#I’m literally going to get depression from this drama

[heliza24]

I want to talk a little bit about Daniel in the Interview with the Vampire show, because the new trailer material has me stuck thinking about him, and also I’ve never written about how meaningful he is as disabled character to me before.

I don’t see many people thinking about show!Daniel in these terms, but he’s a canon disabled character. And I think the way he is written is just SO good. The acerbic wit, his relationship to doctors and his medication, his rueful acceptance of the way his disability has changed him. It is all so correct!! It’s really incredibly rare to have not only a disabled character written this well but specifically a chronically ill character written this well. His illness is always present; it doesn’t get forgotten about by the story. It gives Daniel insight into the vampires (more on this in a min), but it also gives Louis and Armand leverage over him. When Louis triggers his Parkinson’s symptoms? Deeply not ok. But that’s what made it such a great scene, and really made Louis feel dangerous and threateningin that moment. Armand and Louis arranging Daniel’s meds is a sign of great care and also great power over Daniel. It’s the perfect way to communicate the complicated power dynamic in their relationship.

I also just fucking love that this show takes place in 2022 and doesn’t erase the pandemic. Covid is a very present concern for Daniel and I cannot describe how validating that is for me as someone who is clinically vulnerable to Covid and who has had to really limit my life and take a lot of precautions because everyone else has decided to stop caring whether they pass on Covid or not. The fact that Daniel gets on a plane to Dubai is a BIG DEAL. He’s risking his life to talk to Louis and Armand before he’s even in the room with them. He really wants to be there. I have to make a similar calculation every time I travel, and trust me, getting on that plane knowing getting sick could spiral you into even worse health or kill you is really hard.

I think making Daniel disabled and including the pandemic is kind of a genius level decision on a thematic level. Of course Daniel is now facing down his mortality, which gives him a whole new lens on the vampires and the fact that he once asked them to turn him. And the pandemic further highlights his fragility, and is also possibly being used as a cover for drama that’s happening in the vampire world. But I think it also really sets Daniel up as a foil to Louis.

There’s a lot of analysis of the vampire chronicles that reads vampirism as a metaphor for queerness. But I would actually propose that it’s a much neater parallel for disability and illness in a lot of ways. So many of Louis’s initial experiences after being turned resonated with me, as someone who became chronically ill in my 20s. My appetite and relationship to food completely changed, much like Louis. My relationship with the outdoors and the sun changed, because of dysautonomia and allergy reasons. I was very mad, and very depressed, and I too have missed out on birthday parties and big life events like Louis did because I was too sick to go. Hell, you can even say that the way that Louis is treated as evil by his family, that the way vampires literally can’t be a part of society during the day, is reminiscent of ableist exclusion and ugly laws. (Ugly laws were laws that forbid disabled people, especially those with visible differences, from being out in public, and they were on the books in many American municipalities until the 1970s.) You can look at Lestat being an out and proud vampire in the first few episodes on the season and imploring Louis to leave his shame behind as a queer thing, but you can also view it as a disabled thing. Disabled people are portrayed as monstrous so often (and in a way that has gone relatively unexamined compared to say, the queer coded villain trope) that sometimes it’s just easier to embrace that label: I’m the monstrous Crip, but at least I’m not ashamed of or disgusted by who I am anymore.

I do think the real strength of this adaptation is that while you can find parallels between queerness or disability or other forms of marginalization with vampirism, ultimately it’s not a one-to-one parallel. It speaks to the real world but ultimately it is a gothic horror story about supernatural monsters. So I don’t mean to say that vampirism directly equals disability, because it does not. But I do think that making Daniel disabled was an intentional choice to help draw out some of those parallels, and I think the text is richer for it.

So Louis and Daniel have had these kind of parallel experiences of uncontrollable and difficult things happening to their bodies. It sets them up perfectly as foils, and even, I would argue, as the A plot and B Plot protagonists. This is one of my favorite ways of kind of examining the structure of a TV show (or maybe it’s that most of my favorite shows seem to be structured this way?). When TV was all episodic, it would be common to refer to the A plot (mystery of the week), B plot (interpersonal drama happening as the mystery gets solved) and C plot (any overarching plot tying the season together) in an episode. Now that stuff is serialized, there’s often a main protagonist, who has the main dramatic question and the most agency, and then there is often a secondary B plot that explores similar themes and mirrors the A plot, or presents a second main character who is the ldifferent side of the same coin” to the main protagonist. (My favorite example of this is Flint and Max in Black Sails, and I’ve also made the argument that Wilhelm and Sara fit this pattern in Young Royals.) In IwtV, Louis is obviously the main protagonist of the show, especially in the A Plot, which is the stuff taking place in New Orleans/Paris. But I would argue that Daniel is the protagonist of the B Plot set in Dubai. At the very least they’re intentionally set up as mirrors of each other:

They are both unreliable narrators, who are struggling with the way memory contorts (through memory erasure, illness, deliberate obfuscations, and just the passage of time). The most recent teaser trailer, where we hear Louis saying “I don’t remember that”, with panic in his voice, further underlined this similarity between Louis and Daniel to me. I don’t know if it means that Louis has also had his memory tampered with, as I’m assuming Daniel has, but I do think it means that Louis is going to be struggling with feeling out of control of his own narrative more in season 2, a thing that was already starting for Daniel in season 1.

They are also both locked into power struggles with people more powerful than they are. The fact that Louis is under Lestat in the flashbacks and above Daniel in the Dubai scenes in terms of power/status makes it all the more interesting. And, if we want to go ahead and assume that the Devils Minion’s years have happened in the past by the time we get to Dubai— it’s possible that both Daniel and Louis are united in being the less powerful partner in their own respective fucked up gothic romances.

They’re also both the audience’s entry point into their respective stories. Louis’s narration guides us into the world of vampires. Daniel’s questioning satisfies our human curiosity in Dubai.

I think one of the things that makes the show so special is the way that these two protagonists interact. In a lot of shows the a plot and the b plot stay pretty separate. I love talking about Black Sails for this because I think it’s such a good example; Flint and Max never exchange dialogue the entire show, even though they’re so clearly affecting each other the whole time. But the way that Louis and Daniel clash in Dubai is so exciting. We see them both wrestling for control of the narrative. It’s thrilling to watch and it just hammers home the theme of how complicated and changeable stories can be.

I am SO excited to see how the Dubai scenes play out in season 2 because of it. I really can’t wait. I’m really hoping we’ll see Daniel and Louis’s relationship evolve in surprising ways, and I’m holding my breath that we’ll get a lot of Armandaniel material to work with. (I have a whole other post drafted that’s much less smart than this one and is just me waxing poetic about Devil Minion’s theories which I may post at some point. You have been warned.)

I do have two wishes for Daniel in the new season, and they’re 1: that he gets to have romance/sex, because disabled (and older!) characters are so often seen as unworthy of being desired, and I would like to see that challenged and 2: that he continues to refuse to be turned/is not offered a vampiric cure for Parkinson’s. The magic cure for a disability or chronic illness is probably my least favorite disability trope, because it serves to erase disabled characters and representation from the narrative, and I want to see my experiences continue to be reflected in Daniel’s. That means that whatever ending Daniel’s story has will probably have at least a bit of tragedy baked into it, but I’m ok with that.

[pastel-kingdom]

I think people who think having DID is so quirky and cool forget that

Theres times where I feel extreme emotions coming from someone but I’m not sure who.

Sometimes it happens during the day or night and It can get very overwhelming, especially if I don’t know who it is and cant help them.

Dreams can occur that will consist of said alter reliving certain situations or trauma

Or simply, thinking about a person or situation that happened and getting a wave of their emotions.

This can be good or bad but, I don’t talk about how often it happens, we don’t talk about it happening.

Sometimes we would just rather keep it moving and forget about it, but lately I’ve been feeling certain anxiety coming from someone and another person feeling regret and guilt or just depression.

Thankfully we have a sys self helper and a soother to lessen that load on the system and whoever is fronting at the time but again, this can be very stressful

Especially if one of those people feeling said emotion is the soother.

I think about how many people on tiktok have gotten caught outright faking or exaggerating their DID to make it seem like its so fun and so amazing to have this disorder but the truth is, its not.

Theres good and bad days but in the end it’s literally having some number of people in your head with their own thoughts, their own emotions, their own lives and their own faults.

We go through our own struggles, our own traumas and our own lives. All we want is security and happiness, no drama, no more trauma or shitty memories, no more flashbacks no more weird ass dreams, we just want to be happy.

Thanks for reading my little vent.

- Roman B

[gleamingyu]

hits different.

part I of the midnights series. inspired by taylor swift’s midnights. part II

pairing: music-producer!seungcheol x lawyer!fem!reader [exes-to-lovers]

genre: romance. slight angst. drama.

warnings: she/her pronouns for reader (but no specific physical characteristics). mentions of a pretty rough breakup. slight angst. some light cursing. mentions of death (jokingly though). terrible knowledge of law stuff (thank my brief interest in htgawm). yearning. loads of miscommunication. slow burn. cheol & reader are both stubborn. mentions of drinking. alternating povs. lower caps intended [if there’s anything i missed, please let me know!]

word count: 4.7k

notes: this is the first part of a new series i thought of! this is also my first time writing (or more like, finishing writing) something, so please be kind! any comments, reblogs or likes are welcome. and thank you to whoever decides to give this a chance :)

summary: still recovering from a not-so-fresh breakup, seungcheol leans on his friends to get back on his feet. it turns out to be much easier said than done, especially when his record label recruits the help of a law firm to deal with a recent scandal, which just so happens to be the same firm his ex works at. just his luck.

if anyone could see the scene in front of mingyu, they’d be severely concerned, much like he is at this very moment.

seungcheol is quite literally buried under a pile of blankets on his bed, the only visible part of his body a tuft of his dark brown hair. the floor of his bedroom is covered in clothes and empty food containers, and the air feels so stale and hot, it’s taking everything in mingyu not to gag. there is no light coming into the room except from the lightbulb shining in the hallway where mingyu is standing, and… is that… phoebe bridgers he can hear playing from somewhere?

mingyu glances down at his feet where kkuma, seungcheol’s devoted dog – and only girl who’s ever truly loved him, according to him – is sitting staring right back at him, a look on her fluffy face that mingyu swears looks just as depressed as her dad.

“this is way worse than i thought,” mingyu sighs, finally stepping into the bedroom. “okay, enough of this!”

mingyu grabs the blankets on the bed and pulls them away, revealing a very aggravated seungcheol. “what the hell are you doing?!”

“i’m not sure yet, because this,” mingyu gestures around the room, “is a lot. but it starts with you getting your ass out of bed and into the shower. immediately. this place smells like there’s a corpse somewhere in here.”

“yeah, it’s me. i’m the corpse. or i wish i was, because that would mean i’ve finally died,” seungcheol groans, turning away from mingyu and effectively shoving his face into the bed.

mingyu sighs, turning around to start collecting some of the dirty clothes on the floor. he finds himself regretting not calling jeonghan or joshua to come with him, because seungcheol might have been more easily persuaded to stop moping with them around. the reality is, they all thought seungcheol was doing better; he was back on his grind at work, finishing several albums he had been producing for, he was making progress in his jiu-jitsu classes, and he even joined the rest of the guys on their trip to australia last month, with minimal persuasion from his friends.

looking at the shell of a man laying on the bed in front of him, mingyu realizes he should’ve asked. he should’ve asked his friend how he was really doing, what he was feeling, what he could actually do to help him move past this.

better late than never.

“listen,” mingyu starts, going to sit on the edge of seungcheol’s bed but reconsidering. who knows when he last changed these. “i’m sorry if we haven’t really been there for you. i know a thing or two about breakups and heartbreak, so i guess i should’ve figured you weren’t alright, not like you said you were. you don’t have to keep all you’re feeling locked up. you can talk to us.”

seungcheol’s head moves slightly to the side, peeking at mingyu from the corner of his eye. he sighs, and turns on his back. mingyu tries not to cringe at seungcheol’s sullen face, his eyes red and still wet, as if he was still crying when mingyu arrived at his apartment.

“don’t beat yourself up, gyu. believe it or not, i was actually doing better. but a few days ago, i … i was cleaning around the closet by the entrance and …” he pauses, and mingyu thinks he might burst into tears. seungcheol breathes in however, closes his eyes, and continues. “i found one of her old hats. you know, the yellow crochet bucket hat she always used to wear in the summer? i bought it for her birthday when we had just started dating and … i don’t know, i just broke down. it hit me again that we’re over. like really.”

you and seungcheol broke up … four, five months ago? seungcheol shakes his head, he feels like time hasn’t passed the same since. days pass him by where he just goes over and over your last conversation – which was more of a fight, really – and he always ends up regretting everything he said that day. regrets resenting you for always working late, for never asking him to accompany you to firm events… regrets accusing you of some unspeakable things.

looking back, he can’t believe how big of an idiot he was. no wonder you left and didn’t even bother to come back to get your things. you left everything behind, all your clothes that still smelled of the lavender detergent you used to buy, your makeup haphazardly thrown into one of the bathroom drawers, the cooking books you always bought “for inspiration” but never, ever actually opened… and the yellow bucket hat you got from seungcheol for the first birthday you spent together. seungcheol had left everything where it was, a tiny part of him hoping you two would work this out somehow. but weeks went by with no word from you, and when he had tried reaching you, he came to the grave conclusion that you had blocked him on all platforms, cut him off from your life like a dead limb. back then he thought he deserved it. he still does.

“i’m sorry, hyung. i really am,” mingyu shakes seungcheol from his reverie, reaching a hand to pet his shoulder. a beat passes between them. “have you tried… calling her again since?”

“no. i don’t know what good it would do,” seungcheol sighs. “even if she answered, i doubt all the apologies i could offer would fix anything. i said some pretty fucked up shit.”

“yeah, i know. if you remember, i was there the next day ripping you a new one,” mingyu teases, desperately trying to cheer up his friend somehow. he swears he can see seungcheol’s lips twitch a bit. “but who knows… now that you both had some time to yourselves, you might actually be able to overcome this calmly. and if… if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least you’ll both have some closure.”

closure. that’s a funny word, because seungcheol wants the furthest thing from closure. he wants you back in his bed and your arms around him, he wants your indie artists he’s never heard of playing around the apartment in the morning, he wants your laugh echoing in the halls. he wants you.

he knows that the only way this ending could even be a possibility would be if he actually took mingyu’s advice and called you up, but another part of him is terrified of the other possibility: the one where you pick up and tell him to go to hell and fuck himself and never call you again or show his face around you. so for now, seungcheol opts for a third option: emotional limbo, with a side of trying-to-move-on.

he gets up from the bed and asks mingyu if he could help him straighten out the place. mingyu, bless his sweet heart, of course says yes and gets to work after sending seungcheol to clean himself up. just as he’s about to close the bathroom door, he hears mingyu’s exasperated voice.

“oh, for the love of god, where is that god-awful music coming from?!”

seungcheol can’t remember the last time he laughed so heartily.

the bar you find yourself in is bustling with people, laughter and cheerful conversations filling the space. you’re only half listening to whatever topic your two best friends, yunjin and chaeyoung, are discussing – something about “that bitch” in yunjin’s department at work that’s been giving her a hard time – instead reveling in the pleasant buzz of the champagne you’re nursing.

it had been a while since you were able to enjoy a nice evening with your girls. the past few months had been filled with endless meetings, client-induced headaches and sleepless nights, but thankfully, today you had managed to finally strike a deal for one of the firm’s most important clients (to be read as filthy rich), which you had been working towards all these months. naturally, upon hearing the news, chaeyoung and yunjin had begged you to join them at a bar in the city, “to celebrate your newfound freedom.”

you splurged on a bottle of champagne for the three of you and decided that tonight, you were going to have fun. you were going to relax, enjoy some drink, and catch up with your friends who you hadn’t seen in weeks.

and you will not, under any circumstances, bring up seungcheol.

you like to believe that in the last two months you had gotten better at shutting out any thought of your ex-boyfriend. in the days – more like weeks, if you were to ask chaeyoung and yunjin – following the ugly breakup, you were quite the literal mess. finding yourself alone and with nowhere to go, considering you had left the apartment you shared with seungcheol with nothing but your work stuff (how on-brand for you), it wasn’t surprising that your mental and emotional health had taken a massive hit. thankfully, at the insistence of yunjin, you agreed to crash at her place while you put yourself back together and took time off from work – something you had never done before.

to the surprise of your friends, it only took you two weeks to go back to work and start looking for your own place. two weeks after that, you were moving into a new apartment and claimed that you were feeling much better since the breakup. or at least starting to. chaeyoung and yunjin didn’t want to argue with you on this – even thought they 100% believed the front you were putting up was a load of crap – but in the end, they didn’t even have to, because the first time you went out with them again since the breakup, you had your first meltdown.

but was it really your fault that the man sitting two seats down the bar from you had ordered whiskey neat, just like seungcheol always used to? and was it really your fault that he was wearing a maroon leather jacket similar to the one seungcheol always used to wear in the fall, which you absolutely adored?

could they really blame you for bursting into tears right then and there and wailing about how much of a jerk seungcheol was for never understanding your dedication to your work? how much of a hypocrite he was for expecting you to just dip from the office when he suddenly had some free time, when he had never done so for you?

that night, chaeyoung and yunjin quite literally dragged you back to chaeyoung’s place and held you while you cried yourself to sleep, and in the morning, when you had embarrassingly admitted that “no, you weren’t really doing fine,” they held you again and offered soft-spoken words of support, opting to keep the classic we told you so in their thoughts.

four months passed since that incident and now, you could confidently say that you were truly feeling better. you weren’t quite over seungcheol per se; there were nights when you still thought about the smell of vanilla that filled the room whenever he was fresh out of a shower, the way he always got so giggly when you brought home a tray of cherries… yeah, you still found yourself missing him terribly sometimes. but the more time passed, you realized that seungcheol hadn’t tried reaching you at all in the months since the breakup, and so you thought he might be moving on as well.

it is true you had blocked him on all social platforms for weeks after you stormed out of your place. but on a particularly bad day, when all you did was cry and cry and cry after him, the thought of calling him up and asking him to go back to how things were crossed your mind, and you unblocked his number. unfortunately, your pride had set itself in your way, convincing you that it was seungcheol that needed to make the first step, considering he was the one who quite literally cornered you into a fight. so you didn’t call and instead prayed to whatever forces exist in the universe, that seungcheol would try your number again.

he never did.

