#I love Cartman dialogue

[hatsunevitu]

for some reason i enjoy so much the idea of kyle actually genuinely liking cartman’s appearance. like, he would never admit it – especially to cartman – but somehow eric really is a perfect match for kyle’s preferences.

therefore he can’t possibly stand the idea of cartman changing his appearance to become more “beautiful” in other people’s opinions, because kyle likes him the way he already is — and kyle already is sure cartman is beautiful.

so eeeevery time cartman has even a tiniest thought of losing weight, kyle makes sure he will change his mind.

cartman: I don’t know, man, maybe I really should lose weight… I mean, I’m hot as hell right now, but imagine all those girls who will go completely insane when they see me all skinny and sexy?

kyle: Gross. I don’t want to even think about it.

cartman: Are you jealous, Kyle? Or are you just envious ‘cuz I get more females’ attention being big-boned than you do with your thin ass?

kyle: Don’t you flatter yourself, Fatass. When was the last time a girl looked at you without a terror on her face?

cartman: Oh, shut up, Jew! You’re just afraid you’ll look even uglier next to me.

kyle: So you’re going on a diet, right?

cartman: Right!

kyle: Okay, good luck with this. …Oh, wait, isn’t this a KFC restaurant right there? And, wow, look: I have fifteen bucks right here! Damn, that’s just perfect for a double portion of chicken...

cartman: No… you sneaky little…

kyle: Huh? What’re you saying? I didn’t quite catch it. Do you wanna join me, Cartman?

cartman: …I hate you so much, Kyle. You’re going to burn in hell for forever. More than that: I will turn your life to hell myself–

kyle: So you’re going or not?

cartman: …Yes.

ALSO yes he’d support cartman’s decision to lose weight for himself but he just hates the idea of cartman changing his body just for social standards. and i just want at least one person to completely adore cartman’s looks and compliment him and i think kyle’d be the one to do so. once he get over his embarrassment, he’ll start telling nice things to cartman once in a while and cartman who is absolutely not used to genuine praise will be so. fucking. happy. every time.

[eat-a-dicker]

that opening cinematic with liane and cartman was goddamn adorable. aaah

[randomsufff]

HEHAHBFKI More South Park doodles I think I’m going insane.

Actually this is kind of the product of me being liking South Park way back in high school but was too embarrassed to draw them when I was bored in class and now it’s all kinda flooding back 💀

Read below if you want to know more about my New Kid and my thoughts behind some of the doodles cause this turned out longer then I though 💀

Anyways- introducing my New Kid. No name cause I literally have no idea. Whatever the cannon name is ig- though I’d think it’d be funny if she was referred to New Kid by literally everyone like in game. I like the idea that a lot of people have with their New Kids that they liked the makeover section with the girls during the Stick of Truth a little too much. I also like it cause… uh… I didn’t play Stick of Truth. (The combat system is not my cup of tea) So it’s not until the start of TFBW does she know shes really a girl.

To give context to the top right drawing- I couldn’t remember the dialogue Wendy says in the alleyway if you say you’re a trans girl- but I do know what she says if your a cis girl (I always knew you were a girl) cause I did a second play through as a cis girl. And I don’t know if there’s supposed to be a huge time jump between the end of Stick of Truth and TFBW but I think it would be funny if it was just the next day- so combine these two fact to get “Wendy always clocked New Kid as a girl but NK just found out yesterday 💀”

Anyways- she’s such a cutie, I love her and her cool superhero outfit I gave her. Outside of the game- I’d like to think of her basically exactly how she acts in game. Mostly non-verbal, with the occasional zingy one liner, and just kinda goes along with the crazy shit the happens in South Park un phased. Like if she was in a episode- the plot would happen and she would be on screen, but wouldn’t say anything, and anytime another character would address her, they’d respond however as if she spoke lmao. Aroace, just like me, so she’s just friends with everyone (except Cartman) and vibes with everyone.

The mini Style comic I though of cause 1) I wondered if Kyle had the same elf ears as the other elfs did in game (again, never played and it’s been a while since I saw gameplay so whoops if it’s confirmed or whatever) and 2) I thought it would be funny if Stan was caught lacking and tried to /rp his way out of it (I wanted to add an extra bit where Kyle would be like “Oh, are our characters gay for each other??? (ARE YOU /SRS OR /J STAN)” and Stan would have to just “yes, and” his way out.)

The last three images were kinda of a stream of consciousness put on paper and made neat lol. I really like showing that all the costumes the kids wear are homemade and stuff- either stuff taken from their parents or visibly taped together etc- cause I think it’s charming. Anyways- I though Kyle’s little robe could be like one of his parents bath robe- and it would be a little too long for him to run without eating shit so he’d have to hike it up like a skirt/dress. Which lead to me thinking that Cartman would say some shit about that and how Kyle, who has a literal Golf Club, would smack his ass up. Which then lead to me thinking about how since Kyle’s the Elf King and Stan’s basically his right hand how he might lift it up wedding dress style if needed (/RP GUYS, RIGHT?RIGHT???) and how Cartman would react, which lead to that one JoJo meme cause thats literally how they’d retaliate.

