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fatboyschl1mm · 9 months

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This is the last time I have to get up super early this year

#I really hope I get better sleep soon #I've had trouble sleeping since my Corona infection

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sevensoulmates · 6 months

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7x05 Eddie Spec (Claw arm call)

A lot of people have been talking about the promo and Buck's date (rightly, because !!!) but I haven't seen anyone talking about the rest of the promo with the dude with the claw hand being a speaker at a convention talking about "the secret to self-control" with the sign "I'm the boss of me" behind him, while his hand seemingly takes on a life on its own and tries to hurt him.

Given how we know this episode is gonna have a huge Eddie plot and will likely be Eddie-centric if not feature him heavily, and calls are usually supposed to reflect whatever is going on in the character's personal lives, I can't help but feel like this "self-control" convention is pretty interesting to see in relation to an episode where Eddie's going to be struggling with his relationship with Marisol (and maybe his sexuality subtextually).

Eddie and "self-control" have already had a tumultuous relationship over the course of the whole time he's been on the show. A lot of Eddie's personality is very restrictive, not allowing himself certain things either because he doesn't think he deserves it, or because he would rather sacrifice his own wants and needs in order to prioritize someone else's (usually Christopher's). Eddie's irrational need to always be in control of himself (hence why he was so in denial about his panic attacks) has caused him many many issues over the years, and while he's definitely started unpacking a lot of it, especially in regards to his military service and his relationship with his dad, he hasn't really done so in regards to his relationships, and I think that's on purpose.

"Self-control" is also "self-denial" which is also in the same vein as "repression" and I just can't help but feel like this call will likely mirror Eddie, in that the "hand that suddenly has a life of its own" and is now coming back to hurt the man, is a reflection of something within Eddie that he's tried desperately to control before, but will now take on a life of its own. When you deny yourself something, it's usually denying a desire of some kind. And I think that it's time that Eddie's desires that he's been so desperately trying to keep under lock and key for years will finally take on a life of their own, and the more Eddie desperately tries to wrangle it back inside, to shut it up, to stifle it, to deny it, the harder it will fight back and the worse it will hurt him in the process.

My prediction for that call is the second that man finally stops trying to control his arm will be the second he's free of whatever is "possessing" it. Because in actuality, the arm isn't being possessed, it doesn't have a life of its own (it may or may not be something medical idk but my guess is still that it's likely something psychological). The man's arm is a part of him. Just like Eddie's sexuality is a part of him. And Eddie can only find harmony in himself, and stop hurting himself by making choices he knows he doesn't actually want, when he stops trying to control the Unspoken thing inside him and lets himself be free.

I'm not saying Eddie's going to be having any big revelations in this episode, or that it's going to be resolved right away but this call will likely be a strong hint at where Eddie's story is going to go, and 7x05 will be just the start of it.

#911 abc #eddie diaz #911 speculation #7x05 speculation #my hope is this episode marks the start of eddie's arc of releasing all the expectations he and others put on himself #and starting to choose himself and being HONEST with himself #but my bet is it's probably going to get worse before it gets better #7x05 will likely be the episode in which things get worse #but hopefully soon after things will start to look up for him #there's a song I really love that reminds me of buck and eddie #called Do You Wish That You Loved Me by Sleep Token #and the song is about a person singing to themselves in the mirror #wishing they could love themselves #that's eddie in 7x05 #eddie is saying to himself You Don't Know Me #but he will know himself in the future #and he'll find that he's a man who has always been worth loving

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ecogirl2759 · 11 months

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Every now and again I have the overwhelming urge to archive Taka lore, and, honestly? Might do that before the end of the year.

Like, idk how many people know of the comics and stuff, but there's so much going on with this one character who canonically has no backstory. He's the ONLY ONE without a backstory and it INFURIATES MEEEEEEE

And ik I've said this before, but I'll say it again: TAKA'S ALSO THE ONLY CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRETY OF DANGANRONPA AS A FRANCHISE TO HAVE AN OFFICIAL MASTERMIND OUTFIT WITHOUT EVER BEING THE MASTERMIND!!!!

(At least to my knowledge. No other character has had a MM! outfit published in an official source directly tied to Spike that I've been able to find.)

