#I love me some good plot but damn I can never focus enough for it

[vyla-and-the-pods]

PEOPLE WHO ONLY HALF PAY ATTE TION TO PODCASTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DO OTHER THINGS WHILE YOU DO THEM SO YOU GET THE MAIN PLOT BUT THE LITTLE DETAILS ARE FUZZY GANG RIIIIISE!!!

[fake-bleach]

feels so right | dbf!joel miller x reader

summary: Your college boyfriend's a dick, and it doesn't help that he dragged you along with him to a bar just to treat you like shit. You plan on catching a ride home after an incident between you two, but turns out that your dad's best friend's there too, and he saw everything. He ends up offering you a ride instead, but there's no promises that you make it back home for the night.

word count: 9.9k (yeah i went overboard oops..)

warnings/disclaimers: (18+ only!) fem!afab!reader (no use of y/n), this might be the filthiest smut i've ever written, porn w/ plot, reader has a horrible/mean bf, prolly unrealistic car sex but idc, joel can carry reader, thigh riding, praise/degrading, kinda mean joel, oral (m receiving), deepthroating/facefucking, use of pet names (honey, sweetheart, baby, girl, etc), piv, unprotected rough sex, bit of a size kink, joel's hugeee, spanking, bit of choking, creampie/coming inside, literally all that good filthy shit lolll, lil cheesy ass ending

btw this can be for both game/hbo!joel cus i had them both in mind while writing <3

ao3 link | masterlist

Music fills your ears as you take a sip of your drink, sitting on an uncomfortable stool by the bar you were at.

Your boyfriend dragged you here with him, but not out of the kindness of his heart, no. You had made plans with him to spend some time together; to stay in and watch a movie, in hopes that it'd somehow heal your declining relationship, and he thankfully agreed.

That was weeks ago now, and here you were; stuck at a bar with the rest of his friends all because he forgot about his plans with you and insisted that he'd spend the night with the ones he sees more often than you.

It was either you or them, and in his eyes, it was always them.

"Fuck, babe! If you wanna be with me so fucking bad, just come with me— since you won't get off my fucking ass if you don't. Jesus Christ, I mean, you'd think I'd be able to spend one fucking night with my friends.. So fucking clingy."

His words rung in your ears as your eyes got lost in the remaining alcohol in the glass in your hand, slowly swirling it around with dread filling your face and entire being. You knew your boyfriend wasn't the best guy in the world, but you loved him at one point, and your heart clung onto the hope that he would start to actually love you back.

You should've known that your hopes would never be enough.

Snapping yourself out of it, you lift your head up to turn and look at him, his fourth glass of whiskey nearly empty, not giving a single fuck about you. No, his focus was always on his friends.. always on the shit that he prioritized over you.

You could only take so much.

Lifting yourself up from the stool, your feet reach the ground as you make your way over to him, tapping his shoulder to get his attention. Nothing. Again, you tap him even harder, and he finally notices you for the first time in the 30 minutes you've been there.

"What the fuck? What do you want now?" He asks you, scoffing as he whips his head to turn to you.

You gasp at him, mouth open as you stare at him in disbelief. "What the fuck do I want? I want you to fucking pay attention to me, you asshole! Have you even thought about me the entire time we've been here at all?!" You exclaim harshly, your heart racing as your anger rises.

He just shakes his head at you, the annoyance in his face incredibly evident as his friends laugh faintly at the scene in front of them. He doesn't even attempt to apologize to you, the tone in his voice cruel as he scolds you, "I never even fucking wanted you here in the first place, and you didn't get the damn hint. Not my fucking fault, babe."

He turns his body to look back at his friends, completely avoiding you and the situation, and clearly not giving a shit to fix it. Your anger gets the best of you, reaching for his shoulder to harshly pull it back so he could just look at you, but he grabs your wrist, squeezing it tightly as he drags your body to him.

Your face is just inches away from his now, gasps coming out of your mouth as his grip tightens. "Don't you ever fucking touch me like that again.. Get the fuck out of here, bitch." He berates you, his breath oozing of booze as he shoves your wrist to push you away from him.

Your eyes fill with tears as you back away from him, your hand reaching to your wrist to soothe it, rubbing it softly. You glance around the room, embarrassed at what had just occurred. Eyes from all around the bar are on the two of you now, but there's a pair that immediately catch your eye.

Joel.

Your dad's best friend, and the man who practically watched you grow up right in front of his eyes.

His gaze is hard on you, face filled with growing anger as he watches what your dickhead of a boyfriend just did to you. Your face grows cold as you stare at him, eyes flickering from his face to the floor as you grip your bag, not wanting to have him confront you. You were embarrassed enough.

You glance back at your boyfriend one last time, a slight frown fixed on your lips as you rush out the door, gasping for air while your teary eyes pace around your surroundings. Frantically pulling your phone out of your bag, you open the Uber app, wanting to get a ride home and out of here as soon as you could.

"Honey? You alright?"

Your body jumps slightly as you turn your head to stare at the source of the voice, eyes fixed to recognize Joel, his face filled with concern and his gaze now soft on you. You swallow as you breathe out, wiping the tears that were just about to fall from your eyes.

Gaining the courage to speak, you choke out faintly, not wanting to reveal your emotions to him. "J-Joel, I— Yeah, I'm okay.. it's okay. Sorry you had to see that, I.. didn't know you came here.."

You turn your head to stare back down at your phone, weak fingers trying their best to tap on the buttons to get you a driver here as soon as possible.

Joel's hand just reaches over the ones gripping onto your phone, slowly pushing them down and away from your focus to make you look up at him. His eyes are gentle and warm, boring into yours.

"Don't do that, sweetheart.. I've known y'long enough to know that it isn't," His soft words soothe you, looking down at your somber face, "C'mon.. Why don't y'let me take you home? Let's get you outta here.." He offers, moving his hand behind the small of your back to guide you wherever his truck was parked.

You sniffle and nod as you give into his generosity, knowing that you just wanted and needed to be cared for right now, whether or not it was just by Joel's benevolence.

His stare is fixed on you as the two of you make your way to his truck, feeling a sense of responsibility and urge to protect you. You were the loveliest girl he's ever known in his entire life, and it appalled him at how you could be with an asshole like that.

Walking up to the passenger side with you right behind him, he opens the door up for you, gesturing you to get in. "C'mon, honey.. There y'go.." He whispers out, gently shutting it behind you once you're securely inside.

Joel gets in the driver's seat now, putting his seatbelt on after you as he turns the engine on, putting the car in reverse to get out of there, knowing that you probably wanted to leave the area as fast as possible.

Silence fills the space between you as the only sound that can be heard are the tires on the road, making you gulp softly. You then glance at him, clearing your throat and licking your drying lips, "I.. I promise, he's not always like that, Joel.. He's a nice man.. I—"

Your voice fails you as you finish, the uncertainty in your tone not even convincing yourself. You're lying straight through your teeth, and Joel knows it too.

He lets out a heavy scoff, shaking his head as his eyes focus on the road in front of him. Glancing at you, he chuckles, "Right.. A 'nice man', huh?" He starts, making you turn away from him to look down at your lap, fidgeting with your fingers, "A 'nice man' wouldn't do that to you, honey.. Seems to me you've never felt how a real man should treat ya."

Your head turns to look at him quickly, scoffing back at him as you look at him, shocked. You don't even know why you're bothering to defend your shitty boyfriend, but for some reason, you wanted to prove to Joel that you were mature enough to make the right decisions.. to be with the right man.

"You don't even know him, Joel.. I.. I was being clingy, alright? He wanted to hang out with his friends instead of me tonight and I insisted I went too! You.. you'd act like that too if you were ever with me.." You tell him, your voice growing small towards the last part of your little speech, self-deprecation filling your mind along with your boyfriend's words.

It doesn't seem to make Joel any happier, making him suddenly pull over to the side of the road, putting the car in park. He huffs, removing his seatbelt as you follow his movements. Pausing to take a moment to try and compose himself, he finally looks at you, mouth open in disbelief. "You think I'd act like that if I were in his position? Think I'd fuckin' push you away like that? No, honey, god, no— you've got it all wrong."

You swallow as you stare at him, eyes confused and trying to understand what he was implying. He turns away from you for a moment, licking his lips as he breathes in sharply. "No fuckin' man right in the head would ever push you away like that, sweetheart.. No, he's a fuckin' boy who won't even cherish such a.. pretty girl like you."

Joel shakes his head, taking that pause between his words to look at you up and down, exhaling hard as he puts his fist to his face, his arm resting on the side of his window. He just stares back out through the windshield, your body stuck in place, breath hitching as you process it all.

"The hell would your dad think.. f'he ever saw that, huh? Boy's damn lucky I didn't do shit to him.. Lucky I didn't fuck m'up." He exclaims, scoffing softly as he looks at you for a moment.

Your chest rises as you breathe in softly, mind racing to figure out what to say. Your stomach is filled with faint butterflies from Joel's words, yet you knew that he'd never possibly think of you that way. He was just trying to comfort you.. right?

Your eyes are set on your lap, pausing before stuttering out, "Look, Joel.. I get it, you've known me my whole life, but I know what I'm doing. I'm not some dumb little girl anymore.." You finish, lifting your head to look at him, hoping that he'd finally believe you.

Joel's always treated you the same way he has when you were a kid, and it always frustrated the hell out of you. It's no doubt that Joel was an attractive man; you realized that when you were in high school, especially when your friends would come to your house to gawk at him at parties and family gatherings. You weren't blind, but you knew your attraction for him would get you nowhere.. not when he saw you the same way all these years.

At least, to you.

His head finally turns to you, eyes set on yours now, "You're a big girl now, huh.. s'that right? Y'gonna tell me that when you're with an asshole like that?" He chuckles out, cocking his head as he shakes it, "Thought you were better than that, baby.. That you'd actually give yourself to someone who deserves you.."

"Guess you're still that dumb little girl."

His words sting, making your eyes harden with your lips pressed tightly together. You scoff at him, tone harsh and direct, "The fuck do you want from me, Joel? What, y'want me to give myself to a real man like you?" spewing out the words without even giving it a second thought.

He immediately spits out what he's been thinking the entire time, nodding his head almost condescendingly as he inches his face closer to yours, "Yeah, that's what I fuckin' want. Maybe it'll knock some damn sense into that dumb head of yours, huh?”

You grit your teeth, heart thumping out of your chest as you rasp out, "You wouldn't even have the fucking guts, old man," but you knew damn well that you craved it. Craved him and the endless possibilities of what he could do to you. Breathing heavily, you can't deny the slick growing against your folds and through your panties.

Joel just grins at you, his gaze never leaving yours, "S'that right, honey? M' just some.. old man to you?" He snickers, his tongue poking out of his cheek for a moment, "Y'think I never noticed you all these years? Never heard you and your lil' friends talkin' about me?"

You gulp as your lick your drying lips, face softening while your heart races. Shaking your head to deny his accusations, your body freezes at the realization that he knows.

"Yeah.. you're not so slick, baby. Could see you watchin' me all these damn years.. Tellin' everyone how much you want me.. Y'can deny it all you want, sweetheart, but I see right through you. Right through this act."

He smirks as your eyes dart to the floor to avoid his stare, head tilting down as you fidget with your hands. Your body grows cold as you shake your head softly, denying the fact of the matter.

Joel's hand reaches up towards your face, his thumb and index finger lifting your head to look up at him, gripping onto your chin. "Ain't that right?" He chuckles out, making you turn your head to look away from him again nervously, but he doesn't let that slide.

He tuts his tongue, shaking his head as his grasp on your chin tightens just enough to have a firm grip on you, forcing you to look right at him. "No, no, don't do that, honey.. Look at me." He demands, your eyes finally staring into his own. You clear your throat, body shaking slightly as your adamant arousal for him increases.

You begin to stutter out, gulping, "J-Joel..", but he just cuts you off, implicit and direct with his intentions.

"Y’gonna let me fuck some sense into you, baby? That what you want? You’re about a second away from begging me for it, I fuckin’ see it. Can practically smell it off you, too." Joel spits out, his tone cocky and hitting directly to your core as he glances down at your thighs clenching together, “N’ look at you here..”

He chuckles out, removing his fingers from your chin to glide them down to your trembling thighs, his fingers almost pressing into the crevice that your thighs were pressed so tightly together to create. He wets his lips as his dark gaze glances back up to your face, whispering out desperately, "Tell me you want this, honey.. Tell me n' I'll make you forget all about your lil' boyfriend."

You breathe out through your mouth heavily, lips falling a bit open as your mind races. You've thought about this moment for so long now, and you could finally have it..

Fuck it.

Wetting your lips, you quickly put them on Joel's, desperation seething out of you as your eyes shut tightly. You moan into the kiss, Joel groaning into it too as he reaches his hands for your waist, gripping onto it tightly. He almost lifts you up, gesturing for you to get on top of his lap, needing to be close to you. You just follow his request, lifting yourself up from the passenger seat to fall into his lap and straddle his waist, immediately whimpering at the feeling of his bulging crotch pressing into your panties.

You had hoped that wearing a dress tonight would be a good choice, and you were right.

Breaking away from the kiss, the two of you gasp for air, breathing in heavily as you stare at Joel with delirious eyes, nearly high off the taste of him. He just smirks at you, reaching for your cheek to hold onto it, caressing it softly. "Bout' fuckin' time, baby.. Thought you'd never get the hint." He pants out, bringing your face close to press a dirty kiss on your lips, his tongue pushing against yours.

Your impatience gets the best of you, gripping his broad shoulders with your hands as you gain enough leverage to grind your core against his crotch, moaning loudly at the friction. You can already feel how huge he is, your cunt throbbing at the thought of it stretching you out.

His eager hands move down to grip your ass, moving you exactly how he wants, pressing you down onto him even harder. His lips break away from yours, groaning out, "Fuck, baby.. Fuckin' sexy, look at you.." He says, his gaze on your desperate face and glancing down at your hips and crotch grinding against him, "Shit.. That's it.. Pretty girl like you knows how to move."

You whimper at his words, growing wetter at the rough control he has on your body, and you love it. You can't help but let out little gasps, the desire you have for him increasing every time your bodies press together, making you crave his cock even more with each second that passes.

"F-Fuck.. need you, Joel, please.." You whine out, making his eyes flash up at yours as he chuckles, gripping onto your ass even tighter. He just shakes his head, saying, "No, baby.. Y'gonna take what you need from me right here. Wanna s'ya drench my thigh.."

"You do that f'me.. come all pretty & put on a lil' show for me? Maybe I'll give ya what y'want.." Joel mutters out to you, his lips just inches away from yours as he stares into your eyes, filled with lust and an intense ache for you. He wants to savor your body as long as he possibly can.

You nod your head quickly, biting your lower lip gently as you move your legs wrapped around him to sit in between one of his large thighs, moaning out once the rough fabric of his jeans hits your throbbing cunt.

You're soaked through your panties at this point, and you don't waste a second chasing your release. Your hips slowly start to move back and forth, grinding against his thigh as you whine. Licking your lips, you pant out, stuttering out his name repeatedly as your body does all the work for you. You're not even thinking at this point; your mind's completely gone blank and focused on one thing.

"That's it, honey.. Keep goin'.. Pretty lil' thing's so needy." Joel lets out, a low groan coming out as he watches your desperate face, staring right back at him with heavy eyes. It makes his cock grow even harder, knowing that he's finally got you like this.

His hands move to grip your hips, guiding them faster as they move to your ass, squeezing it harshly as a low chuckle escapes his throat. You gasp out at the touch, encouraging you to grind down on him even faster, stimulating your swollen clit as you cry out at the feeling.

Heat flows down to your cunt and lower stomach as your climax slowly begins to build up inside of you, and it's almost like Joel can feel it. Feeling how close you are, with your soaked pussy and slick drenching his jeans and thigh.

Just like he wanted.

One of his hands lifts up to smack your ass, an unrelenting force making you whine out at the sudden strike. It sends butterflies to your stomach and a sharp jolt to your core, forcing a moan out of you and a whine of his name on your tongue.

"Sorry, baby.. Y'got such a nice ass, been waitin' so long to do that.." Joel admits, letting out a faint laugh at your response to him. He cocks his head to the side and looks up at you, mouth slightly gaped open as his tongue plays with his cheek, "Ever knew how fuckin' hard you made me? Skimpin' around with your lil' dresses and shorts, passin' me like you knew what you were doin'. Y'never noticed how I'd.. turn my fuckin' head everytime you walked past me, baby.. Glancin' back at it so I could fuck my fist to the thought of you every night.."

"Fuck, fantasized about this fuckin' moment for so long now.."

Another blow of his large hand to your ass hits you unexpectedly, making you shake above him, your hips never slowing. You bite your lip as you look down at him, hands gripping his body to keep your strength. Butterflies fill your stomach as you hear his confession, making you groan.

Your breaths speed up as your climax increases, jaw falling open as you reply to him, "Did.. Did that on purpose, Joel.. Wanted you to look at me, to want me.. Didn't think it worked, fuck— touched myself all the time cus' of you.."

Your confession goes straight to Joel's cock, making him groan out at your dirty words, his fingers ingraining themselves into your ass as he moves your hips how he wants, wanting to push you to the edge already.

"Oh, it worked, honey.. Fuckin' gorgeous girl like you, what'd make y'think it didn't? I'd be a damn fool.." He grunts out, tone low right in your ear as you whimper, your clit growing incredibly sensitive as you grow even closer. "Y'gonna come for me, baby? Feel how fuckin' soaked you are f'me.. You're shaking.. Know y'can do it, come for me, sweet girl.. S'what you wanted this whole time, huh?" Joel encourages you, his hands moving from on top of your dress to underneath it, squeezing your bare ass with just your tiny panties barely covering yourself.

The direct contact of his rough hands on your flesh has you gasping out, the sudden coolness of your skin from his hot hands creating the perfect mix. You just nod your head eagerly as you stare into Joel's eyes, biting your bottom lip the more your aching cunt grinds on him. You stammer out, eyes hazy, "Mhm, f-fuck, Joel.. M'gonna come, p-please.."

Joel just smirks as he stares at your worn out face, nodding his head to encourage you. Sliding his hands down closer to your clothed pussy, his fingertips glide across your lips, your slick coating through your panties and onto his fingers. The feeling of it makes you hiss out as Joel whispers out to you, "Gonna give you what you need, baby.. C'mon now, let me see you.. Come for me now, be a good girl.."

