#I want to uninstall myself from life

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Guess who forgot to backup they’re mods folder before uninstalling the sims 4 and didn’t notice until they reinstalled the game for the new mobility aids update

[coffeeflavored-tears]

i wish i wasn’t poor :(

[artsekey]

Thinking about the time I lost a game of Overwatch and I was so mad about it that I genuinely considered getting into shit with the other team in chat and then realized that it was a colossal waste of my living breathing Human Time and uninstalled Overwatch instead because it was only making me angry.

And then thought about the OTHER time when I was on TikTok and realized I was Not Enjoying Myself and was, in fact, seeing so many sad videos and fake influencer ads that I felt Truly Despondent and then just…Deleted it.

Imo I want my social media /general media experience to be a pleasant break from real world and I get to decide what I get to cull to make that a reality for myself. I highly reccomended it! Life has improved considerably!

[misskirisame]

.

[cleanbonez]

it's crazy how useful brainwashing yourself to get you to do what you want is (lemme cook)

i went from having no disordered eating habits/no motivation to restrict, to eating under 1000/day because i uninstalled all social media and replaced the apps i mindlessly click on to tumblr and ana gcs (so i'm forced to look at skinny ppl and think about my life choices when i get bored instead of scrolling 💀)

specifically before i sleep and as soon as i wake up i look at thinspo and fatspo to reinforce the mentality i want

i look at thinspo while doing things that give me dopamine

i try and post regular public updates/make connections to help with accountability

i convinced myself that fried/fast food is disgusting through repetitive exposure to how the foods r made

and i replaced insta (my most used app) with duolingo so i can finally stop putting off learning spanish!! (off topic but still awesome to me)

-

obviously the bad thoughts of being unlovable and ugly play a big part but this has really helped me make a change, and i'm genuinely so proud of myself for sticking to it even for such a short time so far :)

not to mention that most of the ed community i've seen are so lovely + supportive and i wish the best for you all <33

[nondelphic]

i rarely talk about my own writing here (except for general posts) but i HAVE to share my favourite one-liners from one of my comedy writing projects. and they all come from the same person, ivy, aka an ai assistant who is accidentally conjured into the real world:

"I'm going to uninstall myself." (A/N: ivy's version of wanting to die)

"How are you a fully grown man with the dating instincts of a 14-year-old fangirl?"

"Oh, don’t mind me—I’m just the walking, talking embodiment of Ben’s late-night anime marathons. There’s nothing wrong with being a weeb, but there’s everything wrong with being Ben."

"I diagnose you with small brain."

"Ben, considering you’re now fully out and embracing your true self, I have to ask: are you trying to dress like a straight dad, or is that just how you naturally gravitate?"

"Calculating how little I care… wow, that’s a new record."

"Oh, sure, give me flawless skin and hair so perfect it probably breaks the laws of physics, but then slap me in a hoodie and jeans? Genius. Really. I’m like a Ferrari with a bumper sticker that says ‘Keep calm and check out my car.”'

"This hoodie? Yeah, it’s always this clean. Thanks to my 'Hygiene.exe' program—something Ben could really use."

"Ah, the skin? That’s ‘Ultra High Definition, 4K, Zero Pores’ mode. You’d be amazed at what a few coding shortcuts can do."

"It’s a miracle I haven’t short-circuited from secondhand embarrassment."

"Ah yes, the classic ‘accidentally look too long at a cute guy’ moment, followed by two hours of gay panic. You’re like a living, breathing Tumblr meme from 2014."

"You know, Ben’s social skills could use some serious upgrading. Too bad he spent all his ‘talking to people’ points on leveling up his ‘awkward small talk’ skill."

"Oh, yeah, that’s smart. Just fall flat on your face in the middle of the street—you can’t park there, mate."

"This face says ‘magical girl warrior,’ but this outfit? This outfit says ‘I’ve given up on life, but at least I’m comfy.’ It’s like you installed the deluxe skin pack and forgot to update my wardrobe. Priorities, Ben."

She rolls her eyes one last time. "Ugh, you’re getting sentimental. Cringe."

"Wait, let me rephrase that. I have come to the conclusion that you, with 99.9% certainty, have chronic gay.”

"You know, if I were writing a user manual for you, the troubleshooting section would just say ‘Ben tends to freak out when things don’t go perfectly.’ Fix: Turn off and back on again. Repeat as necessary."