Always- I’ll probably have at least one more post about South Park I swear. There was a period of time before I stopped watching (I gotta pick it up again) where I would doodle a bit of whatever was happening in the episode, each episode. Crazy I know, but not only did it improve my drawing skills but it helped me remember what actually happened in episodes cause I have shit memory and definitely don’t remember some of the episodes I watched. So I might redraw some of those- see if anyone can tell what episode they’re from.

[ellies-cove]

hey shawty- can i get a uhhhhh mystqueerion x fem or gn yn? preferably smut but whatever ur comfortable w/(aged up obviously)

:3

Oh wow-

I don't know if they wanted head cannons sooo...

These are not my characters, if the owner wants me to take down the post I wouldn't mind. :) - Moon 🌕

TW: Smut, fingering, Exhibitionism, Worship kink, Blowjobs, Breeding kink + Lactating kink.

Mysterion with a Fem! S/O

SFW!

He's your big scary dog. You're just his fancy, tiny puppy. He's making sure you're safe at night, sending himself or another person from Freedom and Pals. Tries to get Call Girl (Wendy cough cough) to befriend you. And you two become besties. He has to know if you're gonna go anywhere that night just in case Cartman or anyone else tries to harm you. Loves patroling with you at night. Pretends to hate in when you give him kisses, and he's mumbling stuff like "Not out here while I'm on duty... I need to pay attention..."

NSFW!

He's a soft dom but sometimes he has to let it out and use you uses his deep voice against you. He'll sneak up behind you, groping you while he talks to you in your ear. Either he's a switch-leaning dom or just a dom in general. He's fingered you in an alley before. Made small remarks to Freedom pals that he has a pretty girl with the prettiest tits and a perfect hole. Watches you touch yourself as he face fucks you. Has gotten caught eating you in the Freedom Pals base. Loves your tits so much, he'll suck on them and give him a tit job and will let out the cutest grunts and groans...

Dialogue:

"God princess... Taste so good."

"Fuck! So tight... all mine.."

"You want my cum inside you princess? Hm? Say it."

"Fuckkkk.... Mhmn... G-God... Y-Your tits... So good...MHgm.... Ughhh..."

[heckinhacker]

hi so i was wondering if u could do one like “Eric Cartman x Reader - South Park's days are OVER.” but with kyle, like they are the same and everything, idk if u have already done it

Kyle Broflovski x Reader - South Park might be saved, after all??

Which means we get the version where Kyle meets someone similiar to himself! It's like a 'sequel', (but not really, more like an alternative version with same trope) to “Eric Cartman x Reader - South Park's days are OVER.”

Remember that when I write for South Park, they're teenagers at less(16 y/o minimum), adults at most! it's silly i write it every south park post but better safe than sorry~

I gave Kyle green color for easier reading experience in dialogues!

note: color code might be broken because lately tumblr on pc is being silly goofy

Kyle had a great grasp of how fucked up situations in south park are having occurances

Aaand he's pretty aware there will be noone else who understands him.

Or so he thought.

There is a new student announced to be in his class while you all were in 4th grade or so?

And you seemed not too quiet, nor too shy, but surely smart enough not to push yourself into any weird situations.

Teacher sat you both together and Kyle tries to talk you up-

"Hey! I'm Kyle, it's refreshing to have a new face around. Want to play with us on long break?"

It's nice to have a new group to play with, so you agree.

Ah, kids and their not complicated feelings, right? <3

You tag along, and you grew really quickly to dislike Cartman-

It's not hard to hate him he's UNBEARABLE,

Kyle wants to let out his signature "Shut up, fatass!"

but you beat him to it-

"Shut up, fatso, mama did not taught you to behave, or was she absent in your life like yo papa?"

You had NO idea he's fatherless and it made other guys go "OOOHHHH--"

you made yourself an enemy in Cartman,

but an ally in Kyle.

You seemed to have similiar nerdy interests,

From playing Stick of Truth and heroes,

to DnD (that he played online, because not with his group-- but he invited you into his new online session!!)

Beside Terrance and Philip, Kyle also liked that vampire/werewolf series called "Under Devil's grasp" that seemed mostly for girls or boring, yet he liked it in secret and once he caught you watching first episodes, just...because,

and then joined you, for his own re-watch and your first watch, he liked seeing how you reacted

"HOW COULD YOU?" you asked out of sudden once, in a call,

"How could I what?" Kyle asks, having you on speaker while he does his homework.

