#I’m so fucking alone

[hauntxd]

i want a distraction

[mother-harrington]

I really do wonder where I went wrong in life to not deserve even a single date or relationship

honestly, everyone else around me found someone and here I am, 30 years old and still haven’t been in love.

[glindyupland]

.

[in-kyblogs]

Doomed by the narrative - Doomed by her parents

[jenanigans1207]

“I don’t regret it, Dean.” Cas says quietly. “Telling you I love you was the best moment of my life.”

“Yeah? Well, it was the worst of mine!” Dean yells, throwing his arms out to the side. There’s a moment of stricken silence where Cas’s face falls and Dean realizes how his words came across. He rushes to elaborate. “Do you know how many years I wondered if angels could feel love? Romantic love? Do you know how long I hoped that they could— that you, specifically, could? And more than that, that you would feel it towards me? I wondered all the goddamn time, Cas. And then you— you finally—“ Dean swallows past a lump in his throat, letting his arms fall back to his sides. “You finally tell me not only that you can love, but you love me. Me. And in one second, ten years of my wildest dreams came true and then were ripped away.”

Dean looks down at his feet. Clenches his jaw against the feelings threatening to choke him. He tries to take a steadying breath in through his nose but it doesn’t help him feel any better.

“Dean—“

“I didn’t think I was ever gonna see you again.” Dean confesses to his boots. “I thought I’d have to live the rest of my miserable life knowing I could’ve had you and kicking myself for being such a dumb piece of shit.” He swallows again and looks up. “I thought you were going to spend eternity not knowing that I love you, too.”

“I didn’t mean— Dean, I didn’t—“ Cas shakes his head as words fail him.

“So yeah,” Dean shrugs a little helplessly, his voice still tight with emotion. “It was the worst moment of my life. Except for every moment that came after— because every single moment from your death until you came back was the worst moment of my life. Every moment without you is. And you coming back could’ve been the best moment of my life if you hadn’t been such an ass about everything.”

There was a time, once, in the distant past where Cas’s face never betrayed any emotion. Dean could’ve scrutinized every single molecule of his expression and he wouldn’t have been able to read a goddamn thing from it. That hasn’t been the case for a long time— Cas took to emotions and humanity better than Dean did, and it was the only thing Dean had ever known.

Now, Dean can read a multitude of emotions in Cas’s expression: disbelief in the slight part of his lips, hope in the blue of his eyes, shock in the rise of his eyebrows. He can practically read every thought going through Cas’s mind as he tries to process what’s happened.

And then, there it is: acceptance in the way the corner of Cas’s mouth ticks up.

“I had no idea.” Cas answers after a moment.

“‘Course you didn’t.” Dean replies, his own mouth mirroring the small smile. “You fucked off before I got a chance to say it back.”

“I just assumed—“

“You know what they say about assuming, Cas.”

“No, I don’t.” Cas is full on smiling now, warm and full of the love Dean had only ever seen hidden in shadows of his expressions. Now it’s practically splitting his face open, spilling out of Cas like he’s finally filled up with so much of it that it’s simply impossible to keep it all in. “And frankly, I don’t care. I only care about what you have to say.”

Dean huffs out a fond laugh as he shakes his head. “Finally gonna let me do the talking, huh?”

“I’m in the mood to do some listening,” Cas’s grin is dazzling and a little cheeky, Dean wants to memorize it immediately.

He takes a step closer to Cas. And then another. Cas simply watches him approach, making no attempt to back away. His personal space is inviting and Dean enjoys stepping directly into it with no hesitation.

“Well, I might be in the mood for something other than talking.” Dean whispers, less than a foot from Cas now.

“Oh?” Cas prompts, his hand reaching across the minuscule place between them to settle on Dean’s hip.

“Yeah,” Dean murmurs, leaning in. “But just to make sure you get it through your stubborn head: I love you, Cas. And I’ll fucking kill you if you ever do something like that again.”

Dean kisses him before Cas has a chance to reply.

