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protege-not-protagonist · 9 months

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Criminal Minds: The Protégé Chapter 5

Ch 5: My Brother's Keeper Pt. 2

Blurb: The team work out the new Unsub's motives and start searching for a suspect who fits the profile. But as Grace works the case, certain aspects of it stir up a past she would rather forget. Meanwhile Spencer can't help but start working on the victimology of this new possible serial killer back home.

Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Audience: 16+ mature audience for depictions of violence and sexual references

Author's Note: if you see a trigger warning that concerns you, you can scroll to end and I'll have a brief description what happens and how you can avoid it.

TW: Ableism, child death, violence, gore, crime scene depiction, kidnapping.

BAU, Quantico, VA, 7:45 PM

Spencer knocked on the door of Penelope’s cave. She didn’t turn around, continuing to stare at the collection of monitors in front of her.

‘Who dare’s seek the goddess of knowledge and everyone’s business? Speak mortal.’

‘Hi Garcia,’ he announced himself sheepishly and braced for a bone-crushing hug.

‘Oh oH My GOd! You’re HEERRREEE! You’ve come to see meee!!! Here at work!’ she lept from her chair and all but tackled him. ‘It is way past home time, Mr. Why are you still here? Not that I’m not happy to see you, but I thought you weren’t going to come here any more-’

He pulled back and shrugged. ‘I wish I could say that I came on a whim, but I need to ask you something. I thought it would be more polite to ask the goddess of knowledge in person. She would perhaps be more gracious than if I only spoke to her on the phone. I wouldn’t want to anger her.’

‘I don’t think I could ever be angry at you, gorgeous grey matter!’ She planted a kiss on his cheek and smiled at him. ‘What’s up?’

He looked at the numerous lists the computers were compiling and searching. ‘How is the case in Groton going?’

‘It is not good, and very icky. It’s a family annihilator. The parents are still missing, the children are confirmed dead, the team is waiting for the state police to arrive and they're still working on the profile. I am trawling through everything I can get my hands on, but there are no suspects yet, and the profile is too broad, and I am miserable. I don’t want to go home without finding something.’ She sunk back into her chair, deflated. She then cocked her head, ‘Hang on, how did you know about the case?’

‘I was speaking with Agent Matthews this morning. Alvez came to tell her they were getting called away to it,’ he said and watched Garcia’s expression brighten with excitement. ‘What?’

‘Oh my god, you guys finally met. What was it like? She adorable, right? She’s like a tiny Baby Spencer. Except, well, she’s not tiny at all. She is almost as tall as you, and really quiet somehow. Have you noticed that? She’s like a ninja. Actually, it makes sense, because she literally is a ninja, she has a black belt, did you know that?’

‘No, I didn’t. I don’t know much about her. I just met her today.’ He frowned. A martial artist? He hadn’t picked that.

‘You wouldn’t expect it, right?’ Her face fell, seeing his slight frown. ‘Don’t worry though, she is probably more unco than you ever were,’ she interjected. He frowned because a martial arts back ground really blindsided him, but he knew from Garcia's expression she thought it was because she told him Matthews was "cool." She didn’t want him to think she had replaced him. He smiled as she rambled. ‘Like way more unco than you were. Last month, Simmons tried to get her to sub in for the FBI mixed volleyball team, because she mentioned she did it in high school. She didn’t tell us she had only umpired though. She didn’t want to let the team down. Poor baby got Scott-Stirling-ed by a buff firefighter first serve-’ He watched Garcia's loyalties conflict on her face as she realised in trying to reassure him, she had embarrassed Grace. ‘-Um please don’t tell her I told you, we’re not supposed to talk about it. Simmons was devastated that the FBI lost to firefighters. It knocked us out of the finals for the first time in years. And Grace was really upset-'

‘-Garcia,' he stopped her. 'It’s fine. I like her. She seems like a good fit here. She’s nice.’ He smiled at her, letting her know he approved. ‘Nice’ was the key criteria they both hoped for in all members they worked with. ‘What is Scott-Stirling-ed?’

‘It’s a reference to a meme, she um got-’ Garcia mimed getting smacked in the face and passing out.

‘Ouch.’ He winced. Speaking of Agent Matthews, the pulled out her notepad, ‘Hey Garcia, I know you’re busy, but-’

‘Anything for you, Reid,’ she gave him her full attention. ‘Hit me.’

‘Did Matthews ask you for mortality data for the past 5 years?’

‘No, she did not. I am trying not to get offended, but she knows her way around data collection and can use Excel like no man's business. Was it for her thesis?’

‘Thesis?’ He asked in surprise. ‘She’s working on a Ph.D?’

‘Ah, she would have called it her personal project?’ Garcia said smugly.

‘Yeah?’ He asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘I’ve been here long enough to pick up a few things from you profilers. Grace has this complex about being seen as smart. I can’t work it out. When she’s around people she doesn’t know or sees as superior, like people she should show off to, she acts… shy, but that’s not the right word, it's more like she’s afraid of people knowing she’s smart. For example, now when I ask her what she did on the weekend, she tells me exactly what she did. But if I asked her when she first started, or if Tara, JJ or Emily asks… she like normal-ifies her life. “Oh, I had brunch with a friend, did some chores, worked on a puzzle.” Except I know her friend is actually her supervisor, Dr Boland, with the Smithsonian. The puzzle is sorting boxes of bones in the unidentified collection. Chores is code for personal stuff, that I won’t share with you because she trusts me enough to tell me. It’s weird, but you should be flattered. It means she has a high opinion of you.’

He nodded. ‘Yeah, but she sees you as a friend, which I can tell makes you feel just a little superior to me right now.’

Garcia giggled. ‘Maybe just a bit. But the thesis, I don’t think she’s got a solid hypothesis, but she’s looking at something to do with efficient grave finding. Somehow from that, she’s working a model for clandestine-depression—something-or-other. It’s beyond me.’

‘You mean a predictive model for Secondary Depression indicators of clandestine burials?’ He guessed.

Garcia shook her head, ‘I don’t know what that means Reid, but it sounds kinda similar to what she told me. Please don’t tell her, but I kinda... wasn’t listening when she explained it to me.' She grimaced. 'I love her to bits, but I switched off as soon as she said grave finding. And I know that’s bad, but it was Saturday. Saturday. A day off and we were having bubble tea and enjoying the Romantasy Fiction Festival. I wanted to think about hot elvish princes, to buy merch, and get a book signed. I did NOT want to think about bones.’

‘She said it was a fantasy novel convention.’ He frowned, ‘What’s Romantasy?’

‘Oh Reid, I’m sure you pretty little head will work it out, but she wasn’t lying. It was a fantasy novel convention. I, however, was solely there for the more spicy adult readers panel, which, I may have miss judged Grace’s interests and booked her a seat for as well. And that may have triggered the nervous ramble about said thesis on the way to the YA fiction stands she wanted to visit Afterwards. Like I said, graves are her comfort zone, elvish princes are mine. Anyway, why is her thesis important?’

He nodded along, ‘Would you say her research is more generalised, doesn’t involve case studies?’

‘Yeah.’ She nodded. ‘She is working with is census data. She is going off public information, said it would be unfair to fellow students if she used FBI resources. I think she’s been compiling data: place of death, cause of death, place of burial, missing persons reports, geographic data and also weather data.’

‘So she hasn’t asked you to pull case files for specific people?’ He pried.

‘She asked me for Nathan Harris’s files yesterday, oh and one of Rossi’s interviews from a few years back, but she did come to me after she couldn’t find them herself. I get the sense she doesn’t want to bother me. She’ll even go to the basement and go through the compactors before asking me to search for something,’ Garcia told him.

‘Can you see if she has pulled any files by herself?’

‘What has she done? Is she in trouble?’ Garcia asked and quickly pulled Grace’s work search history.

There was nothing related to old cases that he could see recently. That was good news. If their hunch was right, they were dealing with a highly intelligent, sophisticated killer who might have had access to their case files. And those types had been the most dangerous the BAU had dealt with. It was not something Grace should pursue alone. It was dangerous.

‘Reid, what is going on?’

‘Can I get you to discreetly compile a list-’ She turned around and poised her hands over the keyboard, ‘-of every case we’ve worked on has led to an incarceration noting that an unsub is criminally insane or a person being institutionalised, as well as the current status of that unsub and print it for me? Can you also set a tip off warning if anyone accesses more than one of those files or searches the same parameters?’

‘Oof, that is a big list, that will take all night compile and print, tree killer, especially with these babies already searching like 7 different databases for all these things-’

‘It’s okay, it’s personal request, it might not be serious, I can come back tomorrow and pick up the list,’ he tried to brush it off, not wanting to alarm her. But it didn't work.

‘Why the secrecy and setting the tip offs them?’ She stared at him with worry. And he knew he couldn’t lie to her.

‘Agent Matthews found a pattern that might indicate an active serial killer while compiling her data, but it’s hard to tell at this stage. If there is one, they’re making the deaths look like suicides. It’ll be faster if I go through them rather than trying to correlate it with the computer. I remember what we profiled. I’ll be able to determine if it’s in character or suspicious. You guys can take it from there. But Garcia, if this unsub is out there… it would mean he has access to our files or has been following our cases closely for years.’ Spencer watched carefully to see any sign of fear in her. He knew how personal things got for her if the unsub was inside the system or could find out that anyone was looking for them. But there was no hesitation.

She finished typing and hit enter. ‘I’ve queued it up for you. That list should be ready and printed by morning.’

'Garcia,' he placed a hand on her shoulder, ‘Thank you so much.’

‘You are very welcome.’

The computer chimed, and they both looked at the alert on the screen.

‘Oh no. No, no,’ she winced.

His eyes flicked over the preliminary report the Highway Serial Crimes database had just flagged and he sighed. ‘I know this isn’t the news you hoped to update them with, but until we get people to Rapid City and process the crime scene, there’s not much else you can do from here once you send the team that. Have you eaten yet?’

She shook her head.

‘Well, we better fix that. Do you want to grab dinner with me?’

She managed a small smile. ‘I’ll never say no to spending time with my favourite genius. Tandoori or Burritos?’

‘Actually there’s this new Korean barbeque place I really enjoy-’

‘Done. I will drown my sorrows in kimchi and gyoza.’

‘Wait, did you just say I’m your favourite genius?’ He pretended to preen, which made her laugh. Good. He couldn’t leave her without putting a smile back on her face.

------- Groton, SD, Gold Stallion Inn Thursday July 8:15PM

The team reviewed their evidence, waiting for the State Troopers to arrive. They picked at the bowls of loaded fries the Inn’s owner had served them. They established a headquarters in the Inn’s adjoining diner that had been commandeered. The local police were looking at camera footage from the main road’s traffic light, trying to pin a time on the abduction by spotting the family car. Avery and Dr Boland were debriefing the CSI team and cataloguing the personal effects in the Gile’s room. They were also processing prints they had found. Nothing had come from it so far.

Dr Lewis updated the case board as the new crime scene photos came through. Garcia had found a link: Rapid City PD, the state capital, had just reported the bodies of a man and a woman who matched the description of their kidnapped parents. Photos of Lilian and Travis Giles Bodies stared back at her and names were now attached to the photos of the victims she had just seen: Tyler and Connor.

Grace was surprised that the parents weren’t as hard to identify. Their deaths were nowhere near as brutal. If it weren’t for the stolen car, she would not have thought it was the same unsub.

The Giles were found in a ditch next to a main road. Posed next to each other, single shots to the chest. She would guess a 24. Calibre. There were no casings, so he’d used a revolver or was more organised than they thought and took the casings with him. He had also dumped the Giles’ car as well. That was what disturbed her the most; he’d be looking for another ride, which meant he’d be looking for new victims.

The profile of a Family Annihilator was typically a patriarchal male narcissist who was experiencing stress, which presented as rage directed at his own family. However, this wasn’t his own family, and annihilators usually fitted into a certain typology. There were kills with motivators like; financial gain; drugs; sadism; or jealousy that an ex-partner had moved on. Or there were fantasy motivated kills; like believing a delusion that by killing a family, they were protecting them; assuming the role of a parent, inserting themselves in the family; punishing a certain member of the family for their own family troubles; or the involvement of a sexual fantasy.

This had various elements, but not enough to point to a specific motivator. Then there was also the overkill on the children that had a disability as well. This case seemed all over the place, yet somehow, in this unsub’s head it made sense, trying to untangle that was proving difficult.

Grace sat on the table closest to the map with her legs criss-crossed. A can of diet coke appeared in her vision unprompted. ‘You need some caffeine?’ Prentiss offered her her favourite beverage. She took it appreciatively and nodded a thanks as Prentiss continued pacing the diner, talking out loud to the team.

‘Okay, so this guy is one of a kind. There’s no sexual assault to any of the family members, overkill on kids. Then he is taking the parents across the state before killing them. Why, how does it all connect?’

‘Maybe he enjoys prolonging the terror of the parents. But if that the case why the overkill on the kids?’ Rossi put forward.

‘Well, separating the family would raise anxiety and terror for both the parents and the kids. Maybe there’s something there.’ Alvez agreed.

‘The posing of the parents, the shots to the chest could be a message, something about love or the family unit?’ Dr Lewis suggested.

‘What I don’t get is how did he get the parents to go with him all the way? I wouldn't comply if he did that to my kids. I'd be too broken to drive. I have no reason to follow directions.’ JJ pointed out.

‘Well, maybe that’s it, maybe the parents don’t know? Maybe he takes and kills the kids before the parents notice them missing. Then he threatens the parents, tells them to drive, do what he says and they will see their kids again,’ Simmons proposed.

There were nods of agreement around as Emily added their points to the board.

‘But if he is not showing the parents their kids’ remains, then it’s not about the psychological torture for the parents. Which means this whole thing is about the children. It’s the kids he is angry at, their the target of his rage.’ Dr Lewis spoke, and Grace focused on the map in front of her.

Dr Reid’s advice played in her mind as her team’s theories continued to bounce around. She placed her finger on Minneapolis, where the Giles were from, and drew it across to Groton, then from Groton to Rapid City.

Why Groton? There was nothing to attract the Giles family here, no personal connection. Simmons said it was a rest stop, but where were the victims going if they chose to stop in Groton? They most likely took Route 12 to get here, so perhaps the route went somewhere important. Using her phone, she searched Route 12. The result surprised her; it was a scenic route. It went all the way to Washington State coast. Coast to coast pretty much east to west. It was a tourist drive.

The next question was why dispose of the child victims at a golf course and then drive 6 hours with the parents in their own car and kill them, and dump them and their car?

Answer was that the car ride had to be some kind of ritual.

To get to Rapid City he would have taken Route 37 south and then Route 11 to west to Rapid City. When she typed Route 37 and 11 into google, all it did was confirm that it was the fastest route to get to Rapid city. There wasn’t much else about it. So if it wasn’t about the journey, it had to be the destination. She searched the map in front of her around the Rapid City area and something stood out nearby.

‘Mount Rushmore,’ she voiced.

‘What you got there Five-O?’ Alvez asked as he spied her put a pin on Mount Rushmore.

She thought of the timeline. The Giles checked in to the inn and had dinner around 7:40. The map said that the journey was about four hours, which meant they left Minneapolis at around 3:30. on a Wednesday. It clicked; school. School was out. It was summer. Grace swept her eyes over the Giles’ belongings CSI were cataloguing into evidence across the other side of the diner. She looked over at the table of belongs and saw large full suitcases, multiple camera bags, a large advanced first aid kit and a Nintendo Switch. The family left Minneapolis and drove as far as they could before they would need to stop for dinner and a rest. This was supposed to be a road trip holiday. Probably the first the family had been able to go on because Tyler, the younger boy, was now old enough that his bones didn’t fracture as easily.

On the other side of the equation, the trip the unsub took to Rapid City was around six hours. Right nearby was a famous landmark, and the fact that the car was dumped might suggest that the unsub was taking a rest, like he would stay the night there.

Four to six hours was the distance you would travel a day if you had kids in the car.

‘I think it’s a road trip,’ she turned to her team, ‘He saw the Giles family was on a road trip. That’s why he chose them. He kills the kids to get rid of them and then makes the parents fulfil his fantasy; he made the parents drive him to see mount Rushmore. That’s his fantasy: he is on a family road trip and he has their undivided attention.’

Everyone went silent. It wasn’t the last piece of the puzzle, but it certainly filled in a lot.

‘This guy wants to be an only child,’ Rossi concluded.

Prentiss stalked forward and with confidence wrote in big letters across the board; JEALOUS ANNIHILATOR.

-------- Groton, SD, Gold Stallion Inn Thursday July 8:35 pm

‘We are looking for a white male in his late 20s to early 30s. He is definitely physically fit and we believe he has served time before. He is emotionally immature, violent, bad tempered, and a narcissist. He has an inflated ego and this will make him difficult to be around. He most likely doesn’t have many friends or stable relationships because of this,’ Prentiss told the gathered police, CSI, and State Troopers. They all listened intently, some even scribbled notes down.

‘This guy would be in and out of a job or in a job that afforded him isolation, but it will be a menial job with physical labour. This kind of job paired with his narcissism makes him feel undervalued and un-listened to. He craves validation attention. And this is something he has struggled with since childhood.’ Alvez explained.

‘We are looking for a type of killer called a Family Annihilator. This unsub falls in the jealous type. This type of killer is usually a patriarchal male jealous of his Ex “replacing” him with a new partner or new relationship, which results in the unsub killing his own family. However, in this case, instead of a patriarchal role, he is taking on the role of a child. He is jealous of his siblings. He wants to be an only child. And also unusually in this case, he is subjecting other families to his rage which indicates he cannot inflict this upon his own family. Now this will because he can’t get to them, is too afraid too, or he has already killed members of his family and cannot complete the fantasy. The target of his rage is mostly likely his younger siblings, who probably have a physical disability that affects their mobility.’ Grace detailed and met Avery’s eyes. He sent her an encouraging nod as he prepared a press brief.

'As this guy seems to have periods of organised behaviour and disorganised behaviour, is likely that he is delusional and has suffered a psychotic break caused by a recent stressful event. He is stuck in a fantasy that involves going on a road trip holiday as an only child and when reality breaks that fantasy; he snaps. We need to issue this warning to the public: Holidaying families with physically disabled children need to be aware and exercise caution. Stay together and ensure their vehicles and hotel rooms are locked. Be wary of hitchhikers and rest stops.’ Rossi told them.

‘As the children of the family were killed first and brutally, the children are surrogates for people he really wants to kill or wants to relive killing. These would be his own siblings. They would have probably been younger than him and had mobility issues. This would have resulted in them receiving more attention and care from his parents. Which, when met with his difficulty in empathising and narcissism, caused extreme resentment. He likely expressed this in outbursts of rage throughout his youth, attempting to gain attention.’ Dr Lewis explained.

‘His delusion is trying to recreate something from his past. We believe there was a particular traumatic event in the unsub’s life that would have either occurred when he or his siblings were around 10 to 15, as this is the age of his victims. We need to be looking at incidents involving families with one or more children with physical disabilities or mobility issues around 15 years ago. His choice of disposal site and abduction point suggests he is local or grew up here. So have a think back to anyone you remember fitting this description,’ Simmons added.

