#I’m kinda in a limbo rn like

[sensitivegoblin]

Ramble

[oct0lightsquare]

May 17, 2023

I’m gonna shit myself

[psychoticwillgraham]

*talking about funerals with mom and sis for some reason*

me: ‘well y’all should just throw me in the dump bc I have no insurance due to being a constant suicide risk’

sis: ‘well then don’t fucking kill yourself because if you do, im not footing the 12k bill to bury you because suicide would be inconsiderate to us and wouldn’t deserve a burial. moms not allowed to pay either, so your ass is getting burned’

me: *through watery eyes* ‘ok :))’

[mstormcloud]

Yay!! More Sonic OC stuff hehe. These are just refs for them age wise. I’m gonna start working on more compete refs with turnarounds and stuff soon :)

Also! Rhine isn’t here, that’s becuase tbh he’s kinda in limbo rn - I know that fankids don’t really have to make sense with the characters in question (like many have pointed out - sonic and shadow would prob be shit parents or not want kids at all) but Rouge I think just…..would not want kids. So I’m thinking instead it’ll be more of a slow, accidental kid acquisition where Knuckles takes on a protégé to guard the Master Emerlad after him, and since Rouge visits so much they end up bonding. Rouge is more like funny aunt who visits every now and again than a mom, and Knuckles is more of a teacher than a dad, but they do have a silly little found family I think. I’m not sure if it’ll still be Rhine or if I ‘ll design someone else. Honestly I may reuse the idea / design for the Knuxilver fankid I made a bit ago cuz I really liked their design and concept. Who knows!

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[ratland-art]

so the mha manga finally ended and it was as mid as I was expecting (haha mid hero academia) but coincidentally I received the news on the same night I ranted to my friends about how I kinda popped off with this fanfic I uploaded to ao3 when I was bored in my senior year and basically what I’m saying is-

life is short and I can do whatever I want but I wanna make a webcomic (?) building off of those few chapters I posted using or like? reclaiming the characters as my own? I’ve seen some people literally just repurpose the designs/backstories as their own as a kind of “fuck you horikoshi” and that’s so based but idk if I wanna do that or do my own thing entirely.

because YES I agree wholeheartedly I’ve just never made a decision in my life and I won’t start now. (I will likely make my decision when I’m bored at work tomorrow, I just need to rant now lol)

like yes obviously I do have original ideas and designs I’d like to use but also so much of my original concept is rooted in the mha universe that it’d be difficult to have that degree of separation entirely? one of the most infuriating things to me about mha (aside from the obviously problematic elements) was the excellent concepts and horrible execution so part of this is just me going “fine, I’ll do it myself.”

if this gets enough attention I’ll spill more ideas but for now I’m eepy and just needed to scream into the void about the creative limbo I’m in rn

[localgardenweed]

Mega awesome HRE and Chibitalia art dump cause i’m on that high rn

These doodles are on my old AU I tried to make a game with friends for a gamejam but had to drop out but still forever haunt my mind begging to be made. I'm still figuring out a lot of the plot and ideas for the story i guess and playing with ideas and concepts of the world and characters. Mainly Death and Earth personified, since they're original creations ya know, especially Death cause they're kinda the antagonist. TLDR Whole plot of the story is that HRE is dying and Death was supposed to make it comfortable for him for giving peace of mind but they were sick and tired of it and kinda punished him for being a greedy power hungry little shit.

In these doodles they're supposed to be dancing together in a ballroom, the jig is up and Death is opening up to HRE and probably giving exposition, probably talk about how they were wrong to do that to HRE, why they lashed out and asking if he wants to do something before he takes his life for good. I have a few old doodles where I designed the dress and stuff, the scene was also drafted to still be in the dream world/ HRE unknowingly thinking this is reality so this was going to be his final moment before the big reveal and Death snapping. Was also gonna be a mini game maybe where you had to do a memory game to remember the steps

These are for when HRE finally discovers everything in the game/story was all just this dream world and he never got that closer with Italy or his brother and where Death gets frustrated and just has a whole rant about their true feelings about humans and the personified countries. The scythe is so shit im sorry. The dream world throughout the game keeps getting flooded with this black goo, which in reality is just this limbo space before a soul makes it to the afterlife, as Death has a harder and harder time keeping the world together and/or just to fuck with HRE and make him paranoid

Here is a alternative version where Death takes off the disguise, probably doing the same thing as the last one but ya know just a bit different. In my note I drabble the idea that the disguises are made with the help of Earth since death ya know kinda kills shit so they can't really create stuff, in this scene I also had a idea where (kinda gorey sorry) they even pull off the skin and hair to reveal their true skeleton form to HRE.

