#I live six or seven hours away and can't be there often

[isfjmel-phleg]

This is a personal post.

so many people I know are burned out I am burned out and I want to fix that but can't

why must everything be so stressful. for everyone.

[mmoxie]

Part 8- Cocaine Engineering

Weeks passed. Dani spent a little more of her cash on a motel room, first for a few nights, then deciding to hand over the weekly rate every Thursday until all the bills were gone.

It let her hang onto most of her new checks from Turtlebees, and she was starting to build up savings fast. Turns out when there's nothing for entertainment but unscrambling the prestige porn in your hotel room and getting a different ingredient on your hotdog at Deb's little stand, you could just... keep it.

As for the store- she was being careful. For the first couple weeks she had gone by Gina Lincoln, in honor of her old work bestie from the Wilson Titlee lottery stand. But, by the second week she had taken to wearing a blank nametag, and by the third...

"Gina, it's got to have a name on it."

"I'm just tired of being called "jyna," she said. "It sounds... pretty bad."

The meat manager let out a deep, hippoey laugh and slapped a hand down on the glass where Dani and her boss- fourth in charge- Redd, were discussing dress code.

"Can't you just correct them?" He gave her the flat, disapproving-but-concerned look of a jaywalker staring down cars as they cut across.

"I really don't want to be confrontational. Or... have them think I'm being that way."

Redd took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. He was a robust guy, probably the type who'd have been called strapping in his youth, still holding that physique together with brown argyle suspenders and a swayback posture that always made him seem to loom.

He had been in this business for a long time. Plus, he was tidying up his third divorce next week, and Gina's keeping up with me in the gray hair department, so a date would probably work out.

So he gave a little, like he always did. You could get away with a lot in a business like this, as long as the numbers looked good at the end of the day. Cut a corner if it doesn't hurt those counts.

"Listen, Gina," he leaned forward and looked at her conspiratorially, over the smart silver frames of his glasses. "All I'm sayin' is that you have to have a name on there. Doesn't hafta be yours."

And so by week three, Dani was walking around Turtlebees with a bog-standard nametag, in her handwriting, in industrial, high-stink Sharpie.

Nametag

So far, she was getting along... great, come to think of it. She had taken up a position in the produce department, groceryside's precious little no-fontanelle-having fragile-ass porcelain baby.

The managers were obsessed with it- but only at a distance. There was a fear to it, like if they touched anything, so much as breathed the same air as a napa cabbage, everything would simultaneously wilt and be invoiced at sixty thousand dollars per fruiting body.

Six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH! God, Michael Keaton makes a great antagonist. And remember when Alec Baldwin was kinda cute? That's crazy.

She liked working the fruit tables. They were pleasantly cool, perfect for a good long lean. No bending at the knees, no restrictive plan-o-gram, you just put in as many fresh grapes as you can until they're gone, because baby, they're molding tomorrow.

Everything was dying all the time and it wasn't her problem. Buy it or you're wasting it. You sit the throne of Damocles and the blade is held by the single hair... of an onion.

She started subtly living the dream, while waiting for Craig to tell her she was being shipped off to Peru. She had a bug-out bag in her motel room, and was thoroughly regretting putting the old man in her phone.

He texted fast, and often.

He liked to hit send instead of comma for pauses.

She was buried under a pile of YouTube links to an alternating supply of Coltrane and Dolores Delirio. Once he found her tape collection, the onslaught of '90s Peruvian goth rock blew up her prepaid phone day and night.

But she could tolerate it all, suddenly. Produce was a full-time position, and with access to full-time hours, she finally cracked the code.

Three day weekends.

Allowed to pour all her head-down, don't-start-any-fires, grit-tooth determination into toting melons and heaving potatoes, she found she could get a lot of work done in a day. Productivity didn't really matter to her, but the fact that she could get the blood pumping and use that energy for something useful instead of murder... it had her feeling a tad more grounded, after a fundamentally paranormal week.

She made a point of helping Redd with some heavy lifts, and expressed a genuine interest in taking on more hours that same day, much to his delight.

She built a display perfectly to playbook while Redd was out sick, and made her move just a few days later.

"You know, Mr. Lake," she started, one knee up on the edge of the Leafy Greens wall, cleaning some accumulated cruft from the sprayer head with her thumb.

"Come on, Gina, we're like the same age. Actually, I might be younger." He frowned at his clipboard and pretended to be distracted.

"I... was thinking. I kinda want longer shifts."

"You huh?"

"Yeah. I don't have much going on. I think I could work twelves."

"Ah, I can't give you twelves. You'd go overbudget in a heartbeat."

"Well... how 'bout eleven?

"Best we usually do is tens, but you end up getting less hours on account of the hour lunch.

"An eleven with an hour lunch sounds fine to me. Would that work?"

For the second time, a man called Redd Lake, 40 year old grandson of a genuine Pony Express rider, cut a corner. The divorce papers were finalized, so now he had to shore up some social leverage if he was going to score that date. Get some good boy points in.

"That'd put you down to four days a week."

"Think the place'll hold together okay without me?"

He paused, then let out a short huff of a breath, turned to Dani and smiled. "It just barely might. You win, Gina."

And so, three-day weekends in Fish Camp began. She was feeling layers of fatigue, deep strata of strain and ache and worrying numbness evaporate from between her sore muscles and lift from her eroded bones. Hard days, but the reward of a three-day weekend... one day for laundry, one day for movies, and one day for bringing groceries to Craig, since he was looking after Seebs full-time now. It was about as good as a new life under an assumed identity could get.

The old boy is fine, she told herself, watching him roll sidelong off a couch cushion and onto a heap of unwashed dress socks. He just can't be cooped up in a hotel room all day. This way he gets a breeze.

Developments between Craig and his 'colleagues' were coming back slowly, and required an extra layer of translation- it was all encoded in something called Beaver Math to begin with, and then broken down into Straight Up Lies About Physics by Craig himself. And then further, one more time, into Brooklyn Standard so that Dani could at least start to find meaning in it.

Craig spent a great deal of time plunking at a typewriter- from the shortly after her lunchtime arrival to the deep, stringy black-gold of a sunset that took its time, oozing down behind the ponderosas. The endless, purposeful clacking made Dani feel old in a way that Alice Cooper Goes to Hell on tape didn't.

Sometime between sunset and the evening news, he stopped and sighed and wiped his forehead. There was a manic twitch to his mustache, and a genuine excitement in his work- and when it faded, Dani heard the absence from down in the den.

Vincent Price- Vinny, she decided one day; you look enough like Joe Pesci anyway- turned his head with her when the clicks began to slow. She scritched at his shell with a cheap toothbrush for a few seconds longer, and then gave in to the treacherous urge to socialize.

She wasn't exactly a wallflower- she always found a way to make friends, and hated an awkward working relationship as much as anybody- but she wasn't the best at relating to people. She had her most effective lessons in empathy and dialogue from Little Shop of Horrors and The Man With One Red Shoe. But she decided to try something, in the lull.

Craig was still at his post, giving off the occasional -snif- and vaguely tapping at this key or that. She eased into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water.

"Punch the keys, for god's sake," she muttered, and then she heard a -snif- turn into a -snort-.

He played the part, leaning into whatever insanity needed to be in hardcopy, with a sly grin on his face.

"Yes, yes...!" Dani added, after a sip. And then it happened.

Two Finding Forrester fans, finding each other.

"You're the man now, dog!" they shouted, perfectly in sync. Laughter, cans of Inca Cola, and two workaholics taking a real break followed.

For the next two hours and thirteen minutes, it was just a couch and a touching story about J.D. Salinger viciously sabotaging a talented young man's career in sports. They laughed, they cried, they provided some of the worst film commentary on in the history of the medium. Imagined insights, outright lies, and unprecedented bullshitting bubbled to the surface until they both could stand the thought of work once more.

"Alright, so Beaver Math," Dani said, leaning back in the collapsible table's booth seat. "You told me it's innate- now look, I don't really live at the intersection of physicality and philosophy like you and the rest of the VFW- but that's bothering me. Math isn't math until you... math it."

"Dani, you're starting to sound more like me. I don't know if I mean that as a compliment, but it's progress. 'Isn't math until you math it,'" he repeated quietly, shaking his head.

"Listen, I was majoring in radio, not astronomy. What I'm driving at is that I'm used to treating math as... you know, observed. You have two apples- but 'two' by itself is conceptual."

"-snif- I don't follow."

Dani lit a cigarette and allowed herself a deep drag before continuing.

"Like, it's language. It's just a tool for designating a quantity. If you or I weren't around to use 'two', so we could understand where we stand in reference to shit, the number of something wouldn't mean anything. You'd have yourself an unknowable number of apples, but since you aren't observing them anyway, it doesn't matter whether or not you know it."

"Sheesh- you're Jolene's kid, alright. But where you and her differ most is that she wouldn't say the craziest shit I ever heard. You wanna try again?"

She laughed and nodded. "Listen, all I'm saying is that this Beaver Math stuff sounds like straight-up fraud. You can solve an equation on paper, but if you go outside and look for an equation with your eyes, you won't find it in nature."

"John the Baptist would disagree with you, but I digress. Let's take it from the top. You're about halfway there- numbers do serve as a label for a phenomenon, which is unaffected by whether or not it is labeled. You've got that down. --You remember I showed you the egg trick, with the bread?"

"I still don't like just jamming my fingers into the egg like that. Why?"

"Think of the yolk as matter, okay? All matter. You want to scramble it, poach it, bake it, fry it. You're saving the whites for meringue, so you pad your fingertips on some dry bread to wick off any moisture, and that preparation allows you to get the yolk out- no fuss, no muss.

"This is that middle step with the bread. That missing middle step. Beaver Math, Dani.

Beavers don't have a spoken language to convey specifics. But they know the measure of a dam before it's built. If there's two beavers building the same dam, they -snif- both know the measure. Perfectly.

Not only their awareness, but their interaction with that measure, speaks to a manipulable underpinning- if you can create a barrier between you and the dimensional shear of sliding over, you can reach in and do whatever you want with the numbers."

Dani was going to get it. She wasn't stupid, but she was starting to doubt her ability to tell hot air from stone cold fact. Craig was asking her to take a lot for granted.

Let's move past it. He's been at this all day.

"Alright, alright. Have you figured out anything new?"

Craig eased over to the refrigerator and got himself a snickers bar from the freezer. He took a slow, hard bite through the layers while he pulled his thoughts together.

"Lots of crosstalk about the big sixty-zeen pop you did the other day. Not a lot productive, just a lot of raised eyebrows. I turned off Skype about halfway through. That's when I -snif- got out the old work suitcase."

"But?"

"Right, well- as you know, they do some beaver math where they are, ship it over Skype, and -snif- then I transcribe it into hardcopy. You get how that's a ritual, right? Transubstantiation? You've got something material now, that's your little communion wafer. You set your brain right and let the eucharist in, approach it like you mean it, and it goes from being symbolic to being material. It's real all of a sudden."

"I didn't take you for a religious guy, Craig."

"Four brothers and five sisters. At that point it was just cheaper to send us to Catholic school. But -snif- I don't think any amount of time spent at Our Lady of Vailankanni Prep could've made me a good catholic."

They laughed at that, and took a few minutes to watch GWAR raise some hell on the Springer set. God bless syndication. Savior of the post-primetime lifestyle.

"Simpler times, man. You were talking about Easter?"

"Good enough. These documents I've been running off- it's a little like remote viewing. You've heard of Stargate, right?"

"Christopher Judge was on that show. Did you know he was Miles in House Party 2?"

"No, Dani. Nobody knows that. Anyway, I meant the CIA stunt in the 70s to weaponize clairvoyance. That's -snif- my bunk blueprints at work. They attracted some real talent, but never put the right tools in their hands."

He paused and picked up a page. The margins were reduced to half an inch, and the spacing tight enough to challenge legibility.

"After IBM but before Peru, me and some colleagues did some experimental cipher work. Very experimental. We were sending signals into space, bouncing them off objects and -snif- getting a readout in the back yard. Back when I was real into the perico I could let this stuff into my mind as easy as falling asleep."

"Perico?"

"You remember Watergate? Y'know that guy with the codename- Deep Throat?"

"Oh, sure."

"Well, I had a codename too. Deviated Septum."

Oh.

He laughed in the hard, seagull way that cranky old men like to laugh, and then slid the cluttered page across the table.

"Don't read. You'd get further eating it. I want you to look at this like it's a magic eye poster, and wait to see something. There's a guy in St. Louis with an identical sheet of paper, and he's gonna close the circuit and send his confirmation when he sees the same thing you do."

I could just cut out this part entirely and do just fine with Turtlebees. The hours are good and so are the weekends. Maybe me and Seebs can just dip and not deal with any of this.

...At least until I belt out another complimentary cremation.

She took a deep breath and eventually realized that neither her circumstances or Craig were going anywhere. In time she moved from a state of getting this over with to staring into the overlapping symbols and letting them lurch off the page toward her.

As her eyes unfocused, they peeled away from the page- fogging the edges of her vision until they became a suffocating, ink-black tunnel.

She closed her eyes a moment, and then she felt concrete underfoot. The world was lit with the glow of a hazy gray-pink sunrise.

Turtlebees.

Make it happen here.

"I was worried about this. One day I'll wake up in hell and just... not know the difference." But she did know, right away actually, and found herself zigzagging down empty aisles. There never was a roof- the sunrise followed her, yawning bands of orange creeping through the deep, soggy fluff.

She found herself in front of the freezer case, staring through a streak she'd made in the frosty glass.

Staring at a gallon of ice cream. There was something wrong with it.

She squinted at the lid. She could have opened the door, but no- if this is hell, it'll just shut behind me and I'll get to sample hypothermia for a thousand years or something. --Might meet Kurt Russell, though.

As yet another of her favorite films intruded on her attempt at linear thought, she saw something wrong again. Dust, in a cloud around the ice cream. Black dust- and moving, like gnats.

She could hear something, too. Overhead, on the radio. Bruce Hornsby? Always thought it was a little uncool to have a lyric about welfare lines in a song you play every other hour at the grocery store.

The dust came into focus, only for a second. Every grain was a character. For a moment so fleeting that she suddenly, painfully yearned for it, she had been exposed to the material truth of the real. Each and every particle was a minuscule, living symbol, moving as its meaning changed, each and every one of the swarm vying to make the ice cream real as if without their intervention it might cease to be. Why this particular unit was such a struggle, Dani couldn't imagine.

"Raspberries just turned up, Dani. Can you run them up to the front gondola?"

She turned and saw Redd Lake, automatically nodded, and wandered away from her moment of linkage with the universe to go freshen up the department.

Wait. Dani?

And then the numbers fell away entirely. Redd was Craig, and Turtlebees was the houseboat, and there was no existentially fuzzy ice cream to ponder, just a plate of strongly-seasoned lomo saltado serving the express purpose of making this world more attractive than the other. She ate without thinking, and Craig watched with his fist clenched tight around a fire extinguisher, hidden beneath the table.

"Milton, my guy in St. Louis, is ready to do the confirmation. I got him on the line right now. Don't think about it, Dani, but tell me what you saw."

"Man, I was at work again. Cold case. The ice cream was weird. It was like- your regular ol' tub of spumoni, but the edges were like the Take On Me video. I got a good look, and the edges were..."

"Calculus," a small voice replied. Craig's old computer heaved with the difficulty of video-conferencing on Windows 98 with an illegal satellite connection. "But what woke you up?"

"My boss was there, but... he called me Dani. Nobody at work knows that's my name. Either he knows something- and I panic, and stop dreaming, or this is bullshit, and I stop dreaming because I outsmarted it."

"You got a sharp cookie there, Craig," the crunchily pixelated little man carried on. "Saw the signs. But the lease ran out on the lab, so we don't have a testing environment to confirm anything."

Dani laughed sheepishly and reached for another drink. "Craig," she said after a few blessed drafts, "You mentioned, uh, something becoming real in this process. Did that happen? It sure didn't feel real."

"Something did. You also put my sinkable home at risk. --But I can put that behind me for a minute. The information you just lived within- 'cause that's what you did- was some classic C.E."

"C.E.?"

"I'll tell ya later. Anyway, something real. Here it is." He turned his wrist like a magician pulling an old-fashioned 'is this your card?' and revealed, plain as day, Dani's nametag. Her handwriting, her little joke- but she had left that in her car, on shore!

"Don't touch this or you'll throw up. It's a handle."

"Hmdle?" Dani was deep in the lomo saltado. Craig might have... more than two problems, but if he just made Peruvian food and stopped talking about beaver indices and zeenie-weenies for a minute, she could forgive the rest.

"I'm no therapist, and you may not have time for one. The Mayor Sean story was on The Weather Channel earlier."

"What? Why weather?"

"They've got people calling what happened to him ball lightning. --Let me tell you about ball lightning, though. There isn't any. It's ghosts. It's a euphemism. If the news says ball lightning, they're pitching an ooh-ahh distraction because something real is happening."

Dani didn't say anything. Craig crouched and began digging through the fridge, sorting through tupperware for the rest of the stir fry he intended to heat up.

"--Anyway. Think of this as a kind of talisman, linking you and your, uh, singularity, with beaver math serving as the chain. Now, I don't know that you should use it- at all, but it's access. Don't know about an off switch, but it's an on switch, for sure."

"So I just touch this, and- foom. Flame on."

"I have good reason to suspect that there may be side effects. Nausea, for one. Skin cancer, possibly. And- can't be certain, but you may relive some painful stuff in the process."

"Sounds like a lot of trouble for something I can already do just fine."

Craig sagged in his seat and rubbed his forehead. He curled his fingers around the conjured nametag and gave Dani a weary nod.

"Cocaine Engineering is fast, Dani. You jump to the end and then, if you're all in one piece, you get to work backwards and see how you got there."

It dawned on her, and she ran a hand back through her hair in disbelief. Something like that could let her attend counseling without committing arson, for one. Put up with traffic. Enjoy the internet.

She might never murder a politician again.

Wow!

<-Prev Next->

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

ridiculous tarot meditation today

some of the energies mentioned were of

the Morrigan and Babel

Jupiter and the All Seeing Eye

resonated with how the limiting mindsets of people around me

often gave my heavy self doubt more power

than the transient and kaleidoscopic paths of my dreaming

everything was once unreal but people like to use

the concept of subjective reality being the only constant

focus is hard today and my thoughts are so unorganized

the chaos is peaceful however not fear or disruptive

something about the heart space and sacral chakra

something else about heavy sperm flow

her words not even mine and when I wrote them down I also

wrote "what the absolute fuck" in my journaling

generational limitation and generational wealth building

books I'll read and conversations changing around me

came from absolutely nothing in this country

rural Iowa that is not heaven or my field of dreams

the only thing that brought me peace in a world

where I felt like some type of beautiful alien

was the beauty and art and stories of the past

all around the world I travelled in books

universes and galaxies and they all disproved everything

my ears were forced to hear about anything around me

resonate with everything feeling disarrayed now

and how time is a construct I can't quite grasp now

what time is it? what day is it? what the fuck does an hour mean?

something about orange transparent glasses which reminds me

of the orange wings of the cicada brood that spawned this year

they sang so loud they drowned out the birds

speaking of the birds they are crazy today

at least fifty in the jasper having some sort of meeting

usually they do this in the evening but it's been going on

all afternoon in the middle of the day

faith is strong my executive function is dysregulated

tower's burning and the Morrigan's special meteorite

library in the beast's castle and the rose that blooms forever

learning how sweet and graceful my chaos can be

my favorite story as a child was about a boy who went to see

the living Kuan-Yin and ask her three questions

Kuan-Yin is the white statue at my Blue Lotus Temple

and I smile at her whenever I go in to remind my spirit

how to sit still for a few minutes and empty thoughts

the story is about a boy who knew how to make

melancholy princess laugh and it reminds me that

for the last few years I forgot how to laugh

I'd just say things like "that's so funny"

now I keep laughing randomly remembering conversations

my son accused me yesterday of being possessed by a demon

for this obviously uncharacteristic habit

Kuan-Yin told the boy to tell the serpent with seven pearls

that if they gave away six pearls that they'd become

a magnificent dragon and he watched it happen

Kuan-Yin also has a soothing energy of humming

which is like starlight in the throat chakra

falling like soft cyan rain into the swirling sea reflecting

on its surface the energy of the starry night

my mind is a pinball machine again with a mercury ball

loud music and it's hard to tell where it is

most I see where it's been and can't even tell the score

so many bells and sirens and playful laughter

but I'm not afraid just kind of frustrated and bewildered

so that's a nice change to the energy I'm trying to unravel

I see you everywhere and sometimes in a form

that seemed solid enough to make me hyperventilate

which is impossible, right? but the physical symptoms

were very overwhelming and I am known to

totally gaslight myself into and out of things

now my brows are drawing together to make sense

of something that reminds me of something else

I do remember a time I had control of my mental faculties

and from the pattern of everything all this confusion

and distraction technique has a strategy

and hell if I can figure it out so I'll just keep

dancing around until an answer comes to me

I've never been so clueless or ever had this much fun

it's kind of weird to truly believe everything and nothing

somehow all at once but it's my current experience

and then I'll get hit with this wave of pure knowing

and see everything in a vision and forget to breathe

or I see a vision and breathe way too fucking much

I don't even have feet anymore I'm just being swept

and you taught me how not to be ashamed of my feelings

so I write them here and I feel a little cringed out

because I sound like a love drunk fool and not at all

in the form of composure I like to keep myself in

I can't stop smiling and I don't even know why!

now I'll feeling all this extra energy and it's not quite

overstimulating but it's overwhelming and my youngest

just rushed in to tell me his score on dance dance

so that's a perfect opportunity to put it somewhere

the world is fucking mad and I'm right there with it

you've completely disassembled my mind and I feel like

I switched from Artoo to Threepio and for some reason

Threepio always annoyed the shit out of me

but for once I'm not annoyed with myself

okay yeah this is way too many emotions

so much excitement and delight and I need to

go shake my ass because I feel like I'm going to combust

[unseededtoast]

Shadow of Obsession | Spencer Reid x Reader

Part Four

Series summary: In which you find that love is an obsession that can quickly spiral out of control.

