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occult-castiel · 4 years

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The Same Page

This is my @destielsecretsanta2020 gift for @eclypseaf!!! The request was open, but bonus points for Miracle being present. So I wrote some post empty rescue fic!

This one honestly gave me a really hard time and I have no idea why. I hope you like it and have has an awesome christmas!

[Ao3 Link]

The portal spits them out in the dungeon.

Dean stumbles out first, a half step ahead of Cas. Human, malleable, and very much alive with one of the little dude's arms draped over Dean's shoulder.

Cas stumbles forward. Dean shoots an arm out in front of him, places a hand firmly against his chest. He maneuvers his other arms under his trenchcoat, grips his side firm.

His skins almost cool to the touch — much too cold to be safe. Not for a human, especially a brand new one.

And what if he's sick? Or gets sick and can't get better? Without his grace, there's a whole new set of worries. A bad flu that gets worse until he's gone, a hunt going wrong, fucking cancer. Heart disease kills pretty much everyone, doesn't it?

He takes a deep breath and focuses on the gentle thud of Cas' heart against his palm.

The last eight months haven't been easy. Not between the alcohol Sam eventually cut him off from, and the hunts getting sparse, and Jack being terrifying and gone until he wasn't.

Cas lulls his head to the side. His inky heart sticks to his forehead, and his blueberry-sweet eyes are unfocused but still manage to catch Dean's.

It's achingly familiar, and he smiles easy. "Hey there, sunshine."

Cas pinches his brows together as his head swims to stay upright. He slurs through some half-baked, nonsense question about coral reef bleaching, and Dean's so relieved he laughs.

Cas smiles at the sound, dazed and feather-light, but the joy is unmistakable.

It's the best thing Dean's ever seen. Fuck, he missed him. Missed him so much he didn't know what to do with himself.

Cas winces — what little help he was giving Dean in holding him up falls. He makes up the difference quick. Weak fingers curl around Dean's wrist.

"Sorry —"

"S'okay. Gonna —" he swallows hard. Tries to shove away the distinct pin-prick in his tear ducts that always means he needs to man the hell up. "Gonna get you to a bed, okay?"

Cas grunts, a pitiful noise that's mostly air and entirely feeble. "Tired."

"Rest then. It ain't far. I gotcha, buddy."

When he nods, his hair brushes Dean's neck.

It's not well thought out. The lack of work and overload of carbs haven't done Dean's muscles any favors. His joints creak and protest every step, but his room isn't far, and he'd be damned before he let's Cas feel like he has to do anything alone this time.

Miracle hops off the bed the moment the door opens.

Dean lays Cas on top of the bunched up blanket. Once he's down, Dean slowly works the trencoast and suit jacket off, his hands careful as they trail across the thin cotton of his shirt.

Cas shivers, and Dean wrestles to tug the blanket out from under him, Miracle nuzzling the side of his leg the whole time.

She's probably hungry. Or just wants attention. He hasn't exactly been available the last couple weeks, too busy with his nose in piles of research. But it all payed off.

Cas grimaces in his sleep, and it twists the cords in Dean's chest. He reaches his hand out and ghosts his fingers across the sweat-stained hair stuck to his skin, gently pushing it to the side.

He'd said it once, not more than a month ago, in the darkness of his room, Miracle tucked as close as he could get her.

He said he loved me, and I — I didn't say it back. But I do. God I do.

Dean trails his hand from his forehead to the flushed pillow of his cheeks. The other knuckles roughly at his eyes and comes back wet.

He has no god damn idea what he wouldve done without Miracle to talk to. Cause he could never get it out to Sam. Not those last moments. Not what Cas really means to him. Always too close to an edge of something larger than any apocalypse they've ever dealt with.

He traces down low enough to brush across Cas' wrist, the pained look still on his face.

Dean swallows, his heart hammers hard in his throat. Timid even though the guy is unconscious, Dean grabs his hand.

His mind blanks. Turns to complete static — a jumble of half-formed thoughts about every reason he ever told himself not to.

He's an angel. The worlds ending. Always ending. He doesn't feel that way. Can't, the equipment for it's not there. It's why he leaves, isn't it? And what the fuck could ever hope to start when it's all always falling apart? When they could fall apart.

Everyone leaves.

A flash of cold prickles down his back, and he tries to takes a deep breath. It goes down ragged. There was something he read once, about picking out a sense.

Cas' breath, slow and steady. The clink of Mircale's claws on the floor. A muted buzz from the florescent lights in the hall.

He breaths again, a little easier. His fingers curls into Cas' palm, and his finger twitch against Dean in response. The dent in his brows relax, his jaw goes slack.

"S'okay Cas." He squeezes. "Just... be okay."

When his phone rings, dumped and forgotten on the other side of the room, he isn't quite sure how to let go. Like the ligaments in his hand have cemented in place, forgotten the muscle memory to make the movements happen.

When the second call comes through, Cas mumbles something. Dean's shoulder slack, and he pulls his hands back, clammy and with a slight tremor.

It's Sam. There's a small tug of guilt — he should've called him the moment he put Cas down. He knows he would've been worried sick if Sam was the one that had to go.

Sam's relieved too, promises to buy stuff for dinner on his way back from where Dean went in the Empty about fifty miles out. And he must hear something in his voice, because he stresses to go watch a movie or something and let Cas sleep it off.

Of course he's right. They knew Cas would be out cold. But leaving the room is still hard, and he lingers in the doorway until he gets a good look at Miracle's mess of tangled fur.

He hasn't brushed her hair, since that's practically what the fur is, in weeks.

"C'mon girl."

He grabs the brush from the bedside table, casts on last look at Cas, and takes Miracle to the TV room.

She hops on the couch next to him, tail thumping with excitement.

"You wanna get pretty to meet Cas later?"

She nuzzles his hand, sticks her nose against the brush, and a little bit of the stress from today lightens up.

He flips on some netflix show about baking food, and talks to Miracle as he starts in on her snout.

It's ritualistic to touch on whatevers going on with her, at this point.

As her fur smooths, he tells her about the Empty. Its piss-poor lighting, the mind boggling way directions work, how it has this awful burnt-licorice and gasoline stench clung to the nothingness of its everything.

It kinda makes his head hurt.

Almost two full episodes in, he has all her fur neat and tidy, and his little monologue has circled back to Cas. She'd know a lot about him if she could talk.

"It's hard to believe he's really back. And — and maybe it'll be good. We could, I dunno, get you a yard?" He nods, smiles. "Yeah, I bet your spoiled ass would like that. The bunker ain't a place for pets."

Miracle leaps from the couch, and someone clears their throat from the door.

Cas stands in the doorway, hunched in on himself. Dark strands of hair twist up in random directions, and the casual clothes Dean left him fit snugly.

He looks... comfortable. Like he slipped into humanity ages ago, not this afternoon.

"Cas."

He tilts his lips up, tight and sheepish. "I see you have a dog now."

"Yeah. Miracle. She uh — she helped me." He motions vaguely to his head. "Might not be batting a hundred up here if not for her."

Cas glances down at her, and the tense smile softens. "I'm very grateful then."

Almost reverent, he scratches the side of her ear.

Dean shakes his head. Blinks. Two things he never thought he'd see side by side mixed with the insanity of the day make none of this seem real.

Deep breath.

"She can — she can be there for you too," Dean says. "If you need it. Dogs are great listeners. Even the Madonna types like this one."

Cas gives a contemplative hum. "They are both blonde."

He puffs a breath of air. It's easy to forget Cas actually knows what he's talking about now, sometimes. Even if he does still miss the point by a mile.

"It was your turn."

Cas raises an eyebrow.

"To, uh, pick a movie." He motions to the seat next to him. "If you want."

Cas runs his bottom lip between his teeth and doesn't look at Dean. Doesn't say anything either. Just nods, walks over, and sinks into the couch.

It's a respectable distance. Close enough Dean would be able to sense him, far enough away they won't touch.

Miracle curls up on the other side of Cas, head flopped on his lap, right next to his balled up hands.

"Is it over?" His voice is small.

Dean doesn't have to ask. "Chuck isn't aproblem anymore." Cas sighs, slinks down bonelessly into the cushions. "We figured it out, took his powers. Jack's fixing up Heaven with it. Says he's gunna do that, find a way to put Amara back together, and then come home."

"Good. I don't think I'm up to fighting standards." He rolls his head to the side. They're close enough Dean can make out each muscle in his neck when he swallows. "You didn't have to save me, Dean. I'd — made peace with that fate."

It's bullshit. It's bullshit and Cas has to know it. He almost tells him a much, but if he can't have that talk now, then he never will.

He licks his lips. It doesn't help the dryness.

"Did you mean it?"

It's a dumb question, but one he needs answered.

Cas doesn't miss a beat. "That and more." The serenity in his words is endearing as it is cutting when he adds, "But we don't have to address it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

It's Dean's turn to melt with relief. "Good — that's good."

Cas winces. "I understand if you'd like some space —"

He starts to stand up, and panic seizes Dean's chest like a vice grip. He grabs his wrist and Cas freezes.

"No! God no. Cas, it — it wasn't supposed to happen like that."

He looks confused, before some amount of understanding smoothes out some of the worried lines in his face. His eyes flick down to Dean's mouth for an instant. "How was it supposed to happen, then?"

"I thought, maybe on a hunt? Or — I don't know. Just... " some place I could say it back.

Its not good enough, saying it without saying it. Cas gave a speech. He saved Dean's life, saved the god damn world. All without knowing.

He shakes his head. Starts again. He had enough practice between thoughts he couldn't shove away and late night pet-therapy. "I thought you knew. Hell, I've been scared everyone knows. And if they did, you did too, right?"

"Subtly isn't always my strongest suit."

He laughs, and it's almost on the wrong side of sane. "Don't I know it."

He can do direct.

Slow enough that Cas has time to pull back, he runs his hand up his arm, cradles it against the back of Cas' neck. He leans across the small distance and kisses him.

It's clumsy and unsure, and Cas places a skittish hand on Dean's side like he's not sure what he's allowed to have even now, but their lips mesh together in a way that feels better than anything he can remember.

When they part, he's not sure either one of them are breathing. And he can't look at Cas, not when he says it. Not yet. So he presses their foreheads together, keeps his eyes fully lidded.

"I don't know how you could think you aren't worth saving. You — you're it for me."

"Dean —"

He shakes his head, and the tips of their noses brush. "I love you more than I know what to do with. You know that right?"

Bewildered, Cas says, "I didn't."

"Yean, well. Now you do."

He scoots back in place, flushed firm against the cushion. Their hands tangle together, and their knees are touching, and it's too much and not enough. But mostly not enough. Dean dares a glance over. Cas is staring at their hands, a pleased smile on his face.

And they're on the same page.

"I think you said something about a yard when I walked in?"

Instead of answering he says, "We should retire. I'm too old for this shit."

"Entirely?"

Dean shrugs. "A hunt here and there wouldn't hurt I guess."

"We'll talk about it later." He reaches over him, grabs the remote. "I think you said it was my turn?"

Dean grins, full and toothy. "Yeah, just no more romcoms, dude. I can only take so many."

Cas nods, curt and serious. "Of course."

He does anyway, and it's the best shitty movie Dean's ever seen.

#destiel secret santa #sorry this is being posted so late in the day!!!#my internets broken at the moment so it was very difficult to get it up #and i also couldnt run it through any spelling/grammer checkers #hopefully theres nothing atrociously wrong with it #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic

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archertf2 · 4 years

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TF2 Youtuber AU Headcanons

Scout: The Epic Gamer

The True Epic Gamer of our time

Actually isn’t a total jerk

Is really nice to the little 12 year olds that play with him (unless they’re being little shits, then he trolls them)

Streams on Twitch, but prefers to stream and upload vids to YouTube

Uploads almost every day

Will sometimes do different stuff besides gaming just to change it up like meme reviews or browsing Reddit posts

Likes to use clickbaity titles and thumbnails just to mess with his fans

“I ALMOST DIED PLAYING THIS GAME (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL)”

Loves to collaborate with the others and play games with them

Lots of fans talk about how he looks and acts like Spy and he gets really defensive about it

“What are you guys talkin’ about?! I ain’t nuttin’ like dat French baguette!”

Medic: The Medical Guy

Likes to make little informational videos about frequent medical questions and myths and stuff

Also tells very odd stories about the operations he’s done

The story of how he lost his medical license changes every time he tells it

He’s just really strange but we love him anyways

He’s kinda like Dr. House from House M.D. but less of an a-hole

Likes to react to people getting injured and tells people how the injuries should be treated

Also likes to critique unrealistic medical dramas like Grey’s Anatomy and Chicago Med

DO NOT CALL HIM A N*TZI OR YOU WILL GET CANCELLED

Enjoys collaborating with others and contributing to the chaos of some of the others’ chaotic videos

Heavy: The (Heavy) Weapons Guy

CrazyRussianHacker 2.0

“Safety is number one priority”

Loves reviewing all kinds of different weapons on his channel

Likes to review guns the most

Of course, he shows off his Sasha the most because he loves his big ol expensive gun

He has names for all of his favorite guns and weapons

The fangirls/boys always talk about how they want to hug and cuddle him

His fans call him “Papa Heavy”

Doesn’t mind collaborating with the others, but he usually has no idea what’s going on unless it’s one of his own videos

Soldier: The Crazy Politics Guy

This guy is nuts but we love him anyways

He’s like the crazy political uncle, but not as awful

He’s kinda wholesome in a weird sort of way

Just talks about his opinions on politics and such...very loudly

Also tells war stories about “serving his country back in the day”

His titles are usually all in caps

Makes it very clear that he is NOT a Trump supporter

Wants to fight Trump

His fans always type “SOLDIER FOR PRESIDENT” in the comments

He eventually made SOLDIER FOR PRESIDENT merch

Now wants to become the next president

“I THINK I’D DO A DAMN FINE JOB OF BEING PRESIDENT”

Will fight you in the comments if you dislike his content

Sniper: The Living Survival Guide

Most of his videos take place outside

Just shows little hacks on how to survive in the wild or maybe the apocalypse if that ever happens one day

It’s amazing what this man can make out of a paper clip, a string of yarn, and a piece of chewed gum

Also likes to show off his weapons like his sniper rifle and his kukri

Has shown people the art of jarate, but those videos got demonetized

Is actually pretty wholesome despite his tough and stoic nature

A fan once sent him a stuffed koala and it was so sweet, he wouldn’t stop thanking them

He now has that koala in every video

He named him Gerald

Doesn’t mind collaborating, but doesn’t do it a lot because he’s kinda introverted

Spy: The Snobby Critic

Basically like ReviewBrah but more of a jerk

Acts like an actual critic but he really isn’t

He can and will review anything and everything

Books, movies, tv shows, music, you name it!

Isn’t fond of inviting the others to collaborate with him

He doesn’t want his “high quality content” to be ruined by his friends if they say or do something stupid (which they most likely will)

He doesn’t mind collaborating with others in their videos

He’ll only collaborate if he’s interested which isn’t very often

Fans make theories about him being Scout’s dad, but he ignores the comments and never brings them up

Demoman: The Drunk Explosives Guy

Is wasted in just a about every video he’s uploaded

Doesn’t get sponsored or monetized very much because...y’know he’s always wasted

Also swears a lot

His videos are very chaotic and consist of him blowing stuff up

He’ll put a giant ball of tin foil in his microwave for fun just to see if the microwave will explode

Or he’ll put a stick of dynamite in a washing machine just for shits and giggles

Favorite person to collaborate with is Soldier

They’re both very chaotic in their own way so these videos are even more so with the both of them together

Pyro: The Mystery Arsonist

One of those guys who never talks or shows their face

Only uses text in their videos to communicate

If he is on screen then he’s in his gas mask and fireproof suit (like in the game) to hide his identity

Just likes to set stuff on fire

Makes satisfying videos kinda like those hydraulic press videos except it’s burning stuff

Wanna know what happens when you set a unicorn plushie on fire? How about a watermelon? Maybe a flatscreen tv?

Doesn’t collaborate much with the others but sometimes he’ll invite them to join his videos

Is actually a really sweet guy and the fans love him

Engineer: The Wholesome Southern Tech Guy

“Howdy, y’all! Welcome back to another video!”

Always giving that Southern hospitality to his fans

Loves to make little doodads and show them off in his videos

Also does tutorials and videos on how he makes said doodads

Extremely wholesome

Has quite a following of fans who just adore his wholesome southern content

He just makes ya feel so safe and welcome

Doesn’t collaborate much, but when he does he’s a pretty cool dude and likes to have fun

Adding my OC because I can and nobody can stop me:

Archer: The Reactor

She just kinda makes content reacting and giving her opinion on different stuff whether it's new or old

Her main thing is just humorously reacting to weird or stupid (kinda like Cody Ko/Drew Gooden/Danny Gonzales)

She just kinda makes videos on whatever she finds interesting lol

She also does a little gaming on the side to spice things up lol

She’s British so she’s also a meme in herself and makes fun of her British-ness

Loves collaborating with the others

Likes to collab with Scout the most since he’s the most fun

Adores her fans and is appreciative of every single one

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carryonmywaywardcaptain · 4 years

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Imagine...finding out there’s fanfic written about you--and even Charlie ships you with Dean

CarryOnCap’s Masterlist

Warnings: Fluff? Crack? A dramatic fanfic within a fanfic that I got carried away with haha.

A/N: This is kind of ridiculous, but I had fun with it! Also, I’ve never actually seen GoT but it seemed like a reasonable reference from what I’ve heard about it.

“Hey, look who I found!” Sam’s voice echoed through the War Room.

Dean glanced at you from across the table in the library, sharing your surprised expression as you both pushed your chairs away and stood.

“‘Sup, bitches?” Charlie grinned, making her way up the steps toward you.

“Hey! We were expecting you guys to come in through the main door. We’ve been keeping an ear out.”

Charlie stepped into your outstretched arms and pulled you into a tight hug. “It was a spur of the moment decision, but I decided to stick around a day or two longer than planned! Sam said I could go ahead and park in the garage.”

She let go of you and turned to give Dean a hug too. He smiled softly with a look that was uniquely reserved for her, cradling the back of her head while she pressed her cheek against his.

“Good to see you, Charlie. You know you’re always welcome to stay as long as you want.”

An involuntary smile crept onto your face as you watched them. You couldn’t help the way your heart swelled at the low rumble in his voice when he said her name. There was an undeniable protectiveness in his tone when he spoke to her--the sister he’d never wanted, as he affectionately called her.

When you shifted your attention to her, you noticed she was watching you. Before you could decipher the knowing glint in her eye, she suddenly twisted out of his arms and glanced back and forth between you and Dean. She began swinging her arms awkwardly before opting to cross them over her chest.

“You okay?” Dean asked, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah! Of course...Totes chill...cooler than a pack of peppermints.” She bobbed her head and flashed a nervous smile, twisting her hair around her finger as she struggled to act nonchalant. “It’s just that I remembered something. A story I read a while back--completely random. Totally unrelated to anything--I mean, now I’m starting to ramble. Hah! So how’ve you guys been? Still saving the world from evil sons-of-bitches?”

“Uh, yeah…” Sam answered, scrunching his eyebrows together. “We stay busy.”

“So what’s on the agenda tonight?” you piped up, changing the subject.

You were hoping to avoid swapping monster stories for a night. Charlie typically assumed the role of introducing you to popular and noteworthy fandoms during her visits to the bunker and, even if the boys weren’t as vocal, the three of you appreciated her knowledge of all things geeky and nerdy.

“I was thinking Marvel. Y/N, you’re obviously well-versed in the MCU because of your obsession with Steve Rogers--and, you know, clearly you’ve got a thing for the strong, righteous, self-sacrificing hero type. Dean, you could stand to branch out from the Batman references and, Sam, you’ve got this whole Thor kind of vibe going on.”

