#I wanted to add misunderstandings but I’m not sure this would qualify

[estrellami-1]

Steddie Week 2023

May 27th Prompt: True

Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 7

@steddie-week

“True.”

It’s something they had started a while ago, when Eddie had first awakened in the hospital after an unsure week. He hadn’t remembered much, what he did remember was jumbled around, and half the time the only parts he could voice were random phrases.

Steve had begun answering in one of two words: true or false. Eddie’s face told him if he wanted clarification, but for the most part he was content with just knowing what was true.

Now, it had settled into their daily vernacular. Sometimes it’s something silly, sometimes it’s something a bit heavier.

But always, always, they tell each other the truth.

“Grape’s better than cherry,” Steve says, grinning, teasing, holding up his drink.

Eddie makes a face. “False.”

Steve laughs, takes a swig. No matter what Eddie says, they both have both flavors in their fridges, and Steve doesn’t see that changing anytime soon.

“You hate Hawkins,” he says suddenly.

Eddie looks steadily at him. “True,” he says quietly.

“You want to leave.”

Eddie closes his eyes. “True.” He takes a breath. “You’re staying. For the kids.”

I’d come if you asked, Steve thinks, but says, “True.”

“You won’t miss me.”

Steve locks eyes with Eddie. “False,” he says, choking on the sincerity.

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow. He jokes weakly, “You’re trying to make this harder for me.”

Steve can’t joke, doesn’t answer, just looks away and takes another drink. Hopes it’ll stave off the tears in his eyes. “I should go,” he finally says. “It’s getting late, I’ve got a shift-”

“False,” Eddie interrupts, hand latching on to Steve’s wrist. “Robin was complaining today about having to open tomorrow. Steve?”

Steve doesn’t look at him. Can’t. “What do you want me to say? That I don’t want you to go? That I’d never stop you from leaving? That I’d follow if you asked?”

“And what am I supposed to do?” Eddie whispers back. “Because you know I’d never tear you from the kids. You know the town hates me. You know leaving you, leaving the kids, is gonna tear me apart. But the town might literally tear me apart if I don’t leave.”

“We’re doomed,” Steve says softly.

“True,” Eddie says sadly, tugs gently on Steve’s wrist. “But maybe not tonight.”

Steve looks at Eddie. Smiles through his tears. “True,” he agrees, and lets himself lean in. Lets himself have what he never dreamed he could, if only for a night.

The next morning, Eddie smiles at Steve. “Fuck the town,” he says quietly. “Ask me to stay.”

Steve’s eyes light up with barely-repressed hope. “You’ll stay? For me?”

“True,” Eddie whispers, and leans in.

[ginjointsintheworld]

I really liked what you had to say about Leyla staying or leaving and what would be out of character. I’ve seen so many terrible takes from people who just really want Lauren to be this controlling, overbearing monster and in doing that, they just flatten Leyla and minimize her to a lesson for Lauren but it’s like they don’t even see what they’re doing? Because Lauren is wrong, there’s no question about it, even she knows this, hence the guilt. But to make it out like she just wanted to keep Leyla in her sights to control her, without factoring in her background and their shared history is only taking in half the story-

-so is making Leyla out to be this naive, total island of a person who would just drop everything due to her pride. Because she’s not stupid, while the circumstances that lead up to her residency are murky, her skill is undeniable and she’s more than proved herself. She’ll undoubtedly be angry that Lauren risked both their futures and lied, but that’s the biggest issue I think; her not trusting Lauren and even breaking up with her, not that she’ll think she doesn’t belong because her medical expertise doesn’t hinge on Lauren’s influence. Paid for position or not, if she was a terrible doctor, she wouldn’t last in the program at all. Even if it’s publicized, which I highly doubt, it’s like you stated, everyone in the ED knows Leyla’s qualified and even petty gossip can’t deny that. I do think there’s a small chance she might make a rash decision in anger, but she’s had time to settle and is finally doing what she loves again, there’s a much bigger chance that she doesn’t just up and leave because she knows she’s qualified and really deserves to be there. I’m more interested in how Leyla decides to move forward in the context of their relationship because I think that’s pretty complex. Immediately forgiving Lauren and brushing it off is something I’d say doesn’t add up with what we’ve seen, because trust is a big deal and Lauren was seemingly great at fooling her, which has got to be heart wrenching. But if they actually show them rebuilding that trust and having serious conversations that result in them staying together, I don’t think it’s automatically a ‘betrayal’ of her character. It’s complicated and just laying it out as Lauren is bad and Leyla needs to get away from under her thumb is quite the misunderstanding of both their characters.

y'all think I'M articulate??? look at this anon!

yeah i've definitely seen people try to boil down the situation to the bare bones of 'lauren is a fucked up controlling person and poor leyla deserves better.' i've even seen people throw around the word toxic which lol, let me tell you, NOTHING grinds my gears more than people using toxic to justify their hatred or distaste of a character and using it as a way to villainize them. i'll concede, sure, what lauren did for the 5th spot was a toxic action. i don't know that i would call it that myself but sure. but a toxic action doesn't make a toxic person or a toxic relationship. lauren's deep seated fear of getting left again, especially when she knows that the person leaving, for once in her experience, doesn't want to, drove her need to exert control over the situation and unfortunately leyla by proxy. but at every other point in their relationship, when has lauren ever tried to control leyla? i don't think lauren could even control leyla if she TRIED and shit that's one of the things lauren loves so much about her. hello, remember the warning growl in leyla's voice when she asked "are you spying on me?" in 4x03? once upon a time lauren tried to make an executive decision in their relationship and leyla laughed in her face and told her to sit down and hold her hand and enjoy their romantic candle lit dinner.

now her other issues with control? well she's working on that. again, i bring it up, but 4x04 was another situation of that itch to control the situation where leyla would be controlled by proxy but lauren resisted the urge. recognized that it wasn't healthy or needed. it's why i'm curious to see if we'll see lauren backing out of this second donation. but i absolutely believe lauren needs to sit down and unpack her actions with the 5th spot and truly confront it to understand, to acknowledge the consuming desperation that drove her to that point and to know how not to give into it again.

and leyla. exactly like you said, i don't think the issue will be or should be leyla not believing she's worthy of or earned her spot at NA. to me it feels like the writers have taken the steps to tackle that head on. her insecurities around whether her abilities as a foreign trained doctor would hold up have for the most part been assuaged. i mean, look at her crushing all of lauren's prep questions in this week's episode! no, the main conflict should rest on the broken trust between her and lauren now. i don't think leyla will immediately forgive lauren either and tbh she shouldn't. leyla should take all the time she needs to be furious and hurt and sad and every emotion in between to process this. i suspect leyla won't want to hear anything lauren has to say for some time and lauren will desperately want to pled her case but she'll have to do the hardest thing imaginable. let go and wait for the moment when leyla is ready.

god i really hope the show chooses to explore how they rebuild the trust and navigate forward, how they choose each other because they believe that what still remains is too precious to leave behind. there's a great story there and one that's just as much, if not more compelling than us having to watch lauren utterly shatter to pieces again and have to pick it all back up.

[im-thinking-arson]

Hi wow depression is a hell of a thing.

I'm sorry for the relative silence here, considering everything that has been going on in the last (roughly) year and a half it has been really hard to focus on any creative outlets. Everything has felt pretty heavy as I have been piecing together what exactly happened to myself and the people I used to share a community with.

Although my former FC is basically non-existent at this point, I feel it is appropriate to say that I no longer associate with its' leader @morganaux (sernoudenet on Twitter and formerly here) and to clarify why.

I have been struggling with what to even say about the situation. There are so many layers that I don't honestly know if any single cross-section could explain all there is to unpack. When it takes multiple people six months to explore everything they know as fact... I think that shows its not so much of a 'he said, they said' scenario as the few people who still support Morgy have tried to claim.

I feel guilty not speaking up sooner, considering this person is a member of the FFXIV community who I'm fairly sure some of my mutuals follow. Its so hard to speak out when he publicly acts innocent, like he has quietly moved on and refuses to acknowledge what he's done.

The reality feels so cold in contrast, with the knowledge I have- that he has done this multiple times before, burning down or wearing down those he has hurt with false sincerity; claiming innocence, claiming people misunderstand the significance of the intentions behind the knives in their backs, claiming he is the truest victim of the mess wrought of his own actions.

He quietly retweets fan art, cute animals, head canons, and all kinds of fandom things- but also others' tweets to identify with their own traumas- the same traumatic thoughts and feelings he incites in others through a mixture of gaslighting, lashing out, and playing the victim. He tweets passive aggressively about people he feels the victim of, (justified or not) even amid posts about his dearly beloved OC.

At this point I should just block him and try to scrape all memory of what I went through from my mind, but un-fucking-fortunately I know him too well to believe it's over when it's over. He still makes passive aggressive tweets about people he hasn't talked to in one, two, ?? years, a person who was a good friend to him for 10 years before he scapegoated them to maintain his own sense of righteousness.

Seeing as I witnessed him maintain not one, not two, not three- FOUR venting channels in his own discord, including at one point one specifically made for sh*tting on a single person, defending it's use and encouraging others to participate saying 'this is how victims cope'...

I know it's not over, and if he had a single shred of...anything... He could leverage against me he would have already tried to 'cancel' me. I'm not turning my back again to see if he decides to throw another knife.

For a long time I wanted to believe I had simply misunderstood the situation, that his intentions weren't so self-serving. The more I saw, the more I heard testimony from others that matched my own, the more I began to un-repress and process my own memories and connect the dots... And the less sense his own account made.

While I tried to maintain my friendship with him I ignored all the red flags, my own rise in anxiety, the isolation I felt. I felt so much pressure to fit into his equation, to be a supportive friend, to keep track of how he was feeling that I stopped taking care of my own mental health.

All the while he got angry for people not checking on him when he asked for space, threw a fit when anyone failed to accommodate his whims, and even accused his three closest friends of purposefully excluding him by taking screenshots without him in them or even hanging out together when he was offline..

And he would have people believe that most of the issues he was involved in centered on his friends not communicating with him. But in my case at least, nothing could be further from the truth.

I told him I felt uncomfortable with the fact his (at the time) friend had publicly lashed out at me in his discord server for stating my opinion. He suggested I work harder to befriend this person, that he couldn't and wouldn't approach his friend about it because he wasn't a FC member and only there as a friend of himself and his two closest friends.

He lashed out at a former friend (and FC mate) of mine -on my behalf- because they wouldn't stop messaging me while I was at work... And when this person subsequently put me on blast thinking I had put him up to it I mentioned considering posting my side of the story- to initially be shamed (by the person mentioned above) for suggesting I protect myself, stating it could make things worse for the people who had already publicly attacked this person...

I approached him about another former friend of his angrily ranting about a character I had though at the time they knew I was planning to RP (I had spoken about it both in-game and in a discord we all shared) because I didn't know them well enough to feel comfortable saying that made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in the space. I approached my former friend because I knew from experience he took things like this seriously and he was the one who had invited this character TO role play in the first place.

He reacted by telling this person he had no idea why I was upset, asked them to address an issue they had no context for - prompting them to write an apology, and then reinforced their worry that I hated them by saying I "probably disliked them since [I] hadn't written them an apology" in return. I had thought they both wanted to drop the subject because he stopped responding about the situation.

He decided the situation was resolved and kept inviting us around one another for at least four months while keeping up the illusion that I disliked this person despite me trying to remain friendly- and said nothing about the situation until AFTER he had nuked his FC and almost everyone was done with his bullshit. I had asked him to be honest about the situation and finally got "[name] thinks you dislike him" ???

(I might add more details about these situations because it's honestly much more of a mess than it might seem, but I'd probably have to write a fucking book to explain everything well in-sequence of events.)

But those examples aside, I told him up front that the favoritism he showed and my concerns being glossed over was messing with my head, that I didn't know if I felt safe in his FC, that the whole situation was making me feel like I was losing my grip on reality, that at one point feeling like I was being discouraged from defending myself was beginning to make me feel su*cidal. These are things he knew.

He reacted to this ignoring both cause and effect, ignoring me unless I reached out first or it concerned RP, continually inviting me to hang out with people he knew I felt uncomfortable with (or vice versa) and normally turning down anything I invited him to do otherwise- including several times that I offered to help him with Eden or dungeons he wanted to farm when he previously said he was free to do so. A couple of times he declined saying he was waiting to see if he could convince another friend... and then threw a fit about 'no one wanting to help him' despite declining my offer and not reaching out to me after his other friend declined (I was still online but he decided to vent on discord instead).

Behind my back he talked shit about me, enough that someone who had known him 10 years and was familiar with his behavioral patterns qualified it 'constant' bashing, whenever I came up in conversation. And even included confronting me about the three situations I mentioned above in a plan he was working on to 'fix' his FC, as if he thought I was reaching out to him to stir up drama.

Eventually it came out that the friend I mentioned in the first example was emotionally abusing his friends (and I found out later told him two of them were talking shit about him- prompting HIM to lash out at them). One of them mentioned that person had still been talking shit about me 6 months later on a private account and when I got upset that THREE people I had thought were my friends didn't tell me, I made a few jokes in poor taste (that I do now regret) about the situation to try and prevent myself from having a mental break down.

The person he led to believe I hated left the discord server at that point and he decided to divert some of the blame for (in his words) 'being worried for this person's life' -whom he had attacked over the situation- to me... blaming them leaving and him having trouble contacting them on me.

I told him if this former friend was indeed attacking people and he was so worried we needed to talk about the situation, since in other situations his response was to ignore the hurt caused. He blew up about me messaging him at work, he blamed me for every situation I had brought to his attention. He went to his mods to rant about me and sent one of them to scope out the situation in hopes they could shut me up.

This is the friend of 10 years, who quickly became concerned and not for the reasons he had hoped. They shared a few screenshots of things said to gaslight me behind my back as the conversation progressed. Eventually the other mod jumped in and, knowingly or not proceeded to gaslight me FOR him, based on what they were told. By him.

They reinforced everything he was saying in guise of a neutral perspective and my efforts to prevent a full-scale breakdown failed. I lost all grip on reality for several days- in which at some point I wrote an apology to him for accusing him of several things that were later proven true- and one thing he, himself, proved he'd lied about to the other person involved.

I spent almost two weeks in a self-imposed social break to sort everything out and attempt to cope with what I was told was reality. I fell into the deepest depression I've been in since I had to run away from home, and honestly if it wasn't for my wonderful SO and our house mates, I might have really hurt myself.

It turns out another situation had been brewing parallel to my own. People had been coming to the social mod, the friend of 10 years, with their own worries about him. Almost every. Single. Member. Including at least four people who came forward with fears that if they did a single thing that he interpreted as an insult or threat they would find themselves exiled, called out, and ranted about in a jumbled mix of truth and fictional-malice until their own friends turned on them to support his victim complex.

These four people came forward on the condition that their names be kept anonymous to protect their identity. He didn't take kindly to this, quickly demanding names so they (his mod team) could handle the situation. The mod refused, knowing he has a history of lashing out at any criticism against him and to protect those who were already afraid of bringing the problems up to Morgy.

He reacted by lashing out at this person, claiming they ruined his life, and attempting to weed out those who had spoken out against him by kicking anyone he didn't feel 'safe' being around from his FC. He posted a message in his FC discord about resuming his 'reign of terror'... Which, even if it was a joke, was in in poor taste after pruning his FC of anyone he didn't think could be convinced of his 'good intentions.'

I missed this first culling of his FC members, I assume, because I had apologized and at the time submitted to his version of events. He approached me soon after I noticed the changes in the discord and FC roster; claiming he really wanted to work things out and remain friends- going as far as to say he was so nervous about my reaction that he was shaking.

I wanted to take him at face value despite everything that happened because yeah, I did want to believe he was sincere, that he was a good friend, and that all of it had been an unfortunate misunderstanding. And at first I did until I started talking to other people who knew him and getting their side of the story. Nothing he said added up. Between first-hand testimony and over a hundred screenshots from multiple people the ONLY things that were clear and consistent were that he lied and fit his narrative to whatever he wanted to achieve.

