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deludedfantasy · 8 months

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Trimax Vol 11 Ch 4-6

Half of this is just me having emotions about Livio. For a character who showed up so late in the game, he's very quickly wormed his way into my heart.

Ch 4

Return of the wicked? So Legato rejoins the game.

Oooh, Zazie butterfly! You know, it was really funny reading Trimax after watching Tristamp which was chock full of worm lore and realizing there’s just…none of that here. All you know is there are worms, Zazie is one of them (perhaps the leader?), and they’re sorta kinda on Knives’s side. Except not anymore if Knives apparently throws them off the Ark.

BABY KNIVES!!!! I am not immune to baby Knives.

It’s interesting that Zazie says that because Independent Plants can produce matter, they’re better candidates for coexistence. I assume the problem with humans is they only cause destruction. But while Knives is certainly capable of creation, that’s very much not what he’s using his powers for at the moment. On paper, he looks great! In practice, not so much.

Well, I should’ve kept reading because Zazie very much so doesn’t mean that. Apparently, they’re using worm poison to incapacitate everyone on the ship and go after Knives. Zazie does see how much of a danger is to their planet, and seeing as its their own, they won’t stand idly by anymore.

BLEGH I FORGOT ABOUT THE CROTCH WORM.

The concept of a control worm is so interesting. Is that how Zazie is “possessing” the body they use to appear human? But also, the idea of her using that to control Knives is so insidious but so fascinating. I actually want to know what they would do with him and whether they’d be able to wield his powers like that.

I never understood this bit with Legato’s wires. Because he never seemed to need wires to do his body control trick before. Or maybe it just wasn’t explained that that’s how he was doing it until now. He’s yet another puppet master character, except what’s terrifying is he’s somehow using the strings to control his own body. I’m taking back my snarky comments about Vash finding Legato scary earlier. This is terrifying. Imagine the willpower it takes to do this, to endlessly carve metal wires out of the coffin you’re in and use them to remake and control your own body.

All of Elendira’s teasing and joking takes on new meaning too. She was doing that partially because she thought Legato was pathetic and couldn’t do anything to her. How horrifying is it to realize he was just holding back? He was biding his time until he was needed and he could’ve snapped her neck whenever he wanted.

So that massive explosion was Knives expelling Zazie’s poison by gathering it into a gate. This is another one of those times that we’re reminded just how capable of destruction Plants are and just how much power they hold.

Vash watches this explosion calmly and then goes back to making his own special Plant-powered bullets. The way the panels focus on his hair and we realize that it’s gotten even blacker. He’s very purposefully using up his power to make these and that just…that hurts to see.

Because for a moment, in the last volume, he really wanted to live. And now he’s actively pushing himself closer and closer to death. He’s back in that terrible place he’s lived in for so long where his life doesn’t matter, only his final mission, only defeating Knives. It’s an incredibly painful manifestation of his grief and it’s even more pronounced for how Nightow just shows it to us without any commentary.

Chapel…when Vash refers to Wolfwood’s coin he calls him Chapel. Because the man who held that coin wasn’t his friend. He wasn’t even real. He won’t call it Wolfwood’s because it isn’t, because Wolfwood ultimately wasn’t a Gung Ho Gun or a killer. He was his friend.

Ch 5

It’s so exciting to see the Earth Fleet and see how much advanced tech they have. Not only that, but how much knowledge they have about Plants. Most excitingly, the existence of other Independents, like Chronica!

This opening scene reveals a lot too, about the relationship between Independents and humanity in Earth society. Chronica is obviously a respected member of this crew if this man is asking her opinion. It’s unclear how much power she has in making decisions and such at this moment, but it doesn’t look like she’s hated or anything. Then there’s the fact that apparently, they’ve had enough problems with Independents fusing with dependent Plants that whenever new Independents are born they have their neural pathways rewired so they can’t do that. Apparently, Knives isn’t the only Independent who decided to use their powers to wreak havoc on humanity.

Meanwhile, Vash and Livio are being idiots together. I love the relationship between them and how much of a goofball Livio is now that he’s coming out of his shell a little.

You know, if some guy coughed up a worm in front of me, I’d have that reaction too. This is a big mood.

I love that Vash just presses the button on the case. Doesn’t even go, “Huh, I wonder if this is an explosive or if it’ll trigger something bad.” Guess he trusts Meryl and Milly’s assessment that it’s safe.

Legato giving his evil villain speech:

Vash: Can’t believe I have to listen to this bullshit.

Vash, rude!!! Don’t call Elendira a bitch!!!

Hey!! Look at that, Vash asked someone for help! Not in so many words, but he admits that he can’t take on Legato and Elendira at once. He needs Livio’s help to get past her and get to his brother.

And that means so much to Livio, being entrusted with this duty! He can do something good, he can do something to protect rather than harm, and he’ll do it with the body and powers the Eye of Michael gave him. He’s taking the evil that was done to him and using it for good.

The way he says, “She’s a monster too, right?” it makes me so sad. Because you know he means, “like me.” Only a monster can fight another monster, so he’s the perfect man for the job. I like how even though Livio is finding ways to be a better person, part of him is still stuck in his old way of thinking. It’s so real! He’s making progress, but he’s not quite there yet.

I know everyone has talked about this page but man…it hits hard. They weren’t even directly talking about him, but the idea of being a protector, of taking the horrible things done to you and turning them around to use them for good is a very Wolfwood idea. Both Vash and Livio are taking strength from it. His presence is so powerful they don’t need to say anything to invoke his memory, he’s that meaningful to them. This is a moment of Vash and Livio bonding over that shared memory, and I see it as the first step for Vash in forgiving Livio. He believed that Livio was a good guy, but now he’s seeing it. After all, faith can only take you so far. And he sees how much Wolfwood’s sacrifice means to Livio too.

Also, I just realized Vash hurt himself trying to punch Livio in the stomach. That man has abs of steel.

I think this is the first time Vash explicitly talks about how he can hear the Plants’ thoughts. This is a very revealing moment for him, showcasing his inhumanity, and it’s a big deal. But he’s using it to try to do something good, which is very much becoming a theme of this chapter.

“Is it possible for something created by humanity to break completely free of their creators?” Something something we create our own gods (literally in this case) and then they develop a will of their own. Quite often, that’s what happens with human inventions. The minute you put an idea out in the world, tangible or intangible, it’s no longer yours to control. Plants have always had some will of their own, but until now they hadn’t exercised it. Knives is forcing them to make a choice about whether to save humanity or doom it. But they’re so alien and unknowable to humanity that it’s hard for anyone to imagine how this will go or how they can convince them that human life should be spared.

Vash asks more people for help!!! I’m so proud of him.

Also love that he calls the Plants “the girls inside.” He really sees them as his sisters, as individual people, with wants of their own, and talking like that in front of others might one day help change their minds about how they view Plants too.

Awww, no, his goodbye with Meryl and Milly :(

The girls have lost him so many times and they’re watching him walk away again, straight into danger. Vash teases them over it, because this man is incapable of accepting that people actually care what happens to him, but it’s getting to him too. Maybe it’s reminding him that he has something to come back to. Their little goodbye fist bump means everything to me.

You tell him Milly! Let Meryl feel her emotions!

Love that none of those guys even realized they were talking to Vash the Stampede. They just went, “Yeah, we’ll take advice from some random dude with weird hair. Seems legit.”

I don’t understand why Chronica would want to turn off her limiter program if that’s what’s keeping her from fusing with other Plants. I’d think keeping Knives away from her and all the information in her head would be a top priority.

Ch 6

Livio centric chapter!!! I’m really falling in love with Livio’s character on this reread. I think the first time, the hangover from volume 10 was so strong, I couldn’t appreciate it.

That moment when he saved Jasmine defined who he wanted to be, even if later what he did to her dog overshadowed it. But it’s telling that when he faces Elendira, this is what he’s thinking about: how he wants to be a protector.

Oh Elendira. She really knows how to twist the knife. She’s so mean. But it’s so fun to watch. She’s the best kind of villain because her taunts are so truthful, so accurate, that it instills the tiniest seeds of doubt. Oh, she’s good.

But evil. EVIL. THAT IS SO EVIL.

Like I said, she’s good. She knows exactly how to bait Livio. Though I really do wonder how she knows all of this. Not about Wolfwood being dead but about how much he matters to Livio and the way Livio is trying to turn his life around.

Right, this is the part of the story where Livio just becomes a human pincushion. Truly, no one else could survive Elendira. I’m not sure Vash could. Livio’s regeneration abilities are the only thing that make him stand a chance against her.

Also, I don’t understand Elendira’s gun or her powers. Sometimes, I swear the nails can’t be coming from her gun and she’s just creating them out of thin air like in Tristamp. This is one of those things I’m just trying not to think about too hard.

Elendira, you mysterious woman, why are you so focused on the destruction of the world? Who hurt you? More questions I will never get answers to.

Unlike Legato, I don’t think she’s doing this out of any sort of devotion to Knives himself. She seems to just want the world to go to pieces and Knives is a means to that end. Because I really can imagine that if Knives told Legato right now that he’s changed his mind about destroying humanity, Legato would get with the program. But Elendira would blow the bomb anyway.

Oh no, those poor kids! They just saw some guy get impaled! And then cough up blood and pull out all those nails?! That’s horrible!

Awww, Livio’s reaction to them though! He’s trying to keep them calm and make sure they’re safe. He’s never cared about kids before, but now they’re the reminder he needs of what he’s protecting (and what Wolfwood died to protect).

This last scene with Jasmine and the kids, where they give him their clothes as a thank you is so so important that I’m having a hard time putting it into words.

Jasmine obviously doesn’t recognize him, but Livio left the orphanage because of how scared she was of him. She was someone he was supposed to protect and instead he hurt her. He couldn’t live with that. Unknowingly, he’s now protected the children she’s in charge of. He’s made it up to her. He’s proven to himself that he can make amends and do good. And it gives him something to fight for that’s more than the nebulous wants of a dead man. These people are living and they’re his to protect, so they can continue to live in the world. This is the only way Livio knows how to love and it’s bittersweet to see him put in action. Protection isn’t the only way to show love, but it’s how he understands it and at least he has that, when for so long he had nothing.

#trigunbookclub #trigun

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xleeleeboox · 2 years

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Hey guys feel free to literally overflow my inbox with requests. I came up with a list of quotes for a prompt list. Just pick a character that you want the request about and you can pick up to four numbers/quotes! If you have a special scenario in mind just say it, include if it’s fluffy, angsty, smutty, suggestive, or even crack, unless you want me to have free range. I’m ready ✨ also I had inspiration from A BUNCH of other finished prompt lists from all over the internet, so these are not all my own ideas disclaimer

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1. “Oh my god, I just kissed you”

2. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll get it”

3. “I will pick you up if you don’t____”

4. “Let me sleep”

5. “I few like I’m stuck between heaven and hell, and the middle grounds isn’t earth”

6. “Bathroom, now”

7. “It’s in gods hands now”

8. “Please watching ____ is not hard”

9. “Alright, how did we mess up today?”

10. “This is pure genius, I told you!”

11. “Are you crying, oh my god”

12. “I can’t believe they just said that”

13. “I can’t believe you just said that”

14. “I never knew it could be scary”

15. “That was so intimidating but so hot”

16. “I’d rather chew on a grenade”

17. “Okay, what did you forget?“

18. “I know that look, what’s wrong?”

19. “I got in trouble for passing this in class”

20. “Tell me about your day”

21. “Literally what”

22. “Wait, what did I do?”

23. “Wow… I’m speechless”

24. “Where are your shoes?”

25. “I won’t forget”

26. “Dance with me.” “We don’t have music.” “We don’t need music.”

27. “You’re home alone?”