These were just fun doodles, played around with sketching with highlighter and going over in pen which was super fun. I also just wanted to draw Chibitalia, cause idk he's silly. These were kinda just warmups and experiments cause art block has been hitting like a TRUCK.

I hope one day I can still bring this idea to game form, maybe blow the dust off RPG maker or try to get a team together again to work on it but who knows. IN ANOTHERR LIFFEEEE I WOULD BE YOUR GIIRRRRLLLLLL

[hawkp]

I can't guarantee anything. But I might write a Kirk Bros fic because of you. Any ideas on what kind of thing would be the most fun and/or heartbreaking with that? (Again, no guarantees. I'm kinda flighty sometimes.) You've made me think more about them than normal, so if you need to yell about them, I may yell with you. (Sorry if this is too random, or annoying, or anything.😅)

So sorry but this answer might not make much sense. I have the stomach flu and just woke up from fourteen hours of sleep because I broke my fever. This is how I feel rn.

So if it doesn’t make sense please ask or message me for clarification. Everything below is just word vomit at this point.

ANYWAYS

NO NOT RANDOM I LOVE PPL YELLING even if it’s something I don’t know about. I just love when people are passionate about stuff.

I have like 30 WIPS sitting in my google drive so I totally understand you. I also started a Kirk Bros fic. It’s just a lengthy outline right now that starts right at the end of 2x10 and would end after the four Enterprise crew members are back on the ship and recovering (because everyone is going to be messed up as hell, especially La’an and I’m sure that someone will be dead in the show).

But these are some things I’ve thought about including in my WIP! Please feel free to run with them. Seriously, take them from me!

Disclaimer, in my fic I’m retconning Sam’s wife and kids from TOS because I haven’t found the SNW mention of her, which is apparently there somewhere, but I didn’t want to have to include the daddy dynamic of Sam’s character into it lol.

So first off, Pike doesn’t end up deciding if they’re pulling out, Una does. They only pull out far enough to not be in immediate danger, which is still against Starfleet orders, so they’d be breaking some regulation already and be in a wacky sort of limbo.

Then, how difficult it would be for Pike to tell Jim. I feel like he’d save him for last after contacting everyone else’s families… which I now realize those four have very little of. Jim would just know that something is wrong off the bat just from Pike’s face. He might even jump to the conclusion that Sam is dead and then the reality of his situation when Pike tells him ends up being so much worse. From there, Jim is dead set on joining them for a rescue mission, even if he has to break some regulations himself. Also at this point Christopher is a freaking mess ofc.

My biggest issue with writing the Gorn right now though is figuring out how to not have them immediately kill or do the dermal impregnation thing that’s going on with Batel, to the four of them and the settlers from the planet. I’m toying with the idea that the Gorn have been possessed by another entity. There’s an episode of Enterprise where some crew members contract a “silicone based virus” that was a whole separate species and I was thinking about trying to emulating that somehow.

I have a lot in my brain that happens between the exposition and the rescue but of course my whumpy ass had Sam being in the worst shape out of the group when they get back to the Enterprise. I think if I did go the infected Gorn route then the “virus species” will have been experimenting on Sam and he might be totally catatonic by that point and from there it would be blah, blah, blah recovery blah, blah. <- my brain literally cannot form a better sentence to communicate this rn

The actual first scene I wrote for the fic was Sam telling Jim about how picturing their childhood got him through everything that happened and specifically telling him the story about the first time he held him as a baby. Idk what kind of crack I was on that night but he ends it by telling him that he knew it was his job to take care of him as soon as he set his eyes on him. Did I write that because I’m the oldest sibling? What? No.

So anyways… yeah I have a lot of thoughts on this. And if you’d like to write something together I’m down for that too!