“soooo, cheers to the lady of the hour! finally free from the clutches of corporate law!” yunjin cheered, clinking her glass against yours and knocking you out of your reverie.

damn it, seungcheol, i said i would not think of you tonight!

“yes, cheers!” chaeyoung joined in. “how do you feel? are you going to get a big ass bonus for the amount of time you put into this asshole?”

chaeyoung was probably right, you probably did deserve a huge ass bonus for the deal you pulled for the client you were handling. when you were in law school, you had never imagined yourself working for sleazy, corporate pigs who behaved like none of their actions would bite them in the ass eventually, and expecting others – like yourself – to clean up after them. but, as your boss grimly explained to you the day you had complained about your client, everybody has to start somewhere. “and junior partners don’t get to choose cases, sweetheart.”

life at the firm wasn’t always terrible. you were lucky enough to be part of an amazing team, and the firm worked with plenty of influential and big personalities, so you almost never had to worry about your income. but sometimes, some of the people you were asked to represent brought you to the brink of just quitting your job altogether.

“i just feel relieved,” you say. “if i had to hear the incessant whining and nagging of that idiot for one more day, i might have gone insane!”

“well, thank god you’re a stellar lawyer and managed to get rid of him,” yunjin teases, taking a sip of her drink. “do you already have anything else lined up?”

“god, no! i have a few days off just to take care of paperwork, maybe help out some of my colleagues around the office… but nothing big for now, thankfully.”

“oh, that’s amazing! which reminds me, this means you can actually join us on that weekend spa trip we were talking about last week,” chaeyoung happily suggests, as she’s already pulling up the website of the spa retreat.

“i guess a spa day would be nice,” you say, looking over at chaeyoung’s phone. you feel your body already going lax at the thought of a hot stone massage.

“oh, that would be so nice!” yunjin pouts. “we haven’t gone on a girls trip in so long! i miss going away, just the three of us… do you guys remember that trip we took to croatia two years ago? that was the best one we ever did, i swear!”

while chaeyoung joins yunjin in reminiscing about all the trips the three of you took over the years, you feel your phone buzzing in the pocket of your dress paints. pulling it out, you see an email notification…

“oh, no…” your voice trails off, reading over the email you had just received.

“what? what’s the matter?” yunjin asks, her conversation with chaeyoung coming to a halt.

“my boss just emailed me. he wants me in the office tomorrow morning. some big case that just came in,” you explain, already feeling a headache coming in.

“but tomorrow’s saturday,” chaeyoung frowns.

“i know… i know.”

when monday rolls around, seungcheol really wished that he had died before mingyu had found him the week before.

the day started normal enough. he woke up at 5 a.m. and took kkuma for a walk in the park near his apartment building, just like every morning. by 8 a.m., he was already set up in his studio inside the PLEDIS building, ready to work on the tracks he was supposed to finish mixing by the end of the week. seungcheol liked the buzz of the label, people from all different departments running around trying to stay on their schedules; it motivated him to also do his part diligently, and reminded him that he was extremely lucky to be doing one of the things he loves most: music.

seungcheol should’ve guessed something was up today the moment the clock struck 11 and jihoon, the other in-house producer of PLEDIS, and one of his oldest friends, hadn’t come by his studio. he and jihoon had known each other since their college days, having met in an audio engineering class they apparently shared, and had been friends for 8 years now. during their last year of college, they were recruited by a record label that was just starting out (which became the PLEDIS of today), and despite all warnings from their families, they decided to take a leap of faith together and join the company. it all worked out for the better, it turned out, as PLEDIS only grew and soon became a household name in the music industry.

as the only producers that have stuck around PLEDIS since the beginning, they developed several… traditions, or rituals over the years, one of which was jihoon’s 11 a.m. coffee run, which they’d spend sharing ideas and notes over each other’s work, and, if jihoon was in a particularly good mood, engage in some office gossip (not that either of them would ever admit it). today, however, jihoon is a no-show and seungcheol can’t help but wonder what his friend is up to.

when he shoots jihoon a quick text, asking if he’s alright, his friend only replies with a “just busy,” and tells seungcheol not to wait up for him at lunch, as he’ll probably be stuck in the studio all day. this doesn’t surprise him that much, seeing as jihoon might be an even bigger workaholic than he is, but he still can’t shake the feeling that something must be up with his friend. he decides that instead of going out for lunch, he’s gonna pick up some takeout and join jihoon in his studio. he wouldn’t be able to rest easy knowing his friend will go a day without eating anything.

once lunch hours begin, seungcheol takes a quick walk two blocks down the street to the restaurant mingyu works in, who’s already waiting for him with the food seungcheol had requested for him and jihoon. on his way back to PLEDIS, he texts jihoon again, just to make sure he’s still in the studio, but there’s no answer, and now seungcheol is seriously starting to get worried. he jogs the rest of the way until he’s back inside the building, and takes the elevator to the 6th floor where jihoon’s studio is stationed.

walking up to the door that reads UNIVERSE FACTORY, he stops in his tracks when he hears more than one voice from the other side of the door. he easily recognizes jihoon’s voice, but the other voices – two other men and a woman – are harder to make out. except… except the woman’s voice is eerily familiar, and without a second thought, seungcheol grips the handle and swings the door open, four pairs of eyes whipping in his direction.

his eyes land on jihoon, who looks like he wishes he was anywhere else in that moment, and then scan the rest of room, recognizing mr. han, their CEO, and… you. it’s you.

seungcheol feels like he’s going to faint. mr. han does not look the least bit happy about seungcheol’s intrusion, and he really wishes the man would slap him just so he can know for sure if he’s dreaming. if you’re surprised to see seungcheol, your face shows no sign of it, and seungcheol can’t help but stare at you. you look so beautiful, so put together; your make-up is soft, almost unnoticeable, your hair pushed behind your ears, and you’re wearing a dark green suit… oh, how he loved you in green.

you were the picture of grace and professionalism and he was… not. he really wishes he hadn’t come to the studio in sweatpants right now.

“mr. choi, what a… surprise,” mr. han exclaims, standing up from his seat, you and the other man – who seungcheol has no idea who he is, but he knows he doesn’t like the way he’s standing so close to you – following suit. “i didn’t know mr. lee was expecting you,” mr. han continues, glancing towards jihoon, who turned red as a tomato.

“i wasn’t, actually,” jihoon squeaks, avoiding both seungcheol and mr. han’s gazes.

“i apologize, i was… i was just bringing jihoon some lunch. i didn’t know there was… a meeting happening,” seungcheol says, looking towards you, and he’s almost thrown back by the way you’re just… staring directly at him.

mr. han sighs, but remembering the situation, he quickly puts on a polite smile as he turns towards you and the other man. “mr. choi is one of our other in-house producers. mr. choi, this is mr. jeon and miss L/N. they’re helping us with some… legal matters.”

so that’s why you were here. and who the other guy was. but what legal matters? and why was jihoon involved? and why didn’t he tell seungcheol?!

before seungcheol can ask more questions, mr. han gestures towards the door he came through and says “now, if you don’t mind, you can come back in a few minutes, mr. choi. we’ll be done soon.”

soon. soon, his ass!

seungcheol had been pacing the hallway outside jihoon’s studio for the past 20 minutes (he checked, he wasn’t exaggerating!), trying very hard not to eavesdrop through the door, and thinking of every possible reason why jihoon would need legal help and why you would be here.

jihoon was definitely in some kind of trouble. for the CEO to be involved as well, it for sure must be something that could affect the whole label. seungcheol just can’t understand why jihoon wouldn’t tell him if he had any kind of problem. they were colleagues, but most importantly, they were friends. he would’ve dropped everything to come to his aid.

now, when it comes to you… seungcheol knows you’re a lawyer, obviously he does. he met you when you were halfway through law school, and he was there for every failed and aced exam, for your graduation (he was so proud of you that day, it was the first time you’d ever seen him cry), for every measly job you had before finally securing the one you currently held at one of the top firms in the city. he also knows you’re a damn good lawyer, seeing how hard you work and how dedicated you are. he supposes it’s not surprising you were chosen to represent jihoon in whatever mess he got himself in.

he feels bad now that he remembers how he held these things above your head during your last fight. how you were working late so often, how you never asked him to join you at office parties, despite how eager you always were to go out with your coworkers for drinks, how you always asked him to wait for you outside the office building, as if you didn’t want people to know you had a partner...

he knows that both of you were to blame for how things went down between you, but since he started the argument in the first place, he thinks he could’ve brought all this up in a better way, at a better time.

his thoughts are interrupted when the door to jihoon’s studio opens again, and he finds himself regretting waiting in the hallway because now he has to face you again and he’s not ready and he doesn’t know what to say and he still looks like a hobo and –

“mr. choi!”

he looks up to see who he imagines is your colleague – mr. jeon – step towards him, as you and mr. han step out after him, discussing something. you glance once towards seungcheol before turning back to the conversation, and seungcheol feels his heart clench.

“mr. jeon, i’m sorry once again for interrupting your meeting,” seungcheol says, extending his hand to shake mr. jeon’s.

“don’t worry, no harm done at all. i’m actually glad you stuck around, because i had something to ask you. seeing as you and mr. lee are close, would you be available for a short talk with us, sometime in the next days? we’ll have to build a strong case for mr. lee and, well, some insight from his colleagues would be very helpful,” mr. jeon explains, fixing the thin-rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

seungcheol is taken aback by the man’s soft tone. his sharp eyes and cold look on his face made him look pretty intimidating, but his voice is the complete opposite, putting seungcheol weirdly at ease.

“o-of course, anything for jihoon,” seungcheol quickly replies. “can i ask, though, what exactly does he need help with?”

“plagiarism.”

“PLAGIARISM?!”

“you’re being sued. for plagiarism.”

“yes.”

“and you just found out last friday.”

“yes.”

“last friday when we all went out for barbeque and you didn’t even think to mention it? not even once?!”

“will you stop pacing and sit down? you’re making me even more nervous than i already am,” jihoon sighs, dropping his head in his hands.

seungcheol sighs as well, muttering a sorry, and sits down on the couch opposite jihoon’s chair.

jihoon continues. “i didn’t mention anything because i didn’t want to piss on everyone’s good mood. it was joshua’s birthday… besides, i didn’t know all the details of the situation at that point. i thought it was another baseless accusation, you know? but they’re serious about it. they wanna take me to court.”

“what? that’s insane,” seungcheol says. “i feel weird even asking, but did you even plagiarize?”

“no! of course not! i don’t even know the people!” jihoon exclaims, flopping down on the couch next to seungcheol. he lets out a long groan. “this is just what i needed.”

seungcheol pats his friend’s back, thinking of some encouraging words. jihoon was the most talented and creative guy he knew. to think that someone would accuse him of using somebody else’s work was a concept seungcheol couldn’t even entertain.

“don’t worry. that jeon guy looks like he’s already got a game plan.”

“and Y/N,” jihoon says.

silence falls around the two of them, until jihoon stirs from the couch, sitting up to look at seungcheol.

“are we just not going to acknowledge her or what?”

“no! that’s not what i…” seungcheol sighs, hanging his head. “i just wasn’t expecting to see her. i don’t know how to feel.”

“that’s understandable. you guys haven’t seen each other in a while, right?”

seungcheol shakes his head. “did she… did she say anything to you?”

“oh, no. she was super professional, went straight to business. but…” jihoon trails off, debating whether he should say what he was thinking.

“but? but what?!” seungcheol grabs jihoon’s shoulders, shaking him a little.

“but i think she was just as rattled to see you as you were. her hand kept shaking while she was writing, after you left. i guess she was just better at hiding her surprise,” jihoon continues. “now let go of me, you animal!”

seungcheol sighs. could it be that you were just as much of a mess inside as he was? the hopeful part of him thinks you might have thought of him all these months, just as he thought of you. the other part of him thinks your hand might as well just have been shaking from anger.

“you know, this might be a good thing,” jihoon says, getting up and sitting back in front of his computer.

“what, you getting sued and her being around?”

“yeah. maybe this way you’ll finally grow some balls, put your pride aside, and actually fix things,” jihoon deadpans, and seungcheol knows the conversation is over.

yeah. easier said than done.

[popquizhot-shot]

O my gosh do you think you can do a Miguel x teen reader. Where the reader has been in a depressed mood lately and no one can figure out what's wrong till they reveal that their headphones broke on their last mission and it was the last thing their remaining family member gave to them before they died and they blaime themselves for not being more careful with them.

Headphones-Miguel O’Hara x teen!reader.

As someone who’s emotionally attached to her heradpjones yes I can and will write this. Thank you all so much for the love and support from my last post! I’ll be taking a short break after this and I hope you all like it! Please comment and reblog if you do :D love you<3333

Warnings: Implied Hobie brown x reader; mostly fluff dw, crying.

ART BY THE AMAZING @thattripleabattery

“Is it just me, or is something off about her?” Miles nods towards you who is sitting all alone away from and sipping juice desolately as they all listen to Miguel’s newest monthly goal meeting.

“Something looks off about her, like something’s missing.” Gwen narrows her eyes at your figure.

You just keep nodding at intervals and try to pay attention but all you can think about are the headphones your brother had given you.

You considered them an extension of you, going so far as to even sometimes wear them during light missions while you waited for the threat to show up.

Your last mission had been gruelling, so bad to the point that both Jess and your dad had suggested you take a break from fighting to recuperate.

You were so devastated on the inside, all you did was just nod.

You knew that Miguel knew you were off. It was obvious that you joked less and acted tired. Not to mention the little amount of sleep you got.

It was stupid really, all this drama over a pair of headphones. Yet, they were the last connection you had to your brothers and it felt like you had truly lost your family when they broke into two.

Your mind was literally empty as you nodded at whatever Miguel was saying. You just dipped your juice and kept zoning in and out. It felt wrong that they weren’t there around your neck where they usually were.

Miguel started to notice your constant fidgeting and the way your hands kept rubbing your neck. He had also noticed your dull nature and the way your sweet smile stopped making its way onto your face.

Even to his lamest dad jokes, you’d respond with a huff and small twist of your lips.

As he wrapped up the plan, his eyes flit to yours and he saw you still nodding, your eyes glassy.

He takes a deep breath, “Dismissed, all of you leave. Now.”

The shuffle of chairs fills the room as everyone files out one by one.

He says your name, “Stay back.” And turns around to look at the hologram.

Miles and Gwen look at each other and then at you, who breathes in and nods without a word.

Once everyone has left, he turns back around to find you looking at him with your hands behind your back.

“What happened?” He asks and you sign.

“Nothing.”

“It’s rude to lie.”

“Manners maketh man and all that jazz.” You reply with a roll of your eyes.

“Seriously.” He raises his eyebrow and his hand rests on your shoulder, “You okay?”

“Yeah, god I’m fine! I was just an irresponsible shit and I broke my headphones.”

His eyebrows furrow, “The ones your brother gave you?”

You clench your jaw and nod, eyes smarting as you struggle not to cry at the thought.

