#I’m the sort of person who has breakfast now. Used to be I didn’t eat till 2pm

[bytebun]

one thing about gaining muscle is I’m hungry ALLLLL the time

[mel-1n-hell]

Safe Foods + Diet Foods Masterpost

(I live in the Midwest)

This is a list of a bunch of my personal favorite foods and ingredients to utilize when I’m heavily restricting. I usually love making the highest volume possible out of the lowest cals, but I also sometimes eat smaller amounts of higher calorie/denser foods if I’m, say, wearing something tight or whatever and don’t want to be water bloated. I believe in the importance of being at least mildly sated, and also in the importance of multivitamins+supplements! If you’re restricting, there is a 100% guarantee you are not getting enough vitamins to maintain external functions you really don’t want to start failing on you. I lost a lot of hair when I dropped a fuck ton of weight for the first time because I was 14 at my worst and didn’t understand anything/didn’t care at all about body chemistry, but after I was forced to recover, after my hair began growing back and thickening up, it became very important to me—as did many other aspects of my body that are influenced+enhanced by the ingestion of vitamin supplement (also hair oils like rosemary and castor and almond, leave-in conditioners, good conditioner in general // all of these things will support hair health and maintenance, specifically!) So take your vitamins! Especially capsules, because gummy vitamins are easier for your body to flush out. Plus, a lot of them are just placebos dyed a fun color and rolled in sugar. (The “Now” brand offers very high quality supplements and multivitamins in capsules/pill form)

Also, now that I’m an adult and can buy my own groceries, I have much more access to helpful tools that I wouldn’t have been able to access at 14 or wouldn’t have known enough about to even bother figuring out more. I’m much more educated now and feel almost as if restricting is too easy, too fun. Will it become a problem? Maybe. But until then, and as long as I know we’re all bent on our own destruction anyway, I’ll share what I know, because I wish I would have known about some of these things the first time I decided to dive headlong into the pits of despair (‘:

I can share my favorite combos/meals in another post if anyone would like to see it! First, though, a few general rules I follow, as a sort of context to the masterpost:

1. Caloric intake matters first and foremost. It’s just the simplest way for me to track what I’m eating. (Now don’t do this, but) You could be eating the shittiest, sugariest, most processed diet on the planet but if you’re in a caloric deficit, you’re still going to lose weight.

2. All vegetables are safe. A vegetable is not out here making anyone fat or unhealthy. Certain vegetables, like potatoes, are denser in calories, so it’s just a matter of learning how to use them, but if that scares or triggers you, stay away! For me, I always try to maintain that plants are nothing to be afraid of. I’m neurotic enough without being afraid of the food that literally comes from the earth.

3. All fruits are safe. Moderation is more important to keep in mind when it comes to fruits versus vegetables, because fruit contains more sugar, which means more calories overall. But fruits are my favorite additions to breakfasts, or as sides/snacks later on in the day. It’s a little extra something to crunch/chew on, and all fruit is just so yummy.

4. There’s nothing wrong with a chocolate fix!!! Dark chocolate (the higher the percentage, the better!) has numerous health benefits because it contains a plethora of antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals. It can be high calorie, so enjoy it in moderation, but there is absolutely nothing I love more than taking my time on a lux little square of dark chocolate while I’m reading a book.

5. No eating after 10pm. (I know most people choose an earlier time, but I’m a college student in a stem field who walks from her apartment to campus, so I get home later than traditional dinner time most nights.)

6. No eating before 7am. (8am is preferable.)

7. Eliminate as many sugary, processed carbs as possible. They aren’t really satisfying your body, and consuming these kinds of foods while restricting often leads to uncontrollable bingeing.

8. Eliminate fried foods (unless you figure out an air frier for a cheat night or something).

9. If you’re going to focus on any macros/micros, focus on protein and fiber! Protein is greater sustenance; fiber makes you shit.

10. If you binge, you binge. It happens. It comes with the territory of ED’s. Your body is literally pre-programmed to react this way to starvation because it’s a self-defense mechanism, and for many people, it’s an emotional defense mechanism. Just make your best mental and physical effort to minimize damage. Screwing yourself into the ceiling and just eating more will make you feel cosmically worse. Try to catch yourself before saying “fuck it” and continuing to binge harder, because even you know you don’t really mean that, and you know you’ll hate yourself to the moon for it later. Take a deep breath, name a few of the five senses to ground yourself or whatever, and then walk away. Listen to some music. Chew some gum or start sipping on lemon water. And remember: one pound is 3,500 calories. You would have had to eat that much on top of your basal metabolic rate (how many calories your body burns just existing) to gain just one pound. Water retention can be flushed. Fat cannot be.

11. Drink at least two quarts of water a day.

12. Take your fucking vitamins. xoxo

Okay! Now that I’ve rambled enough, here’s the masterpost (:

🥗 vegetables 🥗

1 cup broccoli, chopped (31 cals)

9-10 baby carrots (30 cals)

2 stalks celery (15 cals)

5 garlic cloves (20 cals) / (great roasted in the oven or as a flavor edition! stuff also makes you shit like crazy depending on how much you eat)

1 cup kale (16 cals)

1 cup spinach (7 cals)

1 cup baby spring mix (7 cals)

1 cup cauliflower, chopped (27 cals)

1 medium/small white or red onion (41 cals)

5 mini yellow/Dino egg potatoes (110 cals)

1 medium/small sweet potato (110 cals)

5 asparagus spears (15 cals)

5 medium white or baby bella mushrooms (20 cals)

1/2 cup sliced water chestnuts (45 cals)

🍑 fruits 🍑

6 mini sweet peppers (60 cals)

1 medium green bell pepper (24 cals)

1 medium red/orange/yellow bell pepper (37 cals)

1/4 avocado (75 cals)

1 medium tomato (22 cals)

1 medium banana (100 cals)

1 medium apple (100 cals)

1 medium grapefruit (104 cals)

1 large orange (87 cals)

1 clementine orange (35 cals)

5 medium strawberries (25 cals)

1 cup blueberries, frozen or fresh (80 cals)

10 raspberries (10 cals)

10 grapes (20-30 cals, depending on size + size variation; one small/medium grape is usually around 2 calories)

1 kiwi (40 cals)

1 cup red cherries, frozen or fresh (80 cals)

1 small champagne mango (80 cals)

1 cup honeydew melon, diced (61 cals)

1 cup watermelon, diced (46 cals)

1 cup pineapple, diced (82 cals)

1 medium cantaloupe (186 cals)

2 medium medjool dates, pitted (110 cals)

🍞 grains 🍞

1/3 cup flour, wheat or white (152 cals // for use in mug cakes, personal pancakes, personal cookies, etc.)

2 slices Healthy Life wheat, honey wheat, or white bread (70 cals)

1 Country Hearth light bun (80 cals)

1 mini bagel (100-125 cals, depending on flavor+brand)

1 bagel thin (110 cals)

1/3 cup rolled or quick oats, dry (100 cals)

1 cup plain Cheerios (100 cals // 140 cals for honey nut)

1/2 cup rice, brown or white (108 cals, brown; 102 cals, white)

1 “Ole” X-Treme Wellness wrap, tomato basil, spinach, or traditional (50 cals)

🍗 meats 🍗

3 oz (about the size of your palm) boneless, skinless chicken breast, cooked (120 cals)

5 medium chicken fajita strips, frozen (110 cals)

2.5 Simple Truth Organic homestyle chicken tenders (170 cals)

1/2 can Good & Gather chunk chicken, canned in water (50 cals)

1 can Chunk Lite Tuna (90 cals)

11 medium Member’s Mark cooked shrimp (60 cals)

1 tilapia fillet (112 cals)

4-6 pieces thin-sliced deli ham or roast beef (60-70 cals, depending on brand)

4-6 pieces thin-sliced deli chicken or turkey (50-60 cals, depending on brand)

🧀 dairy / imitation dairy and animal products 🧀

1 medium egg (66 cals // 78 cals for large)

1 tbsp I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, light buttery spread (35 cals)

1 tbsp Blue Bonnet, light buttery spread (40 cals)

1 tbsp Blue Bonnet, buttery stick (60 cals)

1 slice Kroger fat-free American cheese slices (30 cals)

1 stick Sargento Light mozzarella string cheese (45 cals)

1/4 cup shredded fat-free mozzarella cheese (45 cals)

1 slice Sargento Ultra Thin cheese, Swiss, provolone, pepper-Jack, sharp cheddar, or Colby-Jack (40-45 cals)

1 cup unsweetened almond milk, vanilla or original (30 cals)

1 cup Silk unsweetened cashew milk, vanilla or original (25 cals)

1 cup Silk unsweetened coconut milk (40 cals)

1 cup Almond Breeze unsweetened chocolate almond milk (40 cals)

2 tbsp sugar-free International Delight or Kroger coffee creamer (30-40 cals, depending on flavor and flavor’s brand)

1 Kroger Carbmaster Yogurt, any flavor (60-80 cals, depending)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Mint Cookies n’ Cream (180 cals)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Cookie Dough or Mocha Coldbrew Coffee (185 cals)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Chocolate Peanut Butter or Mini Donut (190 cals)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Caramel Maple Bourbon Pecan Pie (205 cals)

additional: any protein ice cream brand is a great dessert choice and so unironically delicious! I just listed Target’s because it’s cheapest, cost-wise, but Halo Top, Frozen Farmer, Enlightened, etc. -- they all market low calorie ice creams for anywhere between 270-470 cals per pint, depending on which flavor and brand.