‘Rapid City Police is canvassing rest stops and hotels within a 10-mile radius of the last disposal site. He will probably be out there looking for new victims, so it is priority one that we get this warning out to the public to reduce the opportunities for this guy. We will send three of our agents with the state police to Rapid City, and we will reconvene in the morning with any updates to the case. That’s all, thank you,’ Prentiss summarised and the crowd of people dispersed. She turned to her team.

‘Simmons, JJ, I want you to take Avery and some of the State Troops with you on the jet and get to Rapid City as soon as you can. Get some rest and first thing in the morning, get everything you can from them. We need crime scene collaboration and geographic profiling to be top-notch here. We can’t let this guy slip out the net. Rest of us will stay here and try to figure out who this guy is. Hopefully, Garcia can find something in the morning or the locals will come forward. The Groton is too specific a place for it not to be personal choice. I think it’s likely he could return here.’

They all dispersed, finishing up what they could and deciding who would room with who. Grace paired up with Dr Boland, who said she was a heavy sleeper, which was great because Grace was not a great roommate.

She sat on the table flicking at the tab of her can despondently. She stared at the crime scene pictures and the then at the smiling family photo. She thought she should give Dr Boland a head start.

Grace knew she had always had trouble sleeping, diagnosed insomnia, which, when the treatments didn’t work, lead to the ADHD diagnosis. She had known that she would have disrupted a light sleeper. Given the various positions she had woken up in, she knew she fussed a lot in her sleep. There was also the fact that occasionally she woke up screaming, tangled in sheets, stumbling into a wall or tumbling over her nightstand. Not a pleasant roommate at all. But what she didn’t know until JJ told her was she talked in her sleep whenever she passed out on the couch in the jet.

This was one of those cases that would add to the bad nights if she didn’t get home to get it all out soon. It wasn’t just the brutality of the case; though that never helped. Instead, it was the motivation behind the case. This was awful on another level for her. It was too close to home. She wished she couldn’t imagine the hate this unsub had towards his own siblings that caused the carnage she saw in the photos as she stared at the board. True, she didn’t know resentment on this level, but she was ashamed to admit she understood.

‘What is it, kid?’ Rossi’s voice startled her. She turned to him and saw his concern. She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he gave her that look. The downward tilt and eyebrow raise. The one he gave her when he first met her. She sighed. He knew her weakness, her tells, he knew her probably better than anyone. There was no point in trying to hide.

‘This case… it’s just the amount of times I wished that… nothing like this, of course, but I don’t know, the times that I wished they would just disappear, that they would just get out of my life, you know? What does it say about me? I understand this guy and I hate that I do.’

He reached a hand out and rested it on her shoulder, and she didn’t flinch away.

‘Hey, just cause you understand a wacko doesn’t mean you are one, right? You’ve got empathy. That that is a certified fact. Thinking like that, it’s part of the job.’ She hung her head. He didn’t let up though. ‘Considering what you’ve gone through, I think I’d be more surprised if you hadn’t had thoughts like that. No one is that much of a saint. And call me biassed, but you’re my favourite.’

She snorted a laugh then, ‘You haven’t met them.’

‘Well, by the sounds of it, I never will. One’s in space.’

‘Pfft if only,’ she snorted, then chuckled as she remembered something he would find funny, ‘You know, before I knew where babies came from, I used to think they came from space. Dad played along. He told me that what’s the helicopter pads on top of hospitals were for, it was where the spaceships landed. When they were born, I remember siting by the window with dad, looking at the stars trying to guess which planet they came from.’

‘My money’s on Vulcan,’ Rossi joked.

‘See, you would think so, but I’ve been told that Vulcan is actually inhospitable to humanoids,’ she rolled her eyes.

Rossi shook his head amused. His eyes flicked to her face and he could tell exactly where her mind was at now.

‘How is your family?’ He lowered his voice and stepped closer, asking before she could dodge it. She took a deep breath and her shoulders sagged.

‘Last I talked with mom, dad’s not any worse, but he’s not any better. They’re in Houston to be close to Ody and his girlfriend. I don’t know about Cass… she was in Hong Kong last I heard. But I don’t know, people don’t tell me stuff anymore. And the thing that sucks is that mom’s the only one who reaches out, because she feels guilty. And I still can’t… I can’t forgive her. I only talk to her because she’s that last link I have to the rest of them. And I think dad wants to talk but… the way I left, Rossi, the whole thing, it hurt everyone, especially dad. I’ve tried to fix it, but its just… its not fixing. I reached out to Ody about Thanksgiving. I haven’t heard anything back.’

Rossi gave her a painfully empathetic look. ‘I wish I could say it will be fine, that it will go back to normal, but you and I know that things like that are going to take time to get over, and they are never going to go back to the way they were. But, I want you to know my place is always open for thanksgiving if you want somewhere to go.’

‘I appreciate it, Rossi but… if I don’t get invited home or called away, I’ll probably spend it in Honolulu, with you know… She doesn’t get any other visitors.’

She could tell he hoped that she wouldn’t say that.

‘You don’t have to keep going back there. You don’t have any obligations.’

‘She has no family, no one else Rossi-’

‘-Yeah, and that’s her own fault, because she killed them, Grace.’ He said simply.

She knew he was right, and she knew he meant well and he tried to understand, but he never would. There were very few people on this side of the law that would.

‘I know, but I also know she did what she did because not one person who should’ve cared for her, ever did. She was my friend Rossi, in some way she still is. Everyone deserves to have at least one person who cares.’

‘I just worry that you forget that you need to take care of yourself,’ Rossi admitted.

‘My therapist isn’t concerned about it, and I’m always honest with her,’ she told him, hoping that it was enough to satisfy him. It wasn’t. She sighed. ‘Look, tell you what, if… I don’t get invited home and I end up spending Thanksgiving in Honolulu, I promise that I will spend Christmas with you. Does that make you feel better?’

‘Immensely,’ Rossi said. ‘And you’re not just using me to hide from this stripper that Alvez, JJ and Tara have been talking about?’

She laughed, ‘No, though it would be kinda funny to see you kick one out of your house mid-Christmas dinner. It’d be a better show than what they'd be paid to perform.’

Another thought came to her, and she remembered what she was supposed to tell him and Prentiss tonight, when she had the chance.

‘On a kinda related note, there’s no rule I’m missing, like you can’t be in the BAU if you were friends with a… ah, mass murderer before you joined, right? Cause I declared everything when I joined the bureau, I’m not going to get fired if it comes up or-’

‘Hey no, no. You weren’t on that case, and given that the circumstances in which you became friends were unrelated to her… activities. There is no conflict of interest,’ Rossi reassured her, then shrugged, ‘Unless she breaks out and we have to catch her. Then you would have to sit that one out. Why do you ask?’

‘Hypothetically...' she began

‘Oh no,’ Rossi rolled his eyes.

She winced and continued, ‘-If a current case were to involve her, but not for the crimes she did, but like, she was a witness to another crime? Would that be a conflict of interest or an established rapport?’

‘That’s an oddly specific, you care to explain that hypothetical kid?’ Rossi frowned.

‘Well, I… may have something to run by you and Prentiss.’ She walked over to her bag and pulled out her files from this morning. ‘This is what I went to see Dr Reid for.’

‘Hey Emily! You got a minute?’ Rossi called her over.

Prentiss turned to them and looked at Grace’s files and Rossi's frown.

‘Why do I sense a migraine coming on?’ she asked, concerned.

‘Uh, I’ll try to be quick but, you better grab a coffee. I’m sorry, this isn’t going to take a minute.’ Grace apologised.

---------

Rapid City Area, SD, Thursday July 9:00 pm

He sat at the diner with the map and a plate of pie in front of him. He wasn’t looking at it, though. He was looking at them; his new family. They were perfect; well, they would be. The young burden was in a wheelchair, like his brother had been at the start. These kids were girls though. But that didn’t matter. Surely if the parents kept the runt, they would love to have a bit of variation. A boy would be a lovely addition. They would welcome the change, unlike the last ones.

He watched the eldest girl, perfect like him. She was on her phone, withdrawn like he had been. The parents talked to her sister animatedly, ignoring their perfect child. The Elder Girl was unappreciated like he had been. He saw himself. He’d make it right for her. It could be fixed. He could stop her from growing up to be like him, do her a favour. Not before he undid it though, that had to come first, and there was only one place he could do that. He couldn’t hear what the family were saying from here, but he decided tomorrow they would be his.

‘…The FBI especially has warned holidaying families with children with mobility issues and physical disabilities to be alert of their surroundings, to travel together when making stops, and ensure doors are locked. The killer is thought to be armed and dangerous and currently in the greater Rapid City region. Anybody with information is encouraged to call the hotline at the bottom of the screen…’

The words caught his attention. The FBI was looking for him in Rapid City? He smirked. The fools. He was finished here. He’d seen what he needed to. They wouldn’t find him here. How stupid would they look when he took this next family, right from under their noses?

----------

Next Chapter

Note: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this and if you love it, or even just like it, please leave a comment and/or like, it is much appreciated and it really motivates me.

TWs:

Ablesim: this is the big one. Unsub is targeting physically disabled people and uses awful language to describe disabled people. this is in his view point. it is the last section of the chapter under the time stamp 9:00PM if it not something you wan to read skip it. Summary is, he decides to target a family cause he see they have a young girl in a wheel chair. It's never justifiable at all to hate like that. unsub is horrible and delusional. Be warned for ick factor.

Child death: sadly the victims are kids. also hinted that the unsub has done this before to his own siblings

murder, crime scene description: non graphic, but the parent's are shot, some photos are described.

#oc #OC Grace Matthews #BAU #criminal minds #mentor spencer #big brother spencer #spencer gets a happy ending #the protege #the protege chapter 5 #fanfic #my fic #criminal minds case #spencer reid

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murfpersonalblog · 9 months

Text

I'm dumping my Omegaverse AU headcanons about The Vampire Armand here, as they don't really fit in my storyboard itself.

Cuz here's the thing about Armand.

Every frikkin adaptation's done him radically different. (We don't talk about QotD's Armand in this house! 😤)

Book Armand? Esp. from TVA? That whiny spoiled bratty out-of-control know-it-all easily impressionable jailbait with 1000 boy(man)friends in 1000 different taverns, wet-behind-the-ears I think I'm big & bad enough to hack down Marius' door with an effing battle axe and swordfight my ex boytoy cuz I'm a maneater just tryna make my undead lover/father-figure jealous enough to BITE me, balls-haven't-even-dropped-yet but I'm humping Beta Bianca one second cuz I'm Grown(TM) and hiding under her bed from Alpha Marius' scolding the next? Chile, that's an Omega.

If LDPDL thought he was hot stuff posing as a Beta, well Amadeo had already patented the Conflicted Dynamics Syndrome formula centuries ago, thinking he could act like an Alpha and get away with it, meanwhile living under the roof & rule of THE ALPHAMUS MAXIMUS, Marius de Romanus. 😂 .

Overcompensation is a thing, which is why he went buck wild as the coven leader of the Children of Darkness/Satan, ruling with a titanium fist because he's short and baby-faced and pretty and his voice will permanently crack since he's stuck as a frikkin 16/17 yr old for the rest of forever and he doesn't have an Alpha Voice he can use on anyone, just a mean streak a mile wide and a effton of uber-powerful vampire blood 1-degree of separation from Akasha herself backing him up (not that he knew that, ofc).

(If you can't tell, Armand's my favorite character in the VC books. 😅)

Like, of course he lost his mind panting after Marius in TVA, and then panting after Lestat in TVL, and then panting after Louis in IWTV, and then panting after Daniel in QotD, and then panting after Marius again in BC. Messy boots! In the end, I think the healthiest relationship he ever had was with his kids (by Marius), Benji & Sybelle. Some people just need to stay single till they're truly ready to mingle. (I've already said I don't like Devil's Minion--Daniel was the literal antithesis of "healthy"--Sybelle had more sense in her head than Daniel at some points.)

Movie Armand? That sexy BAMF slow-walking up that stage like a KING, whose face launched at least 5 seasons of the funniest vampire show I've ever seen on TV? That's an Alpha, baby. 😎 Yeah, he just sat there and let Santiago run roughshod all over Louis, acting like everything was out of his hands and big bad Santiago was in charge, I didn't know~! 🥺👉👈 But he also just sat there and let Louis run roughshod all over the entire frikkin theatre, flambé style, so he could start a new coven with his new boo-thang Louis. GOAT.

AMC!Armand? Who the eff knows. 😅

Back when all we had was S1, I was pretty firm in my belief that Armand was a Beta. Even without the "Rashid" ruse, he's just so chill & zen & unbothered, never flying into extreme bouts of emotion like Alpha Daniel & Omega Louis. He balances them out and knows how to neutralize situations whereas the other two just snipe at each other, out for blood. That's certified Beta behavior, to be the only one in the room with working braincells.

But JFC, these S2 crumbs have had me feeling a type of waaaay~! 👀

And this is why I get so reticent about talking about Loumand, and Devil's Minion, and Lesmand, cuz half the time I think AMC's cooking up to have Armand be Satan incarnate, just manipulating EVERYONE; and other times I'm like watch they give this dude the most tragic backstory and paint him as the ultimate cinnamon roll.

So yeah, at the end of the day, Armand can run the entire GAMUT--he's the most complex character in TVC, IMO.

Which is probably why I love him so much, but am also SO SCARED to see what AMC does with him, cuz they really have the space & opportunity to really commit to how AR initially portrayed him, as THE big bad boogeyman of the vampires (until Akasha & Rhosh, ofc).

#the vampire armand #omegaverse #headcanon

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ourloveisforthelovely · 4 years

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Angel (one shot)

Harry Potter Marauders Era

Request helloooo can i ask for like a quick regulus x reader oneshot where the reader sings and regulus hears her voice and basically falls in love with it but he didnt see her face so he just comes back everyday to the same place in the hope of listening to her singing and seeing her face this time? this sounds specific i know but i feel like some soft reggie is all i need now 😭

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M- mention of self harm

________

Suffocating… that was the best word that Regulus could use to describe his life. After joining up with the death eaters at the lovely age of 16, Regulus had quickly grown to regret his decision. Anytime that the dark mark began to burn in the slightest, Regulus found himself dying for an excuse not to go. There was, however, not one...at least nothing in Lord Voldemort’s eyes that would be “good enough.”

On the outside, Regulus had to keep his smooth and reserved demeanor. It didn’t matter on the inside how much he was screaming. No one cared. The people that did know what he was doing continued to go on and on about how he was doing “the right thing, the noble thing.”

It was 7:00pm and Regulus found himself running down a quiet hallway. He had to get out of the Slytherin common room. He had to get away from Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. They had been so gleeful over a muggle that had been murdered the night before. Neither seemed to care about this person nor the family that they left behind. Regulus, when the deed was taking place, didn’t care. He stood stony faced as the man begged for his life. The moment Voldemort uttered his “favorite” spell, Regulus had to swallow back the feeling of nausea as he watched the light leave the man’s eyes.

Regulus had done well not thinking about the “deed” all day. It wasn’t until he returned to the common room and overheard Evan’s conversation did Regulus find himself regretting the day that he was born.

No one asked a question when Regulus walked out of the common room. Why would they? People would be dumb to question Regulus on something. People knew not to question Regulus on his doing unless they wanted to be jumped.

Regulus stopped the moment that his hands hit the balcony. Breathing heavily, he closed his eyes mentally begging for the memory to leave his mind.

Just stop...I fucking hate this!

Regulus thought miserably. He was half tempted to throw himself off of the balcony. It looked like a good distance and if he was lucky wouldn’t survive the fall. Death would be better than living the way that he was at the moment!

The brooding stopped the moment that a soft voice caught Regulus’ attention. He knew a lot of the “choir kids” would come up to this particular area of the castle to practice at points. Before today, however, Regulus had never paid any of them any attention. Today, it was different. This voice was soft, gentle...everything that Regulus needed.

Right away he recognized the French folk song that he had heard numerous times as a child. Leaning his head back against the stone wall, all of the anxiety and tension slowly left. Regulus took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. They were no longer shaking.

I should leave...but I don’t want to. She, whomever she is, has to have the most beautiful voice. She sounds like an angel.

Regulus thought with a tiny smile. Although he had no belief in heaven, hell, angels, or demons hearing this voice had to be what an angel would sound like if there were one. This soft voice was everything that Regulus needed to hear when he needed to be told “that everything would be alright.”

Over the following days, Regulus found himself in the same place at the same time. It didn’t matter what kind of hell that he had going on. The moment that soft voice would sing all of the bad would vanish. Even if it was just one song, Regulus was feeling a million times better when he had to return to the Slytherin common room.

The question plaguing Regulus’ mind now was who did the voice belong to? He had been trying to put an angelic voice with a face nonstop and was coming up with nothing. None of the girls in Slytherin house fit the idea that Regulus had in his mind.

I have to find out.

He muttered as the signing stopped. Standing up, he quickly walked into the room not having any idea what he was about to say. Regulus knew that whatever girl this was would probably think that he was a creep for spying on her night after night. What kind of girl would want that?

“I know you’re there.”

The singing had stopped and was replaced with a soft comment on Regulus’ appearance. Regulus turned around to see Y/n Lupin sitting by the window. You were the girl...the voice...it all fit! Regulus blinked a few times as he took everything in. Of course, it was you. It all made sense.

“Um...hi.”

Regulus muttered. He wasn’t for sure if he had ever spoken to you before. The two of you were in the same year but your paths didn’t cross much. You were in Hufflepuff and often kept to your little group of friends or with your older brother.

You, meanwhile, smiled noticing Regulus’ awkward silence.

“You’ve been up here the past few nights.”

You commented. Regulus’ face blushed as you patted the seat beside you. Regulus slowly sat down and kept his eyes straight ahead.

He had to be a blithering idiot. There would be no way in hell that anything between the two of you would ever work. You were Remus Lupin’s sister. Regulus didn’t foresee Remus being too onboard with his sister dating a Slytherin (even if Slytherins and Hufflepuffs made great matches).

“You were upset that first night. Are you better now?”

You asked. You knew the question was probably intrusive but it came out before you really thought better of it. That night, a few nights ago, you had been up doing what relaxed you the most...singing. When you heard the angry footsteps you considered stopping but thought about how your singing seemed to comfort your own brother when he was upset. Maybe this person needed a little comforting too (even if you didn’t know them).

When you realized that it was Regulus Black the feeling of overwhelming sympathy washed over you. You didn’t know much about Regulus other than the fact that he was Sirius’ younger brother. Over the years that you were in school, you couldn’t help but notice how sad Regulus looked most of the time. You could see those sad dark eyes from your seat at the Hufflepuff table and wanted nothing more than to give him something to smile about. He reminded you of a puppy that had been kicked one too many times. If he was anything like Sirius then you knew that was exactly how Regulus was.

It was no secret that Walburga Black was cruel to her children. You knew first hand of the abuse. You had heard about it from Sirius himself. If that was what was plaguing Regulus’ mind every night that he came to the balcony, maybe you could give him something to feel better about?

“There really isn’t getting any better.”