He shrugs, “They’re just headphones, kid. You can always get another.”

You just scoffed, “Yeah, I know.”

“I mean, you get it right?”he tips his down to make a point.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” You smile wryly and turn away so that he can miss the tear forming in your eye, “Cool, I’ll uh catch you later boss man.”

He stares after your retreating figure with remorse, did he say something wrong?

“You dumb idiot.” Lyla pops up.

“What?” He snarls, whirling to look at her.

“She was really attached to those headphones, Miguel.”

“She can always get new ones, Lyla. I’m getting them for her anyway.”

“Miguel it’s as if her brother died all over again.” Lyla replies firmly, “She’s hurting, ans you made her feel worse.”

Miguel hangs his head, “Shit.”

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, but after years of shutting himself out, he didn’t understand people’s feelings like he used to, and he wanted with every fibre of his being to cheer you up, and he managed to screw it up.

“You need to go apologise and fix this.” Lyla points towards the doorway.

——————-

“It’s okay. Let it all out.” Hobie’s soothing voice is calming as his hand travels up and down your back to soothe you.

You breathe deeply before letting out another broken sob that only makes you more embarrassed, and in front of Hobie of all people. The guy just oozed absolute “don’t care” energy while still simultaneously being one of the most caring people you’d ever met.

Your apologies are hushed and he takes your face between his hands and wipes your tears from your cheeks, “You look pretty even when you cry.”

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.”

You hug him again, “Thank you.”

“I know what it’s like to lose something like that, and I’m sorry. But I know you will get over it and I salute you for being so brave.” He winks, “I’ve gotta run, catch you later.”

He quickly kisses your forehead and dashes off, leaving you stunned. After a few moments, a smile makes its way onto your puffy face.

“I’m going to kill that kid.” Miguel seethes as he watches from the camera.

———-

You were exhausted after a long day of training and you couldn’t wait to just go and fall asleep in your quarters.

The door swung open easily and your eyes flitted to the shabbily wrapped present on your bed. The bed that was unmade in the morning but was miraculously made and cleaned now.

Your eyes narrow as you tear away the wrapping to find a near identical pair of headphones to the ones that broke and your eyes widen in shock as you hold them up in front of you.

There’s a post-it stuck to the wrapping paper and you read the note that is unmistakably written by Miguel. You can recognise his chicken scratch handwriting.

“Im sorry for hurting your feelings this morning. And I hope this makes up for it. Don’t blame yourself, it was an accident and accidents happen. Im proud that you learnt your mistake and that you act so wise for your age, despite the fact that you decide to go to a weird British punk spider for advice, I am still proud of you. No es tu culpa, none of this is your fault.

Love,

Dad.”

—————-

“She seems to be in a much better mood today.” Gwen nudges Miles.

“She’s smiling and trying to get him to laugh.” Miles grins at your antics.

“Wait her headphones! They were missing, they’re back around her neck, that’s probably why she was in a shitty mood!” Pavitr reasons as Gwen nods in agreement.

“Are the three of you paying attention?” Miguel looks pointedly at the three kids and his glare then falls in Hobie who is seated next to you.

“Everyone dismissed!”

As everyone files out he says yet again, “Hobart, stay back.”

[xflixer7]

all of my yellowjacket headcannons (so far)

word count is like a trillion ok i’m not counting all this

lottie

she/her transfem! lesbian bottom (try to convince me otherwise)

-schizophrenic

-definitely has some type of ocd

-ptsd

started playing soccer when she was little

will actually go insane is you steal any of her clothes if you look at her she will actually be drooling with heart eyes

this girl is french and is HORRIBLE at it

plays piano

also knows violin because her parents made her take it doesn’t play is anymore though

lottie isn’t jealous but very protective of you

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-phoebe bridgers

-tv girl

-faye webster

-clairo

-#1 laufey fan on the world

unironically knows every katy perry song by heart because she used to be her favorite when she was little

her room is huge

likes putting her hair in pigtails

golden retriever girlfriend she’s so sweet to you and loves to spend time and money on you you guys always stay at her house would literally kiss the ground you walk on if you asked her too:((

also the worst cooker you ever met like how did you fuck up toast why is the smoke alarm going off??

favorite color is blue

lottie definitely has a hairstylist she goes too every month to get permed and there really close i can see her telling them about ALL the school drama

lottie wants write story’s when she’s older maybe romance or mystery idk but i can just imagine her having a typewriter and writing you story’s she has wanted to do it since she was a kid and is very passionate about it:((

what i think her favorite shows are:desperate housewives,american horror story,sailer moon

time burton enthusiast

so scared of horror movie like she will start crying

her favorite characters are:

-emily (corpse bride)

-bree (desperate housewives)

-starfire (teen titans)

always goes on and on about how she’s bubblegum and your marceline she LOVES adventure time

her favorite movie is bridge to terabithia

lotties favorite animal is a bunny and she really wants a pet bunny

BEGS you to give her your bra and your confused but you give it too her and she makes a bracelet out of it and wears it practically every day proudly

also think that lottie is a great artist? like sketching and painting wise

nat

SAY IT WITH ME transmasc! (he/they) definitely bi and a bottom why? because i say so

-depressed

-dyslexic

-ptsd

started playing soccer in middle school

LOVES christmas like has an unhealthy obsession with it

northern italian knows the launage pretty well also a great cook

wants to play electric guitar

his favorite (modern!) singers are

-tyler the creator

-radiohead

-alex g

-motley crue

-is so obsessed with mistki don’t even get me started

randomly painted his room black one day when he was bored

usually prefers his hair down

you give him haircuts he doesn’t trust anyone else someone definitely fucked up his hair once and he never went back

he’s stubborn black cat energy but he can be soft sometimes he hates being vulnerable around you

his favorite color is black or gray

just wants to be famous tbh but he wants to be in a band

what i think his favorite shows are:rick and morty,bojack horseman,shameless

LOVES horror movies and reality tv like 90 day fiancé and the kardashions

also likes claymation

his favorite characters are

-ash (fantastic mr fox)

-sidney (i am not ok with this)

-coraline (coraline)

his favorite movie is little miss sunshine

nat’s favorite animal is a panther he saw one in the jungle book when he was little and just thought it looked cool

always headcannoing characters as trans like finn from adventure time or jeff from clarence he’s so cute:((

nat skateboards too definitely not great at it but does it when he’s bored

jackie

(she/her) is just a bratty pillow princess lesbian you can’t fool me

-adhd asf

-neurodivergent for sure

-ptsd

started playing soccer because she was bored eighth grade tbh i don’t think she likes it as much as the others but she thinks it’s fun

always takes your hoodies fact

this girl is a vegetarian for sure

jackie is greek which is shocking to everyone

jackie is jealous always period

hey gays ass button ups bro

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-ariana grande her fav

-rihanna

-billie eilish

-harry styles

-lana del ray

pretty mainstream music taste

all pink room it’s very like coquette?

ponytail girl but also enjoys her hair down

is obsessed with you like unhealthy obsession always needs to be around you

favorite color is light pink duh

jackie gets perms so she really doesn’t care who does her hair

wants to be a makeup guiro or just stay at home honestly she hates working

what i think her favorite shows are:euphoria, grays anatomy,glee

i think she likes very drama files shows and will rant about tv show characters and there dynamics and why she think that there like that and etc for HOURS

ughhh jackie is such a girls girl like she is the friend who always has your back and has gum or a tampon for you she is the friend who would check you on your period

her favorite characters are:

-maddy (euphoria)

-regina (mean girls)

-amy (gone girl)

her favorite movie is DEFINITELY jennifer’s body

jackie is a cat lover and has 2 i can see her with a orange and a gray cat and they always fight

shauna

DEFINITELY bi (she/her) and i could see her as a switch?

-bipolar

-ptsd

joined soccer with jackie eighth grade

has like thousands of boxers

russian

knows how to play saxophone (she doesn’t even know how she learned she just did) she doesn’t own one though

so jealous but never says anything (this girl cannot communicate to save her life)

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-the cranberries

was so mad when they got popular on tiktok and had to let everyone know they where her fav since day 1 (everyone knew)

-suki waterhouse

-cigarettes after sex

-never got over halsey since 2017

-lady gaga

she honestly doesn’t care how her room looks but it’s never clean

doesn’t do anything with her hair really

writes you notes about how she appreciates you or how much she loves you cause it’s hard for her to tell you how she feels but she loves you so much:((

green is her favorite color

shauna’s hair may seem simple but she’s VERY picky about how it’s cut and is always worried there gonna cut it bad so she gets it cut like twice a year(she always ends up hating it)

she wants to be some sort of doctorate she’s fascinated by the human body so i can see her wanting to be a surgeon

what i think her favorite shows are:good girls, queens gambit,13 reasons why

her favorite characters are:

-velma (chicago)

-cassie (euphoria)

-susanna (girl interrupted)

her favorite movie is chicago (loves musicals)

a simple gal she really likes dogs

taissa

she/her lesbian switch

-ptsd

joined soccer in fifth grade

mixed (duh)

used to be in the marching band

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-bruno mars

(screams when i was your man and grenade in her car way too much)

-frank ocean

-post malone

(also screams his songs in the car)

-has a soft spot for shawn mendas has all of his albums

-really enjoys 60’s music so she really likes elvis

her room is pretty big too not huge on decorating

doesn’t care about hair like at all will wear a headband sometimes

a good girlfriend like if your cold she will give you her jacket type she has a temper never jealous either girlfriend material she’s the type you would want your kid to date y’know?

respectful to adults gets good grades and stuff

her favorite color is brown and everyone is like that’s weird and she is trying to convince them like “no guys it’s pretty hear me ou-“

cuts her own hair thinks it’s overpriced and dumb to have someone professionally do it

tai wants to be something important like president or some shit i can see her being a lawyer

what i think her favorite shows are:the umbrella academy,big mouth,skins

tai only watches skins and euphoria type shows because she loves the drama

her favorite characters:

-hermoine (harry potter)

-patrick (perks of being a wallflower)

-nadine (edge of seventeen)

her favorite movie is the 6th harry potter movie she also thinks it’s the most underrated

she likes tigers

van

she/her and lesbian switch

-anxiety

-ptsd

joined soccer in sixth grade

irish

plays the trumpet but is kinda embarrassed by it

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-nicki manaj

-fiona apple

-tori amos

-girl in red duh

-david bowie

-was ziggy stardust for halloween when she was 8

posters EVERYWHERE can’t convince me her room is not painted red

doesn’t care about hair either puts in a ponytail to keep it out of her face

is a great girlfriend all the same traits as taissa except not the best at school she’s honestly surprised she graduated

favorite color is red

her uncle cuts her hair for like five bucks out of his garage also i definitely think she used to have a bowl cut when she was little

doesn’t really care about money she just wants to be happy wants to own a record store or be a professional soccer player

speaking of records she definitely has a lot of collections like lowkey a hoarder…but her stuff is cool though! like funky pops hat wheels cd’s records etc

what i think her favorite shows are:beavis and butthead, avatar, south park

mostly likes adult animation

her favorite characters are:

-harley (suicide squad)

-ron (harry potter)

-beast boy (teen titans)

her favorite movie is the bee movie or lego batman there cinematic masterpieces

van likes pigeons for not particular reason she just thinks there funny looking

i can see van as a surfer too like her dad definitely is one also i can imagine her being really close with her dad and they have a local family business bakery:((

misty

she/her and idk her position or sexually like i genuinely have no idea

-autistic

-ptsd

always wanted to be on the team but knew she was bad at sports

german definitely

her favorite (modern!) singers are

-boy genius

-the beatles

-justin bieber

-pink

-melanie martenz is her favorite forever

light purple room has justin bieber posters everywhere

lowkey forgets she has hair whenever people comment on it she’s like “oh yeah!”

very obsessive of you and loves you almost too much sometimes you think it’s creepy but than your like “awww she’s so cute”

loves the color yellow

i can see her being a k-pop stan too

(her bias in bts is j-hope)

also is a famous editer on tiktok and no one knows😭her username is like “gxxbflix” or some shit

literally has had one haircut in her life like it never grows?

i see her as a pharmacist

what i think her favorite shows are:walking dead,mlp,monster high

i just think she really enjoys getting into all types of fandoms

has SO many online friends

definitely loves romance anime

plays clarinet

is in band

favorite characters:

-cruella (cruella)

-alice (alice in wonderland)

-edward (edward sciccor hands)

and mistys favorite movie is alice through the looking glass (because it shows the queen of hearts back story and misty loves her)

and misty likes birds duh

those are my headcannons for them i know it’s a lot but i’m obsessed ok send requests if you have any please

-🙈

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 4 - agoraphobia and burger king on 5th street

summary: a personal experience provides a way for newt to connect to y/n.

warnings: strong language, mental health talk, depression, medication (its my literal prescription i mention oops this is like a self insert fr), mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

--

THE GLADE

[ 10:52 am ]

y/n: it’s official yall

drugs saved my life

tommy: huh??

minho: same

newt: wow, i’ve never seen your name on my screen before 12 pm

y/n: shut the hell up bitch

newt: ouch, touchy

minho: woah

touchy 👀

are yallll..?

y/n: you’re sick

tommy: are we going to ignore the drugs statement??

like hello are u ok ??

newt: you’re annoying minho

minho: yea <3 😊

notice how they didn’t say no

y/n: you guys just don’t understand how a girl like me needs beauty sleep..

and no we aren’t

gally: all that beauty sleep and ur still walking around with that mug.. yikes.

y/n: 😑

i hate you i haete you i dhateoyifu

minho: great she’s having a fit

y/n: no one cares about me

and you think i’m ugly

this is so sick

and you don’t even care that i’m on drugs

☹️😭😭😭😭 done.

newt: no one said that love

gally that was rude

minho: BRUHHHHH

here she goes

tommy: I CAREE????????

DO I NEED TO COMEGET YOU????

y/n: yes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

before i do something crazy 😭😭💣

minho: THE BOMB IS WILD

tommy: stay where you are

i have your location

newt: uhhh

y/n: pause what

minho: tommy why would you admit to that

tommy: im On my way! what’s the issue

sorry autocorrect

y/n: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY LOCATION????

gally: can you guys shut the fuck up

minho: the drama queen is here 😍

gally: stop

alby: I have it on Life360, I imagine Thomas does as well. In fact I have all of your locations.

y/n: oh

i forgot about that app..

minho: i didn’t. i get a notif that newt’s phone is at 5% all the goddamn time

even tho he said he deleted it

newt: just turn it off then

i redownloaded it don't track my app intake

minho: no it makes me feel less lonely

y/n: awwwww

idk how you do that newt

newt: do what?

y/n: not charge your phone

if my phone gets below like 15% then the monsters will get me

tommy: omg me tooo 🥹

newt: i was about to say you sound like tommy.

tommy: don’t say that!

she’s on drugs i don’t want to sound like an addict 😔

newt: she isn’t on drugs thomas

tommy: she literally said she is newt :/

5 mins and i’m there y/n

y/n: are you actually fr

thomas..

we live very far away sweetie

newt: i mean

if you were in trouble you don’t think we’d come get you?

tommy: ^^

but life360 says you’re at the burger king on 5th

minho: no that’s me LOOOL

y/n: NEWTTT ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

tommy: wtf

i’m the one who’s coming to get u

why does he get the credit

minho: no tommy you’re coming to get me

tommy: oh yippee i get to see my friend 🤗

newt: ewwwwww

y/n: EWWWWW

tommy: OH STOP IT

y/n: why burger king of all places min

minho: why drugs of all things y/n

gally: she’s not doing drugs are you guys fuckin insane

y/n: yes i am

it’s 10 mg of fluoxetine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ONCE A DAY!!!!!!