28. “Maybe you should spend the night”

29. “It’s getting really annoying”

30. “You aren’t interested are you?”

31. “You’re constantly on my mind”

32. “Someone is grumpy”

33. “Are we seriously just friends?”

34. “You are so adorable I’m gonna be sick”

35. “The truth is, I don’t think anyone could treat you better than I can”

36. You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.”

37. “We need to talk.”

38. “You’re so clingy… I love it”

39. “How long have you been standing there?”

40. “I brought food!” “It’s homemade?” “Yep” “ick”

41. “I’m gonna need your help with a little situation here”

42. “Don’t touch me”

43. “Why is this so hard?”

44. “What are you doing awake?”

45. “You’re staring again” “shit”

46. “This is important” “and I’m not?”

47. “You smell really good”

48. “Where’s my underwear?”

49. “Look, I’m not smart, could you rephrase that please?”

50. “I can have my way with you right here right now if I wanted to”

51. “We deserved better”

52. “You deserve better”

53. “Did you just call me your s/o?”

54. “Just let me know when you want me to stop”

55. “You have to confess to them” “I literally can’t, every time I do, I panic or get interrupted”

56. “Ew”

57. “You thought I was joking when I said I love you?”

58. “Have you ever thought of me when… when you touch yourself?”

59. “You know… you are way out of my league”

60. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do”

61. “Fuck you and fuck your _____”

62. “I’ve never seen eyes as beautiful as yours”

63. *twirls hair and bats eyelashes*

64. “Be honest… are you crying over that book again?”

65. “I’m no doctor but this isn’t supposed to be this color”

66. “You’re gonna have to be quiet, my family is home”

67. “Are you drunk/high?” “No, absolutely not” “you’re doing a little wiggly dance and there’s no music, and you look like you’re more in love with your food than you are with me”

68. “You got me a sword??” “Uh yeah??”

69. “Who gave them fire?”

70. “We’re you the one that slipped that note into my locker?”

71. “What are we?” “What do you mean?” “What’s going on between us?”

72. “Did you take my towel”

73. “Is this supposed a replacement for me?”

74. “If you’re coming over, I’m only gonna let you in if you have _____”

75. “Where did all of your brain cells go?”

76. “I’m never going to get over this”

77. “You have plans without me? Since when?”

78. “I cannot wait to get into your bed”

79. “Is this illegal?” “…”

80. “Is that a… body?” “…” “is it?” “No”

81. “You have got to be one of the dumbest people in this whole town”

82. “Do you still love me”

83. “I’m going to hell”

84. “We’ll be fine” *like 20 minutes later* “DOES THIS LOOK FINE TO YOU”

85. “You know I’m yours, ever since I first saw you, I’ve been wrapped around your finger, before I even knew your name”

86. “Hey! Watch your step” “I can’t see remember”

87. “Where did that come from?”

88. “Where did you get this?”

89. “Are you jealous?”

90. “It could have been worse”

91. “I’m 100% fully in love with you”

92. “You’re such a nerd”

93. “God it’s hot in here”

94. “You’re a terrible influence” “but I could be the best older sibling anyone has had”

95. “Someone here is clearly smarter than the rest of us”

96. “I have no idea what you are talking about”

97. “Was that an apology?”

98. “This feels dirty” “because it is”

99. “Did you draw me”

100. “Fuck you” “when and where?”

101. “Are you touching yourself?”

102. “I’m gonna spend all day think about that now, thanks”

103. “Tell me what you want”