Those words were the final push that you needed, making your cunt clench tightly around nothing, wishing that it was Joel's cock instead. You shut your eyes as you cry out, hands gripping onto Joel's body even tighter as he coos, whispering filthy, encouraging words into your ear while his hands help you chase your release. His hands on your ass begin to slow down, finally letting the weight of your hips rest on his thigh as your climax ends, the fast thumping in your chest slowing.

Breathing heavily, you let out small pants, chest rising up and down as you open your eyes to look at Joel. You give him a tired smile, giggling softly at the state you were in, and Joel grins back up at you, moving his hands up to hold onto your face. He presses a firm kiss on your lips, relishing the taste of you on his tongue. Breaking away from your lips, his thumbs caress your cheeks, looking into your eyes, "Did so good, honey.. Y'wanna return the favor? Prove to me that you deserve more?"

Your eyes widen at his words, nodding your head desperately as you lick your lips, hoping that he's implying what you thought he was. To be sure, you eagerly ask him, "O-Of course, Joel.. What d'you want me to do? Anything you want.."

Joel's lips curl up, grinning at the tone in your voice as he drags one of his hands down to yours to grab it. Guiding your hand, your palm reaches to his hard cock all pent up against his tight jeans, making you gasp out as a deep groan escapes his throat.

"Feel that, baby? Need your lips wrapped around me.. Y'gonna do that for me?" Joel mutters out to you, his gaze dark and set on you completely. Your breath hitches in your throat at his request, and the thought of the mere act makes your mouth water, making you nod your head quickly. "Yeah, fuck, I wanna do that for you.. Been wanting it for so long, Joel.." You admit to him, this time using your hand to squeeze his bulge, feeling how much he really needed you.

He lets out a faint moan, nodding his head back at you as he smirks at your hand squeezing him so good. He questions you, "Wanted what for so long, huh? Wanna hear it, honey."

Your cheeks grow flushed at his words, gulping slightly and hesitating to respond as you look away from him, which just makes him urge you on even more. "C'mon now, you already came all over my fuckin' thigh, I know y'not gettin' all shy on me now, sweetheart.." He teases you, chuckling as he presses his hand to your face, gently squeezing it, but you know his intentions are clear. He has so much power over you; more than you even thought.

His big hands grip onto your face, forcing you to turn to look at him. It's filthy, and you can't help but love it. He nods at you, a final push, and you finally stammer out at him, throat dry, "Wanted your.. cock, Joel.. W-Wanted to suck your cock for so long— fuck, please, Joel.."

He just lets out a faint laugh and nods his head, releasing your face from his hands and patting your cheek as if he was proud of you. "That's it, honey, wasn't so hard now, was it?" He teases you, licking his lips as his eyes flicker to your own, imagining them around him already. "Let's go to the back, baby.. S'gonna be more comfortable that way."

You nod at him as his strong hold is back on you, lifting your hips gently to guide you towards the back. Once the two of you are back there, Joel's legs are laid out on the entirety of the backseat, his back leaning against the door while you're set in between him; the perfect position and view for him to watch you put on a show.

Joel seems to be impatient waiting for you to make your move, as he cocks his head to the side and stares at you. He questions, "What y'waiting for, baby? You're a big girl, aren't you? Don't need me to tell you what to do now, do I?"

You lick your lips nervously as you stare at him, giving him a small, anxious smile. It's not because you've never sucked cock before, but this was Joel, and you wanted it to be good for him. More than you've ever been with anyone else before, and especially your 'boyfriend'.

"N-No, Joel, I got it.." You respond to him, leaning your body closer as your hands reach for the zipper of his jeans. Unbuttoning them, you pull them down a bit with the help of Joel's hips lifting, and your eyes immediately latch onto his huge cock, bulging against his boxers.

You sigh out as your hands glide from his large thighs to his underwear, reaching underneath the hem of the fabric to grasp onto his cock, pulling it out. The mere sight of it makes your jaw fall open slightly, gasping and mouth watering at how thick he was. Fuck, he's the biggest you've ever seen. It made you a bit nervous, but so fucking aroused, as you feel the slick growing between your folds because of it.

Your reaction makes Joel chuckle, leaning his head a bit forward to get a better look at the expression on your face. He lifts his hand to press his fingers against your cheek, holding onto your jaw and caressing your cheek with his thumb. It makes you look back up at him as he questions you, "Too big for you, honey? You ever even sucked cock before?"

You gulp as you purse your lips, nodding your head slightly, "I.. Yeah, I have, but fuck— never this big, Joel.." You respond to him truthfully, your stomach filling up with butterflies of a mixture of nerves and arousal.

He grins at you, laughing a bit cockily, "Don't worry, baby.. Gonna take me real good, right? Make me proud?" He challenges you, the fingers placed on your cheek now sliding down towards your lips, gently pressing the tips of them right at the entrance of your mouth. "Let's start off with these, huh? Wanna see if y'can take em' like you're gonna take me.."

You whimper at his words that hit you right to your core, making you clench around nothing. You couldn't wait for him to fuck you already. You just nod your head slowly, eyes never leaving his as you gently open your mouth for him. Joel takes this as an invitation to continue, slowly moving his index and middle fingers in your mouth.

"Suck on em', baby.. Lemme see what y'can do.." Joel tells you, his head lifting up a bit as his dark gaze looks down at your lips. You just obey him, closing your lips around his fat fingers as he inches them further and further in your mouth towards your throat. Your tongue falls flat underneath his fingers, sucking on them gently as you lift your hands to hold onto his wrist.

Joel starts to grin at you, humming out in satisfaction as he encourages you, "There we go, pretty fuckin' lips.. Show me how you'd suck my cock, c'mon now.."

You moan around his fingers, both of your hands gripping onto his wrist as you use it to pull them out of your mouth, guiding them back in deep as if they really were his cock. You shut your eyes at the feeling of it, reaching further down your throat as you moan again. The taste of him is intoxicating.

Your eyes open back up to stare at him intently, and Joel gives you a light smile, making you feel that sense of pride that you've always craved from him. "Good fuckin' girl.. Shit, lookin' so good like this, baby.." He mutters out lowly, a faint groan coming out.

Before you can continue, he pulls his fingers out of your mouth, immediately making you feel empty. You whine out softly at your disappointment which makes him chuckle, reassuring you, "C'mon, honey— Think y'ready now. Make it good for me, yeah?"

You nod eagerly, wanting nothing more than to please him as much as you could. You lean a bit back, giving yourself a bit more room to get in the right position as your hands reach for his cock again. Wrapping a hand around him, you notice that he isn't even fully hard yet, and he's already so fucking big. It doesn't ease your nerves in the slightest, but the ache you feel for him in your cunt distracts you from it completely.

Lowering your head and body, your lips inch closer and closer to the fat head of his cock while your hand slowly strokes him up and down, trying to get him fully hard for your mouth to take him. You look up at him as your lips wrap around the tip of it, sucking onto it gently as you feel him finally harden in your mouth.

Your tongue does its work, circling around him and licking the tip of it while you suck, your eyes never leaving his as his own flicker all over your face; your eyes, your lips. Joel lets out a low groan, reaching over to your head to hold onto it to have some leverage to encourage you.

You slowly lower your head now, taking his cock deeper into your mouth as you moan around it, sending vibrations through Joel's entire body as he hisses at the feeling. "Fuck, that's it.. Deeper, baby, lemme see how much y'can take.." Joel's words fill your ears as you continue, your mouth barely able to take him all the way to the base.

His cock hits the back of your throat, making you gag at the sudden intrusion. Your eyes water as you blink, still staring back up at him to see that reaction on his face. You notice how it twists in pleasure, his eyebrows furrowing for a moment, and you lift your head back up to gasp for air, immediately lowering your lips back onto him so you don't waste any second that passes.

The noises that Joel makes are filthy, filling your ears and making them burn as your mouth never falters, jaw stretched out as wide as possible for you to take all of him. Joel's grunts become louder, and you take that as sign that you're doing things right, which makes your body fill with pride.

Closing your eyes, you relish the feeling of his heavy cock on your tongue, the fat tip of it letting out small spurts of pre-cum down your throat. The taste of him only makes you push your head down even further, attempting to take him all the way to the base, but he hits the back of your throat, making you gag out at the unexpected impact.

Before you can lift your head up, Joel's grip on your head tightens as he holds you there, his throat letting out low pants as he stares right at your lips connecting to the base of his cock. Groaning out, he laughs faintly, saying, "Take it, honey, doin' so good for me, f-fuck.."

Barely processing it all, he uses his other hand to slap your face almost condescendingly, and it just makes you moan around him, your throat clenching and eyes opening up to look at him. You didn't even know you liked that, but Joel's power over you has you nearly seeing stars.

Joel lets out a chuckle, all mean and teasingly, "Fuck, yeah.. Dirty girl, you like that shit?" He asks you, and you moan around his cock again, nose breathing in heavily for air as your eyes droop down a bit, nearly high off the feeling of him using your throat. Laughing out, a smirk appears on his face as his hand's grip on you pulls you back up for a moment so you can breathe properly.

Without him even having to encourage you, your mouth is back on him once you catch your breath, desperate to please him and taste his cock again. It makes Joel grunt out, snickering out at you, "Fuck, you're worse than I thought, baby.. You act so innocent, but you're takin' cock like s'all you're meant for.."

You hum against him, eyes looking back up as you take him deeper with your tongue flattening underneath his shaft, and it drives Joel crazy. He just hisses out, hand on your head once again, "Shit.. I'm right, ain't I? Pretty throat’s been craving this, huh? Lil’ boyfriend couldn’t satisfy you.. Thas’ okay, m’ right here now, honey..”

His words send a throbbing pang to your cunt, growing wetter at the thought of him and knowing that he's satisfying your needs more than your boyfriend ever could. It makes you realize that Joel was right; that he was the real man that you needed.

Joel's hands start to guide your lips now, moving your head up and down on him as he watches his cock disappear back down your throat over and over again. Your jaw falls slack as you let him use you just how he wants, eyes watering with tears threatening to fall as his thick cock continues to stretch your lips and throat so good.

The look on your face is nearly pornographic, your lips shaped tightly right around the girth of his cock as if it was a hole meant for him to fuck. The sight of you makes Joel's cock twitch, moaning lowly as he pants out, “What would y’family think if they saw you like this, honey? Lookin’ like a fuckin’ whore with my cock down your throat, like the fuckin’ slut you are. That’s just what you are, right, baby? A lil’ whore for me, s’that it? Gonna let me keep you.. fuck you when I want? Know that’s what you want..”

You just nod your head eagerly at him, eyes rolling to the back of your head at the sound of his nasty words, and it feels so fucked up knowing that it's turning you on so much. You've always imagined what it'd be like for Joel to just use you how he wants, imagining how it'd be like, and now it's finally happening.

Joel chuckles out at your response to him, and he grunts out as his climax builds up, unexpectedly pulling your mouth off of him as you gasp out for air. Your face looks confused and disheveled, but Joel assures you, "Don't wanna come just yet, baby, we got time for that later. Wanna be in you now."

Before you can respond to him, Joel leans in towards you, his hands reaching out for your body to move you how he wants. Grasping onto your sides, he lifts you slightly to turn you around, moving you to get on your knees to crawl and face away from him. Your body just follows his hands until he has you where he wants, getting onto your hands and knees, bent over for him to stare out the window.

Your breathing grows heavier, gulping softly as you turn your head to look back at him. Joel doesn't waste a second to immediately cherish the view in front of him, his hands now roaming from your calves right up to your thighs, savoring your skin on his fingertips that are now inching towards your aching core.

Your dress is the perfect length for him to see you completely; not too long and not too short, but it's too much coverage for Joel's liking anyways.

His hands move up towards your ass, instinctively pushing the fabric covering you up and over, resting it on your lower back so his view is right of your clothed cunt. Your wet slick has seeped through the light fabric, making Joel chuckle out as he stares right at it. His eyes make you blush, a bit of embarrassment filling your cheeks evidently as you look away from him for a moment.

He just glances up at you and grins, shaking his head at your reaction, "No need to get shy, baby.. S'hot, y'know that? Knowin' this pretty pussy's all soaked for me? Shit.." Joel lets out, laughing faintly as his stare returns back to your cunt, hands sliding back down to your ass. His thumb runs across your folds pressed so tightly together by your thighs, making you gasp and shiver out at the touch.

He moves his other hand now, index and middle finger sliding just beneath the side of your panties to get a good grip of it, pulling it to the side so he can see your throbbing hole and wet folds. It's a dirty scene right in front of him, but it has his cock twitching at the sight.

"Fuck, look at that.. Need me that bad, baby?" Joel whispers out to you, his eyes flickering up to your desperate face and back down. His stare and words make you whine out, your hole clenching around nothing as you swallow.

You do need him that bad, and you were getting impatient.

The action makes Joel sigh out, his thumb now sliding against your bare cunt and through your lips, gathering up how wet you were. His thumb now finds your entrance, pressing in just the tip of it as his eyes move back up to your face, eager to see your reaction.

You just moan out and clench around it desperately, eyes shutting for a moment as your heart races. "Fuck, Joel, just fuck me already, p-please.. Need it so bad.." You beg him, biting your bottom lip harshly as your wide eyes stare into his own.

He just licks his lips as he hears you, considering it for a moment. "Y'think you can take me like this, honey? Don't need me to do anything else? Might hurt.." He asks you, his concerns still evident despite the position you two were in.

You just nod your head at him quickly, whining out softly, "Yeah, fuck, I can take it, please— just need you, Joel.." Your chest rises as you breathe in heavily, wanting him to fuck you already.

Joel smirks at your pleads, the desperation getting the best of you, and it makes his cock even harder. He just nods up at you and removes his thumb from your cunt, shifting his knees and hips closer to your ass as he grips his cock with his hand.

He glides the tip of it up and down your folds, gathering the slick as much as he could. Pressing it against your entrance, he looks up at your face, his other hand gripping onto your hip as he slowly eases it into you. The stretch of him makes you hiss out, shutting your eyes at the intrusion and how big he is.

You stammer out, "F-Fuck, Joel.." as you pant softly, taking in deep breaths to let your walls relax and adjust to him as much as you could. He just grips onto your hip even tighter, giving you a sense of guidance and reassurance.

Joel's heart races at the feeling of your walls clench around him, feeling how tight you are. Grunting out, he pushes himself even deeper inside of you, still taking his time, "Good girl, baby.. Doin' so good, y'feel so good, shit.." He gasps out, his eyes now fixed onto the sight of his cock entering your stretched out cunt.

"Tight fuckin' pussy.. Haven't had one like this in so long, fuck.."

Your breaths speed up with each inch that fills you up, the girth of him creating a stinging ache between your thighs that were nearly trembling. The grasp your walls has on his cock makes it almost harder for him to move further, so he pauses— taking a second for you to adjust.

"You okay, honey? Doin' so good for me, such a sweet girl.." He murmurs out to you, almost panting out as he hisses out. His hands gently caress your lower back and ass, reassuring you as he bends over a bit to press small kisses on your skin. It makes you shiver, nodding your head in response to him, "M' okay, Joel.. Feels so good, p-please move.."

His heavy eyes look back up at you, acknowledging your request and smiling softly. It sends butterflies through your stomach at the thought of him caring so much about you, making sure that you were comfortable and enjoying yourself just as much as he was.

He presses one last kiss to your lower back, pressing his hands on it as he lifts himself back up. Gripping onto your hips, he nods at you and finally pushes himself all the way inside of your throbbing cunt, his hips now flushed against your own. The sudden movement makes you gasp out, your hands holding your body up attempting to squeeze onto the fabric of the seat.

"J-Joel!" You moan his name, eyes closing harshly at the feeling of the fat tip of his cock pressing so deep inside of you, making your involuntary walls constrict around him. It creates a burn in your lower stomach, your body growing hot at the feeling. It makes Joel grunt out, his neck lifting up for a moment to take a breath as he looks back down at your hips connected to his, hands caressing your skin.

He rocks his hips against yours, moving just slightly to get some friction as he allows you to adjust, groaning, "That's it, there y'go.. Knew you could take it, baby, fuck— Feelin' so good wrapped around me, s'it what you wanted?" He asks you, eyes flickering up at your face. Biting your lip, you nod, stammering out, "Mmphf— Y-You're.. so deep, shit, feels so good.."

He chuckles out, stare fixed on your worn out face as he pulls his hips back a bit, taking his time to thrust back into you as deep as he could. He wanted to prove to himself that what you were saying was true.

"S'that right, sweetheart? So deep? Y'feel me right here?" He asks, moving one of his hands just beneath your body and sliding it to your lower stomach, pressing harshly against it. It makes you gasp, feeling the bulge of his cock imprinting itself. You whine, breathing out, "O-Oh, fuck, Joel.. Yeah, feel you right there.."

He just grins at your response, muttering out, "That's fuckin' right, honey.. n' I'm the only one who's ever been this deep, huh?" He urges you on, head leaning a bit closer to you as his hips press tightly against your pussy.

You cry out, shutting your eyes for a moment as you nod, unable to fully form a coherent sentence for him. He just tuts his tongue, head shaking disapprovingly as he pulls his hips back all of the way, not taking a second to wait to slam himself back into you.

It makes you grunt, eyes shooting open as his words fill your ears, the slight mean tone in his voice making your face burn, "Asked you a question, baby.. So you tell me, your lil' boyfriend ever fuck you this good, honey? Fill this pretty pussy this deep?"

Your mind grows hazy, cheeks flushed as you attempt to spit out what he wants to hear, "N-No, Joel.. I, I-"

"No? No? C'mon, haven't even really fucked you yet n' you're already actin' so dumb.. S'that it, cock just make you all stupid for me?"

Tears fill your eyes as his hips pull and push right back into you again, giving you another thrust of his thick cock as you sob out, "J-Joel, shit, no, it jus'.. feels too good, p-please.." You moan, feeling the tight grip his fingers have on your ass nearly imprinting themselves into your skin.

"C'mon now.. Louder, baby, lemme hear it.. Tell me, wanna hear it loud n' clear.. Answer my question.." He pushes you, tone growing louder and strict. His thrusts begin to create an increasing rhythm that makes your jaw drop open at the feeling, his cock stretching your tight walls out with each push of his hips.

"No, Joel! N-Never.. never fucked me this good, oh fuck, never.. this d-deep.. shit!" You blurt out, mind barely thinking as you spit the words out. Eyes rolling to the back of your head, your brain and body goes numb, shuttering at the feeling of his unrelenting movements as your head hangs low, staring at your hands gripping the seat.

