#I’ve begun to be able to tell who’s gonna be a love interest based on description which is neat

[monstrousfire]

Yeah ok I saw this coming

[writemedrawme]

The One Who Didn't Like You, Pt. 1

Dennis (Split) x reader

Description: You like Dennis, but Dennis has never liked you. One bad day makes you bold and you try to tease him, but his reaction is not what you expected...

Warning(s): Angst, arguing, cursing, sexual/suggestive content

Why couldn’t you have fallen in love with Kyle from Food City? Or Jace from high-school band? Or Louis from Tinder? No, you had to catch feelings for the person least interested in you. Miss Patricia said that was wrong, she seemed to think he tolerated you more than he did. Jade and Barry shared the sentiment, albeit a bit more dramatically, they tried to tell you he was completely definitely in love with you. Kevin even argued that he must have some feelings for you. And Hedwig, well Hedwig kept asking if you could name your kids after him. You hadn’t talked to many of the others about it, you weren’t as close with them. However, even with people whose opinions you would usually trust without thought assuring you that Dennis did not find you disgusting, you were utterly unconvinced.

Dennis was a refined, intelligent, put together man. He probably preferred a woman more along the lines of those standards. You did not fit that image. Your dismissal of Dennis’s alleged feelings were not solely based on your insecurities, however. As comfortable as you were with everyone from Patricia to even the Beast and all the personalities in between, you had never been able to create a connection between yourself and Dennis. It wasn’t for lack of trying, you used to always try to talk to Dennis when he was around. He wasn’t rude to you by any means, you could just tell that he was uncomfortable. He averted his eyes, answered quickly, and never initiated a conversation. At first you thought maybe you had an unevenly buttoned shirt, or a stain on your jeans, that maybe his OCD was the reason for his discomfort. However, no matter how you dressed or meticulously inspected yourself it was never enough.

You couldn’t believe you had fallen for him in the first place. It wasn’t as if you were in love when you first met him, though you couldn’t lie, seeing his body language and expressions did make you fairly attracted to him. You had primarily only found him attractive for the longest time. Your infatuation didn’t start until one night when you had stayed over at their place. You were up very late, sitting in the kitchen and sipping on a glass of water. Dennis had heard when you tripped over your own pajama pants and fell outside his door. You hadn’t disclosed your reasoning for requesting to stay at their home, but it was clear something was bothering you. Dennis approached you slowly.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” you mumbled.

“You alright?” he asked. He stayed a good distance away from you, not quite willing to sit beside you or even stand beside you.

You rubbed your eyes, hoping he would think the redness was from your hand and not your tears. “Yeah, fine.”

Dennis simply stared at you for a second before he turned around and left without a word. You almost burst into tears then, not sure what you had expected, but hoping for something more. It was a good thing you didn’t though, because mere moments later he returned. You couldn’t speak you were so shocked when he walked up behind you, placing a much too big for you sweater around your shoulders. The warmth you felt startled you, as you honestly hadn’t even realized you were cold. Dennis smoothed the shoulders down over you, pressing out all the wrinkles. It was because of his OCD, but in that moment it just felt like a tender touch.

“It’s my old one, you can have it. I know Kevin makes it pretty cold in here.” He rumbled, his low voice sending more shivers down your spine.

You barely mumbled a thank you as he left, staring wide eyed at his retreating back.

It was sad that this was what turned the tables for you, but now anytime you saw him you felt a rush of emotions; nervousness, attraction, longing… honestly it was embarrassing. From that moment on you were sure every interaction was different, at least in your head. You thought he looked at you with a slightly difficult look in his eye, but it was probably nothing.

Part of you hoped he wouldn’t be home tonight, but part of you hoped he would be. You had requested again to stay with them again tonight, and Jade had cleared it with you. As you wandered down the endless corridors to get to their home, you tried not to think too much about Dennis and just focus on the directions you’d memorized to get to them. Two rights and a left later and you stepped up to their main door, raising a fist to knock.

“Hold on a minute,” you heard Jade stumble to the door, checking when you heard a thud and a curse. The door swung open and Jade froze, expression shifting from a welcoming smile to a rather coy one. “Well hello, foxy lady,” she teased.

You flushed, pulling down your skirt. “Shut up,” You stepped by her, hanging your purse on the coat rack. “thanks again for letting me stay over… again,”

Jade ignored you, striding over and spinning you around to face her. She bit her lip, giving you a once over. “Well if you’re tryna catch his attention you’re definitely on the right track,”

“I’m not, shut up!” You were lying. You definitely picked out a pleated black and yellow plaid skirt with an oversized black off the shoulder sweater for a reason – and the lack of bra was also for a reason. It wasn’t too obvious, though. You weren’t that brave.

Jade was, though. She reached out and gave your boob a squeeze, laughing when you squealed and swatted her away. “What’s this for then?”

You tried to hide your smile. “I just felt like it.”

“Well I’m impressed but I’m not the one you’re trying to impress,” Jade giggled. “Sit down, I’ll start the movie.”

You flopped onto the couch, pulling your skirt down over your thighs. It was pretty short…

You had a bad day. A really bad day. Your roommate was a bitch but she charged low rates. On days when she was particularly bad you stayed over with Kevin and the alters. In your heated rush to pack your bag and head out you had made a rash decision. You were mad at your roommate and your landlord and some asshole on the freeway and when you thought of him, Dennis too. So you were going to make it hard for him to ignore you. You knew he had a thing for pleated skirts and obviously braless girls, Barry had made fun of his fashion taste enough in the past. You were gonna piss everyone off today. However, as you walked down the corridors your anger cooled, and you had begun to realize what you were wearing, just as you were now, sitting on the couch.

You couldn’t focus on the movie at all. You were too stressed that Dennis would take the light at some point tonight, or that Jade would convince him to. You didn’t think she noticed your discomfort. By the end of the movie you had wiggled your skirt so low it was hanging lower on your hips, and Jade was almost asleep. She let out a yawn, stretching her arms above her head.

“It’s late girl,” she stood, rubbing her eyes. “I’m gonna head to sleep.”

You breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully she’d go to sleep and nobody else would get the light, and if she didn’t you’d get to bed fast anyway. “Okay, I’ll go soon too.”

“Gnight, Y/N.” Jade mumbled, shuffling to her room.

You stayed there for a moment before finally getting up the energy to stand. You were tired too. You winced at your skirt’s waistband cutting into your hips. You glanced around the corner, making sure there was no sign of Jade before you pulled up your skirt. Geez, it barely covered your ass. You hoped you hadn’t flashed anyone on your way there…

You decided tonight you would grab yourself a glass of water first and then head to bed, so you grabbed your bag and made your way to the kitchen. You stood on your tippy toes and grabbed yourself a glass. You filled it with water and began to walk to your room, but, because you were ever a klutz, tripped over your own feet. Now thankfully you didn’t fall, but you did definitely drop the entire glass on the floor. You cursed. The glass somehow didn’t shatter, but did leave a rather large puddle and roll all the way under the table. You decided you would tackle the puddle first. You managed to soak most of it up with half a roll of paper towels pretty quickly, you just needed the glass. You knelt down, spotting it on the other side of the table. Shifting to your hands and knees you almost had to go completely under the table, but you did manage to grab it. Just as you grasped the glass, you heard a voice behind you.

