#I mean it IS my fault bc I haven’t finished reading everything but like it’s also. not my fault I’m sorry

[sakhafa]

upsetti from my meeting w my supervisor 😞

[roses-for-rosalyn]

Hey sweetheart, I have this idea about cop!Ellie and cop!reader I've never shared bc I'm so shy to ask, but if you are open to write about it here it is.(sorry if something doesn't make sense inglish is not my first lenguage)

Well Ellie and reader are work partners and they don't really like each other because Ellie is kinda mean?(she is the director btw) but there's a tension between them anyways. So they have a night shift together and on the way in the car the reader begins to flirt, like touching ellie's thigh, and she stops in a field and fucks the reader brains out<33

-💌

This took forever but I hope I did your idea justice!

a/n: sorry I haven’t written anything in so long, life is crazy

Ellie x reader

Wc: 3k (roughly)

Minors dni 🔞 (I will jump through your screen and poke you in the eyes I stg)

CWs: police officer! Ellie and reader, play girl Ellie, fem reader, cop stuff idk, enemies to lovers (ish?), thigh riding, overstim, oral (r! receiving), fingering (r! receiving), multiple orgasms

—

As a small town cop things rarely became dangerous, so on the rare occasion things did go awry no one was really prepared. You got a call about a car speeding through town at about 90 miles an hour. It quickly becomes a chase with Williams at the wheel. Before she even starts catching up to the car you both begin bickering on what roads to take to catch up and who can read the license plate better. The world becomes a blur as the car picks up speed, the roaring of the engine and the sound of the sirens make it hard to hear anything.

You attempt to shout over the noise, “Williams we might be able to catch them if we take-”

“Shutthefuckup I know what I’m doing!” She yells back even louder, more irritated because you dared tell her what to do. She didn’t even let you finish and she missed the turn that would have taken you ahead of the car to block their path.

“Williams we’re gonna lose ‘em.” You couldn’t convince her, you’re not sure anyone could have. The car takes a sudden turn and she misses it, she quickly reverses and turns down the dirt road only for the car to disappear from sight. She tries to make a few turns but it’s useless, these roads went in every direction with thick woods surrounding them. Even townies got lost in there.

She slows the car down eventually coming to a stop in the middle of the road and quietly mutters “Fuck.” under her breath.

“Maybe you should have listened to the directional advice from someone who was fucking born here instead of trying to do everything yourself.” You can’t help but notice you scolded her like a primary school teacher, but she makes it so hard when she acts like this.

“Please I don’t need a fucking ‘I told you so’ talk right now.” She huffs.

“I hope you know this is completely your fault, I can’t fucking believe-”

“I swear to god if you keep talking I’m going to kick you out of this goddamn car.” She turns and looks at you straight in the eye, challenging you. Her tone is eerily calm. You narrow your gaze but say nothing, turning to look straight ahead. And with that she drives you both back to the station, defeated with only half of the criminal's license plate.

- -

Patrol partners are supposed to be friends- Or at least friend-ly. That’s what anyone would assume, you have to spend every day together, not getting along would just result in various inconvenient miscommunications and misunderstandings.

Yeah, well you weren’t that lucky. Your patrol partner is Ellie Williams aka “Williams” according to her various male coworkers. Her female coworkers tended to lean more towards nicknames like “whore” or “slut” considering she hooked up with a couple of them and then acted like she barely knew them at work the next day and did it all over again. She had to start finding hookups outside the station last month because all her go-tos had refused her unless she wanted something serious. On top of that the few that she got with turned the rest of the girls against her, all she had left was you and all the guys at the station- and you didn’t really count since you were forced to be with her. This meant recently she was particularly irritable considering she couldn’t find a lot- if any- women to relieve any of her tension, so patrolling with her for the past 30 days has been hell.

On a more positive note it made gossiping with your coworkers over coffee the best part of your day. They would talk about their hookups which would inevitably lead back to shit talking Williams- which you would enthusiastically participate in considering how she treated you on the job. However they all agreed that they tolerated it for as long as they did because the sex was good. And you believed them because they had to put up with some crazy bullshit from her. A tiny part of you yearned for them to explain just how good it was, but you’d never ever give in to that curiosity.

Williams- on the rare occasion she would say anything- was mean, she would make snide comments all the time no matter what task you were taking on. She had some sort of superiority complex because she was- admittedly- very good at her job. She had transferred from some big city to your small town station and she had much more experience. She was incredibly skilled at taking people down when she needed to. However, compared to her old job, barely anything happens here. When something did happen she would insist on taking over the task almost every single time, the only thing she couldn’t trump you in was de-escalation. She was terrible at communication and that was most of the job. Calls would mostly be noise complaints or welfare checks, so you took the lead for those and it drove her crazy. She couldn’t stand being inferior to anyone, especially on the job. So you were squabbling constantly.

And for some reason tonight she was in a particularly bad mood. You’re stationed on the side of the road, keeping watch for anyone disobeying any road safety laws and Williams is silent. Not particularly unusual, but her body language was odd, she was weirdly tense. She sat fidgeting with her hands, picking at her cuticles, occasionally glancing up if she heard a car. Nothing in you wanted to show you cared at all for her, because you didn’t, but at this point you were so bored you didn’t care if you started one of your usual squabbles.

“Something wrong Williams?” You tentatively ask.

“ ‘m fine, just tired.” she says, still not glancing up.

“You seem offly tense for a tired person.” You try to push her a bit.

She finally looks up at you, her expression remaining neutral “Considering your observations, you really think now’s a good time to test me sweetheart?” God you hated when she called you that, she refused to refer to you by your last name, always resorting to some condescending nickname.

You roll your eyes, just as you were about to respond a staticky voice interrupts, asking for anyone available for a call about a noise complaint about two minutes away. Ellie picks up the walkie and calls in saying she could take it and starts the car.

You drive there in silence and to no one’s surprise it’s Mrs. Taylor. She frequently calls at night whenever she hears her teenage neighbors so much as talk loud enough for her to hear. And every time she would make you both walk over to them and ask them to quiet down.

This time though when you got out of the car you could hear muffled music coming from the neighbor’s all the way from Mrs. Taylor’s lawn. You walk up to her door, Williams following silently, and knock gently a couple of times. You hear soft shuffling, a lock clicking and then the door opens revealing the grumpy old woman’s tired face. She’s wearing a long dusty pink robe, striped pajama pants and ratty slippers, clearly she had been recently woken up by the noise.

“Hello Mrs. Taylor.” You smile politely.

“Hello dear.” She smiles back at you, but falters for a moment when she spots your partner, refusing to acknowledge her presence. She used to babysit all the kids in the neighborhood, you were always her favorite. She treated everyone else like they were some sort of pest, especially outsiders.

“Neighbors bothering you again?” You already knew the answer, but you felt the need to be polite.

“I can’t sleep with all that ruckus, rotten children they are. Too bad too, they used to be the sweetest when they were little.” She shook her head.

“Alright we’ll get it all sorted out, you can go back to bed.” You nod your head.

The old woman smiles before reaching forward and pinching your cheek while saying “You’re so good to me dear. Come over for dinner some time so I can make it up to you.”

“Just doing my job ma'am.” You reassure her.

“Well, goodnight. Call me tomorrow morning and we’ll sort something out.” She begins shuffling backwards, and grabs the door handle.

“Good night Mrs. Taylor.” You wave at her and she closes the door.

“God you’re unbelievable.” Ellie scoffs from behind you.

“What?” you turn around to face her.

“Would it kill you to be nice to me like that once in a while?” For the life of you you could not figure out where this was coming from.

“You have to earn it.” You retort, while beginning to walk to the neighbors house. Ellie just huffs and jogs a bit to catch up to you, god forbid you get ahead of her in any way.

You make your way to the house, the bass rattling your teeth by the time you're on the front stoop. Ellie takes her usual spot behind you and you knock loudly, bashing your fist against the door. Hopefully someone hears so you don’t have to make a scene, they weren’t bad kids. Sure enough the music turns off and the door opens slowly revealing a set of scared, round eyes.

“Hey Kelly.” You knew her well from the past complaints, she was pretty polite especially for a teenager. The poor girl was practically shaking. “You probably know why we’re here.” She nods slowly. “Ok, so just do us a favor and turn your music down so we don’t get another call from Mrs. Taylor alright?” you say gently, knowing when you’re in uniform everything about you was intimidating enough without you having to yell.

“Th-that’s it?” She asks, her whole body shaking with adrenaline at this point.

“Yup, just make sure this doesn’t happen again. Shouldn’t have the volume that high anyway, it’s bad for your hearing.” You smile, “Probably don’t want to go deaf by the time you’re 20.”

Kelly just nods again “O-ok thank you. We’ll keep it down, promise.”

“Alright have a good night, stay out of trouble.” You turn away and Ellie does the same.

The walk back to the car is silent except for the steady hum of cicadas. You’re about to put your seatbelt on when Ellie says “So what do I have to do?”

You pause your movements, “What?”

“What do I have to do to earn it?” When you still look confused she elaborates “You being nice to me. What do I have to do to earn that?”

“I don’t know. With the way you treat me it’s almost like you enjoy me being mean to you.” You let out a dry laugh.

She slowly leans towards you, “Oh, I do.” She says, her tone changing completely, her voice becomes raspy and deep, almost like a whisper and a smirk tugs at her lips. “I love making you mad, but something tells me you’re even more delightful when you’re all sweet like that.”

“Williams what-” She leans even closer, inches away from your face and suddenly you forgot everything that wasn’t Ellie. You couldn’t utter a word if you tried.

“Tell me.” Her eyes flicker from yours to your lips. “What.” Her lips are so close you can almost feel her words. “To do.” You let out a sigh and give in, abandoning all logic you press your lips against hers. She stiffens but then her hands automatically move to cup your jaw so she can deepen the kiss. Her tongue swipes across your lips, inviting them to open. You can’t really move, unable to completely process what’s happening. She’s so warm and soft and everything you didn’t expect.

She starts making her way down to your neck, exploring your reactions as she kisses and sucks at the sensitive skin. A small whimper escapes from your lips, and Ellie is sure she’s never heard something more intoxicating.

“Williams-” She finds a particular spot behind your ear that causes you to let out a quiet moan, making you forget how to speak for a moment.

“W-we can’t do this here, you know that.” She stops and moves her head to meet your gaze.

“You’re right, we should probably find someplace where we don’t run the risk of teenagers or Mrs. Taylor finding us.” That wasn’t what you meant but it was probably the first time she had ever agreed with you the entire time you’ve been partners.

--

She pulls off the road into a field and as soon as she parks she immediately starts where she left off. Somehow she knew exactly how to reduce you to a whimpering mess in mere moments. In between kisses she whispers “Take off your belt.” Her tone was so sure and dominant it sent a wave of arousal straight to your center. You do as she says, you forgot you had put on your utility belt for the call, but she clearly took note. You try not to move too much as she continues marking up your skin. She stops again, “Now get in the back.” She doesn’t wait for your response before taking her own utility belt off, leaving it in the front seat and opening her door. It was a little more work in a patrol car considering there were bars separating the front and backseat, but at this point neither of you cared much.

Ellie is first to sit down in the back and shut the door behind her, you do the same and crawl over to straddle her lap. “You feelin a little eager, sweetheart?” She looks at you with that obnoxious smirk on her face, but this time it didn’t annoy you as much as it usually did. You kiss the grin off her face before moving to her neck, listening to her little sighs and moans as you press your lips to her soft skin. The noises she’s making send arousal straight to your aching center and you begin to grind down on her lap, desperate for some kind of relief. She starts taking off your belt with trembling, eager fingers and throws it off to the side. You reach for hers as she untucks your shirt and begins unbuttoning it as quickly as she could, leaving you in your tank top. Your lips meet hers and the kisses grow hungrier by the second, each of you becoming more and more eager to undress the other.

As you begin to unfasten Ellie’s shirt she sighs in frustration, “Jesus christ all these fucking layers are driving me crazy.”

You laugh and say in between kisses, “Gotta make you work for it Williams.” With that she rips off your tank top, and immediately begins groping your breasts over your bra. You moan into her mouth and begin to grind down onto her even harder. Ellie notices and spreads her legs a bit, moving your leg in between hers so you were straddling her thigh. Relief rushes through you as you lower down onto her muscular thigh and begin moving your hips back and forth. She reaches behind you to unclasp your bra leaving your top half bare for her. She can’t resist breaking the kiss to move her focus to your chest, taking your nipple in her mouth with a satisfied hum. A soft whine escapes your lips as her warm tongue circles your sensitive nipples. Her hands have a steady hold on your hips, encouraging you to move against her thigh, harder and faster. Yours have found a home in her hair, tugging harder and harder as your pleasure builds on itself causing Ellie to groan as arousal begins to pool in her boxers.

“Get up.” Ellie commands in a hoarse whisper that sends butterflies straight to your cunt. You climb off her and lean against the car door. The sight of you in the dim moonlight, topless with spread legs and unzipped pants, a fucked out expression on your face almost has Ellie coming right then and there. She unties your shoes and gently removes them, before grabbing the hem of your pants and tugging them down in one swift motion. She crawls between your legs and wraps her arms around each of your thighs, gently kissing a path to your dripping cunt. A wet spot had formed on your panties causing your face to become hot from embarrassment, but Ellie seemed to have a different reaction “God you’re so beautiful, it’s driving me crazy.” She begins teasing you over the fabric of your underwear, running her fingers up and down your slit. A whimper escapes your lips as a silent plea for more, but she continues teasing. She finally pulls the fabric of your underwear to the side and takes a moment before gently blowing on your soaked folds.

“Please-” you manage to whimper as the cool air from Ellie’s lips hits your warm center sending a pleasurable shock through you. You would expect for her to make you beg for it, but she immediately obliged, licking a line from your dripping entrance to your clit. You gasp and grip on to her hair, searching for anything to hold on to as pleasure overwhelms every one of your senses. Ellie groans at the feeling as she begins gently licking at your clit, teasing you. The sound sends vibrations through your lower body and you moan at the feeling, now losing any control you had over the volume of your voice. She begins moving her tongue in circles over your sensitive bud as she teases your entrance with a slender finger. You let out the loudest moan yet, encouraging Ellie to plunge her finger further inside you. It slides in easily, arousal practically coating your thighs at this point. Suddenly she hits the spot causing a desperate whiny “Oh fuck,” To escape from your swollen lips as you clench lightly around her finger. She adds a second, the feeling of her two fingers causes a satisfying amount of pressure to fill your cunt. She hits a spot that you swear sends white light through your closed eyes and keeps hitting it with every rough, slow thrust of her fingers. Your hips begin to move, trying to get her to fuck you harder but she only pins your down by your waist with her free hand forcing you to endure her painful pace. “Ellie,” you whine, “please- I-“ you cut yourself off with a moan.

“What do you need sweetheart?” She pauses briefly to look at your fucked out expression and your arousal has dropped all the down her chin. The very sight almost does you in.

“Please,” you beg her in hopes she’ll spare you the humiliation of asking her.

“Mm mm,” she lightly shakes her head “words baby.” That was a much better nickname, the way she said baby made your cunt flutter around her fingers

“P-please-” you sigh before finishing “-fuck me harder pleasee.” You think that’s probably the most pathetic you’ll ever sound but Ellie obeys. She sucks your puffy clit into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the hypersensitive nub before moving her fingers faster. She picks up speed until you can’t think about anything but Ellie’s mouth and fingers. The pace was practically inhuman, you tilt your head back as a silent scream rips it’s way through you before you moan “fffuuckk,” in a high pitched tone. She continues moving her hands rapidly in and out of you curling them at just the right angle. You begin to flutter around her fingers and she knew you were close.

“Almost there baby?” All you can do in response in moan, she has you practically incapacitated. She giggled a little “Good, come for me.” As her words reached your ears your pleasure finally hit it’s peak. You begin writing against Ellie’s fingers as you roughly clench down on them. Your pleasure rips through you in overwhelming waves, moans uncontrollably leaving your lips as Ellie’s fingers continue their brutal pace. She doesn’t let up though, she keeps going as your clit grows more and more sensitive. You tug at her hair but she doesn’t move, she continues as your hips begin bucking against her arm that was pinning you down.

“Ellie it’s too much I can’t-”

“You can take one more can’t you sweetheart?” She asks sweetly as she fucks your sensitive hole with no mercy. You just nod and she continues sucking and licking at your clit, occasionally moaning which only enhanced the overwhelming pleasure. This time you were more tightly wound up and faster. It didn’t take long before you approached the edge again, the feeling twice as intense. You almost worry as it begins to build and build, just as you thought you had reached your peak it kept going. You finally topple over the edge as Ellie’s teeth lightly graze your clit, the feeling sending you into overdrive. You tugs Ellie’s hair harder than you ever had before as you make a mess all over the seats and Ellie’s mouth and fingers. She laps it all up contently, actually backing down when you pushed her away this time. She leans back into her knees and tries to catch her breath.

A smirk grows on your face as you begin leaning towards her, “it’s your turn.”

—

Idrk how I feel about this but at least I finished it 😀👍

Reblogs and notes are always appreciated and encouraged 💕‼️

Hopefully I will start updating more but I can’t really promise anything lmao

[hobisexually]

Hello Amber!! So.. I kinda got into bts 2-3 weeks ago (yes I know my timing is great) it is a little bit your fault but I'm embracing it bc is giving me joy. I used to read your fic recs back in the 1d days (god that made me feel ancient) so im humbly asking if you have any fic recs? I'm starting with jiminxjungkook but I'm open to read other pairings if you say the fic it's good. I trust your taste. Anyway hope you have a nice day!

oh my god, this is like getting into one direction after zayn left or after 2015 except BTS will actually be back 😭

I am SO sorry I pulled you in this late jsjsjs but also very happy to have you here <3 the joy is unparalleled, really, so welcome! am I to take away from this your biases are jikook? :’)

I’ll be real, with BTS I just about read every pairing, it’s not like with 1D where I read HL for the majority of the time. there’s sooooo much good fic and it’s in my opinion a waste to stick to one pairing specifically because all of them have something different to offer (even though hopekook is, as you probably know by now, my specific niche and like crack to me NSMSM) so I’ll just rec you some of the ones I read when I got into them that really stuck with me and are good to get to know them!

I already did a post like that once (here) and here so those are good starting points!

aside from these I’d also rec Only A Fangirl, she writes soooo many pairings and her smut is Very Hot (plot wise I have some pointers, but, you know NDNDNS)

as for jikook specifically, I enjoyed:

gossamer in the light

Put Your Hands On Me

Dazzle Me With Gold

I kneel into a dream (where I am good)

everything I know brings me back to us

My Heart Is Full Of You

Blind Switch (this is, like, Wild and Unruly but jikook edition and nothing will ever beat Wild and Unruly but you know what I mean!!)

and I know many people love this author! I haven’t read anything of theirs yet but I’d been meaning to read the fake dating Love As Fast As Light for a while so worth a shot I say

that should have you settled for a bit, but I’ve been basically exclusively reading BTS since 2021 so I’ve got you whenever you need more 😌

also, shameless promo time but if you’re so inclined, I wrote a few and am finishing up my wip!

[broken--stardust]

mine - j.m.k.

summary: this is a oneshot for this lovely anon; could you possibly do one with josh where he’s away on tour and y’all get into y’all’s first real big fight, saying things you obviously don’t mean but nonetheless still very hurtful. and so the reader hangs up and gives him the silent treatment. and he doesn’t know what to do Bc he’s on tour?

i hope this suits your fancy! ;)

pairing: josh x f. reader

warnings: mild angst, cussing, verbal altercations

word count: 2.4k

“Listen, baby, you can’t believe everything you read. The media always misconstrues everything, just for the sake of a story.”

You huffed a sigh at Josh’s shallow attempt to comfort you. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean to sound condescending, but in your already fragile, heightened state, his words came across like he thought you naïve. You heard him take a breath through the phone, and if you imagined what he looked like right now, you knew he was probably pinching the bridge of his nose and trying not to roll his eyes. The thought pissed you off even more.

“I know that, Joshua,” you seethed, and you heard him sigh at the use of his full first name. “This isn’t my first day on this earth nor is it my first day as the girlfriend of a ‘rockstar’” you accented the last word with a mocking tone. You weren’t sure why you were belittling his fame in this moment, except that maybe sometimes you wished things could be more “normal” for the two of you. You’d much rather be able to have this conversation – well, call it what it is, a fight – in person, but he was states away, on tour, as usual. Actually, if you two had a normal relationship, one where he was just another average guy with a 9-5, you wouldn’t even be having this fight. “Pictures don’t lie” you finished.

Josh sighed through the phone again.

