#I’m even more impressed with the movies now that I’ve read the books

[crowwithahotdog]

Anytime anyone used to say how the lord of the rings movies were too violent and battle-centric I always thought like yeah okay there are some pretty nasty parts for sure and I hadn’t read the books myself then so I couldn’t really argue but now that I’m actually reading the books I’m honestly surprised to see that a lot of the violence and horror that I had just assumed were added in to the movies for shock value and drama are things that are straight from the text. Like the Uruk hai head on a spike in two towers or the catapults shooting the men’s heads who had fallen at osgiliath over the walls of minas tirith…….that shit is fucked

[inthegoodbooks]

the hobbit (review)

Right, I know I am a million years late here (ok, more like 87) but jesus fucking christ I loved this book. I’ve been a fan of the Lord of the Rings films since I first saw them with my dad back in the early noughties but having never sat through an entire The Hobbit movie (soz) I didn’t know that much about the story of this one tbh. I knew there was a dragon? Some treasure? A group of dwarves and maybe one of them is gay and totally into Bilbo? (That may have been more tumblr’s version of events but I was willing to believe it and - guess what - still willing to believe it tbh.)

Some of my preconceived notions of course were accurate (ok, all of them) but what I didn’t anticipate was just how much I would bloody love it. Tolkien’s style gets a lot of praise, understandably so, but I wasn’t aware of just how much it would gel with me. Its almost satire-like humour was flawless, and it really gave me the impression of someone sitting me down to tell me a bedtime story; of course, this was exactly how these books were initially intended and it shows. But it works. I am totally of the opinion that this would make a fabulous audiobook, and I can’t wait to check them out in a couple of years once I’ve done my first proper read-through.

My favourite thing about this were the introductions we get to all of the different creatures, races and creeds in Middle Earth. The elves, goblins (orcs in later works) and eagles in particular were an absolute joy to read and get to know. Legoloas’ character in the films was always my favourite (my big queer crush on Orlando Bloom in a blonde wig may have had an influence there but we’re not here to talk about that…) so it was super fun to get to know some of the elves in this novel. I love the idea that the elves were fully just living their lives with Bilbo kicking about all invisible, making no noise whatsoever. The things he must have been privy to… I digress…

The eagles were a great introduction too. My partner and I watched The Return of the King on the night I finished this and I was so delighted to fully appreciate their significance at the end. A dear co-worker of mine (and HUGE Tolkien fan) has said they play an even more interesting role in The Silmarillion so I am really looking forward to reading that once I’m done with the original trilogy.

Everything in me wants to binge them now, but I have some big reading plans over the next few months so I am planning on doing one a month. Considering I read this in two days, I don’t think that is beyond the possibility of belief.

Well done Tolkien, you have impressed. 5 stars, obviously.

[talaok]

I’ve dreamed of this (pt. VII)

Summary: You are a part of the BAU, and for the longest time you and Dr. Spencer Reid had been best of friends, even when it was clear to everyone else, and at times to you, that you should be more than that, and when something almost happens on a night out with the team, everything is destined to change.

This is a double pov story (each chapter will be alternated between y/n's and spencer's pov)

Chapter summary:  You can't sleep and you find yourself turning to spencer for help.

warnings: SMUT(unprotected penetrative sex)

<if you want to be added to the tag-list comment or write to me>

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y/n

"so how's bed rest?" 

You groaned loudly into the phone "awful"

Emily chuckled "you're dramatic"

"I am most definitely not" you corrected her "this is torture. I have nothing to do"

"watch a movie"

"already did that"

"read?"

"I finished the book you lent me the other day just this morning"

"Are you kidding me?"

"no Emily" you sighed, " I think I'm going crazy"

she laughed now "y/n, just relax you deserve it"

"I don't like to relax"

"Well, you better get used to it, because Hotch said he doesn't wanna see you even ten feet from this building for at least another week"

You slapped a hand down your whole face, rolling your eyes.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"that's a shitty move"

You could hear her smiling "oh yes, how dare he?" she made fun of you

"yes. How does he dare?" 

She chuckled again "listen, I've gotta get back to work, just take some time for yourself and rest, you don't have to be doing something, you can just let your mind wander I don't know. You can do it y/n, I'm sure"

You sighed "alright"

"bye, call me if you need anything"

"thanks,bye"

you tossed your phone on the other side of the couch.

Yeah, thanks for nothing.

-let your mind wander?-

that's exactly what you'd been fighting for the past two days.

You had spent every single possible moment focusing on something, busying your mind with movies and Instagram and stupid books, and even that didn't always work, the exact moment your brain turned on again, you were fucked.

You would see his eyes,

you could feel his hands,

the blade cutting your skin open,

and you couldn't feel the pain, but you could still feel the fear.

fear so strong, so powerful,

that froze you,

impeded you to do anything else if not relieve the whole thing, frame by frame, every little detail impressed in the back of your mind and ready to float back up the moment you expected it less.

It was a nightmare,

literally,

a waking nightmare,

being afraid of your own mind, of your own memories,

it is terrifying and exhausting at the same time.

Even sleep wasn't an option, 

last night had been possibly the worst of your life,

the moment you had turned the lights off he was back,

lurking over you like a famished predator,

and you were back on the table, petrified.

So you had tried,

you tried everything you could think of,

counting sheep, 

thinking about happy things,

listening to relaxing music,

everything,

and still,

he remained.

and so you had given up, turning the lights on and mindlessly feeding your corrupted brain whatever the tv offered.

And if you thought the worst had passed,

you were extremely wrong,

because now, in addition to being exhausted but not being able to sleep, you had spent the whole day slowly realizing that it wasn't getting any better.

You, weren't getting any better.

Because as much as you tried to keep busy, you never really were.

Your brain was always there, willing or unwilling, only one thing had occupied it,

only him,

and you couldn't do anything about it.

__  __  __

Just shut up

please shut up

please

shut down

just-

please

Why isn't there a fucking switch?

This would all be so easy if there were,

just tick, and voila,

you can fucking sleep again,

like a normal human being,

everything's fixed,

but instead no

no of course not

this stupid body of yours doesn't even have a fucking brain switch because that would make it too easy right?

just too fucking easy

instead, I bet it likes to watch you toss and turn like a fucking idiot.

You were angry.

You know that moment when you've not been able to sleep for so long that the frustration turns into outright anger?

That's where you were at the moment.

It was only midnight,

and it felt like two years had passed by since you laid down.

You were holding your gun under the pillow,

not very safe, I know,

but he was there,

somewhere,

even if he was dead,

you could feel him,

and this time you were gonna be ready,

but being ready wasn't gonna do anything if you died of lack of sleep first.

You didn't know what to do,

you were completely impotent,

This was the third night in a row this was happening,

and you were exhausted, and scared,

mostly scared.

Only one of those nights you had been able to sleep,

or even just close your eyes for more than 10 seconds,

only at the hotel,

only with Spencer.

You remembered the exact moment in which he had shut off the lights, you recalled that as the silence filled your ears, images filled your eyes,  your heart sinking.

You didn't know how,

but you just knew that if he had been closer to you, you would have felt better, safer.

And so you had asked him, and of course, he said yes,

because he's Spence,

because he cares for you,

and you care for him,

And in mere seconds, you had fallen asleep,

your head on his chest, and your hand gripping his.

But now he wasn't here,

you were all alone,

not safe, 

but afraid again.

You turned in the bed again with a sigh, and as you faced the nightstand, the lamp, the pen, the phone, the keys on it, an idea came to mind.

A stupid one,

but seemingly the only one.

__  __  __

"hi"

"y/n? What happened?" he immediately reached for you to guide you in, shutting the door and turning to you with a worried expression.

"Nothing happened don't worry"

He didn't say anything, but his questioning expression urged you to continue 

"I-"

god this was stupid

"I couldn't sleep"

"oh" you could see the shift in his stance, as relief washed over his features, his eyes now sweet and understanding, and his lips up in a sad smile "I'm sorry"

"I know it's weird to come here in the middle of the night but-" you swallowed thickly, looking behind him at the overfilled bookshelves

"Hey it's me" he stepped closer to you "you can tell me"

You smiled weakly up at him "I have not been able to sleep since the night at the hotel"

"y/n" he hummed softly, stroking your arm

"I'm sorry Spence, really"

"for what?"

You scoffed "For coming here and waking you up and-"

"y/n" his eyes were honest "it's nothing" he smiled "you can wake me up whenever you want if you need it, you know that"

Your heart fluttered, and you couldn't help but throw your arms around his neck and hug him tightly, your head hidden in his warm chest as his hands uncertainly found your back.

"thank you" you whispered, looking up at him

"f-for what?" he blushed

"for being you"

__  __  __

The warmth of his chest mixed with the low thuds of his heartbeat was hypnotizing.

You were wrapped around him, your leg bent over his, and your hands on his abdomen.

He had even gently, and most definitely hesitantly, placed one of his hands on your waist, holding you in place, but you could still feel his quick breaths and the way his body hadn't fully un-stiffened from the moment you had first touched him.

You could feel he was holding back, trying to stay still and breathe normally with very little to no results.

And you were feeling bad about it, because it wasn't fair that this was for you the only moment of comfort you had experienced in the past few days, and for him, an actual nightmare.

"Spence" you whispered 

"yes?" his voice was hoarse

"is this ok?"

He frowned "y-yes why?"

"I just-" you bit your lip "I just wanted to make sure you're comfortable too" you explained "You're not really a fan of physical contact"

He laughed softly "no, I'm not," he said "but I like this"

"Are you sure?" you murmured "you seem very- stiff"

The red on his cheeks brightened  "I'm sure" he said, and before he could stop himself he also blurted out "I'm just a little- nervous"

You frowned "why?"

You could see the regret in his eyes as he sighed "you're just" his pupils were frantically dancing all over the room, purposefully avoiding yours "you're just really beautiful" he said "And I'm not really- I'm not really used to this"

"oh"

but you're just friends, right?

so why is he nervous?

he shouldn't be nervous, 

and your heart shouldn't be beating so fast.

"that's sweet" you whispered truthfully

"and pathetic" he chuckled bitterly

"no it's not" you propped a hand on the bed to lean up and fully look at him

"you don't have to lie Y/n" he sighed "I know I'm kind of..." he trailed off

"What?"

"I'm kind of a loser"

Your heart sank

"Spence" you reached to stoke his cheek "you're kidding right?" you smiled incredulously "You're the most amazing person I've ever met, in so many diffrent ways" you whispered, your thumb tracing patterns on his cheekbone "you're a genius Spence" you smiled "my genius"

The warm light the lamp was emitting shined only on the right side of his face, but it was as if his whole face had lit up once you spoke.

"y-your genius?"

You laughed softly "you like that?"

He smiled widely "I do"

Your hand was still on him, and as the room fell silent, as he looked straight at you with those big brown eyes, you suddenly became very aware of it, and of how natural it felt, to just reach for him and soothe him like it was an everyday thing.

"and by the way" you smirked slightly "you're beautiful too"

He wet his lips "t-thank you" he said "but I can't even compete with you"

You rolled your eyes playfully "oh shut up"

"Why?" he murmured,

Because I wanna kiss you

and without giving yourself enough time to think about it, about why you shouldn't and why this is wrong and you have spent so much time fighting it just to fuck it all up now, you crashed your lips with his, taking him by surprise, as it took him a moment to register what was happening before starting to reciprocate,

but the moment he did, everything felt right,

as his soft, tortured lips melted with yours you felt light, like you were floating in the air, holding tighly onto him, as the rest of the world caved in.

You kept kissing him as you got on top of him,

you didn't want to break the kiss,

you didn't want to have time to regret this,

you just wanted to do what felt right, and if it was a mistake, so be it.

Your knees were on each side of his waist and your hands were all up in his face, one on his cheek and the other one messing up his hair.

You could already feel something hard press against your core, and a little moan escaped Spence's throat once you ground on it.

His hands came up to your waist, and you smiled into the kiss, leaning away for just a moment, and just as you had predicted a wave of uncertainty hit you hard.

"spence-" you whispered 

"I know" he nodded,

You bit your lip "we shouldn't-"

His now saddened eyes scanned your whole face, but something still sparked behind them "I know we shouldn't y/n" he was trying really hard not to let his desperation come through "but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this" he smiled softly "a lot" he gulped "for a very long time"

You couldn't help but smile too as you bent down again, ghosting his lips "I want this too Spence" you whispered "a lot" and once again you didn't have time to think before your lips were on his again, molding and dancing together, making your stomach twist and turn in excitement.

Another breathy whimper left his mouth once you started kissing him down his neck, slowly making your way to the hem of his shirt, and looking up at him for a moment, before easing him out of it.

Your hands immediately went to his firm chest, exploring all of it as your mouth left quick kisses wherever it could.

Only the sound of your mouth on him and of the ragged breaths fleeing his mouth filled the thick air.

"f-fuck" he moaned lowly once you ground on his lap again, making you grin with excitement.

"I know" you whispered, reaching to stroke his cock through his pajama pants, making his whimper again, and this time, it was him that took you by surprise once his hand went to the back of your neck, bringing your mouth onto his once again, but this time, he pushed his tongue between your lips, making you moan softly into his mouth.

He was desperate, you could feel it,

you could feel it by the way he was gripping your neck, by the way his mouth was so eager to melt with yours, and by the way his hips were now grinding up against yours on their own accord.

You couldn't wait anymore as you leaned away to pull your shirt off.

His eyes immediately fell to your bandages again, and his feature softened before you undid for the clasp of your bra, and as much as what had happened to you haunted him, he couldn't help but stare shamelessly at your tits.

"you can touch" you whispered, but he didn't move, so you guided him, taking a hand that was on your waist and placing it on your boob.

He was quick to grope it, and as if he had woken up from a trance, he brought his other hand to your tits too, stroking and grabbing enthusiastically.

"god you're beautiful y/n"  he made you blush " so beautiful"

You bent down to give him another quick kiss in response before leaning away to get off of him, making him whine.

You laughed softly "just a sec," you said, before shuffling out of your pants and panties, and at that, Spencer was more than eager to do just the same.

"you're cute" you kissed him once you got on top of him again, his hard cock now grazing against your core in the most wonderful way.

"you're perfect" he breathed out, his hands finding your tits once again.

He leaned up to catch your lips in another heated and messy kiss, and you seized the opportunity to let one of your hands travel down to his cock, guiding it at your entrance, and slowly sinking down on it.

A mixture of your moans combined with his groans filled the dimly lit room.

"you feel so good baby" you cried out, as he stretched you out incredibly.