“Fucking hell.”

You knew that voice anywhere. You cringed inwardly, scooting out from under the table and trying your best not to look at Dennis, who was undoubtedly disgusted by the mess he knew you just made. “Sorry, I dropped my glass… I cleaned it up, and the glass didn’t even break, see? I -"

You broke and looked up at him, but froze when you saw him. His expression was not one you had seen before. His fists were clenched and so was his jaw. His eyes were not on the damp floor or the unbroken glass, but on your skirt. You swallowed. Oh yeah, your skirt. You were just bent over in front of him. He had to be blind to not have seen all the way to your thong.

His chest heaved under his white night t shirt and you could tell his teeth were clenched as he spoke. “What… what are you doing?”

“I…” you swallowed, slowly standing up. “Cleaning up my mess…”

He wasn’t satisfied with that answer. He just stared at you, his face and body so tense it looked like he was fighting something. You pulled down your skirt a little, and his eyes darted down to it.

“Why are you wearing that? You never dress like this,”

“You know what I dress like?” you cringed inwardly. That was not the conversation you should be having. You didn’t know what conversation you should be having, but if wasn’t that.

“Yes, I’ve been around you and seen what you wear. It isn’t that.”

You felt a little offended by his attitude towards you. Usually he was passive, but right now he was being so aggressive. “Why does it matter? Maybe I had a date or I just thought I looked good,”

His expression changed. “Why did you have a date?”

“I didn’t,” you admitted, half wishing you’d have lied. “But I could’ve,”

“With who?”

You blinked. “Nobody, I just said -"

“You said you could have. You could have had a date with who?”

This was a strange conversation. You could almost, almost see jealousy in Dennis's eyes. So you made a decision. If you were wrong this would be the most embarrassing moment in your life, but if you were right…

You stepped forward, pulling your skirt back up on your hips. You noted his lingering gaze. “Dennis, why does that matter? If I want a date I will go get one. I have nobody pining over me or waiting for me so I have no reason not to. So if I want to pull up my skirt and take off my bra and go find somebody who thinks I’m beautiful and wants to take me home I will. I have nothing stopping me, do I?”

You were at a standstill. You wouldn’t speak until he spoke first. You felt triumphant, confident.

Then, Dennis turned to leave.

You watched in shock as he rounded the corner, all of your confidence draining. You were wrong. “Fuck you and fuck me,” you mumbled. Tears welled in your eyes. “Asshole.”

“What was that?”

You shook your head, grabbing your bag and stomping down the hallway with hi.. “I said fuck you and fuck me, you asshole.”

“Why?”

You stopped, spinning to face him. “Because you can’t be a normal person. You can’t just reject me or tell me you’re not interested, you just walk away. You walk away like your better than me and you are I guess but you don’t have to be such a fucking dick about it!”

“Reject you?”

“Yes, reject me. What you think I dressed like your fantasy chick and stare at you all the time? Because I’m interested in somebody else?”

Dennis looked stunned. Completely and utterly stunned. You felt your heart beat slow. You were at another standstill, but this time he was cemented in place.

“You didn’t know that?” you asked.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why me?”

You felt your heart melt as his voice broke. You thought it had been obvious. “Because… you’re sweet, deep down. You’re protective, you care so deeply for Kevin and the others, you’re smart and eloquent … I love your accent, you’re so identifiable from the others, you’re handsome and brave… because you’re you, Dennis.”

Dennis had tears welled in his eyes, and he looked like he was assessing you, searching for a reason to doubt you.

You decided to take another risk. You walked to him slowly, giving him enough time to back away if he needed. You stopped right in front of him, so close you could feel the heat coming off of his body. You moved incredibly slowly, giving him even more time to back away, but he still didn’t. So you leaned in and wrapped your arms around his waist, laying your head on his chest. It took him a moment but to your surprise, he slowly wrapped his arms around you too. Your heart was beating so hard you were sure he could feel it, but you could feel his too. His body was firm and warm and you never wanted to let go. You felt his breath on your ear as he nuzzled into you.

“Is this a rejection hug?” you mumbled.

“No,” Dennis’s chest rumbled as he spoke.

You squeezed him lightly, gently starting to stroke his back. It took him a moment, but you felt Dennis’s hand shakily, slowly lower. With one hand he played with the hem of your shirt, and with the other he gently rubbed the place your bra would be. You slid a hand under his shirt, letting it rest on his side and giving him permission to do the same.

His hand slid under slowly, just barely grazing your skin with his fingertips before he let himself lay his hand flat on your back. He shuddered as he felt up your bare back, imagining what was on the other side. You could feel his hesitation to touch you any further. Your body was screaming for him to touch you, but you were also scared of this being a one time thing. You loved him, this would be more than sex for you.

“Dennis?”

He retracted his hand, assuming he had crossed a line. “I’m sorry, I -"

“No no,” you grabbed his larger hand, holding it as best you could in yours. “If you want to take me into your bedroom and screw me and then pretend it never happened I can’t do that. I can’t get you for a night and never have you again, I want so much more with you. So tell me now, please.”

Dennis stared down at you as if you had three heads. “Nobody’s ever looked at me like you do,” he mumbled.

You flushed and looked away, focusing on his hand. He pulled it from your hand and instead engulfed yours with his. He gave it a squeeze. “Please don’t ever stop,” He said.

You couldn’t keep the smile that spread across your face off. You brought his hand to your cheek, pressing against him and closing your eyes. He released your hand and held your face for a moment before he moved again, threading his hand through your hair and cupping the base of you head. He watched you closely for any sign you wanted him to stop. You made sure not to give him any. Slowly, he leaned in, stopping again just before your lips touched. You stood up on your toes and pressed your mouth on his, your whole body electrifying. You’d fantasized about this for so long, and it was everything you’d ever dreamed of. He was perfect, the hand on the back of your neck firm hut not painful, his other hand traveling down your side and under your shirt to squeeze your waist. You couldn’t decide where to put your hands first. He was finally yours to hold and squeeze and just touch. Your right hand cupped his jaw, loving the feel of him moving in the kiss. Your other hand mimicked his, under his shirt and feeling up his back. You moaned into his mouth and he gripped your hair along with your neck, and you squeaked when he pulled you forwards. He broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I… I want…” you couldn’t get the words out, or you couldn’t decide on them, you weren’t even sure.

He understood. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

...

