for the group. Heeseung's infectious smile lights up his face as he catches sight of you, and he waves enthusiastically.

"Jay! Jake!" he calls out, his voice friendly and welcoming. "Glad you could make it. I've been looking forward to finally meeting the ever so famous, ____ ."

Jake returns his smile with one of his own. "Aye~ chill out." he replies, his tone filled with a hint of embarrassment.

Sunghoon joins in, his own smile warm and inviting. "Nice to meet you," he says, nodding in your direction. "Jake's been talking about you nonstop."

You chuckle at the teasing remark, feeling a sense of ease settle over you in their presence. Despite the nerves that come with meeting new people, Heeseung and Sunghoon's friendly demeanor puts you at ease, and you can't help but feel excited for the day ahead.

With tickets in hand, you all make your way into the museum, ready to immerse yourselves in the world of art and culture.

As your group strolls through the museum, the array of artwork captivates your attention. Jake and Sunghoon, engrossed in the intricate details of Japanese art, wander ahead, their conversation a mix of admiration and fascination. Jay, however, lags a bit behind, his steps deliberate as he scrutinizes each piece with a keen eye.

Meanwhile, Heeseung and you find yourselves falling into step, engaged in a conversation about Jake. Heeseung's relief is palpable as he expresses his happiness about the reconciliation between you and Jake.

"He's been so happy lately," Heeseung confides, his voice filled with genuine happiness for his friend. "I'm really glad you two made up. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders."

You nod in understanding. "Yeah, I'm glad we cleared the air. It feels good to be back on good terms."

Heeseung's smile widens, his eyes reflecting warmth. "You have no idea how much it means to him," he assures you.

You smile, not sure what to say in response. Sensing this Heeseung changes the topic.

“So, how do you like Boston?”

“It’s great! There’s so much to do. My friends and I love going to Newbury for the food festivals.” You say, a small smile on your face at the chance of talking about your friends.

Heeseung nods. “That sounds fun. Have you been to Allston yet? The kbbq  there is incredible.”

“Not yet, but it’s on my list,” you reply. “Jake keeps promising to take me.”

Heeseung chuckles. “He’d better. It’s a must-see.”

As you continue walking through the museum, admiring the exhibits, a wave of guilt washes over you as you stare at the back of Jake’s head. Memories of the previous night flood your mind, the warmth of Jake's embrace juxtaposed with the lingering doubts about your feelings for Jungwon.

Caught between the past and the present, you struggle to push aside the nagging thoughts that something isn’t right.

Heeseung glances at you before clearing his throat to ask, “are you transferring to Harvard?”

Caught off guard, you shake your head. “Why do you ask?”

His eyes shift down to the hoodie and understanding dawns on you.

“Oh. No, it was a gift from Jake. I’m still at Northeastern.”

Heeseung nods thoughtfully. “Makes sense. But you know, if you did transfer, it would probably help Jake a lot.”

You furrow your brow in confusion. “Help him? How?”

Heeseung’s brows pinch together as he frowns, "his sobriety?”

The revelation hits you like a ton of bricks, leaving you momentarily speechless as you stop walking. You had no idea that Jake had ever struggled with substance abuse.

Heeseung's face slowly falls as he realizes his mistake, cursing softly under his breath as he realizes he's dropped a bombshell on you without warning. "I'm sorry," he says, his voice tinged with regret. "I shouldn't have just blurted that out like that, I thought he told you."

You shake your head, trying to process the newfound information while also feeling a pang of sympathy for Heeseung's evident discomfort. "No, it's okay," you assure him, offering a reassuring smile despite the whirlwind of emotions churning within you.

Heeseung's expression softens, gratitude evident in his eyes as he meets your gaze. "Thanks," he murmurs, a note of relief in his voice. "I’m sure he’ll tell you soon, he’s been meaning to."

You nod in understanding, the weight of Heeseung's words sinking in as you come to terms with the realization that there's still so much about Jake's life that you don't know. "I'll wait for him to bring it up," you promise.

With a grateful smile, Heeseung bumps you on the shoulder before turning to rejoin the rest of the group, leaving you alone with your thoughts amidst the bustling museum crowds.

As the group continues to explore the museum, you find it increasingly difficult to focus on the artwork around you. You think about Jake’s struggles and the possibility of transferring to Harvard. While the idea of being there to support him is compelling, you can’t ignore the nagging guilt about Avi, Jungwon, and Beomgyu. They’ve always been there for you, and you don’t want to let them down by choosing Jake yet again.

Despite the vibrant chatter and laughter of your friends, you feel a growing sense of unease gnawing at your conscience.

When Jake suggests grabbing some food from El Jefe, your stomach churns with conflicting emotions. The prospect of spending more time with your newfound friends is enticing, but the memories of late nights at that very restaurant with Jungwon after studying all night fills you with sadness.

As you follow the group out of the museum and into the chilly streets of Boston, you realize just how close you are to your dorm. A pang of sadness tugs at your heart as you remember Avi and Beomgyu as well, wondering what they’re up to. The thought of facing them again fills you with apprehension, yet a part of you longs for the familiarity of their company.

As you approach El Jefe, the scent of delicious Mexican food wafts through the air, tempting your taste buds but as you guys gather around a table, eagerly discussing the meal choices, you find yourself hesitating.

"I think I'm gonna pass on lunch," you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper as you address Jake and the others. "I... I need to take care of something."

Jake's brow furrows with concern as he meets your gaze, sensing the sudden shift in your demeanor. "Are you okay?" he asks, his voice filled with genuine worry.

You force a smile, though it feels strained on your lips. "Yeah, I'll be fine," you assure him, though the lie tastes bitter in your mouth.

Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon exchange puzzled glances, sensing the tension in the air. But before anyone can question you further, you push back your chair and rise to your feet, the need for solitude outweighing the discomfort of their curious stares.

"Sorry, I just... I need to talk to someone," you explain vaguely, not wanting to burden them with the weight of your emotions.

Jake's expression softens with understanding, and he nods in silent acknowledgment of your unspoken plea. "Take all the time you need," he says gently, reaching out to squeeze your hand in a silent gesture of support.

With a grateful smile, you offer him a nod before turning on your heel and making your way out of the restaurant, the familiar ache of loneliness lingering in your chest.

First, you head to Wollaston's to buy cherry gummy bears for Jungwon. The bright, familiar packaging gives you a momentary sense of comfort, a small reminder of the inside jokes and shared moments with your friends.

With the gummy bears safely tucked into your bag, you make your way to your dorm room, your heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and anxiety.

Taking a deep breath, you push open the door and step into the lit hallway, the sound of your footsteps echoing against the walls. With each step, the tension in your shoulders mounts, the anticipation of facing Avi after so long weighing heavily on your mind.

Finally, you reach your dorm and let yourself in. You spot Avi’s shoes at the entrance, proving she’s home, but you find the little living room and kitchen empty, meaning she’s in her room. You walk up to her door and pause for a moment, gathering your thoughts before raising your hand to knock. The seconds tick by agonizingly slow, the silence stretching between you like a chasm.

Then, the door swings open, and there she stands, with her piercing gaze and arms crossed tightly across her chest. The tension in the air is palpable as you meet her eyes, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy between you.

“Avi, can we talk?” you ask softly, stepping into the room.

Avi looks down, her eyes narrowing when she notices the Harvard hoodie. “What do you want?” she asks, her tone guarded.

“I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be,” you start, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been so wrapped up in Jake that I’ve neglected you and everyone else. I’m really sorry.”

Avi’s eyes flicker with uncertainty. “You’re wearing a Harvard hoodie. Are you already planning to leave us?”

“No,” you say quickly, shaking your head. “It was a gift from Jake. He talked to me about transferring, but I don’t want to leave my friends. You all mean too much to me.”

Avi studies you for a moment, her expression softening just a bit. “It feels like you’ve already left us, though.”

“I know,” you admit, feeling the sting of her words. “And I’m really sorry. I’ve been a terrible friend. But I want to make it right.”

Before Avi can respond, you hear a familiar voice from behind her. “She’s telling the truth, Avi,” Beomgyu says, coming into view. He’s sitting on the other side of her bed, partially hidden by her fugue. “She seems sincere.”

You turn to Beomgyu, your heart aching. “I’m so sorry, Beomgyu. I’ve been awful to you all, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m asking for it anyway. Please, give me a chance to make things right.”

Beomgyu looks at Avi, who sighs and nods slightly. He then turns back to you. “It’s going to take time, but I think we can give you that chance.”

Relief floods through you, and you feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “Thank you. I promise I’ll do better.”

Avi gets up and walks over to you, pulling you into a hesitant hug. “Just don’t disappear on us again, okay?”

You nod, hugging her tightly. “I won’t. I promise.”

Beomgyu joins the hug, and for a moment, the three of you stand there, holding onto each other. When you finally pull away, you wipe your eyes and smile.

Avi breaks the silence with a question that catches you off guard. "So, how are things with Jake?" she asks, her tone hesitant yet curious.

Avi's question lingers in the air, and you take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding. "Things with Jake... they're actually going better than I thought," you admit, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "I've met all of his friends, and they're actually really sweet."

Avi's eyebrows raise in surprise, though there's a hint of skepticism in her expression. "Really? Even Jay?" she asks, her voice laced with doubt.

You nod, feeling a pang of guilt at the mention of Jay's name. "Yeah, even Jay," you confirm. "He's been... really nice to me." You turn to Beomgyu. “He even apologized for how he came at you at the party. I'm sure if he saw you again, he'd apologize to you as well.”

Beomgyu nods softly and shrugs. “Water under the bridge? I'm glad you guys are getting along."

You offer Beomgyu a grateful smile before turning back to Avi. "I know we've got a lot to catch up on, but there's one more person I need to make amends with," you explain, your voice tinged with regret. "I need to talk to Jungwon."

Avi's expression softens at the mention of Jungwon's name, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Yeah, you do," she agrees quietly. "But take your time. He'll come around."

You nod and turn to Beomgyu who offers you a tight-lipped smile. “He should be in our room. He’s probably packing for Thanksgiving break,” Beomgyu offers as he lays back down on Avi’s bed. Your brows furrow at that.

“He’s going back to Korea?”

Beomgyu hums. “Said he needs the mental break.”

Avi sighs, sitting back down beside Beomgyu. “I was hoping we could all spend Thanksgiving together like we planned but I get he needs space.”

“I know,” you say, feeling a pang of guilt. “I didn’t realize things had gotten so bad for him.”

Beomgyu’s eyes soften. “He’s been really stressed. With everything that’s been happening, I think he just needs to get away and clear his head.”

“Maybe talking to him will help,” Avi suggests. “Even if he’s leaving, he deserves to know how much you care.”

You nod, taking a deep breath. “I hope so. I really don’t want to lose him as a friend.”

Beomgyu gives you a reassuring smile. “Just be honest with him. He’ll appreciate that, even if he’s still upset.”

“Thanks, Beomgyu,” you say softly. “I’m going to go talk to him now.”

Avi stands and gives you another quick hug. “Good luck. We’ll be here if you need us.”

With a nod, you leave Avi’s room and your dorm all together, your heart heavy. As you walk down the hallway towards Beomgyu and Jungwon’s shared dorm, your mind races with thoughts of how to approach Jungwon. The closer you get, the more you feel the weight of your actions and their impact on your friends.

When you reach your destination, the door is slightly ajar. You push it open gently and see Jungwon inside, methodically folding clothes and placing them into his suitcase in the living room. The sight of him packing feels like a punch to the gut, knowing that his departure is partly your fault.

“Jungwon,” you start tentatively, stepping inside.

He doesn’t look up, his movements precise and mechanical. “What do you want?”

“I came to apologize,” you say, holding out the gummy bears. “And I brought these. I know they’re your favorite.”

Jungwon glances at the gummy bears, then back to his suitcase. “You think gummy bears are going to fix this?”

“No,” you say quickly. “I just wanted to show you that I care. I’ve been a terrible friend, and I know I’ve hurt you.”

He finally stops packing and looks at you, his expression a mix of hurt and anger. “Do you even realize what you’ve done? It’s like we don’t matter to you.”

“That’s not true,” you say, your voice trembling. “You mean the world to me.”

Jungwon shakes his head. “If we meant so much to you, you wouldn’t have treated us like this. Do you know how it feels to watch the girl you’re in love with settle for some douchebag like Jake?”

Your breath catches. “Jungwon, I didn’t know…”

“Of course you didn’t,” he snaps. “Because you never took the time to see what was right in front of you. You were too busy chasing after Jake.”

“Jungwon, I…” you trail off, trying to find the right words. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He scoffs. “You didn’t mean to, but you did. Over and over again. And the worst part is, you don’t even see it. The way you so willingly left Avi, Beomgyu, and me behind for Jake is alarming. I never knew you were this self-absorbed.”

Tears well up in your eyes. “Jungwon, please. I’m trying to make things right.”

He sighs, looking more tired than angry now. “You can’t just come back and expect everything to be okay. It doesn’t work like that. It’s not fair.”

“I know,” you say, your voice breaking. “But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.”

Jungwon stares at you for a long moment. “If you want my forgiveness, you need to make a choice. Him or me.”

Your heart sinks. “Jungwon, please don’t make me choose.”

“I’m serious,” he says, his voice cold.

Desperate, you try to shift the conversation. “What about our Thanksgiving plans?”

Jungwon scoffs. “Spend it with Jake,” he retorts, his gaze flicking to the Harvard hoodie you’re wearing. “You know, the one who got you that hoodie. Remember when you said Harvard was your past and you were ready to focus on me and Northeastern? What a load of crap.”

You feel a surge of desperation. “Jungwon, please. I was confused. I didn’t know this would happen!”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” His voice rises, frustration clear. “That’s such bullshit! First you picked Jake over us, it was like a slap in the face. And now, you show up wearing that hoodie, like it’s some badge of honor.”

“It’s just a hoodie,” you protest weakly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything!” Jungwon shouts, slamming his suitcase shut. “It’s a symbol of all the times you put Jake first. You said you were done with Harvard, done with him being your priority, but here we are.”

“Jungwon, I’m sorry,” you plead, tears streaming down your face. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you, Avi, and Beomgyu. You’re my best friends.”

“Then why do you treat us like we’re second best?” he demands, his voice breaking. “Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie,” you whisper. “I was just… lost. Jake is my first love, and I got caught up in that. But you, Avi, and Beomgyu are my family. I don’t want to lose you.”

Jungwon’s expression softens for a brief moment, but then hardens again. “You already have,” he says quietly. “You’ve pushed me away too many times. I can’t trust you anymore.”

“What can I do?” you ask, desperation lacing your voice. “Tell me, and I’ll do it.”

“If you want my forgiveness, you need to make a choice. Him or me,” he repeats firmly.

“Jungwon, please,” you beg. “Don’t make me choose.”

“I’m serious,” he says, his voice cold. “I can’t watch you destroy yourself over Jake. So, make a choice.”

You stand there, speechless and trembling, the weight of his ultimatum pressing down on you. Jungwon looks away, his expression hardened. “Just go. I need to finish packing.”

Desperate and broken, you try one last time. “Jungwon, please…”

But he’s already turned his back on you, continuing to pack as if you aren’t there. With a heavy heart, you turn and leave the dorm, feeling more lost and alone than ever. As you walk down the hallway back to your room, the tears finally spill over, blurring your vision. The realization that you might have just lost one of your closest friends hits you hard.

The door to your dorm opens again, and Avi steps out, her face soft with concern. She takes one look at your tear-streaked face and pulls you into another hug, her grip tight and reassuring. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, her voice steady. “We’ll figure this out together.”

Beomgyu joins the two of you, “We’re here for you,” he says quietly. “No matter what happens.”

You take a shaky breath, still enveloped in Avi’s comforting embrace. “I don’t understand why Jungwon was so cold and closed off,” you say, your voice trembling, not used to being on the receiving end of his anger.

Avi pulls back slightly, enough to look you in the eyes. “It’s a given he’s upset. You’re important to him, and he feels hurt and betrayed. But that doesn’t mean he won’t come around. He just needs time.”

Beomgyu nods in agreement. “Jungwon’s always been the calm and understanding one, but everyone has their breaking point. He’s just reached his. Give him some space to process everything. He loves you too much to stay mad forever.”

You nod, feeling a glimmer of hope through the despair. “I just wish I hadn’t hurt him so badly.”

“We all make mistakes,” Avi says gently. “At least you’re trying to make up for it now.”

Beomgyu pats your shoulder. “Yeah, plus we’re here to help you.”

A small smile forms on your lips as you take in their words. “Thank you, both of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Avi squeezes your hand. “You don’t have to worry about that because we’re not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together.”

Feeling a bit lighter, you take a deep breath and straighten up. “I need to figure out how to fix things with Jungwon. But for now, I guess I should let him have his space.”

“That’s a good idea,” Beomgyu agrees. “Let him cool down. In the meantime, let’s focus on spending some time together. We’ve missed you.”

“Yeah,” Avi adds, her tone brightening. “Let’s do something fun.”

You smile, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders. “I’d like that. I’ve missed you guys too.”

With Avi and Beomgyu by your side, you start to walk back towards your bedroom.

November 28th | Thanksgiving Day

“This isn’t how I pictured Friendsgiving going.” Avi clears her throat, breaking the tense silence. 

You look around the room, taking in the scene. Your dorm is filled with people, but the atmosphere is anything but festive. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon are here, along with Avi, Beomgyu, and yourself. The idea had been to merge friend groups for Thanksgiving/Chuseok, a suggestion from Avi and Beomgyu in an attempt to bridge the growing divide for your sake. But now, everyone sits awkwardly on the floor, picking at their side dishes, unsure of what to do or say.

Beomgyu is the next to break the silence. “How about we play a drinking game?” he offers, a hint of forced enthusiasm in his voice. “Might help loosen the tension.”

You sneak a glance at Jake, curious to see his reaction. He still hasn’t told you about his sobriety, and you wonder how he’ll handle this situation.

Jake looks around at the expectant faces, then clears his throat. “I don’t drink,” he says simply, his voice steady. “But I don’t mind if others do. I’ll just stick to the mocktails.” He offers a small smile and raises his glass of the non-alcoholic concoction you and Avi had prepared earlier.

You nod, making a mental note to ask him about it later, despite the promise you made to Heeseung not to mention it. The curiosity is too overwhelming to ignore.

Avi looks around, trying to salvage the situation. “Okay, mocktails for some, drinks for others. Let’s just try to have a good time.”

Heeseung nods. “What about Truth or Drink? It’s a good way to get to know each other better.”

Everyone exchanges glances, and after a moment, nods of agreement ripple through the group. Heeseung takes charge, explaining the rules quickly. “You either answer the question honestly, or you take a drink. Simple as that.”

The first few rounds are tentative, with everyone choosing relatively safe questions. Gradually, the atmosphere lightens as laughter and teasing fill the room.

Jay looks at Avi. “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”

Avi laughs, her cheeks flushing as she recounts a story about a high school talent show gone wrong. The room erupts in laughter, and for the first time, the tension seems to dissipate.

During Sunghoon’s turn, you excuse yourself to get a refill of more banchan from the kitchen. Avi joins you, leaning against the counter as you gather the dishes.

“You know,” Avi says, her voice low so it doesn’t carry back to the others, “Jake and his friends aren’t all that bad.”

You glance at her, surprised but pleased. “Yeah, they’re really nice once you get to know them.”

Avi nods, then her expression turns somber. “I just wish Jungwon was here. Celebrating Chuseok was for him, after all. He was starting to get homesick after missing Chuseok with his family.”

A pang of sadness hits you at the reminder. You take a deep breath, trying to push away the ache in your chest. “I know. I miss him too. But at least he gets to celebrate a real Chuseok with his family.”

Avi gives you a small, sympathetic smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s just not the same without him.”

You nod, trying to focus on the positive. “We’ll see him soon enough. And who knows? Maybe things will be better by then.”

Returning to the group with the banchan, you notice the warm, friendly atmosphere that has developed. Jake catches your eye and smiles, after placing down the ceramic serving dish you take a seat beside him.

As the game continues, Jay looks over at you and Jake. “You two make a really cute couple, you know that?”

Before you can respond, Sunghoon and Beomgyu, both tipsy, start hugging each other and pretending to make out, mimicking a couple to tease you and Jake. Everyone bursts into laughter, the playful antics breaking any remaining tension in the room.

