#I know I'm a day behind but I spent the whole of Tuesday on the air

[justagalwhowrites]

Undone

After a stressful week at the office, Joel knows just how to take care of his wife. AKA Joel Miller doms the stress out of you.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: No Outbreak AU. Established relationship, husband and wife. Dom!Joel x Sub!Reader (light). Tiny little age gap (like 5 years? I'm picturing Joel at 44 and reader at 39?) Unprotected P in V sex. Oral sex, F receiving. Creampie. Overstimulation. Aftercare.

Length: 5.4k

A/N: This is totally self indulgent. It's also like... entirely smut. Sorry. But not really. OK love you bye!

Joel knew what you were after the minute you kicked the door closed. 

It was Friday and it had been a hell of a week for you. Joel had done his best to support you through it - he’d finished up one big job on Tuesday and didn’t start the next one until Monday - so he’d taken the lead on keeping the household running while you put in extra hours and came home frustrated and exhausted every night. 

He knew it wasn’t going to magically be better just because it was Friday, so he’d spent the day trying to make the end to your work week as good as he could. He went to the HEB and got your favorite snacks, picked out flowers for the kitchen table, even went by the liquor store on the way home to get everything you’d need to unwind at the end of your day. He started smoking ribs early that afternoon and was outside to sauce them when he heard the door slam behind you. 

Joel didn’t need to see what happened, he knew from the sound that you’d thrown the door open and then kicked it shut behind you. He’d bet the check from his next job that you’d be face down on the couch, your shoes and briefcase a little trail from the front door to the living room. He shook his head, taking a swig of Shiner before closing the smoker and heading inside to find his wife. 

You were exactly where he thought you’d be, taking up almost the entire length of the couch, flat on your stomach, blazer still on but your heels and bags scattered between you and the front door. 

“Aw baby,” he said sympathetically. “That great a day, hm?” 

You made a sound that was caught somewhere between a grunt and a groan. 

“Want to talk about it?” 

You made the sound again and Joel tried not to laugh at it. 

“Here,” he said, coming and adjusting your legs so he could sit beside you on the couch. You groaned as he did but he guided you from lying on your stomach to sitting up to leaning on him, your face in his chest. He put his arm around you and gave you a squeeze. “Tell me what melted down.” 

“We have our quarterly earnings release going out in less than two weeks,” you sighed. “And it’s a shit show. Legal’s been reviewing that shit for what feels like an eternity and I need to issue the goddamn release announcing the date of the full release but I can’t do that until I actually know that legal and financial are going to have stuff sorted in time and the CEO has emailed me twice a day about it the whole week because sure, the legal team definitely falls under my department…” 

Joel held the still mostly full bottle of beer in front of you and you took it from him, your fingers brushing his and you were quiet for a moment as you took a sip before handing it back. 

“Also, HR is going to be the death of me,” you continued, on a tear now. “I swear, it shouldn’t be that hard to find a qualified entry level candidate but here we are, still short staffed 10 weeks after I got the OK to hire. They’ve sent me two resumes, Joel. Two. I called them today to ask how many they’d received and they’ve had 226 candidates apply and they’ve sent me fucking two! I refuse to believe that just one percent of applicants were remotely qualified so I asked them to forward me all the applications since, apparently, recruiting can’t do their damn jobs so I’m going to have to do it for them…” 

Joel nodded along, handing you the beer periodically when he felt you getting too worked up. He found himself, not for the first time, awed by what you did for a living. He didn’t understand much of it, really, and he was thankful he didn’t need to. He wasn’t cut out for that kind of shit. You, on the other hand, had jumped in with both feet when you’d started at your company seven years ago when the two of you had just started dating, You’d risen up the ranks quickly and you now had a team of several dozen people reporting up to you. As gentle and sweet as Joel knew you to be at your core, he knew you were also unflinchingly driven at work. During the COVID shut down, he’d gotten a glimpse of it, listening to you take people - mostly men who seemed to think you weren’t as capable as you clearly were - to task and get things done. He was eternally grateful that, when the two of you fought, you didn’t take him down the way you did people who crossed you in the office. Though that stood in sharp contrast to how Joel heard you talk to the people who reported up to you, with you seemingly always happy to lend an ear or provide guidance or take the heat if they fucked something up that was going outside your department. 

Unfortunately, that meant you had weeks like this one, where plenty went wrong and you had no one to pass the buck to. And he knew as well as you did that you wouldn’t just let something fall apart, not if there was a damn thing you could do about it. Even if that meant working yourself into the ground. 

After a while you just deflated against him and he handed you the beer again. You took a long drink, emptying the bottle, and Joel took it from you to set on the side table. 

“Feelin’ better?” He asked, his nose brushing your hair. 

“Kind of,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. 

“Somethin’ more I can do?” He asked, trying to make sure that he wasn’t nudging you in the direction he was hoping this would go. 

“Yeah,” you said, something shifting in your tone when you said it. No longer frustrated and fed up, instead needy and wanting. You sat up from him and looked at him through your eyelashes, practically pouting. “Turn my brain off for a bit?” 

Joel’s heart picked up, heat and tension already gathering low in him. 

“Aw, my baby need me to fuck her stupid?” He asked, reaching out to cup your face in his hand. His thumb traced along the arch of your cheekbone as his eyes locked on your blown pupils. “You need me to make that big brain of yours slow down for a while, that it?” 

“Yes please,” you breathed. He could feel your skin getting warmer below his touch. 

“Please what?” 

“Please sir,” you said, holding your hands up with your wrists together, like an offering. “Please fuck me stupid. Please sir.” 

He quirked his jaw before he smiled, dark and low.

“Good girl,” he growled. He got up and closed his large hands around your wrists before pulling you sharply to your feet, looking you up and down as he did. There was something that drove him wild, seeing you like this. Dressed in your armor of the business world, a place where lesser men had to go to you for permission to do a goddamn thing, and you came home to him, begging him to strip you down to something small and vulnerable and easily consumed. 

He wasn’t sure why you’d picked him of all people. When you’d met almost eight years earlier, his first thought was that you were way out of his fucking league. A friend of Tommy’s then girlfriend now wife, you were a few years younger than him but had clearly kept your life on the right fucking track the whole time instead of driving it into the ground for a while first. You’d gone to college, built a damn impressive career, had goals and dreams and plans for yourself. You were beautiful and smart and funny and kind and the first time he’d taken your clothes off he was still not entirely sure why you were letting him do it. 

He’d been even more surprised the first time you’d shared with him that you wanted him to take control in the way he was now. 

“I just have to make decisions all the time,” you’d said, folded into a corner of his couch with a glass of wine in your hands. “I just really want to have someone else take over for a while, you know? Not have to make any plans or take care of anybody else, just enjoy and be enjoyed.” 

That, Joel had thought, he could give you. 

It wasn’t something the two of you always indulged in but there were days like this one where you seemed to crave it. Maybe even a step beyond that - you needed it. You needed the safety of Joel’s guidance, the comfort of his control, the ease of his pleasure. He liked to give you those things. More than liked it, sometimes he lived for it. 

Today was one of those days. 

He led you to the bedroom and stood you at the foot of the bed, your wrists still firmly in his hands as his eyes searched yours. 

“You just want to be my little doll, is that it?” He asked, his thumbs brushing the inside of your wrists. Your pulse was heavy and hard. “Want me to take control so all you have to do is feel what I let you feel?” 

“Yes,” you breathed. 

“Yes what.” 

“Yes sir,” you were practically squirming. 

“What are your colors,” he said more than asked. 

“Green, yellow, red,” you answered quickly. 

“Where are you now?” 

“Green.” 

“Good girl,” he guided your hands so they hung at your sides. “Don’t move until I tell you.” 

He watched you resist the urge to nod and he slipped his hands below the lapels of your jacket, running his hands over your skin for a moment before shoving the sleeves down your arms and leaving the blazer in a pile on the floor. He watched you swallow, your throat working and he tried not to think about making you kneel and taking his cock into that pretty throat of yours. He knew just how good it would feel while you sucked him, how fucking good it would feel to come down your throat. 

Maybe later. Right now, he needed to take care of you. And that’s exactly what he was going to do. 

*** 

When Joel touched you like this, it was like something unspooled inside yourself. There had been a knot in your stomach for days at least - maybe longer - and nothing had worked to untangle it. Not crossing things off your to do list at the office, not the yoga class you’d skipped lunch to take, not the iced latte your assistant had ducked out to grab you that afternoon. But Joel’s hands on your skin as they slipped the slender straps of your satin top down your arms were better than anything else, especially when your mind wasn’t going a mile a minute thinking of ways to please him in return. You watched as he moved to undress you, his eyes heavy and hot and hungry as your top pooled around your hips. He reached around your body to unhook your bra, casting it aside before cupping your breasts in his large palms, groaning as he did. 

“You feel so good,” his thumbs brushed your nipples. “My soft, pretty fuckin’ girl.” 

“Joel,” you whimpered, clenching your hands into fists to keep from reaching out to touch him. He’d told you to stay still and you had to obey. If you didn’t, you knew he’d drag out your first orgasm for what felt like an eternity, bringing you just to the edge of it but never letting you fall into your climax until you were a desperate, dripping, squirming mess. 

“What, baby?” He almost cooed at you, just a hint of a teasing edge to his tone. “What’s my baby need?” 

“More,” you whined. “I need more, please, I need…” 

He took his hands off you then and looked you in the eye and you almost reached for him before you caught yourself. 

“Who decides what you need right now,” he said. You moaned and he ignored you. “Who. Tell me, pretty girl.” 

“You,” you said. 

“That’s right,” he nodded. “And I’ll give you more when I decide you need more and I decide I’m done enjoyin’ the parts of you I’m enjoyin’ right now. So. You stand still like a good little doll and we’ll see when I’ll let you have more. Got it?” 

“Yes,” you said. 

He took your chin in his fingers, forcing you to look him in the eye. 

“Yes what.” 

“Yes sir.” 

His crooked smile dimpled his cheek. 

“Good girl.” 

He returned to touching you, running his large and callused hands over your shoulders to your chest, holding and massaging your breasts and you could tell he was taking his time less for himself and more because he knew what it was doing to you. That it was making you achy and desperate and the thoughts that had been weighing on you all day at the office were slipping out of your mind, drifting far away into the ether. 

“Think I remember you sayin’ something about more?” Joel said, his voice low and gravelly as his hand slipped over your stomach, below the bunched fabric of your shirt, below the waistband of your pants until his fingertips were brushing your bare mound inside your panties. You whimpered. “How about I give you some more, hm?” 

His index finger reached out and brushed the top of your clit, sending a shiver through you, all the heat you had inside yourself pooling low in your stomach. 

Joel chuckled. 

“Think she likes it.” 

He pressed a little lower, a little firmer, working your sensitive nub in slow, languid circles. 

“She like this too?” 

You nodded frantically. 

“Thought I told you not to move,” Joel said, stern. 

“But…” 

“No buts,” he cut you off. “You wanted to give me control so you give me control. Otherwise, you won’t get what you want. Got it?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“You’re lucky,” he said as he went to open your pants. “Got me all worked up, too. Too worked up to draw this out the way you deserve, squirmin’ the way you are.” 

He got on his knees in front of you and gathered the fabric of your shirt, pants and underwear in his hands and pulled them all down in one go, the sudden exposure of your skin to the air making you gasp and goosebumps scatter over you in sharp little pin pricks. 

“Fuck, there you are,” he groaned, his hands coming to grip the thick swell of your ass, his fingers digging into the meat of you as he pressed a kiss to your stomach just below your belly button. You moaned, wanting nothing more than to tangle your fingers in his curls. You clenched your fists tighter, nails digging into your palms, acutely aware of where he was touching you because of the absence of him everywhere else. 

He trailed his mouth down to your slit, his tongue dipping into you there, brushing against your clit, the heat of his mouth in sharp contrast to the cold air against your wetness. His hands slipped up your back, finding your waist before Joel stood, his still clothed body so close to your naked one. 

“Lie down for me,” he said, a little breathless. “Middle of the bed.” 

You rushed to obey and watched hungrily as Joel undressed himself, his black t-shirt coming up and over his head, his jeans opening to reveal his tight boxer briefs with his thick, hard cock straining the fabric. He took off everything before crawling up the bed over you and, for half a moment, you thought he really was going to give into you that quickly, give you exactly what you wanted that fast. But instead of settling between your thighs with his heavy length brushing against your slit and his mouth on yours, he fell to the side of you, the weight of him jostling the mattress. You turned your head to look at him, confused, and he laughed, dark and low. 

“You didn’t think you were gonna make me give in that fast, did you?” He asked. He slid one arm below your ribs, his hand coming up and around the back of you to hold your breast while his other hand teased a feather light path down from your throat, over your chest, your stomach to your slit. “No, not done with this yet.” 

“But…” 

“You just lie still and let me worship you,” he said, his palm cupping your mound, his middle finger settling between your lower lips as he put gentle pressure against your clit. The tip of his finger circled your dripping entrance but didn’t slip inside where you were aching and desperate for him. “Want to enjoy you for a while.” 

He didn’t give you a chance to protest, his mouth finding just the right spot on your throat at the same moment he added pressure to your clit, grinding his hand against your most tender place and making your back arch below his touch. 

Joel kissed and licked and sucked along your neck, your collarbone, your breast, his cock brushing against your thigh as he manipulated your body and you could feel his precome on your skin when it did and you were desperate to touch him there, to feel just how hard you’d made him, make him start to unravel the way he was doing to you. 

“Don’t even think about it,” he said, a finger sliding inside of you, making you groan. 

“But I want…” 

He pulled back from you to look in your eyes and you could tell from the glassy look on his face that you probably already looked like a fucked out mess. 

“You tryin’ to make me feel good or you want it for yourself?” He asked, brows raised. You tried to find the words but couldn’t. He nodded. “S’what I thought, you sit still like I fuckin’ told you. You try to touch me and I won’t let you come, got it? This is about you, not me so you’re gonna lay there and take it, understand?” 

“Yes sir,” you whimpered. 

He went back to working you over, adjusting so that he could fully kiss down your body until his head was between your thighs, two fingers buried inside of you as he looked up your body to your face. 

“New rules,” he said, pressing his lips to your clit for a moment and sucking it into his mouth before continuing. “Want you to come and I want you to come hard. You’re allowed to touch my head to put me where you need but you do anything else with those hands and we’re startin’ over. Understood?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Good girl.” 

He practically dove into your pussy, his thumb working your clit, his tongue licking deep into your channel. The fire in your belly burned brighter and it was like you could feel all the blood in your body pulling into the center of you. Your hands flew to his head, the thick of his hair and the heat of his scalp almost sharp against your fingers after having felt nothing but your own palms for what felt like forever. You rocked your hips against his face as he ate at you, a finger slipping into you alongside his tongue, working the inside of you deftly so that you were never empty but never lacking the friction of him moving in you. His fingertip curled into the soft, sensitive place inside of you that he found so easily now, adding the perfect amount of pressure as his thumb and nose worked your clit and you felt your pussy get so tight and hot you worried, for half a second, that it would hurt him before every worry flew out of your head entirely, your entire body flooded with waves of pleasure as you came on his tongue. 

Joel worked you through your orgasm, never letting up as you moaned and panted, your grip on his hair easing as your body started to go limp. Your pussy was so sensitive when your climax eased but Joel didn’t pay your little whimpers any mind. He pulled his mouth from you but added another finger, fucking into you with his hand and adjusting so his palm was grinding against your clit as he did. 

“There you go,” he panted, wiping your slick from his mouth before taking his cock in his hand and working himself with it. “That what you needed, pretty girl?” 

“Yes sir,” you whimpered. 

“Good,” he said, his eyes ranging over you, dark and hot. “Because now it’s my turn.” 

He pulled his fingers from you and spread your thighs a little wider, lining his cock up with your still weakly grasping hole for half a moment before thrusting deep into you in one devastating go. You gasped at the stretch of him filling you like that, the inside of you still soft and tender from your orgasm. Your fingers scrambled at the blanket below you, your back arched and taut and you tried to hold onto something - anything - in your head beside how he was splitting you open. 

“I say you could use your hands like that?” He asked, his fingers finding your wrists and clamping around them. He pressed deep inside you and folded over you, bringing your hands with him, pressing your wrists down into the mattress over your head. “Didn’t think so. You’re my little doll right now, ain’t you? Mine to do what I want with and I want you to take it.” 

“Joel,” you whimpered. 

“That ain’t my name right now, is it?” 

“Sir,” you corrected, resisting the urge to rock your hips up against him. “Please!” 

“Please what?” 

You couldn’t put words to what you wanted to ask for and Joel just smirked before releasing your wrists and sitting up, looking down over your body to where he disappeared inside of it. 

“What I thought,” he said, his hands pressing your thighs wide before his thumb trailed over where you were split open on him to your clit, teasing you in a slow circle that made you jerk involuntarily below him. He took it away, his hand on the soft flesh of your thigh again. “You leave those hands there and take it. You can take it, pretty girl. Know you can.” 

With that, he pulled back, slow and aching, before fucking back into you, hard and fast with a forceful grunt. You watched him fuck you, his cock slamming into you with enough force that it jerked your body up and down the bed. You were lost in it, the way you could see his muscles flex, the way his eyes ranged over you - watching the place he was spreading you open and the way your tits bounced for him and up to your face to meet your eyes and back again. It was almost hypnotic, like there was nothing else in the world that existed outside of him. He was controlling you totally, fucking into you with enough force that you couldn’t even breathe out of sync with his thrusts, your body just something he could manipulate and pleasure and use however he saw fit. 

You weren’t sure how long he fucked you like that before his hands ran over your thighs to your core, his thumbs brushing along your clit, pressing into you there and working you in hard little circles as your channel started to tighten around him again. 

“There we go,” he panted. “Got another one right there don’t you? You’re gonna give it to me, aren’t you pretty girl. Gonna give me everything, ain’t you?”

“Yes sir,” you whined, your fingernails digging into your palms as you fought to keep your hands still. 

“Good girl,” he pressed himself deep as he worked your clit and returned to his same punishing rhythm, the head of him finding the place inside you he’d claimed for himself. He left one thumb on your clit, his other hand stretching up and over your stomach, fingers splaying wide on you until it was in the middle of your chest where you knew he could feel how your heart was pounding behind your ribs. The feel of him everywhere was overwhelming, the tight spool of pleasure that had never fully relaxed after your first orgasm already wound unbearably tight again. 

“Want you to come for me,” he said, voice needy. “Want you to be a good girl and come. Give it all to me, baby, want you to just let go and give it all to me, let it all go, c’mon and come for me, make me fuckin’ feel it…” 

You cried out as you obeyed, your channel fluttering over his cock as he kept fucking you deep and hard. You could feel your orgasm in the very center of you, in every muscle and every nerve, your climax taking hold of you so firmly that you felt a gush of liquid rush out of you. 

“Fuck, there you go,” he said, not letting up. “Fuck baby, love when you squirt for me, such a good fuckin’ girl…” 

The wet snap of his hips into you was obscene and, as your orgasm eased, your body was already drawing tight again. Your heart raced and you could feel everything, everything, so sharp and harsh and overwhelming. Your head swam, your skin prickled. 

“Love feeling you come for me,” Joel was still fucking into you, hard and bruising like he was trying to climb inside your skin and claim a place for himself there. “Love when you get all tight and desperate, love making you all needy…” 

You let out a fucked out little whimper, tears pricking at your eyes, not able to see straight through the haze of your already building orgasm. Joel leaned over you, his cock buried deep but going still. 

“You with me, pretty girl?” He asked, his hands sliding up your arms to find your wrists, holding you gently in place. You couldn’t seem to find the words to answer, too overstimulated to think of anything beyond how he was filling you and surrounding you. “Gimme a color, baby.” 

“Yellow,” you managed. 

 He took your limp wrists in his large palms and guided your hands to his skin, resting them on his broad shoulders. 

“That help?” He asked. “You can nod.” 

You nodded quickly, your breathing evening out, body still tight and strung out. 

“Color?” 

“Green,” you said, the tears that were in your eyes slipping down your cheeks but not being replaced by new ones. 

“Good,” he shifted inside you, pulling back a little before thrusting in again. “Because I ain’t done with you yet. You keep those hands right where I put ‘em and just focus on coming one more time for me, need you to milk me dry, baby.” 

But his pace eased, less frantic and more desperate, working you slow and firm from within. He buried his face into your neck, his mouth finding that place that sent shocks of pleasure through your whole body. His hands ranged over you, fingers hungry and grasping at your skin, his hips working against your clit as his cock found its home deep within you. 

“Know you’re close,” he said against your skin, lips still close enough to brush against you as he spoke. He kissed along your neck, nose teasing along your throat. “You got one more in you, baby, I know you do.” 

“Sir,” you whimpered, pleading, not sure if you wanted to come or wanted to just dissolve. 