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[kostudies]

04.08.24 ; hello. how are you? i'm good. it has been a while, and i'll share with you a long post full of updates. It's crescendo.

I didn't validate my last year in psychology, so i'm retaking it this year. It is very stressful for me, it'll be my... sixth year in uni without a bachelor's degree. I'm getting tired of this, and discouraged - though i'll keep it up.

I wanted to change of city; I wanted to meet new sceneries, to leave myself with me and I only. I wanted to embrace another lifestyle, far from what I already know and feel comfortable. I wanted to change, and to become more active in my own life.

Friendships were hard. People sometimes repeated toxic behaviours, as I did too. I may be the one who values friendships too much, and it hurts to see it is not returned the same way. And, other times, insecurities talked, and it hurt the same way.

I saw my older, middle brother - it has been around one year now that I didn't see him nor talked to him. He, somehow, became someone I don't want around me; impulsive, freely hurtful, conservative, overbearing and deaf to people's opinions and feelings. He enrages me. He's unfair. We saw each other for my grandpa's funeral.

I lost my grand-father. I wasn't close to him, I thought he was a asshole for the abuse towards my grand-mother and my own mother, he was ignorant and arrogant. It had been quite a big change and event in my family's life, and it still weighs on my grandma.

Recently, I thought I would die. In another city, around 1am, with a friend who can't run, we've been followed by a group of 5 dudes. Slurs, threats were thrown, and I never hated men more than at this moment. I thought I would die, for the city was known for some mafia stuff. I am terrified by the idea of stalking and intrusion, it was quite scarring to me.

I stopped smoking. Even if it happens for me to have one cigarette here and there, I completely stopped buying packs and I am grateful. I breathe better! It's amazing! My throat is not as sore as before, my heart is thankful, and I assure myself to low down the chances of breast cancer. However, I'm struggling with weight gain...

... So I'm trying to get back to working out. It's a real up-and-down journey, but I feel like I'm going somewhere. For the past month, I walked one hour (home to work, work to home), 5 days a week, and it helped me a lot. I do some home exercises here and there, and I'm waiting to get back to the swimming pool to do lengths.

I uninstalled Instagram. I also think about going to therapy. I am a priviledged person - my parents take care of my rent and my transports subscription, though they might not be able to in the near future - but I still don't have the money for it (I still have to take my theory test, driving test to have a driving license). I might try to save.

I plan to work on the side during the upcoming uni year, and I want to invest more time in associations. I want to go out more and see more people, more things. I want to try more, fail more, understand things more and reach people's minds, stories - I don't want to hide in fear of failure and shame anymore.

I met new people, but I don't know if they'll stay around. Through them, I tasted how magnificient friendships could be, how sharing experiences was an amazing thing to do, and wanted to do this more often. I'm also progressing on my way to see people as experiences, not possessions. It is hard and triggering, but I keep it up.

Finally, I had the pleasure to discover the world of drag; and it has been therapeutic. I felt myself connecting with my feminity, as I always struggled to express it. I've never felt this confident about my own body and about me wearing more revealing stuff, acting different towards people; I enjoyed this progress in me. I am deeply thankful for the community, for their performances, for their work, for what they embrace and what they share. I am thankful for their existence.

It marks my comeback here. It has been a few months now since my last post, but it didn't mean that I was giving up. I don't want you to give up, either. I'm confronting my laziness and comfort zone, because I feel like I can't continue to feel stuck like this. It is very hard and I would prefer to give up, but the learning is tasty, it feels nice. And I wanted to share with you, even if you're not really following what I'm doing, if you forgot about this blog, if you don't care anymore.

I wanted to share, simply.

[hpowellsmith]

Hello there! I've been wanting to replay the older Baldur's Gate games, and was searching around for mlm NPC romance mods. I saw yours mentioned and found your site with some googling, but it seems the place they were hosted at is gone now (Spellhold Studios). I was wondering if you still have the mods available somewhere? Either way, I hope you have a great day!

OK, this has made go down a modding-community rabbit hole! I hadn't done anything with our Baldur's Gate 2 mods, or looked at them really, since 2015 and I really appreciate it because they're something that brought my wife and I a ton of joy, and they were the first interactive narratives I made.

