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alisonwritesimagines · 8 months

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You're Losing Me ~Simon Riley Imagine~

Summary: Simon falls in love with Johnny, only to unintentionally hurt you in the process.

Author's Note: This was inspired by @houseofoddballs trauma bond fic they made which got me listening to sad, angsty songs while writing this at work. Also, please let me know if ya'll want a part two for this.

Reader's Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, like gut wrenching angst, cheating, unexpected pregnancy, slight happy ending for reader in the end in a way

Side Note: This is a secondary blog. If you comment a question down below, I will not answer since this is not the main blog. Please send the question to my inbox if you want a response back!

Do not repost this anywhere!

He was your Simon. No one else's. You two had met when he was on leave and fell in love. So by definition, he was yours first. It sounds selfish but when you barely get to see him due to him going on missions on months on end, you'd understand why you want to hold onto him as much as you can.

You watched as your Simon walk in together with Soap once again. This was the third time this week where he had claimed he was busy only to be seen with Soap afterwards.

"Sorry I kept him long, bonnie," Johnny apologized again.

"It's okay. Glad you two had fun," you tell him.

You liked Soap. He was a good guy and he understood what your Simon had to go through during their time in the military. There was nothing wrong with him. Until he and your Simon got closer and closer. You noticed it from the way they interacted with each other.

But you would never say anything to them. You loved Simon. He was everything to you. You trusted him. But you began to notice something between the two. It was obvious even if they were trying to hide it. So if keeping your Simon meant that you had to stay silent, so be it.

“I’m going out,” Simon told you exactly at 5pm. You noticed each time he told you he was going out, it was always at 5pm.

“Again? Simon, I was hoping we can have a date night?” You tell him with a small frown. You couldn’t remember the last time you two had gone on a proper date with each other.

“Sorry love. I already got plans. How about I make it up to you tomorrow yeah? Just the two of us and we can do whatever you want,” Simon offers.

“Okay. That’s fine,” you nodded with a small smile.

“Don’t need to wait up on me,” Simon tells you. You nodded once again before he put on his coat to head out.

“I love you, Simon,” you tell him. Simon stared at you a little with a soft smile. But there was something else in that smile.

“I love you too,” Simon tells you before leaving your shared apartment.

Simon felt guilty. Leaving you alone for a night with Soap. He loved you both but he didn’t know if you’d be okay in getting into a relationship with both him and Soap. Had had to think of you first since you were there for him first before Soap.

“You okay, Lt?” Johnny asked. The two sat in the back of a bar at a booth, sitting next to each other.

“I just feel guilty,” Simon tells him.

“About?”

“I feel like I’m lying to Y/n,” Simon tells him.

“Simon-“

“But as much as I want her, I want you too. I need you both.”

“I’m here for you Simon. And you know she loves you too. I don’t want to hurt her either. She’s a good woman and you both need each other in a way,” Johnny said.

Johnny could at least acknowledge that even though he and Simon loved each other, he didn’t want to hurt you. You were kind and caring. Not to mention you were there first before Johnny.

Simon felt guilty, the more he began to drink with Johnny the guilt began to go away a little. The next thing he knew, he’s waking up next to Johnny naked in Johnny’s bed at four in the morning. Now he was more guilty and had dug his grave.

——

The next day, you knew what he did. And Simon knew that you knew. It wasn’t the fact he came home in the early morning or the silence that made him know that you knew. It was the hickeys on his neck that he didn’t hide. He was too busy to get back home to you first to even look at the hickeies Johnny gave him.

You lied in your bed crying as your heart was broken. Simon sat on the other side of the door, listening to your crying. It broke him or hear you cry. He never meant to hurt you but he did. The mental pain was far worse than the physical pain and he knew it.

“Love, can we talk?” Simon you.

“Ghost, leave me alone please,” you tell him. Simon got up the moment you used his code name. He didn’t want you to see him as Ghost. He was your Simon. Your Simon that you love. He wanted you to know that you didn’t loose him. He was here with you and begging for your forgiveness.

“Love. Please. Don’t call me that. Open the door please,” Simon begged as he tried to open the door.

“Ghost, I need a moment. Please. Just go to Soap if you need to,” you tell him, still hurt from what you saw this morning.

Simon’s heart broke from your words. Yes he was in love with Johnny but he didn’t want to run to Johnny whenever you two had a problem. Even before Johnny you two were able to work things out whenever you had a fight. But this was different. You didn’t use his code name in anger like you would do.

You used his code name as if you didn’t recognize him anymore.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here until you’re ready to talk,” Simon tells you before walking to the living room.

You didn’t come out of the room till 9pm. When you walked out, you saw Simon sitting on the couch with red eyes. He looked over at you as you looked worse than he did. He got up before getting on his knees in front of you. You had never seen him this vulnerable before.

“Love, I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. I’ll do anything. Please,” Simon begged. He couldn’t let you leave him. He needed you. Although, he wasn't sure if he could say the same thing about you needing him.

“What do you want me to say, Ghost?” You asked him.

“Don’t call me that. I’m Simon. I’m your Simon,” he tells you as he stood up. He held your hands in his before kissing them. Trying to cling onto you as much as he could before you could slip away from his fingers any more than you already had.

“Are you?” You asked him.

“Yes. I’ll do anything to prove it to you,” Simon begged. You stayed quiet before walking to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

“Let me, love,” Simon said before going into the kitchen to make you something. You lied on the couch until Simon had food ready for you.

It was going well for you both for a month before Simon had to go on a mission. He spent his last couple of days, letting you know how much he loved you in the bed to remind you that he loved you and how much he needed you.

“I love you so much, Y/n,” Simon tells you.

“I love you too, Simon,” you tell him.

——

The moment Simon had told you that he was coming back, you were excited. You had news to tell him that you hoped he would choose you. It was selfish yes but you were human. It was a natural thing. And you hoped that your news would bring you two closer.

But the moment Simon came home, you knew something was wrong. Instead of giving you a kiss that would eventually lead into the bedroom like how he used to do, he kissed your cheek and told you he had to shower.

He had left his phone on his stand while he showered. You weren’t the type to look through his phone but you had to know. You unlocked his phone to see the messages he had sent to Johnny.

Simon 5:00pm: I miss you.

Simon 10:45pm: Can I see you Johnny?

Johnny 10:46pm: Are you sure?

Simon 10:47pm: I need you right now.

Simon 11:34pm: I need you. Can I come over?

Simon 1:05pm: I can pick you up before we head back to base.

Johnny 1:07pm: Sounds good.

Simon 3:08pm: Just got home. I love you.

Johnny 3:10pm: I love you too. Let me know when you want to meet up again.

You noticed the dates and times. They were all while you and Simon were supposedly patching things up before he had to go on a mission. How many times has he snuck off to see Johnny? How many times did he tell you that he loved you that now felt like lies? Were they together intimately when they were on their mission? The last text being more recent with Simon telling Johnny that he loved him hurt the most.

You were a fool. A goddamn beautiful and forgiving fool. But this was the pushing point.

———

The flat felt colder and somehow smaller. Simon noticed all of your little things were gone the moment he came back from the gym. He knew something was wrong. He rushed to the bedroom to find it tidied up but empty.

Your nightstand no longer had your stuff on or in it. Your side of the closet was empty. All his hoodies and shirts that you had taken from him was hung or neatly folded and put away. It was as if you were never here.

Simon noticed a letter on his nightstand making him walk over and sit on his side of the bed. He took the letter in his hand before opening it up.

Simon,

I know you choosing between me and Johnny will be hard on you. So let me make the decision for you, go ahead and choose him. I don’t think I can continue fighting for your love even though I would’ve done anything and everything for you. I love you Simon. But I can’t face anymore emotional neglect and keep waiting for you to return the love I’ve been giving you.

Am I hurt? Yes. Am I surprised you fell for Johnny? No. He can understand you in many ways I would never be able to understand. I just wished I was enough for you.

Please do not contact me or find me. I think it’s best for me to move on and let myself heal. I know it seems selfish but I need this.

Goodbye Simon.

- Y/n

Simon took out his phone and quickly called you. Maybe it wasn’t too late?

“We're sorry you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

His worse fear has come true due to his selfishness. You were gone from his life.

———

Five years have gone since Simon last heard you. He had told Johnny he needed some time before continuing their relationship together the moment you left him. Five years since you left him but not a day had gone by without Simon thinking about you.

Were you doing okay? Were you in a safe place? Have you moved on officially?

It was now his and Johnny ‘s leave and they had to grab some groceries for the week. While Simon had gone to grab a couple of stuff, Johnny made his way to another aisle before feeling someone bump into his legs. Soap looked down at the small child in front of him. His eyes widen as he saw the small boy who looked exactly like Simon minus his hair color.

“Sorry sir,” the little boy said as he backed up.

“You okay lad?” Soap asked him.

“Yes. I’m just trying to get those cookies,” the little boy said as he pointed at the package that was on a shelf higher than him.

“Oh uh. Here,” Soap tells him as he handed him the cookies.

“Thank you!” The little boy smiled before running off to a man who had appeared from the other end of the aisle.

“You ready, Johnny?” Simon asked him as he walked over to him. He put the food he grabbed into the cart before looking at Johnny.

“Get this Lt. I just met a kid who looked exactly like you,” Soap tells him.

“Doubt it,” Simon scoffed unconvinced.

“I swear it!”

Simon shook his head before his eyes landed on someone familiar. His eyes widen, making Johnny look over to see who he was staring at.

You stood at the end of the aisle with the man and the child that Johnny had helped out not too long ago. You were glowing in more ways than one. You looked happier and healthier than the last time the two men saw you.

Not to mention, you were pregnant and had a ring on your finger. Simon couldn’t help but grew jealous and angry. You should’ve been like that with him.

“Simon? Johnny?” You asked confused as you finally saw them. You and your family walked over to the two who stood at the other end of the aisle.

“Hey bonnie. You're looking good,” Johnny said surprised. Simon looked over at the small boy who did look exactly like him.

Simon didn’t know wether to be angry, sad, or disappointed in himself.

“Hi. Thanks. Are you two on leave?” You asked.

“At the moment yes,” Johnny said.

“That’s good. Simon, Johnny, this is my husband Mitch. Mitch, this is Simon and Johnny,” you introduce them. Simon looked at you heartbroken. He had selfishly hoped that one day you would come back to him or at least he would be able to see you and beg for your forgiveness.

“Nice to meet you both,” Mitch smiled as he offered a handshake. Simon and Johnny both shook his hand out of politeness.

“Is this lad yours?” Johnny asked you.

“Yes. This is my son, Levi. Levi, sweetie, these are two of mommy’s old friends. Can you say hi?” You asked him.

“Hi Mr. Johnny. Hi, Mr. Simon,” Levi said.

“How old are you?” Simon asked him. You frowned at his question. There was no doubt that Levi was his. Mitch rubbed your back a little to help calm you down.

“Five,” Levi tells him shyly.

“He’s five?” Simon asked you with sadden eyes. How long were you alone before Mitch came into your life?

“Yes. We need to get going. We’re on vacation here,” you tell him before taking Levi’s hand.

“Bye Johnny. Bye Simon,” you tell the two.

“Wait, Y/n,” Simon said as he quickly held your hand with your wedding ring on it. He let go the moment he felt the ring.

“Can we talk sometime?” Simon asked you.

“Simon-“

“Please.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sorry. Come on, Levi,” you tell your son as you lead him to the check out.

Mitch stayed behind before looking over at Simon.

“If you have any questions about Levi, here’s my number. Just message me and I can talk to you,” Mitch told Simon as he handed him a card.

“He’s not yours?” Simon asked for confirmation.

“She’s mentioned you both before and told me what happened. You have the right to know about your son,” Mitch told him before walking away from the two.

“Simon?” Johnny softly said to get his attention.

“Let’s go.” Johnny’s Simon tells him before walking away.

——

It took some convincing from your husband but just before you three left to go back home in America, you met with Simon at a café close to the airport.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” Simon smiled a little as you sat across from him.

“Yeah,” you tell him awkwardly.

“How have you been?”

“Better. From what you saw, I got a husband and my kids,” you tell him, placing your hand on your stomach.

“Have you told Levi that he’s my son?”

“No. And I can wait to tell him when he’s older to understand,” you say. Simon nodded, knowing it would be too much for the poor kid to understand.

“I want to apologize to you.”

“Simon-“

“No. I hurt you. I told you that I would never hurt you and I did. I love you, Y/n. And I’m happy you moved on but I really did love you. I’m so sorry and I’m begging for your forgiveness,” Simon tells you.

“Simon, I forgive you. I can accept on who you are but it just hurt when I watched you fall in love with someone else after everything we’ve been through. I stayed here for you. I wanted to be there for you but it felt like I lost you,” you tell him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay now. I’ve healed and I have a family now who I love,” you tell him.

“You deserve it. You deserve everything good in this world,” Simon tells you. You smiled softly before handing him an address and a phone number.

“That’s our address and my phone number. If you want to visit Levi, you can. He is your son. I’ll let you know when I tell him that your his dad,” you tell him. Simon stared down at the address and phone number before looking at you. You were still beautiful in his eyes and the guilt of letting you slip away began to creep up on him.

“We could’ve had a good family right?”

“Yeah.”

“You were a wonderful experience,” Simon tells you.

“And you were everything,” you tell him before standing up and heading out the door.

#simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley imagine #simon riley #simon riley imagine #simon riley x reader #ghost #ghost imagine #ghost x reader #simon riley angst #ghost angst #ghoap #simon riley x john mactavish #ghost x soap #call of duty #call of duty imagine #alisonwritesimagines

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mythicmanuscripts · 2 months

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Hiii! I read your post-Rook’s Rest Aegon angst story and omg it was so perfect!! I loved it so much! I have a weakness for angst and you write it so well!!

If your requests are still open, could I ask for some more Aegon angst or hurt/comfort? I would love your take on his struggles during season 1/pre-coronation!

Thank you so much for all the wonderful little stories and headcanons you’re putting out there, I’m reading and enjoying each and every one ❤️

Oooo great question!! Honestly I somehow didn’t even consider the angsty side of this so I’m so glad you brought it up! And thank you so much for the kind words, they mean so much and help me stay motivated. So without further ado, here’s the angsty season one aegon thoughts :))

(While there’s nothing sexual in these thoughts, there are definitely dom/sub undertones, specially sub!Aegon so bare that in mind before you continue reading.)

So firstly, I think you’d be introduced to Aegon a few weeks before he actually became king. Everyone knew that his father’s health was declining, and that Aegon would soon be king. And, everyone knew how ill equipped Aegon was to be king.

Originally, Aegon was supposed to marry Helena. That plan was cancelled pretty soon when Allicent realised that Helena was not at all up to the task of managing and controlling Aegon. Because that’s exactly why she needed to marry him. She was as fast losing her influence over him and he has not at all ready to be a ruler, so she had to find him a wife who would be harsh and strict with him and who would be able to control him.

Even worse, Allicent doesn’t hide this desire from Aegon at all. She openly tells him that she’s arranged a wedding with the daughter of another house specifically because this daughter has a reputation of being firm and unwavering and not taking nonsense. Allicent spells out to him that she doesn’t think he can rule so she has had to find a bride for him that will be able to control him and stop him from making a fool of himself.

Aegon doesn’t think he’s ever felt as humiliated as he did that dinner when Allicent announced this to him. He always knew that his mother and father both didn’t think he was fit to rule, and his brother was certainly counting down the days until the weight of crown becomes too much and he has to drop it.

But this… hearing his mother openly planning on the best way to control him? And of all the relationships for her to exploit, she wants to use his future wife? As much as Aegon tries to act all cool and nonchalant and like he doesn’t care about anything, the truth is that he has a soft soul and is a romantic at heart. He always dreamed of meeting his wife and slowly building up a good, strong relationship.

His dreams of that are crushed before he even meets you.

Because of all of this, Aegon doesn’t even get to see you before the wedding, nevermind speak to you. He asks to see you, multiple times, but Allicent won’t budge. She says him seeing you won’t make a difference, he’s marrying you either way.

He’s so dejected on his wedding day. When you look into his eyes for the first time, you just see such a deep sadness that it makes your chest ache. You try to be kind to him that night, try to compliment him and listen to him. It does very little and he remains cold the whole evening.

When it’s time to consummate the marriage, Aegon shows you to your new quarters with him and slowly begins to undress like he’s a robot. You stop him immediately. You tell him that it’s just the two of you here now, no one else. He doesn’t have to pretend or follow his mother’s orders, she’s not here.

He’s confused then.

“You don’t want to have sex?” Asks, confused, “Didn’t my mother tell you to get pregnant immediately?”

You chuckle and say that she did, but you don’t care what she said, she’s not in this marriage.

Allicent made one crucial era when she chose you, she assumed your courage and knowledge and independence would mean you agreed with her. But no, no it didn’t. It meant you thought for yourself, and it meant you realised just how sad and hurt the soon to be king is.

You stick your head out the door and tell the guards find you a stack of cards. The guards are, of course, very confused but you are now officially the future queen so they can’t exactly say no.

Once you have the cards, you put them down on the bed and sit on the other side. Aegon smiles when he sees that. A real smile, not the fake one he kept during the wedding.

You realise pretty quickly that the absolute best way to help Aegon at first is actually to be more of his friend than his wife? You listen to him and offer him occasional advice but you also play card games and trade family stories and discuss your dreams. Aegon has never had a friend before. At least, he’s never had a friend not somehow influenced by his status as future heir.

When he’s alone with you, he doesn’t feel the future disappointment everyone else seems to see. He just feels like himself.

It takes him a very long time to admit that he’s not fit for all the requirements of being ruler. He’s not ready for it and he doesn’t even want to be ready for it.

You listen to him, of course, and then you remind him that even though the two of you have mainly just played cards, you are still his wife. You swore an oath to love and protect him and you have no intention of breaking it.

That gets a smile out of him, and ends in him kissing you, giggling against your mouth every now and then because he’s finally accepted that he’s not alone in this expectation anymore.

Pretty soon the two of you work out what your dynamic is, and Aegon is genuinely so thankful to have you in his life. Because while yes, you most certainly help him and offer him advice and even tell him when he’s outright wrong, you never make him feel stupid. That’s the difference. He can ask you things and voice his frustrations because he knows you won’t belittle him for it. He’s happy to follow your advice because you don’t make him feel bad for needing advice.

You always treat him with love and care, always open your arms when he needs.

Once he’s crowned, he removes Allicent from the small council and adds you.

#sub!aegon #aegon targaryen x you #house of the dragon #aegon targaryen smut #aegon targaryen imagine #aegon smut #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon the second #king aegon #aegon ii targaryen #hotd aegon #aegon x reader #house of the dragon fanfiction #hotd

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javierpena-inatacvest · 9 months

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Chapter 18: Hole in None

Summary: During your bridal shower, Steve takes Javi golfing. When they return, the way Javi is acting has you questioning everything you knew about your relationship.

Word Count: 12.1K (getting back to my roots of a short chapter LMAO)

Warnings: SMUT(18+) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), oral (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink (if you squint?), makeup sex and getting caught (The Murphy's will never catch a break) ANGST (I'm so sorry!!), Hurt/comfort, Javi being super insecure, you being confused as hell, Steve being an absolute idiot

A/N: HELLO. IT'S ME! I DO EXSIST! I am genuinely SO sorry that this chapter has taken a million years to happen. December has been so busy and I have had no time to write, so I really, really appreciate all of your patience 🥺 This is a lil different than any other chapter we've had so far in the NTL universe, it's a lil angsty-er than normal but ya girl only believes in happy endings so don't fret!!! Also poorly beta'd bc I have the stomach flu and I am 100% there are mistakes in this chapter that I'm sure I missed 🫠

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

“Do I really have to do this? This thing hasn’t even started yet and I’m already exhausted.”

“Yes, Hermosa, I do think that most people do expect the bride to be at her own bridal shower.” Javi laughed, staring into the bathroom mirror as he ran his hands through the dark curls of his hair, fixing them into place as you stood next to him, finishing the rest of your longer than usual makeup routine to prepare for being the center of attention against your will for the next several hours.

It wasn’t that you weren’t grateful that your co-workers wanted to throw you a bridal shower before your wedding, now only a few weeks away- the sentiment of the whole thing was incredibly thoughtful. Your 3rd grade teammates had even found a way to get in touch with your family to make sure that your mom, aunts and cousins felt included in the event, too. You should have been thrilled about the fact that the people who loved you most in the world were coming together to celebrate your upcoming wedding and quite literally showering you with gifts, but if there was one thing you hated more than anything else, it was the social exhaustion that came from having a party planned for no one but you.

You had really tried to convince Maria, Estelle, Linda, and now, your mom that you didn’t need a bridal shower- your wedding was going to be small, and since you had already been living on your own, there weren’t a lot of things you needed as you started married life together. Unfortunately, neither of those arguments were going to stop those ladies from going all out for you, leaving you feeling like your bridal shower was turning out to be even bigger than your actual wedding.

“Don’t you think I could just get a cardboard cutout of myself and use that instead? All these ladies love to talk so much that I don’t think they would even know the difference.” You sighed, giving yourself a once over in the mirror before putting away the rest of your makeup as Javi snuck behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss into your shoulder as he pressed his chest against your back.

“I have a feeling that someone would notice.” Javi chuckled, a soft grin spreading across his face as your eyes met in the mirror, his smile and sweet eyes enough to calm your nerves for at least a moment. “I would definitely notice.”