[clamsjams]

gonna try and enjoy the streams of the festival today, but i’m feeling kinda weird rn bc the smoke from the fires up in canada is covering ny rn, so it looks super weird and dim outside and it makes me feel like i’m stuck in limbo or something… hopefully the streams distract me enough

[i-sveikata]

Oh nooo please don’t let this A03 attack delay the graveyards update! Is there anywhere else it could be posted or shared…? I’m desperate D:

well i still have to do the editing of the chapter first and i usually do that when ive uploaded it to ao3 before posting it (something about it being in a slightly different format to my word doc makes it easier to catch spelling mistakes or other editing things ive missed on the final read through) but can't do that currently with ao3 down!!!!

i kinda dont really have anywhere else to post it tbh (or anywhere else id be willing to post it tbh) but i saw an update saying the people carrying out the ddos are trying to demand a ransom for bitcoin or something insane like that??? lol not sure of the veracity of that but if it turns out its down for more than a couple of days i might have to reassess things and maybe post it on tumblr or something idk.

sorry anon its a bummer i know!! but if it helps even if ao3 was up and running rn i wouldnt have been posting it tonight anyway. maybe tomorrow or the day after with how long the reread/editing takes me

hopefully we really arent stuck in limbo for too long with ao3!

[bonesandthebees]

Random Glass reactions pt 2

I can’t believe wilbur started having an oil metaphor right after the new fnaf game came out. it’s all coming together /j

(Sam cut himself off when his eyes landed on the Pythia. He pressed his lips into a thin line, before looking back at Tommy. “Well, Techno said you were going to stop by. He didn’t say anything about the Pythia.”)

Do you have something to say Sam?? 🤨🤨

I think I know exactly why Tommy got the vine tattoo but i’m getting very tired and less articulate. It’s kinda late as i’m writing this and I spent the entire morning and afternoon at the beach, and then the evening roller skating. (I was able to practice a couple tricks on skates though! Even though I failed limbo on like round three, and now my hips are probably bruised from falling a few times)

I love how you write sam sm

Tbh and Wilbur

Wilbur (Bee’s version) is one of my favorite wilburs

And sandduo

Have I ever mentioned how much I love sandduo

I loooove sandduo like lovelove love sandduo

Yeah i think i’m getting more tired lmao

(He understood. He wasn’t one of them.)

Oh Wilbur :(

(before he slumped back against the base of Kristin’s statue and let out a deep sigh.)

Do I dare hope for chrysanthemum duo

(He jumped, having forgotten that Techno didn’t go with Phil and Tommy.)

I DID TOO 😭😭

(Techno chuckled. “Mugshots. Nice.”)

HELPSHSHS i love how you write twinsduo, they’re so silly,, funny uncle/older brother with his life together and his cringefail loser dumbass wet cat of a younger brother/nephew

(“That government never did anything to help me,” Wilbur said, his chest heating up as anger warmed his veins. “There was never enough food—not in the group home or on the street. No one ever gave a single shit about me until suddenly everyone gave a shit about me, and then I was dragged to the palace and made into a pretty decoration. A caged pet to show off, but never to listen to.” Bitter laughter bubbled up out of his throat. “So take a wild fucking guess how I feel about the government, Techno.”)

YEAHHHHHHHHH GO OFFFFF YOU DESERVE THAT RANT

(The government and the institution of Clara that was tied to it had hurt him. It wasn’t a question.)

/oh my god/,,,, we are so far into healing, i’m so proud of him, this and that rant is such a huge step forward in terms of progress

Yay he’s wilb no pythia rn :)))

I keep accidentally misspelling words because my brain’s getting more sluggish, and then it takes me like three different tries to get them right 😭

(How useless She had been in preventing any of this from happening.)

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

SHDHSJDJSJHXJS

(Maybe it was his fault, but he fucking tried. It didn’t mean anything in the end though. It should’ve meant something, but it didn’t.

“This isn’t fucking fair,” Wilbur muttered, digging his nails into his palm. - “I think-” His voice broke, and he winced. “I’m angry with Her.”)