While Sam and Dean began teasing each other and arguing over “Batman versus Thor,” you gaped at Charlie, wondering what she’d meant by her remark about you having a “type.” You couldn’t help feeling like she was trying to insinuate something, but you shrugged it off and decided maybe it was all in your head.

***

After getting Charlie settled into one of the extra bedrooms, the four of you settled into the Dean Cave and agreed to start with the first Captain America movie.

Last Christmas, you and Sam had teamed up to surprise Dean with a couch for the Dean Cave. He had originally only had two La-Z-boy recliners and you’d found him fast asleep in the stiff old chairs on more than one occasion. Dean had been over the moon about the extra seating and the three of you had rearranged the furniture so the recliners were angled toward the tv on either side of the couch.

“Dibs on this side of the couch!” Charlie said, diving toward the furthest end from the door.

Although it was subtle, you knew there was still something off about the way Charlie studied all of you. There was definitely something on her mind she was trying to keep hidden from all of you.

“You know, we should probably have some snacks,” you said slowly. “Charlie, you want to come help me grab some stuff from the kitchen?”

“But I’m already comfy in my spot.” She frowned, wiggling her hips to make a point of sinking deeper into the spot she’d claimed on the couch. “Why don’t you have Dean help you?”

When you narrowed your eyes suspiciously, Sam cleared his throat. “Dean, why don’t I help you grab some snacks while Y/N and Charlie...catch up, er, whatever…”

You heard the boys leave the room and waited until their footsteps faded down the hall before you started interrogating her.

“Alright, Charlie--what the hell is going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” she muttered, scrolling through her phone.

“Bull. We lie for a living and I know there’s something you’re not telling us. So spill.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “Okay, so remember the Supernatural books by Carver Edlund?”

“Yeah…”

“The series obviously kind of had a cult following when it was in print, right? Well ever since the unpublished works got uploaded, the following has really taken off. Every once in a while a new one still pops up and the fans love them. And you’re in them now too!”

“I’m...what?”

“I mean it’s just insane and totally got sucked into it too. It’s brought on this whole new wave of fanfiction--”

“What’s fanfiction?” you cut in, struggling to keep up.

“It’s fiction made by the fans about the series. Sometimes they put themselves in the stories and write about working cases and fighting monsters with you guys--”

“Why would anyone want to pretend to do this crap with their lives?”

She stared at you for a moment and frowned. “Because you guys are heroes. I mean, yeah, there’s the whole depressing side of monsters and death and trauma and world-ending apocalypses--but you guys save people. You go on these exciting adventures of good versus evil and a lot of times you win. You save people. The fans really look up to all of you.”

Your gaze fell to the floor as you let her words sink in, but she didn’t give you long before she was rambling again.

“But that’s not even the best part! Everyone ships different OTPs--” she paused, noticing your puzzled expression “--uh, one true pairing… So everyone has a favorite couple they think are soulmates and belong together. There’s stories about Sam with Eileen or Jess, Dean with different people--you get the gist. Sometimes they even make up characters or do these ‘reader inserts’ and imagine themselves with the boys or you but, hands down, everyone’s favorite couple they want to end up together is you and Dean.”

“...what?”

Your eyes grew wide. It was hard enough to wrap your mind around the fact that strangers who didn’t know you were a real person were reading about your life, but learning they imagined you in different relationships? You’d never admit it out loud, but had it bad for Dean. And hearing you weren’t the only one that wanted the two of you together...

“I’ve gone deep into the fic and I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner!” Charlie shook you from your thoughts. “You and Dean are perfect for each other. For serious. I usually stick to the fluffy stuff because, you know, your entire life is kind of angsty and I don’t like to read about you guys being in pain or, like, dying...again. Although I definitely have to admit I kind of stumbled into some of the smutty stuff and, wow, that was something else.”

You opened your mouth to ask more questions, but she kept rolling.

“Right, you probably don’t know what that means either. Fluff is the cute stuff that gives us all feels, angst is kind of just what it sounds like, and smut is, well...the sexy stuff.”

“You mean people out there in the world write about me and Dean…”

“Going at it like an episode of Game of Thrones? Oh yeah,” she responded, unlocking her phone. “Here. Here’s an example.”

Swallowing audibly, you took a seat next to her on the couch as she extended her phone toward you. Gnawing your bottom lip, you began reading the words on the screen:

Y/N took a deep breath, holding it in briefly before she exhaled and began walking toward Dean’s room. Ever since they returned from the hunt, Dean had hidden himself away in his room--no doubt blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong.

When she arrived at his door, she raised her hand to knock. She hesitated, almost retreating at the thought of him turning her away, but she had to try. She had to get through to him somehow.

She rapped her knuckles on the raw umber barrier and opened the door of Room 11 before he could tell her to go away.

She spotted him leaning over the sink, staring at his reflection in the medicine cabinet on the wall. His jade eyes flickered to where she stood in the doorway, their reflection somewhat distorted by cracks that spiderwebbed from where he had struck the mirror.

Her heart seemed to drop into her stomach as she imagined him lashing out, knowing he punched the mirror because he hated the reflection staring back at him. Knowing he always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders when he didn’t need to.

Y/N carefully shut the door and locked it behind her--the click of the deadbolt deafening in the silence. Her eyes never left Dean, who refused to turn and face her. She inched toward him, closing the distance until she could reach out and touch him. Gently placing her hand on his shoulder, she guided him to turn away from the mirror. Still, he refused to meet her eyes.

“Dean…” she breathed, voice barely above a whisper as she cupped his face in her hands. “It’s not your fault.”

He squeezed his eyes closed, face contorting with grief and guilt. The ghosts of his past refused to let him go, but she was determined to make him believe that he was worthy, no matter the cost.

Curling a finger beneath his chin, she tilted his head up, waiting patiently for him to meet her gaze. When his dark green orbs finally met hers, she was surprised to see that they were full of longing and desire. They flickered to her lips, making her breath tremble under the intensity of his gaze. Time seemed to slow until it froze altogether.

Anticipation hung heavy in the air as they both struggled against their desire to maintain the friendship they’d always had and the desperate need to finally cross that line. To succumb to the magnetic pull that had always been evident between the two of them.

Dean swallowed thickly before suddenly rushing forward, crashing his lips to Y/N’s as he pulled her into a searing kiss. He wrapped his strong arms around her, trapping her to his chest, afraid it was all a dream and she would soon disappear. But she gladly melted into his embrace, feeling like she was finally returning home, to a place she’d spent her life searching for.

A moan slipped past her lips as he walked her backward, pressing her up against the wall. She gasped, feeling his--

“The snacks have arrived!”

You jumped in surprise, a small gasp of surprise escaping as the boys appeared with armloads of snacks. Confusion and worry painted Dean’s face as he surveyed your flustered expression. Between his scrutinizing gaze and the content you’d practically been caught reading, your cheeks grew warm.

“Did I miss something?” Dean asked.

“Nope,” you responded much too quickly.

Charlie’s phone had fallen into your lap and, when she began cackling, you whipped your head in her direction and flung the phone at her thigh. You grimaced and the two of you had your own silent conversation as the boys spread the food across the bar Dean had built on the far wall.

“I was just telling Y/N how pumped I am about seeing my favorite OTP tonight,” she giggled.

“Your...what?”

Dean’s arm brushed yours as he plopped down on the other side of you. The accidental contact sent a wave of chills over your skin, making you shudder. You could feel his eyes on you again, but you refused to look at him.

“Oh, I’m so going down with this ship,” Charlie whispered under her breath before continuing in a louder voice. “Nothing--nevermind! Don’t mind me, just thinking out loud...”

“It says here an OTP means...one true pairing?” Your eyes grew wide as you looked to where Sam was reading his phone from where he sat in one of the recliners. “So, uh, ‘in the fandom realm, OTP refers to the coupling of characters--usually from the sci-fi or fantasy genres--by fans who think they make a great romantic duo and envision their lives together and share their imaginings with other fans.’”*

Charlie doubled over, beside herself with laughter. With your lips pressed into a firm line, you glanced at the boys to gauge their reactions. You knew there was no way they could possibly know what you and Charlie had been talking about, but that didn’t stop you from worrying about what Dean might think if he ever found out about the feelings you harbored for him.

“So...you’re looking forward to Cap and his girl in the movie? I’m so freaking confused,” Dean grumbled.

“Yeah…” Sam agreed, making his way to the tv. “I’m just, uh...I’m gonna start the movie now.”

“Good idea.” Charlie peered at you out of the corner of her eye. “Plenty of time to read and talk about all those ships later.”

Although you glared at her, trying to hide your amusement, nothing could deter the smug smile etched upon her face. As Sam turned the lights off and you settled in for another relaxing night with your favorite people, one thing was certain:

You were definitely going to have to take another look at that fanfiction.

CarryOnCap Crew (Forevers):

@abswritesfandoms @amanda-teaches @cosicas-cuquis @crist1216 @droidyouseek @emoryhemsworth @ericaprice2008 @flawless-disaster @janeyboo @jenn0755 @ksgeekgirl @maresmiley @memyselfandmaddox @notyourtypicalrose @randomparanoid @rynabarnesrogers @sandlee44 @scarletsoldierrr @shann-the-artist-moon @sheerioasteroidpanda @shynara51 @someday-when-you-leave-me @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @thisismysecrethappyplace @torntaltos @waywardbaby @waywardrose13 @weebid @whimsicalrobots @wintersoldierbaby @wintersoldierissucharide @yesfanficsaremylife

Cap’s SPN Crew:

@adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278 @alexwinchester23 @chevyharvelle @deangirl7695 @dean-winchesters-bacon @fandomoniumflurry @pisces-cutie @supernaturalenchanted @superromijn @waywardnerd67 @x-waywardaf-x

#supernatural imagine #spn imagine #dean winchester imagine #supernatural reader insert #spn reader insert #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fluff #supernatural fluff #dean x read #dean x y/n

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stardew-saloon · 4 years

Note

Weird headcannon request: what would your favorite villagers do in an apocalypse

Listen listen listen. I fucking love anything to do with the apocalypse, especially when zombies are involved. So I’ll write about that !!

This one took a while, sorry ! I wanted to include at least all of the bachelors, and then bachelorettes in another post maybe if I’m not lazy.

Also I follow someone on my other account and I really liked how they like, used different colors to highlight names, so I think I’m gonna do that ! It’s just cute okay :)

Bachelors in the Apocalypse

Alex

Alex thinks of himself as the most ready for the apocalypse. He’s got what he and his family need to survive for months. Food, weapons (Mostly just old baseball bats), clothes, and the Will to Survive.

The zombies probably come from Zuzu city. City people are dumb and get infected right when the virus hits. Everyone in SDV is safe. For now, at least.

Alex, unlike the other villagers, refuses to interact with anyone but his grandparents. He keeps contact extremely limited with people. The only time he ever interacts is when he goes to drop off cookies at Haley’s house, per Evelyn’s request.

He does miss his best friend, though. He misses everyone. He misses that time where he didn’t hear zombies going around the town, banging on doors and smacking their heads against windows. It sucks!

Alex takes a number of zombies down. He’s easily one of the toughest bachelors, plus he’s super strong. He wants to eventually take out all of them, make the valley a safe haven like it used to be. There’s still a long ways to go, but he’s slowly making progress.

His grandparents, especially Evelyn, help out by cooking for him and others. Alex helps out other villagers by dropping off little care-packages. It’s cute! It’s also his way of keeping in contact with everyone and making sure they’re okay.

Alex is the one in a zombie apocalypse movie to survive until the end. He makes the smartest choices and keeps his family safe. He can’t afford to lose anyone else.

Harvey

As a doctor, Harvey’s first thought when he hears about the zombie apocalypse is that he needs to find a cure.

And so he tries to. For about a week. Maru is in the office with him for a while, going back and forth from her house to the doctor’s office. It’s tough experimenting on zombies and it feels.. wrong.

Even though they’re a zombie, Harvey knows that there’s a person in there. Was a person. So he gives up on the cure and instead focuses on keeping the citizens healthy.

Harvey is a goddamn tank. Were he to be partnered with Alex, the zombies would be gone within two days. However, they have different concerns. Alex keeps the zombies away from the valley, and Harvey keeps them away from houses.

They have a good system. Harvey goes around the houses to do checkups, trying to keep some form of order in the new world. He makes sure the oldies stay healthy, despite being cooped up, and that the people that are out fighting stay un-zombieified.

I think Harvey would almost last to the end, but makes a careless mistake and gets bit. Fortunately, a cure comes around! He still did research on the zombies during the apocalypse, and his notes came in handy.

Elliott

You’d think by now that Elliott would be used to being cooped up in his house. He’s practically a hermit! The only time he used to go out was to sit by the ocean or see Leah at the bar.

Now that he has to stay in, he doesn’t like it. It’s the same as all of us with quarantine. Elliott never went out much before, but now that he can’t, he wants to.

He feels like dying of boredom within a week. Fortunately, the sense of impending doom creates a good writing atmosphere. He finishes at least three books during the span of the apocalypse.

However, Elliott isn’t very smart about his survival. He either forgets to eat the food that Alex drops off, or eats it before the week is up. It’s tough.

Eventually, Elliott decides he can’t survive on his own like this. He feels like he’s going mad. It makes for nice poetry, but for now, he needs to prioritize his health.

So he makes his way to Leah’s! He figures it’s probably a good idea. Nobody ever said that you couldn’t hang out with friends, or stay with them.

While going to Leah’s, he’s not very careful with avoiding any zombies. He’s not attacked, but he is followed. Leah let’s him in of course, and then end up holed up in her house. She’s lucky enough to have the forest near her house, so she can rely on that.

Elliott probably trips up somewhere and ends up dying first, joining the rest of the zombies. He’s not very good at being a zombie, though. Which might be for the best! He doesn’t run around very much and usually just hangs back by himself.

Sam

Sam thinks he’s going to be good at the whole apocalypse thing. He’s like “I’ve played enough first-person shooter zombie games to know how to fight them off.” Then the second he’s put into combat, he falters and doesn’t know what to do.

Lucky for him, Jodi is good at fighting. Kent knows how to defend the house. Vincent knows how to ask dozens of questions about what’s going on.

And Sebastian knows how to sneak into Sam’s window at night when they haven’t seen each other in a while. They still try and keep close, but most of their conversations are over the phone. It gets lonely, sometimes.

Sam isn’t necessarily smart about the apocalypse because he doesn’t need to be. He feels bad about relying on his parents, but you would too if you had his kickass parents.

He knows how to keep Vincent safe! Vincent is taken out at least once a week, mostly to see Jas. He misses her a lot. Sam likes to see Shane, too! He misses working with his buddy, even if his body was a grouchy alcoholic that waved him off whenever Sam got within ten feet of him. Good times.

Sam really wants things to be normal again, so he tries to stick with Alex whenever he sees him out. They’re good at fighting, but Sam is very chatty and often gets distracted by other things.

Other things are usually Abigail waving out of her window and whisper-shouting for Sam. Sometimes she’ll whip out the Samson!!! just to get his attention. It usually works. Alex will take a minute just to tease him.

Sam either survives until the end of the apocalypse, or dies about halfway through while on his many night trips to see Sebastian and Abigail.

Sebastian

Apocalypse? He doesn’t even know her.

Sebastian’s life is literally the exact same. Aside from hearing less people upstairs, nothing has changed about his life. Demetrius is upstairs working on a cure or something (Seb tuned out the second he started talking) and Maru goes off with Harvey sometimes.

He heard Robin say something about building a wall or something to keep the zombies out. He wasn’t planning to help very much, seeing as the others mom and some other villagers wanted to help out. Really, the only place the zombies are coming in is through the tunnel for the bus, so if they block that off, they’ll be fine.

Sebastian is more focused on other things. Like staying in contact with Sam and Abigail to make sure that they’re still kicking. Demetrius doesn’t let anyone outside of the house, so Sebastian sneaks everywhere, whether it’s outside to go smoke or to see his friends.

He’s pretty good at fighting, though. He can defend himself a whole lot better than Sam, who he thoughts would have more experience. They both thought his video game theory was true because they’re both dummies.

Those few times where Seb does get out of the house, he’s like a zombie killing machine. It’s too bad he’s doesn’t do it very often. He’s good at sneaking around, too. Those years of tiptoeing around the house to avoid his stepdad yelling at him are really paying off.

Honestly, the whole apocalypse could end and the zombies could dissapear, and Sebastian would have no idea. He'd still be down in the basement, messaging his friends and working on his coding.

Or, for a worse ending, zombies could storm his house, saving him for last, and he wouldn’t know until it was too late and he was surrounded by a horde.

I think Seb would end up surviving, though. He’s not necessarily good at the apocalypse, he’s just good at avoiding it.

Shane

When Shane thought about sobering up, he never imagined he’d have to do it like this. The apocalypse is pain in the ass for him.

He stays with Marnie and Jas, rarely leaving the property. He doesn’t like being holed up inside for so long because then he’s just alone with his thoughts, so Jas keeps him going most of the time.

As much as he hates to admit it, he misses his old life. He hated being employed at Joja, but it gave him something to do. And yeah, he misses his annoying coworker. Lucky for him, he gets to see him one a week when Sam and Vincent pop in.

Shane can act like he’s annoyed all he wants, but now? It’s he apocalypse. Why should he be so bitter?

I’m not going to say that the apocalypse changes Shane’s attitude, but he definitely has some revelations about himself that he wouldn’t have had under different circumstances.

Shane doesn’t like fighting zombies. Not as much as Alex does, anyways. But he still helps him out if it’s ever necessary. Shane is infinitely better at defending than he is attacking. He makes sure to keep the zombies away from their house, and the town in general.

Sometimes, Marnie will ask him to deliver stuff to Leah’s house, or Sam’s since they’re awfully close. It feels like a job to him, so he actually enjoys it. He’s surprised to see Elliott at Leah’s and immediately assumes they’re banging. He doesn’t ask any questions, though. He doesn’t care.

Shane probably ends up dying after a tiny mistake that could’ve easily been avoided. He doesn’t see it as that bad, since Jas is still safe. That was all that mattered to him, really. He either dies after a few months, or an entire year into the apocalypse. Either way he does not go down easily.

I would like everyone to know that I wrote these thinking that Lewis holes himself up in his house and does not help anyone out, so they kick him out and elect Alex as mayor. It was a silly thought I had, but then I just went with it.

Alex for Mayor 2020.

It’s not necessarily like, an official position, but they all kinda trust Alex to protect them, so he just assumes the position. He’s not the smartest, which is why Penny was elected to be Vice-Mayor (Alex’s words). They do a good job running the place.

Anyways that’s all! Hope you enjoyed! Sorry this took so long, it was a lot to write hah.

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years

Text

Headcanons for being best friends with Klaus Hargreeves

Klaus Hargreeves x reader

warnings: drugs/alcohol, blood, smoking, guns, death mention

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Hi! Could you write a Klaus Hargreeves x best friend reader headcanon, just the random shenanigans they get into together, the fun they have together. No hidden romance or anything, just complete and utter platonic LOVE. If you have ideas for some angsty point in the headcanon feel free to put them in, I just want to be best friends with Klaus so bad and this is my way to fulfill it XD thank you so much!!”

meeting each other pretty much the day he left the umbrella academy

he was cheering in the street, which you found absolutely amusing

“hey, what’s got you so happy?”

“i’m so glad you asked! today’s my eighteenth birthday, which means im free at last!”

“wow, well, happy birthday”

“i have the greatest idea, do you want to spend it with me?”

you didn’t have anything else to do, so why the hell not?

klaus was a wild child, anyone could have told you that

he paraded down the streets with you, arms interlocked as he skipped around town

you two were singing whatever tune came to mind

“where are you staying tonight?”

“wherever i please!”

“would you like to crash on my couch?”

“do you have a tv?”

