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lucifersresources · 1 year ago

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taylor swift // the tortured poets department : the anthology rp meme. part one. part two here.

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!

fortnight.

i was a functioning alcoholic.

i hope you're okay.

no one here's to blame.

but what about your quiet treason?

for a fortnight there, we were forever.

i wanna kill her.

all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february.

i took the miracle move-on drug.

the effects were temporary.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating.

i wanna kill him.

the tortured poets department.

i think some things i never say.

you're in self sabotage mode.

i've seen this episode and still loved the show.

who else decodes you?

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

this ain't the chelsea hotel.

we're modern idiots.

you awaken with dread.

i chose this cyclone with you.

i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be.

who else is gonna know me?

that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys.

here we go again.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys.

i'm queen of sand castles he destroys.

i should've known.

we could've played for keeps this time.

i know i'm just repeating myself.

he runs because he loves me.

i knew too much.

there was danger in the heat of my touch.

he saw forever, so he smashed it up.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

i felt more when we played pretend.

he stole my tortured heart.

told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

down bad.

did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust, just to do experiments on?

i was the chosen one.

this world is bigger than us.

i knew cosmic love.

for a moment, i knew cosmic love.

now i'm down bad.

everything comes out teenage petulance.

fuck it if i can't have him.

fuck it if i can't have us.

they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you.

for a moment, i was heavenstruck.

i was heavenstruck.

i loved your hostile takeovers.

how dare you think it's romantic.

fuck it, i was in love.

fuck you if i can't have us.

so long, london.

i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift.

i pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away.

my spine split from carrying us.

i stopped tryna make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you'll find someone.

so long.

i didn't opt in to be your odd man out.

i founded the club she's heard great things about.

i left all i knew.

you left me.

i stopped cpr, after all, it's no use.

the spirit was gone.

i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.

two graves, one gun.

i'll find someone.

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

my friends said it isn't right to be scared every day of a love affair.

every breath feels like rarest air when you're not sure if he wants to be there.

how much tragedy did you think i had in me?

just how low did you think i'd go 'fore i'd self implode?

you swore that you loved me.

you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?

i died on the altar waiting for the proof.

you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days.

i'm just getting colour back into my face.

i'm just mad as hell coz i loved this place for so long.

but daddy i love him.

i forget if this was ever fun.

these people only raise you to cage you.

these people try and save you coz they hate you.

they slammed the door on my whole world.

but daddy, i love him.

you should see your faces.

floor it through the fences.

no, i'm not coming to my senses.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.

he was chaos, he was revelry.

stay away from her.

the saboteurs protested too much.

i'd rather burn my whole life down.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin'.

i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace.

i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing.

god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me.

they think it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

it's just my choice.

scandal does funny things to pride, but brings lovers closer.

we came back when the heat died down.

fuck em, it's over.

time, doesn't it give perspective?

no, you can't come to the wedding.

he's the one i want.

fresh out of the slammer.

i'm running back home to you.

he doesn't understand me.

handcuffed to the spell i was under.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

now that i know better i will never lose my baby again.

my friends tried, but i wouldn't hear it.

he kept me going.

i swirled you into all my poems.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake here.

florida!!!

they said i was a cheat.

this city reeks of driving myself crazy.

your home's really only a town you're just a guest in.

can i use you up?

me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time.

i'm haunted but i'm feeling just fine.

i did my best to lay to rest all of the bodies that have ever been on my body.

i need to forget.

tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable.

love left me like this and i don't want to exist.

guilty as sin?

this cage was once just fine.

am i allowed to cry?

what if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my mind?

i keep recalling things we never did.

without ever touching his skin how can i be guilty as sin?

there's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk.

we've already done it in my head.

i've screamed his name.

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly.

i choose you and me religiously.

who's afraid of little old me?

you don't get to tell me about 'sad'.

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

nothing makes me feel more alive.

who's afraid of little old me?

who's afraid of little old me? you should be.

the scandal was contained.

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

is it a wonder i broke?

i was tame, i was gentle, till the circus life made me mean.

don't you worry folks, we took out all her teeth.

they didn't do it to hurt you.

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me.

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome and i'm wretched and i'm wrong.

you caged me and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am coz you trained me.

i can fix him (no really i can)

the jokes that he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud.

i can fix him.

i can fix him, no, really, i can. and only i can.

he had a halo of the highest grade.

good boy, that's right.

i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel.

trust me, i can handle a dangerous man.

loml.

who's gonna stop us waltzing back into rekindled flames?

we were just kids.

i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed.

i felt aglow like this never before and never since.

you and i go from one kiss to getting married.

we're never quite buried.

you told me i'm the love of your life.

you blew in with the winds of fate.

you took me to hell too.

you shit-talked me under the table.

i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all.

should've let it stay buried.

our field of dreams engulfed in fire.

you're the loss of my life.

i can do it with a broken heart.

she's having the time of her life.

i can show you lies.

i'm a real tough kid.

i can handle my shit.

you gotta fake it till you make it.

lights, camera, bitch, smile, even when you wanna die.

he said he'd love me all his life.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

all the pieces of me shattered.

the crowd was chanting 'more'.

i was grinnin' like i'm winnin'

i was hittin' my marks.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so depressed i act like it's my birthday every day.

i'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i keep finding his things in drawers, crucial evidence i didn't imagine the whole thing.

try and come for my job.

the smallest man who ever lived.

was any of it true?

now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal.

i don't miss what we had.

could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?

you hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

were you a sleeper cell spy?

in fifty years, will all this be declassified?

confess why you did it.

good riddance.

it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins.

i would've died for your sins, instead i just died inside.

you deserve prison, but you won't get time.

you said normal girls were boring.

you were gone by the morning.

in plain sight you hid.

you are what you did.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

the alchemy.

this happens once every few lifetimes.

what if i told you i'm back?

i'm coming back so strong.

i'm the one to beat.

the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me.

who are we to fight the alchemy?

clara bow.

did you know you'd be picked like a rose?

i might die if it happened to me.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

beauty is a beast that roars.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

#lyric rp meme #rp sentence starters #lyric sentence starters #rp meme #rp sentence meme #music rp meme #sentence starters #rp memes #lyrics rp meme #music sentence starters #taylor swift rp meme #taylor swift lyric meme #taylor swift sentence starters #the tortured poets department rp meme

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ask-kimerako-therapycarpool · 2 years ago

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((Moderator announcement: Since I couldn't find any motivation left to continue this final OVK showdown/Kimera's version of "Let's Fight to The End" on this blog, let do a summary of what happened after the previous point I actively worked on the asks then a sort of time skip, so let's get cracking shall we?))

—————

[Just as OVK becomes fed up with Kimera and his TKO interfering with his plans to dispose of the two in order to take permanent control of the body and erase the identified of the boys, they formulate a plan that instead of fighting OVK with physical force, they opt to combat him with words. Even positive reminders about themselves. They fling verbal attacks at him, saying to him– that things and thoughts shall pass– meaning that they both tell him that he's only temporary and not worth the effort. This in turn, starts weakening OVK in power and violent intentions. That they tell him that he'll also pass. OVK refuses to back down, and desperately continues to try to assert dominance. Desperate to last as long as he can. But Kimera and his TKO don't allow him as they continue to overpower him more and more. They still verbalize that he will never be able to mold their individual beliefs and actions. And being inside their head, they also visually make their point: by causing OVK to shrink dramatically in size, presence, and his potency diminish. Chains are even formed exclusively for him to pull him down back into the subconscious. As OVK panics, his plans having been foiled, he claws his way out, but to no avail. He screeches at the boys one last time a furious sounding,

“YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU NEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

before finally locking him up in the hole he came from, permanently banished from ever seeing the light of mindscape day ever again.

KO and TKO then proceeded to celebrate in triumph and throws themselves into a big, genuine, heartfelt hug. They take a moment to recount everything they went through up to that point, and then... everything around them glows. Even the boys themselves start to glow, being lifted up in the air. This exchange basically remains the same:

"It was that easy, huh?"

"Took us long enough to figure it out...!" 😊

The same thing also retained has them give a final handshake, the chain shattering, signifying the deal being broken once and for all. Kimera returns to his body and back to reality, at last merged into one, true, whole person. He wakes up, realizes what he did to everyone. He gets a visit from the P.O.T.U., things go exactly like in the episode's canon. Yes, he wishes everyone back to life. BUT. He also wishes for his gauntlet to be no longer a faulty, prototype, but a fully functioning one. And with the addition of forever deleting the DNA scan of Mercury and wiping the overloaded monster transformation from existence.

So to answer a question such as:

Then yes, they're miraculously alive! He's alive.

(That's right, he now has the option to delete any scan he previously made!)

Things are all and well again and is now able to use both KO and TKO abilities to his full control.]

((And as for the therapy carpool timeskip, read under the cut.))

[Since everything got wished back to normal, on what would've been session 70 (since he didn't go and he was dealing with his own series finale event), he tells everyone he knows (including the anons so for the sake of the timeskip, let's imply that) that he plans to take a few weeks off therapy so he can adjust to things. Adjust to being merged. He then returns to therapy around session 75; his first session as a freshly merged KO. He reveals himself to the others that he has officially merged, only to find out the clients (and therapist) didn't seem celebratory about it like he was hoping, which leaves him fairly disappointed. He then goes on to attend the subsequential sessions:

- 76 (the AU!KO and AW!KO trial)

- 77

- 78

- 79

- 80

- 81

- 83

- 84 (the last trial– the one he did with therapist KO)

- 85

The following session I'll timeskip too would be either 87 or 89, so be on the lookout for announcement posts!]

#ask-kimerako #ask-kimerako-therapycarpool #merged kimera #tales from the multiverse #therapy carpool #therapy carpool canon #major timeskip: several weeks after the event ends and post-merge #angst #long post #long reads #so event timeskipped and over i guess?#consider ovk defeated

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dailycharacteroption · 4 years ago

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Conversion Corner: Various Gaming Races part 4

Sangheili (Halo Franchise)

I’ve never played a Halo game outside of multiplayer mode, but I have over the years absorbed a lot of lore from the series.

With that in mind, I figure I should try and convert one of the classic alien races from the franchise to Starfinder.

The sangheili, or “Elites” to use the term commonly used by the human forces during the Human-Covenant war, are a species of reptilian humanoids with large, impressive builds, four-mandible mouths, and digitigrade legs that were one of the first species to ally with the “Prophets”, forming the Covenant.

This allyship was not a clean one, however, as it was born out of warfare with the Prophets over ideological differences about how the relics of the “Forerunners” were to be used, ultimately forced to capitulate to them once the Sangheili realized they would be forced to abandon their own beliefs and use Forerunner tech to actually have a chance of winning.

Since then, the warrior race has served as the soldiers and guardians of the frail San’Shyuum, even as other species were added to the Covenant. However, despite their loyalty, they were always in a position beneath the Prophets, subject to their whims, a fact that came to a head when the rulers of the Covenant condemned the entire Sangheili species to genocide after the guards of a Prophet failed to prevent his death.

Not on board with this extermination, the Sangheili broke free of the Covenant, joining with humanity to fight back against the dogmatic genocidal tyranny the Covenant had become, as well as their deluded religious mission which the San’Shyuum had obfuscated behind treachery and lies.

Long past the war with humanity, Sangheili have continued to be strong allies to humanity, sharing a deep respect for them as selfless and courageous warriors.

A note on their physiology. The multi-part mandibles of sangheili would seem to imply that they evolved from quadrupedal predators that hunted much smaller prey, using those trap-like mouths to grab prey with ease, though they have long evolved past such needs.

Culturally, the Sangheili are a warrior race that emphasize might over technological and scientific pursuits, which was only exacerbated by their time as part of the Covenant, which had a tendency to pidgeonhole entire species into specific roles in the function of the whole rather than judge by individual merit.

What’s more, traditional Sangheili culture is a bit of a divergence from stereotypical warrior culture in that rather than viewing scars injury as honorable, they instead view them as dishonorable, since they tend to view their blood as their “warrior essence”. Therefore, losing any of it to injury can tend to drive Sangheili into a rage bordering on suicidal, charging into the enemy with no regard for their safety. Heavily injured Sangheili tend to opt for honorable self-termination rather than face the indignity of surviving with their honor lost, though this may change with exposure to humanity and other races outside the strict hierarchy of the Covenant. This does, however, mean that doctors are considered some of the lowest social tier in their society, as they cause a Sangheili to shed blood without even the honor of combat against a worthy foe to offset it.

Interestingly, while traditionally only male sangheili go to war, the females remain competent warriors, training so that they act as the final line of defense should war ever come to their homes.

Sangheili

Ability Adjustments: +2 Str, +2 Wis, -2 Cha

Hp: 4

Size and Type: Sangheili are medium humanoids of the sangheili subtype

Atheletic: Sangheili gain a +2 to Acrobatics and Athletics checks.

Blood Rage: The first time per combat that a sangheili takes damage to their hit points (not stamina points or temporary hp from force fields or other sources), or suffers a bleed effect, the sangheili may choose to enter an enraged state as a reaction, gaining a +2 to melee damage rolls and Will saves, but a -1 to AC saves for 3 rounds. While in this state, the sangheili cannot use abilities that require concentration, such as spellcasting, as well as Dexterity, Intelligence, or Charisma-based skills except for Acrobatics, Intimidate, or Piloting. If the sangheili is a soldier with the wrathful warrior fighting style, they may use any abilities from that style as if they were frenzied while in this state. The benefits of blood rage do not stack with Frenzied Fighting otherwise. After using this ability, a sangheili cannot use it again until they have taken a 10-minute rest to regain stamina points.

Military Upbringing: Sangheili gain a +2 to Culture checks to recall information about military tactics and history.

Sangheili Senses: Sangheili gain 30 ft. Blindsense (scent)

#starfinder #conversion corner #conversion #race #sangheili #halo #halo elite

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hoe-doroki · 3 years ago

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Before I actually say my piece, I'll just start off by saying that this probably won't functionally change anything for y'all but still, here's my State of the Union for 2022.

In 2022, I'm going to be taking a temporary break from writing for the bnha fandom to return to the oft-alluded-to WIP that I've had hanging over my head since 2015. It's a fic that I had intended to finish in 2020 before I was sucked into bnha, thinking that bnha would be a temporary pleasure, like the dozen or so other fandoms I've written for outside of my original main.

Of course, that hasn't been the case, bkdk have stolen my whole heart, and there simply isn't room for anyone else. That means, more or less, that this WIP of mine has to be finished now or potentially not at all. And so I'm opting for now.