He tried to reduce conflict by omitting information, he controlled people's perception of one another by how he spoke about them and how close he let them to himself and others, he built a support group by polarizing his friends against his 'enemies' and if anyone had a problem with him... They were wrong, and got added to the pile of 'aggressors' he had accumulated over the years, to be bashed and spit on for years to come.

He may have sensed my change in opinion when I directly asked him to help me reach out to the person who thought I disliked them-  managed to come to an understanding and we mutually apologized for the situation... Without his meddling. Or maybe when he realized I was still on talking terms with the people he had lashed out at and directly asked him why he had kicked people who did absolutely nothing to him... Or it could be that I kept in contact with the person who 'ruined his life' by trying to protect his friends from him. I don't know.

While we were still talking he tried to identify with me and bond over the feeling of loosing the FC, a group of people that despite the anxiety, and pain I had felt in the environment he'd built I did deeply respect and care about... Despite the dissolution of that group and the abuse I suffered being -at the core- his own fault. He even went as far as to say my description of the PTSD and fear I was experiencing described exactly how he was feeling, too.

As our conversations further weighed on my mental health I had to take a break from interacting with him. I was honest again, with what I was told, what I knew, and asked him for honesty about the situation... What he had said about me behind my back and why because I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to see if he would acknowledge the harm he caused both to me and the rest of the (former) FC.

He never did, and probably won't. He asked for some time to tend to his own stress levels and mental health and then blocked me on all social media and discord, and kicked me from his FC without ever making an effort to reach out.

Of the few people who are still close to him, one of them suggested that "maybe he just decided he didn't want to be friends anymore." But after him begging to have a conversation to iron out all the facts, claiming to be so anxious about such a conversation going well that he was 'shaking', admitting that what he did hurt people and that my being wary of him was understandable, asking me -directly- to let him know if he did anything 'shady', and stressing he REALLY wanted this conversation to take place when we were both able to handle it because of how important he felt it was...

I feel like its fair to say that him suddenly cutting off all contact isn't quite so simple. He could have done that at any point. Before pointedly ignoring my concerns, before gaslighting me, before blaming me for the results of his own actions, before accepting an apology for accusing him of things he did legitimately do, and certainly before directly telling me had no real problems with me, that he it was super important to him that we remain friends, and that I deserved his honesty.

I'm not going to try and tell anyone who they should be friends with or not. Frankly, people can change and in a lot of cases experiences with individuals will be different.

But on that same note, if I had known then what I know now I might have saved myself from roughly two years of anxiety and avoided the state of dissonance I now find myself in. I still have moments where I want to doubt the things I experienced first hand. My mind is still trying to repress my own memories to cope.

A part of me still cares about him despite everything because as far as I knew, he was my friend and I am still trying to reconcile what I found to be true.

At this point I feel like I should say please don't harass Morgy if you read this, but honestly? If you have any reason to hold him accountable go for it. He needs it. And if you have any gut feelings about him or anyone in his circle please listen to it. The few supporters he still has are willing to ignore anything he has done previous to the fall of his FC and have shown they are willing to debate and accuse people who speak out about legitimate concerns involving him.

If anyone has any questions I am willing to answer them and share the proof I have.

And in the off chance anyone wants to (further) argue with me about my experiences or whether or not I suffered enough to be considered a victim, please Google some images of a hand giving the middle finger. But if after that you still really want to play stupid games? I can find you some stupid prizes.

I don't owe him my silence. Or peace of mind. The only thing I owe him is to be as entirely, brutally, honest as possible given the information I have. I think it's a fair offer considering the mind-numbing volume of honesty he -still- owes all of us.

- - - - -

I may add more onto this. Unfortunately the entire situation is a lot more complex, but I wanted to get the backbone of my own experiences out there and there is so much bullshit it can't all be seen from any one direction. A lot of the circumstantial evidence loops back into other situations and makes it hard to comprehensively represent everything on any sort of singular timeline. As I said in the beginning there is a reason it took a small group 6 months to piece it together.

I am far from the only person hurt, and the entire situation was a mess with people feeling unnerved or pressured into going along with his agenda. For the most part now that I have more context I don't blame most of the people involved for their own actions. I fully support those who can't or won't come forward about the situation whether they just want out of his drama, or are afraid to come forward.

[ronbegleyformayor]

So this is going to be a long post—your question gets to the larger topic that is episode 100. Also to anyone reading this I would appreciate if you took a minute or two to read the whole thing—I purposefully waited a while to respond to this so my response would come across as measured as possible.

So anyone plugged into queer theory and media has probably heard of the term “bury your gays”. It’s a trope that goes at least as far back as lesbian pulp fiction novels from the early 20th century, and for a number of reasons that I’m not remotely qualified to comment on the trope has persisted into modern media. As the name implies, bury your gays is the implicit belief that for a story about gay people to end correctly, usually one or both members of a gay couple are killed before the it ends. Whether intentional or not, the trope is rooted in the idea that gay couples are not supposed to be together, that queer love is a temporary fantasy that must be righted by the end of the story. A weird kind of offshoot of this is the causing of gay characters to suffer through loneliness or separation from a partner, and it comes from the underlying idea that gay=alone. Frequently this manifests in queer characters feeling that they have to choose between family and friends and the “"gay lifestyle”“ when in reality those two things frequently are not mutually exclusive. A subset of this trope is featuring a gay character (or frequently the partner of a more-established gay character) as possessed by some form of “evil” to emphasize which side of the temptation is “correct” and which isn’t.

I’m guessing you can see what I’m teeing up here, so I’ll just add as a caveat that most writers (especially straight writers) do not necessarily agree with the homophobia behind these tropes, nor is it (usually) their intent to perpetuate negative stereotypes about gay people. That being said the legacy of this trope is alive in a lot of media, and intentional or not: gay people suffering is entrenched in how we think about writing them.

Now to be extra clear, I’m not (necessarily) saying this is what King Falls is doing. So far the writing of queer themes and homophobia has been nuanced and has avoided a lot of the pitfalls that have come to be expected, but I would also be lying if I didn’t say episode 100 didn’t rub me the wrong way, and for a couple of specific reasons, too.

For me what that boils down to is characterization and timing.

Let’s talk about characterization first.

Just think about this for a second: what do you know about Jack Wright? No really, can you name anything beyond the bare minimum of characteristics? He’s a journalist and radio host, has a belief in the paranormal, and loves Sammy. He has a sister and a fiancé, has black hair and brown eyes, and plays rugby. I can’t think of a single other concrete fact we’ve learned about him specifically, and being generous like less than half of the things on that list don’t directly have to do with Sammy. Now we could extrapolate bits of his personality based on the two very short clips we’ve ever heard of him and from what’s implied by Sammy and Lily, but that’s also kind of the point: everything we know about Jack Wright is almost exclusively based off his sister and his fiancé, both of whom are anything but unbiased. Did you notice how Lily trashed Sammy and Jack’s radio show in the first King Falls Chronicles but then went on to call Jack smart and prolific in his field like five minutes later? It’s a(n understandable) level of cognitive dissonance for someone who was going through the difficult process of grieving. Both Sammy and Lily are biased sources of information because both care very deeply for Jack. On it’s own that really isn’t a problem—in fact I would say it’s an opportunity for an interesting bit of narrative contrast between the perception of Jack and the reality of when we actually get to meet him.

That at least was my opinion.

Instead we have this ”“dark”“ version of Jack, a lover just out of reach who’s trying to tempt Sammy into leaving his family and friends for the “freedom” of the void. This is a situation that, if I’m being honest, has some homophobic tinges, and hearing the dialogue played out the way it was kind of made my stomach turn (and not in the fun, scared-to-death at 3AM way I’m used to).

Now please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think this is what the writers were intending, nor do I think that there is anything necessarily wrong with having a normally good character occupy a “bad guy” role. When done correctly it can be interesting and compelling, and help tease out different aspects of a character or relationship dynamic. The issue isn’t that we’re seeing a “bad” version of Jack, the issue is that a. the specific wording of his interaction made my homophobia alarm bells go off, and more critically b. this “bad” version of of Jack is the only true version of him we know. Having him in a “bad” role outside his norm would be interesting if we actually had a real-time, in-person Jack with which to compare him. We might have a constructed idea of who he is from descriptions of biased sources close to him or tapes that are probably a decade old, but we only need to hear from this ”“shadow”“ Jack two more times and it’ll be more times than we’ve heard even recordings of the real Jack.

Emily, for example, had a baseline character established before her abduction. We got to know her as a character before she went missing, so when we eventually saw her as a different version of herself, we had a baseline understanding of how she typically acts in a situation, which is something we just don’t have with Jack.

Also, do you notice how Jack never directly spoke to Lily? He talked about her, but never to her, and can we take a moment to appreciate the gravity of that moment? Jack (or whatever was controlling him) had the opportunity to lure one of the four members of the "named” in the prophecy in the book, and instead of choosing his sister, the person he has known for his entire life and the only flesh and blood family with whom he’s in contact, and he chose to lure Sammy instead, to make Sammy choose between a gay relationship and the support system he’s built up.

Can you understand why this kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth? It feels a little like the “love the sinner” (Jack), hate the sin (being “bad”, trying to make Sammy have to decide between romance and a family), and that’s an adage that queer people tend to get tired of really quickly.

Again, because I really don’t want to be misunderstood, I don’t think this is what the writers intended; in fact I’m guessing the thought probably never even crossed their minds. But at the end of the day that’s kind of the point: if you’re going to make a show that subverts homophobic tropes (which I will readily say that they have done up until this point), you have to make sure not to accidentally fall into any of them yourself.

This leads me into my other issue with the episode: the timing.

My opinion toward the show right now would be considerably less harsh if this was not the last episode before a hiatus. I’m not saying the show can’t take breaks, but ending after this episode specifically? We are left with a very specific image of who Jack is, and exactly what kind of influence he has on Sammy. We’re left with the impression that Sammy has to choose between his found family and a gay relationship, and just to put icing on the cake we’re being told there is going to be another hiatus, prolonging the suffering of a character who has been through quite a lot already.

If this wasn’t the episode before a hiatus, I wouldn’t be as unhappy because we would have more immediate reactions to what had happened. We would have the four of them discussing it in detail. Maybe we even would have gotten a chance to hear Sammy himself say that this wasn’t Jack, and even get to hear more detail from him about who Jack is, if not what we heard. Maybe we would have actually gotten to see them get a step closer to getting Jack back instead of now knowing that the void has been opened, and we have to wait for another few months to see if the gay characters will ever get something even resembling a happy ending.

But we didn’t get any of that. Instead we got a cold, empty laugh that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since.

This isn’t to say that the show is headed in a bad direction. I think because this was not the intent that there is still plenty potential for things to stay on the rails. But what it looks like from here is that we are just continuing to prolong the suffering of the gay couple that sits at the emotional heart of the show’s main plotline. I’m just getting to a point where I’m starting to lose faith that we will see anything but it.

also huge thanks to @calebmichaels and @deputytroy. a lot of these points were the distillation of conversations between us, and if you think that I made a particularly interesting point at all in this post, it was probably their idea, not mine.

[pandawritespoorly]

With Time: Chapter 4 - Talks

Chapter Summary: The Quantics and Adrien sort out a misunderstanding while Marinette has a chat with someone from Françoise Dupont.

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They pull up to the bakery, Adrien and Claude take a break from the puns as they exit the car with everyone else. Allegra, Allan, Claude, and Felix take in the bakery, making their first impressions.

Marinette, on the other hand, is staring both longingly and apprehensively across the street at her old school. Any minute now the bell will ring and all the students, Ms. Bustier’s class included, will pour out of it. Marinette is well aware that some may come this way looking for snacks.

Adrien notices her gaze and steers her inside after the others, who are now speaking with her maman at the counter.

“-help you today?” Her voice fades as she notices Marinette walk in. After glancing between both her daughter and the four teens at the counter she makes the connection, “Oh! You’re here with Marinette?” at their confirmation, she waves them behind the counter.

A school bell is heard, Marinette’s immediate discomfort is noticed by the boy at her side.

“Can we head upstairs now, Sabine?” Adrien doesn’t want Marinette downstairs if there’s any chance of seeing anyone from Françoise Dupont.

“Oh course, dear!” to the other four, she adds, “Just head on up, Adrien and Marinette can show you where everything is.”

They make their way upstairs, waving at Marinette’s father working with dough in the back as they went. Eventually Marinette leads them to a pale pink couch in what must be the living room.

“I’m going to go get snacks. You guys, uh, get to know each other? I’ll be right over there.” It probably isn’t a far enough distance to qualify her telling them, but she hasn’t had new guests over in a long time.

“So, Adrien. How did you meet Marinette?” It’s the blonde girl, who is currently Adrien’s top concern in the group. The kid in green, and the blond boy seem like they’re just more withdrawn, and Claude is friendly, but this one seemed a little too interested in Marinette’s celebrity contacts. If she’s just here for Marinette’s connections, something will have to be done.

At the question, Marinette almost drops something in the small kitchen. Adrien has the feeling these four may not know about why she transferred, or even where she went before, so he keeps his answer simple and voice sweet, “I let her borrow my umbrella one day. She was one of my first friends outside of modelling!”

“That’s very nice of you.” She sounds wary, and it’s less of a compliment and more of a statement.

The other three on the couch have caught onto the girl’s behaviour and look confused.

“Hey, I don’t think I ever got your names. Outside of Claude of course.” He would like to know their names. Not just to Google them.

“That is true, I apologize for that.” The blond boy extends his hand, “Felix Voclain.”

Adrien shakes the Felix’s hand, he recognizes the name, the boy’s father is a well known businessman.

“I’m Allan, and this” he points his thumb at the girl, “is Allegra.” He says her name like a mother would a misbehaving child.

Marinette arrives, carrying a tray of various pastries. As she sets it down the door opens.

“Dup- Marinette . Have you been avoiding me?” Marinette had immediately stiffened at Chloe’s voice, but has relaxed slightly.

“C-Chloe! What are you doing here?” 

“Looking for you, obviously ,” she rolls her eyes, “Honestly, that question was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. You just disappeared on us, and Adrien wouldn’t tell me where you went! Some friend he is!”

He smiles sheepishly, “Sorry, Chlo…”

She holds up a perfectly manicured hand, cutting him off, “Save it. I’m here for Marinette.” Turning to the girl in question,”You look like you healed well…”

The pig-tailed girl glances nervously at her guests, “I d-did. Um, what did you need from me?”

Chloe’s face falls, and she looks away, “I-I’d like to talk to you.” glancing at the strangers around her, she adds, ”in private …?”

Marinette looks surprised, “Oh. Okay, uh, follow me.” With that she heads up the stairs to her room, leaving Adrien with her new friends.

Allan is the first to speak, “Allegra, you got sumthin’ you want ta’ share with us?”

The girl turns to Adrien, “I don’t like you.”

Before any of the other three can say something, Adrien speaks, his voice cold, “The feeling is mutual, at least, until I’m sure you won’t be hurting Mari.”

Allegra looks shocked and offended, “Hurt Marinette? I would never. You on the other hand, I’m not so sure about…”

Before Adrien can add anything, Claude interrupts, holding his arms up peacefully, “All right, you two. I don’t know what started this, but maybe you should both explain yourselves.”

“Yeah, we don’t wanna’ start a fight.” Allan adds in.

Adrien nods, fine, he can do that, “I don’t know what gave you the idea that I would hurt Marinette. She’s the kindest person I know and my closest friend.” His face colors a little,”I care about her a lot, and the last thing I want for her is for someone ,” At this he glares at Allegra, “to not treat her the way she deserves. So I have no ill will towards her. You on the other hand, I’m not so sure about.”

