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cheralith · 1 day

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wish you well — 「 celebrity!gojo x manager!reader (drabble & headcanons 」

synopsis ; after being one of the nation's most well-loved celebrity's manager for nine years, it's time to call it quits. said celebrity, however, doesn't take it too well.

content tags/warnings ; gn!reader, no pronouns for reader used, mild angst, some parts not edited/not beta read

contains ; celebrity!au, a-list actor!gojo satoru, manager!reader, no powers au

notes ; plot inspired by "what's wrong with secretary kim" after my nth rewatch haha

now playing ; i wish you love - nancy wilson

Everyone goes to lean forward in their seats, gripping the edge of it as the music that’s singing from the movie theatre’s speakers suddenly stops, letting the sound effects of rain pebble through instead. The screen displays a running, drenched man in the rain of a lonesome road in the middle of the countryside, his crystal blue eyes hazy with a brim of tears balancing in them as he huffs and puffs, the exhaustion within him visible. The camera cuts to a woman seated safely under a bus stop as the rain pours down with the same view of a descending countryside town still blurred in the distance. She grips the handle of her suitcase as her head goes to gaze solemnly at her shoes.

A bus goes to a screeching halt, only the tender wheel of it visible as the woman’s gaze is still stuck on the floor before she looks up to see the bus doors opening before her. The running man appears before the screen, desperation clear on his face before the camera slowly turns towards the bus stop the formerly-sitting woman is now standing under.

“Loretta! Don’t you dare get on that bus!” the man yells out, earning the woman’s attention.

The woman widens her pale green eyes at the sight of him breaking out into a sprint. She swallows a nervous gulp, too frozen to move from her spot until the man enters under the shelter of the bus stop. His chest engraved with the lining of visible muscles are evident through his pale blue button-down that’s slicked with water and the sight earns a couple of lip bites from women in the theatre.

The woman stammers, “Y-you know I need to do this…”

“No you don’t,” the man mutters, the camera panning to show his eyes holding desperation and a slight flicker of anger. “Your father wants you to do this, but I know you. I know you don’t want to.”

“But it’s my duty, Vincent—”

“Don’t give me that ‘duty’ shit!” The man shakes his head, letting droplets of water fling all over. “Loretta, please… just stay here with me,” he pleads, holding her face in his hands and forcing the woman to look up at him as his thumbs wipe away her tears that grab onto mascara. “We can stay here… get a house together… build a family… die old together like you said we would. You’re not gonna break your promise, are you?”

“Vincent, that was when we were six!” the woman exclaims sadly, “Don’t tell me you’re still hanging onto that.”

“I’m not hanging onto that promise,” he whispers, pulling her face closer to his.

The instrumental of a music track begins to play softly in the background, obvious tension rising to the surface in the theatre as the scene continues. A couple of hands shovel into large popcorn buckets and without thinking, shove the popcorn into their salivating mouths. Nails dig into the palms of hands as some chew on them out of anticipation. Eyes wide and unblinking, they give their full attention to the screen.

“Say the line…” whispers one person.

The man tenderly kisses her in a short, but passionate kiss, letting her release from him with a dreamy sigh.

“I’m holding on to you,” he murmurs ever so softly.

Compared to the quietness of the man on the screen, the theatre goes absolutely crazy. Shouts and cheers ring through the air as numerous rounds of applause go to harmonize with them.

The scene in the movie finalizes with Loretta finally swallowing her pride and nodding to Vincent’s agreement, sealing the movie with a kiss that lasts until the screen slowly fades to black.

“Annnd… that’s a wrap,” the director of the movie jokes as he stands up from his seat. He earns a few laughs from the cast and the crew of the movie. The theatre begins to light up once more and gives a clear view of everyone, including the section that holds the main cast up near the back. “I’d like to give one last thank you to Satoru Gojo and Yuki Tsukumo one last time for giving an amazing performance and dedicating their time for the past year and a half. Thank you both ever so dearly.”

Satoru Gojo, also known as Vincent, goes to stand up with his co-star, also known as Loretta, and they give a synchronized bow to the people in the theatre as the premier for his latest movie finally draws the curtains from behind the audience. “Thank you for directing another outstanding movie. I truly do look forward to working with you again in the future,” he gives another dazzling smile as he and Yuki elegantly walk down the stairs together. They say their final goodbyes as co-stars and depart to opposite sides of the theatre where they’re greeted with their teams.

You go to hand him his coat you’ve been hanging on to for the past ninety minutes, the scent of cologne finally fading after a suffocating hour and a half. Glancing at the director who heartily laughs with some of the editors of the movie, you let out a light chuckle.

“Hm? What’s so funny?” Satoru inquires as he shoves on his coat.

“You’re such a liar,” you say, shrugging as you and him exit the movie’s premiere together, some of the actor’s team following shortly after, conversing with another about how spectacular the movie was. “You’d rather throw yourself off a cliff than work with that guy again.”

Without looking at you, Satoru grins ahead. “You know me so well.”

Ijichi, the chauffeur, is waiting patiently outside the venue despite the winter cold. When he sights the many delighted smiles and laughter, he asks, “I take it the premiere went well?”

“Very,” you nod, getting into the car to enjoy its warmth.

The car ride is nothing out of the usual, just quiet jazz playing in the background and the city lights glimmer from above.

“Oh, what’s the agenda for tomorrow by the way?” Satoru asks, his gaze turning from the window to you, who still is focused on the tablet that checks off today’s draining tasks for the celebrity.

Photoshoot for Ray Ban… done. Look over next month’s plans for Season Two of Jujutsu Kaisen… done. Suit fitting for movie premiere… done. Movie premiere… done!

“(Y/N)~” Satoru calls again but dragging the last syllable of your name and snapping his fingers in front of you to capture your attention. He chuckles when you jolt in your seat.

“Sorry,” you mutter before swiping to tomorrow’s agenda. “Alright, nothing too big. You just gotta sign that contract that you’ll be the spokesperson for Chaumet, then right after, you have an Elle interview regarding the movie. Then, you’ll have a final dinner with the entire cast and that’s it for the week.”

Satoru nods in approval and obviously ready to take on tomorrow’s attacks. Only three things? He can handle that with ease. If anything, it’s been less of a load to bring on from the recent events that had been happening as of lately. His feet could really use a break from walking over so many red carpets.

The road begins to lead down a familiar path as you realize you pass the local family diner, your apartment’s entrance shortly coming to view. Ijichi slows to a stop and unlocks the door, letting you out. Before Satoru can say goodbye to his beloved manager, however, you stop the window from rolling up and lean down into the car again.

“Oh, I forgot to say this earlier, but,” you pause, making sure his attention is all on you for this short, but possibly life-alternating moment. “You’re also meeting your new manager tomorrow, too. She’s really sweet and—”

Time freezes for a moment.

“Wait a minute,” Satoru furrows his brows and faces his body completely towards you, his countenance pulling the curtains to reveal a confused, serious expression that rarely appears on his face. “New manager…? What do you mean?”

The question comes out more as a demand. Breath hitching for a short moment, you release it and smile gently with the corners not letting your eyes curve. You had been anticipating this moment for the longest time now—around half a year of decision making and weighing the pros and cons, then three months deciding when the right time to break the news would be. But at this time, you’ve ran out of time and you’ve ultimately decided to push it towards the day before the deadline, something you almost never do. A little solemnly, you sigh out softly and finally declare the groundbreaking news to the A-list celebrity, your head still high.

“I’ll be quitting as your manager, soon.”

Actor!Gojo, who doesn't get a good night sleep after that abrupt statement, in which you barely gave him time to try and ask why on earth you're giving up the job that many people would kill for, only leaving him with a small wave and a subtle "goodnight." Your voice replayed in his head the entire night, the sentence resembling nails on a chalkboard the more he repeated it to himself—"I'll be quitting as your manager, soon."

Actor!Gojo, who thinks you have the nerve to put on a smile and greet him good morning the following sunrise as if nothing happened, as if you weren't breaking a bond of nearly nine years with him. Your words for today’s plans go in and out of his ears as Satoru wearily examines your appearance and movements in the kitchen that he almost never uses as he rounds up his thoughts that poisoned his head ever since you said that all-too-bold statement last night that shifted his entire world in the matter of seconds.

Actor!Gojo, who cuts you off mid-sentence, asking you sharply why you're quitting as his manager out of the blue, his usually-playful baby blue hues piercing right into you. He notices your smile faltering a bit, but never completely dissipating, though it comes severely close to doing so when you tell him why.

Actor!Gojo, who listens much too intently for his liking when he hears you out, a feat he rarely does. "The past nine years have been wonderful, don't get me wrong," you murmur as you slather on a sugary marmalade on his toast. "But I don't think I'm really getting much out of life just being someone's manager."

Actor!Gojo, who pretends as if those last two words don't sting his chest. Someone's manager... as if he's not one of the most worshipped and celebrated A-list actors in the industry right now. But he supposes that's why he stuck by you, since you understood that he, too, was just a regular human being at the end of the day like the rest of humanity, even with his godlike good looks.

Actor!Gojo, whose mouth runs dry when you continue. "I don't want to be the side character to someone's story. I deserve to live fully too." you finish, pushing Gojo's plate of breakfast towards him before snacking on the leftovers. You stare at him, awaiting his response. You understand that despite you thinking over such a big decision for a few months, that it was better to rip off the bandaid and avoid any further complications by quitting unexpectedly, even though you knew Gojo better than anyone.

Actor!Gojo, who attempts to understand where you're coming from. Yes, he can get that maybe this life wasn't the most exciting, but then again, what other jobs out there are? At least with this one, you're guaranteed good—dare he say, great—pay and stability, along with experiencing second-hand what it's like to see all the glitz and glamour most of the population fiend for. It's thanks to him that you've been draped in designer clothes for premiers, that you've tried Michelin delicacies, that you've travelled the world. So... why ditch all of that for a more simple life? Aren't you content?

Actor!Gojo, whose mind flashes back to the moment where you stared a little too longingly at a lovesick couple in the window of a coffee shop, or when your eyes lingered on the engagement rings in a shop window that one day he had to get a suit tailored. He suddenly remembers the one dress rehearsal where he witnessed an extra asking for your number before you declined politely. He had asked you jokingly that you were blind to reject such a handsome guy (second to him, of course), only for you to reply you smiled gently at him and said you had no time to date.

Actor!Gojo, who suddenly blurts out without any restraint, and with a little more edge than expected, "What? D'you want to get married or something?"

Actor!Gojo, who regrets the sentence as soon as it escapes his lips. He swallows thickly and attempts to organize the right words for a proper apology. You stare blankly at him for a moment, and before Gojo can say anything, you nod. "Yeah. It's been a dream of mine to, actually..."

Actor!Gojo, who thinks his coffee tastes much bitter than usual, silently nods after a moment of awkward silence. You open your mouth first to try and cut it through, but he beats you to it. "I'm sure I could re-arrange some stuff in the schedule so you can get out there and meet someone. There's no need to quit." He ignores the weird pang in his chest the moment he says "someone."

Actor!Gojo, who frowns when you shake your head. You explain it would still be hard, as he'd remain your first priority despite it all. You mention that you've already submitted your resignation letter to his agency three weeks ago and that it's been processed, that it'll be your last two weeks as you being his manager and that you'll be saying goodbye to what had been nearly a decade of companionship with the celebrity.

Actor!Gojo, who flinches as the doorbell rings and watches miserably as you fetch the person at the door. She's a young girl, around the age when you first started as his manager, with choppy bangs and long blue hair, along with a bright and ready smile. You introduce her as his to-be manager, but Gojo can't shake off the thought of being greeted by her face in the morning and seeing her face as the last thing he sees before he goes to sleep instead of yours.

Actor!Gojo, who thinks this week is going much too fast for his liking. Despite essentially begging for the director of his latest TV show to give him some extra scenes to shoot, he was excused early with the rest of the crew after all the required scenes were shot nicely. Somehow, the brand deal commercial and meeting flew by much faster than usual, too. But despite it all, Gojo couldn't help his eyes constantly flickering to your figure whenever you were in his field of vision, even receiving multiple warnings from the director from the commercial to stop getting distracted.

Actor!Gojo, who finds his gaze lingering on a rather old picture of you and him, along with some blurry figures in the background. Nine years younger, both of you, with outdated fashion and makeup. He remembers you were just shy of being his manager for four months, when he was still trying to break out of the shell of being a nepotism baby and attempting to create a name for himself. Gojo prided himself on his independence, but he'd be fooling himself if he didn't give a hefty amount of credit of his success to you. After all, you were the one that was in charge of his many brand deals and were the one that landed him roles that granted him film awards.

Actor!Gojo, who can't find the right words to say during the drives home, hating how the air is always thick whenever you were alone with him. He doesn't think he can get used to not pulling up to your apartment when the night comes to an end before going to his, despite your affirmations that him and Miwa would get along great. He murmurs a good night to you, not facing you despite watching your reflection intently in the window, but before you wish him a good evening, you say something that forces him to face you.

"I have... a dinner reservation with someone at 6:30 p.m., so I'll be leaving early tomorrow."

Gojo blinks. "Is that implying you have a date?"

"I..." you swallow anticipatingly. "I suppose you could say that."

Actor!Gojo, who feels the familiar pang of his chest as the thought of someone else sharing a dinner with you, something you've been doing with him since the very beginning of his career. He can't even imagine a person, only some sort of foggy figure sitting across from you, sharing a shabby meal. He can tell you're waiting a response from him before you head into your apartment, and he wryly says, "That's great... Hope you have a good time or whatever..." before commanding the driver to drive off, not even waiting for another word from you.

Actor!Gojo, who drums his fingers with great boredom against the door's handle, fighting off the nuisance that was the city's insane traffic this evening. When he gazes out the window to find some other distraction other than his phone, however, he instantly finds himself drawn to a familiar figure being seated at the window a few stories up in the restaurant his car was stuck in front of. You're up there, dressed regally for another, giggling with them at something they said (something stupid, Gojo thinks to himself). Teeth grit against themselves when they feed you a small portion of their food with their fork, the indirect kiss making his eyes narrow.

Actor!Gojo, whose spontaneous anger suddenly dispels when he repeats your words from earlier that week.

"What? D'you want to get married or something?"

"Yeah. It's been a dream of mine to, actually..."

Gojo suddenly pauses and goes still for a while, thinking over something incredulous. He blinks repeatedly, before a grin etches on his face as his plan settles into his consciousness. Gojo may not give you anything you desire if you're just his mere manager...

... but if he were your husband, then that meant your dream would be fulfilled and you could stay at his side for what was essentially the rest of his life and give you anything you wanted. He'd never have to fret about you leaving his life ever again.

Satoru Gojo, you absolute Einstein... he compliments himself proudly in his mind. Letting out a confident huff as the car begins to drive on, he tells the driver to head on over to the nearest jewelry store before heading home.

a/n: hi sorry it's been a while! i was finishing up a semester at uni, so forgive my absence with this little weird hybrid ficlet of mine featuring the one and only

i hope you enjoyed and thank you for taking time out of your day to enjoy my writing! likes/comments/reblogs are always noticed and are always appreciated (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ !!!

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojou satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo x you #satoru x reader #gojo fluff #gojo smut #jjk fluff #jjk angst #geto suguru x reader #nanami x reader #drabbles #headcanons #jjk fanfic

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tadc-harlequin-au · 13 hours

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New Puppet Unlocked: Caine, The Puppetmaster!

Caine's character description:

For the longest time, Caine believed that he was the only Puppet left who hasn't gone insane, and has spent living in near complete and total isolation for it (if it weren't for Bubble, his robotic Butler Blimp), drowning himself in booze. That was, until Pomni suddenly arrived at his office out of nowhere and challenged him.

Her sudden appearance, her fierceness in battle and various other reasons, Caine sought to get Pomni to see the dire situation after a stalemate in their duel; That they're the last remnants of sane minds remaining in this forsaken lands and he needs her help for what must be done next, if they are to improve the world's conditions. Thankfully, the Harlequin was not actually cold-hearted, just hot-tempered.

Reinvigorated in his self-assigned purpose, The Puppetmaster now spends his time either indoctrinating reawakened Puppets and teaching them how to become "human" once more, tinkering/inventing new machines, having friendly debates or sparring with Pomni just to satisfy her urge to battle, and various other things.

Though, he still likes to drink.

Fun facts about Caine:

He is a massive drunkard.

He passes out in the most random places if he drinks too much. One of the most outrageous locations Pomni has found him in was at the chandelier on the main lounge, which even he can't remember how he got there.

Caine still acts boisterous and speaks mostly formally; though there are ways you can break his way of speech, the easiest way to do it is to surprise him.

He avoids using swears, says it's a gentleman's code. Though, some get past his mouth on a rare occasion.

He created Bubble out of loneliness, initially just wanting someone to talk to.

In a comedic parallel, he tends to limit Pomni's cravings for battle by holding her sword hostage as much as possible, of course to the Harlequin's frustration.

His second gold tooth on his bottom jaw was a result of his and Pomni's first meeting/duel. She ended up punching him so hard in her rage, one teeth cracked in half and flew off.

He tends to look at everyone with a positive mindset and the want to see the best in them; although Jax seems to be a rare exception. Still, he lets the automaton be.

Most of his time is spent hanging around in his office. The only time you'll see him outside is if there's a task he needs to attend to, assembling Pomni back together in the cellar, another sparring match with the Harlequin, or when he talks to Z and/or Kingr, since they are both too big for the insides of the mansion.

Like almost every ADHD-person, he is prone to getting distracted easily.

He has a strict "no fighting in the premises" rule; instead, he tells them to literally take it outside (even if it means being on the neighboring lawn), as long as it's not on the INSIDE.

He keeps his shirt opened because he feels discomfort and suffocated when he buttons it up.

He doesn't like to talk about his past.

When asked what's his classification, he'll avoid and switch topics. His rare anger (but eerily-calm way of speech) comes out when you ask about it too much.

He does admit that his entire body was self-modified.

You can hear his arrival in a scene by the sounds of ball joints slightly cracking in place.

Aside from Pomni, he likes Kingr the most, finding the chess piece's presence calming. This has lead to jokes about a bromance happening between the two.

And just like Pomni as well, Caine fixes Kingr the most because the Helpful King tends to use himself as a shield for the Harlequin.

He's rarely seen without his cane.

He HEAVILY dislikes it when Pomni dies. When he is aware that Pomni is at the brink of death, he'll start panicking and telling her to go back and abandon the mission for now, through Bubble.

Quotes:

"Greetings! I am Caine, and I am here to help you. That's all you need to know."

"I think we can arrange that."

"This is not part of the plan!"

"No fighting! Take it outside."

"Perhaps we can reach to a sort of agreement..."

"Hmm... quite intriguing."

"Why, I must say, this is quite the predicament..."

"Will you be mindful of your own sake next time, pretty please?"

"... I don't-... think that's how-... you know what, do whatever you want."

"... Okay, you don't need to go that far."

"You know what this calls for? [...] A CELEBRATION! [...] BUBBLE, TO THE LIQUOR STORAGE"

"You know, I haven't really thought this through enough--"

"BUBBLE! Did you chew through my latest project again?!"

"Oy vey..."

"I am aware of the effect that alcohol has on me. And quite frankly, I don't care."

"Strange, where am I? Who am I? What are we, but mass-produced products catered to extending one's stay on a desolate, abandoned realm? Are we even human anymore, or are we machines that think we're human in order to save ourselves from the pain of a fake existence? Hm? Oh right, I haven't eaten my dinner."

"Must we really resort to this method?"

"Oh, I just fixed that!"

"Apologies, I blanked out for a second. What were we talking about?"

"Bubble here can help you out on your dilemma. Just don't listen to him for any advices. Personally, I think sometimes he can make you jump off a cliff."

"What do you mean "I need to stop drinking"? I'm perfectly fi- *passes out*"

"Am I aware that it is an unhealthy coping mechanism? Yes. Do I plan to stop? Not exactly, there aren't a lot of options left."

"That is outrageous! Me? With her? That's... It's... *sigh* I can't. She'd never."

"May I just say, for once, what the actual fuck."

#tadc #tadc au #harlequin au #tadc harlequin au #the amazing digital circus #caine #tadc caine #art #character description #Puppet!Caine #Puppetmaster!Caine

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babyangelsky · 2 days

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I'm gonna let my crazy show for a second

I need to talk about how fucking beautiful Fort looked this episode and why, because it's not like I just woke up today and noticed how stupidly attractive he is for the first time ever, I already knew that.

This production is making choices that I really, really fucking appreciate. The most immediately noticeable of which is that they didn't whitewash him at ALL which just makes me so indescribably happy. It's all beautiful golden skin all the time and it's fucking amazing.

But it's not just that they didn't whitewash him, look at his cheek. You can see his skin texture. And it's not just a one-off because he and Peat were gonna play in the ocean later in the scene and the makeup people didn't wanna apply makeup just so it could get washed off by the saltwater.

You can see it here too when he and Peat are back inside. You could use the excuse of "oh well he's meant to be freshly showered so it makes sense that he doesn't have a lot of makeup on". And to that I say, when has that ever stopped a production from caking makeup on their "freshly showered" characters? Half the time their hair isn't even wet when they're meant to be drying it.

Beyond being vastly appreciated by me, the fact that we can see skin texture is also an excellent character detail, and it's deliberate. It wouldn't make any sense for a person who spends their whole day outside sweating and getting in the ocean to look perfectly airbrushed all the time.

It makes sense for someone who spends their whole day inside working on their computer to look airbrushed though, which Peat does. Especially in the first episode when he arrives on the island.

But you know what?

You can see Peat's skin texture too. They put more makeup on him than they do Fort but they don't cake it on. I cannot even TELL you how happy that makes me.

But this...this is what I really wanna talk about.

Do you see them?

DO YOU SEE THEM? DO YOU SEE THE BEAUTIFUL NORMAL STRETCH MARKS ON THIS MAN'S SHOULDER AND CHEST? DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING IT IS THAT WE CAN SEE THEM, THAT THEY DIDN'T EDIT THEM OUT IN POST OR SLAP MAKEUP ON THEM TO HIDE THEM?

*pauses to get myself together*

Listen I am someone who notices every single little mole, freckle, and birthmark that someone has because I think they're beautiful. It's probably concerning how often I notice them and how happy it makes me when I do. And it really makes me angry that these completely normal parts of someone's skin are seen as imperfections or only desirable when they're a certain size or on a certain part of their body. And you know what else always gets labeled as an imperfection? As something that has to be hidden?

Stretch marks.

Every single human being alive has stretch marks because every single human being alive has skin but for some reason, people are made to feel ashamed of them. They're made to feel like stretch marks are these unsightly things that they only have for x, y, or z reason.

Our skin stretches as we grow! Of course we all have stretch marks! All of us! Even the fittest, most shredded person you can think of has stretch marks! They aren't a consequence of your weight or how much muscle you have, they're part of having a body! They're NORMAL.

Do you understand how big a deal it is that we can see Fort's? That we can see every aspect of his skin, including and especially its actual fucking tone? This man--I just--just--

I WANT TO EAT HIM WITH A SPOON

I love that they didn't make him get shredded for this role I love how beefy he looks I love that he looks like a real person I love that you can see his shirt tan I love his fucking stretch marks I love the mole on his chest and the one on the back of his upper arm and the ones on his face I love love love love love!!!