Regulus commented as you scooted closer. You had a feelin what that vague comment was leading toward.

“About being a death eater?”

Regulus’ face went pale as he turned to look at you with wide eyes.

“How do you know? Did my brother tell you?”

You shook your head at the raised tone of his voice.

“Ssh now. We don’t need god and everyone to hear. I saw your arm doing potions one day.”

Regulus sneered in your direction. He didn’t know how to react. Maybe just be cold like normal? What the hell was he supposed to say?

“Let me guess, you are going to tell me that I am a horrible person and that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing...no matter if it's what my family expected of me.”

Your momentary silence was driving Regulus nutty. After a few moments, you finally spoke.

“No. I was actually going to say I can’t imagine what you are going through. Sometimes our families are our own worst enemies.”

Regulus sighed.

“You’ve got that right. Look, I wasn’t spying on you. I want to just throw that out there.”

You smiled.

“It's alright. Your aura doesn’t seem as tense after you’re here for a bit.”

It was Regulus’ turn to be silent. He was trying to decide if he wanted to give you a compliment. If he messed things up, there was a good chance that he would never hear your angelic voice again...and that wasn’t something that he wanted to risk losing.

“Your voice is nice….its soothing.”

“Thank you.”

You replied as Regulus turned back to face you. His face this time was different. He had gone from death eater to the sad puppy that needed love.

“That first night...I was actually considering pitching myself off of that balcony. Hearing you...that was the first time I heard the most beautiful voice. It was like gravity.”

You reached out and gently took your hand in his. Were you overstepping your boundaries with a boy that you knew nothing about and who in turn knew nothing about you? Possibly. Did you care? Not really.

“I’m glad that you didn’t do that. You know, believe it or not, I realize how hard things can be with family. My family isn't normal…”

“Your brother is a werewolf.”

Regulus commented and instantly regretted his choice of words when your face went pale.

“Not that it matters though. It's just who Remus is.”

Regulus quickly added, hoping to save what hope of a friendship that he had with you. You, to his relief, smiled.

“Yes, it is who he is. I feel no guilt in telling you this now. With his condition, I tend to be second in the family. My parents don’t mean to put me on the back burner but it happens. It's hard...so I know now you must feel. How did you figure it out, if you don’t mind me asking. He literally tells no one.”

Regulus shrugged.

“Just put the puzzle pieces together.”

You continued to rub slow circles over Regulus’ palm hoping to relax him further. This was the first time (other than James and Sirius) someone had figured out Remus “furry little problem.”

“You’re really intelligent and perceptive then. If you want...you know...we could do this every evening when you're free. We don’t have to tell anyone that we are meeting up. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone outside of your friend circles.”

Regulus looked up and was clearly surprised.

“You would want to see me again?”

You nodded.

“If you want to see me that is...no pressure.”

Regulus quickly nodded, cutting you off.

“I would love to see you again...maybe around 7 tomorrow?”

You gave his hand a squeeze.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

_________

@amelie-black @realgaytrash @truly-insatiable @fandomsxxregulus @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @spiderxalmighty @jessyballet @knreidy1 @bennyberry @quuenofblacks @hazncalsgal @criminalyetminimal @whymyparentscheckmyphone @acciosiriusblack @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @summer-novak @hankypranky @stuckinsaudi1 @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @li0nh34rt @tas898 @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @shitfaceddaniel @untoldshortsofthefandoms @deanwherescas @sprnaturallover @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

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alcalavicci · 4 years

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1988 interview with Dean. This is a really good one and helps bring more of his life into perspective. Note: the newspaper originally censored his swearing, but I’ve put it back.

Guthman, Edward. "Dean Stockwell: Third Time's a Charm." The San Francisco Examiner (San Francisco, California), August 14, 1988.

“Six years ago, Dean Stockwell's acting career had turned to dust. Reduced to playing parts in unreleasable, made-in-Mexico movies that now make him cringe, Stockwell decided to chuck it all and get out of Hollywood.

“Along with his second wife, Joy, Stockwell moved to Santa Fe, settled down under the wide New Mexico sky and applied for a real estate license. He even placed an ad in Daily Variety to announce his exile: 'Dean Stockwell will help you with all your real estate needs in the new center of creative energy.'

“Stockwell never sold a house; he didn't need to. Instead, almost as soon as he'd relocated, things started happening to the former 1940s child star. It began with a small part in David Lynch's 'Dune,' and escalated with an important supporting role in Wim Wenders' highly regarded 'Paris, Texas.'

“Moving back to California to cash in on his fortune, Stockwell acted in 'Beverly Hills Cop II,' 'Gardens of Stone,' and 'To Live and Die in L.A.' He also played a cameo role, as Howard Hughes, in the newly released 'Tucker: The Man and His Dream.' And in 'Blue Velvet,' David Lynch's American nightmare, he delivered a chilling cameo as Ben, a waxlike, sexually ambiguous drug dealer.

“And now, at 52, Stockwell says he's found 'the favorite role I've had, by far.'

“The picture is 'Married to the Mob,' a dark, romantic comedy by Jonathan Demme ('Melvin and Howard,' 'Stop Making Sense') and Stockwell plays Mafia don Tony 'the Tiger' Russo. Wearing an Al Capone fedora and full-length vicuna coat, Tony is a rich, sardonic, larger-than-life character -- the kind Stockwell has never had a chance to play until now.

“Opening Friday at the Galaxy and UA the Movies, 'Married to the Mob' has been touted as Demme's first shot at a genuine box-office winner. Set in Long Island, New Jersey and Florida, it stars Michelle Pfeiffer as Angela DeMarco, a young Mafia wife who tries to start a new life when her husband, Frankie 'the Cucumber' DeMarco, is pumped full of lead during a hot-tub tryst at the Fantasia Motel.

“When Stockwell's character isn't ordering hits, drug deals and the dumping of toxic waste, he's lusting assiduously after the gorgeous widow. Meanwhile, bumbling FBI agent Mike Downey (played by Matthew Modine) is jumping through hoops trying to shadow Angela and 'catch Tony with his pants down.' Instead, he falls in love with Angela.

“During a recent luncheon interview, not far from his central California home, Stockwell spoke about the film, about his new happiness as the father of two children and about the bizarre trajectory of his long career. Dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and slacks, wearing a Panama hat and drawing first on a cigaret, later on a cigar, Stockwell emanates prosperity and calm.

“'I don't know why I was unemployed so long,' he says, reflecting on a fallow period that started in the '60s and lasted the better part of two decades. 'The only thing I can figure out in my own mind is that, for some reason or another, I was being made to wait until a certain time in my life when my talent would reach its full maturity and fruition.'

“Ironically, he says, he felt just as equipped 10 years ago to do the work he's doing now -- 'only I couldn't get fucking arrested.'

“Today, Stockwell sees harmony in the fact that his new success coincides with the arrival of two children. His son, Austin, will be 5 in November, and his daughter, Sophia, turns 3 this month. Inordinately proud and protective, he refuses to allow his children to be photographed, and also requests that the town in which he and his family reside not be named. (There were no children from his first marriage, to Millie Perkins, which lasted from 1960 to 1962.)

“'I want to make a lot of money and I want to put it away for my children,' he says. To that end, Stockwell has been snapping up job offers. 'A lot of people ask me, "How have you been able to choose these wonderful things you're doing? Have you been very selective?" And I have to tell them, "I haven't been choosing what I'm doing." Things have been coming and I've been accepting virtually anything that's come.'

“Stockwell's ambition is so great that, for the first time in his life, he actively pursues aspects of his career that he once shunned- interviews, for example.

“'My entire motivation in life is my family,' he says. 'I don't need to get an award. I don't need recognition. I've had that already. What I need is to provide. The best way I can provide is to be successful, and the best way I can be successful is to take advantage of all the things at my disposal to achieve that, one of which certainly is press.'

“Take a look at the young Stockwell, specifically the version that emerges from old magazine and newspaper interviews, and you meet another person altogether.

“Robbed of a normal childhood, Stockwell had made 22 films by the time he was 15 -- including 'The Boy with Green Hair,' 'Kim,' 'Anchors Aweigh,' and the Oscar-winning 'Gentleman's Agreement.' Working nonstop, he had a privileged life that millions of children probably envied, but he loathed it nonetheless.

“The son of show-business parents -- his father, Harry Stockwell, was the voice of the Prince in 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,' and his mother, Betty Veronica, was a former stage dancer -- Stockwell made his professional debut at 7. It all happened by a fluke: when Stockwell accompanied his older brother, Guy, on a Broadway audition, the casting director took a liking to both boys, and cast each one. The play, aptly enough, was called 'Innocent Voyage,' and it led to an MGM contract for curly-haired Dean.

“From the beginning, the pressure on young Stockwell was intense. His parents had divorced when he was 6, and when his father defaulted on child-support payments, Dean reluctantly became the family provider. Over a six-year period, he averaged three to four films per year.

“At home, he says, 'There was a lot of friction... I was getting all the attention, but I hated it. [Guy] couldn't appreciate that, because he wasn't getting the attention. He had all these friends, his peer group, that he took for granted. I had none and I resented him for being able to live that way. I was fucking lonely.'

“When he was 13, chained to a seven-year contract, Stockwell was described by one magazine as 'a young rebel who despises acting and resents every moment it takes from his fleeting boyhood.' Many years later, Stockwell told columnist Hedda Hopper, 'Child actors exist in a sort of limbo between childhood and maturity and belong to neither. Adults take them too seriously and other children are either awed or hostile. A child actor can find friends in neither group.'

“Finally, Stockwell fled Hollywood when he was 16. He cut off his curly locks, started using his real name, Robert Stockwell, and for the next five years roamed the country, working menial jobs and disavowing his true identity. 'People that might have known me from seeing my films knew me as a young child,' he remembers. 'Now I was 17 and I wasn't that recognizable.'

“Around the time of his 21st birthday, Stockwell was pushing papers as mail boy to a Manhattan plumbing firm. 'Of all the jobs that I'd had in those intervening years,' he remembers. 'I think I hated that worse than anything. I came to the realization I had no training at anything. My primary education was very skimpy, very poor, and happened under the worst type of conditions. I was literally at the mercy of the world.'

“Most of Stockwell's childhood earnings were squandered by crooked accountants, he says, and he knew that the tiny sum being held in a trust wouldn't last forever. 'So I thought, "What am I gonna do? Well, let's go back and attack this [acting career] again, and see if I can do it a little more on my terms."'

“What followed for Stockwell was a brief but impressive 'second career.' He starred in the 1959 film 'Compulsion,' based on the Leopold-Loeb case of the '20s, and won a joint acting award with Orson Welles and Bradford Dillman at the Cannes Film Festival. He played the lead in the 1960 film of D. H. Lawrence's 'Sons and Lovers,' and in 1962 scored the plum role of Edmund Tyrone in Sidney Lumet's film version of 'Long Day's Journey Into Night,' holding his own alongside Katharine Hepburn, Ralph Richardson and Jason Robards.

“Stockwell was winning the best parts, but found his attention drifting elsewhere. What was happening, he says, were the first signs of the '60s youth revolution. 'It captured my imagination as much as anybody's. And it represented to me -- I can see this in retrospect -- something in childhood that I had missed: the freedom and loving being alive, without responsibilities and work and having to report to the studio every day, and deal with fans and interviews and shit that I hated when I was a kid.'

“So Stockwell called his agent, said, 'I'm not workin',' and dropped out once again. When he tried to come back three years later, though, 'I found it very difficult, 'cause I'd been out-of-sight, out-of-mind.' What followed was a long period of marginal employment: He found some TV work, took parts in low-budget trash ('The Dunwich Horror') and occasional oddities (Dennis Hopper's 'The Last Movie') and co-directed a film with musician Neil Young ('Human Highway') but often just didn't work at all. At one point, he went 18 months without a job.

“Today, along with his buddy Hopper, Stockwell is enjoying a major career renaissance. And with his starring role in 'Married to the Mob,' he says, he's never felt more confident.

“'I knew before I started the film that this character was going to work in spades,' he says, adding that Demme, as director, deserves credit for taking a risk with such offbeat casting. Instead of picking Peter Falk, Vincent Gardenia or another ethnically identified actor to play the Mafia don, he went with Stockwell (who is actually half-Italian on his mother's side).

“Demme's inspiration occurred on a flight from Los Angeles to New York, when he opened a copy of the Hollywood Reporter. Stockwell had just changed agents, and in order to announce the fact, had taken out a full-page ad. Demme saw the picture, and instantly recognized his Tony.

“Weirdly enough, Stockwell made another film immediately prior to 'Married to the Mob': a Canadian feature called 'Palais Royale,' due for an October release, in which he plays a character almost identical to Tony Russo.

“'It's very curious,' he says. 'For all my years I'd never had a role like this come my way, and here it was twice. The Mafia don in New York, the Mafia don in Toronto, both of them colorful and charming and also threatening. And I just thought, "What am I gonna do? It's the same character." So I decided to do the same character in both those movies.'

“To take the coincidence 'one nauseating step further,' Stockwell says he's also got a part in the recently completed 'Backtrack,' Hopper's next film. This time he plays a corrupt mob lawyer, dropping the Italian accent for a generalized East Coast sound.

“It would be difficult to find a film actor who's busier than Stockwell at this moment. And it would be difficult to find anyone whose job history better illustrates the vicissitudes, serendipities and insecurity of a Hollywood career.

“Looking back on his misfortunes -- at the career that he was forced to accept as a child, and the humiliation he felt when he couldn't maintain it as an adult -- Stockwell says he's not bitter. 'When you reach your maturity, I think it behooves you to accept the fact that it's absolutely futile and fruitless even to speculate on changing anything in your life. All you can do is get embittered. So I accept everything that's happened as part of my life, and try to push it in a positive direction from the moment right now.'”

#dean stockwell #article #i hear the kid who had plans to get a ranch again in this article :)#i've also been trying to reconcile his working in NYC when he was 21 with what parts he had around then #i think he tried acting again at 19/20 #hated it #got out went to NYC worked that job also hated it #so he went back to acting #then Compulsion helped him accept acting more

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capricornus-rex · 4 years

Text

Two Sides of the Coin (19)

Chapter 19: Out of Here | Jidné Sheedra x Cal Kestis

Summary: Hell-bent on exacting revenge and retrieving the Holocron, the dreaded Darth Vader is now on the hunt for the young Jedi Knight, Cal Kestis. Under the assumption that he still possessed the artifact, while fueled by the intrigue of the boy’s strength and skill with the Force, the dark lord hires the bounty hunter, Jidné Sheedra, to track him down and have him delivered alive. However, the task becomes a trial for young Jidné, as she faces a conflict that tests her beliefs of a scarred past she had hidden for so long.

A/N: I feel like I’ve delayed on this chapter even though it’s not? Feels kinda weird, I’ve probably lost my sense of time but I’m glad I’ve finally finished it either way 😁

Also tagging @berenilion @silver-is-in-too-many-fandoms @stellar-trinity @justtinfoley @peterwandaparker @calgasm @queen-destenie @calsponchoemporium @sweeetteaa @cal-jestis @ayamenimthiriel @fallenjedii

Also in AO3

Tags: Fem OC, Jidné Sheedra, Force-Sensitive! Fem OC, Bounty Hunter! Fem OC, Jedi! Fem OC

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 – 14 – 15 – 16 – 17 | Previous: Part 18 | Next: Part 20 | Masterlist

19 of ?

Jidné had never felt more alone in five years.

The hallway in which she marched through made her feel small. The canister in her hand hung heavy—literally and figuratively—she thinks she couldn’t hold onto it much longer. The droid clinging on her body harness peeked over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of her expression, ID has noticed that Jidné has been awfully quiet, save the stifled, repressed sobs that squeak out of her throat.

“I’m… It’s nothing, ID,” she mumbled and then bit her lip.

Warm wind suddenly gusted through Jidné’s spine, it wasn’t from the circulating air in the fortress—it was something else. She looked around only to find nothing but herself and ID in the desolate corridor.

“Is that truly your final resolve?” the disembodied voice of Master Anesh called out from the nothingness.

Hearing Nomara’s voice again when she least expected it took her by surprise. Jidné searched left and right for the Force ghost of her late master until she found blue smoke materializing in front of her; it started out hazy and shapeless, from the Jedi girl’s eyes it appeared to be wafting towards her—the closer it got, the more defined the silhouette became, from the montral tip down to the sweeping hem of Nomara’s robes.

Unlike her previous encounters with a vision of her master, this one felt significantly different: it was warm and sage, like how Jidné exactly remembers Master Anesh until her death.

“Master…” Jidné gasped. “I… I feel like I’ve failed. I have failed, haven’t I?”

Nomara, stood close in front of her apprentice, her arms crossed together underneath the overly-loose sleeves of her robe. Even in her Force ghost form, a rather melancholic expression painted upon her face; empathizing with her disdained apprentice, the Togruta took notice of the cylindrical case in the girl’s hand, the tightness of the grip was fluctuating.

“Your actions contradicted your true feelings, Jidné, and here you are fighting it all by yourself and within yourself,”

“I know what I should’ve done—then if I did, none of this wouldn’t have happened! If only I’d told him the truth sooner, but that doesn’t matter now…”

Jidné proceeded to walk forward on the way to her ship. The Togruta’s shoulders rose and then relaxed, her calm expression contrasted against the troubled child who was on the verge of tears.

“Do not succumb to your regrets, my little one,” Nomara’s hand rested on Jidné’s shoulder, subsequently hindering her from walking and convincing her well enough to heed and listen.

The girl was taken aback, it’s been a while since she felt Master Anesh’s touch. Her hand searched for the phantom and only felt warm air hovering over her shoulder—but it was comforting.

“You have foreseen this, but you still have the power to change it—so that the boy will not fall into such vain of a fate.”

Their exchange prompted Jidné to subconsciously recall the visions that manifested in one particular meditation. Recalling to the final seconds before she had actually left the foyer, she overheard Vader ordering the Inquisitor and Stormtrooper to make arrangements for a torture chamber. She closed her eyes for a moment to revisit the premonition she found in her trance.

It all made sense now: the thud of a body falling to the floor, the pleading that fell to deaf ears—whose voice turned out to be Jidné’s own voice in her own premonition—and the harsh crackling of the electric current coursing around its host.

Vader has ordered Cal’s slow execution… not until he reveals the locations of the children he has memorized.

Her eyes shot up and abruptly turned around to face Nomara again.

“They’re going to kill him!” she exclaimed, and then she gradually reduced to tears as she realizes. “And it’s all my fault!”

“Perhaps not all is lost, child. Trust your instincts and the let the Force guide you through,” little by little, Nomara’s Force ghost starts to dissolve, she hoists one translucent hand to Jidné’s jaw, running her thumb across the girl’s cheek to wipe away a tear stain. “Only then will the clarity of your mind erase the conflict that hazes your judgment.”

Jidné instinctively jerks her hand up to hold Nomara’s now-fading hand on her face. She closes her eyes to savor the warmth—albeit being only an illusion—when she finally opens them again, she finds herself and her droid alone in the eerie hallway of the dark lord’s fortress. The droid peeked over her shoulder again, ID-3 finds a face seething with resolve from his owner.