“Josh, if you don’t quit fucking sighing and give me some answers, I swear to God –"

“Y/N.” he cut you off, his tone drastically less patient than before. “Pictures can be taken out of context. You don’t know what happened before or after that picture was taken –"

It was your turn to interrupt. “She’s kissing you, Josh. I don’t care what happened before or after, I’m just looking at a picture of another girl kissing you. And then reading the vomit-inducing article following it.”

“Listen to what you’re saying, Y/N. She’s kissing me. My cheek, in fact. I’m not kissing her. And again, whatever the article says is a load of shit. You know better than that.”

You had to roll your eyes at his once again condescending tone, like a father reprimanding his child. It made you want to punch something. “Have you even read the article, Josh? It says that you’re finally off the market, that you made your first public appearance with your new girlfriend. Do you know how that feels, knowing that you’ve actually been off the market for over a year? And all your fans believe it.”

“And whose fault is that Y/N? You’re the one who didn’t want to be public, you wanted to stay out of the spotlight, and you don’t let me post shit about you. They’re looking for crumbs. Until now, the world has thought I’m single. Because of you. Ironic, isn’t it?”

Hot tears burned at the corners of your eyes at his words. You knew he was right, too. “You don’t have to be such an asshole about it.” You heard him mumble something under his breath, but you caught three syllables that made your ears burn: “dramatic”. “What was that? I didn’t quite catch that.”

“You’re being so fucking dramatic, Y/N! Dramatic! Can you hear me now? Because you haven’t been listening to me this entire fucking time, except for what you choose to hear.”

“Fuck you.” And with that, you hung up.

-

Josh heard the three beeps signaling the end of the phone call. “Shit” he sighed. He sat down on the small couch in his dressing room and held his head in his hands. After a few beats of silence, he heard a knock on his dressing room door. “Who is it?” he huffed; the sound muffled by his hands still holding his face.

“Me” said a voice that sounded much like his own, and with that, his long-haired twin peeked in. “Can I come in?” he asked.

Josh made eye contact with him from over his fingers and nodded. Jake stepped through the doorway and closed the door behind him, took the few steps toward the couch and sat down next to his twin. Josh simply stared at the wall across from himself as Jake rubbed his back a few times.

“That sounded…brutal.” Jake finally broke the silence. Josh nodded.

“I took it too far.”

“Mm”, Jake hummed. Jake was often a man of few words, but nothing if not a good listener.

“Did you see the TMZ article?”

“I did.”

“Bullshit, right?”

Jake half-smiled. “It always is.”

“Y/N wouldn’t really believe all that, would she?”

“I doubt she actually believes anything it says. She just misses you, and seeing that picture coupled with their nonsense wouldn’t make anyone feel very good if they’re already feeling vulnerable, y’know?”

“Well, it’s her own fault people don’t know about us.”

“Hmm”.

“Do you disagree?”

Jake avoided the question and asked his own. “What have you done to reassure her?”

“I mean, I don’t really know what she needs to hear. I mostly just point out every other couple that is in the public eye –"

“Which definitely makes her feel like her feelings are valid, I’m sure.” Jake interrupted in a sarcastic tone, a smirk on his face. People often thought Josh to be the “sweetheart” of the group, and he could be, at times, but he was rather bull-headed and had a very hard time rationalizing anyone else’s views unless they mirrored his own. In short, he always thought he was right.

Josh turned to face him at that remark, the words he was going to retort dying on his tongue as he mulled over his brother’s words. “I hadn’t thought about it like that.” Josh finally said as he turned to face the wall again.

Jake patted his twin’s back a couple of times as he stood up with a sigh. “Give her some time to cool off and then give her another call. Maybe try…listening, this time” he said with a smirk as he made his way to the door. He opened it with a creak and was almost completely out, when he heard,

“Jake?”

Jake turned his face towards the couch from the doorway. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.” Josh mumbled, almost too quietly to be heard if Jake hadn’t been listening for it.

The corners of Jake’s mouth twitched as he bit back a grin. He knew Josh must actually be pretty unnerved if he was actually humbling himself enough to offer any kind of gratitude to his brother. “Anytime” Jake said as he closed the door.

Josh waited an hour, spending time getting settled on the tour bus to drive to their next destination, then attempted to call you. After a couple of rings, it sent him to voicemail, indicating that you had declined the call. After a half hour, he tried again. Same thing. Fifteen minutes after that, he tried one more time. You still declined it. With a frustrated huff he tossed his phone onto his bed. The next day, he tried a couple more times at sporadic hours of the day. Same story as before.

-

You were in the middle of brushing your teeth when your phone began buzzing on the counter. Your finger hovered over the red decline button when you noticed the contact. You spit out your toothpaste and pressed the green button instead, bringing your phone up to your ear.

“Hello” you answered, monotone.

“Hi, Y/N. Are you busy right now?” Jake’s deep voice sang through your speakers.

“Not particularly. Just getting ready for bed. Why” you huffed, but you knew the answer.

“I just wanted to…” Jake paused as he chose his words. “…tell you a story. If you don’t mind.”

You sat down on your and Josh’s bed and made yourself comfortable in the covers. “Shoot.”

Jake told you in detail all about Jita’s and his relationship. He started with how they met, when they were still playing bars and local venues, before fame was really on the radar. He described all the events leading up to the present, noting how her Instagram account is still private with very limited followers. He talked about how fans would recognize her and take pictures with her occasionally but were still respectful of her privacy. You understood what he was trying to tell you without him actually saying the words.

There were a few beats of silence as Jake gave you some time to process his words. “Can I ask you something?” he broke the silence.

You nodded first, then remembered he couldn’t see you. “Sure.”

“Why did that article bother you so much? Really?”

You considered what he was asking for a few moments. You knew Jake was someone you could confide in, but you were embarrassed to say the words aloud. You took a breath. “I think…because it built up this grand reveal of his supposed girlfriend. And…it wasn’t me who they were revealing. Even though I don’t personally want fame, I still…love him, and I want the world to know he’s mine. And I’m his.”

“Hmm” Jake hummed in response. He was quiet for a couple of beats as he turned over your words in his head. “You know, a little bit of fame comes with the territory. But that doesn’t mean you have to be in any kind of spotlight. It sounds to me though, like you do kind of want people to know who you are. Josh could always ‘reveal’ who you are. But you can still keep your social media private. Keep your personal life with him private. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we all have to pretend you don’t exist, like we’ve been doing.”

You sighed deeply. After a few minutes of casual conversation to shift the mood, you said your goodbyes and thanked Jake for calling.

You considered returning Josh’s missed calls before you went to bed, but your conversation with Jake had been a bit draining, and you were already exhausted. You drifted into a restless slumber, dreaming you were in Josh’s arms.

-

“Y/N?”

You woke up with a start to the sound of a familiar your voice calling your name across yours and Josh’s shared home. You sat up quickly and began rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You had to have been imagining it. Josh was supposed to be in Ohio, wasn’t he?

“Y/N!”

There it was again, there was no way you could have imagined it this time. You leapt from the bed in only your underwear and an oversized tee and took off in a sprint out of your shared bedroom and down the hallway and stopped before you crossed the threshold into the kitchen when you saw him standing there, backpack on his back and a small carry-on in his hands. His eyes sparkled when he made eye contact with you.

“Hi, sweetheart” he greeted you with a smile. You made quick work of the few feet between you and jumped into his arms, wrapping yours around his neck and your legs around his waist, has he grasped your thighs and held you tight. After a few moments he set you down slowly as he pulled away from the tight embrace he had held you in, and crashed his lips into yours. He tasted of honey and vanilla chapstick as you slightly parted your lips and allowed his tongue to dance across your bottom lip.

You both pulled away after several minutes, and his deep, mocha and amber eyes met yours.

“I’m sorry –” you both began at the same time. You both giggled sheepishly. He held your hand and led you over to the couch in your living room, and that began a couple of hours of conversation of what you both wanted from your current relationship. You discussed what Jake had shared with you, and that you hoped maybe you could have something similar to his and Jita’s situation with Josh.

Josh brought your hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss across your knuckles. “All I’ve wanted is just for the world to know you’re mine. Even if you don’t want to attend events with me or anything like that, it’s fine, I understand. But I love you. And I want people to at least know that much.”

Eventually the conversation turned to his reason for being back in Michigan. He explained that he had been asked to do a last-minute interview with a radio station, due to the original interviewee having to drop out at the last minute, but of course he flew in early, so he had time to spend with you.

-

A few hours later you were settled down in a chair in the living room, listening intently to the live interview being conducted with your boyfriend.

“So, Josh…we’ve all seen the article by now. We and your fans gotta know the details. Tell us about your girlfriend.”

Josh laughed. “Well, I would love to tell you all about her. But, you should know it’s not the girl in the picture.”

“Oh damn, this is an interesting turn of events!”

Josh laughed again. “In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve been seeing someone for over a year. We still want to keep our personal lives private, of course, but we’re more than ready to make our own grand reveal. And Y/N, baby, if you’re listening, I love you so much.”

The interviewer gasped jokingly at Josh’s name drop. “Well, you heard it hear first, folks. Our Josh Kiszka is off the market. But has been for much longer than we all thought! If you’re up to it, you should share a picture with us of you and your actual girlfriend for our article.”

“I’d love that.”

-

The next day, the radio station shared their own article with the transcriptions of everything that had been said on air. You smiled at the picture of you and Josh he had chosen to share with them. It was taken on a beach vacation you had went on, your hair was almost as wavy as Josh’s from the saltwater and ocean breeze, a scattering of freckles across both of your tanned faces. You looked blissfully happy, as you always were with Josh. It didn’t take long for people to begin finding your social media, but you took solace in the fact that you weren’t required to let anyone in. In the end, your relationship was only yours and Josh’s, but you were happy the world finally knew he was yours, and you were his. -fin.

[bugsyfics]

Could’ve Just Asked

Yami Sukehiro x Reader

Fandom: BC

Summary: After touching one of Captain Yami’s most prized possessions, Y/N finds herself on thin ice.

Warnings: Smut/notsfw, spanking, masturbation, very slight praise and domination

Word Count: 1.3k

————•————•————•————•————•————•————•————

Captain Yami was out with the other members of the Black Bulls upon request of the Wizard King. Today you weren’t needed, because you visited him a couple days prior about the new mission. While you could’ve gone anyway, this was a good time to catch up on some well needed cleaning. You dusted, moved someone’s random pair of shorts, and threw away an oddly immense amount of trash. You got to the split corridor and took a little detour down the men’s living quarters. You’ve only been down there a couple times, but curiosity was getting the best of you.

There was no denying that you enjoyed looking at your captain and often wondered how he would feel on top of you, but because of the dynamic you two shared it made it almost impossible to express how you felt. Since you’d joined the Black Bulls, it’s always felt deeply inappropriate how hot this man made you with only a couple words or a pat on the back. It was even worse when you two would train alone, away from the others. Maybe your little flirts weren’t enough for him to catch on or possibly he was simply ignoring your advances.

As you passed Yami’s bedroom it took everything in you not to look at his door. You walked a little further, but quickly turned on your heel to walk back towards his room.

“Hm, I don’t know if I… no…” You contemplated intruding while your hand remained on the doorknob.

“Fine.” You opened the door.

It was… normal? A small pile of clothes and an unmade bed but nothing out of the ordinary. You did notice though, a shimmer from across the room. After quickly shutting the door, you made your way to the glimmering object to find a brand new katana placed against his nightstand. You knew it was a bad idea, but you really wanted to see the beauty of this finely crafted sword. You pulled it out slightly admiring the polished finish — possibly too long to not notice Yami entering his room.

“Get out or I’ll kill you!”

“Ahh! I’m so sorry! I’ll leave, j-just let me explain!” You sputtered hoping he wouldn’t kick your ass.

“I was cleaning a-and I wandered down the hallway a-and I saw your room. Then I-I saw—”

“Shut the hell up!”

“I’m sorry capitan,” you apologized.

Why did you have to keep doing stupid shit like this? No only did you invade his privacy but you also touched his brand new katana— Yami’s katana. Shit, you put your position in the squad in jeopardy and ruined the chances of him ever being interested in you. What would the other squad members thi—

“Hello? I asked you to hand it over,” Yami pointed to the sword with his eyebrow raised.

“You’re being creepy…” he continued and eyed you.

Yami grabbed your arm and released the katana from your grip. He laid the sword flat on his palms and pulled it out completely, inspecting it.

“Well, I guess you didn’t mess it up too bad. You know, acting like a dumbass and all,” Yami spoke and shook his head.

You opened your mouth to protest but remained quiet instead.

“You came in here just to look at a sword? Gonna steal it or somethin’?��

“No, I was just snooping. It was rude of me,” you muttered.

“Stop apologizing. Don’t care, just don’t do it again,” Yami grumbled.

He closed the katana back down into its scabbard and sighed.

“Ok, get out,” he spoke suddenly and walked you to the door.

After you walked out, Yami leaned against the doorframe.

“You know Y/N, you don’t have to sneak around. If you wanted to visit and talk you could’ve just asked,” Yami laughed and closed the door.

Did he say visit? What did that even mean? Well, you were just glad you made it out alive. Your palms were sweaty and after that encounter you needed a cold shower.

The next day...

After breakfast, all the squad members sat in the main room chatting. You assumed no one knew about what happened the day before, but you sat by yourself just in case. Well, not entirely by yourself since Zora was across from you snoozing, as always.

“Be quiet and sit down,” Yami clapped his hands together, “I’m sending a couple of you on a mission.”

“Julius needs to speak to Asta, Finral, and Charmy again. So, go do that or whatever,” Yami announced nonchalantly and sat back down to read the paper.

Everyone else traveled to the Noble Realm to shop or went outside to train. You quietly sat and drank your coffee hoping no one would notice that you were missing.

You heard a gruff voice from above you, “Y/N, come here.”

Yami?! What does he want? He stood over you and motioned you to follow.

“Yes, captain.”

You both ended up outside his room.

“What are we—”

“We have free-time. I thought you wanted to talk,” Yami shrugged.

“Sur— I mean, yeah we can,” you smiled awkwardly.

Yami sat down on his bed and stared at you, blowing out a puff of smoke from his cigarette. You stood against his desk, in the corner of the room, assuming it wouldn’t be appropriate to sit on his bed with him. The uncomfortable silence made you flustered and you slightly pinched your leg to right yourself.

“Are we gonna stare at each other all day?” Yami surmised.

“I don’t really have anything to talk about necessarily,” you spoke.

“Mhm, ok well we can leave—”

“Wait! I-I mean um… hold on. Tell me about your katana, please captain,” you blurted.

“You wanna hear about my katana? Nothing else you want to talk about?” Yami asked.

“Yeah… Well, no. I’m just interested in learning about it. It looks like it’s made with good craftsmanship.”

Yami stood suddenly, pulling his katana from the holster on his waist and motioned you over. He sat back down on his bed and waited for you to join. You awkwardly sat beside him and you couldn’t help your cheeks from turning bright red from the closeness.

“Put your hands out,” Yami instructed, “The blade is sharp so don’t do anything stupid.”

The sword laid balanced across both of your palms.

“The handle is called tsuka,” Yami began and stroked the top, “...and the blade is called sori.”

He took two fingers and slowly ran them across the surface of the blade.

“The only authentic ones are from back home, but since I haven’t gone back, I get them imported.”

“Wow, it’s a really beautiful sword,” you admired softly.

“Mhm, it’s quite… personal to me,” Yami cleared his throat and grabbed the katana from your hands.

He glanced over at your face with an unreadable expression and shifted away.

“I think that’s enough talking for today. I’m gonna take a nap,” Yami rushed and stood from the bed.

“Can I come back tomorrow?” You asked quietly and walked to the door.

Yami pulled his cigarette from his lips and crushed the butt into the cigarette tray on top of his nightstand.

“Eh, I don’t know… I think today was enough,” he responded curtly.

“Did I do something wrong?” you began to pry.

Yami stood silent staring at you for a moment. He finally made his way over, and towered over your small frame.

“I hate it when you act innocent,” Yami growled lowly and tilted your chin upwards slowly, “You know exactly what you’re doing, princess.”

“Captain… What are you talking about?” you questioned, puzzled by his sudden change in mood.

“I haven’t caught on for a while, but I’m not stupid. You like when I tower over you like this… or when I command you to do what I want,” Yami taunted and rested his hands above your head.

“You snooped in my room because you couldn’t get enough of me, huh?” Yami chuckled and stared deeper into your nervous gaze.

“C-captain I-I,” you stuttered and clenched your thighs together to suppress the tingling from your core.

“There’s no need to confess, Y/N. I already know how you feel,” Yami said. “I guess I was a little oblivious. I thought you had a childish crush, but it seems like there’s something more.”

Yami scratched the back of his head and his eyes traveled down your body to your clenched thighs. With one hand still above you, the other traced down your side and gripped your thigh gently. He began to rub small circles on your skin with his thumb.

You bit your lip and glanced up at Yami’s dark gaze from under your lashes.

“D’ya like that princess?” he teased as his hand traveled further underneath your skirt.

“Yes captain,” you sighed.

You were soaking through your panties and you were nervous about what Yami would think. His low voice and his digits pressed on you made your skin burn.

Yami’s eyes grew a little when he reached your panties. He took his middle finger and ran it over your heat feeling how your wetness pooled under you.

“You want me to touch you some more?” Yami spoke into your neck.

You nodded eagerly, opening your legs wider for his massive hand.

“Mm…”

Yami rubbed faster over your clothed pussy. He pulled his hand away and leaned down to your ear.

“Get on the bed. Head down and ass up, now.” Yami ordered you.

He could tell you liked being dominated, but you also like being praised and he stepped into that role nicely.

You scurried over to his bed and did what you were told. A little part of you wanted to push him further.

You reached under your skirt and played with yourself, bucking into your hand. You pushed your ass out and turned your head to watch him.

Yami cooly walked to his nightstand, grabbed a cigarette and lit it while he watched you. That was definitely not the reaction you expected.

Smoke billowed out from his lips as he spoke, “That’s a nice show you’re putting on. Maybe you can get yourself off instead.”

“Wha- no, I was just—”

“Touch yourself,” Yami demanded.

He watched as you hesitated and moved your hand away. Yami roughly pulled your hand back under you, placing it on your core.

“Do it.”

You had no choice other than to play with yourself in front of him, but it was technically your fault. You gently rubbed over the fabric and grazed across your aching pussy. The constant friction of the panties across your clit made it difficult to stay steady on your knees. You moaned incoherently into the bedspread and began slowing your movements.

Yami grabbed a handful of your ass and smacked it harshly, “Faster. Keep going like a good girl.”

“Yam-Yami please. I c-can’t…” you panted.

“Do I have to tell you again, princess?” Yami threatened while pinching your ass.

“No, sir… but I just need you,” you pleaded and grinded into the air.

With a grunt, Yami pulled you to the edge of the bed with your ass propped. He tore your panties off of you and spread your pussy open to rub harsh circles on your swollen bud, making your toes curl.

“Mm fuck. That feels so, so good, captain!”

“Something tells me this is your favorite place to be touched,” Yami chuckled, quickening his movements.

You bucked harder, fucking yourself down onto Yami’s hand.

“Shit, it looks like your gonna come, princess.”

He pulled you back into his chest and continued his movements while you came undone. You felt yourself on the brink of tears as you slumped down into Yami’s arms. You heard him breathing hard behind you as his erection poked into your lower back.

“Damn princess, that was only the first round! Hah! I knew you weren’t that innocent,” Yami teased and wrapped his arms around your waist.

————•————•————•————•————•————•————•————

A/N: I hoped you like this Yami smut! Thanks for reading 💕

— bugs

[4stars-uswnt]

A New Beginning [Tobin Heath x Reader]

requested by @lion457457: Hey can you write a second part of this is the end if you have time where Tobin can’t live without the reader and begs for her forgiveness.

requested by anon: the angst was so good!!! can i request a sequel where tobin realizes she made a mistake and wants the reader (can be post man utd) (but don’t make it too angsty and also have a happy ending?)

requested by @arination99​: Is there a part 2 to This is the end?? If not can I request it??

A/N: this is a sequel to This is the End, so you should probs go read that before this if you haven’t yet. also this was a lil difficult for me to write bc i love both tobin and christen, also because i don’t condone cheating at all, but i hope you all enjoy this! 

warnings: mention of cheating

“You ready for camp?” Megan asks you, as the two of you wait for Allie to get her bag.

“Yeah.” You reply.

The past four months had been some of the longest of your life. After catching your girlfriend of one year cheating on you, with one of your teammates at that, you had spiraled into a lonely hole of sadness. Although you were starting to feel like your old self again, with the help of both Megan and Allie, your insecurities and self-doubt, which were only heightened by the breakup, still had a strong presence.

