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baecvlt · 3 years

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Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

#danganronpa #fanfic #danganronpa goodbye despair #smut #dr nagito #sdr2 nagito #nagito headcanons #nagito smut #nagito x reader #nagito komaeda #nagito komeada x reader #x reader #danganronpa nagito

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jamielea81 · 5 years

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Conversations

Chapter 4

Description: You accompany your friends on a day trip to Animal Kingdom Theme Park where you meet Scott Evans by chance. This one afternoon leads to a year long friendship with both Chris and Scott over text messages and phone calls.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Cursing, drinking, and drunk texting.

A/N: Italics are internal thoughts.

Chapter 3

“Where do you want to eat?” Brooks asked once the two of you reached a strip of fast food and casual eateries.

Both of you left the office in search of a late lunch. In actuality, Brooks surprised you in the parking lot when you pulled in. You had just eaten breakfast two hours prior, but hey, if he was paying, you were going.

“Champs is always good,” you said.

Brooks hummed in reply, but kept walking past the entrance, leaving you standing there puzzled.

“Okaaaaay,” you said as you jogged to catch up. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Okay. Sure. We’ll go with that,” you replied.

When you passed the fifth restaurant, you quickly walked ahead, grabbing the door for Panera Bread and holding it open for him. “In! Now!”

He chucked, shook his head, and walked in, you following behind.

With a large, apple and chicken salad in front of you, as well as large hunk of bread, you decided to let the two of you eat in peace before the interrogation began.

“Do you really need three packets of butter for that piece of bread?” he questioned.

You pointed the plastic butter knife at him. “It’s rude to talk with your mouth full. And yes, this is a lot of bread, so it deserves a proportionate amount of butter. Bread and butter give me life. Don’t hate,” you replied, tearing a chunk off.

He closed his mouth, chewing a large bite of his sandwich but giving you a large closed lipped smile.

After your stomach was overstuffed by the bread you insisted on eating, you took a large sip of water, eyeing Brooks who now had his phone in hand.

“You and Jana are too much alike. Always so serious on your damn phones,” you said. Pushing your cup away because you were just too full for even water.

“One to talk. I hear you are mighty chatty with those…Evans guys,” he whispers at the end causing you to roll your eyes.

“They’re both friends,” you reply, shrugging your shoulders.

“Not with Chris from what I hear,” he said, the smugness thick.

You bite out a laugh. “From what you hear. You mean Jana? That’s your big scoop? You’re such a punk.”

“I’m just sayin’ that it all sounds flirty to me.”

“Remind me to not tell Jana anything anymore,” you said.

He gives you a half smile, but says nothing else.

“It’s not like that. He’s Brish Mevins.” Brooks chuckles at the fake name you gave Chris. “Have you seen the girls he’s dated?”

Brooks shakes his head no, but picks up his phone and starts typing away. You put your hand over it, forcing it down.

“Neither have I, and I want to keep it that way. But I’m sure they’re gorgeous and probably all actresses. Besides, sometimes people just flirt. I do it too. It’s fun,” you replied.

“Think what you will, but be open to it,” Brooks says, taking his finger and tapping your nose.

“Dorks. That’s the only types of people I know.” Brooks scrunches up his face and gives you a smile. “Any way. Tell me what’s up and don’t say it’s nothing.”

He lets out a long breath but sits up straighter, his face instantly changing to one that’s excited. “I got a job offer,” he exclaims.

“A different one at the paper?” you asked.

He shakes his head no. “It’s with an online news organization. It’s still a sales position, but it’s better pay and I can work from anywhere.”

“Don’t leave me there by myself,” you pout. “You can’t buy me lunch if you’re at home.” Bottom lip sticking out.

“You’re hardly there by yourself. How often have I come to your desk and your busy chatting with the women around you?” he asked.

While you are extremely happy for your friend, damn, are you going to miss seeing him every day.

“Not the same.” You take a big breath in. “But I want the best for you. So, if you’re happy, I’ll be happy. The Cole family is certainly moving up. You with this new job and Jana making partner.”

Brooks throws a hand up. “Don’t jinx it. Nothing’s been announced yet.”

You copy his stance, adding your second hand in. “Fine. Fine. But it’s going to happen.”

It’s media day at Walt Disney’s Hollywood Studios. The second attraction, Rise of the Resistance in Galaxy’s Edge is opening and you are quite excited. You hadn’t always loved the Star Wars franchise, not getting into the movies until your early twenties thanks to an old boyfriend who was pretty obsessed. This ride is supposed to be a huge deal and with very little revealed to the public thus far, you’re stoked.

There’s a big presentation by CEO Robert Iger with some surprise guests. Storm Troopers are roaming the currently empty stage while various members of the media prepare to go live once the presentation starts. A borrowed camera with a zoom lens from the paper rests in your hand. You also have your digital voice recorder ready to go. It would be easier to film the event and take stills from the video, but with a good number of YouTubers making up the event, you can always catch what you missed later that night.

Robert Iger walks on the stage while small pyrotechnics fire off from the back. Cheers all around. The buzz in the air is catchy and you find yourself fangirling more than anything. The special guests end up being Daisy Ridley and John Boyega as both actors play a part in the ride.

You’re given a return time to ride the attraction that day. Seeing that you have about an hour until your time slot, you peruse the shops selling various themed wares. Even the bottles of Coke products are themed to match the land. You purchase an orbed shape bottle of Sprite and snap a selfie sending it off to Scott.

Scott: Sprite? You’re in Star Wars land and you get soda. Where’s the blue milk?

You laugh at his reply.

Y/N: Star Wars land? It’s called Galaxy’s Edge Grumpy.

Y/N: Have you tried the blue milk? I’ll stick with the pop thank you very much.

Scott: Pop?! What the fuck is pop?

Scott: How long have you lived in Florida. The word you’re looking for is soda.

Y/N: Whatever 🙄

You snuck a selfie with a Storm Trooper and sent it to Chris. A few minutes later he was calling you.

“Hey babe,” you answered.

Yeah, your friendship had taken on another nickname. He called you sweetheart and you called him babe. The first time you said it to him you cringed. Like full body folded in half while you waited for a reaction. You didn’t mean to say it, but Chris took to calling you almost daily. He had a long break in his schedule and you had become part of his day. One day the word just slipped out. It felt natural. When he went on as if nothing happened, you relaxed. The nickname slipped out more and more as if that were his name.

“You’re killing me sweetheart! Are you there for the paper?” he asked.

“Yeah. Story will post tomorrow if you want to read it. I’m about to go on Rise of the Resistance in a few minutes.”

“Of course, I want to read it. Send me the link tomorrow. Gah! I’m jealous,” he whined.

You let out a giggle. “Get your butt to Orlando then. If you can’t swing the cost of a hotel, you can stay with me,” you replied.

“Uh-huh, okay, Sassy. I’ll let you know. Go enjoy your day smartass,” he said.

“You wouldn’t put up with me if you didn’t like it,” you teased.

“Need to stop talking to Scott. Apparently, he’s a bad influence on you,” Chris said.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. But I’m going to head over to the line. I’ll call you later babe,” you said.

“Sounds good sweetheart. Bye,” Chris said ending the call.

Rise of the Resistance was not only visually stunning, but action packed. There were so many details that no doubt you could ride ten additional times and still not catch them all. The Sentinel was lucky to have a Disney enthusiast such as yourself on staff. Whenever there was a Disney Parks story needed, they knew yours would trump the competition. While you knew you were good at your job, you were also your worst critic and struggled to really put yourself out there. This is why you mainly worked on assignment with only writing a story of your choosing from time to time.

On your way out of the park, you purchased a Mickey Premium Ice Cream Bar. You took a bite out of one of the ears and snapped a selfie. The picture was quickly sent to Chris since he asked you to mail one to him a month again.

Y/N: I was going to mail this but he just looked so damn tempting.

Chris: I may not talk to you for a while. I think you understand why.

Y/N: I refuse to believe that. I’ll call you later.

Chris: We’ll see

What a baby.

It was Christmas Eve and you were freezing cold in your mom’s house. The heat was on, but she liked to keep the thermostat set to sixty eight to keep the gas bill low. Living in Florida for fifteen years had thinned your blood. The one positive about being back in Minnesota in the winter besides seeing your family, were the cute winter clothes you could wear again. Despite the warmer temperatures all year round in Central Florida, clothing stores still sold tall boots and thick sweaters.

Dressed in a large cream cowl neck sweater, dark blue jeans, and fuzzy red and white stripped socks, you were still freezing. You pulled the green throw blanket up to your neck, wishing someone would hold your mug of hot cocoa spiked with Baileys up to your lips so you wouldn’t have to remove your hands from under your blanket.

“When did you turn into such a baby?” Heath, your younger brother asked.

Like a true baby, you stuck your tongue out at him. He smirked but shook his head at you before sitting down next to you on the couch. Your mom and her sisters are in the kitchen, fussing with dinner, but mostly drinking wine. The “kids” who are all in their late twenties and thirties include your cousins Jenny, Rebecca, Tony, and Nick and his wife Avery, as well as yourself and Heath.

You brother reaches forward and grabs your mug off the coffee table, taking a sip before passing it to you.

“This is weak,” he said.

“Not all of us need a splash of cocoa in our Baileys,” you replied.

“When’s the last time we all got drunk together?” Jenny asked.

“Not since Nick’s wedding and that was like ten years ago,” Rebecca replies.

“Count us out, we got the kids watching TV in basement and need to get home tonight,” Avery said.

Nick frowns causing you to chuckle.

“I’m game, but I don’t want to get Baileys drunk. What else do we have?” you asked.

Heath got up and walked into the kitchen, politely smiling at your mother before opening a cabinet. It was taking some effort as he was trying to reach the back of the cupboard. A few seconds later he walked back into the living room with his hands behind his back. Like a magician unveiling his trick, he pulls the bottle from behind his back.

The group of you oohs at the green bottle of Jägermeister.

“We’re going to be so sick,” Rebecca said.

“On Christmas,” you add. “Why does mom have a bottle of Jägermeister?

Fuck. Mom is going to be so mad at us.

“It’s mine from like five years ago. I left it here and forgot all about it,” Heath chuckles.

“Do we have shot glasses?” Jenny asked.

“Doubt it,” Heath said.

“But we do have Dixie cups in the bathroom.” Tony said, getting up from his seat and moving into the bathroom.

Heath grabbed his phone and hit play on his nineties music playlist. It may be Christmas Eve, but this was really a get together with your family since you mainly only came home once a year. Even then, not everyone was able to get together every year.

With your first shot in hand, you snap a selfie. Best to do it now before I start to get sloppy.

Downing the shot with your brother and cousins, you grab your phone to fire off a text, attaching the picture to send Chris and then to Scott.

Y/N: Cheers to a Merry Christmas

Scott’s the first to reply as you finish your second shot.

Scott: Someone’s getting holly and jolly

You giggled at that causing your family to all send you a questioning look.

“These shots are already going straight to my head,” you said quickly.

“Drinking game!” Heath shouts. “Since we know the Christmas Story is on TV, anytime someone says Ralphie, we drink.”

“We are so getting wasted tonight,” Tony said.

“Mom,” you called out. She walked from the kitchen into the living room where you all were. “I think everyone but Nick and Avery are staying over.”

“You kids,” she sighs as she shakes her head walking away.

Your phone buzzed in your hand. Chris had responded to your text.

Chris: God you’re adorable.

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach with heat instantly rising to your cheeks. You hoped the alcohol you consumed was a good enough cover for the redness you were no doubt showing.

Your phone started to buzz in your hand repeatedly. You were so lost in your thoughts, you almost missed the call entirely.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Merry Christmas sweetheart.” Chris said. His voice was a little rough, making you shiver.

“Hi Ba-Chris,” you said, almost slipping out the nickname in front of your family. Getting up quickly, you moved to your old bedroom for privacy.

“How’s your Christmas so far?” he asked.

“Really good. It’s like the first Christmas in maybe five years where all my cousins on my mom’s side could come,” you said. “We’re having a really good time.”

He chuckled. “I can see that. How many paper cups of alcohol have you had?”

“Only two. Probably a lot more to come,” you replied. “Besides, it’s warming me up. It’s like I get amnesia about the weather.”

“I bet. Too much sunshine. It’s cold here too,” Chris said.

“Are you and Scott in Boston?” you asked.

“Yep, for like the last week. Probably be here another couple of weeks. You should come to Boston,”

What?

You cleared your throat. “Like now?” you asked.

Chris chuckled again. Damn, if that laugh didn’t get you every time.

“Like in general.” He pauses for a moment. “You should come out sometime. Scott’s here a lot. I’m here a lot. It would be fun. Give ya the whole New England experience,” he said.

“You know, it’s cold in Massachusetts,” you chuckled out.

“It’s a good thing you look so cute in sweaters,” he said, seriousness in his voice.

Okay fine. I like Chris. I like him, like him. Fuck.

You’re rendered speechless. Yes, he’s flirty every once in a while, via text message, but hearing it over the phone is something else. It’s almost not fair that he can say those things but be a thousand miles away most days.

“Hello? Did I lose you sweetheart?” Chris asked.

“Sor…sorry. Yeah, I’ll think about it,” you stammered.

“Come in the fall. It’s beautiful in the fall and not too cold for you.”

“Okay. Yeah. We’ll work it out,” you replied.

“I’m holding you to it.” Chris said.

“Y/N? Where’d you go?” Rebecca called from the other room.

“Hey, Chris. I’m being summoned in the next room. M’sure I’m a few drinks behind by now,” you replied.

“Okay, sweetheart. Go have fun with your family,” he said.

“You too, babe. Merry Christmas,”

“Merry Christmas,” he replied.

You were indeed late to the party as everyone was plenty tipsy by the time you walked back into the living room. Tony handing you a full paper cup before you could even sit down.

An hour later you had given up on drinking. You were at the point where you were just tipsy enough with zero percent chance of getting sick and that was plenty. You had a feeling your mom would be waking everyone up bright and early tomorrow.

You picked up your phone and sent Chris a text. Because having your phone while drunk was a great idea.

Y/N: We all want something beautiful

Man, I wish I was beautiful

The two of you had a habit of sending song lyrics back and forth to each other. Since the nineties station was still playing on Heath’s phone, Mr. Jones seemed appropriate. And maybe the booze made you brave since the words had hidden meaning to your crush on Chris.

Chris: A little Counting Crows on Christmas?

Y/N: Why not? Sometimes Christmas makes you nostalgic for the 90s.

“One more shot. Come on. Just one more. You’re never home to get drunk with me anymore.” Heath sniggered.

“You are a bad influence on me,” you teased, poking him in his chest. “Fine. One more and that’s it.”

One more turned into three more and you were suddenly sloppy drunk. You said goodnight to everyone, after throwing them extra blankets and pillows you scrounged up from your bedroom.

Alone in your room, you couldn’t get your mind off of Chris. After calling you cute and inviting you to Boston, not to mention the flirty texts, it was all too much.

Y/N: I think yur so cutte

Y/N: so nice n sweet

Y/N: just derseve everything you evr want

Y/N: wish yo not so far away

Predictive text doesn’t catch everything apparently, but you’re pretty sure he would get what you were saying. Before you could type another devotion to Chris, your phone rang, causing you to drop it on your head.

“Motherfucker!” you exclaimed, rubbing your aching head.

The phone continued to ring regardless of your pain.

“Hello?” you groaned.

“So, I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and say that you are trying to text my brother.” Scott said.

“Scott! Hi! I miss you!”

He chuckled. “Yeah, Yeah. Miss you too Sassy. Sounds like someone’s a little drunk.”

You giggled. “You’re a little drunk!”

“Oh my god. I should be recording this call.” He murmured.