Screaming crying fainting dying he’s so

(2/2)

- 🪐

i know nothing about the new fnaf game is stopped keeping up with it ages ago but I had a lot of fun with the oil metaphor lol

sam being so subtly passive aggressive like bro chill out

bruised hips ouch :( sounds like a fun day though!!

ty!! i love writing sam tbh I don't write him a ton but he's got such a fun character voice to play with

uncle with his life together and his cringefail nephew god that's so true

ngl I didn't even think about writing that rant I just went into a bit of a haze and typed it out and then I stared at it like "do I want him to say all that" and then I was like "yeah I do he's ready for it" anyway I think glass!wil possessed me for a bit when I was writing that bit

this chapter had so much progress towards the end he's truly gotten so far from where he used to be

[biigiiiii]

Hey.

I think I want to come back on here, but I’m struggling with the thought of indulging in the privilege of using escapism that I have. My white western guilt is keeping me off tumblr and I’m kinda stuck in this limbo; where the world seems bleak and any joy I find is tainted now.

I also find guilt in enjoying my favourite comfort show that I based this blog around (Stranger Things, more specifically Byler), and it is also my current hyperfixation/spin. Usually these naturally fade out over time, but they both came to an abrupt end with Noah’s and Bret’s actions last week so I’m feeling kinda lost, and I have had people berating me for spiralling which has caused multiple meltdowns.

I’m not doing good, but I feel so bad saying that because how can I complain when I have food Water electricity and a roof over my head?

But my life is completely changed in the last few weeks and I’m struggling to adjust to this new reality without my crutches, with less people to talk to, living alone… I’m just existing day by day, and with my birthday recently and seeing the stranger things play, and other family members birthdays and Christmas/new year coming up I’m feeling so much expectation to be happy, or not to be a burden.

Idk I just wanted to write that down, idk what to do. I just sit watching the news feeling like the world is closing in on me each day, and I’m alone through it all.

I’ve felt like ending it on one occasion, and that kinda scares me. I’ve never actually legitimately considered what it would be like to do that, and even just to slightly entertain the idea is terrifying.

I’ve been reading fanfiction still, which helps me feel like I’m turning the volume down and it fades in to the background, but when I come back to reality it feels like being hit by a cold wave.

I have no appetite, any food just makes me feel nauseous, and I’m losing any interest in the things that I like. Sure I had a great time in London last week watching the play, but I felt this anger the whole time knowing Matt Ross and Shawn were there, and then I felt so upset that something I had looked forward to for so long was a little bit tainted. Didn’t help that afterwards people seemed to hate it, and it just feels like there’s so much negativity in the fandom rn. Also seeing the video of David talking about byler being unlikely just was part of the tipping point for me. Why does any of this even matter when people are dying, why do my feelings even matter.

Doesn’t help that I’m sick rn but idk. I’ve been inside for the past few days and only gone out when I have to, not really talked to anyone… if anyone can help, or just talk to me, I’d appreciate that ❤️

[moonflowerchanniesgirl]

Things I Would say to Stray Kids at a Fansign (Hyungline +Hyunjin)

I don’t think I’ll ever get to go to a stray kids fansign but these are some things I would say to them at this moment. I got too emotional so it’s just Hyungline and hyunjin for now. Warning: I feel like a lot of these are cheesy and emotional but I’m in that kinda mood rn.

CHAN

Hi Chan, how are you? This is going might be a bit cheesy and I apologize for that. I think you’ve done so well and you are still doing so well. You’re not perfect and you’re never going to be perfect at least not in the way that the voice in your head tells you to be. Maybe I’m overstepping but I want you to know that no one can be perfect and no one can be you either. You are amazing even with the flaws that you see in yourself. We don’t love perfection but we love you and will continue to love all the different aspects of what makes you… you. It’s okay to be imperfect and it’s okay to make mistakes and fail but you don’t have to shoulder everything yourself because no matter what we will be by your side. I know there’s only so much that we can do for you as fans but I just hope that you won’t have a hard time by yourself and you can take care of yourself. Make mistakes, continue to grow, eat well, try and sleep well and I hope that you will be happy and healthy more than anything else. I love you.

