#I’ve been told I’m needy and scare people away with my intensity too much

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about feeling too little and too much

“i am either a mighty tsunami or i am a calm ripple in the sea. i am either a blazing wildfire or i am the quick spark of a matchstick. i am either a violent tornado or i am a steady and gentle breeze. i am either a shattering earthquake or i am a small rock, crushed into sand. i am either too much or i am too little.”

I’m on a balance beam of emotions but rather than actually attempting to make it to the end of the beam, I’ve been standing still and refusing to try. Sure, this method prevents me from falling but it also prevents me from reaching the end. I’ve recently been restricting myself from feeling because I’m afraid of having my emotions consume me. Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder tend to feel emotions on an intense level. Anger becomes rage, sadness becomes sorrow, love looks like obsession, joy feels like euphoria. That current emotion takes over your entire being and it truly feels like you’re held captive by your feelings. I’ve been so scared of being trapped on an emotional rollercoaster again that I’ve barred myself from feeling anything at all.

During my last therapy session, my counselor told me that she observes that I’m engaging in emotional bypass but she’s not surprised since I’m a counseling student. I’ve been intellectualizing my feelings and trying terribly hard to convince myself and everyone around me that I’m too cool to experience emotions. As a counseling student with a lived experience, I feel pressured to uphold an extraordinary level of stability and poise. I worry that if I ever feel down, it means that I’m not actually getting better and that I’m not fit to be a counselor. However, I have to remember that I’m a human, first and foremost, and that means that I’m going to feel a wide range of emotions. There’s no shame in being sensitive. 

The masking of my emotions came immediately after exposing a bit of my heart. I was vulnerable in my last three Tosin Talks—I discussed the shame I have about rushing relationships, feeling lonely while needing love, and still experiencing some minor symptoms of BPD. I also revealed certain feelings and shared emotional intimacy with those in my personal life this past month. An alarm went off in my head as if I had bared too much of myself or let people too far into my heart and I went into lockdown as a result. I became too afraid to cry because I didn’t want to be the depressed girl anymore; too afraid to love because I didn’t want to love too hard and be abandoned; too afraid to have needs because I didn’t want to be seen as needy or too much to care for; too afraid to be happy and hopeful because I didn’t want to eventually be heartbroken.

I’m going to experience those feelings whether I want to, expect them, allow them or not. To still maintain some level of control of my emotions, I try to feel them as they come. I try not stuff them all into a box until it finally explodes. I learned the hard way that avoiding emotions altogether will only bring a flooding of feelings. I thought the way to balance my intense feelings was to not feel at all but what I truly needed to do was to experience and validate my emotions in the moment. And honestly, it’s really not that bad to have an emotional breakdown every once in a while, as long as I’m keeping myself safe and utilizing healthy resources and coping skills. It’s okay to be affected by others, to feel emotions and respond from the heart, to have needs and vocalize them. Feel bliss, heartbreak, passion, gloom, peace, worry, yearning, and everything else in the emotions archive—it is your right as a human to feel and you shouldn’t take that away from yourself.

Background music by Arcane Beats

[kmorales1]

Office Affairs

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: Explicit (Anyone under 18, go away, thanks.)

Warnings: Uh, unprotected sex(this is fiction please wrap it before you tap it), i'm bad at this. One(1) mention of spit(whoops).

A note: Hey, so I wrote this in an hour and (maybe) a half. This entire thing is purely based off my intense yearning for Javi the past few days(more like weeks). Also he's incredibly hard to write for so I hope I was able to capture his character. This is also my first time writing smut, let alone posting it. Be gentle with your critics lmao. It might not be entirely cohesive but I tried really hard but anyway this is what my brain popped out.

Javier Peña is the type of guy to take you home for a quick fuck, cuddle you like he’s in love with you, and then leave an hour later without barely a glance in your direction. You know this, you’d heard the whispers about him in the embassy when you were making your way to the filing room, or to the break room for your afternoon lunch.

And you believed them.

The first night Javier took you home you were 99% sure that you’d get the best fuck of your life out of him and then he’d be gone before you could even ask him to stay the night. And let’s be honest you wanted him to stay the night. To feel him pressed against you, his broad chest against your back, his breath fanning over the back of your neck. God, you yearned for that man. Or maybe just a man, it’d been a while.

You weren’t entirely wrong though, you did get the best fuck of your life out of him, but you also found the Javier that was sprawled in your bed, a lit cigarette between his lips, wasn’t the same man he was in the daylight of the office.

He was quieter, soft spoken, almost open.

The first few times he had stayed for a bit after to lay pressed beside you talking about work and you had even managed to pull a few details about his life back home. A few. But those few details only left you craving more, and who could blame you. He was intoxicating. You hadn’t been expecting it and now that you saw it, you wanted more.

“You know, you’re different like this.”

You had practically whispered the words to him, a little scared you might somehow push him back into the person he was in the light of day. But he only offered you something almost like a smile and leaned forward to press his lips to yours.

“I think, maybe i’m just different with you.”

He didn’t elaborate or say anything more, and you didn’t say anything in response. Cause what could you say? He’d pressed you open into the mattress a few minutes later his head between your thighs. Taking you apart slowly whispering filthy things as he brought you over the edge.

Your heart clenched as he laid his head on your thigh afterwards, his hair an unruly mess.

You wanted him like this all the time.

You weren’t naïve,though. So you didn’t think much of the way he laid beside you, or the things he said to you. He could feed any pretty woman words to make them feel special, and no matter how much you wanted to be different, something told you weren’t.

That became apparent when you started seeing less of Javier and hearing more about his informants and the other women he would bring home some nights. You weren’t mad, nor jealous, but you weren’t exactly fine either.

Coming home from a late night at work you had passed him and who you assumed was one of those said people that were whispered about. She was laughing at something, his arm locked tight around her waist guiding her down the hall. His face didn’t match hers but he certainly didn’t look unhappy, and when you crossed their path trying hurriedly to get into your apartment before seeing something you didn’t want to, he barely spared you a side glance.

Fine.

You stopped giving him the attention he silently would ask for in the daytime. His gaze burning hot on your body as you silently sipped your tea in the corner of the break room. Or the way he would brush your shoulder as he passed your desk. It’s almost laughable how he could seemingly seek your attention out one minute and then act like you didn’t exist the next. You didn’t play into it and things were fine.

Until they weren’t.

“You’re ignoring me, princesa.”

He’s got you cornered in the filing room his broad form practically towering over you. This is the closest you’ve been to him since you’d seen him that night, or the occasional time he would purposeful bump into you in the office.

“Hello Javi,” You barely managed to hold onto the papers in your hands. His close proximity to you slightly knocking you off center. You weren’t entirely lying when you said things were fine, but him being so close and the smell of him nearly overpowering was reminding you of the parts that were exactly not fine.

“I’m sorry i’ve been so busy.”

That’s a lie. You know it’s a lie, he knows it’s a lie. Things had been incredibly slow the past couple of weeks. Pablo in hiding from a recent raid that hit a little too close to home.

“I think we both know that’s a lie,”

And oh, is his voice a little breathier.

You curse yourself quietly, because you’re supposed to be putting this behind you. This man only sought you out when he felt like it when he was bored. But the way he’s pressed so close to you, if you just leaned forward a tiny bit. His eyes are skimming over your face, like he’s taking in the changes he’s missed in the past few weeks he hasn’t seen you.

There’s a tilt of his head and a small push forward and his lips are a near inch away from yours.

“Don’t you miss me, baby?”

Your knees nearly buckle.

He called you that exactly one time before. A rough raid with Carrillo had him stumbling into your apartment at nearly 1 am, luckily you had just gotten home from work and were still awake. His shirt was damp with sweat, the color of it slightly darker than the original pink, a stray mark of blood on his face- you later found out wasn’t his. He’d been needy, the way he had pressed you into the counter in your kitchen, fucked you within an inch of your life it felt like. Growling filthy things into your ear, praising you, before pulling you roughly to the floor(his back didn’t forgive him for days after that) and sliding you onto him. You’d rode him hard and fast nearly sobbing your release. He’d came up to cradle you to him. Whispering baby and your name reverently into your hair. You didn’t talk about it, what had made him so frantic. You had to practically peel yourself away from him and when you did it had broken the spell. He was up, fixing his jeans, kissing your forehead and then he was gone out the door before you could even get words out.

Javier whispering your name brings you back to the present, his eyes are locked on your lips and fuck-

Your fingers are dropping the papers and urgently sliding up his back to curl in his hair, pulling him the last bit of distance to bring his mouth to yours.

You’ll tell him later that you don’t forgive him for that debacle with the woman he brought home with him and you’ll also tell him the other things that have been pent up for the past almost month. And if he doesn’t like it oh well, but god right now all you want is to be fucked by this infuriating man.

“Javi-“

Your plea is broken as his tongue swipes the inside of your mouth his hands holding firmly to your hips.

“Javi please”

He shushes you, his leg coming to press between your thighs, right against where you want him the most and you nearly keen at the relief it gives. His thigh flexes and applies just the pressure to send your hips sliding forward.

“Quiet, princesa you don’t want anyone to hear,”

Oh fuck. You’re at work right now. You’re at work fuck. You’re at work. You remind yourself again.

One more time you’re at work-

But no one really comes back here. (that’s a lie)

His hands are guiding your hips roughly, and you’re practically riding his thigh. The feeling is too much and not enough all at once.

“Anything, Javi please.”

You’re breathless whimper has him growling under his breath as he pushes you deeper into the cabinets. His hands tear your skirt out of the way, pushing your panties aside before dipping his fingers into your center.

“Baby, fuck you’re so wet,”

His fingers leave you momentarily to slide into his mouth. The hum that leaves him is enough to push a wave of slick out of you, and you eagerly grip any part of him you can reach.

“Is this for me? You have missed me,”

The smug look on his face makes you want to roll your eyes, and you would if he wasn’t currently sliding his fingers back into you and curling them just like that-

“Fuck! Javi,”

The hand that is grasping your hips leaves to hurriedly slap a hand over your mouth. His eyes are burning into yours his teeth bared slightly.

“I said quiet, do you want our coworkers seeing how much a slut you are for me?”

He licks a line up the side of your neck before coming to suckle and bite lightly on your ear.

“Youd like it wouldn’t you?”

You’re practically dripping at his words, the squelching noise from his fingers fucking into you roughly is nearly obscene. You’re so close you could cry, if he could just give a little more.

“More,”

It’s a desperate plea for anything and it’s slightly muffled by his hand but he gets the message. His hand drops and you’re caught off guard by him roughly undoing his belt and pushing his pants down enough for his cock to spring free.

You nearly moan at the sight, long and thick with precum gathering at the tip. Fuck it’s been so long you want to taste. But he’s got you shoved back up against the nearest filing cabinet, his hand back over your mouth as he nudges his cock against your clit.

You keen at the slight pressure it gives before you jerk at the feeling of him sliding into you fully his hips flush to yours.

“Fuck, hermosa,” his teeth are clenched tight the cords of his neck strained as he whispers praises into your ear.

"Baby you’re so tight, missed you.”

You don’t even have time to process the last part before he’s almost urgently pulling out to slam back in. You want to worry about the noises that are being made but just as the thought comes in it’s gone. He’s fucking into you hard, his hand still covering your mouth tightly, trying hard to mask the moans that are escaping you. The slight jingle of his belt buckle as he roughly pounds into you shouldn’t be as erotic as it is. His head is pressed to your shoulder and you can feel the air from his mouth as he pants.

You’re so close you can practically feel yourself dripping down your thighs. One of your hands is curled tightly in his hair and the other snakes down your body to rub between your clit. Your breath is coming out harsh from your nose meeting the warm skin of his hand and god the thought of his hand over your mouth as he fucks you is so much you think you might come now.

But then his hand slips away and he’s sliding it in your hair to tilt your head back. Baring his teeth he gives one particularly hard thrust before demanding.

“Open.”

Immediately your mouth snaps open and he spits.

"Fucking swallow it."

You do, quickly before you lift eagerly to meet his mouth, teeth clinking harshly.

“Javi i’m gonna come-“

He’s pulling back, whispering urgently in your ear .

"Do it baby, do it now. Cum for me."

You’re pushing to meet his thrusts hurriedly chasing the orgasm you feel tightening in your stomach.

“I said now,” The harshness in his voice sends you reeling. You keen, a little too loudly to be in your office building, the thread snapping as you tumble over the edge. Your cunt clenching hard around him. Somewhere through the haze you feel Javier bite roughly into your shoulder and his cock jerk inside of you as he cums.

His hands are sliding around you to pull you into him his face meeting your neck as he pants, his cock softening inside of you. There’s a pleasant sounding hum from him as you card your fingers through his hair your nails scratching lazily at his scalp. The room is humid and sticky you suddenly come back to yourself, sinking down from your post orgasm high.

“Javier,”

The change in your voice has him pulling back to look at you before his eyes widen in understanding.

Yes, basking in the after sex glow isn’t the best idea at the moment.

“We can talk after work okay?”

There’s a nod from him before he’s sliding out of you with a hiss and tucking himself back into his jeans. And there’s a lot to talk about, he isn’t off the hook, and you’ve got to think it over because you know you have technically no right to even be upset.

You’re adjusting your skirt when you feel him cup your cheek.

“I really did miss you.”

Its said quietly, almost like it’s a secret.

And momentarily, you forget everything you need to be confused about with him.

"I missed you too."

[donutloverxo]

Messed up

*gif is not mine*

Kinktober day 5 - face sitting

Note - This is a sequel to past self. But can be read as a stand alone as well I think. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers.

Summary - Steve messed up and he's determined to make it upto you.

Warnings - 18+ only please, smut (m/f), daddy kink, age gap.

Pairing - Nomad!Steve Rogers x reader

Word count - 3.4k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

“No.”

“Please?”

“Absolutely not.”

You weren’t used to being told no, at least not after you used your secret weapon, if he was anything like his best pal it has to work. Blinking and fluttering your lashes you broke out your Disney princess eyes, “Buck buck, please let me braid your hair,” you cooed.

He stared at you, his lips pressed in a thin line, “Fine,” he sighed finally, giving in.

You squealed, running off to your bedroom to get a brush.

“I remember I used to braid my friends hair at sleepovers, it was such fun,” you said, dividing a strand of his hair in three parts, one over the other, “Before I got my powers anyway, after that they’d all just be scared of me...” you trailed off.

“Steve’s excited to see you,” he told you after a beat of silence.

He had only been living with you for a week or so, it was surprising how close he already felt to you. You had a certain vulnerability that made him want to protect you. That and it was obvious how far gone Steve was for you. You were down so he had to say something to cheer you up.

“Wait what?” your hands stopped, “He’s coming here?”

“Yeah, he left yesterday. Should be here this evening. He wanted it to be a surprise.”

You took a sharp breath, remembering how he had so cruelly rejected you and sent you off to Wakanda just so he wouldn’t have to deal with you.

He abandoned you.

“I don’t want to meet him. I’ll stay over at Shuri’s, she wanted to have a girls night anyway,” you grumbled.

After you had gushed your love for them, baking brownies in your jammies and talking about boys while watching chick flicks, she seemed curious and fascinated, wanting to try one with you.

He hummed at that. He knew something had went down between the two of you, Steve said so himself, ‘I have a lot to make up for.’ He was curious as to how his clueless friend had messed up, but it wasn’t his place to ask.

Which is why he brought Steve to the cottage he shared with you. Listening to him talking about all the missions in Europe and Russia, how he was excited to see you, how he had missed him terribly. Bucky told him he spends his time taking care of his new goat and his beautiful cat. They often keep him occupied.

“Y/N said that I’m ‘totally a cat person’,” his lips curling up at how you had helped him pick a name for her.

“Hm, that’s true. Are you... you live with her... are you two close?” Steve stumbled over his words, his jaw clenching as he stared his dear friend down. He was more than happy to see him, but couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy at the thought of you getting too cosy with him.

“In a way,” he smirked. “She’s a bit upset with you, just a heads up.”

“Yeah, I know, I deserve it,” he hung his head.

His palms shaky as they both entered the small cottage, going over what he would say to you. You were sitting on the couch in the, your feet propped up on it as you flipped through a magazine.

“You’re home early,” you smiled as you looked up at him. Your sweet smile turning into a frown when you saw him.

“Hey there, doll,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

You slapped the magazine on the couch, standing to your feet, your arms over your chest. “Captain,” you spat

His heart ached at that. He knew you were upset but to have you be so hostile to him, he didn’t know if he could take it.

He could easy handle being tortured by hydra agents but not this.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Bucky interrupted you both before taking off to find his cat, who knew where Alpine had wandered off to this time.

You both stood awkwardly, a few feet away from each other while you looked anywhere but his eyes, refusing to even look at him.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Fine, I guess,” you mumbled, finally looking up, “as fine as I can be after being shrugged off like yesterday’s news.”

“Honey,” he took a step towards you but then stopped in his tracks when you backed away. “I’m sorry, I made a terrible mistake. I.. just couldn’t deal with my feelings, I thought I’d be taking advantage of you.”

You scoffed, “Taking advantage of me? Really? I’m not a child! I can decide for myself what’s good for me and what’s not.”

“I know that now. But... you’re so young and I’m supposed to be looking out for you and helping you,” he tried to reason with you while you shook your head in disbelief.

“Right, because you’re Captain America. Everyone should just do whatever you say. You always know what’s best, unlike us mere mortals,” you rolled your eyes.

He was in front of you in just two long strides, his brows furrowed and his patience running thin. “I’m not Captain America anymore,” he reminded you as he inhaled your soothing scent.

“You’ll always be Captain America he’s a part of you. And I’ll... never be good enough for you.” You stared at the henley stretched out over his broad chest, willing yourself to resist the urge to hug him. Him standing so close to you, you could inhale his unique scent you had grown to love so much.

“What?” he frowned. “Where did you get that idea?” It was absolutely ludicrous. He would have to pay a visit to whoever it was that said that to you.

“It’s the truth... that’s why you don’t want me. And I don’t blame you.” Why would someone like him be interested in you anyway.

“Doll,” he cupped your cheeks, tilting you’d head up to make you look at him, “I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you. I mean look at me.”

You arched a brow, giving him a once over before looking at his blue orbs again, his strong jaw covered in a thick beard, long locks that feel so silky in your hands, “You look like you belong on the cover of GQ, and before you have to ask, I’ll spell it out for you, since you’re like a thousand years old - GQs a magazine with pretty people on it.”

“I didn’t always look like this. I used to be very small, smaller than you.”

“Yeah, I know,” you smiled. “I’ve seen pictures, you were adorable.”

“Would you believe me if I told you a secret?”

“Yeah...” you’d believe him if he told you the sky was falling. Steve never lied.

“I love you,” he confessed as your jaw dropped, “I’ve loved you since the moment I met you. And I might not deserve you but if you consider me worthy of you, then I’d... like to have you.”

Your breath hitched as you stared at him, completely dumbfounded. “Wh - really? Nobody’s ever said that to me,” you blinked as tears started welling up in your eyes.

“I love you more than life itself. And I have a feeling that we will end up together,” he grinned.

“Well, don’t get too cocky now, I haven’t said yes yet,” you slapped his chest.

He grazed his fingers over your knuckles before holding your smaller hand in his, “So? What do you think?”

“I think... if you hurt me again I’ll punch you so hard. And my punches are much better now, thanks to Bucky, he’s been teaching me lots of stuff.”

“Never,” he shook his head, “I’d never hurt you. You’re so precious,” he kissed your knuckles.

“And you’d never leave me again,” you wanted it to be a fierce demand but your pout made it more of a needy request.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again. We’re partners. Captain America is gone. It’s just you and me now,” he promised.

You blinked your tears away, standing on your tippy toes to place a lingering kiss to his soft plump lips.

Smiling as you pulled away, you grabbed his hand, leading him to your bedroom.

“Where are we going, doll?” he chuckled, holding onto your hips and pulling your back against his chest, attacking your neck with a flurry of kisses, unable to keep his hands off of you for even a moment.

Your squirmed in his hold, “To the bedroom. Just in case Bucky comes back,” you let out a giggle when he blew a raspberry in the crook of your neck, which then quickly turned into a moan as he sucked a mark on it.

Somehow, you managed to drag him to your small bedroom, if he had his way you’d have fucked in the hallway.

Straddling his lap on your twin bed, which looked much smaller now, what with a super soldier on top of it.

Kissing him deeply, you pulled away, breathless but only to say, “I love you, too, this is just too good to be true,” you heaved.

“A lot of unbelievable things have been happening to me lately,” he pulled you back, groaning into your mouth as you rolled your hips against his crotch. Looking at you sternly, “Doll,” he warned you.

“Please,” you whined, humping his growing erection through his jeans and your thin shorts, you could feel your panties getting wet with your arousal. “I want you, so bad,” you kept rolling your hips till he stopped you by digging his fingers in them.

“This is not how it’s done... I’m supposed to take you out on dates and buy you flowers and chocolates - ” he choked on a moan as you palmed him through his pants.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” he gritted, snaking his fingers in your short shorts, he brushed his fingers over your weeping folds. “You want me?” he asked as you desperately nodded your head. “What do you want, sweetheart?”

You gulped, looking into his eyes and opening your mouth to answer him, his intense gaze intimidating you as you hid your face in his neck, “You know...”

“What?” he asked again, “I’m like over a thousand years old, I’m rusty, you have to tell me,” he teased you, swirling your juices around on your soft petals.

He wasn’t rusty. He had been with 'you' just a week ago, only it wasn’t you. This would be your first time with him but not his with you. It was still strange, he couldn’t really wrap his head around it or bring himself to care.

“I want you... to.. to make love to me,” you said.

“You know I would never say no to you, sweetheart,” he kissed your hair, retracting his hand from your shorts he sucks your juices off his fingers, you taste the same.

You helped him as he rolled your shorts and your panties down your legs, pulling your tank top up and tossing it away. You fumbled, making yourself small and covering yourself up with your arms. But he wasn’t having any of it, he pinned your hands behind your back, latching onto your nipple.

“I’m...,” you gasped as he bit your hardened bud, bunching his henley up in your hand, “you’re wearing too making clothes,” you complained.

“Then why don’t you help me take them off, doll?”

Your eager hands pulled him out his pesky clothes, hiding his magnificent physique from you. You had seen him shirtless a handful of times, while dressing his wounds, but you always stared at him in awe. He did look like he was made in a laboratory.

You knelt before him, between his legs, eager to find out if he tastes as good as he looks.

He tried to stop you but you swatted his hands away, “You’ll hurt your knees, doll,” he reasoned.

You snorted, wrapping your hand around his thick girth, “I thought we were partners. I won’t have you treat me like I’m some damsel in distress again.”

He pouted, pulling at your kiss swollen bottom lip with his thumb, “That’s too bad because I’m always going to take care of you, especially now that I’m your man.”

You rolled your eyes, he really was getting ahead of himself, he’ll have to do a lot more to prove himself before you accept him as ‘your man’.

But you decide to let that go for now, instead focusing on his cock glistening with precum, peaking your tongue out to taste some of it and swirling your tongue around on his bulbous head.

“Don’t tease, doll,” he groaned, holding onto the back of your head, not really pushing but to urge you to take more of him because he was at the end of his rope, feeling as if he’d burst right there.

You pushed away at his hand, “I’m in control,” you stated, “no touching till I say so. Is that understood?”

He didn’t care, he just wanted you to stop your cruelty and put your mouth on him so he simply nodded, not knowing if he could actually keep the promise.

With a victorious smile you wrapped your mouth around his head, leisurely sucking on it, moaning at the taste of him before taking in as much as you could, pumping the rest of his length, fondling his balls with the other hand.

He was about to touch your perky breasts, but then remembered your ridiculous ‘no touching' rule so he ran a hand through his head hair, wiping the sheen of sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

“God that mouth of yours,” he growled when you pulled him out with a loud ‘pop’.

A string of saliva connecting your lips to him, “I want you to come in my mouth,” you instructed.

“You want to swallow daddys cum?” he couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the incredulous look on his face.

“Who would’ve known... Steven 'golden boy’ Rogers, of all people...” you shook your head, a small smile on your face as you thought about the times you had called him that in your head while rubbing one out to the thought of him.

You pressed your lips to the vein on the underside of his cock, sucking on it, “You’re going to come in my mouth, daddy, and stay there until I swallow all of it,” you told him, if only to remind him that you were in control, even if he ‘convinced' you to call him that.

You lightly scraped your teeth over his length before swallowing around him, gagging a bit as you tried to take more of him, but it seemed impossible to fit him whole no matter how hard your tried.

