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♡ 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐢𝐟𝐞 | 𝐂.𝐉𝐇 ♡
Day Twenty-Nine - Giant Au (Ft. Size Kink)
【Synopsis】 : Being betrothed and shipped off to far away from your kingdom was the least of your worries when you saw exactly who you were marrying...
『Word count』 : 4.50k
-> Genre: Smut. DND. Pwp. Slightly Angsty. Romance.
Pairing: Half-Giant!Jongho x Human!Reader
[Warnings] : Mentions of being sold off. Toxic family live. Giant Queen Seonghwa, with his human husband Hongjoong cause why not hehe. Jongho IS the standard. Making out. Jonghos tongue is huge (everything about him is huge). Jongho is eleven feet tall (yes, you read that right). Nipple/Breast play. Petnames. Dirty talk. Oral (both rec). Jerking off. Humping? Thigh fucking. Body fucking?... Fingering. Multiple orgasms. Squirting.
Note: Please, please! I HIGHLY recommend everyone to go check out @Zylkco on instagram or twt. When i came across these pics on pinterest (the ones in the banner), I FLIPPED out! It took me ages to find the artist, but arggh now that i have. Its safe to say all of their content is absolutely amazing. But anywhoo, this fic is inspired by their amazing art. ♡♡
Also another note, I tried really hard to describe the different sizes given Jongho is a giant and the reader is human. So if something doesnt makes sense ignore it. Blame the dnd logic hehe.
Networks: @wonderlandnet @illusionnet @cromernet @k-vanity
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It wasn't like you hated your parents for the arranged marriage, really. It was more of a frustration that they didn't consult you prior to it. You wanted to be able to choose your own husband and forge your own path in the royal society. But alas, you had awoken one morning to your maid and dear friend bringing you the news of your new engagement.
The day is still a blur no matter how hard you try and remember it. You were fitted for a dress, sent to the court for approval, signed a bunch of marital wavers, stood in front of the king and queen—your dear parents— to be blessed and for their "approval", and before you knew it, the ceremony was completed, and you were being shipped off the the unknown lands—with a few of your belongings and a quick farewell from your family— to your darling husband. And who was your husband, you might wonder. You didn't hadn't the faintest clue.
Every time you were to ask anyone from the courts of your soon to be other half, they all went pale, quiet, and uncomfortable. Like speaking of him was a worse fate than death. Was he some beast? A ghoulish, hideous man that had paid for your hand? Was he a cruel creature who wanted a human to be his little play thing? All these thoughts did cross your mind throughout the day, spiralling into a ball of anxiety that sat right at the back of your throat. Your parents had reassured you, and by reassure they briefly said the marriage was for "unification and politics" before telling you to never bring it up ever again until after the ceremony when you were leaving for his kingdom forever.
So you here you sat, in your carriage awating the inevitable with a strong will and a unreadable expression. If there was one thing in your life growing up as the third daughter in your family, it was that you were just another chess piece in the royal game. You were no Knight, nor Rook, or Bishop. You were a pawn. A foot soldier to serve and protect the queen and king.
"We are here, princess." Your lady-in-waiting snapped you from your unruling thoughts, almost gifting you room to breath for a moment. Your eyes wandered to the little window in your carriage, seeing a ginormous castle. One that reached higher than the skies. The architecture was old, older than the first man. It had stood here tall for centuries and even then some. "Are you ready, Your Highness?"
You cleared your throat before existing the carriage. You could already see the coachman and baggage handler take you luggage off quickly, seemingly wanting not to be around when your husband and his workers arrive. Who could cause this much fear in humans? Vampires, elvin, and fae alike were at peace with your kind. Werewolves were unbothered by most, and Orcs, Barbarians, and ogers stick amongst their kind and would not need to take part in a political treaty. So what were you missing. The only other creature in the nine kingdoms that you could think of was...
"All the heavens above." The coachman gasped, shaking like a leaf while crossing his arm along his chest before rushing off for his seat on the carriage once against. The baggage boy was not fair trailing behind as a thump, thump, thump, shook the ground lightly. It couldn't be, your parents wouldn't...
"My darling wife." His deep mellow voice rang in your ears, making a smile grow on your features. All the horrible thoughts, the deepening anxiety, had quickly washed away as you turned to face where the voice had come from.
Your eyes met his with sparkle, a sparkle that didn't go unnoticed by the halfling-giant. His grey pale skin lightly dusting pink as he mimicked your smile. Your fingers laced in with your dress as you scanned to see his mother behind him. His mother was watching your every move with just as much curiosity as both your lady-in-waiting and the two men on the carriage. So, with a deep breath, you curtsy. "My dearest husband."
You were quickly shuffled inside the large estate, your maid following you close by before the other smaller worker giants that only ranged between six-to-nine feet tall hurried her off to the other humans maid quarters. You stood up straight next to your husband, Prince Jongho, while you watched the queen wave off the a florist that held a huge arrangement of flowers, finally leaving the three of you alone.
"Ah, now that we are alone." The queen sighed, pinching his nose lightly while he watched the last of his workers leave the ballroom to give the three of you privacy. This was the moment your body began to shake as you turned your neck slightly to the eleven foot tall man beside you. His gummy smile was beaming as he eyebrows raised with anticipation.
"Yeeeeeee." You squealed, jumping for the giant, letting him grab your small waist as he lifted you with no effort as he could hug your figure. Your feet were off the ground as your arms wrapped as best as they could around his neck, holding him tightly. "Jongho, you ass!!"
"Language!" His mother, the queen scoffed a laugh, finding the moment between you both adorable.
"I'm sorry, Queen Seonghwa..." You addressed Jongho's mother by his first name, feeling relief rush through you. Jongho let you back to the floor, dusting the layers of your dress. "I was under the impression I was going to be married off to some bog creature. No one, not even my parents, would tell me who I was betrothed to." You sighed, tilting your head slightly with a hand on your pounding heart, finally feeling some relief from the gruling endeavour today.
"Strange? I've known for the past month that i as betrothed, and then I was told two days ago you were going to be my wife" He looked over at his mother, and Seonghwa just shook his head slightly. He knew your parents all too well. They have been fearful of the giant clans for decades. But contrary to popular belief, giants weren't these creatures of cruelness, gold hoarding, and war. They were peaceful, gentle, and wise. But people see size and decide for themselves what is deemed good and bad.
"I'm sorry dear. This was planned for many months. I suggested a betrothal to unite our kingdoms, beating the alternative your father gets restless and chooses war...again." Seonghwa sighed, pouring a glass of wine by the table near the window. The large gauntlet was at least two sizes too big for your hands. You glanced at the interior of the room, taking in the beautiful architecture while your mind wondered. Your father was the type of man to go to war over the stupidest things. So, for Jongho's mother to suggest marriage, even though he always said to "find love with your heart, not the mind of society," must have meant he had no other choice.
"It's okay." You gave him a crooked smile before chuckling almost painfully, "at least it wasn't any of my other sisters... they wouldn't have taken this offer with such open arms like me." You looked back to Jongho, seeing him watch your every move. You still remember the day you met him. He was practising archery in the woods by the border of your kingdom. You had never met a giant, let alone a half-bred one of that, so the minute you saw him completely focused on his bow and arrow, you became infatuated. He, of course, saw you instantly, finding it nice to meet more humans other than his staff and his father.
"Well, I have a wedding to plan. And normally, with human traditions, you're not allowed to see one another before, but I think we can make an expectation. Just so you can settle in. Hhm?" Seonghwa downed the rest of his drink before fixing his hair slightly with a smile, "I'm going to go find your father. He's probably in his study again.”
As you hear Seonghwa’s heels, click off into the distant hall. You are suddenly left with your thoughts again. You could feel Jongho’s eyes on you, watching, waiting. He wasn’t going to lie. The first day he met you, he was smitten. He still remembers the look on his parents' faces when he came home with a passionate grin on his face. They both knew he was in love before he even did. He spent nights dreaming of you after that, the cute little human that gave him her undying attention.
“Let me show you to our quarters.” Jongho’s voice was staggering, almost nervous. But your little smile made his heart at ease slightly. Walking through the corridors of the large estate was nothing more than out of your fairytales. It even puts your own home to shame. It was lavish, well kept, and filled with endless antiques and history. You could spend days wandering and would never get tired. “This is our room.”
Jongho's soft voice draws you from your thoughts as you gaze inside the decorative room. Everything was in pairs, you noticed. Two wine glasses on the counter, one small and one large. A perfect fit for you and your soon to be husband. Chairs both various sizes and so forth. Jongho's family really did know about this arrangement for months given how much they had prepared, and your parents didn't even bother to tell you that you were getting married until the day of your departure.
Deep down you knew it was because both Your mother and father hated the idea of owning their actions and this would have definitely caused you to flip out if you didn't know who and when you were to be married. So waiting for the day was skillfully planned in their eyes. Even if it did hurt their daughter, they did not care.
“You like it…” Jongho asked nervously, fiddling with his fingers as he watched you inspect the room delicately. You nodded, giving him a small smile before a sigh.
“It's beautiful, perfect in fact. I'm just…” You didn't wish to taint the mood. This was your wedding day, after all. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, not some moopy mess.