“Well that’s easy for you to say, you don’t even have to be there.” You huffed, letting a little pout fall from your lips as Javi playfully shook you in his grasp, trying your best not to smile as you tried to keep up your unenthused facade. “It’s not too late to trade. You can go to the bridal shower and I can go golfing with you and Steve.”

Even though Javi had insisted he was more than happy to stay at the shower with you, Maria had insisted that Javi find another way to spend his time so the spotlight of the day could be on you, and not him being distractingly handsome to everyone else there. Lucky for Javi, that meant extra time to spend with Steve while Connie was at your shower- not so lucky for you that Maria had banished your future husband from attending an event for your own wedding.

“I honestly may have to take you up on that. Steve must have needed an ego boost when I let him pick what he wanted to do while you and Connie were at the shower because he knows I can’t golf for shit.” Javi’s overdramatic sigh and roll of his eyes was enough to make you break into a little giggle, turning your head enough to press a quick kiss onto his cheek before reaching your hand under his chin, giving his jaw a little jiggle. “It’ll go by fast, Osita, I promise. And then, when we get home,” he paused, pressing another kiss into your shoulder and up towards your neck, digging his fingers a little tighter into your sides as he rasped into your ear, “I’ll take as much time as you want to destress you.”

“As much time as I want? Bold of you to assume that the dog is gonna give us that long.” You snickered as a happy Bear trotted into your bathroom right on cue, his tail loudly thumping against the bathroom cabinets from his happy wags as he wedged himself between you and Javi.

The newest furry member of your household had been a well loved addition, but if there was one thing Bear had no concept of, it was privacy. Your dog had become a constant shadow to you and Javi anywhere and everywhere in your house, including your in your bedroom, even when you were, well, not sleeping. It hadn’t helped that Javi had already formed such a soft spot for Bear, and had let him on your bed from the moment he stepped foot into the apartment, and now, your dog and his clingy personality had become a new obstacle to try and navigate in your sex life.

“Someone needs to tell his dad that he’ll survive if he gets left out of the bedroom for a half hour, huh? That he’s adorable, but that he can be a little cockblock, can’t he?” Squatting down next to Bear, you wrapped your hands around his face, scratching behind his ears as you mockingly serenaded him, raising an eyebrow at Javi.

“He just sounds so sad when he whines and he’s trapped outside the door.” Javi grumbled, kneeling down to join you, patting Bear’s stomach, now much thicker and fuller than it was a few weeks ago after you had first brought him home, skinny and neglected from his lack of care from his previous owners.

“You say trapped like we're kicking him out to the streets when we close the door on him. He’s adorable and sweet, but he’s a dog, Jav, he’ll be okay.” You smirked, playfully scolding Javi as you peppered Bear’s head with kisses, making his tail thump even harder as it wagged back and forth. “Tell your dad you’ll be just fine, won’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Javi groaned, knowing damn well you were right, even though he couldn’t bring himself to admit he had become an absolute softie for your new dog. “Alright, Hermosa, we gotta get you to this shower before Maria yells at me for making you late.” Pushing his hands against his knees, Javi let out a little grunt as he pushed himself back up to stand, checking the time on the silver watch wrapped around his wrist.

“Wow, so eager to get rid of me, you must really be excited to go get your ass kicked in golf.” You teased, now following suit and straightening out your dress as you stood, throwing your arms around Javi’s neck, pressing up on your tiptoes to plant a little kiss on his lips. “Sure you don’t want me to golf for you?”

“I’m sure, you dork.”

After Javi had insisted on giving Bear more than his fair share of treats before the two of you left for the day, you were on the road to Maria’s, Javi insisting that he drop you off, instead of letting you take the treacherous 2 minute drive by yourself. As you drove down Maria’s street, you couldn’t help but smile at the memory of walking up to her house for an end of the school year party almost exactly a year ago. A party that had ultimately turned a handsome stranger from the Laredo Sheriff's department into your future husband, now sitting in the driver’s seat on the way to your bridal shower. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself at the irony, leaning your head over onto Javi’s broad shoulder as you pulled up to Maria’s house.

“What’s up, Osita?” Javi asked, a twinge of confusion in his voice at the content and calm of your demeanor as the two of you arrived at the event that you had been seemingly dreading for days.

“I just- It was probably a year ago to the day the last time that we were at Maria’s house. Crazy to think that a year later we’re getting married and here for my bridal shower. I don’t know, a year ago I never would have thought I would have met someone I love so much, let alone be getting married, building a house, owning a dog, I- I’m just really happy that the department made you come to do that stupid presentation. You’ve made this year the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you, Jav.”

A tender silence hung in the air as Javi leaned over the center console, gently bringing his palm to cup the side of your face, his thumb tracing circles along your cheek, letting his sweet brown eyes lock with yours as a soft smile spread across his face. “I love you too, Osita.” His words barely left his mouth above a whisper, bringing his lips to yours. The two of you could have stayed like this forever, lost in the moment of your love for each other, but unfortunately, the world had other plans.

“JAVIER. DIOS MIO. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER FOR 3 SECONDS?” Maria shouted, banging at the driver’s side window, the aggressive thumps of her hand against the glass making the two of you practically jump out of your skin.

“Jesus Fucking Christ….” Javi whispered, clutching his hand over his chest, trying to steady his heart rate back to normal, the two of you looking at each other in pure terror.

“If you’re going to drop her off and make a scene in my driveway, the least you can do is help an old woman out before you leave, Javier!” Maria demanded, still rapping her knuckles against the glass, the two of you trying to keep from dying of embarrassment as you exited out of the car.

“Sorry Maria…” The two of you grimaced, still trying to avoid direct eye contact with her before she decided to scold you more.

“Chucho is right, you two are no worse than a pair of teenagers. Come on, we only have an hour before everyone arrives and I need you and that wildly blonde haired boy to help me move chairs.” Shaking her head in disappointment, Maria was already halfway up the driveway and into the house as you and Javi trailed behind her, glancing at each other in confusion as to who she was referring to, until you noticed the Murphy’s car parked on the side of the street, realizing that Steve and Connie must have beaten you there.

Before you even had a chance to make it a foot into the house, you were greeted by an overbearing swarm of people rushing to say hello and give you a hug, already feeling overwhelmed 30 seconds into the start of your shower, and these were all people you knew. Your mom was the first to make her way through the crowd, squeezing you in a death grip hug, even though you had just seen her last night after picking her up from the airport and dropping her off at her hotel.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe the day is almost here! My baby girl is finally getting married! Ugh, you look beautiful sweetheart!” Your mom beamed, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before making her way over to Javi, squeezing him just as hard. “C’mere, don’t think that you get to escape hugs from me too, Javi.” Javi looked over at you, trying his best not to laugh at everyone’s dramatics, knowing how stressed you already were, and that no one’s overly excited attitude was doing you any favors.

“Ouch on the finally there, Mom. What do you need help with?” You asked, noticing that your mom had been holding on to Javi for a touch longer than what was probably appropriate while everyone else continued to hustle and bustle around Maria’s house.

“Does he always smell that good? God, I wished your father smelled like that, the man smells like a sweaty sock. Javi, what kind of cologne do you-”

“Mom! Jesus Christ.” You interjected, burying your hands in your face.

“Sorry, sorry! Honey, you don’t need to help with anything, it’s your shower!” Your mom swatted her hand at you, shaking her head in disbelief that you would ask to help, even though she knew better than anyone it was not in your nature to sit back on the sidelines and let other people do the work for you.

“Why don’t you come help me set up decorations?” A soft voice replied behind you, making you whip your head around as their hand rested on your shoulder.

“Connie!” You grinned, throwing her arms around her, relieved to find someone who wasn’t going to drive you absolutely crazy for the next hour of party prep. “It’s so good to see you, thank you so much for coming!”

“Hey, Sweetheart!” a lower voice grunted from behind a stack of folding chairs making its way to the backyard.

“Wow, Maria put you to work too, Steve? Yikes, she’s running a tight ship around here.” You and Connie snickered as Steve set down his stack of chairs, revealing his already sweaty and frustrated face, considering Maria had probably made him carry 6 trips worth of seats up and down the stairs since he and Connie had arrived.

“You’re tellin’ me. Hey, make yourself useful and pick up some of these chairs, lazy ass. Sooner we get this set up, the sooner I kick your butt at golf.” Steve smirked, gesturing over at Javi, still standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips.

“In that case, I’m taking one chair at a time.” Javi sighed, pressing a quick kiss to your temple in stride towards Steve, giving him a swift hug and a pat on the back before being interrupted by a shrill and demanding voice.

“JAVIER. I HEARD THAT. IF I DON’T SEE YOU WITH A STACK OF CHAIRS IN YOUR HANDS THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE OUTSIDE, IT’D BETTER BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.” Maria shouted from across the house, making everyone’s faces freeze in fear.

“You heard the woman. Chop, chop, Peña.” Steve chuckled to himself before passing off half of the chairs over to Javi, and walking towards the back of the house as Javi picked up his share, begrudgingly trailing behind Steve.

“Alright, we should probably get to work on decorations before Maria finds us standing around for too long. I know you’re the bride, but I have a feeling that holds very little value to her until everything is set up.” Connie shrugged, nodding towards the backyard where the shower was being held.

“You’re definitely right, and I would prefer to live through my bridal shower in order to make it to my actual wedding.”

With all of the helping hands around the house, and Maria’s commanding dictatorship over shower setup, all of you had finished with time to spare, leaving your mom and co-workers to happily chat and gossip amongst themselves as you and Connie found your way to say goodbye to Steve and Javi, one of whom was looking much more excited about departing for golf than the other.

“Have fun, ladies. Any last words for your future husband before I absolutely obliterate him on the golf course?” Steve snickered, giving Javi a soft punch on the shoulder.

“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi groaned, rolling his eyes as he braced himself for the next 3 hours of harassment from his former partner.

“Don’t be too hard on him, okay Steve? He gets grumpy when he loses, so just a reasonable amount of ass whooping, nothing too drastic.” You teased, now playfully punching on the other side of his arm, you, Steve, and Connie laughing to yourselves at Javi’s fed up frown.

“Says the one who literally pouted for hours after insisting we play "Sorry" and then she lost.” Javi smugly murmured, raising an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well someone wasn’t very sorry about it, were they… You know what, Steve? I changed my mind, go ahead and kick his ass for me.” A mischievous grin grew across your face, bursting out into giggles as Javi flung his arms around you, giving you a squeeze and shaking you in his grasp.

“Pendejo. Alright, you need anything else before I go get my ass kicked, Hermosa?” Javi asked, pressing a kiss into your hair. You were about to speak, but stopped yourself for a moment, looking Javi up and down, admiring how handsome he looked in the khakis and navy blue polo he had picked out this morning. You’d been so worried and worked up about the day that you hadn’t really had a chance to get a good look at him until now, and God, part of you wished you hadn’t taken the time to really take it all in as he stood next to you. You knew there was nothing you could really do about it now, but that wasn’t about to stop you from at least getting a little taste.

“Uh yeah, I uh- actually um, I uh, I scraped my finger earlier on one of the banners I was setting up and I think I got a papercut. I forgot to ask Maria about it earlier, but um, can you show me where the bandaids are upstairs again?” You tried your best to sound as casual as possible, but Javi knew just as well as you that there was no way in hell that you actually needed a bandaid. His brow scrunched in a slight confusion, head cocked to the side as if to say “I think I know where this is going and I’m not really sure it’s going to work” before giving you a little shrug, gesturing up towards the bathroom at the top of the stairwell, trying to keep his smug grin hidden between his lips.

“Yeah, I uh- here, let me show you where they are and I can get you one before we go.” Before Steve or Connie could even muster a word in protest, Javi was already dragging you halfway up the stairs, barely letting you make it to the top of the stairway before closing the bathroom door behind you.

“Band Aid, really? That was the best you could come up with?” Javi laughed under his breath, letting his hands roam down your sides and under the hem of your dress as his fingers dug into the meat of your ass, the heat of his breath tickling your skin where his lips met your neck, gently sucking at your pulse point, making a tiny moan escape from your mouth.

“I needed to come up with something to get you alone for long enough to give you a proper goodbye before you left.”

“And a Band Aid was the way to do that?”

“Oh shut up.” You giggled, draping your arms over Javi’s neck, letting your hands roam through the curls at the nape of his neck before pulling him in tighter to let his lips crash into yours with an electric intensity, his fingertips gripping deeper into your flesh.

“I don’t think-” Javi muttered between kisses, “I don’t think a bandaid is gonna buy us enough time to do anything, Hermosa.”

“I know. I just needed this. Just needed to kiss your stupidly handsome face. I needed something before you left me to fend for myself. Plus,” you paused, pulling back to see the lovestruck grin spread between Javi’s cheeks, “only fair that I get a chance to recreate our first kiss.” You snickered, gesturing to the interior of Maria’s bathroom, where you had found yourself with Javi almost a year ago to the day, your lips meeting for the first time as you sat on the ledge of the sink after Javi had came to your aid when a shattered beer bottle had landed in your leg.

“Fuck, I forgot our first kiss was in Maria’s bathroom. Real fucking smooth of me, huh?” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes at his past self for letting your first kiss be in the bathroom of his Mom’s best friend’s house.

“Smooth enough for me to wanna marry you, so I guess it all worked out okay, didn’t it?” You teased, planting one last kiss on his lips before shooting him a wink and slipping out the bathroom, your face warm and tingly from the rush of excitement tucked away with Javi in your impromptu makeout session. Javi ran his hand over his face, taking a moment to try and compose himself, shaking his head to himself in shock and delight at how he found himself falling more and more in love with you every day.

“Okay, uh- sorry, sorry about that. Just didn’t wanna have to bother Maria for anything.” You sighed, darting your eyes away from Steve and Connie, their arms crossed against their chest with almost comically smug smirks on their faces as they watched you shuffle back down the stairs, Javi reluctantly trailing behind you.

“Yeah? How’d that bandaid work out for ya?” Steve smiled with a shit eating grin, nodding to your hands, neither of them with a bandaid anywhere in sight. You let out a gulp, trying to quickly tuck your hands behind your back, your cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. “Goddamn, you two gonna make it 3 hours without touching each other, or am I gonna have to bring him back here after hole 4 for a mid-round makeout?”

“Jesus Christ, Murph, really?.” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Bye, love you. Have fun and I’ll see you soon.” Leaned over, snaking his arm around your waist to plant one last kiss in your hair.

“Not soon enough, apparently…”

“Murphy…”

“Stop makin’ out and I’ll stop givin’ you shit.”

“Touche…” You muttered under your breath, just loud enough to make the 4 of you burst into laughter, easing the uncomfortable tension that you had brought upon yourself from your antics. “Love you too, have fun getting your ass kicked.”

“Yes, yes, out, out, out! It’s only 10 minutes until guests arrive and your truck is taking up all the room in the driveway! Out!” Stampeding into the living room, Maria waved her hands at the boys, quite literally shooing them out of the house after overhearing your goodbyes. Giving a quick wave to Javi as Maria kicked him and Steve to the curb, you caught Javi’s head whipping around for one last glance at you before you left, giving you a once over with his eyes and a soft smile on his face as the front door shut behind him.

Truth be told, your shower ended up being way less painful than you expected it would be. In all honesty, it was actually somewhat enjoyable. The fact that your mom, co-workers, and Connie had put into helping everyone come together to celebrate you filled your heart with so much more joy than you could have predicted- your friends and family had bought you and Javi so many more gifts than you knew what to do with, had so many kind things to say about the two of you, and Connie had even gone out of her way to make sure that there were fun games planned for everyone to keep the need for constant socialization at bay. It really had ended up being a fun afternoon, even if it meant having to answer the same questions about your wedding, house and honeymoon plans more times than you could count.

Javi, on the other hand, could not have been having a worse time on the golf course, getting his ass thoroughly handed to him by Steve hole after hole, wondering to himself how anyone could bring themself to genuinely enjoy the torture that had been the past two and a half hours of hacking his club into chunks of grass and loosing his golf balls in the brush. The only consoling factor was that Javi was grateful to spend time with Steve, even if it meant being berated by endless questions from him on top of his painful performance while he played.

“You feelin’ ready for the big day?” Steve grunted, after smacking his driver against his ball from the tee box, Javi relieved that the pair were finally on the 9th and final hole.

“Yeah, I mean- Oh fuck me-” Javi grumbled, hitting his club and watching his ball fly into a patch of trees, the opposite direction of where he was trying to aim for, “I still can’t believe I’m getting married.”

“You and me both, Jav. I never thought I’d live to see the fuckin’ day, that’s for damn sure. Javier Peña, a married man.” Steve chuckled, slipping his club into his golf bag as Javi followed behind, grabbing what must have been the 57th golf ball from his bag this round.

“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi chuckled, shaking his head at his friends’ jab, the two of them hopping into the golf cart together to try and scavenge for Javi’s long lost ball.

“I’m just given’ you shit, Jav. I’m fuckin’ happy for you man. Really happy. She’s a great girl. Best thing that’s ever happened to your sorry ass, I’ll tell you that much. Guess you don’t have to worry about really followin’ through this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re actually gonna get married this time? You’re not leavin’ her at the altar like Lorraine, huh?” As Steve laughed to himself, Javi could practically feel his stomach drop, his heart beginning to race as a wave of terrible guilt and panic washed over him at his friend’s ironic question.

To his own shock and surprise, Javi hadn’t thought about his last lack of a wedding once since the two of you had gotten engaged. He had been so head over heels excited to spend the rest of his life with you, that the failures of his past engagement had been tucked far away in the back of his mind. But then again, no one had been so gracious as to bring up the knife to the chest that was leaving Lorraine at the altar, and no one had been so gracious as to bring it up in classic Steve Murphy fashion.

Javi could audibly hear himself gulp, his heartbeat pounding so loud he could hear it ringing in his ears as the terrible reality of the past he had so glady forgotten about met him in a head on collision, instantly re-opening all of the cuts and wounds he had finally managed to sew together.

The last time he almost got married, Javier Peña had astronomically fucked up the lives of every last person who cared about him, leaving nothing but chaos and heartbreak in his wake.

Rationally, Javi could tell himself that his upcoming wedding was the polar opposite of everything that was once planned between him and Lorraine. Javi couldn’t have cared less about Lorraine. From the moment he had wearily accepted his fate, he had dreaded every moment of his future from that point on. But you were not Lorraine.

Javi loved you.

Javi cared about you.

Javi wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you and give you everything in the world you could possibly want.

But, one mention of that 8 letter name had Javi’s brain flooding with every single doubt, regret, and painful memory of his past that he had fought so hard to forget. It had his mind reeling with every uncomfortable feeling of remembering the man he had been before you had come into his life and changed him for the better. He knew he was a better man. A stronger man. A man who was worthy of the love and compassion you had shown him from the moment you two had met.

Or was he?

“Earth to Javi? Hello? Anyone home?” Waving his hand in front of Javi’s face, Steve stared at Javi in confusion as to why it seemed like his friend had suddenly become lost in his own world as they pulled up to the patch of trees where his ball had most likely landed.

“Uh yeah, uh- what, sorry, um, what did you say?” Javi asked, visibly trying to shake the thoughts from his head, painfully scrunching his face and running his hand through his hair before looking back over at Steve.

“I asked if you were gonna go get the ball or if you just wanted to add to your +200 score and drop one here instead. Hey, you okay, man?” Steve questioned, pausing for a moment before asking the later half of his statement, seeing the color flushed from Javi’s face.

“Uh, yeah- Yeah, sorry, I just, I’m good. I’ll um, I’ll just drop a ball.” Javi muttered half to himself as he stepped out of the cart, barely paying attention enough to even remember what in the world he was even looking for in his golf bag.

If Javi wasn’t already thankful to be on the last hole before Steve’s comment, he sure as hell was now, mindlessly whacking his golf club with no regard as to how his ball made it to the green. Any thoughts about golf, let alone any previous attempts to even try to play well had now flown out the window, creeping thoughts of self doubt and resentment crawling through Javi’s mind. The rest of the round and the entire car ride back to Maria’s were spent in an internal battle ranging in Javi’s brain, the fight between the man he used to be and the man he’d thought he’d become rearing its ugly head with a painful intensity that absolutely felt like it was consuming him whole.

Steve, who was just as oblivious to his friend’s distraught state as he was to the idiocracy of his sarcastic question, had chalked Javi’s quiet and somber mood up to being an overly sore loser after getting mercilessly crushed at golf. Little did he know that his one silly comment had sent Javi spiraling down a trail of crushing self-doubt.

As the pair pulled into the driveway and made their way to the backyard where a few straggling party goers still lingered, trying to monopolize their time with you to get the details of your upcoming plans for the future. Being the attentive and patient person that you were, you were trying your hardest to seem enthused and engaged with in the conversation with who you thought was Javi’s Aunt’s Cousin (at this point, you had been introduced to so many new people, you were questioning your own name), but it wasn’t long before your future husband’s big, broad body entering the backyard had you more than distracted, your face instantly lighting up at the sight of him. Peeking over his Aunt’s cousin (or cousin’s aunt, you weren’t really sure) shoulder, you bit down on your lip to try and contain your excitement, letting a little wave shake from your hand in his direction.

Javi wished that your sweet smile and beautiful self were enough to snap him out of his funk, to see how you beamed in excitement just at the sight of him and shot him that lovestruck look he’d never get sick of- but for some twisted reason, it only made him feel worse.

You were everything- kind, smart, funny, the most breathtaking woman he’d ever seen. But what was he? Tired? Broken? A shitty guy who had done even shitter things, who had left nothing but destruction in his path for years and years, with no regard for who it hurt, or even worse, left for dead? How was he supposed to give you everything you deserved when he sure as fuck didn’t deserve you?