"you-" he struggled to speak "you too," he said, and you lifted yourself completely off his dick just to slam back on it, making both of you moan loudly.

"you're so- you're so tight- fuck" 

"And you're so big" you smiled mindlessly as you grabbed his shoulder for leverage and started to develop a quick pace, soon making the room fill with the sound of your skin slapping with his, and rendering him unable to talk, if not to produce cute little strained noises.

You were moaning loudly, whispering his name every time he hit that spot inside of you that made your eyes roll to the back of your head, while one of his hands was on your tit and the other one on your waist, moving with you.

"fuck Spence" you breathed out, as a shock of pleasure coursed through you, and you didn't even notice as his hand left your waist and went to your clit, until you felt his fingers circle it, making you gasp audibly.

He grinned and you smirked amused "You know what you're doing doctor" you commented

"I know a thing or two" he beamed, as his fingers continued their dance, forcing you to bite down your lip to silence your pathetic cries.

He was staring at you, his eyes drinking up the masterpiece in front of him.

Never in a million years had he thought this was gonna happen, and still, there you were, moaning his name on top of him, and it was making you both more confident and self-conscious, having him eye you like that, but you didn't give it too much of a thought as you did the same, admiring his beauty from above him.

The knot in your stomach was tightening "s-shit baby" you whimpered "I'm coming Spence" you said out of breath

"me too" he whispered "I'm coming"

"fuck" you moaned "come with me baby" you bent down to kiss him sweetly 

"Where?" he asked breathlessly

"Inside"

"i-inside?"

"inside baby" you kissed him again, and as you sank down on him once more, the knot in your stomach broke, making thousands of little fireworks explode inside of you as you moaned his name over and over like a mantra.

He followed just after, groaning lowly as he shot his hot cum deep inside of you.

You dropped your head onto his shoulder once you were done, grinning widely onto it.

You had really done it.

You had spent years fantasizing, dreading, and dreaming of this moment and there it was.

Better than you could have ever imagined.

You left a quick kiss on his peck before easing yourself off of him, hissing at the feeling of being so empty.

You laid down next to him, and instinctively both of you turned to look at the other, finding on each other's faces the same incredulous smile.

You kissed him again.

It was like a drug.

the best kind,

him.

"that thing you said about having wanted this for a long time?"  you found yourself asking "did you really mean it?"

He raised his eyebrows, his eyes dropping a moment before coming back up to yours "y/n" he said "I don't think I've ever meant anything more"

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[jackiestarsister]

There is a musical about ADHD

Since apparently it’s ADHD Awareness Month, I thought I’d share something I wrote recently: my reaction to discovering the musical adaptation of The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan.

I read The Lightning Thief as a young teen, though not the rest of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. I’m now revisiting the series because this summer, I came across the musical soundtrack on Spotify, and then found recordings of productions on YouTube.

With music and lyrics by Rob Rokicki and a book by Joe Tracz, The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical is impressively faithful to the source material. Even with some changes from page to stage, the storytelling quality is fantastic (much better than the movies!). But what really surprised and impressed me was how much it resonated with me as someone who has ADD. Altogether, the musical feels like an allegory for the neurodivergent experience.

In the book, there are scattered references to ADHD and the kinds of symptoms it manifests—impulsiveness, procrastination, time blindness (demonstrated quite literally by the lotus-eaters). But the show delves much deeper into the emotional life of a person who has a learning disability or mental disorder: alienation, anger, resentment, self-blame, low self-esteem. The music matches these emotions, often angsty and sometimes harsh. The overall tone of the show is chaotic, which is how our brains and our lives can feel. The lyrics of some songs may sound like a lot of whining, but imagine the kind of real-life thought spiral that that represents. (Then imagine being frustrated with yourself after realizing how much time you just wasted on that worrying.)

What’s cool is that in the story, conditions like ADHD and dyslexia are explained to be characteristics of the demigods, because their minds are hardwired for ancient Greek, and their bodies have instincts and reflexes that would keep them alive in battle. In a very real way, the things that make them different—the things that Percy initially thinks are causing his problems and holding him back in life—turn out to be their greatest assets. That’s an empowering idea, and expressing it through music makes it even more powerful!

It's also good to see that the characters with ADHD are not stereotyped. The same condition can look different in different people, due to a variety of factors--how they are wired, the individual’s response to having it, and the kind of environment they are in. Contrast Percy, who is put through tough schools and labeled as a delinquent, and Annabeth, who trains at a camp for kids like her and is a complete perfectionist. We have different personalities, we develop different kinds of coping mechanisms, and we go on different journeys of learning to function in a world that was not designed for minds like ours.

Honestly, it feels like Percy and the other half-bloods could be speaking for all neurodivergent people. The encouragement of “Strong,” the anger and despondency of “Good Kid,” the longing for recognition and approval in “My Grand Plan,” the acceptance and conviction in “Son of Poseidon,” and the determination of “Bring on the Monsters” all ring true. Finding people with experiences like yours can feel like finding a new family and home. And Percy’s indecision in “Last Day of Summer” describes the kind of dilemma I've faced at different points in my life: whether to stay in an environment that is easier to function in, or venture into the world where we’ll have to face challenges.

You can find the soundtrack on YouTube or on Spotify. I strongly recommend seeing or listening to the musical if you or anyone you care about has AD(H)D, dyslexia, or other mental disorders or disabilities (or whatever the medically/socially acceptable terminology is now).

Even as an adult, the idea that qualities we consider weaknesses and deficits can actually be strengths is really encouraging and inspiring.

[agirlandherquill]

Written In Smoke - The Inceptive Letter

Now, for the first post of this series I thought I’d begin with something simple, explaining the name - Written, because of course I’m a writer and I adore the clickety-clack of keys (and writing with a fountain pen in a notebook when I’m outlining plot, which is a new little venture I’ve begun doing) and Smoke, because it’s a weekly account of events, nothing is going to be completely solid, and my memory will have gaps even if I attempt to note things down, and also because much like the flow of ink upon paper, life is similarly fluid too, in my mind at least, it’s very much like smoke - full of substance, beautiful, chaotic, and full of little moments (which I completely adore) and thus the use of smoke, because little moments disappear so quickly but the remnants remain with you forevermore, and that’s as much of an explanation as my mind can conjure, which for me at the very least, composes the introduction to this series!

And now to move on to the main substance of this post - much like the ingredients of a perfect dish, the parts are still a work in progress, so bear with me whilst I work out which to include and how to structure it

 (And come up with working titles for each section, which is part of the fun!)

A Glimpse Through Time - little bits about me and what I’ve been up to this week

This week marked the end of a chapter, a very important one, because I completed (some may say survived, barely) my final three papers and today was my final day of academic normalcy - everything from here-on-out is completely and utterly unknown - no more Lit, Bio, and Chem to worry about for the summer at least, which is very, very daunting but I did it, I made it through and hopefully my work paid off - we shall see in a few months time, but i’m not ready to think about that yet - Having to say goodbye to the people who have taught me for the past few years was difficult but I made it through with no tears, a few hugs and cards written, which was lovely, truly, and I’m grateful for every minute of it.

Other than completing the final obstacle toward the free-fall that Is adulthood (I say that as though the feat isn’t impressive, because it sure would be to me two years ago), only a few things have happened this week:

(I’m making this a list because who doesn’t adore lists? Perhaps only me, but that’s more than okay)

Stuff Your Kindle Day was yesterday, and my poor, poor kindle has to suffer with the acquisition of 50-odd books (I haven’t dared to count past that, and it was my first actual SYK day despite owning a kindle for 9 years), and I have no idea if it has the storage for it, so that’ll be fun to work through

I made a bet to watch star-wars, now of course i’ve seen most of it (movie-wise, definitely, and 3/4 of mandalorian minus s3 because let’s face it, I’m as behind on that as I am with Witcher, which is soon to be rectified but anyway redirecting back to Star Wars) but very little of the shows and it’s been so long I hardly remember the plots and such, which I’m very much looking forward to re-experiencing for the first “proper-ish” time - so I’m starting with Solo, then steadily working my way through ANH, ESB, ROTJ, Mando S1, Mando S2, Boba Fett, Mando S3, TFA, TLJ, TROS, TPM, AOTC, Clone wars (movie and plot-vital eps, I was given a list), ROTS, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka - all of this in exchange for my friend to watch The Boys (I’m going to rewatch it all, then finally see Gen V, hopefully in time before S4 ends and I can watch the last few eps as they come out, like I did with S3)

I decided I want to go on a trip over summer, just me, which is frankly terrifying but I’m really excited - I’m thinking of Bath, possibly, because the Jane Austen Museum is there (Persuasion is the love of my life and i’ve only read it twice, I also need to read more than simply that and Pride and Prejudice) and a few doors down is Mary Shelley’s Museum too! It’s a trip that’s doable in a day, by train, which is pretty perfect for my first solo excursion - so bear with me since that’s in the works

To end this list I’m slipping in a note about a brief-exchange that my delusional mind brands rom-com noteworthy (only it’s not, unless it maybe is? i’ll leave that to the reader to decide), I gifted my chemistry lab-partner a chocolate bar and a note of gratitude because it’s down to him that I survived the practicals (only kidding, I’m not THAT dangerous, but we were the most successful pair in the class which was pretty awesome), and enjoyed the chem course even more than I thought I would - and on the final day (today, insert anxious and clueless screaming because it feels far, far too soon for everything to be over) on the way out, he gifted me something in return - I never thought a chocolate bar would make me want to cry and giggle at the same time, but there you go (part of me prays he will not notice the existence of my Tumblr, but it’s possible, and if he ever reads this - I am so, so, sorry, but either way my appreciation is known, and that’s good enough for me, and he’s very, very sweet)

Now, what else is there to include in this section? Oh, I know! The nightmare that is the vast variety of things that entertain me - cough, slightly melodramatic of me, but you’ll see what I mean momentarily,

Books - I’m roughly 120 pages into the Wheel of Time, which I already know will become my LOTR (assuming that is an actual phrase and not something my brain has made up, which is highly likely regardless - it’s also a slight reference to Ready Player One, since Kira reread LOTR every single year), because who doesn’t love danger, fantasy, and a delicious almost undecipherable prophecy? If I don’t re-read this book every year I will be incredibly, incredibly surprised. Fighting sleep one night this week I sought out my kindle, which had been sorely unused these last couple years, and I started to read Interview With The Vampire, and I’ve spent a couple hours reading it today, I’m about 25% in according to Kindle stats, so I’ll see how it goes. Surprisingly though, I stumbled across Perks of Being A Wallflower on Kindle Unlimited today - and 5 hours later, with a couple of breaks scattered between, I finished it, about twenty minutes before writing this section - and let me tell you, that book was a LOT, but a good lot? i suppose? And I’m glad I finally got around to reading it - It’s also given me the urge to reread All The Bright Places which I read for the first time last summer, and it’s beautiful, and so, so good,

Shows - Seeing as it’s the weekend I’m making my way through Dexter, I’m currently 3/4 through S4 and loving it, it’s INSANE, I’m also watching Shameless US, I’m on S6 and it’s actually baffling me how much I’m enjoying it (Lip is my favourite character, and this season HURTS me with how much it hurts him, mild spoiler possibly? apologies if so), I’m also going to start rewatching the Boys as aforementioned, seeing the dark side of superheroes is so incredibly genius, if not disturbing, and there’s plenty of that in the show to look forward to experiencing again, so wish me luck dear reader,

Music - I listen to a LOT. That’s the honest truth. Lots of genres, lots of people, but I’ll try and pick out some of the things I’ve been listening to this week: Outlander S1&2 Soundtrack (I’ve only seen up to s2, and after reading the first book last month it was perfect timing for exam season), Like That by Bea Miller (I rediscovered this recently and it fits so well with the characters in my head, and even though I haven’t been writing lately, believe me, I’ve been plotting), Trouble by Camylio (it reminds me of the main characters in my currently not fully-written book, as in the work I need to complete/redraft after I finish Ruin’s Reprisal), Ludens by Bring Me The Horizon (does this song really need an explanation? It’s just that good) and finally, to finish off this little list of things that I’ve hearing a lot this week, The Other Side by Stephen Sanchez, which is so so good

Spills From The Ink-Pot - writing, writing, and more writing

Seeing as it’s Friday, and today is the start of my lengthy, well-needed summer, there’s not an awful lot I can tell you all for writing progress, but so far this weekend I did manage to re-read the chapter I’m editing and the progress I’ve made in it so far, which was super helpful, and by the end of this weekend hopefully I’ll have that chapter all finished, and then afterwards have a lot more to share with you all next week!

But to make up for my absence from writeblr and being unable to post anything these last few weeks, I’ll add this in:

Just a little glimpse into my workspace/theme/whatever you wish to call it on Scrivener - that's right, I'm a Scrivener girlie, and I'm so glad I invested in it last May (take part in NaNoWriMo camps folks, you get 50% off, which is what I did, aka £25 for permanent use as opposed to £50, which is still really good compared to Word etc, in my opinion) - and a sneak peek at some of my Chapter Titles, which I really do love coming up with,

(if it's blurry I do apologise, but you get the gist, hopefully)

Incase it’s not obvious, this account was written in parts, over the course of Friday and Saturday (11pm today, roughly), since I lost the battle against exhaustion and fell asleep before I could finish compiling this lengthy post (that’s not a complaint, i’m really enjoying writing this) so I’m finishing this very first post a tad later than initially planned, but these things happen, and that’s all right - you’ll also notice my battle with autocorrect and its capitalisation, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, but I’d rather not go back and correct things this late at night, so apologies for that slight blunder but I promise the next post will be all properly formatted with headers and capitals (as soon as I figure out how to include headers, and make them, hopefully trusty procreate comes in handy, but we shall see)

So that’s it! The very first Written In Smoke is completed, compiled and heading your way - I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it, this is unknown territory for me and it feels as though I’m baring another piece of myself to the world, but it’s worth it, I knew it when this began, and I know it now as I write these last few lines, so if you’ve read this far - thank you, and I’ll see you all next week for the next entry in this series!

~ A Girl and Her Quill

p.s. if there’s anything else you’d like to know about, let me know! suggestions are greatly appreciated (cough, somewhat desperately needed because I have no idea what I’m doing)

p. p. s. being the utter genius I am, I pressed save as draft rather than post, so this is coming out even later than originally planned - whoops!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tag List! (if you want to be notified when a WIS post comes out, interact with this post :) )

@lead-to-code @catwingsathena @nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings @thestorywitch @lunaeuphternal

@theaistired @frostedlemonwriter

[thecasualfkfan]

As the Red,White and Royal Blue movie is released,here's an email from the book which I really really love-

-------------------------------------------------------

A <agcd@eclare45.com>

9/4/20 8:31 PM

to Henry

H,

Fuck.