104. “You are so distracting”

~~~~~

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campgender · 1 year

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hiii i was wondering if you had any sam/gabriel fic recs?? i read your fic (you talk like a man & taste like the sun) and it's driven me insane and i need more of them hehe

thanks for your time and also love the fic !!!! excellent excellent writing i cannot stop thinking abt it

thank you so much, that one is really special to me and i’m so glad you liked it!! & OOH excellent question and although i’ve read a lot of them, i’m also on the lookout for any recs folks may have because it’s very difficult to find something without one or more of the seven deadly sins of sam/gabriel fic - ableism, untagged w*ncest, anti-addict rhetoric, an abundance of diet culture, random transphobia, plain old bad writing, and gabriel not being enough of an asshole.

multiple choice, open response by @bendingsignpost is far and away my favorite. the characterization is absolutely immaculate - the layers of mind games, distractions, and defensiveness make me genuinely jealous of the craftsmanship in the best way. i’ve read it like three times in the past two weeks. 12k, rated E

Gabriel snorts. “How’s this: if you can prove you know me so well, I’ll tell you all the boring little nitty gritty details of my tete-a-tete with Death. Deal?”

Hollow’s Gate by chiaroscure fucks hard; the atmosphere and tension are ramped up in a way that can’t be described as anything other than delicious, the premise is original and engaging, and this one also hits the oft-neglected but very vital fact that gabriel often sucks. i rarely read works that aren’t yet complete but this was very worth it. 46k, rated E, in progress (10/11 chapters posted)

Sam holds the glass tightly and searches Gabriel’s face. There’s something mischievous about the crinkles around his eyes and the sharp line of his mouth, but he’s easy to talk to and unjudgmental of anything that he has seen or that Sam has said so far (lots to judge in a gathering of hunters, for a guy wearing a silk waistcoat). He makes Sam feel like he’s in on a joke, even when there’s no joke to be in on. That kind of reminds him of Dean, and it sets Sam at ease.

A Feeling Like You’ve Been Here Before by @majorenglishesquire is languid in the best way, like being half-asleep on a humid summer afternoon. really captures the aimlessness of their states at the time and does some interesting emotional exploration. 15k, rated E

"It's alright," Gabriel says at last, waving it all off. "It's alright. You know what? I'm gonna get you ripped, I'm gonna loosen up whatever has you screwed up so tight. We're gonna make out, and it's gonna be fine. So it's alright," he repeats again. "Say whatever you gotta say."

Open and Shut by @entanglednow for a short and not-quite-sweet glimpse into their dynamic. 1k, rated E

"Do you enjoy playing with me?" Sam asks. He means it to sound like an accusation but it comes out quieter, stranger.

"I always have," Gabriel says simply.

for anyone interested, my fic they mentioned is available here - 12k, rated E. and as i mentioned please hmu with recs if you have any :)

#mothmanchronicler #sabriel #samgabriel #spn #fic rec #asks

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wellntruly · 1 year

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M*A*S*H - Viewguide, S5

Are you interested in the long-running anti-war situation tragicomedy M*A*S*H (1972-1983), but there are simply so many asterisks and so many episodes?

Well I can’t help you with the asterisks, but nor can I help myself: I started watching all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H, and bringing back for you my viewing selections, chosen for The Qualities.

— — —

This season overall I'd say feels kind of, mild? Less low lows and less high highs. Just middley. I nearly included one episode almost wholly for the appeal of being maybe 75% set at night (something I would do), and secondly for the appeal of Hawkeye sleepwalking, when he's not waking from nightmares. But it's very I'll say "Season 5" in that despite this, it's just, I don't know somehow milder than I might want, especially when this set-up naturally recalls the much odder and eerier 'Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde' from Season 2, with (and possibly even because of) its spikier swings between the antic and traumatic.

But it happened that a lot of the stronger stuff here lent itself to putting together something of a more focused character collection. So welcome to our Special Issue!, highlighting the previously maybe somewhat under-served Major Margaret Houlihan, and Captain BJ Hunnicutt:

M*A*S*H - Season 5 Recommended sequence

5x03 ‘Margaret’s Engagement’ - So fun to me that Margaret & Frank transitioning from “secret” lovers to “secret” exes is somehow the exact same mood while having the opposite content. Ending comes out of nowhere and on a pretty weak joke, but when it's just Hawkeye & BJ lounging on each other on Margaret’s bed as she hops around showing them her goofy little engagement ring, that’s the Margaret & The Boys ‘Silly Mood’ vibes I've been missing, baby. Loretta Swit is back!

5x06 ’The Nurses’ - This one made me cry??? It was written and directed by women. It’s about women having complex relationships with each other. Bechdel Test smashed, only took us four seasons!

5x08 ‘Dear Sigmund’ - It's the context here that really has me like, haha totally. This is the first episode they’ve let Alan Alda write all himself in three calendar seasons, and he's like great, okay: can I just get down nothing but a bunch of character meta and headcanons for everyone and put that up as TV? Yeah Victor Hugo that sounds wild, please do.

5x09 ‘Mulcahy’s War’ - Father Mulcahy goes out to the front to experience the horrors (more), but amazingly the real reason I'm including this one is that Gary Burghoff’s distressed little straight man hilarity here made me laugh so, so much, and then have a staggering realization: the character of Radar O'Reilly is absolutely the progenitor of Guillermo de la Cruz.

5x10 ‘The Korean Surgeon’ - Would be worth it for Hawkeye & BJ talking to Radar in the mess tent ALONE (Gary Emmy-winning year). But also I love their kind weary surgeon friend from ~the other side~

5x15 ‘The Most Unforgettable Characters’ - At 10 minutes in I'd thought, alright this is probably just another middle sort of one, and then at 10 minutes and 30 seconds, BJ (BJ, baby??!) spontaneously proposes that he and Hawkeye spend the rest of the episode play-acting that they're fighting to entertain Frank for his birthday, inspiring Barbara Kruger four years later to go, y'know what, I'm gonna have to comment on this.

5x19 ‘Hanky Panky’ - You tell me “BJ episode where he cheats on his wife,” and I’m going to say, “hm well that’s not the kind of character development I think I want,” but I would be wrong about that! A) love her, she's great in this, B) there is one particular revelation BJ shares here that is just, exquisite information. I will say no more at this juncture (Watch Notes: Coming soon!), but in light of oh, a lot: oh my god.

5x25 ‘Margaret’s Marriage’ - Let’s bookend this! One thing I love about long episodic seasons, is that after Margaret somehow ever more hilariously saying the name ‘Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott’ for 22 episodes, the man finally appearing felt like forbidden Beckett.

And also now say bye-bye, Frank [chorus: bye-bye, Frank!]

Season 1 • Season 2 • Season 3 • Season 4 • Season 5 • To be continued

#M*A*S*H hours

#M*A*S*H #M*A*S*H hours #viewguides #Tarra watches

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reshrom · 2 years

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So I just finished the New Tales from the Borderlands aaaaaaaand I got some thoughts, some good, a lot bad. I don’t think I regret getting this game, but I do wish that it was a tad . . . cheaper to buy.

I’ll say this: I played the first Tales before playing this and, no competition, the first one is better by leaps and bounds. Shocker. A lot of what happens in New Tales doesn’t feel as epic as it did in the first Tales. There are story elements that kind of have no meaning or value and just don’t lead to anything. Unlike the first game where nearly everything you did, and almost everyone you meet can come into play at the end. Here . . . it doesn’t.

Case in point, one of the first decisions you make in the game is what to teleport away in Rhy’s office. None of that comes into play. You send the Atlas bot Timm-E to retrieve the item and other than a few random jokes, this never comes into play.

You meet a bunch of unique and interesting characters from Octavio’s friends to the half-psycho Staple-Face, and none of these characters matter! And what’s worse, some of them die! And what’s even worse than that is some of them die and you can clearly do something about it, but the game forces you not to for whatever reason! There were literally many things you could do to avoid the characters death and you simply can’t because the game doesn’t want you to.

Speaking of characters, the main ones I can see being very hit and miss among the fandom. Anu, Octavio, and Fran have a lot of good things going for them, but they also can be really annoying a lot of times too. What makes Tales characters interesting is that they aren’t badass assassins, soldiers, or mercs, they’re normal people trying to survive the bloodthirsty universe they live in. They’re every day people that are cowardly, selfish, and just plain not-badass. That’s what Rhys, Fiona, and to an extent Sasha and Vaughn, were! But they rise above those and work with the skills, abilities and tech they have and become Vaulthunters!

Anu for example is very high-strung and full of anxiety, but she also wants to do good and save lives instead of end them, which is something I don’t think we’ve ever come across in the Borderlands series. It’s very fun to see her go from 1 to 11 in an instant any time GUNS come into play, but it can also get very annoying when she says something cringe or makes super awkward faces. But she can also be badass too! Any time she get s an actual win, it legitimately made me happy.

Octavio is probably my least favorite and probably going to be the least favorite of a lot of fans, I predict. Most of his dialogue is cringe and annoying, but he does get some fun and funny moments, mostly at his expense.

Fran I would say is my favorite simply because of her attitude. Probably closest to a badass you can get in this game. She’s trying to do better with her life and improve herself, but the world is constantly putting her down and you can either have her respond with control or violence. Either way can be enjoyable, though personally it was a lot more fun to freeze people. Not to mention it’s somewhat rare to play a character that’s overweight AND paraplegic, so I give them points on that.

Unfortunately, these characters aren’t enough to buffer a number of the negatives this game has. One of the biggest sins is that, the Opening Music sucks. If you like it, I’m glad, but the first game had such cool and memorable Openings and accompanying music. This one . . . just doesn’t. It just plays some song while the characters do a montage. That’s all the episode openings. It’s nothing special like listening to “Kiss the Sky” while running from a Rakk Hive and Moonshots, while falling out of a speeding, destroyed caravan or listening to “To the Top” while doing a slowmo team walk toward a rocket or listening to “Retrograde” while escaping from a falling space station, your friends either betrayed you, killed or lost to the winds.

Something boring they added was the Vaultlanders mini-game. Personally, even before the game came out I knew this wasn’t gonna be my favorite because it looked boring to start with, but still. Vaultlanders is stupid easy and really only worth completing for the achievement. There’s also a mini-game for Octavio sequences, but those can at least be skipped. The only fun part about the Vaultlanders minigame is that you are challenged by Badass Superfan who is the weirdest nerd ever because they show up in the weirdest of places to challenge you! You feel sorry for them, but at the same time you can’t help but laugh at them too!

Oh and one other thing! Apparently this game was developed some time during the pandemic, which might explain some parts of the game that are . . . cheaply handled. In one scene Fran fights a tank full of alien sharks, but you never see it because you only see Octavio narrating what happens. Then there’s Fran’s big battle with Sponsorbot. Sponsobot turns into this cool, giant, spider-bot monster and Fran finally uses her chair’s most destructive mode that she’s been teasing at having through the whole game . . . and we only see it in an 80′s eight-bit turn-style arcade game. Fuck me, I feel disappointed again just typing that out. This is a world that can digistruct giant things into existence. Hell, the last game had you fighting in a giant robot, power rangers style, and we couldn’t even get wheelchair robot?! I want to be even angrier about this decision, but again, this was made during the pandemic and people were even more limited than! I don’t know if I should restrain my anger for that reason or not.

There are some good points to the game. For one, there are many different dialogues depending on what choices you make. No seriously, depending on what you did or said, some characters will have something different to say and completely rearrange the flow of the conversation. Different things will happen if this one character is pissed at you or you made a mistake or you did something right. It was all really fascinating and offers replayability if you want. There’s even multiple endings if you care about that!

The animation is actually really good, I’d even say better than the first game’s. There’s so much detail in every character and the world they walk around in is gorgeous and even more detailed! I really can’t say they were lazy on the designs and animation, because all of it looks really good and smooth.

Despite the negatives I’ve mentioned, I really feel like there was some love and care put into this game. It wasn’t executed well, but there was effort, and I feel like the developers did what they could with what they had.

Overall, I give this game 6/10 Skateboards!

#new tales from the borderlands #borderlands

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hyperthinks · 1 year

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15 questions for 15 mutuals ^_^ i was tagged by @socialbunny!

1. are you named after anyone?

nope to both my birth name and chosen name! my motivation behind picking the name miles was that it 1. had the same first initial as my birth name and 2. PEOPLE COULD ACTUALLY SPELL IT LMAOOO

2. when was the last time you cried?

i graduated college last weekend and i dont know if id consider it a Full Cry because all i did was tear up but when i gave my favorite professor a hug after i went onstage i was screaming and crying and throwing up on the inside

3. do you have kids?

nope!

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

yeah but in a lighthearted way! im a goofy guy but i dont ever want my jokes to come off as too mean spirited