Alexa, play "Piel Morena" by Thalia

#THIS MAN IS MAKING ME LOSE MY WHOLE MIND AND I'M MAKING IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM #fort thitipong #love sea #love sea the series

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cvnt4him · 1 day

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Reader who got hit w a bunny quirk during a mission w izu please smuttt I love yew💋

I love you too bbg💕

This is actually like a great idea and I had the EXACT same one except izuku was the bunny. Yeah this one is way fucking better.

"don't be amused, it's just the news! This just in; we have more details about pro heros deku and y/n's fight with the new and upcoming villain; sphinx. A local has given us amateur footage of y/n getting blasted with sphinx's quirk! They have the ability to turn others and themselves into animals! Y/n has been out of the hero scene for a while, as far as we know with the information her close friend and partner deku has given us, she's going to be out of hero work for a while, they haven't found a cure or much of a loophole with sphinx's quirk. Next in a cat stuck in a tre---"

You shut the TV off with a groan of annoyance. Why hadn't this gone away yet? You've been like this for a week. A long, miserable, insufferable, week. You weren't alone, even if you wanted to be, izuku wouldn't let you. He felt guilty, he felt as if you were like this because of him. During your fight together he pushed you out of the way when a flying car had come your way, you'd known nothing about the villain upon fighting them. Izuku however, knew everything about the villain, he pulled his mask up before the fight even began.

Izuku always got in a certain head space when fighting whether it be a measly robber, or a very experienced and high tech villain. He always made sure he was ready and that morning could take him out of this state. He just wishes he had warned you beforehand of what the villain was capable of.

You look at your reflection in the black TV screen with a frown. You hated the way you looked. Two fluffy bunny ears standing tall before falling to either side of your face. Izuku walks into your room going completely unnoticed, he spoke and sat down your cup of water but his words falling into deaf ears.

"y/n...?"

His voice nothing above a whisper, sitting beside you while patting your head lightly. People always shipped you two due to the way he treated you, don't get me wrong hes nice to everyone regardless of who they are or where they come from. People just liked to do stupid shit in their free time so you never really took it to heart, mostly because izuku always avoided and shut down all questions that surfaced about you two during interviews. Saying he only saw you as a friend.

You turn to him slowly your sad eyes staring up at him. He sighs while giving you a sad look back, putting your foreheads together. He hadn't left your side at all besides when he and to work, but he made sure to come right back to your apartment to assure that you were alright. It's not like you were sick or anything because you weren't. You could walk, talk, shower, cook, and do everything just fine, but he insisted you do nothing he felt far too guilty to even allow you to lift a finger. He once apologized for you telling him you thought about cooking on your own.

He whispers an "I'm sorry" while your heads are together, you simply chuckle and try to smile. Your quirk had been disabled due to being transformed. There's always a loophole in quirks so why hasn't anyone found one for sphinx's quirk? It was weighing on you far too heavily for either of your liking. Izukus heart ached for you to get better, he hated seeing you like this, all sad and unable to do anything for yourself. You can but for some odd reason he thinks you can't do you just let him take care of you.

Izuku pulls away, putting his fingers in your hair and scratching your scalp, the soothing motion making you sigh and lay your head on his shoulder. He hums with a smile that didn't meet his eyes, he grabs the remote from you and puts on a movie, grabbing your cup of water to ensure that you are hydrated.

You both had fallen asleep on each other, his head on top of yours while you laid on his shoulder. You got up and stretched making him get more comfortable and turn his head to lay on a pillow beside him. You looked at him closely, admiring each and every freckle that littered his cheeks and slightly down his neck his chest moving up and down in a smooth rhythm. He looked so peaceful not having to worry and feel guilty for your current state. Your body moved on it's own, one of your hands moving to his chest rubbing up and down his body. He was very toned, you knew this you could practically see it through his new skin tight suit. It hugged his body deliciously.

You couldn't take your eyes off of him, his shirt was slightly raised and scrunched up ending just above his v line, the way it looked like it was sculpted by gods. He looked like a Greek god himself. His body was fucking hot.

Your tail wiggled and twitched against the bed light noise coming from the way it moved. You bit your lip lightly while looking down where his shorts hugged his waist. Your eyes kept trailing down his figure landing on where a tent in his shorts sat. He was completely flaccid yet his thick cock made a very visible print. Fuck this was really turning you on, he was completely unconscious and unaware of how you were fucking him with your eyes. Your hand moved down to his dick print and gently rubbed over it making him take a deep breath and breathe out slowly, you noticed this and continued your movements while staring at his face, a pink hue forming onto his baby-like cheeks.

You watched as he gulped and turned his head in your direction with a breathy and quick sigh, he was getting bothered by how you teased his semi erect cock. His brows slightly furrowed while you stopped your hands movements completely, his cock twitched against your hand making your eyes shoot down to his cock, seeing it fully erect and leaking slightly against his thin shorts. God this was such a sight, it was so fucking hot and lewd, you felt guilty for getting him all hot and bothered but seeing the way his cock twitched and bobbed up and down for your touch was hypnotizing.

Without thinking you hopped onto his lap you weight sitting on top of him making him shift under you, that was almost enough to snap you out of whatever trance he put you in but the way he put his hands on your thighs and rubbed them out you right back into the daze you never got out of.

Your tail wiggled against his thigh as you slowly grind into him, rubbing your clothes pussy against his clothed cock in a slow yet rough manner. a moan accidentally slipped out of your mouth when his cock rubbed against your clit in the best way.

You panted lightly as the grind of your hips started to quicken in pace, you dug your hips down into his to feel his cock press against you. A noise left his throat as he gripped your waist tightly, his grasp bruising your skin while pushing you down more into him. You didn't think about the fact that he might've woken up due to your moans and the way you moved helplessly on top of him. He rubbed his cock up into you to feel that light friction that had him dizzy.

You grabbed onto his shoulders and rode him like you were actually riding his cock. The thought alone of actually getting to ride his cock getting you to that building release. He moaned deeply before his eyes slightly opened and peered up at you, you were too busy in your own haze to acknowledge the way he looked at you, your fucked out face contorting in such a pretty way.

He couldn't believe you were using him while he was asleep, riding his clothed cock for all that it's worth. He bit his lip and flipped the both of you, a scream ripping right out of you as you look up at him with wide scared eyes. He could only look down at you with lust filled ones. His emerald orbs looking at every feature that painted your body, the way your thighs looked more plump because of your shorts. Your boobs spilling out the top of your tank top. You looked so good and the way you looked at him with those scree and glossy eyes went straight to his aching cock. He was so ready to split you in half on his thick cock, he knew you'd have a struggle but it'd be worth it just to be inside of you. He'd wait as long as he'd have to just to feel your pussy squeeze around his cock.

No words were said as he went in to kiss you, lightly pressing his dry but soft lips against yours. A moan left you as your tail wiggled underneath you, you were so horny and you could feel the way it ate you alive from the inside out, you were so close to crying from how much it burned inside of you.

"please.. please fuck me, I need it."

You whispered up to him with a raspy voice, whining as your eyes moved down to his cock, it looked like it was going to burst out of his shorts with the way it stood up proudly.

He smirked at you with lidded eyes while he kissed you neck, you closed your eyes and fell into the soft kisses being planted on your sensitive neck, he moved his kisses up to your bunny ears blowing on them lighting, the soft feeling of it all making your pussy throb and a whimper leave you lips.

He chuckled lowly to himself as he flipped you over into your stomach. He pressed his chest and his hard cock against your ass cheek as he whispered in your ear.

"using me while I sleep? naughty thing. poor bunny, must need it badly, hm?"

You nodded your head aggressively while rubbing your ass against his hard on, earning a low groan from the muscular man above you.his weight on you felt so good and it wasn't even sexual at all.

He slipped your shorts and underwear down in one swift move, he pulled his own down as he teased your dripping hole, slipping his engorged cock head in and out of your lips. Your eyes roll as you lift your ass in the air and wiggle against his cock. he's surprised by this, a chuckle leaving him while he pulls you back by your ears, a squeak leaving you while he slaps your ass.

"you're so fucking needy huh? this sopping wet cunny of yours dripping around my cock, hm?"

You nod again, not being able to speak due to your throat getting rather dry. He hums and slips his cock in halfway before taking it out quickly, this went on for about 5 minutes, the torture was so funny to him yet painful for you. You felt as if you were going to die, the heat forming inside of you burned badly. You needed release, finally being def up with his teasing, the second he tried to do it again you slammed your ass back onto him taking his cock fully, a choked moan leaving his pink lips.

He groaned loudly while lying his head on your shoulder with a smile, he was out of breath from you taking his cock fully. He chuckled against your skin while kissing it, he bit harshly on the skin of your shoulder making you scream while he thrusted vigorously into your soaked pussy, the squelching noises clouding his mind while he moaned into your ear and grabbed onto your bunny ears. The sensitive muscle being pulled painfully hard went straight to your throbbing cunt, the way he slammed his hips into you and hit that spot repeatedly was just enough to make you cum, but he knew you were going to by the way you started squeezing his cock for all he was worth, milking him and slicking his cock up with your fluid.

“A-Agh fuck don’t stop- don’t fuckin stop.”

You command him while throwing your ass back, you were feeling too good you felt as if you weren't even in control, the way your body moved lewdly against him was inhumane and unlike you. You'd never felt the need to be near someone like this, like you yearned for his very touch, for him to cum inside of you. Oh. God that sounded so good, the thought of his warm thick cum spilling and spreading inside of you made you squeeze around his cock even more.

Just when you felt as if you were going to cum you felt the need leave. He had pulled out of your cunt with a groan, his cock twitched from the cold ajr hitting the leaky tip. He looked down at your pussy squeezing around nothing, god you were so fucking needy and that made him go feral. He could practically smell the delicious scent you released. Your tail twitched fastly, catching his attention. He had asked you before questions about your body and if anything felt different, he hadn't asked about your tails however, he was curious if it was sensitive. Out of pure curiosity he pushed his thick cock back inside of you, and yanked at your tails, his tight grip on your ears never leaving.

He used them to bring you back more into him. You let out a high pitched moan as your arms gave out, your body felt like it was on fire, throwing your ass back against him while your thighs burned from the work.

“fu— m'cum— cumming!!“

You couldn't control it, it just ripped out of you. The feeling was far too strong to hold back or even pretend not to acknowledge you groaned while sobbing, tears falling from your face due to the extra stimulation. He cooed in your ear, coaxing you through your orgasm while never letting you in the way he fiddled with your tail, his other hand leaving your floppy ears to go to your clit, rubbing it slowly while speeding up his hips.

"nngh~ izu— Izu-"

You couldn't speak from the immense pleasure, it began to hurt due to overstimulation. You sobbed and hiccupped against the pillows as he drilled his cock into you, he groaned and grunted behind you moans leaving his lips as well.

"shit...- fuck— god dammit, u/n I'm gonna cu- cum again.. shit take it, fucking take it all.."

Again?! He'd already came?? Maybe that's why you thought about his warm cum spreading and claiming every spot inside of you. Because he already did.

You couldn't move or even speak, the way he bucked his hips into yours, stuttering and rhythm becoming uneven. He threw his head back with a moan as he came again, tears welling at the corner of his eyes. He felt so good, your fluttering walks squeezing and convulsing around his soft turning cock.

He collapsed beside you without a word. His eyes closed as he tried to steady his breaths, he hasn't felt this good in so long, it's been a while since he'd last been with anyone. He took pride in his job, he'd wanted to be a hero since he was a kid, however it did take him away from a lot of things, including interacting with people and making new friends.

He needed this and he's glad you gave It to him. He turned to check on you to see you had already passed out, he rubbed your back lightly making you shiver underneath his touch. He got up to assure you were alright, making sure you water was refilled and that you could be clean, he grabbed a warm damp towel to clean you but before he did he got a good look at the two loads that were fucked into you, slowly oozing from your still convulsing lips. Fuck this was a sight to see, he was afraid he'd never get to see it again. He hates what he did but, he had to save this moment forever! A picture to remember this morning by! After all, you won't be a bunny forever.

AN: this was very fun to write actually, I've recently been in a chokehold w top!izuku there's something ab him being mean or js taking care of me that gets to me.

Dividers by @anitalenia

#cvnts-post #mha #mha x reader #deku x reader #izuku x reader #boku no hero academia #izuku is so girlie pop #cvnts-reqs #deku smut #izuku midoriya smut #izuku smut #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya #mha izuku #midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #deku x reader smut #deku

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vampire-exgirlfriend · 16 hours

Text

Can we please talk about the insanity surrounding the discourse around Aemond and the brothel madame? She is not his abuser. She is a survival sex worker who was absolutely not in any position to deny Aegon when he took Aemond to her establishment for the first time when they were 12 and 15, respectively. This woman is a victim of this society in the way that all women were, except that it’s amplified ten-fold because of her profession and her status as one of the small folk.

She’s not a predator. She’s not prowling the streets for young virgins to deflower. And it seems like this takes just reeks of ageism in a lot of ways. A member of the royal family, the potential heir, if talk was to be believed, came to her establishment with a purse full of coin. It’s transactional, yes, but are we really going to act like she, or anyone who worked there, really had the option of telling Aegon no? Would it have been less awful if Aemond was essentially forced by a family member to lose his virginity to someone that you personally found more in line with your beauty or age standards? Because that is what is comes down to. Aemond didn't want to fucking be there, Aegon thinks he's getting cool big brother points via psycho-sexual trauma, and whoever ended up in that room would have been a tool in that trauma. Would it be easier to stomach if that woman wasn't clearly older? If you found her more attractive?

And in the scene in s2 e2, it’s not her infantilizing Aemond. This is what he’s paying for! This is what he wants! This is the kink that he’s choosing to play into, and she’s doing her job and securing her safety and leaning into the protection that being a favorite of a royal man offers, however tenuous that may be. How are we supposed to fault her for doing her job? For taking her own safety and standing seriously in the face of royal patrons? We’ve seen time and again in this universe what happens to women who deny those same whims. Do we just expect her to fall on some sort of moral sword that wouldn’t have even existed then?

Like this kink of Aemond’s isn’t for everyone. You don’t have to like it, it doesn’t have to be your thing. And I get the feeling it’s unraveling a lot of head canons that have popped up over the last two years of waiting, which is why people are getting so weird over it. But to just paint this woman attempting to survive with the brush of a sexual predator is really gross. She didn’t seek him out, Aegon brought him to her, and we know from Viserys screaming at Daemon in s1 e4 that this is probably a common practice within that fucky ass family. One of the major points of this story is that the small folk have no protection, no standing, no recourse. How could she have denied them? It’s explicitly stated when Mysaria is talking to Rhaenyra that people like her, like the madame, have absolutely no protections. And that’s not even taking into account the public hanging of the rat catchers. This is what happens when royals and those in power are angry - the small folk are fodder for their power trip. This is what the entire episode was about.

You can have your icks (though I’d encourage you to ask yourself why her age and profession bother you so much), but to say the person that yucks your yum is an abuser and a predator is just way out of pocket in this scenario.

#house of the dragon #hotd #hotd spoilers #hotd meta #aemond targaryen

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charliemwrites · 20 hours

Text

Part 11!!

Sorry this took so long (and that it’s a bit short) I have trouble with scene switching sometimes, and it makes me cut up the story into pieces.

No Content Warnings For This Chapter

Somewhere between your pride and the numbing passage of time lies the way you really feel about the 141. It's undeniable that you're still deeply hurt by what transpired; a chronic ache like a mended bone, only noticeable in the cold, or when you sleep on it wrong. For them, it was easy to reach inside your chest to extract your heart, sternum soft and malleable. It was harder with SpecGru, the bone grew back harder, thicker. You had to crack your ribs open and scraped the chambers on bone shards, but at least they stopped the bleeding.

You don’t miss the 141, not really. It wasn’t just those final, brutal days spent lying alone in a hospital bed that filled those transfer papers. The culprit had been the time that isolation had afforded, to think more deeply, to analyze your position through a less-optimistic lense. Those last conversations had just been your signature on the line.

You don’t blame the gun for firing, you blame whoever pulled the trigger.

Bitterness seeps onto your tongue sometimes. Masochistically, you let it linger. It has no purpose but to raise your hackles and press on that knitted spot until it bruises. It’s your pride, that’s all, lamenting the blood you chose to spill in sacrifice only to have it wasted.

The present is a much sweeter wash for the taste of the past, sticking to your lips and curling your tongue. Honey-balm for resentment, syrup cutting through salt. You focus on the flavor as you stride into the briefing room.

Your captain is already there, a sly smirk for the flush to your faces as Nova follows you in. He’s speaking to Laswell, arms crossed but shoulders relaxed.

Nikto is leaned up against the wall, a shadow without anyone to cast it. He comes to you and Nova as you take seats, angled to face the only exit. He knee presses to yours as you settle in, eyes flicking around.

Nostalgia is a complicated tide rising and ebbing around your ankles. Memories of your time with the 141 in this very room, planning and strategizing, learning where to support your teammates and where they would support you. Jokes made with Soap and Gaz, loaded glances between you and Ghost, a reassuring nod or shoulder squeeze from Price.

That, you think, is where the ache is. Not in missing those moments; you have them with SpecGru now, and without that lingering sense that you don’t quite belong. But in those rose-tinted relationships you’ll never get back (and know you don’t really want again.)

It was never as good as it is with your team now; they were still the team you thought you belonged with. You’ve learned better since but that doesn’t appease the naive 141 operative that put everything into those four.

Your captain has taken the seat you used to have, and he belongs there, a buffer between his team and theirs. You press your thumb to one of the bruises he left on your thigh and settle in.

“Sunshine,” Keegan greets, brushing his knuckles over Nova’s cheek. “Sweets.”

You tilt your chin welcomingly as he nuzzles his nose against your temple, fabric of his mask itching along your jaw.

“Smell good,” he rumbles, low. Just for you and Nova.

“That’s what happens when you shower,” you answer, playing dismissive.

“You should try it sometime,” Nova adds, smirking.

“Only if you join me,” Keegan coos, drawing a spare chair up close. For as tough and distant as he is towards others, he’s long opened his ribs for you and the rest of SpecGru to crawl inside. You admire it now for as much as you distrusted it then.

“Too late,” you say, sharing a look with Nova, “already helped her wash up for the day.”

She whacks you in the knee, startling a laugh out of you. Keegan scoffs, throwing an arm across the back of your chair.

“Nothin’ says we can’t take another,” he drawls, “if I get you dirty enough.”

Beside you, Nikto snorts. Keegan shoots him a teasing look, arching his eyebrows invitingly. The captain is watching, as always, pride and affection smoldering in coal-dark eyes.

And you’re right where you’re meant to be. With them, always with them.

At the front of the room, Laswell politely clears her throat. All eyes turn to her - though you only just notice that the 141 has filed in, perched on the other end of the briefing table, a collective storm cloud.

Laswell kicks off the meeting with a recap of the ongoing mission - basics that all of you read in the docket before shipping out. It’s a big operation, delicate due to hostages. The 141 needed manpower with comparable skills; enter SpecGru.

“One of our best specialists has patched in to explain the parameters in greater detail.”

The big screen at the front of the room lights up. A familiar puff of curly blond hair and green eyes blink into view.

“Gooooood mornin’! Or is it evening? Either way, I hope it’s good.”

Your captain lets out a long breath, trying (and mostly failing) to hide his amusement.

“This is Duke,” Laswell says for the 141’s benefit. “She’s one of our best technicians. I put her on this assignment when I reached out to SoecGru.”

“And you should be glad she did!” Duke chimes in. Her tongue flashes blue as she speaks, and it’s not just the light of the computers surrounding her. Her love of raspberry candies is practically a calling card. “They’re actually pretty decent at keeping communications to a minimum, but porn bots always get ‘em.”

The captain sighs, running a hand down his face. Nova pats his arm sympathetically. Poor guy.

“Anyway! I have their plans for the hostages all drawn up - check this out.”

One loud click of her mouse and the screen flicks to a map with colored circles and wiggly lines. Locations and routes, with little time stamps above each.

“They plan on taking the hostages in waves. If one transport goes down going in or out, they can cut their losses. Lucky for us, they’re super dumb, so I’ve found a 12 minute window where all their teams are out in the open.”

Another image, the transport routes now sporting little icons of angry faces with their tongues sticking out. They're all at various distances along their colored paths, but none of them have made it to whatever the destination is.

“If they’re hit all at once, no group will have time to warn the others,” Duke explains. “Hostages safe, bad guys caught, we all go home and pet our dogs.”

She babbles through the rest of the plan in that controlled chaos way she has, concise and insightful around a casual tone more fitting a high school presentation. The building where the hostages will be taken, every route, down to the vehicles and guns the terrorists will have.

Eventually, she runs out of pertinent information, there are no questions because she’s covered just about everything short of the humidity. Her face pops up on screen again, eyes always a bit glassy from staring at screens too long without blinking. “Lastly, don’t get shot, or I’m telling ma.”

Your captain huffs, that grin finally cracking across his solemn face.

“Do that ‘n I’ll tell her you drop f-bombs like it’s your job,” he replies.

Her mouth drops open in outrage. “It is my job!”

“Yeah? How about that stipend, huh? How much’a that ‘s going to your candy habit?”

Duke’s face flushes, but she’s got that wide smile beamed up to eleven. “Your girlfriend likes me better,” she sing-songs.

He snorts. “Which one?”

“Both,” you and Nova answer at the same time.

Her eyes narrow smugly before she signs off with a little finger wave and a “toodaloo!”

“Your sister, I take it?” Price drawls in the characteristic silence of Duke’s absence.

Your captain shoots him a sideways look. “What, you can’t see the resemblance?” he replies, dry as desert.

You cough into your arm to hide your giggles but Nova isn’t nearly as polite.

As you’re filing out with the rest of the team, you’re surprised that there aren’t calls from your former team. No overtures to justify themselves or half-assed apologies that still somehow make it sound like everything was your fault. You’re almost tempted to check over your shoulder, but you won’t give them the satisfaction of seeming interested. You just don’t trust the sudden silence, even if the captain alluded that there’s some sort of ceasefire in place. You’ve never known the 141 to bend knee to anyone but their own.

A glance at your captain and he’s noticed it too, satisfaction flicking across his face before he catches your eye. He jerks his head. You follow him back to his room, leaning your shoulder in the doorway as he loosens his belt.

“Talked to Price,” he begins.

You arch your brows. “And?”

He blows out a sigh, hands on his hips. “And he wants to talk to you. Him and the rest of the team.”

You groan. “About what?”

He shrugs. “Hell if I know, it wasn’t exactly circle time, doll.”

You roll your eyes. Those useless, cryptic…

“Hey.”

You blink, face going hot when you see the stern look on your captain’s face. Whoops.

“Sorry, sir,” you say. “That wasn’t meant to be at you, I’m just so fucking… ugh.”

“Look, I got ‘em off your back during working hours, but anytime after is outta my hands.”

You puff up, annoyed all over again with the whole situation. It couldn’t be enough for them to ostracize you back then, or try to distract you on-duty now, derailing drills. No, they want your free time too.

“I’m not gonna tell you how to handle this, alright? But maybe getting some of this shit off your chest will do you some good. Let ‘em blow smoke, say whatever you gotta say, and put all this to rest.”

You deflate, giving him a weary scowl that does nothing to deter him from closing the distance. (Not that you wanted it to.)

“Isn’t that telling me what to do?” you mumble, letting your forehead thunk against his broad chest.

“Nah, if I was tellin’ you what to do, you’d be doin’ it,” he chuckles. “If you don’t want nothin’ to do with ‘em, you can spend every night in here for all I care. Up to you.”