“You sure?”

You nod, slightly smiling. “Tobin made her choice. Will it be hard to see them both? Yes, but I have you guys and the rest of the team.”

There was no question that when the national team found out about the incident, there was a lot of discourse and arguments, your teammates upset with the two forwards. Fortunately for Vlatko, training camp hadn’t been for another four months after, otherwise there would’ve been issues, both on and off the field.

“Damn right you have us.” Allie approaches the two of you, slinging her arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah, Chris and Tobin may be my friends and business partners, but I can’t stand by what they did to you.” Megan adds on.

You shake your head and look down at your feet. “I appreciate it, guys, and I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me the past four months, I really do. But I don’t want you to break your friendships with them just because of me, okay?”

“(Y/N), look at me.” The pink haired woman puts her finger under your chin, lifting your head so your eyes meet hers. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about them losing us, or anyone else on the team, as friends, okay? They did this to themselves. You are not to blame for any of this, got it?”

“Yes, okay. Thanks, P.” You give her a slight nod. “But I don’t want anyone bringing it up or any fighting. Can you guys do that for me?”

Megan and Allie look at each other, deciding whether they’re willing to agree to that.

“Of course.” The blonde midfielder affirms, putting your request above their desire to yell at Tobin and Christen.

“Good. Now, let’s go.”

The three of you pile into an Uber and make your way to the hotel.

—————

That evening at dinner, after the majority of the team had arrived, you sat at a table with Ash, Ali, Megan, Allie, and Kelley. Some of the players who had gone on loan to Europe were still yet to arrive, including both Tobin and Christen.

A couple of minutes later, all discussion stops, everyone’s attention turning towards the door. Curious as to what your teammates were looking at, you turn around in your seat, and your stomach twists at the sight of who’d arrived.

Christen Press visibly shrinks under the scrutiny of her teammates, as she makes her way to the buffet. As she heads towards an empty table, Ash call out at her, making you cringe.

“Press! Where’s the girlfriend?”

“Yeah, thought you two would be together.” Kelley sneers, adding a comment under her breath. “It’s the least you could do after what you did to (Y/N).”

A couple of your teammates throw out some comments, causing Christen to wince. You can’t help but sympathize for the older woman.

“Stop!” You yell and slam your hands down on the table, ending their taunts. Everyone turns to look at you in surprise, especially Christen. “This isn’t her fault. She just happened to fall in love, and while yes, the timing sucked, and her actions were questionable, I don’t blame her. I mean I did at first, but I’m over it, okay? So you guys should be too.” You look around at your teammates, giving them warning glares. “So, stop yelling at her, okay? She’s still your teammate and your friend. I don’t want anymore fighting or yelling, okay? It’s over.” You conclude, sitting back down in your seat.

You see out of the corner of your eye Christen mouthing a small ‘thank you,’ to which you just nod in return.

A couple minutes later, everyone once again looks up from their food, as Tobin Heath enters the room, Alex following in pursuit. The two of them stop their hushed conversation, feeling the team’s eyes on them.

You watch as they go to get their food and sit at a completely separate table, leaving Christen to sit by herself.

What happened to her and Tobin? Were they still together? Were they even a thing to begin with?

—————

The next afternoon, training was not going well, at least not for majority of the team. Kelley kept slide tackling Tobin, a little harder than usual. Megan would purposely not pass to an open Christen, resulting in her losing the ball. You, on the other hand, were trying to be the bigger person, and made exceptional crosses, Christen connecting to them and putting them in the back of the net. However, to say that Vlatko was upset would be an understatement.

“Ladies!” He blows his whistle, waving everyone in for a huddle. “I don’t know what is going on with you all today. I’d like to think it’s because we haven’t played together in almost a year, but I know that’s not the case and there’s something else. So, whatever it is, you all need to sort it out. Am I making myself clear?”

A chorus of ‘yes, coach’ echoes amongst the team.

“Good.” Vlatko claps and then turns to the two captains. “Megan, Alex, I expect the two of you to plan some team bonding tonight. We have little time before the Olympics and even less time before SheBelieves.”

The two women nod, agreeing with your coach. “You got it.” Megan confirms.

“Great. Now, go get changed. Training is done for the day.” He dismisses the team, and you all head back to the locker room.

As you’re taking off your cleats and packing up your bag, Megan slides into the seat next to you.

“Hey, you gonna be okay for team bonding tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” You give her a small smile, as you continue to put stuff in your bag.

“I’m sorry that we have to do this, but you heard Vlatko, and honestly I agree with him, we need to bond as a team.” Megan continues to explain.

Standing up and swinging your bag on your shoulder, you let out a small chuckle. “P, I told you, I’m good. I want the team to go back to normal, too.”

“Okay. I’m just worried about you.” The older forward stands up, meeting your eyes.

“Thanks, Megan. I appreciate it.” You soften. “It’s definitely gonna be tough, but I’m also tough.” You give her a smirk over your shoulder, as you head to the bus.

—————

After dinner, the entire team piled into Megan and Lindsey’s room for the mandatory team bonding. No one knew what to do or say, a thick tension in the air. A few moments passed before Megan speaks up, clearing her throat.

“Obviously, everyone knows why we’re here. We need to work on our team chemistry, so tonight’s team bonding is gonna look a little different than usual.”

“So, we’re gonna all go around and say something that no one here knows about us.” Alex adds, nodding along.

You try your best not to your roll your eyes at the corniness of this activity. You want to speak up to protest, but you don’t need to, as Emily does it for you.

“What? This is dumb. There’s nothing about me that at least one person in this room doesn’t know about me.”

“Yeah! Ali’s my wife for goodness sake.” Ash exclaims, as many of the other women voice their disagreement.

Megan rubs her forehead, sighing. “You guys! I know this isn’t ideal, but we clearly have something to work out off the field in order for us to perform well on the field.”

The entire team turns, splitting their glares between you, Tobin, and Christen.

“We all know the issue here, so we should just leave them to solve it.” Kelley mutters under her breath, not going unnoticed by the rest of the room.

After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, Tobin finally speaks up.

“Kelley’s right. It’s clear that what I did has impacted the entire team, so I take complete responsibility for that, and I’m sorry.” The forward then turns her attention to you. “And (Y/N), I’m so so sorry for what I did to you. I can’t apologize enough. What I did to you was so wrong on so many levels, and it was honestly the biggest mistake of my life.”

You nod, not really knowing how to respond.

But Tobin isn’t finished yet, turning to look down at Christen. “And Chris, I’m sorry that we didn’t work out and that we had to end the way we did. It just want’t meant to be.” She looks at you out of the corner of her eye, as she reveals the last part.

The entire team is shocked by the woman’s confession that her and Christen have split.

“(Y/N), do you think we could talk out in the hallway?” Tobin addresses you, a pleading look in her eyes.

You feel your mouth dry and your insides twist at the thought of being alone with your ex-girlfriend. “Um, sure, I guess.”

As you make your way out of the room, Megan glances at you worriedly. You nod back at her, reassuring you that you’ll be fine. You subtly give her a stern glance, slightly nodding your head back towards Christen as a warning, ‘don’t you or anyone else on the team dare interrogate her.’

Exiting the room, you hear Megan clap her hands. “So, who wants to watch a movie?”

You and Tobin now stand alone in the empty hallway, an unfamiliar awkward space between the two of you.

“Do I really need to start this conversation?” You sigh.

“Sorry.” Tobin mumbles out, playing with the hem of her shirt. “I miss you, (Y/N). I know what I did was awful and absolutely unforgivable, but I want you to know that that was the biggest mistake of my life. You’re it for me.” She confesses.

Your eyes widen, not expecting her to say that at all. You can’t help yourself, blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind. “What about Christen?”

Tobin scratches the back of her neck, as she responds. “Uhh, we tried to make it work in Manchester, but I just couldn’t get my mind off you, and I guess she could tell. So we called it off. Chris deserves better than half of a relationship.”

“Hm, yes she does.” You hum. “And so do I, Tobin.”

“I know, (Y/N). You deserve the world, and I’m sorry that I didn’t give you that.” Tears pooling in her eyes, the guilt consuming her. “But I want to. I want to be with you again and show you that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I still love you, (Y/N), and I’d like a second chance, if you’ll give me one.”

You feel your heart rip into two. As much as you still loved Tobin and wanted to be with her, you were unsure if you could trust her with your heart after what she did to you.

“Tobin…” You trail off, the words lost in your mouth.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but I realized that you mean everything to me.” She rasps, practically begging at this point.

“Tobin, I’m not going to be your second choice just because it didn’t work out with Christen.” You firmly state, holding your ground.

“It’s not like that at all, (Y/N/N).” Tobin insists and shakes her head. “I love you, and somehow I got caught up in a relationship that somehow blended from a friendship to a romantic one. But I realized that you are the only one I want to be with, (Y/N), only you.”

Your eyes start filling with tears, your emotions from the past four months bubbling over, all of the anger, frustration, sadness, and devastation.

“Please, (Y/N), I beg you, please forgive me.” Tobin sobs.

“Tobin, you have to understand that you broke me!” You cry. “I loved you, hell, I still love you. But I trusted you, and you broke that trust. I want to be with you because I love you, but how can I after what you did?”

Tobin’s heart breaks at your revelation. “I know, (Y/N). And I know that I’m going have to work to gain your trust back, whether or not we get back together, as we still play on the same team. But I want to work and prove to you that you can trust me, no matter how long it takes. I’d wait forever for you.”

You see the desperation and sincerity written in her eyes. “I don’t know, Tobin.”

“Just give me one more chance.” She pleads. “One dinner. That’s all I ask.”

After fighting an internal battle, you finally concede, unable to say no to the woman you love. “Okay.” You agree. “One dinner. You have one dinner to give me a sign that you’re in this for the long haul.”

A giant grin breaks out across Tobin’s face. “Thank you, (Y/N/N). I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I better not.”

“Can I give you a hug?” She shyly asks, and you give her a small nod.

Tobin wraps her arms around you, as she pulls you into a hug. You bury your face in the crook her neck, breathing in her comforting scent that you’d missed so much.

“I missed you, Tobin.” You mumble

“I missed you so much, (Y/N). Thank you, again. I love you.” Tobin whispers, running her hand through your hair.

“I love you too.”

You hoped you were doing the right thing by trusting Tobin with your heart again, because you didn’t know if you could survive another heartbreak.

Although you couldn’t know what the future had in store for you, this was the a new start for the two of you.

This was a new beginning.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi Days! I'm a huge fan of your work and your tumblr blog bc you give so many naruhina fanfic recs and talk about your stories, etc.

To sum it up, you're my favorite person lol, I'm a bit shy so I'm asking this as an anon, but I wanted to tell you something random just because I've always just thought about it and maybe you would agree or comment on it.

Have you ever listened to mitski? If you haven't I recomend you do bc she's amazing, but anyways I was listening to a song of hers called "washing machine heart" and it reminded me of naruhina, like the fic "together you and I" but different you know, like naruto only married hinata because he couldn't have sakura, she was his second option and every time he looked at her he wished and pretended it was Sakura, so Hina tries her hardest to look pretty and try to be the person he wants, always getting saddend by the idea that she isn't the one he wants, she knows his heart will only belong to Sakura. She let's him trample all over her heart and use her because she loves him unconditionally, maybe cry to her on some nights because he longs for Sakura's love that will never come.

I've read so many fanfics and I've never encountered one using this concept, I'd write it myself, but I'm not good at writing, maybe I'm reaching but it could inspire an angst story made by you or just a prompt or idea/concept for anyone to use. The hurt in this could be inmaculate and I bet a good writer could bring everyone to tears if they read a story like this. You don't have to do anything ofc I'll love you either way, I'm not meaning to push you to write a whole story with this concept by any means or to even post this ask, it's just something I made up/ related to this certain song, so I wanted you to see it, perhaps share your opinion or thoughts on it or just think about it. I love pain a lot hahaha bc I'm not a narusaku shipper in any way, I actually dislike the ship a lot.

Thank you for reading this and pls keep up the awesome work!! I'll always be a fan and support you and your spectacular writing❤️❤️

GAH What an awful fic idea you have 💔

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete.  Naruto and Hinata are married.  So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night.  Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it.

And

“Territorial” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M, High school AU, Multi-chapter, Complete.  When Hinata takes advantage of Naruto’s desperation for love, they’re both a little too much for the other to handle.

Are similar to what you have there.

HERE’S MY VERY QUICK AND INCOMPLETE STAB AT YOUR PROMPT IT’S UNEDITED UNREVISED CANON-DIVERGENT AU RATED T FOR LANGUAGE BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT I COULD COME UP WITH 😘  THEY ARE NOT MARRIED BECAUSE I WOULD BE TOO SAD

...

Naruto finally makes it to the Hokage’s office, having had trouble shaking off fangirls on his way.  He can immediately tell he’s the last one there, even though it’s the eve of the Rinnegan Festival.  Tense expressions greet him, the atmosphere somber.

Sakura whips her attention back to the desk before them.  “Rokudaime, with all due respect, I don’t think Naruto belongs on this mission.”

Her behavior has confused him all night.  First moving away from him so that Hinata would sit between them at Ichiraku when Hinata could have just sat on the other side of him.  Then pushing him to follow Hinata back home.  He said aloud that he’d be seeing her later, and that he wanted to catch up with everyone first, but Sakura just glared at him...

She’s been pushing him away, more and more every day, breaking his heart to smaller and smaller pieces...whether knowingly or not, he’s not sure about that, but she’s never rejected him from being her teammate on a mission.

Worried, he meets Kakashi’s gaze.

“I understand your concern, Sakura.”  His tone is heavy.  His usual careless attitude nowhere in sight.  “Call it just my gut-feeling...you’re going to need Naruto’s strength for this mission.”

-

Hanabi was kidnapped.

Hiashi and Hinata are nowhere to be found.

“What do you mean...?” Naruto finds himself asking.  “I just saw her.  We just saw her.  Not even an hour ago.”

“When Sai reported Hanabi’s kidnapping, believe me, Naruto, we moved to notify her family immediately.  Anbu can’t find them.”

“What?”  The last memory he has of Hinata abruptly leaving dinner and running off without hardly a word nags at him, inexplicably tightening his chest.  “She’s fine.  Hinata’s strong.  She can take on anybody.  No one would dare-”

“Naruto,” Sakura interrupts, her gaze cutting sharp.  “She’s nowhere to be found.  And as much as you believe that, no one is invincible.  Not even Hinata.  We need to form a plan, otherwise we’re losing precious time.”

“No one is invincible.  Not even Hinata.”

An emptying numbness invades his insides, discomforting slickness muting him.

This isn’t his fault, is it?

-

What if she needed to tell him something?

She was acting strange at Ichiraku.

Quiet, unusual for her as of recent...

But how was he supposed to notice?  Should he have followed after her, like Sakura said?  But they were supposed to meet at his apartment later on anyway, so why did she have to come out early like that and ruin the good time he was having?  She knows how he hasn’t given up on Sakura.

She knows everything about him.  She’s been his rock after Sakura tried to shut him down for good.  So how can it be that she’d just disappear?  There’s no way.

There’s just no way that she disappeared right after she left...

-

Hours.

Hours of wandering around in abandoned, desolate, war-stricken villages in god-knows-where, and nothing.  No one.

He’s asking for the hundredth time, but he doesn’t care, he’s past the point of desperation, and anxiety-laced tension fills the air.  “Taku, you really don’t see anything?!”  The Hyuuga they have on their team led them into this godforsaken wasteland.

Taku turns on him aggressively, getting in his face in reaction, and yells, “What about you??  You think I’m not trying my best?!  This is my family!  Just because you’re Hinata’s boyfriend doesn’t mean you’re any more worried than the rest of us!  You don’t sense her??”

No.  He doesn’t.

His Sage Mode has never been so useless.  In fact, he senses no one besides them in this place, and it’s with terrible unease that he begins to entertain the thought that she’s gone for good.

“There’s no one even here besides us!  Nothing!  Why’d you take us down here?  Where are we even?!  How do we get out of here in the first place?!” he argues back.

“Sakura-san was right!  You don’t belong on this mission!  I don’t know what Hinata-sama could ever see in you, I haven’t seen her smile in months!”

“What do you mean by that?!  She smiles all the time!  I’ve never seen her act so cheerful in my life!”

“So you fucking know it, too!”  Taku glares at him with an incredulous expression.  “That she’s just acting!”

“What the hell do you mean by that-”

And he doesn’t know what happened next, but Sai’s grabbing onto Taku and he himself is locked in Shikamaru’s shadow manipulation.  Chakra’s sparking off his own hands, while blue embers warp along Taku’s.

“Calm down,” Shikamaru orders both of them.  “We’re not getting anywhere if the two of you keep fighting.”  He waits for Taku to loosen his stance.

Sai lets go of him.

Taku throws an insulting glare around before sauntering off.

Shikamaru sighs.  Hard.  “Go cool your head, Naruto.”  He retracts his shadow, and Naruto wastes no time walking off in the opposite direction, far from wherever Taku is heading.

Yet Taku’s ridiculous words ring in his head.  “That she’s just acting.”

But she said that she’s happy to be with him.  That she doesn’t mind that he’s still in love with Sakura.  She said that she’s just happy to be with him.

She said that.  She did.  And she wouldn’t lie to him, right?

She was just acting?

“You’re not going to finish your ramen?” he asked her on their date last month.

“No...”  Suddenly, she smiled brightly, something she’s been doing more often ever since he mentioned that he’s always liked how genki Sakura is.  “Do you want the rest of mine?  I’m dieting.”

He scrunched his eyebrows at her.  “Dieting?  Why?”

“Well...”  She looked thoughtful for a moment before seeming to come to a decision.  “Naruto-kun, you like thin girls, right?”

He knew she was talking about Sakura.  “...I guess...”

“I want to make you happy,...” she started.  She bit her lips for a hesitating moment before continuing, “so I’ve been trying to lose a little weight.”

“Oh.”  He didn’t know what to make of that.  Unbidden, he looked her over. 

“Can you tell?” she asked, her characteristic shyness lowered her lashes, yet she didn’t fidget under his examination, and he could tell how she was trying her best to have that confident persona he admires in his former teammate.

Despite her recent changes in attitude, Hinata’s still been so physically small compared to himself and everyone else.  Under her jacket, he couldn’t tell if she looked skinnier or not, and even if she was, he doesn’t think she really needed to be skinnier.

But then she looked up at him with that heavy, hopeful weight in her gaze, and he couldn’t let her down.  Not when she’s trying so hard for his approval.

He fibbed easily.  “Yeah.  You look really good.”

She shined another smile at him that made him feel good.  Even if their relationship wasn’t traditional, he could at least still make her happy.  He could at least tell her some sweet words and see her sweet smile and-

She was lying.

She wasn’t happy?

He never made her happy?

Then what was the point of any of it?

No, she must have been happy, right?!  She said so!  She told him so!  Many, many times!

After all, he asked her.  All of those times he thought she was faking her smile, he asked just to make sure, and she vehemently told him that she was really happy to be with him.

She said he could talk to her about all of it.  That she could take on his heartbreak because her feelings were so much bigger than...

“Uzumaki Naruto.”

The unfamiliar voice has him leaping to his feet.

A man as pale as a ghost with piercingly icy eyes is floating down to him on some strange platform.  “You’re really as pitiful as I expected.”

“Who the hell are you?!”  He readies his stance.  He’s not in any mood for games, and he’s ready to let loose some of his stress on this very suspicious character.

“Hinata’s fiance.”

“Hinata?!”  Fire races through his veins, heating his feet, and he’s ready to leap at this guy.  “Where is she?!”

“With me.”

His heart rate exponentially explodes, beating into his ears, his skin practically bristling.  “Let her go,” he demands, and the threat of his words leaks from every pore of his being.  “Now.”

The man almost snorts.  “What makes you think she wants to see you?  You only ever used her, broke her...”  His collected expression hardens, and Naruto can sense that he has no intention of releasing her.  “I’ll make her happier than you ever could.”

Several thoughts fly too quickly through his mind to properly process any of it, leaving only residual uncertainty and that deepening sense of his culpability in her sudden disappearance.  But he doesn’t linger on the unpleasant sensations.  “What the fuck do you know?!”  And he’s charging at him, a Rasengan heavy in his hand.

The enemy is far more powerful than he appeared, immediately blowing him back with some kind of focused chakra.  “Weak, pathetic.”

“GIVE HER BACK!”  He replicates himself a dozen times, each of them throwing Rasenshurikens at the man.

Yet more of that strange yellow chakra protects him.  He’s unscathed even under his shadow clone onslaught.  “No.  I gave her a choice, and she came with me.  I’m just here to get rid of you, take revenge against you for her sake.”