You laughed because that’s what you did when you drank. You weren’t sure why you were laughing, but Scott always put you in a good mood.

“Anyway. I’m going to call you tomorrow because you probably won’t remember this. I need you to put your phone away and go to sleep. Those text messages you thought you were sending to Chris, you actually sent to me,” he said.

You frowned, sticking out your bottom lip. “Can you show Chris? He needs to know,” you whined.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow sweetie. Now get some rest. Goodnight,” Scott said.

“Night Scott.”

The next morning you groaned to the sounds of your mother banging pots and pans. You were pretty sure she was doing it on purpose. With every bang, it felt like your head was going to crack open. Taking a pillow from under your head, you put it over your face and prayed that you could fall back to sleep. But then you remembered something about telling Chris he was cute.

Oh no! He’s going to think I’m some sad, desperate girl.

You grabbed your phone, praying Chris didn’t reply. Maybe he’d ignore it and save you the embarrassment. But then you remembered Scott calling you.

“Thank god for Scott,” you mumbled.

Typing out a quick reply to Scott since he would now be considered your saving grace.

Y/N: Thank you for saving me from myself.

Scott: No problem Sassy. How are you feeling?

Y/N: Like death. Not drinking again, probably for years.

Scott: So dramatic.

Y/N: Merry Christmas Grumpy.

Scott: Merry Christmas Sassy.

You plugged your nearly dead phone in to charge and regrettably got out of bed since your mom continued to make way too much noise at nine in the morning. You took a shower, hoping it would make you feel more alive. Sadly, it did not.

After eating breakfast which consisted of pancakes since your mom took a little mercy on you, you crawled back into bed. Christmas dinner was being served at five, so you grabbed your phone to set an alarm for an or two, because you knew you would over sleep. As soon as you picked it up, you saw you had a text from Chris.

Chris: Merry Christmas sweetheart.

Chris Evans was going to be the death of you.

Chapter 5

Tag List: @mustangshelby04 @bellaireland1981 @carolina-thiell @straightforwardly @torntaltos @denise1605 @mcuclintasha @southerngracela @iam-cj @trynnabemultifandom @chrisevansforever-blog @kelbabyblue @broadwayandnetflix @kyjey @thevelvetseries @i-just-feel-like @daddieslittlefangirl @hista-girl @stankface @denisemarieangelina @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @whymalu @the-doctors-fallen-angel @mariswritingforfun @tessabb7 @chrisevansfanfic @lakamaa12 @thinkxlovexloud @nea90sweetie @the-murder-strut-murdered-me @greyeyedsmile14 @dangerouslovefanfic @ripvandrinkle @bitterstar88 @andymi3ntus @zestygingergirl @tanelle83 @pinknerdpanda @allaboutthebooz @estillion14 @panicfob @patzammit @heartislubbingdubbing @collinsstanharbour @twittytelly @thefandomzoneisdangerous @linki-locks11 @mywinterwolf @ab-baybay @rda1989 @impalaimages @jesseswartzwelder @rainbowkisses31 @xostephaniethe

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x reader insert #chris evans imagine #chris evans au #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fic #chris evans fan fiction

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prolestariwrites · 4 years

Photo

The Wish [2]

Fandom: Devil May Cry Characters: Dante, Vergil, Nero, V, Lady, Eva, Sparda, OC Rating: General Tags: Family, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Typical demon hunting violence

Summary: A demon gives Dante the chance to have his greatest desires made real. When he finds himself in a seemingly idyllic life, all seems well until it starts to unravel. Will he sacrifice himself to save the family he lost, or will he choose to give them up for the truth?

Now Posted: Chapter 2, in which Dante hunts for clues and to who he is, and where he is, when he reconnects with a long-lost relative.

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Chapter 2: Pictures and Clues

Dante spends a full ten minutes just sitting on the bed in his underwear. He reviews every step of the night before: Nero texting him about this job, catching the train to Fortuna, the two of them driving out to the warehouse with the radio blaring and picking up burgers on the way. Then the demons, dozens upon dozens, that weren't difficult but packed to the brim so that when they pried open the front door of the building they swarmed like roaches.

He had found the queen at the top, but there it gets fuzzy. It talked to him, but about what? Something about his family? Every time he gets to that part, his headache turns a little sharper, so Dante decides to give thinking a rest so he can figure out where the hell he actually is.

His jeans are slung over a chair so he grabs them and fishes inside for his cell phone. It's different from the one he normally has, and he frowns as he turns it on and finds a passcode. He tries the first thing he can think of—1, 2, 3, 4, easy enough—and luckily it works. Quickly he dials Nero's number, but isn't really surprised when the automated voice comes on the line to tell him that number is not in service.

Dante scratches the back of his head. He's here, in a strange house with a woman who knows his parents, and Nero is… somewhere. Got it.

But then he wonders if something might have happened to Nero. What if he needs his help? Then this has got to be a dream, right? So how does he wake up?

Once he pulls his jeans on and finds a t-shirt in the other set of drawers, he tries the door. Cautiously he opens it, but the house is quiet, so Dante slips into the hallway. There are two other bedrooms and a bathroom which look suspiciously normal. Even the closets are tidy, and Dante snorts when he gets to the linen closet. This must be a dream. Who owns so many towels?

Next, he heads downstairs to the main floor. At the bottom is a living room, complete with a comfortable-looking sofa and a big-screen television. Dante stands in front of it and admires it for a minute before grabbing the remote control. He lets out a low whistle when he sees the picture quality, thinking if this is a dream, he's got good taste.

That demon's got good taste.

Dante shakes his head and continues his search. A small dining room is to the left, and to the right is a hallway leading to another half bath. The kitchen is nice too, the dishwasher humming and a pot of coffee warm on the counter. Even the refrigerator is stocked, and Dante helps himself to a piece of chicken he finds in a plastic container, figuring he can eat whatever he wants in a dream.

Out the kitchen window he can see a little backyard, and Dante sighs as he leans against the counter and chews thoughtfully. It's a nice enough house, something any ordinary couple might buy for a starter home. He glances down at the gold band on his finger, holding it up so he can examine it closely. Setting the chicken down, he wipes his hand on his jeans and slips it off, turning it over until he notices an inscription on the inside: Dante and Lir Forever.

He pictures the cute blonde who was half his size but acted more than familiar. "Lir," he murmurs out loud, slipping the ring back on as he looks around.

Wandering back through the house, Dante notices some pictures sitting on the windowsill in the living room. He walks over and picks up the first one, his face going a bit pale. He is in a suit, and that woman‚ Lir, is in a wedding dress. They are posed and smiling in front of a cake, holding a knife together as if to cut it. He turns it over but there's nothing out of the ordinary about it, and Dante snorts as he sets it back down again.

The next few are of them as well: a selfie in winter gear, posing in what Patty would call "Sunday attire", in bathing suits at a beach, arms around each other and grinning at the camera. He's gotta admit, they look pretty good together. His brain did a good job dreaming this girl up.

The next photo, however, feels like a punch to the gut. It's a double-sided frame on a hinge, and on one side it's him and a man who looks exactly like him, only his hair is slicked back instead of hanging in fringes around his face. In fact, he looks exactly like what Vergil would look like. If he was still alive.

Dante's hand shakes as he examines the picture. It is Vergil, it's got to be, the same slightly slimmer build and the half-inch in height that made it possible to tell them apart. The only thing that shocks him more than seeing this picture is the one opposite. Across from Dante and Vergil posed with small smiles is Vergil and Lady, her hand in his arm as they smile into the camera.

Gripping the picture frame, he grabs the next one and braces himself. Staring up at him are two people he somewhat recognizes, as if he had seen them in a dream. They are older, in their 60s maybe, the man grinning with his arm around his wife, sitting together on a couch. He has longish silver hair, not unlike Dante's, a pair of glasses hanging around his neck. Her blonde hair is swept up into a bun, streaks of white only making her more dignified, her hand on the man's knee. Dante brings the picture up so close his nose nearly touches it, and that's when he realizes that the woman is a dead ringer for Trish, if Trish was about 40 years older.

His cell phone rings in his pocket, startling him out of his examination. Dante fumbles for the phone but freezes when he sees the name Vergil appear on the screen. It takes another three rings before he gets the courage to answer. "Yeah?"

"Did I wake you or something?"

Dante staggers to the couch and sits heavily, still clutching the two pictures in his hands. He knew what to expect, but nothing could have prepared him for hearing that voice on the other end. "Dante," it says again. "You there?"

"Y-yeah," he stammers, his voice cracking around a dry throat. "Verge, is that you?"

"Of course it's me. I want to talk about tonight." Dante's eyes close as he listens, trying not to freak out. Even Vergil's exasperation for him is the same. "I'm paying for dinner, and I don't want to hear anything about it. We need to settle this now so we don't argue at the restaurant."

"What uh…" Dante's mind is spinning and he shakes his head to clear it. "Yeah uh, Lir mentioned something about a dinner. Do you know Lir?"

"I'm surprised you forgot, Dante. Usually you remember these sorts of things." Dante leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tries to breathe. "This dinner tonight is important and I don't want a scene. Just let me pay for it, and afterward we can agree on how you'll pay me back your half. Agreed?"

Dante swallows thickly. "Yeah, yeah that's fine. Vergil. Vergil."

Even saying his name gives Dante the shivers. "Well I expected more of an argument. Glad you're going to listen to reason. Don't be late."

"Wait, Verge?" Dante looks down at the picture in his hand, something hot and tight tickling his throat. "Can I see you? Can you come over?"

"What for? I'll be seeing you tonight, and I have the kids. Are you sick? Where's Lir?"

"She covered a shift," Dante replies. "Please, Verge, I got… I need to say some things."

"Well say it tonight. I'm not driving all the way over there when I'll see you in a few hours."

Dante chuckles, swallowing tears as his breath escapes in a laugh. "Okay. Yeah. Hey uh, is mom and dad… they really gonna be there? At this dinner thing?"

There is a long pause, and then Vergil huffs, "Don't be stupid," before hanging up on him.

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The rest of the afternoon Dante spends figuring out his life. He finds photo albums in the closet, handmade scrapbooks that Lir definitely made. They chronicle some of their vacations, and he smiles as he turns the pages to see them camping, at the beach, at Disneyworld. The wedding one makes him wince a bit, the smiling faces of his brother and his parents making something in his chest tight. The date on the preserved invitation tells him they've been married about ten years, which is pretty funny since the longest relationship he's ever had was about ten minutes after getting dressed.

He looks weird in a suit, and Dante snorts to think what Lady or Trish would say if they saw him. But Lady is there, on Vergil's arm, and that is a mystery he can't wait to solve. And Trish kind of is there, in the form of his mother, looking slightly older but just as lovely.

There is a drawer in the desk in the office that has some bills, and he boots up the computer to take a look through. The email is pretty normal, receipts from online orders and utility companies, messages from the family and people he doesn't know. There is a link to a bank account and Dante's brows lift to see the balance. Compared to his normal finances, the amount seems like a small fortune.

There must be something a god of fortune can give you.

A cat appears suddenly, jumping onto the desk and stalking across the keyboard to plop across his arms. Dante pulls back in reaction, which earns him a very annoyed look from the cat. "Hey uh, there," he says, tentatively reaching out to pat its head.

The cat snaps at him, and Dante rolls his eyes. He never got along with animals as a rule. "So you want to sit on my computer as I'm using it but I can't pet you, hm?" he grumbles. The cat yawns in response, so he decides to go find lunch instead.

There's not much more to discover after having a sandwich. His life seems completely ordinary, although he doesn't know exactly what he does or even if he's still in Red Grave City. The other question still to solve is Nero. If Vergil is alive and married to Lady, then does Nero even exist? His face goes a bit hot to think of the kid not being around. But Vergil had mentioned kids on the phone… is it possible?

He is dozing on the couch and watching television when the door bursts open. Dante is on his feet and reaching for his guns that aren't there when Lir hurries in, her arms filled with dry cleaning as she comes like a whirlwind into the living room. "I'm so sorry I'm late! I can't believe I got stuck there! I told them I couldn't stay, and now look at the time!"

She pushes the clothes and plastic into his arms and pulls her cell phone from her purse. "Did you take a shower yet? You still need to shave. You are going to shave, right? You can't look like a sasquatch at the party."

Lir looks up at him expectantly, and Dante shrugs. "Yeah, I guess?"

"Good. Wait. Are you okay?" She steps up and presses a hand to his forehead. "You were sick this morning. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay," he assures her. "I had a weird dream."

She smiles, and his heart actually skips a beat. His brain is good. "Good. Did you feed Claudius?"

"Claudius?"

"Yes. The cat." Lir laughs and pats his chest. "Was he a problem today?"

Dante thinks about the cat that interrupted his computer search. "No. And no, I didn't feed him."

"Okay. I'll take care of it. You go shower and get dressed. And don't take too much off, you know I prefer a bit of facial hair." She takes the dry cleaning from his arms and pulls one of the hangers to hand back to him. "Here's your shirt and pants. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Yeah." He watches her step around him, draping the rest of the clothes over the back of a chair before disappearing into the kitchen. If this is a dream, it's more vivid than any he can remember.

The shower feels good, even if Dante is amazed by how many things are on the shelves. He's never lived with a girl but is there anything needed really other than a bar of soap? In one of the drawers under the sink he finds a shaving kit and goes to work before the shower fixing up his face just like she asked. It occurs to Dante that this is his dream and he can do whatever he wants, but something makes him not want to disappoint her, so he makes sure to leave a nicely trimmed beard while removing the rest from his cheeks and neck. Once the shower is hot, he goes for the least-strange sounding soaps before finishing up and drying off with a nice fluffy towel.

He peeks into the bedroom and finds it empty. Quickly he hurries over to the bureau and opens the top drawer, rummaging around for some underwear. Dante just has his first foot in when Lir enters, and he yelps when he sees her. "Hey! I'm getting dressed!" he protests.

She freezes and looks at him in surprise as he pulls his boxer briefs up. "Yeah. I see that." With a laugh she moves to the closet and hangs the rest of the dry cleaning up before disappearing into the bathroom.

Dante frowns before he remembers, they are married. He rubs his hand on his face with an internal groan. He is going to have to get used to this as long as this dream or whatever lasted, including being half-dressed in front of her. While she's gone he quickly pulls on the dark slacks and gray dress shirt before heading to the closet. He finds some black dress shoes he figures Lir will like, and once he's all ready he stands and looks at himself in the full-length mirror that is propped against the wall.

Dante barely recognizes himself without the low-slung denim and some red leather, but he figures he still looks pretty good. As long as he looks better than Vergil, he'll be satisfied, chuckling to himself at the thought. But then he sobers a bit as his stomach turns, wondering what it will be like to see Vergil again. The last time was on Mallet Island, and before that, watching him fall off the Temen-ni-gru. Did that even happen in this place? There had to be a Temen-ni-gru if Lady was here, right? He shakes his head, confused as ever. He needs to figure this out, and fast.

Lir steps past him, again dressed in only a bra and panties, and Dante quickly looks the other way as she pulls her dress over her head. "Will you get this zipper?" she asks as she steps into a pair of heels.

Clearing his throat, he steps up behind her and carefully pulls the zipper up as she smooths her hands down the front. It's a sleeveless blue little number that fits her just right, and when she turns around to fix his collar he admires how nice she looks. "Okay," Lir smiles. "You ready to go? Dinner with the family is always interesting."

Dinner with the family. "Yeah, I'm ready," he grins. Maybe the mystery-solving can wait until after seeing them again at least. Couldn't hurt, right?