🍚💰 god-send diet foods 💰🍚

1 bag shirataki noodles (20 cals)

1 cup shirataki konjac rice (30 cals)

1 pint Frozen Farmer sorbet, peach, strawberry, honeydew, watermelon, or mango (70 cals)

1 pint Frozen Farmer sorbet, strawberry lemonade (80 cals)

1 pint Frozen Farmer sorbet, raspberry (90 cals)

Walden Farms syrups, chocolate, caramel, pancake, maple walnut, strawberry, blueberry, etc . (0 cals)

Walden Farms dressings and sauces, Ranch, Buffalo Ranch, Caesar, Thousand Island, Chipotle Ranch, Bacon Ranch, Creamy Bacon, Italian, French, Honey Dijon, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Spicy Buffalo Vinaigrette, Super Fruits Balsamic Vinaigrette, Raspberry Vinaigrette, etc. etc. etc. (0 cals; there are literally endless flavors and all of them are zero calories. No joke. Look it up, order some on Amazon, Kroger and Walmart carry the most popular flavors)

Walden Farms coffee creamers, vanilla, mocha, peppermint, caramel, hazelnut, etc. etc. (0 cals; these might need to be ordered on their website or on Amazon)

Diet Soda, any flavor or brand (0 cals, obv)

2 tbsp Great Value peanut butter powder (50 cals // PB Fit = 60 cals per 2 tbsp)

Stevia or erythritol sweeteners (0 cals)

PICKLES!!!!!!!! (0 cals)

🥨 munchies 🥨

1 cup SmartFood white cheddar popcorn (70 cals // moderation)

1 cup Skinny Pop popcorn (39 cals // moderation)

18 mini twists, Rold Gold fat-free pretzels (110 cals // moderation)

23 twists, Clancy’s Everything-Pretzel Slims (110 cals // moderation)

3 Twizzlers (100 cals // moderation)

2 Zachary’s Thin Mints, mini dark chocolate peppermint patties (65 cals // moderation)

1 Brach’s Candy Cane (50 cals)

2 Hot Cocoa Kisses (36 cals)

2 Cherry Cordial Kisses (40 cals)

1 square 85% Lindt dark chocolate (58 cals // moderation)

1 X-Treme Wellness wrap, cut into 8 slices and salted+baked into tortilla chips, with 1/4 cup salsa (75 cals) or 2 tbsp Good & Gather queso blanco dip / Tostitos salsa con queso dip (90 cals // moderation)

1 slice Healthy Life bread, toasted and with 2 tsp I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! buttery spread, garlic+onion powder, and some salt (60 cals) OR toasted and with 1 slice Kroger fat-free American cheese, melted (65 cals)

1/2 medium banana or apple with 1 tbsp PB Fit powder + 2 tbsp Walden Farm’s pancake syrup for PB drizzle (80 cals // other sugar-free syrups add 5-15 cals, ex. Maple Grove [5], Log Cabin [10], Kroger brand [15], etc.)

2 slices deli rotisserie chicken / turkey, thin-sliced, spread w 1 tbsp Kroger fat-free cream cheese, rolled around 1 baby dill pickle (40 cals // without cream cheese, 25 cals // don’t knock it till u try it😒😒unless u just don’t like pickles lol)

10 strawberries and Walden Farm’s chocolate syrup (50 cals)

1 sugar-free Jell-O cup (10 cals)

1 sugar-free pudding cup (60 cals)

🧂🥫 other sauces / dips / condiments / ingredients 🥫🧂

Mustard, yellow, Dijon, or spicy brown (5-10 cals per tsp, depending on brand)

Miracle Whip Lite (20 cals per tbsp)

Stubb’s Sugar-Free Smokehouse BBQ sauce (10 cals per 2 tbsp)

Prego Marinara No Sugar Added (60 cals per 1/2 cup)

Chi-Chi’s Salsa (40 cals per 1/2 cup)

Tostitos Salsa Con Queso dip (40 cals per 2 tbsp)

Good & Gather Queso Blanco dip (40 cals per 2 tbsp)

Any sugar-free or fat-free dressing!! Just check labels.

Maple Grove sugar-free maple syrup (5 cals per 2 tbsp)

Cocoa powder (10-20 cals per tbsp, depending on brand and purity of cocoa)

Dark spices are said to speed up the metabolism, and they also allow your brain and stomach to feel more sated after eating, so use lots of seasonings! Plus, flavor :P (chili powder, paprika, cayenne, red pepper flakes, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, etc.)

I hope you all found this post to be useful in some way, or maybe inspiring or motivating! If anyone has anything they’d like to add, don’t hesitate to reblog with your own list of favs. I plan on adding to this if I find anything new or remember something I might’ve glossed over when writing it.

That’s all for now. Stay hydrated and take your vitamins angels❣️

[cyberphuck]

ASSASSIN’S APPRENTICE ABRIDGED: PART FOUR

My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about the Farseer Trilogy, but doesn’t want to have to read the books, so I’m summarizing it for them!

 EDIT: Halfway through Jhaampe I start calling “The Big Turnip” the “Big Onion” instead and I can’t be arsed to fix it.

Read Previous Entries!

 Alright Bastards and Old Bloods, this is it: the final entry and JUMBO-LENGTH conclusion to Assassin’s Apprentice Abridged!

 - Excerpt from Chade Fallstar's private writings, Grune 28th, 1497:

Dear Diary, the other day we caught a little zombie-Forged girl and I've been keeping her in a jar with a stick and a leaf. If I shake the jar, she talks. She knows who she is and who her family is, and she also knows a lot of swear words. I gave her some bread when she wasn't hungry and she said "shove it up your ugly ass." I tried to teach her a trick and she bit me. I decided to send her to live on a farm upstate along with Chivalry and Prince Regal's mom.

 Love, Chadey.

 While Chade has been playing Jane Goodall with Forged people, Fitz has been very busy being an alcoholic. One evening, Chade calls Fitz up into his wall-hole and says "It's time for you to stop being a drunk and for the readers to remember who Prince Verity is."

 "Why is there a hay bale in the corner of your--"

 "Prince Verity is Chivalry's younger brother and currently King-in-Waiting for the throne," the Fool says, lounging underneath the hay bale. "That makes Prince Regal next in line after Verity. Just so you know."

 "Right," Chade nods. "Fitz, your job from now on is to hang out with Verity in his Fortress of Solitude and do whatever he wants you to do."

 "I'm fourteen," Fitz says.

 "Don't argue with me, boy, I've got a wedding to plan. By the way, did you ever figure out who tried to kill Burrich?"

 Fitz shrugs. "I figured somebody tried to kill him because he's Burrich."

 "Ah yes, the age-old solution of 'things just happen, what the hell," Chade rolls his eyes. "Well, go on, shoo. Go bother Verity."

 Sighing, Fitz climbs thirty-nine flights of stairs to where Verity is sitting in his empty tower room and staring out the window. "Breakfast, your highness," Fitz announces.

 "Ew," Verity moans.

 "There's also a cup of tea with enough caffeine in it to kill some sort of very big gray trumpet animal," Fitz offers.

 "Yeah, okay, I'll take that."

 "So, uh," Fitz says, standing there awkwardly as Verity drinks an amount of stimulant that should make his heart explode, "watcha doin up here?"

 "Defending the kingdom."

 Fitz looks out the window at the ocean. He looks back at Verity. "Like... with a gun?"

 Verity smiles softly. "Oh, you're stupid. I like that in a person I'm going to use as a tool for the rest of my life."

 "I like you, too," Fitz says, tail wagging.

 "I'm using the Skill to confuse the Vikings so they won't raid our shit and turn our people into zombies," Verity explains. "I'd ask Galen's Skill students to help but they're pretty useless. Hey, didn't Galen teach YOU how to Skill?"

 "Oh, he tried but I'm bad at it, it's because I'm a basta-- HHHHGGGHHGHGHHGHHHHHH KEPPET.EXE HAS ENCOUNTERED A PROBLEM AND NEEDS TO GHHHGH TROJAN DETECTED TAKE ACTION TO PREVENT GHHGGHHHH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CLICK HERE TO CHAT GHHGHGGGHHHHHH"

 "Huh," Verity says after thoroughly mentally assaulting Fitz without warning or permission. "Looks like someone used the Skill to convince you you were bad at Skilling. That’s just one of the many things the Skill can do that I will reveal to you whenever I feel like it, which will usually be AFTER you need to know.”

 "I think I need an adult," Fitz whimpers from the floor.

 Verity chuckles fondly. "I am an adult. Too bad I don't really have time to teach you to Skill properly. That probably won't come back to bite us. Run along now, stop crying. Oh, and see if Chade can get you to murder that gross noble two counties over."

 A few weeks later, at breakfast, Fitz tries to eat Coco Puffs as quietly as possible while Verity and Shrewd argue.

 "I don't WANT to get married," Verity says for the eighteenth time. "I've gotta keep sitting in the Martyr Tower and keeping Vikings from attacking us!"

 "Well guess what, bucko, I'm your father AND your king and if I say you're getting married then you fucking are!" Shrewd rage-butters a scone. "And I swear to Eda if you pull a Malicious Compliance like your older brother and marry the absolute worst candidate for queen you can find then I'll look the other way when YOU'RE assassinated too!"

 Fitz slowly reaches for the cereal box, eyes wide.

 "It'll be good for morale, Verity," Shrewd goes on. "Everybody'll be like, 'oh, if the Prince is getting married and pumping babies into some foreign woman then being murdered by Vikings really isn't that bad!'"

 "And who did Regal choose for me to be married to?" Verity asks.

 Shrewd looks at the smudged writing on his hand. "The Kraken," he announces.

 "You mean Kettricken?" Verity says. "The mountain princess? I'm like twice her age. And I don't have time to go to the mountains to grab her, Vikings will totally Vike you all while I'm gone!"

 "Well SOMEBODY'S gotta go up there and grab her," Shrewd insists.

 "Figure it out," Verity snaps as he storms out of the room. "And by the way, Fitz has been sitting there eating six bowls of sugar cereal because he has no adult supervision!"

 He slams the door.

 "Hi Grandpa Shrewd," Fitz says into the silence.

 "Hello, Lil Accident. Just so you know, Kettricken is only second in line to the mountain throne. First is her brother Rurisk, who took an arrow to the chest a couple years back and now is about to die from Being Poisoned to Get Him Out of the Way."

 "Yes Grandpa Shrewd.”

 Chade Spidermans down from the ceiling. "You're sending him and not me? Why?"

 "Plot reasons," Shrewd says, taking the cereal box away from Fitz.

 "Oh boy," Fitz says, jumping up. "I'm gonna go tell my friend the Fool!"

 The Fool's not in his room, but a bunch of other cool stuff is: every Lego set from 1973 onward, a bunch of those neon-colored ponchos from the 90's, Sudoku puzzles completed in ballpoint pen, and A BABY????

 Oh wait, that's a doll. Looks like a baby though. Weird.

 Next Fitz goes to visit Patience. Patience is sifting through an old jewelry box; she sits Fitz down so she can hold different things up to him and see how they look.

 "Hmm. No, too subtle... this one's too gaudy. Ah, yes, this one." Patience pulls out a black collar with the word DADDY on it in gold letters. "Yes, this is perfect. Put it on, Fitz."

 It's eventually decided that since Verity can't go to the mountains, Regal is going to be a stand-in at the wedding and then they'll have another wedding later when the Kraken comes down to Buckkeep. Fitz is loading up the horse-van for the journey when the Fool cartwheels up to him.

 "I have something for you," the Fool jingles.

 "I didn't go in your room and touch your doll or accidentally drop your seven thousand five hundred and forty one piece Millenium Falcon Lego set," Fitz blurts.

 "Take this Pepto Bismol," the Fool says, "and don't eat anything weird in the mountains."

 "Don't worry about me, Fool," Fitz laughs. "I'm sure nothing bad'll happen."

 Fitz goes on a road trip. August, Fitz's cousin and current member of the Skill Gang, is going with them to help Verity Skill-connect to the wedding when it's time. Hands the stableboy is also there, which is nice, because they're taking the I-5 to Jhaampe, the mountain capital, and there's not a lot to look at on the way. They travel through a lot of places that Fitz is just going to have to travel through again in two books while being chased by Regal, so all he really notices is that there's a shitton of grass, a bigass lake, and only one set of hot girls who want to give him and hands their first sexual experience (the girls' mom shows up and hits them with a sandal until they go home).