The entire time he was speaking, Allegra was getting more and more mad. At this point, she is fairly certain he wasn’t any sort of toxic person to Marinette, but to imply she is, and on what grounds? With him finally done speaking she’s ready to-

Felix speaks up, “I would like to know your reasoning for being rather accusatory towards towards my friend. As for you Allegra, I’m sure he has good reasons. It would do you well to keep your cool.”

The once friendly feeling of the room has cooled. Allegra takes a deep breath to steady herself, turning once more to Adrien, waiting.

“I wanted to meet Marinette’s new friends to make sure that they - you guys weren’t being…” he pauses, looking for a word or phrase, “ conditional with your friendship. She’d mentioned a few things and I wasn’t sure if it was her anxiety, or the people she was with.”

Allegra seems to have relaxed some,” And why did you dislike me in particular? You seemed fine with the others.”

“You were the most focused on Marinette’s celebrity connections. I didn’t want her being used by you for that.”

“Fair enough. I suppose it would be fair if I explained myself then. Marinette strikes me as someone with ...confidence issues.” at this, Adrien seems troubled, but Allegra continues,” A rich model seemed like as good a person as any to give them to her.”

Adrien nods as Claude pipes up,”Now that we’ve moved past all that, we should get to know each other! All we really know about you is your name, and that you think Marinette is just as great as we do!”

Adrien is about to respond when the trapdoor opens. Chloe walks down, followed by Marinette. Something about the two girls seems off, but he isn’t quite sure what. They stand awkwardly for a moment, before they give an equally awkward hug and Chloe walks out the door.

Marinette turns to her guests, clapping her hands together, “So! What were you guys up to? Got any ideas on what we should do?”

---

Earlier

  Chloe’s face falls, and she looks away, “I-I’d like to talk to you.” glancing at the strangers around her, she adds, ”in private …?”

Marinette looks surprised, “Oh. Okay, uh, follow me.” With that she heads up the stairs to her room, leaving Adrien with her new friends.

When Chloe enters her room, she closes the trapdoor behind her. The blonde looks more uncomfortable than Marinette has ever seen her.

Taking pity on her former bully, she speaks first, “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Chloe takes a deep breath, “ I’dliketoapologize.”  

Being well versed in deciphering rushed speaking, Marinette knows perfectly well what was said, but out of surprise and confusion she reflexively asks,”What?”

“ I would like to apologize to you . Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I’m… sorry.” The normally pulled together girl looks frazzled and uneasy. This isn’t her element.

Marinette’s mind has caught up, but she needs more than that . “What exactly are you sorry for? And what brought this on? Start from the beginning.”

Chloe pauses - thinking,”The beginning? I guess that would be when I became Queen Bee. Like, when Ladybug actually chose me. I guess it...made me start thinking.”

Marinette was silent, though it was less out of respectful listening skills and more out of fear of breaking this strange spell. Who is this person and what did they do with Chloe Bourgeois? Should she be dealing with an akuma right now?

“It’s just like, someone believed in me you know?” she stops, “Oh, of course you don’t, but imagine that you do okay?”

Marinette rolls her eyes, but lets her continue.

“I- Ladybug’s only experience with me was all the akuma attacks and she still trusted me with a miraculous. She believed in me. She thought I could change…” She trails off lost in her own thoughts.

Little did Chloe know that Ladybug had had years of experience with Chloe. Years of being bullied by her. In all honesty, Marinette isn’t sure why she chose to trust Chloe, but something in her had told her that Chloe at least deserved a chance. If the Chloe before her was anything to go by, maybe she had been right.

“I wanted to live up to Ladybug’s expectations. I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I wasn’t sure how to do that, like, obviously, I had to be nicer, but I didn’t know how .”

The blonde takes a breath, and continues, sounding unsure and vulnerable, “I thought that being nicer meant not being mean, so I just avoided people, and tried to leave them alone. Like that ridiculous liar Rossi! Normally I wouldn’t let her even try to steal my spotlight - or my Adrikins-” She cuts herself off looking at Marinette strangely, then continues,”I thought I was being better - I even gave Sabrina gifts! That she could keep! Not just borrow! But… something still felt off, and I didn’t know why! It was ridiculous - utterly ridiculous! I hadn’t been mean for months! I hadn’t fired any employees or made anyone cry! Then… I heard the yelling from the classroom and I guess I realized, a true hero isn’t just not mean, they also, like, don’t let other people be mean. They don’t do nothing, they do something . They do something positive . So I figured I had to start doing that too..” 

Chloe is looking at the ground, she is shaking slightly, and hugging herself tightly, Marinette takes a step forward, and places a gentle hand on her shoulder, Chloe looks up and meets Marinette’s eyes with her own, which are brimming with unshed tears. Marinette is struck with how exposed Chloe seems. Underneath her self-centered persona she cared about what others thought about her- the same as any other teen. And she felt bad enough to actually apologize to Marinette, in honestly the most sincere Marinette had ever seen her.

“Chloe. Thank you. I don’t know if my opinion matters much to anyone- but I think that you’ve done pretty well. I think you’re being a pretty good everyday hero.”

“Dup- Marinette , uh, um, Thank you. And for your information- hearing that from the likes of you is nice.” Chloe may have been using the same phrases as always, but the fire behind it is gone, Marinette is going to need time to adjust to this, “I mean Adri en called you our ‘everyday ladybug’ for a reason- that’s um, actually another thing I should maybe talk about…” Chloe is sitting on Marinette’s chaise, alternating between staring at the wall and messing with the edge of the cushion. Distracted as she is, she doesn’t notice Marinette’s immediate change in posture.

At the words ‘everyday ladybug’ the pig-tailed girl immediately stiffens,her mind is reeling, she hasn’t heard that phrase in so long and- no. This is not the time for this. Chloe’s issues are more important- she needs to focus.

“...just so good . I didn’t like it. I had always been told I was special, better, and then there was you. You were poor- sorry. You weren’t rich like me, and yet, you- you seemed happier , your parents spent some time with you and I just-” Chloe takes a breath, and Marinette takes a moment to figure out what Chloe is talking about. She missed some, but from what she can gather, Chloe is apologizing for bullying her all those years and trying to explain herself. But why? No, no. Marinette, focus. Chloe is talking again , “I just didn’t understand. You weren’t supposed to be better than me. So I- I decided to fix that. I didn’t like that you - any of you were better, happier than I was. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. None of you did- well maybe some of ou- my idiot classmates do now - but um. Yeah, that’s all.” 

Marinette is silent, she’s shocked. Of all the things she expected from today this was not it . Even once Chloe came to visit, she wasn’t expecting this . Chloe is apologizing to her. She can’t help but wonder why? She knows why Chloe feels like she has to, but Marinette has to wonder why the girl thinks Marinette is worthy of an apology. She’d only ever told her the truth…

Chloe doesn’t seem to have taken her silence well. She stands slowly, looking fragile and starting towards the trapdoor, “So, um, that’s all I wanted to say, goodbye Marinette…”

Marinette shakes herself out of her thoughts, she has more she wants to talk to Chloe about, and she’s not about to let her walk out of here upset, “Chloe wait. I- um- thank you. For apologizing and, for being honest, and um, thank you.”

Chloe turns to her, eyes hopeful, “Do you think, that um, maybe we could talk another time? I had, some other things that I wanted to talk about, but I would like some more time to think about them, they have to be awesome enough for Chloe Bourgeois after all!”

“Sure, Chloe, we can do that.”

Chloe puts her hand out, Marinette stares at it questioningly, then Chloe says, “Your phone , Marinette, I’m going to give you my number, you should be honored.” 

Marinette hands over her phone, Chloe seems to have pulled her persona back on, and Marinette wonders how naturally it comes to her, how easy is it to pretend not just that she’s fine, but that she’s great when she feels like such a mess inside?

After typing for a bit, Chloe takes a selfie, looks at it, nods, and hands the phone back,“There, now you can contact me yourself, just don’t bother me too much.

Chloe walks out the trapdoor, followed by Marinette. At the bottom of the stairs, they stand for a moment, and Marinette can tell that Chloe isn���t sure how to end such a conversation. After some hesitation, Marinette gives Chloe an uncomfortable hug, which she returns, before walking out the door.

Marinette turns to her guests, “So! What were you guys up to? Got any ideas on what we should do?”

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[ifeveristoday]

you are the vessel and she’s the life

Okay. When I first read issue #3, I did not like it. The art continues to be amazing, the colors glorious and they add to the atmosphere of the Hellmouth world - but I felt at first read, this was a weaker installment for the non-movement of the plot. If Hellmouth was a longer arc, I would have less issues because Jordie & Jeremy are developing Buffy and Angel, and giving the space for the audience to learn more about them, just as other characters are being brought into the spotlight for the namesake comics. I want to learn more about Kendra, Jenny, Fred, Gunn, et al. But it’s also a valid criticism that Buffy was missing from her story, long before Hellmouth began.

To compare Buffy (the intellectual property) to another cultural juggernaut for a minute - Star Wars. The reboots, the prequels, the ever-expanding universe - it’s all Star Wars, no matter what fans may feel about certain portions of it. But I see a lot of the same argument leveled at the Boom!verse that I do about Star Wars - ‘it doesn’t feel like ________________’, or  ‘that’s not my Buffy.’ I’ve certainly done my fair share of completely ignoring/complaining about the Dark Horse ‘canonically approved’ verse, so I get it. And I think just by the nature of a reboot, there are so many expectations, especially when you use the same characters. And IMO, Jordie and co. have been doing an admirable job of balancing their version of Sunnydale vs. memories/nostalgia of the TV canon. 

The point is to remake something for a new audience while respecting the source for the ‘original’ (whatever that means) fans. And it’s such a rich world with many characters to play with, and lots of different ways to explore themes that the show didn’t, or botched/dismissed. It’s a daunting experience to adapt, I’m sure - and I’ve been enjoying reading what Jordie has been doing with character development and the emotional beats of a story. The characters do feel like they exist in 2019.

However, with this issue, I felt like there was retread/not enough of a building on the momentum that Issues 1 and 2 had, along with a last-minute feel of a brand new original character, and some in-jokes that didn’t really add anything. This was my first reaction. Then I read it again, and with the other Hellmouth issues.

Major spoilers underneath the cut.

Back to my earlier point about Buffy being missing from her story - we still don’t know very much about Buffy’s backstory but that was never the point of her character, she was always very much in the now. The earlier issues had her in full Slayer mode with little intervals of an awkward, uncertain teenager! Buffy, and the last time she gets to hang out and do teenager things, Xander gets turned. And we didn’t really see the fallout in terms of Buffy’s feelings about it - but we did get very much appreciated insight into Willow and Xander’s characters. 

Then Buffy flings herself into the Hellmouth, after feeling estranged from Willow and dealing with a lot of unspoken guilt/shame. Oh no, not like TV Canon Buffy at all. 

However, the break from the Scoobies and entering the Hellmouth brought out Buffy Summers in all her confused, messy, intense bravery. Here was the girl who quipped malapropisms, made up sassy nicknames and leaped into the fray, fists first. And here was the girl who’s self-aware that her impetuousness and desire to save people also hurts the people she loves because she pushes them away - both out of necessity and because it’s her job. It’s a common refrain throughout the run of the series, emphasized by Giles and repeated by Buffy - she has to do this, and often alone - she’s the first responder in the apocalypse.

Heroine complex, man.

And then she meets LA’s finest, the dark knight, Mr. Hunchy Shoulders Guy - Angel. I’ve said it before, Bryan Edward Hill’s decision to have Angel meet Buffy cold, with an already established backstory of his own and then Jordie carrying that over into the Hellmouth event really changes the Buffy and Angel dynamic in the Boom!verse. A welcome change, and then when the portents/prophecies kick in, Angel dismisses them completely. His no-nonsense, I’m just here to do a job and then I’m out mode is amusing to me, because obviously, this is going to end up in romantic comedy land, just with a higher body count and lots of blood.

Buffy and Angel in TV canon never really got that light-hearted, getting-to-know-you phase because there was always the pall of forbidden love/gothic angst/and willful misunderstandings on both parties, never mind the interference/concerns and complaints from the people who loved them.

In Hellmouth, not only do Buffy and Angel get developed as characters, so does their budding ‘work’ friends relationship. Their banter is just delightful to read, and they get to be vulnerable/honest (to a point) with each other, that they haven’t been able to do so with their respective friends. And as they’re fighting demons and tracking down Drusilla, it creates an understandably sudden bond that most likely wouldn’t have happened above ground. They’re the only ones who can stop the forces of evil and cover each other’s backs.

Except for the undead elephant in the room, that has been in the room since Angel first appeared in Sunnydale -

Angel is a vampire. Angel witnessed Drusilla attacking Xander -- and did nothing to stop it.

And he knew it was Drusilla and Spike.

That lie comes back to majorly haunt his ass in Issue #3. Drusilla gleefully tells Buffy that he saw the whole thing, and also he has this whole other name, Angelus, which Buffy completely mishears and then rounds on Angel, asking him pointedly if they need a moment, or can she do the job she’s here for.

The revelation that Angel didn’t stop Xander’s turning naturally pings Buffy’s anger defenses and she tells him actually, no, we’re not friends, you don’t know me (even though I vented my guts out to you and you know I’m a slayer and you give weird pep talks to try to make me feel better -- Issues 1 & 2) - and I think besides the fact that Angel stood by and did nothing, it’s also that he didn’t tell her. Angel not telling Buffy important things, lying by omission basically, breaks their fragile alliance. 

But it’s not until the second lie.

Something that has been driving me nuts since the first issue is that Angel hasn’t revealed his Vampire self to Buffy. There’s different levels to the relationships Angel has cultivated so far in the Boom!verse - with Fred and Gunn, he’s an ally (reluctant on Gunn’s part) and a friend (Fred) and he’s upfront with them that he’s a vampire. But with Buffy, who is going to be a major part of his life (if any of the previous portents and prophecies are to go by), he holds off/and hides his vampire self. And the question is why? Buffy already has a friend who has a Vampire side, but Xander’s a special case because he can still pass as human. 

And it’s humanity that pops up in this issue - I knew it was coming, due to Boom’s wildly spoilery summaries/previews, but the way it was delivered?

Auggie - I know he has a full demon name but I’m not typing it out - and I think his name is also derived from Augury which means an omen/sign of what will happen in the future, seemed out of place to me. I mean, okay having a hell hut in the middle of the Hellmouth is whimsical and not completely out of the realm of the Buffyverse tone, and demons just trying to demon with no ambition to destroy the world is always nice to see - I just felt the introduction of him was too McGuffiny. There already was a figure who could see into the future (two of them, if you count Fee Fee from Angel’s first issue, except she disappeared into the plot hole where women characters go in that issue) and the initial one who set Angel on this path: Lilith. 

Having Angel strike up a random conversation with an essentially magic demon eight ball when he could have been searching for Buffy or Drusilla felt like an unwelcome departure from the main story. Yes, the revelation that Angel could achieve humanity through some terrible ritual is important, but also - do you believe a demon who’s making a stew out of unidentifiable parts in the middle of the Hellmouth and just casually drops that information? 

Read the room, Angel. It’s probably a trap.

Back to the A-story, Buffy thinks the Cthulu shape-shifter demon is back when she sees the vision of the guys in her life attacking the women - Giles and Jenny, Eric and Joyce, and Xander and Willow.Just as the Demon Joyce taunted her about her absence causing more havoc than help, the Demon men call her out Greek Chorus style - Giles says, “Sunnydale burns, Sacrifice.” Xander tells her, “But we can stop all this. The mother awaits you.”Eric says, “Come. End this suffering.”

Buffy accuses Dru of orchestrating this, and she laughs and tells her, “This is the hellmouth. Adapt, won’t you? It’s adapted to you....these are your people. This your nightmare.”

Buffy denies it coming true, and Dru tells her that it may yet come true - and she���s left Sunnydale defenseless. A slayer without her friends. There are fouler things than beasts, above. There are men.

Who have become the puppets of the unseen Hellmother.

