#I suppose I deserve it though the mark I mean. even tho I tried my best while my brain was in complete tatters. I hate this and idk what on

[35253319]

Literally came here to rant about my mum and I see this. Plus decor cause felt like it teehee✨

[unbreathable]

ride home  / S. Rogers

Summary : As a girl you were always told to never accept a ride from unknown men. You knew what could happen, you knew the dangers and heck, you`ve seen how it ruined some girls. But hey, he`s your teacher, nothing could happen. Right?

Pairing : Dark(soft)!teacher Steve Rogers x female Reader

Before you read, please understand that this is intended to be a dark fic. There will be noncon elements, rape, violence, manipulation and so much more. If you find any of these disturbing, please click away. 18+ only.

Warnings for this one shot : manipulation, noncon elements, rape, use of drugs, lost of virginity. This is some kind of au and Steve might be out of character a little.

Word count : 3.319

Credit : for the gif I used, the credit goes to its rightful creator.

Note : Don’t expect this to be any good. I came up with this over the course of a few hours and I’m still learning how to write one shots, as I find it much easier to write a series. Also I still suck at writing “smut”. I’m trying to perfect it, tho. Promise. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this one shot till my mind would be satisfied with the way the next chapter of “The Magpie” turned out and would let me post it. :)) Also, please excuse any mistakes I made. Have a great day you guys!

                   Also, to all the writers from this platform : thank you !

Girl found wondering around without any memory of the last few days, claims she had been abducted and raped...

Your eyes narrowed as you stared at the case which has been all over the news for the past week. It was quite predictable, really. Young girl, too drunk for her own good woke up by herself in the middle of nowhere. You sighed. In a city as big as New York, cases like this happened almost every other day, but there was always something left behind. Fight marks, blood, hair. Anything that could help the police find the person who did it. This time though, there was nothing.

The poor girl. You couldn`t help but pity her. She must be terrified. All alone against a world that knows nothing better than to judge. You pinched your nose in exasperation.

Cases like this, it`s what made you choose to study law. You wanted to be able to help other women. To offer them a chance at justice. No one deserved to be told that it was their own fault for wondering alone at night or for wearing something more showing. No girl should feel like the law protects only the male population...

“ And what`s your opinion on this matter, miss I`m too busy scrolling on my phone to pay attention to class?”

You cursed in your head, as you put your phone away and lifted your eyes to meet your teacher.

Steve Rogers. America`s hero, savior of the world and an actual pain in your ass, was looking at you expectantly. You held his gaze as you forced your lips to form some kind of smile. Something about him always put you on edge and the way his eyes darkened as he stared at you, didn`t exactly help ease the feeling.

“I`m sorry, I was distracted.” you murmured, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he caught you unprepared. ”If you would be so kind...”

You looked at him as you raised one eyebrow. It was always like this. No matter what you did he`d always find something to pick at you. At first you took it as a form of banter between a teacher and his students, but with time it became clearly that he had a problem with you. Your grades didn`t reflect the hard work you always put in. Your extra work wouldn`t be considered. Every time you would as much as look at your watch he`d find something to jab at you. He would also have something to say about every paper you handed him. It was a miracle you even made the grade for his class.

You cringed as you remembered the comments he would make about your life outside his class. You seemed to bump into him on a daily. There was also something, in the way he watched your every move, that it made the hair at the back of your neck stay high on alert. You really couldn`t understand what you`ve done that America`s sweetheart despised you that much.

”The women rights...” he smirked down at you.

“Oh, yes. I strongly believe that women should have got their rights the same time men did.” you smiled when you realized that he wanted to add something else. “I mean we know that every society of this world was built around androcentrism, but if we`re real the women were the ones that kept everything from falling apart.” you drew in a short breath. “Oh, and I believe that 1920 was a bit late for our women to get their rights, since women all around the world fought for it since the 18th century.”

You smirked, as for once in your life the bell rang exactly when you needed it. Forcing a smile his way, you stood up gathering your notebooks. You were quite proud of yourself, not because your answer was the desired one, but because you got on professor Rogers nerves. While he didn`t seem to have a problem with women and feminists in general, he sure had a problem with the way you choose to speak on the matter. From the corner of your eye you saw his jaw twitch.

At first you were afraid to even say your opinion lest you would upset him, but now you enjoyed to see that vein on his forehead nearly pop. You held back a giggle. Oh well, at least you won`t have to see him for the next few weeks.

“Professor!” you rolled your eyes when you herd your bestfriend use her sweet voice. “I was wondering if you`d like to come to our party tonight.”

You stood straight, narrowing your eyes at the one that has been your friend since the first day you came to the city. What the hell was happening. You knew she had a crush on him, everyone did, but she wasn`t the one to just go and ask someone out, especially not him. You watched her in confusion as professor Rogers made his way to the front of the class.

“You know, with everything happening right now, the uni council would let us hold the party only if there was someone that could take care of us.”

“Oh!” you supposed that made sense, but even so why did it have to be him.

“Of course professor Barnes already said that he`ll be there, but we`d be thankful if you came too. Please!” your friend bated her eyelashes at him as you rolled your eyes.

Professor Rogers had a pleased smile as he moved his eyes from her to you. You held his gaze, even going as far as raising one eyebrow at him. He blinked, before turning his head towards the rest of the class.

“Since you asked so nicely.” he said after a short moment dismissively. ”`I`ll be there.”

There was something sinister in his eyes. Something that you failed to see as you made your way out of the lecture class.

“I can`t believe you invited him!” you playfully jabbed your friend in the shoulder as she walked next to you.

“Oh, come on! It’s just tonight, and I bet he won’t be able to stay up that late since he’s like... the same age as history?” she bit back a laugh, as she took your hand. “It will be fun, you`ll see.”

You hoped she was right since you were never a big fan of parties of any kind.

                                       _ _ _

This wasn`t fun. Not at all.

You knew you should have stayed home, yet you still wanted to enjoy the last night with your class mates before break. But this wasn`t it. The music was too loud and you couldn`t even hear what some people were saying. Also you`ve never really been a techno fan. The food was crap and you were sure everyone came just because there were free drinks.

It was well past midnight and you have been there since the beginning, but you were already dreading it. You smiled as your only joy came from watching drunk freshmen being rejected by some of your friends. The girls were ruthless and that made you proud.

“Hey girl!” your bestfriend came by your side, holding two glasses in her hands as her body danced along the rhythm of the music. “Look at was professor Rogers sent us.”

Her words were slurred and you could see that she drank already too much. That`s why at first you thought you didn`t hear her right. While it wasn`t unusual for men to send women drinks, getting a drink from your teacher was something you never thought could happen. It was wrong in a way.

“What?” your eyes widened as soon as the word left your mouth.

You eyed the glass she handed you. It seemed to be one of your favorites, and after the sour taste the beer left in your mouth, that would have been like a desert. Still something made you suspicious.

“Come on, take it!”  your friend pressed as she smiled broadly. “He must have realized that he’s been an ass all year and wants to make amends.”

She was giggling as her glossy eyes drifted around the room. She didn`t seem to be able to focus on anything, but somehow her shaky hands found yours and brought the glass you were holding closer to your mouth. You weren`t exactly sure what came over you, but you opened your mouth and let the liquid go down your throat. Involuntarily, your eyes wondered around till you saw the back of your least favorite teacher. He didn`t even seem to care about anything around him as he was engaged into a discussion with professor Barnes. That alone made you feel safe, even though the drink left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You were too quick to judge, you resonated. This was probably his way of saying: “Sorry I tormented you that much.” You suddenly giggled. It was shortly followed by your friend`s laughter. She threw the glass to the side and took your hand leading you to the dancefloor.

You weren`t that much of a dancer. You knew just some basics moves and that was it, but now you didn`t seem to care. You let your body move, and only chuckled when your legs started to feel like jelly. It was a strange feeling. You suddenly felt like were floating.

You furrowed your brows as you started to feel that your body didn`t exactly respond to your impulses. Everything around you happened in slow motion.

You cursed. Just how much did you drink? Moving one hand to your head, you tried to get your senses back, but you found it too hard to do. Your head buzzed. For a second you looked around trying to spot your friend among the sweaty bodies on the dancefloor, but it was like you couldn`t recognize anybody.

Fuck this. You had enough of this party already, and the way you felt made you decide that it was time to go home. You moved between the sea of bodies as fast as you could. Your coat and purse were the only thing you spent more than five minutes looking for, but as you found them you practically run out of there.

The bus stop wasn`t that far, but just the thought that you`ll have to go home by bus, made you want to throw up. You didn`t feel well and there was  dizziness that started to overcome you. As you watched the empty street, you cursed again. Of course you`ll have to wait till the next bus came. Damn it! You should really get your license.

The sound of a engine from behind you, made you turn your head. Your eyes narrowed as you watched the Range Rover slow down and actually stop right next to you. You squinted your eyes, trying to see through the tinted glass, but as a wave of nausea hit you, you moved your head to the side. You didn`t exactly pay attention when one of the windows went down. You didn`t really care. You felt sick, and all you wanted, was to get home.

“ I saw you left the party early.” the deep voice said. “Are you all right kitten?”

You hissed when you heard the voice of the last person you wanted to see right now. What was he even doing here? Your heart skipped a beat as another wave hit. You took a deep breath and tried to steady yourself. Just ignore him and he`ll go away. You didn`t exactly knew why you choose to act like that but there was something in your head that told you it was for the best.

“Come on girl, I have to make sure everyone is safe and sound.” you heard his voice. “If you don`t feel fine, I can take you home.”

The idea of getting home sooner and in a nice car was looking really good right now. But still, you didn`t feel like it was the best for you. You choose to keep quiet for reasons not even you knew. You glossy eyes scanned the schedule of the bus that was right in front of you. Thirty minutes and you`ll go home.

You heard professor Rogers sigh.

“And here I thought you never shut your mouth.” there was a deep chuckle, fallowed by the sound of the engine coming to life. “Look kitten I can either get you home or I`ll go my merry way and let you here all alone... well not quite. But I`m not sure you`d want that kind of company.”

Confusion filled your mind. The sudden move you made to look at him, made you dizzy. You tried to focus your eyes, in time to see him pointing to somewhere behind you. You slowly turned.

A group of guys were eyeing you like a wolf would his prey. Your mouth fell open as they did obscene gestures at you. Your whole body freeze as fear took over you. You knew what could happen. Suddenly you were more sober that ever and as you heard the car start moving, you nearly threw yourself in front of it. On shaky legs you moved towards the door.

“Wait” you find it hard to speak. “Professor, I`m sorry I... please!”

You looked at him with pleading eyes, and didn`t even register the way he smirked as you got into the car. Everything was a haze. You only felt like you could breath when the car started to gain speed. You didn`t even remembered to give him your address or anything, but as the car rolled down various streets you were only thankful you were far away from them.

“It such a crazy world out there” professor Rogers voice made you move your head towards him, but as the fear was gone, you started to feel the dizziness again.

With unfocused eyes you watched him. America`s hero was giving you a ride home for free and you were acting like he was your biggest enemy. What was wrong with you?

“I have to say I`m impressed.” he suddenly said as the car started to slow down. “That was one of the strongest drugs that you drank, and you still have some of your conscious left. The other ones were down after a few minutes.”

You looked at him and simply blinked. You wondered if your mind was playing games with you. Surely, he hadn`t said what you think you heard. You must have imagined everything.

“E... excuse me?” you asked dully.

You drew in a shaky breath as your trembling hand went to the door. He chuckled darkly at your attempts to open it. You wanted to scream but as your movement became slower and slower you found that fear wasn`t enough to fuel your limp body.

The car came to a sudden stop. You closed your eyes as you felt hands pulling you back.

“Now, now honey.” you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. “Don`t waste your energy, you`ll need it.”

You turned your head and watched him through your eyelashes. Something in your head was screaming at you to fight, to run, to get away. You wanted to punch, scratch, hurt him in any way. But your body didn`t listen.

It happened too fast. In a matter of second your dress was ripped to shreds. And your found yourself pressed to the door. He was over you in an instant. Turning your head to the side so that he could stare into your eyes. He had a hungry look on his face. You`ve seen it many times but it never terrified you as much as now.

“Just as pretty as I imagined.” he said in a husky voice.

You squeezed your legs as you felt his hand moving around along your body. He tugged at your bra till the clasps snapped. Your nipples stood erect, you didn`t know if it was from the cold of the car or the heat that was inside you. One of his hands came forward at pinched at your nipples. You made to move, but as sensing your intention he tugged your head back by your hair.

“Don`t you even dare!” he growled as his thumb played with one of your nipples. “I waited a long time for this”.

He leaned forward kissing down your stretched neck. His mouth was hot against your skin. You gasped when you felt his tongue leaving wet traces along your collarbone. He tugged at your hair one more time before his hand went down.

“Always dressing like this world is your own runaway, always thinking that you know it all.” he let out a moan as he squeezed your ass. “Do you know what a face as pretty as yours and an attitude like that do to a man?”

You whimpered. You never meant to catch his attention in that way, you just wanted to feel good about yourself. You wanted to tell him that. To tell him that you were sorry, but your brain didn`t work anymore. There was no reaction even as he spanked you. You felt like you could pass out every second.

“Don`t even think about it!”

You closed your eyes when your panties were soon the same as your other clothes. Slick was going down your legs. Despite everything, you were aroused.

“So fucking wet already. Good girl!” he praised.

You felt his hand descend down to your very core, proding around. You bit your lips as tears filled your eyes.

“How many have been here before?” he gave a low chuckle the same time his fingers pinched your button.

“One?” he mocked as one of his long fingers entered you.

You held back a gasp. Non, no, no. This wasn`t happening. Nobody touched you like that before. Nobody even came close to it. That`s not how you wanted it not how you dreamt it would happen. You wanted dinner, roses, a man you loved... not him.

“Two?” he continued as another finger stretched you.

You felt your walls clench around his fingers, as he moved them in and out ou you, everything while his thumb circled your most sensitive part.

“Fuck... you`re tight!” his breath was ragged, it was like he couldn`t get enough.

There was a sudden pause. In a quick move you found yourself pressed to the door of the car, as he angled your body to have better access to your burning core. He drew in a breath.

“A virgin.” he moaned.

You closed your eyes as you herd him playing at his clothes. The sudden hardness you felt proding around your core, made you shiver. You didn`t dare to look back and see it. You were scared. It seemed too big. You were afraid it would split you in a half.

You screamed when he entered you. The pain blurred your vision. Your whole body ached and tears fell down your cheeks. No, no, no. You bit back a moan of pain when he started to move, not caring about you at all. His moves were rough, punishing.

“Shhh doll, I`ll take care of you.” he rasped. “You must have waited so long for this... saving yourself for me.”

Your body moved in rhythm with his. His cock dragged along your walls as every move sent a wave of pain through you. Soon though, you found the pain disappeared. A strange feeling took over you. It was almost pleasurable. You guessed you would have enjoyed it under any other circumstances. But now? Now you were just tired.

As you passed out, you failed to notice the feeling of something warm flowing through you.

                                          _ _ _

Steve smiled down at your sleeping form. So pretty, even after being used like that. You had a glow. Too bad you might not remember anything that happened. He chuckled. It`s a  good thing he planned to keep you. He`ll make sure you`ll never forget him.

You were his girl after all. The only reason he took that shitty job as a teacher.

[originalcontent]

Aww heck, I never posted about Marble Nest! Let’s talk about Marble Nest. We played it, we got all four endings, there were a couple things I maybe wanted to try but we didn’t but that’s okay, it would be pretty easy to replay. A couple thoughts.

As a player character, Daniil makes for a very very different playstyle than Artemy. It’s wild how all the actual mechanics of the game can be the same and yet such slight tweaks can change the feeling of the game so much. Like how everyone talking to you but how almost no one trading with you makes the whole town seem completely different.

Daniil sees the town as a chessboard and Artemy sees it as a body. This Daniil seems to know a lot fewer people than Artemy knew.

The pacing is also very interesting. The whole “time to make your nightly rounds” thing, is that something Daniil does? Is that part of his gameplay loop?

Coming out of having just finished Pathologic 2, wherein everyone’s constantly bitching at and/or trying to kill Artemy every four seconds, playing as Daniil felt like a fucking power trip. People are like “hey can you do this please” and I’m like “...wait can I do this? I can just do this??” 

I think overall I prefer playing as Artemy, although maybe I was just more accustomed to it.

Daniil is a BITCH.

No seriously, when playing Pathologic, I felt kind of bad about continually dragging Daniil because deep down there was always this little part of me that was like “you know he’s just trying his best, same as you, he doesn’t deserve all this shit you’re throwing at him” but now that I’ve gotten to walk a mile in his shoes I can definitively say that he absolutely deserved all of the shit I was throwing at him, and also I think Artemy deserved to punch him once. (After that they can go back to being friends/lovers/colleagues, however you interpret them, but he should get to punch him once.)

Okay enough about Artemy, he’s didn’t even appear in this game.

Wait one last thing, in the list of townsfolk it showed Artemy as having a name rather than being called “Haruspex”, but in the main game Daniil was listed as “Bachelor”? 

God, that list. Seeing so many dead kids. :( Daniil you did not protect my children. Oh, Mark Immortell was there and was in danger, in the Bachelor route am I allowed to let him die from the plague, is that a thing I can do, please? My besties Lara, Bad Grief, and Victor were also dead, but Stakh was alive! I tried to visit him but I couldn’t, the game doesn’t let you cross the river even if you go alllllll the way around it. I tried to find Aglaya too but couldn’t.