“You can come,” he fucked you slow and deep. His public bone pressed against your clit and your back arched. “Want you to come, want to feel you come. Make me feel you, baby. Be a good girl and make me feel you.” 

You dared to let yourself move, just enough that you could rock your hips up against him, working yourself with his body as you felt him grow impossibly thicker and harder inside you. Or, maybe, you were just tightening further around him, body clinging to him in one last desperate push for closeness as your climax hit again. You cried out with it and you couldn’t just leave your hands on Joel’s shoulders, instead latching onto his hair and sliding down his back, pulling him flush against your body so the only thing left in the world was him and his skin and the thick of his cock as he started to pulse inside of you. 

Your orgasm almost hurt it was so intense. You could feel every inch of Joel’s cock in you, the heat and softness of his skin against you, every muscle in your body going rigid and tense for a moment before relaxing. Your vision went spotty and you got light headed and you lost track of time. 

The next thing you knew, you were in Joel’s arms, cradled against his chest, his fingers trailing a gentle path along the edge of your hairline and jaw, thumb brushing the plush of your lips. 

“There you are,” he said softly and pressed a kiss to your forehead, his large hand coming to rest against your cheek as you turned your head to look at him. His eyes were soft and warm and there was a gentle smile on his face. “How are you feelin’ love?” 

You took stock of your body for a moment, everything feeling light and airy. 

“I’m good,” you smiled a little. 

“Yeah?” He said, his thumb brushing your cheek. “Take a deep breath for me, OK?” 

You nodded a little and did as you were told, only realizing then just how little your lungs had been inflating before. 

“How’s that feelin’?” He asked. “Good?” 

You just nodded, still smiling. 

“How about this for the night,” he said, going back to tracing an easy trail over your skin with his fingertips. “In a few minutes, I get up and get you water and a cocktail while you put on that pretty little swimsuit of yours. You float in the water while I look at ya and finish those ribs in the smoker…” 

“You’re making me ribs?” You almost pouted, your brows going up. 

Joel chuckled. 

“Yeah, that OK?” 

“That’s my favorite,” you said, feeling like you might be about to cry. 

“I know it is, baby,” he said, kissing your temple again. “S’why I made ‘em. Got that potato salad you like, green beans, cornbread too. Even got that chocolate cake you like so much…” 

“The Oreo one?” You sniffed, tearing up. 

“The Oreo one,” he brushed your hair back. “You still with me there baby?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, crying a little. You weren’t entirely sure why, just every emotion you’d had over the past week seeming to bubble up at once. “I think so…” 

“You’re OK,” Joel said, pulling you closer, his lips gentle on your skin. “I’ve got you.” 

You just nodded against him and focused on how his skin felt on yours, his warmth and strength grounding while your mind was still swimming. 

“What about after dinner?” You sniffed. 

“We can watch one of those movies you like so much,” he said. “I know the ones that’ve been on your list, you don’t gotta pick unless you want to. Sound good?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “But… can we just stay here for a little while first? Please?” 

“Course baby,” he said. “Whatever you need. I’ll take care of you.” 

You nuzzled into his skin and breathed deep and you didn’t really know why you’d been so stressed when you got home to begin with. You just knew that you had Joel and that, as long as he was there, everything else would be OK.

[sunvmars]

citrus | s.r. [4]

pairing: steve rogers x fem/afab reader

↞ previous | next ↠

word count: 2.8k

warnings: none i can think of

summary: steve explains himself

a/n: guys i literally spent two days writing this and couldn’t manage to stretch it to 3,000 words :,) this is not the end of the series contrary to how the end of the fic sounds. also my birthday was on tuesday so i apologize for the late update!

You sigh deeply, not knowing what to expect.

"Alright, I'm listening."

You walk over and sit on the edge of your bed. He follows to stand in front of you, awaiting directions on where to sit. All you give is a shrug and pat the spot next to you on the bed.

"I don't bite," you joke with a smirk.

He returns your smirk with one of his own, "Not typically," he says.

Your heart pounds with anticipation when he sits next to you. Anxiety seeps off of him and threatens to crawl into you.

"So, what's going on?" you question.

Steve takes a deep breath in and then out, trying to find the right words to start with. He knows there aren't any right words to start with in this situation, but he searches his brain for them anyways. He also knows that you probably won't wanna be around him, or with him, again after he tells you what he's been keeping from you. So, he seizes the opportunity to fully take you in: soft and bedridden hair, pajamas that hug your figure, eyes illuminated by the dim lights.

"It's about your past, y/n. And, before I start, I need you to understand that I didn't want to keep this from you but I thought it was the right thing to do," he states, his voice low and steady like he's walking on eggshells.

Your heart skips a beat at his words. Elaine Caldwell, the woman who raised you, wasn't your real mother and you've always know that. She never kept it a secret from you so you were bound to find out, but she wasn't open about your real parents either. She'd always say that she would tell you everything you wanted to know someday when you were ready. Elaine passed only a few months after you turned 18 and left you with all of her belongings, but nothing she owned told you anything about your parents. You have looked for any trace of your parents and family for years, but you always turn up with nothing.

"Do you know something…?"

"I know everything," he admits.

You listen in silence as he begins to tell you everything he knows about your parents, Genesis, and Zepher Hawthorne. You listen in stunned silence as he tells you about how you're the only trace your parents left behind and about how strong you truly are. It's like something out of a movie, you struggle to process everything he's telling you. And when he's done explaining, all you feel is a mixture of confusion, irritation, and fear swirling within you.

"Why now, Steven?" you question with a shaky voice. "Why are you telling me now? Why didn't you tell me before?"

His shoulders slump slightly when his gaze meets yours. He's more than aware that his decision to keep all of that from you hurt you more than he could know. The fact that you're hurt and he's the one that caused it makes him feel unimaginably guilty and regretful. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before responding to you.

"I should've told you earlier, I know, and I'm sorry for keeping it from you. I thought I was protecting you," he admits, his voice filled with remorse. "It's stupid, but I had your best interest in mind, y/n. The whole reason I'm telling you this tonight is because Hawthorne doesn't just suspect you're alive, he knows it now, and he's getting closer to finding you. I wanted to find him before I told you any of this but now the circumstances have changed."

"Hawthorne knows about me?"

"Yes, he does. I got a letter from him two days ago stating that he knows who you are. He's not only aware of your existence, but I think he also knows that you've been with me. And that's exactly what I was afraid of."

"What does he want?" you ask.

Steve's jaw tightens as he tries to choose his words carefully. He doesn't want you to worry too much- that can't be good for you or the baby. Yet, he refuses to lie to you or sugarcoat anything again.

"I don't know for sure, not yet. However, given his history, he might see you as a threat, but it's more likely that he…he could have other motives."

You already know what 'other motives' he's referring to. Hydra isn't very secretive with how they operate; he'd use you as a weapon or an experiment. You find yourself becoming overwhelmed as you contemplate the danger you're in.

"Do you have a plan..?"

"We're working on it. I promise to keep you updated from here on out."

"Who's we?" you ask curiously with an eyebrow cocked up at him.

"Me and Buck," he mumbles.

"No. No, no. One, or both, of you are going to get hurt. We have to tell somebody else, I can't lose either of you-"

"Y/n, we're both going to be fine. We're going to be okay," Steve says, cutting off your rambling. "You're going to be fine," he adds,

"Hydra infiltrated SHIELD once and I won't risk the information getting into the wrong hands. Everything about you relates to your adoptive mother, and that's how it appears in the SHIELD database, so let's keep it that way for right now."

He's right, and you hate that more than anything.

"What about Bucky?" you ask with concern. "He's putting himself in danger to help us, we can't just let him face this alone."

His eyes reflect concern for Bucky just like yours do. "We've come up with a plan to minimize the risks for him and we're staying in close contact. Bucky's resourceful and calculated, plus he's got experience with Hydra. If I even suspect that he needs me then I'll go, but right now I have to be here for you."

"You left me, Steven. Now you decide you have to be here for me? Didn't seem like a top priority a few weeks ago. What changed?"

Steve winces at your words that feel like a punch to the gut. He hates that he hurt you at all and he especially hates that you think he wanted to. He knows he deserves every bit of your anger and frustration, but it doesn't make hearing it any easier. He sighs deeply as he reaches out to gently take your hand. You hesitantly allow him to hold your hand in his.

"I can't take back the pain I caused you, no matter how badly I want to. But I can promise to never keep anything from you again, no matter how difficult or dangerous the truth may be."

You look into his crystal blue eyes and see the sincerity in them. You see more than the truth in him though. Despite the mistakes he's made, you see the man you fell in love with who only wants to protect you. Guilt pangs in your chest at how harsh you'd been, although he likely deserved it.

"I'm sorry, I appreciate your honesty. I'm just confused and angry and…I don't think there's an emotion I haven't felt since we sat down, actually."

"I understand. It's a lot to take in, yeah?"

"There's just one thing I still don't understand," you say before looking over at him.

"And that is?"

"If I've got all these mental abilities, why can't I use them?"

"They could be dormant or suppressed," Steve replies. "It's not entirely uncommon for superhuman abilities to stay hidden until certain conditions are met or an event triggers them."

"I don't want you to try to use your abilities until we know more about them," he adds, "Bruce can probably run some tests for us."

"But what if we run out of time by then? What if he finds me? If he's still with Hydra, we have a better chance of taking them down if I know how to use whatever abilities I have."

"We have time, y/n," he reassures you gently, "Besides, you're in a tower full of superhumans and skilled agents. You're as safe as you can be here."

"I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen, Steve… If there's a chance that I can use these powers to protect us then I need to try."

Steve sighs when he sees nothing but pure determination in your eyes. Being as stubborn and insistent as you can be frustrates him sometimes, but he's well aware that he loves that about you. You're a fighter- you always have been and he only hopes that you always will be.

"Okay," he concedes. "We'll talk to Bruce tomorrow then, hm? We'll see if there's a safe way to test and develop your abilities. But you have to promise me you'll be careful and, if anything goes wrong, it's under my discretion whether or not you fight."

"I don't need you to be my damn father, Steven," you grumble, irritation laced in your voice.

He chuckles at your statement, earning an eye roll from you. "Believe me, I know you don't. But you mean everything to me, honey, and I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you or our baby."

"The baby," you whisper to yourself.

Your hand instinctively moves to your slightly bloated belly as you absorb the situation at hand. The baby growing inside of you, your unborn child, is at risk because of the secrets of your past. You begin to feel selfish for hardly thinking of the baby before you thought about yourself. A frown plants itself onto your lips and it makes Steve frown too. Then, when his words finally sink in, you repeat them almost like a question.

"Our baby…?"

A familiar lump forms in his throat. He finds himself unable to come up with a response, thinking he'd said something wrong. All he can muster up is a, "Yeah, our baby."

"You don't have to say that just to make me feel better, it's only going to make things worse."

"I never didn't want this baby, just like I never didn't want you. I didn't mean what I said earlier. I want both of you forever and I've never wanted anything more," he reassures you, trying his best to offer up a small smile.

"Are…are you sure? You can't take it back again."

"Wouldn't dream of it, I've never been more sure of anything else."

"Steve," you mumble. "I just wish that you had trusted me enough to tell me about this sooner."

"I should have. I should have trusted you with this from the start and I'm sorry for not doing so, but I will fix this, y/n. I'm going to make this right."

You don't respond, unable to find the words to say. He takes that as his cue to say something he probably shouldn't.

"I don't expect you to believe me, but I will do whatever it takes to make this right. And however long it takes for you to forgive me, I'll wait for you, even if that time never comes. You can hate me forever but I will never stop loving you; you're it for me, baby."

He doesn't mean to say it, but there it is. "Baby." Who knew someone could make a word sound so good? It could never sound so good rolling off of someone else's tongue and you hate that. You want to hate him, you want to hit him and fight with him for lying to you, but you can't. You're pissed with him yet all you can find yourself wanting is to be in his arms again- to be his baby again.

"Y/n? Did I say something wrong?"

You're not sure if it's the hormones, his willingness to protect you and the baby, or just you but something urges you to lay your head onto his chest- so you do that. Your head rests on his warm chest and your arms snake under his arms to wrap around his waist. You'd never fully grasped how much you missed the sound of his heartbeat until now. A heartbeat: It's something so simple but it makes your heart feel complete again, like both of your hearts are back in sync as they should be.

Steve's mind blanks and his body stiffens at your sudden movement. At first, he thinks he's simply daydreaming, but then he feels your grip tighten on his shirt. Your body shakes slightly and, even though you're silent, he knows you're crying. You're crying for the second time in twenty-four hours and it's his fault. He slowly, cautiously wraps his arms around you to pull you closer to him.

He lets you cry into him, not saying anything as you do. Sometimes words can't heal wounds and he knows that. He knows he's hurt you, but he's ready and willing to give you all the time and space you want to process everything.

Minutes pass in silence until your tears subside. You pull back slightly from Steve's chest, sniffling as you wipe away your tears. Your eyes make their way up to meet his.

"I just… I wanted to hear your heart again," you confess softly.

"I'm here, and I always will be. I'm so sorry for ever leaving you, y/n."

His eyes soften and he reaches up to cup your cheek. He smiles softly, wiping a stray tear from under your eye with his thumb. You find solace in his touch. You're so, so angry and confused but it's as though the tenderness in his gaze has the power to soothe your ache. In this very moment, it's easier to give in and let him care for you than to fight yourself on it. Honestly, you're not sure how much fight you have left for the day. So, you let out a shaky sigh and then lean into his touch for a moment.

"I know you're sorry, Steve," you reply softly. "And I want to believe you, I really do, but it's going to take time for me to fully trust you again."

"I know, and I'll give you all the time you need. I just want you to know that I'm here now, forever."

"I'm… I'm so angry with you still, and it'll take a while to get over that, but I don't think I have the energy to be angry anymore tonight."

"What do you need from me, honey?"

"Just wanna be us again for tonight," you admit, vulnerability laced in your voice.

"We can do that."

For now, the weight of the truth lingers in the air and so does the pain it's caused. You offer him a faint smile and he returns it with that perfect one of his own. From the way his heart flutters when he looks at you, he can't believe he went without you for so long. His eyes flicker from your lips to your eyes and back again. Then he finds himself wanting needing to kiss you.

"Y/n," he whispers gently, almost so gentle that it's inaudible.

His thumb continues to trace along your cheek. It's a tender caress that says everything he can't put into words. You can feel your heart pounding hard in your chest under the intensity of his gaze. The ache in your heart, the sudden need for his presence, it all becomes overwhelmingly clear.

"I don't want to rush things, but…"

He doesn't have to finish for you to know what he's going to say because you already know. You feel it too- that magnetic pull between you. Without hesitation, you lean in, closing the remaining distance between both of you. The kiss is short and sweet. It's soft and filled with a yearning that has been building up for weeks. It's a kiss that carries the weight of the words neither of you could find it in you to say. It carries the promise that you're still here and that he's willing to fight for you and the baby.

Steve rests his forehead against yours when your lips part. His eyes lock onto yours and he traces your jaw with his thumb. He knows that this doesn't mean things will instantly go back to how they were before, but this moment is one he appreciates anyways.

"Y/n," he coos softly, "I'll spend every day of my life making it up to you if I have to. I'll prove to you that I'll never let you down again."

You offer him another small and weary smile. It's a start, a tiny step towards rebuilding what once was. Neither of you has all the answers or knows what the future holds, but for now you have each other. And that's more than enough.

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[guccixstyless]

Confessions

Pairing: Sunghoon x Reader

Word Count: 1918 Words

Summary: Sunghoon and Y/n are childhood besties, but Y/n is in love with him although his heart is taken by someone else. What will happen when y/n finally confesses and he rejects?

A/N: Wrote this oneshot on a rush, hope you like it! Please leave a comment, it would mean a lot xx

Jake Sim Imagine

***********************************************************************

Sunghoon and Y/N had been inseparable since they were kids. They were the epitome of the classic best friends, finishing each other's sentences, sharing inside jokes, and being there for one another through thick and thin. Y/n cherished every moment spent with Sunghoon, but there was a secret she harbored deep within her heart—a secret she could never bring herself to confess. She was hopelessly in love with him.

But there was a catch, he was dating someone else. His girlfriend, Rim, was perfect, beauty with brains as they say. They've been dating for 2 months now.

"Just a little bit of love," Ariana Grande's melancholic melody played softly from the nearby café (the irony), casting a bittersweet spell over the night as the two bestfriends strolled on a Tuesday autumn evening. Y/n's gaze lingered on Sunghoon, the way his eyes sparkled with genuine joy, and she wished she could freeze this moment in time forever.

As they settled into their usual spot at the café, Y/n couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom creeping into her chest. After placing their beverage order, they both took a seat and she watched Sunghoon's eyes light up as he spoke about his girlfriend, a pang of jealousy twisting in her gut. She forced a smile, masking the turmoil within her.

She watched Sunghoon's eyes, so full of warmth and affection, and she knew she couldn't keep her feelings hidden any longer.

"Hoonie," her voice trembled with emotion, "there's something I need to tell you."

Sunghoon turned to her, his brow furrowing with concern. "What is it, Y/n? You know you can tell me anything."

Yn took a deep breath, steeling herself for what was to come. "I... I love you, Sunghoon. More than just a friend."

For a moment, there was silence, the weight of Yn's confession hanging heavy in the air. And then, Sunghoon spoke, his words shattering Yn's heart into a million irreparable pieces.

"I... I'm sorry, Y/n," his voice was barely a whisper, laced with sorrow. "I care about you, I really do, but... I'm with someone else."

Y/n felt her world crumbling around her, she knew what would be his response already but still the pain of rejection cutting deeper than any knife. She forced a smile, masking her heartache behind a facade of false bravado.

"It's fine, really! I wasn't expecting for you to reciprocate, I just wanted to let it out you know...couldn't hide it any further," Y/n smiled at Sunghoon.

"This won't affect our friendship, right?" Sunghoon asked worriedly, "I-..Y/n you're so special to me."

"We will be fine, Hoonie." Y/n assured him.

*******************************************************************

As the days passed after Y/n's confession, a palpable tension hung in the air between her and Sunghoon. She avoided his attempts to plan hangouts, citing various excuses that sounded stupid even to her own ears. Every time she saw him, her heart twisted with guilt and longing, knowing that she was pushing him away despite her deepest desires.

Sunghoon, ever perceptive, couldn't help but notice the change in Y/n's behavior. He could sense her pulling away, but he couldn't understand why. Y/n assured him it has nothing to do with the confession, so why? Was it something he said? Something he did? The questions swirled in his mind like a relentless storm, threatening to consume him whole.

One evening, as Y/n sat alone in her room, the weight of her unspoken feelings pressing down on her like a suffocating blanket, there was a soft knock on her door. She hesitated for a moment before mustering the courage to answer, her heart pounding in her chest like a drumbeat.

"Y/n, it's me," Sunghoon's voice filtered through the door, tinged with concern. "Can we talk?"

Y/n's breath caught in her throat at the sound of his voice, the familiar warmth washing over her like a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. She opened the door slowly, her eyes meeting Sunghoon's in silent apprehension.

"Hey," Sunghoon's smile was hesitant, his eyes searching hers for answers. "Can I come in?"

Yn nodded wordlessly, stepping aside to let him into her room. Sunghoon entered hesitantly, his gaze sweeping over the familiar surroundings with a mix of nostalgia and longing. He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably on his feet as he struggled to find the right words.

"Y/n, I... I know things have been weird between us lately," Sunghoon began, his voice soft with uncertainty. "And I can't shake this feeling that I've done something to upset you. If I have, please, just tell me. I can't stand this distance between us."

Y/n's heart ached at the sincerity in Sunghoon's words, the genuine concern etched on his face like a map of his inner turmoil. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms, to bury her face in his chest and confess her love for him once more, but the fear held her back like an invisible barrier.

"It's not you, Sunghoon," Y/n's voice was barely a whisper, laced with sorrow. "It's me. I... I just need some time to figure things out."

Sunghoon's brow furrowed with confusion, his eyes searching hers for answers that she couldn't bring herself to give. He reached out to touch her arm, a silent gesture of comfort and reassurance, but Yn flinched away as if his touch burned like fire.

"I'm sorry," Yn's voice trembled with emotion, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment. "I just... I need some space right now."

Sunghoon's heart sank like a stone in his chest at Y/n's words, the pain of her rejection cutting deeper than any knife. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close, to chase away the shadows that haunted her heart, but he knew that he had to respect her wishes, no matter how much it tore him apart inside.

"Okay," Sunghoon's voice was barely a whisper, heavy with resignation. "I'll give you the space you need. But just know that I'm here for you, whenever you're ready to talk."