What does that mean for this blog? Well, virtually nothing. I'll still be hanging out here, and it's not like I'm that chatty anyway, so it'll mostly just be the queue doing its queue things. But it does mean that I may not write any bkdk fic for many months. It means that I certainly won't be working on the big multichap that I've been chipping away at for a few months now. I may pop in with a oneshot now and then, as an addict is wont to do. In that case, then there truly might not be a difference here at all. But if it's not the case, it means no new content for months. It pains me more than it pains you.

I'll leave it there. I'll still be reading, still be recc'ing, but I'll be dearly missing our boys, and I can't wait until I'm back to them and to you with my whole artistic soul <3

#nobody asked ana

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fandom-hoarder · 4 years ago

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listen I have so many questions about Stanford Sam, like this kid who was raised in the wild, barely aware of acceptable social conduct arrives with his 2 ectoplasm stained t-shirts at his dorm and like ????? is he very aware of it at first? or does he think he's hiding it well? and like moving in with Jessica?????? he doesn't know how to water plants and that you have to pay electricity bills ??? Like obviously he's not stupid, we know that!! But there are certain things about ordinary everyday life that are just impossible to pick up when you're raised like that. And this is just surface-level stuff, like I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how many tiny things I do in a day, just normal life stuff that I've always done, that Sam would be like ???? so weirded out by, or maybe creepily fascinated ??? Would he try and copy everyone around him maybe??? and then all the odd things that he'd probably do !!! like just basic marine survival nonsense he's dad probably taught him applied in mundane life situations that would make him stand out and he wouldn't even notice !!! And he thinks he's doing fine, people seem to accept him, but then suddenly someone mentions like... TRL or something and he's like ??? and then Dean picks him up and it all falls to pieces, because it's so EASY and ingrained and he doesn't have to pretend and it puts it into perspective how not okay he was doing at Stanford even when it felt like he was ?? god I'm just rambling, like I barely even have headcanons, I'm just so overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how this would play out !!!!

Holy crap, first I wanna apologize if this has been sitting here awhile. The Ask notification location in settings instead of notifications on the app is so weird and I get them so rarely I don’t think to check. (and the website shows that I have 4 but this one is the only one it’ll show? How does tumblr work? Oh yeah, it doesn’t lol.)

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on this! But they’re not necessarily cohesive?! Like first we all know Sam is super smart. He’s curious. He’s inquisitive. But he’s also sheltered in weird ways. There are things he’s known about the world that most people would never know about, let alone kids his age at any given time; yet the existence of those things--and the understanding that therefore potentially anything could be real--also lends itself to keeping him childlike--he had an “imaginary friend” at age nine and believed in the Easter bunny through age eleven, which is much later than the average probably???

By middle school, he definitely would’ve been feeling the strains of his otherness around his classmates, even if they weren’t constantly moving around, but of course the nomadic lifestyle just makes it even harder.

I think Sam is a very observant person, though. He figured out something was up with their dad and The Truth at age 8! So people watching is Sam’s saving grace for getting along in the mundane world. He definitely learns to mask his otherness by mimicking mundane people.

And I get sidetracked here because then I start thinking about exactly how their childhood went. We know John used Pastor Jim and Bobby as childcare/parenting support to some degree. I don’t think we really know anything about Caleb, maybe I’m forgetting something, but my headcanon is that Caleb functioned as a “fun younger uncle” type to Sam and Dean: cool, responsible in a pinch, but mostly not given childcare responsibilities because of his wilding tendencies. (they learn swears accidentally from Bobby and John, but Caleb TEACHES them.) Sam and Dean didn’t even know about Missouri until s1, so she’s off the caretaker list. They had that babysitter they met up with in uhh... Swap Meat! But largely we assume that Dean had a lot of the caretaking responsibilities; maybe with temporary babysitters in other places the same as Swap Meat.

And lbh you just can’t expect well-rounded, informed child-rearing from a kid only four years older. There’s a reason I associate a lot of weechester flashbacks with Sammy watching TV like in Something Wicked, because literally little siblings are A LOT and sometimes you just want them to sit still and quiet and leave you alone for a bit omg.(wait, give me a minute, I’m imagining little 6 year old Dean on the phone with Bobby because John ran out for food supplies and isn’t back yet and Sammy is still asleep but Dean’s creeped out in the longterm room they’re staying in because he KNOWS about the supernatural already. but then bobby gets on John’s case about it--and instead of never leaving Dean alone with baby Sam again, Dean learns from John’s belt not to call anyone when he’s left alone unless it’s an ACTUAL EMERGENCY. Or maybe, because marine, John doesn’t use his belt; maybe he uses PT instead and every time Dean thinks about calling Bobby for that reason again, his abs ache from the memory of punishment situps, or his arms get suddenly shaky thinking about doing pushups til he just couldn’t anymore.)

I haven’t read all of John’s Journal, and I know it’s not actually canon, but IIRC the bits that I’ve read from the wiki show John and the boys staying with a family friend in Lawrence for a few weeks, MAYBE a few months before John visits Missouri and everything STARTS. I think if he hadn’t picked up and left with them then, the family friends would’ve been contacting CPS because they’re starting to think John’s grief is making him unhinged. (I really want to read the journal tbh--there are bits I’ve seen that make me fantasize even more about boyking!sam storylines... but I’m getting even more off track.)

So we’ve got this weird/interesting dichotomy of kids that are groomed with these hyperspecialiizations, too weird to really fit in with other kids but sheltered from the actual hunter life also--like the fact that there ARE other hunters, like as a THING, not just their dad’s rando friends that, as kids, they may just assume know about the supernatural because their dad told them! (jfc they’re SO PRIMED to be each other’s entire world omg I’m gonna die)

So like, by being quiet and observant (an imaginative kid, by nature and by nurture as John starts to take Dean out more and leave Sam alone with his own thoughts), Sam would pick up a lot of things. But they’re never anywhere long enough for him to fully grasp everything and he would definitely suffer a bit from the Dunning-Kruger effect--not having enough knowledge about a thing, but having just enough that you don’t realize you don’t.

Let’s say Sam observes and picks up some things about normal residential life by being around a few mundane babysitters. The nature of John’s “work” would mean that, even if they were in a more in-home-daycare-like situation, they’d be likely to be the “after hours” kinds of kids that are still there when everyone else is picked up and the babysitter would normally be doing their normal life stuff: changing clothes, cleaning up from the daycare kids, making dinner, etc (sam and dean would definitely help, either out of kindness or duty or because it’s agreed that if they help out John will get a discount on their care costs--don’t mind me, just projecting my childhood onto the winchesters hahh. I’m NOT going to go off on a tangent about Dean already having so much experience caring for babies cuz of Sam. He definitely doesn’t have all the under-4s following him around begging for attention while he burps one of the three babies their babysitter cares for after a bottle. it DEFINITELY didn’t make Sam (age 4, 5, 6 maybe) jealous enough to repress the memory so that over a decade later he would claim that Dean doesn’t even LIKE kids.)

Uhh... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Sam. Observing normal life. Anyway so maybe after things settle for the day, sometimes a babysitter will sit at the dining table with the weekly bills and their checkbook and do the bills. And Sam kind of loves things like this: it feels like something important; it feels like playing school before he was old enough to go (quick aside here: John totally enrolled Sam in school early, both because that’s the only way his age works with canon timeline and because it would make life easier if Sam was in school just like Dean--more cost-and-time efficient.) And maybe Sam goes and sits at the table and just. Watches.

And then he asks questions. When he’s curious, he doesn’t keep his questions to himself as a child (unless the subject is expressly forbidden: see Dean’s reaction when Sam brings up Mary). But his age would inevitably limit the scope and understanding of those questions. Adults are generally disinclined to fully explain the adult world to children, especially when it comes to finances, and in the 80s and early 90s?? With most of the adults of that time that I knew, those kinds of questions were considered rude and nosey. He might understand that adults have to pay bills; he may even understand something about utilities; but he wouldn’t necessarily understand all the requirements and frequency.

Though their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t stable by any “normal” definition, one thing to be said about mostly living out of motels is that your power is never cut off, or your water, or your heat. There’s always television, usually with cable. And the only form of payment you see going on is dad handing over cash or plastic at the front desk--one and done. My headcanon usually disallows the idea that they would’ve squatted in empty houses when Sam and Dean were kids (John makes plenty of bad decisions but I just don’t see him staying in a place without power or water with CHILDREN. Teenagers? SURE.) They would learn how to clean house and make proper beds even when it wasn’t always necessary with housekeeping available--both because of John’s military parenting style and because John would be most likely to opt out of daily housekeeping to lower the risk of having people ask questions.

So yeah, there are so many little intricacies of the mundane world that Sam wouldn’t be conditioned to even think about. Even the realization that he doesn’t know enough about regular life, as he grows up and longs more and more for that very thing because he’s never had more than a glimpse of it, wouldn’t necessarily be enough.

Would his natural curiosity lead him to ask those questions? He can’t ask John because he already asked Dean and got a dismissive answer because ‘what does any of that matter, Sam? we’ll never have to worry about that shit.’ and if Dean seems borderline offended by the sheer audacity of the questions in the first place, he knows John will be worse.

In the 90s, life skills were still kind of a thing in most U.S. schools. But in a really inconsistent way. Sometimes it was in health class curriculum; sometimes your math class would actually do a short focus on balancing a checkbook and banking if there was a chapter, but a lot of times those parts get skipped. You never use the whole textbook. Sometimes life skills was only in Home Ec, but H.E. was completely elective in my area when I was in middle school (the same exact years Sam would’ve been in middle school) and I’m assuming the same for most of the U.S. Sam may have taken it, or he may have taken something else instead (wood shop or computer class were the alternatives in my area). Maybe the nature of school hopping meant that he HAD to enroll in Home Ec, because resources for the other electives were finite, but somehow always managed to miss the bills and budgeting portion. Maybe he couldn’t even take Home Ec due to class size or resources and they just put him in a study hall for that period. (Maybe they put him in the computer class, where he mostly does book work until he gets a turn on the PC he has to share with his classmate.)

As an observant person, Sam totally would’ve known about TRL, I think. There’s no way at least one group of kids in the halls or lunchroom wasn’t talking about it every day in high school, especially with the advent of Britney Spears and Eminem and Jesse freakin Camp. Maybe he goes to someone’s house to try to hang out or to study and they turn it on and Sam watches raptly because it’s such a strange phenomenon and he hardly ever gets to hear new music, much less watch the videos. But he can’t actually get into it because the fangirls are annoying and his analytical mind won’t let him suspend his disbelief about how the voting works. (Maybe he tries giving it another shot in their motel room sometimes, but Dean vetoes that bubblegum pop shit IMMEDIATELY--no Sam, look, that shit isn’t REAL music; most of them don’t even play instruments. And it’s really not fair because Dean TOTALLY watched MTV’s The Grind in the early 90s for his fix of suggestively gyrating bodies before he figured out how to access porn without getting caught.)

Sam and Dean actually make a LOT of pop culture references, which always fascinates me. I imagine they did a lot of TV watching and VCR/movie renting in the times they weren’t working on a case with/for their dad (projecting again; my dad’s house was a very boring place on his weekends). The nature of Dean’s idolization of John and disinclination to let Sam have his own separate likes means they have a mix of age-appropriate pop culture knowledge and a lot of Boomer-era TV and movie knowledge--Dean more than Sam, maybe when it comes to things like cowboy movies and TV lol.

Anyway, as the realization that he doesn’t really know how anything works crept in, maybe Sam would try to lowkey create situations where he could ask his friends/his friends’ parents those normal life kind of questions. But maybe after his first few tries, he’s become so uncomfortably aware of how weird he is to even need to ask that he stops asking. Maybe he starts to tap into his specialized skills and starts snooping/creeping around their houses to try to glean knowledge. Maybe he scours the library for books on ‘what you need to know for life’--I have the urge now to do a google search on actual titles of books on this subject that may have existed at the time, but I’ve already spent a lot of time on this without going into research spirals. lol Maybe he can’t find exactly the things that are pertinent--still doesn’t fully realize that, though--and in the meantime his cache of esoteric knowledge continues to build.

So he gets to Stanford and he mostly understands how the financing works; enough to get by with enrollment and stuff. He understands that he’ll need to get a job of some sort to make ends meet because he’s there to be normal and normal people don’t pay for everything with scammed credit cards and billiards money; he knows that much. But he doesn’t really know about wages, minimum wage, freaking payroll taxes, etc. (I feel like Dean would’ve had odd jobs as a teen, some legit some under the table, but that the nature of John (and Dean) wanting to keep Sam home and safe would’ve made the subject of Sam working through high school a banned topic. And anyway, much as I’m not a fan of the characterization in Drag Me Away (From You), what Dean said to Sam about the impossibility of getting into college with the way his academic career would look is accurate. So Sam would’ve probably spent most of his free time on academics so he could get the fuck out, rather than trying to get a job.

Maybe having to buy his textbooks would be a surprise? John probably always qualified for Sam and Dean to be on free lunch/free book programs in public school, not to mention the likelihood of the records being at least partially counterfeit. But at the same time, John was probably very hands off with their school enrollment crap once the boys were old enough to handle it themselves, so Sam would at least have an inkling.

Sam would be a weird mix of no-boundaries and too-secretive, and his first attempts at acting normal would be a bit too put-on. He’s got experience acting per 1x16 (oh, maybe he did drama instead of home ec somewhere lol), but acting on stage is so much different to acting in a more personal setting. On stage you have to exaggerate your movements to project all the way to the back. Early-Stanford Sam, I guess, is a bit like Soulless Sam. He knows there’s something off about him compared to the people around him, and he just does his best to pretend he’s the same as them without calling attention to his differences, which ends up coming off robotic. A little Stepford. A little uncanny valley. He learns to bite his tongue every time he’s about to let something normal only to his family roll off it; learns to be even more vague than he used to be, because now he’s around strangers ALL THE TIME.

At some point, Sam has a little-but-big breakdown about a payment he missed or the fact that he had to steal shampoo because he didn’t even have toiletries in his budget and couldn’t even afford a bottle of White Rain or Suave, so since he was stealing anyway he got the special brand he really likes and then feels too awful to even use it and doesn’t wash his hair for a week. Brady takes pity on the cute but hapless puppy-boy who is a physical and academic behemoth but has obviously been living off-grid on some kind of militia commune for the past forever--at first the rumor was that he was Amish on rumspringa but the amount of times Sam has busted out some supremely random survival knowledge in casual conversation changes that rumor quickly--and has no understanding of the world. And by the time he moves off-campus with Jess, Sam has this masking thing down pretty well; he can almost forget he’s not normal sometimes and Jess only knows about his previous helplessness in a cute, anecdotal kind of way.

