#I’m gonna watch the show with my sister after I finish rereading all the books

[aelin-world-walker]

Some headcanons I have post-ACOSF

(don’t ask where this comes from i’m just aching because i finished rereading acosf and thinking headcanons is my coping mechanism)

(i wrote “some” in the title but they are like a million????)

(like now this is a master list of headcanons i have...)

BE AWARE OF ACOSF SPOILERS!!!

*Probably I’ll edit it pretty often because headcanons come whenever they like.

*i’ll probably add feysand headcanons in the future but not now because there’re A LOT out here but know I have some like feysand beign parents is too cute to ignore.

*sorry if there are some spelling errors, English is not my first language.

The cabin headcanons

(yes the cabin has its own subtitle)

Cassian takes Nesta to the cabin after their mating bond ceremony and then happens chapter 55 but Nesta adapted. There’s no soup but a biscuit.

When Nyx is a little older he starts participating in the snowball fight. Rhys, Cassian and Az let him win.

In one of her visits, Feyre paints her sisters and Nyx’s eyes beside the IC ones, because they are now part of the Court of Dreams (this one made me cry a little honestly)

Whenever one of the IC’s couples wants to take a break they go to the cabin. Sometimes Az goes too to play chaperone. Spoiler: it doesn’t work (especially NOT with Nessian) (this one made me laugh)

Nesta likes the cabin’s vibes to read, so she goes often. Sometimes Cassian joins her but he bores to death so he wouldn’t let her read (if you get what i mean)

I can imagine the IC visiting it, long nights bonding in front of a fire and playing board games. Rhys, Nesta and Azriel are so competitive that stay awake til one of them wins. (actually Rhys and Azriel competitive spirit over board games is canon) (i just imagine Nesta playing the courtier to win) (then she loses and is cranky for a day). Meanwhile, Mor and Cassian drink themselves silly, and Feyre and Elain play with Nyx. Amren just purrs sitting in Varian’s lap. (Amren as the house cat)

The girls decide to do their own snowball fight honestly i don’t know why this is not canon yet. One year they decide to do girls vs. boys. The girls win and the boys don’t want to play against them again.

Nyx and his cousins learning to fly in a summer vacation there. (yeah because nessian’s children are happening in the future and they are in some of my headcanons sorry)

Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie go there sometimes (not so often because they prefer staying with the House please never forget they are all friends) and go hiking.

When Nyx and Nessian’s children are older and misbehave their parents send them to the cabin. Then whoever of them didn’t got to be grounded slips alcohol to the ones inside. (Actually i can see them doing this??? Rhys and Mor did the same. Also I can see Nyx and his cousins having a relationship similar to Rhys and Mor’s and Aelin and Aedion’s)

Inner Circle couples and the sauna. Not gonna say anything else, but just know it’s hella weird there’re no scenes in there...

The House of Wind headcanons

(big house deserved its own headcanons)

Nesta installs a dance studio in there and whenever she can she goes and dance for hours.

Nesta, Gwyn, Emerie and the House start a monthly sleep-over in the private library. The House always conjures the miniature pegasus without being asked.

Can we talk about the fact that in the future the House of Wind will have a nursery???? because i have to talk about it. don’t know if i’ll be able to do so without crying but just- nessian’s babies nation

When Nessian’s children are born the House would conjure anything just to please them and will protect them at all costs. The House as a babysitter and mother-hen.

The House starts talking to Cassian and recommends him smut books. He reads them and find them pretty interesting. He also recommends the House books but as they are of warfare the House finds them boring.

When Cassian and Nesta fight the House would be angry with Cassian for some days and would serve his food cold.

The House of Wind is Nyx’s favorite place in the city. Cassian and Nesta even give him a room when he is older. He loves it for the same reason Rhys did: flying. He also likes asking the House ridiculous things -the House loves his petitions-

Azriel keeps his room of course, but playing the chaperone is useless now (it always was)

Mor befriends the house and together they plan jokes to Cassian.

Feyre loves going to the House because it reminds her that her sister is happy and will never be alone.

Nessian headcanons

(of course there are nessian’s headcanons)

While sleeping, Cassian is very restless while Nesta sleeps in a ball, but they make it work. Also, Cassian takes all the blankets so Nesta ends up beside him and his wings.

The two of them loves sleeping in. Cassian would never admit it because he would never hear the end of it from the ic. (i know he said in acomaf that daylight is precious but now that he has found his mate he has change a liiitle his opinion about that. like now wake up beside his love is more precious than anything!!!!!)

I think it’s not fair we didn’t got a smut scene in the bathtub.

And in Windhaven.

Aaaaand in the cabin.

When Nesta has a nightmare, Cassian would hug her and comfort her while remind her it was a dream, and now she got out, and is loved and cherished by a lot of people.

Nesta loves that Cassian strokes her head, more when her hair is down. (i really like that nesta prefers updo hairstyles tho)

Nesta sitting on Cassian’s lap. That’s all I need for a next book. (i also need more domestic scenes between them like the one in Winter Solstice when Nesta hangs their coats) (also i need to read nessian from another pov i want to know how they look like from outside their pov)

Nessian dancing into the darkest hours, losing themselves into the music and their embrace. (i need a slow dancing fanfic thx)

Nesta is still a little uncomfortable to venture into Velaris so she asks Cassian to fly her over the city whenever she needs to go out and doesnt want to tangle in the multitude.

Cassian reading an Illyrian report while Nesta reads a romance book. Domestic mates part one hundred.

Nesta loves flying (WHY THIS IS NOT CANON SARAH) (like i would have been awesome to read nesta liking flying after that scene with rhys in acowar)

I love that is canon they like chocolate cake idk just wanted to say that.

Nesta headcanons

(my daughter deserves them)

Every Starfall, Nesta would take the stairs down and up just to remind herself the way up is long but by the end she would find happiness.

She is really protective over the House. She wouldn’t let anyone spill anything or mess around.

She starts taking dancing lessons again, even though she doesn’t need them. It’s her favorite part of the week. I can imagine Gwyn joining her. Emerie prefers watching them and smirk while drinking tea.

She visits her father’s tomb more than her sisters, and tells him every aspect of her life because she didn’t do it when he was alive.

She doesn’t like the Court of Nightmares, but the Winter Solstice ball in there is one of her favorites events of the year.

She goes back to being a courtier/emmisary for the Night Court and loves tormenting the people she has to deal with. (just imagine Nesta in Vallahan, they would sign the treaty in a second)

She continues working in the Library because she is still healing and the Library is such a big part of that. She continues fighting with Merrill too (gwyn is please of that)

Also she starts practicing with Amren to use her powers, even if there is not a lot to master (tho i think she is still very powerful but let’s wait for the next book to confirm this)

ALSO Nesta as a mother: she gives her children a lot of love because she remembers how it is to have a cold mother and doesn’t want to repeat the story.

Nessian’s children headcanon

(tho i imagine they have at least a daughter so she is gonna appear a lot in my hc sorry)

I can imagine them having an unexpected pregnancy idk why they would be very happy tho (like chaolene’s) (not so soon after acosf, they would enjoy some free-of-babies-years)

Now I want a fanfic about nessian finding out they are pregnant please writers do it

Tho I can imagine its during training.

Nessian’s baby would sleep between them. Cassian loves that and even though Nesta says the contrary, privately she loves it too.

Nesta teaching their daughter to dance, while Cassian teaches her to fly. Together, they teach her to fight. Their daughter wants to be a Valkyrie like her mom and aunts.

Also Nesta reading her daughter to bed and then getting asleep. Cassian would find the two of them sleeping and would cover them with a quilt.

Their daughter loves to hear the stories about Nessian’s Blood Rites, and would ask everyone about them.

Their daughter is their number 1 fan im crying in softness

She also wants to hear the stories of her uncles and aunts even though some are sad, because she knows they are happy and together now.

I can see Nessian wanting another baby tbh but let’s stop in one until Sarah shows us the contrary.

But just imagine Nessian’s children + Nyx playing hide-and-seek on the House of the Wind and the House helping them hide.

Nessian’s daugther loves hearing Gwyn sing, and is particularly obsessed with Emerie because she sees herself in Emerie (like they are both Illyrians i’m crying nessian’s daughter doesnt understand why her aunt can’t fly).

She has spring allergies too.

[alwaysspeakshermind]

tag game!

Tagged by: @carladuquette Thank you and sorry I’m just now doing it! At this point, I should just declare my habit of showing up late to social media things and disappearing for ages soon after my brand.

Rules are to answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to get to know better/catch up with!

last song: “Davy Jones Theme” by Hans Zimmer if we’re talking last piece of music (I like to put it on a loop because it’s too short, leave me alone)...if we’re talking last song with lyrics, either “Hypnotize” by The Notorious B.I.G. or “Till I collapse” by Eminem (I don’t remember because it was at the end of yesterday’s workout when I was TIRED, lol)

last movie: The Philadelphia Story (I love this film not wisely but too well probably, whoops)

currently (re)watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (hence the icon/header; found out recently my sister had never seen it, so naturally I had to introduce her to the Hellmouth), Cheers, How I Met Your Mother (because I want to anger myself all over again, apparently), The Nanny, Dance Moms (I hate myself so much for this but it’s weirdly addictive), Forensic Files, I Love Lucy/Perry Mason/Twilight Zone reruns, plus The Flash, Riverdale, and Nancy Drew. Also Jeopardy! if that counts, and just finished up The Mandalorian and WandaVision :)

currently reading: Just finished rereading And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie for the bazillionth time and am about to start either The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler because I’ve only ever seen the movie and I want to know what audiences went in there expecting, Where The Mountain Meets The Moon by Grace Lin because I *think* I read it back when I was like 10 or 11 but can’t remember for sure, or the book of Jane Austen’s letters that I started last summer but still haven’t finished because I keep forgetting what letter I was on and having to go back (also, my fanfic TBR list is HUGE now, so who knows?)

Going to tag @akane171 , @monica-posh , @fairychamber , @angelofmusic1296 , @andsmile , @theeternalblue , @tuesdayschildd , @varchiesryissa , and @ronniesandrxws because:

some of you have tagged me in things I can no longer find due to me being stupid and accidentally burying the posts in the abyss that is my Tumblr likes

some of you I have not talked to in forever and that’s sad (sorry or you’re welcome for the respite?)

some of you I don’t technically know but I read at least one of your fics over lunch/on a break or a slowish period but we’re not gonna talk about that bc I am a model employee no really at work and I want to say hi in (temporary) lieu of the comment I couldn’t leave because I was on my phone and my phone is ancient and hates ao3, me, and basically any activity that requires it to hold a charge for more than 20 minutes. So...hi! I promise I did leave anonymous kudos, that I will return at some point and leave some well-deserved comments, and also, tag you’re it. Hope you’re bored and this helps? <3

***If I didn’t tag you and you want to do this/you’re bored enough to try anything/want to say hi but don’t know how to start the conversation, please feel free to go ahead and do it and tag me in it. I’m not unfriendly or anything, I just like...forget to be sociable when I’m scrolling 😬

[cinderelliee]

My final character opinions before Chain of Iron...

Just finished my reread of Chain of Gold ahead of Tuesday���s release!!! I am posting my thoughts/opinions of the main cast so that after Chain of Iron I can see how or if my feelings change. Spoilers: most of my opinions are going to be that I don’t know enough about them lmao. I love the big cast of characters, but that unfortunately also means less time is spent on each one.

Disclaimer: I know that I love some characters that people hate and vice versa. My intention is not to start anything, but more to be more open about what I think about the characters. It’s okay to disagree and just because I say I don’t like a character, it does not mean I believe they are badly written...

Alastair Carstairs:

One of my favorites of the series, and possibly TSC as a whole (let’s see how the series goes first). I love him so much and I can’t wait to see how his story goes. I love that he keeps everyone at arms length and pushes everyone away, but he would also go to any length for the people he loves. I think he has a gift of being able to see people as they are, and notice things others don’t. Probably why he was the one, not Cordelia, who saw what was wrong with his father and kept it from his sister. I’m sure he used to look up to his father like Cordelia did, but instead suffered great disappointment when he learned the truth. And then when he went to the academy, finally having some time away from it, all he found was more disappointment. He did what he thought he had to to survive. And I think along the way he sort of lost himself.

I do think Alastair should make amends with the Merry Theives, but less for their sake and more for his own. I think his journey is more about finding and forgiving himself. There are other ways to live and survive than hurting anyone who gets too close to you. I think he started that journey in Chain of Gold when he dyed his hair back to black and broke up with Charles. But fixing yourself is easier said than done, it’s not one choice, but something that you strive for everyday. His journey actually reminds me a lot of Matthew’s; they have a lot in common and I think their paths will parallel each other’s. I also think Thomas will be a catalyst for Alastair’s growth, as well as a helping hand.

I can’t wait to see his dynamic with the characters this next book as he tries to return to his true self. It’ll be interesting to see how his relationship with Elias plays out too.

Anna Lightwood:

I really like Anna so far. I think she’s very unique and exciting. I love how dedicated she is to being true to herself, but at the same time cares deeply about her loved ones and shows it. Often times I feel like characters like her often act like they’re above showing affection towards their family, so I was pleasantly surprised when she wasn’t. This is probably because her parents love and support her, so she never had to scorn familial love.

Romantic love is a different thing. Now, my two pieces about her life style is: why don’t we all just have a good time. I know there’s some people who didn’t like that she called her many partners ‘conquests’ and that she had a little black book. But I didn’t really see that criticism until recently and I’m confused as to what people thought Anna was doing? Would they rather her not keep track and forget them all? It’s perfectly healthy to explore your sexuality as long as you aren’t harming yourself or others. I know Anna is seen as older, but she is still only 19 (I think? 20 at most right?). She’s still on her journey to figuring out who she is. She is a bit self-centered and definitely privileged (see her relationship with Ariadne), but if she didn’t have flaws there would be nowhere for her to grow from. I highly doubt Anna will be living her seductress lifestyle by the end of the series

Personally, I cannot wait to see how her relationship with Ariadne plays out. Hopefully Anna will have some healthy confrontation with how she reacted to her heartbreak and why. Anyway, Anna is definitely one of my favorites.

Ariadne Bridgestock:

She seems like an interesting character, and I like how she’s not afraid to go after what she wants. I’d like to know a little more about her past and motivations. I also think she’s in a really difficult situation with her family and who she is/wants to be. I think she made a really understandable choice when she engaged Charles, and I support her journey in winning Anna back (I don’t not agree with the people who judged her for not backing off from Anna. She is fighting for who she loves and we are all fools in love). I think she has a lot of potential, but I can’t quite say that I like her yet since she’s probably the character we know the least about.

Charles Fairchild:

No opinion. I don’t love or hate him. No feelings whatsoever. The only thing I care about is the possible drama he will cause for Alastair and Thomas or the Clave as a whole lmao

Christopher Lightwood:

This boy is great! I have no complaints about him at all. He is precious. Honestly I’d just like to see more from him! His lines always make me chuckle. Also I’m not convinced that he would be able to create a antidote before the Silent Brothers would’ve been able to. But whatever, it’s just a story so who cares.

Cordelia Carstairs:

I just think she’s really neat. She is a fantastic protagonist and definitely on her way to becoming my favorite TSC lead, other than Tessa, obviously. I love her strength, kindness, relentless resilience, and how headstrong she is. I think it’s hilarious how straightforward she is. There’s so many scenes where she just says exactly what she’s thinking and just surprises everyone around her because they underestimated her or never expected her to so forcefully share her opinions. I adore her relationships with everyone. Her and Lucie are adorable. Her relationship with Alastair is so sweet and watching them rebuild their relationship was one of my favorite parts of the book, and definitely something I’m looking forward to. Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship is one of my favorites from the book; I love how they challenge and surprise each other (I think they could learn a lot from each other). Her interactions with the Merry Theives in general are perfect.

One thing I will say is there just wasn’t enough of her. I was very surprised when I read it that James and her were basically co-protagonists. I didn’t expect James to have such a prominent role, usually the split between the girl and boy lead is 60/40 at most, but this felt more like a 50/50 split. I just would’ve prefered more from Cordelia I guess, but that’s just me.

Grace Blackthorn:

So at first I was neutral towards Grace. I didn’t care about her at all, but after I came online and saw how many people hated her and acted like her was a villain, I started liking her more. She obviously is a victim of her mother’s manipulation and she doesn’t want to do what she’s doing to James. It’s clear to me that she is doing what she can to survive and to help her brother, the only person she truly cares about. Since she is also one of the few characters that it’s unclear where her story is going to end up, I am curious to see how her story goes.