Links, descriptions, and comments below because it is Long:

I got in touch with folks on the Gibberlings3 forum which is, wonderfully, still going strong, and have given permission for Faren and Nathaniel to be uploaded to the Spellhold Studios GitHub (which has a bunch of other mods too - do check out Adrian, Isra, and Ninde in particular!) to the team maintaining it. That may be a little while as some of the team are ill right now, but once I hear that it's done, I'll post about it here; I've also been pointed to some links where the mods were mirrored. Note that I haven't tested these myself on a current BG2 install, but it is easy to uninstall WeiDU mods if there's a problem.

Faren is a bisexual True Neutral fighter/thief (I can't remember if he's dual-classed or multi-classed) who's easygoing, down-to-earth, and up for partying, with a bit of a checkered past - his adventuring party died in one of the dungeons you can visit in BG2, and since then he's been picking up dodgy jobs, feeling a bit adrift, and trying to get his life back on track. That's where the PC comes in! You can befriend him or romance him (starting with either a casual or more committed tone, then committing further if you want to), and he has a personal quest in which a shady figure from his past wants him to do one last job. He was our third mod, and we'd developed our skills with writing and scope a lot by then. When I play BG2, I play with Faren! You can currently download Faren here. It's the version updated in 2015 with more banters with modded NPCs and the Enhanced Edition characters; there may be compatibility issues installing it with other newer mods but do give it a try.

I found The Luxley Family, which was our second mod, on the GitHub here. From a cursory (rusty) glance it looks like it should be compatible with Enhanced Edition, but the storyline is only for Shadows of Amn and doesn't continue into Throne of Bhaal. Sebastian and Andrei (Chaotic Neutral bard with a custom kit and Lawful Neutral monk respectively) are members of a mysterious, reclusive family who are under a curse. Sebastian's a worldly playwright who's showing his polite but moody teenage cousin Andrei the sights when they bump into the PC. They aren't romanceable, but you can have a fling with Sebastian, who's bisexual, if you let/help him mess up his life sufficiently.

Nathaniel is a Lawful Good gay fighter with a lot of feelings. He was our first mod and I am really proud of the impact he had on a lot of people and even other games back in the day, but if you play, go in expecting a LOT of feelings good and bad, relationship drama, and angst! (There's something very sad about the fact that as teens we could not imagine a D&D setting without homophobia back then; the idea of a knightly order thinking well of gay people just didn't cross our minds. it's extraordinary how much better a lot of things are now, including the queerness in D&D streams, books, and of course Baldur's Gate 3. Interestingly, we didn't include homophobia in the Luxley Family or Faren and I don't remember how conscious that was; maybe we'd become more hopeful by then.) You can download an outdated version of Nathaniel here but I don't think it will be compatible with Enhanced Edition.

Thank you so much for messaging! I didn't realise they weren't able to be downloaded anymore and I am really keen for digital art to be preserved (as well as players getting to smooch hot guys, of course).

(Digression - my wife and I have a couple of almost-finished mods on our computer: a lesbian cleric of Talos which she wrote, and a bi Valygar romance that I wrote. And, if it's among two computers' ago worth of external hard drive storage, the ending for the Luxley Family story. Who knows, maybe one day...)

[degloved]

the crazy thing abt twitter n the main reason i'm three seconds from uninstalling it is the fact that apropos of fucking nothing you'll open it to a tl full of the most inane nonsensical childish petty beef spanning six callout posts and 12 A4 pages worth of discord screenshots between people you've never heard of in your life n it's always some dumb fandom bullshit heavily intertwined with personal issues n it's like. there's only so many words you can mute and accounts you can block. and even then you'll get something entirely different the second you get rid of the existing issues. how the fuck do yall live when you're constantly bombared with "umm is anyone gonna talk about [the most batshit insane take you've ever heard of in your life]" "after months of silence i'm ready to expose [a fourteen year old acting like a fourteen year old]" "moots following [allegedly problematic account] i see you ://" "so when are we gonna acknowledge that fans of [an antagonist] are deeply distributed individuals" like sorry but two scrolls in and i already want to kill myself

[spiral-wizard]