Seeing the town map was so heartbreaking. Quarantining the stone yard and letting everyone else die is a pretty pragmatic decision bUT ALSO!!!!!! My KIDS.

The loop was neat, how everyone kept saying you were dead and how you didn’t know why until the end, and I loved how the town kind of was your body. (Do the fires mean you’re feverish? Does the cold mean you’re dying?) This game has always been excellent about how it nests themes within themes and symbols within symbols, and Marble Nest was no exception.

Kind of hilarious tho how the ultimate theme is “if you don’t want your favorite character to die, just stop reading the book, or maybe start over and reread the parts where they’re still alive forever.” Turns out you really can beat death Daniil, good job. :)

(“But wait! I may be a fictional character, but the disease which kills me is also fictional! AU in which it’s not real fuck you” Honestly what did I expect coming from the same people who had a plot-critical messenger murdered offscreen by the understudy of the protagonist.)

This character’s themes seem to be very lofty. Again, I think I vibed more with the more grounded side of things, but I love metafuckery so you know.

That time I was in that house and I was like “I might need to check out some rooms” and the other guy was like “here, I have the master key” and hands me a lockpick, I actually laughed. Incredible.

The PANTOMIME. God that was such a vibe. Compared to everything else in Pathologic, it was so animated! I do love the “you’re heartless, come back to me when you have a heart” and then in the next loop I hand them a human heart and they’re like “.....dude, have you ever heard of a fucking metaphor, holy shit why are you giving me this.”

The CLOAK. The MASK. The S A N D A L S. Hhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Wearing the ensemble and literally being immune to the plague zone, I was like “wow this is fucking op how is this even allowed” although I guess Marble Nest was also written so that you can last the whole game on literally one piece of toast.

It was so weird to go around places where I know twyre grows and not hear any bugs. I did take a nice incredibly long walk through the steppe just to see how far the game would let me go though, because it was nice and pretty and who the fuck has time for that while in Pathologic? 

I didn’t really talk much before with Georgiy Kain, but fuuuuuuck what is wrong with that guy? If Daniil’s been hanging out with him, I can fucking understand why he became obsessed with the polyhedron at the end.

And Aspity, oh god I have so many questions, what are you, I don’t think we ever cleared that up.

And Shrew! What’s her deal?? There were actually a lot of very memorable NPC’s who didn’t even have their own custom designs.

I don’t know much about Pathologic 1 but I think Eva killed herself in the Bachelor route? Does that mean she’s going to die in this Bachelor route if it ever comes out? I mean presumably Marble Nest already deviates from that game quite a bit since I don’t think Artemy dies in it (and I don’t think Daniil does either.)

Gee Daniil! How come your mom lets you have two funerals?

A little sad Changeling never came by to say hi, I would have liked to see her. Although I guess she’s busy trying to save my ass irl. I know I remembered seeing the steam page for Marble Nest earlier and being like “huh that’s sort of a strange poster for the game, isn’t Artemy supposed to be dead?” And then I played it and I just took a moment and turned to my sister and was like “hey look at this” and she was like “...yup that’s literally the game.”

Overall it was a fun time. Very short comparatively, very clever. 

[writingmyanxietyaway]

Beautiful, Beloved | Berlin

Requested by anon:  Hello!!! How are you? I hope good!! May I ask for 10 18 and 23 from the prompt list with a Berlin x f reader? I just need me some angst with a fluffy ending hehe, it's completely fine if not tho!!! Keep up with the amazing work!!

Word count: 1.8k

Warning: angst

Note: not my gif! Didn’t proof read so sorry for any typo’s!

I chose not to do prompt 18, because I’ve already done that one for Berlin. Hope that’s okay! Enjoy x

#10 - ‘You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew the first time I saw you and you know it too. I know you do.’

#23 - ‘Why choose me?’

------------

It was one of those nights again. You and Berlin were fighting, because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. He didn’t cheat though, but it was the hundreth time that he had women practically throwing themselves at him. You couldn’t blame the women though, he was a handsome man and you basically did the same when you first saw him. But the problem was that he didn’t even try to push them away or tell them he was in a relationship.

‘My God, you were basically fucking them with your eyes, Andrès! How do you expect me not to get mad at that?!’ you yelled. You tried to walk away from him, but he followed you everywhere.

‘Oh come on, I did the same to you!’ he laughed, pointing at you.

‘Because you were single! You can’t behave the same you did when you were single, because you’re not single anymore!’ you groaned, while throwing your hands up. You took a deep breath and lowered your voice. ‘If you so desperately want to be single again, that’s fine, but just tell me. It’s the least I deserve.’

Once the words left your lips, you saw his expression change from smug to shock. You breath hitched and a sudden burning in your eyes ruined your tough façade. Berlin’s heart stung while he looked at your broken state. It was just now that he noticed how tired you looked. Big, dark circles marked your eyes, the light had left it’s orbs and your cheeks were hollow. You had definitely lost a few pounds and your body was trembling.

‘I-’ he stuttered. He tried to explain to you how you were his world and there was no way he would let any woman destroy the strong bond you had, but he couldn’t. He was stuck in his own words and he was terrified he would lose you because of it.

‘I love you with all my heart, but I can’t keep doing this to myself. It leaves more damage than it does good. It’s okay if you fell out of love or if your preferences have changed, but just tell me. Please,’ you pleaded, the volume of your voice lowering with every word you spoke. Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you tried to work this out, but he just stood there. No emotion on his face, no moving towards you, no words. You sadly nodded and lowered your head.

‘It’s okay. I’ll go,’ you whispered. ‘Just know that nothing has changed for me. I still love you the same as I did before. If you change your mind, you’ll know where to find me.’

You turned around and tightly squeezed your eyes shut, hoping with all your heart he would come running after you and hold you close ‘till the sun came up. But he didn’t. You wandered around the mansion you two lived in until you arrived in the garden. On the right there was a little cottage. It was your favourite part of the whole house. It had a big bedroom, a little living area, a kitchen and a bathroom with a bubble bath and sauna.

You smiled at the faint memories you’d shared with Andrès here. Dining with lit candles around you, sitting in the sauna, making love in the bubble bath and cuddling in bed. It was your safe haven. You went here to clear your head or just to be alone and work on your book. 

Sighing, you closed the door behind you, shut the blinds and ran yourself a hot bath. You knew you didn’t have to pack your bags, because something inside you said that he would come around. You sunk in the bathtub and turned on the bubbles. You closed your eys and bubbles away until the water turned cold. After you dried yourself off and put on your pyjama’s, you dove in the bed and dozed off into sleep.

-

The next morning you were awoken by a knock on the door. You groaned and burried yourself deeper in the mattress. The knocking continued and you heard the voice of Greta, one of the maids in the mansion.

‘Darling? Breakfast is ready,’ she softly called through the door. You sighed and carefully opened your eyes. You loved Greta. She was an elderly woman, one you’d see in the movies, with snow white hair, dark red lips and big glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose. You loved her to death. She was like a grandmother to you and whenever you had a question or needed advice, she had the answer.

You got off the bed, put on your robe and glasses and went to the door. You unlocked it and was met by the elderly woman smiling sadly at you. She knew you would only come to the cottage when you weren’t feeling great, so she knew exactly what had happened.

‘Again?’ she asked and all you could do was nod your head. You felt ashamed and stupid. This had happened so many times already, you truly couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that you still tried your hardest with him.

‘Thank you, Greta. I can’t remember I requested breakfast, though,’ you frowned, taking the tray from her that displayed all your favourite foods.

‘Andrès requested it. He knew you would be here,’ she said, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. It took everything in you not to start crying again. ‘He also wanted me to give you this. Stayed up all night writing it for you. He didn’t sleep.’ She handed you an envelope with the words ‘My dearest’ written on top of it.

You sighed, ‘What do I do, Greta?’ She smiled softly at you and you could see the little twinkle in her eyes.

‘You know what to do, darling. If you need anything, just call and I’ll be here,’ she said, kissing you on the cheek and turning around to leave. You watched as she disappeared inside and you closed the door. You set down the tray on the bed and hesitated to open the letter. Was is really worth going through this again? You opened the letter and read it.

To my dearest Y/N,

Words cannot explain how sorry I am. I hurt you in a way I never wanted to hurt you and I can never forgive myself for that. I betrayed your trust multiple times and I want you to know that I am incredibly sorry for doing that. All this time I thought I needed to earn my validation from others, when all I truly needed was yours. I didn’t see what I had right in front of me and by doing that I hurt you. I see now that you have always accepted me for the way I am - my good and bad side. You’ve seen me at my best and my worst. You keep me sane and stay with me in my darkest hours. You never complain about how I wake you up in the middle of the nigh or how I always leave my underwear spread around the room. I’m sorry for not seeing how incredible you are. I’m sorry for not appreciating you enough. I’m sorry I’m not the man you deserve. I hope you can forgive me and give me one last chance to prove to you how much you mean to me.

I love you with all my heart.

A.

Tears welled up in your eyes. Never had Belin been so vulnerable and open to you. It showed you he really was trying his hardest this time. Times before he just got you a bunch of roses and that was his apology, but this time it was really different. He was sincere.

You munched your breakfast and changed into the summer dress you wore yesterday. You made the bed, brushed your teeth and left the cottage, taking the tray of now all-eaten food with you. When you were just about to enter the house again, you saw him sitting on the terrace, a glass of red wine sitting next to him while he held his head in his hands. You placed the tray down gently and approached him. He didn’t seem to notice you as you sat down beside him.

‘Why choose me?’ you asked him softly, not trying to scare him. He tensed up when he heard your voice and slowly lifted his head. He didn’t look at you, he just stared into the distance. His eyes were puffy and you could tell he hadn’t slept.

‘Sometimes.. there isn’t really a reason. There’s just this feeling burning inside of you when you catch someone’s eye or hold their hand. It..’ he sighed, trying to come up with words that would make sence. He usually knew exactly what to say and how to say it, but now he just blocked. ‘It feels so right. The moment I saw you for the first time, you looked so stunning. Not because you wore a fancy dress or had your hair done nicely, but because you were you. You never once changed yourself. You were just this twenty year old that lived her life exactly the way she wanted to live it without any regrets and living like there was no tomorrow. I instantly fell in love. My mouth dried up and my heart beat out of my chest.

‘When I went to talk to you, you saw right through me. You knew exactly what kind of man I was, but you made it your mission to break through those walls and find the real me. You did one hell of a job for that one, princess. You showed me that I’m not just this ladies man with a constant need for attention and drive for sex and money,’ he chuckled. He turned around and looked at you. He bit the inside of his cheek - something he did when he was nervous.

‘I don’t mind the sex part, though,’ you whispered, making him chuckle and you giggle.

‘What I’m actually trying to say is that I’m sorry for everthing I’ve done that hurt you. I was a dick and didn’t realize how much you mean to me. You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew the first time I saw you and you know it too. I know you do.’

You let his words sink in. You could feel his heavy heartbeat next to you so you placed your hand over his, on his knee.

‘I forgive you. Just please promise me you’ll try to talk to me more. I feel like I hardly know you anymore. I’ll be here for the rest of your life if you want me to, but don’t push me away,’ you pleaded. He could see your eyes filling with tears again, so he quickly wrapped his arms around you.

‘I promise, princess. I will never let you go again.’

.. .. .. .. ..

Berlin Taglist

@nkjktk​ - @michaellangdonenthusiast​ - @hamiltonsofcrap​

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[renjunvinates]

From Me to You

Summary: At one point all of them liked you, but there’s someone who has  kept their strong feelings for you this entire time. Different liking timelines, but one same boy. Seven anonymous letters with Seven boys, but ONE secret confession letter leaked. Who wrote the letter?

word count: 2.2k

slty masterlist - prologue 1 - prologue 2

1 Mark Lee - The Childhood Best Friend 2 Huang Renjun - The Next Door Neighbor 7 Lee Jeno - The Basketball Captain 3 Lee Donghyuk - My Brother’s Roommate 5 Na Jaemin My Brother’s Best Friend 4 Zhong Chenle - My Astronomy Partner 6 Park Jisung My Dance Parter

Lee Donghyuk My Brother’s Roommate

I walked back into the house and everyone looked at me, I guess they were expecting me to say something since I went outside crying my eyeballs out and then seeing me only coming back into the house without Renjun, which clearly says something with their faces.

“So… Are you okay?” Jeno asked.

“Yeah, I was just very overwhelmed with school,” I lied.

“Are you sure it wasn’t because of Renjun?” Jaemin asked.

“No, he did nothing wrong, he was just asking me if I was okay and my stubborn headass wasn’t budging,” I replied.

“Yeah sounds like her,” Donghyuk said.

“Sorry I ruined movie night,” I apologized.

“It’s okay, the movie was boring anyways,” Mark said.

“Where’s Renjun?” Areumi asked.

“He left, he said he needed to do something?” I replied.

“And he didn’t even say goodbye to us,” Chenle frowned.

Jisung nudged Chenle and he whined in pain, I looked over to see what happened and I looked over at Chenle and he instantly smiled and brushed off the pain. I glanced over the other boys and then I saw Jeno’s face, he seemed really angry and upset. I wanted to say something but I didn’t want to bring more attention, instead I was going to pull him to the side and ask him if he was okay, but before I could, he excused himself and said he needed to go home. Everyone looked up and examined his face and they knew he wasn’t having any of it. He left and slammed the door and everyone looked around in shock.

Without thinking I ran outside the door and ran towards Jeno and called out his name, he heard me and turned around and stopped walking, as I ran towards him.

“Jeno, what’s wrong?”

“Are you sure Renjun didn’t say anything to you? Or do something?” He asked.

“No?” I questioned.

His face turned bitter and he started walking again.

“Wait Jeno, where are you going,” I ran towards him.

“Home, I need to cool down,”

“Why? Jeno what’s wrong?”

He stopped and turned around and then hugged me tightly, my eyes widened and I tried to push him back because I was panicking.

“Jeno what are you do--” He cut me off.

“Please, let me just stay like this for awhile,” He replied.

“Okay,” I replied.

I stood there as he hugged me tightly and I put my arms around him and patted his back to give him more reassurance to let him know I was here. My heart was pounding like crazy as he had his arms around me and hugged me tightly, it felt like time froze but I’m sure only maybe a minute or two passed by.

Soon after Jeno released me from his hug and then looked at me, he was going to say something but then he stopped himself and took a pause.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” I asked.

“I was just triggered when I saw you crying that’s all. You know how I am when I see my close friends cry,” He replied.

“Yeah, but I'm fine now. There’s no need to be this upset, and you know Renjun would never hurt me like that,” I responded.

“Trust me, I know. I just hate seeing people cry and it triggered me,” He said.

“Well Jeno thank you for being angry in my place, but everything is fine,” ‘

“Yeah, well, I'm still going to go. I need to cool off still, thank you (y/n),” He smiled.

“Of course, anytime,” I smiled back.

There it was, his cute eye smiles that formed when he smiled, my heart combusted and I was practically recalling why I liked him, it’s because he was so sweet and cute, he had a pure heart like Renjun. Not only that he was the basketball captain star, who wouldn’t love him? But then again Lee Jeno is way out of my league and he probably doesn’t look at me like that anymore.

Jeno waved off and I waved back at him and then he disappeared from my eyes. I took a deep breath and sighed into the air and then proceeded to enter back into the house. As per usual everyone looked at me and was expecting an explanation from me.

“So, what was that all about?” Jaemin asked.

“Nothing, he was just mad about the whole crying situation,” I shrugged.

“Mad to the point where he hugged you?” Donghyuk said.

“You guys were spying on us?” I asked.

“Well how could we not? He left pretty angry and then you ran after him,” Jisung said.

“Hey, I just wanted to check up on him,” I replied.

“Which is fine, it’s just we weren’t expecting a hugging scene with y'all,” Areumi said.

“Why are you guys acting like it’s a bad we’re hugging, I mean we’re just friends,” I said.

“I mean yeah, but does Jeno think that?” Chenle asked.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked.

“Okayyyyy, we’re not gonna go there. Chenle shut it,” Mark glared.

“... Sorry,” Chenle apologized.

“No, Chenle tell me, what’s that suppose to mean?” I asked.

“It’s nothing, it was just a question, I overstepped my business,” He replied.

“Fine, I’m leaving then, it’s been a rough day today, I’m going home,” I frowned.

“Hey come on don’t be like that,” Mark said.

“No, you of all people know why I’m like this, be like what? Stressed? Overwhelmed? I’m going home,” I said.

“(y/n) calm down,” Jaemin said.

“I’m not calm, that is why I’m going home,”

I turned around and left while slamming the door, after walking out the door I heard the door open again, I turned around to see who it was and it was Donghyuk walking behind me.

“Hyuk, what do you want?” I asked.

“Well for one, have you forgotten that Jaehyun is my roommate and my ride to the apartment, and for two, I wanted to make sure you were okay,” He replied.

“Makes sense, but I can assure you I’m not okay and overwhelmed, but it’s not like that matters right now, just don’t bother asking me about it, because I'm tired of talking about it right now,”

“Here you go again, speaking too fast, slow down and breathe,”

“Hyuk i’m just tired okay, let’s leave it like that okay?”

“Okay okay, fine,” He shrugged.

I sighed and took a deep breath and looked up to the sky to calm myself down, I looked over and saw Hyuk beside me walking silently. I quickly glanced over his face and it seemed like he was bored out of his mind or that he wanted to talk.