Avi playfully rolls her eyes. “Alright, boys, cut it out,” she says with a grin. She glances at the clock on the wall and her eyes widen slightly. “Shit, it’s late. If you guys want, you can sleep over.”

The boys thank her, and the sleeping arrangements are quickly sorted out. Heeseung claims the couch, Sunghoon opts for the blow-up mattress on the floor, and Beomgyu, as always, takes his usual spot in Avi’s room. That leaves Jake and you to share your room.

As you and Jake get up to head to bed, the teasing starts again. “Oh, look at the lovebirds,” Sunghoon calls out, grinning mischievously.

“Don’t have too much fun in there,” Beomgyu adds with a wink.

Avi smirks. “Remember, the walls are thin. I’d appreciate it if Jake could keep his hands to himself tonight.”

Heeseung scoffs, laughing. “Jake doesn’t know what it means to keep his hands to himself.”

Jake rolls his eyes but can’t help but laugh along with everyone. “Fuck off,” he says, taking your hand as you both head to your room, the playful teasing still echoing in your ears.

Once inside your room, you close the door and turn to Jake, who’s still smiling. “That was fun,” he says, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, leaning into him. “I’m really glad everyone’s getting along.”

Jake nods, his expression softening. “Me too. It means a lot to me.”

He steps back and strips off his shirt, revealing the well-defined muscles beneath. He climbs into your bed, his arms wide open in an inviting gesture. You slide in beside him, curling up on his chest. The warmth of his skin against yours is comforting, and you find yourself drawing little shapes on his chest with your finger. He sighs contentedly, pulling you in closer and kissing the top of your head.

“I’m so thankful for this second chance,” he whispers.

You place a soft kiss on his collarbone. “I’m happy too,” you reply, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jake waits a beat before pushing you away slightly, his expression turning serious. “I need to tell you something,” he says.

Your heart skips a beat. “What is it?”

He takes a deep breath. “The summer before you started at Northeastern, I went back home to Australia. I wanted to make amends, but I found out from my mom how hard you took it when I left. I didn’t realize how much I hurt you until then. When I heard that you didn’t get into Harvard, I felt like I had ruined everything for you. I was crushed.”

You stay silent, listening intently as he continues.

“When I came back, I started drinking and smoking. I even got into LSD. It got to a point where I would wake up, smoke a preroll, go back to bed, wake up again, smoke the remainder, then go about my day and probably smoke another five more times. I drank a lot to forget you and the pain I caused.”

You feel a lump form in your throat as tears well up in your eyes. Jake’s voice trembles slightly as he recounts his past.

“There was this party… I got so crossfaded that I passed out and was unresponsive for over twenty minutes. That was the turning point. Jay cried and begged me to stop. Said he didn’t want to see me dead. That’s why we’re so close. He even gave up drinking for a while to help me out, and Heeseung and Sunghoon gave up parties to support me. They’re like brothers to me, not just friends.”

By now, silent tears are streaming down your face. Jake gently wipes them away, his eyes filled with concern and vulnerability.

“I understand if this changes things for you,” he says softly. “But I needed to tell you.”

You shake your head, your emotions overwhelming you. Leaning in, you kiss him hard, pouring all your feelings into that kiss. When you finally pull away, you look into his eyes, your voice firm and resolute.

“It doesn’t change anything, Jake. If anything, it makes me love you more for your honesty.”

Jake’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, and he pulls you into a tight embrace. “Thank you,” he whispers.

You shift and move yourself onto his lap, straddling his waist, your knees on either side of his legs. You wrap your arms around his neck and place your lips onto his own pouty ones, kissing him slowly. Jake moves his hands to your waist, and grips them tightly before pulling away.

You pout at the loss of contact and move your head to the crook of his neck to place soft kisses there. Jake whines and grips your waist once again.

“B-baby wait.”

You sigh but pull away to look into his eyes.

“We don’t have to do anything we can just cuddle.” Jake says, rubbing slow circles onto your thigh. You shake your head.

“I want to.”

Jake stares into your eyes searching for any hesitance before asking one more time, “are you sure?”

You nod. “As long as you promise to not leave me this time.”

Jake brings a hand up to your cheek and gently caresses it. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Jake's lips fall upon yours again, his lips moving in a frenzied fashion this time.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer into you. Jake lets out a soft growl against your lips before pulling away. Peppering kisses along your jaw, he trails down the column of your throat before nuzzling his face into the juncture of your shoulder.

"God- I've missed you," Jake whispers as he breathes in your calming scent. You place your hands in his hair threading the strands, you lazily play with the locks at the nape of his neck.

"I missed you too. A lot," you moan out as Jake begins to suckle bruises onto the tender flesh of your throat. Jake sucks in a sharp breath at the feeling of you tugging on his hair and immediately switches positions with you. He swiftly cages you between his body and the mattress before moving down to be level with your dripping pussy. You jerk at the sudden movement, your eyes widening at the sight of him.

Jake groans out as he runs his nose along the exposed flesh of your inner thigh. Your breath hitches at the sensation, Jake’s large hands slowly wrap around your thighs before he parts your legs.

Running his nose against your panties, Jake takes in a deep breath before groaning as the scent of your arousal runs through his nose. He pushes your sleep shirt further up your hips, his lips gently kissing his way up the length of your thigh. Positioned just over your hip, Jake places a tender kiss above where your bone is. Then, he bites down on the waistband of your panties before slowly sliding it down your legs.

Gripping one of your thighs, he pulls it to rest over his shoulder, exposing your pussy even more. Jake shudders as the scent of your arousal deepens. Biting his lip, Jake edges closer to your folds before tentatively licking a line: all the way from your core to your clit.

“Oh my gosh,” you groan out, your head lolling back while one of your hands shoots out to tangle into his thick hair. Hearing your low groan, Jake smirks against your pussy before repeating the action. Spikes of pleasure run up and down your spine, your eyelids fluttering as you lose yourself into the pleasure he brings upon your body.

Soft lips wrap around your clit, Jake pulls the sensitive bud into his mouth before lightly sucking on it. His ministrations cause you to gasp - the sound quickly morphing into a heavy moan when he nips your throbbing clit. Tangling your fingers further into his hair, you tug as hard as you can on his hair, trying to get him to move faster.

“J-jake.” you whine needily, desperation heavy in the high pitch of your voice.

Jake pushes two fingers into you, your body jerks at the sudden intrusion as you tug at his hair reflexively. Twisting his fingers into you, Jake pumps his digits in and out, relishing in the feel of your pulsating walls around him as he continues eating you out.

“Cumming-” you gasp out, your voice cracking under the pleasure.

“Then cum baby- cum all over my tongue. wanna taste you, ” Jake urges. The filthiness of his words, paired with the way he harshly sucks your clit, instantly has you cumming.

You whine out his name, gasping for air, you slowly come down from the high of your orgasm. Jake patiently waits for you to come back to reality.

Once you catch your breath he moves up to place a soft kiss on your awaiting lips.

“How are you feeling princess?”

You adjust your shirt to cover your lower half before responding. “Good.”

“Want to continue?”

You nod, “yes. Want to feel you inside me.”

Jake groans at your words. “Do you have a condom?”

You hum and nod your head towards your bedside drawer. “First shelf.”

Jake removes himself from you to walk towards the shelf and takes out the small foil before opening it and rolling the condom over his dick. Sighing at the feeling of finally touching himself. He gives himself a few tugs and makes sure the condom is secured before walking back to you.

Jake’s cock is ready, heavy against his palm as he takes a hold of the base and spreads your legs apart. His chest is littered with beads of sweat. “Your pussy looks so fucking good.” He remarks, letting the pink tip of his dick rub against your wet folds. You both moan at the sensation.

With one more rub of his head, he lines himself against your entrance and slowly pushes his hips forward. You think you could come instantly again.

“Fuck.” You let out as you place a hand on his chest, letting the feel of his cock overtake your entire body. He stops when he’s reached the hilt, careful to rock his hips out before slamming them back into you. You can’t help but cry his name out.

“I won’t last long.” Jake whimpers, you move the hand on his chest to the back of his neck as you push his head forward to kiss you. He follows suit, beginning a rhythmic pace of his hips as you lose yourself further and further into him.

Jake kisses you feverishly, hot and wet against your mouth as he continues to rock in and out of you. His breaths labored, filthy words and curses escaping him as you clench around him with each thrust.

“Ngh- not gonna last long either!” You’re losing your mind, already close to a second orgasm. You know you’re going to come again soon.

Jake takes your legs and places your ankles on his shoulder, plummeting into you with a force so delicious, you’re about to go delirious

“Fuck, turn around for me.” You do as requested, turning to your stomach. Jake pulls your ass up towards him and lines himself up once again. Without hesitation this time, he pushes into you.

“Oh my gosh,” Jake is moaning out. He grabs a handful of your ass, using it as support while he rams into you with no plans of slowing down. The room is filled with the sound of your skin slapping and your shared moans. You have no doubt everyone can hear the two of you.

Jake reaches forward immediately gravitating towards your clit and rubs to bring you over the edge.

It doesn’t take much longer before your heels are digging into the mattress and you’re cumming. You feel Jake still behind you as he releases into the condom.

You lay still, letting your cum dribble out of you as Jake pulls out.

“Was that okay?” Jake asks, leaning forward to kiss your shoulder. You nod in reassurance, twisting your head around so he can kiss your lips.

“More than okay.”

The morning light filters softly through the blinds as you slide out of Jake’s arms, careful not to wake him. You dress quickly and head to the kitchen, intent on starting breakfast for your guests. To your surprise, you find Jay already there, rummaging through the ingredients and setting up to make breakfast.

“Jay?” you say, taken aback but not entirely surprised. He looks up and gives you a sheepish smile.

“Hey,” he replies, cracking an egg into a bowl. “Figured I’d get a head start.”

You smile and move to help him, grabbing a knife and starting to cut up some fruit. As you chop strawberries, the silence between you feels companionable. Finally, you muster the courage to speak up. “Thank you.”

Jay glances up from the omelette he’s making, his brow furrowing in confusion. “For what?”

You put down the knife and turn to face him fully. “Thank you for taking care of Jake when I couldn’t.”

Jay’s expression softens, and he shakes his head. “You don’t need to thank me. I love Jake. He’s like a brother to me.”

You nod, appreciating his sincerity. You both return to your tasks, the kitchen filled with the sound of sizzling and chopping. After a moment, Jay speaks up again.

“Are you confident in your decision to be with Jake?” he asks gently.

You hesitate, your hands pausing mid-chop. Jay notices and quickly adds, “I won’t judge you, whatever your answer is.”

You take a deep breath, considering your words carefully. “I’m happy to finally have the boy I’ve always loved,” you begin slowly. “But sometimes… sometimes I find myself thinking about Jungwon and what could have been.”

Jay nods, understanding in his eyes. “I get it. But you need to decide who you want to be with. Jake is fully invested in you, and I’d hate to see him destroyed if you drag this out only to decide you want Jungwon in the end.”

His words hit hard, and you can’t help but fall silent, lost in thought. The reality of your situation settles heavily on your shoulders. You return to chopping strawberries, your mind racing.

Jay reaches over and places a hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Whatever you decide, just be honest with yourself and with them. That’s all anyone can ask.”

You nod, grateful for his words and his support. As the two of you finish preparing breakfast, you can’t shake the feeling of uncertainty that lingers. With the fruit salad complete and the omelettes almost ready, you begin to bring the food out. As you enter the living room, Heeseung rises and shakes awake Sunghoom so they can take their seat on the floor as you bring in plates of food.

One by one, everyone makes their way to the living room, the aroma of breakfast drawing them in. Avi and Beomgyu are next, followed by Jay, who gives you a reassuring nod. Jake is the last to emerge, his hair tousled and a sleepy smile on his face. He takes a seat beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

The room falls into a comfortable silence as everyone starts to eat. But it doesn’t last long.

Beomgyu is the first to break the silence. “You two are disgusting,” he says, pointing his fork at you and Jake. “Do you know everyone heard you last night?”

Avi groans, covering her ears dramatically. “My poor ears!”

Heeseung and Sunghoon join in, laughing and shaking their heads. “Seriously, guys,” Sunghoon says, rolling his eyes. “Couldn’t you have kept it down a bit?”

You hide your face in Jake’s chest, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. Jake chuckles, rubbing your back soothingly. “Hey, come on,” he says, defending the two of you. “We weren’t that loud.”

Avi rolls her eyes playfully. “Sure, Jake. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Heeseung smirks before letting the loudest moan rip from his throat. “fuck jake…i’m not gonna last long.” He exclaims, his voice exaggerated and mocking.

Mortified, you cover your face with your hands, wishing the ground would swallow you up. “Heeseung, stop!” Jake says, trying to suppress his own laughter. “Seriously, guys, cut it out.”

But the rest of them join in, their laughter filling the room. Avi tries to hold back her giggles as she adds, “I swear, I thought you were filming a movie in there.”

Beomgyu grins, leaning into Sunghoon as they both mimic exaggerated kissing noises. “Oh, Jake! Oh, yes!” Beomgyu echoes, clutching his sides in laughter.

You groan, burying your face even deeper into Jake’s chest. “I can’t believe this,” you mumble, your voice muffled.

Jake’s arm tightens around you protectively. “Alright, alright, enough,” he says, trying to sound serious but failing to hide his amusement.

Heeseung, still giggling, wipes a tear from his eye. “Sorry, we couldn’t resist. But seriously, you guys are cute together.”

You peek out from behind your hands, your face still flushed. “Thanks, I guess,” you mutter, trying to salvage some dignity.

Jake kisses the top of your head, whispering, “Don’t worry about them. They’re just jealous.”

Beomgyu scoffs, “jealous? Please I can pull anyone.”

Avi snorts. “And yet you’re still bitchless.”

November 30th

It’s now Saturday and you're out buying groceries, determined to do a dorm refresh. It’s been a busy few days, and you’re looking forward to a quiet evening to reorganize your space and settle into some semblance of normalcy before classes start back up. With bags in hand, you make your way back to your dorm, already planning out how you’ll spend the rest of the day.

As you approach your door, you notice a bouquet of peonies resting against the frame. You pause, staring at the flowers. You know they’re from Jake. He used to give you peonies on your dates back in Australia, a sweet gesture that always made you smile. But now, they serve as a cutting reminder of how much has changed since Jake has been back in your life. You’ve hated peonies ever since he left.

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice Jungwon coming in through the hallway with his suitcase behind him. He stops when he sees the flowers and then looks up at you.

“I would’ve known to get you lilies,” he comments, his voice cutting through your reverie. “Unlike Jake.”

You’re pulled out of your thoughts and make eye contact with Jungwon. It’s silent for a second as you take him in, noting the travel weariness in his eyes.

“How was Korea?” you ask tentatively.

He’s vague and blunt with his answer. “Fine.”

You shift on your feet, feeling the weight of the unspoken tension between you. “Did you have a good Chuseok?”

Jungwon nods, then looks at the peonies again before his gaze returns to you. “Jake doesn’t know anything about you,” he says, his tone sharp.

Before you can respond, he sidesteps you and enters his dorm, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You stare after him, the hurt in his words lingering in the air. Slowly, you bend down to pick up the bouquet. Carrying the peonies inside your dorm, you can’t help but think about how much has changed and how complicated everything has become. You place the flowers on the counter, staring at them for a moment before you begin unpacking your groceries.

Determined to keep yourself preoccupied, you dive into cleaning the entire dorm. You scrub the floors, dust the shelves, and organize every corner until everything is spotless and in perfect order. The physical activity helps clear your mind, but the lingering thoughts and feelings remain just below the surface.

As you finish wiping down the kitchen counter, your phone buzzes with a text. It’s from Avi.

[November 30th, 7:53 PM]

[avi]: hey, can you meet me at snell? i forgot my key :p

[you]: yeah what room number?

[avi]: 0119

Grabbing your keys, you head for the door. Just as you’re about to leave, another text comes in. This time, it’s from Jake.

[November 30th, 7:55 PM]

[jake]: did you receive my gift? :D

You pause, looking back at the peonies on the counter. After a moment of contemplation, you walk over to them, pick them up, and dump them in the trash. You text Jake back.

[November 30th, 7:57 PM]

[you]: yes, they’re beautiful. thank you.

With that, you leave your dorm, locking the door behind you. As you make your way to the classroom to meet Avi, you try to push the confusion and hurt to the back of your mind.

When you arrive, Avi is waiting by the door, looking relieved to see you. “Thank you so much for coming. I can’t believe I forgot my key.”

“It’s no problem,” you reply, handing her the spare key you’ve brought along.

Avi takes the key but doesn't move to grab her things right away. Instead, she looks at you with an expression of concern. “Hey, I’m really sorry... for everything. I love you, you know that, right?”

You furrow your brow in confusion. “Of course I know that. Why are you saying this now?”

Before you can react, Avi gives you a gentle but firm shove, pushing you into the classroom. The door slams shut behind you, and you hear the unmistakable sound of it being locked. You whirl around, banging on the door. “Avi! What the hell?”

From the other side of the door, you hear Avi’s voice, firm and resolute. “You’re not allowed to leave until you make amends with Jungwon.”

“What?” you shout, turning back to face the room. Your eyes land on Jungwon, who is sitting at one of the desks, lazily twirling a pencil between his fingers. The sight of him only heightens your agitation.

You bang on the door again. “Avi, let me out! This isn’t funny.”

Beomgyu’s face appears in the small window of the door. “No can do. We’re tired of you talking about how much you miss Jungwon and tired of him asking about you. You two need to hurry up and make up.”

The weight of their words sinks in as you slowly turn back to Jungwon, who has now stopped playing with the pencil and is watching you with a guarded expression. The tension in the room is palpable, and for a moment, neither of you speaks.

Finally, you break the silence. “Jungwon, this is ridiculous. We don’t have to do this.”

Jungwon raises an eyebrow. “Do you really think they’ll let us out if we don’t?”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. “I’m sorry, okay? For everything. I know I hurt you, and I’m really, really sorry.”

Jungwon’s expression remains neutral, but his eyes reveal the hurt and anger he still feels. “It’s not that simple.”

“I know,” you say softly, taking a tentative step towards him. “I’ve been a terrible friend. I got caught up in everything with Jake and neglected the people who matter most to me. I hate that I did that to you.”

Jungwon looks down at the pencil in his hand, spinning it slowly. “It’s more than that. You led me on and had me think we could ever be something.”

Your heart sinks at his words. “Jungwon, I never meant to lead you on. I didn’t realize how you felt until it was too late.”

He scoffs, finally looking up at you. “How could you not realize? I was always there for you, always trying to show you how much I cared. But you were too wrapped up in yourself to see it.”

You feel a flare of defensiveness rise within you. “Jungwon, I told you from the start that I didn’t do relationships. You knew that about me.”

Jungwon’s eyes narrow. “Then what was the point in telling me at the party you were ready to move on? If you knew you still didn’t want to date, why give me the false hope?”

You falter, his words hitting harder than you expected. “I…I thought I was ready.”

He shakes his head, frustration evident. “But you weren’t. And in the process, you played with my feelings. Do you know how confusing and hurtful that is?”

“I’m sorry, Jungwon,” you say, your voice shaking. “I didn’t mean to give you false hope. I genuinely meant what I said at the party! I wasn’t expecting Jake to come back into my life.”

Jungwon looks at you, his expression hard to read. “So, what now? You just expect me to forget everything and be okay with being your second choice?”

You shake your head vehemently. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just want you to understand that I was confused. I never meant to hurt you, Jungwon. I care about you so much.”

“Caring about someone isn’t enough,” he says quietly, his voice tinged with sadness.

A heavy silence settles between you, thick with unresolved tension. Jungwon breaks it with a question that slices through the air. “Why Jake?”

You look up, startled. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t know you like I do,” Jungwon continues, his voice raw. “You’re not the same girl he grew up with. You’ve changed, and he hasn’t been here to see that.”

You open your mouth, but no words come out. Finally, you manage to say, “he’s my first love.”

“That doesn’t mean he has to be your only love,” Jungwon counters, taking a step closer. His eyes bore into yours, filled with an intensity that makes your heart race.

Before you can respond, he steps even closer, his breath warm against your skin. He’s so close you can feel the heat radiating off him. For a moment, it feels like he’s about to kiss you, but then your phone rings, breaking the moment.

You glance at the screen: it’s Jake. Jungwon’s eyes flicker to the phone and back to you, pleading. “Don’t answer it.”