“There’s still time,” Jidné muttered, and then turned to ID. “I’m going to save him.”

“BEEEEE!!!” the droid bursts with an overjoyed, celebratory trill to the point that he hovered a couple of inches off of Jidné’s back, the girl received his affirming response.

She dropped the canister and ran to the other direction. As her legs carried her through the inorganic hallways, she recalled again the details of Vader’s request in the foyer—the preparations are due in an hour.

��Trill, chirp?” ID-3 beeped, in translation, he asked what Jidné’s plan is.

“I’m thinking, I’m thinking,”

The duo came across a control center along the way to the prison block. Jidné stormed in and made quick work in emptying the room from Stormtroopers and a KX security droid. ID-3 hovered towards the main terminal and spliced the internals, absorbing data regarding Cal’s torture down to the last bit of information.

Jidné joined her droid and watched the monitors flash number codes, area coordinates, and maps of the locations involved—in this case, the prison block where Cal is held captive. Jidné tapped the projection of the map, zooming in and enhancing the area, and then finding a red blip blinking on a specific section.

“That’s it, the prison block,” she muttered and then read out loud the area code. “Cell Block E-6.”

“Trill, beep!”

“Come on!”

—–

Cal sat at the very end of his holding cell, still couldn’t fully wrap his head around what Jidné had done. He recollects the look on her face when she was being Force-choked by Vader until she was being prompted to take the money, he sensed the hesitation in the slowness of her reach, and he could’ve sworn he spotted tears welling up at the rims of her eyes—that is why she was so eager to turn away and walk.

Two Stormtroopers paced back and forth in the narrow corridor where Cal’s holding cell is, casually bantering off on random things until it came to the subject of bounty hunting.

“So how does one get a price on their head? I mean, who calls it?”

“I guess it’s the actual person who’s got beef with them, I don’t know, but I’ve noticed that’s how they do it,”

“You ever been to a bounty hunter’s hive before?”

“Well, no, but I’ve patrolled a cantina they went to once before,”

This conversation continued on until the main door retracted open and revealed Jidné entering the prison block. She carried herself in an indifferent aura to continually fool the Stormtroopers. The girl approached the exact cell where they kept Cal.

“Lord Vader ordered me to escort the Jedi to the torture chamber,”

“It’s not yet due in a few minutes,”

Cal gradually stood up, listening to the exchange between Jidné and the Stormtroopers. He tries to read her through her expression as she spoke with the guards. There was her trademark calm and coolness in her demeanor, a small part of him manages to convince him that this was a ploy, but he continued to listen in.

“There was a change of plans,” Jidné rebuked with the casual calmness in her tone.

The pair of Stormtroopers looked at one another, hoping to find something that tells them to believe the girl; meanwhile, Jidné kept her straight face intact while preparing to cast a Jedi mind trick against them, should they see through her bluff. Fortunately, she needn’t to do the latter. The Stormtrooper pressed a button on the control panel, the red ray shield vanishes and Cal was gestured to step out of his cell.

The redhead stood in the very front, the Stormtroopers behind him, and Jidné behind the guards. The second Stormtrooper thought their formation was unusual, but decided to brush it off and nudged the Jedi boy forward.

While they strode through the hallways, Cal senses a motive from Jidné—little did he knew that she’s already putting her plan into play, starting from the moment she walked into the prison block. Jidné patiently waited until they were left in one section of the corridor where it’s empty and devoid of witnesses—especially the patrolling Stormtroopers—when that moment came, the girl found themselves alone in the path and a pair of hard thumping sounds, following two quick grunts, came from the Stormtroopers, who are now lying limp and unconscious on the floor.

Cal turned around to find Jidné shaking off the sting in her hand. His lips parted so as to say something, but he was too taken aback by this other change of plans. Jidné approached him to his back and used the Force to unbind the handcuffs around his wrists.

“Escape now, hate me later,” said Jidné quite abruptly, avoiding small talk with the boy as the tension between them is still heavy and conversing as such would be simply awkward.

“Thank you…”

“Where are they keeping your saber?” Jidné examined Cal’s person and noticed someone missing. “Where’s BD-1?”

“They confiscated it—along with BD-1—but I know where it is,”

ID-3 reacted to BD-1’s captivity, the fast-paced, tone-deaf trilling and chirping from the droid evidently conveyed his eagerness to save his new fellow droid.

“I couldn’t agree more, ID,”

Jidné took her own blaster out of her second holster, “You a good shot?”

“I’d like to think so,” Cal shrugged. A coy, little smirk couldn’t help but emerge on his mouth.

Jidné’s lips returned the gesture and she tossed the ballistic weapon toward him which he skillfully caught.

Cal led the way, Jidné followed and kept cover for him. All throughout, the both of them relied on stealth, not seeing the need to brandish weapons unless necessary. With little to no action, it feels as though time moves differently and rather slowly in this dark palace, where the winding hallways lead to one after the other with hours on end.

Finally, their little adventure in the labyrinthine came to an end when Cal recognized a door and caught a glimpse of the inside.

“That’s it—that’s the door,”

“Who’s in the other side of it?” asked Jidné who was hugging the wall behind him as he peeked over.

“Two guards—one standing in the middle, the other behind a terminal.”

“How do you wanna go about this?”

“Well,” Cal’s eyes trailed from Jidné’s head to toe. “We could use your Shroud. Take them by surprise once we’re through.”

She rolled her eyes pensively, and then shrugged, “Fair enough.”

Cal was the first to leave cover, Jidné stayed closed by the tail. They stood side by side with one another, in front of the sealed door. Cal discovers Jidné’s fists clenching and then relaxing—and the cycle repeats-his eyes trailed upwards, studying her hesitant, nervous expression. Both of them are still fully aware of the tension and awkwardness borne from the scene that transpired back in Vader’s receiving hall.

Cal had already forgiven Jidné the moment she knocked those Stormtroopers out cold and untied him; on the other hand, she’s still under the impression that he hates her for actively and passively betraying him all this time—she wasn’t exactly used to this brand of kindness, being a bounty hunter has somewhat deprived her of such.

Nevertheless, Cal slowly reached. Little by little, he broke through the closed fist, she flinched upon the gentlest tap of his fingernails against her skin; his fingers tangled with her slender yet trembling digits, and his warm hand felt the clamminess of her palm, though he didn’t care. He curled his fingers, further securing his hold on her until she herself gave. Jidné shot him a quick glance with a flinch from the corner of her lip as an excuse for a weak smile.

“Relax,” Cal coaxed.

Jidné tightly clutched on Cal’s hand, almost equal to his own grip, and focused as she taps into her Shroud. She remained still as a stone—her features steady, her grip unwavering—slowly, she lifted her eyelids and saw that it was successful. One look prompted Cal to wave his hand at the control panel at his left side. The bulb under the button blinked green and the door responded by retracting right into its frame.

This startled the guards; the door had opened with nobody on the other side—in their point of view, at least.

“What’s happened?” asked the terminal guard, quite spooked himself as well.

“Don’t know, the door just suddenly opened,” replied the standing guard.

“Must be a wire malfunction. Go check,”

While they debated on what caused the door to open “by itself,” Jidné and Cal had already snuck through the lobby. The two Jedi exchanged glances and conversed with a nod at each other, signaling Jidné to let go and thus end the effect of her Shroud. The moment her hand slipped away from Cal’s, they slowly materialized and took on each guard. In a split second, the guards were denied a single second of reaction time. Jidné charged towards the terminal guard while Cal gunned down the one who approached the door, he also shot down the security cameras fixed on the corners of the ceiling.

“Cal, here!”

She retrieved the Jedi’s weapon. They returned each other’s weapons by tossing them to one another. Meanwhile, ID-3 did BD-1 a kindness by unscrewing the restraining bolt off of the little droid—the tiny white droid spun and danced in front of the probe droid as a gesture of thanks. Cal walked up to his droid and caught BD in his arms, coddling him as they rejoiced in being together again.

“Glad you’re okay, BD!” Cal laughed, mingling with BD-1’s happy beeps.

In a moment’s peace, both Jedi were met with the sight from where they stand. Beyond this lobby was another, but there was an impossible gap between them that can only be connected by a retractable, hydraulic bridge operated by the terminal. Jidné got curious and stood at a safe distance from the edge, peering to the orange, infernal abyss below—the magmatic underbelly of the planet on which the castle’s foundation stands.

“It’s almost the same as the one in Nur,”

“In what?”

“The planet where I last fought him,”

“You… fought Vader? Okay, that just kinda adds up to his list of reasons why he’s after you,”

“I can see your snark hasn’t been choked to death,”

“Takes more than that to kill me, ginger,”

The two exchanged glances with each other. Neither of them can deny the tension looming over their heads, not even the affection they had for one another that bloomed during their stay in Ombari. Obviously, Jidné was still guilty and this was her best effort of an apology—Cal saw her intentions and had secretly forgiven her the moment she knocked out those two Stomrtroopers from the prison block.

A small smile curled along Cal’s lips when he noticed Jidné’s face was flushing in color, when she spotted that boyishly charming smirk, she looked away, though it was futile to hide her blush even over her tough-girl demeanor.

“Come on,” she mumbled, bobbing her head once and briskly walked out of the confiscation lobby.

Meanwhile, in Vader’s chamber, a royal guard opens his commlink disc to answer the incoming transmission of a Stormtrooper. After the report, the royal guard approaches Vader sitting in his open meditation chamber, he relayed the news to the emotionless, blank face of the Sith lord’s mask—a slight turn of the head was his only response.

“Send out the Sixth Sister,”

“Yes, my lord.” The royal guard bowed, he kept it that way whilst he steps back to his original spot. He did what he was told.

From the Sixth Sister’s temporary room, she had felt the disturbance in the Force making its way to her trance. Dark, transient eyes popped and stood out of the crimson skin around it. The small hologram of Vader’s royal guard materialized on the projector connected to the short podium in front of her meditation spot.

A second projection appeared—the map of the castle, zoomed in on Cal and Jidné’s location where they’re both symbolized as a pair of moving, red blips. The Inquisitor made a bemused smirk as she raises her eyebrow at the same time.

“Looks like the kiddies decided to make some trouble,” the Sixth Sister purred.

She concluded the transmission with the royal guard and immediately scrambled to her feet. The Inquisitor uploaded the map data to her own holodisk and left her room to go after the Jedi and the bounty hunter.

—–

Jidné and Cal sprint through the corridors, but they were still cautious enough to elude the enemy’s line of sight. Even if they had their weapons, they preferred leaving Mustafar as peacefully as they can; little did they know that the Sixth Sister is already after them.

“We need to get to the hangar!” pressed the girl as they ran.

The castle was a complete labyrinth—one would never think that the inside looks this intricate and complicated after looking at the exterior. Perhaps this was one of the subtle, intentional features of the structure: intended to exhaust a runaway prisoner until they got nowhere to go or is simply cornered by guards lest Vader himself.

Both Jedi were trusting their own instincts as they navigated their way through the maze-like halls. They eventually found themselves in the leftmost side of the castle--where they both thought it is the side where they came from upon their arrival here. The corridor’s wall was split by a window that streaked the entire length of the annex; they peered through the glass for a landmark.

“I don’t see the Scarab anywhere, do you think they could’ve taken it?”

“Impossible,” Jidné held her arm up, showing her remote control armguard. “If they did, this would’ve went off hours ago.”

“We must’ve taken a wrong turn after evading those troopers,” Cal theorized.

Jidné confirmed it when she joined Cal’s side and saw the same thing as he does—a hangar filled with ships except her beloved Crescent Scarab. She withdrew from the window and looked around the annex they’re standing in, she finds the combination of a letter and a number painted white on the wall—she doesn’t recognize the label when they arrived.

“We did take a wrong turn,”

“Then let’s circle back,”

Both were startled by the echoing thud of a turbolift arriving at its designated floor.

Cal snatches Jidné’s wrist and drags her along with him. “Come on, we gotta move!”

“I can run fine by myself, thank you very much!”

He heard Jidné but he chose to ignore her, he secured his grip around her arm as they dashed their way through. Eventually, they found the Sixth Sister being the only thing standing between them and the correct hangar. The two young Jedi have caught sight of the ship, but they have to get through her first.

“Going somewhere?” purred the Twi’lek.

“Yeah,” Jidné snarled. “Out of here!”

A suggestive chuckle rumbled in the crimson-skinned Inquisitor’s throat, her white-as-porcelain fangs baring through her amused grin.

Playing along, the Sixth Sister squints her eyes as her grin closes into a smirk, “Oh, I don’t think so.”

She brandishes her haloed saber, one blood-red blade spewed out after the other—against Jidné’s purple and Cal’s cyan sabers.

The hangar became their battlefield, trapped inside a circle of Stormtroopers and Purge Troopers who made a human arena out of themselves around the pair of Jedi versus the Inquisitor.

“I’ve been into better fights than the two of you combined!” the Twi’lek boasted.

The corner of Jidné’s lip curled upward into a condescending smirk, following by a casual shrug.

“Pretty sure that’s a bluff,” scoffed the Jedi girl.

Provoked, the Inquisitor was the first to take on the offensive; and so the two Jedi buckled themselves for the worst.

22 notes · View notes

krissy-kat · 4 years

Text

PJOverse Headcanons Pt 4:-

(Sorry my hand slipped)

Peter age 15 Harley 16

• Peter doesn't go back to Camp due being busy patrolling Queens as Spiderman

• Harley is really upset when he hears that Peter won't be coming to Camp, he had finally gathered all his courage and was finally going to ask him out but never gets a chance to

• That year Harley's father came to visit him

• "Why are you here, you abandoned us, didn't even tell us that you were a God"

• "Harley listen I'm sorry but I had to"

• "Then tell me the goddam reason"

• "So do you know about our Roman counterparts and children "

• "Yes, they live in New Rome now along with few Greek demigods and don't talk to me in circles"

• "You know that Greek and Roman demigods have recently found out about each other and before that we weren't allowed to tell you, your sister was daughter of my Roman form Vulcan and if Hera or Juno had found out, I don't what she would have done"

• Harley didn't know what to think about it, he knew his sister was a demigod when he found about his dad being a God but he didn't expect her to be a Roman demigod

• "Ok, but I still haven't forgiven completely "

• "I didn't expect you would, but it's a start right "

• "Maybe"

• Peter would still IMs MJ, no matter how much she'll deny it she considers Peter a friend, she also tells him about the on ongoing fight about how his half siblings says that his superhero persona can't be trusted and how Flash with his whole Cabin will come to defend him

• Some time later Civil War happens, Peter didn't tell Tony about him being a demigod because he thought it wasn't relevant when he comes to recruit him

• Tony takes Peter under his wing and they get close

• Tony is absolutely furious when the events homecoming occur

• "Peter, I thought we were close, why didn't you tell me that you were chasing after a murderous psychopath"

• "But Mr Stark.."

• "A building fell on you, you could have died"

• "But.."

• "I don't want you moonlighting as spiderman for atleast a month"

• "Ok, but what am I supposed to tell Aunt May about the internship"

• "You know what from next week you're going to be my personal intern, real intern this time and I'll able to easily keep a eye on you"

• "Ok, Mr Stark"

• ( Infinity War and Endgame doesn't happen because this is my Au I'll do what I want to)

Peter age 16 , Harley age 17

• Harley decided to tell his mother and sister about being a demigod and his father being a God and going to the Camp since he was 12, a month before summer vacation

• They thought it was an elaborate joke

• Harley looked up and says out loud "If you want me to forgive you, help me out here"

• Hephaestus appears out thin air

• "Aaah! What are you doing here "

• "You asked for my help"

• "It was more along lines of sending a Celestial bronze dog or dragon like Leo's"

• "You know Tony Stark, she would have thought it was a prank "

• "Ok, you're right she would have definitely thought that"

• "She's right here, you both are talking about me like I'm not here. Harley I'll talk to later about hiding this stuff from me. And you, you don't think it would have easier to tell me you were a God when you left, I would have been a lot less of mess than I was "

• "I'm Sorry "

• "I'm sorry doesn't cut it, did what Harley told us about Roman counterpart and Abbie being a roman demigod is true"

• "Yes"

• "Ok, I understand your situation but you aren't forgiven "

• "Understood "

• "Now Harley, you are grounded until your graduation except your summer vacation because of the summer Camp thing"

• "But it will be my senior year next year "

• "No buts and you (pointing at Hepheatus) will you be staying for dinner"

• "Gods don't.."

• Hepheastus steps on Harley's foot

• Harley glares at him

• "Of course "

• "What were you saying Harley"

• "Nothing "

• In Summer vacation Harley goes to Camp Half blood and asks Abbie if she wants come too

• "After the Giant war, many roman demigods come to Camp Half Blood during summer, and I'll be staying first week at Tony's are sure you still want to go to Camp Jupiter "

• "Mom's still angry at him for not telling her I doubt she'll let me stay there, I still think it's miracle she allowing you to and I'm a Roman demigod I'll be fine in Camp designed for Roman demigods"

• "Are you sure, you'll get a tattoo there and it's quite painful from what I have heard"

• "I'll be fine and I'm sure it will look badass"

• "Do you want me to come with you to Camp Jupiter, I'm sure they won't mind"

• "I'm 13 Harley, I can take care of myself besides Mom will be staying in New Rome for the first week"

• Harley was still upset she won't be staying with him at Tony's and going to Camp Half Blood

• Harley always stays the first week of his summer vacation with Tony, so he was looking forward to meeting Spiderman, no matter how much Athena Cabin said you can't trust him

• "Sorry kiddo, he's grounded and I still blame you for the lecture I received from your Mom"

• "What do you mean he's grounded "

• "His Guardian found out he was moonlighting as Spiderman, so she grounded him, he's not even allowed to visit the tower"

• "Wait he's a teenager, now I want to meet him even more"

• "Oh no I know that look, I won't be introducing you two anytime soon, you both will make my hair grey twice as fast as they already are"

• "Aww, you're no fun at all Old Man"

• Meanwhile at Peter's home

• "Please Aunt May, I need to meet Mr Stark's other protege, how else am I supposed to know whether I can be friendly with him or I'll have to compete against him "

• "I told you are grounded so no Tony Stark and Ned for three weeks and no spiderman for a month and it has only been one week so you are still grounded"

• "But he won't be there then"

• "What part of being grounded don't you understand Peter"

• "Why am I not allowed to hang out with Ned anyway"

• "He should have told me when he found out and I know it's as much punishment for him as is it for you and you both know it"

• After his grounding is over Mr Stark hugs him tightly since he missed Peter and he's like a son to him

• Peter shifts to Tower part time because there is a shortage of employees at May's work place and she has to work overtime

• Peter while IMing MJ complains that his last Camp t-shirt was torn and he misses it, three day later he get a package with 2 new t-shirts saying that she couldn't bear Peter complaining anymore

• Rouge Avengers are pardoned soon after and since Tony still hasn't forgiven them completely and doesn't trust them with Spiderman's identity he asks Peter to tell them he's his personal intern when anyone asks why a civilian was with him

• The first time he runs into Captain America he gives him the death glare that MJ taught him, suffice to say Captain America never have been scared so much from a teenager

• Peter was in the kitchen and peacefully eating his cereal when Mr Barton comes in and see him and looks at him in confusion then his face turns into a determined look

• "FRIDAY call Tony into kitchen right now tell him it's a emergency and please make a excuse if anyone tries to come in"

• It was Peter's time to confused

• "Why the hell to call me at this ungodly hour this better be important "

• "Why the hell didn't you me a warning that you adopted another demigod"

• Tony stares dumbfounded at him

• "What to you mean by that?"