Also cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3. Link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted!

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Finale

"They don't believe me." Your words shatter his heart completely.

"Don't worry about them. You're all that matters right now."

For hours, you've sat in the same spot at the dining room table, watching Spencer work with a tenacity you have never seen before. His eyebrows are drawn tightly together, his tongue darts out between his lips as he concentrates. Every so often he runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

You feel like you should be helping him, but you find yourself all too distracted by the simple fact that your stalker knows where you live. Who knows how long he's known, and what else he's done that you're not even aware of. The thought of a stranger walking around in your apartment makes you sick to your stomach.

But what really sends you over the edge is the fact that your stalker took an item of your clothing and then returned that same night to deliver the folder. He was right outside of your door while you sat petrified in your bedroom and he now possesses a part of you, no matter how small that part is.

The thought of what he's using your sweater for sends a chill down your spine and you shudder. Your sudden movement must have snapped Spencer out of his trance and he sets down the picture he was analyzing. You see the sleep-deprived bags under his eyes and know you likely don't look any better. His eyes soften as he looks you over.

"You should get some rest, you've been at this for hours." Your voice is scratchy from not speaking. Spencer is quick to shake his head.

"I'm fine, you should go lay down though, I know you didn't sleep all night." Though his guess is accurate, you won't admit it.

Before you answer, you take a second to let your eyes focus on his hand resting on the table. Under different circumstances you may even say the veins in his hand were oddly attractive, but you refuse to let that thought run wild and instead focus back on the matter at hand.

"No, really I'm fine." You fight the urge to yawn and you know you don't have him fooled in the slightest.

He stands straighter and crosses his arms across his chest. Like you're a child being reprimanded, he gives you a stern look, one that lets you know exactly what he's thinking. A silent exchange occurs only through the look in each other's eyes. His are golden-brown, like fresh honey, and they transport you to a time when things were simpler.

For a moment you're taken back to your first day at the BAU. You were fresh out of the academy, recommended to the team by your trainer. The nerves had your stomach twisted and upset, and you vividly recall walking through those glass doors for the first time; your heartbeat pounded in your ears with each step. Everyone had been welcoming, warm, and kind. And you very distinctly remember seeing the most handsome man you've ever laid eyes on. His hair was long, maybe just a touch messy, but it was the kind and reassuring smile he offered that let you know you had made the right decision to join.

And now, sitting only a few feet away from him, you can't help but to feel reminiscent. Your relationship with Spencer had grown far deeper than with anyone else on the team. You had been there when he was wrongfully imprisoned and now he's here when you're being stalked. The two of you celebrated the arrest of each unsub together and worked wonderfully as a team, playing to each other's strengths.

A feeling within your chest flutters, one that you've been trying long and hard to suppress. And it had worked for a long time, that is until very recently.

"I know you're not fine. Please, just come on." His voice is soft and he offers his hand out to you. Not thinking twice, you take his hand in yours and let him lead you to the sofa.

Without you even having to ask, he makes sure that the curtains are closed and you watch as he scans the street for anyone who looks out of place before he sits next to you. He's warm and inviting, and if given the opportunity you know you could fall asleep in his arms.

You lean your head on his shoulder instead, and he wraps his arm around you, hugging you closer to his side. His hand rubs up and down your arm, comforting you as you allow your eyes to flutter shut.

Not another word is shared as you feel yourself being lulled to sleep by Spencer's presence. Just having him near is enough to make you feel safe and secure. You vaguely feel him lay you down on the couch, and you feel a pressure to the top of your head. And you're not sure if you're hallucinating or half-dreaming, but you swear you could hear him whisper to you,

"I promise that I will find who is doing this to you."

-----

Hotch arrives at the office early in the morning before anyone else. His signature scowl is plastered on his face and he's deep in thought about what Derek presented to him yesterday. While the system clearly shows that you were the one who made all of the alterations to the case reports, something deep within Hotch tells him that you're innocent.

There's just no way you would go to these great lengths for simple recognition. But it seems the others on the team are convinced you're behind all of this. Their insistence is the only thing giving him pause. He makes a mental note to follow up with them again sometime today, perhaps there's more that wasn't initially disclosed. There's just no way they've all been swayed by simple electronic records, ones they know are hackable.

Hotch sits at his desk and looks over the reports again and again, hoping that the answer jumps out at him. And it's on the fifth re-read that he notices something. It's a very small detail, but he thinks it could be an important one. He grabs a highlighter and begins marking up the reports.

After a few hours, Hotch walks down to Penelope's office. When she opens the door she's surprised to see Hotch on the other side, but she knows that whatever he's here for is something serious; Hotch doesn't make these visits often.

"Can you show me the video footage on the night that the document changes were made?" He asks, nodding to Penelope's plethora of monitors.

"Certainly sir." She says and sits down, pulling up the footage. She's watched it a hundred times, she knows this video like the back of her hand.

Hotch sits next to her and she plays the video. Just as she watched with you, and the others, the video has been tampered with. The shadows on the ground make that obvious.

"So someone got into the computer system and altered the footage." Hotch states the obvious.

"It appears so, yes." Penelope says, nervous about where this conversation is headed.

In the past day Penelope has had the same conversation with just about every other member of the BAU. Each of them didn't want to believe you had orchestrated this elaborate scheme, but they couldn't ignore the evidence.

Everyone was reluctant to admit that they believed you were responsible; Spencer was the only one to flat out deny your involvement. He was adamant about it, and his passion caused Penelope to second guess the others.

Of course she would never say that out loud, but it caused her to do some digging. She remembered how upset you were about the flowers, and she wasn't sold on the narrative that you had planned this for recognition and praise.

"Is it possible for you to-"

"Already ahead of you sir. I got into the system and looked for interferences. And it shows that she was the one who got into the camera systems as well, only a few minutes after the documents had all been changed. And it was her badge that scanned into the office." Penelope cuts Hotch off, eager to share what she learned from her sleuthing.

Hotch nods his head shortly and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. There are only a few people in this building with the kind of expertise to be able to pull something like this off. But he is apprehensive to accuse anyone of anything without further, concrete proof.

"Can you send this to me, along with the edit history?" Hotch stands from the seat and goes to leave Penelope's office, who sends him the video right away.

Being no stranger to situations like these, Hotch knows he has to keep this investigation under wraps. Especially if the team has seemingly turned their back on you. The BAU has had their fair share of rough moments, and during those moments the team always stuck together. But for some reason, this caused everyone to doubt you. It just isn't adding up to Hotch.

He returns to his office and looks out into the bullpen. Everyone is working diligently and he plans on how to handle this. While he forms a plan, he picks up his phone and makes an important call.

-----

"What do you mean I can't go in?" You ask Spencer, who just got off the phone with Hotch. Spencer sighs and sets his phone down on the coffee table. Running a hand through his hair he answers,

"Hotch said it's best if you stay out of the office while he figures out what's going on. He didn't say much about specifics, just that it would be best if you didn't come in." The words feel like a hot knife being pushed through your heart. Does this mean you're under investigation? Will you be suspended from the bureau?

You sit down on the couch, shocked about what's happening. As if being stalked wasn't bad enough, it might actually cost you your job? Not only your job, but some of the closest friends you've ever had?

Rubbing your eyes, you try to make sense of it all, but you just can't. There has to be something you're missing. There's a missing piece of the puzzle, that one piece would complete the picture. But now, it's just fragmented and incoherent.

"What am I missing? There were the flowers, the document changes, the re-tagged evidence, the tampered video, and now the folder." You speak, mostly to yourself but you know Spencer is listening as well.

You rub your temples as you try to connect the dots. Obviously it tells you that there's a stalker, and the evidence points in the direction of that stalker working for the bureau but you cannot figure out why the stalker would take those specific actions.

"Whatever it is, we will find it and we will find who is doing this." Spencer's voice is low and even, the determination is obvious. He moves to sit next to you, his leg only a few inches from yours.

You turn your head and look at him. His hair is disheveled from the amount of times he's run a hand through it in frustration, but it's charming.

"And what if we don't? Spencer you know how these things end." You simply state. As you say the words you realize you're not speaking as a profiler, but rather like a victim. And you're not sure how that makes you feel.

Spencer places his hand on top of your thigh and gives a reassuring squeeze; your heart races with the contact and you try to hide the feeling so that he can't perceive it on your face. The way his eyes dart down to your cheeks and lips make you think you didn't do a great job of hiding it. His tongue wets his lips and he goes to move a piece of your hair behind your ear.

"I don't care how many times I have to repeat myself. But I promise you that I will not rest until we find who is doing this to you. I will hunt down the man who is making your life miserable, and I will make him pay for what he's done." His words are laced with malice and venom. You nod your head and swallow, unable to think of anything coherent to say.

After a few moments, Spencer squeezes your thigh again before he gets back up to analyze the folder for the thousandth time. As he walks away, your heart swells with gratitude, and your skin buzzes where his hand was.

-----

Spencer walks into work with a feeling he can't quite place residing in his chest. It's something raw, and intense. His focus feels like it's been dialed to 100.

While he felt bad for leaving you at home alone, he knew that he would be able to do his best work here, without distractions. He had dedicated every piece of evidence to memory and was sure he would see the full picture soon.

But until then, he's got a job to do. And that job is to track down whoever is making your life a living nightmare. Spencer is unable to find the words to describe how upset he is every time he sees you looking over your shoulder in fear, or fending off sleep because of anxiety.

He hadn't felt a rage like this in a long time.

Spencer drops his bag on his desk and walks to Hotch's office. During the call Hotch made to tell you to stay home, he had also told Spencer that they needed to talk as soon as he got in. He isn't sure whether or not it's in your defense, but he knows it has to deal with your situation.

Hotch's back is turned when Spencer enters and as he turns around Spencer sees the file in hand and the scowl on Hotch's face.

"Please, sit." Hotch takes a seat and motions for Spencer to take the one across from the desk. Spencer tries to get a glimpse of the file Hotch has, but he's unsuccessful.

"We have some things to discuss." Hotch speaks again with a sigh. Spencer nods, agreeing. He only hopes Hotch believes you're innocent as well, or else he fears this discussion might become heated.

"You've probably already seen the electronic records with her credentials and the tampered video, I assume?" Hotch questions.

"Yes, I've seen them." Spencer doesn't give more information than necessary, not until he knows which side Hotch is on.

"Give me your unbiased professional opinion." Hotch leans forward on his desk, fingers interlaced and elbows resting on the wood. Spencer blinks a few times, trying to formulate an opinion void of personal feelings.

What he realizes is that he's been handling this entire case almost entirely with his personal feelings. But he recovers quickly and soon finds the words he's looking for.

"I think that she is being stalked by someone who works here. But not a regular agent, I believe it's someone pretty high up." Spencer says. Hotch nods, stoic expression not revealing anything.

"And why do you believe that?" He tilts his head just slightly to the right, something that tells Spencer that Hotch is genuinely interested in what he has to say. It's one of his small giveaways.

"Well, there are only a few people here that would have the expertise and ability to access and change credential logs like that, and to be able to get into the system and change the video. It would also take someone within the bureau to know where she's located at within the building, to send the flowers to. And whoever it is would have enough working knowledge to know how to retag evidence properly." Spencer rattles off, becoming more and more confident with his theory as he speaks. It's like saying this all out loud is helping him connect the dots.

Hotch takes a moment and nods while he studies Spencer's face and body language. It's usual profiler behavior and Spencer has seen him do this hundreds of times before with other people.

"But what else?" Hotch eventually asks. Spencer's shoulders tense up and his eyebrows scrunch together.

"What do you mean?" Spencer questions, recounting the evidence and what he explained. What more could there possibly be to say?

"You raised you hand like you had something else to add onto your explanation, but then you said nothing. What else were you going to say?" Spencer curses Hotch for being so observant just this once. With a sigh, Spencer decides it's easier to just lay everything out as plainly as possible.

"I know she didn't do it because I was with her the nights before everything happened, for the most part." Spencer doesn't elaborate any further, wanting to keep your relationship with him as much to himself as possible. Hotch's eyebrows raise in surprise, but he recovers quickly.

"I see. You'll be glad to hear I don't think she did any of this either. But what we think and what we can prove are two different things here." Spencer is all too familiar with this premise.

In fact, the similarities between this and his wrongful imprisonment are beginning to share too many things in common. You're being framed just as he was, evidence was planted and tampered with, and you're scared out of your mind because you don't know how this is going to end.

But not only that, he remembers in vivid detail how you helped him find sobriety after Tobias Hankel, how you stayed by his side through the entire journey when he was terrified. And he remembers how supportive you were when Maeve died right in front of him. You had shown him love and compassion when he thought neither of those things existed. It was you who stuck beside him through it all.

Spencer remembers the fear of being framed and the anxieties that accompanies the unknown. He hates that you're experiencing this, and he so badly wants to take it all away. And he knows the only way he can do that is to catch whoever is doing this. Now it's his turn to return the favor, to stick with you until the end. With strong resolve, he leans forward in his seat.

"So what's our next move?" Spencer asks Hotch, ready to put in as much work is needed.

Hotch nods his head and explains to Spencer his plan. It's simple, but should be effective.

-----

Hours later, Spencer sits at his desk, trying to look like he's busy. All he can think about is how you're doing back home, he worries that you're scared and wants nothing more than to run back to you; to keep you safe and away from the man wreaking havoc.

His daydreams are cut short as the agent from the IT department walks through the doors. The agent walks into Hotch's office where Hotch asks him to see if he can find any evidence of credential fraud.

The agent sits down at your desk and Spencer can't help but notice how nervous he looks. His shoulders are tense and his eyes are darting every which way as he acquaints himself with your space. Spencer's eyes narrow in suspicion and decides to keep a close eye on the man.

Spencer finds an old report and acts busy, when in reality he's watching the man's every move with careful and clinical eyes. He notices how the agent's eyes linger on the flowers sitting on your desk, and how he keeps momentarily looking at your photos.

Alarm bells are sounding off in Spencer's mind and he has to remind himself to keep calm. He reminds himself of what's at stake and forces a nonchalant demeanor. His knuckles turn white with how tightly he's gripping the paper in his hands and he's thankful the agent isn't a profiler, otherwise it would be a dead giveaway about just how angry Spencer is.

The agent works diligently, and then Spencer sees it. The man's shoulders go rigid, he holds a breath, and his eyes grow ever so slightly larger. He swallows and looks around the office before returning his focus on the screen in front of him. Spencer pretends not to notice.

While the agent is obviously dealing with some sort of turmoil, Spencer is envisioning lunging across the table at him and demanding answers. When he realizes his train of thought, Spencer knows he hasn't had these kinds of violent thoughts since he spent time in prison.

And somehow, he's okay with it. He knows that if it led to finding answers that he would be okay doing whatever it takes. He's also quick to understand the lengths he's willing to go for you and the risks he's fully prepared to take.

Abruptly and without a word, the agent returns to Hotch's office, just out of earshot from Spencer. And within minutes the agent is hightailing it out of the office, not even sparing a passing glance.

Curiosity gets the better of him and Spencer goes to speak with Hotch almost immediately. Sitting behind his desk with a troubled look on his face, Hotch's eyes flick to Spencer as he enters the room.

"Please, close the door and have a seat. We have some things to discuss. There's been a slight change in plans." Spencer closes the door quickly before taking a seat in front of Hotch's desk.

Spencer's heart beats heavily in his chest and it's like he can feel the blood pumping through his veins. Before Hotch says a word, Spencer knows that whatever he is about to say is nothing good.

"What happened?" Spencer barely recognizes the serious tone of his voice. Hotch sighs,

"The agent told me he found evidence of AES 128 bit encryption." Hotch says and Spencer's heart sinks.

"Rijndael Algorithm. It's never been cracked before." Spencer says, his heart rate increasing as his mind processes what this means for the case.

"I'm going to put Garcia up to the challenge. But I believe you're right, whoever is doing this is very intelligent and has a lot of access to our systems. With that said, I'm going to have her placed under twenty-four hour surveillance." Hotch says matter of factly. Spencer shakes his head,

"I'll be there at night, she wouldn't want to be constantly watched like that." He tries to advocate for the least invasive surveillance possible. Deep down he knows that the twenty-four hour monitoring is safest, he also knows you're likely to protest about it.

"I believe in your abilities to keep her safe. I'll put in for twelve hour surveillance, with additional overtime as needed." Hotch nods his head and Spencer thanks him.

The only thing on his mind now is getting back to you as quickly as he possibly can.

-----

You jump as loud knocks on the front door echo through your apartment. Normally you would go and answer it without a second thought, but you catch yourself worrying about who is on the other side.

Three more knocks sound off and you approach the door cautiously.

"Hey it's just me." Spencer's voice can be heard through the door and you release the breath you had been holding.

You answer the door for him and he wastes no time coming in. He turns and locks the door as soon as he's inside and he doesn't bother taking his shoes off before he's buzzing around. He's closing the curtains and pulling the couch away from the window like a mad man with thirty seconds to complete the mission.

"Spencer what's going on?" You feel a new wave of anxiety bubble up within you. You've never seen him act like this before.

Spencer stops moving around and you see him take a deep breath. He rubs his eye with the palm of his hand, and your eyes grow wide. You've seen that mannerism before, but you haven't seen it in so long. Something bad happened while he was at work today. Something very bad.

When he opens his eyes he walks up to you, leaving only a few inches between the two of you. He places his hands on your shoulders and looks into your eyes.

You see a tenderness in them, but you also notice almost a crazed intensity, like his mind is working a hundred miles a second and he's having trouble keeping up with himself.

"I will explain everything shortly. But please let me do this first." You nod wordlessly and watch as he walks back into the living space. He tosses blankets over the curtain rods to make sure nobody can see through the windows.

He rolls his sleeves up to his elbows and moves the couch even farther away from the window. And just for a split second your fear is forgotten as you admire the way his biceps flex under the material of his shirt.

There's something about his behavior that seems different, and you can't help but be attracted to it. Like a moth to a flame or a bee to clovers, your eye is drawn to every move, every flex of a muscle.

After he's satisfied with the changes, he walks over to the dining table and opens the folder. You had put away all of the photographs earlier, you couldn't stand the feeling of having them out in the open, it was like they were taunting you.

Spencer spreads the materials back out across the table and leans forward. You see his eyes dart over all of the pictures and the notes before he stands back to his full height and tugs at his tie, loosening it from his neck.

Your eyes stay glued to him as you step forward. His eyes glance from the photos to you and you can see how his face instantly softens.