Before you had even said a word to him, you could already sense something was off about Javi’s demeanor that was due to more than just losing to Steve in golf. Even from across the backyard, his forced smile and tired brown eyes had a worried pit swirling in the bottom of your stomach, politely excusing yourself from your conversation to make your way over to Javi.

“Hi! You guys have fun at golf? Steve didn’t kick your ass too bad?” You grinned, wrapping your arms around Javi’s waist, pressing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his lips, his mouth barely ghosting over yours in return.

“Yeah, it was um- yeah, it was fine.” Javi nodded, trying to make a smile appear between his pursed lips. “How was the shower? You uh, you ready for Steve and I to start putting things in the truck to bring over to the new house?”

You immediately frowned in response, cocking your head in confusion at him. “Yeah, it was great, but hey, are- are you okay? You seem really off, like more than just Steve kicking your ass at golf off. Did something happen?”

“No, I’m- yeah, I’m good, Hermosa.” Javi’s eyes darted towards the ground, trying his best to stifle his sigh before another fake smile spread across his face, his response making you even more concerned than you were before, seeing he was clearly lying to you. As much as you wanted to problem solve right then and there to figure out what had Javi so distressed, the calls of one of the last groups of party goers wanting to say their goodbyes rang across the backyard, you flashing them a quick smile and a wave to signal you’d be over in a second. Before you could try and get anything else out of Javi, he had already backed himself away from your hands still tangled around his waist, nodding towards the group of women who were not so patiently waiting for you. “Go say goodbye, I’ll start loading stuff up.”

“Um, I- uh, yeah, o-okay. Thanks.” You murmured, half to yourself, as Javi had already begun to walk away to find Steve to help him start carrying things out to the car, leaving you more anxious and confused with every passing second.

With goodbyes finished, and decor and party setup cleaned up just as fast as Maria had demanded it to be put up, you and Javi made your way to your now packed car, followed by Connie and Steve, who had asked to see the progress on your new house while they were in town. You figured you’d kill two birds with one stone, inviting them over and having them help to unload gifts in the same trip, but now, given the strangely somber mood that Javi couldn’t seem to shake, you really wished it was just the two of you so you could figure out what the hell was going on.

You and Javi piled into his truck, Steve and Connie hopping into theirs and following you down Maria’s street towards your new house. A stark silence filled the car, praying to yourself that maybe Javi just wanted to be alone before he said anything about his current state, but 5 minutes down the road without a single word falling from his lips, you had a devastating feeling that wasn’t going to be the case.

Your leg bounced against the seat, fingers nervously drumming in your lap, letting out a quiet sigh to yourself before looking over at Javi and mustering up the courage to try and interrogate.

“Sooooo, golf was fun? I love ya, but I think it’s probably safe to assume Steve won?” You quietly snickered, trying your best to stay nonchalant.

“Yeah, it was good, Steve won, but that’s no surprise because I suck at golf.” Javi mumbled to himself, barely glancing your direction from behind the yellow tinted aviators perched on the bridge of his nose. Normally, if either of you had something that self-deprecating to say, it was at least followed by some sort of a joke or laugh, but his comment ended with nothing but a stoic silence as his hands gripped tighter around the steering wheel.

“Hey, babe, it’s okay, you don’t ever golf, so it’s hard to expect yourself to be good at something you rarely ever do.” You reached over to grab his arm to reassure him, that unsettling and anxious pit beginning to grow in your stomach again with the way Javi was acting. All he could muster was a half hearted huff in response, signaling to you that whatever was happening was much bigger than a poor game of golf.

“Javi… Baby, what’s going on? Did something happen with Steve?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s clearly not nothing, Jav. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I told you, it’s fine.”

“Javi, it obviously isn’t fine if this is the way you’re acting about it. Why won’t you talk to me about it? I just wanna-”

“I told you, it’s fine, okay!? Jesus, I don’t need you to solve all my problems.”

Oh.

You and Javi had been in arguments before, hell, you’d been in fights before, but never once in the time that you’d known him, had Javi snapped at you like this. You could practically feel yourself recoiling in your seat from the harsh tone of his voice, fighting back the tears that had instantly begun welling in your eyes. You could feel your heart in your throat, choking down a heavy gulp as your lip quivered to try and keep from crying.

What had gone so wrong that Javi was acting like this?

You wish you had it in you to dig it out of him, but as you pulled up the driveway of your new home, Steve and Connie right behind you, ready for a tour, the best you could muster was a quiet, “O-okay.” As soon as the car was in park, Javi was unbuckling his seatbelt and slamming the door behind him, leaving you behind in the car, trying everything in your power to not become a startled, sobbing mess.

Wiping away the wetness pooling behind your eyelids, you swiped the back of your hand against your cheeks, taking a few deep breaths before following behind, mustering up as much courage as you could to keep your cool for however long Steve and Connie were planning to stick around before heading back to San Antonio.

You had hoped that Steve and Connie hadn't picked up on the palpable tension brewing between you and Javi, trying your best to put on a brave face as you paraded the Murphy’s through your nearly completed house. To be quite honest, you couldn’t have recalled anything that had happened in the time that they were there, your mind racing in torment as you watched Javi brood around your new home, barely saying a word to you, let alone make any eye contact, or look in your general direction.

As the four of you made your way upstairs, your attention was finally caught by the low lull of Steve’s laughter as he situated himself between you and Javi, grabbing you both by the shoulders and shaking you in his grasp.

“Well I’ll be damned. Y’all got enough rooms up here to house half a baseball team! You want that many kids driving ya nuts, huh?” Steve chuckled, making his way down the hallway, peeking into the empty bedrooms of your 2nd story.

“Steve!” Connie scolded, slapping the back of her hand against Steve’s stomach for his comment.

“What?! I’m just sayin’! I thought y’all would want like, 2, but there’s enough room for way more than that. I mean, I guess you two are fuckin’ goin’ at it like rabbits all the time, so I can’t really be shocked.”

“Steven Edward Murphy! Jesus Christ!” Connie snapped, shooting Steve a dangerous glare, aggressively raising an eyebrow at her husband as she gestured towards you and Javi.

“No, it’s okay, we don’t know for sure how many we want, but we figured if we had the space we’d add the rooms and even if they’re not bedrooms, they’ll still get used.” You had it in you enough to force a half smile across your face, flashing it at Steve and Connie before looking over at Javi.

While you hadn’t expected much of a response from him given the current situation, what you weren’t expecting was the panic stricken look painting Javi from head to toe.

If you weren’t already worried out of your mind about what the fuck was going on with Javi, you sure as fuck were now.

“Uh, I um- yeah.”

Those were the only words Javi was able to choke out through the audible thumps pounding in his chest as his face went ghost white, eyes peeled to the ground.

“See, Steve? You’re making them uncomfortable! You have absolutely no filter, I swear! I’m so sorry, you guys!” Connie frantically apologized, giving Steve another hardy slap in the stomach, making him wince.

“I’m just jokin’, Jesus Christ, sorry!” Steve grumbled, holding up his hands in defense from his wife’s accusation, sheepishly looking over at you and Javi with a little shrug.

“No, it’s uh- no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You had given up on trying to be convincing at this point, your voice quietly shaking as you stared at Javi, now looking like a terrified, ragged shell of himself.

What the fuck was going on? Did Javi want to wait to have kids? Did he not want to have that many? Was he having second thoughts about kids all together? Fuck, was he having second thoughts about getting married? He’s literally never acted like this before. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You were sure at this point, you probably looked just as much of a mess as Javi did, letting your thoughts race wildly throughout your brain, the silence now lingering between the four of you now seemed to feel deafening, Connie beginning to pick up on the uneasiness festering between you and Javi and knowing she had enough common sense for her and Steve to pick up her cue to see herself out.

“Well, still, I’m sorry. We should probably get going anyways, we told the sitter we’d be back around 6 so we should probably hit the road. Thank you so much for the tour! The shower was beautiful and I’m so glad I could be there for it. We’ll see you guys for the big day soon! Just let me know if you need any help with wedding stuff between now and then okay?”

“Uh yeah, yeah of course. Thanks for all your help, Con. I’ll um- I’ll let you know if we need anything.” You stammered as Connie pulled you in for a hug goodbye, followed quickly by Steve, who planted a few pats on your back mid hug.

“Bye sweetheart, thanks for letting me steal this asshole for golf today. See y’all when you’re gettin’ ready to get hitched! Adios, loser.” Steve chuckled as he pulled away from your hug to tug Javi into another, giving him an even harder pat on the back before letting Connie say her goodbyes as well.

“Do you want me to walk you guys down to your-”

“Nah, we’ll find our way out, no worries. Bye lovebirds, see ya soon.” Steve grinned, giving the both of you one last wave farewell before disappearing down the stairs, their hushed bickers about Steve’s unnecessary comments quietly trailing behind them. Before you could even get a word out to Javi now that the two of you were alone, he was already halfway down the stairs behind the Murphy’s, not even bothering to look back at you as he mumbled under his breath.

“I’m gonna get the gifts out of the car and go sit outside.”

“Jav, wait, I-”

You could feel the lump beginning to swell in your throat, your bottom lip trembling with tears welling in your eyes as you watched Javi storm down the stairs without even so much as an attempt to care about what you had to say, leaving you with nothing but yourself and 5 empty bedrooms that now had you questioning everything you thought you knew about your future with Javi. You felt your body begin to collapse like a sad pile of jello as you melted into a sobbing puddle on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest as you cried into the flowy fabric of your dress, leaving wet stains behind from your tears. Your breaths were rapid and shaky with each muffled sob, trying to rationally grasp on to something, anything, as to why Javi was acting this way. But the more the gears frantically turned in your brain, the more irrational and terrifying your thoughts became.

This all happened so fucking fast. It’s only been a year since I’ve known him. Is he realizing it’s too much? Am I too much? This was all too fucking good to be true, wasn’t it, you fucking idiot.

Taking a few more minutes to collect yourself enough to at least stop full on sobbing, you wiped your wet cheeks with the back of your palm, inhaling a trembling deep breath as you mustered up every ounce of courage you could find to face whatever fate was waiting for you downstairs with Javi.

Each step down the stairs felt heavier than the last, leaving your fingers anxiously drumming against your legs as you saw Javi’s broad body hunched over the side of the unfinished back patio, staring out to the tall grass of your backyard swaying in the warm summer breeze. If it were any other time, you would have rushed up behind him, wrapping your body around his back and attacking him with kisses until the two of you were wound up in a fit of laughter and giggles, happily tangled in each other's bodies.

Right now, you were terrified to even step too close to him.

Carefully and quietly sliding open the glass door to the porch, you prayed with every bone in your body you weren’t going to do anything that set Javi off enough to even let you attempt to have a conversation with him about what was going on. The new wood softly creaked under your shoes, making Javi turn his head just enough to acknowledge your presence as you wearily approached him. Taking one more deep breath, you opened your mouth to speak, but with your jaw hanging open, Javi’s words filled the stark silence before yours could.

“I don’t know if we should get married.”

Fuck.

You could practically feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach, like the weight of 1,000 bricks had been dropped on your body all at once, hearing that come out of his mouth. You could have mentally tried to brace yourself for a lot of things, but hearing Javi tell you he didn't want to get married anymore sure as hell wasn't one of them.

“Javi, I- baby, what- I don’t- I don’t-”

“Why the fuck do you even wanna marry me?”

Your brows scrunched in pain and confusion at the sharp tone of his words, desperate to try and understand what point he was trying to prove in this gut wrenching game he seemed to be playing.

“Because I- Javi, I- Javi I love you, that’s why.” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you sat down next to him on the edge of the porch, leaning over enough to see the tears glistening down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy as he tried to stifle the sobs rumbling in his chest. He shook his head back and forth before his gaze fell into his lap.

“You shouldn’t love me.”

“Javi… what the fuck are you talking about?” you plead, feeling the pain and hurt creeping through your body as you watched the tears he was so desperately trying to fight. With a scornful scoff, Javi shook his head, pressing against his knees to stand, taking a few paces around the porch, burying his hands in his face, his words muffled and muted by his palms covering his mouth.

“What the fuck am I- I’m not- I’m not what you deserve. I don’t understand how you don’t fucking see that.”

You followed suit, bringing yourself to stand with your arms crossed tightly across your chest, staring at Javi in bewilderment, biting down on your tongue so hard to keep from bursting into tears you thought you were going to make it bleed. You could feel the storm of pain, anger and confusion brewing deep in the pit of your stomach, your body numb and mind blank.

“Javier. What the fuck is going on? I don’t understand why-”

“Because last time I was gonna get married I fucked up everything. For everyone. I hurt everyone I cared about. I went half way around the world and I spent a decade fucking things up even more. How do you know I’m not gonna fuck everything up again? I love you too much to let it happen to you. The thought of ever hurting you even half as I much as I’ve hurt anyone else because of my choices fucking kills me. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you like I’ve hurt everyone else. I’d never fucking forgive myself. I love you more than anything, Osita. I love you more than anything in the world. You deserve someone who isn’t going to hurt you. Someone who will do right by you, by your family, your future children, I just- fuck- I don’t think that person can be me.”

A deafening silence hung in the air as you stared blankly at Javi, tears streaming from his tormented brown eyes, his body trembling with devastation and regret. You had no doubt your body mirrored his as the guilt and heartbreak flooded you from head to toe, wondering how in the world you had ever let the man you loved and cared about more than anything feel like he wasn’t enough for you.

You wished you could speak- to find the words to tell him that he was your everything, the glue that had put you back together when you were convinced there was nothing else that could mend the broken mess that you had become. You wished you could express to him that there was no one on the face of this earth that you would rather spend the rest of your life with than him- that there was no one else you wanted by your side through every moment of your life, the good, the bad and the ugly, more than him. You wished there was a way to tell him that you loved him more than anything, but in that moment, all you could do was grab him and wrap your arms around his waist, squeezing him as tightly as your body would let you, letting your wet face rest against the familiar warmth of his chest as you whispered into the soft fabric of his shirt.

“Javier Peña, you’re the only person it could be.”

You could feel his chest begin to rumble with heavy sobs as his arms draped around you, pulling you against his body so closely, it was like his life depended on it, like he couldn’t bear the thought of ever letting you go again. One arm stayed wrapped around your back as the other slid up the back of your neck, his broad palm cradling your head in his grasp, his fingers practically digging into your skin to keep you close as the two of you let yourselves do nothing but hold each other in your teary silence.

You let one of your hands reach up towards Javi’s face, cupping his jaw and forcing his gaze back on to you, as your thumb traced back and forth along his cheek, wiping away the wetness that had been welling in his eyes.

“I need you to listen to me, okay?” You asked, waiting until you felt Javi’s head gently nod up and down in understanding in your palm before you continued, “The man you were before doesn’t scare me. If it did, I would have been gone a long time ago. The man you were before has turned you into the man that you’ve become. The man that I want to spend everyday with for the rest of my life. Every good day, every bad day, every painful, hard and shitty day, and every day in between. And I promise that I will spend every last one of those days until the day I die trying my best to convince you that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And if I die trying, then so be it. I love you, Javi. Don’t you ever think for a second that there is anyone out there that I want to spend the rest of my life with more than you, and I won’t ever let you forget it.”

It was only moments before both of Javi’s hands were cradling your face, gently trembling as they cupped your soft, wet skin as you locked eyes with his, watching his face shift from terrified to bewildered, thinking he must have misheard what you had just said to him.

“Osita, I-”

“Promise me.”

“Promise you what?”

“Promise me that you believe me. Promise me that you know I love you more than anything.”

There was a part of Javi’s brain that wished he could find something to prove that he couldn’t. To prove he wasn’t worthy of keeping the promise you had made to him. To convince himself that he had no reason to believe he was worthy of the love you had given him.

But the truth was, for the first time that he could remember, as he looked down at you, the woman who had taken his life and forever changed it for the better, who had helped to heal him in ways he didn’t know he needed, who had cared for him in ways he never thought he deserved, and who had stood by him even as you learned about the ugliest parts of him he never thought he’d forgive himself for, Javier Peña finally realized he had learned what it was like to be worthy of love.

You had made him realize he was worthy of being loved.

A small gulp slid down his throat between his shaky breaths, taking a moment to soak in everything about you, before letting his lips ghost across yours as a quiet whisper left his mouth.

“I promise.”

And just like that, his lips crashed into yours with a ferocious and tender passion, soaking in every ounce of the sweet flavor of you, a taste he knew he would never tire of, one that he craved like nothing else.

“I love you, Osita. Fuck, I love you so much.” Javi moaned between your kisses, praying with every bone in his body you knew how much he meant it.

“I love you too, Javi.” The hot breath of your words danced across his lips before they were crashing together once again, his tongue swiping between your parted mouths as he ran his hand down your back and around your waist, pulling you so close you were convinced your bodies were going to melt into one as you pressed against his broad chest, now needily grasping at fist fulls of his shirt.

In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how much you loved them. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how hopelessly he craved you, too.

With your bodies still tangled together, your kisses became messier and sloppier as you backed your way towards the door that lead inside, stumbling and trampling over each other’s feet without any regard for where you were headed until you felt your back bump against the kitchen island, the rounded edges of the countertop stopping you in your tracks as Javi caged you between his broad figure and the island.

Both of your hands were now feverishly roaming across each other’s bodies before Javi had run his hands down your thighs, hoisting you up to sit on the countertop, planting hot, wet kisses across your neck and collarbone while his fingers crept under the hem of your dress, his palms sliding up and down your legs, digging his fingers into your flesh.

“Javi…” You whimpered, letting your eyes close and head fall back as he sucked at your pulse point, leaving you with one hand bracing yourself against the edge of the counter and the other with your fingers wrapped around the navy fabric of Javi’s shirt, clinging on for dear life.

You eyes opened, and gaze shifted downwards as you felt Javi pull away from your grasp, watching him drop to his knees, slotting himself between your parted legs and kissing the inside of your thighs while his hands tugged at the waistband of your already soaked underwear, hastily shuffling them to fall down your legs and pool at your ankles. His needy kisses up your thighs crept closer and closer to your core as your legs draped over his shoulders, kneeling before you like you were the altar of everything he worshiped as his deep brown eyes looked up at yours, like he was begging for forgiveness for his sins.

“I’m so sorry, Osita. I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. Fuck, I love you so much. Let me show me how much I love you. Please, baby. Please let me show you how much I need to be yours.”

Your response was nothing but a ragged moan as you felt his hot breath hovering over your cunt before letting long, flat licks of his tongue drag through your folds, each swipe pressing firmer than the last, lapping up the arousal dripping from your entrance like a sweet nectar. With one hand still white knuckling the edge of the countertop, the other shot down to bury itself in the dark curls of Javi’s thick locks, tugging at ends to find some place to ease your tension as he began to flick and swirl his tongue relentlessly against your clit, lapping you up like a man starved.

“Oh fuck Javi- fuck- you feel so good, baby.” You moaned, raking your fingers along Javi’s scalp as you watched his head bob nestled between your legs, feeling the low hum of satisfaction thrumming in his throat as he began to suck your sensitive bundle of nerves, latching his lips around your clit as his mouth worked feverishly against your cunt. You could already feel the tingle beginning to grow at the base of your spine and spread to your legs as Javi found every sweet spot that he knew made you lose all control, desperate to make you feel how much he needed your love and forgiveness.

“That’s it, sweet girl. Let go for me baby, I’ve got you.” Javi hummed before diving back between your legs, tightening his grip around your thighs as his tongue danced around your clit relentlessly. It wasn’t long before you could feel your orgasm begin to flood your body, pleasure crashing through you as you cried out his name, a death grip clutching around the counter and Javi’s dark locks. Javi worked you through your high, drinking up the juices of your slick as you came, feeling your legs tremble as they stayed slung over his broad shoulders, not stopping until your body was shaking and your whimpers and moans had become so wrecked, he had no choice but to stop to relish in the blissed out, dripping mess he had made you. He would have loved to stay like this forever, watching you become more and more wrecked beneath his tongue, the want, no, need, to be buried inside your heat, getting lost in your wetness and warmth, savoring in the way no one else would ever be able to have you like he did, to know that you were his.

Javi worked in a determined silence, rusting with his belt buckle until the metal clangs of it opening had his pants and boxers in a puddle around his ankles, splaying kisses across your neck as he slid you towards the edge of the counter, his fingers digging into your hips with a bruising intensity. He stroked himself a few times as he lined his cock up with your entrance, guiding his tip through the glistening arousal covering your folds, leaving his dick shiny with your slick as you whimpered into his skin.

“Javi… Please, baby. I need you.” You whimpered, instinctively bucking your hips towards him, desperately craving him to ease the achy emptiness between your legs.

Resting his forehead against yours, the dark, damp curls of his hair brushed your skin, the hot and heavy heat of each of your shaky breaths melting into one another’s as your lips ghosted his, only fully meeting yours to catch the moan that had escaped your mouth as he pushed himself into your heat, letting himself bottom out, his tip brushing against your cervix. You couldn’t help but wrap your legs around the small of his back and drape your arms over his shoulders, desperate to have your bodies needily tangled and intertwined together as you savored in the sweet sting and stretch of his fullness.

He began to rock his hips, letting his cock drag in and out of your cunt, taking his time with each stroke, the movement making you dig your fingernails into the fabric of his shirt stretched over his muscular back, in turn, making the grip he had around your waist even tighter, his fingers buried in the soft flesh of your stomach where his hands had crept under your dress.