He hardly comprehends the nonsense spewing out of the enemy’s mouth, and he rallies his clones into close combat, but the man manages to avoid many of the attacks while landing hits of his own.

Clones poofing away only to be replaced by more, frustration and fury starting to blind him into sloppier and sloppier moves.

“I love Hinata.  That’s why I deserve her.”

He chokes on his own breath, and in his momentary loss of concentration,...

He’s falling.

------------------------*

aaannnnd that’s as far as I want to go with that.  Imagine the rest of the team arriving in time to notice Toneri making his escape toward the sky, and I guess the rest of the story would sort of follow the rest of The Last...Naruto self-reflects a lot in a bundle of depression for a long time and yeah.

...ahhh...  I encourage you to write the fic you want to see in the world ❤️

[airenyah]

what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone 

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

 cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space”     also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is 

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love” 

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them 

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas*    also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.”  “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially  “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk) 

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

[kieranfm]

𝟏𝟏𝐏𝐌  ,  𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐀𝐋𝐄  𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌  ,  𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍  ;  𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴  𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵  𝘣𝘦  𝘩𝘰𝘸  𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴  ››   𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍  +  𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍 

it  was  one  of  their  bigger  shows  of  the  tour ; 1,200  people  ,  19,589  off  of  selling  out  madison  square  garden  .  so  why  didn’t  it  feel  like  it  ?  usually  there  was  a  high  crackling  in  his  veins  ,  alighting  him  from  the  inside  out  ,  as  he  left  behind  the  screaming  of  a  crowd  that  wanted  more  .  but  kieran  had  felt  more  when  they’d  stepped  off  stage  after  playing  to  520   ,  or  even  200  ,  than  he  did  coming  off  stage  of  the  royale  tonight  .  he  couldn’t  put  his  finger  on  it  .  the  reason  WHY  it  felt  like  he  hadn’t  just  done  what  he  did  every  other  night  before  .  the  reason  WHY  the  high  wasn’t  quite  so  bright  .  the  reason  WHY  he’d  caught  the  same  look  from  mikey  ; as  he’d  wished  him  good  luck  ,  &  conan  ; as  they’d  caught  eyes  during  the  opening  notes  of  cheer  up  baby  .  the  same  look  he  knew  all  too  well ;  as  if  they  were  waiting  for  him  to  tip  over  an  edge  he  hadn’t  walked  the  line  of  in  MONTHS  .  .  .  everything  was  good  .  wasn’t  it  ?  a  smile  pushed  its  way  onto  his  lips  as  his  feet   hit  solid  ground  &  one  crowd  turned  into  another  smaller  one  ,  full  of  congratulations  for  surviving  ANOTHER  show  .  but  just  like  the  congratulations  was  like  clockwork  ,  kieran  still  found  himself  looking  for  the  one  person  that  had  been  missing  from  the  start  .  the  one  person  that  only  came  in  the  form  of  words  lit  up  on  his  screen  .  words  that  seemed  to  come  few  & far  between  —  or  at  all  more  recently  .  maybe  that  was  why  everything  felt  OFF  ;  there  had  been  no  ‘  knock  ‘em  dead  ,  baby ’  to  send  him  out  on  stage  with  &  he  couldn’t  remember  the  last  time  he’d  gone  on  without  it  .  hell  ,  he  couldn’t  even  remember  the  last  time  he’d  gone  this  long  without  a  WORD  from  her  .  but  with  ruairi’s  hands  falling  heavily  upon  his  shoulders  ,   &  an  airy  voice  that  put  him  on  edge  filled  the  air  ,  he  let  himself  be  pulled  along  in  the  tide  .  clinging  onto  the  quiet  embers  that  popped &  crackled  away  in  his  veins  as  the  high  fought  its  way  through  the  haze  of  worry  .  she  was  busy  .  that’s  all  it  was  .  

so  why  did  it  feel  like  something  was  wrong  ?

it  was  enviable  though  .  the  way  in  which  kieran  ALWAYS  found  his  way  back  to  evan  ,  because  even  when  a  whole  ocean  separated  them  he  always  found  her  way  back  to  her  .  the  only  thing  was  ,  it  seemed  as  if  evan  wasn’t  finding  her  way  back  to  him  .  because  as  the  noise  of  the  dressing  room  died  away  ,  people  going  their  seperate  ways  to  either  begin  the  pack  up  for  a  day  on  the  road  tomorrow  or  to  take  their  celebrations  elsewhere  ,   he’d  slipped  his  phone  from  the  pocket  of  his  jacket  .  the  cool  surface  settling  in  his  palm  as  the  glow  of  his  screen  reflected  back  the  same  thing  it  had  done  earlier  when  he’d  given  up  waiting  &  tucked  it  away  for  safe  keeping  ;  NOTHING  .  there  was  absolutely  nothing  . his  top  teeth  gnawed  at  his  bottom  lip  as  he  pulled  up  the  bottom  of  his  screen  in  hopes  that  it  would  reveal  anything  other  than  his  own  texts  :

         21/07/21  8:43pm          📲 i  can  only  assume  you  didn’t  pick  up  my  call  earlier  bc  you               were  too  busy  making  saint   valentine  fall  in  love  with  you          📲  but  it’s  nearly  2am  for  you  and  i   ,  personally  ,  think  it’s  rude  i                  haven’t  heard  ANYTHING  about  how  it  went  yet

         22/07/21  4:02am          📲  alright  you          📲  it’s  9am  there  and  i  woke  up  to  nothing          📲  i’m  calling  you  the  minute  i  finish  this  morning  radio  shit

         22/07/21  9:05am          📲  i’m  the  one  that’s  mean  to  be  the  gd  enigma  , evan

         22/07/21  10:00am            📲  well  ,  call  me  whenever  you’re  free  bc  i  would  like  to  know  if                   saint  valentine  swiped  our  best  photographer  from  us  

         23/07/21  3:02pm          📲  we  just  wrapped  soundcheck  for  the  day  and  we  go  on  at  9:15                 tonight          📲  so  i  can  talk  if  you’re  free

         23/07/21  3:43pm          📲  the  lads  said  they  haven’t  heard  anything  from  you  either            📲  is  everything  okay  ?          📲  has  something  happened  ?

what  the  HELL  was  going  on  ? surely  if  something  had  happened  to  her  eloise  ,  or  isla  ,  would  have  called  him  .  .  .  no  —  no  ,  she  was  busy  ; caught  up  in  editing  photos  for  saint  valentine  .  he’d  seen  how  focused  she  could  get  on  her  work  sometimes  &  with  him  not  there  to  pull  away  physically  the  time  could  EASILY  get  away  from  her  .  but  that  did  nothing  to  settle  the  cloud  that  dampened  the  glowing  embers  that  were  a  sad  excuse  from  his  post-show  high  . the  bottom  of  his  phone  tapped  against  his  palm  as  his  eyes  lifted  to  focus  upon  the  wall  above  the  wooden  clothes  rack  his  jacket  hung  on  .  it  didn’t  make  sense though  .  .  . she’d  been  shooting  for  saint  valentine  .  she  would  have  called  after  that  .  she  SHOULD  have  called  after  that  .  where  the  hell  was  she  ? “  you  okay  ?  ”  conan’s  voice  forced  his  eyes  to  refocus  ,  bringing  him  back  down  to  reality  ,  &  turn  his  attention  towards  him  .   silence  passed  between  them  for  a  split  second  as  kieran  tried  to  place  the  look  hidden  within  conan’s  features  .  they’d  been  friends  all  their  lives  .  he  wasn’t  imagining  the  smothered  worry  hidden  within  his  eyes  ,  “  what  do  you  know  ?  ” “  what  ?  ” he  lifted  his  phone  towards  conan  ,  “  evan  — ” &  there  it  was  ,  the  flicker  of  worry  break  through  the  cracks  .  it  was  all  he  needed  . “  i  asked  you  earlier  if  you’d  heard  from  her  .  ” “  i  haven’t  .  ” “  but  you  know  why  she’s  not  answering  me  ,  don’t  you  ?  ” “  guys  —  yo  ,  what  t’e  fuck’s  going on  —  ” but  kieran  ignored  ruairi  as  he  watched  conan’s  jaw  work  from  side  to side ,  “  what  the  fuck  aren’t  you  telling  me  ,  conan  ?  ”   but  it  was  mikey’s  voice  that  answered  him  & kieran’s  eyes  snapped  instantly  towards  him  ,  “  it’s  not  his  fault  ,  kid  .  i  told  him  not  to  say  anything  until  after  the  show  .  ”  kieran’s  gaze  flickered  towards  conan  for  a  moment  ,  noting  the  apologetic  look  in  his  eye  ,  before  he  looked  back  at  mikey  .  “  i  ,  we  ,  needed  you  out  there  with  a  clear  mind  .  ” “  why  wouldn’t  my  mind  be  clear  ?  ”   mikey’s  hand  lifted  to  rub  at  his  jaw  before  he  pointed  towards  the  couch  in  the  middle  of  the  room  ,   “  come  sit  down  .  i  have  something  to  show  you  .  ”

the  nausea  had  set  in  the  minute  he’d  taken  a  step  towards  the  couch  .  but the  minute  mikey  had  handed  him  the  article  brought  up  on  his  ipad   &  begun  to  explain ,  kieran  felt  SICK  .  his  fingers  curled  around  the  edges  of  the  ipad  tight  enough  to  press  harshly  into  his  flesh  .  no  —  NO  .  this  wasn’t  happening  .  it  made  NO  fucking  sense  .  Bex  &  The  Found’s  Kieran  Walsh  Confirm  Rumors  are  True  .  .  .  speculated  to  be  growing  intimately  closer  .  .  .  make  it  known  outside  of  their  inner  circle  .  he  couldn’t  stop  reading  it  .  he  couldn’t  stop  starring  at  the  photos  .  hoping  that  any  moment  one  of  them  would  yell  gotcha  or  the  article  would  simply  vanished  .  but  no  matter  how  hard  he  tried  or  how  long  he  waited  ,  nothing  changed  .  the  words  were  still  there  ,  plain  as  day  &  painting  him  as  a  liar  .  the  photos  were  still  there  ,  plain  as  day  & painting  him  as  an  ASSHOLE  .  this  couldn’t  be  happening  .   “  why  didn’t  you  tell  me  .  ”  his  voice  was  low  ,  dangerously  so  . “  we  needed  you  to  have  a  —  ” “  a  clear  fucking  head  ,  i  know  .  but  T’IS  —  ”  he  tossed  the  ipad  onto  the  table  between  them  as  dark  eyed  focused  on  mikey  ,  “  you  should  have  fucking  told  me  as  soon  as  you  found  out  .  ” “  jani  only  called  me  this  morning  .” “  it’s  been  out  for  T’REE  fucking  days  ,  mikey  .  ”  his  hands  jutted  out  towards  the  discarded  ipad  ,  “  what  t’e  FUCK  has  she  been  doing  for  t’ree  days  t’en  ?  she’s  our  fucking  pr  manager  isn’t  she  ? isn’t  it  her  job  to  look  out  for  shit  like  t’is  ? ” “  kieran  —  ”  conan’s  voice  broke  through  the  haze  &  his  fingers  curled  into  a  fist  as  he  turned  towards  him  , “  what  ?  ”   “  take  a  breath  .  ” kieran’s  gaze  darted  frantically  over  conan’s  features  .  but  as  conan  held  his  gaze  ,  the  anger  within  him  teetered  &  his  breath  hitched  in  his  chest  .  evan  had  to  know  this  was  all  bullshit  .  she  HAD  to  .  .  .  but  the  timing  of  it  all  was  too  much  to  gloss  over  .  the  photo  had  come  out  on  the  21st  &  he  hadn’t  heard  a  SINGLE  thing  from  her  since  .  she  wasn’t  just  busy  .  she  believed  it  . his  voice  cracked  as  he  spoke  ,  “  this  is  evan  .  ” “  we  know  .  ” it  was  then  he  took  a  look  around  at  the  four  that  sat  along  side  him  .  features  sharpened  by  anger  softening  as  he  dragged  in  a  deep  ,  shaky  breath  ,  “  t’is  is  all  bullshit  .  ”   but  as  ruairi’s  features  broke  from  a  second  kieran’s  brow  arched  ,  “  is  it  ?  ”   “  i’m  sorry  ?  ” “  well  —  i  just  mean  ,  DID  somet’ing  happen  between  you  two ?  ” he  froze  for  a  moment  .  processing  ruairi’s  words  &  trying  to  figure  out  if  he’d  heard  them  right  .  but  before  he  could  even  form  a  reply  ,  a  pillow  was  thrown  directly  into  ruairi’s  face  with  a  heavy  thump from  conan’s  direction  . “  what  kind  of  fucking  question  is  t’a  ,  mate  ?  ”   “  okay  ,  okay  —  stupid  question  . ”  ruairi  fumbled  with  the  pillow  down  as  he  brought  it  down  his  lap  ,  kieran  rolling  his  eyes  as  he  let  out  a  breath  &  bring  a  hand  to  rub  at  his  forehead  .  if  it  was  ANYONE  else  ,  it  would  have  be  the  last  straw  .  but  as  ruairi’s  gaze  darting  between  four  faces  that  looked  at  him  expectantly  ,  kieran  couldn’t  be  mad  as  he  explained   “  but  look  .  i  told  you  i  t’ought  she  seemed  t’  be  weaselling  in  a  lot  of  places  that  are  usually  made  for  evan  &  she  seemed  to  cling  onto  you  so  —  i  t’ought  since  no  one  seemed  to  WANT  to  ask  it  ,  i'd  ask  it .  just  t’  be  sure  . ”kieran’s  hand  dropped  to  his  lap  as  he  shook  his  head  ,  exhaling  a  breath  ,   “  i’m  not  cheating  on  evan  wit’  bex  .  ”  he  paused  for  a  moment  as  his  fingers  linked  together  ,  eyes  darting  towards  the  screen  of  mikey’s  ipad  ,  “  you  all  were  t’ere  .  we  were  taking  her  back  t’  t’e  bloody  hotel  because  she  was  DRUNK  .  ” his  gaze  were  frantic  once  more  as  they  darted  between  conan  ,  ruairi  &  ,  adam  ,  before  settling  on  mikey  ,  “  we  know  ,  kid  .  but  we’re  not  the  ones  you  need  to  be  telling  that  to  right  now  .  ”  he  was  right  .  it  had  been  THREE  days  since  this  had  dropped  &  all  he’d  said  to  evan  was  things  about  her  god  damn  saint  valentine  job  .  he’d  kept  the  whole  walking  out  of  the  interview  from  her  to  stop  her  from  freaking  out  over  rumours  of  him  being  with  bex  .  but  now  here  it  was  plastered  across  a  website  for  all  to  see  .  he  didn’t  want  to  think  what  was  going  on  in  her  head  .  “  yeah  ,  yeah  ,  you’re  right  . ”  his  hands  were  shaky  as  he  reached  for  his  phone  jean  pockets  ,  so  much  so  that  it  took  a  few  attempts  to  be  able  to  press  her  name  on  his  list  of  recent  calls  before  he  brought  it  to  her  ear  .  one  ring  ,  two  rings  ,  three  rings  ,  four  rings .  .  .  voice  message  .  he  pulled  the  phone  from  his  ear  &  hung  up  .  “  fuck  .  ” “  it’s  early  in  the  morning  t’ere  ,  right  ?  she’s  probably  asleep  .  ”  adam  ,  always  the  voice  of  reason  . “  fuck  t’at  .  she  can  wake  up  .  ”  ruairi  ,  an  idiot  but  the  most  inline  with  the  thoughts  in  his  own  mind  .  she  did  make  him  promise  to  call  no  matter  the  time  .  “  try  again  .  ”&  he  did  as  took  in  a  breath  as  he  pressed  her  contact  again  ,  lighting  his  phone  up  before  he  brought  it  to  his  ear  . &  he  tried  again &  again  &  again  .  he  tried  until  finally  ,  the  line  on  the  other  end  broke  .  he  sat  up  straighter  ,  forcing  everyone  around  him  to  tense  .  nothing  .  no  voice  message  .  he  took  the  phone  away  from  his  ear  for  a  moment  to  see  the  time  ticking  over  .   “  what’s  going  —  ”  but  kieran  waved  ruairi  away  as  he  brought  the  phone  back  to  his  ear  .  hesitating  for  one  more  second  before  he  finally  spoke  ,  “  evan  ?  ”  another  pause  ,  “  don’t  hang  up  .  please  .  ”  he  shifted  to  the  edge  of  the  couch  ,  “  i  can  explain  everyt’ing  .  ”

[hypmic-writings]

Hi there! I love your writing about jakurai and I want some moreee heehee. A scenario where jakurai is just so busy and his so misses him like A LOT but doesn't want to get in his way. But, the so kinda makes it obvious bc they can't hide their feelings (like from gestures or whatever). If you think it's too specific, feel free to change/alter it to your liking! Tysm!!!

Oooooh boy, this was intense to write for sure, but I love these kinds of prompts so it was totally worth it. Also, I really love imagining Jakurai comforting his s/o so that was nice Definitely a bit of angst in here, but there’s some fluff at the end too, so I hope that’s okay and that you like it~

--

Jakurai was someone that could read people in seconds.

Throughout your relationship, he was always able to tell what mood you were in, what you needed, or even what you wanted. Sometimes he could tell these things before you could even do so yourself. You knew this and absolutely loved it about him…sometimes you even depended on it.

So when you had barely seen your fiancé at all during the week and were missing him with all your heart, you vowed not to show it so easily to him. You knew he was working long hours at the hospital and picking up extra shifts due to a rise in the number of patients. You knew he was helping people and saving lives. You knew that he was putting his all into doing work for the greater good.

Did that make you selfish for wanting him to spend more time with you? You weren’t sure, and you might even feel a bit guilty for being upset at the lack of interaction with him, but you didn’t want to show it.

That didn’t mean he couldn’t see it.

-- 

‘I’ll be home late again tonight. Sorry, darling’ – 19:33

You stared down at your phone on the kitchen counter, still holding onto the spoon you were using to cook the ramen for that evening’s dinner. You let out a small sigh and dropped it heavily in the pot, feeling mixed emotions of anger and sadness flow through you.

You quickly texted him back with a reassurance that it was fine and that he should stay safe before finishing the task at hand. Once the ramen was made, you placed it in a bowl and sat down at the dinner table to eat. Alone. Again.

Once you were finished, you took a shower and made your way to the couch. You sat down, cuddling yourself as tightly as possible under the blanket but unable to fill the coldness you felt. Your eyes began to droop and feel heavy in the darkness of the room and before you knew it, you had fallen asleep.

You awoke to strong arms wrapping around you and pulling you up from the couch. Willing your eyes open with a groan you could only vaguely make out Jakurai’s form in the darkness.

“Jak…u…rai…” you mumbled incoherently as he placed you on the bed gently.

“I’m sorry I woke you, love,” he said, his voice low and soft. He moved to pull his arms away but you tugged him back towards you with whatever strength you had in your half-asleep state.

“No…please stay…I’ve missed…you…” you muttered, your voice cracking a bit. Your exhausted mind could only think of the one thing you had been deprived of lately – Jakurai. You received a deep chuckle from the man as he shifted to sit up on the bed next to you, rubbing small circles soothingly into your back.

“Of course,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. Feeling him warm and right beside you, you were soon swept away by sleep once more.

When you awoke, you reached over to the other side of the bed, feeling the empty space and letting out a heavy sigh. He was gone. Again. You reached for your phone, already knowing that there would be a text from him saying that the hospital called him in early, but to your surprise, there was none.

You brought yourself out of bed and slowly made your way into the living room.

“Jakurai?” you called out, your voice groggy from not being used. You spotted him on the sofa, pulling on his shoes with a bag resting next to him. When he heard your voice, he looked up at you and frowned slightly.

“Ah, Y/N. It’s early, you should go back to sleep and get some rest,” he said, standing up and making his way to you. Any hope you had of him being able to spend the day with you was dashed when you saw his white coat.

“Oh…you’re going to work? I thought you were off today…” you stated, slowly in as measured of a voice as possible. Jakurai sighed and nodded.

“Unfortunately. The hospital called and said they needed me to come in. We’re a bit short staffed right now so…” Jakurai trailed off slightly as he watched you avert your gaze from his.

“Okay, that’s fine, I understand,” you said, trying to smile but failing miserably. Y

“Y/N,” Jakurai said, gently as he reached out for your hand. You held your breath and moved, keeping your eyes downwards as you turned your back to him to face the kitchen.