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

HELP im so shit at sports 😭 my hand eye coordination and depth perception are both awful so im not good at any of them… when i was in the 3rd grade my mom put me in cheerleading and i had such bad social anxiety as a kid that when it was my turn to cheer i would just CRY. it makes for a funny story though

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people?

ooh this ones tough. uhhh it depends on the situation i first meet them in but generally their voice and speech patterns? when i was a kid i didnt inflect a lot (autism.) so i had to “study” other people… i think that’s kind of a holdover from that ?

7. eye color?

brown! ^_^

8. scary movies or happy endings?

hmmm. depends on what mood i’m in and also how well its written!

9. any special talents?

well i just graduated magna cum laude (CUM? 🤨) with a BFA in graphic design so i HOPE i’m good at that LMAOOOO

outside of that? im decently good at digging through code and messing with hex editing for someone who has no formal coding experience outside of HTML and CSS

10. where were you born?

the united states! i was born in missouri but i’ve lived in georgia most of my life

11. what are your hobbies?

ooh lets see. i like researching unused content and the effects of glitches in video games (lifelong special interest. teehee) in addition to, well. actually playing the games. i used to draw a lot more (if you’re reading this and you followed me from my furry twitter: I’m Sorry) but i’ve shifted a lot of my creative energy towards writing (check out my tycutio fanfiction) and graphic design (i need to post some of my stuff here… my senior project was sims 2 themed even)

12. do you have any pets?

i do! we got my dog daisy (lab mix) when i was really little, and she’s 15 now!

we also have a tortoise named tortimer (after the guy from animal crossing) but we just call him torti

13. how tall are you?

5’8” but i used to be 5’9” before scoliosis nerfed me (<- coping and seething)

14. fave subject in school?

in high school it was probably literature, but in college i’d say typography? i like letters. teehee

15. dream job?

please for the love of god i want a job making promotional materials for a game company SO BAD.

i tag… YOU!!! >:D nahhh jk but i AM gently tapping my mutuals on the shoulder if they want to do this . ^_^

#.txt #ask game #long post //

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legendtraineremily · 10 months

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Day 2 of My Pokémon Yellow Nuzlocke Challenge!

So, yesterday was interesting. Not altogether different from past play-throughs but that’s how it goes for the first bit of Generation 1 Pokémon games. The trouble is when you get to Brock and his Rock-type gym. Granted, his Pokémon are…not great. They don’t have any Rock-type moves in this generation, relying instead on Tackle and Bide which are both normal-type moves. The difficulty is in their Rock/Ground typing which makes Pikachu almost useless and their own defenses which make most attacks you lob at them bounce off almost harmlessly.

Oh. And Onix has Bind in Yellow version. Remember what I said in the post for yesterday about how trapping moves would basically end your own actions? Yeah, that’s a potential 5 turns of nothing but pain with no chance at retaliation.

Over-leveling will be the name of today as well as hoping for a Nidoran that can learn Double Kick, which is super effective against Rock-types. Enough talk, let’s do this!

Where was I? Oh, right. Getting through Viridian Forest and training my lower-leveled newbies. Side note, I’ve been a fan of using wild Metapod for easy EXP since I first played Pokémon back 20 years ago in Crystal version. (Wild Metapod don’t keep Tackle in their moveset for…reasons, I guess.) LeafGreen was a breeze as well with that trick.

Okay, out of the forest, healed up in Pewter city, and now it’s off to test my Route 2 luck. Please be a Nidoran; male or female, doesn’t matter, they all work for me. (Shoutout to my Bi and Pan friends! Hi friends!)

Success! I was worried about getting another Rattata, but Nidoran(Female) appeared for me. That is a great relief for the gym but not for my time—I’ll have to train her up quite a bit to get Double Kick.

Route 2 Encounter—Nidoran ♀/Lily

Lv. 4

Hp: 17

Attack: 9

Defense: 9

Speed: 9

Special: 9

At least we can hope little Lily will survive the gym. She can be pretty useful in the rest of the early game if we play it right.

🎶A-grinding we will go, a-grinding we will go…🎶 These poor Metapod are getting wiped out by one of their own. Dark thought, if it weren’t for the fact that canonically the Pokémon just get knocked out. We’re just beating them up and taking their money (EXP).

I gotta take a break. Might hit up the museum. “Hey guys, can I get that Aerodactyl early? That’d be nice.” In reality I’m also enjoying some hometown festivities and homemade baked goods. Y’all ever tried strawberry-rhubarb pie? My wife makes an amazing pie—everyone who tries it loves it, I’m not even joking!

More grinding. More fallen foes. More MtnDew Spark. How’re y’all doing? Drinking water? You should go drink some water. I have a bottle on standby when I’m done with my soda. With all the crazy weather (thanks radical climate change), dry spells can spell doom to your hydration levels. So make sure you’re drinking your water!

All right, I’m about leveled up enough to try the gym. Watch out Brock-y! I’m coming to win.

Pre-Gym lineup:

Pikachu/Zippy- Lv.13

Nidoran♀/Lily- Lv.12

Butterfree/Stinky- Lv.11

Pidgey/BIRBY- Lv.11

Rattata/Remy- Lv.5

Here’s the plan: Hit Geodude with Stinky’s Confusion attack since his Special isn’t really high. Next, we’ll be switching around to keep from being ripped to shreds by Onix’s Screech and Tackle combos. That double drop to defense is no good for anyone. Bide won’t be an issue as I just won’t use damaging moves for the duration. The big problem will be Bind stalling me out; however, if I need to, I can use Remy as healing fodder to allow myself to heal up either Zippy or Lily and finish the battle off on a high note. Now to see if this all works.

Welp, Geodude went down as expected but in an effort to switch out of a Bind, I Double Kick-ed into a Bide. Now, Bide gets stronger the more a Pokémon has been hit during its charge-up so I can hope I get off a critical hit Double Kick and end Onix or end up using poor Remy as cannon fodder. Neither option is preferable. I’ll risk it—wait. Wait, the Bide went off before I could switch and didn’t end Lily. And she Crits for the final hit! Woo! You go little girlie! One badge down, seven more to go.

And so we come to Route 3 leading to Mt. Moon. I can’t use TM’s so I’ll sell off the TM for Bide I just got (why Brock? It’s such a junk move! Rock Tomb from Gen III was the right choice for the remakes). Now I’ll grab some more Pokéballs and a couple Escape Ropes just in case and head out to beat some other trainers and get to the Mt. Moon Pokémon Center.

Hey, did I mention before that Sand-Attack really annoys me? Well I’ll say it again just in case: Sand-Attack really frickin’ annoys me. At least I have a chance to level up Remy a bit more. Your potential, eventual sacrifice will be well worth it buddy, don’t worry!

Another fun fact that I almost had the displeasure of experiencing while beating up the trainers on Route 3 is that in Gen 1 games, Poison is super-effective against Bug. So if Stinky hadn’t wrecked the Weedle with one Confusion, the little bugger’s Poison Sting would’ve really ruined my day.

There are…so many trainers on Route 3. Like they keep popping up on my screen like the wonderful EXP harvests they are. They would be taking much longer but because my Pokémon were apparently built faster, I’m landing Critical Hits all over!

It’s also getting late where I’m at so I may just call it a night and sign off. See y’all and love ya’! -Emily

#pokémon yellow #pokémon nuzlocke #pokémon #nuzlocke challenge #modified nuzlocke #nerd stuff #nuzlocke diary

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adultswim2021 · 1 year

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Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil #11: “Monster” | November 12, 2007 - 12:15AM | S01E11

The final Lucy is finally upon us. Thank god.

This episode isn’t terrible by Lucy standards, whatever that means. The story moves, and the humor compliments the story fine. None of it is particularly funny, though. The story is that there’s a big monster attacking San Francisco. DJ Jesus wants to tame it with beat-boxing. Satan wants to capture it and keep it as a pet. The Sam Seder senator guy wants to kill it and become known to voters as the guy who killed the giant monster in San Francisco and saved everyone from certain doom. The Special Fathers and Sister are touring with the Pope and he wants to help out anyway he can. And Lucy, perpetually 7th banana on her own show, becomes the object of the senator’s sexual frustrations as she continually rejects his advances.

It becomes very easy to figure this out, but the senator turns out to be the monster. He wakes up naked on a dock, which typically suggests such a thing, and that thing turns out to be very true. And it’s the sexual frustration that causes the transformation. The monster is essentially the embodiment of the senator’s blue balls. Also, eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed a little foreshadowing in the Human Sacrifice episode - the senator wears a mask that resembles his monstrous form. I actually noticed this and remembered the monster from this episode (which I didn’t watch; I just saw the actual monster itself in promos and in snippets) and thought “huh, I’m guessing that’s foreshadowing?” What a smart guy I am.

Notable factoids about this episode: this episode marks a return to the pilot’s use of a licensed song for the opening; this time H. Jon Benjamin sings “I Know What Boys Like” by the Waitresses. It didn’t do much for me other than give me the gift of recognition. A lot of the music stuff on this show is always never quite right. The other thing to note is that the end credits feature a scene where Lucy tells her dad that she’s pregnant. There’s a hard cut to credits, implying a cliff-hanger for season 2, but then they have a conversation over the credits where it’s cleared up that she was trying to prank her father when she’s not pleased with his cheery reaction. So, Lucy is NOT enceinte. I genuinely wonder if they chicken out of this reveal or if they knew that the show wasn’t gonna get picked up at this point and decided not to be annoying. Don’t want to give fans the wrong impression that Lucy might have something interesting going on in future episodes.

Despite my clowning on it, that conversation is mildly amusing, and could be the closest the show ever properly got to being Home Movies. But this show wasn’t even Home Movies season 4. But this is perhaps undercut by the lame choice to include rehashed animation of the Monster from the episode clowning around on screen during it. It’s the same sort of feeling I get from when post-classic Simpsons episodes call back a bad joke at the end of an episode, or when Sealab added “Zombie Cat Loves You!” at the end of that one episode. It’s like “oh, our fans are gonna wanna see this guy again!” as if you’re mounting a children’s theater production of Lucy. I did not want to see this monster again, thank you. I will not be buying the T-shirt with the monster on it. Please. Don’t make me! Okay, here’s my ranking for the series. Because why not? From least-worst to worst-worst.

S01E06 - Human Sacrifice

S01E08 - The Special Fathers vs. The Vampire Alter Boys

S01E02 - Escapeoke

S01E11 - Monster

S01E07 - The Busboy

S01E04 - Temptasia

S01E09 - The Dreamster

S01E01 - He's Not the Messiah, He's a DJ

S01E10 - Satan's School for Girls

S01E05 - Terry the Teratoma

S01E03 - Dildo Factory

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #lucy: the daughter of the devil

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brido · 1 year

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I Watched 14 Gallagher Specials in 2019 and These Are the Notes I Took.

An Uncensored Evening (1980).

Gallagher is 34-years-old here and has been doing comedy for 11 years.

On paper this is a fairly charming introduction to Gallagher. It has its moments (which I’ll get to), but I just keep thinking about how a lot of these jokes seem like first-year-in-comedy type bits. Or maybe that’s just me. So many things reminded me of things I tried to write my first year in comedy. Because yeah, Gallagher is a prop comic. Because that’s what you remember. But he’s mostly a joke machine here. I just can’t decide if his one-liners are under appreciated or if he uses his wordplay and observations the same way a magician or comedy hypnotist uses them.

Also, it’s 1980. So I don’t know if all of these are original Gallagher jokes, stolen jokes, street jokes, or what was considered ‘hack’ at the time. Just as an example, he does a bit about how women cary their purse if they have money in it vs. if they don’t. And when he says, “If it’s like this, that bitch ain’t got a dollar.” Like, he uses an affected voice and delivery for the punch line he never uses the rest of the hour. Like he got it off a black Comedy Store miker without permission. But I’m making a lot of assumptions. It just feels like anyone could tell these jokes since there’s no part of him in most of them. He has a joke about the wet spot. He makes fun of commercials. He has Polack jokes. He has a gay interior decorator voice. Mexicans in a car jokes. He basically says, “These are the things I think about while I’m getting high.” He does, “If I was in charge” jokes. And his crowd work goes over well, but it’s peak club hack. I just don’t know if it was in 1980.

There were jokes I liked. Getting Jehova’s Witnesses to deliver the mail made me laugh. He doesn’t comb his hair because, “Parallel hair? Who needs that?” Which almost sounded like Hedberg to me. I found his transexual joke really interesting, “What if there’s a female spirit trapped inside my body and I don’t know it because she’s a lesbian?” And he follows it up with saying his preference for female bicycles. “Does it seem reasonable to you that the one with the balls gets the one with the bar?” But again, what are the chances that Gallagher’s take on bicycles was original? I don’t know. There were glimpses into who this dude actually is. Like, I can tell he really hates Jimmy Carter. And while I probably wouldn’t agree with his politics, I kinda wanted him to go there instead of just dipping his toe in.

But I guess none of this is the point of Gallagher. He comes out on roller skates. He pulls a banana out of his pants. He tosses out candy bars. The point is the fun. And actually, the part where he pretended to almost fall down towards the end actually made me laugh pretty hard because of the tension he created by hitting on a woman in the front row. And honestly, the best part of this was the introduction of the watermelon. The crowd had never seen this shit before. So they had no idea what to expect. There’s a point when he’s basically taunting them with smashing it onto them if they don’t laugh at his jokes. And then he leaves it there as a reminder. I loved that. It added a layer of danger that had them giddy with anticipation. And then during this whole thing, his microphone cuts out and his riffs, plus the crowd’s reaction in support, is one of those magic moments that I’m so glad they kept in the final cut. Which also seems very ‘alt’ of them to do. Yeah, I guess I’m curious to see where he goes from here.