This is part one, do we want a part two? I may have some smut on the way... lol I'm in such need for Dennis content I'm just writing it myself.

[you-can-call-me-wanda]

Fake Dating

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Reader

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for reading :)

When you first started dating Nikki Sixx, it was all for the money.

Now dating someone for money may sound cruel and awful to most, but in your case, it was a little different. Dating Nikki was literally your job.

You had been reached out to by Nikki’s management close to eight months ago and were offered the job of becoming his fake partner. Mötley Crüe had gotten into some sort of scandal once again that had the public upset and protesting their work. It really wasn’t anything that bad that the band had been up to, just their typical hotel shenanigans, but it happened right before their new album release and their label was desperate to change the opinions of any upset mothers to try and increase album sales.

So, they had reached out to you. Why? Because you were exactly what they needed to get the public back on the side of Mötley Crüe. You were a small-time actor and pretty much universally liked. Having gotten most of your fame from starring in a recent and popular children’s movie, you were recognizable to children and parents alike. You were relatively new to professional acting, so there was no sort of rumors or nasty gossip associated with your name. Not to mention, you were young and beautiful and, even better, had no criminal record. You perfect for the role of Nikki Sixx’s significant other.

You were hesitant to accept of course. Sure, you had heard rumors of celebrities with fake or hired partners before, but never had you been asked to be in on one of those schemes. It felt wrong, to be lying to so many people, but the pay was too good for you turn down. You were in between gigs at the moment, having had no job offers since your big movie role. Maybe it was wrong to have ever accepted, but you had, and there was definitely no turning back now.

To everyone’s surprise and Mötley Crüe management’s absolute glee, the tabloids and press was obsessed with your and Nikki’s relationship. After just one “date” out with Nikki, a no-expenses lunch courtesy of Elektra Records and lots of well-timed hand holding and pecks on the cheek, paparazzi photos of the two of you could be seen on virtually every teen gossip magazine’s cover. When people mentioned Mötley Crüe now, they were talking about you and Nikki, not the fact that they got banned from the Hilton or destroyed over fourteen thousand dollars’ worth of property at their last hotel stay on tour.

Like you were, Nikki had been hesitant to play along with this fake relationship. It was weird and the whole thing was uncomfortable in the beginning. You were a complete stranger to him and now he was expected to kiss you in public and take you out on dates? It was awkward to say the least. But over time, the two of you warmed up to each other and your roles. With every staged date, you two got closer and closer and got to know each other more and more. Things got easier, and you actually began to enjoy the company that Nikki provided when you saw him, and the two of you even began to hang out sometimes even when it wasn’t scheduled by corporate.

“Hey (Y/N)!”

You turned around where you stood to see Nikki and his best friend and bandmate, Tommy, running towards you.

“Hey,” you said, smiling widely at the two boys. “You guys ready for your big show?”

Today was the last night of Mötley Crüe’s tour and it was the biggest show yet. You had been invited by management since the show was to be filmed with some backstage footage as well. And since Nikki was your fake boyfriend, it only made sense for you to be there with him.

“Hell yeah!” Tommy cheered, twirling his drumsticks in his hands. “Tonight is going to be killer! You’re gonna be watching from side stage, right?”

“Of course I will,” you said. “You know how much I love seeing you guys play.”

And it was true. The best part about your newest acting role besides getting to hang out with Nikki, was watching his band perform on stage.

“That’s why you’re the best,” Tommy said, ruffling a hand through your hand and bounding off down the hall on the venue excitedly. “I’m going to go warm up!” he called over his shoulder. “Don’t chicken out on me Sixx!”

You turned back to Nikki with a confused smile.

“That boy is all kinds of weird,” you laughed.

“Tell me about it,” Nikki said with an eye roll.

“What does he mean about chickening about?” you asked. “You nervous for the show or something?”

Nikki had never seemed nervous before a performance before. He was normally excited, but maybe since this was his biggest gig yet, the stage fright was getting to him. You examined him carefully. He did look a little nervous. He was tapping his fingers to an irregular rhythm against his leather-clad thigh and biting his lip just slightly.

Nikki sighed through his nose and attempted to look non-chalant. The real reason he was so nervous was because tonight was the night he had decided would be the time when finally he told you that he loved you. He had stupidly mentioned it to Tommy who in turn had told Mick and Vince and half the crew. Now, almost thirty people had wagered money on whether he would actually go through with it or not. Somehow, thankfully, you had been left blissfully in the dark to all of this.

“No,” Nikki said. “I’m not nervous. It’s nothing really. Just Tommy being dumb like always.”

“Oh, okay,” you responded. “As long as you’re okay. By the way, Mick said you wanted to talk to me earlier.”

Nikki cursed under his breath. Of course, Mick would intervene. He had bet a hefty amount of cash on Nikki being brave enough to confess his feelings to you.

“He did? Oh, well, it’s really nothing important. It can wait until later,” he said, swallowing thickly.

In reality, Nikki was genuinely terrified to tell you that he loved and ask you out. Normally, he was confident in matters like this, but with you, he felt like he was diving headfirst into the unknown. He felt a connection with you, and he was sure that his feelings for you were true, but he had no idea if you felt the same. In any other situation, he could probably figure out if someone were interested in him based on how they interacted, but with you that was near impossible. You were literally being paid to date him. How was he to discern between your acting and what you really thought? For all he knew, you could hate his guts and just be putting on a show to keep getting your monthly check.

And if he told you that he loved you, and you didn’t feel the same, he wouldn’t know what to do. Not only would he be heartbroken, but he wouldn’t be able to hide from you. You would still be invited to events and he would still have to pretend to be your boyfriend. He couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to kiss you knowing that you didn’t and had never had any feelings for him.

“Are you sure?” you asked. “There’s plenty of time to talk now. You’re not on for another hour at least.”

“I just uh, I just- I don’t know,” Nikki stammered.

“Sixx,” you said with a laugh. “Just tell me.” You placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You’re my fake boyfriend, remember? I love you,” you joked.

Your words pained Nikki because he knew you were only teasing.

“Do you really though?” Nikki asked quietly, finally finding the strength to make his move.

The smile slipped off your face.

“What?”

“Do you actually love me?” Nikki repeated louder, looking up at you. “Do you really love me?”

You were caught off guard to say the least. That was not what you had been expecting Nikki to ask you. Did you love him? Of course you did, but why was he asking? Had he figured out that you were secretly harboring feelings for him, the boy you were supposed to be fake dating? Had he realized that your acting was getting to be too realistic, that you couldn’t possibly be faking this well?

“Why are you asking me that?” you said, avoiding answering his question.

“Just answer me,” Nikki said. His eyes searched yours for an answer.

You could feel your heart hammering away in your chest. Did he know? You were panicking, trying to think of something to say. Should you deny any feelings you had for him? It would be unprofessional to admit that somewhere along the line, you had begun to really love him.