With that, Sunghoon turned and left Y/n's room, the weight of her unspoken words hanging heavy in the air between them like a shroud. Y/n watched him go, her heart breaking a little more with each retreating step, knowing that she had hurt the person she cared about most in the world.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, but the distance between Y/n and Sunghoon only seemed to grow with each passing moment. They exchanged polite greetings when they crossed paths, but the easy familiarity of their friendship had been replaced by a strained awkwardness that neither of them could seem to shake.

Y/n watched from afar as Sunghoon's relationship with his girlfriend blossomed, her heart breaking a little more with each tender moment they shared. She knew that she had no right to feel jealous, no right to interfere in their happiness, but she couldn't help but wish that things were different—that she was the one by Sunghoon's side, sharing in his joys and sorrows.

Meanwhile, Sunghoon couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing from his life, a void that no amount of laughter or love could seem to fill. He missed the easy camaraderie he shared with Y/n, the way they could talk for hours about nothing and everything all at once. He missed the warmth of her smile, the sound of her laughter, the gentle touch of her hand against his.

***********************************************************************

One rainy afternoon, as Sunghoon sat on Rim's couch in her apartment, she called Sunghoon to have a talk. The sound of the rain tapping against the windowpane like a melancholic melody, he found himself lost in thought.

Rim sighed as she entered the living room and took a seat beside Sunghoon.

"Sunghoon, I like you a lot," she began, her voice trembling slightly with emotion, "but I know you and Y/n are meant for each other. We had a good run of few months, but even we both know it won't last long."

Sunghoon felt a lump form in his throat at her words, the guilt and sadness threatening to consume him whole.

"Rim babe..." He reached out to touch her hand, a silent gesture of gratitude and regret, but she pulled away gently, a bittersweet smile playing on her lips.

"I'll always cherish the memories we shared," she continued, her voice soft with nostalgia, "but I can't hold onto something that was never meant to be. You deserve to be with someone where there is mutual love, Sunghoon. And that someone isn't me. I see how longingly you look at her."

Tears welled up in Sunghoon's eyes as he listened to her words, his heart breaking a little more with each passing moment. He knew that he had hurt her, that he had let her down in ways he could never fully comprehend, but he also knew that he couldn't deny the truth any longer—that his heart belonged to Y/n, now and always.

"Thank you," Sunghoon whispered, his voice choked with emotion, "for understanding. For being so... selfless."

************************************************************************

With a sense of determination burning in his chest, Sunghoon grabbed his umbrella and headed out into the rain, the memories of his past with Y/n swirling around him like a whirlwind. He knew that he had to make things right, that he couldn't let fear and doubt stand in the way of his happiness any longer.

As he approached Y/n's house, his heart pounded in his chest like a drumbeat, the anticipation building with each step he took. He hesitated for a moment before mustering the courage to knock on her door, the sound echoing through the silence like a thunderclap.

Y/n opened the door slowly, her eyes widening in surprise at the sight of Sunghoon standing on her doorstep, rain-soaked and breathless. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a word, Sunghoon took her in his arms and held her close, his heart racing against hers in a symphony of longing and regret.

"I'm sorry, Y/n," Sunghoon's voice was barely a whisper, his words lost in the storm raging around them. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, for not realizing what was right in front of me all along. I love you, Y/n. More than just a friend."

Y/n felt her breath catch in her throat at Sunghoon's confession, her heart soaring with a joy she had never known possible.

"What about your girlfriend?" Y/n asked.

"Y/n, we broke up," he confessed softly, his words hanging heavy in the air between them. "We both knew it wouldn't last long, she was very understanding."

Y/n felt slightly guilty but also she was grateful Rim was such a great soul.

She begin to approach Sunghoon, taking little steps.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, clinging to him as if he were the anchor keeping her from drifting away.

"I love you too, Sunghoon," Y/n's voice trembled with emotion, tears mingling with raindrops on her cheeks. "More than words can say."

And as they stood there in the pouring rain, their hearts beating as one, they knew that they had finally found their way back to each other—that no amount of distance or doubt could ever tear them apart again.

For in each other's arms, they had found the love they had been searching for all along—a love that would withstand the test of time, a love that would light their way through even the darkest of storms.

[bunnybubae]

(M)🚦Red Light: The Fear | Ch1 [JJK]

👉🏻[Series Masterpost]

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (GymOwner!JK/MotoRacer!JK/Biker!JK-TattoArtist!OC)

Genre: S2L - Smut - Fluff - Angst

Summary: Jeon Jungkook never lets any distraction take him away from his motorcycle or his gym for more than one night. He just wants to speed around the track and feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the sex he gets thanks to his charm, is just a side dish to his life. A tough past brought him on that Ducati that he learned to love, a past  you'll uncover, as you slowly seep in under his skin. It's a hell of a ride, in all senses, as you try to escape your own hell in the meanwhile.  Where will this ride bring you? Will it be worth it in the end?

Chapter Warnings: This chapter describes an episode of harassment (it involves an unwanted kiss), please be aware of this if this theme makes you uncomfortable, description of past emotional abuse (manipulation, toxic jealousy), Angst, mention of alcohol consumption, Oc's ex is a stalker, cops are grossly negligent in this au, Tae and Hani to the rescue, Jk is hot af but this is nothing new.

Wc: 7.4k

A/N: Hello there! I've been planning this whole series for over a year and I'm finally able to make it come to life, slowly but surely! As always, I'm sorry if there are some grammatical mistakes, english isn't my first language and I don't have a beta, so pls bear with me! 🫶🏻

Let me know what you think about the series, my box is always open! - Joy 🐰

September 12th, Tuesday

The sun has already set, leaving the place to the colors of dusk.

You feel that your heart might explode in your chest at any moment. Is it the september evening breeze that's causing the chills covering your skin, or if it's all due to this visceral fear that's blocking your muscles right now? You can't quite tell.

After some extra hours at work, you thought you could finally close the tattoo shop in peace and go home to enjoy some leftover pizza in front of your laptop, but no- Ray evidently had other plans for you, deciding to unexpectedly visit you in the most unpleasant way possible. 

You wish Hani had stayed a little longer today to close the shop with you, because this sickening feeling it's becoming unbearable. You feel like a mouse in front of a ravenous cat and you want to scream, but you just don't find the courage to do it. 

He caught you off guard from behind, while you were looking for the keys in your bag, then he effortlessly spun you around on the spot and you found yourself blocked by your shoulders leaning against the entrance door of the shop. 

Your throat tightens as you struggle to breathe regularly. 

You're helpless and right now the only thing you can do is curse the day you replied to his message on Instagram, curse the invitation to participate at that damn workshop you and Hani organized for an exchange of advertising between tattoo artists. You can only curse that day and the following ones you spent with him. Of course you couldn't imagine that your perfect relationship would turn into such a nightmare, your ex used to be so kind and loving with you at the beginning, not even close to the obsessive, pleading mess that's keeping you trapped in utter fear right now. Jealousy can sometimes turn into such an obsession evidently, it can change people and you never expected something like this to happen in your life. Everything only got worse when after almost a year in your toxic relationship, you found the courage to finally break up with him. 

Weeks had passed since the last time Ray had disgusted you with his threatening messages and unexpected visits during work, you were almost convinced he had found another hobby but as a matter of fact, you were wrong. 

He understood that you can ignore his messages or even block his number for good, that you won't listen to him when Hani or your clients are around, but you certainly won't be able to ignore his forced presence, especially now that you're totally alone. He knows he has your undivided attention in this way.

He slurs something but you can't even pay attention. His inked arms are situated on each side of your head, while he looks down at you with desperate eyes. You don't even recognize him anymore. He used to take extra care of his appearance and health back when you two used to date, but now it seems like he is facing a grave problem with drinking. His body is close to yours, way too close for your liking and his warm breath mixed with whatever alcohol he drank, almost makes you gag. 

The smell of his cologne is the only thing that's still the same and that you recognize, it hits your nostrils and it brings back memories that now only hurt.

“Y/N, baby- why do you keep ignoring me like this?” his voice is strained and his face is contorted in anger- or nostalgia, you can't even tell. "You're killing me and I always treated you well" He is trying to stop the thoughts that are clouding his mind, slurring out the words breathlessly.

"I fucking miss you! I don't know what else to do to make you mine again!" 

These words are filled with desperation and you hate it, his need for possession is crystal clear in his statements. He threatened you multiple times saying that if you didn't get back together he would harm himself, claiming that the pain was too strong for him to bear, but he never said he wanted you back because he loved you, not even once. The only thing that he misses is controlling you, the only thing that he loves is taking away everything from you, putting himself at the center of your world.

He only wants to call you his, like a mere emotionless object. You hate it, you hate him.

He probably never wanted to take care of your heart as you believed and the realization that you were in love with him once, that his twisted feelings were strong for you but not in a healthy way, it makes you sick to your stomach. You should have known better, but you were blinded by your feelings.

There was a moment when you thought that you deserved this treatment, you told yourself that you allowed all of this because you were too naive to notice that those toxic feelings were poisoning your persona, till it was too late and they suffocated you, caging you. 

"G-get away from me" you manage to say in a small voice as your heart thunders in your ears. Your stomach twists in a knot when you sense his moving hands. The fear turns into pure horror when his hands find their way to rest on your cheeks a little too harshly and you instinctively hold your breath.

His drunken lips crash into yours with urgency, and you feel like you might throw up at all the disgusting sensations you are experiencing right now. Your body reacts of its own accord, rejecting this desperate, unwanted kiss before he could deepen it or do something worse. 

“I said get away from me!” you scream in a broken voice as you try to push him away with all the strength you possess. 

Ray is looking at you, almost surprised that you had the courage to reject him. Despite your effort he doesn't budge much, it's like his feet are planted to the ground. 

You're not able to meet his bloodshot eyes as you desperately try to free yourself. He's mumbling something that you can't quite comprehend and then his heavy hands are pushing your shoulders against the cold glass of the shop entrance, once again.

You didn't know you were crying until your vision started to blur with tears. This feeling of helplessness is the same one that kept you stuck in Ray's twisted love for months. 

Red flags were scattered all around, he started by making you doubt your abilities as an artist to then insistently ask you to pass all your male clients to Hani, co-owner of the shop as well as your best friend ever since you were children. She was the one who covered up your lies with Ray, as you tried to keep your clients aways from his madness.

He bulldozed everything around you, but Hani always stayed by your side, refusing to believe Ray's lies. She was your sturdy pillar when everything around you was falling apart. 

It was when Ray began to spread heavy lies about her, to lead you to break the agreements and contract with her, that you finally understood the gravity of the situation, that he was capable of totally ruining your life if you allowed him to manipulate you further. 

The threatening texts and stalking episodes that followed are nothing compared to what keeping a relationship with him could have entailed.

You're not sure when Ray started behaving in a toxic manner, cause you still remember the rosy beginning of your relationship and everything was just fine. Hani says she started noticing changes when he decided to surprise you one day at the shop and found the both of you engaged in a simple conversation with some male regulars. This evidently made him very jealous, because from that moment, the ordeal began. 

Your thoughts and sobbing are interrupted when Ray goes from mumbling pleas to insulting you with hatred, while his hands squeeze your shoulders as if to make sure to imprint on your skin all that he is feeling for you. 

You're not sure how you managed to free yourself from his grip, next thing you know you're running with all the strength you have left in your body, abandoning the alley of the shop to find a safer place. You hear him calling your name a couple of times as you put more and more distance between you. You fear that he might follow you and block you once again and the mere thought of finding yourself defenseless in the arms that once wrapped you with apparent affection, is enough to make new tears flow down your cheeks. 

The streets are almost empty and after reaching one that is well illuminated by shop signs, you look around to make sure he is not after you. When you make sure he is nowhere to be found, you grab your phone with shaky hands to call your best friend. You keep walking down the sidewalk as you try to calm your crying. 

“Y/N?” 

After a few rings, Hani answers the phone and hearing her voice ruins your desperate attempt to stay calm. You let out a liberating cry as you tell her that Ray really went too far this time. 

You knew that Hani had a date with her boyfriend, Taehyung, who she met several months ago at the shop. Tae got a tattoo from her and from that moment they became inseparable. You knew they were going out to dinner and you feel bad ruining their date like this, but they are the only people you can trust who know everything about your struggles with your ex.

Hani speaks quickly but gently on the phone, she clearly tries to keep calm while she tells you to go to the bar that you often visit after work, located just a few minutes away from the shop. She reassures you, telling you that they would be there as soon as possible. 

“Don't hang up until you get there, okay?” Hani adds, she can probably sense how shaken you are by what just happened and leaving you alone, even if it's over the phone, is out of question.

“I'm almost there,” you reply weakly through your sobs as you keep walking. You dry your face and try to normalize your breathing when you reach the small street where the bar is located. It's a quiet little place that holds countless memories for you and Hani, it was there that you and her celebrated the purchase of your tattoo shop a few years ago and it's where you return whenever you feel the need to unplug for a moment, while remaining in an familiar environment that makes you feel at ease. 

You walk through the entrance still holding your phone to your ear. The warmth hits your limbs pleasantly while lounge music and the smell of beer begin to envelop you like a blanket. 

On the other end of the phone you hear a loud windy noise and you deduce that Hani has already gotten on the motorcycle with Tae and that they are therefore about to arrive.

You feel a little calmer.

You end the call, knowing that Hani can't hear you and instead you opt for a text, informing her you'll wait for them at your usual spot. 

When you scan the place, you're glad it's only a tuesday as there are only a few people. You reach the slightly more secluded area of the place and you sit at your favorite table. The place is filled with fairy lights hanging above your head, their light hitting the brickstone of the walls and the wooden furniture just right, giving a cozy vibe that you always liked.

You then take off your jacket and your bag before sitting down, glad to have some dividers shielding you as you feel the aftermath of the adrenaline rush coming to you, all your strength drains away. Your shoulders ache from the tension and because of Ray's grip on them, your feet throb from the wild run and your heart continues to beat like a concert is taking place inside your ribs. You lean on the table with your elbows as you bring your hands to your head to massage your temples.

How could you ever imagine to find yourself in a similar situation?

You naively refused to believe that Ray was capable of hurting you in any way. He was too sweet and helpful with you at the beginning to think he was evil, your shared passion for arts was the core of your relationship and you also learned something new about the art of tattooing thanks to him. You were grateful for all the help he gave you in the shop. Ray is also objectively hot and the physical attraction and sexual chemistry were very strong between you.

Everything was pretty perfect.

Too much indeed, to the point that thinking about it now you wonder how you didn't notice how much the whole thing was stinking a mile away. You couldn't imagine that behind his perfect appearance and behavior, there was such an obsessed manipulator. You truly believed that he loved you like you loved him.

You sigh, rubbing your eyes with the heel of your hands. Whatever he has done now, you're sick to ask help from the cops, they did nothing useful when you needed them in the past.

"We can't handcuff a guy without clear evidence that he's acting in bad faith, he's a heartbroken young man trying to win his girlfriend back!" 

These were the words they said only two months ago, when you tried to report his constant messages and stalking episodes. Nobody did anything. They dwelt mostly on the threats he sent, on the fact that he said he was going to hurt himself if you didn't answer or consider getting back together with him and they also didn't think his repeated visits were something to worry about, since he used to do that when you were still together, in their opinion.

They even had the courage to tell you that you guys are young, that people are made to make mistakes and learn from them and all that bullshit people say when they need  to give air to their mouths. 

They made him seem like the victim here and you are so sick to deal with this bullshit, you'd rather lock yourself home and never get out than asking their useless help once again. 

You don't feel safe anyway, neither without nor with them.

You've resigned to the idea that you can't count on them and that you must do something yourself, but what can you do against a much taller and stronger guy?

You shiver at the thought but then your attention is drawn by a soft voice.

“Hey,” when you lift your head, your gaze softens as it meets your best friend's face. She promptly sits next to you without even taking off her motorcycle jacket and gloves and she pulls you into her arms.

"I swear if I see him around I'll gouge out his eyes and make earrings out of them." 

Hani states as she continues to soothe you in her embrace. A little smile creeps on your face, mostly because you know that she would be perfectly capable of doing what she just said. 

She is scary sometimes, but you love her nonetheless. 

You feel an extra hand caressing your shoulder "That's a creepy way to do some recycling but I approve" Taehyung adds in a lighter tone, when you move to look at him you notice he is looking down at you with a sad smile on his face.

Since Tae started dating Hani, he has become a dear friend to you, you love the natural way he takes care of her, and you appreciate the several times he came to your rescue, having a fight with Ray to defend you. He is a good friend. You smile at him but the smile doesn't reach your puffy reddened eyes. 

It's nice to know that your friends are always there for you, you feel so helpless though, so fragile right now. 

Tae orders the usual for the three of you and some snacks from a passing waiter, and then he joins you and Hani at the table, both of them ready to listen to you.

“Thank you guys for coming- I'm sorry I ruined your date.” you feel guilty and your voice is still trembling a little bit. 

“Don't even joke about it, Y/N.” Tae's tone is almost scolding as he fixes their motorcycle jackets next to him. 

“You know that Tae and I see each other almost every day," Hani says "You don't have to worry about that.” 

“It's just that I- I never felt so weak before” you admit as your eyes begin to shine again, unshed tears gathering on the rim of your lower eyelid, threatening to fall at any moment. 

“I tried to push him away when he kissed me.” the memory of his lips on yours makes you shudder, so much so that you can't believe that there was a time instead when you craved those lips all over your body. 

"I was barely able to push him off of me." Hani and Tae keep listening, anger readable on their faces as you recount what happened. You manage to speak on the verge of crying, your eyes glimmer but this time you find the strength to keep your tears at bay. You feel anger taking over your fear right now, that's probably why you refuse to cry over your disgusting ex and his demeanor yet again.

Hani interjects, stating that she'll do all the closing at the shop with you from now on, adding that she's starting to consider buying you some pepper spray, so you can empty it on his face if he shows up again.

The waiter returns with your orders and some water, telling you to call him back if you need anything else. He seems to have noticed your mood and doesn't want to interfere too much while remaining at your service anyway. You thank him with a warm smile before he goes back to doing his job elsewhere.

“Pepper spray is a good idea and you should buy it if it makes you feel a little safer," Tae begins "but I have another idea.” he adds before sipping his drink.

“I have a friend who races with me who also owns a gym, he even teaches kids how to throw good punches and stuff.”

You had almost completely forgotten that Tae participates in a regional motorcycle racing championship every year, Hani did nothing but talk about it at the beginning of their relationship. 

Hani nods vigorously after taking a sip of her own drink, agreeing with her boyfriend. 

"It wouldn't be a bad idea actually!" she says “Punching the shit out of that dick head would be even more satisfying!”

Tae fishes his wallet out of his jacket pocket and then rummages through its folds. When he finds what he was looking for, he places a business card on the table and pushes it towards you. 

"Jungkook took care of the gym full time before also dedicating himself to racing" he explains "Now there is a guy who helps him with the management, but he prefers to take care of the main courses himself"

You collect the business card while pondering what to do. Taking some boxing lessons might help you boost your confidence, your strength and it might be a good distraction as well.

"It's not that far from the shop" you recognize the name of the gym having passed in front of it a few times while you wanted to buy breakfast in a nearby coffee shop before your shift at work. You could use the opportunity to learn something new that you could also use to your advantage if needed.

You listen while Tae tries to explain what he knows about the gym, telling you that his friend Jungkook mainly handles the children's class in the early afternoon and the adult's class that starts at 7pm. That wouldn't be bad for you, since your closing time is around 6 pm, cleaning up and preparing the shop for the next day won't take much time.

“If you decide to try, tell him I sent you,” Tae continues “I can already tell you tho- Jungkook loves to joke, sometimes a little too much, but he's a good guy and knows how to be serious when necessary” 

You slightly nod, looking back at the piece of paper in your hands. 

You can try, and if you don't like it you can always leave. 

You can grab an uber or whatever to reach the place and to go back home. It should be fine if you book it a little earlier, so you don't have to wait alone outside.

"Okay," you suddenly say "I think I'll give it a try." 

Hani and Tae both smile, visibly content with your choice.

"Do you want me to walk you there?" Hani asks "It'll be a 30ish minute walk" You accept Hani's proposal without thinking too much.

"How about thursday?" you add "We can go together and then I'll get organized with uber and stuff"

Hani agrees, then she drifts her attention to Tae, who starts to discuss with her the time and place he will be coming to pick her up after she drops you at the gym.

The evening continues normally, you regain your tranquility bit by bit, even tho there is always a pinch of sadness and anger bothering you in the back of your mind. Sharing some quiet moments with your friends managed to cheer you up enough to genuinely laugh at the silly bickering between the two lovebirds. 

You can't help but wonder if you'll be able to get over this mess anytime soon.

When it's time to go home, Hani decides that she will be spending the night with you at the apartment you once shared for more than a year, before she started to crash often at Tae's.

Ray could always decide to make the situation worse by showing up at your door, you think. If he decides to do so, Hani could create those famous eyeballs-earrings much sooner, she said. The joke makes you all chuckle, you are happy to have them by your side, gosh- you truly are grateful.