I know there’s some people who just wanted her to be a villain, and I totally get that. But I feel like if she was, we would get a less complex character. Cassie’s villains, with the exception of Jonathan perhaps, tend to be one dimensional (which is fine because that’s not the reason I read her books anyways!). I also don’t really think she needs much of a redemption arc because she’s just trying to survive.

James Herondale:

This is where I’m going to get a little unpopular. I don’t love James, BUT I don’t hate him either. I am just not interested in where his story goes at all. I think I get what Cassie’s goal was with his character. He doesn’t have Will and Jace’s dark past and he’s not a morally grey bad boy like Julian. James is caring and sweet and noble and has a good family and I can totally see why people like him. For me, he still fills the same exact role that I’ve seen, not just from Cassie, but other YA books as well, and I’m just tired of it. His motivations are doing whatever he can to protect his loved ones and doing things because they are the right thing to do. He is willing to lay down his life for the greater good. I just can’t see anything about him that feels new. The only times I’ve felt anything towards him is when Jem, Cordelia, or Matthew were making me feel something for him.

It could be because I don’t really care for Cassie’s plots and his arc is so heavily involved with all the Prince of Hell stuff. And the bracelet just pisses me off in a bad way. The solution to it is so simple that it just frustrates me, but does not intrigue me at all. I will say I like him better with the bracelet off so I’m hoping in stays off this next book so I can enjoy his POV a little more. I really want to like him, but I just don’t connect with him at all. I wish Cassie had come up with something other than the bracelet as well.

Jesse Blackthorn:

Imma be honest: at the moment I don’t really care about Jesse either. I don’t know enough about him. But it seems like we’re gonna get more from him this next book so I’m reserving my judgement until then. In Chain of Gold I noticed most of his scenes were pretty expository or he was passing along information, but we never really got to know much about him. Hopefully I will like him in Chain of Iron though!

Lucie Herondale:

I really like Lucie so far! My favorite part about her is that she is so practical, but also able to loose herself in whimsical fantasies. She is totally 100% Tessa and Will’s child!! I don’t have much to say other than I love what I’ve gotten from her so far, but I just need a little bit more to connect with her. I’m hoping Chain of Iron really explores her darker side and her motivations. I kinda have a feeling this next book will either make or break my opinion of her.

Matthew Fairchild:

Anyone who has been following me for a while now could probably guess that Matthew is my favorite from TLH. I don’t know what it says about me, but I relate to him on a personal level. Although I haven’t made the same mistakes he has, (thank heavens for that!) I do know how he feels. I do know what it’s like to have something happen, that’s completely your fault, and have it change your life into something completely different than you thought it would be. I have made a lot of posts about him so if you want more in depth details, they are on my blog.

I’m just going to say that, very similar to Alastair, I think that Matthew has a lot of amends to make, to everyone in his life. And his journey is what I look forward to the most. He’s made a lot of mistakes, huge ones, and I know it’ll probably get worse before it gets better. But I hope his story isn’t going to be as sad as everyone believes, (I don’t think it will be, since a vast majority of Cassie’s characters eventually get happen endings) it just means a lot to me that his character doesn’t end up a tragedy. Like I said before his relationship with Cordelia is something I am really looking forward to. And his relationship with his family as well.

I love him your honor. *if I loved him less I may have been able to talk about him more*

Thomas Lightwood:

I really like Thomas!!! I favorite thing about him is that he can so easily see the beautiful and worth in everyone and everything (which makes him perfect for Alastair!). I love how gentle and kind he is. So far what I have seen from him has been so great. And how he was able to carrying on despite his sister’s death and then Christopher’s illness was really admirable. But I’m going to say for him as I’ve said for most: I want to see more from him!!! I have faith that his and Alastair’s relationship with be the best part of the book, so I have high hopes!

Okay!!! I think that’s everyone!! Let me know what you think?? Do you agree or disagree! I would love to get into some discussions with people to pass the time until the release!! If anyone wants to make their own post, please tag me!! I’d love to see!!! Do you think I have enough ‘!!!!!!!!!’?

[mountainsluna]

children’s books

pairing: witch!wooyoung + witch!reader (as best friends)

genre: humor/supernatural

word count: 1.4k

✩ [author’s note] feel free to send in requests for my witch!wooyoung au! along with any others! i have a couple of stories planned for this, but i’m always open to requests :)

✩ masterlist

✩ requests : check bio or masterlist ♡

“Mother she’s eight years old and more than capable of staying home alone!” Wooyoung complained into his phone at his mother’s request for him to babysit his little sister for the night. “Just throw on some cartoons and fill her with snacks! That’s all I’m gonna do anyways!”

“Ugh, fine!” Wooyoung ended the call, sighing loudly in frustration. “Well there goes my Saturday night.”

“All you were planning to do was binge watch how i met your mother and get drunk on my couch.” You accused, knowing all too well how the boy’s weekends went.

“Yeah and now my plans are ruined.” He sighed getting up from your bed as he walked over to you at your desk. “Looks like you’ll have to get drunk without me.” He sniffled, wiping a non-existent tear from his eye.

“Yeah I’ll try not to miss you too much.” Giving him a fake pout as he patted your shoulder. Vanishing from your side as he left to get ready for his babysitting duties.

Wooyoung showed up at his family’s house around 7pm, unlocking the door with a flick of his wrist, the thought of knocking not even entering his mind. “Family! I have arrived!” He announced, closing the door behind him. He made his way to the sofa, ruffling his sister’s hair who was mindlessly staring at the tv.

“Wooyoung in here!” His mother called from the kitchen.

“Oooh someone looks fancy!” Wooyoung commented, his mother dressed to the nines in a long ball gown and sparkly jewelry.

“Why thank you.” She made her way to the fridge, showing the dinner and bedtime snacks she had prepared for him and his sibling, instructing him not to feed her any sweets or he’ll never get her to sleep.

“I know I know and have her in bed by 9.” He reassured her, putting his mother’s worries to rest. He saw her struggling to close her earring, waving his finger to clasp it for her.

A sigh of relief leaving her as she heard the click of it closing. “Thanks.” She placed a quick kiss on his cheek as she brushed passed him towards the living room. “We should be home by 10, 11 the latest, okay?”

He hummed in response, taking a bag of chips from the pantry as he watched his father enter the room, adjusting the cuff links on his dress shirt. “Don’t wait up though.” he added. “And no magic.” He said sternly, waving a finger at his son from across the room.

“Yeah yeah no magic.” He says as he mindlessly hovered the bag of chips next to him. His father coming over to grab the bag, setting it on the table, startling Wooyoung. “Ah....no more magic.” Smiling sheepishly, earning a glare from the taller man before he made his way to the door.

“Call us if you need anything!” His mother called from the porch, the door closing before he could reply.

The next two hours went by swiftly. He sat his sister down for dinner, joking and playing around with her afterwards, hoping to tire her out before putting her to bed.

But maybe he snuck some cookies as she had her bedtime snack and maybe he had to give her a few as well, when she noticed him. Wooyoung knew his parents would kill him if they got home and his sister was still awake. So he slipped the tiniest bit of a sleep spell onto the cookies. It was the smallest dose, one even his own mother would use on her when she was a baby.

Once 9pm rolled around he settled her into bed, tucking her in before saying good night.

“Wooyoungie, wait!” She called out. “I’m not sleepy! Read me a story.” Wooyoung placed his hands on his hips, walking to her book shelf to pick something out.

“You like Dr. Seuss?” He asked, when she nodded, he pulled out a book titled What Pet Should I Get?

He settled next to her on her bed, leaning against the headboard as he read it aloud. “I saw a fine dog who shook hands. So we shook. So I said...”

“I want him!” His sister chimed. 

“Kay saw a cat. She gave it a pat and said...”

“I want THAT!” Wooyoung read the rest of the story and as he got to the end he noticed she was fast asleep. He snuck his way off the bed and back into the living room to wait for his parents arrival.

He was scrolling through his phone with the tv as background noise when he heard a faint barking sound coming from upstairs. Thinking it was his imagination he looked back at the screen, until he heard a bird singing a cartoonish tune from the same direction accompanied by a mix of other sounds.

He hesitantly made his way up, the noises growing louder the closer he got. As he reached the top step he was met with a hallway full of animals and creatures from the book he had just finished reading to his sister. “Oh no...” He silently made his way back downstairs to call you.

“Can I help you?” You answered sarcastically.

“I’m glad you asked, I need you here asap! I have a magic emergency!” He whispered frantically into the phone not wanting to attract the attention from the creatures above.

“Uhm it’ll take me awhile to get ready so-”

“Unacceptable.” He interrupted, snapping his fingers as you appeared in front of him, your hair in a messy bun, a bright green face mask adorning your face. “Ugh you couldn’t have cleaned up a bit?”

“Wooyoung I swear!”

“Shhh!!!! Keep your voice down!” He explained to you what was going on as you washed off your face at his kitchen sink.

“So you casted a sleeping spell on your sister and now you want me to help wake her up?”

“Yes! But I think she conjured these things up in her dreams or maybe even while I was reading to her! I need you to help me reverse it.”

“Well then, we need to get to the book you read to her.” You said drying off your face.

“Good luck getting past that stampede.” He scoffed, crossing his arms in front of him.

You narrowed your eyes at him in amusement, “Oh I think I have an idea.” Placing your hand on his shoulder, teleporting you both into his sister’s room.

“I...Well see....Ugh nevermind! Let me find the book.” You chuckled at him as he searched for it. Your eyes scanned over his sleeping sister, noticing her soft smile and sleepy giggles. She was probably dreaming about the animals wreaking havoc in the house, thinking it was all just in her mind. “Okay I got it!”

“Alright let’s just reread it but change up the words a bit.” You flipped though the pages, mulling over the wording. “Instead of saying I want these pets, you’re gonna say I don’t want them. Got it?”

Wooyoung nodded, hovering the book between you as you two placed your hands over his sister’s sleeping form. A soft purple glow, emitting from your palms onto her. You read through the book, Wooyoung chiming in at his parts. You heard the noises slowly begin to subside from the other side of the door. After the last few words, the house was completely quite, his sister slowly stirring awake as well. The book dropped to the ground as she rubbed her eyes, trying to focus as you stood in front of her. “Y/n? Is that you?”

Wooyoung moved to the door, opening it slowly, peering into the hallway to make sure everything was back to normal. “I just came to pick up your brother. Everything’s fine sweetie you can go back to sleep.” Without another word she laid back down, drifting off quicker than you expected.

As you both exited the room, the sound of Wooyoung’s parents entering the house rang up the stairs. “Wooyoung, we’re home!” You both scurried down the stairs, meeting them at the doorway. “Oh, Y/n? I didn’t know you were here! It’s nice to see you, I’m not surprised Wooyoung needed help putting her to sleep.”

Not wanting to be in the house any longer, Wooyound slid passed his father with you in tow. “Well we better get going! I’ll call you tomorrow, mother. Good night!” He said placing a quick kiss on her cheek. You waved your goodbyes sheepishly as he closed the door behind you two. Letting out the biggest sigh of relief. “Thank the heavens that’s over with.”

“People need to watch they way they write these children’s books. They’re a lot more dangerous than they look.” You said, reflipping through the pages before making it vanish into thin air.

Wooyoung shrugged his shoulders, raising his eyebrows. “Who knows...maybe my sister’s a witch too.”

[bqstqnbruin]

Paper Rings

So yes, it is 2 am and here I am just finishing this, but oh well (ignore typos, I’ll probably reread it in the morning and catch them all. Or point them out, I’m fine with that). But keep supporting the Black Lives Matter movement! If you want or need any resources I’m totally happy to help you find them! OR you have any that you wanna share, please do!

Shout out to @bandgirlsclub​ for helping me with the Instagram part, she’s the greatest and you should read all her stuff!!

This was requested and inspired by Paper Rings by Taylor Swift. I hope you like it!

____________________

March

“We’ve been here for twenty minutes and they’re already stoned out of their minds?” you say to your friend, your voice high like it does when you can’t believe the world around you. You weren’t one to smoke, and normally you didn’t care if people did, but when you didn’t know anyone around you besides your friend from work, you started to worry.

“We were late, and they live here. It’s no big deal. Like you always say, you don’t care if people do it as long as they’re safe and they don’t make you do it if you say no,” she says, going to join them. You stood off in the corner, just watching the scene unfold; you hated being the only sober one at a party, but it looks like that was going to happen tonight. 

“So you’re not one to smoke, either?” someone says, startling you.

“Oh, my god. Uh, no, clearly I’m paranoid enough as it is.” 

You both start laughing, him handing you the drink that was in his hand. You look down at the clear liquid, not sure what it is. You look back up at him, eyebrow raised, lifting the cup to your nose to see if it smelled like vodka.

“It’s just water. Something tells me you need to stay sober tonight, too.” He gestures over to your friend, whos already giggling like nobody’s business. Apparently, you were either going to be staying over at whoever’s place this was, or you were going to have to get her home. 

“Are you the babysitter tonight?” you ask.

He nods his head, his curls bouncing as he does, “That and I have to be up early tomorrow and something tells me that a hangover and traveling across the country isn’t the best combination.”

“You get to travel for work? I would love a job like that.” 

“Uh, yeah. What do you do?” 

You roll your eyes, exhaling. “I’m an HR rep for an insurance company. It’s so exciting,” you say with the most sarcastic tone. You didn’t hate your job, but you would give anything to do something else if the money wasn’t so good. “What do you do?”

“I play for the Avalanche.” 

You nearly spit out the water right in his face, “Like the hockey team?”

“Do you know of another Avalanche I could play for?”

“Touche.” 

You spend the rest of the night talking to Tyson, as he said his name was, while everyone around you just kept smoking whatever they had. You ended up on the balcony of the apartment, looking up at the sky, a breeze cooling you off in what was otherwise an unseasonably warm night for the end of March. 

“It’s amazing how many stars you can see considering how close we are to the city,” you say, breathing in the clean air. You couldn’t remember the last time you say the sky this clear and naturally bright. It was calming, the moon bringing out a more tranquil presence than you had expected. 

“Sometimes when we don’t stay directly in the city we’re playing in I’ll go up to the roof at night and just look up. It’s easy to get lost in the stars even when you’re down on Earth.” 

“For a hockey player, you sure have a way with words,” you tease, knocking your shoulder against him as the two of you lean on the railing of the balcony.

“And for someone in HR, you’re surprisingly likeable.”

You turn to him, not sure if you should be shocked or flattered, “How many unlikeable HR people do you know?”

“I’m basing everything off Toby from The Office.” 

“Toby was not that bad! He was just...weird.” You both laugh and launch yourselves into a debate about the TV show, talking for hours until the sun starts to come up. 

“Shit, I didn’t realize it was this late. Early?” you say, turning to look inside. Everyone was still your, your friend on the couch while the guys around her were on the floor, all asleep. 

“Yeah, but I’m guessing you don’t need to be up in,” he runs his hand through his hair, checking the time on his phone, “Fuck, I need to be with the guys in less than an hour! I have to go!” He gets up, reaching for his keys in his pocket. “It was nice meeting you, Y/N. I really do hope we can see each other again.” And just like that, he leaves.

You sit there, shocked that the night actually just happened. That was easily the best night you’ve had in a while. The last time you stayed up like that was probably the night after your high school prom, talking with your best friend and now ex-boyfriend. You want to see him again, but if he’s a professional athlete who couldn’t even get your information, then what was the point?

“Hey, babe. Do you want to go back to your place or mine?” You practically jump out of the chair that you had been sitting in, falling asleep after finding Tyson on Instagram and following him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

“Wanna get food first? I was promised dinner last night and ended up drinking a lot of water instead,” you say, checking your phone. 

Tyson Jost (josty17) started following you.

“Sure. The dinner down the street from work?” she suggests, pulling you up out of the chair, going back inside. 

As you’re careful not to step on anyone who’s still asleep on the floor, your phone dings with another notification from Instagram: josty17 sent you a message.

“I’m down.”

June

Four. Four books was all he had on his nightstand, and all he seemed to have in his entire apartment. “We need a trip to Barnes and Noble or something, you need more stuff to read for me,” you whine, picking up one of the books you’ve already read twice since starting to date Tyson. You were lying on your back in his bed, holding the book up over your face and praying that you don’t drop it on yourself.