Mad As Hell. (1981).

Well, Gallagher is in a theater now. And someone must have given him the same notes I did from his first special because the whole thing is quasi-political, “if I was in charge” material. The one-liners are mostly gone. So is the watermelon. It’s like a deep-cut Carlin special without the gravitas or like, if “Weird” Al had reimagined Chris Rock’s “Bigger and Blacker”. I don’t know. The POV is more clear. But I am guessing it’s also entirely forgettable.

Let’s set aside the fact that this is his second hour in a year. And that he has another one coming later in the year. Or the same night (I’m not sure how it works yet). And that’s really fucking impressive. But this is still just applause-break comedy with the crutch of a bigger audience. He still hates smokers. And balding. And he still thinks money is worthless. There’s still a slight element of danger with the crowd. But this time it’s just graham crackers and spit liquor. I honestly don’t know why he’d move away from that unless it’s coming later in massive amounts.

Again, there were jokes that I liked. His chunk about traffic was pretty strong. I liked the line about left turns (”That’s your yellow, you paid for it with your green.”) He has a strong riff with the audience about what to call a car with a bathroom. His bit about gene splicing (in 1981, holy shit) and his cat is all pretty solid (”Why don’t they make a butt flavored cat food?”, “When’s the last time your cat brought you home a tuna?”, when he wipes his feet on the pre-flattened cat). But there’s still arguably-racist jokes about the Japanese, the Iranians, Mexicans and their cars, etc. And there’s still jokes I’m not sure if he actually wrote (”military intelligence”) or might not be the most original (”why does a man have nipples?”, getting charged more when a check bounces).

But the weirdest part comes at the end. And I say this knowing full well that he enters the stage singing, with a roller skate on one foot and a spring on the other, and that stage hands toss him hats or American flags at various times throughout the show. But Gallagher’s big Hannah Gadsby moment is a ‘save the whales’ poem complete with illustrations, one of which sprays water. It has nothing to do with the rest of the show. And Gallagher’s seemingly anti-union, dog-whistle-racist commentary seems at odds with such a cliche-hippy message. I have no real problem with it. But shit was weird. Like, maybe just smash some watermelons, man.

Two Real. (1981).

Okay. I stand corrected. This was incredible. I don’t even care if things didn’t necessarily work. Yes, there was still gay voice and his most anti-Mexican joke yet. But this was ambitious as fuck. The ‘stupid’ part of the show makes the first part (since this was the same night as ‘Mad as Hell’) almost come off as brilliant. It’s AM & FM by Carlin meets Steve Martin meets the Carnegie Hall show by Andy Kaufman. He’s got sketches with a female performer. More songs. More balloon animals. Even a song-and-dance act with a prosthetic woman on his back that I feel like would have murdered at the Lincoln Lodge in 2005. The sledge hammer is even bigger. He even has the watermelons perform in a trapeze act. And he still finds ways to sneak in commentary on Middle Eastern oil or says the network news ain’t real or whatever. I’m trying to picture a 35-year-old comic from my generation pulling this off now and I’m coming up completely empty. Maybe Vatterott. It’s just hard to believe this is the same guy from the year before.

Totally New (1982).

The name probably wasn’t meant to be ironic. But this is a lot of rehash from the first special. Actually, I think the watermelon routine is the exact same as the first special. But I just keep thinking about how the watermelon smashing is the only thing we currently remember about Gallagher, when so much of this is political in nature. The theme is essentially, “How do we beat the Japanese?” That comes with some pretty dicey commentary on Japanese people, themselves. The worst of which is when he asks a member of the audience what they did today to beat the Japanese. And when the man replies that he dug a ditch, Gallagher says, “And buried a Jap in it?” I mean, Jesus Christ. Even if that line was handed to him on a platter... yuck. And since his overall message reminds me of a nationalistic Trump campaign rally, it might be important to know that our president is only a month older than Gallagher. Take that for whatever it’s worth.

I guess I miss the fun of the last special and was hoping Gallagher was finding his groove. Maybe the dislocated elbow has something to do with it, but the same magic isn’t there. And the odd editing and misplaced laugh tracks also distracted me to the point that I had to assume some the jokes didn’t land when he did them live. I’m not even really sure if any stand out to me. There’s anti-union stuff. He does gay voice again and says “fairy” towards the end. There’s a point where he says, “I want you people to respect me for my mind,” and I thought, ‘that’s interesting’, but then he follows it up by saying, “See how dumb that sounds, girls?” So yeah. That’s what I’ll probably remember. I don’t know. The observational stuff wasn’t for me. He had a bit about women loving shoes. He sang a country song (!) that would definitely not be okay in the MeToo era. At times, some of the sight gags reminded me of something John Oliver would do towards the end of his show. But most of it felt like filler.

There’s a point where he takes a fuzzy bathroom mat and lid and pretends to be a baseball catcher, which is a pretty great sight gag. His spelling material was interesting, but lacked punch lines. And I liked when he talked about his daughter. Because maybe it was the only time we’ve really gotten to see the real guy behind all the mess. The title notwithstanding, I am ready for something from Gallagher that is totally new.

That’s Stupid (1982).

Hey gang. This was bad. And I’m not really clear what it was for. It’s the same jokes for the most part, but this time it’s done in a frantic and oddly-edited public-access-style monologue. There were lots of takes he should have re-shot. And I’m wondering if these were originally supposed to be digested in 5-minute chunks between shows. And maybe they threw them together into a special at a later time? And I almost skipped this because it’s not live. Then I remembered Drew Michael’s HBO special, which is essentially the same thing. So oddly enough, the two most avant-garde specials of 2018 (Drew and Hannah Gadsby) had already been done by Gallagher in 1981 and 1982. But I guess that’s what happens when you have 100 specials.

Just about the best thing I can say about this is that he looks like he’s having fun. He keeps going for a joke about a Japanese computer spitting out fortune cookies, which... no. He also complains about cab drivers not being from this country. Then again, I swear Seinfeld has the same fucking bit. And he has even more anti-gay jokes. Some of which appear while he’s shirtless with manikins, which seem like a fever dream. I guess I liked seeing his house in Malibu. He had two jokes I hadn’t heard yet that I liked (one about finding good parking spots for the gym and the other about how they should get the net out of the middle of tennis courts because it ruins the game). And the one genuinely funny moment, quick though it was, came when he talked to a blonde woman at the unemployment office who said a man exposed himself from behind a newspaper. And Gallagher asked if he was reading the want ads. It’s objectively funny. But yeah. This one should be avoided. But I guess his joke about E.T. is a kind reminder about just how long ago this actually got made.

Stuck in the Sixties (1983).

So there’s a theme of sorts, even though almost every joke was on “That’s Stupid.” Again, the editing is distractingly bad. I always think how expensive it must have been for him to just buy all these random things just to hold them up to the audience and say they’re stupid. But again, that still reminds me of John Oliver. There’s a long chunk about women’s nightgowns, and I have to admit that the sight gag of him pretending to go to the grocery store while saying, “This is a hideous problem,” made me laugh. I find it interesting that he said we shouldn’t have phone books, we should have computers. And that we should be able to dial people’s names. So he was right on those ones. But really, this is forgettable. And still, nothing gets a reaction like the Sledge-O-Matic. This one includes cottage cheese, so that’s fun. And the anti-Mexican, anti-Japanese stuff was barely noticeable. He says “rice-burnin’ cars” and he points at a guy in the crowd and identifies him as a Mexican. Other than that, it’s peace and love. But not much else.

The Maddest (1983).

Do I think this one is memorable? Yeah, because I remember it from when I was a kid. It’s the giant couch trampoline special. And I’ve noticed that Gallagher has developed a bit of swag over the last two specials. And why wouldn’t he? This crowd is with him on everything this time. And at the end, they know the Sledge-O-Matic is coming, a few people have brought protective sheets and these people WANT that watermelon. And they want that son of a bitch smashed. He’s definitely performing to fans. Finally.

I also might be changing my mind, in hindsight, about the “That’s Stupid” special. These last two specials have been packed with that same material. So it’s like he crammed every joke he performed into an hour and did them as fast as he could. “That’s Stupid” is jam packed. It’s two-other-specials worth of material. Which also means a lot of this stuff is repeats again. There’s also an outsized number of jokes I have to wonder, again, if they were written by Gallagher. Hot dog packages and hot dog buns have different numbers. 7-11 has locks, but it’s open 24 hours. And agin, I have to wonder if all of that is besides the point since he’s also entering on roller skates, driving around a school desk, having an Exorcist baby spit water and doing backflips on a fucking couch trampoline that he bought “with yer money.”

Again, I think his stuff about his baby daughter is probably the strongest. I liked the bit where he says Californians were pissed they couldn’t go any farther west so they built piers. And he has a men vs. women joke that’s eerily similar to Chris Rock’s from “Bigger and Blacker”, which came almost two decades later. Also, there’s some homophobia (he calls a hat ‘sissy’, he repeats a joke about sexual confusion in San Francisco). And I’m curious if his “busses taking kids to the wrong schools” line (another repeat) is anti-integration, which would be fucking flagrant.

Mostly I’m curious about all the repeat material. Like, what is the need for Gallagher and Showtime to put out multiple shows with the same jokes shuffled around? The sight gags are what’s new, which I guess answers the question about what was important. At one point we’re almost 55-minutes in, and Gallagher references being up there for an hour and a half. He’s done something like this before and it makes me wonder if he had a longer show they edited around or what. I guess I’m just confused as to why we keep getting two specials a year or whatever it is, just so another big sight gag can be introduced. Then again, I remembered the couch. But I couldn’t tell you a single joke. And I think it’s probably gonna stay that way.

Melon Crazy (1984).

The jokes are no longer the point. You could argue that they never were to begin with. But things have fully devolved into a big messy finale, new gadgets and sight gags and nothing else even matters. The people have brought their tarps from home. There’s a kid in a welding mask. And you’ve heard a vast majority of the jokes already. Nobody seems to mind. Part of me is surprised Showtime didn’t mind. But again, the jokes are no longer the point. If they were ever the point.

In fact, this time, Gallagher brings out Bill Kirchenbauer (Growing Pains, Just The Ten Of Us) to do 12 minutes of material and then another 5 minutes of riffing. But I guess, why do other people’s material when you can just get other people to do their own? And Kirchenbauer isn’t bad. He’s physical. He has props. He’s bald. Less charismatic, but more likable. I feel like I remember watching his set when I was a kid.

But we should probably talk about the sight gags. Gallagher comes out with a train-set hat shaped like a watermelon. He has a giant inflatable watermelon. He flies a small zeppelin (also a watermelon) over the audience, telling them he spends money on these things because they’re tax deductible. Now there’s a cleaning bucket for the Sledge-O-Matic. And the big closing piece is a Jackson Pollock-style painted map of the United States made with condiments and goop.

The bit is also a vehicle for more racist jokes about Mexicans. The crowds all seem to be in California. And they seem to laugh and applaud at the jokes. He uses guacamole to paint California. Then bean dip to indicate the southern border. It might have seemed more innocent if he hadn’t already had a joke about Californians wanting to annex Mexico because, “If you’re gonna live with the people you might as well get the real estate that goes with ‘em.” And he’s already told you (again) that he’s not thrilled about foreign cab drivers (”I don’t have anything against foreigners, but it ain’t no reason to give em a job,”). He also alludes to Chinese people in San Francisco, but it seemed more innocent without anti-Chinese shit earlier in the act.

Maybe none of this matters. Maybe it’s just a cadence, words to say while he does the thing they came to see. But as the credits roll, snippets of his act are repeated in audio form. Like, “Remember this one?” And yeah. I do. Because you’ve used it on four specials. Which, again, is probably besides the point.

Over Your Head (1984).

Hey, some new stuff. Or like, 70% anyway. This time Gallagher is in Texas. And he’s figured out new ways to fuck with the crowd. He’s got a bucket of water in a paper bag. When they think that’s done, he sprays them with a water gun as they scurry for their tarps. At the end, the stage has sprinklers, which is actually pretty genius. And I have to admit that I love when he gives the crowd a knowing look. About 13 minutes in, he does just that while saying, “You’re very correct to have your plastic up at this point.” Because, really, what’s the fun if everyone is ready for it?

This is almost a full-on variety show. He tap dances. Sharon Baird from The Mickey Mouse Club tap dances even better. Gallagher reads a poem about river pollution, while a blue screen shows videos to the home audience. He sings “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” while a zeppelin hovers over the crowd. It’s bigger than the one from the last special. Then the feed cuts to Gallagher flying an actual zeppelin somewhere. Presumably over a rainbow. All while wearing a top hat that turns into a rainbow. And it’s somehow all a message about air pollution. In Texas. In 1984.