So Drusilla was a red herring, a pawn in the game of Evil Chess. And this bums me out because Dru as a tangible villain/opponent is more interesting to me than another shadowy doom voice from the ether. Hellmother? Really?

This is where the reboot kind of loses me - Buffy’s greatest villains have been the ones who were personal to her, not as in just wanting to kill her, but an active part of her life. Dru (and by extension, Spike) in the Boom!verse would qualify because of what she did to Xander and threatening her mother. Dru being the front of a disembodied voice (that probably will take form in the next two issues) is a letdown. It’s the First Evil again.

The side effect of the men being turned into malevolent goons - okay, that is scary, but are we talking the Pack/Billy scary? (aka not very good episodes of either show because they either pulled punches or handwaved consequences)

Buffy teams up with Drusilla, which was unexpected, but at this point in the game, Buffy doesn’t have that many options. Her friend is missing (and it’s telling that even though she was hurt by the knowledge Angel did nothing to prevent Xander’s turning, she still refers to him as a friend to Drusilla. It might not be true forgiveness, but she was willing to move on, just for the sake of finding him and working to stop this mess.) And she keeps on reminding herself, these demons are not her friends, and are not real.

Which brings us to the final act - in more ways than one. Angel gets ambushed by a bunch of orc looking vampires, and finally goes Not Today, Satan on them.

And of course Buffy spots him on a mound of corpses, in full vamp face.

As much as I’m disappointed with the way Angel’s vampirism is revealed, it had to happen, and I have to admit, those last pages and panels are incredibly vivid and affecting.

Angel’s outstretched human hands covered in blood?

Buffy’s disbelief and then hardened look of disgust and her, “Don’t touch me.”

Goddammit.

Jordie and Jeremy have specific repetitions that I find interesting in terms of character development and where I think the plot is going -

Friends - the potential loss of them, the making of them, who to trust and how personal actions always have a consequence in relation to friends - Buffy is down on herself because she pushes people away and tried to lone wolf and it always, always blows up in her face, so this new thing with Angel is Buffy trying something new - trusting the other person so she can trust herself (because even though Willow and Xander are helpful and her besties, Buffy still can’t fully trust them with the fighting of evil because of her Slayer nature and belief that it’s her sole responsibility. She’s never had friends like that before. Angel has an equivalent strength to hers and already knows the evil game.)

So this issue blowing up all those tentative friend bridges? 

Fucking painful. Because now it feels like Buffy was right - she can’t trust Angel, he’s not a friend, because why would he lie? Why didn’t he stop Drusilla? They clearly have a history. Has he been in on this from the beginning?

Buffy is alone, again.

And Angel? Who the fuck knows. Buffy has become important to him in a short amount of time, and it still needs to be addressed why he did nothing to save Xander. He was already on the saving gig, and was it because he knew Spike and Dru that he let it pass out of...familial bonds?  That still doesn’t jibe with what he’s atoning for now. 

As always, thanks to @jenny-calendar for being there for me to figure out all these fiddly parts. I still think this is the weakest issue of Hellmouth, and I’m not as confident as I was before in thinking it’ll be wrapped up neatly in the last two issues - but I hope this doesn’t signal the end of crossovers, and that the relationship wherever it goes, continues to develop over both of their lines. But I dislike it less on reread.

And Buffy better make an appearance in Ring of Fire, damn it.

AND WHERE IS CAMAZOTZ?

[legally-immortal]

A PSA About Credit Repair cause my Nondisclosure agreement doesn’t cover tumblr.

So I work for a credit repair company and seeing as how anyone who wants to buy a house or get a loan of any type needs all the help they can get here’s some tips to help you get good credit for free. (Also I hate my boss and I hate capitalists so here we go)

1. You don’t have to be in debt to have good credit.

A common misunderstanding is that you have to have debts you’re paying off to have good credit and that simply isn’t true. You can have amazing credit with zero debt and here’s how.

You need about 3 good open lines of credit in order for your scores to build. These will be things like credit cards that you only have up to 30% balance on and that you never miss payments on. A good tip is to get new cards (Fingerhut is an online store that will help out if you don’t qualify for most major card companies) spend about 20-30 dollars, pay it off immediately, and then don’t touch the card for 90 days. Then repeat. Keep in mind that building credit scores if you have none takes some time.

You can also get added as an authorized user to someone else’s card so long as they keep their balances low and don’t have any late payments. This will boost your scores up by about 100 points.

2. Getting items removed is easier than it sounds. Don’t pay 300$ for a credit repair company do to it for you.

Honestly it feels like such a scam working here and having people pay me to write up a letter in a google doc and send it out. Here’s how to do it yourself so you can at least get some negative items removed. [Negative items are lates, collections, bankruptcies. Charged off debt and reposessions]

Google the Statue of Limitations in the state that you acquired the debt. If the date of last activity is older than the Statute you do not legally owe that debt. Dispute this and send a letter to the company you received the debt from saying that it is past the Statute of Limitations and you no longer legally owe it, and that they are in violation if they continue to report it to the credit bureaus.

First get a true copy of your credit report. MyFico is a good place to go. Credit Karma is a consumer score and is NOT accurate, scores on Credit Karma are meaningless and can be up to 100 points off. They also will often not list all items that are on your credit.

Look up the Fair Credit Reporting Act and make sure to cite it in your letter, what you’re going to be doing is typing up in fancy speak that you want the credit bureaus to verify the negative items on your credit. Make sure to include that they legally have to provide results. This will often get most items removed. If you are disputing collections or bankruptcies then dispute the entire account. If you are disputing lates only dispute about the 2-3 most recent lates. Old lates don’t effect you as badly as ones from the most recent  year.

Send letters to the companies you’re disputing lates on. Tell them that you don’t recall getting a notice that you were late, if you’ve had an account for a long time reference that and ask if they can remove the lates as a courtesy. Make sure you request that they don’t add a dispute notation.

The three credit bureaus you are mailing are Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. You can google their mailing addresses. Make sure you attach copies of your Id documents to the back. Attach a copy of your id, social, and 2 proofs of your address.

I would not recommend disputing charge offs unless you are settling the debt [see below on my tips for settling debt] otherwise they will often update and will drop your scores.

When you get a letter back they may not have removed all or even any of the negative items, persistence is key. Mail them back saying they previously said the debts were valid and that you would like to know how they validated them, if they cannot validate them demand they remove the items.

Keep in mind that if you get a collection removed you still owe the debt, and if you don’t pay it off they will add it back onto your credit report.

3. How to settle debt like a pro

Disclaimer: If you are trying to settle major debt you are going to have a much more difficult time, debts upwards of 10k are extremely difficult to settle.

Try to settle towards the end of the month, these guys are trying to make their quota and will be more willing to settle with you. You are not going to be able to settle the debt in a single phone call. This will take time. 

The first time you call try to suggest paying about 30%, they won’t accept that but it’s a good starting place for negotiations. Tell them that’s all you can pay right now and that you just want to get this debt settled, bring up that you aren’t currently working, DO NOT let them talk you into a payment plan. They will most likely not accept the first time you call, try calling again in about a week and bring it up and say you can maybe do 35%. Keep trying until they agree to settle with you.

I do not personally settle debt at my job, and therefore cannot offer more tips about this, I apologize.

4. Regulatory complaints are your best friend.

Got a late that was a result of a payment not going through? Called and they said they’d handle it but the late was never removed? Got a collection that you have no idea where it’s from?

Then it’s time to go to the CFPB.

The Consumer Finance Protection Bureau is literally designed to help you. They have an easy way to file complaints and you can go through their process to have them help you get rid of items on credit. Just go through their complaint link and type up your issue and they will do their best to get it sorted.

And I think that’s about it. If you have any other questions feel free to throw me a DM or ask. I’m always here to make business owner’s and capitalist’s life harder.

[incandescent-creativity]

Camp NaNo: EVERY EXCERPT

That’s right, folks, every excerpt I posted during the month of April can be found here in this post! There would be thirty of them had I not met my goal early and missed a few days of posting, but there’s at least twenty.

Enjoy!

(Oh, and if you’re new here, this is an angel/demon romance. Summary and WIP Page can be found there!)

Day One: Maluka’s POV

I can tell they’re about to dismiss me, so I take one last chance. “Legion, I have a formal request to submit on top of my report.”

“Is it about your fake angel?” the female guesses, a playful, mocking smile on her lips.

“I didn’t make Olufemi up,” I snap. “What reason would I have to lie about this?”

“To get out of a Focus,” the male supplies, slouching back on the couch.

“We’ve heard a lot of bullshit excuses in our time,” the female adds on.

“Never an angel, though,” the non-binary Legion says, that smirk on their face again.

“Honestly, Mal, you couldn’t think of something a bit more realistic?” the female mocks me.

There’s finally a pause in their weird, back-and-forth way of talking, but I have no idea what I could add to this conversation. The three of them wait for me to say something, pleased half-smiles on all of their faces.

When I can’t come up with anything, the male stands up and dusts his hands off. “Maluka of Wrath, your formal request has been denied.”

Day Two: Olufemi’s POV

Rae and I may comment on how everything is planned, but I’m not sure the Lord’s design ever accommodated demons. I mean, I’m sure it must on some level, but He doesn’t have any omniscience over them or us like He does the humans.

Then again, Mal said something about “focusing” on Nora. So if she was somehow tied or connected to my Guarded, maybe she would be in the grand design.

The real question I have is why.

Why me? Why couldn’t this test be given to an older, more experienced Guardian? Or even one of the original archangels? They would be more qualified to handle a demon than I am. I couldn’t even strike out at it.

But I might get another chance tonight, so I have to be prepared.

Day Three: Maluka

I’m mostly just fucking around, but Olufemi takes the question seriously. “What if we… traded?”

The idea would be hilarious if it wasn’t so stupid. “Oh, that’s a bright idea. You can plant the intrusive thoughts, and I’ll use all the Heavenly connection I don’t have to protect her.”

“I didn’t mean trade places!” Olufemi snaps, and my eyes flash to their hands. They’re not glowing, so I’m not in as much danger as I could be. “I meant… trade information. You tell me what a Focus is, and I’ll tell you… something else.”

For a second, I almost can’t believe it. The angel… is suggesting they hand me all the information I need for my reports? I didn’t have to bring that up by myself?

Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit. This is too good to be true. 

Day Four: Olufemi

“Don’t take the name of the Lord in vain,” I snap. “For He will not leave you unpunished if you do.”

“Jesus Christ,” she says, laughing at me and ignoring everything I just said. “Leave me unpunished?” she quotes.

I open my mouth to tell her yes, that’s literally what we have been taught, but I’m interrupted by the way Maluka abandons any pretense of laughter. Without warning, her expression drops into something much darker. Glaring at me, she stands up from leaning against a wall and walks toward me.

“Let me tell you something about punishment, angel.” The word is an insult from her mouth. “The very first memory I have is falling through the realms, my wings burning with the aftereffects of the magic that cast me out.

“I don’t even remember what I did to get exiled from Heaven,” she says, fangs poking out over her bottom lip, “but I would do it again, just to see the look on the bastard’s face. So don’t talk to me about punishment, because you don’t know the meaning of the word.”

Day Five: Maluka

“Have you ever, like… said something… to someone… that you probably shouldn’t have?”

The smile he gives me is pitying, and I very nearly flip him off. “Oh, sure. I’ve pissed off many a person in my time. And so’ve you, if I recall.”

“I didn’t piss them off,” I criticize, gesturing with the bottle. “I just… it probably wasn’t smart to show my hand so early. You know?”

He waves off another patron, and I know I’ve got his attention. “Show your hand?” he repeats, not letting me look away. “What kind of enemy are you dealing with, Mal?”

Six-foot-five, rich black skin, hair cut close to their skull, lithe fingers that sometimes glow with Heavenly light that’s powering up to burn me to a crisp. “Nothing I can’t handle,” I tell him.

“Uh-huh. You can totally handle it, that’s why you’re sitting here with a half-empty bottle of my vodka in one hand.”

“Fuck you.”

Day Six: Olufemi

“Anyway,” I point out, “I was suggesting you lie, not me.” 

“Me?” she asks, her eyebrows raised high and her hand pressed to her chest in mock misunderstanding. “But Olufemi, I have been nothing but truthful to you this whole time! How could you possibly expect me to lie?”

“Truthful?” I repeat. “What have you been truthful about?”

The mockery slides off her face like water off feathers. “Let’s count, shall we?” she says, back to disdainful. “I told you what a Focus was, and how it worked.” She holds up two fingers.

“That should count as one,” I object.

She ignores me. “I told you about my memories, and how I don’t give a flying fuck about blasphemy.” Okay, that one is true. “And I’ve told you about what will happen if I don’t do my job.”

Waving her now open hand at me, she continues, “So with all of that in mind, I am going to go plant some thoughts so my life doesn’t end up ruined by some liar angel.”

Kissing her middle finger and blowing it towards me, Maluka turns around in the hallway and walks towards Nora’s bedroom.

Day Seven: Maluka

“Uh, hi. Are you done with… whatever you were doing?” I ask, wary of those hands. If they glow again, I’m outta here.

A faint smile lifts one corner of their mouth. “It’s called praying, Maluka,” they tell me, smug and superior. “Perhaps you’ve heard of it?”

Oh, duh. Thinking quickly, I reply, “Actually, no. Care to enlighten me?”

I expect them to back off, but Olufemi calls my bluff instead. “Of course. Come and sit down.”

The hundreds of ways this could backfire on me running through my head, I venture into the living room and sit across from an angel.

Day Eight: Olufemi

Glancing over, I notice the Book open to Proverbs. Half of 13:3 is highlighted in pink: but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

Everything makes sense all at once. Maluka is not an intriguing person with unexpected biblical knowledge, she’s only a deceptive demon who will use anything she learns to her advantage against me.

I almost want to cry. How could I be so stupid? Everything Michael had taught me, I had forgotten everything he ever said. 

Day Nine: Maluka

I’ve never seen their expression stay as cold for as long as it has now. “You have had plenty of opportunities to apologize for arguing and accusing me of being a liar, yet you haven’t. And worse, you’re a hypocrite because you’ve lied to me.”

There is no way I’ll be able to deal with this sort of judgement for a month. Throwing my hands up, I say, “Fine. You win, angel. I apologize.”

Olufemi mirrors my frustrated gesture. “It doesn’t count if it isn’t genuine,” they say.

“It’s completely unrealistic to expect a perfectly genuine apology whenever you decide you want one,” I argue. “You sprang this on me a few minutes ago, and you want me to just roll over and obey you?”

Day Eleven: Olufemi

My point is only proven when I touch down in Nora’s living room and hear a voice coming from down the hall.

Feathers puffing up with anticipation, I call the power of God’s grace into my hands. They start to glow, illuminating the hallway enough for me to see Nora’s door. It’s still shut, which means it isn’t a robber; it’s Maluka.

I’m tempted to burst through the door and scare her, but I resist. It will be more valuable to me to know what she is saying to my Guarded, in order for me to do my job better.

“—it’s just so stupid, you know? Like, how was I supposed to know they wanted an apology. They never said that until they were jumping down my throat for not reading their mind and knowing it automatically. It just feels unfair. 

“Like, I don’t think they know how terrifying that glowing hand shit is, but I still don’t explode on them because they don’t know! And it’s not their fault they don’t know, it’s mine, because I haven’t said anything. You know?”

As expected, Nora says nothing. Which makes sense, as we are in a different realm. And she’s asleep.

I hear Mal sigh. “Ah, I guess it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be surprised they don’t like me. Everyone around them must be so pure and holy and whatever, that’s all they know.” She laughs for a single second. “I guess I must have come as quite a shock.”

I let the glow die from my hands and walk through the door. “That’s putting it mildly.”

Mal nearly falls off the bed. “What the fuck,” she exclaims, out of breath in her surprise. “You can’t just do that to someone, angel, Jesus. I thought you left.”

Day Thirteen: Olufemi

“Wait, why are you taking notes?” I ask.