#dmc #devil may cry #dmc dante #dmc vergil #dmc oc #dante sparda #vergil sparda #fan fiction #the wish #myfic

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a-bit-of-owlish-fun · 5 years

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Quarantine Shopping and Meal Planning

So I asked about this over on @steve-rogers-new-york and there was a positive response, so here we go. Date: 15 March 2020

Before I start, let me be clear that I am not a professional, just someone who deals with stress by planning, and who has some experience with emergency preparedness having lived in New Zealand during the more recent large earthquakes. Feel free to correct me or make positive additions. For clarity, I am currently in Ontario Canada, and cooking for one person, but have made allowances to feed my unprepared housemate in a pinch.

Priorities with this Pandemic Planning

Unlike some other emergency preparedness priorities, power, water, and phone do not appear to be issues. So you have greater flexibility with what you can make and keep. Your priority should be having a comfortable amount of food on hand in case you cannot leave the house. Don’t go nuts, don’t overbuy, and don’t buy thoughtlessly.

Planning What to Get and Make

When thinking about what to buy and what to make, you want to consider a few things:

How many meals do you need to make? That is, how many people are you feeding and for how long? Calculate the number of meals you need in total and make sure you have enough meals planned to cover those. Obviously, if you can prepare for more than that is good, but don’t go too nuts.

How many portions can a recipe make? You don’t want to be making single-serve meals. It’s inefficient and short-sighted. So pick recipes that make large quantities, that can be portioned up in containers to be chilled or frozen.

Am I being efficient with my ingredients? Are the quantities listed in regularly used recipes the most practical for your current ingredient availability? For example, if you’re making a stew with beef, but beef is in short supply, half the amount the recipe asks for, and then bulk up on potatoes, carrots, zucchini, etc.

What ingredients will last best? Don’t JUST get non-perishables! That just sounds miserable. I’ve had no issue so far getting fruit and vegetables, and if you’re smart with your choices and storage fresh foods can be good choices. This when picking items how long they will hold in your fridge or if they’re freezable.

Don’t forget about breakfast and Lunch!

If money is tight and buying ahead is challenging. Think laterally. Make use of dollar stores like Dollarama, Dollar Tree, or whatever your local variant is. They will often have a great range of shelf-stable foods like pasta, rice, canned goods, and other ingredients at really low prices. And from my experience so far, they seem to have passed the attention of many shoppers and are still in good stock-levels. Start there first, hit multiple ones to get a good variety, then shop at supermarkets for whatever you cannot get there. The quality is good, sometimes brand-names, and they can be far superior than supermarket prices.

Do you have a large stockpot, fry pan, and deep baking dish to make these large meals? If not, see about getting them. Large lasagne pans and other kitchen items can be found cheap at many dollar stores.

Don’t have a car? Me neither. Grab a backpack and some good re-usable bags and make multiple trips for heavier items like cans. Also, consider grocery delivery services. They can be hit and miss right now, as it’s harder to adapt to products being unavailable. This being said, they can be a good way to get bulk, heavier items to your house. Also, consider asking friends or family to get you items when they go and drop them off to you.

What Foods Hold Well and Go Far

Non-Perishables that can extend meals

Pasta and Noodles — Pasta is a great item for entending a meal. Be it soups, stir-fry, oven-bake, or just able anything, you can either cook-in, mix-in, or have as a plain side. They bulk up a meal and make it go further.

Rice — Same as above.

Lentils and Other Legumes — Lentils are great for bulking up and extending soups and stews. Also consider chickpeas, beans, and other legumes.

Potatoes — Potatoes are great! The can be a great base, addition, or side to many many meals. While these will not last indefinitely, if you keep them cool and dark then they will last quite some time.

Non-Perishable Ingredients and Flavouring

Canned Vegetables — Don’t be picky. Yes, get fresh veggies where you can, but also suck it up and get some canned goods as a back-up. Carrots, peas, beans, tomatoes, all that. They’re good, they taste fine, and go well in so many recipes.

Canned Fruit — Many fruits have a shorter shelf-life, so consider some canned alternatives.

Herbs and Spices — Make sure you have a nice spread of these. It’s easy to grab the base ingredients for food, but if you don’t have something to flavour those meals with, you’ll have a miserable time.

Sauces — Same as above.

Canned Tomatoes and Tomato Paste — Yes, I’m listing this separately because of their versatility. With canned tomatoes, you can make soups, spaghetti, lasagne, chilli, curry...so damn much. So grab a good stock of these.

Perishables

Eggs — Eggs are so damn versatile. Get eggs. When kept in the fridge they keep for a good long time.

Vegetables — Think smart. Get items you know last well in your fridge, and avoid items you usually have to throw-out or use-up within a week or two.

Fruit — Same.

Breads — Same. Also, consider freezing loaves if you have the space to do so. It tastes just as good as fresh, honest.

Frozen

If you have the capacity to get things frozen or to freeze them. Do it. Frozen peas, corn, stir-fry veggies, meats...they last well and taste good.

My Grocery List

This is what I have been buying myself. Not all at once but in multiple trips over the last couple of weeks.

Pantry

Top-up herbs and spices: ground cumin, garam masala, oregano, basil.

Spaghetti pasta

Spiral pasta

Lasagne pasta sheets

Large bag of rice

Flour

Canned tomatoes (4 large cans)

Tomato paste

Canned asparagus

Canned coconut milk (2 cans)

Lentils

Potatoes (6 large)

Onions

Fridge

Eggs (12pc)

Milk

Cheese

Zucchinis (3)

Carrots (large bag)

Lemons (2)

Limes (2)

Bag of spinach

Bell pepper (1)

Crescent Rolls

Freezer

Peas

1kg minced beef

750g stewing beef

Box stuffed chicken breasts (I love ham and cheese and a good addition to any meal)

500g lamb (for curries)

500g stir-fry beef

Household

ONE pack of toilet paper. Seriously. Just get what you personally need.

A couple of small packs of cheap toilet paper from the dollar store.

Pack paper towels

Any cooking materials like tin-foil, parchment paper, that I use regularly.

3-pack tissues (I have killer allergies so I’ll always need them)

Plastic containers for portioning meals in the fridge or freezer.

Meals I have Planned

These aren’t full recipes, but rather a list of ingredients and volumes for grocery references. I might write-up full recipes later if people are interested.

Lasagne

This is my fav vegetarian lasagne that also have minced meat. It makes around 6-8 servings (depending on home much you eat and size of baking dish).

Lasagne sheets (dried) or just those baby lasagne pasta if you like them better. 4 cups Milk 250g Cheese Butter Flour Nutmeg Chicken stock 3 Large Carrots 3 Large Zucchini Large bag of fresh spinach leaves 400g Canned Tomatoes Fresh/Jarred Garlic 500g minced beef Light Herbs (oregano, basil, etc to taste, but not too much)

Vegetable Stew

Technically a soup, but I never blend it and just eat it as is. Makes 3-4 servings alone and 5-8 servings when served with cooked rice.

2 cups dried lentils (soaked overnight) 1 Large Can Tomatoes (not pre-herbed, just used plain) 2 cups Chicken or Vegetable Stock 2 Large Carrots cubed 2 Large Zucchinis (quartered then cubed) Fresh/Jarred Garlic 1 Tbsp Cumin 1 tsp Ground Coriander Fresh Coriander (lots) Fresh ground peppercorn

Beef Stew

500g Stewing Beef 3 Large Potatoes cubed 3 Large Carrots cubed 1-2 cups Frozen Peas Fresh/Jarred Garlic 2-3 Tbsp Flour Fresh ground peppercorn 1 Large Onion 3-4 cup Beef Stock 3 Tbsp Tomato Paste Rosemary 2 Tbsp Cornstarch

D.’s Curry

This is just and random mash-up curry I make. It can be cooked with or without lamb and both taste great. It is not spicy. Makes 2-3 servings

2 Large Onions (one minces with spaces, one sliced) Fresh/Jarred Garlic Fresh/Jarred Ginger Ground Cumin Ground Coriander Ground Cardamon Whole Cardamon Seeds Whole Cumin Seeds Garam Masala 300ml Uncooked Rice (then cook it, obviously)

Closing thoughts

Once you have these items, don’t use them. Carry on like normal and don't use these items unless you need them. Now I have my meals planned, I am back to making normal meals with what I can get. Always have that TWO WEEK buffer on hand at all times.

Purchase your groceries gradually. Don’t buy out in one go, be considerate. Take only what you need.

Visit multiple locations, sell-outs are not the same everywhere and while one supermarket may be sold out of something, another may still have a fresh stock.

More stocks WILL come. So if you cannot find something, make alternate plans, find a substitute, and return every now and then to check stocks. Supermarkets are constantly restocking as they can.

Be kind to customer service workers. They are just trying to get through this like you are. They are not paid well, have no control over their employers' stocks or decisions. They have the same stress you do and you being an asshole is just causing them MORE stress they do not deserve. Be. Kind. Be. Understanding.

Support others. Friends, family, neighbours, co-workers. We do this together.

DON’T STRESS OUT! Be prepared. Be aware. But don’t become overwhelmed, it will all be FINE. We just have to adapt and ride it out <3

I hope this was helpful. Have further suggestions or any corrections, please do let me know, I’m always happy to correct myself. If you have any questions feel free to comment and message me. And if you want those full recipes likewise let me know!

#COVID 19 #coronavirus #Meal Planning #Emergency Planning #Quarantine #Quarantine Plan #Quarantine Shopping

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wakeuphealthy · 6 years

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11 Women Who Hate To Cook Share Their Go-To Weeknight Meals

To discover the hack-packed, low-lift recipes that keep the cooking-averse satisfied, we asked millennial women who hate to cook to share their go-to weeknight meals. Ahead, you'll find our favorite responses. These meals could inspire even those who enjoy cooking because, let's face it, we all have nights when we don't have the energy to spend too much time in the kitchen.

Spinach, sausage, mushroom, white bean sauté

Occupation: Writer Age: 41 City: Portland

Why do you like this meal? It's easy to prep, has a quick cook time, and contains solid protein and veg.

What is the recipe for this meal? 1 pound bulk chicken sausage 1 can cannelini beans 1 cup fresh spinach, coarsely chopped 1 cup mushrooms, diced 1/2 cup onion, diced 2+ cloves of garlic, diced Crumble and brown chicken sausage in pan, along with onions and garlic. Add spinach and mushrooms and cook until al dente. Add beans and spices to taste. Simmer for 10 minutes before serving.

Where did this recipe come from? It's a quick recipe my ex (a chef) threw together.

Pimped-out Top Ramen

Occupation: Social media specialist in digital marketing Age: 29 City: Los Angeles, CA

Why do you like this meal? It's always good and you add whatever you have in your fridge.

What is the recipe for this meal? Top Ramen Packet (shrimp, chicken, or really any flavor), a teaspoon of butter, cheese (sliced preferably), salt, pepper, green onion, Sriracha, spam (if you have it), seaweed flakes or seaweed, and an egg.

Where did this recipe come from? My grandma would always add an egg to my top ramen when I was a kid, and all the other additions have been from whatever I had in the kitchen. Butter was a tip from Kylie Jenner. Cheese is my newest addition and it's sooooo good. It makes it creamy.

Rice, tofu, and veggies

Occupation: Graduate student Age: 22 City: Bethlehem, PA

Why do you like this meal? It's easy, quick, vegan, and healthy.

What is the recipe for this meal? Frozen steam bags of any vegetables (I usually use peas, corn, carrots, green beans, and mix them together in a bigger bowl) Frozen steam bag of brown rice (take as much as needed of rice and veggies for one meal and save the rest in the fridge) Firm tofu, sliced into small squares, seasoned with black pepper and nutritional yeast Mix a serving of rice, tofu, and veggies together in a bowl Flax and sesame seeds sprinkled on top

Where did this recipe come from? It's my own creation.

"Poor Man's Dirty Rice"

Occupation: Librarian Age: 23 City: Boise, ID

Why do you like this meal? It's super quick, simple, and really flexible.

What is the recipe for this meal? Cauliflower rice, ground meat, and salsa. I usually use two bags of rice and cook those in a pan. In a separate pan, I will cook some ground meat — usually turkey or beef, but it can be anything. Then, when both are cooked, I mix them in a pan and add a few tablespoons of salsa, a little salt and pepper, and maybe some garlic powder.

Where did this recipe come from? It's a family recipe.

Scrambled eggs and veggies with cheese

Occupation: Journalist Age: 22 City: Davenport, IA

Why do you like this meal? It's super cheap and reasonably healthy, especially since I go so heavy on the veggies. I'm trying to limit my meat intake and most of my attempts to meal prep vegetables have ranged from mediocre to sad, so I also appreciate that it's fast enough to make fresh each time.

What is the recipe for this meal? Two eggs, whatever chopped vegetables you wants (I like kale and tomatoes, a Brussels sprouts slaw I buy pre-cut, or even butternut squash), fresh (or not) herbs, and cheese. If the vegetables are hard, cook those first, otherwise scramble the eggs and add the vegetables at the same time. Add the herbs or any other greens and cheese toward the end. Lately, I've been using smoked cheddar with parsley or Brie and rosemary. I usually try to have an equal amount of vegetables and eggs, but the texture is definitely better with more egg than roughage. I'll add toast or an extra egg if I'm especially hungry.

Where did this recipe come from? It's really just scrambled eggs.

Cilantro-lime rice with chicken apple sausage

Occupation: Graduate student Age: 23 City: Orange County, CA

Why do you like this meal? Super easy and lasts for about three days.

What is the recipe for this meal? Cook cilantro lime rice packet from target, cook chicken apple sausage, then mix together!

Where did this recipe come from? I came up with it through sheer desperation of something easy and lots of time roaming around Target.

Soy chorizo burrito

Occupation: Graphic designer Age: 22 City: Washington, D.C.

Why do you like this meal? It's packed full of protein, is quick to make, can be eaten warm or cool, is easy to store for later or meal prep, and contains simple ingredients.

What is the recipe for this meal? Half a link of soy chorizo (from Trader Joe's), 1 egg, 1 flour tortilla, 1 cup of mashed avocado, olive oil, hot sauce for taste (I prefer the Mexican Valentina brand).

Where did this recipe come from? My boyfriend is Costa Rican, and he makes burritos that are to die for. Since I don't eat a lot of meat, this is an adaptation from what he makes.

Spaghetti with a green salad

Occupation: Temporary receptionist Age: 25 City: Vancouver, British Columbia

Why do you like this meal? It is relatively easy to make and there is enough pasta for at least two other meals.

What is the recipe for this meal? Boil water; start cooking extra lean ground beef until completely brown; add dry pasta to boiling water and cook for 8 minutes, occasionally stirring; add tomato sauce to the cooked ground beef. When the pasta is al dente, you can drain the water and put the pasta in a strainer. Prepare a green salad to go with the spaghetti dinner.

Where did this recipe come from? It is a family recipe but I am sure there are many online recipes for spaghetti.

Rice and chicken with sauce

Occupation: Teacher Age: 28 City: Dallas, TX

Why do you like this meal? It's incredibly easy to make, balanced, and fast. Almost every part can be store bought, so the only thing left to do is heat it up.

What is the recipe for this meal? There are several options for the rice. I'm Korean, so I like a sticky rice. There are companies who sell a microwaveable bowl of rice - that's the easiest way. You can also, of course, just make rice (easy, but time-consuming). Two cups of water per one cup of rice.

The chicken can either be mixed in with the rice or eaten separately. Take some diced chicken (whenever I buy chicken I dice it and separate it into different Ziploc bags, so they're easy to freeze and thaw as needed) and put them in a pan. Optional: before putting them in a frying pan, cover with flour. This will make them crispy. I put flour in a bowl and toss the chicken around in it. I'm sure you could add egg and whatnot, but this is the easiest way. Once that's done, I heat up some oil in a frying pan and then add in the chicken (if there's flour I try to use a little more oil so it can "fry").