Joel's grunts and moans surround you completely as your ears begin to ring, his faint laugh and sudden smack of his hand on your ass snapping you out of it at the sting, "That's right.. pretty girl knows her place, fuck," He rushes out, suddenly grasping onto your hair to pull your head back, making you cry out, "Knew you'd be so good for me, honey.. Actin' like a fuckin' slut, takin' my cock this good.."

You breath out heavily, panting out as he holds back your head by his rough grip on your hair, pulling you back a bit to turn your head to try and get a look at him. His words make your pussy clench around him even tighter, turned on at his degradation.

You hum softly, whining as you nod your head gently, tears filling your eyes and threatening to fall as his pace grows even faster, now slamming into your cunt over and over again. He chuckles and grins at the slight sight of your eyes filling up, making him pout condescendingly at you.

"What? M' I wrong, honey? Y'gonna tell me you haven't been practically begging me to fuck you all these years? To treat you like this; like the slut you are, huh?" He taunts you, pulling his cock out all the way to rest against your entrance, and slamming it back in as deep as he could, "Know it's all you've wanted.. all you've ever fantasized about.. Y'don't gotta do that anymore, baby.. cus' I'm right here. Gonna treat you like the fuckin' whore you are.. That's what you are to me.. My fuckin' slut."

A tear finally falls down your cheek, making your lungs fill with air as you pant, mouth falling open and cunt convulsing around him. The tip of his cock keeps hitting the deepest spot inside of you, nearly making you blank out as his words make your cheeks flush. "J-Joel, I—"

Before you can stammer anything else out, Joel's grip on your hair now pulls your body up completely, making your back hit his strong chest, despite it being covered by his tight shirt. Your breath hitches in your throat, barely able to think as his sudden hand lets go of your hair and wraps it around your neck, holding your body right against him.

Keeping you still with the control he has, you moan out and flutter your eyes shut, body shaking and tightening up at him choking you. The back of your head lays on his shoulder, resting it there as he leans in close to your ear, whispering out, "Gonna ruin you for everyone else, baby.. Every time anybody else fucks you, you're gonna think of me; me and my fuckin' cock making you fall apart.. Y'gonna come runnin' back to me.. every fuckin' time— M' gonna make sure of it."

Your eyes open hazily, widening at his words as the grip he has on your throat suddenly pushes you away, making your chest and upper body fall down against the seat, arms not even having any power to hold yourself up. His hands and fingertips sink back into your lower back, now pressing your stomach flush against the seat as it creates an angle that makes you feel him deeper than you've ever felt before.

You can barely process it now, your mouth spewing incoherent noises and words as he holds you down, practically using you just how he pleases. Your hips pushed against the seat are constantly being driven by his thrusts, your pubic bone and sensitive clit being stimulated with each shove.

It makes your eyes shut tightly, unable to control yourself as you pant and moan out for him repeatedly, your hands shaking as you can barely get yourself to hold onto something. His cock buries itself inside of your throbbing cunt over and over again, Joel laughing at the squelching noises that your pussy was letting out.

Before he can say anything, a ring fills his ears that suddenly grab his attention, making his head turn as his movements slow just enough to grasp your attention to make you turn your head and look at the source too.

Your phone, laying on the middle compartment right next to Joel; he reaches for it and sees who's calling, making him grin and chuckle out.

Your boyfriend.

"Well, would y'look at this, honey? Talkin' about runnin' back.." Joel mutters out, turning the phone towards your direction for you to see it too. It just makes your eyes widen, cunt clenching as Joel tests you, "Why don't we let em' hear what you're up to, baby? See how much he's missin' out, huh?"

You know it's so fucking wrong; yet, so fucking right.

Joel doesn't even wait for your response, and just licks his lips and presses answer, putting it on speaker as he lays the phone flat against your back, lifting one of his hands on your hips to smack your ass. The force creates a loud spank, filling the phone's speakers as Joel's hips begin to move at a faster pace again.

It makes you mewl out, tears falling down your face again as your hands try to grip on the seat you were laying on. His grunts are loud and lewd, the snap of his hips smacking against your ass and thighs as he makes you take his cock repeatedly, "There y'go, just like that.." He mumbles out.

Your boyfriend's voice fills your ears now, confusion and the evident drunken tone making you roll your eyes, "The fuck? What was that, baby?"

Before you can even respond, Joel cuts you off, doing the job right for you.

"Y'don't gotta worry about her anymore.. M' takin' real good care of her now.. Ain't that right, baby?" Joel groans out, smacking your ass again as he leans in closer towards your back, nearly laying his chest against you. You just whine out in response, nodding your head quickly as Joel urges you further, tutting his tongue, "No, no, lemme hear it, honey.. Why don't y'tell him yourself? Let him know how good you're takin' my cock.."

Your body and face grows hot, licking your dry lips as you stutter, "F-Feels so g-good, Joel.. You're takin' such good care of me now, I—"

"What the fuck, babe? No, no, this can't be fucking happening."

Joel laughs loudly at your boyfriend's words, leaning his head closer to speak right into your phone, "Oh, but it is, boy. Not m'fault you couldn't fuck your girl this good. But, wait.. she isn't 'your girl' anymore now, is she?" He asks him, the arrogant tone spewing out as his voice lowers.

He reaches his hand over to your neck again, wrapping it around and squeezing it tightly as he ruts himself in you fast and hard, the pace and the hold of his fingers making you scream out his name.

"You fucking asshole, I'll fucking—"

Joel just cuts him off, sighing out annoyingly as he shakes his head, "Shut the fuck up. Don't you fuckin' call her again, much less lay a hand on her. You do that n' I find out?— I will find you. N' I'll make sure to break every bone in your fuckin' body, boy."

As your boyfriend gasps at his words, he begins to stutter some pathetic shit that Joel doesn't wanna bother hearing anymore; so he ends the call, tossing your phone to the side to focus back on you completely.

Shutting his eyes, Joel sighs out as he presses firm, yet gentle kisses to your back, his hips now going a bit slower, but deliberately harder so you can feel every inch of him, cherishing your tight cunt with each second that passes.

"There we go, honey.. Took care of that for you, y'don't gotta worry about him now, fuck— M' gonna make you feel so good.. y'won't need anyone else.." Joel whispers in your ear, laying his chest and body completely over your back as his entire being consumes you, his cock filling you to the brim with each push and pull.

His chin rests just below your shoulder now, grunting into your ear as he mutters filthy words into it, "That right, baby? M' I the only one you need? Gonna let me be the only one who can fuck this pretty little pussy? F-Fuck, please.. lemme hear it, shit— need to hear you say it.."

The pace of his movements start to speed up again as you stammer out, "Y-Yeah, Joel, you're the only one I need, fuck!" his cock twitching at your confession as you continue, "Only need you, only want your cock in me, please— need you to fill me up, make me yours, Joel.."

He moans at your words, panting out as he feels himself growing closer at your pleads, and you're right with him too. His cock hits that spot in your core over and over again, making you wail and sob out at the feeling of your stomach tightening and coiling, biting your lower lip harder to try and stop you from blabbering out.

"Don't do that, baby, no, wanna hear you— please, make those pretty lil' noises for me, honey, y'sound so pretty like this," Joel blurts out, unable to even think as he slams his hips against your ass, creating a sting that makes you lightheaded with your climax growing furiously, "Gonna make me come so deep inside you, baby, jus' like you want.."

His words hit something inside you, making you suddenly see stars as your pussy convulses around his cock, clenching and grasping onto him tightly as you come, your slick coating your thighs and his cock completely. Your body shakes and trembles as he fucks you through it, laughing faintly at your sudden orgasm. "Oh, fuck— there y'go baby, pretty fuckin' girl, take it.." Joel moans out, panting even louder and faster as he chases his own release.

You cry out, your cunt being overstimulated by his unrelenting thrusts as he buries himself even harder and deeper into you, making you spew out, "Shit, Joel! C-Come inside me, fill me up, please, please, need it so—"

Joel's loud grunts cut you off, feeling the sudden warmth of his come spill inside of you completely as he slams his cock in as deep as he can, making sure you feel every inch of him and his come. His hips rock into you, grinding his pelvis harshly to try and get even a fraction of him deeper inside of you. It makes you wince out, your sore cunt oversensitive at the feeling.

His body completely gives out on top of yours, his breaths filling your ears as you both take each other in, falling from your highs and trying your best to relax. You laugh softly as you process everything that's just happened, and Joel does the same, pressing small kisses to the back of your neck as his hand lets it go.

"Shit, honey— so fuckin' good.. You alright?" He mutters out, chuckling as you turn your head slightly to look at him, taking in your worn and fucked out face. You just nod your head at him, feeling a bit hazy as you smile, laughing out, "Yeah.. Never better."

Joel's eyes glimmer as he swallows, pushing aside the hair that was covering your face as he admires you, grinning softly at you, "Should've done this years ago.. Y'been holdin' back on me, baby." He murmurs out, his smile widening.

You press a small kiss to his lips, licking your own as you correct him, "Been trying to get you to for years, Joel.. not my fault it took this long." He just shakes his head amusingly, pursing his lips.

"Well.. Y'wanna stay with me for the night? Maybe I can teach y'another lesson on how a.. 'real man' should treat ya?" He proposes to you, laughing at his reference of what he said to you earlier and what started this in the first place.

You just smile at him and nod your head eagerly:

"Wouldn't want anything more."

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a/n: kinda wanted to make joel threaten/hit reader's bf, but i figured joel's idea of revenge was so much sweeter <3

this is by far my fav fic i've written out of my 1st three, so i’d love some feedback from you all! ♥️

wanna be on a taglist? fill out the google form in my pinned post!

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reblogs are appreciated!

send me requests & i might write it for you! :)

[woongisi]

Freudian Slips // Kim Taerae

switch!Kim Taerae x switch!fem!Reader // SMUT, some angst & fluff

WC// 5.9k

Synopsis// Taerae tried to stay respectful and ignore the fact he wanted his cock down your throat. Sometimes, his own thoughts betray him.

Warnings// angst, name calling, yelling, pussy eating, porn w/ (some) plot, "good girl", nipple play, marking, cumming in pants, blowjob, best friends to lovers

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"Tae, I'm getting hungryyyyy."

The two of you had been on the floor in front of the couch, compromising comfort in many regards. Your head had been resting on Taerae’s lap for some number of hours while he watched whatever shows graced the food channels of the tv. You didn't mind, it was quiet sans the occasional chit chatting or his gentle humming when he decided it was a bit too silent.

Truthfully, Taerae’s focus on the tv was less out of interest and more out of necessity. Sure, he loved watching the guys in the shows travel the world to try new restaurants and making notes of ones he would likely never visit. Unfortunately for him, the proximity of your face to his groin and the gradation of light across your face bothered him more than he was willing to admit to himself. He couldn't look at you long enough for his mind to begin to wander or he knew he'd risk making you uncomfortable. Had he done that, Taerae would've left, screamed into his pillow, and dedicated his life to solitude.

“Dude, you have to quit watching these before I’ve had dinner.” You groaned and pulled yourself to an upright position much to Taerae’s simultaneous relief and disappointment. “I feel like I’m gonna die.”

“Well what have you been into lately?”

You pondered for a moment, beginning to spout off all the dishes you'd made and places you'd been that really hit the spot. Unintentionally egging on a discussion of the world’s many varieties of food for the next 10 minutes.

Once your stomach twisted again, you slammed your fist against the coach and shushed him. “Ok. Enough. My stomach is digesting itself. So… what's for dinner? I'm down for whatever.”

“You.”

Taerae had spoken without a single prior thought, far too lost in the depths of his brain filled with food and… lust.

The confused and conflicted face you hit him with was enough to bring realization to what he'd just said. The poor boy’s heart dropped with his face red hot in embarrassment.

“I- I meant… I meant you can decide! I'm… I'm also down for whatever…!” He was already preparing to get up and leave on the assumption you'd want him to.

“Taerae. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Your initial reaction was to snap at him. “Seriously, ask yourself if that was appropriate, at all. Are you really just as sex depraved as every other guy?” You shoved your face into your hands. “Jesus Christ, dude.”

You almost caught yourself off guard with your own reaction. First and foremost you'd felt violated and angry… which hadn't yet begun to subside.

“I'm sorry- Really, I didn't mean-” Guilt sat heavy on Taerae’s mind, hurt, but feeling the reaction was what he deserved after all.

“Shut up. Just… just quit. All you men are the same. Forgive me for even trying. Or.. or wasting my time. Or yours. Whatever the hell we've been doing! Half a decade with you for this?” Deep down you knew you were being too harsh. You just weren't willing to get hurt again. A history of shitty men catcalling you, all your male friends ending up just wanting you for sex, just overall sleaze left you defensive.

Taerae remained silent, unable to form any words with sharp tears pricking at his eyes. By now he'd already backed up and moved to his knees, beginning to stand up.

“It's embarrassing, honestly. For you. I truly can't wait for the day I’m more than a damn hole to people.” You continued your rant, yet to notice the fat tears that had started rolling down Taerae's cheeks. “Quit thinking with your dick! I didn't think you were like that. It's just fucking disgusting. Why do I try anymore, Taerae you- you…”

Your eyebrows furrowed in surprise when his shame was no longer capable of being ignored. He slumped back to his knees in defeat, choking back cries, something that often failed and led to a weak sob. “I'll go… maybe you're right. I- I'm sorry again. I just…. just… never mind. You can block my number if you want…” Nearly every other word was interrupted with a sniffle or painfully restricted heave of his chest.

Your gaze fell more softly upon him. You hated to admit he… kinda looked pretty like this. “No,” you huffed and frowned with the awful knowing feeling that set deep in your chest, reaching to rest a hand on his knee. “I'm the one that should-”

Taerae cut you off sharply, “No!” He flinched back from your touch as if even coming in contact with you would kill him. “It's my fault I-”

“God, shut up!” Your voice raised again which did, indeed, shut him up.

You'd known Taerae for a number of years now. You'd just graduated college together, and had met him when he transferred to your high school in your senior year.

Back then you didn't see him for at least two weeks but you always heard murmurs about some new kid. You shared no classes, but word spread fast. A new kid is a new kid, your graduating class hadn't had one in years. Rumors were pretty mild compared to the usual gossip. The new kid was too quiet, the new kid came from overseas, the new kid was kinda hot but not really their type. Too nice and too passive. You knew from the start you wanted to meet him one day.

During the first fire drill of the year, you did. An unfamiliar face caught your eye in the grouping adjacent to yours. He was looking straight to the ground, fidgeting with the silver ring on his left pinky. It seemed like it spun. Most of the other kids were on their phones or talking, the teachers had given up on quieting them down pretty quickly.

You had snuck into his group, greeted a couple classmates you know alright, and placed yourself right in front of him.

“Hey, are you the new kid? Tae… Taetae? Raerae…?”

He had looked up from the ground with a small startle and nodded shyly. “Uh… Taerae… yeah.” He looked off to the side. “Why do you ask…?”

“Oh, I was just curious. I’d heard people talking about you and wanted to know what was up. I'm y/n by the way.” You cocked your head to the side to teasingly meet his gaze.

He was, as the other girls described, kinda hot. But… maybe he was your type? His dark brown hair hung across his forehead, straight and well kept. His deep brown eyes weren't eager to meet yours but you were glad to meet his. Neither of you knew just how pivotal that fire drill would be.

The teachers had signaled the all clear and just like that you were gone, yelling back that you liked his glasses and that he should come find you at lunch.

And find you at lunch he did. He had decided in the hours between that you couldn't be so bad. You didn't ridicule him for being so quiet, you didn't treat him like an animal to be oohed and ahhed at. Within a few weeks he'd developed a crush on you but pushed it to the recesses of his brain. You were his only friend at the school and he had studying to focus on. You, he thought, were too good for him anyways.

In the following years you grew to be attached at the hip. Always berated with questions as to if the two of you were dating, you both answered in equal shock with “Ewww!!!” and “I would never”... which had bothered him a little more than he liked to admit.

You spent lunch together. You spent time between classes together. Occasionally, you skipped class together. You spent your whole summer inseparable until the day you started your final year of college. And when that ended, you threw your graduation parties together. You had learned so much during those years. He had learned everything about you. Your dreams, your fears, your rocky history with men, what made you angry, what food you loved and hated, your favorite spots in town… everything.

The years that flash across your mind in only seconds snapped you back to the present situation.

In that short time, your mind had switched from the hurt you felt with others to fear. Fear that you were about to lose the best thing you ever had. Your best friend.

“Taerae. Taerae, come here…” You crawled over to him and, despite his protests, wrapped your arms around him. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I… I know you didn't mean to upset me.”

The boy’s tears had begun to flow openly and he was sobbing into the crook of your neck and shoulder. Sputtering apologies for getting tears and snot all over your shirt, pressing into your form.

“You've always been so sweet to me, even when I was messing with you and even when I didn't deserve it.” Every sentence you spoke drove him to be a complete and utter mess. You squeezed him tightly, securely, apologetically. “It was too much. The way I just yelled at you… It just struck a chord. I'm sorry. Nobody's ever treated me like you do.”

You said nothing more. Taerae had never seemed so small beneath your hold. You ran your hands through his wavy hair, hair that he recently had lightened to a lovely golden brown hue. With no lack of effort on your end, you managed to get his glasses off of his face and placed them on the carpeted floor beside you. You wanted to cry too. You wanted to cry and just say you were sorry over and over again. You resisted it even if only barely. The two of you never fought. Never.

When he calmed down enough, you let him go and gave his shoulder a tiny nudge. “Come on. Look at me.” Reluctantly he did.

His pretty brown eyes were puffy, blown wide, and glistening as he looked to you. “You… you don't hate me now?” Taerae's voice was meek in a way you hadn't seen since his last breakup. “I understand if you do…”

You spoke slowly, deliberately, and carefully to avoid revealing the extent in which he was breaking your heart right now. “Please. Hush.” You wiped the tears from his eyes with the knuckle of your finger. “I know you too well… I could never hate you. You're too kind, too gentle, too…”

Your next words came out in unison.

“Pathetic.”

“Perfect.”

Taerae's shocked expression was hardly repressed. “Perfect…? No. No no no, I'm anything but that. I'm nothing. Not compared to you.”

“Please don't make me tell you to shut up again. Hey… you're wearing the same sweater you were wearing when we met.”

“You remember that…?”

“I couldn't forget it if I tried to. You changed my life. We've done practically everything together for 5 years. If I lost you I don't think I'd ever be the same. Besides, it just looks so cute on you.”

Silence hung heavy in the air except for the background noise of Guy Fieri leaking from the television. All you two could do was stare at each other in a confusing meld of emotions. You fumbled for the remote, placing the tv on mute before you spoke.