“I’ll try,” he teased, releasing a shaky exhale, his balls tightening in your palm as he held onto the sheets, painting the back of your throat with ropes of his spend.

You swallowed all of him, suckling on his length till you felt him softening in your mouth, you opened your mouth to show him, “Told you I’d swallow it all,” you licked your lips, just in case you missed anything.

“You’re such a good girl.” He praised, cupping your head and leaning down to kiss you, tasting himself on your lips. Easily picking you up and flipping you so that you were on your back, he spread your thighs, licking his lips as he caught a glimpse of your cunt. “What do you want to do now, sweetheart?” he asked again.

You whimpered, mumbling nonsense but you knew, once Steve set his mind to something it was impossible to convince him otherwise. He was really gonna make you say it out loud. “I want your mouth on me,” you turned your head to the side, shutting your eyes, completely flustered.

He dove in for his prize, giving your bundle of nerves a soft kiss before smearing your juices around your cunt with his fingers, prodding one at your entrance he plunged it in, your walls hugging it so wonderfully, “You’re so tight, all for me...” he blew a breath of air on it, kissing the soft patch of hair on top of your mould.

You were much too delirious to think of anything but his fingers teasing you, his lips pressing butterfly kisses to your thighs, his hands massaging your titts, but you vaguely heard him call out your name.

“What?” you rasped, propping yourself up on your elbows.

“Come, sit on my face. You said you wanted to be in control,” he shrugged.

“Wh - what... do you even know how that works?” you heaved. You had never done something like that before, while it sounds enticing, it would be impractical... maybe...

“I thought they had like two sex positions in the forties. The missionary, and uh...”

He shushed you, “I’ve never been a prude, you should know that by now,” lying on his back, he felt his dick hardening again and aching for any kind of attention from you, but he’d have to take care of you first.

“Come here...” He held onto your hips, pulling you up till you were over his mouth, “Take what you need, doll.”

You hummed, running your drenched pussy over his face, a shiver went up your spine at the feel of his coarse bread on your sensitive skin, “I can’t,” you mewled.

“Yes, you can, doll. Come on, be good for your daddy,” he spurred you on.

Taking a deep breath, you held onto the headboard, arching your back as he wrapped his mouth around your bundle of nerves, you started grinding your hips over him, soon getting accustomed and even liking the burn his glorious beard gave you.

“I’m gonna... come, daddy,” your voice breathy, your hand massaging your breast as you gushed around his beard.

You held onto the board, trying to catch your breath, your other hand in his long locks as he kept lapping you up.

You shuddered as you crawled down his body, hovering over his hard cock which was pressing against his taut stomach. You spread your lips with your fingers, peaking up to see him looking at you with dark, lust ridden eyes, coating him in your juices by running your clit up and down his length.

It was too much for your sensitive clit to be rubbing against the velvety skin of his cock but not nearly enough for him.

He digs his nails into your hips, growling, “Get on with it,” he held onto the base of his length, nudging your lips aside before plunging into your heat.

“Oh,” you gulped, trying to sink your hips down on him but even after all that preparation he was too big for you.

“You’re so small, doll,” he smiled, noticing your evident struggle as he caressed your cheek, his eyes fixed on you trying to take him in, “is it too hard?”

You nodded, “I can still do it though,” still so eager to please him...

“You don’t have to. You’ve done so much already, you must be tired.”

You opened your mouth, to argue that he was the one who had taken a long journey to get here, but he circled a hand around your waist, bringing you down, flush against his chest.

“You just lay there and let me do the work, okay, sweetheart?” you whimpered but nodded with your cheek pressed to his heart as he thrusted deep into you.

“Okay, daddy, I’ll try,” you murmured, tears streaming down your cheek when he brushed against your sweet spot.

He stopped his hips when he heard you son, “You all right, doll?” he asked, looking down at you.

“Yes, it’s just so good, please don’t stop,” you requested.

And he had promised to never say no to you so he kept fucking up into your tight hole, whispering sweet words to you, telling you just how good you were at taking him, how well you were doing.

“My one and only,” he kissed your head as you cried into his chest, clenching around his cock. Triggering his own climax as he came inside you, staying inside you even after he was done.

Content with knowing that you’ll be his forever.

As long as he doesn’t fuck up again...

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to join the taglist.

I guess that was cheating because the face sitting was just a small part of it😅😅 But I hope you still liked it! Comments and reblogs are really appreciated💖💖 I'll try to write one more part with jealous endgame!Steve.

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

[little-diable]

Coffeeshop - Spencer Reid (smut)

I don’t like writing fluff, but I truly love this imagine. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Spencer can’t help but fall for the owner of his favorite coffeeshop 

Warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex, choking, dom!Spencer

Pairing: Spencer Reidxfem!reader (roughly 2.4k words)

The sweet scent filled Spencer with comfort, his eyes fell shut for just a second, welcoming the familiar sensation. By now it was part of his daily routine, he’d visit the shop after a tiring day at the BAU, desperate for another cup of sweet coffee and finally some silence to read his new book at peace.

No matter how many people would visit the shop throughout the day the scent of her perfume would still linger in the air as he’d step inside, way past after midnight. Deep down it felt as if he was coming home, stepping into his apartment, a place where he could truly be himself without worrying about other people and their opinions. She made him feel safe, accepted.

He had met the owner of the shop 47 days ago, it had been cold outside, way too cold for his linking, leaving Spencer shivering and bothered, searching for a drink to warm himself up. 

(Y/n)’s cafe had been within reach, welcoming him in as the snow danced in the air. Forever he would remember the smile she had worn on her lips, the twinkling of her (y/e/c) eyes as he stumbled upon his words, distracted by her beauty.

“A-a black coffee, with,” another deep breath spilled from his chapped lips, gaze switching between hers and his trembling hands, she wouldn’t need to be a profiler to tell that he was nervous, “with a lot of sugar, please.” 

A lot? Spencer cursed himself for giving her such a vague order, though the second he tasted the coffee he was sure that she was the one. Nobody had ever managed to prepare such a delicious coffee.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but I’m closing.” Her soft voice rang in his ears, his heart pounded in his ribcage, “of course, I’m sorry.” Spencer packed his bag, jaw clenched, he wanted to ask for her name, for her number, already imagining their first date. 

He had always been impatient, way too impatient for his own good. “I’m (y/n).” As if she could read his thoughts she had mumbled her name, reaching her hand out for him to take.

His mind screamed for him to take a step back, calculating the amount of germs on her hand, overthinking the small gesture. Though his heart encouraged him to take her hand, to feel her soft, warm skin against his. Her scent would stick to him for days. 

“Spencer,” his hand tingled, he never wanted to let go of her, wanted to pull her down besides him, talking all through the night, getting to know the calm, sweet girl.

That night had been the beginning of a wonderful routine, by now she’d wait for him, even way past her closing time. Patiently she’d prepare his coffee as he would enter the shop, looking as exhausted as ever. (Y/n) would pull him in for a hug, still not knowing anything about his fear of germs, she’d sit down next to him, with her own cup of coffee and a book she was currently reading.

There were nights where they’d barely share a word, basking in each other's company, there was no need for words, no need for mindless smalltalk, they just needed each other. But there were nights where Spencer would ramble about facts and statistics, wooing her without even noticing, too oblivious to notice her burning cheeks, the way she’d fiddle with her book, hands trembling from the rapid beating of her heart.

“Here you go, sugar with a few drops of coffee,” his laughter reverberated through the empty shop, her fingers brushed along his, tightly grasping the hot cup. It had been a tiring case, forcing Spencer to follow the team to another city, hundreds of miles away from (y/n) and their small bubble of happiness. 

“I’ve missed you.” She nudged his side with her shoulder, shuffling closer to the tall, awkward man. “I’m sorry, it took longer than expected to find the unsub.” Last week he had finally told her about his profession. Instantly (y/n) had been hooked, asking one question after another, excited to hear more about Spencer Reid’s job at the FBI.

“I can’t give you any details.” His voice trembled, growing more quiet with every passing moment, scared that he’d share any classified information. “Don’t worry about it, tell me about your team.” 

She had her knees bent, arms slung around them, pressing her thighs closer against her chest. (Y/n) found herself getting lost in his eyes, she had fallen for him from the first day on, there had been something about Spencer that had lured her in, leaving her breathless as she’d think about him.

“You’re not even listening.” Spencer chuckled, taking another sip off his coffee, wondering if he was boring her with his stories and details, he had never been an expert in talking to women, especially those who were as gorgeous as (y/n).

“Here,” (y/n) pressed a small piece of paper into his palm, she had scribbled her phone number onto it days ago, “if you want to, we could meet up outside of here.” She didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, though she couldn’t stop thinking about him, she needed to be selfish every now and then, taking her chances with the handsome man.

Before Spencer could stop himself a few words stumbled out of him, “we could go on a date now? If you’re not too tired.” A date? He wanted to row back, sure that he had just embarrassed himself, messing up his only chance of being with a woman that perfect. “Are you hungry? I could cook something for us?” She rose from her seat, “Give me a few minutes.”

No words left him as he watched her, his mind was working on overdrive, calculating all the different outcomes of this very evening. He felt excited, though strangely calm, as if they had been on numerous dates before, nothing to worry about. “Ready?” (Y/n) took his hand, fingers interlaced, welcoming the warm sensation, skin littered with goosebumps.

The chilly december air engulfed them, instinctively he pulled her closer, smiling down at the woman he had dreamt about for the past nights. He could only focus on her scent, the sweet perfume that had stuck to him from the first day on. Spencer tried to keep quiet, knowing that as soon as he’d part his lips random facts and statistics would leave him, showering her with confusing information.

“Here we are,” she pulled him into her apartment, giving Spencer some space to explore her four walls, studying every little detail, engraving it into his memory. “Dr. who?” He pointed towards a small mug she had left on her table, long forgotten from a hectic morning, “mhm, I’m quite the fan.”

He was sure that he’d never love somebody as much as he loved her.

Spencer could only smile at her, following (y/n) into her small kitchen. “You up for some pasta?” She didn’t feel his intense gaze on her, didn’t notice how his eyes wandered up and down her frame, body screaming to tug her close, to finally kiss her like he had done too many times to count in his dreams. “Spencer?” Her voice ripped him out of his trance, cheeks blushing as he mumbled a small “yes”, helping (y/n) with the ingredients.

Soft music was filling the apartment, they bumped into one another every now and then, bodies tingling in excitement. She couldn’t force her eyes off him, she had been waiting for this moment for way too long, couldn’t back down now. Wordlessly she pulled him closer, small of her back pressed against her kitchen island, arms finding their way around his neck, fingers toying with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

His breath hitched in his chest, hands firmly placed on her hips, not giving her a chance to move away from him. There never had been a moment before where his mind would shut down, but now complete silence echoed in his head, no worries, no numbers clouding his thoughts, just the pure imagination of her.

Both moved at the same time, lips meeting halfway. All those cliché, romantic novels finally made sense to Spencer. He had never understood the metaphor of “fireworks going off in the distance” but now, with his lips moving in sync with (y/n)’s he could feel all the fireworks, could almost smell the smoke, could almost hear the explosions in the dark sky as their bodies melted together.

(Y/n) clung to him, a squeal bubbled out of her as he picked her up and placed her on top of the island, legs wrapped around his waist. The kiss grew more heated, more passionate, emotions got shared, feelings both didn’t find the proper words to. Spencer gave her a few seconds to catch her breath, lips exploring her throat, hands disappearing underneath her shirt, tracing her soft skin.

“Bedroom,” her hoarse voice left his length twitching, uncomfortably pressed against the zipper of his trousers, “What about the pasta?” Her laugh rumbled through him, having an addicting effect to it, chuckles bubbled out of him, forehead falling against hers. “Fuck the pasta.”

Seconds later they found themselves in her dark bedroom, bodies pressed against one another, skin heating up with every shared kiss. “Let me touch you, please.” Spencer toyed with the buttons of her jeans, waiting for (y/n) to give him any sign, any reassurance that she truly wanted this. “Do it Spencer, touch me.”

The nervous feeling seemed to let go of him, encouraging him to go on. His hands hastily undressed her, ripping the layers of clothes off her body, eyes fixated on her dripping core, the pulsing clit that ached for his touch. 

“Tell me, if I hurt you,” She couldn’t reply, mouth ripped open by a powerful moan, he had his lips wrapped around her clit, sucking her skin dry, cleaning her arousal off her. Needy whimpers filled the room, she was sure that she’d cum way too soon, though she couldn’t overthink her movements, mind tracing back to his touch.

His loose curls ticked her inner thighs, he had his mesmerizing eyes closed, indulging in her taste. His tongue brushed through her folds, filling her body with a new found confidence, fingers tangled in his dark hair, guiding him through the dark. “Fuck, you’re so good at this.” Her pants spurred him on, thumb adding more pressure to her clit, teasing the pulsing bundle of nerves.

“I got you love, cum for me.” She arched her back off the bed, moaning his name as a powerful wave of lust, of adrenaline and love crashed upon her, pulling her underwater, letting her drown in Spencer and his touch. 

“You’re so beautiful,” He tried to ignore his rock hard bulge, wanting to pleasure her with everything he had, selfless as always. “Spencer,” his name rolled off her tongue, followed by a deep exhaled, “fuck me.”

He studied her for a moment, profiling the panting girl, though the hungry look in her eyes gave him the final push, roughly pinning her back down onto the mattress. “You feel that?” Spencer ground his bulge against her naked folds, arousal staining his trousers, “This is what you do to me.”

A rough kiss was shared between them, he let go of her, giving her trembling hands the opportunity to undress him. She traced along his chest, down to his throbbing bulge, pumping him a few times before he slapped her hand away. “Condom?” (Y/n) connected their lips once again, “I’m on the pill, I trust you.” An animalistic growl slipped out of him, hand finding her throat, squeezing just enough to make her eyes roll back into her head.

“You’re mine (y/n), I hope you know that.” With one forceful thrust he ripped her open, walls painfully trying to adjust to his length, fluttering around him. She felt tight, tighter than any woman he had ever been with. 

Like a drug she forced herself into his system, leaving him hungry for more, Spencer was sure that he’d never be able to let go of her, to forget about her, he didn’t need to have an eidetic memory to remember all of (y/n).

His hips met hers with every bruising thrust of him, hand leaving marks on her throat, a souvenir for lonely nights. “Tell me how it feels, tell me (y/n).” With her eyes squeezed shut, with her fingernails pierced into his shoulders she whispered a small “so good”, not able to say anything else. Her lungs were burning, just as her walls, struggling to keep going with his rough ways.

It- he felt too good to be true, everything Spencer did left her hungry for more, obsessed with the pain that flooded through her veins. Small, satisfying grunts left him, “I’m so close.” She could feel her orgasm slowly creeping closer, leaving her sobbing and moaning, more powerful than any orgasm had ever been. “Touch yourself, love.” His gaze followed her hands, thumb rubbing her clit, in sync with the speed of his ferocious thrusts.

“Scream my name,” his breath crashed against her lips, his speed began to falter, he’d follow her down the edge, would release himself into her heat any moment now. “Oh fuck Spencer,” her body shook, mind hazy from the lust that left her breathless. Her bed moved with his thrusts, crashing against the wall as he gave it one last push, heat filling her, prolonging her orgasm.

“I’m really glad you came into my shop that day,” she turned towards him, giggling as Spencer pulled (y/n) into his sweaty chest, arms wrapped around her, “me too, I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Tagging people that might be interested: @negans-lucille-reads​ @savior-adriana​ @honiebee​ @uchihasteph​ @playboysbunny​ @bwbatta​ @writethelifeyouwant @miraclesoflove​ @shrekboobies​ @jensenackles512​ @trickassmotherfucker​

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[asahipleaseloveme]

A Light in the Dark

Soulmate AU

Asahi x reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: None

Author's Note: this is my piece for @gg9183 soulmate au collab! Congrats on your milestone and thank you so much for letting me join 🥲. In this AU, people see the face of their soulmate in their dreams. Some people see a face sooner than others. As always, feedback is appreciated!

"I don't know, Asahi. I think this whole soulmate thing is just a bunch of bs," you stated matter of factly. "Everyone claims that they see the face of their soulmate in their dreams. And it’s the only face they see until they find them. Pff, yeah...okay. I'm sure some people do. But there's no way everyone can see it, right?" You questioned more to yourself than to your companion who joined you for coffee.

"Maybe you're just a late bloomer? Or it could be that you're a little impatient. But it’s most likely because you’re a goober,” Asahi playfully ragged on you. “I'm sure you'll see a face in no time," he reassuringly stated.

"That's easy for you to say. I bet you've already seen your S.M.'s face. And they are probably beautiful and perfect. I wouldn't expect anything less for you, ya big softy," you teased as you poked him in the side, causing him to jolt away from the sudden contact.

"Hmph, even if I told you I haven't seen a face yet, you wouldn't believe me. But, you're still dreaming about nothing? Just total blackness?"

You stared at your drink for a few seconds to think of how you wanted to answer his question. It's true; for the past six or seven months you've been dreaming in total darkness. It's like you're in there, but there's just nothing. Almost like a void. For a while you were really concerned that it meant you didn't have a soulmate. No one you've talked to had experienced what you were currently going through. Everyone has been dreaming about a face. Some of them have been united with the person in their dreams, while others were still waiting to find theirs.

"Actually," you cleared your throat, "last night was a little different. A light started to shine through the darkness. I woke up before it could get too bright. But I don't know what it means, you know."

You looked up at Asahi sheepishly. You felt a little silly talking about this with him. You know he's been dreaming about his soulmate, but he's just too polite to tell you.

"A light, huh. Maybe that means your soulmate is a lightbulb or something. Ohh, or the sun!" Asahi chuckled.

"Shut up, Asahi," you chuckled along with him.

Your laughs subsided, and your eyes focused on his face.

"Hey, we will still be friends after we both find our soulmates, right," you broke the silence. You panicked as you didn’t want to come off as needy or jealous. "It's just that, I've had some friends who broke off their friendships with others once they found their S.M.'s. I was hoping we wouldn't have to. You're, like, my best friend," your face was getting hot and you could tell it was glowing red.

"______, you're my best friend, too. I'd like to keep it that way," Asahi smiled so softly at you. Even though he was usually the anxious friend of your group, his words felt so relieving and calm. You let out a sigh and smiled back.

"Oh, shoot. I gotta run or I'll be late for work!" Asahi said in a panic. "Uh, I'll text you later. See ya, goober!"

“Bye, goof. Have a good day at work!”

You spent the rest of the day at the library scouring through any book or online article you could find regarding dreams. Specifically soulmate dreams. You couldn’t be the only person who was experiencing the weird phenomenon of dreaming of nothing. The more you searched, the more disheartening it became. There were plenty of stories out there. Articles about people dreaming about a face for a few months before finding them. Articles about people dreaming about a face for decades and not finding them. Accounts of people marrying someone who they didn’t dream about and still finding happiness. Even reports about people who got married to someone other than their soulmate and divorcing their “non-soulmate” once they found them. There were even studies that gave the percentage of the likelihood of ending up with a soulmate. None of these findings were able to quell the uneasiness in your mind.

You threw your hands up in the air with a disgruntled sigh. “This is hopeless. I’m hopeless.”

You began packing up your things when Ashai texted you.

~You shouldn’t worry about this whole dream thing. I’m sure it’ll come to you soon 😊 ~

-I doubt it 😠-

~Lol you’re just grumpy. Go eat some food.~

- >:P -

~Are we still on for the park tomorrow grumpy pants?~

-Duh, goob. The park is the best part of my week. I wouldn’t miss it.-

~Me neither. I was just making sure.~

You grabbed a quick bite to eat at the convenience store around the corner from your apartment building. You made your way up the three flights of stairs to get to your little flat. “Home” was starting to feel a little lonely. Maybe that’s why you tended to spend most of your days somewhere else. You chucked your keys on the counter and tossed your shoes off by the door. As you were heating up your microwaveable meal, you received another text from Asahi.

~______, I know it’s easy to say, but keep your head up. I have faith you’ll see your soulmate 🙂. ~

You smiled at his kind words. He’s always been such a good and supportive friend. He’s always so patient with you. Hell, he’s even started to tease you back when you initiate it. You weren’t lying when you told him that he was your best friend. You didn’t want to imagine him not being in your life. Maybe that’s why you were so worried about the whole soulmate thing. Once he found his soulmate, he would probably start to treat you differently. Would you do the same when you (if you) found yours? What if-

Your thoughts were disrupted by the microwave going off. You quickly ate your dinner and then got ready for bed. You stared at Asahi’s text before deciding to just leave it alone. Sleep soon hit you. Again, you started out in the darkness like you have for the longest time. A light starts to appear and the intensity is getting stronger and stronger. It’s almost too bright for you to even look at. Suddenly, a fuzzy shadow of a head blocks the view of the light. The face begins to come into focus when you wake up with a shooting pain in the back of your head.

“Are you...kidding me? A blurred out face? Typical,” you rubbed your eyes and stretched. “Can’t wait to tell Asahi about this one.”

Asahi was waiting for you by the entrance of the park with a coffee for you in one hand and a coffee for him in the other. You called out to him and ran over to meet him.

“What’s this, Asahi? Need that extra dose of caffeine to walk with me today,” you smirked.

“Oh, I-I just felt bad about poking fun at you yesterday. I just wanted to make it up to you, so you know that I was just kidding.”

You giggled, “Asahi, we poke fun at each other all of the time. I think we know each other well enough that we understand it’s just in good fun. But I will gladly accept your peace offering this time.”

Both of you turned into the park and you began your weekly stroll. Ever since the two of you met years ago, you had a weekly walk through the park to discuss anything that was on your mind.

“So, uh, I saw a face in my dream last night,” you stated ever so shyly. “But, I didn’t actually see the face. It was blurred out. I don’t even know what that means!” You expressed the words with such anger, you stopped in your tracks. “Ugh, I’m sorry. I know you must be tired of me talking about this all of the time. I’m getting kind of tired of it, too. But this whole thing has me scared. What if my soulmate is someone who I won’t even like? What if they hate cats? What if they won’t even remember my favorite coffee order? What if they are mean to other people? I just don’t think I can handle that. I-”

“______, it’s alright. I know it can be scary, but you just have to believe that your soulmate is someone you’ll like. Even if you don’t like them, there’s nothing that states you actually have to marry them, ya know? I think that-” Asahi was cut off with the warnings of distant Heads up shouts, but by the time they were heard, a soccer ball crashed right into the back of your head.

You found yourself on the ground, coffee spilled all over your pants, and a massive pain shooting through the back of your head. You can faintly hear Asahi calling out for you, asking if you are okay. You look up at him, but the sun shine was so intense that you had to squint. The shadowy figure, the same figure from your dream, blocked out the sun and your eyes started to focus on the face. The figure blocked out more of the light, the face becoming more in focus.

“Asahi?” you sat, puzzled.

“______, oh my gosh! You don’t remember me. Did the ball hit you that hard? Oh no, we need to get you to a hospital now!” He panicked as he grabbed you around the waist and lifted you up to your feet.

“No, no, no. I remember you, ya goof. It’s just that...you...your face was...is...you’re my soulmate,” you stared at him with doe-like eyes.

He smiled down at you and wrapped you in a warm embrace.

“I’ve known for a while that you were mine,” he stated with happiness erupting from him.

“How long have you known?”

“Do you remember the day you spilled coffee all over my pants? Yeah, I started dreaming about you that same night.”

“Asahi, that was the first day we met...that was over two years ago! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I guess I didn’t want you to feel pressured to like me. You could have been dreaming about someone else and I didn’t want to get in between that. And part of me wanted you to like me because I’m...me. Not because you felt obligated to. ”

You smiled at him, “You’re, like, the biggest goof I know. How long would you have waited for me to, you know, finally catch up?”

“For you,______, I would’ve waited forever. Because there is honestly no other goober out there for me.”

You laughed as you gave him a hard nudge to the ribs. All of the fear and anxiety you had melted away the longer you were wrapped in his embrace. Your head started to go fuzzy and you weren’t sure if what because you were so relieved or because you just got donked in the head with a ball. Either way, you knew that you and Asahi were going to make each other happy.

“Thanks for waiting for me, Asahi. And thank you for liking me as I am. I know I can be a little overbearing and grumpy at times. I’m glad that you’re my goof. Oh, my head,” you sighed before letting out a groan.

Asahi looked down at you and smiled. “Let’s get you to a doctor, goober. You got hit pretty hard.” He kissed you on your forehead gently before scooping you up in his arms. This wasn’t how he had imagined this reveal going down, but he couldn’t help to be happy that he was your soulmate and you were his. He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life making you happy. And you felt the same way.

