it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).
he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?
so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.
both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.
so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.
besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.
sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.
then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.
he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.
and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-
he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).
but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.
and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.
sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.
the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.
hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.
so here we have:
seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger
seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people
not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness
scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.
he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.
and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.
it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.
so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.
he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.
not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.
so, you know, sanji is out of options here.
if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.
besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.
at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.
that's just the way he is.
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
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TW: Pet play, probable OCD for Michael
Sort of a continuation of this post. It can be read as a stand-alone.
“Y-You’re the best kitten” You pant, mind fogged by bliss.
Michael moans in your sex, if he could the kitty ears (a while ago standing perfectly onto that cute, messed up head) would have moved along, standing straight like his tail that is now following the movements of his hip grinding into the air.
“Michael, keep going-“ an awful loud moan comes out, only spurring Michael to go faster, to plug his tongue even deeper, tasting the essence covering your warm walls.
You can hear him rustling with his boxers, pulling them off probably, the wet sound unmistakable. You look under you and see the pink engorged tip of his cock, precum already spilling out; you bet it would taste delicious.
Too bad you can’t think about it more because Michael intensifies his ministrations, the vibrations of his broken moans send a delicious shiver up your spine and you can’t do anything but arch your back and grind into his face. He keeps switching between sucking your clit and slipping his tongue in, drinking your essence like the finest beverage, never stopping, if nothing he gets more aroused by your breathy moans, by the thighs you are trying to keep open with every ounce of self-control you have, but that inevitably close around his head, their plushness making his blood flow even faster to his groin.
How much you would like to caress his head “keep going kitty” you would say, spurring him on, maybe if you pull the leash he would listen to you…
Then you look at each other, blue irises almost covered by his blown pupils, Michael stops and you whine; why all of sudden all this intimacy?
That’s when Michael surprises you, he touches you. The same Micheal that couldn’t go two minutes without washing his hands after caressing you, the same Michael that gagged every time he just thought to put a finger in you, that same Michael is touching, or better seizing your thighs.
A new wave of pleasure runs through your skin, because fuck, you never saw Michael so desperate and even bigger fuck, he never touched you this way.
You feel his hands running towards your hips, man-handling you into what you assumed it is an angle he prefers, and as fast they go to your chest, squeezing and pinching your nipples hard and fast, uncoordinated in his movements like he wanted to do everything he missed in all this time.
“S-slow down kitty, your owner is delicate you know?” A half-hearted laugh comes out and you finally, finally pet his head.
Meanwhile, Michael looks at you like an angry kitten, furrowed eyebrows-
“Ouch! Nasty kitty!” The strong pinch on your nipple was anything but pleasant, you could even feel a cheshire grin on his face; the impulse to choke him between your thighs was strong, but you have the doubt he might enjoy it so you let the idea go.
This little breather doesn’t last long, Michael pulls you towards him (like there was some space between you two at this point) his mouth leaving your sex, cold hair hitting your core making you whine once again.
“Let me finger you, master”
…
How could Michael say that with such a serious face!? You felt like combusting, you don’t know if embarrassment or horniness, because let’s admit it, your big boy Michael acting like your pet made your brain rot since you started all of this.
“Yes, please Michael”
“Not Michael”
“Damn you, nasty kitty, get to work and get your owner off! Better?” Your arm covering your face, no way you’ll let him see-
Too late, he already pulled it away, looking at you with a predatory grin.
“Yes, way better”
Who could have guessed that the guy that was so disgusted by touching you would have turned like this thanks to a pair of fluffy ears and a tail; damn it if only you found out about this sooner.
Michael doesn’t waste a second plunging his slender fingers in and out your sopping hole, the intrusion comfortable thanks to his previous ministrations and God, Michael is making you see fucking stars.
Broken moans flow from your mouth, broken by the intrusion of Michael’s tongue, devouring every single sound you make, nullifying them with his own.
You try in the crazy frenzy of the situation to help him out, you reach out, but he pushes your hand away, too far, his eyes tell you.
A sigh escape, but you can’t complain much with his finger bringing you to such ecstasy.
Orgasm soon takes you both, your lips still slotted together, hard breaths coming out from your noses. You reach for a tissue; after such an intense session this is the minimum you can do, already scared of Michael running to the bathroom scratching his hand clean 'til blood comes out.
He gladly accepts it, kissing your cheek as a sign of gratitude.
You know that later you’ll have to talk about this, for now, you just cuddle in each other arms, unusual soft kisses exchanged.
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