“Am I supposed to buy books for you?” he asks, flipping through the channels to find something to watch.

“Well, no, you could buy books for yourself and then I’ll read them once you’re done.”

“I don’t really read that much.”

“But reading’s fun!” you say as he looks at you, his eyebrow raised. “Oh, stop that, you just need to find the right book.” 

“And I’m assuming you have a list of books that you want me to get?” he teases, jabbing his hand into your side to tickle you.

“Yes, stop that!” you let out, not hiding your laughter but almost kicking him in the face in the meantime out of reflex, “Fiction or nonfiction?”

“You’re gonna tell me both, aren’t you?” He looks at you, smiling as you nod your head. Rolling his eyes, he says, “Go ahead.”

“Well I personally love Educated by Tara Westover, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston-”

“Woah there,” he cuts you off, putting his hand over your mouth to get you to stop talking, “I need more than just titles here if I’m gonna buy them. You don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”

“Gross, cliches. But you actually want to hear me sit here and talk about the books I like?”

“You’re cute when you talk about things you’re passionate about, and you hate your job so it doesn’t happen often.” 

“Two cliches in like five minutes? That’s gotta be a new record for you, Josty.”

You both start laughing as he turns his attention back to his TV, finally picking a channel to settle on before turning back to you. “I know it’s only been a few months, but I think I’m falling in love with you.”

You can’t help but smile at his third cliche. Third time really is the charm. “So,” you kiss his cheek, pulling away before he can turn and kiss you more, “Invisible Man is about an unnamed narrator; he’s a black man living in America before the Civil Rights movement, and it’s about how he feels as a black man in white America.” You spend the rest of the night telling him about all your favorite books, him nodding along and smiling as you don’t shut up, knowing that he won’t remember any of the book titles that you told him.

He just loved the way you got excited over stuff like this. 

January

“I feel like two gallons of paint is a lot for one room,” Tyson says, handing you the blue paint your brother asked you to pick up. He grabs the rest of the supplies from the back seat of your car to lug up to your brother’s new place. He bought it as his first home with his new wife and asked you to help them paint it. It was getting you a free dinner, so why not?

“We’re only doing his bedroom today and apparently two gallons is enough for a standard-sized room, whatever that means.” You walk up the path to his new house. It was the first time you had seen it, so you were excited to go in even though you knew everything was covered in tarps and plastic.

“My little sister!” Tommy yells as soon as you approach the door. You didn’t even have the chance to knock, him startling you and causing you to almost drop the cans of paint right on his porch.

“Hey, jackass,” you say, bitter that he scared you.

“And you must be Tyson,” Tommy says, taking some of the supplies from him and leading you into the house. 

“Uh, yeah, nice to meet, you,” he responds, clearly a little confused by the ‘jackass’ greeting. You might have forgotten some details about yours and your brother’s relationship on the drive over. It was the one where insults like jackass and dumb shit were terms of endearment. 

“Shit, bub, you have a nice place!” you look around, admiring it. “Erica must have been so happy when you found this.” 

“She was ecstatic. She was even happier when you agreed to help paint for the price of some dinner.” 

“Painting is calming and food tastes even better when it’s free, how can I say no?” 

He opens the door to the room at the end of the hall. “This is the master. Do you guys want to paint here while Erica and I finish the guest room and work on the living room?” 

“Yeah, works for us,” Tyson answers for you. 

Tommy leaves the two of you alone to start painting the entire room. You open the can of paint, revealing a light blue paint. 

“Remember that night last month when one of the guys dared us to jump in the pool?” you ask Tyson as he pours the paint into the tray.

“Yeah, why?”

“This is the color of blue that I thought we were going to turn if we stayed in the water any longer.”

“Ya know, you’re the only girl I’ve dated that would complain about being in the water with such a hot guy,” he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Oh, so you’ve dated actual psychopaths?” You joke, rolling the first coat of paint on the wall. 

“I’ve only dated one psychopath, and that’s you. But everyone’s a little crazy, most people just call it unique.” 

“Can I ask you how many girls you’ve actually dated?”

“You can ask but do I have to answer?” he says, your backs facing each other as you paint opposite walls.

“Please? I’ll tell you mine. Oh come on, what couple doesn’t talk about their old relationships?”

“Healthy ones?”

“Tys.”

“Fine. I’ve been in three serious relationships, or I guess relationships lasting more than four months, not including ours, and one really serious relationship.”

“What’s the difference between the serious ones and the really serious one?”

“Wait, no. Your count and then I’ll tell you.”

You roll your eyes knowing that he can’t see you, letting out a sigh. “A boyfriend in highschool and one in college. Now you.” 

“No way,” he says, turning towards you to get more paint. 

“What do you mean? I’m not the type to date around. If I’m going to date the guy I want to make sure it has potential for something that’s more than a fling.”

“Well, how can you grow as a person if you don’t give other people a chance? Isn’t it an important part of life to get hurt sometimes?”

“I’m not saying I’ve never gotten hurt before, I just wasn’t in a relationship when I did.” 

“How does that work?”

“I thought this was I ask, you answer, you ask, I answer?” you ask, whipping around. Tyson was already facing you when the excess paint comes flying off your roller and splatters across Tyson’s face and chest. “I am so sorry!” 

He gets a mischievous look on his face as he dips his hand in the can of paint, “No, no, no!” you screech as he splatters you with paint. The two of you start throwing paint at each other, at one point Tyson grabbing you by the face right after he put his hands in the can. 

You’ve wasted half a can of paint on each other when Tommy comes knocking on the door, “What the hell are you two doing? Is this some sort of kinky sex thing?”

You scream, grabbing onto Tyson out of reflex, “That is not something I would talk about with you, and no! Go back to your wife!” Tommy just shrugs and leaves, closing the door slowly behind him. “Was this a fight?” you ask Tyson once you hear your brother go down the stairs.

“Maybe? We can say yes. What kind of couple doesn’t fit?”

“Weird ones,” you say, both of you laughing as your dripping with paint. 

“I love you,” he says, “And I want to kiss you, but I don’t think the paint would taste good.”

“I love you, too. But yeah, no. Please don’t eat the paint.” 

December

“Why are you giving me the cold shoulder all of a sudden?” Tyson asks, walking hand in hand with you through the streets of Denver. 

You stop and pull him aside, “I don’t think you understand what the cold shoulder is.” 

“It’s when someone is intentionally unfriendly.” 

“Am I being unfriendly”?

“You haven’t talked to me since we left the restaurant.” 

“I’ve been thinking!” you defend yourself. When you get deep in thought, you sort of shut down from the world around you. You still move about like a normal person, but the interaction between you and other people is minimal. 

“Thinking about what?” He lifts your chin, trying to get you to look at him. You bite your bottom lip. He knows you’re thinking about something that’s bothering you.

“How long is this going to last since you’re always going to practice and traveling?” 

Since that night you met, you had been talking nonstop. You feel hard and fast for this boy who was never home at the start of whatever relationship you had with him. Once his season was over, he started taking you out on dates; the two of you probably went on actual dates at least twice a week, and hung out the other five nights at your apartment, his apartment, or at whatever party one of you had been invited to. He was your boyfriend in every sense of the word, but would that end once the season starts. 

“What do you want to happen?” he says, smiling, pulling you closer to him.

“Well, I like what we have. I don’t want it to end.” 

“I wasn’t planning on ending it, where you?”

“No.” 

“Then why worry?”

“I mean, do you want this last?”

“Of course I do. Come on.” He puts his arm around your shoulder, leading you down the street. He takes you into a Target, “Whatever you want, I will buy you.” 

“That’s dangerous, bud. You know what I’m like in Target,” you tell him as he steers you towards the jewelry department. 

“What about this?” he says holding up a ring.

“Is that just a ring, or is that a promise ring?”

“What do you want it to be?” 

“It’s going to be nothing if you don’t start making decisions!” You both start laughing as he slips the ring onto your right ring finger. 

“I like a promise ring.” 

“Wait, actually,” you say, taking the ring off and grabbing Tyson’s hand, “Come with me.”

You lead him to the party section of the store, down the aisle with all the tissue paper. “Pick a color.”

He looks at all the options, the solid colors, striped pastels, polka dots, rainbow, scalloped paper. “I like the red.”

“No. Green,” you ignore him, picking up the package of green tissue paper and pulling him down on the floor to sit with you.

“Then why did you ask?” he cries as you tear open the package, “Um, isn’t this stealing?” 

“No, you’re gonna pay for this. What you’ve never opened a bag of chips and snacked while shopping before?” He laughs at you as you start folding the paper into strips. You reach for his right hand, wrapping and folding the paper so that it stays on his ring finger. You do the same thing for yourself, holding your hand up to admire it.

“What is this?” he asks, smiling, shifting his gaze between the ring and you.

“Paper rings. I like these better. I don’t need something flashy from you to prove that you want to stay with me,” you say as he pulls you up off the floor, pulling you into a hug, “Plus $1.59 is a lot less of a financial burden than any ring that I probably wouldn’t wear.” 

“I love it,” he says, kissing the top of your head as you walk to the register to buy your rings. 

September, three years later

“Happy anniversary, babe,” you say, hugging Tyson from behind and kissing him on the cheek as he sits at the kitchen table, the dinner he made sitting in front of him.

“Happy anniversary, my beautiful wife.”

“Can you believe we’ve already been married for a year?”

“And yet it feels like I’ve known you forever.” 

You start laughing, nearly spitting out the wine that you were drinking. “There’s that cliche crap I love from you.” 

“Do we want to do presents now or after we finish eating?”

“That depends: is the gift something that actually can be given right now before the food gets cold?”

He stops for a moment before realizing what you mean, “One of them yes, the other is definitely in the bedroom.” He puts a large box on the table, wrapped neatly with a bow.

“I have to go get yours, wait!” you say, running down the hall to the closet where you were keeping his.

“Open yours first!”

You take off the bow, ripping through the paper. Inside the box are a bunch of books: Their Eyes Were Watching God, Educated, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Blind Side, and Native Son. “Are these all the books that I suggested to you years ago?”

“Some of them, yeah. The others I actually got and have been reading on the road using the Kindle App on my phone. Who would have thought books were good?”

“You sound like an idiot. But I love this! I can’t believe you remembered!” You get up and kiss him, shoving the gift you got him in his face. “Now it’s your turn!”

He opens the bag, his face lighting up when he sees what it is. Last season, the Avalanche won the division, winning the Campbell trophy. You and some of the other wives and girlfriends were allowed on the ice, you jumping into Tyson’s arms as he lifted you up and kissed you. Someone got a series of pictures of that night, and you got them framed for him. “Babe. I love this.” 

“I think we set the bar too high for anniversary gifts,” you say as he kisses your cheek. 

“Yeah, next year I’m just going to sleep with you.”

“Tyson!” you squeal, throwing a piece of lettuce at him from the bowl of salad that was in front of you. “That’s so crude!”

“Yeah, maybe. But I have one more gift for you tonight.” 

He puts a small box on the table in front of you. “What is this?”

“Well, open it!” 

You shake your head, smiling at how eager he was. What could it be? Inside the box are two green pieces of paper. “Are these the paper rings we made at Target? You kept these?”

“Yeah. You said that you didn’t need jewelry to know that we were going to stay together. That was the night I knew you were the one, craziness and all.”

You can’t help but start crying over how sweet that was. You couldn’t believe he had kept something like two pieces of tissue paper. How many people can say paper rings were a symbol of their relationship?

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

.

.

.

QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[minaminokyoko]

Peace Talks Reactions

Hey, Dresden Fandom. You guys may or may not be knee deep in Peace Talks, but if you are, I welcome you to the below reactions, in handy dandy bullet form. I would love to discuss the book if you’re interested, whether you reblog with comments or shoot me a chat. I just finished the book, so all spoilers are below the Read More tag. 

Woof. Well, at least it was something after six fucking years of waiting.

·         So before Butcher’s giant hiatus, we had this first chapter of Peace Talks already and I have to say I still feel like I felt six years ago: I don’t really know where he’s going with Thomas becoming a father. In terms of what that will do for him as a character. For Harry, it’s different. Harry keeps it close to the chest with his decisions, willing to die for the greater good in an instant, and becoming a father made him have to be more careful and thoughtful in his actions to be sure he can be there for his baby girl. I’m not sure where Butcher is going with this for Thomas, but I guess we’ll see.

·         I was pleased to find out Harry decided to stick with the protected apartment and is trying his best on Dad duty. Me gusta.

·         Right, let’s get to the first big elephant in the room: Ebenezar. Oh my fucking God. I want to punch his fucking lights out. My friend and I have argued about his reaction to seeing Thomas at the apartment already. I know Eb has Harry by a thousand years or more in experience, but it pisses me off that Eb can’t be bothered to learn more about Thomas. Nope. Just skip straight to irrational anger.  It was also disappointing to find out that Eb is not a part of Harry’s life as much as I thought he was in the past, so clearly he doesn’t understand how important Thomas is to him. I’m a bit miffed that Harry didn’t explain Thomas is his half-grandson to help him understand, but at the same time, Harry might be worried about what that revelation will do. Either way, it displays a massive lack of trust in Harry. To think Harry—who has survived all this fucking shit from the supernatural world so far—is just a pawn and he doesn’t know how incredibly dangerous the White Court is. Eb is downright disrespectful and insulting to his own grandson. I’m sorry, but I think he’s being an asshat in huge proportions by just thinking Harry is too stupid to know better and by not asking him why he feels loyal to Thomas.

·         In that same vein, Eb’s whole thing about wanting Harry to leave Maggie somewhere can kiss my ass. I’m with Harry on this one. It’s not that I don’t trust the foster care system and I think anything negative about adoption, either. Maggie is a target because she’s a Dresden. That’s it. There is nothing she can ever do about it. She is the daughter of Harry Dresden, Captain fuckin’ Disaster of the supernatural world. There is no place she can go where she will be safe and Harry is honestly her best shot at being watched over and protected, but not only that, if she’s gonna be in danger her whole life, she might as well be loved and cared for by her father too. Harry brings up such a good point about feeling abandoned and rejected and how Eb’s “protection” jag didn’t work for Margaret either. I know he wants what’s best for her, but I agree that Maggie has a better chance of surviving at Harry’s side than somewhere else. Hell’s bells, that’s how this whole fucking thing started anyway. Susan’s bitch ass hid the kid and it didn’t work. Sheesh.

·         And now the other elephant in the room: Murphy. I think part of me forgot how severe her injuries were. I had assumed months of PT and such would allow her to be mobile again, but then I read Chapter 5 and now I’m just angry and hurt. You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. You just don’t. I can’t help it. Murphy is my favorite, goddamn it. I’ve reread the books where she’s helping Harry the most because their dynamic is so phenomenal. They’re my OTP. She is one of the best written female characters I’ve ever known, so ripping her ability to be at Harry’s side away is so…2020. It’s just a nasty, horrible thing and it’s shot my excitement for this novel right in the foot. I didn’t realize how important it was to me that Murphy is Harry’s badass ace in the hole until I was told she’ll be lucky to walk again. I know things have to get worse for characters in order for them to grow, but fuck this so much. I am praying she gets a magical contract or healing or a wish or something so she’s back in action or I’m done.

·         With that same elephant, fuck Jim Butcher for skipping over the foreplay at the end of Chapter 5. Yes, I said it. Fuck him. I know he thinks it’s funny to frustrate us, but this is an act of betrayal of the highest order. Why? Because I’ve waited TWENTY FUCKING YEARS for Harry and Murphy to go canon, and what does he do the first time we, the audience, get to see them in a relationship? Cut to curtains fluttering. Fuck you. We deserved that foreplay scene. No, I will NOT use my fucking imagination, pun intended. I just paid you $15 to use YOUR imagination, Jim. You spent fifteen books building up the trust, love, loyalty, and sexual tension of these two characters. That’s countless words and countless pages. And now that they’re FINALLY together, nope, skip it. Skip what should have been something intimate and powerfully emotional. Ha-ha-fucking-ha. I hope you step on a Lego barefoot. I will try to have faith that Butcher will give us what we want—a canon version of Chapter 14 of Skin Game—but if he doesn’t, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind.