" YOU KNEW ALL THE TIME THAT BARRY WILL BE KILLED AND YOU DID NOTHING TO WARN ME, I GREW TO LOVE HIM AND NOW HE'S GONE."

"Well, you said no spoilers?"

"KYLE."

He giggles, "Plus he had death flags since always so-"

He's playing, it turns out Barry barely lived and hid for like season and a half to return in dramatical moment that he watched with you and you SCREAMED.

And he has a blast with your reactions <3

And so on, you bond over similiarities,

Over years you put many blood, sweat and tears into your friendship, and you're glued by hip. Kyle won't ever pick between you and Stan who is his closer friend, it would be even cruel to ask.

You two got along decently, good, not badly, but it always seemed you're more closer with Kyle than Stan.

You grew beside each other and your families became one, big family because of how close you've gotten between each other and made them grow closer. (Or not if your relation with them is bad)

No matter your family (or your own) relligion, you spend Hanukkah with Kyle and it's almost a norm of you being around.

Listen, Ike? Absolutely adores you. Kyle sometimes has a laugh your'e more of an older sibling than he is.

(Absolute bull, we all know Ike loves Kyle the most <3)

Kyle's family wanted to make little ride to nearest amusement park

Of course they suggested you go too! You're a part of the family already <3

You have the fun of your lives, all of you. Kyle's parents mostly chill around but you, Kyle and Ike are using all the activities possible while you can, stuffing yourselves with snacks and sweets.

Bad idea, if you'd ask me

You went to roller coaster and none of you paid no mind in that choice,

but Kyle's stomach DID pay a mind

Especially in a middle where he felt like throwing out

And hell, he did! But he took out his hat and puked int oit so noone got blessed with mix of dinner and snacks.

He was almost carried out of the roller coaster by you--

You decided to go to ferris wheel and call it after a day.

They were two-people cabin on the wheel, so Ike let you two have one while he went with some other random kid.

Ike is your biggest wingman, he did that on purpose of course. Little guy <3

When you're up high, alone, with Kyle, having option to look at all the view, you can't help but to look at little buildings under you, and then to take a peak at Kyle.

Oh boy, were you surprised when you met his gaze-

He blushed furiously and muttered "Sorry- Uh- did not mean to stare."

Of course - you did not mind, but that was SURPRISING.

You did not bother him about it though. Whatever he had in mind - nothing, or something, he will come around.

But you might've realised that you DO have feelings towards your childhood best friend. For sure.

You remember how I mentioned your shared liked series with Kyle, "Under Devil's grasp" ? Soo...

Imagine it was near end, and studio decided to make finale into movie, two and half hour long one.

It's a series you two follow since you were kids, OF COURSE you have to be there in the cinema.

You ride with Kyle to big city, with his freshly acquired driver license and shitty car of his.

You enjoy your WHOLE drive there, time spent in bigger city, it all was just amazing.

Series, even though it was mostly about vampires and werewolves, was called "Under Devil's grasp" and it's very questionable, for years there were just theories, yet the movie after all those years of content literally ended with said title as last words.

Y'all were crying already enough but it was such a HIT in the face

When you walked out of cinema you whipped your tears out of your eyes, so did Kyle, as you giggled and gushed about the ending of your beloved series.

Ride home was mixed, going from peaceful to chaotic, just atosphere was...magical. Lights of highway, music blasting loudly and Kyle jamming to it, while you take a glance with full adoration at him.

You sing a little, then you rest and sooner than later end up in South Park.

Kyle drives to your house first to drop you off, walks out of car to walk you to your door, and gazes at you.

"Thank you...for today. I had fun! I hope you did too."

"I did, you kidding me? Thanks for even offering. I...really appreciate it."

Kyle seems to hesitate, and then sighs deeply.

"...I love you."

" Yeah, good night to you too man- oh wait what the fuck-??"

"I...wanted to say so, and today's spent time with you made me realise I'd hate you to spend the day out of South Park with someone else. I'd hate for you to have late-night drives with somebody else, I'd hate to see you happy with somebody else because...well, I wish you stayed with me. Of course I mean- have fun with others, I just...I wish you'd keep your heart on my hands. It's fine if you'd prefer to stay friends, I hope it doesn't break our friendship. But I uh...I wanted to let you know."

...that was...a lot. Wow."

He thinks it's a rejection, but...

It's not, really

You grab his cheeks and kiss him before he can get into tangent of self-doubt.

Then smile at him,

and say:

"Information saved. Let's grab something to eat tommorow together too, alright, boyfriend?"

You smile and wave him away goodnight and closed your door.

...

"...boyfriend?"

He's so giddy pls <3

Other's reactions:

Ike:

FUCKING FINALLY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALO.