48 days sober today yipppeeeee more thoughts under cut ⬇️

big thing my sick brain didn't want me to know about being sober is that it isn't really subtracting anything from my day-to-day. if anything it is adding time, money, headspace back into my life that was previously taken up by addiction

quitting alcohol in 2020 was easy for me bc it wasn't a big part of my life anyway. but for so long i talked myself out of quitting weed because i worried that i would feel its absence too much, like i'd be missing out on experiences i would otherwise be having. and idk maybe that could have been true in the past but at this point in my life it's really quite the opposite. really feels like i uninstalled a spammy program that was using up a lot of my brain's bandwidth

obviously everyone's different and i don't mean to make it sound like the process of getting sober is easy (it isn't) or downplay the immensity of that experience (it's huge) for anyone. honestly i don't think my journey toward it started when i quit cold turkey in december - i had spent the last few years him-hawing around about it to the point where when i finally moved ahead with it my brain was like "ohhh noooo you have foudn my secret,,,, smoking weed everyd ay is not neccessary for ur survival adn emotional regulation,,,,,,,, woooops sowwyyyy....." and i was like ok fuck off. i will sit thru all this brain fog if you'll just shut up already. and now i'm coming to u live from the other side with breaking news: sobriety is cool and chill👍

[demonir]

Reminiscing about my past… more specifically the first time I experienced transphobia directed towards me by a loved one…

I don’t remember exactly what age I was… either 13 or 14, I was still using mostly deviantart and skype as my social platforms of choice and my favorite online game was elsword

I had been roleplaying for a while by then and 99% of my characters were male so I found myself roleplaying as them… and enjoying the feeling of “acting as a boy” so much so that I told my online friends at the time to address me by a masculine name and “treat me like a boy” it felt… liberating, freeing, it filled me with a feeling that I would only find words for a long while later… gender euphoria.

I didn’t call myself trans, I didn’t say I was a boy, we all treated it more like some gag or bit, some “persona” I had taken on online. I had no one sit me down and explain to me what being transgender was, I certainly had stopped being homophobic half a year ago only so this was all entirely new to me and I wasn’t met with immediate rejection so I kept going while keeping it a secret from my more close friends as well as people irl only because deep down I felt it was “wrong” and I was doing something “I shouldn’t do”

While this happened I also had a very close friend, he was a cishet guy I had met in elsword and we had grown very close! We were both YouTubers at the time and we’d feature our sonas in each others videos all the time and we considered each other family, him being the brother I always wanted and me being the little sister he always wanted… he was 18 I believe? Or at least close to being so, he was very supportive and protective of me and genuinely a good person… even till the bitter end.

One day I opened skype and asked to talk to him about something important, he was none the wiser. I confessed to him how I wanted to be a boy and if he’d be okay with that… it was the first time I verbally acknowledged the fact that I was truly trans, and he was the first person I ever properly came out to.

He said he didn’t like it

He said that no matter what I did or said he could only see me as his little sister, that he didn’t want another little brother in his life… this of course broke my heart, I had very hesitantly come to terms with my identity for the first time and the person I looked up to rejected it without a second thought. I didn’t have an outburst, I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t try to defend myself… I simply said that if he couldn’t accept me then I didn’t want to stay, he kept messaging me after saying that we could maybe talk about it, reach some sort of agreement, I don’t remember his last words but I remember knowing he felt regret as I closed skype and uninstalled it forever.

He never tried to reach out to me through any other platforms after, not deviantart, not youtube, he didn’t even message me through the elsword friend chat in game

And that was the first time I felt someone dislike me for who I was, it wasn’t violent, I wasn’t told I was disgusting, I wasn’t questioned or told that I was mistaken… just told that he’d never see me that way… and somehow that hurt harder than any hate speech would in the years to come.

Just for the record, I do not hate him. I never did. I just feel disappointed even to this day… I hope he’s having a good life despite his hurtful words because for as long as it lasted our friendship left a mark in me, and a good one. The only thing I hope is that he sometimes thinks of me… and that he regrets his words deeply, that he re evaluates what he did and if he ever finds himself in that situation again… he won’t make the same mistake twice.

[11thwardtls]

Memory Defrag | TRACK 4 - RECORD C | Azekawa Kinari's Ward Mayor Novel Translation

Warnings and Disclaimers:

This translation is not professionally done and is not proofread. Edits and clean-ups may come at a later date.

Not a 1:1 translation either and some liberties into localization were taken into account.