You’re only putting up resistance because you know he’s right, it’s just not what you want. It’s easier and simpler to be pissed off and short-tempered with the 141. Safer, in a way.

But there’s no getting any safer, in any sense of the word. Worst thing any of them can say is something you already know, or something that isn’t true. You’ve got your own team for support regardless.

“I hate when you’re right,” you grump.

He smooths a hand through your hair. “If that were true, you’d hate me all the time.”

You nip him in retaliation; he tugs a lock of hair for the trouble.

This is home, you think. Your captain. Nova, Nikto, Keegan. Doesn’t matter where in the world you are, they’re your present and your future. Knowing that, the pain and uncertainty of the past are just ghosts. It’s time to put them to rest like one.

First | Previous | TBC…

Masterlist

#cod #my writing #fanfiction #reader fic #specgru reader #former 141 reader #nikto cod #nova cod #captain daddy #castle ‘daddy’ Alistair #rook ‘Duke’ Alistair #cod keegan #healthy polyamory

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cobaltperun · 3 days

Note

Hey, love your writing.

So I was thinking something about (Fem)R and Tara being exes. Reader studying for finals or sum and getting a call from Chad, Mindy doesn't matter, where they ask (practically beg) R to come take Tara cause she got drunk AF and kept talking about R. So R goes and takes care of her.

Something like that, you can make changes to the plot of course. And thank you.

One time too many

Tara Carpenter x Female Reader (Request)

Masterlist

Word count: 2.2k

It’s been three months since she messed up, since she made the biggest mistake ever, since she couldn’t control herself. Tara drunkenly glared at the bottle of vodka in her hand before taking a swing out of it. She already ruined everything, giving up on alcohol now wouldn’t change a damn thing.

“Tara, I think you had enough,” Mindy tried to take her bottle away, but she just pulled it closer, wrapping it in her hands and clutching on to it.

The smoke and smells all around her irritated her lungs, but she wanted to be normal, to be a healthy, not traumatized student that could maintain her relationships instead of ruining them. “I’m fine,” she slurred, taking another big swing and emptying the bottle. She looked at it, disappointed that there was none left.

Mindy groaned, stopping her before she could get up to get more alcohol. “Seriously, you drank the entire bottle alone. Would you stop if I got Y/N to come and get you?” she asked, as if that was possible.

You wouldn’t come. You and Tara haven’t spoken since you broke up, you made it clear the decision was final and Tara didn’t want to cause you even more pain.

“Sure, as if that’ll happen,” so, knowing you wouldn’t come she accepted Mindy’s deal. “I’ll go and try to find some tequila now.”

Mindy sighed and told Chad to go and keep an eye on her while she calls you. She was wasting her time, and your time as well.

~X~

You groaned, burying your face in your hands and leaning back on the chair. Notes and books and presentations open on your laptop were going to be the death of you tonight. It wasn’t usually like that, you usually did well, found these subjects easy, but tonight your brain just refused to cooperate. You dragged your palms down and looked outside the window, you knew the reason.

You broke up with Tara exactly three months ago and you were in a turmoil over it. How was she doing? Was she still drinking? Did she think about you as often as you thought about her? You hoped she didn’t. She deserved to be happy, to find someone who would love her and accept all of her. You missed her, so much it hurt. You still loved her, so much more than you expected you’d love anyone in your life, yet that love wasn’t enough to keep the seven months long relationship going.

You phone suddenly began buzzing and you figured you weren’t going to get any studying done anyway so you got up an went to your bed where you left your phone earlier. You noticed it was Mindy and raised an eyebrow. But more than confusion you felt fear, because of what happened to Tara two times already.

“Yes?” you asked, keeping the fear and worry at bay for now.

“Hey, Y/N, sorry if I’m interrupting, but would you mind picking Tara up. She might actually get an alcohol poisoning if she keeps drinking like this,” she said and you inhaled sharply. “I know you two broke up, but I don’t think anyone but you can get her out of here without making a scene.”

“Text me where she is,” you said, already tossing a jacket over your shoulder and grabbing your keys.

Mindy paused, as if she thought you wouldn’t agree, or that she’d need to try harder to convince you. “Thanks, Y/N,” she eventually said and hung up, and sure enough, she sent the location to you mere moments later.

When you broke up with Tara, you promised yourself that if she ever reached out to you for help, or if her friends or Sam did that for her, you’d be there, no matter what. You still loved her, you didn’t want her to get hurt, or to feel like she couldn’t turn to you. Maybe you should have told her that yourself, three months ago, but you feared that would make the breakup hurt even more.

You drove to the location Mindy sent to you and parked in front of some frat house or something. You took a deep breath and stepped outside of your car, ready for the smell of alcohol and smoke and whatnot. Tara had asthma, how she handled being in places like these was beyond you. You saw Mindy standing outside and waving toward you to get your attention. At least you wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time inside.

“Hey,” you greeted her and she smiled at you gratefully, she was a bit tipsy as well, but you were much more worried about Tara.

“Thanks, I think tonight might have something to do with your breakup. She’s been talking about you ever since she got tipsy,” she told you as she led you inside, through the crowds of students, dimly lit party filled with alcohol and even some drugs from the smell of it. You knew Tara wouldn’t do drugs though, she got drunk, she didn’t get high. Finally, you saw her, slightly slumped against the table as Chad tried to get her to stop. She truly wasn’t listening to anyone. Ever.

“Tara,” you spoke up and she straightened her back, her drunk eyes clearing up a bit as she saw you.

“Y/N?” she breathed out, as if she couldn’t believe she was seeing you.

“Come on, let’s leave,” you offered her your hand and smiled a bit as she took it immediately, and though she wasn’t steady on her feet she got up and stared at you.

You wanted to hug her, and you saw that was exactly what she wanted, but that might further complicate things, so, you just kept holding her hand and walking to the front doors with her right behind you. She didn’t complain one bit and you nodded at the twins. The fresh air felt so good now that you were out of that suffocating party, and you gently puled Tara along to your car, opening the back seat for her and stepping aside for her to get in.

She smiled a bit at you, that same slightly shy smile she had on her face the first time you opened the car doors for her, even before you started dating, while you were in friendship stage. You smiled back, going around the car and getting in, but before you left you quickly pulled your phone out and sent Sam a quick message.

You: I picked up Tara from a party, I’ll let her sleep at my place if that’s okay with you?

Sam replied almost immediately and once again you were reminded of how things used to be, only this time you were reminded of the worst part of the relationship.

Sam: Of course, thanks, Y/N

And she responded the way she used to, a bit out of habit. You didn’t keep in touch with Mindy or Chad, but you and Sam occasionally talked. She would catch you up on what was going on with the group, and more importantly on how Tara was doing, and you’d tell her about your life. Tara knew about it, Sam would tell her and so both of you understood that, at least on some level, you were both still okay.

“I’m sorry,” Tara slurred, leaning against the car window. “I reek of alcohol,” she did, she reeked of alcohol and smoke, and you did not like either of the smells, but you still just nodded and drove off to your apartment.

When you came home you gave Tara some of your clothes and she changed in your bedroom while you went back to your notes. She was too drunk to put up a fight and argue that she should sleep on the couch, and instead just fell asleep on your bed.

You tried to study, you really did, but Tara kept mumbling apologies and your name in her sleep, and you eventually just gave up and got up. Only then did you notice she didn’t even lie down properly, her feet hung off the bed and she was lying on it diagonally, too drunk to even handle that. So, with a heavy sigh you went and lifted her up so you could move her and make her feel as comfortable as possible. You tucked her in and left the medicine next to the bed for her and you just left her to sleep.

You dropped down on the couch, and sighed, all the emotions within you bubbling to the surface. Tara and you got along, you only fought about one thing. Tara’s drinking. Other than that it was an amazing relationship and you were, very much, in love.

But you couldn’t handle her drinking. You promised yourself that you could deal with most things, as long as the partner of your choice wasn’t abusive or a cheater. That you could talk most things out, that you had your own faults, and that everyone did, so some tolerance was necessary. But you couldn’t tolerate alcohol.

You grew up with alcoholic parents, and they got violent when drunk, and living with them for years, seeing their fights, seeing all of that made you hate alcohol more than anything. Tara wasn’t violent, far from it, she just got drunk, fell asleep and occasionally had to throw up. She didn’t have outbursts, or tried to pick fights. She had her own issues and drowned them in alcohol.

But your parents weren’t violent at the start either.

You repeatedly had that conversation with Tara, and no matter how often she promised it would be the last time, she still got drunk again. Until you just went and broke up with her. You tolerated it longer than you ever expected you would.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night.

~X~

She woke up in familiar environment. How many times did she wake up in your room? Too many to count, now that she thought about it. Some were perfect, after a night of hanging out, watching movies and making love. Some, as usual as the perfect ones, were filled with regret, because she got drunk again.

Tara knew what it felt like to have an alcoholic parent, though it was only her mother in her case, and yet here she was. Going down the same path. After Bailey tried to kill her, Sam and their friends she went to therapy, and soon after that she met you. She was suspicious as first but she felt comfortable around you, she felt free with you, and a few months later you got together.

And then therapy just stopped working. And though she knew everything, a stressful week was all it took for her to relapse into alcohol again. One drink after another, she got drunk and two months into your relationship she hurt you for the very first time. She still remembered the look in your eyes, the horror that no movie could cause. And she promised she wouldn’t do it again. Only to do it again, and again, and again, until you had enough.

And now, three months after your breakup, she was back here, after another drunk night. She hated herself for that. For every time she got drunk.

How many times did you try to help her? To support her through everything, to make it so that she didn’t need to drown her issues in alcohol, and she still did it. You were there for her, no matter what she needed. She had it all, she was happy, truly happy in a relationship for the first time in her life, and she threw it away.

It meant everything to her, and she threw it away as if it meant nothing.

She drank her medicine and went to the bathroom, only now noticing your clothes. She was so used to them while you were in a relationship. She loved wearing them, she felt warm in them, she felt safe. And then, when she came out and went to the living room she saw you, sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee in front of you. You probably didn’t sleep last night.

“Good morning,” you still smiled at her, that same loving smile she used to wake up to, only reminding her of what she lost.

“Good morning,” she replied, tears filling up her eyes. “I didn’t think you’d come and get me, I’m sorry you had to see that even now that we’re no longer together,” she said, she meant it, she truly did. “Why did you-“ her choked up slightly. “you didn’t have to,” she lowered her head and let the tears fall as you got up, went around the table and stopped in front of her, hugging her tightly and letting her cry. She didn’t deserve this, you being gentle and still there for her even after everything.

“I loved you, I still do, Tara,” you whispered, and thought you felt like that, though she loved you back, there were words neither of you spoke.

‘But you broke my trust one time too many.’

A/N: I did not think this would turn into angst! I swear! I did change a thing or two from the request, but I think it still fits.

#tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x female reader #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #scream #jenna ortega x reader #x reader #x female reader

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baby-yongbok · 14 hours

Text

Brainless Baby

Boyfriend!Felix x Afab!Reader x Best Friend!Hyunjin

♡ Genre - Explicit Sexual Content [MDNI]

♡ Word Count - 4k

♡ Summary - "You're the only guy to ever make me crawl"

♡ Warnings - Hyunlix action (mxm), Oral ( m & f rec.), Cum sharing, dom/sub dynamics (sub Hyunjin, Dom Felix & Reader) , unprotected sex, creampie [I think that's all] ♡ a/n - What's a plot? We don't know her. We just know the pure filth that is this fic. Would you believe me if I said that I haven't even seen the SKZ Code with that line that inspired this fic? I'm so behind. Anyway, Hope you enjoy! + reader is depicted as chubby/plus size and is a POC ♡ MDNI

✧ Masterlist ✧

You like to say that you’re the best friend that anyone can have and you think that Hyunjin would agree if you asked him. You’re the type of person who takes pride in helping a friend in need. Someone needs money? You’ll lend them some. One of your friends needs help moving? You’ll lend a hand. Your best friend is feeling stressed from work? You’ll invite him over to fuck you and your boyfriend. It’s simple.

Ever since you started inviting Hyunjin into your bedroom with your boyfriend, Felix, it’s been a rollercoaster ride. Since you and your partner are more of the kinky type each scene has been an adventure. It can range from simple planned out play to completely unpredictable. Even with you knowing all of that you never thought that you’d see something like this.

"You're the only guy to ever make me crawl." Hyunjin huffed with a smile as he looked up at the blonde smirking down at him. "You're just gonna let him do this to me, princess?"

He looks up at you with a playful glint in his eye. He doesn't hate this as much as he wants you to think he does but it's fun to play along.

"I don't know I kinda like you on your knees" You kneel to Hyunjin’s level, running your fingers through his hair before closing your fist around the locks and forcing his head back slowly. A groan escapes him.

"Doesn't he look pretty down there, angel?" Felix kneels down to your level so that he's face to face with Hyunjin. "You wanna get up?"

You expected Hyunjin to roll his eyes. You expected him to tell you both that he obviously wants to get up with that annoyed rasp to his voice but he doesn't. He whimpers instead, shaking his head to the best of his ability while he whispers to you both. "I don't "

"You wanna stay on your knees for us? Follow us around on all fours like a pet?" Felix coos, his condescending tone pulls a whine from Hyunjin's throat. The blonde takes his middle and pointer finger and places it under Hyunjin's chin. He tips his head up so that there's nowhere else to look but at him. "You wanna be a good boy for me today, Hyunjinnie?"

It’s seldom that Hyunjin lets his guard down like this. You and Felix have had this dynamic with him for close to a year now but he’s never taken on the submissive role like this. He’s more of the stubborn type, rolling his eyes and making you or Felix force him into submission but never fully going into the headspace. It’s always just enough to blow off some steam.

You know that Hyunjin leads a busy life, that’s why he comes to you two. He says that he likes to relinquish control after the long and hard days of doing what everyone else wants him to do. He likes to put a chunk of his trust into the hands of you and Felix but it’s never this much. He never hands it all over.

When he called you yesterday to set up today's meeting he mentioned something about not wanting to have to think anymore. He said that he just wants to exist and be told what to do, what to think, what to say. He said that he needed a break and that’s exactly what he’s getting.

“C’mere” Felix beckons the raven haired boy with two fingers as he walks three steps in front of him. You follow behind, trailing slowly as you watch Hyunjin follow the younger's orders. “Feeling brainless today, baby?”

Hyunjin shakes his head, no hesitation or thought to what he’s agreeing to at all. “That’s alright.” Felix’s accent is thick on his tongue as he stops walking, turning to the boy behind him with a sweet smile that contradicts all pending action.

“We’ll take care of you, won’t we angel?” He glances up at you with the same smile.

“Such good care of you. I promise, Hyune.” You pet his head and he melts into the touch. You can’t help but to stare at him, awestruck by how fast he’s fallen into this headspace. He’s never been this far gone before.

Hyunjin runs his tongue over his bottom lip before sucking the corner of it into his mouth. Felix notices and takes a step closer. His two fingers find a spot under Hyunjin’s chin once again, guiding the eldests gaze to his. “Need something?” Felix runs the tip of his thumb over Hyunjin’s bottom lip, freeing the corner from his teeth.

“What do you need, pretty boy?” The rumble of Felix’s tone makes you press your thighs together seconds before Hyunjin does the same. Your best friend peers up at you with his big brown eyes glazed in a way that you’ve never seen before. He looks between you two, waiting for someone to decide what it is that he needs.

“I think that he needs his mouth full, Lix.” Hyunjin nearly crumbles at your feet once your suggestion hits the air. His eyelids flutter shut for just a second as he sucks the corner of his lip back into his mouth.

You step closer to Hyunjin so that he can lean his head on the side of your leg. You watch as his fingers spread and the tips slightly dig into the carpet beneath him in anticipation.

“Is that it?” Felix blinks down at Hyunjin with a teasing gaze as he slowly slips his finger between Hyunjin’s plump blushed lips. You watch, bare cunt dripping under your skirt as Hyunjin welcomes every bit of Felix’s finger into his mouth.

The younger exhales a shaky breath as the kneeling boy swirls his tongue around the digit with a light moan. He sucks lightly while mindlessly bobbing his head a bit. His glistening eyes stare up at Felix like he’s hung the stars in the sky. You’re speechless. Wildly turned on but utterly speechless.

Felix's finger slides in and out of Hyunjin's mouth at a slow, agonizing pace. The younger fights back a full body shudder as Hyunjin gets lost in the action.

Your hand moves on its own as you watch them. You stroke Hyunjin’s freshly cut hair at the back of his head to coax him further into his relaxed state.

Felix's watches with an amused twinkle of satisfaction in his eyes as Hyunjin moans at the pressure of him pressing the pad of his thumb down onto the middle of his tongue. His eyes knit together as your boyfriend slowly pries his mouth open. Felix bends to Hyunjin’s level once again as he slides his finger out of Hyunjin’s mouth and replaces the digit with his tongue. He leans in quickly, pulling your friend into a slow and sloppy kiss.

Hyunjin’s hand finds your ankle and the tips of his fingers sink into the flesh as Felix explores his mouth. He whines against your boyfriend, moaning and pushing into the kiss with a desperation that you’re not sure that you could ever match.

A quiet moan slips past your lips as you watch them. Your pulse picks up at the naughty scene unfolding in front of you as you take in every inch of them. Every detail. You and Felix have opened your relationship to help several other friends, you’ve seen Felix dom some of your friends, some of his friends and even some strangers but this feels different. It feels so hot and effortless like he’s been preparing for the day that Hyunjin lets his guard down.

The feeling of a new hand on the outside of your leg makes you jump, pulling your focus away from the boys in front of you and down to the source.You watch as Felix’s hand trails up the front of your leg, slithering up your calves and tickling the inside of your thigh before it disappears under your skirt. “Fuck.” He rasps, his mouth still semi full of Hyunjin’s tongue.

He nips down on Hyune’s bottom lip as he pulls away, a thin line of spit connects them until Felix turns to look up at you. “Watching us made you that wet, angel?”

While Felix is talking to you Hyunjin stares up at your boyfriend with a dazed expression. He’s fucked out, there isn’t a single thought in his head that makes sense. “How about we have this sweet boy taste you.”

Hyunjin switches the target of his attention. He stares up at you as he sits back on his knees, still on all fours just how Felix wanted him. He almost looks like a cat waiting patiently for its meal. “C’mere Hyune.”

He scoots forward and you lift the front of your skirt to show off your bare cunt to him. He whimpers, squeezing his thighs together once again and looking up at you with watery eyes that are desperate to spill over with tears of pure pleasure. “Stick your tongue out.” You instruct softly and Felix watches it all from behind him. Hyunjin quickly obeys, poking out the muscle over his bottom lip with his head tilted back just enough to see both you and Felix at the same time.

“Sit on it, sweetheart.” Felix takes your hand that’s not holding up your skirt and leads you forward until your cunt is resting on Hyunjin’s tongue. He moans just as you do, your head kicks back with eyes shut tight as he starts to lave over your swollen bud. The tip of his tongue dips and weaves between your folds sloppily encouraging your well watered flower to spill over his chin as he gets more into it.

Your moans are echoing through the room and Felix listens to them like music. “Looks like he did need his mouth full, huh?” Felix muses while he combs his fingers through Hyunjin’s long locks.

Hyunjin's eyes roll back and he lets out a satisfied sigh. “C’mon make my baby feel good.” Felix fists Hyunjins hair and pushes him further against you. He groans, his nose is pushed up against your pubic mound as he sucks and swirls your clit.

“Hyune, Hyunjin, ‘m gonna cum.” His thighs press together and his fingers twist and fist at the shaggy living room carpet beneath him. Felix notices it all, he notices everything. From the way that you’re rocking your hips against Hyunjin’s mouth and pinching your nipples over your shirt to the way that Hyunjin’s hard cock desperately twitches in his slacks in a pathetic attempt to feel any friction at all. “Oh fuck fuck fuck.”

Felix gets behind you to make sure that you stand steady as you come undone on Hyunjin’s tongue. If you were dripping before then you are pouring now, soaking up every inch of Hyunjin’s chin with your sweet water.

Felix kisses the curve of your neck as you come down from your high and Hyunjin kitten licks and cleanses every bit of you that he can reach. He’s so far gone, so fucking horny that he’s damn near panting for more. He needs more. “That’s my girl.” Felix leads you back and over to the couch so that you can take a second to come down from space.

He sets his sights back on the cat-like boy a couple of steps away from you. You blink a couple of times in an attempt to take him in. He’s still in his work clothes, a white button up untucked from his black slacks with the first four buttons undone. There are wet spots on his collar and by his buttons courtesy of your dripping cunt. His dick is rock hard in his slacks, straining dangerously against the bulging zipper. It’s practically begging for attention. His hands are in fists and his lips are still wet, so fucking wet.

“And that’s my boy.” Hyunjin’s hazy eyes nearly sparkle once Felix starts towards him. Your boyfriend grins with a faint chuckle. “She’s so sweet isn’t she?” Hyunjin nods, never breaking eye contact with Felix.

“Care to share?” The blonde kneels, tipping Hyunjin’s chin up with a single finger before licking up his lips to collect your lingering arousal. He plants sloppy kisses against his lips that Hyunjin struggles to keep up with but tries to reciprocate anyway. “So damn good.”

He leans back, looking your best friend in the eye for a second or two before leaning in and kissing Hyunjin's forehead. His lips linger there for a few moments before he pulls away. “You did so good for her.”

Your vision is clearer now as you watch them from your spot on the couch, cunt still dripping. “Thank you, Hyune.” You coo and the corner of his mouth nearly turns up in a smile but that would require thought and he can’t seem to think right now.

“He’s gone dumb, baby.” Felix stands, leaving Hyunjin on his knees. “Come.” He beckons him with two fingers and Hyunjin follows, crawling close behind Felix until he takes a seat next to you on the couch.

“Let’s see if he can go dumb on my cock now.” Felix unties his sweatpants and Hyunjin audibly falls apart just for a second. He moans, bucking into the air as he sits back on his knees. “You wanna suck it? Or do you want me to fuck you?”

Hyunjin bites at his bottom lip, watching carefully as Felix frees himself from his sweats. “I think our brain-dead baby still wants his mouth full. Poor thing, isn’t satisfied yet.” You speak up for Hyunjin, leaning over and patting his head as he waits to have his mouth busy again.

“Poor thing.” Felix teases. “Lemme see your tongue.”

Hyunjin sticks out the muscle just as he did before, perfectly flat over his bottom lip. Felix beckons him closer with a bent finger and Hyunjin leans forward so that he’s no longer sitting on his knees. He’s on all fours again.

Felix slaps the tip of his cock against Hyunjins tongue with a deep groan. He rubs it back and forth a bit to tease the eager boy as spit drips off the tip of his tongue. “Suck.” Hyunjin acts immediately, wrapping his lips around Felix’s ruddy tip with a satisfied moan. His eyes flutter shut as he swirls his tongue and your boyfriend throws his head back against the couch at the feeling.

“That fucking mouth.” You lean over, stretching your arm over Felix’s chest and splaying your hand over his toned stomach.

“Is he better than me, Lixie?” Your boyfriend looks over at you with pinched brows and a fucked out glint in his eyes. The corner of his mouth turns up into a smile as he shakes his head.

“Close.” He runs his hand up your bare arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. You don’t take your eyes off of him while he touches you. “But nothing can beat your mouth, baby.”

You lean in with a smile but it melts away once your lips meet Felix’s. He licks into your mouth with a hot desire that you feel right in your core. He moans into you and you swallow it with a greedy thirst for more. More of him, more of Hyunjin, more pleasure. More of everything.