“(Y/N),” Nikki said, realizing you weren’t going to answer him. “(Y/N), I don’t want to be your fake boyfriend anymore.”

You felt like he had punched you in the gut. All the air left you lungs. So, this was it. He had figured you out and was ending things. He didn’t want to see you anymore now that he knew.

“You- what?” you asked, unable to hide the disappointment in your voice. “Why?”

“I don’t want to be your fake boyfriend anymore because I want to be your real boyfriend (Y/N),” Nikki said. His eyes turned downcast, too nervous to look at you. “I don’t know when it happened (Y/N), but I’ve fallen for you. You’re just- you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re smart and witty and fun. You can make me laugh and get me out of a bad mood. You know how to party, but you also can just sit and have an honest conversation with me. I love you and I want this to be real, what’s going on between us.”

You were speechless yet again. You gazed at him in awe, shocked by what he had just admitted.

Nikki took your surprised silence as rejection and his shoulders sagged visibly.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked eventually, daring to look up at you now.

“I, uh- I mean, no. I’m just surprised is all,” you managed to spit out. “You really mean all that?”

Nikki merely nodded.

“Nikki, I- oh my god. I love you too,” you said, finally finding the words you wanted to say back to him.

Nikki looked skeptically hopeful.

“You do?” he asked hesitantly. “You really mean that?”

“Nikki,” you started, breaking out into a grin. “I have loved you for months now. I thought you could never feel the same, so I didn’t say anything. I thought you would hate me if I told you.”

“I could never hate you,” Nikki said, lips curling up to match yours. “God (Y/N), I really love you. Can I- will you- would you be alright if we started dating for real now?” he asked. “No more staged dates or kisses. Just you and me actually doing this.”

You nodded excitedly.

“Yes,” you agreed quickly. “Yes, I would like nothing better Nikki.”

Nikki let out a relieved laugh and quickly threw his arms around you in a tight embrace.

“Can I ask you one last thing?” he said, as you hugged him back.

“Of course,” you said, pulling back to look at him.

“Can I kiss you now? For real this time?”

[dukeofonions]

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show. 

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know. 

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we? 

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce. 

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series. 

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right? 

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode. 

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait. 

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon! 

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy. 

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one. 

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened? 

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand. 

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes. 

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides. 

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned. 

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot. 

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later. 

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing. 

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem. 

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner) 

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense? 

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First. 

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly. 

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts. 

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word. 

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video. 

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS? 

Virgil. 

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there? 

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

 Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When? 

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again? 

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them. 

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS. 

*whispers explain* 

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense… 

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress. 

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes. 

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

 Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident. 

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.” 

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be. 

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing. 

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower. 

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes. 

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to. 

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper* 

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened? 

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive? 

*whisper* 

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall? 

Okay, I guess that all makes sense… 

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas! 

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began. 

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to. 

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus. 

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense. 

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion. 

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place. 

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale. 

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series? 

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever. 

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much. 

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that? 

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series. 

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse. 

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing. 

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road. 

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides. 

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us. 

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

[joshstambourine]

Heartache Tonight

"Hii! I love your writing btw! I was wondering if your still doing the music imagines if you could do one with Sammy based on the song Heartache Tonight by The Eagles?" - @anniegurl66

Awe thank you much!!

Listening to this song again made me smile! I almost instantly knew where I was going to take this one shot! I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while so thank you for giving me an excuse.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of Alcohol

Word Count: 2701

Taglist: @anditsmywholeheart @babydxll

(Y/N) sat quietly in the corner of the bustling living room, there were so many people here. So many people were laughing and chatting loudly. (Y/N) could barely hear herself think, let alone try to have a conversation of any sort with anyone. For a while she had been chatting with her best friend Sam, he was the only reason she had even decided to show up at this party, but he had eventually gotten up and went off to play pool with some of the guys. 

Her eyes glancing at the glass in her fingers, there was only a swig left in it. She had sworn it to herself that she would leave once her drink was finished, not really seeing much point in staying; it was coming to that point in the night where people seemed to pair off and disappear into the night. (Y/N) tugged her phone out of her pocket to check the time 11:30 pm; Sam had been gone for a few hours now actually --- she didn’t realize just how much time had passed.

Little did (Y/N) know, Sam was in fact not playing pool. Or well he had played for a matter of five minutes before having his brothers tug him off to a quiet-ish corner of the room.

“So?” They were all too quick to inquire, “Did you ask her yet?”

Sam looked between the two of them with a rather confused glint in his eyes, “Whaaaat am I asking who?” He slowly responded with an innocent laugh, bringing his beer bottle to his lips.

Josh rolled his eyes, “(Y/N)! You told us that you were gonna talk to her and y’know--- ask her out?” He replied with a glass of whiskey in his hand. Josh wore a rather large grin; it was indescribable just how much he enjoyed sticking his nose into his brothers love lives --- really it came down to him wanting them to be happy but… it was also a shit tonne of fun to get them riled up over it.

Sam furrowed his brows, beginning to shake his head. “No idea what you’re talking about.” He simply responds.

Josh looked to Jake with a tired expression, they knew he was probably going to put it off. “C’mon man, it’s been what two years since you had started to like her?” Jake threw out with a tired sigh, stopping and glancing at a few people who had turned the corner to enter the room, not really wanting to just talk about it with random people present. Once they had dispersed a little he continued, “It’s about time that you just ask her. She may surprise you!”

Josh nodded quickly in agreement, “Yeah! And I mean, the way she looks at you… she’s totally into you, I wouldn’t be worried at all if I was you!” He tells Sam.

Sam still wore an uninterested expression, “No clue what you guys are going on about, I’m just here to have a good time and hang out with my friends!” He tells them, with a shrug.

Josh threw his head back dramatically, “Ugggggh… you’re my lamest brother.” He mutters to the air,

“At least say you like her and stop pretending that you have no idea what’s happening, that shit’s getting old.” Jake tells Sam calmly, taking a sip from his glass.

Sam’s eyes left his brothers, looking over the different people in the room. Sam just couldn’t figure it out, something had been holding him back but he couldn’t figure out what it was for the life of him. His lips parted letting out a small sigh, “Jeez, you guys are relentless about this.” Sam mumbles out.

“We wouldn’t have to be if you just got it over with.” Josh points out with an obnoxiously sarcastic tone as he looked at his drink.

Sam shook his head a little, “I’m just not there yet…” he admits, free hand beginning to fiddle with one of his braids. “What if she doesn’t like me that way…?” He continues.

Jake’s expression didn’t really change, but it showed in his eyes that he seemed to sympathize. “Then you know!” He tells him, “If you honestly like her, and are also as good of friends as you say you are, then you both should be able to rekindle the friendship otherwise.” 

Josh nods, “Annnnd I mean… what if she does?” He softly suggested with a warm look in his eyes.