“i do”

he agreed and made you watch movies with him until you both passed out

after that night, you two became best friends

he was a lot to handle, but you could take it

plus, you didn’t mind having some crazy unplanned fun, either

to be honest, klaus did have some rough patches, though

he’d call you from the police station time and time again, asking for you to come pick him up

klaus magically was able to talk them out of any charges, you thought only his sister could do that

oh! i forgot to mention, he opened up to you about his powers and the way he was raised

you had heard about the umbrella academy before, so you believed him

you were just surprised that he was one of ‘em

“yeah, yeah, dad said i’m supposed to ‘commune with the dead,’ but he has no idea how hard that actually is! the mental toll it has on a person!”

he told you about ben, who was actually present at the time, you just couldn’t see him

you and klaus went on to be friends for years, sharing so many memories together

some of them were drunken, you must admit

you weren’t a fan of klaus’s addiction, though, especially as time went on

“klaus, you need to pull it together. i really think you should go to rehab. just try it out?”

“but i don’t want to part with you for that long! i’ll be lost!”

“don’t worry, i’ll still be here when you get out”

patching him up when he got hurt, which was often

“aw, my shirt has blood on it. that’s too bad, i liked this one”

“you know, klaus, the blood gives you some character”

“you know what? you’re right!!”

he would go on the wildest tangents about his family sometimes, five superpowered siblings (+ vanya), a billionaire for a father, a robot for a mother, and monkey.......totally normal childhood

sometimes he’d see his sister, allison, on the tv and watch whatever it was she was in, he thought she was magnificent

he really did miss her sometimes

“you know, they were all the worst siblings you could ask for, but they are my family. i wonder how they’re doing right now...”

“do you want to visit them sometime, i can come with”

“oh, nonono, you don’t want to do that, we may try to kill each other!”

“i believe that”

him finding vanya’s book and reading it with you in tears

“i know, klaus, i know. she didn’t mean to hurt you, i’m sure. she made the wrong decision”

“she just told the world about very private family matters! what else was she trying to do?!”

klaus and you stuck together for a few more years, but the day he found out his dad died was....it was something

he was laughing, crying, popping open the champagne, crying some more, hugging you tightly, and singing happy songs

“y/n...will—will you come to the funeral with me? please?”

“yeah, i can do that”

the house he grew up in was HUGE

he insisted on giving you a tour while he snatched up trinkets to sell

“put it back...”

“but it’s mine!”

passing by his other siblings and awkwardly waving

“who are you?”

“excuse you, this is my very best friend in the whole wide world!”

okay, it was a lot more uncomfortable that you expected it to be

especially when “number one” dumped the ashes at the funeral and then “number two” started shit talking their dad, and klaus started laughing when they started fighting

passing his cigarette back and forth

okay, and then he suddenly had a 13 year old brother fall from the sky

“klaus, are you sure we were smoking a cigarette?”

“i’m never sure of anything anymore, darling”

“that’s reassuring”

the little brother did not give a flying FUCK who you were

smth about the apocalypse

babysitting klaus as he spiraled out of control bc of his family

uh, losing klaus several times

and then he got kidnapped

and then he time traveled to the 60s and fell in love???

he told you all about dave

“he sounds amazing, klaus. do you think you could conjure him?”

“that’s not a bad idea! i just need to stay sober!”

easier said than done

apocalypse apocalypse apocalypse

now you were all in on that

you never thought that your accompaniment to a funeral would lead to several shootings, murders, and traumas.......wow

you really felt out of place

his sistee ended the world. you know, vanya, the one you thought had no powers

so his brother, five, time traveled the lot of you to the 1960s, but you landed alone in texas

“klaus? klaus?! anybody???”

having to cope with the fact that you were going to have to acclimate to living in the past on your own, it could be worse

you could have died in 2019

you went on for another year or two trying to keep your head low

but you ran into a familiar face soon

“allison?”

“y/n?”

although you didn’t know each other very well before this, you were ecstatic to find someone in the same situation as you

soon everyone began finding each other and also the world was gonna end again

reuniting with klaus

sobbing while you hugged him

“y/n, oh, my god, i can’t believe it’s really you!”

“i missed you so much, this has been such a wild ride”

“welcome to the hargreeves family”

ben, who you couldn’t hear: “he wouldn’t shut up about you!”

this new timeline was decidedly not a vibe

“you know, the 60s fashion i can live with, but everything else? complete trash i would like to go home”

everyone had to protect you because you didn’t have powers and they actually kind of cared about you?

klaus would also absolutely lose it if you got hurt

he would tell you all about his cult every moment he got

also he let you hang out at his mansion

but there was no time to hang out, you guys REALLY had to fix the timeline in any way you could

after becoming fugitives, you went to a barn for an epic *final battle* where you died lived bc five changed the timeline

getting back to 2019 only to find that it was......not the same at all

“i think...i think we may have fucked up”

“yeah, i’m going to have to agree with you there”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @cullens-stuff // @lotsoffandomrecs // @takethebladeawayfromme // @tessacabrera // @teenwaywardasgardian // @spidergirla5 // @sheridans-dynamos // @freya-xo // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @jay-is-groovy // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

#klaus hargreeves imagine #klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves #umbrella academy x reader #umbrella academy 2 #umbrella academy #the umbrella acadmey x reader #the umbrella academy imagine #the umbrella academy #umbrella acedmy

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justonecitizenoftheearth · 4 years

Text

Destiel Secret Santa gift

Hej @notfunnydean ! This is your not-secret-anymore Santa from the @destielsecretsanta2020. I hope you like my story and merry Christmas!

Rating: T

Tags: case fic, fluff, even more fluff, a brief flicker of angst, Dean and Cas finally using their words, getting together for real, Sam is exasperated, Eileen is too

The Hunt before Christmas

Dean hummed a Christmas carol as he entered the kitchen. It was the 21st of December and the first year. The first year without a case, without an impending apocalypse, without grief weighing so heavy on his shoulders he thought he would suffocate. The first year to celebrate Christmas with his extended family. He smiled, gratefully and contentedly.

Sam sat at the table; a cup of coffee in one hand and the other on the keyboard of his laptop. Eileen stood behind him and had her arms wrapped around his neck. As Dean passed them by on his way to the coffee maker, he saw that they were browsing the same property agency´s site as the day before. Eileen pointed at a house and Sam clicked to read the details, both smiling softly and a little unbelieving.

Dean took a pan and started to make bacon and eggs, softly humming Metallica as he did so. When he turned around again, Cas stood beside Sam and signed a good morning to Eileen. A shiver ran through Dean as he saw the former angel so relaxed, in a T-Shirt and Sweatpants, a small smile on his face as he commented on the houses they were looking at. After he had pulled Castiel out of the empty, making him human in the process, he had told him that he loved him, too. He had pressed his lips to Cas´ in a desperate kiss and held him so tight he´d nearly crushed him. But after that, neither of them had known how to proceed. So, things had been awkward for a bit, neither knowing how to initiate another kiss or, god forbid, a conversation. They had continued mostly as before, maybe standing a bit closer to each other, hands brushing more often. Sometimes, when he felt brave, Dean pulled Castiel into a short hug when they were the last ones to go to bed after a movie night, or he´d ruffle his hair as he passed by in the morning. But Dean didn´t stay in range long enough for Cas to reciprocate, still too afraid of wanting too much, still too on edge about coming to terms with wanting Castiel to touch him. He stayed close, but not too close. With all the change happening, the pressure and purpose gone after god´s defeat, it was all he could handle.

Cas´ gaze met Dean´s across the room and the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes deepened as he smiled at him. Dean had to hold onto the counter as the realization that Castiel loved him back hit him again, overwhelming, and scary, and euphoric. He cleared his throat.

“Cas, can you tell Jack that breakfast is ready?”

“Of course, Dean.”

Dean´s eyes followed Castiel as he left the kitchen and avoided the half annoyed, half pitying look that Sam gave him. He turned around to get plates and glasses for orange juice.

***

The five of them were almost done with their breakfast as an alarm went off on Sam´s laptop. He frowned and scanned the page. His frown deepened and Dean set down his fork. He´d seen that expression a thousand times and a giddy, exited part of him made way for resignation. Some things would never change and getting rid of god would not rid the world of monsters. Maybe it was time to leave the actual hunting to someone else, but not quite yet.

“What´s up, Sammy?”

“Several cases of murders in Manitowoc, Wisconsin. Apparently, four people have disappeared on their way home from different festivities. Two have been found later, with severe wounds, but it´s not clear what caused these.”

“Hearts missing?”

“Don´t know, it´s not in the report.”

Dean sighed. “I´m gonna check it out.”

Sam closed his laptop, nodding. “We´ll leave in 15?”

“No, I´m going alone. You lot stay here and prepare the bunker for Christmas. If I don´t have a sock and a Christmas tree and eggnog and cookies ready when I come home, I´ll be your personal spirit of Christmas Yet to come and kick your ass.”

Sam grinned, but opened his mouth to argue. Cas was faster.

“I´ll come with you.”

Dean shuddered at the familiar words. The last time he´d heard them was the day he´d lost Cas to the empty. What if something happened? It seemed like an easy hunt, but what if something went wrong? He couldn´t lose Cas again, and now he was human and could get hurt or sick or ki…

“I think that´s a good idea.” Eileen seemed serious, but her eyes sparkled. “You can handle the hunt together and Sam, Jack and I will handle the Christmas decorations.”

Dean stared at her, then at Cas. “No, it´s fine, I can handle it alone, no big deal.”

“Dean, that´s bullshit. You two go on that hunt and be back in a few days, and if you can´t make it for Christmas, you won´t be alone. It´s a good plan, don´t be a jerk.”

“Who are you calling a jerk, bitch?”

Both brothers grinned at the familiarity of the bickering, then Dean turned towards Cas.

“You really want to come with me?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course I do, Dean. I think I was pretty clear about that by now.”

Dean swallowed and nodded, ignoring that this was the closest they had come to actually talking about their, well, not-quite relationship.

“Well then, we leave in 30. Pack warm clothes, it´ll be cold in Wisconsin.”

***

“Did you not want me to come with you?”

Castiel´s blue eyes were so clear they seemed translucent, and Dean nearly drove them into a ditch as he lost himself in their openness yet again.

“Jesus, Cas. Of course I want you to come with me. I always do.”

Dean bit his tongue as the words slipped free. Awesome. Two hours into being alone with Cas and he already lost control over his mouth. This was going to be a long hunt. But the happy smile on Cas´ face when Dean dared to look at him again was totally worth it.

***

They arrived at the motel late at night. Slight snowfall and bitter cold greeted them as they left the car and Dean slipped on the icy ground as he made his way to the reception. Cas caught his arm and pulled him up again and for a second, they were so close that Dean stopped breathing. But Cas just smiled, asked if he was okay and took a step back when he was sure that Dean was steady again. He then walked up to the motel, his trench coat flapping behind him, snowflakes getting caught in his hair, and Dean could just stare dumbly, until a gust of wind reminded him that he was standing outside in the snowfall as well.

Dean hurried to catch up and they booked a room with two queens, at the far end of the motel. Dean went to get the bags while Cas went to check the room. They salted the windowsills and the threshold and Dean checked the news while Cas went to get dinner. While he was waiting, Dean checked the address of the next police department, the morgue and the names and addresses of the victim´s families. It was such a well-known routine that it calmed him a bit after the long drive and the constant flutter in his stomach that being close to Cas always caused.

Castiel returned and they shared pizza and beer while Dean explained their plan for the next day:

“We´ll get into our fed suits and check out the police department and the morgue. Also, we´ll check online and in the local bars if there are any parties planned tomorrow, if so, we´ll stay close and try to catch the thing, whatever it is, when it´s trying to attack again. We´ll salt and burn it, or behead it, or stab it, or whatever, and be home for Christmas.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

For a moment, they were both silent, munching on their pizza. But it was a comfortable silence and Dean relaxed into it. He heard the wind howling around the corners of the house and in the light of a lantern outside, he watched the snow fall. He smiled faintly. It could be worse.

“Do you like Christmas?” asked Cas.

Dean had to think about it and Castiel didn´t press, he just waited and scrolled a bit further on their news page.

Finally, Dean answered: “You know, we didn´t celebrate Christmas very often. When I was a kid, my dad wasn´t always there on Christmas. But the few times that we actually did celebrate were quite nice. When I was twelve, Sam gave me the necklace as a present. You know, the one that I gave to you when you”, he stopped there, suddenly remembering the purpose of the necklace.

“The one that can find god, I remember.” Cas just smiled; no tension suggested that the memory bothered him.

“Yeah, exactly, that one. Actually, that Christmas was pretty shitty, dad never showed up, I had to tell Sam the first bit about monsters being real, he was disappointed and cried the whole night before that… I actually stole a few presents, just so I had something to give to him, but they turned out to be girl stuff. He wasn´t happy.” Dean laughed and scratched his neck. “But I kept the necklace anyways.”

“I´m sorry it was like that. It wasn´t right, you two deserved someone to be there with you. You didn´t deserve the burden to be a parent to your brother.”

“Yeah, well”, Dean wanted to shrug it off, but again, his mouth had other plans. “I remember a bit of what Christmas was before, you know. Before our mom died. Nothing specific, just bits and pieces. A feeling of warmth and lights everywhere and just the general happiness that related to Christmas. I tried to give that to Sam later, but I was a kid and motel rooms aren´t made to be cozy and festive.” Dean gestured around him with a grin and Cas chuckled. Dean wanted to leave it at that, but again, he couldn´t.

“We had that one nice Christmas, even in a motel room. That was 2007, before… well, before I went to hell. Sam and I had a case and I wanted to celebrate, I mean, I thought it´d be the last time, you know. He didn´t want to at first, but in the end, we had a pretty decent evening. Eggnog and decorations and gifts and a game on TV. It was nice. Not as nice as Christmas with Mrs. Butters though.” Now both of them were laughing when they remembered the wood nymph, and the laughter left a warm feeling in Dean´s belly, that felt a little bit like Christmas, too. He grinned at Cas and the former angel grinned back, eyes sparkling and teeth showing, and Dean wanted to kiss him so badly it nearly hurt. But he didn´t dare to. But he lifted his hand and squeezed Cas´ shoulder before he leaned back and stretched his arms over his head.

“Let´s get ready for bed. Who knows how much sleep we´ll be able to catch tomorrow.” Castiel nodded, but as Dean got up to go to the bathroom to change, he caught his hand and held on. “This Christmas will be a nice one. And the next one, too. No more motel rooms or hunts or heartbreak. You still deserve that, Dean.” The hunter could only nod, the lump in his throat too big to talk.

Later, when they were lying in bed, Dean expected his thoughts to race and to keep him up for an eternity. But the sound of the calm, even breaths from the bed next to his lulled him to sleep faster than whisky had ever managed.

***

The police were very eager to help detectives “Hammet” and “Burton” and handed them the files without a second glance at their IDs. They also gave them the address to the morgue, where another helpful pathologist showed them to the victims and then left them to it. The monster obviously didn´t have a type, one of the victims was a woman in her forties who had come back from a working dinner that had taken longer and included more cocktails than expected. Another one was a seventeen-year-old boy who had come home from a LAN party in the early morning hours (there were obviously still people who did that). The other two had been a businessman who had been passing through this town and had spent his evening in the local bar, and a woman in her late twenties who had been born here and had been on a party at a friend´s house. They apparently had nothing in common except for the fact that they all had been at some kind of party before they died.

Dean checked their bodies and there were no hearts missing and the blood seemed to fit the wounds. There were bite marks, but it didn´t look like the attacker had killed them to eat the victims, there were no chunks of flesh missing. The teeth marks looked human, same size and same tooth marks. That was indeed strange, and he stayed silent, lost in his thoughts, while Cas and he ate lunch in the car. They turned up the heating and the radio and Castiel watched the people on the street, buying Christmas presents and decorations, sharing sweets, laughing and talking. Couples, parents with their kids and some people who roamed the streets alone, stopping every few steps to admire the shop windows. It was normal, and peaceful, and he suddenly felt a longing for a life like this, without the threat of injury and death looming over every job they took, without having to be ready to fight at all times, just the everyday worries of ordinary people. It was so strong he forgot to breathe for a second.

“Cas? Cas, are you okay?”

Castiel turned around and met Dean´s confused and worried eyes. His tone implied that he had been trying to get the former angel´s attention for some time.

“Yeah, I´m fine. I just … I just thought that it´d be nice to have a life like that.” Cas waved his hand in the general direction of the people outside the car. Then he huffed out a humorless laugh. “But I wouldn´t even know how that works. I don´t know anything besides … how to be a soldier. How to be violent. I don´t – “, Dean took his hand and cut short the self-deprecating monologue. “Cas, neither do I. But we will figure it out, okay? We´ll find something. Let´s just finish this job and then we´ll think about it.” Castiel just nodded mutely, his attention completely bound by “We will figure it out”, and Dean´s warm fingers wrapped around his own. Dean smiled and started the car, but after he pulled out of his parking spot, his hand found Cas´ again. Their fingers entwined, slowly, carefully, and Cas thought he could feel Dean´s racing pulse through his skin. But neither of them pulled away, their hands settled on the leather between them and when he glanced sideways, Cas saw that Dean smiled softly at the road ahead. Castiel leaned back and thought that he´d never been happier than here and now, driving down the snowy road, his thumb circling over Dean´s skin, the low hum of the Impala mixing with the sweet words of an Elvis song on the radio.

***

Questioning the relatives and colleagues of the victims didn´t provide them with any more leads on what kind of creature they had to deal with, or what the victims had in common, so they returned to the motel room and called Sam. The zoom call got accepted and they had a view of the war room. Fairy lights were wrapped around the handrail at the stairs and the columns in the room. Sam was breathing heavily, and he had fir needles in his hair, but his eyes were sparkling. “Hey guys, how´s it going? What are you up against?”

“Better question, what are you up against? And more importantly, will that fight with the forest spirits you´re apparently in finally make you cut your damn hair?”

Dean grinned and Sam rolled his eyes fondly. “No, jerk, I just carried the Christmas tree inside. You know, because someone threatened me with becoming the spirit of Christmas yet to come.”

Cas tilted his head, his forehead creased in worry. “But would you becoming a spirit not require you to die?”

Dean snorted. “Dude, no. It´s, uh, it´s a book reference. ´A Christmas Carol´. I thought Metatron uploaded all culture in your head?”

“Yeah, but my human brain can´t hold all of that information.”

“Oh. Yeah, I get that.” Dean rubbed his neck awkwardly. “I mean, it´s a movie, too, maybe we could watch it together?”

“Yes, I´d like that, Dean.”

They smiled at each other, until Sam cleared his throat and shook his head in exasperation. Dean filled him in on their case and the lack of specific details on the kind of monster they were up against. Sam thought about it for a while and asked more questions, but he didn´t come up with a clear answer either.

“I guess your best chance is to find out where the next party and/or festivity takes place and go from there. Take a little bit of everything; salt, iron, silver, holy water, maybe even dead man´s blood, and see what happens. I think you should be able to handle it. I´m gonna do some research, maybe I´ll find something.” Sam looked at someone behind the screen and signed: “Dean and Cas. I´m gonna explain later.”

Dean smiled softly. “Do some research if you want, but I think we´ve got it. Have a good time and say hello to Eileen and Jack.”

Sam nodded, but his smile faded. “Be careful.”

“Yeah, we will.” Dean grinned. “It´s not like I´m gonna throw myself on a rusty nail and really become the spirit of Christmas. And all those sons of bitches should know better than pissing me off.”

Sam snorted. “Sure, whatever.”

A moment before Sam ended the call, Jack entered the frame with his hands full of Christmas tree decorations and fairy lights wrapped around his shoulders.

“Sam, where do these g-“

Dean and Castiel chuckled at the black screen. Then Dean stretched and smiled softly at the snow that had started to fall outside the window again. “How about we find out where we can attend a party tonight and then we´ll actually watch ´A Christmas Carol´, whaddaya say?”

Cas smiled widely. “That sounds good.”