Spending time with them definitely improved your mood and you feel like you can overcome this bad period of your life, with time and patience. 

You thank Tae who waited for your uber to arrive before putting on his helmet and get on his motorcycle.

You feel incredibly tired but hopeful, this new experience could really help you on multiple fronts.

September 14th, Thursday

When you wake up, you feel like you've slept for barely 2 hours, but it's been like this since the whole stalking shit started, so. You lack your usual enthusiasm, that unbridled desire to create works of art on other people's skin, it's slowly vanishing away and that worries you. 

You do your best to react though. The day goes by better than yesterday, your appointments at the shop flow smoothly one after the other and some potential customers have come to ask for some info on the costs of piercings, something Hani mainly manages. 

You keep your mood up to meet your customers' requests, to smile and make them feel comfortable.

You are finishing the last touches on the skin of your last client of the day when, looking up at the clock hanging on the wall, you realize that soon it will be time to close, you shudder a little even if you know that Hani will close the shop with you this time, it's been only two days after all, the events are still too fresh. You let the buzzing sound of the pen distract you as you fill the last bit of skin with ink.

In no time, the shop is empty and silent again, except for Hani who has the pleasant habit of humming as she tidies up her side of the shop. You finish cleaning your station while your mind wanders. You think that it was so natural and easier to enjoy the peace of this place before. 

This has always been a safe place for you, your very home. Of course, the concept of home is usually a place where you don't do your job, where you sleep, eat and rest. You pay the rent for the apartment, but this is still where you spend most of your time, this is that place that you know you will never leave, that you feel it's yours, that when you walk through the door makes you feel in your element.

It shouldn't be that difficult now, it's still the same shop, but the need to hide your appointments to avoid arguments with your ex in the past and the fear you began to feel as time passed, have tarnished what this place means to you. Your face drops in sadness at the thought. You want to go back to loving this place like you've always done at all costs and find some serenity again. Tattooing has always been your passion, something that sadly distanced you from your parents, who always wished you would pursue a different career. You won't let Ray ruin what you accomplished with sacrifices.

The shop shines when you're done, you pick up the bag previously prepared for the gym and you and Hani close the shop together. 

You hope these lessons can help you release some stress.

Hani walks by your side, talking about everything and nothing, sharing a little laugh when you tell her that you can't wait to punch a sandbag imagining Ray's face. 

The evening is pleasantly chilly and you're almost at the gym when you ask Hani if she wants you to wait with her for Tae to arrive.

“Don't worry I'll meet him at the corner,” she reply "besides, the class has already started, you should head inside."

You look at your phone, realizing it's way past 7:30pm already and you begin to feel a little anxious. Hani then tells you to call her or Tae if you need anything, even if they're going to spend the evening at the movies, she makes sure that you know you can always rely on them.

You nod, smiling "Thanks for being there Hani, I don't know how I'd have reacted to all of this alone" You truly don't know. Hani waves her hand "Don't even joke abaut it" she replies, mirroring your smile. 

"You even talk like Tae now!"

She rolls her eyes but she knows you are just teasing her.

“I want to know everything about your first lesson tomorrow!” she emphatically throws a few empty and totally random punches. You giggle at the scene shaking your head “Sure sure- I’ll show you what I learn.” 

“As long as you don't punch me, I'm fine with it.” You push her playfully and then you say goodbye as she walks away and you enter the gym.

It seems like a recently renovated place. You expected the usual smell of sweat and plastic typical of the gyms, but you are actually surprised to catch a fresh hint of flowers in the air. You notice a small reception near the entrance door, a well decorated counter with all sorts of flyers on top and red and blue led lights that illuminate the gym logo in the front, but there is no one behind the counter to welcome you. 

You take a few steps through an arch that leads to what is apparently the main area of the gym. 

The floor is mostly covered with a rubber tatami and you see some hanging plants and flower pots by the walls, which explains the very subtle smell in the air. Different tools and dumbbells are scattered around while several people are engaged in exercises of various kinds in front of some floor to ceiling mirrors.

You scan the place, pleased by the vibe it radiates. It surely is strange to find so many flowers and plants in a place like this, but it gives an original touch to it. Your gaze lands on a bunch of guys wearing boxing gloves while observing the explanation of an exercise. The one that's explaining, according to Tae's description, should be his friend Jungkook, who is standing in front of them while performing the exercise in question as an example.

Wow. Those are some wide shoulders right there. 

You watch him intently as the dark haired guy moves. Something about his movements is attractive and you guess it's just him when he turns around and you notice the lip ring that Tae had told you about and the right arm completely full of colorful tattoos that you are already dying to curiously inspect. Yup, he's hot.

You watch him from the entrance as he performs the exercise with ease, his muscles flex and you can glimpse at them while his clothes deliciously wrap around his body. Tae could have warned you, it's gonna be hard to concentrate with this guy.

Jungkook almost seems to sense your gaze on him when, once his explanation is over, he turns towards the entrance you are standing at and your eyes meet for a moment. You tense up cursing at yourself, gawking at a complete stranger at the gym is creepy, But then you notice he's smiling while he approaches you and the group of guys he left is now performing the exercise.

"Can I help you?" 

Of course, even his voice had to be hot. Fuck. You shift on your spot, clutching the bag you're carrying on your shoulder as you hope the warmth you're feeling on your face doesn't color your cheeks.

"You must be Jungkook," you reply, feeling a little awkward. Why even the sound of your own voice sounds stupid to you right now, damn.

"In the flesh." he responds confidently, pushing his hair back with his fingers.

Ok, now it's fucking clear as day that this guy knows very well that he is good looking and that he has an effect, which makes you think that he must be used to the women eating him up with their eyes.

"And you are?" he asks with curiosity laced in his voice. 

"Uh sorry, I'm Y/N" you compose your thoughts trying to ignore the increasing awkwardness you feel explaining that "Taehyung told me about your class and I would like to give it a try." 

"Kim Taehyung? Are you two friends?" He seems surprised as his eyebrows raise.

“Yeah, his girlfriend is my best friend.” 

Jungkook chuckles by himself, amused by something you ignore. 

"You're the tattoo artist, aren't you?" he asks, smiling as if he figured a puzzle or something like that.

“Did he say I was coming?”

“Not exactly,” Jungkook replies “but I met your best friend at Tae's a few times and I heard her say your name while speaking to Tae.” He seems pleased by the coincidence. 

The fact that he remembers this small thing doesn't surprise you that much, but you start to feel anxious wondering if he happened to hear something related to your situation with Ray, you'd rather avoid talking about it. It's already difficult to deal with it with your friends, but most of all, you don't need compassion.

Jungkook observes you momentarily, and almost as if he sensed the drift of your thoughts, he beckons you to follow him towards a freer area of the gym. You follow him till you reach a set of gloves neatly arranged in one corner. 

“Can I see your hands?” he asks casually.

"Sure." You leave the bag you're carrying on your shoulder on the ground, moving it to the side so it's not in the way, then you bring your hands forward with your palms facing up to let him observe them. Jungkook gently gathers your hands, and his touch is so delicate you barely feel it. He observes carefully, humming while he tries to figure out which pair of boxing gloves would fit you well.

It's not even a proper touch, it almost feels like the slight tickle that a feather would give and it's... pleasant. You're not completely indifferent as his fingers continue to brush the back of your hands, the sensation making you feel a little shy even though he is just looking at your hands and nothing more.

"Try these" His fingers leave you to take and offer you a particular pair of boxing gloves that he thinks might fit you. You inspect them briefly, wincing a little at the sweaty feel that envelops your hands as you put them on. 

You feel your hands swimming inside, indicating that they are too big for you. You look at Jungkook asking “Do you have a slightly smaller pair?” Jungkook seems to have already considered the possibility that these were too big. He is giggling as he hands you another pair of seemingly smaller and more colorful boxing gloves and you see him try to bite back the smile that's on his pink lips. You can't help but think that the way he scrunches up his nose is actually cute.

You switch up the gloves with the colorful one, immediately understanding why he was chuckling like that. “I know, it's a big problem for me,” you admit, chuckling at your own hands, “I can't find latex gloves that fit perfectly 'cause of this” He laughs with you, amused by the smile that formed on your face when you noticed that the gloves he gave you are for children, specifically a blue and red spiderman themed pair. 

"Using the words 'big problem" just made the whole thing funnier!"

"Well, I'll throw spider punches today." you joke.

Jungkook let's out a small laugh as he is looking at you with something in his eyes, you're probably the first grown up who needs kid's gloves and you catch him subtly checking you out.

This sense of lightness, simple yet helpful for your tired mind, is doing some good to you, you can feel it as you notice that you're exchanging genuine smiles and gazes since you started talking.

You follow him, avoiding to step on the tatami with your shoes as you approach the corner with different punch bags. He stands next to you in front of one of the standing punch bags available.

“Alright- so, there's no need to throw hard punches, for now just show me how you throw them.”

"But I don't know how!" you admit.

"Exactly, I want to see your natural movements, to understand what we'll have to work on'' Jungkook replies as he crosses his arms on his chest. The motion captures your eyes for a moment too long. That sleeve tattoo looks perfectly done and you barely refrained to take a closer look, the delicious way his tatted muscles are popping out of his white t-shirt is too distracting.

"Now show me how those little hands would hit the bag" his tone has slightly changed and he is smirking at you. He's teasing purposely and you think you saw him winking at you, or maybe you just imagined it. You roll your eyes as an attempt to save yourself from the embarrassment of being caught gawking at him like that. 

You ignore the persistent warmth on your cheeks and try to remember the movements you saw earlier, as he explained to those guys. They seemed to get into position before they did anything else, so you try to imitate the movements you remember as best as you can.

You bring your left arm across your chest as your right arm punches the punch bag in front of you with ease. Jungkook's face is fully concentrated, he hums as he nods a couple of times, his gaze lost as he ponders on the movements he just saw. 

“Okay, first of all- your left arm.” Jungkook moves, putting himself between you and the punch bag. 

"Get back in position again, the one before you throw the punch" 

You promptly do what he asked, repeating the previous movements once again. You stop when your arms are folded like before and you're ready to throw the punch. Jungkook's hands move as he says "Relax your shoulders." and then they gently rest on you.

This time his touch is not a simple featherlike brush, you feel the weight of his hands resting delicately on your skin and you stiffen at the contact. He said you should relax, but his hands on you caused the opposite reaction.

Ray and his hands come to your mind, the feeling of him holding you against the glass door is fogging your thoughts again, even though Jungkook's touch is soft and gentle on you.

You wince a little, taking a step back instinctively. Jungkook immediately withdraws his hands, sensing your discomfort. 

"S-sorry, I was trying to correct your posture, I didn't mean to-"

“No- it's fine" you interrupt him, suppressing the negative emotions that started to poison your guts.

You really want to focus and learn and until now, you had no idea your ex's behavior has affected you up to this point. 

Jungkook watches you dubiously, you can't decipher the expression adorning his beautiful face right now, he seems worried, thoughtful, maybe he's wondering what kind of an idiot would want to learn how to throw punches and then reacts like this at the slightest physical contact. 

The idea of having to give up because of this sensation, pisses you off. You gulp the lump on your throat while you close your eyes briefly, then you resume the position, being careful to relax your shoulders this time.

"Better?" you ask in a calm voice. Jungkook nods with a faint smile on his face. Even if he probably noticed there's something wrong, you're glad he's not asking questions. 

"What else wasn't right?" 

Jungkook notices your determination to continue and returns to your side again, opting for a demonstrative explanation this time.

He moves his body naturally and you observe him carefully. His movements are so precise and satisfying to watch and the desire to learn, to achieve more or less this naturalness, gives you the right push to continue. Most of all, now that you know that Ray left this horrible sensation on your skin, you're determined to get rid of it. 

Jungkook explains the importance of taking a correct position, to be able to hurt and not get hurt. A faint smile returns to your face at his way of explaining this kind of thing with passion and care. 

You imitate his movements by moving your left foot forward, your left arm at your chest like before but slightly higher, until your glove touches the side of your chin. When you feel that you have planted your foot well on the ground, with a slight movement of your shoulders, you accompany your right fist towards the bag, also rotating your pelvis slightly.

And just like that, you land a perfect punch on the punch bag.

Jungkook cheers softly so as not to disturb the others but his satisfaction is evident. You smile to see him so taken for so little, but you have to admit that you feel pumped, and yes- it was only one perfectly landed punch.

“That's a great start!” he adds enthusiastically. 

"So even small hands can throw some good punches huh!" You laugh softly and Jungkook joins you, genuinely amused.

"I'm sure those little punches will be able to do a lot of harm soon!" he declares "If you wanna join the gym, of course." 

This is what you needed to hear, it gives you courage, you can't wait to feel totally comfortable with your abilities, you're ready to commit to this and Jungkook saw it, when you eagerly said "Of course I want!"

That -little episode- long forgotten when you two started to talk comfortably that evening. Jungkook took some time to explain how and when he gives his lessons and to show you around the gym as well as the female's locker room, making sure you knew you could use everything you wanted once you felt comfortable enough to train alone.

From that day, you started going to the gym almost regularly. To be honest, as time passed, you couldn't wait to get back on that tatami to train after work, it soon became a healthy habit.

And, on the other side, you could see Jungkook.

You like having him around, you and him started bantering all the time almost instantly. You got used to his presence and his ways of teasing pretty fast and he's been a breath of fresh air for you. You've been attracted to him since day one, you're not gonna lie, but he soon became some kind of a friend. 

Yeah, that kind of friend you'd gladly rip their clothes off, but whatever.

The lethal mix of wide shoulders, buff body, lip ring, tatted arm and that sweet face of his when he smiles and scrunch up his cute nose… 

Yup, you're kinda crushing on him and training with him almost everyday it's quite challenging.

You two share a nice friendship, but it's clear that something else is hidden underneath. The constant glances and flirty jokes at the gym are proof of that and from time to time you also catch him pretending not to be looking at your butt. 

You are more at ease now and that's also thanks to him and his lessons.

Everything seems to be falling back to place, if not an even better one. 

Ray has been silent since that night outside the shop. No messages, no calls, no unexpected visits, no nothing. The fear to meet him again is still persistent and sometimes the horrible things he did to you still haunt your mind, but you're now able to manage to get rid of it in no time. You're more confident, you sleep better and you're learning a bunch of new stuff that keeps your mind busy.

You feel like you're able to breathe again, like you got your life back in your hands. 

Hani walked with you to the gym a few more times after the first time, but you soon started to book an uber to go and get back. It wasn't difficult to get into a rhythm: you book it through your phone a little earlier, so you don't have to wait outside and that's it, like this you're able to close the shop and get into the car immediately and when you have to go back home, you take a shower at the gym, say your goodbyes and head outside, where your uber is already waiting for you. Simple and effective.

Just to be extra sure, you leave your lessons a little earlier, like at 9pm instead of 10pm. Better safe than sorry.

Jungkook never asked the reason why you always leave early, not explicitly at least. Sometimes he's teased you by asking if you quit training early to fight crime with your cute hands, a recurring joke you always involuntarily smile at. Tae had warned you after all, Jungkook jokes a lot and in all this time spent at the gym, training with him, you had the opportunity to see for yourself.

There's something though that seems to creep behind his eyes every now and then and you can't quite put your finger on what. Sometimes he seems extremely thoughtful or even sad, even a few moments after he just cracked a joke. 

You never had the courage to ask, just like he never asked why you reacted like that the first time he touched you. You don't want to ask him what's bothering him and apparently he doesn't want to ask you either. Jungkook began to invade your thoughts just like that, with ease, and this hidden mystery behind his beautiful brown eyes keeps drawing you to him more and more.

| [Next Chapter] ▶

[anamoon63]

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[anticomedygarden]

solangelo ficlet based on a duolingo story (yes, i've gotten to the point where i'm taking inspiration from duolingo)

it's on ao3

-

When Will dragged Nico to the supermarket at 8 p.m. on this fine Tuesday night, the son of Hades was absolutely dead on his feet. See, his day started 17 hours ago when he got up at 5 a.m. to get ready to teach literature to 4 different high school classes. It would have been 7 classes, but he'd taken a half day after his boyfriend called to say their landlord was kicking them out early, and they'd need to move all their stuff out by 4 p.m. which meant that none of their friends were free to help them. Then, they'd spent four hours unpacking all the necessities and putting them away to save some drama come morning. Altogether, Nico had probably sat down for about 5 whole minutes.

So, yeah. It had been a long day.

But Will was pulling him through the aisles of an unfamiliar grocery store, a tired smile on his face, clearly intent on replacing the food they'd had to leave behind in the move. "What do you want for dinner?" he asked as they passed a pyramid of melons in the produce.

That was unfortunate. He did not feel like cooking anything at all. "Can't we just get takeout?"

It seemed Nico's day was not nearly over because Will shook his head, eyeing the meat section. "If we cook tonight, we'll have leftovers for the rest of week." He took Nico over to look at the hamburger. "Do you want some pasta?"

"But I'm tired now," Nico protested, ignoring his boyfriend's suggestion in the hopes it would stall him. "Besides, that sounded so grown up."

"We are grown up."

Instead of answering, Nico shoved his body up against Will's front with his face in the crook of his neck and groaned. Loudly. "I want to go to bed!"

He didn't care that he sounded like a child throwing a tantrum, not even when a woman walked by followed by two actual children with judgemental looks on their small faces. He just burrowed farther into Will's warmth and tried to keep his eyes open.

"I know, baby," Will said, threading his fingers through Nico's hair comfortingly. Nico could feel the bastard checking the dates on the hamburger behind him. "Alright, let's find the spaghetti and spaghetti sauce."

Reluctantly, Nico unburied himself from Will and followed the blond through the store, wondering idly when pasta turned into spaghetti. He was still wondering when Will said, "Where the hell is the pasta stuff?"

Nico finally looked up from Will's back to see that they'd made it all the way back to the front of the store. The automatic doors swooshed open behind them. Will was still holding the raw hamburger.

"Did you try the Italian section?" Nico asked, partially serious. He really was exhausted (and hadn't been paying attention during their impromptu tour of the store).

"Yes," Will bit out. "Did I miss it somehow?"

"Probably." Nico sighed. "Why don't we just get takeout?"

He should've known that would only serve to make Will more determined.

"No," he said, squaring his shoulders. "Let's go."

They walked through the food sections again, and Will checked every aisle up and down. This time, they found the spaghetti noodles, but not the pasta sauce.

("Who doesn't keep the sauce with the noodles?" Will asked in a strained voice.

"Crazy people. Let's go home.")

By the time they made it back to the front, Nico was tripping over his feet. "Babe, can we just go home? I know you're tired, too."

Will, gods bless him, shook his head despite the bags under his eyes. He'd been off that day, but he'd still done a lot of work, and they weren't as in shape as they had been at camp. "No. I'm gonna find it."

Nico didn't try to stop him this time. "Fine, but I'm staying here."

Will nodded and ducked back into the aisles. When he came back 10 minutes later, he was triumphantly holding up two cans of spaghetti sauce.

Nico cheered. "Yay!" He grabbed Will by the arm and steered him toward the doors. "Let's go."

Laughing, Will pulled him back toward the checkout. "We still have to pay."

This time, Nico fell forward onto Will's shoulder with a great huff. "Why?" he whined. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong with shoplifting a little food from a (probably) multimillion dollar chain store.

"Because we are functional members of mortal society." Nico gave him a disbelieving look. "Fine. If we get arrested for shoplifting, we could lose our jobs."

Nico rolled his eyes but didn't stop Will from paying for their food, though he did feel a little smug when the cashier gave them a dirty look. Homophobe or tired, overworked customer service employee, Nico maintained that they should have just left.

Once out of the store, Will turned to Nico and said, "Yay, spaghetti," in a decidedly monotone voice unfit for the joys of the squiggly tomato pasta.

Nico glanced at his watch and raised an eyebrow. "Do you really still wanna do that?"

Will shrugged. "I don't wanna give up after all that."

"It's 9:15."

Will's eyes widened. "To McDonald's!"

This time, Nico cheered for real.

-

A half an hour and a trip to McDonald's later, the two sat on the floor of their brand new living room surrounded by half empty boxes, Nico's back resting on Will's chest.

Will took a bite of a chicken nugget. "This was a really good idea."

"I know," Nico said, mouth full of his last bite of burger. "Now shush." Finally, he closed his eyes and rested his cheek on Will's right peck, pulling their orange and purple quilt (courtesy of Sally) farther up himself and smiling when he felt Will's hand come up to cup his neck. They hadn't time to set their bed up, so he didn't feel bad about passing out on top of Will on the stiff black carpet.

Of course, when his alarm went off at five the next morning and he felt the awful crick in his neck, he had a different perspective.