“You should at least let me make you some lunch, you have to make sure you eat if you’re going to be working so much. I think there’s so ramen from – ”

You were cut off by the sensation of Jakurai slowly pressing himself against your back and wrapping you in his arms from behind. You tried to move or say anything, but your body seemed to be frozen. You hadn’t been this close to him in days but it had felt like an eternity to you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jakurai whispered into your neck where he was resting your head. At his words you felt the hot sting of tears begin to well up and your throat begin to constrict.

No. You didn’t want to cry. You didn’t want to make him feel bad about doing his work – his passion. But you had just missed him so goddam much, that it hurt your heart to think about. Your mind ran a million miles an hour as Jakurai continued, speaking slowly and softly

“This has been hard on you, hasn’t it? I can tell it has. The long hours and night shifts…we haven’t had a proper conversation at all this week.” His hair slightly tickled your neck and you closed your eyes tightly, not wanting to speak for fear of breaking down.

“I should have talked about my schedule with you first. I’m so incredibly sorry for making you feel this way, my love. I should have known -”

“Stop it…please…” you croaked, interrupting Jakurai as you turned around, still in his embrace, to look up at him with eyes glistening with tears. He was slightly surprised at your words, but his look quickly changed into one of knowing as he began to understand your position.

“This is all my fault, not yours. I’m the one that’s being selfish! I’m being possessive and ridiculous and…” you said, a bit louder in frustration as your gaze became blurry with tears. You took a moment to gulp for air before continuing.

“Why aren’t you mad at me right now?! I’m so stupid, I mean, look at me! I’m crying because I haven’t seen you in days, meanwhile you’ve been of saving people’s lives and doing things for the greater good…and…and…”

This time, you cut yourself off as you gave into your emotions and began to sob hard. Jakurai instinctively pulled you into his chest with one arm and wrapped the other around the back of your head to support it. He slowly knelt down to the floor and rocked you ever so gently as he hushed you quietly.

“It’s alright, Y/N,” he whispered. “I’m here with you now, you can let everything out.”

Jakurai held you closely as you let out your wave of emotions, sputtering incoherent sentences into his chest every now and then that were met with soft touches of love from your fiancé. He waited for your sobs to subside a bit before tugging on your cheek lightly to pull your gaze up to him. As soon as your eyes met his, he gave you the gentlest of smiles.

“Listen to me, my love. I would never be angry at you for feeling upset. You’re haven’t been selfish at all and please don’t say those things about yourself. Your feelings are valid, Y/N. Nothing that’s happened is your fault,” he insisted, his words strong and comforting.

Jakurai’s reassuring words cascaded around you as your labored breathing began to return to normal with a few small hitches hear and there. You closed your eyes once more and shook your head.

“I’m sorry,” you began but Jakurai hushed you once more.

“Please, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” he said, kissing your forehead lightly. You gave up trying to argue, instead finding comfort in the warmth of his embrace. The two of you stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled away slightly.

“I have the day off tomorrow and I’ll make sure to tell them I can’t come in at all. So why don’t you tell me, love, what do you want to do?” he asked, gazing at you lovingly as he brushed away a stray tear from your cheek. You let out a small hiccup before leaning over to press your lips against his softly.

“I don’t care. I just want to spend it with you.”  

[petersasteria]

Hey could I request a Harry x reader where Harry hasn't really been talking to the reader for quite some time and ignore her texts and stuff. So she talks with best friend!tom, bc she actually met Tom first, about it and asks if she did something wrong, bc she thinks it has to be her. Tom gets really mad at Harry (protective!Tom) and gives him a piece of his mind, but Harry already know he fucked up bc he heard the conversation and never wants to see y/n be sad bc of again. Thank youu

This could be a little side blurb for ‘Anger Issues’ bc the bestfriend!tom thing happened there. So if u haven’t read ‘Anger Issues’ yet, read it first for context I guess.

‘m cleaning out my inbox

Ignorance Is Your New Best Friend - Harry Holland

* * * *

Y/N/N Tom, idk what to do :((

Tommy :P what’s up??

Y/N/N I’ll call u

Tom’s phone rang and he immediately picked it up. He put it on speaker because he was too tired to hold his phone. He just finished cleaning his room, anyway. As soon as he put you on speaker, his broke when he heard you sniffling.

“Y/N, darling, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Tom asked softly. You were his best friend and he was so ready to hurt anyone who hurt you. He swore that to himself when he first met you at therapy.

“Harry hasn’t been responding to my texts. I don’t even know if I did or said anything for him to ignore me.” You cried. “I tried calling, but it goes straight to his voicemail. I don’t know what’s wrong. I tried reaching out. I even tried e-mailing him even though he probably doesn’t read e-mails.”

Tom frowned. He was upset that his brother would do such a thing. He was disappointed AND surprised. Tom thought that after yours and Harry’s little trip to Dorset, he would at least change or something. “How long has that been going on?” Tom asked.

There was silence as you mentally counted how long Harry has been ignoring you. “Three days.” You sniffed and wiped your tears. “Can you please talk to him pour moi?”

“You bet your smokin’ hot ass, I’ll talk to him! ‘M gonna give him a piece of my mind, I swear. I’ll call you later, darling. In the mean time, try to distract yourself or talk to Harrison. He likes to ramble a lot and you’ll forget your worries. Trust me.” Tom said as he stood up from his bed.

You giggled, “Thanks Tom. You’re such a great best friend.”

“Anything for you, love. Talk to ya later!” Tom said before he hung up. He walked to his door and opened it only to see Harry already standing there. Tom looked at him and crossed his arms, “I assume you heard?”

Harry nodded and frowned. Tom let him in his room and closed the door. Harry sat on Tom’s bed as Tom looked at him in disappointment with his hands on his hips. Tom looked like a disappointed mum.

“Why the fuck have you been ignoring your girlfriend? You’ve been together for a few months now. I thought you’d be better now. Why do you keep shutting her out?” Tom questioned.

“She hasn’t done anything wrong if that’s what you’re thinking.” Harry said. Tom rolled his eyes, “I know it’s not her fault. I know that it’s yours.”

Harry glared at him, “Well, I’m sorry for having these demons inside my head, alright?! They’re worse than usual and I can’t control them anymore! Joanne can’t even fucking help me!”

 “So I’m fucking sorry that I can’t be the perfect boyfriend for Y/N! But if you don’t already know, NOBODY’S FUCKING PERFECT!!” Harry yelled.

Tom looked at him. He was gobsmacked. “Harry, just tell me what’s wrong. What’s the matter? What are your demons saying?” Tom said softly.

“They reminded me that Kevin’s death anniversary is coming up now and they’re blaming me for his death. Maybe they’re right.” Harry cried. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? He died because of me! I haven’t been texting Y/N because I don’t want to randomly explode in anger, y’know? And I know that I fucked up because I haven’t been returning her calls and answering her texts but I felt the need to be alone for awhile to calm down.”

“Harry, you could’ve told any of us.” Tom frowned as he pulled Harry for a tight hug knowing he needed it. Harry hugged back as he cried.

“I think you should call Y/N. You don’t have to tell her everything. Just tell her what you can, okay? Take a deep breath and calm down.” Tom said.

Once Harry calmed down, he took out his phone from his hoodie’s pocket. He immediately called you and he sighed in relief when you answered.

“Harry? Are you okay?”

“I need to tell you something.” Harry said as he looked at Tom who gave him a smile and a thumbs up. Harry began telling you about his demons and he told you what he just told Tom and you were glad that he wasn’t mad at you. You were proud that he was able to tell you everything, something he’s only done once. That day in Dorset.

“Thank you for telling me, Harry. I love you.” You smiled through the phone.

“I love you too.” Harry grinned. 

“I’m always here to listen to you, okay? Don’t be scared to tell me. I’m your girlfriend and I’m staying with you for a long time whether you like it or not.” You told him.

Harry chuckled as he thought of something, “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“On Kevin’s death anniversary, can you come with me to visit him? I really want you to meet him and I’m sure he’s mad at me for not introducing him to you soon.” Harry laughed at the thought.

“Of course I’ll come with you.” You smiled. “Well, I have to sleep now. Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, Y/N. I love you so much and I’m here for you too.” Harry smiled.

“Good night and I love you too.” You giggled before hanging up. Harry stood up from the bed and began to walk out of Tom’s room. Before he left, he turned to Tom and said, “Thanks Tom.”

“Anytime, Harry. We all really like her for you and I won’t let anything ruin both of you.” Tom said as Harry laughed and left.

“I MEAN IT, HARRY ROBERT HOLLAND!!” Tom called out.

* * * *

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @sufwubi​​ @abrielleholland​​ @osterfieldnholland​​ @purplepizza-summerrain​​ @euphorichxlland​ @marshxx​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr​ @petersholland​ @osterfieldnholland​ @miraclesoflove​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @perspectiveparker 

add yourself to my taglist if you’re cool x

[acerine]

Can I request a naruto x reader? Where she’s apart of team 7 and her and naruto was dating but they fight and break up. Which causes her to get depressed and develop an eating disorder and everyone gets worried when she shows up to train bc she looks sickly and her bones stick out badly. Just angst with happy ending? (You don’t have to write it if you’re uncomfortable with this topic. I suffer from anorexia and it’s hard to find stories on this topic. I do understand if you don’t wanna write it)

Hold Me

Pairing: Naruto x Reader

Warnings: Angst, eating disorder, like one cuss word

A/N: I don't have a problem with writing about disorders but I just get worried that i’m not portraying them properly, please reach out to someone if you are suffering. aaaand that ending wasn't as happy as I wanted but I think it works. 

I don't have much knowledge on anorexia so im so sorry if I didn't write about it properly. 

masterlist

uzumaki naruto

You groaned and plopped yourself on a bench near the entrance to the village, exhausted from the search for your boyfriend. He had dashed off immediately after training was finished without a word to you; again. You were getting worried due to how often this was happening, especially worried because he had been speaking to you less -- the only time you really saw him was during Team 7 training. You had asked Sasuke and Kakashi if they knew where he was going but they seemed to be just as clueless as you.

Looking up and seeing the sun set, you decided it was time to head home. He’d tell you whatever was troubling him eventually; you could only hope at least. “Nope -- don’t doubt him, he's never given you a reason to.” you softly mumbled to yourself, but the creeping heaviness in your heart told you otherwise.

As you walked through the village you felt your stomach grumble, the exhaustion from training and searching finally catching up to you. You decided to stop by Ichiraku’s -- it was on the way to your house and their ramen is rejuvenating, especially after gruesome training with Sasuke. shudder. He certainly gives training his all, the developing bruises were proof of that.

“Naruto that’s your 3rd bowl!” a voice giggled, bringing you back to reality.

Did they just say Naruto? Of course your boyfriend would be here! Why didn't you think of checking Ichiraku’s first? You quietly chuckled to yourself as you walked towards the voices, excited to finally see your boyfriend and share some ramen with him. But you certainly weren't expecting to see your boyfriend with his arm around Sakura nor did you expect to see how close their faces were

...

“Naruto...what are you doing?” your voice cracked slightly. Naruto and Sakura both halted their movements. Slowly he turned his head to gaze at you, “W-What are you doing here Y/n?”

Sakura looked guilty and avoided your gaze; immediately letting you know that she was aware of your relationship and what she was doing. “No seriously, what are you doing here with her?” you forced out, the strain in your voice becoming less evident, your anger overpowering your sadness.

“I was just catching up with Sakura, I haven't seen her since she started working with the other medical ninja!” He yelled out in an attempt to defend himself, his eyes darting away from you to his bowl. “Y/n calm down...it’s not what it looks like.” Sakura softly spoke. You scoffed, “Then why cant either of you look at me?”

No response.

After a minute of silence you had had enough, “Okay well don't stop on my behalf. Have fun with Sakura, Naruto.” Turning around, you began to walk away before feeling a grip on your upper arm, “Wait what's that supposed to mean?”

“Im pretty sure you know what it means.” Ripping your arm away from his grasp you sluggishly began your walk home, your body in pain from training and from your aching heart.

...

You closed the door behind you, locking it, and diving face-first onto your couch. The events from before finally registering in your head. Soft sobs began to fill the empty room and the couch pillows became stained with tears. What did she have that you didn't? You knew he used to have a crush on her when he was younger but you thought he outgrew it. Hell, you thought she had a crush on Sasuke, since when has she been interested in Naruto? Your mind was filled with questions.

Your stomach grumbled once again, this time louder than before. You didn't have the energy to get up and make yourself anything -- you weren't even sure if you even had food at home. Moving into a sitting position you glanced at the kitchen before getting up and heading to your room, you could eat in the morning after you slept off today’s events.

...

You woke up and slowly got ready for training; not mentally prepared to face Naruto after your break up. You felt a pang in your chest at the thought of his name -- making you aware of how difficult training was going to be. You sighed and began to make your way to the training grounds, taking a look at the kitchen. The last time you ate was yesterday morning but you felt fine, although the painful growl said otherwise. Shaking your head, you moved towards the door and left.

...

Naruto hadn’t showed up to training today. Kakashi said he had gone on a year training mission with Jiraiya. How convenient. They could both tell something was off between you two. “How about we cancel practice today? I think we deserve a day off.” Sasuke rolled his eyes at Kakashi, “And what are we supposed to do while you read a crappy book?”

“How about you two be actual teenagers for once?” Kakashi grumbled before heading off, leaving you and Sasuke alone with nothing to do. “Well since the moron and Kakashi aren’t here do you want to train with me?” Sasuke was pretty hardcore when it came to training — seriously, this kid did not know how to hold back. Training was life or death with him but you didn’t know what else you could possibly do on your free time other than wallow in your self pity, so you agreed.

Yeah, let’s just say you were better off moping in your room.

...

Your body felt so weak from training, the only fuel being emitted into your body came from a banana. You were constantly burning away calories and weren’t eating enough to refill them but you just couldn’t bring yourself to eat a proper meal. After finding Naruto and Sakura 12 months ago, you hadn’t felt hungry. Sure your body was weak and your stomach growled occasionally but you weren’t hungry. You hated how everyone said otherwise.

“Y/N are you sure you’re not hungry? You’re starting to look like a pile of bones...”

“Seriously, i think you should eat something.”

“Your movements are becoming sluggish, fix it.”

It was all you heard now. You felt fine. You looked fine. Why was everyone freaking out? Was it because you lost a bit of weight?!

Annoyed, you began to make your way to the meet Kakashi and Sasuke. Today would be the day Naruto returned and you just wanted to get it over with. Once you arrived all you were met with the usual concerned gazes from Kakashi, an indifferent Sasuke, but now you were met with a new pair of eyes. He looked good. Really good. 

Fuck, you couldn’t do this. “You know what...i’m not feeling too hot right now so i’m going to head on home.” Your words tumbling out as you spun around, ready to return the way you came. But your legs crumbled from underneath you, too weak to fully support you anymore. You could hear Kakashi and Sasuke’s cries of concern but you couldn’t focus on them, you could only focus on the one person you didn’t want to. “Woah, what’s wrong?!” Came his frantic voice — his arms capturing your frame before you could fully hit the ground.

Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me.

You knew he could feel your bones, your oversized shirt no longer able to hide your secret. His eyes hardened before picking you up and carrying you to your house. You felt so tired and it felt like this was a dream. Everything was so hazy and you couldn’t fully comprehend what was going on. Did you actually collapse at the training field or did you hallucinate that? You couldn’t tell anymore.

But his hold on you felt real. His scent smelled real. What was he doing carrying you, you two broke up because he decided to get cozy with another girl.

Before you knew it you were being laid on your bed, “I’m going to go get some food, just...wait for me okay?” His voice cracked. Why did his voice crack? “Yeah uh okay...” Why were you agreeing to what he was saying? You watched as he walked away from your room, “What is going on?” you softly mumbled to yourself, attempting to regain your sense of reality. Staring up at the ceiling, you didn’t realize how much you changed in the year that you two broke up. Yeah okay maybe you lost some weight, and maybe you only left your room when it was time for training or missions, but was it really that odd? 

You saw Naruto coming back into your room and sat on the bed -- it dipping under his sudden weight. He had made you some soup, surprisingly not ramen, and held the spoon up to your lips, “Eat it.” You couldn't bring yourself to argue with him so you complied. The only sounds surrounding you two were the clanging of the spoon against the bowl and your small gulps. Your stomach felt warm, you had forgotten the feeling of a full stomach. 

A choked sob captured your attention. You looked up away from the bowl held in front of you and saw the tears streaming down your ex-boyfriend’s face. “Im sorry for doing this to you. I wouldn't have left if I knew this would happen.” His voice shakily cried out. You didn't know what to do, was your condition really that bad? He set the bowl onto your nightstand and cradled your cheek, his other hand wiping at his tears. “I’m so sorry.” He continuously cried out. 

The hand on your cheek felt warm, it was nice. Both of his hands now wiped at your cheeks, you hadn't realized you were crying but he was wiping your tears away for you. 

Maybe you were broken, maybe it was his fault, who could say? You pulled him into the bed with you and he held you in his arms -- he made you feel like you would be okay, he made you feel safe again. Sure you two had a long way to go before you could trust him but for now you were happy just being with him. Like it was before that day last year. 

“Please just hold me.”

[murdershegoat]

Eliza and Jeremiah not letting Kara try out for any school sports teams bc her powers give her an unfair advantage so she instead volunteers to become the school mascot and somehow manages to charm her way into cheerleader Lena’s heart

(also on ao3)

maybe it’s her cynical nature, but lena’s not sure how one person can contain as much school spirit as kara danvers seems to. kara who bounces around the halls between classes and has a laugh so loud that it can cut right through even the noisiest of cafeterias. kara who is the only student who can get away with calling Principal Grant ‘The Big G’ and ‘G-Money’ to her face. Kara, who is the only person willing to don a Midvale High Bears costume at every major (and minor) sporting event in which the school is involved.

it’s unnatural, lena decides. a normal person cannot hold that amount of pep. a normal person cannot be that excited by the prospect of spending two hours every other week in a heavy, sweaty bear costume. and lena’s not sure why kara just doesn’t join one of the several teams she mascots for. she’s a bit lanky, a bit uncoordinated, sure, but lena has always noticed the muscles across her body, the biceps and the sharp calves and the abs. god, the abs. and despite kara’s seeming inability to walk ten steps without tripping over something, lena’s seen her land impossible trickshots on the basketball court, seen her run one of the fastest miles as a warm up in gym, seen her throw a football the length of the damn field when she thinks nobody’s look at her.

but the joke’s on kara.

because lena’s always looking at her.

not in like, a weird way. it’s just that they always happen to be around each other. they’re in the same AP classes and have the same lunch and gym periods and they live across the road from each other which means lena regularly sees kara in her front yard doing cartwheels or climbing trees as her sister looks on, uninterested. and now that lena’s on the cheer squad, she sees more of kara than ever before and it’s starting to get on lena’s nerves.

stupid friendly gorgeous mascot.

it’s one of the first football games of the season and lena’s stretching on the sidelines as the crowd starts to arrive. she’s not used to her uniform just yet - it shows a lot more of her skin than she usually does. if she’s being completely honest, she doesn’t even like cheerleading the much. but she’s good at it and it’s good to diversify her college applications just a bit and it pisses her mother off just enough for it to be truly satisfying.

‘looking good, luthor!’ kara calls out as she jogs onto the field with her head piece tucked under her arm. lena rolls her eyes, ignoring the heat she feels rise in her cheeks. she’s not sure why kara always calls out to her specifically when there are about a dozen other girls on the team. she’s heard the rumours about kara kissing girls in bathrooms at house parties. does kara have a crush on lena? the thought alone - of kara pinning her against a bathroom sink at some jock’s house as muffled music drifts through the floors, with beer on their breath and their bodies loose and warm - the thought makes lena’s stomach feel odd and heavy.

lena finishes stretching and moves onto the field grass with the team as they do a warm-up pyramid. the stands are just more than half full and the game doesn’t start for another half hour which means the cheerleaders are going to have their work cut out for them.

‘alright ladies,’ andrea says. ‘get in the three tier formation.’

in next to no time, lena gets hoisted to the very top of the pyramid. but instead of bethany h. catching her left foot, she knocks it hard with the back of her hand and bethany s. loses her own gripping and lena goes tumbling back. she doesn’t even have time to panic as a frightened yell rings out from the crowd, she just accepts her fate of falling to the ground and getting a cheerleading career ending injury. but instead she finds herself safe and secure in kara danvers arms.

‘where the hell did you come from?’ she murmurs as andrea yells at the bethanys.

‘would you believe i fell from the sky?’ kara grins. ‘your own personal guardian angel.’

lena’s stomach flutters as she stares up into kara’s impossibly blue eyes. the moment feels intimate despite the fact a growing crowd stares at them both.