“You wished it happened differently…” A part of Jongse's words indicated himself, meaning he was not the one you wanted. It hurt him to admit it, but he knew if you didn't love him, he would still try and make this marriage to your liking. If you wanted to see other men, have a relationship, or bear someone elses children, he would be ready and glad to give you that. He would give you the moon if you so wished. Rather seeing you happy was all he could wish for.
You turned to him, grabbing his one hand with both of yours, your fingers only just wrapping around his pointer finger. “I couldn't have wished for anything better. I'm so glad it was you who I saw walk out from those doors. I was dreading all day what ghoulish creature paid for my hand.” You bring his hand up to your face, nuzzling on his palm slightly. “But it was you. my big giant, saving me yet again.”
You hinted at your feelings and the first encounter you shared. In truth that day you met him in the woods you weren't there to stroll around but in fact you were hiding from one of your parents courters sons that had wished to “get to know you more” As he put it. But with wandering hands and bad breath you knew what he wanted from you and it caused a panic, so you fled into the forest for some air, and instead of finding solace and peace you found your giant. When Lucas, the court's son, managed to finally find you. He was quick to run upon seeing such a “Huge Beast”. Jongho had a few remarks of his own that day, which still manages to make you laugh every time you think back to them.
Jongho couldn't help but chuckle at the pet name. Using the hand you held to brush any stray hair out of your face. He looked at you with nothing but love and devotion, something you are very unfamiliar with. It sent a tingle down your spine, and as his hand travelled to your hip, almost engulfing your entire side, you gulped.
You glanced for a moment around the spacious chamber, finally setting your eyes on a massive bed that dominated the room. "It's so big," you remarked gently, your voice quiet and quaint. Jongho blushed for a moment, biting his inner cheek at your choice of words.
"Wanna test it out," Though his query was innocent, the lingering of desire was brewing just below the surface making his alluringly deep voice send shivers down your spine. You gave him a little smile before agreeing, letting his hand that was resting on your hip to wrap completely around your waist. “Can I…”
You blushed before nodding, knowing what he wanted to do. You lifted your hands so he could easily lift you gently off the ground. And with you comfortably in his hand, he guides you to the bed, feeling an electric spark passing between one another with every step. He let you go as soon as you got to the edge, letting you fall with a ‘oof’ onto the soft sheets. You sighed with a bright smile, feeling content on the bed, letting your eyes flutter closed for a moment, taking in the surroundings.
Jongho watched you as you visibly started to relax. All the anxiousness and frustration from your parents began to wash away, leaving nothing but contentment and peace. Jongho took a seat next to you, laying down on his back while putting his arm under the back of his head. You sneakily open one eye, watching your friend shuffle gently. You couldn't help but smirk at his care to detail, not wanting to disturb you.
You both laid there in silence for a moment, just taking everything in. But you couldn’t help but think about the arrangement in full. This marriage is nothing but political in the eyes of the courts. Both of you coming from races that couldn't be more different from the other. Your cultures, your laws, myths, morals. Everything is different. Especially size.
You can't lie. The idea of seeing what Jongho is packing didn't bring your mouth to water and your thighs to clench. But of course, you knew he'd be too big to ever fit inside you. You had heard of elixirs that grant you a large size or to shrink. So maybe one day you could use one of them to… Perform your marital duties. But for now, being with him like this would be just as enjoyable.
“Jongho. Do you want to have sex with me?” You don't know why you blurted that out like that, but it made the poor half giant sit up dead straight getting a head rush as he did.
“W-what…” Jongho gulped, leaning on his hand so he could turn his body towards yours.
“Like… I mean, I've always loved you, and getting married to you is single-handedly one of the greatest things ever—woah, wait, slow down.” Jongho cut off your rambling, both your and his cheeks flustered with embarrassment and shock.
Jongho's face lit up with a grin, and he let out a nervous laugh. "I agree marrying you is great but…” he stared at you for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking. “I love you too. I was so scared to tell you. I thought you'd never want to marry a big, clumsy giant like me..."
You took his hand in your small one, a boldness surging through you. "You're not clumsy. You're perfect. And I can't wait to be your wife properly." With that, you leaned forward, to stand. Jongho got the hint, leaning down, his eleven foot frame towering your small human figure. His mouth met yours in a passionate kiss. You felt Jongho's tongue slip past your lips, exploring your mouth, its size filling you entirely making you gag slightly. But you couldn't help but moan softly, a sound that seemed to spur Jongho on.
“Come here…” he chuckled, slipping his tongue out of your throat, his fingers finding the laces on your dress, snapping them. You gasped, looking at him with wide eyes.
“I liked this dress.” You huffed, letting the corset lining fall off you along with all the other layered material of the gown.
“I'll get you a new one. A better one.” Jongho grunted, helping you throw the dress away onto the floor of the room. You were left in your undergarments as Jongho moved to his suit, tugging off all the buttons and material he could until he was completely bare. Your eyes almost popped out of your head when you saw his cock spring free from his garments. He was huge, almost the size of your whole waist length and as Jonghos hand wrapped around the appendage to pump himself you noticed…
Hes only half hard.
“Fuck…” You gulpped, feel the biggest urge to touch his throbbing cock. But Jongho had other plans as he helping you pull off the rest of your underwear, he laid you down on the soft pillow while he sat on his side, one of his large arms caging above while while the other tucks under your ass, letting your legs hang over his forearm.
“My pretty wife.” His whisper sent shivers down your spine. As he gave you a short, sweet kiss. His tongue travelled to lather your neck before slipping between the valley on your breasts. Your gasp was short and staggered as he latched his lip to your hardened nipples. His mouth almost covered your whole breasts, but with hands flying to his soft head of hair, you knew your lover boy was on a mission. “So perfect.”
His sweet grunts made your head spin as he kissed along your figure, his large fingers pinching your nipples as his tongue lapped at your navel all the way to your pelvis. “Want me to…”
Jongho’s voice was deeper than normal, filling with lust as he spread your legs wide. He eyed your dripping cunt waiting patiently for you to let him have his way. “I mean sure… If you wan—oh fUCK!!”
His tongue flattened against your cunt as his left hand held your securely while the right cupped your breast. His large fingers lazily squeezed your body while his tongue lapped at your juices all the while your own hands tugged his hair sharply earning a gravelled groan from Jongho. Your body felt like it was heating up quicker than you could react, and before you could say anything, you felt Jongho's large tongue slip inside your waiting hole. It was almost same thicken of a normal human cock maybe a little bit smaller in girth but, fuck did it make you see stars. “JONGHO!! Nangh!!”
Your body shook as your high slowly began to die down, Jongho slowly slipping his tongue from your sensitive hole. “Felt good?” Jongho murmured, coming back up so his face was inches from yours. You nodded, grabbing his face before whimpering against his lips, “Very good.”
He rolled you over so you could climb onto his huge chest. Your kiss broke while you sat up to smile at him. “Your turn. Husband.” You purred, making Jongho chuckle at the title you gifted him.
“I have no complaints about that.” He gave you one of his signature gummy smiles. With your bare pussy on his abdomen he grabbed you gently by the waist tugging you towards him. “Come here, my love. Let me bite those perfect tits while I sort myself out.”
“No…Wait, let me do it for you.” You brushed his hand off you so you could turn around. You felt your inhibitions melt away as you responded with boldness you didn't know you possessed. "I want to do it for you..." With that, you crawled towards his waiting cock letting Jongho see your pretty pussy dripping as you stood on all fours.
“Fuck…knock yourself out, baby.” He groaned as he watched you straddle his pelvis, grinding against him while you wrapped your legs around his appendage, his length being the same size as you from neck to the bottom of your waist.. “It might not be a good fit, but you still like it, don’t you.”
Jongho chuckled, his filter dropping with all his nerves finally washing away. You whimpered in response, grabbing his tip with both hands as you said, “Yes..I like it a lot.” Your tongue licked along his long slit. “I love it…” Using two hands, you pumped his shaft while you swallowed his precum that dripped out. Your small tongue might not be much but the feeling of your whole body practically humping against his whole cock got Jongho aching for more.
“Fuck baby, use your body more.” He felt like he was about to lose control, grabbing your ass to push you against his cock more.
“Like this?” You moaned feeling his cock rubbed against your clit perfectly. He let out a staggering, ‘yes like that.’ before thrusting your body a little bit harsher.
“You’re really enjoying this, aren't you?”Jongho groaned, his hands holding your hips firmly as he guided your movements. "Your little cunt is dripping on my cock." You giggled, a playful glint in your eye as you spat on to his tip before slurping it up so you could take as much of him in your mouth as you could—which wasn't a lot at all.
“Wait, this gives me an idea…” He suddenly stopped his movements, wrapping his hand about your waist to tug you off his cock you looked over your shoulder seeing Jongho dishevelled. Panting with blown out pupils. “I'm going to be a little rough with you, is that okay?”
You nodded watching as Jongho, with a firm motion, lifted your whole body as if you were just a little doll, positioning you so that your thighs were wrapped around his cock, his hands tightly digging into your flesh while your back rested against his large heaving chest. Your breath quickened as you looked up at Jongho, your eyes reflecting your desire. And slowly, he started to jerk himself off with your thighs, his head falling back against the pillows as his mouth hung open, spewing out filth and whines. “Just relax. I'll move your little body…Fuck you feel so good.”