“What’s on your mind Hyuk?” I asked.

“Nothing much, just wondering what the hell happened today,” He replied.

“Don’t you dare ask me about it, because nothing happened,” I replied.

“I knew that was your answer,” He scoffed.

“Can you explain to me why Jaehyun is here though, he rarely visits home, and well you’re here because of the boy squad,”

“I don’t know? I mean I told him I was heading home today due to movie night, and he just offered to come with and well he gave me a ride so now here I am,”

“Weird, he never tells me anything,” I pouted.

“I mean it’s his life,” He laughed.

“I guess, but still I’m his sister, I deserve to know something. He can’t just show up on a whim and then invade my privacy!”

“You think Jaehyun would do that?”

I thought to myself and remembered that he totally invaded my privacy with my confession letters, I glared at Donghyuk and then he thought about it.

“You’re right, he would,”

“Exactly,”

As we were walking towards my house, I entered the door and then Jaehyun greeted me, and then he greeted Donghyuk.

“So, how was the movie?” Jaehyun asked.

“Disaster,” I replied.

“What? What happened? Isn’t movie night like the best night?” He asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to go shower, Hyuk you can stay in my room if you want, or chill with Jaehyun. Do whatever,” I said.

“Oh okay then,” Jaehyun replied.

“I’ll be there in a sec, I’ll catch up with Jaehyun for a bit,” Hyuk said.

Jaehyun’s p.o.v

“So what’s up with her?” I asked.

“I don’t know man, one mintue she’s happy the next she’s crying and now she’s just full of anger,” Hyuk replied.

“Did something happen at the movie night?”

“Well we came in the kitchen when Renjun yelled at her, and then it seemed like she was already crying, Jeno came in attacking Renjun, then next thing you know she’s running outside the house, then Renjun chases her. It’s gets even more weird she comes back into the house without Renjun and then we have an angry Jeno and then he LEAVES the house and then she chases after him, then all of a sudden they hug outside and then he leaves and she comes back into the house,”

“So what you’re saying is many things happened to her and she’s overwhelmed and pretty much not having any of it huh,”

“Yeah basically, she stormed out after Chenle made a remark about Jeno,”

“Why what did Chenle say?”

“Well he was like does Jeno think that, because (y/n) stated that they were just friends,”

“Big yikes,”

“Yeah, and then Mark told Chenle to shut up about it,”

“What why?”

“I think you know why,”

“Oh..he’s not?”

“No, he’s not,”

“I just assumed?”

“Yeah not with this one, so can we go home now?”

“Oh yeah, about that, we can head home tomorrow. I still have some things to do still,”

“Really hyung, where am I gonna go?”

“Just stay the night, you’re acting like you haven’t before,”

“But I wanna sleep in my bed,” He pouted.

“Well you can sleep on the floor or on the couch your call,”

“You’re being an ass,”

“Sorry? Walk home tomorrow then,”

“I’M KIDDING GOSH, I’m going to (y/n)’s room”

“You’re not sleeping in her bed,”

“I’M NOT DUMB OH MY GOSH,”

“Just making sure,” I replied.

I laughed at him as he pouted and dragged himself upstairs to my sister's room, and cursing under his breath wanting to go home and sleep in his bed.

(y/n)’s p.o.v

After I finished showering, I took a deep breath and went out the door and headed towards my room. I walked in and saw Hyuk holding a bunch of papers. I cursed under my breath forgetting about those letters being exposed around my room. I ran towards him and snatched those letters away from him.

“What the hell Hyuk, why are you invading my privacy,” I yelled.

“Where did you get this?” He asked.

“That’s not the point, why did you read these,”

“How can I not? They were everywhere when I got in the room and then I saw mine laying there? How the hell did you get my letter?”

“They were mailed to me. I don’t know okay, I got them through the mail,”

“How much do you know about these letters?”

“I only figured out two of the letters. I know all of you guys wrote one too me, and I figured out Renjun’s and Mark’s letter,”

“So you don’t know the 2019?”

“That’s not my concern now, which letter did you write,”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to assume you’re not in love with me like that anymore, so you have nothing to lose. Mark already told me that someone is in love with me, and it’s someone who has the letter J in it. So, it’s not you,”

“Dam it Mark Lee. Wait Renjun confirmed his letter? He didn’t say anything else?”

“No, he said this was years back and it didn’t matter anymore,”

“I wrote the April 6 2018 one,”

“That means you know who’s in love with me,”

“I do.. But I won’t tell,”

“I don’t have time for this bullshit Hyuk,”

“I’m sure you don’t but I don't have time for people’s bullshit if I expose them”

“You little brat,”

“I get that a lot,”

“Why.. Why did you like me?”

“Because you’re so fun to tease and be around, and when you’re like a blushing and flustered mess it’s really cute, but you know how to be feisty and that’s pretty hot,”

“Don’t ever call me hot,”

“It was a joke, but in all seriousness, you’re actually a great catch but my feelings for you compared to the other guy isn’t the same. He’s like actually in love with you,”

“Which therefore, you should tell me,” I begged.

“I’m good,”

“Get out,”

“Hey come on,”

“Get out. I’m going to bed,” I frowned.

“I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be just please, leave. It’s been a long day,”

“Fine,”

I watched him leave and I plopped down onto the bed closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I sighed in frustration. I can’t believe I eliminated three letters, although I’m glad Donghyuk isn’t in love with me. I mean he’s a cute boy, but such an annoying brat sometimes, I don’t think I could handle it, besides he’s my brother’s roommate which is weird, but I guess it’s not as weird if I liked Jaemin. Regardless, Donghyuk was my brother’s roommate and friend, and we’ve only met each other for a short time, just didn’t seem right.

Off next though was Chenle, my Astronomy Partner.

-

slty masterlist - prologue 1 - prologue 2

1 Mark Lee - The Childhood Best Friend 2 Huang Renjun - The Next Door Neighbor 7 Lee Jeno - The Basketball Captain 3 Lee Donghyuk - My Brother’s Roommate 5 Na Jaemin My Brother’s Best Friend 4 Zhong Chenle - My Astronomy Partner 6 Park Jisung My Dance Parter

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 55 - 51

55. fusedmarc - “Rain of revolution” Lithuania 2017

[2017 Review here]

Who else? My love for Fusedmarc has become a BorisBubbles.tumblr calling card and come on, there’s no way I wouldn’t drag them this high. Two years later and I still cackle thoughout this song with the exact same vigor as I did two years back. 🤭 Now, I do understand that “Rain of revolution” is one of the worst 10 songs in this decade and... well, yeah, (yeah, yeahyeah NRG yeah yeah yeeeeaaah) that’s the entire point. If we lived in the universe where ESC entries can be compared to motion pictures, in which “Waterloo” is Citizen Kane and “A matter of time” is fucking Titanic, then “Rain of revolution” is The Room, for Viktorija and Denis posses the exact same endearing insanity, inscrutability and genius as Tommy Wiseau.  And honestly, this song should be shown in movie theatres because it turned inteptitude into an artform. Reminder that fusedmarc were the only 2017 act to refuse PBC:UA’s offer for stand-in rehearsals because they were afraid Ukraine would fail at getting their ~vision across~ 😂😍

Reminder that this resulted in technical errors DURING THEIR LIVE PERFORMANCE. 😍

Reminder that they song is punctuated by endless YEAH YEAH YEAHs 😍

Reminder that they only won Eurovizijos Atranka because a diehard vegan facebook group found out that fusedmarc were *also* vegan and urged their lithuanian members to vote for them, allowing them to beat Aiste 😍

Reminder that Victorija styles herself after Little My from the Moomins 😍

Reminder that her diction is equivalent or worse  to the English spoken in the Nekci Menij show. 😍

Reminder that Viktorija’s nail game is more on fleek than yours.😍

Remember that LIFE LIKE ROLLERCOASTEN, SPEENING MI ORAWND 😍

It’s all about MICKIN a start and let their light shine FRUUU U. So DANCE to the RIVEM of ur SOLE, chant ‘LIETUVA’ like that random woman does at the start of the performance (IS THIS THE SAME LITHUANIAN FRUMP who went all out during Belarus, because if so I may have found a soul sibling), end the reign of RevoLucian and look for the reason why hamster on the road. Life is like a rollercoaster and live it to the fullest.

________________________________________________________________

54. Tom Dice - “Me and my guitar” Belgium 2010

I’ll be honest: As a Belgian, Tom Dice has a lot of emotional value for me. The year was 2010: Belgium hadn’t qualified for a final for six straight contests, sending failure after failure. Neither VRT had, until that point, shown any idea behind what they were doing, consistently picking the wrong songs during the national selections. RTBF meanwhile, didn’t even try, sending novelty acts they knew would never qualify. So, imagine being Belgian and seeing Tom get announced, fedora perched askew on his head, with a tepid guitar ballad and you’re like “oh MORE of the same, well bye 😬", except SURPRISE Tom is naturally charismatic and has a great voice and turns his by all standards generic song into an experience. 

It’s the Todevska principle: Tom OUTSOLD. Is he the best entrant? No. Like many ESC alumni he entered the contest with his least good song. Is he the most exciting entrant? Far from it. 

However isn’t it fair to state that we, Eurovision fans from Europe, have always had at least one dark age in our history with the contest? Periods where our supposed “best” wasn’t good enough? Periods where we struggled being proud of whom we were and where we came from. For someone to come out of nowhere and put you country back on the map after years of adversity, be it an ABBA, or a Bobbysocks! or a Tamara Todevksa, that makes for a magical rebirthing experience. Tom Dice is Belgium’s and I am #Proud of it. 

oh and also the live owns dwi. 🤭

________________________________________________________________

53. Aram MP3 - “Not alone” Armenia 2014

WOD EEF EETS ONLE WAN KEES!

Long before ASMR became a popular thing, Armenia send an entry that is only enjoyable if the listeners plugs in their best airphones, clears their heads and lets the music sweep over them.

And I mean, “Not alone” may be a mere Build-Up-To-An-Epic-Climax Ballad, but dear gods is it effective. You see, “Not alone” starts off quiet and solemn, a gentle piano tapping, punctuated with small drums... and then the orchestra comes in and builds and builds and builds until

at long last

WOD EEF EETS ONLE WAN KEES

DAT TERNS AL SIEDS INTO TRIZZ

DE STRONGEIST VIND INTO BRIZZ

OHPEN ALL DORS WIDNO KEEZ

and fuck, take my lifetime supply of hairpieces because that shit is awesome? The only real downside Aram has for me is that he requires a lot of set up: you really NEED to be in The Proper Mood to enjoy “Not alone” in its fullest glory. But when you are willing to take that plunge and be swept away by its rawness, you’re in for three minutes of catharsis. PS: Aram performing it drunk at the finale 😍 

being awesome AND being incompetent in two different performances, what a kraljic <3

________________________________________________________________

52. Ott Lepland - “Kuula” Estonia 2012

There are two reasons why “Kuula” ranks this high and neither is Estonia bias :o

The first is, obviously, the context. I’ve spoken widely about how terrible Baku2012 sounded as a whole, and how disappointment everything was. Well, “Kuula” was not only acoustically sound, it is actually the ONLY song that I was pleasantly surprised me. I had no opinion whatsoever going into Baku and he roses to my #3 of the year.

Which brings me to the second reason why “Kuula” ranks this highly. It is just... really fucking good, lol?

With powerballads such as these it’s REALLY important to suck the listener/viewer in and the combination of Ott’s great voice, adorable personality, the magical language that is Estonian (which also, conveniently, allows me forget “Kuula” has Deep Meaning and Touching Lyrics 🤗), and a great organic build up captivate me immensely. Even though songs like “Kuula” are far from what I normally love, it never fails to sustain me, proving tho every great rule they’re always a greater exception. 🤗

________________________________________________________________

51. Anouk - “Birds” the Netherlands 2013

~She slayed it from the outside~

Oh my god Anouk was such a rollercoaster. From my end, I was OBSESSED with Anouk from the second she was announced (as the first participant of 2013!!!) because hell yeah I LOVED “Nobody’s wife” and “Girl” and this expected ~High Voltage Rock OWNAGE~

What we got instead was... something just as great, if completely different. “Birds” may not have been an in-your-face rock song, but it never-the-less was a beautiful, mesmerising, unpretentious avant garde ballad. “If being myself is what I do wrong, then I would rather not be right” sticks out as an absolutely brilliant line that I often use in my daily writing. 😍 I LOVE how Anouk performs btw, on the satellite stage, in a sea of f(l)ags:

While also delivering distinctly Dutch diction. 😍 Paraphrasing:

“Burds follin daun de roeftops, aut of de skai laik reendraups, no eir, no praad.” 

Like ^ pronounced that in dutch and you literally have Anouk’s diction nailed. 😍

“Birds” was basically the “Me and my guitar” of the Netherlands, but there’s also the added bonus of  Anouk herself. You see, in contrast to her song’s ethereal demeanor, Anouk is KNOWN to be a huuuuuge abrasive confrontal bitch with zero filter 😍 and fragments of her diva personality definitely oozed into Malmö as well, from nonchalantly recording a gritty webcam vid for official channel’s preview vid (😍) to  flippantly pulling a hood over her face each time a journalist wanted to interview her. It ended, how else, with Anouk writing “Walk along” for Trijntje, and then cussing her out for being frumpy / talentless / sucking at life when she NQ’d. When Trijntje tried pinning them blame Anouk for writing her a bad song on purpose (lmfao), Anouk retaliated by stealing Trijnje’s coach seat on The Voice NL. PETTY QUEEN <3 We truly aren’t worthy of this irl Cersei Lannister. 😍

Also um, I just realized I ranked those two on opposide ends of the Dutch chart:

The 2010s marked wonderful renaissance for the Netherlands. I’m never ~OBSESSED~ with their entries, but they are a very solid Eurovision country, reliably delivering good music. I think they’re also the country that has the lowest amount of godawful entries on average (literally 2. Fuck you, “Without you” and “Amsterdam”.). If anyone deserved to win based on track record alone it was definitely them. 

[askthechaoticwitch]

➡ @xmalfoydracox ⬅

The Slytherin inhaled as he listened to her words, keeping his grip on her wrist as he exhaled. “Yeah, it came out of nowhere and caught me off guard. But just ignoring it won’t do any good, trust me ignoring something usually makes it so much worse. And besides if something horrible should happen to me and I was gone for good, you’d have to live with the what if and do you really want to do that?” He questioned softly before he let out a sigh as he let go of her wrist, listening to her speak once more he couldn’t help but to shake his head in disbelief. “I’m far from being a saint but thank you Wanda, you seem to be the only one who see’s the good in me. Well other than my mother but I am sure she’s quite bias since I am her baby boy.”

The male had allowed the female to take his hands in hers, he just focused on breathing as he listened to what she had to say. He couldn’t help but to let another sigh escape his throat, he had tried once before to make a friend who wasn’t as bad as his current friends but the male had judged him before getting to know him and rejected him. That had hurt quite a lot so he decided to stick with Slytherins and to close his heart away, he focused more on making his father proud than worrying about anything else. As he did that he decided to make the male’s life hell, if he wanted to assume he was the wrong sorts then so be it - he’d show him the wrong sorts as long as he felt the pain he had caused.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts when the Gryffindor had finally finished her thoughts, scrunching up his nose a it as his lips curled into a frown. “I’m not in love with Pansy so I wasn’t holding my breath for a future with her, its just a in the now and see where it goes sort of thing. You assume I deserve all that but in honestly, I wish I did but I don’t. And besides I'd sort of have to allow someone to get that close to start with and if you haven’t notice, I sort of made it where no one seems to want to. And yeah maybe but I haven’t exactly decided if I want to settle down.” He spilled out as he let his face relax a tad bit, shaking his head at her in disbelief once more. Did she seriously think he was gonna forget about her little confession, if she did then she was crazy. “In Merlin’s name you can’t be serious, I aint gonna forget about you little confession Maximoff. What I can guarantee you, is that its not gonna change anything unless you let it. And you need to stop assuming what I feel, its bloody rude. You aint me so you don’t know what I feel so don’t even begin to tell me how I feel, it is one way to make me dislike you and that’s really not what .” Malfoy hissed as his nostrils flared, it wasn’t as if he tended to lose his temper on her but who gave her the right to assume how he felt?

Inhaling then exhaling before he dared speak once more, he was trying to keep his emotions in check because he wasn’t gonna lose it on her. “You are right, I don’t feel that way towards you currently so yeah we’re not gonna happen. But it still doesn’t give you the right to assume my feelings before actually talking to me about it. And stop calling it a problem, there is seriously nothing wrong with having those feelings.” He sighed out as he lowered his voice, the last thing he wanted to do what hurt her feelings but he had to be honest with her. Besides it would be for the best if she just got over him, for multiple reasons that he really didn’t want to discuss.

After a few moments had passed, the male was becoming a bit angsty. He could see the worry in her eyes, which was followed shortly by words that he was dreading to hear. “Don’t worry about it...” He muttered out in a low breath, he honestly didn’t need another person worrying about him. He would be fine - he just had to be, but unfortunately he knew that he couldn’t stop her from worrying about him. Swallowing hard as he let go of her hands and moved backwards a bit, he was all too prepared to run and avoid this subject. He could handle the other one but this one, he didn’t want to talk about.

How could he tell her his deepest darkest secret, knowing that it would change things between them for good. After all she was on Potter’s side the last time he checked, he however was on the dark lords side - not by choice tho. It was bad enough he may not survive to his seventeenth birthday but to lose his best friend? That was worst.