You hesitate but then silence the call, your heart pounding in your chest. Jungwon’s expression softens, and he reaches up to caress your cheek. “You deserve someone who knows you inside and out. Someone who’s been there through everything. I’m that someone.”

His words hang in the air, and before you can process them, he leans in and kisses you. It’s gentle at first, a question rather than a demand. You respond, your arms wrapping around his neck as the kiss deepens, your emotions swirling together in a mix of confusion, guilt, and longing.

When you finally pull away, you’re both breathless. The weight of what just happened settles over you. Jungwon searches your eyes, his thumb still tracing your cheek. “I love you,” he whispers. “I’ve always loved you.”

You stand there, your heart torn between the familiarity of your past and the promise of your future. The sound of your phone vibrating with another call from Jake is a distant echo as you and Jungwon stare at each other, caught in a moment that feels like it could change everything.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” you say, your voice shaking.

Jungwon shrugs, his eyes unwavering. “I don’t feel bad about it.”

You swallow hard, the weight of his words settling over you. “Jungwon, this isn’t fair. I’m so confused right now.”

He takes a deep breath, his gaze softening. “I’m serious about you. I’ve always been. I want you to give us a chance.”

His words hang in the air, heavy with meaning. You’re once again faced with the ultimatum: Jake or Jungwon. The pressure feels unbearable, your heart torn in two directions. Before you can respond, there’s a loud knock on the door.

“Have you two made up yet?” Beomgyu’s voice calls from the other side, filled with impatience.

You and Jungwon exchange a look, the weight of the unspoken words between you. You shake your head, unable to bring yourself to lie. But Jungwon pulls away from you and steps forward, his hand brushing against yours as he replies, “Yeah, we’ve made up.”

The door opens, and Avi and Beomgyu peer in, looking between the two of you. Jungwon gives you one last look, longing swimming in his eyes, before he steps past them and leaves the room. 

Your phone starts ringing again, Jake’s name flashing on the screen. You stare at it, the decision you need to make feeling more daunting than ever. As the door closes behind Jungwon, you’re left standing there, the sound of the phone’s persistent ring echoing in the silence.

Avi steps forward, concern etched on her face. “How do you feel? How did things go?”

You take a deep breath. “We... we kissed.”

Both Avi and Beomgyu’s eyes widen in shock. “You what?” Avi exclaims, her voice a mixture of surprise and concern.

Beomgyu, recovering first, gives you a thoughtful look. “Are you going to tell Jake?”

Avi cuts in, “You don’t have to.”

Beomgyu raises a brow at her. “Seriously,”

Avi shrugs, “what? I support women’s right and wrongs.”

You hesitate, the previous question hanging heavy in the air. “I... I don’t know what I’m going to do,” you admit. “Everything’s so complicated.”

Beomgyu sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Look, as much as I've grown to like Jake, I’ve always thought Jungwon was the right one for you. He understands you in a way Jake never will.”

Avi elbows him lightly, shooting him a warning look. “Beomgyu, that’s not helping.” She turns to you, her eyes soft with sympathy. “But... I kind of agree. You and Jungwon just…click.”

You look between your two friends, feeling more conflicted than ever. “I don’t know what to do,” you whisper, your voice breaking. “I care about both of them, but...”

Avi steps closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Take your time. You don’t have to decide right now. Just...think about what makes you happiest, what feels right in your heart.”

You take a deep breath, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions inside you. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Avi looks at you with understanding. “Sometimes, no matter what you choose, someone might get hurt.”

Your phone rings again, cutting through the tense silence. Beomgyu glances at the screen and then at you. “It’s Jake. You should answer.”

Hesitant, you pick up the call. “Hey, Jake.”

“Hi baby!,” he says, his voice filled with concern. “Are you okay? You sounded off earlier.”

“I’m fine,” you lie, trying to keep your voice steady. “Just busy studying.”

He hums, seemingly convinced. “Okay. Are you free for a date tomorrow?”

A twinge of guilt strikes you, but you push it aside. “Sure, I’d love that.”

You exchange a few more pleasantries before hanging up. Once you turn off your phone, Avi immediately asks, “What was that about?”

You sigh, feeling the weight of the situation. “Jake wants to go on a date tomorrow.”

Avi nods thoughtfully. “Remember, you don’t have to tell Jake anything until you’re ready.”

Beomgyu raises an eyebrow at her. “Again, seriously?”

Avi shrugs. “What? Women’s rights and wrongs, remember?”

You can’t help but smile a little at her words, but the smile quickly fades. “I don’t know what I’ll do,” you admit quietly.

Beomgyu comfortingly pats your back, more serious now. “Being upfront now might be hard, but it’ll save a lot of heartache later on.”

Avi then adds, “Or you could try being single for a bit. I promise it’s not all that bad.”

The three of you laugh, the tension easing slightly. Avi’s joke, though lighthearted, seems to resonate with all of you. 

“Yeah, maybe I’ll take that under consideration,” you say, the weight on your shoulders feeling a bit lighter.

Beomgyu grins. “Hey, it’s always an option. Plus, more time for group hangouts.”

Avi nods enthusiastically. “Exactly! We could use more friend time without any of the boy drama.”

You chuckle, appreciating their attempts to cheer you up. “Thanks, guys. I really needed this.”

“Anytime,” Avi says, linking her arm with yours. “Now, let’s get back to the dorm. We’ve got snacks and a Netflix queue waiting for us.”

Beomgyu wraps an arm around both of you, guiding you back. “And maybe some ice cream? I feel like this conversation calls for ice cream.”

You laugh again, feeling grateful for your friends.

“Do you have a lot of finals coming up?” Jake asks, trying to keep the conversation light.

The two of you are currently at Naksan, an expensive new KBBQ restaurant that opened up near your campus. Jake had wanted to take you out sightseeing but given the cold Boston weather the two of you couldn’t stay out long so he decided what better way to warm up than sizzling hot meat.

The atmosphere is lively, filled with the sizzle of meat on grills and the hum of conversation. Jake tries to make small talk, you’ve been out of it all day lost in your head. His eyes search your face for any hint of what’s bothering you.

You shake your head slightly, offering a small smile. “No, only a few. Nothing too overwhelming.”

He nods, turning the meat on the grill. “What about winter break? Do you have any plans?”

You shrug, avoiding his gaze. “Not sure yet. I’m not going back to Australia because the break isn’t that long.”

Jake’s face lights up a bit. “Jay and Sunghoon were talking about renting a cabin over the break. They thought it would be fun if you and your friends joined us.”

“That sounds fun,” you reply half-heartedly. “I’m sure Avi and Beomgyu would be down for that.”

Jake seems to notice your lack of enthusiasm but presses on. “What about inviting Jungwon too? The more, the merrier, right?”

You don’t respond, knowing that Jungwon would never agree to be around Jake. The silence between you grows heavy, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

Jake places some grilled meat on your plate, watching you closely. “Are you okay?” he asks, concern evident in his voice.

Instead of answering, you look up at him and ask, “What’s my favorite color?”

Jake looks confident but confused as he answers, “Black.”

You shake your head. “That was my favorite color two years ago because it’s all you would ever wear. It’s pink now.”

Jake nods, trying to hide his surprise. “Okay, I’ll make a mental note of that.”

He places more meat on the grill, but you’re not done. “What are my hobbies?” you ask.

Jake is at a loss, hesitating before guessing, “Baking?”

You shake your head again. “Photography. Crochet. Painting. All things I started doing once you left to get my life back on track because all I ever knew was you. I didn’t have an identity when you were around. I did it so I could forget you.”

Jake clenches the tongs tighter, his jaw setting as he places new meat on the grill. “What is this about?” he asks, his voice strained.

You look down at your plate, feeling the weight of the conversation. “A lot has changed since you’ve been in my life. I’m starting to realize that maybe I need to figure out who I am without you.”

Jake looks at you, confusion and frustration etched on his face. “What are you talking about? I’m still the same Jake you’ve known since we were kids.”

You shake your head firmly but gently. “No. You’re not. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I think we’ve been pretending that nothing has changed when everything has changed.”

Jake’s agitation grows. “What are you trying to get at?”

You try to calm him down, your voice softening. “Maybe we rushed things? Maybe we needed time to actually get to know each other again before jumping into a relationship.”

“Where is this coming from?” Jake demands, his voice rising.

Taking a deep breath, you meet his gaze. “I finally talked to Jungwon. He helped me realize just how much I’ve changed.” You avoid mentioning the kiss, knowing it would only escalate things.

Jake’s anger flares. “This is our relationship, not ours plus Jungwon’s. Why are you letting him get in between what we have.”

A light scoff escapes your lips. “Within the past two weeks, I’ve been slipping into old habits. I’ve considered transferring schools for your sake and sobriety. I picked you over Jungwon without any explanation. Every decision I’ve made since you came back revolves around you in some way.”

Jake, absolutely livid, leans forward, his eyes burning with anger. “I never asked you to do any of that. It’s not my fault you have a savior complex.”

His words cut deep, and the air between you becomes thick with tension, the restaurant's noise fading into the background. Your anger simmers beneath the surface, and when Jake challenges you with his accusation, you can't hold back.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Your voice rises, laced with incredulity and hurt. “Savior complex? I’ve only ever loved and supported you!”

Jake’s jaw tightens, his frustration evident. “No, you’ve only ever tried to fix me! I don’t need to be fixed! Spoiler alert, not everyone can be as perfect as you, ____!”

His words hit you like a blow, but you refuse to back down. “I’m not perfect, Jake. I never claimed to be. But if you can’t see how much I’ve tried to make this work, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

Jake’s expression hardens, his voice low and cutting. “So, what now? You’re just going to walk away?”

“Why are we even together?” Your voice trembles with anger and betrayal.

You lock eyes with Jake, the heat of your emotions mirrored in his gaze. The silence between you is heavy with unspoken truths and shattered illusions. With a surge of indignation, you push back from the table, your chair scraping loudly against the floor.

“I can’t believe I fell for your lies again.” The words spill from your lips, each one dripping with bitterness and disappointment.

Without another glance at Jake, you turn and walk away, leaving him sitting there, his anger and confusion swirling around him like a storm. The weight of your decision hangs heavy on your shoulders, but deep down, you know it’s the right one.

Outside the restaurant, the cold air hits you sharply, intensifying the pain in your chest. You navigate the streets with blurred vision, tears streaming down your face until you find yourself standing outside Jungwon's door. You hesitate for a moment, but the need for comfort outweighs any doubts.

When Jungwon opens the door, his confusion is evident in his sleep-ruffled appearance. His messy hair and casual attire contrast sharply with the intensity in his eyes as he takes in your tear-streaked face. Without a word, he steps aside, allowing you to enter.

You don't hesitate this time. You throw yourself into his arms, seeking comfort in his embrace. Jungwon holds you gently, his hands soothing circles on your back. "What's wrong?" he asks softly, concern lacing his voice.

Between sobs, you manage to recount the disastrous dinner with Jake, the accusations, and the painful realization that your relationship with him might have been built on illusions. Jungwon listens in silence, his expression a mix of understanding and restrained frustration.

"H-he said I have a savior complex! Can you believe that!?"

Jungwon stares at you blankly as you rage on.

"I love you too much to stand here and listen to you cry about Jake," He finally says, his voice tinged with agitation. "I warned you, told you to decide, and yet you ran into his arms anyway. Now he's broken your heart yet again."

You sniffle, clinging to him desperately. His words are like a bitter pill, hard to swallow but painfully true. "I refuse to be the person you come to pick up the broken pieces of your heart every time you let someone else break it," Jungwon continues, his voice firm but pained. "I want to be the one who holds your heart, who gets to love you and treat you right."

Your heart sinks at his words, realization settling in like a heavy weight. "Jungwon, please," you plead, your voice shaky. Not even sure yourself what it is you’re begging for.

He pulls away gently, his eyes searching yours. "I can't subject myself to standing here and listening to you go on about another man," he says softly. "For my own sake, I need you to leave."

Shock courses through you, leaving you speechless. You try to protest, to explain, but Jungwon remains resolute. "Don't come back until you really know what you want," he says firmly. "Otherwise, leave me alone."

With those words ringing in your ears, you stand there, grappling with the magnitude of his decision and your own emotions. Reluctantly, you turn away, leaving Jungwon behind, the ache in your chest now compounded by regret and uncertainty.

As you walk back to your dorm, the weight of everything crashes down on you. It’s not just the fight with Jake or Jungwon's firm stance; it’s the realization of how selfish you’ve been, stringing Jungwon along and using him as your emotional crutch. He’s always been there, loving you without any conditions, and you’ve taken that for granted.

Each step feels heavier than the last, the cold hallway air biting at your skin as you replay Jungwon’s words in your mind. You’ve leaned on him for so long, taking his unconditional support and affection as a given. He was your safe haven, the one person you could always turn to without fear of judgment. But in doing so, you’ve hurt him deeply, using his love as a safety net without offering the same in return.

When you finally close the door to your dorm, the tears you’ve been holding back flood out, and you collapse against the door, your sobs echoing in the empty space. The full weight of your actions, the hurt you’ve caused, and the pain you’ve inflicted on someone who means so much to you crashes down, leaving you feeling raw and exposed.

The sound of your anguish draws Avi out of her room, and she rushes to your side, her face etched with worry. “What happened?” she asks softly, kneeling beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

You struggle to get the words out, your voice broken by sobs. “I’ve been such a horrible person,” you cry, the realization choking you. “I’ve been using Jungwon, leading him on while I figured out my feelings for Jake. I’ve been so unfair to him.”

Avi sighs, her hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. “At least you’re self-aware?” she says quietly, her words both a comfort and a sting. “Maybe for now you need to learn how to be comfortable with being alone.”

You nod through your tears, the truth of her words settling deep within you. “I’ve been so selfish,” you whisper. “He’s always been there for me, and I’ve taken him for granted. I never realized how much I was hurting him.”

Avi’s eyes are filled with sympathy, but she doesn’t sugarcoat the reality. “You need to give him space and time to heal,” she says. “And you need to figure out who you are and what you really want without any guys in the picture. You can’t keep bouncing between Jake and Jungwon. It’s not fair to either of them, and it’s not fair to yourself.”

You sniff, wiping at your tears, the weight of her words pressing down on you. “I know,” you admit. “I just… I don’t know how to start.”

Avi pulls you into a tighter hug, her voice gentle but firm. “You start by letting Jungwon go and focusing on yourself. You need to stop using him as a crutch and start dealing with your feelings head-on.”

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. For Jungwon’s sake, and for your own, you need to let go. As you sit there, leaning against the door with Avi by your side, you resolve to take the first step. It’s time to stop running from your feelings and face the consequences of your actions. It’s time to let Jungwon heal and to finally figure out who you are without relying on anyone else.

Sunday | Present Day

A week has come to pass and it's now December 8th. The days have blurred together as you've submerged yourself in studying for finals, avoiding any interactions with Beomgyu and Avi. You’re up before the sun, attending classes, and then disappearing into the library until the dead of night. Jake’s reached out a few times, begging to see you and apologies for how he acted but they all remain unanswered. You don't know how to approach that conversation. Jungwon, on the other hand, hasn’t texted at all, and that silence cuts deeper than you’d care to admit.

It's 5 a.m., and you're trying to sneak out to the library yet again, hoping to escape unnoticed. But as you step into the living room, you’re startled to find Avi sitting on the couch, waiting for you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks, her voice cutting through the early morning silence.

You freeze, caught off guard. It’s almost comical, being in trouble for studying too much. But Avi’s expression tells you this is no joke.

“Avi, I... I was just going to the library,” you stammer, clutching your books tighter.

Avi stands, her eyes never leaving yours. “I’ve been nothing but patient with you, giving you space and time to figure things out. But it’s clear that you’re just running away from everything.”

“Avi, I’m just trying to focus on my finals,” you protest weakly.

She shakes her head, her frustration evident. “Bullshit, you’re using your finals as an excuse to avoid dealing with your problems. I’m sick of you being so selfish.”

Her words sting, but you know she’s right. You’ve been hiding, avoiding the difficult conversations you need to have.

“All eight of us are going on the ski trip for winter break next week,” Avi continues, her tone firm. “And you need to get yourself together before then. There won’t be peace or fun if nearly half the house is beefing.”

You look at her in shock. “Jungwon agreed to go?”

“Yes,” Avi confirms, her gaze unwavering. “But that doesn’t mean he’s forgiven you. You need to talk to him, and to Jake. It’s clear you care for both of them, but you’ve handled this terribly. They’re both humans with real emotions, and it’s not fair to keep them in the dark.”

You swallow hard, the guilt washing over you. “I understand.”

“Do you?” Avi presses, her eyes piercing. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t be running away to the library every chance you get. You need to do better. For their sake and for yours.”

Tears well up in your eyes, the weight of her words sinking in. “I’m sorry, Avi. I just... I don’t know how to fix this.”

Avi’s expression softens slightly, but her resolve remains. “You start by being honest with them, and with yourself. Talk to Jake, talk to Jungwon. Tell them how you feel, and let them decide what they want to do. You can’t control their reactions, but you can at least give them the truth.”

You nod, wiping away a tear. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Avi takes a step closer, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I love you, but you need to do better. This isn’t just about you. It’s about them, too. They deserve honesty.”

“I know,” you whisper, your voice breaking.

Avi pulls you into a hug, her voice gentle but firm. “You’re going to get through this, but you need to stop running. Don’t put it off any longer.”

She pulls back, looking at you with a mixture of love and teasing. “I can’t believe you’ve made me actually like Jake,” she says with a mock grimace. “Seriously, you’ve managed to make me sympathize with that guy. It’s almost impressive.”

You let out a shaky laugh, the tension easing a bit. “I guess that’s one way to measure my impact.”

Avi smiles, giving you a playful nudge. “I’m not that angry with you, you know. Just frustrated because I know you’re capable of handling this better.”

“Thanks, Avi,” you say, your voice filled with gratitude. “I really appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Always,” she replies, her tone softening. “Now, go get some sleep, I know you’re miserable with all the studying you’ve been doing.”

You both laugh before you nod, “I will.”

Avi gives you one last encouraging squeeze before retreating back to her room. As she disappears behind her door, you stand there for a moment, thinking of what to do.

With a deep breath, you head back to your room and pull out your phone.

[December 8th, 5:27 AM]

[you]: are you free later today to talk? 

Once the message is sent you toss your phone aside and get back under your covers letting the warm embrace of sleep take you once more.

͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏___

knock ! knock

You look up from your seated position on the couch once your mind registers the knocks on your front door. You walk towards the door to let them in. You do a once over in the mirror and flatten out any wrinkles in your dress before opening the door.

Jake stands there, looking slightly awkward, hands shoved into his pockets. His eyes meet yours with a mix of hesitation and what seems to be acceptance. 

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” you reply, stepping aside to let him in.

Jake takes a seat on the couch and looks around the room, his eyes scanning every corner as if searching for something familiar. “Are we alone?” he asks, his voice almost a whisper.

You nod. “Yeah, Avi is out hanging with Beomgyu.”

Jake nods, playing with his fingers, a nervous habit you recognize. Your fingers itch to hold his hand. The silence between you is thick, almost suffocating. Both of you open your mouths at the same time, starting to speak before stopping and laughing awkwardly.

“You go first,” you encourage, offering him a small, reassuring smile.

Jake takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry for how I reacted the other day,” he begins, his voice sincere. “I didn’t handle it well, and I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. You were bringing up genuine concerns in our relationship, and I got defensive.”

You nod, listening intently as he continues.

“It stung, hearing about Jungwon. It felt like he took my spot in your life while I was gone. But you’re right—we have changed. We’re not the same people we were back then.”

You bite your lip, feeling the weight of his words. When he finishes, you take a deep breath and gather the courage to say what you need to. “Jake, I kissed Jungwon.”

Jake looks taken aback, but there’s no anger in his eyes, just a sadness that seems to have been lingering for a while. He nods slowly, almost as if he expected it. “What now?” he asks, his voice soft.

You sigh, feeling a lump form in your throat. “I appreciate your apology, and I’m sorry for kissing Jungwon. But I think it’s best if we end things here.”

Jake swallows hard at your words but he doesn’t say anything back, he lets you continue.

“A part of my heart will always belong to you, and I’ll always love you, but we’re different people now. It was naive of us to think we could just jump into a relationship without taking the time to get to know each other again, without being friends first.”