“Hey.”

“Yeah, y/n…?”

“Would it be weird if I told you I'm in love with you?”

At that very moment Taerae felt like he had to be delusional. Maybe dead. Whatever he felt, there was no way you just said that to him.

“What…?”

It was your turn to shy away from his gaze.

“D- Do you mean it? Please don't toy with me like this. I can't take it. Please please don't do this to me. Don't break my heart.”

“You know I mean it, Tae. Do I lie to you?”

Taerae’s heart was stuck in his throat. Tears that never truly stopped had started once more. This time, accompanied by his smile that always extended ear to ear.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” Taerae was absolutely beaming, giggling like a little kid. “I've dreamt about this day. I've liked you for years. I always pushed it away, thinking you'd never like me like that. You were seriously out of my league. Still are.”

Suddenly, you were pulled into a tight hug. You could feel his heart hammering in his chest. You'd be able to feel him crying too, if it weren't for the fabric of your shirt already being soaked.

“Oh, y/n. You were the first person in this city to treat me like I mattered. I've never truly been able to ignore my feelings, but… when you were laying there. So peaceful. So at ease with your head secure in my lap. I just wanted to love you.”

He paused only long enough to take a deep breath.

“I've always loved you but I wanted to love you. I wanted you to be mine and only mine. To hold you, to comfort you, protect you. Your pretty little face putting so much trust in me. I shouldn't be speaking like it was in the past. I want to. Present tense. I want to fall asleep with you and then every morning I want to wake up with you.”

Taerae’s next words were considered carefully.

“If we're bearing it all, I should admit this too. Earlier… it was a slip of the mouth but I meant it in a way. It wasn't some filthy joke to try and get under your skin or in your pants. But… I do want you that way. I guess… sexually… I just didn't want you to find out in such a way and I needed you to hear that I really care for you and wasn't just riled up because your face was near my bits.”

“Alright, that's enough.” You bit your lip and grabbed his left hand. The one he wore the spinning ring on way back then. “I want to kiss you. I can't talk anymore. I need you to feel that I love you. So, please. Can I kiss you?”

Taerae groaned in relief and giggled. “I've waited 5 years for this. God. You know my ex from last year? She was pretty and all but through all that I only wanted you. All that just to say… kiss me. I'm almost begging you to.”

The first connection of your lips was eager but soft, and sent shockwaves through your bodies. This is what you'd been missing. This is what he'd been missing. No amount of hot flings could've ever prepared you for how it was to kiss Taerae.

“Thank you.” You whispered against him. It only took a moment's time for your lips to clash again, this time more passionately. He tasted faintly of caramel and dark brewed coffee. The scent you caught from the collar of his shirt was new and sickeningly intoxicating. You were used to his natural scent by now and had always enjoyed it, but smelling it now with the velvety rich perfume was an entirely different sensation.

You weren't sure how experienced your dear friend was, but you were sure he'd never kissed anyone like this. His lips were pillowy and unexpectedly soft. Contradicting his generally unassertive nature, Taerae had decided there was enough surface level kissing. The surprise of him attempting to push his tongue into your mouth caught you off guard, causing you to yield easily. A soft whine rose from your throat, egging Taerae on.

“Having fun, yeah?” He chided at you, his typical humor coming back to him.

“Having fun, yeah?” You mocked. “Just keep kissing me, pretty boy.”

There were no complaints to be had on that command. One hand firmly on your back and the other holding the side of your face, Taerae's presence was domineering. The way his hands spread so far across you had you acutely aware of just how large they really are. You desperately wanted to know what those hands could do, but patience was a virtue you had to exercise.

“You taste so good, Tae~” Your face was red hot, almost humiliatingly so. Each time you pulled away from each other, saliva hung between you in heavy strands. You hadn't expected to be kissing your best friend, nor had you expected you'd be on the floor if it ever were to happen. Taerae leaned forward, guiding you carefully to rest your back against the front of the couch.

Taerae broke the kiss, both of your lips growing red. You let out a whine of dismay which was quickly silenced by him latching on to your neck, just below your ear. Taerae's warm breath against your skin made you shiver and you moved to grab on to the sleeve of his sweater.

“Shit- Tae, don't, I have to work tomorrow.” Despite your protests, you'd subconsciously craned your neck to grant him easy access.

“Hm?” He nipped lightly at your flesh. “Waited all this time but you want me to stop now?

“Fine, but if anyone says a word to me you'll never hear the end of it.”

“Hm. I can live with that.”

His onslaught against your neck was relentless, moving his way down toward your collarbones. Red and purple hues were now flowering on the expanse of your skin in deliberately placed blotches.

“Hey, switch it up.” You tapped his arm to get his attention, your message conveyed easily enough. Adjusting your respective positions and climbing onto the couch, you were now straddling Taerae’s hips. You cupped his face, lightly caressing his cheeks with your thumb. Your eyes fell upon him with adoration, taking in the views of his furrowed brows, glossy eyes, and blushing cheeks. With a loving sigh, you granted a small kiss to his cheek before taking his lips into yours once more.

You grasped one of his hands, guiding it to hover just above your chest. Between kisses you assured him it was alright for him to touch you, which he was happy to accept. Your breath hitched once he took your breast into his large hand and brushed his thumb across your nipple. The days in which you bothered to wear a bra around him had passed a couple years ago. Normally such a simple action wouldn't have brought much of a reaction, but this situation was far from ordinary. His massaging of your flesh was slow, almost hesitant, and he was clearly relishing it.

The kisses you exchanged were growing increasingly sloppy and desperate. Softly moaning and whimpering into each other's mouths, teeth occasionally scraping, tongue intertwining. Taerae was becoming increasingly excited, not only evidenced by his less coordinated movements but the growing bulge in his jeans as well. You took note of this and gave your hips an experimental roll. Taerae's brow twitched and he hissed, a small involuntary buck of his hips meeting.

“O-oh my god, y/n, hell.” He was hit with a sudden worry and shook his head slightly, now maintaining eye contact. “First. I know I want this… but are you sure you do? Really really sure? It's so sudden I… I don't want to pressure you into anything. I’d never forgive myself.”

“Idiot,” You chuckled. “I promise if I wasn't sure then I'd have stopped this by now. I want to be close to you, I want to feel you.”

Taerae flashed you a brilliant grin and settled his hands on your waist. You draped your arms over his shoulders, wrapping around to the back of his neck, and nestled your face against the crook of his neck. You swore you could almost feel his heart kiss a beat at the feeling of you licking a small stripe down the side of it.

“Just revenge.” You quipped, proceeding to suck circles into the delicate flesh and biting down gently.

“You gotta be trying to kill me, woman.” You granted him no audible reply.

You again started to move your hips against him, the friction of your panties and thin shorts against the rough denim sending a shock straight to your core. He was already becoming putty in your hands, pliant and gradually losing the dominant facade he'd earlier displayed. His hips came up to meet yours with breathy moans emitting from the two of you. Deciding you'd abused his poor neck enough, you pulled away from his neck. One hand now resting on his side, the other slipped under the thick sweater fabric but still above the white button up he donned beneath.

“Bet your ex never did this to you, hm?” Taerae about jumped out of his skin when your index and pointer finger pressed down on his nipple, rolling the sensitive bud beneath them.

He tossed his head back with a pathetic drawn out whimper. “Damnit, didn't know they were so fucking sensitive. You're right… but I’m so fucking glad you are now.” He swallowed his next breath hard and spoke shyly. “P-please, I like it, don't stop.”

Who were you to deny?

Your continued ministrations were of course pleasurable to you but nothing was quite as satisfying as the way Taerae was coming completely unraveled beneath you. His erection was straining painfully against his jeans now, every buck of his hips driving him just a bit more crazy, short noises of “ah, ah” falling loosely from his lips whenever you applied pressure to him again.

The grip your partner had on you was becoming almost painful but pleasantly so. Arousal filled eyes looking up admirably at you, his mind was spinning.

“Wait, wait, I'm close- so close.” Taerae warned but groaned at the sudden loss of friction when you stilled your hips.

“What's wrong? You wouldn't wanna be done already would you?” It was your turn to tease.

He shook his head and you pressed your forehead against his.

“I've got a question , Tae. You ever wondered what I taste like?”

“God, yes, s-so many times.”

“Right, then I've got an idea. Taerae. Do you wanna eat me out?”

“Fuck. Yes. Is that even a question?”

Taerae took his position back on the floor, legs folded neatly beneath him. You were lounging against the back of the couch with legs open wide to grant him access. Taerae ran his hands along your thighs. He'd seen them many times before, years of ignoring how much he wondered how they'd feel.

“Come on,” You whined, “not to be all impatient but I really would love some relief right about now.”

Taerae hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of your shorts, urging you to lift your hips, and pulled them off of you. He swore his mouth watered at the sight of you. Your underwear were simple, your typical bikini style. They were sky blue, ribbed cotton, with a tiny white bow right on the middle of the waistband.

“Ah, cute.” Taerae laughed lightly and leaned in, placing a kiss on your inner thigh. “Never took you for someone to wear anything but skin tone panties.”

“You've… thought about it?” You looked to the side shyly as if he was looking at your face anyways.

“Mhm. Thought about a lot of things.”

Taerae left sloppy open-mouthed kisses along the inside of your thighs, pulling at the skin softly with his teeth. He took in every little twitch of your muscles and every little noise you made.

“Alright alright, I'll stop teasing.”

Taerae removed your panties, biting his bottom lip harshly. You squirmed, self conscious under the intensity of his gaze.

“Fuckin’ beautiful…” He muttered under his breath and gave your clit a playful lick which made you jump. Arms situated on either side of your hips, Taerae delved into you eagerly, coating the lower half of his face in your juices in little time. “Baby, you're so wet, shit.”

You ran one hand through his fluffy hair, assuring that it was all because of him, all for him. He granted you a sloppy lick along the entirety of your cunt eagerly. He nuzzled into you, tongue delving into your core. Every movement felt electric to you, drowning in the sensation of his nose bumping into your clit, losing yourself more and more when you focused in on the sounds of his mouth against you and the way he panted whenever he paused to catch his breath. One of your hands was pressed against your mouth to stifle your moans while the other grabbed at Taerae’s hair.

You yanked at the locks unintentionally harsh when Taerae’s lips latched onto your clit, sucking eagerly with his tongue pressing against it lightly. The sting of his scalp solicited a choked groan deep from his throat. You took note of it, realizing there was definitely a reason he enjoyed it so much when you played with his hair all the time. Cute.

Taerae had yet to notice the fact he was rutting his hips against the couch, far too focused on eating you out as if he'd never get the chance again. For all he knew, he wouldn't. He removed his right hand from your leg and dipped two fingers into your opening, plunging them in and out progressively deeper as they were coated with your wetness. You'd given up on keeping quiet by now, the hand previously over your mouth now pinching your nipple through your shirt.

“Feels so good,” You gasped out. Taerae curled his fingers, eventually locating the spot that made you cry out. You felt him smile, narrowing in on it and using his free hand to lightly press his palm flat over your pubic bone.

“There you go, just like that.” He purred, picking up his pace. Your chest was heaving, your mind reeling and leaving you wondering where he learnt this and how the hell he got so good at it. His ex crossed your mind but you couldn't be bothered to feel jealous at the moment. Not when the callused pads of his fingers were abusing your g-spot.

“Tae, I'm gonna- Please please just don't stop!” You begged incoherently to him. Taerae’s hips stuttered against the couch, not realizing just how close he was until it was too late. He grunted, desperately chasing his high until he pushed over the edge, his seed spilling out to ruin the expensive denim of his jeans. His moans reverberated through your nerves, bringing you to ecstasy moments after he came. Your thighs shook and clamped around his skull which only encouraged him to ride through both of your orgasms.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you-” Taerae soaked in your praises, freeing himself from the grasp of your legs once you had calmed down.

“Good god, you're good.” You took deep breaths, trying to regain composure. Taerae stood up and leaned over you so he could kiss your forehead and hold your cheek.

“Thank you, love,” Taerae avoided eye contact and scratched his arm. “I, uhm, I may have finished… I’m really sorry.”

“Trade me places. Don’t apologize. Don't worry. I'll clean you up real nice.” You smirked.

If his situation didn't feel real before, it did now. You were looking up at Taerae, fumbling to undo his belt until you could remove it and toss it to the side. You handed him his glasses with the insistence he should be able to see you perfectly.

Taerae considered his words carefully. “This is crazy, all of this. I… think we're past the point of hiding anything. I've stayed up so many nights buried deep in a toy, pretending and wishing so badly that it was you. Now you're here, unzipping my pants…”

His statements made your ears hot while you instructed him to help you out, pulling his pants down to his ankles. He was just in his sweater and underwear now, navy blue plaid boxers complete with a sizable wet patch at the front.

“What else did you think about? Don't be shy. I wanna know.” You lightly squeezed the form of his dick with a mumble. “Such a mess you've made.”

“Well, I-” Taerae’s voice caught in his throat when you started to palm at his groin, agonizingly slow and deliberate. “You remember all those times some freak wouldn't leave you alone so you grabbed my hand and declared how you were taken?”

You placed a kiss just below his navel, right on his happy trail. “Of course I was happy to help you out before all else… but at night I’d always think about how small your hands felt around mine.”

You pulled his boxers down, enough for his dick to spring out and land against his stomach with a wet slap. A drawn out groan filled the room.

“Oh my- has anyone ever told you that your cock is beautiful?” It really was. He wasn't the longest, sitting at what you guessed was 6 inches, but he was girthy. His dick curved upward pleasantly, adorned with a couple prominent veins and a pale pink head. Everything was amplified by the thick white liquid coating the length of it.

You rested your head against his thigh, lazily stroking up and down, taking in the view, and smiling a little at the feeling of Taerae petting your hair. The moment was tender, uncharacteristically quiet. He looked at you like you were his whole world, whispering praises of how pretty you are, soaking in the sensations.

“Alright, I did say I’d clean you up, yeah?”

You licked a long stripe up the underside of Taerae's dick, gathering some amount of his seed on your tongue as you did so. You swallowed it eagerly and stuck out your tongue with an “ahh” to let him see there was nothing remaining. You continued your job with excitement, leaving small licks across the skin until the only residue left was your saliva.

You wrapped a hand around the base of his cock and took the tip into your mouth. You tongued at his slit, noting the way he shuddered. Neglecting to give any meaningful warning, you took a deep breath through your nose and pushed yourself down on his length, gagging a bit when the head touched the back of your throat.

“Fuck!” Taerae’s hand grabbed a fistful of your hair. “Where'd you learn to do that? Ngh- actually, don't tell me. I can't stand to t-think about your lips on anybody but me.”

You pulled your head off of him with a pop and looked up with pleading eyes.

“Please, I want you… in me.” You couldn't understand how you felt so bashful with Taerae considering how long you'd known him. You mulled over it for a moment, deciding it was reasonable enough to feel embarrassed to be begging any man for anything.

Something switched on within Taerae’s mind. “Alright, up.” He patted his thigh, guiding you to straddle him with the head of his cock brushing against your entrance.

“You sure, baby?” You nodded. “Ready? Promise? I want to hear you say it.”

“I promise, need you.”

“Good girl.”

Taerae used his hand to slide his cock between your folds, using the other to urge you to sink your hips down.

“A-ah, Taerae!” You cried and pressed your head into his neck. He swore he could've cum on the spot. You'd used his full name before. Plenty of times, really. Normally you were just calling for him across the room. Maybe scolding him for saying something dumb, or even yelling at him as you had done not even an hour prior. This was… different.

“Come on,” He gently pried you from his body. His eyes sparkling, looking at you like you were his entire world, pride swelling in his chest. “Hold on tight.”

You flung your arms around him happily, regaining your position by his throat. Taerae's hands grabbed firmly at your hips as he started to thrust in to you.

“Good god, so tight.” Taerae growled. The stretch was incredible, your walls clenching around him. The initial sting was soothed quickly. You could've sworn Taerae was made for you in every way. His personality, his care, the way your bodies slotted together, how satisfyingly he filled your cunt.

Both of you swore up and down you usually lasted longer but between the surges of emotion longing, you were reaching your peaks quite rapidly.

Taerae was basking in how you begged for him to speed up, unknowingly stroking his ego. He smirked with satisfaction, you were finally his… and he needed to hear it out loud.

“You want more?” His voice was low and velvety in your ears. “Right. Then tell me who's wrecking you? Who do you belong to?”

“You, Tae-” His nails dug into your sides with his thrusts intensifying swiftly. “Belong to you, don't want anyone else. Just Taerae-”

His hips snapped roughly upward, letting himself set a brutal pace.

“That's right, y/n. Mine. Don't need anybody else.”

Your ramblings had devolved to moans with the occasional coherent utterance of Taerae's name, thanks, and praises.

“Getting close, hon?” Taerae's breath was shaky and hot, his mind clouding with the pleasure that washed over him in waves.

You nodded fervently, pleading with him to keep going, to let you finish. Granting him permission to cum inside before he had even asked. With a series of high moans, your orgasm hit you like a semi, clamping your teeth down on the side of Taerae’s neck hard.

“Fuck!” Taerae yelped and planted himself firmly within you, pushed to his limit by the way you desperately rutted your hips against his in an attempt to drag out your high. His cum covered your walls in white hot ropes with every twitch of his cock, filling you up until it began to seep out of you and down to his balls.

For a few moments, everything was quiet other than both of your exhausted pants. You clung to him like he wasn't corporeal, like he was going to disappear if you let him go, feeling his heart beating forcefully beneath his sweater. You pulled off of him, mourning the loss of his cock and the sticky liquid that flowed freely from your hole.

Coming back to reality, insecurity grabbed hold of you cruelly and you held back tears.

“T-Taerae…?”

His hand rubbed your back reassuringly.

“Yes?”

“Do you still love me?”

“What kind of silly question- Nevermind.” Taerae squeezed you into a hug and wiggled back and forth. “Of course I do. Sure you just took me to another planet but I told you that's not the only reason I love you. I promise.”

Your stomach growled in the silence, reminding you of what had gotten you to this situation in the first place.

“I'm sorry again, Tae. I love you so so so much…”

Taerae made a noise of acknowledgement. “I love you too. Hey, you still hungry?”

“God damn I almost forgot. Can we get chinese?”

“What? You just had korean! But, if that's what you want then I guess so…”

“Oh, shut up!” You laughed and pinched Taerae wherever you could grab.

Taerae removed you from his arms, peppering tiny kisses all over your face and hands.