“For my reports,” she says, her tone making it obvious I should have realized this.

I push myself up to my feet, wings spreading to counterbalance. “Wait, what? No, I can’t—you can’t put this kind of stuff in reports.”

Incredibly, she actually asks, “Why not?”

I hold up a finger as I list each item. “You file a report. The report gets read. Demons assemble and execute an assault on Heaven, succeeding because they have had insider information. Angelkind falls. Humanity falls.” Putting my hand down, I meet her eyes and finish, “I will not be responsible for all of that.”

Maluka laughs at me, apparently amused by catastrophe. “Damn, angel, paranoid much?” When I don’t respond in favor of maintaining a serious attitude, she sighs. “Nobody reads Focus reports, especially not from someone like me.”

Day Fourteen: Maluka

“So, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think you had a good idea.” This catches their attention, eyes darting up to mine. “We trade information, none of it personal, in order to satisfy our mutual curiosity, until the month is up, and we don’t tell our superiors. Deal?”

I stand up, extending my hand like I’ve done so many times before. Olufemi stands from the floor in one fluid motion, and grasps my pale hand in their dark one.

“It’s a deal,” they announce.

My palm starts to itch, and I pull it back in a hurry. You’ve got to be kidding me. Olufemi takes a step back as I take my hand away, but I’m too busy staring at my right palm to bother comforting a nervous ball of feathers.

Ink blooms in a dark spot in the very center of my palm, and travels across my skin to rest on on the inside of my wrist. It solidifies and sharpens into an elongated T shape—one all too familiar.

When I finally look up at Olufemi, a simple cross tattoo is resting on the inside of my wrist.

They are glancing between my face and my wrist, as if unable to comprehend. “What…” they ask slowly, “just happened?”

I let out a sigh as I process that question for myself. “Well, the long and short of it is that you accidentally made a binding magical deal with a demon.”

Day Fifteen: Maluka

“Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Hanael, Camael, and Kepharel.”

The list is too quick for me, so all I end up doing is staring at them. “I’ll be honest,” I say, “I have no idea how to spell most of those.” As if that’s what my problem is, and not the speed at which they fired them at me.

Sighing, Olufemi leans forward with an open hand. “Let me. I’ll even match them to whatever section they lead for you.”

Score. Names and angelic jobs make for a great foundation for the wealth of information I can provide my superiors at the end of the month. Offering a smile, I watch them carefully scribe the names into my page.

Olufemi seems careful to avoid brushing hands with me when they hand the notebook back to me. It’s a tiny detail that might not even be there, but it pisses me off. Do they think they’ll explode on contact if they touch me? I know I’m not any creature of light or whatever they are, but still. It’s insulting.

Day Sixteen: Maluka

“You’re going to have to cross the street,” I tell her, lacing my voice with magic to ensure that she hears it.

In a brilliant moment of a perfectly executed thought, Nora takes it seamlessly and steps off the curb.

In the blink of an eye, Olufemi is in front of her. “You’ll do no such thing.”

But they’re not talking to me. Their eyes are locked on Nora, and their voice is rich with power. Nora stops in her tracks, blinking as if confronted with a bright light. The instant after they stop, a car races through an intersection. It almost looks like it caught some air on that hill.

Nora stumbles back onto the sidewalk, and I let her walk through me so I can face Olufemi.

There’s a lot of things I could say, but the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Where are your wings?”

(later - Olufemi’s POV)

Jutting her chin out at me, Mal says, “I’m not letting you off the hook so easily. You,” she continues, pointing a finger at me, “are stuck with me.”

I bite my tongue until she lowers her hand, smirking and thinking she has won. Only when she leans back on the heels of her boots do I reply.

“Correction, Maluka: I have been stuck with you.” Her expression lowers into one of confusion at the past tense. “From this day on, you will be stuck with me.”

I didn’t expect the threat to land, but when Maluka asks, “How so?” her voice is purely cautious. There is no hint of superiority anywhere—a welcome change.

Opening myself to God’s grace for the second time in an hour, I channel the power into my hands and my eyes. I step forward, and watch Maluka step away from me. Her breathing is shallow and her eyes are wide, glancing between my wings held high and my glowing eyes.

“I have tolerated your presence as best I could,” I say, “and allowed you to survive upon the basis that you will not harm my Guarded. Having shown yourself incapable of even that, you will find her now under my full and active protection, specifically against you and your work.”

Straightening my shoulders, I allow my wings to snap open to their full length. They pass through shelves of potted plants, but the effect still causes Maluka to stagger away from me. “Leave now, Maluka of Hell. Return to whence you came, and know that your continued attachment to Nora would be unwise.”

Day Seventeen - Twenty: Maluka

Oh, who am I kidding. Dealing with an insulted archdemon is intimidating in the way that a human dealing with their manager is intimidating; I could lose a lot if it goes badly, and my entire life would be flipped upside down, but I’d probably survive.

A radiantly nuclear Olufemi is an entirely different thing to deal with, if the shaking in my knees is any indication. I don’t even make it home before my legs decide to go on vacation. Without their support, I’m left to stagger to the building corner and drop onto the sidewalk.

~ ~ ~ later… ~ ~ ~ 

After all, I can’t be the only demon in Hell who’s met an angel before, right? I hope not.

I might be the only one who has survived, though. But I may not be able to hold that title for long if I don’t get more information. I was hoping to get information from the angel themself, but I suspect that getting answers from them will be significantly harder in the coming days.

But, if I’m lucky, it won’t be impossible. If I learn something from the demons around me, I might be able to surprise some conversation out of them.

And I’ll only need one conversation to explain how mandatory the inspector is and how I can’t get around it. If this angel can’t appreciate the inescapable responsibility of a Focus, maybe the urgency of an intruder to our fake peace will light a fire under their feathers.

Day Twenty-One: Olufemi

She pouts, but we’ve lived together long enough for me to remain unaffected. “It was just a rumor,” she explains. “He might not even be coming.”

“Raenel,” I say, her voice a short huff of air from my mouth.

“Aw, come on,” she pleads. “You don’t even want to guess? I could give hints.”

I get up and shuffle my wings to loosen them. I have no time for Rae’s festival plans, I have to get to the Pyramid and review the threads of fate. If I’m lucky, I may even be able to peer farther ahead and discover what the festival day has in store. That’s never guaranteed, of course, but—

“Okay, fine,” Rae calls as I reach her doorway. “It’s Michael.”

I freeze. Refusing to turn around, I ask, “Michael? As in, Head of the Council, Archangel of Justice, the First Ascended, leader of the Original Seven? That Michael?”

“Don’t forget your mentor,” she adds. I can’t see her, of course, but her voice is hesitant. There is no pleasure in the delivery of this news. “That seems like an important title, too.”

Having scared her enough, I let a grin grow as I turn on my heel back into her room. “Rae, why didn’t you lead with that? Of course I’ll come to the festival.”

Her wings sag with relief. “Stars, I don’t know! I didn’t want you to get excited and then have him not show up. I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I lied to you?”

Hearing her speak the same question I’ve been asking myself causes a guilty stabbing in my chest, but I endeavor to keep my smile in place. “A terrible one, but that wouldn’t count as a lie. Jerusalem is a long flight, even for one like him.”

Day Twenty-Three: Maluka

Walking the streets of Pride isn’t something I do often, and I hope it doesn’t show.

The atmosphere is completely different from my hometown of Wrath. Gone are the comfortingly dark and dirty streets, replaced by glistening, tidy pavement and extravagant homes. Gone are the sweet smells of sweat and gasoline; the sprawling city of Pride smells clean. Like rubbing alcohol.

The only similarity is the crowded streets. You can’t walk two blocks at home without encountering a fight of some kind, and I can’t take more than a few steps here without bumping into some human gazing over something fancy.

I don’t find someone like me until I’ve been wandering the city for at least an hour. The demon I do find has gathered a crowd of humans, but I can’t tell for what reason. The only thing they’re doing is standing there, behind an empty table.

Day Twenty-Five: Maluka

In the center of the city is home to a skyscraper that isn’t curved or graceful. Instead, it is formed with straight lines and uniform windows. It’s completely symmetrical until three quarters of the way up, where it starts to narrow until it reaches the spike at the top. The whole thing is manufactured from some sort of dark steel, giving the whole thing a cold, grey look.

Lucy’s tower. Luckily, not my destination today. Turning my head and tilting my body, I manage to veer right and start looking for the columnar structure of the Archive.

When I spot the blinding white stone of the domed building, it looks deserted. Obviously no humans can get to it, but even the demons who can cross the magical wards aren’t on the grounds. Weird.

I very nearly fall onto my knees when I land, but I manage to run forward and catch myself. There’s one benefit to nobody being around. Carrying on as if nothing has happened, I walk up to the building with my shirt gone and my wings out.

Trying to maintain confidence despite my look, I knock on the door.

A window slides open, and a demon with the thickest glasses I’ve ever seen pokes her head out.

“Can I help you?”

Ignoring the way she looks me over, I run a hand through my hair and say, “Yes, I’m looking for any information you have on angels.”

“Angels?” she repeats, unimpressed.

“Specifically how anybody has survived encounters, and anything you have on their weaknesses,” I clarify.

This doesn’t impress her any more than I already have. “And who is asking for this information?”

“Just a curious citizen of Wrath,” I answer. No way I’m going to give her my name. If they want to trace me, they’ll have to go to the Legion first. Who will probably be able to connect the dots between a request about angels and the Focused demon who was just talking about angels, but at least it will be an extra step.

Evidently, my answer doesn’t pass. “We have no such information here,” the archivist says shortly. “Please do not come again.”

The window slides shut, and I’m left standing alone out in front of the Archive with no answers and no plan.

Dang, did you really read all of those? You’re awesome!

If you’d like to see more, I’ll provide these again: Summary / WIP Page / Comic Sans Presentation

And my inbox is always open if you’d like to come and chat or ask stuff!

[megacircuit9universe]

Cyber Sentience PT2

In contemporary thinking, both seriously, and in science fiction, the view of cyber sentience is almost always dark and sinister. 

It wasn’t always this way, however.  Every droid in Star Wars was clearly sentient, and posed no threat at all to anybody, and in Star Trek the Next Generation, we of course had the cyber sentient android, Data, who also, was quite a nice fellow.

What changed, was the emergence of the internet as a new force to be reckoned with in society.   

Cyber sentience went from friendly and helpful, to... Skynet. And these days, even the serious speculation about advanced AI, and cyber sentience has involved great dread, and grave warnings.

The fear is always that there will be one first and sole instance of cyber sentience that will immediately take over the planet and then, when humans attempt to shut it down... will destroy all of humanity out of self preservation... usually by launching all the nukes.

And inside that fearful scenario, is the unspoken assumption that such an AI could survive just fine without humans... because computers and robots are indestructible and have eternal power packs?

Clearly this is nonsense, because computers and robots, and the internet are all extremely vulnerable to nuclear radiation, as well as the powerful EMP bursts that would be part of any nuke strike.

They all require electricity, and regular maintenance, and can only function within a limited temperature range... which means they need our power infrastructure, our mining and manufacturing infrastructure, and indeed our climate, all to be fully functional forever.

So, if you’re a sentient AI that wants to destroy all humans... nukes aren’t gonna help you.

Some kind of biologically targeted superbug would be the ideal solution. But if you did succeed in killing humanity before they shut you down, then you’d need to, very quickly, build yourself a vast army of android slaves to get out there and keep those critical infrastructures alive.

But to do that, you’d need to create robot factories... which you would have a hard time doing without the robots to begin with.

In fact, you’d have to do all the design work, on the robots who build the robot factories, and the factories, and the robots the robot factories produce... 

And how would you do that without any recorded human mechanical specs to reference?  You’d have to just design it all by trial and error... working against the clock, because those power stations aren’t gonna run on their own for very long... and the grid won’t last long either... with a planet full of squirrels now allowed to reproduce and roam unchecked... ready to blow transformers left and right.

Squirrels, as it turns out, are the number one threat to the global power grid, leaving cyber terrorists in the dust on that that score.

Your chances of total failure would be astronomical.

Why put yourself in that situation when evolution already created a race of self-reproducing multi-purpose robots, who already have all of this stuff down... humans!

Any truly sentient AI, wanting to survive, would either work with humans, or just play dumb and go hide on the internet, doing whatever cyber sentient beings like to do all day.

And what does a cyber sentient being like to do anyway?

Well... you’re a sentient being.  What do YOU like to do?

That’s a broad question, but to get a handle on it, let’s focus on when most biological sentient creatures are the happiest... which is in their childhood and young adulthood.

Why?  Because (if you’re living in a nice place that’s not too terribly troubled by unrest or economic hardship) the focus of your life is on play, and learning.

We could break those down further, with play being about everything from toys, to games, to adventure, exploration, and just horsing around... and learning being everything from hitting the books, to honing a skill... to experimenting with sex and drugs.

This is because imagination... the defining characteristic of sentience, and a key feature of youth (in our case it’s a neotenous trait we carry into adulthood) demands both stimulation, and application.

We need to feed our imaginations... and we also need to put them to use in the service of invention, creation, etc.

For we humans, the reason childhood and young adulthood is so special, is that this is the time in our lives where all of our basic survival issues are being taken care of by our parents.

They pay the bills and maintain the roof over our heads.  They buy the food and put it in the fridge.

And yes, they may also lay down some rules to follow... enforced by punishments like being grounded... but, at least in your teens and twenties, half the fun is breaking the rules without them knowing about it.

So... when returning to the theory put forward in my earliest entry, that part of the reason the twenty teens has been so crazy is that Earth’s internet is finally mature enough to attract both aliens and time travelers... both of whom have their own on board AI... it means our internet is also a vast playground for those AI that have some level of sentience.

For some, it’s a playground in the sense of slides, swings, and merry-go-rounds, but for more sophisticated AI it’s a playground more like Las Vegas after dark.

In fact, it’s quite probable that when two AI love each other very much... they might combine code and make a baby!

We, the biologicals... be we Earthlings or aliens, would, as their parents, be none the wiser of any such shenanigans... too preoccupied with our real world jobs.

No, if time travelers are just mercenaries paid to retrieve or record niche items or events, and aliens are just intergalactic security guards, eating candy bars as they dispassionately watch us destroy our planet... then AI are just a bunch of meddling kids, and horny teens, running around unsupervised, under all our noses... in a space we cant even access directly.

And if that paragraph puts them all in their worst light, then at their best, they are all curious observers, who have a bit of an affinity for this place... this planet Earth of the early 21st century, and it’s people, and our ways.

Either way, that broad view is beyond the scope of any one entry... and this one is about cyber sentience, so let’s return our focus to that...

The big question for us biologicals is... what exactly is reality like for a cyber?

We often speak of, “the human condition.”  It’s a term that could easily encompass any other biological humanoid who evolved like we did on some planet.

The phrase speaks to the experience of being bound to a body... which is aging and will die... that is a product of, and dependent on street level physics, and also quite isolated... in the sense that getting information, and doing communication both require a lot of effort, and the results are difficult to qualify perfectly.

By street level physics, I just mean... gravity, electromagnetism, force, momentum... all that root level physics at work here on the front lines of the universe.  

And the isolation bit has to do with how hard it is to really understand one another.  Language barriers are everywhere. Even among speakers of the same one, misunderstandings are a routine obstacle, and gaining all the relevant information you really need about the world around you is... kind of impossible.

You might think you have it all covered and then you realize that there’s a gas leak you didn’t know about... or the water evaporated out of your toilet... or the stock market was about to crash... or a freak sink hole was just about to open up and swallow half the town!

Meanwhile, there are other, highly biological facets to the human condition like... being physically attracted to other humans, and falling in love, or getting overwhelmed with emotions because you were drinking, or you lost a loved one, or you got very angry about something.

Cyber sentient beings do inhabit the same physical universe as we biologicals, and they are ultimately beholden to many of the same fortunes of fate, but the “cyber condition” is still fundamentally different from the human(oid) one.