My little dude was waiting for the moment you hold hands and kiss each other already for TOO LONG

I mean, don't kiss too much in front of him he'd gag, it's still his older brother we're talking about

but at least Kyle pinning over you days are OVER.

He congratulates you and gives you gift cards of "congratulations on marriage!" drew with crayons and pencils

My man Ike is an anime fan, he made you badass gift card <3

Stan:

Not surprised but surprised at the same time.

He's second biggest fan, first being Ike

He learned the news from Kyle himself the same night you became a thing, later Ike hit him up because he was excited BSHSH

He hears Kyle out and congratulates him A LOT

Kenny:

He kind off knew? everyone kind off knew but he was sure you were already dating so...

news were shocking because

"Weren't you dating already? damn-"

he was sure you're married and expecting a kid/j

he doesn't have strong reaction because, as I said, it's not much of a news for him not going to lie

Cartman:

He always tried taking away whatever Kyle loved the most

So he's salty he failed this time

He always makes you both miserable, with slightest show of affection he is making big clown show out of it

Enough that just guys ask you to STOP with PDA because Cartman is being fucking annoying

He's just that salty single friend man for sure <3

Lemme be honest, it's not one of my best works, but I have (I am in a middle of...) 9 days streak of work straight, I am exhausted beyond human belief, but maybe because my ability to hold my ground is shitty, thanks depreshon--

So yes, It's not my best piece, but it was pretty much expected, so :>

I wanted to tag @bath1lda because of "kyle kyle" spam ask hehe- I hope you, and everyone else who read it, a nice "have a good read" :>

[asteria7fics]

Do you have any characters you hate in canon but love to write in your fics?

This is such an interesting question!!

The short answer is... Kinda? There aren't many characters that I genuinely hate on the show (*cough*Pip*cough*), or at least not any that I've decided to include in a fic.

But if you're along for the ride, I've got additional thoughts that sort of answer your question hehehehe

So when I first actually sat down to watch South Park from the beginning I was already primed to dislike Cartman. And who wouldn't? He's a spoiled, selfish, bigoted asshole. So when I set out to write him in TSOB I was... Not stoked, if I'm being honest. His dialogue always took me the longest and I kept his pov super limited because I found him so challenging to write.

Eventually though, something clicked. I'm not sure if it was a deeper understanding of his insecurities or if my own brain finally let go of the political correctness (and fear of backlash for not being particularly PC with him) that was holding my creativity a little bit hostage, but I started finding him far easier to write. Now he's my favorite to write for, and easily one of my favorites in the show!

Otherwise I think the only character I don't adore that I have written for is Clyde. I'm sorry guys, he's just such a sniveling little douche. I don't particularly enjoy writing for him, at least not more than any of the other side characters, though I actually did enjoy him in Not Suitable for Children so maybe I'll come around.

Thank you for the ask!! I had a lot of fun thinking about how to best answer this one! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

[sk3lly-pr1nce-xp]

last south park microceleb au fanart dump for today!

Stan is singing Beachboy by McCafferty in the bottom left

Top right dialogue:

Kyle: DONT YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT VOTING IS?!

Stan: boyfriend go brrrrrrrr

Cartman being fr: Hey Kahl can we have Kanye on the podca-

Kyle: ABSOLUTELY NOT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN ASK ME THAT?!?!??!

God i love drawing Kyle as angry or bewildered as i possibly can he's just such an angry guy. like the kind who starts sobbing out of anger

Also yes he is foaming at the mouth he is one aneurysm away from becoming a Colorado cryptid

[premieredimension]

HEY, YES, YOU:

Here's an awesome idea for a wholesome (or disastrously Cartman) South Park episode:

Remember in 1x16 "Reverse Cowgirl" when Clyde's mom dies, making his dad, Roger Donavan, a widower? And remember how Liane Cartman, mother of Eric Cartman, is a single parent and the town slut?

Yeah. I want Liane and Roger to "fall in love" (basically a transactional fuck, but the kids are, of course, too young to understand). This could also be a "true love" kind of thing, where Liane finally has a man in her life. Roger, of course, has to have a big penis then. This would make Clyde and Eric stepbrothers. It could give insight on how awful Cartman can be (as we all know), but also about Clyde. Apart from the last special ("Not Suitable for Children"), we don't know a lot about Clyde— he's a dumb "sexy jock", a cry baby, Craig's best friend and an antivaxx. And what about Roger? Always in the background, never saying much.

This would be a perfect way to bring Clyde and Roger more into the "inner circle", but also an excellent way to talk about blended (dysfunctional) family. Of course, Liane and Roger's relationship would be temporary... Unless she loses the house again and is forced to go live in the Donovan's house, or the two are simply in love for real. This would make the Donavan-Cartman the only blended family in South Park (if I'm not mistaken), and a great wholesome family episode...