I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m so sorry. June and Nora send their love. Not as much love as me. Obviously.

Please don’t worry about me. We’ll figure it out. It just might take time. I’ve been working on patience. I’ve picked up all kinds of things from you.

God, what can I possibly write to make this better?

Here: I can’t decide if your emails make me miss you more or less. Sometimes I feel like a funny-looking rock in the middle of the most beautiful clear ocean when I read the kinds of things you write to me. You love so much bigger than yourself, bigger than everything. I can’t believe how lucky I am to even witness it—to be the one who gets to have it, and so much of it, is beyond luck and feels like fate. Catholic God made me to be the person you write those things about. I’ll say five Hail Marys. Muchas gracias, Santa Maria.

I can’t match you for prose, but what I can do is write you a list.

AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES

1. The sound of your laugh when I piss you off.

2. The way you smell underneath your fancy cologne, like clean linens but somehow also fresh grass (what kind of magic is this?).

3. That thing you do where you stick out your chin to try to look tough.

4. How your hands look when you play piano.

5. All the things I understand about myself now because of you.

6. How you think Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars (wrong) because deep down you’re a gigantic, sappy, embarrassing romantic who just wants the happily ever after.

7. Your ability to recite Keats.

8. Your ability to recite Bernadette’s “Don’t let it drag you down” monologue from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

9. How hard you try.

10. How hard you’ve always tried.

11. How determined you are to keep trying.

12. That when your shoulders cover mine, nothing else in the entire stupid world matters.

13. The goddamn issue of Le Monde you brought back to London with you and kept and have on your nightstand (yes, I saw it).

14. The way you look when you first wake up.

15. Your shoulder-to-waist ratio.

16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart.

17. Your equally huge dick.

18. The face you just made when you read that last one.

19. The way you look when you first wake up (I know I already said this, but I really, really love it).

20. The fact that you loved me all along.

I keep thinking about that last one ever since you told me, and what an idiot I was. It’s so hard for me to get out of my own head sometimes, but now I’m coming back to what I said to you the night in my room when it all started, and how I brushed you off when you offered to let me go after the DNC, how I used to try to act like it was nothing sometimes. I didn’t even know what you were offering to do to yourself. God, I want to fight everyone who’s ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn’t it? All that time. I’m so sorry.

Please stay gorgeous and strong and unbelievable. I miss you I miss you I miss you I love you. I’m calling you as soon as I send this, but I know you like to have these things written down.

A

P.S. Richard Wagner to Eliza Wille, re:

Ludwig II–1864 (Remember when you played Wagner for me? He’s an asshole, but this is something.)

It is true that I have my young king who genuinely adores me. You cannot form an idea of our relations. I recall one of the dreams of my youth. I once dreamed that Shakespeare was alive: that I really saw and spoke to him: I can never forget the impression that dream made on me. Then I would have wished to see Beethoven, though he was already dead. Something of the same kind must pass in the mind of this lovable man when with me. He says he can hardly believe that he really possesses me. None can read without astonishment, without enchantment, the letters he writes to me.

-------------------------------------------------------

- Ch 11, Red white and Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston

[lampmanliveblogs]

We cut to Luz grabbing her Good Witch Azura figurine, and while I did see a few seconds further, I had to go back and pause here because I noticed something.

What’s that on your arm? It’s red like a wound, but that can’t be it, this is the peaceful future. Tattoo?

Luz is packing. I spy with my little eye in this box… at least three books, with the top one being the first The Good Witch Azura, Eda’s old jacket that Luz inherited, the Grom queen crown from Enchanting Grom Fright, the tamagotchi-looking thing Luz and Amity used to communicate, and a scroll of some kind. It might be something from a previous episode, but I can’t place it.

Lots of stuff in this one shot. We’ve got a cute little L+A heart carved into the desk.

On the wall we have a letter saying ACCEPTED! It doesn’t say accepted to where, but the symbol does look like a a Titan’s skull, so that document probably originates from the Demon Realm. Right next to it, we have a note talking about a dorm room and move-in date, meaning Luz is headed off to college or university. When accounting for the backwards way americans write their dates, I can decipher that said move-in date is the 21:st of August. If this takes place four years in the future like I think it then that means this takes place in 2026 and the 21:st of August is a Friday. In case I overshot it, and this actually takes place in 2025, then the 21/08 is a Thursday. This is the kind of riveting analysis you will only find here at Lampman Liveblogs.

Right next to the dorm room note we have a shopping list. Listed are a new laptop, bedsheets, a laundry bin, and an umbrella. All are crossed off, so everything’s take care off. Good to know Luz is on top of things.

On the cork board*, we have a photograph labeled GRADUATION! from Luz’ graduation. I spot Vee there with her. Depending on if they somehow managed to convince the authorities that Vee is actually a real person and a citizen who did not appear from nowhere, then she might’ve graduated at the same time.

(*WHAT DO YOU MEAN ”corkboard” IS NOT A SINGLE WORD!!?!?!!?)

Next to the graduation photograph, we have some kind of diploma. It is just barely visible, but I can spot the word ”scholarship,” so it’s safe to say Luz managed to get her grades up. Also, I’m terrible at reading cursive, but does that signature look like it says ”Dana Terrace” to you? Cute.

We pan up to find more stuff! Turns out Luz and Vee did graduate at the same time, how lovely. My second brother and first sister graduated on the same day as well, which was convenient because that meant we only had to have one party for the both of them. Next up is my second sister, but she hasn’t even started high school yet.

There’s a flag for the Gravesfield Ghouls, which I assume to be some sort of local sports team. Unless the rumors about Gravesfielf being haunted turned out to be true, and this is actually some kind of union flag for the undead population of Gravesfield.

There appears to be some kind of essay or perhaps a short story consisting of several papers which impressed the teacher. I spot a ticket to a comic convention of some kind and a ticket to a movie adaptation of The Good Witch Azura.

We also get a better look at the scholarship, which turns out to be in writing, meaning Luz has been flexing those creative brain muscles of hers. Man, I wish that was me.

Hey, guess what. This is the two-hundredth screenshot! Wowsers! Not as dramatic as the 100:th, but I feel this is appropriate for the 200:th. A look back at happy memories.

Also, we got an even better shot of the scholarship, and I am now convinced that the signature does read Dana Terrace.

We’ve got a couple of photographs I recognize from before. There’s the one of Eda, Luz, and King from Enchanting Grom Fright, there’s the group picture the Emerald Entrails took during Any Sport in a Storm, and there’s Luz and Amity watching a falling star on The Owl House’s roof. I’m pretty sure that one isn’t from ay episode, but I think I’ve seen the picture before… maybe in Willow’s scrapbook in Thanks to Them?

(Future Lampman here: it is from Thanks to Them, but it was used in the little Lumity movie montage Luz made for Camila.)

There’s a bunch of new ones though. In the top left we have… I think I’ve seen that character before, was she the employe at the cafe Vee visited in Yesterday’s Lie? The one that had the sentient rats in the alley? It looks like she came to feed the birds,, but Luz and Amity brought Hooty along to the Human Realm. Funnily enough, Amity looks entertained while Luz looks worried.

(Future Lampman here: It might be the same employee from Robin’s Roast, as she looks nigh-identical, aside from one small detail: her hair color. In Yesterday’s Lie, she’s blonde, but she looks like a brunette in this photo. Though I suppose she could have dyed it.)

It appears that Vee, Luz, and Camila managed to make peace with the giraffes and even got to take a selfie with two of them. Very brave of them.

(hmmm… now I kinda wanna include a scene in the Vee fic I’m working on where she goes to ask the giraffe about the strange things happening in Gravesfield… probably won’t include it, but it would be funny.)

We’ve got Eda introducing Camila to her favorite alcoholic beverage. My headcanon that witches actually have a pretty low alcohol tolerance, and thus appleblood is relatively weak by human standards makes this image even funnier.

There’s a picture of Eda, Hooty, and King playing baseball. Based on the blue skies, this took place in the Human Realm, which is interesting.

I saved the best for last, we’ve got a picture from the another Grom. Look at Hunter. Look at him! Dear heavens boy, did Darius really let you dress like that??? I mean, Willow seems charmed, so no harm done I suppose. And are those glasses I spot, Augustus? Welcome to the club buddy. And of course, let’s not forget my snake daughter Vee. She’s so cute!

[coralinnii]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

If I’m being honest, I have been more into just listening to music during my free time more than anything and while I read a lot of manga, my goldfish brain would blank out if someone were to ask me anything about it. However, I will tell you my list of definite rewatch/reread series though some of them are pretty old or obscure.

My Top 10 (in no particular order)

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-Kun (manga/anime)

At first, I watched it mainly for the fun aesthetics (cute colourful characters with spooky backgrounds) but I fell in love with the characters and world-building of this series. The whole cast, be it main or supporting, are absolutely amazing and capable of running a story arc of their own even without the main cast which is seriously impressive. And while the anime only just scratched the surface, the author really built the setting of this series with great thought, with its own politics, history, systems, and culture that impacts the story well. No random fact is without purpose and I love it.

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (manga/anime)

I’ve been watching anime since I was 4 so I can confidently say that I’m familiar with many classic anime tropes and cliches. This series is like a kudos to longtime anime fans with its jokes and jabs as it follows a strong psychic boy being absolutely done with the insanity of his life as he tries to keep his powers a secret from his schoolmates like a sports anime jock, a shojou girl, delinquent gone good, etc. The comedy coming from this deadpan omnipotent high school student is just an absolute delight. I kin Saiki so much

Nope (movie)

I’m a real fan of horror movies, especially those with undertones that bring a critical element to humanity. While I love all of Jordan Peele’s current works, Nope has got to be one of my favourite movies overall. I’ve heard of some of the criticisms people had with the film (pretty ironic ones too) but I personally love the pacing and suspense of the film. While it’s fun to watch monsters and killers get crazy from the get-go (that’s why Saw movies and slasher films were popular) but Nope touched on that all-too-real fear of not knowing what’s going to happen. That fear where you’re afraid but you’re not sure of what yet.

Petshop of Horrors (manga/anime) and the sequel Neo Petshop of Horrors (manga)

Speaking of horror with critical undertones, I was obsessed with this manga series that came out in the late 90s. I would try so hard to find a way to read this series every chance I could growing up. It’s a sorta episodic style story that stars a mysterious petshop owner that often becomes a suspect in the deaths of people who have bought animals from his shop. I love the philosophy of each new story that touches on humanity and how different (or similar) we are to animals. It questions our societal norms, expectations, base desires, mythology, what it means to live, and what is “acceptable” in our world. Unfortunately, the series was never fully translated and only published fewer copies than typical manga series due to reasons I’m not too sure of (possibly conflicts with ownership and company copyrights at the time, think Baccano situation). The series had an anime but even that anime only had 4 episodes (I still highly recommend it however). I’ve managed to get a few volumes for myself and I know people are selling certain volumes online but I have to save for essentials so collecting them is unfortunately a lower priority now.

Pokémon (video game/manga/anime)

Is this a cop-out? Nah. To this day, I would still have to physically fight myself to not buy plushies and games when I’m already broke af. Pokémon might be one of the first animes I have ever seen (I have seen both sub and dub because my brother found a way) and I would still on occasion go back to rewatch literally any season and any movie of theirs, Nintendo really hit the marketing jackpot with this franchise. The creativity and design are so iconic and memorable that it’s so easy and fun to get into the fantasy of going on an adventure with your favourite Pokémon. There’s of course some nostalgia at play since I loved the moments where my older brother would watch the movies with me and my cousin and I would collect the figurines together.

One Piece (manga/anime)

Is this also a cop-out? Don’t care. I LOVE ONE PIECE! I will sacrifice my time and tears for this series. I have legitimately managed to rewatch this 4 times in my life (granted I started when it only had 400+ episodes so I had an easier time) and I would willingly cry over a flashback, a whale, even a boat over and over again. The action and story-telling of this series just keeps me running back for more even if I keep meeting dumb gatekeepers (yea, people don’t believe me when I tell them I’m a One Piece fan, what are ya gonna do?) I haven’t watch the Netflix live action yet but I probably will once I get my friends to watch with me (I like to fangirl with friends~)

Forget my Husband, I’ll Go Make Money (manhwa)

Despite my blog probably being best known for the villain/ess series, the banner of my blog is not an isekai villainess story but a fantasy series where a woman who can see the past, present, and future tries to make money while being married to a foreign prince before expecting a divorce (because she assumed he rather marry for love than for political reasons). Fun fact, this series was actually one of the foundations when I was writing the villain/ess story for Leona. The art and main couple are just absolutely delightful, I can’t help but reread it as it returns for a new season. Not only is the art just gorgeous, the main couple is just so gosh darn entertaining with their conversations, personal dynamics, and hilarious misunderstandings. Just beautiful.

Hotel Del Luna (K-drama)

Leave it to my interest in horror to love a romance drama with ghosts in it. It’s funny, it’s cute, and some of the ghost’s backstory is heartbreaking as well. This is a great story to just have a nice cry out. I love the story, I love the music, but most importantly, I love IU! She is my queen and every scene she is in, she kills me with her fashion, her haughty character, and her tragic backstory. She and the male lead was such a fun twist of the typical k-drama relationship where she was the powerful but broken character who ended up being healed by the kind, hardworking character. I've watched this 3 times at this point, but I still cry Every. Single. Time. No exceptions.

Hell Girl (anime/manga)

If I haven’t sold you on how I was probably that kid with creepy interests, maybe this will convince you. This was my go-to show back when I was in middle school. There is no excuse, I just really love the psychological horror of this series. In the show, there is a website you can access at midnight where you can ask Ai or Hell Girl to send your most hated person to hell, with the price that you will go there too when you die. While there was a linear storyline in the background, the episodes were always new people who requested Ai’s help with different cases of their own hell on earth. It touches on some really heavy real-life topics but what made it memorable to me was how sometimes I would feel saddened by the choices the people in the show made. Sometimes, they’re in the situation where all they can do is curse someone to hell but then was it really worth losing your chance at a happier afterlife? I watched this show with some of my friends who either saw Ai as a villain for sending people to hell, or a saviour who helped these people find an escape from their torturer, and that honestly made me think about what it means to have that much hate in you. I always wondered if I was ever in that situation, what would I do if given the chance?