LEE KNOW

Hi Lee Know, how are you? I hope you don’t mind if I immediately say something serious? I have a lot of anxiety and am usually scared of interacting with people but I’m not scared of interacting with you. There’s a kindness and warmth in you that I know people like to joke isn’t there but I see it clearly. When I watch videos of Lee Know talking to stays I just get filled with so much happiness. There’s a shine in your eyes that shows how much you care about stays and how much you care about the members. I find your singing voice super soothing and Limbo is such a good song I really look forward to more from you. Please also keep sending videos of Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. I really love watching your vlogs, I love watching the world through your eyes and thank you for sharing that with Stays. Love you!

CHANGBIN

Hi Binnie! Is it okay for me to call you Binnie hehe? I laugh the loudest when you make a joke. You really have managed to cheer me up on days that are rough. You’ve brought me so much joy. Sorry I Love You is one of my favorite Stray Kids songs. The words you wrote touch me deeply and I wish we had time to just sit and talk about love and life. I wish I was more like you, more steadfast in beliefs, more about to joke around about myself, more able to be there for others. I often see you taking care of others but I hope you take care of yourself as well. Our Binnie really is the cutest member and honestly don’t worry about abs. We love you just as much with or without abs because you are so much more than just some muscles. Your personality shines so brightly even in comparison to the gleam of your arm muscles. Love you Binnie!

HYUNJIN

Hi Hyunjin! How have you been lately? I know you’re super busy with a lot of fashion stuff and I hope you’re getting enough rest. I feel like with every fashion event you’ve gone to you have completely taken the spotlight! To be honest in everything you do I feel like you take the spotlight. I know part of that is your natural charisma but part of it is how much effort and hard work you put into it. I love each art piece that you share because I love seeing the world through your artistic eyes. I really look forward to you having a fashion line collab in the future because the jacket you painted in the music video was just so awesome. Every part of you is just so amazing and so lovely. Please take care of yourself~ love you~

[facetsofthecloset]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Was tagged by @meteor--shards​, but tumblr tumblred and didn’t notify me at all! I just happened to see the post while scrolling luckily lol

(idk why this keeps happening even when people tag my main blog. should probably contact support about that >_>)

Were you named after anyone?

Yes, my first name came from my dad’s tai chi teacher’s wife. Which sounds like a weird random connection, but they were practically his second set of parents so, yeah.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. This morning? idk man i’m on an emergency trip back home at my parent’s place for mental health reasons i am not at my most resilient rn

Do you have kids?

As in actual kids I birthed myself, hell fucking no, but considering the age gap between me and my brothers I half-consider them my own kids in some ways.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Why no, never. Not at all. Not even the tiniest slightest bit. Perish the thought.

[^i’m lying for the bit] What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Uhh, never really thought about it, but if we’re meeting in person, probably their height?? Just because most people are taller than me so the first thing I have to do is crane my neck lol

If we’re talking about online, I only ever use tumblr, so probably their tags

What’s your eye color?

Brown. Pretty much black though.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, usually, because for a long time I was too wimpy for any kind of horror. In recent years I’ve really started getting into it but I still tend to go to media for happy endings because real life generates enough horror for me most days MY GOD what is happening with the chickens!?!

Sorry our flock of chicks was being really loud just now because one got separated by a thin concrete wall that was very echo-y lol (they’re fine now)

Any special talents?

Eh, dunno about that. My party trick used to be leaning over backwards really low (think, like, for playing limbo or Matrix bullet-dodging) without falling over or touching the ground, but the pandemic nuked my stamina and all physical ability, so I’ve just been in mild but constant pain for the past year or so.

I guess I’m decently quick at picking up the very basics of new creative mediums (paints or embroidery or whatever), maybe that counts.

Where were you born?

Japan. Oh dear that chick got separated again hang on

nvm it was a second chick that got separated earlier as well and was hanging around the kitchen door, which was why it was so loud. It’s fine and much quieter now.

What are your hobbies?

Writing and drawing mainly, but I’m the kind of person who has five million hobbies because I need to rotate between them to keep myself interested. So auxiliary hobbies include costume making (covers a lot of different hobbies honestly), swimming (in the ocean. and not like, proper forms and all that. just being in the water basically), parkour (can’t at present for physical condition), roller/ice skating (once again, not atm), started woodcarving the other day (kinda falls under costume making because i’m trying to make a wizard staff lol) and whatever else I feel like taking a stab at for one day and then maybe never again (I should try fencing. maybe when my back isn’t in constant pain)

Have any pets?