And then Dean comes and gets him and Sam’s all “you and Dad still doing credit card scams?” and Dean’s like “well hunting doesn’t pay the bills.”

AND SAM’S LIKE, NEITHER DO YOU DEAN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT BILLS ARE?! BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW!

#ask #@princessconsuelapark #stanford era #sam winchester #pre-stanford era #sam n dean #john winchester's a+ parenting #long post

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hollyxqx · 5 years ago

Text

ALWAYS : NAMJOON : EPILOGUE

↪ PAIRING: Kim Namjoon x Reader ↪ GENRE: idol!au | ex’s to lovers | angst | smut ↪ SUMMARY: the story of how almost divorced, disgraced idol kim namjoon tries to put his life back the way it was after the world found out he was married and had a kid. ↪ WORD COUNT: 6k

↪ WARNINGS: angst angst angst, smut, nj has a mild pregnancy kink, oc body shames themselves a lot, milddddd drug references, tooth-rotting fluff

a/n: sorry this was delayed but here it is! thank you for being so patient and i really hope yall enjoy/are satisfied with the ending . my ask is always open if you have any questions or comments :):)

ONE : TWO : EPILOGUE

By day number four of avoiding Namjoon you knew it was time to relent and at the very least speak to him. Days one through three were spent using your mom's house as a temporary hideout. You knew there was a million questions whirring around in her head at your surprise visit, but you kept quiet, merely stating you wanted a break. She had given you the kind of look that was equal parts disapproving and disappointed, in only the way a mother could combine those expressions. It made you wonder if you made that face too.

Namjoon had called and texted everyday, each time begging you to talk to him. Your fingers would itch over the messages, tempted to just give in. You hated this as much as he did. After finally, finally, getting what you'd wanted for years - your family whole - it felt like it was slipping through your fingers again.

It was a loss you weren't sure if you could endure again.

Siwoo sat happily on his play mat, toy car in hand while you kept a careful watch on him. He had a tendency to put things in his mouth that didn't belong there, so you made sure to pay attention.

You were extra thankful for him as of late, your ray of sunshine in these dark few days. Though, when he went to bed in the evenings everything hit you the hardest, raw and painful. You'd had such little sleep in the last few days it was a miracle you were functioning as well as you were. Months of sleepless nights when Siwoo was a newborn had trained you well, you supposed.

The tea in your mug had gone cold and it tasted as bitter as you felt. You had gone back and forth several thousand times about whether you were over-reacting or not. The initial knee jerk reaction you have is to run when things get difficult. You'd been that way your entire life, often times to your detriment.

Over the course of your entire relationship with Namjoon that had been a recurring issue. Every argument, every fight, squabble, disagreement or otherwise, you were the one that bailed. The one that needed time to cool off. Which ultimately led to you filing for divorce in the end. Maybe it was time to confront your issues instead of running away from them.

The doorbell rang exactly at four p.m, signalling Namjoon had arrived. He knew the passcode and could easily enter if he so much as wanted to, having done so for the last few months. But you knew Namjoon. This was a way of showing you some respect, showing you he was giving you your space and would wait for you to come to him when you were ready. The same pattern as always.

With a heavy heart you trudge to the door, nursing your still cold tea. When you open the door Namjoon stood on the other side, looking as awful as you felt. "Hi." He said quietly, rubbing a sheepish hand over his unshaven face.

"Hi."

You step to the side, allowing him to cross the threshold into the apartment. A surprised, hesitant look crossed his face but he stepped inside regardless.

"Siwoo is in the living room." You told him, straight to the point. He nodded. After all, that was the reason he was here. You were forced out of your silence because you'd never keep his child from him, no matter how bad things got between you.

You hung back in the kitchen and busied yourself with making another cup of tea that you didn't particularly want. It was just an excuse to hide and you knew it. Coward that you were.

You could hear Siwoo's delight at seeing Namjoon as you waited for the kettle and it made your heart ache. He had missed his dad, having been used to his presence much more. The guilt it caused you plagued you constantly, since you were the reason for the separation.

Namjoon appeared in the kitchen a few moments later, Siwoo perched on his hip. A small smile escaped you at the grin on your son's face as his tiny head rested against Namjoon's chest. He still clutched the toy car.

"I'm all set to go." Namjoon announced. He shifted somewhat awkwardly. "Unless you want to..."

"Not yet." You didn't know exactly what he had in mind but you weren't ready for that talk at this moment in time.

He nodded, looking disappointed. "Will I still see you on Sunday?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't you? You're not keeping Siwoo forever." You knew instantly what you said had been far too harsh and definitely out of line. Namjoon's face flashed with pain. "I don't mean it like it that - " You attempted to explain that you weren't infact referring to your son as an object but you were cut off.

"I thought you might send your mom or Jess or anyone else in the world to do it." He informed you.

"It'll be me on Sunday, Namjoon."

"Can we have dinner then? If not for me, for Siwoo." He asked expectantly. You didn't have the heart to refuse him again, not when he looked at you with that desperate longing in his eyes.

"Okay. Dinner, then."

*** Standing outside Namjoon's extravagant house two days later you felt sick, absolutely sick to your stomach, throw up in a hedge nauseous. The combination of nerves, the secret pregnancy and the fact that the last time you were here was one of the worst days of your life had bile creeping up your throat.

When Namjoon finally answered the door, you hurried past him to the bathroom, muttering something about needing to pee. He could only watch you with a bewildered expression, clearly he'd expected a repeat of the awkward interchange from the other day.

You made it to the toilet just in time, praying he didn't hear the sound of you heaving your guts out over the porcelain. As you borrowed some of his mouthwash and cleaned your hands you debated what lie to feed him. Thankfully it wasn't the morning so you hoped you'd be able to get away with food poisoning as your excuse.

You returned to a worried Namjoon. "Are you ok? I heard you throw up." He asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I think I've just got food poisoning."

He stared at you curiously for a beat. "Do you want to lie down before dinner? It won't be ready for another 45 and I'd rather you felt alright."

You shook your head no. "Thanks Joonie, but I'm okay."

His expression softened at your use of his nickname, he hadn't heard it in a while. You didn't intend to use it but it slipped out so naturally. Especially when he was concerned about you.

The kitchen smelled incredible as you entered. Namjoon didn't cook often being the clumsy chef that he was, opting for takeout usually, sometimes multiple times a day. "What are you making? It smells good. Hi boop." You gave Siwoo a cuddle from behind as he sat in his high chair. He squealed with joy in your arms. "Mommy missed you."

"Lamb curry." Namjoon stated. "And just plain pasta for the kiddo."

"And how much has Seokjin helped you with all this?" You couldn't help but tease. Namjoon smirked.

"Alot." He turned away from you to fuss with the pot on the stove. "I wanted to do something nice for you. Figured you'd appreciate the effort."

You made a non-committal noise as you slotted yourself into the chair next to your child, still feeling a little queasy. It was silent until Siwoo's food was ready when Namjoon offered to feed him for you, but you declined. You were happy to do it. He could mostly feed himself anyway but sometimes needed a little help.

With nothing more to do for the time being Namjoon sat opposite you. You could feel his eyes on you but you deliberately kept your own on Siwoo. "What did you boys get up to then?" You murmured, trying to get Siwoo to eat with his small cutlery and not his hands. "The food is hot Siwoo, use this."

"Nothing too exciting. Mostly swimming, I've got the pool up and running again. That kid is a water baby through and through."

You nodded in agreement, having witnessed it first hand yourself. Ever since he figured out what water was you could barely keep him away from it, essentially making bath time a messy affair. "He especially loves your pool since you got that slide."

"I did it for him."

"I know."

Namjoon stood after a while and went to the cupboard, taking out two wine glasses. He placed one in front of where you sat, setting the other at his side of the table. "I got your favourite sauvigon blanc. The one from the top shelf." He mumbled, corking open the bottle he'd grabbed. "Here."

He began pouring you a glass. "Oh no, no thanks, I'm not dri - Siwoo don't throw your pasta."

Namjoon stopped mid pour, raising his eyebrow at you, ignoring the macaroni that hit the floor. "No wine?"

"My stomach still doesn't feel right." You lied, giving him an apologetic look. "Better avoid the alcohol."

"That's not like you." He paused giving you a curious look. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just don't want to drink. I'll be driving again soon anyway."

He didn't know that you physically could not and would not touch alcohol due to tiny life that was growing inside you. The tiny life you still didn't know what the fuck you were going to about. Your stomach flipped anxiously.

"Okay." He said staring at you for a little too long. He swapped your slightly filled glass with his empty one. Namjoon poured sparkling water in yours in lieu of the wine. You knew he knew you were lying about something, but he said nothing, still on emotionally shaky ground with you. You wondered if he had anticipated you staying the night to offer you alcohol.

When Siwoo had finished eating and all the pasta had been cleaned from the floor you put him down for a nap. It was cute how sleepy he always got after food and it was nearing his bedtime anyway, heavy eyelids drooping as he sipped on water.

The only evidence that Namjoon even had a child was Siwoo's bedroom, the rest of the house looked like it belonged to a bachelor. As you walked through the vast space you found yourself getting somewhat irrationally angry about the fact. No wonder that girl felt so comfortable here. You found yourself scowling when you sat back at the dining table.

"What?" Namjoon asked, sensing instantly the shift in your mood.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"You're one to talk." You shot back. He sighed.

"Don't be like this just because Siwoo isn't here. Can't we keep being civil?"

"Fine." You mumbled.

He dished the food and you ate in stony silence. The sound of the cutlery scraping on the plates soon became deafening to you, grating on you and worsening your mood. Namjoon had asked you to be civil but that girl hadn't been to you, or to him for that matter and that was the only thing on your mind as you ate. The hormones raging through your body were certainly making you more quick to anger than usual.

"Is it okay?" Namjoon asked, pointing to your plate with a fork. "The food."

"Perfect, thank you." You replied. He looked crestfallen at your curt reply.

"Can we talk properly tonight jagi?" He asked.

"Don't call me that." Instantly you were transported back to the night when this mess started, the night you slept together for the first since breaking up. You'd had almost that exact exchange, although it was a playful one and didn't have the sombre atmosphere his kitchen had.

"All I really need is for you to listen." He sighed. "Can you do that for me?"

You owed it to him at least. "Alright."

He inhaled a deep breath before releasing it slowly, as if he was unsure where to begin. "I didn't cheat on you. I wasn't lying about that. If you take anything away from this conversation, please let it be that." His gaze was so intense you couldn't help but believe him.

"Did she kiss you that day?"

"Yeah." He looked down with a grimace. "I didn't initiate anything, she lunged at me. It was an attack."

"She called you Joonie."

That caught his attention and he looked at you in surprise, eyebrows shooting towards his hairline. "That bothered you?" You nodded.

"It didn't feel like a casual hookup, Namjoon. She seemed very familiar with you. She was in your home calling you what me - your wife - calls you." You voice got higher the more emotional you got, tears burning your eyes. Namjoon shushed you gently, telling you to calm down. "And then there was the other girl from the pictures. What do you do to these women to make them think this behaviour is ok?"

Namjoon gave you an infuriatingly blank look. "That was the girl I was papped with."

"No it wasn't." You sniffed.

"Baby," He huffed an incredulous but humourless laugh. "I promise you. Crazy girl from the photos is crazy girl that was here. Those pictures were dark, you probably just didn't recognise her."

"Why does she keep showing up?"

"We did hook up, but once a long time ago. I made the mistake of taking her home. I saw her once after that, but we didn't have sex. Other stuff happened, I won't lie."

You felt uncomfortable, hot, prickly jealousy constricting in your chest. "I don't need details."

"I don't really remember it to be honest. I was wasted." He explained further. "She turned out to be a big fan of mine and was - is - having a hard time dealing with the fact that I don't want her. That's it. That's the story. I swear."

You searched his eyes with your own for a few moments and he held your steely gaze.

"You could get a restraining order." You grumbled.

"They're not as easy to get as you think."

You crossed your arms and looked away. Although you believed every word he said you still weren't happy. Maybe it would take more than a conversation this time.

"Anything else you want to know, just ask." Namjoon told you softly. His hand twitched on the table and you could tell he wanted to reach for yours. "I'm an open book."

You knew exactly what was niggling at your conscious. "What else have you lied about?"

He paused for a moment and your heart dropped, anticipating the absolute worst. "I once jerked off to a picture of your feet."

Your scandalized expression was enough to have him laughing, easing some of the tension in the room. "I'm serious!" You scolded.

"So am I." He smirked and you rolled your eyes. "I'm sorry baby, I just wanted to see you smile."

"You're ridiculous."

He stood and walked round the table, taking your hand in his forcing you to stand. He pulled you into a hug and your arms automatically wrapped around his waist. "Am I forgiven?" He mumbled into your hair.

"No." You said but your body contradicted your words, melting even further in to him. "I'm still angry at you for lying and nearly dying of an overdose too. It's scary to think you can keep such things from me. I'm waiting for the next lie now Joonie."

He squeezed you tighter. "I understand, I do, but does a tiny part of you not see why I would hide those things from you? It was to stop you from getting hurt."

"I guess." You know he has a point and you do feel better for having this talk with him but jumping back to fully trusting him feels frightening. You hate being vulnerable and right now, that's what you are.

"All I want is for us to be together, and whatever you need me to do to get us there, I'll do it." He said with strong conviction.

You surprised him by standing on your tiptoes and pecking his lips, his eyes remained open in shock. "You're a good man, Namjoon. I'm lucky I have you." He smiled. "But if you ever lie to me again, I swear to god I'm done."

"Never." He swore.

***

It took three more nights of intense conversations with Namjoon before your relationship started to return to normal. Getting everything out in the open was a little painful for your both but once everything that had happened during your separation was no longer shrouded in darkness, you felt better. You both did.

Namjoon had bravely opened up about how he struggled with pills and drugs. You'd learned he'd been partying a scary amount and that's where he met 'crazy girl'. Apparently she was a big party girl and drug user herself, which made sense, considering her erratic behaviour. She was an amateur model and had access to a lot of free drugs, so Namjoon was unfortunately drawn to her.

It wasn't exactly easy nor fun to hear about the women that he'd been with. It was with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks that he admitted a lot of his hook ups had been a blur of nameless faces. He wasn't proud of it, he'd never been a guy who fucked around, even before you met.

You were surprised to learn he'd spent time in rehab. Mostly it was just therapy but it allowed him to be in a better state mentally and therefore able to cope. Namjoon had got teary when you told him that you were proud of him. It wasn't easier to better yourself and succeed. He told you it was all for Siwoo and you understood that fierce protective desire completely.