It didn´t take long to find out that there was a “Yule Party” at the bar in town, to celebrate the Winter Solstice. They didn´t need a ticket and could just show up, which gave them not much to do for the next few hours. Dean went and got pizza and some weird stuff named “Glögg”, which turned out to be pretty sweet, but good nonetheless.

Dean and Castiel settled on one bed and put the laptop up on the lower end. They had pizza and Glögg on their nightstands and were sitting so close that their shoulders and thighs were touching, but it was comfortable and familiar. The movie was up and when they finished eating, their hands inched closer. Dean´s heart was racing, a part of him wanted to draw back, but it had been so freeing to hold Cas´ hand in the car that he couldn´t make himself. Instead, he held his breath and took a leap again, wrapping his fingers around Castiel´s, who immediately relaxed. Dean closed his eyes for a moment and let out a long sigh, his attention bound by the warmth of Cas´ body beside him and his strong, solid hand in his. The former angel moved a bit up again, tensed, and then, as if he´d made up his mind, he let his head sink lower and laid it on Dean´s shoulder. A soft smile spread over the hunter´s face and he rested his cheek on top of Castiel´s head. His soft hair smelled of the shampoo that they shared and tickled a bit at his ear, but he didn´t move away and neither did Cas.

The movie played with low sound. the light was dim as it grew dark outside and the wind picked up again and threw snowflakes at the window. Castiel´s thumb drew soft patterns on Dean´s skin. It was heaven on earth.

Both of them dozed for a while, content in their warm bubble of happiness, but it got late and they still had a party to attend. With a sigh, Dean opened his eyes and looked down at their intertwined hands. Before he could chicken out, he pressed a lingering kiss on Cas´ head. Castiel´s grip tightened, and Dean heard his shuddering inhale, but he didn´t move for another few seconds. Finally, he murmured in the other man´s hair:

“We have to get up. We still have to go to this party.”

Cas voice was quiet as he answered: “I know. But I´d rather stay here with you.”

Dean lifted his head and Cas looked up. Dean got lost in these blue, clear eyes he´d spent so many hours daydreaming about.

“Yeah, me too.”

They held each other´s gaze for long seconds. Dean saw Castiel´s eyes widen in wonder at his words and then flicker down at his lips for a brief moment before they met his again. And suddenly, he didn´t know anymore why they had continued to dance around each other even after everything was already in the open. He loved Cas. And Cas loved him. And they both knew it. There was no reason to hide anymore. So Dean lifted Cas´ head with a hand and closed the distance between them, heart beating out of his chest. Castiel held his breath as their lips brushed against each other, soft as flower petals. The brief contact sent a shiver through Dean´s whole body. This wasn´t born of desperation as their last kiss. This was just made of love. And finally, their mouths locked together.

All air left Cas´ body in a long sigh as he finally felt Dean´s lips against his own. Their mouths started to move against each other, cautiously, but not rushed, not hurried. The first time that Dean´s tongue flicked against his lips, Castiel thought that his newly gained soul was about to leave his body. He arched towards Dean´s body and pulled his head close with one hand and kissed him at if he was drowning and Dean was his saving breath. Which he was. Dean groaned and pushed his tongue inside of Cas´ mouth and groaned again when the former angel started sucking on it. Suddenly, Cas was laying on his back, pressed into the mattress by the weight of Dean on top of him and Dean held himself up on one elbow and started to push Castiel´s sweatshirt up with the other one and suddenly they froze. Both men were breathing heavily, faces only inches apart, flushed, wide eyed, and neither had ever felt more alive.

“Now I really don´t want to go.”

Cas shuddered as he heard Dean´s voice so rough and low, desire obvious in his shaded eyes. He nearly said: “Then we won´t”, his whole body going hot as he imagined what would follow, but then the torn bodies of the victims flashed before his eyes. They couldn´t risk it.

“Neither do I. But ... lives are on the line.”

Dean sighed deeply. “I know. Let´s go.”

They got up, changed, and sorted out the weapons they were going to hide in their clothes. All the while, they shared glances, blushing and giddy. Cas had his hand already on the door handle when Dean gripped his hand and held him back.

“Cas, I”, the hunter bit his lip, but in the end, it was easier than he thought.

“I don´t want to hide anymore. I don´t want to pretend this didn´t happen. I – I want you. I want to be with you, for real.”

“Oh Dean.” Castiel turned to cup Dean´s cheek. “I wanted you since I pulled you out of hell. And I won´t stop wanting you, even when the last fiber of my being turns into dust and vanishes from this earth.”

He laid his forehead against the hunter´s. “I love you, Dean Winchester. And I want to be with you in every sense of the word.”

And it wasn´t harder than taking the first breath of fresh air after a long time underground when Dean answered. “I love you, too.”

It was Castiel who closed the distance between them and kissed Dean this time. Then he smiled more vibrant than Dean had ever seen.

“Let´s finish this hunt and go home.”

When they walked up to the Impala, they were holding hands.

***

The bar was full and loud and cheerful, and Dean enjoyed it more than he´d have thought. He held hands with Cas and ignored all dark looks about it. He drank three different kinds of beers and stopped then, before he got drunk. He played a round of pool just for the fun of it. He sat so close to Cas that their bodies touched and reveled in the glowing eyes and the easy smile of his – well, boyfriend.

They were sitting on the far end of the bar, with the wall in their back and the exit in sight. Cas´ fingers played with Dean´s and sent pleasant shivers down his spine. It reminded him a bit of the day they thought they´d die and he had taken Cas to that night club to get him laid. This night, he´d take Cas home. Well, he´d taken him home that night too, but now was different. Maybe they´d even sleep in the same bed. Maybe they´d… Cas´ voice interrupted Dean´s train of thought.

“Are you happy?”

The sentence took a moment to sink in, but then a broad smile spread on the hunter´s face. “Yeah. I really am.”

Cas squeezed his hand briefly. “I am too.”

For a moment they just looked at each other. Happy. Together. Finally. A nagging feeling filled Dean and he frowned. When were they ever allowed to be happy? The last time…

Castiel felt the change in mood. “What is it, Dean?”

“I don´t know, I”, Dean lowered his eyes. “I don´t want to lose this”, he whispered.

A gentle hand lifted his chin again. “You won´t. Everything will be fine.”

They held each other’s gaze, a thousand words said without a sound. But the mood in the room changed, a lot of people got up and were ready to go. Dean sighed and leaned back, only now realizing how close they had been. “The sooner we wrap this up, the sooner we´re out of here.”

Dean threw a bundle of dollars on the bar and they left, too. Outside the pub, they were met with icy wind. The snow scrunched under their feet. Dean shuddered and buried his hands in his jacket.

“Okay, what now? Should we go together or split up?”

“I think all of the victims have been alone, so it will probably be more effective if we split up.”

Dean nodded, swallowing the bad feeling he had. Cas was experienced. He´d fought more battles than Dean could even imagine. He´d be fine.

“Right. I´ll go down that alley, you go up towards the motel, we meet up there in three hours if nothing happens.”

Cas nodded briefly, but before he went, he pulled Dean close and kissed him once again, sweet and slow.

“See you later.”

Dean swallowed and blinked rapidly. When he´d regained his balance, Cas was already on the way. The hunter turned around, the feeling of Castiel´s lips still tingling on his.

It didn´t go smooth. It didn´t take long, either. Barely twenty minutes had passed when Dean heard a silent scream of terror in the distance, from the direction in which Cas had gone. It hadn´t been Cas´ voice, but the former angel would get there much sooner that he could and suddenly, his heart was in his throat. Dean took off, skittering over the snowy streets, smashing into walls, but he didn´t slow down. He heard a gunshot and some shouting only two streets away, running even faster, lungs burning, and stumbled around the corner just in time to see Cas getting thrown into a wall and sliding down. Unmoving. Lifeless.

For a second, the whole world stopped. Dean stared at the crumpled figure and a part of him laughed humorlessly. “I knew it. I won´t ever get to keep what I have. I destroy every good thing in my life,” whispered a voice from the darkest place in his mind. “No!” It took Dean a moment to realize he´d screamed the last word. This wasn´t supposed to happen! They were supposed to be happy; they were supposed to be free, they … Then his gaze turned towards the dark figure that had thrown Cas through the air like a rag doll. And his vision turned red.

He emptied his magazine into the body of the creature. It wailed, but still moved, so Dean took his silver and iron knifes and jumped into close combat. He sliced and stabbed and hit and kicked and he would rip this thing apart with his bare hands if he needed to, but it would curse the day it had taken Castiel away from him again. Dean didn´t feel the claws of the monster on his skin and the smell of the blood dripping from his face and he didn´t realize that his attacks were in vain. He just wanted it to suffer like he did.

Something wrapped their arms around his chest from behind and pulled him back. Dean panicked and tried to cut himself free, but then a very familiar voice shouted in his ear: “Dean, stop! This doesn´t work, stop!” Dean went slack and let himself be pulled away; all fight left him in an instant. He lived! Castiel lived! The creature hissed at him, glowing eyes staring at them for a moment before it vanished into the darkness.

Cas let go and spun Dean around, eyes skimming over his face and body to check for injuries. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Dean opened his mouth to answer and started crying.

Castiel wrapped him in a tight embrace and whispered wonderful, gentle words into his hair. Dean clung to him as if his life depended on it, sobbing into his neck and it took a long time before he realized that he repeated the words “you´re alive, you´re alive” again and again, and even then, it took a long time for him to stop. Slowly, his tears subsided and he felt slightly embarrassed, but not enough to let go. Castiel seemed to be happy to hold him. However, Dean started to feel his body tremble and his arms and chest burned. He drew back and winced. Castiel looked down at his arms and his eyes widened. “You are hurt!”

“It´s nothing. But you, I thought you – you weren´t moving and I” Dean hid his face in his hands. “Dammit, one might think I´d be used to this after a lifetime of hunting. Son of a bitch!”

Cas squeezed his shoulder. “It´s okay. It´s different now, I know. Please let us go back so I can take care of you.”

“But what about you? Are you okay?”

Castiel simply shrugged. “I´m a bit sore and my head hurts, but it´s not bleeding and I´ll be fine. I was mostly disoriented, and then you came and before I knew it, you tried to rip that thing to shreds with your bare hands.”

Dean blushed and looked down, but Castiel took his hand and he let his angel lead him home.

***

When they turned on the lights in the motel room, Castiel blanched. He helped Dean take of his torn, bloody jacket and ushered him into the bathroom. He sat Dean down on a chair and ignored all protests when he took a towel and the first aid kit and got to work.

Castiel wiped the blood from Dean´s face with gentle strokes and cleaned his wounds with careful hands. There were several long, deep gashes along Dean´s arms and some on his chest, too. Blood seeped out of them and Dean started to sway as the adrenaline subsided and the blood loss made itself known. Castiel´s eyes were bright with worry and he went out for a moment to snatch some water and a granola bar. He helped Dean lift the glass to his lips and take a bite, again ignoring the weak protest entirely, one steadying hand always on Dean´s shoulder.

“Do you want to lay down while I´m stitching these?”

“We´re gonna ruin the bedsheet.”

“I don´t care.”

“I don´t want to get up.”

Castiel took out the needle and the dental floss. “I´m sorry, I won´t be very good at it.”

“It´s okay.”

Dean closed his eyes and only hissed a few times when Castiel´s clumsy stiches pulled at his skin. Castiel apologized every time. When he was finished, he covered the sutures and wrapped the hunter´s arms and chest in gauze. Then, he leaned his head against Dean´s knee and stayed there.

Dean got dizzy when he looked down, so he kept his eyes closed, but started to pet Cas´ head with the hand that hurt less.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Dean tensed up and his eyes flew open, dizzyness be damned.

“What do you-“

“I don´t want to be scared to lose you all the time. I don´t want your blood on my hands and live in the constant fear of something coming and taking you away from me.”

Dean met Castiel´s eyes. They were shining in an astonishing shade of blue, wet with tears.

“I don´t want to hunt anymore. I will come with you, but I do –“

“Neither do I.”

They both stayed silent for a few seconds, the weight of the moment sinking in.

“I don´t know how else to live. But I want to try, because I´ve had enough, too. The world is saved, we are free, we´re no longer under Chuck´s control. Someone else can take care of the monsters now, there are enough hunters out there. Don´t get me wrong, I want to be in touch, I want to help. But I don´t want to fight on the front anymore. I´ve earned that. We´ve earned that.”

Castiel got up and took Dean´s face in his hands. There were still tears on his face, and the crow´s feet around the corners of his eyes wrinkled as he smiled. Dean had never seen him more ethereal, more angelic. More beautiful.

“Yes, we did. We did.”

Castiel helped Dean up and tried to steady him on his way to the bed without touching his wounds. He got another glass of water and the pain killers, swallowed two himself, made Dean swallow two and got out of his clothes. Dean still got dizzy when he looked down, so Cas took of his shoes and helped him out of his jeans. Dean was tempted to crack a joke about Cas finally undressing him, but the seriousness of the moment asked for silence. They lay down, both in one bed, without question, without talking, Cas behind Dean. He pressed his chest against Dean´s back, one arm under his head, the other wrapped around his waist, careful to avoid the covered injuries. Dean had thought he´d have trouble sleeping the first night in the same bed, but Cas´ closeness was incredibly calming and pulled him under before his brain could come up with even one reason why this was anything but good.

***

It took some time for Castiel to wake up. The first thing that he realized was the source of warmth before him and he pressed closer, a contended sigh on his lips. Hair tickled his nose and he rubbed it against soft skin. He dozed off again for some time, before the events of the night before caught up with him and he tensed. Slowly, Castiel opened his eyes. Deans head rested on his arm, which had gone a bit numb, but he could still feel the warm breaths ghost over his skin. Dean´s body rose and fell gently and suddenly, Cas felt like crying. Out of gratitude that he was allowed to be here and hold Dean in his arms. Out of sadness over the wasted time, over all the tragedy in their lives. Out of happiness. Out of love. He buried his nose in Dean´s neck again. His voice was raw with emotion when he whispered: “I love you so much, Dean Winchester.”

Dean tensed, but before Cas could say anything else, he answered: “I love you, too.”

Castiel let go so Dean could turn around and reveled in the sight of his sleepy eyes and tousled hair.

Dean smiled tiredly and caressed his cheek. “Did you sleep well? Does your head hurt?”

Castiel leaned into Dean´s hand and nearly forgot that he was supposed to answer a question.

“No. Well, it´s throbbing a little bit, but nothing that´d worry me. How are your injuries?”

Dean wanted to dismiss it, but he decided otherwise. “They sting. But I´m not worried either, doesn´t feel hot or infected or something.”

Castiel smiled, grateful for Dean´s honesty. With an insecure gaze, Dean leaned forward and hesitated, before he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Cas´ in an open-mouthed kiss. Cas melted under his mouth, body pressing closer and lips opening to let his tongue flick out. He was very careful to not put pressure on Dean´s injured chest and arms, but his hands were all over his face and back and Dean felt like floating, time and space and purpose just disappearing, until his whole world had reduced to this room and the warmth and scent of Castiel all around him.

It was a long time later when they pulled back to catch their breath, faces still so close together that they shared the same air. Dean thought he might explode from the magnitude of his feelings swiveling around just under his skin. When he opened his eyes again, the first thing he saw were Cas´ damp, red, parted lips and his heart jumped. Cas´ fingers played in his hair and he was so comfortable that he thought he might just fall back asleep, but his grumbling stomach obviously had other plans. Cas chuckled.

“Time for breakfast?”

Dean huffed. “Yeah. And a call with Sammy.”

“And some more painkillers.”

Dean didn´t argue. They got up and Cas got out to get coffee and breakfast while Dean struggled with his clothes, his injured arms hurting and stinging. With a curse, the hunter swallowed more pills and started his laptop. He dug through some of the databases, but nothing quite fit the profile of the monster. The date at the bottom of the screen seamed to double in size every time he dismissed an idea. The 23d of December. Two days until Christmas. If they didn´t manage to wrap this up soon, he´d have to stay here over the holidays with Cas. It would still be one of, if not the best Christmas of his life, but he´d been looking forward to celebrating with Sam, Jack and Eileen. And maybe visit Jody and the girls. The lock clicked and Dean´s hand flew instinctively towards his gun when Cas entered the room.

“Find something?”

Dean silently shook his head.

Castiel set the coffee and breakfast on the table and kissed the top of Dean´s head.

“We´ll make it for Christmas. Have you called Sam yet? Maybe he knows something?”

“Breakfast first.”

After indulging in coffee, sandwiches, some muffins and comfortable silence, Dean called Sam. It was Eileen who picked up.

“Hey Dean.”

“Hey Eileen. Is Sam around?”

“No, I´m gonna get – are you hurt?”

Her gaze swept over Dean´s gauze-covered arms and the bandages that peeked out from under his T-Shirt.

“Nah, it´s just a scratch.”

Dean´s eyes wandered over to Castiel, who threw Dean an incredulous look.

“What?”

“It´s not just a scratch, Dean.”

“I mean, I´ve had worse. Much worse.”

“That doesn´t mean that you should take this lightly.”

Eileen just grinned and went to the kitchen to get Sam. When they came back, Dean nearly threw himself off his chair with laughter. Sam wore an apron and wiped his hands with a kitchen towel, flour in his hair and dough on his forearms.

“Shut up, jerk!”

“No, forget it, bitch. I´m never gonna let you live this down. Man, you look like Mary Poppins!”

“Mary Poppins was a very wise and gentle…”

“Cas, I know. That doesn´t mean that I won´t tease my brother with it.”

Castiel held his gaze with a pointed look, until Sam cleared his throat.

“Guys, if you just called to insult me and bicker with each other, again, I´m going back to my cookies.”

Dean blushed and opened and closed his mouth a few times. Cas took over.

“We´ve encountered the monster and we can´t figure out what it is.”

Sam got serious immediately. “What happened?” Eileen tapped his shoulder and signed something. Sam´s jaw clenched, and his worried eyes turned towards Dean.

“You are hurt?”

Dean grumbled and waved his hand dismissively, which brought his gauze-wrapped arm into Sam´s sight and made him wince.

“It´s no- it´s not bad. A few gashes, nothing wild. Stop fretting.” He turned towards Cas. “Both of you.”

“Okay.” Sam and Dean stayed silent for a moment, a lifetime of shared trauma and injuries between them. Then Sam cleared his throat. “Okay, what happened?”

After listening to their story, minus certain parts that Dean and Cas kept to themselves, Sam rubbed his jaw, deep in thought.

“So, that thing attacks people who come home from celebrations at night. Nothing connecting the victims, human-shaped, not vocal, claws.” He stayed silent for a moment. “I have a hunch. I´m gonna call you later.”

They ended the call.

Dean sighed deeply and Castiel wrapped his arm around him. “What are we gonna do now?” Dean shrugged. “Hulu or Netflix?”

They were into the third episode of the Witcher when Sam called again.

“So get this. There is a creature in Norse mythology that fits your description. It´s called a draugr. It´s a kind of undead and it´s said that it attacks people who are making noise in the time around midwinter.”

“That fits! How do you kill it?”

“Well, it´s immune to most injuries, as you said. You have to behead it, lay it´s head at its ass and set it on fire.”

“We have to – lay it´s head at its ass? What the hell, man?”

“Look, I didn´t come up with that. Just do it, burn it. Or salt and burn it, won´t do any harm.”

Dean nodded. “Well, if we can get it tonight, we might make it for Christmas.”

“Yeah, burn that son of a bitch and come home.”

“Dean smiled softly. “Yeah, we´ll do that. See ya, Sammy.”

“Bye Dean, bye Cas.”

Both of them leaned back in their chairs as the call ended. For a moment, they were silent, then Dean covered his face with his hand and chuckled.

“Son of a bitch. A draugr. After defeating god, we failed to kill a goddamn zombie.”

Castiel laughed lightly. “Well, it failed to kill us, too, so I call that a tie. We´ll go and get it tonight and then we can go home to Sam, Eileen, and Jack. And celebrate Christmas.”

“Sounds good.”