Big Hero 6 (movie)

Arguably the first Marvel-Disney movie since Disney bought Marvel, I remembered people having weird thoughts on the usually cartoony company taking over the superhero franchise but I fell in love with everything that was this movie. It had Marvel-style action mixed with classic Disney wholesomeness and gut-wrenching emotional moments. I loved the message and warmth that was in this movie. Having an older brother myself, I couldn’t imagine how I could go on if I lose him but watching Hiro being so well supported by Baymax and his friends cemented within me the importance of helping others and that supporting those in pain can be as powerful as stopping bad guys (sappy, I know but hey I’m now learning to be a preschool teacher so this really stuck with me). Tadashi’s recorded message brings me so much comfort that I didn’t realize I needed. He may have been the closest thing to a Disney crush for me.

[seizethedeansofproduction]

Everything everywhere all at once winning best picture and all the other awards makes me very emotional. From a representational standpoint yes. But I guess also from a filmmaker standpoint.

(I KNOW THIS IS LONG BUT IF YOU COULD READ THIS, THAT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD)

I’ve been making films for 10 or so years and for many years never saw much outward success. I would put my all into a project, down to hand making the sets, costumes, editing it myself (etc), but when I would submit to festivals for kid filmmakers, I would be left heartbroken sitting in the theater knowing that my film wasn’t good enough. That is had been too weird, not shot on a good enough quality camera, and that it simply wasn’t the “type of film” that could win awards.

Then enter this film. It marched to the beat of its own drum, it told a story that was authentic and sincere, it told a story about a Chinese immigrant and her family (A STORY WHICH RARELY GETS TOLD TO A MASS AUDIENCE IN MAINSTREAM HOLLYWOOD), it told a story about a queer woman struggling with family issues and depression and suicide, it gave no fucks, it gave them all. It was goofy. It was chaotic. It was heart wrenching. It was everything.

I’m a filmmaker, but I’m also sometimes a cynic. At times I am worried about the future of creative fields I hope to enter given AI threatening real artists, the increasing difficulty to break into Hollywood with no connections, and of course a litany of reboots, sequels, and franchises (not to say that this is bad, but there’s a tiny part of me that fears that this is all it will end up being. At least in terms of studio funding). I worry that while I may make films now, there may not be a place for me one day.

Seeing this film changed that. EEAAO was so boldly itself that it relit my creative spark to make work that would do the same.

And of course the awards. 

If you had told me a couple years ago that a film about rocks and hotdog fingers would win best picture, I would have been confused then probably laughed. Even as the award season beast was beginning to awaken from it’s year long slumber, I remained skeptical that this film would get awards, much less hundreds of them. Yet it destroyed the competition and with every win and every speech, my heart got a bit more full and damn it, I believed that maybe there was a chance this film could take the title.

Last Sunday, I wasn’t able to watch the oscars. I had just gotten over being sick and needed the sleep. The next morning I woke up and by some stroke of fate the people on the radio were talking about the Oscars, I held my breath, and I heard it. Best Picture Winner Everything Everywhere All At Once. I later watched the acceptance speeches that day and wept. This meant the world to me now but also to the me years ago who sat in those theaters with a broken heart thinking that their movies weren't good enough.

Now of course you can still be a cynic (or a realist who knows?) and assume that this changes nothing. No needle was moved. And next year the films getting awarded and produced with tons of eyes on them will be the next Green Book or whatever. But if this movie’s taught me anything, its that feeling optimism is ok.

And yeah given all it's wins, people are probably now gonna rag about it and say it's overrated. They can have their opinions, but I don't care. Like what you want to like, life's too short.

I’m gonna keep on making movies, the kind of movies I want to make not what I try to make to win awards or impress other people. I’m gonna try to be a kinder person. I’m going try to keep on telling stories of queer people, of found families, of hope, of comedy, and of whatever else I can think of. I’m gonna hope that people continue to create just as they always do and that this time they get the attention, platform, and opportunities that they deserve instead of it going to those who don’t.

Thank you Michelle Yeoh. Thank you Stephanie Hsu. Thank you Ke Huy Quan. Thank you Jamie Lee Curtis. Thank you James Hong. Thank you Paul Rogers. Thank you Jonathan Wang. Thank You Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert. Thank You Everything Everywhere All At Once.

You changed my life and countless others. Thank you thank you thank you.

[desertfangs]

Does Daniel love Armand because he is a vampire and not despite of his monstrosity? I was under the impression that he loved the being inspite of whatever "evil" there is. I saw a post mention just this. That book Daniel only knew the charisma of the "evil" and therefore was so admanant in his want for immortality. But once the reality of violence unfolded after his turning, then came the horror.

I mean—and let’s preface this by saying this is my read only and I’m not telling anyone else how to interpret what we’re told—but in my opinion, it’s pretty obvious Daniel is enamored with Armand as a person and as a vampire.

He’s captivated by his laughter. He indulges his obsessions, his desire to fly all over the place, to spend their nights at shows, movies, boxing matches, art galas. He’s nodding off at shows, exhausted from running around at all hours of the night. I’ve mentioned before that he puts up with a lot, and that is the sort of thing you do if you truly love a person. I don’t get the impression that Daniel loves Armand despite him being a vampire, or even because of it. He loves Armand, period. All of him. The vampire and the curious person who wants to learn everything about the world, who wants to film things and watch movies and put his cigarettes down the garbage disposal. 

What we get in Devil’s Minion is pretty much Daniel’s POV and it is, in my opinion, almost a love letter to Armand. (I mean, maybe Lestat was able to sweet talk Armand into filling some gaps but it’s not like he’d need to, given that Daniel was probably happy to sit with him for three nights straight and recount their story. I imagine Lestat had a hell of a time cutting it down and wouldn’t be looking for more.) 

He loves “snuggling with dead things.” He seems captivated by the idea of Armand wearing the clothes off his victims. He wants to see Armand kill. Clearly he’s romanticized death at the hand of a vampire (and had done so with Louis, when he begged him to turn him!) and now specifically at Armand’s hand. Armand, who is regularly taking little drinks of him and giving Daniel little drinks of blood in return. But I don’t think it’s just because he’s a vampire that Daniel is smitten. 

Yes, he wants immortality. Because he wants to live forever with Armand. “What does it matter if you give it to me and it's wrong! There is no wrong! There is only desperation, and I would have it! I want to live forever with you.” 

As for “the horror” after he was turned, I’m not sure what you're referring to. There was a lot of horror going on, what with Akasha immolating their kind. Or maybe you mean his first experience killing, which happened during the aforementioned purge of immortals. Daniel was turned at the most chaotic moment. His first kill is clumsy. They’re rushing to the concert. There’s no time for Armand to gently ease him into it, no time to make it palatable. He needs blood. Armand does his best. Daniel has to face the reality of taking a life quickly and then move on. And honestly, I think he handles it pretty well all things considered? Not long after he’s asking if Armand likes him as a vampire and is worried with how well he’s vampiring, but he seems more or less okay. I think the reality was always going to be a little jarring and the circumstances made it more so.

But there’s nothing in any of the books that indicates Daniel ever regrets becoming a vampire. Later on Night Island, he’s asking the ancients about history and we learn he likes to let his hunger build, but there’s nothing about him not liking hunting or having issues killing. We know he goes mad later and canon never tells us why. Giving the timing, I always assumed it was due to thinking Armand was dead but your mileage may vary on that. And we know at the end of the series, he’s hunting just fine in Rio, and later with Armand, and then moves into Trinity Gate, none of which speaks to him wishing he hadn’t become immortal or even not wanting to be with Armand even still.

Anyhow, I feel like this is a rambling response and I’m not sure if it’s what you wanted to know or just me spewing thoughts on Tumblr after a long, draining day at work, but I do enjoy spewing thoughts about Daniel! So thank you for the ask, anon! 

[starseneyes]

Romitri - Rose / Dimitri - Vampire Academy - Season 1 - Eps 1-5

Hello fans of epic metas! Yes, I’m at it, again.

I never read the Vampire Academy books. They came out when I was thick in Musical theater and working at a humanitarian non-profit that specialized in Disaster Relief. I’ve always enjoyed a good YA read, but I missed these at the time.

I did see the movie, and found it interesting. The series has the space and breadth to try new things and flesh out the world in different ways than the constraints of a 100 minute film. That said, Sisi Stringer and Kieron Moore are crushing it as Rose and Dimitri, and I’ve been so bloody impressed, I had to write a meta.

SPOILER ALERT: I will spoil the entire season to this point (halfway through). Please do not proceed if you wish to remain un-spoiled. I go into great detail. Had I knowledge of the books, I’d do that, too. Please feel free to educate me in the comments on book nods!

Pilot

“Lissa!”

Rose approaches with her usual warmness—the warmth shared by two women who had known each other for years and feel the bonds of sisterhood so strongly they needn’t occupy the same space to know that cord is unbreakable.

But it is SO good to see her, and she doesn’t even notice Dimitri evaluating her, aware that something is off about her uniform—something is hidden.

The first strike, she looks at him, completely annoyed. But, he’s good, and he easily takes her down.

Note, though, that he doesn’t take her out. He makes sure her head doesn’t hit the ground when he gets her down. He keeps her in a neutralized position, but she’s not completely restrained. He simply showed her he wasn’t going to let her waltz up to Lissa.

Dimitri doesn’t know their history, their bond, their sisterhood. All he knows is that this Damphir Novice strolled up to his Moroi, and that is not acceptable.

“It’s a super dangerous welcome home present.“

I love how... annoyed Dimitri is. This is not a love-at-first-sight tale. Yes, they both probably noted one another’s hotness (we know Lissa did), but right now, he’s annoyed with her as much as she’s annoyed with him.

He’s an obstacle to what she wants—to be with Lissa—more than she even knows at this moment.

“Will Rose Hathaway be a problem?” “Rose is always a problem” ... “With all due respect, I’m not a nanny. My job is protection.”

It doesn’t matter that Rose is 18. From Dimitri’s perspective, she’s immature and a liability. Dmitri is all about rules, order, discipline, and duty. Anything that gets in the way of him doing his duty is an unwanted obstacle, and that includes Rose Hathaway.

“So you’re just... having a staring contest with the air?”

Ah, their first verbal sparring match. Rose comes in, ready to take this new Guardian off-guard, hoping to show him just how great she is so he feels a little uncomfortable about his place as Lissa’s guardian.

But Dimitri is a natural mentor. While throwing some obvious shade, he lets her in on his process.

“So I suppose you could say I’m having a staring contest with the streets, the gates, the rooftops, and the turrets.” “You’re kind of a Guardian nerd, aren’t you?”

Rose wants to snark at that, but doesn’t have the ammunition. She switches gears, trying to intimidate the great Dimitri Belikov.

“I’m number one. I’m always number one.” “Then perhaps you’re not as good at perimeter control as you think.”

Ohhh, the shade. He knows her ranking has fallen, and he’s not going to tell her outright. Again, he’s a natural mentor. He’s going to let her discover it for herself.

At this point, she’s just a Novice, to him. He sees her as nothing more, and he’s going to speak to her as such. Still, there’s a part of him that is curious about her. If she really is the best, so much so that Alberta asserts so no matter what Rose’s ranking, that’s something worth fostering and a person worth helping—no matter how stubborn she is.

Shirtless on a Tower

This isn’t directly Romitri, but I have to call out the makeup artists for doing a fantastic job covering up Kieron Moore’s tattoos.

If you’re new here, I’m the daughter of a makeup artist. I’m also a demisexual. So, when I see a jacked, shirtless man in a series who I know has real-life tattoos (but his character does not), my first thought isn’t, “OH, baby!” My first thought is, “Wow, great coverup!”

So, kudos to the artists. NOW, back to the Romitri.

Dimitri spots the two rising tributes, and he knows that something’s off.

“I don’t suppose there’s any way we could keep this just between us?”

Oh, Rose. You don’t know this Guardian. This is not Mikhail, who is like a big brother to you. This is not Andre, your other big brother, who was always up to some mischief and could get away with it because of his Moroi status.

This is Dimitri f*cking Belikov. Top Guardian, save for your own mother. You know what a stickler for the rules Janine Hathaway is, so don’t underestimate Dmitri.

And Dimitri is pissed.

Interesting Note: In the Strigoi attack, the Strigoi is atop Rose when Dimitri kicks it off of her. He looks down at her, disapproval dripping from his features. He hesitates on offering her a hand up. After he does, his focus is entirely on Lissa, his charge, the one person he is supposed to protect.

“What you did was reckless and impulsive, no matter how good you are. Strength doesn’t matter. Style doesn’t matter. Courage doesn’t matter. There’s good enough, and there’s gone. Tonight you almost got the person you say you care about most in the world killed. There isn’t a rank low enough on the board for you right now.”

Rightfully, Dimitri goes off on Rose. He’s infuriated that she would put something before her duty of protecting Lissa. Because, at this point Dimitri’s own definition of “protection” is keeping them out of danger. He doesn’t get the heart and soul of Rose and Lissa.

Yes, Rose majorly screwed up. But, Rose was trying to protect her friend in a different way—one that doesn’t require stakes and armor.

The other side of this is Dimitri’s own guilt that he couldn’t save Alexei, his own Moroi best friend. As viewers, we didn’t know about that, at this point. But, Dimitri knows his own regrets and pain, and he knows how it ended for the two of them, and that he’d do anything to go back in time and be there when Alexei needed him.

He looks at Rose and sees frivolity, lack of control, and immaturity. He sees the Novice.

Remember, this isn’t a love-at-first-sight story. They see each other as obstacles, issues, and problems, at this point. It’s not personal.

Dimitri wants to keep Lissa safe and thinks Rose can’t do it. Rose wants to keep Lissa safe and thinks Dimitri is in her way.

But she does feel humbled by his words at the end of the Pilot. You can see how she nods her understanding of his words. And I think that matters to him.

She doesn’t talk back. She doesn’t get sassy. She accepts his words. To Dimitri, accepting responsibility for your own failings is very important. Deflecting does nothing for growth.

SIDE NOTE: Notably, this is the one time we see her in pigtails in the series, thus far. It does a lot to add youth to Sisi Stringer’s stunning features, but is also often a characteristic of immaturity in cinema.

I’ve heard some complaint that Rose didn’t have her “reckless-to-focused” phase that was apparently a big part of the books, but I feel they had to compress it down to a single episode because we really need to root for Rose.

And by the end of the Pilot, I’m rooting for her... even if Dimitri isn’t, yet.

Earth. Air. Water. Fire.

It’s a third of the way through the episode before Dimitri and Rose have a scene together. He spots her in the training area and sits beside her. The natural mentor in him is coming out. He knows she’s good at fighting and sparring. He knows there’s a lot of fire in there. But, he genuinely feels bad for her.