Jake’s eyes fill with tears, and despite his efforts to hide them, a few escape down his cheeks. “I understand,” he says, his voice trembling. “I’ll always love you, too. If anything changes for you, I’ll always be here.”

You’re both crying now, the emotional weight of the moment almost too much to bear. You stand up, and he follows suit, wrapping you in a tight hug. The embrace is bittersweet, filled with love and loss.

After a few moments, you pull back slightly, looking into his eyes. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? I’d still love to be friends.”

Jake nods and smiles, his tears still flowing. “Me too.”

You see him out, giving him one last hug in the hallway. As he rounds the corner, Jungwon comes into view. He sees you wiping away your tears as Jake sniffs and clears his throat before leaving. Jungwon pauses, watching the exchange.

You manage a gentle smile at Jungwon. “Would you like to come in?” you ask softly.

Jungwon stares at you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then he nods, following you back into your room. The silence is heavy, but it’s not the same as it was with Jake. This silence almost feels…hopeful? Maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance for something different between you.

As you close the door behind you both, Jungwon stands awkwardly in the center of your room, unsure of what to do or say. “Are you okay?” he asks finally, his voice gentle.

You manage a smile, though tears still linger in your eyes. “I’m okay,” you assure him softly. “Just... processing everything.”

You motion for him to take a seat on the couch while you step into your room to grab something. You return with a small gift bag, decorated with a simple blue ribbon. “Here,” you say quietly, handing it to him.

Jungwon looks down at the bag, then up at you, confusion flickering across his face. “What’s this?” he asks, his voice filled with curiosity.

You take a deep breath, meeting his gaze. “It’s not much,” you start, your voice catching slightly. “But I wanted to give you something. A start towards... a new beginning.”

He cautiously opens the bag and peers inside, finding cherry gummies, old Polaroids of the two of you from happier times, a sheep-shaped keychain, a gift card to Tatte, and other small trinkets that hold significance. Jungwon lifts the Polaroids, his eyes flickering over the captured moments of laughter and shared adventures.

“What’s all this for?” he asks softly, still trying to process your sudden gesture of affection.

You swallow, gathering your thoughts. “I know it’s not enough to fix everything I’ve done,” you begin, your voice earnest. “But each of these... they represent moments from our friendship that I took for granted. The cherry gummies for the late-night talks and movie nights, the Polaroids for the memories we shared, the keychain because you’re like a little sheep, and I have a matching one on my keys...”

Jungwon listens quietly, his expression unreadable.

“The gift card,” you continue, “is my way of paying forward all those times you woke up at the crack of dawn to get me croissants from the French bakery. I never properly thanked you for that.”

He finally looks up at you, his eyes searching yours. There’s a mix of emotions in his gaze—confusion, surprise, and perhaps a hint of cautious hope.

You take a deep breath, your heart pounding in your chest. “Jungwon, I’ve been blind,” you confess, your voice trembling slightly. “I had something amazing right in front of me, and I... I blew it because I was stuck in my past. I took advantage of your kindness, made you a second choice instead of treating you like you deserved.”

Jungwon remains silent, processing your words.

“You were the one who loved me without conditions,” you continue, your voice cracking with emotion. “You were patient with me, showed me what it’s like to be loved deeply by someone who’s willing to brave the pain of not having that love returned.”

Still, Jungwon says nothing, but he listens intently, his expression softening slightly.

“I ended things with Jake,” you admit, a small smile tugging at your lips through the tears. “I see now that we were never meant to be anything more than each other’s first love.”

Jungwon’s eyes widen in surprise at your revelation. “You... let Jake go?” he asks softly, as if needing confirmation.

You nod, your smile widening just a fraction. “It was time,” you say with a shrug, though the decision still weighs heavily on your heart.

He takes a moment to absorb this new piece of information before speaking again. “And what about us?” he asks quietly, his voice tinged with vulnerability.

You take a step closer to him, closing the distance between you. “If you’re still willing,” you begin, your voice steady despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach, “I would love to try again. To take things slow, as friends, while I figure out who I am and what I want. And when we’re both ready, maybe... we can try our hand at dating.”

Jungwon stares at you, his expression unreadable for a moment. Then, slowly, a small smile spreads across his face—the kind of smile that reaches his eyes and warms your heart.

“I’d like that,” he finally says, his voice filled with sincerity.

You exhale a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, relief flooding through you. “Thank you,” you whisper, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders.

Jungwon steps forward, wrapping you in a warm embrace. You melt into his arms, feeling a sense of homecoming you hadn’t realized you’d been missing.

“I’m sorry, Jungwon,” you say again, this time from the bottom of your heart. “I’ve been such a shitty friend. Selfish. But I want to do better. I want to make things right.”

He pulls back slightly to look at you, his gaze tender. “You already are,” he says softly. “Let’s take it slow. Figure things out together.”

You nod, tears of relief and happiness streaming down your cheeks. For the first time in weeks, you feel as though you’re finally doing something right.

As you stand there in Jungwon's embrace, your heart feels lighter, Jake was your first—a boy whose love had once been the center of your universe. Even now, a part of you will always carry him with you. You know you will love him to the ends of the earth, cherishing the memories you shared, the lessons learned, and the person you became because of him.

But as you look at Jungwon, holding you with a warmth and gentleness that feels like coming home, you realize that your heart has found room for another. Yang Jungwon. The first man to show you the true meaning of selfless love. His patience, his unwavering support, and the way he saw you—the real you—without conditions or expectations. He has taught you that love doesn't demand to be earned or proven; it simply exists, patiently waiting for you to embrace it.

You’ll forever be grateful for him. For his kindness and understanding, for the quiet strength he gave you when you were too lost to find your own. In his eyes, you see a future where love is not a battlefield, but a sanctuary.

Jake will always be a cherished part of your story, a chapter that shaped you in ways you’re still discovering. But Jungwon is the present and future, the man who holds your heart now, showing you that love can be both enduring and gentle. 

With Jake, you learned the passion of first love; with Jungwon, you’re learning the depth of true, unconditional love. And as you stand here, wrapped in Jungwon's arms, you know that while parts of your heart belong to Jake, you will now and forever carry Jungwon in your heart too. This new chapter, with its promises of understanding and growth, feels like the beginning of something beautiful—a journey towards a love that is as healing as it is profound.

[overlyspecific]

Part 3 of Merlin as Robin Hood

Part 1, Part 2

Arthur and his knights in the woods after being told to track Merlin down and bring him to justice.

Arthur: Everyone, split up and comb the area. He has to be here somewhere.

The knights take off in different directions until only Arthur remains.

Merlin: *as a disembodied voice from the forest* Not smart of you to be in these woods alone.

Arthur: *trying very hard to keep a blank princely expression* Not smart of you to not hide your tracks. I thought I taught you better than that.

Merlin: *Still unseen, voice whispering from the woods* How are you supposed to track me if I don’t leave you tracks?

Arthur: YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WANT TO BE TRACKED!

Merlin: *finally appearing from behind a tree, grinning ear to ear* Where’s the fun in that?

Arthur draws his sword and points it at Merlin. Merlin’s smile wavers.

Merlin: You know you don’t need to use that with me. I would never hurt you.

Arthur: How can I trust anything you say? You’ve fooled me before.

Merlin: I couldn’t tell you because you would have put me to death, not so unsimilar to what you are trying to do now.

Arthur feels guilty all of a sudden and sheathes his sword.

Merlin: That’s better. Now we can have a civil chat like old times.

Arthur: *beginning to laugh and draw closer to Merlin, taking in his friend for the first time in months* When did you ever act civilly?

A knight bursts out of the woods with his sword drawn heading straight for Merlin. Arthur pushes Merlin out of the way. Merlin recovers from his shock and freezes the knight and Arthur with his magic.

Knight: Get away from the prince! I don’t know how you enchanted him to save your life but release him at once.

Merlin: *keeping his eyes on Arthur* Depends on what the king is willing to pay. How much is an enchantment free prince worth to the king.

Arthur: Merlin!

Merlin: I’m just having some fun. I can’t stay any longer though lads, I heard the king sent his most fearsome knights after me and I dont want to run into them.

Merlin approaches Arthur and brings a hand about an inch from Arthur’s face like he wants to touch his jaw but thinks better of it and puts his hand back down. He smiles a cocksure smile and disappears back into the shadows of the forest. After a couple of minutes, Arthur and the Knight are able to move again.

Knight: Sire, are you alright?

Arthur: Yes, I’m fine. Not a word of this to anyone.

Knight: But Prince Arthur, what about your father?

Arthur: We will tell him we lost the tracks in the woods. Gather the men, let’s get back before dawn breaks.

[mrsjellymunson]

Imagine coming home after a long day of work or what not and you hear eddie talking to someone, you assume one of eddies friends or his uncle is over so you head in to the living room to greet eddie and who ever just to find eddie with like four maine coon kittens he glances over at you and smiles "look what i found in a box babe we can keep them right? I didn't wanna leave them out in the cold or well in general"

NO you did NOT just invoke The Maine Coon Principle™️?!?! 🙀 (This is one of my bestie’s favourite breeds and she’s had numerous over the years, and I’ve even been lucky enough to look after them at my house on occasion).

“Four, Eddie? You’ve brought four cats into the house? You realise we live in an apartment, right?! Well, they are pretty cute, maybe we can keep one. Ohhh, their fur is so sofffft… Okay, maybe two. What do you mean, we can’t split them up because they’ll pine for each other? I’ll split something in a minute… Stop making that face at me. You know I can’t say no to you when you make that face… Don’t- don’t touch me either. Stop. Stop it! Okay, okay, I submit, I submit! We’ll keep them all, Jeez… You gotta promise to help out with the litter though…”

Eddie calls the white one Falcor, and he spends most of his time lounging on sunny windowsills. Despite what you’d heard about white cats, he’s not deaf. Unless you’re scolding him for something, in which case he most definitely invokes his selective hearing.

The grey and white one is Ozzy. He’s the biggest, and he has a wild expression and demeanour that mirrors his namesake. He does what he likes, when he likes, and couldn’t give a dead mouse about what you think.

The brownish-black one Eddie calls Bear, because, well, he is one. He’s a massive softie (just like Eddie), and will find the most inconvenient and inappropriate times and positions in which to demand affection. On the phone to your boss? His butt is in your face. Trying to cook? He’s pawing at your sleeves from the kitchen counter (what is he doing up there anyway?! Get down Bear, you know you’re not allowed up there!)

And the smallest one, a tabby who’s still in reality much larger than your average domestic cat, is called Pickle, because she’s a cheeky minx and is always getting into scrapes. Once, you thought she’d disappeared because you didn’t see her for days, but it turned out she’d made a home on top of the kitchen cabinets. And that time you had to have the flooring up to fix an electrical fault, she managed to sneak down there and came back with fur absolutely covered in cobwebs and, you suspect, a belly full of spiders.

You keep them as house cats because your apartment’s on the fourth floor and there’s no safe space to let them out. And you wouldn’t want to anyway, because they’ve all grown up to be so pretty that you just know some crazy person would take a liking to them and try to steal them away. (You sometimes feel a little like this when Eddie’s playing The Hideout, but you’d never let a little healthy jealousy stop him from doing what he loves. Plus, you know he only has eyes for you. And the cats...)

You don’t know for sure whether they’re siblings (though it’s highly likely), but you understand enough about cats to know that won’t stop them *ahem* procreating. So you got them all neutered when the local animal shelter had a promotional offer, making it more affordable. They’re happy and healthy, and you feel secure in the knowledge that there aren’t ever going to be any ‘surprises’ under your bed one night when you get home. Frankly, that day Eddie brought the box home was quite enough of a cat-related shock to last you a lifetime, thank you very much. (PSA: NEUTER YOUR CATS!)

They eat you out of house and home, the litter thing is never ending, and the hair issue (that was already bad enough just with Eddie shedding his voluminous locks) makes you want to move out sometimes.

But the look on Eddie’s face when Pickle tries to climb between him and his guitar when she wants cuddles, and when two, some times three of them curl up on top of you both when you snuggle down for a movie night, makes it all worthwhile.

There’s debate about whether this breed are either extremely intelligent, or actually a bit stupid. You think you could say the same about Eddie, and you’re still undecided about either the cats or him. You suspect it’s actually a mixture of both. And you wonder whether that’s one of the (many) reasons why you love him, and your found cat family, so very, very much.

🐱🐈

Tagging my general taglist, even though none of you have ever asked to be notified about any cat-related content 😹😹: @joejoequinnquinn @jamdoughnutmagician @curlyjoequinn @madaboutmunson @airen256 @sunshinepeachx @the-unforgivenn @skrzydlak @comeonatmebruh @jamiecb66 @80s-addict @abellmunsonmovie @definitionwanderlust @sheneedsrocknroll92 @munson-blurbs @wonderlanddreamer @daisy-munson @maedesculpaeusoubi backtagging @rebelfell

[akimiiyo]

hihi!!! how r u? i wish ur doing good :3

can i request lyney, kaveh n alhaitam (and any char u want) with a male reader? maybe having a date? :3 If u dont want or can't write it is fine with gn or female reader

-> DATES !

⌗synopsis : sweet dates with them.

⌗characters : alhaitham, kaveh, lyney.

⌗cw : male!reader, lowercase intended, not proofread.

alhaitham ;

it had been a while since you and alhaitham had been out together. he usually made sure to have some time alone with you, but since he had recently been promoted to grand sage, work had been piling up without him realising. although he never came to you to talk about all his duties, you still understood that he was having a rough time while trying to keep up with both his job and each other’s quality time.

alhaitham was not having it though. he wanted to do his best to finally make up some time so he could spend it with his sweet boyfriend. that’s why he entrusted someone else to deal with anything he had to do for half a day and plan a nice picnic in the outskirts of sumeru city. he was desperately looking for some peace and quiet with you, away from everybody else.

he took care of everything without telling you anything, wanting to impress you by doing all this for you. so it came as a surprise to you once you saw the small and cosy space he put up for you. before you laid a blanket with all sorts of delicacies laying on it and a couple of books, a mix of his and your favourites.

with a kiss, he led you towards the blanket and started telling you about everything he’d done so he could organise this for you both. you kissed him again before you sat together in a peaceful silence, the sound of your breaths mingling with the soothing sounds of nature. you spent the rest of the day there talking, reading, cuddling while the last rays of sunlight were just disappearing behind the horizon, the sky above you slowly shifting from blue to deep navy.

kaveh ;

he had been having a rough time these past couple of weeks, always coming back from meetings with his clients more exhausted than the day before. you couldn’t help but feel bad to see your boyfriend so burnt out, not being able to relax even in the comforts of your shared home. hence why you decided to plan a sweet date just for him! you thought the best idea would be to organise an indoor date just between the two of you, so kaveh would finally manage to loosen up a bit.

“oh, before i forget. try to finish quickly with whatever you have to do tomorrow. there’ll a surprise waiting for you once you’re back.” you simply told him, kissing him one last time before turning around and going to sleep.

the preparations began as soon as kaveh left the house the next day. you thought of a nice candlelit dinner together. a bit cliché, but that was just how he liked it. everyone knows how much of a hopeless romantic kaveh is. you took great care in preparing the space for an intimate atmosphere. candles were carefully placed and lit, casting a soft, warm glow in the room. you made sure the table was elegantly set with your favorite tableware and a bouquet of fresh, beautiful flowers as a centerpiece.

every detail was thoughtfully attended to, from the ambient lighting to the soothing music, in anticipation of your special evening together. as soon as kaveh was back, you welcomed him warmly, settling into your seats. he can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for him while he looks at the place before you shush him with a quick kiss. from there on your conversation flows effortlessly as you’re sitting across from each other at the table, the warm glow of the candles casting a soft light on your faces.

lyney ;

you hadn’t seen lyney as often as usual this week because he had been preparing for a show that was supposed to go on the next weekend. although you said nothing about it, he knew you missed him. that is why he knocked on your door unexpectedly today to take you out with him!

despite wishing he would’ve had given you a little more time to get ready, you were ecstatic at the idea of having some alone time with your lover. he brought you to a cute little cafe downtown. it was a well-hidden spot, one that had just recently opened up so not many people knew about it. the interior was be cosy, warm lighting with a delicious smell of freshly brewed coffee. you sat in a secluded corner, away from other costumers as you began talking. you both had so many things to catch up to.

between kisses and conversations, you talked the day away. if it hadn’t been for the waiter kicking you both out, you would’ve actually sat there for the entire day. so there you both were now, strolling through the quartier narbonnais hand in hand, enjoying the charming sights and the soft sound of music playing from the shops nearby mixed to people’s chatter.

“you know, this was quite sudden. i thought you had so many things to do that we couldn’t go out together until you had it sorted out.” you admited after a while, his hand still intertwined with yours. lyney huffed and looked the other way before answering. “oh please, you can seriously believe i hadn’t noticed how sad you were feeling.” he said. his gaze turned back on while he brought your hand up to his lips. “i begged freninet to take care of some stuff for me so i could spend the day with you.”

⌗a/n : okey this sucks, im sorry. im not sure if this is exactly what you were asking for either 😿 i wanted to post this much sooner but i had some studying to do, but now im finally free! yayayayay!!!

want to read more? take a look at my masterlist!

©2024 akimiiyo. do not repost, translate, plagiarise, or modify in any way, shape or form.

[sirianasims]

Chapter 43.6

My mother taught me that sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours, and you’re soaked through and miserable and it feels like it may never stop. But no matter how heavily the rain falls, no matter how drenched you get, you are not the rain.

Some day you will be dry again.

Things have been easier since I blocked Paul, the pain slowly fading to a dull ache, barely noticeable as long as I don’t dig too deep. I try to keep myself distracted, reading Lucky Girl for what must be the fifth time. It’s my comfort read, Evie reminds me a little of myself. I think we could have been friends, hanging out and agreeing that being in love is the absolute worst, actually, while we yearn for our respective idiots.

The memory of Paul is not the only thing I’m trying to escape. With all my channels inactive, even the haters have gone quiet and my views are dropping every week. I’ve toyed with the idea of simply abandoning everything and starting a new brand, but I don’t want to rebuild my follower count from scratch. I don’t have time for it. My bills are starting to pile up, and while I can still pay them for now, it won’t be long before I have to either crawl back to mom and dad and ask for help, or get one of those real jobs people keep talking about. I’m not even sure which option I would hate the most, so I hide in my book for now.

A sharp knock on the door jerks me away from Evie admiring Jude in an art gallery and back to reality.

I hesitate for a moment. I have no idea who it could be, and I don’t want to see anyone, especially not some smarmy salesperson – or worse, my landlord. With a sigh, I put my book face down on the armrest and shuffle to the door.

Miranda is leaning casually against the doorway, her high heels making her look almost as tall as Samara. At their feet, a couple of large shopping bags are threatening to fall over and spill their contents on my doormat.

“See, Samara? I told you she was still alive.”

“So you did. Then I sure hope she has a very good excuse for refusing to see her best friends for almost two months!“

I feel my cheeks get hot. “Uh, hi. I’m sorry I disappeared, I’ve just had a rough time since, you know. But I promise to call you, maybe we can make plans soon?”

“No need, we’re here now, so you won’t have to worry about that.” Samara’s smile is cheerful, but her tone is resolute. Even so, I try to object.

“Seriously, it’s not a good time, I haven’t even showered for like three days, and the place is a mess.”

“Girl, since when do we care about mess? We’re here because we love you – stinky or not.” She wrinkles her nose, making the freckles on her face dance.

“What is this, some sort of intervention?”

Miranda smirks. “Pretty much. Sorry, but someone’s gotta save you from yourself, and we’re not letting you waste any more time moping over a man who didn’t deserve you. We’ve got snacks and a box of rosé with your name on it, so you might as well get out of the way.”

“Fiiine, but no judging the absolute state of the place.” I roll my eyes and invite them in with a dramatic flourish of my arm, but I can’t help but smile. Samara bounces through the door despite the heavy shopping bags, and Miranda goes straight for my laptop.

“What’s your login?”

“It’s just my birthday, and before you come for me, yes, I know that’s bad.”

Miranda shakes her head as the laptop plays a jaunty tune and lets her in.

“You’ll get the full security lecture another day, right now it’s time to declare inbox bankruptcy. We’re getting rid of all this bullshit so you can get back to business.”

“Miranda, there are literally thousands of messages. It’ll take days to go through, maybe weeks.”