Sam looked between his brothers with a new found nervousness; maybe he should. Jake was right, they were best friends, if she wasn’t interested then they should be able to recover from it without an issue. Sam’s head began to nod a bit, “You’re right. You guys are absolutely right!” He says with a touch of shake in his voice. Without another thought he reached out and tugged Josh’s glass of whiskey from him and tossed it back without the slightest look of being fazed.

“Hey!!” Josh exclaimed, “You can get your own, y’know!”

“You were just closer.” Sam says, handing the empty glass back, “I just--- I need a bit more courage first.” He admits to them, there was something about the tone… it made Jake nervous.

Jake raised a brow, “Alright… just remember, some courage is great---” he started, watching as Sam downed the rest of the beer in hand, “---too much is a little dangerous.” He continues slowly, pretty sure there wasn’t really any point in trying to convince him anymore. “I’m… gonna play some pool.” Jake finally says, beginning to start away; he had a feeling this wasn’t going to be the most clean confession but he also couldn’t necessarily stop it from happening.

(Y/N) had now gotten to her feet, her bag slung over her shoulder as she had begun looking around the room. At this point (Y/N) began searching for Sam, more or less hoping just to let him know that she was going to be leaving and to wish him a fun rest of his night. (Y/N) was getting a touch fed up, she had searched every room she could think of but still hadn’t seen him.

‘I guess I’ll just text him once I’m in the car.’ (Y/N) told herself as she wandered through the people to get herself back to the front door of the house. “Excuse me…” She muttered passing them by. Eventually she found herself by the front entrance which was surprisingly empty despite the sheer amount of people in the building, she had imagined that at least some of the overflow would have found themselves out here.

Before (Y/N) could take another step, she could hear her name being called from behind her. With a quick glance she was able to see Sam stumbling his way through the crowds of people, “(Y/N)!” He called again, “There you are!” Sam cheered with a wide smile, his cheeks dusted a rosy pink.

(Y/N) felt her brows furrow but she still smiled, “Yup I’m right---” before she could finish Sam had wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

“I missed you…!” He cooed, snuggling into her neck a touch.

(Y/N) let out a weak laugh as she came to be hugging him back, “Are you drunk…?” She lightly inquired, it wasn’t the first time she had seen Sam drunk but normally he was a little more on the ball at big parties like this.

Sam shook his head quickly, though his head was still in the crevice of her neck. “No!” He said, pulling back to hold her by her shoulders, “I just… I had to find my courage.” Sam admits to her, breath wreaking of liquor.

“Your… courage?” (Y/N) continued to smile, lightly placing her hand on Sam’s arms. “Maybe let's go find Josh or Jake okay? You can tell them all about your courage.” She hums in an affectionate way, moving to pull him along by his arm. (Y/N) really didn’t want to leave him alone and risk having him try to go home by himself.

“First!” Sam exclaimed, lightly startling (Y/N) as she looked back at him. She waited a moment, expecting him to say something.

“Firrrrst?” She says, drawing it out to hopefully jumpstart his brain a little.

“First.” Sam repeated as his hands moved to take hers, “Can I talk? Like… with you somewhere?” He asks her,

“Sam… are you sure that can’t wait until a time where you’re… a little more with it?” (Y/N) suggests with a warm look across her features.

Sam only shook his head as a reply, looking something like a child who didn’t want to eat their veggies with the way his braids swayed. (Y/N) let out a small sigh as she looked around, “Okay… um, where do you want to go?” She asks him, though she had barely gotten the words out before he began to pull her with him.

Despite being so clearly intoxicated, Sam had excellent balance. He walked in a straight line towards the door across from them, he pulled it open revealing an array of coats and shoes. Sam tugged (Y/N) to follow him in as he shut the door behind them.

All the while, (Y/N) has begun to grin from ear to ear, finding the whole situation hysterical to say the least. “Sam?” She lightly begins, in a hushed voice.

“Yes?”

“You realize this is a closet right?” (Y/N) mused, watching Sam as he rolled his eyes a little.

“Of course I---” Sam slowed a little, looking at the rack of coats he was pressed against “Oh, actually I didn’t realize that.” He mumbled slowly, beginning to laugh to himself. “Well shit…” He continued under his breath.

(Y/N) laughed along with him, though she soon was shaking her head a bit. “Ahhh, okay, well maybe we should try and find somewhere else then?” She suggests, having begun to realize just how close together they were, to the point that his every breath was brushing against her cheeks.

Sam still had one hand on hers, while his free one moved to fiddle with his braid. “Uh… this is fine I think.” He continues, his eyes seeming to dart away from hers for a moment. “Um…” He began, seeming to try and collect his thoughts. “(Y/N)?”

“That’s me.” She replied with a soft chuckle, still confused about what was happening.

Sam nodded, “...we’ve been friends for a long time right?” He continued cautiously. “Like… a million years or something.”

“I don't quite remember it being a million but---” (Y/N) continued with a snicker, watching as Sam’s eyes came to settle on hers. The gears were clearly turning his mind, a touch slower than they normally would be, but they were still turning all the same. After a moment or too, he let out a small huff. “Sam, let’s just go, you seem like you’re ready for a lay down.” She hummed, moving to pat his head.

Sam’s hand quickly took it into his own once again, the other gently pressing against her shoulder, he pressed his weight against her. Within an instant (Y/N) was pressed against the wall of the closet, Sam’s hand slipping up to cup her cheek. “Sam…?” She uttered out.

Sam quickly leaned closer, pressing his lips against hers in a gentle way, they were so soft. (Y/N)’s eyes widened, quickly trying to push him back. “Wh-what are you doing?!” She sputters out as soon as lips are free from his.

Sam seemed a little dazed at first, but soon enough he found his tongue, “I… I love you!” He tells her abruptly, beginning to smile in a warm way. “I… have for a long time.” He admits,

“Sam…” (Y/N) lightly let out, not getting a chance to utter another word.

“I just… everyone thinks we belong together.” Sam continued, not seeming to pick up on the cues that should have told him to stop. “We’re so alike and yet… you’re so much better than me in every single way. I know that I’m not good enough for you, I mean… I drank a shit tonne just to be able to walk up to you… but, (Y/N) you complete me. You make me so much better than I ever can be on my own and I just had to tell you.” He tells her in a quiet tone, hand moving from her cheek to lightly brush back her hair. “So… I love---”

“Sam---” (Y/N) repeated again, this time her voice was much more stern seeming to shake him a little. She reached up and began to take his hand from her hair, “I’m so sorry… but I… I don’t think of you in that way.” She admits to him, frowning as she watched his previously hopeful expression fall. “I mean… I did at one point but…” (Y/N) began to explain,

Her words made Sam’s eyes perk up, “Did I do something? I can fix it!”