“Shit.” He rasps against your lips and you pull away to look down at Hyunjin. His eyes are closed as he bobs his head, deep throating Felix every now and then with drool running from the corners of his plump lips and over his chin. He’s more of a mess than before and it’s so hot. So damn hot that you just have to give your cunt some more attention.

You open your legs wide enough for one of them to almost drape over Felix’s knee and you snake your hand down to where you're drenched for the boys in front of you. Your fingers carefully run over your swollen clit, it’s still sensitive from Hyunjin’s skillful attack but it feels too good to care. “Greedy, baby.” Felix tsks as he pulls you back in for a sloppy kiss.

Your fingers dip into your cunt and after a bit of playing on your own Felix’s nimble fingers find your clit to show it some attention. You turn into a moaning mess just like Hyunjin. A desperate cry leaves him with each bob of his head. “Fuck, Hyune. Look at me, baby. Eyes on me lemme see em.”

Hyunjin looks up at Felix with watery eyes clouded with lust and a drooling mouth full of his cock. It’s hot. It’s so hot that you’re shaking and cumming the second that you see him like that.

Hyunjin whimpers and bucks his hips at the sight of you coming undone again. His straining cock brushes against the couch and it feels so good that he chokes on the throbbing cock in his throat.

“Wanna touch yourself?” Felix asks, voice raspy with his pending orgasm lingering in the pit of his stomach. Hyunjin moans, blinking up at Felix in a desperate attempt to beg. “Jerk your cock while you suck me off.”

That’s all Hyunjin had to hear to get his hands to rush down and pop the button of his slacks. The zipper undid itself with the pressure of his cock against it. He moans more wildly around your boyfriend's dick now that he has his own in his fist. He hisses as he polishes the angry tip, nearly choking on spit as he takes a sharp inhale.

With Hyunjin’s attention split between himself and Felix the younger decides to help the desperate boy complete his original task. Felix’s hand fists Hyunjin’s hair and starts to help him bob his head over him. He speeds up and slows down to his heart's content until his cock is twitching in your best friend's mouth. “Gonna - fucking nut. Gonna fucking cum.”

Hyunjin is damn near crying as he works his cock and Felix’s in tandem. He’s a mess of moaning and groaning. His eyes are rolling back, spit is dripping down his chin and chest while pre-cum paints his throat and his fist. He’s fucked out. Debauched.

“Ah, shit.” Felix bucks up into his throat, halting all movement as he spills his load into Hyunjin’s mouth. “Don’t swallow.” He grunts his demand through clenched teeth as he rides out his orgasm. He thrusts once, twice, three times into Hyunjin’s mouth before he slowly pulls out.

“Fuck.” You and Felix hiss at the same time when a bit of cum drips down Hyunjin’s chin. He keeps his mouth closed while he strokes his own cock. He’s waiting for instruction, he’s waiting for you two to say that he can cum. “C’mere Jinnie.”

He stops touching himself so that he can crawl in between you and Felix on the couch. He looks like a cat again, a desperate little kitty.

You and Felix both move into him, your fingertips grazing over his skin as you unbutton his shirt further to reveal more of him. Once his chest is on display you lean in and brush your tongue over one of his hard nipples. He always tells you that that does close to nothing for him but the reaction you get from him as you wrap your lips around the bud would deem that a lie.

“You’ve been so good.” You coo, kissing a trail up over his clavicle and licking bruising kisses into the skin of his neck.

“Such a good boy for us.” Felix fists Hyunjin's twitching cock and he moans into the air, throwing his head back with pinched brows as he twists his fist over his length.

When Hyunjin leans up to get a look at the way that Felix is jerking him off you both lean in. Your mouths meet in a sloppy and passionate three way kiss that has Felix’s cum leaking from between Hyunjin’s lips and into your mouths. You moan at the familiar taste of Felix’s arousal and Felix moans at the mess spilling over his chin and down his neck.

Felix pulls away and you take over the kiss, licking up all of the cum you missed and trailing sloppy kisses back down Hyunjin’s neck to collect what the two of you missed. While you're busy with that Hyunjin has his eyes on Felix who is spitting all of the cum he collected in his mouth onto Hyunjin’s cock. The warmth slides down his shaft in a sinful slow mo that makes Hyunjin’s toes curl.

The lewd squelching of Hyunjin’s cum covered cock fucking Felix’s fist fills the room and you can feel the man next to you start to unravel with desperation. “Wanna cum, Hyune?” He’s nodding violently, moaning while staring over at you. “Here.”

You nod over at Felix and the two of you silently agree to switch. You throw your leg over Hyunjin to straddle his sticky cock while Felix pulls him in for a sloppy kiss. You position his pulsing tip at your soaked hole and he slips right in.

“Gahh - Fuck. Fuck.” Hyunjin breaks his silence as he pulls away from Felix’s lips and throws his head back with a loud cry. He presses his hips into you, reaching you impossibly deep. “Can’t, can’t. Fuck, baby I can’t.”

You grind against him, purposely clenching around him to pull some deeper cries from him. “Nghhahhh - Fuck. Lix, can I? Can I cum? Please, please, need it. Need to.”

He’s rambling as you start to bounce over him. He tries his damn best to look over at Felix and beg for his release. He really does try but his eyes just keep rolling back and fluttering shut. He can barely breathe right. His breath keeps getting stuck in his chest until he exhales with a shaky moan.

“She feels so good doesn’t she? You like her riding your cock?” Hyunjin shakes his head, words don’t make sense anymore. He doesn’t think that they ever will again. He bites his lip so hard that he could draw blood. “Wanna ride mine like that when she’s done?”

“Shit.” Hyunjin hisses and Felix smiles that cocky smile that you seem to find contagious at the moment. “Please, please - gahhh - gotta cum.”

Felix looks over at you and you at him. He winks at you and you take that as your cue. You lean forward, wrapping your arms around Hyunjin’s neck and pulling his messy chest closer to you until he’s flush against you. His arms wrap around your waist as he lets you fuck him, he’s holding on for dear life. His honey skin is tinted red and he’s holding his breath until he hears you say it.

“Cum for us, Hyunjinnie.” A moan rips through him and he’s breathing again. His eyes are screwed shut and his fingers dig into you so hard that you just know that It’ll leave delicious bruises behind. He holds you still against him and starts fucking up into you desperately.

The sound of skin slapping against skin is decorated with your twin moans and Felix watches it all with his hardening cock between his fingers as he strokes it languidly.

“Ah fuck.” He thrusts into you one last time before you feel him start to fill you up. Ropes of his hot sticky cum fall right on top of the other and collect around his cock that’s still plugging your pulsing hole. You grind against him, helping him ride out his orgasm as aftershocks of it all zap through him.

“There we go.” You pepper kisses over his face as he pants beneath you, his head rests against the back of the couch and sweat beads and falls from his hairline. You comb back the hair sticking to his glistening skin with a smile. “How’re you feeling?”

“I-” He swallows hard, trying his best to form any words at all. “I’m good.”

You chuckle, placing a quick kiss on his lips before starting to untangle the two of you. “You need water.” You move to get it once you’re up and Felix watches you walk away with Hyunjin’s cum sliding down the inside of your thigh.

“You did well.” Felix pulls Hyunjin closer to rest on his shoulder. “Are you done for the day? Are you satisfied?”

The raven haired boy looks up at your blonde lover with that same fucked out gaze. It’s still hazy. Still desperate. “Not even close.”

Thank You For Reading! Please Reblog or Comment to let me know how you liked it! It makes my day! 💕

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probablyintensemuses · 20 hours

Note

how wwould armando react if he is in love with the reader, but she shows no sign of feeling the same way, (he's so devoted when it comes to the reader) And he'd like to know if she feels the same way, I wish it would end in a passionate way (you know what I mean) 🔥

Te amo 🌸💗

Wait For Your Love-

Armando Aretas

summary: Armando doesn’t wish you a happy birthday so you’re day is basically ruined, up until it isn’t.

themes: angst, fluff, smut.

warnings: smut 18+

authors note: I know this isn’t exactly like the request, but genuinely I tried. I hope y’all like it 🥹. Not edited btw, I wrote this on my lunch break.

Happy birthday to you,’ kelly sang, walking a candlelight cupcake over to your desk, Dorn, Mike, and Marcus following behind her. “Happy birthday to you.”

“Happy birthday, our sweet girl, happy birthday to you.” Kelly gives you a hug from behind and you lean into her.

“Thanks guys,’ you smile big, blowing out the candle on your cupcake.

“What your young ass wish for?” Mike asks, slinging a birthday girl sash over your shoulders.

Marcus slaps his chest. “You know she can’t tell you, that’ll ruin it.”

Mike smacks his lips. “Man, shut your superstitious ass up. Seriously, what you wish for.”

You laugh. “I wished for the second day at my cafe to run smoothly for my employees.’ Everyone shakes their heads, happily, saying your wish was a great one.

“Speaking of,” you dig into your bag, pulling out pink envelopes with hearts on their seals. “If you guys can make time I’d love to have you over there for small party. It’s nothing big, just a new cake recipe I was working on, some drinks, and food if you guys want to bring any.”

They all accept your invite, taking their cards with them and back to their desks.

You sit back down with a smile and continue to unencrypte the harddrive they’d found at a crime scene. Mike had told you it was very important they get it open with everything on it.

So that was the goal today before your party, so you could get as drunk as you wanted to and cry as much as you wanted too.

Hopefully not the latter, though.

The compound door swings open with a shriek before slamming shut, echoing through the whole place.

You turn and your heart stops in your chest as Armando Aretas makes his way through.

It was no secret, to the team anyway, that you had a mild crush on Armando. Despite knowing the things of his past, some desperate part of your self truly liked him. And corny enough, you saw the goodness and potential within him.

It’s why you went with Mike to the D.A’s office and fought for him to serve out his tenured in AMMO instead of prison. You knew he wasn’t all bad, he could be reformed, you’d seen it multiple times.

Like when he took all those stab wounds for Callie, the daughter of the woman actively hunting him. Or how he tried constantly, despite his past and his own convictions, to have a relationship with Mike. Even how kind he was to you at times, especially when you know it’s hard for him, training his mind to know that kindness isn’t a weakness after years of being a product to the cartel.

So you couldn’t help but smile when you see him walk down the stairs and take a seat at his desk across from yours.

“Armando,’ Mike says. “You’re late, we’re about to start debriefing in ten.”

Armando shrugs, slinging off his leather jacket and exposing his bulging, biceps and veiny forearms.

You check the glare in your computer, checking for drool, before eyeing his torso, the skin tight black shirt doing nothing for your unquenched thirst.

“Had to pick something up.” He says, eyeing you.

You turn, looking over your shoulder. Was he actually staring at you?

Everyone else must have noticed too, because before you know it, you have eight pairs of hungry eyes watching you both.

“Anything you want to say to her?” Kelly practically nudges Armando with her voice.

Armando eyes you up in down, taking in your typical appearance of a cardigan and jeans, your curls pulled high in a puff on your head.

His eyes pull away from you as he stands and walks over to the room where the team debriefs. “Nah,” he says.

You fell your heart crash to your feet.

Did he just?

Now, you could understand if he forgot it was your birthday, but you have a cupcake with a candle on it sitting on your desk not to mention the fucking sash that says “birthday girl,” no way he thought you were just wearing it for convenience.

You thought, just for once, Armando would show you even a slither of the same kind of affections you held for him…especially on your birthday.

But you were wrong.

Your heart chips a little at that realization, you feel pathetic like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles as you ball up the invitation you had stored away for Armando, it yellow and bright unlike the others.

You were pathetic to think the man you liked would even consider you an option, let alone come to some dumb birthday party of yours. He was too busy for that, and you were too desperate.

Another year older, yet never wiser. It was clear in your delusions of Armando as you wait for his love.

###

You’re careful to not drop your cake as you push it through the swinging doors of your new cafe.

You decided to get this cafe as a side shop because you always loved pastries, and making cakes and sweet treats got you through the stress of school and the police force.

So now that you’re older, why not have a cafe for fun and passive income? Was it more stress, yes, but it was totally worth it.

“Wow, that looks amazing!” Dorn’s eyes light up as your bring the cake over to the booths and tables your friends occupy.

“You think so?” You smile.

“Oh hell yeah,’ Marcus likes his lips, clapping his hands together. “You know I’m for anything sweet so.”

You chuckle. “Forewarning. It’s a teramassu cake, so you old dogs might be up all night if you eat too much.”

“Damn! It’s like that!” Mike laughs.

You smile and begin cutting into the cake and passing out pieces. “Yeah, it’s like that.”

“And to think we basically raised you.” Marcus says. “I’m going to let you slide though. One because it’s your birthday. And two, because this cake is fire.”

You clap and squeal. “I’m so glad you like it. I didn’t want to mess it up, but it’s pretty difficult.”

“Mhm,’ kelly says, taking a sip of her wine. “So what’s harder, cake baking? Or admitting your crush to Armando?”

Your smile drops in an instant and you send an icy glare Kelly’s way. “Seriously?”

Kelly hiccups. “I’m sorry, but the way your face looked when he didn’t tell you happy birthday, I mean how can you like a guy like that? No offense, Mike.”

Mikes eyebrows rise. “I mean, it was a jerk move. But it’s Armando. Who knows, he might say happy birthday tomorrow.”

You shake your head. “Yeah, but it won’t be worth anything tomorrow when he knew today. I mean, I’m really pathetic to wish he was here when he couldn’t even do the bare minimum for me.” Your eyes well with tears.

“Hey, no.’ Dorn wipes your eyes. “Don’t cry on your birthday about him. Cry tomorrow, and then come see my therapist.”

You sniffle. “What?”

“Sorry, she’s just amazing, I always like to shout her out.”

You sigh. “Thanks, Dorn.”

Even with all this smiling faces around you, you couldn’t shake the anchor pulling at your ankle. You wished Armando would have just told you happy birthday, even pretended to care. That would have meant more to you than what you got.

But here you were, with all your friends who actually cared about you, about to cry over a guy who couldn’t even be bothered.

A tear streaks down your face and you look away. “You guys should go,’ you say. “I’m sorry.”

Mike pats your shoulder. “I’ll try talking to him.”

You grip his wrist. “Don’t. I don’t want him to know about this, he’ll think I’m insane.”

“Don’t sweat it too hard,’ kelly kisses your head. “I know plenty of guys at the department that would fall to their knees right now over you.”

“Thanks,’ you half smile, watching as your friends leave before you break down completely.

Tears streaked into your palm as you cried out. It didn’t hit you until this morning just how deeply you cared for Armando.

You truly liked him, and his blatant rejection had set all your emotions flaring.

Sniffling into your hands, the soft chime of your cafes door catches your attention.

“We’re closed.” You grumble, not bothering to look up.

“Even for me, ¿dulce niña?” Armando says.

Your head shoots up and the air is nearly knocked out of your lungs as you take him in.

He’s dapper in a black button up not all the way buttoned, exposing some of his tone chest and a silver St. Christopher necklace. His pants are the right amount of tightness, highlighting his muscular thighs, and his hair is dark and trimmed, just like his beard.

Armando, as always, is hard to look away from. But still, resist and play it cool, wiping the tears away from your eyes.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, crossing your hands over your small chest.

Armando walks towards you, hands behind his back as he observes your cafe, like some kind of museum tourist. “The cafe came together nice.” He says, stepping a bit too close to you.

For air, you take a step back, Armando notices and smirks. “Stop avoiding the question. What are you doing here?”

“I heard you had a party I wasn’t invited to. That’s not very nice, bebita.” He smirks.

“Yeah, it was invite only.”

“I don’t qualify?”

You scoff. “You didn’t even know it was my birthday.”

“I knew.”

“Oh, you knew, so you just didn’t care.”

“I cared.’ Armando gets close, pulling at the tule fabric of your pink mini dress. He lets out a shaky breath. “This is beautiful on you, by the way.”

You push him away at the chest, he hardly moves. “Stop it.” You whine.

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like you like me!” You shout. “You don’t! And it’s fucking embarrassing, Armando!”

Armando swallows, and even in the darkness you can see the shame painted into the little creases of his face and the fast lifts of his chest.

Armando’s hands finally fall to his sides and you see now what he has done. In his hands are a large bouquet of flowers and a blue bag.

“No,” You say.

He steps forward. “This is why I was late to work, princesa, because I got this for you.”

“Armando.”

“Open it.” He says.

Reluctantly you take the bag from his hands, sharp rods of electricity swirling up your arm when your fingers meet.

Slowly, you open the bag and look inside. There, a small velvet box awaits you. Hesitant, you pick it up and open it.

You gasp at what you see. A necklace, tiny diamonds all the way around. It shimmers in the moonlight that peaks into the cafe as you hold it up.

“You bought this for me?’ You gasp. “How can you even afford this?”

Armando rolls his eyes. “I use to be a drug dealer, baby.”

You sigh and put the necklace, as pretty as it is, back into the box. “I can’t take this.” You hand it back.

Armando frowns. “Why not?”

You turn, holding yourself. “Because how do I know if you even like me?”

Armando’s eyes hidden and he holds the bag on display. “Baby, I just dropped bands on this necklace for you. I think that shows alot.”

“Yeah, maybe.” You step back, walking away from him.

He catches your arm, gently pulling you back. “Maybe?” He scoffs offended. “You didn’t even invite me tonight, yet I got you a gift, and you say maybe.”

You snatch out of his grip. “I didn’t invite you tonight because you’re an asshole!”

“I’m not!” Armando shouts back.

“Then prove it,’ you square into his space. “Stop making me wait for your love and tell me what you know I want to hear.”

Armando opens his mouth to speak, but the words are lost when he leans in, his mouth crashing onto yours.

Your shocked, your lips are still against his until something burst inside of you, everything you’ve been craving sealed in this one kiss.

This causes you to moan against his lips. Armando swallows it, slipping his hands into your curls and tilting your head to the side, turning the kiss hot and fierce.

You wrap your arms around the nape of his neck, scratching at his faded low cut, deepening your kiss.

Armando’s hands trail down the fluff of your dress until they reach the hem. He flips it upward and finds your underwear, growling as he feels the thin layer of cotton. You shudder at his touch, your pussy throbbing at the thought of him making contact.

“Fuck,’ he moans, slipping two fingers into your thongs, rolling his thick fingers over your clit.

Your head falls back as you let out a low, moan. “Fuck, baby.”

“You like that?’ He strokes his fingers up and down your soaking wet slit. “Tan mojado, maldita sea.” He growls in your ear.

“Yes,” you gasp. “Oh, yes.”

Armando grabs you by your waist flipping you around, the rounds of your ass pressed against the swells of his cock.

You gasp as Armando pushes you against his hard on, you imagine how it will feel once he’s deep inside your soaking, needy cunt.

Armando nibbles at the bottom of your ear. “You feel that baby. You feel what you do to me?”

“Y—yes,” you sputter.

He grinds against you, his face deep in your hair, taking a whiff.

“God I need to be inside you.” Armando whines. “I’ve always needed it.”

“Then do it. Stop holding back.” You moan out.

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say because in a flash Armando’s got your dress up, your thong to the side, and you bent over the counter of your cafe.

God you hoped no one walked past, because if they did, they get an eyeful of your ass and Armando’s bulging cock.

“Fuck,” Armando moans, rubbing the leaking pink tip of his cock against you sleek folds, shuddering as he pulls back, your slick dripping off his tip. “You ready, baby?”

“Yes, oh yes.” You moan, digging your head into the cold marble of the counter.

Armando strokes your entrance one last time before pushing into slowly. You both let out loud, pornagraphic moans finally being full of each other.

The strokes start of slow and deep, each smack creating friction between the top of your dress and your skin. The deeper and harder Armando fucks you, the lower your dress falls until eventually your boobs spill out.

Armando’s pace picks up and he begins to fuck you with speed that causes you to cry out. He reaches in front of you, grabbing your boobs and holding onto them, circling your nipples between his fingers, pounding deeper and harder into you.

“God, mama, you’re incredible.’ Armando growls. “I’ve dreamt of this moment.”

“More!” You moan.

Armando flips you over, lifting you up by your ass and slamming you onto the counter. He waste no time shoving into you and fucking you, your boobs bouncing up and down equivalent to his rhythm.

You reach down, rubbing your clit in circles, you’re desperate to come on Armando’s cock and have him come inside of you.

You can feel the knot in your stomach build and you know you’re close. The sounds of skin slapping and heavy moans echos off the walls of the cafe.

Your pussy leaks, leaving a white ring Armando’s cock as he drills into you, using one lifted leg as leverage.

Your knot builds, expanding, and you know you’re close to the edge.

You pull Armando close. “I want you to finish me, then I need your come inside of me.” You cry out.

Armando doesn’t even question your requests before obliterating you with speed and strokes.

Your knot unfurls and you moan out, shuttering as you

Come on his cock. Armando does the same, pumping all of him inside of you.

Sweaty and breathing hard, he pulls out, lifting you up bridal style.

He carries you to one of the larger booths at the back of the cafe, using his jacket as a blanket for you both.

“Are you on birth control?” He asks.

You shake your head no. “It’s okay. We’re fine. I’ll just get a plan B.”

Armando nods kissing your forehead. “And by the way,’ he pulls you into his strong arms. “Happy birthday.”

You snicker, eyelids heavy. “Thank you.”

#angst #bwwm love #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #armando aretas x reader #armando fic #armando aretas #armando x reader #jacob scipio #bad boys ride or die #bad boys for life #Armando x black #reader

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helluvathings · 2 days

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It's interesting that the episode description straight up warned for Stolas lacking self-awareness. It's more or less a confirmation that Stolas and his character arc aren't finished, and between that and the content of the last couple episodes, I ended up going back through the series and looking at the path he's taken so far. Warning now, there's a lot of 'deconstructing' Stolas at first, but I do think he's on a positive trajectory and the set up serves as foundation for future character development.

Anyway for anyone interested in a from-the-beginning rundown of Stolas's arc, full post is below.

From his first conversation with Blitzø, you have Stolas in his bath making the favors for favors offer, while Blitzø is working and in a life-or-death situation. The language Stolas is using is too formal; it causes communication issues, and Blitzø has to tell him to stop using "rich person talk." The scene that sets up their whole dynamic is 1. Stolas establishing the transaction (given he could've straight up punished Blitzø for stealing or just taken back the book, this isn't bad; it just is), 2. Stolas at leisure while Blitzø's job has him in danger, and 3. the class/education difference resulting in Blitzø having difficulty understanding what Stolas is saying.

Move forward to Loo Loo Land. The language Stolas uses with Blitzø gets a lot of attention already, as does Stolas's rather poor grasp of social cues/difficulty seeing outside his own perspective causing him to clash with Octavia. One point I don't see raised as often is that Stolas hiring Blitzø to spend time together, when he doesn't need a bodyguard, and then sexualizing Blitzø while he does his job, is both condescending, and doesn't show much respect for what Blitzø actually does. He pays him more or less to put on a show, so Stolas can indulge a fantasy of them having a relationship (not because he's evil, because he doesn't know better).

Then you've got Stolas in the newest episode, getting annoyed with Blitzø for saying he thought Stolas couldn't be hurt because he was immortal. That if I.M.P. could handle Striker, Stolas surely could. Stolas's sarcastic, "It's not an imp's place to protect a Goetia, is it?" comes across different when considering Stolas literally once hired them as mock bodyguards. It just... escapes him, why Blitzø would think the idea of Stolas needing their help is outrageous. Never mind how clear Stolas's rescue in Truthseekers made their power disparity. Stolas often has trouble putting himself in other people's shoes, and it shows here.