She doesn’t even look up, her perfectly manicured fingers a blur over the keyboard.

“Give me an hour. I’m going to delete anything that contains profanity, and then I’ll sort the rest into folders, so don’t worry, you won’t be losing anything permanently. But I’m going to mark everything as read and archive it so you can get a fresh start. If anyone wants something important from you, they’ll reach out again, trust me.”

I stop myself from protesting further. Miranda knows what she’s doing, and it really would be a relief not to worry about everything.

Behind me, Samara has stopped unpacking the groceries.

“Just let Miranda work her magic and get your smelly butt into a bath. And make it a nice one, soak for a bit and pretend you’re a mermaid or something. We’ll get everything set up in here while you scrub off the sadness.”

I feel a slight pang of embarrassment as I walk into the bathroom. The sunlight is creating little islands of warmth on the black tiles, but it also mercilessly illuminates the limescale in the shower and a couple of cotton swabs that missed the bin. The sink is decorated with a few dried clumps of toothpaste, each of them outlined in red from last time I dyed my hair.

How did I let it get this bad?

I turn on the taps and leave them running while I undress. Then, I lower myself awkwardly into the tub and let the water cascade through my fingers. It would be nice if it was this easy, washing away the sadness and frustration, the longing and the hurt.

The gentle sound of flowing water is mesmerising, and before I know it, the tub is full. I add a small handful of bath salts and swirl it around. A soothing scent of lavender rises with the steam.

When I lie down, the hot water envelops me like a hug. It feels like it’s thawing something in me that I didn’t even know was frozen. I close my eyes and listen to Samara and Miranda laughing about something. It’s almost like being home and hearing my parents talk softly in the other room. It always made me feel safe. Less alone.

As the water begins to cool, I scrub down, slowly, methodically, running soapy hands along every inch of my body. It feels good, like I’m massaging life back into my limbs. Tonight will be fun, I decide. We’re going to stuff our faces with junk food, get absolutely smashed on cheap wine, and pretend that my heart was never broken by some has-been actor from Tartosa.

I watch as the tub empties, imagining that all my sadness is flowing down the drain with the water and the tiny undissolved purple specks from the bath salt. Finally, I move to the shower to wash my hair and rinse off.

When I get out, I stop and examine myself in the mirror. I look a little tired and worn, like I’ve been sick. In a way, I guess I have. But the black tiles are radiating warmth under my feet and there are birds singing outside my window and I’m beginning to feel like everything is going to be fine.

Samara’s blue face glitters in the candlelight. The packaging from the masks we’ve applied is littered with adjectives like “rejuvenating” and “revitalising”, bold statements, but they do actually feel pretty good.

“Sorry, Julia, I know you love this crap, but I just can’t get over the cake tongue. Who decided cake would be the best bait for people? Are we really that obsessed with desserts?”

I look over my nails one last time and put down the file. “I’m actually more disturbed by the whole chin udder situation. I mean, who came up with that?”

Samara makes a disgusted face, but she’s not ready to change the subject. “Seriously though, even if you were absolutely starving and cake was your favourite thing in the whole world, would you really approach a plant shaped like a giant cow head with huge teeth? Really? And then try to grab what is obviously its tongue?”

Miranda giggles tipsily. “No, but can we talk about how Ned’s relationship with the cow plant is super toxic, though? I mean, it always starts out slow, right? Oh, so it eats meat, little bit of a red flag there, but it’s probably fine. And before you know it, you find yourself luring your neighbours to their deaths just to keep it happy.”

“Yeah, it’s classic, the way he keeps making excuses for her? She didn’t mean it, she’s just misunderstood! She only bites me because she loves me! I’m like, Ned, your girlfriend is eating people, you need professional help.”

Samara laughs. “I guess some men would literally rather feed their neighbours to a plant than go to therapy.”

My phone vibrates on the armrest behind me.

“Sorry, it’s Marten again, I better let him know I’ve got company. He’s been super busy with his exams so we haven’t had much time to play lately.”

Miranda raises an eyebrow.

“And he’s still fine just being your friend, is he?”

“Why wouldn’t he be? I mean, he was fine being my friend even though I was dating Paul. Besides, I haven’t even seen him in person since GeekCon, it’s been almost a year…”

I stop. Almost a year since I met Paul. It feels like a lifetime ago. I wonder what would have happened if I’d cosplayed as someone else, or if Paul hadn’t been there that day. Maybe I could have been dating Marten instead of having my heart trampled by some fickle celebrity. Nice, normal Marten with his mousy hair and his robot facts. I smile.

“Anyway, there’s nothing between me and Marten. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

Miranda sends me a mischievous grin. “That reminds me, you know that hot bartender from The Rooftop? Super flirty, cheekbones that could cut glass?”

“The one who gave us free refills on Samara’s birthday? Shane or something?”

“Yeah, him! He asked about you last time, wondered why you hadn’t come with us for like three weeks in a row.”

“How does he even know my name?”

“He didn’t, he just asked about our red-haired friend but you’ve clearly made an impression.” Miranda winks. “Maybe he’d be willing to help you get over Paul.”

I shake my head. “No thanks, I’m pretty sure he’s slept with like half the regulars. And I’m not looking for hook-ups, not now. I need to get my so-called career back on track, but I want to do something… different.”

I think of Paul, of late nights in hotel rooms, laughing at the most ridiculous b-movies before having amazing sex and falling asleep with his arms around me. “I don’t want to do cosplay again, absolutely nothing with movies or comics or superheroes.”

Miranda looks thoughtful. “What about just fashion stuff? I started out with just my shoe reviews and now it’s more general style advice and outfits to match your heels, but you have an eye for it and you know a lot about cuts and materials and design.”

“I guess? I don’t really know a lot about classic fashion, though, like couture and such. And it’s a really tough business to get into, plus I’d kinda like to keep the expenses down for now.”

“You could always just jump on one of the big trends. I bet you’d make bank as one of those clean girl aesthetic influencers or something.”

“That’s actually a good idea. I mean, I can probably get pretty far with just the makeup and clothes I already have. And I could move my sewing machine and rearrange the room, set up my camera and the lights…”

Miranda laughs. “We can start right now as long as it means we don’t have to watch any more terrible movies tonight.”

I reach for the remote. “Not a chance.”

beginning / previous / next

[separatist-apologist]

Never Not Mine

Summary: Elain Archeron has been betrothed to the seventh born son of Autumn for as long as she can remember. With her family's reputation in the balance, Elain is resigned to her fate.

That doesn't mean she has to like it…or that she has to make it easy for him.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Read on AO3

Elain wasn’t invited into the meeting with Kallias, leaving her alone with the Lady of Winter, Viviane. She’d never met her, either, though Elain of course knew of her—had seen her on occasion but never spoken to her.

“Walk with me,” Viviane had suggested when Lucien disappeared behind a door. His face was still freshly brutalized, the scars pink around the edges. It was a miracle he was alive at all—he should have died. He should have died in the mountains while she clutched at his body, sobbing into the howling wind. 

No one knew that, though. Lucien had survived that night, a magic Elain didn’t truly understand. He was a seventh son with no magical gifts to speak of. Eris had the markers of a future High Lord and yet…when Elain had woken that morning, Lucien had still been battling the ravages of the poison, but he, too, still radiated magic pooled deep in a well he had no business having.

Kallias had been prepared to turn them away with little more than a healer but had changed his mind when he looked upon Lucien. Had he seen it? The challenge to Beron’s power, the possibility of a neighbor whose High Lord owed him his life? 

“Walk with me,” Viviane murmured, linking her arm with Elain’s. “There’s no point sitting around waiting on males.”

“I’d like to know what they’re discussing,” Elain replied, frustrated she’d been shut out. The only reason Lucien was around to talk to was because of her. She’d dragged him here, heavy and limp and at one point without a horse. She deserved to be included. 

“I’m sure your husband will tell you,” Viviane replied in that sweet, good-natured way of hers. “They like to feel important though, don’t they?”

That did little to soothe Elain’s wounded pride. “Do you know what they’re discussing?”

“Helion's terms, likely,” Viviane said, pretty face serene in the cold morning glow. If Kallias was frigid ice then Viviane was inviting snow. Still cold, but in a way that felt friendly—pretty, beneath the glittering sunlight and yet no less dangerous should you drop your guard. “High Lord’s can be…difficult…when it comes to hospitality.”

“Eris Vanserra warned us not to go to Day,” Elain admitted, wondering only after the fact if it was wise to tell Kallias’ wife. 

“I’m sure he knows more about the inner workings of Autumn…but his wife is from Day, and I would think the relationship between their two courts is friendlier than most.”

“Maybe the way he acquired her left a bad taste in their High Lord’s mouth?” Elain asked as she slid her hands into her pockets.

Viviane’s pale, blue eyes twinkled. “Perhaps. Helion can’t be too upset if he’s allowing you both to remain in exile, should you like.”

Was that what they were, then? Exiles? Elain would think about it later because she had one, last question for the Lady of Winter. “Lucien should be dead,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper.

Viviane’s eyes sharpened. “My lady Elain. Are you certain this is a conversation you want to have with me?”

Elain hesitated. “You…you were there when Kallias became High Lord. You saw…”

“I did,” Viviane agreed, her face cold as night. “And it was a secret I would have taken to my grave. I would consider what you say to me very carefully because there are some who would kill a potential High Lord on sight.”

Elain’s blood ran cold. “You wouldn’t.”

Viviane only shrugged, her sweetness returning. “Who can say what I or my High Lord might do? I would hate for you to find out when you’re so close to leaving.”

Elain sighed. “I hate politics.”

Viviane bumped her shoulder with Elain’s. “As do I. Whatever your suspicions, though, just know…I echo them, privately. Helion commands over a thousand libraries. Do some research, see what you uncover…and then move in secret. No matter how his brothers claim to love him, they will only see a threat, should your suspicions prove correct.”

There was nothing left to say to the Lady of Winter—though Elain had a million questions. They could have been friends, she thought glumly once Viviane parted ways with her. Viviane could have mentored Elain through all this, if only briefly and instead…instead she picked her home. Elain couldn’t begrudge her for that. 

She found Nuan lounging in one of the sitting rooms available to guests. She was knitting something with both her good and mechanical hand in a buttery beam of light that made her onyx hair shift between blue and purple depending on how the light touched it. She turned her lovely face toward Elain, causing Elain a prick of discomfort. How did Lucien know her?

She was…she was beautiful.

And Elain was jealous. How had they met? What, she wondered, was even the nature of their relationship. She could have asked, of course, but Elain didn’t know how to without betraying what she felt. Nuan might betray her to Lucien, who would surely gloat and be generally obnoxious. 

Elain started to turn but the rustle of her skirt was loud. “Sit with me,” Nuan said in her pleasant, sweet voice. “I’m going crazy sitting here by myself. It’s so quiet.”

Elain had never been to Dawn. Creeping closer, she asked, “Is Dawn loud?”

“Dawn is lively,” Nuan replied with a bright smile. “It’s warmer, and people are naturally around. Here, everyone is in specific rooms, and it feels so…exclusionary, I suppose.”

Elain crept a little closer. “How much longer are you staying?”

“Just until I can see Lucien again,” Nuan told her, eyes falling back to the yarn in her lap. What was she making, Elain wondered? She was entranced by the way her fingers moved in a blur of color, creating row after row as though it were an afterthought. 

“You need to see him?”

Why did it bother her so much what Lucien may or may not be doing? It never had before. It did, though. Elain’s stomach churned at the thought of beautiful Nuan with her husband, her…her what? 

Nuan offered Elain a secretive smile. “Just to make sure all is well…and offer him some advice.”

“Advice about what?” Elain demanded a little too hotly. 

Nuan didn’t react, raising her hand to flex mechanical fingers. It was just as lovely as she was, glinting in the sunlight as each finger bent like the real thing. “His new life. The stares, the whispers…the way people are going to react when they see him.”

It was pure indignation that made her respond, “Why would they do that? He’s still just as handsome as he ever was!”

Nuan didn’t bother to hide her smile. “I suppose all that matters is that you think so. It’ll make things easier for him.”

“Can I sit with you while we wait?” Elain asked her, some of her frustration easing. If Lucien did have a past with this female, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing. 

Nuan nodded, her fingers slowing for a moment. Curious, Elain asked, “Do your mechanical fingers help?”

Nuan’s laugh was pretty. “A little. They never tire, which is nice. It doesn’t help with my other hand, of course, but I can keep this going indefinitely if I want.”

“I’m a little jealous,” Elain admitted, thinking of how much more gardening she could do if her arms didn’t start to ache halfway through. 

“Don’t be,” Nuan replied, but there was a lightness to her tone. They fell into companionable silence and by the time Lucien found them, Elain had forgotten all about her jealousy. They talked of Dawn and Spring, comparing and contrasting the High Lords and their courts. Elain listened like a starving animal, desperate for any crumbs of the world she’d been so sheltered from. 

“We can leave as soon as you’re ready,” Lucien told her, sounding just as exhausted as he looked. 

“Do you have a moment?” Nuan asked, setting her yarn and needles into her chair as she rose, graceful as a dancer. 

Lucien’s eyes cut between Elain and Nuan before nodding, beckoning for her to follow him out. Elain felt her hackles raise, fingers gripping the edge of the chair as she forced herself to remain seated. Everything is fine, she chanted over and over in her mind. Why did she care if he was alone with another female?

But oh.

She did

LUCIEN: 

“I spoke with your wife,” Nuan began once they were locked in Lucien’s bedroom. Her dark eyes teased him, sparkling with mischief. “What kind of lies did you tell to get her?”

“What are you insinuating?” Lucien demanded, laying himself on a chaise as Nuan loomed over him.

“Only that she could almost certainly have done better than a rake like you.”

Lucien spluttered, though there was truth to her words. “I’m not a rake.”

Nuan only laughed, fingers pressing at the edges of his new eye. “Of course you aren’t, which is why there was a small fight over who would get to come and see you. Again.”

Her words would have once amused him. Now they filled him with shame. His wife—his mate—lay somewhere just outside that door. She’d carried him across courts, saving his life and Lucien felt like he dishonored her with this conversation. Unable to meet Nuan’s gaze, Lucien merely mumbled, “Ah, I see.”

“I’m glad it was me who came,” Nuan said with an easy wink, applying enough pressure to force a gasp of pain from between his lips. “I was never that impressed with you.”

There was no need to point out no male could impress Nuan—she preferred females. As to how they’d become friends, Lucien still couldn’t say, though he was grateful for it all the same. 

“How do you feel?”

“The same. Different,” Lucien said, sitting up once Nuan was satisfied with her work. “I don’t suppose you can…”

He gestured to the scars raked down his face. There was nothing he could do about the mechanical eye, but it seemed a greater insult to have both a ruined eye and the scars.

“If I’d been there right after it happened, yes. But now…? I’m sorry, Lucien. Truly.”

Lucien stared at his hands folded in his lap. “So am I.”

Though, he wasn’t. If it hadn’t been him, it would have been Elain. Still, his vanity won out. Lucien’s looks had always been his saving grace—he could always fall back on a charming smile and a quick wink if he needed to. Now…

“It’s not so bad,” Nuan murmured, perhaps guessing his misery. 

“Do you ever get used to the staring?” he asked, knowing people would be gawking at him everywhere he went, now. The High Fae were supposed to be beautiful—unblemished. 

“You stop caring after a while,” she said, holding his gaze. “It stops mattering.”

“How long did that take?”

“A decade,” she admitted ruefully. “I won’t pretend it’s easy or that it doesn’t get tiresome, but the alternative is, what? Death, in your case? And your wife was very clear about what would happen if you died.”

Lucien’s heart quickened. “Oh? Making threats, was she?”

“And then some,” Nuan said with an easy smile. “And when things settle…come to Dawn again. I’ll talk to Thesan—”

“No,” he interrupted, thinking of Jesminda. She was there, somewhere, starting over. Lucien didn’t want to be near her. Not now. Not while he was trying to untangle his feelings toward her and Elain. It was for the best to give her space—and himself, he supposed. 

“You’ll feel more at ease,” Nuan told him, though she didn’t press further. “I hope you enjoy the Day Court more than I do. It’s far too warm.”

“I like the heat,” Lucien said absently, picking at a stray thread on his sleeve. Nuan didn’t respond, slipping from the room so he could be alone with his thoughts. Where they’d once raced, however, now they faded into a jumbled hum of noise, keeping him company without drowning him in his misery. He only noticed Elain slipping in because of her scent, and though he didn’t dare look up at her, she sat beside him all the same.

“We didn’t bring anything worth packing,” she told him gently, fingers tumbling around each other in her lap. “We could leave.”

“I know,” he murmured, more anxious than he’d ever been in his life. “Elain, I ah…I’ve been thinking.”

“Oh, no,” she murmured, nose scrunched upward. 

“Hear me out,” Luicen said, gathering the courage to say the words he desperately didn’t want to. “I can go to Day alone. You don’t have to join me. I…you can tell them the truth. That I didn’t consummate our marriage, that you have tried to be a good wife while I’ve spurned you at every turn. I won’t dispute it. You’d be free to pick another male—someone you love.”

Lucien waited for Elain to say something and when she didn’t, he dared to glance at her. He found his mate staring at her hands, tears streaking silently down her cheeks. Were they happy? Misery clawed at him, demanding he fix this as Lucien forced himself to remain still.

“Why are you crying?”

“I…I suppose I thought…” Elain swallowed a gulp of air before rising to her feet. “If that's what you want.”

“It’s not.”

He hadn’t meant to say it. The words had escaped before he could contain them, slamming against them both with his confession. Elain looked over her shoulder and he saw that bright, sunny relief crest over her pretty face. Surely not. 

And yet hope bloomed in his chest all the same.

“Then we’re agreed. And we’ll go to Day together.”

Lucien wanted to rise to his feet and kiss her so badly it made his teeth ache. To hell with Day, he thought privately. There was a bed right here—he could consummate their marriage, at least. The only thing that stopped him was the thought that after years of treating her poorly, Elain deserved to meet the more charming version of him. The male other females had fallen in love with.

Jesminda’s Lucien.

It should have felt like a betrayal, and yet right then somehow it seemed like a gift. The male he’d given Jesminda was not the same male Elain had been talking to. That male was someone Lucien liked. Someone Elain might like, too.

He couldn’t help himself from standing, stretching his stiff legs before making his way toward her. Lucien wanted to kiss her and settled, instead, for pulling her into a gentle hug. 

“You saved my life,” he said, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. “I owe you my life.”

“You saved mine,” she protested, shaking her head back and forth before resting her cheek against his chest. Elain simply didn’t understand because while Lucien believed she felt the bond, she didn’t realize it was the bond. Protecting her was his sacred duty—to let her be harmed was a failure so egregious that Lucien didn’t dare contemplate it.

But what he’d done compared to her…it was nothing. She’d risked her entire life for his. If Beron had caught up to her, punishment would have been severe. Swift. He’d have died, and she likely would have to, though slowly and only when Beron tired of torturing her. Lucien would die in exile, now, away from his home and his family, if only to keep Elain safe.

She wanted to stay married.

He couldn’t help his smile. 

“There are some things you need to know about Day,” he told her, pulling regretfully from the hug. Elain took a healthy step backward, smoothing out her skirts to hide how pink her cheeks were.

“Tell me,” she said softly.

“You can’t wander like we did in Autumn. There are areas we’re not allowed to go—and the libraries are forbidden to us without a written request that is approved ahead of time. Helion doesn’t want us in the city, either. Not without an escort. We’ll need to be careful.”

“Why let us in at all?” she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Beron and Helion have history. Maybe he’s hoping I’ll divulge secrets,” Lucien said with a shrug. “He’s the only High Lord willing to house us for the moment. Even Tamlin…”

Kallias had told Lucien none of the Seasonal Courts were willing to risk Beron’s wrath. He commanded the largest ground force in Prythian as far as they knew, and bordered the other seasonal courts. He could sweep in and unseat their High Lord with little resistance before absorbing their borders within his own. 

Still, it stung. Lucien considered Tamlin his friend and Elain’s family lived there. He should have risked it—Lucien would have. Now he had a wife without a home that he was taking into uncertain circumstances. He didn’t have a home for her, though he intended to beg one off Helion. It didn’t have to be extravagant, it just needed to have four walls and a roof.

First, though, they had to get there and prove themselves trustworthy. Lucien intended to make himself of use to the High Lord even as he knew it would be considered an act of betrayal to his father. 