“Get up so we can clean up, alright? Then I’ll call in the order and you can take a nap. I'll wake you up when it gets here.”

You nodded happily, following him to the bathroom while he switched on the showerhead. You both tossed your shirts to the side and hopped under the hot water, embracing each other once again.

“Thanks for pissing me off, Tae.”

“Yeah. Thanks for not killing me on the spot.”

[loveydoveymonsters]

A Perfect World - Part 2

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No no no. He waited too long. This wasn't supposed to happen, damn it they took you. They took you and he doesn't know where. You haven't been back in the cell in days. Originally he was just going to wait a week and try to communicate with you to let you know his plan. A week turned into a month, which turned into two, and then the next thing he knew you were being dragged kicking and screaming out of the shared cell by your hair by two brutish-looking men. He tried to stop them, of course he did, but they shot him with tranquilizer darts before he had a chance to get close. He's been extremely aggressive ever since, refusing to eat, never sleeping, just growling at the glass plotting his next move. He's not going to leave you to be tortured by these psychopaths. All he needs is the perfect moment, the perfect time, the perfect angle to hit the glass, everything needs to be perfect. Nothing is perfect without you though. He can't focus without you. He keeps thinking about the torture you must be enduring, the pain you must be in. He whines to himself missing you. He was sleeping with you every single night, cuddled up next to your warmth. Sleeping on top of you as if he were a big old shield to the world around you. He can't do that now, he can't sleep without you. Who knew having a mate would have such an effect on him? He certainly didn't. He didn't realize the full extent of his affections for you until you were gone with no indication of when you'd be back. He hates this. He needs you, he wants you back ‘Give her back’. He slams his fist against the glass staring down one of the scientists, growling ferociously. ‘I want her back. Give her back to me’ His aggression almost turns into a plead. He's pleading with them, pleading with them to find some sort of humanity in their hearts and return his love to him. He knows though. The only way he's going to see you again is if he breaks out and finds you himself.

This is it, the moment he's been waiting for. It's in the middle of the night the guard has fallen asleep, he could kill him easily he just needs to break out first. It has to be one punch, strong enough to shatter the glass so he can break through. One punch that's all he needs, one good hit. That's all it took, one good hit and he was through the glass of the cell. When the guard woke up he used his claws to rip his throat out ignoring the blood that got all over him and the alarms that started to rage through the building. He deeply inhaled focusing in on your scent, desperately trying to pick it up. He won't leave you behind, he doesn't care how many scientists he has to kill nor does he care how many people try to stop him. ‘Come on come on where are you?’ He wanders through the halls as quickly as possible continuing to try and sniff you out. He stops, he found you, he caught your scent and he follows it immediately. Bulldozing through guards and scientists and monsters alike. He makes it to a room, a quiet room he's anxious to enter. He thought he would dive into your arms and hold you close but now that he's at the door he realizes how scared he is. He doesn't know what's on the other side of it, are you healthy, have you been ripped apart? Have they stuck you with so many needles there's not a single inch of skin left? He shakes his head, whatever he sees he's going to save you. He'll put you back together, he'll take out all the needles, he'll undo whatever torture has been done. ‘Open the door, open the door damn it why won't you move?” His body isn't listening to him. He's scared to see his mate in so much pain. ‘Just fucking open it she's waiting for you’ He's out of time, everyone's closing in on him he has to do it. ‘Open the door open the door open the door…’

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He breaks it down and is horrified by what he sees. Hooked up to so many machines, needles stuck in every inch of her body, she's completely restrained, blindfolded, and covered in bruises and cuts. She's unconscious when he reaches her recklessly pulling everything out of her without regard for what it may do to her system. He doesn't know what these machines are, he's never seen them before, he just wants her free of them so he does what he can. He can't stop the bleeding that comes from her wounds. There's so much blood. He can't tell where it's all coming from. ‘Stop it, stop it, no dying’. He slings her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing and he just starts running continuing to ram anything in his way. He stops before he reaches the door though when he realizes her bleeding isn't going to stop on its own. He turns back, as much as he hates it one of the scientists could help, or at least one of the doctors they keep on staff. ‘Look for a lab coat, look for a med bag, look for something you can grab’. He does in fact grab a doctor, lugging him under his arm as he hauls ass out of an exit door. He sees a car and breaks it open, gently laying her in the backseat before slamming the doctor into the passenger side. She had been teaching him English before she was taken from him. He doesn't know much but he knows enough to get his demands across. 

“Fix…Her…”

His voice is raspy, a growl still embedded in it. The doctor trembles terrified of what a large beast may do if he denies its request. He doesn't do anything, frozen in fear, in shock of what just happened. He's about to just kill him before he realizes that he doesn't exactly know how to drive a car. He's right about it but he's never had the need to. He's lived in the forest for most of his life, he hasn't been in his human form in decades, this doctor could be the one thing that helps them escape. So the werewolf sighs and pulls the doctor into the driver's seat. A clawed hand remaining against his neck as he climbs into the back with his love.

“Drive…”

“Th-This isn't my car! I don't even know if there are keys! There's no way you're going to make it past the gate anyway they search the vehicles! P-Please j-just let me go! Ah!”

He makes a small cut against his throat, not amused or swayed by the doctor’s pleas at all. He searches the car, the visors, under the formats, in the glove compartments, and he finds it. A spare set of keys ready to be used and the doctor realizes there's no way he's getting out of this now. If he doesn't drive he'll be killed, if he does drive he'll most likely be killed later. If he helps the monsters escape he'll be deemed a traitor and assassinated. Either way, he's going to die and he knows it. Regardless, he starts the car and drives away approaching the gate slowly so he can think of something. 

“Lay down, u-under the blankets. Put her on top of you. It's night if the both of you are covered we should be able to make it through the security checkpoint without issues”

‘Don't tell me what to do human’ The werewolf grumbles in his head as he follows instructions. Her blood seeps into his fur, he's losing her, he shouldn't have ripped out those needles. He shouldn't have detached her from those machines so quickly, he whines quietly holding her tightly. It was an accident, he didn't mean to, he hopes you forgive him. You'll be fine, you'll be fine, everything's going to be fine. Just make it past the checkpoint that's all he has to do and then he can get this doctor to fix you and then he can finally be free. Free with his mate. He can finally take care of you the way you always should have been taken care of. ‘Hurry up’ The car approaches the checkpoint and the doctor gives a strained smile to the security guard who shines a light into both sides of the car. The guard had heard the alarms and knew to be aware of escaping monsters but thankfully the werewolf had kidnapped a very trustworthy doctor, one that doesn't cause suspicion. They make it through the checkpoint with no issue and the doctor drives them to the nearest motel where the werewolf proceeds to mug him. 

“Money…give”

“W-What?”

“Give…Money.”

The doctor knows at this point not to agitate the werewolf who begins to shift back into his human form before the doctor's very eyes. Dread fills his heart as he realizes pretty soon the werewolf isn't going to need him anymore, he just has to fix the fox hybrid and then he'll probably be killed. He can't take this anxiety. He's about to have a panic attack. He starts to breathe heavily, gasping for any sort of air. He doesn't want to die. He knew what he was doing was wrong but he was making a lot of money. He may deserve to die in the werewolf's eyes but that doesn't mean he can accept it. He doubles over gagging, trying to breathe trying to get any sort of air into his lungs. He's having a panic attack. The werewolf recognizes this though. He places his now human hand on the doctor's shoulder, it's heavy, he's big even in his human form. He remembers his mate doing this for him when he would have bad reactions to the experiments. She would rub his shoulder, and his back, and help him breathe through the worst pain, through the worst panic. He's not stupid, he knows why the doctor is freaking out. He may not care about this pathetic human but right now that human is the only one who can save his love so he needs him to be calm.

“Calm…won't hurt…fix her”

He says while pointing to his mate still bleeding in the car. 

“Fix her…please”

The desperation in his tone made the doctor pause. Air finally filling his lungs as he calms down. This wolf is so scared to lose his love, maybe he would spare him if he saved you. He has no choice now so he figures he may as well go for it. Sighing in defeat he shakes his head and turns towards the back door of the car. Opening it to check your wounds, your poor broken body in worse shape than he thought. 

“Okay, I'll get us a room. You stay with her. I'll be right back I promise…please don't take my wallet.”

He bears his fangs momentarily before huffing and returning to you. You're still unconscious and still bleeding but thankfully not as much as before. You got so small so quickly, they must not have been feeding you. He hates how much pain you must have been in. He hates that he didn't break out sooner, he should have gone sooner. He blames himself. He shouldn't but he does because if he had just broken out the moment he landed in that hell hole you probably would have been spared this anguish. He was also too rash in thinking he could just detach you from everything without anything happening to you. ‘please be okay. I need you to be okay’

“I got us a room. Go ahead and pick her up I'll treat her inside.”

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚

Inside the motel room, it's very quiet, your werewolf stands over you as the doctor stitches your skin, injects you with a ton of numbing meds. By some grace of God, there was a medkit in the trunk of that car so while it may not have been that doctor’s it certainly was a doctor's vehicle they stole. This place is shady, it smells like death, everything feels so muted, maybe it's because you aren't awake. Everything feels so much duller when you aren't around, you give him life. You are the reason he started caring again. Before he was captured he was just living on autopilot. Doing the same thing all day every day, while it was nice to be free the repetition was starting to get to him. He didn't see a meaning in life anymore. But catching your scent was all it took for him to become hooked on you. You're his mate, you're his everything. So you need to be okay you better be okay because he can't live without you. He doesn't care how fast this is. He doesn't care that saying I love you may be too much. He loves you, he's possessive over you, you are his whether you like it or not.

“There, all done. I stopped all her bleeders and the pain meds I gave her should keep her numb for a while but you're going to need to restock. Now we just wait for her to wake up…Can I go now?”

The werewolf tilts his head at the doctor as if it was a stupid thing to ask. He needs to ask the doctor a couple more questions but his vocabulary is still so limited. He doesn't think he's finding the right words. He's trying though, he doesn't want to kill this doctor, especially not when he helped you. But he can't risk him letting anyone know where you are, at this point he doesn't care if he's captured again as long as you're safe. You have to be safe. So he's trying, trying to communicate, trying to keep things clean like you always want him to. 

“No…Speak…talk?...Where are”

He huffs in frustration, he knows it doesn't sound right. He tries again rearranging the words but the doctor cuts him off with a hesitant hand. This werewolf is intimidating in both forms so it took a lot of courage just to do that. With a almost hopeful voice the doctor speaks in a reassuring tone and a very calm one, praying that this wolf doesn't get tired of him. 

“I won't tell anyone where you are. I'll also get you some money so you can run freely to wherever you want to go.”

Instead of easing the wolf's fears this just made them worse. He had every right to be suspicious, it didn't make any sense why the doctor would fund their escape. He grabs him by the throat and slams him against a wall, a little too preemptively he admits but it was just his instincts leading him.

“Why?...No hurt her”

“I-I’m not going to hurt her I just don't want you to kill me! Ow shit!”

“Why fix?”

“Because I feel bad! So many monsters, so many creatures were wounded or experimented on under my supervision. I never wanted that, I just wanted to make a decent living for my family. She never did anything wrong. I wouldn't wish harm upon her. Maybe on to you but that's a whole different story considering that you're holding me against a wall by my throat right now”

“...Sorry…Walk….home”

He wasn't holding him very hard, he wasn't trying to choke more restrain. He releases the doctor, loots his wallet and the keys to the car before pushing him out of the motel room leaving him alone with his mate. His mate who he hasn't seen in so long. Days felt like months, he approached her sleeping form and curled around it. Letting his tail and ears be visible since hers are. He pets them, her most sensitive spots hoping it'll help her sleep better. Hoping it'll relieve the pain that may still be going on inside her. He kisses her cheek, his fangs lightly grazing her skin. He can't hold his human form for much longer. He hates being in it. So he relaxes, letting his wolf form return as he completely dwarfs her in size. He lays right next to her curling around her entire body, shielding her from the rest of the world. ‘Wake up’. It's a silent plea as he licks her cheek, her face, her neck, and down to her collarbone. Soft places, intimate places that she may enjoy. He doesn't know, he's never had a partner before. He'll talk to her when she wakes up, because she's going to wake up. You are going to wake up. He has no doubt in his mind about that. He'll wait, he'll wait for you as long as it takes. If he has to bathe you, force-feed you, and carry you around everywhere he goes until you regain consciousness he will. Just do him a favor, stay with him. Stay with him so he doesn't have to be alone again. So he doesn't have to wait for another perfect mate to come along. No one could beat you anyway.

⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚۰˚☽˚⤹⋆⸙͎۪۫｡˚

[mischiefmaker615]

Hehehehehehe here is an idea that has been floating around in my mind:

Loki is king and his queen is Sigyn, they are pretty good friends but Loki feels no real love for her. They only married out of necessity or smth. It turns out sigyn can’t have children so Loki kidnaps a normal midgardian that looks “similar” to sigyn and plans to breed her to have his heirs.

Although Loki feels no real love to Sigyn, he feels bad for it and thus feels bad for the intense attraction he has towards the reader. He explains the situation to her and since Loki is so hot she is fine with him breeding her (not that she’d have a choice lol). This goes on for a week or so until she gets pregnant.

Reader inevitably falls in love with loki despite everything but feels sad for not being able to keep or help raise the baby. Little to her knowledge, however, is the fact that Loki has been falling for her as well. Maybe there can be a scene where the reader has been having some pregnancy blues and breaks down in front of Loki bc he hasn’t been there enough for her; he feels bad and spends the rest of the pregnancy comforting and coddling her.

For the end after the birth, Loki decides to screw the monarchy and end his unhappy marriage with Sigyn and get with the reader instead.

I understand if you don’t want to write this because it’s super lengthy and specific! No worries and have a great night <3

Bloodline

Rating: R with dark theme! Note: honestly i placed this in two parts and even then i wished it could be longer than a one shot XD only cause its such a heavy plot idea and a lot of ground to cover Lol hope it works for ya though ♥

The sound of pounding boots echoed through the palace halls of Asgard, indicating those in sight to stay out of the way and to not interfere, no matter how important the matter is. Loki’s cape flowed behind him while his helmet rested just above his brow, looking like every inch of power he had while holding the title as king. Yet what could have possibly upset him when he had exactly what he wanted? War? No.

His Wife.

Sigyn has yet again successfully pissed him off and he hated that it wasn’t even her fault. Per-say..

Honestly he would always love her, but his love for her had changed many centuries ago and so for him, unlike for her, he was fond of her as if he had fondness for a close friend. Any piece of affection she tried giving him, he would reciprocate but with an empty heart.

Its gone on for to long and every day he feels like he’s been lying to her, but leaving was not an option. They married for the thrown and Asgard required a queen, for heirs. So they’ve been trying. Trying for no damn reason.

It was clear that she was unable to bear children.

His heart mourned and hardened at the same time, hating he couldn’t provide her, nor his people the bloodline he was required to give. Until the idea sparked in his mind that very moment their latest argument ended.

He would merely find a mortal that resembled his wife and breed her. Their children would look similar as if Sigyn herself bared them and his people would never know the difference.

Mortals were disposable creatures anyway.

Finally reaching his own quarters- his old one anyway until he had to partake in the shared one, he made sure all doors and any openings were sealed with magic. No one would be able to enter or exit unless it would be through him.

his eyes flashed green before he raised his palm and a small mirror appeared before him, but no reflection appeared, just merely darkness.

‘’find me one. One who resembles my goddess, one who is able to bear an heir..’’ he mumbled before the mirror began to shimmer before producing a moving image of a woman who walked the halls of a Midgardian work building of some sort, but that didn’t matter. Loki’s focus was awe stuck at how close in resemblance she was to his wife, and fairly beautiful in her own way. Not bad, for a mortal.

‘’she’ll do.’’ He stated before the mirror grew to his size, stretching to full length before he took a deep breath and stepped through.

‘’fucking let me go!’’

Loki yanked her through the mirror, the mortal stumbling through by his grip strength, still in her short sleep wear- a reminder of where and when he took her, before he released her wrist, the mirror vanishing to prevent escape.

‘’let me intro-‘’

‘’I know exactly who you fucking are, Loki’’ she snapped, the fire in her spirit and eyes already making him like her more and more as she rubbed her wrist. ‘’news flash, you don’t kidnap people in their damn sleep. now return me right-‘’

‘’unfortunately your return will be impossible darling, your assistance is needed here.’’ he sighed, as if he had no choice in the matter as he used his magic to have his armor and cape vanish.

‘’what- I don’t even have any powers.. I’m useless to you-‘’ she stammered, aware of the temperature here and covered herself with her arms.

‘’in battle, yes. But Asgard needs a bloodline continued.’’ He explained, rotating his shoulders and neck as he spoke, his casual state spooking her more as if he was preparing for a fight.

‘’b-bloodline?”

‘’my wife cannot bear children, that has been confirmed. You resemble her likeness almost perfectly, my people will have no question on the child’s features.’’

Her body was shaking as she slowly took steps away from him, Loki not having to advance because the room was secure no matter where she went. ‘’you.. you cant do this- mortals don’t even live that long compared to you-‘’

‘’magic does not make immortality impossible, and will come quite in handy for you as well.’’

The more he spoke, the more her eyes looked on in horror as she breathing picked up, mind racing for excuses. ‘’-so you’ll just fucking show up with a baby??’’

‘’I will merely tell her I found the child and we will adopt. We will keep the information of the child not being blood to ourselves, so he or she shall not feel like they do not truly belong.’’

‘’like what fucking happened to you-‘’ she snapped and so did Loki.

Almost an invisible force had her on her back on the bed, keeping her there. A stream of cuss words began leaving her mouth before he raised his palm again and a silk, green tie wrapped itself to gag her, making her thrash her head to try to free herself while he strolled toward her.

‘’I truly understand your position darling, I really do and I deeply apologize. But aren’t you mortals- or at least those heroes of yours represented the greater good? Helping those who need it or something like that.. think that you will be helping a greater cause.’’ He explained, as if it would help as he got to the edge of the bed but didn’t make a move to free himself yet, to her surprise.

She glared at him, only able to move her head as her muscles tensed, feeling his fingertips move up her legs before gripping her night shorts, his fingers hooking onto her panties as well before pulling them down, causing her to try to fight again.

‘’I know mortals are very delicate things so I don’t wish to break you so soon love. I will do my upmost best to go slow and to make you fit me. Getting you wet would benefit the both of us as well,’’

he explained, his voice gentle as if genuinely trying to care for her and already felt himself hard by the sight of her. Her spirit is what merely attracted him to her first and it was amazing he didn’t take her in her own bed first but here it was much safer for the both of them.