 The wedding party climbs into the foothills of the mountain kingdom, and there waiting for them are... the Vikings?

 Okay, so the group of seafaring raiders that I've been referring to as "The Vikings" are culturally sort of more like Mongol raiders. It's not really a one-to-one comparison but the important point here is that the mountain people are what we in the real world would typically imagine Vikings to be, except that here in the Six Duchies the Vikings are the Vikings and the mountain people only LOOK like Vikings, Fitz is Simba, Regal is Scar and I think the Fool is Horatio.

 Are we clear? Alright moving on.

 Fitz and co. are greeted by a welcoming party of mountain people, who are tall and pale and blond. They're super friendly and cheerful, singing the Songs of Their People and totally confusing Hands, who doesn't speak Mountain. Fitz doesn't speak Mountain either, probably. Maybe.

 They arrive in Jhaampe, where the buildings look like if you cut off the tops of the towers in Red Square or planted a bunch of turnips upside down. A second welcoming party pops up, and when August and his cronies complain that their feet are tired and they don't feel like walking anymore, the mountain peeps carry them into the city on planks. Fitz is extremely embarrassed by this and is trying not to cringe all the way down into his tights.

 To seem less like a lazy dick who makes strangers carry him places for no reason, Fitz strikes up a conversation with one of the old ladies carrying his plank. Her name is Jonqui and she knows a lot about the city, and slows the plank down so she can point out interesting landmarks and gardens.

 "Pull-Out Fail speaks good Mountain," she remarks, grinning. "Maybe he learned as a tadpole?"

 "I'm just super good with languages I probably grew up speaking," Fitz shrugs.

 They arrive at the biggest turnip, which serves as Jhaampe's royal palace. Jonqui escorts Fitz inside and he finds that it's not really a palace, it's more like a tent made out of a tree, with a lot of open space in the middle, and there's not a whole lot of private spaces that he might use to murder their prince.

 Whatever, he'll figure it out.

 "Come, Pull-Out Fail," Jonqui says, herding Fitz to a center stage. "We will watch our Shift Manager present his Shift Manager to be your Shift Manager."

 "Shift Manager?"

 "Yes, that is what we call our royalty. When someone comes to demand to speak to the person in charge, the Shift Manager is the one we have chosen to throw under the bus," Jonqui explains. "It is a very important duty."

 Besides King Eyod, who is an old person, there are two random mountain folk in white dresses. Fitz eyeballs them and wonders where the rest of the royal family is. "The girl one," Jonqui says, elbowing Fitz, "she is my niece."

 "Neat," Fitz yawns, still looking around for someone wearing a crown. "That other guy looks like He-Man."

 "Yes, he is my nephew."

 Gifts are exchanged.

 "This isn't going to be like that one scene in Midsommar, is it?" Fitz asks warily. "You're not going to like, set these people on fire?"

 "This," King Eyod announces, taking He-Man by the shoulder, "is my son, Shift Manager Rurisk, first in line to the throne of the mountain kingdom. And here is Shift Manager Kettricken, who shall marry the Shift Manager of the Six Duchies and become their General Manager, She Who Sets the Schedule."

 There is general oohing and ahhing and applause. Fitz realizes he's been chatting boredly with the King's sister this entire time. Why hadn't Regal sent any kind of message to the wedding party ahead of time to warn them that the mountain people liked to play Undercover Boss? No, Regal had just texted to remind them to bring his Gucci underwear, the dick.

 Jonqui drags Fitz over to meet Kettricken and Rurisk. "Kids, this is Pull-Out Fail Farseer," she says. "Now you go run along and play, and be back when the streetlights come on."

 "Yes, in our language we call him 'The Bastard' because he sucks," August chimes in helpfully. Rurisk glares at him.

 "Pull-Out Fail," Rurisk says. "I knew your father. And I spoke with him, on the day that he'd learned that he'd knocked up one of our people. He was a good man."

 "This joke is getting kind of old," Fitz says. "Listen, my name is Fitzchivalry--"

 "Oh, Fitzchivalry Farseer?" Kettricken brightens. "You poison people, right? Regal told me all about you and how you run around with Lady Thyme murdering people in the Six Duchies. It's so good to finally meet you!"

 "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Fitz replies articulately.

 "Come on," Kettricken says excitedly, "let's go to the herb garden. I heard you like herbs."

 On the way out to the herb garden, Fitz forgets that Kettricken knows he's an assassin and notices she has boobs, because he's fourteen. Together they get enthused about plants and shit, and they take a stroll around the herbs.

 "Taste this one, it's really weird," Kettricken says. "... What's that thudding noise? With a jingle? It sounds like someone's court jester is banging their head against a wall."

 "I hear that a lot," Fitz shrugs. "I usually just ignore it. You said to eat this plant I've never heard of? Mm, spicy!"

 "So," Kettricken asks as she stops a speeding train with one muscular arm, "what's my future husband like? Shift Manager Regal told me that he's really old and nasty and that he just sits in a recliner watching Fox News all day."

 "He's thirty two," Fitz tells her, mentally adding a dick to the big ol' bag that he wishes Regal would eat. "Verity is super nice, and funny, and he has fun hobbies and he likes animals. He's really handsome, too, he has gorgeous black hair and shining eyes and big broad shoulders and a really nice ass--"

 "So Shift Manager Regal lied to me." Kettricken frowns, biting her lip. "Does he lie about a lot of things?"

 "They hang people in my country for having an opinion on that," Fitz says.

 "Regal was six Jagerbombs deep one night and told me all about how you loved sneaking around and killing people," Kettricken confesses. "He said that if you showed up with the wedding party, it meant that you were here to poison my brother to get him out of the way and make me the heir to the mountains."

 "What haha that's weird what a weird thing to say haha," Fitz stammers, foaming at the mouth.

 Rurisk and Jonqui come running down the path to fetch Kettricken, telling her that there's a thing at the thing she has to do, remember that thing? And Fitz smiles and waves bye to them and then walks happily back to his room in the tree-palace and starts frantically digging through his stuff for the Pepto Bismol the Fool gave him.

 Rurisk bursts into the room at five the next morning, waving a bottle of Mountain Bismol. "Pull-Out Fail, are you still alive?!"

 "I wish I wasn't," Fitz moans, face pressed against the rug. "Get away from me with that."

 "He's not dead, no thanks to you," Rurisk says, glaring at Kettricken as she peeks into the doorway wearing footie pajamas. "Go get us some breakfast, and don't fucking poison it!"

 Fitz tries to stand up and faceplants on the bed. "Stop making the floor move."

 "Someone told Kettricken you were here to kill me," Rurisk explains. "I told her not to worry about it, but she thought it'd be a good idea to trick you into eating what we call Fentanyl Flowers and then not tell me about it until fifteen minutes ago."

 Kettricken comes back into the room with donuts and coffee. Rurisk breaks a donut into three pieces, giving each of them a piece. "And if this is poisoned, you've killed us all," he warns.

 "Oh my god, that was one time," Kettricken whines.

 "Listen, Pull-Out Fail," Rurisk says earnestly. "My little dinky mountain kingdom needs the space for farmland down on your big prairies. We need cool stuff from the town that the Liveship Traders books take place in. We need a beach for our college students to go to on Spring Break. So I'm willing to give you ethically sourced furs, good lumber for warships, and my hot little sister as trade."

 Fitz pauses with a donut halfway to his mouth. "What do you mean, 'ethically sourced furs'?"

 "We shave bears. It's not important right now. What is important is that you don't have to kill me to get me out of the way, because I'm on YOUR side. Do you get me?"

 "I get you," Fitz nods.

 "Good. Now I'm going the fuck back to bed. Kettricken, don't poison anybody on the way back to your room."

 "If you don't stop I'm gonna tell DAD--"

 Fitz lays back on the bed. He closes his eyes and wonders if communism should be a thing. Then he thinks, no, having a monarchy is definitely a good idea. What could go wrong with having a ruling class of divine-right royalty who are constantly murdering each other for the throne? And surely there's no drawback to having a Prince that's an evil little shit who commits crimes against humanity with no fear of punishment or reprisal.

 Yeah. Kings are the best.

 The next day Rurisk invites Fitz out to the dog kennels. Fitz loves dogs! Then they turn a corner to find a very old hound dog whose jowls, ears, belly and tail are all dragging on the ground as he waddles up to them, and the music swells as Fitz cries "Nosy!!" and kneels down to hug him.

 "That's my loyal old hound dog," Rurisk says. "Burrich the stablemaster sent him to me in a little basket with a bow on it years ago."

 "I had a socially unnacceptable soul-bond with this dog," Fitz explains.

 "Gross," Rurisk smiles. "Anyway, I gotta go do Prince stuff. Smell you later."

 Fitz immediately goes to find Burrich, who is in the Big Turnip presenting a horse to Kettricken as a wedding present. Cob--

 Wait, there's a note here. It says, "Cob is the stable boy that Fitz and Nosy met when they first came to Buckkeep." There's a piece of straw taped to it.

 Cob is there too, and he makes sure to give Fitz the middle finger as he approaches.

 "Burrich, I need to talk to you," Fitz says. "I just found out you didn't kill Nosy when I was little."

 Burrich stops what he's doing and turns slowly to stare at him. "I'm sorry, you thought I killed a puppy? Jesus, no wonder you were so twitchy as a kid."

 "But you didn't kill a puppy," Fitz says. "And we can still be friends."

 "You thought I was a monster who would [BUILD A ROCKET SHIP SO THAT AN ANIMAL COULD RETURN TO ITS HOME PLANET] if I'd found out you'd bonded with it, but you turned around and bonded with another fucking puppy," Burrich growls. "Which I told you is nasty, so no, we can't be friends."

 Fitz drags himself sadly back to the Big Turnip.

 That night, Fitz is getting ready for bed when Regal's servant turns up at his door. "Hey fuckwad, Prince Regal wants to talk to you," he says, and drags Fitz by the wrist up to Regal's royal Regal room.

 Regal is chilling in his chambers doing epic bong rips out of the skull of a dead orphan, like not a dirty street urchin, but specifically an adorable little ragamuffin with soot on their little tophat that flew off comically when Regal took them out from five hundred yards away with a sniper rifle. "What's up, DICKchivalry," he sneers, then high-fives one of his minions.

 "Hi," Fitz says, forcing a smile.

 "Have you gotten around to murdering Prince Rurisk yet?" Regal coughs.

 "Uh."

 "Uh," Regal says mockingly. "God, you're stupid. Isn't he stupid, minion who has no business hearing any of this?"

 "Absolutely idiotic, my Prince."