“I heard about the tribunal.” “I guess you think I deserve this... that everything’s my fault.”

He stands up, frustrated. He doesn’t mind being supportive of someone going through a bad time, but not taking responsibility for your action is a classic mark of immaturity, and he can’t bother with that.

Something stops him, and he turns back.

“Not that you’re asking, but the definition of immaturity is blaming others for your own failings... Am I annoyed one of the most promising young Guardians I’ve ever come across is too stubborn to see sense? Yes. Do I want you expelled. No.”

Rose stands, not believing him. Remember, there’s not a lot of love between her and senior Guardians (save Mikhail). She thinks these are hollow words, because so much of Damphir life is fighting against one another to get to the top, then fighting to stay alive. Her own mother is her greatest example of this duty-above-all mentality, at the great expense of compassion and caring.

Rose doesn’t believe that this practical stranger could actually wish her well.

“No? The image of me out there in the Communes doesn’t give you a thrill?” “No, Rose.”

It’s the first time he’s spoken her name to her. And he’s sincere. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

“My mother and sister live in the Communes. That’s not the life I would wish on you.”

And there’s the first crack, for her. He genuinely means what he says. He’s not rooting against her (though he’s not yet rooting for her). She deflects... her favorite defense mechanism besides snark.

“Well, until the Tribunal decides to kick me out officially... I’ve got a leader board to climb.”

There’s that tenacity. There’s that drive. He knows she has that. But he thinks she needs to do some growing up. And while he doesn’t want to care about her, he is starting to care about her fate.

“You’re fighting like a Strigoi.”

Dimitri has to step in on the fight. Rose is feeling the effects of Lissa’s abilities, but she doesn’t yet understand it, and she’s not yet ready to tell Dimitri. And he sees another loss of control.

He doesn’t understand why this is happening, but he’s seen enough of her fighting to know something is off.

Maybe he thinks it’s the weight of the upcoming Tribunal, or the strain of not seeing her best friend in a time of strife... but he decides to help her in the one way he sees proper at this point—training.

“...when you’re back at number one and taking my job, I’d rather not see our future queen under the watch of someone who can’t keep a grip on it.” “How do you do that? You have this way of criticizing me and complementing me in the same breath.” “Perhaps because you have this way of being both extraordinary and infuriating all at once.”

I love this exchange. The more time Dimitri spends with Rose, the more things shift with them. You can see it here. She challenges him as much as he challenges her.

He has his arms crossed in a defensive position, but also an authoritative one. It’s easier to keep the distance that way. I don’t think that he’s necessarily tempted by her, at this point. But, he’s caring more than he’s meant to.

Something in him wants to see the best for her, even if that means simply surviving her tribunal, at this point.

“I will, Dimitri, because that’s what I do. I survive. I survive car crashes, and loss, and an absentee mother, and a best friend that I’m not allowed to see, and know-it-all Guardians who show up out of nowhere to ruin my life. I will survive whatever shit this world keeps trying to throw at me because that’s what I do. Because I’m strong. And I will survive this fucking tribunal because there is no other option.”

It’s a d*mn good speech. And it even gets through to Dimitri. Before, he was staying on the outside of this, but after that speech, he’s on her side.

“Good. Then I’m rooting for you.” “So, can we be done with wind sprints now?” “What do you think?”

She turns on the cute, but Dimitri Belikov is immune... or so she thinks. As soon as she turns around, a grin breaks out on his face. D*mn, she IS cute.

I think another key thing to remember about her speech is that Dimitri may not be aware of everything Rose has been through. He’s made it his priority to protect Lissa, and while he knows that the Dragomir family was all killed in the crash, save Lissa, he might not realize that Rose was in there. He might now have considered the loss she’s suffered.

And that sets her apart, further, from other students there. Yes, the other students there are isolated, to a point. They don’t really have families, and they’ve learned to cling to one another. But Rose did have a Found Family in the love of the Dragomirs. She lost them. They died.

This loss is another thing that separates Rose from a lot of the other Novices... this intimate understanding of loss and death. Something Dimitri shares.

Death has a way of changing a person. To understand loss and live a life with its grip still upon you takes superhuman strength, sometimes. And in that speech, Dimitri sees the serious side of her. He sees the fire. He sees the passion. He sees the survivor.

And he sees the Novice a little less.

“Lissa.” “Rose.”

Dimitri has seen Lissa’s panic. He can tell that his charge is struggling, Yes, Rose is banned from seeing Lissa. But, Dimitri had a best friend, once. He knew what it was to want to be there for him, no matter what. He can’t get Alexei back, but he can give Lissa and Rose this moment.

“What’s going on?” “It’s nothing you need to hear about right now.”

This is Rose putting Lissa first. And Dimitri can see that. He can hear it. He’s RIGHT THERE this whole time. Yes, Rose thinks she sneaked right by, but we know different.

In this conversation, Rose is hurting just as much as Lissa. They’re both facing exile. They’re both facing the worst possible things that can happen to them, save death.

But Rose doesn’t utter a word of her own strife. She prioritizes Lissa and her needs in that moment. That’s what a Damphir is supposed to do.

“I’ve missed you this week. You staying out of trouble?” “Oh, you know me. I’m always dancing alongside of it.”

And, again, Rose has the chance to tell Lissa what’s going on. But, she just got Lissa calm, and she knows that’s where Lissa needs to stay.

So, she chooses Lissa.

Lissa leaves, but Rose doesn’t. Dimitri looks in to see her standing there, crestfallen. She’s accepted her fate, and he knows it. He can see that she’s not balking it, fighting it, or trying to avoid it. In what might be her last night on campus, she has put Lissa first.

And he’s seen it all. He’s thought, before, that she was prideful and immature, that she was blasé about her fate. No. It’s hitting her so incredibly hard, but that strong woman he talked to earlier with her big epic speech is now showing him who she is... without her even being aware.

He knows, now, that a lot of Rose’s bravado isn’t lack of understanding... but protection. And he knows a bit about that. He protects himself with discipline and training. They’re very similar, though they attack the issue in different ways.

He’s seeing the Novice less and less. He’s seeing Rose. And right now, Rose is hurting.

“I’ve asked around about you. You’re one of the best Guardians around. Second only, maybe, to Rose’s mom. Yet earlier... somehow Rose slipped past you right when I needed her most.”

His definition of “protection” is shifting. I really do think he sees a lot of himself and Alexei in these two... Moroi and Damphir best friends. But, also, he sees Rose for the fighter that she is—full of fire and passion, but also dedicated entirely to Lissa when it matters most.

“Lissa. Has anyone told you what’s happening with Rose?”

You can see the internal struggle. He almost says nothing. He blinks several times, as though fighting internal programming to even get out Lissa’s name. Not Princess... Lissa. This is a personal request.

He could have let it be and done nothing, but when it comes to Rose Hathaway, that instinct to follow duty and the chain of command will be challenged. Essentially, he’s going to the top with this. He’s going over everyone’s heads for the sake of Rose. Now, Lissa’s relationship with Rose makes it possible, but this is still a struggle for our stoic, dedicated Guardian.

“I’m fucked.”

Rose accepts her fate, much as she hates it. As she sits at the bar with her friends, hair flowing beautifully, she looks behind her to catch the eyes of Dimitri Belikov—watching her. He’s concerned. He’s worried. She doesn’t know that, of course, and proceeds to drink with her friends and dance on the bar like it’s the last night of her life.

Dimitri can’t help bopping along the beat as he watches her dance. He can’t join in the chant—that’d be too obvious—but he is finding himself enjoying the show.

Dimitri walks up to pay, sliding a coin across the counter, when Lissa’ snog-fest causes Rose to pass out. He catches her as she practically slides into his arms. And as he looks down, the protective mode kicks in. He sees her, in need, in his arms. He looks back to Mason, who can say nothing.

Of course, Dimitri could have put Rose on a chair somewhere and walked out. He could have asked Mason to come down there to help her. He could have done so many things. Instead, he takes responsibility for what has fallen into his lap... for who has fallen into his lap. He carries Rose all the way home.

He looks to her as he walks, checking on her, worried about her. He doesn’t have to say a word. We can see it in his features—he’s caring for her.

Rose... less and less a Novice in his eyes... more and more his Rose... Roza...

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

“Fucking Dimitri.” ... “You can thank Dimitri for telling me. He carried you here, you know. In those big, manly arms of his.” “What kind of macho shit is that?”

I really feel like Rose isn’t used to love for the sake of love... even kindness. Lissa is the best thing in her life. Everyone else—even Mason—is her competition. Alberta is the resident stick in the mud. Mikhail and she have a great bond, but he’ll still try to help her stay in her place. And Dimitri is a Guardian nerd who’s a stickler for following the rules—her least favorite thing.

It doesn’t occur to her that he carried her there out of compassion. And I think that says a lot about just how much Rose Hathaway has closed herself off from the world, from feeling and caring, too much. Lissa is her exception.

And Lissa is noticing that Dimitri has a soft-spot for Rose. Even allowing that meeting in Rose’s dorm is a breach. That’s three times, now, in one episode he broke protocol for Rose—letting her see a nervous Lissa, telling Lissa about Rose’s tribunal, and letting Lissa visit Rose to tell her the good news.

“I passed out from kissing.” “Mason?”

This is such an intriguing exchange to me. Now, you’re probably wondering, “What is this doing in a Romitri meta?” Welp, I think it sets a huge precedent for how much Rose shares with Lissa.

Rose hasn’t told Lissa about Mason and their hookups. To Rose, it’s nothing worthy of note because it’s just two people who understand one another releasing steam and pent-up whatnot. It’s not a functioning relationship.

At this point, of course, she’s oblivious to Mason’s attachment to her. But, she still could have told Lissa... but she didn’t.

Death Watch

This is one of my favorite episodes for Romitri. Let’s have fun, shall we?

“Eloise. Hi!”

Dimitri runs into an old friend, but it’s not a good chat. The poor dear has been called up to Breed. Even as she has a sweet baby born out of love to raise, now she’s been selected to bear a new Damphir baby.

The wife of his best friend. Forced to sleep with a man. Dimitri’s heart breaks. His own mother and sisters are trapped in the same situation, but he can’t hug them right now. He can hug Eloise, and so he does.

Little does he know that Rose is watching from afar.

And this is the moment something in her shifts.

She doesn’t realize it, yet, but she’s caring more than she should about someone else’s life. She’s bothered, watching him embracing this woman and then joyfully greeting the baby.

Rose barely listens to Mason, who’s talking about her thanking him with sexual favors. And he doesn’t notice her attention on Dimitri. But in the whole conversation with Mason, she’s facing away... facing Dimitri.

It’s a foreshadowing of what is to come.

“Why do you do that to yourself?”

The moment Janine Hathaway struck her daughter in the face, everyone winced, Dimitri included. Now, as she sits with her broken blood vessels on her face, Rose barely acknowledges him. He holds out the ice pack to her as he settles down, sitting next to her for the first time since they spoke of the Tribunal.

That time, they sat next to each other only a few seconds. This time, they’re settled in. He’s here to stay.

When she doesn’t take the ice pack, he runs the back of his hand along the hair hanging from her ponytail so he can gently grasp her neck in the same space where someday she’ll bear Mjolnir marks. He lifts the ice pack with his right hand, touching it gently to her face.

Her eyes trail to him, taking it in. It’s another act of compassion.

Nobody else brought her an ice pack. Nobody else came to check on her. That’s just not the way things work. That’s not how Rose has learned to live. But here’s this man checking on her and bringing her help without her having to ask.

Her lips part as she looks at him, this time without a snarky comeback. It’s not until he asks the question that she shifts, uncomfortable. She takes the ice pack from him, still accepting the help, but putting a little distance between them.

“If you want to be number one, when someone of her caliber gives you advice, take it.”

Rose drops the ice pack at this... it’s a rejection. She’s rejecting him, rejecting this advice, and rejecting his lack of understanding about her complicated relationship with her mother.

Dimitri notes the shift as she moves to stand and he grabs ahold of her thigh—not restrictive, but to gain her attention. It works. She looks to him, surprised, and he leaves his hand there, almost unthinkingly.

“I know how much you want this.”

And there’s her lips parting, again. He’s not telling her advice to needle at her, to try to break her, to try to get in her head, to tell her that she’s got it all wrong where her mother is concerned. He’s telling her this because he genuinely wants her to get everything she wants.

And that’s different. That’s new.

Most people are rooting against her, even in her friend group. But here’s this man who has entered her life and he wants nothing more than for her to get what she wants.

They freeze in the moment, broken only by Janine Hathaway calling for her daughter. Dimitri’s hand slides off of Rose’s thigh and he places his hands together, reminiscent of how he stands on duty with hands clasped before him. It’s regaining control.

Rose stands to go to her mother, but she keeps the ice pack with her, and she looks behind her at Dimitri as she goes. He watches back.

Something has shifted.

“Hi.” “Hi. I hope you dance half as well as you fight.”

In the moment before, Rose was carefree with Mason. He’s her buddy (and f*ck buddy) and they love having fun together. But Dimitri? This is something else entirely.

They both smile in the second before they pair up, but as soon as her hands touch his shoulders, they both freeze up, taking one another in. It’s the first time they’ve ever touched, like this. He’s battled her, sure. And earlier he offered her the ice pack. He carried her home, once.

But, this is different.

This is the first time they’re in a circumstance where they’re allowed to laugh with one another, touch one another, dance with one another. It’s not awkward. It’s charged.

He lifts her up, and instead of throwing her hands in the air, she keeps her hands on his shoulders. No doubt she never pictured a dancing Dimitri, especially considering how much brooding he did the last time they were both in this pub.

As she comes down, Rose connects eyes with Dimitri, and they both beam. Dimitri takes off for the front of the line, and she goes with him. A baffled Mason spies it, and Meredith pulls him back into the dance, eager to keep the fun time from being ruined by jealous brooding.

Rose and Dimitri dance. They twirl. They laugh. He picks her up in his arms, holding her in the same way he did when he carried her home. But this time, when he looks down at her, she’s looking back up at him.

And she’s beaming.

“Have you seen my mother?”

Dimitri is standing outside, drinking alone, one hand in his pocket. It’s possible he knows what Alberta and the others now know—St Jude’s was an inside job.

It’s a lot harder to have fun and engage in revelry when something that dark and insidious makes itself known.

He drinks thoughtfully, but releases his glass when Rose reaches for it.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t drink after just anyone. Rose has no qualms stealing his drink, and it implies a level of trust has been built.