IM ADDICTED

newt: no you aren’t, 10 mg is the smallest dose

minho: told y’all she was on drugs

y/n: ???????

minho: over the year

you’re too hyper to not be on some crack shit

tommy: oh stop that’s not nice.

newt: it’s not drugs like that minho stop.

tommy: uhoh he brought out the . at the end

y/n: it’s just for anxiety cuz i can’t leave the house without going into a breakdown

minho: she got acrophobia

told y’all she was mental

newt: what the fuck are you talking about

tommy: oh i know that word

fear of spiders 🕷️

minho: wtf no

fear of outside

y/n: i’m not afraid of outside

newt: that’s agoraphobia you fucking dumbass

y/n: 😍

i did NOT mean to send that lol oops

newt: ??

oh, okay

minho: when he’s a know it all 😍

when she’s agoraphobic 😍

y/n: when he’s at burger king on 5th because he has no food in his fridge and can only afford a $1.99 whopper with the coupons from the newspaper 😍😍😍😍

minho: 😒😑

newt: LMFAOOOO

GOOD THAT

minho: british people be so annoying

saying shit like gormless minger and good that be sooo real rn

newt: i have never said gormless minger in my whole 26 years of life.

y/n: you just did bro

newt: call me bro again

y/n: bro

brosive

brother

stepbro

minho: laughed until i saw the last msg :/

newt: 😑

y/n: ok youre the perverts

minho: cant you take your prozac and turn back to normal now

y/n: so you DO know what it is..

gally: wym 'back to normal' like there was smth before this??

y/n: real i been like this for life

tommy: i got whopper and two large fries and mozzarella sticks

newt: wow

y/n: wow just call him a fatass newt.

newt: i would never, stop

y/n: 2 large fries is kinda crazy tho

tommy: i have to get enough to share with my friend

minho

gally: surprised you have friends

tommy: yeah you are not one.

gally: RUDE?

y/n: WELL LMFAO

minho: i literally already ate also gally ur not my friend either

newt: same

alby: same

gally: well why tf am i in here

y/n: well you're my friend!

gally: great.

y/n: not with that attitude..

tommy: y/n you're ok though right??

y/n: yes tommy im fine sweetie

go eat your food

tommy: okay i wish you could share these fries with me

y/n: me too :(

minho: i don't

big back would eat em all

y/n: i actually hate you

__

newt

[ 11:45 am ]

newt: hey

y/n: hiii :D whats up??

newt: idk why but this feels like secretly texting you across the room at a party

y/n: actually tho

picture me giving u a look from across the room

newt: you would blow our cover immediately

i just wanted to let you know if you needed any like,, advice or something with your new medicine i'm here for you. i take the same stuff on top of lexapro

y/n: oh really?

newt: yeah i do

y/n: newt :( thank you

i am a bit nervous to start it tbh

newt: i understand, i was too

but hopefully it'll change things for the better

y/n: i hope so

i didn't realize you dealt with anxiety n stuff

newt: more than you know

you aren't the only one and you aren't alone w it

y/n: you're sweet newt, thank you

newt: don't mention it :))

sorry the smiley was creepy

y/n: lmao no i like it

if you need to talk or anything too i’m always here

newt: yeah?

y/n: of course ): you’re my pookie

newt: one day you gotta let go of that word lmao

y/n: but you love it tho

newt: you tell yourself that

actually are you free rn?

y/n: yeah! i’m just about home what’s up?

newt: i’m bored so pick up the phone

y/n: NEWT LMAO

ok fine 😒

[moiraineswife]

Moiraine And Lan - The Inability To Communicate Trauma

Hello friends. It has been quite some time. Quite some time since I have: absolutely lost all my fucking shit over my blorbos at great length via a long and quotation filled tumblr meta. Fear not: the status quo of the universe returns, and I am once again: back on my bullshit (literally hours before the next episode airs and this gets drowned/replaced with New Content. Because I’m smart like that). ANYWAY.

Today we’re going to discuss: Mo and Lan and the singular moron-flavoured braincell they share, bond or no bond. More seriously, however: I’ve noticed a few bits of commentary/takes/analysis of the current state of their…well state, let’s be frank here, and realised that my contrary ass has: Different Opinions. So I figured I’d share them. Bc that’s what I do.

(Obligatory disclaimer that there is no right or wrong way to interpret something - that’s why it’s an interpretation, and this is not a call out or a “oh wow you’re wrong and here’s why!!!!” post directed at anyone or anything. Just my observation that I am going against the grain of what I’ve seen and thus throwing out: a new chew toy for us to gnaw on).

Also: please do note that this post will cover, rather extensively/in-depth, the trauma arc that Lan and Moiraine are going through at the moment and will contain trigger warnings for: depression, PTSD, trauma response, rape (in the context of the analogy that Verin presented), suicide, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempt (again: all in the context of the show/previous events), and everything related to the topics that have been raised in the first two episodes for these characters. Be safe and tap out if you need to!

So. Obligatory wiffle aside: what shall we discuss? In a nutshell (bc I’m real good at that) I’m covering how, as I see it/am fascinated by it: the responses that they’re having to each other at the moment are mirrors/insights into the responses that they’re each having to the recent traumas that they’ve both suffered. In more depth/the points where I think I differ from the norm we’re going to cover: 

1)-why Lan is: not an idiot, actually. I see it as him being still perfectly capable of READING/understanding Moiraine without the bond; what he’s having difficulty with is COMMUNICATING with her without the bond

2)- that Moiraine is actually: ALSO failing dismally at communicating with Lan, and that she’s doing: a real fucking bad job of manipulating him. (is she HURTING him? Yes. 100%. Is she MANIPULATING him into doing what she wants? Given that she clearly wants nothing more than for him to: leave her, and that after 5 solid months he has: not left, I’m just going to put out the idea that maybe she’s not quite meeting her all of her targets in this area.

3)- wow they’re both doing incredibly stupid things, and they’re doing them for the same incredibly stupid reasons, and they are, in fact: INCREDIBLY THE SAME. See: singular moron-flavoured brain cell. This manifests slightly differently, due to their own individual traumas influencing the specifics of their actions/thought processes - but the general underlying thesis is the same for both.

The TL;DR here is that: these weirdos still know each other, and love each other, and understand each other without their bond. Can they communicate any of what they want to communicate in any kind of effective way? No. No they cannot. They BOTH suck. (I say that with legitimately all the love in the world).

So. Let’s start with Lan. Purely because I think my takes on him are the most Spicy/differ the most from everyone else’s and, let’s be honest, everything here feeds into everything else and this is going to get complicated where I start SO. Drama first. (I think it’s what they would want).

Okay so first and foremost I want to try and establish/explain what I mentioned at the outset of this thing which is: Lan is not blind, he’s not stupid, and he is not suddenly completely and utterly incapable of understanding a single feel that Moiraine feels if he can’t feel it with her via bond.

The largest and most obvious piece of evidence for this feels like the best one to start with and, for me, this is the fact that: HE DIRECTLY AND COMPLETELY CALLS HER OUT ON HER BULLSHIT, TO HER FACE, TWICE!!! 

“Don’t smile at me. You can shut me out, try to drive me away, but don’t you dare smile at me. As though everything is fine. As though you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”

This is from episode 1, where he finally snaps at her after she gives him that fake ass little smile and is like ‘is an aes sedai not allowed her secrets’ when he tries to talk to her/get her to explain: literally anything to him. And THAT is what pushes him over the edge. 

She has been cold. She has been dismissive. She has flat out ignored him like he’s not even present. He has taken it all. Not happily, and with obvious frustration, but he hasn’t said a peep. Not when she gives him one brusque, dismissive one-word orders (“door”) like a dog. Or when she deliberately turns away from him and refuses to so much as look at them - he endures all of that and just takes it and let’s her do it. Because he understands that this is her current expression of: not being fine. 

If she WAS fine, she would not be doing these things, and he knows that, and I think sees it as something like a storm to weather? It is something that will pass (he hopes) if he has the patience and the strength to wait it out. When she smiles at him? When she tries to make a JOKE out of what she’s doing? Out of the secrets that she’s been keeping from him - secrets like the fact that she was planning on going to the Eye of the World to die without him - THAT is not acceptable. She’s smiling at him and trying to joke with him as though they’re still capable of that - as though they can still tease each other the way they did, as though things are fine, both in herself, and between them, and they are NOT. When she’s treating him like a slave, or a stranger, or an annoyance - that is strangely better - because it’s this unspoken acknowledgement/agreement (the only one they’ve been able to achieve) that this is because things are not fine. She treats him badly because she’s not fine, he KNOWS she’s treating him badly because she’s not fine - is a strange kind of shared truth. Like sarcasm - something said/done where both parties know that the meaning/intent is completely different. Smiling, joking, pretending she’s fine? That is an insult, because he knows damn well she is NOT in that place.

Okay, so let’s look at the second instance of this, which occurs in episode 2 (oh how quaint) and is as follows: 

L: “Then tell me! You and I have walked this path together. Every step, every choice, every sacrifice.”

M: “We have never walked this path together. You have never seen the forest for the trees because I have never shown it to you.”

L: “I know what you’re trying to do. You can’t push me away.”

Again, as with the previous scene, he tries to get her to talk to him, to stop keeping secrets from him, to share this with her and let him help her carry her burdens the way they always have. She puts him walls, she, again, tries to force distance - she tells him that they have never been together as he says. And he calls her out. AGAIN. He knows what she’s trying to do. It hasn’t changed. She’s still just doing the same thing she’s been doing from the start of episode 1 - trying to force him away, because she’s desperate, and she’s suffering, and she doesn’t have anything else but this - even if he knows what she’s doing, even if it hasn’t worked so far. 

Both of them are guilty of this - both of them get one idea stuck in their minds of how to handle this situation/how to fix everything, and they both refuse to change. They both dig their heels in, plant their stakes, pick their hills to die on, and are refuse to budge for love, money, or common sense. For Lan it’s in trying to get her to talk, to open up, to push back on the destructive coping mechanisms she’s got - trying to force her to include him, tying to force her to include herself and come to dinner with them etc. For Mo it’s this: it’s pushing him away, because she is no longer worthy of him (and believes she never was) and protecting him.

(to continue this: unhinged adventure, pls continue under the cut!)

So she commits to this, even if she honestly knows it probably won’t work now, either. (she empties her entire quiver on him in this scene, and the atomic bomb she had in her back pocket too for good measure. These things she’s been holding back in reserve, the last cards to play - that she misled him about Rand’s death, that she has discovered they (and notice that she still says “we” when she talks about this - even though she went to the Eye alone, even though she made that choice alone, even though she rejects the idea that they have been together on this quest, as he says - when she is not actively choosing every word to hurt him, she thinks of them and what they’ve done as an unconscious “we” and a unit) have freed Ishamael/possibly other Forsaken - one after the other, meant to just overwhelm him and be the final coup de grace. And it STILL doesn’t work. She unleashes everything she has on him and he STILL insists that he’s not leaving her. And it’s because he knows - as he just said - what she’s doing, and why. And he will not let her. And he says that to her “I’m not letting you walk away from me again” - because the last time he did: she went to the Eye to get herself killed. And it’s only by some miracle and twist of cruelty that she was left alive to suffer instead.

Also I’m going to take a brief sidebar here, before we move on to Further Evidence/thoughts on this. But I think that it’s really important to consider LAN’S trauma in what he’s doing and why? Like, I think people are doing this for Mo already? They recognise that she wouldn’t be behaving this way if she 1)- wasn’t trying to protect Lan (her intention) and 2)- wasn’t suffering the effects of her trauma/being cut off from the Power at the Eye. Lan is a little less obvious (both in that his trauma is not a single fixed point/event that’s very obvious and easy to refer back to; and that he’s a bit less blunt Lan Mo’s “brick to the face” techniques and motivations) but, as I said at the start: his reactions to Mo are a direct reflection/window into his own trauma responses.

So, as I just mentioned - Lan is SO adamant about not leaving Moiraine, not giving her the opportunity to distance them/push him away - because the last time she did that, in just nudging him, like, an inch to the left, she used that to mask their bond and skip off into the Blight to go get herself killed with Rand. And there is: no doubt, and no question, and no room for wiggling or negotiation on this. They BOTH were FULLY aware that that was a suicide mission. The first thing he says to her when he finds her is “you’re alive” - because he was sure that history was repeating on him.

Because I think that it’s very important to not just consider Mo’s actions here, I think it’s important to remember Lan’s experience with Stepin as well. The two played out very similarly for him/parallel each other almost exactly. They both talked to him about Nynaeve, encouraging him to seek a love and a life with her. They both manipulated him/the circumstances to make it impossible for him to try and protect them - Stepin by drugging him, and Moiraine by masking the bond so he was unable to sense her, so that they could leave him. They both had clear plans and intentions - and both of their ultimate goals was for it to end in their death (obviously the REASONS behind this are very different - Mo was trying to save the world; while Stepin’s had already ended). But in both cases, Lan wakes up alone, realising that they’ve left him, realising, instantly, what they intend to do and in both cases: he was too late and he feels that he failed. Stepin he finds dead - and the only reason that he DOESN’T find that has happened to Mo is not because of something he did, it’s not because he got to her in time, it’s not because he protected her, it’s not because HE did anything at all - it’s just because some whim of cruelty decided to spare her. And these two events happen within, like, a week of each other I want to say? Like that’s…That’s an incredibly damaging and traumatising thing to go through ONCE - but back to back? How guilty must he have felt? How ANGRY with himself? Because how could he not have learned? How could he have let this happen AGAIN?

Of course he’s terrified now. Of course he’s terrified that if he leaves she’s going to die. Of course he refuses - past the point of any sense or reason - to just back down and leave. He is certain that if he does it will mean the death of the person that he loves the most in this world. And it will be HIS fault. She’s being cruel to him, she’s pushing him away, she’s ignoring him, she’s ordering him around, she’s deliberately pushing every button he’s got, and stabbing her knife in every sensitive spot she’s discovered over the last twenty years. And what kind of weak, selfish, useless person would he be to let that be all it takes for him to just say ‘well fine, I’ll just abandon you and let you kill yourself without me’. He cannot fail again. He WILL NOT fail again. He has been here, history is repeating on him again and he will not let it. Whatever she says to him. However she hurts him. Whatever he has to endure to weather this storm with her he will. Because none of this pain even comes CLOSE to what it will be like if he leaves her and she hurts herself and that is entirely his fault.

(Note: I do not actually think that Moiraine is actively suicidal at this point. As Verin notes - she chooses to fight every day. She wakes up, she fills her buckets, she puts one foot in front of the other and she clearly keeps going. It’s wobbly, and it’s messy, and she’s clearly grieving and depressed and traumatised - but she is not suicidal. Does LAN know that? Can Lan, without the bond, and with Stepin, and the Eye, haunting him even begin to scrape together the required rationality to see that? No. Lan sees Moiraine as being in just as much danger as she sees him being in and all he can do, all he has left to do in this world is protect her. And so he will).

To conclude the wrap of: the most painful breakup scene in the history of the world (for me and my present blorbos at this present moment in time, anyway) I want to just talk about the infamous “we were never equals”. And a lot of it has been covered, and I agree with the takes that Moiraine does not believe herself equal to Lan (and never did (SELF ESTEEM ISSUES!? IN MY CODEPENDENT PLATONIC SOULMATE RELATIONSHIP!? NOOOOO!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)) and that is how she’s able to say this oath wise. I just want to touch on the fact that some people seem to be like ‘bro how can u not see what she’s saying DIRECTLY TO UR FACE, BRO!? COME ON LAN. LISTEN!!!!’ and like. So, to bring up a controversial and possible shocking observation: Lan is, in fact: still a human being! Emotions are messy, and logic is a fine and wonderful thing from a couch, yelling at your tv screen, and with the delightful ability to rewind and replay conversations/moments in time to be able to link them together nicely.

But Moiraine has been cruel to him for months at this point in an effort to drive him away. And, as discussed - he knows what she’s doing. He knows WHY she’s doing it. He is enduring it and putting up with it and stomaching it without throwing things at her because he knows it’s an expression of pain and is a reaction to what she’s been through. But he’s also hurt by it. Not least because: even if she’s only SAYING these things to hurt him/drive him away - she still believes them enough that they’re true for her to be able to actually get them out of her mouth. That HURTS. That’s going to break you down, that’s going to GET to you, that’s going to be thing that keeps him up at night and just echoes in his head over and over again and like - my man’s self-esteem and self-worth wasn’t actually sitting up at the peak of Dragonmount BEFORE 5 months of this, like dear Light people.

To have the person you love the most in this world tell you that “I don’t want my saddle to slip” (I don’t trust you to do this for me), to have her admit that she deliberately misled him, that she has actively kept important, possibly world-changing events from you, that she says, to your face - the thing that you are MOST afraid of, the thing that tormented him via Machin Shin, the thing that torments him still about Stepin - that he FAILED her? For her to believe that so firmly that it’s truth to her? Of course he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her? Of course he’s willing to take what she says at face value. SHE CAN’T FUCKING LIE!!!! And the set-up to this is so important, because she goes right for the jugular in this scene, and she does so repeatedly, in quick succession.

So she hits him with: ‘actually I lied when I said before that WE were going to the Tower - I’m going on my own without you. We yote a forsaken out into the world OOPS. -I refuse to explain anything to you. -We have never been walking this path together. -I have never showed you everything, I have always hidden things from you. -OH also ur lil sheepherder dude is actually: not dead and never was, I #lied to ur face abt that. -I am loyal to the Dragon - and ONLY him. -You can’t protect me anymore without the bond. -No, you’re not my Warder, you failed me, and I would be dead in spite of you if not for the help of people more competent than you. -ALSO here’s our good buddy Alanna and I am going to THREATEN TO HAVE HER TAKE YOUR BOND BY FORCE IF YOU KEEP REFUSING ME and I arranged this ahead of time to make this right. ALL of this gets dumped on his head in the space of LITERALLY AROUND TWO MINUTES. Like damn Mo the bloody Fades were less efficient than that.