• "Come on Tony, he sitting right here eating cereal in Camp T-shirt"

• "Excuse Mr Barton, Mr Stark didn't know that I'm a demigod also he didn't adopt me"

• Tony and Clint didn't know what to say

• Finally Clint broke the silence

• "I think you both need to have a conversation so I'll just leave"

• "Sooo.. you are demigod huh?"

• "I'm literal brain child of my dad and athena, so yeah I'm a demigod"

• "Wait a sec, aren't children of Athena are supposed to scared of spiders"

• "Who said I'm not scared shitless of them, it's just I have spider powers that's why I go around as spiderman"

• Uncomfortable Awkward silence

• "So I was thinking of making you a iron spider suit with nanotechnology "

• They quickly change the conversation and pretend the previous never happened

• Meanwhile at the Camp Harley was thinking how many nicknames can be given to a superhero

• The nicknames used to discuss Spiderman were getting more and more ridiculous because every name is banned as soon as it is has been heard by Chiron

• The names which have been banned till date include Spidey, the web-slinger, the wall-crawler, the arachnid and after this the people stopped feeling creative and thus SM, SpiderM, the Man of Spiders and worst one yet Sipdeydude

• The name they were referring to Spiderman right now was S-Man

• Flash was arguing with Annabeth who has been part of two Great Prophecies but Flash didn't give a dam about it because nobody says something bad about Spiderman and get away with it

• Suddenly a voice breaks the fight apart

• "Annabeth, we should get going if we want to catch the train in time, so stop arguing with my sibling about Spiderman"

• "But Pipes, a person associating themselves with Spiders can't be good, why can't he understand "

• "Yes they can, this is your irrational fear for spiders speaking "

• "I have fought Arachne I assure you it is not irrational "

• "Yes, it is now let's go we don't need to miss the train unless you want to get to New Rome a day late"

• Piper and Annabeth leaves

• The next Chiron asks Harley to do a supply run in Queens and asks him to take any two campers with him

• He was asking MJ to go with him when Flash overhears him then forced Harley to take him too because he was determined that they might able to see Spiderman

• Unfortunately while on supply run they encountered a full grown cyclops so they lured it into an alley to fight it

• Peter was just patrolling in his neighbourhood, he didn't expect to run into demigods fighting a cyclops

• Since he had a tendency to go headfirst into danger, he forgot that it might reveal the fact he's a demigod to them

• It was only after he webbed the cyclops's eye and both his legs together that he sees the demigods fighting the cyclops were MJ, Flash and Harley

• When the cyclops was trying to take web out of his eye he webs his hands to his face

• "I hope you guys will handle this situation from here"

• He swings out of there

• Harley was in a daze, Flash has turned into a overexcited puppy and MJ was suspicious because she was like 67% is was Peter

• I mean come on he could see the monster so either he was a demigod or mortal with the vision and mortals tends to ignore the demigod stuff. Also the fact that he didn't came to Camp last year when Spiderman started appearing and this year he came up with a flimsy excuse

• So after getting back at Camp while Flash and Harley were busy telling about their encounter to everyone MJ slipped out to IM Peter

• Peter was in his room in Stark Tower, and thinking back it was a big neon sign about Peter being Spiderman

• "Hey MJ"

• "You're Spiderman "

• "W-What?"

• "You're Spiderman and you saved Harley, Flash and me from cyclops"

• "Nice one, MJ"

• MJ gave him her stop-the-BS glare

• "Ok, ok, but don't tell anyone "

• "I won't but you are a dumbass who revealed that you are either a demigod or mortal with vision by coming between our fight and now the whole camp knows some one will soon join the dots and find out you are Spiderman"

• "Would it hurt you to be a little positive MJ"

• "Yes and who else knows "

• "Aunt May, Ned, Mr Stark and now you"

• "Good, try to keep that way"

• "Ok, any other questions "

• "Well aren't scared shitless of spiders, how does that work for you "

• "Don't remind me, I still have nightmares from when I was bit by the radioactive spider at OsCorp during our field trip"

• "Interesting way of telling me how you got your power and I should go before someone comes to find me and overhear our conversation "

• "Do you have to scare me about accidentally revealing my identity to everyone, it's hardly been 10 mins since you found out"

• "Yes and bye loser I gotta go"

( I have some more ideas so there definitely will be a Part 5 just don't know when)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5

Part 7

Part 6

Part 8

#peter parker #harley keener #parkner #michelle jones #flash thompson #tony stark #irondad #clint barton #captain america #son of athena! peter #son of hephaestus! harley #son of apollo! clint #son of aphrodite! flash #daughter of ares! mj #daughter of ares! michelle #pjoverse au #abbie keener #daughter of vulcan! abbie

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lyrazehedgieboiii · 4 years

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Insecurities

Hey guys! SO, I decided to make a one-shot on how Amy’s feeling very stressed, and her feelings on top of that make it harder for her to be happy. How will Sonic feel once he finds out? Let’s GO!!!!

Amy was sitting at Tails’s house, listening to Tails identify his newest invention, and was smiling, as if she were listening, but the only thing she was listening to was her thoughts.

‘Ugh, don’t you have better things to do, Pinky?” her thoughts kept focusing on when she’d get to go. She started going to far in thinking and ended up hurting her own feelings. ‘Yeesh, you’re so weak, no wonder no one likes you.’ Amy widened her eyes, realizing that everyone had their eyes on her.

“Uhm, why is everybody staring at me?” Amy asked, not liking the sudden attention.

“We were asking if we could have dinner at your place?” Sticks said.

“OH. Uhh...o-of course! I’ll go home and start. What does everyone want?”

“CHILI DOGS.” Sonic yelled, kneeling down, begging Amy to make them.

“Eh, I’m fine with whatever you make, Amy.” Sticks said. Amy smiled, not sure whether to take that as a compliment. Amy looked at Tails.

“Cookies for dessert, Tails?” Amy asked, smirking.

“You know me, Amy! You’re chocolate chip cookies are the best things that ever happened to me!” Amy felt tears coming, this was too much for her to take. She ran towards Tails and hugged him, and then hugged Sticks, and Sonic, lingering a bit during his turn. As she was about to turn to Knuckles, Rouge slammed the door open, and bent down to control her breathing.

“Eggman’s...*pant*...attacking...the *pant* village.” Sonic immediately got up, still a bit giddy from Amy’s unexpected sign of affection, and sped off. Rouge, flew by Amy as they all ran. “What’s up with Blue Boy today? He seemed a little excited, did you kiss him?” Rouge asked the petite pink girl.

“OH NO, no, no, No, no, NO Rouge! I just gave him a hug.” Amy exclaimed while blushing.

“But you wish you could more, right?” Rouge said, nudging her elbow at Amy. Amy turned red, trying to hide the fact her heart was hammering. The team made it to the battle scene, finding Eggman in his Eggmobile waiting to introduce his newest robot.

“OH Ho, ho, ho, this robot is sure to get rid of that pesky blue rat!” Eggman laughed evilly, while the villagers just rolled their eyes and watched the fight.

“You keep calling him a ‘pesky blue rat,’ just call him something else! Maybe...,” Lyra stared off into space for a few moments. “DEFORMED PINEAPPLE!” Amy was the only one that giggled. Sonic glared at her. Amy just smirked at him, and sent a blowing kiss. Sonic went giddy and red again.

“Ok, let’s take this from the top. OHOHOHO, THIS ROBOT IS SURE TO GET RID OF YOU, YOU DEFORMED BLUE PINEAPPLE!” Eggman shifted to the side, to reveal a 20 foot tall robot, with lasers, missiles, and shooters on its arms, legs, and head. Everyone went straight for it, Sonic being in the lead. The missiles fired, but were quickly dodged. Then the lasers started firing, and that started to get tough. Along with the crabbots and beebots in the background, it was gonna put up a lot of effort. Knuckles and Tails got blasted away leaving Shadow, Rouge, Amy, Silver, Sonic, and Lyra left. Suddenly a missile was fired, and pushed Rouge aside before exploding. It didn’t cause too much damage to her, but she fell to the ground, caught by Knuckles.

“Come on Hedgie Squad, we can do this!” Lyra said, stabbing the beebots with her scythe.

“Don’t call us that ever again.” Shadow muttered, running towards the back of the robot. That wasn’t a very smart idea, because there were lasers and missiles at the back too. Shadow got blasted, and that only enraged him. He ran faster, but got shot by a laser. He gave up, needing a break. Lyra gave up too, because she just felt lazy. She was cautious though, she didn’t feel like this would end well. Silver, Sonic, and Amy were left. Silver got annoyed with all the unnecessary scrap metal zooming around them and picked them up with his powers, and pushed them all together, and threw them to the side.

While he was doing that, he didn’t notice that Sonic was warning him to get out of the way, and Sonic pushed him, but they both got shot by the laser.

Eggman chuckles. “Looks like Sonic’s whiny little girlfriend is left. Well, that’ll be easy, since she’s so weak and pathetic anyways. I mean come on! The pink brat can easily be thrown off with a laser, or her hurt feelings.” Lyra and Rouge widened their eyes. That wasn’t a good idea...

Amy fell to her knees. She let out a loud sob. She recited every cruel thing that’s ever been told to her. ‘Weak and pathetic.’ ‘Pink brat.’ ‘Those people aren’t your friends, they just feel sorry for you.’ Everyone looked at Amy with surprise. They didn’t know that Amy was getting bullied. Amy stood up, feeling her heart burn with that same weird feeling she had earlier. She couldn’t identify what it was...

Until Sonic muttered.

“Rage.”

Amy’s eyes went dark, along with her quills, and her outfit changed, which surprised Sonic. He was the same when he was in his dark form, he never got a change of wardrobe. Amy however, did. Her dress turned into a dark red halter top, with a high-low skirt, with the back ending just a little below her knees. Her quills became longer, and a blackish aura tinted her vibe.

“I’m sorry Dr. Eggman, what did you say?” Amy asked, floating towards the eggmobile.

“Uh...I’m sorry?” Amy leaned back, and the aura only seemed to deepen.

“YOU LIE! Pathetic old man!” Amy shot some of her negative energy at him, and he disappears into the sky. She summoned her hammer, and it evolved to about 10 feet, and she smashed the robot. It fell back, and then Amy pounded its head.

“Amy?” Amy’s pupils came back, and she looked scared. She turned back to her normal form, and ran off crying. Lyra held Sonic from catching up to her.

“Give her a few minutes, bro. Then go.”

Meanwhile, Amy was in her room sobbing, her thoughts keeping her up in a bubble. She didn’t know how it started, but wanted it to stop. She couldn’t help how she felt, but it only hurt her more. She heard a knock on the door, but ignored it. She heard the door open, and she dashed into her closet, and hid under the clothes.

“Ames, I know you’re in the closet, open up!” Sonic yelled from the other side.

“And what if I were changing?” Amy asked, in quite a harsh tone. “I-I’m so sorry, Sonic. I-I don’t k-know what’s happening to me!” Amy let out a sob.

“Amy. Just open the door and talk to me. Please.” Amy thought that his tone was a bit strange. It almost sounded as if he were...begging her to open the door. She got up, and slowly opened the door. “Thank Chaos, I thought you’d never come out.” Sonic wrapped his arms around Amy, and sat on her bed with him. “Now, tell Doctor Sonic what’s wrong.” Amy put her head on his lap, and he stroked her quills.

“Well, it started a few months ago. I was walking through the village, going to a local mall, and I heard some teens talking trash about m-me. You know how I am when that happens, right?” Sonic nodded. He knew what it was like under the wrath of Amy Rose. “I hit th-them with my hammer, and they literally started crying. Those weird feelings kept my brain occupied for some reason.”

“Don’t worry, Amy. Just be ha-” Sonic was cut off by Amy’s growl.

“Don’t tell me to be happy, Sonic the Hedgehog, don’t you think I already tried that?!” Amy sobbed. Sonic hated the fact that she was depressed. He would do anything to see her smile. He pulled her up, and hugged her.

“I want you to be happy, so what can I do?” Sonic pulled back just a little, to tuck a loose quill out of her face.

“Well, you can kiss me, take me out on a date, marry me, have about seven children, I don’t mind more. You can-” This time, Sonic was the one to cut off Amy. However, it wasn’t with a comment. It was with a kiss. Amy immediately kissed back. Sonic used tongue in this kiss, and that excited specific parts of Amy’s body.

“Sorry Ames. Only one at a time, you’re only 16! Chaos.” Amy pouted. “Okay, two things.You are officially now my girlfriend.” Amy smiled, and squeezed the living daylights out of her new-found boyfriend.

Sonic wrapped Amy’s hair around in his finger. “I see your quills are still long from that, incident.” Amy giggled a little.

“I don’t think I want to cut it.”

“And I don’t mind that at all. But, next time, can’t you tell us what’s eating you.”

“Why do I have to acknowledge that you’re eating me?” Amy joked. Yes, she intended the joke to sound a bit...dirty.

“Oh my CHAOS, Amy! Way to get a man’s hormonal drive up to 130%!” Sonic said, putting his hand to his heart, acting all dramatic.

“Wow. How was it so easy to confess to me?” Amy asked, while smirking.

“I never confessed! But here it is! I...I-I l-love...you...” Sonic barely said it all out. Kind of hard to explain feelings when you’re ego is the size of an Olympic Swimming Pool. His ego would probably die there, anyways.

“IT’S ABOUT TIME, GOD, I THOUGHT AMY WOULD END UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!” The couple turned around, to find the whole team standing at the door. Lyra was recording with a camcorder, a digital camera, and her phone. She even set up a tripod. Knuckles was the one who yelled, just wanted to let you know. Suddenly, Sonic felt warmth on his ear.

“I love you too. Good job on recognizing your feelings for once.” Amy winked at him and left the room.

WOW WAS THIS LATE. Sorry for posting this a bit late. I started this on Wednesday, but somehow completed this Sunday night. It’s weird because I usually spend fifteen minutes writing a oneshot, but writing this was a bit difficult, because I’m not one to insult Amy Rose. I LOVE HER TOO MUCH SHE’S MY FAVORITE SONIC CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!! I’m very tired because my bed is so fricking hard.

#insecure #sonamy boom #sonamy #sonamy fanfiction #lyra ze hedgie boiii #oneshot #sonamy love #romance #secure #rouge the bat #best friends are the best #besties #this was very late #baby im sorry #posted late #not edited well

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buttsonthebeach · 5 years

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GUYS for like literally over a year now I have wanted to write a mini-fic exploring the summer Ellana turns 16, loses her parents, gets her vallaslin and gets married, and then loses her husband. Basically the summer she becomes who she is because she has to grow up.

And I have ALL THESE SCENES PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND I CAN’T WRITE THEM DOWN YET but basically imagine teenage Ellana getting into fights with other teenagers in the clan, being Angsty and Grumpy and feeling like she doesn’t fit in and her parents don’t get her, resenting that they will never tell her about their life in the Ostwick alienage and wondering if she would fit in better there than with Clan Lavellan

And one fight gets bad enough (the kid is picking on her for being dark-skinned, curly-haired, for having Andrastian parents, and she breaks his nose) that one of the hahrens hauls her by her ear to the Keeper and Ellana is expecting to be punished until the next Arlathvhen but the Keeper is in an aravel with a sick family and his own skin is ashen with fear and he barely even reprimands her

And over the next few days it becomes apparent that a terrible illness is affecting large numbers of her clanmates, and people are dying in agony, and suddenly all those feelings of not fitting in don’t matter because this is her home, her family, and she is terrified of what is happening but can’t do anything about it

And then it comes for her parents - for the quiet father and the strict mother she had so recently been fighting with everyday - and she feels like she will never breathe right again without them

And then it comes for the Keeper who had always been so impatient with her difficulty learning to read, who told her she was stupid for not learning at the same pace as the other children, who hadn’t even wanted to let her parents into the clan in the first place, and then it comes for the First, and now it’s their Second, Deshanna, who has to take the lead, and suddenly it feels like every authority, every grown-up, every person who knew what to do, is gone - like the rest of them are all alone, helpless, in a big cruel world

And then Deshanna declares Ellana old enough for her vallaslin, old enough to go and hunt for the clan, to provide for them, because so many of their hunters are dead now, and Ellana takes June’s vallaslin to honor her parents, the crafts they made, and she realizes she has to grow up now, that none of the people in authority ever had any idea what they were doing either

And meanwhile this shy young halla keeper named Mahanon is always mooning after her, and she isn’t entirely sure what to do about that, but she thinks she likes it, thinks she likes him, and when Deshanna says that they should marry she decides it’s for the best, and he makes her smile, and for a few months at least it seems like things are on the mend, like Clan Lavellan is recovering, like she herself is recovering

And then, like that, Mahanon is dead too. One last victim of the plague that nearly got them all.

And Ellana weeps and mourns. But she also gets up. Cuts back the long curly hair that the other kids used to make fun of her for because all it does is get in the way now. Looks at her vallaslined face in the pool where she shaved. And she makes up her mind then and there to just go on, because people need her, and she will never fail them. She will live only for them, from now on.

(But there is always that part of her, isn’t there? The one that wonders what would have happened if she had run away that summer, instead, gone to Ostwick, gone to Nevarra, gone all the way to Ferelden - if she had gotten out there and seen the world, and seen herself reflected in it, instead of turning inward forever, towards her clan, away from her own feelings and needs. That wonders if she should have taken Deshanna up on her offer to find her another mate after she was done mourning Mahanon.

But she’ll have to wait 11 years to have those questions answered. For a different summer, the summer when she turns 27, when Clan Lavellan is strong again, when mages and templars are at war, and Deshanna comes to her and talks to her about a place called the Temple of Sacred Ashes in the Frostback Mountains. For the first time that Ellana looks around and thinks they don’t really need me here, after all, no one will miss me if I am gone, I have served my purpose and it’s better that I go than someone else who really matters, who really belongs here, who has never questioned whether or not they belong.

And that’s a different story entirely.)

....anyway that’s my fic for the day bye guys

#listen #i want to write ALL THE THINGS #and I have none of the time #booooooooooooooo #meta #ellana meta #about ellana #ellana lavellan

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saint-hildegard-of-bingen · 7 years

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Warning: This post contains spoilers for Outlander Season 3, Episode 8, "The First Wife."

My heart is pounding. This has probably been one of the most satisfying, rich episodes of Outlander so far this season: We see just how much conflict Jamie and Claire's separation and pasts can create, we return to Lallybroch (JENNY! IAN!), and witness some very dangerous developments. Things just aren't going to be the same again after this episode.

Here are all my thoughts and feelings about "The First Wife."