The Harvest Moon Festival brings in Striker, who's basically a "class problems" mouthpiece, exaggerated for emphasis. He even remarks directly on how Stolas's treatment of Blitzø can look from the outside. There's also the episode's opening bedroom scene, where Stolas's idea of flirty talk is copious use of microaggressions, plus the later scene with Blitzø snapping about Stolas not using his proper name. It's likely not an accident that these things happen the same episode Striker appears.

Truthseekers has "impish little plaything," with honorable mention to Stolas pinching Blitzø's cheek and scolding I.M.P. like children. But it also has Blitzø's vision all but screaming how Stolas makes him feel. On the one hand, it's Stolas who brings him back to himself. He washes away the muck. He's something beautiful amidst the ugliness. But he's on a pedestal, he has Blitzø in chains. He has shadow Blitzøs fanning him like servants, and Blitzø stumbles away from him blind and mute, smothered by feathers.

Ozzie's is actually good for Stolas's development, because he gets his first reality check when Blitzø makes it clear he thinks Stolas only wants sex. (It also shows how Stolas feels about Blitzø behind the bad erotic-novel scripts he's been using, which is the first time the audience sees this outright). After that, Stolas realizes his relationship with Blitzø was problematic. He sees the transaction and gets rid of it, and he senses something off with his behavior that has him start calling Blitzø by name and stopping with the 'plaything' type remarks.

But the past two episodes have made it evident he'd made those realizations in a vacuum. His broader class awareness is basically nonexistent, and when Blitzø tries raising the issue, he groups Blitzø with Striker by default, as if any criticism of his status/wealth/privilege is unreliable and antagonistic toward him specifically. He refuses to sincerely consider that Blitzø isn't merely judging him, and that he might be saying something with legitimate basis.

The Circus is especially interesting. Aside from the commentary underlying the 'buying Blitzø' plot, the episode shows Stolas getting scolded by Paimon like a dog for showing respect to an imp; that likely wouldn't have been an isolated incident. It's played somewhat for humor ("I'm so good at daddying"), but it also shows why he'd have so much trouble with things like microaggressions. He has literally been trained to hold himself above others. And just going off the way Stolas is framed at Stella's party, isolated and alone, being laughed at by Stella and her friends, I suspect Stolas may see himself as a "good rich person," because he doesn't seem to fit well with the Goetia either; he's laughed at and bullied, he lacks privilege in his own ways. He identifies more with other demons than his own class--and it blinds him, I think, to the fact that he is still part of his class, and isn't immune to the problems that come with that.

Even in Seeing Stars, there's the moment with Stolas all but strangling that poor butler and hardly seeming to notice. In an episode that's almost entirely focused on father-daughter relationships, that still gets tossed in. Regarding the Octavia plot, Stolas lacking self-awareness comes up again; it's understandable that he's distracted with the divorce, and we do see him try to resolve the issue, but it feels like a quiet alarm indicating hey, you might have a recurring problem where your daughter is concerned.

Western Energy is another 'Striker shouting that class issues matter in this show' moment. While I think Stolas going the 'well, you're part of the system, so you can't complain' route when Striker tries bringing it up is loosely relevant, I also don't blame him for that one. Poor guy is being tortured, he deserves some slack. Oops, in my opinion, shows Stolas at his best; he's just been turned down by Ozzie, but he still sticks around and helps. We even see how sincerely happy he is when Fizz returns. It's a good example of how decent Stolas can be beneath it all, as well as his sense of romance appearing in a healthier way.

Then come Full Moon and Apology Tour, where most of the Stolas subtext gets screamed and/or bitterly snapped in his face by Blitzø. It's stated directly by the main character that those things matter, in a way that imo portrays Blitzø as at least partially sympathetic. And of course the Apology Tour episode description, yelling it for the folks in back.

What all this is trying to say is: 90% of Stolas's time on screen has set him up to have a 'getting more self aware' arc. I see a lot of accusations of the show babying Stolas, but I think it's more that it hasn't gotten around to doing what it wants with Stolas. There are 4 seasons. We're in the second. We've had Stolas's post-Ozzie's revelation, and now he's getting a lot more "you're part of the problem" feedback thrown his way. It's implied Octavia is going to contribute to that as well.

Anyway!! My personal guess so far is that if the "loses his powers and/or titles" theory that's been going around has any merit, that's going to instigate the start of actual, substantial change. Will that actually happen? No idea. But Stolas's flaws have been as articulated and developed as Blitzø's, and at this point, if the consequences aren't explored in the same way, it'll be dropping a ball that's already well in the air. I also think this isn't going to be a "fixed by the end of season 2" thing. Stolas problably won't appear again until Mastermind, and then there's just Sinsmas. There isn't time for him to change in two episodes. There is, however, time for him to have some big realizations, and for the change to happen next season.

#helluva boss #stolitz #stolas goetia #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss stolas #stolas ars goetia #helluva boss meta

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hanjsquokka · 3 days

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Reflections - [ Han Jisung ]

𝟎𝟏. ❛ we were too close to the stars ❜

🍸 CHAPTER SYNOPSIS : Things have been... not so great. You could see that you and Jisung have been pulling away even more and now he wanted to do something you didn't like. Jisung mulls over the state of his relationship with you and tries to think of a way to fix everything. (Read series masterlist for more info)

GENRE : basically second chance romance, fluff, angst, smut, marriage! au

PAIRING : ceo husband! han jisung × fem!reader

CONTENT WARNING : alcohol consumption, swearing, a very small makeout scene, inkling of a panic attack

WORD COUNT : 4.4K

UPDATES : every Saturday @ 9:00 pm GMT + 5:30

☆ skz masterlist ; join my taglist

< PREV | SERIES MASTERLIST | NEXT >

minors dni. if you click read, you agree to nsfw content. this series portrays various other kpop idols, none of which represent the actual nature of them in real life. these are fictional characters with fictional personalities. characters depicted in this series are morally grey, they have their flaws just like all humans do.

“Here's the list of applicants you asked for,” Chaeryoung placed a file on your desk for which you thanked her and opened it, scanning over the names. There were so many this time, making you internally sigh as you flipped through the pages, fingers tracing over the freshly printed ink. “Yunseok is running a background check already, he said he'll have the data by tomorrow morning.”

Thank goodness for Chaeryoung and her quick thinking, you didn't think you'd be able to do anything more today after that disastrous meeting you had with Double Knot.

You nodded. “That's good.” You rubbed your forehead, feeling another jab of pain in some part of your brain that you couldn't massage from your scalp. These kinds of headaches were getting more and more frequent with the stress load that had not stopped increasing for the past few months.

“Do you want a tablet?”

You shook your head. “No, it's alright.” You glanced up at the clock, your headache increasing as the minute hand crossed the number twelve, signaling that it was five pm. “I have to leave anyway…”

Maybe you should quit. That was a thought you often had for the past few months during your brisk walk from your office room to the elevator, heels clicking against the floor. Then again, you didn't want to because of your pride. Why should you quit your job at this company? Because your husband was the CEO? You wanted to laugh in the faces of all those people who talked behind your back. Y/n — the woman who got a job only because her husband was a high executive?

“He wouldn't even have this whole company if it weren't for me!” You blinked, taking a deep breath and focusing on the closed elevator doors. It was true, Han Jisung was able to start this music company only because of your wide range of contacts. It was why you were head of HR. So why didn't those people understand you were where you were because of talent and networking and not because of partiality?

But another reason you wanted to quit was the reality of your marriage with Jisung. Being this close was amazing when you two were actually in love, now it was just another place you had to keep up a tiring facade for the sake of staying out of tabloid drama.

Then again, if you stopped working here, you'd have to ultimately give and work for someone else and that was one thing you would never ever do.

So the best option was just to stick here and endure the pain.

When the elevator doors opened with a ding, you were about to step out, expecting the main lobby but you were greeted by none other than Jisung, his suit still crisp as it was when he got ready in the morning, his curly brown hair parted in the middle. Did you not notice the elevator was moving up and not down? You felt your heart thud in your chest as he stepped in beside you, briefcase in hand, and pressed the button for the lobby.

You pulled him closer by his tie as the elevator shut behind him, giggles erupting between both of you as he pushed you up against the cool metal wall, pressing open-mouthed kisses against your jaw and your neck.

“You know there's a camera in here right?” You let out a sigh as he pressed a kiss against your pulse point, feeling his teeth grazing against your skin.

“Let's give them a show, let them know how much I love my wife.” You both laughed again and he kissed you deeply, hand squeezing the flesh of your waist as his tongue glided along your bottom lip. Your hand went to his curls as his tongue entered your mouth, tangling with yours in a passionate dance.

“Did you prepare the list of applicants?” His tone was monotonous, no longer having that sweet ring to it that made your heart flutter.

“I did. Yunseok is doing a background check.” You told him, rubbing the leather strap of the purse you were holding, eyes flitting to the silver band that you used to proudly parade around. Now it was just a reminder of the promises of the past that were broken. Another dull throb of your head made you close your eyes.

“Good.” He gave a curt nod.

Jisung didn't transition from a lovesick puppy to a cold-hearted man overnight. You watched it happen every day, slowly seeing him pull away from you, having pointless arguments, and making meaningless accusations that only deepened the scar that was already there. You'd been married for three years. Three years was what it took for the love of your life to choose his work over you. Three years was all he needed to break that promise he made you in front of everybody, that he'd cherish you for the rest of his life with tears glistening in his eyes, holding your hand so tight that it hurt but you didn't care.

Every day was the same. You'd wake up on the same bed but you wouldn't give each other another glance, heading to separate bathrooms to get ready for the day. You sat at opposite sides of the dining table, eating the food that a maid had cooked.

“My wife isn't supposed to work in the kitchen. She's supposed to be happy and free.”

That was what Jisung said when he first hired help. Housekeepers, a cook, a personal driver, and even a doctor on speed dial. These were the rewards of his hard work. You were happy he was getting what he deserved. But soon work consumed his life. He became stressed and angry and obsessed. You resented it, wondering where everything went wrong after another argument that broke your heart as his footsteps receded.

When the elevator doors opened again, Jisung quickly took your arm and guided you out, an act the two of you nearly mastered after all this time even though your heart yearned for there to be some kind of emotion from his side. Fake smiles plastered over your faces as you walked down the main lobby, saying goodbye to the other people who smiled at you, whispering when they thought you were far enough to not hear their words when you clearly could.

“They're so wonderful, aren't they?”

“I didn't know two people could love each other so much after being married for so long.”

You almost scoffed at the utter irony of your situation. Jisung was quick to pull away from you when there was no one around, getting into the sleek black car that was parked where it always was with the same driver.

The car ride home was silent, as usual. Jisung was on his phone, checking emails while you stared out the window. The passing cars, the bright blue sky fading away into a hue of pinks and oranges, the endless line of buildings and trees — you'd been staring at the same landscape for seven months now, ever since the MIROH Agency signed under your father's company. It wasn't as huge as HYBE Corporations or any of the other famous Korean entertainment agencies, but it was starting to get a bigger name every day.

You turned to glance at Jisung, the light from his phone screen illuminating the features of his face. His eyebrows were taut as he read something, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth. You stared at him for a few more moments before you turned away and looked back outside. You were again drawn out of your thoughts when your phone buzzed.

Soyeon: Are you free tomorrow evening? Let's go out for some barbecue, I miss my girl 😔💔 [read 5:17 pm]

You let out a silent chuckle and typed back a reply.

You: I can always make time for you ❤️ We'll meet at our usual place? [read 5:20 pm]

Soyeon: You bet. Love you, babes ❤️ [read 5:22 pm]

You: Love you too [read 5:23 pm]

Having barbecue with Soyeon was at least something to look forward to, although you wanted to laugh at the irony of how you tell your best friend you love her more than you do your husband. Without her, you would've easily succumbed to your misery months ago.

College you would laugh if you told her the state of your relationship with Jisung.

“We have that meeting tomorrow with the other executives regarding the possibility of creating our own group.” He said, and then added, “And that interview.”

“Huh?” You were met with Jisung's eyes, the same warm, brown, boba eyes that made you fall in love at first sight.

“Was that not what you were laughing at earlier? We got a reminder email.”

“Ah — no, I was speaking with Soyeon…”

“Oh…” There was a flicker in his eyes. “Did something happen?”

“No, she was just inviting me out for dinner.”

“Ah…” He nodded. You blinked. What?

The turn of his head to look at his phone again was a clear indication that the conversation was over. You clenched your jaw and turned your head to the window again.

“Really?” You asked your friend with wide eyes as she told you yet another story of her list of ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Soyeon was an extremely beautiful and independent woman, you would've honestly been intimidated by her if you hadn't met her in college. With her confident aura and dressing style, she was the embodiment of beauty with brains. Although she had her share of not-so-good relationships.

She was also the only other person in the whole world who knew of the state of your relationship with Jisung. So you frequently ranted to her, breaking into sobs in the middle and then getting angry at yourself and going through the same cycle again.

“I know right?” Soyeon stuffed another piece of meat in her mouth as she continued talking about her recent ex-boyfriend — a guy who stupidly asked for a large sum of money for his mother's surgery, only to be caught in the airport after nearly escaping to Germany. “The audacity of that fucking bastard.” She stabbed a piece of tofu with her chopsticks.

The reason you and Soyeon were quick to become friends was your shared background, albeit you hated her at first — but most good friendships start with hatred. Both of you came from business backgrounds with fathers too invested in stocks and shares and mothers who cared more for their china collection rather than taking care of their daughters.

“Excuse me,” you called the waitress to your table, “can we get two bottles of soju, please?”

“Oh, did something happen?” Your friend asked. You weren't one to drink on a weekday but after today's meeting, you were more than ready to drown your sorrows out with alcohol. “Was your meeting not good?”

You let out a bitter laugh.

Earlier that day . . .

“Why is no one here yet?” You asked as you stepped into Jisung's office, pausing in place as you looked around the empty room apart from your husband. He seemed to have discarded his suit jacket that was hung over his chair, leaving him in his white button-up and a black tie that matched his slacks. You stared at the way his biceps strained against the fabric of his shirt, his (sexy) forearms that were visible after he rolled up the sleeves, and his fingers that were holding onto something, his wedding band glistening from the sun rays that peeked through the light blue curtains.

“Oh, you're here…” He messed up his curls, setting down a few papers on his desk as he gestured for you to sit on the brown leather couches that surrounded a glass coffee table. “I told the rest of them to come at 2:30.”

Your head turned to the clock behind his desk. Fifteen minutes early?

“We didn't discuss the interview yesterday night.”

“Probably because someone went straight to his home office as soon as he touched the front door.” You mumbled under your breath.

Jisung seemed to have caught what you said, his jaw tensing before he calmed himself down, not wanting to cause a scene here. Because, of course, he didn't want to lose the public image of having a bad house life for the sake of his company, so you maintained the lovey-dovey couple image until you were alone with each other. “The magazine was adamant on this and after thinking I agreed —”

“Seriously?” You scoffed. “Without asking me?”

“It's good publicity —”

“Having our non-existent private life known to the world is good publicity? Or were you going to feed them lies through your teeth?”

“Y/n, it's for the good of the company —”

“Of course,” you laughed sarcastically, “everything is good for the company. So you're going to invite a bunch of tabloid writers into our home and tell them a story of how we're so in love?”

“Stop cutting me off,” he said sternly. “It's just a few questions.”

“Why are they so interested in our life? You used to be against these kind of things.”

“I've changed.”

You heard a low chatter coming down the hallway, most likely from the other members of the meeting. “Clearly.” You grit your teeth and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down just as the other members came into the room.

“Oh, are we late?”

“No, no, not at all.” You shot them a friendly smile. “I just came early. I had some things to discuss with Mr. Han.” You looked at Jisung who had a smile on his face as well, telling them to take a seat so the meeting could start. You sat down on a couch adjacent to him, ignoring his gaze and pretending to read over the content.

Jisung chewed the inside of his cheek before turning away from you, making his mind focus solely on the task at hand and not on the fact that he could physically see another brick go up on the wall that was separating the two of you and he had no idea what to do to solve it.

The meeting went well, according to him. They planned the budget for their three groups that were signed under them, reviewed the trends of the group and their popularity, and even proposed the idea of a tour that they would have to discuss with Double Knot to see their enthusiasm because they were still pretty young. You presented a list of people who wanted to join the company as trainees — which was a new thing they had started after Jisung made the decision to let MIROH join under DISTRICT9 Corporations.

That was another decision that you were against, joining your father's. From the day Jisung met you four years ago, one thing remained constant — your undying hatred for your father and how you never wanted to be associated with him. And yet here you were… because of him.

He told himself every day — it was for the good of his company. You would come around and understand that he had to do this, it was what needed after working day and night for years, ever since he walked home one night while he was still in high school, tears streaming down his face as he was rejected by the one place he'd been dreaming of making a career in.

His stubborn teenage mind set on an idea and now that idea was in full bloom.

Although maybe he had lost track of what was important along the way…

Jisung stopped by your office as he was leaving. You came in your car this morning because you had plans to go out with your friend. He just stood there, watching you through the glass as you packed away your things, his eyes going to your dress, a ghost of a smile forming on his face as he noticed the color.

You always did look amazing in pink…

“Mr. Han,” Chaeryoung startled him out of his daze, making him snap his head towards her.

“Yes?” He tried to act nonchalant like he wasn't just staring at you like a creep. Then again — it couldn't be wrong to stare at your own wife, right? Chaeryoung didn't know anything. So all he had to do was act inconspicuously.

“Your car is waiting… Mr. Hwang told me to tell you.”

“Ah, thank you.” He nodded and licked his lips, turning to look at you once more before heading to the elevator.

Was it weird to be anxious about you not coming home even though it was past ten? When you two were almost strangers now? Well, strangers who had arguments over the dumbest things. Jisung almost laughed out loud when he thought about the argument you two had over the pillows on the couch in the living room, though his smile quickly faded away into sadness.

Arguing. That was all you two did now. Yell at each other, fight, and then go into separate rooms and put up the couple act the next day at work even though, on the inside, you were at each other's throats.

He paced around the living room of the penthouse, looking at the door every two seconds. This was the first time this had every happened — you going MIA for hours on end. And it was driving him nuts. Were you okay? Did you get hurt? Those were the only thoughts that were racing through his mind.

Jisung: Y/n, I know you're mad about the interview but it's getting late, where are you? [sent 8:07 pm]

Jisung: Y/n, I'm serious, this isn't funny. [sent 8:36 pm]

Jisung: Please come home and be mad [sent 9:15 pm]

Jisung: I'm going to call the cops if you don't come home soon [sent 9:45 pm]

Jisung: Y/n, please... come home... [sent 10:02 pm]

You still hadn't even seen his last text. Were you really that mad that you were staying out late? He was getting his jacket about to go out looking for you when he heard the front door click open, basically teleporting there, ready to talk your ear off on how immature it was to be upset about something like that until he saw your flushed cheeks and unbalanced walk as you took off your heels and put on your house slippers, cooing at the bunny face on them.

You were drunk…

He sighed, his frustration melting away as he saw you fawn over the slippers and then look up at him, your face breaking out into a grin, and stumbled towards him.

“Jisung…” You giggled and then hiccupped.

“God… how much did you even drink?”

“Just a bottle… or two…” You started to count on your fingers and then proudly presented the number four.

“That's not two…”

“It's not?” You lifted your hands to your face.

“You don't even drink on the weekdays… your hangover is going to be hell tomorrow.” You didn't even seem fazed by his words, your focus on his hair that you were playing with that giddy smile and red cheeks, twirling his brown curls on your finger which made him feel funny on the inside.

Jisung helped you to the bedroom, laying you down on the bed and deciding against letting you shower because you were too intoxicated to stand properly — what if you fell? He swallowed nervously as he laid down beside you, while you were out like a light moments after he put you on the soft mattress.

His phone vibrated with a notification.

Jeon Soyeon: Tell me when Y/n reaches your house. [read 10:35 pm]

“Ouch, full stop and everything.” He mumbled. Jisung knew Soyeon wasn't particularly enthusiastic with him lately, but he knew her as long as he knew you. He figured she knew about the truth of everything because you didn't listen to him when he told you that this had to be kept between the two of you — you were stubborn like that. And it also explained the sudden coldness of Soyeon towards him.

Jisung: She's here, came back a while ago. She fell asleep. [read 10:41 pm]

Jisung: How much did the two of you drink? [read 10:42 pm]

Jeon Soyeon: Enough to know that the next time I see you in person, you are screwed. [read 10:44 pm]

Jisung decided it was safe not to text anymore, placing the phone on his nightstand. Your best friend was a scary person, a sweet and kind one, but also very scary. He silently prayed that he wouldn't see her in the near future.

The room was quiet except for the soft snores coming from you. Once he made sure you were properly covered by the blanket so you wouldn't catch a cold, he laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling, letting all the thoughts that he'd push to the back of his mind throughout the day flood into his mind like an open damn, along with the ferocious emotions that came along with them.

Did the two of you use up all your love? Was that why things were the way they were? He never imagined a future where he'd ignore you even though his heart screamed at him to turn around and bury himself in your arms and never go away again.

Arguments kept replaying in his head over and over again, the sound of doors slamming, the tense silence that followed afterward. He couldn't even describe the emotion that he felt but it was so… suffocating. Was it guilt? Guilt for pushing you aside? For breaking every single promise that he had ever made to you — to keep you safe, to keep you happy, and to never make you cry. God knows how many times he'd made you cry recently.

His throat felt tight, a sob clawing its way out but he forced it down. He had no right to cry. It was his fault. His fault for choosing his idea over the love of his life.

When he closed his eyes, he was in water, surrounded by deep blue, the feel of water cold on his skin. Bubbles came out of his mouth as he sank deeper and deeper into the abyss, reaching out for help that wasn't there.

He was drowning.

Jisung sat up, taking deep breaths.

It's just a nightmare.

A recurring nightmare. Perhaps it was his subconscious telling him he was close to a path with no turning back, that he had to do something to save this relationship because he knew he couldn't live without you. How could he? He would rather die than live a life without you by his side. And yet here he was, hurting you every single day. His heart and his mind were working in the opposite directions and he didn't know how to make them come back to the same place.

Was it too late?

Jisung looked at your sleeping form, lifting a hesitant hand to your face and brushing your hair to the side. He sat there silently and watched you sleep, wondering if you went through the same turmoil that he did, or did you already give up?

It was the same tug of war every night, he'd go to sleep promising to be better the next morning, only to wake up and it would be the same.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand. He reached over and was going to put it on silent, but for some reason, his gut told him to open the email. As he read over the contents, a plan began forming in his head.

Maybe this time would be different.

⸻ EPILOGUE

College fairs were your favorite part of the year, especially since this was your last year in college. You were determined to do everything so you wouldn't think back and regret that you missed out on something. Although you didn't run your own stall, you loved going through them with your friend, Sunhee. The two of you were laughing at a joke you cracked, eating cotton candy. The sun was shining and the sky was blue — it was your picture-perfect recipe for an amazing day.

That was… until you spotted someone in the crowd. A boy with blonde hair, laughing his heart out at something someone said, he was doubling over, wiping tears off of his face. Your vision tunneled and you could only see him. Like you were in some romcom movie and you were seeing your love interest for the first time.

Your heart sped up in your chest and you turned a deaf ear to whatever your friend was saying. You couldn't focus on anything else other than that boy with that beautiful smile, you never knew you'd find something like that so attractive until then.