You gasped feeling your clit rub harshly against his shaft while his increasing harsh thrust caused a mixture of pleasure and excitement to cross your face. You watched as his cock slid through your wet, soaking thighs, feeling your hole clenched hard, begging for the day when you could have him inside you. You helped by squeezing your legs tighter as you noticed his heels dig into the mattress more while he picked up his thrusts. Both you and his grunts and groans fill the room.
Your hands gripped his chest, your nails digging into his skin as you met his thrusts with your own eager movements, chasing your own high. You could feel your orgasm building, a coil of pleasure in the pit of your stomach, ready to explode. "Jongho, I'm so close," you cried out, your voice hoarse with desire.
With a final, powerful thrust, Jongho pushed himself tightly between your plump thighs. He let you go grabbing his own cock to jerk himself vigorously. You felt Jongho's cock twitch against your opened sticky thighs, his thick, hot cum spilling all over your body. Ropes after ropes of his juices coat your waist, face and even some in your hair. The sensation pushed you over the edge, as you cried out, your body shaking as your orgasm washed over you.
“Fuck, hell can swallow me whole. That was the hottest thing ever. I'm definitely keeping this in mind.” Jongho panting, his hand gently stroking your hair.
But you rotate, facing him. “Uh…J-Jjongie.”
“Hm?” Jongho finally sat his head up, his dark eyes gazing upon your dishevelled and ruined figure. The way his cum drips slowly down your chin, between your breast and pooling onto his chest. He couldn't help but groan. “Oh fuck… Sorry about that, love.”
“It's okay… Could you just h-help me, please?” You tried to wipe some of the cum off your face with a pout. He quickly reached for the sheet that had bunched up before using it to wipe you clean as best as you can.
“Sorry my love. Not gonna lie, though. You look really hot right now…” He chuckled, throwing the sheet somewhere in the room. You gaze at him for a moment, not realising you were pouting as your wide eyes bored holes into Jongho. It was only when he started chuckling that you noticed what you were doing. “What is it, baby? You need more?”
He hands grabbed your ass pulling your cheeks apart as his eyes narrow “Need me to fill you up?” You nodded shyly, blushing like crazy. He slips one finger inside your sensitive cunt, thrusting slowly making you shiver as you moan his name over and over. He couldn't help but bite his bottom lip as he scrunched his nose while grunting. “Wanna another on baby. Do you think you can take two?”
“Yes yes please hurry.” You whine spreading your legs further so he could sink another finger deep inside you.
“So impatient baby. Are you close already?” He growled, drilling his fingers into you harshly. Squelching wet noises echo in the room as your voice pitches higher as you get closer and closer to your orgasms. “Wow, I barely put them in, and you're already close. You're gonna cum around my fingers, love.”
“Fuck, yes!” your eyes squeezed shut as you felt yourself tip over the edge squirting all over his fingers.
As your passions calmed, and Jongho withdrew from your cunt slowly, a slick trail of cum connecting his fingers to your ruined pussy momentarily. You smiled, a satisfied grin on your face as you snuggled on top of his chest, your hand slowly drawing circles against his sweaty skin. “Satisfied, my love?”
“Hmm, I'll be more happy when I finally get to walk down the aisle and get married to my giant husband.” You whispered, a mischievous glint in your eye
Jongho pulled you close, his arms wrapping around you protectively. "I can't wait either, my tiny wife.”
#cromernet#wonderlandnet#Illusionnet#kvanity#ateez#ateez smut#ja3hwa#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez fanfic#ateez scenario#ateez fluff#ateez x reader#ateez reactions#ateez fanfiction#ateez x female reader#ateez x reader smut#ateez fic#atz smut#atz hard hours#atz imagines#atz scenarios#atz x reader#atz fanfic#atz#ateez jongho#jongho x reader#choi jongho#jongho smut#jongho
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Silver Lining | Worst!Logan Howlett x F!Reader
Synopsis: Logan was too familiar with depressive episodes, spending years stuck in his own. He never wanted you to feel the way he did, he wanted to take your pain away.
Warnings: ANGST, like no joke this is just straight up angst/whump with a somewhat happy ending, not character angst but reader angst – or at least that is what I think it would classify as?, mentions of mania, mentions of mental illness, reader screams at everyone and tries hard to make people hate her because she thinks she deserves it, mentions of depression, reader has a depressive episode, crying, self-doubt, mentions of unavailing oneself, language,
Rating: M
Word Count: 3.9K
Author’s Note: You know, at times when there are things you cannot tell anyone about, you write. This happened to be that moment for me. Also I know I said this was going to be angsty but I don't think I did the angst justice enough. I'm not used to writing it so I apologize if it's not full blown whump.
Tagging(?): @battermyheart @plagued-kitty @cxrrodedcoffin @babygorewhore @strangererotica
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“I fucking hate you, leave me alone!” You scream at your apartment door, hearing Wade on the other end banging harder. You didn’t mean any of the words, you wanted to take them all back, you wanted to say you’re sorry and move on. Your hands reach out to tangle in your hair, pulling roughly at the root. Growls of agony and pain tear from your throat as you drop to your knees on the plush carpet, rocking back and forth. “Let me go, please let me go!” None of your words made sense, they felt foreign on your tongue as the pounding got louder, as the screams turned sour. The world faded to black as your head hit the carpet, your throat raw – straining against your sorrows. Footsteps echoed like snow on a winter’s night; The silence was not comforting. Bloodied fists fell beside your face, and Laura’s soft words lulled you to sleep. “We will be here when you’re ready. Please, take care of yourself.”
No one expected that a day full of laughing and bonding would take a hard left turn. No one knew what hid beneath your surface, they never realized how bad it was getting. All they saw was smiles and sunshine radiating off of you, never knowing they were caused by pain. You thought you were getting better, that you weren’t faking it this time – unfortunately your brain never got the memo. None of your words held any meaning; You knew that but you were worried your friends might not. Then again, day one you did tell Wade to not get attached – that was for his own sake when one day you were no longer here. It was an unspoken song in your head – it never rang true but certain times felt like it would, that it may.
Peter’s party was supposed to be fun, celebrating his anniversary of a year with B-15. A full day planned by Wade and Laura. Logan and you were made to keep them both busy for a while, while Al complained about the constant smell of latex balloons. A day you had been looking forward to for weeks; Spending time with Logan while also not feeling pressured into anything. Wade’s constant comments about you two shacking up held some tension between the two of you, sometimes making it awkward to even say hi to him. But this was supposed to be a turning point for the best, the manic episodes a thing of the past. You were finally healing, so you thought. Alas nothing stays the same forever; A little chaos thrown into a beautiful painting can sometimes turn the colors muddy.
Thirteen days it has been since you left your apartment, almost a full two weeks since you spoke to anyone. Text messages gone unanswered, calls gone silent. Knocks at the door becoming few and far in between as the days grew longer. The care packages dwindling down to one every other day than ever four hours. They did care, it wasn’t a bullshit excuse your mind made up, deep down you fucking knew and yet? It didn’t feel right. It was foreign of a concept; A group of people looking out for you because they care. You had been in with every wrong group possible that it ruined any singular chance of trusting their actions. Happy endings were not in your card, so you had convinced yourself. Episodes like this became your only friend, constantly reliving the worst moments over and over until you couldn’t cry anymore. The utter pain on Wade’s face as he cried for you, as Laura tried to help you, as Al reassured you, as Logan held you, were too much to constantly see. The distance was necessary. But never, never would they give up on you.
Over the last two weeks Wade has come by and sat outside your door, recounting missions and how they went to reading the newest Booktok craze in graphic detail, never spearing a moment to see if he could hear you laugh. Instead all he heard was sobs, self-hatred, and pain. It gave you the time to process your rage, to understand it cannot be pointed towards others who were only trying to help, to figure out a way to explain how sorry you are. But you never needed to, because Logan did – and they made sure they let you know. Out of everyone, Logan was rooting for you the most. Looking out for you, making sure no one came to disturb you when he heard your wails of sorrow, letting you feel rather than cause any discomfort. It killed him silently to hear you like this, not to be able to hold you through it, he wanted to do so much more.
Every text that you stomached to read from Logan was always reassuring, never condescending or jokey. Between small quotes he heard over his life of resilience to funny memes he stole from Wade, he was your cheerleader in every way. It helped you to know, even if you didn’t respond. It gave you the confidence to finally get up and take a deep breath, to understand what you were going to say. That was your plan for today and nothing was going to stop you. As soon as you realized in the early afternoon, you spent the rest of the time cleaning up your apartment, taking a shower, and getting your best comfy clothes on to have a sit down chat with everyone. It felt like everything was going to be okay – you felt like you had control over your emotions; This time it would be easy to convey what sparked your episode. Taking a deep breath you opened your apartment door as walked across the hall to Wade’s, keeping your hand steady as you knocked.
The controlled, hard thuds rang through your wrist as you heard a groan come from the other side, inaudible mumbles coming from Althea. A small smirk played across your lips as you heard her rambles, knowing how feisty the older woman is. The door to Wade’s apartment opened quickly as she stood facing you. Seeing Al after a few weeks of going MIA made your throat dry up, only hearing her words of reassurance as you had a breakdown. Instead of speaking you stared at the woman, fingers slightly trembling. Al let out a sad breath, her shoulders slumping slightly. ‘Oh honey, come on in.” How she knew that it was you wasn’t even a question in your mind, just her gentle nature of feeling you made your eyes misty. Al left a decent gap between her and the door as you crossed over the threshold, staring into the comfortable space.