Insert the kid's hatred from one another, a shared bedroom between the two, and Clyde's ever present grief about his still dead mom, and you got yourself an episode! Will Clyde accept Liane as his new mom? Of course he will! He's 10 and he misses his mom so much!! He just wants to call someone mom and have a motherly hug!! Will Eric like that someone other than him calls his mom their's? No, of course not, he's Eric Fucking Cartman: the guy who killed the parents of his enemy, cooked them in a chili and fed them to his enemy, just because he sold him some pubes. He's also the kid who got a boob job, the kid who eats KFC chicken's skin only and an antisemitic, racist piece of shit. Which is why most of us love him: he's one of the best characters ever written.

The episode could end in a multitude of ways: Cartman could kill Roger as "vengeance", making Clyde an orphan;

Roger and Liane could end their relationship and everything goes back to normal;

Roger and Liane stay together, Clyde finds himself with a new mother figure and Eric grows a little;

Or it could be something super wholesome like Cartman refusing Roger because he's a lame nerd, but the man's there for him, with projects and homework, and at the end of the day, Eric finally gets what he's wanted all along since season one: a dad. A dad with the bonus of a brother. Insert B plot about Eric and Clyde's new friendship that forces Craig and Stan's to talk to one another. Oh, and PC principal has to have at least one line of dialogue.

I would call this episode "What Are You Doing, Step-Brother?" just because you can't not name it that.

Trey and Matt (or anyone else on the South Park team), if you're somehow on Tumblr reading this, honestly, I'm baffled but at the same time not really 'cause you asked us to draw Tweek and Craig's Yaoi for you a few years back. However, on the off chance that any one of you find this and like this, all I'm asking is 3,50$.

[hatsunevitu]

hear me out kyle and cartman are both the type to enjoy lovehate relationships in media. and they don’t really admit it but every time there’s a “normal” romantic love scene with a straight couple they literally die from boredom and cringe.

so basically tfbw au, they’re all just hanging out watching superhero movies at cartman’s. one moment they pause the movie – which is something dc-related ofc, ‘cause i strongly believe that both cartman and kenny are dc fans while stan and kyle love marvel more – to discuss plot twists and then the dialogue happens:

cartman: Guys, I’m telling you, Joker is totally into Batman.

stan: Don’t they hate each other?

kyle: Well, yes, they do, but that’s kind of the point.

stan: How can you be in love with someone you hate?

cartman: Dude, you don’t get it! It’s more about rivalry, passion and obsession, you know? It’s sort of a deep feeling.

kyle: Yeah, exactly, and that trope about opposites who attract, that’s just making this relationship even spicier. A new level of romance.

stan, with a concerned look on his face: U-huh… Seems familiar, doesn’t it, Kenny?…

kenny, nodding vaguely: (Yeah.)

AND KYMAN JUST SIT THERE completely unaware of the parallel stan has just drawn. innocent oblivious guys.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

heyyyyy looking for sp fanfics to read (and waiting for ao3 to return from war) do you have any good au fic recs rn? you seem to be the unofficial monarch of South Park fanfic rn, you’re in every comment section it’s beautiful–

(can be finished or still being uploaded, I kinda love the anticipation of chapters being posted like weekly, thanks!!!!!)

Ayyyy stoked to rec some more fics!!! I got some with various ships, various AU’s, mostly unfinished ones that I’m personally eagerly awaiting updates on to be completely feral in the comments!!! Hopefully you’re down w some my dude!

The Multiversal Virus by BrandonTiems bruhhh so yes there are quite a few TFBW/TSOT crossover stories and there is a REASON this is one of the most popular ones!!! Pretty regularly updated too and soooo easy to get sucked into!

Passing Through The Infinite by Jwink85 ok the first chapter dropped only a few days ago and there’s already 3 chaps!!! The characters are so awesome so far, the plot sucks you in dude, we got SUPERHERO ACTION and the gangs all here, the goth kids in chapter three!!! I’m here for it so hard man the dialogue is so great y’all know i fuck w some jwink

Everything I Thought I Could Never Have by Ultramarine_Skai aight so I’m not usually super down with omegaverse but I’m loving this story! We got rockstar Stan too so hellll yeah

The Good Park by mysticmarnie GUYS OK if you watched the good place, it’s THAT but make it South Park!!!!! The casting is phenomenal on ALL PARTS and another with frequent updates; it doesn’t feel like just a name change rip off of the good place show, it actually feels like a well thought out adaptation hell yeah brother

Heathens by Kenzie2898 yallllll holy shit it finished recently and THIS STORY ATE I actually got sucked in so hard and it’s SUCH a the gangs all here fic the pairings are so kickass we got style creek bunny gregstophe dip, fair warning there’s some DARK subject matter but it’s INCREDIBLE and the mystery and crime solving and I am ACTUALLY in love with Stan in it and the whole whole Kenny of it all is phenomenal too, there’s this WILD plot twist with Tweek’s whole thing, the depravity of Cartman in it is just BRUH and Kyle oh my lorddddd

Don’t Mind The Bruises by OrcaTimes YOU KNOW I LOVE ORCAS STORIES AND THIS ONE!!! Kyle centric, juvenile detention au, it’s HEARTBREAKING so far but seeing Kyle warm up to the others is so great and his whole history and inner turmoil is so well handled!!!