And it was like the universe was orchestrating the scene, because that boy somehow met your gaze, his smile faltering as he looked at you amidst the sea of people. You flushed and pushed your friend towards a stall that was selling matcha lattes, telling her you felt thirsty.

A while later and your mind was still on that boy. You were pulled out of your fantasy when someone spoke behind you, “Excuse me?” You turned around. “You dropped this…”

It was that boy you were staring at earlier. He too came to a pause in his words as a flicker of recognition went through his eyes. You took the beaded phone charm that you bought earlier from his hand, wondering how it fell out.

“Thank you…”

“No problem.” He smiled, and your heart stuttered in your chest. It was contagious — you found yourself breaking into a grin too. “Would you like to have some ice cream later? My friend is running a stand…” He asked nervously, pink dusting over his full cheeks.

You nodded, “I would love to.”

He broke out into that eye-crinkling smile which you noticed was heart-shaped now that you were standing in front of him. “Really? That's great!” Someone must've been calling him because he looked back and then at you again, taking a few steps back, “It's beside the dart game stall.”

You called out to him before you completely lost sight of him, a smile still on your face as you put your hands beside your mouth to amplify your voice, “I don't even know your name though!”

He turned around once more, mimicking your action, “Han! Han Jisung!”

⸻ COMING UP . . .

“When was the last time we went on a trip?” “Our honeymoon?”

“Oh, Y/n, how are you?” “Who is he?” “Just someone I know from college…”

“Something is going on between those two…”

“Please… just stay with me…”

AUTHOR'S NOTE : AHHH the first chapter. I would like to clarify I do not know how to run a company, I've written this after watching many TV shows — and speaking of TV shows, this is also highly inspired by Queen of Tears (I'm at the end of Episode 16 as I'm writing this). I would love to hear your feedback through comments and reblogs because this is the first time I've written something like this. See you next week ♡

©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited

#k-labels #stray kids #skz #skz x reader #skz imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #han jisung #han jisung x reader #han jisung smut #han jisung fluff #han jisung imagines #han jisung hard thoughts #han jisung hard hours #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #stray kids smut #skz smut

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thelastofhyde · 2 days

Text

hit the road, jack!

pairing. ex!jack daniels x fem!reader synopsis. the last time you sat in jack’s infamous bronco, you broke his heart. now, a year later, you’re sitting in it with a mud-stained wedding dress and he’s driving you back to the man you left at the altar. is one night, a thousand miles, and a well-timed car radio enough to remind you of the love you shared? warnings. road trip au, exes to lovers, runaway bride!reader, mutual pining, miscommunication/no communication, idiots in love, exes in love, minor character death, infidelity, one ( 1 ) comment regarding food restriction, mentions of period, smut ( unprotected piv, dirty talk, sex in public spaces, implied creampie, fairly non-descriptive ) the reader of this fic is mostly non-descript, with mentions of having hair long enough to stick to her neck when wet and hands smaller than jack's. word count. 14.7k hyde's input. quick disclaimer that this fic was admittedly better in my head, but i tried my best :') it unfortunately never got to reach it's full potential as my friends dragged me off on an unexpected trip on friday for my birthday (which is today aka the 23rd). because of that, i've not had time to finish the last few scenes as well as i'd hoped to (it's literally 5 am as i'm editing it bc it's the only chance i've had) but i don't want to post this any later as this is my entry to the #SummerLovin'24 event, organised and hosted by @pedgito, @chaotic-mystery & @amanitacowboy , a massive thank you to them for creating such a fun event. i really enjoyed taking part and i can not wait to sink my teeth into the other amazing fics from this event. if you care to listen, here is a playlist of songs mentioned/featured in the fic.

INTRO — silver springs.

“Time cast a spell on you, but you won’t forget me.”

Stevie Nicks et al chant out of old speakers, a bass blown out over time and an intruding static that demands to play alongside the band. Perched upon the bar counter, they sit adjacent to a cash register that shakes each time it opens, a slam seemingly the only way to close it. The swish of a mop over chequered vinyl flooring and the squeaks of a waitress’ coffee-stained sneakers play to their own tune. The passing of time turns it all to background noise.

Through lunch, through dinner, and two shift changes you’ve survived. Out in the parking lot now sits only a semi-truck, its drivers, two men in scuffed boots and jeans that fray at their seams, the only other customers that remain. One tucks into a Sloppy Joe, the other has fallen asleep against the table, his coffee turning as cold as your own.

You ordered the coffee for nothing more than an excuse to sit a while longer. Time for figuring out what’s next. What you’ll do, where you’ll go, how you’ll get there. The elderly couple who’d been kind enough to take you off the side of the road, moving luggage into the trunk to make space for you in the backseats, are now long gone from the roadside diner.

It wasn’t a sorrowful departure. You were quite happy to see them leave, and take their pitiful glances and unasked questions with them. The looks still linger on in others. Each pair of eyes you’ve encountered, dragging over the expanse of your messed up hair, and your smudged eyes, and your mud-stained gown. It’s not hard to imagine the scenes they play out in their heads, of a bride scorned and abandoned on what was meant to be the happiest day of her life, a day meant for vows and first dances twisted into one of heartbroken wandering and roadside pit-stops.

You wonder if any of them know you’re not the victim, but the aggressor. The one who fled, leaving behind a bouquet of striped carnations, marigolds, and purple hyacinths.

Tires crunch on gravel as a car rolls into the parking lot. Whichever fool sits behind the wheel has their full beams on. A light flickers over your head. It’s been doing so for the past hour, an irritating reflection in the window that steals your attention back into the diner.

The waitress is eyeing you again, a weary look on her face that tells you she wants to approach but doesn’t know how. Maybe she wants to ask if you’re okay, or enquire about the events that led you here, deep in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe she just wants you to close your tab and leave.

The bell above the door rings as it opens. It’s been a while since you heard it do so. A smile comes over the waitress as she greets the newcomer. Her eyes seem to take them in, slowly. From top to bottom, and right back to the top. Innocent, if not a little flirtatious. She’d not looked at either of the truckers that way. Perhaps this is her lover, here to wait about and keep a watchful eye as she works the night shift. You can’t imagine it’s the safest place in the world for a woman to find herself working through the twilight hours, nothing but open road and sky-rise trees surrounding the diner.

A sip from your coffee. It’s as cold as you expected. Bitter too, having not found your voice in time to ask for sugar. Your stomach growls, a plea for a meal. If you’d only stayed at the venue, you’d be full of vanilla frosting, and smoked oysters, and… had it been the coronation chicken or the roast sirloin the wedding planner had gone with in the end? You can’t remember. What you do remember is her unwanted advice: just stick to some light bites, no bride wants a food-baby in her pictures.

In retrospect, you’d disliked her from the moment you met her. But you had no desire to plan a wedding. And no time either, much to your future mother-in-law’s chagrin. So out she’d gone, a cat on the hunt, dragging home some mousy-brown haired wedding planner as a sacrificial lamb. Better it be her than you who stresses over the shade of napkins, and the taste of merlots, and the seating arrangements.

Footsteps thud against the floor. Slow, deliberate, not a stumble in the way they move. You stare back out the window and spy a cowboy hat reflected in it. It belongs to the waitress’ lover, who by now is likely making his way over to pull her in real close and swoon her with a kiss only men blessed by southern charm possess.

A different version of you, a happier version, used to be kissed like that every morning.

“Are you lost, sweetheart?” The voice of a man echoes. Softly spoken, yet loudly heard in the quiet of the diner. In the window, the cowboy hat stands right behind you. You turn slowly, let your eyes dance over its owner. Like a sculpture plucked out of ancient Rome, he’s a fine art only the most delicate hands could shape. He’s brown-eyed affection. He’s an aquiline nose. He’s a well-groomed moustache. He’s Jack. “Think it’s a few miles up north they’re expecting a pretty bride.”

Leather jackets and well-fitted jeans have been traded in for a suit. Simple, classic. White shirt, black tie, a trademark cowboy hat you’d never failed to spot amongst any crowd. There’s a crinkle where a cheeky grin meets eyes framed by full brows and lashes, a scar on his right temple a reminder of the kind of man he is. Dauntless, righteous, brave. An undercover agent, posing as the CFO of one of the largest whiskey distilleries in the world.

An illusion plays out where no time has passed and his is still the face you come home to each night. A lot can change in a year, however, like the bed you sleep in, or the ring upon your finger.

He welcomes himself into the seat across from you. The protective barrier of a water-ring stained table keeps a safe distance between you both, yet you still feel his knee knock against your own as he makes himself comfortable. One arm stretched over the backrest, the other rests against the table and drums a nervous tune with his fingers.

“You’ve worried a lot of people, darliln’,” his gaze studies you. You wonder if it’s the same look he used to give his targets. The thought sours the sweetness of seeing his pretty eyes after all these months. “Runnin’ off like that, not even a hoot or a holler to let your daddy know you’re alright.”

Your dad. He’d slipped off to the bathroom, a kiss to your cheek and a promise he’d be back in time to walk you down the aisle. What must he have thought, rounding the corner to the sight of a bouquet, abandoned a la Cinderella and her glass slipper. Before you stew in guilt for too long, the rest of Jack’s words catch up to you.

He knew you ranaway. That glimpse of a cowboy hat amongst the pews had not been an illusion.

Jack was at the wedding.

“What happened?” His hand seeks you out. Warm as you remember him to be, large enough to engulf your smaller palm in his. “Why’d you run?” You stay quiet. Shrug your shoulders, eventually, and stare down as his thumb brushes over your knuckles. “You gonna give me a proper answer, sweetheart?”

Another shoulder shrug leads Jack to a sigh. There’s a pause in the quiet tension brewing between you, in the shape of the smiling waitress, pen and pad in hand. Her eyes seem to dart between you both, and you can almost hear her wondering who Jack is, if he’s the man you were meant to meet at the end of the aisle. There’d been a time when yes was the only possible answer to such a question.

“A glass of your finest whiskey. Neat, of course. And how ‘bout somethin’ to please a sweet tooth, hm?” His foot bumps yours beneath the table, calling you to look at him. You meet his eyes, watch him raise his brows in question. “Spied a pretty mean lookin’ cherry pie on my way in. That sound good to you, darlin’?” Your mute staring continues. Your stomach takes control, answers him with a disgruntled growl from within. His head turns to the side, laughing, and he nods at the waitress. “Think she’s gonna need a slice of that pie, miss!”

The right to speak returns to you at last, as you watch the glass of liquid caramel be placed down in front of him, head turning to stare out the window, a familiar Bronco sits poorly parked, obnoxious in the way it treads the line of two parking spaces.

“You shouldn’t drink and drive.”

Surprise flashes over his face, but he recovers quickly, untensing his shoulders as he sinks further into the booth. “Didn't order it for me,” he slides the glass of whiskey over to you. “Eat up, drink up. You need it.”

Though it kills you to admit it, the first bite out of the pie feels like heaven in your mouth. Tart, sweet, with pastry so golden it’s as if King Midas baked it under the heat of his own hands. A sip of the whiskey isn’t so great, but you stomach the burn and accept the erasure of nerves it promises. Your eagerness to clear the plate and empty the glass has nothing to do with the approving smile Jack watches you with.

“How did you find me?”

“You doubtin’ my skills?” He’s teasing. You know this. Still, you fall into the trap of a panicked head shake, a cough over the final bite of cherry goodness. “I stopped at a gas station. Runnin’ on an empty in the middle of nowhere ain’t on my list of wants, you see. Overheard two kids talkin’ about some bride sittin’ at a dinner a few miles down. Don’t take no Hercule Poirot to figure it was you”

“Oh.”

You shouldn’t feel disappointed by his answer, there’s no reason a man you hurt so deeply would have any vested interest in finding you.

The last you’d seen of Jack was through your car’s rear-view mirror, his tear stricken face watching you drive away, five years of clothes, and shoes, and memories stuffed into your car. He’d begged you not to leave your shared home; offered to sleep in the spare room, give you both time to work things out between you. You’d been the one to declare it useless.

“This isn’t something we can fix, Jack!”

“But, darlin’, I love you.”

“A happy coincidence, I was lookin’ for ya anyway. You gonna tell me what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours yet?” At least this time your mute stare is paired with a head shake. “Look, I mean well when I say this, but darlin’, you’re lookin’ a mighty mess. Now, a pretty mess that may be, but a mess all the same.” His hand is back on yours, squeezing with enough strength to ground you and keep you from floating off into the landscape of your own conflicted mind. “So here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna take a trip to the gents, then I’m gonna square up whatever we owe this fine establishment, and then we’re gettin’ that pretty caboose of yours up'n out of here.”

Frozen where you sit, it takes a few moments for the warmth of whiskey to settle in your bones, lurching you forward when it does, a gasp and a tight grip at his wrist, holding him back before he can stroll away from the table.

“Where are we going?”

“For a drive, sweetheart.”

TRACK 1 — vienna

You and Jack are no strangers to a late night drive.

An entire love story, told within the confines of four wheels and a chassis. The very night you met, you wound up in his passenger seat, arms up in the air and the wind blowing through your hair, the charming cowboy next to you taking every joyful laugh as a plea to go faster, nothing ahead but the open road and a southern voice crooning out of the radio. Too lost in your own head, that’s what he’d claimed you to be, having strolled up to a lonely-you in a crowded bar, lamenting over a glass of bitter white wine, freshly fired and with no real clue of what you were going to do next. Never one to entertain a stranger, you’d tried to brush him off, but he flashed that smile and invited you, so tenderly as the intro to a Bruce Springsteen song began to play, to just give him one dance.

One dance led to unimaginable love.

As time passed, a relationship burst into full bloom, the imprint of you carved into the car’s leather. Jack insisted you grow accustomed to the life of a passenger princess. He picked you up from work, drove you to all your girls’ night outs, sacrificed hours of necessary sleep to drop you at airports, and train stations, and whatever other public transport your work trips demanded you to travel upon. But how could you dream of saying no when you got to ogle the view of him, one hand on the wheel, the other on your thigh, effortlessly manoeuvring his beloved vehicle.

The car came on couples' vacations, too, road trip getaways. Up north, past the Canadian borders, and down south to the skyline of Mexico City. Out west, a trail up to the Grand Canyon, the Empire State Building in the east. But the late night drives, those were your favourite. Times when life felt too much, with work stressing you out, or your parents giving you grief, or a stress headache gnawing away at your remaining sanity, Jack would tug you wordlessly out into the driveway, buckle your seatbelt, and drive off into the night. Roof down, radio on, the cool breeze clearing your mind.

The only breeze you feel now blows in through an open window.

Pulling away from the diner, Jack turned the wheels south, out into the dark of the night. Trees wall the road in, a never ending sea of pine-green lit by headlights, the looming presence of a dark, dangerous, rumbling sky above. A storm brews ahead, awaiting the perfect moment to crack open and drop a downpour on the world. Little words have been exchanged between you, most of them spoken by Jack, as he tells you about the nightmare he had checking in at his hotel, and the difficulty he had finding the venue, and just how beautiful you look in your dress, tears tracks and messy hair aside. Softly playing over the radio, Billy Joel seems to speak to you, pleading that you slow down, you crazy child.

“D’you remember our trip to Vienna?”

Your head snaps over to Jack. His eyes remain on the road ahead, and a part of you is thankful, unsure of how you’d fare gazing into them as melancholy tangles itself in their shades of brown. The other part misses how it used to feel to catch him watching you from the driver’s seat, affection incarnate as his loving gaze burned heat into your cheeks, your own voice pleading him to pay attention to the road, the light’s already green, Jack!

“How could I forget you almost getting us kicked out of Saint Peter’s church?”

“Hey, now darlin’, let’s not start playin’ the blame game!” His head turns once in your direction, a teasing smile splashed upon his rosy lips. You try not to think about how you’ve felt that very smile pressed against your mouth, memorised the shape of it so perfectly you could draw it with your eyes shut. “You knew what you were doin’ wearin’ that pretty little sundress.”

The dress in question had been a purposeful attack, an attempt at getting payback for the night prior, in which Jack found pleasure in reducing you to tears, begging for release hour after hour, after hour of edging touches. Never the best at putting up a fight against his pouting lips, pleading eyes, and filthy tongue, you’d caved into his hands the moment they skimmed their way up the length of your thigh, the watchful eyes of any Lord above be damned.

“I still dream of the garden’s at Schönbrunn Palace,” a sigh floats out of you as your brain hits play on a kaleidoscope of memories of strolling the grounds, hand in hand with a man you’d imagined yourself being with for the rest of your life.

If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes? He’d asked, as you watched a couple get engaged before your very eyes.

Promise me we’ll get married here, and I’ll consider it.

“I still have nightmares of the boat.”

“The boat!” The patterns in the kaleidoscope shift into images of a viennan skyline reflected upon glassy waters, a city cruise dragging you down the canal. “I still can’t believe you fell off it!”

“I jumped.”

“Backwards? Just admit it, you fell into that water!”

“I jumped, to make you laugh!”

“Oh, don’t worry, me and the coast guard were definitely laughing!”

A silence settles between you both. Jack drums his fingers along to the closing notes of the song, your foot does the same. It crosses your mind that this, in itself, may very well be a dream. Sitting back in the Bronco, staring over at Jack as he drives you both into the aimless night. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s visited your dreams.

You watch him inhale, deeply. With a blink, his eyes reflect the moonlight, glassy with unfallen tears, the image of him too beautiful to be fiction.

“Sometimes I wish we’d never left Vienna.”

His words cut you deep, the sorrow he speaks them with cuts you deeper. Barely a week back in your own home, suitcases still unpacked, pulling into the driveway hours after the unexpected funeral of a friend, you broke both your hearts.

All that goes up must come down and, in the very same place your relationship started, it ended. Sat across from him, rain beating down on the windows, tears trailing down your face. He begged you to stop before those words came out of your mouth, tried his best to switch the engine back on and pull out into the road. You’re just stressed, darlin’, he’d said, a deceptive whine in his voice cracking his straight-faced facade. Just need to clear your head, right? Lemme take ya for a drive. It was too late, your own hand curling back around the handle and forcing the door open, the water from outside flooding in. I’m sorry, I can’t be with you. Not anymore.

“Yeah,” you exhale, shaky. Swallowed emotions, a tight lipped smile, eyes that search for sanctuary out the window. “Me too.”

In the wing-mirror, lighting crashes amidst the sea of pine-green.

TRACK 2 — purple rain

A perfect summer’s storm.

Mother nature’s mid-June release of pent-up heat, making space amongst the skies for what’s yet to come in the scorching months of July and August, the last of any rain to be seen until September brings back the sombre skies and cooler weather. The rain falls heavily, a persistent thump-thump-thump of water that bounces off the car’s roof, bonnet, windows. In the sky, thunder roars an angry sound, each one louder than the last, followed by an even brighter flash of lighting that electrifies its surroundings, turning the black night into shades of violet, and midnight, and indigo, and purple.

“You’ve not bought any new albums? None at all?” The question comes as you flip through Jack’s collection of discs, a notable lack of change in his roster since the last time you’d sat in his car.

This lack of change is likely not without good reason, like the lack of time to go CD hunting between secret missions to save the world, or a general lack of interest in newer records. He’s always been a fan of the old fashion, after all, the home you’d once shared made up of collections of vintage whiskeys, and classic records, and faded wallpaper that he convinced you gave the kitchen charm.

“Nothin’ new since…” His eyes shift over your way, the look in them enough to wordlessly end his sentence. “You were always the one buyin’ me music. Said you didn’t want me get-”

“Getting bored on missions,” impulse seems to be what forces you to speak, an honest smile sent his way. “I remember.”

It had been a while into your relationship, with i-love-yous and apartment keys exchanged, until the truth of Jack’s job came up.

On your first date, he’d told you he was a businessman. A few dates later, he specified that he was an investor, dipping his fingers into the honey jar of some classically Texa whiskey distillery. Only a half lie, and not one that was hard to believe. Every fibre of his being, stitches and loose threads included, made sense as a man in the business of selling whiskey. The overzealous amount of Statesman whiskeys occupying the shelves in his apartment, the photos he’d send of the view from his high-rise office, the endless number of suits and ties that occupied his wardrobe, even his damn name, Jack Daniels.

Then, out came the truth.

A phone call from one of Jack’s co-workers, Ginger, lasting no more than five minutes and of which only three words mattered: Jack’s been shot.

A bullet through his head. Any ordinary man would have died. Yet there was your Jack, eyes open, a measly bandage over his temple, and standing up-right. To your own credit, you managed to keep a grasp on your sanity long enough to drive him home, cook him dinner, and sit yourself down across from him at the table. But when he pricked his finger on the tip of his knife, the rivulet of blood dripping down his finger was enough to send you over the edge. Open mouthed sobs, hands clinging to him the instant he sank down on his knees at your side, tears staining every inch of his white cotton t-shirt.

You could’ve died, Jack.

Now how could I go dyin’, when I got such a pretty reason to live for?

You begged with questions, he promised with answers. Hands intertwining with your own, a gentle voice guiding you out the apartment, the soft slam of a car door closing. He turned the key in the ignition, pulled your hand up to his mouth for a kiss, and drove you both off into the night. Under the melodic fall of rain beating down on the car, you came to terms with three facts: Jack was involved in the business of selling whiskey; Jack was otherwise known as agent Whiskey, esteemed senior agent to the Statesmen secret intelligence agency; and Jack was not often shot- at least not in the head.

Arriving home that night, with the rain falling heavy on your front lawn, you’d tried your best to dash from the car and into the house but Jack had other plans. He’d gripped your hand, and pulled you close, and kissed you under the flash of lighting. And when you dared whine that your clothes were soaked, he held you tighter and let himself guide your body into a gentle sway, two lovers under the moonlight and the storm. That night had ended with a fatal promise from Jack, your limbs entangled upon a shared bed, his lips pressing into your forehead.

I promise I’ll always come home to you safe.

“Don’t need no discs anyway, already got all I need right here,” Jack’s impeccable timing, seemingly sensing the shift in your demeanour. It’s like he knows what you’re thinking about, and trying to drag you out of the past and back to the present, his fingers stretching over to turn the volume up. A familiar set of haunting chords plays over the radio, a grin instantly appearing on his face. “Shit, they even got Princ-”

“Stop the car.”

“Huh?”

“Just pull over, Jack!”

Despite the confusion, he abides by your words, foot pressing down on the break, hands steering the wheels off-road, fingers switch the car off. Without the hum of the engine, the rainfall grows louder, the view out the windscreen suddenly blocked behind a wall of flowing water. The radio plays on, the voice of an angel singing lyrics that so aptly match the purple shades painted across the sky by the storm above. There’s a cautious echo of your name, and, for a moment, it’s easy to forget this is the first time you’ve heard him actually say it in over a year. It feels like just yesterday he was calling out to you, begging with solutions you weren’t willing to give.

Your heart beats with a longing to escape your chest, hard and steady against the cage that is your ribs. Your eyes fill with emotions from the past and of the present, as every version of yourself that’s sat within this car comes together as one. Your hand curls around the silver grip of the door, pulling it open and lunging yourself out into the pouring rain.

Under the storm's wrath, you’re reborn. Baptised by mother nature, a soul cleansed of all its prior troubles, returned to you brand new and free of heartbreak. As the rain soaks your face, your neck, your dress, it washes all the pain away. Breathing easy, head tilted back, eyes closed. It's the feeling of being alive, an anomalous euphoria found only beneath a thunderous sky. The tears that dare fall here mean little, a known comfort that they’ll mix with the rain and be swept away.