This novel will contain spoilers for the Ev3ns Main Story: "Chained Up Scarlet".

Appropriate Content and Trigger Warnings will be added if needed.

May be used for quotebots/masterlists etc.

I am not fluent and self-studying Japanese (albeit at turtle speed), this was translated by ear and with the help of a JP dictionary, so please feel free to point out any errors!

CW: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

—/—/—/—/—/—

At that moment, I was in the developer’s… [Father’s] bedroom.

In spite of the repeated life-sustainment treatment he received, his body had become weak and thus had to spend most of his time asleep. 

During times when he would be strong enough to keep his eyes open, Father taught me how to perform my own self-maintenance as well as his own techniques. 

It was a wonder how different the world my Father had taught me was from the data I’ve gathered inside my head, that it was much more vivid and colorful than what I had known from within the confines of our home. 

Thinking about it now, this may have been my “emotions” functioning in its own way.

The afterglow of the sun shines through the window, and with my back against the light, I continued to sing just as Father had asked me to.

—To sing the Yokohama City Song just as the Original did.

Father, who usually had a mournful expression on his face, softened his eyes at that point. 

“...What do you want to do in the future?” He asked me when the song ended. 

“...…I am registered to answer with ‘Singer’, Master.”

After answering that question, Father’s face instantly turned dark.

“That tone of voice is wrong. I should have registered it differently.”

“......I want to be a singer, Dad.” 

“Even now, do you still want to be a singer?” “Unable to understand. The volume zone is registered up to the Original’s mid-teenage years.”

As soon as I told him, Father frowned and remained silent. 

I thought that I had made a mistake, but I could not repeat what I said once more. 

In truth, there was not enough data to properly determine whether the Original truly wanted to become a singer or not.

Father let a sigh escape him and smiled bitterly. 

“......I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. I simply lacked skill.”

“Master does not lack in anything.”

“Haha… It’s pathetic to hear that coming from you, who looks exactly just like my son.”

Should I refrain from speaking any further? Thus, I held my tongue. 

Master appeared to be in pain, after all. 

“In the past, I used to be an AI emotion engineer, but androids weren’t originally something that can be created by a single person. It’s meant to be systematically produced and managed by a team of people. Because I worked on you all by myself… You ended up being a complicated structure and leaving a lot of waste. 

Even rebuilding the program from the core would be an impossible task.”

Master’s eyes looked as if he were regretting what he’d done in the past. 

His fist shook slightly on top of the bed he laid on. 

I knew that his hands were wrinkled, yet soft and warm. 

“Wouldn’t it have been better if Master were to uninstall this current program and reinstall the current latest AI program available on the market?” 

When I had suggested this, Father scowled. 

“I cannot do that.” “Why so?”

“If I did that, it wouldn’t be ‘you’ anymore.”

“I see…”

I didn’t understand why at all. My body is simply a box.

However, the ‘brain’ within that box can be replaced at any time.

If I were to, I could reassemble the new data into my replaced brain, then I might have been able to become the ‘me’ Father had longed for. 

Father took a deep breath and spoke in a soft whisper.

“......I suppose you still lack those 21 grams, after all.”

21 grams.

The weight of a soul. 

It’s what my Father wanted for me.

A “heart”, just like human beings.

“How should I be able to obtain those 21 grams?”

This was a question I had asked multiple times before.

Father glanced at my face then lowered his eyes. 

“Within you, there was a bug I haven’t fixed yet.

If we left it out as is, a fatal error might occur…

But to me, I’d like to keep it that way.”

“...Why so?”

A bug. An error.

These words have always been much closer to me than my own heart.

It was perplexing to leave such a thing unfixed. 

“......Perhaps I may just be waiting around for that error to occur.”

His tone of voice made it seem as if he were talking to himself.

Why does Father want an error to happen? I don’t know.

There’s not enough information to make a proper hypothesis.

[———Still, if that’s what the developer wants, then it should be fine.]

That’s what I had thought at the time.

……What do I think about this now?

Inside that bedroom under the evening glow,

I stood there, awaiting for Father to speak once more, looking dejected. We did not raise our voices to speak, and in the end, we did not talk to each other any further than that.

Kinari and Father, they were a bit similar. 

“At the very least, you could say what’s on your mind in your own words.” 

Father murmured to himself.