He has just had all of that thrown in his face - the things she’s been holding back, keeping in case she needed them - her lying to him, her isolating him, her NEVER walking this path with him or ever showing him all that she saw, telling him that he is not her Warder anymore, that he has FAILED to protect her, that she will have him bonded against his will just to get rid of him. And he stands there on the ground, while she gazes down at him from on top of her horse (which she mounted - for the first time we’ve seen on screen - without his aid (which is a GUTTING little touch, because we see him smoothly and seamlessly help her mount a couple of times in season 1)) and she just says, to his face, the TRUTH, as he asked for: they were never equals.

And she can say that because she believes that he is better than her, and we know that, but can you blame him for not quite catching that in the moment????? She’s just told him that he’s a failure, that she’d be dead and he didn’t do a damn thing to protect her, that she will have someone bond him forcibly - and in this moment she just says what he’s been thinking for months, for YEARS honestly, given what machin shin torments him with “you can’t protect her. You’ll watch her die.” Of course he believes it. He is ALREADY taking an irrational level of responsibility over all of this, over what he perceives as his failures.

Adeleas calls him out for this and tells him he’s taking it too personally (and he IS) - he is assuming responsibility for not preventing something as though that means that he caused it. And again: this is a trauma response. This is an overreaction to a perceived series of circumstances that led to the death of a friend he’s had for possibly decades, to the one person he is supposed to protect, who he let go on a suicide mission alone so that he could get fucking laid, who he let slip away from him AGAIN to get attacked by Fades - where he failed her FOR A THIRD TIME. But like…He starts this little conversation off with her by apologising because he didn’t sense the Fades. He has: absolutely no way, reasonable or other ways, to sense INVISIBLE CREATURES THAT MOVE THROUGH SHADOW without the bond giving him the ability to do so. It’s a ridiculous thing to say. It has no logic to it at all and that’s the POINT. He is not capable of logic about this situation. He is blaming himself for everything - every single thing he can think of, whether it’s reasonable or not, is his fault, and his responsibility - he should have sensed the fades, he should have sensed her leaving, he should have stopped her going to the Eye, he should have stopped her from being cut off. He is trying to assert control, he is trying to assign blame and reason to the things that have happened to him - to the losses he has suffered - so that he can stop suffering them. And he can’t. He can’t. It happens over. And over. And over. AND OVER again. The trolloc blade that hit Moiraine in the Two Rivers and nearly killing her. Logain’s shield exploding and the axe handle piercing her side and nearly killing her. Being drugged by Stepin who killed himself while Lan was absent. Letting himself be distracted by Nynaeve while Mo went to the Eye. Missing Mo leaving AGAIN and her being attacked by the Fades. Actually getting there while the attack was in progress finally at LAST being able to DO something, to STOP something - and he can’t even fucking manage that. Over and over and over he fails people and he loses them and it’s his fault and he can’t stop it. He’s been retraumatised by circumstance, and is now retraumatising HIMSELF by adding even more perceived failings to the existing tally. Of course he believes her. He’s just been waiting for her to say that to him from the day they bonded. NO ONE IN THIS DYNAMIC HAS ANY SELF-ESTEEM. LIKE THEY STARTED WITH ZERO TOTAL AND SOMEHOW IT’S GOTTEN WORSE.

Okay so shifting focus slightly for the last thing I want to say about Lan, but still related, because: the problem (for me) is not that they cannot read/understand each other, it’s that they cannot COMMUNICATE with each other. And there is a distinction here. Lan’s issue is not lack of understanding where Mo is at - he sees her suffering, knows she’s not fine, understands she is reacting to the loss she endured at the Eye, he gets that. He’s known her for twenty years - bond or no bond - he knows what pain looks like when he sees it in her eyes. That’s not it. What he’s struggling with, and what he’s frustrated by is that they are not TALKING. He knows how she’s feeling - he doesn’t know what to do about that. He doesn’t know how to TALK about that with her. He doesn’t know how to fix it because she refuses to engage with it at all - and they’re SO bad at this that they don’t even get to the part where she can ignore him trying to talk abt the actual problem, bc she just nips it in the bud and ignores him/deflects him from the opening bland ‘small-talk’ set-up questions to start making forrays into that. 

Because before all of that would have happened instinctively via the bond - she feels the bad feels, he knows why, he sends the required good feels back/makes her tea/gives her an extra blanket/just responds without having to think about and, and this is the key point: without having to talk. Because, let’s be real here: these idiots BOTH suck at talking about their emotions/needs. Genuinely think they would both just lie on the ground and fucking die rather than say ‘I need a bandage because I’m BLEEDING PROFUSELY FROM EVERY ORIFICE.’ Because they’re deeply repressed, traumatised people who were never given the tools/language/space they needed to be able to safely and healthily learn to express their feels (but that…is a different piece of meta for another day). 

THE POINT IS: we’re now going to turn to my beloved, my man, my favourite, the myth, the legend, the ICON: Tomas and his tomatoes. And by this I do of course mean that we’re doing a deep dive of the scene where Tomas gives Lan some advice after they go out to the (absolutely THRIVING - good job my man) garden to pick some tomatoes for dinner (or at least….Tomas goes out to pick tomatoes for dinner; and Lan goes out to brood in his proximity while he does so. ) But eh. Tomayto, tomahto….) ANYWAY: 

So this scene gives Lan a chance to talk about losing the bond - and I think that is important as well? Likely obviously Moiraine is Going Through It here, and Lan hasn’t been cut off from the Power/isn’t dealing with that experience but WE DON’T PLAY TRAUMA OLYMPICS IN THIS HOUSE!!! PAIN IS PAIN AND IT SHOULD ALL BE VALIDATED AND DEALT WITH IN A CONSTRUCTIVE AND POSITIVE WAY. Ahem. Anyway. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: QUOTE TIME AGAIN;

“The bond made things easier. It was like a friend walking along with us chatting away so we never had to.”

I think this is a really interesting (and honestly fascinating) way to describe the bond - to personify it and see it as another individual existing between them and making things easier by doing the things that they both struggle to do - use their goddamn words. 

“She’s tired, she’s hungry, she’s angry, she’s afraid. Now silence.”

This part, too, I think is really telling. Because if I had to put money on it and pick out the Top 4 Feelings Moiraine Is Having I think I could do a lot worse than ‘tired, hungry, angry, and afraid’. He KNOWS how she’s feeling. He can read that in her still. He doesn’t need the bond to tell him that. That’s not what he’s missing. He doesn’t need the bond to point out what she’s feeling to him, and he doesn’t miss that aspect, he misses the ‘chatting away’, he misses the noise, he misses the COMMUNICATION, and he is struggling with the silence.

THAT is what the bond used to do for them - it used to ‘chat away so they never had to’. A friend, a helper, who facilitated between them and allowed them to communicate when they couldn’t speak/didn’t have the words. We see this over and over and OVER again in season 1. They have whole ass conversations without making a single peep. Most notably in extremely tense or emotional moments - Kerene’s funeral and the look they share, Lan struggling with Stepin’s grief, coming to Moiraine, kneeling beside her, holding her hand - so much happens in that scene in particular. Without saying a word he communicates an exhaustion, a fatigue, a grief and a sorrow - a need for comfort and support - and she gives it. At Stepin’s funeral - the lookk that he gives her, the way he seeks her in the crowd, again needing her strength, which she gives to him through their bond and across a room. THAT’S what’s gone. That’s what he keeps trying to get back. 

Because he gives her that same look - that same obvious cry for help and look of desperation at the end of ep 1 with the Fade battle. He is WRECKED he is DONE, he’s disarmed, he cannot stand, he can barely crawl - he NEEDS her, he needs her strength, he needs her help. She tries to channel - she reaches for the power, as she would once have reached for him through their bond - and it does not come. It is not there. It cannot help them. And the words that he speaks to her then echo a repeated sentiment he’s had for her throughout: “what aren’t you telling me?”

The bond isn’t there to talk for her anymore. And she refuses. Consistently. Verin and Adeleas comment on Bayle visiting - and Lan notes that she doesn’t tell him any more than she tells them. After Bayle is gone, Lan tries to small talk, he slaps on a casual little smile and he asks a mundane ‘let’s start the ball rolling on that conversation thing’ question, easy to answer, nothing tense, nothing painful, a very common “how did it go?” she ignores him. He presses further - asks who that person was? She gives him the bare minimum (and doesn’t answer the question he’s ACTUALLY asking) and then he tries to push again - what did she want. At which point she hits him with that fake smile and the ‘can an aes sedai not have her secrets?’ - and he’s not even really asking for much. He’s not asking what he actually wants to ask which is: how are you? Are you okay? What can I do? What do you need? What are you thinking? And this idea repeats - in ep 2, when he tries to point out it takes 8 aes sedai to cut someone off, she snaps that he has no conception of the power the forsaken have - so he snaps at her to tell him then. And she refuses. 

They are both FEELING - and their feelings are seen. Lan sees how Mo struggles he sees how she shuts herself away, he sees that she’s not eating, and not sleeping, that she’s frustrated, and she’s frightened. Mo sees that she’s hurting him, she sees that he’s frustrated as well. They know this. But they’re not TALKING. They’re not COMMUNICATING. And at the dinner sequence - this is what Verin, Adeleas and Tomas try to give them advice about - their history is the “common language” that they are; maybe he needs to listen to what she IS saying and not try and demand her to say other things. They don’t know how to talk about things like this - they’re not good at that ANYWAY - but with each other? When they’ve never had to before? When for once, for the first time for both of them, it was effortless to share these things and communicate these deep insecurities and emotions that they struggle to give to others? THAT’S what they’re lacking and that’s what the biggest problem is.

Alright let’s leave poor Lan be for now, I have tormented him enough. On to Momo. This will (hopefully, dear god) be shorter, because people have covered Mo before. We know that she’s traumatised, we know she’s trying to push Lan away to protect him, we know she’s trying to regain control, she feels powerless, she feels helpless, she is trying to deal with something life-altering, something that made her vulnerable and helpless, she’s being reckless with her safety, she’s taking foolish risks etc etc.

The point I want to touch on here is the idea around her ‘manipulating’ Lan, because I usually see this go hand-in-hand with the Lan stuff I talked about already. Largely: how ironic that without the bond Lan doesn’t understand her/cannot read her, but Moiraine is doing it so well with him and i must: respectfully decline to go along with that perspective. And this is (I imagine u know what im going to say now) *inhales deeply* because they SUCK AT COMMUNICATING!!!! 

It doesn’t really MATTER that he is trying to open her up/communicate that he loves her, and he’s there for her, and he wants to support her; while she is trying to communicate the same - she loves him, she cares about him, she wants to protect him. They are both: failing dismally. Lan’s incessant pestering of Mo to talk to him is just making her clam up more and more because she can’t and what’s more: she doesn’t bloody want to. She wants to shove her trauma under a rug in the corner of Verin’s study, and then she wants to drag a bookshelf over the top of it, and then she wants to fill the bookcase with books, and then she wants to put a whole bunch of extra things on top of the bookcase, and then she wants to flee the country and forget that any of that ever exists because she does not want to deal with it. And Lan keeps pushing. He keeps trying to make her talk, because he’s desperate, and he misses the chattering of their friend the bond, and he wants to help, her wants her to let him back in, and it’s just pissing her off. Which is what the cottage squad calls him out for (when will Mo get her ‘come to jesus’ talk?? For Fairness? Like i need this too).

So Lan is coming at this: far too softly, and far too indirectly in a lot of ways. He never asks about what he actually wants to ask about. He talks about the weather, or how shiny Aldieb’s coat is this morning, or how nice and red and juicy Tomas’s tomatoes are. He never actually just says what he wants to say which is: “I love you, and I’m worried about you, and I’m failing you more and more every day and I’m sorry and I need you” he pussyfoots around it and avoids it and lets her shut him down because that hurts and, well, he deserves that hurt so alright then.

And then there’s Mo. Who has managed to somehow twist the logic of the universe so that she can say “I love you” by, uh *checks notes*: Not saying anything at all/ignoring him. Or by saying things like “you failed me” instead. Because she is just THAT powerful. Okay I’m being a bit sarcastic here, clearly, but she has convinced herself (based on how her trauma is affecting her) that she: 1)- does not deserve Lan/is not worthy of him and so he should leave her so he can be happy and 2)- she needs to protect him and so he should leave her and go and be safe.

Maybe she tried to articulate this at some point? Sit him and down and be like ‘okay Allan so I know u have a lot of trauma abt, like, being abandoned/being left behind so ppl u love can go do themselves great harm but…it would REALLY be just swell for me if u left me all by myself while i go through possibly the worst things that’s ever happened to me: alone. Okay? Okay.” However I doubt this. Bc, as previously and repeatedly discussed: these two can’t communicate for SHIT right now.

I think she probably made some sort of roundabout suggestion? Like she didn’t directly say ‘you need to leave me because reasons’ but she probably…asked him to go the White Tower and watch over Nyn and Eggy, or maybe go with Perrin and the Shienarans to help, or even ‘hey remember Mat? The little scrungly one?? I wonder where he is’ and he just told her ‘absolutely fucking not’ (or words to that effect) so she had to try something else instead. Which is: being mean af.

So far so good and I think we’re all (relatively) in agreement to this point. But then people think…She’s being successful here? And she’s reading him well - largely because she knows EXACTLY what to say to hurt him? And yes, she absolutely does, I will 100% give you that. Blade directly to the heart each and every time, she never misses. HOWEVER. This is not the actual point. Causing Lan pain is not her endgame - it’s actually just the painful middle step that’s hurting her too to try and get her to her endgame.

Manipulation essentially involves doing ‘y’ (in this case being deliberately cruel/causing Lan pain) to make the person do ‘x’ (in this case: push Lan away and make him leave her), in theory/if it’s super successful: without the person realising that you’ve orchestrated this/making it seem like it was all their idea/decision. This is, uh, not working too great. It’s been 5 months and Lan is probably less likely to leave her now than he was when she started (because he now has 5 months worth of knowing that she is actively trying to get him to leave so she can do the Light only knows what and if that’s what she wants him to do while she’s in this state then it’s absolutely the last thing that he feels he should do - so in that sense this has actually backfired kinda spectacularly on Mo. Because: SHE’S COMMUNICATING JUST AS BADLY AS HE IS!!!!!!!!!! Just. On the COMPLETE opposite end of the spectrum to him. Because they’re drama and aesthetic that way.

And the added bonus content of this is: she CAN do this. She can (and does) manipulate people spectacularly well. Take Bayle for example (god she needed that little win SO badly, bless her and her buckets). She wanted: to see/examine the broken heartstone - but what is she actually going to DO with it? She doesn’t want to put it in a fancy display case or collect it, she wants to know WHY it broke. So what she ACTUALLY wants from him is information. Information such as: the poem. So she haggles with him on the thing she actually wants - makes him feel like he’s getting a win when he agrees to budge on that, far cheaper, item - but then he counters and says that he won’t move on the heartstone chunk itself - which she has no interest in. So she gets her essential infodump poem for a bargain price, and takes Bayle down like six pegs in the process. 10/10, excellently managed misdirection, making him do all the work and lowering the price of the poem so she didn’t even have to ask for it, and making himself look like a plonker into the bargain. Delicious. She CAN manipulate people - she just cannot manipulate Lan (not in this instance/about this anyway) because she’s as wrongfooted as he is, and is scrambling as much as he is without the bond, to try and find a language she never thought she’d need to try and speak with him.

And so if we now consider BOTH of them: they’re in this very weird space here, where the traumas that they have suffered, and the reactions they’re having are placing them in this fundamental position of opposition. Because their needs/the things they believe/have convinced themselves they have to do put them in direct conflict with one another. They’re like an immovable object meets an unstoppable force, right? And this idea reveals itself in several smaller ways - eg: Lan thinking that Mo needs company and to not isolate herself to get better; while for Mo that just feels completely intolerable and she wants to be alone and in Her Space, her study, where she is in control and can pretend to her visitors/informants that all is well and nothing has changed. But I think the biggest point it revolves around/where it’s most obvious is that, ultimately, their absolute overall goal is to protect the other person?