During the third night, when you lay in Namjoon's bed, each on your side and facing each other you realised it was time to come clean about your secret now. You squeezed your entwined hands that lay on the pillow between your heads. "Namjoon, in the spirit of being honest...I need to tell you something."

"What is it jagi?" His brow furrowed at your tone.

You gulped. "I'm pregnant." He was silent and his expression never changed, which immediately worried you. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner but I was going to do something cute by just giving you the sonogram instead of doing it in this lame way, but -

" - That's amazing." He interrupted your nervous rambling. A grin started to spread on his face.

"Really?" You asked cautiously.

"Are you joking? It's fucking great news!" He exclaimed. Namjoon let go of your hand and quickly placed his large palm on your lower stomach. "How far along?"

"Only 9 weeks." You playfully shoved his hand off of you. "You won't be able to feel anything yet." You laughed.

"I'm excited. I knew something was up when you weren't drinking and throwing up." He admitted. "It's going to be so different this time round. So much less stress and worry. We can actually enjoy your pregnancy."

"I'm excited that you're excited." You said. "I was scared to tell you. After everything we went through..."

"It's going to be different this time." He repeated. He kissed you passionately, lips crashing against yours as if he was trying to show you just how much he meant his words. Arms snaked around your torso as he held you close. "We're going to have two kids soon." He murmured. "Are you ready for this?"

"Nope." You laughed and he joined you. "But I wasn't ready the first time and we managed."

This time when he kissed you, you could feel him smile against your lips. "This feels like a dream. I'm so happy." He managed to get out in between presses of his mouth against yours. You were elated. "Can't wait to see you pregnant again."

"You mean, fat." You corrected.

"Noooo," He groaned, frustrated. "You looked so sexy when you were pregnant before." His hands slid underneath your shirt, along your stomach to cup and squeeze at your breasts. "You had big ass boobies." You can't help but laugh, he was like a horny teenager when it came to boobs. "Filled with milk for my baby."

His thumbs brushed against your nipples and you stiffened at the sensation. He kept repeating the action and you could feel a dull ache in your core at the sensation. "s'feels good." You murmured, trying to concentrate.

"Yeah?" He pulled back a little to gauge your expression. "Can I keep going?"

You nodded, appreciating the fact that he was asking for permission since you hadn't slept together since your argument. He peeled your shirt from your body and leaned down to plant kisses all over your breasts, thankful you weren't wearing a bra to bed. A dreamy sigh escaped you as your hands carded through his hair.

"D'you know what else I liked about you being pregnant?" He said huskily, still fondling you.

"Tell me." You had felt insecure at the time, and had been feeling it again after seeing the model you knew Namjoon had slept with. Some reassurance would be welcome.

"You were swollen in all the right places." The heel of his palm began to grind down slowly against your panties, having worn only those and a shirt to bed. Namjoon's lips wrapped around a nipple and your pussy pulsed in response. "The curve of your stomach, hips and ass was so fucking sexy."

"Really?"

"Mhmm," He hummed and your underwear was moved to the side. "It was sexy because you looked like a woman. Not just a hot girl." His fingers moved in slow circles against your clit and you feel yourself growing wet especially fast. "And you were off-limits to any other man than me. I put my baby in you and every other man could see it."

"Fuck, Joonie." You whimpered after he hit one particularly sensitive spot, hips jolting slightly. "I didn't know you had a pregnancy kink."

He smirked against your skin, his breath fanning across as he laughed a little. "Me neither, until I saw you."

Briefly he stopped to pull the remnants of your clothing off leaving you fully naked. "Namjoon?" You asked hesitantly, feeling shy. He hummed in response, sliding his fingers into your wet heat once more. Something had been playing on your mind this entire time. "That girl was beautiful."

He groaned. This time it wasn't a sexy groan. "Don't talk about her when I'm touching you like this."

"I keep thinking about her. She's prettier than me." You admitted. He stopped what he was doing, gripping the bottom of your chin, forcing you to face him when you tried to hide the fact that tears were welling in your eyes.

"She's nuts."

"You didn't disagree with me." You pouted. He sighed. "I'm feeling really insecure right now. I'm about to have another kid and my body is going to be wrecked, again. And girls like that are incessantly throwing themselves at you."

"I don't think she was prettier than you. And even if I did, who cares? She isn't beautiful where it counts. I just told you how sexy I think you are and you still don't believe me." He looked sad, it made you feel guilty.

"Sorry I'm being stupid." You mumbled.

"Don't be afraid to tell me when you're feeling like this, I don't want you to feel bad while I'm trying to make you feel good." He insisted. "Just remember that what I feel for you is so much more than how you look. But you're sexy, you're pretty, you're kind and you're an amazing mom. I'm so attracted to you that I'm still hard even through all this just because I'm near you and you're naked." He laughed, guiding your hand to his crotch for emphasis. He wasn't totally hard but that was an erection if you ever felt one.

"I love you so much." You told him sniffling. "Sorry for being a moodkiller. I'm hormonal and emotional right now."

"Tell me about it." He teased. "Can we carry on or are you out of it completely?"

You answered him with a kiss.

He took his time with you that night and you knew that extra effort came entirely from a place of pure, authentic and true love in his heart. Namjoon ate you out until you were a mess beneath him, able to coax two orgasms out of you before agonizingly pushing his stiff length into you.

Whispered praise in your ear made you feel desired in a way like you hadn't experienced before. He cradled you as he fucked into you, encouraging you to keep your legs wrapped around his waist, ankles locked around his lean body.

"Don't think I could never want you, especially like this." He breathed into your ear, slowly pounding into you. "You're the love of my life."

"Joon..." You moaned, tears stinging your eyes, leaking onto the pillow. You were too emotional right now for sex like this. "Please." You begged.

"Tell me you love me, tell me how good I'm making you feel." He commanded as his hips slapped into you faster this time. All you could think about was his bare skin against yours while you clung to him as if your life depended on it. Every drag of his cock inside you felt like you were made for him.

"I do, I love you so much." You moaned. "You're perfect. No one has ever made me feel like this."

When he came he groaned loud enough that you were certain he woke the sleeping child in the next room.

Your suspicions were confirmed when the pitter patter of tiny feet echoed down the hall. Namjoon leapt away from you so fast, he tangled himself in the sheets and fell over, emitting a loud curse word.

Once Siwoo had been successfully put back to bed (and escaping unscarred, having seen nothing a three year old shouldn't witness) you and Namjoon stifled silent giggles. "I guess I enjoyed that a little too much." He laughed, getting comfortable to sleep.

"Top 5?" You asked, climbing into bed beside him. It was a running joke between you about your favourite sexy time moments. You don't remember when it started and it's hard to remember every single time but there are definitely some stand out moments.

"Top 10." He yawned. "It would be higher up, but I hit my shin pretty hard when I tripped."

"I love you, you clumsy idiot." You whispered, kissing him on the nose.

"I love you too baby."

***

You loved how Siwoo looked in his father's arms. Really, you should gently remove him from the tight embrace Namjoon held him in so he could sleep properly but the sight of the two asleep on the sofa was turning you to mush. They both slept with their mouths hanging open in the exact same way, the only difference was Namjoon snored lightly.

You couldn't resist and snapped a few pictures.

As you watched them you were glad you couldn't move on whilst you were technically single. Even a small part of you regretted attempting to even be with anyone else when this was the only man you wanted right here.

You thought of Mark and the other two guys you'd dated and how empty you had felt, how you'd had to force feelings most of the time. Actions speak louder than words and the fact that neither of you had been able to get close to moving on spoke volumes.

Namjoon was home and always had been.

***

Early pregnancy was a lot more tiring than you remembered this time around. With Siwoo, you'd been relatively lucky and for the most part it had been smooth sailing. New baby was not giving you an easy ride. You'd convinced an overbearingly concerned Namjoon you were well enough to go for a walk but the five times he'd already asked if you were alright showed his worry.

His hand laced through yours as you strolled through a park near your home. It had a beautiful selection of cherry blossom trees, a long time favourite spot of yours. It was his suggestion to get some fresh air after morning sickness had claimed the first half of your day.

The occasional stray blossom petals floated through the air, giving the worn path a story book feel. Even though you weren't 100% you were glad you'd made the choice to go outside, the fresh air smelt sweet and calming.

"Jagi, I've been thinking." Namjoon announced, opting to sling an arm over your shoulder instead. You realised it was the first time he had ever been able to be affectionate with you in a public space. You leaned in closer to his side.

"Do tell."

"Let's have a wedding."

You looked up at him, perplexed. His gaze remained straight ahead. "We had one. You should remember, you were there."

"That wasn't a wedding, that was standing in an office." He corrected with a scoff. "What I'm trying to say is lets have a big celebration. One all our friends can come to. Would you like that?"

"Maybe? I don't know. I've never thought about it." You mused. "That could be fun."

"I thought it could be like an official fresh start. We never had the chance to do it like everyone else." He shrugged. "Only if you want to though, baby."

"I think I want to." You smiled. Namjoon hummed a good, squeezing your shoulder affectionately. You carried on in a comfortable silence.

"One more thing," He said after a few moments. "You need this back."

A hand slipped into his pocket and out came a small jewellery box. Without having to peek inside you already know what it contains. The ring you had given back in a fit of anger nearly a few weeks ago. He flicked the box open and offered it to you. "You're not going to get down on one knee?" You joked. He rolled his eyes.

Willingly you accepted it from him and put on the ring. "I had it cleaned for you."

You admired the silver that adorned your hand for a moment before handing him back the box. "Thank you."

The two of you didn't talk much more as you finished your route through the park. You didn't need to. Everything he'd done for you (and not just today) had said enough.

***

"Siwoo, I have told you to pick up these toys five times now!" You yelled down the hallway, exasperated by your seven year old's will to ignore simple instructions. After escaping the infamous terrible two's with him you noticed he was barrelling to being a defiant child. You raised your voice a lot more these days. "Don't make me tell you again!"

You knew it was futile by the distracted Yes Mom that he replied with. You instantly could tell he was either playing video games or on youtube, both his new favourite pass times. As you attempted to grab a ready made bottle, a loud smash came from the living room and you hurried through, worry clenching your chest.

"Oh baby girl..." You cooed once you'd noticed what had caused the noise. Your two year old, who was just figuring out that she could walk had accidentally smashed a picture frame when she'd tried to use the coffee table for balance. "I left you alone for half a second and you're trashing the place." You sighed to her.

Quickly you checked her over, ensuring she was unharmed. She was. Gently, you slung her over your hip, this time taking her to the kitchen with you. She struggled the entire time, eager to get back to her new found freedom of walking. However as soon as she realised she was getting fed, her mind was quickly changed.

The sound of Namjoon arriving home caught your attention. You were glad he was home. As much as you loved your children, an entire day alone with them was harder than any job you'd ever worked. You were still between nanny's and were picking the slack up yourself.

"There's my girls." You could hear the smile in his voice before you saw it. Namjoon reclined in the doorway, watching you and Eunha, an enamoured look on his face. He crossed the room, kissing her first on the cheek before meeting your lips in a peck. "Where's Siwoo?"

"Bedroom," You sighed. "Tell him to get his toys please." Namjoon nodded, able to read your frustration straight away as his phone and keys where placed on the kitchen counter. He left to do what you'd asked of him.

Once you'd managed to get Eunha down for bed, you joined Namjoon and Siwoo who were picking the toys up together. You picked up the smashed picture frame that you'd momentarily forgotten about, smiling at the image. It was an official photo from your 'second' wedding, you and your husband smiling like lovesick kids with Siwoo between you, looking adorable in his tiny suit.

It had been a wonderful day, being able to celebrate properly with your loved ones. The day had been a blur, but the best kind of blur; ending it with sore cheeks from smiling so much.

"What's that?"

Namjoon's question brought you back to the present. You flipped the picture frame round to show him it was broken. "Courtesy of Eunha on one of her missions."

"You look so pretty in that picture Jagiya." Namjoon stretched over and kissed your cheek. Neither of you missed how Siwoo's face screwed up in disgust at the sight of his parents kissing. A knowing smirk was shared between you and your husband.

"Thank you for that boop!" You kissed your son's head when he was finished the task. It was frightening how tall he was getting, you suspected he would be taller than Namjoon when he was older. He trudged back to his room grumbling about how he was too old to kiss his mom. You couldn't help but laugh.

Namjoon wrapped his arms around you as soon as you were alone, kissing you properly this time. "How was your day?" He asked quietly against your lips.

"Long." You sighed, resting your head on his chest. "You?"

"Busy."

Lately he had been putting in more and more hours at the recently expanded studio. Ever since Yoongi had started a family of his own they'd even hired an entire crew of people. Things couldn't be better for your husband's career and you were more than thankful how lucky the two of you had been.

His hand stroked the back of your hair lovingly. "The best part of my day is coming home." He yawned, holding you tight. You hummed in agreement, that was the highlight of your day as well. Ten years total together and that had never changed.

Not one moment was taken for granted anymore and when all was said and done, you knew you would be with him, always.

MASTERLIST

#kim namjoon fic #namjoon fic #namjoon fanfiction #bts fanfiction #namjoon content #bts fanfic #bts ff #bts fic #namjoon fanfic #namjoon smut #namjoon angst #bts smut fanfic #bts smut #bts angst #kpop smut #kpop angst #kpop fanfiction

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imma-potatoo · 5 years ago

Text

Blond Janus Darkside Headcanons

I noticed how I haven't written down any info on the dark sides (Wrath, Apathy, Depression, Remus and pre-AA Virgil). More will be added.

Masterpost

Taglist:

@mother-snake, @writerstrashbin, @psychedelicships, @cryptidwriterdotcom (ask to be removed or added)

Wrath

Leader of the dark sides

Can induce a blind rage

When the rage is happening the recipient cannot control what they say or do and react simply on their first thought

The rage becomes stronger the more angry the person becomes

Wrath can't bring someone out of the rage. He can induce it but the person has to come out of it themselves

He has almost no control of Apathy because of that due to his lack of emotion

Likes to wear a partial suit. Finds that the coat is restricting and makes more complex movements hard

Still owns the coat. Just never wears it.

Symbol is tattooed on his left wrist

Orange and black color scheme. Like this:

Immediate reaction to almost anything is to yell.