1. Claire's face is almost as radiant when she looks at Lallybroch as it is when she looks at Jamie. ALMOST. Meanwhile, Young Ian looks like he's pooped his pants. Well, that will happen when you run away from home and lie to your parents about it. They thought you were missing, for crying out loud. Maybe even dead.

2. "Never thought I'd see you grace my front step again." JENNY! I missed you, dear, sweet, fierce, terrifying Jenny. But Ian seems rather more grim than he did last time we saw him. What's he thinking? That he's angry at his son? Angry at Jamie and Claire? Or all three?

3. "There was a wee fire at the print shop." Jamie, Jamie. Ever the master of understatement.

4. Wow, it seems like there are 19 children living at Lallybroch. Those Frasers: They're like bunny rabbits.

5. I wonder why Jamie and Claire don't tell Jenny about the stones. Honestly, out of all the other characters, she's the most likely to be able to process it. Plus, she's too suspicious and wily to believe Jamie's lie about where Claire's been for 20 years. She's right: This is a couple that would do anything to find each other. That's literally what this whole TV show is about. Jamie's excuse for keeping Jenny in the dark—that she's not a woman of the world and has never left the farm—doesn't seem to be enough of a reason not to try. Or does it? Would I believe a wild story about time travel? I don't know...probably. Outlanderhas befuddled my brain.

6. Okay, that sea swim looked absolutely brutal, but seeing a wet Jamie Fraser at the end of it was worth it, I'm sorry.

7. Claire pretending that birdsong is actually Jamie talking to her is the saddest, sweetest, most romantic thing. Also totally bonkers.

8. "DADDY"??????? LAOGHAIRE?????????????? Who is that tiny adorable child and why is Jamie Fraser her daddy? And I am truly unhappy to see Ol' Meanie Laoghaire back. How dare she call Claire a SASSENACH WITCH. Only Jamie is allowed to do that. Anyway, Scottish Cruella has definitely become more poisonous with age. Why is she so deeply unpleasant? Jamie, the fact that you're married to her is a bad secret to have kept from Claire. A very, very, very, very bad secret.

9. "There are other red-headed men in Scotland, Claire." Well, that's news to me.

10. I get that Claire has had a horrible shock, and Jamie definitely screwed up by keeping such a huge secret from her. But she should know far better than to confuse "marrying" for "being in love with." Especially if Lady Sour Patch Laoghaire is involved. Truly, marrying a young widow who has two children is such a Jamie Fraser thing to do. Not that Jamie should get off lightly. He deserves to be in the doghouse for this.

11. "Left you? You forced me to go back. I would have died gladly at Culloden with you." Give Caitriona Balfe's tears an Emmy.

12. I LOVE THIS FIGHT. It has been brewing between Jamie and Claire for a long time now. They still have so much pent up inside them after 20 years apart that it was always going to boil over. And it's SO SATISFYING. Upturning furniture and kicking tables and crying and slapping and everything. Give this fight an Emmy. And of course it's going to turn into sexy sexy sex. God I love this show.

13. OMG and here's Jenny coming in like a high-school principal with the cold water jug. I think I'm in love.

14. Jenny is no dimwit. Whatever the opposite of "dimwit" is, that's her. She knows Claire hasn't been in the colonies for 20 years. Alright, so it's pretty harsh that she orchestrated the whole Laoghaire–Claire situation. But she knew she wasn't going to get answers any other way.

15. "Family writes letters." This made me giggle. I don't think there's a postal service between the future and the past, Jenny, my dove.

16. Well, Claire was right. Jenny really is in no mind to trust Claire again until she knows the whole truth. Just tell her already!

17. "If there's a pot of shite on to boil, you stir like it's God's work." IAN, YOU CHEEKY SOB. There's something to what he's saying, though. Jamie and Claire have enough issues without Jenny interfering.

18. "Canna take back those 20 years." The way Outlander's showing the fallout from their long separation is super realistic. This is no fairytale reunion: They've both had long, rich, complicated, difficult lives since they parted, and it's made them into who they are now. They're going to have to come to terms with that, and it's going to take...possibly another 20 years. That chemistry though.

#Outlander Spoilers Voyager Spoilers Outlander Season 3 Jamie & Claire Elle Magazine

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havekiddoswilltravel · 7 years

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Finally getting around to watching Black Panther! Wow! So excited to wear my dress representing the women of Bangui Central African Republic. 🙅🏾‍♀️ (Who’s working on a closed fist Wakanda emoji?)

My Random Observations Regarding the Black Panther Film

#Wakandaforever

Marvel Studios/Disney via AP

I’m married to a Marvel enthusiast husband and am raising and educating a son who’s obsessed with all things Marvel and literally reads a Marvel encyclopedia. As his mother, I try to educate myself on the things that interest and inspire him. My husband took the two oldest kids to see Black Panther on opening day and I knew that it was driving them crazy not be able to discuss the film with me. On Monday afternoon, my husband came home early and insisted that we go watch the film. I felt like adventurous rebels by dropping everything and going on an adult date on a Monday night. I had already gone through my closet and dug out my Bangui dress that my sister had custom made for me years ago in the Central African Republic. Having watched every single Marvel film with my husband and son, I thought I was ready for what was to come as we entered into the #wakanda experience and boy was I in for an intellectual treat.

This waterfall scene took my breath away. All of it, the costumes, the music, the dancing, the reverence, the culture was a moment that captured the beauty of a fill done correctly.

Black Panther was filled with one liners that got my mind going and my heart moving. Shuri [to T’challa] Just because something works, doesn’t mean it can’t be improved. Let me start with this line because Shuri was my favorite character in the film. There’s so much to love about a 16 year old African girl, who’s brilliant, poised, brave and ready to do just about anything for her kingdom. What? The world needs more Shuris.

Marvel Studios/Disney via AP

If you want to find out why Shuri says the following line, make sure to do what all Marvel fans do and stay until the end of the second credits.

[after Everett Ross is wheeled in Wakandan facilities to be healed]

Shuri: Yay, another white boy to fix.

Travel is my escape. I have found myself longing more and more for adventure and trips to places where I don’t know the people, culture or food. I’m itching for adventure in ways that I have not before. The following lines left me pondering and analyzing my need to learn and experience life outside of the perceived comforts of The United States. My kids and I have spent our time discussing and sharing our feelings, thoughts and experiences as they related to these dialogues.

Marvel Studios/Disney via AP.

Okoye: Guns… so primitive!

T'Challa: Wakanda will no longer watch from the shadows. We can not. We must not. We will work to be an example of how we, as brothers and sisters on this earth, should treat each other. Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another, as if we were one single tribe.

Given the current climate in our country, I could spend hours thinking about the implication of these two scenes to my life in CT and also how my children will be raised and ultimately what their legacy will be.

I knew going into the film that I would connect with the women, but what surprised me the most was my understanding of and empathy toward Killmonger. His character was a perfect representation of what happens when we let rage be the prime motivator in our lives. His anger was justified, but his focus and actions were destructive not only to self, but also to those around him. His character was also the one that portrayed uncontrolled rage and violence.

Erik Killmonger: Y’all sitting up here comfortable. Must feel good. Meanwhile, there are about 2 billion people all over the world that looks like us. But their lives are a lot harder. Wakanda has the tools to liberate them all.

The final scene in this film left me breathless and analyzing the consequences of colonization, slavery and Jim Crow laws on African Americans. My heart literally hurt as I heard this line:

Killmonger: Nah, bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jumped from the ships. Because they knew death was better than bondage.

My 12 year old daughter’s reflections on her Wakanda experience

It was the best Marvel movie that I’ve ever seen. I loved that there were funny parts, but also many deep and thought provoking ones.

My favorite line:

Okoye: Don’t freeze!

T'Challa: I never freeze.

Shuri: Did he freeze?

Okoye: Like an antelope in headlights.

My favorite character was Shuri because she was funny, smart, brave and strong. I loved her interactions with her brother (Black Panther), as I think it reflects my relationship with my brother. They were protective of each other and their skills complimented one another for the best interest of Wakanda. I left the movie feeling inspired.

My 9 year old’s son’s reflections on his Wakanda experience

My favorite character was M’Baku because he’s funny. My favorite lines are:

M'Baku: If you say one more word, I’ll feed you to my children!

[Ross shuts up, beat]

M'Baku: I’m kidding. We’re vegetarians.

I also saw myself in Erik Killmonger, as he was black boy growing up in America. He loved basketball, fighting (sparring) and his father.

Did you know that you can experience Black Panther at Disney California Adventure Park?

Marvel Studios/Disney via AP

Educational Resources for Black Panther

- Check out the history of Black Panther in Marvel Comic Books.

- Video: Ron Clark Academy Travels to Wakanda

- Disney’s Black Panther Activity Packet.

- This is a wonderful resource for High School or College students who are ready to analyze and better understand Killmonger’s rage.

- Teacher resources for maximizing the Black Panther momentum and merging it into lesson plans.

- Christians who are trying to figure out why they should watch this film, should read this. This is a direct quote from the write-up. “At the end of the film – it’s actually in a post-credits scene – T’Challa says his country must start building bridges instead of barriers. It’s not exactly a subtle moment, politically speaking, but considering what’s come prior it’s an earned one. Black Panther is a radical film in that it looks at our country racially, culturally, politically, dares to find empathy in both sides, but ultimately insists you can’t ever truly be great if you’re not first good.It’s a point Christians would do well to consider.”

- Check out this Teachers Pay Teachers Unit Study about the movie.

- Why Black Panther is more than a movie, it’s a revolution.

- A White Guy’s Reflections on Black Panther.

Author: Ruth Mendes of Have Kiddos will Travel

About Ruth: I am a wife, mami of 4 active and globe-trotting kiddos. I’ve always loved a good adventure and truly believe that it’s possible to travel with kids. Join me, as I share our adventures and inspire you to get out of the house with your kiddos. Whether you’re planning a family vacation, a road trip or a trip of a lifetime to an exotic destination, I’ll share insights, trip reports and information that will inspire you. Check back often to stay up to date on things to do with kids at your next travel destination.

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atasteofchocolates · 7 years

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Update

06/07/2017

So much has been happening so this will be a long post.

Firstly, at 3am this morning I had a message from Lucas saying “I almost died.” I assumed this was a joke like this guy tried to fight him while he was out or something but nope. Turns out he was in his car with friends when another car pulled up beside them and started shouting before pulling out a gun!!!! He aimed it at Lucas! Lucas could literally have died! Apparently Lucas told his friends to get down and he protected his head. Luckily when the traffic lights turned green the other car left but Lucas must have been terrified! When he told me I almost cried because I couldn’t imagine losing him. I would never have known if he’d died.

Next is that I went for an interview for a health and social care course but I don’t think it is for me. The pressure is unreal. It is for 4 and a half days a week, 9-4:30 and we will have essays and stuff to do outside of college. Not only that but once a week we will be on placement in a care-home or nursing home which makes me nervous as we could be made to do things like personal care which is things like washing people and helping them go to the toilet. My mum agrees that i probably wouldn’t like this and found an apprenticeship which i like the look of. It is in a primary school as a teaching assistant. I will be working with young children helping to prepare food, help out at breakfast clubs and join in in activities. This sounds good as working with young children sounds less intimidating. I will work in school times, any school holidays and insect days they have I get off and its £190 a week! If I save up then next year I could go to Melbourne or Recife! (Although after what happened to Lucas I don’t think i’m as keen or allowed to go to Recife on my own.)

This time last year I wrote a very sad blog post about all the things I Hated about my body. And I’m happy to say that I feel a little better a year on. My hair is dyed now and I like it a lot more. Not only that but I have been eating more (however recently been going a little downhill) so I don’t look so under weight. Today I found an old bikini and tried it on. I haven’t been swimming in years because of how insecure I was but when i put it on, I felt confident. I took a picture and sent it to Blake asking what he things and I also sent it to Lucas. Both called me Hot which I found funny as I was expecting a “pretty” or “cute” as usual but nope... they said hot XD I was more surprised at Lucas reaction as Blake has called me hot before. I don’t think my body is that nice tho as most girls have like huge boobs or something meanwhile i’m very petite and I know guys don’t tend to like that. (I dont know why) so to hear that comment from them both made me smile a little. There are obviously things i still dont like, my nose and feet for example, or my acne on my back and shoulders or my dry skin but at least the list has gone down. Now my body isn’t a stick and actually has some shape to it.

Silvia has been here since the 29th June. Her English is a lot better this time around and we have spoken a lot more. She says she finds it easier to talk to me as I speak slower then most people.

Bety is doing good as well, we don’t speak everyday but I don’t mind. I know we are best friends even if we dont always talk. She is entering another MIKA competition as the last one she entered turned out to be fake. She will always be my lolipoo.

As for Blake, well there has been a little improvement I guess. I have had a small convo with him for 3 days now. The first time he was on call with friends but messaged me anyway, second time was yesterday before he went to sleep, he said he had been throwing up all day and asked me to send a picture to make him feel better, I was smiling like an idiot cause he called me cute. And finally today at about 3pm... he was drunk... I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE DRANK! To be fair he went on to tell me it was his friends 18th so they were all drinking and now he feels 10X more sick for it but he wouldn’t miss his friends birthday for the world. His spelling was all over the place. I was worried not gunna lie. I was told about some news between two close friends and a situation that happened when they were both drunk... But i don’t believe Blake would ever do that to me as he talks a lot about how he hates cheaters thanks to his ex. Also in his defense he’s 18 and can do what he likes and in the 4 months I’ve known him and 3 months we’ve been dating he hasn’t been drunk once so I’m not mad. Lucas once told me that if someone messages you when they are busy at a party or something and possibly drunk it means they are thinking of you and care. So the fact that Blake messaged me while drunk at a party made me feel a little comfort knowing he was thinking of me. It also reminded me of all the times Lucas has sent me drunk voice messages at parties. Guess he used to think of me too.

The other day I met up with a friend who has a hard core crush on me. I have no intentions of dating him and he knows it. He also knows of Blake but I felt bad for constantly making excuses not to meet up so I gave in. It was only for an hour and then I had to pick up Silvia. I was so nervous because I knew he liked me as he’s said often that he “loves me” but at least now I don’t have to do it again for a while. It doesn’t matter how mad at Blake I get, I will always think of him and I do love him. At this moment in time, i dont want to date anyone else. Although last week I did question it when I was getting zero messages a day.

I think that’s it for now. Birthday soon gunna be 16!

Byeeee

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brajeshupadhyay · 4 years

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Ian Desmond won’t play in the upcoming MLB season, citing racism and coronavirus concerns

Desmond, an 11-year MLB veteran, has played the past three seasons with the Rockies after signing a five-year, $70 million contract.

“I’m immensely grateful for my career, and for all people who influenced it,” he said. “But when I reflect on it, I find myself seeing those same boxes. The golden rules of baseball — don’t have fun, don’t pimp home runs, don’t play with character. Those are white rules. Don’t do anything fancy. Take it down a notch. Keep it all in the box.”

He’s overheard racist, homophobic and sexist jokes in clubhouses. There are very few Black managers, he said, and a low percentage of players are Black. It’s a problem in the league that Desmond said he’s seen no concerted effort to fix.

By opting out, Desmond forgoes his salary for the season because he’s not considered a “high-risk” player, MLB.com’s Thomas Harding reported.

The Rockies haven’t publicly commented on Desmond’s decision. CNN has reached out to the team and MLB for comment and is waiting to hear back.

Desmond will still spend the season on a baseball field — just a Little League diamond in Sarasota, Florida, where he grew up. He’ll work to get the town’s youth baseball league “back on track,” he said.

“With a pregnant wife and four young children who have lots of questions about what’s going on in the world, home is where I need to be right now,” he said. “Home for my wife, Chelsey. Home to help. Home to guide. Home to answer my older three boys’ questions about Coronavirus and Civil Rights and life. Home to be their Dad.”

Other players opt out of MLB season

Major League Baseball’s rescheduled season will resume on July 23 or 24, league commissioner Rob Manfred said last week. The 2020 regular season never started because of the pandemic, and spring training was cut short.

Now, players are expected to report for training this week, on July 1.

But a few players have opted out of the season, citing health concerns.

Washington Nationals infielder Ryan Zimmerman and pitcher Joe Ross will not play, the team confirmed on Monday. Neither will Arizona Diamondbacks right-handed pitcher Mike Leake, according to a statement from his agent. Zimmerman and Leake both said family factored into their decisions.

Read Desmond’s statement in full:

“A few weeks ago, I told the social media world a little bit about me that I never talk about. I started it by saying why that was: I don’t like sadness and anger. I’d found an even keel allowed me to move through my days with more ease than emotion did. So, I kept it inside. But that comes at an internal cost, and I could no longer keep a lid on what I was feeling. The image of officer Derek Chauvin’s knee on the neck of George Floyd, the gruesome murder of a Black man in the street at the hands of a police officer, broke my coping mechanism. Suppressing my emotions became impossible.

In the days since I began sharing my thoughts and experiences as a biracial man in America, I’ve received many requests to elaborate. But, it’s hard to know where to begin. And, in truth, there’s a lot on my mind. Here’s some of it.

Recently, I took a drive to the Little League fields I was basically raised on here in Sarasota.

They’re not in great shape. They look run down. Neglected. When I saw a Cal Ripken Little League schedule tacked on a bulletin board, I walked over to check it out, and it was from 2015. The only thing shiny and new, to my eye, was a USSSA banner. Travel ball. Showcases. So, not so much baseball for all anymore… as much as baseball for all who can afford it.

I walked around those fields, deserted at the time, and my mind raced. I stopped at a memorial for a man named Dick Lee; Coast Federal Head Coach and manager, Sarasota Little League, 1973-1985. There was a quote from him on the plaque:

‘Many men have cherished some of their greatest moments in life while stopping and taking time to reflect back on the young men they have helped develop, from childhood into manhood, with the ability to carry on in life. In no other activity has man been able to see this growth better than he has in the heart and character of this nation.

‘To see our youth grow and develop in the knowledge and skills to play baseball is a reward that only one who has been involved with would know. Baseball not only develops the physical skills of our youth, but develops a person with a knowledge of fair play while always stressing a desire to win.

‘That great moment comes when you look at the final product and realize the job done. There’s nothing more satisfying when watching these young men than hearing that familiar voice call out “Hi, coach!” transcending that special spirit of pride.’

I know it sounds simple to say, as a Major League Baseball player, that these fields were important in shaping my life. But I don’t mean my career.

I read Dick Lee’s words, and I stood there and I thought about when I was 10, and my stepfather dropped me off for a baseball tryout. He never came back to get me. Later, as I sobbed alone at the top of the bleachers, a kind stranger offered me a chance to make a phone call to alert my mom.

I thought about the moment, not too long after that, when my coach, John Howard, seeing I was upset about an out or something, wrapped me in an embrace so strong that I can still remember how his arms felt around me. How it felt to be hugged like that; embraced by a man who cared about the way I was feeling.

Then, another memory hit me: my high school teammates chanting ‘White Power!’ before games. We would say the Lord’s prayer and put our hands in the middle so all the white kids could yell it. Two Black kids on the whole team sitting in a stunned silence the white players didn’t seem to notice. I started to walk the fields a bit, and that’s when I thought of Antwuan.