Her legs were shaking, as of the rest of her beautiful body and half of him wanting to say screw the bloodline, but he fought to hard to gain the thrown just to lose it now because his wife wouldn’t get fertile. So with that, he moved forward and laid between her legs, her struggles against his magic doing nothing as he ran his tongue against her cunt.

This made her freeze, her back arch as if her body froze- not knowing what to do. Ignoring her reactions, he focused on his goal as he began to eat her out, his tongue and lips paying close attention to her clit while he now and again tongue fucked her.

 She squeezed her eyes shut, her body and mind screaming to different things but she was no match for his skills. He was by far, amazing, and her body thought so to as she held back tears with muffled whimpers, feeling herself get turned on.

Loki held back a slight smirk as he noticed it to but kept going, feeling her legs try to close themselves but he remained between as his hands gently caressed her hips and thighs. When her back began to arch more, he stopped.

This was merely a job, a duty, nothing more. If it was strictly based off pleasure alone, there was a higher chance of either of them getting attached, and a woman’s pleasure was the one thing that Loki loved to give.

Catching her breath, she looked with scared and glassy eyes as Loki crawled up her body and moved his hips between her legs. From her muffled cries, he knew she was pleading but he refused to try to let her stop him, even if seeing her like this made his heart skip slightly.

‘for Asgard’ is what he kept reminding himself and moved his eyes to her chest instead, refusing to look into her eyes any longer as he moved a hand down and freed himself. He’d have to move extremely slow as of to not injure her in the slightest, which is what made foreplay important if she didn’t get pregnant the first time, he’d have to repeat this action.

Her muscles strained against his magical hold, feeling him line up at her entrance and she only struggled more upon guessing how big he was by the mere feeling of his tip. She tried telling herself this all wasn’t real, how the hottest man she ever saw wasn’t the one who attacked New York, her people, who kidnapped her and now attempted to take advantage of her all to create another one of him..

There was no use. His magic was strong and there was no getting out. She could only pray that the child would come out not as cruel as the father as she closed her eyes and tried picturing herself with someone who actually loved her. When she relaxed her muscles, she tried forcing herself to not tense as Loki then began to push himself, inch by inch with a small pause between to try to help her adjust.

She was not a virgin, but he was by far the biggest she had ever seen and had. It hurt, and the foreplay did help, to her slight relief and sadness over the whole thing. She was stretched and the tears allowed themselves to far as her cries came with each time he pushed through. It was almost forever until he stopped moving and she knew he was to his hilt. Baring to look in his eyes, his own were closed while he panted, straining himself from rutting her wild. She hated to admit that despite it all, he was.. beautiful. Caring, even, if this was their first time together and not in a fucked up reality.

Her thoughts were interrupted when he took a deep breath and pulled out to the tip, before slowly moving back in without a pause this time. she gasped, her eyes lifting as her back arched, feeling the stretch again as she took deep breaths. At this point, all she could try to focus on was her breathing while he pulled back and moved forward, slow and steady.

She hated how slowly her body was adjusting to him, how more and more she got slick for him. her own body was betraying her and she wished that it hated him but at the same time, her adjustment was making the pain slowly go away and get replaced with pleasure.

Loki knew her body was adjusting and he began to increase his movement to a faster rhythm, his face contorting to pleasure as his lips parted and his fists gripped the sheets on either side of her. It was strictly a job.. but for a mortal.. she felt.. so.. good… he lost himself- and he fucked her fast, even gripping her leg up against his waist as he panted.

She gripped the sheets, her eyes fluttering as he seemed to stuff her and all she could do was take it. she swore she could almost seem him enlarge her pelvis every time he thrusted into her before it was suddenly- over. Her eyes snapped open as he moaned and felt warm liquid shoot into her cunt in large amounts. His limbs were shaking and he rested his forehead against her chest as he panted, slowing his thrusts to make sure she took all of him before he stilled inside her.

Even she was to exhausted to move- if she could as her limbs shook and felt him soften inside of her but he still made no moves. Not until both their bodies seemed to regulate themselves back to normal before he took a deep breath and slowly slid out of her, feeling his seed slightly trickle down between her legs as he put himself away and stood up. With a slight flash of his eyes, he released his hold on her, tie removed from her mouth as she took careful breaths but made no moves.

Watching her from where he stood, he took a breath and spoke slowly. ‘’I’m sorry little mortal… you will be brought three meals a day and will remain in these quarts. Drapes may be open but my spell prevents any means of escape of any sort. I will be delivering these meals myself and anything you might need. Every day I will fuck you and every day I shall check to see if we have created a child.’’

Through magic, she guessed.

‘’I have my ways of keeping an eye on you so please do not attempt anything stupid. Fight me, and magic will be involved in restraining you. I suggest you rest, I shall return in the morning.’’ He told her, his voice quiet but almost as expressionless as his face as he did not once look in her eyes as she had turned her face to the side to look at him while he had made his way to the door.

It wasn’t until the door was shut was when she then allowed herself to cry.

The past few days carried on like this, how he would show up to deliver meals and leave without a word or a glance at her before he would shortly return to have her stand. Most times he would have to use magic to have her cooperate, keeping her in place as he placed a hand on her tummy with closed eyes and used simple magic to seek out life. With every result coming out negative, he would fuck her.

Never giving her her own pleasure, he told himself he wouldn’t enjoy it either out of the equal rights of them both. Thus, he would fuck, not as so much as touch anywhere else before he would leave her stuffed and alone.

Days became weeks and fear turned to anger, cussing at him and throwing things upon him entering the room and she even tried starving herself. The fear of being under complete mind control by him to force her to comply is what made her cooperate, convincing herself she had at least that in control of herself.

It was pushing a month and that’s when she noticed her period was not on her mental schedule. Fear and relief flooded over her, unsure whether he would let her go if he finally got what he wanted.. it was only a matter of time before he would check her.

Loki came in, not saying a word as he shut the door behind him and strolled towards her before she raised a hand to stop him, causing him to throw an annoyed look but he raised a hand to begin using his magic but he paused.

‘’wait- I’m.. I think I’m..’’ she trailed off, almost afraid to even say the words out loud as his expression changed to almost a.. lightened mood.

‘’well.. we won’t know until we check.’’ He said quietly, the first words he had spoken to her in awhile as he lowered his palm and walked slowly to her. ‘’will you try to strike me today or do you think you can control yourself?’’

She ignored the annoyed feeling by his comment and shook her head. ‘’..i will not strike you.’’ She promised and sat on the bed behind her, resting back on her elbows.

Loki strolled towards her, confident that it wasn’t a lie considering what he was the god of. Standing before her, he leaned down and rested a hand beside her on the bed while the other rested on her stomach while he closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he concentrated while she stayed perfectly still.

While he used his magic, she couldn’t help but look at his face- call it her own little routine while his eyes were closed. He was.. beautiful. Cruel and beautiful. Damn him.. damn it all..

what was this feeling.. he was the only one who even gave her attention, as fucked up as it was to admit. She had no friends, no family, no lover.. which is probably why she gave up on being rescued a long time ago. If it wasn’t for his cruel intentions, she could stare of his face a little while longer if only he stayed.

Once Loki opened his eyes, he stayed leaning towards her, not moving as his features seemed to hold a gentleness to them, his eyes soft as well as his eyes. His stare almost made her nervous at the result and she glanced down at her tummy as if something else was wrong as she sat up.

‘’am.. am i-‘’

Loki then leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, her body freezing from the shocked reaction that overfilled her while he closed his eyes and moaned against her mouth. Before she could even register what was happening, he pulled away and stood with a blank expression once more yet his voice sounded more.. kind.

‘’you are pregnant.’’

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him, a hand immediately resting on her tummy as her lips parted, awe struck as emotions swarmed her, not knowing if she was happy, sad, if she were to cry to rejoice and.. rejoice what? ‘’i.. I am?’’

‘’yes.’’ He said gently and straightened, looking at her with almost an intense expression, she had no choice but to pay attention. ‘’with each meal you will be served, I will be giving you.. think of it as a.. potion. it will help the child grow healthy, for your body to adjust normally and for there to be no pain while you carry an Asgardian.’’ He explained and she slowly nodded, both hands on her tummy now as if she was protecting the child already.

‘’..okay..’’

Loki gave a small nod and turned, walking towards the door before he felt a grip on his cape, causing a brow to raise as he turned to see her eyes darting to the floor, her lip quivering as she slowly released him.

‘’..stay..’’

Part 2

[sarahwroteathing]

Drabble Request:

Sam, Cantankerous, Icicles

“I’m dying,” Sam announced loudly as he slammed the car door behind him. You frowned but couldn’t afford more than a quick glance as you hit the gas, taking to the icy streets at the highest speed you could manage. 

“Hospital dying or first aid kit dying?” Checking the mirrors told you nothing about any possible pursuit, but you hoped that the heavy snowfall would make you just as hard to follow. 

“I’m soaked to the skin; the muscles in my legs are all cramping from hiding out behind that damn warehouse for four hours; I’m so fucking freezing I think there’s an icicle hanging off my nose, and it was all for nothing.” 

“No one showed?” you asked as Sam cranked the heat up in the crappy little car until the vents started whistling. 

“No.”

You grimaced, taking a sharp turn that nearly slid you onto the sidewalk. The intel had been good. Promising. A real meeting of the creepy minds, people every last branch and shadowy division of law enforcement had been dying to get their hands on for years. You checked the mirrors again. 

“Have you heard from Bucky?”

“Not since we got there.”

You quickly plotted a new route in your head, one that would let you circle back to where Bucky’s borrowed car would hopefully not still be parked. 

“I’m just going to drive by and check,” you told Sam, reaching out to stabilize him with one arm as you took an even more aggressive turn. 

“I’m sure he’s fine. That asshole is probably back at the safehouse hoarding all the blankets and using all the firewood.”

You smiled a bit at the low, grumpy mumble but did your best to hide it. Sam hated being cold. He would have all the attitude of a napless toddler until he found a way to warm up again. 

“Then I’ll make him chop more. Promise. We’re coming up on the alley. Can you check for me?”

You flew by the mouth of the alley, barely slowing, but it was enough for Sam to see clear to the other side, unobstructed.

“He’s gone.” 

“Excellent. Hold on.”

Sam was unfazed by your reckless driving, bracing a hand against the door with a sullen but unpanicked expression. You’d never crashed before, and there was no reason to think today would be any different. This was one of the skills that brought you to the ragtag little team in the first place. 

Once you were safely away from the mission site and driving required much less of your focus, you turned some of your attention to Sam, still shivering and frowning in the passenger seat. 

“Glove box.”

Sam glanced at you for a second before reaching to open the compartment. A spare hat and pair of gloves were tucked inside with three hand warming packets. Without a second’s hesitation, Sam tossed his saturated gloves and hat into the back seat and donned the new ones, tucking an activated warming packet into each palm and shoving the third one down his sweater. 

“Thank you,” he said quietly, still frowning a little but not quite so severely. 

“I’ve got you,” you said simply, reaching one hand off the wheel to poke at his, admittedly very cold, nose. “And see? No icicles.”

Sam didn’t answer, but the face he made was so close to a smile that you didn’t let up quite yet.

“I’m not above bribing you into a better mood, you know.” 

“Mission failure doesn’t bother you?”

“We’re all alive, and we all did our jobs perfectly. Whatever went wrong wasn’t on us. So no, it doesn’t bother me. We’ll get another opportunity.”

“Yeah…” 

“But before that happens, we get to go relax. In a home we don’t pay any bills for. With three fireplaces. And an extra box of blankets I smuggled into the trunk.”

Sam perked up a little, finally looking at you.

“And I gave Bucky very specific instructions on where to pick up food on his way back, so there should be lovely, warm takeout waiting for us.”

Some of the tension eased out of Sam’s shoulders, and his head lolled back against the seat.

“Keep talking.”

“You can change out of your wet clothes and into something cozy and soft. And you can take a warm shower before bed. And then fall asleep while I cuddle you with such single-minded focus that you’ll mistake me for a weighted blanket. Or I can be your big spoon. Whatever you want.”

“You’re not messing with me, are you?” Sam checked.

“I would never joke about cuddling. I take it very seriously.”

Sam snorted, winning a triumphant laugh from you. 

“So, do you think you can stay alive for a few more minutes?” you asked, reaching out blindly until he grabbed your hand.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

[feladi-fority]

Happy Homestuck day everyone!

Fuck, insane I'm still obsessed with a comic THIS OLD but what can you do.

I feel like people often focus on what Homestuck did poorly or just discuss the characters or the comic abstractly, so in this post I wanna go into a bit more detail about what I think this comic did really really right which I'm yet to see done in other media.

The dialogue is just fantastic. Hussie really knows how to write naturalistic internet style dialogue and it breaths life into characters which otherwise are very flat. So many of the characters are objectively very simple but the dialogue is just so good they still feel like real people. Like Nepeta is objectively very boring, but the dialogue made her feel real enough to make past me kin her.

The format gets a lot of attention for using flash animation and games, but I think the real biggest strength of Homestuck's format is the pesterlogs. I read through Kill 6 Billion Demons a bit ago which is a very similar comic to Homestuck and despite loving it I found I didn't grow nearly as attached to the characters as I did HS. The reason I've come to as to why is that in K6BD the standard comic formatting just doesn't allow natural the characters to be normal people and have normal conversations without totally killing the pacing, so to maintain a fast pace it has to keep that to a minimum. In Homestuck, however, the pesterlogs allow characters to just kinda talk about whatever for normal amounts of time while not requiring the plot to just stop around them. John can ramble about his love of Con Air while doing important ectobiology shit. This gives the audience time to get to know these characters while maintain the lightning fast pace of acts 3 and 4 and a bit of 2 and 5.

The time travel, holy shit like I have NEVER seen time travel done so well, I used to think I hated time travel in media until I read this comic. The comedy gotten through time-traveling chat clients and the use of stable time loops for the story is just so masterfully done. The fact HS manages to have very few plot-holes in terms of its time travel internal consistency is seriously impressive compared to other stories featuring it. I crave so badly a story which can reach the peaks of the lil' Cal reveal and the conversions Karkat had with Karkat.

The fandom hooks. Like most stories are out here letting the fandom do some shipping or have a fun set of factions or a magic system to sort their fav characters into. Homestuck is here quadrupling the potential ships. "My story has 4 elements and what element you have is determined by your personality" Homestuck has a character personality sorting system with 336 possible combinations. Your story has one cool unique world to imagine being in? Homestuck has several. How would your fav react in the Hunger Games? How would they react to their entire planet being destroyed and being sent into a game designed to allow personal expression as much as possible! The lore is also overcomplicated but it does a great job at helping the audience through it. Like fuck this shit was crack to my neurodivergent ass.

The [s] pages were fucking AWESOME, like I am yet to feel the emotion the best [s] pages did since I finished reading the comic for the first time. The complexity of the storytelling means that when it's being told visually you need to actively interpret what's happening, causing strong moments of "oh shit!" when you realize what you just saw, further making an already awesome animation even better!

The way the comic mythologized the feeling of growing up online was so fucking cool to my terminally online ass. It made the worldbuilding feel so much more compelling than similarly complex fantasy worldbuilding ever has.

I might have missed a few things Homestuck did really well I'd like to bring up so I might make another post later, but like, damn. Homestuck was an incredibly unique work and I haven't seen anything like it since. One of my goals in life is to make a work that makes other feels how this comic made me feel cuz nothing has scratched that itch for me, but who knows if I'll succeed at that.

Either way, happy 413! I'm a derse sylph of heart btw <3

[katyspersonal]

Ogay now your turn, who was your blorbo(s) before???

Damn... This is a harder question than it seems, because it is... hard to remember? My brain got SO rotted with Soulsborne world that I legit am forgetting how things used to be before that? It doesn't help that my feelings about the character and how much I talk about them / do for them do not always match! As a result, I have three types of blorbos:

1) The 'real' blorbo: The one that evokes the most feelings and I actively fantasize about being with, one that sparks yearning and attraction and consumes the most of my thoughts, but I won't do enough with

2) The 'productive' blorbo: The one which I practically breathe life in and create entire story and world for when canon didn't provide much and/or this character is unpopular. They often become crucial part of my online identity, or JUST my identity o_o'

3) The 'fanmade' blorbo: It is either an AU version of the character, an interpretation so unfitting and far from canon vibe that it almost works as an OC, or JUST an OC. I actually love/hate this one, because this is the asshole that will always make me stray from working on canon!! They will make me focus so much on them that depending on the nature of the character, I will forget the canon vibe in my love for this version or will forsaken general source material to join an AU/RP where this character is. Let me focus on canon-palatable creativity and stop wasting my time, dipshits!!

So, to give you the idea, in Bloodborne, type one would be, of course, Micolash, Edgar and Maria (but mostly Micolash)! Type two would be Rom and Izzy. And since recently my Laurence is between 1 and 2 because he is really S E X Y but also I have to create everything for him xD. Type three would be... uh...

My previous "fandom" was UTDR, but that stay was a little short-lasting, since Deltarune is work in progress and Undertale did not have the same grip on me. In there, my type one blorbo were Rouxls Kaard and Mettaton! You can tell I love the flamboyant sexy man with fake depth, fair level of depravity but not evilness, and intelligence of a brick dshhfdsdds My art never felt good enough to capture Mettaton's confident energy, however, I'd like to show this fanart of Rouxls:

Type two blorbo were Mad MewMew, Catti, and Diamond King! The latter two were sort of underdeveloped in canon at the time, and for MewMew I actually had a bunch of things, and even RPed as her for some time! Developing Diamond King was quite fun, though he was dangerously close to type 3 because of AU stuff where HE was the bad guy and not Spade King (and Catti was the 'monster' of the prophesy). Besides, we did give him a wife who is not getting used in canon but exists in the cards deck that WAS used for the 'cards'.

(EDIT: I made these sprites and I forgot that I made them and not Val o_o" Because it's been a few years ago + I am scatter-brained. Oh jeez)

And type three happened when I delved into helping to work on an AU for Deltarune, a project a passionate person started in hunger for completion of Deltarune, following after Chapter 1 and ignoring everything. Basically, attempt to finish the game that had AMAZING story and characters! I lended many designs, ideas and characters for it, improving it very significantly. I no longer work on that project and gave all rights to my designs and creative solutions to the developer, but it was FUN. And like I said, distracted me from the canon-palatable creativity. And helped me to finally come to terms with the fact that I am way better at nurturing, supporting, editing and improving someone else's projects than creating my own. It was a long time coming realisation considering how half of my drawings for any fandom used to be fanart of other people's ideas and OCs or fanart for our RP plots. Not something that can happen in this fandom because... you know. But yeah, I've always been the guy that would draw a pile of everyone's OCs/interpretations in the community, or help someone with no coherent design idea to GET that design down!