 "Prince Rurisk said he's on our side," Fitz says, "and that he wants us to have the lumber we need and his sister and everything. I figured maybe it'd be better to like, not kill him."

 "Alright, since you're too dumb to plan an assassination, I'll figure it out for you," Regal says as his minion loads another bowl. "I want him graveyard dead before the wedding so he doesn't stand next to me and make me look short. Now fuck off."

 Fitz fucks off with many a backward glance, wondering what the fuck he's supposed to do now. There's no signal in the mountains so he can't send a message to Chade or King Shrewd to tell him that Rurisk is cool actually, and even though Regal sucks, like, REALLY sucks, he IS a Prince and Fitz is a tool of the Crown so he does technically have to follow orders.

 What the fuck is Regal's problem? Fitz thinks while brushing his teeth the next morning. Why did he tell Kettricken that I'm an assassin? Why does he want Rurisk dead so bad when Ru-Dawg is on our side? Gosh, I wish I could talk to Chade or Verity or Grandpa Shrewd or literally anyone, but they're so far away, and--

 Oh right, the Skill.

 "AUGUST," Fitz pants, sneakers squeaking as he skids to a halt in front of his cousin. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Look: do you see this silver pin, with the ruby in it? King Shrewd gave this to me when I was nine and sitting under a table eating leftover pies. The Fool and Regal were there too, and there were some puppies, and King Shrewd knelt down and gave me the pin and told me that if I ever needed to talk to him, I could just show this pin at his door and he'd let me talk to him, no matter what, and there's something really important going on so I need you to send a Skill message to him right now."

 August looks at him for a minute. "No," he says finally, and turns to leave.

 Fitz grabs his sleeve. "August you HAVE to let me talk to Shrewd, there are LIVES at stake!"

 "Okay fine, jeez," August says, shaking him off. "I'll get Shrewd on the line."

 "Great! Great. Okay. Tell him, uh." Fitz takes a deep breath. "Tell him Prince Rurisk is doing great and I don't think we should kill hi-- uhhhhhhhhh, I mean GIVE him the PRESENT that we were going to POISON him with."

 "You're such a fucking spaz," August mutters, closing his eyes to make a Skill Call. Then he shrugs. "It went straight to voicemail."

 "Redial," Fitz says desperately.

 "No, I've got important cousin shit to do, including telling Regal that you just tried to get me to dial long distance to talk to the King." August walks across the palace to talk to Regal, but the Prince is high as fuck and doesn't care.

 Fitz leans against the wall and makes a thinky face. "Maybe I could kill Regal," he says for what will be the first of several hundred times. "Eh, probably not worth it."

 That night, Regal's minion gives Fitz a little secret packet of horrible deadly poison. "Regal gave me this to give to you to give to Prince Rurisk," he says. "Put it in his drink and make it look like an accident."

 "Did King Shrewd send me here as some kind of complicated political maneuver where I would kill Rurisk and then be publicly hanged for murder so no one would find out that we killed Rurisk for political gain?" Fitz asks.

 "Take the fucking accident powder," the minion snaps.

 Fitz walks through the Big Onion to Kettricken's door, where he knocks and tells her that he's going to kill her brother. Then he goes to Rurisk's room, with Kettricken following behind. He sits down at Rurisk's table and dumps the accident powder into a glass of wine while Rurisk watches. Then they both drink from a different glass.

 "Kind of sucks that Shift Manager Regal told everyone you're an assassin, Pull-Out Fail," Rurisk says. "You wanna hang out here in the mountain kingdom so you don't end up at the bottom of a lake with your feet encased in concrete?"

 "Maybe," Fitz says. "I think somebody's supposed to catch me in the act of killing you just now, will you let them in?"

 Cob bursts in the door. "Caught you red handed poisoning the Prin-- OH FUCK KETTRICKEN YOU DIDN'T DRINK THAT WINE DID YOU??"

 "No, why?"

 Rurisk falls over dead.

 "Wait, why is he dead, we both drank from the same gl-- wow, I do NOT feel so great," Fitz says, foaming at the mouth again.

 Cob grabs him. "I sent Smithy to space," he grins.

 "Yeah, well I have a poisoned knife," Fitz replies, stabbing him with it.

 "Sweet mountain Jesus, someone stop him, he's killing everyone!" Kettricken yells, then realizes she's holding a heavy metal object and beans Fitz in the head with it.

 Fitz wakes up in the stables outside the Big Onion with Regal already monologuing over him. "I wanted you dead because you and Lady Thyme poisoned my mother!"

 "Queen Desire, Shrewd's second queen who died at some point in this book but Fitz literally cared so little that he didn't even mention it," says a nearby hay bale.

 "Thank you, hay bale," Regal says. "You thought I didn't know you poisoned her, but I DID know! I also know that you were using Burrich to Skill, but as soon as I had Cob stab him you were forced to stop. I knew ALL of these things!"

 "Glag," Fitz says, concussed. Then he closes his eyes, and suddenly he can Skill.

 "Hi, Prince Regal," Galen the Skillmaster says. "Are you ready for me to Skill-Kill Prince Verity during the wedding so you can marry Kettricken and be King-in-Waiting?"

 "Ugh, but she looks like a Soviet Union propaganda poster," Regal moans.

 "Suck it up," Galen says, hitting 'end call.'

 Fitz is still laying on his face in the stables. Nosy noses in and ambles over to drool on him, then bites through the ropes Fitz is tied up with. Burrich shows up next.

 "You have the Wit," Fitz tries to say, but he's still suffering poison damage and the 'hit in the head' debuff, so it comes out as "Glaggaglah."

 "I'm in the closet," Burrich says. "Did King Shrewd turn you into a baby assassin?"

 "Glag," Fitz confirms sadly.

 Burrich looks back at him, then does a double-take. "Where the fuck did you get that collar that says 'DADDY' on it?" he demands.

 "Patience glave it to me."

 "I cannot fucking believe this," Burrich mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's the collar that I gave to your dad."

 Fitz looks at him.

 "You gave it to Prince Chivalry when he found out about me," Fitz says. "That's why it says 'DADDY,' because that's when he found out he was a father."

 "Sure, we'll go with that," Burrich says queerly.

 Jonqui, King Eyod's sister, clips through the wall while T-posing. "Come back to the Big Onion," she says. "Kettricken has forgiven you for poisoning her brother. Which I know you didn't do."

 They drag Fitz back to his rooms at the Big Onion. While Fitz is trying to remember how to drink water, August shows up at the door. "Verity called," he says boredly. "He said, uh, be loyal to who's loyal to you, or something. Also all of Regal's servants died mysteriously and he wants you to go to the hot springs to help him bathe."

 "I do not want to see Regal naked," Fi tz protests, but goes anyway.

 Regal's sitting in a hot tub drinking an evil martini when Fitz and Burrich arrive. "Ah, there you are," Regal says. "Hulking Manservant, bang Burrich over the head."

 Burrich goes down. Fitz yells timber. Regal drags Fitz over to another hot tub, ignoring the sign that says 'WARNING: DO NOT USE THIS HOT TUB IF YOU HAVE BEEN RECENTLY BETRAYED BY YOUR EVIL UNCLE' and throws him in.

 "And that's that," Regal says happily, dusting off his hands, and leaves.

 Fitz, flailing around in the water being hot tubbed to death, can suddenly Skill (again). This is great! He Skills joyously. Skilling is rad! I'm gonna call everyone! Hey Verity! VERITY! ... Verity?

 "Dearly Beloved..."

 The Fool looks up from his Adult Coloring Book. "Hm?"

 "We are gathered here today to join these two second bananas in holy matrimony. Do you, Prince Verity..."

 Verity! Fitz Skill-yells. Look out!! Skillmaster Galen is standing behind you about to pull a Skill Dracula on you and suck out all your, uh, Skill! That's a thing that can happen apparently!

 I am actually Queen Desire's bastard son and Prince Regal's half brother! Galen Skills evilly. I'm pretty sure there's no member of the Farseer reign that HASN'T either sired or given birth to a bastard! Like seriously, as a family we legit just cannot keep our pants on. ANYWAY! I have been conspiring to kill Verity and put Regal on the thro-- oh okay apparently you can just straight kill someone with the Skill too, who knew.

 Galen collapses, Skill-dead.

 AUGUST, Verity Skill-megaphones into August the Skill-cousin's ear. PUT THE KRAKEN ON THE LINE SO I CAN TELL HER IT WASN'T ME WHO PLOTTED TO KILL PRINCE RURISK. AND ALSO THAT I RESPECT HER AS A PERSON AND WILL GREET HER WHEN SHE ARRIVES AT BUCKKEEP WITH A FIRM HANDSHAKE AND A MANLY NOD.

 August's head explodes.

 ~epilogue~

 Fitz and Burrich are later found in a wet, unconscious pile in the steams. Fitz has puncture marks in his wrist from where Nosy pulled him out of his hot tub tomb before climbing into his rocketship and flying back to his home planet.

 Though neither of them are dead, Burrich has conveniently forgotten that Fitz is a baby assassin, and Fitz probably can't be a baby assassin anymore because he has about thirty seizures a day due to being poisoned and then poisoned again and then blugeoned and kicked and drowned all in the space of like thirty minutes.

 They spend a long time recovering in Jhaampe, even after Kettricken and Regal (remember him? he's still alive) go down to Buckkeep. Burrich tells Fitz that they're friends again and that he'll go wherever Fitz goes because he's wearing the 'DADDY' collar. Fitz says, "Because you... view me as a parental figure? I guess?"

 Burrich replies, "Sure. We'll go with that." NEXT TIME, ON DRAGON BOOK Z: Fitz has his Hot Girl Summer, immediately followed by his Shit’s Wack Winter, in ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED! 

[kken-kenn]

• Ashlynn Ella x f!reader

—————

“That’s what I said! And then the next day, she shows up and does it again!” Ashlynn exclaims, continuing to talk about whatever the conversation topic was about this time with your friends. You though? You didn’t care, you were too happy laying against your girlfriend’s shoulder like you had done since the moment you saw her that morning.

“And people say I’m the one who’s always sleepy!” A commenter speaks up, you open your eyes and see Briar chuckling from behind the back of her hand, “Because you are! But [Name] has been studying for a test all week of course she’s tired!” Ashlynn defends you, while Briar rolls her eyes playfully.

…Ding!

The school bell rings signifying students that breakfast is now over and they must leave the Castleteria to report to their first period of that school day. You whine when Ashlynn gets up, her comforting warmth leaving your body, “C’mon you big baby we have to get to class,” you stand, while Ashlynn intertwines your hand with her, and walks at a slower pace so as to not rush you.

⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ♡ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅

You sit with the two girls along the back row while they chat about upcoming events; shoe sales, parties, tests, maybe even hangout plans for later, including you of course. “So [Name] what do you think?” Ashlynn looks over at you, wanting to know your opinion. “I think…cuddles,” You wrap your arms around her waist to bring her closer as to hide yourself within the crook of her neck.