He parted his lips to lie and say he was fine, that it was nothing he couldn’t handle. However he was cut off when she once again spoke, a slight huff escaping his throat at the words. He doubt she could love him if she knew what he was and what he had to do, even if she managed to somehow love him then the realization of what’s gonna happen if he fails is gonna hurt her. After all he promised her that he’d always be there for her til the end, how could he tell her knowing it could cause her pain either way?

A frown settled upon his facial features as he pulled away from her, he was literally trembling at this point. He didn’t care to pretend anymore, he was so close to breaking. “Wanda--” The blond began but cut himself off, he began looking around before he turned his attention back to her. He didn’t say anything, instead grabbed her hand and took her to somewhere more private. “--You can’t help me, I’m sorry...” Draco breathed out as he put a bit of distance between them, he couldn’t stand being near her right now as what he was about to do was gonna be one of the hardest things he would ever have to do when it came to Maximoff.

The Slytherin bit down on his bottom lip hard enough to cause it to bleed as he held out his arm and flipped it over, his hand ghosting his sleeve as he looked down at it. He knew there was no turning back after he did this and he knew for sure he wasn’t ready for this but he couldn’t lie to her, she had to know what’s wrong and why he didn’t deserve anything she thought he did. Inhaling and exhaling once more as he looked up at her, once he locked eyes with her he lifted up his sleeve to reveal the dark mark that rested upon his arm. “I’m not fine, I am never gonna be find again. I am supposed to kill Dumbledore. I don’t want to do it but I have no choice, I have to do this or he’s gonna kill me. I rather pitch myself off the    Astronomy Tower than do this but he not only threatened to kill me if I fail but my parents too and I can’t let that happen, I just can’t. Its my father’s punishment for failing the dark lord not once but twice, my mother cried for weeks after I received the mission.. I have been trying for weeks to fix up a vanishing cabinet to let my Aunt Bella and a few death eaters in the castle.. I barely sleep due to that and the guilt and fear I feel is causing me to barely eat, I am basically dying inside... I didn’t tell you all this because I am terrified of losing you, not that I can blame you because death eaters killed your parents and now I am a death eater about to commit the worst unforgivable thing imaginable. I’m sorry, I am so truly sorry. You can hate me, I understand but please don’t tell anyone. Please, I am begging you.” Draco cried out as the tears fell from his eyes, he couldn’t stop himself from breaking down any longer.

Wanda was listening to Draco, her facial expression turning from relaxed to one of disappointment and worry. He had suddenly slipped but it didn't go unnoticed by his friend. "Wait. What do you mean by "if I was gone for good"? What is going on? Why are you speaking as if you're going to die?"

However, he kept talking about his relationship with Pansy, and she let him finish, but she was going to bring it back as soon as he was done speaking. The brunette frowned, looking at Draco bewildered. "What's the point of being in a relationship with someone you don't love! If you truly have no feelings for her as you said, you should stop wasting your and her time. As mean as she can be, she deserves to be with a person who loves her. You do too. You'll only hurt her and yourself if you keep this up."

Wanda felt her cheeks heat up when the Slytherin brought back the topic of her feelings. She shifted uncomfortably, swallowing hard, a look of betrayal in her eyes. Draco had ditched her for a girl he doesn't even love? To say she was feeling terrible was understandable. Rage was building up inside of her, but she put on a perfectly calm, cold expression, determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had been able to hit a nerve.

"Listen, Malfoy - I've always thought you could be more than the mean person everyone knows. You have no right to play with people's feelings and you should stop leading Parkinson on, that's really shitty of you. I'm not really surprised though, you've always been up for some "entertainment"."

The girl took a breath, still looking at Draco with an emotionless face. "I won't stop calling it a problem because it clearly is one. Falling for you was a mistake especially since I now know you don't mind dating someone just for the fun of it and not because you truly have feelings for them. That's a reason I should give up on you, just as you wanted."

Wanda really couldn't imagine dating her best friend and finding out he didn't love her at all in the first place. The thought made her feel used, somehow dirty. The Gryffindor suddenly felt sorry for Pansy, whose situation was exactly this one.

After she had brought up Draco's miserable state, Wanda noticed him becoming quite uneasy and she almost regretted starting this conversation. Almost.

The girl followed him to somewhere private where they could discuss this matter in peace and waited patiently for a reply. She frowned when he let go of her hands, upset by the fact that her friend was pushing her away again. The female observed the way anxiety was seeping into Draco, she could almost hear his loud heartbeat in the deadly quiet room. Her expression softened, she was looking at him with pure love, encouraging him to share what was troubling him. It hurt her incredibly much to watch him suffer in silence, unable to help him so she was hoping he'd finally let her in.

Wanda's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Draco nearly falling apart, but she didn't say a word. With a pounding heart she watched as the boy pulled up his sleeve to reveal the dark mark on his arm. The girl let out a quiet gasp, covering her mouth, as the tears finally rolled down her cheeks. She carefully listened to her friend's explanation, not taking her eyes off the black skull and snake which rested upon his arm. The female could only take a couple of seconds before nausea hit her full force and she had to pull a chair to sit on since her legs were barely holding her at that point. The news knocked the air out of her lungs and Wanda began to rub her throat, finding it extremely hard to breathe. Countless thoughts were running through her head, each more terrifying than the one before it. She had already lost her biological parents, twin brother and adoptive parents, she wouldn't be able to bear the loss of her best friend who was her only family.

She looked up at the boy with a broken expression, nearly choking on her words. "You do realise not only Dumbledore is going to die if you complete this mission? What makes you think Voldemort won't kill you and your parents even if you succeed? Remember - he's not to be trusted, he knows no sympathy nor loyalty. He's cruel and he wouldn't hesitate to get rid of any of you if he has to, in order to win."

Wanda stood up and in the next moment the boy was in her warm embrace. The girl knew how much he needed to let it all out and she wasn't going to stop him - she let him cry into her shoulder and be broken, something he had done for her long ago.

"Draco... I can't hate you for something that's not your fault. You were forced to join the Death Eaters and you never wanted to kill anyone," Wanda spoke softly, taking Draco's hand to gently caress the skin where the mark rested, knowing how painful the process of receiving it actually is. She was absolutely shocked by how long he had managed to keep it a secret for but couldn't blame him - there's no easy way to share this secret even with your closest friends. "All of this... I can't even process it. I'm sure you know all of us are going to lose if you let the Death Eaters in. Thousands of innocent people are going to be hurt, tortured and killed..."

Wanda whimpered quietly, still not believing what she had just heard. "You've been a bully, yes, but you could never be a murderer. Your heart isn't cruel. That's why I know you're going to fail with your mission. Plus Dumbledore is the greatest wizard of all time, he can't be killed easily."

"I promise you that you do have a choice. You'll always have. You're just a boy who happened to be burdened with a terrible purpose and I know people who would gladly provide you safety. Dumbledore himself would never turn his back on people who come to him for help. Your parents would be safe too, Dumbledore would shelter them like he did with Severus Snape years ago."

Wanda squeezed her eyes shut and a few more tears fell. "If you, however, decide to finish your mission, that means you're on the Dark Lord's side and you support the people who murdered my parents. You will hurt me immensely if you betray me like that."

The girl finally opened her eyes and exhaled slowly. She looked into Draco's tortured grey eyes. Wanda didn't really care about how miserable and worn out she looked, she just stood on her tippy toes and placed and feather-like kiss on his forehead.

"Just say the word, Draco, my dear. You don't have to go through this, especially not alone. I'll be with you until the very end. Whatever it takes."

[charismastaticarchive]

lulu ( & patricia ) hc/meta:

motherhood/maternal instinct in fiction & feminist analysis

if u read my content, you know that i like to have a bit of a leftist, feminist&genderfuck slant to all my writing and the analysis of all my characters. women in particular are never just women, and they’re always more than the fanservice and literary/video game tropes that are pushed on to them.

i want to talk, for a moment, about “cis” motherhood and a cis woman’s body, particularly a fictional/conceptual/symbolic one---from the perspective of a non-binary afab lesbian with psychosis who has experienced delusions and dysphoria about pregnancy my whole life. from my own personal perspective, mostly because of the aforementioned marginalizations and mental illnesses i experience.... pregnancy and motherhood are both terrifying. 

but i don’t really want to talk about that, i want to talk about the typical “cis” women characters with maternal instincts----and how i believe mothers in fiction can be portrayed as complex women without losing their personalities and personal goals, namely by choosing to believe that a woman’s experience with pregnancy, childbirth, and her family/romantic entanglements are as complicated and varied as she is---and believing her problems are not solved by a man, a child, or pregnancy and in fact, can even be excacerbated by them.

so to do show examples of simpler narratives that can be made more complex, i’m going to talk about two different characters of mine that are ‘mothers’ in canon----patricia, and lulu.

to start with, patricia is the archetypical dead anime mom. the only things that make her a special character to me are that: 1) she had an extraoridinanary amount of children in order to birth a ‘special’ child. 2) she was married to two men at apparently the same time. and 3) because of her wanting to see her own child, extreme tragedy takes place that she apparently is aware of when she asks the villains of the game---a man masquerading as her own brother included among their ranks---to help her.

now we could go the typical route. we could say that patricia is a mother---and of course she loves her  biirth children more than anything, and she wanted to see her birth mother instead of her step-child. (in addition to being a dead mom archetype, she makes a very excellent evil step-mother.) but her life is so much more complicated than her child. she has two husbands. her brother is one of the main villains of the game that tortures her child. there’s thing you can get into, hidden depths that can’t be explained by her just being a woman or a mother. perhaps she loved her birth children as if they were her only family bc she knew her brother no longer was her family, her parents did not believe she was any use to them other than a bargaining chip to becoming royalty. the emperor was old, and she was very young. perhaps she felt for the past ELEVEN pregnancies that only her children, made inside her body, were the only thing that were her own in that terrifyingly lonely castle. perhaps she wanted to see them because her second husband was just as patriarchal as the first, perhaps as self-consumed. perhaps she wanted to be more than a wife---and all she knew she could be was a mother.

there’s was you can write her as very complex, and even make the seemingly simple motivation of just seeing her birth child a symbol of a greater inner life within her, even though she’s not even mentioned on the black eagles route, and is only mentioned in passing in blue lions route!

and so, on to a much more complex example of my portrayals, because lulu is an actual canon character who we can  actually see in the canon of ffx and who is not just alluded to.

lulu is maternal, an ‘older sister’ figure to yuna, and a voice of reason the whole game who takes care of yuna and even wakka in a famililal context. she’s nurturing and kind despite her dark & gothic appearance, and even her puppets refer to her as ‘mother’ in certain unlockable cutscenes in the second game.

but despite this, this is not all lulu is. lulu is a wise guardian figure---but she’s also a fierce fighter that can get the most damage in your party. she’s knowledgeable about the world at large, she’s sensible to a fault and takes 0 bullshit. she’s deeply traumatized about the loss of her first love, chappu, and probably her second lost love, someone she tried to guard shortly before the game begins. despite the most important person in the world to her being her sister character in game, the second game pairs her up with wakka (her dead fiancee’s BROTHER) and ‘shows her’ having a child with him. i say ‘shows her’ because, the game uses the exact same model from the first game, and does not ACTUALLY show her looking pregnant before she has the child even tho she could supposedly give birth at any moment.

we can assume lulu wants to move on from all the death in her life---to a new life with wakka. but it doesn’t make sense that she would get over her trauma so easily, especially without yuna by her side. she lost her parents to sin, she lost chappu, and just because sin is gone, doesn’t mean that the church and all its teachings which she believed in for long hasn’t left a mark on her, or that the church being willfully wrong about how to save the world (and sacrificing so many people in the process) ALSO didn’t have an effect on her when so much of her trauma is related to that.

i think lulu as a mother figure fails. i think in this case of canon, motherhood is a copout for the character---who literally just wasn’t in ffx-2, because it would restrain yuna and not let her grow as a character as much, in the director’s own words. she’s ‘healed’ by wakka and motherhood, her agency as an active player in the story (and her sister’s life, the most important person in the world to her) is taken from her. we’re supposed to take it as FINE with lulu that yuna just left in the middle of the night and never came back even tho she told no one where she was going! she could’ve been dead!

but i think we CAN make the circumstances of lulu in ffx-2 more complicated, if we try. if we take lulu’s trauma seriously, and show that her circumstances effect her. if we make her relationship with wakka something of desperation---to try to make her life make sense, to try to inject new life into a world still full of death & ghosts. we can make her feel not connected to her body and her baby by not being able to ‘show’/’see’ the growth of her child inside her. and we can make part of the reason she wanted to have this child because she felt she ‘lost’ yuna, that yuna was growing beyond her---and she wanted to have someone to take care of, still, even tho she might never have the same connection with her child as she does with yuna---and that SCARES her. we can also note that as a wlw as i play lulu---she might’ve thought she HAD to be with wakka to ever find someone who could love her AND have children with her, and being pregnant with a man’s child making her feel lost from her body and sense of self---her love for both chappu, and for women.

final notes: this was about cis women, but i want to note that all motherhood can really be something beautiful. i believe that stories should be about LOVE more than anything, and the bond between mother and child---especially a trans mother who chooses their own child through adoption, found family, surrogacy, or having a child with their partner with a uterus---can be one of the most beautiful sources of love on this planet!

being responsible for another human’s life with always be taxing. but when it’s something you choose---knowing that responsibility, wanting to bear the burden of a human life, and actually seeing the goal of raising them for the rest of your life and seeing to it that they’re happy and healthy---that’s something that’s really special and wonderful, even if it’s something i can’t see myself doing.

still, i don’t think the story is EVER so simple as a cis birth mother in a nuclear family loving their child and their husband, and living solely for them. life is complicated. women are complicated, with rich inner lives! and that’s part of the thing that makes willful, ethical motherhood so beautiful----knowing that taking on the burdens of taking care of another person for the rest of your life, meaning that your life comes second, is such a. big step in giving up part of your self just to love someone, just to take care of them and be there for them as your child deserves.

it’s more complicated than that, obviously, but love is complicated! and if love is worth telling stories about, then complicated stories about women and the ways they love their children, each other, and themselves are even more important.

i don’t know how to end this so [dabs] i guess lol

[sakurachoi2096]

What is love?  [Chapter 9]

Title: What is love?  [Chapter 9]

Genre: Fluff | Angst | Smut 

Characters: Im Jaebum | Got7 | Reader

Warning/s: none

Summary: Jaebum was your childhood friend. Both of you had a beautiful, strong bond. Like sister and brother after all your families practically saw each other every day. However, he entered in JYP to be a trainee and you was preparing for medical school. Since then both were only able to talk trough kakao talk, after a few years once he was stable as an Idol and you as Doctor, you guys decided that it was finally time to meet again. Having no idea what was about to come next. 

Author: Sakura Choi (me)

Words count: 1174

You ended up going to the living room to sleep; but who said that you were going to be able to do it so. Slow flashbacks kept coming to your mind, as you fidget in the sofa trying to get a grip. All types of questions came to your mind, why he did that, did he drink, is he making fun of me, is he trying to bully me. Although, even if you were trying to make him look bad in your mind, your heart raced like thousands of horses to the point you felt like shaking, however, late it all transformed into a ball of guilty and anxiety because of Jooheon, because it was kind of your fault even though you didn’t realized sooner. Nevertheless, for some reason it felt right and it felt like it was something that was supposed to be happening. You looked for your phone, still shaking, trying to send a message to Jooheon which the only thing you could say was ‘’When I come back lets go on a date’’ You needed to tell Jooheon what just happended. The next morning Jaebums mom woke you up asking you why you were sleeping in the couch and the only excuse you could say was ‘’I felt nauseous in the night so I came downstair and fell asleep’’, a few minutes went by and Jaebum woke up with the smell of his mom breakfast, however, he didn’t look at you or even talked to you. You felt confused and used, even though you felt angry with him for kissing you but a little explanation wouldn’t kill anyone. The day just went by like that, he was avoiding you the entire time and his family was starting to notice it so you fake up a call where you had to go to the Hospital no a night shift since the resident in charge that day broke his arm, you told his mom that you had to go and didn’t tell Jaebum. You packed up your things again and left, with a heavy heart. Again, questioning yourself you thought why he did that. You needed to clear up your mind and went to have a drink by yourself at your favorite bar, it was not like you always went to drink but sometime with was great to relieve some stress; moments later you felt a hand patting your back you jumped looking at your back, this bright smile saluted you with surprise ‘w-what are you doing here?’ you asked ‘I came with some friends from college, and what are you doing here I thought you went to see JB moms?’ Jooheon replied raising his eyebrow ‘ah something came up and I came early’ he hugged you giving you a kiss on your forehead ‘we are going to talk about this later now come that I want to introduce my girlfriend to my friends’ he smiled ‘Jooheon we still …’ ‘I know, I just want to say that you are since they are here’ he laughed, grabbed your drink and you hand basically pushing towards the table he was. Surprisingly you had the greatest time with his friends, that you forgot everything and had a way more drinks that you were supposed to have, Jooheon took you home. You were drunk.At your home in the door you pulled Jooheon and kissed him ‘you are too good for me I am a bad person, you know?’ in between hiccups you tried to kiss again but he stopped you with a laugh ‘Enough for today time to go to bed give me your keys so I can put you to bed’ you grinned clinging onto him ‘put me into bed? Haha I like that idea maybe you can undress me ‘ he laughed at you even harder entering in the living room ‘you are way to wasted Y/N-ah~ Lets go sleep’. Jooheon helped you to get in your room as soon as you felt the sheets of your bed you were asleep, he slowly put some blankets around you and left the room silently. On his way outside, someone called him but he ignored it ‘Hey I am talking to you, why are you in Y/N house?’ Jooheon looked just to see Mark ‘Mark, right? I just came to bring Y/N home, she got really drunk’ Jooheon sighed ‘Hm I thought she was with Jaebum but that’s ok I guess, see you’ Mark left and so did Jooheon. Mark got back to the dorm and saw Jaebum who just got back from his parents’ house talking with the other boys ‘Hey, you got back’ said Mark ‘yeah I had to get a train to come back’ said Jaebum while drinking some water ‘I see that explain everything’ 'What do you mean?’ said Jaebum confused ‘Well when I was coming home I saw this guy Y/N is seeing getting out of her house, I asked why since I thought you two were together he said to me she got really drunk and brought her home he was already leaving tho’ Jaebum face instantly changed, he was ready to storm out to your house but then Jinyoung hand grabbed his arm ‘Hyung calm down’ Jinyoung said ‘Yeah he said she is sleeping already but now I am kind of curious if you did something to her’ said Mark looking to Jaebum and the boys ‘It’s none of your business, keep your nose out of it’ Said Jaebum while going to his room slamming the door. He tried calling like 8 times but you didn’t answer none of his call, he was starting to get worried. Next morning you had this hell of a headache as you reached your phone to see the time, you saw Jaebums phone calls ‘meh anyways he deserve it’ you thought to yourself as you went to the kitchen to make some new coffee for you. Suddenly your phone started ringing again it was Jooheon ‘Good morning~ are you feeling alright?’ ‘I am doing good thank you for bringing me home I can’t remember everything if I said something weird I am sorry’  ‘Oh man you were so clingy last time’ he laughed ‘but thank god you are fine by the way on my way out I saw this Mark guy, he talked to me because he saw me leaving your house and stuff’ ‘Oh shit, alright now I will have to go there to explain myself to him’ you laughed ‘otherwise he will say I can’t marry anyone anymore’ ‘hey the only one you are going to marry is me, anyways don’t reply I need to go, see you’ he hang up the phone and this instantly feeling of guilty and regret came to you. So, you decided to drop by the dorm since it was Sunday still Sunday morning you thought maybe Jaebum was still at his moms house, so you could avoid seeing him.  You knock on the door and for your surprise the one who answered was him.