You could tell that Wade and Laura weren’t around, considering how the pull-out mattress wasn’t out still and Wade’s door was wide open. But you knew he was here. As Al closed the door behind the two of you, the third door of the right opened quickly, the wood creaking against the hinges. Standing in the doorway with warm eyes and a stoic stance was Logan, staring at you like he was in disbelief. He didn’t move, he didn’t blink, instead he kept his eyes on your face. Your hair was tucked behind your ears and away from your features; Logan’s eyes trailed over each part with a soft smile on his lips, relief coursing through his veins. “How are you doing?” he asked calmly, not moving a muscle as he gauged your response. The tranquil state you were previously in started to crumble at those four words, your eyes growing tight and blurry as you stared into Logan’s hazel eyes. Your fingers began to shake as your heart raced, a sob threatening to tear from your throat without warning. All you could do was shake your head at Logan’s question, blinking your tears away. Without a thought, you moved fast into Logan as you wrapped your arms around him, pressing your face into his flannel. Everything you had been holding onto for two weeks was already coming out; The dame officially breaking as he held you. “I got you, sshh – you’re okay,” Logan responded as he rubbed your back, tightening his hold on you as you cried.
Logan slowly shuffled you backwards into his bedroom, letting the heavy door shut on its own as he held you the entire way. Due to how lost you were in his sweet embrace, you didn’t realize that you were now in Logan’s room or better yet, laying with him on his bed. Positioning you to face him, Logan never let you go as he pulled you close to him, letting your face press into his neck as he pulled the comforter over the two of you. Short, sweet hums left his lips as he rested his cheek against the top of your head, letting your subconsciously link his thick legs with yours. “I’m proud of you for coming over, you know that?” Those words warmed your chest as you felt your body shiver, the praise meaning everything to you. Pushing your face deeper against the crook of Logan’s neck, you belted out a wail as you gripped his shirt, just knowing it was starting to soak with the runoff of your tears. You shook your head against his chest, slightly digging your nails through his shirt.
Over the last year you watched Logan transform from gruff and rugged emotionally to happy and prideful. Though that hardened shell of his would never leave, he seemed to be a lot lighter mentally. After he became the new anchor being, new resident of Earth-10005, and the new friend of Wade, which all still was confusing to your human brain, he realized that life was so much more than reliving your past – and learning to move forward from it. It was a slow journey for him but, he found solace in the understanding and knowing. Which is why he didn’t hesitate to grab you and pull you close, knowing this only mirrored what you did for him all those months ago. Being on the receiving end of it felt bizarre for you, but it felt like home. You didn’t want to believe it, but it was true. “You shouldn’t,” a low whispered escaped through your sob as Logan trailed his fingers over your back, drawing small shapes against your hoodie.
“But I am, it’s a big first step.” It was true in a way, the first step was always the acknowledgement. Just leaving your apartment was a great first attempt, and now you were really making strides. “We love you so much, I love you, sweetheart.” Hearing Logan say that caused your heart to clench; The game of cat and mouse of feelings you two have been ping-ponging over the last year reached its peak quickly during this whole time, realizing you two were in silent cahoots – there never needed to be a talk about labels when it happened to naturally. Neither one of you would admit it but, you were together way before any of this went down. Swallowing down the smartass retort wanting to slip off your tongue, you sank your nails a bit deeper into his shirt, feeling his hiss come out. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean, Lo. Do you know how to love?”
You hated yourself for those words, knowing you didn’t mean it but let it go anyways. A typical defense tactic to push people away. Logan knew it too which is why he never responded, only snickered at your persistence. He knew exactly how you would react, knowing from your past conversations about your previous episodes. Running his beard across the side of your cheek, Logan nodded against your face as he spoke, “I love Wade. I love Laura. I love Al. And most importantly, I love you.” Hearing him say again that he loved you should’ve been one of the happiest moments, knowing you both were making great strides in your relationship, yet it left a burning hole of lies in your chest. You scoff at Logan’s declaration, a fresh wave of warm tears cascading down your cheeks as you push your face further into his burly chest. You tried so hard to mask your cry with a cough but, Logan knew better. The words holding their true meaning, the truth snaking its way through your brain. Shaking your head against his pecs, you inhale a deeply, smelling his shower gel and natural musk flooding your nose. “You don’t love me, you barely know me.”
Logan smiles softly above you, trying not to roll his eyes at your clear avoidance of the talk you were about to have. He found your stubbornness endearing, seeing a bit of himself within you. He was the same way after all, never acknowledging or wanting to accept but always question, always avoid. Hiding and not accepting the truth was easier than healing at times. Logan placed his lips to the top of your head as he kisses it gently, rubbing his large hand up and down your back. He never let his lips pull back your head as you let out his words, wanting the warmth of his breath to sink in, hoping that would help you to understand the truth over the lies your mind was telling. “Then give me a chance to.” It slipped out between his lips so naturally you had no time to adjust, hitting you like a ton of bricks.
You stop in the moment; Your breathing, your crying, your whole body. Logan’s words sank deep within your soul, causing a bloom of emotion to burst within your chest. The truth was burning your nerves one by one, every fiber alight and refusing to be put out with your self-doubt. Every stage of grief you could possibly feel ran through your with cold fingers, awakening you for what felt like centuries. Trembling hands grip tighter at his flannel tighter, pulling him close and pushing him away at the same time. Your brows furrow as you scan the darkness within, trying to find a reason why he shouldn’t. All you could find was positive after positive with Logan, remembering how he tried to do the same to you and you refused to give up on him. Now it was your turn, but stepping into the unknown scared you more than anything else. Opening yourself up to him, was terrifying. “Don’t push me away, please.” Logan whispered into your hairline, feeling his own soul hurt for you.
“That’s all I know how to do.” It wasn’t a lie persay, but it wasn’t the whole truth. You never pushed away the gang, not ever. Anytime you were mildly upset you made sure to be with them, and they stayed with you through it all. Even the times you got annoyed with them, you never gave up on that friendship. You knew deep down you’d never push them away, in fact it was funny to you how you even thought that. As Wade had one said, we are like herpes – we never leave, sweet cheeks. “Let me help you break that cycle.” You wanted to believe Logan, trust his words and actions of the man you love. But it was fear inducing to do so, because every what if made its way out of the wood works, chiming in their two cents. What if he leaves you? What if he moves on? What if he is saying this just to make you happy? What if he doesn’t mean it? What if he just feels sorry for you?
The offer to help you break the cycle was what set you off, tearing yourself away from Logan. Sitting up roughly on his bed, you bunched the comforter down at your hips, placing your head in your hands. The fresh wave of tears was threatening to spill over as you shook your head, your knees trembling with every inhale. “What if it can’t be broken, Logan?” You pan your eyes up at him, your bottom lip quivering. “What if that’s all I’m ever going to be destined for? Healing others while I hurt myself. I don’t know if I can be fixed, or changed or-“ Logan abruptly stopped your spiel as he reached for you, holding your face within his hands. The gentle flecks of golds and emeralds swimming in his irises caused your heart to flutter, his natural beauty causing your cheeks to warm. He stared at you like a man in love, needing you to know just how precious you are.
“I said the same thing about myself, for fucking years. I refused to believe I could be happy, in a better place mentally, I didn’t want to be happy. I wanted to hurt, knowing what I did to cause pain to others. I believed I deserved it. Not a day goes by where I sometimes slip into my old routine. But I remember that people do appreciate me, they do love me - even if I don’t want to believe it.” You noticed how Logan wasn’t aware he was crying with you, his tears slowly falling from the inner corner of his eyes as he spoke. The hold he had on your face growing harder, not in a painful way but in a comforting one. Every word he spoke he wanted to sink in, to show you if it wasn’t the end for him – it wasn’t for you either. “But-“ you chimed, trying to find a reasoning but coming up short. “No buts, just feel. What do you want, sweetheart?”
The question held a lot of meaning, a lot of endless possibilities that you weren’t able to explore in your lifetime. For the first time in so long, you felt like you finally had a choice over your own decisions, not your mental health. The way you stared at Logan, with admiration and hesitance caused his heart rate to speed up, his palms growing clammy at what you may say. He could smell your fear, hear your heart pumping at an abnormal rate. Placing his wide palm against your calf, he rubbed over your leggings with languid strokes, helping to coax your answer out. The feelings finally setting in, everything hitting its peak, knowing you were not going to be hitting rock bottom again. “I want to be happy.” It didn’t sound real coming from your mouth, foreign against your tongue as Logan painted his face with a slow smile, admiring your strength and truth to wanting to be happy, instead of staying in that darkened space.