“That’s sweet, hon but we need to work, we’re in class now!” She whispers against your ear, “But we’re in the back of Rumplestilskins class, it’s not like he can see us!” You point out, while Both Briar and Ashlynn watch the short man mutter out nonsense from the floor. “She has a point!”

Briar agrees, while placing her pink headphones atop her head to listen to some music. She leans forward in her seat slightly, bobbing her head back and forth to the beat, “You just have a way with words don’t you?” Ashlynn looks down at you, “I’m just tired, the guy’s class is boring, also he’s a terrible person, and an even worse teacher.”

Ashlynn couldn’t disagree with you there, he gave tests for no reason other than he could and he tried to mess up the MirrorNet once. “I guess you laying down wouldn’t hurt,” Ashlynn hugs you the same, being able to lay her head against yours, while she slightly rocks back and forth.

“This is gonna be a long day…” Ashlynn laughs, while wondering all the sorts of things you would do to keep her close.

⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ♡ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅

"Seriously I don’t get why you pick anything over — !“ Apple complains, while you all sit around a table at lunch, you eat your food idly while you listen carefully to what Apple has to say, but are abruptly kicked out of your trance when you feel Ashlynn move over a little, "Why are you moving?”

Ashlynn looks over at you confused, “Well Briar wanted to sit next to — ” She lets out an “eek” when you scoot back, even closer this time. “I don’t care who Briar wants to sit next to, you sit next to me,” You deadpan, while Ashlynn looks at you a little shocked, “Friend wants to sit next to their girlfriend, I respect that.”

Briar sits on your open end, setting down her lunch tray and chatting away with Apple again, “Okay, seriously when did you get so clingy?” Ashlynn giggles, her eyes squinting a little due to how big of a smile had formed across her face. “I’ve always been clingy, you just never noticed Ash.”

You tell her blankly, but nevertheless kiss her cheek sweetly before returning to your food. “A gift of my clinginess,” Ashlynn enjoys the clinginess if it means she’ll be able to get another kiss out of you, “So, does that mean I get another kiss?” Ashlynn flutters her eyelashes, trying to look innocent. “No.”

Ashlynn hits you on the arm, grumpy. “Ow! Hey, it was just a joke!”

—————

[ecargmura]

My Happy Marriage Episode 2 Review: Supernatural World Building

First off, I want to correct myself on something. Last episode, I said that the anime took place in Taisho Era? Someone on Tumblr corrected me, saying that the anime actually takes place in Meiji era. Thank you to the person who corrected me.

Anyways, this episode is about Miyo adjusting to her life in the Kudou manor. She makes breakfast for her fiancé, but he refuses to eat, suspecting it to be poisoned. Fortunately, he regrets his actions and tries her breakfast the next day; he really enjoys her miso soup, to her surprise.

We learn more about Kiyoka and Miyo throughout this episode. Miyo is someone who lived such a harsh life. Her family is a prominent family with supernatural abilities, but she did not receive any, hence her mistreatment towards her biological father and her stepmother. As a child, she was a bit straightforward as she was looking for mementos of her mother that had gone missing; she had suspected her stepmother and it caused her to be locked in a storage room. Damn, I hate Miyo’s family so much. I think what the most heart wrenching moment was the fact that Kaya was able to see Grotesqueries and her biological father starts doting on her than his first daughter. I just want to punch all three of them.

The abuse has caused her to be so withdrawn that she had to apologize to protect herself. I can actually relate to the apologizing; I once had a bad habit of apologizing a lot when I was a teenager because I had hurt my friends who in turn decided to isolate me. Because I didn’t want to feel hurt again, most of my teenage years was spent me apologizing out of habit. Kiyoka even said that apologizing loses its meaning if constantly said, which is super understandable; I apologized so much that I was wondering if my apologies were actually genuine once I reached my early twenties. Fortunately, I am no longer apologetic now. It was a bad habit to break out of.

Kiyoka seemed like a jerk at first, but it was understandable why he was doubtful. He explained to Yurie that his past fiancees only wanted wealth and status from him, which is a turn off for him. It also seems that he’s the commander of an Anti-Grotesquerie unit. I guess this explains the premise of the show—fighting grotesqueries? Kiyoka has supernatural abilities which he can use easily; it even has convenient usage like heating up a bath. I’m glad that Kiyoka knows that his words had hurt Miyo, so he made it up to her by eating her breakfast. It seems that he is quite interested in her background as she doesn’t look like a daughter from a prominent family.

Yurie is very sweet. She has known Kiyoka the longest so she knows what sort of person he is. She even tells Miyo that he is actually a kind person underneath his ice. Since Miyo didn’t run off, it makes me wonder how many fiancees didn’t listen to Yurie’s words and just ran off.

Meanwhile, at the Saimori house, Miyo’s old room is being used as a storage room. Kouji is determined to protect Miyo however he can. However, it also seems as if the Tatsuishi family was wanting Miyo to marry Kouji and not Kaya as she has Usuba blood or something. It seems that Miyo’s a lot more special than she seems…

I want to talk about the voice acting. It’s amazing. Reina Ueda is known for her soft tone, but to make Miyo a bit older, she makes her voice a bit deeper, but still has her signature soft voice perfect for a soft-spoken person like Miyo. I can hear Ueda also sounding lifeless which also fits Miyo. Kaito Ishikawa is nailing it as Kiyoka. I’ve never heard him use such a calm voice and I think he should get more roles like this in the future! It’s so nice to listen too!

I’m honestly enjoying this anime. I can’t wait to see more now that we have a bit more world-building withe the insertion of Grotesqueries, supernatural abilities and so forth. I can’t wait to see what it is that makes Miyo so special. Most of all, I want to see Kiyoka warm up to Miyo and for Miyo to open up to him. I can see potential!

[bunky-writes]

Chapter 4:

“The Rise”

After that incident, Pax and I started hanging out a lot. He was friendly, humorous, and naturally a good guy. He was cute as well but that’s not something I wanted to act on. I already had a difficult time gaining friends, I didn’t need to get a crush on a developing friendship.

“I’m telling you, there’s gotta be some zombies out there, like in Fallout!”

Pax has been debating the existence of zombies and other mutated creatures after ‘The Incident’ and to be honest, I’ve only been half listening. It kind of gets repetitive after the fifth time.

“Pax, my buddy, my pal, my comrade, please quit it already.”

“What, too scared?”

“No! There’s no way there are zombies. If we go outside, it would simply be a wasteland. Dead stuff everywhere.

“You don’t know that! The closest thing we have to a biologist is my mom and she hasn’t disagreed with my statement.”

“Well, she hasn’t agreed either.”

“Hush!”

We were currently in the main room, eating breakfast. It was a miserable one but filling. Glue-like oatmeal has become a ‘delicacy’ in the bunker. In the middle of Pax‘s debate, Harvey had joined with his bowl of oatmeal and a cup of black coffee. He merely raised an eyebrow at Pax’s passionate one-sided discussion though.

“Come on Harv! You have to agree with me, wouldn’t it be cool with zombies?”

Harvey only scoffed and continued eating, he was most likely a coffee-before-talking person. Soon Joseph and Mrs. McCarthy joined as well, Jo didn’t seem that thrilled about the glue-like meal.

“So what are we doing today?” Pax asked.

“Well… the water pump is giving us trouble, but Harvey said he’d look into it. Right?-“ Mrs. McCarthy glanced towards Harvey, who only grunted and nodded “-But we’ve still got some cleaning and sorting to do. We need to figure out how much food we’ve got left, we might have to start finding other means for food, maybe a farm?”

I perked up at the mention of a farm, my mother used to grow vegetables and potatoes in our garden. I remember helping her, so I might be of use.

“Uh, Mrs. McCarthy, I used to plant stuff with my mom. Maybe I can help?”

Mrs. McCarthy smiled and nodded.

“Sounds great, hun! And how many times have I told you, you can just call me Kate.”

“Ah, sorry. I’m used to being polite.”

Harvey scoffed, almost chuckled, at that.

“A real gentleman, polite to the ladies, but not the old man, huh?”

I felt my cheeks grow hot, I was probably the color of a tomato.

“Now now, Harvey, don’t tease the sweet kid.”

“Nah, seeing Six all red and nervous is cute.” Pax chimed in.

I thought it was impossible, but somehow it got even hotter in the room.

‘I’m going to die of embarrassment.’

Jo just laughed.

The day went by rather quickly, Mrs. Mc-, I mean Kate and I found a few seeds and big, long pots for planting. We had found a small room in the kitchen perfect as a ‘farm-room’ The UV lamp in the room was flickering, but somehow working. Kate and I both agreed we’d had a productive day.

“DAMN PUMP!”

Harvey wasn’t as fortunate, the work on the water pump was going slowly. He was very stubborn about accomplishing it himself. The boiler room was on the opposing side of the main room, at the end of the hallway uniting the bunkrooms.

I decided to peek into the boiler room, just to check up on Harvey. I had brought a snack, a sandwich. Pax and Joseph had calculated that we had enough food for at most six months so a small snack was all we could do for lunch.

“Erm, Harvey?”

I apparently spooked him, because as soon as I spoke up, Harvey jumped and hit his head from under the pump’s water container.

“Ow, fuck!” He exclaimed.

I put down the tray with the sandwich on a reasonably clean and mess-free surface and rushed forward to check up on Harvey.

“I’m fine, just fine!” Harvey put out a hand towards me, stopping me in my tracks.

“Sorry” I practically whispered.

He sighed and nodded. “It’s fine kid.”

An uncomfortable and awkward silence surrounded us. But Harvey soon spoke up.

“What’ya want, kid?”

‘This will be an interesting mission; trying to help Harvey without hurting his ego.’

“Erm, I’m done with my chores so I just… I thought maybe y’know, you could teach me how to fix the pump?”

‘Smooth dude.’

Harvey eyed me, looking up and down, with narrowed eyes. He could probably see right through my lie. He grumbled and hummed.

“Okay, kid. Only this once.”

I let out a sigh, not realizing I had held my breath. I kneeled next to Harvey and started listening to his teaching. He might’ve seemed annoyed and frustrated by the fact he ‘HAD’ to teach me but he explained vividly and answered any questions I had, he even seemed to enjoy teaching me. Although I’d never tell him that, I would like to live for my 20th birthday.

Before we knew it, it was dinnertime, and Harvey and I had fixed the pump. I was happy to help, and Harvey was happy to relieve his back and knees.

“You did good, kid.”

Harvey’s comment circulated in my mind. When was the last time my dad praised my work? It gave me an uneasy feeling, but I tried to ignore it and think of Harvey’s statement. It had been full of fondness, he seemed… proud. It warmed my chest, I never thought such a half-assed and simple compliment could make me this happy.

After dinner, it was time for bed, and for the first time in weeks, I didn’t wake up due to a nightmare.