·         The thought of Mab and Lara Raith working together is utterly terrifying. No. Just no. Ugh, there are bad times ahead. I also thought it was kind of contrived that Lara is owed favors, which forces Harry to not be able to say no, and I think it’s a bit lazy on Jim’s part for this convenient block to be there and he can’t refuse the favors. It just felt like he didn’t want to put the energy into painting Harry into a corner this time, so here, a convenient favor. That being said, I cackled when Mab called him a bowl of porridge. That was legitimately hilarious. What a bitch.

·         Mm, Harry just called Murphy his girlfriend. I’ve waited twenty years for that alone. *happy sigh*

·         Oh, great. Someone sent Thomas to assassinate someone. I’m betting blackmail, whether he admits to it or not.

·         LOL @ Harry’s cursing policy with Maggie.

·         Harry. Don’t. Make. Promises. EVER.

·         I would not be the least bit surprised if this assassination attempt is Mab’s idea to cut off all of Harry’s allies but her so he will have no choice but to use her protection more often. Mab is a cold fuckin’ piece. Pun intended.

·         Harry, for real, do not square up with Ebenezar. You are a wolf, for sure, but that man is a werewolf by comparison.

·         I’m getting real tired of Ebenezar’s anti-vampire schtick. I get it. They’re bad. Now shut up.

·         This is so unfortunate: I’ve been missing Lara Raith just because she’s a hoot but with this whole favor thing and Harry and Murphy being fitted for chastity belts, I’m more tired than anything else.

·         Oh, neat, one of Gard’s sisters!

·         Of course Lara knows about Thomas being Ebenezar’s grandson. It’s Lara.

·         Oh, good, I’m sure whatever deal Harry just made with Molly isn’t stupid or reckless.

·         Yes, Sanya is a VERY weird man. That is an understatement, Butters.

·         Aha. I had a hunch it was River Shoulders and not the Genoskwa.

·         And oh good, the Genoskwa’s not dead. Yay. I hate you, Butcher.

·         Now there is a good tidbit of story for the series: that the reason everything is accelerating into bad news is we’re about to hit that 666 year mark that people are talking about, where the even worse shit hits. We’ve had small clues about Harry being starborn and this helps provide context for the shit that happens to him. I hope it’s not a Chosen One scenario, but it does explain why he’s been in so many scrapes and why he’s made it out of them so far. However, I tend to dislike destiny in most stories. It can get tedious. We’ll see what’s in store.

·         Ugh, and there it is, but I already knew Lara was gonna make poor Harry break Thomas out from the book trailer anyhow. Sigh.

·         Murphy calling the White Council useless is a fuckin’ mood and a half. I swear, they ain’t nothing but useless since these books first started. Harry hit the nail on the head earlier with Carlos and the Wardens, that they spend a lot of time talking at Harry but not listening. That’s been their entire M.O. from the start. They don’t listen to anything he has to say; they just insist they know better and that he should fall in line, not caring about what he has on said line, which is very often innocent lives. I love the hypocrisy of them preaching to him about making cold, rational decisions when it’s not their asses who have to deal with the consequences. Yes, there is fallout from what Harry does, but the opposition is always there and it doesn’t act solely based on what Harry Dresden does. I really fucking hate the Council at this point.

·         So we get a second of tender kissing in the tub and an “I love you” and then Butcher cuts away again. I am so over it. I don’t have enough energy to put towards how angry he’s making me right now and he doesn’t deserve it anyway. I cannot believe he spent all this time building this relationship up and then makes it canon and won’t touch it. Fuck you.

·         Murphy immediately spotting all three of Harry’s tails is life. God, I love my bad bitch.

·         I do like that Harry has been practicing his Veils. That’s smart. It also shows character development and wisdom that he’s recognizing how much more useful stealth is and that even though it’s hard for him, it’s worth the effort to learn. Good book boyfriend.

·         It’s still Murphy, bitch. Injured or not. My queen is a queen. Try her if you want, Freydis.

·         PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT MURPHY YOU POOR CATHOLIC DARLING COME HERE. That pass was hilariously unexpected in a book that hasn’t been all that funny so far. Thanks, Jim. That got a whole bunch of cackling out of me.

·         “I like your brother.” I just clapped and squealed. I mean, duh, of course Murphy likes Thomas, but this pleases me greatly to hear her say it aloud. Murph is tough and doesn’t like to say stuff like that out loud usually. I’m delighted.

·         For all my complaints, I appreciate Butcher bringing Murphy in to help Harry plan everything. She’s hella smart and experienced in matters where you need to get someone out without being all guns a-blazing. And it is an apology for her being benched halfway thru Skin Game, imo.

·         Oh, shit. Harry doesn’t know Molly’s the one who attacked Carlos. Ugh. I bet this is gonna explode in someone’s face.

·         And Harry just fucked up the rest of his friendship with Carlos, not know Molly already did the same thing. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

·         “You just went from a three to a six.” Jesus Christ, immortals are so savage, I swear. I laughed, tho. That was mean as hell.

·         I’m dying that Freydis wants a threesome with Harry and Murphy. I mean, who can blame her? Fuck, I want a threesome with Harry and Murphy, if I’m being totally honest here. The thirst is so fucking real.

·         Finally, someone made a joke about Harry and Murphy getting together.

·         Ah, this IS what I missed about Lara, though—she loves to fuck with Harry for the lolz and nothing other than the lolz. I mean, he’s such a peach. I would do the same thing.

·         Also, Jim, for God’s sake, make up your mind about vampires getting burned! I don’t get it. Thomas can touch Harry, and Harry is and always has been loved, so when do vampires get burned and when do they not? We’ve seen Harry touch Lara even when Susan was still alive and remember the kiss in White Night? MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND. I had a debate about this with another fan because it’s so goddamn inconsistent! If anyone being loved by anyone else burns them, then that would mean the entire world would be in the know about White Court vampires because they’d get burnt left and right touching people who are loved. I thought it only happens if they try to feed, not just touching each other. I think Jim needs to pay better attention to his own lore or finally spit out an explanation. We’ll see if he does later with that whole kiss thing from the book trailer, I guess. Argh! *Yosemite Sam curses*

·         I’m really starting to hate Harry’s condition and the fact that he didn’t stop to ask Eb what it is or how to stop it. Ugh.

·         Oh, good, and now everyone will think Harry and Lara are a couple. Convenient. Like they don’t already have constant trust issues. I’m sure Eb won’t block a gasket or anything.

·         Oh, yay, a Malcolm Dresden flashback! This is a delightful surprise. Like a lot of the fanbase, we’ve always wanted to know more about him. He seemed like a good man.

·         Yay! Vadderung to the rescue!

·         Okay, I do NOT like Murphy being alone with a starving Thomas and Lara. Not one little bit.

·         Ah, so the goddess Ethniu gets introduced in this book. That’s why Peace Talks got split and then Battle Ground popped out as the next book.

·         “You’re out of the White Council if you do this.” FUCK YOU, EBENEZAR. Jesus Christ, fuck you. All the Council has EVER done is use and abuse Harry Dresden. They have constantly blamed him for everything or forced him to fight their goddamn battles. You can shove it right up your old crusty ass for all I care. I am sick to death of this belief that they are just so righteous and trustworthy and good when they’re self-important douchebags who think that people are ants and can’t be bothered to protect them unless it directly benefits the Council.

·         I think I’m angriest because up until this point, Ebenezar has been mostly reasonable and it feels inorganic that Jim pushed him this hard. It’s just kind of exhausting because it feels like the plot needs Eb to lose his shit instead of it being something natural. I won’t be shocked if we find out he’s been compromised somehow, but I guess I’ll have to find out myself.

·         Murphy is right on the money. We thought we knew Eb, but we REALLY don’t. And that sucks. A lot. Especially since Harry has barely any family at all.

·         I can honestly tell why this book took Jim six years to write. It’s awful stagnant. It’s the exact same reason that the first draft of Of Fury and Fangs kicked my ass. I wrote the story in the first draft incorrectly, in a way, because all the characters were passive for the most part, and the other half of the problem was that I got halfway through this book and thought up an idea for a better book, but in order for the better book to happen, there were too many things I couldn’t ignore in this one, so I still had to finish it and make it good. Peace Talks, to me, feels like it’s obligatory to set up the next book, and maybe that’s why it feels lackluster to me. It’s a transitional book, which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s definitely in the bottom five of the entire series. Transitional books aren’t bad, but they aren’t good either. Most authors know that this tends to happen if you write a trilogy. All the really big, important shit tends to happen in the first and third book if you’re not careful. In this case, yeah, there’s stuff happening, but it’s largely passive. It’s kind of like why back in 2010 people were so hard on Iron Man 2—it spent all this time setting up shit for the MCU, which in the long run is a good thing, but that makes it weak when it tries to stand on its own. 

As it stands, Peace Talks is mediocre. Jim took way too many shortcuts. It felt rushed, ironically enough, because he was so busy moving pieces around to set up for Battle Ground that Peace Talks doesn’t really stand out as interesting or likable like the other books. I really understand why he got stuck and couldn’t write on it for six years. My two biggest beefs here are him pushing Ebenezar into the antagonist role and him completely fucking bailing on the Harry/Murphy relationship after sixteen books of waiting. I mean, yeah, fine, because everything in this book is just set up for Battle Ground, maybe then we’ll get more acknowledgment of the romance and the importance of the relationship, but as it stands, I’m dissatisfied with both aspects. This is part of why we didn’t want a hiatus. If you make us wait this long, inevitably, the result is not going to be up to par. There are VERY few things we as people have waited forever for that ended up living up to our expectations. I almost feel like all the fan theories and fanfiction was a better, more creative result than what actually happened in Peace Talks. That’s harsh, I know, but I’ve been reading the fan generated stuff for six years and that’s just how I feel. 

This is a mediocre novel that’s placing a LOT of weight on what’s to come, which is dangerous from a quality standpoint. It could be a lot worse. I was expecting a disaster. Instead, I got a disappointment. I can live with it, but only if Battle Ground makes up for it. If it doesn’t, then we’re all in a world of hurt.

I’ll take maybe a week or so and then consider if I want to do an actual review or not. We’ll see how I feel once I digest everything and talk it out with friends.

Overall Grade: 3 out of 5 stars

[bagelbitch666]

Thanks for tagging me @clandestinemeetingsinthetrees - this is so exciting!

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs (that I will never reach) you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

Name: Emilee

Gender: Female

Star sign: i had to ask my sister bc astrology is cool but it is confusing and shes better at it than me lol; capricorn sun, sagittarius moon, taurus rising

Height: 5′3

Time: 11:15 PM (EST)

Birthday: December 28

Favorite bands: oof The Doors, Pinegrove, Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys, Mazzy Star, Joyce Manor, Fleetwood Mac, brockhampton, Gorillaz, too many more lmao

Favorite solo artists: Father John Misty, Mitski, Harry Styles, billy joel, there’s more i just can’t think

Last movie: I watched Easy A with my dog last night lol

Last show: I just pulled an all nighter to binge bridgerton a night or two ago and I both hated and loved it

When did i create this blog?: about a month ago? I started a new one to get more involved in the zk community and my old blog originated from my 2011 ish one direction phase and has not been in use for a few years now

What I post: For the most part ATLA content (zutara centered) some general ranting, and fanfiction related stuff. I’m trying to keep it to that lol

Last thing i googled: ngl something about my dog bc she hasn’t been feeling good tonight, I was nervous that I might have to take her to the vet but I think I webmd diagnosed her so I’m gonna play it by ear bc I honestly think she just ate her dinner too quickly lol.

Other blogs: I have my old blog that I used from like 2011-now, and I definitely had another earlier on from like 2009-10 ish

Do i get asks?: I’ve only had a few so far here, but its been really cool to get them - I used to love answering asks on my old blog but I haven’t been active in a couple of years

Why I chose my url: I used it as my pokemon go username forever ago and couldn’t think of something to use on the fly so i went with this lmao i honestly just think its funny

Following: 129

Followers: 26

Average hours of sleep: I have terrible insomnia so it really depends on the kind of day im having i can do 0-3, 5-7, or 9-12 lmao

Instruments: I played cello since I was a kid but haven’t been able to seriously play since high school - I really want to pick it back up again, and I play some bass but I practice every couple of months when i have enough wine lol

What am i wearing: A shirt I wore to work today, and joggers bc I couldn’t handle wearing my dress pants any longer after I got home.

Dream job(s): I’d love to make a living off of my writing one day, at one point I really wanted to say fuck it and be a screenwriter, but now I keep it as more of a hobby. I’d also more realistically like to work in publishing.  

Dream trip: I would love to go back to Italy - specifically the Amalfi coast because that is where my family is from. I got to spend a few days in Sorrento where my great great grandparents lived when I graduated high school. If anything I’d like to live there lol i want to explore the area a bit more - we stopped at pompeii and capri and I wish I could spend some more time there

Favorite food: ive been obsessed with grilled cheese and tomato soup recently - its been a struggle meal but a good one

Nationality: American

Favorite song: Ah this changes so much but I’d say either Aphasia or Darkess by Pinegrove. Those two have been stuck in my head since early fall and I cant get them to go away lol

Last book i read: I think it’s probably twilight tbh a month or two ago I was going to try to reread them all before I read midnight sun and have yet to finish the rest bc of school - might pick it back up on vacation next week

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: atla, percy jackson, and in general i wish I existed on the same plane as a main character in a jane austen novel

Tagging: @sukkadeservedbetter, @lordmomohismomoness @gemgirl28, @silversandwichbites

[premiumpendeja]

The Reunion - Sebastian Stan x reader

A/N: Sebastian in this suit makes me want to yell.

Warnings: some lAngUAge

y/s/n: your school name

y/f/n: your friend’s name

“Y/n! Your phone dinged again! It’s an email!”, I hear my husband of two years call out to me from the kitchen.

“Coming babe!”, I retreat from the bathroom after finishing giving Nova, our rescue pup, a bath and drying her off. I make my way to Seb, slower than usual seeing as I’m almost 6 months pregnant, and check my phone and see it’s an email from the high school I graduated from.

 “Good afternoon Y/n Y/l/n, we would like to inform you that y/s/n will be hosting its 10 year reunion on the first of August at eight PM. We’re excited for you to join us on this evening to rekindle and reminisce. Attached below is the link to RSVP. See you there!``'' I read out loud to a very intrigued Sebastian, who is now holding Nova.

 “They got my name wrong. I’m a proud Stan now.” I say, earning a chuckle from Seb.

“Baby we should go, it’ll be fun. Besides, I wanna see where you spent your so called worst years of your life”.

“I mean, it does sound interesting to go see how my former classmates moved on and I kinda wanna see if anyone aged bad. Is that bad?”

Seb comes over to me and wraps his arms around me and plants a sweet kiss on my lips and places his hands on my ever growing bump, earning a small kick from our little jelly bean.

“Not at all. Is there a dress code involved? Oh shit do I need to wear a suit?” I chuckle and reread the email. Lo and behold, it is a semi formal event.

“It’s semi formal, so I think you should maybe wear that light blue suit you wore to the Endgame premier, it really brings out your eyes and you look scrumptious in it.” I say with a cheeky grin. Sebastian smiles and kisses me once more, earning a small whine from Nova and her trying to squeeze in between our legs. We break apart and Seb picks her up and immediately she starts to lick his face. 

“Welp, we should start planning what we’re gonna wear, it’s in like two days. I’ll RSVP and you call someone to watch over Nova for that night?” Seb nods and takes an excited Nova to our room. I call the number attached to the email and confirm our attendance.

-------------

“Y/n are you ready babe it’s almost 8 and we need to go.” I’m finishing up my last curl as Seb pops his head in the doorway of our bathroom. His eyes go wide when he sees me all dolled up and the vibrant yellow maxi dress I chose to wear accentuates my bump perfectly. He eyes me up and down and I see a mix of love and lust in his crystal blue eyes. He wraps his arms around me and rests his hands on the center of my bump and rests his chin on the top of my head, making me look tiny compared to his massive size.

“My my my Mrs. Stan, you look radiant. Absolutely breathtaking.” I let out a small giggle and melt into his arms. I turn and peck his lips and pull him out of our bathroom and out to the living room where my neighbor stands with Nova in her arms. 

“Oh Mrs. Adams thank you so much for watching little Nova tonight!” Mrs. Adams is the sweetest lady and  was the first person to welcome Seb and I here and she’s helped us with settling in and getting to know our surrounding neighbors on our floor. She even tells us the latest gossip going around our building.