Once the chicken is fully cooked, I add in store-bought General Tso sauce mixed with water, about a 1:1 ratio. Target carries several kinds of General Tso sauce, as does any other grocery store I've looked into. The Panda Express brand is one of my favorites. Once the sauce and water are in there, I swirl everything around to mix and let the sauce simmer. I wait until most of the water has evaporated and the sauce is thick. At this point, you can add in the rice. Add a little more sauce as desired and serve!

Where did this recipe come from? It mostly came from a love of Chinese takeout, rice, and easy dinners.

Mashed cauliflower and tofurkey Italian sausage

Occupation: International PR Age: 26 City: Brooklyn, NY

Why do you like this meal? It's super easy, quick, and relatively healthy.

What is the recipe for this meal? Mashed Cauliflower: 2 Tablespoons of butter 1 bag of frozen riced cauliflower or medium head of cauliflower 1 cup water 2-3 cloves of garlic 1/2 teaspoon salt Pepper to taste Directions: Add butter and finely chopped garlic gloves in a 4 quart pot over medium-high heat and add cauliflower once the butter is almost melted. Sauté cauliflower for 3-5 minutes until it becomes a little lighter in color. Add in the water and bring to a boil. Once boiling, cover the pot and cook about 10 minutes. Reserve 1/8 of a cup of the cooking liquid and drain the remainder. Purée the cauliflower with food processor or hand blender.

Veggie Italian Tofurkey Sausage: Heat one link with olive oil over medium heat for about 10 minutes.

Where did this recipe come from? I adapted the mashed cauliflower from a couple of recipes.

Instant noodles with all the (some) trimmings

Occupation: Journalist Age: 30 City: London, England

Why do you like this meal? It's balanced, tastes great, and ridiculously easy.

What is the recipe for this meal? Chop up some vegetables like peppers, broccoli, pak choi, Chinese leaf. Boil water on the stove, add vegetables and a protein like eggs, prawns, or chicken. Once the vegetables and protein are almost cooked, add a packet of quality, authentic instant noodles like Mama, Indomie or NongShim to the pot, with all their accompanying seasonings. Once everything has been cooked to your desired texture (I would recommend al dente noodles over soggy noodles), you're done. You can vary the proportions of noodles, vegetables, and protein according to your dietary needs.

Where did this recipe come from? I learned it from family

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/11-women-hate-cook-share-200500925.html

#recipes #easy meals #cooking #dinner #dinners #meal prep #easy recipes #family meals #health #healthy #nutrition #fitness #school #food #food prep #quick recipes #quick cooking

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mythicaliz · 5 years

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cheap eats tips

I got these asks last night but wanted to wait until i was on my laptop to answer them. so here are some ideas. they arent really recipes, just tips

tl/dr

Equipment

my number one way to save money is a chest freezer. obviously not everyone has the money to buy one or the space for one but you can find smaller ones on kijiji. alternatively, if you have a parent or friend who has a large freezer that you can easily access and is willing to give you some room in it that works too. we used to have a basket in my husband’s parents freezer before we got our own, and we give up some space in ours to a friend who lives near by. that being said, use whatever freezer space you have to stock up on things (more on this below)

a crockpot is also a great tool to have and you can find them cheap at thrift stores. It means spending 5 minutes in the morning and coming home to dinner already made. it can be used for so many things. there are no shortage of quick, cheap crockpot recipes on the internet but ill include some ideas below

Meat

- i pretty much only buy meat on clearance or sale. clearance meat is just a day or 2 before the sell by date so they have to get rid of it fast. it’s still fine quality. i just freeze it immediately (if you aren’t going to use the whole pack in one meal portion it out into freezer bags). This is why having a big freezer is handy. Once a pack of 3 chicken legs was on clearance for $2. we bought 24 of them and used them on the bbq, baked, in soups and stews, pulled the meat off for casseroles etc. we had like 6 months of chicken for under $50

-save your bones and scraps. have a bag on the go for beef scraps and one for chicken scraps in the freezer (do the same with vegetable peelings, ends, onion skins, etc.) throw a bag of veggie scraps and meat scraps/bones in your crockpot. cover with water and add whatever spices you like, peppercorns, bayleaf whatever. add a good amount of salt and a splash of vinegar. both of these help break down the bones and pull all the minerals from them. cook in the crockpot for 12-24 hours (you may need to add more water). strain it and you now have amazing bone broth which is incredibly good for you and a base for any soup. if you have the space you can freeze in ice cube trays and then put in a ziplock to have convenient broth chunks to throw in pretty much anything. but you can also just freeze it in tupperware, or zliplock bags or whatever.

-if you eat bacon save your grease. keep a mason jar in the fridge and drain any grease off into the jar. then you can sautee veggies and stuff in it and it’s already so delicious

-cut up meat and put it in soups, stews, casseroles etc rather than making it the centre of the dish. if you have 2 people you’re likely to cook 2 full chicken breasts if that’s the main part of your meal, but you could probably get away with one if you are making a dish where the chicken is cut up with lots of veggies and maybe some beans on top of pasta. get it?

-not meat but eggs are always good to have on hand. inexpensive and so much you can do with them. (in an oven proof skillet: sautee up some veggies, whisk up some eggs and throw them in. top with a bit of cheese if you like. throw it in the oven until eggs are set. you have a fritatta you can eat for dinner or cut into wedges and eat hot or cold for breakfast or lunch)

Produce

-lettuce is a scam. don’t buy it. it’s expensive, has almost no nutrition and is pretty shitty for the environment. Spinach or cabbage is a better choice because you can make salads with it but if it starts to get past it’s prime you can cook it or freeze it and throw it in a soup or stirfry later

-root vegetables last a long time and are great. plus they add heartiness to any meal

-use your most perishable produce first, then move onto the heartier stuff. frozen is also great, and sometimes is more nutritious than fresh thats out of season

-apples. they last forever and if they get sad you can make apple sauce (in your crockpot! cup em up, skin on and all, add a little cinnamon and some water and cook until mush. then blend it up) or baked apples (cut em in half and scoop out the core a little. add a bit of butter and brown sugar in the hole. if you have walnuts or pecans you can throw some in there too. bake until soft)

Legumes etc

-legumes, beans, pulses are all amazing sources of protein and inexpensive. you can save even more money buy buying dried ones and rehydrating them in your crockpot. (rinse beans and put in crockpot with 2 inches of water above beans. they should take about 6 hours on high to be tender)

-lentils are also great and have a really nice flavour. you can also use them to thicken soups, one of my favourite dishes is called Mujadara. it’s lebanese (like me!) you slowly cook a cut up onion in olive oil until it’s all caramalized and delicious. set it aside and cook equal parts rice and brown lentils. you can use water or broth for more flavour. cook until tender, top with your friend onions and it’s like heaven. i’ll cut up a tomato and cucumber and make a little salad on the side with it.

shopping

-stock up on things when you can. say canned tomatoes are on sale. maybe you can’t afford to buy 10 of them, but even if you buy one or two extra cans then you’ve paid less and have them on hand when you need them. also, i realize room can be an issue. don’t feel like all your food has to stay in your kitchen. in college i had a bin under my bed with canned goods and pasta etc. as long as it’s nonperishable keep it wherever you can.

-buy the largest size you can afford. for most things, it pays to buy in bulk. maybe you have a friend you can go halfsies on bigger items with. an example is rice. gigantic bags that could feed you for a year go on sale for $10. if you can, buy it.

-a lot of people live in food deserts. what that means is you live somewhere that it’s nearly impossible to walk to a grocery store so you end up shopping at convenience stores, gas stations and eating fast food. I suggest a well planned monthly shopping trip to a store that has good deals. Yeah you’ll pay for an uber, but you’ll save more than in the long run and have much healthier food.

-don’t force yourself to eat things you dont like. so many people try to choke down kale. or rather they buy it and let it rot in their fridge. personally, i like kale, (im sure it helps that i fry up onions in bacon grease and then wilt kale in that :P) but just because it’s some super food doesn't mean you have to eat it or feel bad for not eating it.

anyway that’s some advice!

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tentwars2k21 · 5 years

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“The Proper Way to Cook a Lamb”

Hawaii on an island AU || Hawaii POV Only

A/N: this is a oneshot.

TW: abuse, alcoholism, racism, and death

Rating: NR

Word Count: 1,920

I remember living in a barred room as a child. The long silences and freezing drafts when it rained. I had only one blanket, an occasional meal, and the liberty to go to the bathroom twice a day. When I finally broke out of the cupboard, later revealed to be a large dog’s cage, I was ten years old, homeless, and could barely speak.

An old lady, who insisted that I call her Nana, took me in. She always spoke of my bright white hair and how I reminded her of rocks on a beach.

Nana taught me how to speak Diné, Hebrew, and English, but she insisted that we speak only English in public. “It’s what everybody else speaks,” is what she’d say, and I believed her all the way up until I was beat up for being “black.” Even when I felt the most free, I was trapped.

I didn’t even know what “black” meant, and when I asked Nana about it, she broke down crying. I googled it many years later, but I still don’t get why it’s a reason for my eventual execution.

Not too long after that, Nana enlisted me into a surfing class, “for the betterment of” my mind. It was the first time I fell in love.

It was also the first time people other than Nana called me by my name, Hawaii. I remember almost fainting from shock!

The waves and the freedom of the sea guided me to and from home, work, and play. I didn’t have to wear shoes and I could wear as little clothing as I wanted (so long as there was a bra and underwear on me.) I dreamed about surfing and I lived for surfing.

Then Nana took me hiking, and it was the second time I fell in love. I was surrounded by greens and browns, and even though I was alone I felt warm unlike in my cage. I didn’t wear shoes there, either, for shoes felt restricting against my feet.

I remember when Nana would come home from work, two hours after my surfing lessons, and bring me home a gift from the marketplace. She would bring me anklets and instruments, even if I wasn’t any good at playing them. When I was sick, she would bring me wooden figurines that the Hatałii made for me. On my first Tu B’Av, Nana brought me a box of chocolates. I ate them all so fast that I felt nauseous. Nana wasn’t angry with me, though; she was only patient.

It was the third time I fell in love.

Two weeks ago, just a few days after my sixth Tu B’Shevat, Nana fell ill, and not even the Hatałii could save her.

We cremated her and poured her ashes on the same trail that she took me on my first hike. It rained the day we went, a sign from the Lord of His sadness. I was alone, and that allowed me to cry a little harder.

“Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will.

May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.

Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.” I muttered to myself as I knelt down over the ashes that were slowly washing away, leaving some bones that didn’t burn in the mud.

I stayed in the jungle for 3 days before returning home to cover all the mirrors and sit for 4 more. I didn’t need to sit and mourn for as long as I did, even if it is tradition, but it helped loosen me up.

Then I picked up my surfboard and went to hit the waves even though I no longer had lessons. I’m only seventeen.

I was hired into Nana’s old position, yesterday. The man who hired me looked down towards me in pity. He says I don’t have to wear shoes. I thank him.

He told me that he’d keep my roof over my head and food on my plate if I cleaned his shop every night. I asked him about my surfing lessons. He says that I have cook him dinner and he’ll pay for them. I accept.

Nana’s old boss is very weird. He keeps asking me when I’ll turn 18. I tell him that I don’t know. He gets mad.

He has a daughter my age, he tells me, but she lives all the way in Mississippi.

“Where’s Mississippi?” I ask, taking off my apron and handing him some chicken noodle soup for his cold.

“In America.” He slobbers.

I don’t know where it is, but I’m too afraid to ask him about it. “Oh,” is all I say.

When I can, I go hiking. One day, I stumble across an old statue. It stares at me. I stare back.

I don’t ever touch it, but I do hike up to it as often as possible so that I may stare at it. I’ve memorised it’s face.

“May I get a sketchbook and some pencils?” I gather the courage to ask my boss while he’s eating dinner, getting drunk, and watching ‘football.’

“Whatever.” He burps, and I let out the breath I was holding. That night, I go to Walmart and buy a sketchbook and some pencils. Even with permission, a fear inside of me tells me to never thank him for it.

I go to the statue two hours before my surfing lessons, and I begin to put how it looks down onto paper. I do this for an hour, then I head back to civilization so that I can go to my surfing lessons.

“Where have you been all day?” My boss smells of onion and liquor as I come down from the ladder I had been using to dust off the tops of the shelves.

“I went hiking and then I went to lessons.” I tell him kindly. It seems to be the wrong answer, as he knocks over the ladder; I jump at the sound of it.

“We’re going to Mississippi tomorrow, come cook me dinner after you pack your shit.” He says sharply before leaving. I hurry up and head home to gather my things.

“You’ll be sleeping on the floor tonight.” Is all he says to me after he finishes his dinner. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I’ve never been on a plane before, and I’m pretty sure the lady sitting next to me knew that. She smiled kindly at me and squeezed my hand through the lifting of the aeroplane and the aggressive tidal waves of air in endured. She reminded me of Nana, and when I drifted off to sleep, I dreamt of Nana squeezing my hand as I surfed through the waves.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

This place, Mississippi, is almost as warm and humid as the beach at home, but the places here look oh so different! My boss forces my into a yellow car, a taxi, and takes me to his daughter’s house.

The roads are made from a hard, black dirt that has white and yellow stripes and dashes on it. Other cars pass and follow us, and there is a river not too far away that, my boss says, is also called Mississippi.

We sit for hours and less and less cars pass us and fewer and fewer houses are seen from my window. Everything stretches thin until we pull onto a dirt road that has a big, white house at the end of it. A pregnant lady in a baby yellow sundress waddles out of the house as we pull up; a man comes around to the front from a shed to the side to greet us. When I get out of the taxi, the man looks at me like my Nana looked at wasted Papaya, but with more hatred.

Everyone shook hands, the lady hugging both me and my boss. She smiled and her eyes sparkled. The man looked like he was going to light me on fire with the steam in his brain.

“I’m so glad you could come, dad,” the lady smiles to my boss as she pulls away from their hug. “And just in time for easter?”

“In time for what?” I blurt out. The lady turns to me.

“Easter?” The lady moves a little towards me. “The celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ?”

“Who’s that?” I blink twice, and the lady just shakes her head and moves away.

“Is she-” the man starts, looking at me in disgust.

“Jewish? Yes.” My boss says. The man spits towards me.

I spend the day cleaning my boss’s daughter’s house and cooking the trio dinner, as it was around 4 in the afternoon when we arrived. Around 10, when all the chores were done. I bid everyone goodnight and the lady took me to the shed so I could sleep.

“We don’t want you smelling up the sheets.” She said before leaving me with the sheep.

I slept peacefully.

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I awoke to three men dressed in white barging into the shed. The sheep fled and left me alone. The men grabbed me and tied me like Nana used to tie rabbits on sticks.

“I can’t believe that you got us a black Jew, John.” One of the bedsheeted figures said.

“And just in time for easter!” Another said as they threw me beneath some hay in a truck. “It’s a miracle.”

“Only the best for my Klan.” the man who I assumed was John said; he sounded quite an awful lot like my boss’s daughter’s husband. The truck began to move.

I don’t know how long it moved for, but it seemed to be forever.

Then, just as it had started, it stopped.

The smell of smoke burned my nostrils as the three men dragged me out.

“Tonight, we have lambchops boys!” John yells, throwing me into a circle of white sheet men. A cross burned as gasoline was poured onto me.

“No, please,” I put my hands in front of me as the mob moved closer to me and screamed. I begged them not to do this, I called to the Lord to save me from this death. The men threw stones at me before a red sheet man walked forward with a book.