So he definitely gets an A for ambition once again. Because as I typed that out, it started to dawn on me how insane that sounds on paper. Plus he’s got jokes about the Phoenicians, he’s got a mascot-like character of guy with his head up his ass. His fake daughter hangs off the rafters. And he has giant swim trunks he turns into a dress and a bull whip he bought at a 7-11. Maybe I’d be more impressed if I liked the stand-alone jokes. It’s really broad, for the most part. Women be shopping. Lots of pandering to Texas. Lots of facial mugging. But when the slop comes out everyone roars. By now I should give up on the ‘smart’ portion, accept the applause breaks, and embrace the stupidity.

The Bookkeeper (1985).

James Franco should totally play Gallagher in the movie. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m getting so annoyed at all the repeat material. Maybe because saying ‘14 specials’ is kinda misleading since it’s one or two specials, shifted around by theme or at random. The theme in this one is taxes. He doesn’t like paying them. And there are some funny lines in there. He breaks down whose seat payed for what and then says, “That’s why I love the balcony. You’re MY money.” And “Congress is the opposite of progress,” which I’m guessing there’s zero chance he wrote. But he also shoots a ball of money into the crowd with a cannon, so what’s the point of dissecting it?

And I could complain about his ‘men don’t stop to ask for directions’ bit. Or tell you that his material about masculine female athletes would be problematic in 2019. Or that he does a bit about women breaking a nail. Because he also has an invisible elephant climb up a ladder (complete with bending bars) and dive off a diving board into a pool, splashing water on the first few rows. He also has new mallets. He’s got a peeled watermelon. He’s got a giant big wheel. He’s got strobe lights. And it still hasn’t gotten old to me when he fakes out the crowd.

There were things I liked or found interesting. I honestly liked hearing him talk about Michael Jackson (”You sing about Billie Jean, I want to see the bitch,”) and Brooke Shields ("Her name even sounds like an anti-sexual device,”). It’s funny when he talks about all the ridiculous things he learned in school, which he pronounces SHULE. And the bit about the ‘W’ in ‘One’ and ‘Two’ is clever. And the commercial he saw for the suppository, where the woman saying, “Don’t take my world for it,” is just a nice way of saying, “Stick one up your ass.”

He’s spending a fuckload more times on the props though, and it shows. Even if there are multiple repeats, he’s always a step ahead of his audience in the splash zone. Just not sure if you can fault him if he’s giving the people what they want.

Overboard (1987).

Honestly, I think this might be Peak Gallagher. If this isn’t his pinnacle, I’d be shocked. The material is new (or like, 95%), and strong enough that an editing decision was made to just give a highlight reel of the Sledge-O-Matic starting at the 45-minute mark. He must have done over two hours by the looks of it. And he’s got the biggest stage yet, the biggest set yet and the biggest props yet. In other words, yeah, Overboard.

Let’s also get out of the way, that it’s also probably the most ‘problematic’ of the Gallagher specials if it were released in 2019. He’s got a ‘Fat Bitch on a Stick’, basically a heavyset woman on a pole that he holds over the audience and says, “She’ll poop on ya.” Which she then does. And I’m laughing as I type that. He throws the mannequin of an ugly Soviet/Russian woman in a pool. He hands vibrating watermelons to bikini models. He has bikini models. He says he doesn’t like women who look like men. And if they want to pump iron... it’s a dumbbell made of clothing irons. He says prison overcrowding causes homosexuality. But that might just be for his street joke punchline of “nowhere to put their stuff.” He says ‘sissy’ again, regarding the names of nuclear missiles. He has more jokes about the Japanese (”a race of very short people who are always bending in half”) and does an L/R pronunciation joke for the Toyota Corolla. There’s also Japanese tourist material. But the real ‘yikes’ stuff is about Arabs. TWA stands for ‘Travel With Arabs’, Delta stands for ‘Don’t Even Let Them Aboard’. He mistakes ‘Arab’ for ‘Muslim’ again later in the show. This is in 1987, mind you. And then the skinned watermelon at the end is Muammar Gaddafi, complete with a turban. It might be Bugs-Bunny-level racism, but still.

If we can get past that, this can be a fantastic spectacle full of fantastic spectacles. He has a giant car, designed to look like a boat. He has a seagull on a pole, which also shits on all the people in their raincoats. He swings on a rope over their heads, which looks fucking dangerous. He invented a beer gun. And a champagne gun. And a moose douche, which is so stupid, it’s hilarious. He has a muscle coat, which I wanted really bad as a kid. And at the end, his daughter (I assume) hits him in the face with a pie.

I think the biggest relief for me was that the material was new. I think we get to the 43-minute mark before he does verbatim jokes I’ve heard him do. Sure, some of the ‘new’ stuff seems lifted. He does the Greenland/Iceland bit. He does the “the cops didn’t have anything to go on” street joke. A new joke about men not asking for directions. But it’s also commentary on Iran-Contra, the presidents since LBJ, and after he ranted about spending money on other countries and giving back the Panama Canal, I swear Trump has seen this special. Especially when you see Trump splashing water. If he could hand vibrating watermelons to bikini babes at his rallies, you know he would.

In 1986, Showtime put out a special called, ‘The Messiest’, which was just clips from pervious specials. I joked to myself about how that’s basically what every Gallagher special was. Not this one. Maybe if five specials from now, he’s still splashing the crowd with a paddle while Frankie Ford’s “Sea Cruise” plays, but as of now, this one will be hard to top.

We Need a Hero (1992).

I can’t quite place my finger on it, but I feel like this isn’t the same fun-loving Gallagher from the 80′s. Maybe it’s because he seems obsessed with ‘getting’ the audience now. He makes fun of them when he fakes them out with water and slop. He tells them they look dumb when they duck. He never used to do that. Maybe it’s because they bring massive tarps now. But the ‘pies’ he makes at the end just gross the audience out. They grossed me out too. A soaked diaper with mustard and beer? That’s pretty fucking disgusting. So is watching him hand-mix baked beans and apple sauce for some reason. But I guess he stands in the audience while his infamous brother smashes shit this time to prove he can take it, but still. At this point, if you go to one of Gallagher’s shows, he’s fully intent on ruining whatever you were wearing. Hey honey, I got tickets to a full-on food fight tonight. Can’t wait to come home stinking like god-knows-what. This is the same guy who used to throw out candy bars and cookies.

Maybe it’s his age. Gallagher is 46 now. He’s got a shaved head, which is actually an upgrade, even though he looks like G. Gordon Liddy. And I can’t help but think he feels angrier or like he’s not having as much fun. At least until the whig comes off. Maybe he’s just seeing how far he can take things. All that being said, this is also Gallagher’s most topical special thus far. And it does have some truly great moments (which I’ll get to).

He’s got jokes about Pee-wee Herman, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker (”It’s too much to ask the preachers to do more than laypeople”, “I’m not a preacher ‘cause I already got your money”), Mike Tyson, George Bush (he said, “Read my lips” because he’s lying out his ass), Bill Clinton, Ross Perot, the Kennedys (they’re “drunk butts” from High-anus), Pete Rose, Madonna, Dr. Ruth, etc, etc, etc. Everything places us clearly in 1992. And I believe it’s 100% new stuff. There were lots of lines that made me laugh. “Soup isn’t food. Soup is what’s left over in the dishwasher after a good meal”, “A fair is where we all go to get cheated”, “Women can’t keep a secret but they can hold a fart”. And the problematic stuff might not be as noticeable. He doesn’t like men who wear an earring or women who look masculine. But that might just be a way for him to reveal his shaved head or the bikini top he made for his muscle suit. He has a “Black Or White” joke for Michael Jackson, but I’m guessing every comic at the time thought of that joke.

My favorite part is when he brings up Robert Morris, a 14-year-old boy, who is so perfectly dorky that he is probably a plant. Like, I rewound the part where he tries to speak into the microphone and gets sprayed with water three times. That shit killed me. Even thought I’m positive I’ve seen this before. I mean, Gallagher also sprays the kid with a fuckload of silly string, which could be considered mean. But he really walks a fine line between laughing AT this kid and still making it okay. This special is essentially topical jokes and passable relationship humor done by a guy who probably has the gravitas to not smash shit anymore. And maybe it’s making him resent them for making him.

Smashing Cheeseheads (1997).

I’m pretty sure this isn’t a Showtime special, but it almost looks like one, so why not? Gallagher sticks with the topical. He’s got jokes about OJ Simpson and Lorena Bobbitt. After his Mike Tyson joke, a graphic comes on the screen that says, “Two hours after this performance, Mike Tyson bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear.” He also thinks the kids should pull their damn pants up. He points out how different men and women are. Men go off to the garage, for example. So it’s definitely not hip. And the hair is back, so maybe that’s a statement on how he’s 51-years-old and he’s not changing. But I also think the career decline is the most evident here, even though the theater in Green Bay is full.

This is also the first special where Gallagher just flat-out calls something, ‘faggy’. He also says he’s gonna smash fruit cocktail for the homosexuals. Then he combines the fruit cocktail (aka ‘the queers’) with La Choy (for ‘the China people’) and calls it “a San Francisco treat.” We’re in Wisconsin, mind you, so who fucking knows why that would land. And the laughter seems pumped in for that line. The weirdest fucking thing to me is that, based on the montage at the end, there was a lot of editing done during the show. So he (or whoever edited this) left that joke in because they liked it. Crazy.

I’m guessing this is largely forgettable. The Sledge-O-Matic has devolved into blatant gross-out time. There’s pickle water in a Depends diaper. Peanut butter becomes a shit joke. Jelly is cum. He hits chocolate Pop Tarts into the crowd with a tennis racket and says they're bound to hurt somebody. So like, why do it then? Just about the most interesting thing for me was that this is the first time we see Gallagher actually purchasing groceries for his show. And he spends $253, which would be about $400 in 2019. It’s all fresh food, Gallagher reminds the audience earlier in the show. So if it hits you with your mouth open, just go ahead and chew. It’s also the first time I’ve seen him walk into the crowd with a fire hose and spray the back of the crowd and the balcony. So nobody is safe. And I’m sure if he found a way to splash his gross-ness on me while I watched it 22-years later, he would do that too.

Messin’ Up Texas (1998).

Wow. This is an absolute shitshow. I don’t even know what to say about what this has devolved into. Then again, the tastes in entertainment in the late 90′s and early 2000′s sure were going this way, but Jesus Christ. It’s almost entirely crowd work. A lot of it is downright mean. And then by the end, the stage is just a goddamn disaster. Again, there were parts I liked.

First of all, Gallagher’s nephew, Logan, is a hit with the crowd. Some of Gallagher’s interactions with the kid are a smidge inappropriate. But one of the parts I liked the most from We Need a Hero was when he’d have ‘adult’ lines go over the 14-year-old kid’s head while the crowd laughed. So I have to accept that a boy scooping butter out of a tub with his hands gets told he should be a gynecologist when he grows up. And that’s before a thinly-veiled joke about the kid masturbating in the shower. Real fucking borderline. But those were the good interactions.

Gallagher loves telling people they’re fat. That’s a new thing he’s doing. And one poor kid named Adam gets told his mom picked a Biblical name because she’s in motels so often and she picked up a Bible and turned to the first page. And that’s before he tells the kid he has a ‘faggy’ pocket on his pants. There’s more homophobic shit when he starts bringing up dudes from the crowd who have pocketknives to open paint cans. He starts insinuating one guy’s earring is gay. And he tells him people with rainbow bumper stickers deserve to be rear ended. I felt the worst for a girl with the last name Campbell. Gallagher calls her a dumb bitch in a way that felt like he was barely kidding. He hits her with one of his gross-out pies when she wasn’t expecting it. And then has her lift her shirt up to wipe it off, exposing her bra. I felt so uncomfortable. But she was a really good sport and got to smash watermelons at the end. Someone her age now would dash off the stage bawling and her tears would launch 1000 blogs. And these were all the parts where it felt like Gallagher was in control. Not so much later on.

Some of the audience members are not ready for prime time. One teenager is uncontrollable and starts grabbing random things off the stage. That stayed in the final edit, somehow. Gallagher also apparently blinds himself with one of the mustard splats and I felt like the wheels were coming off. There was a point a few specials back where I was sick of his material. Now I’m begging him to reel everything back in.

Sledge-O-Matic.com (2000).

This might be entirely skippable. It’s essentially the same set as the last two specials. Except it’s somehow even more homophobic. He says ‘faggy’ more often. He basically tells a 10-year-old boy he looks like his mom and picked a ‘faggy’ candy. He thinks pro wrestling is gay. Men with earrings look like homosexuals and piss off all the queers that come up to them. Lots of YIKES-type shit. He even manages to throw in a Mexican janitor joke. It’s a little much, to say the least. I guess I’m surprised he put this out. Except I guess he’s got a shaved head and a goatee again. Because he’s trying to look like Steve Austin. And maybe he just wants to sell a new shirt. And I suppose when he tells the little boy he can’t tell his gender, it does yield the line, “What? It’s just a head sticking out of a plastic bag. Looks like Jeffrey Dahmer’s garbage.” So... worth it?