“Louder, darlin.” Logan coaxed with a gentle smile, pressing his lips to your temple as he took a deep inhale. He liked to believe that was his way of ridding you of this pain, inhaling it so he could hold onto it – so you could feel at peace. A small grin made its way upon your lips as you closed your eyes, sinking into his touch deeper. His arms came to hold you against his chest, peppering kisses along the left side of your face as you exhaled. “I want to be happy, Logan.” This time it felt real, felt right coming from you. Your tears dried up quickly, the sticky residue still on your cheeks as you started to get back on your metaphorical feet. His kisses caused your stomach to burn with love and passion. Grabbing at his right hand, you pulled it to your lips as you kissed over where his claws would come out, showing him how even something so deadly deserves care.
“Give yourself permission to.” Logan smiles genuinely as he cups your cheek, running the pad of his thumb over your skin. Reveling in his touch was the only thing you could do, watching him with hearts in your eyes as you smiled. Having someone like Logan be so patient with you, caring for you like no one before has, made you feel safe. It made you feel like things were really going to get better, and now they were. He was right, you needed to give yourself over to your own happiness, and welcome it in. It was a scary thing to adjust to but, you deserved it. The torment you had been putting yourself through, dealing with crisis after crisis and believing every mean word to be true, you deserved this much needed break and acceptance. Logan pressed his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes, wanting you to take in every word deep within your soul. “I’ll be with you, every step of the way. I won’t give up on you.”
That was all you needed for the tears to start again, this time though – they were different. They were sweet this time around, not sour and hateful like earlier. This time they were cool to the touch, not scalding hot. Hearing the love of your life say that, meant the world was healing. You were silently giving yourself over to Logan fully, letting him help you instead of shutting him out. Welcoming him in during your time of need was what the world gave you, and you were never going to take it for granted. Sighing out into his touch, you sniffed back a few tears as you cleared your throat, knowing another cry would slip out sooner. “No one’s ever told me that.”
It broke Logan’s heart to hear that, knowing people gave up on you too easily during your time of need. He couldn’t bear the thought of you alone in the world, dealing with the demons on your own; He needed you to know he would make sure you never fell down that path again. Leaning into you, Logan pressed his plush lips against yours, letting the slow hum of the central air drown out the loud voices in his mind. Just like that the world stood still, in this moment it was just you and Logan – no one else, no other thing. Time stopped to let you both take this all in, to realize two souls were converging into one, and the path ahead was twisting together for the two of you. The soft nature of the kiss felt like it could heal all of your wounds, and deep down you believed that it did. Logan was stitching together every slice in your being, healing those jagged scars, stitching your soul into one again. “Good thing I’m not no one,” Logan smiled against your lips, stealing a few sweet kisses as he nudging his nose to yours, making you look up at him. “I’m someone to you.”
#logan howlett#logan howlett fic#logan howlett fanfic#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett angst#logan howlett fluff#logan howlett x f!reader#logan howlett x reader#worst!logan#worst!logan fic#worst!logan fanfic#worst!logan fanfiction#worst!logan angst#worst!logan fluff#worst!logan x f!reader#worst!logan x reader#worst!logan howlett#worst!logan howlett fic#worst!logan howlett fanfic#worst!logan howlett fanfiction#worst!logan howlett angst#worst!logan howlett fluff#worst!logan howlett x reader#worst!logan howlett x f!reader
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Venting
A/n: I'm writing this since I didn't feel like I fully executed a request so the anon who requested "New Chapter" this is for you angel ! You get double bc I'm a perfectionist... anyways hope you all enjoy !
Warnings - angsty ? Fluff and comfort ! || masterlist
What was it. Why was this feeling consuming you. Why, why. Why. You wanted to know, it was making you miserable all the God damn time. Frustrating you even. You hated being like this, around your friends, family. And especially your girlfriend. She had noticed the slight change in you recently. In your tone, mood. Attitude. You were sleeping more, eating a little less. But you seemed to be ok. Nothing was bothering you, that you knew of. You just felt glued to the comfortable bed.
It all started when you and her went over to Maggie and Patrick's for dinner. They had invited you both. Knocking on the door and being greeted by Maggie. "Hi girls." You give her a small smile. "Hi mama." Billie says, going to hug her. You notice her looking at you. "Are you ok sweetheart, you look a little unwell." Your brows furrow. "Yeah I'm perfectly fine."
Earlier
"First time you've probably left this bed this week." You bite the inside of your lip at that remark. Why did that bother you. Why. "Yup, probably the best thing." She then looks at you. "Speaking of that, is everything alright with you? You've seemed off the past few weeks. Like at Finneas' you weren't eating much." You shrugged. "Well it was only snacks and I wasn't as hungry." She saw through you always, she knew something was up.
-
"That's good then. Come come, I started cooking." And as you were about to Billie pulls you aside. "See, even my mother sees it-" "I'm fine, Bills. Let's just enjoy tonight." She sighs, following behind you. The dinner was normal until it wasn't- Your replies were dry. Not intentionally but you accidentally came off cold. What was going on with you. It was making you angry. But all you wanted to do was ignore it. Ignore these ransom feelings. Billie end up giving you a look at something you say. "Y/n." She says, making you look at her.
"Can we talk?" You shrug, getting up when she does. "Whats up?" She puts her hands in her pockets. "What do you mean?" She gives you a confused look. "You've been dry towards my mother the whole evening, somethings going on." You sigh, going to go. "I'm fine." She grabs your wrist. "You're lying." "Billie.-" She now sighs. "Talk. To me." - "I promise you I'm fine I'm just a bit tired, please can we move on and go back in." Not one word did she believe.
She dumps the keys once she gets inside. The slight tension of what had happened, lingering. You immediately go up into your shared room, wanting the comfort of the bed again. "Y/n!" She says as she sprints after you. "Hey, now we are home can we please talk." - "Billie, there's nothing to talk about, I just wanna get into bed." She scoffs slightly. Making your heart twinge. You ignore it, changing and getting under the covers.
"Just talk to me! Something is clearly wrong!" "Well it's a little hard to when I don't even know what the fuck is wrong. I don't know why I'm becoming like this. It's been worrying me for the past few weeks. So no, I can't talk to you. When there's literally nothing to talk about!" She stares at you. Processing, then seeing your bloodshot eyes as they pool with tears. You look at her confused, unaware of both things. "What?" She even wanted to cry, hating that obviously something was bothering you deep down.
"Billie?" You question. She grabs your hands gently. "When did this start?" You shake your head really confused for some reason. "Huh?" "When. Did this start baby." Your eyebrows rest at the name, finding a comfort in it. Something you haven't been feeling lately. Comfortable. "Uhm, it was maybe 2 weeks ago nearly 3." She tries so hard to remember what happened back that far. Thinking, thinking. Thinking. Until she realized. "The article, everything after that." When it was finally said outloud you felt like crying.
It hit you, she was right it was the article. But you were fine after it, you didn't even care what people said about you, you knew your worth. Or did you? Maybe it was in the back of your mind all those tucked away feelings. "They're all just jealous." She assures. When something bubbles inside you. "It wasn't just the stuff they said about me. It was all the other stuff." You start to fully sob. It truly getting you like it should've all along, why has it taken so long. "All the stuff they said about our relationship.. how we wouldn't last, how- just because I'm not famous you'd eventually leave me."
The thought makes you cry more. "I guess I started believing them... In the back of my mind." Her eyes soften, reaching out for you. "Baby."
"That'll never, ever happen." Your tears flow heavy but her hands quickly go to wipe them. "What if you get sick of me Bill, I'm not spec-" She shakes her head immediately. "No. Because you're the most special thing in my life. If you weren't in it, fuck. I'd be lost. You keep me in check always when I'm lost in life. And now I'm determined to do the same for you." Your heart melts and you smile, finally that smile she loved was back. "Theres my girl. One day at a time we will get you back to your old self." - "I love you Billie thank you."
"No, thank you. For being mine."
#billie eilish#billie ellish lyrics#billie#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish x reader#billie elish icons#billie elish moodboard#billie eilish fluff#billie eilish x you#billie eilish x y/n#billie eilish angst
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SKZ Mate Chapter 13
Warnings: Angsty Minho, minor violence
Y/N felt a pain in her chest as she baked a load of snacks for Minho. Her omega didn't like what they were doing to Minho on his birthday. He seemed to value being close to people and took it personally when the smallest things were not recognised. She wanted to make it all better but Changbin promised he will be alright, eventhough Y/N disagreed. It wasn't fair, Minho must have felt annoyed to not go out on his birthday if it was a tradition. Y/N wouldn't have minded staying home if she couldn't go out. Y/N felt awful which was why she wanted to do something nice for him while they were out distracting him. She even spent the morning tidying his nest up, making sure it was as neat as possible for him. She even added some candles that she thought would enhance his scent. Once everything was baked she put it into tupperware boxes and left it on his side with a handwritten note for him, hoping he would appreciate it. When she walked back down into the kitchen to finish helping Felix she saw Hyunjin leaning against the alcove. His hair was pinned back into a lose ponytail, some of it falling out. He looked shattered, but somehow still looked incredibly attractive.
"Are you feeling better?" Y/N whispered, trying not to make eye contact with him as she walked passed him to Felix.
"Wouldn't you like to know." His tone laced with irony a meaning she didn't understand.
"Ah Alpha Hyunjin, your back. Did you shower?" Felix stated in excitement as he saw the alpha had returned. "Are you hungry, I made lots of food. I can make more."
"I am alright Lixie. Do not worry, I'm going out with Chan soon anyway." Hyunjin said softly as he ruffled the younger betas hair.