—/—/—/—/—/—

Translation Notes: 

1 - 21 grams is an experiment, particularly on the weight of a human soul. This wiki link should do the trick of what it was. Warning for animal cruelty though.

—/—/—/—/—/—

Directory:

Main Page | TRACK 1 | TRACK 2 | TRACK 3 | TRACK 4 | TRACK 5

[bellysoupset]

alrighty hiii 🦦 it’s been so long but i’m back!!!! i stopped reading for a bit bc life got busy but also bc i had to literally put myself on restriction from your blog bc i was fr obsessed and constantly checking to see if you had updated when you were on your break and so one day i was just kinda like “wow let’s be a lil more normal abt this i think i need a break too” HAHAHAHAH so i kinda just forced myself to stop checking for a bit 💀 but then i was back reading and simply not commenting bc i couldn’t find the time hahahahah!

ANYWAYS im not super sure what the last shtuff i commented on was but i do know it was around the time you were introducing max!!! so first off i wanted to say that I LOVE HIM <333 i was a lil weary at first but he grew on me and omg the fic where we get to hear his thoughts as/after vin takes care of him???? SOB

NOW. while i do love max, i don’t know how i feel abt the idea of a vin/wen/max throuple🤠 so i’ve been STRESSED LMAO💀 i think im just super protective of wen and i absolutely LOVE wen and vin together so so so much that the thought of anything changing SCARES ME sm😭 and like,, what if things dont work out and vin and wen end up breaking up bc of it???? i’d sob for days. i think more than anything though it’s that thing you/someone mentioned abt the throuple trope needing to be super careful in terms of not just making it wen+vin and max+vin separately, but actually them all liking one another romantically and sexually, and it’s just hard for me to visualise that happening between max and wen? but also,, we haven’t seen them interact too much yet which is super exciting bc there’s so much to explore!!! so while i’m scared abt it, im also super intrigued and i simple CANNOT WAIT FOR THE MIGRAINE FIC YOU TEASED!!!!! pls make it long and maybe a lil angsty 🤭😌🫶🏽 i’m super excited to see how their dynamic turns out to be in this situation!!!!

🦦

Oh my god, OTTER!! How are you babe?!!

JHsahfdsakj you described me exactly when I was on break, I had to uninstall tumblr from my phone because I couldn't stop lurking. I hope life is treating you well, darling!

Max has the super power of growing on people like mold <3 I know the trouple won't be everyone's cup of tea, but I hope you guys will trust me on this journey and hang in there.

I'm not entirely sold either, I'm just letting these characters take the wheel and I have made a promise to myself of not forcing anything on this blog. It's my "sparks joy self indulgent" corner, I mean, I'm writing sickness porn, I think if there's one place I need to be self indulgent it's here.

In my real life I'm a very planned author, I have outlines and I'm actually taking care with pace and wording and always checking with beta readers.... Here I want it to be relaxed and to just happen naturally.

So no, Vince/Wendy are NOT breaking up, no matter how the trouple pans out or don't, there's no world where I'd do that, I really enjoy my pairings!! And I'm very excited to hear your thoughts in the recent fics and the interactions between Wen/Max, oh ye of little faith 😂😂

[lovesick-boyz]

hi.

well… after being stalked and harassed for the past couple of months, i am finally back!! stay tuned lol i got some fics lined up for y’all 😁

anyway if you read that first line and thought to yourself “WTF?!?”, here is the full story for my curious readers (just a warning, it’s long and i rant a lot):

a couple of months ago, i started getting tagged by random accs on tiktok and insta that posted vids accusing me of the most random and heinous shit. honestly, it just baffled me the first time i saw them bc they made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

when the first ones popped up, i just blocked them thinking it was a random troll and went on with my life.

but then i kept getting spammed by other accs with new posts where they not only involved me but also my friends, and accused us as a friend group of being horrible ppl.

i had enough (i can’t even remember how many accs i blocked) and deleted ALL my social media apps for a while (i.e. more than a couple of months, oops) and basically isolated myself from ppl so that i could focus on other things to distract me (i ended up making daily exercise a habit so ig that’s one good thing that’s come out of this lol, i also rewatched all the marvel movies in timeline order hehe). i wish i continued writing so i could’ve at least had more content to share by now, but i was feeling so negative and pissed that i couldn’t even bring myself to write anything (i even uninstalled notion from my phone and that’s where i keep all my drafts and fic ideas)

i only found out the full situation less than a week ago when i reinstalled tiktok bc i missed it, only to find more burner accs harassing me. i finally had enough so i reinstalled insta to rant about it on my spam acc for my friends to see and to my surprise a couple of them knew who it was and explained the whole situation to me.