“Silence, lamb.” He commanded, and I whimpered as he drew out a pitchfork. “Nobody can hear you.”

And, at that moment, the cross fell next to me and I was engulfed in flames. The men just laughed and danced, a few warming their hands over my screaming body. I yelled and yelled even after my voice was taken from smoke inhalation. It hurt so much, and I questioned my belief in the Lord. If he truly loved me, why must I be in so much pain.

Then, as if he had answered my inflamed prayers, I fell asleep.

#hawaii #submission #tw alcohol #tw abuse #tw racism #tw death

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the-coconut-asado · 5 years

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Oh Stumptown my Stumptown!

Portland likes to keep it weird. Officially. You could even buy the tee shirt if tee shirts weren’t so predictable.

From a poster invitation to “Hear my TED Talk about DIY and Impending Doom” to the Big Legrowlski (sic) night club that hangs carpets on the walls - not to balance the sound for the band but because they really bring the room together - the City has an off-beat vibe that feels authentic even while it gets you scratching your head. And where else would you queue round the block for a voodoo-doll shaped doughnut with a pretzel stick through its ‘heart’?

You probably won’t be surprised when I tell you that Portland is the Hipster Capital of the World. You know it’s hipster because it sells more coffee and has more microbreweries per head than anywhere else in the US.

We came for the food because People That Know told us to. It’s not simply that everything is delicious but that chefs, cooks, carts and food enthusiasts are trying to do different. It’s like Masterchef has landed in Twin Peaks. Entrepreneurs are making ice cream out of chickpeas and it works. A pastry chef has re-interpreted her favourite childhood book on a plate and you rejoice in the complex flavours of her tiny reconstructed bunny. So who’s the bunny boiler now?

One thing that puzzled me is why the City changed its name from the original Stumptown (pretty weird) to Portland (the Holiday Inn of city names). Devon, a local lawyer who we chatted to most mornings in Baristas Cafe, explained that Portland was never officially called Stumptown. It became its nickname due to all the trees they had to cut down to build it, leaving the eponymous stumps in their wake. Stumptown is also the name of their iconic coffee brand, which I always assumed was NYC’s greatest invention. This is one of the many ways in which travel expands your mind.

Devon embodied something else about Portland: its friendliness. Even the passport officers are anxious that you have a good time. Full disclosure, it wasn’t just Devon that we sought out each morning - it was Pepper, his cute little dog. I would eat Barista’s fresh, flaky rhubarb hand pie just to drop crumbs that Pepper would breakfast on.

Devon put us onto a couple of great places to eat - one we made it to, one we didn’t. But more of that later.

Where to begin to describe this steel guitar food odyssey? Let me take you through our many highlights from the mountain of food we consumed. Set it to the soundtrack of Chris Isaak’s Wicked Thing.

Our first evening, tired and hungry, we stuck to our guns and found Andina, the City’s Peruvian eatery. When you are both tired and hungry it’s easy to get seduced by posters boasting ‘Meatball Monday’ and forget your mission, but our persistence paid off. That legendary Portlandia hospitality squeezed us into a nook where there really wasn’t a free table, and we dined greedily on humitas, ceviche, lamb shank and seafood, washed down with Oregon’s finest home-grown Pinot Gris. I didn’t quibble that they brought something different from my order. In my fractured Spanish ‘Arroz con Pato’ probably did sound like ‘Seafood Risotto’ - and the risotto was obviously going to be delicious before fork met lip, so I didn’t send it back.

Next day, which coincidentally was Taco Tuesday, we hit the street food.

Portland is big on street food (see: hipster capital of the world). Most food vendors have carts - permanent fixtures where the chef builds enough of a following over months or years to be able to open a small restaurant. Nong’s Khao Man Gai was just one of these. They do one dish - a Vietnamese poached chicken with a secret chilli sauce, accompanied by rice cooked in the chicken broth. You can also have a version with shrimp, pork or Tofu. We bought a bottle of the sauce to bring home. Life’s too short.

It’s not all carts - there are a fair few trucks too.

One which specialised in cheese toasties challenged “ Come and relive the taste of your childhood. But if your childhood sucked, we’ll share the memory of ours”. Have you eaten a cheese toastie recently? I mean really felt the embrace of a sandwich of molten cheese and fried bread? Maybe your childhood did suck after all.

That evening it was the turn of The Hairy Lobster restaurant, and that bunny dessert I mentioned earlier. Little Bunny Foo Foo to give it it’s full name. A delicate carrot cake, covered in cheesecake mousse, accompanied by a ginger crumb, caramel sauce and a marshmallow rabbit.

Despite it’s show-stopping appearance and fusion of flavours, it was their roast squash with curry sauce and pumpkin seed praline that was the stand-out dish for me. The Lobster picnic for our main was pretty damn good too.

Friday brings me to Devon’s first recommendation, Pok Pok, a teeny Thai eatery in the suburbs. Getting there had the added advantage of passing through a neighbourhood full of rambling old houses in the Amityville Horror style. I recalled the first time I had heard of Portland was from a TV thriller full of witches and jabberwocks called Grimm. They had definitely filmed it’s eerily beautiful moments around here.

If I had to single out a food highlight in a week of next-to-no food lows, I would choose Pok Pok. It gave me my first food coma in a long while. Something about it’s smoked aubergine, pork belly curry, marinated chicken with two dips, sublime mango with sticky rice and that rhubarb blush cocktail… I sense I am sharing my food coma with you now. Their signature dish is hot spicy chicken wings. The couple on the table next to us were too full to finish theirs so offered them to us. Maybe it was the wings that tipped me over the edge. I’ll never know.

And so to our last day, and the big daddy of Portland nights out: Jake’s Crawfish. Over 100 years old, walking into Jake’s is like walking into one of Sinatra’s memories. It has a justifiably stellar reputation, and seems to have maintained it for a century. I ate Steel-head trout for the first time, fished on their doorstep from Oregon’s Columbia River, coated with a horseradish crust, and preceded by half a dozen of the plumpest oysters I have ever eaten.

I haven’t yet mentioned Portland’s biggest hipster foodie habit: brunch. No matter what day of the week, the restaurants that brunch are always full. For most of our trip, we were waking up too early to really do brunch justice. Those rhubarb hand pies at Baristas had satisfied our hunger by around 8AM so a mid-morning banquet wasn’t really on. One day, however, we made it to Tasty & Alder in the Pearl DIstrict of the city and managed to sneak in a table for two before the queues built up. Worth it for their Green Frittata with salsa verde (who ever thought of doing that before?) and lightest, fluffiest American biscuits. We never made it to Devon’s second recommendation: Burmasphere, his friend’s Burmese cart on the other side of the river. And now we have an excuse to return.

When it came to rustling up some recipes that take me straight back to Portland weird, I whittled my list down to three: my version of Tasty & Alders’ green frittata with feta and salsa verde; a less labour-intensive version of Andina’s Arroz con Pato, made with chicken or guinea fowl; and in the spirit of weird, though by no means original, a cake inspired by Churros con Chocolate. The best possible end to a Taco Tuesday.

I messaged a friend of mine that had moved to Portland a few years back and asked why she had ever left. “ Too much rain and not enough art.” she said.

You missed the point Sweetie. Great Food IS great art. And if you can’t stand the rain, get into the kitchen.

Green Frittata with Feta and Salsa Verde

A great little brunchy-lunch dish packed with flavour for the carb-conscious. If you want to add some carbs, slices of toasted sourdough will go down a treat. Serves 4

Ingredients

8 large free-range eggs

1tblspn, double cream

100g asparagus spears, chopped into 2 cm chunks

100g shelled garden peas or petit pois

50g feta cheese

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the salsa verde:

Small pack of flat-leaf parsley (around 15-20g)

½ a small pack of mint leaves

3 tbsp. Capers

7 anchovy fillets

1 clove garlic

1 tbsp dijon mustard

8 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

How to make:

Bring a small saucepan of salted water to the boil, then add the peas. After a couple of minutes, add the chopped asparagus and continue simmering for another 2 minutes. Drain and refresh under cold water. Put to one side.

Next, make the salsa verde. Put all the ingredients except the olive oil into a blender, season generously with pepper and go easier on the salt (anchovies and capers are already pretty salty). Then, add the olive oil and blend again. Don’t over blend at each step - it's nice to keep the texture a little rough.

Put a skillet on the stove and melt a knob of butter. Beat the eggs, add the cream and season. Lightly saute the green vegetables in the butter for a minute or two.

then pour the eggs over and crumble the feta cheese over the top. Cook for a couple of minutes until the bottom is starting to brown.

pop under the grill to continue cooking, until the top is a light golden colour and the frittata has firmed up with a slight wobble (keep a close eye on this, probably takes 2-3 minutes).

Cut the frittata into 4 wedges and serve with a dollop of salsa verde on top.

Arroz con Gallina Picante

I never did get to eat Arroz con Pato in Andina, but while I adore the rich flavour of duck, devoting two or three days to confitting it before finishing the dish is only for the dedicated dinner party cook. This version with a spicy chicken and a feta-enriched herb sauce (based on a Melissa Clark recipe) goes down just as well - or the richer Guinea Fowl, which I have used here. And Peruvian aji amarillo is now more available by mail order - substitute ordinary chile powder if not. Serves 4.

Ingredients:

1 medium-sized chicken or guinea fowl, jointed into 2 breasts, 2 drumsticks and 2 thighs (discard the back or freeze to make stock at a later date)

For the marinade:

6 garlic cloves, crushed

3 tbsp light soy sauce

1 tbsp paste made with aji amarillo powder and olive oil

Juice of 1 lime

1 tsp sriracha sauce

1 tsp. Dijon mustard

2 tsp ground cumin

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the sauce:

½ a large bunch coriander leaves, broken up

2 jalapeno chilies, chopped

75g feta cheese, crumbled

1 garlic clove, crushed

Juice of 1-2 limes

2 tsp chopped fresh oregano

½ tsp dijon mustard

½ tbsp aji amarillo paste (see marinade earlier for method)

1 tsp honey

1 tsp ground cumin

½ cup extra virgin olive oil.

For the Peruvian Rice:

3 tbsp sunflower oil

2 cloves garlic, crushed

1 onion, finely chopped

3 heaped tsp aji amarillo paste (see marinade earlier for method)

½ large bunch fresh coriander, broken up and blended till smooth with a tblspn water

500g fresh chicken stock

300g bottle of beer or lager

2 x small green chillies, chopped finely

500g basmati rice

1 red pepper, chopped into small chunks

100g fresh garden peas or petit pois

How to make

First, make the marinade. Mix all the marinade ingredients in a large bowl, cover the fowl of your choice in it, cover with cling film and pop in the fridge for at least 4 hours or overnight.

For the sauce: put all the ingredients into a blender, and blend till smooth. Pour into a bowl, cover and refrigerate, taking out about 15 minutes ahead of eating to bring to room temperature.

For the rice. Heat 2 tbsp oil in a saucepan, add the onion and garlic and saute until starting to turn golden. Add the blended coriander and chili paste and cook for a couple of minutes until the paste has thickened slightly and smells delicious.

Pour the beer into the saucepan, cook for a few minutes then add the chicken stock. Bring to the boil, season, then take off the heat, cover and put to one side.

Heat the oven to 200C. Pat the chicken or guinea fowl pieces dry, then pop onto a shallow baking tray, season and drizzle with olive oil. Put the tray into the oven and roast for 35-40 minutes.

While the meat roasts, finish the rice. Heat 2 tbsp oil in a medium sized saucepan, add the peppers and cook for a couple of minutes. Then add the rice and stir into the oil and peppers until it starts to crackle a little at the bottom. Add the peas and chilies and stir again, then add the stock, beer and onion garlic mix. Stir, season if needed, then cover and simmer on a low heat for 25 mins.

Fluff up the rice and spoon onto plates. Top with the chicken or guinea fowl pieces, and crown with a dollop of sauce.

Churros Bundt Cake with Dipping Chocolate Sauce

I love churros, and I love a Bundt cake. If you want all the flavours but none of the faffing or frying, then give this a try. The cake will keep, covered in a tin. Just remember to reheat the chocolate sauce for dipping or pouring each time. Serves 8-10

Ingredients:

For the cake:

2 ¾ cups plain flour

2 tsp. Baking powder

2 tsp ground cinnamon

½ tsp. Salt

170g unsalted butter

130g caster sugar

50g soft brown sugar

4 large eggs

1 egg yolk

1 375g punnet of sour cream

2 tsp. Vanilla extract

For the cinnamon sugar ‘glaze’

2 tsp ground cinnamon

4 tsp caster sugar

For the chocolate sauce:

½ cup cocoa powder

Pinch chilli flakes

100g dark chocolate (70%)

1 cup double cream

½ cup dark brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

½ tsp cinnamon

How to make

Preheat the oven to 160C. Grease and flour a large bundt cake pan (make sure to get into all the nooks and crannies).

Beat the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl (ideally using an electric stand mixer) until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one by one and continue to mix between each addition, finishing with the egg yolk. Add the sour cream and vanilla extract and beat again until just incorporated. Mix all the dry ingredients, add them to the butter and egg mix and fold in until smooth.

Pour the cake batter into the bundt tin and bake for around 50-55 minutes until a skewer inserted near the middle comes out clean (I usually check the cake after 45 mins). Invert the cake onto a rack to cool.

Mix the remaining sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Melt the butter and paint all over the surface of the cake. Dust the cinnamon sugar over the buttered cake, making sure you pat it in places to stick.

To make the chocolate sauce. Pop all the ingredients into a saucepan, then cook, stirring constantly, on a low heat until the chocolate has melted, everything is smooth and custardy. Let it bubble slightly then turn off the heat.

Serve slices of the churros cake with warm chocolate sauce poured over. There are some who prefer their chocolate sauce served cold. That’s fine too.

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ja9doeswhole30 · 6 years

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Whole30, Day 2

Today started off with a bit of a bummer/fail. I had every intention of cooking a brisket in the slow cooker - two, actually, if were being technical, because I’m used to making enough brisket for 15 people. Unfortunately, between being sick on Monday and dealing with my daughter being sick yesterday I neglected to check the freshness status of these briskets and somewhere between purchasing them on Friday and this morning they spoiled.

This exacerbated a latent sense of meal-planning panic I can’t seem to shake this week. My daughter was home from school again but we made it out to the store, buying another brisket along with some other groceries. Once we got back, I decided to scratch out the food I had on hand in its various stages.

Because I’m still getting over what I suspect was norovirus, I’ve been trying to use up some pre-cooked items in the fridge. One error from earlier this week is that I made too much balsamic chicken and have therefore been eating it basically every meal. Going forward I’ll aim to cook main dishes in bulk, with the intent of having 2-3 meals’ worth available and freezing the rest for a week or two down the line. I should probably also start a column of “food in the freezer to be defrosted so I don’t need to cook so much!” This list should also be updated to reflect that I already cooked the brisket, as well as some spinach egg muffins (a.k.a. mini-frittatas).

Anyway, despite these issues today went pretty well. I was awake early (too early, really) and did a light workout, after which I ate some spaghetti squash and chicken. For breakfast I finished my veggie frittata and had some roasted potatoes plus some cantaloupe. For lunch I had more spahetti squash and chicken, plus some zucchini leftover from the other day and some black olives. Mid-afternoon I had a snack of apple and almond butter, but I was still peckish while making dinner and thus sampled some of the new brisket, which had just come out of the slow cooker. (I really thought I took a picture of the thing, which is a beauty even if it’s normal sized and not enough to feed a house full of holiday guests.) Dinner was more balsamic chicken with spaghetti squash, sautéed (frozen) spinach, and roasted zucchini sticks, with some more cantaloupe for “dessert”. I realize now that I didn’t proactively add a good fat to dinner but there was plenty of olive oil used in the making/reheating of the meal.