"Will you tell me what happened now?" You ask and he nods, gesturing for you to join him on the couch.

You listen intently as he explains that Hotch believes you're innocent and that he had called in one of the IT workers. And a fresh wave of nausea came over you as he explained the encryption that was found. This most definitely is not just some guy, no, this is the work of someone sophisticated and organized.

"But, listen to me, I will not rest until we find him. Believe me, there is no obstacle too challenging. I promise you that I will not stop until you're safe again." Spencer says following a few moments of tense silence.

You've done so well to hold your emotions together, well, the best you could anyways. Up until this point it was only fear that you felt, but that fear has morphed into several other things much more terrifying than simple fear. You bite your bottom lip to keep it from trembling and blink rapidly to keep from crying.

Your breaths are shaky and you look down at your lap. This is no longer just affecting you, but the whole team as well. Spencer and Hotch are willing to go out on a limb to prove your innocence while the others are convinced of your guilt. You feel guilty about the anger you harbor for your teammates who don't believe you. And truthfully, you don't know how you will be able to move forward after this.

This stalker has already taken from you something near and dear to your heart; they've taken your team.

It's then, when you accept the reality of what is, that you let the first tear fall. It's full of anger and sadness and remorse, and just a little bit of love.

Spencer envelopes you in his arms and the dam breaks. He holds you close to his chest, your tears staining his shirt. But he doesn't seem to mind. No, instead he hugs you tightly and presses the most delicate of kisses to the top of your head. You grab onto the front of his shirt and let the emotions finally break free.

-----

Spencer cradles you in his arms and as you cry it breaks his heart just a little more with each sob. He hates seeing you in such distress. Once you finally calm down a little, you sniffle and look up at him with wide, watery eyes.

"They don't believe me." Your words shatter his heart completely.

"Don't worry about them. You're all that matters right now." He says, running a hand up and down your back to try and soothe you. 

But your words remind him that he needs to speak with the team about this situation. Even he can't believe they've apparently turned against you so easily. It makes his blood boil; the team is supposed to stick with each other, not work against one another. He does his best to suppress his own anger towards them, knowing that if he expresses his distress that it will likely only make you more upset.

Instead, he focuses on nothing except you in his arms, and his anger dissipates almost immediately. He doesn't think he'll ever admit it out loud, but he secretly loves the way you cling to him. He loves how you trust him, how you confide in him, how you've taken care of him and stuck beside him through thick and thin. He loves the way your smile brightens his day, and how even the smallest glance sends butterflies soaring through him.

He presses another kiss to the top of your head as he realizes and admits to himself for the first time that he's in love with you.

He is absolutely and undeniably in love with you. And God help whoever threatens his love.

Part Five

---------------------------------------------

taglist: @yondiii @juhdoche @themarauderseraslut @shardsofmarxx @mel-vaz @bippityboppityboob1tch @babyspiderling @honestlyloving @emisback @thatredlipped-classic @desperately-seeking-serotonin @threespacemonkeys @small-and-violent @ropickle @honestlybabymiracle @hiireadstuff @suckstobrlaurie

[juminsmysticmc]

Hii☺️So, we have RFA+Minor trio being single fathers after Mc's death, what about reversing it?So that Mc is a single mother after they died(

I waited really long to finally make a request and I am very excited right now, especially since it's you.I really love your writings and I read all of them for like a dozen of times and I can't get enough of them😍Thank you so much for your work and stay healthy 🙏🏻

Mc being a single mom after the RFA + Minor Trio died    ( Trigger Warnings! ) 

Trigger Warnings, mention of death, parental death

RFA + Minor Trio as single fathers after Mc’s death (Parental death/ Trigger Warnings)

Did I mention that I like drama? Enjoy! 

Jumin

You pressed your lips together as tears went down your cheek. The baby you just gave birth to was sleeping in Jaehee‘s arms as you sobbed into Zen‘s embrace.

,,It‘s as if he planned everything,“ you sobbed, making your red haired friend shake with his head.

,,When he found out you were pregnant, he made me do all this. He didn’t plan to die a month after the birth of your baby, really, he just feared that if something happened to him, his father would have acted the way he did,“ Seven explained.

The reason why you were currently staying over at Jaehee‘s place was that Jumin died a week ago. One day you let him go out of the front door, still smiling as he kissed your newborn, and not even half an hour later, you found yourself in the hospital.

Someone shot him.

And as if it wasn’t enough, your father in law tried to take away your baby, saying that he had to give his grandchild a better life.

But Jumin, even in heaven, saved you once again, saving a lot of money and having an external saving method thanks to Seven.

He even left behind a letter to his father filled with lies, explaining that the baby wasn’t his child.

Of course everything was a lie, but this lie made it possible for you to see your baby grow up.

,,I can’t even go to my husband’s-” your words died in tears.

,,He will always look over you, Mc, and we’ll help you. It will all be better soon…“ Zen patted your back. He too was mourning for his friend.

Zen

,,Mommy, do I really look like daddy?“ your youngest girl asked you as she brushed her long white hair.

You gulped as you looked over to your oldest daughter.

Her eyes were again filled with tears.

Zen died two years ago, leaving you behind with three wonderful children.

You had to give up your job as manager and instead began to work part time in a restaurant at night and other little jobs while the girls were at school.

,,Daddy… I don‘t even remember him,“ your middle child hissed as she entered the room.

,,I don’t even know him, that’s worse!“ your youngest began to sob.

She indeed looked like Zen. He would have been proud to see her beauty.

Well, he was proud of every daughter he had. He loved them with all his heart.

,,Trust me, I would rather not remember him than live with memories,“ your oldest daughter Mina hissed as she put down her lipstick and rushed out.

You sighed as you looked at your little family.

You were all sleeping in one single room. No one had their own space and instead they all argued with each other whenever they had the chance.

,,You’re always so negative, MINA!“ your middle child Hana hissed, followed by the youngest, Sera.

,,I HATE YOU GUYS! HE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!“ she screamed, making your heart stop.

Mina glared at her and fell on her feet as she began to scream a loud, high pitched scream.

,,SERA RYU!“ you screamed.

The house died down as only sniffles were heard.

,,Your father died when the three of you caught a virus. He was trying to go to the shop for some medicine, but that doesn’t mean that one of you is at fault, understand?“ you hissed.

You sat down and began to cry yourself as you called them over into your arms, ready to embrace your crying children.

,,No one is at fault. Please, please don’t fight, girls, your father would be devastated to see that,“ you begged.

,,Sera, you do look like dad,“ Mina sobbed and smiled, making your youngest smile brightly.

Yoosung

Your son finally fell asleep after a long crying session.

Nothing hurt you more than consoling your son who was in deep pain because he got bullied at school for not having a father.

Yoosung died six months ago, making you move into a tinier apartment which led to your son attending another school.

However, you regretted every single decision.

You pulled your phone out as you tried to dry your salty tears.

You entered a new chatroom as you asked for help.

,,What happened? Shall I come over?“ Jumin responded, being the first one online.

,,I can come quicker, I‘m omw,“ Zen shortly afterwards responded.

,,No no, I just…

Can you please bring Jinyoung to school tomorrow? He got bullied… I think if other children see him with you guys, they will respect him more,“ you wrote.

Of course Seven jumped in and wrote six lines about how happy he would be to play ⅓ of a father, making you actually choke on your tears.

,,Thank you,“ you typed and decided to bring your son to bed.

Indeed the three boys kept their promise, making him laugh like never before.

Jaehee

,,And that‘s how we met,“ you laughed as you told your son about the meeting between you and Jaehee.

He nodded as he looked at the picture over the table.

It portrayed you, him, and Jaehee on his first day of school.

Jaehee died a year ago from an illness.

It all went so quickly. One day she got diagnosed and a few months later the two of you prepared the funeral for her.

As if it was yesterday, you remembered picking up your son and driving him to the hospital to give Jaehee the chance to see him one last time.

And indeed, it was their last goodbyes.

Jaehee would never see him finishing school, university, or begin a job, fall in love, or try to cheer him up while being lovesick.

She would never see him get married or have his first child.

It hurt your heart to know that you were the only one left for him.

On the other side, Jaehee was happy that at least he had you. ,,How did your favorite TikTok go?“ she groaned.

,,Take him to the moon for me,“ she whispered.

,,Mom was a strong woman,“ you told your son as a tear left your eye.

,,You too, Mommy, you too.“

Saeyoung 

You sighed as you turned off your alarm to get off the bed.

It was still dark outside, but you had to wake up with the last strength you had. You pulled yourself together and walked back to the kitchen where you prepared some breakfast for your child.

Like every morning, reality hit you as you silently sobbed while putting some rice into the bento box.

Your hands trembled as you looked up, just to gasp for air and keep going.

It was hard ever since Saeyoung died. Things weren’t going well for you.

You thanked God daily for the remaining person you had, that you had friends and family who supported you.

But you also begged God to make this bad life end. Even though it was selfish, you just wanted to see your family again.

Even if Jaehee often tried to make you understand how lucky you were, even at the times where Jumin promised to help you with the medical expenses, even at those times when Yoosung came over to cook dinner, and even at those times when Zen promised to go with your and your child to the park, you just wanted this to end.

You inhaled again and dried your tears as you made yourself a cup of coffee.

,,Good morning, baby,’’ you whispered as you turned on the lights of your son’s room.

,,Mo….m,’’ the boy groaned, probably in pain as you helped him get up to sit on his wheelchair.

,,Wet…’’ he gasped as you noticed that he wet his bed again.

,,It’s okay, baby, don’t worry,’’ you smiled, pushing the chair through the door, passing at the picture of Saeyoung, Saeran, and your two perfectly healthy children.

That day, Saeyoung didn’t just die in a car accident from speeding, he also took his brother and one of your children with him, leaving you with your second son disabled by the accident.

,,It’s okay,’’ you whispered.

Saeran

You looked up to the ceiling as you felt a warm, little hand on your chest.

Turning your head, you could see how relaxed the face of your daughter was as she slept safely and soundly, not worrying about anything or anyone.

You smiled as you saw how much she resembled Saeran, her father.

Your hand moved to stroke her head as you remembered the day you told him that you were pregnant, how he cared for you and his daughter in the pregnancy, how hard labor was, and how emotional it was when he once again decided to save his brother after seeing his own daughter.

,,He would be happy to see her,’’ he said after she was newly born and he was finally allowed to hold her in his embrace.

As if it was yesterday, you remembered how he taught her to walk, how he stood behind her while going to the park and how much he loved to feed her.

This all disappeared one day.

In the morning, he told you that he might have found Saeyoung and in the evening he came home, beaten up with a shotgun wound, collapsing in front of your porch.

It was your worst nightmare and you were honestly happy that this all happened at night, knowing that back then, your three year old daughter wouldn’t have seen anything.

Ever since then, life became harder.

You moved, fearing the Prime Minister or the agency Saeyoung was in would track you down and kill your daughter. The RFA kept helping you guys, but questions like, ,,Where is Dada’’ weren’t always easy to respond to.

,,Mommy,’’ she mumbled and opened her eyes, smiling brightly at you and rubbing her eyes to wake up.

,,Mhhh?’’ you asked her.

,,Daddy visited my dreams…’’ she giggled and fell asleep again, making you wander back to old memories too.

Jihyun

,,Mom, I don’t understand my homework,’’ Lucy said, whispering as she entered the room as quietly as possible.

You looked back to her and nodded as you looked back to the little bed your son was in before you walked away, your hand on Lucy’s hair as you smiled at her.

,,What topic?’’ you asked her.

You noticed that she was hesitating so it was probably art since it was related to her father.

,,Art?’’ you asked her to make it easier for her. She had a pretty hard time ever since Jihyun died, well, you too. You all had a pretty hard time.

Jumin wasn’t the same person anymore, or so Jaehee said. Yoosung seemed to regret a few things, and Saeran and Saeyoung were grieving, just like Zen.

Everyone was in pain after the painful death of that one special person.

,,Our teacher told us to draw a painful happy moment but… how am I supposed to make something happy if it’s supposed to be painful?’’ she asked you.

You nodded. ,,Well, describe something painful. What is painful?’’ you asked her.

,,Getting hurt is painful, falling is painful, getting hit is painful…’’

,,How about losing someone?’’ you asked her, making her think about it for a few seconds before she asked you if it wasn’t something sad instead of painful. 

You nodded. ,,When I told you that daddy wouldn’t come home anymore back then when you were younger, do you remember how you felt?’’ you asked her.

,,Did your heart hurt? Did you feel scared and suffocated? Wasn’t it painful?’’ you asked her and even though you could see that she was tearing up, you knew that this was something the two of you had to talk about.

Indeed, Lucy closed up about her feelings ever since then, but this was also a good opportunity.

,,Now, think of a happy moment with your father. Isn’t it something painful but a happy moment as well?’’ you asked her and got up, knowing that she knew what to do.

A week later, you were invited to see your daughter receive a prize for the most beautiful portrait of Jihyun as an angel looking down at the world, a painful and happy moment for everyone who knew him.

Vanderwood

,,Mommy,’’ your son asked you, pulling at your shirt as you stood in front of the stove.

,,Mhhh?’’ you asked him without looking as you were cooking.

,,Why did Daddy leave us?’’ he asked you out of the blue, making you stop everything and look at him.

,,The fish is burning,’’ he suddenly said as he saw the flames, making you shriek and quickly take care of everything.

After everything was taken care of, you took him in your arms and showed him a few pictures of his father.

For now, you never showed him his father. You never dared to speak about Vanderwood, fearing that your son wouldn’t understand your words, but by now you learned that he was much stronger than you ever thought.

,,This is your father, Vanderwood. He didn’t leave because he wanted to, he was kind of forced to,’’ you told him, gulping down the bad feeling you had as your heart began to beat quickly.

,,And why is he gone?’’ he asked you, softly touching the picture of a cool looking brown haired man.

This was on the day you two went to eat after you craved a salad and ice cream.

,,He had an important job to do,’’ you explained. Of course you didn’t tell him that the agency tracked him down and killed him brutally while he tried to keep you, his heavily pregnant, hidden.

,,And what is he doing now?’’ he kept asking you as you remembered the day, as if it was yesterday, when he pushed you into the closet, begging you to close your ears and never come out until called you.

However, that call never came. Instead, Saeyoung pulled you out moments later. You didn’t remember how much time passed.

You just knew that he asked you to keep your eyes closed as he led the way out of the room.

,,He is now protecting you, me, uncle Saeyoung, uncle Saeran, uncle Jumin, uncle Zen, uncle Yoosung and aunt Jaehee,’’ you answered with a smile.

How much he would have loved to meet his son, you were sure.

He was your happiness after all, the last memento of Vanderwood.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

26.07.2021// 00:13 MEST

[farfromsugafanfic]

Sutures - Chapter Two: Conjugate

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): invasions of privacy

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

Notes: This was originally written and completed on Wattpad between 2018 and the beginning of 2020. I’ll be slowly posting the chapters here. I may make a tag list depending on if enough people want to follow along with updates. Leave me some feedback if you would like added to a tag list.

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You sighed as the nurse pulled the IV out of your arm. The muscles in your body relaxing for the first time in hours.

"There we are," the nurse said. "Looks like you'll be out of here in a few hours. Just make sure not to get too far from that man of yours."

You smiled up at her, not wanting to explain that he wasn't your man and that you'd only just learned his name from a news broadcast a few hours ago. When Eunji had texted you that he was an idol, you'd thought she was joking. She was drunk after all and probably would've called any guy flirting with you an idol.

"This is crazy," Eunji said. "What're you going to do?"

"I don't know," you said. "I guess I'll have to contact him somehow."

"Did you get his number?"

"No, we never intended to see each other again."

"Well, he's looking for you."

---

"Jang Sumi?" a man asked, knocking politely as he entered.

"Yes?"

He bowed politely as he entered.

"I'm Bang Sihyuk, CEO of BigHit Entertainment," he said.

Your eyes grew wide and you immediately bowed, feeling slightly embarrassed you hadn't recognized him and done so before.

"We would like to discuss a proposal with you. If you'd please sit down," he said, pointing to the newly made hospital bed.

You sat down and the man sat down in the chair Eunji sat when you first awoke. "We have reason to believe you are Min Yoongi's soulmate. I'm sure the doctors have already explained that this means the two of you must remain near each other."

You nodded.

"In order to protect his career, we would like you to move into the BTS dorm. We will pay you and compensate you for any trouble."

"What about my career?" you asked.

The man nodded, his shoulders relaxing as if he'd expected you to question him.

"We've done our research and you're an English tutor? You can continue online sessions and do occasional in-person sessions away from the dorm. We don't want to take away your livelihood by any means. We want to protect both of you."

Your mind overflowed with thoughts. You'd be living with seven guys. Seven idols. Would girls get jealous? Would their fans even know? You had too many questions for the man to possibly answer.

You could certainly use the extra money and without having to pay rent, it would allow you to begin saving money. Something you'd wanted since you'd moved out.

You'd have to work less though, but you were sure the compensation that BigHit offered would be more than enough to make up for the fewer hours.

"All right," you said. "As long as I can keep my job, I agree."

---

"Boys, this is Jang Sumi," Bang PD said.

You bowed to the seven boys in front of you, secretly wishing the much more charming Eunji hadn't gone home. Even though it was obvious they had rushed to the hospital based on the various array of sweatpants and messy hair, they all still looked gorgeous.

The boys bowed back and their gazes wandered down to your neck, their eyes wide. You hadn't noticed the bruises there from the night before. You shyly broke eye contact and looked over to Yoongi who sat with his feet dangling off the hospital bed.

You met his dark eyes. Instead of the mysterious and hungry look they'd held the night before, they now looked exhausted and slightly annoyed. His gaze left yours momentarily as his eyes looked down at the bruises on your neck. His face remained expressionless except for a small flick of his tongue between his lips.

"The doctors need to run a few more tests and talk with Yoongi and Sumi," Bang PD said. "We should leave them alone"

The six other boys filed out of the room and you took a seat on the bed next to Yoongi, leaving a large space between you, so that it would be nearly impossible to accidentally brush against one another.

"Hi," you said. "So, it's been an interesting day, huh?"

The boy didn't respond and before you could make more futile attempts to fill the silence two doctors walked into the room.

"Min Yoongi and Jang Sumi?"

You both nodded and bowed.

"All right, I know this is all a bit overwhelming right now, but once we all discuss and decide on the various options, I'm sure you'll feel better." The doctor flipped a few pages on his clipboard before looking back up at you. "So, as you both know, this is still a fairly rare condition. Finding one's soulmate and having it cause heart attack like symptoms is not well understood. Due to this, we request at least monthly check-ups for at least the first year for both of you to ensure your heart is okay and to check your overall health. The rest depends on how the two of you choose to proceed. Are you two currently in a relationship?"

"No," you both answered.

The doctor nodded.

"The easiest and best way to proceed is to attempt a relationship. While it might be awkward at first, for your overall general health, it will be the best way to adjust and will allow the withdrawals to be less frequent and violent in the future. If--"

"No," Yoongi said. "We can't do a relationship."

"What do you mean?" you asked, your head whipping around to face him. The last thing you wanted was to be in a relationship with a man you barely knew, especially the day after you'd officially ended it with your ex. But if the doctors said it was the best way to deal with the situation, you were inclined to listen.

"It's for both of our own good," he said. "You have no idea what a relationship with an idol would be like."

"Well, there are other options," the doctor said, glancing between the two of you. "If you truly don't want to be together, we can work on trying to weaken or even sever the connection between you. It is rare and difficult to do, but it has been achieved. You will have to stay in the same building as the other person most of the time. There do seem to be some exceptions such as work or situations where the other absolutely can't be present. However, at first, these withdrawals will be powerful and you may not be able to leave the building without the other person at all. For the first week, we suggest not doing so.

"In order to attempt to sever the connection, we will have to monitor your mental health and work to keep the relationship on track. While you don't have to remain distant from each other, it is important to not have feelings for each other, or else it will not work. You will have monthly or bi-weekly appointments with a psychiatrist who is trained to work with cases like this.

"You will also experience something we like to call urges. These are instances of extreme attraction to one another. It will be extremely difficult to be apart from each other during these times. It is important that you be together in these times, but if you are choosing not to pursue a relationship, you must do your best to resist the attraction."