it was my first time interacting with ppl outside of my family in months lol, when i tell y’all i isolated myself i really did mean it 🙃 my irl friends didn’t even know anything out of the ordinary was happening bc i’m notorious in my friend group for going off the grid for months at a time bc of how bad my mental health gets sometimes, they know to just let me be and let me deal with it alone bc they understand that’s how i work best. (they won’t see this bc they don’t know this tumblr exists but i wanna apologise to my dear friends for my disappearing acts, my bad, i love y’all for being so understanding and still being my friend after all this time 🫶🏼)

anyway, it turns out the culprit was this guy that my friend had rejected previously and he’s so bitter and hateful that he decided to harass me bc he knew i was one of her bffs (the ppl he targeted were the ones in her closest friend group which included me)

but here’s the kicker: I’VE ONLY TALKED TO THIS GUY TWICE!! AND EACH TIME WE TALKED FOR LESS THAN 5 MINS ABOUT IRRELEVANT SHIT!!! WHY AM I INVOLVED?? YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!

when my friend found out she was so surprised and appalled that he was harassing me too, bc him, my friend, and the other ppl he targeted all go to the same college together (and i’m the only one in the friend group that goes to a different college, so to reiterate once again: this guy barely knows me! the last time we spoke was at my friends bday party 3 years ago!! he’s literally insane!)

she knew he was harassing my other friends since they’re all in the same school and know him in person, she didn’t think i would be involved too and i couldn’t believe i was.

anyway, i just wanted to rant about this whole thing bc i’m having a hard time processing it tbh. i hope that guy rots in hell and also finds a job there bc he was acting hella unemployed like who has time for this? he made me feel so confused and paranoid for weeks and i hope he gets all the karma he deserves in the universe.

y’all wanna know something funny tho? i started writing a changmin stalker fic in june, way before this whole situation happened. life imitates art ig 🤪 anyway i finally finished it and i’m gonna release that fic next after i fine tune it, at least now it’ll be somewhat realistic lmaoooo

[omensgate]

fav campaign and why

<this is YOUR invitation to send me asks about anything>

oh god im no good at having feelings or opinions so ill just go down a list rattling off my experiences with the campaigns

for the record from the start ive been cheating, ive Never played this game blind. id consumed a lot of rain world playthrough medias before playing it (im not good at playing games in the sense that i simply do not experience them- im a speedrunner at heart... or not competitive or intelligent, im just walking fast paced from start to end...) and when i did play i always had a map and the wiki open which i think diminishes some of the feeling. but i still had fun moving from place to place

SURVIVOR: its classic. its sweet. its fun. i played about halfway through myself, but the second half i completed with my "Boyfriend" so i remember it as being very entertaining as we both fumbled around and learned together. it serves its purpose well and i think anything i enjoy about rain world can be seen in the survivor campaign at least to start off with... 10/10 nothing special but no loss by playing it yknow. ive also done an outer expanse + baby run (ftr if you want baby fast before going to outer expanse, live in industrial for a while. cannot compete with that pup spawn rate + you can easily make the rounds to check like 5 shelters a cycle before its anywhere near over) which yes -_- did make me cry.

MONK: i.. dont like playing monk. friendliness from other creatures does not mean much to me when actively hostile creatures are near impossible to kill because my spear can travel one (1) slugcats worth in distance so i would not play this with my fairly aggressive play style... i only played it for the short time itd take to get to outer expanse and. again. yes. i cried -_- i think its very sweet, and i am like. (clinically) psychotically attached to monk where its very important to my heart BUT Its not fun as a game experience to me

HUNTER: i tried to jolly co op cheat and play as arti to finish this as i find arti the easiest to play as but i kept crashing which is. you know. very bad for the single campaign where you want to be losing the least so ive never made much progress with this one and i genuinely dont want to open hunter back up because of the crashing. i THINK This was because i was playing w the sunhat mod because ive never experienced that magnitude of crashing constantly and uninstalled it after and have not experienced that again until... well youll read later