‘could you… put me down maybe?’ lena asks, even though she doesn’t mean it.

kara frowns. ‘oh. right.’ she tips lena onto her feet, her hand staying on the small of lena’s back as she gets her balance right.

‘are you sure you’re okay?’ kara asks, the jest disappearing from her tone.

‘just a bit shaken i think,’ lena says, smoothing the pleats of her skirt.

‘luthor!’ andrea calls. ‘you’re off for the game.’

lena’s mouth falls open in shock. ‘that wasn’t even my fault!’ 

‘i don’t care,’ andrea says. ‘it was sloppy and you’re currently shaking like a leaf. you’re sidelined for tonight.’

lena scowls as she stalks to the sidelines, pushing past andrea and collecting her bag. she’s not even halfway to her car when she hears someone calling her name.

‘luthor! lena! wait up!’

kara’s jogging towards her, barely weighed down by the ridiculous costume she’s wearing.

‘shouldn’t you be warming up the crowd right about now?’ lena asks as she gets closer.

‘i thought… you did seem pretty shaken up back there. and i know you’re tough as nails but i thought maybe i should drive you home.’

‘you’d miss the game. you haven’t missed a game in three years.’

kara shrugs. ‘some things are more important.’

lena stares at her for a moment, trying to figure out what kara could possibly get out of this situation. but kara stares back at her, that annoyingly earnest smile all over her gorgeous face. lena begrudgingly hands kara her keys and walks to the passengers’ side. she sneaks a glance at kara peeling off the mascot costume, revealing a pair of basketball shorts and a sports bra. she puts the bear on the backseat before climbing into the drivers’ seat and lena fixes her stare firmly at the glove compartment in front of her, willing herself not to look at kara’s abs or arms or–

‘you be DJ,’ kara says as she starts the car. barely looking, lena puts it on her favourite radio channel and curses every god she can think of when kara starts singing along with the voice of a goddamn angel.

‘so you have everything, huh?’ lena asks. ‘you’re a genius. you’re popular. you’re genuine. you can sing. what can’t you do?’

kara laughs. ‘well i do suck at parallel parking. and you’re one to talk. on track to being valedictorian. had a paper published about the theoretical use of nanobots in healthcare. wrote an award winning essay for ms. brown’s english class. and you’re a damn cheerleader, too, top of the pyramid.’

‘it’s not as impressive as it all sounds,’ lena mumbles, before noticing that they’ve stopped and kara has (perfectly parallel) parked and is turning off the engine.

‘this isn’t my house,’ lena says.

‘and you’re skills of deduction are impeccable,’ kara adds with a laugh. ‘we’re at noonan’s diner and i’m buying you a milkshake; you almost died tonight.’

‘i did not.’

‘true, but only because i saved your life. which means you should be buying me a milkshake.’

lena smiles but only for a moment. she reaches into the backseat and rummages around in her sports bag. she pulls out a midvale high gym tshirt and hands it to kara before conceding.

‘fine. milkshakes on me.’

//

kara gets the most complicated milkshake lena’s ever seen, impossibly tall with a donut resting on the whipped cream at the top, and it looks even more ostentatious sitting beside lena’s order of a small vanilla milkshake, hold the whipped cream.

‘how do you do it?’ lena asks. kara raises her eyebrows in lieu of a verbal ‘what’, her mouth filled with milkshake. ‘how do you eat all the junk i see you eat and still look like… that.’ lena gestures to kara’s body.

‘wicked fast metabolism. and i work out a lot. and my foster mom makes sure i eat healthy food for breakfast and dinner. i just sneak the junk in at school and on weekends.’

‘i’ll add ‘eat anything’ to the list of ‘can do everything’.’

‘i can’t do everything,’ kara says, this time with a sad smile. ‘i can’t play the sports i want to play because my foster mother’s read too many studies on dire injuries in high school athletes. and i can’t seem to be fully myself, no matter how hard i try. i’m always just… someone else’s version of kara.’

‘i guess we’re the perfect pair,’ lena chuckles. ‘no matter what i do, it’s never enough for my family, and it’s never as big as anything my brother has achieved. and i’m so sick of being at the top of the damn pyramid and having my life in the hands of the world’s dumbest bethanys.’

‘we should stop,’ kara says, leaning forward conspiratorially. ‘you stop cheering and i’ll stop being the dumb mascot and we can just… be. we can just be. we can just be happy. or whatever.’

lena stares at kara over their milkshakes and she thinks of the rumours of kara with girls in bathrooms and she thinks of how maybe she wants to be one of those girls and how maybe even more than that she just wants kara to hold her again and how angry lillian would be if she found out about kara.

for a moment, she wonders if she could just stop trying to be everything her mother wants and instead just be lena and have fun with just kara and feel like a normal teenager with normal teenaged problems. she wonders if kara is thinking the same thing as her.

but lena knows. she knows that being a luthor means she can never be just lena. and as she looks at the expression on kara’s face - one of bittersweet longing - lena thinks maybe kara carries similar pressures on her own shoulders.

she watches with a smile as kara - with her hands firmly on the table - tries to bite into the donut that bobs atop her drink. she gets whipped cream all over her face. maybe she can’t do everything, after all.

//

‘here you go,’ kara says, turning the car off outside the luthor house and twisting around to face her. ‘i hope you’re feeling better.’

‘never felt better,’ lena says earnestly. ‘thank you. for driving me home and keeping me company. and making me buy us milkshakes.’ she feels transparent under kara’s stare, like she can read her every thought and feel the way her heart beats wildly in her chest. there’s something in the air that lena’s not sure she’s felt before, an energy in the silence, in the way kara looks at her.

‘i-i’ve heard the rumours about you, you know,’ lena says quietly, unsure if she’s trying to ward kara off or if she’s trying to yell god, me too, i’m the same. ‘what you do with girls at parties. what people say about you.’

kara’s eyes gleam, and her smile turns cocky. ‘weird. because i see the way you look at me, lena, the way you look at other girls. i see you watch me.’

lena remains silent. is this what it is, to be known? to have others look at you and not see what you want them to see?

‘tell me i’m wrong,’ kara whispers. ‘tell me you don’t want the same thing i want.’

‘what.’ lena swallows. ‘what do you want?’

and then kara leans over the centre console. and it’s not a bathroom and kara tastes impossibly sweet instead of like beer, but she’s kissing lena nonetheless. slow and self assured and confident. and lena’s kissing her back, every hair on her arms standing to attention, every nerve ending alight, every neuron in her brain screaming incessantly. kara danvers is kissing her. kara danvers is kissing her and it feels fucking amazing.

‘can i drive with you to school tomorrow?’ kara asks, as they pull apart. and for the first time since lena’s known her, she sounds nervous.

‘of course.’

‘goodnight, lena,’ she says, and lena can’t control herself; she kisses her once more, chaste and quick.

‘goodnight, kara.’

lena floats inside and up to her room, the weight of kara’s lips still dancing on hers. as she reaches her bed, her phone buzzes with a message from kara with nothing other than a long string of indecipherable emojis.

but lena thinks she understands what she’s trying to say; there are several red heart emojis that makes lena’s own heart flutter.

and for the first time in a very long time, lena falls asleep with a smile on her face, looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.

[beyoncesdragon]

The Sin pt. 2

The confession  

Pariring: Tommy Shelby x Reader 

Warnings: some making out bc I want that and lots and lots of swearing 

Summary: It’s an invite that went missing and feelings that got returned. Just a little late, a little unfortunate and a little unholy. In this part: Where Tommy confesses something to the reader and Grace plays a different part in it than imagined. 

Here: Where Tommy finally comes home.

a/n: first of all: I am so so so so so sorry for taking ages to write this. believe me I have around 4 different versions of this, all over 3k words long. I struggled greatly with this, and it’s my own fockin fault. I think I have never, and I mean never struggled more and I hateeeee this. but it just doesn't seem to get better. I am sorry. I hope you still read and enjoy🥺

Just because I can remember @soleil-dor​ asking specifically...this for u. I am so SORRY fuck

My Masterlist 

My doorbell ringed at the same time the church bells stroke midnight and it scared me half to death. I’d fallen asleep on the couch, only dressed in my flowy nightgown and a light blanket over my shoulders, the book had already slipped from my grip. I sat up, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders, carefully approaching the door. I heard a rumble from upstairs, probably Elise jumping out of her bed. I sighed, deciding that I would just open the door myself.

The last man I had expected to stand in front of my door, soaked to the bone and with pale face and tousled hair was him. Not that I had expected anyone, but especially not him.

My eyes flickered over his silhouette and back to his face. There was something strange in his eyes, something broken from the inside, almost. His posture remained as always, proud, upright and unbothered but his eyes…I remember how Polly had once mentioned to him that the eyes were the doors to the soul. Tommy had just blankly stared at her, given her an unfazed look before lowly explaining that he, in fact, must’ve lost his soul in France then, because nobody would ever read him through his eyes. And I had almost believed him. Almost.

I snapped out of my thoughts and tilted my head. I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted another Shelby around at that time of the day.

The white light of a lightning flared across the dark night and made me flinch. To hell with this, I was not letting anyone stand outside my door during weather like this. With a small sigh I stepped aside, letting him pass me to come in. Elise, my loyal handmaiden who had peaked from behind my back, quickly shuffled aside, the worry still haven’t left her face. Usually it would’ve been her opening up, but I had allowed her to go to sleep already because I really wanted to finish that book...so she’s been freed from that duty. However, it didn’t stop her from come running when she heard the doorbell ring.

My eyes fell on a gun in her hand, as it suited the only handmaiden in an unprotected house. Yet I still always chuckled seeing her like this: wearing a light green nightshirt which reached down over her knees, backless slippers and a nightcap to protect her light brown curls. And then a bloody gun. I supressed a grin.

“Madam…?” she whispered as I closed the door shut, giving him a suspicious look. “It’s fine Elise. It’s just Tommy he…he’s okay. You can go to bed again. Or maybe if you would just prepare a the kettle with some hot water for tea…” I suggested, eyes trailing over Tommy. This man needed tea, urgently.

She nodded almost reluctantly before hinting a curtesy. Almost secretive she however handed me the gun, as if to make sure I could still shoot him if in need. I bit back a smile and nodded at her, before looking back at Tommy.

He had his eyes locked on me, a strong unbroken gaze. He didn’t even blink. His black coat was dripping down onto the carpet, his hands held his hat tightly. His eyes left me to follow the young frame of Elise leaving the kitchen with a nod into our direction and tiredly climbing up the stairs.

“She’s handed you a gun.” Those were the first words he had said to me since that phone call, around two weeks ago. His eyes now fell to my hands before I could place the gun down or hide it…so I wouldn’t offend him. But he’s seen it, obviously.

“She has. People are not scared enough of women to leave us alone.” I explained with a shrug, looking down at the shimmering weapon in my hand. “Y’gonna use it?” I looked up surprised. “Against who? You?” he shrugged, face blank and impossible to read. I could only chuckle at that, shaking my head and placing it down. “Obviously not?” he nodded in a matter-of-factly before suddenly grabbing my hips and shoving me against the wall behind me. His hand were everywhere and his lips left burning kisses all over my neck and jaw.

“T-Tommy…?” I could only stutter, completely taken aback by his eagerness, his neediness and his want. His cloak was still wet and cold and I could feel it soak through my thin silky nightgown as he pressed his body against mine.

“Wet.” I could only mumble against his lips before he bit down on my lower lip, urging me to stop talking. He however did start to shrug the jacket off of his shoulders, getting frustrated when it wouldn’t work. I pushed him away gently, helping him slipping out of the wet coat. it took me about ten seconds but I already missed his touch like an addict craved a line of coke. He let the probably completely overpriced coat fall to the ground and instead of picking it up he was back on my lips in no time. His hands were roaming over my body, pulling me tighter every now and then. His tongue urged me to open up my lips to let him deepen the kiss. I did, not hesitating a second. The sharp whistle of a teapot made us snap apart. His breathing was heavy, just like mine.

He stepped back in silence, letting me pass in an almost awkward silence. Tension lied heavy between the two of us, so thick and noticeable it made me dizzy. He made me dizzy.

“Is Earl Grey fine? No wait, camomile is actually better…or lime blossom…” I coughed, trying my hardest to overcome the husk of my own voice as my fingers traced along the carefully stacked tins filled with the best herbs and mixtures.

“Whisky does the job.” His husk voice caught me off guard since it was way closer than I had expected. “Lime blossom it is then. Fuck off with whisky, do you know what time it is?” he said nothing after that, his eyes silently following my every move as I set up the teapot to pour the boiling water into. There wasn’t another word spoken during the time the lime blossom soaked in, we kind of just stood there, watching the steam from the teapot and each other.

He looked worn out in the dim light of my kitchen. His skin was paler than usual, his hair a tad messier than I was used to (which could theoretically also be my fault though), his eyes less deep and colder.

Now, where he had removed his dripping coat he looked a bit less buff. Still a hunk of a man, still towering me. Especially because I wasn’t wearing heels, which was a thing I usually did, especially around men. Their ego was often big enough to treat me more like a servant and less like a business partner simply because I was a woman and they were taller. It was ridiculous really. Tommy had never treated me like this, I had never feared to be treated like an underdog. Sure, he was sly and witty, he knew how to bargain and twist everything to his profit. But that wasn’t done in a condescend manner at all. Maybe that was why I was drawn to him the way I was. The second he stepped out of his car and walked towards me, proud and seemingly uncaring of all the stares he was receiving from my workers. It had been truly stunned when he stopped, eyes wandering over my stable lad and me, before approaching me. Usually people tended to approach Gregory first, a thing I watched with great amusement. Not so Tommy, he’d approached me from the beginning. And he ended up buying one of my best horses immediately, Yastra, a horse I had never planned to sell in the first place. She wasn’t even named properly for the race tracks. Tommy couldn’t care less. He’d given the proud sand coloured steep a long look before offering his deal. Yastra still lived on my property and I still trained her, just like the two other horses he’d bought later on. Only one, a brown mare by the name of Pacific Princess II stood in his stables.

The strong and sweet taste of the lime blossom made me shake my head and snap out of my thoughts. Tea was ready and if I would leave it too long without serving, it would turn bitter. “Get me a stand from in there.” I turned to reach for the honey when I suddenly felt his presence behind me. I turned around, almost bumping into him. He had his lips on mine before I could even say something, picking off the unsaid words from my lips and swallowing them down. His tongue urged me to open up my lips to let him deepen the kiss. I did, not hesitating a second.

It wasn’t a sweet kiss, not at all. It was more like a violent, unrestrained kiss, a kiss with teeth nipping on swollen lips. He was devouring me, drinking all of my being in with one kiss, and I felt like he was sucking the air straight from my lungs.

Tommy kissed so hard it was like he was trying to leave the memory of the imprints of his lips in my mind forever. And he probably accomplished just that by now.

His hands were roaming over my body, pulling me tighter every now and then. He pushed me back against the countertop, lifting me up to place me down on it immediately.

He let out a throaty groan, splitting my legs with his body to come even closer. He tasted sweet, kissed filthy as ever and set my skin on fire. My mind was blank, all I could I think was Tommy, his hand on my back, the other one trailing shakily from my waist up, over my breast before halting at my collar bone. He brought it up to my neck, deepening the kiss even more, making it just a tad more desperate.

In moments like these it was when I realised once again how I would never ever get over Tommy Shelby, not in this life and probably not in another one. He just swept me off my feet every time. He did it when we had kissed first, needy and thrilling, in the stables a few years ago. It had been the third time we had met, this time for inspecting one of his race horses because of breeding options. Monaghan boy, a black stallion with a beautiful neck. As always, tension had lingered  between the two of us like a thick fog, but he had been the first to give in. He had this thing where he liked to back me up against the wall, preferably dominant and always in charge. It had made my knees weak in an instant and it didn’t help that he had a tongue to sin with. From that day on, our meetings consisted of either heated discussions about horses and life or sex. Or both, most of the time…then he had met Grace and whatever we had, stopped. And it stopped in an ugly way, rather. I could’ve understood if he had come to me and told me that he now considered a serious relationship with someone who was not me. I would’ve let him go, heartbroken but at peace. But he had not had the decency to do so, oh no. he had rather left in a hurry with a few stuttered words about “This can’t happen anymore…I’m sorry.”

And yet here he was, for the second time since he said that and ran. And I was letting it happen again, like the fool I was. We parted swiftly to catch out breaths again before Tommy connected his lips with my neck again. He sucked lightly at my skin and left a trail of burning marks down to my shoulders. I moaned quietly as he bit down on my sweet spot right above my collar bone, and pushed his face up to mine again. Instead of kissing me again, he just looked at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Regretting this already?” I pushed out, almost in spite since he still waited. He quirked an eyebrow, eyes growing dark again. “Why do you always try to piss me off?” good question actually, on the other hand, who the fuck was he to ask anything. “Because you’re hot when you are angry.” He growled lowly, bringing his lips to mine again.

I don’t know what it was that broke the spell and made  a weird form of panic flood my bones. Something in my brain switched when he suddenly picked me up, his hungry lips still on mine. This was a married man with a son and a wife at home. What the hell was I doing here? But before I could say something, Tommy had carried me into the livingroom and placed me on one of the couches. He was over me in an instant, pressing me down gently.

“Tommy…Tommy what are you doing?” I asked breathlessly, panting for air. He stopped, eyes flickering over my face, dark with lust.

“What does it look like.” He was equally out of breath, his voice just a tad throatier than before. I said nothing, just brushed a strand of hair out of his face. A whirlwind of emotions flickered through his eyes, like a thunderstorm of realisation, lust, angst, regret, maybe? It was quiet in the room for quite a while, only the crackling fire and wind hitting the windows could be heard. Then Tommy did something I had not expected at all: he let his head rest on my chest, arms around me, unmoving like a heavy organic blanket. My fingers found their way up to his hair, carefully brushing through the longer curls. I was still a bit taken aback by the sudden switch of attitude and mood.

“What’s troubling you, Tommy?” I asked softly, still stroking through his hair. The raw and vulnerable energy that surrounded us now, almost took my breath away. Tommy just shook his head swiftly. He wasn’t ready to talk about it, or so it seemed.

“Do y’ever wear it?”

I was confused first. Wear what? Then…my hand wandered up to my neck, as if searching for the green emerald. But there was nothing, just hot skin.

“I do.  I took it off for bed.” I explained, almost physically feeling the weight of the precious stone on my collar. “Why did you even send it back?” I asked carefully, that question had lingered in the back of my mind for quite some time now. Tommy sighed deeply. “I took an envelope and…” I snorted quickly, cutting him off. “Stop bullshitting me Tommy. I gave her the necklace. Did she not like it?” He sat up, looking down at my lying frame beneath him. There was almost a sly glint in his blue eyes as his gaze met mine again.

“Someone convinced her that the heart was cursed. Gipsy magic.” I gasped in outrage. “Excuse me? Someone?” Tommy just leaned back, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “Someone.” He confirmed, still that mischievous glint in his eyes. “Fuck off Tommy. She probably hates me now. Good job, this is one way of keeping me away from your parties.” He let out a snort, almost a chuckle.

“That won’t be a problem anymore. You can come whenever you like.” I rose my eyebrows surprised. I felt like we were slowly getting to the reason why he appeared on my doorstep at twelve thirty in the night.

“She’s…well…she’s left.” I sucked in a startled breath. “Left? As in…ran away? Divorced?” Tommy had his face turned away from me, his eyes watching the fire in the fireplace crackle. “Left.” I gulped, not knowing what to say or do. “I am sorry…really sorry.” I only stuttered, watching the flames reflect red in his eyes. They seemed glossier than before…Jesus Christ I really had no idea how to deal with this situation as a whole. Only hesitantly I placed my hand on his arm. It was weird how I now felt so…shy touching him, when only minutes ago we were making out like our lives depended on it.

“Is it because…because of me?” I whispered, scared of his answer. He snapped back to me, eyes then trailing over my hand.

“No…she’s been married before me, you know. Only she told me that her man had killed herself after she left him.” it made sense now to me, her purple dress. A dress symbolizing that one was still mourning…and I had wondered over who, at a wedding after all.

“Turns out that he’s very much alive.” His voice was bitter and heavy of anger and I traced small circles into arm. “We’ve had an argument you know…about horses and who trains them.” My interest peaked up some more. “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of May Carleton…” I nodded swiftly. Of course I did, she was a mutual in every way after all.

“Suppose you had something going on with that one too?” Tommy hesitated a moment before nodding quickly.

“I never loved her. It was just…sex?” he almost asked me that and I chuckled softly. “Who am I to judge Tommy. I don’t know if you had feelings for her. After all, you shouldn’t degrade what the two of you did…are we not the same?” that made him snap around to me. “We? Just sex?” his eyes narrowed and it seemed like a new fire ignited them. I waved it off, drawing another circle in his arm. He shook his head, continuing.