After the doctor was done explaining everything and had recorded your decision to attempt and sever the connection, they drew blood from both of you and allowed you to leave.

---

You'd spent the rest of the day packing. Your things were going to be confined mostly to one room, meaning you had to downsize and choose what was most important to you.

You heard a knock on the door and before you could answer it, it was already open and Eunji and the entirety of BTS came through your door.

"Sorry if I scared you," Eunji said. "I let them in."

"Sumi," the tallest one said. He was the leader, Kim Namjoon, according to Google. You figured you should at least try to learn your new roommates. He introduced himself and the rest of the boys, other than Yoongi. "We decided to help you pack up before the movers get here. I'm sure it's quite overwhelming to have to move all of a sudden."

"Yes," you said. "This is very sweet. I guess, um, you could help clean up a bit? I haven't had a chance to clean the kitchen since I got home. And, maybe someone else wouldn't mind getting dinner?"

"No problem," Namjoon said, motioning to the members.

"I'll be in my bedroom if you have any questions or need me for anything."

Eunji was already bonding with the younger members of the band and showed them where all of the cleaning supplies were kept. You smiled at her ability to make friends quickly and headed back to your bedroom.

Your suitcase laid open on your bed as you sorted through your clothes, trying to decide what to keep. You'd already packed the essentials, the rest of your closet spread out around the suitcase.

You felt something soft beneath your foot. You bent down and picked up the fabric, recognizing it as the dress you'd worn out the night before. You hated to leave it behind it, but you weren't sure you would need such a nice dress again. And if you did, you could just borrow one of Eunji's. You folded the dress and were attempting to make a decision when a knock sounded on your door.

"Come in."

The door opened and Yoongi walked in. He wore a beanie, a sweatshirt, and a pair of jeans. You almost liked the more casual look on him more than the slightly more dressed up look he'd worn when you first met. You weren't sure if you truly liked it better or if it was just the connection between you talking.

"Sorry to intrude," he said. "I was just wondering if you needed any more help? The rest of the boys pretty much have it handled out there."

You tried to put aside the resentment you felt for the boy from earlier in the day when he so bluntly decided not to follow the best option and try the relationship.

"You can pack up my knitting stuff," you said pointing over to your desk in the corner where you kept yarn, knitting needles, and the various guides. "Just be careful not to tangle the different yarns together."

He nodded and grabbed an empty box and carefully placing each skein in the box. You turned back to the dress in your hands. You fingered the soft fabric and sighed as you went to set aside. Before you could set the dress with the rest of your discarded clothes, you felt a hand take it from you. You looked up at Yoongi, who held the dress and placed it into the suitcase.

"It looks good on you."

---

"You like to knit?" Yoongi asked, a few minutes later.

"Yeah," you said. "It calms me down when I'm stressed."

He nodded as he placed the rest of the items from the desk into the box.

"Sumi!" someone called from the hallway.

"What do you want us to do with this?" one of the boys asked, you believed his name was Jimin, followed by a blond-haired boy, Taehyung. Jimin dangled your stuffed cat in the air, a smirk across his face.

"Hey!" you said. "Don't hold Kitty that way!"

The boy laughed as you snatched the stuffed animal from him. One of Kitty's button eyes was loose and dangled slightly, causing her eyes to look uneven.

"You named it Kitty?" Jimin asked laughing.

Eunji came into the room. She seemed slightly annoyed with the two boys who had run off from their duties.

"I was four!" you said, looking down at the stuffed cat. "Besides, it's an English name!"

"All right, all right," Jimin said, relenting his taunts. "Do you want to take Kitty or not?"

You made eye contact with Eunji who's eyes were wide. She knew what Kitty meant to you, but Kitty was also falling apart. Her eye was the least of her trouble, you'd sewed the majority of her seams back together multiple times. You didn't want to risk Kitty getting lost or falling apart altogether. You knew it was time to let her go.

"She is pretty old and I'm getting too old for toys anyway. Um, I guess put her in with the donation pile." You handed the stuffed animal back to Jimin who took it and hesitantly walked from the room.

You felt tears pricking at your eyes, but you held them back and went back to sorting through your clothes. The task felt harder all of a sudden, but eventually, you finished, zipping up the suitcase.

---

It was late by the time you arrived at the dorm. It was huge, the biggest apartment you'd ever seen. It was surprisingly clean for being inhabited by seven boys, but you figured they were just too busy to cause much of a mess.

The extra bedroom they'd been using as storage was already clear for you. You made your bed and then opened your suitcase and began emptying it into the dresser.

"Need some help?" Namjoon asked, standing in the doorway.

You smiled at the boy as he began sorting your clothes, making it easier for you to put away.

"Thank you," you said. "I'm exhausted and I'm honestly dreading the rest of the boxes getting here tomorrow."

He nodded.

"We've moved a lot," he said. "Sometimes I feel more tired after moving than dance practice."

You both laughed lightly.

"They told me you're an English tutor?"

"Yeah," you said.

"It'll be nice having someone else who can speak English."

"None of the other boys can?"

He shook his head.

"No, they all understand a little. But none of them are fluent."

"We'll have to change that then," you said, laughing.

"How'd you learn it?"

"My mom grew up in the US. Her parents were from here but moved to the US when my mom was a baby. She met my dad when she was here visiting family and she ended up moving when they got married. So, I grew up speaking both Korean and English. My parents recently moved to the US actually, to be closer to my grandparents."

"Wow," he said. "That's a better story than mine. I just watched Friends."

You laughed.

"That's more impressive though. You taught yourself. I kind of just learned it the same time I learned Korean."

You felt some of the nerves you'd felt coming into the dorm beginning to leave you. While you were sure it would talk longer for you to adjust, the boys had all tried to be as helpful and welcoming as possible. Even Yoongi. Despite the fact he'd barely talked to you, he still helped pack up your apartment.

"Sumi," you heard another voice say. You turned around and saw Yoongi standing in the doorway, his eyes focused on his phone. "We have a problem."

"What?" you asked, your eyebrows knitting together.

"Someone found your shoes."

"My shoes? You mean, the ones I left at the bar last night?"

Yoongi nodded.

"Someone is selling them online. They're using the connection to me to get attention. The bidding ends tomorrow."

You grabbed onto the dresser and tried to steady yourself. You'd expected something like this to happen eventually, but just twenty four hours after you'd even met Min Yoongi?

You heard Namjoon say something to Yoongi, but you didn't catch what it was. You felt a hand on your shoulder and saw the leader looking straight at you.

"We're going to get this figured out."

All you could do was nod.

[dimmadoome]

Echoes

Edward Nashton/Nina Damfino

---------------------------

Chapter 2: The Riddler

--------------------------

It has been six months since Eddie and I met at the Lounge. We are cuddled on the couch of my apartment. Soft blonde hair tickles my nose. It smelles like my shampoo. Tea tree oil. The stuff is almost bougie in the poor side of Gotham. It is actually probably pretty cheap for most normal people I splurge on it though. His glasses are pressed against my breast. It's a bit uncomfortable but he can't really see without them so I don't bother with taking them off of him.

We are supposed to be watching a movie but I've already forgotten what it was. It really isn't important. I'm enjoying my time with my boyfriend. We haven't gotten to see each other for a few days. He's been working a lot. That's ok though because money is money and in Gotham, we kind of need it.

Be it as it may, I never thought that the geeky man I brought back from the Iceberg lounge was going to be this sweet. He cares. I really believe he cares. I stare down ath his head as we cuddle. He has turned away from me for a moment.

My eyes flash to the screen. We put on some summer blockbuster but neither of us were interested in it. I turn my eyes back to his face.

"How are you liking the movie?" I ask him. I'm not sure he has been watching the movie at all. I just want to break the silence. The apartment is quiet right now but for the past few hours we have been talking.

We've been discussing gotham, politics, corruption and the newest vigilante of the week. Someone murdered the mayor, and left riddles behind. Fuck man. Scarecrow was bad enough.

I Hold myself to Eddie, he seems lost in thought. I feel the same. The lull in our conversation lets us hear the low volume of the movie. It holds our attention for a second before we pick up again.

"Do you think that this is going to be a continuing thing" I ask him. My skin crawls at the thought. "They say the mayor was beaten to death. The killer taped up his face. And they said that his son found him. It sounds like its like something out of seven."

I cringe a bit. I really fucking hate that movie. Its a bit nasty. Especially the gluttony part. I want to throw up just thinking about it. Every single time I think about it. Which is more often than I want to while living in Gotham. I like horror movies but that scene. The idea of someone dying that way. It turns my stomach. Its really gross.

Eddie turns to me and makes his best horrified face. The man isn't a great actor.

"What's in the BOX?!"

Eddie snorts and puts his face back on my chest chuckling. He's trying to be funny. I'm not sure how funny this really is.

I think about what he's told me. About his family and losing them. About finding his mom and dad dead. The way he described it, it had to be horrible. He can't be very comfortable with hearing about stuff like this. I almost feel sorry for the dirty look I give him. Almost.

I turn my eyes away from his and back to the ceiling. The yellow nicotine color from the hundreds of previous tennants converge in a stain above my eyes. I stare at it. Deep in thought.

"So do you think we can see the cypher the killer left?"

"What?" He looks up at me, confused.

Yeah. The news said this guy left some sort of zodiac killer like cypher"

His mouth thins while looking at me.

"Nin, the zodiac killer is dead by now, its not him."

I scoot back a bit to look at him. He's making that face again. The one he makes when he thinks I said something stupid and he needs to rectify my idiocy. He's somehow the sweetest asshole I've ever met. I roll my eyes, offended that he thinks I'm that stupid.

"Ugh. I KNOW that Eddie. I'm not stupid. I said zodiac killer like. Maybe he's a copycat?"

"Why would you want to see the cypher? " He changed the subject. Smart of him.

" I guess I'm just curious ya know, I highly doubt I could solve it, but I certainly would want to try. I mean. hell Eddie" I fall back onto the pillows on the couch and stare at the ceiling again. "I'd love to see you give it a try, you're really fucking smart. You'd probably have it solved in an hour."

I look back to see his reaction. He blushes, pale cheeks turning red. He looks away at something far off in the corner. his eyes come back to meet mine for a second.

"I don't think they would let me see it, even if I could solve it. "

He looks away again, eyes back to the movie I know he isn't watching.

"You know." I start "They're calling him The Riddler. They think he's gonna be another Joker or Scarecrow. I'm a bit scared honestly. The last two fuckers caused some pretty serious damage."

I rub the back of his shoulders. While he is face planted into my chest. His long legs dangle over the side of the yellow granny couch and onto the wooden floor underneath. He can't be comfortable like this. But he hasn't complained yet.

"And you think this one might cause more?" He sits up and reaches for the blanket to cover his lower half. It is a bit cold and we are a bit naked.

"Well. Maybe not." I reply. "The last two caused all sorts of drama. Their faces were out day one. The Joker had a purple suit and bright green hair for fucks sake. If this Riddler wants to make a name, he's got a few hurdles to cross don't he? But its Gotham. I can't put it past anyone anymore"

At this point I'm rambling. Just a bit. I move my naked feet off of my boyfriend and onto the wooden floor. The blanket slips off me and the cold slips over my skin. I'm unsure what kind of face he's giving me but he probably thinks I'm crazy.

I keep going. Digging my hole deeper. After getting caught in Scarecrows fear gas three months ago, I've been a bit jumpy when it comes to people obsessed with the Batman.

"I mean, shit. Serial killers are a dime a dozen these days. Something about lead in the water causing brain damage or something. But actual vilians, they only existed in comics. So did heroes. A man dressed as a bat? A bright purple clown? Three years ago that was fucking preposterous. Now we have a Batman and a Riddler and Joker goons running all over the place." I turn to him. He looks concerned.

"I'm scared Eddie. what if this one releases more fear toxin. Or something worse?"

His eyes soften. He reaches towards me. Holding my head to his chest. I hear his heart beat and his breath in my ear. In and out. He definitely remembers the night he got the call from Diedre that I was in containment with the other scarecrow victims. I don't think I've ever seen him that mad. He hasn't let me have a free second since. 

"I'll protect you." He says "I promise you have nothing to fear from the Riddler or anyone else in gotham. You're mine."

He says this with so much confidence. So much possessiveness that I have no choice but to believe him. I've never seen this much confidence out of Eddie. Not in the six months we have been dating. I might be in love. But I think its a bit early to tell.

I let a few tears slip onto his chest. We curl into the corner of my granny couch. I think the movie is over, but I can't tell. He won't let me go. Murmuring sweet nothing's into my ear as I stare into the TV.

He says he will protect me. I couldn't tell you if he could. But I want to believe it. I really don't know what he could do. He's a freaking accountant. Not a highly dangerous job in gotham. But hey. Whatever he could do I definitely wouldn't be any better at.

[hollanderfangirl]

Nothing lasts forever |Harry Holland|

A/N: K, I wrote this for you. @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh congratulations on 1k!!! I wrote this through a writer's block so yeah not my best work

Warnings: angst, mentions of divorce, Harry being a dick

Word count: 3k

They say love conquers all. But it’s not that simple, is it? You meet, you fall in love, you think that love is enough and when things start to go downhill, you realise that it isn’t, after all. It’s the effort, time, circumstances, along with hundreds of other things. You make promises of being together forever but nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And when the promises break? You get your heart broken. But a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved. How can something so perfect, something that brought you so much happiness, something you thought would be yours forever, go so wrong?

When you and Harry got married, everyone knew you were one of those couples who make you believe in ‘together forever’. You had met when you were teenagers and neither of you thought the relationship would last even six months. But there you were, seven years later, having the most extravagant wedding, vowing to never leave each other’s side and to support one another through it all.

The first two years of marriage was a honeymoon period, you both were having the best time of your lives, going on dates often, cooking together, falling asleep next to each other, you wondered how you even got so lucky. You joined him on most of his trips, you both travelled across the beautiful cities of Europe and America together and nothing else really mattered. You loved him more than anything in the world, and he loved you, what else did you need?

When your work was piling up, you knew that you had to go back, although neither of you wanted to leave each other. He was away from you more often, working on sets and filming his own movies, but you were quite used to it to say the least. Spending away nights of frustrations all alone, with no one there for you. But you didn’t complain, you could never do that. You could never stand in the way of Harry and his career.

Two years later, on Christmas Day, you held your daughter in your arms, a healthy and beautiful baby. You and Harry had never been more happy and overwhelmed.

“So what should we name her?” he asked you while gently rocking her to sleep.

“Noelle,” you smiled. “She really decided to make Christmas even more special”

Over the years, you were so proud of your little family, you would often look at Noelle and Harry, playing or reading together and the ‘father-daughter bonding time’ as Harry liked to call it. She was more fond of Harry than you, and that was why it was even harder for her than it was for you. You regretted it so many times, you didn’t want to give it all up, to give him up. But it was becoming so difficult, taking care of a small child all on your own, along with Harry acting like a child himself. It was far too much responsibility than you could handle. You loved him, you really did, but love is never enough.

Now you were cooking in the kitchen with Noelle sitting on the counter, reciting her lessons from school.

“But mommy! We have holidays coming up now!”

“Yes and you will have all the time to play and enjoy, ok?”

“And there’s something else too,” she giggled.

“Oh is it?” you pretend to think.

“Yes! It’s my birthday”

“That’s right, you’ll spend your birthday with grandma and grandpa and your uncles”

“Will daddy be there?”

“Hopefully yeah,” you sigh.

“Will you be there?”

“Of course, sweetie. Mommy would never miss your birthday party,” you pinch her cheeks.

“Why don’t you and daddy ever want to meet?” she speaks up after a minute.

“Baby… daddy and I…” you honestly didn’t know how to phrase it. “We just kind of don’t… talk anymore, you know?”

“Like Tina and me?”

“Yes, exactly like you and Tina”

“But you told me that I should not be angry at her and we should become friends again”

“That is for you, the thing between me and daddy is much more complicated”

“What does complicated mean?”

You chuckle, the questions never end.

You step out of the car into the bitter cold December wind in front of the Holland household. It had been a while since it had snowed this heavy, and you were worried if you would be able to drive in this weather.

“Here you go,” you say as you hand over Noelle to Sam.

“Gosh it’s so cold today, what are you even going to do?” he asks you.

“Go back to the office I don't really have anywhere to be”

“You're gonna work through Christmas? Take some time off, why don’t you stay with us?”

“Sam no-”

“Come on, y/n. How long will you keep avoiding him this way?”

“I- ”

“And what about Noelle’s birthday?”

“I’ll come and visit for a few hours on 25th”

“Y/n, this will always be your home too, with or without Harry. We would love to have you over for Christmas”

“Mommy please, I’m feeling cold out here,” Noelle says reaching out her tiny hands out to you from Sam’s arms.

“Okay fine,” you laugh.

As you get inside the house, Noelle jumps off from Sam and starts running into the house.

“Daddy!”

“Oh my little princess I’ve missed you!” you see Harry run from the living room, picking up Noelle and kissing her forehead. “How have you been? Have you been good? Otherwise who’s gonna get all the gifts?” he pretended to say in a childlike voice.

Your heart warmed up at the sight, your lips curling into a smile. It had been so long since you had seen the two of them reunited like this. Everytime you went to drop Noelle off at Harry’s house, you just waved from the car, not even caring about what happened afterwards.

He seemed a little surprised to see you there and you weren’t sure if it was a good surprise or not.

“Y/n… hi”

“Hey Harry”

“You um changed your hair”

“And you’re wearing the same old sweater”

“No this is a new sweater it’s uh-” he says trying not to continue with an awkward silence. “It’s the old sweater,” he shrugs, making you smile

"Y/n! What a surprise," Nikki calls you from the living room. "It's so nice to have you here over Christmas, everyone misses you so much"

You walk over to meet everyone as Noelle calls Sam to the side.

"Hmm what's up?" he asks the little girl.

"I know how mum and daddy can talk"

He lets out a laugh. "What? And why's that?"

"Mommy said that she and daddy don't talk anymore and that's the only problem. We just have to find a way for them to talk and become friends again"

"What's your plan, genius?"

And then she told him.

After dinner that night, you were sitting on the front porch with Sam. He was your friend, someone who you could always turn to. All of Harry's family was like that. When you both got divorced, you thought you would lose contact with the Hollands, you didn't want to lose them too because they were just like your own family but the bond didn't change, Sam helped you get through it, just like he helped Harry and he was the one who had tried to resolve things between you both.

"I still don't understand. You both were doing just fine, better than fine. All of you were so happy, what even happened?"

"Sam… Harry and I haven't even talked about what went wrong between us. Everytime we tried to talk, something came in between"

"Then talk now, you have plenty of time"

"How does it even matter now?"

"It does. I've seen how miserable you two are, you don't even want to see each other. I know you both still have something"

"We have Noelle," you say as a matter of factly.

"You know what I mean. You both love each other"

"See that's the thing with love. Love doesn't help me take care of a four year old all on my own, Sam. She misses him so much. She just keeps asking me when she'll get to see her father. He never made time for us"

"I know he's been a kind of a jerk"

You raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay a big jerk, but he cares about you and Noelle. I'm not asking you to get back together but at least talk and resolve whatever beef you both have"

"We can't"

"Why?"

"It's just… I don't even know"

There was a long silence. If it was summer, you would have been hearing the crickets chirping but at this hour of a cold winter night, all you could hear was the faint distant noise of the faraway traffic.

"How about this, you both go out tomorrow, just for an hour or two, hang out, talk, just say whatever you had been holding in all this time"

"You're setting us up on a date?"

"Not a date. You both just need to talk, right? So you just need some alone time"

"Has Harry agreed to this?"

"He definitely would"

"No, it'll be too much. And what about Noelle?"

"What about her? We're all here to take care of her. You just go and talk this over"

You lay awake at night thinking about the happy times you had with Harry. How did things go so so wrong?

Two years earlier

"Harry, the opening ceremony is on Friday, it's huge for the company!"

"Yes I know, love. I really wish I could make it"

"What… do you mean?"

"I'll be leaving for Atlanta two days from now"

"But it's important to me and everyone will be asking for you"

"I'm so sorry, baby but I have to go"

"You've done a great job, y/n. Where's Harry? I'd love to meet him," your manager asks you at the after party of the opening ceremony.