Loves huge parties

If he's going to make a point, he makes it loud and clear. Often in front of other people so they can see what happens if you step out of line

Rules the dark sides more like a dictatorship then a family or of equel footing

Believes that they have to bend Thomas to their will and that the light sides are complete fools who will only destroy Thomas life

Wants Thomas to take what he wants and not to worry about who he leaves behind

If Thomas has to kill a politician to get what he wants? Sure go ahead. As long as he gets what he wants

When angry, Wrath is ruthless

He'll take your deepest fear and taunt you with it until you snap under the strain and comply to his every whim

He refuses to take no for an answer

Because of his hatred for the lights; he takes it out on Janus

He's big on public humiliation

If Janus would step out of line; well, he doesn't need all of those scales does he? He's sure Apathy would love to see the reactions if you rip some off

To aid in the control of the others; Wrath has complete control over the food supply

When the others are listening and followings orders. Good, they get to eat properly

When they don't? Your options are moldy bread or cheese that has been out in the open for about a month.

Him and Apathy eat like kings while the others decide between food poisoning and starvation

Likes to take words of affection and make them have a negative meaning (ex: the word Love.) after beating the hell out of someone, he would make them look directly in his eyes and says that he loves them... And he makes them say it back

He hates it when the others cry

Says that they're doing it for attention and that they should shut the fuck up

Apathy

Second in command

Can nullify peoples emotions. Leaving them feeling like an empty shell. The effects normally break after an hour

If Apathy knows your name he can control you like a puppet

White and black outfit. White shirt with black suspenders and pants.

Doesn't show where he keeps his symbol (its on his right ankle, its more like a tattoo then a patch)

Has a deep obsession with fire

Owns a zippo (a lighter that flips open)

Often feels empty due to his function. The fire makes him feel warm, feel more human (as human as the sides can be anyway)

Doesn't quite understand emotion. He understands the basics of it (cry = sad, laugh = hqppy, yell = angry.) but the more complex reactions confuse the hell out of him. Crying out of happiness is one of the things he will never understand.

Because of his lack of understanding of emotions; Apathy tries to understand through making others feel said emotions

Wants to know how someone would react when you break a precious item? Time to find a couple photos.

Will someone scream when you waterboard them? Hm well, only one way to test that.

Opinions change like a flip of a switch

One day he'll help you make dinner with a plastered on smile. The next he'll knock you out and burn you with his lighter with that same smile

Has only properly laughed twice

The first time was when Thomas accidentally laughed at someones funeral (he couldn't cope that the person was gone and his default reaction was to laugh)

The second was after the three of them (wrath, depression and him) shut off the heating to Janus' room and locked him inside

In order to understand things he doesn't know; he does experiments

He's not allowed to experiment on Wrath and Depression has no fun reactions. So he has his fun with Janus instead

Kinda likes it when blood stains his dress shirt

Because its warm. The warmth that once came from the person now belongs to him and it eases the cold empty feeling only slighty and temporary but its warm

He's indifferent on the lights. They're a little too perky for his tastes

Depression

Third in command

Doesn't really get a lot of say with decisions

Can erase certain memories (he doesn't use it very often)

Wears a medium blue dress shirt, brown leather suspenders with a black bowtie.

Normally keeps his sleeve rolled up

When crying; his eyes leak black

If the tears hit your skin, its a 10% chance that you could collapse and start spewing your insecurities while your eyes leak black

Symbol is on the back of his neck

Doesn't really mind not having the control that Apathy and Wrath have

Less work for him to do anyway

Couldn't care about the other twos blatant abuse of Janus

He sees it as a way to keep Janus in line

If Virgil wanted to play father figure he can go ahead. But that doesn't mean he has to be kind

Respects and looks up to Wrath

Normally just follows the lead of the others

He's the epitome of the duckling following the leader

Wrath has steak and potatoes for dinner? Depression also wants that too

Wrath says that they need to bend Thomas to their will? Well duh! Of course!

Wrath says that Janus has been out of line lately? Well why don't we break his leg again to show him a lesson

Most of the time, the food restrictions have no effect on him bc he listens to Wraths every word

Virgil

Was the second in command before he left

Opposed Wrath on his more extreme tactics

Has the ability to control shadows and others own Anxiety

Hated the dress code that Wrath insists on having. What kind of person wears suspenders and a dress shirt daily anyway?

Still wears the stupid things anyway because Wrath said to and he's not in the mood to get beat

Symbol is tattooed on underneath his shirt. The left side

After adopting Janus he lost his position as Wrath's right hand

Kinda pissed him off when he got demoted. Not bc of the loss of power. But bc he couldn't protect Janus as well

After adopting Janus he became the 4th in power (after Depression)

Remus

Is the epitome of don't give a shit

He has the power to conjure things and cause intrusive thoughts

Half the time he ignores the dress code completely

Typically opting for his normal clothes but does own a uniform as well

(if anyone has a better photo of this outfit pls pls pls DM me. I've looked through hundreds of photos and this is the best dark green dress shirt with suspenders I got)

Symbol is tattooed on the swell of his back

Gets practically no opinion on dealings or decisions with plans

Remus is a indifferent party. One moment he'll help you. The next he'll stab you in the back

He mostly just works with who can give him what he wants the fastest

He actually feels pity for Janus

Not like he'll ever act on that but he still feels a bit bad for the guy

Remus is kinda like that uncle at family get togethers that no-one talks to or cares about but he's always there

Janus

Oh boy, where to start?

Has the lowest rank out of every other side

His power (the ability to make people unable to talk) can only be used on the light side of the mind

He is also unable to heal immediately on the dark side

Meaning that he has to treat his wounds the old fashioned way

Doesn't really like the dress code

Only gets to wear his normal outfit when he's visting the light sides

Blond hair (wow! Really? Not like its the the name of the au!!)

His patch isn't a tattoo

This boi has the biggest fucking sweet tooth you could ever imagine

He is also so fucking short

His shoes have lifts to make him taller

He's cold blooded

When he gets focused, he bleps

This is turning fluffy-

He is literally covered head to toe in scars

Almost no skin was left untouched

Lying is a defense mechanism for him. He's deceit! He can lie his way out of anything!

Heavily disagrees on Wraths views

Thomas should get ahead, of course he should. But that shouldn't come at the price of someones life or the cost of his reputation

Hurting someone to get ahead in the short-term is only going to harm you in the long term

To hide the bruses, he applies thick layers of makeup and illusions if he's on the light side

Hasn't gotten a good sleep in years

He's terrified that someone will break into in bedroom while he's sleeping and finish him off

Or that they'll cut the heating again and he'll slowly freeze to death

Or that they'll drag him out of his room and chain him up somewhere to become nothing but a punching bag

He has agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)

Hasn't had positive touch since Virgil left

He has venom. Its very lethal and only activates when threatened

When angry, his eyes glow yellow and his canine teeth grow sharp and long that they stick out of his mouth slightly like fangs

Was meant to be a light side and function as Validity and Societal Self Preservation. But the dark sides found him first and brought him back with them

Virgil is his father figure

Doesn't really know how to feel after finding out that he's not a dark side

He does feel really really lied to and betrayed

But... Virgil is his dad. Virgil raised him

How could he be upset?

Writes down all of his thoughts and complaints in journals that he keeps in his room

He started writing journals when he was very young, so there is hundreds of them

Honestly doesn't know how to feel about him being a light side.

He's mad at Wrath. He knows that. But he can't do anything because his powers don't work on the dark side

He might as well be powerless.

When on the light side (so when all his powers work) his powers include: silencing others, the ability to repress sides/ make them unable to appear to Thomas and illusions.

His title is technically Validity with the added function of societal self preservation

Still goes by Deceit anyway

----

Has three brands burned onto him via Apathy

Is on his left ankle. Its his snake symbol. About the size of your fist

On his right bicep. The word "monster" in bolded writing. About two fingers in thickness.

Left chest, above his heart. The words "Property of the Dark Sides" in cursive text. The writing sits in a box.

All the brands are extremely painful for Janus if touched. Brand #3 is the brand he hates the most

His scales are more in patches then a perfect 50/50 split down his body

More will be added in the future.

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fang-wolfsbane · 4 years ago

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Boku No Hero Academia/My Hero Academia: Inked Feathered Flame: Chapter 04: Training Exercise

“So gear up, and meet me at the training grounds,” their current class teacher, the famous number one hero, All Might said, and with a press of a button, the wall on the left side of the classroom slid open, revealing numbered cubbies, each containing a hero suit they had all gotten the chance to give their opinion on.

Opening his cubby, Akuriru bit his bottom lip nervously. When he originally filled in his hero costume requirements sheet, he had been nothing less than uncertain about its appearance, never mind functionality. He didn’t want to end up looking like a costume clown, but he also needed his suit to be functional, so he had opted, with help from Momo, for clothing that left plenty of space to make full use of his quirk for the day he got more than his current tattoo. In the end, he had settled for black ripped pants, steady combat boots and a loose tank top and hoodie. A casual look, but still functional.

A glance towards Kyoka and Denki revealed that they had similar ideas in mind, respective of their own quirks. Kyoka met his eyes and flashed a kind smile as she and the girls all headed towards their changing room. Holding the body-heat adjusting fabric, Akuriru found himself smiling. Things were really starting to look up for him.

***

He might have thought too soon. All Might gave them a simple simulation situation where they divided into teams of two, one half playing the hero and the other half villains. Just his luck that All Might didn’t take into consideration that there were twenty-one students, leaving him as the odd number out. He had opted to sit the exercise out, only to receive a dramatic lecture from his teacher instead.

In the end, he ended up in a team with Fumikage Tokoyami and Tsuyu, or Tsu, as she insisted they all call her. Fumikage didn’t talk much, but he felt comfortable enough that Akuriru found himself to be relaxed around the other male student.

Their team was to play the villains, something he hadn’t expected, but neither did the team they were up against. All Might on the other hand had thought it a good opportunity for the team playing the heroes to deal with a situation where they would be outnumbered. It made sense, so no one had thought to argue against it.

Fumikage had chosen to defend the object the heroes were sent in to disarm, or capture them first, which left him and Tsuyu to attack. Tsuyu seemed to know exactly how she would go about it, but it left Akuriru a little uneasy. His tattoo could work for both attack and defence if he tried but going up against his classmates did leave him a little on edge.

Becoming a fulltime hero required going up against opponents, fighting in close to far ranges, whether you were adept at it or not. Akuriru knew he would need to practice on all fronts. Momo had nearly drilled that fact into him. If it hadn’t been for her own enthusiasm to become a hero, he would have dropped out before she even suggested this whole crazy route in the first place.

Tsuyu had voted to be the first line of attack, leaving Akuriru as the second line, and if they both failed, then it was up to Fumikage. If he remembered right, they were going up against Momo and Minoru Mineta. He didn’t know Minoru as well as he knew Momo, but he didn’t appreciate the way the purple-haired boy eyed his cousin, or any female in their class. He was certain they felt similar to him on that front.

Tsuyu had set herself against the wall, waiting until they could hear their opponents approaching. Just as Momo rounded the corner, Tsuyu’s long tongue struck out, blocking his cousin from entering the room as it wrapped around her waist and yanked her off to the side, earning a startled yelp from the taller girl.

“Don’t worry Yaoyorozu, I’ll save you!” Minoru’s voice screeched from where he came tumbling through the open doored threshold, his short legs spiralling in mid-air.

“Iro-kun, grab him!” Tsuyu called out, trying to hold Momo in place with her arms pinned to her sides. Akuriru had to shake his head to clear his thoughts before he realised that Tsuyu meant Minoru might get through their defence. Luckily for him, he had manifested his tattoo before their arrival.

With his right hand firmly grasped onto the pole, Akuriru spun the modified spear around, the tip blunted so as to not cause any physical harm. Upon spotting it, Minoru fell back on his backside. Akuriru had never felt like he possessed any physical power over anyone else but standing above Minoru left him with an idea of how that might feel. All he needed to do was pin him down and then Fumikage could wrap the given capture tape around their temporary enemies and win them their round.

He brought the spear down and felt it come into contact with something squishy. His first thought was that he might have accidentally struck Minoru and hurt him, but the second he looked, he saw his spear had been diverted by one of Minoru’s hair balls and stuck to the floor beside him. Who knew the little pervert had such fast reflexes?

With a snarky grin, Minoru jumped to his feet and rushed past. Akuriru released his hold on his spear, but must’ve lost most of his concentration, causing the tattoo to think that it was done with its current task and forcing itself back to its original spot. The unconcentrated return hit him like a bat to the back of his leg as he went down from the temporary pain.

Minoru used the situation to his full advantage, until Tsuyu’s voice called out for Fumikage. Akuriru would have felt sorry for Minoru because of their team’s technical disadvantage with having someone on their team that had a quirk that allowed him to use a physical manifestation that served as a second person, but All Might had decided that his role would be chosen through randomly drawing a team’s assigned letter, which had ended up with Akuriru joining an already three-person team. With how he had let Minoru slip past him, he was certain that both Fumikage and Tsuyu regretted being forced to team up with him.

Fumikage and Dark Shadow wasted no time in capturing Minoru, spinning around him like a snail waiting for an opportunity to strike. Tsuyu already had Momo wrapped in tape against the wall, taking care of Minoru less than a minute later. He couldn’t deny that she and Fumikage made a pretty good team. He would have smiled, had he not nearly cost them their victory.

***

Because Izuku had been injured during his and Ochaco’s match against Katsuki and Tenya, Akuriru was assigned as her replacement partner for the reverse situation exercise. Since Ochaco had already played the hero and Akuriru was the odd one out, they were assigned the villain roles against Mina Ashido and Yuga Aoyama.

Ochaco had the idea that she’d levitate the supposed threat outside the building’s window whilst Akuriru focused on trying to restrain their classmates. He wanted to point out to her why he wasn’t the best choice for defending her, but seeing the excitement in her eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to do so, so he had agreed.

At least they weren’t up against Fumikage and Tsuyu. He didn’t feel up to looking them in the eye, especially not after Tsuyu had been kind enough to tell him not to worry over Minoru slipping past him. It might not have been such a big deal during a training exercise, but if the situation had been real… he didn’t want to think about it.

He must have zoned out, because the moment Ochaco patted his shoulder, Akuriru had nearly launched himself into the air out of fright.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, her face showing the same concern her voice portrayed. An expression he had seen so rarely that he almost didn’t know how to respond to it. They weren’t that much different in terms of height, his own reaching more to Katsuki’s height, if only a centimetre shorter.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was just, uh, thinking about how to stop Ashido and Aoyama when they get here,” Akuriru said, attempting his best chuckle in his current nervous state. She must’ve bought it, because a second later she gave him the same confident, reassuring smile she gave Izuku when the two of them were teamed up. He only hoped that he would be as good as a partner to her as Izuku had been.