The difference/tragedy of this is that: Moiraine believes fundamentally that Lan is in danger WITH her, and that she has to make him leave in order to protect him. Lan believes fundamentally that Moiraine will be in danger WITHOUT him and that he has to stay in order to protect her. And this is the hill they’ve both chosen as their last stand/thing to die for. So she is going to push him and push him and push him, and she is going to hurt HERSELF by being crueller and crueller and crueller to him to protect him. And all the while he is going to endure and endure and endure and let himself be hurt to protect her.

AND THEN IT GETS WORSE (or better if ur twisted and u enjoy these kinds of parallels the way i do) because: they are both stubbornly trying to protect the other; but they’re also both feeling like they’re martyring themselves/are hurting themselves more and more to do so. She feels like he is being stubborn and forcing her to hurt him more and more every day - which she does not want to do - when he could just go, just let this end, just leave her the way she clearly wants him to! But this will make her stronger. She will be stronger for this, for having let him go, and for knowing that at least she managed to protect him. So she will just keep going - tomorrow, that will do it, he has to break tomorrow, he has to finally break tomorrow. And this goes on. The next day. Maybe the next day. The next–

And then HE feels like he is enduring, and that the pain she is inflicting on him is his cross to bear, and he has to endure it because he will NOT leave her, no matter what she throws at him. And it’s almost a test of his will and his love and his devotion (even though I think he knows it’s not: but it’s kind of become his own little personal quest. Because yes. Yes he SHOULD suffer this way. She SHOULD hurt him like this. He deserves it after how he failed her. He has to take this pain. He has to prove what he’s willing to go through for her, prove how dedicated he is, how much he will suffer for her, how even she cannot break him). And he too is thinking that next day it will get better. If he can just endure, just survive this onslaught, it will end. It will get better. She will get better. This will pass. He just has to prove his strength and last as long as he needs to in order to see that through.

And, to bring us back to the start of this extremely long and rambling essay I present you my final, deeply insightful, deeply professional, deeply ~meta~ thought which is that: they are BOTH. SO. FUCKING. S T U P I D!!!! (in a genuinely really interesting and complex and  fascinating way, as i have hopefully discussed/explained - the idea that their lost bond/connection makes them mirror/echo each other but now in a destructive way? That instead of seamlessly and instinctively meeting each others’ needs they are both unconsciously and unintentionally triggering the other person’s trauma and making things WORSE? What an absolutely fascinating take/an incredibly subtle but profound way to show the depth of exactly what they’ve lost/how much it has affected them while ALSO rooting the entire thing in their individual traumas, experiences, and characters - like who ever wrote/conceived of this NEEDS A GODDAMN RAISE I SWEAR) But also yes they are: morons. Absolutely. Without a doubt. One singular moron brain cell that ping pongs between the two of them but is, fundamentally: the same. Absolutely fucking delighted. Can’t wait to see where this goes from here. Join me again in the future for me: ‘wow Rowyn that’s a whole lotta thoughts u got there buddy’.

Also I swear I’m friendly and I like engaging/talking with ppl! Pls feel free to comment/reblog/message!!! And do note that if u reblog i WILL read and appreciate ur tags bc im: one of those Old People. 

OKAY BYEEEEEE!!!

[chaifootsteps]

[Regarding Mental Health Themes in the Leaks]

((Substance abuse mentions))

Seeing Helluva be praised for how well it “handles mental health” because of the Fizz episode, makes me so so mad, because of how terribly they’re mishandling anti depressants, and have been ableist themselves. From using the R slur twice, to messing with captions as a ‘joke’

First of all they call anti depressants by the most juvenile name possible “anti sads” or something like that (are you fucking kidding me right now? That is not all that they do) they show a character who has just consumed strong alcohol, grabbing a handful of tablets, literally overdosing. And then he just casually sings a song and the substances show no real effect on him. They show the character consuming strong medication as if it’s candy, just for some extra drama. And he’s fine??

Ok. No. That is so, so dangerous. Not only does mixing alcohol and mood stabilisers completely fuck up your brain chemistry, it makes depression symptoms far worse. I don’t even think there was a substance abuse trigger warning in the opening.

And all of this is manipulation of the audience to justify this characters entire seasons worth of abuse of other people. Fucking hell.

It gets worse going by the leaks.

So…if I’m getting things right, when confronted for destroying the already broken family, the show straight up shames Stolas for taking anti depressants? And gratuitously shows how much he’s been overdosing on them, as Via finds a giant box of the things. He has a lot to be shamed for, SA, abuse, classism, neglect, but this isn’t one of them. How ridiculous.

Secondly, Via finds these and says ‘so it was a lie all along!” it spreads the negative ableist stereotype that anti depressants are a “fake happiness” that makes you feel emotions you ‘don’t really have” and that the medication is just someone running from their problems with a quick fix.

People are already so fearful of taking this medication and staying on it, even when it helps them, because of negative stereotypes like this. And it’s being used in a melodramatic, backwards abuser storyline. At the end of Vias song it just has the most awkward zoom in on Blitz giving Stolas his jacket, and him crying (big fuckin surprise) cradling the shameful anti depressants.

Hell, replace the medication with that creepy as fuck imp doll stolas has used as an unresponsive bedmate since he was a kid, and it would make more sense. They’ve even implied that Via disturbingly overheard the sex, but it’s never mentioned.

Shame on Vivienne Medrano/Spindlehorse for this one. Fuck them. seriously.

I don't know what about the depiction of mental health in HB is worse to me...that Stolas's antidepressants are part of the reason his daughter cuts ties with him or the implication that all he needs to get off of those "anti sads" is a relationship with Blitzo.

Both are horrifying, and both are irresponsible.

[sad-drake-lyrics]

alright, i’m having a lot of feelings™ about giyushino & i have to talk about it because otherwise i will implode. i’ve liked the idea of them together from s1, like most people who ship them seem to; but then i stopped thinking about them much due to obsession with other ships, and also because after their initial altercation on Mount Natagumo they don’t really get much screentime together, so i just lost interest.

but in my modern day obamitsu AU (you can find my ao3 link on my page!), i’m featuring giyushino as a background ship, & i am starting to catch fucking feelings myself from writing them. (if you head off to read the fic, there’s only two chapters posted so far & Giyuu + Shinobu are not in it yet, but will be very soon.)

so, here we go. gimme a moment to ramble about what inspired these HCs / character analyses before i get to the meat & potatoes.

street lights by killedmyself is one of my favourite songs despite the fact it being really more of a piece of audio art than a song - it’s mainly a movie dialogue sample mixed with sad boi lo-fi beats, but i play it all the time because it somehow hurts so good. so i was listening to it when thinking of the aforementioned modern AU, & i had an epiphany like “holy fuck, this is exactly how a giyushino relationship would go down, whether in a canon AU or any other story.”

the sample in the song is from No Strings Attached, a typical romantic comedy/drama about two close friends who have a deep understanding of each other and casually have sex, but the guy catches feelings and the girl wants nothing to do with a relationship.

(honestly, most people would probably find this movie boring - it’s a basic white het ship storyline; i only watched it because of the song, & the conversation in the song is literally the best part - otherwise the movie is hella bland & i wouldn't care if i never saw it again LOL so i’m def. not saying “go watch this” here.)

anyway, i’m listening to this song, and i’m like “omg, i can hear Giyuu & Shinobu saying every fucking line.”

basically, in my mind, Giyuu & Shinobu would start hooking up just for the sake of it - probably as a result of a quiet development of closeness born essentially out of convenience (they are always at the Ubuyashiki Estate together or working together), and then one night boning goes down. they’re attracted to each other; they like each other as people; and then the sex is good, so it keeps happening.

& very quickly, sad boi Giyuu, who is typically self-isolated and depressed, starts crushing hard. he’s alone and he’s desperate for human interaction and affection, even though he doesn’t realize it - and Shinobu is beautiful, and he admires her. plus they’re starting to have a lot of sex; & it’s pretty common for that to bloom some sense of love, ranging from base level attachment to infatuation to real feels - and it gets to the point where Giyuu wants to be with her.

but Shinobu doesn’t want the same thing. she cares about him (more than she can admit), but she’s fiercely independent and immensely dedicated to her work (with all her research and crafting of medicines & poisons). she puts this work above absolutely everything else with self-denying devotion - her happiness doesn’t matter; like she tells Tanjirou, she’s angry, and all that matters is success. a relationship for her would be a distraction, & she doesn’t need it - doesn’t want to deal with it; too many emotional ups & downs; too much drama; too much risk; too much intimacy with someone else, which actually terrifies her. so when Giyuu tells her he wants a relationship, she rejects him.

now let’s take the samples that slap me in the face with giyushino feels from street lights, which i can literally hear coming out of their fucking mouths.

Shinobu: You know me, this stuff freaks me out. It's fake. What’s wrong with what we’re doing? It’s working, we don’t have to fight -

Giyuu: Maybe I wanna fight.

Shinobu: Yeah, well I don’t.

Giyuu: What are you gonna do - you’re just never gonna feel anything? How are you gonna do that?

Shinobu: I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.

^ this exchange already starts murdering me because i feel like once Giyuu realizes he has legitimate feelings for Shinobu, and is wrestling with his own self-denial and inability to accept love from others because of how much he hates himself - he sees that Shinobu does the same thing - she doesn’t want to feel anything too deeply because she’s traumatized from Kanae’s death. she doesn’t want to love anyone else in a way that makes them more important than anything else (though, yes, we have to also acknowledge her love for Kanao here, but i imagine that's it for her - no more), so that she can’t experience loss again. she’s scared; she protects herself by being self-sufficient and dedicating herself to her work.

she's also stubborn asf, and sincerely believes in herself and what she's capable of, and so "I don't know. I'll figure it out." is literally what she would respond to this challenge.

Shinobu: I don’t need you to take care of me. I take care of myself. That’s what I do.

^ destroying me because this is exactly what Shinobu does. this is her MO; her armor.

Shinobu: Why don’t you go find some other girl who’s not gonna hurt you?

Giyuu: Because I love you.

^ help. why are they like this. it’s because Giyuu’s so alone, but when he feels, he feels deeply (seen even in his initially inexplicable sentimentality for Tanjirou & Nezuko from the beginning, all the way to when we finally hear his backstory with Sabito). he’s smart and intuitive, he can see right through Shinobu - right through everything she does to protect herself. he also doesn’t give up on people he cares about, and his sad boi meter is off the charts - he probably thinks he deserves rejection. plus we have Shinobu pushing everyone away so hard because she can’t handle it.

also going off the HC here that they’re casually hooking up throughout this: oh boy is this a mess of confusing emotions for both of them, both struggling to keep it bottled up, and Giyuu is clearly the weaker link. he just would be. he’s too sensitive.

Giyuu: It’s obvious, I completely love you - there. You’re such a wimp.

Shinobu: I am not!

Giyuu: Well then be with me.

^ why is this dialogue like, canon. it’s their personalities to a T - the way they push at each other in a way of making fun of each other; the way Giyuu is honest despite his problems with feelings; the way strong, independent Shinobu would be so offended at him calling her a wimp (which he totally would fucking say) - calling her out on how she blocks out feelings for others to stay focused on her mission so she can protect them, but so she also can’t get heartbroken, because she can’t go through that again.

*cough*

anyway. there’s my roughly 1k word count essay on how i envision a romantic giyushino dynamic. i’ll be trying to work this into my modern AU - but considering Giyuu and Shinobu are secondary characters, i don’t know how much i can explore this; still, i don’t have the full fic planned out, so nothing’s off the table.

but seriously, this shit hits me in my gut so hard i could probably write an entire fic about them just on this premise lol.

anyway, yeah. woke up at 7:30, made a cup of coffee, sat down on the computer and just wrote this essay out of nowhere in an hour because suddenly giyushino is also ruining my life.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 1

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “Why the hell do I keep doing this to myself? I hate it.”

I sat preparing for my latest virtual meeting to discuss the final report that I had sent to the company I was currently working with. I work as a Technical and Organizational Consultant for one of the largest consulting firms in LA. While I loved what I did, I hated the people part of my job. People could be combative or downright insulting when they didn’t like what I had to say about their company or their role. For someone with high functioning anxiety, these meetings could be literal torture. After reading through my report for the third time that morning, I sat back in my chair staring at the wall, unblinking. My right hand was sitting just below my collarbone with fingers lightly tapping on the curve of my shoulder. It was one of my many nervous habits. Outwardly it just appeared that I was deep in thought. On the inside, I was working myself up to a mild internal panic attack that never had any obvious signs to the casual observer. I could feel my chest tightening and my heart was starting to pick up pace. I took a deep breath and tried to relax a little. 

My phone buzzed on the table. It was a text message from my best friend, Lauren.

LAUREN: I swear the nerve of some people. I had a lady criticizing everything I said during my stained-glass workshop this morning. Like, why are you even here if you know how to do it already?!?! Respectfully ma’am, please go back to your bridge. What a ducking troll. Anyway, long story short, I’m done early. I’ll be there soon with coffee.

LAUREN: Damn you autocorrect. Let me be angry! 

I laughed to myself. She was such a nut. 

ME: Lol! Can’t wait to hear all the gory details of how that worked out for her. Come on in. I’m about to jump on this virtual meeting so I can get yelled at. 

LAUREN: Engage bitch mode. You’ll be fine and they will regret their existence. 

ME: Don’t worry, you know my face is in perpetual bitch mode anyway and I can’t seem to fix it. At least I have that going for me. 

LAUREN: I am happy you are finally embracing it. 

I set my phone back down and joined the meeting. I could always tell who was going to be the problem as soon as we got started. This time it would be one of the division heads, Mr. Smith. He wasn’t fully engaged with the small talk and pleasantries while we waited for everyone to join. He looked agitated and fidgety. I had a feeling he would be a problem when I was on-site for the visit. He didn’t like all the questions and was reluctant to provide details on his processes. Once everyone joined, we immediately dove into the report and discussions about ways to improve the company. 

Lauren walked in just as we were getting to the part I was dreading. She set my coffee to the side of my laptop and sat opposite me at the table, scrolling through her phone. Intently listening to the drama unfold. 

Mr. Smith interrupted me as I began going over my findings for his area.

“Sorry, to interrupt…,” I could feel the tension form in my jaw. I could only imagine what my face looked like. He continued, “I don’t really think this is necessary. I’ve got everything figured out with logistics and it seems to be working pretty well. I don’t understand how making all these changes and getting some fancy software is going to do anything but cause more issues. If we are trying to save money, how is spending more money going to solve whatever perceived problems you think we have? I am not even sure why we wasted the money for you to tell us things we could have figured out ourselves.” 

I hear Lauren mutter, “oh he is about to find out” as she shakes her head from across the table. 

I took a deep breath and slowly bobbed my head up and down. Everyone on the call was completely silent. The owner of the company, Will Stevens, looked completely mortified. 

I smiled, “Mr. Smith, I don’t feel the need to explain why I’m qualified to do what I do and I’m not going to. What I will come back with are facts. This company currently has a 1.5 star rating for shipping times. When you have companies regularly shipping within 2 business days, don’t you think up to 2 weeks for your items to ship is a little excessive? That isn’t going to keep customers coming back. Furthermore, there are a high number of complaints indicating that part of your customer’s orders arrived incomplete, or no order arrived at all. There are also a high number of complaints relating to poor packaging and items arriving broken. Now, forgive me if I am wrong, but the logistics of these issues is your area, correct?” 

Mr. Smith sat there wide eyed and gave a slight nod. Clearly my point was being made. I could see Lauren in my periphery pumping her fist in the air and trying so hard to keep her laughing quiet. 

“Now, your current method of using spreadsheets in a share drive that everyone has access to is a little antiquated and doesn’t properly track orders. Not to mention the human error that goes into everyone accessing and editing that spreadsheet. That may have been doable when the company was small and just getting started, but not now. You have expanded too much. Add all that to manually requesting each shipping label online from the carrier resulting in incorrect address entry and you are failing before you even get started. If you use custom software that handles all this it will cut out a lot of the steps, increase shipping time and accuracy of orders, while also automating a lot of the steps. Therefore, increasing overall productivity and customer satisfaction and leading to more sales. This is only a small piece of the puzzle. All divisions need to be better streamlined in different ways, so they work better as a unit. Quite frankly, your division needs the most work in order for all the others to fall in line as they need to. Now, do you have any further questions you would like addressed Mr. Smith?”

Multiple staff members were clearly trying to stifle a laugh, including the business owner. Mr. Smith sat with his mouth agape for a brief moment before responding with, “No, I think that covers it.” Then he proceeded to turn off his camera and eventually left the meeting as we worked through some strategies and plans for moving forward. As soon as I logged off and closed my computer, I let out a shaky breath. I needed a drink after that one. In my mind, I immediately started running through everything I had said, second guessing myself. What if I was wrong about something? Should I have been so blunt in my response? 