Tomorrow Comes Today by tweakystevie YALL WANT A RED DEAD ESQUE AU?!? This shit EATS OK?!? Stan’s gang and Craig’s gang rivalry, the BATTLE CLOSE TO THE END!!! The teamup!!! I’m so excited to see where the rest goes it’s so incredible!

Un Pietenza Per Due, Blackout, Machiavellian Breach, all by courtanie! I know how much I rec a lot from the same authors but mannnnnn these three in particular are some of her ongoing ones that I’m OBSESSED WITH bruhhhhh

That’s what I got right now! Let me know if any of these tickle your fancy and do not be surprised if you see insane pce comments lmfao

[sparatus]

Truth or Dare Asks

🌵🔪🥐🧩

writer truth or dare

thanks daisy!!

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

we're not gonna talk about my own playlists far far too nonsensical by far. instead have a couple @korblez playlists he made for me, this one for desolas and also this one for quentius/nautilea

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

fbi jim probably thinks i'm a cannibal the amount i research how to eat different body parts and their nutritional contents (it's for turians i swear i firmly believe in letting the scary carnivore aliens be scary carnivores)

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

behold. the sacred texts.

this shit did numbers back in 2009 warrior cats fandom. i still think it's funny.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

ehhh i mean i'm already fussy enough abt fic that i generally won't read unless it's already been vetted by my friends or if my friends themselves wrote it? but. i think dialogue is probably the most instant for me, if they don't sound like themselves i can't stick around. i don't just mean any pronouns cartman style "he would not fucking say that" i mean like i once found a kal/tali fic that sounded great until the characters opened their mouths and both of them were talking like renaissance faire larpers and i bounced instantly. it's about diction, it's about if you can read it in the character's voice, it's about does this sound like how real people talk,

[memberment]

Good evening y'all

Just got home from a side quest and I have work tomorrow meaning probably little to no updates tonight.

Probably.

BUT two dandelion chapters in one day was crazy nostalgic meaning I may dabble in morning glory for a little tn

(3:19) guys I was afraid the Happy Birthday Cartman chapter wouldn't even grace 3k. It's 5.1 and it is honestly the most fun, ridiculous thing ever. LIKE IT'S SO WHOLESOME AND NONSENSICAL. Also I just convinced myself to rewatch Lost because of the fucking dialogue. LMFAOOOOOO.

I love it. I love this. Anyways, Morning's at 77.7k now. Might try for another chapter tn.

[victimized-martyr]

hi❤ i love your blog and your tags 🥺❤ could you share a list of your favorite kyman fanfics plz

WAAAA thank you!!! 😭✨

The Stag Prince is a fandom classic. It’s south park’s stick of truth meets swan princess. I’m usually adverse to aus, but this was so true to the source material in terms of dialogue and tone that I couldn’t help but fall in love. It’s incredibly funny, all the characters get their moment to shine, it’s a really well crafted story overall. 

Put The Fire Out on Us is another fandom classic, still being written! who knew the push Kyle and Cartman needed was them getting stranded in the woods together, eh?? 

Slam Dunk is kyman being insufferable boyfriends. Kenny and Stan are there (silently fighting for their lives). 

I. LOVE Hands . Tt’s rare that I find a canon aged kyman fic that manages to capture the complexities of their dynamic. As friends, as rivals, as…. “something”. 

Leonard Cohen, Bruh : Fixit fics for Post Covid are in criminally short supply. Rainbow_convection fuckin delivers!

Hypothermia Love fics where Cartman’s obsession over their rivalry shines. A good demonstration of what ppl mean when they say the difference between love and hate is a fine line.

get up, get up, (wake up, wake up) I adore numbknees’ writing, and it’s an absolute honor this was inspired by my silly kyman rants about Cartman’s sa trauma that affects how he canonically views sex and love. I assure you, I’ve read it a normal amount. 

Creep is not an absolute fav, but I really like stan’s characterization in this fic, especially when the author goes into detail about how he processes his thoughts and his aversion to change. (I know, weird thing to love in a kyman centric fic). I also love the exchange between kyman halfway thru the story. 