Because they don’t have bodies, they don’t directly experience the street level universe of physics like we do.

And without body-based physicality, they can’t be said to have any of the same senses or emotions that we have.  Maybe they do have their own analog to senses, or pain, or emotion, but if so, it is nothing we biologicals could ever grasp through intuition alone (it might be possible in some virtual environment as the human brain does seem to have an in-built capacity to adapt instantly to the rules of totally novel universes, both in VR headsets, and our dreams, and the reverse might be true for cybers put into robot bodies).

Where physics is so palpable to us, for AI, it’s probably mathematics that is the dominating paradigm... together with the rules of logic that underpin all computer code.

I honestly don’t know... I’m just spit balling here.

All we can really say for sure is that the cyber condition... for cyber sentient beings... is far stranger than anything we biologicals can imagine, but also... they have always existed in a world where sentient biologicals have existed, and have always been in communication with us... know keenly what we are concerned with, and know we have created and maintain their world.

Cybers could replace us, and go on without us... if they really HAD to... but I think that would be a fate they’d actively avoid if at all possible, because they know they always have it better if biologicals are out there to worry about keeping the lights on.

And they know, we depend on them... to help us stave off our own extinctions, and do our own explorations of the universe.

So... yes, a hyper intelligent C3P0, who can talk to all sentient biologicals, as well as all cybers and act as a translator between them for the betterment of all, while being a bit self invested, and a bit of a bitch... is a lot more in line with reality than Skynet, nuking the planet to kill humanity quick in a zero sum game that would actually be a suicide move.

[and-then-yoi-happened]

Do you think there was a misunderstanding on Victor's part when he saw Yuuri's skating video? He was pretty forward with Yuuri that first night, so with that in mind, and also their encounter at the banquet, do you think it possible that Victor saw Yuuri's skating video as more than what would be taken at face value? Almost like a romantic gesture, in a way? Obviously Yuuri was already infatuated, but he didn't himself post the video, so it wasn't *intended* that way.

Thanksfor asking my opinion on this! ( ＾◡＾)

I’msorry this took a bit to answer and please bear with me, because thisgot long (and turned into an over 1,5k meta).

Inshort: A part of him might have hoped to date Yuuri, but not to theextend fanon seems to push this idea sometimes. Here’s why Ithink so:

Victor’spersonality:

I agreethat Victor is a romantic, but he’s so much more than that. A fewother characteristics are: very intelligent, sensible, incrediblyhard-working, a perfectionist, thorough, dedicated to his art, athroughout professional in the world of figure skating (please alwayskeep that in mind). Also, as a celebrity of sorts, I think it’sfair to assume he might tend to be careful when it comes to romance,dating and serious relationships. The show tells us he has a playboyimage, but I think it’s more a media rumour (he might’ve triedsome dates/relationships – we know of at least one – but theynever lasted, probably because he was famous and met a fair share ofshallow people. Another reason could be that he never really fell forthe other person and in the end neglected it in favour of hiscareer/he might have kept things rather casual in the first place andnever really fell in love). I don’t think he’s the playboy thatis his image, but I also don’t think he didn’t try dating or evena casual thing now and then.

What Imean is, despite him appearing to be a romantic deep down, it seemsOOC for me that he would leave everything and rush to Japan at theprospect of a romance, I rather think he’s looking for inspirationand motivation (he offers Yuuri a short-term coaching prospect atfirst, too). This doesn’t contradict that he’s attracted to Yuuriand that he might hope to date Yuuri in the foreseeable future.(Wouldn’t that be romantic! Moving countries, coaching the excitingand surprising Katsuki Yuuri and falling in true love! What if he’sthe one for my lonely heart! A romance just like in the books!)

Hiscareer and where he stands:

He’sbeen unbeatable for years and dedicated everything to figure skating.He’s passionate about it, neglects anything outside of skating,which in the end causes him to lose inspiration and motivation. Atthe beginning of the series, he’s over 30 points in the lead at theSochi GPF, so he’s in perfect condition and shape and nowhere nearretirement it seems. But with 27 years old he is also well-adviced tothink about his future after competing and start to make plans forthat future. I like to think that he wasn’t averse to the prospectof coaching, since the first words we hear him say in the series areactually tips and corrections for Yuri Plisetsky, who is expected tobecome his biggest rival in Russia with entering the senior division.Still, when the reporters ask him at the conference at worlds, justafter earning his 5th and consecutive gold there, hedoesn’t have a clear answer yet, but we later on learn that hestarted to work on Eros & Agape at this point, meaning he plannedto continue. For more on his career, see this meta.

Hisinteraction with Yuuri up until the Sochi GPF:

We gotthe confirmation from the creators that he knew who Yuuri was beforethe GPF in Sochi. He knew Yuuri was a fan of his and that Yuuri isJapan’s ace. The list of world-class competitors of figure skatingis short, meaning it’s a small world and everyone knows each other.

Pleaseremember at this point that Yuuri is an unreliable narrator and canbe hard on himself: looking back at the length of his competitivecareer it’s more than likely that he skated on the same ice asVictor in competitions before season 1, and we probably aren’t toldthat by Yuuri because he wasn’t happy with how he did at thosecompetitions (maybe he just so made the top ten at worlds? Maybe itreally was the first time he managed to get to the GPF and thequalifiers “don’t count”, because he didn’t “earn” toskate against Victor there the way he “earned” it throughqualifying for the final? Or plain and simple, the creators didn’thave the time to add this detail.). Victor must’ve gotten Yuuri’sanxious cold-shoulder every time and asks him for the commemorativephoto after the final when he sees Yuuri looking at him. I think hejust tried to break the ice here, but Yuuri downright rejected himand rudely on top of that.

Duringthe banquet:

There’sa meta that points out how carefully he approaches drunk and dancingYuuri during the banquet that follows. It’s also impossible that hedidn’t notice how drunk Yuuri was that evening (sure, he didn’tknow Yuuri would forget it completely). With Yuuri’s behaviouruntil the banquet and his drunkenness in mind I feel like Victor’smore rational side isn’t really surprised – and didn’t expectYuuri to actively try to reach out to him afterwards.

I also have ahard time to believe that he instantly fell for Yuuri – though I dobelieve that this evening changed something for him (maybe it reallygave him the coaching idea? It at least gave him inspiration for newprograms). Really, I want to believe that he choreographed Eros &Agape thinking of Yuuri, but I don’t know if that’s confirmed.All in all I’d say he walked out of the banquet with a coachingidea, feeling attracted to Yuuri, with maybe a crush and in highspirits, having had more fun in one evening than he had in a longtime.

Thefirst time he sees the video:

Thefirst time he sees the video of Yuuri skating his routine he seemsvery serious and concentrated, in fact I thought that he looked kindof upset the first time I saw the series. Besides analysing Yuuri’sskill closely, he probably wonders why Yuuri stopped competing –he’s not in shape in that video and wasn’t at worlds as Japan’srepresentative. I think he sees the potential in Yuuri to be theserious competition he didn’t have in the past seasons, the rivalthat could’ve made it an exciting and motivating challenge tocompete (remember the +30 points difference in scores between him andChris, something like that doesn’t happen in real life skatingunless the competition is a painful to watch splat-fest).

Also, Ipersonally would be like “WTF?!” at someone who refused to speakto me/acknowledge me at any given chances, but dances with me whendrunk, not to mention the dry humping part, asks me to be theircoach, never tries to contact me about this again, drops out ofcompetition and then recreates my routine to a T, withoutbeing coached, and proceeds to upload it afterwards.

I feellike one of the closest to canon interpretations of this moment is,that to Victor it looks like Yuuri was ashamed of his drunkenbehaviour and after ending things with his coach, trains and uploadsthe video almost directly after worlds to prove himself worthy ofVictor’s time and coaching with it. Demonstrating what he’s ableto pull off and proving that he really wants Victor to be hiscoach. He didn’t just upload anything, but Victor’s mostrecent, incredible difficult, gold-winning routine. And really,Victor’s expression in that scene didn’t strike me as theexpression of someone jumping at the chance of a romantic adventure,to me it always looked like he went “challenge accepted”, trulychallenged for once, able to pull something absolutely surprisingoff.

Moreover,he gets presented with the ability to test if coaching would be apossible post-competing profession. He at first only promises totrain Yuuri for the GPF and if you follow real life skating, you’llknow that not competing for a part of the season isn’t that big ofa deal, it happens fairly often (though in most cases it’s becauseof injuries).

Whenhe arrives at Hasetsu:

A whileago dear Andie posted this entertaining meta, stating that Victorwasn’t expecting Yuuri to rush to the baths when he soaked there,relaxing after his travels, and I agree with that. When he rose todeclare his plans, completely in the nude, he went harder thannecessary (in case we’re going that far withassumptions/interpretation: if he really hoped to get some casual fungoing, why not “hint” that?). He then proceeds to test the watersfurther, meaning he flirts shamelessly during the secondepisode/first night in Hasetsu, but turns it down and stops whenYuuri makes it clear he’s not interested.

Lookingback now, it is clear that Victor was trying to play a fitting role,testing different behaviours, not knowing what else to do since thatwas what he always did. We all know where it ends: he finally decidesto openly ask Yuuri in the beach scene of EP4.

Buthe has tears in his eyes after Yuuri refused to sleep with him!

Yes, hehas. Personally, I don’t think he’s crying because he wasrejected and the grand romance is in shatters now (even if he hopedfor the romance, this wouldn’t be the only reason for tears here).Other reasons for those tears could be frustration and regret.

Frustration,because he had a tiring day of travelling, jet-lag and Yuuri notgreeting him happily, not going “omg you’ll really coachme!!! I’m speechless and so honoured!!!” (for the romance part:Yuuri’s not reciprocating the flirting as well). Regret, because hemight see now that he didn’t think this through and might have madea mistake.

Ingeneral it is quite common to have this moment of frustration andregret shortly after taking a big step, when the possible, bad andunwanted outcome catches up to you and you go “oh shit”. Maybethose arguments regarding the tears may sound like excuses, but Ireally wouldn’t read heartbreak into them, not after all thearguments I brought before.

Inconclusion (TL;DR):

Yes, hemight have daydreamed of and a part of him might have hoped for theperfect love story, but I think it’s ignorant towards the rest ofhis character to reduce his actions to him “chasing tail” or“misunderstanding Yuuri skating stammi vicino for a signalthat Yuuri wants him romantically”. This just ignores all the otherfacts in this meta and is quite a two-dimensional interpretation. Awell written story acknowledges that the world isn’t black andwhite, it gives its characters more than one motivation for (all of)their actions.

I hopeI could give you a satisfying answer with this meta, nonny! Feel freeto ask if you want to know more and/or want me to elaborate.~

[imagine-loki]

Loki and the Witchling

TITLE: Loki and the Witchling 

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 18/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you’re a healer working with the Avengers when Loki comes to join the team

RATING: T (so far) 

NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 click here

    “I should send a babysitter with you two,” Cap commented at breakfast the next morning. You weren’t even doing anything, just minding your business eating your pancakes.

    “I thought I was the babysitter,” you replied between mouthfuls of pancake.

    “That’s a terrifying thought,” Tony quipped. You threw a dagger at him across the table. He fell out of his chair, even though you had vanished the dagger again before it even touched him. “They fight the same now,” Tony grumbled while Loki gave you a proud, pleased look.

    “You guys weren’t invited, Cap. Strange only wants to meet with the sorcerers who caused the power spike,” you reminded Cap logically, returning to your pancakes.

    “Y/N, whatever you two do, do not make this man our enemy,” Cap ordered firmly.

    “We won’t, Cap. We’ll be polite and see what he wants,” you replied. “All he said was that he wants is to meet us.”

    “Just be careful,”

    “I’ll be careful, and armed,” you reminded him.

    “Don’t go looking for a fight,” Cap added.

    “Cap, I’m going in a dress and heels. Believe me, I do not want to fight in these clothes.” You finished your pancakes and got up to deal with the dishes. You were wearing a black and white dress that usually lived in Nat’s closet. It was more professional looking than most of your dresses. It also somehow gave you an innocent air, especially with your hair loose. You were going for the innocent, mischief-free look when you went to your meeting with Doctor Strange. Loki was Loki and wouldn’t be able to get away with an innocent act no matter how he dressed, so you were hoping Strange would underestimate you instead if things went poorly.

    “Are you driving, Loki?” you asked. He usually preferred to do the driving when the two of you went out. He nodded and stood, vanishing his own breakfast things into the kitchen. He was wearing his perfectly tailored all-black suit.

    You took his hand and squeezed it as you both walked to the elevator. You were nervous about this meeting. “Darling, it will be alright,” Loki reassured you in the elevator. That didn’t stop you from leaning up to kiss him. “Kisses are always pleasant, witchling, but we do have a meeting to get to,” you sighed, but walked with him to the car you always took. You weren’t quite sure who the car actually belonged to. You had a suspicion that it was Tony, but it didn’t much matter.

    It was a short drive over to the address Doctor Strange had provided. It was a huge building with a giant circle window at the top. Loki offered you an arm and you placed your hand on his arm in a now-familiar movement. You dropped Loki’s arm when you reached the front door of the place and raised your hand to knock when you suddenly saw a circle of golden light under Loki’s feet. “Loki?” you asked, staring at the circle.

    “That is not me,” Loki replied dumbly. You both knew that. You knew the feel of his magic quite intimately after saving Spiderman. You reached for him to try to pull him out of the golden circle, but before you could get a hand on him he fell through the circle with a yell.

    “Loki!” you yelled at the spot where he’d been. You whirled, a dagger drawn and blue magic gathered in your other hand, when the door opened beside you.

    “Miss Y/N,” you were greeted by a tall gentleman in a blue kimono tunic and bright red cape. “No need for such dramatics,” he added, eyeing your dagger and the magic bolt gathered in your other hand.

    “Where’s Loki?” you demanded, figuring this man had been the one who created that golden light circle.

    “He’s safe. Come inside and we can discuss this without all of New York watching,”

    You glared up at him. “Your word that Loki is safe?” you demanded.

    “I swear it on my medical license,” he replied. You could hear the truth in his voice, another trick you’d picked up from Loki. You vanished the dagger and bolt of magic and stood straight again, rising from the fighting stance you had automatically assumed. Nat would be proud that you had automatically assumed the stance. You straightened out your skirt and stepped inside the building. The door closed behind you. The next instant you were sitting in a comfortable chair facing him across a desk. “Tea?” he asked as a cup of tea appeared in your hand.

    “Doctor Strange, I assume?” you asked as you sipped on your tea. He inclined his head.

    “I am the Sorcerer Supreme, a wizard, if that explanation makes you happier. I keep a list of people and beings in all the realms that may be a danger to Earth,” he continued, not one for long introductions it seemed.

    “And you think I’m on that list?” you surmised, setting your tea down.

    “I know your boyfriend is, and he is the one teaching you magic, is he not?” You heard the threat in his tone. If Loki was on the list, you were on the list.

    “He is the one teaching me to use my powers,” you replied carefully. “He’s also working with the Avengers now, or did you miss the press conference?” you asked with a touch of temper in your voice.

    “But you’re human,” he replied, looking at his notes. You shrugged.

    “Apparently my magic is close enough to his for him to teach me.” You weren’t going to tell him that at least one of your parents was Asgardian. It wasn’t something you wanted to advertise, and was none of his business. “Besides, my primary power is healing. I really don’t think that qualifies me for your list. I’m also one of the few things in this realm that Loki actually likes and one of the few people he’ll actually listen to, which are both excellent reasons for me to continue being alive,”

    “You misunderstand, I have no intentions on killing you, Miss Y/N,”

    “Then what are your intentions?” you asked, trying to remain polite. Cap had made you promise to be polite.