Lauren pulled me out of my thoughts. “And that my dear is why you are so badass. The nerve of that guy! I bet he won’t talk down to anyone like that ever again. Maybe he can hook up with the troll lady from this morning. I think they were made for each other!” She said and laughed at her own joke. 

I stared at her for a minute. “Why the hell do I keep doing this to myself? I hate it.”

“Because you make a shit ton of money and you’re good at it.” Lauren says with conviction. 

I rub my face with both hands and look up at her through my fingers, “I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I just feel lost. I think I’m hitting my mid-life crisis. This is not where I saw myself at 38 years old.”

Lauren looked at me with concern, “you absolutely cannot be talking like that. You are my life advisor and supposed to have your shit together.” Her look quickly changed to amusement. She was trying to cheer me up. 

“I’m sure once things settle down with the divorce and everything, you’ll figure it out. You’ve just had a lot of changes recently and need time to adjust.” 

“The divorce is final. It’s done. As of Monday,” I said with a deadpan look.

“Oh. Well, that’s good! Right? Now you don’t have to have anything to do with that asshat anymore.” 

“Yeah, I guess. I just don’t know myself anymore. He really fucked me up. I don’t know how to be on my own. I mean, we had been together since college. I basically molded myself and my life around that asshole. I just don’t know where to start.” 

I got up and poured myself a very large glass of wine, which had become routine as of late. Lauren stared at me disapprovingly. 

“It’s a little early in the day for that, don't you think? Maybe stick with the coffee.” 

“Coffee doesn’t have the desired effect. Besides, I might need to lay off the caffeine. I can’t sleep as it is. I’m not even sure how I’m functional if I’m being honest. I think my anxiety may be getting worse too. I’m fairly certain I almost had an actual panic attack the other day because I couldn’t handle picking out clothes for work. Who fucking does that? I’m literally second guessing everything I do.” 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. This is all on him. I just wished you had been open with me about the way he was treating you sooner. Maybe I could have talked some sense into you years ago. I feel like I’ve been such a shitty friend because I didn’t even realize what was actually happening. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“Lauren, stop that. You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to. I was really good at hiding it. That part is on me.” 

Lauren had been my saving grace the last six months. We had been best friends since high school, and she was literally the only one I had left. I lost touch with most of them when I married Justin, which was by design as I realized many years later. Everyone else that came into my life after that was his friend first. They got me by default and dropped me as soon as I filed for divorce. I was starting over in all aspects of my life and it was terrifying and depressing. Luckily, I had Lauren to help me through everything and keep me sane. 

My phone rang. It was my boss, Aubrey, calling. Most likely to see how the meeting went this morning. Aubrey and I had a long history and tended to be pretty blunt with each other. She was a little older than me, but not much. I had been her TA back when she used to teach college courses. We became close and I looked to her as a mentor in my early years. I was one of the first people she brought on board when she opened her own consulting firm. 

I moved the phone to my ear as I answered. 

“Hey, I was just about to…” she cut me off before I could finish the sentence, “so I heard your meeting went well.”

It was a statement. I couldn’t read much from her tone, but I didn’t think she was mad. 

“Yeah, I mean, you know, the usual stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“I just got off the phone with Will. He says he has a job opening. He joked about hiring you full time.” 

The phone was loud enough that Lauren could hear the conversation. She started to chuckle. I rolled my eyes at her and started pacing around the kitchen. 

“Well, I’m sorry to hear he is down an employee. Did he say who?” I said with thick sarcasm. 

“A Mr. Smith I believe. Apparently, he turned in his resignation as soon as your meeting was over. He refuses to learn new software. Will said it saved him the trouble of firing his ass, so that made his day.” 

“Well, I’m happy to be of service then, I guess,” I said flatly. She laughed at my tone. 

“Well, now that you’re wrapping up that account, I would like to talk to you about the next one. I know it’s kind of last minute and completely out of your service area, but I need my best one on this. It’s a big contract and without saying too much to cause some bias inclinations on your part, they possibly have some issues that I don’t trust anyone else to handle. I need someone who won’t be bullied into submission or be afraid to say what they are thinking to the CEO.” 

“So, is the CEO on board with this? Or…? I’m not following.”

“Yes, the CEO is one hundred percent on board. He is actually an old college friend and trusts that I will send my best to handle it. He has suspicions about some things, which I have asked him to not discuss with you at all, by the way. I made it clear that you do not like knowing personal suspicions before your evaluation.” 

“Ok. This sounds like it’s gonna be a blast. That’s sarcasm by the way in case you missed it.” I sighed heavily, “So, out of my service area…where is it exactly?” 

“It’s in New York. I’ve had your flight scheduled for Sunday. First class, I might add. You will be there until the following Friday.” 

“Waaaait a minute! New York?!?! That’s WAY out of my service area and you know I hate flying. That’s literally the farthest away from where I’m currently at. No way. I’m not doing it.” 

“You took that well. Can’t wait for the updates. I’ll have the details sent over and I will talk to you next week.” Then she hung up. 

I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it in utter shock. “Fucking bitch. Did that really just happen?”

Lauren ran over to me with a concerned look on her face and turned me toward her, “What’s wrong?!?!”

“I guess I’m going to New York.” 

“I thought you didn’t have to go anywhere you couldn’t drive to?”

“Apparently, it’s a special account. I knew it, I am going to lose my shit.” 

“Well, maybe while you’re there, you can find a hottie to entertain you. I think getting laid would do you some good. Seriously, how long has it been?”

I gave her an annoyed look and sat back down at the table. “We are not talking about my sex life right now and that is out of the question. A man is the last thing I need right now.”

“I’m not saying you gotta keep him. It’s just for a night, or three.” She shrugged and smiled at me. 

“You are so ridiculous. As your life advisor, I totally do not approve of that type of behavior. Is that the shit you're doing these days?”

Lauren feigned shock that I would even suggest such a thing. 

“Absolutely not. I am not that type of girl. I am looking for a serious relationship. I just haven’t had any luck with that. The dating pool around here is sooo ridiculous. The last guy I thought might be decent, gave me a belt buckle as a gift on our last date. Initially I thought it was a neat and unique gift, but I think it was just his weird way of saying he wanted to get into my pants. So, I dropped him real quick.”

I gave her a blank stare for a few seconds, then doubled over in laughter. Tears started to pour out of my eyes, and I was gasping for air. Because of the serious way she said it and the look on her face, I absolutely lost it. 

Lauren stood there with her hands on her hips giving me a sour look. 

“He seriously gave you a belt buckle?!?!” I said through laughter. Once I calmed down a bit, I asked, “what the hell did it look like? I hope it was at least expensive.” 

“I don’t know. It was gold, oval, and bulky. Very tacky. Not something I would ever actually use. I don’t even wear stuff like that.” 

“Well, thanks for the laugh. I needed that,” I said as I chuckled. 

She huffed then sat back down across from me with her elbows propped on the table. 

“That’s enough about me. Back to you. Seriously, if you find a guy to waste some time with while you are there, go for it. Please don’t spend the whole week working. At least get out and explore the city or something.”

“I never have time for any of that when I am doing visits. I’ll have a lot of stuff to review. You know that. This seems like an important contract too. I need to focus. At least it will be a decent distraction and get me away from here for a bit. Maybe it will do me some good.” 

“Well, when you get back, we are doing something fun. I don’t know what, but it’s happening. I will plan a girl’s day for us.” 

“Greaaat. I can’t wait.” Lauren looked offended and I laughed. “Well, I guess our lazy Friday evening has been ruined. I need to pack and prep,” I said as I downed my glass of wine. 

“I’ll help you pack. I’ve got to make sure you’re looking hot.” 

I rolled my eyes at her as I got up and started walking to my bedroom. “Stop that shit. I’m going to work, not looking for a one-night stand.” 

Lauren followed behind me as she laughed. “Hey, you never know what destiny might bring your way. Don’t knock it.”

She spent the next several hours helping me pack and picking out my clothes for the week. I am pretty sure she snuck some unnecessary items into the suitcase, but either way, I was thankful for her help. It was less decisions I had to make and then question later. 

I spent Saturday prepping and reviewing the documents that had been sent in advance. They were pretty thorough, containing organizational charts, job descriptions, operations manuals, financial processing details…the list goes on. Pretty much anything I might need, they sent. At least they had it all on paper and I wouldn’t have to document as much during the on-site visit. That was a relief. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, so I wasn’t sure what the big deal was with this one. 

On Sunday, I was a bundle of nerves. I hardly slept any and was dreading the five-hour flight from LA to New York. I was actually wishing I had talked to my doctor about some anti-anxiety medication. She had offered it in the past, but I declined because I hate taking any kind of medications unless I absolutely had to. I have been determined to deal with things without being medicated. I also tend to have weird reactions to meds. I really could have used it at that moment though because I absolutely hate flying. I had a large glass of wine before the Uber picked me up in hopes it would help me relax. I’m not sure it made much of an impact. I was a hot mess throughout the whole boarding process. A/N: Don't worry, Dieter makes an appearance in the next chapter.

NEXT CHAPTER

[fumifooms]

Howl’s moving castle dunmeshi AU

I’ve cracked the code I know why I love Marcille x Chilchuck so much. They’re literally just like Howl’s Moving Castle Howl and Sophie. Okok indulge me for a sec I’m about to dump so many pics and ramble for a bit. I want you to see my marchil vision. It’s fabulous extra cringefail hopeless romantic drama queen x grumpy old sad angry caring hardworking person cursed to be here & cursing fate and giving tough love to everything in a miles radius. No one is safe. From either of them. Calcifer or Micheal is Izutsumi. Wait wait no Calcifer is Senshi and Michael is Izutsumi. Senshi as Calcifer works bc Calcifer is just chained to Howl and is there reminding Howl to not die and take care of himself, giving hints about how to break the curse to Sophie, also the fire demon cooks the eggs and bacon checkmate. And then LAIOS IS TURNIP HEAD OH MY GOD THAT WORKS OUT PERFECTLY. Chilchuck & Marcille, screaming terrified of the weird scarecrow chasing after them, meanwhile the weird scarecrow that’s harmless: :(. Wizard Suliman is Falin and the second fire demon is Winged Lion, so bam everything comes full circle.

I’m assuming most people who’ll see this post maybe saw the movie but not the book, and what you need to know is that the movie makes Howl so much dreamier and collected and cool, whereas in the book he’s just a drama queen 24/7 that’s it. He’s a wet cat dressed in expensive sparkly glittery gowns that needs to be yelled at to do anything he needs to do. He complains. He bemoans. Meanwhile Sophie is, honestly pretty like in the movie? Less contrarian and anger issues but will grumble and yells while cleaning nonetheless. Hardworking but will pathetically sit down on a chair in a dark corner to cry about her aching bones and OHH this is ALL because she’s the eldest child and she was doomed for unhappiness and no one can ever love her… So she’ll whack everyone into order and purge her feelings through aggressive cleaning and using weed killer. IS THIS NOT GIVING MARCILLE & CHIL TO YOU?!

There’s this funny widespread take from the fandom:

And it couldn’t be more true in a marchil context either. Like come on. For all of this post just swap the names of Howl for Marcille and Sophie for Chilchuck.

(Last one with the art by Cookiekappa on Tumblr)

Tell me this isn’t so Marcille. Tell me Chil wouldn’t run away from home thinking he’s failed life and is no longer in shape to work and now has to waddle in self-pity, seeking out wizards which he hates and finds shady bc it’s his last option, and then end up a maid & cleans everything out of spite and also worry for the person living there. Tell me Marcille wouldn’t throw a depressed slime tantrum so bad that it causes a partial town evacuation because her wails summon unknown horrors, over her HAIR. Forget slime she’d blow up the house instantly. She would breakdance as refusal to go see the king. Chilchuck would call her a slitherer-outer and she would gasp in offense and they’d have a fight.

Marcille having full on poems laying around and then Chil & Izu seeing them and being like "Ah yes, this must be a spell, it makes no sense and is so extra, just like how silly our resident witch and her magic is". Izutsumi going "Okay peepaw I’ll teach you how to use a magical bucket just take one step forward-" and they immediately fuck it up and they’re left stranded in far unknown lands. Chilchuck complaining that HIS BACK HURTS. And at every turn or something mildly inconveniencing him "NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS TO THE MIDDLE CHILD".

And can we talk about the aging motif, the curse… Marcille never letting herself grow close to someone even though she does all these grand gestures for them at first. Meanwhile her fear of loss stares at her straight in the eye whenever she looks at 90 years old Chilchuck, and her deciding to not run away from their relationship is what ends up healing both of them. She gets over her fear of intimacy and he grows over feeling like a terribly dull unlovable failure. Me sobbing when I remember how Sophie’s curse of being old is a self-inflicted manifestation of herself thinking she’s romantically unlovable and weak…….

This is it for now but rest assured that I want to make art of this, have these memes for now

[black-arcana]

Taylor Momsen Explains ‘Gossip Girl’ Exit on Penn Badgley’s Podcast, Details Pain and Darkness After Best Friend’s Death: It ‘Almost Killed Me’

Break out your headbands, Upper East Siders and Jenny Humphrey stans. Taylor Momsen reunited with “Gossip Girl” star Penn Badgley for the first time since the 2012 series finale of The CW teen drama, appearing on the Sept. 6 episode of “Podcrushed,” Badgley’s SiriusXM podcast with Nava Kavelin and Sophie Ansari.

During the hour-long episode, the pair reminisced about their time on “Gossip Girl” together; Badgley portrayed Dan Humphrey, while Momsen played his little sister, Jenny, for four seasons. She was just 12 years old when the pilot was shot, and says she didn’t really want to leave her middle school friends — but was “convinced” to do it.

“Larger powers than me came down and went, ‘This is a great opportunity,'” Momsen, now 30, said during the episode, which was recorded before the SAG-AFTRA strike. It was then, filming the show, that she really leaned into music. “That’s where music became such a solace for me. Thanking back on my life, it was this place where I could just be — writing songs, emoting how I felt. I was by myself a lot. I didn’t have my own clique.”

Of the actors on the show, Momsen, who’d played Cindy Lou Who in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” was the youngest — Badgley was 20 when he got the role of Dan, and most of the actors playing the show’s high-school characters were in their early 20s. Only Connor Paolo, who played Eric, the younger brother of Serena (Blake Lively) was even close to Momsen’s age. “I didn’t fit in with you guys, I didn’t fit in with Connor’s friends — I was younger than them,” Momsen said. “I was the new girl. I was ‘Grinch’ girl. I was always in this kind of weird, isolated world, partially of my own creating, probably.”

Momsen was in a band with her school friends before “Gossip Girl,” then moved to New York for the show, which debuted in 2007. Two years later, she founded The Pretty Reckless, the rock band she leads that’s still together today.

“It was a childhood thing that I got put into at two years old. I wasn’t making my own choices then,” she said of acting. “Literally, as soon as I got to an age where I could make my own decisions, it was like a click… I woke up one morning and went, ‘Wait a second. I don’t have to do this? I don’t have to do this other job? I can just play in my band and tour and write songs? I can just do that?’ Granted, a little more complicated to get out of a television show than that, but the answer was yes.”

With that, she said she “uprooted and changed my life overnight,” with the help of the “Gossip Girl” team.

“They went, ‘Well, we can’t let you out of your deal, but we can write you out of the show, so you can go on tour,'” Momsen said. “They really allowed me to follow my dream, and I’m forever grateful and thankful to them for that.”

Momsen, who admitted she’s never watched the show, was a series regular for the first four seasons of “Gossip Girl.” However, she appeared in only four episodes of the fourth season — due to touring — before her character moved to London. At the time, there were reports of her being difficult on set and let go. When Season 5 premiered, she’d permanently exited the show to focus on music, but came back for the finale, “New York, I Love You XOXO,” which aired in 2012 and featured a song from The Pretty Reckless.

The band just wrapped their “Death by Rock and Roll” tour, during which they promoted an album Momsen wrote after two big deaths in her life. In 2017, Chris Cornell died by suicide on the last night of his band Soundgarden’s tour with The Pretty Reckless. Less than a year later, Momsen’s “fifth band member” and best friend Kato Khandwala died in a motorcycle crash.

“It took me very down. I fell into a very dark hole of depression and substance abuse, and everything that comes with death and loss and trauma,” she said on the podcast. “I essentially quit everything. I stopped making music; I couldn’t listen to music. It bummed me out, for lack of better term. It was dark. It got very dark there for a while.”

Momsen shut herself off from everyone and “fell apart,” but was eventually able to turn to writing new music to honor Khandwala’s legacy. “I’m going to finish what we started, and not let this take me down entirely,” she recalled feeling. “It came very close to that. I had to make a very conscious decision at some point — where I was either gonna die or I was gonna move forward. I chose to move forward.”