The crowd just wants the smashing. When he’s trying to complain about modern society, he starts to lose them. He seriously tries to sneak in anti-religious jokes in the middle of this chaos where the audience has essentially become children and Hot Topic teenagers with their parents. There are a few other good lines. A guy walks in late with (presumably) a NASCAR jacket and Gallagher says, “You walk in late with Tide on your jacket. Go do another load and come back.” And when he talks about precautions against a lawsuit for things that happen during his show he says, “The things I want to do at night for fun sound real dumb at court in the morning.” In fairness, I guess he didn’t have too much further he could have gone after Overboard. But at this point, we’ve hit a wall.

Tropic of Gallagher (2007).

I can’t find the footage online and part of me is thrilled about that.

Gotham Comedy Live (2014); episode “Gallagher”.

This is listed under his comedy specials on his Wikipedia. It’s not. He’s just hosting a showcase-type show on AXS TV. And it’s part sad, part fascinating to watch. For one thing, he’s not smashing anything, so Gallagher is limited to his old one-liners, which come off really awkwardly and past their sell-by date. He also has a fucking Arab joke that somehow still made it onto the show in 2014. But it’s interesting in that, this is basically back to where we started in 1980. Except he’s not 34 and on roller skates. He’s 61 and he’s had 4 heart attacks. It’s also the first time I’ve seen him with a regular microphone. But goddamnit, Gallagher looks like he’s having fun and happy to be there. It’s charming in an old-guy type of way. And I’m just kinda happy to see that he’s not flinging gross shit at idiots. At least not for this one night in Manhattan.

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prettyboypucey · 3 years

Text

Weird ~ G.W.

Summary: George is gorgeous. Charlie is a meddler. The snow is cold. (this summary sucks...just read it)

Pairing: George Weasley x Y/N

Word Count: 2,404 (who do I think I am?)

Warnings: mentions of bullying. mentions of food/eating. george is unknowingly triggering? reader cries. idk? let me know if i missed something.

A/N: part 2? maybe? translations are for romanian via google translate. do not come for me if they are hella wrong.

Translations: draga - darling; dragoste - love; tampit - stupid

I had never been normal. From the time I was a toddler I had stars in my eyes and dirt on my knees. While the other kids in my grade were playing with dolls and dressing respectably, I was riding imaginary dragons and wearing mismatched socks with dungarees and a butterfly headband. Normalcy evaded me even further when at 11 years old, I got a letter declaring me a witch.

When I first came to Hogwarts I spent the majority of my time alone. It appeared that even children who could wave a stick around and makes things fly wanted nothing to do with the colorful little girl. Meeting Luna Lovegood in my second year was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Here was a girl who allowed me to be exactly who I was with no judgments. And then she introduced me to Neville Longbottom and Ginny Weasley, and suddenly that little girl who thought her only friends would always be the rocks she painted faces on, had found her people.

Of course, being friends with Ginny Weasley meant knowing her many brothers. So after graduation when I went off to Romania to work with dragons it made me feel slightly better knowing Charlie Weasley would be there. He quickly took me under his wing and became the older brother figure I had never had. After working together for three years, and electing to stay at the sanctuary for the last two over the holidays, he had finally convinced me to come home with him. I was reluctant to leave the sanctuary - the one place I truly feel safe (despite the massive fire breathing creatures).

Charlie had warned me that being with one or two of the Weasleys was very different from being with the entire Weasley clan. Obviously I knew Charlie and Ginny, Ron had always been nice to me, and I had met Molly a handful of times in passing. However, Bill was known to be quite intimidating, Percy was supposedly very no-nonsense, and the twins (albeit never cruel) had a reputation of being hell-raisers.

Apparating to the edge of a marsh with Charlie by my side I could see the rising structure haphazardly balanced slightly ahead.

Pausing, I glanced at the back of the familiar red covered head, “I don’t know Charles, maybe I should just go back. I really don’t want to be a burden.”

Charlie very quickly rounded behind me to continue guiding me towards his home, “No, no, no, no, no. No. You’re not a burden to anyone draga. Keep your head up and if any of them give you grief - remind them of the giant, winged beasts you can feed them to.”

Quickly placing a kiss to the side of my head Charlie bounded ahead again to open the door and announce your arrival. Before I could toe off the first boot to leave next to the dozen other pairs in the entryway, a pair of arms had flung around my neck.

“Y/N! I missed you so much!”, Ginny pulled back, keeping her grip on my shoulders, to inspect for any major injuries.

I held onto her elbows, keeping her close, “Hi Gin, I missed you too. A lot. I’m loving this new look by the way.”

She reached up to brush the now short locks behind her ears. A grin on her face as the two of us looked the other over for the first time in months. Ginny was wrapped in a pretty baby pink sweater with shades of red and white running through it. The material was soft against my palm as I hooked it around her crooked elbow to follow her into the living area.

“You know”, she started, “I was starting to think maybe Charlie had let you get eaten or burnt to a crisp in the land of dragons. It’s been so long since you’ve come to see me or left the sanctuary.”

“I’m sorry Ginny. It’s just that after everything, I had to keep myself busy.”

Ginny’s smile softened into one of understanding. The war had taken a part of all of us. Although Fred had recovered after many months, that fear of almost losing such a vital part of their family had rocked the entire Weasley family to its core.

“I get it, I do, but I worry about you. I just want you to know you’re not alone Y/N.”

I pulled the girl into another tight hug, “I know.”

Ginny pulled away first, clearing her throat, “Okay! Now that’s out of the way - it’s time to introduce the one and only Y/N L/N to the Weasley’s.”

I hummed, “Hmmm and which of us should be more scared?”

“Oh definitely the Weasleys.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Meeting the Weasley family had gone much better than expected.

Molly had opened her arms and home to me as if I was one of her own children. By the time the night was over she had me stuffed full of warm food and drink and donning my very own coveted Weasley sweater, the lavender initial in the middle marking it as my own. Arthur had been very interested in my muggle parents and upbringing, questioning me about the functions of a rubber duck. Bill and his wife Fleur were the most stunning couple I have ever seen, and not nearly as intimidating as people portrayed them. Fleur was pleased when she found out I spoke a bit of conversational French and promised to have me over to Shell Cottage (apparently they have an amazing collection of wind chimes that I am dying to see). Percy was a bit more refined. Completely polite and friendly but he seemed reserved. Ginny had explained in one of her letters how much guilt Percy carried after the Battle of Hogwarts over how he had behaved in the years leading up to that day.

The twins were much different than I remembered them being from the few times we were around each other in school. The physical differences were clear - George’s missing ear and Fred’s dragging limp were both signs of the prices they paid in the war. More than that however, they had matured greatly. They were still happy and made sure to pull at least two pranks over the night, poor Molly nearly lost her voice after they blew up the turkey. However, there was something in their eyes that had been dimmed. Especially in George.

His twin almost died that night, and it reflected in George’s eyes each time he looked at his older brother. It was clear that he was still afraid because whenever Fred left a room George followed, never letting his brother out of his sight, and if he happened to lose track of him a panic began to swirl in his brown orbs.

I was in the middle of watching as George yet again made his way to Fred’s side, clapping a large hand on his twins shoulder and throwing his head back in laughter.

“So which one are you staring at dragoste?”, Charlie whispered as he appeared out of nowhere.

I ignored the burning in my cheeks as I looked away from the scene in front of me.

“I am not staring at either of them tampit.”

“Mhmm, sure, absolutely, I believe you.”, after a quick pause he said, “It’s George isn’t it?”

I turned and scoffed at him, “No!… How did you know?”

Charlie let out a chuckle, “Because I know you my little dragon. I also know my brother, and just between us, he definitely likes you as well.”

At this I let out an incredulous laugh and glanced back to where George was now telling a story, his hands moving animatedly. There was no way that George Weasley had even a remote attraction to me. He was kind, strong, clever, and so bloody gorgeous it truly was a privilege to look at him. And I am…me. Nothing special. Just a girl who had more dragon friends than human ones and whose hands were covered in scars and callouses and whose socks never matched and had never even kissed a man before. So no, there was no way that George Weasley would ever like me.

“Hey. I know that look Y/N. Stop those thoughts right this bloody second.”

“Charles it really is annoying when you read me like that.”

Throwing his arm over my shoulder he began to lead me towards the twins, “Yes I know and I am sorry in advance but this needs to be done. Fred!”

Charlie’s voice had gone from a rushed whisper to a jovial shout when we reached George, Fred, and Ron by the fireplace. George’s smile as he turned to look at us sent a million butterflies off in my tummy.

“So Freddy, I was hoping you could help me out with a top secret project tomorrow for mum and maybe show me around the joke shop. I heard you added some new displays that I want to check out.”

“Sure Charlie”, Fred glanced at George as he spoke, “I’m sure we can make some time for our favorite brother.”

Ignoring Rons protest, Charlie gripped my shoulders and pushed me in front of him, “Actually George I was thinking you could stay here and show Y/N around the area. She mentioned wanting to talk a walk tomorrow and I would hate to disappoint her on her first Christmas out of the sanctuary.”

“Um-”

I interrupted the rejection coming from George, “No please, I would hate to be a bother and make you be stuck with me all day. I’m sure Ginny can take me.”

George smiled and shook his head, “No it’s completely fine Y/N. I would be happy to show you around.”

“Okay great! It’s settled then!”, Charlie looked rather too pleased with himself and obviously missed the look exchanged by his identical younger brothers.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning the Burrow was a flurry of movement as everyone began their day. Apparently Charlie and Fred weren’t the only ones on their way out. The others still had some last minute gift shopping to do and Ron was spending the day with Hermione’s muggle family. After breakfast, a quick wink from Charlie, and a slam of the front door - George and I were alone in the house.

The two of us stood facing one another in the living room for a few awkward moments before George spoke, “Well, um, did you want to head out as well?”

“Oh sure! Yes, let me just grab my boots really quickly.”

George led me out the door and onto the snow covered path towards the small, iced over river. Nothing was said for a while, the only sound was the crunch of snow under our boots and the occasional sniffle from one of our red noses. I was mentally imagining all the ways I was going to kick Charlie’s ass when he got back for suggesting a walk in the middle of winter when we came to the top of a hill and stopped.

Everything as far as the eye could see was blanketed in sheets of white. Stomping my boots down into the fresh snow, I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as the snow gave way underfoot. Feeling a pair of eyes on me I remembered that I wasn’t alone and turned to see George watching me with an unidentifiable look on his face.

“Sorry, sorry. That was - I don’t know why I did that. I liked the feeling of the crunch of the snow I guess. Sorry.”

George grinned, “You don’t have to apologize. It was cute.”

I could feel my face flush at his words. His smile grew even wider at the sight of my heated face. My gaze dropped from his pretty face down to my boots. I could feel the thick socks I had on beginning to grow cold and wet from how long we’d been outside. Looking back up I could see George’s deep eyes glaze over. Assuming it was because he had been apart from Fred so long I glanced out at the view one last time before turning back the way we came.

“We should probably get back. We’ve been gone a while and my toes are getting wet. I feel bad enough that Charlie forced you to do this anyways without you getting frostbite or something. I’ve had frostbite, it’s not fun. And now I’m rambling. I’m sorry. Sorry”

George was shaking his head at me and said, “You are so weird.”

Ouch. My chest tightened and the small smile I had been wearing dropped from my face. If I had been able to see past the tears forming in my eyes that were making my sight blurry, I would have seen George’s face do the same. Unfortunately, all I could focus on was that word. Weird. Strange. Abnormal. Freak.

Weird weird weird.

The walk back was silent. A thick tension surrounded you both as thick snow flurries began to swirl down in the midmorning air. Just as thick was the lump forming in my throat as I fought back tears. I know I shouldn’t let his words affect me. He’s just some guy. But deep down I also know that he’s not just some guy. This is George fricking Weasley. With his stupid perfect face and gorgeous eyes and his loyalty to his family. I couldn’t help but be enamored with him from the moment I walked in the Weasley’s front door. So it hurt to hear the man I liked call me that nasty word that has haunted me my entire life.

When we finally reached the Burrow, George tried to reach for my arm but I pulled away and ran into the house. I could hear that some of the others had returned and really wanted to avoid a confrontation. Once again, luck wasn’t on my side. Charlie came walking out of the kitchen and saw me in the entryway. His face immediately became concerned at the sight of me and he lowered the sandwich he had from his mouth.

“Draga?”, Charlie’s voice followed me as I finally reached the stairs and launched upstairs.

As I reached the first landing I heard him speak again, his voice rough and hard.

“What did you do?”

#george weasley #george weasley imagine #george weasley x reader #george weasley angst #george weasley fluff #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter writing #harry potter imagine #hp imagine #charlie weasley #charlie weasley x platonic!reader #charlie weasley imagine #hp #harry potter

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aro-comics · 3 years

Text

Fashion

Fashion, 1/1 - I’M NOT DRESSING UP FOR ANY MAN UNLESS THAT MAN IS A POTENTIAL EMPLOYER AT A NETWORKING EVENT 😤😤