Dean raised his arms to stretch the sore muscles and winced in pain. “Okay, so, it´s barely half past two, so what are we gonna do with the rest of the day? And will there be a party tonight that we can attend?”

It didn´t take long to find out that there was a Christmas-themed ball in the town hall. The tickets were already sold and there was a guest list.

“I don´t think we actually have to sneak in, we can wait outside until it´s late and people are leaving. Then we´ll go and get this bastard.”

“I agree, but with one condition.”

Dean lifted one eyebrow.

“We´ll not gonna split up again.” Castiel´s eyes were hard. “I won´t leave you to hunt on your own when you´re that hurt. We´re gonna stick together and I will fight. If something happens, you can still intervene. But I won´t leave you, no matter how much you´re gonna argue that you´re-“

“I wasn´t going to.”

Surprised, Castiel tilted his head.

“I would have suggested it myself. I think we´re better together. And I want to finish our last hunt together.”

Cas´ lip trembled and he gripped Dean´s hand tight. “Okay. Yeah. Our last hunt.”

None of them could tell who leaned in first, but suddenly their lips touched and then there was nothing else for a long time.

***

As it turned out, there was a small Christmas market in town. They took the car to town and wandered around aimlessly. The sun stood low and glittered on the snow. Dean and Cas looked at the goods that were laid out in the booths, choosing matching cups with printed moose for Sam and Eileen and a wood carving set for Jack. Night fell early and they got some mulled wine to warm them while they wandered around. Dean tasted every sweet food that he could get his hands on, until he felt slightly nauseous with all the sugar, but it was such a minor inconvenience that it was drowned out by the bliss of spending time with Castiel. They talked about the places they had visited, their favorite films and actors, which books they had read, and which bands Dean had seen live. Normal things. Everyday things. Dean could picture them living a domestic, calm, quiet life, just like this. He couldn´t wait.

In the end, they sat on a dock, looking out over Lake Michigan. They nursed their warm cups in one hand and Dean leaned his head on Cas shoulder. The reflections of the city lights and the half-moon glittered on the water. Dean sighed deeply and Castiel wrapped his arm around his shoulder. His voice was quiet when he asked:

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Very.”

No more words were said. No more words were needed.

***

The ball was supposed to start at eight o´clock, so they returned to the car and parked it in sight of the town hall´s main entry. They shared a thermos with coffee and a blanket, huddling together against the cold. The radio played quietly in the background. For the most part they stayed silent, brief comments on the people entering the hall or about their plan the only conversations. When it got late, they left the car and lurked around the corner of the hall to be ready to go to work when the mood in the room changed and people left.

The music and chatter were audible, and they blew into their hands and stepping from one foot to the other to keep warm. Dean started to get tired and a bit cranky. The music had changed from lively rock and pop songs to something slower and cheesier and he was ready to complain when Castiel stretched out his hand. Dean stared at it blankly.

“Would you care to dance?”

“What? I can´t … Where did you learn to dance?”

Castiel shrugged. “I haven´t. But I´ve seen people do it and it doesn´t seem to be too hard. I don´t plan to dance a classic waltz, so, would you humor me?”

And he honest to goodness bowed down and offered his hand. Dean blushed and rolled his eyes, but he took Cas´ hand. The former angel smiled and pulled the hunter close. He wrapped his other hand around Dean´s middle and Dean placed his hand on Cas´ shoulder. They swayed to the sound of a slow, sweet song and Dean found himself immersed in the music and Cas´ touch and he closed his eyes. Castiel hummed along and they circled around with small steps. At some point, Dean leaned his head on Cas´ forehead and they stayed like that, dancing slowly and sharing the same breath, visible between their mouths.

“I love you.”

Dean felt Cas´ hand tighten around his. “I love you, too.”

They kept on dancing a while longer until the music genre changed again, indicating that people would either leave or stay until the early hours of the morning. Slowly, Dean pulled his hand from Cas´, kissing him chastely before he took a step back. He took a deep breath.

“I think it´s time.”

Castiel nodded. He pulled his machete and they set out to circle the streets around the town house.

In the end, it was fairly easy. They checked the dark streets, and kept an eye on several attendants of the party until they were home. It took no longer than an hour until they took a turn into a dark alley and were met with the sight of a tall figure with glowing eyes that growled at them, lifting clawed hands, and launching itself at them. Dean took a step back and Castiel charged with the elegance of a lifetime of practice. He dodged the draugr´s swing and beheaded it with a forceful swing of his machete. Afterwards, they stayed still for a moment. Dean´s heartbeat hadn´t even picked up that much.

“So, that´s that I guess.”

Cas looked at him with his head tilted, his bloodied weapon still in hand. “Our last hunt.”

Suddenly, Dean was scared. Hunting was familiar. Hunting was what he´d done for his whole life. Everything else had always felt like a farce, a charade, playing domestic because it was what he´d been supposed to do. He didn´t even realize how Cas came closer, to wrapped up in his epiphany.

“Hey, Dean, look at me. We´ll figure it out. And as you said, we can keep track and help other hunters. Not everything has to change.”

Dean nodded. “I know. We make it up as we go, huh?”

“Exactly.”

A deep breath forced its way out of Dean´s no longer constricted chest. “Okay. I´m gonna get the car. We burn that son of a bitch and tomorrow, we´ll head home.”

Dark smoke rose over the sizzling, burning body of the draugr. Dean held Castiel´s hand. They waited until only ashes remained. Then, they made their way to the impala, without haste. They had time.

***

Dean and Cas checked out of the motel at ten o´clock in the morning. They took turns driving, only pausing for gas and snacks. Castiel insisted on listening to a channel with Christmas carols when he drove, reminding Dean of the ancient rule he´d established himself:

“Driver picks the music, Dean.”

The hunter grumbled until “Driving home for Christmas” played on the radio. By the end of the day, even Castiel knew the lyrics by heart.

They held hands while driving and slept with their heads leaned against each other’s shoulders. When evening came, Dean cracked a joke about riding off into the sunset and they recalled their case in Dodge City. Castiel admitted how much he´d wanted to kiss Dean when he came back from the empty the first time. Dean admitted how long he´d been in love with Castiel.

When they parked the car in the garage, the clock jumped to midnight.

They smiled at each other and squeezed their hands once again before they left the car. Duffle bags over their shoulders, they entered the bunker and stopped in their tracks when they saw the library. There was a Christmas tree in the corner. Fairy lights everywhere. A sock for everyone hanging over the fireplace. A plate with cookies on the table, with a handwritten note from Sam: “Welcome home.”

Dean and Castiel took in the scenery. Then they turned towards each other. The lights around them glittered in their eyes.

“Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

#destiel secret santa #destiel #deancas #merry christmas

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angst-fairygodmother · 4 years

Note

Could I please request Diego Hargreeves with prompts "Make sure to tell me if you get worried, or nervous, or claustrophobic, or-” and "You can hold onto me if you’re scared, you know?” ! ♥️ Maybe if the reader has bad generalized anxiety and Diego is like a puppy to them when he senses they're feeling off? Thank you thank you!!

A/N: I hope this works, darling. Since I don��t have generalized anxiety I could only guess at the feeling. Also, when isn’t Diego like a puppy? Word Count: 1622 Content Warnings: anxiety, self-doubt

“I don’t understand why you’re making a big deal out of this,” you complained.

Your best friend, Allison, gave you a disbelieving look.

“It’s not like I haven’t done this before,” you continued. “In fact, I’ve been dating your brother for a year now.”

“And it’s been six months for him since he’s seen you...this you,” she rolled her eyes. “I just think tonight should be special. You both deserve it.”

Worry flickered in your eyes and you bit your lip at the reminder of everything that Diego, that all of the Hargreeves had been through that you could never truly understand: two apocalypses, being trapped in the 1960s, coming back to find that they hadn’t existed or at least not in the lives they were used to, having to set it all right. Part of you wondered if after all of that, Diego would still be the same man you loved, if he would still love you.

“No, no no no,” Allison said warningly, standing up and taking your shoulders in her hands. “Do not go there, Y/N. Do not work yourself up over things that aren’t even true. I have never seen Diego so excited as he was talking about your date tonight. So whatever horrible ‘he hates me’ thoughts you’re having, get them out of your head.”

You groaned, wanting to tell her that it didn’t work like that, that even when you logically knew, it didn’t stop anxiety from sending your thoughts spiralling out of control into the darkest of places. But you had had this argument before, and knew not to waste your breath, or you’d end up in a fight with your friend and she’d offer (threaten?) to rumor it all away. She meant well, she just didn’t understand.

So instead you plastered on a smile and tried to pretend that everything was all right. “Fine. The red dress or the blue?”

In an effort to make up for the six months he felt he’d missed out on with you (even though to you, that time never existed), Diego had planned a rather elaborate date on this particular evening: dinner at a fancy restaurant, a movie, and dancing. You weren’t sure quite how he expected to pack it all in, or why he had chosen those activities when normal dates were more often picnics in the park or getting dinner after one of his boxing matches, but he was excited, and you didn’t want to bring him down with your questions or concerns.

Diego’s wide smile as you greeted him at the door was enough to make it all worth it. Not needing words, he leaned in to kiss you tenderly and you felt yourself melting into his touch.

“The restaurant is pretty close, so I thought we could walk?” he said, pulling away sooner than you would have liked. (Then again you could have stayed there, just kissing him, all night and it wouldn’t have been enough.)

You nodded, grabbing your coat and keys from the side table and stepping out to join him.

Dinner was fine. As in it was a fine dining restaurant and you felt out of place in the fancy white and gold decorated room, especially after catching the slight sneer on the waiter’s face when you told him the “house white” would do.

The two of you made small talk, just as you normally would on a date. You caught him up on the mundane occurrences at your office, the gossip around the neighborhood. He nodded and smiled and asked all the right questions before switching to his own story of the goings on at the gym. Despite your curiosity, you pointedly avoided the subject you most wanted to ask about, his time in the sixties, knowing that it was a raw topic and hoping he’d tell you in his own time. It all seemed perfectly normal for the pair of you, which only made you more nervous somehow, worried that you were boring him, and this out of character date was an attempt to get you to be more exciting before he just gave up.

Later on in the theater you settled into your seat, thankfully unencumbered by snacks since you had just eaten dinner, and waited for the movie to start. You weren’t even sure what you were going to see, and the awareness made you feel fidgety and nervous as the lights dropped down.

“You can hold onto me if you’re scared, you know?” Diego teased softly, lacing his fingers through yours and catching your grimace at the loud, dramatic opening music to the movie.

But while it was a suspense-thriller, it wasn’t fear you were feeling. Or at least not that kind, and holding on to him was exactly your concern. This date wasn’t your style, or what you thought was his, and as it dragged on you felt more and more miserable as your mind leapt to horrible conclusions.

Maybe Patch used to love this kind of movie. Maybe he had met a girl in the sixties that enjoyed ceviche and thirty-dollar salmon burgers and knew enough about wine to actually select one off a menu. Maybe he was staying with you because it was familiar, but you weren’t really what he wanted. Maybe you were just second best because he lost first.

Your palm felt sweaty against his and your throat squeezed painfully. You tried to focus on the events unfolding on the screen, rather than the terror racing through your mind and body, not noticing the way Diego watched you with concern.

Two hours later, you stumbled out of the theater, eyes burning from the lights of the lobby and from the tears you were holding back the whole time. You prayed that Diego didn’t ask for your thoughts on the movie, because you had no idea what had happened.

Diego seemed to sense that something was wrong, pulling you closer and wrapping an arm protectively around you as you walked further into town, toward the club where he intended to take you dancing. Since when had he liked dancing, other than in the kitchen or living room, clumsily along to the radio.

“When we get there, make sure to tell me if you get worried, or nervous, or claustrophobic, or-” he started.

“Diego, stop,” you snapped, everything you were feeling finally spilling over in the form of annoyance.

“What? What is it baby?” he turned to you, face almost as anxious as you had felt all night. “I just want to make sure you’re alright and comfortable and...I know how your anxiety get sometimes and how crowds overwhelm you.”

“If you know that, why did you plan to go dancing at a crowded club?”

He shrugged, scuffing his foot along the ground and mumbling something.

“And please don’t tell me it’s to make up for lost time or whatever. Because I didn’t lose any time, and whatever you did, it wouldn’t have been doing these things. Fancy dinners and dancing has never been us.”

Tears started to roll down your cheeks.

“If I’m boring you after everything you’ve been through or something please just tell me Diego.”

Horror and pain flashed across his expression and he immediately turned to face you, hands resting on your upper arms.

“Y/N. No. No I couldn’t…” he cried, shaking his head. “I love you. I just...I dunno, I wanted to do something special to show you how I felt and I figured since she’s your best friend that Allison would be able to help and she planned this all and…”

You laughed. You should have known. Her excitement, her insistence that tonight be special for both of you, as if it was a first date not a fortieth or however many it had been. It all made sense.

He frowned, puzzled expression suggesting that he thought you might have snapped.

“Allison planned a date for Allison, not for you and I,” you finally managed with a roll of your eyes. “I love her, and you’re right that she’s my best friend, but you should never have trusted her.”

“I’m going to kill her,” he groaned.

“She meant well. But god, I’ve spent all night worried that this was a weird, elaborate break-up or that I was second best to some other girl who liked this stuff or…”

Diego pulled you into a hug, holding you tightly. “Never.”

You couldn’t hold in your sob anymore, pressing your face into his chest and he ran one hand soothingly through your hair while the other stayed firm around you.

“Honestly, I was nervous that I was ruining everything, or that even though we restored the timeline you were different, when you didn’t seem to be having fun. I should have known. I know you and I just was so wrapped up in it that I missed the signs. I’m so sorry,” he murmured.

You shook your head, pulling back to look at him. “No, it’s not your fault. I wasn’t communicating.”

“Are you okay now?” he studied you, concern plain in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah I think so. But...can we go home?”

He nodded, gently brushing away your tears and planting a soft kiss to your forehead. “Yeah, that one I can manage without screwing up.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist as you walked, leaning into him.

“You didn’t screw up, Diego.”

“I made you cry on a date. I think that’s a screw up,” he argued, draping his arm around your shoulders.

“I’m not going to argue with you,” you rolled your eyes. “I love you, you stupid, stubborn man.”

He smiled, chuckling softly. “I love you too, Y/N.”

#anxiety tw #self-doubt #self-deprecation #a little angsty but ending in fluff #Diego Hargreeves x reader #The Umbrella Academy fic #I hope this satisfies Nonny #thank you for the request

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ophelialoveshandsomemen · 4 years

Text

Hiya Honeybee...

Werebear!Dean x femReader

A/N’s. This is my contribution to the awesome @deanwanddamons 1st blogversary and 2K followers challenge. My quote was Gone with the Wind’s - “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Well, here goes nothing!

Extra author’s note. I had to reblog this again “cuz I did the tagging in the author’s notes wrong...sigh...I hate tumblr sometimes...

Summary. For a little context, Dean, instead of dying in the finale, is bit by a were-bear( think Beorn the Shapeshifter from The Hobbit.) And he decides to move to southern Yukon. He’s not so much dangerous as peculiar I guess, and a bit understandably awkward around crowds. The only specifics for Reader is: female, likes living in the woods, likes honey, and is relatively capable of long walks. That’s it. Oh and cooking/baking. So if you ain’t good at that, pretend you are for the sake of the oneshot. ;)

Warnings are as follows. Dean is a bear. Dean is a woodcutter. One f-bomb. One damn. A lot of fluff. A lot of cozy things mentioned. One kiss... plus another one! There is no weird bestiality/exophilia stuff going on, despite the title.

****************************************************************************************

Dean remembers the day he met her. The sun shone down thru the trees like a blasting fireball, the birds were a chirpin' like mad and there were a lot of bees. Probably a bajillion more than he's ever seen in these parts at one time. In hindsight, the bees were definitely all her fault. That's why he calls her his Honeybee...

He was walking towards the glade of trees on the edge of his property where he sources the wood for his carvings. As he neared his destination, he heard soft, hummed notes traversing the wind from a tiny, dandelion wrought meadow just to his right. He stopped and turned his head. Through the rows of birch and juniper trees, he caught sight of a beautiful, barefoot woman happily constructing a straw bee skep. In the middle of a field of bee hives and bee skeps. She hummed oldies as she concentrated on her task, sunlight gleaming off her gorgeous hair. A shiver had coursed through his spine, giving Dean the impression that he was trespassing on a moment not meant for him. Then the woman lifted her head, her eyes captured his and she'd smiled. The rest as they say, was history.

******************************************************************************************

She remembers the day Dean told her of his past. They'd gotten close over the course of about 7 months. Then, one night as they walked hand in hand under the aurora borealis in the dead of winter, she'd held her breath, pulled him in by the nape of his neck and thoroughly kissed him. Cold noses, frosted eyelashes, bulky wool toques and all. The next morning, he'd knocked on her door, a thermos of hot coffee in hand and a slightly worried frown gracing his features.

"We need to talk." He whispered.

Sitting down in front of the lit fireplace on a pile of old wool and flannel blankets, he'd told her everything. His rough childhood, life as a monster hunter, a passing comment was made towards stopping an apocalypse or ten. And how, on his very last hunt, he'd been bit by a fucking were-bear. Something neither he nor his brother even knew existed. That was why he'd moved to the Yukon, not a lot of people to be bothered by him. Lots of wilderness to hide in when he feels the need to shift into a bear. She'd sat there, unsure how to respond, confusion and tears marring her eyes. When he finished, she wiped her face clean with the long, cotton sleeves of her shirt. She lifted her eyes to level with his.

'Dean isn't lying to me.' The thought was at the forefront of her mind.

Eventually, after some thinking and a bit of hugging, she'd asked Dean for a little time and space. She needed to get her thoughts and feelings together. Go over all he'd told her. Dean seemed hurt, but he left before she could properly clarify her need.

******************************************************************************

Two days later, she made up her mind. Dean wasn't dangerous, merely uncomfortable around large amounts of people. Dean would never hurt her, he himself told her he's basically a domestic bear. So, she decided to keep him. To love him. To cherish him. And she knew just what to do to let him know.

*********************************************************************************

The moose and the fish burgers were staying warm in the cast iron dutch oven by the fire, the lingonberry and blueberry pie resting on the stone floor beside it and finishing the party was the hot mulled cider in the cowboy coffee pot swinging over the flames. VHS copies of old time movies lay strewn in front of the antique tv nestled away in the corner. Now all she needed was her man. To whom she owed a tiny explanation.

******************************************************************************

The walk to Dean's cabin is spiked by the chill in the air, only marginally softened by the meagre warmth from the setting sun. She isn't sure if it helps or hinders her rapid beating heart.

******************************************************************************

Dean isn't too difficult to find. Especially since he's in bear form, all sandy brown with sun-kissed tips. Staring at the setting sun.

"Dean." She calls out.

He gently turns towards her.

" I made supper. Want some?"

The tall, tawny bear lumbered over to her. He sat down before her, more like a dog than a 13 ft bear, and lifted his head. She saw that this truly is Dean, for even if the rest of his appearances changed, his eyes remain the same.

" I want you to." She whispered. Then added a smile, just for Dean.

He nods, and walks into the cabin.

She's left confused for a minute. Before seeing Dean in human form saunter from the cabin's front porch all bundled up and ready to go.

She can't help herself anymore and throws all caution to the wind...and herself in Dean's arms. The kiss that immediately follows may be taking a little longer than appropriate, but she knows that neither one of them minds in the slightest.

******************************************************************************

"I am so sorry if I hurt you. With the way that I reacted to your revelation. I just needed some time to think, that's all! Please, forgive me." She sighs and buries her nose in his coat, gripping his shoulders for dear life and clinging to his woodsy scent.

" I don't think I can live without my heart." She croaks out , barely above a whisper.

Dean tightens his hold on her. His nose snuffling her honey-scented hair, he gently replies. " Course I forgive you Honeybee. 'Cuz I can't live without mine either."