“No, no, you didn’t do anything at all!” (Y/N) tells him, trying to reassure him. “...I was trying to tell you earlier but you seemed to be a little bit preoccupied… but I’m actually seeing someone now.” She continued slowly.

Sam’s eyes slowly widened, lips parting nervously. A weak sound came from his throat as he struggled to untangle his mess of thoughts. Eventually he began to let out what (Y/N) knew was a forced laugh, “I was kidding!” He suddenly says, hands pulling back from her and struggling to find the door handle, “The guys--- you know them, they dared me to do this stupid shit. I told them it was a bad idea a but---”

(Y/N) was unsure what to make of his sudden change, watching him fumble for the door handle. “Oh… uh I guess that’s… was the dare to kiss me or?” She slowly asked, clearly seeing through the lie but trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and save him the embarrassment. 

“All of it. Just--- ALL, you know the whole thing.” Sam quickly responds, finally finding the handle and opening the door for him to stumble out of the closet. “I’m so sorry, I would have fought them more if I--- I am just gonna go find those guys so I can yell at them okay?” He rambled, “Okay. Bye!” Sam exclaimed, rushing away from the closet.

Sam stumbled a little as he went, unsure where to go or what to do. He didn’t expect her to say no. That said though, he had steeled himself up for that answer. What was tearing him apart was the fact that she said she had liked him back at some point… but now it was too late. ‘They were right…’ Sam thought to himself as he walked towards the room with the pool table; his brothers were right. If he had said something earlier maybe this wouldn’t be the case.

When Sam stepped through the doorway of the room, Josh almost immediately looked to him with a small grin. “So?!” He quickly inquired, eager to hear about what had happened.

Sam’s lips pursed as he stepped forward with some urgency, his mind was such a mess. All he could think about was what Josh had said earlier, ‘What if she does?’ the words just kept racing through his thoughts. She had. She had and he missed it. Sam didn’t even realize what he was doing until he was doing it. He didn’t realize it until his fist had connected with Josh’s jaw. 

Sam’s eyes widened a little as he looked down at his brother on the floor holding his cheek in hand, everyone in the room looking at the two of them with the same amount of shock they were currently sharing. It was the first time it was quiet enough for Sam to actually hear the music,

Somebody is gonna hurt someone

Before the night is through

Somebody is gonna come undone

It's nothin' we can do

Everybody wants to touch somebody

If it takes all night

Everybody wants to take a little chance

Make it come out right

There’s gonna be a heartache tonight

//Thank you so much for this request! I remember reading a fic sorta like this before but I'm not sure for who--- anyways ever since I've been thinking about writing one in a similar vein!//

[songsformonkeys]

Digging Up Bones (whiskey x f!reader) - chapter 3

[Banner by the lovely @yespolkadotkitty ]

Summary: You work for the Statesmen as the head of their medical department. It’s your job to patch up anyone who gets back wounded and to work on ways to prevent them from getting badly wounded in the first place.

Agent Whiskey, in particular, seems to be more accident-prone than the rest and he never passes up a reason to come see you, whether for real injuries or imaginary ones. The two of you form a close friendship, which slowly turns into something more.

Then a British man with a headshot wound and a fascination with butterflies shows up in your emergency room and in the events that follow you’re forced to reevaluate just about everything you thought you knew about your partner.

Warnings: canon typical violence

Masterlist

Chapter 3

The following three days passed in a slow fashion. Not just because Whiskey was gone but the rest of the agents seemed to be staying out of harm's way as well. It was a bit boring, but that was something Tonic had taught you not to complain about out loud since it apparently made it sound like you longed for injuries and carnage.

On the bright side, the slow days gave you, Ginger, and Tonic time to begin interviewing the agents on base for their emergency folders for the Alpha-gel.

The three of you had realized that while the gel and the nanites healed the brain perfectly fine they still needed something to counter the retrograde amnesia, which seemed to be a standard side effect. The sample of agents that had needed to use the gel was still small and so you couldn't draw too many sure conclusions from it, but every single one of them so far had suffered memory loss. It had been Tonic's idea that reminders of a past trauma might jump-start the memory again. The results had been good but guessing and digging up past traumas had been painstakingly difficult and had taken up more time than ideal. So you had collectively decided that each agent should have a file or a folder containing their very worst memory and ways it could be triggered.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 On Wednesday evening, you curled up in your armchair and called Whiskey. He picked up after three rings.

“Moonshine, “ he drawled, voice sounding a little tired.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” you asked, suddenly feeling a little bad. It wasn't that late in the evening but maybe Whiskey had needed to tuck in early.

“No no, I was awake,” Whiskey assured you, “Just got home from a looong day at an art auction. I'm not sure if you've ever been but it is possibly the most boring thing I have ever done.”

“Yeah? What was so bad about it?” you asked, smiling to yourself. You would be caught dead before admitting it out loud but you had actually missed him these past few days.

Whiskey began describing his day. A soon as he began talking, his voice relaxed you. You pictured him walking around in a swanky hotel room, with a view of the big city, probably still wearing his hat. You were half convinced he even slept in that thing.

Whiskey told you about the auction and the few stuck-up people who had pretended not to understand his southern accent just to make him feel less than. Then he told you about the way he'd later wiped the smug smiles off their faces by actually bidding home the small painting they had been ogling.

“Champ might kill me for it, 'cause it cost a small fortune, but it was worth it!”

“What will you do with the painting?” you asked.

“Hm,” Whiskey said and you didn't need to see him to know that he was shrugging, “Dunno. Might hang it in my apartment. It's a beautiful painting, reminded me of someone special... Speaking of my apartment, have you finished the cake yet?”

You nodded, before remembering that he couldn't see you.

“Yes, Ginger and Tonic helped me eat the rest of it.”

You had been over to Whiskey's apartment the day after he'd left. When you'd gotten to work, his key had been in a white envelope on your desk and you hadn't been able to keep your curiosity at bay for longer than a workday.

The apartment hadn't been quite what you thought Whiskey's home would look like. It had been much neater and cleaner than you had expected, for starters. You had expected more of a bachelor pad but Whiskey's apartment was quite nice. It looked lived in but not messy. Each thing seemed to have its own designated spot. As you had walked around the living room towards the kitchen you had taken in the big, comfortable-looking couch and multi-colored knitted blanket that looked like it was homemade.

There had been a couple of books on art history resting on the wooden coffee table. You had stopped, slightly in awe, in front of the big bookshelves that covered a whole wall of the room. You'd never pictured Whiskey to be the reading type, but here was clear proof otherwise. You had scanned the titles of the books and the exceptionally wide array of subjects made you suspect that a lot of these had been read for previous missions. But there had been a whole shelf of fiction too and you smiled a little as you noted that a lot of them seemed to be old western classics.

You had found the cake in the fridge in the equally clean kitchen. The cake had been in a plastic container and Whiskey had stuck a post-it note with a smiley on the lid.