[youngjaelook]

Querencia — Park Jinyoung

author's note — another requested imagine! i actually really like this one, it's lowkey kinda fluffy yet angsty at the same time. hope u guys like itttt! also send me some more requests! to anon, i know u requested a jinyoung au and im so sorryyy asfkdfjfdkl i hope u still like it tho T.T #UNEDITED!

request from anon — Hi! Would like to request for park jinyoung au, where he forgot about 1st anniversary and his s/o had prepared a surprise for that day. but jinyoung didn’t appear and then, when he realized, he tried to put the situation to rights?

summary — Lately, it seems like Jinyoung doesn't know that he's the reason you're falling apart.

warnings — slight smut, angsty-ish & flufffff

word count — 2K

Jinyoung was rarely ever running late, so when the clock struck ten and he was still nowhere to be found, you wondered if you supposed to feel worried.

It was mid-November in Seoul, so it wasn't exactly warm outside. The air was biting and you could practically make out the white snow starting to fall down from the sky like beads of rain on a July afternoon.

"It's Jinyoung! I'm probably busy at the moment, so please leave a me —" Usually, you loved the sound of Jinyoung's voice, but tonight it was anything but soothing.

You looked up at the sky, cursing the gods for your luck today, and sighed.

You were aware that dating an idol wasn't going to be a walk in the park. You had to compete for his attention on most days.

Sometimes you felt almost like a burden to him.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you jerk in surprise.

It's Jinyoung.

You don't hesitate to answer him, heart beating widly in your chest as you prayed he was okay and safe, and not in some freak car crash or something. "Yah, Park Jinyoung! Why haven't you answered my calls? Are you alright? Oh God, please tell me you're alright."

You hear shuffling on the other side, followed by a heavy sigh.

"I'm fine, jagiya. I just — I'm still at this party and I don't know if I can make it tonight." It's like your heart is free falling into the dark void in your stomach.

You don't know if you should be relieved that he's safe and not in the hospital, or if you should cry because this is the third time he's flaked out on you. You figured any other day would be fine for him to ditch you for his job, but today marked your first year together — did he even care?

Jinyoung takes note of your silence. He's pulling at his dress tie, mouth dry and lip twitching as his guilt starts eating him away.

"Princess —"

"Why do we even bother anymore, Jinyoung?"

And it's as if all of Jinyoung's demons start mocking him, torturing his senses, driving him insane as the words roll off your tongue.

He swallows thickly. "Jagiya, let's not talk about this now," he looks around, hoping nobody can see the tears in his eyes, or the tremble in his hands. "please."

It takes almost everything in you not to scream at your phone before hurling your phone into the busy street. You take in deep breaths in order to calm your state of mind, but it doesn't work — you don't know if anything will work anymore.

"Goodnight Jinyoung." Your voice is soft, on the brink of breaking, and you hung up the phone before you could hear him protest.

The walk back to your apartment was quiet, only the sound of your sniffles and the buzzing of the cars on the roads, are the only sounds you hear along with the shattering of your heart with each step you take.

When you get home, you fling yourself on your bed — the velvet sheets keeping you warm, and providing you comfort.

After what felt like hours of crying which were only just about twenty minutes in reality you make yourself a cup of tea to calm down your raging head-ache.

You don't know where you stand with Jinyoung at the moment, neither did Jinyoung.

He was whizzing past crowds trying to get to the exit. The remorse in his heart prompted him to run back to your apartment, to see you.

Wonpil was the one who noticed his fellow label-mate sprinting for the door. He frowned as he made his way to Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jinyoung looked like a mad man as he turned around to face Wonpil. "woah, are you alright? Did you drink too much — it's very unlike you to get drunk this early into the party."

Early? Jinyoung wanted to scream. It was half past midnight, and the girl he loved oh so dearly was probably back in her apartment after hours of waiting for him, crying herself to sleep because he didn't show up!

It was too late.

Wonpil noticed the conflict in Jinyoung's face and laid his hand on Jinyoung's shoulder as he gazed deeply into his eyes. "You haven't been taking," he looked around and lowered his voice. "drugs, right?"

Jinyoung's eyes visibly widened. "What? No, of course not! It's just," he ran his hand down his face, flustered and frustrated. "I flaked out on my girlfriend."

Wonpil pursed his lips. "Again?"

Jinyoung nearly choked on his spit. "Again? What the hell do you mean again —" Wonpil shook his head. "I can take you to her apartment if you want, I know where it is."

Jinyoung always thought Wonpil was a gift sent from heaven.

"You would do that?" Jinyoung asked.

Wonpil always liked you not in that way, though, he thought you were a nice girl, an extremely warm soul with a good heart — he knew you deserved better, but he always knew that you loved Jinyoung with every fiber in your being.

"Yeah, of course."

Jinyoung didn't hesitate at all as he followed Wonpil to his car parked in the basement.

And as the car started to take off and the party's music fizzled from earshot, Jinyoung couldn't help but think, "Wait, you know where my girlfriend lives?"

Wonpil switched gears and chuckled. "Y/N's a really nice person, and a great friend."

Emphasis on friend.

Wonpil managed to get them there in under fifteen minutes. But in those less than fifteen minutes, he nearly ran over a stray cat, nearly missed another car's side mirror by an inch and ran a red light.

Jinyoung looked pale as he reached to unbuckle his seatbelt. "Hyung," he gasped. "How did you even manage to get your license, or a car for that matter?"

Wonpil merely shrugged. "I have my connections." He said. "Now go," Jinyoung nodded and wobbled got out of the car.

"Yah, I'll be down here if anything backfires!" Wonpil gave him a thumbs-up and attempted to parallel park the car.

Jinyoung races to the elevator and tries to calm his breathing, though it's no use because he's starting to panic and the cramped space of the lift isn't really helping.

There's this dread sinking into his bones that he's going to lose you. It's been only a year, but he's convinced that he only wants you.

Jinyoung feels at home with you.

Every time the sunlight pours into his room and you're sprawled out beside him, his heart warms and it's like he's going crazy as he stares at you. He wants to have this everyday, to bask in your warmth and that pretty smile of yours.

Jinyoung raps on your door four times.

You're by the kitchen, stirring your tea when he knocks. You nearly jolt out of your skin. You check the time and see that it's nearly one in the morning.

You open the door and stare in shock when you see it's Jinyoung, looking like a mess — a handsome mess.

"You look like you're about to puke, are you drunk?" Jinyoung shakes his head. "No, Wonpil drove me here." You immediately understand.

One time Wonpil had suggested he take you home after you both got some coffee together — never again, is what you tell yourself.

"Okay, I think you need to sit down," You don't hesitate to take Jinyoung inside. He always made you so soft.

You guide him to the couch, laying him down softly against satin pillows. He suddenly feels intoxicated by your touch, compelled to run his hands against your sides.

"Jagiya," You don't respond, finding interest in your fuzzy socks.

Jinyoung feels desperate. "Princess, look at me." You still don't look.

"Y/N," your head snaps up and you stare into Jinyoung's eyes with your glassy ones.

Looking at you right now, Jinyoung felt beyond guilty. How could he put you last, how could he leave you out in the cold? How did he deserve someone like you?

"Come here," And it's like his voice is a spell, bewitching you to follow everything he said.

You hesitantly sit on his lap, the material of your cotton shorts hiking up to your thighs. Jinyoung buries his head into your chest, sniffling and muttering out incoherent sorry's.

Your heart breaks even more if that's possible.

You run your digits along the softness of his dark locks, twisting and caressing his silky hair. "Jinyoung," you murmur.

Jinyoung sobs and clutches on to the fabric of your shirt. "Please don't leave me, Y/N. I know I don't deserve you — but please, I promise I will do what ever I can to give you everything you want, everything you need."

You're sobbing along with him, not caring if his tears are ruining your shirt. "Jinyoung, don't say that." You cry.

"I just really don't want to lose you," he peers up at you, and you feel like falling in love with him all over again as you stare at him.

His eyelashes are wet with his tears, and his eyes are iridescent and lustrous under the warm lighting of your living room. His lips are parted and rosy, so tempting to kiss and nip at.

"You won't, Jinyoung-ah." You reach out to stroke the supple skin of his flushed cheeks, admiring how smooth he felt underneath the pads of your fingertips.

Jinyoung brings his lips up to touch your own. His kisses are urgent, yet soft and gentle. His hands travel down to touch the small of your back, guiding you flush against him.

The material of his pants kneaded the heat between your legs, leaving you panting and whimpering, and he doesn't stop, only picking up his pace as he admires you falling apart above him.

"Jagiya," his voice has turned hoarse and slightly deeper, sparking a blue flame in you. "strip for me, please." It doesn't take much from you to do what you're told.

In a matter of seconds, you're nearly bare in front of him; the only thing acting as a barrier between you two are your panties and his slacks.

"So pretty for me," he muses.

You sigh when his lips leaves a trail of kisses on the valley between your breasts. "Only for you."

And as Jinyoung hooks his fingers on the hem of your underwear, his phone blares in his pockets. Who could be calling him at this ungodly hour?

Jinyoung gives you a look as he continues to undress you. Your hand reaches into his pocket, fishing out his phone.

"It's Wonpil?"

Jinyoung stops what he's doing and curses silently. "Shit, he's still downstairs."

You watch in amusement as Jinyoung answers the phone, a look of anticipation in his face. "Yah! Park Jinyoung, I've been waiting here for the past hour —" Jinyoung frowns at you and shifts the phone to his other ear. "I swear to God if you two are fucking up there I will —" You take the phone from Jinyoung's hand and giggle.

"Wonpil-oppa,"

The line is silent for awhile before Wonpil speaks up, his voice much softer compared to earlier.

"Y/N-ah," Jinyoung stares at you in shock. There's a twinge of bitterness that strikes his chest, pouting and crossing his arms like a child being told off.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting, oppa. But Jinyoung and I are okay now, so you can go home." You tell him, sweetly.

Wonpil nods, though you can't see him. "Yeah, alright alright."

"Thank you, Wonpil-oppa. Drive home safely, and text Jinyoung when you've arrived home." Jinyoung glares at the wall behind you, still pouting. You hand him the phone, and Jinyoung presses it against his ear. "So, you've got a soft spot for my girlfriend, huh hyung?"

You shook your head and began to unbutton Jinyoung's button-down.

"Of course, I do — I mean, what kind of person doesn't?" Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Wonpil snickers. "You should see Jinyoung PD-nim with her." You shrug innocently at Jinyoung and offer him a small smile.

"Anyways, I'm going. Take care, and I'll see you soon." The phone call ends and Jinyoung takes your hands away from his shirt.

"Jinyoung PD-nim?"

Your shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "I have that effect on people."

Jinyoung chuckles and smiles knowingly. "I can attest to that."

[happyumbrellla]

Snk:Mafia!Omegaverse : Chap 3

Chapter 3 : Back home

Eren woke up slowly and flickered his eyes to get them used to the dim light in the room. He was fine there. He was warm, in a cocoon of safety and tranquillity. The smile that had begun to form on his lips stopped sharply when he realized that the cocoon in question was due to the fact that he was snuggled up against Levi and that Levi's arms had wrapped around him to hold him in that position. If Levi had been his Alpha, this situation would have been completely normal and healthy. But the black-haired man was NOT his Alpha. How did they end up like this? The young man looked up at his "cushion" and was surprised. The older man's features were devoid of all their usual coldness. They were relaxed, calm, quiet... Eren couldn't help but find him even more beautiful than usual. The Omega bit his lower lip wondering if he would feel it if he touched it, just a little... His fingers lifted gently to rest gently on the Alpha's left cheek. He caressed it lightly and was surprised to find that the white skin of the Survey Corps executor was terribly soft. Levi's jaw contracted under the caress and his hand fell on Eren's wrist to brutally move the hand away from his face. The brown one claps with surprise and pain. Levi's steel eyes opened and immediately landed on Eren. The latter swallows:

        -Sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you.

Levi did not answer but glanced at what he held in his hand, the brown one's wrist. He released him gently:

        -I’m sorry.

Eren blinked several times while rubbing his wrist. He was surprised that the Alpha apologized. The two men stood up in a seated position:

        -Did I hurt you?

        -… A little. But it’s okay.

The black-haired man observed the red mark around the young man's wrist:

        -My mother always taught me not to hurt an Omega. She taught me to respect and protect them.

Eren and Levi remained silent, detailing each other:

        -What happens now ?, ends up asking for the Omega.

        -Now you are officially on the list of Omegas on our territory.

        -... What does that mean ?

Levi left the bed and moved towards the wardrobe, under Eren's gaze:

        -For Survey Corps, Omegas are treasures that must be protected and preserved. So we found and listed all of them on our territory. Today, they all have effective close protection. And soon, you too.

The Omega had trouble integrating all the information he had just received, too distracted by Levi's muscles. Eren fought with all his strength not to get up and snuggle up against that muscular body that was screaming, "I am capable of protecting you and our future puppies". The young man shook his head. What were those thoughts? Stay focused, Eren! :

        -Do you control the Omegas ?

        -No. They live their lives freely and independently of us. Our job is simply to protect them, no more, no less.

Eren straightened himself up more:

        -Does that mean I'm not gonna stay here and be locked up?  

        -Of course not. I'm gonna take you home and put everything in place so you can get on with your life as it was before... Well, almost.

        -Almost ?

        -You didn’t have a bodyguard before.

        -But… But I don’t want to have someone behind me all the time…

The Alpha brought his attention to him, ceasing to search the wardrobe for clothes to his size:

        -Are you sure about that ? You seemed happy that I was protecting you last night and staying with you tonight.

Eren blushes. It' s true that he had asked Levi to stay with him yesterday to continue to feel safe... He had needed it... It was his nature :

        -It’s not the same.

        -How is it different ?

The young man frowned before getting up to stand in front of the Alpha. Eren was perhaps an Omega who was dying to submit to Levi, but at that moment he was mostly an angry Omega. He was not responsible for the events of the previous day. It was all Levi's fault. And he was gonna tell him, even though the Alpha could probably kill him without leaving a trace. He refused to have someone following him around, let alone a mob man:

        -It's different because yesterday's events took place because of you! It's for you that these guys came! Not for me! So yes, I'm glad you stayed with me, but you owed me a lot. It's your fault I needed to feel safe!

Levi smiled slightly amused, which shocked Eren:

        -Why did you seek security from me if I am the source of your "misfortune"?

        -Because you proved you were strong enough to protect me!

The Alpha growled with satisfaction and Eren bit his lower lip. He had said too much but he was happy to have satisfied the black-haired man. Wait a minute, why was he happy that he satisfied Levi? He wasn't his Alpha..." Not yet," a little voice blew into his head. The brown one would have given himself a slap if Levi's fingers had not taken his chin between his fingers to hold him in place and force eye contact. The young man shivered as he felt the gentle burning of Levi's fingers on his skin:

        -And I’ll keep proving it to you until I die.

The young man blinked several times, not sure if he had heard correctly, even though he felt his Omega instinct purring with happiness..:

        -What… What do you mean ?

        -That I will personally take care of your protection.

Eren’s eyes opened wide :

        -What?