There was no way around it. Beron would demand them back so he could kill them. There was no point in remaining loyal—not while his father lived, at any rate. If Helion wouldn’t let them stay, he’d secure passage across the sea toward the continent. Lucien would figure it out.

He’d keep his mate safe.

ELAIN:

The heat his Elain before anything else. Blinking against the blinding sun, Elain gulped down the warmest air she’d ever experienced. She didn’t know the world could be this hot. Spring and Autumn were mild in comparison, but here? Oh. Elain raised her hand to shield her eyes as she drank in the sprawling marble palace set atop a winding hilltop. Tall spires seemed to reach like spindled fingers toward that same golden sun while little golden domes threw rainbows of light against the cobblestone streets below. Trawling vines slithered up the slide, reaching, too, for the loving arms of a sun it would never touch.

Elain felt strange. Settled somehow, though maybe it was just the relief to be somewhere without the constant threat of rain. Beside her, Lucien sighed, unaware he looked radiant in the golden light. Something about it offset his skin, making it seem richer somehow. He was glowing, even with his glum expression. Elain was practically bursting with excitement—she’d always wanted to see the world. This was her opportunity, even if Lucien saw this as a curse. Once he settled and got used to no longer being a prince, he’d see her vision.

They could live anywhere. If they got bored they could simply pack up and move on. 

They.

We.

Us.

Elain swallowed the realization that she was thinking about herself and Lucien as a singular entity. She just assumed they’d stay together. He’d said he wanted to, and she did too. Somewhere between dragging him up that mountain and him agreeing to leave, Elain had decided if she had to be married, she’d prefer it was to him. 

It was tempting to reach for his hand. Elain did when their escort arrived, lips parting as the male stared openly at Lucien’s face. Elain didn’t consider herself a violent creature but right then, she wished she’d asked Cadmus to teach her to fight. 

Lucien glanced between them, causing Elain to squeeze tighter. She knew what people saw when they looked at her—she was an empty shell, nothing more than a pretty face attached to an appealing body. Lucien wouldn’t be the first to suggest she ought to leave him, which made Elain feel all the more defensive. There was more to life than beauty—beauty was nothing at all, a mere accident of nature.

Besides, some of the most beautiful plants were deadly. Elain liked to imagine she, too, had thorns and could draw blood if someone was a little too careless. Elain glared daggers until the male glanced toward her, dark skin paling every so slightly at whatever he saw. 

Good. Avert your eyes. Lucien looked nearly the same as he always had, and certainly just as beautiful. Anyone attempting to deny it was merely kidding themselves. 

Elain and Lucien followed behind the male, hiking up a small incline toward the main entrance of the palace. Sweat slid down Elain’s temple before the cool air of the palace rushed from sheer curtains tied in front of the windows and doors.

“I told you not to come to Day.”

There, standing against the gold flecked marble, stood Eris Vanserra and Arina, the former looking annoyed while the latter looked delighted. Lucien exhaled, mirroring Eris’s irritation.

“What are you doing here?”

“Demanding you return,” Eris said, not looking as if he was demanding anything at all. 

Lucien frowned. “And if I refuse?”

“Then you’ll be disinherited and exiled. If you step foot within Autumn, you’ll be executed,” Eris replied, his words sounding as though a child were reciting a particularly boring passage from a book. “And father will marry Elain off to Cadmus.”

“He’s my favorite,” Elain chimed in as Arina grinned, mouthing me too as Eris scowled beside her. 

“Father sent you all this way to threaten me?” Lucien questioned.

“He thinks we’re in Winter,” Arina announced gleefully. “We got word yesterday Helion was going to allow you in and—”

“Just assumed you’re so brainless and stupid you’d take him up on the offer,” Eris interjected, his patience clearly wearing thin. “Come home. Let father lock you up for a couple days. Submit to the lash. Don’t…don’t do this.”

Elain’s outrage returned. “Why should he? Lucien didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Wrong has nothing to do with it,” Lucien surmised, eyeing his brother. “Beron told you to remain here and you disobeyed him.”

“You would have died.”

“And he would have gotten what he’s always wanted,” came another deeper voice. Elain caught sight of Eris rolling his eyes just as she turned, coming face to face with a truly beautiful male. Helion Spell-Cleaver seemed something out of a storybook—the handsome,  charming prince come to rescue the princess. Something about his features felt right, though familiar in a way she couldn’t quite place. The strong jaw, the full lips, the high cheekbones, all set against dark brown skin. His black hair fell in waves around his face, the tips brushing his bare shoulders while his golden were rimmed with kohl. 

“Lucien Vanserra,” Helion said, offering a ringed hand to Lucien. Eris looked like he might hack it off if Lucien took it, and she wondered what, exactly, Eris had against Helion. She bet Arina knew. “Come to visit at last.”

“I’ve been here before,” Lucien mumbled, taking the hand with little enthusiasm. 

“No greeting for the rest of us?” Eris interrupted as Arina elbowed past so Helion could wrap her into what seemed like a genuinely nice hug. 

“I allow you into my home, do I not?” Helion snapped, gold eyes flickering with irritation. “You have my—”

“That’s enough,” Arina hissed, pushing away from the High Lord. “We’ve come to beg a few days of your hospitality.”

“Apparently my palace is little more than a vagrant inn,” Helion said dismissively, turning to look at Elain. “Though you are more than welcome.”

“Ugh,” Eris muttered, nose wrinkled with distaste. 

“You, my dear Arina, can stay as long as you like. The rest of you have your restrictions,” Helion declared, eyes sweeping over the group. “Do not make me regret allowing you here.” “We won’t,” Elain said earnestly, wanting to make a good impression. 

Helion lingered for only a moment more, gaze drifting from Lucien to Eris. “I expect an update once you’re settled.”

Eris only offered a curt nod in response before grabbing Arina’s wrist and pulling her closer to him as though he expected her traipse off with Helion. And though Elain knew Arina had lived here her entire life, she didn’t quite belong. Even with her shimmering, golden brown skin and the hair that looked as though it had been poured by the sun itself, Arina didn’t have the same belonging Helion did—as if the Mother had known she was destined for Autumn and had left little traces in the wine red of her lips, the green of her eyes. 

“He’s so…” Eris trailed off as Arina turned fully to face him, her face appearing to seem interested, though Elain knew Arina was merely daring him to finish his sentence. 

There was no time to watch the inevitable argument. Another male appeared at Lucien’s elbow to show them to the room they’d been allowed, while Eris merely followed after Arina to a familiar place only they knew. Elain wished she could see people's memories—how had Eris managed to convince Arina to love him? 

The room she and Lucien had been given looked at though it ought to belong to a prince. Perhaps it did. Perhaps, she reasoned as she drank in the open, warm sitting room that overlooked a glittering cerulean sea, Helion wanted to honor the son of Autumn even if he was now living in exile. It was far larger than anything they’d had at Autumn, and Elain ruefully remembered how big she’d once found it.

Lucien, too, seemed flabbergasted. “I wonder what he wants from me.”

“You don’t owe him anything,” Elain murmured, uncertain if that was even true. Lucien certainly didn’t seem like he agreed as he moved past a long chaise to step into their bedroom. There was no fireplace—Elain assumed it wasn’t needed given how warm it was outside—leaving more space for cozy furniture and a bed so large they could have put four Lucien’s side by side comfortably with room for her as well. 

Elain was suddenly too warm, staring at the cream and gold bedding laid before her. Lucien shifted, his expression utterly unreadable. Was he wondering the same thing she was? They’d admitted they wanted to be married…and Elain understood what married couples did. She both wanted to find out if it was half as interesting as people said it was and was terrified to find out. 

Lucien swallowed beside her. “I ah…I wonder if they’ve thought to bring us clothes.” They had, which was a mercy given Elain’s clothing was still lined with wool and fox fur to keep her warm in Winter—it was intolerable in Day. She and Lucien hastily parted to change, though it did little to stem her overactive imagination.

She’d hated Lucien so long that she’d never given much thought to how you went about courting a man’s affection and attention. She hadn’t wanted it from him and now…now she thought it might be nice to know, at least. To make an informed decision about the male she’d married before she started pestering him to show her the world. And if she didn’t like it, well…perhaps they could work out some other arrangement.

Perhaps she could agree to give him access to her body in exchange for traveling, even. It seemed a little too transactional for Elain’s taste, who did want the kind of storybook love she’d grown up reading. She’d never wanted it with Lucien but…but maybe it didn’t hurt to try.

Just a little.

Just to know.

Parsing through the gowns, Elain found a white dress with gold chains for straps. It wasn’t entirely modest—her mother would have gasped if she saw how low the neckline scooped, revealing the tops of her breasts and the slope of her collarbones. And the straps that held the dress over her bare shoulder, also draped decoratively over her arms, creating a pretty effect. 

While she waited, she toyed with her hair, scooping it up before letting it fall, trying to figure out which one seemed the most seductive. 

Lucien came in, casual in a pair of trousers and a loose, white shirt that looked as though it belonged beneath one of his tunics. He hadn’t bothered lacing up the neck, likely because of the heat, but all Elain saw was the tease of muscle that made up his chest. 

He’d tied his hair off his face and never, in her whole life, had she wanted anyone as much as she wanted him right then. She didn’t even know how she wanted him. Only that she did. She needed Lucien to do all the work because somehow it was simply too embarrassing to admit how attracted she was to him. 

Lucien glanced at himself in the mirror, smile fading as he remembered what he looked like. She wished he wouldn’t do that—wished she could show him how he looked in her mind. With a sigh, he asked, “Do you mind if I stay in here for dinner, tonight?”

Yes, she wanted to scream! But Elain offered Lucien her sweetest smile, because she was trying to show him she wanted him, and said, “Only if you don’t mind if I stay with you.”

Lucien blinked. “Of course not.”

“Then it's settled.”

That, she decided, went better than expected. 

LUCIEN:

Something strange was happening with Elain, though Lucien couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Maybe it was merely her excitement at being in Day, though he couldn’t fathom why. Sitting across from her, Lucien felt entranced and wondered, absently, if she wasn’t a witch. It had to be magic, because he’d seen this woman a hundred times before. And yet he felt as if he hadn’t, because Lucien couldn’t drag his eyes off her. 

Elain had swept her hair over her exposed shoulder, revealing the long, slim column of her neck. Her soft eyes peered down at her cards, unaware that from his periphery, he was watching her breasts rise and fall with each new breath she took. Lucien wanted to haul her over his shoulder and thank her properly for what she’d done for him.

Wanted to pull that dress off her until it was ruined so no one but him would ever see it on her. It was a dangerous impulse and yet…she’d said she wanted to be married to him. Had she thought of what that entailed? He needed to ask and didn’t know how without sounding lecherous. 

Elain, when you said you wanted to be married to me, did you also consider what married couples do in their shared bed? 

Somehow, he doubted it would go over well with her. 

Would she notice if he began courting her? Night had fallen and Lucien was feeling a little bolder now that dinner had concluded and his brother hadn’t come banging down his door. Lucien wanted Eris to leave—nothing good would come of his brothers continued presence. The decision had been made and this was one thing Eris simply could not control. It was over, Lucien could not go back.

He would not go back. If he thought punishment would be reserved wholly for him he might have just so Elain had a stable place to live. Beron would assume Elain was a weakness and use her against Lucien and Lucien knew it would work. It was why, he assumed anyway, Eris rarely dared to defy their father. Bringing Arina to Day was a risk and Lucien wondered what Eris intended to do if they were caught. What lie he’d spin to keep his mate from harm.

“I’m going to lose,” Elain said, jutting out her bottom lip into a pout. Lucien’s entire body went hot and tight at the sight.

“That’s…” Lucien cleared his throat, unable to clear his mind of the image of his own teeth sinking into that plus lip. “Do you want to take a walk?”

Elain looked up and oh, he wished she wouldn’t. She was simply too pretty to be believed, made prettier by the fact that she was still here and looking at him with those eyes. How was he supposed to function? 

Had the Mother known his fate? Surely not, because why give someone like Elain to him, knowing his fate was to be…this? The thought was enough to temper his overheated blood before Elain could catch a whiff of his scent.

“Where would we walk?” she questioned.

“Ah…the courtyard?” he suggested, certain they hadn’t been banned from that area of the palace. Elain nodded, tossing her cards to the table. She’d been right about losing, unaware that she would have won simply because Lucien wasn’t able to pay attention. Still, no need to tell her that. Not when she was rising to her feet in that dress, glowing in the soft faelights shimmering overhead. 

Leaving the bedroom seemed like the worst idea he’d ever had, even if they weren’t even close to the bed. Elain had dragged a breakfast table away from the window and onto the balcony so they could play against the sounds of the ocean. Now, though, having stepped inside the sitting room, all Lucien could think about was the solid surfaces available to them, all of which were perfect for kissing, touching…and every other filthy impulse currently racing through him.

“This way,” he said, offering Elain his arm. They were courting in reverse—she was already his wife, and he’d secured her through no effort at all. Now he simply needed her to want him as badly as he wanted her.

Lucien swore he could feel her fingers through the thin material of his shirt. It had been the only suitable clothing—everything else was long tunics without pants and togas, none of which seemed quite right. He didn’t belong to Day Court, so why would he wear their clothing?

He’d need to speak to someone about it. Lucien didn’t want so much of himself on display, besides. He was feeling self-conscious about his form for the first time in his life and preferred to have everything covered, thank you very much.

“This place is big,” Elain whispered when they stepped into a darkened corridor. “Easy to get lost.”

“Agreed,” he murmured, not bothering to mention he’d only half heard her—he was too busy imagining what he could do behind a shadowed pillar. She continued talking and Lucien offered non-committal noises of agreement so she knew he was listening even though he wasn’t. His imagination was out of control, building on each new fantasy until Lucien was half mad with desire. What was he supposed to do with himself?

Stepping into the breezy night air was a relief, cooling him just enough to refocus on his wife. Elain seemed to know everything, somehow, as if the wind itself whispered its secrets to her. Lucien wanted to ask her how she seemed to know things she shouldn’t, but the moonlight spilled across her bare skin and Lucien found himself at a loss for the first time in his life. 

“Elain,” he managed, catching her by the wrist as she tried to step across the blue and white flagstones toward a bubbling fountain. He was going to die if he didn’t kiss her. 

Elain spun, eyes moon bright and Lucien…Lucien was an idiot. He wasn’t thinking straight, was so consumed by his gratitude and desire that he merely pulled her against him until their faces were inches from each other.

Sharing the same air, Elain whispered, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, running a thumb over her bottom lip. “Tell me to stop.”

He needed to hear her say it. The instinct writhing with pleasure in his stomach demanded he obey her—if she told him to throw himself off a cliff, Lucien thought he’d do so gladly. 

Elain lifted her chin, eyes blazing with defiance. She didn’t say a word, which was permission enough. Lucien lowered his mouth, heart hammering in his chest as he breathed in the warm, salty air mingled against the spring scent of jasmine and honey. Their lips touched briefly—just enough to ignite a blazing heat in his body so intense he thought he might combust. Magic welled in this throat and Lucien swallowed it so he could kiss Elain again—actually kiss her the way he wanted, to make her want him as badly as he wanted her. 

“Am I interrupting?” Helion Spell-Cleaver asked from the shadows, illuminating the darkness like the sun personified. Elain skittered back, pulling out of his grasp and Lucien wondered just how much trouble he’d be in if he murdered a High Lord.

“No,” Elain breathed, the liar. Helion seemed to know it, too, given the amused smile on his face. “Are we…should we not be here?”

“You’re welcome here,” Helion replied with a graciousness that grated on Lucien’s nerves. You could see I was busy!  

“I often come out here to contemplate my existence,” Helion continued, coming closer still. His skin glowed a soft gold while his eyes cut through the darkness, banishing the shadows completely. “My magic, too.”

“Fascinating,” Lucien bit out, hating how Helion offered him a toothy smile, turning fully to look at Lucien.

“I feel it strongly in this place,” Helion continued, not looking at Elain at all. “Do you?”

“Nope,” Lucien lied before snapping his fingers so Helion could see the weak flame he commanded. “Just came to see more of the palace.”

Helion cocked his head. “Is that all your High Lord gave you?”

Lucien blinked. “I’m only the seventh son.”

“As you say,” Helion replied, turning to look away. They’d been dismissed. Lucien reached out his hand for Elain before the two scurried away, Elain looking over her shoulder as they went. 

“Something about him feels painfully familiar,” she whispered. “I can’t put my finger on it.”

“You probably saw him swanning around some meeting,” Lucien grumbled. The moment had been destroyed and Lucien didn’t know how to get it back. Trying to kiss her while they got ready for bed, and then were in bed felt too far. It was supposed to be a kiss somewhere clothed, somewhere he could make suggestions for other things that involved fewer items of clothing later. 

Helion had wrecked everything, he thought once he was settled in bed. Elain hadn’t immediately rolled away like she usually did, though the distance between them felt pointed. Careful. Lucien wanted to think only of her.

And yet…he kept coming back to that burning in his throat, and the magic that shouldn’t have been there.

I’m only the seventh son.

What if he was more?

[reigningqueenofwords]

Almost

Pairing: past Dean x Reader, past Reader x Mitchell (OC) Word count: 1,872

Read on AO3

Final part of It’s Not Mine

“Shhh!” You giggled, putting your hand over Dean’s mouth. He had come over with Chinese food, whiskey, wine, rum, and juice. You’d lost count of how many drinks you’d had. The pair of you were giggly, the movie you’d put on forgotten. “We don’t want to wake up my dad or Danny!” You told him. 

Dean was clearly smiling behind your hand, his amusement clear in his eyes. He said something , but it was muffled. 

“What?” You asked, moving your hand. 

He chuckled. “I said it’s like we’re kids again.” 

You shook your head. “I don’t recall you making us mixed drinks as kids.” You teased. “Back then it was Capri Suns.” 

He relaxed more onto the back of the couch, thinking back to those sleepovers. “Remember that tent you had? It was pink, I think? Barbie?” He looked towards you. “And it came with two Barbie sleeping bags?” 

You snorted. “I completely forgot about that!” You admitted. “You didn’t want to sleep in a ‘girls sleeping bag’.” 

“And then you started to cry and I caved. You were, what, 6?” 

“I think so.” You had a small smile on your face, thinking back to life before it got complicated.

“I always hated seeing you cry.” He said softly with a sigh. He watched you chew on your lip, knowing exactly what was on your mind. “I hated myself that day. Still do, honestly.” He downed the last of his whiskey, and debated getting more.

You turned to look at him. “You shouldn’t hate yourself.” You told him softly. 

He sighed. “But, I do.” He shrugged a shoulder. There was nothing he could do to change that. That self-hatred dug itself in deep, and attached itself to his soul.

Shifting so you were facing him more, you lean your elbow on the back of the couch, your head against your hand. “The past is the past. We can’t change it. All we can do is do better every day.” Finishing your drink, you went to get up to get a refill, but Dean stopped you. 

One moment, you were going to stand, the next you were against his chest. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and you could feel his heart beating against your back. His arm moved around your waist, holding you like you would disappear. You felt him rest his forehead against your shoulder. The only noise that could be heard was the movie that neither other you had been paying attention to. 

You licked your lips, your mind going a mile a minute. What did you say in a moment like this? What did you do ? You hadn’t been this close to him since prom night, and all your alarm bells were going off. The last thing you needed was a repeat of…everything. “I can hear you thinking.” Dean said, moving his head to look up at you. 

Looking over your shoulder, you nodded. “Hard not to.” You said softly. 

His eyes went to your lips for a moment, the hand that wasn’t on your stomach moving to cup your jaw. You let yourself shift to lean down. Just as your lips were about to touch his, a group of excited New Year’s party goers cheered. That jerked out of whatever buzzed brain fog you had going on. Pulling away, you quickly rushed to the kitchen. You couldn’t help but tear up as you poured yourself a drink, downed it, and poured another. 

Nearly kissing Dean was not how you had expected your night to go. You thought you’d go, have a couple drinks, come home and go to bed. Hearing footsteps, you knew it was Dean. “Do you want me to head home?” He asked, honestly hoping you said ‘no’. He felt something when he was holding you again, and wanted that feeling back. 

“I don’t know.” You sniffed. 

“Want to talk about it?” Granted, he was probably the last person she would want to talk to him about anything. “Even if you just want to vent. I don’t have to talk. I can just listen.” He rambled, making you chuckle lightly. 