(First two pictures are definitely official (4KOMA KINGS Vol.4), the second two I can't find a source for)

I'm pretty sure everyone already knows most of this stuff, but I just want to remind people just how much about this character we either don't know or we wish would have happened to him. And also he's my favorite so there's that :)

(And, yes, MM! Taka does have two-toned boots as well lol)

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tagerrkix · 1 year

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GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#IT'S 3AM #HELP #I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING ANYMORE #BUT IM TRYING #TRYING TO GET HIS FACE TO LOOK RIGHT #BC I WAS DOING LIKE A REALLY COOL ART OF HIM AND THEN FUCKED UP THE FACE COMPLETELY SO I WAS LIKE ALRIGHT ITS PRACTICE TIME #SO HERE I AM #THIS WILL PROBABLY LOOK BETTER IN THE MORNING #(AT LEAST I HOPE SO)#NOT SAYING ITS UGLY JUST NOT SURE IF IT LOOKS R I G H T #DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN #DO I EVEN KNOW WHAT I MEAN #??????????????#ALRIGHT TIME TO SLEEP #WHY DOES HE LOOK SO DIFFERENT EVERY TIME IM TRYING TO DRAW HIM LIKE YOU SEE WHO IT IS BUT SOMETHINGS OFF EVERY TIMEEE?????#ALRIGHT GOODNIGHT BECAUSE IF I SIT HERE ANY LONGER ITS GONNA BE GOOD MORNING SOON #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3

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running-in-the-dark · 2 months

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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.

it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).

I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭

#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything #but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while #I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual #so yeah no this is too much #I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive #we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme #but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really #she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all #she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took #this long for her parents to accept that #she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help #so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her #I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol #couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more #and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work #don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that #they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to #be better #:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal

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mothram · 4 months

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#diana's music diary #🌕#Very very tired today... I managed to sleep maybe 4 hours last night and then I had a 2 hour nap today...#You'd think only getting one hour yesterday would mean I could get a little more than that but.....#My brain really hasn't been working the last couple of days...#I hope that gets better but I'm getting the feeling something is seriously wrong with me... Trying not to panic about it though..#Still waiting to get my blood tested but they're making me do it next month even though I feel like I'm dying now nn;#Hopefully tomorrow I can at least get something to help me sleep more...#Not got any plans for today other than to try and rest... And to try not to freak out too much about all the health issues...#Anyway..... This song has been my latest obsession hehe.. Had it on repeat since it came out #I rewatched Madoka Magica with some friends the other day too... It was their first time seeing it which was fun hehe..#Might have a nap soon if I can... I doubt it but we'll see nn;#Let's try and survive today...

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theood · 3 months

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Sometimes I hope moving will magically make my relationship with my parents better and then I feel guilty because everyone thought I had such cool parents so I must be making up everything that made my childhood suck and I did have good childhood memories it wasn't always like this so really truly it must be me faking for attention

#and then j think how for ages I thought the only way to be my true self was going no contact but i couldn't even imagine getting a job bc it #was a struggle to make kt through the day #and its not gotten any better.#lots of people hoard food in their rooms for snacks n such. its different when i do it to avoid going out bc going out makes me wsnt to do #unspeakable things because it feels like nobody really wants me in the house #im gonna be so fucked if i csn even get a job bc if my current eating habits and sleep schedule lol #sometimes wish i could go back to being younger where i didnt know my hunger cues as much #i could probably make kt through the day without eating almost anything if i did what i know but i also knoe thats bad lol #but like i need control of something bc i dont have any control or say otherwise #i just hope i can get out soon

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cosmic-ships · 8 months

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#a post thats in the tags so I don't take up space. Sorry for not being as active the last few days. got another thing piled onto the #'Kaden can't stop having things wrong with their body' So I'm dealing with bs. This one hit suddenly and I spent the day trying to get #into walk in clinics (and failed) they either weren't open or they were already filled for the day.#hoping I can get in sometime tomorrow and if not then its back to urgent care which is really something I'd not do as the wait times #are astronomically long. but if I have too I have too.#If I ever feel a little better I'll be here to bombard you with content and rb your stuff. please keep tagging me. i won't get to it #straight away but usually when I see I'm tagged I will rb it into my drafts so they don't get lost 💜#I feel like I haven't been existing lately irl and its really got me at an extremely low mood point.#sleep pain sleep pain eat/drink sleep pain repeat the cycle and I'm just so mentally exhausted.#I love you all /pl and I hope I can start being a little more cheery soon and I'm sorry a couple of my posts havent been. im just having a #real rough go of it rn #cosmic chatter