His drink relinquished from his hand, he shoves that hand in his pocket. It’s all about control. He has to keep his hands under control. Rose is here, and this time there’s no valid excuse to touch her.

Rose’s mother’s words echo in her mind. “Maybe you should ask your friend Dimitri if I’m right.” First off, wow, Mom. Calling out your daughter and her man after 2.5 seconds of seeing them together? There’s a reason you’re the best. Second, it plants a seed for poor Rose.

And Dimitri, the poor bloke, has to open up about his best friend, a Moroi, who he was in charge of Guarding.

But my favorite part... is when she asks Dimitri how he lost Alexei.

First off, the language is spoken by someone who has experienced loss. “How did he die?” can be a bit insensitive when you’re talking about the most important person in another’s life. Second, Rose knows what it is to experience great loss.

“How did you lose him?”

Watch Dimitri’s face (and this is ALL Kieron Moore) and how he responds.

Before he speaks, he soaks in the words, likely tossed back to the memories of his friend and the great loss. But, also, I think the irony is not lost on him. He’s aware that he feels something for Rose, at this point. But he thinks he’s keeping it under wraps. He thinks he’s still got control.

But, a small chuckle escapes him. Because his best friend wanted nothing more than for Dimitri to have a life of his own... to have something more than duty to drive him.

And she’s standing right here... right here in front of him.

“He was always on at me to take care of myself in the small ways a Guardian can... Draw clear lines between myself and the job... Take the time off in the rare moments it was offered.”

Rose listens. She cares about Dimitri. She cares about his loss.

It’s a far cry from poor Mason, who will get on her next episode about her lack of interest. But, it’s a poignant juxtaposition of who Rose is with Dimitri versus who she is with Mason.

Dimitri draws something out in her that nobody else can, just as she does the same for him. They’re meeting each other in the middle a little more every day from the far-off points where they first began.

Dimitri is no longer in Rose’s way... not when he’s actively cheering her on. And he seems genuine. He’s real. He’s authentic. And he truly wants good things for her.

And now she can see why.

He has experienced great loss. He has gone through the very heartache he’s tried to spare her from—serving as Guardian to one’s best friend and losing them.

Rose trusts him, now. That’s huge for Rose. But he understands her plight in a way no one else in her life can. He’s been through it. He’s struggled with it. And just as he saw her bravado stripped before Lissa’ Specialization Ceremony, now Rose sees Dimitri stripped of the discipline and duty.

She sees the man, not the Mentor.

“I want everything he wanted for you. I want to do my sworn duty. I want honor. I want to protect my best friend from danger. And I want a life to call my own.”

Dimitri smiles a little at that. Yup. That’s everything Alexei wanted for him... everything he has convinced himself he can never have.

“My mother thinks Guardians can’t have that. And I’m starting to wonder if that’s true.” “I think Janine is one of the smartest women I know.”

Another thing Rose does not want to hear. She turns away... but this time he doesn’t have to reach over to keep her from leaving. His voice does it.

“But. I would never bet against you, Rose Hathaway.”

Rose smiles up at him, and he offers a small smile back. She knows he means it, and he’s finding himself more fond of her smile.

Something’s shifting.

“For it to work, I need to be as good as you. Will you teach me?”

During this exchange, Mason wanders out. He sees the two talking, but neither acknowledge him. Rose can’t see him, and Dimitri’s full attention is on her. I feel for poor Mason, I really do. But coming between these two is harder than breaking super charged magnets with your bare hands.

Ignoring Mason (because I firmly believe Dimitri is too disciplined not to notice him at all), Dimitri drinks in her words. Wow, this is a long way from where they began. Now she actively wants his help. She trusts him enough to ask, which is huge for Rose Hathaway, who is very accustomed to doing things on her own.

He smiles at her, a chuckle escaping. And our favorite rule-following Guardian nerd can’t help laying down a few rules.

“If I were to teach you, you’d have to take it as seriously as every other official class.” “I would.” “And you’d work on my schedule.” “I would.” “And no talking back.” “Mmmm, that last one.”

Folks, he is smitten. I don’t think we’ve ever seen Dimitri smile and laugh as much as this episode, and it’s all been because of Rose Hathaway. He’s completely smitten.

But he still thinks he has it all under control.

Benchmark

Rose Hathaway Tries Not to Tackle her Mentor

Like, seriously, that’s half the point of the training montage. Yes, we see it come back in this episode and in the next, but it’s mostly Rose Hathaway being majorly turned on by Dimitri Belikov.

Her little gasps for air? Oh, girl is in trouble!

Even Mason passing by, on his way to class, can see from a distance that these two are spending a lot of free time together.

“You’ve been paying attention.” “I have a fairly decent teacher.” “Fairly decent?”

Woah. You two just turned it up to 11 and I was not prepared for that. They’re openly flirting while sparring. And they’re both having a blast with this.

It feels like the first time Rose has had a real opponent to spar with who also happens to be on her side. And it doesn’t matter that they’re both slowly going mad for one another.

There’s this rhythm between them that grows more natural the closer they grow. In sparring and loving, they are well-matched and growing more in-sync, while still attacking each situation from different viewpoints.

“So the rules work?”

Ah, there’s our little Guardian nerd out in all his glory. Book lovers have mentioned that Dimitri has a lot of rules, so this feels like a nod to them.

Rose gets the upper hand and slams him down on the pew, and that boy breaks out into a mad grin. Oh, yeah, he likes that!

“Still room for improvement.”

Dimitri breaks away and the pair spar, ending on the floor with Rose’s stake in Dimitri’s heart and her legs spread across his body, prone on the floor. His right hand holds her arm on his chest.

Any other situation, this position would be entirely off-limits for them. But, in the spirit of sparring, it’s completely accepted. However, how long they stay in that position after she staked him might seem a little suspect.

They breathe hard together, eyes locked on one another. Rose is savoring this victory over him, and he’s enjoying every moment of it.

And poor Mason has a perfect view of the two. He know Rose prefers it on top. And he knows a look of desire when he sees one. He’s crestfallen.

When Alberta calls time, they stand up, and Rose and Dimitri can’t help but sneak a glimpse of one another.

Control is slipping.

“First rule of being a Guardian. They come first.” “More rules. Goody.” “Rose.”

I don’t know why, but this always sounds like the warning voice of a boyfriend, not of a Mentor. There’s something in his voice that is so familiar saying her name, now, so intimate that it can break through even her most stubborn moment.

Mikhail stands behind Rose (He’s always got her back). Alberta stands before her (the authority figure). But Dimitri stands to her left, facing her. He’s on her same level in this moment, despite being an authority figure. And his focus is on her.

“You aided Eddie in protecting his charge, took on the great Dimitri Belikov and lived to tell the tale.”

Dimitri nods to her in reverence, and she shoots him a small smile. 

“Look. You’ve moved up two positions.”

Rose’s attention on the Leader Board, Alberta motions for Mikhail to join her. Dimitri, free from any orders, walks alongside Rose, noting her distress.

“You could complain more, or you could get some sleep.”

I love how Kieron Moore plays that line. The first half is their combative banter they’ve perfected. The second half, his voice drops near a whisper... intimate.

He even offers her a knowing look, quirking the edges of his mouth up as he turns to face her, giving her a little more incentive to go get some sleep because he already knows her well enough to know she’d gladly choose to complain more.

“I plan on coming for you even harder next time.” “Can’t wait. Comrade.”

Alberta looks up just in time to see Dimitri in profile, looking at this Novice in a way he never should—with desire, adoration, and admiration.

As Rose walks away, he turns to follow her, his eyes trailing over her body, and anyone watching would know—Dimitri’s got it baaaad.

“You might not get so lucky next time when it comes to who you’re fighting.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Nothing.”

Mason is jealous. He can see the spark between Dimitri and Rose, but it sounds like he thinks it’s much more one-sided than it is. Also, this is super horrible and sad statement in retrospect considering the next person who Rose will fight will be... Strigoi’d Mikhail... But that’s a story for another Meta.

“We have to tell someone.”

Here it is. That growth that Dimitri was looking for Rose in the first episode. Something horrible and irresponsible has happened. And instead of trying to hide it, Rose realizes there’s a reason for the chain of command. There’s a reason there are rules, even if she loves breaking them so much.

“Rose? You alright?”

The moment he sees her storming across the square, he abandons his post. He can tell that something’s wrong. He’s learning to read her, to understand her, to pick up on those little things that make Rose who she is.

“I hate staying here and following your fucking rules, but he needs more than me right now.”

Rose tries to storm past him, but Dimitri puts out a staying arm. He wants her to confide in him. He wants to be there for her. And as soon as she tells him it’s Mason, the pair of them take off to find Alberta and Mikhail.

“I hate that I wasn’t there to help.”

This vulnerability while they train... it’s so intimate.

It’s strange, because they’re in a wide-open space where anyone could see and hear them, and yet this exchange is somehow entirely theirs. Rose doesn’t talk about emotions and needs, about her fears and wants. But she does with Dimitri.

In Dimitri, she’s found someone she can trust, even with her vulnerabilities. And she doesn’t even realize, yet, that he’s the one she can confide in.

“You don’t think you helped. Because of you, Christian and Mason survived the night.”

They stand back-to-back, so he can’t see her expression. But the grim one on his as she pulls away shows he doesn’t need to. He already knows he didn’t get through.

“All I did was tell you that my friends were in trouble. I didn’t fight! I just sat here while you and the other Guardians saved them. Mason said that I didn’t come after him to protect my ranking.” “He’s wrong.”

Dimitri locks eyes with her. She’d forced them apart in one push, but he takes a step toward her, now seeing the root of her anxiety and frustration.

He takes another step. And another. Closing the physical distance between them with his feet while closing the emotional distance with his words.

“What you did was far harder than fighting tonight... at least for you! You’re number one because you obeyed the chain of command. You did your duty.”

He finally settles an arm’s length away from her. He can see he’s getting through. She has no quips in response.

“Well, it sucked.” “Maybe. But tonight, Roza, you were brave.”

Control. Is. Slipping.

Yes, we can debate the accent all day. But an English actor doing Russian is never going to sound as pure as a Russian doing Russian. Or someone from Spain speaking Spanish (and there are even different accents throughout Hispanic cultures).

I did voice work for years, and I was known for my accents. But I had to have my voice taken out of my headphones to do it. Accent work is tough and I’m not here to judge. Instead, I’m here to enjoy Dimitri Belikov, King of the Nerd Guardians, Enthusiastic Rule-Follower... totally slip up.

He called her Roza.

I understand from book lovers that this is a big deal. Trust me, television-only watchers can feel this moment, too! It’s the first time his affection for her really spills out in a way that he can’t take back... in a way that she can obviously see and he can’t refute.

Well, he could try to refute it. But, he can’t.

“Roza?”

Watch. His. Face.

His face loses so much of the stoicism that carries Dimitri much of the time. He’s taken back to his childhood while also propelled forward to his future. He’s suddenly a shy boy talking to a girl instead of a steadfast Guardian, slayer of Strigoi.

“Sorry. Every now and then my Russian childhood comes out.”

Look. At. His. Face. He is looking for her to believe that... that it’s a slip of Russian childhood and not a slip of, “You are the most important person in my life, please don’t reject me now”.

Roza takes it in, breathes it in, asserting that she likes it. Watch how Sisi Stringer swallows after she says it, too. She’s as nervous as he is, right now. But she’s not going to show it.

And he drinks in her words. It emboldens him. Though, I suspect he also sees the person coming up to “kidnap” Rose for the rest of the benchmarks.

“You also live to fight another day. Which brings us to another important rule: always be ready, ‘cause today is a new day, and the Benchmarks continue.”

He’s closed more of the distance between them, so close he could kiss her. Instead, he leans down, whispering in her ear.

“Good luck, Roza.”

It takes her off-guard. It surprises her. Sisi Stringer does this thing with Rose where her lips part around Dimitri, especially when Rose is turned on by him. Her mouth drops so bloody fast in this moment, his breath whispering against her ear.

She likes his breath on her skin.

And, distraction or not, our boy meant it. He’s settling into his feelings for her more and more. But having a few days away from her is good for him. He needs the distance. He needs to regain his control. And staying here while she’s out there for the Benchmarks is a good way to cool down.

At least, that was the plan...

Near Guard, Far Guard

“Stand down, Dimitri. That is an order, Guardian.”

He was already upset. Now he’s enraged. For the Council to be so thoughtless and cruel is no surprise. But he had hoped for more from Alberta. And his worry for Rose is rising.

“Dimitri will do as he is told.”

Look. At. His. Face. That’s never been an issue for him before. He’s a champion at following the chain of command and doing what the rules demand.

But that was before he met Rose Hathaway.

“How could you?” “Don’t fucking lecture me. I have no choice. I do what I’m told. You should really have more faith in Rose’s abilities, especially considering all the extra training you’ve been providing her.”

Dimitri nods curtly, but he knows he’s caught. He knows his caring for Rose is showing, and he knows that anything he says can be used against them both. He bottles it up.

Alberta takes note of it, and she softens... a little.

I try to think of the motivation behind that shift in her, and I can only think that she knows they are all human, and she can see that despite whatever Dimitri might be feeling, he’s still trying to follow the chain of command and do his duty. That matters bigly in the Guardian world.

“They can handle it. She can handle it. If she can’t, Bravo Team will.”

She stalks off, the decision made. Dimitri can’t keep it together. He heads to church to pray for Rose.

“Prayers won’t help Rose, but you can.”

It’s the permission he needs. He might not have Alberta’s, but he has his charge’s, a Moroi’s, and he’s off to save Rose.

Rose Battles Strigoi Mikhail

In one of the most heart-breaking moves of the series thus far, Rose has to battle one of her best friends who has been turned. As she lays on her back, prone, with the Strigoi on top of her, my mind trails back to the Pilot.

True to form, Dimitri shows up to yeet the Strigoi off of Rose. But this time, he doesn’t glare down at her before offering her a hand up. He reaches down, pulls her up, and the two of them exchange a knowing glance.

We know what to do.

Rose and Dimitri don’t need words. They know the flow of one another’s styles. They know the movements, but more than that they know the feel. That’s what gets them through this fight. It’s not just the training, but the trust.

They move easily together, using the rhythms they’ve established in training to come up on the Strigoi together. When Dimitri realizes he’s getting thrown to the side, he connects eyes with Rose and releases his stake into the space between them. She reaches for it, connecting.

But it’s not enough. The Strigoi knocks her back and she finds herself on her back, once more. But this time when the Strigoi strikes, her stake is true. It finds its mark, and she sees the life drain away.