[saeran-imagines]

Ray x Reader - Promise

It wasn't a request or anything, but I wrote some Ray x Reader hurt/comfort for my needy soul~ Based on that one time in the garden where he says all those things about how it'd be okay if you hurt him 😢 But it doesn't fit anywhere specific on the timeline~

“I’m sorry.” Ray’s voice cuts through the silence. This was your second trip out to the garden with him, and the evening had been quiet and peaceful. You’d been sitting together on a bench surrounded by roses turned orange from the setting sun. This might be the longest conversation you’ve had with him. He doesn’t seem to like talking about himself, but he listened intently as you talked about your likes, dislikes and desires. He asked a thousand questions, wanting to know every little detail about you, down to your favorite shape and your mother’s last name. Not that you minded. You satisfied his curiosity, throwing in fun little anecdotes to entertain him along the way. He’s out of questions for the night, though, and the two of you have been watching the sun go down in silence. “I’m really sorry.” The bench creaks beside you, and you turn to see his head scrunched up in his hands.

“Ray, what’s wrong?” The night had been going so well, did you say something upsetting? Did he forget about something he had to do? Your mind races through the events of the last hour trying to figure out where something could have gone wrong. 

“I’m not nearly as entertaining as the RFA...” he starts. “You could have been talking with them this whole time, but you went along with me and let me selfishly keep you here all night.” Oh no, that’s what this is about... His insecurities have hardly been a secret since the day you met him, but you’d desperately hoped they wouldn’t show themselves tonight. He deserves to enjoy himself, even if it’s just for a few hours. You reach out for him, but stop when he flinches away.

“I didn’t-” you stutter, worried that saying the wrong thing could make the situation worse. “I came here with you because I like spending time with you, okay? Tonight was wonderful.” He curls up into himself more.

“Oh god, and I’m ruining it right now, aren’t I? It was perfect and I just ruined it.” 

“No, it’s oka-”

“I’m such an idiot, you can go ahead and hit me if you want.” He finally lifts his head to look at you, revealing his tear stained face. “You can throw things at me, or kick me, or pull my hair, anything that’ll make it up to you.” His shaking body looks like it’s about to collapse into itself, his fingers digging into his knees. Seeing him in this state is too painful, you have to do something about it. You might not have a magic button to take all his pain away, but god dammit you’ll do anything in your power to make sure you’re not a source of it.

"Ray.” His head snaps up like a trained puppy at the sound of his name being called. Which one of the horrible people in his life taught him that trick? You try your best to kick that thought out of your head, you can’t focus on the past right now. “You trust me, right?”

“Of course I trust you!” he sits up straighter, voice frantic. “Anything you tell me to do, I’ll do it.” You frown. He’s getting the wrong message, but at least you have his attention now. 

“Thank you.” You smile at him, hoping it looks more reassuring than pained. “Then, can you do me a favor?” 

“Anything.” He leans in closer to you, so close that you can feel his warm breath against your face. If this were a better situation, if you were in a safer place right now, you might have leaned in to close the distance. But that’s not what either of you need right now.

“Okay, then I’m going to make a promise to you, and I want you to try your best to believe me.” He leans back a little, his intensity shifting towards confusion. 

“A promise?” he asks.

“Yeah, a promise.” You reach towards his hands but you don’t take them, instead offering yours for him to hold if he chooses. He reaches out hesitantly, glancing back up at you to make sure he really has permission before grabbing them. His grip is just a bit too tight for comfort, but that’s the least of your worries right now. “And I don’t make promises very often, so please try to believe that I’ll keep it. Okay?

“...Okay.” His body is still tense with apprehension. When you asked him for a favor he expected to have to do something, to fetch you a meal, or fix a bug on your phone, or leave you alone for the rest of the night. He would have happily ripped his heart out for you to crush under your feet. But a promise… if you were trying to torture him, this is the best way to do it. He does trust you, though, more than anyone else. Maybe… maybe even more than his savior, though he wouldn’t dare say so out loud. So as much as he wants to, he doesn’t flinch or look away as he waits for you to speak. You run your fingers across his knuckles, smiling with more confidence at his earnesty. 

“Alright,” you resist the urge to tack a ‘darling’ or a ‘sweetheart’ to the end of that. This is the most attentive he’s ever been towards you, and you don’t want to ruin that by confusing him even more. “I promise... that I’m never ever going to hurt you.” You bring his hands closer to your chest and squeeze them for emphasis. His breath hitches and his eyes widen, now unable to look away from your intense gaze. 

You take a deep breath to control your voice. You’re very passionate about this and you want it to show, but the last thing you want is to scare him off by your intensity sending the wrong message. “I’m not ever gonna hit you, or throw things at you, or shout at you...” Tears start to form behind your eyes at the thought of doing something so horrible, but you continue. “There’s nothing you could do that would push me to hurt you.” 

You take a chance and lift your hand up to cup his cheek. He gasps but doesn’t flinch, tentatively leaning into the touch instead. If only you could do more... You could wrap your arms around him and hold him against your chest, telling him that everything will be okay while you run your hands through his hair. Or pull his face closer to yours and close the distance, kissing him so deeply and passionately that he doesn’t have the chance to doubt himself. But that would do more harm than good, this isn’t the time to be self indulgent. All you can do is convince yourself that you’ll have all the time in the world for that once you’re free from this hell. 

You feel a drop of water on your hand. Did it start to rain? No, he’s crying. Did you do something wrong? Your other hand moves on its own to brush the tear from his other eye before it gets the chance to fall. “Darling?” You mentally curse yourself, the pet name fell from your mouth while you’re caught off guard. His tears turn into sobs and you don’t know what to do. 

“I’d rather...” he manages to get a few words out despite his body telling him not to, screaming at him that it’s safer not to speak. “P-Please don’t promise that. I’d rather have- have you hurt me than leave me.” He’s not looking at you anymore. His eyes are focused on the gap of bench between you, not daring to look anywhere else. Fuck it. You do exactly what you told yourself you wouldn’t do and wrap your arms around him, pulling him into your chest and resting your head on his shoulder. Now that he’s pressed up against you the scent of something toxic beneath his layers of cologne becomes clearer. That must be the elixir that’s been keeping him in agony for god knows how long. You hold him tighter, but immediately let up when you notice his breaths are coming out squeaky from the pressure. What irony would that be, if you crushed him to death right after promising you’d never hurt him. 

“Hey, that won’t happen either. I’m not gonna leave this place without you by my side.” All self control is lost as you rub circles into his back and play with his hair in a desperate attempt to calm him down. Your mind is racing too hard to find the right words to say, all you can do is pray that your touches hold enough emotion to get through to him. You’re mumbling something into his ear, something about everything being okay, about not leaving him. You hear yourself call him ‘baby’ somewhere in there but you try to move past that thought before you have the time to get mortified over it. Maybe something in your messy attempt at comfort worked, or maybe he’s just all cried out, but his sobs eventually even out into sniffles. Weak and tired from the emotional rollercoaster, he doesn’t think twice before snuggling further into your embrace.

“...Okay,” he whispers. What?

“Okay?” 

“I’ll... I’ll try my best to believe you. I can’t understand why you’re being so nice to me, but since you promised I’ll try to believe you.” Right, the promise. You smile into his neck. 

“Thank you. I’ll prove to you that I really mean it.”

☁ ☁ ☁

“Ray?” The bench creaks as he jumps slightly, startled from the silence being broken. After you’d wiped each other’s tears away the two of you stayed side by side on the bench, holding hands and watching the sky turn dark. An attempt at cooling down before you go back to your lonely room and he goes back to his sleepless work. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s okay. What is it?” He turns slightly to look at you, but you don’t meet his eyes. The embarrassment of losing your cool earlier is still fresh in your mind.

“I just want you to know that I really meant that promise,” you say. “And don’t think it’s just because I’m nice, because I’m definitely not above smacking people down. But this promise is for you, Ray, I promise not to hurt you. And if I do by some accident, I’ll make it up to you ten times over.” His face flushes and he looks down at his lap. 

“But you are nice, you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.” You chuckle.

“Nah, I’m not nice. I’m nice to you, but that’s because you’re... you. There’s a lot of people in this world-” the so-called ‘savior’ comes to mind as you talk, and your voice grows colder. “A lot of people in this world that I’d crush like ants between my fingers if I could.” With narrowed eyes you raise your hand towards the Magenta building, imagining the savior sitting inside. You squish your imaginary enemy with your fingers for emphasis. It gives you a rush of joy in some weird twisted way that you should probably talk to a professional about.

“But... you won’t crush me?” He asks softly, unsure of himself. There’s a glimmer of hope in the question, though, a glimmer that wouldn’t have been there if he’d asked an hour ago. You finally look at him and he meets your eyes.. 

“No, I won’t crush you.” Genuine smiles have been in short supply for you recently, but this gentle, peaceful moment with the object of your affection coaxes one out of you. ‘I will squish you though,’ is what you wanna say before diving in to pinch his cheeks, but you settle for another squeeze of his hand. You’ll have all the time in the world for that later. Right now you just need to escape.

[closer-stars]

Gut Feeling (9)

Member: San Genre: Fluff, Comfort Word Count: 9k Requested: Yes Content: the stuff people have been waiting for. food. boys being boys (affectionate). life being a butt. relationships are tricky. the turns have tabled. just stuff i owe you all after the pain that is called Slow Burn Note: I’m so sorry this took so long. A lot happened in between (covid scare at home if anything) in my life ahah. :( . writer’s block. trying to tie some loose strings while having something to close off for the last chapter. we’re nearly done! Proof read!. (also ehe, look forward to another fic i’ve been making maybe? ; w;)

Network: @ateezlovenet

Tag list: @barsformars @yeotlny @seoultraveller @shinyddeonghwa @frankenstein852 @miniyeo @hwaberrykiwi @jeongyunhoed 

Part 8

Blood runs loudly in his ears that for a brief moment he thought he was hearing things. 

“Can we take it slow?” It’s not really a question for you but somehow you managed to make it sound like such. 

“Y-you’re really giving me a chance?” In his case, it really is a question phrased and sounding like such. 

The way he looks, cheeks flushed in various warm shades, hands pinned under his thighs-- in all honesty, he looked like a nervous high school boy. It was adorable. “Why else would I ask if we can take it slow..” You point out gently, trying to chuckle a little lightly to gently rid the tension in the room.

Relationships have always been tricky. 

Words stumble out of his mouth with the ease of a duckling who doesn’t know how to swim. “Yeah! I, uh, I mean, yeah, we can take it slow.” San can keep his composure together on the stage despite wardrobe malfunctions or falling microphone packs but put him face to face with someone who has his heart and he’s fumbling. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He confesses. He doesn’t want to commit the same mistake. Not again. 

His words soften your features. You can’t blame him. The road the two of you walked on was a tricky one. You’re a little hopeful that this time it won’t be as troublesome as it was in the past. “I think,” you start. It’s easy to miss the hesitance the flashes behind his eyes. “I think, I trust you enough to know that you won’t hurt me intentionally.” You say carefully. There are things you’ve learned in your years without him that made you who you are, now you’re willing to learn a little more with him by your side. 

His gaze on you is intense, studying your features closely as he hopes that you aren’t joking. It takes a moment for him to realize that you’re sincere. You’ve never joked about relationships with the members or with anyone. You’re taking the risk, what kind of sign was he looking for still? His lips curve upwards slowly, until his dimples show. “Yeah, I’d like that.” 

It’s obvious how the weight on both your shoulders has been lifted at his answer. You can’t help but giggle at the sight of how happy he looks. The happy moment is cut by the growling of his stomach. Two pairs of eyes look at his stomach but only one pair of ears heat up upon realizing what had just happened. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” You say without missing a beat. “I’m not good like Wooyoung though when it comes to cooking meat.” You warn as you pull him up to bring with you to the kitchen. 

“The food you cook in barbeque restaurants says otherwise though.” He points out, truthfully, he’s at the point of hunger where he’ll eat anything. 

The face you make at his words makes him giggle. It was fun teasing you. “San, those meats were marinated in their sauces.. All I had to do was put it on some hot surface to make it edible.” As you go through your pantry, you ask him if he’s okay with seafood. Of course, this was met with enthusiasm. 

That’s how the rest of the night goes, just San telling you how the commercial filming went. He recounts how tired he is of the drink he had to sip over the day-- not that he’ll ever get tired of the drink itself but just for today he didn’t want anything to do with it. Along with the usual discomforts of filming, he retells the antics the members do that haven’t changed over the years.  It hasn’t quite set in yet that the two of you are now officially together, if anything, it still feels like the two of you are still just friends only with reciprocated feelings. 

It’s not hard to notice how tired San feels now that he’s clean and full (in stomach and heart), that you can’t help the smile growing on your features as you watch him stifle a yawn. “Go get ready for bed, your mattress is already ready.” You say, shooing him to get his needed rest. 

“No, I want to help clean.” He mumbles as he stands up, used utensils and dishes in hands. While you were packing away the leftovers, he already was one step ahead of you-- cleaning them already. He just knows where everything is by now. You also know how stubborn he is by now, so you let him. As thanks, you give him a quick hug. Just as you were about to pull away to let him finish, he makes an indignant sound. “Stay like this, please? I like your hugs.” 

“As long as you wash them thoroughly.” You murmur. 

---------

The two of you are on your own beds, until now San’s a little dismayed that Lily has to sleep in another room. It was to curb her neediness, you’ve told him in the past, but still. He didn’t mind having a little fur friend next to him while he sleeps. That is, if he could actually sleep. 

It’s been an hour since his back hit the mattress to call it a day. To his right was you, sound asleep with half your face covered by the blanket. He was a little envious of how you could sleep without any sort of habit like him. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to bring something to hug to sleep so he’s left alone wide awake with his thoughts. The conversation replays in his mind, picturing how you looked at him, he wonders too how he looked earlier. This wasn’t a dream was it? He doesn’t know why he keeps doubting everything. A part of him thinks he doesn’t deserve this, knowing how he was in the past. Another part of him has to remind himself that he’s grown from it. Should he have stayed for the night? He really needs advice from his members right now. But if he didn’t stay for the night then the two of you wouldn’t have-- 

“Still awake?” 

The soft voice startles him from his thoughts, his head whipping to the source. But, you look asleep so who’s speaking? 

“Can’t sleep, huh? Did you forget to bring something to hug?” The voice was from you despite your closed eyes. He gazes at you in relief, thankful that he wasn’t being fooled by some supernatural being. 

“Go back to sleep, I’ll be able to sleep soon.” He tells you softly once he catches the rasp in your sleep ridden voice. 

You raise your arm, inviting him over to your bed. “Come here. I know you by now.” 

Even in the dark, his eyes widen at your invitation. “I thought you wanted to take things slow.” San returns, staring at your open arms before looking at your features, your eyes now open. Who knew they could sparkle even in the dark?

“I do. I also do know that you’re very cranky when you don’t get a minimum of three hours of decent sleep.” At your words, he checks the time, blinding himself at the sudden brightness of his phone. 4AM. He shifts carefully into your arms. Good god, you’re so warm and comfortable. It takes him a while to wrap his arms around you. By the time his body melts with yours, and how his arm sinks onto your side, you’ve already fallen asleep.

Sunlight hits your eyes and you try to cover your eyes from the disruption, only to gently hit your forehead against something. That’s what gets you to open your eyes. A blue shirt? You shift in alarm to look up at who was right next to you. Oh right, you let San sleep with you on your bed. This is the first time you see him so vulnerable up close. His lashes just barely brush against his skin, his mouth slightly ajar as he snores softly. A small part of you wishes to have him like this a little longer, that even if you spoi yourself with a few moments of just gazing at his sleeping form, the day has to start. “San..” you murmur, shaking him gently. 

No response. The man continues to sleep on, with no plans of letting you move out of his hold. No wonder he sleeps with a plush toy or pillow in his arms.

“San.” You say a little louder. “It’s 7AM. You have a schedule..” You remind him, patting his arm gently. His groan lets you know he’s awake much to his distaste, even going as far as covering his eyes with his forearm, to block any sunlight from forcing him up. “Get up please?” You ask him nicely, though your hand proceeds to squish his cheeks, this time you let your phone blare your alarm. “I’ll cook you some breakfast as long as you get up and get ready for your schedules.” His arms tighten just a little around you, begging for a few more minutes through a raspy whine. San, come on.” You plead gently, patting his cheek lightly to get his arms to loosen up. Eventually he does, and you catch up on the lost time to prepare food and prepare yourself up for the day. 

“Only because your alarm’s Illusion.” 

--------

Breakfast goes by smoothly once San wakes up, coffee and a decent meal putting him in a better mood. You wonder when did he become a little better with the mornings but that’s another story for another time. The two of you eat quietly, the TV faintly plays the morning programs. 

“Ah, right..” You speak up after a moment. “Manager Yoon’s going to be the one to pick you up.” At least that means San doesn’t have to rush anymore when it comes to preparing for the day. That also means he’s the last to be made up for today’s guestings in the nightly radio. 

The man stifles a yawn, his body still warming up to the mere fact he’s awake in the morning. “That’s good. What time is he coming here?” He asks as he looks at his phone. “Nevermind, half an hour.” He quickly adds as he sees the message. 

This also means he would have to tell the boys and the managers of his relationship status now. “Is it alright if I tell the boys about us?” He asks, remembering the conversation he had with the members in the past. He gave it a shot now, and it was successful. “Of course, I won’t say anything if you don’t want to.” It was through the months of catching up that he realized just how private you are with your own life. 

You don’t mind, so you give him the go signal. “Yeah, if you have to tell the company too that’s alright. I just don’t want to go public with the relationship at least for now.” You trust San yes, but can you trust the fans? A lot has changed between the two of you but surely more so for the fans they cater to. 

He nods, a little giddy to tell the boys already that the two of you are now a thing. He sees the food that’s still on the table and feels a little bummed that he won’t be able to eat this at the end of the day. 

“Go get ready, your manager’s going to be here any time now.” You stand up as you finish your own meal.

He places his own plate by the sink as a thought flashes in his mind. He wonders how nice it would be to live with you, instead of just constant sleepovers. These thoughts were better saved for another time, for now, he opts to press a quick kiss on your temple. “Thanks, babe.”

---------

The trip to the hair salon was a little rowdy to put it simply. After San dropped the news on the three members and Manager Yoon, the questions just kept going. The questions were just the same thing though, just coming from two sources: Wooyoung and Yunho. Seonghwa on the other hand was watching the entire scene unfold with relief and amusement. It was nice to see San smile this bright and giddy again. 

San did tell the entire conversation to the best that he can to the three. Manager Yoon smiling to himself as well as he listens to him. “About time.” Yunho teases as he hits San’s shoulders over and over. 

“As much as I’m happy for you, I’m bummed I won’t get to see Hongjoong drunk.” Wooyoung says with a snicker. San takes no offense, admittedly he also wanted to see Hongjoong drunk too. Maybe some other time. 

“I’ll tell the other members in the dorm. I promised them that it would only be the members and managers.” San immediately follows it up with the promise. He trusts his members, he really does but the extra precaution was needed especially with you. As much as he wants to tell the members now, it’ll have to wait when they’re back in the privacy of their dorms. For now, they had to focus on their schedules for the next few days. 

--------

The other members noticed that San was a little happier than usual even at such an early hour. Yeosang throws an inquisitive look at Wooyoung, hoping for an answer to the strange behavior. The latter says nothing but gives his friend a patient smile. Even as San tries to contain his relief for you, there’s the feeling of quiet content on his shoulders. 

The cameras start rolling, and the smiles start showing. It’s nice to see the fans again after so long. New and familiar faces are in front of them, it was an odd feeling to see people this close again. The cheers that erupt after greeting them puts a rush of adrenaline into their veins. Though there was a glass wall that separates them, the djs and the fans, it wasn’t a big deal. Things were safe now. They can go out and have a small fan meeting with the fans afterwards.

The radio show goes smoothly: a few TMIs of their daily life and comeback preparations. Some skits were done for those listening in along with a short QnA with their new songs playing in between. As much as San wanted to check his phone during the break, there were fans just outside that could look at his phone just because he knows you usually message around this time. Instead, he looks out the window, greeting the fans and waving to the cameras. He’s grateful for the fans who have stayed through the thick and thin. In a sense, both sides have seen each other grow through life’s milestones. He wonders how many of them are in a relationship as well and the thought unknowingly makes him smile softly at the fans. 

It’s Wooyoung’s insistent poking and tickling that gets him out of his thoughts, just in time for the show to continue. Before the show ends, they’re told to sing their latest song. In typical fashion, they sing their hearts out even if this is just a radio show, even if their dancing won’t be caught on camera, they still do the choreography in their seats. 

For the ending of the show, they go to where the fans are waiting, waving to them as the curtains of the venue slowly go down. It takes a while for the curtains to go down but the boys make the most with a few finger hearts, waves, and kisses to fans who have been waiting for hours for them. Now that the radio show has ended, San was able to comfortably complain and retaliate Wooyoung’s teasing and poking earlier. 

“Don’t get mad at me. You really looked like you were out of it!” Wooyoung claims as he squeaks over the tickling that he can’t escape from. Thanks Jongho. 

It’s not like San can deny that he was busy in his own head but he wasn’t going to confirm it outright here. 

Hongjoong’s return with their new album that they signed in the hair salon managed to break the bickering. It was their way of thanking the DJ for being invited onto his show, along with the hopes of being invited again in the future. With all the niceties and other gratitudes out of the way, it was time to head home. 

---------

It’s when everyone’s finally at home that the air was buzzing with curiosity. It’s rare to have San be that warm in the mornings. Well he’s gotten better with the mornings, that was a fact but there was some sort of warmth that was oozing out of San today. He knows this too or at least, he can sense that there’s something in the air with his members. 

“San, did something happen?” Hongjoong asks, now that they’re complete again for their weekly catch up. The other four were still in the dark about what had happened, the three that do know are just smiling at him. The smiles though are clearly in different stages. 

Yeosang, despite his curiosity to know what happened, can’t help but feel a little bit of alarm at the sight of how different the smiles were on Seonghwa’s, Yunho’s and Wooyoung’s faces. “San did something really smart or really dumb.” He blurts out, much to Mingi’s alarm. 

This makes the mentioned male wince at how true it sounds. He did do a lot of dumb stuff behind the camera so he couldn’t blame Yeosang for that. “Depends on how you guys take it though…” San speaks up now that everyone’s eyes are on him. His hand reaches behind his neck, rubbing it to ease his nerves. After a deep breath, he tells them that you and him are now dating, officially. The room bursts into celebration after it sinks in: Yunho and Mingi tackling the poor guy to the floor, Jongho and Seonghwa have bursted into song-- a popular OST from a recent drama they’re watching, Hongjoong says nothing but smiles in relief at his member. Thank god it ends on a good note. Truly, his kids are growing up. 

“Wooyoung looks bummed.” Yeosang points out, though with no concern after knowing the reason. It gets everyone to look at him, everyone but San who feared the worst. 

“Nah, I’m happy for our Sannie here.” Wooyoung explains, putting emphasis on his nickname the same way you would for him. “This just means, Hongjoong-hyung and I won’t be able to drink ten shots.” 

It’s only then that Hongjoong bursts into cheer, going as far as to tease him much to Wooyoung’s fake annoyance.

San looks at the entire room, eyes slightly wide with shock. “So you guys are okay with it? The two of us dating?” Even to him, the mere fact he’s dating someone he’s had feelings for so long feels unreal. 

Hongjoong shakes his head, bottom lip out in thought. “No? Why would we have an issue with it? You’ve been in love with them for so long and growing through it and now the two of you are together. Why would we be mad about this? San, we’re happy.” He stops for a moment. “Do you have plans of telling the company?”

San tilts his head in thought this time. “I’m still thinking if I should. I mean, they’ve given me the go signal if I want to tell the company but they’d rather I don’t go public with the dating.” He recounts the conversation. Hell, even his fellow friends in the other groups didn’t go public with their dating. For now, he’ll stick to being private about your relationship. “Give me two months before telling the company maybe?” 

“Six?” 

He looks at Seonghwa, a little surprised by the input. “Really?”

“Or you know,” butts in Yunho. “Just tell the company when you’re ready.” 

“Can we at least meet up with them again soon?” Mingi asks now that it seems settled. “I miss seeing them too.” He admits, a dusting of embarrassment over his cheeks. 

Now that Mingi mentioned it, it’s been quite a while since all of you met up again. While he did have you all to himself for the most part, their hectic schedules have made it hard for the nine of you to meet for dinner. “I can send them a message, ask their schedule then we can plan it from there.” San suggests.