These fields are where I learned a game that I’ve played 1,478 times at the Major League level. It started when I was 10, 11, 12 years old — exactly how old Antwuan was (12) when I met him at the Nationals Youth Baseball Academy in D.C.

He couldn’t read. He could barely say his ABCs. One morning, when his mom was shuffling Antwuan and his siblings off to their aunt’s house at 4 a.m. so she could get to work, they opened their door to a man stabbed to death on the ground. So, no sleep, traumatized by murder literally outside their door, eating who knows what for lunch, they head off to school. And they’re expected to perform in a classroom?

Meanwhile, my kids fly all over the country watching their dad play. They attend private schools, and get extra curriculum from learning centers. They have safe places to learn, grow, develop. But… the only thing dividing us from Antwuan is money.

It just doesn’t make any sense. Why isn’t society’s No. 1 priority giving all kids the best education possible? If we seriously want to see change, isn’t education where it all starts? Give all kids a safe place to go for eight hours a day. Where their teachers or coaches are happy to see them. Where they feel supported and loved.

I went back to those Little League fields because I wanted to figure out why they were thriving the way I remembered. What I came away with was more confusion.

I had the most heartbreak and the most fulfillment right there on those fields — in the same exact place. I felt the hurt of racism, the loneliness of abandonment, and so many other emotions. But I also felt the triumph of success. The love of others. The support of a group of men pulling for each other and picking one another up as a team.

I got to experience that because it was a place where baseball could be played by any kid who wanted. It was there, it was affordable, and it was staffed by people who cared.

But if we don’t have these parks, academies, teachers, coaches, religious institutions — if we don’t have communities investing in people’s lives — what happens to the kids who are just heartbroken and never get that moment of fulfillment?

If what Dick Lee knew to be true remains so — that baseball is about passing on what we’ve learned to those who come after us in hopes of bettering the future for others — then it seems to me that America’s pastime is failing to do what it could, just like the country it entertains.

Think about it: right now in baseball we’ve got a labor war. We’ve got rampant individualism on the field. In clubhouses we’ve got racist, sexist, homophobic jokes or flat-out problems. We’ve got cheating. We’ve got a minority issue from the top down. One African American GM. Two African American managers. Less than 8% Black players. No Black majority team owners.

Perhaps most disheartening of all is a puzzling lack of focus on understanding how to change those numbers. A lack of focus on making baseball accessible and possible for all kids, not just those who are privileged enough to afford it.

If baseball is America’s pastime, maybe it’s never been a more fitting one than now.

Antwuan was 12 years old when he started going to the Nationals Youth Baseball Academy — because that’s when it started existing in his universe as a resource. We got him a tutor, he got into other programs, and he learned to read. He was on the right track.

He died when he was 18, shot 31 times in D.C. A 16-year-old kid was just arrested for his murder.

It’s almost safe to say that the best years of his life came from that Academy… and yet the staff running it have to beg people to invest money and time.

How can that be? Why isn’t there an academy like that in every single community? Why does Major League Baseball have to have a specific youth baseball affiliate with RBI? Why can’t we support teaching the game to all kids — but especially those in underprivileged communities? Why aren’t accessible, affordable youth sports viewed as an essential opportunity to affect kids’ development, as opposed to money-making propositions and recruiting chances? It’s hard to wrap your head around it.

I won’t tell you that I look around at the world today — baseball or otherwise — and feel like I have the answers. I don’t. I’m not a perfect person. I kept my emotions inside for so long because it seemed easier to numb myself than to embrace the why behind my feelings.

Doesn’t it seem easier to just block it out when you walk down the street and see women clutch their purse at the sight of you? To push it behind you when you find out your grade school had to hold a meeting for all the students to let them know you and your sister — two Black kids — were about to enroll? To slough it off when someone makes a racist joke, or suggests you must be an athlete because how else could you have such a nice house? It forced me into a box.

And, in a lot of ways, I feel like everything in my life has been about boxes.

I remember, as a biracial kid, I dreaded filling out paperwork. I feared those boxes: white, Black, other. The biracial seat is a completely unique experience, and there are so many times you feel like you belong everywhere and nowhere at once. I knew I wasn’t walking around with the privilege of having white skin, but being raised by a white mother (an incredible mother), I never fully felt immersed in Black culture.

I almost always checked Black. Because I felt the prejudices. That’s what being Black meant to me: do you feel the hurt? Do you experience racism? Do you feel like you’re at a slight disadvantage?

Even in baseball. I’m immensely grateful for my career, and for all people who influenced it. But when I reflect on it, I find myself seeing those same boxes. The golden rules of baseball — don’t have fun, don’t pimp home runs, don’t play with character. Those are white rules. Don’t do anything fancy. Take it down a notch. Keep it all in the box.

It’s no coincidence that some of my best years came when I played under Davey Johnson, whose No. 1 line to me was: ‘Desi, go out there and express yourself.’ If, in other years, I’d just allowed myself to be who I was — to play free and the way I was born to play, would I have been better?

If we didn’t force Black Americans into white America’s box, think of how much we could thrive.

The COVID-19 pandemic has made this baseball season one that is a risk I am not comfortable taking. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving baseball behind for the year. I’ll be right here, at my old Little League, and I’m working with everyone involved to make sure we get Sarasota Youth Baseball back on track. It’s what I can do, in the scheme of so much. So, I am.

With a pregnant wife and four young children who have lots of questions about what’s going on in the world, home is where I need to be right now. Home for my wife, Chelsey. Home to help. Home to guide. Home to answer my older three boys’ questions about Coronavirus and Civil Rights and life. Home to be their Dad.

Ian Desmond”

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allthislove · 6 years

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I don’t understand how people can take their siblings for granted.

I have 4 siblings. Two of them are half-siblings, from my mom’s first marriage, but they’ve always just been my brother and sister. I love them all, but I also feel blessed that I still have them all, and that our relationships with each other are all good.

I understand that isn’t the case, for some siblings. Siblings fight for different reasons, and sibling relationships can even be abusive. But, a wonderful person I know lost her sister this year, not too long ago, and it really got me thinking about how important these relationships can be. God, these people who have been there with you for most of your life, or most of their life, who you probably grew up with, who will probably stay in your life for the rest of your life... I mean.... it’s a relationship unlike any other. And, sure, not everyone is friends with their siblings. I understand that. What I can’t understand is purposefully being antagonistic to your sibling. Especially your baby sibling.

Which is why I’m writing this blog. One of my older brother’s friends... he’s absolutely shut out his baby sister. And I mean BABY sister. Like, this man is 31. His little sister just turned 17, and he hasn’t really been in her life since she was 15. And it’s really taken a toll on her.

Let me tell you about this grown ass, piece of shit of a man. Although, caveat, it might not entirely be his fault? His wife seems to be a big factor, and honestly, there are a lot of abuse red flags coming from her, so....

Anyway, their family has been friends with my family for as long as I can remember. His mom is one of my mom’s best friends, and I still see his mom and sister often. My mom is his baby sister’s godmother, so the girl is my godsister. She’s pretty, sweet, adorable, smart, athletic... and get this: she’s even leaning towards going to the SAME UNIVERSITY that her piece of shit older brother graduated from. (I’m probably going to call him a piece of shit a lot, forgive me. I mean, he was a big part of my life, and I knew him well, growing up, and I am really angry with him for this.)

So, for the purposes of this story, I’m going to give all parties fake names.

His mom: Maria, Him: Barry, Baby sister: Kayla, Wife: Vanessa, his children: Barry Jr. and Bonnie.

Barry met Vanessa in college. She was his first serious girlfriend, and their relationship was sort of volatile. I mean, kicking him out of apartments, getting restraining orders against him, that type of thing. I don’t know Vanessa, and I had never been involved in their life, so I can’t say if Barry truly did anything to deserve being kicked out and having restraining orders against him. At the time, I assumed he did. I usually side with the women. So while my Mom and Maria were discussing the situation (sometimes I’d be around), I was usually like “But, what did Barry do?”

So, a few years into this match made in hell, Vanessa ends up pregnant. Barry’s all excited, and so is Maria. I’m like “... isn’t this the same bitch that he’s always getting into it with?” But it’s not my business, so I just give a congratulations, and let them be happy. Barry Jr. is born, and Barry and Vanessa live together, and all of this bs. Barry’s got a degree, but he’s sort of... one of those guys that’s never really got it together? So, he’s starting all these strange businesses and they keep failing, but every time he does, Maria and her husband (not Barry’s father; Barry’s father passed away when he was a baby) loan Barry money for the business. Anyway, Barry starts this black haircare business, and of course, it’s not doing great, but Maria LOVES her son. He’s the apple of her eye, can do no wrong. And Barry IS a really nice, earnest guy, so there’s no reason for her not to except that he’s bad at business.

Then, of course, Barry and Vanessa get into it, again. Vanessa kicks him out of their apartment, and Maria takes Barry in. Vanessa gets all indignant, and is like “YOU CAN’T SEE BARRY JR!” and Barry, of course, is emotional about that, so they try to fight it. Maria is supporting him 100%, and even helps him take Vanessa to court. It’s a stupid, pointless court battle, and eventually doesn’t even matter, because Vanessa takes Barry back. They move in together again. Meanwhile, Barry’s failed another business and Maria and her husband lost money.

Then, Barry and Vanessa decide to get married. Everyone is like “...” because Vanessa is always like kicking him out and getting restraining orders and trying to keep him from seeing his son, and it’s literally a shit relationship, but they’re getting married. My brother is one of Barry’s best friends, and they have a group of friends from high school, that they’re like all besties and have been besties ever since. There’s four of em. My brother, Barry, Mike (fake name), and Gabe (fake name). Mike and Gabe are both already married (to lovely women who compliment them), and they decide to talk to Barry. They urge him not to marry Vanessa, because the relationship is too volatile, and it won’t be good for him or Vanessa, and certainly not for Barry Jr. But Barry, naturally, gets angry and is like “Anyone who doesn’t come to my wedding is out of my life.”

So, the wedding rolls around, and Mike and Gabe both refuse to go, but my brother goes because he’s like “I’m the only one of Barry’s friends that will be there to support him” or whatever. My brother is super nice and just wanted to be on his friend’s team. And Maria and Kayla both go, too, because, well, Barry is Maria’s only son, and Kayla’s only brother. And they get married, and it’s okay, for a while. And Barry made good on his promise to cut Mike and Gabe from his life, which Mike and Gabe both shrugged off. Because, whatever. (BTW, Mike’s kids were playmates to Barry Jr., so Barry also took them away from his child for no reason.)

But uh oh... Vanessa’s not done. She had a problem with Maria because Maria, understandably, is cautious about her, after the years of drama she’s been through with Barry. So, Maria tries to keep up a relationship, babysit her grandson Barry Jr, all of that, but Vanessa feels insulted by the fact that Maria doesn’t like her. I’m sure they’d exchanged words, and things hadn’t been pretty, because the relationship has been volatile for a long time. Meanwhile, some complicated stuff about Barry borrowing money from Maria’s brother (his uncle) arises, and that gets ugly. So, apparently, Vanessa starts convincing Barry that his mother is not in his corner, and should be out of their life. Meanwhile, if you knew Maria and Barry and closely as my family did, you’d be like WTF??? Because Barry was Maria’s WHOLE WORLD. And he was such a Mama’s Boy, when he was a kid and teenager. To even suggest that Maria was not in his corner is crazy.

I mean, I spent the night at their house. I was always over there, and Barry was always over our house, because our families are super close and our moms are STILL BEST FRIENDS. And my older brother is still one of Barry’s closer friends (although they don’t talk much, these days, either.... which is again why I said Vanessa gives me abuser red flags. Isolating people from their friends and family? A sign of abuse.)

So, Vanessa is pregnant, again, and she’s also convinced Barry that his mother is against him and shouldn’t be in their lives. And, get this, Barry AGREES, and they stop talking to Maria.

And Vanessa gives birth to their baby girl, Bonnie, and Maria doesn’t even get to see her. Barry doesn’t even bother to tell her that Bonnie was born; she had to hear from other people.

So, I bet you’re wondering how Kayla got in the middle of this, right?

Well, young Kayla, at the time 15 years old, calls her brother because their mother is heartbroken and in tears. And she basically says to him “how dare you treat our mother like this!” and accuses him of abandoning their family. Mind you, Barry had been the sun and moon to both of them. He treated Kayla like she was golden, when she was a baby and a little girl.

And Barry says “This is adult business, you wouldn’t understand.” So, Kayla tells him off, because he has taken Barry Jr and Bonnie away from not only her mother, but Kayla herself, and for no reason other than that Vanessa doesn’t like Maria.

And Barry, in his adult, 29-year-old wisdom, being mature and manly and all of that, tells his baby sister, 15, over the phone “You’re dead to me. Lose my number.”

Those exact words.

You’re dead to me. Lose my number. Kayla was broken, and has been crushed ever since.

She had her sweet 16, and was hoping her brother would come. He never showed up. A few days later, she got a generic birthday card in the mail, callously signed “From The Johnsons” (meaning Barry, Vanessa, and the two kids.) She actually got physically sick, and she was so angry she put the card back in the mailbox and had it sent back to them.

This year, last month, she turned 17. She got no card from them, this time. She got nothing.

When you mention Barry to her, she pretends she doesn’t know who you’re talking about. She frequently comments on how she has no brother.

And yet, this week, she went on a college tour of the same university he graduated from.

Kayla loves her ADULT brother, and he abandoned her for his stupid fuck of an abusive, manipulative wife.

By the way, Bonnie is 2, and Maria and Kayla have never met her.

I met her, once, when I was being a Disney princess as a birthday party that she was invited to. I had no idea she was their child until Barry came up to me and said hi. I said to him “Tell your mom I said ‘hi’!” and he lied to my face, with a big smile and said “Oh, I will!”

I’m angry with him, but I also recognize that this is Vanessa and that she’s probably emotionally abusive. I don’t think she hits him, or that he hits her (although, IDK what was up with all those retraining orders and whatnot. Could’ve just been a manipulation tactic, considering they stopped after she got the ring.) I do think she’s emotionally abusive and manipulative. I don’t care if my spouse didn’t get along with my parents; NOBODY would stop me from seeing my family, and certainly would not keep me from letting MY KIDS see THEIR GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS, AND UNCLES.

The only thing that would keep my kids from seeing their grandparents is if I knew those grandparents were abusing them. And I know for a fact that Maria isn’t abusive, because she took care of me as a small child. I ate, slept, bathed at her house. She is the sweetest woman, barely even yells. She doesn’t hit her kids. She cooks healthy meals and provides treats. She’s jovial and fun and a joy to be around.

I would say you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, except I’d been behind their closed doors so much, I practically lived there.

So, for Barry to pull away from Maria, based mostly on the fact that Maria and Vanessa don’t get along, is nuts, to me. I wish I WOULD abandon my mother for my wife. That sounds crazytown, to me. But even if I did...

I would never, in a million years, tell my 15-year-old baby sister “you’re dead to me. Lose my number.”

It doesn’t even make sense to say that to someone. Someone who looked up to you, and followed you around, and loved you unconditionally. Kayla worshipped Barry. He was everything, to her, when she was small.

I don’t actually have a moral, or a conclusion... I’m just really angry that he’s done this to her. To his baby sister. It’s bad enough to do it to your mom, but your BABY SISTER?

I haven’t seen Barry since I learned all of this was happening (when I saw him at that birthday party, Maria hadn’t told me any of this was going down. Bonnie was maybe a year old, or just about to be a year old. Maria never disparages Barry around me, and still talks about him fondly. The poor woman loves that doofus, asshole piece of shit.) If I see him again before he reconciles with his family, I’m pretty sure I’ma cuss his ass out.

I’ve just been wanting to vent about it for the past year or so.

I actually learned all of this was happening BECAUSE I saw Barry, Vanessa, and Bonnie at that birthday party. It was last summer, I think. I told my mom that I saw Bonnie at the party and she’s adorable, and she told me I had seen her before Maria had. Then, when I talked to Maria, she told me that Barry wasn’t letting her see the kids. I didn’t know what happened between Barry and Kayla until my mom told me after Maria had vented to her about it. Maria doesn’t know what to do, but she wants her son back, most of all.

Kayla, I think, is the most hurt by it. Her, and Barry Jr., who is maybe 6 or 7 and misses his granny and auntie, because he remembers being with them. Barry even lied to him that Maria moved away and that’s why he doesn’t see her, anymore. It’s all very sick, and Barry needs help, and Vanessa is a demon.

IDK. What do y’all think?

#family drama #emotional abuse #siblings #names changed for privacy #if barry or vanessa see this and get angry GOOD #my ask box is open defend y'all hoe selves if you want #you still gon get cussed the fuck out #i know there are two sides to every story but to me the only side that justifies this is if Maria and Kayla are physically harming jr #but they aren't #and they never even met bonnie #so fuck y'all for doing this to all four of them #selfish assholes

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tpanan · 6 years

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My Monday Daily Blessings

August 6, 2018

Be still quiet your heart and mind, the LORD is here, loving you talking to you...........

Feast of Transfiguration of the LORD (Catholic Observance)

Monday of the Eighteenth Week in Ordinary Time (Roman Rite Calendar)

Lectionary: 614

First Reading: Daniel 7:9-10, 13-14

As I watched: Thrones were set up and the Ancient One took his throne. His clothing was bright as snow, and the hair on his head as white as wool; his throne was flames of fire, with wheels of burning fire. A surging stream of fire flowed out from where he sat; Thousands upon thousands were ministering to him, and myriads upon myriads attended him. The court was convened and the books were opened.

As the visions during the night continued, I saw: One like a Son of man coming, on the clouds of heaven; When he reached the Ancient One and was presented before him, The one like a Son of man received dominion, glory, and kingship; all peoples, nations, and languages serve him.

His dominion is an everlasting dominion that shall not be taken away, his kingship shall not be destroyed.

Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 97: 1-2, 5-6, 9

"The LORD is King, the Most High over all the earth."

Second Reading: 2 Peter 1:16-19

Beloved: We did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we had been eyewitnesses of his majesty.

For he received honor and glory from God the Father when that unique declaration came to him from the majestic glory, "This is my Son, my beloved, with whom I am well pleased." We ourselves heard this voice come from heaven while we were with him on the holy mountain. Moreover, we possess the prophetic message that is altogether reliable. You will do well to be attentive to it, as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.

Verse before the Gospel: Matthew 17:5c

Alleluia, Alleluia

"This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him."

Alleluia, Alleluia

Gospel Reading: Mark 9:2-10

Jesus took Peter, James, and his brother John, and led them up a high mountain apart by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no fuller on earth could bleach them. Then Elijah appeared to them along with Moses, and they were conversing with Jesus. Then Peter said to Jesus in reply, "Rabbi, it is good that we are here! Let us make three tents: one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah." He hardly knew what to say, they were so terrified. Then a cloud came, casting a shadow over them; from the cloud came a voice, "This is my beloved Son. Listen to him." Suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone but Jesus alone with them.

As they were coming down from the mountain, he charged them not to relate what they had seen to anyone, except when the Son of Man had risen from the dead. So they kept the matter to themselves, questioning what rising from the dead meant.