Enthralled under the moonlight and barefoot, you drift on through the trees that line these woods, chasing the sweet promise of petrichor. You’re unsure if it comes from the sky, or the trees, or Jack, but something calls your name. A fallen tree trunk becomes your own personal tightrope as you dance over the length of it, one careful foot in front of the other, arms stretched out to the heavens above. All it takes is one misplaced step and you lose your footing, slipping over moss and bracing for impact that never arrives.

“Heaven to Betsy, darlin’!” Jack’s hands, warm as a summer breeze, catch you by the waist, your shoulder socking him square in the face as you fall back into his figure. He makes no complaint of pain, taking it like a champ and placing you back down on steady ground, upon unsteady feet. “Did’ya sneak a few extra whiskeys when I was takin’ a leak?”

You open your mouth to reply, to deny, but the rain comes to a stop, and the thunder no longer rumbles, and the moonlight breaks through the parting blanket of clouds, and you’re suddenly so aware of how close you both are.

Like his hands, do his lips still feel the same? Soft as a feather, pillowy as a cloud, as sweet as a peach? It’s not something a married woman should be thinking about another man, about the man another version of her had loved.

But you’re not a married woman, are you?

Wet to the bone, it's as if your wedding dress has shrunk, possessive linen meant to warn you away from leaning forward till your face meets his.

“Careful where you point those eyes, sweetheart. Don’t go givin’ me a reason to make a dishonest woman out of you.” His warning only makes you want to lean in more, test just how dishonest he’s willing to make you, in a dress you wore for another man, upon a forest floor covered by moss, and mud, and rainfall.

He’s stepping back and holding out his hand before you can even try, saving you the trouble of mixing up your head even more.

Careful steps back to his car, where the radio plays on as Prince’s voice slowly fades out. The headlights are back on, the key sits in the ignition, and you half wonder just how quickly he chased after you, abandoning his precious car so carelessly at the side of a darkened country road, free for any Tom, Bill, or Sally to claim for themselves.

“You’re lucky I got spare clothes in the back,” Jack’s voice echoes out from where he stands, bent at the waist, and rummaging through the floor of the back seats. You want to think he’s not going this on purpose, putting himself on display so obviously, but it feels easier on your conscience to blame him for your own inability to stray your eyes away from how snugly the soaked dress pants hug his behind. “Ain’t no hope in hell I’d let you in my car, all drippin’ wet.”

“You never used to complain about me being wet in your car.”

It’s a quickfire response, the kind you don’t quite get the chance to think over before you say it. Though it may shock your own ears to hear, it seems to shock poor Jack more, the smack with which his head hits against the car’s roof loud enough that you almost feel it in your skull.

You rush over to his side, dress dragging through more mud, and more leaves, and more broken gravel. No chance to even rest your hand upon his arm, Jack’s already pulled himself out the car to face you, a splash of pink brewing across his cheeks and a hand soothing over the back of his head. In the backseats, his hat lays abandoned, knocked off in the commotion.

“Can’t just be sayin’ things like that, darlin’,” he says as he holds out a change of clothes for you, smugness in his voice yet a shake in his hand. “Not unless you’re tryin’ to give old Jack over here a heart attack.”

In silence, you both turn your back on each other. Jack does so in spare of your modesty, and you, in search of someplace dry to lay down his clothes. You do so upon the passenger seat, hands immediately contorting every manner of way they can to reach the dress’ buttons that span down the length of your spine, each more finicky than the last. You manage to free only two, in the very centre, before you sigh and wonder if the entrapment you feel in the white gown could get any more literal than this.

“Jack,” it only feels right to seek out his aid, you tell yourself, the sooner the buttons are undone, the sooner the dress will be off, the sooner you’ll be changed, and the sooner you’ll both get back on the road again, destination unknown. It only makes sense, really, so who could blame you when you say, “come help me out my dress.”

No reply comes your way.

At first, you think he’s not heard you. Then, you worry that he has, and is choosing to ignore such a request, thinking it best he keeps his hands away from any act that involves undressing you. Then, fear that you’ve given him that heart attack after all. Fingers brush wet hair off your shoulders before you can turn to check on the cowboy.

Cicadas scream out into the night, and some faceless host rants over the car radio about the rising conspiracy theory of spycams in childrens’ toys, and your heart beats louder than any set of drums could ever hope, but all you can hear is the steady breaths Jack pulls in and blows out behind you, so close you feel each exhale brush your skin. His fingers do so too, with each button they pop loose, each inch of skin he reveals.

Before you can ask him to touch you with more than just his mouth and breath, his own voice fills your ears.

“I used to dream about doin’ this someday.”

“I think we both know this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten a girl out her dress, Jack.”

“Is your mind ever anywhere but the damn gutter?” A pinch delivered against your left side, a chastising tsk accompanying his words. “I meant that I dreamt about this, me helpin’ you take your weddin’ dress off.”

There’s an audible hitch in your breath, one that perfectly tells Jack everything your own voice seems to fail to. Air stings at your eyes, yet you refuse to blink, too aware of the tears building within them. His warm hands dance back up your spine as the final button is loosened, tracing slowly over skin he’d once memorised, a missionary returning to the land it once knew.

Your dress falls to the floor.

“‘Course I never thought I’d be doin’ it on the side of the road, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

TRACK 3 — lover you should’ve come over

“Wait, are these pyjama pants?”

The realisation dawns upon you twenty minutes after you hit the road again. Confined to the small space of the Bronco with little to look at— besides Jack, his clothes still damp and smelling of summer rain, a towel laid over his seat— you’ve resorted to the finer details, picking apart the scraps of clothing he’d handed you. A plain white t-shirt that, when paired with one of his tight-fitting jeans and a corduroy-lined leather bomber jacket, becomes a Jack Daniels staple. You find it best to ignore how it smells of campfire, and sweat, and the cologne you’d bought Jack on your last anniversary. He’s paired it with a pair of blue chequered pyjama pants, loose-fitting yet tied securely around your waist by a fraying draw-string.

“Took myself and the old gal up to Alaska a few weeks back, chasin’ after a view of the Northern Lights.” There’s a flash of something hot, bright, green as you register his words, myself and the old gal, tamed and dampened only when you remember that’s what Jack calls the Bronco, his old gal. “I was livin’ out my car the whole trip, figured it was easier than trynna find some inn out in the middle of the Alaskan woods. In fact, if you check down there, pretty sure you’ll find some uneaten energy bars I packed for the trip.”

He seems to point aimlessly down at a space around your legs, hand back on the wheel and guiding the wheels around a harsh bend before you can truly pinpoint what he’s referring to. You settle on the glove compartment, sitting upright and reaching a hand out to pop it open.

Then you remember what it houses, the weapons Jack carries in there. The lasso, the whip, the pistol, the bullets. A sickness burns your throat, your eyes unable to even glance down at the opened compartment, instead searching for Jack’s own eyes that stare back with equal amounts of surprise.

“I forgot those were in there.” He steals the words right out your own mouth, a nervous chuckle following them. You’d known to never touch the dreaded compartment, for your own sake, too eager to forget about the parts of him that made him an agent, the parts of him that put him in danger. “You can read ‘em, if you want. They were written for you anyway.”

Confusion floods the soul, curiosity winning over survival and dictating that you muster the courage to turn your head, take a peak at what sits inside the glove box. When you do look, you find there’s no whip nor pistol, no piece of Agent Whiskey in sight. What is there are the energy bars he’d promised, a hiking guidebook of sorts, a map, and a stack of wrinkled envelopes.

One glance back at Jack, he encourages you to take them with a nod, and so, you do. Feel the weight of them all in your hands, do your best to not drop any as you pull them out onto your lap. They scatter all over you, each a different shade of white, unopened and all sporting a red return to sender stamp. All appear addressed to the same place, and it takes only a moment of wondering why it seems so familiar for you to realise.

It’s your old address.

“They’re all labelled with dates, I wrote the first one a few weeks after you left. Wasn’t sure where you’d moved to, I figured there was a chance you’d gone back to your old place. I never forgot about how much you loved that apartment,” he says, and you did. Leaving it behind had been hard, the first real home you’d made for yourself since moving out of your parent’s place, the first space you made your own in the world. The idea of making a new space with Jack, a place you could build together, share together, had outweighed the pain of saying goodbye to your little one-bed apartment. “Wrote the second one because you didn’t reply, and I was missin’ you. Then I just kept writin’ em, and sendin’ em, and waitin’ on you writin’ back, even if just to tell me to get lost. I got a note back, along with the letters, but it wasn’t from you. Some older couple moved in to your old place, told me they’d been keepin’ em all safe incase you ever came round to collect your old mail, but they figured it was time I stopped writin’ to a ghost.”

Attentive to his every word, you search for the letter with the earliest date. Sent two weeks after things ended, with a colourful stamp and a seal that’s slightly opened at the edges, the glue’s hold loosening with time and neglect. You tear it open completely and unfold the sheets of paper found within, eyes drawn immediately three quarters down the page.

I saw our friends tonight for the first time since you left. They asked how you’re doing and where you were. I thought they were just being cruel at first but no, they didn’t know about the break up. I told them you weren’t feeling well, that you decided to stay home tonight. I guess I just wanted one more night where you were still mine, even if it was just in the eyes of our friends. I will tell the truth next time I see them.

You feel as though you’re invading his privacy, reading over words he’d written months ago, despite being the intended audience. That doesn’t mean you have the willpower to stop, however, eyes diving deeper down the page.

Or maybe I won’t have to tell them. Maybe, next time I see them, you’ll have come home. There’s still a chance for us. I believe it because I love you. You said this wasn’t something we can fix. I think you’re wrong. There’s never been an issue we couldn’t solve by talking it through, why should this one be any different? Let’s get coffee, darling. Our usual place, our usual time, next Tuesday. We can get through this, you just have to let me know it’s something you want, that I’m something you still want.

Jack’s quiet in the driver’s seat, forgiving with the time he gives you to read over his letters. When the turning of pages and the ripping of envelopes rings too heavy in the car, your shoulders tensing up in a discomfort of disrupting the peaceful silence, he wordlessly turns the radio back up and the voice of Jeff Buckley greets you both.

You return to his letters, the second he’d sent already open in your palm.

I went to our usual spot. You never showed up. Your lack of reply to my letter should have been enough to tell me that, but I still had hope. Maybe I really am a fool. Our friends seem to think so. I told them about us and they immediately asked what I’d done wrong. There was no answer I could give them. The worst thing isn’t just that I’ve lost you, it’s that I don’t even know why.

You open the next envelope, and the next one, and the next one, paragraphs melting together into a heartbroken shape.

I tried to sleep in our bed. I lasted half an hour before crawling back to the guest room. Our room just feels too empty without you. I smell you everywhere no matter how many new sheets I buy.

Eggsy and Tilde got married. It’s the first wedding I’ve been to without you. I’m doing a lot of firsts without you recently. I hate it. Our friends (am I wrong to call them our friends? I’m not ready to just call them mine) tried setting me up with someone new. They showed me a picture and she’s beautiful, but I just kept comparing her to you. Against your beauty, she’s nothing.

Your mother was at the Statesman ground tour today. I was surprised to see her, she already done the tour years ago. I tried not to talk about you too much, I didn’t want her knowing how desperate I am to hear about you. Congratulations on your promotion, I always knew you’d get it. I’m so proud of you for finally applying for it. I heard you’ve started seeing somebody, a veteran turned mechanic. Your mother was kind enough to give me his name. I hope you understand that I don’t want to invade your privacy but I had to make sure you’re safe. The guy’s got a clean slate, other than a sketchy trip down to South America with some other vets. He seems like a good man. I want you to get your happy ending. Are you happy? I’m not.

Only one envelope remains unopened. The weight of it sits heavy in your lap, a fear settling in that has you not wanting to open it. You study the front of it, find out it was mailed three months ago. The radio moves in sync with you, it seems, the song that plays reaching its climatic moment at the same time as you do, tearing open the final letter. Next to you, Jack clears his throat and wrings his hands over the steering wheel.

This last one, you read the letter in full.

Darling girl,

Spring came faster this year. The daffodils you planted bloomed in early March. I’ve been tending to the garden, I know how much love you put into it. The flowers are coming up alright, the fruit and vegetables not so much. If only I had your green thumb.

I visited Tequila last week. I don’t know if it’s right to call him that anymore. Champ’s still not named his successor, part of me thinks he wants to retire it. That’s not what Tequila would’ve wanted. He would’ve wanted Ginger taking on the mantle. The grounds he’s on are beautiful, if not sombre. They overlook a lake, and the grass is cut everyday, and the sun shines on his grave from sunrise to sunset. I didn’t say much to him, just sat and enjoyed the view. Thought about a lot of things, and finally realised why you left.

You were scared. For me. I thought you were being selfish, breaking my heart like that, but I finally understand how awful that day must’ve been for you. We’d just buried my comrade, our friend, and you had to watch Tequila’s wife say her last goodbye, knowing it was almost me in that casket and you on the podium. That was my mission he went on, I could’ve been the one who didn’t come home to the woman I love.

I’m sorry I took so long to understand. I retired from my position at Statesman. I’m agent Whiskey no more. I’m coming to find you, and hope you give me one last real try at fixing us.

Love always,

your Jack.

“Your wedding invitation found me first,” Jack says, foot off the accelerator, eyes off the road, hands on the wheel.

The weight of his stare drags down to your lap, where the heap of papers now all sit, piled atop one another and rustling with every movement you make. Your own eyes have welled with tears that slip down the apples of your cheeks and splash the papers below, smudging the ink.

The confirmation of his invite knocks out the questions of how he wound up in the pews.

“I didn’t invite you,” you’re unsure if the truth is crueller than fiction. No part of you wants him to think you’d be so spiteful, so hurtful as to invite him to a day you’d once promised to share together. “I didn’t invite anyone. I was… busy, with work. My mom dealt with the invites, she must’ve written you down by accident.”

Your lips may be the ones to say it, but your own ears struggle to believe. Your mother’s always been a meticulous woman, practical, with her affairs eternally in order. The only mistakes she makes are the ones she means to.

“Yeah,” Jack sighs out from the driver’s seat, resignation in his voice. “I figured you didn’t invite me.”

TRACK 4 — 50 ways to leave your lover

Jack drives deeper into the night.

Out the car window, you watch as the world flies by, a blur of unlit trees and unmarked road signs. Earlier’s storm has rolled away and revealed the blanket of stars above, twinkling alongside a full moon. The road is long, and winding, and seemingly never ending. There’s no discussion of destination, no sanctuary you’re waiting to reach. You feel no urgency for it, either. So long as you sit right where you are, passenger in a car, you don’t have to take the wheel, you don’t have to choose where to go, or what to do. You can just exist within this liminal space, where no wedding lies in the balance and no hearts lay broken.

It’s just you and Jack, like the old days, going for a drive.

“Ask me,” permission comes off your tongue as you observe the driver and his less than subtle glances your way. “I can see the wheels turning in your head. Everything you wanted to know in the diner, I promise I’ll answer this time.”

“I guess I’m tryin’ to put myself in your shoes, figure out what was runnin’ through that pretty head of yours,” Jack is, at his core, a gentleman. For hours, he’s let you sit beside him, biting his own tongue and fighting back his own curiosity, a trait so vital to his existence it led him into a world of spies, and guns, and movie-esque kinds of evil. Even now, with your promised approval, he eases his way into his questioning, the part of him that knows you better than your own self dictating that this is something he must address with care. “How’d you do it?”

“I just slipped out the back, Jack,” there’s a chuckle of sorts that welcomes itself out the depths of Jack’s chest, your choice of words going hand in hand with that of the Paul Simon record reaching its end over the radio. As quick as the humour appears, it goes, leaving nothing but the unfortunate reality of the situation. “Someone left a door open, it led out onto the back gardens. The further away I got, the faster I started to run. I made it all the way past the highway on foot before an older couple pulled over. They dropped me off at a diner, and that’s where I stayed until-”

“Until I found you,” it’s a reminder you shouldn’t want, the image of Jack setting off to find you in the midst of the commotion of a missing bride. It’s not healthy for your poor psyche, already at odds with what it wants, no need for further complications brought on by unresolved feelings. You can’t help but smile at him, however, no filter strong enough to cover your subconscious’ joy. “Why did you run away?”

Your smile fades.

The promise you made is already at threat of being broken. You thought there’d be more questions, more time until he hit you with the heaviest of them all.

Why did you run away?

You know the answer. Of course you’ve known the answer, from the moment you decided to turn on your heel and sprint down the halls, in search of an escape. As much as you can pretend otherwise, and feign naivete, you can’t change the truth. That doesn’t mean you’re ready to admit it out loud, and so you refute it with a question of your own: “Why did you come to the wedding?”

It would be easy to forgive Jack for getting irate when faced with your avoidant response. He doesn’t even acknowledge it. Instead, he spins the steering wheel and shoots you a smile, the kind that used to keep you warm at night.

“I wasn’t goin’ to come at first,” comes his admittance. You can’t say you blame him, really, a picture of yourself in his shoes, receiving an invite to his wedding. The thought conjures a painful throb from your heart. “Nearly tossed the damn thing into the fireplace when I got it. A few weeks later, I met with Champ for a drink. Drank myself blind, till I started tellin’ him all about the invite. He told me I had to come.”

A lift of your eyebrows, a snap of your head towards him. There’s a desire to have his full attention on you. There’s also the awareness that the road acts as a buffer for the tensing heartache that swells and lulls between you, each exchange of words a game of painful chess. You make the choice to bring forth a pawn this once, a simple why?

“He said I’ve been livin’ with life on pause since you left, maybe watchin’ you marry another man would be the thing to help me hit play at last.”

INTERLUDE — go your own way

Like tires upon gravel, time rolls on.

No matter how easy it is to forget about the world outside, look out the window and pretend you’re simply on a train, trapped in a constant onward motion, there’s no ignoring the orange glow that begins to grow on the horizon, nor the red lights on the car radio that read 05:38. A new day grows fast upon you and, where you remain mute to it, Jack can not allow the fantasy to go on any longer.

The tires screech against the gravel and everything comes to a stop.

“Thinkin’ time’s up, sweetheart,” his hands retreat from the wheel, finding purchase on his thighs. You try not to follow their descent over the tailored suit, try not to think about the thick muscles that sit hidden beneath the black trousers. It’s not your place to think about them anymore. “Where are you goin’?”

Decision has never been something you’ve struggled with, much less when the choices are so simple and limited. Either you go back to the wedding venue, and meet whatever fate awaits you of scornful mothers, and disappointed fathers, and abandoned fiances. Or, you can go anywhere.

You make a mistake, let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, and end up asking yourself where will Jack go. He still lives in the home you once shared, this you know. Will he go there, pour himself a drink, and try to forget this night even happened?

You can still picture it all. The coffee table Jack hand-carved, both your initials engraved on the side. The picture frames all along the wall, a mural of memories shared between you. The matching set of mugs, eternally sitting on the drying board, waiting for Jack to stagger his way down the stairs and fill them with boiling coffee. If you walked through that door again, would you find everything just the way you left it? Or, has he gotten a new table, changed the pictures in the frames, bought new mugs? Is there someone there, right now, sleeping in his bed and waiting on his return?

A bitter taste overcomes your tongue at the thought, your insides twisting up like you’ve not spent the past few months sleeping next to someone else and saying yes to proposals you weren’t expecting.

“What do you think I should do?” You don’t want him to tell you to go home, you want him to say come home.

“You can’t ask that of me. My answer’s gonna be nothin’ but selfish.” Would it really be so bad, you wish to ask, if Jack was selfish? Maybe life would be easier if he was. He clears his throat, like he clears his mind, and gone is your moment to tell him you want selfish. “I can say this, though… Your fiance’s a good man, a kind man. Kind enough to trust your parents words and let me, a stranger, go searchin’ for you. He deserves to know what decision you make. It ain’t just your weddin’, it’s his too.”

He’s right, and you hate it.

There’s no way you can tell him now that you were even contemplating not going back, of disappearing into the sunrise with him, driving till life leads you down the right roads to find a new home, your old home, Jack.

The muddied wedding dress seems to call to you from the car boot, a whispering of your name that tells you to put it back on, go back, and walk down that aisle. You owe that much to your fiance, if he’ll still have you. With him, you’ve never had to worry about him coming home safe. With him, you could live a happy enough life, keep yourself busy enough to ignore all the what-ifs your mind would try seduce you with.

Besides, that’s what Jack needs, right? To see you marry another man, a final nail in the coffin named us, so he can finally move on with his life. You owe him that much, at least.

With a nod of your head and the straightening of your spine, you set your choice in stone, “drive me back to him, Jack.”

The engine shudders to life and the radio sets itself back on course, some upbeat voice that demands you go your own way, a musical slap delivered upon your face. Jack turns the steering wheel, rerouting the car’s course with an effortless u-turn before he presses down on the accelerator, propelling you forward down the paths you’ve already travelled.

You tell yourself you’re doing the right thing, even if a familiar dread starts to settle in the pit of your stomach, brushing them off as rational nerves. Who wouldn’t be anxious when facing a man they left at the altar?

A yawn escapes you.

“We’re a few hours out from the chateau.” There’s something in his voice that weighs on him, the tone between you shifting to something of desperation. Goodbye is a few hours away. This time, for good. “Sleep, it’s late.”

“Aren’t you tired?” Pull over, you want to say. Let’s sleep. The wedding can wait a few more hours.

How unfortunate that he cannot read your thoughts, understand the intentions behind your staring as you recline your chair, turn to face him on your side, hands crossed protectively over your abdomen.

One blink, and your eyes are already fighting to stay open, dragging you down into the depths of slumber.

“I’m fine. Don’t sleep much these days anyway,” the sound of Jack’s voice fades slowly into the background, melting away with the hum of the engine, and the turn of the wheels, and the voice on the radio. “Never got used to the feeling of an empty bed.”

TRACK 5 — i’m on fire

When your eyes next open, the sun’s warmth is caressing your face.

The sound of children’s laughter fills the air, and the smell of smoke fills your lungs, and the feeling of resting against Jack’s shoulder fills you with dread. Fearful to move, you take in all of him that you can see from this angle.

There’s no suit upon him, replaced with the casualness of a cotton t-shirt and a pair of faded denims. The hat’s back on his head, the curls of ungelled hair that peak through dry as a bone. A cigarette rests neatly between fingers on his left hand, the right one grasping at the neck of a beer bottle. No wheel sits in front of him, no gear shift keeps space between you. The Bronco’s been replaced with the view of your parent’s backyard and the comfort of a well cushioned outdoor couch.

You know this memory.

You’ve lived this memory.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” just like you remember, Jack’s stubbing out the half-smoked cigarette the moment he notices your open eyes. “How you feelin’?”

“Like my uterus is trying to carve its way out of me,” your mouth plays along with the dream, speaking the same words it had years ago.

“That good, huh?” A beer stained kiss meets the corner of your mouth, another follows up to your forehead, as Jack’s free hand reaches into his pocket, reemerging with silver foil between two fingers. “Got these off your mother. Let me go get you somethin’ to eat, then you can take two, hm?”

You remember thinking that you love him. You didn't dare speak it, however, simply nodding as you took the blister packet of paracetamol out his offering grasp and uncurled your legs back down onto the floor, stretching your arms. Jack bends down, presses his lips against the crown of your head, and then he’s off, venturing over to where your father stands grilling another round of burgers on the barbeque.