The way he punched up into you, perfectly pounding against your g-spot with each thrust, combined with the way the hairs at his base rubbed along your clit, already had the inevitable coil beginning to tighten in your belly. You dug your nails deeper into Javi’s skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him.

Each stroke seemed to become deeper and fuller than the last, Javi’s pace now climbing in speed and intensity as he felt your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, knowing that familiar feeling meant you were coming closer to your end. You could barely muster anything but a whimper, your soft pleads and begs going straight to his dick as he slid and out of your wet heat.

“Fuck baby, don’t stop- ahhhh- please don’t stop, I’m so close.”

The lewd sounds of skin hitting skin and low, ragged moans echoed against the bare walls of your unfinished kitchen as Javi fucked deeper and deeper into you, singing sweet, soft praises against your skin between locking your lips with yours.

“Fuck- Dámelo, Hermosa (Give it to me, beautiful). Need to feel you soak my cock before I fuck you full of me. It’s okay mi amor- mierda- té tengo. (my love- shit- I’ve got you.) I’ve always got you. Forever.”

You could feel your legs lock even tighter around Javi’s waist as heat began to bloom in your belly, only needing a few more thrusts as you rolled your hips against his before your mind went blank and vision went white, your orgasm crashing through your body and flooding every inch of you with pleasure so intense, you could feel yourself going limp in his grasp.

“Fuck, Javi, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god-ahhhhhhhh-” You whimpered as Javi fucked you through your high, now desperate to chase his own as his thrusts became rushed and sloppy, pounding into you as your walls gripped around his cock like a vice. Your warmth and wetness consumed him, only needing a few more pumps before he could feel himself following suit, hissing through gritted teeth as incoherent babbles spilled from his lips.

“There it is, baby. Fuck- fuck, you’re so fucking perfect. I love you so much, Osita. Con todo mi corazón. (With my whole heart). Oh fuck- I’m yours forever. Oh shit, I’m gonna cum to, oh fuckkkkkk.”

With one last thrust, Javi finished buried deep inside you, hot ropes of his cum coating your walls as a slick mixture of spend leaked down your thighs, leaving him panting while he slumped into your shoulder, his chest heaving with labored breaths, trying to compose himself. Bracing himself with one palm flat against the counter next to your hip, his other hand reached up to your face, brushing away a piece of stray hair back into place before gently cupping your cheek as he spoke.

“Osita, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I didn’t mean what I said earlier, I just- fuck- I’ve never been so sure of anything, but when we were at golf today, Steve brought up Lorraine, and I- I just was so scared I was gonna fuck everything up again, and I-”

“Oh God, he brought up Lorraine?! Jesus. I knew it. I knew this was Steve’s fucking fault.” You sighed, quietly laughing to yourself as you shook your head.

“Wait, how did you-”

“Because it just seemed so strange that you were acting like this all of a sudden. You got back from golfing with him and it was like you were a different person. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I was freaked out and panicking wondering what happened because you’ve never acted like that before. That, and because I love Steve, but he’s an idiot.” The two of you were both now laughing, Javi rubbing his hand over his face before rolling his eyes, wondering to himself how he had really let his friend’s stupid comment get the best of him.

“I’m so sorry, Osita. I should have just ignored it, I just hadn’t thought about it in so long and I was so terrified to mess everything up again. It would kill me to hurt you like that.” His thumb circled around your cheek as he tilted your gaze to meet his, sincerity and remorse swirling in the dark pools of his chocolate brown eyes.

“Javi, listen, if this is moving too fast, or it’s too much for you, I want you to be able to tell me, I understand if-” Before you could finish your sentence, Javi’s lips were planted tenderly against yours, pulling away from your mouth with a goofy grin and satisfied sigh.

“I promise you, I’ve never wanted anything more. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to marry you,” he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek, “I can’t wait to live in our new house with you,” he grinned, planting another ticklish kiss on your neck, “I can’t wait until we can finally start filling up these empty rooms with little baby Peñas” Javi chuckled, now peppering kisses all over your body, making you erupt in a fit of laughter and giggles, squirming and flailing in his grasp, playfully swatting at him. “I can’t wait to spend every day for the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He smirked, tilting his head to let your mouths meet again, this kiss filled with a tender passion and intensity unmatched by his previous playful ones.

It was the kind of kiss that said all of the things that words couldn’t. The kind of kiss that had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like the first kiss you had shared in Maria’s bathroom almost a year ago. The kind of kiss that made you fall even deeper in love with him, even when you thought you couldn’t.

It was also the kind of kiss where everything else in the world seemed to melt away and make time stand still, a kiss that you could have stayed lost in forever… unless a certain someone hadn’t forgotten his wallet at your house and needed to come back and get it.

You were so oblivious to anything else happening around you, that neither you or Javi had heard your front door open, followed by the rushed, impatient footsteps of Steve and Connie, arguing about where Steve could have left his wallet, and how on earth he could have left without realizing it was missing from its usual home in his back pocket.

“Seriously, Steve, I can’t believe we’re gonna waste a whole hour having to turn around and come back here because you couldn’t remember your wallet!”

“Con, I told you, it’s right on the counter, I know where it is, lemme just go grab it really quick and then we ca- Oh Jesus fucking Christ!” Steve shouted, walking into the kitchen to see you and Javi making out on your island, your dress pushed up well past your legs, and Javi’s bare ass on display from his pants still pooling around his ankles.

“Ahhhhh!” You and Javi shrieked, practically jumping out of your skin to see Steve’s tall and lanky frame frozen in your kitchen, now scrambling to try and fix your clothes and hair to try and save yourselves at least some dignity.

“What the hell are you two doin’?!” Steve grimaced, trying not to cackle to himself as Connie rushed up behind him to see what was happening, only to very quickly cover her eyes and turn away from you and Javi.

“Us?! What the hell are you doing here? Jesus, you ever heard of fucking knocking, Murph?!” Javi groaned, shuffling his pants back up and fixing his hair before helping you off the counter, trying your best to hide your beet red, embarrassed face.

“I forgot my wallet! Forgive me for thinkin’ you two would keep your hands off each other for long enough to let me come pick it up in peace.” Steve frowned, raising up his hands in defense.

“I’m sorry! I told him to call you to let you know he was coming to pick it up, but he seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal.” Connie scolded, giving Steve a forceful nudge of her elbow before finally turning back around to face you and Javi, knowing you were at least halfway decent. “God, I love you, but you are an idiot.”

“You can say that again…” You snickered under your breath, just loud enough to make Javi and Connie join in your laughter, leaving Steve with his arms crossed over his chest, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, listen. Call me what you want, but I don’t think you’ll be callin’ me an idiot when you need me to come babysit your 47 kids so the two of you can get some…” He paused gesturing to you and Javi’s disheveled state, “... time to yourselves. Like I said earlier, y’all gotta lot of rooms to fill, and I don’t think you’re gonna have any problem doin’ it.”

And for as much as you wanted to give Steve the ten pounds of shit he deserved, as you looked up at Javi standing next to you, you couldn’t really even bring yourself to be mad. Because in the end, the only thing that mattered was him- the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The one who was your future, the one who stood with you through every twist and turn, the one who was your home. What started as a day that had you questioning everything had turned into one that had never made you feel more assured. You knew that Javier Peña loved you more than life itself, and you knew that you were so lucky to spend the rest of your life getting to prove to him over and over that you loved him just as much.

Taglist:

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr

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hard-core-super-star · 3 months

Text

underneath my skin [K.Bishop]

pairing: vampire!kate bishop x reader

summary: it takes a few tries but after kate shows up unannounced at wanda's cabin, you finally make things right.

warnings: technically none?; still angsty but with a happier ending than last time; stubborn idiots in love being stubborn and in love; minor injuries + blood mentions; kate being a little immature shit and R being fed up; a surprising lack of hot vampire things AGAIN; too many references to the previous parts

wordcount: 3k

a/n: yes, hi, i know last time i said i was going to make the next vampire kate installment smutty but…my hand slipped and i focused on the plot too much 😅 i love this dynamic too much! BUT MARK MY WORDS, next part WILL be smut! [i’m a little rusty though so bear with me] anyway, i’m slowly but surely finding my rhythm again and i hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it <3

part one | part two | part four

* * * * * * *

You had been expecting a lot of things to happen today.

Wanda was going to teach you another spell, you were probably going to end up oversharing about something to get her to spill more information about Westview to satiate your curiosity, and then you’d both argue about which one of you two used magic to make sure the overwatered crops in the backyard don’t die (it was definitely you).

It was going to be a fun, normal, day full of the normal things that make up your new routine. And it was surely not going to feature Kate Bishop in any way.

Except Kate decided to ruin all your plans by showing up outside your door.

You wish you could say you’re surprised but the archer’s favorite hobby is messing up your plans and making you question far too many things.

“y/n.” Her voice is incredibly soft despite the shock that paints it. “...hey.”

You couldn't hold back the laugh that escapes you if you tried. “Hey? That’s your opener?”

There’s a lack of annoyance in your voice that clearly catches her off-guard. Her nervousness is as endearing as always despite the wounds she caused that haven’t closed yet.

“I don’t really know what else to say…”

You’re about to make fun of her when Wanda appears behind you. You feel her presence before you hear her voice and for a second, it’s like you can hear her warning you not to get too attached to Kate’s annoyingly charming habits.

Wanda has a point, of course she does, but you trust your heart even less than you trust the archer with it. Kate doesn’t even have to do anything for a part of you to yell at you to throw everything to the wind and go with her.

Go where exactly? That wasn’t as clear.

Of course, you could go back to New York but what’s the use? Just because it’s been a few months since the scandal broke out doesn’t mean you can go back to your old life. Back to the casual “not a relationship but more than a friendship” thing you and Kate had going on.

The witch’s hand on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you comply with her unspoken request. Whatever Kate needs doesn’t have anything to do with you. Leaving before she can sink her teeth into you again is the smart move.

So, you move away and let Wanda and Kate talk out on the front porch. You do your best not to listen in to their conversation but you do overhear something about The Avengers and Clint asking for the Sokovian’s witchy help.

You do your best to remind yourself the archer didn’t come here for you. She probably didn’t even know you were here. She doesn’t need you and you don’t need her…right?

You wish it was true. Maybe if it was true, you would be able to stay away from her.

Unfortunately, Kate is just as bad as you when it comes to walking away from self-destructive choices.

Wanda managed to get her to leave without you stopping her but she couldn’t stop the archer from getting into trouble once she was gone. Despite the Sokovian’s insistence that her cabin was incredibly far from other people, you both knew there was a small town not too far away.

A town that a certain archer ended up stumbling into.

Thankfully, Wanda had locked herself in her room with the Darkhold which meant she didn’t notice when Kate came back hours later to knock on your window.

The sound scared the crap out of you and yet you approached, a part of you longing to see her despite what a downright horrible idea it was bound to be.

You opened your window and came face to face with an out-of-breath Kate Bishop, her face littered with small scratches and a prominent bruise on her jaw. “Hey.”

“...hi?”

Her attempt at playing it cool fails miserably when she flinches at the tone in your voice. You’re not exactly mad but you’re not thrilled and the disappointment in your features breaks her facade quicker than you’ve ever witnessed.

It’s like you can see her trying to retreat before she fucks things up but you’ll be damned if you let her walk away from you now. “What’d you do this time?”

Your voice seems to relax the tension in her body somewhat. “I um…may need some help.”

“That wasn’t the question, Katherine.”

It’s hard to hold in your laughter at the face she makes but you manage. If you had a nickel for every time she got annoyed by your use of her full name, you’d be a few coins away from catching up to her fortune.

“Can I come in or not?” She asks. It’s obvious she’s trying to hold on to those bits of annoyance despite the growing smirk on her lips.

A beat of silence passes, and a voice in your head tells you you’ll only get hurt again before you notice the way she’s holding her side. You try to not give in to the overwhelming wave of worry that crashes into you at once.

“Sure, just try not to make too much noise. Wanda won’t hesitate to kick you out.” Your attempt at humor falls flat, which isn’t at all surprising, but you help her climb through your window anyway.

She stumbles a little and you bite back your teasing comments once you notice the blood on her clothes. You had to stop finding yourself in situations like these with her.

Vulnerability and Kate Bishop do not mix well…especially when she’s standing in front of you with that stupid puppy dog look she wears so well.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you mutter, half-hoping she won’t hear you.

She does, though, considering the way her nervous smile turns into a smirk.

Some things never change.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t realize my ‘I just got shot’ face turned you on so much.”

It’s easier to hide your genuine concern when she’s so busy being…her usual annoying self. “You’re an asshole.”

Kate rolls her eyes, a frustrated sound escaping her. “You’re one to talk.”

You’re not sure what exactly she’s referencing but it’s not like the list is particularly long. You could be mature and respond but the archer isn’t the face of maturity either so you ignore her words and move on.

“Do you want help or not?”

She shrugs, because of course she’d make things harder than they need to be, but the movement makes her wince. The sudden pain seems to reset her brain, and her attitude, because she nods without putting up any more of a fight. “Yeah, I think the bullet just grazed me but it hurts like a bitch.”

Your hands reach out for her before you can stop them. Your fingers graze the hem of her shirt when you snap out of your trance, your mind filling with unwanted memories about the night that started all your problems.

“You can take it off.” Her soft voice startles you out of your thoughts and you look up to meet her eyes. When the hell did she get so close to you, anyway? “I don’t bite.”

You let out a noise somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. “We both know that’s a lie.”

Despite the tension and uncertainty that still lingers, Kate offers you a smile. A real, amused, one. Not a smirk and not the cocky smile that makes you want to kiss her and slap her at the same time. It’s a warm smile, tinted by a nostalgia only the two of you can really understand.

“Okay, fine…I don’t bite without consent,” she corrects herself. “And I…haven’t done it since that night.”

You assume the comment is her trying to be charming in her borderline awkward way even though all it does is worry you more. Of course, you weren’t an expert on vampires by any means but you knew not feeding for so long couldn’t be a good thing…and suddenly the way she’s been swaying without noticing makes too much sense.

“You’re so stupid,” you mumble under your breath.

If Kate hears you, she doesn’t say anything about your words which thankfully allows you to help her remove her shirt without any further distractions. It takes all your self-restraint to keep your eyes from trailing down and admiring the skin that’s been revealed.

You force yourself to focus on her side and the wound she’s been trying to hide since she got here. There’s still some annoyance burning under the surface even as you try to help. “Move your hand. I can’t help you otherwise.”

She grumbles something you don’t quite catch under her breath before finally moving her hand away and revealing her skin. Despite her insistence that she had only been grazed by a bullet, she looked worse for wear.

“Jesus, Kate, what happened to you?” You don’t miss the way she shivers as your fingers trace her side.

She doesn’t answer and you resign yourself to the clear lack of answers you’ll be getting tonight.

Your eyes silently inspect her irritated skin and you curse under your breath when you notice an infection is already starting to spread. Knowing her, she had probably gotten hurt earlier in the day and completely wrote it off as nothing until the pain became too unbearable.

To make matters worse, she stumbles again and this time, you have no choice but to wrap your arms around her waist and pull her into you. She’s the one who curses this time and your heart aches from how strained and pained her voice sounds.

It’s hard but you manage to bite back your constructive criticism at her ridiculously stupid, albeit not surprising, tendencies. You manage to lead her to your bed and she sits down without any complaints (something that’s quite surprising).

“Kate,” you say, your voice so quiet it startles you. “Your silence is starting to worry me.”

She makes a soft sound that you assume is meant to be a chuckle. “You still worry about me?”

“Only when you show up outside my window like a weirdo.”

Your eyes meet hers for a second and you swear the usual sparkles in her eyes are laced with panic. Every cell in your being aches to comfort her but you don’t dare move yet.

You wish you could forgive and forget, that you could move past what happened between you and start again, but you can’t. At least not if she won’t help you. Then again, it’s not like you’re in any position to make demands. Maybe it was Kate who pushed you away but you’re the one who severed your connection with the vampire.

You’re the one who crossed a line you’re not sure you can come back from. For better or for worse.

“Why are you worried anyway?” The disappointment in her tone doesn’t escape you. “Don’t you have a spell to fix this or something?”

There it is.

For some reason, out of all the reasons Kate had to be mad at you, this one was at the bottom of the list in your mind.

“I don’t do that stuff anymore,” you reply, doing your best to ignore the incredulous look on her face.

“That’s such bullshit.” She scoffs.

You busy yourself with the task at hand, kneeling in front of her and inwardly cringing at the way your heart skips a beat due to the position. You don’t miss the way Kate spreads her legs to allow you to shift closer, though, and that only makes everything worse.

“What are you talking about?” You know damn well what she’s talking about but you play dumb anyway. Your hands clumsily reach for the first aid kit you stashed inside the drawer of the bedside table and you silently thank Wanda for her overprotective suggestion.

“Oh, come on, y/n!” A shiver that isn’t due to the cold air coming in from the now open window runs down your spine. “I know you used magic to cut our connection and I know damn well Wanda didn’t do it on her own. Do you seriously think I don’t know about that spell? I’m not the only vampire in my family.”

“But you’re definitely the most stubborn one,” you mumble.

You miss the roll of her eyes but not the frustrated sigh that leaves her lips. You can’t remember the last time you had a conversation with Kate that didn’t end with the two of you arguing about something. Sure, it had been part of your dynamic at some point but now it only serves as a reminder of why you two will never work again.

Her eyes follow your movements as you reach for an antiseptic wipe and start disinfecting the area around the wound. You’re expecting her to complain about the stinging sensation but she doesn’t.

For the first time since you met her, Kate Bishop genuinely surprises you.

“I’m not mad, you know?” Her soft words break the tension-filled silence your lack of response left behind. “Well, I was at first but…I understand why you did it…why you had to get away from me.”

The urge to ignore her is incredibly strong and yet a part of you longs to make things right. Or as right as they possibly can be considering your history together.

“That’s not why I did it.” You frown once your eyes catch sight of the multitude of scars and unhealed cuts that litter the rest of Kate’s torso. “I was just…tired of pretending.”

“Am I that bad of a kisser?” The humor in her voice helps remove some of the tension in your shoulders. It’s obvious she’s merely trying to deflect but you chuckle in response anyway.

You allow a calm silence to fill the room while you focus on disinfecting and wrapping up the wound. Focusing proves to be difficult, however, when one of her hands lands on your shoulder and she grips you hard enough to leave nail indents in your skin.

The sensation does help you swallow back your anxieties so you don’t complain…at least for the moment.

You make a mental note to ask Wanda for the recipe of the herbal remedy she always uses to fight off infections as you finish bandaging the archer up.

You’re almost out of the woods when your fingers accidentally find a certain scar on Kate’s other side. It’s subtle but the change in texture gives away what it is without you having to look.

Kate interrupts your train of thought before your eyes can join your fingers in examining the memory forever carved into her skin. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Your eyes drift up to her face and your breath catches in your throat once you become aware of the position you’re in. She notices your reaction but you respond before that stupid smirk can finish spreading along her lips.

“It’s only fair, you didn’t answer a single one of mine,” you point out.

“Your questions were stupid.” She shrugs and you hate that you can tell she’s doing it again. She’s hiding behind the persona she wears so well. The one that doesn’t care about what anyone else thinks despite the fact that Kate Bishop is the embodiment of empathy.

Of love.

The aching in your chest grows stronger.

“And you asking if you’re a bad kisser isn’t stupid?” You raise an eyebrow at her but she seems unbothered by your stare.

“Of course not, it’s important information.”

Her smirk is back again and unfortunately, so is your urge to kiss her so hard she’ll shut up for once. The desperation that lingers in that thought startles you even though it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how you still feel for her.

You’re not a gambler but you would bet everything you have that Kate feels the same way you do. It’s almost like you can see the struggle in her eyes. It’s like you can see the need to retreat behind her walls fighting with her desire to feel you close after so long.

You don’t need a “special connection” to figure that much out. Especially with the way she keeps clenching and unclenching her hands.

“You’re not a bad kisser, Kate,” you say, your heart pounding in your chest as you force yourself to say the one thing that’s been on your mind since the night you walked away from her. “But you are horrible at talking about your feelings.”

That gets a laugh out of her.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

You hesitate for a moment before your hand lands on top of her fidgeting one.

“That despite your many, many, many flaws…” You lean forward until your faces are merely inches apart. “I can’t find a way to not love you.”

“y/n-” Her breath catches in her throat as her eyes trail down your face.

You wait for her to finish her sentence but words never come. Instead of words, she leans forward, her hands moving up to grasp your face and pull you up toward her.

The movement startles you but it doesn’t necessarily surprise you. What does surprise you, though, is the sheer amount of desperation that swims in the few inches remaining between your lips.

It’s like you both wait a second more than necessary, almost like you can’t believe the other will allow the contact to happen.

But then it does.

Kate practically lunges forward and connects her mouth with yours in an instant. Any ounce of restraint you still had goes out the window at that moment and you melt against her.

There are so many unsaid things, so many things you both still need to apologize for, so many joint mistakes, and yet…it all fades away.

Suddenly, everything else is meaningless.

Suddenly, and for the third time in the past few months, you realize how much you love Kate Bishop. How much you need her in your life despite the unrestrained chaos she brings.

How she’s the only person who’s able to turn your life upside down from a single kiss.