Seeing the younger yawn through their words, Hongjoong decides to end the catch up session there. “I guess we can end it here then. Everyone’s tired and we got a full schedule for the next three days.” 

It goes without saying that if there’s a full schedule then San won’t be able to sleep over until the end. For the most part, he manages not being able to see you on the daily. He’s used to it. It’s a little different now that the two of you are dating, he wants to see you more often but work comes first. The text messages will do for now. 

---------

The last schedule finally ends and already the members can feel the buzz in his body to see you again. Seonghwa snickers at the scene in front of him. A wide eyed San that’s about to bounce on the balls of his feet. If it weren’t for it being seen as rude, he would be bouncing to leave the building. While the younger’s too busy in his own thoughts and excitement, Seonghwa sneaks a video to send to you. 

[ Seonghwa to You ] excited_san.vid

[ Seonghwa to You ] be prepared for tonight

[ Seonghwa to You ] he was so exhausted the past few days.

[ Seonghwa to You ] he’s gonna be clingy

[ Seonghwa to You ] don’t say i didn’t warn you.

“Did you just send them a video of San?” asks Wooyoung under his breath to not be caught by San. All they were waiting for was the director in order to say properly bid goodbye after the long shoot. At his question, Seonghwa shows Wooyoung the video.  “Send it to me, hyung. I want to have something to use for his birthday.” The younger begs. 

“Just shoot him now. He’s swaying on his feet.” Seonghwa points out. True enough, San couldn’t keep still now. To others, he just seemed restless, aching to be in the comfort of his own bed. But the members know better, he’s excited to come home to you. 

[ You to Seonghwa ] I’m not surprised. 

[ You to Seonghwa ] I already have food ready in case he skips on dinner again.

[ You to Seonghwa ] laughing_apeach.emoji

Seonghwa keeps his phone immediately once the director comes in. Proper niceties were exchanged along with a gift of a signed album. Now that was done, San lets out a relieved exhale as they leave the premises. 

“Sleeping over at their place again?” Seonghwa teases his younger member. “Don’t forget to ask for their schedule for a dinner with us too.” He reminds lightly at the sight of San’s red cheeks. 

“Of course! Ah, hyung, what do you take me for?” San complains lightheartedly as they make their way to the car. 

“A lovesick puppy.” Seonghwa returns without missing a beat and it’s enough to make San hide his face behind his hands. While San tries to calm down from such a straightforward answer, Seonghwa already sends San a reminder to his kakao. “There, if you still forget, you’re cleaning the bathroom for a week.” 

The doorbell rings and you immediately make your way to the door. Lily following by your feet, the little one already knowing who it was by the door. By the time you unlock your door, you see San now in his casual get up, smiling warmly at you. “Hey.” San says simply, his arms slightly raised, a shy request for a hug to which you grant once he steps inside your home. 

--------

The familiar scent of your shampoo and your clothes relaxes his strained body after a strenuous week. You can feel him practically melt in your arms. “Hey, hey, don’t fall asleep like this. I’m not strong enough to carry you to bed!” The way your voice rose in concern and alarm made San giggle lightly against your neck. Not wanting to scare you any further, he peels himself off you. 

He spots your Lily looking up at him, tail swishing about in warm welcome to his return. Once they’re given the chance to head home for a break, he’ll get to see Byeol again. Once he sets his things down by your couch, Lily loops herself around his legs. “Nice to see you too~” he coos softly as he carefully picks her up in his arms. 

As he busies himself with your feline companion, “Have you eaten?” You ask from the kitchen. At least you don’t have to worry about what he likes to eat. 

“Not yet…” He confesses, a little shyly as he approaches the kitchen, gently setting Lily down on the ground. “What’s for dinner?” He asks, as he looks for how else can he help around your place. 

“Beef, shrimp and some tteokbokki I cooked yesterday.” The table was already set up. You lean against the counter as you wait for the microwave to finish heating up the last of the meal you prepared for him. Silence shortly falls over the two of you, save for the microwave whirring in the background. It’s hard not to spot how hungry San looks at the sight of the food in front of him that it makes you chuckle lightly. “You can eat already, San. I’m just heating up the tteokbokki.” 

The microwave beeps as it finishes heating the last meal. Already San has started to eat the beef first and you let him eat in peace, god knows how long it has been since his last meal. He notices you watching him with soft eyes and again he feels his ears heat up. He asks you a question that you can’t quite decipher with the food in his mouth. “Eat first, before you ask again.” You reassure, once he tries to rush through his food. 

You had a point so he chews slowly this time, making sure to not choke in the process before speaking up again. “How was your day?” He asks, this time a little clearer, before taking another spoonful of what looked like his 2nd serving of rice. 

Well, you entertain him with your day: meetings, pre-production preparations, scouting of locations. It’s the same old day for you but you don’t mind. You’re always on the move even at the odd hours of the night sometimes. He sees it in your smile, despite the dark circles under your eyes from sleepless nights, he sees how fulfilled you are with your work. It’s the same feeling he has with his. It’s through you that he learned how to be a better artist in front of the camera and with the staff. It’s also because of you that Wooyoung’s video editing skills got better but that’s another story. 

So you return the question to him, wondering how he’s been for the past few days. Honestly, you tune in to his shows whenever you can, sometimes even just having it as background noise as you work on your own at home. 

He takes your question as his cue to let his body digest the food he practically inhaled. He leans back against the chair, trying to recall the blur of the past few days. To a degree, he does. Truthfully, the days melt into each other when it comes to work. The only way he knows that time has passed is through the habits the members have, along with your text messages. It’s not that he doesn’t care for himself but his life as an artist is always fast paced that even someone as seasoned as him still has trouble with telling the days apart. Despite that, he’s able to remember enough to give you a bit of story, though he ends it with a bashful confession of how the days just blur into each other sometimes. Your reassurance relieves him even if it’s a bit. It’s a little worrisome that he confuses the days when he works, he admits. 

When he realizes that he’s already full from the food, he lets out a content sigh. “Thank you for the meal, really.” He says, already feeling sleepy from how sated he feels. 

“Hey don’t fall asleep on me!” You whine as you nudge his calf under the table. “Help me put these away first!” It takes him awhile to regain his surroundings, food coma already coming in fast for him. Fortunately, he manages to get himself out of his lazy state to help you. 

Once all of that was over, the two of you lounge by the couch, letting the tv play whatever movie was playing. It’s only when the two of you are in your sleepwear that the exhaustion sets in. 

Your head finds comfort leaning against his arm. The two of you weren’t really paying attention to the movie, it was just there for white noise. Both of you were just basking in each other’s presence-- even if it meant Lily pads back and forth on the couch behind you. The two of you watch the feline bolt across the room, chasing after its own toys. As Lily bounces off, running after a ball, San takes a peek at you. “I know that look.” He says softly, careful to not startle you. “Wanna talk about what’s in your head?” He offers. 

Truthfully, he also had some thoughts in his head. Though, he still has trouble phrasing them out loud, he’d rather listen to you first. Maybe from there he’d get answers or relief from your thoughts as well. 

Your gaze has fallen from Lily running around to your hand just brushing against his and it’s when San speaks up softly that you snap out of your daze. “Hm?” You hum in response. “Nothing serious.” You reassure. “Just thinking of how we’ve become.” You add. How do you tell San the thoughts in your tangled head? There’s a lot of thoughts in there, verbalizing these thoughts still aren’t your forte. 

“Oh?” He replies, hoping to hear more of your thoughts. As much as he is talkative, taking the role of the ears was something he appreciates just as much. “Like how?” He asks, his palm upturned as an open invitation for you to hold his hand.

It takes a few moments for you to accept the invitation as you ended up just keeping your gaze on his open hand. “It’s just… I feel happy with you.” It’s not the answer he expected but he listens. “Not saying that I wasn’t happy without you, I felt happy and fulfilled on my own. I think,” You stop often, trying to find the right words. “There’s something about us now dating that makes my heart race.” 

“Is it a good kind?” San asks, leaning forward and shifting to face you properly. 

It’s hard to miss how intense his gaze can be despite the soft look in his eyes that it makes you look down at your hands that brush against each other. “Yeah, I like the feeling so far.” You admit. It’s a new feeling, the best way you can describe it is how you get so excited and nervous for the first day of doing something you love. Only instead of doing something, it’s knowing you have someone willing to stay by your side. 

It’s such a new feeling and you’re not sure of how to treasure it properly. 

 like, we went from these two awkward adults making ends meet with their jobs, still trying to get used to the fact we’re both in our early twenties.” The mention of the age makes him think back to those years. It feels a little weird to have started out like that to end up becoming the man he is today. He thinks back to his members, seeing each other grow and become their own individual selves outside the group. Eventually the thoughts go to you, the one sitting next to him with their arm looped around his. “Come to think of it, San. I did a lot of stupid things too back then… in hindsight, I could’ve reacted better and done things a little differently and maybe neither of us would’ve gone through such things but…” A soft sigh leaves your lips. “That’s life. We’ve learned from it from the looks of things.” 

Once you finish your thought, San’s features soften up. It’s not that he’s been wanting some kind of apology for how you acted, he’s moved past that by now. He’s been in good terms with you now but he still wonders just how vivid your thoughts are. After you spill your thoughts, he leans over to brush his lips against your temple. He doesn’t know why he does so but it just felt like he should. Having you lean into his affection was a thrill he doesn’t see himself getting tired of, it leaves such a warm feeling in his chest that he couldn’t help but pull you closer. “What has happened brought us to where we are now, so please, don’t beat yourself up for what happened.” He murmurs softly, pulling away to make you look at him in the eye. 

The two of you were so close. So painfully close, that one could just reach out a little and your lips could touch. No one makes a move though. Instead, the two of you look at each other, quiet content in the air. San closes the gap between the two of you by leaning his forehead gently against yours, giggling softly. 

“What?” You mumbled, slight confusion in your voice. The lack of distance now had your heart racing, the faint scent of his shampoo already had your head spinning. 

“Nothing,” he just giggles and quickly presses a kiss on your forehead. “The movie’s already finished. We barely even paid attention.” Already, the screen’s rolling credits along with bloopers in between. He glances at the time. It’s a habit of his when he’s had a long day. 

“Let’s go to sleep?” You offer, after he puts his phone down. He flashes a small smile. “What?” 

“I don’t have anything tomorrow, so I’ll be able to catch up on sleep.” He says with pride. A small part of you tightens in pain, you have a full day tomorrow. 

“Crap, I got a full day tomorrow. I can buy us fried chicken and maybe some soju to make up for it.” You explain. He looks at you and guilt shines in your eyes to which he shakes his head.

He squishes your cheeks together, producing a surprised yelp from you. “Babe,” he starts. “It’s okay, that’s work. You have to deal with me working crazy hours day in and day out, I don’t mind.” He explains. The way your lips pucker up makes him laugh. “At least bring home some mint choco ice cream too!” A thought of how your lips would feel against his passes his head. 

On the other hand, you felt your heart skip as he called you ‘Babe’. Maybe you can call him something similar down the line. His words bring you reassurance, managing to smile after he lets go of your cheeks. “I’ll buy you a big serving.” You promise as you stand up, stretching your now sleeping legs. San raises his arms to you, looking like a baby asking to be carried. With your utmost strength, you pull him to his feet. 

To be honest, ever since he slept with you in the same bed, it’s been a little weird to sleep on your own. He says hugging you makes him sleep better, but you can’t deny that sleeping in his arms does feel nice. Now that you’re settled under the blankets, he pulls you flush against his chest. “You sure it won’t get too hot for you like this?” You ask him once you make sure your alarm is ready for tomorrow. 

“Nope. I’ll be fine. You need to get your sleep. Do I need to sing you a lullaby?” 

You were thankful he couldn’t feel how hot your cheeks have become at such an offer. Maybe in the near future. Instead of saying anything, you just lace your fingers with his that were around your waist. “Go to sleep, Sannie. You got chicken, soju and ice cream waiting for you tomorrow.” Just as you were about to drift to sleep, you feel his nose nuzzle lightly against your neck. The last thing you feel before you fall asleep is his smile against your skin. 

--------

You wake up to your phone buzzing to start the new day. Something in you tells you staying at home is better but you press on. As much as sleeping in with San is nice, you need to earn money. 

A soft yawn slips from your lips, and you stretch just a little. It’s a little tricky to wake your body up when San’s warmth practically envelops your entire being. Regardless, you miraculously wriggle yourself free from San’s sleeping figure to get ready for the day ahead of you.   

You get ready for the day quietly, making sure to not make too much noise. Carefully, you manage to make yourself something filling and quick to eat on the way. Of course, knowing how late San wakes up on off days: you put his share in the fridge. A quick note is placed on the fridge, just something to let him know there’s some food for him if he doesn’t want to order take out. You also make sure to feed Lily as she’s already pacing around expecting food for the day. “Don’t disturb Sannie okay?” 

Before you leave, you press a quick kiss on his temple-- it was the only spot you could see as he practically buried himself in your blankets. How lucky. With that, you’re off to work. 

--------

It’s midday by the time San wakes up. Lily’s already on his chest, meowing at him to wake up. The weight on his chest gets him to his senses quickly as he scrambles for his phone. “What time is it…” He rasps out as the screen momentarily blinds him. 2.00 PM. He’d sleep more but it’s not an option when Lily’s impatient for her lunch. Once Lily knows he isn’t falling back asleep, she hops off him. Her tail swishes about in impatience and hunger. Once he was free, he rolls off the bed with a yawn. Feed her first before doing any of his morning routine. 

He’s wide awake by the time he gets out of the shower. Also, he’s hungry. He looks through his messages as he walks around your apartment. 

[ You to San: 8:00 AM ] hello hello! I made some food that you might want to eat once you wake up!

[ Wooyoung to San: 9:54 AM ] When can we eat with the two of you? :> 

[ Hongjoong to San: 1:45 PM ] We got a photoshoot three days from now. Don’t forget! 

You usually message him around noon to remind him to eat even if he was just in your apartment. But it’s already 2.45PM, he worries for a moment but he tries to chalk it up to you just having a full day. He checks the kitchen and sees the note that you stuck onto the fridge. 

You made rice balls and took some of the left over meat for your breakfast. This means that you made some for him too. He looks into the fridge once more if there’s any other food he could pair with the rice balls. He does: pickled radish, fermented anchovies and some beef with the rice balls. If he still wants more, he can go for take out while waiting for you. 

He spends what’s left of his day watching tv or playing games on his phone, all while entertaining a rather clingy Lily. 

[ San to You ] How are you? 

It’s been a couple of hours since you’ve made any message to him. It’s become the topic on his mind, being battled out by two opposing sides of: you’re probably busy or something’s wrong. There was another possibility that he didn’t consider until now: both. For his peace of mind and hopefully yours, he writes up a message for you.

[ San to You ] Babe, don’t stress about the food! Leave it up to me, just come back into my arms okay? 

[ San to You ] San_Duck.jpg

He looks at the time, he remembers you mentioning that you’ll be back by ten in the evening. That’s roughly five more hours of waiting and lounging about. He treasures the moments of silence and alone time he gets regardless of where he is: they’re a rarity in his field of work. His phone’s barely ringing from anything work related, but it rings when it comes to game invites. Who was he to turn down a match or two with his dear friends? 

For the next hour or two, he manages to entertain himself with a few games, all while Lily finds entertainment in his hoodie’s zipper. The only reason he stops is because Lily was about to pull his hoodie off from her insistent pulling and tossing about. “Alright alright, you’re really just like your owner huh?” He jokes under his breath as he stands up to play with the feline this time. 

In between playing with her, San manages to get some snacks in his system. With only less than three hours left before you arrive home, he orders take out for dinner for the two of you. 

All that’s left now is to wait. 

It’s already eleven. The food’s a little cold now, the ice cream and alcohol are in the fridge. Maybe he should heat it up again? Are you okay? He doesn’t know if he should worry or go out and look for you. Even Lily’s restlessly swishing her tail about by the door. He looks at his phone and your message comes in right on time. 

[ You to San ] Sorry work ended late.

[ You to San ] I couldn’t buy your favorites too.. 

Something definitely happened at work but he won’t ask through text. You’ll tell him anyways. 

[ San to You ] It’s fine! I’ll heat up our food ^^

When he stands up and picks up the food from the table, Lily looks up at him unblinking. “They’ll be late but they’re on their way home.” He replies, a bit of an attempt to reassure himself as well, while heating up the chicken and other meals he bought. 

You arrive at home at nearly midnight. Your bag being dropped somewhere in the hallway. The drop startled both San and Lily. He immediately jumps to his feet and peeks into the hallway, you’re there against the wall, running your fingers through your hair. He notes how you’re trying to pace your breathing. “Babe…?” He calls you softly, worry obvious in his eyes as he takes a careful step forward. “What’s going--” you run into his arms, and slowly, his shirt feels a little damp. A little surprised by the turn of events, he glances at Lily. The feline says nothing but approaches you, gently butting her head against your leg. Even she was worried by the sudden burst of tears. “Hey… let’s sit down, you’ve had a long day.” San ushers gently. He doesn’t make a move until you cry out the initial frustrations. 

He sits down first, letting you sit in between his legs, almost cradling you as you try your utmost best to stop crying. Lily pads over to the both of you, hopping onto the couch to keep an eye on you especially. San doesn’t say anything, letting you cry as much as you can, proving back rubs whenever your body shakes from tears you try to hold on to. 

Whenever his hand’s on your back, the tears keep flowing. No matter how hard you try to use your usual methods to stop crying, it still keeps going. “Need tissue..” you mumble through your sniffles. Already your boyfriend has one in his hand and he wipes your tears first, before attending to your nose. He reassures you to take your time, that you don’t need to tell him if you don’t have the strength to talk about it. Besides the reassurances, he reminds you to eat too. That’s when you realize you’ve been on an empty stomach for a long while now. You shift in his arms just to get some food in your system. 

As the two of you eat, the walls you tried to keep up earlier, come down. You tell him of a horrible meeting that set everyone a week back which could mean a longer delay down the line. It’s not your fault, you say over and over, wanting to believe your own innocence. No matter what you did to avoid this situation, it still happened because of uncooperative talents who decided not to tell anyone of their plans. Yet it fell on you, you were the point person for both sides yet because of their inability to communicate, the brunt of the chaos fell on you. All the pent up stress you kept away from San bursted today after that horrific meeting. The reason you left late was due to all the follow up meetings to rearrange the timeline of projects. The constant frustration and disappointment from everyone and yourself just broke you. As you explain, your voice breaks again that you had to put down the potato wedge. You try to control yourself again. You’ve cried too much. 

San has none of your insistent need to control yourself. He whispers soft praises and words of comfort. “It’s okay.” he would say as he feeds chicken pops to you. “You did everything you can and I’m proud of you still.” He would remind you as he urges you to drink water.  “Let me know who these are and I’ll give them an earful.” He threatens. While it sounds empty to the two of you, he knows just what to do should he know who these were. At one point, the tears continue again and he wonders just how much you’ve tried to keep from him no matter how many times he asks. Your lover sighs a little, pained to see you in such a position but he knows you need to let out all the things you’ve kept inside. He lets you cry it out but he also makes sure to wipe the tears that continue to run down your already tear stained cheeks. He could only imagine just how heavy you feel. “Can you look at me?” San asks gently. It takes a few heart beats but you eventually do. Eyes shining still with tears that have yet to shed, yet you manage to still have that flame in you to keep going. “Today’s one bad day. That’s okay.” he starts, cupping your cheeks because of how often you look away whenever he gets into these moods. He needs you to keep his eyes on him this time, just once. “Tomorrow’s another day. Another beginning. Your co-workers are aware now of how insufferable those talents are. They’ll come to their senses to apologize to you.” A small smile flickers in his serious visage when he hears you laugh a bit at his choice of words. “Also, it’s okay to cry. Don’t hold it in to yourself. Even if we’re both always so busy, you can talk to me or Jiwoo.” A meow comes from behind you and it makes the two of you look at Lily, pacing around the couch. “Of course, Lily’s here as well.” His thumbs run across your cheeks ever so carefully, wiping away the tear stains. “Promise me at least? Anything that bothers you, talk to anyone about it, even me.” 

You lean into his touch, your hands rest over his ever so lightly. At his words, your chest tightens at how worried he is for you. Your eyes close again, breathing slowly. “I will.” You say simply. It doesn’t surprise you anymore when you feel San’s lips flutter over your eyes, your cheeks, then your nose. The ticklish yet comforting feeling causes giggles to bubble out from your lips. Yet you don’t say anything, still so shy by how close he is to you. He doesn’t pull away yet, and you can’t open your eyes just yet. You can feel his gaze on you though and it makes you squirm a little, self conscious and curious of what’s San looking at exactly. His words, barely above a whisper, makes you sit still in between his legs. 

“Can I kiss you?” It didn’t take much for you to understand where he wanted to kiss you. For a moment you bite your bottom lip in thought at such a question. In your exhausted state, his question brings your brain out of the fog enough to make you nod. 

The kiss isn’t like those in dramas. There’s no music that plays in the background, no fireworks. It was just silence in your room and your heart beat in your ears. It’s not like the pop songs that talk of sweet lollipops and chocolate flavored kisses. This tasted of dried tears and take out food but it was familiar. It’s not like the books where they describe just how soft their lover’s lips were. This was a little chapped and rough but it felt so right. The kiss was a little clumsy, noses bumping along the way but it was something that made your day a little better. 

You never thought you could melt under someone’s affections and love. But here you are, feeling a little weak in his hold, wanting more of his lips against yours until either of you pull away for air. 

It takes a moment before the two of you pull away from the kiss. It wasn’t the most ideal situation to do so but it just happened naturally. He wished he could take the pain away from you but that’s not how life works. This was the best thing he could think of to comfort you. You lean against his forehead, a smile so faint, so soft, it reminds him of pillows just before sleep takes him. “Thank you.” You say softly. “Thank you for being with me.” 

You didn’t realize that your hands have slid over to loosely grip his shirt. 

 He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer as he tilts his head just a little, just to kiss the corner of your lips. “Anything for you.” He simply says. There’s relief in his shoulders when he sees how you’ve stopped crying, how the rain clouds in your head have cleared up. Giggles bubble out of your lips, slowly the you that the two of you know comes back. 

“Can I take a shower? I want to be in my pajamas.” You say, slowly regaining your surroundings. You were still rather hungry but you want the comfort of fresh new clothes. 

“Go ahead. I can clean up from here. I’ll see you in bed then?” he asks as the two of you stand up, putting all the bones and other trash in one bag. You press a quick peck on his cheek as thanks, scampering off quickly before you could see the shocked look on his face. It takes him a moment to get back to reality. “Ah, what am I going to do with you..” He asks to no one in particular. He feels Lily’s eyes on him, her ears flicking in what he assumes could be amusement. “What? I’m in love with them.”

--------

The two of you are finally in bed, getting ready to wind down. “What’s your schedule tomorrow? Er, well, today.” He asks as he towel dries your hair. 

“I come in at noon, they said they’ll look through the records as protocol.” You say simply. Now that your head’s clearer, you know that this won’t mean the end of your career with the production house. It could mean some reprimands but it’s not the end of the world for you. 

“Okay good, at least you get some sleep.” He muses, satisfied now with how dry your hair is now. He carefully combs through your locks.

“San If you keep that up, I’ll fall asleep on you like this.” How you managed to say that through a yawn was beyond you. 

“That’s okay, I can carry you.” He says without missing a beat but he stops either way, putting away the towel and comb. “Tell you what, by next week, let’s have dinner with the boys.” 

It’s a good idea. You miss the boys already and you wonder how they’ve been since the shoot. “Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll send you my schedule when we wake up then we can plan it from there?” 

The two of you shift a little in bed and as always, San’s arms finds their home around your waist, pulling you a little closer than usual tonight. “Sleep well, babe.” He murmurs softly against your neck. In return, you squeeze his hand just a bit. 

“You too, Sannie.” Tomorrow’s a new day. As long as you can have him, you can take on anything.

Relationships might be tricky but you’ll make it work.

Part 10

[generallybarzy]

hey there, stranger. v

one, two, three, four

an: originally, I was going to end the story after part iv. That was as far as I had planned it and it felt like the perfect end, but everyone loved it so much (thank you all for your feedback, especially @fallinallincurls ily 🥺) and expressed their need to see where mat and mc go in their relationship, so back by popular demand is “hey there, stranger”! I’m sorry if things aren’t as fluffy as usual, but i promise i’ll only break your hearts a bit. I was in a mood when planning, and I have some tough things coming ahead. I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible, so I'm also basing it on irl experiences I've had and I'm digging a little deeper into mc's backstory. This is definitely going to turn into a little bit more than the comfort fluffy fic I originally planned it to be. Its gonna be a lot more complex than that. As always, feedback and commentary is appreciated!!! I don't have a Thanksgiving themed blurb written like I wanted to, so hopefully this'll hold you over until Smile Like Sunshine comes out 😌

word count: 3k

the playlist :)

Two months. 