Jack’s always been a confident man. He carries himself with a head held high and a careless smile on his face, no chip on his shoulder and no flare for anger in his bones. A southern gentleman, who knows his own charms and, most dangerously, how to use them. Place him alone with your father, however, and watch how he crumbles like a house of cards. To the untrained eye, it’s unnoticeable, but you don’t miss the glances he spies your father with each time he throws out a joke, nor the way his hands can never seem to relax, a nervous tic of drumming against his thighs or balling into fists as he makes conversation with the older man. He’s desperate for the approval of your monotonous father, so desperate he fails to see he won it months ago,

“Eat up, drink up, you need it,” he says as he hands you the paper plate, and his half-drunk bottle of beer. He settles back down on the couch, pulling you into him once more. “Your old man was sayin’ we should probably head off soon, ‘fore it gets too late. Think he’s startin’ to warm up to me, he’s even worryin’ bout me drivin’ in the dark.”

“Oh, he loves you,” you take a bite, break two of the pills out their casing, wash them down with a swig of bitter beer. The summer sun burns in the corners of your eyes, forcing them into a squint. “He kept looking for you at the dinner table at my mom’s birthday, you should’ve seen his reaction when I told him you were stuck in New York slaving away in your office.”

Months later, you’d come to find out he wasn’t in New York, surrounded by mountains of paperwork, but somewhere in the south of France, hunting down some billionaire wine-maker with plans to poison the crops of surrounding vineyards, leaving only his wine safe to consume.

In your memory, Jack plucks the hat off his own head and rests it gently upon your own, a shaded barrier against the bright light in the sky. You thank him, he watches on quietly as you continue to eat, gaze not peeling itself away from you the whole time.

“What? Do I have ketchup on my face? Or, in my hair?” You’d asked him, mid-chew. No answer, more staring. Panic made a debut in your mind, suddenly alert to his unusual behaviour. “Wait, is it a bug? Jack, is there a bug in my hair?”

“I love you.”

No build up, no grand-speech, no overly romantic setting.

He said it like one shares the weather, or the time, or what they’re wanting for lunch. He said it like it was something he always said, would always say, despite it being the very first time you’d heard him do so. Tears had flown in quickly, your hormones already gone haywire with the unexpected arrival of shark week earlier that morning. There’s a vague assurance that you told him you loved him too, through tears, and he teased your weepy face with kisses down your cheeks and full-chested laughter.

“Bless your cotton socks, my sweet girl, cryin’ all cause old Jack says-”

“Tell me now baby, is he good to you?”

You jolt awake.

Jack’s by your side, suit on, hair air dried, one hand on the wheel, the other rests out the window. The roof is down, letting the sun shine on you and his caramel eyes. An old Springstein song plays in the background, the very same thing that coaxed you awake. Just like the dream, he takes a few minutes to notice your opened eyes, head turning your way as another car shoots off ahead of you both, overtaking him.

“You were mumblin’ in your sleep. Were you dreamin’ of somethin’ sweet?”

“I was,” too quick comes your reply. Too honest. Nerves have you stumbling over words, scrambling to pick them off the floor of your mind and spew out the first thing that doesn’t involve Jack and his easy-going professions of love. “About the first time my fiance told me he loves me.”

You regret it as soon as you speak, the visible halt to his smile. He overcorrects it, forcing a grin that stretches the corners of his mouth so tight it almost looks painful. “Well, c’mon, don’t go keepin’ it to yourself!”

“He, uh, wrote it in the sky.”

“How romantic. Pricey too, I bet.”

“It was his best man who did it, an ex military pilot.”

As you try to reminisce on the day, little memories blossom in your mind. Instead of vivid motion capture, the day is black and white, no sound. You don’t remember where you were, what he was wearing, how you felt when you read those words up above.

It happened only two months into your relationship, that you do remember. You also remember being parked in your old neighbourhood the night before, twenty minutes spent trying to will yourself to go knock on the door to your old home. The Bronco was in its usual spot, parked outside. No lights were on as you pulled away and willed yourself back to rational thinking.

“Jeez, if that’s how he’s tellin’ you he loves you, I can’t imagine how he proposed.”

You wonder if this is as tortuous for him as it is for you, listening to you detail the life you’d gone on to live just months after walking away from five years of love. “In a restaurant,” you can’t remember the name, or what you ate, or what you wore, as if the memory is one that doesn’t belong to you, never belonged to you. “I ordered dessert, ‘will you marry me?’ was written on it in cherry sauce.”

“You must’ve said yes immediately.”

“I did.”

You leave out the part where the whole restaurant had watched him get down on one knee, or the part where you rushed to the restroom right after accepting the ring, spewing your guts out in a stall. By morning, you told yourself it was fine, you were just feeling nervous.

After all, you loved him enough to spend time with him, so why not spend the rest of your life with him?

TRACK 6 — she’s always a woman

It had been too easy to forget the thing you loved most about road trips with Jack.

It wasn’t his constant commentary of interesting facts on sites you’d drive past, or his love for taking the long-way to anywhere and everywhere, or his ever-present need to drag your hand up to his lips with every few miles.

The thing you loved most was listening to his voice, unfiltered, unashamed, outloud, singing along to his favourite songs. The voice of a crooning angel and the shyness of a bashful fox. Every so often, when he’d catch you watching him a little too fondly as he sang along, he’d throw in a voice crack, or twist up a lyric into a sickly innuendo.

In the present, it’s you who interrupts his spirited rendition of a Billy Joel classic.

“You were right, in the letters,” the leather of your seat squeaks as you fix your posture, sit yourself up straight if only to force yourself to stop observing the way his lips fall into a natural pout and, instead, focus on memorising the licence plate that drives ahead. “I’m sorry.”

“Right about what?” As though nothing has changed, his hand extends towards your own, effortlessly intertwining your fingers, beginning an ascent to his mouth before mind takes over instinct and he’s letting you go, setting you free.

You give up on the licence plate ahead, turn your face once more towards Jack and his pouty lips.

“I couldn’t be with Agent Whiskey anymore.” A relationship made up of a man, a woman, and an agent. Whiskey would kiss you goodbye in the morning, while Jack would be the one to come home to you. With the passing of time, three became a crowd, and so you removed yourself. “I didn’t want to break your heart, Jack, I swear. But I also didn’t want to let you break mine. And you did, every time you walked out of our home and left me wondering if you’d ever come back. Then, when Tequila… You loved your job. You loved being Agent Whiskey. How could I ask you to leave that part of you behind?”

“Darlin’ if you think there’s any world where losin’ you was easier than losin’ Whiskey, you’re out of your mind.” Like his first I love you, he speaks words that flow out of him as easily as an exhale, as though they carry no weight to them. As though they do not momentarily flip your world on its axis and have you wishing he’d turn the car around, driving you both off into the forever you never got.

Yet another car overtakes the Bronco, its driver angrily pressing on his horn. You both continue to ignore the speed at which Jack drives. Up ahead, everything you’ve been dreading comes into view, an unmissable billboard. Clearview Manor.

50 miles to go. 50 miles till goodbye.

“I’m hungry.”

“Those energy bars should still be in there, if you’re wantin’-”

“Jack, I’m hungry,” you say it louder, hoping he’ll pick up what you’re laying down.“Can’t we stop somewhere for breakfast?”

His answer comes in the form of a left blinker switching on, wheels cutting over gravel and carrying you off the main road. Then, as if to break your heart some more than his last declaration, he turns to you. “If it had been me waitin’ on you at the end of the aisle, would you have ran?”

You try to picture it.

Jack, in his suit and tie, hands clasped behind his back to keep him from drumming nervous fingers over his thighs, eyes brimming with tears as you take your first step down the aisle. Would the panic have settled in? Would you have felt that same wrongness as when you’d been sneaking a peak at your fiance waiting down the aisle?

Would you have ran?

“It’s not something I planned, y’know? Running. I didn’t think it was even an option,” you’re laying your final card on the table, a truth you couldn't bring yourself to admit earlier at last coming out to play. You’re unsure if it dismisses or further condemns you for your runaway crimes. “I took a peak, at the ceremony hall, while waiting for my father. I needed to see what I was about to walk into. I guess I thought the nerves were just from that, the unknown. Then I saw you, a few rows from the back. At first I thought I was hallucinating, that you were just a man who happened to be wearing a cowboy hat. But then I saw my mum pulling you in for a hug, and I caught a glimpse of your face. That’s why I ran. I couldn’t… marry another man, not with you standing in the crowd.”

“You’ve not answered my question,” it’s the first you’ve seen Jack put his foot down since he dragged you out the diner, the seriousness etched into his frowning forehead and stamped onto his lips. “Would you have ran?”

“No.”

Jack just keeps driving.

TRACK 7 — dancing in the dark

“You can’t be serious!”

Squeezed into the corner booth of a dingy, run-down bar, you and Jack sit across from one another, digging into a stack of pancakes lathered in maple syrup.

The bartender and two of his patrons glance at you both every so often, and you have to wonder how odd a pair you and Jack must make. One dressed to the nines, if you ignore the dried mud at the bottom of his dress pants and his loosening tie, the other wearing yesterday’s make-up paired with cotton pyjama pants. You prefer it to the stares you’d gained in your wrinkled gown.

“Deadly. I’m a serious tap-dancin’ student,” his fork stabs into the fluffy goodness, dragging it along the plate, soaking the pancake in as much syrup as possible. You try not to think of mornings that used to be spent like this, sitting at your own table, flour in his hair and eggshells in your own, both of you ignoring the disastrous mess in the kitchen begging to be cleaned as you tuck into your homemade pancakes. “Retirement breeds weird hobbies.”

“Before long, you’ll be playing bingo at the old folks home.”

“I just have to ask, I really do,” a dread you haven’t felt since stepping out the car— with the help of Jack and his offering hand, the other holding your door open— creeps back in. You don’t want to talk about your own current reality, not when it’s been so easy to pretend none of the wedding fiasco happened and, instead, you’re simply catching up with Jack after bumping into each other in this bar. “This fiance of yours… is he bigger than me?”

As quick as it inflates, the tension pops.

“Oh my god, Jack!” You laugh, a little too loudly, and dip your head as other tables turn their heads your way.

“What?”

“You did not just ask me that.”

“Oh, but I did.”

“You can’t just say things like that!” In mock surrender, he throws his hands up. Your own grab ahold of your knife and fork once more, an ironclad focus on the near-empty plate as you will the shameful heat away from your face, mumbling over your words. “But, no, he isn’t bigger. Happy?”

“You’ve no idea.” As though you’re being haunted by music, a song begins to play over the speakers. You’re not the only one who takes notice, Jack’s eyes lighting up with a devious look, his legs already rising out of his seat. “Think that’s our queue, darlin’.”

“Sit back down.”

“Oh, c’mon now, don’t be so uptight,” he lays out his hand, begging for you to place your own in it. Flashes of a memory, six years back, the very same song playing as the very same man attempted to coax a dance out of you. “One dance, sweetheart, then I’ll leave you in peace.”

Just like your younger self, you’re incapable of resisting his baby cow eyes, letting him guide you out onto a makeshift dance floor before it’s too late to run back and hide in your seat, the eyes of strangers already piercing you with their questioning stares. If you weren’t deemed a strange pair with your attire alone, you certainly are now, feet stumbling awkwardly along with Bruce Springstein.

“This song was playin’ when we met,” he says it like you don’t know, like you don’t remember, like you aren’t replaying that night as you speak, pretending you’re both in that same crowd of swaying bodies, young, and naive, and on the cusp of experiencing the greatest love you’ll ever know, rather than here, on an empty dance floor, stumbling blindly through the hardships of holding each other so close, mutually aware you’re dancing on borrowed time and, soon, you’ll have to go. “Knowin’ now how it ends, if I was sent back in time, I’d still ask you to dance. I’d do it all again.”

“This gun’s for hire, even if we’re just…”

He spins you, drags you closer, sways you. It’s far less care-free than the first dance you shared, no alcohol to dull the shame and a whole lot of history packed between your bodies.

The first dance had been the thing you had dreaded most about your wedding, dancing with your husband, to a whole room of loved ones watching. Dancing now with Jack— even through all the embarrassment you feel as an elderly couple point over at you— feels easier, less daunting, so much so that you can’t help the way you start to laugh, arms loosening around his shoulders, hips moving less abashedly.

The two of you inch closer, and closer, and closer as the song reaches its end. Like a happy couple finishes their first dance, Jack’s mouth lands atop yours.

A gentle kiss, innocent of sin, it begs you to give back, to press your own mouth against his. You answer its calling, hand clasping at the back of his neck, holding him safely against you, less he drifts away and reveals this all to have been a dream, a nightmare, a delusion. Like coming home after a cold winter’s day, his kiss is the comfort of knowing you’re exactly where you belong.

And it’s absolutely terrifying.

You rip away from him, flashes of your fiance’s face blinding you as you stumble off, doing what you do best: running away. You miss the way the patrons all go back to their own drinks, and the way a new song comes on, and the way Jack chases after you, stopped only by the slamming of a bathroom door.

You come up for air when you find yourself faced with the image you paint in the mirror.

Never has there been a more heartbroken girl, eyes a mess of tears, and faded eyeliner, and smudged mascara, hair a nest fit enough for any bird to build its home in, body draped in the clothing of an ex-lover. It’s almost as frightening as the image you made yesterday, wedding gown freshly laced and make-up pristinely done.

A knock rings against the door.

It’s followed by a gentle call of your name.

You switch on the tap, welcome the cold splash of water over your face. Pray that, if you scrub hard enough, you’ll wipe away the taste of him, forget the shape of his touch, purge yourself of the desire to follow anywhere he may go. Your hand slips down your face, the dim bathroom light catches on something.

Your engagement ring, a tight shackle that binds you to someone else, reminds you of the closure you owe to Jack.

He calls your name again.

“Darlin’,” it’s muffled behind the door, but the regret in his voice is all too clear. “I just got caught up, I’m sorry. Come on out and we’ll get back on the road-”

The hinges creak as the door opens, only a crack, and your hand shoots out, grabbing a hold of Jack’s tie before you can will yourself to be rational.

He lets you invade his space with little protest, mouths returning to the dance they never got to complete. Hands move, slipping off ties, and undoing draw strings, and locking doors. There’s a mumble, are you sure, followed by a moan, please.

All hope of forgetting his skin is lost, a leg hooked around his waist, fingers tangled in his hair. He bites at your neck, and kisses along your jaw, and pants into your ear, all the while his hips rock back and forth against your own, filling you inch by inch. Mouth covered by your own hand, muffling a cry of his name as you feel him brush against that spine-tingling spot inside you. Your head falls back, eyes slip shut. Jack’s quick to rectify it.

“Watch, darlin’,” he whispers, a hand tilting your eyes down to where your two bodies meet. “ Want you to see how perfectly your lil’ pussy takes me.”

You do as he says, hypnotised by the sight of his cock, glistening in your own arousal, sawing in and out of you, each thrust deeper than the last.

“He can’t fuck you like this, can he?” Despite his ego-fueled words, there’s a desperation in his voice, a soul lost in a sea of darkness, searching for a life jacket. “Tell me he can’t.”

He can’t, you tell him, clinging onto him tighter, needier, begging him to never leave.

Any minute now, you worry, someone’s going to knock on the bathroom door, kick you both out. Instead, the music that plays outside the door seems to increase in volume.

“Fuckin’ made for me, meant for me,” both of you grow increasingly desperate, fingernails digging into flesh, and mouths rejoining in a frenzy of kisses, and the tightening of an invisible string, drawing you nearer and nearer to the edge. “My sweet girl.”

An end that comes all too soon, both of you exhausted, and spent, and collapsing against one another, a sticky mess left between your legs where his hips continue to rut into you through his own overstimulation.

“I’m sorry,” his head falls against your shoulder, burrows into the warmth of your neck. There’s a press of his lips against your skin, and a million apologies that follow. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I love you.”

“It’s okay, Jack,” you lie, sooth a hand over his back, ignore the tears you feel falling against your skin.

TRACK 8 — hit the road jack

The clock reads 13:18 as Jack brings the car to a stop.

A set of stairs lead up to a grand double-doored entrance, a sign post declaring the extravagant building as Clearview Manor. Rented for the whole weekend, the wedding party isn’t cited to leave until late Monday evening. Though all cars remain parked in the driveway, no familiar faces await your arrival.

“I hope you get your happy ending,” the two of you step out of the car in sync. A voice whispers that it’s the last time you’ll step out the Bronco, you brush it off and follow Jack as he makes his way over to the boot. “No one deserves it more than you, Jack.”

“No promises, darlin’,” he extends his arms to you, you almost move in for a hug.

The sight of your wedding dress, no longer porcelain white, stains of brown upon a greying fabric, reminds you of why you’re here. You try your best to smile earnestly as you take it off his hands, but fear it only heightens the distress that dilates your pupils. “I’ll see you inside, right?”

The boot slams shut, and it’s an awful reminder that your time together is coming to a close, Jack dons his signature smile, cowboy hat back on his head, a head that’s shaking no.

“The mighty fool that I am, thinkin’ I could stomach watchin’ you get married to another man. After this little road trip of ours… well, I guess I just ain’t ready to hit play yet.” A tongue made of lead, shoes filled with weights. Moving feels impossible, talking even more so. You want to say his name, tell him you don’t need to marry another man, crawl back into the Bronco and beg him to drive off. “Go’on, get! There’s a good man in there, waitin’ to give you everythin’ you deserve.”

Instead, you just turn on your heel, take the first step towards the rest of your life. A life without Jack.

Halfway up the stairway, the sound of Jack’s engine reaches your ears, followed quickly by the obnoxiously poignant car radio, giving its final performance for you both.

“Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back, no more, no more, no more, no more!”

Eyes meeting where Jack sits, back in the driver’s seat, you share one last laugh.

OUTRO — everywhere

“Thank god you’re okay.”

Two arms, strong and secure, wrap around your waist.

On the other side of the bridal suite door stands both your mother and your mother in law, ushered out by your fiance upon your return the moment he noticed the panic on your face as questions and fingers prodded at you.

You block out the thought of the scowling faces, burrowing your own into the space between his shoulder and neck, whispering your inquiry on, “how bad is the damage?”

“We told everyone you were suffering from food poisoning. All our guests think you’ve been spewing out of both ends the past few hours, but I think that’s justified for the bruising you’ve given my ego.”

“Santi,” the shape of your fiance’s name feels foreign in your mouth, the taste of it sour on your tongue, so much so that you can’t say it in full. “I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t be, what matters is you’re here now.”

Jack was right, your fiance is a nice man. A good man. A man anyone would be lucky to land in the arms of, the kind of man people dream of, and romance authors write of.

But to you, his arms just feel like a cage you’ve lost the key for. “Why did you ask me to marry you?”

“I don’t know. We just… make sense.”

“We do,” you pull apart, at last, nodding your head along to his answer. “But is that all marriage should be? Two people who make sense?” You stumble a few steps back from him, feet needing space to begin pacing back and forth as your filter slips and the word-vomit begins to spew itself out onto the pristine carpeted floors. “Do you really love me enough to spend the rest of your days with me? Because I don’t think you do, and I don’t think I love you like that either.”

Santiago is calm, collected, and completely unresponsive.

The longer he watches you pace and rant, the quicker you do each thing, as though you’re racing ahead to escape the fear of breaking his heart more than you already have, his love possibly more intense than you make it seem. He ends that fear in one foul swoop of words.

“When you didn’t walk down the aisle, I felt relieved. I also slept with someone at my bachelor party and the guilt has been eating me alive.”

“I just fucked my ex in a bathroom!” In an almost paradoxical response, the pair of you keen over in laughter, any expected animosity thrown out the metaphorical window and leaving you both no choice but to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. “God, we’re a mess.”

“Wait, the cowboy’s your ex? I should’ve known, your dad told him you were gone before he even bothered to tell me.” Santiago had little luck at winning over your dad, though admittedly it was no fault of his own but, rather, your father had yet to move on from Jack. There’s a sudden commotion as Santi rushes past you, peeling back the curtains and peering down out the window. “What car is it the cowboy drives?”

“A Bronco.”

“Well, you might wanna hurry, because he’s just pulling out of the parking bays.” It’s more than just a warning. It’s a blessing to leave. Overcome with emotion, you dive back into his arms and find there’s no fear of goodbye, not like there had been with Jack. An engagement ring that slips off with no resistance, no longer a shackle that ties you both together. You hand it back to him gently. “Go, before it’s too late! I’ll take care of this mess, see if I can spin this in a way that’s heartbreaking enough to get our deposit back.”

There’s more you want to say, but now’s not the time. Apologies and thank-yous can wait till you pick up your things from his apartment, right now you’re too busy rushing to the door.

A call of your name comes when you’ve got one foot out it, treading into the now motherless hallway. You face Santiago with a smile, ready to say that magic word.

Goodbye.

“Promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t invite me to your wedding.”

You make it out the double-doors, which slam loudly shut behind you, before you spot the retreating shape of Jack’s car and an anxious glee commands you to break out into a sprint, legs kicking faster than they ever have before.

Don’t speed up, you think, watching as the Bronco slowly creeps down the driveway.

“Jack!” You call out to him, hoping that, with the open roof, he’ll somehow hear you over the radio. Pushing your feet to move a little faster, your arms join the mix, waving wildly to the wind, a careless attempt to catch his attention in the rearview mirror. “Wait!”

The car breaks with a squeak, the blaring music comes to a halt, and Jack turns to face you with his own eyes, as though he can’t trust the mirrors. When you reach the car, you pull at the door handle and find he’s already unlocked it. You slide in with ease, back into the seat you’ve always belonged in: by his side.

He can’t seem to move, frozen with his eyes focused on nothing but you.

“Drive, jack,” you finally proclaim, asking him what you should’ve the moment you saw him in that diner, in the pews, in the heartbreaking hours post-burying a friend.

“Where to, darlin’?”

“Anywhere, everywhere!” You can’t help the smile that overcomes you as he pulls your hand up to his mouth, planting a familiar kiss upon it, before the engine hums back to life. “It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you, all roads lead home.”

Like old times, you lean forward and turn up the radio, a familiar tune filling the air as you sink back into your seat, the wind back in your hair and an open road laying ahead, ready to lead you both wherever the wheels may take you.

“Oh I, I wanna be with you everywhere.”

bts with hyde. this is just a little reflective commentary that i put down here, to avoid flooding my author's note with too much rambling. please feel free to skip this!!

this fic is a compilation of firsts for me. it's the first challenge i've taken part in within the pedro fanspace, which has been equally exciting as it has been daunting. i struggle immensely with writing on a time schedule, and so i'm pretty proud of myself for not posting this (too) late.

this is also my first time writing for jack. admitedly, i'm not sure if i've done justice to him, as his character is somehow incredibly strong and, yet, so open for interpretation that i found myself struggling to connect with him in my writing. i have no plans to write for him in any future wips, but that might change. it was definitely fun to push myself out my comfort zone and write for a new character!

something i want to praise myself for is the attention i put into smaller details of this fic. for example, each flower mentioned in this fic has a very specific symbol/meaning attached to it, fitting with the themes of the scenes in which they're mentioned. the other place i hyperfocused on very unimportant details is the playlist. it opens and closes on the only two songs fronted by a female vocalist, with my intention being that these songs are a representation of the reader's inner turmoils and thoughts in the opening and closing scenes. the rest of the playlist is full of male vocalists, giving a peak into jack's mind despite the entire fic being told through the reader's eyes.

okay, i've given myself enough delusional and unnecesary praise, i'm going to sleep now. please don't be mean if you didn't like this fic, it's literally my birthday 🫡

if you've read this far, ily, i hope you have a good day !

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