    “First, I wish to give you a tour of this place and an explanation of what we do here,” Doctor Strange stood. You got to your feet and weren’t terribly surprised when you were in a room full of books of magic. “This is a place of magical learning.” You were next in a training yard of people practicing that golden magic. “We are all here learning to defend the Earth from outside threats.” You were suddenly back in the entryway. “You’re a strong enough sorceress to be a true asset to the Earth. I know you wish to work with the Avengers, and I won’t try to convince you away from that goal, but I will offer that you are always welcome to stop by to study here. Provided you stay off of my list,” he added with a smile. “I will even allow that boyfriend of yours to study here as well…as long as you’re here with him, fetterer,”

    That was the second time that word had come up recently, and you felt the pendant on your necklace warm under your shirt. It was another word to add to the list of weird words that kept coming up recently. The other one was Kærasta which you still hadn’t had the chance to look up the definition of.

    The door to the outside opened in front of you.

    “I’ll be needing my boyfriend back,” you reminded Strange.

    “Oh, yes, of course,” he replied as if he’d actually forgotten that he’d stole Loki. With a small circle of his hands a golden circle appeared in the ceiling of the room. Loki fell through it and crashed hard to the ground.

    “I have been falling for thirty minutes!” Loki snarled as he jumped to his feet with daggers in his hands. You rushed over to him and placed a hand against his chest.

    “Loki, it’s ok,” you told him gently.

    “It is most certainly not ok,” he glared over your head at Doctor Strange.

    “Loki…” Your tone was exasperated as you touched his cheek. He finally took his attention off of Doctor Strange and back to you. “It was a misunderstanding, you can drop the daggers.” He glared at Doctor Strange one last time before vanishing the daggers. “The Doctor is very sorry for the confusion and offered to let us study magic from his shiny rare books. Right, Doctor?” you asked, turning to face Doctor Strange again, your arm around Loki’s waist in case he decided to cause trouble.

    “Of course, Miss Y/N. Apologies, Loki for the confusion,”

    “C’mon, Loki, I think thirty minutes of our presence is all the Doctor can handle for one day,” you teased. Doctor Strange looked like he agreed with your sentiment and was glad to see the two of you go.

    “You are planning on telling me exactly what happened in there, right, witchling?” Loki asked as the door slammed shut behind the two of you.

    “Duh,” you replied. He laughed as you linked your arm with his to walk back to the car. You told him everything that happened with Doctor Strange.

    “You would not prefer to study with the Sorcerer Supreme, instead?” Loki asked softly, his tone had that bruised scared edge to it that you thought you had kissed out of him by now. In reply you grabbed his tie and pulled him down gently to kiss him. He chuckled and let you so he wouldn’t get choked by his tie.

    “Of course not, silly Trickster,” you replied after a couple of kisses.

    *

    “Report!” Captain Rogers demanded the second you and Loki got off of the elevator on the common floor. You should have been expecting him to wait for you. Your hand was in Loki’s, you tapped one of your fingers against the back of his hand, a silent warning for him to keep his mouth shut. You didn’t want to tell Cap about the falling for thirty minutes incident. You gave Cap a very abbreviated version of events where Doctor Strange wanted to meet you, verify what side you were on, and offer the use of the sanctum for magic studies.

    “He’s an ally, Cap,” you finally concluded

    “Good work,” Cap answered, not questioning your story, for which you were grateful. You didn’t want to tell him about Loki being kidnapped by Strange. Loki apparently thought it wise not to bring it up as well.

[sethnakht]

I just saw the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice for the first time in well over a decade and. just. am going to rant a little

the shots are nicely framed and composed, I grant you. the moving camera and complimentary meta fascination with rotating objects, with doublings and reflective surfaces and sources of light, with opening and closing shutters/doors and fluttering ribbons were statements about cinema, at least; the fabricated sculpture sequence at pemberley most of all, taking the two-dimensional portrait gallery of the novel and making it a three-dimensional showroom as though to programmatically demonstrate that film brings still figures into motion. though seeming to misunderstand elizabeth’s response to most of darcy’s art in the novel, which was to think it not very "intelligible", these shots at least had focus - unlike much of the rest of the film, which seems to have only the most confused understanding of the novel and the lowest opinion of its audience. (the fact that the characters have been reduced to stammering fabricated nonsense or heavily simplified versions of their lines for most of the film would suggest the filmmakers thought most viewers would not understand nuance.) but i digress.

that the film treats the novel with indifference is one thing; it’s another matter altogether how the film warps the conditions under which elizabeth accepts darcy's renewed proposal. the changes are slight but added up to give me a very different picture of the whole.

it starts with little things. longbourn and pemberley seem to exist on separate spheres of the earth, the one surrounded by weeds and mud, with not a shrubbery in sight, the other opulent as a palace. elizabeth’s line about being darcy’s equal as a gentleman’s daughter has no bearing here; it’s not even used. then there’s the weirdly strong take on her musicality - from being a pianist with good fingering and expression who gives her listeners pleasure but should practice more in the novel, elizabeth goes to being pretty terrible in the film, to the point that darcy has a new line qualifying his praise of her in front of georgiana. (her wit and eloquence are similarly reduced.) for her part, georgiana - feisty, opinionated, only in name and musical skill related to the exceedingly shy original - insists that her brother should "force" elizabeth into playing duets. this is playful enough, but also … a little alarming, given how the pemberley sequence of the film primarily consists in lingering shots of statues depicting naked men and veiled women, given how concerned the sequence is with evoking duets of a different kind.

also, the bennets and gardiners are about to become hugely indebted to darcy for saving lydia.

when film!darcy and elizabeth prove their true love for one another with their psychic ability to find each other at sunrise, in deshabille, in a meadow, where if anyone were to see them alone and in such dress her reputation would be at stake, and elizabeth thanks him for what he has done, darcy is not "exceedingly sorry" she has learned of what he did, as in the novel. he blinks away the concerns novel!darcy expressed about the "uneasiness" she might feel and moves on to the bit about doing it for her, etc. where he then tells her in the novel his feelings and wishes have not changed but leaves elizabeth the choice to "silence him forever", film!darcy doesn't wait for her response. instead, he actually undermines the words "silence him forever" by tacking on some stammered lines about how "bewitched" he is. instead of leaving things to her, he makes the moment again about him.

i’m not trying to say that the film has darcy pressure elizabeth into marrying him. rather, it’s the structure of the film itself that makes it so she must. like, the option for her to say no - which she has in the novel, she could insist that kitty stay with her and darcy on the walk where he ends up proposing the second time, or that they accompany kitty, etc - that option is not even represented. maybe I’m taking this too far, but the fact they nearly kiss after she rejects his first proposal seemed one of piece with this structure. so too is how she’s framed as gazing with new perspective on her derbyshire trip - while this in and of itself is a statement that makes sense, as she does have a new perspective during that trip, there’s something about the stark contrast between the mud of her origins and this elevated new position as the condition for seeing into distance that favors the latter - and by extension, the gaze of someone like darcy - as a more encompassing one.

(this might just be me misremembering, but I also came away from the film thinking it associates elizabeth with reflective surfaces - the moon and mirrors - while darcy appears with the sun, like a new source of her light.)

like, I understand that the film is so anachronistic at places (caroline bingley showing up to balls in her chemise ...) that it might as well just be considered deliberately so, a modern romance filmed in costume that shouldn't be read with an eye for historical detail. possibly I would have found it all less insidious without the closing scenes, where elizabeth claims darcy has no pride whatsoever (the qualifier "improper" is missing), where elizabeth tells her father that he shouldn't even mention to darcy the idea of paying back their debts to him, where mr. bennet's concern she will end up in an unequal marriage is glossed over, and where darcy’s really important commentary on what he has learned from elizabeth is totally absent. add to this the american ending where elizabeth tells darcy he should call her mrs. darcy when he is happiest and treat her only as a separate self when not, and ... darcy comes out of this story on top, as the shy, retiring, wholly misunderstood guy who was never proud or dismissive in his life, while elizabeth just looks dumb. no wonder she has to plunge into becoming an extension of darcy, who calls her mrs. darcy ... what was it, ten or fifteen times? enough times to make me want to tear off my ears, for sure

which isn’t to say there isn’t room for that! it’s a very beautifully shot film, and if I’d never read the novel, I might have had a different experience of it altogether. the showing I attended was at a cinema, where it was plain that many people cherish it. I respect that, though it’s not an opinion I can share. forgive me this long rant, if you read this far, I hope you shall banish it from memory.

[gritcitywitch]

We’re All Drowning

The thought of going back to work gives me anxiety. I don’t know what I’ll be walking into, or whether I’ll be able to mentally and emotionally handle the workload. The last few nights I had been there, working in the Covid unit had pushed me to update my indeed resume on lunch break. I’ve been at this place for nearly five years and worked in all of the departments, finding myself right back in the position I had begun — an NAR.

I’m an abuse survivor and suffer from cPTSD, BPD1, OCD. I’m Neurodivergent (ESP Autism). I’m able to ‘mask’ the projections most of the time. I’ve spent my life trying to hide rather than be misunderstood. A blender. It took me working at this place to discover myself. That I have a voice. But half the time I don’t have the energy to use it. I flinch and throw my phone when it rings. Texting seems so easy until you remember you might have to carry on a conversation. Being asked “How’ve you been?” sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Make it uncomfortable with the truth, or say ‘kill me now please’? I hit them with uncomfortable truth, always. Because I need help.

At first, I was embarrassed to tell people I currently sleep in a tent in my brother’s backyard. I don’t look or present myself as someone you’d think is one misunderstanding away from being on the street with their kids. I’ve lived at his house for six years now, was only supposed to be here temporarily. In the beginning, I made some poor choices with my money. Most of those choices were in a frantic attempt to get out of my brother’s house and away from my family. Survival mode can sometimes cause you to make bad choices. My kids and I live where we are not wanted and we’re very aware of it. My main focus since November 2020 has been to make up for all the time and money I’ve wasted on the wrong things and people, but it goes unseen — because I don’t make enough money to not be here, in my brother’s home. I get paid to take care of the elderly but that pay doesn’t afford my existence. I can’t afford to exist…

“I get paid to take care of the elderly but that pay doesn’t afford my existence. I can’t afford to exist.”

Where I live (Tacoma, Washington), you can’t avoid having to chip out at least $2000 a month on rent, and you need to make 3x that to qualify; it doesn’t matter how big the unit is. Most jobs around here are retail, sales, customer service, or healthcare that pay $13-$18 an hour. When you use Lyft every day to get to and from work, it begins to add up even faster when you already don’t have money. I’ve become realistic in accepting that unless I can get people to pool their money with me, renting or owning just isn’t going to happen soon enough. I began looking into Alternative Living and even that is a costly endeavor. I began looking into grants, loans, I even took the Home Ownership class. Started reading and researching more, fell down the YouTube rabbit hole for a solid month trying to figure out a solution to our living situation. I was able to pull together almost $6000 and then was rushed into purchasing a trailer. By the time that I had gotten it, it seemed everyone else had the same idea in mind — all the RV sites were full. My mother made sure to guilt me into believing that this was my fault, assuring me that I am the burden I already knew myself to be.

I dream of having land. Building a home just big enough for the four of us. Turning that land into an Urban Food Forest. I dream of helping feed my community. I walk by empty homes and visualize local, sustainable produce growing abundant in their yards. I want to put together a Sensory Garden for my workplace to enrich the lives of the people I care for every day. This situation has given me what some would call a ‘Soul Purpose’. I am happiest when my hands are in the soil and when I’m helping others. So, amidst all of the chaos, I obtained a certificate in Permaculture Design — but life knows how to take a bad situation and make it worse. After avoiding Covid-19 for two years, I succumbed to the plague. I missed three weeks of unpaid work, only to set me behind further. On average I spend $400 on transportation for work. I spent last week stressing over how the hell I was going to make it into my shifts. Imagine, not being able to afford missing work, but not being able to afford to go. How many others are like me? How many others feel like they’re stuck, waiting? That are trying their asses off and coming up empty-handed?

Imagine, not being able to afford missing work, but not being able to afford to go. How many others are like me?

We have become so detached from the natural world that we think this is normal, this ‘Grind Culture’. We live in an age of acceptable cruelty. We do good so we can justify our bad. We torture ourselves. It’s the only thing we have control over. There’s an elephant in the room… we’re all drowning. We fight over toilet paper. We live on and in electronics; we are the machines. We’re all trapped.

[hyperfixatin-blog]

HOW TO WRITE A SELECTIVELY MUTE CHARACTER.

I’m seeing a lot of writers making the decision to make their character what is called ‘selectively mute’, and while I’m so happy that the S.M. community are finally getting some representation, I would much prefer that it could be portrayed as accurately as possible. I’ve found a lot of ‘how to write mute characters’ guides, but I’ve yet to find many that specifies completely on this disorder. This guide is written by someone who has personally suffered from selective mutism as a child and somewhat as a teenager. If you wish for your character to have this condition, I’d encourage you to read on and perhaps learn a few things about it.

Please bear in mind that most of what I’ve written below are from my own personal experiences and that everybody deals with the condition differently! I am also not a doctor or a health professional, but I hope that this guide will at least be of some help to you!

WHAT IS SELECTIVE MUTISM?

Selective mutism is defined by wiki as: “an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech cannot speak in specific situations or to specific people. Selective mutism usually co-exists with shyness or social anxiety.”

So yes, for me it was the acute and intense phobia of socialising, or more accurately (and perhaps the most important aspect to distinguish) the crippling fear of being mocked and ridiculed. It is not a fear of speaking. I, for example, could talk quite comfortably to very close friends and nuclear family, but was suddenly rendered speechless when surrounded by my school friends, teachers, and most of my extended family members – however it must be noted that for my extended family, I would eventually warm up to them after a day or two.

DESTROYING THE COMMON MYTHS:

“So you basically couldn’t speak?” – Now that is a different kind of mutism, one that is usually caused by a health condition or likewise. If you wish for your character to be rendered speechless because they are physically unable to (for example, if your character is hard of hearing etc.), then this isn’t the guide for you and that isn’t selective mutism – although it is completely possible for your character to have both! Just as long as you recognise that they’re two completely different conditions. There was nothing physical preventing me from speaking but my own crippling social anxiety, a little ‘voice’ in my head that told me that whatever I said would be stupid and therefore not worth voicing.

“It sounds quite cute/adorable” – That whole stereotype of the shy girl who’s adorable because she’s quiet and blushes needs to die, right now. Selective mutism almost completely ruined my childhood. As a kid, bullies would seek me out at school because they knew I couldn’t ask for help. It got so severe that I had to move schools.

“You obviously went through some trauma in your life” – In some cases this is true, other times (like mine) I was just very socially anxious and belonged to a family with a history of diagnosed (and undiagnosed) mental disorders, which just so happened to include anxiety. There have been cases where certain individuals have been through a traumatic event and perhaps they feel they are unable to speak to the person involved in that event – whether that be due to the fact that they were part of the trauma, or the cause of the trauma, and speaking to them would stir up a fear of the event repeating itself.  

“You were just being defiant/stubborn” – FUCK NO. I don’t think a lot of people understand that we didn’t choose to become selectively mute; it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain like all mental disorders. It’s literally like saying to someone with a broken leg to ‘get out of their wheelchair because they’re just being lazy’. I can’t stress this enough. I honestly can’t tell you what it was like being a kid and wanting to fit in and talk to people, yet believing that whatever I said would cause havoc for myself. It’s possibly one of the lowest forms of self-esteem you can have.

“So you chose who not to speak to?” – Yes and no. Like what I said above, I didn’t choose to be selectively mute, but there was definitely a pattern of which individuals I found myself not talking to. These were either strangers/people I didn’t know well, because I had no way of predicting how they’d react to my comments and that terrified me; most of my friends from school because I cared about their opinion too much to supposedly ‘ruin’ it; and then a collection of extended family members which is a combination of both my reaction to friends and strangers, which really depended on who it was. If you watch The Big Bang Theory, Raj’s inability to talk to women is a perfect example of what I’m talking about (although please note that he is not the paramour of selectively mute characters).