You blinked. 

It had been two months since Rebecca Seidenberg set you up with her husband’s young teammate. It had been two months since you sat in that coffee shop in the cool mid-September and watched with stars in your eyes as Mat first approached your table as a stranger. It had been two months since you started texting each other nonstop, with the occasional date between his games and practices and your class and work. How had two months passed already? How had things gone so fast? Ended up here? Why does this already feel so intense? Why does it scare you so much?

Your eyes opened. 

You could feel the bed dip beside you as Mat rolled over, his nose in your hair, his arm slung around your waist, and you turned to gaze at him in all his beauty. He was still fast asleep, his breaths coming in little puffs of air against your face, his lips turned up at one corner in a tiny, content smile, and his hair looking especially fluffy and soft this morning, falling in delicate waves over his forehead and tickling your skin as the pale morning light shone in his window. It was a look that would have made you smile. 

But not this morning. 

Your heartbeat sped up as you untangled yourself from him as quickly and delicately as you could, needing to feel your own limbs separate from his, needing space, space, more space. You slipped away from his skin, your cheeks red and your head spinning and your heart pounding. You stepped back from the bed, watching his sleeping face as the arm that had been around you found its place around a pillow instead, pulling it closer. After a few seconds to make sure he wouldn't wake up yet, you searched his room frantically for where your clothes had been set the night before, tripping over his own things and cursing him for being so messy, even though it was cute in a boyish, Mat kinda way.

You glanced back at him in bed, his hair haloed out on the pillow, a dark contrast to the soft white duvet and pillow cases, his skin looking warm and kissable. You thought about waking him up for a moment, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to see you leave. You didn’t want him to beg you to stay. 

The kiss was lingering in the air, your bodies warm and flush despite the cold mid-November air, as Mat mumbled against your lips. "Stay the night?" 

"Mat, I-" You had class in the morning, he had practice in the morning, you were too afraid to be that close and that intimate and that vulnerable with anybody ever, let alone this early in a relationship. But how could you voice that?

"I'll set an alarm." His eyes- warm and golden and searching gently- scanned over your face, looking for any sign you weren't okay but missing the obvious one completely. He was always so soft in his questions. So polite, so patient, so oblivious. You couldn't say no to him. 

"Okay." 

A familiar smile tugged his lips up, a boyish, giddy grin that had you smiling as well. He was just too cute. He leaned down to press another kiss, chaste and delicate, against your lips. The feeling was something new, something that would take a while to get used to. He laced his fingers through yours.

"So, our first sleepover, huh?"

You pulled your leggings on as fast as you could and gathered up your belongings, stumbling out his bedroom door quietly, hoping he was still fast asleep in bed and had no idea you ran out this early. Finally taking the time to glance at your phone, you noticed it was 5:48am, still 4 hours until your first class of the day. You had been awake all night, you were sure, and had left the moment you saw the sun peak over the horizon. 

You couldn’t explain exactly why you were leaving so soon, so frantically, but something inside of you was begging you to run. From Mat, from his apartment, from this building. Back to where you were familiar and comfortable and safe. Safe, safe, safe. As much as you hated it, you still couldn’t feel safe in anybody’s arms, not even Mat’s. Not even when you craved so desperately to be loved by him and to love him back. Your heart and body craved his touch, his skin, his warmth, but your brain rejected it. You didn’t feel safe yet. You still couldn’t hold Mat or be held by Mat without thinking of him. 

You glanced around Mat’s apartment as you finally closed his bedroom door behind you, your mind drifting to the night before.

“So,” He laughed nervously and dropped his hand to rub the back of his neck as he opened the door. He was just a bit shy to show you around, his cheeks going pink, despite the ever-present grin that told you just how happy he was to have you here with him. Shyness was cute on him. “So this is my place.”  

The door swung open and he let you step in before him, taking in your new surroundings. Your boyfriend’s place. It wasn’t dirty at all. In fact, it was cleaner than you expected for a young, rich bachelor like him, but it was obvious he hadn’t lived on his own before, and was used to just letting it all out. Not used to having visitors. Any girls he brought home would be too caught up in the fact that he was hot and successful to care if he had some socks on the floor or some dishes in the sink. But under the hint of boyish mess, it was obvious this apartment was expensive. You knew from the second you stepped inside the apartment building that you would never be able to afford a place like this, but seeing it now… all the way from how spacious it was and beautiful the light color scheme was to the pale floorboards to the white marble of the island countertops to the huge windows looking out into the million dollar view of the city. Few people in New York City could afford a view like this. 

“Wow.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding?” You looked back at him, at the dumb modest smile on his face. “Mat, I will never, ever in my life be able to afford this. And you have this place all by yourself at twenty-two?” He just shrugged, finally shutting the door behind him and taking your bag off your shoulder, setting it on the countertop. “It’s so pretty.”

“I mean, I didn’t decorate it. I flew my mom in to help. That’s all her.” 

It made you smile, the thought of such a big-time NHL player flying his mom across the continent just so she could help him decorate his place. It was always a good sign to see someone with such a healthy family relationship. It was so intimate and beautiful to get to see this side of Mat. This was his home. This was where he fell asleep, woke up, brushed his teeth, ate breakfast, sat on the couch to watch TV. This was his private life. And now you were in on it. 

“It’s not that amazing, anyway. It’s big and expensive, but that’s no fun if I’m all alone.” His eyes caught yours, his fingers found their way back between yours. “How about we… recreate earlier tonight? Maybe watch The Office like you mentioned the other week?”

Your breath caught in the throat, but you squeezed his hand. “We can do that.”

You could kick yourself now, for giving in so easily. You wanted to hug him and kiss him and hold him, but another part of your head was so scared to jump in so fast, that you almost said no. You almost said no, but how could you follow him the whole way to his apartment, kiss him, tease him like that, and then deny him anything else? How could you say no? You cast a glance towards the couch that you had spent so much time on the night before, curled up in Mat’s arms, unbelievably tense and nervous and awkward. There was no way it had been enjoyable for him. It certainly wasn’t for you. 

With your heart aching and needy, you gave one last glance back through his apartment, listening carefully to see if you could hear any soft snores from his bedroom- you couldn’t- before slipping on your shoes and slipping into the hallway, locking the door behind you so that you couldn’t even get back in if you changed your mind.  

You were torn.

Mat arms were curled around your waist, your back was pressed against his chest as you snuggled under the blanket and watched all the shenanigans the characters were going through in The Office. If you could even call this snuggling. You couldn’t help how tense you were and how hard your heart was beating. 

“You comfy?” Mat’s nose pressed to the top of your head, squeezing you lightly. He must have noticed.

“Sorry, just not used to this.”

“Well, you better get used to it.” He laughed a little bit and you smiled too. As nervous as you were, you couldn’t deny how nice it felt to finally have someone to hold again, even if you might end up hurt in the end. “Would you be more comfy if you took your bra off?” 

You almost choked on your own spit. "What?"

"I mean, I'm not gonna make you take it off, and I don't know what it’s like to wear one, but from what I’ve heard, there's no way it’s comfortable to sleep in."

"Well, I don't want my boobs pressed all over you."

"I want that." His cheeks went a little pink and his eyes widened. He shook his head and laughed, brushing off what he just admitted. "No no no that’s not what I meant. Sorry, I just want you to be comfy. I want you to feel at home around me." 

“Hmm, I do feel at home around you.” 

“Good.” His lips found your forehead, an action that was starting to feel more and more natural after your very first kiss earlier that night. You were just beginning to relax some more when the episode finished and Netflix asked you for the third time that night “Are You Still Watching?”. You hand found Mat’s arm and you shifted to roll over and face him, smiling up at his face when your hair tickled his nose. “Hey there, baby.”

“Hey.”

“Think it’s time to go to bed?” 

You couldn’t explain it. You couldn’t explain why you felt this way, You had complained for months about how lonely you were, how dating never went well for you, but the moment you met Mat, you refused to believe it. Mat was amazing. You’d never felt this much, this soon about anyone else in your life. Only once had the feelings gotten so near to this intensity, and you could still remember how painful it turned out. It still haunts you every day, no matter how much you tried to escape it. Mat was so perfect to you, too perfect to you, that there was no way this was real. Nothing is this perfect. Nothing was this easy and flawless and simple. Things didn’t just fall into place like this. Not for you. So as you lay in Mat’s bed that night, his arm around your waist and his breath warm against your head, not even realizing what had slipped from his lips in his half-asleep daze, you realized: this was way moving too fast. Mat was going way too fast, and you weren’t there yet. 

You came to regret your decision to leave so soon before you even made it down to the front door of his apartment building, and a few minutes later you found yourself in the back of a Taxi, gazing wistfully at Mat’s contact number and knowing he was still blissfully asleep, thinking you were still in his arms. 

And as you drove away, Mat was waking up in bed alone, like always, and wondering what he had done wrong. 

---

You moved almost like a zombie through your first classes of the day, luckily you could just go home and read the textbooks and pretty much understand the whole lecture, and the first time you spoke was when you went out for lunch with your roommate and best friend. She found you in the popular campus coffee shop, your forehead down on the table and your hair a mess, your backpack of textbooks tossed haphazardly on the floor beside you. “Woah, girl, rough night?” 

“Fuck.” 

“Can I take a guess and say it has to do with this perfect guy you’ve been seeing?” 

“Ugh, Maggie……”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She sat down across from you as you finally lifted your head, only to slump back in the booth, still dwelling on the thought of what had happened the night before. “So, tell me what’s up.”

“Well, I’m running on zero sleep right now.” 

“Shit, did you sleep together last night?” 

“No, no! Girl, you know me better than that.” She held up her hands in mock surrender. 

“Hey, he sounds so perfect, I would have sucked his dick by now.” You laughed at her antics, always one to make you smile. “Well, then what happened?”

“We just… I told you we were babysitting together, right? We… walked to his place afterwards and…. We kissed.” She squealed for you across the table, but you continued on. “I stayed at his place all night. We just… cuddled and watched The Office.”

“You’re dead-ass living the dream!! Why do you look so down???” 

“Well, he uhhh…”  Your memory from last night flooded back to you.

You were curled up in his bed, his intoxicating scent surrounding you, his big arms engulfing you, his big Islanders hoodie swallowing you up. You were so overwhelmed by him all around you, but overwhelmed in the best way possible. His arms were around your waist, one of your was slung over his waist while the other stroked his dark hair away from his face. He smiled at you, half-asleep, and hummed in content. “I like when you touch my hair. S’cozy.” 

“I like touching your hair. It’s really soft.”

“Mmmm.” You could see the snow falling against the window, and snuggled further into his arms. For the first time since you started cuddling, you felt truly safe and warm and cared for. Like he was the first man to ever care about you like this. His hand was big and warm on the small of your back, pulling you into him so gently, so easily, but for once you weren’t afraid of the contact. Like all the hesitation you had, all the walls you had built up had crumbled down for him. You were both drifting off to sleep when a tiny mumble filled your ears, barely comprehensible as it tumbled from the dreaming man’s lips. 

“I love you...”

“Oh shit, (Y/N).”

“I know it’s bad.” You felt guilty, thinking back now, but Maggie knew your history, so hopefully she’d understand. “I feel shitty about it, but I panicked. I didn’t get any sleep. And ran off this morning and I haven’t answered any texts from him since then.” 

“Okay, that’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry for being uncomfortable when your boundaries are overstepped. But you gotta communicate those boundaries with him. And what he said, that’s a big deal, okay? Especially this early. So I get why you feel it's going too fast. It’s definitely something you definitely have to talk about. I get why you freaked out, but ignoring him isn’t going to make it better. He sounds like a genuine guy who means good but is just… a little too much for you. You just gotta talk it out.” 

You opened your phone to the messages he sent over the last few hours since you left, and only felt worse and worse.

maty: “where’d you go??”

maty: “what’s wrong??”

maty: “ohhh you probably have class?”

maty: “you should’ve woken me up, I would have taken you, i had to get up for practice anyway”

maty: "i don't like waking up alone."

maty: “are we hanging later on??”

maty: “i was late for practice, trotz is gonna kill me haha”

maty: “are you there??”

maty: “baby?????” 

maty: "what did i do???"

His hurt was evident in each message, and it made you feel like shit to read it, but your friend was right. You needed to talk. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, girl. All I want is to see you happy with the guy you’re with. This guy seems like a keeper.” You smiled, and before you could continue on, she smiled. “One more question: Is he an Islanders fan?” 

You shook your head, confused as to what made her ask and smiled internally to yourself slightly at the little fact about him that you had kept secret. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, cause I know you’re not really into sports, so who’s hoodie is that?” 

You glanced down curiously and realized that, in your frantic rush to get dressed, you had forgotten that the hoodie you had worn to bed the night before wasn’t yours. No, it was much too big to be yours. The familiar blue with “Islanders Hockey” across the chest was a dead giveaway that you had accidentally stolen Mathew’s hoodie. 

“Oh,” you fumbled and reached up to play with the strings. “Yeah, he’s a fan.” 

Your friend just smiled and gave you once last look before urging you with one last whisper of “text him” and stood up to leave the table. After a long, deep breath, you picked up your phone with shaky hands, pressed his contact and typed out the words that scared you so much, watching the typing bubbles appear.

you: “Can we talk?”

maty: . . .

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

it’s not love, we’re just drunk (Mingi/Smut/angst?)

A/N: I was on a BLOO listening spree and well. Here we are. So this one is also kinda sad, so I titled it angst with a question mark because well... I don’t really know what it is

Tags: Smut, drunk sex, heartbreak

Word count: 3858

It’s kind of beautiful, how painfully oblivious people can be to other’s feelings. More beautifully painfull. The type of painful that really sits in your chest and festers, almost like a bad cold.

It was the type of pain you felt now, looking at Mingi as he smiled brightly. You really didn’t feel like you had the right to feel this way. There was no way he was yours and you two weren’t even that close in reality. You just had similar circles and that was why you saw him as much as you did. That was what got you into this mess. You wished you could blame him, but he didn’t mean to make you fall in love with him. 

Your finger tip circled the top of your beer bottle and you sighed to yourself. He was just so animated, telling the story of how odd he thought Yunho was when he first met him. You were probably sitting the furthest away from him, wanting to avoid falling in love with him further. As if sitting at a distance would help.

Mingi stopped laughing, letting out a deep breath and leaning back. “I need another beer. Anyone else? You? You?” He went around the group and asked. “Y/N?” He asked, knocking you out of your trance and you looked up from your bottle. You locked eyes with him for a split second before immediately dropping your gaze back to the bottle. “No I’m good.” You said and he moved on to the kitchen to grab more. 

“You’re pitifull.” Wooyoung said and his insult caught you off guard. “What?” You said and looked at him. He started laughing before fully turning to you. “You are pitifull. You can’t even look him in the eye.” He said and you shook your head. “Shut up. It’s none of your business.” You told him and put your bottle on the table. “So touchy about it too.” He added and you glared at him. “I’m one comment away from hurting you. Stop it.” You said and Mingi came back the bottles clinking against eachother. “If he’s bullying you again, Y/n, I can set him straight.” Mingi joked and you just feigned a smile. “Stop bullying them.” Mingi joked and looked at you and Wooyoung before passing everyone who wanted drinks theirs. 

The night drew to an end and you went to the bathroom before leaving Mingi’s apartment. Drying your hands, you exited into the hall and bumped into someone’s chest. Looking up to see Mingi, you immediately looked down. “Oh y/n, you’re still here?” Mingi said, his words slurring slightly. He was a little tipsy, it was no surprise really. He had drank quite a bit. “Yeah, I just went to the bathroom before we leave.” You said with a confused look. “Oh, everyone left already.” Mingi said scratching the back of his head. “Of course they did.” You muttered to yourself. 

You weren’t even surprised at this point. They always got so caught up with eachother they tended to not pay attention to things around them. It stung a little but it wasn’t anything new. 

“Well I guess I should go.” You said and brushed past him. “Hey, are you good to go home alone?” He asked turning to watch you scramble and put on your coat. “I should be fine.” You said and he hummed. “I would walk you home but I might not get back okay myself.” He said with a laugh, oh yeah he was definitely tipsy. You felt incredibly awkward, standing with your coat on and your bag in your hand. Mingi looked at you with questioning eyes, his hand on the back of his neck. 

“Right! I was leaving.” You said, snapping out of your trance and turning to the door. “See you next time!” You said and left as fast as possible. Mingi pouted his lips in confusion before shrugging your awkward actions off and turning to his room to go to bed. 

You pressed your back against his apartment door, a deep sigh leaving you as you did so. It was all frustration, the tears streaming down your cheeks, the pain you felt in your chest, all just frustration.

Wiping your face, you pushed yourself off of the door. You had to start coming to terms with the fact that Mingi would remain oblivious and that you would never have the courage to tell him that you were hopelessly in love with him. 

The next get together wasn’t really a get together, but a big party. Mingi never shyed away from a party. You however, were more hesitant and it took a bit of convincing on Wooyoung and San’s part. But they got you there. 

“Who else is coming tonight?” Mingi asked as his friend group sat spread over the couch. His apartment was full with people he barely knew but invited anyways, just because he could. “Yeah, y/n is coming too. She should be here any minute.” San said and Mingi nodded. “Cool, do you guys know if I did something wrong? She was acting really weird the other day.” Wooyoung and San exchanged glances. “Uhm, you didn’t do anything wrong...” Wooyoung said and Mingi looked at the others with a cocked eyebrow. “Well then what did I do?” He asked still confused as to what was going on. 

“I don’t know if we’re at liberty to say.” San explained, looking at the floor. “Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Your voice came from behind the group, scaring San and Wooyoung. You barely got a greeting and you immediately got the feeling like you walked into something you shouldn’t have. 

“I can leave again if you want?” You said with a laugh and Mingi stood up from his chair, grabbing your hand. “Nooo, come sit with me.” He said and pulled you towards him. Your cheeks and ears turned bright red, sitting down next to him. It was hard to not notice how your legs touched his and that his shoulder was very snug against yours. 

Mingi was oddly touchy the whole evening, fearing he did something and finding this the way to make it up to you. The alcohol was also flowing quite freely, Mingi drinking quite a bit and you following suit. You felt so awkward with Mingi’s touchiness, you needed the alcohol to loosen up. Being around him, so close, was making you nervous. 

It didn’t take you long to feel a bit drunk, a bit more comfortable except you were 10 times more aware of Mingi’s hand falling onto your thigh. You pressed your back against the back of the couch, feeling the sudden urge to shrink away as Mingi casually talked. His hand still on your thigh, squeezing slightly. It amazed you how casual he was being while you were dying inside at his touch. 

You looked at Wooyoung, who took notice of your face and he couldn’t help but laugh. You hardly ever got physical attention from Mingi and now you were getting quite intimate attention and you felt like you were going to combust. 

Mingi finally pulled his hand from your thigh, he hadn’t really been aware it was there, but he wasn’t bothered by his own actions. Actually, he really didn’t put much thought into any of his actions that evening. It was partially the reason why you were left feeling humiliated the next day. 

The party raged on and you kept to yourself, still keeping notice of how touchy Mingi was. It gave you hope, false hope, but hope none the less. Mingi turned to look at you as the rest of the group had spread out around the room, he had a goofy smile on his face. A goofy smile you seemingly loved even more now that you were drunk. 

“You know look really pretty tonight.” He said and his words made your heart flutter. You opened your mouth to say something, only for him to cut you off. “Did I do something wrong? You have been acting weird lately.” His words were slurred but you felt them. “No, I’ve just been in my feelings lately.” You said and Mingi nodded, only really half understanding you. His hand creeped back on your thigh, he didn’t know why but he felt the need to make things up to you.

He didn’t find you unattractive, quite on the contrary. He thought you were stunning, but he never really felt romantically attached to you. But Mingi wasn’t a saint, he admitted he lusted over you sometimes and right now, you were looking absolutely fantastic. 

His hand on your thigh trailed up, toying with the hem of your t-shirt. Your breath hitched in your throat and you looked up, eyes immediately locking with Mingi’s intense ones.  

“Mingi~” You started and he leaned forward. He kissed you softly at first, testing the waters and leaving you speechless. His lips were soft and gentle, everything you thought they would be and they tasted of cheap beer. When you looked at him after, any little thought of sanity left in you was gone. You had imagined this moment in your brain for so long and it was finally happening, drunk you wasn’t going to stop it. 

The hand on the hem of your shirt moved to grip your waist, pulling you over his lap and having you straddle him. His actions surprised you, but you didn’t have time to be very surprised as his lips slammed into yours again. Mingi couldn’t help but revel in the surprised whimper that left your mouth, definitely fueling how needy he was in that moment. 

It seemed like everyone else in the room had disappeared, you were too focussed. But you were hardly the only people making out with eachother, so you both didn’t feel too self conscious. 

“About time.” Wooyoung said, smacking San on the shoulder and pointing to you and Mingi on the couch. His hand was now firmly on your ass, moving your hips over his. Yunho heard Wooyoung speak and turned to look at the scene as well. “Took time but finally looks like their together.” San said and Yunho couldn’t help but laugh. The other two looked at the taller male in confusion. “Oh you two were serious. Look there’s no way they are together, maybe for tonight but not for a relationship. Mingi isn’t into her like that.” Yunho said and Wooyoung looked at San with worried eyes. Yunho read their expressions, it taking him a minute to realise what they meant. “Noooo, that’s why she was acting weird around him. She likes him?” Yunho asked, looking back at you two. “Like is an understatement.” San said and Wooyoung ran his fingers through his hair with stress. 

You however were completely oblivious as Mingi’s tongue dipped over your lips. Even though you could taste the alcohol, he still tasted sweet. Your fingers moved to his hair, pulling on the tresses as his own hands kneaded your ass. He was starting to get hard and he was pressing against you. A small whine coming from your lips when he pulled away. God, he looked amazing. 

“Let’s move to my room.”  He said, and moved you off of him so he could stand. You were suddenly painfully aware of the full room of people, looking at the crowd and the fact that you had a full makeout session seemingly in front of everyone. 

Mingi looked at you on the couch with a cocked eyebrow, his hand extended for you to take. You hardly hesitated, wanting to get away from the group of people and also wanting him. Your neediness really prevailing and Mingi’s hard on being pretty prominent in his jeans. 

Wooyoung watched as Mingi lead you away from the party, not knowing what to do. Judging by the way you two were stumbling, you were both were completely drunk and too far gone to listen to any reason. Wooyoung slumped back against the wall in defeat as he watched Mingi’s bedroom door shut. 

Mingi had a dopey smile on his face as he sat down on his bed. Standing inbetween his legs, you looked down on him. That dopey smile, that darned dopey smile. You mimicked it before bending down to kiss him again, his hands undoing the button of your jeans. Messily kicking your shoes off, you never disconnected your lips. You never wanted to disconnect them, it felt too good. 

You kicked your jeans off and sunk down onto your knees. Mingi’s bottom lip caught between his teeth as you fiddled with his jeans. Working them down his legs, slowly. You were taking your time, drunk you still wanted to savor the moment. 

Mingi hissed as your fingers danced over his full thighs, thighs you caught yourself staring at often. Your hand moved over his boxers, rubbing him through the fabric and taking hold of his cock. “God, please do something.” He whined and you couldn’t help but giggle. You felt so powerfull. 

You pulled his boxers down and admired the way his cock hit his stomach. You grabbed him gently, kitten licking the tip from between his thighs. You noticed how he fisted the sheets on his bed and looked down at you through furrowed brows. Grabbing his hands, you moved them to hold your hair in a ponytail. 

“Hold onto that instead.” You said and Mingi groaned, tugging your hair slightly. “Fuck I love you.” The words came out before he could register and had you nearly frozen, trying to keep your cool. The words didn’t have meaning, not for him at least. “I mean, it’s not love. We’re just drunk.” He laughed off and you just shook it off, trying to ignore how badly the words stung. 

You wrapped your lips around him fully, distracting yourself from the pain in your chest. Fisting your ponytail, he pushed you down further earning a gutteral moan from him. He was big, hurting your jaw slightly but you took him further. His sounds were worth it. 