Tomorrow my general meal plan is:

Post workout - 2 mini frittatas + potatoes

Breakfast - balsamic chicken + butternut squash soup + zucchini + fruit TBD + fat TBD

Lunch - balsamic chicken + spaghetti squash + spinach + fat TBD

Dinner - TMBs + spaghetti squash + asparagus + Brussels sprouts + fat TBD

I’ll also likely be at work in the afternoon so I’ll need to pack a compliant snack of some kind (probably cashews and an apple). Also, tomorrow I plan to drink coffee for the first time since Sunday, so that’s something to look forward to. My usual MO is to nurse it over the course of a few hours while going about my morning, but in keeping with the structure of the program I’d guess that breakfast is the. Eat time to have it.

#whole30 #nutrition #foodblr #healthy eating #fitblr #whole30: day 2

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thewallofmilessimpson · 3 years

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Seems like Miles lives in fantasy land, everyone is a POS, except for Miles of course

Miles Simpson <[email protected]>To:Kevin StrattonSun, Mar 25, 2018 at 5:58 PMHello Kevin, I had my back surgery thursday and I’m better. I was able to stand up friday with a lot of difficulty so they let me come home. I’m still sore but I’m much better and home. I’m going to Covington next week and buy a new mattress. I have a Tempur-pedic memory foam top dollar one but I’m tired of it. It’s hard for me to turn over. It doesn’t give like a regular mattress. The hospital bed I was in was a killer. A hospital staff woman ask me before I left how was the nursing staff and I told her excellent but you couldn’t give me that bed for free. My weak ass I can’t roll over to my right and barely to my left. The best example I can give is it feels to me like I’m laying in a ditch or apiece of 2’ diameter pipe so if I try to roll right or left I’m trying to roll up the side of a concave angle. Sheila fell and fractured her femur bone and is walking with a walker and using my manual wheelchair. She’s still taking care of pos Rita’s kids. Rita has total control over Sheila even monitor’s her phone calls. It’s freaking crazy weird and sad. Tom Benson died. I hope his wife doesn’t move the Saints. She seams to be a money loving woman and may do it for more money. More money more money more money! Later brother man I’m going to chill horizonal for a while. Miles On Mar 17, 2018, at 10:03 AM, Kevin Stratton <[email protected]> wrote: > I saw this in a magazine and thought of you. > > All the Best! > > Contrary to ordinary there is nothing like a dream to create the future! > > Kevin Stratton > Roatan Island Real Estate - Owner/Broker > [email protected] > Office: 011-504-2445-4168 > Cell: 011-504-9922-5638 > www.roatanislandrealestate.com > www.guanajasales.com > * Member of NAR > * Member Roatan Real Estate Association > and Canabirh Association of Honduras > * Owner of Roatan Island Home Inspections > for Construction and Home Inspections > * Fiberglass Swimming Pools<Ask Miles.jpg>

Miles Simpson <[email protected]>To:Kevin StrattonThu, Mar 29, 2018 at 10:23 AMHey Kevin, I really don’t know what they used but I don’t think it was a laser. Surgeon’s can do amazing things with the human body. They will heal you or kill you one. I still talk like a frog from the thing they stick down your throat when they knock you out but my back is still doing good so I’m happy. The rain has arrived. Probably rain most of the day. I like to smoke and fuck on rainy days. Will only do one today but as soon as I win the power ball the pussy will come. I have two gators in the pond now. A 6 or 7 footer and a 3 footer. Both won’t come close enough for me to shoot them. A friend is bringing over some gumbo. Talk to ya later Amigo. Miles On Mar 26, 2018, at 11:29 AM, Kevin Stratton <[email protected]> wrote: > Good morning Miles > > Glad to hear your back surgery went good. What did they do? Not the laser one I was asking about. > Wow not being able to turn over to get out of bed is going to be a problem sooner than later. Do you think > you can work on getting that strength back so you can do it by yourself? Or there is a powered machine > that can pick you up and swing you over kind of like the ones you see to get you into a pool. You know > you don't want to go into a nursing home. A home nurse coming by twice a day to help you out during > the times she stops by. No coffee in a nursing home would drive you crazy. It would to me too. I hope a > new harder mattress would help you get out of bed by yourself. So you can push off easier. > Wow Shelia can really fuckup when she try's. And that daughter of her's running her is so crazy that > I almost feel sorry for her but not much at all. > I heard that Benson died but that was to be expected. I'll bet his wife sells the team and the new owner > might move the team to who ever pays the most. Maybe someone like Jazy and his wife Beyonce and > P'didy or Drew Breese. Or the Mannings? Still working on my roof and trying to sell properties to keep the > work going. Sorry but got to run. I hope you keep getting better! > > > All the very best my friend! > > k

Miles SimpsonHey Kevin, I haven’t written in a while because it’s the same olds shit around here. No news to tell. The gumbo I mention a friend brought was chicken and sausage. He had a big pot and rice he even brought a new pack of Glad 1 Qt plastic containers and put up 7 Qt’s in my freezer while I was eating a Qt. His name is Kevin also. He’s really a buddy to my nephew but a friend to me too. I only see him when he comes fishing. You said you might build a motorcycle garage. Grandpaw built one for his HondaMon, Apr 9, 2018 at 3:27 PM

Miles Simpson <[email protected]>To:Kevin StrattonWed, Apr 11, 2018 at 1:15 PMHi Kevin, Yup that’s what they did to me. I had a bulging disc putting pressure on my nerve. When I was getting the steroid shots in my back the doctor’s assistant looked at my mri last year and said I didn’t need surgery. The surgeon said after the surgery my disc was worse than what showed up on the mri. I’m soooooooo glad I had the surgery at least so far. Sue’s brother Wayne came over last week and we smoked 40 lbs of chicken quarters. We did 20 lbs then took them off and put on another 20. The last batch only took 2 hours since the smoker was already up to temp. We then vacuum sealed them and he took 10 lbs and Karen my house cleaner took 10 and I kept 20 lbs. The dam quarters come off giant chickens! Ten lb bag has 9 quarters! The last ones I smoked were the same way. I gave Sheila $4,000 monday the 9th. The 8th was one year since Mom died. Three years ago I bought Sheila a $3,000 lawn mower. Two years ago I gave her $3,000 for a down payment for a car she’s about to lose now for being 2 months late on her note. Now $4,000 cash. Enough is enough! That’s $10K in three years. She feels and looks like the walking dead. She has no help to help her keep the place up. Rita has NEVER mowed the yard or even tried to. I wish I had the strength to beat her up but I don't! Pelican’s play their last game tonight against the Spurs. It’s a big game towards the rankings for the playoffs. Later, Miles On Apr 9, 2018, at 4:45 PM, Kevin Stratton <[email protected]> wrote: > Wow that was a surgery to watch. Was that exactly what they did to you? Did you have a chipped broken piece of bone off a vertebrata like in the video? > Sorry I can not be there to help you get around and make it easier on you just living in the house. I am working on being able to come if you ever really need me to. > As I sure wish I lived closer right now. I need to finish the work on my house and not run broke doing it. So I have to keep earning and not retiring as yet like I wanted to when I hit 66. I will be 68 next week on the 13th. Yep Friday the 13th this time. And hopefully no bad luck for me as I sure don't need any at this time. I would like to taste the gumbo . Even chicken and sausage sounds good to me as I miss Louisiana cooking like that and crawfish boils. Nothing like that here. I need a good gumbo recipe as I can follow directions pretty good as I do most of the good cooking here at home now. I just made a pot of shrimp and hot Italian sausage with Alfredo sauce with noodles. It has allot of other ingredients to make it a bigger pot to make it for more people and freeze some. > The roof is completely done and we are enclosing the outside walls to get them ready for new windows in the next week or so. > I was out walking a parcel of land 5.5 acres with the owner from Colorado. He is looking to buy a 1.25 acres along side his property to help get a access > out to a main road. Right now his 5.5 acres is land locked with no access. They are asking a arm and leg for the 1.25 acres as it has 165 foot of beachfront > which we are always running out of on a island as they are not making anymore beachfront in the best area. !0 years ago he bought the 5.5 acres for $550,000 > and they are asking at this time $670,000 for the 1.25 acres right next to him and they started at $735,000. We are still trying to get the seller down in price. But > part of this deal is the seller has to get a road to the property and he still need a old family member to give him access to get to his 1.25 acres as part of this deal to make it happen but they are holding up saying they have not determined the cost of getting the road through and paying off the relative to let it happen as we want > a deeded recorded access to make it fit our needs. Both parcels of land will be worth something like $2,000,000 when it is finished and it works out. My buyer that I have been working with for 10 years or so has big bucks. He owns the largest outfitting store in Steamboat Springs Colorado for skiing and like a Bass Pro outfitter or a Cabela's. > What are you going to do for your sister? Anything? I know you do not want to. And she would be back for more no matter how much you give her. > I still have my fingers crossed for you to win the power-ball. I hope the Saints get a good draft and then pickup a couple of good older players in free agent market. > And build a good team for Drew's last couple of years and make a real run for the Superbowl again one more time. I still try and catch as many NBA games as possible. > And the playoffs start on the 14th of this month. I still have not picked a team to win as yet but I think it wont be the Toronto Raptors even if they are the number 1 one seed at this time. > > Write you again soon and keep getting better! > > k > Contrary to ordinary there is nothing like a dream to create the future! > > Kevin Stratton > Roatan Island Real Estate - Owner/Broker > [email protected] > Office: 011-504-2445-4168 > Cell: 011-504-9922-5638 > www.roatanislandrealestate.com > www.guanajasales.com > * Member of NAR > * Member Roatan Real Estate Association > and Canabirh Association of Honduras > * Owner of Roatan Island Home Inspections > for Construction and Home Inspections > * Fiberglass Swimming Pools<Ask Miles.jpg>

#frymiles milessimpson frykevinstratton kevinstratton

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ladysmaragdina · 7 years

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So remember how that ramen joint was opening up across the street from me today? Yeah, me neither.

In other news, HOLY SHIT GUYS, I FIXED MY RAMEN RECIPE. HOLY. SHIT. I’m gonna post it here so that a) I remember how I tweaked the base recipe next time and b) last time I posted about ramen I got about ten requests for this, so here you go.

This is a nice, straightforward, miso ramen. It’s not a super-creamy 18-hour+ tonkotsu ramen. I’m not that godly yet. (I’m also a white person who is not even trying to be authentic)

Okay.

BROTH

(Cook/prep time 7+ hours, can be made in advance)

Until I figure out how to get shit to render properly in a slow cooker, this is a day-long cooking endeavor.

The recipe I’m basing this off of calls for four pounds of pig neck bones, one whole quartered chicken carcass with the breasts removed, and one pig trotter. I don’t have a stockpot big enough to deal with that and am intimidated by pig trotters (and chicken necks, and chicken feet, and other things I probably SHOULD be using), so:

- A couple pounds of pork bones

- A couple pounds of chicken wings

- One onion, chopped

- About ten cloves of garlic

- About a two-inch piece of ginger, peeled and chopped

- One or two carrots, peeled and chopped

- A handful of dried shiitake mushrooms

- One or two sticks of celery, chopped

- Instant dashi*

* Yes, I could make my own dashi with kombu and bonito flakes and such, but fuck that.

Toss your pork bones in a large pot, cover with cold water and bring to a boil. Hold it there, skimming scum off the top, for 20-30 minutes or until scum stops rising. Pork bones are weird; this keeps your stock from smelling funky. One time I didn’t blanch and it was Not Great.

While that’s going, chop your veggies and, optionally, brown your chicken wings.

When the bones are done blanching, dump the water, rinse the bones, rinse out the pot if you’re still using the same one. Toss everything except the celery and the dashi in a large stockpot. Cover with water by an inch or two (if you wanna replace some of the water with a can or two of chicken broth, go for it). Bring to a boil, reduce to the smallest of simmers, and cover.

Let this go at a bare simmer for at least six hours. I let mine go for ten. You’re not leaving the house today.

DON’T FUCKING STIR.

When there’s an hour or two to go, add the celery (DON’T FUCKING STIR).

When it’s done, carefully strain, discard the solids, and add the dashi at a ratio of about 1/2 teaspoon/cup. I save this for last since a) dashi doesn’t like sustained high heat and b) I’m never sure how much liquid I’ll end up with. Incidentally, two cups of broth is about one (very generous!) individual serving, and I’ve got little tupperware containers that hold that much; I’ll dump a teaspoon of dashi into each one and ladle the broth over.

This stuff freezes real well. I usually get about 5-6 bowls of broth out of one batch.

Your broth is gonna taste kinda shitty. It has no salt! Read on.

TARE

(Cook/prep time 15ish minutes, can be made in advance)

Tare = flavoring. I’m still tweaking this part, but today is the first day I feel like I maybe got it right.

I should probably reduce this recipe by a third or so; it makes a FUCKTON of tare (but if you’ve got extra tare left over once your frozen broth runs out, you can half-ass the broth with canned chicken broth, dashi, and whatever aromatics you’ve got floating around. It won’t be as rich, but hey. No pork bones or gristly chicken bits = no collagen to render = no need for a 6-hour cooktime!).

- One cup white miso

- One cup red miso (yes, you want both types. BOTH types. I’ve done this with pre-blended red-and-white (awase) miso, but for some reason it’s not as great)

- At least two or three tbsps soy sauce

- One tbsp sesame oil

- One or two tbsps tahini (if you don’t have tahini - I opened mine today and found it was moldy - double or maybe triple the sesame oil)

- One or two tbsps rice wine vinegar

- At least six cloves of garlic, grated

- About a two-inch piece of ginger, peeled and grated

- Half an onion, grated

- Sichimi togarashi to taste (a teaspoon? half a teaspoon?)

- Salt and/or - gasp! - MSG to taste

Mix it all up into a paste. Taste it. Is it salty as absolute fuck? If not, add more soy/salt. Then a little more to be sure.

This also freezes real well.

FAT

(Cook/prep time 30ish minutes + however long it took you to accumulate the bacon grease, can be made in advance)

This is TOTALLY OPTIONAL, but! It’ll give you that nice shimmery aroma-trapping film of fat on the top of the bowl.

- Grease from maybe one package of bacon (if you’re not straining and saving the grease from whenever you cook bacon, SHAME. You can also just buy lard - but. BACON.)

- The other half of your onion, chopped

- Some more ginger, peeled and chopped

- Maybe a dozen cloves of garlic

Cook the onions, garlic and ginger in the fat until golden - maybe half an hour? Strain, discard solids. Now you’ve got garlic-ginger-onion infused bacon fat. Congratulations.

This keeps in the fridge real well.

TOPPING: CHILI-GARLIC STUFF

(Cook/prep time 15ish minutes, can be made in advance)

This isn’t a recipe so much as “shit I threw together at the last minute because I realized that miso ramen goes well with spicy things.” Take some minced garlic, vegetable or sesame oil, a lot of sichimi togarashi, and whatever else (sesame seeds? Sugar?). Saute until the garlic is blackish and sticky. If you’re feeling less lazy than I was, puree. Toss that shit on as a topping because, since you made it, it’s fancier than sriracha. Yaaaaay.

TOPPING: MARINATED EGG

(Cook/prep time 6-8 hours, CANNOT be made in advance)

Soft-boil an egg! Bring a pot of water to a boil, dump in an egg that’s still cold from the fridge, and boil for six minutes; your margin of error here is maybe thirty seconds each way. Shock in icewater. Peel, carefully. Marinate in a 3/2/1 ratio of soy sauce, rice wine vinegar, and sake (you can skip the sake, or add other things like ginger or extra sugar, or whatever), folding a paper towel over the top to soak up the liquid and ensure the top off the egg soaks too.