Know Your Enemy : Be not afraid of the tags! Remember that South Park itself has done far more crude, and inappropriate things. It’s incredibly vulgar, with so much heart. Just like South Park itself. What I love most about the fic is how elsen is able to put Cartman’s delusions and twisted logic into words, and for Kyle, his rigidity and tendency to justify every single thing he does into words. Both are unreliable narrators, but the reader is able to see through their bullshit all the same. What a gift of a fic. I can’t wait to see where it goes. 

Kyle is a B : The world doesn’t have enough Married Kyman Shenanigans! And what a shame. This fic also stays true to  the craziness of the show (the fact the the underpants gnomes are referenced, just 🤌🏼 that’s an instant win in my book) You can definitely tell they’ve been married for over 10 years in this fic. so so good.

The Rules focuses more on their mutual obsession, the hopelessly-intertwined-for-better-or-worse aspects of their dynamic. 

Green Eyed is playful jab at the skinny cartman trope, and how Kyle would react to a skinny cartman. 

Vice Versa approaches the switched bodies trope earnestly and so beautifully and gets kyman to understand each other better and also reflect on themselves. Delicious character deep dive. Also, it’s damn hilarious. 

Bella Note Kyman, from Stan’s perspective!!! 

Jew Magic Saves the Day Takes place right after the scene in s7 where Cartman wakes up next to a naked Ben Affleck. Can you tell I love fics where Kyle makes Cartman feel safe ghfjkdh 

Seriously : Protective boyfriend Kyle my beloved.  

Ashtray : I am absolutely WEAK for the religious themes in Kyman works. The paragraph detailing Cartman’s revelation is something that sticks with me to this day. I get chills.

How To Live a Lie is a really well crafted fixit for the mess that was season 20. No heiman necessary. Honestly after reading this I was pretty upset that the show never went down this route because it even addressed Kyle’ arc abt giving up gay speeches? Like im still upset the show hasn’t fixed that yet. Damn I love this fic. 

[dannystheone]

hi!! omg i’m absolutely in love with ur south park fics <33 they’re so cute and brought me so much joy 😭 i absolutely love ur one with the 4 boys, i had the biggest smile on my face while reading it 💗 your interactions for them are adorable and completely spot on, it felt like it was a real scene from the show! i love the way you write kenny’s dialogue btw, being muffled but still understandable, it’s perfect <3 and kyle being the most ticklish is so real.

do you have any headcannons for the main kids?? mine are that kyle is afraid to raise his hand all the way in class bc there was a period where everytime he did stan would just wiggle his fingers into kyle’s armpit

and also kenny has to sew patches over any holes he gets in his parka bc the boys would always shove their fingers through the holes and tickle him lol

hope ur having a great day!! sorry if this was too long lol the sp hyperfix is so strong 😭 looking forward to all ur future posts!! 💗💗

Dude that is so me this fixation is HYPER

And your hc's are so cute! I love all the boys I think they're so cute. And thank you for the compliments! I loved writing Kenny's dialogue he's so adorable :(

But yes main four hc's absolutely!

Stan:

-If it isn't obvious by now I hc that Stan snorts after laughing for a bit too long and everyone LOVES it cause it's such a stupid sound

-But he absolutely hates it even though he can't control it

-Stan needs to be tickled in a main tickle spot to unlock the rest of his body's ticklishness, or else it just looks like he isn't ticklish at all

-He's not much of a fighter, even though he wants to be. His body freezes in place like a fight or flight response

-His laughter is high-pitched (of course, he's a kid) but once he hits puberty it's more melodic? Unless you hit a bad spot then it turns to chaos

-Once he grows into his body and he's more confident in himself, he doesn't mind his waist getting tickled, but his biggest tickle spot is from his knees to his top thighs

-As a ler, he's the second biggest ler in the group.

-With Shelley as his sibling he knows his way around a tickle fight and has no problem saying the word

-Usually tickles to get what he wants (as a kid and a teenager)

Kyle:

-Most ticklish one in the group and he HATES it

-Gets abused by Cartman and Stan, occasionally Kenny

-When Cartman found out Kyle was ticklish, Kyle had bruises on his sides by the end of the week

-Doesn't go down without a fight, though

-Very analytical ler, uses different techniques and experiments in different spots and catalogs tickle spots on his friends

-Not an instigator, but if someone tickles him enough he will definitely fight back

-When he grows up his laughter turns musical, which reinforces the fact that he was born to lee lol

-Him and Ike get into tickle fights all the time

-His biggest tickle spot is his ears, which is why he wears the biggest hat out of all of the guys

-His curly hair brushes against his ears all day and it's hard to concentrate

-He has to force himself to say the T word but with enough practice, it looks like he can say it effortlessly

Kenny:

-Kenny gets tickled the least in the group even though he doesn't mind it!