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fatuismooches · 2 years

Note

Hello

I just saw your post with the fragile SO and honestly I loved it sooo much ❤️

Now I wanted to request kinda of a follow up. Like what if before you died you wrote them a letter, saying how much you love them and how they made your last days on earth so memorable and stuff like that. And they found it, like maybe a month or so after your death. How would they all react? (I'm specially curious of Capitano because you said you thought he would think that he killed you 😭)

I really love your writing and I plan to make more request in the future 👋

-🦎

♡𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐞/𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐃𝐢𝐞𝐝 ♡

synopsis: The Harbingers are made of steel, unflinching in any possible situation. But it seems that even such strong beings falter in the face of their lover's death, especially after they find a letter you left behind. Can be read as a part 2 to this.

includes: all harbingers (platonic pulcinella) w/ gn! reader

notes: Hop on the angst train, everyone. This is the first completely angsty thing I've written, and probably one of my favorites + longest pieces. I hope you enjoy this sadness, anon...!

Pierro:

Pierro carried on. He went about his day, filing paperwork, assigning duties to new recruits. What could he do? There was no time to mourn. The entire Fatui depended on his guidance and orders. He couldn’t just drop everything to fully devote himself to grieving you. But everyone knew - in any spare moment he had, he was thinking about you. Thinking about how he used to be able to go home to you waiting for him. Thinking about the walks he took with you that were heartwarming despite the body-chilling temperature. Thinking about when you were alive.

It was another day when one of your maids came to him with a piece of paper. Of course, she was terrified at being in the presence of the Harbinger, but she presented a folded piece of paper to him, stating that she had found it while cleaning your room. Pierro hadn’t been in there for a while. He was consciously trying his best to avoid it, choosing to pick up work instead. He nodded and the maid quickly scurried out of the room. It was most likely a final memento from you. He should honor that, he thought as he took off his mask.

Dear Pierro,

Hello there, my love. I hope your day wasn’t too tiring. I know how you’re always swamped with your Fatui business and such. You’re the head Harbinger, you know! You should definitely abuse your power to get some more days off. You didn’t hear that from me though, not like I wanna keep you to myself or anything. Totally not because I’m dying to spend some more time with you before I quite literally die.

You know, sometimes I wish I was a Fatui soldier just so that I could admire you from afar some more. Those recruits are damn lucky, getting to see you more than I do. I don’t mean to complain though. I’m still tremendously grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying the best moments of my life with you. Yeah, even when I made jokes you still had that stoic look on your face but it was still hilarious. I loved when you would wrap me in your coat and tell me stories about Khaenri’ah. Even when you weren’t here, I loved when these random recruits would be scurrying to my room every so often to deliver your handwritten notes.

Truly, there’s no life I’d rather live than this one… minus the illness part though. I am sorry to make you shoulder another death, my dear, but I love you greatly. I will always be with you.

Quietly, Pierro put the paper down and rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Ever since the fall of his nation, his heart had long gone numb. He had tried to ignore the prickling of his heart after your death, but your letter was really rubbing it on. When was the last time mere words could stir up such emotion in him? He didn’t know. But he promised you, this would not be your final resting place. Pierro knew, after fulfilling the Tsaritsa’s promise, he would see you again.

Capitano:

Capitano wasn’t very photogenic. After all, all you saw was a helmet shrouding his face in darkness along with his pitch-black armor and clothes. But you had insisted on taking a variety of pictures with him, claiming that it kept you happy. It wasn’t until later on when he stumbled across a scrapbook, with pages covered in photos of the two of you together, that he understood why. Since then, he let you do as you please. The doctors said it was good for you to keep occupied by doing things you liked. And well, it was rather cute, with all the decorations and fancy tape you added. Capitano often found himself looking at it to see what you added when you weren’t around.

But ever since your death, he hadn’t looked at it since. If he did, he didn’t think he’d be able to control the emotions boiling up inside of him. If he looked at your smiling face again, the pain and regret would be too much to bear. But as the days passed by and he continued to think about you, he couldn’t help but flip open the scrapbook, revisiting the memories he made with you so long ago. He flipped until he found a envelope in the middle, causing him to perk up. It had been sealed perfectly, even stamped with one of his seals. Now, Capitano didn’t want to invade your privacy, but what was inside called to him too much, and he very carefully unsealed it with a knife. Inside was a piece of parchment, similar to the ones he used to send you letters.

My knight,

I’m writing this after you just left for an expedition. You’ve just fed me breakfast (a/d fa//ed, but it’s f/ne b/ca/se it w/s c/te.) (The ending part of the sentence has been erased, but it’s still a bit readable.) We took an early bath together, and you helped me choose a nice outfit for today. You dutifully assisted me with my medicine and tucked me back into bed for some rest. Lastly, you’ve just tenderly kissed me with all the love in the world, my favorite part of course.

It’s too bad that I won’t be able to receive any more of your kisses soon. I think the sickness is really catching up to me, haha. (There are some doodles of the two of you randomly drawn in the middle of the paper, with lots of hearts and stars and rainbows. Maybe you stopped because you didn’t know how to continue.) To be honest, I’ve asked the doctors not to tell you, and somehow, they’ve listened to me. I just don’t want you to worry about me. Somehow, for someone as menacingly looking as you, you worry a lot more than I thought (no offense, though.)

I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything, my love. You genuinely made my life so, so much better. Even towards the end, I can only feel happiness that I was able to share some of my life with someone so incredible. You aren’t a monster. You’re the man I love dearly, the one who many people look up to all the time. You did everything and more, which really warms my heart.

I’m saying this because I know how you are and I need to knock some sense into you before you start getting any crazy ideas. Please don’t beat yourself up. If I could choose my destiny, I’d rather choose to be sick and be with you rather than being healthy. I’d choose you again and again, over and over, my dear. I love you, truly.

Carefully folding the letter, he tucked it into the envelope again and resealed it. He snugly placed it back into the scrapbook and closed it, placing it back into the drawer where he usually kept it. Capitano was used to the grief and destruction that war brought. But he wasn’t used to it when love brought these feelings upon him. His heart still hurt - terribly so - but… your letter seems to have brought him some peace. You would forever be in his heart.

Columbina:

It had been a while since your death. By now, everyone had become accustomed to hearing her songs every day. It was a constant reminder of your passing. Oftentimes, Columbina had begun to stay in your room longer than her own. You were gone, but something about your space soothed her soul a bit from all the grief she was going through. And she also liked to go through your stuff and remember different things about you.

There was a box that contained a compilation of the many songs and poems she gifted you, along with some that you created yourself with her help. Sometimes, she liked to go through the box and think about you, but she never had the time to inspect every piece. Until now, when she noticed that there was an unfamiliar piece of paper that she didn’t recognize. Columbina picked it up and began to read.

My lovely melody,

Lately, I’ve begun to sing more. I think you’ve inspired me. I hope you don’t mind me stealing that one song you like to hum the most. The only problem is that I don’t have enough stamina to sing for that long, and I think my voice is kind of off-key. But I promise I’m working on it! I’m not going to tell you yet because I want to surprise you with something nice, as a thank you for taking care of me for so long.

Actually, there’s another problem, and it’s that… (it seems that you wrote a lot of words here and then scratched them out; perhaps you were unsure how to word it) Well, I guess I don’t really know if I’ll live long enough to perform for you. It’s been kind of tough lately. But I’m going to persevere for you. Your poems have been helping a lot. We should make a book of them one day. And um, in the case that I don’t make it, I would like you to know how happy you made me.

I always got so giddy when I heard you humming down the hallway. Nothing felt better than when you would croon to me and massage my scalp and play with my hair. You are so comforting and sweet, and just - lots of things that would be too much to write. I always feel eternally fortunate that I was able to have a lover as amazing as you. You really did change my life. I love you very much, Columbina. Please don’t forget me.

Columbina’s usual smile had turned into a downward curve. Oh, how she wished she could hear you sing. Your usual voice and laugh had already been angelic to her, she knew your songs would be beautiful too. But you were no longer here. She would have really loved to hear your song. You would have been the best duet partner. But perhaps, you could hear her songs from the other world as she laid on your coffin once again.

Dottore:

Dottore hadn’t entered your room since your death. He was far too busy with his research and experimentation with resurrection. Mourn you? No, no, you weren’t going to be dead for long, after he finds the answer. You would be back in his arms soon enough. Both of you would be fine. That was, until no matter how hard he researched, he always seemed to hit a dead end. It was frustrating. He couldn’t believe it, but he was at the point where he willingly needed a couple of minutes to rest. Dottore headed to his room, but as he placed his hand on the doorknob, something stopped him and he looked over to the room next to his, yours. He silently walked over and opened your room, having not been in it for a while. The only reason you didn’t share a room was that his was very… bland, boring, not very comfortable, and not spacious enough for the medical equipment.

It was the same as he had left it, not bothering to change anything. You liked to decorate it, and he let you. Framed photos of the two of you were on the dresser, lights hung up around the room. It seemed to make you happy. But there was something he had not noticed before - a slip of paper sticking out from under the pillow. Dottore walked over and took off his mask - something he unconsciously tended to do when it was just the two of you - and opened the folded paper.

To Zandik,

I remember when you first took interest in me, looking at me up and down with your mask on, a wide smirk on your face. I knew my parents said they hired someone intelligent to cure me, but I sure didn’t expect it to be the second Harbinger. I think you already know this, but when I saw you, I was kinda scared for my life. And I was for a while, especially when you made me drink the most hellish concoctions and injected strange things into me. But long story short, I still fell in love with you somehow. Even though you were probably trying so hard just because you wanted to solve the mystery of my illness, I couldn’t help but think you were quite handsome when you focused on something so intensely. Your pointy teeth were the cutest. (The previous sentence has been erased but Dottore could still make it out. You were an idiot, he thinks.)

I don’t mean to insult your intelligence or skill… but I don’t think I’m going to make it, Dottore. I know you’ve been trying really, really hard (I was there the whole time, after all) to help cure me, but I think you know better than me about my condition. So yeah. I guess this is my goodbye… my parting letter.

I know you don’t care about anyone or anything really, but I hope you accept it when I say I genuinely enjoyed our time together. Yea, you were hella terrifying and a lot of scary stories drifted about you, but there was a lot of maniacal laughter and you rambling on about things I had no clue about, but I would always happily listen to you, Zandik. I would write more, but I don’t think you’re one for sappy words and stuff like that. So I’ll leave end it here. I love you very much.

His mouth was a straight thin line at the end of your letter. Dottore put his mask back on and tucked your letter into his coat. For once, he couldn’t blame someone for insulting his intelligence. He did fail, after all. But Dottore was no stranger to failure. Experimentation was a series of trials and errors, failures and successes. He swore to himself that you would not be a failure. Perhaps his journey to Sumeru, the land of wisdom, would grant him some more insight for your resurrection.

Pulcinella:

It was just after your funeral. Surprisingly, all the Harbingers had gathered too. It seemed like they had grown somewhat fond of you after Pulcinella introduced you to them, at least enough to attend your funeral. Pulcinella was grateful. He had spoken a few words in memory of you. He couldn’t keep everyone for long. They had other matters to attend to. But in his heart, he had a lot of dear words for you.

Pulcinella sat down at his desk, deciding to do some paperwork to distract his mind. He pulled out the drawer to retrieve some items but he noticed a piece of paper stuffed to the back of it. He certainly had not put that there. He reached for it and opened it to read the contents.

Hey Papanella,

Do you like that nickname I came up with? I haven’t said it to you yet because I’m not sure how you’ll react. But I think it’s pretty cute. I haven’t said this out loud yet either but… um, I guess you’re like my dad to me. My own parents never cared much for me after my illness proved to be too much work, but you always treated me so kindly. So yeah. Thanks for being a father figure to me. Archons, this is kind of embarrassing.

I’m admitting this because I don’t know how much longer I have. I know you’re always encouraging me to keep living on, and I really do appreciate it. I’m sincerely trying my best, but I think my sickness has been getting worse. Ah, and thanks for introducing me to the Harbingers. They’re pretty scary but they’re kind of cool when you get to know them. Some of them are cute too. Please don’t tell them I said that. But really, for the longest time, I thought my life would amount to nothing, and that no one would remember me. But you proved me wrong. I truly enjoyed spending the last of my days doing old people stuff with you (just kidding of course!)

I’m going to ask you to tell me lots of more stories when I see you again. They really make my day. I like the ones about you in your youth the best. They’re the funniest. Anyway, I love you, gramps. Don’t miss me too much.

Pulcinella was old. He had seen things be built and broken down, people come and go. But he always hated it the most when he had to see youngsters go before he did. Especially innocent ones who had done nothing wrong. He just prayed, that whichever world you were in now, treated you better than this one did.

Scaramouche:

Ever since your death, the soldiers had been on the receiving end of Scaramouche’s insults even more. No longer were you here to hastily save them from his berating, much to their dismay. They actually appreciated you for stopping Scaramouche from giving them another verbal (and sometimes even physical) beating. But now if he wasn’t yelling at someone, he was deathly silent, which was why even scarier than his words. Everyone knew they were forbidden from speaking about you in his presence.

When Scaramouche had to visit Inazuma for whatever reason, he always found himself walking towards your house. Once he had came across the Tenryou Commission moving your items out of your house, due to no one living there anymore and the want for someone else to buy it. Needless to say, he swiftly dealt with them and sent them on their way with rage. They had tried a few more times and he did not hold back, until later they stopped coming, apparently after the head shrine maiden gave an order on the behalf of the Shogun to leave the residence alone. Hmph.

He doesn’t know why he keeps coming here, the only thing that’s different is the new collection of dust on the dresser. But the want to see you again keeps calling him, only to leave Scaramouche sorely disappointed. He thinks he knows every nook and cranny of your house, that is until he walks on a floorboard that caves in and nearly makes him fall. He’s about to lose his temper until he sees a piece of paper hidden under the floor. The words die in his throat as he picks it up to inspect.

To my beloved Kunikuzushi,

As I write this, you’re probably yelling at some unfortunate Fatui soul and they’re all trembling in their boots. Haha, I wish I was there to see that. You should be nicer, you know. But it is kinda funny to see you mad. I hope you come back soon… it’s getting too quiet around here without your quips and remarks.

But I know as you read this, I’m no longer alive. Kuni, I… (There are wrinkled spots around this area, presumably from your tears.)

I love you, and I don’t want rage and hatred to consume you again. I’m sorry to make your heart bear such pain again. It may be fruitless to say this, but please don’t blame yourself… it was out of our control. Please know I enjoyed every moment with you, whether you were cursing at some guy who bumped into me, even when you teased me relentlessly, or silently crying in my arms about your fate. But my favorite part was your soft smiles which grew more frequent. You are loved very much by me too. I want to see you smile more, many more times before I- (The rest of the sentence was scribbled over with a pen, making it unreadable.)

I wish I didn’t have to depart so soon… I wish I was born someone else, someone more strong and healthier… if I was, would our story be different, Kuni? Perhaps we’ll meet again one day… hopefully, sooner rather than later, and maybe I won’t be the same as I am now, but…

Will you wait for me, Kunikuzushi?

Scaramouche hated when he cried. He felt weak, stupid, and disgusting, especially when you were there. And somehow, he couldn’t help but feel worse than that when he finished reading your letter. He was never favored by the Gods, having been betrayed by one already. It seemed as though he was always fated to be betrayed by people he cared about. But he knew deep down that you didn’t betray him, he did instead by not being able to protect and save you. In an effort to bury his despair, anger, and grief, he would wipe himself clean of foolish human emotions, ready to ascend to godhood with his creator’s Gnosis…

Arlecchino:

Arlecchino’s days had been exactly the same ever since your death. They were the same as before she had met you too. Bland. Boring. Dull. It was after your passing that she truly realized how much your presence had added some thrill and color into her life. Now they were empty. But she was used to that. She had felt that way for a long time.

Arlecchino didn’t do much in her room besides sleep. Her room wasn’t anything special, just the standard and rich master bedroom. That was, until you took it upon yourself to decorate it. She hadn’t bothered to change it despite the style being very much different from hers. Today she had come in briefly to retrieve some documents under her bed. But, there was a random piece of paper there, collected dust on top of it, most likely from being placed there a long time ago. Arlecchino opened the folded paper and was greeted with your handwriting.

To my sunshine,

I bet you’re wondering why the hell I chose “sunshine” of all names. Even I can admit that you are nothing like sunshine. But I wanted to spice things up a bit, and to be honest, you bring a lot of sunshine into my heart and dreary little life, despite your stone-cold face. So yeah! I don’t think I can call you that to your face though. It’d be too scary.

I didn’t tell you, but I’ve had some people ask me why I chose to stay with you despite my health being what it is. My answer is always very easy - I love you, Arlecchino. Plain and simple. They don’t know how you are with me (which I’m kinda glad for… I want to keep this side of you to myself; yes, I know I’m greedy.) The way your lips quirk up for a split second then always turn downwards because you don’t want anyone to see. The way your eyes soften for a bit when I tell a corny joke. Or when I do anything actually. Your facial expressions are pretty cute.

Ahem, moving on from that, I guess you can say that I’m not too scared to say these things because I might be leaving you soon. Not of my free will, of course. Rather, it seems like the time my illness is allowing me to live is limited. Hopefully, you don’t notice anything off about me. I don’t think I could explain all of this in person…

But I am really thankful to you for sticking by my side for so long. Even though you don’t tell me, I know sometimes you lament about your lack of ability to be verbally and affectionately comforting. But I hope you know that I don’t really care about that. You are more than enough for me. You’ve done a lot more than you think. I’m forever appreciative, my dear.

Arlecchino was left speechless, the usual bite in her throat died down. As someone who had few kind words to say to others, having such sweetness directed at her was not something she was used to. But of course, a part of her wasn’t surprised, because the only person who’d utter such things was you. It pained her, and even the children who cried after your death, greatly. But whenever she needed a reminder of you, she would uncharacteristically gently trace her fingertips over the words of your letter.

La Signora:

Everyone knew to stay out of La Signora’s way after your death. She was cruel before, but your passing seemed to reignite all the flames of anguish and hatred she harbored deep inside her broken heart. Once again, her walls had been put up to be unbreakable.

Rosalyne had gifted you a lot of makeup and accessories. She liked to experiment on you and liked it when you tried it yourself too. You had kept everything in a nice big box so nothing would get lost. One day she felt drawn to it again. She knew she was missing you dearly again, and although opening it would just cause her heartache, she couldn’t help but pry it open to see how you kept it. But on top was a hastily folded letter, stained a bit by the surrounding makeup, tucked into a small compartment. She flipped it open and began to scan the contents.

My dearest Rosalyne,

Hello there, pretty lady. You know, that’s the first thing I thought when I saw you. Tall pretty lady. Did you know that? Now you do. Anyway, I was wondering - how many of your flame moths can you create at a time?? Can you make them form a heart or something?

Haha, I’m sorry for beating around the bush. The truth is I don’t know how much longer I have left. No matter how much warmth your moths provide me, for some reason, I always feel the chill of death creeping up my spine…

I don’t mean to be your second heartbreak. I’m really sorry… you deserve so much better than that. But for what it’s worth, you made my life a lot better than it was before. I hadn’t had much confidence in myself because of my illness for a long time. But you, Rosalyne… you made me feel like an actual person, as strange as that sounds. I feel like, when I’m with you, you make me feel so loved and special. I’m far from it but I actually feel like royalty. And royalty is really a life worth living. I don’t even know how you did it, but thank you. My life is so, so much happier thanks to you.

Hopefully, I make it a lot longer after I’m writing this letter. Maybe the Gods could finally take pity on me and give me some kind of blessing so I can stay with you longer. But if anything happens, I really, truly love you, Rosalyne. (The end of the letter has an origami moth colored in and taped to it.)

Signora’s hand trembled as she finished your letter. Her heart had returned to being ice, but it felt like her whole body was being swallowed up in red-hot grief and anger. Signora would dedicate herself solely to the Tsaritsa’s noble dream. It was the only thing she could do now, with nothing else to do and no one left for her freezing heart to love. No one could ever hope to understand the grief and pain she’s been through. Perhaps, that was why when she stood in front of the Raiden Shogun’s sword, she did not feel much regret.

Pantalone:

Whenever Pantalone went out, he often found himself looking through the windows of many stores to view their products. It was almost an instinct to pull out a large sum of Mora to buy anything he thought you’d like. And he still did this, only that he stopped halfway every time when he remembered that you were no longer with him. And his heart felt painfully heavy once again, like how heavy his smile felt with the pressure to keep it up.

The silence of his office had become a norm once again, your joyful presence no longer around to brighten it up. Pantalone opted to drown himself in paperwork to ignore it. Actually, he never realized how much the tick of the grandfather clock bothered him until now. Usually, your voice was loud enough to hide it. He sighed and reached for the bottom drawer to get some new pens to sign the documents. But his eyes widened as he saw a paper clearly laid out there, addressed to him at the top. His heart beat quickened as he carefully picked it up and realized it was from you. It seemed like you had experimented with some fancy calligraphy pens he had gotten you a while ago. And you had also stolen every stamp you had from him and stamped all over the paper.

Darling,

Hello, my love. Sorry for all the random stamps. I wanted to see what they looked like. Why does the Fatui need so many different-shaped stamps? You should make one of us, actually. And do you see I’ve been practicing my cursive script? (Indeed, on the back on the paper, your name has been signed in different styles.) I’ve been trying to do my signature all fancy like you. Hopefully, I’m improving.

I am thinking to make you read me a bedtime story tonight. I found a new one that seemed pretty cute. It’s a commoner falling in love with a nobleman… a tale of forbidden romance. It seems to go fine, until the commoner s/cc/mbs to (It seems that you scratched off the rest of the sentence.) Actually, I won’t spoil the ending for you. But by the time you read this letter, we may have finished it already. I’m just going to abuse that pretty voice of yours as much as I can (kidding of course… but no joke. Have you tried some kind of service where you just read things to people? I think you’d make a lot of money from that. I sure would give all my life savings to you.)