"He couldn't make it tonight. He really wanted to be here"

"Where's your husband, miss y/l/n? This is such a big day for you!" another one of your colleagues asked you later that night.

"He's really disappointed he couldn't be here but duty calls," you tried to hide your loneliness and sadness through a smile.

"Y/n! I haven't seen Harry tonight…"

"How's the movie coming up?" you were talking to Harry at 2 in the morning, time zones were driving the both of you crazy.

"It's going great! The location is amazing, I think we could shoot the whole film here. I just wish you were here I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, just come back home," listening to his voice seemed to make you even lonelier.

"I will," you hear music playing in the background and the noise of people cheering and talking.

"What's happening there?"

"Ah they're throwing a party in my honour, it's been such a success-" you heard a woman laugh right beside him.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yes I am I just-"

"Then you should go back to it. Bye"

"But y/n-"

You were still working when he came back from the airport and you immediately rushed home after you were free.

When you saw him, you felt as though you were seeing a stranger. He looked different and he felt different and he looked tired than ever. Nevertheless you jumped on him and hugged him tight, making sure he was real.

"Oh god I've missed you, more than you could ever know," he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

"Really? Then show me how much you've missed me," you say as you lead him into your shared bedroom.

"I'm so sorry I missed your opening, darling I really wanted to be there"

"It's alright, we have another celebration next month, you can meet everyone there"

"Oh I can't make it to that either, I have to get away again after three weeks"

"But you just came back! And Noelle is just two years old, how do you expect me to take care of her and go to work?"

"There's nothing I can do, y/n. The contracts have already been signed. This is my big break, it's important to me"

"And our marriage is not? Your daughter is not?"

"You both are the most important to me," he put his calloused hands on your cheeks. "But you knew this was what our life would be when you married me"

"Everything has changed since then, Harry. We have a child now and we're so happy here. Why do you have to go away halfway across the world for months"

"Nothing has changed. I still love you the same and our careers are still as important to us as before"

"You could have at least talked to me about this"

"Yes I'm sorry. Everything will be alright once I return, I just have to go now"

Harry couldn't focus on work that day. He just kept replaying the conversation he had with you before leaving.

'I can't lose her. I really can't," he thought. 'Oh my god I love her, I love her so much. We have to find a way to make this work'

And ten thousand miles away from him, you sat all alone on the bed, thinking, 'this will not work, we're so happy, why does he want to give all of this up?'

"We're not teenagers anymore, y/n. Now I want something and you want something else, our worlds are different"

"So we just let it go?"

"I'm not saying that we have to let anything go, but it's my career, y/n. For the first time in my life, things have finally started to move and I don't want to lose anything"

"Harry… I have always supported your career. I have always supported your dreams. But you can have everything you want right here with me and Noelle. You don't have to leave"

"You're not even trying to understand"

"I'm understanding everything. I can't do this anymore, I'm not another one of your fans, Harry. I can't just keep on chasing you like this"

"Ice skating? Really?" you say as you see the long sheet of ice that lay on the ground in front of you, there were only a few people as it was a cold day. Everyone was probably snuggled up in bed with some warm coffee rather than going out on a date with their ex husband.

"We can go somewhere else if you want, there's a restaurant-"

"No this is fine. After all Noelle chose it"

He helps you put on your skates and you both hold each other, trying not to lose balance until you reach the ice rink.

"Ah that's it," he lets go of your arm but still holds your hand in his.

"Wait what did you mean Noelle chose it?"

"You don't know your daughter, Mr Holland. She's grown up to be quite the matchmaker," you laugh.

"You remember how we used to come here?" you smile at the memories, you and Harry used to go ice skating almost every week in winters. Although neither of you were the best at it, you loved the times you spent falling and laughing and later on having hot chocolate in each other's arms.

"Yeah," he tries to hold your other hand as well. "You remember the Christmas Noelle was born? I miss taking her out ice skating"

"Of course I remember," you sigh. "Eighteen hours of labor, and I was alone. You couldn't even make it in time for the birth of your own daughter"

"She was supposed to be born in January, how could I have known she would come in so early?"

"Well you always have the excuses ready, don't you?"

"It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. The flights were all booked, I mean it was Christmas! And I did reach the hospital in time"

"You reached the hospital when she was all cleaned up and in my arms"

He stays silent for a few moments and then speaks, with a gentler tone. "Y/n I'm sorry, I really am"

"You always said that, yet you never did anything to understand what went wrong"

"I was just so caught up in my life, I mean… there was so much work. I know I didn't spend much time with you both and-"

"It wasn't even about spending time, Harry. The thing is, you were never there for us. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. Even your brother understood that I needed someone but you didn't. You're just so-" you choked on the words.

"I know, and all I can say is that I've messed up, big time. I know you can't forgive me"

"Oh I've forgiven you a long time ago, Harry"

His hair was all messed up from the wind, going wild in all directions like a crown on his head. His nose and cheeks were turning red from the cold and all you wanted in that moment, was just kiss him. You wanted to feel his cold lips on yours until they turned warm. You wanted to hold his hair in your fingers, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to feel him. You wanted everything you once had. You wanted him back.

"I remember everything about you, you know?" he spoke up. "How can I ever forget? I remember how much you loved reading and how you hated it when I left my clothes on the floor. And how you keep your socks on during sex"

"You just had to bring that up" you roll your eyes and laugh.

"The thing is, I love you. I always have, even now when we're.... over, I still love you. I never got over you"

"Harry-"

"Y/n, what we had, it was something else. You're… the only woman I've actually ever loved in my life"

"And you're the only one who I've loved in my life. But we can't go back now"

"Why? Why can't we give it another chance? Give us another chance?"

"It didn't work the first time, why do you think it'll work now?"

"I don't. But I'm miserable without you and we're different now. I've lost you once and I'll never make you feel like I'm busy for you, ever again"

"Are you sure? I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired, I really cannot go through this if everything goes wrong again"

"It won't. I promise you, let's give us another chance, please?"

You looked into his eyes and you knew the answer.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:｡:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

🌻

Taglist

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[sweet-rintarou]

Having six people in a two-person apartment had, expectedly, cramped up the minimal space there was to begin with, therefore, you had moved the feast up on your apartment's rooftop.

Your friends were only able to drag you out since Yūji had lock-picked your door, only to find you huddled within your covers, your headphones playing your 'sad hours' playlist. It was pathetic, if they were honest.

Luckily, they knew the only way to get out from the dumps were through your stomach, resulting in each person that visited to bring some sort of food. It was a whole feast when you laid out the dishes on the blanket you placed on the rootftop.

"I should be sad more often," you slyly spoke, spooning custard. "This is enough for dinner, and breakfast tomorrow."

"We only brought this so you'd be full enough to talk about your feelings," Osamu stated. "Or you can spill now."

"Yeah, spill the tea, sis," Atsumu hollered, earning disapproval looks all around.

"Honestly," you began, putting down the slice of cheesecake you were about to devour, "you both were right—" referring to the Miya's "—yeah, there is something between Suna and I, but... I don't know, I guess I was a bit sensitive."

"So how do you know Suna?"

It's been about six years since you last saw him. Last time you met him was the same day he disappeared without a trace. No warning, no discussion of him moving towns. He just vanished. It was odd because you did recall having his number and him having yours, but there was no form of contact from him.

"You could say he was my friend in junior high," you told them, "we met and became friends then, and were inseparable for two and a half years, before he left."

"Oh, I vaguely remember him mentioning he used to live somewhere in Shiga before going to Hyogo," Atsumu stated, you only pursed your lips, nodding.

"That's really all I can say, he left me during a vulnerable time of my life," you explained, "I wish I could talk about it with you guys, but... I haven't completely moved on yet."

"We understand," Keiji comforted. "You can tell us when you're ready." I smiled at them, thankful for their understanding.

"Now," you clapped, hoping to slap away the dark atmosphere, "let's eat!"

—

Morning classes were always the most tiring when it comes to your university life. It always felt like waking up on a normal day during high school, which you never enjoyed. Only difference was that uniforms weren't involved.

What was worse than waking up for a morning class, was waking up and getting ready for a class that was cancelled at the last minute. "Professors this careless should get fired," you uttered in annoyance as you packed your things.

"I know, right?" Mirai grumbled, agreeing. "I'm heading straight home, you coming?"

"I'm going to buy some breakfast first, so you can go ahead," you informed her, "do you want anything?"

"A strawberry, cream sandwich, and machiato," she grinned. You both went your separate ways; you mindlessly walked throughout the campus, eyes scanning around to find a nearby cafe.

A hand had suddenly touched your shoulder, causing you to jump in surprise, turning around to see the culprit. Your shocked features shifted to one of annoyed upon seeing Suna, a timid look etched across his face.

"Hey y/n..."

Despite you only ever seeing him through his profile picture on Twitter, you had never really seen him. Since you barely paid attention to the volleyball team's games, you never noticed him. Right now, you finally saw him for the first time in six years. He has changed drastically from the scrawny boy who was shorter than you by a few centimetres.

"What do you want?" Again, you're being sensitive, but you haven't entirely healed from what happened, no matter how long ago it was.

"Uhm, can we talk?"

"We are right now, aren't we?" Your hostile tone caused him to shift uncomfortably. You took notice that he was in his team uniform. He must have come from practice, you thought. "You should go before your teammates notice." Realizing that you're about to walk away, he quickly grabbed your wrist, seizing you from leaving.

"Please," he pleaded, obvious hurt and guilt in his tone, "I'm sorry..."

"I accept your apology," you told him, facing him, "but I can't forgive you."

"Y/n..."

"I can't, Rintarō." His name easily escaping your lips, a name that you have not said in years, it felt so foreign, yet familiar. You hated it. "You left during the most depressing time of my life, do you understand how traumatized I was—still am?" He silently watched, his grip on your wrist loosening, allowing you to snatch your hand back. "So no, I can't forgive you."

"Please let me explain."

You shook your head. "Please leave me alone." Taking large steps away from him, he decided to let you go, his head hanging low in despair, but  he thought only one thing as he watched you grow smaller as the distance grew.

I will get my best friend back.

reconnecting | r. suna smau

masterlist | previous | next

—chapter seven; sad hours

author's note: I hope you guys don't mind that it's written in narrative form, if it makes you feel any better, it was a nightmare writing cuz I haven't done it in so long. After this, it'll proceed with regular smau form. Check out the chapter before, cuz I'm an idiot and wasn't aware of my posts.

taglist: @akaaaashit @chaelysian @baaakaaaaa @missalienqueen @todobruhski @heyitzwolf @shroom-berry @laughingismorefun (send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist)

[fangirlbase]

The Howl of the Moon - Remus Lupin

Summary:

After a terrible accident in the battle at the Ministry in 1995, Hermione Granger wins a one-way ticket to the past. Unable to go back to his time, his only chance for survival is to adapt to the late 70s and get on with his life, interfering as little as possible so that the future does not fall apart.

However, everything goes downhill when Remus John Lupine starts to notice too much the new girl who clearly wanted to go unnoticed by Hogwarts.

Chapters: Prolog | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven

Warnings: mature

                                        4.The one of the birthday

Anyway, March had arrived!

It was less than three months to the end of school, but it also meant that nearly a month had passed since the Valentine's Day disaster. I mean, disaster in parts and just for a few people, as James and Lily couldn't be happier in their passionate bubble, not to mention the redhead wouldn't give up on the idea that Remus and Granger were a potential couple, they couldn't be still, but if it were up to her the four would soon have a double date! It had taken at least four days for Hermione to speak fearlessly to Remus again, and at least a week for Remus to stop treating Lilly with vengeful indifference, which unfortunately for them had only reinforced the absurd idea of a possible crush even further. in Lily's head.

So the ninth of March had arrived and with it the eighteen years of Remus! Unfortunately, it fell on the first day of the full moon, but luckily they would have a total eclipse that night, which meant…

- PARTY AT THE SHRIEKING SHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A night just among the marauders, completely free of a curious and violent werewolf breaking free and running across the school grounds. Despite loathing the lunar cycle, Remus Lupine loved eclipses. When an eclipse was in the sky, Moony fell asleep inside him practically disappearing, making the wizard feel completely human - if only for a few hours.

No naughty whispers, no chocolate stuff, and no sharp senses!

Just him, a somewhat shy, scarred teenager who allowed himself to live a little.

Although the party was only later, none of them had shown up for dinner in the great hall that night - which in itself had been reason enough to make Minerva's hair stand on end. Everyone knows that professors love to gossip about students' lives and this was no different at Hogwarts, so of course Professor McGonagall had noticed the closeness between Jean and Remus during tutoring. So with the excuse of asking Miss Granger to try to stop any potential madness the marauders were planning, he called the student into his office as soon as she had finished her dinner:

- Oh, is today his birthday?

- Naturally, that's why I imagine he and his roommates are up to it like a Bunch of Silly Baboons.

Hermione, for her part, couldn't hide her laughter, she still remembered the dance lessons she had taken in fourth year for the Winter Ball where Minerva had made that same criticism of the Gryffindor students. So the girl wondered if the marauders had been the first to hear such endearing adjectives. The older witch seeing the student's laugh also smiled.

- I see that you have become very close to Mr. Lupin, a fine boy, I must say.

- Teacher, I'm not for that much… We are a good pair… Working! I mean, we work well together, in monitoring! - She replied embarrassed, wanting to run away from the subject as she was running from Lilian.

- Honey, don't waste the opportunities that Cupid presents to you. - And suddenly the teacher's eyes became very melancholy and hurt. - I once met a young witch as promising as you. Extremely intelligent and dedicated to studies. She met a guy who shared her same sense of humor, he was the only one who could debate as fiercely and passionately as she… Before the girl knew he was on his knees proposing marriage and she accepted. The teacher's melancholy smile was more than enough for Hermione to know that it wasn't just any student's story she was telling.

- Teacher despite whatever my heart dares to feel. And I don't say he feels anything about the matter of Mr Lupcough cough.” He coughed uncomfortable with everything the teacher was inferring. - Well what I mean is that under the circumstances in which I find myself… The way I came here. I couldn't… I simply wouldn't dare. I mean, it's too risky!

- And what I mean, Jean is that I don't want that story to repeat itself. Like you, she had a thousand and one very plausible and rational reasons to break off the engagement what she did. However, when she realized that as far as the heart, love, or even mere affection and camaraderie were concerned, it was not rationality that should have been heard, it was too late!  

Hermione didn't know how to respond, despite all her embarrassment with Lily on Valentine's Day she had never looked at Remus in that way! Yes they were good friends, got along well together and could talk about anything for hours and hours. Of course she found his shy way cute in an adorable way like a needy pet, and she sure enjoyed Lupine's chocolate addiction, but she never looked at him as anything other than a housemate. By Merlin, she often had to remember that he wasn't her teacher but a teenager like her! But love, affection?

   Seeing that the student was clearly confused, Minerva turned away from the subject and went back to inquiring about the possible pranks the Gryffindor quartet might be planning. But if even Jean didn't know what they were up to, McGonagall could only hope that Bunch of Silly Baboons Baboons didn't do any damage to her school! Dismissing the student right away, stating that she needed to correct some parchments for the next transfiguration class for sophomores.

   Hermione, still shaken by the previous conversation, left, but soon stopped at the door, turning hesitantly towards the teacher.

- Teacher… If I may ask. What happened to your student and the guy she turned down?

- Naturally they went their separate ways. I understand she has taken on an important position in the ministry of magic. And he... found a new someone to love...

- I… I'm sorry teacher.

- Me too, Jean, but it's late now. Go back to the dorm if I won't be forced to give you detention. - The teacher joked, but Hermione couldn't help but hear the melancholy tone in the witch's words.

* * *

Contrary to what Minerva thought, the only damage the quartet would do would be to their own bodies. Come on, it was Lupine's birthday and more than that it was his night of sobriety about the wolf that shared his body! It was obvious that they would get drunk until tomorrow!

The four met on the second floor of the screaming house near eight-thirty at night, with them having prepared a nice little party for their werewolf friend: lots of fire whiskey, a chocolate cake, butterbeer, thousands of sweets from Fingers of Honey not to mention a mini feast smuggled straight from the kitchen of Hogwarts, after all the house elves adored James and Sirius. And of course a small bottle of water - since Peter liked to hydrate between a glass and another - the only sensible one in the group that night. All three were moved by the birthday boy's happiness, noticing how the daily weight had disappeared from Remus' back, being ridiculously lighter.

- And what are we waiting for? - With that sentence James started the night's celebrations.

Drinks over there, cakes over here when they saw it, it was past ten at night and everyone was irrevocably drunk. It had been at least six glasses of whiskey for Sirius, with Remus finishing up his fifth - which was already more than a little more than ideas after three bottles of butterbeer.

- Does Audrey know the reason for her disappearance, Peter? - James asked as he chewed on a chicken leg.

- Just I was celebrating the birthday of one of you.

Audrey Flint was the Slytherin who had sent Peter the little Valentine's card, and who had surprisingly been dating her ever since.

- Remus, even Peter has a girlfriend. When are you going to get one? You know I don't care about gender as long as he or she knows that marauders are their priority! - Sirius asked, nudging the werewolf beside him.

"Lily said it won't be long before he and Granger assume something." - James delivered his girlfriend.

- That's not it! Jean and I are just... friends? - Remus asked embarrassed, but at the mention of Jean rather than the clear questioning of his partner preferences. The truth is, Lupine didn't know if he was in the position of Granger's friends or colleagues at that point in the championship. The relationship was weird since Valentine's Day, at times it seemed that nothing had changed while at others Moony was a real busybody!

- If even that you know what they are. It's definitely lost!

- If they're not friends they can definitely be something else. - Peter nudged, liking the way Remus was starting to turn red and bewildered.

"The way you treated Lily after Valentine's Day just shows how much you're into her, Remus." - James insisted.

- No, no, NO! - Remus managed to deny it. - You got it all wrong! Jean and I would never work, you know I can't….

- I bet you're denying it like that because you don't know how to kiss. - Peter threw more wood into the fire.

- Of course I know how to kiss! - Remus was insulted.

That was partly true, as she'd had her first kiss two years earlier, also in an eclipse, when she'd allowed herself to experience a kiss that night. It had been at a Gryffindor party and had been no more than a smacking of lips, and since then he'd never come close to anyone else's mouth.

- A little kiss does not count as knowing how to kiss! - Sirius accused his friend, turning to him.

- And how do you expect me to learn then?! You know I don't…

Sirius didn't let his colleague finish, with a roguish grin he pulled Remus' neck towards him.

- Like this. - Whispered in his friend's ear, having fun when he saw the same shiver, approaching his body more and more.

In a second their lips were joined, with Black initiating an agitated kiss. He knew his friend had no experience, he had the vague memory in his drunken memory of Lupin describing how shameful and awkward that peck had been two years ago - so it had started slowly, but not having much patience and being clearly upset, he deepened the kiss without blinking. Then he opened his mouth hungrily, forcing his tongue against Remus' mouth, who surprisingly had given way and not only that, but was also trying to match his roommate's reckless rhythm.

After all, if it was in the rain, it was to get wet!

Mimicking Sirius' movements, Remus also held the brunet's neck possessively, intensifying the movements of his lips - adrenaline rushing through him. Their tongues tangled and wrestled and caressed, all to the sound of Peter's laughter and the shocked spit of James who had just put another glass of whiskey in his mouth when his friends began kissing furiously. It wasn't his fault he got scared and spit it all out at Peter!

But just as slowly as it started, the kiss ended.

- See if you learn and do it right with Granger. Sirius fixed his hair. - And if she doesn't want to, I'll always be here for you, monny! - He stated provocatively as he turned another glass.

- At least she won't have a beard itching. - Remus implied joining in the joke. - Can you tell me how you're still alone?

- There is no woman for me at Hogwarts. - Sirius declared, just like Xuxa Meneghel, where there were no men for her in Brazil.

* * *

All marauders were completely rotten, miserable, destroyed and finished.

All but Peter, who wisely interspersed the whiskey with generous doses of water, being the one who drank the least at the party - having a preference for chocolate cake. Sirius was down on the infirmary (he had the greatest resistance to alcohol, but even he overreacted); James was clinging to the toilet in Gryffindor, Peter was cheerful and bouncy with his Audrey, while Remus exploded with a headache. His eyes were sunken, his head seemed to be being poked by five drills as runaway ambulances pulled up to his ear - all with Moony barking furiously at being repelled last night by the "unnatural and evil" eclipse (words of the Wolf).