**Meditation:

Are you prepared to see the glory of the Lord and to share in his glory as well? The Lord Jesus is eager to share his glory with us! We get a glimpse of this when some of the disciples see Jesus transfigured in glory on a high mountain. [In many churches of the east and west this event is celebrated as a major feast on August 6.] Jesus often went to a lonely place to pray - to seek solitude and sanctuary away from the crowds. But on this occasion, Jesus' face became radiant like the sun and his clothing became dazzling white (Matthew 17: 2 and Luke 9:29).

This vision of radiant light and glory is prefigured in the prophecy of Daniel. In chapter 7 of the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament we see a vision of the "Son of Man who came with the clouds of heaven" and was presented before the royal court of heaven and the "Ancient of Days" who is clothed in a radiant garment "white as snow" (Daniel 7:9,13). The prophet Daniel foretold that God would send his Anointed One, the Son of Man who would come on the clouds of heaven to bring God's reign of glory and righteousness on the earth (see Daniel 7:13-15). Daniel's vision describes a royal investiture of a human king before God's throne. The Son of Man is a Messianic title for God's anointed King, the Lord Jesus Christ. The New Testament word for "Messiah" is "Christ" which literally means the "Anointed One" or the "Anointed King". God sent us his Son not to establish an earthly kingdom but to bring us into his heavenly kingdom - a kingdom ruled by truth, justice, peace, and holiness. The kingdom of God is the central theme of Jesus' mission. It's the core of his Gospel message.

The Lord Jesus came to fulfill all that Moses and the prophets spoke Jesus on three occasions told his disciples that he would undergo suffering and death on a cross to fulfill the mission the Father gave him. As the time draws near for Jesus' ultimate sacrifice on the cross, he takes three of his beloved disciples to the top of a high mountain. Just as Moses and Elijah were led to the mountain of God to discern their ultimate call and mission, so Jesus now appears with Moses and Elijah on the highest mountain overlooking the summit of the promised land. Matthew's Gospel tells us that Jesus was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his garments became white as light (Matthew 17:2).

Jesus reveals his glory to the apostles and to us Why did Jesus appear in dazzling light with Moses and Elijah? The book of Exodus tells us that when Moses had met with God on Mount Sinai the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God (Exodus 34:29). Paul the Apostle wrote that the Israelites could not look at Moses' face because of its brightness (2 Corinthians 3:7). After Elijah, the greatest of the prophets, had destroyed all the priests and idols of Baal in the land, he took refuge on the mountain of God at Sinai. There God showed Elijah his glory in great thunder, whirlwind, and fire, and then spoke with him in a still quiet voice. God questioned Elijah, "What are you doing here?" And then directed him to go and fulfill the mission given him by God. Jesus, likewise, appears in glory with Moses and Elijah, as if to confirm with them that he, too, is ready to fulfill the mission which the Father has sent him to accomplish.

Jesus went to the mountain knowing full well what awaited him in Jerusalem - betrayal, rejection, and crucifixion. Jesus very likely discussed this momentous decision to go to the cross with Moses and Elijah. God the Father also spoke with Jesus and gave his approval: This is my beloved Son; listen to him. The Father glorified his son because he was faithful and willing to obey him in everything. The cloud which overshadowed Jesus and his apostles fulfilled the dream of the Jews that when the Messiah came the cloud of God's presence would fill the temple again (see Exodus 16:10, 19:9, 33:9; 1 Kings 8:10; 2 Maccabees 2:8).

Christ's way to glory The Lord Jesus not only wants us to see his glory - he wants to share this glory with us. And Jesus shows us the way to the Father's glory - follow me - obey my words. Take the path I have chosen for you and you will receive the blessing of my Father's kingdom - your name, too, will be written in heaven. Jesus fulfilled his mission on Calvary where he died for our sins so that Paradise and everlasting life would be restored to us. He embraced the cross to win a crown of glory - a crown that awaits each one of us, if we, too, will follow in his footsteps.

Origen (185-254 AD), a noted early church bible scholar and teacher, explains the significance of Jesus' transfiguration for our own lives:

"Do you wish to see the transfiguration of Jesus? Behold with me the Jesus of the Gospels. Let him be simply apprehended. There he is beheld both "according to the flesh" and at the same time in his true divinity. He is beheld in the form of God according to our capacity for knowledge. This is how he was beheld by those who went up upon the lofty mountain to be apart with him. Meanwhile those who do not go up the mountain can still behold his works and hear his words, which are uplifting. It is before those who go up that Jesus is transfigured, and not to those below. When he is transfigured, his face shines as the sun, that he may be manifested to the children of light, who have put off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. They are no longer the children of darkness or night but have become the children of day. They walk honestly as in the day. Being manifested, he will shine to them not simply as the sun but as he is demonstrated to be, the sun of righteousness." (Commentary on Matthew)

Luke's Gospel tells us that while Jesus was transfigured, Peter, James, and John were asleep (Luke 9:32)! Upon awakening they discovered Jesus in glory along with Moses and Elijah. How much do we miss of God's glory and action because we are asleep spiritually? There are many things which can keep our minds asleep to the things of God: Mental lethargy and the "unexamined life" can keep us from thinking things through and facing our doubts and questions. The life of ease can also hinder us from considering the challenging or disturbing demands of Christ. Prejudice can make us blind to something new the Lord may have for us. Even sorrow can be a block until we can see past it to the glory of God.

We are partakers of his glory Are you spiritually awake? Peter, James, and John were privileged witnesses of the glory of Christ. We, too, as disciples of Jesus Christ are called to be witnesses of his glory. We all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18). The Lord wants to reveal his glory to us, his beloved disciples. Do you seek his presence with faith and reverence?

**Prayer:

"Lord Jesus, keep me always alert to you, to your word, your action, and your constant presence in my life. Let me see your glory."

Sources:

Lectionary for Mass for Use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, Copyright © 2001, 1998, 1997, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain © 1968, 1981, 1997, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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heliosfinance · 7 years

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What Being Homeless Taught Me About Money and Happiness

[Got another great guest post for y’all today. This one comes from Lyn Alden, a newer blogger on the scene who puts out some great in-depth financial guides on her site. Today she dives inwards and shares a part of her own journey with us, and what she’s learned about money and happiness throughout it. Hop on over to her site when you’re done and show her some love!]

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When I was a child, I was homeless for several years.

While most kids my age were starting elementary school, my mother and I were living in homeless shelters, cheap motels, and at the worst point, in a car for a while.

We washed ourselves in public restrooms (sometimes we had to sneak in to do it, in the early morning when people weren’t around), and whether we ate enough or not was based on the kindness of strangers. I jumped around between schools a lot during kindergarten and first grade, and had some multi-month schooling gaps. A homeless guy taught me how to play chess.

Eventually my luck improved a bit, and I went to live with my elderly father in a trailer park, where I grew up until I left for college at 18. He didn’t have much money, so I had to rely on $50,000 worth of student loans and part-time work to fund it.

That all sucked, but now at 29 my finances are solid.

My student debts are a thing of the past, I have a large six figure investment portfolio that I continue to pour money into, there’s plenty of cash set aside for liquidity, and I financially support my mother to help her make ends meet.

The combination of a great income from engineering and finance, always maintaining a side hustle, having a minimalist (but admittedly not frugal) lifestyle, and consistently investing, has worked well.

A lot of people don’t like talking about money. Especially for things that feel awkward to admit, like having been in poverty. But for me, these experiences were incredibly valuable, and it’s worth sharing what I learned from them.

#1. It’s the uncertainty, not the lack of comforts, that causes suffering

Being homeless sucks, but it’s not necessarily for the reasons we might assume.

In extreme circumstances, like people in cities literally out in the cold streets for prolonged periods, or life in certain developing countries, the lack of comforts really does cause physical suffering.

But most poverty in the developed world causes a different kind of suffering: constant stress and uncertainty.

I mean, many well-off people use their vacations to go camping. They PAY MONEY to live as though they’re broke for a week, and it’s fun! And that’s because it’s just a game; we can enjoy the upsides of roughing it out in nature without experiencing any of the uncertainty and difficulties of people who don’t have a choice.

Although it became scary and unhappy at the end when I was living in a car, for most of my time homeless, I was happy. Kids don’t need much in life to feel joy.

One day, a bunch of us children in a shelter were bored, so we decided to make a circus for our parents. We did a survey of our available skillsets, got some markers and cardboard and random odds and ends, and put on a show.

Other times, my mother would take me to museums, which are cheap. She always had me reading, going to the beach, or otherwise doing something of value.

But for her, I’m sure it was a lot less fun. She had the constant stress of uncertainty, of never feeling in control, and of not knowing where herself and her child were going to live next, or who might give us food. And trying (and succeeding) at being a good parent even in the worst of circumstances.

People don’t necessarily need to be homeless to have those stresses, either. A significant percentage of the population is living paycheck to paycheck, not knowing for sure how they will pay their bills next month.

We can apply this concept to our daily life to build serious wealth. Voluntary simplicity is joy.

Living simply, when it’s a choice, doesn’t have to detract from happiness at all. Material comforts have relatively little impact on happiness beyond a certain point. Living in simple conditions, cooking your own food, going to the beach or library or museums or hiking for your pastimes, and saving a ton of money in the process, can be a lot of fun. And it’s healthy.

Meanwhile, when your simple lifestyle allows you to build up your retirement savings, start an emergency fund, or pay off your debts, you begin to feel free. When you have enough money stashed away to cover your expenses for a long time, along with diverse income streams, it provides peace of mind. And considering that money problems are possibly the leading cause of relationship fights, good money habits can make for a more joyful partnership as well.

When I was living with my father, family vacations consisted of him driving me and a friend to a local beach town, where we stayed in a little motel and spent time on the boardwalk. He would give me a big pile of spare coins that he had saved up for months as my vacation allowance to spend on arcades.

In contrast, I’ve upped the scope of my vacations in more recent years, like spending three weeks in luxury hotels in Hong Kong, enjoying rooftop bars, fancy restaurants, and gorgeous mountain trails the whole time. But what I learned firsthand, at least for me, was that the fun of a trip is almost 100% based on who you are with, rather than how classy you travel.

Luxuries are just the sprinkles on the sundae.

#2. You need all parts of your financial house in order, not just some

In her youth, my mother earned a high income and had a sports car. But when things went (really) sour and her income stopped flowing, she had no savings.

My father was the opposite. He lived in a trailer and never had a high income, but always had a fully stocked emergency fund and his credit score was 848. No joke, he literally complained to me wondering why they took off those two points.

His only money problem was that he never had a wealth-building mindset. He paid every single bill on time without fail, and never spent more money than he earned. He had a pension to rely on for retirement, and always had five figures of cash stashed away so that liquidity was never a problem. He was generous to me, to neighbors, and to friends.

(And to his girlfriends; he was a bit of a stud in his old age!)

But he never deliberately saved extra money, and never compounded it to make it grow.

In fact, he sold all his stocks in his small 401(k) at the bottom of the market during the 2001/2002 recession, and stayed in cash. Rather than holding onto his investments, he got turned off by the volatility and went to cash forever, and missed out on the recovery.

To achieve financial freedom, all three components need to be in order: Income, Saving, and Investing. Not just one or two.

#1. Income: It’s important to earn enough money to make an impact, however that is defined for you. Whether through education, entrepreneurship, or side hustles, a bigger stream of income will lead to financial security more quickly.

For example, someone who makes $30,000/year in after-tax income and has $20,000/year in expenses will have $10,000/year to use for paying off debt and saving for retirement.

But if she can earn just $500/month after tax on the side, then although it only increases her income by 20%, it increases her potential savings rate by a full 60%. That makes a huge difference.

#2. Saving: Whether it’s keeping a budget or something else, find a pattern that fits for you and that keeps your savings going up.

A lot of pro athletes make millions and then go bankrupt five years later. Johnny Depp made more money than a hundred people do in a lifetime, but spent it all buying things like $5 million cannons.

No amount of income can fix poor spending habits.

#3. Investments: This is where a lot of people go wrong. They spend decades working and aren’t much richer than the day they started, because they haven’t been investing. Then they find themselves vulnerable to layoffs and pension cuts.

Investing every month like clockwork, and achieving a good rate of return from a diversified portfolio, will allow you to reach financial freedom early.

One of the best ways to really push yourself to build wealth is to track it. Most people don’t.

#3. Wealth-building isn’t always a smooth process

I started investing in stocks when I was 16.

Admittedly, I had NO IDEA what I was doing, since to me, a stock was “undervalued” if it dropped a lot in price recently, since it was less valuable than before, and that’s what Warren Buffett said to do, right? Or something like that.

I didn’t know about price-to-earnings ratios, analyzing the discounted cash flows, or any other way to fundamentally value an investment like people who wear suits do.

But it was a start.

I was tired of being broke, and of always being uncertain about the future or how I would afford things like school. I saw the two halves of my parents, and wanted to put their strengths together in such a way that I wouldn’t have the same struggles they did.

So, I read every book I could find on investing. I got excited about spreadsheets, and turned on by compound returns. Warren Buffett (and Batman, let’s be real) was my hero.

When I was in college, I had it all figured out. I knew what the typical starting salary for an engineer was, could figure out all the basic expenses of life and how to keep them small, and calculated that if I put $2,000 in inflation-adjusted dollars away per month, and achieve a 7% average return on my investments, my money would grow like this over my career:

But in my mid-twenties, my father passed away.

I encountered health problems of my own as well, which lasted for a few years and resulted in big medical bills that weren’t fully covered by insurance, which wasted many thousands of dollars while I was trying to work and save. And my mother started needing financial support.

I hadn’t accounted for all that in my projections…

So, I started to go off track, and had a couple years where my wealth didn’t grow at all, and even went down one year. My income was stagnant due to my lack of time and focus, and my expenses grew.

I eventually got it back on track, and started pushing my income up and expenses back down.

What I learned here was that we can’t compare ourselves to others. I saw examples of people hitting a million dollars by age 30, or people whose net worth seemed to only go ever upward, and I thought, “what the hell!”

But everyone encounters different curveballs in life, and the worst thing you can do is let a temporary setback drive you permanently off course.

#4. Experiencing both the good and the bad in life is valuable

Most of us go through life fearing certain things, and financial topics are near the top of the list.

We worry that we’ll lose our jobs, we worry about debt or retirement, we worry about recessions, and many of us imagine the worst – what if we’re out on the street? What if we’re homeless?

In ancient Greece and Rome, Stoics used to practice voluntary discomfort as a form of self-improvement. They would identify things that they feared, and deliberately go out and experience them. At that point they could say, “is this what I feared?”

Being homeless in my youth let me experience at least some small part of the rougher side of the spectrum. All these years later, it still helps put things into perspective when I encounter day-to-day problems.

If not for that experience, I don’t think I’d be as committed to wealth-building and financial freedom as I am today. But rather than stop there, I made a habit of practicing voluntary discomfort from time to time:

MMA Fighting — I spent 12 years doing mixed martial arts, especially during my teenage years.

I’ve been held down and punched repeatedly by a man twice my weight, on more than one occasion. My left knee was broken in a sparring match and still makes some interesting sounds to this day. I fractured my right thumb when I hit guy in the ribs with a hook punch and accidentally clipped his blocking elbow during my swing. I’ve been choked to submission and slammed to the floor more times than I can count. A professional fighter 15 pounds heavier and 15 years older than me beat me at a tournament so badly once that I cried a little.

To this day, it all makes a lot of things in life seem less scary.

Fasting — I used to think that if you don’t eat, you just keep getting hungrier and hungrier, which frightened me. So, I decided to try a 3-day fast, with just water.

As it turns out, once you cross a certain point of not eating, the body starts to tap into its own body fat for fuel more readily. If you go long enough, your brain starts running on ketones instead of glucose, which is known to suppress hunger in many people, and give you a sense of alertness. Many people fast during religious or spiritual experiences, partially because it creates a sense of mental clarity and even mild euphoria. I was less hungry on day 3 than I was on the first day, and I still occasionally do 1-day fasts. (Disclaimer: Maybe check with your doctor first before trying any weird eating habits, especially if you’re on meds.)

That experience ended up coming in handy, because a few months later, my town was struck by a thunderstorm deadly enough to have a Wikipedia page about it. I was about to go grocery shopping that morning, so literally the only food I had in my apartment when the storm hit was a single chocolate bar.

Power was out for miles, stores were closed or emptied out, and more fallen trees than I had ever seen in my life were blocking roads. Three people were dead not too far away, and the county was declared a federal disaster area. But because I had already experienced what fasting really felt like, I didn’t feel much to worry about, and just thought calmly about how I should best approach this and get supplies from somewhere, eventually.

It would have been a lot more stressful had I not already experienced what not eating is like.

Lack of Control — I’m an orderly person that likes to plan everything in advance and have multiple backup plans. The idea of not being in control is unappealing.

So, I once flew to Argentina without telling a single person where I was going, and rented an apartment in a middle class non-touristy neighborhood of Buenos Aires for three weeks. I don’t speak a word of Spanish, and English isn’t very common there.

The whole trip consisted of me trying to navigate around the city to see things, with everything being 10x harder than usual because I didn’t know what I was doing and couldn’t speak very well. But it was memorable, and reminds me how easy life is with a car, and where I can speak to people and read signs.

Final Words

There’s a Chinese proverb that goes, “wealth never survives three generations”.

From what Money Magazine has reported, it’s true. A full 70% of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation, and 90% lose it by the third generation.

That’s an astounding statistic if you think about it. Not only do most of them not continue to build wealth from their starting point; they actually lose what they already have.

Partly that’s because, according to the same article, 2/3rds of people don’t disclose almost anything about their wealth to their children. As the next generation grows up, they often don’t have any of the money habits or hard work ethic of their parents that originally built the wealth from the ground up.

Naturally, parents want to give their children a better life than they had. But often in doing so, the next generation becomes soft and pampered, unable to appreciate their money that they didn’t have to earn themselves, and never developing the skills to maintain and build what they have.

So, if you don’t have a lot of money and didn’t come from a well-off background, then take heart!

Although you may be disadvantaged in some ways, in other ways you have an advantage, because you’re hungry for more, and you have to create what you want from scratch. Not a lot of people set out on a wealth-building lifestyle, but once you get on that train, you’ve got all the money habits in place that should keep you going up.

And if you did come from money, and don’t want to fall prey to the statistics, then try to continually rekindle that sense of energy and passion and vulnerability so that you can maintain all the advantages of having money without having the downsides of complacency. Practicing voluntary discomfort is useful in that sense.

Either way, it’s important to push yourself, to stay fresh by experiencing multiple sides of the world, and to put yourself in new and uncomfortable situations to learn and grow from them.

But live below your means and save and invest like hell, so that as much of the discomfort as possible that you experience in life is by choice.

****** Lyn blogs over at LynAlden.com, and holds a bachelor’s in electronics engineering and a master’s in engineering management with a focus on engineering economics. Much of her work involves budget planning, technical procurement, and project management. On the side she does website development and freelance writing, and creates in-depth guides on financial topics.

What Being Homeless Taught Me About Money and Happiness published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

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