[heytherejulia]

Happy birthday my love ~ H.H.

pairing: harry holland x reader

summary: it's your boyfriend's birthday

warnings: pregnancy, swearing

word count: 1,4k+

Happy birthday Harry and Sam!

It wasn’t another normal Tuesday, although it kind of felt like it. However it was not only valentine’s day but also your boyfriend Harry and his twin Sam’s 24th birthday. Harry was out of town as usual working with Tom so there wasn’t that much partying and celebrating besides facetime dinner with all of the Hollands, best friends and partners and maybe a facetime date with Harry later that night if you’ll be lucky. 

You wanted to visit him but your shitty boss didn’t give you your well deserved week off so the best you could do was a video call and forcing Tom into giving Harry the gift you bought for him months before. 

It really bugged you that you couldn’t be with Harry on such a special day but it was beyond your powers, so you decided to do anything you could to make his day at least enjoyable. 

You called him first thing in the morning with wishes and spent around two hours just talking and catching up on the last few days when you weren’t exactly able to talk that much because of Harry’s busy schedule. 

‘I really wish I could be there with you, I’m sorry I didn’t make it babe.’

‘It’s not your fault love, we’re gonna make it up when I'm back.’ 

His smile wasn’t the brightest but you still could see the sparkles in his eyes. It made you both happy and sad, you really missed your baby.

‘I really hope you’re gonna have fun with Tom today, and don’t forget about the facetime dinner with all of us, your mum and dad really look forward to it.’ 

‘Yeah, I remember, look I gotta go now, we’re gonna talk later right?’ 

‘Of course, have fun tonight. I love you.’ 

‘I know, I love you too. See you at dinner’

Before you could say anything the line went silent. Harry’s voice stayed with you for the whole day. Why did he say ‘see you at dinner’? Did he mean over the phone or was it just a misspoke? Either way you spent your day helping Nikki with the dinner and getting ready. Harry wasn’t going to be there but you still wanted to be dressed nicely for the occasion. 

Right before the dinner you heard a doorbell. Everyone stopped in their tracks because you haven’t expected anyone else besides Harrison and Grace and Sam’s girlfriend, Clark who were already at your place. 

You went to the door with the feeling it’s just your neighbor who needed to borrow some sugar. You opened the door and indeed saw your neighbor Milly. 

‘You need to borrow some more sugar?’ 

She looked embarrassed. The thing about her was that she baked when her anxiety was kicking in and always forgot to buy extra pack of sugar or any other sweetener. 

‘If you don’t mind’ 

‘No, of course not, let me just grab it real quick.’

You came to the kitchen and saw the hope in everyone’s eyes. You felt terrible to crush it. 

‘My neighbor needs some sugar.’ 

You saw the sadness filling the room. 

‘Hey, maybe try to call them already, I’ll be back in a minute.’

Sam took his phone out and you went towards the door. 

‘Here’s the su-’

‘Hi darling.’

And here outside of your door stood not only Milly but also Tom and your beloved boyfriend. 

‘OH MY GOD’

You flung towards him and hugged him tightly. 

‘You’re here, your family is going to be so happy. C’mon guys.’ 

You greeted Tom and rushed them into the living room. You heard happy screams and your heart swelled. He was home for his birthday with his family, it was all you wanted since the beginning. Your eyes filled with happy tears. 

You handed Milly the pack. 

‘Let me know if the cake turns out good.’

‘You got it. And have fun!’ 

When you entered the kitchen to finish cooking you sighed deeply. For some reason your mind went into panic mode. Your second present for Harry was still in your bottom drawer waiting for the right time but now the closer it got, the more nervous you were.

You heard footsteps and felt someone’s presence behind you. You turned around just to peek at whoever came in. 

‘Tom. Why aren’t you with your fam?’

‘Wanted to talk to you.’

‘Oh.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, everything’s fine, I’m just slightly nervous about the dinner.’

‘I’m not talking about this. You know what I mean. When do you want to tell him? When it’s out there?’ 

‘Cut it, Holland. It’s none of your business.’ 

‘Of course it is. It’s my brother and you’re like a sister to me. I’m just looking after you all’

‘I’m not ready, okay? It's a big thing, I don’t want to throw it on him on his birthday especially now that he’s so stressed with work.’

‘Do you really think that you will find a better time? There’s not gonna be the perfect one. Just think about it.’

He squeezed your shoulder and came back to the living room. You finished at the kitchen and brought all of the food to the table. 

‘Come on, let’s eat.’ 

The dinner was really nice, talking, joking, telling stories about the twins when they were kids, catching up. You remained quiet most of the time enjoying the happiness of your loved ones. Yet the closer it’s been getting to the moment you stay alone with Harry, the more stressed you’ve become. 

Around midnight all of your guests started to head out. You bid your farewell and went back inside to clean up a mess after the dinner. After a few minutes you heard Harry entering the kitchen. You were doing the dishes when he came behind you and wrapped his hands around your tummy. 

‘Hi darling.’ 

‘Hi.’

‘C’mon. Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day for both of us.’

‘I can’t, I need to clean this up.’ 

‘No no no no. WE can’t clean this up tomorrow after we spend our well deserved time together.’ 

‘Technically it’s already tomorrow, baby.’

‘Imma force you to come with me if you won’t do that voluntarily.’ 

He squeezed you harder and tried to lift you but you stopped him. 

‘Don’t do that.’ 

‘Why? What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing, just please don’t.’ 

‘Okay, love. Can we go to bed now?’ 

You nodded and followed him into your room. You both got ready to bed and got under the duvet. You were lying on your back and Harry was on his side playing with your hair. There were a few minutes of silence between you two when he spoke up. 

‘Is everything alright love? You’ve been quite distant today. Are you sure you’re okay?’ 

‘Yeah I just… I’ve got you a present.’ 

He smiled adorably at you. 

‘You know you didn’t have to, right?’ 

‘I do but you mean so much to me and deserve a world. Happy birthday and I love you.’ 

‘I love you too. C'mere.’ 

He sat you on his lap while opening the box. It was just a camera equipment you knew he wanted and you saw the pure adoration of his eyes when he looked up at you. 

‘Thank you, my love.’ 

He leaned in and kissed you gently but soon the kiss started to be way more passionate. His hands roamed around your body settling them on your waist under your (his) shirt. You pushed his lips out of your neck. He looked at you with concern. 

‘I’ve got something else for you.’ 

You reached for a small box in your drawer and handed it to him. 

‘What’s that?’ 

‘Just open it.’ 

He did as you told and opened the box. Inside was a positive pregnancy test. Your positive pregnancy test. His face was blank and you couldn’t read any emotions which made you even more nervous. 

‘Is this real or is this just a prank?’ 

‘It’s real.’ 

Silence. 

‘Look if you don’t want this you don’t have to stick around, I know it’s shitty timing but I figured you at least deserve to know.’ 

Silence. 

You were terrified. You’d rather prefer him to get mad and yell at you than the silence and uncertainty what next. 

‘Y/N’ 

You looked at him. 

‘I want this. With you. I love you and I’m not giving up on neither of you.’ 

Your eyes filled with tears. 

‘Hey, don’t cry, baby. It’s okay, come here.’ 

He held you close while you silently talked about your pregnancy. Some time after you both lied down. Harry spooned you and kept his hand on your still flat stomach. 

‘I’m scared Harry.’ 

‘I know. I’m scared too. But it’s okay, we’ll figure it out. Seriously, we’ll be fine. Get some sleep, sweetheart, it’s been one hell of a day huh?’

‘Yeah. Good night, baby.’ 

He kissed the back of your head. 

‘Night, love’ 

[broccoliboix5peepeeman]

Midoriya-sensei AU

Part 13: Kacchan

Part 12 | Ao3 | Part 14

Look... these past few manga chapters have really fucked with me and some parts of this fic and I'm super mad about it, but alas canon can go fuck itself. Also unreq tdbk lost the poll *sad trombone noise* Anymoo, happy Mido-sensei Monday [is actually tuesday now bc I fell asleep proof-reading] - I hope you enjoy ❤️ TWs for this chapter include: -PTSD -Breakdowns and dissociation -Self-loathing -Accidental injury

'Honey? What time are you going out?'

Upon hearing his mother's question, Izuku removed his headphones and turned to face her.

He was currently cluttering the dining table with his hero analysis notebooks, along with his laptop. Shoto had hired a new sidekick recently—who could adjust the temperature of anything they touched—so naturally, Izuku had spent the morning analysing the quirk in detail. He was heading to Himura Agency soon to visit Shoto, so he wanted to finish up so he could take his notebook with him.

'In about fifteen minutes.' He double-checked the time, confirming his response. 'Why?'

'Do you not want to start getting ready?' She tilted her head to the side with concern. 'I don't want you rushing.'

'I'm nearly done, it's okay.' He assured gently, albeit he could definitely understand where she was coming from. Once he got into his flow state, it was difficult emerging from the other side. 'I'm just gonna finish this page, and then I'll clean up. I've already got my bag ready, and I don't need to get changed.'

He patted his yellow backpack, situated under the table, and smiled. 'Satisfied?'

'Yeah, alright.' She huffed, good-naturedly. 'I just don't want you stressing. I know what you're like. Plus, last time, you rushed out so quickly that I had to clean the table for you.'

'That was one time!' He cried dramatically. 'And I said I was sorry! When will the suffering end?'

'Never.' His mother flashed him a serious expression, before her joking smile resurfaced. 'Anyway, I'm going to the library to return a book for one of my patients. Have fun!'

'You too! If you see Himura-san, tell her I said hi.' Izuku picked up his pen and resumed writing.

'Oh, Todoroki-san's mother?' She paused, stroking her chin, before seemingly realising something. 'Wait, the nice lady with the white hair is their mother? Why didn't you tell me sooner?'

'I assumed you'd figured it out by the fact that Shoto's agency is named after her?' Izuku answered slowly. 'And that she and Fuyumi look really similar.'

'You hush now!' She pouted, walking past him to go put her shoes on. 'I can't believe we could've been sharing embarrassing childhood stories together this whole time. I should go to the library more often. Better make up for lost time.'

'Wait, hang on-'

'Byeee!'

Izuku grumbled as the door shut behind his mother, but didn't dwell on it too much. In truth, he didn't mind what the two women spoke about—he was old enough now where he wasn't affected by people knowing about his All Might obsession, which was his mother's main go-to when it came to embarrassing him—he was just glad they had the opportunity to maybe become friends.

He continued his analysis for another five minutes, before using all of his self-restraint to call it a day and tidy everything away. Once packed up, he grabbed his bag, put on his red shoes, then left the apartment.

It was a decent walk to Himura Agency—around thirty-five minutes—but Izuku wouldn't begrudge a little exercise. The streets weren't particularly busy, a normal amount of bustle for a Sunday, so he weaved through the crowds with relative ease. Once the agency was in his sights, he felt a small smile grace his face, glad of the familiarity.

However, just as he was about to enter, his path was blocked by someone else leaving.

Izuku stepped to the side politely—using the time to quickly type out a message to Shoto, to let him know he was here—but the person continued to shadow over him. He pointedly didn't make eye contact, but frowned at the inconvenience. Why were they standing in the way?

'Deku.'

Instinctively, Izuku flinched so violently that he dropped his phone and jumped a couple of steps backwards.

That voice.

He finally looked up at the person he'd been patiently waiting to pass, only to find spiked blonde hair, familiar red eyes, and an orange and green hero suit that was featured on so many sports brands throughout Japan, he'd have to be living under a rock to miss it.

The hero Dynamight was a household name, after all, but it wasn't him who was addressing Izuku at that moment.

'K-Kach-chan?' The way his voice broke was humiliating, as was the way his body immediately began shaking. For years, he’d been conditioned to react a certain way under the scrutiny of his childhood bully; it made him sick to know their decade apart hadn't changed that in the slightest. ‘W-W-What are you doing here?’

A stupid question. There was a clear reason why the number five hero was just leaving the agency of the number two. ‘Ah, you don’t have to answer that. Of course, it’s obvious why you’re here. In fact, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here, as that’s certainly more out of the ordinary. It’s just, I didn’t expect to see you as it’s been years and I’ll stop talking now. I’m sorry.’

Kacchan sighed. Izuku closed his eyes with a wince, anticipating a hit. However, it never came.

‘It has been a while.’

Hesitantly, he opened one eye to find Kacchan regarding him with a mixture of emotions; his eyes were squinted in his usual displeased manner, albeit the anger that had typically manifested when they were children was absent. Izuku wasn’t sure whether that made him more or less nervous.

The silence was agonising, yet he kept his lips sealed. He knew better than to start talking and risk suffering Kacchan’s wrath. Wistfully, he hoped Shoto would read his message and come out to meet him before anything could get out of hand.

Kacchan sighed again. ‘I was actually hoping to run into you at some point. I could’ve reached out sooner, but it would've been weird tracking you down.’

Izuku tilted his head to the side.

‘What?’

‘Don’t sound so shocked.’ As soon as he said it, it became evident that Kacchan knew that what he was ordering was unreasonable. He shook his head. ‘Look, we need to talk. Are you free now?’

Izuku’s head thudded and his stomach dropped with anxiety; he could feel adrenaline pulsing through his body. In the past, he'd learnt the hard way that going somewhere alone with Kacchan was never a good idea—not that he'd ever really had much of a choice in their teen years. Now, he was being given a choice, yet it still felt like an illusion: he knew Kacchan well enough to know that “no” wasn’t an option.

‘I’m just about to see Shoto-kun.’ He pointed towards the agency, hoping that an excuse would be met better than an outright rejection. ‘I don’t really want to keep him waiti-’

‘You know Half n Half?’ Kacchan frowned for the briefest of moments, before bending down to pick up Izuku's discarded phone. ‘Doesn’t matter. Look, it won’t take long. Come on.’

Before he could protest further, a large hand grabbed his tricep and guided him past the building and down the side alley. Izuku tried to level his breathing—in, two, three, four, and out, two, three, four—to prevent him hyperventilating and entering a panic attack. He couldn’t show any weakness right now; he had to be brave.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. He can’t hurt you, he’s a hero now. He tried to reason, desperately trying to ignore the other voice that reminded him of everything Endeavour had done to his family whilst working as a hero; of everything that had happened when they were children in the name of Kacchan wanting to be a hero.

He yearningly eyed his phone, still grasped in Kacchan’s hand. There was no calling for help. He was stuck.

After they passed some bins, he was finally released. 'That'll do.'

Izuku's back faced the wall, and he stared up at his old bully. He never did grow much taller; he still had the same colour trainers, and a backpack containing hero analysis notebooks. And of course, he was still quirkless, whereas Kacchan still defined himself through his explosions. Sure, he wasn't as over-excited and sadistic as he used to be, and his face had matured, but that didn't change facts.

Izuku was afraid.

It felt reminiscent of their middle school days: backed into a corner with nowhere to run, while Kacchan threatened to use his quirk on him. The only differences now were that they were older and one of them had a hero licence; and while he was hesitant to admit it, Izuku was also a lot stronger than he had been back then. Briefly, he entertained the thought that maybe—maybe—he could take Kacchan in a fight…

If the latter didn't have a quirk at his disposal.

'You wanted to talk?' He prompted, hoping the other would take the hint and explain, instead of just staring at him. 'What is it?'

'I can't just come out and say it!' Kacchan snapped, albeit there was little bite in it. He rubbed his brow. 'I just… Give me a sec.'

Izuku didn't have much of a choice, so he stayed where he was—body poised and ready to bolt at a moment’s notice—as Kacchan gathered his words.

'I did a lot of thinking over the years, about the way I treated you.' He started, slowly. 'I fucked up. I was a piece of shit.'

Izuku said nothing; he frowned, confused.

Where is this going?

Kacchan let out a frustrated groan.

'I realise now—why I did everything that I did. It's just, you were obviously meant to be behind me... but in a lot of ways, it also felt like you were ahead of me too.' Kacchan paused. 'I didn't like it. I didn't want to see you, so I bullied you to get away from you; to feel superior. I was scared… scared of you. Not in a prissy way obviously, but I hated how… stupidly heroic you were. You'd put yourself in stupid situations to try and help people and it made me mad, because it was supposed to be me whose body moved without thinking. I wanted to protect you from yourself, put you back in your place before you went and killed yourself, but I was wrong for what I did.

'I got my way back then, you failed at becoming a hero, yet I failed in my own goal. I wanted to be on top—I still do—but in order to do that, I have to get better. I have to recognise my mistakes and atone.

'So, that being said. Dek- Izuku… I wanted to apologise.' Kacchan hung his head. 'For everything I did to you.'

Izuku's body shook, whilst his heart pounded against his chest—so violent it hurt; his nails dug into his palms from how hard he was clenching his fists. He didn't know what to think—which probably reflected in his dumbfounded expression—it just didn't make sense. All these years, he'd had nothing, then suddenly… this? Kacchan was… sorry?

'Ha. Good one, Kacchan.' He laughed hollowly, then quickly slipped past the blonde with the intention of leaving. If this was some kind of elaborate prank, then he wanted to get a head start before he became the punchline. 'You almost had me. Anyway, nice seeing you, but I really have to go.'

'I mean it.' Kacchan didn't shout, but his voice carried; firm. 'I'm sorry.'

Izuku stilled, throat swelling as he forced his emotions to remain at bay. At first, he wouldn't—couldn't—believe it, but now he was faced with reality: Kacchan was actually apologising.

He wanted to ignore him. He wanted to keep walking. He wanted to forget this ever happened.

He didn't do any of that.

'You're not serious?' Izuku murmured, lips feeling foreign, as he turned around to face him. 'Is this a joke?'

Kacchan met his eyes and growled.

'Do I look like I'm fucking joking?!'

Izuku's arms shot up to protect himself, but the threat never came.

'Shit.' Kacchan at least had the decency to look guilty. 'Calm down, I'm not gonna hit you, and I'm not joking. I mean it.'

Izuku slowly lowered his arms.

He was conflicted. He knew he should be happy with the apology—it should be cathartic and he should admire how much Kacchan had grown. The right thing to do would be to forgive him, but as compassionate as people thought him to be and as much as he tried to be kind, resentment sprouted from the pit of his stomach.

'Why?'

'Why?' Kacchan echoed, sounding physically pained. 'I just told you why! It was a whole speech!'

Izuku's pulse drummed against his temples; his jaw clenched. Distantly, he heard a vibration.

'Cut the bullshit.' The words were out of his mouth before he could comprehend them.

'Hah?!' Kacchan started to exclaim, then caught himself, lowering the volume. 'It's not bullshit.'

'It is. It's all excuses.' Izuku gripped his hair and shook his head, surprised by his own nerve. He wanted to tell his brain to shut up. He wanted to forget this interaction all together—what was he doing? 'If you're s-sorry, then just say it. Don't try to justify it.'

'But I need you to understand why.' Kacchan argued, like it was obvious. 'I was trying to-'

'You've had a long time to think about this, to try and rationalise it.' Izuku interrupted, eye twitching from barely-repressed anxiety. He couldn't get his voice to stop trembling. 'But at the end of the day, Kacchan, y-you bullied me because I was- am quirkless.'

This time, it wasn't him who flinched.

'That's… that's not…'

'Isn't it?' He smiled wobbly. 'It wasn’t because I was useless D-Deku who couldn't fight back?'

His throat closed up, betraying him. 'I was an easy target. You say wanted to protect me from myself? You were my worst nightmare, and we both know that if I had a quirk, you wouldn't have done what you did.'

He had so many scars, so much mental baggage that he was still unravelling with his therapist after several years. He might not look after himself as well as he should sometimes, but that was irrelevant right now; it was always the same insults being thrown at him.

Useless, quirkless Deku.

'You d-don't need to pretend you did it with honourable intentions.' He shook his head slowly. 'If you genuinely regret what you did, just tell me. I might not have much self-preservation… but I don't think I deserve excuses.'

He bit his lip, waiting for a reaction. Initially, Kacchan remained silent, staring at him. Izuku wasn't sure if he was thinking of a response or waiting for something. Again, he could hear an indiscernible vibration.

'Okay.' Kacchan finally responded. 'No excuses… I- I'm sorry.'

A beat passed, then another. Izuku wanted to feel something, yet his mind—despite the adrenaline going through his body—felt numb.

'I accept your apology.' He forced his mouth to move, keeping his resolve. 'Th-'

'Midoriya?'

His head whipped around so fast his neck clicked. Shoto was walking towards them, slightly rushed and phone in hand. The first aid supplies on his belt clicked together from the momentum, as did his boots against the concrete.

When he came to a stop in front of Izuku, those dichromatic eyes scanned him carefully. 'Are you okay?'

He nodded, not trusting this voice.

Shoto's shoulders slumped with relief, then looked past Izuku to see who he was with. His eyes immediately narrowed. 'Bakugou? What are you doing here?'

Kacchan scoffed.

'Dek- u- Izuku and I were just having a private conversation.' He answered brashly. 'None of your fucking business, Half n Half.'