Marinate for six or perhaps eight hours, definitely no more than ten. Too short in the marinade, and you won’t pick up much flavor (you’ll still have a nice soft-boiled egg, though). Too long, and your egg will start getting weird and rubbery.

NOODLES

Noodles

(does... does Amazon seriously have these listed for $25 a pack? They’re like $3 at my local Asian market. Good lord.)

Seriously, if you’ve read this far... don’t use instant noodles. Fresh noodles are amazing. I buy Sun Ramen’s frozen miso ramen kits and toss out the flavoring packet. (Lowball the cooking time. The miso noodles say to cook for 2:15; I give them maaaaaaybe two minutes)

All this shit (minus the egg) fucking freezes, and fresh noodles are no exception. Give them a day to thaw in the fridge before using.

ASSEMBLY

The fucking GREAT thing about ramen is that ALL THIS SHIT FUCKING FREEZES and you can just heat it up later. So:

- Thaw/heat up your broth, heat up your water for the noodles.

- While that’s going, dump about a tablespoon of your infused fat and an ice-cream-scoop of tare into your bowl (honestly, I add tare to the point of saturation). Prep any toppings you want - take the egg out of the marinade, chop green onions, whatever. Set the table. Pour your drink. Do all that shit now.

- When your water and broth are both boiling, dump the noodles in the water and start a timer for them. While that’s going, dump your broth into your bowl and wisk until the fat melts and the tare is incorporated (don’t forget to give the noodles a stir or two during this so they don’t clump).

- Drain the noodles, briefly shock under cold water, and dump in your bowl. Quickly. Fresh ramen noodles are WEIRD. If you don’t shock them, they’ll keep cooking and go mushy; if you don’t get them from boiling water to bowl in less than ten seconds, they clump like fuck. (I have never tried to time the noodles for multiple servings of ramen for multiple people. I am vaguely terrified to)

- Toppings

- IT IS FOOD

And there you go!

...You’ll notice I’m missing a recipe for everyone’s favorite topping: chashu pork. Honestly, I live alone, this is SO MUCH FOOD that chashu pork feels excessive. Don’t let me stop you. Go do what I cannot.

#wheeeeeeeeeeee #recipe

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chill-that-ur-inmyhead · 4 years

Text

1 - When was the last time you changed a lightbulb? myself? never I always have someone else to do it aka my dad

2 - How often do you get takeaway coffee? when I used to work in retail it was every time I went to work so twice a week for the past year but now I’m starting a new job and I will probs get takeaway coffee more often now

3 - What’s your typical order when you go to McDonald’s? What about Starbucks? McDonald’s order: BBQ chicken crispy wrap and mozzarella sticks...... I haven’t been to starbucks in ages but probably a latte and muffin

4 - Who was the last person you sent an e-mail to? my new manager confirming the job offer is still starting in January

5 - Have you ever seen the motoring programme Top Gear? Do you prefer the new “cast” or the original trio? I think the original trio had a better vibe, I don’t care for top gear but even catching some of the clips I enjoyed them

6 - Are you a fan of Louis Theroux? I have no opinion yet

7 - When was the last time you visited the dentist? What about the optician? Dentist, it has been ages, over a year due to the pandemic and opticians I last went earlier on this year in the summer

8 - Do you sleep on your side, your back or your front? left side mostly, back to change position and never on my front

9 - Would you rather drive or be the passenger? passenger although I have yet to pass my drivers test so maybe I will change my mind

10 - When was the last time you received a handwritten letter? my family and I have received various xmas cards so only a couple of weeks ago

11 - If you have pets, do you buy them gifts for Christmas or their birthdays? when I had pets I didn’t buy them anything but for future pets I would like to now that I have a job

12 - Would you be able to change a car tyre at the side of the road? haha nope, when I get my own car I will deffo look into it

13 - Have you ever been to Thailand? Would you want to go? I would love to go!!!!

14 - Have you seen a lot of the eighties “Brat pack” movies like the Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles? yes to both

15 - Do you know how to ride a bike? How about ride a skateboard? yes to bike and I can only ride a skateboard for a few seconds before I have to jump off!

16 - When you have a drink at home, do you make sure to use a coaster? yep otherwise there will be consequences hehe

17 - When was the last time you had brain freeze? a couple of months ago I got a costa ice smoothie and OUCH never again

18 - Did you get enough sleep last night? How much sleep is enough sleep for you? yes usually 7 or 8

19 - What are your favourite condiments? Do you use those often? ketchup always, bbq sauce is a nice option

20 - Peanut butter: crunchy or smooth? Do you have a favourite brand? smooth and usually just the supermarkets own brand

21 - Do you have any life-threatening allergies? nope

22 - Have you had to take a COVID test yet? Was it positive or negative? I’ve had one and it was negative and I’ll take another one before I start my new job and hopefully that one will be negative

23 - Do you think it’s okay to keep cats indoors for their entire lives? doesn’t sound like a good idea but I don’t know much about cats

24 - Do you think people should need a license in order to keep animals, just to make sure they knew how to properly take care of them? I don’t now how much that will do, since they can still abuse the animal even after the license is obtained

25 - Have you ever had to claim on an insurance policy? Did it pay out? nope

26 - Which meal of the day is your favourite? What’s your favourite thing to eat for that meal? BRUNCH hehe and usually a full English breakfast but only for special occasions

27 - When was the last time you bounced on a trampoline? Would you ever want to go to one of those indoor trampoline parks? years ago then my parents got rid of it, I wouldn’t mind but I’m not dying to go

28 - What was the last thing you watched on TV? Is it something you’ve seen before? Bridgerton!!! New series on Netflix and I loved every bit of it, combing the modern with the period drama genre is great

29 - Do you like flavoured versions of sodas? Which ones are your favourite? nope

30 - What’s your favourite thing to put on a baked potato? cheese

#31/12/2020

0 notes

nubnubblr · 6 years

Text

If You Do . 15

FLASHBACK

SAM

"Come on kiddo,"

"I'm coming," I sighed following him out the door.

"Oh, Sammy don't forget your lunch," my grandmother came running after us.

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Enjoy your first day," she smiled brightly.

"I'll try," I nodded.

"Do you need anything from the store doll face?" My grandfather winked at her. They had been married almost 50 years and I think they are just as in love or maybe more so than they were when they were dating.

"You'll need to buy more butter if you're wanting me to make shortbread," she said hands on her hips.

"You got it, my love," he waved pulling out of the driveway.

I let out a sigh, I wasn't exactly looking forward to a new school, it wasn't like I wasn't used to it, I mean my grandparents tried to keep my life as stable and consistent as possible but with my grandfathers work sometimes it wasn't possible. On the plus side, he was more or less retired now and this was supposed to be the last time we move, or at least the last school I would have to start new at. I only had 3 years of school left so they didn't really have a choice if they wanted my grades to be good.

"Are you looking forward to your new school?" He asked me, he had a smirk on his face, he knew I wasn't but he liked to poke fun at me when he had the chance.

"I'm so thrilled," I nodded.

"I'm sorry about all the moving bud, but you won't have to move school again, I promise,"

"I know,"

"Also, even if your day is bad, can you tell your grandmother that it was okay. She feels so guilty about moving you again and I think she might just cry if she knows your first day went badly,"

"I can't lie to her, I will just make sure that it doesn't go badly," I gave him a small smile.

"That's my boy" he nodded pulling I to the small deli.

"I best get the butter before I forget,"

He came back five minutes later with a bag of cooking butter and a bouquet of roses. He opened the back door placing them on the seat gently.

"How much butter did you buy?"

"6 blocks, you know how she gets, she'll start with the shortbread and then decide to make a cake or some slice," he shrugged.

"Now let's get you to school,"

***

"This is where your first class is, " the vice principle directed me to the sports class because apparently, I have sports first on a Monday.

"Mr. Jeffries, this is our new student Sam, "

"Do you want to introduce yourself,?" The sports teacher asked casually.

"Not really,"

"Take a seat, were playing football today, Matthew and Drew you're the captains pick your teams,"

"Sir," one of them whined.

"If you're on the same team the other team doesn't try because they know they'll lose, Matthew, you pick first,"

"Come on new kid, let's see what you've got," Matthew ushered me up.

***

"Dude, that was amazing! You should think of joining our team," Matthew praised me. He was thrilled we had beat his friends' team and apparently he was giving me the credit for it.

"Yeah?" I responded more out of politeness than interest.

"Yeah, we could really use someone else who can actually play,"

"You have a team of people who can't play?" I raised an eyebrow.

"They try, some of them really aren't that good, but you can't fault them for trying," he shrugged.

"Where are you next?" he asked.

"Ah, math I think,"

"With Mrs. Quills?"

"Sounds right," I shrugged.

"You're with me, come on. See you at recess bro," he called back to Drew.

"You know you don't have to show me around?" I commented, Mr. Jeffries had told him that he should be my guide this week.

"Dude, I'm just going to math. You happen to be in the same class," he smirked.

"Okay," I nodded.

I followed him through the campus, into a large building, and up the stairs.

"Yo!" A blonde nerdy looking guy called from the top of the stairs.

"Awe, are you waiting for me?"

"Kind of, I'm more avoiding going into class without back up,"

"Why?"

"Because half of them are talking about how your not-girlfriend is attractive and how they would like to hook up with her. I swear I'm going to throw up," he visibly shuttered.

"To be fair she does look pretty good," I shrugged.

"That's disgusting, who's the new kid?" he nodded towards me.

"Right, this is Sam,"

"Are you adopting strays again?"

"He has the same class as us, don't be a douche. This is Jae by the way,"

"Sup," he nodded.

"No one really likes him," Matthew joked.

"Not true," Jae defended himself.

"You're right, Debbie Chow loves you,"

"Argh, can we please just go to math? It's less painful," he rolled his eyes.

"There you are," a girl towards the back of the class sighed.

"I thought you were ditching class," she shook her head at Matthew and Jae.

"Why would we do that?"

"Because Mr. Watson hates you," she shrugged as Jae sat down next to her, Matthew sat behind her gesturing for me to take the seat next to him.

He had been okay so far, I mean Jae wasn't as nerdy and I thought he would be, he did kind of look like chicken little though but so far they didn't seem like people I wouldn't be friends with.

"Hi, I'm Coco," the girl smiled at her.

"Are you two dating?" I pointed between her and Jae.

"What? No," she shook her head, Jae's seemed to freeze, his eyes as big as saucers.

"We're just friends," Jae stated slowly.

"I'm that idiots sister," Coco pointed at Matthew.

"Oh," I nodded as a short fat man waddled into the room his hair, or what was left of it, was white but he didn't seem that old.

"Argh," Jae groaned.

"I heard that," the teacher stated without turning around.

"I hope you two aren't corrupting our new student, you could learn a thing or two from him," he said once he had reached his desk and turned around.

"No Sir," Matthew stated.

"Uhuh, I would be more careful picking your friends Sam," the teacher stated.

"I haven't made friends yet sir, but I think I'm more than capable of choosing them for myself," I stated casually.

"I see they have already rubbed off on you,"

"So where did you move from?" Matthew asked after the teacher had finished explaining what we were supposed to be doing.

"Melbourne,"

"But you're not from there right?"

"No, I'm from Thousand Oaks, California" I shrugged.

"I thought so, he's also from Cali," he nodded towards Jae.

"Can you really sound yourself as being from there when you haven't lived there since you were life 5?" Coco asked.

"He goes back enough and sounds like he is from there to say so," BM stated.

"Can you four please pay attention? I'm sorry if my class is interrupting your socializing, but as you walked into my class door I assumed you wanted to learn math,"

"You know what they say about assuming," Jae commented, Coco smacked him in the arm.

"Sorry sir," she gave him a sweet smile.

"I think he has a thing for you," Jae whispered to her when Mr. Watson just sighed and turned around.

"Ew," Coco frowned.

The class dragged on, or maybe it just felt that way because I already knew all of this. Jae made comment after comment and I understood why the teacher disliked him, BM wasn't as bad but he wasn't any different either.

When the bell rang everyone was quick to pack their books away. BM turned to me,

"Do you want to come chill with us?" he asked. I just shrugged, it beat the alternative, which was sitting on my own getting the new kid looks.

"Who else is he going to chill with? He only knows us," Jae commented.

"He's not wrong," I shrugged again.

"He's wrong plenty," Coco stated.

"Come on, come meet the rest of us," BM patted my shoulder.

"There's more of you?"

"Only three," he shrugged.

"There's Buff two, Chewbacca, and my Brosive," Jae commented.

"Thea will beat you up if she hears you call her Chewbacca," Coco frowned at him.

"And Drew would sulk knowing he is 2nd, but what are you going to do?" Jae shrugged.

"Come on," Matthew lead us down to the courtyard and over to a half wall where a girl with light pink hair and a guy with about the same build as Matthew were sitting.

"Where's Thea?" Matthew asked.

"Probably boning someone in the bathroom," Jae shrugged.

"I have more class than you dipshit," the girl I assumed to be Thea came wandering up the path.

"Here," she handed the girl with the pink hair a cruiser pie.

"Thanks,"

"Oh, give me some,"

"No, I need it if I'm going to deal with you," she shook her head opening the packet, Jae lent over and took a bite.

"Dude, seriously?" she frowned.

"What? It's not like you would have eaten it all anyway,"

"Who is this?" Thea smirked at me.

"Oh right, sorry bro. This is Sam, he is new. Sam this is Thea, Drew, and Charlie,"

"Hey there," Thea smirked. Charlie nodded, acknowledging my being there but not seeming to really care so much.

"Come on, we only have limited time to do this," Charlie stood up,

"Can you guys lock the door this time? I don't want to walk in on that again and I don't think anyone else needs to either," Thea shuddered.

I guess those two are dating, that would be why Coco and Jae were so weirded out when I assumed they were dating. It's probably why she barely acknowledged me being there. I mean, I'm not saying that she should be looking at me or that I'm attractive enough to hold the attention of everyone. But, every other girl in this school including Thea has been staring at me all day.

I also felt drawn to her, I'm not sure why, there was something about her that I felt instantly and it wasn't just because she was insanely gorgeous, which she was. But there was definitely something there.

"Wait," Thea called as they started to walk away. She started ruffling through her bag and pulled out a Polaroid camera.

"Dude, seriously?" Charlie sighed.

"We have to commemorate the day Sam joined our group," Thea stated.

"How long do you think he'll last?" Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"Awe, I don't know. I think he'll be around for a while," she smirked at me.

"Thea, can you not try and not sleep with the new kid?" Drew frowned.

"I'm 100% sure he is already interested in someone else," she looked between in me and Charlie, it was subtle so I'm pretty sure no one but me noticed.

"Just take the photo so we can go," Jae stated.

"Here, can you take it?" Thea handed the camera out to Drew.

"Why can't I be in the photo?" he pouted.

"You take this one then I'll take the next with you in it," she shrugged.

"Fine," he sighed.

"You realise you didn't ask Sam if he wanted to be in the photo, or even if he wanted to join our group? Matthew stated.

"It's too late now, he has already fallen down the rabbit hole," Thea waved him off.

"I'm sorry about her," he shook his head.

"Don't you apologized for me, Matthew,"

"Ohhh," Jae commented.

"Can we just take the photo please, some of us have places to be," Charlie sighed.

"One, two, three," Drew counted then clicked the button.

"Okay, switch," Drew stated.

"No switch, we have to go," Charlie grabbed Jae's wrist.

"Nice meeting you Seth," Charlie waved.

"His name is Sam," Jae commented.

"Whatever," she shrugged.

The got up and left.