“Not a problem dearie, you kids go enjoy your night out, we’ll be just peachy here.” With that, Seb and I head down to the lobby of our building and make the drive to my old high school. I haven’t been there since I graduated, I hadn’t even visited.

“You nervous bub? It’s totally fine if you are. Seeing old friends for the first time in a decade is pretty nerve wracking, but think about it as exciting to see old pals.” Seb takes my left hand in his right and runs his thumb over my knuckles, grazing over my wedding ring, then brings it to his lips in a sweet kiss. Consider my nerves dissipated. 

We finally make it to y/s/n and notice a few old classmates making their way towards the cafeteria doors, it reminds me of going to homecoming for a second.

Sebastian parks and opens my door for me and leads me to the double doors and ushers me in, like the gentleman he is. Immediately upon entering I see that the whole cafeteria is decorated with balloons and the year we graduated and all that. There’s a whole buffet in the back and tables set up throughout the space. 

Seb and I move to find a table after checking in and it doesn’t take long for people to notice us, seeing as I’m in a bright yellow dress, pregnant, and with Sebastian freaking Stan right next to me with his arm around my waist. My former classmates stop and stare, some with bulging eyes, some with smiles, and some with just pure shock. Part of me is thinking ‘ha look at me now bitches’ and the other part of me doesn’t want the attention towards us.

I hear faint whispers of “is that y/n?” and “oh my god”. Seb smiles at everyone and continues to usher me to the nearest table. 

“I’ll be right back, dragă, I’m gonna make you a plate.” He kisses my forehead and head towards the tables lined with food. While he walks away, a few of my classmates come towards me and vacate the chairs surrounding me, but leaving one empty for Sebastian, I assume.

“Oh my god y/n how’ve you been? You look amazing, you’re glowing!” The first to speak is this girl named Rachel, I remember her from our pep rallies. She was fairly nice to me. 

“I’ve been doing great, thank you, just getting ready for this little one to come, y’know.” I smile politely at the small group formed in front of me.

“How did you and the Sebastian Stan meet? Like, you’re literally married to Bucky Barnes!” Another girl, Erika, gushes. This question seems to get everyone listening intently. I smile at the memory of meeting the love of my life.

“So a few years ago, he was at this ACE comic con and I just so happen to be leaving from work and unfortunately I missed the ticket sales, so I didn’t get to go to the meet and greet but that didn’t matter when I bumped into him as he was leaving and I had a smoothie in my hand, strawberry banana to be exact, and I spilled it on my hoodie and the poor thing felt so bad, he kept apologizing and offering to make it up to me and I was still in shock that I had bumped into him in the first place. After I had snapped out of it, I smiled and told him that it was fine and I saw the opportunity and took it and asked him if we could grab dinner, y’know to make up for my smoothie. He immediately smiled and walked me to his car and took me to one of the restaurants he remembered from his last visit. Luckily it was just my hoodie and not my blouse. So we ate and talked all night, well until the restaurant owner closed up and we just went for a walk and exchanged numbers and the rest is history.” I finished just as Seb came back with two plates of food, setting one down in front of me with a cheeky grin. 

“You telling them our fanfiction-esque meeting? I still feel guilty about your hoodie by the way.” He chuckles as he greets everyone and sits next to me.

Everyone around us is grinning at our exchange and gushing at how cute of a couple we are. 

“Wait til they hear our wedding stories. Oof those are cheesy. So we decided not to get married in a church, we aren’t too traditional, so the beach it was. It was a bit windy that day but we had to suck it up. Our wedding was ocean themed, thus the beach being the location. I shit you not, I cried so hard when I saw her walking down the aisle. I was seconds from bawling, and so was she, she can’t deny it, I have photos.” Seb started to loosen up and feel more comfortable as he told the story and I can’t help but get lost in his voice. 

“Our honeymoon was one for the books. I didn’t Y/n a thing about where we were going. I had packed everything she’d need so she didn’t get to ask. I took her to Santorini. She was floored. She’d always wanted to go and me, being the perfect husband, I made it happen.” Sebastian finished with the cheekiest grin at me and I literally had all heart eyes for him. I looked around at the group in front of us and heard a chorus of ‘aw’s’ and various compliments.

“Oh the surprises didn’t stop there. When we got back from our honeymoon, Seb took me to a dog shelter and let me pick out a dog and I saw this gorgeous little angel, she’s a great dane border collie mix and with one look I knew I needed her. We adopted her and now Nova is our pride and joy. She took it so well when we found out we were having a baby, she never lets me go anywhere in the house alone, sweet thing, and when Seb is traveling she gets even more protective, more so when I started showing. Now she knows she’s gonna be a big sister and always sleeps with her head on my bump.” I feel everyone’s intense gaze on me, and I turn to Seb, who has a glint in his baby blues, looking at me with all the love in the world. 

Soon enough, everyone went to get their own plates of food. At the table we were sitting at, the rest of the seats were taken by my best friend, her husband, two girls,Haley and Lorie, I became friends with later in my high school career and their husbands. There was some mingling, catching up, some laughs, the usual. 

“So Y/n, have you and y/f/n kept in touch since graduation?” Haley asks. I haven’t heard her name in a while now. We used to be really good friends until we just drifted apart. I would try to reach out but keeping in touch with her became difficult and I had hope that inviting her to the wedding would help patch up the loose ends. I feel Seb stiffen a little next to me, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the table.

“Um, no we haven’t. Not in about a year now. I tried to keep in touch with her and her family but I assumed she was always busy y’know. I sent a wedding invitation to her parent’s house in hopes that they’d see it and tell her about it, ‘cause I assumed she regularly visits them. I stopped by after a week in hopes to run into her but her parents said she wasn’t home and invited me to stay for lunch. I accepted of course and caught up with them, told them what the deal was and they promised to talk to her, I mentioned to them the invitation was for all of them, if they wanted to, of course, and they thanked me and sent some leftovers with me. The wedding was getting closer and I still tried to get ahold of her and nothing, her parents R.S.V.P’d so I had assumed she knew. Wedding day came and I made sure there was a seat for her just  in case because I didn’t know if she was going to come, I’d hoped so, but all that dissipated when I noticed an empty seat next to her mom and I decided to drop it altogether.” By the time I finished telling the table, Seb was holding me hand reassuringly, my best friend was shaking her head disappointedly seeing as she was there when it happened and the rest were in shock. Seb was just as upset, if not more, as me when it happened and I remember her family apologizing profusely and I didn’t want them to feel worse so I just waved it off the best I could, but I knew they saw through it all. They promised they’d give her an earful and bid us their congrats and goodbyes. I haven’t forgiven her, even when she finally returned my calls and agreed to meet up with me. It was mostly me calling her out and her making excuses. I left it at that and from that point I haven’t spoken to her.

As the night goes on, I’ve caught up with most of the people I shared classes with and had a fair share of girls I never spoke to come up to me and act as if we’ve been friends for ages, just a little show for Seb and it made me want to laugh because Seb was clearly ignoring their little acts and kept his arm around me, making sure his wedding band was in view.

Right before the reunion ended, I was walking to find Seb so we could go home, but not before I bumped into Y/f/n. She seemed surprised at first, then a small smile and I could have sworn she looked a little guilty??

“Y/n, how’ve you been? It’s been a while, congrats on your baby.” She spoke as if nothing happened and I couldn’t care less if I’m being honest. I just smiled and thanked her and walked off. Well, waddled off to find my husband to get the hell out of here.

From a few tables away I see Seb talking to a few of the guys and smiles sweetly at me when I reach his line of vision.

“Hey angel, you ready to go?” He seemed to have seen the look on my face and knew exactly what had happened. I nod and grab my purse and hand him the keys. We say goodbye to everyone and finally make our way home. The car ride isn’t silent but it’s not filled with the usual boisterous conversation.

When we actually step foot in our apartment, Nova comes barreling towards us and Mrs. Adams is watching Family Feud in the living room. She notices us and greets us with her warm smile and we thank her for taking care of Nova and she waves it off with a smile and retreats next door.

“Baby, are you okay, you’ve been quiet the whole ride home, what happened?” Seb steps in front of me while placing his warm hands on my bump, earning some kicks from our lovebug. I wrap my arms around his neck and let out a sigh.

“I ran into her. She acted as if nothing happened. I just left her there and went to you. I wanted nothing of it. This was one hell of a reunion, I guess.” I whispered. Seb wraps me in his loving embrace and kisses the top of my head and helps me out of my dress and does my night routine for me. I love when he pampers me like this, he’s so loving in all his actions that it nearly brings me to tears. Nearly. While I’m changing into one of his shirts and sweats, he’s already waiting for me in our bed. Once I lay down he pulls me towards him and wraps his arm around my bump and holds me.

“I’m so proud of you, dragă. I love you so much.” He whispers as I drift off.

[anneboleyns]

I saw the downton abbey movie so now here’s kind of a rambling personal essay, under a cut for spoilers for the downton abbey movie. downton abbey movie spoilers ahead.

once again SPOILERS AHEAD also tw for death, grief, suicide attempts/etc mention.

so, i know probably no one cares but considering how active i was in this fandom and how incredibly important this show and the character of thomas was to me personally, i’m just gonna sit here and write my thoughts about thomas barrow, the show, the movie, what it meant to me, and my critique overall

so basically i always loved the show and thomas but it really took off 2 yrs ago during 2017.

i had just moved out of my mother’s house and i had just finished a rewatch of the show, i remember this so clearly lol it was september 2017 the rewatch had started like june 2017. and i remember when i got to my new apartment one of the “comfort shows” i would put on on my very own tv in my very own apartment was “downton abbey”. i believe the other that was regularly tossed on in the background was “the tudors”, obviously lol

anyways, i was so hyper obsessed. i had also JUST discovered that thomas and jimmy were legitimately shipped in this fandom. i had no idea that was a real thing when i watched it live. and i had never cared about jimmy or thought of them as an actual viable relationship. but with this rewatch they just hit different i guess. i spent hours and hours and hours at my mother’s house before the move (which was an EXTREMELY tense living situation, the month or so right before i left. i’m not getting into all of it now. if you followed me back then you know) watching this show like properly sitting and watching an episode with my sister, and then capping for gifs, which if you make gifs you know is basically spending possibly 3 or 4 hours with the same episode. like it can take that long for me personally to go through it and cap everything i want, then, sorting the caps into folders, especially if i’d capped more than one episode. completely mesmerized with the smallest details, hand and facial movements i specifically wanted to gif or be in a set, clothing movements, emotional moments, like i was just so into all aspects of the show and wanted to gif everything. my fav 4 are thomas, sybil, mary, and tom. i also adore edith and it may be a “fav 5″ now as i think i just love all of those characters equally. so i pretty much giffed every single fucking scene they were in lol. unless they were “ugly scenes” that i knew i could never make work in photoshop. sometimes i would cap it anyway and sort it anyway and open it up anyway and try but would end up deleting all the caps for that set. so all the gifs i have posted, is not even all the ones i capped. anyway

okay and then, there’s the fanfic. reading it, rereading, and writing it. it took me 2 years but i actually read close to every single thomas/jimmy fanfic on a03. at some point i only started opening complete fanfics because i got burned too many times on abandoned slow burns, and if a fic wasn’t my thing i would obviously not finish it. but definitely hundreds of works i read, saved to my phone and reread in google books. works i would think about all day.

so, june 2017 i start the rewatch. i also start planning to move out of my mother’s. a toxic tense living situation. in the past i have used harsher words like “abusive”. i can’t really use that word and apply it to my mother right now even though it is accurate. it hurts to think about. i can’t think about it. september 2017 i actually move.

the hyperfixation is in full swing. hours every night reading. reading 50k word fanfics in a single night. hours every day (or, week, i have a fulltime job) capping and coloring frames in photoshop. eventually i started writing fanfic for them as well.

so, in november 2017 my mother is hospitalized. this was not an unusal occurence. in february 2018 they tell us she’s going to die. 12 days later she died.

i’m not gonna really get into what happened to my mental state. it’s uh. bad. guilt. self hatred. like hatred isn’t even a strong enough word. i wanted to annihilate myself. i believed i deserved to be annihilated. that’s the only word violent enough i can think of to describe the depth of it. suicidal. etc. whatever.

but! i had this piece of fiction, this series, and assorted fan works. it really intensified after this. i can look back at this time last year and i remember how obsessed i was lol.

when i try to articulate what this character and show means to me, i always feel really embarrassed. at some point when i’m talking about thomas it becomes obvious i am talking about myself as well. but i’m gonna really try and objectively talk about my opinion on thomas and why i adore him and why i want what i want for him. it’s probably gonna be obvious i am also talking about myself but. anyway. 

here’s the “meta” “opinion on the fictional characters” section.

thomas barrow starts the show as an antagonist. he’s rude, could even be called cruel. a bully, snide, dishonest when it suits him and honest when it hurts him. like, he’s an asshole. what he said about william’s mom. how he treated baxter. his ambition and the underhanded things he does to serve it. overall proud demeanor designed to make those around him feel lesser. feel less able to hurt him. he wants the people around him to feel like they should not hurt him. i think he might be unaware that that is his motivation. because even as he’s afraid of everyone, he craves everyone as well. he’s alone, outside, and he’s been shoved there, constantly, he’s been shoved there politely and he’s been shoved there violently and if they’re gonna shove him here outside, away from them, unfixably different from them, unworthy of them, then he will stay there. like, the meanness and the comments and the attitude. he’s already Not Like The Others. if they already don’t like him, he will make it even harder for them to like him. unless, he can get somewhere safer, which is where his motivation comes in.

i just really view thomas as a character that craves safety.

he wants others to not hurt him. he wants to get from where he is to somewhere safer, somewhere up there, where it’s even less likely for people to be able to hurt him.

so, his motivations: safety, and then, there’s love.

he constantly has this world and these people implicitly and explicitly telling him he cannot love or be loved. it’s not right, it’s not natural, best case scenario is it doesn’t even exist- he’s confused, he’s sick, he’s broken, maybe they can fix it. he’s on the outside, remember, and he just gets to watch thru the window as the others dance and fall in love and have friends and family and be cherished. he can have none of it. this is a really old story that could be told by better people and in a better way.

the loves we get to see him have all have teeth. he’s betrayed by one lover and then abandoned, someone he obviously had feelings for but also betrayed first. then we get a probably one-sided attraction, but still a friend, still someone he can actually be vulnerable with since they’re helplessly vulnerable with him as well due to the circumstances. who kills himself. and then there’s the shameless, stupid hope that almost costs him everything, but he does get a friend in the balance.

he finds a friend in baxter, another character i just adore, because she gives to thomas what he needs even though he objectively does not deserve it, at least not from her, who he has terrorized. baxter’s trauma from her abusive relationship with coyle that thomas knows and uses, the impossible situation thomas places her in, the manipulation, the bullying, some would even term his behavior abusive. baxter would have had every right to ignore thomas, to get him fired, to hurt him back. but she loves him instead. she loves him in spite of. she loves him because. she helps him, she speaks to him softly and kindly. she tells him he’s brave. she remembers him as a child. this especially touches me. the idea of thomas as a child, someone who must have been different from who he is now, and she knows them both and loves him. she looks at the grown, hurt, cruel man in front of her and she speaks to the boy she once knew, and thomas listens. slowly. but he listens. AND she tries to give him advice for finding a lover, supporting and encouraging something the rest of the entire fucking series despises or ignores.

i don’t have enough energy to really go off but, baxter is supreme. i need a baxter.

thomas clearly cannot form self esteem in the environment he lives in. the ground is dead. he can’t grow it himself. he has this ironclad sense that he deserves what the others have, the ones on the inside. it’s immovable. he deserves it, they have no right to keep it from him. maybe he’ll never, ever get it, but in his mind, in his heart, he will never stop believing he deserves it. they tell him he’s nothing, he’s dirt, he’s wrong, and he just nods and keeps walking. they can think that. they can say that. he can’t stop them. but he will not stop working for the future he wants. he will not stop until they have no choice but to let him inside.

but he wants, i think, for them to invite him inside. but he’ll never admit it, and he’ll never ask for it, and he’ll never get it anyway.

so, he tries to change himself. maybe they’ll invite him in then? no.

then, his attempts to form friendships get twisted, and aborted, and he gets tired stereotypical accusations thrown on him.

then, he tries to kill himself in a bathtub with a razor.

then, he leaves his home and spends his days bored and unchallenged and away from all of the friends and half-friends he had.