I guess since I’m writing this, I should say another thing I’m thinking about. I’m not sure how much longer I can hang on. I’m trying my best because I don’t want to let you down. I know you’ve been trying your best, with all these fancy doctors and equipment, but um… yeah. But I should also say that I’m not regretful having spent my time with you. You made the last days of my life so relaxing, so stress-free, so… nice. I’m glad I don’t need to worry about anything with you. Let’s move on from this, actually.

I’m thinking of a lot of things, actually. I wonder what you made the chef prepare for us tonight. Mhm… I’m getting hungry. Will you feed me dessert again too? Hah, I’m going to miss thinking about such mundane things. Hmm, I think I can hear your voice down the hall, so I’ll wrap this up. I love you.

Pantalone gazed at your words forlornly, his mouth formed into a downwards line. He had never thought the loss of something besides Mora could squeeze his heart so painfully, but here you were, making his eyes sting once again. Blinking back any tears, he made sure to store your letter in a safe place. He made a note to visit your grave today. He’d bring your favorite snack too, and read you a story perhaps.

Sandrone:

It was almost ironic - the puppet master had become a puppet herself. She didn’t speak much to others anymore, choosing to lock herself up in her lab. A part of her debated making some kind of robot or doll replica of you. But it would never be the same. She wouldn’t feel your warmth, or your natural, free laugh. Nothing would be similar.

Sandrone had begun inspections on all of her created robots. It was a grueling process she had gotten used to, but she missed the chirping of your voice as she did so. She worked in silence, opening the compartment of one of them when she was caught off guard by a formerly white paper, caked in dust, inside. The only person who had access to her Automatons was you. So could it possibly be…?

My forever,

I’m actually writing this in the same room as you. You're too preoccupied with your robot building and engineering and all that stuff, so you don’t notice me rushing to write all of this. I’ll make this quick. Actually, it’s hard to concentrate when you look so pretty and intelligent. Ahh, I’m so lucky to have you with me.

I think you’re repairing one of your robots so it can lift us up and take us on a walk. I’m excited. Those are always so much fun. I know you aren’t a sappy person. But I want to make my feelings clear, since I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to watch you unscrew some bolts and hammer down the nails. I don’t need to say it outright, do I? We both know I’ve been getting worse. Neither of us wants to say it out loud, but it’s reality.

Before I go, let me make it clear, since I know you like being blunt. You are my everything. Seeing your cute little robots send me these cute little messages really made my day. I think you told me a long time ago that you didn’t care much about human emotions. I think that’s changed now. I love waking up to see that calm and content expression on your face and watching it become a bit more softer when you see me. You’re more human than you think, you know. Some people think that being cooped up in a lab with a Harbinger is not an ideal way to live. But I beg to differ. I would choose no other way to live as long as I’m with you, Sandrone.

I think you’re finished with your tinkering. I’m going to have one of the robots hide this paper in them. I think some of them like me better than you >:) I wonder how long it’ll be until you find it. Hopefully, you don’t find it too quickly because it’ll be awkward to explain this to you. Either way… I love you dearly, Sandrone.

Sandrone gently brushed off the dust on your letter. She wished she found it sooner. She didn’t know whether it was good or bad her heart was finally feeling some emotion again, but she was grateful to have some final parting words from you. Sandrone had a bubble of inspiration float up in her. She had a good idea of what she was going to build next.

Childe:

Childe had found it after he was cleaning out your apartment in Liyue. He wanted to bring all of your stuff to his home in Snezhnaya. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t throw any of your items away, even the random useless trinkets. Childe’s chest felt hollow as he opened the door to your residence. He expected to see your face brighten and eagerly pull yourself out of bed to hug him. He’d easily lift you off the floor and spin you around, drinking in your gleeful giggles as he pressed his lips to yours. But now it was just the creak of the floorboards as he walked in.

Childe had a memory connected to every piece of clothing that you had. That one he gifted to you for your birthday. Another he remembered twirling you around in on a picnic. One of his sweaters that he doesn't remember you stealing from him, mingled with your scent and his. Archons, his chest hurt so badly, but there was nothing he could do as he neatly placed your items in boxes, emptiness consuming him. He was finishing up the packing when a piece of paper folded in half fell out of one of your pants’ pockets. Childe picked it up and his eyes widened when he recognized your handwriting and his real name. Sitting down on your bed, he began to read.

To my one and only Ajax,

My greatest wish is that you’ll never find and read this letter because it means that we’re living our best lives. We’re happy, content, still deeply in love with each other… living in bliss.

But if you’re reading this, then we probably didn’t go and do all of the cool and exciting things you wanted us to. I didn’t move to Sneznhnaya and I didn’t meet the rest of your family. We didn’t go travel to all the nations like you wanted to…

Heh, that’s too bad. I was really looking forward to seeing the same sights you saw on your travels. The pretty bloom of Inazuma’s sakura trees, the beautiful snow-covered streets of Snezhnaya. Remember that time you asked me if I wanted to conquer the world with you? Of course, since I can’t ever say no to you, I accepted your proposition. But in my head, I couldn’t help but think that you should probably choose someone who can match your ability and someone who is act/a/ly g/i/g to b/ ali/e. (The previous words have been haphazardly erased, making it hard to make out.)

You know I… (The ink here has bled through the paper, most likely due to you stopping there for a good while.) I don’t even know what to say, I’m just sorry. I don’t wanna leave you, I wanna be by your side forever, wanna be attacked by your cuddles every day. But the only thing I can do now is to make sure you understand that I’m truly grateful for you. No one else has ever cared about me as much as you did. You never stopped believing in me and always smiled when I needed you. You made my feeble life worth living.

Please don’t be sad. Teucer and the rest of your siblings need you. I love you so very much…

He didn’t realize how hard he was digging his fingernails into his skin until he started bleeding through the paper. Childe had been through endless battles, and fought countless enemies, but no wound had ever burned as badly as his heart did right now. Even in the Abyss, he did not feel as bottomless of despair as he felt right now. He wanted to hold you again too, Childe thought. He wanted to kiss you all over and show you how much he loved you. But you were gone, and the letter just solidified it more. He laid down on your bed, hand covering his forehead as he stared blankly at your ceiling. Biting down on his lip hard, he tried to prevent tears from flowing again. He would just go back to being the Tsarista’s weapon again, drowning himself in battle and blood just to feel something after your death.

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luminouslywriting · 4 months

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Angsty stressful BOB headcanon - you accidentally get pregnant during the war and try to hide it but they catch on that’s something wrong w you

Sweetheart, I LIVE for and LOVE angsty requests, so I’m here for this! For the sake of historical accuracy and simplicity, reader is a medic/nurse that travels with Easy Company! More below the cut, cut for length, angst mentioned, pregnancy things and miscarriages mentioned:

Dick Winters:

-The thought that you might be pregnant is NOT one that crosses his mind initially. You’re distancing yourself and he doesn’t understand why. -He does his best to try and reach out and try to show you that he’s still committed—he’s honestly wondering what he did wrong. -The minute he sees the small little baby bump though?? He knows and he feels IMMENSE guilt over the entire thing. He should’ve been more careful and you definitely deserve better than being an unwed pregnant woman. -He’s now double stressed about the war and how he’s going to fix things with you and reconcile the problem. So his solution is to have a quiet elopement with you. -At least now you have some money to be taken care of. And he begs you to go and stay with his family back in the states so that you have someone taking care of you since he can’t be there. -He’s happy to have you and to be a father but it’s a very angsty and emotional time that won’t be reconciled until the war is over.

Lewis Nixon:

-Well this is a messy situation….if only because he’s well aware he’s getting a divorce but he was also having an affair with you and now you’re pregnant. -Panicked stressed upset—all of the emotions and goes through the five stages of grief tbh…and drinks to cope. -He’s got a lot of mixed emotions about the complexity of the situation. This is a second chance for happiness and also the nail in the coffin to his previous family. He also feels the weight of responsibility pretty heavily. -Also wants to marry you ASAP and cleans up his act so that he can have a chance with you and the kid. -Views it as a messy second chance so he’s very grateful despite the poor timing of everything. Dick helps him see the good in the situation. -He plans on making a very happy life with you as soon as he can.

Ronald Speirs:

-Clocks onto you being more sick than normal and more often….and just puts two and two together. He’s not an idiot, he knows he should’ve been more careful, and he feels bad. -This is a war and it’s not exactly great timing. He doesn’t want to make you commit to anything if you’re not absolutely certain of being with him. -Conversations are had about whether or not you’ll keep the kid and what you’ll do if you decide to keep it. Co-parenting seems to be the safest bet for now. -Don’t get me wrong, he wants a life with you. He just doesn’t want you to feel like he’s trapped you in said life with him. -He’s probably the most logical about things in the sense that he’s making sure you get a transfer back to London and away from the front lines for safety and health purposes. -Also dutifully writes you until the war is over and he can meet the kid and marry you.

Buck Compton:

-Despite the seriousness of the situation, it just depends on if it was before or after Bastogne. Either way, I think he’s a very big nervous wreck about things. -He wants to be a dad, wants to be a husband and have a life with you….but not like this. -Whatever his plan is that he’s figuring out, it gets thrown off by Bastogne and everything that happens there. -I truthfully think that the best thing might be for you to follow him home since you’re pregnant and try to help in his recovery. You can be a big help emotionally to him. -Buck feels a lot of guilt for feeling broken and not able to support or help you as a parent or lover, but the minute that kid is born, he’s getting everything back on track. -After a while, he’ll ask you to marry him and share a life with him.

Carwood Lipton:

-This responsible mother hen?? Feels like the W O R S T person ever. Not his intention to put you in this situation and wants to send you home with a ring on your finger post-haste. -So that’s exactly what he does, he finds the nearest chaplain and gets hitched and then writes his mother

-He has so much guilt over not being there for the birth of the baby and not being there for you

-But it’s the hope of seeing you and the baby that keeps him going and keeps him hopeful, even during times like Bastogne. -Probably quietly talks about the situation with a few pals of his, including Speirs. And he definitely misses you a lot. -And consistently apologizes the rest of your marriage over the entire thing.

Joseph Liebgott:

-Doesn’t know whether or not to hope for the best or the worst because the timing of it all is just super poor and inconvenient?? -Feels guilty over that and while he’s happy that this means he gets to have you in his life, he’s also acutely aware of how complicated he’s made things for you. -It’s an anchor point for him to remember what he’s fighting for and that humanity is a thing though, so there’s that sobering point he gets to. -Probably wants to get married but there’s not a chaplain around so his next bet is to go to Winters and try to get you transferred somewhere else. -Promises he’s going to make it back to you and get married after the war. He thinks of little else during Bastogne and the hard times. -When he goes to Austria, you show up with the baby and he finally gets to meet baby Liebgott and get hitched haha.

Donald Malarkey:

-Excited and sad at the same time?? Doesn’t really know how to feel and is now worried about leaving you on your own with a baby. -Is also really worried he’ll never get to meet the baby and so he tries to make the most of the short times that you do have together. -Insists on getting married so that if he dies, you have some fallback money and something that will take care of you and the baby. -Probably cries about it when he’s alone because it was NOT the plan and he doesn’t think that you should have to put up with any of this stuff anyway. -Tries to find baby stuff in different towns that he can give to you when he gets back to you. -Wrote home to his mother immediately that she was going to be a grandmother lol.

Eugene Roe: (Big sad, I’m sorry):

-Was not intending on getting you pregnant but now that you are, he’s super excited and happy about it….and also terrified because pregnancy has so many complications anyway. -Prays avidly for your safety and for the baby’s safety as you two are figuring things out. Truth be told, it’s probably right around Bastogne that you both figure out that you ARE pregnant. -The guilt is real and he’s coming into the city as much as possible to try and see you and check on you. It’s cold, rations are low, and you’re working a lot anyway. -Now here’s where you’re all going to demand I pay for therapy (get in line kids). You survive the church collapsing but you lose the baby a few weeks later after some severe cramping and being sick. -And the thing is?? He’s horribly awfully and guiltily relieved because it’s probably safer for you this way and there was no way that either of you could have been parents right now. -But he does promise to marry you and that you’ll have more children one day.

Bill Guarnere:

-Finds out about it by accident when you’re telling another nurse and freaking out bc you don’t know what to do. And this man?? Baffled and shocked and trying to figure out what to say. -So he comes to you and quietly lets you know that he knows and is willing to do whatever you need/want for things. -You two get married right before D-Day and then he ships out. You two write letters back and forth faithfully for months. -Everyone knows you’re having a baby and that is the baby of Easy Company lol. -His accident in Bastogne happens and he gets shipped back to London and then back to the states and you go with him. -He’s in recovery when the baby is born and he’s happy about it because it’s really a new life for everyone tbh.

Joe Toye:

-You try to break up with him and the argument gets pretty nasty bc there’s no real reason for the breakup until you drop the bomb that you’re pregnant and he just??? Short circuits?? -He gets really soft and sweet about the entire thing and promises that he’s going to stay by your side through it. -So he writes his family ASAP and marries you in a church in his uniform. Then you’re getting sent back to your family and his and it’s a bit messy. -But he’s writing you and really excited to meet the kid….who is faithfully and dutifully born a few weeks before his accident in Bastogne. -He doesn’t even know the kid had been born until he gets back and there’s a lot of guilt and grief and feelings of inadequacy about the situation. -But he’s a great dad and a great husband so it all works out.

George Luz:

-is honestly trying to come up with every possibly outcome and solution so that he’s prepared for whatever decision you make. -You told him about it shortly after they returned from D-Day and he’s a little shocked (more than a little) and having a hard time keeping a lid on things. -He wanted a whole wedding that everyone could celebrate and be happy with, but going down to a courthouse with you and a few of the guys will do. -Gives the men of Easy Company updates on the pregnancy via letters from you all of the time. And you get the weirdest most random questions from them, I’m sure. -Narrowly survived Bastogne and was really struggling until your letters started coming through again. -Is really excited to meet the baby and see you again once things are over with the war.

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year

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Hello my love! ❤️

Another one, if you’re still taking them, though I understand if not. This could go either angsty or funny, depending on how you want to write it:

“He can’t hear you when he gets like that.”

Okay going kind of angsty with this one but happy ending!!! Also taking it literal

Steve was stressed. Actually, if there was a level above stressed, that’s what he was.

The kids weren’t helping. Dustin, in particular, wasn’t helping.

He was asking a million questions that Steve either didn’t know the answer to or was too busy trying to handle something else to answer.

So he turned off his hearing aids.

He could still hear sound, but couldn’t make out words, and it did actually help him focus on what he needed to do.

The buzzing sounds around him were almost like music, so much so that he could almost hum along, or make his own lyrics.

It was refreshing to not have to listen to the relentless questions.

He looked up a minute later to read Eddie’s lips as he spoke to Dustin.

“He can’t hear you when he gets like that.”

Steve subtly reached up to turn one of the hearing aids back on so he could make out their conversation better.

“Like what?”

“Stressed. He’s trying to make everything perfect for your graduation party. When he gets stressed he turns off his hearing aids so he can focus on what he’s doing.”

“So he literally has selective hearing?”

“Yep.”

Steve reached up to turn the hearing aid back off, ignoring the way Eddie was staring at him with a mix of fondness and irritation.

Eddie didn’t mind him doing what he needed to do, but it definitely made it harder for him to have to field the questions.

- - - - -

In the end, the stress was worth it.

He cried and cheered as every kid, even El, walked across the stage and got their diploma.

And when they got to the party he’d been planning for weeks, they all hugged him.

“Thanks for doing all this for us,” Will said shyly.

“Yeah, this is amazing,” Max added.

“I guess it’s worth turning off your hearing for a bit if you can pull this off when you do,” Dustin smirked.

Eddie slapped the back of his head but smiled at him before turning to Steve.

“You did a great job, Stevie. Need help with anything?”

“Rub my head later? I’m getting a headache from the adrenaline crash.”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #headcanon #hard of hearing steve harrington #don’t look at me I woke up like 15 minutes ago and I’m probably going to fall back asleep any second

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luffyvace · 9 months

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dunno if you do shalnark x reader fics but i can barely find any of my silly goober so here i am asking 😭🙏

its chill if you don’t, dw about it, but i was wondering if you could do one of shalnark and like a closed off reader that he tries so desperately to open up to him. make it as fluffy or angsty as you want 🙏🙏🧎 WWW

UM YES I DO?! I LOVE OUR SILLY LITTLE NOT SO RUSSIAN HACKER⁉️💗💗

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA?! Why has no one thought of this?? Hcs are popping into my head as I TYPE THIS. I’m going to make it fluffy bc I’m a sucker for it 😊 thank you for requesting anon!! :)

(btw I don’t really do fics, just hcs, but I’ll write it in a sort of fic way as possible <3)

For these I’ll do reader who’s in phantom troupe or at least knows he’s in it

the reason for you being closed of may vary, you could naturally be like that or you could be scarred with trauma

who knows?

You.

in which I let you decide why you are the way you are :)

besides the point

shalnark really does do everything to get you to open up to him

every love language, every bribery possible, even light empty threats!

nothing.

You don’t crack a bit.

first is love languages:

“N/nnn why don’t you talk to me today??”

he came over to you and snuggled up close to you

you either turn away or completely ignore him

”come on now, I’m your boyfriend! Don’t you wanna talk to me??”

you attention doesn’t move at all from what you were doing

“Your so coldhearted towards me, don’t you care about me at all? Don’t you love me?” He pouts. He knows the answer. He just wants you to show it

”I’m in a dangerous criminal organization you know? I could die any second! Won’t you care??”

you don’t bat an eye

he chooses not to sigh and give up today

he playfully starts kissing you all over your face

hugging you tighter, caressing your hair

still nothing

i feel this is another reason he likes you

your a enigma to him

he doesn’t view you as a toy though—of course not! He loves you, but your so fascinating to him, you really know how to keep a man on his toes

he can’t figure out why you are the way you are and you won’t tell him

you accept his proposal to be his s/o but won’t say you love him? Won’t cuddle or kiss? His gifts collect dust?

this man hardly knew love in his childhood and now your still deriving him of it 😗

you may or may not know that and you may or may not feel guilty about it

but as for words of affs

”_____ I love you”

”…”

”I love you, _____”

”okay?..”

”your supposed to say it back!”

”I said okay”

”say you love me too!!”

”so what’s the troupes plans?”

”stop changing the subject!”

bro is never getting that I love you 🤦‍♀️

gifts??

”_____ I got you a gift!” *insert him handing you something you really love that he found out through hacking not from you*

“I don’t want it”

”liar! This is your favorite!! Just accept it ___”

“Put it on the table..”

*que shalnark dropping his shoulders with a dull look while tossing it on the table

he knows your never gonna touch it

or at least never let him see

as far as quality time that’s the one he gets away with the most

LOL

he could spend all day with you and you really wouldn’t say anything

following you around and such

the fact that you never do lets him know you do love him

eventually he figures it might be your love language

If someone in your past did this to you?

you can bet he tracked them down and gave them to feitan >:)

he didn’t tell him what they did tho he just said ‘hey here’s another victim’

now he’s not really a torture guy but we know he is somewhat apathetic himself

maybe even sadistic

either way he definitely watched this torture session

he wouldn’t want to miss out on the pain of the one(s) who hurt you

he likely tells you afterwards to see your reaction

he could tell if it still traumatizes you based on that and if it is he tries extra hard to get you to open back up

if not he’s kinda back to square one..

About the light threats

he’d threaten to reveal embarrassing moments and secrets of yours if you don’t give him a kiss in the next 24 hours

the first time he did this you glared thinking he would

but after you found out it was empty you ignored all other threats

the reason you ignored the first one was you didn’t really like people anyway so you were kinda just like forget it, whatever

If you did give him the kiss- PROGRESSSSSSSSS

finally⁉️

you don’t fall for it twice after you realize it was empty though

but this means your not against it! You just prefer not to!

and now it’s confirmed you love him!!

YIPPIE

I hope you enjoyed your hcs anon! they were a bit short but i like the ending :)

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE SHALNARK HCS RN!! (I love the gif i put of him)

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thewulf · 1 year

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Honeybee || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: hi! Can you write a hotch x reader one shot based on the episode where Hayley’s dad says he still hates Hotch for Hayley’s death in s10 and obviously his words hurt Hotch and hotch then is like obviously really sad and hurt and pulls away from reader unintentionally which starts a argument but with fluff at the end? Like angst / fluff

A/N: Okay this def turned more into a comfort/fluff rather than super angsty/fluff... hope you still like it anon :)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 3.1k +

Your phone buzzed on the desk that you were working away at. Not thinking much of it you turned it over seeing Aaron’s name flashing on the screen. Heart sinking down your chest you knew it was never a good thing when he called during the middle of a workday. Was it Jack? Was he hurt? Was it Jessica? Does she need some time away from the whole situation? Before you could spiral any further you answered nervously, “Aaron…” Trailing off you didn’t know what to say. You knew what you were getting into when you happily agreed to be his girlfriend six months ago. But these calls still made you nervous.

“Honey… slight change of plans.” You knew he was supposed to be on a flight to Maryland right now working on the next case. He was definitely not supposed to be on the phone with you in what sounded to be like his vehicle.

“Everything alright?” Hesitating to even ask the question you could hear the tension in his voice.

He paused. Everything was certainly not alright, “It’s Roy. Haley’s father. He’s in the hospital. He was arrested for trying to break and enter into a store this morning. Doctors think it��s Alzheimer’s. Jessica needs some help.” He alluded to why he wasn’t on the teams jet to Maryland.