She makes a noise which is something between a sob, a breathless laugh and a thank-you all at once.

And promptly starts coughing after she inhales one of Dean's bear hairs.

Dean chuckles for a moment or two. " You all good there Honeybee? Can't have you passing out on me!"

"Well it feels like I inhaled a fur ball so I might need a minute!" He sombres up.

"Sorry 'bout all the hair you're gonna have to deal with." He grins. "Especially since you're stuck with me now!"

She snorts. Then sweetly kisses his nose.

"Frankly, my dear," she hovers over his lips," I don't give a damn."

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester lives in the woods #werebear!dean #deanwanddamons2kcelebration

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laora-inn · 4 years

Text

Supernatural - Some speculations about the last 7 episodes of 15th season

Well, after 2 trailers, episodes descriptions on IMDB and some unfinished plot-lines of SPN story I’d like to share my own speculations. Some of them are definitely wrong.

Destiel positive, happy end positive, don’t like - don’t read.

Season 15 | Episode 14. Last Holiday

A filler - that’s how we anime fans call episodes which have no deal with the main plotline, though can contain some interesting moments and nuances. In “Supernatural” these episodes usually have no Cas in them. Sometimes they are very good... but mostly not. They are “just for fun”, and fans enjoy them, because they can be really funny. No angst.

Like this one - no angst, no Cas, a wood nymph who looks like Mary Poppins to me (or Mrs. Marple whatever). Some British origin of the character.

That’s the episode which shots with Dean in purple nightgown are from (trailer short version).

I suppose the shot with Dean, Sam and Jack flying in the air could also be here from. But maybe not.

I don’t know where Cas may be. His absence should be explained to us in some way. In episode 10th he was missing because of talking to the angels. What’s now? Some preparations for the next Jack's trial?

In this episode Dean should come closer to Jack’s forgiving.

Season 15 | Episode 15. Gimme Shelter

I have NO IDEA what this episode is about. Maybe the next trial for Jack? Or not?

I think the shot from the last trailer with Cas protecting Jack on the truck bed is from this episode. Also, some tortured person on the bed with the “lust” written above could be from it.

And what about Sam and Dean? Where are they?

I think they may have their own journey here, separate from Cas and Jack. Possibly the epic shots with them entering some building are this episode from. Possibly not.

Season 15 | Episode 16. Drag Me Away (From You)

I don’t like this episode title. It looks like Destiel mocking to me - maybe, I just don’t have enough faith. I want to trust SPN writers but can’t. Somebody help me to believe, we all need that now! :)

THE ONLY episode in ALL THE SHOW except this one that had brackets in the title was 12x12, Stuck in the Middle (With You). Yahoo.

Obviously, 12x12 was a parody to the Reservoir Dogs, a movie by Quentin Tarantino. Parody in a good sense of this word, but still. The plotline, the scenes (oh, this lunch scene from different points of view!), the scenes’ order, the roles, though changed - all of them. In case you didn’t watch Reservoir Dogs, just go and watch it, and then re-watch 12x12. You will understand.

"Stuck in the Middle with You" is Stealers Wheel song which was in the OST of this Tarantino’s movie. This allusion should deal with boys’ and Mary relationship - because it’s her who betrayed them involuntarily, and now they are stuck in the middle with her.

But somehow this episode title also deals with Destiel relationship. Maybe ‘cause that’s Cas who is dying, not Mary. Maybe ‘cause even on his deathbed he doesn’t confess something important - not about his betrayal, there was no one, but about his feelings. He says "I love you”, but then adds “I love all of you”, and Dean is literally stuck in the middle with Cas here.

Back to the brackets in the episodes titles. Because of them I suppose that 12x12 and 15x16 could be connected. But how exactly?! That’s the question. I want them badly to be connected in Destiel way, but know too little.

Back then I supposed that Dean could be dying in this episode and it would be his turn to confess something to Cas. But now I don’t know if there will be Cas in this episode at all, I just don’t have enough information.

I hope he will.

Btw, the words “Drag Me Away (From You)” are in Toto’s song “Africa”. And in case you didn’t know, in 2018 this song was used for half-an-hour Destiel video made by fan here. It covers ALL the Destiel moments then far. Link for this video is in Supernatural wiki, in the Destiel article. Half an hour, 10 repeats of the song, author’s comment:

Along the way it stopped being funny and started getting insulting because this has been a literal decade (as of 2018 the vid features seasons 4-13) and the show has explored ALL of the tropes and yet and yet and yet...

I mean the fangirl shipper part of me also loves it. And then I get mad because I love it. I have a very complicated relationship with Supernatural but that's okay.

Have you heard the good news about Tragic Widow Dean?

TLDR: Have a supercut of all the DeanCas stuff set to Toto's Africa.

We can speculate a bit about this fact, but the truth is we know only about young Sam and Dean, who certainly will be in this episode.

I think shots with Billie talking to Dean from the last trailer also belong to this episode, as well as shots with young Dean with Samulet, who is a ghost now. But these assumptions could be totally wrong.

What circumstances will take us to the young Sam and Dean? Time travelling? Flashbacks? The parallel world?

Personally I think it will be the third option. Because how the hell young Dean can be a ghost in “our” universe? Unless it’s not Dean, though I doubt it. But if it’s not Dean, it can be a flashback, you know, with the young boys. Yep?

We’ll wait and see.

I don’t think that Sam’s appreciative words to Dean refer to this episode.

Also I don’t think Sam is going to sacrifice himself AGAIN (I’ve heard such an opinion). But maybe it’s my hope that makes me think in a wrong way.

Season 15 | Episode 17. Unity

I think some of Chuck’s shots are from this episode. Maybe the red lights in the bunker too. Maybe not.

There also should be Amara and some angels. I saw Uriel in the cast! Maybe there also be some light lit on the all situation in Heaven now, when Jack made new angels.

Some interaction between all of them + Sam, Dean, Cas and Jack should take place. Here the shot with sigil could be taken from.

What side the angels will take? How it happened that Uriel is alive? Was he resurrected by Chuck or Amara? What plans does Amara have, how is she planning to deal with Chuck?

And what’s for Naomi? Will she come back or not? I think she won’t, not in this episode for sure, and I’m already disappointed ‘cause you know, she should be alive. Dumah said she is. For me Naomi is an important figure considering Destiel, and I think she’d be the best Heaven runner.

All in all, in this episode should happen something that will make Cas happy. I suppose by the end of 15x17 or in the beginning of 15x18 they all will be sure that they have won the game, and Dean will forgive Jack for Mary.

The episode title may refer to angels’, Winchesters’ and Amara unity.

Season 15 | Episode 18. Despair

Well, in Supernatural wiki I also saw “The Truth” title for this episode.

Most of us are convinced that in this episode Cas will tell Dean about his deal with the Empty and will be taken by it. I believe the same.

I think shot with Billie knocking with her hand rotten belongs to this episode.

I have some doubts, but also think a shot with Dean leaning on Cas is from here.

I’m sure that “You fought for this whole world” and Dean’s crying scene belong to this episode. ‘Cause you know. Despair. And the truth - about Cas’s deal and possibly about their fake win.

Billie’s with her scythe and bunker intrusion symbols could also be from here (or from one the previous episodes ends, especially for Billie - as a cliffhanger). And it should be the case for Sam and Jack, I suppose. Because there is no other way for Dean and Cas to face Cas’s deal with just two of them.

Destiel confession will be here, in more explicit form that it could be in 15x16, because there will be A TALK, but I don’t think we’ll see something real explicit.

Maybe, Dean’ll say he loves Cas. Maybe not. I’m sure only about the fact that we’ll cry by the end of this episode. And that will be AN UGLY CRYING, just as Jensen said.

Well, maybe there will be a hint that Cas can be brought back, but I think it won’t. So prepare yourselves, my friends.

Season 15 | Episode 19. Inherit the Earth

Here I think Sam’s appreciative words to Dean are taken from. They are definitely comforting. ‘Cause you know, Cas is dead, Chuck is alive. Possibly Cas was in his way and Chuck erased him by making him believe in their win.

I also think Dean’s crying words “this whole mission, saving the world” belong to this episode and will be in conversation with Sam.

They still need to fight Chuck, and Jack is still alive. Here Michael will appear and helps. And there is one moment Sergey mentioned in 15x07, about the key to the Death’s library. He even described what it looks like! Cas heard that as well as Eileen. Well, if Cas is taken, then Eileen should return to the Winchesters, maybe with Sam and Jack, or just tell them about this key.

I don’t know what they are going to do after. Open this library? How? Find how to kill God? Or not? Will they try to save Cas?

I think they will not talk about Cas’s saving. And he will be dead in this episode for sure.

Also I think they’ll deal with God in this episode, one way or another.

Season 15 | Episode 20. Carry On

This is a land of unlimited speculation!

I hope Dean’ll have Cas back by the end of episode. I think Cas’ll save himself from the Empty, ‘cause, you know, he has a big goal there. The Empty tortures all the dead angels and demons, as far as we know. It should be fixed - Cas’s already made a promise to Ruby. And we know that Cas has no problem with ruining something and messing it up - he is basically THE GREAT TRICKSTER of this show.

Rebelling against Heaven and ruining angels’ plans? Check. Stopping Apocalypse? Check. Opening Purgatory? Check. Becoming a new God? Check. Bringing the Leviathans? Check. Casting all the angels out of Heaven and burning their wings? Check. Becoming human? Check. Becoming an angel by devouring other angels’ grace? Check. Getting an army of angels? Check. Giving up this army for one human? Check. Kidnapping angels’ prisoner? Check. Letting Lucifer in? Check. Helping “an abomination”, Devil’s son, to be born? Check. Annoying Empty so much that it brought him back to life? Check. Making a deal with the Empty? Check.

It’s very dangerous to mess with Cas, you just don’t know what he could do for the greater good, and yep, in some way Dean was right when he said that Cas is “something that’s always going wrong”. So I think the Empty is in trouble here, not vice versa.

Also, there is one more thing that bothers me. When Nick in 14th season was praying to Lucifer, he woke him up in the Empty. Theoretically, Lucifer can be awake by now. It could be a dead end, but still. Lucifer’s “true face” is similar to the Empty’s, sooo...

I don’t know what to think about it and the fact that Nick could reach Lucifer and return him from the Empty, so let’s move on.

I hope for the happy end for Sam (maybe with Eileen) and for all the hunters we know. They are family.

NO MCD here! If someone’ll die - they shouldn’t be Sam, Dean or Cas. I don’t want to see Eileen’s death either. I don’t know what about Jack. I don’t want him to die, but he is 100% supernatural being, and I am not sure what it means for him to die.

Monsters should stay, hunters should hunt them. We’ll see that the “family business” thrives.

There should be an order on the all levels - in Heaven, Hell and on Earth. There should be the new Death - of they should return Billie. Rowena running the Hell would be perfect. Wonder if Naomi could run Heaven. Maybe it will be Chuck? If he will be redeemed. Or Michael.

I don’t know what’s for the Empty and Amara.

I don’t know what the end for Jack will be. I’d like he will be alive, but I just don’t know. He can’t be a human. That will be right thing for Cas, but not for Jack.

I hope for Destiel endgame, as well as for Sam/Eileen. Cas should become a human, maybe, with some supernatural skills left.

I doubt that we have proper scenes of these ships together or Cas’ humanity. Just hints. But they can be very obvious - especially if we’ll see Dean’s reaction to Cas’s returning.

So, I hope to see them.

But, as I said, it's a land of unlimited speculation. We’ll wait and see.

What else should be resolved:

- Kevin can’t stay a ghost! It’s my main point here. He also can’t go to Hell. What will happen with him and in which episode? I don’t know. I just hope they won’t forget about him.

- There is the shot with Bobby from? 15x20? He should be somewhere.

- Also, there should be Charlie in this season unless something’s changed. Where is she?

- What are they going to do with alternative!Winchesters from 15x13? They will rest? They will make another HunterCorp? They will be gone?! Come on, something needs to be done with them! Of course, they are not so important here, so the writers can forget about them, but still, I’m interested.

What am I going to do:

I'm going to watch all the last episodes of the season. AND THEN, if there will be no happy end for the Winchester boys and Cas won’t be with them, I'm going to rebel. :) In every possible way - petitions, letters, actions etc. We are grown-up people here. We can fight for our rights, and it's my crucial right - to be happy about my favorite show ending. :)

__________________

Feel free to ask me anything or to comment. My ask is working!

#destiel #supernatural #spn #castiel #lucifer #dean winchester #deancas #eileen leahy #supernatural final season #supernatural 15 #kevin tran #charlie bradbury #bobby singer #rowena macleod #casdean #billie the reaper #destiel meta #destiel-meta

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in-tua-deep · 4 years

Text

tua s1 rewatch with my roommate

episode one (I forgot for the first episode oops):

I have been treated to pictures of a lovely cosplay of Klaus who won a cosplay contest my roommate was in !!

Klaus putting his arm in front of Five during the funeral fight is good shit

“I have heard like nothing about Vanya” “yeah that’s pretty much how she’s treated in show as well”

“I can see why he’s the fandom favorite” - about Klaus

“Istanbul is in the firST EPISODE?”

I forGOT about the “rapists can climb” line when he breaks into Vanya’s apartment omg but also like,, his dumb arm wound

Episode two:

HERR CARLSON

Aww baby fives first time travel his little smile. Baby. Baby boy. And the dawning horror in the apocalypse baby nO

Five: you got anything stronger

Also five: takes one sip and then fills up more, takes another sip, and then immediately puts it down ?????

The motel dude for hazel and cha cha just looks at them like “yeah these are serial killers” and just rolls with it

Also actually why tf doesn’t the commission spring for better stuff?? Why would they cut costs?? They time travel? They could game the stock market so hard ?????? Give the assassins their own rooms omg

Also why didn’t five like. Crush his tracker. Why did he just leave it whole and intact outside of the Griddys.

Forgot how much I love Agnes

(Oh man it is storming bad here it just BOOMED)

Also idk if Diego actually deserved that taser hmmmmm but also like,, communication lads five was literally right there killing people and Diego is like “hmm something is up here” like. Yeah Diego ur big brother “I can get my sibling in trouble for something” senses are tingling

Wow I really did repress all these Allison and Luther scenes huh. Also it’s still super cute that Allison read Claire moon books

Allison: dads heart gave out, which wasn’t how I was expecting to find out dad had a heart but it tracks

“SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE BEN... said with love 😘”

Did five actually sleep at Vanyas?? The sofa looks undisturbed but he had to wait for work hours to interrogate the meritech people,, five,, please sleep. The whole “IF YOU CALL ME YOUNG MAN ONE MORE TIME” interaction makes more sense with five on. Zero sleep.

I didn’t remember that Patch straight up knows about the umbrella academy oops. Like she clocks Diego as overcompensating for his childhood. Queen

Is that an umbrella adademy Diego cross stitch on Diego’s wall?? Did he buy that? Make it?? Did grace make it?

Vanya, walking into the academy: five??? five? pspspspspsps

Also like. Who was Vanyas therapist??? Clearly they did not help her

Aww the tow truck driver :(

I know the show wants me to dislike Patrick I KNOW,, and I think her fathers funeral is extenuating circumstance?? But still Patrick is valid for not giving an inch regarding his ex who mind controlled his child. Vanya didn’t really deserve Allison snapping at her but like. She had some good points. Allison arguably would have had to deal with vanyas book more than anyone else

Five smiling proudly at Klaus’s drama at meritech bless but also KLAUS DONT BREAK GLASS ON YOURSELF

Me, spotting Leonard: BASTARD

Love how everyone greets Diego in the gym and don’t question all his knives or anything like “yeah that’s Diego he lives here and loves knives :)”

Why could Leonard have not been like. A normal ass guy. Vanya needs friends who sympathize with her holy shit get this person some socialization

Pogo really did have to lead these kids by hand to the recording rooms because literally no one was super invested in reginalds ~murder mystery~

ahafahJAGSJWGAI MY ROOMMATE JUST SAID POGO IS THE BEST CHARACTER SO FAR,,,, I will probably never include pogo in my fics because I do Not Care About Him lmaoooo

Aww five does to see Dolores and being like “it’s been a rough couple of days :(“,,,,, baby,,,, but also tag yourself I’m hazel going “elastic wrist splint yesssssss”

Five I am begging you PLEASE get some sleep

OH FIVE SHAKING DIEGO IN THE APOCALYPSE TO TRY AND WAKE HIM UP OHHHHH OH :(

Episode 3:

my roommate is super faceblind which is an issue bc she identifies people mainly by hairstyle so seeing the s2 stuff on tumblr is tripping her over bc she keeps seeing diego and going ??? who is that again? bc she’s seen his longer hair

okay there is no way that the eggs that grace put in that pan are the ones that ended up on the smiley face breakfast plate,,, but also grace that whole scene was a mood honestly i would be like “okay maybe mom killed dad BUT he deserved it sooooo”

“what the FUCK” - my roommate about cha-cha’s shitty wound care where she holds a curling iron against her arm

i didn’t remember that five got shOT AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE did i just erase that from my memory?? i mean yeah it’s a graze but he stitches it up and then slaps a bandaid on it so he has a wound that needed stitches on his shoulder for the entire show ??????? is he okay???? that would make moving your arm,,, painful,,,,,

a bandaid just slapped over it i’m actively yelling

“Sometimes when I see a million gifs of a show before I watch I get really surprised when they talk but he is exactly what I expected” - my roommate, about five

“I noticed they’ve only really showed diego in really badly lit scenes so far” - my roommate defending her lack of ability to recognize diego

i’m still laughing about pogo literally having to point out the murder tapes and now allison and luther are investigating and just. allison is lowkey defending grace and i’m laughing

“why is he saying woodwork is embarrassing that’s like one of the most middle of the wood hobbies to have. you’re respectable to grandpas who used to carve wooden ducks AND twenty-year-olds who can’t make anything to save their lives” - my roommate on leonard peabody

“i think he’s already crossing some lines he’s met this lady ONCE” - roommate on leonard/vanya

five having flashbacks in the car :(

did allison and luther draw straws for who went to fetch which sibling?? allison was like “dibs on vanya” and luther was just like “aww :(”

five luther and klaus in the van - BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT let’s go pick up diego

“the coat he’s wearing does have a nice swish to it” - roommate about klaus’s coat

luther being like “you’re just as messed up as the rest of us and we’re all you have” like luther,,, baby,,,,, you literally ARE all he has,,,,,, his family is the only thing he’s really cared about since he was thirteen and maybe before then :(

“I can’t tell if those are supposed to be cake or yeast donuts... i think extruded donuts are cake donuts but she said she lets them rise so maybe they’re yeast?” - my roommate focusing on all the things that i do not

sometimes i forget that hazel and cha-cha pretended to be private detectives trying to find a lost child in a potentially dangerous situation,,, five would be disgusted

“she shouldn’t get a vote” “i was gonna say i agree with you” “she should get a vote!!” this is peak sibling energy honestly i think i’ve had that exact interaction with my siblings voting for a movie or something

“hashtag android rights”

“I want to be the tailor who gets a call one day that says ‘i want you to make clothes for a chimpanzee”

is it telling that only luther in the flashback didn’t really talk to grace at all,, i mean five didn’t either but i think he was gone by that point in the flashback ????

wait diego tells grace that she worked for him for thirty years,,, the kids are 29 and later it’s implied she was built bc vanya kept killing nannies when they were like four but maybe s2 clarifies that some more?? or diego just is rounding up

“that’s an interesting fabric to her skirt” - my roommate about grace’s outfit

forgot that hazel and cha cha broke the door to the manor busting in,, do they ever fix that?? we’re only at episode three do they spend the rest of the season with their door open to anyone on the streets

okay that bathtub is WAY too small to allow for klaus to be moving his elbows about like that underwater smh

“how is HE useful on mission??” my roommate about klaus

where is the SECURITY SYSTEM??? luther LITERALLY said that reggie was more paranoid and yet some assassin can just bust down the door and have unrestricted access????? he built a whole ROBOT but no security system????????

