#anxious avoidant

[cherriesndwin3]

my fear of intimacy is insane

[5051704xoxo]

sorry, i might disappear from time to time but so does my will to live

[sacred-recognition]

I was just a bad dream.

[insatiablexi]

[lastsecondsquirrel]

I am so so tired of having the compassion for everyone else that they don't have for me

You're having a bad day? Let me pause my whole life so I can help you with that. Let me give you that book that is so so special to me knowing I won't be getting it back. Let me play along with your cruel jokes, tend to your wounds and carry you across the finish line

I'm having a bad day and I must apologize for feeling feelings in your direction I guess I should have tried harder but I'll see you next time you need something

[lemon-bomb]

Anxious avoidant attachment style has me by the throat

[zolaniii1]

ew.

Me: “i want a serious loving relationship”

also me after getting into something kinda serious with someone that requires a level of vulnerability, trust communication and me not overthinking: “you know what never mind.”

[brainspiraling]

Sometimes when people say they "can't give you what you need", they mean they won't— they don't care enough to.

[digitaldogpark]

Give u a banan

If you give a horse a banan

interactions super appreciated :]]]]

also asks are ALWAYS open ask me anythinggg

[brittmarihaxoxo-blog]

And if I start screaming, I ain’t fucking stopping at this point.

[l0tt1ee]

[scarlet4rose]

I think I'm in love with you

Jess Mariano x reader y/n angst

₊ ⋆˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ‧

A November night. Rain keeps on pouring down, the sky is dark. you're kind of sad and look out of the window, which is full of raindrops and offers a view of ... nothing at all. there's nothing to see.

you think. But suddenly there's the glimpse of a shadow and this November night no longer seems to mean just nothing at all.

You crack open the window a little and glance out. "Hello?" you call out into the dark. You're about to close the window again until you hear his voice. "Don't"

You widen your eyes: "Jess?" "Yeah, it's me" he's all wet and seems to be trying to stop himself from shivering.

"Are you stupid? What are you doing here?" you ask. he could get sick in the cold and the rain, you think. you're worried about him actually.

"oh great, that's just typical. the first thing you ask is if i'm stupid! That's how you think of me, right?" Jess pretends to be upset and has his brows furrowed.

"what?" you shake your head, "no, that's not true…" "well, then what is true?" he replies, sounding kind of provocative

"You're gonna be real sick by tomorrow! True enough??"

he tries hard not to smile. "so what are you gonna do about it?"

"let you in, I guess?", you sigh.

"That's what I was hoping for". Jess steps closer to your window and climbs into your room. his clothes are full of rain and it's dripping on the carpet.

you groan in annoyance: "you're making a huge mess here and I don't even know why... why you're here"

"Huge mess?" Jess looks at you in disbelief, "Jesus, Y/N, it's just water. it'll dry."

Your expression remains unchanged. "Jess, what are you doing here?". He tilts his head a little. "I was bored. that's all ".

"great. whenever you're bored, i'm good enough," you cross your arms and turn your head to the side.

Jess and you are good friends. you go to school together, you occasionally help him with his homework, since he doesn't do any of it on his own. you're cool. but sometimes, just sometimes, you're overcome with a feeling of helplessness when you're around him. a feeling that you could want more, but you just can't be. you're too different and everyone knows he's no good for you.

Jess just smiles: "maybe".

but you're not in the mood for his games tonight. "go home, Jess. I really don't know what you want from me right now. it's kinda late. contact your homework help next time during the day!"

Jess blinks in confusion: "woah, Y/N. that's not what i meant. you know you're not just my homework help, come on now."

he tries to reach for your hand, but you pull it away. you won't even look at him.

"please Y/N, what the hell are you doin ? I don't understand. I never said anything like that"

you swallow: "i know. sometimes you just think certain things. but you never say them".

Jess sounds almost angry now: "Stop it! you don't know what you're saying"

"you're right", you reply in a sarcastic tone, "how on earth am I supposed to know what I am saying".

"God!" Jess takes a step back, "what's the matter with you all of a sudden? why are you actin like i don't care about you?"

you can't help it, you turn your face towards him and try your best to give him a cold and determined look. "I don't have to act like you don't care about me. I already know you don't"

his eyes grow sad und he just looks at you, doesn't say a word for about a minute. he seems to be deep in thought for a while and you're beginning to feel uneasy. maybe you went too far, you think.

"Jess...?", you mutter

"Y/N", his expression remains stern.

"Yeah?"

"you care about me?", he then asks. your breath hitches in your throat. Of course you do! how couldn't you? he was never supposed to know though...

"well, what do you wanna hear?", you try to play it cool, but you can feel your foolish heart jumping up and down in your chest like a maniac.

"you know, maybe you're right. you know, right about how we think certain things but never say them?"

"I guess so", your heart is beating even faster. is he going to break it now?

"I think stuff. and it's just stupid. but when I asked you if you cared about me... I kinda wanted you to say you do"

You look at him shocked, wanting to yell, 'But I do', but you can't seem to form the words.

"And it's just stupid cause… I think I'm kind of in love with you. or whatever this feeling is, because I've never been in love before" .

his confession hits you like a train and you feel numb, it's all so dreamy, so surreal. "Jess, I didn't know", you burst out. you wanna fall into his arms and confess to him too, but he's already at your window. opening it.

"yeah, it's whatever", He bites down on his lower lip, "gonna get over it anyway"

"No, Jess, wait, please wait", you plead with him to stay, but he doesn't listen. he's out of your room in a second, rain pouring down on him.

"i dont wanna wait. I'm always stuck waiting for something. not gonna wait. no more", he says in a cold voice. and then he's gone, disappeared into the night.

you feel like you might break down and cry at any moment, but you know how to pull yourself together, cause you have always had to your whole life. And now you know something else too. Jess loves you. and you got feelings for him too, there's no denying it any longer. and you know he needs to know. he won't have to wait anymore.

Because tommorow at school, you'll see him again

--------------------˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚---------------------

[lastsecondsquirrel]

There is a pair of crows that visits my house every day for peanuts and I haven't fully gained their trust but their companionship has been so so so so nice. I have something I actually look forward to, I'm forced to go in front of my home every day (used to be terrifying, now just kinda stressful), and I have really cool friends that I didn't meet through my sisters!!

I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them

[velvetkisses28]

serving anxious-avoidant attachment style to my laptop today.

[free-grandmaa]

He got me this way

I lean into him a bit

He pulls me to stay

In black and white

An eclipse of passion

A line of fate

I misbehave

He likes me this way

[empresscatherin]