“I liked your bookshelf. And I borrowed a book from you,“ you confessed over the phone and Whiskey chuckled in response.

“Is that so? Which one, if I may ask, was it that caught your fancy?”

“Lonesome Dove.”

“Ah, a classic! Didn't have you pegged as a western girl, Moonshine.”

“I'm not sure if I am, I've never read any. But you had a lot of them and I thought...” You cut yourself off, glancing over at the book on your bed, “You had a book on human anatomy as well that looked interesting and one on make-shift medical treatment when you don't have access to a hospital. I didn't take those, though. It felt wrong to take so many books without asking...”

Whiskey chuckled again and the sound did weird things to your insides, or maybe it was the nerves of having just admitted to raiding his bookshelf.

“Darlin', if it makes you happy, you are more than welcome to help yourself to any book in that apartment”

“Really? But what if it's a book that you suddenly need?”

“Then I'll know perfectly well where to find it.”

You couldn't really argue with that logic, didn't really want to either because the prospect of getting to read all those books almost made you giddy.

“So besides ogling my books, what else have you been up to while I've been gone?” Whiskey asked and you proceeded to tell him about the work with the Trauma Folders, which Tonic so affectionately called them.

“You still haven't submitted yours either, by the way,” you told him. Whiskey didn't immediately answer. The line was dead silent for a few seconds and just when you were about to ask if he was still there, he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, I know. I promise to get right on that as soon as I'm back, okay?” He sounded a little odd and your brow furrowed slightly. Whiskey cleared his throat again.

“Look, darlin', I'm pretty dead on my feet right now and as lovely as your voice is to listen to, I think unfortunately we gotta hang up before I start snoring on you.”

“Oh, of course! Sorry, I've talked too much.”

“Hardly,” Whiskey replied and his voice was warm and soft again, which eased the nervous knots that had begun forming in your stomach at his abrupt attempt to end the call. Usually, that was your role to try and say goodnight and his to try and linger. “I cherish every word, which is why I prefer to be awake for them. Call me tomorrow again?”

“Sure. Good night, Whiskey.”

“Good night, darlin'”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 If the previous days had been slow, the following day was anything but, at least when the afternoon rolled around.

Ginger had called you about some very strange low-frequency readings coming from a church nearby in Kentucky. She told you that she and Tequila were gonna go check it out but that you should be on standby, just in case.

You told her to be careful. Ginger was excellent at her job but she was also one of your closest friends and you couldn't help but worry.

After you'd ended the call, you immediately set about preparing the emergency room and double-checking to make sure everything was there. Seeing as neither of you knew what the strange readings had been about, it was difficult to prepare for every possible scenario, and while you knew that the health effects of exposure to extremely low frequencies were being discussed in the medical community, no one knew exactly what the effects were.

It seemed like a lifetime had passed before Ginder called you again. You heard the sound of the helicopter in the background. She told you that they'd be there in thirty and that they were bringing someone in with a headshot.

“I'll get the chamber ready for him!” you told her

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Thirty minutes later, on the dot, you watched as the helicopter landed and Tequila emerged, carrying a man in a suit. The man's face was obscured by the balloon containing the Alpha-gel but his clothes looked expensive.

“Entry point?” you yelled, over the sound of the helicopter as you waved for Tequila and Ginger to hurry inside.

“Straight through the left eye,” Ginger replied and you winced. The left temporal lobe would be damaged, for sure, maybe part of the occipital one too. You were confident that the nanites would be able to rebuild the brain matter but with the temporal lobe damaged you worried that the memory loss might be even more extensive than what you'd seen before and you wondered if it would affect his speech.

“Exit point or is the bullet still in there?” you asked.

“The bullet went all the way through as far as I could tell. Not sure what he was shot with though so we'll have to scan to make sure there's nothing left in there.”

Said and done. When you got down to the medical rooms you first put the man through a thorough scan of his skull. Just like Ginger suspected, the bullet had gone straight through and it luckily hadn't left anything but damaged tissue in its wake. Tequila helped move him over to the nanite chamber. Carefully, you removed the Alpha-gel balloon and quickly closed the chamber around his head.

“What happened?” you asked as you sat down in front of the computer and began tapping away at the keyboard, starting the machine and readying it for the healing and rebuilding process.

“We have no idea,” Ginger said. “We found him like this outside the church, no sign of who had shot him. Inside the church, however...”

“What?” you asked.

“Inside was a total fuckin' bloodbath,” Tequila supplied, “Whole congregation just...slaughtered.”

You looked over at the strange man.

“You think he did it?”

Both Ginger and Tequila shrugged.

“We don't know. But he's got blood on him that isn't his own and there was no gun in his hand so he clearly didn't shoot himself, which means someone got away from that Church alive.” Ginger reasoned, “And there's one more thing..”

She pulled a pair of glasses from the pocket of her jacket. The left glass was shattered.

“He was wearing these. These aren't normal glasses, which means he's not a civilian. And his watch... he's some sort of intelligence. I'll dig around and see if I can find out whom he belongs to.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 You called Whiskey again that evening. He sounded more awake today but you could practically hear the frown on his face when you told him about your strange new guest. He was not happy.

“He's an agent?” he asked.

“We think so. Ginger is running some tests on his glasses and his watch to see what we can figure out but so far we have no idea whom he's working for. So we just have to wait for him to wake up and see how much he remembers.”

“I don't like this,” Whiskey stated. “Not one bit. If he's intelligence, he's dangerous, Moonshine. You shouldn't be alone with him, not under any circumstances!”

“I won't,” you reassured him while rolling your eyes. “Agent Tequila also has an over-protective streak and has, therefore, put himself on guard duty until further notice. I've had him looking over my shoulder all evening.”

You had found it somewhat annoying but Whiskey had instantly calmed down upon hearing that bit of information. He told you to promise to listen to Tequila on this, which you reluctantly did. You didn't tell Whiskey that if the arrangement continued, you would have to come to some sort of agreement with Tequila on how close was close enough for protection. You couldn't have him reading over your shoulder all day long or you'd go stir crazy.

Whiskey continued to ask you a bunch of questions about the strange man and you couldn't answer a single one. He asked you about the signal too and you couldn't give him any answers to that either. It was all Ginger's area of expertise and you told him as much.

“Sorry, darlin', just wanna make sure my favorite girl is safe until I get back.”

Whiskey's words made you smile stupidly, despite the slightly patronizing undertone of them. You would like to think you knew how to take care of yourself, especially around your patients. But you did enjoy it when Whiskey called you his favorite. No one else had called you their favorite before.

After a few more minutes of chit-chat, you both said good night.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 The next day, your patient woke up.

It had been decided the day before that Tonic and Tequila would be the first ones to greet him. Tequila because of the whole bodyguard business and Tonic because he was by far the one who had the most experience with calming people in shock and panic. You had only sulked a little when you'd sat down the desk on the other side of the one-way mirror showing you the stranger's cell. You turned on the cameras in the other room to record the interaction before leaning forward over the desk to watch.