Y/N watched their interaction and found it quite sweet but also different. She hadn't seen Hyunjin as gentle before. Felix she had seen as gentle as if he was an omega. Felix was very docile and kind. He was always willing to please and if he got it wrong he felt immense guilt. She had never met such a sensitive beta before. It was quite cute, he reminded her of Yeosang. He was a very caring omega and always put others first. Felix noticed her staring at him and gave her a big grin, beckoning her over.
"What are you thinking about?" Felix asked as he brushed her hair behind her ear with his little finger.
"Your hair is getting longer." Y/N stated.
"Do you not like it?" Felix asked nervously.
"No. No. I really like it a lot, it's kind of sexy." Y/N blurted out, making Felix grin. His heart was being so hard in his chest in excitement.
"You're so cute Y/N-ssi." Felix stated as he pulled her into a hug, kissing all over her face, making the omega more embarrassed. "I'll keep it as long as you want. Come on let's finish this." Y/N and Felix continued to decorate the kitchen table with food, while Jisung and Jeongin where pulling some games out. It was all going great up until Minho had arrived with Seungmin and Jeongin.
"What's happened?" Y/N asked as she saw the angry look on Minho's face and an awkward Jeongin and Seungmin.
"Just stay out of my way." Minho growled as he pushed past Seungmin when Y/N grabbed hold of him with him excitement.
"Come on Minho-ah. I've got to show you something you'll-"
"I'm not in the mood omega. You better not have been in my room!" Minho shouted, snatching his arm away from her. Y/N's jaw tightened and she tried to focus on the wall in front of her so she didn't cry, but it was too late.
Felix ran towards Y/N and pulled her into his chest letting her cry. His beta instincts kicked in when he saw her disappointed face. Felix felt guilty, it was his idea to tidy Minho's room and put something's in there for him.
"Come on omega, Lix. We need to grab some candles." Hyunjin stated as he grabbed his car keys as the two wolves stared at him. "Let's go before Chan changes his mind." Felix nodded and walked to the cupboard to grab Y/N's coat only to realize she didn't have one so he grabbed Seungmins for her and gave it to her. It was a little bit too big for her but it will do.
"Let's go. Minho will be fine, he's probably feeling guilty." Hyunjin stated as he tried to hurry them up to the car. Y/N awkwardly followed, taking Felix's warm hand to the car and sitting in the back with him.
"Do not worry about Minho Hyung. He will feel guilty." Felix promised. What she didn't know was that Felix was right. The minute Minho had walked into his room and saw the note left on his side his heart shattered. He felt immense guilt as he read the note over and over again. He felt awful as he thought back to her excited face. Minho sat there in the middle of the floor and cried, knowing he had ruined it.
When they reached the shopping mall Felix took his hand in hers, holding it tightly as they followed Hyunjin to the shop.
"I'm going to go down there to get some art supplies, you stay with Felix." Hyunjin stated as Felix grabbed her hand tightly taking her to find candles.
"Ah ha. Here we go!" Felix stated as he grabbed the two and the six. Y/N realised she didn't know how old any of them where.
"Felix, how old are you?" Y/N asked.
"I'm 24. Wait, how old are you? When is your birthday. Have we missed it?" Felix asked nervously.
"No no. My birthday is February the 18th. I'm 23." Y/N answered
"Your birthday is near Jeongins. His is the 8th of February." Felix answered as he took her hand to the baking section. "I need some more tins as the other ones are not so good."
"Shall I take these to Hyunjin? He's only down there?" Y/N asked.
"Be quick." Felix stated as he looked through the tins and baking trays. Y/N nodded, pulling on Seungmins coat as she headed towards Hyunjin. Y/N pulled at the zip up to her neck, hiding her chin as she started to feel uncomfortable. There was a scent of old leather and spices around and she didn't trust it. She didn't want to panic incase it was another wolf but something in the back of her mind stated it wasn't and she was right to think that. As soon as she turned the corner she walked straight into her old alpha. Shit. Wooyoung! Y/N freezed as she stared up at him, almost holding her breath, as she slowly backed away, but he already grabbed, taking zero chances. Wooyoung wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her out of the shop.
"Where did you run off too, omega? Ay?" Wooyoung's voice burned deep into Y/N's soul, rebranding her all over again.
"Do you know how worried Hongjoong has been? He will forgive you omega. He will forgive you for hitting him over the head. He knows it wasn't your fault. He knows it's Jongho's fault." Wooyoung cooed but his tone held a lie. Y/N started to panic as he pushed her out of the shopping mall.
"Look who it is omega. It's San." Wooyoung whispered, causing Y/N to dig her heals straight into the ground. San isn't always as kind when he was angry.
"Please. Please. Please." Y/N begged as she tried to pull him off of her. Her hands pushed and slapped Wooyoung but he didn't budge. Y/N even tried to bite him as she knew her fangs could do a lot of damage but she couldn't reach him. San watched in amusement as she thrashed in Wooyoung's arm.
"Come now omega. You've played long enough." San stated as he walked towards her, grabbing her chin roughly, forcing her to meet his amber eyes. As soon as she did he slapped her straight across the face. Y/N's hand slowly reached towards her nose as she felt the blood start to drip.
"Wooyoung!" Hyunjin growled, his eyes a deep shade of red as he met them, an angry Felix behind him. Y/N had never seen this side of Felix before. He looked lethal. His jaw locked and his hands clenched ready to fight if he needed too.
"Hyunjin" Wooyoung turned around, laughing at the alpha as he held Y/N tight in his grasp. "How unfortunate we meet again."
"Let. Her. Go." Hyunjin growled, his eyes burning into Wooyoung's.
"How about no. She isn't yours." Wooyoung taunted, throwing his head back with a laugh when Felix pounced straight onto San knocking him to the ground. Felix was relentless as he punched San. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes as he realised he underestimated Felix. Hyunjin could tell he was panicking as he slowly started to back away with Y/N still in his grasp. Hyunjin crouched slightly waiting for Wooyoung to relax his hold so he could pull Y/N back. He wanted to grab her without hurting her too much but knew there might be some damage.
"Little wolf." Hyunjin called, giving her a soft look before he grabbed her the bottom of her coat trying to drag her foreword when Wooyoung had pulled her back by the neck, causing Y/N to help. Hyunjin pushed forward and hit the side of Wooyoung's face causing the alpha to throw the omega to the side. As soon as Y/N hit the concrete floor she took a quick glance to see Felix pushing San's head to the side when she heard a snap. Felix had killed San.
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Daft Pretty Boys
AN: I was going to try and get something Halloween-like out but it's been busy lately. Have some fluffy angst with Raph, instead :D
Raphael x Reader
Warning: kinda angsty, soft-hearted Raph ahead :)
When you blessed the turtles with your bright presence and inevitably befriended them, Raphael didn’t realise just how much of an emotional rollercoaster it would be. As a person, you are amazing. You always make a point to engage with him and his brothers, even for the small things. Other than April, they’ve never felt more welcomed by human company before. The thing is, if he were to put one fault on you, it’s your taste in men.
You fall fast and hard, and it’s not because of their looks. It’s the ones who have this idea that they know they look good: the confidence they exude, sharp-witted flattery on the end of a hook that you can’t help biting into. You get caught, pulled in, they have their fun, and then you’re chucked back into sea awaiting the next juicy-looking cast of bait. One would think you’d be smart enough to not fall for the same routine tricks over and over again but here we are.
Each time you say, “He’s really sweet,” followed by a “This one is different,” but he never is. You’re always taking that chance, betting on the next guy being Mr Right, only for it to end in heartbreak, and every time Raph’s at your aid when you come crying to him. That isn’t said with any malice for you. He will always be there to pick up the pieces. Maybe broken pieces of these stupid shmucks if he just had five minutes alone with them.
You grasp so desperately to hope. Raph would commend you for your optimistic persistence if it didn’t break him to see you in tears. There’s only so much one heart can take. He doesn’t want you to become some calloused husk of your sweet self, too afraid to take another chance. He doesn’t want you to end up like him. Raphael knows he’s unloveable. Regardless of his appearance, he has a temper - one that he keeps as far away from you as he possibly can. His feelings for you never seem to pass despite how much he tries but he isn’t meant for love. That isn’t how this world works. You, on the other hand, should be cherished and he’ll beat the next sorry sucker who does any less than that.
How? How can someone be so foolish to drop you like these men have? He doesn’t get it. Were it him, he’d spend every waking moment appreciating you, letting it be known just how precious you are and how lucky he is to be the one to call you his. But he isn’t. The same daydream can play as many times as it likes, it’s never going to go in that direction. He needs to keep reminding himself of that.
You just deserve so much more than the cards you keep getting dealt. You’ve probably got to be the sweetest person he’s ever had the luxury of meeting. A little bubble-brained at times but that’s in part what makes you so cute. It’s also why you end up in and out of these short-lived relationships, he reckons. Much like now, for instance. It’s almost routine, weirdly systematic in a way, how you waddle into the lair glassy-eyed and red-faced wearing that grey sweater - the one he calls your breakup sweater - that’s two sizes too big for you. So much for the macho man with the green eyes. Making it to one month is a record, so there’s that at least.