...ak-hem, where was I? Right, blorbos. So, the 'fanmade' blorbos were, of course, our version of Diamond Queen and... this BITCH:

This is Ace of Hearts! And Insight joke is actually something I just made up, since I made this guy before I knew anything about Bloodborne! It aged like fucking milk, hahahahaha!! To give you the idea of what I had to do to design the Aces, here are the cards by Kanotynes that Toby was using:

These are the face cards ( x )! If you saw Deltarune's chapter one, you can see how and which designs were used, and which changed.

And this is the only image of all cards I can reliably find ( x ). You can see that number cards were de-personalised and are just various things. So what I did was combining the face card look and find a way to "fuck it up", since Aces learned A LOT of 'Chaos' and not only part of it like Jevil (and now Spamton)! Here are the rest of them:

You can tell, even in healthy forms, they'd still be a bit... 'strange' compared with face cards. Ace of Clubs in healthy form would have only one head and one horn, and his 99 Insight Chaos version has 11 heads each with one peace of their body or face... And Ace of Diamonds would be a snake with 'umbrella' skin, which is nothing like other Diamond suits!

I was the one to insist that we have Aces in the project, conceptualised them, designed them, wrote them lore etc. And Ace of Hearts was my favourite, and also the scariest one. (of course I like the most creepy one -_-) It was also the first situation where I got obsessed with my OWN non-canon stuff... although, technically, they are no longer mine, since I passed the designs and right to write and use to the owner completely. Maybe it is to the better, as I moved closer towards enjoying my own content more!

(Idle sprites I've made back then!)

___________

Thank you for listening and giving me nostalgia, lol xD

[curedeity]

If you’ve got any, 17 for the fanfic ask?

17. Do you have any other writers or works that inspire you (i think that was the question i didnt copy paste)

Yes always and inspo is one of my favorite things to talk about!

One of my first writing inspirations was the Percy Jackson books, and that phase of my life still kind of influences the genres im interested in writing and the like. I read a lot more novels when i was younger so i remember having more distinct favorites back then. As for novels right now, Id say Kelly Barnhill is one of the bedt authors ive recently read. Her narrative style is quite captivating, her chapters are short, and there is always a slightly different progression than i imagine there being. Ive only finished "the girl who drank the moon" but i started both "iron-heart(ed?) violet" and "when women were dragons". I wish i still used goodreads so i could go theough a list of what books id read recently, but i wanna quickly mention ve schwab. Her books are hit or miss and not always the best but damn sometimes she puts out a banger, and when she tries she can have an impeccable narrative style that leaves me breathless. Sometimes i also like reading neil gaiman works. They both intrigue and inspire me somewhat but i dont think to the same extent other authors have

Now that was JUST novel inspos!

A lot of my main writing inspiration actually comes from podcasts. Welcome to Night Vale was a huge early writing inspiration for me, introducing me to a surreal style of writing that i love getting to develop. Wtnv and other productions by its team are often so stylish that it is impossible to not be inspored listening to them. I think wtnv and within the wires are my faborites on a writing level.

Cant forget the magnus archives, the narration is very slick and the interconnected plot growth so well done, along with really good and intriguing inpersonal dynamics that never failed to offer something intriguing. I never finished season 5 but i remember listening to just some of the first episodes and being awestruck at how stylish the writing was.

Then there is unwell podcast! One of my favorite pidcasts to discuss on a writing level, it has so many ups and downs, but one thing i will give it is having great character voices! There is not a single character that doesnt speak distinctly and the dialogue flows so well, being one of the best parts of the show. Id love to be able to write character voices as well as they do.

For tv shows now!

Madoka Magica has squickly become a huge writing inspiration for me. Honestly, more like the crown jewel of great writing. I cannot praise madoka magicas writing enough. Its thematic unravelling is so layered, its character writing gripping, its way of writing narrative parallels and foils impeccable, and just. God. Incredible. I cannot explain how much i want to be able to write on madoka magicas level. But madoka magica is the only show ill mention bc the other stuff i watch is often shit.

Uhhhhhhh for video games... i havent played that many yet sorry. While i love pokemon, it isnt a writing inspiration, and most games i play dont speqk to me like that.

And then comes the format thet is probably most applicable... fanfic...

Ill admit i read a lot of fanfic, but i dont actually think that many inspire me writing wise, so ill take a second and just focus on beyblade to say Val was my biggest inspiration to write beyblade fanfic in my fandom early days. I was inspired by some of the stuff she did, and especially some character dynamics (madoka and yuki) but realized i wanted to do incredibly different things. So i think her inspiration wasnt so much of "oh god i love this idea and characyers and synamic and plot" but just like, more of a realization of what i might be able to do with the characters as a whole?

Also wanna drop that Sadie has an impeccable writing style omg im literally eating it up i need it. Sadies art is also a huge inspiration for me to the surprise of no one who has seen Hikarus Adoption Agenda.

[roninkairi]

Quick Review- "The Super Mario Bros. Movie" (SPOILERS ALERT)

Anyone who knows me already knows how much of a Mario fan I am. Hell, my family could probably tell you some wild tales about my Super Mario Bros. addiction during my grade school days. But even the announcement in 2018 that Nintendo was going forward with Illumination to make an animated feature length film based on their flagship franchise made me more that a little overly cautious; after all their previous effort (the live action 1993 film) did not exactly do them ay favors either (and while were at it, the TV shows, while memorable, still leave much to be desired). This also is not the first time that the Mario Bros. would be in an animated film (Back in 1986, there was an anime called “The Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach!”, which never got a US release. Doug Walker actually reviewed it so if you want you can look it up)

Fast forward to now. The movie has now made about $600 million at the time of this review and has yet to be released in Japan. I have a feeling though that after it is released it will make a lot more. And I’m not just saying that because I’ve personally seen this movie twice. That’s something I very rarely do as far as my movie theater habits go  and if I do that its most assuredly a sign the movie in question is worth my time.

“The Super Mario Bros. Movie” serves as an origin story for the two Brooklyn born plumbers, the plot being straightforward and simple much like the mainline Mario games: the two siblings somehow find themselves whisked away into another parallel dimension and get separated, with Luigi ending up in the Dark Lands and Mario landing in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario enlists the aid of Princess Peach and, along with Toad, sets off to save Luigi from Bowser, the king of the Koopa tribe, who just acquired the Super Star. The group journey to the Jungle to enlist the aid of the Kong Army, led by Cranky Kong and his son, Donkey Kong.

As I mentioned before, the plot is pretty straightforward and to the point: at 92 minutes there is quite a bit going on and it comes at you fast. Not too much time is spent on character development for certain individual members like Luigi and DK. We get a revelation about Peach’s backstory (not being from the Mushroom Kingdom is certainly an eye raising reveal) and hints about the relationship between DK and his dad, but its not really a focus. You get the sense that Nintendo wanted to play it safe with the story, but at the same time you want just a little bit more. Thankfully the story is enjoyable as it is, and has enough humor, action and equally touching moments to sustain itself. A lot has been said about the choices for casting in the film and for me, while the choice of Chris Pratt was very questionable when I first heard about it I was glad I took a wait and see stance to it. He did quite a good job in the role and so did Jack Black as Bowser in all of his evil, kinda hammy. Scene chewing role. Of course, his demeanor changing whenever the subject of Princess Peach being brought up is also VERY notable. I mean dude practically sung a love ballad about her (TWICE) and stole the damn Super Star just to try to impress Peach. I can understand that though, given how she is in the movie. Princess Peach, voiced by Anya-Taylor Joy, serves as Mario’s guide and possible love interest in the movie and instead of being the person who has to be saved for most of the adventure, is the more action oriented and confident character accompanying Mario. If the prospects of Peach jump kicking Bowser, using power ups and generally willing to throw down with a gang of Koopas at a wedding reception seem to be alien to you or out of character, I will assume you have never played Super Mario Bros. 2…

…or Super Mario RPG…

…or Super Paper Mario…

…or any Mario Party games…

…or Mario Strikers…

…or Super Smash Bros…

…or the Mario + Rabbids games.

You’re lucky I didn’t even mention the stuff she did in the Super Mario Adventures manga! Anyway the point is, she is pretty darn awesome in this film. Fred Armisen’s take on Cranky is…well…ok why does he sound like Larry David? I half expected to hear "Frolic" by Luciano Michelini play when he got caught oy the Para Koopas on Rainbow Road.

Visually, the movie is animated very well and does a great job of animating the worlds in great detail, including familiar locations from across the games that you may immediately recognize. There are also TONS of audio and visual easter eggs and references not just from Mario history, but Nintendo history as well. (Quick show of hands, who found the Wave Race reference? The Hidden N64 Controller? Who found Mr. Game and Watch or recognized Disk Kun) The movie happily, and with no shame, throws in all of these nods to Nintendo’s past and I have no issue trying to find them all. Which says a LOT about my attention span. There are 4 different licensed songs used in the movie though but their inclusion doesn’t really detract from the enjoyment. (Ok 5 songs. One of them is directly tied to Chris Pratt and another certain movie series he is involved with.)

The movie is not exactly perfect and that’s ok. I was not expecting a huge scale thought provoking movie that makes me question the motivations of humanity (I’ll save that for whatever DC movie comes out next) I just wanted a fun adventure anyone and everyone can enjoy. And this movie certainly delivers on that.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s8e23 sacrifice (w. jeremy carver)

are we gonna make nic cry (it's a low bar but s7 finale managed to not make it)

JODY It's not a date till I've cried.

we're definitely leaning into full on bad guy crowley this season. i liked when he was more ambiguous. maybe he'll help, maybe he'll fuck everyone over. dragging jody into it, now. all right

not me feeling more emotional about bobby's scrapyard than i did about seeing actual-bobby again

CROWLEY Nice try, squirrel. Moose is doing these trials. Moose signs. DEAN No, no. He's not signing anything until I read the fine print. [SAM yanks the pen from DEAN] SAM I can read it. DEAN Hey, you wanted me here. I'm here. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him screw us even more. CROWLEY What's this? Trouble in paradise, boys?

crowley's turning into a bit of a caricature. too much of a good thing maybe

DEAN I can do this all day, 'cause you know what? Damn, it feels good! But sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours. Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick. CROWLEY [to SAM] What's he mouthing on about? SAM You're the third trial, Crowley.

a) ignoring any bitch implications b) you know i really dislike torture but even i got a little vicarious satisfaction from dean punching him c) i've got a hodgepodge of demon dean/mark of cain nebulous plot awareness that's on the horizon but no idea how they come to pass, so my mind keeps wandering wondering if this or that is related. focus!

CASTIEL Yes. Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime... ...or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination? DWIGHT Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.

sir, this is a wendy's

lovely shot but it feels like the shiny happy people version of s1 true detective which is on the brain because of this video of a deleted scene i posted a bit ago which is just (gorgeous) extended moody atmospheric location shots of coastal louisiana set to appropriate music

SAM Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win. I'm good.

TAKE IT BACK, SAM.

dean's just trying to help!

the sick damp puppy look is just too precious for words. dean, give him a hug and some soup

lovely lovely. even more true detective s1 vibes (that season of that show was one of the most beautiful things... southern gothic atmospherics off the charts. ugh. i made an edit with it and hannibal because the rust cohle is will graham is rust cohle of it all)

true detective s1e2 seeing things

DEAN Anything? You've been gone long enough. CASTIEL No. There was one female, but... DEAN What? CASTIEL ...I don't think she was female

heavy sigh. transphobic jokes are evergreen

followed up by dean being flabbergasted for .. 10 seconds? that the cupid love match thing was two men. fuck you, show. i know, it's nothing new. but back to back, i'm exponentially annoyed

and i'm so disinterested in this heaven business i'd never looked up naomi's actress. she was sam carter on sg1! totally did not recognize her without the blonde hair. i didn't watch a ton of sg1 but enough to be quite familiar with the mains

stargate sg-1 amanda tapping as samantha carter

anyway. back to sam being half dead and abaddon smoking out (was it red? they did this with crowley too and i wasn't sure it wasn't just the lighting on the black smoke)

again the twilight/zombie looks good on him

this crowley thing.. this whole girls (tv series) speech his voice is higher pitched and the accent changed? what is going on

and are we supposed to be feeling something about crowley crying and wanting help from sam with asking for forgiveness? the time given his speech and music says yes, but my brain says excuse me what now. offering his neck up like bella, mushy music swells

DEAN Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam. SAM So?

glad i knew that was coming

okay so i've watched this whole church scene several times now trying to figure out why it's not hitting any emotional buttons. padalecki is working his ass off and doing amazing and i'm getting nothing from jackles, subsequently i'm feeling not much of anything. did they break my emotions? which is extra weird because the text of this conversation is like.. romantic catnip? should be breaking and remaking my heart and yet...? just for a hint at the end the music reminded me of the expanse and THAT made me feeling a little something. so, like a broken record, i'm blaming this partially on the musical score.

SAM Look at him. Look at him! Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this! DEAN Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you. SAM You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember? DEAN Come on, man. That's not what I meant. SAM No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again. DEAN Sam -- SAM [beginning to cry] What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another -- another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just –

like this really should be stabbing me in the gut and it's just not and it is such a shame because really, padalecki is doing so good with it. damnit, show, what did you do

DEAN Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.

"don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you" like hello, feelings, this is insane, where are you

the only part that worked for me is the little handfasting moment

do not to get to see this soft smile very often

DEAN Just let it go. SAM I can't. It's in me, Dean. You don't know what this feels like. [DEAN wraps a bandanna around Sam’s cut.] DEAN Hey, listen,we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on. DEAN Come on. Let it go, okay? Let it go, brother. SAM Hey, Dean. DEAN See? [ SAM Breathing shakily then Sam doubles over in pain. DEAN brings SAM outside the church. ] DEAN Sam? I got you, little brother. You're gonna be just fine.

calling him brother and little brother in one go

apparently i've forgotten already how cas and megatron left things in the time i spent trying to wrap my head around my (lack of) emotional reaction to the church thing. ah right, it was a spell, needed castiel's grace. that's why it's raining angels

the music, the effects.. this all hit the right notes at least. reminded me a smidge of stranger things with the music and rain and the car and ominous things happening in the sky.

see, imagine this show, but with the music of stranger things. like, really well done music cues, not just bad generic weird fake rock blues whatever and classic rock because we have one character note about his musical preferences and we're gonna ride it into the ground. i'm so bitter about the music in this show letting it down! lol

so why did fandom glom on to the spelling of cas? since it's pronounced cass. and is cass in the captions and scripts. having never heard it but seen it a bunch, i assumed it was going to be pronounced caz. cass too feminine?

(for the record one tear came from the expanse-like musical cue and i don't think spn gets the credit for it. i'm stunned, honestly)

so sometimes, i will admit, i have a kneejerk dislike - or anger, of something that seems irrational considering my shipping preferences. like, in 2x11 playthings and sam honestly looks like he's about to kiss dean, i was mad. i felt like they were baiting this thing that would never go anywhere, i was pissy about the gay jokes in the scenes prior at the front desk. now with separation and seeing 6 more seasons, i see how they actually have often stuck to this plausible deniability romance dynamic between them and made it more textual without making the impossible full commit to gay incest on the CW.

i don't think that's what's going on with me and the church thing because i'm not like freaked out->upset->pissy, i'm just... not feeling it. super weird

trying to keep a list of the horrifying results of castiel's attempts to do the right thing.... there's just so many 🤪

[simplystefanie-rae]

Do I just do bullet points, like???? also why is the text functions so fucking different, c'mon man

people band wagon hate mike wheeler for almost (key word, almost) no reason

worst thing mike did this season was refuse to support lucas just because he had an interest outside of their nerd shit, but dustin and eddie (EDDIE, an adult, couldnt reschedule the fucking dnd session??? youre an adult and lucas is just trying to find a foothold in high school, reschedule your stupid game!!!) are equally guilty but they get no shit for this

mikes probably a little oblivious (regarding wills feelings) but that's the worst you could really say about him in this situation. It's not like he can read will's mind. i will say they could have did that scene better in ep 8 where will is crying like right next to him in the van and mike supposedly doesn't hear him even tho it was super obvious. He was clearly meant to not hear him, so maybe they should have blocked that out better.

I was really hoping will was asexual/aromantic for some good honest rep (last season I swore up and down that was the direction they were going), but eh, whachu gonna do. This still works well enough. I'm curious where they're gonna take his character and this arc next season. I am looking forward to him getting back into the thick of the plot.

The nancy/steve plot confused the fuck out of me the entire season and i still can't really pinpoint... the point of it. From steves perspective I totally can, but nancy's side of things (and subsequently jonathans) i just got huge fat question marks over it.

i loved steve/nancy in season 1, was disappointed they decided to break them up even though they turned steves archetype on its head, but was willing to compromise for a thruple cuz like...cool. I coulda dug it. But they never did it (mainstream media really aint about poly relationships yet which is a shame), and learned to like nancy and jonathan well enough that to rehash this in season 4 with one season left seems... i don't wanna say questionable, because this has to go somewhere, but if it's just to reaffirm nancy and jonathans relationship while steve is just left to move on, again, i will be wondering why they bothered. You could say the point is for nancy to reject the idea of a typical suburban family lifestyle, but she already did that in season 1 so again...why? Definitely dug the tension between her and steve tho, and all his vulnerable moments with her. I'll enjoy it while it lasts lol

LUCAS. god, lucas. I hope they continue to give him great material next season because damn have they been sleeping on calebs acting. the only time i ever teared up this entire show was when he was holding max and crying out for his sister, which was improv!!! I hope he has a damn good storyline next season, he deserves it

i do have issues with some of his storyline this season tho. his stuff with max was amazing, i wouldnt change that for anything. but i really feel some type of way that they had his friends NOT go to his game... and wrote this in a way where lucas was in the wrong by framing his interest in basketball as a shallow quest for popularity. That is such shit, especially after they had a line where lucas said he was doing this because he was tired of being bullied, which is very understandable, tho i don' know why they couldn't simply have it as him really loving basketball since he seems to actually enjoy it, but i digress. I was waiting all season long for a scene between him, mike and dustin, where lucas got to be rightfully upset with them for ditching him when he stressed how important it was to him. But instead, naturally, we got lucas telling jason he was wrong for looking up to him and wanting to be like him... like look, just because Jason turned out to be a...bit of a dick (more on him later) doesn't mean lucas was wrong for wanting to focus on a sport he really liked and wanting his friends to support him in it. There was no way for him to know that the basketball team was gonna pop off like that, that's such manipulative writing and i hate that kinda shit. #justiceforjocklucas the team needs more jocks anyway!! steve cant be the only one punching the shit out of things

....i really zoned out of joyce and murrays storyline, it was just so boring compared to what was going on in hawkins. Hoppers was good tho, especially when he got to play off of enzo (forget is real name, antonov?) tho i do think they could have left him dead, it would have freed up so much more time for other characters that desperately needed it (mike, jonathan, and will most notably)

i got more to say but ill do it in another post, don't want this to be super long. I have stuff to say about max, el, vecna, eddie, chrissy, and jason

[anonofseasons]

Just some thoughts/worries about Seasons.