You took what you couldn’t fit into your hand, using the other one to hold onto his thigh. Mingi’s hips bucking into your mouth, you flattened your tongue along the underside of him. His grip on your hair being tightened as he pulled you off of him with a pop. You both locked eyes for a moment before he released your hair. “Not yet, I’m gonna cum.” He said and you nodded before standing up fully. You lifted your top off of you and tossed it on to the floor. He followed suit, stripping himself of his shirt as well. 

All your actions from this point on were thoughtless, you were drunk, you were hurting and you just wanted to savor the moment. 

Mingi pulled you back onto his lap and kissed you harshly, teeth clashing slightly and his hands exploring your newly exposed skin. Moving up your chest, he squeezed your boobs through your bra before slipping his hands underneath, massaging the flesh. You hummed against his lips, pulling away from him slightly. His hands got a bit more aggressive squeezing your chest as his lips moved down your neck. Teetch grazing over your skin and sucking harshly, leaving marks for you to look at the next day. 

You reached behind you and unclipped your bra, allowing the straps to slip down your shoulders before tossing it somewhere. Normally you would have been shy, but modesty was thrown out the window. “You’re eager.” Mingi mumbled against the skin of your collarbones, another mark being sucked into your skin. You threw your head back slowly, you felt so good. Mingi’s skin on yours was everything you thought it would be. 

The hand slipping into your panties surprised you, making you grip onto his shoulders. Mingi couldn’t help but find your reactions to him amusing, something he didn’t really expect from you. Your nails dug into his shoulders as he rubbed your clit slowly, teasingly. Drawing out small mewls from you, Mingi watched you intently. He aimed to please. 

“Fuck, Mingi.” You moaned, your lips right by his ears. “Fuck.” He responded, and pushed you onto his bed. You watched him scramble to his bedside table, opening the drawer and pushing some stuff around before pulling out that familiar shiny packet. You watched him roll it on, looking down at himself with his dyed red hair falling into his eyes. 

“Hands and knees.” He demanded, turning his attention back to you. You pulled your panties off and followed orders, feeling suddenly way wetter than before. It was amazing how responsive you were to him. He stood behind you, hands moving over your ass and hips. “God you’re pretty.” He said, slapping your ass lightly. 

He teased your entrance, running his tip up and down over your slit. One hand wrapped around the base of his cock and the other holding your hip for leverage. You whined slightly as he teased you, your elbows giving in. Your knew position made you arch your back more, making Mingi feel incredibly satisfied at your position. 

He slipped himself into you, moving slowly until he bottomed out completely. A groan ringing out from behind you while you gripped the sheets underneath you. Adjusting to his size, you pressed into him further. You just wanted him to move, you just wanted him to fuck you silly before you both came to your senses. 

“Please move.” You whined, pressing yourself against him as much as you could. Mingi nearly pulled out of you completely before before slamming his hips into yours. This was heaven. You gripped the sheets as he kept the brutal pace, drawing himself almost completely out of you everytime. 

You were a mewling mess, his name slipping out inbetween whimpers. You glanced behind you and caught Mingi’s expression. His lips were parted and hair was sticking to his forhead a little. His eyes were focussed as he chased his high and yours and if that wasn’t enough to cum, the hand that came up and gripped your hair was definitely helping. 

You felt yourself tighten around him, earning a deep groan from him. “Are you gonna cum?” He asked, leaning down and over you. You could only manage a weak nod coupled with a whimper. 

“Good, cum for me.” He said, his hand moving from your hair down to your clit. Rubbing circles over you, Mingi seemed to pick up the pace. His own high fast approaching. “Fuck,fuck, fuck, MIngi-” You nearly chanted, feeling yourself cum and yourself clamping down on him. 

His hips stilled and he sat holding your hips as he calmed down. His chest falling and rising heavily as he came down from his own high. You were absolutely spent, barely finding the energy to look at him. Your mind was a little fuzzy and you really were only aware of the ache that now settled between your legs.

Mingi moved away from you, throwing the condom in the trash before settling in bed. You hid your face in the pillow, you were almost scared he was going to throw you out. Even though you knew he wasn’t like that, it was just a fear in the back of your mind. You peaked at him and admired him for a minute. He looked tired. 

Mingi turned over onto his stomach, his arm wrapping around your waist as he did so. “God, I’m still so drunk.” He said and made you laugh. He moved his face closer to your shoulder, lacing lazy kisses over your bare skin. It was all so nice, too nice. 

It didn’t take long before you were both asleep, surprisingly wrapped in Mingi’s arms and you hated how much you were enjoying it. He was so touchy after sex, something you never expected. 

It also didn’t take long for the morning to roll around and for all your bliss to get stripped away from you. Reaching for your phone in your jeans on the floor, you tried not to wake a snoring Mingi. You felt so weird, your head was aching, your legs were aching and your thoughts were fuzzy. You could remember sleeping with Mingi, you remembered every detail and you felt odd. What did this mean for you two?

You checked your phone, seeing some messages from Wooyoung and San telling you to text call them when you could. You knew it probably had to do with the situation you had gotten yourself into the night before.

“Goodmorning.” His deep voice rang, scaring you slightly. He chuckled at the way you jumped before burrying his face into his pillow. “Goodmorning.” You said and looked at him. “Is it just me or is the room spinning?” He asked and you pulled the blankets up a little higher. The air in the room was awkward and you didn’t know whether to engage is small talk or not. 

“It’s not just you.” You said and he turned over to look at the ceiling. Mingi glanced over at you and the way you clutched the blankets. You both felt incredibly awkward. It wasn’t his intention really to go as far as you both did, not that he had had anything against it. He hated the way he acted when he was drunk sometimes. 

“i can’t believe last night happened.” Mingi started with a laugh, trying to ease some of the tension. You couldn’t tell from his tone how he meant it, if it was positive or negative. “Me either.” You said and swallowed thickly. “And everyone saw, how embarrassing.” He said and you turned over onto your side, so that he couldn’t see your expression.

His words broke your heart, ringing in your ears as you tried your hardest not to start tearing up. “Yeah, so embarrassing.” You agreed, your voice shrinking slightly. It was almost impossible for you to bring yourself to look at him again. You were embarrassed, you felt humiliated and you felt awfully rejected. 

“Hey I should get going.” You said and stood up, still not turning to look at him. You felt like you were emotionally stripped bare and physically as you peeled the blankets off of you. Getting up and scrambling to get your clothes on, you nearly tripped over your jeans. Tears were flowing now and you couldn’t do anything about it at this point. You wiped them away and grabbed your phone off of the nightstand. 

Mingi could hear your sniffling, watching as you wiped your tears away while getting dressed. “Wait what’s wrong?” He asked, sitting up in the bed. He was horribly confused. “Nothing, let’s just act like this didn’t happen. It’s embarrassing.” You said, your chest almost heaving at amount of mental pain you were feeling. 

He sat in his bed in confusion, just running his fingers through his hair before falling back into the pillows. Mingi had no clue what he did wrong, he never set out to hurt you. But he didn’t understand how he hurt you. He moved and pulled his pillow over his face, now definitely wanting to forget about the previous night. 

You just left his room and his apartment, needing a minute to let it all out. Once again you were resting with your back against his front door, a heavy pain in your chest and tears streaming down your face. He was right the night before, it wasn’t love for him, he was just drunk. 

A/N: I really hate everything I write lately so yeah, this is trash. I really tried. Feedback would be nice

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Beta Boy

Izuku is such a baby I love him. (not a sequel but more Alpha Izuku so close enough)

Alpha!Izuku x Omega!Reader. 

word count: 1,600 (about) 

warnings: Smut, Abo things, Knotting, like a smidgen of angst.  

Summary: you hate Alphas and everything they stand for. you are happy with your Beta boyfriend that is until he isn’t as much of a beta as you were lead to believe. 

People looked at you weird when they found out you were with a Beta. Sure it wasn't Illegal for an Omega and a Beta to be an item, but most people thought it was wrong. Alpha's were perfectly designed to take care of the weaker, submissive Omegas. And no one could handle a Rut like an Omega could.  But you had never fond yourself attracted to an alpha. And the ones at UA did nothing to change your opinion. If your choices were Alphas like Bakugou, who was overly aggressive and easily upset. Or Alphas Like Todoroki who were aloof and distant, then yeah you would take a beta any day.

And Midoriya was the perfect mate. He was smart and hardworking, his devotion and kindness knew no bounds.  You didn't care that he didn't go through ruts and wouldn't be able to bound you. You loved the way he didn't have a distinctive smell, just clean skin, and shampoo. So you ignored the whispers in the hallway and the catcalls from Alphas who told you they could show you what it was like to be with a real man. It only made you hold Midoriya tighter.

“you know, you could have any Alpha you wanted, I've heard them talk you know, they all want you,” Midoriya whispered in your ear one night. Your heat was days away and having him hold you soothed the frantic Omega inside you.

“I don't want an Alpha, their rude and demanding, they think Omegas are property, I'd much rather be with someone who sees me as an equal like you.” you said nuzzling his neck. “you aren't like the nasty alphas I meet, your so kind and sweet. And if the world has a problem with it, then they can fuck right off,” you said. His grip around you tightened. Wet tears streamed down his face.

“I won't let any Alpha take you from me,” he said with a kind of determination he usually only saved for talking about his aspirations to be a hero. “and I'll never treat you that way.”

“I know,” you whispered and kissed him lightly. The alpha inside of Izuku had remained dormant for quite a long time. Normally Alphas present around the age of twelve but Izuku always had been a late bloomer. His inner alpha had stirred quite a few times, when he had received Allmights Quirk, and again when he won the training exercise against Kachan. Who knows when Izuku might have presented if not for this moment. An in heat omega under him. You hot skin pressed firmly against his hands. You were so needy, so submissive and all his. The Alpha inside of him couldn't help but awaken.

The kiss had grown desperate, your hands groped at his shirt. You craved his touch, you would do anything for just a little release, then suddenly your room was filled with a potent scent you'd never smelled before. Fear rushed through you as Izuku shot away from your body also smelling the invasive odder. It was an alpha's scent, had an alpha smelled your heat and broken into your house? You clung to Mydoria's shoulders. Then you realized where the scent was coming from. Sweat dripped down from his hairline. His breaths were heavy, his pupils were dilated with lust. Izuku was an Alpha, and you had just sent him into his first rut.

Izuku had never felt this way before. It almost felt like he was using his quirk. energy and raw power seemed to flow through his veins. He looked down at you. He had never thought about you as his omega, you had always just been (y/n) to him. But now it was like he couldn't see past the label. Omega, his omega, his territory. “you're an Alpha,” you breathed your eyes flicking over his face. You sounded scared. A part of him reveled in the fact you were scared of him. He felt the need to mark you to sink his teeth and dig his nails into your perfect skin. He shook his head trying to clear it. Your scent was more intense now, he could smell how you aroused you were, this was a new development.

“why didn't you tell me you were an alpha?” you asked. Demanded more really you tried to move away from him. In an instant, he was on top of you pinning your wrists to your sides. You had never liked shows of dominance. You had almost punched Bakugou's teeth in when he had pinned you outside of class one day. But this made your heart jump and sent a wave of slick gushing through your core.  Just as suddenly as he had grabbed you, he let you go, he staggered as he tried to balance on the bed, he ended up falling on to the floor.

“I-I'm an alpha?” he asked disbelievingly.

“you didn't know?” how couldn't he have known? But he seemed to be just as confused as you. He smelled himself a strong heavy aroma of pinewood and sweet pea.

“I don't know my Mom is a Beta I guess we just assumed I was too.” you found that you didn't hate his smell, In fact, you liked it, you wanted more of it. He pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headache.

“I should go, I If I'm rutting then I shouldn't be around you,” he said standing up. Even though he said he should leave, he couldn't. The new Alpha instincts wouldn't let him leave. His pants had grown painfully tight and he knew that you were the only person who could help him.

“please don't,” you whimpered reaching out to grab at your boyfriend. In the blink of an eye, he was back in your bed on top of you. The way he was looking at you was predatory, hungry. It made you feel wanted, it was a nice feeling.

“I need you omega,” he panted lowering his mouth to yours. He kissed you feverishly and you kissed him back with the same passion. His hands shook slightly as he removed your shirt, he had never done something like this before. You took turns stripping one another until you were both naked.

“you're perfect,” he murdered running his hands over the sides of your thighs. “can I-” he cut himself off, he didn't think he could say the words can ‘I please fuck you Omega?’ But you knew what he wanted and you wanted it too.

“please, I need you to fuck me Alpha,” you were surprised at how easily the word slipped from your tongue. Midoriya didn't know what he was doing so he let his instincts guide him. His fingers slide between your folds, you were already slippery with your slick.

“your so wet I could probably slide right inside you if I wanted,” he purred sliding his fingers inside of you. He was conflicted, he wanted to keep fingering you until you came but on the other hand, he needed to fuck you, in the end, his need to feel you wrapped around his cock won out. You were warm and tight around him, he could get addicted to this feeling.

“M-move Izuku please,” you begged, and who was he to deny his omega what she wanted? He tried to move slowly but he couldn't seem to stop himself as he snapped his hips against yours. You hooked your legs around his hips holding him close to your exposed body. His hands moved from groping your breasts to between your legs to rub your clit.

“Please tell me your close because I'm right on the edge,” he purred. The fog in your brain cleared enough for you to realize something, If Izuku was an Alpha, he could knot you. The omega inside of you was suddenly ravenous.

“knot me, please alpha, I need it. I need it so badly knot me.” you begged raking your nails down his back leaving red lines in your wake. Midoriya had never heard you beg like that before. It only sent him flying closer to his own release.

You both came when he pushed his knot inside of you. Izuku relaxed settling down beside you. “so you really didn't know you were an alpha?” you asked letting him play with your hair.

“no clue,” he froze for a second, he took a shaky breath and continued, “I know how you feel about alphas, I would understand If you wanted to leave me to find a real beta.”  the thought of leaving him physically hurt you. Maybe it wasn't all alphas that you had a problem with, just the alphas you had met so far. You loved him, and you didn't see how him now being an alpha would change that.

“I want to be with you Midoriya, I don't care if your an alpha, hell I'd still, love you if you were an omega,” you reassured. He hugged you tightly, you could feel wet patches on your shoulder and you knew he was crying.

“I'll be the best alpha for you,” he promised and you knew that he would do everything in his power to live up to those words.

[numba99]

Welcome to Sweden

Summary: finally putting respect on Lias’ name doing an imagine. You meet Lias while studying abroad over the summer and obviously a good time ensues (back at it with bad summaries also this was requested ty anon who sent this in!)

Warnings: you already know they fucking, light choking 

Swedish dance music thumped through your system as you took you drink from the bar. You sipped it slowly, still trying to get used to how much stronger they made the drinks here. If you weren't careful you could get a pretty decent buzz off just one. 

“I still can’t believe we’re here,” Your friend said to you as you both settled into a little corner of the club. You couldn’t believe it either. It was the summer before your senior year in college, your last chance to do a study abroad. You’d been roommates since freshman year - and best friends - and it was something you both always wanted to do, but were to scared to. On a whim the night before the applications closed you both applied and now you were here in Sweden.

“Best decision we’ve ever made,” you replied clinking her glass with a smile. 

“I think I know what the second best decision you’re ever going to make is,” Your friend said between sips of her drink. 

“What’s that?” you raised a brow at her.

“Going to talk to the guy over there who’s been eyeing you since we got here,” she told you, nodding across the room. You followed her gazed, finding a tall, handsome blonde with a small smile on his face. 

You turned around so he couldn't see you were talking about him. “No way he is looking at me,” you replied. He was easily one of the hottest guys you’ve seen in your time here so far, which is saying something since there are a lot of beautiful people in Sweden.

“Are you kidding me? You’re hot look at yourself,” Your friend playfully slapped your shoulder, “Go over there and talk to him.” 

You in America would have said no, but fuck it, you’re in Sweden and you wanted to have fun. If you embarrassed yourself you’d be in another country in just a few weeks and you’d never see him again. You took a swig of you drink, needing that extra boost of confidence. 

“Alright I’m going in,” you handed you glass to your friend who eagerly cheered you on. You wished she could cheer you on the entire way because you were losing your nerve the closer you got, but there was no turning back now.

“You must be new here,” the mystery blond said when you reached him. You were relieved he spoke first because you realized you had no idea what you wanted to say... or if he even spoke English. 

“What gave it away?” you asked, trying to remain cool, but he was even cuter up close.

“I come here a lot,” he told you, “If I saw a girl as pretty as you I’d remember.” 

“That line usually work on girls or...?” you teased. If an American man had said that to you, you would have rolled your eyes. Something about it coming from him made it charming. Maybe it was the accent.

“Not sure,” he smirked, “You’re the first girl I’ve ever said that too. Did it work?”

You playfully rolled your eyes and nodded. “Maybe a little.”

“You’re really not from here... that accent, you’re American?” he guessed.

“Yeah,” you confirmed, “I’m studying abroad here for a few weeks.”

“Well I’m happy to welcome you to my country. I’m Lias,” he stuck out his hand. It made you laugh, it was almost too formal from a young guy, but it was sweet.

“y/n,” you told him, shaking his hand. Lias didn’t let go, pulling you towards the dance floor. You let out a giggle, following him eagerly. You never been too much of a dancer when you were out, but there was something about the Swedish music that moved you.

And so you and Lias danced for a while, with each song that passed you inched closer to each other. Eventually you pressed firmly against him, your ass grinding against his crotch. Lias’ hands gripped your hips, keeping you close to him, as you both moved to the beat. His lips found your neck and you tilted your head back, allowing him better access. You shut your eyes, reaching back and running your fingers through his hair as he kissed you. It felt so good and you were certain it was going to leave a mark. That thought only added to the desire building between your legs. You let out a soft moan, nearly forgetting where you were.

“Can I take you home,” Lias asked breathlessly in your ear. You opened your eyes, searching for your friend in the room; you didn’t want to leave without her knowing. You spotted her wrapped around a handsome brunet, and you were glad she was having some fun too. You locked eyes and had a silent exchange, her eager smile telling you you were good to go.

“Please,” you replied, taking his hand as he pushed through the crowd for the exit. He lived close by, so it was closer to walk... or nearly run in this case. It was a struggle to keep up with his quick pace. 

You finally made it to his place - only slightly winded - and wasted no time. The second the door shut he was on you. You realized he hadn’t actually kissed your lips yet and fuck could he kiss. You moaned against his lips, as he blindly led you back to his bedroom. You were both stumbling, but didn’t care; neither of you wanted to stop kissing, not even for a second. 

Once you hit the bed, Lias was on top of you. He pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. You looked at him in awe, surprised by just how nice of a body he was hiding. Lias smirked like he knew exactly what you were thinking. 

He returned to your neck, kissing at the already-sensitive skin as he slid the thin straps of your dress off your shoulders. He kissed down your body, slowly pulling down your dress to reveal more skin for him to kiss. He was eager to get to your boobs, kissing them just as roughly as he did your neck.

Lias was nestled between your legs and the more he kissed you, the more you needed him. You ground against his thigh, desperate for any kind of relief. The more pressure you applied, the Better it was feeling, causing you to get breathless. Lias chuckled against your skin, realizing what you were doing.

“Alright I can take a hint,” he teased, reaching into his bedside table to get a condom. You wiggled out of the rest of your clothes, kicking them off the bed. You tried not to stare at Lias, who was currently rolling a condom onto his length - which was bigger than you would have thought.

“Like what you see?” Lias asked with a smirk. Guess you didn’t do so great on the whole no staring thing. A blush rose to your cheeks, which only made Lias chuckle. He grabbed your legs, pulling you over to him. He positioned himself between your legs again, a place he seemed more than comfortable. He looked to you, silently asking for permission to start, which you gave eagerly. 

He pressed in slowly, allowing for you to savor the stretch around him. You bit your lip as he bottomed out, feeling so perfectly full. He started with deliciously long and slow strokes, already drawing moans from your lips. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close so you could kiss him.

Lias didn't miss a beat, putting more strength behind each stroke. Your finger nails dug into his back as you tried to maintain your composure, which he seemed to love. His hand slid up the front of your body, resting at the base of your neck.

“Can I?” he asked, his thumb running over your throat. It took you as second to realize what he meant. He wanted to choke you. The thought made you tighten around him.

“Yes,” your voice was breathless and needy. Lias wrapped his hand around your throat, pressing gently at the sides. He slowly applied more pressure as he continued to rock into you. He knew what he was doing, choking you just right to make everything feel more intense.

“Lias,” a small gasp escape you as you were getting closer. You were sure you were drawing blood with how hard you were scratching at his back, but he didn’t mind one bit. You felt lightheaded, but in the best way, and knew you wouldn’t last much longer.

“Cum for me y/n,” Lias coaxed you, “come on let me feel you cum on me.” He continued to rock into you as he spoke, making it impossible for you to hold back. You gasped as a wave of pleasure flooded your body. Lias loosened the grip on your throat, the blood rushing to your head, making your orgasm feel all the more intense.

“Fuck,” Lias let out a low groan as he came along with you. He slowed only slightly, drawing out every last second of pleasure possible for both of you. His lips found yours again, giving you slow and lazy kisses as you both finished.

He eventually pulled out of you, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you on to his chest. “What a welcome,” you teased when you finally caught your breath.

“I wanted to make sure you liked Sweden,” he replied.

“You’ve definitely accomplished that.” You both laughed and Lias kissed the top of your head. It was weird, you hadn’t known this man for long at all but something about him made your heart flutter. You tried to ignore that, though, he was just some guy from Sweden, there was no sense in catching feelings for him. It would never work.

“What part of America are you from?” Lias asked, running his fingers through your hair.

“New York,” you replied.

“No way,” Lias said, “I play for a hockey team there. The Rangers.”

“You’re fucking with me,” you sat up to look at him. 

“I swear! Let me show you.” He pulled out his phone, showing you pictures of him on the ice. Damn, you thought, he really was not kidding.

“So does that mean you live in New York?” you asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“I do during the season, which is honestly most of the year. I’m usually just in Sweden for the summer,” Lias explained.

“That’s amazing,” you replied. You couldn’t imagine a much better place to spend summer than in Sweden.

“It is, I love it,” Lias replied, “Maybe when I get back to New York we could see each other?”

“I’d love that,” you replied, smiling softly.

Lias cracked a sweet grin, pulling you back on to his chest. He kissed the top of your head and nuzzled into you, “It’s a date.”

[dylan-o-yumm]

do you think the sparda boys have a mating season? like, in the search for the 'one'? if yes, do you think their position in the relationship (like being a sub or dom) change something?

(Again, sorry that this is only Nero, but I’m not taking requests for the other boys yet. When I get through these last few requests I’m gonna write the Abc’s of Vergil and V, but then probably open requests again for my bby) This is also the first time I’ve written about a mating season so don’t be too harsh on me lol

Nero’s mating season is a little hectic. There are two to three weeks, once every year (sometimes twice) when he gets really needy and basically turns into a whining mess. His bottom lip always ends up red and swollen because he bites it, desperately trying to keep his groans and growls to a minimum. He tries to control himself the best he can, not wanting to scare you or even accidentally hurt you since he’s so desperate to be near you and touching you. You’d think that with having less demon blood in him than Dante and Vergil do, he’d be able to control himself better, but it completely the other way around. 

Whenever other people are around you, he gets VERY overprotective and will practically cling to you while glaring and sometimes even growling at whomever is near you. He gets the most riled up when Dante is near you, constantly ready to fight him, even if the older devil hunter is being on his best behaviour. Either way, you told Dante it was best to just stay away during these times. But that is only when Nero doesn’t keep the both of you locked up in a room for the majority of his mating season. Hope your like your room, cause thats where you will be spending at least two weeks held up in. You wont get to leave, Nero will bring you food. If you need to go to the bathroom, expect to have a shadow following you closely. His protectiveness defiantly gets heightened in his mating season. 

He doesn’t like to leave you or the house when he’s in mating season, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened before. One time he was out gonna mission for the whole first week of his cycle and according to Nico he was the most moody and aggressive he’s ever been, to the point that he was yelling at her to bring him home and he’ll just finish the mission later. Thankfully, he finished the mission quickly and got back to you before he almost killed the poor mechanic. That was when he was most intense with you in bed. Let’s just say you couldn’t walk for a week or two after he finally had you. 

When he’s not in his mating season, he is a switch in bed, doesn’t really prefer to be a top or bottom, as long as he has you he’s happy. However, he is 100% a top when his demonic urges take over. He hates his mating season for this fact and much prefers “regular” sex with you rather than the possessive, needy and aggressive sex his heat brings on. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy the sex, in the moment he obviously can’t help himself and basically turns into a wild animal. You’re left trapped wherever he desires to have you: bed, wall, table, literally wherever he wants. 