[thelighthousestale]

Tree Cutting

In the quiet hush of morning on the Hogwarts grounds, while the rest of the castle was inside eating breakfast, a solitary figure sat crossed-legged facing the base of an old tree with a pocket knife in hand. Sixteen-year-old Sirius Black etched scars into the tree's bark, letting the scratching of his blade against the wood drown out his thoughts as he watched pieces of the tree fall to the ground. Scratch, scratch, scratch, Sirius continued. Each strike into the tree created a deeper wound than the one before.

“Goodness, and what has poor Mr. Tree done to deserve such an attack?” A familiar voice interrupted Sirius’ trance.

“You know, Evans, when a person is sitting outside by themselves instead of enjoying a warm meal inside one could interpret that as the person wanting to be left alone.” 

Lily didn’t stomp away or say anything snarky like he thought she would. She simply sat down next to him, her hands in her lap, and her bottle-green eyes bore into the side of his head. “My sister and I don’t get along.”

“What a shame,” Sirius replied sarcastically

“It is. We used to be close but now all we do is fight. She thinks I’m a freak and that I go to a freak school. She doesn’t understand why I can’t be, quote, “normal” unquote like her. Over the holiday she got into such a fit that she ripped up pages from my potions book because I was working on an essay at the kitchen table while she was baking shortbread. According to Petunia, my filthy freak books were contaminating her proper Christmas baking.”

“Oh,” Sirius halted his tree carving to face Lily. 

“Yeah,” Lily blew a strand of red hair out of her face. “Well every family is unhappy in their own special way or whatever that quote is.”

“Not every family, you haven’t met the Potters. You know they actually enjoy spending time together? I’ve even seen James willingly let his mother hug and kiss him in public.”

“Potter is a spoiled child with indulgent parents? That explains a lot.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Is that where you ran away to? To Potter’s house? Sorry, it's just what your mum screamed in that howler last night. That you had run away from home.”

“Yeah,” Sirius flipped his knife between his fingers, watching the metal blade glint in the sunlight. “I’m sick of their shit so I left. I’m never going back.”

When Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin he stayed up all night dreading the response from his parents. But it was actually fine. They were disappointed and made sure that he understood that but the big fallout that he so positive was to come never did. But then he befriended blood traitors, half-bloods, and the most unforgivable of all Muggle-borns. He asked questions about his family’s beliefs and practices, innocent at first because he was confused about why his experiences and the people he met at school didn’t correlate with what his parents told him, and then he started challenging them, pushing them to think outside their limited scope. That’s when everything changed.

He knew Regulus was following him when he went out to Muggle London the day after they arrived home from Hogwarts. He thought, foolishly, that his brother innocently missed him and wanted to hang out with him. But Sirius stubbornly wasn’t going to make the first move. If Reggie wanted to be brothers again then he’d have to reach out first. Sirius was silently challenging him to show some courage for once.

But Sirius was wrong. Once Regulus understood what Sirius was doing he ran back to Grimmuald Place and reported to Mother that Sirius was cavorting around with a Muggle girl who worked at a record shop. The next day Sirius found out that Father had gone to the shop and whipped the girl’s memory. That was the final straw. Sirius left.

The girl was fine. He asked James to go and check on her. She didn’t remember Sirius, she was convinced that she had spent last summer in Spain with family and not in Camden with a mysterious handsome boy who went to an exclusive boarding school up north.

Lily’s voice cut through his thoughts, “I think it’s very brave of you, Sirius. To leave. I know you like to play it off like it's nothing in front of everyone but I was always worried about you every time your mother sent a howler, they could get rather intense.”

His mother’s latest howler had been a triumph. It had put all her past screeching correspondences to shame. The Gryffindor students who returned from the winter holiday had just staggered back into the common room when his mother’s owl arrived. James had tried to pull him by the collar back through the portrait hole to run before the howler exploded but Sirius just stood there frozen in shock. He had run away from Grimmuald Place two days after the break started and his family hadn’t communicated at all since then (and the surprise hurt Sirius had felt when it occurred to him that no one was going to follow up with him, ask him where he went, to beg him to return…). The common room shook with his mother’s words, “traitor” “hang out with scum” “no longer family” “cut out” “don’t ever return” “I hope you die with the rest of the traitors and filth you call friends.” She didn’t mention it in the howler but Sirius knew there was now a blasted hole in the family tree where his name used to be. Cut out. Cut off. 

Lily reached out a small hand and stilled his knife play, “I guess I just wanted to let you know you’re not the only one who has family members that scream nasty things at them. I…” Lily trailed off and removed her hand. 

“We could bond over shitty families who hate us? Sounds like a cracking good time.” The area of the tree that Sirius had cut with his knife was now a flat clean surface. No bumps or knots. Just smooth and new.

“Yes, well…” Lily sighed “I understand if you just want to talk to Potter. I really do and I don’t want to pry or make you uncomfortable. You’re very lucky to have Potter.”  

“You know, for someone who is supposed to annoy the shit out of you you sure do bring up James a lot.”

“You brought him up!” Lily huffed and then looked at her watch “We have Charms in ten minutes. Walk with me?”

“I was thinking of skiving it off and going to the kitchens,” Sirius said as he pocketed his knife and stood up, extending his hand for Lily to take. Instead of placing her hand in his, Lily placed a pastry in Sirius' open palm. 

“How about you eat the sustenance I brought and we go to class together?”

Sirius let out a barking laugh and took a bite of the pastry. “Deal.”

[thevillanonyan]

The Rotwell Murders

Chapter 2:

The South facing side of the Rotwell building had been cornered off by Deprac for the last week, none of us were allowed to train in our usual rooms which unfortunately meant sharing with the older kids.  

No one in the agency had taken the news well, not many people knew the victim, those who did said he was a respectable man. I remember sometimes seeing him before going out on cases, walking down the hallways enjoying the quiet empty building, he would sometimes glance over to us and smile, a confused smile, on occasion it looked like he was embarrassed. Only past agents tended to look at you like that; I wondered if he had talent when he was younger.  

The marketing branch of Rotwell was furious when they heard the news, how were they meant to convince the public that The Rotwell Agency are going to keep them safe when there are deaths happing in their own building. I heard talk of them pretending it wasn’t a murder and saying it was ghost touch instead, but they ultimately decided that would hurt their brand more. Going down the large steps at the entrance, one of the journalists had said that a murderer would make a nice change of pace from all the hauntings in the newspapers, personally I wasn’t convinced it would make the people of London feel any safer, especially since the police had very little power or presence compared to the years before the problem, but I guess they know what they’re doing.  

I has been working as a full-time agent for a year now, I went through the general training program and got picked out by the Rotwell agency. Most of the other kids from my area went to smaller agencies so I was seen as a golden child. That changed as I struggled to keep my place though, the other agents at Rotwell were very polished in their work and have a great drive to be the best, throughout the year I’ve seen my rank go down and down. When I first arrived, I was put on one of the top twenty teams (which is impressive for my age) but now I’ve been put on the substitute list. Until someone from a team gets registered too hurt or dead, I get drafted into a different team weekly to sort out very minor disturbances. All of this, being an extremely long way to explain why I find myself sitting alone during my lunch break (which really should be renamed breakfast, as for most agents it’s the first meal of the day). 

Back when I was in a team, we would take lunch together at the dinner hall. Most agents do this as it gives a place for us to talk to other people, gather useful information and show that we are united (as a team, but also as an agency). When you’re on the substitute list, you’re not as welcome in such spaces. In general, I take a walk during my breaks. Recently I’ve started going to The Rotwell Grounds (a fancy name for a graveyard of children) for my walk as less people go there (for obvious reasons) and no one goes during lunch hour, it feels strange to see it during the day, honestly daytime in general feels strange since I’ve started working. I’m so used to seeing things at night, most of the daytime is spent training and waiting for nightfall. Even during the winter, the sun makes everything feel too warm, there are also so many people everywhere, the noise of them is completely overwhelming. Agents are trained to keep as quiet as possible and fully alert with all of their senses at 100% the second it becomes dark, its no wonder I feel so out of place with the hustle and bustle of normal life.  

As per usual, I sat beside a grave marked ‘Elouise Martain’ to eat my sandwich, she was one of my friends when I first joined, I didn’t know her super well, but she was one of the first people I saw die on the job, so she always stayed prominent in my mind.  

I was three bites in when from my left side I heard the squelching of mud. Probably just someone else going for a walk I thought. No one else walks through here at this time though, I know that. I felt a sharp piece of metal collide with the side of my neck, dirty and rusted it cut though my skin. I was too slow to react, my agent senses had been dulled due to the time of day, if only it had been dark! I would have survived. Instead, right beside the first friend I saw killed, I was murdered. 

[kimsgoeun]

plots, muses, and fcs i wanna have/use. i prefer writing on tumblr and will most likely write using my multimuse blog. like or message me if you’re interested. 

plots

give me a “i’ve been in love with my best friend forever but they’ve never noticed, so i decided to start something up with best friend’s enemy/rival in the hopes of making them jealous.” 

muse a is a knight—it’s all they have ever wanted to be. muse b is a prince/princess, and muse a is assigned to personally protect them. this could go one of two ways—they could be fond of each other and eventually fall for one another, even though muse b is meant to marry into a noble family; OR they could both dislike each other but honor dictates that muse a must put up with muse a, and it’s more like an enemies-to-lovers sort of deal.