At least her swollen system from Moony's presence had minimized the seasickness effects, but the migraine remained like a sledgehammer on an anvil.

A bad mood had irrevocably seized Lupin. From the first dawn of the day Remus was IM-PRA-TI-Cable, being almost the human and rabid version of Moony, threatening to stupefy the next one who made noise in front of him. At least in the morning, since after lunch the sobriety potions began to take effect, turning him once again into a Pomeranian lulu and no longer a rabid pinscher.

At least that afternoon he could rest peacefully, as no one even went to the prefects! His plan was a quiet, undisturbed nap!

"You know, you might as well practice those licks with Jean, instead of pretending to be lazy" - Moony spoke like someone who didn't want anything when they were alone, going to the prefect.

- Licks…? - Remus was confused.

But Moony was prepared for that, immediately projecting memories of the night before - causing Remus to trip over his own feet at the sight and feel of Sirius' mouth and beard against his face.

THEY HAD DONE WHAT?!

“Nothing against what you prefer, but I think Jean more…. intriguing"

- Remus? Is everything OK? - Hermione asked after noticing the pale state that the ex-teacher arrived in the transfiguration room.

And it was when Remus' eyes focused on the girl that his face went up in flames, still moved by Moony's suggestion. THAT MEDDING WOLF!

"Just slightly drunk…" He replied, crawling to his seat, sitting down comfortably while putting his backpack as a pillow.

- Drunk?! I don't think Minerva was counting on it! - She laughed.

- Are you her new spy, Jean? Before it was Lily who was our probation officer. Befriended me just to watch over James and Sirius? - Remus joked, settling into his wallet.

- I don't know if that was her real intention, but it felt like it to me last night when she called me in her office to talk about... How did she say? Ah yes, "silly baboons babbling in a pack"!.

- There is! Professor Minerva has always been the most creative at Hogwarts! - The witcher laughed, soon regretting it when his head began to throb again and he moaned in discontent.

- What made you drunk so far?

- I had a birthday.

- Congratulations? Hermione asked, undecided by the deplorable state of the boy beside her.

He nodded gratefully, then tucked his head back into his backpack.

- Thanks, but would you mind holding the butts without me today? I put up with all day waiting for that nap.

Hermione just nodded, patting her light brown hair in congratulation, not seeing Moony squirm happily in the mind of Remus, a real needy puppy.

However, just that day, a living being appeared at the monitor in search of clearing up his doubts about the last transfiguration class of the seventh year, regretting it the moment he saw who was the monitor of his class.

Severus Snape would not stoop to the point of asking one of the marauders what things, no matter how trivial! Even though the rascal in question was almost drooling over his backpack by now.

- Can I help you? Hermione asked, noticing Snape's intention to turn around and leave.

- Do you know the content of the seventh year or just this wolf project? - Asked mockingly as he indicated with his chin the Gryffindor passed out.

- You'd be surprised what I know. - Retorted defiantly. She had almost changed her mind when Severus implied knowing that Remus was a wolf, but quickly remembered that he had almost died because of Remus, or rather because of Sirius who played a more than unfortunate prank on the Slytherin. His challenge did not find deaf ears.

Threat, warning, knowledge and... flirting? The girl's challenge reached every possible sense, although Severus very much doubted the latter.

Well, Snape had a mirror in the bedroom, and even if he didn't, he was reminded of his questionable appearance all the time. Jean might have publicly rejected Sirius Black, but he would never look at someone like him, so there was no chance of it being a lame excuse to kiss in the nearest broom closet - although the idea was not repulsive to him, and well he even thought it was Very pretty.

Hermione thought he must be very desperate to actually accept her help, after all she was a year younger, muggleborn (not that he knew of) and Gryffindor. She actually thought he would refuse her help because she was a Gryffindor, but here he was snorting discontent as he sat at a desk and indicated the chair across from him an unquestionable invitation.

At the end of it all Snape had been impressed by how smart the girl was. He suspected even more than that drooling Siberian husky snoring a few wallets away. But Severus' joy was short-lived, as in the middle of the explanation another individual immensely more undesirable than the slime project sprang up in the classroom.

- HEY, SNOTTY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEAR HER?! - Sirius forgot his hangover to make trouble in defense of the girl one of his best friends was clearly interested in, waking Remus in the process.

- I don't see your name on it, Black! Snape shot back, making Hermione arch an eyebrow. Since when has she become a reason for egos?

Indifferent on the outside, but laughing on the inside, Hermione allowed herself to agree that that tirade had been good, very good. Maybe even enough to forget one or two reprimands Snape had given him in the future.

Was Sirius this annoying always? If she ever made it back, she wouldn't stop complaining to Harry about her friend's godfather's impossible behavior at school.

- What makes you think you can come here, snotty?! Get closer to us….

- As far as I know, here is a classroom at Hogwarts, in pre-service time for the transfiguration subject.

- If you have any doubts, ask someone of your level. - Sneered.

Hermione was terribly offended. He had called her stupid, for being a year younger! But she soon realized that it would make more sense that Sirius was referring to the fact that it wasn't a death eater project. Or something like this?

- I would, but the creature in question is sleeping during working hours. Should I report this slip to Professor McGonagall?

Sirius even managed to pull out his wand and cast a spell, but Hermione was quicker and threw a stream of water at him.

- Unpleasant. I hate the smell of wet dogs. - Snape teased once more.

- ENOUGH! - He interfered by talking to both of them. - What are you doing here, Black?

- Is it forbidden to visit my friends now?!

- That's when he threatens another student!

- You mean you agree that you are my friend! - He wasted no time, giving a wink being promptly responded with another jet of water.

- If you do not mind? - She said turning to Severus who kept his victorious smile in front of the soaked Gryffindor. - Would you like us to finish our monitoring elsewhere? Hermione asked Snape, who readily agreed, following the short-haired girl to the library. Where she had a private class in the subject, at least as far as Jean knew, after all she was a year younger, as much as she knew a lot about seventh grade content, that wasn't all. Surprisingly the Slytherin completed the gaps without any mockery or contempt for her making the time together really enjoyable.

Confused, Remus watched the girl depart with the stateroom Slytherin, confused and somewhat irritated with Sirius for making her leave.

- I think it's better you do it right with her! - Sirius warned him. - Or sooner or later she may fall for that venomous snake's tricks! Or better yet, in my charms! - He joked.

- Padfoot, she is more likely to date Snape than to date you, I would say until she marries him and has five children and eighteen cats. - Remus chuckled, relieved the kiss between them hadn't been a big deal.

Just brother's things, you know!

- Since you are missing the magnificent chance to be with me, I say with propriety, from someone who has a lot of experience, that you have more chances than him.

- Chances of what? She's just a friend, coworker at best. Besides, she's afraid of canines.

- Well… that's bad for both of us, Moony. - Sirius spoke to the werewolf, who just sighed in Remus' mind.

“I wish I were a fish…”

[renee-writer]

A Brawl Day Chapter 12 A Date

It was a long week. With he having Jane and having to do follow ups on the Black Jack article, he had no time for a real date with Claire. He saw her for a few minutes here and there( a quick coffee, a few minutes between meetings, at the school for drop off and pick up). They talk on the phone and text but he longs for hours with her. To sit and talk.

Finally Mary and Alex return home from their honeymoon. Jane is overjoyed to see them. So is Jamie. He loves his daughter and has enjoyed his time with her. He will have her more often, weekends, after school, weeks and months during her school breaks. But for now..

He calls her as soon as they all catch up and leave. A date is arranged.

She phones her mum. “Please can you watch Boyd tonight?”

“So, a meeting or presentation?”

“Neither, a date.”

Silence for a second. “A date! A real, getting dressed up, going out with a man, date?”

“Yes. He is the father of a friend of Boyd’s. His ex-wife lives just two doors down. He is sweet, kind, a gentleman, handsome, a grand father..”

“Oh my luv, finally! Of course I can. What time?”

“Seven. Thanks mum.” Now what to wear?

Boyd sit and watches as she rejects outfit after outfit. “To casual. To sensual. To proper.”

“Mum, why are you getting so dressed up?”

“I have a date with Jamie. You recall, Jane's daddy?”

“Yes. A date. Like a play date. “She almost chokes on her laugh. A play date indeed.

“Kind of. When adults date, they go out together to get to know each other better. Talk.”

“Oh. Like friends?”

It was easier, for now, to keep it that way in his mind, until they know exactly what they are doing. “Yes, like friends.”

“Cool. I like him.”

“Good. Me too. So, what do you think,” She holds out two dresses and wears the one he picks.

“Sorry to meet you in the lobby. I just want to keep it casual, for Boyd.” She says later as she meets up with Jamie. He smiles as he takes her hand.

“And your mam?”

“Yah. She is a bit~ well she is the one I get my stubborn, must have everything my way, way from. She was way to excited at the idea of me dating. I didn’t wish to subject you to her excitement just yet.”

“For that I thank you. I wish I could,” they stop by his car and he opens the door for her. She smiles and slips inside. He joins her.

“Could?” He starts the car, backs out, before reaching for her hand. Once they are linked, he continues.

“Could meet my mam and da? They passed away ten years ago.”

“I am so sorry Jamie.” She squeezes his hand.

“Thank you. I was just eighteen. My sister Janet, called Jenny, twenty-one. We inherited a huge estate. Lallybroch. Overwhelming doesn’t begin to describe it. I was in my first year of university. Jenny had just graduated and was newly engaged to my dear friend Ian. Jenny, she was and is a wonder. She shot off the parts of the house we didn’t need. She insisted that I return to school. She and Ian were wed in a small ceremony. I walked her down the aisle. While pregnant with her first, she transformed the parts of Lallybroch not used for the family, into a living museum and educational farm. Now, as the mam of two and a half, she still runs it, her and Ian.”

“She sounds amazing.”

“Aye she is. She and Lallybroch. When life gets to much, returning home is where I find my peace. I need to get Jane back there. Over the summer maybe.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“You and Boyd too if..”

“Yes if.” They have pulled in front of the restaurant.

“Come. We will get seated and you can tell me about your family.”

He pulls the seat out and takes a seat across from her. They order then he focuses on her.

“Right, so I told you my dad died. I was five.” His hand slips across the table and covers hers. She smiles down at them before continuing. “My uncle, Uncle Lambert, his brother, comes. He stays, going from being an archeologist to a professor of the same, to help my mum and I. I never understood the sacrifice until later.” She sighs as the waitress comes up and brings their drinks. They nod to her. She takes a drink before continuing. “He was awesome. Did all he could. I recall just vague memories of my dad. The way he lifted me over his head. The way he smelled of pipe tobacco and cinnamon. But Uncle Lamb, he walked me to school each day. Taught me how to ride a bike, to dance, interrogated my first boyfriend, walked me down the aisle, cried over Boyd in the hospital, offered to kill Frank for me. He was my dad, in all ways, but wasn't.

My mum, was wonderful too. Steady, dependable, loving. She plaited my wild curls back each morning, carried me to church once a week, hemmed my dresses and slacks, held me when I cried over my first heartbreak. Listened, as I talked for hours about music, boys, and school gossip, throw an enormous baby shower. Was my other coach during labor. Now she watches Boyd as often as she can, giving him the same strict loving guidance.

I wanted the same for Boyd. A mum and dad he could depend on but, Frank has seen him around six months total, in the last 5 years. Says these years it is more important that he be with me. That he will take over when he is older. Take over my arse!” A few people look their way, “Sorry it is just..”

“No, I understand. Your ex is a right bloody arse and needs put in his place. That sweet boy deserves better. I admit, I could be a better da to Jane. I intend to start. Have started. I am making a room for her in my flat. Her and Adso. After school, weekends, school breaks, she will be with me. To wait until the tough parts are over to be a parent is lazy and ridiculous. He really needs his arse beat.”

She smiles and chuckles. “That he does. I do all I can. I know though, that he needs both. I can't fully be a father to him”

“But you try. You are a good mam. Extraordinary.”

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.” They are leaning across the table, a breath away. The ever present heat, raises again between them.

“Excuse me. Ah, excuse me.” She finally gets through and they break apart. “Your orders.” She places them before them with a smile. “Have a lovely dinner.”

“Christ! I tend to forget small things like time and place when around you.” He confesses.

“I suffer the same.” The both laugh, a bit shaky. “Shall we?” She gestures to the food.

“Aye lets.” They talk of work over dinner. They laugh and joke. They finish and he pays, leaving a generous tip. They walk outside and before he can open the car door, she takes his lips.

He groans into it, deepening it. They are breathless when they pull apart. “I had to. Been wanting that since the last kiss.” She confesses.

“Grand instincts. I feel the same. Wanted the same. So Claire, Do I take you home? Or..”

[kileyrose-2003]

Snakebite Andi x Fem! Reader Part 2

A/N: Hi guys! This is the continuation of what @wendyfuckintorrance requested because I went absolutely nuts writing this one. Hope you all enjoy part 2. Link to one is below. Same warnings apply.

August, 2011:

In those same moments Andi was being turned on that dark, Staten Island beach you laid in bed at the nearest open hospital in Colorado. The pains of labor radiating through your body. Machines beeped and buzzed around you wildly and it fueled your hysteria more.

"I can't-I can't do this!" You sobbed as the midwife examined you. "8 centimeters, sweetie. Only two more to go." She took her gloves off and gave your leg a reassuring pat. "No! Not two more. I can't..I want it out. I want it out. I want it out."

The lady smiled at you sympathetically and left the room. Once she left, your dad entered and sat down next to you. "Daddy, I can't. I can't!"

"Shh..I know baby, I know." He squeezed your hand and wiped your forehead off with a wet paper towel with his open one. "Where's mom? I want mom," You cried. You wanted Andi too but you knew all too well that was a wish that wouldn't be granted for a long time.

"She just got off the Boulder exit a little while ago. She'll be here in a couple of minutes." You nodded feverishly and squeezed his hand as you felt your next contraction coming on. "You're doing so good, honey. I'm so proud of you."

"You shouldn't be." You winced in pain and let out a scream. "I made a mistake. I fucked up." He shushed you. "None of this is your fault, alright? You can't help it anymore than the rest of us."

You grunted and nodded. There was a knock on the door. "You can come in." Your dad called out and your mom stepped in. "Sorry, I got stuck in traffic."

"No, no. That's fine." Your parents awkwardly hugged each other. "How are you, Y/m/n?" He asked. "Fine. You look great." Your dad nodded appreciatively and your mom made her way to your side. "Hey..how's baby?"

"Making me feel a lot of pain," You rasped. "I know..I know..Are you getting the epidural?" You shook your head. "No, it shouldn't be much longer hopefully."

"Okay sweetie." She placed a kiss against your sweaty forehead. "You have another contraction coming up." You let out a whine and she took your hand in her's. "I-it hurts!" You gasped. "I know..I know."

As the pain started to decrease you slowly let go of her head. "I-i feel something." You squirmed in the bed. "Like what?" Your mom asked softly. "I don't know..warm and-"

Your water broke and you gasped. "Oh god. Should I-"

"Yes, Y/F/N. Go get the nurse now!" Your mom urged and squeezed your hand. "Does that mean it's time?" She shrugged. "I don't know. Some women go into labor and their water never breaks. It all depends, honestly."

The midwife came back and slipped a pair of gloves on. "I'm going to examine you, Y/n. Is that okay?" You nodded and your mom held your hand as the woman stuck her fingers up by your cervix. "Nine centimeters but the head is right by the birthing canal. Get ready to have a baby, my dear."

Tears started running down your face and your mom cracked a small smile. "Aww honey, it's going to be okay."

"I'm scared!" The nurses stuck your feet on the bottom of squat bars as your dad slipped back into the room. "Alright Y/n, on the count of three we want you to push. Got it?" You nodded and bore down with all your might on the count of three.

"Good, again." You let out a scream of pain and shook your head. "I can't, I can't, I can't. Please, make it stop!" You begged into the air. "Yes, you can. You're almost their. Lean your hand down, sweetie." Your finger tips were greeted with the feel of sticky and warm hair and you let out a cry. "Oh god!"

"One more push! That's it! That's it!" The pain faded and in the midst of the chaos you heard the wail of a baby. "Y/n..she's beautiful," Your mom cried. "She.." You whispered softly.

The midwife handed the baby over to you and laid her on your. She was still dirty and sticky but you didn't care. Her little hands flailed out in the air and you smiled. She looked exactly like you.

"Hi.." You smiled and kissed the top of her head. "You're so beautiful." Tears brimmed in your eyes as your daughter cracked her little eyes open to look at you. "I'm your mommy, gorgeous."

Your daughter made a cooing noise and you grinned. "What are you naming her?" Your dad ran his thumb against your cheek. "Y/d/n..Y/d/n Andrea."

Being a teen mom was rough but you had your dad to help you and every day when you looked into Y/d/n's little eyes all the pain you went through was worth. Even when she had her fevers, tantrums, cried often in the midst of the night it was worth it.

For the first time in a while since you hadn't seen Andi, you finally had someone provided you with a sense of happiness and took the pain away. You tried sending her pictures of the baby numerous times but to no avail. It hurt but at least you had someone to love.

There was nothing that brought you more joy than hearing your daughter's little feet softly tapping down the stairs in the morning. She'd giggle as she'd run through the living room, jumping up behind you while you stood at the stove top making breakfast. "I got you mommy!" She would exclaim excitedly and wrap her tiny arms around your middle. You would smile widely and scoop her up in your arms. Sometimes twirling her around in a little circle.

"Yes you do, my sunshine." And she would always giggle and kiss your cheek. "Mommy, I'm not the sun! That's the sun."

"I know but who needs that sun when I have you?" Giggles would turn into a tiny aww followed by an 'I love you mommy' behind it.

She was the most affectionate and beautiful little girl. Everyone around her, including your parents, enjoyed her. That happiness unfortunately only lasted for six short years though. You could still remember the last day you seen her so clearly in her mind. The way her little blue dress puffed up when she moved and her little Y/c/h bounced in the wind.

It was a sleepover for a girl's sixth birthday just a little after her own and you dropped her off at the house.

"I love you mommy." She smiled as you gave her a big hug. Being only 21 you were the youngest mom in the group so the other parents could relate on your hesitance to let her go. "I love you too. Be a good girl, okay?"

"I will! I'll see you tomorrow." Except there would be no tomorrow you would ever see with her. You would never forget the girl's mother on the phone, calling you frantically.

"She's gone!" The woman screamed into your ear at the way early hours in the morning. "What do you mean she's gone?"

"She's gone! I don't know where she went. One of the girls were sleeping next to her on a sleeping bag because she missed you and the kid woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn't there.."

You lost track of how many interviews and calls you shared with detectives over the past couple of months and you became an empty shell of a person. Yet again your parents were left to pick up the pieces in the aftermaths of a tragedy you were dealt and you grief grew.

"Why don't you adopt?" Your father asked the one night as he sat with you in your dining room as the two of you shared a meal together. "I can't bring myself to..no one can ever replace her."

It was a quiet Saturday night and you were at your dad's house, making sure he was all comfy before you went home. Your parents weren't exactly the youngest anymore and you brought it upon yourself to take care of them the way they took care of you.

"You have everything you need? Blanket, water-"

"Yes for the thousandth time, Y/n. I have everything." Your dad settled into his recliner. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure."

"You cook me meals, sit with me during the day if I don't work, trust me I'm okay. Look, I know you feel like you have some sort of debt you owe your mother and I-"

"Dad-"

"You don't. Period. You've been through alot and I in particular was absent for a portion of it. You owe me nothing. I owed a debt and now I'm paying it so just don't be so hard on yourself." You nodded solemnly. "Got it, dad."

He held his arms to you. "Now give me a hug before you go." You did as he asked and he rubbed little circular shapes on your back. "Love you kiddo."

"Love you too." You felt your phone vibrating in your back pocket but you ignored it. "Try and get a solid nights sleep if not you, for me?"

"Dad-"

"I'm sorry..I'm just worried about you. You haven't been same since Y/d/n di-"

"Please don't say that word." You begged. "Y/n, I know it hurts but honey. She's been gone for months. If they haven't found her yet, chances are that no one will. Living in this sorrow, this despair, fear, it's going to kill you."