As she lays there, trapped beneath him partially because of the weight and position, and partly because of her paralyzing heartbreak, she weeps silently.

Dimitri rouses from his spot and rushes to her, wrenching the dead body off of her. You can see the streaked tears on Sisi Stringer’s face, and it breaks my heart every time. We know she’s already been crying.

But, the stake free of her friend’s heart, she now sees him, again. Mikhail. The one who knocked boots with her. The one who constantly reminded her of her worth. Her big brother in the Damphir ranks.

“Mikhail.” “He’s gone.” “Mikhail.” “He’s gone.” “No!”

Rose shoves Dimitri off, and he can feel her heartbreak radiating off of her. He tries to get her attention, fumbling over his words, fumbling for her face.

“Rose. Roza.”

He grabs hold of her chin, stroking it. She meets his eyes. But her pain doesn’t abate. It merely shifts from denying her loss to being forced to accept it. Dimitri’s hand falls away as his face contorts, struggling to find a way to take away her pain and finding none.

She weeps over her friend, and Sisi Stringer crushes the agony here. You can feel every ounce of loss Rose feels in the moment.

Dimitri tries to comfort her, staying close, keeping an arm on her. They don’t note when the other Guardians approach, don’t even hear their voices. The two of them are trapped in a moment. This is a horrible, terrible moment.

But Rose isn’t controlling herself anymore than Dimitri is.

This is their first shared moment of lost control. She isn’t putting on a front and pretending that everything is okay. He isn’t keeping his distance and pretending that he doesn’t care.

To me, this is the moment of no return.

Rose has abandoned protocol to mourn. Dimitri has abandoned protocol to comfort her. In this moment, there’s nobody else there, to them. It’s them, and the fallen body of their one-friend... her big brother.

It isn’t until Alberta’s voice breaks through calling for “Status” that they both freeze, caught in an unsanctioned moment.

They straighten, and both fix their hair as they turn to face Alberta. It’s all about Control... about how they’re supposed to act in this moment as Guardians.

Rose gives the report through her tears, the voice only failing as she speaks the name of her fallen friend.

Dimitri stands to Rose’s left, as he once did... Alberta in front of them. Mikhail behind... But, oh, this situation is so different from that one only a night earlier.

Dimitri turns to face Rose as Alberta gets a good look at Mikhail. She says nothing of him breaking protocol. She says nothing of him allowing Lissa to show up there, unattended. Instead, she looks at her dead friend and tries to keep together while telling Dimitri to take Rose home.

And, yes, I know I’m not the only one who’s curious how that motorcycle ride went.

“How are you feeling?” “Like I’ve just had a thousand people trample over my corpse. I’m fine. Promise.”

She lies. And Lissa doesn’t even notice the lie. She breezes on by. And this isn’t a criticism of Lissa. She’s excited about something amazing she did, and she wants to heal her friend, and she is used to Rose being fine. Rose is always fine. Lissa misses the details.

“Rose. How do you feel?” “Like I killed a piece of myself. Like suddenly I’m beginning to wonder if I even want to do this anymore.”

Let’s start out by saying—Dimitri is in the Novice dorms. That’s insane. He’s stepped out of his world, out of their neutral world, and completely into hers. Yes, he’s still got his hands in his pockets to keep himself in control, but he’s here.

Control is slipping.

And the words falling from Rose’s lips are laced in agony. Her heart has broken, the the faceless Strigoi baddies of her past experience are replaced with the very familiar face of one of her dearest friends... who she killed.

“I wish I could say it gets easier, but” “But it fucking sucks?” “But it fucking sucks.”

I love this moment. They get one another in a way that nobody else really does.

Rose is the only one of her friends to experience such grief upon grief, losing the Dragomirs and then Mikhail. She is the one who had to put a stake in the heart of her friend and big brother figure. Dimitri understands this horror and heartache. He knows what it is to kill people once called friend.

And she’s completely open with him in a way that she can’t be with anyone else. She allows herself to be vulnerable with him, to talk to him about how she’s feeling and what she’s experiencing, instead of only surface-level chit chat. There’s something deeper between her and Dimitri, and she’s beginning to understand that.

So is he.

Watch his face before he starts his approach. He hesitates. Second guesses. But, no, he’s going to do this. He’s already come so far.

He crosses to her, removing his hands from his pockets, and he squats down to face her, putting them on a more equal footing, but not being so presumptuous as to sit on her bed.

“I’m sorry that Lissa got involved.”

This is huge. He’s always said that people need to accept responsibility for their mistakes and actions. That’s what he’s doing, here. He knows how much Lissa means to Rose, and this time it was his actions (if indirectly) that lead to Lissa being in danger.

“I’m supposed to prevent her from getting into danger, on shift or not. My mind should have been on her instead of...” “Instead of what?”

Rose is so tired. Her eyes trail to his mouth, as though reading his lips will make it easier to focus on this conversation.

“You. And whether or not you were safe.”

I love this line reading. His voice starts to break at the end of the sentence. His emphasis on “you” and “safe” tell you everything you need to know about his convictions and his priorities. They’re horribly out of order now.

Control is slipping.

He meets her eyes, looking for something, and she can only stare back in surprise. Of course, she’s felt something between them, but she knows what a stickler for the rules he is. She knows how impossible it would be for them to ever be together. She knows that it’s not going to happen.

Or maybe it is.

She barely moves when she hears Mason’s voice. And when Mason rounds the corner, she’s alone and standing, as though she can no longer occupy the space she shared before without Dimitri... not when she’s facing Mason.

Mason asks how she is, and she deflects. She can’t tell him. And then he confesses to her that she’s the one good thing in this place for him. He places all his happiness squarely on her shoulders. Honestly, it’s the last thing she needs, at this moment.

Rose ends the episode in absolute agony, high on the dark side of Spirit, and shattering the Leader Board in a way she never intended.

COMING SOON: Episodes 6-10, and hopefully a S2 renewal!

Thank you all for reading. I’ll do the second batch at the end of the season. But thanks for sticking around for the first batch! See you around.

[dranna]

I’ve been rewatching the HP films during the holidays and I’ve got some thoughts regarding Slytherins..mainly how they are treated.

I’ll be focusing on the Chamber of Secrets and the end of Sorcerers’ Stone in this post. 

I’m sorry if I confuse names and quotes all together, I’m learning German so I’ve been watching the movies in this language. There will be some quotes I’ll bring from the books (I have the books, but I find Harry’s pov so frustrating that .. I simply can’t enjoy reading them)

So, let’s start with the Sorcerers’ Stone:

There is 1 thing we can single out from the first movie regarding Slytherins: the House Cup 

It’s the end of the year, Ron, Hermione and Harry solved the puzzles and got the stone. Amidst the worry of the stone being stolen, the Slytherins collected enough points to rise to first place and potentially win the House Cup.  Possibly again, after a six-year streak. Then comes the evening feast, where Dumbledore awards points to Gryffindor, rather in a cruel way I think, with which they win the Cup. It’s such a public, humiliating, last minute announcement. Taking it away from the Slytherin students in front of the competitors, who all spiced up against them, is an open invitation for all the pupils who already have some kind of dislikes and prejudices for this house and it’s inhibitors.

“.. even Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were celebrating the downfall of Slytherin.”

The downfall of Slytherins? Celebrating in front of the professors?

“Better Hufflepuff than Slytherin. There’s not a single witch or wizard who went bad who wasn’t in Slytherin.”

‘Yes, I have prejudices against Slytherins. However Severus is, mean yes, but trustworthy.’ - Probabaly Dumbledore while knitting his socks 

It begs the question: how can you be surprised then, when the whole ‘evil snake house’ — whose students, children, get this treatment from others, the second they set foot in the school — joins on the side of a party, who has power over the ‘Hogwartians’?  Slytherins voluntarily jumping on the Chamber of secret support, offer their services to Umbrige etc? But I’m jumping ahead of myself. 

The House Cup might mean more to Slytherins than to the other houses. To the others, it might seem like a simple competition, but to Slytherins it might be a sign of pride. For example, Severus was around 24 when his house winning series started. It would be an impressive achievement, even if he was older. This is the Slytherins way of showing, that apart from the Professors and students mutual distrust and dislike, they can still achieve, compite and eventually win. And yes they bully and mock others — which is not at all ok — but it might be justified in their eyes based on the others’ treatments towards them? 

What we learned about Slytherins so far?

Everyone who is sorted there, turns out evil no matter what 

Other students hate them 

They are the undesirables house outside pure blood families

Professors and Dumbledore, the wisest wizard and headmaster enabling and supporting prejudices against these students 

They bully others

The Chamber of Secrets:

There are 2 things I’ll point out from this movie: Lucius slipping the diary to Ginny, and the Slytherins getting brand new equipment and a new seeker. 

Start with the first one. Why now? Why Lucius?

They didn’t include this scene in the movie, but in the book we see Draco complaining — we can assume that he also does this at home, not only at the store — about Potter and the school to his father, who at first doesn’t seem interested at all. Still, Lucius will be the one, who eventually brings the diary to the surface again, resulting in unleashing the ‘monster’ from the Chamber of Secrets and endangering the Muggle-Borns. 

“Father says to keep my head down and let the Heir of Slytherin get on with it.” 

We learn that he keeps it as a secret from Draco, leaving him in arrogance. Maybe because he want to keep Draco safe? Could it be revenge against Dumbledore’s disposition? To rid the school of his beloved Muggle-borns?

“Why don’t they just chuck all the Slytherins out?”

: Lee Jordan’s reacting to all the Slytherins being safe while the others live in fear. We can see how paranoia blooms from little distaste under such pressure among the students. I think this is the same reason why Salazar Slytherin wanted only pure blood students in the school and why Lucius decided to ‘use’ the diary. We even see a scene at the end of the movie between Lucius and Harry: just how much dislike, even hate the older man feels towards this boy. And still it leaves a weird taste in my mouth, that the teachers don't really do anything… again. 

The Gryffindor quidditch team is on their way to the pitch to practice, however they are confronted by the news that the Slytherins have permission to practice there too. By further examining, we can see that they all have brand new brooms, better then Harry’s and a new seeker as well: Draco. It came off to me as arrogant, rich people showing off the first time I saw the movies but now, I think it’s a kind of counterattack to the previous years’ humiliation. 

What happened in the first year regarding Quidditch? 

One rule we learn pretty early on is that first years aren’t allowed to have brooms: so why Harry had? Why Harry? Why not someone else? You are trying to tell me that there aren’t any students who grew up in magical families, who can fly better than him and also first years?  

First years aren’t allowed to play in a quidditch team: why was Harry allowed? Why not any other exceptional student? The ones who grew up around magic might be able to play better in some positions than him.

I assume families pay for the student’s brooms: who paid for Harry’s? Then why it’s a problem that a parent is able to pay for his sons’ team’s new equipment?

How did the school react when the Slytherins lost the House Cup that year? 

Imagine these happenings from the Slytherins point of view: ‘ huh. If they all hate us, then how can they expect us to play by the rules? If we don’t even have the chance to play fairly? Then we might as well cheat.’

I’ve literally wrote it while I couldn’t sleep, sorry for mistakes and grammar

[thenightlymirror]

Woke up pissed about AI, and what will be funny in hindsight is that I was already thinking in terms of “writing a post” about it.

So, within the next few years, which is to say, already, every time we open an app, or use a tool or some appliance, because of AI, we will be constantly negotiating, which is to say, arguing, with our tools as we use them. It annoys me so much that you won’t be making choices anymore, but constantly assisted as you operate. Even as I type now, I’m negotiating constantly with autocorrect to help me type this. Which is to say, I’ve already been trained to be in constant negotiation with my supposed tools.

My initial impression of this is the annoyance of dealing not with the intelligence of machines, but their stupidity. If every object I use is guessing at what I’ll do as I’m doing it, really, it’s challenging my decisions as I’m making them. Every object does this, but AI is different in that it takes the normal level of predictably out of, say, skateboarding down the street. I suppose driving down a road that slightly twists up at the sides to help you on curves is a similar idea, but AI is a road that twists based on what it believes you will do.

The point is, you will no longer be making decisions alone, your decisions will essentially be made for you before you realize they’ve been asked. The AI trains you. The user interface trains you. Your intelligence becomes mostly artificial. What will be left, is a sort of convenience exhaustion that is somehow even stronger than the alienation we feel now, and a kind of haplessness when presented with “dumb” tools.

I realize that no tool is a “dumb” tool, and our mind is already pre-constructed by our technologies before we are aware of what we want to do. But I’m just already so sick of it. I guess it just never occurred to me that the point of artificial intelligence is to end human intelligence.

Of course, I want to say individual intelligence, but of course an individual’s intelligence is mostly social already. I guess you could argue about if capitalism has given us more individual intelligence or less. You are individuated, isolated, you read a book and read another individual’s thoughts and it reconstructs you into a narrator, and then the factory and the movie theater, the TV, and the user interface, the search engine, Wikipedia, Excel, Facebook, Twitter reconstructs you. Tumblr reconstructs you. Imagine how social media has turned us into people shouting in rage at some imagined Big Other. Every time I open Facebook, I just want to scream at my sedentary liberal friends. In a way that shows how not mad I am. Always the same frustrated urge.

So I post here instead.

So I have a smart phone that directs my urges to different platforms. One day it will be listening to what’s happening to me and direct me to let it out in one of a handful of nightlymirror posts that we are already all familiar with. Would you like to me to remember your dream for you, theysir? A rant about your isolation, theysir? What kind of math is that theysir on, sir, I mean theysir?

Anyway. I was thinking more about wiggly hammers, and not iPhones. (I didn’t capitalize that, the AI did.)

[kats-kradle]

Hey! Journeying over from rereading your fics to ask you some Poirot questions! : ) Had you already liked Poirot prior to 2017’s Murder on the Orient Express? And did you immediately fall in love with Bouc in the first film or did it take until Death on the Nile?

Hi!! I love talking about Poirot!! Buckle up😂😂

First off I would like to say that it made my day to see that not only did you read my fics but you reread them!! And then you actually came here to talk to me!! You’re the first person who’s actually done that so it really made my day. 

Also: I apologize in advance. When I start talking about Poirot I tend to launch into rants and I… may have done that here so I will say now in case you don’t make it to the end that I would love to hear your thoughts about the movies or anything else Poirot related! Did you know about Poirot before the movie? What are your thoughts about Bouc?