“A plot where a flower crown, summer dress wearing innocent princess of a girl goes to a festival and by chance meets the lead guitarist of one of the head-lining acts. He’s super punk and is known as the player/heartbreaker of his band and first of all just sees the girl as another groupie to add to his list–there’s lots of sneaking back stage and into tents when its dead late and eye fucking when he’s on stage. Then surprise, surprise, he falls hard for her her only to find out later that she has some sophisticated, rich boyfriend from some ivy league college and she’s not actually so innocent after all.”

give me a plot based off of ‘my love story with yamada-kun at lv999′; after muse a’s bf dumps them for someone they met online in a game, muse a decides to show up to a game event in the hopes of getting their ex to regret their decision. muse b is a well-known gamer online but doesn’t have much interest in the real world. the pair happen to meet in person after realizing they know of each other through one of the games muse b plays. muse a, spotting their ex and their new gf, convinces muse b to pretend to be in a relationship with them just to save face. 

witch hunter and witch having an illicit affair

demon x human gfs

"we met in the woods while riding early in the morning and had an intense fuck session but opps turns out you are actually my brother's betrothed since birth and your marriage will end up a centuries long dispute between our kingdoms"

i just want a i have a famous boyfriend but i cannot tell anyone plot cause cute like going out at night and dressing him up so that people won’t recognize him, secret meetings at the closet and FUCKING inside the bus

*whispers* a f/f thread where they’re two best friends, coworkers, whatever. who are both single and decide to spend valentine’s day together watching movies, eating snacks and drinking wine as gal pals but at some point of the night they’re singing to their favorite song because FUCK YEAH they sooo don’t need a man and slow dancing and there’s too much wine in their system and it’s all too unintentionally romantic that they start kissing and oh…..

ok but someone give me that cute bartender storyline though? like this guy tends bar at a restaurant or a pub or something and always sees this cute girl hanging out there, but she’s always either with friends or with some guy so he never really gets the time to talk to her BUT ONE DAY she walks into the place alone and orders so many drinks until she’s so bloody drunk, screaming about how her boyfriend cheated on her, that the bartender had to bring her home himself. she wakes up with a horrible hangover, stumbles out the room to find the bartender cooking breakfast and rolling his eyes, laughing. “first of all, you’re an idiot. second, we didn’t have sex if that’s what you’re wondering. third, breakfast will be ready soon. sit.” and fluff commences HELP PLZ

but what about “your ex hired me to make you fall in love with me then break your heart but oops i think i fell in love and now i’m conflicted what the fuck is happening i’m supposed to hurt you ow what am i sUPPOSED TO DO” that’d be rad

muses (totally open to other plots for them btw)

jang soo-min 

25 | athletic trainer | park yoo-na fc

very work-oriented; sarcastic; more of a tomboy; reactive; likes to host parties; social

plot ideas: ▶ muse  a  was  invited  to  spend  the  summer  at  their  best  friends  beach  house  with  their  entire  family  ,    including  the  older  brother  /  sister  (  muse  b )  that  they’ve  had  a  small    (  but  hopeless  )    crush  on  since  middle  school  .    despite  all  the  years  they’ve  known  each  other  ,    they’ve  never  spent  this  much  time  around  each  other  and  it’s  hard  to  keep  their  eyes  off  of  one  another  ,    especially  when  the  hot  summer  sun  is  involved  . ▶ i just need a “hey, i know you’re dating my brother but he’s an asshole and just playing with you but me, i’m in love with you since 3rd grade” plot? ▶ Oh your parents planned a surprise visit and now you’re having that awkward ‘Where is your life going? We’re low key disappointed in you.’ conversation in a ridiculously public place? Here let me pretend to be the reason you’ve been staring at your phone this whole time. “Hey baby, sorry I’m late.” ▶ athletic trainer x athlete

jasper o’hara 

26 | financial analyst | alex fitzalan fc

a little impulsive; was a major screw-up growing up (still is a little bit now); tends to avoid relationships; a smart-ass; has a strained relationship with his family; doesn’t really believe he’s capable of much

plot ideas: ▶ “academic rivals to lovers but she’s the only one who hates him and he’s been in love with her since the day they met” ▶ pls gimme a cliche ass plot with two best friends where muse a is an asshole who fucks everything with a pulse & doesn’t care about anyone but gets super protective etc about their best friend muse b at all times!! ▶ “i had to be ur fake boyfriend/girlfriend bc some creep was hitting on you and it was making you uncomfortable and now i have busted knuckles and a cut lip but hey are u okay” au

min moon-ji 

31 | art teacher | shin hye-sun fc

soft spoken; takes her a while to warm up to people; invisible middle child; doesn’t like asking for help

plot ideas: ▶ “Muse A is well-mannered, polite, quiet, and shy, and Muse B didn’t even know they existed until they tap on Muse B’s shoulder and asks them out super awkwardly/nervously. Muse B, feeling bad for them, agrees and ends up having a rather awkward and weird first date with them. Despite this, Muse A asks them out a second time, and while Muse B doesn’t exactly think it’s a good idea, finds themselves agreeing again. Of course the second time around, Muse A goes in for a kiss and it ends up not being chaste, sweet, or awkward like Muse B expects, but instead it’s rough and passionate and oops, now Muse B is a little more interested to see where things lead.” ▶ we’ve been best friends since we were kids, and people always see us as practically siblings, and we do everything together, but one night we had a ~ moment ~ and things have been weird ever since. now you’re making out with someone else right in front of me, and i don’t know why it makes me so upset, you’ve had bfs/gfs before and it wasn’t a problem. ▶ teacher x teacher ships

sebastian pierce-waldorf 

25 | brand marketing assistant | felix mallard fc

arrogant and a little condescending; tries to please his parents even if he hates the life they want for him; kind of a stick in the mud; high-strung; leads a semi-double life tp let off steam; occasionally does underground ring fights; too emotionally unavailable to be in relationships

plot ideas: ▶ enemies to lovers // enemies with benefits ▶ “We’re fake-dating and I’m supposed to publicly break up with you but you’ve been irritating me lately so instead of dumping you I publicly proposed to mess up your plan and now we’re getting married, fuck” au ▶ childhood friends where you’re about the only person i can stand being around and i’m really protective over you

wren gables 

 41 | hitman | ben barnes fc

lots of anger; got into the job to exact revenge; overthinker and a little narrow-minded; perfectionist in their work; loner

plot ideas: ▶ all i want right now is a cliché undercover marriage 1x1 where there’s two spies who hate each other and everyone knows it but now they’re the only two available for this long term undercover mission as a married couple in an apartment/suburb and they have to be believable through dinner parties and etc. just pleASE give this to me ▶ Give me a dark couple. Two ex-killers who have gone domestic and can’t seem to adjust properly, despite it being what they both agreed on. ▶ Give me an assassin and a girl he can’t kill and I’ll ship the hell out of it.

fcs

angelina jolie

anne hathaway

banita sandhu

ben barnes

bona 

brie larson

catherine haena kim

chae jong-hyeop

dichen lachman

henry golding

kang tae-oh

katherine mcnamara

kim taeri

lee joo myung

lee soo hyuk

levy tran

lewis tan

meghann fahy

nathalie emmanuel

penn badgely

rowoon

sam claflin

sandra oh

simone ashley

song jihyo

song kang

tati gabrielle

theo james

woo do hwan

yoo in na

[nathanrm]

Hi! Could you write some fluff headcanons for Homicidal liu? If not that's totally fine! Have a nice day :)

No worries!, I’ve been wanting to do a request and this is my first one! And thank you! ^^

These are just my personal headcannons of liu so I’m sorry if you don’t like some of them, (jeff and liu are on good terms with each other since this is for fluff) and you can read these as either plutonic or romantic, which ever works for you best!

If you wanted sully as well I’m sorry to say that I’m not good with writing characters with a switch personality or DID as some people think it is, so I’m sorry if you wanted him too

Liu would be cautious of you because he has trust issues after what happened to jeff, but after a while he starts to warm up to you and eventually that starts your friendship (or romantic relationship ) with him.

Three words.. Scary. Dog. Privileges, his scars make him look intimidating (and he’s tall so that’s a bonus) and you use that to your fucking advantage when your both out (when the cops aren’t looking for him) and he loves that you feel safe with him, if your the type to hold hands or cling onto someone’s arm when going out then he loves it, he fucking loves it that you cling onto him to feel safe and jeff teases him about it (it’s just playful teasing though)

If liu ever got seen when he was out killing and the cops are after him, he’s hiding at your place, if he shows up with wounds you patch him up despite him saying he can do it himself, you make him sit down and rest, then cook something to eat and get him some extra pillows and blankets and he’s processing all of this because no one (aside from jeff) has treated him like this in a long time so he’s not used to it

You sort of like pamper him for the next few days or weeks till the cops gives up on looking for him but he loves it and purposely gets cough sometimes just so you can take care of him, jeff ends up doing it too and now you have to they are of both of the woods brothers

They would question your sanity if you know about them being killers and are fine with them basically using your house as a hide out, but they’re not complaining they love it

The first time you called him handsome he didn’t even think that it was directed towards him, he thought you were calling someone else handsome even though he was the only other person in the room with you, he blushed when you confirmed that he was the one you were calling handsome, he feels like he shouldn’t be called handsome because of his scars but you are insistent that he’s handsome and he doesn’t know how to respond, only a simple thank you is all he can say after you kept complimenting him

If your the fashionable type you are buying liu a new wardrobe because his closet is just grey turtle neck shirts, black pants, black jackets and his scarf, if he says wants to keep his clothes just blacks and grey you drag him to the mall to buy cloths that are blacks and greys but more fashionable and stylish- nothing flashy though, just casual cloths that are trendy, you two wear matching outfits and Jeff’s wants in

If your the type who cooks and bakes then he and jeff are always going to you if they’re hungry, they eat at your place every, breakfast, lunch and dinner and for snacks, and you always make sure they’re both eating properly

If you make stuff (like stuffed animals, jewellery, clothes ect) for liu would be confused, like why are you making him these things?, oh you make them because you like/love and care about him?.. oh.., he’s confused but he treasures the stuff you make him and take care of them properly , because you put so much effort into making him these things- you also make jeff stuff and he demanded you make matching (jewellery, stuffed animal, clothes) for you, him and liu

This is all the I could think of and I hope you like it!!

this is a fluff request so not much killing is mentioned I know they’re killers but a fluff request is a fluff request and they asked for it so they shall have it!!

[ribbondee]

An Interesting Arrangment, Chapter 7

Pac didn’t sleep well at all last night… his thoughts and dreams were about HER. He sat up as his alarm began to blare, and he just simply smacked it off of his nightstand. It landed on the floor with a clatter, breaking in the process. 

He rubbed his tired eyes and heaved a great yawn. Just WHY was he getting so worked up about it?! He had only seen her for less than five minutes, and he didn’t even know her name. Her words and attitude were still fresh as ever in his brain, as was how he had found her cute. CUTE. How gross. 

He got off his bed, and stretched. Well, it was no use just laying there. It was breakfast time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pac just sat at the end of the table in the dining hall, picking at his food. Of course this was extremely unusual, as Pac was the type to devour every single morsel in sight if given the chance.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts, that he barely listened to his dad arguing with the waiter. “I said I wanted my bacon extra crispy- this is SORT OF crispy. Do I look like a ‘sort of’ type of person to you?”, Betrayus barked at his servant.

“N-no sir…”

“Good. Now you go back down into that kitchen and tell that one-eyed hash slinger to fix this!”

“Yes sir…” 

Buttler took the plate and sulked off in the direction of the kitchen, and he was lucky he didn’t have a plate full of food thrown at his face this time. From Corporal, all the way down to butler. All because he had dared to talk back to his boss just once. Poor guy.

Betrayus noticed his son wasn’t eating, which caused him to change moods at once from anger to concern. 

“My boy, you aren’t eating!”

“Nope…”

“Why not?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Betrayus’ jaw fell open from shock. Pac, not hungry?! Something was most definitely up. 

“Something the matter?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Even Betrayus knew better than to press his son for details, so he backed off. But just WHAT was it? He was perfectly fine and happy yesterday! Perhaps it was just one of those “puberty mood swings”. So for now he decided to leave the matter alone, and allowed Pac to be excused. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pac was back in his room, not knowing how to feel. Should he be angry? Sad? A weird mix of both?!