then, he’s invited back. he’s invited inside!!!! you might say. and yeah i guess. as close as they’ll ever let him. but part of him always ignored and not commented on. part of him always raised eyebrows at i’m sure. and yes, his bad behavior is also to blame for this. but see, the 2 are linked. and you can’t unlink them.

by the end of the show the others still largely tiptoe around him. but due to his now somewhat subdued behavior he’s “likable” now.

i think it’s quite a choice to have this character who is completely sharp edges have them worn away by heartbreak, torture, injury, suicide attempt, ostracisation, abandonment, and present that as a victory, as a happy ending. but guess what? it is. and i’ll take it. he was back among his friends, back home, accepted, celebrating with everyone else, and i adored it, even as the jarring notes i heard in it won’t ever fade from my opinion of it.

anyway, in the aftermath of my grief i fell heavily into this story and the many stories of thomas finding love and safety. and healing, and friends, and peace. lots different from each other and lots the same. again, i relate very strongly to this character. i was not in a mindset where i was able to be kind to myself. or think sympathetically about myself. i think i fixated so much on this character, became obsessed with finding stories where he gets told and he experiences all the things i think i wanted to be told and i wanted to experience. i couldn’t accept it, even the concept, directly. but i devoured and absorbed a billion pixels of a character very similar to me accepting it. it’s the closest the concept could have gotten to me and i’m embarrassed i only recently realized this link and that that was what i was doing considering it is obvious, and common, and normal. maybe not “healthy” but like. let’s not get into healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms rn bec i promise you the fanfic and the fiction fixation is not even at the top of the list lol

FAST FORWARD it’s september 2019. the movie is in theaters.

my mom is still dead. but. a lot has happened to me. i have happened to some people. i’ve been thru some more things now. dipped my toes and eventually completely submerged and perhaps am drowning in the entire Romance/Love/Sex section of human experience. again, let’s not get into it. but it’s a LOT. 

i don’t quite have the same relationship with fiction and fanfiction as i used to. it’s been only 2 years since leaving my mother’s house, but i feel as though galaxies could fit in between the girl back there and the one here. but they’re the same! i’m working on understanding that. 

i love this character and this show so much. i loved the film. there are problems- the writing and plotting is not nearly as neat and crisp and sharp. it’s more smooth, almost to a loss of definition, and instead of quick-wit it feels just... fast. there’s no time to really dive in in a film, so i’ll forgive all that, but it’s a flaw that should be mentioned. but it’s not a flaw that prevents joy in the film. i was overjoyed watching it. the things i wanted for thomas all happened. all the characters and relationships were... smoothed, i can’t describe it any other way. i feel like the bumps and corners and quirks and hidden pockets of them were just smoothed away. we know they’re there because we watched the show, but the film doesn’t- can’t- show them all. 

it was frustrating for me to see thomas smoothed in this way, but also satisfying, because while he absolutely one of a kind, unique, damaged, and layered, and contradictory, really a marvelous character and well-built... he is just like everyone else. and i think he would love and hate that and i love and hate that about myself.

for this reason, i really enjoyed a scene where he refuses to help carson. carson is flustered and overworked, in a crisis, and asks barrow for help, and thomas refuses, with a smile. i adored it. carson is one of thomas’ worst ... opponents, i could say. carson hurls homophobic abuse at and about thomas several times during the series, casts aspersions on him in the film as well, and he can choke. i love that even though towards the end of the show and yes during the rest of the film thomas’ sharp edges got smoothed away, but they put this one in and it catches you right on the bone how it should- an older woman in my theater actually gasped, offended, when thomas refused to help and carson was left to flounder. i, on the other hand, thought, “that’s my boy,” and leaned back in my seat satisfied. it might be my fav moment in the film. surprising considering the AMAZING joy and tenderness thomas gets to experience in the movie (but, i think that’s just my taste right now due to a personal heartbreak i won’t get into). like, they shoved him outside, carson shoved him outside, outside the realm of normal, and this is a moment of carson needing his help and thomas going, “no, remember how you used to treat me? remember how you secretly think of me? i do. i won’t forget. good luck! bye!” and then goes on to have a terrible wonderful adventure, while someone funny and kind finally falls in love with him, he gets to stand up for himself to the crawleys in the beginning of the film as well and i just felt elated watching that scene.

i could probably write essays about the love and romance portion of his storyline in the movie. but i’m just not in the headspace to do that right now super in depth but.

i’m also annoyed he had to experience yet ANOTHER homophobic plotline. he goes out to a gay club for literally The First Time and gets arrested and called a dirty pervert. i remember this being my exact fear for the movie. like “imagine if thomas goes to a gay club and gets arrested? that would suck!!!” and that is exactly what happens. but at least it’s so quick, i genuinely think that entire plot is like 6 short scenes max. why is julian fellowes obsessed with having this character, the ONE main queer character, suffer solely because he is gay? experience so many gay-specific agonies, the depths of which i just really doubt he, fellowes, can understand. it’s really, really, disappointing. but consistent as the show did this as well. smh. at least he gets out, and his lover, richard, goes to bat for him in this movie TWICE!!!!! and stares at him with stars in his eyes, soft and enamoured? while thomas is oblivious?? I’VE READ THIS FIC BEFORE!!!! so yes that was VERY cute and all i ever fucking wanted

it’s just funny how fiction touches us differently depending on what we’re going through, especially for those of us that were lonely, neglected, children, ones who grew up with favorite characters instead of friends. i might be more “normal” i might be more “sociable” i might have more “life experience” than i used to but this fangirl inside is just not going anywhere.

this was just a ramble, i wrote it with no point in mind and i’m not rereading or editing it lol. enjoy this vague update into my life/movie review/character meta lol

[hellomomo]

Quarantine Q&A

I was tagged by @moonlightusa. Thank you~

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yep, schools are closed here for the unseeable future. My spring semester is just about done though (my last exam is this Friday!) and summer classes have already been changed to distance education. So, I will be at home for who knows how long haha.

If you’re staying home, who’s with you?

I live with my parents, my older sister, and younger sister. Right now, only, my mother is leaving to go to work.

Are you a homebody? 

Yes? I usually was at home before, but not ALL the time. I miss being able to go out T_T

What movies have you watched recently?

So, my sisters and I can never decide on a movie to watch unless we have something in mind already. I haven’t watched a movie in a while actually. I really wanted to go see Birds of Prey though!

Shows?

Right now, I’m watching Fruits Basket Season 2, Brooklyn 99, Meow the Secret Boy, and Fugo Keiji Balance: Unlimited. I just finished watching Hi Bye Mama and Itaewon Class recently too! I’ll probably find something else to add to that list as well haha.

What event was cancelled that you were looking forward to?

Honestly, I didn’t big any big event or anything planned for the spring or summer. But I am pretty bummed that BTS’ tour got postponed, even though I was not personally attending.

What music are you listening to?

Lots of BTS (no surprise there at this point though huh?). I’ve been trying to find new artists too. Been adding a lot of mxmtoon and Rina Sawayama to my playlists though!

What are you reading?

I don’t read a lot of books haha. I am currently on hold of my library’s ebook copy of Pride and Prejudice though! Mostly just fanfiction lately (bless all you amazing writers!)

I have been rereading some of my favourite chapters of Mo Dao Zu Shi and Tian Guan Ci Fu, both of which I totally recommend if you want something longer and plot-heavy to read!

And I read a handful of webtoons and mangas if that counts. True Beauty, LUFF, My Deepest Secret, Devil #4, and I Love Yoo are some of my fave webtoons. And I’m also reading the weekly updates for My Hero Academia and the fan translations of MDZS and TGCF. Yeah, I’m more of a comic/webtoon person I think? I’ll probably read some other comics after exams are done. I’m super behind on Young Justice and Spider-Man :’)

What are you doing for self care?

I try and make myself one nice drink a day, like coffee or some fruity tea. Although the last couple weeks I’ve been eating a lot of sweet T_T

I’m gonna try and eat healthier and snack less though. I’ve also been slacking on skin/hair care lately ugh. I’m gonna let myself continue this slump until my last exam Friday and then it’s back to taking care of myself!

Anyone who wants to join, feel free to!

[andrewjostn]

kitty high school fic

this is dedicated to my bby @allyreynclds because she loves high school fics and highkey the biggest kitty stan I know other than myself :) also @dru-and-ash because there may be some morgendale and morgenthorn/drash and I know you love them

this is kinda long?? if 1.7k words is long… anyways I hope you’ll enjoy I stayed up till 1am doing this (don’t be mad riana)

Kit was pulling his books out of his locker stuffing them in his backpack as they fell out of his locker and into his bag, he was in a rush and was going to be late to class. “Kit I know you’re in a rush but treat your books kindly,”

Kit sighed looking up into the green eyes that belonged to Ash, “Ash I know you care about your books but these will just be thrown out at the end of tomorrow.” 

He slung his backpack over his shoulder grunting at its weight, “C’ mon Ash you don’t want to be late to class do you?”

Ash shook his head, his face serious. ”Talking about it almost being the end of the year…” Kit shot Ash a look but that didn’t stop him, “You should talk to Ty and stop fawning over him from the other end of the hall or classroom or cafeteria.”

Kit said something muffled under his breath before repeating it so Ash could hear, “Ash you know I don’t want to put my feelings out there and what if he doesn’t reciprocate them.” He took a deep breath steadying his breath his heart beating a million miles a minute, “And I’m not fawning over him…” Ash gave him a look, “Okay maybe I am. just a little.”

“Yeah sure just a little,” Ash mused a small smile on his face as he pushed the door to the classroom open. Almost immediately Ash’s eyes went to Dru in the back corner of the room.

“Any luck with her?” Ash just shook his head, his shoulders drooping just a little. Kit put a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll put in a word for you with her, but for now it looks like there is an open seat at the back next to her.” Ash looked up and smiled slightly, “It’s almost the end of the year make a move Morgenstern.”

Ash nodded rolling his shoulders a new found confidence in his stance. “Thank you, Kit.”

Kit waved his hand, “It’s nothing.”

The two were interrupted by a cough from Ms Wrayburn, Kit shot a smug smile in her direction, “Taking my seat now Ms Diana.” 

Diana just simply raised her eyebrows as Kit took his seat before smiling ever so slightly, “Let’s get this class started then shall we.”

Kit began pulling books out of his backpack before realising he had forgotten a pen, no he hadn’t. He looked towards the back of the room to see Ash holding his pen grinning.

Kit turned to the person next to him, “Hey can I borrow a― “ He stopped right in the middle of his sentence. Ty.

Ty turned towards him with what looked like a question in his eyes, “Borrow what?” Oh that voice, his eyes, his everything. Kit was at a loss for words.

Ty’s heart had begun racing when Kit had sat down beside him and when he had started to ask to borrow something he got nervous. He hid the nerves in his voice with curiosity.

Kit managed to stammer out some words, “A, uh pen if you have one to spare.” He inwardly cringed at how broken his words were.

Ty rummaged in his bag for a moment before pulling out a pen, “Of course.” He handed the pen over to Kit. As Kit reached for the pen their hands brushed for a slight moment before Ty quickly drew his hand back, “Don’t break it Herondale.” His voice sounded steady but he felt like he was on fire, Kit’s touch sparking something in his heart.

Kit felt like Ty’s touch had jump-started his heart. He nodded numbly turning back to Diana at the front of the classroom. But he couldn’t focus on a word that Diana said, his mind was fully on Ty.

When the end of class had neared Kit had barely noticed other than Ty silently taking the pen off of his desk and hurrying out of the room. He also spotted Dru hurrying after Ty. Moments later Ash came up a huge smile on his face.

“Guess what?” Kit didn’t even try to guess he just started putting his books in his bag but he raised his eyebrows in question. “Dru and I are going on a date tomorrow night, a date Kit.”

That made Kit look up surprise clear on his face, he stood up and wrapped his arms around Ash. “Great, I still can barely get a word out around Ty but hey, at least you have a date with the only girl you’ve ever looked at.”

“TyTy, Ty! Wait up!” Ty slowed down hearing his sister’s voice and waited for her to catch up. Dru caught up and continued breathlessly, “I saw Kit sat next to you.”

Ty blinked, “Yes, Kit Herondale sat next to me and Ash Morgenstern sat next to you, how do you feel about that.” Dru’s fingers were fiddling with the string on her pants.

“About that, I have a date. An actual date with Ash.” Ty smiled at Dru’s nervousness, no one made his sister as nervous as that boy. “Now onto you.”

Ty blinked, “Me?”

Dru nodded, “You and Kit, when will you make a move he is head over heels for you, you literally make him speechless.” Ty looked surprised, the look of I do? written all over his face. Dru giggled.

Ty started to fiddle with the cable on his headphones, the only signs of nervousness he outwardly showed. But inwardly his heart was racing and he wanted to make a move, he really did.

“How about you write a note and slide it into his locker.” Dru patted Ty’s shoulder grinning, “You can do it.” She whispered before disappearing down the hallway.

Ty took a deep breath pressing a piece of paper against the wall and began writing, Kit…

When Ty had finished writing the note he quickly slid the note into his locker letting go of a sigh, it’s been done, time to face reality and see if Dru was right.

Kit and Ash had separated when Ash had said he needed to go to the bathroom, Kit had nodded and said he wanted to rid himself of the weight of the books.

Kit wandered over to his locker dropping his backpack on the ground with a thud. He quickly put in his combination and the locker door swung open a small piece of paper fluttering out. Kit raised his eyebrows and stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket.

He quickly stuffed the books in his locker and jammed the door shut. He sighed sinking down onto the floor, sweat forming on his brow. Too. Many. Books. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the paper and unfolded it.

Kit,

You make my soul feel alive. No one has ever made me feel this way, I have never felt so alive even from the brush of just our hands touching. I think we should talk about it.

~Tiberius Herondale Blackthorn

Kit couldn’t breathe, his heart was racing and so was his mind. Eventually, he figured out how to breathe and he reread the note over and over. During the time Kit was rereading the note Ash had sat down beside him and waited silently for Kit to finish.

After a few more minutes passed Kit looked up and wordlessly handed the note over to Ash. Ash quickly read the note and a grin spread across his face. “Go find your boy and talk to him, Herondale.”

Kit grinned and nodded, giving Ash a quick hug before hurrying down the hallway towards the cafeteria.

Ty was sitting with Dru in the cafeteria, the gross looking food sitting in front of them. “I’m proud of you, Ty. You did good.”

Ty sighed, his hands fidgeting, “You mean, you did well.” Dru just rolled her eyes before smiling.

“Look who’s coming over, I’m gonna make myself scarce.” She ruffled his hair smiling before disappearing into the cafeteria crowds.

Ty took a deep breath as Kit approached.

Kit watched as Dru had disappeared and could guess her intention, “Is this seat taken?” His voice sounded hoarse as he gestured to the one next to Ty.

Ty hid his gulp and nodded, “Yes, uh I mean no. It can be taken by you though.” He mentally facepalmed, how lame did he sound.

Kit hid his smile and sat down beside Ty, “So you wanted to talk?”

Ty nodded, “Dru said that you were apparently head over heels for me, her words not mine but are you?”

Kit nodded silently, “Though Ash would call it fawning. Those two really are perfect for each other.” Kit sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ty cracked a smile, “They really are.”

Kit’s smile was reflected in Ty’s face, “So…”

Ty lifted his fingers to Kit’s lips, “Sh, just let me see your smile.” That made Kit’s eyes light up and his face went bright pink which made Ty smile.

“Are you sure, we haven’t done much talk―” Ty gave up trying to reason with words so he moved forward in one fluid motion and pressed his lips against Kits.

Kit’s eyes widened before he leant into the kiss his eyes closing as he brought his hand up to cup Ty’s face, Kit felt like he was on fire and that every cell in his body was awake. Ty ran his hands through Kit’s hair before letting them rest on the back of Kit’s neck.

Eventually, the two pulled apart and Kit had a huge smile plastered to his face and Ty’s face the mirror to Kit’s.

Kit looked over Ty’s shoulder to see Ash reluctantly handing over a $20 bill to Dru who was grinning in their direction. “I think your sister and my friend made a bet on whether we would kiss, Ash, lost it looks like.”

Ty laughed which made Kit move his full attention to Ty once again, “We should do it again, it was nice.”

Kit balked, “Just nice?” 

Ty nodded, “I think we need to set a date to turn this from nice to amazing.” Kit smiled and gently took Ty’s hand in his own, finally Kit felt like he belonged and he never felt more alive.