I write for myself, and I know I can't please everyone so the only person my writing needs to focus on pleasing is me. But that doesn't stop me from being a little bummed out that recent posted chapters have mostly only resulted in dropped subs and even bookmarks, and I'm rarely getting any comments. Which is feeding an internal worry that it's a mess? I know my writing is good, mind, but being decent and working hard at writing doesn't mean I'm perfect. What if there are inconsistencies I'm not seeing? (As for the quality, I damn well know it can fluctuate, no matter how hard I work at it. Some scenes come easier than others. I've had to accept that about my writing.) I also anticipated lost interest early on, which is why I have been posting like 20+ chapters behind what has already been written. I saw comments hoping for Vivian to die/Howie to never go back, others hoping the fathers would redeem themselves. I'm sort of ambling in the middle, because the fathers are trying, but not hard enough. Meanwhile, Howie is unhappy going back. Not to get too personal, but I've been promised a lot of "for the better" changes by family and partners, and they may want to change, but they're unwilling to ever put the work forward. (I'm actually about to be single again for this very reason.) As a kid, this meant I just kept suffering. It's unrealistic to me that anyone would reach betterment easily, especially Vivian. It's not impossible! This is fiction, after all, but... I'm out to write characters with depth, not rush a plot forward. That's how I opt to write, and that's not for everyone. (And that's okay. Again, it's for me.) I think my actual concern here is that I've been looking at how long these conversations between this family are, and how many chapters they take up, and it's fair to be bored of it. That's a part I agonized over before I shared, and I worry that doubt came through even after all the heavy editing I did to fix it. I love writing, but that doesn't make it less hard to do. There are always parts of stories that are trickier than others? I just hate that I'm letting my self-doubt creep up on me. I've been putting that further and further behind me as I've gotten older, but I've always tried to write what I want. I've had way too many people try to tell me what I should and shouldn't write. The only person anyone should ever write for is themselves. Who do you choose to please, if pleasing other people is the goal? That said, I think criticism has its place, and this is very much one of those situations where I worry I've fumbled on the delivery. Like maybe there's something I could have done better? I'm still having fun writing Seasons and everything else I work on, but I have one confession to make about all of this: it's so much easier to write than it is to share that writing. Haha. Seasons has 56 chapters and counting, and I expect fluctuating numbers and interest, as all stories tend to have. I know that experience as a reader! I'm just having one of those self-doubt moments, but it's more a worry of, "What could I be doing better?" It's that desire to always give my best, even if the story isn't monetized. (Fuck, honestly? Most of my work is collecting dust. I have tons of finished stories that I haven't posted or published at all. Those are between me, my hard drives, and the one friend I send my backups to in case of my death.) Sorry for whining a bit here. I'll be okay! Just have seen Seasons subs drop since mid-January and have wondered if there's an issue that needs fixed or just merely the nature of writing. It could easily be both. I have no idea. It's a strange state of mind. :')

[two-am-outlines-only]

Soulmate September

Series Summary: Written for the Soulmate September challenge. Every day is a different soulmate au prompt and ship.

Part Summary:  Roman worries over how to tell Patton xe wants to explore their soul bond. Xe should have known better than to doubt.

Prompt: Body part glows when touching soulmate

Ships:  Royality (Patton x Roman)

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1286

AO3 link

Part Two: My Favorite Parts

“M&M’s?”

“Yes please!”

“What about chocolate syrup?”

“Duh.”

“Logan would have a fit.”

“Logan follows the food pyramid too strictly for his own good. Besides, we both had…a healthy dinner. Pepperoni and mushroom pizza has most of the food groups on it.” Patton draped his arms over the back of the couch, watching with sparkling eyes as Roman prepared their popcorn. Roman pretended xe didn’t notice and bowed xyr head more to feign concentration. Xe loved Patton with everything xe had but sometimes a person wanted to get M&M placement right without admiring how cute xyr friend was being.

The placement didn’t matter of course but tonight was special. Fate would forgive xem for procrastinating with the way xyr stomach rolled with anxiety. Tonight xe were going to tell Patton xe loved him, and ask if they could take the first step in strengthening their bond. Xe had waited years to be sure xe knew how to tell Patton exactly what xe loved about him. Loaded sweet popcorn and a movie was hardly the most romantic way to do it but after mulling it over, the private intimacy of just the two of them sharing the moment seemed the ideal way to go. There was also the confidence that Patton’s consent would be given freely without the intimidation of any prying eyes pitying a potential rejection- Roman had never understood people who asked to further a soulbond in public.

Shaking xry head slightly to clear xyr thoughts xe refocused on the bowl and realized xe had used an entire bag of the chocolate to coat the popcorn...and there was still the matter of the syrup. Heaven help xem stop xyr mind from wandering from even the simplest of tasks. Xe were fairly used to getting lost in thoughts whether thinking about school, xyr job or following different plot bunnies from xyr latest creative endeavor at any given moment but today’s musing were truly getting out of hand. Thoughts of Patton and every single possible outcome had run through xyr mind from the moment xe had laid down the night before to xyr frantic last minute panic call with Logan to now and- well there went a fourth of a bottle of syrup.

Patton liked things sweet anyway- naturally considering well, everything about him. Hopefully the overly zealous snack wasn’t a deal breaker when it came to the ideal partnership in his eyes.

“You okay?”

Twitching hard enough to nearly append the bowl into xyr lap, Roman turned and grinned sheepishly, setting the sticky snack down between them on the couch. “Of course! I’m just...a little more lost in thought than usual; I apologize for worrying you.”

Patton smiled and shook his head. “No need to be sorry, just wanted to make sure. Planning a long night?”

Roman followed his gaze and winced at the state of the popcorn- more chocolate than kernels really- and gave a half hearted shrug. “I enjoy our time together. You can hardly blame me for wanting to extend our hangout in any way I could.”

“Oh!” Patton turned pink and looked away, reaching instead for the remote even as a smile brightened his face. “Any requests?”

“Whatever you like.”

Roman couldn’t have paid attention to the movie if xe tried, though xe did find it endlessly heartwarming that Patton had put on xyr favorite Disney movie for them to watch. He always knew when something was bothering xem and tried his hardest to help in whatever way he could- subtly be damned. One more thing that had had xem hopelessly smitten since middle school. The cheerful colors and familiar songs did help to release some of the knotting that had been tying xyr stomach up, allowing xem to focus on finding the perfect moment to-

“Hey Patton?” Xe blurted without thought, inwardly kicking xemselves for not having the barest hint of a filter. The movie was already paused however, with Patton turned to him with a soft smile and a hand out should xe want it for comfort. The sight nearly made xem cry, self doubt curling in xyr gut as xe wondered how it would feel to have the other man scoot away in disgust, never wanting to reach out again for fear of Roman ruining it.

“Take your time, it’s okay.” Patton sat back slightly but kept his hand out, Roman still refusing to take it as xe fiddled with their own instead.

Taking a deep breath, xyr movements still and xe looked up, not quite meeting Patton’s gaze. “I like you more than a friend. And I don’t know exactly what that means and I don’t want anything to change between us but I know I never want to stop talking with you and hearing your puns and making things with you so I was wondering if I could- if we could- you don’t have to agree of course but I-”

Roman had never stuttered so much in xyr life. Xe had always imagined this moment being big and romantic, just xem and xyr loved one together after a candlelit dinner and a flamboyant speech in which xe named every single thing xe had ever and would ever love about the person. The nature of the soul touch was such that when you touched someone with the intent to bond, you touched your favorite attribute of that person, sharing a glow only those in the bond could see. It was someone no one saw until they found their person, and while Roman found xemself unpredictably out of xyr depth xe knew xe had made the right choice.

Patton was still looking at xem through xyr brief turmoil, shock morphing slowly to barely restrained glee as he frantically nodded and scooted forward. “Roman yes. Please, no matter if things change or not I want to stay by your side.”

Reaching forward hesitantly as Patton scooched forward a little more, Roman took another steadying breath and gently swiped a thumb under Patton’s left eye, gasping in shock as a swirling glow of ruby moved under it and over his nose. It swept under his right eye and curled at the corner, never settling as it shimmered like iridescent glitter in a stream. Xe laughed lightly as Patton’s eyes crossed to see it, a massive grin overtaking his features even as his gaze flickered with curiosity.

“My eyes?” He asked.

“For how you see the world in such a beautiful way, unshakably positive even in the darkest of corners.” Patton had always been an optimist but even beyond that there was beauty that could be persuaded out of everything he set his gaze to. Rare was the occasion that something would fail to bring him joy, and Roman admired that endlessly.

Smiling wider, Patton reached forward and took xyr hands in his, kissing the knuckles softly as brilliant blue encased xyr fingers.

“It’s easy to see things that way when your hands create such lovely things. Not only your creations, but the comfort you offer- how can I not see the world as beautiful when you make it such a wonderful place to be in?”

Roman laughed, nearly on the verge of tears as xe leaned forward to hold Patton close. “I’m supposed to be the romantic one how dare you encroach on my territory!”

“I can compete sometimes.” Patton laughed with him and relaxed, burying his face into xyr neck.

“We’ll have plenty of time for it.” Even as xe said it, it hit xem that xe had the rest of xyr life to shower Patton with as much affection as the man could possibly hold.

Roman couldn’t wait to keep score with xyr soulmate.

[joeys-piano]

5 Favorite Fics I've Written

Tagged by the legendary @voxofthevoid to self-rec things I've written that I thought were pretty good. The following were selected because they showed my range as a writer. Not only in style and plot and characters, but how hot messes I thought I was going to give up on made it to the finish line and fucking served. I'm very proud of them.

I'm tagging my criminal in friend, @feu-eau, because she's doing great and terrible things. And I mean that in a comedy way. She never fails to make me laugh.

---

Sasaki and Ogasawara Discover Friendship is a Beautiful Thing | Sasaki & Ogasawara (final rereadings, before posting)

Some of you might know this story affectionately as "Dude Bro & Queer Bestie", and this is hands down the most favorite thing I've written this year. It's a friendship story following a straight guy in his realization that his friend is probably gay and how the dude navigates that and the relationship advice his friend is asking him for during their lunch period on the school roof. And it's hilarious, kind of cringe, and pretty heartfelt in certain places as this straight guy tries his best to help his friend out in their love life. And he doesn't get it, really, but he wants them to feel happy. And it was just a good time writing this and getting to show a dynamic I don't often see in the creative scene.

Remind Me When It Rains | Sasamiya

I was on drugs while writing this, because there's no way I was not because I finished this in about 10 days. From concept to final draft. Like what the fuck, I'm a slow writer. The story came easily like a second skin. And it was fun for me, personally, because I got to be nostalgic about a relationship I had years ago when I was a young queer. And getting to write what love was like back then was something, really. And a treat, even. This is one of the few stories that really touches on a personal experience. And gave me closure in a way. I could look back at that time in a more fond manner if I wish. I liked that I got to incorporate a greek play into this, and just be wild and write the way I used to when I was young, but with all the things I've learned since then. What a treat.

False Idols | Vash & Nai

I wanted to write Vash shooting Nai and actually hurting him. So that jumpstarted everything else. And I also wanted to improve my dialogue game, which nearly make me DNF this whole project at several points because dialogue is my weakest point. I - I can write dialogue, if I have to. It's not my favorite thing. I don't talk to people in general. But I wanted to write this in such a way that if only the dialogue was available for you to read, it would still tell a complete story. So I tried. It's been years since I wrote a non-slash fanfic, and this was very fun because I get the relationship. I have an older brother who makes my eye twitch. So it was just a done deal getting to write a non-romance for once, and I think my writing comes off more genuine because I could focus on other things. I didn't know if I could write this story, but I'm very happy with what I managed.

You Find A Way | Dreamling

I started this fic on a vacation, pretty much on the other side of the world from London, England. And it started off as a word game. A "who am i" sort of thing. I love the concept of The Oldest Game, and a part of me thinks the oldest game is keeping your loved ones a little longer. So I wrote the cutest thing I wanted to read, and reading it is like taking molasses and spreading it thickly over a cracker. It's my favorite dreamling fic I've done for sure. It just shows the decadence and the cozy and a little bit of my domestic humor.

Damn, You’re Reckless | Grimmichi

By far, the most ambitious beast I've willingly worked with. It is a 5-beat fight scene featuring 12 POVs, 11 goon characters who I had to make distinctive enough from each other for this gang fight, told in 2nd person, over 15k words, and wrote this as I graduated from college and recovered from a minor surgery. At least as a concept, it seemed impossible, and I've never written anything like it. It's a lot of things happening at once, and you're in an adrenaline ride with no stops. I almost didn't finish this, because it pushed me so much as a writer. On the third fight beat, about 5k into the work, I didn't know if I could make it. It was so hard. I knew the ending, but I didn't know the directions to even get there. There was so much happening in my life at the time that I honestly thought this thing would kill me. It was just this monster of a concept that I really wanted to write, and I didn't think I was good enough to tell the story I wanted to tell. But I wouldn't know that until I tried. So I did and eventually finished. And because I can't animate anything, I adjusted my writing style for a visceral experience. This is one of my favorite works because it showcases how dynamic I am as a writer. Especially with characterization, I had 11 goons I had to flesh out for as long as they were the POV. And that was honestly my favorite part, because now I have 11 more ways to write for assholes!

[moisummertime]

I am not done changing Out on the run, changing I may be old and I may be young But I am not done changing

John Mayer - Changing

the past few days I've been rereading my old blog. I tried to see what I went through all those days where all I did was just crying every night, torturing myself with the thought that no one would never makes me happy like he did and blah blah blah. And reading that from the perspective of I am now feels weird and strange. I felt bad for what my old self had to go through, and all those days where she just had to be trapped in the idea that she doesn't deserve love was damn... I somehow glad I am right here, right now, in this state where I just surrender to whatever the universe put myself into. If I'm not fine now, I'll be fine later. I always be.

Revisiting those days somehow also make me feel more empowered and confident. Like I saw I went through those shits, I'm confident enough that can go through everything in this life. It wasn't just me, if things go wrong, everything take part in make that plot twist. Life isn't just suddenly feel jealous of you and want to see you suffer. Earlier today I had a talk about how uncomfortable changes can be, but change is just the only thing that is constant in life. Change of age, change of place, change of heart, change of emotion, the wheel of life will keeps going around, the earth rotate, and everything constantly developing and evolving. There's always new way of every part of life.

Comfort is temporary, and it's the only thing that disillusion people. Thinking that good days stays, but suddenly a tornado just destroy everything entirely and you have to start over. again. And the cycle never stops.

On the other side, the catastrophic days isn't gonna last forever. good days come, you'll see the sun again. You'll find yourself in comfort again. But then again how you respond to changes matter. So when things change, I'll just accept it. Okay, so what's next? Whether I divert my focus or embrace that change for a bit to feel the sense of it, that's def depends on me. I probably panic first for sure and getting some anxiety attack but it's not gonna last that long. My confidence ass knows what I can do better in such situation.

Having a priority.

Am I sad and anxious with the recent change at work and my personal life? Sure? Am I gonna drown it it? maybe a little bit. What I can do to make my life get better? Take my ass into that driver seat and start driving to the direction where I can and confident to go.

I'm for sure right now is too old to just seek temporal validation from men through social media, online dating, and even bar/club. I like when recruiter just spamming my LinkedIn messages and even asking me connection. Like it's so fucking noisy these days omg get in line people *blushed*

What's important to me now is to advance my career and get a lot of money. Thanks to my parents who never spoil me and my mom who always said that I shouldn't rely financially on anyone especially men (Thanks Dad for making my mom feel that way). So yeah, that's why although I met a lot of rich men, they're too boring for me. Like I need passionate person who chase his dream, fun, kind, and smart. The least thing I expect from their kind is money. Personality goes first ;) And def, the most important is connection. I might dated a lot of guys. I can count with 1 hand fingers how many men I have connection with. It's that rare, yes. That's why I appreciate it when I get one.

But then again, although love isnt my priority right now. Id welcome it if I were blessed to have it. Just because I have priority doesnt mean I neglect the other things in my life. Its like juggling. Everything takes turn to be on the top. You dont just spend 1 day focusing on work. Theres time to eat l, to chill, to spend time with your loved one, to get some quality me time. With some practice, we can do it.

I mean any radical shift that happen in life, it's definitely better to ride along with it. You see the wave comes, you surf. Always have a surfing board with yourself so you know what to do. Experiences is like a surfing board. Let's be honest, we all have gone through so many radical shifts in life. Breakups, covid, cheating, relocating, new job, death, etc. I don't know how people handle changes, but I always try to learn from it and add the experience to my library so I can use the reference to move forward in life. And the learning never stops. Of course, Im still well and alive so it will never stop. def gonna stop once I die hehe.

I remember I had this Tarot reading back in early 2021. Tarot reader is my best friend in navigating life. They don't predict your future, they just give reading of the card and help you be more mindful in navigating your present life in so you can be better in future.

Some psychic can see future but well, no one knows exactly. Because if you watch avengers and the ancient one explained how timeline works, your choice will determine it. So I got several interesting card in that sessions.

Seven of Swords, Page of Swords, Temperance, Empress, and Queen of Swords.

A lot of Sword cards. Sneaky, agile, nurturing, feminine, and Independent.

Im reading that again and see myself now. This woman was fucking right. I forgot about this reading and I was like... mindblown. My sad ass in 2021 seems like following her advice to navigate my life those times.

And the intuitive message that I got... maybe that's not that I'm "Spiritually Sensitive." I just read patterns better ;)

Growing older never feel this empowering. Wait, is it what it feels like when they said about someone who got their shit together? 😂