“It stopped when Grace came back from New York.” I hummed before waiting for him to continue. “She trained my horses…” I gave him a pointed look. “I can sense betrayal.” He gave me a pointed look.

“What?” I couldn’t help but grin. “Training your horses by another woman…I am hurt. You coward.” He shook his head slowly. “You don’t know how difficult you are sometimes.” I chuckled softly, giving him a wink.

“You love me.” He said nothing, his face falling a bit. I frowned, wanting to assure him that I was only joking but he cut me off. “Do you have whisky?” I nodded, getting up swiftly and walking over to a cabinet. “What would you like?” I asked, stepping aside for him to see the dusty bottles. He got up and walked closer, eyes wandering over the labels.

My eyes wandered over his face, that worn out but handsome face, a face that haunted me and basically ruined all other men for me. My thoughts flickered to the expression on his face when I made the joke about him loving me. I had meant to read something like guilt in his features, but why? Sure, love was a strong word and I wasn’t entirely sure if I could ever expect love from someone like Tommy Shelby, especially after he just broke up with Grace…no, after she just broke up with him. Or called off the engagement, or whatever.

“That one.” I snapped out of my thoughts and grabbed the bottle he chose. I prepared two glass of the orange brown liquor carrying them over to the couch again.

I sat down whilst Tommy kept pacing around the room, his glass in his hands. I noticed the absence of a ring and it almost felt…relieving. But then again…it didn’t. because I couldn’t help but feel guilty for all I’d done.

“She took the boy with her. To fucking New York.” He suddenly pressed out, necking the whisky in a swift move. My mouth parted in surprise and I could only stutter my words of condolence. “I’m sorry to hear that…” I started, silenced by his angry glare immediately.

“Stop lying.” I rose my eyebrows. “Lying? Why should I lie?” he shrugged, visibly frustrated now. “Can I smoke?” I shrugged, watching him light up a cigarette before turning back to me. “Because that’s what you…I don’t fucking know!” he then started, not even daring to finish his thoughts. And maybe it was that what finally ticked me off.

“You wanted to say, because that’s what I wanted? Is it that? Finish your damn sentences!” his eyes flashed up in irritation, but I went on before he could even reply to anything.

“By the way Tommy, what I want is something that should be entirely unknown by you, since you’re not me! And, just to clarify, before you use that…thing that there was on that party two weeks ago: you kissed me! I only turned up because of…I don’t know, spite, anger, whatnot. But I never intended to do anything like…what we did.” He laughed dryly. “You wanna say, you regret it?” I tilted my head, leaning back a bit. “I never said that.” He hummed, an angry glint in his eyes again. Or rather, still.

“Maybe you shouldn’t’ve turned up then, and sure as hell not given her that damn necklace…” I shook my head.

“I think we both know that this is not about you and not being able to handle her wearing some green, glittery rock.” He took a sharp breath. “By the way, do you even realise how dangerous a rumour like this is for my reputation? That I jinx stuff? Curse chains and…jewellery? There is a legit possibility of my name being ruinedbecause of your little lie.” he said no word, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, grey smoke passing through his lips.

“Are you done?” his voice wasn’t as calm and collected as usually, instead is was heavy with anger and maybe hurt. His icy eyes snapped back to mine, piercing through them as if to strip me off of all of my dignity and leave my soul linger nakedly in front of him.

“Am I done?” I repeated quietly, anger making my voice hoarse. He’d always had a special talent for pissing me off, but this was topping anything. I didn’t even knew what to respond I was so angry. “Yes, are you done. Done, because then I can tell you why the fuck I decided to send that goddamn thing away, back to you.” he took another pull from his smoke before flicking it into the fire. “Can you remember why I gave you this necklace? When I gave it to you?” of course I could, clear as day. It had been a promise, a small, weak promise to care for each other. We had been out, a lovely and peaceful walk with the horses he had just bought, the stars bright and the night cold. He’d been nervous the moment he presented the beautiful stone to me, an almost angsty flicker in his eyes, as if waiting for a rejection.

I had not rejected, obviously, and Tommy had slipped the necklace around my neck whilst pressing butterfly kisses to my neck. But still: the one who ran and broke his own promise had not been me, but him. I crossed my arms over my chest, shaking my head slowly.

“Of course I can. But it still explains nothing.” He grunted angrily. “Not, eh? Maybe that I don’t need a reminder of us around me every day?” I laughed softly, shaking my head. “You mean, you are selfish Tommy? You mean that the fact that you broke your own fucking promise, is making you regret certain decisions from your past? And I am not talking about marrying another woman, I am talking about that hit and run number you pulled there, and then not inviting me to you bloody wedding-celebration…” he slammed his fist down on the chair back, me regret my decision to jump up immediately. But I couldn’t just sit down again, I wouldn’t back off now.

“Do I look like I need a bloody reminder that I fucked up, eh? Do I really look like that to you? And you come and have the fucking nerve to…blame it on my selfishness? My selfishness? When you knew ex-fucking-sactly, what would do to me, if you gave her this necklace?” I was robbed of words to shoot back at him, stumbling back at the force of his words. He followed up, it felt like I was back in his office again.

“You don’t leave my head, my thoughts, my mind, not at night and not at day. You’re there constantly, alright? And I am…was fucking married, alright? I have a bloody kid with that woman, a life, a house, a business. I don’t need a reminder of you on my spouses neck. Fuck!” his eyes were wild and full of emotion, his breath quick and hot and grazing my lips, he was so close.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I pressed out, not exactly knowing what else to say. Tommy just shook his head. “I am sorry. I think I just…” his whole attitude changed all of a sudden, again as if all the anger and hurt left his body and left him behind tired and worn out.

“I think I just missed you.”

I carefully linked my fingers with his before pulling him into a hug. “I missed you too, Tommy. A lot, y’know?” he just buried his face in the crook of my neck and took a deep breath. After a few second he let go of me, stepping back a bit. Not far, and never fully letting go of me. “Let’s go to bed, yeah? You can have the guestroom if you need space…” he just tilted his head. “or you can sleep in my bed. With me present of course.” A shy smile played around his lips as he nodded softly. “I am comfortable if you are.” I just pulled him upstairs.

It felt different when Tommy slipped under the covers now, as if we’d never spent a night in the same bed. Which was close to ridiculous because that wasn’t the case at all. The energy just had never been so honest and so…vulnerable. I could hear him take a deep breath, before I felt his arm wrap around me. I turned around to him, glimpsing up at his face. The dark almost swallowed him whole, but I could make out a soft shimmer where his eyes were and the light from the window illuminated his silhouette.

“Are you okay?” I asked carefully, tangling my leg with his.

“Can I kiss you?” I chuckled softly, arms resting on his shoulders. “Have you not already? Like, when you ruined my nightgown, not that long ago?” I could almost hear his little smirk when he hummed, but I could definitely feel it when he brought his lips down to mine. His arms tightened around me when we parted and he let out a soft sigh.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Tommy.” I whispered, leaning into his arms. He mumbled something, words so quiet I couldn’t quite catch them. I raised my head back up.

“Hm?”

“I just…I said that I’m back home.”

[aryadrotting]

your tags about your landlord sounded like they had a rant buried beneath them, and now I am thirsty for details

First of all I love that you read the tags and I thank you for that it really means something to me

But yes: rant

so the washing machine is on the fritz and hasn’t been working for at least two weeks, which I found out a week ago when my load got kinda ruined bc the water didn’t get out from the centrifuge. (it had already been ruined for a week which two of my flatmates decided not to tell me or the other flatmate so I’m kinda ticked off abt that too)

Naturally I check the manual and go through all the steps to test what’s wrong. It’s not the water pressure, OK cool. Not the drainage - great it has to be the water pump. I go to first drain the thing through the siphon at the bottom (and yes I know this only bc I literally just read the manual). After the thing is drained I go to open the water pump lid to check for something jamming it. It turns out to be impossible to open by my bare hands so I get a pair of pliers - mind you the thing is made of hard plastic so not very sturdy - and get the lid off but break the plastic thing in the process. turns out like half a bra was there - a cup and underwire; the underwire having been pressing against the lid from the back. this has to have gone on for at least a year bc it wasn’t mine and the other flatmate with boobs doesn’t use bras with underwires so it has to be from the previous tenants. NOT MY FAULT in other words. 

but at least, the problem is identified and I order a new lid for the water pump - turns out this is a thing that happens a fair bit so they’re relatively easy to buy privately.

I call the landlord and mail him the reciept bc the washing machine belongs to him and part of our rent goes to such amenities and it’s therefore technically his responsibility (as constituted in the contract - I checked!!!!)

so landord comes in and I explain everything in a concise manner. I say (the problerm is not with the) ‘water pressure’ and he HAS to go check if there’s water pressure by turning on the machine, thus filling it with water. Before he turns it on I literally tell him in clear words that the machine fills with water just fine - the problem is with the water pump. And I got to manually drain like 7 litres of water into a bucket and carry it to the bathroom - for the second time.

After that I literally say to him that there’s nothing wrong with the drainage system but later he returns and pours drainage cleaner chemical thingie down the drain (which stinks like all hell throughout the entire apartment. At the same time he also starts the machine with some vinegar to ‘rinse the machine’ (not the problem... again). so the wash finishes, and I got to manually drain the machine - this time with vinegar water. I go get the hottest water possible from the sink and pour a couple big bottles of water down the drain he decided to ‘clean’ (this pipe is under the stairs and hard to reach so it takes some finangling to even manage to pour but I get there in the end and the apartment stinks less.

I have to call mr landlord again and explain that, no the machine didn’t drain, yes it is empty of water now ‘so it worked?’ no I had to do it manually again. also you stank up the entire apartment for a full day with the cleaner chemical thingie. also the machine now has a bunch of dried vinegar. (at least the drain cleaner chemical smell is gone so that’s a not-minus)

he comes in after an hour and connects the garden hose and drags it in and into the drain pipe (hard to reach) and is going at it full blast ‘didn’t you say that there was something wrong with the drain?’ and I have to keep a straight face as I tell him for like the 20th time that ‘no, I said that there’s something wrong with the water pump in the machine - there is nothing wrong with the external bits AT ALL’

and the broken pump lid is RIGHT THERE! the new piece still hasn’t arrived! so! there was literally no! reason! to test! any of this! without it! 

then he tells me me and the flatmates have to pay if we need to get it serviced (blatantly in breach of the contract)

If he’d only actually listened to the things I told him we’d just be waiting for the new part. Instead he stank up the apartment for a full day and had me spend hours cleaning up the mess. 

it really has been a week for me. the pump lid is arriving in the mail on monday so I’ll have to test it and maybe call customer service then. 

also this is in the middle of final exam season so I’m not really in a calm state of mind and haven’t been able to do laundry in two weeks + the weeks before the load I had got ruined.

[just-my-sickly-pride]

Swansong || Roger Taylor x fem!Reader

summary || sequel to ‘debut’. it’s sixteen years after you and roger first started dating. fourteen years since you graduated university. eight years since you married someone else. three weeks since you realised your husband was cheating on you. what are the chances that you run into roger, after all this time?

rating || family friendly, folks, apart from a few swear words here and there. just angst. pure angst, basically. with a christmassy, festive vibe.

word count || 5.8k (somehow, for fuck’s sake)

author’s notes || so, i’ve had quite a few people ask about a ‘debut’ sequel. surprise! here’s the sequel that i’m sure none of you were after. the idea just popped into my head and, despite the fact that i do not like reading angst (or writing, generally), here i am. also, this is a much older roger than i normally write for (he’s 52 in this), but i still wouldn’t call it pd roger by any means. this video is what i pictured when i was writing him - he was actually 52 years old in 1999, so it works perfectly. roger talks about his kids in this fic, but bc this is an alternate universe, of course, i’ve not used the names of his real kids. (sidenote: there’s an oc in here whose name is naoise - it’s pronounced ‘neesha’!)

masterlist

     “I can’t do this anymore. I have to break up with him right now. I have to.”

    Justine grabs your wrist, snatching your phone from your hand. “No, are you serious? What are you going to do, break up with him over the phone? Text him?”

    Your bottom lip trembles, and you feel tears well in your eyes. “I can’t deal with this anymore, Juss. He hates me.”

    “He doesn’t hate you.” Justine sets your phone down on the table, and cups your cheeks in her hands, brushing the tears away with her thumbs. “Hey. Hey. It’s okay. Deep breath. In and out. With me.”

    You follow her lead – a shaky breath in, a shaky breath out.

    “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” she murmurs. “I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, especially not my best friend. But you have to hold it together until after Christmas, okay? Just two more weeks. For April.”

    You nod, and take another steady breath. “For April.” April, your daughter, the love of your life.

    “Let’s just go to this stupid party, all right?” Justine said. “Go fix your make-up, I’ll call an Uber.”

    You nod, she gives you a warm, sad smile, and you head to the bathroom.

    You take a drink of water and sigh heavily, then dig out your make-up to fix your foundation and mascara. Fuck him, you think to yourself. Fuck him for ruining everything. Eight years of marriage. Hope that side piece was worth it.

    You’re not sure if he knows that you know about… all of that. But you have your suspicions. He’s not exactly trying to hide it. Coming home late, smelling of another woman’s perfume, having no other excuse other than he’s ‘working late’. He’s been telling you for weeks that he’s just been ‘too tired’ for sex.

    But he’s with April tonight, while you and Justine are heading to the Christmas party of an old friend from uni.

    You tell yourself it’ll be a fun night. It’ll be nice to get away from home for a few hours, anyway.

    The host, Naoise, welcomes the both of you with a glamorous smile and kisses on the cheek, and waves you over with a manicured hand to the drinks table. You recognise a few familiar faces in the room, but you and Justine stick mostly together. Christmas music – mostly Michael Bublé, from what you can hear – croons in the background, just underneath the hum of conversation.

    “She was always good at throwing these things, wasn’t she?” Justine murmurs into her glass of champagne.

    You nod and hum in agreement, trying to surreptitiously cram an appetiser into your mouth and eat it as quickly as possible. “Nice of her to invite us,” you manage to mumble around the mouthful.

    “Yeah,” Justine says. “Naoise was always lovely.”

    “Have you met her kids?”

    “Yeah. She had them young, didn’t she? Right out of uni? They’re, what, ten and twelve now?”

    You finally swallow the food. “Christ.” You pick up your wine and take a gulp to wash it down. “Uh, yeah, I think so. She and Chin got married, like, a month after we graduated or something. Can you imagine April being that old?”

    Justine snorts. “I thought I had my kids young. But she seems happy, so I’m happy for her.”

    “Mm, yeah.” You take another sip of wine. “Wow. Getting married at, like, twenty-one, twenty-two. Oof.”

    “Right?” Justine says lowly. “Like, I would’ve been terrified. I was dating Amanda.”

    Your eyes widen. “Holy shit, Amanda. I forgot all about her.”

    “I know! I can’t believe we dated for almost three years. Even I forget about her sometimes. Can’t imagine being married to her. Eugh. Plus, if Amanda hadn’t dumped me six months after graduation, then I never would’ve met Jules. I wouldn’t have the kids I have now.”

    “Weird.”

    “Yeah. Weird.” Justine’s eyes idly meander over the mingling crowd, and then she looks to you. “Out of everyone you dated at uni, who would you have married? If you had to choose.”

    You sigh. “Juss, I don’t know if I wanna talk about marriage and stuff right now. Not marriage when it’s got anything to do with me, anyway.”

    “Right, of course. Sorry.”

    “It’s fine.” You give her a reassuring smile.

    The two of you drink in silence. You know you should be mingling with everyone else, making small talk, but it’s been a rough couple of weeks, to put it lightly. And everyone will be asking how’s Will? and all of those casual questions and you’ll feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable and bitter that everyone is prying into your personal life, even if they aren’t, they’re just being polite, and that’s just too much to think about.

    So staying by the snacks table it is.

    “Roger,” you say softly.

    “Hm?”

    You chew on the inside of your cheek, and glance at Justine. “I, um– I would’ve married Roger. You remember him? Second year? The older guy?”

    Justine gives you a look. “Uh, do I remember him? The guy who was, like, twenty years older than you and you lost your virginity to? He paid you for it? Yes, I remember him.”

    “Sixteen years, thanks,” you correct her. “And he didn’t mean to pay me for it, it was a mix-up, his friends set him up, and– oh, whatever, you know the story, I don’t know why I’m telling you again.”

    “I’m just saying, hard to forget something like that,” Justine says. “You would’ve married him?”

    You nod. “Given time, yeah, I think so. There was just something about him, y’know? I mean, it makes sense why we didn’t work out. He was older, and I had uni, and I’d never really dated before, all of that. I think it was just a matter of wrong place, wrong time. But he’s – well, everyone has their ‘one that got away’, don’t they?”

    “I guess,” Justine says. She thinks for a moment, and then says, “I used to think mine was the girl I dated all through high school, Kayla. Then I met Jules.”

    “Really?” you say. “You don’t have anyone who you think would have been your perfect match, had things just been a little different?”

    Justine shrugs a shoulder. “Maybe at the time. But not now.”

    You look away, and finish the rest of your wine. “I’m getting another glass,” you mutter.

    “Hey, hey, [Y/N],” Justine says, taking your wrist. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

    You shake your head. “It’s not your fault.” You hesitate, and then say, “Am I a bad wife for– for thinking that? Even after Will and I got married, I– I mean, I never wished I had Roger instead of Will, but I just always knew that, if things had been different, then I know I would’ve ended up with Roger.”

    “No,” Justine says firmly. “No. You were never a bad wife. You’re still not. Don’t ever think that.”

    You take a moment to drink this in, and then say, “You know, I’m the same age now that Roger was when I first started dating him?” You let out a laugh. “Oh my God, I’m thirty-six. When the fuck did that happen?”

    Justine chuckles. “I know. I still feel twenty.”

    “I still feel seventeen, sometimes.”

    “I don’t think that ever changes.”

    “No, maybe not.” You twirl the empty wine glass in your fingers. “I was head-over-heels for that guy.”

    “For Roger?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Yeah, I could tell,” Justine says with a grin. “I always thought it was just because the sex was really good. And he had the money to buy you nice stuff.”

    “All of that helped,” you say lightly, and Justine laughs. “But he was just such a good guy as well. He was such a good listener, and he was so thoughtful and patient and understanding, and, I don’t know if you remember, but he used to do this thing where he’d invite me over if I’d had a hard day at uni, and when I arrived, he’d have a bubble bath all ready for me, and some snacks, and he just…” You trail away. No point in getting too caught up in the memories.

    “I always liked him,” Justine says. “After I got over the age gap. For what it’s worth, I think he really liked you, too.”

    You nod. “Yeah, I think he did.” You sigh. “Well. No use thinking it over, is there? Doubt I’ll ever see him again.”

    Justine freezes, her eyes like dinner plates.

    “Juss?” you say. “What, what is it?”

    “No fucking way,” she murmurs. Her eyes flick to yours, and she grabs your wrist again, her grip tight. “You’re not going to believe this. I cannot believe this is happening. Turn around.”

    “What?” You turn around, and your jaw drops to the floor.

    Talk about speak of the Devil.

    He’s older, definitely. How old would he be now? Fifty-two.

    You wouldn’t have picked it. You would’ve guessed maybe mid-forties. But he always did have a bit of a younger face.

    “Am I dreaming?” you say. “Am I actually dreaming?”

    “What are the goddamn chances,” Justine says incredulously.

    You watch as Roger greets Naoise, and then her husband Chin. By the way Chin beams, you guess Roger was his invite.

    “Go say hello,” Justine hisses, nudging you.

    You whirl around to look at her. “Are you out of your mind?” you hiss back. “I haven’t seen him for, like, sixteen years!”

    “Then you’ll have so much to catch up on.”

    “He wouldn’t even remember me. We only dated for less than a year.”

    “Don’t be like that. You’re as hard to forget as he is. I’m sure he’ll remember forking over three months’ wages to sleep with y–”

    “Jesus Christ, Justine, can you give it a rest already?”

    Justine tries to smother a smile. “Sorry.”

    You shake your head. “No, it’s too weird. Especially in light of everything, and this whole conversation, it’s… No. Maybe later, but not now.”

    “Maybe it’s fate, or something.”

    “Don’t,” you say, your voice hard. “I’m gonna get another drink.”

    You leave Justine at the snack table.

    You’re just deciding whether to stick to wine or to switch to champagne when a shocking familiar voice says behind you, “Good God, [Y/N]?”

    Hearing him say your name again really is like something out of a dream – like a memory come to life. You turn to him, and, inexplicably, feel a blush heat your cheeks. You have no idea what to say, so you just say, “Roger?” as if you hadn’t already known he was here.