To answer your questions, I guess I could say that technically I liked Poirot before watching the movie. I actually had never heard about Poirot until the movie came out, and one of my sister’s friends took her to see it and then leant her the book. I stole it and read it in almost one night and ever since then have been absolutely enthralled by Agatha Christie! I own almost all of the Poirot books and have been trying to branch out and sample her other writings, but I keep coming back to Poirot. 

By the time Death on the Nile came out I forgot the Bouc was a character who existed because I hadn’t seen MotOE since it came out in 2017. When I saw him, I did remember that he’d been in the last movie, and was absolutely delighted that they were going to turn him into the Hastings of the movies (especially because he was so happy and full of life😭) which of course we all know what happened with that and now that I’ve recovered from my shock and denial I can take a step back and acknowledge it was a FANTASTIC choice to kill him, and to do it in such a shocking way—but also, I’m also not a a fan of how much Kenneth Branagh deviated from the source material by doing that. 

Adding Bouc to the movie was a choice that made sense, if Kenneth Branagh is going for a Poirot Cinematic Universe. People expect a sidekick, and in stories where the cast has to change every movie, it’s nice for the audience to have a familiar face other than the main detective. However, I also think Kenneth Branagh shot himself in the foot by shooting Bouc in the neck, because he went out of his way to add and establish Bouc as a reoccurring character, just to kill him off in the second movie. I think the audience will now have more difficulty connecting with the side characters in the future since they’ve had two movies with the same character, as a opposed to already being used to the characters changing every movie. But then again, I’m still in denial. Along with this, it’s setting up the next movie to have a distinctly dark tone.

Well, now I’ve gotten started on the topic of Poirot and I can’t stop😂😂😂 Enjoy my decent into madness.

Another way that dear Kenny boy shot himself in the foot is with the iconic mustache. His mustaches in MotOE were luscious and beautiful, despite the critic they received. Branagh understood that Poirot has impressive mustaches that are quite a spectacle to behold, even if the rest of the world can only picture the measly little mustache that David Suchet displays in his version of Poirot (don’t get me wrong I love those adaptations but just… the mustache is all wrong. And David Suchet Poirot is a subject for a different time or we’ll be here forever😂😂). In DotN, for some reason he felt the need to give the mustaches a tragic backstory????? Narratively, I guess it’s a nice bookend and theme to the movie as a whole. BUT HE FELT THE NEED TO GIVE THE MUSTACHES A TRAGIC BACKSTORY????????????? Despite the fact that in DotN the mustaches aren’t actually long enough anymore to cover up the scaring shown at the beginning, HAIR DOESNT GROW ON SCAR TISSUE!!!! It just doesn’t make sense😭 Along with that, now he’s destroyed the main characteristic of Poirot, his trademark. Poirot is quite vain about his mustaches and even when he wears a fake one in Curtain (for reasons that I won’t spoil but if you know you know) Hastings only finds out at the end of the book, and Poirot’s manservant treats the subject with delicacy since the mustaches were such a sensitive subject to Poirot. 

While I’m STILL talking about Poirot (forgive my rant I can’t stop) I’m going to take the opportunity to mention the stark difference in quality between MotOE and DotN. I’ve now seen both of these movies multiple times and back to back. Overall, I think MotOE is much better. DotN uses a lot of green screen, and it’s pretty obvious and creates for some flat feeling backgrounds. For MotOE, they took shots of the mountains and overlayed the train on, instead of all CGI. Now, I don’t know for sure how much of each movie and which parts use CGI; it could be that MotOE uses more CGI and I just have a bad eye for spotting it. It was just my impression that the backgrounds in DotN were severely lacking. 

And let’s talk about the music. MotOE delivers and excellent score that makes you feel a wide variety of emotions, and they use the theme of repetition well in The Armstrong Case. For me, it had just reached the point in the movie where the theme could have started to be annoying; but the. they used it magnificently when Poirot was explaining the murder, and the simple and relentless, already melancholy melody turned into something truly heartbreaking, turning a scene of twelve people stabbing a man to death into something poetic. 10/10 one of the best uses of music and one of the best scenes ever, in my opinion. DotN, besides the songs sung by the talented Sophie Okonedo as Salome Otterbourne, has no notable music to take away from the movie, besides the absolutely grating (I don’t know what it’s called but it goes like. DUN DUN. DUUUN! DUN DUN. DUUUN! I think if you search Death on the Nile on YouTube you’ll find the song titled the same by Patrick Doyle). I got tired of hearing that by the third time it played, and my annoyance with it was one of the main things that I took away from the movie. 

AND ANOTHER THING both movies took creative liberties with the stories, but one of the creative liberties I did not like about DotN was how explicit they made it. Between that dance floor scene and the scene at the tomb… when I go to see a movie that’s rated PG-13 I like to feel comfortable seeing it with my father and not feel the need to slam my hands over my little sister’s ears. Especially when I want to slam them over my ears instead😭

All this being said I’m 100% going to go see a Haunting in Venice, but not because I’m expecting it to be good. I’d just like more fuel for my rants. I didn’t even get touch upon what an amazing actor Tom Bateman is and how I’m mad that he only plays serial killer roles outside of Bouc. 

Anyways I hope that answers your questions😅 thank you for your ask, and congratulations if you made it this far. It did truly make my day to see the phrase “rereading” in association with my fics, and I feel as if you were some curious passerby on the street who I started passionately and somewhat aggressively ranting at. I apologize. Also I took a break from ranting to check out your blog and you’ve got a great curation of posts. Good luck getting rid of me now. Prepare to see me in your notifications. Sorry for the essay.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

9 People You’d Like to Know More

tagged by @wen-kexing-apologist and @thewayofsubtext  <3

Tumblr keeps eating every draft of this post that I write, argh! 

Last Song I Listened To

When I started writing this, I was being lazy and letting the YouTube algorithm pick songs for me and I was listening to this song, Unfucktheworld by Angel Olsen. I've been exchanging song recommendations with a friend for a while now and I guess she has gotten to know me pretty well because this is way up my alley.

But then another song came on--We Ride by Brave Girls (a.k.a. BB Girls)--and that became the new last song I listened to. It's another song that a friend recommended to me. This time it was a friend I've been emailing with back and forth about East Asian pop music. He's a big fan of City Pop, a genre that came out of Japan in the 80s, and he sent me a list of some recent kpop songs that are influenced by/reminiscent of City Pop, including this one. I took to it right away, and it was a big hit with my daughter. 

Currently Watching

I Told Sunset About You - I’m just one episode in to this one and I can already tell it’s going to hit me where it hurts. I took a break due to family visits and related stuff but I’m fixing to dive back in. 

Moonlight Chicken - I got stalled out on this one just as it was getting good, thanks to some life stuff. I need to pick it back up!

Star Trek: Discovery - I’m a big Star Trek fan and recently rewatched everything from TNG through Voyager, but I hadn’t kept up with any of the newest series in years. I’m so glad I decided to start Discovery because it is shaping up to be one of my favorite Star Trek series. There are a lot of reasons for this. Really great LGBT+ representation is a factor. This is also is the first Star Trek series that has inspired more actor crushes in me than DS9. Michelle Yeoh in a corset! Tig Notaro as a cranky engineer! I’m dying over here. 

Minato's Laundromat season 2 - I was looking forward to this as soon as it was announced, but with the usual anxiety that comes with a second season of a BL. I wasn’t 100% sure about the direction of the season at first, but now it’s settling in with some really interesting themes. 

Reservation Dogs - I wasn’t entirely sure about this show when I first started watching during the first season. But not only did it grow on me, it has also been getting better and better. The latest episode, which focused in part on an abusive government-sponsored boarding school (of the sort designed to rob Indigenous kids of their culture), was one of the best of the series so far. 

Edited to add: I forgot about Kamen Rider Geats! My family has been catching up on it and we're almost caught up just in time for the finale. I'm liking it a lot more than I thought I would when I watched the first few episodes, but not as much as my partner (who said he thinks it's one of his favorite Kamen Rider series he's seen). I'm really impressed with the cast, though. I'd especially like to see the actors who play Keiwa and Buffa in more things in the future.

Currently Reading

I’ve been listening to the audiobook version of The Method: How the Twentieth Century Learned to Act by Isaac Butler for a while now, but I’m having an annoying situation where it keeps getting returned to the library even though I’ve renewed it. I could just start another book, but I don’t want to! This one is really interesting. 

The vast majority of people spend a significant amount of their time watching (non-documentary) movies and TV series, which involves watching actors engage in this specific art form. And we have opinions about what constitutes good or bad acting. Yet most of us know so little about how acting is done, what kinds of theories underpin acting practice, how actors prepare for roles and scenes. I wanted to not only find out more about that, but also dig a little deeper into the differences between approaches and how they’ve branched off and clashed and so forth. 

So far I’ve gotten a lot of good background and plenty to think about, even though I’m just getting to the point where the Method/System/whateveryoucallit is starting to take on in the US. I’m guessing it’s going to get even more relevant from there.

Current Obsession

I’m always obsessing about lots of things so I’m probably never going to be able to identify just one. Some currents ones are:

waiting for Utsukushii Kare: Eternal to be available with English subtitles somewhere, somehow

foraging blackberries, making jelly out of them, and baking biscuits to go with the jelly

waiting for it to be fall already because I hate sweating and I love wearing layers

finding my Animal Crossing character some decent glasses

thinking about possible BL/Jane Austen parallels for tumblr posts

finishing a post about psychological aspects of Utsukushii Kare that I’ve been writing off and on for months and that has gotten so long it will probably have to be split up into 3-4 posts

Serge Lutens Jeux de Peau perfume (my beloved)

I didn't tag anyone. It makes me anxious and I think pretty much everyone I know on here has been tagged! Except @porridgefeast, who's welcome to do it if she feels like it but (of course) no pressure.

[fairytalesandfandoms]

anyway, some backstory for recent posts

Surpising emotions about rediscovering an old interest

under a cut because 1) length 2) Homestuck is mentioned and I get the impression some people don’t like it very much.

Let us turn back the clock to spring 2008. I was in high school and my Standard Grade exams were just a couple of months away. I had a lot of favourite media, but relevant to this story are examples such as: Treasure Planet, Dan Brown books (which I have definitely left behind in that era, but for a while they were definitely A Thing in my brain), Operation Red Jericho by Joshua Mowll, The Mummy, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Pirates of the Caribbean and Indiana Jones. Hopefully you’re sensing a theme here: I would absolutely devour anything with an adventure/mystery combo, especially if it involved codes, maps, riddles, secret organisations etc. And one day, probably a weekend afternoon, we switched on the TV to find this film was on.

And that film... was National Treasure. And surpise surprise, during the scene inside the Charlotte (and over the course of the rest of the film) I got attached to Ben Gates like a limpet.

Things then followed a pattern which had already become very predictable in my life. I liked a character, which then quickly merged into liking an actor (in this case, Nicolas Cage) and of course then Special Interest Brain dictated that I then had to watch as many of his films as I could. Over the next few years I saw... pitifully few of them, now I’ve finally got up the nerve to look on IMDb, but enough to make it a thing (6 before I went off to uni). Unfortunately, because I am notoriously bad at keeping my interests to myself whether I want to or not, my family inevitably finds out within, like, a week of any new obsession, which as a teenager embarrassed me very greatly (and still does a bit). My mum did try to relate to me with such things (she even got my dad to watch one of the National Treasure movies but I don’t think he was that bothered about it tbh), but that usually only made me awkward because I was watching things with my mum and it was embarrassing.

My Nicolas Cage-watching would get one last hurrah in 2010, when I went to see the university film society’s screening of Kick-Ass in freshers’ week. Again, obsessed. Obsessed enough to go as Hit Girl for Halloween that year, but we all know the drill by now - the highkey messed-up (but my kind of messed-up character, with a tragic backstory, incredible combat skills and a cardigan) Damon Macready was really the blorbo of choice.

But what happened then? Why did I go from this high point to trying to avoid mentioning Nicolas Cage as much as possible? Two words: ‘the’ and ‘internet’.

I was already aware that some of Cage’s films were, to put it bluntly. not great. I had felt the cringe a bit even as a teenager, but I soldiered on. However, when I discovered social media and other similar websites, all the memes and jokes and so on made me even more embarrassed about it, and I felt like no one should ever know because I was worried that then even people whose opinions I respected would just laugh at me and tell me I had no taste, and other things of that nature. Some of those jokes were probably exaggerated for comic effect, but I’m really bad at judging tone and to me they read as straightforward mockery or dislike.

Fast-forward to 2023, a week or two ago. I have just moved to a new flat and have no wifi yet. But clever me thinks “ah, but I have the Unofficial Homestuck Collection saved to my laptop, which requires no internet, and the whole new-job-new-flat hassle means I did get behind on my routine catch-up reading. Let’s do that.”

Those of you who are familiar with Homestuck probably knew where this was going as soon as you read the word in this post. For those of you who don’t know, one of the main characters in Homestuck loves the movie Con Air. It’s referenced at least a few times (I’ve just started Act 5, so there may be more to come). There’s one scene (pp. 1660-1666, CW for some ableist language on the last page) that just really made me emotional because it connected this film with the friendship of two of the characters, and it was like a switch was flipped back on in my brain. Or more like pulling down one of those giant switches they pull down to give electricity to Frankenstein. I felt like I had gone through the cringe and come out the other side. I had to watch Kick-Ass and I had to watch it now. Or at least as soon as I got a free two-hour block of time. 

And then after a few days of reliving autumn 2010 (complete with Lady Gaga songs), I had to watch National Treasure. And I vowed that as soon as I got wifi I would watch The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, which I had made myself avoid when it was first out. And now I have. I’m not quite on Javi’s level, because 1) I don’t have Javi’s budget and 2) I would have drawn the line at the sequinned cushion. But let me tell you, teenage me would have gone absolutely feral at that movie. I probably would’ve felt like I shouldn’t be allowed to watch the sauna and pool scenes, for a start. (Thankfully, I’ve become more chill and less wound-up about that sort of thing, relatively speaking.) But god, I had to really get up my nerve to make that ‘what is the internet’s opinion’ post. Now I’ve done that, and gone to the tags in a roundabout way by searching for related movies first and then tag-hopping, it’s a lot less scary. I even managed to look up IMDb, and ignore my brain shouting ‘THE SEARCH ENGINE WILL JUDGE YOU’.

So, my Nic Cage obsession is back “not that [it] went anywhere” (yes, that’s a reference to The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent). More to come, if I can find good content. Unless he gets overtaken by Good Omens

And in the spirit of the aforementioned Homestuck character, I leave you with Rosie, referencing a story I haven’t finished reading and a film I have never seen (YET. BUT SOON).