Letting out a breath, you turned to lean against the counter. “What’re we doing, Dean?” You asked. 

“Standing in your kitchen talking?” He blinked.

“Not what I meant.” You shook your head. “Us. Tonight.” You motioned between the pair of you. “We ne-” You were cut off by someone knocking on the door. “What the hell?” 

Dean turned and made his way to the door. It was too late for people to just be knocking on the door. Opening it, his face went to neutral, to angry. “What the fuck do you want? The restraining order not a big sign she wants nothing to do with your sorry ass?” He spat at Mitchell. 

You had set your drink down and followed Dean. Your hand was on his back, brows furrowed. “You need to leave. I’m calling the cops.” You went to grab your purse to grab your phone out of it, but saw him pull out a gun and aim it at Dean. Without thinking, you shoved Dean to the side as Mitchell pulled the trigger. It was a no brainer to you.

“Y/N!” Dean yelled, rushing to you. 

Everything happened so fast. Your father was rushing down stairs at the noise as Dean tackled Mitchell, worried for everyone’s safety. Danny was crying at the top of the stairs, frozen in place as he watched. “Go in your room, Danny.” Your dad told him, not wanting him to see all this. 

You were holding your arm, feeling like it was on fire. Thankfully it went through your arm, and not into your chest. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. One of your neighbors must have called the cops because you could hear sirens getting louder. You leaned against your father, watching Dean struggle with Mitchell when the gun went off again. “Dean!” You sobbed, worried you’d lose him before things were better between the two of you. Even if he was just there as your best friend.

“Sonovabitch!” He groaned, rolling off of Mitchell, grabbing his thigh.

After the cops and ambulances arrived, things moved quickly. Both you and Dean were taken to the hospital, and Mitchell was arrested. You had a feeling that he’d be going away for a long time. Or, you hoped that he did. Not only for violating the restraining order, but for shooting you AND Dean. That had to count for something. Your father stayed behind with Danny, and the cops took your statements before you were driven away. 

You were lucky, as the bullet missed your bone. It went through your bicep muscle. It would take time to heal, but you had a feeling Dean’s was worse. As soon as you were discharged, you went to find Dean. It took nearly 10 minutes, but finally a nurse helped you. “Oh, Dean.” You breathed when you saw him. 

“Hey, beautiful.” He had a silly grin on his face, making you chuckle. “How’s your arm?” 

You glanced to the sling, and then back to him. “It doesn’t hurt as much anymore. The pain killers helped, but it sounds like the ones you got are even better.” You teased as you sat on the side of his bed. “How’s your leg?” 

“That shit hurt!” He shook his head. “Getting shot is no damn joke.” 

“It would be a lot worse right now if I didn’t push you out of the way.” The tears started again. “He would have gotten your chest. Who knows if I’d ever get to yell at you again.” You joked, trying to hide how scared you’d been. 

His face softened as he put his hand on your leg. “If it meant keeping you safe, I’d do it.”  

“Let’s hope he goes away for a long time and that we never have to worry about that.” You covered his hand with yours. “Danny and I need his daddy around for a long time.” Giving his hand a small squeeze, you sniffed. “He’s too pretty to leave us.” You smiled at him. 

“Damn straight.” He laughed. “How about you call my dad and have him pick you up? Get some rest. Assure Danny we’re okay. And that dad might not be running around for while.” While he enjoyed having you there, Danny was more important. 

Leaning forward, you kissed him softly. “I’ll bring Danny to see you in a day or two.” You promised.

Mitchell got a year for violating the restraining order, and 25 years for the actual shooting. You crossed your fingers that he didn’t get out early for good behavior. Your arm healed fairly quickly, but Dean’s leg took time. In that time, the pair of you got closer. He was a fixture in your home every day, something that Danny loved.

You didn’t know when it happened, but you’d let all your walls fall down for Dean. One day you looked at him and didn’t feel any anger, sadness, or fear. Then he looked at you and winked. You melted inside, in the best way. 

Danny was 8 when Dean got on one knee, asking you to marry him. You’d been together about 7 months, but it felt like forever. He’d barely gotten part of his words out when you blurted out ‘yes’. There was no way that wouldn’t be your answer. 

That led you to today. Danny was 10, you’d been a Winchester for just over a year, and you’d just welcomed your little girl. You looked over to where Dean was cuddling her and smiled. “It’s crazy. I’d been in love with you for ages before prom, but I never in a million years would have thought I’d get lucky enough to marry you. AND have two of your kids.” You smiled. 

Dean was looking at the small bundle with nothing but love. “I never saw myself the marrying type, or the dad type.” He chuckled, looking at you. “Guess I could only see it with you.” Thankfully the day you’d told him you were pregnant again was a much different reaction than the first time. He’d cried. 

“Danny is already all about his daddy, and she will be, too.” You chuckled. “We should probably name her, though.” You pointed out. “Visiting hours are soon, and everyone will be coming to meet her. They’ll want to know her name.” The issue wasn’t that there were no names the pair of you loved. The issue was there were too many! 

Nodding, he got up to hand her to you when she started to fuss. “Alright, how about you say the first 5 that come to mind, I’ll write them in my notes app. I’ll do the same. You can veto two of mine, I can veto two of yours.” He pulled out his phone. “That’ll leave 6. We can let everyone vote. Top vote is her first name, second is her middle.” At least that would be less stressful overall. 

Grinning, you looked at your daughter latched. “Your daddy is so smart.” You gushed. “Alright, so…” You started to list your names, looking forward to the rest of your life with Dean.

Tag list- @s0urw00lf @bruhidkjustwannaread

[seramilla]

( @seramilla here’s some more angst! How Emily and Lute meet up again after Lute falls.)

Emily doesn’t recognize her the first few times after all that CAN’T be Lute. Lute doesn’t have black hair, mangled wings, horns, a bird arm, and a tail. Heck she even knows Lute is missing an arm! This is just a look-alike…yeah! That’s it… just a look alike. This sinner could in no way be Lute. They seem so despondent and a depressed, that’s NOTHING like the Lute she remembers. She catches the sinner staring at her with a look a regret then they disappear for a while.

The next time she sees the sinner they are missing their right eye and it looks self inflicted. Emily can’t help but feel bad for them. She starts trying to approach them after that wanting to help get them off the streets. It’s only after she finds the sinner unconscious by a dumpster, battered bloodied and beaten, that she gets close enough to realize it IS Lute. Lute who is in a poor condition. She looks half starved, feels feverish, and oh god i—is that pus oozing from her missing right eye?!

So Emily can only do what she knows best and scoops her up and carries her back home to help her. Hopefully she won’t get too much grief for this. She’s not exactly thrilled about this either…it is Lute after all. Right?

👀👀👀

[osamufication]

enigma

pairing: dazai x reader

warnings: none, just soft fluff♡

wc: 520

a/n: i wrote this when i was sad lol

Dazai is, to most, an enigma. 

His true feelings and motivations stay locked in a safe, so much so that even he forgets who he really is at times. Those who tried breaking open the safe were laughably unsuccessful. There have been those he tricked into thinking they really knew him, only to be left alone in the dark. 

But you didn’t try, you didn’t judge, you trusted him. An unwavering trust Dazai had only ever felt from one other person in his life. It took time, and patience, but eventually Dazai simply handed you the key. He allowed you to finally look inside that infinitely brilliant and broken mind of his. 

You place your mug of tea on the ring-stained coffee table before taking a seat amongst the cushions on the couch. You pull out your phone, deciding to indulge in a while of mindless scrolling. You rhythmically swipe and and sip your tea, late afternoon sunbeams lighting up the room. 

A while passes, the sun almost entirely disappearing over the horizon, when the front door clicks open. You smile softly as Dazai wanders in, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat. He greets you with a tired grin, “I’ve missed you today darling.”

You scoot up to give him room to sit beside you, “Looks like you had a rough day, wanna talk about it?” 

He shakes his head, “Not particularly, no.” He glances down at you, a playful glint in his eyes, “But I know what I do want.”

Before you can ask, Dazai unceremoniously flops down on top of you, making you screech. You want to scold him for scaring you, but his gleeful laughter stops you. He buries his face against your neck, leaving a soft kiss against your skin. You weave your fingers through his hair and tug softly, fingertips softly rubbing into his scalp. He lets out a long, slow breath, his body fully relaxing against yours. 

“You’re far too good for me.” He mumbles.

“Don’t talk like that, Osamu.” you flick his ear softly.

He gasps loudly, “I never thought my dear beloved would resort to physical abuse! I take it back, you're terrible.”

You chuckle and roll your eyes, “Says the one who pinned me down and tickled me for five minutes until I nearly peed myself.”

Dazai starts laughing again, almost obnoxiously loud. In fact, you’re almost sure if anyone else heard him they would think he is obnoxious. But to you, his laughter, his smile, his jokes, and even his dramatics are worth the world. You’ll never understand why he chose you, why he handed you the precious key, but you’ll always be grateful that he did.

“Hey Osamu?”

To most, Osamu Dazai is an enigma. The man is notoriously hard to read, one can never know what he’s thinking.

“What is it darling?”

Even so, one look into his tired brown eyes and you know; you can hear his thoughts loud and clear.

“I love you.”

But you can’t deny, it feels indescribably wonderful when you get to hear him say it.

“I love you more.”

[andriiorrr]

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙡𝙮 𝙆𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨 .

JORDAN LI X READER .

⤑ warnings ; fluff,angst,makeout session,slight suggestive,no use of y/n,reader & jordan being stubborn af,friends to lovers,reader has a lip & nail biting problem cs on anxiety,underage drinking,mention of drugs (yk Gen v shi)

❞ Summary ; in which, you and Jordan are good really close friends, but is that really what y’all are? or in better words is that what y’all really wanna both be? just friends?

YOU and Jordan have a…complex, complicated friendship, it is a series of barbed wire and thorns. you are either the closest of friends, or enemies that kiss when you're too drunk to care—neither of you ever truly defining what you are in your day-to-day life out loud.

so why is it when they’re kissing another girl in the club hurt so much? why the fuck should you care. As you sit next to cate & marie you don’t know where luke & andre are with the drugs but at this point you don’t care, you can’t help but gulp down the rest of your drink, and cate can’t help but look at you. “hey, you okay babes? You look like you’re about to flip this whole club upside down” she softly murmurs. you look up and tilt you head at cate and sigh “yeah I’m fine, I think I’m gonna call it a night my head hurts and I feel like if I stay in this club any longer I’m gonna explode.” You left out a half ass chuckle at the end and marie gets up and wanders off to who knows where.

“noo, stay a little longer?” cate says with a slight frown on her face. You can’t help but sigh “I will, but only if you get me another drink.” cate stands up “you’re wish is my command” cate says as she dramatically bows and going to the bar to get you another drink and you let out a light giggle as she walks away.

you doze off, as you bite your nails anxiously, you don’t know how much you can take seeing jordan shove their tongue down that girls throat. You’re so out of focus you don’t even notice cate handing you the drink until she snaps her fingers in your face, you look up at her and murmur “thank you” as you take the drink from her hand. you take a sip from the drink then place it infront of you, with your head resting on the palm of your hand, you trace the top of the cup and for a second you look up making eye contact with jordan.

jordan looked at you with those same eyes that made you melt. but now they had another girl on their lap who was clearly enjoying the attention you've always wanted from them. the more they looked your way, the more you felt your blood boil. they could sense that something was wrong with you, but they are so drunk that they had no idea what it was.

You can’t help but bite your lip, anxiously and you turn your head to cate. “Look cate, I’d love to stay here but I think I should just go home okay? Tell the others I went home early okay?” Cate looked at you and saw that something was wrong with you, “yeah uhm? Do you need a ride or something?” you shake your head no, “I’ll call an Uber” you softly murmur and get up grabbing all your stuff, you gulped down your 4th or somewhat 6th drink of the night? Honestly you didn’t care. You call an Uber and patiently wait outside till it pulls up, you hop in. What you didn’t know was a pair of eyes that followed your figure as you walked out the club.

you lean your head against the car window, looking at the city lights & sigh as you fidget with the necklace jordan gave you for your birthday, gosh if only they knew. Tears brimmed in your eyes as you sniffled, tonight sucked. Jordan watched silently from one of the club windows. they saw you disappear into the night and felt a tugging sensation in their gut. the more drunk they got, the more they thought about how badly they wanted to hold you in their arms. they whispered to the girl on their lap that they needed to go to the bathroom, then made their way out of the packed club, their mind fixated on you.

it was morning time, you wake up from your bed rubbing eyes and stretch as you sit up leaning against your headboard, maybe you shouldn’t have drank so much. this hangover is so shitty, all you wanna do is curl up into a ball and cry. Suddenly, a knock echoed through your room maybe it was your roommate, "just a second!” You slightly yell, and unlock the door opening it to see jordan. Your facial expression turns blank, “what do you want?” you say your arms crossed over each other and you lean your head against your door

Jordan leaned against the door frame with a nervous grin, obviously hungover just like you. their hair was tousled, and their eyes were bloodshot from a night of partying, “Well, good morning to you too,” they say with a playful nervous tone. "Can I come in?” you sigh, nodding opening the door a little wider for jordan to come in. you close the door and lock it, “someone had fun last night” you murmur and sit down on your bed. Jordan chuckled softly as they entered the room, plopping down onto your bed next to you. “Someone's feisty this morning,” they teased, gently nudging your shoulder with theirs. Their eyes swept over your face, noticing the tension in your expression. "You still upset about last night?"

you were slightly taken aback “you knew? And continued to make out with that girl right in front of my face?” you looked at jordan in disbelief. Jordan let out a sigh, their gaze drifting away from you. "I was drunk, alright? I wasn’t thinking straight last night." They ran a hand through their messy hair, their body feeling heavier than usual. "I didn't think you'd care, honestly."

You let out of scoff, “you know what jordan fuck you. Gosh I’m so fucking stupid for liking an idiot like you.”Jordan's eyes widened slightly at your words. The room fell silent for a moment, save for the sound of your heavy breathing. Jordan stared at you with a mix of surprise and shame, taking in what you had just said.

“Wait… what the hell?” Jordan managed, their voice soft. “You… like me?” Fuck— you slipped up but honestly you were just so fed up, at this point what matters anymore. “Yes jordan! You think i would go out here just fucking you just to fuck! Yeah we were both drunk that night but it meant something to me! I should’ve knew it was a bad idea considering you only fuck and don’t do relationships, but you know what fuck this shit. I’m done I’m so fucking done, you’re so stuck up you know that? Maybe I should’ve thought twice that night” You pace around your room and bite you nails anxiously.

Jordan sat in stunned silence, watching you pace the room and unload all your pent up emotions. Their eyes never left your figure, their heart sinking from the weight of your words.

"Look... I’m..." Jordan’s voice trailed off, not knowing what to say. A mix of guilt and regret washed over their face as they realized the consequences of their actions. They hated seeing you so hurt, but they also hated the fact that you had feelings for them in the first place. “Forget about it” you say, as the room falls silent. “Maybe you should just leave jordan” you murmur not looking at jordan. “I have to get ready for class and the last thing I want Is being late to class cause of you.”

Jordan opened their mouth to say something again, but after a few seconds of silence, they decided against it. They stood up slowly, taking one last glance at you before turning towards the door."Yeah... I should probably go," Jordan mumbled, their heart sinking into their stomach. As they took a step forward, they couldn’t help but turn around one last time.

"Hey... uh" Your front is turned away, as your back faces them “what” you murmur biting your lip anxiously and squeeze your eyes shut. Jordan steps closer, until they’re right behind you. They hesitate for a moment, their hand raising as if they want to reach out and touch you, but they think otherwise and let it fall back down to their side.

"I'm sorry..." they whisper, their voice tinged with remorse. "I never meant to hurt you like this." you sigh, “just go jordan.”Jordan stands there for a moment longer, their eyes glued to your back. They want to say something more, but the words get stuck in their throat. With a deep breath, they turn around and slowly walk to the door.

"I'll see you around," Jordan murmurs, their voice barely audible. They open the door and step outside, closing it slowly behind them.

as they left you couldn’t help the tears that brimmed in the corner of your eyes, you have class you need to go. you wipe your eyes with the back of your hand and get ready for the day. You walked to class and sit down in next to cate. “You see Jordan on the other side of class but choose to ignore their stare, cate looks at you worriedly “you okay? You left so sudden last night” she whispered softly. You force a smile and nod your head at Cate's question, not wanting her to see how upset you truly were.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you say, trying to keep your voice steady. "Just needed to get home early, that's all." Your eyes flicker towards where Jordan is sitting, but you quickly look away before they can meet your gaze. You listen to the teacher attentively, and write your notes down, Throughout the entire class, you could feel Jordan's eyes on you. Every now and then, you would steal a glance at them, only to find them already looking your way. However, each time you caught them in the act, they would quickly look away, pretending not to have been staring in the first place.

During one particularly boring section of the lecture, Jordan leaned over to Andre and whispered something, their eyes darting back in your direction.

suddenly you’re attention takes off them by cate. “hey, do u wanna go get vought a burger after class?” Cate whispered and you softly nodded smiling. “yeah I’m pretty fuckin’ hungry” you softly giggle, 15 minutes later the bell ringed and class was over, Jordan and Andre go on their business not that you really care. as you and cate go get vought a burger. You both order and cate suddenly asks “what’s up with you and Jordan? And don’t lie something’s up with you two, they we’re staring at you all class babes”

You take a bite of your burger and try to play it cool, but you can't hide the truth from Cate. She knows you too well.

"It's nothing, really," you say, avoiding eye contact. "We just had a bit of a disagreement, that's all."

Cate gives you a skeptical look, not buying your excuse. "Come on, you can't fool me. What happened between you two?"

you suddenly go quiet and sigh, maybe you should tell cate.

You take another bite of your burger, contemplating whether or not to share the truth with Cate. On one hand, you feel like you need to get it off your chest, but on the other hand, you're scared of how she might react.

Finally, you decide to take the plunge.

"Alright, I'll tell you, but promise me you'll keep it to yourself," you say, looking at cate anxiously.

Cate listens intently as you recount the events of the previous night, leaving out no details. You tell her about how Jordan got drunk at the club and started making out with another girl while being right in front of you. You also tell her about how you and Jordan had hooked up before as well as you finally snapped and confessed your feelings to them this morning.

When you finish, you wait for Cate's reaction, feeling vulnerable and exposed. You bite your lip anxiously and clear your throat.

Cate takes a moment to process everything you've just shared, her expression unreadable at first. Finally, she speaks up, her voice softer than usual.

"Damn, I had no idea all that was going on between you two," she says, shaking her head. "Jordan's such a dumbass, you know that right? How could they do that knowing how you feel?"

You sigh, “yeah but it’s whatever, I should get back to my dorm. Thank you cate” you softly smile “I appreciate it.” You reach in for a hug. Cate hugs you tightly, her arms wrapped around you in a comforting embrace. "Anytime, you know I've always got your back," she says, pulling back to look at you.

"Take care of yourself, yeah? You deserve better than that." You softly smile and walk to your dorm. Your heart skips a beat when you see Jordan in their female form sitting in front of your dorm room. They stand up as you approach, their expression unreadable.

"Hey," Jordan says softly, their voice raspy. "Can we talk?"

“We did and that went nowhere, so what’s the problem now” you murmur opening your door and standing in the middle of your door way and purse your lips, you let out a sigh “5 minutes Jordan.” You say sternly and set your bag down on your bed as they walk in.

Jordan nods silently and walks into your dorm, shutting the door behind them. They stand awkwardly in the middle of the room, their hands fidgeting nervously.

“Look,” they begin, their gaze lowered. “I know I messed up last night. I got too drunk and I acted like a idiot.”

They look up at you, their eyes sincere. “But I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear.”

Jordan sighs and runs a hand through their messy hair, their gaze fixed on the floor.

"Hey..." they begin, their voice soft. "I know this is going to sound cliche, but... I really do care about you."

They pause for a moment, gathering their thoughts.

"I care about you more than I've cared about anyone in a long time," they continue, their eyes finally lifting to meet yours. "And I know I messed up last night. I was drunk and stupid, and I hurt you."

Jordan's gaze never wavers as they continue to speak.

"I've been so stuck in my own head for so long, trying to avoid the idea of being in a relationship," they say, shaking their head. "But when I'm with you... I just feel different. Like... like I don't want to be anywhere else but with you."

They step closer to you, their eyes locked on yours.