At my parent’s place, there’s a cat, a dog (both fairly elderly), bunch of half-wild chickens, various fish, and a tortoise (the kind that get big). Don’t keep any pets at my place because I travel back and forth too much and it wouldn’t work logistically.

What sports do you play/have you played?

Like on an official team/club? None, aside from parkour briefly. Otherwise it’s stuff I mentioned in hobbies that I learned either on my own or had a friend casually give me tips or something. My parents have been teaching me tai chi on and off through the years? Does that count it’s a martial art isn’t it I mean

How tall are you?

5′2″ is what I tell people. Technically I’m just a hair too short for that but it sounds defensive to say 5′1.8″ when I don’t actually care that much lol

Favorite subject in school?

Art, enjoyed the marine biology course I got to take in hs. Was good at English but never loved the way any of my teachers taught it. Technically my hs history class was my favorite but that was bc of the teacher and not the subject matter.

Dream job?

I’ve always wanted to be a fantasy writer, but I figure that can be a long term goal. For now, for a job that would sustain me? I would LOVE to be involved in theater costuming or even just grunt work in a production company. Something creative and silly. I’m considering applying to work at Tokyo Disneyland despite grievances with the company overall just because being in a themed environment every day and getting to see “behind the scenes” does sound fun. Even though I’m sure the work culture is probably horrible. idk something to do with costumes or practical effects would be amazing.

I also love bugs and animals but I have a harder time visualizing myself working in related fields there

I don’t have 15 active mutuals, but: @mariegoos, @vonlipvig​, or anyone else who wants to play, feel free! No pressure tho

Thanks for the tag! It was fun :)

[faffreux]

I guess russia is off the table for travel, what got you interested in the language?

Yeah, the original plan was to travel there and sign up with a university to study and do sort of an immersion program bc I knew that’s be the best way for me to learn a new language but yeah..,,, then everything this year happened. 😞

I met a sweet person from Russia in early 2021 before the awful stuff went down tho and they helped to further my interest in learning but in more depth the best way to answer is I am drawn to the northern places of the world (the colder the better) and am fascinated by most cultures and history surrounding the circumpolar north. I’d also looked into languages like Norwegian and Icelandic as well as possibilities prior and even some Alaska Native languages bc I met some incredible people up there (both Yupik and Inupiaq) who were kind enough to share their culture with me.

For me it was going to be another one of my crazy adventures and hopefully something that would give me interesting job opportunities in the future as well. I’ve always wanted to learn a second language so I kinda thought like, why not?

I was supposed to take local classes but that didn’t work out either due to there not being enough students to hold the course. So I’m kinda in limbo rn with that goal and I don’t expect I will learn much until I’m able to study more extensively than just having a textbook. I’m not too good at self directed study, tbh.

I guess we’ll have to see where the future takes me.

[intoafandom]

Ok bruinsblr, it’s been a few weeks and i think im finally ready to say some stuff.....

Firstly, if it wasn’t ABUNDANTLY CLEAR, i was in denial, probably more than ive ever been in my entire life. I’m only NOW starting to feel it as I type this out (which i KNEW would happen and its why i put off making this post).

It doesn’t feel real. It feels like someone took the script and ripped it into a thousand pieces. It feels like it wasn’t supposed to happen that way at all and that there was something evil force flipping the scales. It feels like everything just suddenly disappeared, like all of the sudden everything just freaking stopped and everyone just disappeared. I feel like I haven’t seen the team in YEARS even though its only been a couple weeks. Everything just feels gone.

Yall know ive been posting about oneus (and onewe) waaaay more often lately (and its not just because they came back with new music and ravns been active). Again, ive been in denial and oneus (and onewe) are my helpful distraction. Cuz otherwise ik i would’ve been a total complete mess. 2019 still feels worse to me because, again, I haven’t let myself feel all the emotions tied to the elimination. I haven’t thought about bergy or krech, I haven’t thought about the free agents, or anything else relating to it because if i do ik I’ll probably break aaaand im not ready to go down that road yet.

I’m happy about the regular season, probably more than I’ll ever be about another season ever again. Everything that happened was so surreal. Linus’ goaie goal, the bench clearing for Bergy’s 1000th point (and the fact that i got to go to the game where they honored him). The winter classic at fenway and JD killing it in LITERALLY every way possible. We got pooh bear, we got meth bear, we got everything. There were so many milestones, so many players who had the best seasons of their career.