[abowlofpetuniasandawhale]

Just got a new gym membership a few days ago (first time since covid started) and I’m not even someone with a lot of anxiety around working out/going to the gym but im sooooo overwhelmed by the nonstop texts and calls to “schedule your welcome workout” and “pick up your free t shirt” like holy fucking shit dude chill, i will be there after work if i feel like it. know your place, gym, bc it’s not in my damn dms

[constellations-and-energy]

like doesn’t it make you angry? doesn’t it make your blood boil? scroll - loud as fuck advertisement - slows your scrolling - scroll - post about a trans person about to lose their housing - advertisement promoting gambling - slows your scrolling - post begging you to reblog vetted Palestinian GoFundMe’s - advertisement about how the job market sucks so you should try This Job Search Website Instead - get frustrated - close app - open different app - first post is an advertisement promoting AI - close app - sit there silently for 5 minutes before you open the first app again - advertisement for the upcoming election - scro- ARE YOU NOT TIRED???? ARE YOU NOT EXHAUSTED??????? ISNT THERE MORE THAN THIS?????? ISNT THERE????????

[thevaudevillescene]

to go from “the people have always been behind me,” to “it’s been five years, i gave them every damn thing that i had, and they chose him,” to hearing people scream in horror when you take a step toward the ring because they think you’re going back to hurt your opponent even worse than you already have. to go from having the fans fully support you to having them fear you and look at you with disgust.

[navnae]

This is eating me up inside, I genuinely want to know why is Steve so okay with putting himself down and everyone just thinks it’s fine? Like no one questions why he thinks so lowly of himself even though he’s done a lot to prove that he’s more than what the show let on. I think it’s weird how in a conversation he’ll slip in comments about himself that are negative. I also think it’s so gross that he can’t have a moment of confusion without being disrespected and I know it’s supposed to be funny but at a certain point someone should really ask “is Steve okay?” I can bet money that the answer won’t be yes.

I also want to add how come Eddie (someone who doesn’t even know Steve from a can of paint other than school) find something nice to say about him and not put him down. This also adds to my list why I think steddie is real but that’s for another time

[pepperpixel]

SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,

BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,

IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!

FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!

[n1ghtwr1ter]

At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.

Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.

And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.

She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.

And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.

But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.

Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.

They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.

And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.

And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.

But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.

It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.

But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

[thebitchesterbrothers]

I thought a lot about Hob meeting Death for the first time and of course they’re hitting it off straight away … but what if instead of Dream it’s Hob who accompanies Death while she’s working? Just because he’s a curious brother-in-law and none of the Endless can say no to his pleading cow eyes.

He witnesses how calm and peaceful it can be to leave the living world behind with someone as gentle as Dreams sister to guide someone’s soul.

It scares Dream; what if Hob decides he wants to end his life after all?

But in reality it heals a part of Hob that he never was able to piece back together before.

Eleanor. Robyn. The baby that never got the chance to take its first breath. His memories are still painful, still make him tear up.

But seeing Death do her job makes him feel … grateful. Knowing that she was with them at the end of their days, smiling at them, taking their hands, holding them in her arms.

It also makes him appreciate life even more and he promises to enjoy every single day as much as humanly possible.

[daily-crowley]

Crowley Of The Day: gorgeous 😍

(I used up all my hashtags that I couldn’t do my usual GO tags that I always do lol I don’t care)

[buddiedaydreamer911]

bucks apartment smells like smoke.

buck is now alone in said apartment with christopher.

eddie is not there.

reasonably i know there is still an episode between now and Ashes Ashes/All Fall Down

but what the fuck

[donnieisaprettyboy]

“baby gays treat queerness like some kind of exclusive club they’re always arguing about slur discourse and they refuse to learn their own history-“ SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

YOU ARE LITERALLY SEEING A SELECT HANDFUL OF BAD OPINIONS IN THE BRAINROT TRENCHES OF TIKTOK AND ASSUMING AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF QUEER KIDS DESERVE HATE FOR IT

JUST BECAUSE YOU CRITICIZE A SPECIFIC “TYPE” OF GAY DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY LESS HOMOPHOBIC

LEAVE THEM ALONE

[the-one-with-spider-brainrot]

Cult of the lamb updated so yknow what that means? thats right more doodles of this fam and this fam alone yippee!!

I was not expecting the crown to jumpscare talk to me so now it gets a personality that’s fun