He nips and bites your neck, stomach, thighs, anywhere he can reach while trusts at a brutal pace. He likes to leave your body covered in hickeys and bites, marking his territory so that when he finally lets you out when his mating season is over, everyone knows you’re taken. And don’t get me started on the sounds. He will growl like a dog in your ear, sometimes whispering dirty praises as well or commanding you to do or say something while he destroys the bed sheets or the paint on the wall with his nails. He also swears A LOT. He’d usually hardly ever swear in front of you but thats just another thing he can’t control in mating season. 

Hope you don’t shy away from his DT cause he can’t control when that happens either! All of a sudden you’ll hear him roar and his length will grow inside of you, then you see his face and how his skin has changed colour and how his eyes turned to slits. It took you by surprise the first couple of times, but you eventually get used it it and maybe even encourage it. However, when he triggers, it means he’s lost almost off of his control and will be a lot rougher. He’s never hurt you in an unpleasant way, never cut you with his claws, never gone too rough for you to tell him to stop. At the end of the day, his love and protectiveness will keep him from harming you. 

With his demonic abilities and superhuman stamina, overstimulation is probably the only thing you find to be too much sometimes. He will have you shaking and whimpering when he keeps thrusting after you both climax, but he quickly pushes you to another… and then another. He stops when it besoms to be too much for you but only after he has released deep inside you. You both take a little break, but he’s ready for another round in no time, so he has to sit on his hands so he doesn’t touch you while you’re still calming down. You end up loosing count of how many times orgasms you have within the day… only to have another week ahead of the same activities. 

You end up making a rule that weekends are off limit times, since your human body can’t physically handle two weeks of what seems like non-stop fucking. And while he agrees, he is a mess on those two days, pleading, begging and whining like a child, but you know it’s tough for him. He almost starts crying on day two of no touching, his body unbelievably hot and his manhood throbbing for attention. You can tell he’s in pain, and settle for wrapping him up in your arms, stroking his hair and talking about anything and everything to hopefully try and get his mind off it. It’s tough, but he manages. If he were around anyone but you, they would either be dead or very offended by his harsh words of aggression (like Nico was, but Nero apologised when his mating season was finally done) but luckily with you, he can’t get angry or heated towards his mate. 

So when the weekend is finally up, he is back on you in an instant. As soon as he wakes up, he is on top of you and preparing you for him, which in turn wakes you up. You both have your first round of the day before having breakfast… then he comes back for more. It gets exhausting very quickly, but its never not pleasurable for you. He manages to make you a moaning mess every time. 

He surprisingly doesn’t call you ‘mate’, but he is very fond of calling you his. He growls the small word harshly in your ear all throughout the day. “Mine.” 

And then when he finally comes down and his mating season is done for the year, he is a bit shy for a few days. He apologises profusely. The two of you stay out of your room for a week at least, sleeping in the lounge room instead, while your room airs out and you fix the now broken furniture… Even though you are both exhausted now and a little sensitive in certain areas, he makes love to you on the couch. Nice and slow, lots of kisses and caresses and soft declarations of love for one another. And that small word he had growled at you for the past two weeks didn’t stop, but he said it in a soft and loving tone instead of proclaiming it. 

“Mine.” 

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 23

~*~Emma~*~

 Well . . .

That was some pretty aggressive oral sex. I’m not complaining. One would think after a blow job Sebastian would have been pretty chill, but he went the other way. I need to figure out how to make that happen again. I fell back on the bed because I was afraid my legs were going to collapse. I lay there, legs spread with one draped over him, and I swear I could still feel his mouth between my legs. There was still a delicious buzz going on. “Fuck, that was amazing.” He kissed my ankle and I felt parts of me quiver.

 “Says the woman who just blew my mind.”  

I let out a weak laugh, “We’re having a good night.”

“Yes, we are.”  He laid a hand on my leg, ensuring it stayed resting on his chest.

 Sebastian’s voice was weird. I raised my head, pried my eyes open, and looked toward him. I suddenly realized that “legs spread with one draped over him” meant he was getting quite the view. Sure, he’d been very close up twice now, but he wasn’t really looking then. Now, he was looking, and that’s why his voice sounded weird. I laid my head back down. Modesty at this point is, well, pointless. I’m amused with the crack in his voice though. Men are such visual creatures. He can look as long as he wants. I’m willing to bet the looking won’t last long before it becomes touching.

I didn’t like not touching him. I reached out my hand and laid it on his thigh, just above his knee. “I like your legs.”

“I like yours too.” He elucidated his point by running his hand over my calf. “Ouch, I think I got a splinter.”

“Ha fucking ha.” I crossed my arms over my chest like I was mad. “I should go in the bathroom and use your razor to shave them.”

“Don’t do that.”

“I can’t use your razor?”

“I don’t care if you use my razor.” He grabbed my hand and pulled it away. “Don’t cross your arms. You’re blocking my view.”

I put my hand back on his leg, the other I tucked under my head, propping me up just enough to see him. “Better?”

He nodded with a smile, “Much.”  His eyebrows drew in and his lips pursed like he was thinking.

I think I’m about to win my bet.

Less than a breath later I felt a single finger exploring me. His touch was gentle as he checked out places where his mouth was well acquainted. I hummed my approval. His eyes met mine for an instant while he smiled, then his attention went back between my legs. My whole body shivered, not from his touch, but the look we just exchanged. His eyes and smile say more than most people can with a whole paragraph. He liked this and that I liked it too.

I like the intimacy. As I’d said earlier about sunsets, I like the after when you’re letting the moment sink in. There’s been a lot of moments since that conversation. Laying here with him touching me was incredibly intimate. There was a vulnerability in being laid out naked in front of someone. Still, I felt perfectly safe. I moved my hand from his leg to his cock. He wasn’t hard. It hit me that wasn’t the point. I touched him as gently as he did me. Sebastian didn’t look up, but he nodded slightly. Although I had no doubt this would turn into sex, it wasn’t sex. It was different. It was more. It was being comfortable and being together.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt like this. I keep thinking the word accepted, but it doesn’t feel right. Still, I think it is. Whatever it is, I know for sure it’s right and it’s good and it’s Sebastian.

“What are you thinking about?” His voice startled me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

I shook off his apology, “I was thinking how laying here quietly touching each other feels very good. Emotionally.” I nodded, “Feels good.”

I know I just opened a door to a potentially dangerous conversation. We’ve had sex and now I mention emotions. Podcasts, magazine, and groups of girlfriends would be screaming at me to shut up and take it back. Usually, I’d agree. Right now, I don’t. I don’t quite know why I don’t, which is why I said it out loud. He’s in this with me.

“Yeah.” He licked his lips and played with his tongue, thinking. He looked up to the light on the ceiling, “The lights are on and I look over and can see everything of you.” He emphasized the word everything. “Besides being sexy as fuck there’s something very . . . I don’t know.”

It was nice how he didn’t know either. Suddenly the word came to me, “Intimate.”

He smiled and nodded his agreement, “Intimate. I don’t think it’s about the sex. It’s about talking for hours, playing and laughing, and working together at the house.”

Sebastian was right. The intimacy came before the sex. Sex didn’t make you feel comfortable. I’ve had sex where I wasn’t comfortable just being naked, where once it’s over you pull up the sheet. Naked during sex is different from just naked.

“I keep thinking the word accepted, but I can’t figure out why.”

He was getting hard and I needed to change the position of my hand. When I did that, he pushed a finger inside me. There were a few seconds of silence while we took in the new sensations.

“Good word. We’ve talked about things, told each other things . . . like when I told you I struggle with self-confidence. You didn’t think it was stupid. I guess I do feel like you accept me as I am and I trust you. Why wouldn’t laying here feel like no big deal? Only it is.”

I was reminded of the conversation from earlier about being brave enough to be vulnerable. We were both being brave. Except I wasn’t scared.  “I like you.”

He scrunched up his nose, “I like you too.”

“No, I mean I like you. Not because you’re fun to be with, we have great conversations, and the smoking hot sex.” He laughed with me then I got serious again. “I just like you.”

Sebastian’s face went serious in a way I hadn’t seen before. Serious, but soft. He moved my leg from across his chest and joined me upside down on the bed. His eyes searched my face, his fingers soft on my cheek, “I like you too.”

We lay there staring at each other. The look on his face stayed intense. I thought I read a lot of things in that look. I wasn’t reading this any more wrong than I had his attraction despite us not having kissed. I don’t know what my expression was telling him, but I hoped it was close. I noticed his breathing had increased. We were barely touching. I noticed mine had too.  I raised up to kiss him but stopped to look at him again. I smiled a little bit and Sebastian broke out in a huge grin that ended when our mouths met.

“Don’t move,” Sebastian whispered against my lips before sitting up to grab a condom and quickly put it one. He was back laying next to in no time. “I don’t wanna stop once we get started.” He trailed his fingers from my temple to my chin then over my lips. I opened my mouth and caught one of his fingers, closing my lips and circling the digit with my tongue. Tilting my face to his he moved closer, mouth open, and we were kissing again. His soft tongue teased and tangled with mine.

“We haven’t spent nearly enough time just kissing.”

“We’ll fix it.”

I moaned into his mouth and our kiss became more intense. I ran my hand down from his shoulder to his hand and put his hand back between my legs.

Sebastian slid his fingers inside me with a groan. I raised my leg, planting a foot on the bed to help me work myself against his hand. He broke the kiss and lowered his head to suck my breast. My hand flew to the back of his head, “God, Sebastian.”

Smiling as he looked up, Sebastian said, “I want you close. I don’t think I’m gonna last long.”  He continued playing with me, alternating for a few minutes between fucking me with his fingers and rubbing circles around my clit before just focusing there. He left my breast to kiss on my neck, “You’re so beautiful.”

A jolt of pleasure shot through me, “I need you inside me.”

“Roll over.” Sebastian moved behind me as I went on hands and knees. He leaned over my back, his hands moving from my hips to my shoulders as he kissed the back of my neck. “Want you.”

I turned my head to kiss him, but it didn’t last long. He went back to my neck then I felt his tongue drag down the length of my spine to the crack of my ass. My arms nearly collapsed. If that wasn’t the most erotic thing ever I didn’t know what was. He punctuated the end of his journey with an open-mouthed kiss on my hip that turned into a nibble. I heard myself make an incredibly needy sound.

Sebastian moved behind me, one hand holding my hip, and I felt the head of his cock rub over me once or twice before he pushed into me. His fingers dug in while he rocked his hips, going deeper and deeper. Once he was fully inside me he reached around to finger me again. His strokes were slow and very controlled. I can’t imagine the restraint that was taking. He made these little groaning noises interspersed with “oh fuck” and “yes” and “Emma”.

I felt him so deep inside me, each stroke of his cock and movement of his fingers bringing me closer and closer. I arched my back, changing the angle for both of us. Sebastian’s stroke stuttered. I looked over my shoulder to see him biting his lower lip, eyes squeezed shut, and his head back. Pleasure was written all over his face. “I’m gonna come. Harder, fuck me harder.”

Doing as I asked, he slammed into me. His fingers stopped moving and pressed against my clit, letting the force of his hips keep up the stimulation. My head dropped to the bed when my orgasm hit and I cried out for him.

“Feels so good to be inside you when you come.” Both his hands held onto my hips now, steadying me as he thrust harder and faster. More mumbled curse words, moans, and my name. I loved how lost in it he was. When his fingers tightened so much that I knew he’d leave marks, I tightened my inner muscles as much as I could. “Fuck!” One last thrust and he held me tight to him, releasing himself deep in me.  He leaned back over me, kissing along my back, while barely moving inside me before pulling out.

Sebastian was back in the bed by the time I managed to roll over, still mostly wrong ways in the bed. Righting myself just seemed like too much effort right now. I was covered in sweat, my chest was bursting, and my stomach was full of butterflies. My closed eyes flew open when I realized tonight was the best sex of my life. And it’s not just the sex. It's astounding how this man, this man I've known for three days, made sure I knew what we did was my choice. He didn't assume. He did it in a way, so easily, that I'm sure this was not the first time he'd made sure consent was clear. Hell, the day we met he didn't assume I'd let him know where I live. No one had ever been this way with me. None of my friends had ever talked about a man being like this with them. This is a good man.

I reached for his hand and laced our fingers. I turned my head and squeezed his hand to get his attention. He looked over, his lips parted with breathing that hadn't returned to normal, with sweat-dampened hair against his forehead. I started laughing because it felt so good. "Is it crazy to think you might be falling for someone after only three days?"

Sebastian’s laugh was immediate. He threw his head back, arching his neck against the bed, while his laughter filled the room. He looked back at me, his face lit up with his smile, "Fuck, I hope not." He rolled on top of me and kissed me. "Or I’m crazy too."

[butwhyduh]

Links and Secrets

Peter Parker x antihero!reader

Summary: Peter Parker is grieving Ben still years later. He finally decided to get help. Just about every support group say to not get involved with other members but Peter finds comfort in y/n. It’s his bad luck that she’s destined to be on the opposite side of his alter ego.

Warning: death, smut, language, and a grief support group

Word count: 1523

You remembered when you first met Peter. It wasn’t a sweet soft coffee shop like in the movies. He didn’t sweep you off your feet. It was actually a really horrible day.

You sat in the cold olive green chair you always did on Wednesday night. Your fingers tapped nervously on your thigh. An ignored coffee sat cooling in your hand. You hated this but also needed it. It kept you sane. But it hurt like acid.

The usual people filed in and sat in their seats and you instantly noticed a new seat in the circle. A new member? The therapist smiled at everyone and sat down. You didn’t know how she stayed sane. Melanie’s 2 twin sons were murdered in a park at 3 years old and her husband left her over it. But she had a soft smile and could lift anyone’s spirit.

A man about your age walked in slowly. His eyes fluttered around the room before sitting in the empty seat next to you. You offered a thin smile that he returned. Melanie offered him a coffee and he quickly began drinking. You couldn’t think of food and he nervously drank.

The meeting began as it always did. Melanie would state her credentials and her story and then she opened the floor. You didn’t say much usually. A large man named Timothy told his story as he always did, first. He crinkled his beanie in his massive hands as he talked about losing his wife to leukemia. His eyes would began to glaze but he never cried. Some people cried a lot.

Melanie asked who wanted to go next and many members would say their story, how they feel, and how well they’ve held up since the deaths. Each person had their own tragic story.

New guy didn’t say his story. It wasn’t a surprise. Most people took their time opening up. You had been going for a year and only Melanie knew your story. You couldn’t open up like they could.

“We have a new member, and you don’t have to say your story, but we would like your name,” Melanie said.

“I- uhm- I’m Peter Parker. And my uncle died,” he said quietly. He didn’t add any more. Melanie gave him a moment before moving on to someone else. After a long sobbing story from Dot, her usual, the meeting was done. You stood to go and walked directly into Peter in your hurry.

“I’m so sorry,” you said. He gave another thin smile.

“It’s okay. I’m Peter,” he said offering his hand. You told him yours and shook. “I’ve never been to this before. Pretty intense, hu?”

“Yeah. It can be. It helps though,” you said. Peter nodded.

“I’ll see you next time?” He asked. You nodded back before leaving.

————————————————-

It was a full 3 weeks later before he spoke to you afterwards again. He still hadn’t said anymore to his story. You couldn’t blame him. You’d been there a year.

“Hi,” Peter said quietly. There was always a sense of hush like a library.

“Hi. You okay?” You asked. It was a bad session.

“Yeah. I’m okay. I don’t want to come across as a weirdo but do you want to get something to eat,” he asked. You gave him a look. “Not as a date,” he added hastily. “I hate going back to my empty apartment to just think. You don’t have to. This was stupid.”

“Let’s go get food,” you said. His shoulders relaxed and he nodded. It became a bit of a ritual. Going to session and then getting food with Peter who never once took it as an opportunity to hit on you. You both would talk about anything. Your job, his science, the basketball game on at the bar.

Finally one day in group Peter talked. He had a lot to say. He talked about not saving his uncle and blaming himself. He blinked away tears as he talked. It was a few years ago. But he always carried the guilt. He seemed to have more to say but stopped. No one pressed. It wasn’t that kind of place. You can look at a police report for details if you really wanted to know, as Melanie would say.

That night he drank at the bar. Enough that you got him a cab home and he cried on your shoulder. It wasn’t long until you both were broke sitting on the floor of his kitchen. You stayed over. It wasn’t sexual. You just couldn’t face your pain alone and you both fell asleep together. To his credit, Peter never asked about your pain. You couldn’t talk about it.

You started texting each other after that. It wasn’t about your grief. That was the opposite of what you wanted. You wanted to escape and only pour it out on Wednesday nights. Instead you talked about everything but. You couldn’t help but lean on him. When you couldn’t sleep. When you had a bad day and he would lean on you too.

It was a Monday at 11 pm that you called him. You had a bad day and had a nightmare as soon as you fell asleep. He softly grumbled for you to come over. He answered his door in sweat pants and a plain white t shirt. His hair messy and eyes sleepy. He weakly smiled and let you in.

“Hey,” He said in a sleepy voice.

“Sorry to wake you,” you said and Peter noticed your swollen face from crying. He opened his arms and you hugged him tightly. Your fingers curled in his hair and your cheek pressed tightly into his shoulder. After a minute you looked at him. He looked down and something came over you.

Maybe you really liked him? Maybe he was just warm and safe? Whatever it was you captured his lips with yours. He stood shocked for a minute before delicately holding your face.

You pressed the kiss deeper and Peter moaned softly. His hand slipped down your neck and shoulder to grip your waist before he pulled back.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked. He was practically panting. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You aren’t. I want you,” you said. You craved his touch. He could keep the demons away, temporarily. He could feel your neediness. You could feel his. He picked you up. You gasped and grasped his arms. He didn’t look this strong but he carried you like you weighed nothing.

Fears aswayed, you cupped his face and continued to kiss. He laid you on the bed without breaking contact. It was tongue and teeth and rough. It wasn’t love, it was desperate and broken.

Peter’s hands roughly gripped your hips as he filled you. You rubbed tight circles on your clit as he thrust. Neither of you lasted very long. Your grip punishingly tight on his back as you came. Peter didn’t waste time with cuddling but threw away the condom and walked to the kitchen. You dressed quietly. You could hear him moving around.

“Do you eat eggs? That’s pretty much all I can cook,” he said sheepishly as if you two weren’t having sex 5 minutes before.

“Eggs are fine,” you assured. He cracked a cold dozen in a pan.

“Can you tell me why you go to grief counseling?” Peter asked attempting to stay casual. You kinda froze. You used Peter to escape this, not face it.

“Uh...”

“You don’t have to say,” he added quickly.

“It’s okay. I need to tell you. A little over a year ago... I dragged my brother with me to this club. Some stupid band. I shouldn’t have made him go. He didn’t even like that kind of music,” you said. Your voice wavered. Peter waiter patiently for you to talk more.

“We left the club late. So late that our car was towed. We should have just taken a cab. But we didn’t have cash and he thought the tow shop was close. Uh, these 2 guys came up,” you stopped. Your throat constricted a little but you pushed through it.

“They pulled out guns. Matt thought we were getting mugged so he gave up his money. But the guys... said something about his work and shot him. They shot at me and missed and ran. Matt died about 5 minutes later. I still remember his eyes. So scared and I could see the pain,” you said as hot tears ran down your face. You roughly wiped them away. “He was a chemist. And it was my fault that he was even out that day.”

“They shot him over his work? Did they catch his killers?” Peter asked, his brows furrowed.

“No. No leads at all. I have a hunch but can’t prove it. I’ve told the cops but they can’t do anything with a hunch,” you said shrugging bitterly. Peter nodded. He remembered that feeling. Without knowing, you had just put Spider-Man on your brother’s cold case. “Let’s eat,” you said before aggressively eating. Peter didn’t ask anymore about Matt that night.

[henraryyyyy]

BTS Reaction | They gets turned on when you got dared to make out with a girl; MAKNAE LINE

A/N: I’m not entirely sure if this was exactly what you requested for but i hope eventually you like it. @angelsmin

JIMIN:

“I challenge you,” Jimin’s happy voice chant, jumping around your body, eyes rolling yet still with a warm smile on your lips. “Come on,” he added with an arm rounding your shoulders. “You’re dared by me, that doesn’t happen every day.” He teased still laughing.

“I feel honored,” you scoff shaking your shoulders, his arm falling down your waist. “But still,” you continued. “I will not kiss a stranger girl.”

“It doesn’t need to be a stranger,” your friend encouraged you.

You looked to the side up at him,  “why do you even wanna see me kissing a girl?” You asked, the edge of your mouth curving up into a smirk.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Jimin blushed averting his gaze to the front of the street you were walking by.

“Is that a kink of yours?”

Okay. That catch him off guard. So, that’s why now you have a madly mess of a blush ChimChim chocking into his own saliva that he was gulping along with the nervousness he was feeling by your intense gaze.

You laughed patting his back, “is that so?” You teased once again. “Then i’ll do it.” You ended.

“Really?” With wide eyes Jimin looked down at you, standing up in the middle of the crown of people passing by. “You’ll do that for me?”

You nod, “of course with something in return.”

You saw his lower lip being trapped by his teeth, before hearing him spoke up anew.

“I’ve got a lot of things prepared in mind for you, babe.” Jimin winked at you, finally entering the house one of our close friends lived in and invited us to his pool party.

You went towards your small group of girls that as always played with you being too friendly with Jimin, to just date already.

Rolling your eyes you went with them to an empty room, changing your clothes with the new black bikini you brought last week with your best friend, the girl you were going to make out with in front of everyone in the pool, in front of your crush Jimin. The boy who dared you, and the boy who was gonna fuck the hell out of you afterwards.

“You sure about that?” You asked swimming besides her, from the edge of your eyes watching Jimin’s ones.

“Don’t ya worry, bae.” She laughed, her both hands intertwining with your wet locks of hair pulling your head to hers, both lips finally touching.

Your tongue, at the sight of everyone around —including him—, find its way inside her mouth, water splashing around your bodies when you pushed yourself into her; hips pressed together and tongues fighting against each other.

Then she did it, her right hand fell from your head to your back, undoing your bikini and pulling it away.

“Hey!” You shout at her, feeling a muscular and very bare chest covering your own. Your head crashed into a neck and before you knew it him, Jimin, was carrying your hanging body into the house very needy.

“Time for your reward, baby.”

With that, his fast hands teared apart your lower black swimsuit , alongside with you pushing with your legs his own.

“I’m gonna fuck you so well,” Jimin whispered with his sexy voice, biting your neck, leaving his mark in your neck as his. You doing the exact same thing in his, marking him as yours.

“Then do it,” you whispered back.

He groaned, thrusting his member all the way inside of you, grunting how fucking tight your wet pussy was and how damn good you felt around him.

He moaned how in love with you he was since the first time his eyes fell on your cute self, your cute kinky as fuck self. You moaned the same exact confession, telling him how in love you were too with him, his cute dirty tongue that licking down his lips so innocently yet it was so sexually frustrating for you.

Your orgasm came first, his appearing not long after. Jimin cuddled your body into his, kissing you templed tenderly before falling asleep with you in his arms. As well as you fell into a good sleep into your now lover’s arms.

The teasing from the other friends could wait until tomorrow.

TAEHYUNG: 

“Baby,” “I’m not your baby,” “Sweetie,” “I’m not your sweetie,” “Caterpillar,”

You looked with raising brown at your close friend from years, “i’m not a damn caterpillar.” You ironically argue.

“Finally!” Taehyung exhort hugging your figure.

“What do you want?” You whimpered, closing your computer and placing it above the table in front the couch you and Tae were snuggling on.

Your roommate exited her room, saluting you both with a smile walking into the kitchen. You both send her a smile back before looking into each others. You shook your head.

“Don’t ever think about it,” you advert.

“Oh, come on~” he sang with his head on your neck, giving wet kissed up your cheek where he stayed on with his pout caressing your skin. “It’s a dare!” Taehyung added. “You have to do it.”

“But kissing her!” You hissed.

“Making out,” he corrected, tipping your nose with his large fingers.

Oh his fingers...

“Fine,” you agree, rolling your head once before standing up from the couch and stepping into the kitchen with Taehyung following behind.

“Hey,” she greet with a sweet smile.

“Em— Hi,” you hesitating approach her, cupping her cheeks inside both hands. “I���m sorry for what i’m about to do,” you acknowledge. “But i have to.”

With that you closed your eyes tightly and kissed her forcefully, opening her mouth with your own and pulling your tongue into it.

She seemed surprised but went for it, hands grabbing your neck, squeezing it before pushing her own muscle into your wet cavern.