"I know! I just..I'm not ready to give up yet. I can't. She's all I had since I left Arizona and it's the only thing that fills the pain a little bit." Tears brimmed in your eyes and your dad wiped them away. "I know, I'm just saying. Be careful please and just take care of yourself, if not for you then for me because that will make me happy. Kay?"

"Okay." He released from his embrace and kissed your cheeks. "I love you." You wiped the tears from your eyes and picked up your purse. "Love you too. Bye dad." He gave a tiny wave as you stepped out the door.

You walked out to your car and checked your phone. There was a missed call from a Colorado number on your phone but you didn't bother to call back. If they couldn't bother to leave a voicemail, it couldn't of been that important.

You put the keys in the ignition and began your short drive home, thinking on what your dad said. It had been almost seven years since you seen Andi. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time you just gave up.

You pulled into your driveway and shut the car off, making sure to lock it before preparing to enter your house.

You opened the door and stepped inside. "Odd, I thought I shut all the lights off," You shrugged and took your shoes and jacket off. You put your foot on the first step on your stairway to the second floor.

"Y/n." You froze and grabbed your gun you had hidden by your front door. "Whoever's there, I'm warning you! I have a gun!"

"Y/n, come closer sweetie." You hesitantly did as the person and found yourself in your living room. "I did what you asked, damn it! Show yourself!"

You felt a gentle tap on your shoulder and you let out a yell, dropping the gun on the floor as you spun the other direction. "Andi?!"

You faced the intruder with mixed emotions. "Long time, no see." She pulled you close to her and held you tight. You grabbed onto the back of her clothes and gripped them as if to see if she was really there and cried.

"Y-you found me," You rasped and wrapped your arms around Andi's neck. "I told you I would." She pressed her lips against yours. Her teeth sank into them feverishly, asking for permission to enter your mouth. You opened up and your tongues battled for dominance, Andi clearly overpowering you. You both pulled away from each other, gasping for breath.

You looked deep into her pretty blue eyes. She hadn't changed at all in the last six years, which wasn't a bad thing because even in her worst moments you thought she was one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen, but she felt different. Something about her changed. "What's the matter?" Andi smiled and held your hand in hers. "You haven't aged..at all." She pulled you close to her and held you tight. "I know. Isn't that a good thing?"

"Yeah. You look beautiful." Her clothes smiled like embers from a fireplace and you nuzzled into the warmth. "So do you." She kissed you over and over again, taking in the pictures on the wall over you house.

'Damn it. I didn't even think she might of just walked through the door with the kid.' She thought but yet again, she couldn't remember hearing you speak to anyone on your way in. "Y/n, I know it's late but where's mini me?" Your smile faded and you said nothing, loosening your grip on Andi. Andi pulled away from you and figured out the answer based on the answer based on your lack of response and that empty look on your face. "Oh god.."

"It's my fault," You hummed with tears brimming in your eyes. "I should of never of let her go to that slumber party." You hitched a sob and started hysterically crying.

"Hey, hey.." Andi tried to calm you down. "I'll never forget how horrible it felt! She was my everything and was the only thing that took the pain away of not being able to see you." You fanned your eyes in an attempt to stop the tears but failed.

"Y/d/n had a bunch of friends and she begged me and begged to go to this slumber party but I just had that bad feeling. That one I get when I know something is going to happen," You sniffled. "I met the girl's mom throwing the party. She seemed nice enough. Andi, I wish you could of seen the look she gave me when she asked to go. It was so cute and I couldn't say no so I let her go and I should of never let her go. She kissed my cheek and told me thank you a million times over and I'd see her tomorrow and she loved me. It was six in the morning when her friend's mom called and she was just..gone!"

"Okay..okay." Andi rocked you back in forth in her arms trying to contain the panic inside her that was bubbling up. The True, Andi included, looked at killing rubes almost as if it was killing deer, but the thought of her hurting you like that killed her in the inside. She held you as you cried into her chest. "Is she..you know.."

"No one knows but deep down inside I think I know she's not-" You couldn't even finish your sentence. You just kept crying. "She's gone and it's all my fault."

"Y/n, you couldn't of known." You shook your head. "I'm a horrible mother!" Andi kissed the tears away from your face. "Don't say that. You loved her and I'm sure she knew that." That feeling of panic bubbled up more inside her. No..she couldn't of hurt your daughter. She wouldn't hurt you daughter. She would felt her connection to you and would of never of went along with it but at the same point, maybe just maybe, she would of out hunger.

"You got a picture of her?" You nodded and hicupped slightl. "W-why? What does it matter if I told you she's gone?"

"Just..do you have a picture of her?" You nodded and grabbed one of you and her on Christmas off the coffee table. Andi looked at the picture intensely and breathed a sigh of relief. She never seen your daughter before. "Thank god.."

"Thank god, what?" You asked. "Nothing, it's just..Fuck it. I was going to have to tell you anyways but this just threw my whole plan off." Your body stiffened and you sniffled, trying to bottle in all your anxiety. "Andi, what the hell did you do?"

"Why don't you just sit down first?" She plopped down on your sofa. "Fuck," You mumbled softly and sat down across from her. Andi grabbed your hand and squeezed it. "So after you left, things with my dad got worse..way worse." Your face softened and you rubbed the top of her hand. "He got drunk the one day and he went at me more than usual and," Andi started crying. "He passed out drunk in his recliner and I killed him."

"Andi.." You wiped one of the tears away from her cheeks. "I killed him! I took one of my mother's knitting needles and I gave him what he deserved." She laughed and the sound of it made your blood run cold though you'd be lying if you said if you didn't think the man deserved it. The man was a prick for as long as you could remember and he wasn't exactly a saint.

"My mother came home and she freaked out. 'He never did any of those things to you,' she said. 'You're lying.' So she called the cops and I ran. They never found me obviously but they're still looking for me. I travelled all over for a few months and then I found myself in Staten Island."

"W-what happened in Staten Island?" You asked, a little afraid of the answer. "I met these people, Y/n. Special people, like us. The leader, Rose the Hat, beautiful woman by the way, she's a genius. They gave me a gift and a family."

"What type of a gift?" Andi just smiled. "Eternal life." Her face was serious but you couldn't help but laugh. This all had to be some sick joke. "Bullshit."

"No, really. It's true." Her eyes flickered to the haunting blue. "Don't you think they look pretty now?" You screamed and pulled away from her, nearly falling off the couch. "Andi, what the fuck?!" You screamed at her.

"Just think about it Y/n. If I'm immortal and you're immortal we can be together now, forever. Nothing can tear us apart ever again."

"Andi this is cult shit. Like all the horror movies we watched on TV as kids. How did you even become immortal, what the fuck is up with your eyes, and who the fuck are these people?" Your breathing was ragged and you could feel your body trembling.

She furrowed her brows almost as if she was mad at you. "They're not just people. They're my family. We're The True Knot and what is tied can never be untied. They do this turning on special like us, the steamy ones."

"Steamy?" She nodded. "You know, how I can push people to do things they wants and you can feel bad things before they happen? We inhale the steam and it makes us live forever."

"Where do you get it from?" Andi hesitated before answering. "People..mostly kids."

"You kill people so you can live forever? Andi, that's not right. It's not sane! You're like a fucking vampire!" You screamed. "Empty devils actually," She corrected like it was nothing.

"Were you the one that hurt her?!"

"Who?"

"My daughter and be honest or I swear to god I will rip you apart limb for limb." You growled. "I didn't- I wouldn't hurt your daughter, ever. She's a part of you and that's precious to me." You narrowed your eyes.

"I know it sounds bad but we live forever. We can be together forever. Don't you want that?" Andi held your face in her hands.

"N-no," You said and pushed her away. "N-no?" Andi's smile faded and her eyes flicked up like a snake. You nodded and bit your bottom lip. "I don't even know you anymore. You're not my Andi."

"Y/n. I know I'm different but it's still me. I still love you." You shook your head. "But you're not you though. Your dad was a dick. I can understand that but all the death, the madness..you've gone down a path I can't follow. What you've done isn't even bad, it's just sick."

"Y/n-"

"It's wrong! Think of all those kids you hurt, those poor kids and their parents. Do you know how horrible it feels to lose a child? To think they're going to be safe at a friend's slumber party and be home the next morning and they never come back, and have that small hug and kiss you had with them as the last confusing interaction you had because nothing makes sense and how the pain just never goes away?" You had tears slowly falling down your cheeks.

"No, I wouldn't know and I'm sorry that some sick rube fuck would do that to you but think of it this way, do you cry when a cow is killed?" Your went wide in disbelief. "What?!"

"Do you cry when a cow is killed?" You shook your head. "No, but-"

"That's what we eat is essentially. Rubes are nothing more but a cow waiting for slaughter." You just stared at her, not knowing what to say or do.

"See?" She smiled at you and caressed your cheek. "Nothing to get upset about. That's all it is and nothing more."

"Call me sentimental but I think people have more worth then a cow." Andi made a face and shrugged. "If you say so."

Their was awkward silence for a moment and Andi moved closer to you. "Y/n, please say something," She begged. "Leave."

"What?"

"You heard me Andi." You refused to meet her eyes that you knew were brimming with tears from just her tonality. "Y-y/n, I just found you and I don't want to lose that again. I-i love you!"

"I know you do but I'm sorry. I can't be with you. Not when you're like this." Andi's face went from hysterical to stone cold. "Fine." She picked her purse and walked towards the door, looking at you longingly for a moment before leaving.

You watched her get into an RV and drive off. Once she was out of sight you slumped down onto your couch and covered your face, beginning to cry.

Meanwhile Andi angrily pulled into the Bluebell Campground, the RV coming to the a screeching hault.

Rose, who was a deep state of meditation found her pattern broken at the sound of it. She angrily withdrew her hand from lap, disturbing Crow Daddy who had his head laying on her legs. "The fuck?" She whispered and moved away from him.

"Andi's back already?" He groaned, beginning to sit up. "Yeah. I thought she was going to take longer." She stood up off her pillows. "I'm going to go check on her. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay," Crow hummed and placed a gentle kiss on her hand. Rose smiled softly and kissed the top of his head before climbing down the ladder and strolling over to Andi's RV. She knocked once before entering.

"You know, I know like to show off sometimes but you don't-" Rose stopped what she saying and shut the door behind her. "What's the matter?" She asked, seeing Andi's tears.

"She turned me away.." She grumbled. "Me! Of all people." Rose sat down next to Andi and tried to get her to look her in the eye. "Did she why or-"

"She's mad at me! She doesn't love me anymore." Rose had to bite her tongue to stop herself from making some remark about you being a stupid rube since she knew how highly Andi always spoke of you.

"Honey, I'm sure that's not true. Did she say that?" Andi shook her head. "N-no! She said she didn't agree with what we did and that she still loved me but just the way she looked me..she looked so ashamed of me!"

Rose hesitantly pulled Andi into a hug. "Well..maybe she just needs time to come around." The younger woman shook her head. "No..she just doesn't want me!"

Rose said nothing a pressed a kiss against her temple. "And then she accused me of doing something to her daughter and I couldn't-I would never-"

"I know..I know. Just give her some time. Because if she does love you the way you say she does, I'm sure she'll come around." Andi only shook her head. "No..she won't. Not this time."

For the next two weeks Andi moped around the campsite, her moods going from high to low and her temper higher than ever.

The whole True noticed it and they were concerned. Everyone tried to talk to her about it and give her advice in many different ways but nothing worked.

On day 14 Rose could finally take no more and she pulled Crow aside to talk. "Look! I know it's not my place but fuck! I can't take this anymore. She's sad all the time and if I have to keep playing nice every time she makes a bitchy remark to me I'm going to not be so fucking nice anymore."

Crow took his hands in her's. "I know..I know. What can we really do for her though, Rosie? If the girl doesn't want to be with her, we can't force her."

"I don't care! If that's the key to her happiness and the end to Andi's bitchness then I want her."

"Rosie-"

"I want her- I fucking want her!"

A few days later you were laying on the couch and reading a book when you heard a knock. It was persistent and you let out a groan. "I'm coming!" The knocking became more urgent and you groaned. "I said I'm coming!"

You looked out the peephole and seen a woman standing on your porch. You cracked the door open. "Well, hi there! Y/n, isn't it?" You hesitantly open the door more and nodded. "Top hat, grey eyes, you must be Rose."

"Your intelligence is well noted, my dear." "She pushed her way past you and slipped through the door, grabbing the sides of your face. "My, aren't you a pretty thing? I see why Andi is so over the moon with you." You shoved Rose away from you. "What the hell makes you think you're welcome in my house?"

"Oh I'm not but desperate times call for desperate measures." She hung her coat up on a hook and walked past you, looking around your living room. "Desperate times?" You asked and she nodded. Rose took one of the picture frames off the wall and looked deeply into a picture of you and your daughter. You wanted to rip out of her hands and scream at her not to touch it but all it would do would give her more kicks. At least it seemed that way at first.

For a second you could of swore you almost felt something close to Rose being sentimental. Once you seen that she wasn't doing it for kicks, the urge faded. "What was her name?" She ran a thumb across the clean glass and focused deeply into it. "Y/d/n."

"Y/d/n," She reiterated silently. "Yes..I see why you're defensive now. You have a steamy little spawn..pretty like you too. I don't have to be around her to see that." Rose turned her head away from the picture. "I can assure you though, I don't have her. Or have ever had her in my possession at any point if that brings you any closure."

You nodded and rubbed your face. "What do you want?" Rose sat down on the small sofa. "I wanted to have a talk with you. It's your house, honey. Sit, please."

You sat down across from Rose who took your hands in hers. "My Andi-"

"She's not yours. She's her own person but go on."

Rose grinned. "My, I struck a nerve. Didn't I? Anyways, Andi is not well." You furrowed your brows. "Oh? How so?"

"She has not been the same since she seen you. Some times when I see Andi, she is an empty shell. She'll come out of her trailer and eat, after that she goes back in and I don't see her for the rest of the day. Other days she's more feisty."

You had to fight the urge to let out a bitter laugh. "You haven't noticed she has mood swings by now?"

"This is different," Rose snapped. "It's concerning the family and no matter what efforts I've taken to wipe your existence from her mind, she refuses to forget you. So-"

"If you're going to ask me to come with you, don't expect me to give you a different answer then I gave Andi."

Rose smiled gamely. "I expected as much but I'm not asking, I'm telling you that you're coming with me." She turned her attention to the dark corner of the room.

"Daddy, I thought you were never coming." You shivered and slowly rotated your body to look in the corner. The only thing you could see were those same haunting blue eyes Andi showed you. A see of blood flashed over your eyes momentarily.

"Traffic was a bitch." He changed his gaze to look at you. "That Y/n?" Rose nodded and stood up. "Y/n, who's giving me a hard time so I might need your assistance."

She smiled down at you and pulled a needle out of her pocket. "The stiller you stay, the easier this will go for you."

"Fuck you." You kicked the coffee table and went to go run out the front door. "Crow!" Rose screamed. "Already on it, Rosie." As soon as your hand connected with the door knob you felt two pairs of hands grasp your mind. Your body went cold and you attempted to let out a scream but nothing happened. "I told you not to run, sweetie," Rose tutted and had Crow wrap his arms around your collar bone.

"Just a little pinch, sweetie." You winced as you felt the needle puncture your skin and the drug entering your body. You fought to keep your eyes open but you felt so tired. "Don't fight it." Rose grinned and patted the top of your head. "Sleep."

Eventually you went limp in Rose's arms. "Well, that went differently than I expected." She grinned. "You have the car pulled around front?"

"You know it Rosie. Am I taking her back or are you?" She thought about it for a moment. "I will. Just in case she tries to pull something." Rose kissed his cheek. "I owe you, honeydoll."

"You owe me, nothing." He kissed her forehead. "Be careful." She hummed in response and began to carry you out to the Jeep as Crow made his way towards his RV, closing himself in.

Rose set you down sitting up and buckled you in. "Jackpot!" She slammed her hands on the dashboard and began the drive back to the Bluebell with you in tow.

When she and Crow arrived back, Andi was already asleep but it didn't stop Rose from banging on her door.

"Andi! Rise and shine!" Rose grinned and knocked loudly. It took a few minutes but Andi swung the door open. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Rose forced her way inside. "And you couldn't of waited until tomorrow morning?!"

"Oh sweetie, you know me better than that." She caressed Andi's cheek. "Yeah, I do. Which means you have another reason for being here. So what is it?"

"You can bring her in now, Crow." Andi's eyes went wide as she seen Crow Daddy carry you inside her trailer and gently set you down on her bed.

"Y/n.." She muttered your name softly. "How did you-"

"A little sleeping works a long ways for her." Andi laughed nervously and cracked a smile at Rose. "Thank you." She hugged her tightly. "You're welcome, honey." She patted the top of Andi's head. "Get some rest, please?"

"Yeah." Andi nodded and pulled the covers over you and herself. Rose beckoned for Crow to leave and he immediately obeyed.

She nuzzled close to you in bed, taking in all your features as you slept. "My Y/n.." She hummed softly and kissed you sweetly on the lips.

The next morning when you woke up you refused to talk to Andi at all. "You're mad at me, aren't you?" There was some vulnerability you hadn't heard in Andi's voice in a long time as she handed a cup

"I'm not mad. I'm upset. There's a difference between the two." Andi sighed and sat down next to you, taking your hand in her's. "What was I supposed to do, Y/n? I had no choice."

"I know I'm just-"

"Just frustrated because neither of us had any of this be fair. At all." Andi caressed your cheek. "I know." You set your tea cup down on the table.

"Hold me?" You reached your arms out to her's and Andi pulled you close to her chest. The feeling of her warmth relieved some of the tension in your body and you nuzzled close to her.

"This feels nice.." You muttered softly. "We can have this forever if you want. I know I just..I'm not ready for that."

"And that's okay, I'll wait for you. I know I can't take all the pain away, but I'll try." Andi kissed you sweetly on the lips and you returned the gesture. "Thanks."

"Come on, it's time I introduce you to everyone." Andi held her out to touch yours and you eagerly took it as she brought you outside to meet the rest of the family.

It might of not of been traditional but you had Andi and she had you. You were home.

[soniabigcheese]

12 Days of Christmas Tracy Style

Because of the boycott yesterday, I have fallen behind one day. So I thought I'd combine two days in one.

That's cheating?

Nah.

Seven Swans a Swimming and Six Geese a Laying

Gordon was stuck for a present for Lady Penelope and confided in Virgil for some tips.

"How about chocolates?"

"I always get them for her.... I need to go ... BIGGER"

"How about a painting?"

"You know I can't paint Virge, you're the one with that gift."

He huffed, his shoulders sagging.

"When talent was passed through the family, guess they ran dry when it came to me."

Virgil stared at his brother.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Huh?"

"You're a great swimmer."

"Yeah, right ... And how's that going to help me with Penny's present?"

Virgil tilted one of his eyebrows at his brother's slip into informality. But didn't say a thing. He and the rest of the family knew about his major crush on the elegant aristocrat of International Rescue.

He might be a bit of a prankster, a joker, but he wore his heart on his sleeve.

But that didn't stop a REALLY wicked idea creeping into Virgils head. After all, he'd often been the victim of many of Gordon's famous pranks.

"Say, how about the Twelve Days of Christmas? Take a leaf out of that book."

Gordon thought long and hard.

"Fair point, but how the heck am I going to organise each day? We're already well into December now! Christmas is but a week away."

He counted on his fingers.

"We're on day Six. Geese and swans. How am I going to get those?"

"There's a bird sanctuary that Lady Penelope likes to contribute to. Surely you'd know all about that one? Gordon, I'm surprised at you. You know so much about our London agent."

He turned to see Scott and Kayo approaching.

"So ... what are you two plotting?"

"Christmas presents ... Lady Penelope's present to be exact. OW!"

Virgil earned himself a sharp elbow from Gordon, who threw him a dirty look.

"Bird sanctuary huh?"

Scott pondered, then snapped his fingers with a big smile.

"That's a great idea Gordo, I'd say go for it. It'll make a change from those chocolates you always send to her."

"Really?"

Gordon was surprised at Scott's approval. Usually his older brother would instantly put a damper on any of his manic ideas.

"Yeah sure."

Just then, John appeared.

"Guys ... we have a situation."