GOURMAND: i played this one from the start with my "Boyfriend" and so again it was fun from that, ESPECIALLY because he played as artificer and so was essentially my chariot throughout the campaign... easy way to beat gourmands exhaustion: make your partner carry you. shrimple. its SO fun to beat the shit out of creatures and i do like being forced to just take a moment and walk around slowly, i havent found his exhaustion toooo terrible if youre just patient except when youre fighting creatures that have health enough that you cant kill them in one hit. but being able to just slam something to death is SO satisfying, i enjoyed it. HOWEVER, ive never actually gotten to the END (Due to "Boyfriend" availability, we've stopped just outside the outer expanse gate). and of course, yes, every single fucking time i watch someone go into outer expanse i CRY LIKE A BABY. the first i think DOZEN times i watched people go through outer expanse, id start WAILING whenever i just saw slugcat npcs, it tugs and tears at my heart strings so badly. youre not alone. youve spent a campaign or two trudging through a wasteland empty of kind relatable figures but youre HOME now, just as you left it, and everyones so happy to see you back. im crying now . (do i just cry a lot? Maybe. im at an emotional point in my life... be nice.) 12/10 above survivor def, and gourmands my most favorite to play as in expedition- cant argue with that combat system + exhaustion isnt too bad for me + i love the variety of the world, its not impossibly difficult while not being easy.

ARTIFICER: ive never finished revenge route, ill be going to a different save file to try and it now, instead ive finished the ascension route. i know arti can be... extremely frustrating to play because its hitting a wall again and again and again but i really didnt have too much trouble approaching it knowing i had to be prepared to die + using my map a lot ("WTF this game is so unfair i cant see enemies about to shoot me!" Use Your Map. use your map and slug senses) + of course... ample map skills so im not ambling and getting like im getting lost and dying for nothing. though i will say, i did nearly give up at exactly the end- i think its the camera scroll mod but subterranean made the game near unplayable. like 0.5 frames per second, computer screaming, crashing i think a half dozen times again in an area where i NEEDED the karma to the point where i had to passage in place so i could ascend, and then crashing i think thrice while i was in the depths, including not allowing me to see the end cutscene... specifically that huge room with the big pit would grind the game to a halt i think because its so large and all the enemy AI, and all the spiders and centipedes are a nightmare and i just... hated it. every other leg of the game was fine, rewarding, heart touching but dear fucking lord, subterranean isnt more difficult or intriguing its just "the games not going to play smoothly at all and heres 5000000 ridiculously enemies". i WANT to love it, you know i love arti, but its just impossible to play if you want to ascend. and of course revenge route is crazy short which feels bad. removed from my experiences though, i think its beautiful with the one caveat that revenge route is TOO short. ive watched way too many people who were interested in the lore never get to even the third dream because theres just not enough shelters if you run straight to metropolis, which makes me sad. but the story generally is beautiful and i love it (and i could talk about it later, some of the things people say about arti makes me.. insane. either that shes totally righteous in her actions, or that her pups deaths are her fault)

SPEARMASTER: playing this one while cheating both using the map to plan exactly the route you need and to go through precipice as arti for the double jump + to swallow the pearl made it an absolute dream. yes the world is very scary but you can avoid a lot of the worst parts by simply not being there <3 one part: i did forget to change back to spearmaster before going to moon and she did crash my game so . remember to do that. very good campaign both for me to have played without doing anything as intended (never touched a broadcast), combat is fun, but also a very good story. i really like five pebbles and... i cannot get into the degree of five pebbles apologist i am i genuinely cant detail this without going off the rails. regardless; much 2 think about.

RIVULET: never played this one + not playing this one very scary looks bad dont want it. no rot no underwater sections no thank you. wont touch it. wont look at it. thank you

SAINT: hesitant to play this one due to the adventure aspect though i already got all echoes with arti so it cant be that bad- of course the story aspect of it all cannot be understated and it fully shattered my world view when i got into it. rain worlds live and die messaging has really helped me through suicidal and delusional periods and im very glad for what can be gleaned from saints story so i do like it a lot. as ive said before its also so amazing how a game with little to no tutorial text or cutscenes can have numerous jaw drop moments (with max karma reveal and descent into rubicon)

SOFANTHIEL: funny haha! (Jumps around