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getosugurusbangs · 8 months

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tfw you have a much worse day than you’ve been having

#today has been shit 👍#hoping it’ll get better later but who knows #broke down as soon as i got out of the shower earlier #because i realized some really sad shit about myself #i was supposed to be up early today - and i was. but i didn’t get nearly enough sleep so i went against the plan and went back to sleep #for several hours (and ended up being properly awake a bit later than i really wanted to be)#and now even though i’m not really tired or anything. i just want to sleep #i can barely get any work done #as much as i want to #so we’re doing great today #me.txt

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des-fangirl · 4 months

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(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) it is once again hard to get out of bed and do basic tasks to keep myself well every day EVEN EAT UGH i hope rereading mort will save me (i honestly dont know what else to do)

#it's all soo bad ugegwgv i hope it'll get better soon #i HAVE to get out of bed to walk my dog at least 3-4 times a day BUT WHEN IM BACK I'M KINDA JUST LAYING/SITTING IN BED #and the days just pass #im scared( sigh #des-vent #WHAT WAS MY TAG FOR VENTS GRRSGAHA I FORGOR😭😭#vent #well at least i have you guys!! i love interacting with people out here #and i know im just reblogging thingeys lately and not really contributing to anything not even drawing old men yaoi (im sad abt this)#but i still get a chance to talk to people here sometimes and when we do im so happy about it :)#ok my mind is such a mess now i better go sleep #birthday almost a day away uhh i wonder if i feel that bad because of that lol hopefully now #not*

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cuteniaarts · 6 months

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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

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ghostlynimbus · 6 months

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I'm hoping I start feeling better soon bc rn I am physically weak/exhausted but also my brain is just, so active and that is a frustrating combo.

#im bored but also cant really handle doing anything about it #ghost.txt #unnecessary update #or if i dont get to feel better soon i hope i can sleep more

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tittysuckersworld · 7 months

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THE PEOPLES LIKE MINE ARTTTTT AAAAAAA

#i legit screamed a lil #which is bad cause really gotta sleep #but golly golly golly #wish i could just make a buncha fanarts rn #have at least 3 really good fics/poem thingies asked and have permission to make art for #so gonna do that hopefully soon #i just need to get school work done then work on the other stuffs yes #golly geebers glob heckers am so happy constantly now what #the beuty of humanity and connection never ceases to amaze me #asked in la class for a discussion if peopkes would give the housing to people with alergies or guide dogs and insted of choosing a side #they asked questions and proposed actually really really good ideas for how to find a semi sutible middle ground #and like so many really good artists and writers and just amazing people so much more all of sudden im getting to talk to a lil #and the mutuals/artists ive loved for a wile have been getting even better at arts and im wufbsudbsh #gosh i need to find the person again cause remember they felt down about their art but its just so so stunninggggg #like is so amazing i love art i love others creations i love how can just see so much positivity in world #being a sap but i dont care people can be so good!! people want to be good!!!!!! even if horid things are happening and some people are ick #the majority will try to be good in own ways and thats smth #thats all can hope for #i may just only be looking for positives but heck it im a lil positive thinker now abd the world has such beuty in small and big thingies

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izzy-b-hands · 7 months

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If ur waiting on a reply from me (and i know a couple of folks are rn) thank u for ur patience in waiting. I'm working on typing things up but today is just. idk how to put it but i keep winding up grumpy and my replies i feel are suffering for it. Pls know i do wanna chat and exchange ideas, I'm just trying to make sure the Grumpasaurus Rex side of my brain that's v loud today isn't mucking them up before i send them 🫂🫂❤️❤️