“maybe it was like,, practice for the kids? someone breaks in and they take care of it? wait no that doesn’t explain the thirteen years they’ve been gone?”

“why WAS he on the moon?” - about luther

“I want to see what she’s embroidering!!” about grace during the gunfight in the living room she’s absolutely ignoring diego getting shot at

what is a rope-a-dope,,,, diego yells “EVER HEARD OF A ROPE-A-DOPE???” at luther but like. no i haven’t. what does that MEAN diego

aww i forgot they played sinnerman, love that song

“what are you doing dude, rumor has it you’re not shooting at me that’s all you need to do” i mean. the roommate is not wrong. allison could just end the fight with a yell. i understand she’s pissed off and has rumor trauma but like cha cha is actively trying to murder them

how is luther not winning he literally has super strength. does hazel have super strength? just punch the man and knock him out jesus y’all suck at this smh

why is there such intense music we all been knew about luther’s strength - oH HIS BODY

forgot about that

is it allison’s fault that klaus got kidnapped because she didn’t literally just rumor them to give up?? like she literally has that power. she could have been like “i heard a rumor you left and forgot about us” it didn’t even need to be violent?? i understand she has rumor trauma but this i feel is allowable circumstances

diego showing his worry about vanya by getting angry which honestly i think all the siblings do that rip none of these idiots have even heard of healthy communication in their LIVES

you know,, i don’t think vanya can drive. she takes the bus. she took a taxi to leonard’s house. we see her walking a lot. does she know how to drive?? i imagine that the umbrella academy were taught bc of mission related stuff but,,, vanya wasn’t?? that’s just depressing tbh

#tua rewatch #i cannot beliEVE she likes pogo so much #pogo was complicit in the hargreeves abuse no i wont change my mind #i would be more likely to forgive him if he didnt keep mentioning how much reginald loved them #pogo fam dont say that #youre just going to feed luthers daddy issues #more to come #i cannot BELIEVE i forgot five got shot/grazed in the arm by a bullet #he slaps a BANDAID OVER IT #right after i said five is better at woundcare than cha cha with the curling iron #he just #slaps a bandaid on it #not even a big bandaid #that motherfucker

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chipper9906 · 4 years

Text

If The World Was Ending

Pairings: Castiel/ Dean Winchester

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 7,888

Status: One Shot - Complete

Summary:

“So,” Dean gets out once he slams his glass back down on the table. “Last night on earth. Any plans?”

Castiel smiled fondly at the familiar words, tracing random designs on the side of his glass with his fingertip. “This one right here. If I only have a short time left here before… I like quiet moments like these. With you. Whatever time is left, I’d like to share it with you. If you’ll have me.”

They both liked to play this game. Throwing out words that could have entirely different meanings. Nervous looks exchanged between the two of them, wondering if the other is going to take up the offer that’s hidden, no, intertwined within words that are balancing on the line between “brothers” or “lovers”.

* * *

Inspired by the song "If The World Was Ending" by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels. Castiel and Dean share a moment in the bunkers kitchen, in which Castiel reveals something he's been hiding from the brothers.

‘But if the world was ending,

You’d come over, right?

You’d come over and you’d stay the night,

Would you love me for the hell of it?

All out fears would be irrelevant,

If the world was ending,

You’d come over, right?

The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight,

No, there wouldn’t be a reason why,

We would even have to say goodbye’

- ‘If The World Was Ending’ by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels

* * *

The world was ending.

It was strange that such a thought didn’t instill Dean with an urgent sense of panic. At this point, it was a common occurrence in their lives. Some incident that could potentially wipe out most if not all life on Earth. Lucifer rising, the apocalypse, hunting down God’s first creations -which would happily eat the world, talking down Amara from plunging the world into darkness. Now…this; God. It seems… unfathomable. It’s not just the world ending, it’s all of them. Every version of Earth to have ever existed, every possible universe out there, an infinite amount of Sam and Dean’s… and God – or, Chuck – personally had it out for them.

They were ‘his favorite show’. Their entire lives, all of the lives of the other Sam’s and Dean’s - they were just Chuck’s playthings. A source of entertainment to keep him happy when he got bored of playing the father of creation. He and Sam… they had always tried to do what’s right. And sure, it didn’t always work out that way. More often than not, such catastrophic events would both be directly and indirectly caused by them in one way or another, usually in some desperate bid to save the other. It’s a guilt that hangs over Dean’s head every day of his life – and he’s sure it does for Sam, too. But no matter what, they would do all they could to fix it. Now, he just thinks ‘what was the point?’ The whole time, through every struggle, every heartbreak, Chuck had been sat back with his feet up, probably a goddamn bucket of butter popcorn in his lap whilst he watched their misery, and he didn’t do a thing.

He’s God. He could have stepped in whenever, snapped his fingers, and fixed the world's problems. But no. Instead, he hid behind this ‘tired father’ façade, crafting a story about how it was best to stand back and let humanity figure itself out. It’s all bullshit. He wasn’t tired, he was bored. His playthings had lost their appeal when there wasn’t any evil in the world to challenge them, so he threw every shitty situation he could their way and watched it unfold. But now he’s bored of that, too. They weren’t following Chuck’s script anymore, and so their usefulness has come to an end.

Dean doesn’t know how far away the end is. It’s coming, he knows that. It’s not that he wants to follow Chuck’s script, but it feels like every move he makes, every action he thinks is rebelling from the plan set out for him only proves to be exactly what Chuck wants him to do. Hell, maybe there’s a script sat somewhere on whatever computer Chuck uses to write on now, flipped open to reveal a page where Dean is sat right where he is right now, hunched over the kitchen table with a glass of whiskey in hand and a half-empty bottle of whiskey opposite being his only company. Though, he’s sure it won’t be half-empty for much longer. It’s not like he has to care about liver failure anymore, right?

Soft footsteps pad down the bunker’s hallway, the muted sound bouncing off the walls and echoing down to the kitchen. Dean glances down to the black-coated watch sat snugly on his wrist, the two hands pointing to 2:34 AM. There was no way Sam would be up at this hour- unless he had gotten significantly better at quietening his deafening footsteps. Dean’s first guess was Jack. It wouldn’t surprise him if the kid was sneaking out of his room at early ass o’clock to down some of that cereal that Sam doesn’t want him eating (which is funny, since it’s always Sam who throws the box in their cart whenever they take a trip to the store.)

Dean catches a figure at the doorway out of the corner of his eye, only partly illuminated by the buzzing kitchen lights that spilled out into the dark hallways. Dean’s guess is proven wrong as his eyes land on a familiar tan trench coat, solemn eyes flicking up from the whiskey bottle to meet Castiel’s disheartened face.

“Good of you to join the party.” Dean rumbled, vaguely gesturing at the seat opposite the table for Cas to sit in.

“It’s late.” Castiel stated the obvious, not moving from the entrance of the kitchen. “Or, early, I suppose is more accurate.”

Dean hummed low in his throat in acknowledgment, tipping his nearly finished glass back and draining the last of its contents. Castiel’s eyes followed the movement of his hands as Dean let his glass drop back down to the table, pulling the whiskey bottle closer with his other hand and pouring himself a fresh glass. Castiel’s sigh was barely audible, but Dean could still pick it up. He was pretty good at stuff like that with Cas. Castiel shuffled closer to the table, gently lowering himself down into the seat Dean had offered like an old man with stiff bones would. Which, technically, Dean guessed he was. Cas was, what, a few billion years old? Explains why he treats Dean like a little kid sometimes. From his perspective, that’s probably what Dean is.

“Want some?” Dean offered, shaking the bottle in Castiel’s direction.

Castiel hesitated for a moment, the word ‘no’ already forming on his tongue when he instead reached out a hand and took the bottle from Dean. Castiel pushed himself out of the chair, making his way over to one of the cabinets in the corner of the kitchen. Dean fixated on a random spot on Castiel’s back, listening to the clinking of glass and dishware as Castiel searched through the cabinet. He re-appeared back in the chair a few seconds later, an identical tumbler to Dean’s in his hand. Cas was quick to pour himself his own drink, sliding the bottle across the table back to Dean once he was finished. Cas was practically mirrored with Dean, slumped over the table as he nursed his own glass of whiskey, taking the occasional sip as the two sat in companionable silence.

It was deathly quiet. In some sort of typical drama movie, they’d hear the irritating ticking of a clock from somewhere within the bunker. There wasn’t even that. Well, if Dean strained his hearing enough, he might be able to hear the hands in his watch move with each passing second. Cas probably could – scratch that, definitely could. Dean’s not entirely sure how hearing all those little sounds doesn’t drive Cas crazy, but then again, Cas has probably had to deal with countless desperate prayers before. He’s probably learned to filter it out by now.

Dean shook his head sadly, the minute movement catching Castiel’s attention. “Aren’t you tired of this, Cas?”

“Of what?” Castiel’s voice grated out.

“Everything.” Dean responded, tapping a random rhythm against the side of his glass with his pointer finger. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, man. This half-baked plan where we juice Jack up and just… just fucking throw him at Chuck. I can’t keep pretending like I believe it’s going to work. That it’s all going to be okay.”

“Of course I am. Dean, I’m very tired.” Cas even sounded it. “And it probably won’t ‘all be okay’.”

Castiel’s honesty caught Dean off guard. Dean’s eyes met Cas’s briefly, finding nothing but the honesty his voice had displayed. Dean’s eyes dropped back down to his glass, letting out a breathy sigh before taking another sip of whiskey.

“ ‘S weird hearing you say that.” Dean said once the burn of the liquor subsided.

“Sorry,” The corner of Castiel’s lips barely hitched as he apologized. “I’m just having trouble picture a scenario where we win and come out completely unscathed.”

Dean nearly snorted into his drink. “Yeah, you can say that again.”

A thought crossed Dean’s mind, though it’s one that he had frequently thought of recently. He had been about to take another sip, the glass of whiskey raised to his lips as the thought passed over his mind. He placed the whiskey back down as he asked Castiel what was on his mind. “How are you okay with all this, Cas? I mean me, I… I’ll admit, I haven’t always treated the kid right. Even knowing what he did to… to mom, everything else, even what I nearly did to him, yet none of this sits right with me. You though… every step of the way, ever since Jack talked to you in Kelly’s freakin’ womb, you’ve done everything you can to keep him alive.”

“I don’t have much of a say in the matter.” It sounded like it pained Castiel to say that. “I don’t have much hope for us defeating God. If there’s anyone that has even a small chance, any being that might be able to take him down… Jack’s the only option we have.”

Dean smiled sadly at Castiel across the table. “Man… if five years ago you told me someday our only hope against God would be the devil's kid, then…” Dean paused for a moment. “Actually, I probably would believe it. Maybe ten years ago I wouldn’t.”

“And what if I had told you that we had the son of Lucifer living with us?” Castiel’s lips had curled into a subtle smile.

“I’d probably have to trap you in a ring of holy fire and check you haven’t gone crazy again.” Dean joked. “If you had also told me that I had come to care for the kid and seen him as one of our own, I would probably just have to stab you on principle.”

Castiel’s subtle smile had turned all soft and warm, which is kind of odd considering Dean was talking about stabbing him; but then when Dean remembered the way they met, it’s not all that weird.

“It’s been a strange journey, hasn’t it?” Castiel asked.

Dean chuckled dryly. “Bet you never thought you’d fall quite so far from grace, huh? One second you’re a soldier of God parading around a bunch of white hallways, and the next you’re sat in a dingy kitchen in a hidden bunker, sharing a glass of whiskey with me.”

“It’s certainly not something I would have envisioned back then.” Castiel admitted. “But I wouldn’t swap what I have now to get that back. There’s nowhere else I want to be than right here. Perhaps under better circumstances, and perhaps with a little less weight on our shoulders.”

“Yeah, well – we probably wouldn’t be here if that was the case, would we?”

“No. No, I suppose not.”

Dean hesitated as he looked to the defeated expression plastered on Castiel’s face, something almost akin to disappointment hiding behind hazy blue eyes as they stared down drearily at the worn wooden table. This happened a lot with them. Words he wants to say, impulsive thoughts that make it to the tip of his tongue. And every time, they get pushed back. Second thoughts, fears of pushing things too far and changing things that he’s not ready for, and then the words never make their way out. Too many times where he’s lost Cas, always certain that ‘this time, it’s it. No more do-overs.’ He’ll agonize over the ‘what-if’s’, of all he wanted to say to Cas, but never could. And every time that realization will set in that he’ll never get to say those words to him, because he was too much of a coward. Because it was easier to stay as what they were, because he couldn’t handle the change. He’ll think about all the things he would say if he were still alive, and when Cas finds his way back to them to him, he chickens out once more. It’s a vicious cycle he wishes he could break.

“I hope you know it’s the same for me too, Cas.”

There. He got them out. Cas glanced up from the table at him, eyebrows furrowing until they were slanted towards the center. “What’s the same?”

“I mean…” Dean nearly choked on his words, filtering his mind so that what he said wasn’t too embarrassing. “This is where I want to be. I know I don’t say it enough to you, Cas. In fact, most of what I say is… it’s shit I don’t mean. Not really. I let my anger take over, and sometimes it takes me a while to see things how they really are.”

“I know, Dean.” Castiel interrupted gently. “You don’t have to tell me it again. I won’t forget that prayer.”

Dean coughed awkwardly, taking another sip of his whiskey to hide the flush he could feel creeping up his neck onto his face. “Good. I just… I don’t want you to think we don’t want you here.” We. We, We, We. Why cant he say it? ‘I.’ ‘I want you here. I need you here.’ “I don’t want to think about losing you again, Cas. When Jack was born and we lost you, I… They weren’t fun times, Cas. I couldn’t cope then, and if it happened again… it would break me, Cas.”

“You’ll find a way.” Castiels word dredged up an awful lump in his chest. Something about what he said just not sitting right. “You and Sam managed without me before. You’ll find a way to move on.”

“What?” Dean spluttered, straightening up from his slanted position. “Cas, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m just… being realistic.” Cas said, taking a moment to settle on his words. “There’s a chance we may not win this fight at all, and there’s an even greater chance that some of us aren’t going to make it out. I know it’s not really something in any of our control, but if it comes down to it, I’m ready for the end, Dean. All I had to live for was my mission. To watch over humanity. I’m still trying to uphold that mission. But you need to remember that I was given another mission, once - To save Dean Winchester. I’m still trying to do that. I’ll never stop trying to do that, Dean.”

“Then we have a problem, Cas.” Dean told him calmly. “Because I’m sure as hell not letting you throw yourself in the firing line again. Not for me. And you can bet damn sure that I’m throwing myself in the way if I see you try and pull that shit.”

“Dean-,”

“No, Cas.” Dean said sharply. “I can’t do it anymore. I’m not losing you… not again.”

Castiel’s jaw shifted ever so subtly, a shiny sheen to his eyes that Dean isn’t used to seeing. Dean was doing his best to catch Castiel’s eyes, but they were fixated on the glass in his hands. Castiel’s grip was so tight that his knuckles had begun to turn a milky white, and Dean wondered how close the glass was to shattering. Yet, Castiel didn’t seem angry. This was something else, and there was nothing Dean could do but wait for Castiel to say something.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

There it was. The world ending? Dean didn’t panic. Just those few words from Cas? It was like someone had poured ice-cold water over him, nothing but dread sinking down and spreading to every inch of his body. Those words never meant anything good. Dean let the silence between them stretch on for a moment more, knocking his drink back and swallowing down every last drop. It still wasn’t enough. There wasn’t enough alcohol in this bunker, hell, there wasn’t enough in all of existence that would numb what was about to come.

“Tell me.”

Dean didn’t mean to bark the words as sharply as he did, but it was enough for Castiel to shrink in on himself and for a muscle under his eye to twitch as he cringed away from Dean’s harsh tone. “I didn’t want to worry you or Sam. We had a lot to deal with at the time, and things just kept getting worse after that. There never seemed to be a good time to tell you.”

‘At the time…’ Those were the keywords Dean picked out. This meant that whatever it was, Cas had been keeping it a secret for a while. At least, enough time to warrant those words. Dean didn’t say anything in response, waiting quietly for Castiel to continue.

“I thought it would be a kindness to hide it from you. Maybe it would make it easier… Now, I’m not too sure.”

“Cas.” Dean said as calmly as he could, considering the situation. “What did you do?”

“I made a deal.”

Dean closed his eyes, an odd mixture of a sigh and a groan escaping his throat. He tilted his head back until his neck couldn’t crane back any further. “What kind of deal?”

“To save Jack.” Of course. Of course, he would. “I did find Jack in heaven. I didn’t lie about that. Except… the Empty didn’t agree with the decision of Jack’s placement. It believed that, since Jack was part angel, he belongs to the Empty.”

“Couldn’t, y’know, the angels stop it?”

“No.” Castiel stated sadly. “Dean, there aren’t many angels left. I saw to that myself. We as a species are near extinction. I doubt the last few alive would be willing to risk their lives, to risk heavens destruction, to keep a Nephilim up there with them.”

“…Why would it risk heaven?”

“Heaven cannot exist without angels, Dean. We as beings are made from divine energy. We serve as Heaven’s batteries. Without us… it can no longer function. The destruction it would wreak on Earth would be catastrophic. Billions of souls would be cast back out to Earth with no way back. If that were to happen, the reapers may just have to place souls in the Empty anyway.”

“Alright…” Dean said tiredly, trying to massage away a throbbing headache he could feel building, rubbing across the pressure underneath his forehead.

“I couldn’t let that happen, Dean. I couldn’t let Jack be taken like that. So I offered myself to it, instead.”

If Dean clenched his jaw any tighter, he would probably crack a few of his teeth. But it was all he could do to stop himself from punching his fist through the wooden table, so it would have to do. “How long?” Dean croaked out, opening his eyes and feeling the harsh burn of tears building, fighting to speak past the lump that had appeared in his throat.

“I don’t know.” Castiel’s answer sent a new wave of iciness down Dean’s back. “It didn’t want me right away. The deal was… it said it would only take me once I allowed myself to feel happy. I don’t know what it means by that, but that’s when it said it would take me. So truthfully Dean, I don’t know.”

Dean didn’t say anything. Not that there’s really anything to say. At least, nothing that isn't a slew of curses and hate-filled words towards the universe. He’s already fighting against the impulse to take the glass in his hands and throw it against the concrete walls of the bunker as hard as he could and listen to it shatter into a million pieces. Just as the anger inside of him feels like it’s about to simmer over, it all seems to drain out of him as quickly as it had come.

Things are different now. It feels like there’s no time for anger. Especially not towards Cas, and especially not now. Something mystic was looming over Castiel, ticking away his seconds until it snatches him away. Only when Castiel finds himself out of the misery Chuck had forced upon them will the Empty take Cas away from him.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair, and it’s not even him it’s happening to. How selfish is he for that? Cas is the one that should be moping. Cas is the one who has more than one powerful being planning his demise, and all Dean can think about is how this is going to affect him. Because it will. It will absolutely destroy him, just as it did before.

“We’ll find a way.” Dean croaked out. “We’ll get you out of this, Cas. We always do.”

“No, Dean.” Castiel shook his head woefully. “This isn’t something you can fix. Please, Dean. If… when it comes, don’t try and stop it. You can't fight the Empty.”

“You know I can't do that, Cas.”

“You’ll have to.” Castiel’s tone left no room for arguments. Not that it would stop Dean from trying. “Dean, the Empty isn’t something you can fight.”

“Me and Sam said the same thing about demons over ten years ago.” Dean pointed out firmly. “We found a way, didn’t we? Every being has its weakness, we just gotta find it.”

“Not this. Not the Empty. It’s… it’s not even in existence, really. Something that sits in between. The Empty was here before God, before Amara, before… everything.”

“How is that possible?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to wrap my head around it.”

“So what’s it been doing all this time?”