Ok but in all seriousness, like I mentioned in the disclaimer, this post was originally meant to be a lighthearted joke about this idea all too many of us (especially people who were perceived as girls growing up) have been told time and time again – that you’ll grow up and “fall in loooooooove” and then suddenly you’ll be transformed into the heteronormative ideal of a woman who’s hyperfeminine 🙄 … Yeah, I can’t stand it either, it genuinely makes me cringe to even type this 😫

But as I kept working on this, I realized that … this whole situation goes deeper than just aromanticism and proving your parents/guardians wrong about how you would be when you grew up. This entire joke, and my experiences, are tied with so many other things. There are so many factors to consider, like sexism, classism, environmental impacts, ableism, racism (just to name a FEW). And as usual, if I let myself start rambling this description is going to be waaay too long, even by my standards.

So I’ll summarize my general thoughts in the comments, but if you’re interested in this subject I’ve actually written (… and don’t judge me, PLEASE 😳) a 12 page informal essay covering everything from social factors to my personal speculations on where Aro fashion might go, which you can find a link to on my carrd or on my Tumblr (which will also have some extra art, btw 👀)!

NOTE FROM ARTIST: Since this is the tumblr, I will be posting the essay in parts here shortly!! There have been a few logistics issues (since the essay is VERY long) but I promise I will try to get all the parts up and linked to each other shortly. Sorry for all the chaos ^^” If you’d like to see the whole thing all at once, though, you can always read it in the original google doc!

(And as one last note: due to some hand problems – though I’m getting better now thankfully – I’ll be responding either on my computer or with voice to speech! If my responses read differently that’s why 😅)

[Image Description:

Slide 1: “When I was a kid, I hated the idea of fashion, makeup, and dressing up.”

Young Celia grimaces “ewww no!” as she tries to push away a lilac coloured dress being offered to her by an adult off screen, who asks her “Can you try it on please?”

Slide 2: “And all the adults would tell me –”

Shot switches to Celia’s back as she looks at two women in her family. The younger/taller woman who holds the dress says, “oh you’ll dress up one day, when you fall in ~looooove~”. Celia is unimpressed, and annoyed, very firmly stating “Never!!”

Slide 3: A flash forward through Celia’s life growing up, where she does not care much about looks/fashion. The panel is split into 3.

The top third is labeled age 7. She’s running into the forest, saying “Eh, it’s appropriate –” wearing a plain orange t-shirt layered over a light grey long sleeved shirt. Her hair is wild and unkempt and a written note says “Running around like a little gremlin”.

The middle third is labeled age 11. Celia is shown hiding in the shadows in the corner of her school building on the playground. She says: “Well, it’s BETTER if I look plain. It’s easier to blend in!” A piece of context is given to the side: I was an avid manhunt player and my strategy was hiding until late in the game.

The bottom third is labeled age 15. She sits hunched over at a desk with short, messy hair and bags under her eyes. It’s late and she’s still working on some assignment.

“Dressing up? That’s … a luxury that nobody has time for,” she says. A note to the side says: Unhealthy work habits from school.

Slide 4: “And I hate to admit it but … they were right about wanting to dress up eventually” Celia ponders with a slight bit of embarrassment now, at her current age. Her outfit is an orange tank top paried with matching orange barrettes.

Slide 5: Note at top of slide: “At a special networking event”. Celia stands bewildered as she stares into the room of the networking event. A projector slide shows the event is called “Climate action lab”. In the distance, two well dressed young professionals talk.

Slide 6: Celia shown from the front now. She is wearing a very plain/somewhat weirdly cut long sleeved plain shirt with old black jeans (in essence. Not something you would wear to a business casual event). She looks a bit uncomfortable, and says “Oh shit, I really gotta up my fashion game …”

In the background two other people (who are also, appropriately dressed for the event) talk. The shorter man says “actually, I’m an environmental scientist to a tall girl who responds “that’s cool!”

Slide 7:

A montage. At the top left, Celia is shown immediately after the event on her phone, making a note to herself to research business wear when she gets home. Then, in the center right, she is seen typing furiously as she researches on pinterest with a notebook open to her side. At the bottom left, she has already gotten a haircut, has some new hair clips and her now ubiquitous turtleneck top with a green gemstone ring strung on a necklace (which is split in orange and white). She is holding up a spring green puff sleeved blouse with white collar/sleeve details.

The sentence “I WANT TO BE A PROFESSIONAL” is written between all of these scenes.

Slide 8: Celia drawn shrugging nonchalantly now. “It really would have been a lot easier if my parents just told me as a kid “it’ll help you get a job you like”]

#RegularComic #Fashion #FashionComic

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eloves-writes · 3 years

Text

a failed attempt to hate you

(tristan dugray)

a/n: i can only apologise if this writing is terrible, i wrote most of this in the middle of the night hopped up on medication for my disgusting cold. i hope it makes sense. anywho thanks for reading, enjoy, mwah <3

screw mr medina for making you help tristan study. you knew he knew from rory your inherent disdain for him, and it wasn’t your fault he was falling behind therefore not your responsibility to help him (as you had told mr medina last tuesday, with no effect). it was now sunday morning and you held little hope he would actually show up this time; he had somehow managed to cancel on your little study date 6 times already and it had only been 5 days since you were handed this apparently mammoth task. honestly, you didn’t expect him to show up at all, especially not anytime before noon- for which reasons you had made the decision put on your usual lazy sunday morning reading in bed get-up, which included (but was not limited to) an oversized rock concert shirt rory’s friend lane had given you in an attempt to clear her closet of non-christian attire, nothing but underwear underneath since you wouldn’t plan on leaving the comfort of your bedsheets for many hours, and a loose silk scrunchie you accidentally stole from rory keeping your hair out of your eyes.

your book of choice today was ‘harry potter and the goblet of fire’ , the most recently released chapter of the boy wizard’s adventures at hogwarts. the clock beside you read 9:15 as you comfied yourself for a morning of magic and adventure, which naturally was ended a mere 8 minutes later at 9:23 when the doorbell rang downstairs. you assumed your mother would answer it, but when it rang a second time you remembered your parents had both gone out to watch your sibling’s soccer match and you’d have to get it yourself.

it didn’t even cross your mind to put pants on, or that it may not be the postman at the door, until you opened it to see your very favourite chilton student whose eyes had hastily wandered to your bare legs. typical high school boy, you thought to yourself before your brain actually grasped the situation and kick started into action.

‘tristan. hi.’ you said with a slight shock in your voice.

‘erm, hi. i hope i’m not interrupting anything,’ he smirked, glancing down at your thighs again.

you rolled your eyes so aggressively you hoped mr medina could hear it from wherever he was spending his day, irritating boy-less and free to do whatever he wanted with his time.

‘you’re not,’ you quipped. ‘i just didn’t expect you to actually show up this time. and early may i add, i’m sure we said 11.’

‘we did, but i’ve got plans later so i thought i’d come by earlier and get this over with.’

‘how did you know i didn’t have plans? i might have been busy before 11.’

he pulled a face of amusement and you could swear you saw a hint of sarcasm shining through his eyes too. ‘right. are you done talking now or can i come in?’

‘you can come in, i guess,’ you sighed, closing the door behind him and showing him to the kitchen table. ‘wait here, i’ll go and get my books.’

‘grab some pants whilst you’re at it.’

‘stop talking,’ you called as you walked upstairs.

you came back downstairs a few minutes later fully-clothed and carrying your english notes to see that tristan had wandered from the chair you specifically remembered telling him to sit in, and was instead tracing a finger along the bookcase that stretched across the far wall of your living room. for a moment you just watched him nosey into your life; the framed certificates, the family photos, the 5 tapes of ‘beauty and the beast’ stacked atop of each other because it was your favourite film when you were 9 and practically every living relative had bought you a copy. beside those was a picture of you dressed as princess belle at disneyworld with chocolate ice cream smeared from cheek to cheek, a huge smile plastered between. tristan picked it up and turned to face you.

‘thoroughly adorable. seriously, you should go for this look more often.’

‘ha ha,’ you grimaced, snatching it off him and placing it back on the shelf. ‘are we studying or reminiscing on my past fashion choices?’

‘oo, someone’s in a good mood this morning huh,’ he teased. you pulled another face, once again silently cursing mr medina for completely ruining not just your day, but in fact your whole week. by god this boy got more irritating the more time you spent with him- it had only been 10 minutes, but it was 10 minutes longer than you ever previously had or ever wanted to.

‘can i get a drink before we start?’ he asked, redirecting the conversation and walking past you back into the kitchen. he began opening various cupboards, searching for a glass. ‘where’s the-’

‘why yes, tristan. you can have a drink,’ you snarked, opening the cupboard behind him with a dramatic flourish. he raised his eyebrows at you and reached forward to grab a glass, leaning over you as he did so. you caught a whiff of his cologne and almost forgot to dislike him for a moment.

‘there’s, um, soda in the ... fridge,’ you told him, voice unwillingly faltering as he looked down to meet your eyes. he had pretty eyes. pretty, blue, sparkling, stupid, annoying, asshole eyes.

you found the thick tension sickening. you refused to be another girl at school who simply swooned over him when he walked past your locker. you didn't like him. you were here to teach him english. because he was dumb. and actually, his eyes weren’t that nice.

he grabbed a soda out of the fridge and you both sat down at the table and began reading through your analysis of ‘to kill a mockingbird’, adamantly pretending not to see him staring at you the whole time.

why? he had had every popular and pretty girl in the whole of chilton, how was he ever so starved of female attention that he would look at you so admirably when you liked to make it clear you despised him? in fact, you enjoyed making a special effort to flip him off, or pull a face at him when he walked by, or kick his chair extra hard in spanish, or... oh shit. you had seen it from an outside point of view now, and it was glaringly obvious; maybe you did like him, just a little bit. shit. rory owed lorelai 10$ and a cheeseburger from luke’s, though you didn’t want to have to admit she was right when she’d said you were like a kindergarten boy pulling a girl’s ponytails because he thought she was pretty.

‘hey tristan,’ you started, breaking the comfortable silence between his questions and suddenly nervous to talk to him. stupid, it was still the exact same boy you’d been complaining about all week, nothing new.

he looked up from your notes. ‘what’s up princess?’

that was definitely new.

‘don’t call me princess’ -he smirked irritatingly- ‘do you need to stay much longer? i mean, is there anything else you want help with?’

‘trying to get rid of me?’

‘no! no. i just thought that you’d only stay and pretend to listen to me for like, half an hour then vanish. it’s 11:30 and you’ve been through my whole binder.’

‘it is? time flies.’

‘tristan.’

‘i do care about my grades, you know. and you’re a good teacher, i might have a chance at an A.’

‘why didn't you show up the last 6 times we planned then?’

he put down his pen- your pen, actually. it had pink sparkles on the lid. ‘got to keep up my street cred.’

‘ha ha. funny,’ you replied as blankly as possible, pulling back a smile you could feel in your stomach. you made eye contact again and, like every other time since you’d sat down and started studying, you held each other’s gaze for longer than necessary. funny how realising you like someone makes you suddenly act like it.

‘i should get going then right,’ he said, picking his jacket from the back of his chair.

you felt weird, almost as if you didn't want him to leave after praying earlier he wouldn't show up. alas, your parents would be home soon and you would be willing to bet money that tristan would have some interesting jokes about your being home alone that would not slide with your dad.

‘yeah. i hope you get that A,’ you said, accidentally smiling as you walked him to the door.

tristan turned to lean on the frame of the now-open door and put on a face of mock surprise. ‘my, my, y/n. was that a kind comment and a smile? you’re spoiling me.’

‘shut up, i hope you fail.’

he smiled back. ‘you really mean that?’

‘i guess not.’

there was yet another beat of heavy silence.

‘see you monday.’

you closed the front door as he walked down the drive, but noticed tristan’s car keys still sat on the kitchen table. a porsche, of course. you picked them up and reopened the door to his fist poised to knock. the two of you laughed awkwardly for a second.

‘i forgot my-’

‘you forgot your-’

another awkward laugh. jesus christ this was uncomfortable. you passed him the keys, and with absolutely no warning at all, your lips were suddenly met with his. they were soft and confident, and his free hand held your face as you tried to process the new situation. you quickly melted into the kiss, letting him take control until he pulled away and smiled that sparkly smile you didn't hate as much as you tried to.

‘didn't see that one coming,’ you said breathily, brushing some loose hairs off of your face.

‘i knew you didn’t hate me.’

‘ever the arrogant twat.’

‘hey, does this mean you’ll stop kicking my chair in spanish?’

‘absolutely not. in fact, i think i’ll kick it harder.’

‘as long as you let me do that again.’

tags: @leossmoonn for inspiring me to start writing again, @account123445 & @lmaoidekanymore6 for asking me to post tristan fics! (couldn’t figure out how to make the tags work but if you read this, you know ✨)

#tristan dugray #tristan gilmore girls #chad michael murray #gilmore girls #gilmore girls fic #gilmore girls fanfiction #can't think of anymore tags so i'll just hope this does ok on its own

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