Raphael doesn’t say anything, just holds a hand out whilst the other cradles the back of his neck. By now, he’s learnt that there’s nothing he can say. It’s better to wait on you until you manage to find your words. You slowly trudge towards him and smack your forehead into his chest. All he can do is stand there and stare at the top of your head whilst he battles the urge to pick you up and take you away from all this frivolous bullshit. His arm falls to his side as he watches you, and you just about say what he would expect you to.
“I really thought this one would be different,” you whimper quietly and the hiccup in your throat makes his chest burn. “He seemed so genuine.”
Raphael’s heart clenches. He wants to scream that he’s the one who’s genuine, that he’s the one who’s been here through every heartbreak, every tear. But instead, he swallows his words, feeling the weight of his own unspoken feelings pressing down on his chest.
He pats the top of your head, almost awkwardly, and sighs, “I know.”
A pained laugh muffles against his chest. “I’m the problem, aren’t I?” you ask rhetorically, playing it off as some joke at your own expense but it only angers him further.
“It’s not you,” Raph replies, a hint of a growl edging into his tone. “They’re the ones who don’t know what they’re missin’.”
“But there’s a common denominator here. It feels like it’s me.” You pull back slightly, just enough to meet his gaze. “Like, maybe if I was just different-”
“Stop right there,” he interjects, his brow furrowing. “You are not the problem. They are. Trust me on that.”
You always say the wrong things about yourself: the things he thinks about himself on a daily; if he was different. You are such an honest person and yet you lie so frequently when you talk about yourself. A nasty bi-product of those worthless scumbags treating you the way they do. You want to believe him on his word but you also can’t ignore the facts. It’s always the same song and dance. You stupidly cling to hope, searching for the silver lining that never seems to come, and end up in this sad mess of a person.
Raphael watches as you pull away, the warmth of his body replaced by the chill of reality. It’s painful to see you so vulnerable, so exposed. He wishes he could shake you out of this cycle, snap his fingers and make you see what’s right in front of you. But he can’t. All he can do is stand there, the silent sentinel, while you cry into the fabric of your sweater. The moment lingers, heavy and full of unsaid words. He wants to tell you that you deserve better, that you should never settle for the likes of those clowns who don’t recognize your worth. Yet, the words stick in his throat, tangled with his own fear of inadequacy.
He clears his throat, trying to break the tension. “Tell you what, let’s grab a couple sodas and a slice. Sit up top for a bit, yeah?”
You pull back slightly, wiping your eyes. “I don’t know if I can eat right now, Raph.”
“Doesn’t matter. You need to get outta this gloom. Plus, I’m starving,” he responds with a half-hearted attempt at humor, but the grin doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
Finally, you yield. Begrudgingly, he might add, but food and the fresh night air is what you need right now, especially seeing as you’ve been cooped up in your apartment all day crying. He takes whatever pizza he had leftover - it’s only lasted because Mikey has luckily been out - along with a couple cans and leads you through the sewers. Whilst he’s essentially forcing you outside, he goes at your pace, never pushing you beyond that. Sure, it takes longer than it should but you get to a nice rooftop eventually, and before you know it, he’s already got you venting with a slice in your hand.
“And then he pulls out the classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ shtick,” you say and Raph follows with a quiet “Of course, he does,” before you continue, “and I swear, I could’ve just slapped him.”
“You should have.”
You hum shortly against a bite of pizza and shrug. ��Ah, the moment’s long gone, anyway.”
The two of you glance at each other with a small laugh before returning to the view ahead. This feels better. Much better. Once again, your knight in shell-y armour has helped you bounce back from your foreboding. If you had it your way earlier, you would have loved nothing more than to curl up on the couch and watch some bad reality TV to cheer you up. Not where Raph is concerned. He’s soft-natured when you need that shoulder to cry on but knows when to crack out a bit of that tough love, too. You’re always thankful for that - him - and you hope he knows just how much of a difference he makes.
"Hey.” He nudges you with his elbow and you look up, noting the light smirk on his face, though the seriousness behind his eyes isn’t something to be ignored. “Next asshole that breaks your heart, you just point me in the right direction.”
"And be an active participant in murder? Not a chance," you laugh and playfully swat him, earning a low chortle. You think you know what he’s getting at and it’s sweet in weird kind of way. With a perma-smile now glued to your face, you rest your head on his arm and speak more gently, "Thanks, though."
He glances down at you and tempts the idea of stroking a hand over your head. His fingers clasp into a fist and he looks ahead again, taking a gentle breath before responding quietly, "Yeah... don't mention it."
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt bayverse#tmnt x reader#raphael#raph#bayverse tmnt#bayverse raphael#bayverse raph#bayverse raph x reader#x reader#light angst#angsty#angst#fluffy#fluff#oneshot#short story#short for me anyway#fanfiction
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Achillean Rayllum
#the dragon prince#illustration#digital art#rayla#callum#rayllum#I think Rayla’s genderbent name will be Rayaan#genderbend#achillean#Achillean rayllum#I yaoify your rayllum#I tried so hard not to overdue the highlighting#Rayllum is enjoyed in many forms#Rayllum is eternal#overprotective boyfriends#the boys are dramatic#callum kisses his bf#hahaha#my attempt at making special effects#rayllum as an angsty BL#mlm rayllum
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As funny as the "You'll miss me" - "Not at this range I won't" exchange with Maya Brooks is, I think I still prefer the paragon interrupt there.
Brooks: "Afraid I'll come back for revenge? Is the great Commander Shepard pleading for his/her life?"
Shepard: "I am pleading for yours."
#makes me think about how my shepard tried so hard to save his clone#pleading with him. reaching out to him like “if you dont have people who lift you up then i will be that for you”#and the clone throwing all of that back in his face and falling to his death#and so just minutes later when hes talking to brooks#my shepard is so tired of people dying needlessly. of dealing death wherever he goes. and so he's pleading for HER life#so he wont have to kill yet again#anyway i have a lot of feelings about the citadel dlc's angsty moments#even when theyre played for laughs#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#citadel dlc#mass effect trilogy#maya brooks#commander shepard#clone shepard
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💫 21/10/24 💫 @marylilymicrofic 💫 prompt: ghost 💫 word count: 304 words
2 hours. She could do this. Just walk into the party and celebrate, and dance, and get so drunk that she wouldn’t be able to wake up for years. Easy.
But then Lily walks in with James, and it’s not easy. Her dress feels too tight and she wishes the trailing red devil wings were real so she could fly away and never return. Because they were in matching costumes, Ariel and Eric. How fucking cliche. She bets James didn’t even get the reference. Mary would’ve been an amazing Ursula. Iridescent in the flashing lights, the dress spins around Lily’s thighs, and around Mary’s throat. This wasn’t going to be easy. It wasn’t going to be easy to dance around their brief whatever it was.
Maybe Lily sees it as a fling, a quick blip in her sexuality, but for Mary it’s everything. She can’t do this, keep pretending they were best friends, nothing else. Keep pretending that she didn’t find one of Lily’s socks behind her sofa the other day, and her spare toothbrush isn’t still in the little lion cup, and that her stupid lemon conditioner isn’t somewhere in Mary’s cupboard. That she didn’t have her own cactus in Mary’s apartment almost as if they were going to move in together. That all the movies they watched together are still on Mary’s history, their history because it was real. They had something there. Mary can’t do this, ignore the ghosts of her love and watch James show off his new prize. No, James loved Lily. He didn’t deserve Mary’s slander.
“Happy Birthday Emmeline,” she chokes out and dropping the gift bag with colour coordinated wrapping on the counter, she slips out of the back door. She couldn’t do this. Her eyeliner runs down her chin by the time she reaches her house.
#stars scrawls#its physically impossible for me to write un-angsty marylily#i tried so hard to make this happy i literally rewrote this 3 times 😔#mary macdonald#lily evans#marylily#marauders#marauders era#microfics
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#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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☆: Okay, so going off anon now (enchantedmirage) since I'm not so afraid of people stalking my blog, BECAUSE I wanted to share this song that I found a long time ago..
AND OF COURSE, I HAD TO PROJECT NATSUMUGI ON IT.