“Oh, well that’s good! Try not to worry about it so much, okay? We can do it if we work together!”

Her energetic attitude was near enough to put him at ease enough to relax his shoulders. His quirk became painful when he was stressed. She must have guessed, or at least asked Momo, when she heard he’d be her replacement partner. The two of them didn’t know everything about each other’s quirks, but he knew she became nauseous when using her quirk too much, and she probably knew his became painful to control if he lost concentration. Luckily for both of them, they knew Yuga got a stomach ache from his, so at most he would probably attempt to use it three times, meaning Mina would be their main attacker.

He had only seen Mina use her quirk once or twice, not nearly enough times to try and find its weakness. They were at a clear disadvantage against her. that didn’t mean that he didn’t wish Ochaco could use her quirk on their opponents instead, but he understood her reasoning for protecting their objective first. If they could defeat their opponents or keep the object out of their reach until the time ran out, then they would win. He didn’t plan on letting down her like he had done with his previous teammates.

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singledarkshade · 5 years ago

Text

Magical Mix Up

Chapter Five

(Chapter Four can be found here)

Author’s Note: With thanks to the incredible @theadrogna for being my historical guide for all things Roman.

Rome.

Rory had never been here, not in this life anyway, but the memories he held from his time being made of plastic meant he felt that he was home.

Unfortunately, he was still in his scrubs which meant he would stick out like a sore thumb, so he needed new clothes. And probably a sword.

It occurred to him as he scanned the area that there was a time when he would never have thought about needing a weapon of any kind, never mind knowing he could use it. He spotted a guard station and studied the soldiers. They were about to go out on patrol, which left a small group in the station which would allow Rory to, hopefully, steal what he needed.

He watched the soldiers as they began to march, waiting until he was sure they were far enough away. From his angle he could see the few left and decided which one to incapacitate. The nurse side of him hated the thought, but right now that part of him was pushed to the back of his mind. The situation, as well as whatever Constantine had done to him, meant Rory’s darker side was at the forefront.

Looking down at himself, Rory found some mud and quickly dirtied his scrubs to hopefully hide them to a degree before he moved carefully from the trees to the guard station. As one of the soldiers passed him, Rory pounced, wrapping his arm around the man’s neck, and held on until the man lost consciousness. Dragging him back where he couldn’t be seen Rory quickly swapped their clothes and took the weapons.

“Sorry,” he murmured to the man.

Rory grimaced, feeling uncomfortable in the soldier’s uniform because it wasn’t his own and it was a lower rank, not to mention the sword was not as good as his own. Shaking himself Rory took a deep breath and left his cover making his way to the gate.

There were caravans and people streaming through, meaning Rory could easily walk through in full uniform without anyone raising an eyebrow at his presence. Once inside he decided to head to the marketplace, somewhere crowded was his best bet to remain hidden from the nutcases who couldn’t understand the simple fact he was not the man they thought he was. It was pure luck they had crashed here, although the fact these people had the ability to travel in time worried him from what he’d seen so far.

He hoped there would be some way for him to send a message to the Doctor but at the moment he had no ideas how to do that. Then again, there was a ship outside the city he could use, if he could get onboard without the crew knowing.

That was a problem for later, after he’d found a safe haven that he could use for however long he was stuck here.

Rory walked slowly through the streets, taking in the familiar smells and sounds. He watched the children running around playing their games. Vendors offered their wares in the market while families strolled through, soldiers were not an unusual sight either, so Rory blended in.

He caught sight of a Centurion, and the reckless part of him wanted to steal the uniform to match the rank he was meant to have. Thankfully he still had common sense to know that was a bad idea, although if someone tried to give him an order he might not be as pragmatic about the whole thing.

As he moved along the streets, he spotted a leather pouch fallen to one side, hidden by crates from one of the stalls. Dropping a small stone that he’d lifted on his way into the city, Rory crouched to pick it up and swiped the pouch. Not long after the wedding, they were on a planet that were celebrating victory in a race of some kind. Amy and the Doctor had found something that the adrenaline junkies in them got overexcited about. Rory opted for the quiet option of sitting in a café watching the celebrations, River had appeared suddenly and spent a day teaching him how to steal. Looking back on it, Rory realised she was trying to spend time with him as a friend so that when he found out the truth, he had some good memories with her.

Now he had some money, Rory decided to get something to eat.

It had already been a long day.

*********************************************

“Alright,” the Doctor said, “I am aiming us for the same time as Rory, but I want to ensure we’re far enough away from the people who took him. I don’t want them seeing or detecting the TARDIS.”

“I can easily check where they are,” Rip noted.

The Doctor frowned in thought, “Not worried they’ve changed the codes?”

Rip chuckled, “They may try but that ship was mine for over fifteen years and know it better than any of them. If Gideon isn’t functioning, which is my worry since she would know Rory isn’t me, then there is a back door I can use.”

“Will that let you know if Rory is alright?” Amy asked softly.

Rip nodded, “And why they’re in Rome. Because there must be a specific reason the team have come here. And if there is an issue with the timeline, we need to make sure we don’t cause any more.”

“Time Masters,” the Doctor chuckled, “They’re always so much fun.”

Amy smiled at the look Rip gave the Doctor, his scathing look that was exactly like Rory’s and she wondered if maybe they were related.

They waited while Rip connected with his ship, and as predicted only a few seconds later he nodded, “I’m in.”

“Show me Rory,” Amy demanded.

Rip frowned, “Oh no,” he brought up the cameras, “It looks as though there is no mission, this was an accident.”

“They crashed here?” Amy asked, seeing the mess of the ship on the screen.

“What the bloody hell have they done to Gideon,” he grimaced, “I can’t find her anywhere.” He paused and rubbed his eyes, “This is not good.”

Amy rested her hand on his arm, “Rip, it’s okay. Take a breath.”

“You don’t understand,” he whispered sadly, “She’s all I have left. I promised her I’d come back.”

Hugging him tightly Amy rubbed his shoulder, “Don’t jump to any conclusions, okay. There could be any number of reasons she’s not answering you. Let’s focus on getting the TARDIS landed and then get you to the ship so you can check yourself.”

Pulling back Rip gave Amy a small smile, “Thank you. Let me check the security cameras and see where Rory is for you.”

The Doctor moved to Amy’s side as they watched Rip scan through the information.

“They locked him up,” Rip snapped annoyed, “I honestly wonder sometimes about their logic. Sara and I will have words on this.”

“Rip,” the Doctor said softly, reminding him they were there.

Shaking his head Rip returned to work, “Here he is. After the crash he slid out the ship and into the trees. The camera loses him quickly. Even in that colour, he’s hard to spot.”

The Doctor watched Amy wrap her arms around herself as both knew that meant the Centurion was in charge. It was, in many ways, a good thing as Rory would know how to blend in within the city and would be able to keep himself safe for them. Although, it would make it harder to locate him.

“Okay,” the Doctor said, “I will set us down between the city and your ship, Rip.”

“We can’t leave the ship looking like this,” Rip noted, “We will be spotted instantly.”

Forcing himself not to smirk too much, the Doctor said, “Amy, take Rip to the wardrobe and give him the uniform.”

Amy stared at him for a moment before leading the other man out of the room.

“A Time Master, that particular Time Master,” the Doctor mused to the TARDIS, “This will be interesting.”

*********************************************

The Time Sphere materialised just under the wing of the Waverider and Gideon smiled to see her ship, a calm settling in her. Sliding out the bubble, Gideon rested her hand on the metal and smiled.

“I’m sorry I was away, dear one,” she said softly, “I was scared you wouldn’t need me anymore now I am like this.”

The whispered reply made Gideon smile.

“I will fix what they broke,” Gideon promised, “And I will not leave you again.”

Turning she found Cisco watching her curiously.

“We should get inside and find the crew,” Gideon told him, smiling as the cargo bay lowered for them, “Thank you, dear one.”

Walking up the ramp, Cisco followed her into the ship. Anger filled her at the mess of the place, and she gently stroked the bulkhead to soothe the Waverider.

“Where are they?” she asked.

Flickering lights pointed her in the direction of the engine room, and Gideon patted the wall once more letting the Waverider know she didn’t need to expend any more energy. As they walked through the corridors, voices came from close by and Gideon quickened her pace towards them with Cisco following on behind.

“What did you do to my ship?” Gideon demanded sharply the moment she saw Sara and Jax in the engine room.

They turned and stared at her.

“I provided you with explicit instructions on how to fix a temporary AI for the Waverider,” she continued, marching towards them, “And you ignored them.”

Jax stared at her, “Gideon?”

“Gideon?” Sara echoed.

Annoyed she snapped, “Obviously. Now do you want to explain why you skipped several steps in the instructions I gave you?”

“I…well…” Jax stammered as he came face to face with the irate Gideon.

She stared at him, “I’m waiting, Mr Jackson.”

“Gideon,” Sara spoke up, stepping back slightly when Gideon turned and speared her with a sharp glare, “Jax was doing his job.”

“No,” Gideon stated, “Doing his job would mean the ship would not currently be crashed in the past needing substantial repairs.”

“That’s enough, Gideon,” Sara ordered, “Jax is working on fixing the engines. You head up to the bridge and work with Zari.”

Gideon tilted her head amused, “You are under the impression you are in charge, Miss Lance.”

Sara stared at her, “I’m still the Captain, Gideon.”

Gideon laughed softly before stating, “No. I am. The Waverider is mine, and she will follow me. There is only one person we would allow to act as Captain in my stead and that is not you, Miss Lance. Not after this debacle. I suggest you return to the bridge to assist Miss Tomaz with Mr Ramon, who is in charge of the repairs, while I supervise Mr Jackson.”

Sara stared in amazement at Gideon, who turned away to study the engines. Jax motioned her to one side quickly.

“Do we tell her?” Jax asked, “Now she’s in charge.”

Shaking her head, Sara replied, “No. Gideon has just become human, and she’s not in charge, Jax. This is her trying to assert independence since she’s no longer an AI.”

“What do we do?” Jax demanded, glancing over to where Gideon and Cisco were talking.

“We repair the ship,” Sara said, “While we do that, I’m going to send John to find Rip and get him back here. Once he’s here, then she’ll focus on getting his memories back.”

Shaking his head Jax sighed, “I hope you’re right.”

“Me too,” Sara murmured, before she started up to the bridge, Cisco could find her if Gideon wanted him to work with them.

She found John checking that none of his important and dangerous items had been damaged in the crash.

“I get why she’s pissed,” John noted after Sara told him what was happening, “The Waverider was the only physical form she had until now. And she never liked someone ignoring her instructions.”

“I haven’t told her about Rip,” Sara continued, “But I want you to find him and bring him back.”

John frowned, “Why not tell her?”

“We need her to fix the ship.”

Grimacing John said, “That is…”

“My decision,” Sara replied sharply cutting him off, “Now, find him and get him back here. If you have to knock him out again, do it. But remember you’ll have to carry him.”

“What about the couriers?” John demanded.

“After the crash they’re not working. Jax thinks it’s to do with the energy released by the engines,” Sara told him, “And without Gideon or Ray, resetting them isn’t possible.”

John rolled his eyes, “Bloody typical.”

“Find Rip,” Sara ordered, “And get him back here as fast as possible.”

Leaving him to return to the bridge Sara heard John muttering.

“Join the nutters who time travel, what a bloody good idea.”

#fic #crossover #legends of tomorrow #rip hunter #gideon #john constantine #sara lance #jefferson 'jax' jackson #doctor who #rory william #amy pond #eleventh doctor #the flash #cisco ramon

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fuwafuwamedb · 5 years ago

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A Pain Shared Pt 2 (Hakuno, Gilgamesh)

Previously: 1

___

The pain was diminishing. It still felt like there was something wrong with his hips. It still felt like he was bloated for some reason, but he could breathe again. He felt more like he could walk as well. The woman in front of him had closed her eyes meanwhile, resting away now that she was back in comfort and warmth.

How was she wounded? Who had done it?

The fact that the two of them were experiencing her agony and suffering was a sign that it may have been a cursed object that had been used. Then again, if it was for the first servant to come to Chaldea, then it should have hit that useless assassin or the rider pharaoh that had come before him. He wasn’t the last of the summoned either.

So… How was Hakuno bound in pain to him?

Why was she bound to him?

More importantly, was it the other way around as well?

Being bound to her pain was one thing. This… mystery pain of hers would come to pass, but his own pains in war and battle would be something inconvenient. The woman could tell Gudako that he was suffering. That would mean that Gudako would be more apt to set him on the sidelines and make him stay here.

No.

He had to test this.

It was still possible that his theory was wrong. It could be mere coincidence.

Gilgamesh pulled a dagger from his gates, his eyes going to the woman on the cot a moment before he held the blade to his forearm. The blood pooled slowly as steel bit into his flesh.

“Nngghh…” Hakuno rolled, the pain in his gut churning into existence a bit as the woman covered the same place where he was currently cutting himself.

They were sharing this bond. Wholly.

Gilgamesh cursed again, moving to stand up so he could wrap his arm properly. He went about the process easily enough, finding the infirmary to be well enough organized. The woman nearby shifted, moving to sit up.

She was hurting him by doing that.

“I thought I told you to rest.”

“I’m fine,” she tried to tell him.

“If you were fine, then you would not have fallen asleep a while ago. You should listen to others when they tell you that you need to rest and you should rest. What use are you if not in your best health?”

“Even in a bit of pain, I’m fine.”

She wasn’t listening and he paused as a pain sliced through his abdomen. Glancing back to her, he could see her running for the bathroom again.

Was it a flu?

What was wrong with her?

The door banged shut, blocking him from seeing anything. The woman inside was silent for a few minutes, thankfully not nauseated like she’d been last time.

It gave him time to finish wrapping his wound and to hide away his dagger again.

“…Mister Servant?”

“What is it?” She better not have done something in there.

“…Can you do me a favor?”

Gilgamesh wiped at his face, groaning internally.

There was no way in all the gods’ names that he was going to be doing something foul for this woman. If she was stuck, then she would have to find a way to unstuck herself. He would not be going in to rescue her.

“…Mister Servant?”

“It is Gilgamesh, mongrel. Gilgamesh, not ‘Mister Servant. Address a king properly by title and name!”

Something hit the door as a pain went through him.

“Mister Almighty Great King Gilgamesh then! Can you do a vassal a favor and get me a box from the cabinet?”

He glanced at the cabinets nearby. “…I shall humor you.” Only because of the pain. “What box is it that you are looking for?”

“It says tampons on it and has the words “super plus” written on an orange background. You can’t miss them. They’re in a huge box in the bottom of the cabinet.”