        -Am I not the best placed ? I already protected you and were satisfied.

The brown one opened his mouth, he needed more air. It wasn't possible, he must have been cursed. There was no other explanation. The Alpha he found handsome and attractive would stay with him to protect him? Seriously? Fate was against him... Moreover that Eren was a young Omega who still had difficulty to control his instincts and his pheromones at times... Then with an Alpha which made him so much effects... He was really going to have trouble...:

        -Get dressed, I’ll take home.

He didn't have to repeat it. Eren picked up his clothes from the night before and went to the bathroom. The Omega desperately wanted to go home and get away from all this. He tried to calm down when he heard knocks against the bathroom door:

        -Meet me in the hall when you're done. It is at the bottom of the stairs that you will find following the corridor to your left.

        -O-Okay.

Damn it, damn it! Five minutes ago, he was angry with Levi and it took a few words and a simple touch to make him completely harmless. What would it do if Levi used his pheromones on him? The brown one looked up at his reflection and wondered, how did he get there? How was he gonna handle that? How was he gonna keep that from his sister? How could I hide from him that a member of the mafia was now protecting him? And not just any member, the executor of Survey Corps. What would Mikasa think if she found out? Would he be arrested for association with an organized gang? The young man took a deep breath to calm himself. He had never had panic attacks, but if he didn't calm down, he was sure he was going to have one. And it wasn't the time, not at all. The Omega had to concentrate, he had to have clear ideas to react quickly when needed and to make the right decisions to ensure his return home. Levi had said he was going home, but he didn't know how much he could trust him. Maybe the Alpha lied to him and was going to lock him up somewhere to take advantage of him. Eren finished dressing, slowly opened the bathroom door, noticed that he was alone and rushed to the bedside table to get his phone. He had received a message from his sister. She had not yet returned from her night patrol because there was a problem at the station, but nothing serious according to her. Eren sighed with relief, he had a little time to get home before he had to justify himself. But now he had to hurry back to Levi to take him home. He quickly crossed the room to reach the door and open it on the fly before throwing himself into the corridor. The brown boy followed Levi's instructions and found the stairs to the large hall without any problem. He found the black-haired man at the bottom of the stairs, talking with Erd and Gunther.

Eren slowly went down the stairs, as a precaution, and slowed down further when the trio turned their attention to him:

        -You know what you have to do.

The two Betas nodded before going out by the front door. The brown one swallowed. He always had trouble managing Alpha's full and complete attention on him but now that he knew Levi was the mafia's main assassin, he was terribly anxious to be the object of his full attention:

        -Are you ready ?

        -Yes.

Eren’s voice was clearly uncertain and weak:

        -Perfect. Gunther went to get the car.

The brown boy nodded before staring at the magnificent floor of the hall:

        -Are you okay?

He was probably referring to his wrist :

       -… Yes. Yes.

Levi's tongue clacked into an unsatisfied sound:

        -Don’t lie to me.

The hand of the black-haired man grabs the jaw of the Omega to raise his head enough for them to look at each other:

        -I don’t like liars, Eren. I punish liars. Do you want me to punish you?

Eren swallowed as his cheeks began to burn. If he had first thought about torture, because he had no doubt that Levi had to torture people, he quickly changed his mind. The perverse glare in the other man's steel eyes indicated to him that it was not torture... At least not of the bloody kind :

        -No.

        -No who?

        -No sir.

        -Good boy.

The Omega shivered. He liked the nickname too much. And he was, once again, happy to have satisfied the Alpha. And once again, he felt like hitting himself to get his ideas straight. So yes, Levi was handsome. Yes, Levi had proven his ability as a protector. Yes, the Alpha's pheromones impacted him far more than any Alpha he'd met and made him want to let Levi take care of him, in every sense of the word. But he wasn't supposed to listen to his instincts! Levi was dangerous, lethal and an important member of the mafia. No Omega deserved such an Alpha, because being with him was like putting himself in danger. Eren wasn't stupid, Levi's enemies would go after his Omega to get to him. And the young man refused to become a moving target! The castle door opened on Gunther, interrupting Eren's thoughts. He would have turned his head towards the newcomer, but Levi's hand stopped him, maintaining their eye contact:

        -The car’s here, boss.

The Alpha released its prey and stepped back:

        -Perfect. If you’ll bother.

Eren didn’t make him repeat it and moved towards the Beta which held the door for him :

        -Thank you, he said softly.

        -Please.

Daylight gave a whole new look to the stone structure. And the young man could see how beautiful the castle was. He wasn't really that scary. Erd opened the car door for him:

        -Thank you.

        -You’re welcome.

The brown one silently climbed into the same car as the night before and took the same place. He laid his hands flat on his lap. He had to calm down, especially since if he trusted Levi's words, no one here would hurt him, on the contrary. He concentrated on his breathing to try to calm his anguish and fear. He hardly realized that now he was definitely linked to the mafia because of his Omega nature. The bench collapsed slightly under the weight of a new arrival. Eren easily recognized Levi's smell:

        -Come here.

The brown one saw the blindfold and chose not to resist, he wanted to go home as soon as possible. The Omega closed his eyes to let the black-haired man tie the blindfold around his head to hide his eyes and he didn’t move:

        -That’s good, Levi whispered.

The brown one bit his lip. He shouldn't show that he was happy:

        -In the city center Gunther.

        -Yes boss.

And the car set off. Eren instinctively searched for Levi's hand. He still didn't like having his eyesight blocked. Fingers were tied to his:

        -I’m here.

The brown boy squeezed his neighbour's hand and relaxed a little. The journey seemed as long as the day before, although he felt a little less stressed.

  The blindfold was removed from Eren's eyes and he could see that the car was parked in the parking of the grocery store where he went shopping every Sunday morning. That's when the market was also held, not far from the grocery store:

        -What are we doing here?

        -One, I need to check that the perimeter around the tea salon is secure. Two, you need an alibi for your sister, right? Then tell her you got out early to go shopping.

Ho… Yes. That was a good idea:

        -Do we agree that you won’t tell anyone about this?

Eren swallowed before nodding. He wouldn't say anything. He had to think of his sister. Even if she were a police officer, she couldn't do anything if Levi came after her:

        -Good, said the Alpha.

Levi stuffed his hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and Eren contracted when he saw the leather harness that allowed the Alpha's weapons to hold along his ribs. The dark-haired man took out his wallet and handed a $100 bill to the Omega. The latter blinked, uncertain:

        -For your groceries.

        -I…

        -You don’t have your wallet on you.

Yes, it was a fact. Last night, he was kidnapped without taking his wallet. Eren's fingers slowly grabbed the money:

        -I’ll… I’ll pay it back.

Levi's tongue clacked in a disapproving sound:

        -Stop talking nonsense, go shopping and go home.

        -But…

        -Now.

The brown one jumped in front of the authoritarian tone used. He opened the door, got out of the vehicle and slammed the door behind him. The car soon set out again. Eren watched it go away and wondered what he should do now. Shopping for his alibi, yes, but then what? Levi had told him that he would always be in his shadow to protect him, but he had never needed anyone, except his sister, to protect him, it was not now that it was going to start. And even if he was going to have to fight against his instinct which seemed to adore Levi a little too much, he would do it, to preserve his dignity and his independence. The young man stuffed the money in his pocket and headed for the entrance to the grocery store. He took a basket and began to walk through the shelves while asking himself a whole bunch of questions. What was going to happen now? Eren froze, and if Mikasa arrested him the second he set foot in the apartment? What if she already knew everything? The anxiety returned in force and the young man began to tremble. He didn't want to go to jail. Who knows what happened to the Omegas in prison? He didn't want to be raped, especially since he was still a virgin...:

        -Are you all right?

Eren turned his head to see an old lady, A Beta:

        -Y-Yes.

        -Are you sure about this? You’re shaking…

The young man swallowed:

        -It’s just… I… I’ve been thinking about something bad and I’m flush… Sorry…

        -Don’t apologize, young man. We all have our ups and downs. Take care of yourself.

She gently stroked his back before moving away. Eren turned his attention to the pieces of meat in front of him. Maybe Levi would reduce him to that if he told anyone about last night... Especially his sister who was a cop. The tremors returned and the brown forced himself to control his breathing to calm himself. Then he concentrated on what he needed for the tea salon and the apartment. He gradually calculated the amount of the bill to come, trying to take only the strict necessary not to abuse the money that Alpha had lent him. The cashier made the big eyes when she saw the 100 banknote but accepted it anyway. Eren stuffed the change in his pocket before leaving with his two shopping bags. Levi's car was nowhere in the parking, so he took the path home on foot. After a few meters, he wondered how he could get home without his keys, which he had left behind the counter the day before... Turning at the corner of his street, Eren stopped. Who was that suspicious individual camped against the living room door? The brown boy swallowed before advancing slowly while praying that his "bodyguard" is not far away:

        -Hello ?

The stranger turned to him and handed him… His keys:

        -We delayed your sister. Do what you have to do so she doesn't suspect anything.

And he left. The Omega remained completely immobile to stare at his keys. He had difficulty integrating a new aspect of his life: he was indebted to the mafia. And thanks to his Omega nature, he would still be under his control from now on. In the movies, being indebted to the mafia meant repayment at one time or another, and Eren had almost nothing, so how to repay? And being connected to the mafia often meant being loyal and faithful to the organization. He did not have a strong taste for illegality and his sister was a policewoman, so it was difficult for him to imagine taking the oath...  The brown one sighed, he couldn't change anything to his current situation, so he tried as hard as he could to keep up appearances in front of his sister to spare her from being involved in this dirty story. He turned the key in the lock and froze again when he saw the scene. The tea salon was totally clean. There was no indication of the events of the previous day. There was no more blood, no more bodies, no more bullet holes. Nothing. It was as if no double murder had taken place here. But Eren's mind knew the truth, and he could perfectly see the fall of the bodies and hear the sound of the shots exchanged. His heart began to beat in his ears, louder and louder and his breathing became faster and faster. The tremors soon arrived and he would have collapsed to the ground if a voice had not pulled him out of his state of shock:

        -Eren !

The boy turned his head towards the voice and sighed with relief. It was Mikasa. When she was at his level, he hugged her with all his strength:

        -I’m fine, Eren. I’m fine.

The brown one always worried a lot about her sister when she was on the field. And even more after what happened yesterday. Eren was really reassured to see that Levi had not touched his sister. Levi had kept his word:

        -Are you all right ?

        -Y-Yes.

        -Are you sure ? I can feel you’re scared.

        -I… I’m not reassured when you’re on night patrol…

Mikasa tousled his hair:

        -Everything went well. The night was pretty quiet and it wasn't a major incident this morning.

Eren was so relieved:

        -Everything went well on your end ?

The brown one swallowed. He had to quickly find a lie. He had to lie to his sister... to a police officer...:

        -Euh… Yes. Yes. I cleaned the tea salon from top to bottom last night. And this morning, I went shopping.

        -And you haven’t showered since yesterday?

        -… No. Why ? Why ?

        -Because you stink of that dwarf Alpha.

That's what Mikasa called Levi. They didn't love each other. When the two Alphas were in the same room, they would shoot each other with their eyes and try to make the other bend with pheromones. It was always Eren who asked his sister to stop because it made him uncomfortable:

        -Do you know he has a name?

        -I don’t care. I'll get the groceries, go take a shower. You stink.

The Omega could not help laughing and it did him the greatest good. He let his sister take the shopping bags and cross the tea room first:

        -Are you coming?

        -Y-Yes.

The young man gathered his courage and entered the tea salon before locking the door behind him. Eren walked towards the "private" door of the tea salon, leading to their apartment. The brown boy forced himself not to look at the floor on which he stepped as he walked past the counter. He remembered perfectly that one of the two Betas had died... :

        -Are you sure everything’s okay? You seem tense…

        -It’s… It’s nothing. I’m just thinking about what I need to prepare for tomorrow.

        -It’s still early Eren. Try to think of something other than your work at least until this afternoon.

The young man nodded, it wasn't going to be very difficult. There were a lot of things going through his mind right now. Like not letting yourself be overwhelmed by fear and panic for example. Taking a shower was the best thing that happened to him since this morning. Well... Almost. The warm water running through his body was slowly but surely relaxing his muscles, tense with fear, anxiety and stress since last night. He used to put his hands on his skin to wash himself but he couldn't rub hard where Levi had touched him... His instinct was to keep a trace of the Alpha. Eren finally sighed and stopped fighting his instincts. The Omega was drying his hair when he heard his phone ring. His jaw failed to touch the ground and his eyes almost went out of their orbits when he saw the name of the person calling him..; « Levi A. ». Since when did he have his number? The young man answered trembling:

        -Hello?

        -Have you arrived safely?

        -Y-Yes.

        -Perfect. Is your sister with you?

        -She’s here, yes.

        -Perfect. I’ll stop by tomorrow. Have a nice day.

Eren had no time to answer anything since the Alpha had already hung up. The brown boy stared at his phone for a moment without saying anything. How did he get his number? And how did he save it in his repertory? Did the mafias have any contacts in the phone business? If it did, why didn't you just track his phone and find out where he was instead of calling him? :

        -Who was that?, Mikasa asked through the bathroom door.

"Oh nobody. Just Levi. You know, the executor of the mafia Survey Corps," thought Eren. He definitely couldn't tell that to his sister:

        -He definitely couldn’t tell that to his sister.

        -Nobody.

        -You know, if you want to tell me it's none of my business, you can. I promised to respect your privacy as much as I could and I would keep my word... To a certain extent...

The Omega looked up to the sky:

        -It was really nobody. Don’t worry about it.

The brown one finished drying his hair before leaving the place to his sister. He took something to nibble on, after all, he hadn't eaten this morning before he sat on the couch and stared at his phone again. Why did Levi call him? Eren began to bite his lower lip. He was curious, he wanted to know, but was it a good idea to interrogate a mobster? Probably not. Then, reluctantly and with all his will, he put his phone in his pocket and turned on the TV to occupy his mind. At least, to direct him towards something other than "Levi". Mikasa took over from the television when she finished her shower:

        -How was your day?, he asked.

At first, the young Alpha never talked about her work with Eren, but over the months, she eventually needed the attentive ear and gentleness of her brother's Omega to overcome certain cases. Today, although she didn't give Eren any details, she talked a little more about certain investigations, even going so far as to give her brother her own conclusions. And when the brown one asked a little too many questions, Mikasa answered him this:

        -The less you know, the safer you are.

Masterlist

© 2018 - Happy Umbrellla - All Rights Reserved. No reposting and/or modifying of any form on any media is allowed. No translations allowed. 

[caughtred90]

Today, well I guess I cut my sister out of my life..... That's not what I set out to do. I guess that's just what ended up happening. I can't really articulate it, but since she wanted to be sure I show my daughter the texts I'll put them down here.

Me:

Hey, I had wanted to wait and have this conversation in person but with (nephew)'s Birthday coming up I have to get it out there. (My daughter) has cried over you a few times. The most recent she sobbed asking why you don't love her as much as she loves you. I’m done with that and at this point, to protect Anna, the only thing I know to do is step away. I would rather her be angry at me then continue to be hurt. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into getting us and our families to be closer. It just hasn’t gone anywhere. If it was just me it wouldn’t matter as much, but my kids don’t deserve it. (My daughter) has adored you since she was born. She’ll adore you for the rest of her life. People that you choose to invest so much time and energy into… trust me you can’t say the same. I’m really not sure if the things you do are intentional, careless or subconscious. I hope one day you figure it out. The girls and I will always love you, but we have to step back.

Her:

I have to say being told that your sister has to" step away from you" doesn't hurt any less than the first time. This message is a completely unexpected blow. I had no idea I was making (my daughter) cry. I have no way to know that and I fact I am upset that no one notified me that this was happening! I in no way would ever want her to think I don't love her. I love you and (my daughter) and (my youngest daughter). You are my family, not an investment. I'll love you no matter what even if I don't feel the love back. I want you to tell me what I have done to cause her so much hurt. I honestly can say I have no idea what I have done to her. I want you to tell me. Because you are not just making this choice for Anna. You are making this choice for (my nephew) and (my niece) and me and (her husband). You are making a choice to step away from us for something I have no idea that I did! And now I will have to hear (my nephew) cry and and hear him ask why he can't go over to your house and see (our rooster).

Me:

I'm sorry to hear it's a blow, but it would probably be worse if it wasn't. I didn't make this decision in a snap. It's been a long hard one that's cost me sleep and tears. (My daughter) has begged and begged and begged for you to include her. Include her in everything, include her in anything. She's done that for years. The last few years I've tried to throw as much as myself into the effort as I can. The effort is almost exclusively one way. I've made excuses for it to (my daughter) but she sees. She sees the camping trips you go on, the parties, and get togethers we weren't invited to. She sees the collection of family posts on that she might just be in one. She sees all of it. Like I said, I've invested as much as I can into having a more normal relationship with you. It just hasn't happened. Recently, I found self harm marks on Anna. I cannot put her emotions on the line. Not for anyone.

Her:

The last time I talked to you I invited the girls over and you said they couldn't. So you are not being involved in my family anymore because for years you have tried and tried but I just don't include (my daughter)?

Me:

After her birthday you didn't make any effort to apologize to her. Even if you thought you were in the right, even if you didn't know she cried, that was hard for even me to explain. I had to come to you. (My daughter) begged me to apologize to you. Even though she didn't think I was wrong. I'm not going to go over all the ways you slighted her. It's not about being wrong or right. I'm stepping away because it's the only thing I know to do right now to spare (my daughter's) feelings.