Your heart absolutely broke for the man you’d slowly fallen in love with. He’d been through so much in the last few years and now this? It’s like life was out to get him and couldn’t be stopped, “Oh, my love, I’m so sorry.” Work didn’t seem so important anymore, “Can I help at all?”

He smiled softly hearing your concern through the phone. He just knew by the tone of your voice how much you cared. You cared about everything that related to him. You always understood too. He had to cancel on countless plans on you due to work or something coming up with Jack. You always handled it in grace. He thought you were far too patient with him. And it scared him a little much. What happens when your patience runs out? Would he fuck it up with you? He hadn’t a clue how he managed to convince you to not only go out with him but stay through the shit-show that his life was unfolding out to be.

Aaron never expected for his personal life to explode in his face the way it did so dramatically. He had let the one thing he promised never to happen, happen. His work life bled into his personal one. He’d lost the mother to his son. A woman he once loved so dearly to somebody who had it out for him. It took years of counseling and therapy for Aaron to see it as anything but his fault. Then you came along. Sweeping him right off his feet. He didn’t think he was ready for a relationship, but he decided to try. Especially when he saw the look on your face when he agreed to that first date. Of course, you made the first move, it was so you.

He hated asking you for help, but he needed it desperately. He always used you as an absolute last resort. Never wanting you to feel obligated to his life’s mess, “Can you grab Jack from school? I left the car seat in the house for Jess but she’s going to be busy. I’m going to stay back and help. Team is heading off to Maryland right now.” You heard him sigh through the phone.

“You got it.” You knew the situation was tense, but you couldn’t stop the smile that now crossed your face. It was a big step getting him to accept your help. He often went out of his way to not ask you for help. He didn’t want to burden you, “Jack and I will have the best afternoon.” You said trying your best to reassure him.

“Thank you honey. I’m so sorry. I really am.” Not wanting him to spiral you decided to interrupt him.

“Don’t apologize Aaron. It’s something out of your control. I’m more than happy to help. Please don’t stress yourself out about it. Your team will handle the case in Maryland, I’ll handle Jack. You and Jess help out Roy. Okay?” Knowing you needed to lay out the plan plain and simple for him you were met with silence this time.

“Sound okay Aaron?” You asked again hoping he wasn’t too far lost in his head.

“Yeah, alright. Thank you.”

“You got it. Call me later alright? When you get the chance.”

He nodded his head knowing you couldn’t see him. He knew he needed to give in and let you help but it was hard for him. He was so used to doing everything his way. But for his sanity and Jack’s he knew he had to let you all the way in. Had to, “Sounds good bee. I love you.”

You smiled at the nickname he had given you. He’d initially just called you honey which then morphed into honeybee. That was then shorted to just bee. His bee. His favorite one. You found it adorable, no other man had been so sweet to you like he had been.

“Love you handsome. Talk to you soon.” You clicked the phone off before the inevitable back and forth. Looking at the clock you cursed a little knowing Jack’s school was 45 minutes away and he was out in about an hour. Saying a quick goodbye to your coworkers you slid out of the office an hour too early. You decided to risk it knowing the bosses wouldn’t even likely notice.

Standing outside your car you stood on your tip toes trying to spot the little Hotchner. Knowing he’d be looking for Jess and not you. Waving to him as soon as you saw him he shot you the sweetest little smile and wave before running up to you, “Y/N! You’re here!” He pulled on your shirt in excitement.

Leaning down you gave him a squeeze, “I am buddy! Your Aunt Jess had something come up, so she asked me to come get you. Hope that’s okay.” You grinned down at the overexcited little boy. You and Jack got along so well so quick. He was the happiest little kid for everything he’s had to go through in his short life.

“Yeah!” He hugged your side squeezing tight, “I’m so excited!”

He immediately released the tension you had been holding onto all day. You’d texted Aaron a few times with no response. Worry quickly consumed you by hour three of not hearing back from him. Thankfully Jack was the perfect distraction from your worrying mind, “Hey Jack? What do you say we go home. Get you changed and head to the park. Maybe get some ice cream after?” You asked him as you buckled him into the car seat.

“Are you serious?” His eye grew wide with excitement, “Can I bring my dinosaurs?”

The grin turned into a full out smile feeling his excitement through your body, “You can absolutely bring your dinosaurs to the park little J.”

“Daddy never lets me!” He started laughing knowing he caught you in a catch 22. You’d already told him he could bring them knowing it wasn’t usually allowed.

Shaking your head, you shut the door before climbing into the driver’s seat, “Well, let’s not tell daddy then.” Hearing his snicker in the back seat sent you into a fit of laughter. Who knew one so little could make you feel so much better just through the joy he brought? That was Jack Hotchner. The little light that kept shining.

“Okay!” He clapped his hands together knowing the two of you now had a secret. You knew it wasn’t a great thing for him to pick up on but what was a little white lie? That’s life.

The two of you chatted the entire way home from school and to the park. You’d learned his best friend, Dylan, had a crush on a girl that Jack thought was gross. You tried convincing him that girls weren’t gross, but he wasn’t having any of that.

Jack was too smart for his own good. He told you about how he watched the other kids and always knew what they were going to do before they seemed to know. That was all Aaron shining right through his baby. It amazed you how quickly children picked up on their environment. Jack was no exception, the sponge that he was.

Lucky for you, all the running around with dinosaur’s tired the poor kid right on out. After making him some mac and cheese for dinner he fell asleep right on your lap while watching cartoons. It all felt so right. A domestic life you craved. To be running your hands through his hair as he held on to you fast asleep.

You were woken up by the soft click of the front door. The daylight had completely vanished. Aaron turned on the kitchen lights not expecting to see you and Jack cuddling on the couch just a room away. For as awful as the day had turned out to be the sight before him made him realize it would be okay. He had the right people in his life. He had you.

His sour mood from the shitty day immediately vanishing seeing your sleepy face waking up. Your arms were holding Jack tightly as you contorted making sure he was comfortable. He noticed that. You were always making sure that Jack was okay. You always checked in on him making sure to show that his opinions mattered. He genuinely mattered to you. Just one of the things that made Aaron fall so easily in love with you.

“Hey, you’re home.” You wiped the sleep away from your eyes careful not to wake Jack up. Peeking at the clock you saw it was nearing midnight.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered walking over to the both of you quietly. You shook your head quickly placing your finger over your mouth, “Shh, no apologies needed.” Carefully you shimmied yourself out from underneath Jack. Scooping him up in your arms you went to go put him to bed. Aaron watched in awe as you took control of the situation so effortlessly. Following behind closely he wanted to make sure to tuck his son in as well. While Jack might not have remembered it Aaron cherished every night he was able to spend at home with him sleeping a few rooms away. Even if it was for just a few hours.

You watched as Aaron leaned down whispering a few words to his sleeping boy. He kissed his head softly before pulling the comforter up over top of him. You fell in love with him even further watching the tenderness of the situation before you. Sure, Aaron had his flaws. But so did you. And everyone. Everything else about him made up for the flaws.

Shutting the door behind him you followed Aaron back downstairs, “Everything alright?” You asked moving towards him. Thankfully he didn’t shy away from your touch. Sometimes after more stressful cases he just couldn’t be touched by you. It was all too much for him. You understood, it just hurt sometimes. When all you wanted was to snuggle up to him when he needed space. You caressed his arm through his suit jacket hoping he could feel it through the thick suit.

He opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it. Thinking. The man was always thinking. Overthinking all too often, “No. Not really.” He admitted.

You felt your heart racing. He was confiding in you. It wasn’t like he hadn’t before, but it was a rarity when he did. You’d find him bottling up and shoving his emotions to the side. But he needed you right now, “What happened handsome?” You pressed a little further unsure if he wanted to tell.

He smiled before gently kissing your forehead, “He’s got Alzheimer’s, clearly. Very clearly” He paused before pulling you into his chest.

As much as you loved the feeling you knew that wasn’t it, “That all?” You asked pulling your head out of the embrace.

He shook his, “No.”

You let him just hold you before pressing him further. You knew he would spill in due time, if he wanted to. Never wanting to pressure him you always asked though, “Care to share?”

He took a long breathe in and a steady one out before pulling you over the couch you and Jack were occupying moments before. Pulling you down into his lap you let him sit there and hold you. It wasn’t that often that he was here, present, and fully there. These were moments you prayed would happen more often but never seemed to come around enough. So, you cherished them. Even when they were tenser moments like these.

He sighed knowing he needed to tell you. He had to get it off his chest or he’d keep thinking about it over and over again. Ruminate for no reason, “He kept blaming me for her death.” You knew immediately what he was referring to. Pulling him closer you started running your hands through his hair, just like you had Jack earlier on in the night, “He just… wouldn’t stop. Kept going on about it. How he’d never forget. Even with the damn disease.” You looked at his expressive face as he laid it on you, everything that Roy had laid on him through the afternoon.

“Hon, you know that’s not true right?” You asked quietly continuing to play with his hair. You knew it was a weakness for the man. For both the Hotchner boys you found out quickly and used it against them as often as you could. You just hoped it was helping him, even if it was just a little.

He nodded quickly, “I know. Trust me, I know. It just, he messed with my head.” He didn’t care to elaborate so you simply snuggled in closer to him. Breathing him in. It didn’t matter that he spent his morning in a hospital and the afternoon in somebody else’s home, he still smelled like Aaron. He became your home. Your safe space.

After a few moments of silence, you squeezed his side, “You’re one of the best people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. I get that I didn’t know you back then, but I do know that you were the same. I know how fucking hard you tried to save her. I know how unfair it’s been on you. I love you beyond words Aaron. I just hope you love yourself just a little. You give so much for everyone else. Give a little bit back to yourself too sometimes.”

He listened to your every word before responding. Nodding his head at you, “I’ll try to. I know I’m not the best at it, but I’ll try to.”

“Yeah?” You pulled away from his chest smiling at him.

He nodded giving you a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’m not perfect. I’ll never be. So, you’ll have to call me out when I run back into old habits. But I’ll try. For you. For Jack.”

“Okay.” You grinned giving him a long kiss this time. Getting a little tired of the short kisses that seemed to miss your lips, “By the way, I think your nearly perfect. If that means anything.” You grinned brushing your fingers down the side of his face.

“Honey, that means the world to me.” He returned the favor by gently cradling your face in his hands before kissing you much more deeply this time, “I love you.”

“And I love you.” You grinned in confirmation.

“Let’s get going to bed. Jack will wake us up in a few hours wanting pancakes or something.” Aaron looked at the time getting closer to on in the morning.

You grinned letting him pull you up right out of the spot you’d been occupying on his lap, “Jack’s worth losing sleep over though. I’ll happily make pancakes with him at six in the morning.”

Aaron laughed before setting you down on the ground, “You say that before he tries waking you up then. I take it you two had a good night?”

You nodded in confirmation, “True.” You laughed a little before continuing, “I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it in the morning though.”

He grabbed your hand holding it tight, “In the morning then.”

You yawned nodding your head while leaning into his chest not really caring how clingy you were being. All you wanted was him.

Feeling his laugh, you smiled to yourself. At least you were able to make him smile. You were never the best with words so being able to make him laugh it off or smile in your presence was always a win in your book.

“Let’s get to bed before you fall asleep standing up.” You couldn’t see his expression in the dark, but you just knew he was smirking at you.

“Sure thing.” You didn’t make any effort to move only leaning further into him.

“Alright.” He scooped you right on up in your arms, “I get the hint stubborn ass.” He held you tight not even the slightest bit mad you wanted him to carry you up to sleep. He adored moments like these.

“That’s why they pay you the big bucks boss man.” Sleepily you grinned to yourself knowing you had him there. He was literally paid to observe and predict.

Gently, he laid you down on the bed pulling you into his side ignoring that comment, “Y/N?” He asked seeing if you were still coherent before continuing.

“Yeah?” You answered him still there.

“Thank you for everything today. And in general. I don’t thank you enough.” He gently rubbing a thumb over your hip knowing that was one of your many weaknesses. Truth be told almost anything Aaron did was a weakness for you.

“Of course. That’s what partners do. They help each other when they need it. I love you Aaron Hotchner. Every little bit of you.” Your eyes fluttered closed as he kept brushing his hand over your side. Soothing you right to sleep.

“I love every bit of you too honeybee.” He kissed the back of your head drifting off to sleep right behind you. For as odd as the relationship was with him sometimes you’d never change it. Not in a million years. Especially as you were snuggled up to him in a dreamless sleep.

Taglist: @genius2050 @simp4f1 @buckybarnessweetheart

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littlespacereader · 2 months

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Okay, so! @shadowlord23 and I were rant and raving about criminal minds, you know, as one would. We were talking about (spoilers) the season where Spencer gets arrested and is stuck in prison. @shadowlord23 made a great point to say “Well what if that happened and he was a caregiver?” CUE MY BRAIN EXPLODING WITH POSSIBILITIES!

I will warn those about to read this. It’s not the usual happy and fluffy fics I usually write. While I did give this a happy ending, the rest of the fic is sad and definitely hurt/comfort up until that point. Please be warned it’s a sad story for the most part.

While in my eyes I see it as Safe for work because I never write anything NSFW or anything +18, I didn’t put the SFW tag on here because of it’s darker tone. But please know that is doesn’t have any graphic violence or anything +18.

This story is one I enjoyed greatly writing! I loved the different type of story, one a bit angsty. Please let me know if you enjoy it! Thank you again for the idea @shadowlord23 ! 🥹🙌

Through the Glass📞

Caregiver! Spencer Reid & GN Little! Reader (plus BAU Family)

Tags - tantrums, lots of crying, hurt and comfort, BAU family unite!, hugs, forehead kisses, happy ending, angst…a lot of it, but a strong CG and Little connection,

TW- mentions of violence, mentions of weapons, talk of police, being ripped away from a cg, going to a prison

They explained the plan me not once but three times. Its supposed to be a simple, Spencer goes into the drug deal alone, he pretends to be the seller in order to get the buyer to show up and somehow manages to get this buyer to confess to the murder of our cases victim.

But there was plenty of things that could go wrong. What if the buyer got spooked and shot at him? What if the government didn’t agree with what we were doing? What if-

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Spencer asked looking concerned.

Spencer and I sat together on the bed in our hotel room. Apparently this plan had already been approved by the team…all but me.

“You told the team first because you knew I wouldn’t be okay with it.” I stated the facts plain and simply. I don’t lift my head up, instead I play this plan over and over in my head.

Spencer sighed before nodding his head, “I know it’s risky-.”

“Risky?! Risky isn’t even the word for it! Spencer you could get shot, arrested or kidnapped?!” I look into his eyes, frantic and scared.

“I know. But you also know that all of that could happen outside of this case too.”

“It doesn’t make it okay…”I cross my arms and look away.

“It doesn’t.” Spencer sat closer, wrapping an arm around me, pulling me into a hug.

Spencer wasn’t a hugging type of person but with me he’s the most cuddly person alive. He knew I needed the comfort in this moment, needed the closeness.

“I just-…I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” I turned and cried into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“And nothing will happen. The team will be monitoring everything. You will be monitoring everything with the team. But…”

“But what?”

“But if something was to happen-“

“Don’t say that! You said-.”

“Nothing is going to go wrong but I also don’t want to leave you without knowing what to do if something did happen.” Spencer quickly explained. “If something did go wrong, I would want you to listen to either your Uncles or your Aunts, okay? They would know what to do.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about this. The BAU is my family. Rossi, Hotch, and Morgan are my uncles while Emily, JJ and Garcia are my aunts. But I didn’t want to go to Uncle Hotch or Aunt Emily. I just want him to be okay.

“B-But you’re going to be okay?”

“I’m going to try my hardest to be okay.” He hugged back tightly. “In and out. Then after we’re done and back home, I promise a certain someone that we would go to the aquarium right?” He said, bouncing the Little in his arms.

“To see the sharks?” They lifted their head up.

“Yes sweet love to see the shark. Just like you wanted. It’s a date, just you, me and the sharks. A Caregiver and Little date. And if it’s a really nice day I may be persuaded to get someone some ice cream after.”

He knew bargaining wasn’t the best tactic when it came to discussing something so important but he knew it would put Y/N mind as ease for the time being. Soon enough they started to relax a bit more in his arms. The once worried adult turned calm Little in his arms.

“And see the fishy?” They lifted their head off his shoulder.

“Yeah all the fish you can imagine!”

“Nemo?”

“Yup. I’m sure they’ve got Nemo there. Maybe even Dory.”

“Wow!”

“I think they also have jellyfish and a starfish.”

“Like Patrick?”

Spencer laughed, “Yes sweetheart just like Patrick.”

“But for now my starfish has to go to bed. We have a big day tomorrow.” Spencer brought them into his arms and laid them down on the bed with him, their head resting on his chest. He leaned over and turned off the lamp.

The two sat like that, just holding onto each other before the stressful day tomorrow planned on bringing.

Out of the darkness, a simple question.

“You’ll be okay, right?”

“I’ll be okay Y/N,” he leaned down and kissed their forehead, “I’ll be okay.”

~~~

There’s a lot of problems with this mission. For one, the BAU was working in a country with a government that wasn’t the fondest of America. Their government is mostly corrupt, and while they knew of our presence and what our case was about, there’s a whole lot of trust issues between the two of us.

The next problem was the setup itself. The team and I would be set up far away from Spencer. Close enough to see the setup with binoculars but far away that yelling would have no real reach. This made it so we could spy on everything but have cover so it wouldn’t create suspicion. The biggest issue with this is it made it so if something went wrong we would be too far away to do much about it.

That plus the million other probabilities played in my head on loop. With the binoculars in hand I looked again to the setup, knowing Spencer would be arriving soon.

“Y/N?”

Morgan placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. Everyone on the team must’ve known I was beyond stressed about this plan. And if they didn’t, they could just profile me and tell immediately. Can’t get away with anything when your Cargiver and Aunts and Uncles are profilers.

“Doing alright there kid?”

And if all else failed and the profiling didn’t help, then the fact they’re all Caregivers would’ve given them all they need to know about me.

It wasn’t a secret to the team that I’m a Little. They’ve all known for years, some even babysitting me. They still respect me as a member of the BAU regardless of my need for regression.

“Yeah, just nervous.” I reply back.

“Really? Because I couldn’t tell. I thought everyone grips binoculars that tightly.”

I looked down at my white knuckles around the binoculars and quickly let them go.

“Y/N, Spencer is going to be-.”

“If you say ‘Spencer is going to be fine’ I’ll lose it.” I quickly say, nerves getting to me.

“Sorry Morgan you don’t deserve that. I just-…” I look out to the scene once more before looking back to him, “They couldn’t have chosen someone else to do this? Like someone not on our team? Someone who’s not my Caregiver?”

“I know, I agree with you. But the higher ups fought Rossi and Hotch tooth and nail to get this setup underway. The government seems to really want this guy in for questioning.”

Before I had a chance to argue, Hotch walked over and interrupted, “Everyone get into positions, Reid is on his way.”

And so it begins. Spencer’s car pulls up to the building. He gets out and immediately goes into the building. JJ and Hotch sit together listening to the microphones hidden in the building while I watch the building with Morgan, while Emily and Rossi monitor all the other areas surrounding it.

20 minutes goes by with nothing, no sight of the unsub or anyone else. My nerves start to get to me. My binoculars shake as I hold them up again, looking at the building once more.

“The unsub is here, 3 o’clock.” Emily calls out.

I turn my binoculars to look and sure enough there he is, white suv pulling up to the building. They enter the building and from there I feel as though I can’t breathe.

JJ relays to us in bits and pieces what’s being said and what’s happening. I keep my eyes on the building hoping to just see Spencer give us the signal to move in.

“Guys we’ve got activity at 9 o’clock.” Morgan calls out.

“What?” I turn my head to look. There shouldn’t be any activity outside of the building, not before we move in.

“What the hell is that?!” Rossi calls out angrily.

I turn my binoculars to look. Not one but six black SUV’s speed towards the building. I look in horror towards the team.

“Who is that?!”

“I don’t know.” Morgan replies looking through his own binoculars.

“They’re going to mess with the setup! What if the unsub shoots Reid? What if these people shoot him?” I start to yell out, but no one seems to hear. Everyone’s eyes are on the building as the SUVs pull up.

Once the SUVs reach the building squad patrols exit the car and start rushing into the building. Men and women in swat gear and assault rifles storm the building from the outside. The SUV outside turn their lights on.

Hotch grabs an extra pair and look to the building as well, “This isn’t drug related. They’re government swat teams.” Hotch almost sighs saying. He knew the implications, this was about to get a lot more complicated.

I kept looking towards the building with my binoculars. The world around me almost frozen in fear.

“Doesn’t the government know we’re working out here?” JJ asked.

“They do but they have jurisdiction over us when it comes to crime related issues.” Rossi replied.

“What the hell does that mean?” Morgan asked, getting angry himself.

“It means whatever happens is out of our hands till we reach an agreement with their government.” Hotch sighed again before looking to me.

I wasn’t listening to a word they were saying. I couldn’t. Reid hadn’t come out of that building yet and I wasn’t going to move till he did.

Then suddenly…

The swat patrol pushes the Unsub from the building, handcuffed and bleeding from his head. “They’ve got the Unsub in custody! Maybe Spencer talked to them.”

But just as I finished my sentence, another swat officer came out of the building with Spencer, hands behind his back cuffed, a black eye and a bleeding lip. The sight made my heart stop.

“They’ve…They’ve got Reid.” I say looking in horror.

“What?!” JJ grabbed a pair of binoculars and looked as well.

“They’re arresting him too. They must think he’s in on it.” Morgan tried to reason.

“W-We can go over there and tell them he’s not!” I put the binoculars down. “Come on, we can get in the SUV and tell them!” I practically begged to Hotch, pulling on his arm. But by the looks on his face, the answer was one I wasn’t going to like.

“Y/N,” Hotch said sincerely, trying to take my hand but started shaking my head, back up as tears began to fall down from my face.

“No! No! We can all get in the SUV and we can go get him! He can’t just be arrest for something he didn’t even do?!” My regression wrapped around me like a vice as my panic blossomed. What’s as going to happen to my Caregiver?!

“Y/N we don’t have jurisdiction here. We are not allowed to get involved with their government.” Rossi tried to say.

“I don’t care what we’re allowed to do! It’s Spencer!! We can’t leave him there!” At this point was was practically yelling, begging the team to do something, but they all just looked at me with worried and concerned eyes. Not the same eyes of my team, but eyes of Caregiver’s worried about a Little.

“Kid, I’m sorry.” Morgan started to say realizing that they were right. There is no other way.

“No! NOOOOO! No! I won’t let him be taken away! I WON’T!” I stomp my foot twice, screaming at the team. I couldn’t help but let my frustration and anxiety get the better of me. I couldn’t stop worrying about him.

“Y/N, honey we have to go. If we don’t and they come here, we’ll all be arrest on conspiracy.” Emily tried to explain.

“I’m not leaving him!” I cried out as tears fell from my eyes, “I’m not! If you won’t go get him, then I will! You can all leave without me!” I take my binoculars and throw them towards the team before storming off and walking towards Spencer direction.

In reality there was no way I could walk there on my own. But I wasn’t thinking logically. I just wanted him so badly and I wasn’t going to stop till I got him.

Hotch and Morgan shared a look before Hotch nods his head, almost giving Morgan permission. Morgan nodded back before he runs over, catching up with me.

“I’m sorry about this kid but you’re going to have to trust us on this.” With one swift motion Morgan picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. “Right now, we know what’s best.”

I absolutely lose it. I start kicking and screaming as Morgan carries be back towards the team. “Noooooo!!! Dadeee!!” I called out, my arms stretched towards the building in the far distance. “NOOOOO!!!”

“Pack the essentials back into the car. We need to leave immediately.” Hotch orders.

Everyone starts rushing around and throwing things into the trunk. By the time Morgan comes back to the SUV I’m just crying, begging to be put down, crying out for Spencer.

Morgan helps me into the backseat and quickly buckled me before I had a chance to bolt again. JJ sits to my right and Emily to my left.

“It’s going to be alright sweetheart. It’s going to be okay.” The two of them say back and forth. But I can’t be consoled. I just cry and cry and cry, clinging onto JJ for comfort, wishing it was Spencer instead.