I kinda feel like im in limbo. Like I don’t really know what to do with myself. Cuz i literally haven’t watched ANY other playoff games and it all just feels so weird. And i guess that’s the word that sums everything up for me. Weird.

I think when the season started, we all could feel that this was the last dance. And now that its over, I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I don’t even know how to post about the bruins rn. Cuz everything just feels so freaking weird and disconnected. I think im just detached from reality. I’m in my own little space where none of the painful emotions have fully hit me yet.

And now i feel like i don’t really know what to do with myself. Because since 2018 this has been a hockey blog (with a few other things randomly thrown in). The past 5 years have been hockey hockey hockey, and ive been posting about the same people for so freaking long.

And like...I don’t really know what to do now because im pretty 100% sure that some of those core people are going to be gone. Dynamics are going to change, and im someone who HATES change.

Honestly, at the beginning of the season/the end of last season, I was almost completely checked out of bruinsblr. That was the height of all the drama (iykyk) and the team got crushed in the playoffs + all the sh!t canes fans did to pasta. I was sick of lb’ing because i just wanted to watch the games in peace without having to see all the hate. I was sick of missing cute cellys just so i could type “BERGY YOU KING” before anyone else. I was exhausted.

But then this season came along and it was like all the joy from 2018-19 (my first year as a hockey fan) all came back. I was lb’ing the way i used to, without focusing on notes or followers. I was just enjoying it. Enjoying the games, enjoying the moments in real time. I didn’t make as many edits, I didn’t force myself to make them when I wasn’t motivated.

I enjoyed the season the way i was supposed to. As a fan rather than...whatever the fvck this account is. And it was amazing.

All this to say, idk what is coming. Idk what this off-season is gunna be like and idk what next season is gunna be like. Will I still lb? Maybe. Will I still edit the bruins? Maybe. Will I still post about the bruins? Maybe. Probably.

But am I going to obsess over the wags anymore? No. Am I going to screenshot things from insta and post them here with the caption “omg player xyz is so funny/cute for this!” No. That’s stuff I feel I’ve grown out of. Don’t get me wrong, i still love jd and cmac and bambi carlo and all the others, but i dont feel like posting about their personal lives anymore, especially when yall can just go to their instas and see it RIGHT THERE.

Here’s what I know though. I still love the bruins. I love their friendships and the team dynamics. I still love hockey, i still love sports. And this is still a fan account (duh its literally called IntoAFandom). I’m still going to post/talk/rant about it all. I’m still going to be a reblog queen and im still going to follow the tags like ive always done.

But I’m also telling you that I’m going to he posting a lot of oneus and onewe now. I feel like im moving into a new stage and they’re a part of it. So if you dont like it, this is your out. I wont get offended, kpop isn’t for everyone (hell, i used to ACTIVELY avoid it the entire time i was in high school and for a couple years after I graduated too).

Basically, I’m going to do what makes me happy now, just as I started doing this season. I’m going to do whatever I’m in the mood to do and I’m not going to force myself to do anything. Im going to watch the bruins and im going to continue to be a fan of them. I still love them and i still love the team. But im also going to love oneus and onewe and im going to stop holding myself back.

Yall know i loved marvel for the last 5 years too, but i think a lot of you probably know that I haven’t been into it lately, but that’s a post for a different time lol.

All this to say im growing. Im exploring new things, finding new loves. And its fun. Im learning korean (why am I lowkey good lol), I’m writing a book, i finally got over my fear of talking to people (yay me).

I feel like im starting to look at the world in a new way, a way I haven’t looked at it in a long time. And it’s making me happy, honestly.

This post took a weird (theres that word again) turn, so I apologize, but i feel like this is all connected somehow. I don’t know what this account is going to look like in a few months, but I guess thats the fun of it all.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the typos (ik there’s gunna be some but I’m too lazy to proof read this oop).

Thank you to all the friends ive made on bruinsblr (Liv and Sarah, thank you❤️). This isn’t a goodbye, because lets be real lol. But I guess its a new beginning? Idk. But yeah.