Shoto stepped past Izuku, putting himself between him and the blonde. It was almost a defensive shield, which he had to admit, he was grateful for.

'Then why have you got Midoriya's phone?'

Izuku's eyes widened—the vibration sound he had been hearing on and off—Shoto had been ringing him this entire time?

'Because he dropped it.' Kacchan stepped forward, holding out the device, which Izuku hesitantly took. 'Fuck off with the interrogation, Todoroki. I thought you hated cops, so stop sounding like one.'

'I don't need to be a pig to worry about my friend.' Shoto quipped, before switching his gaze to Izuku. 'Midoriya, are you ready to go or should I give you another few minutes?'

The idea of spending another few minutes alone with Kacchan was enough to make him feel nauseous, but he also didn’t want to convey that in his answer.

Don’t cry. Be brave. Don’t show them how weak you are.

‘Yeah, I’m ready now.’ He spoke quietly. ‘We’re done now, right, Kacchan?’

Crimson eyes regarded him carefully, before he waved his hand dismissively.

‘Whatever. I’ve said everything I needed to say anyway. I’m going home.’ Kacchan strode past them, towards the main street. However, before he could disappear completely, he called back. 'I've changed, Izuku. I won't ask you to believe me, but just… watch me, and I'll prove it to you.'

Izuku didn't reply, other than a slight nod of acknowledgement, and Kacchan made his exit with a grunt. Now that they were left alone, he felt a new sense of numbness wash over him; his eyes glazed over; his muscles refused to move.

Panic consumed him briefly. He didn't know what was happening. He didn't feel in control of his own body, yet instead of fighting it, all he could do was succumb to the way his senses slowly shut down. His mind soon followed after, rescinding the last of his perceived independent thoughts.

Powerless. Useless Deku. Weak-

‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Shoto was in front of him again, but Izuku couldn’t focus. It took several seconds of silence before his friend cursed. ‘Shit, okay. Let’s get you up to my office… Can you still hear me?'

He couldn’t speak, but he did manage a slight nod.

'That's good. Okay, one more question: are you comfortable with me carrying you?’

Izuku nodded again, eyes falling shut of their own accord. He wasn't sure why he was acting this way—his episodes usually manifested into hyperactivity—but he couldn't even begin to analyse his behaviour right now. All he could do was focus on Shoto's body as the hero guided him into a piggyback and lifted him up with a slight grunt.

His arms rested on Shoto’s shoulders, while the strong hands under his legs held him up. Izuku's chest pressed against his friend's back—he tried to concentrate on the temperature contrast, which manifested into him resting his forehead against the left crook of Shoto's neck.

The warmth felt safe.

Had he not been stuck in his head, Izuku would have definitely panicked over their proximity. Instead, his body welcomed the touch with open arms; it was grounding. It also helped that Shoto didn't stiffen or reject him. He encouraged Izuku.

'I won't drop you, but try to hold on.' He murmured gently. 'Ready?'

When Izuku nodded, Shoto bent his knees, then jumped into the air, using fire from his left foot to send them higher. It didn't take long before they landed on the agency balcony, and Shoto slid open the door to his office.

Izuku kept his face firmly pressed against his friend's neck, until he was gently coaxed to sit down on the tatami floor and shed his backpack from his shoulders. He felt significantly lighter without it—his body had gotten used to the weight—but he didn't let the uncanny feeling linger for long, before he returned to nothing.

'I'm still here.' Shoto assured him gently. 'Just give me one second.'

The world was bright when Izuku tried opening his eyes in response, and he winced. Before he could squeeze them shut and resign himself to darkness again, Shoto pulled the hanging curtain framing the balcony door half-shut, bathing them in a dimmer, manageable light.

Izuku exhaled—the closest he could come to conveying his thanks—then watched as Shoto moved around the room, looking in drawers, on shelves and even Izuku's own backpack. Eventually, when his friend approached him once more and knelt in front of him, his arms were full.

'I've got some things that I know help me when I have a catatonic breakdown.' He shuffled slightly. 'I know this probably isn't the same, but yeah. And I know it's rude, but I also got some stuff from your bag because you've mentioned before that you have comfort items in there. Try to let me know if you're uncomfortable with anything.'

Shoto waited a moment, before taking two large pillows, placing them behind Izuku and switching on a remote, which made them start vibrating softly—like a purring cat. He then picked up a fluffy cream blanket and wrapped it around Izuku's body like a cape, making sure to cover most of his front too.

Izuku found himself leaning back against the materials, which cushioned the wall behind him, as Shoto started playing rain sounds from a portable speaker. He then handed Izuku his favourite All Might-themed stress ball that he always carried with him.

It was practically a reflex, the way his hand closed around it and started squeezing.

‘Th-Thanks.’ He spoke, matching each syllable with his wrist movements. It wasn’t much, but it was progress. ‘Helps.’

‘I’m glad.’ His friend replied. ‘Do you want to stay like this for a while, or do you want to try some grounding exercises?’

Izuku was aware enough to recognise that he wanted to escape this feeling as quickly as he could, but realistically, he knew that he needed a little longer.

‘F-few minutes.’

‘Okay.’ Shoto slowly got to his feet. ‘I’ll just be at my desk doing some paperwork. I'm not on-call, so take as much time as you need… unless there's suddenly a national emergency.’

On a normal day, Izuku would've laughed.

For the next half an hour, the office was quiet, if not for Shoto's fingers on the keyboard and the tropical storm playing from the speakers. Izuku, for the most part, clung onto the mindlessness—not wanting to acknowledge what had happened nor what was currently happening—but soon, his internal monologue started to resurface; it never liked being quiet for long.

He supposed he'd have to face everything sooner or later.

‘Shoto?’

His friend looked up from his computer, then locked the screen and approached him once more. He sat down in front of Izuku, crossing his legs and tucking his hair behind his ears.

‘You ready to do some grounding exercises?’ He waited for Izuku’s nod, before continuing. ‘Okay, you probably know this one, but can you tell me five things you can see?’

He did know this exercise—he’d applied it to both himself and his students in the past—so the familiarity was comforting.

‘Y-you.’ He started with the obvious. ‘Bookcase… bonsai tree… computer… charred table.’

‘Good job, but don’t worry about the chabudai.’ Shoto’s cheeks darkened slightly. ‘Four things you can feel?’

Izuku had always been sensitive to touch, despite what his high pain tolerance might've implied, so he felt more confident with this one.

‘Stress ball, blanket, pillows… tatami.’

‘That was a lot quicker.’ Shoto furrowed his brow. ‘It’s good touch, right?’

‘Yeah.’ The corner of Izuku's lips quirked up for a moment in an attempt to be reassuring. 'Thank you.'

His friend nodded his head in acknowledgement.

'Three things you can hear?'

'Your voice.' He began, without giving it much thought. 'The rain noises… and my own voice.'

He was slowly starting to feel more like himself—his movements became fluid as he squeezed the stress ball, and his eyes were more focused than they had been. It wasn’t like being trapped in a bubble, it was more like a viscous liquid had been clouding his surroundings and was finally starting to evaporate.

'Two things you can smell?'

'Peppermint.' Courtesy of the teapot next to him. 'And you. The room smells like you.'

He desperately wished his filter would return before he could embarrass himself further. Luckily, Shoto didn’t seem to mind the comment.

‘That makes sense. After all, I’m the only one who works in this room.’ He paused for a few beats. 'Okay, last one: one thing you can taste? Don't worry if you can't think of anything. You've done really well.'

Usually, when Izuku was the one asking, he skipped that final sense. After all, most people would just reply with a confused “the inside of my mouth?”, but he supposed it was worth acknowledging.

'I…’ He paused as his taste buds identified iron. ‘I can… I can taste blood?'

Ignoring Shoto’s concerned look, Izuku poked his tongue around his mouth, until he found a freshly bitten wound. 'I must've started chewing the inside of my cheek at some point without realising… It happens a lot, I just don't usually register what I'm doing till after the damage is done, but it's nothing to worry about.'

His friend’s worry didn’t seem to dissipate upon hearing that, but after a few moments, he ultimately decided to let the issue slide.

‘That’s a conversation for another day.’ Izuku wasn’t sure which of them Shoto was promising that to. 'At least you're more vocal now. How do you feel?'

That was a loaded question. How was Izuku supposed to begin answering that?

Shoto seemed to read his thoughts. ‘That was a bad question. I’ll be more specific, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when I ask, “how do you feel”?’

‘Shit.’ Izuku snorted without mirth. However, that seemed to be the gateway for an elaboration. ‘I’ve never reacted this way before. It’s always been more erratic, not… yeah. I hated it. I couldn’t control my body.’

‘I can understand that.’ Shoto was earnest. ‘The first time it happened to me was during a training session with Endeavour when I was a child. The stress was too much, so my body shut down… only okaasan could get me out of it, but it took hours. I barely remember it, only that I was scared.’

‘That sounds awful.’ Izuku lowered his eyes.

‘Yeah, but my point isn’t to gain your sympathy, it’s to show that you’re not alone.’ Shoto paused. ‘You can talk to me… about anything.’

Izuku gnawed the inside of his cheek, before forcing himself to stop damaging the already wounded area.

He trusted Shoto—he really did—but he didn’t deserve to listen to Izuku’s turmoil; his friend had gone through so much worse that his own struggles paled in comparison. However, he remembered some of their earlier conversations, and how Shoto never flinched when he’d explained his failed dream of becoming a hero. He thought about all the times his friend had been open with him and accommodating when he spoke.

Izuku trusted Shoto… so maybe he should trust that he knew what he was signing up for.

‘I just… seeing him again after so long and with no warning.’ He began, trying to piece his words together. ‘I told myself to just get through the interaction, but I didn’t expect to spiral like this.’

‘I should’ve told you he was at the agency.’ Shoto pursed his lips, guilty. ‘It wasn’t scheduled in or anything, but when he showed up, I should’ve messaged you.’

‘It’s not your responsibility—you didn’t know I’d react that way. Plus, if I’m your friend then I guess I should’ve been prepared to run into him at some point.’ Izuku was quick to argue, but when he took a breath, he couldn’t help but sigh. ‘As you’re probably aware, we weren’t exactly best friends… Well, we used to be, before his quirk came in and I was diagnosed as quirkless.’

Shoto nodded deliberately, prompting Izuku to continue.

‘I used to follow him around a lot—he was familiar, and I didn’t really understand that I wasn’t wanted anymore—and soon, Kacchan started to make it more obvious that he didn’t want me around. He had a lot more friends—ones with cool quirks that would obey him—and I was… pushed around a lot.'

He intentionally omitted the specific details: verbal taunts and physical attacks. He didn't want to incriminate Kacchan more than he already had. After all, it was in the past now.

Izuku pressed his palms to his eyes. 'I just… I admired him so much—he had a great quirk and the bravery of a hero, and we both loved All Might—but… but I hated him.'

His voice turned into a whisper. 'I really did, and that somehow made everything worse because I really tried not to. Heroes aren’t meant to hate people… But I kept trying to placate him, hoping that he’d leave me be, but when it came to applying for high schools, I just couldn't simply make him happy.’

'He told you not to apply for UA, right?' Shoto asked, albeit it was obvious he knew the answer.

'Yeah.' Izuku replied anyway. 'Things got unbearable when I refused. The things he'd say, the things he'd do.' He swallowed thickly. 'It doesn't matter. When he got into UA and I didn't, that was it. Everyone laughed at me, because I never stood a chance in the first place. After we graduated, I never saw him again… until today.'

Ten years…

It had been so long, and as much as he tried to forget, he couldn't. He still had nightmares; he still flinched at loud, sharp noises; he still struggled with his self-worth.

He still had the scars.

His throat prickled, but he persevered, pulling back and staring at his hands instead of Shoto; he couldn’t bear to see his reaction just yet. 'He took me down that alley—I didn't want to, but I felt like I didn't have a choice—and I thought he was going to hurt me; follow through with one of his old threats- I shouldn't say that.'

He sighed, frustrated at himself. 'Anyway, instead… he apologised to me. Actually apologised. Like, it wasn’t a joke! I should've been happy. I should've forgiven him.'

Izuku dared not continue that sentence. Admitting it out loud would just solidify that he was a bad person.

'But you couldn't forgive him.'

Izuku broke.

For the first time today, tears built up, breaking the surface tension and running down his face without restraint. An accompanying sob escaped his lips and Izuku finally allowed himself to cry. It wasn’t loud or dramatic, like his reputation implied: he brought his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his arms to muffle his already quiet sounds—just like when he was little and tried not to draw attention to himself.

Part of his mind was screaming that even this was too much; he couldn't cry like this in front of anyone, not alone Todoroki Shoto. What would he think of him? How could Izuku show just how weak and pathetic he really was?

Yet those thoughts only led to more tears; more baggage to throw onto the already crushing pile.

He held his breath then, trying desperately to quell the crying, but it was futile. He only succeeded in making himself lightheaded and congested. His nose started to run and saliva built up in his mouth.

'I don't know how best to help you.' His friend admitted, just loud enough to be heard over Izuku's own thoughts. 'But I do know that it's okay to cry. I'm not judging you.'

How was he supposed to respond to that? Shoto was so kind; so understanding. He wasn't disgusted or disdainful.

But he should be….

'Would you-' Shoto hesitated. '-erm, like a hug… or something?'

Izuku's eyes immediately shot up to stare at him, exposing his gross face in all its glory.

'W-w-what?'

Shoto didn't seem put off by the snot and tears, albeit he did rub the back of his neck awkwardly.

'A hug, would you like one?' He clarified, confirming that Izuku had indeed heard him correctly. 'It's just… I'm not good with words, but I know physical contact can help alleviate pain. So I thought I'd offer.'

If this were a typical day, Izuku would turn bright red, stutter so much that he couldn't get his words out, and probably overthink to the point of exhaustion. However, this wasn't a typical day; while his face was blotchy and his mind was both overthinking and exhausted, he couldn't fathom his awkward crush right now.

In front of him was his friend—whom he adored in a way so unique—offering comfort, and Izuku was starving.

'Please.' He whispered, blinking as more tears stained his cheeks. He then wrapped his arms around his thighs and rested his forehead against his knees.

He could hear Shoto shuffle closer until they were side-by-side. After a moment, he shifted the blanket to accommodate them both, and slowly wrapped his arms around Izuku; one hand splayed out across his back, while the other reached around the front to cup the side of Izuku's head. Shoto then gently guided him to lean against his chest.

Izuku's entire body moved with him, putting all his weight against his friend, who willingly shouldered the burden with ease. In fact, he even rested his cheek atop his curls.

The relief was instantaneous: his body relaxed—basking in the positive touch—and a fresh sob escaped his lips. Shoto rubbed his shoulder with encouragement; repetitive, but soothing.

Izuku wasn't sure how much time they spent that way—quiet if not for his muffled sniffling—before his friend spoke again.

'I won't pretend to know what you've been through.' He murmured, each word careful. 'So feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I think, if you can't forgive him now, that's okay.'

Reactively, Izuku opened his mouth to counter, albeit Shoto beat him to it.

'And if you can't forgive him in a few months, a few years or never, that's okay too.'

Izuku's words died on his tongue and he swallowed heavily. It was like the entire concept was new: he never even considered a scenario where it was acceptable not to forgive Kacchan. After all, it was what the world preached—forgiveness was part of being a hero.

A sudden thought emerged.

'Have you forgiven Endeavour for everything?' He asked quietly. 'Not that you need to tell me.'

Shoto didn't answer straight away, contemplating the question first.

'No.' While the answer was firm, his tone sounded thoughtful. ‘And that’s okay too. It doesn't make me less of a hero.’

‘You don’t think you’re a bad person because of it?’ Izuku’s eyes widened, and he shook his head, almost jumping out of Shoto’s hold. ‘Not that I’m implying that you’re a bad person! You’re a very kind person and I think you’re amazing! Just… that was a pointless question.’

Shoto blinked once, lowering his arms.

‘He’s changed, which I accept and welcome, and we've moved on, but that doesn’t erase the past and the damage he's caused. I’ve forgiven myself, and that's enough for me.’ He scratched his cheek. ‘So, no. I don’t think I’m bad.’

Izuku nodded slowly. It made perfect sense—it was similar to his situation Kacchan—but convincing himself and rationalising his thoughts was still arduous.

‘I think I understand.’ He wiped away his tears, feeling more at ease. ‘Sorry for being like this.’

‘You have nothing to apologise for.’ Shoto was adamant; unyielding. ‘I’m just glad I could help.’

His small smile ignited a fresh wave of emotion through Izuku—his usual flustered affection for Shoto returning in full force. Mentally, he kicked himself for pulling out of their hug sooner than necessary.

‘Y-you did. Thank you.’ He flashed his own wobbly smile. ‘You’re…’

Perfect, amazing, I think I’m fall-

‘A great friend.’ He finished, admiring Shoto’s reddening ears.

‘You too, Midoriya.’

Falling...

🔥🔥🔥

Me [1740]: Just fyi next time I see you I am going to personally ram my foot so far up your arse you’re shitting icicles for weeks

Bastard Gremlin [1742]: Fuck off Icyhot

Me [1743]: Like I knew you were an asshole but really?

Bastard Gremlin [1749]: Deku told you everything then

Me [1751]: Left out some finer details but yh

Me [1751]: Enough for me to piece together the rest

Bastard Gremlin [1752]: Why do you even care?

Bastard Gremlin [1752]: How do you even know him?

Me [1753]: He's my friend. That's all you need to know, so dont bother replying.

Shoto stared at the screen a moment longer. In truth, he wanted to say more, maybe even follow through with his initial message, but Midoriya would get upset, so Shoto reluctantly put his phone away. However, as soon as it was secured in his pocket, it buzzed again. Rolling his eyes, he took out the device, expecting a snarky retort.

Instead, he was met with a pleasant surprise.

Midoriya 🙏🔥 [1754]: Thank you for today, really

Me [1755]: You don't have to keep thanking me

Midoriya 🙏🔥 [1756]: I know but I want to

Shoto's lips twitched with fond amusement.

'Texting Midoriya again?' Fuyumi commented dryly, not even looking up from the homework she was marking next to him. 'You're both insufferable.'

'You started it.'

Me [1758]: You can thank me by relaxing and going to bed at a normal time tonight

Midoriya 🙏🔥 [1759]: I take it all back I hate u

Me [1759]: You love me 😇

Shoto paused then, cheeks heating up as he stared at his message. Why was he suddenly so warm? Why did anxiety pool in his stomach after he sent that message? Why was he getting more nervous the longer it took for a reply to come through?

He was just making friendly banter, like his old classmates taught him, yet it felt more significant when he was saying it to Midoriya.

Midoriya 🙏🔥 [1802]: I guesssssss 🙄

Shoto immediately felt himself relax; his stomach fluttering in a way that had started to become a common occurrence around his friend. He wasn’t sure if it was a bi-product of his quirk, now that he was using his fire more often, but it was strange that it was only when Midoriya was around.

Midoriya 🙏🔥 [1804]: Hey, I thought Id ask,you don’t have to or anything, but the HQA information session at the school is on tues and I was wondering, if you’re free, it’d be good to see you there? Even if you wore a disguise or something. Totally okay if not though!

Shoto tilted his head to the side, processing the message. He and Fuyumi had spoken about the session a lot over the past few weeks, but they'd given no indication that they wanted him there—why the change of heart?

'Fuyu-nee, Midoriya's inviting me to the HQA session.' He told his sister, not really sure what he was expecting her to say. 'Should I go?'

'I mean, you can if you want.' Fuyumi shrugged, albeit not dismissively. 'Whether it's supporting him or advocating your own knowledge, it might help. I certainly have no problem with it.'

Shoto nodded slowly in thanks, then turned back to his phone. He supposed in asking his sister, he was really just looking for validation, because of course, if Midoriya was inviting him to something, then he'd happily accept; he was just glad Fuyumi thought he was making the right choice.

Me [1807]: I'll be there :)

[hpdabbles]

Living Nightmares

There weren't many things Sirius expected to happen to him on a late Tuesday afternoon behind the walls of his childhood house, but finally losing his mind was not one of them.

He knew, logically, that he couldn't have gotten away from Azkaban without leaving behind bits of his sanity. For all the years he spent in that hellhole, Sirius is one of the lucky ones to have his psychotic break happen months after his escape.

He sighs, raising his bottle in a mockery of a toss at the image of his dead brother that just stumbled out of Regulus' old room, looking like no day has passed since his death.

It figures his mind chooses his little brother to torment him.

It must be because he came back to Grimmauld. Otherwise, Sirius thinks he needs to see Regulus. They hadn't been close towards the end even if regrets still eat at him from time to time.

"Who are you?" His brother sounds young. Then again, Sirius supposed Regulus never had the chance to have sound any other way.

Sirius tilts his head back, taking a long swing of the bottle. The liquor burns on its way down. A terrible side effect of forced sobriety that being locked up brought. Everything burns on the way down nowadays.