#text post #like it's genuinely nothing just bad takes online some shitty messages in my inbox on here and reddit and not sleeping well at all #attempted a nap i woke up from like tenish minutes ago and it was all a realistic nightmare #in which ct house was somehow connected to nd condo & i kept getting caught on one side or the other at a time #unable to touch or talk to anyone until i was fully on either 'side' for a good while #made the flow of time feel fucked up and i fully expected this to have been a longer nap considering how time felt in there lol #but yeah. I'm trying and im v grateful to y'all waiting for being patient with me. thank u & i promise ill have my shit together soon #(aka might take an edible and just. idek. bake maybe? my brain isn't happy doing anything rn but cookies are always good)#have a potential call with mum later i need to prep for #...worst case scenario i try to nap a bit more and hope i don't wind up stuck in that weird hallway from my dream again #worst bit was the nd cats and my mum and ct cats and Housemate on each side both trying to get me out but couldn't #really don't wanna feel as stuck as i did in this dream but hey!! maybe it's trying to tell me something lmao #not entirely sure what but that's nothing new for me lmao #normally wouldn't post like this for replies but everyone waiting follows me so i figure this reaches everyone easily enough #& hopefully is better/more useful than me going radio silent bc my brain is being a baby abt shit that means nothing lmao

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abyssalpriest · 1 year

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God I could and should write a whole fucking book by the end of this life here on Lev and his symbols

ill write it then burn it before anyone else gets a copy. or i wont. im supposed to be helping him this incarnation here to get a better anchor in this plane so maybe it would help more than itd be weird - im just getting from him the energy of "yeah no people already effectively have these things, people on my plane already know me inside and out to an extensive degree, may as well have it here too" you know. fair

#ramblings //#ugh god i love his tone saying that tho. i kept trying to prod to see if it was a ''ugh yeah people know me inside and out and Yes Its #Invasive But -'' but no #oh my god man. his like energy towards his people is..... BEFORE I SAY THIS #I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW IM ANTI PROPAGANDA. the biggest reason i dont work with Lu and others is bc theres this tendency to #be like ''we're darkness but also light! we're teachers we're enlightened we're pure in our own way and the kings are here to #teach you how to empower yourselves and they love all worshipers and they reject all tyrannical authority and they are the good guys #against the chrxstian god who (insert specific atrocity that actually was committed by the kings not the 'chrxstian god' - and #''demons'' should KNOW that because it was AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE WAR so either theyre LYING orrrrr) and we're actually #really down to earth and more holy than anyone else bc we're enlightened - i mean uh uh no wait that contradicts us being #against the love and light style of enlightenment chasing'' like. i will tell you that my boss has massacred a lot of people i will tell yo #im anti monarchy and i dont believe that the kings' peoples are any better than 'angels' and i will tell you a lot of innocents on both #sides have been lost bc of royalty and rich families the kings are directly tied to #so i hope you know that when i say the way lev treats his people in his mind is..... holy shit #i pick apart everything he does. ive seen sides of him that are dark af (and i love him for them lmfao) but as soon as his people are #involved... have you ever been w someone getting hot and bothered and a kid walks in that you thought was sleeping and you just switch #completely into parent mode like. he'll have complex fictions w me helping me write stories about corrupt monarchies and shit #and then no. he is like. hes very good at mindset switching and going immediately into different faces but i swear #his ''i am a king and a king is a head of a mass of people - a king is a servant to his people'' mode is like. impenetrable #he is so. fucking intensely single-minded and trained to be a king unlike anyone else. anyway what was i talking about #OH YEAH. his tone w what i wrote in the post. was so switched into that mode of ''my viscera is theirs to eat as Im splayed on their table #and this is divine ruling. this is my purpose with them'' type shit. PURE thought. there is no other energy i can find in it other than #pure ''this is my job and i do it''. pure as in distilled. a pure tone like a sine wave played on a synth as opposed to a string plucked #leviathan //#ive. im nervous about saying the shit ive said here lmfao but ive had his OK before to say it ALSO. AS I SAID. theres no way his people #dont know the massacre was done by the kings lmfao. like. yall were involved. and also you all have to know that one of the #people that pretends to be the christian god is. two of the kings actually and since lev commonly appears to people and lets them #decide who he is bc hes never arsed making a show of Being Leviathan and whatnot im sure hes been called God plenty of times #too but like. cmon. I dont know who started the ''oh the uh the invading heaven and killing off half the population was the #chrxstian god'' rumour but i was first exposed to it through lu and (his wife) worshipers so yall get the blame - that said...

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salsflore · 2 years

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ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

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