"I know I've been an idiot, and I don't deserve you, but... I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone."

your breathing gets caught in your throat, “you’re not fucking with me right?” Your voice cracks and you back up. “Please tell me your not fucking with me right now”

Jordan's expression softens as they see the uncertainty in your eyes. They take a step forward, closing in the distance between you two.

"No, I'm not fucking with you," they say softly. "I mean every word."

They reach out and gently cup your face in their hands, their eyes locked on yours.

"I love you," they whisper again, their voice filled with emotion. "And I'm telling the truth."

“I love you too” you sniffle, your head hazy and fuzzy, Jordan fucking Li, liked you back? Gosh someone slap you.

Jordan's eyes widen at your words, their heart swelling in their chest. They can't believe what they're hearing.

"You... you love me too?" they say, their voice shaky. "Even after everything I've put you through?"

They pull you closer, their arms wrapping around your waist.

“I’d never stop loving you, no matter how I try.” You murmur and Jordan’s eyes softened so much as you cup your face and lean in to kiss you. Gosh their lips were so soft you could melt into them.

Jordan's lips move against yours, their kiss gentle yet filled with unspoken emotions. They cradle your face in their hands, their fingers tracing your cheek.

"I don't deserve you," they murmur against your lips. "But I'm never letting you go again.”

“Don’t ever.” You lean in to kiss jordan again, falling back on the bed as they straddle your hips without breaking the kiss, their hand slips into your shirt as they kiss down your neck. “you know ever since that night we hooked up I’ve been craving you, can I taste you?” They softly whisper kissing your ear.

“please..” was all you could say as they leaned in to kiss you again.

safe to say, you had fun & Jordan was finally yours with those sweet butterfly kisses.

[unformula1]

kids? (LS2 x OP81)

oscar’s grown up, logan just isn’t ready. w/c: 573 day 43 of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium (series masterlist) masterlista/n: sorry for disappearing but im back everyone!

“No. No, I can’t take this anymore!” Logan steps back, holding his hands out, keeping Oscar at a distance.

“What? Tell me what I did wrong?” Oscar says, his voice cracking slightly.

“You lied…” Logan softly responds, “You lied to me about everything.”

Logan grits his teeth.

“Logan please… there’s nothing that can come between us… remember?” Oscar’s voice is soft, as if he’s comforting someone.

Logan shakes his head violently, he hates this.

Oscar’s bringing up their old conversations, he’s holding Logan to it. The good old days, right?

Logan hates them now, they stand as a haunting reminder to him, about how much they’ve drifted.

“You can’t keep this up anymore Oscar.” Logan shakes his head more, looking at his floor.

Oscar sighs and takes a deep breath, “Loges-”

“You’re lying about everything Oscar.” Logan cries.

“I’m not!” Oscar interjects, his voice raising a little.

“I’m not some kid anymore Oscar-” Logan says with tears brimming in his eyes, “I know your lies when I see them.”

“Logan I really don’t get it-” Oscar tries his best to reason, “Is this about Lando? Or someone else? Please we can talk about it.”

They could. Or it could burn in flames.

Logan doesn’t know what to do, he’s at a loss and he’s all alone. There’s no one, but Oscar, and he doesn’t know if he can trust him.

“You know who it’s about.”

Oscar hesitates to respond.

“We’re still the same, with or without Lando.”

“Are you sure?”  Logan answers almost instantly, taking the tension to another level.

“Are you sure Oscar? Are you sure we’re still ‘forever’? Still those close best friends who were only for each other? Still ‘promise to be together forever’?” Logan knew what game he was playing, he knew the cards he was using.

Oscar eyes almost flicker a shade of fury as Logan brings up their promises and everything they used to say.

“Don’t… even-” Oscar struggles.

“Why not? Is the regret finally piling up? The guilt finally getting there?” Logan feels his rage and pain taking over his mind, he’s not thinking properly.

Logan instantly feels bad, he wants to retract his words. He turns around and a tear sheds.

He feels the glare of Oscar shooting through his back.

They used to be able to resolve arguments within minutes, and now here they were, not even sure what they were arguing about.

“We’re still the same kids we were- we still can be the kids we were.” Oscar says, in between sniffs.

“Shut up. Shut up.” Logan whispers repeatedly.

“We haven’t changed one bit Logan, please…” It was a plea. It was a beg.

“No. No. You’ve changed so much, Oscar.” Logan turns around and looks Oscar in the eyes, his vision growing blurry.

He sobs.

“You’ve forgotten about me. You only remember me when you need me.”

“I-” Oscar can’t deny it.

It’s the truth. The cold hard truth.

Oscar sighs.

“You aren’t that same kid I made friends with.” Logan shoots.

Logan takes a deep breath, calming his nerves.

“You’ve changed so muc-”

“I’ve grown.” Oscar interrupts, his voice suddenly dropping.

“Yea… yea you have.” Logan says, with tears in his eyes, “Too fast…”

Oscar’s eyes widens, he didn’t like this. Logan was dropping bombshell after bombshell, each one hitting harder. 

He messed up.

He knows he has.

He doesn’t know if he can fix it anymore.

They aren’t kids anymore.

[quack-quack-snacks]

Elephants In Love

Pairing(s): Inexperienced!reader x Inexperienced!Arisu Summary: This is basically a rewrite of Season two episode six, the elephant scene, except with the reader and smut. They’re both virgins and awkward as shit but they like each otherrrrrr Warnings: Fluffy fluff fluff, fingering, sex kinda in water (Don’t do that it’s kinda dangerous), unprotected sex (Def don’t do that, wrap it before you tap it), super soft fluffy sex. Word Count: 3,513

“Oh. My. God.”

You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. 

“Arisu!” You called out to the boy. He was a ways away from you, checking out a puddle on the ground. He dipped his hand in but then flinched back. He faced you with wide eyes, realizing the same thing as you. “It’s a hot spring!” You exclaimed excitedly. “The water’s perfect over here! It’s hot but not burning, you know?”

He smiled at you sincerely, watching as you clenched your fists to resist the urge to jump up and down in joy. Although the smell of sulfur in the air made his nose twitch, he held back any complaints to not ruin your moment. “Really? Then let’s get in!” He prompted, running toward you and taking off the flannel over his undershirt. “When’s the last time we took a bath? We can’t pass this up!”

“You want to bathe together?” You questioned, looking away in embarrassment at the thought. 

“Huh? Oh,” he said quietly, realizing his words. 

“It’s okay,” you reassured him. “How about I go over there,” you pointed to the part of the spring behind a rock. “And you can stay here?”

He nodded in agreement, a light hint of pink dusting his cheeks, covered just enough by the lack of light that you couldn’t see his visible embarrassment. 

Walking over to the rock, you took a glance back at Arisu but quickly looked away when you saw him taking off his shirt. You scolded yourself for having feelings for him, but it was just so easy. He was so easy to fall for, with his beautiful face, high cheekbones, and kissable lips. He was kind too; always sacrificing himself to help you and others. It was rare to see him so happy, so excited; it was beautiful and you cherished each moment he shared his happiness with you. 

You took off your clothes, setting them down on a piece of broken rubble near you for when you got out. Stepping into the water, you went slowly to adjust to the hot temperature until you finally settled down. You let yourself float on the water, soaking in the feeling of a bath after going so long without one and letting your head go under the water for a few moments before returning to the surface and smoothing your hand over your face to get rid of the water that collected there. 

You heard Arisu let out a pleased sigh. “I could die right now and I’d be happy.”

“Don’t go dying on me just yet, we still gotta get home so I can be your friend in the real world,” you demanded, half joking and half serious. 

He was silent for a moment before he replied. “Yeah, I’d like to be your… friend, too.”

You were about to reply when the strangest thing in front of you appeared. You let out a small sound of surprise. Arisu started calling your name, worry in his tone, but you just were unable to form any words. He appeared from behind the rubble and his eyes landed on the same thing that captured your attention. “That’s not possible,” he breathed out softly, stepping more towards you. “They can’t be real, can they?”

In front of you were two large elephants, their feet three feet deep in the water. You were absolutely mesmerized, so much so that you didn’t even realize how close he was to you and how naked your body was under the crystal-clear water. 

“They’re taking a bath too,” he said with a childlike wonder that was so precious. 

“I’m pretty sure there was an animal exhibit relatively close to here. Maybe they escaped there after everyone disappeared,” you theorized.

“If we hadn’t been brought here, we’d have never seen this,” he spoke again. The thought was both heartwarming and heartbreaking. You never wanted to be in the borderlands, you were just thrown in without any explanation. But if you never made it in, you would have never met Arisu. You would have never seen the elephants in front of you; never met the friends you made through the games. 

A sad smile made its way onto your face as you watched one of the elephants stick its trunk into the water. “Yeah,” you whispered.

“You know what’s kind of crazy?” He asked rhetorically. “I’m feeling emotional, and I’m not entirely sure why.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling the exact same way. “Yeah, I feel it too.”

After a moment, you turned your head to look at Arisu only to find him already looking at you. The two of you stared at each other for a long moment, just basking in each other’s presence and the calm atmosphere. Your eyes began to travel down his face to his chest. Water droplets collected on his skin as he stood tall. The lower part of his body was covered by the water and the thought brought you out of your haze. You turned around quickly, pressing your hands to your cheeks to calm the heat collecting there at the expense of your embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry!” Arisu apologized from behind you. You could practically see the awkward position he was probably in at that moment. “I didn't see anything! Just elephants! I’m only looking at them,” he reassured. “I love elephants.”

At the end of his rant of an apology, you turned back around to face him. “Arisu,” you called. He stopped in his tracks as he was walking back to his designated bathing spot. “It’s okay,” you said shyly. “I- I didn’t mind,” you confessed, cursing yourself for the lack of confidence you had in the words. They were true, you genuinely didn’t mind, but it sounded so hesitant when it came out of your mouth. “You can stay.”

He turned around slowly, looking at you for confirmation which you nodded at. He then lowered himself into the water until it met his broad shoulders. You had a small smile on your face as you watched him. He was just so beautiful you couldn’t believe it. Even if nothing came out of this, you would be happy just to stay by his side as a friend. 

Arisu slowly walked up to you until barely two feet were separating the two of you. Your eyes locked and it was like the world stopped at that moment, just allowing the two of you time to look at each other without any interruptions.

That is until one of the elephants collected some water in its trunk and sprayed it over its head and back. The two of you looked over in awe, a breathy laugh leaving your lips as you unconsciously let your fingers skim against his. You didn’t even realize it until Arisu let out a soft gasp and looked down at your hands. You looked down as well but didn’t raise your gaze to meet his, too nervous to see what his expression would be. Instead, when you realized he didn’t pull away, you softly, with a barely-there touch, pressed your fingertips against his. Your lips formed a soft smile when he took the next step and interlocked your fingers. 

Finally looking up, his eyes, soft and adoring, stared back into yours. His smile mirrored your own: gentle, hesitant, hopeful. It was when his eyes drifted away from yours to look at your lips that you finally saw the signs in front of you. 

He liked you too. 

You’d had the thought of him returning your feelings fluttering through your mind on occasion, but you always pushed it away, thinking he was just being friendly. You should have just listened to Usagi, she always knew he liked you and encouraged you to confess your feelings. She was right, as usual.

You lifted your right hand to place it on his cheek, lightly brushing your thumb along the scar on his cheek. It was one he’d gotten during the whole fiasco during the Ten of Hearts game back at The Beach. You don’t like the memory that accompanies the wounded tissue on his face, but you always thought it was beautiful. 

He leaned his cheek more into your hold, letting out a deep sigh and briefly closing his eyes. When he opened them, he lifted his free hand hesitantly before placing his palm on the side of your neck, pulling you toward him ever so slightly. He gave you every opportunity to pull away but you didn’t want to. You just wanted him to close the distance between the two of you and kiss you. He stopped again when he was less than an inch away from your face, your lips brushing with each breath. Deciding to take it into your own hands despite your nerves, you pushed forward and pressed your lips against his in a soft kiss. It wasn’t a very long kiss but it felt like forever before you slowly disconnected yourselves. He didn’t let you stray far as he rested his forehead against yours with his eyes closed. 

He let out a quiet laugh. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months,” he confessed. 

You grinned, leaning back in to give him a short kiss and giggling when he tried to chase your lips as you pulled away. “Me too,” you admitted in a low voice. 

He gently disconnected your interlocked hands and you started to pull away, thinking the moment was over until he wrapped his - now free - hand around your waist. In a frantic and panicked attempt to stop you from pulling away, he pulled you toward him with a little too much force and your bare chest crashed against his. The hand that held his cheek fell to his shoulder while your other instinctively placed your palm just below his collarbone. His eyes were wide as he gazed into your surprised ones, his body stiff as a log when your breasts pressed against him under the water. The both of you stayed still, trying to figure out what to do in the unfamiliar territory. It wasn’t until you inched the hand on his shoulder to the back of his neck that you felt him relax, your own body relaxing as a result. 

You pulled him back in to connect your lips again, both of you feeling more confident with the situation. He gently started to lead you backwards until you met a large slab of slanted concrete that was halfway in the water. It was tilted just enough to make it so that you were still being caressed by the soft ripples of the water but you weren’t fully submerged as Arisu carefully lowered you onto it with a hand protecting your head. He pulled away from the kiss, looking to make sure each thing he did was wanted. 

It was.

You let a finger trace over his neck, smiling proudly when you felt the high speed of his pulse and the subtle shiver that ran down his spine. He watched you with such awe as your fingers skimmed up to his jaw, then his cheek, then his lips. You traced his bottom lip with your thumb, caressing the dimples caused by the smile he was shining down on you. Pulling him down, the two of you kissed again, though this time it seemed more heated; more passionate. His mouth found its way down your neck, leaving soft pecks against your skin until he reached just past your collarbone. He leaned back to look at you as if just realizing your position. 

With the placement of your body on the rock, the whole of your torso was out of the water and put on display for Arisu’s eyes to roam freely. He blushed when his gaze settled onto your breasts, still dripping from the water of the spring and with your nipples slowly becoming pebbled from the growing excitement in your core, but he wasn’t able to tear his eyes away. 

“Are you just going to look at me all day or are you going to do something?” You asked him. Your tone was teasing but he caught the slight vulnerability laced beneath the words. He noticed the way your fingers twitched as if wanting to reach up and cover yourself from his judgemental - or at least, in your mind - eyes. 

“You never told me you had a body built by the Gods,” he said genuinely, hesitantly tracing a hand down from your neck to your breast, going slowly in case you changed your mind. Your body continuously tensed up and relaxed in excitement as he skimmed his fingers over your right breast. You let out a soft whimper and saw his eyes dilate, lust filling them. He got more confident and wrapped his hand around your breast, squeezing gently. 

“Arisu,” you moaned out softly as you grabbed the hand not fondling your breast, and moved it down your body towards your core. “Please-.”

He watched in awe as you led his hand under the water to where your cunt was slightly distorted from the water but wet for other reasons. 

You moaned out and dropped your head back on the rock as his fingers swiped through your folds, bumping your clit each time he went up. 

“I’ve never done this before.”

Your head snapped back up to look at him as he nervously looked into your eyes. You could see the fear of judgment and insecurity in his gaze; you could also see the confusion when you smiled at him. 

“Me neither,” you whispered, bringing your free hand up to caress his cheek. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your lips before leaving a trail of kisses down your neck. 

“Do you want to?” He asked, being extra careful about making sure you wanted this.

“Arisu,” you deadpanned, but he quickly cut you off. 

“Ryōhei. Call me Ryōhei, please. If I’m going to be making love to you then I want you to call me Ryōhei,” he pleaded and you had no choice but to concede. 

“Okay, well, Ryōhei,” you started again and he let out a little moan of approval into your neck that made you blush. “We wouldn’t have gotten to this point if I didn’t want it,” you reassured and he raised his head to look at you. “I want you, I have since the day we met.”

He smiled at you before resting his head back into the crook of your neck. “Okay, then. Are you ready?” He asked as he lined his fingers up to the entrance of your core. 

You nodded and he gently latched his teeth onto your neck, making you gasp before he slowly entered his middle finger into your wet, warm cunt. The feeling was similar to what it felt like when you played with yourself but so much better. Ryōhei’s fingers were longer and hit places you could never find. He may have been inexperienced but he was obviously naturally skilled at it. 

He started to slowly pull it out before pushing it back in, rougher than gentle but not too rough. Your moans and whimpers encouraged him to continue and he did. He brought his thumb down to try and find your clit, finding it after a few seconds of effort. He was glad he at least knew a bit about the female body and how to properly please them (he partially had porn to thank for that). The choked moan you let out the moment he pressed his thumb to your bundle of nerves made him grin cockily into your neck. 

“That’s it,” he whispered against your skin and you breathed shakily. When he slowly pushed his ring finger into you alongside his middle finger, your legs, which had been wrapped around his waist for the majority of your activity, squeezed around him as your moans slowly got louder and your breathing picked up. You weren’t sure how he was able to make you reach the edge so quickly but you didn’t really care either. “I’ve got you, just let go,” he reassured you, pressing kisses along your neck and shoulder. It was the needed push for you to reach your high. He kept pumping, riding you through everything and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. 

Once you reached the end of your orgasm, Ryōhei slowly pulled his fingers out of your pussy and brought it over to massage your thigh as you breathed heavily. When you opened your eyes, you saw him looking at you with the most awestruck and lovesick look in his eyes, it built your confidence but also made you overly shy. You forced yourself to not look away from his intense gaze, staring straight back at him with a look that had Ryōhei grow harder than he already was. 

“Do you want to keep going?” He asked you, having brought both hands down to your thighs to massage them and love on them. Your heart clenched at his sweetness and you knew this was the boy you wanted to marry someday. 

“Please,” you answered in response with a nod. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a loving kiss. He smiled into the kiss and slowly started to readjust you so you were higher on the rock, your - still dripping - core now on full display for him to see. 

When he pulled away, he immediately lowered his gaze over your body and eventually to the pussy he would be inside in a few minutes. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?” He asked rhetorically before letting his right hand leave your left thigh to grab his erection and drag the head through your fold, circling your clit with it every time he passed over it. “Are you ready? I’ll be gentle, I promise,” he reassured. You looked down at where he was still dragging his penis over your cunt and realized just how big he was. 

And you meant it when you said it was big. 

Despite your nervousness about his size, you nodded and pulled him down so this time you were hiding your face in his neck. “I’m ready.”

As soon as you said that, he slowly began to enter his dick in you, going so slowly as to not hurt you. You whimpered at the stretch, the pain mixing with the slightest bit of pleasure. When his hips pushed flush against the backs of your thighs and ass, he stayed still, reaching a hand down to rub at your clit to help you adjust to the pain. It worked. The pain morphed into a dull ache and the pleasure started to take over. “Please,” you whined and squirmed just the tiniest bit against him. He got the message and slowly pulled out until only the tip remained, only to push it right back in again. He was so deep, you swore he hit your cervix. The pleasurable pain of the feeling made your head fall back and your legs squeeze around Ryōhei’s waist. He kept one of his hands to press against your hip and keep you in place while the other rubbed tight circles on your clit. 

It was such an intense feeling that you couldn’t believe it was actually happening. You were losing your virginity, but most importantly, making love to Arisu Ryōhei, the boy you’d been falling in love with since the day you met him in this dreadful world. You wished the moment would never end, but you knew it had to.

Especially since you could feel your orgasm coming up on you very quickly. 

Almost like the two of you were in sync or he was reading your mind, Ryōhei said, “I won’t be able to last much longer. Fuck, you’re so tight,” he moaned out. 

“Me too,” you whined, bringing him down to your level again so you could messily slam your lips against his. The kiss was little more than the two of you breathing heavily into each other’s mouths until you could feel the warm feeling of Ryōhei’s cum painting the inside of your walls. Him cumming triggered your own orgasm and the two of you moaned into your interlocked lips. 

He continued to thrust the two of you through your highs until he slowed to a stop and gathered you in his arms for a cuddle session. You laughed under your breath and wrapped your arms around his as well to return his affection. 

“I’m in love with you,” he confessed into your ear from where his head was resting against your temple. His lips traced against the shell of your ear as he spoke and it made a pleasurable shiver run down your spine. You smiled at his confession of love and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“I am so in love with you, Ryōhei.”

You were quietly grateful for those elephants because they ended up being the whole reason you and Ryōhei found your way to each other, this time as lovers instead of friends.