“What are tampons?”

Pain hit again.

The woman was testing him with this nonsensical pain. He was about ready to delve into his gates for something, if only to stop her ailment.

She still hadn’t answered either.

“Woman! What are these tampons?”

“They’re for women! Just- Please, King Gilgamesh of Unparalleled Strength and Might, I really just need that box right now. I can’t leave this room without it.”

Unparalleled strength and might. She was being cute with that nonsense. He moved to the cabinet, opening its little doors and seeing her precious box almost immediately. He had to lift the box out, looking at the bright advertisement on it carefully.

Absorbencies…

Flows…

She was-

Gilgamesh paled, bringing the box to the door and opening it before she could bother to answer. There was no mistaking the misery. The sweat on her brow and the pale features now made sense. The pain made sense.

“Use your precious tampons and meet me in a moment in the other room. I will have something else for you since you are suffering the woman’s curse.”

“Thank you,” she breathed, taking the box and hugging it to her chest. “Thank you.”

He’d seen it before.

Siduri had suffered in such manners. During that time, he would normally have her perched upon a bench that would bake horribly in the sunlight. She would perch herself carefully upon it, draping a thick fabric over her lap so that the natural heat would help her through her struggles. It was normally during this that he would opt to either run messengers or hold festivals. He’d done many methods of avoiding her having to move around greatly.

There were other things that helped as well.

Gilgamesh perused through the gates a moment before he found what he was looking for.

Sweets.

For some reason, confections were the cure to this ailment. Pleasure overwhelmed the pain, bringing light to where there was nothing but darkness in a sufferer’s mind. The moment that Hakuno exited that bathroom, he had her herded straight to the cot again, sitting the pillows of the room behind her a moment before she held the sweets in her hands.

“…You didn’t have to-“

“Eat. The sweetness will help dissipate the pain. You are no use when you are suffering.”

She didn’t turn him down, he found. She opened one of the first treats and downed it, making the smallest sounds of delight.

The pain was lessening, as he had suspected. Siduri’s lessons to him had been correct about the healing properties of culinary desserts for this ailment.

“Thank you again,” Hakuno told him. “I just started and I guess I forgot to stock the bathroom up. I’ve only been working in this room for a couple months since the doctor… since our former doctor was lost. Gudako’s been trying to summon a nurse that’s in the database of heroes, but she hasn’t had any luck yet.”

“Has your pain always been blinding like this?”

The woman nodded, “but this is helping! Thank you.”

“You should not thank someone for doing something in their best interest.” This was for his pain to stop as well. It was not just to see her stuffing her cheeks like a small critter.

“You’re right. I still need to look into your pain. Does it still hurt down there?”

“Slightly.”

The woman nodded. “I could take an x-ray if you’d like. Or I have a fe- I mean, I could have you feel for any abnormalities.”

Abnormalities? Exactly what kinds of problems was she suspecting him of having?

“Have you seen any changes in your pee or-“

He covered her mouth.

She spoke of touching him and then asked in regards to his piss within the same moment. What was wrong with her?

No, he knew what was wrong. Gods, the pain must have been bad from before he’d been summoned. She’d lost her mind alongside her ability to function properly for the time being. Thankfully this was a temporary condition.

It was clear what he had to do.

“Where is your room?”

“My room?”

Gilgamesh stood up, brushing himself off a bit and nodding. “Yes, your room. You need to be resting outside of this place of illness and disease.”

“It’s fine-“

“No, where is your room?”

“King Gilgamesh-“

“I have humored you twice with asking my question. I will not be kind a third time, mongrel.”

She simply stared at him, defiant and impatient. Those eyes almost had a golden quality to them, intriguing him further.

“Your room,” he prodded.

“I don’t have one. I share with Gudako.”

#drabble #drabbles

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francedryer73 · 4 years ago

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friend-o-dorothy · 5 years ago

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The Brittany Spears guardianship argument comes up on my dash a lot and I have a lot of feelings because of what I do for a living. Sometimes I write letters to the court in support of a guardianship decision, but for those not familiar with the language we use, I refer to something called “least restrictive measures.”

Guardianship is the most restrictive measure you can take. You’re essentially saying the person is incapable of caring for themselves, their money, and their health and will either never be able to do so, or that there is no evidence they’ll be able to do so. This essentially leaves ALL major decisions in the hands of the guardian. If someone wants to move, to date, to get married, to have children, to buy a new tv, their guardian must approve first. No official documents can be signed by the person in question, and their guardian has to do that for them. My client (we’ll call him G) is an example where this is appropriate. He would spend all his money on snacks and would be unable to pay rent or bills without support. He does not have the understanding of money to ensure his accounts don’t go over $2,000, which would kick him off Disability after a tax refund, for instance. If he went to the doctor’s office, he would not comprehend what was being said and may agree to actions or decisions that would be harmful to him. He needs his mother, an excellent guardian, to advocate for him and protect him.

The next least restrictive (depending on your state) is partial or temporary guardianship. This may mean someone who is recovering from a TBI or a mental health crisis who needs support for now but will ultimately recover at which time all rights are returned back to them. A student of mine, A, opted for this decision with her family after she obtained a TBI in a car accident. She would regain her memory and motor function with time, but for a period she was unable to communicate effectively and could not advocate for herself as a result.

Then you can look at power of attourney. POA is a good option for someone who is fairly high functioning but struggles with big medical or financial decisions. You can get POA over money and/or health decisions. This has been a great solution for students who are 18 or 19 with a disability. They don’t know how to manage their money yet, but are learning, or may not understand all of their medical needs, but are learning. It’s very easy to lift POA when someone is more ready. This is common with aging parents but also people with disabilities. A client of mine, R, opted for financial POA because while he was very capable in a lot of areas, he still struggled with money and wanted his mom’s help.

The least restrictive measure is something called supported decision making. This is something we all largely do to some extent. If I wanted a new TV I may ask a friend who just bought one what their experience was like. They may give me advice, but ultimately the final decision rests with me. This is what we always advocate for first if at all possible. This gives the client agency and autonomy and there are no legal measures taken. This means the client chooses experts to consult regarding money, health, employment, and personal care and will consult those people before making any big decisions, but that at the end of the day, even if the choice may have negative consequences, it’s their RIGHT to make the choice. This can be frustrating as a caretaker, because sometimes clients make decisions that are harmful to themselves or others and must face the full consequences of those actions. However, if we really believe in supporting the independence of the people we work with, then we need to BELIEVE in their right to make mistakes. Who among us hasn’t made a mistake?! Mistakes are a vital part of growing up. It’s how we learn and improve and develop into who we are going to be. To take that away from someone you better have a damned good reason.

There are times when each of these is the correct choice for that individual. I don’t know Brittany Spears personally. I haven’t looked at her case file, I don’t know her diagnoses. However, it does appear that despite having a very public life she has been largely scandal free, living a quiet and normal life, and raising her kids successfully for nearly a decade.

One parent I know has attempted to get guardianship of each of her kids. She managed with one, and settled for POA on another. In neither case was it appropriate or necessary and she only won because she is very smart and hired very smart lawyers. The system can fail in this way. A good lawyer can erase the autonomy you have a right to. And as an 18 year old, you many not have the resources or know-how to fight the decision.

So if you really believe in the rights of people with disabilities you’ll follow the pathway from least restrictive to most, only ruling out least restrictive measures if absolutely necessary. And unfortunately it doesn’t seem like that happened in her case. It gives me big Female Hysteria Institution vibes. We have moved away from the physical institutions, but the attitude that says “I get to make decisions FOR you because I don’t LIKE your decisions” is very much prevalent and real. And it’s unacceptable.

#mine #social work #disability rights

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d-other-i · 5 years ago

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10.30 pm – 12/08/17 – Day 01

The bus set out from Bangalore, a slight delay, thanks to which I was able to grab some food! In about 14 hours, the bus would take me far away from the original intended destination.

A coffee never hurt, especially when stuck without a plan!!!

7am – 13/08/17 – Day 02

The morning found me staring into the countryside, its overcast gray skies, and the semi barren fields in against the rust red of the iron ore on the road! Hampi was still 2 hours away. What started as a trip to Gandikota in AP, was inching towards Hampi in North Karnataka!

The previous two days had gone by in a blur! With no plan, and no tickets to Kurnool, last minute changes had to be done to ensure that there atleast was a trip! The only other place that I could think of then was Hampi! Good thing I already had tickets to Bangalore! All that was left was to find a ticket to Hampi from Bangalore and from Hampi to Chennai! A colleague (now, wife) helped with the bus planning and booking a stop-over stay at Bangalore!

After almost an entire day of roaming, a café in Bangalore gave enough time to Google up Hampi and possible places of stay there! A few phone calls later, one place asked me to call them again on reaching! Wondering if the plans would materialize, strolled around Bangalore a little bit more, met some friends, and finally when it was time, boarded the bus to Hampi! The one persistent thought however, was what If there was no accommodation?! It was after-all a long weekend!

A gust of wind ensured I was back, staring at the overcast skies, the broken down trucks along the highway and the oodles of rust on the road. After a lengthy detour post Ballari, the bus ambled into the dusty little town of Hospet! Hampi is 16 km from here! Found a couple who were also headed the same way, grabbed an auto to share charges and off we went!

Dropping them off at their shack, I went about looking for the contact I had spoken to! Funny thing, with the mountains and boulders all around, there was very little network. Finding the place was a task, but thankfully, the temple town isn’t too large and finally, reached the homestay.

A small but a neat place, it was located very close to the Virupaksha temple.

** To those who plan to visit Hampi, there are basically 3 options for accommodation. Those that plan to do the trip by their own vehicles can stay at Hospet, or at Kamalapur (close to Hampi). The other two options are to stay at the temple town itself in its few homestays, or stay at Virupapur Gaddi, across the river! Those that stay at Hampi should be aware that the food available would be completely vegetarian fare since it is a temple town! The hippie town on the other bank however is for those with a palate for a wider spectrum of food, although the last coracle/boat is at 6 pm, after which the only other way is a 30 odd km detour! **

The family that ran the place were warm, and although the room they had planned to accommodate me in wasn’t empty till later that day, they found a temporary room for me on the first floor! The terrace had an amazing view, of the Virupaksha temple on one side, the Mathanga hill on the other side with the distant Tugabhadra river gurgling away in the distance! It was indeed blissful to spend time under the overcast skies on the terrace, with the multiple temples and halls on the Hemkuta hills for company!

View of the Hemakuta hills

The main road into Hampi

Mathanga hill from the guesthouse!

Freshened up, and having some nice toast with butter and jam for breakfast! I set out into the temple town! The first spot was the famous Virupaksha temple. Unlike many other temples in Hampi, the Virupaksha temple is still active, and the pujas are conducted here. One interesting aspect of the temple is the “pin-hole” camera effect, where a small hole on the wall inside a small room within the temple makes it act as a pin hole camera, forming a perfect inverted image of the main gopuram on the opposite wall.

Virupaksha Temple

Origin of Hampi:

The name Hampi is evolved from Pampa, the ancient name of the river Tungabhadra. Also Pampa is the daughter of Brahma, the Creator God. She was a devoted worshiper of Shiva, the God of Destruction. Impressed by her dedication Shiva offered her a boon and she opted to marry him! The place thus came to be known as Pampakshetra (land of Pampa) and Shiva as Pampapathi (consort of Pampa).

The Hemakuta Hill in Hampi is the place, according to the myth, Shiva did his penance before marrying Pampa. Kama , the God of Love, felt sympathy for Pampa for her love towards Shiva. He disturbed Shiva from his deep meditation. That attracted Shiva’s wrath. Known for his anger, Shiva burned Kama with his third (fiery) eye. Rathi, Goddess of Passion and also Kama’s consort pleaded for mercy with Shiva. Shiva grants Kama’s life back, but only as a character and not as a physical being.

On Shiva’s marriage with Pampa Gods from the heaven showered gold on the place. This hill in Hampi is called Heamakuta, literally means heap of gold.

All these places have immense religious significance for the Hindus in south India, especially the devotees of Lord Shiva. In the beginning Pampa was a local folk deity. Through the concept of a marriage with Shiva, goddess Pampa is associated into the pantheon of the Hindu gods.

The places mentioned here has a continuous religious history ever since known timeframe. It just happened that the Vijayanagara Empire came in-between and gone as an episode in Hampi’s long history. Even today the annual ceremonial marriage festival & the betrothal are important festivals in Hampi. With time, Shiva became more popular here as Virupaksha. Virupaksha, an incarnation of Shiva, literally means the one with oblique eye. This refers to the fact that Shiva has three eyes. The third fire eye on his forehead opens when he do the destruction.

As a tourist you can visit Virupaksha Temple (the main functioning temple in Hampi), Hemakuta hill (with about 40 temples concentrated on it), Pampa Sarovar (where Pampa did penance) and of course the river Tungabadhra.

Kishkinda Episode: A popular folklore associates the landscape in Hampi with the Hindu epic Ramayana. The monkey kingdom, Kishkinda, is portrayed as the region around Hampi. Anjayaneya Hill, located across the river Tungabhadra, is believed to be the birth place of Hanuman.

For the Prahlada episode see the Story of Narasimha. You’ll find this man-lion incarnation of Lord Vishnu icon at many sites in Hampi including the Vittala Temple and Lakshmi Narasimha Temple .

The curiously named, Bhima’s Gateway located on the way to Vittala Temple from Kamalapura has a beautiful panel of Keechaka episode that happened during the exile of Pandava’s. On the left is the image of Draupathi tying up her hair after Bhima slayed Duhsasana. Right image portrays Bhima killing Keechaka.

Below is the panel of Bhima with a flower bud describing the Saugandhika flower episode

In Hampi you’ll find this theme of adolescent Krishna stealing cloths of cowherd girls (Krishna on the tree with Gopis pleading with their hands folded in reverence). There is one pillar with this theme carved on one of the the slender pillars of the Kadalekalu Ganesha and another beautiful one at the Pattabhirama Temple, though a damaged due to vandalism.

Those finally end up in Hampi invariably wonder how on earth such a landscape got created! Well, you have two choices to find a solace: one in geology and the other in mythology. (Source: Hampi.in)

Ambling through the ancient temple, one cannot help but wonder how many generations of men and women this place must have borne, the amount of prayers heard, right from the greedy selfish ones to the most selfless of prayers when the Vijayanagar Empire was attacked by the Sultanate rulers. But, despite all odds, the temple still stands, a mute testimony to the will power of the humans that ensured that at least some of the grandeur was not lost to the elements of time. The vast temple, led to an equally majestic tank on the side of the river.