“Sleeping.” Castiel answered.

“What?”

“It does just as every other being in the Empty does – sleep for eternity.”

“Okay…” Dean said slowly. “Okay, then… why is it awake now?”

“Jack.” Castiel responded. “After Lucifer stabbed me through my heart, it was just… blackness. Nothingness. Then I heard Jack calling my name, and when I awoke, I was surrounded by it. Jack hadn’t just woken up me, but the Empty too. And the Empty does not like being awake.”

“Jack woke it up, then?”

“Not purposefully. At least, I don’t think so. All I know is that the Empty could not return to sleep whilst I was awake. After I… proved I was not going to lay down and fall back asleep, the Empty decided the best course of action would be to throw me back out. I think the Empty may have held a grudge against me after that. It certainly wasn’t happy to see me again when I was searching for Ruby.”

Dean sighed heavily at the reminder of that day. “That was a stupid fucking risk you took, Cas.”

“I did what I had to.” Castiel defended himself.

“And what if the Empty decided to take you early, huh? What then?”

Castiel went suspiciously quiet after Dean said this, dropping his gaze back down to the whiskey bottle. Dean gave him a few seconds to pick at the corner of the label on the bottle before his patience ran thin.

“Cas?”

“It tried.” Castiel let his eyelids flutter shut as he answered. Perhaps to block out Dean’s reaction to his answer. “It seems that whilst Jack was in the Empty, a discussion was had between Jack, the Empty and Billy – or, I suppose Death now. From what the Empty and Billy know; you, Jack, and Sam are needed to help bring down Chuck and keep the universe functioning. Apparently… I am not needed in that regard. I am not a part of the plan, so… the Empty didn’t see any harm in keeping me there.”

“Jesus, Cas.” Dean cursed sharply. “If we hadn’t got back when we did - if Jack hadn’t returned your grace to you when he did…”

“It was fortunate timing.”

Dean knocked his glass out of the way with the back of his hand, letting it slide across the table until it bumped against the wall. Dean leaned further forward against the table, his arms crossed underneath him as he stared directly into Cas’s eyes. “The Empty’s wrong. You are needed.”

“No, Dean. I’m not.”

“Yes, you damn are.” Dean stated resolutely. “If I’m needed for this plan, then I need you here with me, too. That’s just how it works, Cas. So don’t you dare tell me you’re not needed. Because I need you.”

Castiel could really give Sam a run for his money with his puppy-dog eyes, especially with those damn baby blues of his. They were way too effective in conversations like these- they usually sucked all the arguments Dean had formed right out of his head. If he wasn’t as strong of a man as he was, looking at them for more than five seconds would probably reduce him to a puddle on the floor. “I’m sorry for causing you this grievance, Dean. But I’m not sorry for making the deal. It was the only option I had at the time.”

“I know, Cas” Dean reached out a hand to pat Castiel’s arm. “I want to be pissed at you for it, but I can’t. Me and Sam have made more deals that upset the other than I can count… It just… it sucks.”

“Yes, it does indeed ‘suck’,” Castiel raised two fingers to put quotation marks over the word. It was enough to get Dean to snort quietly to himself, the sound eliciting a rare, soft smile from Cas; with crow’s feet crinkling at the corners of his eyes and all.

“You never change, Cas.” Dean murmured into the whiskey glass he held to his lips.

“I tried not to.” Castiel replied. “You told me not to, remember? If the person I turned out to be was enough to see you smile that day, I didn’t want to change into anyone else.”

It hurt Dean- knowing he might not hear Castiel say those words again. Such kind words that made his chest feel funny and light, something he hasn’t felt in… in a long, long time. Though now, peering at Cas over his glass, he wonders if that feeling has been there this whole time. Dean wouldn’t put it past himself… Something like that would quickly be filed into the “don’t touch with a ten feet pole” file in his brain… which, now he thinks about it, is filled with interactions with Cas. The first time he saw him smile, the first time his gravelly laughter caught him off guard… The memory of his arm thrown over Cas’ shoulder, the absolutely baffled look on his face as they walked out of that brothel. Even then, Cas had no clue what was going on, but he was smiling – because Dean was.

How about that fact that Cas was willing to lead those crazy toothed leviathan freaks on a never-ending goose chase just to keep him safe in purgatory? Or, the time Castiel gave up everything he knew to help a pair of idiot brothers stop the Apocalypse? Or, perhaps the time he gave up his entire army, all for him? Or how Cas never stopped to help Sam find a way to get the mark of Cain off his arm?

Those were just scratching the surface of the stack of files stores safely away in his mind… When it comes down to it, Castiel has been there. Even when it’s led him to more pain than seems worth it, Cas has stayed by his side. And now, to think in the miracle he, Sam, and Jack make it through all this bullshit, he might not have Castiel there anymore? It’s unthinkable, is what it is. But he’s thinking about it. It’s why he finds himself reaching for the amber bottle in front of him once more.

“So,” Dean gets out once he slams his glass back down on the table. “Last night on earth. Any plans?”

Well, you know what? He doesn’t know how much time he has left with Cas.

The world was ending.

He’s gonna make the most of it, dammit.

Dean turned over his glass, already well aware he’s going to be cleaning off the ring of whiskey from the rim of the glass that’ll be stuck to the table. “I don’t know about you Cas, but I think I’m about ready to settle down for the night.”

Castiel’s eyes followed him curiously as Dean stood from the table, kicking the stool back into its place and patting Castiel’s shoulder for good measure as he makes his way around the table. Castiel has to crane his neck to follow him, eventually having to twist his body around as he watches Dean make his way to the doorway to the kitchen. Dean stops as his foot hits the top stair leading into the hallway, casting Castiel an inquisitive look over his shoulder.

“I said I’m heading in for the night.” Dean repeated, that overwhelming fondness threatening to burst through his chest at the inquiring head tilt Cas gives him in response. “You coming, or what?”

Watching the change of expression on Cas’s face was always something to behold to Dean. Usually such small changes, but at this point, Dean could read Cas like a book. This time? He’s not too sure. The curious look dissolves away, eyebrows straightening back from their furrowed position. He recognizes the wide-eyed look though- that’s the tell-tale sign that Castiel is feeling nervous. He doesn’t know what for, though. Well, maybe he does know why Cas is feeling nervous, if the pounding in his chest has any say… Above all else though, Castiel has his warrior face on. The look before he goes into battle. The look that tries to hide what he’s really feeling, and Dean hopes that he can do something similar, because he’s not sure how much his face is going to give away before he’s ready to say. Maybe that’s a good thing…

Then, Castiel stands from the table. It’s agonizingly slow, the stool screeching as it’s pushed back against the concrete floor of the kitchen. Dean’s heart is in his throat as Castiel picks up the glasses and the whiskey bottle, wandering over to the kitchen sink and delicately placing the glasses inside. Dean didn’t think his mouth could get any drier, watching Cas as he cleans up and places the bottle back inside the cabinet Dean had got it from. He doesn’t know what to expect once Castiel is finished with these chores that, quite frankly, seem like they can wait. But when Castiel is coming at him – and fast- with that blank angel of the lord face, Dean briefly wonders if Cas is about to sucker punch him for the offer. Castiel doesn’t stop though. He crashes straight into Dean, the impact enough for Dean to stagger back a step. Castiel’s hands are wrapped tightly around his back, his fingers scrunched tightly in a death-grip around the back of Dean’s flannel shirt. Dean wraps his own arms around Cas, hands ready to do his usual friendly pat on the shoulder when he instead lets his fingers dig into Cas’s trench coat and pull him even closer. Castiel’s face is burrowed into the crook of his neck, warm breath fanning against Dean’s skin, with his eyes scrunched tight to fight back the tears Castiel can feel burning in the corners of his eyes, threatening to slip free at any moment. Dean let his head fall to rest at Castiel’s shoulder, his breath hitching as he takes in a smell that could only belong to Cas. That weird, otherworldly yet Earthly smell that somehow reminded him that Castiel wasn’t human, yet made Dean feel like he was home. Truthfully, Dean doesn’t know how long they stood there. What he can tell you, is that it wasn’t long enough. It’s never long enough.

“Come on…” Dean mumbled softly under his breath into Cas’s ear. He mourns the loss of Cas’s warmth wrapped around him the second Cas pulls away. Dean lets his hand trail down Cas’s arm as Cas releases him from their embrace, gently grabbing hold of Cas’s wrist and giving it a squeeze, tugging Castiel in the direction of his room. “Let’s go.”

Castiel lets Dean pull him down the hallway, guiding him towards Dean’s room as if Cas didn’t already know. It was more of a sign of permission, Dean thought. A gentle squeeze around Cas’s wrist to say “It’s okay. I want you here with me.” The many rich brown doors to the bunker slowly move across his vision as they amble through the dreary concrete hallways of the bunker, his fingers tightening their grip around Cas’s wrist with every step Dean gets closer to his room. His eyes dart to the side as he passes Sam’s room, and then Jacks. Another day, another situation, he would momentarily panic at the thought of either of them finding Cas in his room. Now? He couldn’t care less. Let them see him and Cas. Let them think what they’re going to think. Dean’s going to let himself be happy, just this once. And deep down he knows that they know Cas makes him happy - so they won’t care. They were all trying to find their little sources of happiness at the moment. That’s all there is, isn’t there? Especially in the lives they lead. When those rare moments pass, you’ve gotta hold on to them. And Dean sure as hell isn’t going to let Cas go until he’s ripped away from him.

The door to his bedroom never seemed so foreboding as it did right now. Dean only pauses for a split-second outside of his door before he gathers up the courage he needs and swings the door open. When he steps inside, he’s immediately met with resistance. Cas was standing as still as a statue, no longer giving in to Dean’s guiding tugs. His eyes were scanning the room like it was the first time he had truly laid eyes on it, and Dean could immediately spot the way his forehead had began to crease with worry. He gives Cas time to work through whatever it is that’s going through his mind right now, only raising a brow in question once Castiel’s searching gaze lands on him.

“Are you sure?” Castiel asks apprehensively. The second Dean starts to feel Cas trying to tug his wrist out of Dean’s grasp, Dean rubs his thumb softly over the surface of his skin. Cas hand immediately relaxes once more, a shudder running through his body as Dean’s thumb swipes across the pulse point on his wrist.

“You’ve gotta stop questioning this, Cas. Otherwise, you’re never gonna get through this door.” Dean replies with a small, comforting smile. “See, this is your problem, Cas. You don’t have faith.”

It doesn’t get the laugh out of Cas like he wanted, but it does at least get him a curl of the lips as the tension that Castiel was holding melted away. Castiel follows willingly now, stepping through the doorframe and into the room. Dean nudges the door closed with his free hand, and just like that, the world outside the door ceased to exist. This was all he knew to be real, right now: The guns hanging on his wall, the picture of him and mom sat atop his desk next to the typewriter, his collection of classic records, the much too comfortable memory foam mattress of his bed. The only irregularity in the room was Cas, stood in front of him with that searching gaze of his, and suddenly everything seemed like it was going to be okay. Because he has Cas, he’s right here. Because surely so long as he keeps a hold on him, nothing can ever take him away.

Right?

Dean sits down on the edge of his bed with a heavy sigh, wincing as he pulled his boots off his sore feet and throwing them somewhere out of sight. He pushed himself further up the bed until his back hits the headboard, twisting around to grab the pillow behind him and place it behind his back. When he turns back to face the front, he has to stifle a bark of laughter at the sight of Cas sat uneasily on the chair by his desk, turned to face Dean with his hands in his lap.

“Cas… What are you doing?”

“I assumed you had invited me in to watch over you.” Castiel replied like the answer was obvious.

Dean did snort this time. “No, you dumbass.” Dean insulted him fondly, patting at the empty space he had left next to him on the bed. “Your space is here.”

A look of what could only be described as “Oh” passed briefly over Castiel’s face as his eyes darted between Dean and the spot he was gesturing to. Castiel stood awkwardly from the chair, gingerly making his way across the room and lowering himself down onto Dean’s bed.

“Your mattress is much more comfortable than mine.” Castiel notes, placing a hand down on the mattress and pushing down to test its springiness.

“Memory Foam.” Dean answered proudly. “I got the only one in the bunker. I didn’t think the quality of a mattress bothered you anymore with your grace back?”

“I can still feel physical touches on my body, Dean. I may not need to sleep or eat, or the other often tedious human requirement, but I still enjoy some of them and are plenty capable.” Castiel said.

“Good.” Dean grunted, reaching out to his bedside cabinet and pulling out his trusty tape player. “That means you’re not gonna be a creep and watch me sleep tonight, right?”

“I can enjoy sleep.” Castiel said in answer. “But I enjoy making sure you’re safe more.”

“I’m safe, Cas.” Dean assured him, briefly turning from the cabinet to face Cas. “Let’s just… I don’t know, be like normal people for a night.”

“But… we aren’t.” Castiel’s voice was laced with confusion. “And I’m not even ‘people’.”

“You’re what you are.” Dean shrugged his shoulders. “And I wouldn’t want you any other way, Cas.”

Dean unplugged his bulky headphone from the player, grabbing the tangled-up earphones he had stuffed in the corner of his drawer. Castiel watches him amusedly as Dean meticulously untangles the mess of wires in his hands, occasionally having to hide his smile whenever Dean cursed in frustration under his breath. When he finally sorts the earphones out and plugs them into the player, he pops open the lid only to reveal there was no tape inside – either he had moved it to Baby or Sam, even possible Jack, had stolen borrowed it.

“Dammit,” Dean mutters, flipping the lid back closed and placing it back on the bedside table. “Give me a second Cas, I’ve gotta go get-“

Dean had begun to push himself up and off the bed when Castiel had placed a hand on his chest to stop him. Dean fell back onto the bed at Castiel’s gentle push, mouth open to ask Cas what he was doing. Castiel slid his other hand into the pocket of his trench coat, pulling out a tape of all things and holding it out to Dean, held between his index and middle finger. Dean’s eyes were immediately drawn to the white sticky tape placed on the side of the cassette; his own handwriting scribbled across in black sharpie.

‘Deans top 13 Zepp TRA XX’

“You know, you’re supposed to have this in your car, not your pocket.” Dean tells him as he takes the offered tape from Cas’s hands.

“I know.” Castiel replied, letting his hand drop back down to his lap. “I do keep it in the car when I’m listening to it. If not, I keep it on me.”

Dean shot Cas a confused frown as he pushed the tape into the slot. “Why?”

“So that I can have a little piece of you wherever I go.”

The cassette clicked and whirred as the tape began to spin inside the player. Dean held out the left earbud for Cas to take, waiting for Cas to pinch the small bud between his fingers before he popped the right earbud into his ear. The wire was a bit too short, meaning one jerk of the head and the earbud would probably pop out. Castiel solved the problem by scooching closer to Dean until his leg brushed up against Dean’s, the warmth from Dean’s skin tangible even through the thick layer of jeans covering him.

For a moment, all that came from the earbuds was a rough, distorted crackling sound. Then, the beautiful melody of ‘Thank You’ poured from the earbuds. Dean felt the muscles in his body relax as the familiar music surrounded him. It reminded him of long road trips with John in the Impala, when his dad would inevitably pop his Led Zeppelin tape into baby’s cassette player and drive for miles and miles, classic rock and baby’s purring engine as their soundtrack. Dean could almost hear the rhythmic tapping of John’s fingers against the worn leather of baby’s steering wheel, finding his own fingers tapping along with the music against his thigh.

Dean let his head fall back to the headboard, his eyelids drifting shut as the back of his head met the old and sturdy wood. Castiel peered at Dean from the side at the movement, smiling tenderly to himself at the sight of Dean so at peace. It was no surprise that this is where the tape picked up from - Castiel often rewound the tape to this song over and over again whenever he could take the time to sit down and listen to it.

Castiel’s gaze was drawn down to Dean’s tapping fingers – or, more specifically, his fingers that had now stilled. Dean’s hand twitched, and Castiel wondered for a moment if Dean had managed to fall asleep in the short amount of time they had been listening to the tape. Castiel takes a risk, reaching down hesitantly and letting his fingertips trail over the roughened skin of Dean’s hand. It’s not until he lets his fingers rest over the back of his hand that he feels Dean’s tense up under his touch – apparently, Dean had not fallen asleep. Castiel had already pulled his hand away, an apology on the tip of his tongue when Dean does the unexpected. He flips his hand over, palm facing up as it rested on his right leg. Castiel’s eyes flicker up to Dean’s face, but he still has his eyes shut – though, they aren’t screwed shut, which Castiel takes as a good sign. Dean didn’t look uncomfortable. In fact, he looked quite the opposite. It might have been the most relaxed he had ever seen Dean; apart from when he’s unconscious, but he isn’t too sure if that counts.

Timidly, Castiel places his hand back into Dean’s. Dean’s palm is warm and calloused from years of wielding weapons capable of taking down nearly every known creature, to years of running his hands over the well-loved steering wheel of the Impala. These were hunter's hands, and Castiel could barely believe he had the privilege to hold them in his own. Castiel’s breath hitched when he felt Dean’s fingers curl between his own, his thumb wrapping around the side of Cas’s palm and squeezing his hand tenderly.

The last of ‘Thank You’ faded away, soon to be replaced with ‘Rain Song’ - another particular favorite of Castiel’s (though truth be told, he loved all of them.) For a moment, he could almost pretend all of his problems no longer existed. He could pretend this was a different world, a different life. He wasn’t a disgraced angel of the lord that rebelled against God’s plan. He wasn’t the unexpected father who gave up the rest of his life so that their son could escape the Empty’s wrath. He was just… himself. He was Castiel, sat next to the one man who did what was supposed to be impossible; he made an angel feel.

Castiel didn’t know the words to use. He didn’t know if he could get them out, or if Dean would even listen to him. Dean was stubborn in that way, pretending that his death wouldn’t be coming so long as Castiel didn’t say his last goodbyes. He supposed it made it official when said out loud like that. The words ‘Thank You’ don’t seem good enough to explain his appreciation to Dean. Billions of years on this earth, and somehow this one man made twelve years of them the most important. All of this, the man he’s become, would never have happened if he hadn’t been chosen to dive into the depths of hell and rescue the gleaming soul that was falling asleep next to him.

He could still remember the flames. The burning. The screams of the innocent all around him. The stench of sulfur as he plummeted down. He lost many good soldiers that day, all willingly sacrificed for a mission they truly believed in. He hadn’t known, then. Of the effect Dean Winchester would have on his life. And yet, as he held a broken Dean to his chest, holding on so tight that he seared his handprint into Dean’s shoulder, he still yelled to the heavens in his joy.

Dean Winchester Is Saved

It had been a yell powerful enough to awaken a fallen angel. A yell that pierced through the minds of every angel, blocking out the multiple other voices on the angel radio with his own. It was the only message that mattered, at least in his own mind. Now, there aren’t many angels left. Soon, there will be one less. Again, he wants to scream to the heavens. He wants to shout to the universe of the wonderful man he has fallen completely and utterly in love with, he wants to yell to a caring God to please, protect him. Let him live the happy life he deserves.

But God isn’t listening. God doesn’t want good things for them.

So, he won’t think about all that. He’ll peel his trench coat from his arms and lay it over Dean’s slumbering form. He’ll pull off his suit jacket, neatly and carefully fold it so he doesn’t tug on the earphones, and place it on the foot of the bed. He’ll let himself sink into the memory foam mattress until it wraps itself around his body. He’ll let the corner of his lips lift when Dean’s head drops down to rest on his shoulder. He’ll rest his head against the top of Dean’s, and he’ll let his eyes droop, and he’ll let himself be pulled under into a gentle slumber with Dean’s hand still held securely in his own.

Because he doesn’t know if this is the last night they’ll ever get together. He doesn’t know if this is the end. If the world was ending.

He thinks he’s allowed to be selfish.

Just this once.

#Destiel #destiel fanfiction #Destiel fanfic #Dean Winchester/Castiel #castiel/dean winchester

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