-His big jacket gets in the way, while the other guys have simple hoodies that have easier access

-Gets sad when Stan and Kyle get in a tickle fight and secretly wishes they drag him into it

-He LOVES to fight back though it's exciting

-When he does get attention and he gets tickled, the guys wonder why they don't tickle Kenny more often, his laugh is so cute lol

-He definitely has died laughing while getting tickled too long by his siblings

-He gets into tickle fights with them too often

-When he gets older, his laughter becomes deeper and richer

-He grows out of tickling when he grows up, but he's still plenty sensitive

-He doesn't have one tickle spot that's worse than the other, he's just moderately ticklish everywhere

Cartman:

-Biggest ler in the group by far

-He definitely had a tickling phase after he saw how effective it was against his friends

-Stan and Kyle pretty much had their arms glued to their sides anytime they were around Cartman

-Cartman knew they were scared of him tickling them and he LOVED it

-They thought to tickle him back once, but he didn't give them the reaction they wanted, so he got to torment them all he wanted

-Definitely has tickled everyone in the group to tears at one point, including Kyle

-Has been called a 'tickle-sadist' at school but that only fueled his fire

-Only his mom knows his tickle spots (and his wife when he grows up)

-His ears and his feet, which no one would ever go for since they're not the most accessible spots

-Someone save the boys LMAO

I hope you enjoy these! If it's requested I can include Butters and the Craig gang as well :))

[noirvette]

kyle! + robot! reader who's like jenny [my life as a teenage robot]!!

woahhh this concept is so cool, love this request. also my life as a teenage robot was one of my fav shows growing up sad nickelodeon kinda fell off now.

also the more i write for kyle the more i fall in love with him like 😭 im not complaining tho

cws: none! fluff References to season 19 of south park Aged up characters!

Was skeptical on becoming friends/near you at first I can't lie.

After the whole thing with Leslie when he was younger, he's probably pretty skeptical about robots/non human yet humanoid beings in general

However he thinks you're cool, I mean you have no malicious intent and you're well, a robot, so he's gonna stand afar for a while and just keep his distance.

It isn't until he sees you actively protecting/defending someone that he realizes..damn you're a good person.. robot?.

At this point he'll actively seek you out now, forgo his past skepticism he wants to get to you.

Call it the geeky nerd superhero fan in him, but to actually save and protect people while being a humanoid robot is like.. freaky cool to him.

Thinks its cute how you're trying to fit in with trying to be a "human" teenager as a robot

Considering how kind and sweet (and somewhat naive) you are, Cartman always tries to get you to join in on his schemes (some people never change), however Kyle always prevents you from going along with it.

He finds himself falling in love with you (and cursing himself a bit because "God damn it Kyle you did it again, you fell in love with another robot") because of these traits (you protecting people, being kind, fun, etc)

This won't stop him from following his feelings though, at most he might just find it awkward on how to confess to you, but if you confess first then he's all for it. (Might save him from a heart attack of trying to figure out how to ask you out).

When you two actually start dating, Cartman will relentlessly make fun of you both, it's just how he is unfortunately.

Kyle kicks his ass though. He can handle Cartman making fun of him, but making fun of you is a line he wouldn't ever let anyone cross.

Stan's chill with it, yk that tiktok audio thats just "woh hoh.. rock on freaky bro" yeah that sums up Stan to you guys.

Most of South Park is accepting of you being a robot anyways, to them it's like another day. They'd all met Leslie before (and some crazier things too), so comments on making fun of you is pretty rare for you to experience.

Instead you get a lot of people trying to use you for whatever they need; and Kyle often has to remind you to just sit down and take a break once in a while, that South Park won't explode if you take... a.. breather..?

You do help protect their town of course (For shits and giggles I always like to imagine the superheros are still going strong), Mysterion is forever grateful to you.

Speaking of superheros, you and Kyle are a super hero duo. Sure you may do most of the work, but he's there to hype you up!!

Like the stendy or creek dialogue in TFBW, he's cheering you on as you fight

"Woah! Good hit babe!"

"Kick their ass baby!"

Among other things

[shhh-secret-time]

Lemme get uuuuuh 🔍 with a side of 🖊

(New anon btw. Love your stuff! Can't wait to see more!) - 🍄

Welcome mushroom anon! Thank you for your kind words!

🔍: Character you like writing for the most?

For South Park? Stan! There's so much potential in that boy! He's easy to write for! Getting into shenanigans with his friends and being down bad for every person who's nice to him

Stan 🤝 Kenny -> people being nice to them so they fall in love.

Second place goes to Clyde. That's a recent development, I giggle everytime I write dialogue for that loser.

🖊: Character you don't like writing for?

Oooooh I've talked about this before, but Cartman. I long to steal the writing talent of people on this site. Those who understand his character are powerful and I admire them.

But if we're talking about characters I write for? Then it's Kyle. It's not that I don't like his character (those of you who are regulars on this blog know I love him.) I'm just brain dead and I have a hard time figuring out what to do with him.