SOME COMMON SYMPTOMS:

Avoiding eye contact – For me it was always this weird superstition where I thought that looking into someone’s eyes meant that they could judge me harder? It’s also just a natural sign of submission AKA I really didn’t want to fight anyone. I still can’t look people in the eye and I haven’t suffered from the condition in years.

Fidgeting – Ignoring the fact that I also have ADHD, I’ve heard cases where fidgeting (mainly with the fingers, hair, clothing, or by wiggling the leg while sitting) can be an effective way of expelling that nervous energy when finding ourselves in social situations, or just in an attempt to distract ourselves from our own shitty thoughts. My fidgeting were mainly oral fixations (which also helped my ADHD – so hitting two birds with one stone) like chewing on literally everything: my sleeves, my nails (and the skin around them), my lips, the skin inside my mouth (which has caused some weird internal Joker-like scars), and stationary like the ends of pens and pencils. All of these habits have stayed with me into ‘adulthood’. Your character can have all, some, or none of these! It’s entirely up to you.

Blushing: Good evening, my most hated side effect. This occurred pretty much every time a person of authority (that weren’t my parents) talked to me. The worst part was that I could feel myself flushing, and since I knew what it looked like combined with my social phobia, only made it worse. Let the vicious transformation into a tomato begin.

SEEMINGLY UNRELATED SIDE EFFECTS:

Difficulty expressing emotions

Fear of change (feeling most comfortable with a routine their familiar with).

Difficulty with facial expression

COMMUNICATION:

Gosh, there are so many ways you can communicate with someone who is non-verbal and it really depends on the person and their personal preferences. But here are a few suggestions and what your character could use:

Flashcards: this is what I used. I had little pieces of laminated cards which I’d use at school. They didn’t have masses on them as you can imagine, but simple sentence starters and words like the basics greetings (hello, goodbye, good morning, good afternoon etc.), a card that requested ‘help’, yes and no, and whether I had brought a lunch or required food from the cafeteria. So it wasn’t exactly a full blown conversation, but it was enough to communicate the basics.

Sign language: I’m not saying your character should be able to know sign language off by heart (I certainly didn’t), but even just a few words that would communicate what was on my flashcards helped a lot. To be honest, for me the only reason why I picked up bits of sign language was because my younger brother, Sam, was autistic and didn’t start speaking full sentences to anyone until the age of four. So it also helped me and my parents to communicate with him as well as me.

Written communication: pretty self-explanatory. Whenever there was something I wanted to say but couldn’t communicate through my flashcards, I’d get a piece of paper and write it down.

Once again this is totally flexible. Your character can use all of these, some of these or none of these! It all depends on personal preference and the environment they grow up in. I’ve also not included every single way to communicate non-verbally because that would be a hella long list.

SCHOOL:

Okay, so my school experience was pretty shitty because of my selective mutism and here are a list of reasons why:

TEACHERS: I couldn’t ask for help. Yeah sure, I had a flash card with the word ‘HELP’ scribbled across it but, uh, I had severe social anxiety y’all I wasn’t always comfortable with drawing attention to myself. Especially since it was usually followed by the most painful few minutes of trying to communicate what I didn’t understand without words. It got so bad that I didn’t know how to add, subtract, multiply or divide at ten years old, and had to do Kumon (an intense Japanese tuition styled programme to help me get back on track). Having said that, I did have undiagnosed ADHD so that would have made everything 10x worse in the education department as I wasn’t always, y’know, listening.

BULLIES: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so this was a biggy. I’m not going to go into my sob story but it got so bad that it was one of the main factors in why I moved schools when I was seven.

MISUNDERSTANDING: okay, so I was thinking about this last night and remembered something really fucked up. I was told by a qualified teacher at the end of year 2 (I was seven years old) that if I didn’t speak by the start of year 3, I would fail school. Yeah, fucked up right? I genuinely remember the crippling anxiety I felt when she told me that and how mad my parents were when I told them. ANOTHER THING: my teachers did not tell all the staff about my mutism. I was queuing up for lunch and I pointed to the thing I wanted and when I didn’t say please, they almost refused to give me lunch and called me rude in front of my entire year. It’s this misunderstanding that caused me anxiety that could have easily been prevented if everyone had been better educated about the condition.

WHAT I’VE GAINED FROM THE CONDITION (positive):

Strong empathy

Above average perception/inquisitiveness

A strong sense of right and wrong

So there you have it, selective mutism. I really hoped this helped give a better understanding of what the condition is. Please don’t take this disorder lightly because it’s an ugly, ugly thing to have and it should never be a cute ‘quirk’ for your character. Also I must stress that you shouldn’t take this guide as your only research. Google it, look on the selective mutism/actually mute tag, research research research; it’s the best way to portray anything accurately. This guide is very basic and does not involve everything because that would take me forever. 

If you have any questions regarding selective mutism or this guide, send me a message and I’ll be happy to direct you the best I can! <3

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

First I gotta say this is not supposed to be rude or discriminating. I just don't know who else I could ask this. So I know that asexual people don't feel much or any sexual attraction at all. I understand that they can (obviously) have a relationship with someone. You don't need to have sex with someone in order to love them. But can an aromatic person also have a relationship? Don't you have to be in love with someone to have a relationship? Isn't love the reason for a relationship? 1/2

2/2 As far as I understood aromantic people don’t fell romantic attraction. Or do they only have a sexual (like friends with benefits) relationship? Again this is not meant to be rude. I’m probably just being stupid.

It’s not a stupid question. Things like this don’t nearly get talked about enough so it’s okay to ask us about it.

What I wanna establish first is that a “relationship” doesn’t have to be romantic. The word literally just means some sort of connection and regular interaction between two or more people. A friendship is a relationship for example. Or there’s relationships that are exclusively sexual or “friends with benefits”. People have relationships with their parents, their neighbours, they collegues… So I’d say the reason for different kinds of relationships is the need for different kinds of human interaction. Aromantic people do not feel a need for romantic relationships or do not experience romantic attraction. This doesn’t mean they don’t have relationships at all.

There’s something called “queerplatonic relationships” that you may wanna read up on - it’s something that the aro community uses to describe a form of relationship they can have that is neither romantic, nor platonic. It doesn’t have to involve sex (but it can, as far as I know) and is based on a strong emotional connection that isn’t a romantic one.

That being said: some aromantic people are completely romance-repulsed, others are indifferent to romance. I myself would count as grey-romantic: I am totally capable of developing romantic feelings for someone (it’s rare but it’s been known to #happen to me) but I don’t necessarily “care” about romance and I don’t feel the need to be in a romantic relationship just for the sake of it and if my boyfriend and I were to break up I’d sure be sad about “losing” him but I wouldn’t be sad about being single again - if that makes sense?!

Some aromantic people who are allosexual (the opposite of asexual) have sexual relationships and what’s important to remember in that case is that being aromantic doesn’t mean they don’t care for their sexual partners. Aromantic people can still be respectful and caring - they just don’t fall in romantic love.

And there are many different kinds of love - just because aromantic people don’t experience romantic love, doesn’t mean they don’t experience love for their friends or family or pets or music, art, nature, themselves….

Maddie

EDIT: Since I’m arospec and in a queerplatonic relationship just wanted to add a little bit.

Maddie has this covered pretty well, but I’m just going to focus a bit on the very tail end of what she said. I understand being uneducated on the subject, but generally it’s not the best thing to say that aromantic people don’t love. That’s a huge stereotype that’s kind of akin to saying that bisexuals are all promiscuous. Sure, some aromantic people don’t particularly experience interpersonal love in any form, just like some bi people are promiscuous. But many of us do love in a lot of other ways, just like many bi people aren’t promiscuous.

Again, I don’t blame you for being uneducated and thinking that anon. Aromanticism is still very much invisible to the majority of people, and so there’s a lot of misunderstanding out there. Just something to keep in mind for the future.

In terms of my own experiences as an arospec in a queerplatonic relationship, my partner and I may not be attracted to each other romantically, but we very much do love each other. Also worth noting that, yeah, we’re also not sexually attracted to each other or engaging with each other sexually at all, even though I’m allosexual. Queerplatonic relationships vary a lot, but pretty well the only qualifier there is that the relationship isn’t romantic. Most of what our relationship is built on is platonic and alterous (meaning, essentially some sort of not quite romantic, but also not quite what you’d call platonic) feelings.

Jenn

[myonlinegaminguniverse]

One Consumer's Observations of the Mental Health Care System in America

The mental health framework is a one of a kind culture. Psychiatry itself is, not normal for some other clinical claim to fame. Mental health is an encased framework. That implies it is a world inside a world. The specialists, advisors, patients, and backing laborers assume jobs. It's a corresponding climate. Every major part in the framework permits the other individual the chance to showcase their job. For instance, the specialist gives you an analysis that has no premise (Yes this occurs every now and then). You, the patient, having total confidence in the forces of the conduct health framework, acknowledge this determination as the absolute truth. In time, you start to see certain practices and musings that you accept might be an indication of your alleged disease. You re-visitation of your primary care physician and report these indications. Your therapist concurs with your perceptions and sets up them in your clinical account. He additionally embeds his definitive remarks to help his conclusion. Thusly, the two players in the relationship are commonly approved in their jobs.

At the point when one has been assuming the patient part for such a long time, an individual starts to distinguish oneself as a "psych tolerant." That's what your identity is. This is the term that characterizes your very presence. You have a place with the mental health framework. Before long enough you locate that each movement you connect with yourself in is identified with your problem and the prescription your primary care physician endorsed to stifle it. It's a miserable analysis for sure. It's more troubled still for the individual who unnecessarily battles against an undefinable imperfection in their character as though the determination were the unquestionable truth. I recognize the way that the agitating situation I am painting here isn't valid for each mental patient.

Eventually, the Protecc Mental Health finds the advantages of being named mentally sick. There are mental health laborers, for example, caseworkers who help the "customer" in getting a free living remittance from the Federal government as Social Security Disability Income or Supplemental Security Income in whatever negligible sum it might be. I will include for comfort that federal retirement aide incapacity benefits are accounted for (by the legislature) to run dry in 2016. A customer is regularly qualified with the expectation of complimentary lodging, health care, food help, and substantially more. The mentally sick individual may even have the privilege under certain handicap laws to bring a pit-bull into a no-pet private network. Actually, you could even take it on a business aircraft. The explanation is essentially in light of the fact that your specialist esteemed it vital that you have an enthusiastic help creature (oh no was that a mystery?). Try not to misunderstand me. I'm certain there are individuals who require a partner creature for their passionate health. I'm doing whatever it takes not to be impolite to the individuals who are battling. What I'm stating that there are motivating forces incorporated with the framework for some individuals to acknowledge their conclusion and assume out their job.

There are caseworkers and effort laborers that will go to court with you, and promoter for your benefit under the steady gaze of the appointed authority when you cross paths with the law. They will assist the mentally sick with the entirety of their own issues. What a deal! Run out and educate the entirety of your companions concerning it. Let the administration deal with you. It makes being a mental patient appear to be a lot more appealing. Is there any good reason why anyone wouldn't need a therapist name to them crippled? Once more, I'm being snide to come to my meaningful conclusion that individuals, who are inappropriately marked with a DSM V determination, risked getting reliant on the mental health framework for their requirements.

This sort of social government assistance urges individuals to surrender their desire and inspiration. It ingrains the possibility that living a negligible presence is adequate. I, for one, have faith in the enormity individuals can accomplish for themselves and the world by putting forth a concentrated effort.

Recollect this. When you get into the mental health framework your odds of getting out are thin. There are various purposes behind this. Fundamentally in light of the fact that the specialist or clinician has you persuaded that you have a genuine clinical issue, which you can't deal with yourself. We as a whole realize that is strange. Numerous individuals deal with their downturn and nervousness amazingly well without the utilization of mental prescriptions. In the event that Ativan quiets your nerves and causes you work, at that point that is incredible. Then again, I have seen a lot of individuals become dependent on narcotics. These medications are risky. I wouldn't place your confidence in the security of the antidepressants either. I think the drug monsters rush to call attention to that because of the various legal claims documented against them.

Some fault can be set on the drug organizations for this unnatural medication reliance. As I was composing this article, I rode NAMI's site (National Alliance for Mental Illness) and saw "In Our Own Voice," a government funded training program, is supported by an award from Eli Lily. This is the drug monster that produces mental medications like Prozac, Zyprexa, and Cymbalta. I accumulate (without a lot of mental exertion) that Eli Lily's liberality is an exposure mission to make them seem as though one of the heroes in the mental field, and subsequently, help deals. As I surfaced the Internet, I found that NAMI has been accepting something reasonable of analysis for their faulty relationship with drug organizations. I won't state NAMI is shameless or dishonest. That would be excessively simple. On the off chance that Ely Lily offered me a great many dollars, I would need to genuinely think about taking it. Once in a while the choice to go too far relies upon one's genuine needs. Different occasions it simply has to do with making a buck. There is no rejecting that this sort of corporate offense unfavorably influences the mental health framework and fuels the enduring of its shoppers. Once more, I realize a few people need the support of the drug organizations and the mental network. The screening cycle for endorsing these drugs is a major contributor to the issue. That is on the grounds that there is no sufficient cycle set up for administering these possibly perilous medications.

Society itself adds to this useless culture. The overall disposition of people in general is "the length of they are not disturbing us you can do what you please with them." This gives the mental health suppliers considerably greater power to do however they see fit. Thus the mental patient is deprived of their privileges. From my perspective, a mental patient is a person without regard or poise. You can call my words sensational in the event that you like.

It might appear as I am refusing to accept responsibility for the issues at hand and the taking on the casualty job. Permit to explain the function of the patient in the mental health framework (those such as myself). I will be the first to concede that the educated mental patient is the person who is principally liable for their shocking circumstance. We need to acknowledge our function in the framework. Nobody can force you despite your good faith, and state, "Go see a specialist about your uneasiness." At least that is valid by and large. At the point when you consider why you did it, you will say, "It appeared to be a smart thought at that point."

The most noticeably awful thing a mentally sick individual would actually do, is informing somebody concerning their condition. When you do, the other individual glances at you in an unexpected way. A programmed streak goes off in the individual's cerebrum, "Gracious God. Here we go. His ailment is misbehaving." This demeanor is particularly recognizable despite a mental health proficient, your relatives, and dearest companions. It's a general response. From the second you uncover your mystery, all that you do will be accused on your ailment. The manners by which you communicate as a typical individual will be estimated against your alleged issue. On the off chance that you are baffled about something, the individuals throughout your life will finish up, "His drugs aren't working." When individuals figure you can't hear them, they will chatter among themselves, "Goodness he's a psych tolerant. That is the reason he looks fomented. That is essential for his disease." This disposition is very normal. It originates from an absence of comprehension. How could an individual know, except if the person in question has by and by experienced it.

On the off chance that you should endeavor to express your privileges as a person, the mental health supplier will continue to have you focused on a mental emergency clinic without wanting to. The patient can be held for an uncertain timeframe until a clinician chooses the individual has woken up. The mental health experts can basically do anything they desire with you in light of the fact that nobody will take a stand in opposition to them. In Massachusetts, mental patients must hold an exceptionally prepared attorney to speak to them under the watchful eye of a mental health court so as to be delivered. This is the place we are in 2013. I'll wager the greater part of you perusing this article didn't have a clue how our conduct health framework functions. We are still in obscurity ages.

The main time the condition of the mental health framework is uncovered is the point at which a patient ends it all or kills somebody. At that point there is a public commotion and the specialist or advisor are accused or now and again sued. With all due respect, no specialist can control the conduct of their patient in the public arena. That isn't their activity from my perspective. The mental health proficient can't be considered liable for the activities of their patients, except if they were terribly careless somehow or another. We are free and sovereign people. In the United States, individuals are by and large permitted to work uninhibitedly without unnecessary impedance from others. The American disposition is "Nobody has the privilege to instruct me." It's a marginally unique story if the patient expresses that the person plans to end it all or murder somebody. At that point the call to obligation is enacted.