His brother comes closer, frowning heavily at him. "What are you doing here?"

Sirius ignores him, taking another long sip of his bottle. He misses his mouth, and the alcohol drips down his chin, splashing on his shirt collar. He swears, knowing the moment Molly sees- or instead smells him- she'll throw another long rant about how Sirius is unfit to care for Harry.

"Are you a Black?" Regulus asks, falling to a knee and squinting at him.

Sirius laughs, finding his hallucination asking such a stupid question he doesn't know what else to do. He laughs so hard his sides ache, his whole body shakes, and Sirius drops his bottle, not caring that it rolls away, spilling everything as it does.

Then his laughter breaks into pathetic sobs as he rocks back and forth when he sees his brother's alarmed face.

Regulus opens, then closes his mouth until he finally whispers enduring sounds. He was too gentle, always too gentle, but never strong enough to stand up for himself and leave this miserable place. "Is there someone I can call for you?"

"You're not real." Sirius manages to gasp.

"I beg your pardon?" Regulus asks.

"You're not real. I see things. You're one of them." Sirius tells his brother, fumbling blindly on the carpet for his bottle, wanting his mind too numb enough that Regulus will disappear. He wonders why he thought getting drunk in the hallway outside his brother's room was a good idea in the first place.

Of course, the floor here is the comfortest, but it's not worth it anymore. Sirius supposes he'll have to fund a new haunt.

"I can assure you I am real." The Hallucination says, which makes Sirius snort wetly.

"You are not."

"Uncle, I am not sure what has happened, but I can help if you allow me to," Regulus says, reaching down for his arm and helping him to his feet. Sirius laughs again, leaning heavily onto him.

"I'm your uncle now?"

"You are obviously a Black. I assume you are Uncle Marius or related to him." Regulus leads him down the hallway, careful to ensure Sirius doesn't slam against the walls with all his stumbling. He can appreciate that.

"Marius was a squib." Sirius tells him, blinking his eyes to get the shapes to stay still. "The Ancient and Noble House of Black doesn't want any squibs in it."

"I'm the head of the house now. I decide what the House of Black will and will not accept. You are a Black, magic or no magic. " Regulus calmly replies. Before Sirius can tell the hallucination, it's making a terrible impression of Regulus with its strangely accepting views; they round the corner and come across Remus.

Most likely, his ex-lover was sent to look for him. The others can't bring themselves to look Sirius in the eye after seeing what he's become. They are a bunch of cowards, but at least the Order is smart enough to not sent Harry for him.

He isn't sure he could handle his godson seeing him like this. This pathetic state of a man who could never correctly care for him.

"Who are you!?" Remus snares, pointing his wand at Regulus, who only blinks at him. Sirius swallows around the lump in his throat now knowing they haven't sent anyone for him at all.

If Remus can see Regulus, this isn't Remus, either. Just another hallucination his treachours mind came up with. Maybe one that still loves him.

He lost his mind, so he blurts nonsense, encouraged by the alcohol cursing through his veins.

"Darling, look who I found. It's little Regulus! We can raise him as our son and ensure he marries someone who loves him the same way we love each other! We can be a big happy family! " He tells Remus, heartbreaking at how those hazel eyes flicker to him in barely concealed alarm. "A big happy family where nothing went wrong! You, me, and a child. A house on a grass hill. We grew old together, and no one died! No one died, and we're all so happy together!"

He's crying, but Sirius can't stop talking, describing their imaginary child, their house, and the wonderful past twelve years that he wishes so hard weren't made up. Remus looks frozen in horror, his eyes filling with tears, but it doesn't matter if he's sad.

Remus isn't real. None of this is. Sirius is probably still sitting outside of Regulus' room drinking himself into a grave. Or worse, he's still at Azkaban talking to the stone bricks of his cell.

Regulus makes a slight noise of pain. "I see now what has happened, Uncle."

He turns to Remus, speaking in a soft low voice. "I'm sorry for the loss of your child, sir. Would you help me move your husband to one of our guest rooms? I believe he needs to lie down."

Remus responds by shooting a hex at Regulus, who can only yelp before he drops to the ground like a bag of bricks. Sirius falls with him, still mumbling about their garden- it has a Quidditch Pitch in the backyard so they can play when James comes over-, and Remus stares down at them, chest heaving with gasping breaths.

Then Remus is screaming. No words, just terrible sounds of agony, the likes of which sound close to his wolf, tearing his skin apart. Sirius finally stops talking, watching his Remus Hallucination fall apart in front of him.

Harry and all his friends come running down the hallway shouting Sirius' name, but he can't really hear them. He's too busy trying to stay awake when Remus shoots him with a sleeping spell.

It's a small mercy.

Now Sirius doesn't have to deal with the fact he was seeing such terrible things for the past ten minutes. Hopefully, when he wakes, all he'll have is a terrible headache and not be back in his cell.

He doesn't think he'll survive if his escape is just one big Hallucination.

[theinconveniencing]

hello team I had a Very fun time exploring campus today let me tell you about my adventures.

so I went back to the same place i was on saturday night to check it out in the daylight and I did Not go down the hallway I saw the person in, instead I went down the stairs. one direction led to a locked door and the other led outside (found the alleged emergency exit). and when you kept going down the exit stairs it eventually spit you out at this covered path that leads to a loading dock area

towards the end of the covered path I found this barrel filled with I don't even know what. like what the fuck Is this

i just moved on. at the actual loading dock there were some locked doors that led inside to places I knew. but I was more enticed by these double doors that had like gigantic stop signs and red signs that were like "you need to keep these doors LOCKED do NOT come in here" so I tried them and they were unlocked so I went in. obviously. and it just led to mostly non perishable food storage and some cutlery for the building and where they make the coffee and keep the ice and stuff. I walked through that whole area and went through a door that spit me back out in the main building. but in the storage room there was a creepy stairwell that I wanted to go in so I looped all the way back around to the mysterious barrel from the Outside this time. (and side note there was no signage or indication that I wasn't allowed to be there so I'm sure people accidentally wander into that hallway I saw the person in on tuesday literally all the fucking time so if I ever go back and get caught I can play dumb). but I went back to the storage room and to the stairwell

which was creepy as hell. it actually only went up but I forgot to take a pic at the bottom. those stairs are well loved. up one floor was a pretty standard commercial kitchen that I did a brief walk through (thank god it was the weekend) and up another floor was another commercial kitchen. I wandered through that one aimlessly and next thing I knew I was standing behind the counter at the lil sandwich place on campus like uhhhhh. and if it wasn't the weekend I wouldn't have gotten that far but like uhm. I went through some random back door and slipped away into a lounge area then out those doors!

and there's another building on campus (the oldest one) that's always locked on the weekends But the play is happening in there (I actually talked to two of the guys that were in it on their way out lol) so it was unlocked and I slipped past the green room into the main part of the building and I was home free! I climbed up these fire stairs I was always curious about but they were a dead end and if you saw my post from earlier you know I was Sweating man. for NOTHING. I made my way down then took an elevator up to an Actual floor and took another stairwell all the way to the top to an office I thought surely would be locked but it wasn't. this is where I spent like two hours looking at all the shit on the shelves. and found six bins of condoms. and a pair of giant ceremonial scissors

which was awesome. it was getting late so I bid the office adieu but I got distracted by Another way to a different part of the top floor and I found this like. it's called something really specific but I don't remember it but it's a room where the walls and some of the ceiling are windows and it's surrounded by trees and it's beautiful. but the door was locked and let me tell you I tried for a while to no avail to find a way to get in that room by making one of those hook grabber things to turn the handle on the other side. but after a while gave up and came home and here I am. what a day!

[kuleana--does-anyone-care]

capstone update #4

dilemma / struggle

I am not too happy with my capstone project. Just being honest.

I made some progress over this past month, but there are also just so many things that went wrong. I already wrote in one of my other posts about how the whole ʻUluʻulu request process was going. A lot of back-and-forthing, a lot of time and work put into it... So far, with nothing to show for my efforts. Let me continue that story now.

There's footage I had my heart set on -- MY MISTAKE. It turns out I can't use it. The collection owner is planning to produce something with it soon, so they denied my request. That's fair, because it's up to the copyright holder if they want to allow someone else to use their materials. But it really throws me off, because I had a lot of ideas about how I would use that footage in my project. It was actually more than one thing. I screened these files, took detailed notes (basically wrote transcripts of parts) and sent my carefully selected timestamps to the archivist. She had me write a "one page" to send along with my request to the collection owner, explaining my project and my intent for the footage. It ended up being a huge amount of wasted time. I had heard some horror stories about incorporating archival footage into film projects. But it's a whole other thing to live through it yourself. It's pretty devastating, and also a bit... infuriating.

It's negative in more ways than one. First of all, all the time I spent ideating about how I would use the footage, how it connected with my themes and helped to tell the story, what sorts of b-roll I would edit it together with -- all of that was a wasted effort. I could have been using that time and energy on something else. But a lot of times, there's no way to know that until you're at the end of the process. I was prioritizing this footage in particular, ahead of other archival clips. And now I'm thinking it might be too late for me to get any archival materials before the time that our deliverables are due. I've been screening and requesting clips from another batch of titles, and things are in the works, but it may all be for naught.

There were also other titles I was hoping to use that I found out were unavailable. For example, I was hoping to use clips from an episode of the classic show Pau Hana Days, only to find out that the show is never approved for duplication by its owners. Really great! Tisha the archivist has been incredibly helpful. It's not her fault! But I'm getting really sick of trying to incorporate archival footage.

It's a lot of work for things that might not be able to make it into my deliverable. And it's not just time wasted screening and requesting the footage. It's time wasted reconsidering things that I had thought were solved, things like the structure of my doc. The story I am trying to tell. I'm getting to the point where I need to stop wasting so much time on things that aren't guaranteed and just work with what I have. I currently have a lot less than it seemed I would, so it's getting scary.

Other update: I was going to interview Wayne Tanaka from the Sierra Club of Hawaii last Tuesday, but he came down with covid. Due to my work schedule, I had to reschedule for next Thursday. That's 9 less days that I will have his footage to work with. Also scary.

The good news is that the Ernie interview went really well, except for an equipment problem at one point. I can work around it. Wayne's interview will be great too. I just know that overall, I'm way behind schedule.

Signing off--

[karasunocurry]

Toumyu Suehirogari

Yeah I watched it! I went to Fuji Q on the 18th by regular tourist bus and it took forever cause traffic was awful, and we made stops at Gotemba outlets and Yamanakako. Got to Fuji Q way later than expected, didn't have chill lunch at the park but had chill conbini food outside... that conbini got so overrun that by the time we got out, there was a line just to get in to buy things. I'm so glad I was with friends, otherwise everything would have made me cry, I hate crowds. Toumyu also provided storage which was kinda of expensive since they asked 1000 yen even for a small suitcase, but it was still very useful since we couldn't check in to our shared house beforehand. The goods line seemed pretty crazy, and didn't really get better as time went on. If anthing, people were sceptical about the water at first but later on that got sold out the fastest. People would line up from in the morning for hours to get water, y'all. Thirsty hoes literally. Anyways this was the first time I ever went to a shonichi (very first day/show) and it was WILD. Like of course we knew about the mini stages and the carts but when things actually began to happen, you did not know where to look. We had seats pretty far back, but they gave a good view of one mini stage + the path of the cart behind us. The first time a cart came by, I'm pretty sure that Samidare saw my "wan!" uchiwa. I don't have a brain to remember the setlist but there are things circling around on twitter. Either way, it was such a good show, everything was so fun, I had to cheat a lot with my penlights cause I missed a lot of colours but I got by I think. Daigo sang his solo (I love Tears, despite not liking most ballads this one is just so dramatic), he also had a duet with Koryuu I believe. The whole show went by so fast, I loved seeing everyone, they had crane stages for another duet, and they ended with a bit of fireworks. Truly the summer festival we deserved. The next day we did some Fuji Q-ing which is accurate because lining up made up over half the day. It was very crowded. And it was very crowded the whole week, so it had nothing to do with regular visitors but everything with sword girlies. Took lots of pics too, and I stayed the longest since some friends went to see the show again and others went home. Ate Belgian fries, got another toumyu collab snack now that there were NO lines. (earlier we waited in line to order and then friends waited SO long to receive the drinks, it was pretty bad). I saw the show again on Tuesday after having spent some time around lake Kawaguchi(ko) since my friend was doing some telework. It was another show with Daigo, this time Tsurumaru also did his solo. My seat was closer but I didn't have a good view of the main stage anyway and not as good of the carts either. Still really fun though... I stayed another day for more Tourism (which was fun but also a bit frustrating and tiring), then hung at Fuji Q and with friends again, and then took another bus straight home. This time no stops in between and I was home in two and a half hours. Suehirogari was great! It was a hassle and hotels were expensive but the show was amazing. Unfortunately Sasamori got sick and had to miss the final two shows. Poor sap. I hope he rests and eats well cause I just feel like he overdoes it and doesn't sustain himself well enough :c

[set-phasers-to-whump]

hanging by a threat

prompt: reluctant caretaker

whumpee: sakari nurmi

fandom: karppi/deadwind

hi!! this is my first sickfic for this fandom, i've been bouncing the idea around in my brain for a while (the first thing i ever wrote for these characters was the start to a never-completed sickfic lmao) and i finally wrote it! i'm pretty happy with how it turned out and i hope you enjoy it!

Sofia has had a long week. Emil had had the flu over the weekend. Henna had gotten into trouble at school on Monday. The fire alarm had gone off in the middle of the night on Tuesday (just a false alarm, the fire department had said, after everyone had stood outside in the rain for close to an hour). On Wednesday Emil had gotten into trouble at school. Thursday had brought a new case that she and Nurmi had spent all day on with nothing to show for it. She faces this morning, Friday, with grim resignation. What else could go wrong?

For starters, her partner arrives late. Not by a horribly large amount, to be sure, but late nonetheless. She’d scold him, but he’s brought her coffee, so she forgives him quickly. 

“Since we hit a dead end yesterday, I thought today we could drive to Maria’s hometown and see if people know anything.”

Maria is their murder victim. She’d been in Helsinki for the week on a business trip and had turned up dead three days before she’d been due to return home. Yesterday, they’d spent the day investigating Maria’s activities and connections in the city and had come up with very little. Today, Sofia is hoping for something more. 

“Okay,” Nurmi agrees. “Will you drive?”

“Sure.” She’s slightly taken aback - he almost always wants to drive - but she doesn’t protest. “We’ll take your car.”

He hands her the keys silently. His hand is sweaty, though it’s below freezing and there’s snow on the ground. She pays it no mind - the heating in the building has been turned up rather high this morning - and they walk outside to his car. 

--

An hour earlier

Sakari wakes up after a full night of sleep feeling like he hadn’t slept very much at all. To combat this, he decides to stop at one of his favorite coffee shops on the drive to work. Inside, the line is abnormally long. He realizes when he’s almost at the counter that he is definitely going to be late for work. He decides to order a coffee for Karppi, too, as an apology.

He places his order and then stands to the side to wait for the drinks to be ready. Rather abruptly, he goes from feeling just slightly run down to feeling just slightly run over. His whole body starts to ache, all the way down through his bones. When he grabs the coffees, they feel like lead weights in his hands. The walk back to the car feels like walking for a hundred miles. 

Once he’s in the car, he sits behind the wheel for several minutes, trying to focus enough to be able to drive. He’s freezing. Granted, it’s freezing outside, but he has the car turned on and he just repaired the heating system, which is on at full blast. But still, he’s shivering. He grips the wheel until his hands don’t shake, then starts his drive, grateful he’d chosen a coffee place not too far from work. 

Once he arrives at work, he parks the car, turns the engine off, and realizes that he’s started sweating. At the same time, though, he’s still cold. He gets out of the car slowly (his head spins anyway) and grabs the coffees, wrapping his hands tightly around them, both to absorb as much warmth as possible and to make sure he doesn’t drop them. 

He walks inside and finds Karppi. She looks irritated, but he doesn’t even have to apologize for being late. He just holds out the coffee and she accepts it. 

“Since we hit a dead end yesterday, I thought today we could drive to Maria’s hometown and see if people know anything.”

“Okay,” he agrees. Just so long as it isn’t him who drives. He doesn’t think it would be at all safe. “Will you drive?”

“Sure. We’ll take your car.”

He hands over his keys and they walk back out to his car. 

--

The drive out of the city is quiet. Nurmi’s radio doesn’t work. Nurmi himself is just as silent, resting his head against the window. He coughs a few times, the only sound he makes. Sofia knows he isn’t doing it to annoy her, but the sound grates on her nerves nonetheless. She pushes her irritation downwards and drives on. 

They arrive in Maria’s hometown just as a light snow begins to fall. The buildings are close together and the paths between them aren’t too crowded, but not deserted either. Everything looks inviting. Sofia wonders whether news of Maria’s death has spread yet. 

Their first stop is Maria’s employer, a small law firm nestled between a restaurant and a hotel. Sofia takes the lead in questioning Maria’s boss and coworkers. Nurmi says nothing the whole time. She appreciates him not interfering, but they are supposed to be partners, and she could have used his help. She’d run out of steam on one line of questioning and had waited an awkwardly long amount of time for him to jump in before having to make up a new question herself. 

Still, she’d learned a little bit about how the firm operates and what Maria’s role within it had been. After she’s done with her questions, they head outside into the snow, which is still falling lightly on the streets. She turns to Nurmi. “Hey, you’re supposed to ask questions too, you know.”

He blinks at her. “I know. Sorry.” He coughs again. 

“And get some water, for god’s sake.”

He looks a little hurt by this. “Please,” she tacks on. God, she’s tired. It’s not his fault she’s annoyed, she tries to remind herself. Still. She is annoyed. 

Their next stop is to see Maria’s parents. Nurmi asks them for a glass of water, which the mother seems only too glad to get. Sofia supposes she’s desperate for something, anything, to do. 

She’s gentle with her questioning, but firm. The parents don’t know much. Maria had gone on a work trip, just as she’d often done in the past. She’d called them on Tuesday to tell them about a restaurant she’d been to that she thought they’d like. She hadn’t had any enemies that they’d known about. She’d been an only child. She'd had a boyfriend, who had been abroad in Spain when she’d died and who is arriving back today to help with the funeral - everyone had thought they were going to get married. 

Nothing helpful, Sofia concludes. Just a grieving family that will never be the same again. She leaves them with her number in case they think of anything more. She doubts they will. 

They have, at least, gotten the names of some of Maria’s closest friends in town. Sofia hopes they’ll have a bit more information on some of the less pleasant details of Maria’s life. 

The first friend lives only a short walk away. The cold air and exercise will do her some good, she figures. Nurmi trails along behind her, despite his longer legs. 

“Hey, come on,” she calls to him, turning around when they’re about halfway to the friend’s house. 

She waits for him to catch up. “Can we stop?” he asks. 

She looks at him. He can’t be serious. “The house is right there,” she says, and points. “Come on.”

They keep walking. It takes twice as long as it should to cover the short distance. 

“What, did you break your leg or something?” she asks Nurmi as they stand on the doorstep. 

He looks away from her and sniffs. She rubs a hand under her own nose. The chill is nice, she thinks, but it hasn’t done much to improve her disposition. 

Maria’s friend invites them in. Her house is small but cozy, and she invites them to sit on a couple of chairs in front of a blazing fire. They talk for perhaps ten minutes - her and Sofia - but it soon becomes clear that Maria hadn’t told her any important details of her life recently. 

“We kind of drifted apart when she started working at the law firm. Long hours, you know. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”

“That’s alright. Thanks anyway,” Sofia says. She hands over her card just in case. “Call me if you think of anything else.”

“Thanks, I will.”

They go back outside. “Are you planning on saying anything today?” Sofia asks, once the door has shut behind them. “I might be the lead on this case, but we’re partners. You have to do something.”

“Sorry.”

He looks kind of miserable. She wonders what’s going on with him today. Maybe he’s had a rough week, too. She hasn’t been in much of a position to notice, considering the chaos of her own life lately. Anyway, he can tell her, she figures, if something’s the matter. He can’t expect her to be able to read his mind. 

He doesn’t say anything else. 

“You’ll do the next interview, okay?”

“Okay.”

They drive to the next friend’s house. As soon as they start driving, Nurmi starts coughing. She takes a deep breath and again forces down her irritation. It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose. Anyway, the air in the car is a lot drier than the air outside. She herself feels it tickling the back of her throat. 

Maria’s second friend lives in a short, small block of apartments. Nurmi rings the doorbell. No one answers. He knocks. “Police!”

There’s still no answer. A door behind them opens and an old man pokes his head out. 

“If you’re looking for Mathias, he’s at work.”

“Where?” Sofia asks.

“On a ship. He leaves for weeks at a time.”

“When will he be back?”