It was a quick rescue That required just Scott and Virgil. So that left Gordon to ponder over the swans and geese idea.

****

Fast forward 24 hours

A hologram of Lady Penelope appeared in the lounge of Tracy Island. And she didn't look happy at all.

"Gordon ... a word?"

Her tone was clipped and curt, and she looked stressed out.

"Hey Lady P, how's it going? Did ya like my present?"

"No."

He looked confused. It was supposed to be a romantic gesture, that's all. What could possibly go wrong with that?

"Who on earth would send two crates of geese and swans as a present to someone?"

"But I thought it was a better idea than the chocolates."

"Chocolates ... I can handle. These ... birds ..."

She flared her nostrils and took a deep breath.

"I can't have visitors or host parties because there's an on going battle between both sets of birds. They're attacking anyone who goes too near to the lake and have taken it in turns to bid for territory of the grounds. Not only that, one of the geese has laid eggs so it's warfare?

Neither Parker nor I can sleep because they're making such a racket."

His jaw dropped. He never thought of the repercussions of sending live poultry to her estate.

Scott turned to Gordon.

"You sent her live birds?"

"You gave me the go ahead Scott."

"I thought you were making a sizeable donation to the bird sanctuary."

"It was Virgils idea."

"Hey, don't blame me."

"So ... what's your plan - Gordon?"

He sat and thought for a little while.

"I'll have them removed ..."

"Have fun with that, they're fast and nasty, especially the one with the clutch of eggs."

"... send them to the bird sanctuary..."

"What good will that do? The sanctuary is already over full."

"... And make a very generous donation to help the volunteers."

[firelady]

ML Winter Week Day One- Hot Chocolate

"Hey, Nino," said Alya, approaching the DJ, "could I cash in that favor you owe me? I need you to do something for me."

Nino removed his burnt-orange headphones. "Sure. What do you need?"

"This may sound ludicrous, but I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend," she requested without preamble.

Nino choked comically. "Wh-What—?" he spluttered.

"My parents are having a fancy dinner tonight with my bastard of a cousin, Madeleine," she explained shamelessly, wrinkling her nose with aversion. "And she's bringing her equally snobby fiancee, so I want to show her that I too have an active love life, so that she'll have one less thing to mock me for."

Nino was still red-faced. "Couldn't you ask Adrien? He's the perfect gentlemen."

"Are you chickening out, Lahiffe?" Alya challenged.

That was her best strategy: make a dilemma into an irresistible challenge. Nino could not turn her down.

"You know what, I'll be your fake boyfriend," he consented. "What time should I come?"

"The dinner is at eight but Madeleine arrives at six, so I would say come around seven. That way, I'll only have to endure her for an hour."

"You got it." And then he recognized another flaw. "Won't your parents be suspicious?"

Alya waved his question aside dismissively. "I'll take care of it. All you have to do is wear something nice, be punctual, and channel Adrien. That's all."

"What do you mean, channel Adrien?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "Be charming, be polite, I dunno. You're his friend."

"Right," he said, wondering what he had gotten himself into this time.

...

"I don't know what to wear!" moaned Nino to his friend. "What exactly does a fake boyfriend wear to his fake girlfriend's family dinner?"

"What a real boyfriend wears," suggested Adrien dryly. "You're way overthinking this."

Nino sighed, flopping onto his bed like a limp fish. "I just want to impress them, dude."

"Them, or her?"

"Her—them—just help me out here! I have to leave, in like, twenty minutes!"

"Fine." Adrien stood and surveyed Nino's pitiful wardrobe (in his opinion). "Do you have any dress shirts?"

"I have two."

"What colors?"

"Navy and light blue." He fished them out and laid them out on his bedspread, and Adrien eyed them critically.

"Wear the navy," Adrien instructed. "It'll make you look more sophisticated."

Nino donned the shirt. It had an stiff, itchy collar, but he ignored it stubbornly.

"Now, you need pants," the blonde continued. "You should probably wear formal ones."

"Here." Nino produced a pair of tight-fitting brown slacks. "Will these work?"

"Yeah."

Nino pulled the pants over his bare legs and buttoned them before consulting Adrien. "How do I look?"

Adrien appraised him.

"You'll definitely impress them," was the verdict, "but not without combing your hair."

Nino sprinted to the bathroom and dragged his comb through his dark hair until it looked tidier.

"Much better," Adrien acknowledged. "I think you're ready."

For the first time, butterflies soared in his stomach. "Are you sure?"

Adrien rolled his eyes. "Stop worrying and relax, dude. You look fine."

"Thanks for being a life-saver," Nino said gratefully. "You're quite the fashion guru."

"Yeah, well, when both your father and your girlfriend are fashionistas, you start having an eye for style," Adrien replied, chuckling. "There are a few things I could live without though—color-coordinating my closet being one of them."

Nino grinned and happened to glance at the time. He yelped.

"I have to leave in five minutes!"

He fastened his watch on his wrist and fast-walked to the front door, where shoes were scattered on the floor without any semblance of organization.

He yanked on a pair of his dad's formal work shoes and turned to his friend hurriedly, who was waiting behind him patiently.

"Here, take my car." He dropped the keys for his convertible in Nino's hand. Nino gaped at him.

"Dude, I can't—"

"I'll just walk back to my flat," Adrien interrupted. "It's not that far. I want you to pull out all the stops tonight to impress Alya and her family. So just take my car."

Nino wanted to argue, but one hasty glance at the clock told him he didn't have time to. "Thanks," he mumbled and dashed out the door to the silver convertible parked on the street.

Adrien smiled. "It's not a problem."

...

He was actually five minutes early, despite having to stop by the flower shop to pick up a bouquet. He arrived at Alya's door at five minutes before seven and dawdled outside for two, before ultimately working up the nerve to knock.

Alya was the one to answer; he suspected she had been anticipating him eagerly.

She looked, simply put, really pretty. He had never seen Alya in a dress, but this sight just blew him away. She was wearing a coral-colored maxi dress that hugged her curves and accentuated her bosom. Mascara and lipstick enhanced her natural beauty, and her auburn hair was still wavy, but she'd inserted a butterfly clip to hold back her hair.

She looked so graceful and elegant that Nino had to swallow back a lump of nervousness in his throat.

Alya, in turn, was surprised that Nino had made an effort to look presentable. His dark hair was brushed back and he was devoid of his customary cap. He was dressed smartly in a wrinkle-free navy dress shirt and brown slacks that compliment his golden eyes. In addition, the thick-framed glasses were gone.

She would go as far as saying he looked downright handsome.

"You look...dapper," she said.

"Thanks. You look—" He teetered on saying gorgeous, but that might be too awkward.

"—great," he amended, thrusting the flowers forward. "These are for you."

"Thank you." Alya took the proffered bouquet and clutched it against her chest.

They stood in silence, but not for long.

"Alya dear!" called Mme Césaire. "Don't leave our guest waiting."

"Yes, it is very rude," added a posh British accent.

Alya seemed to jerk herself out of her reverie. "Coming!" she called back with a hint of annoyance. She grabbed Nino's arm, pulled him into the sitting room and shut the door. She turned around to face him, hazel eyes serious.

"Like I said, be charismatic," she hissed. "Madeleine will nitpick and point out every weakness of yours, but don't let it faze you."

Nino nodded determinedly.

"And tonight, we're supposed to charade as a couple," she continued in a low whisper, "so be affectionate. Don't shy away."

Nino nodded his head again. "So keep the facade of a couple and don't let your cousin get to me," he listed. "Is that all?"

Alya opened her mouth, but was cut off by another gruffer voice. "Alya?"

"We're coming!"

Alya strode swiftly down the hall, Nino just a step behind her. Just outside the dining room, she paused and interlaced her fingers through Nino's fingers, giving the illusion that they were quite fond of each other.

They were greeted by the sight of a woman with piercing green eyes and over-styled ebony hair. She was perched daintily on a chair and was inspecting her manicured nails idly. She looked up as soon as Alya and Nino walked in and arched her eyebrows.

"So this is Nino," she said, sounding unimpressed as she scrutinized him. Nino suddenly felt conscious of his appearance, but repeated Alya's advice in his head: Don't let it faze you.

"And you must be Madeleine." He kept his tone deliberately casual as he looked her straight in the eye.

Madeleine tossed back her hair. "My fiancee is in the loo, but he will return shortly. Have a seat, please."

Now he understood why Alya had described her cousin the way she did. She was stuck-up and chattered nonstop about herself, barely allowing Nino to speak. Her fiancee was no better, having eyes for no one but his wife-to-be.

Nino tried his best to be patient, but was finding it difficult. The only thing keeping him composed was Alya, squeezing his hand every so often.

...

Alya snuggled up to Nino on the couch, sipping hot chocolate with a straw. The TV was playing reruns of their favorite movie.

"Thanks for being my fake boyfriend," she said.

"No problem," he replied, meaning it. "I enjoyed it, in spite of that obnoxious cousin of yours and her fiancee."

Alya laughed. "So did I. You know, we should definitely go out for coffee sometime."

"Are you asking me out, Césaire?"

"Yes, you dufus."

"Then the answer is definitely yes."

[dino0316]

EXCLUSIVE:

Eden Hazard: "I want to show that I am made for Real"

(Words: Jürgen Geril / Photo: Kris Van Exel)

Fasten your seat belts. This is your captain speaking. The Red Devils kick off their European Championship in Russia tonight and then it is Eden Hazard (30). Not quite fit yet, but soon the captain who can lead us to the European title. Despite a season full of injuries, Hazard allowed us an exclusive interview in which he got quite personal. "My sons are very sorry if I can't play with them in the garden due to injuries."

Eden Hazard

The injections I got in both hips work, but I will never be 100 percent in that first match

You don't just arrange an interview with Eden Hazard. At Real Madrid he continuously held off the boat. Because Real is a world team that does not hand out its stars on a tray, but also because Hazard was injured more than fit and received a lot of criticism. Then you are not always in the mood to talk. At the Red Devils, the captain excelled in his absence for 17 months.

But a conversation is possible during this European Championship preparation. That is, if we can present a negative Covid test. So, one day after we let such a Swiffer stick tickle our eyeball, we sit down at Hazard's table. Eden slumps sprawled under a parasol. “During such preparation, I do have some free hours,” he says. “Okay, sometimes I play cards with teammates, but Mertens and co. don't always like it when I join. (grins) I'm not very good at it and then I cheat to tease the others. Creating atmosphere, huh. Fire your questions.”

Eden, there's been so much speculation about your thigh injury. You indicated that you will never be one hundred percent fit for the opening match. What about now? Can you play against Russia?

“The desire to appear at the kick-off is, of course, there. I can play a good match without training a lot, but – honestly – I don't want to start just to start. The good feeling in my legs will return and the injections I received in both hips work, but I will never be 100 percent in that first match. Even if I just come in, don't expect me to make the difference against Russia right away."

You played only 9 minutes against Croatia. Don't you need net matches to grow into your best form?

“I get better when I can play one, two, three matches in a row. Then the ball feeling returns and the rhythm returns, but I don't want to force it either. If I have to be more patient, so be it. Fortunately, I am not the only one in Belgium who can decide a match. We have so many good players who can score.”

What I wonder: is there no mutual competition among the Devils who is now the greatest world champion? You, De Bruyne, Lukaku,...?

“We don't participate in such games. The ranking is clear, isn't it? When it comes to passing, Kevin is the best, no one can finish better than Romelu, Doku is the sprint bomber and Thibaut Courtois is the best with his hands. Everyone has their specialty and that's what makes us so good. Where am I? I'm hanging in there. I'm good at everything, but I'm not the best at anything. I am a good mix.” (grins)

You say you don't want to force against Russia. Did you do that at Real Madrid? For example, you played in the Champions League against Mönchengladbach after two group training sessions.

(hesitating) “With all those injuries I forced once, yes. I had already been out twice and felt pain again during training. I thought to myself: This is no longer possible. If I now indicate that I am in pain, I have to stop for another two weeks . So I was silent and continued. At Chelsea I often played football with discomfort. Stiffness, a kick I got,... Once warmed up, it went well and in seven years that never led to major injuries in England. Unfortunately, at Real it was the other way around. The next day: Bam, more pain. ”

It all started with that kick by Meunier in the Champions League in 2019. Then you started having problems with that plate in your ankle and since then you have had one muscle injury after another.

“Ah, I played with that picture for two years at Chelsea without hindrance. It's just hard to understand. I do everything I can to not get injured, work hard in the gym – which is really boring – and then a new injury often followed. Bad luck. Hopefully that period is behind me now, because I've had it with it."

Belgium knows you as a cheerful French, but your eyes are dimmed.

“I'm still the same, you know. I still have fun, but I can't say I'm happy. That's only me when I can have fun on the field. That has not happened in the past two years at Real. If you have one or two injuries, you can easily turn the switch. You rehabilitate to come back stronger. If it's five, six, seven injuries, it's much more difficult mentally. But I continue. It's not that I'm 36 years old and can say enough is enough. I also get a lot of support during such periods. The whatsapp group with my parents and my brothers Thorgan, Kylian and Ethan does not stand still. My wife and children are also there. Although my sons find it especially bad because I can play football with them less in the garden.”

Are your four sons – Yanis, Leo, Samy and Santi – addicted to playing soccer with their daddy?

“We often play football. Then they try to play a ball through my legs and if they succeed, that's great. That's football. But for now I gate them more often than they gate me. My kids are starting to get it, because now they are constantly defending with their legs closed. They're not bad, but it's too early to tell if they have the talent of the Hazards."

Do they play with the youth of Real Madrid?

“No, Yanis and Leo play together in a team close to our house, Samy just started training there and the youngest is still too small. They should play football for fun. If I can, I'll look, but then I'm not constantly giving directions. That's the coach's job."

We don't really see a trainer in you later on. Not at a professional level, anyway.

“Never say never, but for now I share your opinion. I would be a bad coach. One that says: Grab a ball and do something fun with it . I don't like tactics. If we have an hour of video analysis, as a professional football player, of course I pay attention. You can always learn something, but it's not my favorite activity. I also watch less and less football on TV. Not to the Belgian league anyway, unless my brother Kylian participates at Cercle. In Germany I follow Thorgan at Dortmund, but for the rest? I am more concerned with my family.”

Do your children empathize with you?

“They are fans of Real, but they don't follow every match. During this European Championship they will support the TV with Belgian shirts. It's double. The more we win, the longer they have to miss their daddy, but okay: the boys hope that Belgium becomes European champion and above all that I am fit and healthy on the field."

What do you think of the statement that your injuries are due to stress? At Real you span your muscles through the nerves.

“ N'importe quoi . bland. Of course there is pressure. Real Madrid is the biggest club of all. When you play football there, people expect you to be the best in the world. But why should I be stressed? It's my dream club from when I was little. I looked at Zidane with admiration at Real...”

You are the record purchase of 120 million. Some argue that Chelsea got even more.

“I don't know how much it was myself. Hundred million or more? I am not concerned with money. I only think about the field.”

You also had to succeed Cristiano Ronaldo at Real.

"That is something else. I am not Cristiano Ronaldo. Ronaldo scores 60 to 70 goals in a year, I score 60 to 70 goals in seven or eight years. We are different. For example, I will never jump that high above a defender to head in a ball. Imagine. But I did not enter Madrid with the idea: I have to be the new Ronaldo here . I just have to be Eden Hazard.”

According to our analyst René Vandereycken, they are still not playing you well at Real. They should – according to him – also give you the ball if there are two men in your back.

“It makes sense that they don't, because I haven't shown anything at Real yet. If we play a match tomorrow and I dribble from between three players, they're going to play me more like that. Then confidence grows. That's how it was at Chelsea, that's how it is at the Red Devils. The European Championship can also help me show myself to Real Madrid.”

So are you one hundred percent sure you'll stay?

“Yeah, it didn't even occur to me for a second that I better leave. I'm not going to leave there a failure. I just want to prove that I am made for Real Madrid. The past two years have been difficult. I was in Madrid without actually being in Madrid, you know? And if I did play, it was difficult because of Covid. We played in that small stadium on the practice complex without fans, while I just signed to play football for a full Bernabeu. I hope that the works on our stadium will be finished soon and that the stands will fill up again. I need that.

Real remains another universe. A kilo too much or a bad match and you will be killed. The press and the fans are on your skin. Bale once said: 'When I come out, I immediately have fifty fans behind me.'

“Criticism is part of Real, just like the attention of the fans is part of it. Okay, luckily I live in a closed neighborhood where you don't just drive in. If the supporters could ring my door, it wouldn't be possible. (laughs) But I don't mind signing autographs elsewhere. I try to live a normal life.”

Fans and press were outraged when you laughed and joked with Chelsea players Mendy and Zouma after the elimination in the semi-finals of the Champions League.

“That was wrong, yes. What Mendy and Zouma said wasn't even funny, but I've played with Zouma and I know Mendy through the door. It's always nice to see friends again. Although I understand that I have damaged the image of Real Madrid. Everyone thought I didn't lose sleep over that shutdown, but nothing could be further from the truth. Deep down I was very disappointed. If there was one match I wanted to win, it was against my ex-club Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. I was shocked when I saw those images.”

How did your teammates react?

“I got some phone calls, but honestly: it's a very nice group of players. That is also one of the reasons I absolutely want to stay: the good atmosphere. You know, when I first stepped into Real's dressing room, I was impressed. That was my favorite all-star club, but guys like Sergio Ramos or Karim Benzema are just regular guys. The Spaniards sometimes take the whole group to quiet restaurants.”

Hold on... Eden Hazard was impressed?

“Yes, but I'm fast, you know. When a new talent arrives at the Red Devils, I quickly think: Wow, he can teach us something . Jérémy Doku, for example. What he shows in training speaks for itself. His dribbling, his acceleration.”

Do you recognize yourself in Doku?

“It is a dear guest. He's even faster and more explosive than the young Eden. Jérémy integrates well, but that is not difficult with these Devils. We grow older in age, but our minds remain young. I am still eighteen years old in that regard. I'm not saying that the previous generation of Devils was surly and unkind, but this core is more open to youngsters."

Have you asked Dries Mertens what it is like to work with Carlo Ancelotti? He will be the new coach of Real Madrid.

“Ancelotti has already messaged me. He told me that he is very happy to be coach of Real Madrid again, but that we will have time to talk at length later. He wished me luck at the European Championship. I didn't have to ask Mertens how Carlo Ancelotti is, because at Real there are still many players – Benzema, Modric, Kroos,...– who remember him from his previous visit in Madrid. They all say that Ancelotti is fantastic. A good person who knows how to play and lead a group. Last season Real won nothing, next season we want to take revenge.”

With Zinedine Zidane, your great patron left Real Madrid.

“I called him. It hurt me to see him leave. We had two years where we could show beautiful things and it failed. That is a disappointment to both him and me. Everyone knows the relationship I had with Zidane. He used to be my idol. Because of him I started to watch football with admiration. That goal he scored in the Champions League final against Bayer Leverkusen... Everyone knows that volley. Well, hopefully one day I will score such a beautiful goal. I must try that. Maybe at the European Championships.” (laughs)

Another great idol will return to the Red Devils: Thierry Henry.

“That's great. Better to have Titi with us than to have him elsewhere. A former player like Henry means an added value. He has experience in tournaments, won the World Cup and the European Championship. There are few ex-football players who have such an appearance.”

In what area does he help you the most?

“Actually, he doesn't talk much. Henry radiates calm, romps around the terrain and occasionally gives tips: Why don't you walk like that? There is the free space... He has a special aura. It is good for us that such an icon is now back in our staff. Moreover, it frightens the opponents. If we had to play against a team with Zidane as coach tomorrow, we immediately think: oh la la .”

Are we the favorites to win the European Championship?

“No, Belgium is a team that can win the European Championship, but the big favorite is France. They are world champions and still have the same team, supplemented by some new strong players such as Benzema. They are the team to beat. We are an outsider.”

Final question. You never played in Belgium. Will we ever see you play football in Belgium like Kompany did at a later age?

“All due respect to Kompany. He took Belgian football to a higher level, but I don't see myself playing in the Belgian league. I have been living abroad with my family for years: seven years in London and hopefully five years in Madrid. Returning with the whole family seems complicated to me. After my career I may live in a remote place. Laid back. But believe me: I still have five or six great football years ahead of me.”

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