~~~

Everyone glances back to check on Y/N as the car drives back to the hotel. All worried about Y/N and about Spencer. Their priority is to go somewhere secure to talk, one without anyone listening.

Eventually Y/N’s cries die down to little sniffs and silent tears. Every so often someone tried to talk to them but they stayed silent, in shock from the events of the evening. That worries the team more.

Arriving back at the hotel, the team split into two. Hotch, Rossi and Emily split off to make phone calls and see what they could do about Spencer while Morgan, and JJ stayed with Y/N.

JJ lead the way and Morgan followed behind with Y/N in his arms. The Little just played with the collar of his shirt but doesn’t say anything. Silent tears fall from their eyes as they rest their head on his shoulder.

“Is it okay that they’re so quiet?” Morgan whispered to JJ.

“They’re in shock right now. I think it’s going to take them a moment.” JJ answered back.

With Y/N keycard, they opened the door to there and Spencer’s hotel room. The moment there were back in the room though, the shock start to dissipate.

They lifted their head off Morgan’s shoulder and looked to the bed, almost as if they were expecting Spencer to be in the room. When he wasn’t, they wriggled and pushed to be put down.

“Okay, kiddo just give me a second,” Morgan said as he gentle put them down.

Immediately the moment they were set on the ground they took off, searching the bathroom, the closets and the rest of the room, as if Spencer was hiding somewhere.

Morgan went to go to Y/N but JJ stopped him. “They need to figure this out themselves.” She said softly. Her eyes looked so sad as she watched Y/N look for Spencer in the room.

But everywhere they looked, he was still gone.

Even though it wasn’t a new realization, it hit Y/N as if it is was. They stopped and looked at Spencer’s jacket thrown over the desk chair.

How simply the morning was, the two of them getting ready for the mission tonight. The storybook he read the night before sat absent on the nightstand.

The whole room had the makings of Spencer. All without him being there.

Tears started to fall from Y/N eyes again. They grabbed his jacket and wrapped it around their shoulders.

Everything became so overwhelming at once. The reality of the day was setting in. When would they ever see him again? Would they ever see him again? Would they ever be able to get him out of prison?

Too many unanswered question rattled around in their mind. And with it? Anger. Anger about the fact this happened, about the fact they warned Spencer about doing this, and about the fact they couldn’t do anything about it.

So, like any toddler would. They began to throw a tantrum. First it was cry, and screaming. Then it was throwing every pillow off the bed and onto the ground. Then it was every blanket.

This time JJ wanted to step in and try to comfort Y/N but Morgan stopped her for a moment. “Like you said, they need a moment. This time I think to let it out.”

~~~

An hour later Hotch, Rossi and Emily walked into the room, only to find it looking like a tornado had passed through. Every pillow was on the ground along with the blankets and sheets. Clothes from their suitcases were also everywhere.

JJ was sat on the bed next to a crying and screaming Y/N. She gently tried to rub circles on their back to calm them down but it didn’t seem to be helping. Morgan was standing by the door, unsure how to help.

When the rest of the BAU came into the room, both Morgan and JJ looked exhausted. Hotch quickly stepped in, Emily following closely behind to help JJ out and give her a well needed break.

Once JJ got up Hotch replaced her spot, sitting close to Y/N. Emily took a seat on their other side. All the commotion got the attention of Y/N who stopped crying and screaming for a moment and lifted their head off the bed.

They quickly looked to Emily, tears stained face, “Dadee? Come home?” They simply asked.

Emily looked to Hotch then back to Y/N before replying, “Y/N, getting Spencer back is going to be a bit more complicated than we expected.” She starts to explain.

Rossi join the two, standing near the end of the bed, “We talked with our higher ups and updated them on the situation but…we need to give our reports and we need to start a lot of paper work before we can start the work to get him out.”

Y/N looked between Rossi and Emily confused, what did this mean for Dadee? What did this mean for them?

Hotch right away noticed the confusion. He places a hand on their shoulder, “Y/N, in order to begin working on getting Spencer out of prison, we need to go back to the U.S.” He let those words sink in.

And boy did they sink in like an anchor. Though it seemed impossible at this point, fresh tears started to fall from Y/N’s eyes. “W-We can’t leave him here.” They said in a broken voice.

“We’re not going to sweetheart. I promise we’re not. But for right now we have to head back home so we can begin the process of getting him out. And to do that we need to leave this country just for a little while.” Emily explained taking their hand.

“But we can’t, he’s stuck here! We can’t leave!! I-I don’t have…anyone…” Y/N tried to say before going hysterical again. It was all too much. Too much information at once. They were just about to start hyperventilating.

Hotch, making an executive decision, pulled the Little into his arms and cradled their head on his shoulder. Y/N held onto him tightly, crying into his shoulder. He started gently rocking and bouncing them in his arms.

“Y/N, breath. Take deep breaths with me.” Hotch guides them, helping them out of their hyperventilating.

“You’re not alone Y/N. I can promise you that.” Hotch lifted his head from Y/N and looked at his team of Caregivers. Though he didn’t ask, he knew that they would all be willing to step in and help take care of Y/N while they tried to free Spencer.

“We’ve got you.”

~~~

Four months had passed by. Four long months. It feel like just yesterday I saw Spencer arrested and pulled away. Every day I hope he’s okay and wonder what’s happening across the ocean in that prison he’s stuck in. It leaves me with crazy anxiety.

As for me? I’ve been the traveling Little. Every week I go to a different BAU members house. One week I’m with Hotch, the next I’m with Emily, then Morgan and so on. They’ve all treated me so nice and each house feels like a home with them.

They’ve all comforted me through the process of dealing with the temporary loss of my caregiver. Late nights waking up to the same nightmare. Hotch running into the room and comforting me through a crying fits. Or Garcia making me a cup of coco as a special treat.

They all really live up to their nickname BAU Family.

It’s been months and we aren’t even scratching the surface of getting Spencer out. It’s been killing me having to do this the paper work route and not just break him out myself…if I could.

But while they’re working on it back in the States, Morgan, Garcia, Emily and I made a trip back to the country to visit Spencer in prison.

I just…I need to see him. I need to see him again, talk to him again, and make sure with my own eyes he’s okay.

Once we arrived I stick close to Morgan, holding his hand tightly in mine as we stepped foot in the scary looking prison. I leaned close to his side as we walked down the scary hallways with prisoners yelling and shouting at us.

Finally we made it to the visiting room. Each section was like a small cubicle. A phone hung on each side of the wall with a piece of thick glass separating the visitors from the prisoners.

I promised myself I would try hard not to regress. I wanted to talk to him, see how he was doing and try to help him through the glass as much as I can. But as we entered the room, I could feel my regression screaming to take over.

The guard stopped us before we walked over. “It’s one at a time. And each of you only gets ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?!” Garcia said just as shocked as the rest of us.

“Yes only ten minutes each.”

“Could I give my time to them?” Emily asked, seeing that I was the most anxious to see Spencer.

“No. It’s ten minutes each. Your time starts now. Reid is at cubicle six.” And with that the cold hearted guard walked back to his post.

I looked up at Morgan who gave me a comforting smile, “It’s okay Y/N. Just go spend every minute you can with him.” I nod my head and begin moving to cubicle six. As I walk down the rows I see the other prisoners talking with their friends and family.

But nothing in this world will ever replace the feeling of reach that cubicle and seeing Spencer again.

He smiled warmly at me. His hair is much longer now and his face scruffy, two things I’ve never seen on Spencer before. I start to tear up seeing him. It’s been so long and I’ve been so worried about him. And now? Now he’s here right in front of me.

I immediately take my seat and grab the phone, Spencer does the same. There’s a moment I don’t even know what to say. All these emotions hitting me at once. Tears start to fall from my eyes as I look into his. Thankfully Spencer must’ve realized it and starts the conversation.

“Y/N! It’s so good to see you! I’ve missed you so much!” He smiles again, pure happiness ok his faces.

“I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been worried about you every day wonder that’s happening, what going on there, what’s-.”

“Y/N, Y/N,” he stops me, “I’m okay. I’ve been doing okay here. I promise.” He shared a sad smile with me. Though I know he was trying to reassure me, I didn’t believe him 100%.

“Your hair is so long!” I chuckle.

“It’s is. They don’t give haircuts here.” He joked.

“I like it. It looks nice on you having long hair.”

“Really? Huh. Maybe I’ll keep it then.” He adds pushing his hair back dramatically, I can’t help but chuckle.

“I think about you every day too. I haven’t forgotten our date you know.” He smiles, “The sharks are waiting for us.”

“Yeah…the sharks…” Memories flash back to how we ended up here. I look back up into his eyes, but they’re not the eyes of normal me. They’re the eyes of a Little.

“I miss you.” My voice cracks as more tears start to fall, “I miss your bedtime stories and your cuddles and your hugs.” I begin rambling.

I stop, looking back into his worried eyes, “I just want you back.” I place my hand on the glass, wishing and hoping it would somehow disappear.

He placed his hand on mine, the glass blocking us from actually touching. “I wish I was back with you too. I wish I could be giving you all the cuddle and snuggles you could ever want.”

“I’m working Dadee, I’m working every day to bring you home.” I don’t move my hand from the glass, tears still fall from my eyes as I look into Spencer eyes.

“I know you are darling, I know you are.” He smiles warmly.

“Tell me how you’ve been doing.” Spencer says, trying to change the subject to one more uplifting.

I begin explain everything that’s been happening while he’s been gone. Going between everyone’s houses, the adventures they’ve taken me on.

“Aunt Garcia taught me how to play animal crossing and Uncle Hotch almost set his kitchen on fire when he tried to cook.” I giggle.

“He almost killed my Little?” He joked back.

“No! I saved him with the fire extinguisher!” I say proudly.

“Wow!! I didn’t know you were a firefighter too?” Spencer smiles, making me smile as well.

“Uncle Morgan is trying to get me into jogging with him.” I can’t help but chuckle.

Spencer laughs and smiles, “He’s trying to get you into jogging?“

“Yeah but can’t keep up with him. He’s too fast.”

“I don’t think we’ve jogged a day in our lives.” Spencer laughs some more.

“We haven’t!” I laugh as well, “We just walk in the park. Not running or jogging. Just walking.” I smile, thinking about all the times we’ve walked through the park to our favorite spot. We sit on a blanket together as he reads and I lay down and watch the cloud roll by.

I start rambling, “Me and Mr. Bear have been making a list of all the things we want to do when you’re back. We’ll have tea party, and go to the park, and-.”

“TIME’S UP!” I heard the prison guard yell down to me.

I look over worried then back to Spencer. “No!” I cry out. Looking back at him, trying to memorize his face before they come to get me. “I don’t want to go! I can’t go! Please don’t go!!”

My hand doesn’t leave the window, I hold my hand there not quite ready to take it away. Not ready to leave him. “Please don’t leave! Please!” My eyes meets his, mine looking worried while his look sad. I start to cry.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I promise you I’m going to be okay. I want you to know how much I love you and that I’m thinking of you every day. And how I can’t wait for the day you’ll be back my arms again.” Spencer quickly starts to say, trying to get every last word in.

“Dadee,” I try to catch my breath, “I don’t want to leave you again.” I choke out, trying to catch my breath between sobs.

“We’re not saying goodbye forever bug, we’re just saying goodbye for now.” The world seems to pause for a second as he looks at me and says, “I’ll see you again. I’ll see you soon.”

I nod my head, tears still falling from my face. “I love you.”

Spencer smiled back at me, “I love you too Y/N. I love you so-.”

~~~

Y/N turns to look away from the glass and off to the side. They put their phone down and start shaking their head to someone. Spencer can’t see what they’re looking at or who they’re talking to.

Spencer’s heart shatters as Morgan comes over, placing a hand on their shoulder before he scopes Y/N into his arms. Morgan and Spencer don’t get to talk, but the small nod and look in Morgan’s eye tells him everything he needs to know. Y/N’s in his safe hands.

He watches as Y/N turns and cries into Morgan’s shoulder as he carries them away. With one final glance, the Caregiver and Little lock eyes before Y/N is carried off.

The moment Y/N is out of sight, Spencer breaks down. Trying to put a tough face on for Y/N in showing that he’s alright. But he isn’t. He’s always running the risk of getting beaten up. He’s gotten into one or two of fight which didn’t end well for him. It’s hard being a cop in prison, let alone an FBI agent.

Spencer looks down, crying into his hand. The tough front of ‘everything’s okay’ drops and he’s finally able to let it out. His heart breaks for Y/N. He’s supposed to be there taken care of them, and instead he’s lock up, countries away. All the moments he’s missing out on, all the time.

The phone picks up and someone sits across from him. He doesn’t lift his head till they start talking.

“Reid, I’m so sorry.” Emily tries to say. “These guards aren’t happy with us being here to begin with, and you and I know Y/N would happily fight all of them to have more time with you.”

Spencer wiped his tears and nods. “How-,” he clears his throat, trying not to sound so upset, “How have they been doing?”

“I won’t lie to you, it was definitely a grieving process in the beginning. Then it was getting used to traveling around to everyone’s house every week. But,” She looks off to where Morgan is, holding Y/N in his arms, lightly bouncing them and rubbing their back, “But I think they’re finally starting to settled with us, comfortable regressing.”

She looks into his eyes and shares a comforting smile with him, “They’re doing okay.”

Spencer nods his head taking it all in, “That’s great to hear. I’ve been so worried they haven’t adjusted well, or they’ve been upset about everything.” He rambles.

“They have their moment but they need to have their moments of crying and being upset. Sometimes they need to let it out. I’m just thankful they have people to care for them and allow them a safe space to let it out.” Emily shared a small smile with Spencer.

“So, let’s get down to business before they cut me off.” Emily places her brief case on the table and begins going over their plan for getting him out.

They talk a while longer before Emily’s time is up. Then just when he thought his visit was over, Garcia took a place infront of him.

“Spencer! I love your hair this length! You should keep it this way!” Garcia smiled.

“It’s good to see you too Penelope.”

“So! I’m sure Emily went over all the business stuff with you.” She starts to say, “I’m not here to talk business, I’m here to cheer you up and tell you Y/N’s okay.”

Spencer right away smiles sadly, nodding his head.

“How are they taking it?”

“Very rough, which is to be expected.” She says honestly, “But…they’re not fighting us or trying to go against our help. I think they realizes they need people they can regress freely around so they can process the situation.”

Spencer nods along, listening intently.

Garcia chuckles, “You should only see Hotch and Morgan with them. Talk about softies! You think they’re the toughest men of the BAU? You should only see them when they’re trying to cheer Y/N up. There’s not much they would do.”

Spencer join her in laughing, picture the two of them with Y/N. “That’s something I’d love to see.”

“And I know you will soon. Between our team’s efforts and Y/N determination to find a loophole in the system, you’ll be out of here soon enough.” She smiled warmly.

“I just wanted to take the time to tell you that we’re taking good care of Y/N. Emily paints their nails, JJ and Morgan takes them to the park, Hotch and Rossi have been teaching them how to cook, and I’ve been showing them every movie and playing every video games imaginable.”

Spencer smile again, “Thank you Garcia. Thank you for taking care of my Little one.”

“It’s been our pleasure.” She smiles back. “Hang in there, okay? We’ll see you soon.” She kissed her hand and pressed it to the glass.

Spencer did the same, sharing a small smile with her.

As she stood up and walk away, the guard behind him call his name, visiting hours were up. He sigh, standing up and walking back to his cell. Before he felt empty and now? Now he felt a small glimmer of hope.

~~~

Two more months later there we stood, outside the gates of the prisons waiting endlessly for Spencer. The whole BAU was here to ensure Spencer was brought out safe and sound.

I stood next to Hotch nervously picking at my nails as we waited. He grabbed my hand gently, stopping me from the nervous habit. “It’s okay Y/N. You have nothing to worry about.” He took my hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

“But what if-.”

“There’s nothing they can do to keep him in there.” Rossi cuts me off. “They have to release him today.” He reassured.

I nod my head, still not so sure. So there we wait, and wait, and wait.

“Did they give us a time?” JJ asks.

“They said 12 o’clock.” Emily replies.

“And it’s…” Morgan asks.

“It’s 1:37.”

We all sigh.

“If they don’t release him by 2 we’ll raise hell. But for now we’ll wait.” Hotch replies to the group. Looking to me and sharing a small smile.

So we wait some more.

I lean against Hotch’s arms watching the gate endlessly.

Suddenly there’s a loud alarm sound and the gate starts to open. I squeeze Hotch’s hand. “Is it Spencer? Is it him?” I look to him eagerly.

“Let’s wait a moment and see before we go over.” The group watch as the gate opens and a prisoner walks out.

There’s no denying who that is. His hair much longer, almost to his shoulders. His face unkept. But his smile towards the group is the most recognizable sign that it’s him.

I look to Hotch who gives me a smile and a nod.

With that I take off! I start running like my life depends on it. Spencer smile only grows as he sees me running towards him. He kneels down, opening his arms wide.

After months of being without him, it lead us to this moment. I tears fall from my eyes as I finally embrace him, running right into his arms. He wraps his arms around me and picks me up, spinning us around while hugging me tight against him.

We stop, just holding onto each other, tears running down both our faces. “Spencer!! Dadee! I miss you!! I missed you so much!” I cry into his shoulder, holding onto him to tightly.

“I miss you so much. I’ve thought about you every day, thought about this moment every day. I couldn’t wait to hug my little bug again.”

We’ve both been waiting for this moment forever. Long nights sleeping in my bed wishing I could just be cuddled up with Spencer, nightmares that I wish he could protect me from, adventures I wish he would take me on.

It was all over. I held onto with a tight grip. As if I didn’t he would disappear. Finally no more glass to separate us any longer. We are finally back together again. And we’re never leaving each others side.

We break apart but only for a moment as we look into each other’s eyes, “I did it. I got the paper work and I demanded they release you. I never stopped fighting for you.” I cry.

Spencer reaches up and wiped the tears away, “I couldn’t be more grateful for you. Thank you Y/N.” He pulls me back into a tight hug, kissing the side of my head.

The recovery was going to be a long one. Spencer was definitely going to need some time away from the BAU and so was Y/N. They needed to catch up on loss time and deal with what happened together. But for now…

“Now we can go to the aquarium!” I mumble, squish in our hug.

Spencer chuckles. We break apart and he takes my hand in mine. “It would be my honor to finally take you to the aquarium.” He smiles back.

Together we walk towards the rest of the team, hand in hand. Reunited at last.

“What fish are you most excited to see?” I asks as we walk.

“Maybe a star fish.” Spencer replies.

“A star fish?!”

“Yeah. What’s wrong with that?”

“But that’s not even a fish?”

“It’s close to a fish but not technically a fish.”

“Then why is it called star fish?”

“I…don’t actually know. We’ll just have to ask one when we see it.” Spencer smiles, squeezing my hand. I giggle at the silliness and squeeze his hand right back.

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