Each night on tour, the band walked on stage to audio of Khandwala’s footsteps, which is the opening of the album’s title track. “It took something that was incredibly sad and devastating and almost killed me, and I tried to turn it into my power,” Momsen said. “He’s here with me every night. He’s no longer here but we’re still doing this together.”

[boomboxboi]

They’re a 10 But…. 🥊

Bruno Bucciarati

He licks your face constantly to see if you’re lying to him.

You also have to hear random zipper noises with no context as to where they came from.

He is an ‘acclaimed’ magician.

His favorite trick is the “sawed in half” trick.

He’s good at it.

But it’s getting old.

Also has depression but won’t go to therapy.

Because he has to help others.

Always puts everyone before himself.

Which leads to burnout.

A major enabler at times.

Leone Abbacchio

He has a grudge against a literal teenager for no reason.

He also has to constantly be petty and angry about everything even when you’re just trying to have a good time.

Also always has to have the last word.

Or gives the silent treatment.

You’re not sure which one is worse.

Also encourages everyone else to act like punks.

Always stirring the pot.

Pannacotta Fugo

A know it all.

But not in a fun-fact sort of way.

But the “I’m always right” way.

Even when he’s not right.

Also wants matching hole outfits.

But you just cannot wear that.

He also faintly smells off.

Like not dirty smelling.

Just off.

Narancia Ghirga

Never his fault for anything.

If he is blamed, he immediately has an excuse.

Or he freaks out because he’s “trying his best”.

He also will ask if it’s “because he’s not smart”.

Cries a lot.

Also blasts his music really loud.

And sometimes plays the same song on repeat for hours.

And can’t save his money because he feels the need to immediately blow it to get that dopamine hit.

Also gossips.

Guido Mista

A BIG gossip.

He just can’t help but to talk about everyone.

Always says he’d say it to their faces too.

But never actually does.

He also leaves his dirty laundry on the floor.

And is terrible at keeping up with chores when it’s his turn.

They won’t get done for weeks.

Except cooking.

But he can’t take criticism on his cooking, either.

Giorno Giovanna

Is emotionally cut off.

You can never tell what he’s thinking.

Also an enabler but only on his terms.

Hot and cold with what’s okay and what isn’t okay.

His morals give you whiplash and confuse you.

Also has a habit of stealing from others.

Probably a con artist.

Does he actually have feelings?

Or is he only looking out for himself?

You genuinely cannot tell at times.

Trish Una

Selfish.

Wants her needs fulfilled first and may not fulfill yours at all.

Drama queen.

If she stubbed her toe, it’s the literal end of the world.

Also wasteful.

Will take three bites of a sandwich before she decides she doesn’t want it anymore.

Thinks anything is replaceable.

Because it’s just a cover up for her own feelings of feeling like she’s replaceable.

[goldenbloodytears]

I would really like to know more about Sam, without spoiling the plot of future projects what can you say about her and Danny in the asks 2, 3, 9, 10, 14 and 15?

Also if Sam was a character of the scream franchise which one would she be?

Send by Mx. 👍

2. How do they treat themselves when they're feeling sad?

Sam's go to is to put on Elton John (most likely Honky Chateau—I can probably write a small piece on how Rocket Man can be seen as a metaphor for gay alienation) and then probably get a big tub of ice cream going. She’s not a stranger to depressive spirals, but sad and depressed are not quite the same thing—she deals with sad a lot better than depressed I would say.

With Danny… I think he tends to bypass sad and go straight to irritated. I’m a big believer in old man Johnson toxic masculinity indoctrination, so Danny probably lowkey thinks crying is for weaklings (and women). I think he might result to trying to calm himself with a couple drinks if for some reason he can’t immediately fix the problem that is causing him to be sad/irritated… however, said combo is more likely to lower his inhibition… and that’s when you’re probably more likely to get an impromptu murder (in comparison to his more planned stories).

3. What parts of themselves do they tend to hide?

Sam tends to hide her sexuality. Or at least attempt to. She lives in a small town, and the gossip mill would surely have a field day with the local English lady reporter turning out to be a “lesbian” (because bisexuals don’t exist in 1994 /sarcasm). The result is where she’s inoffensive enough to not cause outright homophobic drama, but she’s not exactly living the best life she could be either… especially when she’s partly trying to play nice for a family that aren’t nearly as accepting as they could be.

Danny hides himself. To be clearer, I’ve been considering whether his usage of personas happen to allow him to connect with an element of himself that has long been suppressed by his old man’s teachings. This is kind of a half-baked thought that I need to think about more. It’s a bit like being a method actor, an inherent element of performance. Think about how many seemingly outgoing and over confident performers are actually rather introverted (and not just because of paparazzi hounds)… also consider how people tend to act more freely when anonymous, for good or ill. Danny hides a lot of himself, he hides his literal self as Danny, but also other elements. His sexuality just like Sam, since being a bisexual man in the 90s is just… asking for trouble. However, he’s so strongly manifested in his expected gender roles as a masculine military brat that you wouldn’t even guess he might be queer unless you went for some crazy extreme like the fact he tends to dress well on average. I don’t think his personas suddenly act flaming (just to be clear) but he’s a little bit nicer, way more talkative, a little bit goofier/nerdier and I don’t think it’s entirely an act (although he believes it is and will tell you so).

9. What are their insecurities?

Sam is insecure about many things at the start of the story. This isn’t really a plot spoiler. She’s insecure about the fact both her brothers are married with kids, she’s insecure about the fact she’s queer, she’s insecure about her relationship with her girlfriend. She’s insecure about her future in the province she was born in—quick history lesson, in 1994 Quebec proposed a provincial referendum to decide whether the citizens of Quebec largely supported the idea of Quebec becoming its own sovereign country to be voted on in 1995. There was a major divide along language lines with English speaking Quebecers largely supporting the federalist Canadian position (No) while the French-speaking Québécois generally supported the sovreignist Yes side. There was a large exodus of English speaking Quebecers from the province around this time, settling in Ontario and Alberta primarily. You had small towns with flourishing English populations suddenly lose multiple families which had lived there for generations only for the towns to become much more French. This is the situation Sam finds herself facing, working as a local English newspaper which is now struggling as a result of less readership… so honestly she’s even kinda insecure about the future of her job too, period, lol.

I think Danny’s insecurities would require a whole post of their own, however, I’ve briefly touched on one of them in question 15.

10. What are their emotional triggers?

For Sam: curiosity, fear, frustration.

For Danny: boredom, frustration, praise.

I’m not entirely sure what this question is asking so I’ve kinda listed the emotions that I think are most likely to motivate them to do something for good or worse.

14. What kind of people do they tend to gravitate towards?

Sam tends to gravitate towards people with big personalities. She’s a much more subdued person and kinda lives vicariously through them. She’s intrigued by the promise of life outside small town Quebec, so it’s very easy to get her attention with stories of travel. She has a major obsession with this random cold case that happened when she was a teenager, to the point that everyone thinks she’s a little bit weird for it, and in this way she’s also drawn to people that will put up with this particular quirk. I think you can already see where I’m going with this.

Danny, like a true confidence trickster, is drawn to people most likely to believe his bullshit. This doesn’t mean he looks for idiots, he’s still a bit of a wannabe academic blowhard in spirit and as such I think he’s still drawn to people who profess at least a bit of a braincell…. But it’s the trust element. He’s looking for people who want to believe what he says. He’s also looking for people who think he’s cool. Even if he’s Jed or persona #632.

So when taking these tendencies together, you can already kind of start to see how Danny and Sam compliment each other in terms of the people they are seeking. They’re both looking for somebody who’s going to gas them up—feed their egos and hope for the future.

15. What do they like/dislike about themselves?

Sam likes her skills as a journalist, she feels like her stubbornness is a useful trait. She wishes she was better at being more traditionally feminine. She dislikes her height, at 5’10” she towers over a lot of guys and it’s worse if she wears heels.

I feel like we all have a rough idea of what Danny “likes” about himself, so I’ll focus on what he dislikes. His emotionality. He knows he can be impulsive, and he thinks feelings like fear, anger, and sadness are not particularly useful for himself when he’s supposed to be this killer who goes around murdering in the night. If he could be a mindless killer, I’m sure he would do so.

Bonus: What character in Scream would Sam be?

Hmmm, that’s a very good question. I think I would need to do a complete series rewatch to really pin it down but I think she would kinda be a weird proxy if you were to mix Gail and Dewey together (she’s their forbidden baby). She has a lot of Gail’s tenacious journalism qualities but she’s a lot nicer, similar to Dewey. Her brother Chris is also a cop, so she’s a little bit functional to Tatum in a way.

[hikarisora101]

Gunvolt’s treatment in cannon bothers me to an unreal degree aka I’m get to rant about this series because I’ve never seen a series treat it’s mc worse

Spoilers for literally the whole franchise

I’ve had some time to think about it and calm down since gv3’s story and come to terms with it and something never sat right with me. And then it hit me. Gunvolt is the most punished character in the series and there is no good justification for it.

Drama tracks pre asg1

The things we learn about gv in the drama tracks are depressing. For reference, I recommend you watch the translations provided on slider’s YouTube channel, since they’ll be my main source for this section.

From what we can tell in the tracks that gv’s childhood pre quill is for lack of better words, absolutely crap. He was one of the subjects of the gv project, and only two that were successful, the other being Asimov. As far as we know he never had a name or at least was never referred to as such only being called subject 78.

As far as we know (because gv cannon likes raising more questions than answers and you have to DIG to hell and back just to find some answers) Gv’s time in sumeragi was miserable until quill decided to make a surprise adoption.

Asg1: and now things get worse

Then asg1 happens and we meet Joule, the other most punished character . Things go well for the pair until the end of the game. There are two ending, the Asimov kills gv and we move to the ix timeline and the gv lives but now Joule lives in his head ending.

The ending where he lives end in the simplest of terms is Gv killing what his basically his father and basically has to leave his friends behind with out a word and now has Joule living in his head. There’s not much of a happy ending here, bittersweet at most but hey at least he gets to live.

Asg2: everyone say hello to Quinn and Xiao

In one of the drama tracks where Gv meets Quinn, Gv and Joule are not having the best time. Joule’s not having a great time considering that y’know she’s basically a ghost and gunvolt himself isn’t having it any better. Now is how he treats Joule here great?

No

However, keep in mind that he’s only a year older than she is and feels like he failed her and has to deal with quill and sumeragi being after him. Not to mention he killed his foster father in an act of revenge. So yeah everything kinda sucks.

Then Quinn happens and she fills the role the of the anchor to Gv’s mental state in a sense in that in order for him to get better he has to come to terms with what happens and let Joule go.

And that partially happens through Michiru (I can’t spell her eng name for some reason) since no matter who you play, Gv ultimately makes the choice to let her go. And it’s for the better because an argument can be made that Joule staying around in her current state isn’t healthy in the slightest. Not helping that before the prayer fight, he internalizes what happened as failure, that there was a failure on his part. Even though, he really didn’t have much control over Joule’s powers getting snatched and Copen wasn’t really helping matters much either.

By contrast Gv never seems to talk about what happened in the previous game, never even referring to Asimov by name only calling him “mentor”. Not helped by him having nightmares about his near-death experience and as far as we know is more content with just leaving it in the past. Which is fine but I wish it would have been brought up at some point.

Honestly, it feels kinda weird that we never get any sort of interaction with Joule that has him or Joule take a moment to talk about what happened. Neither of them talk about their experiences with sumeragi, or the whole Asimov situation. It also doesn’t seem like he ever got closer in that case and I don’t feel like he ever did.

Asg3: the reason this post exists

Now we get to asg3 which is the reason why I made this post, because it’s kinda frustrating in every way.

First we learn that gunvolt’s powers went out of control. One of the conversations have him point out that it could be due to the AB spirits. However due to this he ended up hurting Quinn, afterwards he turned himself in to sumeragi.

Now gv3 does make it a point to say that sumeragi isn’t that bad which is a problem due to all of the child experimentation. Gunvolt himself also makes it a point to bring up that the scientists don’t represent the whole of sumeragi, which while fair kinda feels weird because those scientists were part of a whole project that probably had the company’s ok.

Now gunvolt has been a dragon for decades, which is the story’s justification for abandoning every other plot line

Now we get to a frustrating part in the story which is the duo refights. The problem isn’t that it can be interpreted that they’re a personified version of his guilt. The problem is that because their so late in the story that it feels like the neither the story or characters really press on it. Which sucks because Gv never seems to get closer with Quinn.

Skipping to the end because Asimov and Nova deserve their own posts. Gunvolt’s story ends with him being turned into a baby and going … somewhere.

Now why is this all an issue?

The core of the issue stems from the fact that most of these events happen nearly every time we see him. Every time he gains something he’s forced to lose it. The only times he wasn’t was when he let Joule go.

Copen in the IX timeline at least gets to be able to have some sort of stability and despite having to kill his twin sister at least gains something in the same respect. Compare this to gv where it’s gut punch, gain something, then it’s gone. Gunvolt becoming a villain wouldn’t have been better either.

His story is doesn’t feel fun to go through it feels unreasonably depressing. His story could’ve been better if you just let him be happy for longer than the start or the end of a game.

[annabeiie420]

Hi 👋🏼. I would like to hear about Sagittarius Moons. If you don’t mind. If not that’s totally understandable. Take care 🌸

I’ve always been interested in sagittarius moons. I’ve seen that sagittarius moons and suns actually have similar personalities; I think this is because the moon is not super compatible with this sign, and one will always overpower the other. However I don’t think that makes this a bad placement to have. I know someone who has a sag moon and he loves to travel, he’s very physically active- he plays sports and spends a lot of time at the gym, and he reads a lot of books -specifically history and fantasy. When he was younger he was called “the little philosopher.” These people have VERY active minds and imaginations.

This placement has a lot of positive traits including a very literal positive outlook on life. Sag is ruled by jupiter which is thirsty for knowledge, intellectual stimulation, expansion of the mind, and wisdom. These people ask a lot of questions and don’t just blindly accept the answers they’re given. They dig deeper into “truths” because they are searching for the bigger picture, yet because they are so focused on the big picture they can easily miss smaller details that can point them in the right direction. sooooo if you’re a sag moon, it’s important for you to slow down a bit when searching for answers/solutions. Take a step back from yourself and reevaluate the situation.

They are like their sister moon sign, gemini, fast paced, quick witted, honestly a little chaotic, and have this attitude of “do whatever you want, i don’t care,” or “I’m just gonna do me.”Sagittarius moons are drama queens, but if you tell them this they will (dramatically) tell you why you are wrong. This is a fairly stubborn placement even though they are so open minded because once they find the belief system and ideology that they relate to, they won’t let anyone deter them from it (except for themselves). Maybe stubborn is the wrong word, instead i should say they are strong-willed and confident in themselves. They go according to their own agenda, and, honestly, no one else’s schedule would benefit them the same as their own.

In a relationships, I think (especially paired with sag venus) people with this placement will love to be challenged. Not necessarily on everything, but a healthy amount of debate will keep them on their toes and help maintain a lively relationship, platonic or romantic. Someone who will always be willing to go out or try something new and fun will be perfect for them.

These people start to feel depressed when they feel restrained, disrespected, or that they have reached a complacent spot in their life (work, relationships, etc). To this i recommend going out with friends or being physical (sex tbh) maybe try something new like roller skating, rock climbing, yoga, fuck it even go for a run if you don’t normally do that. Taking a class or reading a book that teaches you something new will get you intellectual stimulated and help you hop out of your rut. These people can be very impatient and can lose hope when things stop moving forward, even momentarily.

Philosophy is going to be a major outlet for this placement, and a healthy amount of it will help them maintain or develop an optimistic outlook. Being ruled by jupiter, sagittarius craves expansion, and in the moon placement it becomes expansion of the mind and challenging their own thoughts. I think this trait can make them very susceptible to substance use. This moons sign might want to see just how much they can use to reach a new area of their mind, to uncover something hidden in their own thoughts, to expand and break the boundaries. i know this is not the coolest to say… meditate (shout out to J. Cole). The feeling of expansion, serenity, and discovery that comes with using….. also comes from intense meditation. Granted meditating is much harder than doing a bunch of drugs (SHORT TERM), but sagittarius moons are always up for a good challenge.

anyways sag moons are fucking cool. best person to have a fun day and a late night with. Conversation is never boring and they have such vibrant and wacky energy. They know how to laugh, how to set aside seriousness and just goof off. When the time comes they will put their serious hat back on and get shit done, but they understand life is better when you can laugh at yourself, your pain, just fuck around and waste time.

sincerely,

a sagittarius rising 😎🤙