    Up close, you can tell more easily that he’s aged. But he still smells good – different, but good – and he’s dressed nicely.

    Still not wearing glasses, though. He never did. You used to pester him all the time about it when you dated.

    There’s a moment of awkwardness, but both of you go in for a brief hug. It’s weird. You shouldn’t have gone for the hug.

    “My God, it’s been how long?” Roger says with a laugh. “Fifteen years or something?”

    “Something like that, yeah,” you say.

    “You look great.”

    “Thanks. So do you.” 

    “Oh, don’t,” Roger says, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m actually old now, I know.”

    “No, you do,” you insist. “Look good, I mean. Genuinely.”

    His outfit is simple, black-and-white, which almost surprises you. He used to dress a little more eclectically; there was always something patterned or brightly coloured in just about every outfit he wore, especially to parties. Maybe it’s something he’s outgrown. The thought makes you quietly sad.

    He does have a little reindeer pin on his lapel, though. It looks handmade, like something he would have bought at a market, made out of mini pom-poms and tufts of tinsel. So maybe he hasn’t outgrown that part of him entirely.

    He seems a little flustered by your compliment, and, yep, that’s the Roger you remember. “Well, er, thank you. And I meant it too, of course.”

    “Thank you.” An unmistakably awkward moment passes, and you blurt out, “You– How are you? What brings you here?”

    “Funny story, actually.” Roger ducks forward and grabs a glass of red, and you take the opportunity to take some champagne. “I, uh, decided I hated dentistry, so I went back to uni and studied biology instead. Wanted to become a professor, but I was already thirty-seven when I started, and I would’ve had to retire by the time I got my PhD. I’m a teacher these days, high school teacher. Chin just started working with me earlier this year, and we hit it off, I suppose.”

    You blink in surprise. “A biology teacher?”

    Roger chuckles. “Yes, I know. My friends were all shocked and appalled when I told them. The salary’s miserable in comparison, but I don’t hate my life when I wake up in the mornings, so I see that as a positive.”

    You hesitate, unsure whether to ask, but go for it anyway. “Did you always hate being a dentist? I don’t…” Is this too far? Is this out of line? “I mean, well, I don’t remember you hating it that much.”

    Roger drinks this in, and then nods to himself. “Right, yeah,” he says, sounding almost surprised. “I, um, never really told you, actually. I didn’t want to, uh, force you to listen to me whine about a job I hated while you were studying and all of that.”

    “Oh,” you say. You look at your champagne. You should’ve stuck to wine.“Well, for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have minded. At all. As I remember, I used to whine about university all the time.”

    “University’s for whining,” Roger says with a shrug. “I’d done my fair share of that already, all through dentistry school. And I got to do it again, as it turned out.”

    “Is there, ah, anything else you didn’t tell me while we were dating?” you joke half-heartedly.

    Roger’s eyebrows raise. “Oh, I–”

    “No, sorry, I was kidding,” you jump in. “Obviously, I don’t expect you to…” You inwardly curse yourself, and pour some champagne down your throat.

    Roger opens his mouth, as if to say something, and, in the back of your mind, you recognise that look, but you can’t quite place what it is.

    Then someone calls Roger’s name, and the look is gone, and Roger politely excuses himself from the conversation to be swept up in another.

    You bolt back to the snack table, as subtly as you can, but Justine is nowhere to be found. You quietly vow to throttle her next time you see her for disappearing on you, and shovel one more appetiser into your mouth, washing it down with champagne, then turn to face the crowd you’ve been immaturely avoiding all night.

    It feels like an hour, but must be no more than twenty, maybe twenty-five minutes, before you find a reasonable excuse to slip away again. You’re not having a bad time, per se, and you’re enjoying getting to catch up with old acquaintances, but it’s damn exhausting. You still haven’t seen Justine.

    You wish it wasn’t so freezing outside. You could do with some fresh air.

    Maybe another drink will help keep you warm. Even though you know you shouldn’t. You’re already tipsy.

    You take another flute of champagne and slip outside onto the balcony. The automatic light switches on.

    Your fingers and toes immediately feel like they’re about to fall off. “Eugh, this was a mistake,” you mutter to yourself, and bob up and down on the spot. The balcony is dotted with snow, but it’s hardly been the coldest winter you’ve ever lived through. It’s not snowing right now, at least. And it is nice to have some time to yourself.

    The back door slides open, and you turn to see who’s joining you, hoping it’s Justine.

    It’s Roger. He gives you a smile – a little nervous, a little shy, almost – and holds out your jacket. “You looked cold.”

    The first thing that comes out of your mouth is: “How’d you know it was mine?”

    “I asked Naoise. Here, let me hold your drink.”

    You pass him your champagne, and slip on your jacket, then take the flute back. “Thanks.”

    “No worries.” Roger moves closer to you, standing beside you, and squints up at the dark sky. “Not much snow this winter.”

    You follow his gaze. The moon is half-full. “No,” you agree.

    The sounds of the party are muffled behind you. Beyond the balcony, you can see through the bright yellow windows of Naoise’s neighbours – the silhouettes of family dinners, of other parties, the white light of TVs.

    “Sorry,” Roger says, breaking the silence. “You probably came out here to have some alone time. I shouldn’t have intruded. I can go back inside.”

    “No, it’s all right,” you say. This is nice, you want to add. But you don’t know if that’s appropriate, and you can’t think of anything to say instead, so you just leave the sentiment hanging in the icy air.

    “I realised I never asked what you’re doing with yourself these days,” Roger says.

    “Ah, just working,” you reply. “I’m a market research analyst.”

    “Oh, right. How long have you been doing that for?”

    “Since I finished uni, really. Well, I worked my way up. Started as an intern in web content writing, realised I preferred data analysis, so I wormed my way into market research. But I’ve been an analyst for almost ten years now.”

    Roger ponders this. “Do you enjoy it?”

     “Yeah,” you say with a nod. “I know it sounds boring. Most people think I’m mad for not only wanting to do my job, but actually enjoying it, but I do.”

    Roger smiles, and it’s a fond smile, a smile that you used to see all the time, and you feel a stab in your chest. A voice in the back of your mind whispers, Do you remember what it feels like to be loved like that? When was the last time Will smiled at you like that? When was the last time he smiled at you at all?

    You push that voice aside. You’re just lonely, and hurt, and sad. You’re reading far too much into a simple smile.

    “I think it’s great that you love it,” Roger says. “How lucky you found something you enjoy doing so early in your career.”

    You’re taken a little off-guard, and you duck your head to hide your smile. “Yeah, I guess I am lucky.”

    You take a sip of champagne.

    “Speaking of lucky – who’s the lucky man?”

    You try not to cringe. “Oh. Uh.” You glance down at the wedding ring that caught Roger’s eye. “Yes. Um, his name is Will. We met at a work do, actually. Been married eight years.”

    “He couldn’t make it tonight?”

    “No.” You don’t elaborate.

    Roger says nothing to that, and you wonder if he’s picked up on the bitterness in your tone, as much as you tried to hide it.

    “Right,” Roger says eventually. He clears his throat. “Any kids?”

    “Yes,” you say, and there’s no pretending now – the love in your voice is real. “April. She’s three.”

    “April,” Roger muses. “Lovely name.”

    “Thank you.” You grin at him. “Actually, this is going to sound so strange, but I always thought to myself that I wanted to be as good of a parent to my kids as you were to yours.”

    Roger blinks at you – his eyes are still big and blue, but you doubted even God himself could change that – and, if you’re not mistaken, you can see his face start to colour in the beam of the balcony light. “Oh,” he says. “That’s… one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.”

    You chuckle. “Well, it’s true. You were such an amazing dad. I’m sure you still are.”

    “I try to be.”

    “How old are they now? Gosh, they’d all be finished high school now, wouldn’t they?”

    “Yeah,” Roger says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Yes, um, my youngest, Sam, she graduated last year. She’s taking a year off this year, working and travelling. Daphne’s the oldest, if you remember, and she’s moving in with her girlfriend soon. She still lives at her mum’s, but her and Asha have been looking for a place for a few months now. She’s an industrial designer. Then there’s Fox, he’s a musician, he’s a bassist, and Sophie’s still at uni, she’s studying theatre, and she wants to do a master’s in artistic directing.”

    “Wow,” you say. You never got to know his kids personally too well – you met them a handful of times, but you were far too nervous to spend too much time with them back in the day. The last time you saw them, Daphne hadn’t even started high school. Sam was still learning to talk. “Wow, that’s– they’re so grown-up now.”

    “God, you don’t have to tell me,” Roger says with a chuckle.

    You shake your head, sighing, and drink some more champagne. “Do you have a lucky lady, then?”

    Roger’s face tightens, and he looks down at his left hand, splaying his fingers, but you don’t see a ring. He tucks his hand into his pocket. “I’ve been seeing someone for two months now, almost three,” he says. “Jean. I teach one of her kids. She’s lovely.”

    “Jean,” you repeat. “She couldn’t make it tonight?”

    Roger shakes his head. “No. She’s a nurse, so she often works nights.” He pauses, and then says quickly, “She’s fifty.”

    You can’t help but laugh. “Right.”

    “I didn’t want you to think that I always go for younger women,” Roger explains hastily. “You were an outlier. A wonderful outlier, but an outlier nonetheless.”

    “‘A wonderful outlier’,” you muse, a touch playfully. “Could be the name of my memoir.”

    “It could very well be,” Roger says.

    Something doesn’t sit quite right. It seems impossible that someone wouldn’t have married Roger in sixteen years. Surely he’s not just been dating on and off that whole time. Not a guy like him.

    Don’t pry, you tell yourself. Don’t pry, don’t pry, don’t pry– “I don’t mean to pry,” you say, and hate yourself for it, “but – did you ever get remarried, or…?”

    Roger looks a little taken aback.

    “Sorry,” you say. “That’s so rude, I’m sorry.”

    “What gave it away?” Roger says.

    You bite your lip. “You, um, looked at your left hand. No ring.”

    Roger nods. “Hm. Well. Got it in one.” He shoots you a wry smile, but you can see that he’s uncomfortable. “You seem to keep appearing in my life after I’ve gone through a divorce.”

    “I’m so sorry,” you say. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

    “It’s all right,” Roger says. “It was a year ago now, just about.”

    “Were you married long?”

    “Twelve years.”

    “Christ, Roger, I’m sorry.”

    Roger just shrugs, and sniffs, staring out at the apartments and houses beyond the balcony. But you can see the tension in his shoulders.

    “I’m divorcing my husband,” you blurt out.

    Roger looks to you. “I thought so,” he says carefully. “I could see it in your face when I asked about him.”

    You chew on the inside of your cheek. “Yeah.”

    “I’m sorry.”

    You shake your head. “Don’t be. He deserves it.”

    Roger grimaces. “Oh.”

    “He’s been cheating. But I want to wait until after Christmas to– to do all of that. To tell him I’m leaving him, the lawyers, the paperwork. So April doesn’t have to go through it during Christmas. I don’t want to ruin it for her.”

    Roger nods in understanding. He looks for a moment like he wants to reach out and touch you, comfort you, maybe, but he doesn’t. He just nods again and says, “You’re a good mum.”

    Your throat tightens, and you have to look away. You don’t dare to try to thank him for the compliment. The last thing you need is to break down at a Christmas party in front of your ex.

    “I’m sorry,” Roger says.

    You manage a forced laugh, turning to him. “For what?”

    “I don’t know,” he says. “I just… felt like I needed to say it.”

    You drink him in. The moment feels familiar somehow, and simultaneously foreign altogether.

    You sniff, but, luckily, no tears have fallen, and you take a breath to compose yourself.

    “Can I get you another drink?” Roger offers, holding out his hand to take your empty flute.

    “No, I shouldn’t,” you say. “I’ve had more than enough.” You chuckle. “I don’t remember ever saying that when we dated.”

    You expect Roger to laugh along with you, but instead he blinks in shock at you. “Oh, er, I– I also never– I’m glad you…”

    “You’re glad what, I enjoyed getting shitfaced?” you tease, not quite understanding his confusion.

    His eyes go wide. “Oh, drinking. Yes, well, everyone’s like that at uni a bit, aren’t they?” He chuckles uncomfortably, and then rushes out, “Just getting a drink,” and disappears inside.

    You frown to yourself. ‘Oh, drinking’? What else could you have possibly meant?

    Unless Roger thought you were referring to–

    Surely not.

    Referring to the sex?

    Your stomach drops to your feet. “Oh, God,” you groan softly, hiding your face behind your hand. You hope Roger doesn’t think you’re flirting with him.

    That’d be a story to tell the kids, wouldn’t it? Or to tell Jean. Hey, love, guess what happened last night? Ran into an ex, I dated her almost twenty years ago for a couple months, and we weren’t even chatting for more than half an hour before she was cracking onto me. Even though she’s married. Turns out I still got it!

    A shiver rocks through you, and you realise you can’t feel your fingers, but you’re loathe to head back inside. It’s nice out here, in the snow and ice, in a stiff, numb sort of way.

    Roger reappears not long after, wine in hand. “Thought you’d have headed back inside by now.”

    “I probably should,” you say, and cross your arms to warm up your hands. “But no, I don’t think I will.”

     “Do you mind if I stay out here with you?”

     You smile. “Not at all.”

     You don’t know for how long the two of you stand out there. With each passing minute, more of the awkwardness and discomfort slips away. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but soon the two of you are chatting away like no time has passed at all, laughing and bickering.

     He tells you more about the kids, and you tell him about April. He tells you about his second ex-wife – a title that he despises, and, for a while, you let him bemoan the notion that maybe he’s just a terrible husband  before you tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself.

    Mostly, you both reminisce about the past. About the good times and the bad.

    “It was mostly good, though,” you say. “I like to think it was mostly good.”

    Roger nods thoughtfully. “I think it was, yeah,” he says.

    “I can’t even remember how we broke up.”

    Roger snorts. “Are you joking?”

    You shake your head, shrugging. “No. I remember going through the break-up period, which took me far longer to get over than I’m willing to admit to you.”

    Roger grins. “Oh, yeah?” he teases.

    “No, don’t,” you warn him with a laugh. “You’re not getting an ego boost from me.”

    “Did you cry every night? Have a photo of me under your pillow? Eat lots of ice cream and watch rom-coms?”

    “Shut up, I’m not saying a word.”

    Roger laughs, and the sound of it makes your heart sing. “You’re not saying no.”

    You roll your eyes. “I was in a lot of pain for a long time,” you say. “There, are you happy?”

    Roger’s smile fades, and he looks down at his feet. “No, of course that doesn’t make me happy,” he says. He looks back to you. “For what it’s worth, I probably took even longer to get over you.”

    You study his face. It’s a little more weathered, a little more lined, but it’s a face you missed for a very long time. “What happened?” you ask, so softly it’s almost a whisper, like you wouldn’t dare to speak the question any louder. “I… I really liked you, Rog. A lot. Loved you, even, although I– I didn’t know what love felt like at the time. Where did we go wrong?”

    Roger swallows, and shakes his head minutely, his eyes drinking in yours. “I don’t know,” he murmurs. “Wrong place, wrong time. But I…” He cuts himself off, and takes a deep breath, looking away.

    “But what?”

    “Nothing.” Roger gives you a small smile. “I’ve never met Will, but he sounds like the stupidest man alive to hurt you like that.”

    You snort a laugh. “Well. I’m sure he doesn’t think so.”

    “It’ll be too late by the time he figures it out. Stupid men are like that.”

    You don’t know what to say to that, so you don’t say anything at all. All you can think is that Roger really hasn’t changed much at all, and that Jean is a very fortunate woman.

    Your phone buzzes, and you pull it out of your pocket to check it. “Ah, shit,” you mutter. It’s Will. April’s come down with a fever, the text says. Need you home.

    “Is everything all right?” Roger asks.

    You pocket your phone again. “April’s sick,” you say. “Duty calls.”

    “Right, of course. Let me walk you inside.”

    He opens the sliding door for you, and waves you in. “Age and beauty,” he says, and it catches you unaware, makes you laugh.

    “I forgot you say that,” you say. It’s a play on age before beauty – Roger used to say that you bested in him both age and beauty, so the original phrase didn’t fit, and he insisted on saying his version of it every time he opened a door for you. Which was often. He liked that his silly little phrase made you giggle and give him a gentle slap on the arm.

    “I haven’t said it in a long time, actually,” Roger says with a grin, closing the door behind him, trapping you both in the warmth, along with the music and conversation. “Not since you.”

    You both stand there for a moment, grinning at each other, unsure how to proceed, and you feel a familiar squeeze of your heart. “I need to go,” you say, almost apologetically.

    “Yes,” Roger says.

    “I…” You hesitate. “Wait for me at the door, I just want to make the rounds, say quick goodbyes to everyone.”

    “Sure,” Roger says, and you give his arm a quick squeeze, then track down Naoise and Chin to say your thank-yous and farewells, then Justine, then a couple of other people.

    You grab your purse, and meet Roger at the front door. “I had a really nice time tonight,” you tell him. “Thank you.”

    “I was just about to say the same thing,” he says.

    You’re unsure what to say, but then an idea strikes you. “Do you want my number? It’d be nice to keep in touch.”

    “Oh, yes, of course,” Roger says. “That’d be lovely.”

    He hands over his phone, and you save your number. “Give me a call whenever,” he says, as you hand his phone back. “If you need someone to talk to, y’know. Or just for a chat. Divorces are… really not fun.”

    You chuckle wryly. “Well, I suppose you’re the expert, aren’t you?”

    “God, you’re just as rude as I remember,” Roger says with a roll of his eyes, laughing alongside you.

    He stops in his tracks, his gaze towards the ceiling.

    You tilt your head up. A decorative sprig of mistletoe hangs above the door.

    You and Roger look at each other, your faces both pink.

    Your heart clenches. Yes, Jean is a very fortunate woman indeed. “Funny,” you say with a nervous chuckle.

    “Yeah, weird,” Roger says. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen mistletoe in real life before.”

    “Me, either.”

     Another moment passes. “In another lifetime,” you say with a smile.

    Roger takes a breath, and there’s something in his eyes, something you haven’t seen for a long time, and he nods, smiling back. “Yeah,” he says. “Right time, right place.”

    You nod again, drinking this in, and sigh. “Okay, well, I really do need to go. I’m sure Will is on the verge of panic without me there.”

    “Of course,” Roger says. “I hope April’s all right.”

    “Thanks, Rog.” On a spur of the moment, you give him a peck on the cheek, and then let yourself out. “Merry Christmas.”

    “Merry Christmas,” he says. “I might see you soon?”

    “You will,” you say. Your ride is almost here, so you give one final wave, and head to the lift.

    The door closes.

    You take the lift down and climb into the car.

    You go home, say hello to your husband, and take care of your daughter.

    That night, you sit in the dining room, nursing a hot chocolate, listening to the silence of the house.

    Then, and only then, do you allow yourself to cry.

     Your wallowing was short-lived, though - swiftly interrupted by a phone call from an unknown number.

     You wipe your nose on your sleeve, grimacing, and answer. “Hello?”

    “[Y/N]?”

     You’re gobsmacked. “Roger?”

     “I- I wasn’t expecting you to answer. I was just... going to leave a voice message to say this was my number.”

     You let out a pitiful bubble of laughter. “Why didn’t you just text?”

     There’s a pause, and then an embarrassed, “Oh, yes. I could’ve done that.”

     You sniff. “It’s fine, no harm done. I’ll let you get to bed, it’s late.”

    “Right,” Roger says. “Um, how’s- how’s April?”

    “She’s good, yeah, thanks for asking. Gave her some painkillers and she went right to sleep.”

    “Good, that’s good.”

    “Yes.” You sniff again, wetly, and quickly wipe at your nose a second time. “Ah, well, I, um... should probably...”

    “Go, yes,” Roger says. “Sorry. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

    “No, no, not at all,” you reassure him. “I was just, um, having a hot chocolate.”

    “Right, sounds important.”

     You laugh. “It’s very important.”

    “I’m sure it is. I’ll let you get back to it, then.”

    “I appreciate it.”

     You realise you’re smiling to yourself like a loon. “Thanks for calling,” you say.

     Roger chuckles. “No worries at all. And, um, seriously. If you need someone to talk to, at any time, please just call me. I couldn’t bear the thought of you, I don’t know, sitting alone and crying, or something like that.”

     You almost laugh out loud. “Thank you, Rog. I’ll make sure to save your number.”

    “Please do, so I don’t have to call you in the middle of the night again.”

     You smile. “G’night.”

    “Night, [Y/N].”

     You hang up.

     Your hot chocolate tastes a little sweeter than it did before.