[lesbeet]

long post ahead

ive been thinking nonstop about the possibility of me having adhd since my sister and her boyfriend brought it up to me last week (i’m FINALLY seeing my therapist today so we can talk about it) and i’ve been doing a lot of research and i found the howtoadhd channel on youtube

and literally the number of times in the past 2 hours alone that i’ve teared up or started legitimately crying because of how much i relate to things that these videos are saying is ridiculous, like some of them are word-for-word things i’ve said that i had NO inkling of an idea could be related to adhd

like this one video of this guy who was diagnosed at 43 and said that prior to his diagnosis he had just accepted that he would feel dissatisfied for his whole life, that he would never feel content, i’ve been saying that for YEARS and just was resigned to it and chalked it up solely to my depression

and just like. having been able to do well in school as a kid but constantly being told that i’m “not living up to [my] potential” and now that i’m in my early 20s and my intelligence can’t compensate for like....not being able to regulate my emotions and not being able to organize my life and not being able to motivate myself to do things, which is supposedly why a number of people get diagnosed around this time, because metrics for success are different in adulthood (you can’t just take a test and rely on being smart to compensate for all the other problems), and i was always just. thinking that i fucked up and wasted my life through laziness or whatever the case may be

i’ve always considered myself to be “crafty” and “resourceful” in the sense that i may not go about doing things in the typical way but i can almost always find a way to accomplish what i need accomplished, even if it’s unconventional -- apparently that’s common with adhd too! like i’ll say “oh i couldn’t figure out how to do [x] so i did [y and z]” and someone will be like “why didn’t you just do [thing everyone else does]” and usually i either couldn’t figure out how, or it didn’t occur to me, and my way was weird and unconventional, but it worked for me!

and then of course i’m just recognizing all these signs that have always been there that i either didn’t notice or attributed to other things -- i’ve been trying to observe the way my attention functions this week and literally i space out and miss things SO much more often than i ever realized, like i miss so much information because i’ve drifted off. or i get really stuck on things in conversations and even after everyone else has moved on i have this urge to bring it back so i can say that last thing i’ve been rehearsing over and over for the past 5 minutes so i didn’t forget it, and now it’s in my head and everyone is talking about something else and it’s SO inconsequential but i have to forcibly drag myself away from whatever the thing is (yesterday my sister and her friend and i were talking about early 2000′s fashion and i wanted to make a comment about wearing ugly scarves as belts and they saw a dog and moved on to talking about cute things our dogs have done and i just couldn’t stop thinking about the scarves as belts thing for like 10 minutes until i just had to sigh and be like...well i can’t bring that up again now)

when i was younger i would rush through tests so i could go back to whatever book i was reading and i just thought it was a silly quirk like “oh i just like to read lol” but i realized i still do similar things -- if i’m reading a book or watching a show or working on something, THAT is what i’m doing. anything else, whether it’s work or sleep or eating or hanging out with a friend or fulfilling any sort of responsibility? that’s a break from the thing i’m doing. if i’m reading a book, even if it’s the 3rd time i’m rereading harry potter for the year, for example, then in my head, i’m reading harry potter. i have to go to work all day but then i can read harry potter. all i’m doing is thinking about reading harry potter. i rush through my responsibilities so i can go BACK to reading harry potter, because that’s what i’m doing and anything else is just taking a break from reading harry potter. (you see how this can negatively affect the accomplishment/fulfillment of important tasks and responsibilities)

and my sister has pointed out things that i didn’t really notice, like she said it’s really difficult to hold a conversation with me when i’m excited about something because i can’t calm down enough to let the other person talk. and i’ve always known that i tend to finish peoples’ sentences for them during conversations, which i always thought was a way of showing that i’m listening! but ive realized it’s actually that, if i already know what you’re going to say, and you’re saying it too slowly, i get impatient and i need to blurt out the rest for you so we can move on and i can say my next thing before i forget it

and like obviously all people experience some symptoms some of the time, daydreaming isn’t exclusive to adhd, neither is walking into a room and forgetting what you’re doing there. but this week as i’ve been paying attention, i notice i do it CONSTANTLY. the other night i opened up my phone before bed because i remembered i hadn’t set my alarm, so i picked it up from where i place it for the night (i was about to go to sleep). 15 minutes later i put my phone back down and decided to turn in for the night again, and then realized i still had never turned the alarm on because i got distracted and did other stuff. and things like that happen with almost comical regularity, now that i know to look for it.

i’ve known i have executive dysfunction issues for a long time so i won’t go into those, but like we’ve known i have problems with directions and organization and spatial processing and knowing how to complete tasks for a long time

the rejection-sensitive dysphoria is something i didn’t really realize was part of adhd, but it makes SO much sense. i think it’s part of why i thought i had bpd for a while, because a lot of the symptoms were similar and i knew i was dealing with something more than just depression and anxiety but didn’t know what, and a lot of the symptoms i experienced also seemed to fit the bpd diagnosis even if my actual behavior and personality didn’t seem to

there are so many more things i’ve noticed this week and thought about differently but i literally can’t remember what they are lmao i think i’m gonna try to write stuff down so i don’t forget to tell my therapist today but like. 

so many of these things i didn’t realize had anything to do with adhd, like emotional dysregulation, i’ve always known i have horrible mood swings and trouble regulating my emotions, i’ve always noticed a lot of these different symptoms but it never occurred to me that they could all be part of the same thing??

like i haven’t been tested or diagnosed yet and i’m worried i’m getting carried away but the only time i’ve ever felt this sort of relief was a few months ago when realizing my dad is a narcissist. like the feeling of “oh my god, i knew this was something i experienced but i didn’t think i could attribute it to anything” and “oh my god, this is word for word something i say all the time, i didn’t realize it was part of a pattern”

and it genuinely made me cry! hearing people talk about things that describe me that i never would have guessed might have to do with adhd, finding something that seems to encompass a very broad range of symptoms that i previously thought were unrelated or results of a myriad of things (and obviously they all play off of one another but that’s a whole separate issue)

but it would explain so much of my behavior and challenges -- why i struggle with finishing up a task or project once the big, complicated part is done; why i get super obsessed with something and then once it wears off i never mention or think about it again; why i’ve always needed my mom’s help to clean my closet or pack for a trip, even though i felt like i was way too old to need help with that; why people constantly are like “i know you heard me say this because you said ‘ok’” about things i genuinely have no recollection of

but i just can’t stop thinking about that guy talking about how he was just resigned to thinking he would never been satisfied or content with his life because that is something i have been feeling and saying FOREVER, for years ive just been like “everything is so hard, the idea of spending the rest of my life struggling to get up in the morning and going to work every day, dealing with all my responsibilities, i feel like i’m exhausted and underwater just thinking about it, i’m never going to feel fulfilled or satisfied, it’s always just going to be slogging through my responsibilities and it’s never going to end” and apparently that’s....a normal thing, and i just thought it was depression and maybe part of it is, but maybe the reason i struggle so much with those every day things is because my brain is wired differently?

and maybe i’ve fucked up because at this point i think i’ll be really disappointed if i don’t get the diagnosis because i’m not really sure what else could explain these issues, it certainly makes sense and i feel like it fits and i feel relieved just thinking about having that answer, and it certainly negatively impacts almost every aspect (if not every aspect) of my life. so like if i don’t get diagnosed idk what i’m gonna do and i probably fucked up by spending the last week obsessing over it lol

but like....the relief i feel every time i read or hear or see someone with adhd say “i experience [x]” and i’m like holy shit??? me too???? and it just. feels like maybe there’s an explanation for all this horrible dissatisfaction and unhappiness i thought i was going to be stuck with for the rest of my life, and there are other people who experience these things and there are things that can be done, medication and therapy and strategies and...my whole life doesn’t NEED to feel like a challenge, maybe it’s not an indisputable fact that i’m just going to have to live with forever.

if you read this far and you have adhd (especially if you were diagnosed after childhood) i would love to hear your thoughts on this, obviously i didn’t list every single symptom and experience and i know there are more but these are all i could think of at the moment, if i seem like i’m way off base obviously please let me know

[fireheartblackthorn]

SPOILER REVIEW OF LORD OF SHADOWS

* This is my second time reading Lord of Shadows

STARTED: 12/01/19 FINISHED: 21/01/19

I have so many feelings, probably too many feelings on this book and I gotta get them off of my chest, holyyyyyy. All I’m saying is that I would sacrifice myself to save the Blackthorn family, they deserve the entire freaking world, I adore this series so much. Honestly one of my favourite series I’ve ever read, it still doesn’t beat TID (Cassie Clare went above and beyond on that trilogy) but its deFINITELY UP THERE. These characters, this plot, everythinggggg about this damn book got me. I have bookmarked and sticky-noted specific parts of the book that hit me right in the feels ( Both gOOD AND BAD EMOTIONS) and here they areeeeee!!

THINGS I LIKED (in particular):

* Christina, Mark and Kieran’s relationship. I was a sucker for Mark and Kieran in lady midnight + was super conflicted about mark falling for christina but woahhhh is it weird to ship them all together?? Lol idc, i still do. They all just fit together, so nicely. Ngl I’m low-key worried about whats going to happen to Kieran, I feel awful for him. Now that he know’s the truth, and he didn’t even testify but he’ still being hunted by the unseelie court, he can’t return to faerie nor can he stay in Idris and he wants things done with Mark. That gets me!!! I love how Christina is able to calm both of these angsty faerie boys ;)

* The low-key (but kinda not even low-key) throwbacks to TID and Will’s generation (JUST ALL OF THE WILL + Jem bits). I love how Clare kept referring to Jessamine in the London Institute, and the small will bits. No character as ever affected me the same way will herondale has, and how Kit was talking about “some idiot called will” who wrote in all the first editions and how Emma was looking at a picture of jem and will together. I feel like i’m dying whenever their relationship is mentioned. When tessa was advising Emma on getting someone to stop loving you, I just realised she was referring to what Will tried to do in TID. :( Alsooo, um how tf is Bridget still alive!!!!!!! She’s actually ancient and I’m confusedddd. When Bridget giggles at the plate of scones + she’s thinking of Sophie and Gideon aw

* Gwyn Ap Nudd! (+ Diana’s relationship) Those two have single-handedly made me believe in love. I love how Gwyn Ap Nudd may be the ancient leader of the wild hunt and yet he’s still a good “man” who shows kindness to Mark, and has honour. I wish everyone was like Gwyn. My favourite part of this freaking book was Gwyn being all cute and shy to Diana when he asks her on a date. Adorable!

* Diana’s back story. She deserves the entire freaking world, I hope she’s able to sort it out with the clave, I don’t want it to be used against her in the future. And I’m so glad she found someone like Gwyn who likes her and doesn’t care that she was born in a man’s body.

* The gayness in this book + the LGBTQ+ representation. We loving raging bisexuals, lesbians, gays, pansexuals + transgender peeps. AND I STAN A WOKE AUTHOR

* Lol all I could think of when kit, ty and livvy went to blackthorn manor was how it was originally the lightwood’s house and thus the worm house. All that was going through my head was HAH ITS THE WORM HOUSE

* Freaking mark + kieran’s language, + post-faerie talk + actions (if that makes sense). Like when Mark was staring distrustfully at the garden gnome, equally parts hilarious and cute

* Emma’s talk, easy-going nature: she reminds me of will lowkey and wow I’M CRYING AGAIN. Her ability to difuse tension in situations and her wit made me enjoy this book so much more. Maybe she even reminds Jem of his parabatai aw.

* TIBERIUS BLACKTHORN AND CHRISTOPHER HERONDALE AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE END

* The poetry that was Julian’s feelings and words towards Emma. It was beautiful, and he’s such a soft boi. Especially when he talked about how they were made from the same stardust, how freaking adorable!!

THINGS I DISLIKED:

* How believable it was that the cohort was plausible and full of facists and bigots, I bloody hated Zara Dearborn (to the point of swearing at my book). Its too realistic that a group like that can exist within the nephilim, and how it can exist in the real world. I read fantasy books to escape reality, and suddenly I feel so attacked by these characters. If I wanted this bullcrap I’d just read the news omg. (how do you make me feel this way cassandra)

* People (namely bridget) being rude to my girl Dru about her weight, she cute and curvy

* Dru lying to Jamie about her age, well not exactly lying but hiding it from him. I kind of just wish she had let him know who she was. I mean I get that she wants to be treated like an older person and not as a baby but ughhhh.

* FREAKING LIVVY DYING OFC AND PUTTING HER LIFE ON THE LINE LIKE THAT. I knew this part was coming and yet I still sobbed and dampened the pages with my freaking tears. I know that it was in Livvy’s nature to stand up and go to help her brother like that, but it doesn’t make it any better. Ty’s reaction as well, after he just agreed to be her parabatai. It was just after their family got reunited also :(. It kills me that to Julian its like he’s lost his own daughter, his baby sister and when he was cradling her and calling out for her to wake up :((((((( But then I think of how Livvy said that legend has it, when the clock chimes the hour the gates of heaven open for a moment. Livvy died when the clock chimed the hour + now I know that she’s up there at peace

* The fact that at the ending, Kit still doesn’t know what’s happened to Livvy, he just thinks something bad has happened in the chamber

* NOW THAT I’M REREADIng I know that Julian thinking about future life watching everyone growing up with Emma by his side is not gonna happen bc livvy is dead and it cuts my heart out at the hope he has that his family will be happy and reunited and safe

* I thought at first that Christina was a pretty boring character, kind of there to be able to patch up the loose ends and hold the team together but in hindsight, she’s pretty freaking incredible and I think this book more so shows that off and her qualities, than Lady Midnight does. It's a freaking talent to be that understanding and empathetic, her ability to do that beyondddd impressed and shook, kind of like how Keiran is feeling about her

* I don’t like hOW MUCH I FEEL sorry for Malcolm, He was so warped and caught up in his love, his need for vengeance, his hate and grief to be able to mourn Annabel, let go of the past and move on. I mean I’d have a pretty tough time doing that too but how his love for her eventually killed him was so awful. I couldn’t believe it the first time I read that part.

* How Annabel killed Robert, his death was like meh at first, okay. But at the same time, Alec’s reaction broke my heart + he was going to help Emma and Julian!! I don’t know if he had the time to start preparing for her exile but probably not and now the next inquisitor probably won’t react the same way

STILL 5/5 OVERALL, I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH.

[poppymadness]

💖 HQ, Knb, All Out, Free, BNHAand DnA I think you watched at least a little bit of it, didn't u? And since I know who some of your favorites are already u can just rant about why u love them

@naturalpeaches said:💖 can i be an ass and say twdg even tho ik the answers p much OH the last kingdom. bring it to ur blog amber. talk about it. accept it.