Her:

So you are stepping away from us because I didn't apologize after her birthday? You took her phone away. I always invite her you always say no I have all of those if you would like. But you seem to have made up your mind. I'll let my kids know that you have decided to step away from us and thought that we didn't deserve answers. At this point I can't put up with you deciding we are unworthy of you all the time. And then what? we can come back when we have proven our worth?

Me:

Instead of finding fault in others, your energy could almost certainly be better spent on self reflection. I've explained what I'm doing and why.

Her:

Your the one finding fault in me not the other way around. you are making the wrong choice I hope you know what you are doing. It is a very childish and selfish choice. My kids will not know you and you do not care because I unintentionally made (my daughter) cry on two occasions. Or by your word for years I love (my daughter) and I hope you show her these messages. How easily you toss us aside like we are nothing. FYI (my cousin) and (my aunt) and (my other cousin) didn't invite you to anything either you are not "stepping back from them" just me as usual (my daughter) loves (my cousin) just as much. I am always the one to try and include you and invite you to things. You always say no.

Me:

Maybe I am all the things you say I am. Idk. I do know I'm doing the best I can in an overwhelming shitty situation. I also know that only one of us is mad.

Her:

I didn't say you were anything and please don't speak for me I am not mad I am very upset that my sister is removing herself from my life. Do you blame me for being upset? I think you are not doing the best in a shitty situation. I think you are making a long term choice over something that could have been handled in a mature way. Not just saying I'm done with you. I would like to know (my daughter) thoughts is she wanting to cast me out? Just me not anyone one else? Or is it you?

Me:

Ok, now I'm going to stop you right there because this has gone far enough. What I'm doing is for the mental wellbeing of my daughter. Which seems to be less important to you than how it makes you feel. I mentioned my distress, (my daughter's) distress, and even her self harming.... All that you've talked about is how you feel and what a selfish and childish decision I've made. If you think that you have no fault, that I'm making an erroneous decision then so be it. Maybe instead of trying to argue over something that the only thing should feel about is concern, you might take that finger and try pointing your way. Ask yourself what you could have done better.

Her:

Ok I'm beating a dead horse. I'm not pointing a finger you are. Your the one who is making this choice so therefore you are pointing the finger. I'm making points because it just doesn't make sense. I had no idea she was so upset every time I see her she never says anything. I'm not a mind reader. And the fact that you are cool with the rest of the family is a little weird to me as well. They don't invite her but they are ok but I am a horrible person you have to separate from? Was I just supposed to roll over and say I'm sorry? I'll do better next time? Perhaps you should do some self reflecting and say when my daughter was so distressed I should have had her or myself let her know what was going on so I at least had a chance to do something. If you are not being my family anymore because you don't think I apologized good enough to (my daughter). Then I guess I have no choice to let it happen but I hope you show her these messages and that I would never have done this to her, (my youngest daughter) or my kids and I won't let her out of my life or (my youngest daughter) ever and definitely not without a fight. I will always fight to have them know me and for them to be in my family.

Me:

My god. I promise I'll show (my daughter), at a time that I'm not worried about her cutting herself when she gets upset. Trust me, I'll be doing plenty self reflection. If it makes you happy I'll do twice as much as I already do every damn day. I hope you do the same. There's so much subconscious trauma and bs that your spraying out in these texts it's scary. It's even scarier that you can't pick up on it.

Her:

Same to you. I hope she gets the help she needs. But don't blame her cutting on me. I didn't know.

Me:

Literally never blamed you, wtf is wrong with you (sister's name)? Seriously now, like dead ass wtf is going on?

Her:

You are stepping away from me tho to protect her from cutting so what am I supposed to think? Ok well have a good life (my name) I'm sorry my family doesn't live up to your expectations. We will do some self reflection and try to do better next time.

Me:

My god (sister's name). I legit am so disappointed in you. I mean.... I don't even know what to say I'm literally floored.

Her:

Yea same I literally am disappointed in you. Who "steps away from their family" I'm floored as well

Me:

You somehow made this all about you. Really, it shouldn't have been about you at all. At least not in the way you made it. It wasn't about someone being right or wrong. Your niece is going through some shit and all you can say is I hope she gets the helps she needs but don't blame me though...... That's.....

Her:

You attack me on Facebook and attack me in person but I'm the bad one I'm the one who makes your daughter upset? Ok please stop texting me. I am so hurt. I have never felt more betrayed by a family Member ever

Me:

Are you delusional?

Her: Are you?

Me: Are you drinking? Like, wtf is going on? You're not even making sense! I've never fucking attacked you ever

Her:

You aren't making sense no I am not

Me:

In fact, I've done nothing but try to be there for you. You posted some shit on Facebook that you knew nothing about and didn't even take the time to Google. In this day and age it is so fucking dangerous to spread false facts. Period. You, a witch, should know the power of your words. Do you want me to apologize for correcting you on Facebook? That's what I did CORRECT you. Not attack you. I'm sorry Truly. Now how in the world have I attacked you in person?

Her:

That's what I am talking about right there my information was false? The way you do it is so rude. I had people private messaging me asking what your problem was. I literally took a class on the false information. Maybe you should self reflect. So you can tell me that I am mean and cold but when I say it to you I'm wrong makes no sense. You didn't correct me you made me look like an idiot for no reason. Un called for. Internet trolls are also a recent concern. Thanks for correction. You have no idea how mean you are. Please stop texting me I am very much done with you thinking I am a bad person and you are not. That I need correcting and self reflection but you know everything. I love (my daughter) very much and I hope you can get her the help she needs to help her not cut when things get turbulent. To communicate and reach out and find supply and love in family.

Me:

My god. Ok, keep your private message friends. I'm the one that's rude, and obviously nothing you posted was wrong. I guess goodbye then (sister's name). Live life well, tell (nephew) and (niece) that when they're old enough we'll be waiting.

Her:

They won't know you why would they go see you? Your a stranger

Me:

And you are a very traumatized and insecure person who is obviously very very hurt. But I'm sure you'll take that as a reflection on your character and therefore an insult instead a like and concerned soul seeing you. I hope you find happiness love and healing. I hope you get all the things you want and need. Goodbye

Her:

No I am not. Quit speaking for me. I'm traumatized by my sister not wanting to apart of my family. goodbye then

Me: ok.

I'm still in shock about the whole thing I guess. It definitely didn't go the way I expected. I don't know what I expected really, but definitely not anger. I think from the beginning I was thrown off by the feeling she was focusing on her. I felt like I was telling her some very serious things about her nieces mental health, but that didn't really... Land? Matter? Idk. I didn't understand most of the things she was saying. Her saying she didn't know my daughter was upset about not being included is impossible. Every time we saw her y daughter would tell her she misses her and wants to be included more. I've pulled my sister aside several times to tell her how important it is to my daughter to be included more. My sister would always promise to do so. Then we would see Instagram posts about "family" camping trips we weren't invited to. Picture murals on her walls of "family" without one pic of us. This has been going on for years. She did offer to take the girls to a park one weekend, but they were at their dad's. I didn't say "no." I just said they couldn't that weekend because of that. Other than that I can't think of one time she's invited us somewhere and I said no. I can recall cancelling plans with my cousin because I didn't have the girls that weekend. I don't know if that's what she's talking about. It's extremely difficult for me to reconcile my sister speaking about one of my children so carelessly.

[yong-yong-ma-boi]

bf!haechan

lmao so originally i was supposed to post some svt requested fics that are long overdue but its donghyuck’s birthday so

i’ll post the svt requests laturrrr im so sorry for those who requested it

HAPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY LEE DONGHYUCK

so how would it be to date this savage meme boi?

lee donghyuck is vvv playful, he likes teasing people 

mark, jaehyun, taeyong, mark, let’s just say all nct members

and mark especially 

and you aren’t an exception my dear reader

bc lee donghyuck is a relentless little shit, so expect to be hit with savageness

with no amount of mercy whatsoever

your relationship is based on slander tbh jUST KIDDING

he teases the crap out of you, and sometimes he may go over the line between playful and hurtful, 

but this boy still loves you

but he really doesn’t show it when you’re around other people

he feels like the hyungs would think he’s going soft when they see him with you being lovey dovey 

so when you’re with mark or the others, he keeps the loving to a minimum and just roasts you or anyone

sometimes it doesn’t seem like you guys are a couple, because he doesn’t show much skinship in public and he always roasts you HARD

you’re not a pushover tho reader don’t worry

you’ll give this lil shit a run for his money

“babe, jagiya, baby, sweetie, baobei, tianxin, mi amor, my love, my life, Y/N. why are you so stupid?”

“stop making fun of me for falling down the stairs, hyuck. you should speak for yourself. you’re the reason the sm building had to have double doors”

“i am not.”

“you may as well be”

you guys sometimes team up to roast mark instead when you’re tired of roasting each other poor mark

donghyuck is a lil bit of a cocky shit sometimes

does “im cute and all of you are ugly” ring a bell?

no?

like he’s cute and he knows it, i know it, the fans know it, everyone knows it

but he likes hearing it from you

he likes-no loves hearing you compliment him

even tho compliments are very very rare in your relationship

but that’s what makes it more special

like we all have insecurities buried in the backs of our minds and well, sometimes his resurfaces and it makes him feel bad about himself

and it affects him so much

when that happens he’s quiet and he’s emotionless and doesn’t reply 

and his insecurities make him feel like he’s not good enough to do what he wants to do, to be who he wants to be

that’s why he keeps to himself, because he feels unworthy of the things he has

but you always reassure him that he’s worth it

that he’s so special, so talented, so handsome, and he deserves everything coming his way

and he shouldn’t feel apologetic about that

and that he shouldn’t listen to anyone who thinks otherwise

soooooo i mentioned before that he really doesn’t show much skinship in public

and i think that’s because he’s a lil shyyyyy

because for sure, his members would make fun him

and well, because strangers can see

when it’s just the two of you though

he’s very cuddly

like, sometimes y’all are on the couch with your legs on top of his and both of you sitting on each ends, and he never lets you move your legs because he likes the feeling of them against his

sometimes you’re lying down on his chest, with his left arm around your waist and his right one holding the phone up to his face

lets just say that everytime y’all are together a part of him has to be attached to any part of you 

imagine cuddling with him tho

doing those things i said ^^

huhuhuhuhuhu be my boyfriend donghyuck pls 

what about kisses tho

omg

i imagine your first kiss with donghyuck to be a light peck

and it was so so sudden 

like you were just so cute and your face was so close he couldn’t help himself

and you’re both a blushing mess after you realize what just happened 0_0

anddd it’s cute because he likes pecking you 

he just does it impulsively

not that it’s a bad thing

but it’s a bad thing for your health because everytime he does it you swear you lose at least 5 years of your life

and it honestly happens during moments when you least expect him to do it

like you’re in the middle of a daily roasting session and he suddenly leans in and pecks your lips and goes back to insulting you like it never happened

or when you’re trying to take the frying pan from him because he should rest and you really want to cook

or that time when you were putting on blush and was asking him if it was even on both sides

its not always on the lips though

like you were studying once and he walked by and suddenly pecked you on the cheek and went out without saying anything

only to return with pizza

or that time when you were carrying your groceries inside your apartment and you didn’t know he came over and he says hello by pecking your nose when you’re trying to put your keys on the table beside the door

moving on

dates with donghyuck vary 

you have your fair share of fancy restaurant dates, amusement park dates, movie dates, cafe dates, shopping dates, pokemon go dates, ice skating dates, laser tag dates, picnic dates, study dates

you know what i mean

but you’re favorite kind of date when you’re at home with him and pigging out and ranting about how the character is an idiot and just wearing your pjs smelling like utter crap bc none of you care 

because it’s laid back and you both don’t have to worry about being seen and don’t need to worry about how you look because you couldn’t care less if he looks like he doesn’t know what the hell a shower is

and he doesn’t give two shits if you smell like you don’t know what a shower is or maybe he does. he loves you, just pls, stop being stinky

another thing is i can see that he’s thoughtful but not that often

and it makes it more endearing

and his way is a bit unconventional, but still sweet if you think about it

like, he borrowed your phone and set an alarm 

but the alarm was him pterodactyl screaming

so, all in all, it was sweet of him to help you wake up for your 8am exam but you still want to have functioning ear drums

“did you make it in time?”

“yes i did. thank you, but next time, don’t scream at me pls”

“you’re welcome”

and you don’t notice it a lot, but he really listens to what you have to say he just makes it seem like he doesn’t know 

but on the inside he’s listing everything that comes out of your mouth

‘so she hates pineapples on her pizza’

‘oh okay her science teacher is giving her a hard time. i’ll ask jaemin if he can help her with science’

‘she likes yeri noona’s hair color imma ask where she had it dyed’

‘she likes taeyong hyung’s highlighter, imma ask the stylist what shade it is’

and then you’ll be surprised the next day or week after, he’s gonna bring up what you said 

and it’s honestly so sweet

he’s caring too

like he makes sure you eat well and on time

he even texts you to make sure because he’s killing himself with worry

and when you’re sick he brings soup over and tries to take care of you without catching whatever you have

and when he’s away he always texts you goodnight and tells you to text him if you’re on your way to school or if you’re heading home

or if you’re going out

actually even if he’s in korea or not, he always hast to be notified that you’re safe and sound in whatever place you went to

he even has your friends’ numbers saved on his phone so he can check on you when he’s far away

he even makes them promise to take care of you for him

you shouldn’t know that tho, so keep it a secret

and he always brings you stuff from abroad

sometimes its cute sometimes its random and just plain weird 

sometimes its weird but very useful

and he won’t admit that he got them because he thought of you when he saw it

how can something so evil be so fluffy

so all in all, he may be an evil, cocky, thoughtful, talented,caring, lowkey clingy guy

he’s still a wonderful boyfriend

and dating him?

it’s a damn wonderful long ass ride

[problematic-camren]

Thoughts on Down

This is a long-ass shit, and I’m not forcing you to read. Also, please be reminded that this is just MY opinion. We all have different opinions, and I’m here to simply share my thoughts, and not to convince you to change yours. So please don’t go to my ask pushing your opinion. I already heard yours. I woke up to a bunch of “asks” and I already know that some don’t like it, while some do.

My initial reaction:

• why is this so auto-tuned? Okay, Dinah’s voice sounds like smooth warm caramel on top of a sundae. Why is this so basic? Lauren’s adlibs tho! Why are the lyrics so generic? Oooh WFH melody… It’s gonna be a bop! Wait why is the chorus so blandly repetitive? But it’s not that bad. Why do they sound so alike?

• and picture me with my earphones on listening to the first verse, pre-hook, chorus and shit with a pensive look on my face, and disappointment running through my head like damn I wanted more…

But then Gucci Mane came in, (and I know I’m the minority in this one), but for me, the first authentic reaction the song elicited from me was his part.

Why? Because his part was so off and out of nowhere that it took me out of the rut I was in. Like imagine a flat line where the song was just monotonous, like a car cruising on a smooth freeway (not bad, but also kind of boring) but then you run into a pothole and you get jerked off your stupor…

That’s what gucci’s part was for me. A tiny spike on that flat line. A deviation that held my attention. I’m not saying it’s amazing. I’m saying that the grating sound of the bass and the randomness of it was what made me smile while listening to it. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I was smiling the whole time I was listening to that weird bass with a tiny bit of goosebumps on my skin because I knew then that I COULD like Down without lying to myself. It was the only thing that caught my attention, aside from Lauren’s adlibs (which, girl, I wish she did more. I live for Lauren going offffff)

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so done with these collabs with rappers, like I wanted to hear them alone, like they did with Boss (idc if you say that one is trash lmao, Boss is a bop for me. I fucking love that shit 😂), but if they really have to collab with rappers, I wish it wasn’t Gucci. Maybe Chance, or Migos damn…

But if it were up to me, I wish they would have collabed with female rappers. I still am salty that NTKG wasn’t utilized much. A missed opportunity with Missy Elliott like bitch you had to release TMG over NTKG? NTKG was at least more authentic with the sound it’s trying to project. It was old school and it owned it. Like Voicemail was reminiscent of 90’s bops and not lacing it with today’s trendy dancehall or tropical vibe. It has its own sound, and not a mix of everything generic we hear today where we hear a song and we automatically hear the edm producers more than the artist.

But OMG I digress, sorry.

So yeah, DOWN…

So after my initial reaction, I gave it a couple more listen, and then I watched the live performance, then I slept, then I woke up the next day and I listened to the audio a couple more times, watched the live several more, and here’s my conclusion:

• Down is that kind of a summer bop which grows on you. It’s not a bad song. It’s simplistic but also season-friendly. It’s probably what the label insisted on as their first release.

The reason why it probably feels lacking for me, aside from its repetitiveness, is that maybe it lacks another verse. It’s shorter than WI and WFH so it feels incomplete. There must be a reason for it. It could really be just a teaser.

• at this point in my 5h-stanning life, I’m not even expecting anything mind-blowing. All I want is for 5H to slay the charts, because this should be their era. They seem genuinely happy now and my god after everything they’ve been through (label shit and all), ALL FIVE OF THEM deserve our unwavering support.

• Sure, Down isn’t what I expected. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted more lyrics. I wanted a kickass sound. But, idk man, after several repeats, I think it’s a good enough bop.

• with regards to the vocals, I still hate the auto-tuned shit. I get that maybe they’re finally utilizing Lauren’s range, but I prefer that they don’t auto tune much because I could barely hear her rasp (which was still obvious in her live performance, despite the higher tone she’s using).

Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, making them sound the same as a symbol of their new sound’s “cohesiveness”, but I prefer old 5h where their voices are uniquely different.

• and I’m not even complaining that it sounds like WFH. I don’t have a problem with an artist using a tried and tested formula for ONE of their album’s single. It’s meant to hook the audience. It gives them that familiar sound which could make a NON-FAN recognize their older hits and draw them to the new one. Just because they said “NEW ERA” doesn’t mean that they should change their ENTIRE sound. There’s always that one or two singles that are meant to hook the general public. It’s a constant compromise a mainstream artist makes with their label.

(I mean, The Chainsmokers basically generate the same sound over and over and they’re charting as if they created music. And no, I’m not a big fan of the chainsmokers.

Point is, re-using WFH is not something unheard of. It’s a business move.)

You really can’t please everybody. Because when Lady Gaga released an album that felt authentic for her, some people criticized it and kept saying they wanted the old “Bad Romance” Gaga. When Lorde released her new single, Green Light, her hipster fanbase called her a sell-out and didn’t like that she’s deviated from her “sound” to be more mainstream and I was like bitch can’t an artist explore a different side of her artistry?

And on the flip side, can’t an artist use their old sound? My point is, Down was produced by the same people who made WFH for a reason. They are playing safe. They wanted a single that would generate enough attention like their previous ones did. Then maybe, just maybe, their next singles which probably showcase their authentic sound and lyrics will have as much impact since now people are paying attention. Because no matter how much we want them to be authentic, they’re still a girl group under a greedy ass label who needs them to maintain what their idea of a girl group music and image should be..

And while Down is not something I’m particularly excited about, it’s starting to get stuck in my head, and I don’t hate it. It’s a light summery chill song that’s good to play with your friends while sipping on your drinks by the pool. It is what it was supposed to be.

I get it, I was disappointed too. Down is a downer. But I’m not gonna judge the whole album with one single yet. I’m gonna wait.

This is why I wrote this one before Down was released:

https://problematic-camren.tumblr.com/post/161338803713/5h3

Because I knew that I wasn’t expecting much from their music. I sure hope for more, definitely, BUT stanning 5H isn’t always about their music.

And just because I don’t like a few of their songs, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my support.

I’m supporting 5h because they represent girls who are not a standard definition of what society thinks a girl should look like or how they should act like. They symbolize us. They showed us that one can achieve their dreams through hard work, and while they have been mistreated before (by their label and by fans alike) they still kept their heads up high, with grace and maturity, and kept on spreading love and inspiration, and they kept on smiling even if their hearts were breaking. They kept striving to be the best they could be, and it’s inspiring. And to see genuine warmth from these pop stars, their love and appreciation for their fans, is something that makes me wanna stan them forever. That’s why even if i really don’t like their music, I’d still keep on stanning them, because what they shared to us, the representation they gave us, the beauty and poise they all showed us, man, even if they fucking screeched for an entire album, I’ll be fuucking putting that on loop and still support their asses.

And I know it’s blind support, but I knew what I was getting into when I started supporting 5h. I wasn’t a pop person before this, I knew I won’t love their music so much. I stan them because I like them, plain and simple.

And I know it’s different for everybody. It’s all just a matter of preferences. Some could unstan just coz they don’t like the song, and that’s totally okay. We’re free to stan or unstan whoever we want. But like I said, it’s just one song. Let’s wait for the other singles and the album.

Ideally, I would love for them to show us everything they have as artists. This is their chance to go big. They have so much potential and I would have liked to see it shine while they’re still in the group. I want the brand Fifth Harmony to leave a lasting mark in this industry. I want them to be on the same spot as TLC or SG or DC. I want them to legit deserve their title.

And Down is not it. But guess what? Down is just one single. I’m gonna wait patiently for the rest of their stuff. I ONLY NEED THAT ONE CLASSIC HIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO THEM. ONE CLASSIC SONG THAT WOULD STILL BE PLAYED GENERATIONS LATER BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO DAMN RELATABLE AND HEARTFELT.

That’s all I want. And I hope I’ll find that in 5H3.

Yes, Down is empty.

But I won’t unstan just because of one song. We can be disappointed (as I sure was), but I think that 5H is worth more than a few musical disappointments.

💁🏻

[bobafetts-princess]

Life in the Fast Lane Pt:2

Hey! So I know it’s been a minute so I’ve posted the first part of this story, but this weeks been crazy. My classes started and my boyfriends sister and her two kids moved in with us and I haven’t had as much time to write as I want to. I’m working on it and have the next couple parts written out, they just need edited, so hopefully I’ll be posting a little more often!

Pairings: OMCxReader, Future Dean/Sam/CasxReader (You’ll find out!)

Warnings: Cursing, Emotional Reader, emotionally and mentally and physically abusive relationship, drug use, alcohol consumption, unsafe driving abuse denial.

Word Count: 2906

A/N: Part two is here! Hope y’all like it :)

Tagging @but-deans-back-tho @deanscolette @kittenofdoomage@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @abaddonwithyall @ruby-loves-supernatural@ilostmyshoe-79 @ohmysupernatural @obsessedwith-dean-castiel-sam@oriona75 @just-a-supernatural-smut-blog @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid@littlegreenplasticsoldier @lovemydean-o-saur

The apartment door slammed as you fell against it, phone in hand, Patricks number pulled up on the screen. You knew you should text him so he wouldn't get angry that he was worried about where you were at, but you wondered whether he even noticed that you were gone. Regardless though, you knew that you should let him know you got home safely, and how. If the situation had been reversed, you’d want to be sure that he’d got home. Opting for a text message instead of a phone call, you didn’t figure that he’d hear the phone ring anyways, you let him know that your coworker had taken you home. 

The cocaine from a few hours before was starting to wear off and exhaustion overcame you. You stumbled to your bed in the tiny one-bedroom apartment you barely afforded every month, slipping one of Patrick’s t-shirts on as you climbed under the covers. Sleep overcame you, delving you into a world of nightmares and unhappy thoughts. You awoke a couple hours later, thrashing and sweating. Deciding to get yourself a glass of water, you got up and headed towards your small kitchen. You glanced towards the clock, noting that it was a little after 3 A.M. and you’d left the party about four hours ago. You were starting to wonder whether Patrick had gotten your message when a loud banging sounded on your door, causing you to jump. 

“Y/NNNNNNNNNN!!!! Open the fucking door!!” A loud voice that sounded a lot like Patrick’s came from the other side. You ran, knowing that if you didn’t get him inside, that he would wake all your neighbors and that was more trouble than it was worth. “Y/N! Open the door! We need to have a fucking tal-” He shouted, and you managed to undo the locks and let him in before he finished his sentence. 

“Patrick! Quiet!” You whisper shouted at him. “You’re gonna get me in trouble with the landlord again and I can’t afford to get kicked out!” 

“Oh shut the fuck up.” He snarled at you, curling his upper lip and tossing the hand that you’d placed on his forearm off. “What fucking made you think you could leave without my permission?”

“Your permission? I wanted to come home, I didn’t think I needed your permission to head back to my own apartment, Patrick. I didn’t want to make you leave the party to take me home.” You reasoned. 

“You fucking know you’re mine. You know that I should be involved in all decisions you make. So, yes. You need my ‘permission to come back to your own apartment.’” He mocked, sneering at you. “You fucking left and didn’t even tell me. What kind of a good girlfriend does that?” 

“I did tell you! I sent you a text when I got home. I didn’t call you because I didn’t think you’d hear it, but I did tell you.” You argued back, weakly. 

“What the fuck ever. I thought that you were supposed to care about me but you didn’t act like it. You want to run off and pretend like you don’t have a boyfriend. If you cared about me, you would have stayed at that party tonight. You wouldn’t have left me there like a fool.” He shot back, shooting a hole in your heart. You softened, he was right, you shouldn't have left him there even if you were stressed out. A good girlfriend wouldn’t have done that to her boyfriend. Your head fell and you took a small step towards him. 


“I’m sorry babe. I was stressing out about stuff and I wasn’t handling it well. My coworker, the blonde, and her boyfriend offered to take me home and I took them up on it.” You’d reached out to him while you were talking and he walked into your arms until you mentioned her boyfriend. Patrick stiffened, chest swelling and anger flushing his features. 

“What? You rode home with another MAN?” He shouted, getting in your face and causing you to cower against the side of the couch.

“I mean, yes. It was her boyfriend, I didn’t even talk to him.” You told him, voice coming out as a squeak.


“What the fuck! I thought you were a fucking loyal girlfriend! You’re a slut like the rest of them.” His words cut you like knives and you knew that it would take the entire night to convince him that you didn’t hardly talk to her boyfriend, let alone be unfaithful.

“I didn’t talk to him, Patrick! I wanted a ride home.”

“What the fuck ever. You slept with him and the coworker is a ruse to get me to think you aren’t lying.” He accused. 

“No. Patrick. I promise. The only time I talked to him was when he asked if I needed walked up to the front door and I told him no!” You attempted to explain. 

“Oh! Now more lies come out. I should have pegged you for a fucking liar from the second I met you. Fucking slut and a fucking liar.” He continued to accuse. 

“Patr-” But your sentence was stopped short as a ringing sensation filled your ears and you tried to figure out what happened. The moment you figured out that Patrick slapped you across the face, he made another swing for your jawline. You ducked, but you didn't get anywhere before he grabbed you around the middle and threw you down onto the floor. He straddled your hips, laying one left hook into your ribcage and one right hook into your jaw. You grunted from the pain, and opened your mouth to scream but he cut you off by slapping a large hand across your mouth and nose and whispering, 

“If you scream, it’ll only make it worse.” You nodded, fear filling your body and you weren’t sure what to do. Patrick had never acted like this, and you froze. You wondered how you would ever manage to get away but it didn't matter because he punched you in the eye, knocking you out cold. 

When you woke later, your head and ribs were throbbing and you were disoriented. You sat up, searching for a clock to check the time and you were shocked to see that it was already 7 am. You had to be at work by 9:30 to open the restaurant you worked at and it would take you quite a bit of time to get moving. Stumbling into your bedroom, you noticed Patrick asleep in your bed, and you shuffled around him. A different side of Patrick had shown itself last night and it wasn’t a side you wanted to see again. You managed to get in your bathroom and turn the shower on without him waking up but you weren’t prepared for what you were going to see when you looked in the mirror. A sharp red mark stretched across your left cheek, bruised and swollen. Your jaw was bruised as well, and your lips looked like one half had been to the dentist. You lifted your shirt to see what the damage was there and were thankful that it was only bruised and tender. Your eye was the worst. It was almost swollen shut, and you had the beginnings of a black eye. It was swollen, red, and you had obviously taken a small beating the night before. You hoped that Patrick would be in a better mood when he woke up so the two of you could talk about what had happened. 

You started the shower, letting it heat up as you gingerly undressed, trying to avoid contact with your injuries. As you climbed under the shower spray, the hot water cascaded over your face and body, first stinging and then soothing. You washed vigorously, wanting to rid yourself of the feel of last night and soon the emotions began to overwhelm you and you started to cry. You cried for your past, you cried for your injuries, you cried that you would have to face your regulars at work looking like you’d been in a boxing ring. You cried that your boss would be worried about you, cried that your coworkers would be judging you. You cried for the fact that you felt like you didn’t have a future, felt like you didn’t deserve a future. You cried for your relationship with Patrick because you were worried it was falling apart. You cried until you felt like you didn’t have anymore tears to cry, then you finished your shower and got out. 

Grabbing your makeup bag, you glanced at the clock to see how much time you had left and were thankful to see that you had an hour and a half to get to work. The door opened behind you as you were putting a base layer of concealer and foundation on to cover the bruises and the black eye and you immediately tensed. Patrick slunk in, head hung low and avoiding making any eye contact. “Hey.” He said, voice still rough from sleep. “Are you okay?” He asked, lifting his head a little bit to look at your face. 

“Not really. I have to go to work like this. I don’t know how I’m going to explain this.” You told him, anger and embarrassment swelling in your body.  


“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let myself get like that. I was so angry that you would do something like that to me and I couldn’t control myself.” He seemed apologetic and you softened. Surely he didn't mean to hurt you. “I was drunk and fucked up. I couldn’t believe that you would be unfaithful to me, especially since I’ve done so much for you. That's all.” You softened towards him, you didn’t think that he meant to hurt you. It was a knee-jerk reaction. 

“Patrick, I wasn’t unfaithful. I swear to you. I didn’t even learn her boyfriends name, let alone.” You let him know, not wanting him to think you could be that kind of person.

“You know what, let’s drop it.” His voice hardened. “It’s a new day and you need to get ready for work. I’ll let myself out.” He announced, waltzing in your direction to kiss you on the side of the head, careful of your injuries. “I love you, Y/N.” He said and you almost fell over.  

“I love you too, Patrick.” You whispered, leaning into his small side hug. You melted against him, glad to be in such a good place with him and getting your life back on track. He squeezed you once more before letting himself out of the bathroom and out of the apartment. Looking back in the mirror at the layer of makeup that you had on, you knew it wasn’t going to be easy to hide the marks you’d been given the night before. Sighing, you started on a second layer and your bruises started to look better. You almost couldn’t see them, only if someone looked hard. You layered on your eye makeup, trying to make it look like the black eye was shadowing from the darkness of your mascara and eyeliner. 

When you were finally happy, you moved back to your bedroom to get dressed and Patrick’s smell was everywhere. He must have doused on cologne before he came inside, because your sheets and pillows smelled like it. You wanted to wallow in it, because he finally said those three precious words, but you were running short on time. Grabbing your work clothes, black skinny jeans and a white blouse, you got dressed before heading out the door.

Thankfully Jean’s car wasn't in the parking lot when you pulled up, you weren't sure you could handle her questions today. She was a wonderful woman and treated you like her own granddaughter most of the time, but you weren't sure how to love her back like that. It had been a long time since anyone had cared about you like family and you weren't sure how to handle it. She owned the gorgeous little Italian restaurant that you worked at called Iaria’s. It was named for her her grandfather, who was a first generation Italian immigrants. As you began putting the restaurant together, you wondered who you worked with. There should be at least one other server and a bartender, but you didn’t have long to contemplate who they both were, because your ride from last night showed up along with a feisty brunette named Janice. 

“Hey baby! Are you the opener today?” Janice asked, her words knitting together and sounding more like one solid word than a sentence. 

“Sure am! I’m only here in the morning though, not all day.” You told her, thankful for such a bubbly presence this morning. Patrick was forgiven, but you were still stinging from the events from the night before and you didn’t want to drown yourself in bad thoughts today.

“Hey honey! Good morning!” Your other coworker greeted you and you returned the greeting, refusing to look her in the eyes. 
“What do you need me to get done? You’ve about got everything set up here.” She noted and you sent her off with a task that you hadn’t felt like doing but it didn’t matter because Jean walked in the back door right at that moment. 

“Good morning, my loves!” She exclaimed and you were so thankful to see her. 

“Good morning, Jean!” The three of you answered back in unison. 

“How are you this morning, honey? You look a little exhausted.” She asked, heading in your direction. You averted your eyes, trying to busy yourself with something that didn’t require looking at her. It didn’t work though, as you were bending down to pick something up, she caught you by the chin with her index finger and lifted your head up to look at her. You hissed, her finger catching one of your bruises. 

“Darling.” Her breath caught in her throat as she surveyed your face. She didn’t say anything else, but a look of disappointment crossed her face and she swept into the office to do her morning paperwork. Busying yourself, you finished opening the restaurant and managed to avoid eye contact with anyone else. It took everything you had to get out there and face the first table of the day, an older couple that was invested in you and your life. Jean had told them a little about your past and you knew they cared for you and wanted the best for you. 

“Hey!” They smiled and you waved back, grabbing their drinks and napkins and heading for the table. 

“Hi you two! How are you today?” You asked, giving them both small hugs. “We’re wonderful, my dear, how are you?” She asked, arm resting on your arm. Bev was her name and she’d been coming into the restaurant from it’s earliest days. ‘I’m good!” You smiled, and it was then that you made eye contact with her and she looked worried immediately. 

“Y/N! What happened to you?” She inquired, concerned. “Robby, look at this! She’s been hurt.”

“Beverly.” Came Jean’s strong voice from behind you. “Don’t give our girl the third degree. She’s been through enough in the last 24 hours, I think.” She explained, throwing an arm over your shoulder and hugging you tight. “She needs to know that if she ever needs us, we’re a phone call away. Isn't that right?” She gave Bev a hard look, before sweeping around and heading back to the kitchen. 

“Are we having our usual today?” You turned back to them, attempting to make the situation normal again and you were so glad they nodded yes and asked how your weekend was. The rest of the day passed, without any more regulars coming in and asking how you got injured. Right as you were getting ready to head home for the day, your coworker grabbed you by the arm with one hand and your chin by the other. You flinched, her hand brushing over one of your bruises. 

“I knew it. You wouldn’t look at me this morning and I knew something happened after we dropped you off last night.” Her voice was sad, almost like she was there to witness the events. “If you ever need me to do anything for you, let me know. Have a good day babe.” She offered, sticking a paper with her phone number on it in your hand. You nodded, swallowing hard at the fact that so many people are willing to help you, should you need it. As you waved a goodbye to Jean and the kitchen, you were overcome with emotion that people would help you, and by the time you reached your car, you were in tears for the second time that day. Opening the door, you collapsed in the front seat and let your emotions overcome you before heading home.