OUGHHHH WAITTTTTT THAT SONG IS A REALLY GOOD FIND I CAN TOTALLY SEE IT APPLICABLE TO NTMG.......... uve got the mentions of past and future, emphasis on distance and misunderstandings, the telling of lies and falling apart, even small things like the mention of collecting nectar got a giggle out of me just bc i was reminded of how tsumugi used to eat that as a kid KASJHFKJH
VERY BEAUTIFUL SONG THO........... I GIVE IT THE NTMG PROJECTION STAMP OF APPROVAL 👍
#big fan of music#i listen to alot of edgy shit so theres only a handful of songs i can project ntmg onto that i also listen to#and by edgy i mean like heavy and angry and angsty and grungy#i want my music to be haunting and unnerving/upsetting or a little bit up by switch ensemble star#have u guys heard IF THE POISON WONT TAKE YOU MY DOGS WILL by lingua ignota#banger#has nothing to do with ntmg but thats the sorta stuff i eat up#i mean we could make it abt ntmg if we try hard enough. toxic ntmg where one tries to convince the other to double suicide#ask
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currently thinking about how, since bunny mask's head / sort of by extension her neck ( yeahhh, i'd say that, because she is NOT immune to decapitation ) are basically her achilles heel in the way that they heal muchhh slower than the rest of her body does + there have even been times where she didn't heal properly at all in those areas... that most of the scars bunny has are concentrated around there.
thus, if your muse is intimate with her in any way, then they'll most certainly be seeing those on her skin and i just 😭 it kind of hits me RIGHT in the feels — and i say this because there has to be a lot of trust there for bunny to feel safe enough to expose what is literally the most vulnerable spot of her body to them, you know? so yeah. that is one surefire way of knowing that bunny mask trusts your muse with her life ❤️
#SOMETHING FEELS AMISS: musings.#LET ME TEACH YOU: headcanons.#I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM BUNNY MASK: headcanons.#yeah... i know this is the first real headcanon i've posted about bunny in a while SO i wanted to make it sort of angsty as well as sweet-#because y'all deserve more of that kind of content IMO haha (': but anywhozies this just sort of came to me a little bit ago because-#i was thinking about the deeper implications behind bunny having a relationship with tyler with her having a 'weak spot' there-#and her not altogether distrusting the entirety of humanity BUT also trying not to get her hopes up all of the time that people will do-#the right thing if that makes any sense just because people can be so... full of darkness.#but i think that bunny had latched onto tyler rather quickly due to the fact that she quite literally had NO one else in her life when she-#was set free and well... she had been deprived of human interaction for literally millennia + because bunny feeds by sharing energy with-#humans through a physical connection i think her attraction to him might've been partially attributed to her needing-#to take care of herself in this way you know? but bunny also just genuinely likes tyler and he seems to genuinely like her as well-#but the problem with tyler is that he can't fully accept bunny mask as she is no matter how hard he tries unfortunately.#and thus that's why they're kind of in this odd spot of being 'on-and-off' lovers but bunny would literally KILL for the man NGL#anyhow though i'm just thinking about the possibility that these scars on her head / neck are sensitive as well because that part of her-#body sees so little 'human touch' i guess you could say due to her protecting it and bunny just. maybeee experiencing-#something that could be the equivalent to sensory overload bc of that if her partner were to touch them but not quite-#at the same time#tw: scars#tw: mentions of past injuries.
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the straight to oh shit gay is an option? to lesbian to bisexual to lesbian again to non binary lesbian to pansexual to bisexual to definitely omnisexual to bisexual to lesbian to queer to aroace pipeline was such an emotional roller coaster and it didnt even feel like it ended on a satisfying note.
#i tried so hard to love :(#it really hurt every time i sit and think wow thats never gonna happen to me. the one just dosent exist#like as a kid i would be all angsty like ugh i cant even imagine myself in a relationship and i thought that was just because i hated myself#but no i just. didnt. feel it. for anyone.#aroace#aromantic#aromantism#aro#acespec#asexual#like one time i was sick and thinking about having someone come over and like make soup for me and gimmie a forehead kiss#and i was trying to picture who in my life would do that but i kept switching between people and none of them felt right#like i would rather die than have that happen irl lol#anyway thanks for reading my ramble ig :(
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Pokémon Horizons Episode 26 spoilers under the cut!
OH SO WE WEREN'T BEING JUST DELUSIONAL,,,,,, THEY'RE DOING IT,,,,,,,,,,,, THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT,,,, , ,
#fluff binges !!!#not a spoiler but can we talk about how they also switched Liko and Roy's parts and added new verses for the ending rap it was SO cute 🥺💖#I'm also gonna miss the first opening since I got attached to it but OH MY GOD THE NEW ONE............ SO INSANE. ACTUAL PEAK. I KNEEL.#ok with my spoiler tags in place now I can AKJSDHAJSNDKASJKDFNSJDFSND#OH MY GOD THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT THEY'RE ACTUALLY EXPLORING MY ANGSTY SON'S CHARACTER HOLY SHIT#AMETHIO BBY PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE BROODING RN AND BEATING YOURSELF UP MENTALLY FOR THAT LOSS BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LOVED ONES AWAYYYYYYYYYY#ZIRC AND ONIA ARE WORRIEDDDDDDDDD DO YOU SEE THEM WONDERING ABOUT YOU THEY EVEN TRIED TO TALK TO YOU BUT YOU WOULDNT BUDGEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭#I need a moment where Amethio gets to be hugged by these two fr they're legit his guardians at this rate#Amethio also only seems to open up about his vulnerability to Ceruledge from the looks of it and something about that makes me So Insane#WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO SAY IN THIS SCENE ACTUALLY LIKE . IS HE APOLOGIZING? DOES HE BLAME HIMSELF FOR THE LOSS???#IS HE AFRAID OF LOOKING WEAK TO HIS PARTNER MON OR IS HE DOUBTING THE TRUST HE HAS IN THEM...................#/head in HANDS#we're gonna get to see the explorers together again next episode and it seems like Spinel and Hamber reacted to something Amethio said#is he proposing that he go after Terapagos himself? that the others don't interfere because it's a Personal matter now from that loss?#they're not gonna like that if that's the case........ Hamber might insist on reinforcements or pull extra strings without Amethio knowing#everyday we get one step closer to Amethio redemption#(or alternatively corruption like can you imagine this all weighing on his mind and just twisting it in all the wrong directions)#(though now that I mention that it seems more like a possibility for Spinel --- I still think he's the most capable of betraying everyone)#(like he seems the most malicious at this rate and his capabilities can be quite terrifying- he may as well decide to--#--erase the other explorers' memories and make them work for him if he was pushed hard enough . Like . Can You Imagine.......... /deranged)#I'm rambling at this rate ASKSDJHSDKFNSD but this series gives me so much serotonin and I'm so grateful to have started it 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖#pokemon horizons#anipoke#pokeani#amethio#explorer amethio#amethio pokemon#zirc pokemon#onia pokemon#ceruledge
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Sad boi hours I found a new song to cry over
#i didn’t intend for that second expression to be so sad and angsty#I TRIED TO MAKE IT LIKE THOSE PATHETIC CRYING REACTS BUT IDK#laufey#oc thoughts are oc-ing too hard#OH RIGHT THE SONG IS “PROMISE” BY LAUFEY BTW
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the thing abt btr is i really wanna see more characterization/ ixn but i don't think anything i write will be able to capture the essence of the source material :(
#i think i just have to also finish the manga at some point but... i hate to admit this... but i don't like 4koma...#i tried to read newgame or something at some point and i just couldn't. 4koma is sth I'd consume with a meal but i can't read it#if that makes sense. like i can't have it as a story. i enjoy the milgram comics and they're basically 4koma but. it's not as a story.#but it's also kinda my issue of not willing to break too far away from canon like i have hcs or scenarios i associate w certain characters#but i feel. idk. guilty writing it if it “breaks character” too much. even w aus i try to stick close to canon and find good parallels#it's just idk. reverence for source material bc usually i like the stuff i write for! i enjoy it! i want more of it not sth different#the most ooc hc i have is hrk being trans bc i think there's no way they would have that be canon but. idk! We'll see!#but also when it comes to btr rahhh idk which pairing to write abt and the issue is I'm usually not a multishipper!! but!!!#everyone in the series adores bocchi so much. and obv it's a series abt bochi's growth so we have more focus on how the others feel abt her#but the moments of understanding shared btwn bocchi and ryo. the sharing of secrets and vulnerability btwn bocchi and nijika.#the way Kita supports and pushes bocchi forward. like. all of them are so shippable!!! i want it all!!#at the same time there's the very canon admiration kita has for ryo and the way only ryo calls her ikuyo.#and in canon how ryo rejects invitations from everyone else but has nijika as her only friend like. as someone who. is okay w being alone.#like idk this is me projecting but the way she falls asleep on nijika the way she says sukithe way nijika so easily gives her the fries#i find it hard to believe they are not bickering gfs. like. they make out every night.#like idk rahhhh i just. i really like all the dynamics!!! i want to write i want to consume but i want to do it right#holding characters i like a lot in my hand just like. mm. do i make you happy or do i. give you so much angst.#i really wanna write sth angsty for the sake of self projection and getting things out of my system but i like all my pairings too much orz#i get an inkling of an idea and then go but no.. i can't do this to them... they wouldn't do that... they're good kids...#maybe i just go really ooc for once just so at least i know i can and i feel less. strung abt it.
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i’m so fucking tired. looking at the people i used to know and they way they’re just assholes. all of them, i’m so tired of seeing him in the hallways during school. i’m tired of remembering what his house looks like or things we did. i’m so tired of people.
#vent#this might be about my exes plus old friends i had back in 2022!!!!#kms#what do you mean ‘why didnt i say no’#what if i just wanted to give him what he wanted#i never checked with myself if i wanted it#it was always him over myself#im so fucking tired#remembered that time when he tried to follow my insta account#made me wanna die#i wish i was a kid again#why do i have to deal with this angsty teenage shit#this is probably the most tags i’ve put on a post#to my friends who say to not think about it#i have trauma#and trauma is fucking hard as hell to get rid of#its always there in the back of my mind#you cant make me just forget about it#or force me to stop thinking of it#my brain will think of it all it wants#i cant stop it#also remembered the time i vented about this on tiktok#and i got people shitting on me for it#saying i was a loser if i remember correctly#talking
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