💖 listen those 2 weren’t enough. give me the raven cycle. give me the foxhole court. give me six of crows. giVE ME CRIMINAL MINDS HAAAAA BITCH. why not throw the 100 in there too. also talk abt ur boo in the sun is also a star. give him some lovin

💖 N A R U T O

hope it’s cool just to throw ya both in here bc i’m lazy

haikyuu: (3) kuroo tetsurou - iiiiiiiiiiii fucking love kuroo sO much, a huge tall not so dumb dumbass god. i don’t know what to say dfkhka i fuckin Love him thanks dude. i nEVER FORGET THE FUCKIN LAUGH GOD FUCK FOR FUCKS SAKE skjfd. whenever i get in Kuroo Moods they last SO long i can’t get a break. and gamer au kuroo is killer it’s too good. listen he’S A BIG FOOL and i LOVE him want the best for him bc he’s great, good, good dude. i also rlly fuckin love terushima man ooooo my god, imagine him and kuroo bein buds hORRIBLE

kuroko no basket: (1) kiyoshi teppei - mY BOY KIYOSHI AAAAA. hE’S EVEN T A L L E R mmmm 6′4″ the fuck mann. we know my love for this dumbass i love him so so muuch fuck. thought it was kuroko at first, bitch no. I LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW I LOVED HIM TILL AFTER I FINISHED THE WHOLE SHOW. like, just, the more i saw stuff involving him the more i was like ooo no no waiT i LoVE HiM i screamed when he showed up in the second opening when we rewatched it oooommggggg. he’S SO GOOD I HOPE HIS KNEE IS HEALED I HOPE HE GETS TO PLAY BASKETBALL AS A LIL SIDE HOBBY OR SOMETHIN HOPE HE’S FUCKIN HAPPY!!!!! whY DOES HE SELF-SACRIFICE SO MUCH BOY OOO MY GOD WHEN HE REALIZED THE TEAM GOT HIS BACK TOO BITCH HE SO CUTE. mmmmm  i love hiiiiim bois. also love akashi i keep finding it funny ur intimated by him cj

all out: (4) ebumi masaru - i can’t. i can’t explain why i love him oR WHY HE’S SO HIGH A FAVE GOD. this whole fandom is like Those Thighs and make ebumi all about fuckin sex like what a Tough Boy like yA HE BUYS (rents? whatever) PORN THAT’S FUCKIN SO FUNNY TO ME BUT MMMM he. more. i nevER STOP THINKIN BOUT THE EP WITH ISE THAT EMO SHIT DO U SEE HOW MUCH EBUMI CARES BOUT HIS FRIEND GOD Fuck. like yeah, just take the money. this is what was left for me but idc here take it u need it i stg season 2 better be in the works i want more of his backSTORY. oh hE FUCKIN BLEACHES HIS HAIR WHAT A PUUUUNK, HE TRAINS SO HARD HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT RUGBY GETS P I S S E D WHEN PPL HALF-ASS IT LIKE?? FAIR ENOUGH. OH THETY ACTUALLY DREW HIS HAIR DOWN RIGHT ADJHF A OoO FUCK TAHT. i’m good it’s cool alright bye gion, raita & ise are my best friends thank

free: rin matsuoka - i. thought it was nagisa at first. i wanna cry fuckin nagisa jesus. good boy but hell no. rin?? is so sweet i’m sorry fuckin flew haru to australia & shit he’s so good i love him. i gotta do this i’m srry FUCK whoever thinks rin would be abusive with haru thx. i havE A RIN POSTER G O D

boku no hero academia: todoroki shouto - i literally didn’t have a fave in this show until one (1) specific episode in season 2 with him. thought i was gonna live forever not having a fave in this show. i had actually been growing to like him and was like No, i told myself to not like him bc he’s so popular hdkfa. and then that ep came and i was like,,,oof i Love him, love love love what a goOD BOY. he’s…so cute..comin to terms with his powers still can’t get over he interned with his dad he just…..wants to improve…is improving…..so good.

daiya no ace: ? - ok, i never developed a fave while watching it, at least not where i got to. i don’t even remember where i stopped oof that’s bad. but i had thought at that time that i rlly loved chris?? eijun is precious, i fuckin love him. miyuki is great i love him too. also really loved kuramochi?? so if i had continued i think it would’ve been one of em.

the walking dead game: kenny, luke, clem, gabe - pls don’t make me choose… kenny…tried his hardest to be good, worked his ass off till the last moment to improve himself and didn’t get the redemption he deserved. that man is good, he was just pushed to his max and couldn’t get back down. luke, luke is a sunshine boy who was too good for the world, a positive outlet could make anyone happy, did his best, didn’t deserve to die. cleM MY BADASS B A B Y HAS GROWN SO MUCH I LOOOOVE HER AND CAN’T WAIT FOR HER HAPPY ENDING TELLTALE YOU FUCKS I AM BEGGING YOU1!! gabe…annoyed me at first…stole my heart….just a boy thrown into the apocalypse tryin to be happy…he’s doing his best, he’s learning, truly not such a brat as assholes make him out to be. nick my boy i’m so sorry i would’ve included you ur so close

the last kingdom: uhtred & alfred - i love uhtred the godless and king alfred of wessex very much indeed. uhtred is just a wreck honestly, this danish bro got a lot goin on he just wants the land he deserves i just say he’s bein greedy, go be happy under alfred’s rule i still love u tho uhtred u dumbass. alfred! got the peace he wanted! i love alfred so much he wants to be a king without war unless he’s not given the choice, cares about his family so much, afraid he’ll be punished for the crown that’s not rightfully his own. alfred is so good, i love this man.

the raven cycle: (5) adam parrish - mmmmmmm what a good boy. an important boy, a very much loved boy. iiiii hate havin his pov sometimes, some relatable things in there, i love him so much. he’s not. his father. thanks. gotta say that a lot wanT HIM TO KNOOOOOOOW. he’s so good he’s improving himself he’s doin it!! go adam!! goD ASHLETY I KEEP THINKING OF THINGS YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN TOOOOOOOO. mmmm it’s ok to still be stuck and to have bad days he doesn’t have to get over it right away!! it’s not somethin that’ll just be over!! dhfad smALL STEPS my boy i love u…. all bc, he…legally free (tryin not to spoil dfhjdaf).. don’t mean he has to be over it…take ur time adam. i’m thinkin of the emo thing in trk fuck wrong devil dkhfad. i just wanna cry he’s so good worth so much ronan & i will fight any and all fucks who wanna Go. i!! love him!! he deserVES TO FEEL LOVED AND TO FEEL HOW TO LOVE MMMM COOL i’m gonna stop i’ll just repeat myself - i just thOUGHT OF THE ‘FUCK YOU GANSEY’ WOW FIRST BOOK FUCK B YE

the foxhole court: …andrew minyard… - idk man?? it’s so lowkey?? it’s chill i literally don’t even have anything to say. nicky, neil & dan are my squad love em.

six of crows: jesper fahey - idk what fuckin bitch ass mood i had to be in when i read soc but if i wasn’t in it jesper would totally have been my fave. i wouldn’t take him away from wylan anyways (statement kiiinda counts for the two aforementioned also whoop). jesper?? deserves the world, but so does everyone else they all deserve the world even u bitch ass brekker who would not deal with my bullshit ever. 

criminal minds: aaron hotchner - god ashley screw off askin me for cm. love hotch, would die for him, too good of a guy.

the 100: bellamy blake - is a fuckin whore. iiiiiii love bellamy so much. bitch ass goes from a punk i hated to a good dude to a punk ass influenced by some huge ass prick dick and then struggles with himself for the next season and will now hopefully feel a bit better at least for gods sake. all bc you’ve done bad things doesn’t mean ur bad bell… i still never get over fucking pike taking advantage of him when he was vulnerable fuck off i just want him to feel better!! take responsibility but don’t let it push you down fucking get up!! you’ll get up!! mmm he’s so good he just wants to make everything right but clarke makes everyTHING FUCKIN GO WRONG. i just…not everything is excusable but he can make up for it he will and he’s worth it,,,, people gotta forgive him at some point he’s trying his hardest to make up for everything and he keeps beating himself on it mmmmdfahdf i love him

the sun is also a star: daniel jae ho bae - idk what to say about him ashley god fuck. he’s so cute though?? what a cheesy dude. ugh literally so cute i gotta reread it

naruto: kiba inuzuka - what a prideful ass i fuckIN LOVe him thx. i mean i was fuckin doomed from that start he has best boy akamaru & fuckin has a jutsu where he turns into a wolf?? and his fuckin mom and sister have wolves?? doomed before i even fuckin knew it. he’s soooo cute, never take his fuckin hoodie off idk what’s cuter him trying to look tough in that hoodie that everyone literally thought was hair or havin the hoodie off and showin his actual hair that somehow makes him cuter,,, what’S HORRIBLE IS THE LEATHER JACKET OR WHATEVER IT IS HE WEARS IN SHIPPUDEN fuckin idiot. imagine him as hokage i can’t believe he wants to be hokage it’s so funny i’m sorry kiba i’ll support u just give me a minute to catch my breath. guys he’s just so cute, trains so hard, he’s so good i love him enthusiastic boy

[lilbreck]

AGoT Chapters 14 - 18

If you want to follow along, I'm tagging my ASoIaF reading as tonya rereads asoiaf.

Chapter 14: Catelyn III

Catelyn is cracking. Her world completely stopped. Thankfully Robb is there to try and pull her back.

Sobbing, she pulled her hand free of his and covered her ears against those terrible howls. “Make them stop!” she cried. “I can’t stand it, make them stop, make them stop, kill them all if you must, just make them stop!”

I think this really highlights that, although she’s married to a Stark and her children are Starks, there is a part of them that she will never share. Much like Tyrion and the others, she seems to regard the direwolves with… trepidation.

Looking on the scene where the man comes to the tower to kill Bran and I have to believe that it’s not a coincidence that he almost slits her throat but she stops it. I knew that Bran’s direwolf would save the day, but I’m so glad that we see her fighting hard to live. I’m also very glad that, after her rest, she’s back to being the woman that Winterfell and her children need her to be.

Yeah, I have my issues with her, but I can’t help but love her as well.

Catelyn gave her firstborn a challenging look. “If you are to rule in the north, you must think these things through, Robb. Answer your own question. Why would anyone want to kill a sleeping child?”

While I love that she’s teaching him this now, this is shit they should have been teaching him from a young age. He’s the heir to Winterfell, he should have been trained. Again, I love Ned at Cat, but they’ve coddled their children too much.

I fucking love that Catelyn is figuring this shit out, but why wasn’t someone figuring it out while she was in her grief fugue? Why do they not have a paranoid asshole always suspicious? Okay, I’m not sure if this really earns the “fucking northern fools” tag, but the fact that Robb wasn’t trained does, so we’ll wave this one in as well.

I’d like to mention that Catelyn riding off to take care of shit fills me with joy. We know it’s not going to work, but I still love it.

Chapter 15: Sansa I

Age 11

Not gonna lie, I’ve been waiting for this chapter. It’s going to hurt, because I know what’s in store for her, but she’s still my baby. Granted, she starts out as a prissy, entitled, stuck up baby, but the Oompa Loompas had a song about where that comes from.

The septa was not appeased. “You’re a good girl, Sansa, but I do vow, when it comes to that creature you’re as willful as your sister Arya.” She scowled. “And where is Arya this morning?”

“She wasn’t hungry,” Sansa said, knowing full well that her sister had probably stolen down to the kitchen hours ago and wheedled a breakfast out of some cook’s boy.

I’d like to point out two things here: It’s obvious that the septa uses Arya as an example of how “bad girls” act in order to make sure Sansa stays in line. It’s possible that her mother does the same thing. You know what this does? Pits sisters against each other. However, Sansa still covers for Arya here, knowing that her septa would probably not look favorably on Arya’s actions. If Sansa really was a nasty bully like people claim, she would have relished the chance here to get her sister in trouble.

Reading this chapter it just drives home both how young both Sansa and Arya are and how sheltered. Sansa was raised to be such a proper lady and all of her septa and mother’s teachings seemed to have made her look down on anyone who was below her in station. And Arya doesn’t seem to realize that she can’t just get away with anything and everything.

One day she came back grinning her horsey grin, her hair all tangled and her clothes covered in mud, clutching a raggedy bunch of purple and green flowers for Father. Sansa kept hoping he would tell Arya to behave herself and act like the highborn lady she was supposed to be, but he never did, he only hugged her and thanked her for the flowers. That just made her worse.

This right there. They are traveling with the King and his family, but Ned doesn’t even try to reign in his daughter. This shit is part of what leads to everything going wrong, IIRC. Yet another subtle example of questionable parenting in the series. If you coddle your children, they’re headed for a world of pain.

This scene where Sansa is terrified by Ilyn Payne, notice that Lady reacts. This shows that Lady and Sansa were already bonded. Just imagine what that means for her losing Lady when they were already that close. I think, because Lady is lost so early in the series, people like to dismiss what that meant for Sansa. Of course, a lot of those people like to pretend that she’s not really a Stark at all.

I’m amused that Sandor was under the impression that he was the one who frightened Sansa. Did he not notice she was shaking and terrified before she turned around and saw him? Hell, he had to grab her shoulders before she turned around.

And then there comes Joffrey playing the part of the gallant prince. For a girl fed a steady diet of fairy tales and songs then told she would marry a wonderful prince, he had to have seemed like a dream. My poor baby. She does manage to find her feet, even feeling foolish, and pay a compliment to Cersei.

“I can answer,” Sansa said quickly, to quell her prince’s anger.

Even though she’s infatuated with Joffrey, she’s quick to want to head off his anger. Given that her father doesn’t seem one to fly off the handle, you have to wonder if she’s getting some sort of subconscious feeling that he’s temperamental and that’s not a good thing. Of course, this could just be a throw away line that means nothing.

He drew his sword and showed it to her; a longsword adroitly shrunken to suit a boy of twelve, gleaming blue steel, castle-forged and double-edged, with a leather grip and a lion’s-head pommel in gold.

I just wanted to put this here to compare it with how Robb was reprimanded the chapter before this:

“…Never draw your sword unless you mean to use it. How many times must I tell you, foolish boy?”

Yeah, I don’t think Joffrey was all that well trained either. When Sansa thinks to herself that “her prince would never love her if she seemed stupid” you really have to wonder this shit that everyone put into her mind when they were training her to be some lord’s trophy wife. Yeah, I’m bitter, what of it?

You remember when I said that Ned’s indulging of Arya helps lead to everything going wrong? The scene at the Trident is exactly what I’m talking about. Arya knows damn well they’ve been interrupted by the prince, but she yells at him like they were in the North and he was just another lord up there. Hell, she even starts throwing rocks at him. If Joffrey had killed Arya, I doubt a damn thing would have happened to him. And Sansa, who’s been fed on a steady stream of songs and fairy tales is no help as she yells at both of them that they’re spoiling everything.

I’m pretty sure that Nymeria saved Arya’s life here. I have no doubt that Joffrey would have killed her, and she was weaponless and backed against a tree. As soon as Arya attacked Joffrey, I’m sure Myca’s fate was sealed, and as soon as Nymeria attacked him, a direwolf was going to have to die.

When I finish this book, my wrap up post is going to talk about how this chapter shows the core of what character traits in both Stark girls that are going to be sharped, honed, and perfected for where I think their story will ultimately end up in the series.

Chapter 16: Eddard III

You know, all the people who claim that Sansa is the reason that Lady and Myca died…

What the fuck did you think her word would do?

Cersei was damn determined to have a pelt and Lady was the only direwolf around. Robert clearly didn’t give a fuck and, even if Sansa had sworn up and down that Arya was telling the truth, Cersei would have still demanded and Robert would have given in. And Myca was already dead.

Lady didn’t die as a punishment for Sansa’s imagined sins. She died because Joffrey was humiliated and Cersei couldn’t stand that. She died because Robert had no fucking backbone.

Man, I’m a fucking huge Sansa fan and even I don’t think she has as much power as some of her haters seem to think she has.

Chapter 17: Bran III

Okay, I’m a sucker for a good dream sequence and this opening one is fucking wonderful, IMO.

He saw Sansa crying herself to sleep at night, and he saw Arya watching in silence and holding her secrets hard in her heart.

Okay, I feel slow, but what secrets is he talking about here? Unless it’s about where she had Nymeria. If that’s not it, someone please let me know. I have more questions:

One shadow was dark as ash, with the terrible face of a hound. Another was armored like the sun, golden and beautiful. Over them both loomed a giant in armor made of stone, but when he opened his visor, there was nothing inside but darkness and thick black blood.

These three are, I’m assuming Sandor, Jaime, and the third I’m guessing is Gregor. Am I right in that? I mean, he’s a giant of a man and the “darkness and thick black blood” would fit with his death via Oberyn’s poison and the removal of his head.

As we go through this dream and see Bran realize that the Night King is coming and he’s told that’s why he has to live, remember this is a SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD. Sorry, my babies suffer so much.

“Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?” he heard his own voice saying, small and far away.

And his father’s voice replied to him. “That is the only time a man can be brave.”

Now, Bran, the crow urged. Choose. Fly or die.

Death reached for him, screaming.

Bran spread his arms and flew.

Yeah, I’m gonna be over here crying for a bit. Okay, I’ve got a scary confession. I can see an endgame for Arya, Jon, and Sansa after the battle with the Night King is over. I can see the roles they could play in the world after. I don’t remember seeing what role Bran would play, and that scares me. Because, what if he ends up like the three eyed raven?

Chapter 18: Catelyn IV

“…I had to beg Brandon to spare Petyr’s life. He let him off with a scar.”

How much of these books would be different if Brandon had just went ahead and killed him. Seriously, just think about it. You know how I said I wanted all the men around Daenerys impaled like Vlad did to his enemies? Petyr should be right there beside them, suffering because the damn pike didn’t go through his brain. I’ve got some damn feelings on this.

 That’s all I’m reading for tonight, but I’ll definitely be reading more tomorrow. Probably another ten chapters at least. A Jon chapter is next!