Manmatha Tank

The temple is the center of activity in Hampi. While the road spread out on the South towards Kamalapur and onward to the highway linking it to Bangalore, the North side towards the Tungabhadra river is full of an assortment of homestays, restaurants and shops for various trinkets! Whether they are authentic, is anybody’s guess! A little walk from the temple leads to the ghats along the River, boats, both powered and hand paddled take one across for a small fare!

Tungabhadra river

To the South and the east of the Virupaksha temple are some of the more important ruins (did not have enough time to try explore the western side!). On the south, are the famous Hemakuta hills, and the large mandapams on the hills. Two major spots on these hills are the Kadalekalu Ganesa and a little further, the Sasivekalu Ganesa!

Kadalekalu Ganesha

Entrance to Kadalekalu Ganesha Temple

Other structures on the Hemakuta Hill

View to the temple town from the Hemakuta Hill

The town is completely dotted with the ruins of the ancient Vijayanagar empire, so much so that it is hard not to see the remnants of the past! One cannot help but wonder how magnificent the city would have been in its heyday, if it can evoke such an awe when most of the city is in ruins!

Bang opposite the Virupaksha temple, is a large open space now used as makeshift stalls and car parking! There, are a series of a colonnaded ruins extending almost a kilometer to the east! These are called the bazaar street, and housed the markets related to the temple activities in the past! They were also said to have housed the residences of the nobles of the era!

View of the Virupaksha temple from the end of the bazaar street

A portion of the ruins of the bazaar!

View of the Virupaksha temple from the end of the bazaar street

Way to Nandi Mandapa

The far end of the bazaar street has a grand staircase with a large mandapa! The mandapa houses a massive Nandi which overlooks the entire bazaar and onward to the Lord Shiva!

Nandi Mandapa

Beyond the Nandi Mandapa lies a small trail that leads to the little less frequented, but very imposing ruins of the Achyutaraya Temple!!

Way to Achyutaraya Temple

Achyutadevaraya, who came to power succeeding his elder brother Krishnadevaraya built this temple in 1529. The presiding deity was Lord Thiruvengalanatha, a form of Vishnu! (Source: Karnataka State Website!)

First glimpse of the Achyutaraya temple

The temple, located at the Southern end of the grand Courtesan Street is a sight to behold from up the Matanga Hill from where one gets to appreciate the massive scale of the street and the beauty of the temple from an unconventional viewing angle! The temple, although in ruins does make one wonder about the glorious past!

Inner Courtyard

Carved colonnades around the temple court!

Sculptures in the mandapas!

Almost 300 years on, the glory still remains!

View of the Matanga Hill temple from Achyutaraya temple!

View of the gopuram!

What remains of a glorious past!

Walking out of the main gopuram of the Achyutaraya temple, one encounters a rather massive open area with large pillared platforms on either side. This is the Courtesan Street. (The temple is accessed via this large pathway, with the trail through the Nandi mandapa being the alternate route!)

In the peak of its time, the place was a thriving market of gems, pearls, ivory etc. For some reason, this place was called the Sule Bazaar (The Prostitute’s Market). About 500m long and 50m wide, the market was once thronged by merchants far and wide. (Source: http://www.Hampi.in )

Courtesan’s Street

The Courtesan’s Street, at its Northern end meets the Kampa Bhupa’s path (the riverside path. Source: hampi.in), along the Tungabhadra river. There are the Varahaswami temple and the Ranganatha swamy temple nearby.

A small trail from near the Achyutharaya temple leads up the Matanga hill on the Eastern side. There is another path on the Western side as well. The western route seems to be used more often. While the easter side is doable, there are a lot of overgrowth due to minimal movement!

Walking along the outer couryard of the Achyutaraya temple, I met up with a fellow backpacker who was also doing a solo trip to Hampi. We decided to explore the places together from there on! Next up, was Mathanga Hill!

A view of the Achyutaraya temple from above!

Way to Matanga Hill!

A view of Achyutara temple and the Courtesan’s Street from Matanga Hill

Hampi from above!

View of the Virupaksha Temple from Matanga Hill!

Matanga Hill is one of the holy places described in the Ramayana! It is said to be the place where Sage Matanga was, and had given protection to Sugreeva, the King of Kishkinta! There is a Veeerabhadra temple atop the hill!

Although it was close to dusk, we dint quite wait for the sunset, although we were at the right spot, since it was quite hazy, and we had to visit the Vithala temple next! Getting down from the Mathanga Hill from the western side, we made our way back up along the Nandi mandapa, and then on to the Courtesan’s Street to get to the river path towards the Vithala Temple!

View from the Mathanga hill showing the Courtesan Street, the Pushkarni (right side) and the path leading to the Vithala temple from the Varahaswami temple!

Way to Vithala Temple

Along the rocky path that leads to the Vithala temple, are a series of boulders that form a natural cave!

It is said that one of these caves were used by Sugreeva, the King of Kishkinta. It is also said that he used this place to hide the jewels which Sita dropped when she was abducted by Ravana and that Surgeeva met with Lord Rama and Lakshmana near these caves! A number of footprints seen on the floor of these caves are said to be that of Lord Rama and Lakshmana!

Sugreeva s Caves

A short walk from here is the Vithala temple. The King’s balance and the Purandaradasa mandapam are enroute!

Vithala Temple

The Vittala Temple, is one of the most iconic structures of Hampe, made even more famous by the induction of the Stone Chariot in the Rs 50 currency note! The presiding deity of the temple is Vittala, a form of Lord Vishnu. This form of the Lord was worshipped here as the main deity of the cattle herds!

Built in the 15th Century, the templs has grand hallways and a large pavilions and temples, besides the afore mentioned stone chariot! Outside the temple, are a series of colonnaded structure, the Vittala market place and the ruins of an ancient Shiva temple. The temple itself opens out into a kilometer long passageway, probably large enough for Chariots. There are remnants of a large tank along this passageway!

Entering the temple from the Eastern gateway, one is greeted by the Stone Chariot. This chariot is rumoured to have had the stone wheels rotating about its axis! The Chariot houses the shrine for Garuda, the vaahana for Lord Vishnu!

Stone chariot! Note the rear wheel, where the gap between the axle and the hub is more on the bottom than on the top, indicating that the wheel was indeed free to rotate about the axle! It is also believed that the structure was painted with natural/mineral dyes!

Unfortunately for us, the temple was very crowded, thanks to the Independence day weekend, and the day being a Sunday! Unlike the Achyutaraya temple, we could not have the Vittala temple for ourselves! Greedy, indeed!

A smaller mandapa within the Vittala Temple complex!

A little beyond the Chariot is the main building, the Maha mandapa! Ornately carved, the building is famous for its Musical Pillars! These are small series of stone pillars carved out of a monolithic block! Each of these smaller pillars when tapped emit a specific musical note! This stands testimony to the fine Architectural skills of the craftsmen and at the same time, the level of understand and the cohesion of arts that was possibly prevalant at the time!

Ornately carved columns, depicting the mythical creature, YAAZHI. The sculptures of this creature is found across south India, with similarfeatures, making one wonder if they actually existed!

Intricate stone carving stands testimony to the craftsmanship of the time!

The details along the roof, deft and intricate!

View of the gopuram from within the complex!

Rear side of the temple complex

With the crowd being on the higher side, we decided to leave earlier that planned. We also decided, we would try and make it to the Vittala temple again the next morning!

We headed back out to Hampi along the same river bank route!

The view of the Sugreeva cave from the Narasimha Temple complex

A short detour later, we were at the Virupaksha temple, parting ways deciding to rent bicyles for the next day’s trip! A sumptuous meal at Mango Tree (highly recommended!) done, I settled down at the home stay!

The Tungabhadra river bank along the way…

Parting shot for the day.. Virupaksha temple, in the lights!

A tiring day done, I wound up at the new room! Not the view the earlier one had, but I wasn’t complaining! Having walked miles upon miles, sleep took over in no time……

A view of the Achyutaraya temple from above!

Where Gods Walked…….. (2) 10.30 pm – 12/08/17 – Day 01 The bus set out from Bangalore, a slight delay, thanks to which I was able to grab some food!

#Architecture #backpack #culture #landscape #nature #photo blog #travel #travelogue

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argyrocratie · 6 years ago

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Beginning of agriculture

We know that while all hunter-gatherer societies are stateless and in material terms egalitarian, we also know that they cover a great range from mildly patriarchal and gerontocratic to resolutely anti-authoritarian. A society of the former type could potentially develop kinship and religious hierarchies once agriculture gave them the opportunities for denser populations, fixed territoriality, craft specialization, and inheritance.

Examining studies on the earliest agriculture, a few things become apparent. For one, sedentary living preceded full-scale agriculture. At Chogha Golan, settlement began around 10,000 BCE, cultivation of wild cereals began around 9500 BCE, and the first domesticated crops appeared around 7800 BCE, roughly mirroring the timeline elsewhere in the Fertile Crescent. This is no paradox. Hunter-gatherer societies can be roughly divided into two modes, foragers and collectors. The latter, in response to ecological conditions, are not fully nomadic. Rather, in certain seasons, they settle in semi-permanent camps to take advantage of a temporary bounty (e.g. the salmon run or the ripening of an abundant fruit, nut, or grain) or to pass the winter, surviving off smoked meats, nuts and grains, or other foods stored up throughout the year. Collectors tend to specialize more in the gathering of especially abundant foods. Hunter-gatherers in the Fertile Crescent may have had semi-permanent settlements in the winter or in the summer months when the abundant wild cereals ripened, and they may well have returned to the same settlements year after year, eventually building permanent structures.

At these settlements, they would have noticed an increase in the growth of the very cereals they collected, as a result of transported seeds falling to the earth, seeds passing intact through the human digestive tract, and so on. Eventually, with just a little extra effort, they might begin to put aside a part of these seeds to sow later, making the natural supply even more abundant. But why take the labor-intensive next steps, when so many other collector societies did not? What else might have induced hunter-gatherers to take the step to permanent sedentary settlement?

We know that sacred sites played an important role in many early states and in the stateless agricultural societies that preceded them, some hierarchical, others horizontal. We also know that nomadic hunter-gatherers had sacred sites where they might go for visions or to perform certain rituals or make spiritual art, from rock carvings to more ephemeral kinds that have not survived the passage of time. Such sites were often in out-of-the-way places or along seasonal migration routes, and not connected to permanent settlement.

It turns out, though, that there is at least one example of hunter-gatherers erecting a permanent monumental site, and it just so happens to be in the Fertile Crescent, dating to a few hundred years before the appearance of proto-agricultural settlements.

The Göbleki Tepe site in the southeast of modern-day Turkey dates to around 11,600 years ago. There, hunter-gatherers made a monument consisting of rings of large stones, up to five meters high, arranged in concentric circles and engraved with animal motifs. The stones weighed between ten and twenty metric tons; placing them therefore required a large group of people and advanced techniques.

If hunter-gatherers in the region had permanent sites, what if these sites also had permanent residents, religious hermits supported by the offerings of visiting pilgrims and by their own activities, which came to include agriculture? It may be feasible that over-hunting in a region populated by many semi-sedentary bands of collectors forced the residents to either move away or take the step to more intensive forms of plant cultivation, yet the symbolic weight of such a decision and the role of spiritual and cultural criteria in its outcome should not be underestimated. The shift to agriculture could never have been a simple calculation of calories per unit of labor because it called into question the very worldview and relationship with nature of those who undertook it. Such a shift would have required a site of spiritual production.

Contrary to ideological mumbo-jumbo regarding “surplus” and “subsistence economies,” hunter-gatherer societies are perfectly capable of supporting a large proportion of non-productive members, namely the old and the young. Supporting a specialized group of holy people would have been perfectly within their means. A minority of religious hermits living at monumental or sacred sites might not account for the greater part of proto-agricultural settlements. But given the widespread use of semi-permanent, seasonal dwellings by collectors across the world, I think that the greatest leap is not between pure hunting and gathering and a diversified cultivation of wild plants, but between the latter and the labor-intensive clearing of land to plant domesticated crops, together with permanent settlement.

Sedentary religious hermits not only would have aided in the process of innovation and domestication (living at a permanent site and without the distractions of society they would have been privileged observers to the natural processes that led to domestication), [212] they would also have provided an example for the holiness of sedentary living and the magic of co-opting natural processes, shaping the environment, tracing human aesthetics on the natural world (ever a fascination for a symbolic species), and giving birth to other species.

Over time, as sedentary settlements gave rise to trade networks and populations grew, the spiritual practice would have intensified. We can imagine shamans who were supported by offerings and gifts and who earned their status through charismatic performances, skill in healing, or ability in other artistic techniques, who lived at sites of spiritual significance that became the destination of pilgrimages and thus nodes of trade. As spiritual/material trade expanded, these holy people could take on disciples, eventually founding hierarchical religious orders that spread through the very trade networks that sustained them. Those orders that executed their functions more out of love for status than out of love for gift-giving, healing, and spiritual experiences would develop authoritarian values that would result in the expansion of internal hierarchies—initially just a pedagogical organization dividing masters, intermediates, and novices. Authoritarian orders within the network would unite, since their logic favored the accumulation of power over the unimpeded search for truth, meaning, and ecstasy. A clash between these different spiritualities may also be a point of origin for the first specifically anti-authoritarian, state-resisting cultural practices.

The development of agriculture was above all a spiritual development, and in every single instance in which this spiritual economy arose, it had the opportunity to promote a tolerance for hierarchy, the specialization of ritual, and the monopolization of occult knowledge, or to promote spiritual commoning and to make ecstatic, transformative experiences available to all. In the former case, the earliest predecessor to a politogen would be intimately connected to a cultural complex binding agricultural methods, spiritual values, and organizational principles. Authoritarian and anti-authoritarian versions of this cultural complex slowly spread across multiple continents.

In the thousands of years that followed, these cultures had the chance to blend, to reverse their directions, or to intensify. Once agriculture was generalized and became the practice, not of spiritual enclaves but of entire societies, hierarchy was probably forced to take several steps back. Next to a growing population that was no longer nomadic, and therefore less inclined to undertake pilgrimages, the preexisting spiritual centers probably faced a sharp decrease in their relative importance. It would take a long time for spiritual hierarchies to either reemerge in each agricultural settlement, or for the earlier spiritual centers to reestablish themselves as regional capitals, once the growth of population and crafts broke the immobility and self-sufficiency of the agricultural settlements and allowed spiritual/material trade to flourish again.

— Peter Gelderloos “Worshiping Power: An Anarchist View of Early State Formation” chapter XI

#peter gelderloos #ancient history #history #anarchism #religion

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