"So what do you say, Sam? Do you want to be a part of our little group?" Matthews turned to me.

"Why not?" I shrugged. They seemed like good people, and I felt like they would be a good group to be a part of.

END

I put the photo back in the box and closed the lid.

"Come on, you can sleep in my bed, you can't climb onto the top bunk and you definitely can't sleep with that abomination," Charlie shuddered.

"Are you trying to get me into your bed?" I smirked.

"I'm trying to make sure you're not I'm more pain than you already are," she stated. BM huffed as he walked into Thea's bedroom.

"Right," I nodded.

"Sleep here then, whatever," she shrugged walking into her bedroom, she left her door open knowing I would follow.

"Oh my god," Thea groaned rolling out of bed.

"What?" I yawned.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she left the room.

I frowned after her, she doesn't normally get hungover, and when she does in never more than a bit of a headache. I stretch getting out of bed to follow her, if she really does throw up she'll be a mess.

She was hunched over the toilet dry heaving. I thought maybe she would be okay, as she threw up.

"Maybe that's your body reacting to making out with Jae," I commented out loud. I hadn't meant to say it to her. She frowned at me once she had finished.

"What?"

"You and Jae were fully making out last night,"

"I get it, I drunk too much. You don't need to try and make me feel worse. I'll stop drinking so much," she waved me off.

"I knew you wouldn't believe me,"

"You have no proof,"

"Well actually," I shrugged as she started throwing up again.

CHARLIE

"I told you they wouldn't believe us," BM stated.

"Just because we both got a little drunk doesn't mean we would make out with each other," Jae pulled a face before continuing with his bowl of cereal.

"This is literally the first time I actually agree with him," Thea looked like admitting that caused her pain.

"Good call with the photo," I nodded.

"What photo?" They both froze.

"This photo," BM pulled the photo from the Polaroid box.

"Oh my god!" Thea looked like she was going to be sick.

"Why is that in the box?" Jae frowned.

"Because if we're going to have to have it seared into our brain for the rest of our life, you have to have a consistent reminder," BM explained.

"There is no way that happened," Jae shook his head.

"Oh, it happened," I glared at him.

"Are you mad at me?" he frowned confused.

"Dude, bro code," I stated.

"But you're only mad at me?" he continued to frown.

"I honestly expect this from Thea, she's a hoe, she sleeps with everyone," I shrugged, I mean I was kind of mad at her but she was Thea.

"That's true, also you were getting me drunk," she nodded thoughtfully then frowned.

"Did you get me drunk to make out with me?" she looked at him horrified.

"Oh my god, no!" he looked just as horrified.

"You guys are lucky you only made out," Sam commented coming out of my room.

"What do you mean?" Thea asked carefully.

"If it were for BM and Charlie, you two would have had sex," he shrugged continuing to the bathroom.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Thea almost dry heaved.

"You also made a drunk pact, that if you were both still single at 40, you would get together," BM nodded playing back their drunk recording.

"Oh my god, just shoot me," Thea got up leaving the room.

"I don't feel well," Jae shook his head retreating back to the spare room.

"I think we sufficiently scared them," BM nodded.

JACKSON

"Want to go grab lunch?" I asked casually.

"Sure, why not?" Mark shrugged getting up from the lounge.

We threw on some shoes and made our way down to the street. If I was being honest I had an ulterior motive to having lunch with him. Thea and I had finally agreed to meet next Saturday and I think I would act more like myself if Mark was there. If I'm in my own I'm not or likely to be louder and show off I guess, mostly because of nerves.

I asked Thea to send me photos of her friend, she sent me the link to her Instagram instead. I was hoping it would help me convince Mark to come. Her friend was attractive, and completely Mark's type. Not that he would admit to having a type.

"Noodle forum?" He asked, it was literally two doors down from our apartment building entrance.

"Sounds good," I nodded. We ordered out food and sat down, we were here so offended that I'm sure they would already know our order before we even said anything.

"So have you decided if you want to be a really awesome friend and come with me to lunch with Thea and her friend?" I asked.

"Have you got a photo of her?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Of Thea or her friend?"

"Her friend, obviously," he frowned at me.

"Right, I have her Instagram,"

"That will do," he nodded.

MARK

He handed me his phone with her Instagram up, I opened my own pool home and searched it through my own account. Handing him his phone back.

"So?" He asked impatiently.

"Give me a second to actually look through her account,"

"Oh yeah," he nodded.

She was gorgeous, and I could see that Jackson was probably going to bug me until I agreed so it was just easier to agree. I press the follow button.

"When’s lunch?"

"Next Saturday,"

"As long as I don't have to go into the office I'll come," I nodded.

"Thanks man," he smiled at me.

"We both know you were just going to bug me until I said yes,"

"I would not," he defended but the tone in his voice proved my point.

Jackson went to shower once we'd got back to the apartment, my phone beeped, it was just a notification; CharliesDeJaVooo had posted. She was really attractive, even if she looked like she was wearing pajamas and had just thrown he hair up. I clicked on her name and scrolled through her Instagram properly. She had a lot of followers, honestly it was probably all the naked that she had on here, well, it wasn't naked so much as it was just her showing skin, but it was appreciated. Even when she didn't look like she was trying she was still gorgeous. Maybe having lunch with her wouldn't be so bad.

"What you looking at?" Jackson asked from behind me, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Well if you want me to go on a date with her, then I need to know what she looks like,"

"I thought you looked at her already?"

"Skimming through her photos and agreeing to it so you wouldn't be a pest is different to actually looking through her photos," I defended.

"What ever you say," he shrugged walking over to the kitchen.

0 notes

uicyoulater · 8 years

Text

Yonsei How To Pt 14 (2) - Food Budgeting

You know what’s annoying about adulting? Food. My first semester at UIC I ate nothing but candy, waffles, and microwave curry. That wasn’t exactly good for me. I only maintained by weight through going to TKD and running on the weekends. Not only was I chubby, but I wasn’t always getting proper nutrition. The last straw? Living off the convenience store costs way more than you think it does. Like at least $40-50 every week extra to what I bought from the cafeteria and supermarket.

So, I vowed to stop buying expensive, stupid stuff when I felt hungry or didn’t like what was for lunch. I have become one of those crazy meal prep people and I love it.

Before going into the explanation of my process for this crazy weekly ritual, let me give you a few tips for cutting down on excess food spending/eating for normal, non-crazy people.

1. Get a refillable water bottle or reuse a disposable bottle. I recommend a Gatorade or juice bottle since their sturdier. This cuts down on waste and keeps you hydrated without spending extra money.

2. Go to events with free food. It’s pretty straightforward.

3. When shopping for food, go to larger stores since they’re usually cheaper and have a larger selection.

4. Don’t buy organic/natural that often.

5. Go to the local produce or meat/fish market. It’s really fun as well, fyi. They have fresher food and it can be cheaper than the supermarket sometimes.

6. Stock up on simple stuff like yogurt and granola from the supermarket. I get a 10-pack of plain yogurt every week for about $3 that I can have for breakfast or a snack. Yogurt also lasts a while in the fridge and can be eaten a few days after the expiry date as long as it still smells/tastes right. I add different seasonings or fruit to change it up when I feel like it.

7. Buy fruit in the campus convenience store. They sell stuff pretty discounted (a medium box of strawberrys in season for $3 vs. $4.50 at the grocery) and in reasonable quantities.

8. Don’t get delivery by yourself or just with one other person. It’s innevitable that you’re gonna get some chicken at some point. Only order in a large group. You’ll usually eat a little less and pay less too.

9. Don’t impulse buy street food or subway food when you’re planning to eat later.

10. Drink and go out less. I suggest only eating out with friends 1-2 times a week unless it is a special occasion. Alcohol in bars and resturaunts have a higher mark-up than buying yourself. When it’s nice out, a picnic is a great alternative.

11. Buy coffee instant in the store or on campus. The school-run coffee shops are a lot cheaper.

Do I break some of these rules still? Sure. Sometimes I really just want some spaghetti ramen and a bag of chips when I don’t need them. It’s okay. The big change I’ve made is that I go against this once or twice a week, not twice a day.

Now, for the crazy.

Every Saturday or Sunday I get ingredients and cook for the following week. Depending on my schedule, I prep about 8 medium-large meals. I then suppliment this with yogurt and/or cereal for snack and breakfast. I only make that many becuase I know I’ll go out with friends to eat or get take out after work (don’t judge me, I need a chimichanga sometimes) a few time every week as well as get a few meals from the convience store. I’m okay with this and I rarely waste food. Also, lunch lines at the campus caf can get pretty long and you may not always want what’s being served.

In groceries, I spend only $20-23 every week for 80% of my meals. Granted, I love cooking, so I’m okay with this.

As an example, here is my food breakdown this week. I’m making spaghetti and meatballs and tuna salad sandwiches.

Bread - 2,200

2 Bell Peppers - 2,780

Mayo - 1,980

Tomato Sauce - 1,980

Ground Pork - 5,060 (Not that much pork though guys)

Butter Lettuce - 1,780

4 Small, Peeled Red Onions - 1,980

3 150g Cans of Tuna - 4,480

Total (+Tax) 22,240

I didn’t include pasta, garlic, spices, etc because I have them stockpiled. I ended up not using all of the peppers, onions, mayo, and tuna so now I have them stored (produce frozen) for next week. I also already had yogurt and cereal as well as eggs if I want them.

I have stockpiled some basic starches, seasonings, sauces, and proteins. As you can see, I’m using meat this week but last week all of my meals were vegetarian as tofu is a fraction of the cost of meat. Every week I buy at least one ingredient that I know I can keep and use a few more times, like tomato sauce (in a jar), japanese curry bullion, lemon juice, mayo, etc. Some of my stockpile can stay as long as it’s sealed, but during the first part of the semester I buy the more perishable items. I try to never buy anything I won’t use by the time I have to go home or it expires.

I have a few meal prep tips that are specific to Korea and living in my current housing (dorms) that I would like to share.

1. Spend the largest portion of your budget on protien and fresh produce. Meat is super expensive here (well everywhere really, but here too) and so is produce. I never buy fruit in the supermarket for this reason. Always go for seafood before meat, then chicken and pork, and only buy beef if you want to be fancy. (Or use tofu and eggs as they are a lot cheaper and can last for a week or two in the fridge)

2. Make things like pasta, rice dishes, and stews/curry. They stay longer in the fridge. Often, I mark and make a meal for Tuesday and don’t eat it, pushing everything back at lease half a day. If I have salads or meals I can’t freeze for the end of the week then I have to eat them first. Korea likes all of these things, so you can get ingredients fairly easily and for a good price.

3. Carbs are not the enemy. I love having bread, pasta, rice, and potatos. They all last better than fresh ingredients and can adapt to different flavors. Try using a brown rice in stead of white and always but starches uncooked. Rice is so cheap here that I can last on a medium bag for over a semester if I store it properly. The important thing is portion control when you have a carb-based meal.

4. Avoid fatty foods or using too much oil. When I meal has time to sit, extra fat gets nasty. My favourite fat source, butter, is so expensive here that it’s almost stupid to use it. Use natural fats from food to cook it or just a bit of vegetable oil.

5. Go to the supermarket later in the evening. Around 5-7 on weekends there is a giant rush to the store, so going at 8 or after is easier. Stores also start marking down fresh produce and raw protien around then so you can get a better deal. Supermarkets also close on some Sundays, so watch when that is.

6. The same kind of goes for the Yonsei campus kitchen. Cook later in the evening to avoid people and fighting for space (about 10pm) in the kitchen during peak hours.

If you have any questions about saving money on food, feel free to ask.

#yonsei uic #Yonsei University #food #meal prep #health #korea #international student #budget #budgeting #meals #cooking #college #college student #college budget

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secondhand-sheep-shack · 7 years

Text

Eating better...or something

So grocery shopping happened last night by head of household. She bought eggs and butter and cat food - because 10 hours gone to do ALL the household shopping meant paper goods and cat food and eggs and butter. (Can I scream?) So I’m trying to make a shopping list to hopefully get 2-3 weeks worth of meals out of it and not break what’s left of my check. My list so far: Big bag of potatoes big bag of shredded cheese (it is the same price per # as the unshredded stuff and I don’t have to spend a day grating cheese) jar of shaker cheese Oatmeal PB (that's mine and I won't get yelled at for using) PB powder 2 - 18 pk eggs - again mine. Dried onion Cheap beef roast that I can slice and saute Whole milk for mixing with the protein powder I have left big pack of flour tortillas 2 heads cauliflower Packet of ranch dressing mix Sour cream 2 cucumbers pt plain yogurt small bag mini chocolate chips 3-5# bananas 2-3 large grapefruit 3# bag frozen chicken breasts (probably walmart, aldi’s or the low-end kroger in town) my one splurge is 2 boxes of lipton cold brew teabags a month...though I’m down to using just one box because I can make a pot of tea at work and refrigerate half for the next day.

Pre-existing in house: 1# cream cheese, 16# of ham, strawberries, 6# of bacon (and a bunch of other unhealthy crap I can’t/won’t eat because it’s got mushrooms in it); yeast, flour, sugar, spices, enough fat free flavorless microwave popcorn to supply everyone in a large movie theater at least once, 6 cases of ramen - all of it chicken flavored and a lot of canned soup that would send me to the ER - again mushrooms and like 4 gallons of maple syrup if I cover every cabinet and freezer...and possibly sausage which I’ll check before I go.

Since I’m on the road most of the time and can barely manage single bites of lunch at work on the days I do work I’m thinking things I can eat that are high protein and energy that I can eat on the road or when I get to work a few minutes early. And lighter snacks but still higher in protein for later evening things since the odds of finding a dinner thing happening when I get home requires days of pre-planning and me doing most of the work the night before (and no one else moving a muscle). My ‘healthy’ snack is always raw cauliflower or broccoli and ranch dressing - I figure I can save $ there and make my own. I usually end up with 3/4 cup of cauliflower and at most 2 tbsp ranch per ‘serving’. Mostly I’m thinking eggs and potatoes and shit like that for weekday meals when I’m home and/or protein shakes to use up what I have until I find an alternative that doesn’t have artificial sweeteners in it or work out some other option. And protein oatmeal or smoothies or homemade oatmeal breakfast bars for both home and on the road breakfasts. Meat in the house will disappear unless I pre-cook it into something like a thing we affectionately call “fighter bombs or scooby snacks - depending on who you ask - basically eggs, cheese, sausage, pepperoni and/or bacon (or chicken or beef) baked with a biscuit type bottom in a muffin pan. Mini ones work great for poppable snacks and regular size or large make a good meal or half meal. Things like bananas, eggs, milk, - shit that’s going to spoil and doesn’t handle pre-prep and freezing is going to be bi-weekly purchase. Most bananas will get mixed into bars or oatmeal pucks that I’ll be freezing and portioning out after they’re frozen. But simply I’m tired of eating the same crap and always being (1) hungry (2) fed up with the option limits in the house (or 3) getting harassed for having a ton of x food in the house. If I pre-make things like oatmeal pucks or breakfast bars I can freeze and eat at work or when desired I can put them in the big freezer and not hear about it being in the way all the time. This is (1) a stress reliever and (2) a way to improve my diet AND not get harassed for my food being in the way or me getting home exhausted and bitching about not having anything to eat except fried everything. And it’ll save me buying breakfast or something on the way to work. There’s always juice in the house, I tend to go for OJ, or something else that only I can have or like - that get’s bought without issue. And other than that I mostly only drink unsweetened black tea. Because I’m fucking weird. Am I insane? Is this going to work? Am I going to feel better because I’m not eating junk? Am I going to see the scale go south of 210 anytime soon doing this? Am I going to have more money each week from NOT having to buy breakfast each day?

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