Surprisingly, your throat let out a moan, a sound that obviously didn’t go unheard it by your crush, neither the smirking girl you were making out with.

“Girlies!” Taehyung announce wrapping both arms around your waist pulling you backwards against his chest, smiling awkwardly to your roommate and down at you. That’s when you feel it, his big of a hell member pocking your ass. “I’ve got some things to talk with my friend here so... we’re gonna take our leave.”

Her smirk only grew wider, looking from Tae to you and otherwise. Her lower lip bit down with her teeth before voicing out, “if you want me to join you guys, just let out a scream with my name and i’ll be there.” One last wink to both of us and she was out from the kitchen, your friend eagerly placing your body up his shoulder.

Taehyung chuckled at your surprising gasp, spanking your butt before walking towards your bedroom, where he throw you above the bed with him diving up your body.

“I think we should save the threesome for another time,” he intimate with a smirk. “Now i want all of you only for me,” the horny boy added kissing down your neck. “Just for me.”

Hot, it was so crappy hot, him and his goddess body. Lips trailing wet kisses and marking bites  up your throat, licking desperately your mouth for entrance, which you absolutely give.

You, with a sudden confidence, turn him on his back and pushed your body down his dick in one shudder move. Taehyung let out the most deep, low, sensual groan you’ve probably ever heard. He grunting your name was something you wanted to engrave inside your mind forever.

“Move,” Tae whined at my teasings, but with a light chuckle you did what you were told and start moving lazily your body up and down his hard as hell member.

With your body bended down you left a trail of open mouthed kisses down his neck and chest, making hims growl, suddenly changing positions with you neath him.

His fast, rough, at the same time gentle pushes you climaxed before him with his name falling from your lips like a chant. Not too after he reached his own as well, your name called hundred times with his profound voice.

“I wanted to ask you out first,” Taehyung confessed hiding himself under the sheets. “I swear.”

You pulled the thingy covering his lovely face away and pecked his lips before biting down timidly your bottom.

“No need to worry,” you assured. “The order of the operation doesn’t alter the result.”

“Good,” Taehyung smirked hovering you anew. “Cuz I’m thinking about a round two.”

Round two? What a joke! It went until round five almost.

JUNGKOOK:

“You are such a cheater!” You accuse throwing at him the game controller you’ve been using for hours now.

“I am not,” Jungkook declaim. “You’re just too bad.”

“I am not!” You repeat. “You’re just too cheater.”

Crossing your arms you turned your head to the side with a scoff and pout. You’ve been sat in here with him for two hours, playing one of your favorites games, but as you can see this cheater of a boy did not let you win any of all the starts and restarts you made. You were tired, and now was time for your punishment, his dare for you.

“So...” you coughed. “What do i have to do?” You questioned. “A massage? Be your slave? Shower your lazy butt like last time?” You scoffed once again.

“Yah!” He laugh slapping your arm. “I never asked you to do that!”

“Wanna be reminded?” You determine with raising eyebrows. “You were drunk and the—

“Okay, Okay!” Kook covered your mouth that underneath his manly hand was smirking triumphantly. “I asked it, now let me think in peace.”

You shrugged your shoulders watching the tv, where the game was still on, your side with a big ‘you lose’ written on and in his the ‘you win’.

“Ah, i know!” Jungkook’s loud voice scared you, making your body fell out the couch and onto the hard ground.  

“Ouch,” you grunted in pain rubbing your hurt ass. An speedy apology fell from his lips, pulling your hand away from your bottom, putting his own. “What’s the dare then?” You asked, not minding him touching your butt, even though it was affecting you very much.

“I wanna see you making out with her,” the perverted boy tilted his head to the side where your childhood friend was sit on, sat above her boyfriend’s lap to be exact.

“Are you crazy?” You deny, his scary look made you immediately go towards them.

“Hi, Can i kiss you?” You directly asked.

You could see your friend’s boyfriend smiling excitedly by the offer you made, she looked at him asking for permission -- you suppose and when he nodded she did too.

Bending down you caught her lips with your own, finding yourself into a heated make out session. Your girl friend smirked into the kiss and knowing what it means you smirked along.

Her boyfriend just got hard.

And probably Jungkook too.

At the simple thought of your close friend you’ve got a huge crush on being hard because of you made you moan into the make out, your friend probably with the same thoughts but for her boyfriend let out a moan as well.

“Have a good time, baby,” you whispered at her with a pat on her arm signaling at her boyfriend with your head.

“Same goes for you, cutie,” she did the same in Jungkook’s way.

You don’t know how or when it happened but what you really know is that you’ve been pushed to your room wall a bit too painfully for your liking, a pair of hungry lips attacking yours, the tongue of your partner with your own playing inside his mouth, where his teeth trapped it in between while sucking down on it.

“You don’t know how fucking crazy you drive me,” Jungkook growl with a smirk, that grin of his that made you only want to pull your panties down and throw it to his face.

“We’re even then,” you smirked back, feeling his member enter inside you for the first time.

His loud grunt made you almost come right there and then, his closed eyes and open mouth not making your work of holding yourself easier.

Jungkook’s thrusts were fast and hard, your back tomorrow would be sore from the hurtful wall, but you knew he would take care of you, he always did.

Giving you another wet kiss mouth against mouth he came before you did, but didn’t take long for yours to blow out too. And then, his cock still very inside of you, Jungkook jump onto the bed leaving small red marks all over your chest.

“Ready for a long ass ride night?” He whispered onto your ear, sending shivers down your nakedness.

With a playful grin you nodded up at him, “i’m more than ready.”

And tomorrow you’ll be cursing at him for your sore back and core, but don’t worry, this bunny will be taking good care of you.

HYUNG LINE

A/N: I NEED HOLY WATER!!!!!! AND JESUS CHRIST  AS WELL, PLEASE!!

[its-love-u-asshole]

Just a Glimpse [fic]

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei/Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi 

Summary: They’re already playing with fire, hiding in a closet because they couldn’t resist getting their fill of each other at this stupid party. But when two more people seem to have the same idea of slipping away to have fun, Tsukishima isn’t as turned off as he would expect. 

Rating: E

Tags: kinktober 2018, pwp, voyeurism 

Note: This might be my favorite fic for this month LOL I've never gotten to write ushioi before, and even though they're just in this a lil, I really enjoyed it! Also voyeurism is one of my fav things in smut, so it was about time I did this ;) Thanks @emeraldwaves for reading this over!

Read on AO3!

Kuroo was being extra aggressive today, Tsukishima mused as his brain slowly turned to mush.

Whether it was from the end of final exams, or the fact they were too busy to do this sort of thing for a while, Tsukishima didn't know.

Didn't really care either. All he cared about was Kuroo's cock drilling into him, rough and exactly what they both needed.

"Fuck," Tsukishima hissed, trying his best to keep his voice down, but it was difficult when Kuroo managed to hit all his deepest spots, sending all his nerves into a jumbled mess. So good, so much...

Kuroo groaned from where he was kneeling above Tsukishima, using all his strength to plow into him, the stress of exams withering away. His muscles flexed with the effort, and Tsukishima leaned up, pushing his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. How Kuroo could look at him so fondly while simultaneously trying to make sure he couldn't walk the next day, Tsukishima didn't know.

When Kuroo moaned again, pathetic and completely fucked out, Tsukishima's ego spiked dangerously.

He bit his lip, moving his hips back into each thrust.

Tsukishima should've scolded him, he knew that, should've told Kuroo to be quieter. They...may or may not have been at a party. In a room...inside a room.

They were in a walk-in closet of a bedroom.

God, the lows they'd stooped to, all for some privacy. It wasn't their fault they were expected at these things, curse sports clubs.

But then Kuroo buried himself inside of Tsukishima fully, staying there for a few delicious, mind numbing seconds, and none of that mattered. The carpet underneath him was plush, the expensive kind, and even if it wasn't, it was hard to feel anything but good right then.

"More," Tsukishima whispered, suppressing a whine, his legs locking around Kuroo's lower back. And thank god Kuroo never refused him.

"Yeah...ah..." Kuroo moaned, planting his feet firmly to get more leverage, and when Tsukishima tightened up around him, his shaky breaths turned to laughs. "There you go, feel good?"

Tsukishima could only nod profusely, pulling Kuroo down for a kiss as messy as their fucking. They hadn't been able to kiss much as of late either, Tsukishima truly was a goner. He'd missed it, didn't care about how each hurried kiss echoed into the small, heated space.

So humid, so drenched in sex.

He was close, coupled with the loudness of Kuroo's thrusts...

They really were being reckless tonight, but they hadn't been planning to sneak away when they arrived. Like everything with them, things simply seemed to happen.

Kuroo's first release, because yes they were insatiable on top of it all, was no doubt leaking out of Tsukishima's hole, making the thrusts messier, louder. Wet.

Kuroo must've come a good amount too during their first round, Tsukishima could feel it drying on his inner thighs. Debauched; that's how he must've looked, and Kuroo looked the same.

Lips red and swollen, hair more disheveled than usual. All because he couldn't wait, couldn't resist Tsukishima's touch.

Tsukishima broke their kiss at the thought, throwing his head back. The heat coiled in his lower abdomen, and he squirmed; not enough, never enough of Kuroo.

But he wanted to make Kuroo feel good too, more than he already did. Tsukishima latched his lips to Kuroo's neck, biting and sucking. Hey, if he had to walk out of this party trying to hide that fact cum was leaking out of his ass, the least Kuroo could do was look like he'd been mauled.

"Shit," Kuroo moaned, so unbelievably pleased Tsukishima had to blush. Blush. Like he hadn't been completely shameless for the last hour.

Tsukishima whined, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. They might've been alone but...it would just take someone stumbling by to hear them as they were now. Especially with how--

"I know, I'm close too," Kuroo groaned, thrusts becoming more and more haphazard. And that was the thing, Tsukishima didn't want Kuroo to be quiet, he wanted to hear him fall apart. "Fuck, you're amazing, I'm--"

But Tsukishima's life was never without surprises, and he hated it. From the bedroom, he heard the clattering of a doorknob, the sign of someone obviously trying to get in...

Tsukishima knew it was needy of him, but he wanted to curse the world. But unless he wanted them to be found out, he had to hold back this time. The pleasure coursing through his nerves spiked, like his body knew what he was about to do, protesting.

The door opened, he heard voices, and Tsukishima wished he'd propped something against the door.

"W-wait, Tetsu," Tsukishima whispered, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Kuroo was still moving, so desperate...

God, this sucked. He grabbed Kuroo's shoulder, shaking him firmly, until Kuroo's eyes snapped open. "Tetsu, stop!"

And Kuroo did, faster than Tsukishima expected. In a matter of seconds, he'd pulled out of Tsukishima completely, and Tsukishima had to stop himself from shouting at the suddenness. The dazed look in Kuroo's eyes slowly mixed with concern as he looked Tsukishima over, shoulders only slightly trembling from being denied his release.

"What's wrong?" Kuroo asked, hands far gentler in their ministrations now, sliding down Tsukishima's abdomen, over his thighs and bruised hips. "Did I hurt you?"

The consideration is enough to make Tsukishima pause, his breathing shaky for a different reason this time. He didn't need more evidence to prove how doting Kuroo was with him, how attentive, but Kuroo kept giving him more anyways.

Tsukishima shook his head, cupping Kuroo's cheeks to pull him down for a softer, slower kiss. Anything to make the crease in Kuroo's brow lessen.

Of course you didn't.

Kuroo sighed into him, like he always did. When Tsukishima pulled away, and saw the relaxation fade back into Kuroo features, he found he could focus on the task at hand.

And the bastards who interrupted them.

Kuroo's brow furrowed. "Then what--"

Tsukishima brought a hand to his mouth, silencing him. Honestly, Kuroo's voice boomed in the quiet...

With his other hand, Tsukishima pointed to the closet door, cupping his ear as he mouthed 'do you hear that?'

Kuroo squinted, moving to sit up.

Yeah, those were definitely voices on the other side of the door. Fuck.

Thank god they'd chosen the closet. Kuroo insisted no one would stumble in on them then, but what was the difference now? Plus, this was the owner's bedroom. What host in their right mind would let people have access to their parents' bedroom?

Tsukishima wanted to have words with them, but then again, he'd benefited from the carelessness too...

The thought made him painfully aware of his still hard cock, though it had already begun to soften from the scare.

He winced, his hole clenching around nothing, and as the arousal faded, the soreness in his limbs came back. He was aware of his bruises now, the parts of his body where Kuroo pressed and kneaded, dug his fingers into...

Normally, that soreness was amazing, after he came. Now Tsukishima just felt cheated.

Tsukishima glanced down Kuroo's body, his cock still rock hard and red at the tip. Enticing.

Yeah, he super hated whoever was in the room, and he intended to figure out who it was.

He pulled on Kuroo's hoodie, for some shred of decency just in case he was spotted, and then gradually moved past Kuroo. He was silent as he could possibly be with how ragged his breathing was, jostling the knob and cracking the door open.

And now, he triple hated the people in the room.

Oh, great.

He watched as Oikawa stumbled into the room, eyes sharp and cutting, able to topple teams from across the court with his gaze alone.

Ushijima did not seem fazed at all. In fact, he stepped closer to Oikawa after he slammed the door of the bedroom, his expression the most intense Tsukishima had ever seen it.

He didn't think he could look so...on fire when it came to anything other than volleyball, but maybe he and Oikawa did just hate each other that much.

Or, that’s what everyone thought.

"What the hell was that?" Oikawa hissed, like he was spitting out something foul, and Ushijima stepped closer.

His voice was as deep and powerful as ever. It pissed Tsukishima off, and he wasn't even on the receiving end of it. Same team or not, those memories of blocking Ushijima from the other side of the court never went away.

Tsukishima felt Kuroo scoot closer to the small sliver in the door, watching, wondering.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ushijima said, and damn, Tsukishima wondered how he did that. How he kept his voice so calm and emotionless, when it so clearly wasn't. There was something dangerous hidden deep under the bleak tone, even Tsukishima could pick it up.

He...he was angry, upset?

"Bullshit," Oikawa huffed, a sharp laugh ringing through the room.

The place where they stood, in front of the bed, was at least twenty or thirty feet away. It was a huge master bedroom, and well…

The host of this party had to be rich.

But the point was, something about Oikawa's next words were too hushed to hear, yet his shoulders trembled, incensed.

In a flash, Ushijima was up in his face, nostrils flaring. Tsukishima had never see him lose his cool like this. He uttered something, low and probably unkind.

Funny, how they'd never put their differences aside from high school.

"Man, they're getting pretty heated," Kuroo whispered, and his breath on the back of Tsukishima's neck made the blond shiver. Curiosity or not, Tsukishima was still pissed they'd been interrupted. Something in his body squirmed, his toes curling even without the stimulation.

Just the thought was enough to send him reeling. Not caring how it seemed, Tsukishima leaned back against Kuroo's chest, pressing his nose against his neck.

Kuroo tensed, and Tsukishima heard him swallow.

Neither of them had gotten what they needed, but this was too dangerous...

Maybe if Oikawa stormed off, ending the fight...

It seemed like a lost cause though. Next thing they knew, Oikawa's hands were fisted in the front of Ushijima's shirt.

"You..." The setter trailed off, his hands shaking, and Ushijima froze, waiting, a ticking time bomb.

Tsukishima swallowed, his own body stiff from what he saw, and Kuroo's hand curling around his waist. "I think they might...actually fight," he whispered, silently hoping they'd take it outside.

He felt Kuroo nod against him, worried, and in any other situation the raven might've intervened by then. Always looking out for people...

He wouldn't get the chance this time, or Tsukishima thought. But naturally, things just got weirder and weirder, and Tsukishima was so close to screaming.

The next thing Tsukishima knew, Oikawa's lips crashed into Ushijima's merciless and desperate. It reminded Tsukishima of how he felt back when he and Kuroo lived hours away from each other; every visit, their first kiss would be fierce, messy.

This was like that, but with an added element of confusion.

Tsukishima would admit it, his jaw dropped.

"Oh my god," Tsukishima couldn't stop himself from saying, not sure how to handle or process any of this. Ushijima's hands cupped Oikawa's face, and there was something more intimate about that touch; it made Tsukishima look away, just long enough to glance at Kuroo's star struck expression.

They were both thinking the same things, apparently.

When.

Why.

What.

Oikawa Tooru hated Ushijima. Right?

What had they missed? Every damn time he and Kuroo ran into them, they were arguing, or staring at each other across the room, or talking about each other, or--

Oh.

Oh shit.

As if echoing his thoughts, he could feel Kuroo smirk, his tone positively delighted. "Some kind of hatred."

Yeah, no kidding.

Tsukishima looked back, and the edge of romance was gone from Ushijima's demeanor. Now it was all carnal desire, lust, frustration.

Tsukishima understood then, he and Kuroo had accidentally witnessed a breakthrough in a relationship years in the making.

Some observers they were.

Tsukishima watched Oikawa lick his lips, his eyes craving, wanting...

Tsukishima could relate, especially right then. Guess they'd be stuck in this closet a while...

The direction his thoughts went made Tsukishima bite his lip.

It...it wasn't fair, Tsukishima thought, mind already going a little fuzzy. It was embarrassing, but the way Ushijima threw Oikawa against the bed, pinning him down...

Tsukishima rolled his hips down, his ass pressing against Kuroo's cock, the heat dulling the humiliation. This was wrong, so wrong, but Tsukishima needed what Oikawa was so unjustly receiving.

Tsukishima knew they should've just gone home, but that had been his own fault too, hadn't it?

Impatient, starved.

Ushijima grabbed Oikawa jeans, stripping him down in record time, and although Oikawa glared, his legs immediately locked around Ushijima's waist, pulling him in.

They were like animals, tugging and ripping at clothes until they were both hard and wanton, Ushijima's large hands spreading Oikawa's ass lewdly.

Tsukishima would never be able to play on the court with him again, not without remembering this.

It seemed unimportant though, with how effectively Ushijima's fingers were playing with Oikawa's entrance, slicked up with lube.

They were rushing, skipping the foreplay, but maybe they needed that. Maybe denial still burned bright and strong in their hearts, labeling this as a simple hate-fuck.

With how Ushijima's eyes shone, Tsukishima knew it wouldn't end there.

He was glad he and Kuroo had gotten over their own ridiculousness; they were here now, together, close...

The closet was still so humid, and Tsukishima's skin burned.

He sighed again, closing his eyes, spreading his legs as Kuroo's own hands dipped between them, teasing Tsukishima's perineum.

"Well," Kuroo whispered, licking the shell of Tsukishima's ear as Ushijima began to fingerfuck Oikawa in earnest, pulling out pathetic moans unbecoming of the former captain.

And before the blond knew it, his own back was on the ground again, legs spread as the hunger in Kuroo's eyes returned. "That looks like fun."

And all logical thoughts left him.

"Want me to fuck you like that?" Kuroo asked, kissing down Tsukishima's neck. The blond noticed he'd left the door open, he could somewhat see and hear Oikawa getting pounded, and a surge of jealousy spiked in him.

"Yeah," he whispered, and he kissed the razor sharp smirk right off of Kuroo's mouth.

Afterwards, the world started to blur, apart from Kuroo, and the debauched noises outside the door. Tsukishima clawed at his abdomen; it was too hot, he wanted to be touched more.

He hiked up his sweatshirt, tugging harshly at his own nipples as Kuroo watched, licking his lips. He loved when Tsukishima played with himself, sent something primal off in him.

At the thought, Tsukishima whined, but stilled almost immediately after, wondering if he'd been too loud. He wasn't totally lost yet.

The only downside of leaving the door open, they had to be somewhat quiet.

However, Oikawa's moans answered back, twice as loud, unaware of onlookers.

Shit.

This really was a stupid idea, but when he felt Kuroo's cock rub against his thighs, hard and ready again, he couldn't find the will to care.

His brain only urged him to take more, to ask for more, and he tugged Kuroo down for another mind-numbing kiss.

When Kuroo's fingers slid into Tsukishima easily, they both had to stifle their moans. God, Tsukishima probably felt amazing, he knew it. Warm, stretched, his walls still coated with Kuroo's cum.

As if echoing the awe, Kuroo brought his fingers out slowly, letting Tsukishima hear and see the squelch, smearing the cum on his thighs.

He knew it was gross, filthy; he bucked his hips up, seeking more.

Kuroo's forearms boxed in his head, and somehow, the raven still managed to look at him like he was precious, even as he finally slid his cock back inside.

Thank god Oikawa screamed at that moment, because Tsukishima wouldn't have been able to hold back his whimper if he'd tried.

Kuroo's hand covered his mouth then with his clean hand, half serious, half taunting. Surely, he knew Tsukishima would die if they were found out.

But at the same time...

Kuroo's eyes sparked with something perverted, and Tsukishima rose to the challenge, his tongue flicking out to lick between his fingers.

Kuroo's eyes narrowed, and he angled himself perfectly, his first thrust hitting in just the right place.

Tsukishima turned his head away, back bowing, and he could see through the sliver again.

Oikawa's legs were hiked up on Ushijima's shoulders, and the spiker was being, quite frankly, merciless with his thrusts. Oikawa wouldn't break, because he never did, but the bed might.

It creaked obscenely, rocking with each thrust, and from the climbing pitch of Oikawa's voice, he was close.

It was then Kuroo started to thrust in earnest, matching Ushijima's rhythm exactly. He must've been watching too.

And well, Kuroo had always been a quick learner.

"Oh f-fuck," Tsukishima breathed out, hushed but frantic, the pace unfamiliar. Kuroo tended to focus more on the power of his thrusts than the speed, but right then he was giving it his all, hiking Tsukishima's hips up to plow into him.

Suddenly, he could relate to Oikawa, but jealousy still burned somewhere in his heart.

Oikawa could be loud, Oikawa could scream and thrash from how deep Ushijima's cock was hitting, but Tsukishima had to slap his hands over his mouth to keep his cries in.

Fuck, it felt so good, so good...

He wished they were home, wanted Kuroo to do his worst where they both could show their appreciation for it.

If Oikawa's garbled cry meant he'd finally come, Tsukishima didn't know, or care anymore. His abdomen was tightening again, his ass clinging to Kuroo's cock, every thrust less precise.

He didn't know if they were making noise or not, with how Kuroo's balls and hips slapped against his ass, but he didn't care.

He was so close, and he pulled Kuroo down against him, just to have something to hang onto as his eyes rolled back, back bowing beautifully with release.

Finally.

Kuroo's mouth crashed against his to smother his own moans, hips stilling inside Tsukishima, cock buried to the hilt. Tsukishima regretted that too, not being able to hear Kuroo call out his name.

The memory is enough right then though, that and the way Kuroo's hand comes to cradle the back of his head.

Strange, how such a gesture sent him over the edge.

Tsukishima's sight disappeared, replaced with white specks as his body trembled, legs twitching as he tried to keep them still.

Pleasure wracked his body, those intoxicating, too short seconds of ecstasy overtaking him. They drained him of everything, his muscles relaxing almost immediately after as Kuroo laid all his wait on top of him.

Tsukishima accepted it, always would.

Along with Kuroo's sweaty forehead against his neck, his own release drying on their stomachs, and Kuroo's hand intertwining with his.

Tsukishima squeezes Kuroo's hand as his boyfriend's cock slipped out of him, spent and leaving a trail of white behind.

If it started to leak out, Tsukishima didn't mind. He was already fucked out and dirty beyond belief, at least he was satisfied.

They'd take a long, hot bath when they got home.

For now...

Tsukishima stretched, turning his head to glance out of the door to where Oikawa and Ushijima's boneless forms lay, facing each other.

Tsukishima couldn't hear what they were saying, but there was a calmness there. He couldn't see much either, not their expressions, or their hands. But he could see Oikawa's foot slide up Ushijima's leg, could see Ushijima's arm drape over him...

Well, maybe they weren't as hopeless as he'd initially assumed.

Not wanting to intrude anymore than they had, which was a lot, considering the cum on Tsukishima's chest, he shut the door.

After all, they were entitled to some privacy.

Or, maybe Tsukishima just wanted his own.

Turning back to Kuroo's smiling face, grin lazy and sated, giving everything away, Tsukishima curled up against him.

Whispering ‘I love you’ in the silence of the room was too risky, but it hardly mattered when Kuroo kissed the tops of his cheeks, his forehead…

It said more than enough.

Tsukishima sighed, content at last. Sex was one thing to share, fun too, he would admit. However, he liked keeping these moments to himself, liked keeping Kuroo all to himself.

He assumed Oikawa felt the same about Ushijima, deep down.

So, with that in mind, Tsukishima kept the door shut the rest of the night until the two left, and promised himself they'd find a room with a lock next time around.