He had truly never felt this way before, and it was driving him beyond insane. He was so hot and bothered, he could hardly sit still. He wanted to see her again. But how? Should he tell his dad? Even if he did, what would come of it? Then again, there was the possibility he would get in trouble for sneaking out again.

But at the same time, it almost physically hurt to keep it inside. So he got up, took a deep breath, and made his way to the office where his dad often was. He opened the door, and stepped in. 

“Yes”, said Betrayus.

“Dad, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Go on.”

“It’s… a girl.”

Betrayus’ mouth fell open again. He clearly wasn’t expecting to hear this of all things.

“A… girl?” “Yeah.”

“And how did you meet this girl? Did you sneak out again after I specifically told you not to? You know it’s dangerous.”

“Dad-”

“But tell me about this girl. Do you know her name?”

“No…”

“What does she look like?”, Betrayus suddenly asked. 

“Uhhh”, said Pac, confused.

“Answer me.” Bit of a weird question, but Pac complied.

“She’s pink, has black and pink hair… wears red glasses…” He proceeded to describe her to the best of his memory. Betrayus listened intently, nodding on occasion. 

“And you like this girl?”

“Y-yeah…”

“I see. That’s all I need to know. You’re dismissed.”

“Okay?”

Pac left the office, beyond confused now. 

Not even an hour later, Pac was called back into the office. He entered, and froze. There were three people there in addition to him and his dad. Two soldiers, and between them they were holding someone else by the arms who was struggling profusely. It was her.

“Surprise”, said Betrayus proudly. 

Uh oh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, things are certainly about to get interesting...

[talltiny]

I never thought I’d actually reach this point…

I weighed in at my new LW today. 25lbs down, officially. Which is a lot for someone who started in the healthy weight range.

I stepped on the scale in front of my boyfriend. He doesn’t know about my ED, but has noticed my weight loss. When he saw the number for my body fat percentage (fancy scale, I know), he was shocked. He said that number is incredibly low for women, and that I should be careful not to lose any more weight. He’s always liked my slim figure, so hearing him say that surprised me. It was then that I realized I’ve reached the point of regression. I’m not getting prettier, daintier from here. I’m getting sicker. I’m approaching the opposite side of uncanny valley. He ran his hands across my stomach that night, feeling bones that weren’t visible six months ago.

Lately when I visit my family, they ask what I’ve eaten that day. They are gentle and casual about it, but I notice. Even my aunt, a fit and slim personal trainer, wanted to know what my daily meals looked like. It feels like I’m a walking red flag of mental illness at this point. I don’t think they’re doing it out of envy. I had a nervous breakdown on the phone with my mother when I was down in Texas last week, and today I received a “feel better” card from her, with $100 to Trader Joe’s for groceries. I know it’s because I’d had the flu, I know it’s because I absolutely lost my shit in front of her (which I’m still crawling in my skin over), but I know it’s also because my mental illness is becoming visible now.

My regulars at work make mention too. Some of them think I’ve taken up drugs (fair enough, that’s sort of par for the course in my line of work), and some of them think I don’t eat at all. I try to laugh it off and reassure them that it’s just natural — and I suppose that’s not a whole lie. I was an underweight child. When I became a woman, I gained natural weight in the proper areas. I was never fat. But my body didn’t feel like the one I was used to. And now, well, this is natural to me. I wake up thinking of breakfast. I watch cooking channels. I obsess over the idea of food. And I eat, I do. Just enough to survive. That has become my normal.

My thick, curly hair has fallen flat and limp. Rosemary isn’t helping. My already narrow hips now look shrunken in. I have no curves, I joke with my friend that I have the body of a cigarette. And it’s only now, somehow, that I realize it doesn’t matter enough for me to change yet, that I was never doing this for the male gaze. I’m doing it because it comforts me. When all else is going wrong in my life, I have my hollow collarbones, my visible ribs, my thin fingers to remind me that at least I can do something right.

Why did it take me so long to notice this all? I suppose I can’t see straight anymore. When my boyfriend read aloud my body fat percentage, I laughed and said “that can’t be right”, then turned to the mirror and grabbed my stomach. “See?” I pointed, and it dawned on me right as I said it. I wasn’t grabbing fat. I was grabbing skin. My boyfriend beat me to the jump at correcting me. The “rolls” I feel and see aren’t real, and that’s scarier.

[kken-kenn]

• Ashlynn Ella x gn!reader

—————

“That’s what I said! And then the next day, she shows up and does it again!” Ashlynn exclaims, continuing to talk about whatever the conversation topic was about this time with your friends. You though? You didn’t care, you were too happy laying against your girlfriend’s shoulder like you had done since the moment you saw her that morning.

“And people say I’m the one who’s always sleepy!” A commenter speaks up, you open your eyes and see Briar chuckling from behind the back of her hand, “Because you are! But [Name] has been studying for a test all week of course they’re tired!” Ashlynn defends you, while Briar rolls her eyes playfully.

…Ding!

The school bell rings signifying students that breakfast is now over and they must leave the Castleteria to report to their first period of that school day. You whine when Ashlynn gets up, her comforting warmth leaving your body, “C’mon you big baby we have to get to class,” you stand, while Ashlynn intertwines your hand with hers, and walks at a slower pace so as to not rush you.

⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ♡ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅

You sit with the two girls along the back row while they chat about upcoming events; shoe sales, parties, tests, maybe even hangout plans for later, including you of course. “So [Name] what do you think?” Ashlynn looks over at you, wanting to know your opinion. “I think…cuddles,” You wrap your arms around her waist to bring her closer as to hide yourself within the crook of her neck.

“That’s sweet, hon but we need to work, we’re in class now!” She whispers against your ear, “But we’re in the back of Rumplestilskins class, it’s not like he can see us!” You point out, while Both Briar and Ashlynn watch the short man mutter out nonsense from the floor. “They have a point!”

Briar agrees, while placing her pink headphones atop her head to listen to some music. She leans forward in her seat slightly, bobbing her head back and forth to the beat, “You just have a way with words don’t you?” Ashlynn looks down at you, “I’m just tired, the guy’s class is boring, also he’s a terrible person, and an even worse teacher.”

Ashlynn couldn’t disagree with you there, he gave tests for no reason other than he could and he tried to mess up the MirrorNet once. “I guess you laying down wouldn’t hurt,” Ashlynn hugs you the same, being able to lay her head against yours, while she slightly rocks back and forth.

“This is gonna be a long day…” Ashlynn laughs, while wondering all the sorts of things you would do to keep her close.

⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ♡ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅

"Seriously I don’t get why you pick anything over — !“ Apple complains, while you all sit around a table at lunch, you eat your food idly while you listen carefully to what Apple has to say, but are abruptly kicked out of your trance when you feel Ashlynn move over a little, "Why are you moving?”

Ashlynn looks over at you confused, “Well Briar wanted to sit next to — ” She lets out an “eek” when you scoot back, even closer this time. “I don’t care who Briar wants to sit next to, you sit next to me,” You deadpan, while Ashlynn looks at you a little shocked, “Friend wants to sit next to their girlfriend, I respect that.”

Briar sits on your open end, setting down her lunch tray and chatting away with Apple again, “Okay, seriously when did you get so clingy?” Ashlynn giggles, her eyes squinting a little due to how big of a smile had formed across her face. “I’ve always been clingy, you just never noticed Ash.”

You tell her blankly, but nevertheless kiss her cheek sweetly before returning to your food. “A gift of my clinginess,” Ashlynn enjoys the clinginess if it means she’ll be able to get another kiss out of you, “So, does that mean I get another kiss?” Ashlynn flutters her eyelashes, trying to look innocent. “No.”

Ashlynn hits you on the arm, grumpy. “Ow! Hey, it was just a joke!”

—————

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 38

There’s a mental exercise I do randomly on occasion to take stock of any habits I’m trying to build. I used to do this more back when I was younger as a reminder that I’ve grown as an adult. A lot of people within my generation and younger often joke about how adulting is hard, or how we rarely feel like adults. Sometimes, it takes a reminder that we have grown as adults. We are adults.

Not because we the law says we are, or some arbitrary belief society has, but because we’ve grown and take on responsibilities and are able to do things we couldn’t imagine five, ten, or twenty years ago. Sometimes, we began doing those things because ‘adults’ told us we had. Other times, circumstances in life means we had to be responsible, and others sometimes it was just easier to be the one in control?

Anyhow, here is the exercise, and you can do this physically as well with strips of paper and a glass jar. It is, think about, or write down one thing you do now, or a skill you have, that you couldn’t imagine yourself doing when you were a child, teen, young adult, or even a few years ago.

Like you may grumble about not having a choice but to pay your bills, call that repair person to service something that has broken, or even drag your ass out of bed to work. But here is the thing. As a child you wouldn’t have done any of this, not just because it wasn’t your responsibility, but because you didn’t have the skills back then to do it, or the emotional/mental capability to do it because it is the responsible thing to do. Give yourself more credit for doing all those ‘adult’ things, because as well all know they’re hard.

I used to not do well in calling strangers, calling a service provider for any sort, used to leave me emotionally drained. It’s the anxiety I suppose, even back then I had anxiety but not the name of it. These days, calling is my job. Though thankfully not as a telemarketer, it’s a bit easier to be a caller of things when the thing is something people are waiting for and want. But it has helped me in my own personal life to just get my own calls done (when I remember to do so). Sometimes I look back on what I do now and can’t believe it. I was horrible at taking messages as a child (not being able to spell very well made things very difficult and not having the courage to ask again and again for spelling did not help). Now I don’t think about it, normally one wouldn’t think it important because it’s your job, but for someone who couldn’t before that means a lot.

Like I said earlier, I do this with habits too. One of the major habits I’ve been trying to build for years is to eat better. This means specifically (because vague goals are horrible), to eat less sweets and eat more fibre (fruits and veggies). There are times life is hard, like my cat getting sick or me getting sick and I slide back. That can be frustrating when habit building, but you don’t always slide back all the way. I don’t drink soda anymore, and juice is only for very fancy breakfasts on rare occasions. I still very much like milk tea, but I have to go out of my way to buy that so I don’t do that often. Which is impressive, because it’s taken me three or four tries to get rid of that habit. I certainly eat more fruits and vegetables than I did five years ago and way more than I did when I was a university student. And I do that without really thinking now, that part has become a habit. So I’m almost there, and I remind myself that any time I feel like I’m not getting anywhere.

I guess what I’m trying to say is; I know adulthood can be hard. Being responsible is hard, and no matter what people tell you, you’re not going to magically become an adult. It’s going to take time, just take the steps you need, and if you ever think you’re not getting anywhere. Remind yourself, whether in your head or on a piece of paper, of all the things you do now, you couldn’t do before. It’s there, you’re progressing, it’s just going to take a while.

And that’s okay.