“Maybe not for another month. He only left last week.”

“Thanks.”

They leave and head to the home of the third and final friend. She lives near the edge of the town and is a music teacher. She is finishing a lesson when they arrive but promises to speak to them as soon as the lesson is over. In the meantime, she invites them to wait in the living room. 

They sink down onto a couch. Nurmi looks at her but doesn’t make eye contact. 

“Could you ask the questions?” His voice is so quiet she almost doesn’t hear him at first. Then she does. 

“Why?”

“I’m not feeling that great.”

“It’s been a difficult week for me, too. You’ll be fine.”

He nods. She settles back into the cushions, relieved to have a break in speaking for a little while. 

The break is considerably shorter than she’d expected. Nurmi makes it through all of three questions before interrupting himself to ask if he can use the bathroom. Their host points the way, and then Sofia’s left to speak with her. 

The woman proves to be their most valuable source yet: she had heard Maria speaking about a threatening email a few weeks ago, but had been assured everything was fine when she’d tried to bring it up. She had also been in regular, close contact with her, and had felt that Maria’s communication had become a bit more terse lately. 

“Of course, I thought she was just stressed out because of her job, you know, but now - if only I’d asked more questions, maybe -”

“Hey, you couldn’t have known this would happen,” Sofia interrupts. “What’s important is that you help us now, so we can find Maria’s killer.”

They go through several more questions in Nurmi’s absence. By the time he at last returns, Sofia has gotten all the helpful information that the woman remembers. She stands up just as Nurmi moves to sit down. 

“Thanks so much for your time. Please call me if you think of anything else.”

“Of course.”

There is no longer anything to do in town. With the information she’s just gathered, Sofia has an idea of where to go next: back to Helsinki. Apparently, Maria had been having difficulties with an employee at another law firm based in the city - the same law firm which she’d been working with at the time of her murder. 

But her satisfaction at having learned this information is largely overshadowed by her irritation with Nurmi. He could have handled this interview just as well as she had, and instead he’d gone off the second he’d moved past the introductory stage of questions. 

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks, point blank, as they climb back into the car. “Do you just not want to work or something?”

Nurmi shrugs. “Are we done here?”

“Yeah.”

“Can we go home?”

“Sure. And then you’re gonna do some actual work, or else I’m going to make you come over and clean my whole house.” 

“Okay.”

She starts driving back towards Helsinki. Nurmi again leans his head against the window. She wonders what he’s thinking about, but is too irritated with him to ask. 

--

Sakari wouldn’t have thought it was possible to feel worse than he had earlier. But as they’re driving back to Helsinki, he’s so exhausted that he can barely keep his eyes open. His head is pounding and his whole body aches somehow worse than before. He’s still cold and shivering but he can feel sweat starting to soak through his clothes. 

At least for now, the coughing has stopped, which means Karppi can’t get more annoyed at him. It has, however, been replaced by nausea, which he isn’t sure is really any better. The nausea had come over him very suddenly, just as he’d been starting his interview with the last of Maria’s friends. He’d hurried off to the bathroom but hadn’t been sick. Instead, he’d simply sat on the floor for several minutes, forcing himself not to cry though it had been all he’d wanted to do. 

He doesn’t cry often. Doesn’t like to. But he’d felt so miserable and so isolated, and he knows Karppi is having a rough week but he’s having a rough day and he just wants to go home and curl up in his bed and sleep forever but instead he’s here, with his face pressed against the window, breathing slowly and trying to focus on anything besides the nausea sitting on his chest. 

The tactic of ignorance works for a while. And then it doesn’t. 

“Pull over.”

“What? Why?”

“Please.” He doesn’t look at her, though he knows she’s looking at him. His face is burning, the first time he’s felt hot all day. He hates this. He wishes he was alone. He wishes he wasn’t. 

Karppi pulls the car to the side of the road, putting the right tires into the snow and leaving the left ones on the asphalt. 

Sakari sort of steps, sort of falls out of the car. He lands on his hands and knees in several inches of snow. The cold is a shock to his system. He feels himself start to shiver harder, but can’t focus on that for very long before he starts throwing up. 

He doesn’t know how long it lasts. His lungs and throat burn on every ragged inhale of the frigid air. He’s crying now, half from exertion and half from the general miserableness of everything. For a while he can’t really focus on anything at all, and then the vomiting stops and he’s just crouched there shaking and he realizes there’s a hand rubbing up and down on his back. 

“You’re sick,” is the first thing Karppi says, or at any rate, it’s the first thing she says that he hears. She sighs. She sounds resigned. Guilt rises up in him. He knows she doesn’t want to deal with this. Probably not ever, but certainly not now. He shifts to his knees, sniffs, rubs a hand under his eyes. 

“Sorry.” The word grates against his throat. He coughs, which only makes his throat hurt worse. He wishes he had some water. 

“It’s okay. Here, I found it rolling around in the trunk.” Karppi hands him a half-empty bottle of water, like she can read his mind. He takes it gratefully. 

“Don’t drink it too fast,” she warns. 

He drinks some of the water, which definitely tastes like it’s been rolling around in the trunk for quite a while. Nevertheless, it’s wonderful, cold and soothing on his aching throat. He drinks about half of it, and would drink more, but Karppi grabs the bottle from his hand. 

“I said slowly. How do you feel?”

“Bad.”

“Will you be okay for the rest of the drive?”

He nods. The nausea has ebbed away, at least for now. 

“Let’s go, then.”

She gives him a hand up and then puts an arm around his waist as he stands and promptly stumbles. He blinks the dizziness away and gets back into the car. 

--

The rest of the drive back to Helsinki is tense, at least on Sofia’s end of things. She keeps glancing at Nurmi every few seconds. Now that she’s really noticed how bad he looks, she can’t stop noticing. 

He’s shaking and his eyes are dull and there’s an unnatural pallor to his skin. She feels horrible for not having noticed sooner, though she is still irritated with him for not telling her. And, admittedly, she’s also a little irritated at his being sick in general, having already dealt with Emil’s illness earlier in the week. Which, now that she thinks about it, is probably the source of Nurmi’s current illness. The symptoms are much the same. 

It would seem that she has created this problem for herself - she’d brought Emil’s illness into work with her, and while she had been unaffected, Nurmi had not been so lucky. She feels responsible for this, for making him so absolutely miserable. Despite her own exhaustion and irritation, she decides she should probably do something for him. 

She takes him home. He’s fallen asleep against the window by the time they arrive. She shakes him awake. His shoulder is hot underneath her hand. 

“Hey, wake up.”

He opens his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi. We’re at your place.”

He looks out the window. “Not back at work?”

“No. You’re sick.”

“Am I gonna have to clean your apartment?”

She shakes her head, surprised that he remembers that comment. “Not today, anyway.”

They get out of the car. Sofia puts an arm around his waist again to stop him from falling, and together they make it up the stairs and to his apartment. She unlocks the door and they step inside.

At first, she’s just planning on dropping him in his bed and leaving, but as they walk he sort of grabs onto her and she can feel him shaking and she knows him, knows how much he must hate this. She also gets the feeling, though he’s never really told her for sure, that he’s quite used to being alone. She doesn’t want him to have to be. 

She stays. She still drops him onto his bed - though he does actually sit down instead of just collapsing - and then she goes rummaging through his poorly-stocked cabinets to find medicine and tea and spare blankets. 

She finds exactly none of these things. 

“Do you even live here?” she asks, going back into the bedroom, where Nurmi has managed to get one of his shoes off and is currently working very diligently to remove the other. 

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have any medicine at all.”

He shrugs. “I don’t usually get sick.”

“You don’t have tea.”

“I prefer coffee.”

“Blankets?”

He grabs hold of the one beneath him as evidence. She sighs, though she’s not particularly irritated with him for this. To be honest, the poor state of his cabinets had been pretty much exactly what she’d expected. 

“I’m going to go get some stuff. You stay here and maybe…put on some pajamas, or something.”

He stops untying his shoe and looks at her. “You’re coming back?”

“Don’t act so surprised.”

He looks like he wants to say something more, but whatever he’d been planning on saying is cut off with a series of coughs. When it stops, all he says is, “thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll be back soon.”

“And then?”

She makes up her mind on the spot. “I’ll stay, if you want.”

He looks conflicted and doesn’t answer for a while. Eventually, he simply says, “okay.”

“Okay.”

thanks for reading! the ending is kind of wonky but i really didn't know how to end it lmao. endings are forever my worst enemy. also i tried to clearly show when i was switching pov's but if it didn't work and you got confused pls lmk and i will make it more obvious! anyway i hope you enjoyed this fic!!!

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, July 20th, 2024.

10 HOW’S How did you get one of your scars? Enough about the scars I know about; let's go with one that's a mystery instead. There's one just behind the knuckle on my right index finger, around a centimeter in length. I think I've had it for the majority of my life, perhaps even since childhood, but I have no idea how I received it.

How did you celebrate your last birthday? I volunteered at the animal shelter in the morning, then went out to lunch at Ruby Tuesday with my parents. Also, it was a really snowy, slushy day, so that was an extra plus.

How are you feeling at this moment? Probably as close to relaxed as my brain will allow me to be. I woke up around 5:30am, laid in bed for a while and listened to a tarot reading on YT, had my usual oatmeal for breakfast while reading through some comments on a reaction video, cleaned my room, made some art while sipping coffee, and now I'm here - just passing time until I go for a movie with my mom. It was her birthday a few days ago, so we're going to go see Despicable Me 4.

How did your night go last night? It was chill. I had dinner, chatted with my dad, then fell asleep to an Event Horizon podcast about searching for techno signatures on exoplanets.

How did you do in high school? High school was a mess.

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? One of them was a gift from my dad; it's a Bigfoot shirt that he bought at the mall a couple of years ago. Then I'm wearing a blue tank top over that; it was given to me by the animal shelter a few weeks ago, along with a minty-green t-shirt.

How often do you see your best friend? He lives in California, so I never get to see him in person.

How much money did you spend last month? Aside from the usual expenses, I don't think I really spent any extra money.

How old do you want to be when you get married? It's not so much a matter of age as it is finding the right person, being emotionally ready for that type of partnership, etc.

How old will you be at your next birthday? 36. I don't know whether it's a curse or a blessing that I've been allowed to survive for so long, lmao.

9 WHAT’S What is the most important part of your life? My family and my cats, improving my overall wellbeing, volunteering, etc.

What did you do last weekend? I stayed home on Saturday and did the usual (cleaned my room, made art, watched entirely too much YouTube…), and on Sunday I was at the animal shelter from around 7-11am.

What did you last cry over? This is going to sound so silly, but let me explain. The last time I cried was in therapy. We were talking about my art and my therapist made the suggestion to try something new - as a sort of mindfulness exercise, just to see what came up - like trying to paint a picture upside down or something along those lines. I was resistant to it; like no, the whole reason I paint landscapes and hardly ever branch out in terms of technique is because I like the mindlessness of it. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to "see what comes up." We explored it a bit more and I just started to cry. I realized it was because I'm so far out of my comfort zone in my everyday life that I need that island of safety and routine in such a discomforting sea of everything else.

What are you worried about? The same future stuff as always. But in my immediate life, I'm not really all that worried about anything.

What is your mother’s name? I'm not going to give that.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? NOT painting my landscapes upside down, lmao. Trips to the Mountain Park. Cuddling with my kitties. Talking with my dad. Reminding myself of how far I've come, everything I'm grateful for, all the things that are going right, etc.

What would you rather be doing? I'm fine with this.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? I'm not even looking for a significant other atm.

What did you have for breakfast? Oatmeal.

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? Yeah.

Have you ever had sex on the beach? Just thinking about it makes me feel itchy. All that sand…in all the wrong places…

Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend? Not really.

Have you ever been out of the country? No.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Yeah.

Have you ever liked someone who already had somebody? Yeah. They were polyamorous, though, so the fact that they were already with someone wasn't a barrier. However, I did very quickly discover that such relationship dynamics aren't for me.

Have you ever been brokenhearted? Very much so.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Probably.

SEVEN WHO’S: Who is the last person you saw? My dad.

Who is the last person that you texted? My mom.

Who called you last? My dad.

Who is the last person you hung out with? I haven't really "hung out" with anyone recently.

Who did you hug last? My mom.

Who is the last person that texted you? My mom.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? My dad.

SIX WHERE’S: Where does your best friend live? California.

Where is your favorite place to be? At home, out in nature, or at the animal shelter.

Where did you sleep last night? My bed.

Where did you last hang out? The animal shelter, I guess.

Where do/did you go to school? I'm not going to list the schools I attended. I'm also not in school at this time, nor do I have any current plans to go back.

Where did you last adventure to? The Mountain Park, last Wednesday. It was much needed. I don't feel like I got enough of it, though. It made me realize that most of my life has been consumed by the routine of going to the animal shelter and I really need to get out there on a more regular basis.

FIVE DO’S/DOES Do you ever wish you were someone else? I don't really want to be anyone else, but I do wish I could be…like a different, healthier, stronger, more confident version of myself.

Do you think anyone despises you? Ehhh, maybe Alex at the shelter…? Like, I don't think she necessarily full-on despises me, but she can be very…hmmm. Critical, petty, fake. We keep it friendly and professional, but yeah. I'm under no illusions.

Do you like someone right now? No.

Does the future scare you? Yeah. Which is why I'm trying so damn hard to become more independent/self-reliant now, before it's too late.

Do you have any secret powers? Naw.

FOUR WHY’S: Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)? I honestly don't even know how to answer this. We've been friends since we were teens, and idk, we just get along well together, have the same general sense of humor, like some similar things, etc. It's a very easy, drama-free friendship these days.

Why did your parents give you the name you have? My parents didn't give me my current name.

Why did you get a myspace? Curiosity, I guess, and as a way to keep in touch with a few people. But I spent so much time there because I loved taking surveys, messing around with my layout, and that sort of thing.

Why are you doing this survey? The questions looked interesting.

THREE IF’S: If you could have one super power what would it be? Either teleportation or a very fine-tuned sense of intuition (so I could be in the right place at the right time, know what to say or do to have the most impact, etc).

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? I guess not.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Maybe somewhere like Beulah or Rye. I want to be out in the woods/mountains, but close enough to where I currently live in order to stay at the animal shelter + have all the conveniences of my current city without an overwhelming commute.

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S: Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? Yeah.

Would you ever get back together with any of your exes if they asked you? No.

LAST ONE: Are you happy with how your life has turned out? It hasn't exactly "turned out" yet. I mean, I'm still living it, still progressing, etc. Am I happy with how things are now, though? Yes and no. On one hand, I'm extremely proud of how far I've come and I try to give myself a lot of credit for that - because it sure as hell has not been easy - but on the other hand, I still have so far left to go.

[ireceived-p8250000]

March 24-30 2013

It's Holy week. We also have electricity bills that are enaring to be oaid. But we can pay alter after the due date.

I was planning of going to a vacation alone but that's fine. I got my passport but where will 5k get me.

It's really crazy.

I asked Mansoor what he will be doing. He said just family gatherings. I asked if he can take me to the beach because I haven't been there ever since my parents don't ever allow me.

He said, okay.

"I don't have enough money though."

"I'll answer for it "

"Huwag I cat let you do that."

"Pay me back it's okay."

I wasn't concentrating in class anymorem Tuesday, we presented our culminating activity. And there are photos of us together with Mansoor again wit the kids.

"Uy, bagay!" Said the others.

"Next!" I said.

By Wednesday, Roxanne arrived already. Tina is also here and we kinda fought because of my attitude.

Psych Stat was doing PSS applications. So we learned that. The girls don't like Regine and avoiding her because of her negativity towards everything. She literally bring stormy clous over at anyone.

I asked a day off for tomorrw just in case we don't return in time.

"Ano, we don't have budget for like a room. There's just a parang covered for our things. Then may CR naman per may fee."

"Okay, that sfood enough for me." I said.

We plan to go by Friday. He has some family thing Thursday. I think his parents are quite good and fine. His siblings too.

Thursday, I just spent the time doing chores in the morning, then went out to the hill station cafe to edit videos before I go to my work. I do some studying too especially for stats.

I cooked food a night before. Just some fruits.

Then Friday morning at 5am, I met up with him at the bus station. We bought Jollibee foods. I'm really feeling fluttered wit him sitting together wit me.

"You know you get to know a person better when you travel together." I said.

"Test ba to?"

"Sinasabi ko lang."

The trip was just about an hour. We went down and flagged down a trike.

And we were lucky to catch the sunrise. I took a lot of photos. And photos of him. By 8, the sun is shining. I changed and wore a bikini bra and sports shorts. I'm wearing some light coverup underneath since I don't want to show my whole body with some distributed fats all over.

I saw him looking and was shyung away. He really is a good person.

He taught me how to swim but I gave up almost immediately.

"Bahala ka pag tinapon ka sa dagat." He said.

The sun was torture in the morning. Good hing he lent me a cap. We walked around and he answered for my food and drinks.

We swam a bit more but we are just on the sand talking and having jokes. Then taking photos. We had a quiet time as we both read after lunch. At 2, we showered. Separatelynoff course and ready to go back.

We caught a bus back home at 3. So tired so I slept on his shoulder. He allowed me to sleep on his lap since I also brought like a small pillow.

We reached the city at 5 and had coffee at Luisa's first. Then walked somewhere behind SM just to watch he sunm it's corny romantic sure but tis beautiful.

I went home at 7. The mother and daughters are still there. Tina slept in Ran's room and Keisha too.

Tina was talking to me but I shut the door.

I slept and wke up hours later and did some video edits. I asked Mansoor if he's okay to let me upload some photos. He said it's okay but warned me that we will get teased a lot for it.

So I just picked the ones that subtly shows him. I have him copies. All of it. Except the ones I look ugly in off course.

I started blogging again. Then sketching.

I slept late and woke up late Saturday. Just did chores and later went out to town and studied at a cafe.

Then I headed to work. We have a lot of customers aoaprenytly

March 24-30, 2013Sunday, March 24It's Holy Week, and I'm juggling paying electricity bills and planning a potential solo vacation. However, with only ₱5,000, it's challenging to figure out where I could go. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I asked Mansoor what his plans were. He mentioned family gatherings, so I asked if he could take me to the beach since my parents never allowed me to go.

He agreed.

"I don't have enough money, though," he told me.

"I'll cover it," I said said.

"Huwag, I can't let you do that."

"Pay me back, it's okay," I insisted.

Monday, March 25

I was distracted in class, thinking about the upcoming beach trip. We presented our culminating activity, and there were photos of me and Mansoor with the kids. "Uy, bagay!" the others teased. I brushed it off, saying, "Next!"

Tuesday, March 26

Roxanne arrived, and Tina was here too. We had a fight over my attitude. In Psych Stat, we learned about PSS applications. The girls are avoiding Regine due to her constant negativity. I asked for a day off tomorrow just in case we didn't return in time."Ano, we don't have a budget for a room. There's just a covered area for our things and a CR with a fee," Mansoor informed me."Okay, that's good enough for me," I replied.

Wednesday, March 27Mansoor had a family event today, so I spent the morning doing chores and then went to Hill Station Cafe to edit videos before work. I also studied for stats. I cooked some food the night before, mainly fruits.

Thursday, March 28I spent the day doing chores and editing videos. I also prepared for our beach trip by packing my bag and getting everything ready.

Friday, March 29At 5 AM, I met Mansoor at the bus station. We bought Jollibee food, and I felt butterflies with him sitting next to me. "You know you get to know a person better when you travel together," I said."Is this a test?" he joked."Sinasabi ko lang."The trip took about an hour. We flagged down a trike and caught the sunrise, taking lots of photos. By 8, the sun was shining brightly. I changed into a bikini bra and sports shorts with a light coverup. I saw Mansoor glancing at me shyly. He really is a good person.He tried teaching me how to swim, but I gave up almost immediately. "Bahala ka pag tinapon ka sa dagat," he teased.The sun was harsh in the morning, but he lent me a cap. We walked around, and Mansoor covered my food and drinks. We swam a bit more, then sat on the sand talking and joking, taking more photos. After lunch, we had quiet time reading. At 2, we showered separately and got ready to go back.We caught a bus home at 3, and I slept on his shoulder during the ride. He let me sleep on his lap with a small pillow I brought. We reached the city at 5 and had coffee at Luisa's before walking behind SM to watch the sunset. It was corny romantic, but beautiful.I got home at 7. Tina, Keisha, and the mother were still there. Tina tried talking to me, but I shut the door. I slept for a few hours, then woke up to do some video edits. I asked Mansoor if he was okay with me uploading some photos. He agreed but warned we’d get teased a lot. I picked ones that subtly showed him and gave him all the copies, except the ones I looked ugly in.I started blogging again and sketched a bit. I stayed up late.

Saturday, March 30I woke up late, did chores, and then went to town to study at a cafe. Later, I headed to work, which was busy with many customers.