As anticipated, the man was more than a little freaked out by waking up in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces around him.

“Where am I? Who are you?” he immediately asked and you raised your eyebrows as you noted his British accent. The stranger tried to scramble off the bed where he'd been lying. Tequila took a step forward but Tonic quickly held up a hand to stop him.

“You are in a hospital,” Tonic told the frightened man and gave him a calm smile, “My name is To...Tom.”

“A hospital? What happened?” the stranger asked.

“We were hoping you would be able to tell us. You were in some sort of accident and when we found you, you were unconscious.”

Unconscious... that was definitely an understatement to describing having had one's brains blown out through the back of their head.

“Do you remember anything of what happened?” Tonic continued.

The British man looked around the room with wild eyes but he was already calming down a bit. While you were a bit jealous that Tonic, or Tom apparently, was the first one to get to talk to your new patient you had to admit that it was a privilege to get to watch him work. Tonic continued talking to the man and answering his questions by saying just enough to calm him but not enough to confuse him.

You found out that his name was Harry, but he couldn't remember his last name. He was from England and he thought he was 23 years old, which he most definitely was not. You caught Tonic and Tequila exchange a look as Harry told them his age. If Harry couldn't remember anything beyond his 23rd year then you estimated that he had forgotten more than half of his life. And since he wasn't one of your agents, you had no idea how to bring those memories back again...

Tonic and Harry spoke for a while longer and Tonic told him about his injuries. He also told harry about the memory loss. Harry didn't believe him until Tonic guided him over to the one-way mirror separating you from them and let Harry have a look at himself. You stood on the other side of the mirror and could watch as realization dawned on Harry. His breathing immediately sped up again and he was beginning to panic.

“Harry,” Tonic said calmly, “Harry, I'm gonna need you to breathe slower with me, okay? We've seen this kind of memory loss before and we will do our very best to help you recover the memories you can't remember right now”

“Think of it as one hell of a hangover,” Tequila supplied and Harry gave him an incredulous look.

“Hangover?” he asked in a weak voice “I look old enough to be a grandfather and I don't remember any of it... I don't think anyone has ever been drunk enough for that kind of hangover.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Tonic and Tequila handled the whole ordeal in a way that made you proud to call yourself their colleague and they stayed with Harry for most of the day, talking and explaining. Harry listened patiently and you had to give him credit for taking the situation a whole lot better than some of the Statesmen who had gone through the same thing. He was scared and worried, sure, but he managed to keep his panic in check and asked Tonic a whole bunch of relevant questions.

You wished you could have stayed and watched all afternoon but eventually you had to go back to your own office and begin typing up your report.

You had barely gotten two paragraphs in when your phone started ringing.

“Moonshine?” Whiskey said as soon as you picked up and you could immediately tell that something was wrong. He sounded scared. There were car horns blaring and loud crashes in the background.

“Yes. Whiskey what's...”

Whiskey cut you off before you could finish your question.

“Where are you?” he asked and when it took you a fraction of a second too long to answer, he repeated the question, “Moonshine! Where are you?”

“I'm in the office. Whiskey what's wrong?”

“Good! Whatever you do, stay where you are! There's something in the air! People are killing each other!”

“What?” Before you could say anything further, your door burst open and you screamed from surprise.

“Moonshine!” Whiskey yelled, panicked, as Ginger stormed into the office and pushed you out of her way to get to the computer. She began tapping on the keyboard and you watched as she pulled up live feeds from several cameras around the country. Your mouth fell open as you watched the chaos that filled the screen.

“MOONSHINE!” Whiskey yelled again and you realized you hadn't answered him.

“I'm fine!” you quickly assured him and you heard him exhale loudly. “Ginger just showed up. What the hell is going on?” The last question was aimed at them both. The quality of the feeds wasn't the best but there was no mistaking what was going on. All over the country, people were killing each other.

“The fuck if I know,” Whiskey said at the same time as Ginger supplied the slightly more helpful “It's the same signal! It's the same low frequency as we picked up from the church. But this is all over...well the world”

She turned and looked at the phone in your hand.

“Is that agent Whiskey?”

You nodded but then froze as you heard a banging noise on the other end of the line, which sounded much closer than the previous ones. You heard Whiskey curse.

“Whiskey?”

There was another crash and he cursed again.

“I'm sorry, darlin', I seem to have a visitor. I gotta go.”

“Whiskey,” you begged and you heard your own voice break as you spoke his name.

“Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll deal with this and then I promise I'll come right home to you. You just promise to stay inside and stay safe, okay?”

What about you? you wanted to ask, but Whiskey had already hung up.

“He'll be fine,” said Ginger, who must have seen the expression change on your face. You nodded. She was right. Whiskey was an excellent agent. He would be fine.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 He would be fine. You managed to convince yourself of that up until about an hour later when the office phone called. You were too busy clutching your own phone, waiting for Whiskey to call back, to pay any attention to the other phone so Ginger picked it up and answered. She exchanged a few cryptic comments with the person on the other line before ending the call by saying:

“We'll be ready for him.”

After she'd hung up the phone she turned towards you.

“Whiskey's on his way back. He's been stabbed but according to the pilot, he's stable. They're flying him back now. “

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[meltalks]

my experience with addy / hiqey

i’ve contemplated posting my history with addy/hiqey for awhile now. my friends have encouraged me to do so, but due to her stance in the rpc i was always far too scared to do so. with all that is coming to light with her recently, not only is a huge weight off my shoulders as far as comfortably roleplaying as my escape, but knowing i’m not alone. my story with addy dates back to about september 2018. i do warn you this will be long, and i’ll try to include enough details to make it make sense while not dragging things on and on. this includes both my personal relationship with addy, as well as my experience with her in groups one where she she was an admin, and groups where i was an admin. as well as i believe we coadmined one together. i’ve put screenshots where i could, but some of this dates back to 2018 and i just don’t have access to those texts/rp accounts anymore.

a huge huge shout out to @bumkeyz for starting this avalanche, and for also supporting me one on one along with all my friends to feel safe enough to come forward. i’ll put all of my story under a read more. 

i’m going to start this by saying, my name is mel/melanie. you may have heard of me because back when addy was on rpslayed she wasn’t a big fan of me for awhile. predominantly my group the cape(?) the main isn’t up anymore so i can’t remember the exact @. i’m 21 years old, i will be 22 this month. i am married & i have a 3 year old daughter. this is information i don’t normally tell people i’m married / have a child, because well, i just feel a little judged. not because anything anyone has specifically done or said, but my own anxieties worried that people will think it’s weird to be married with a child and still in twitter rp. but it is important to my story with addy, which is why i’m letting everyone know right off the bat. 

i met addy in a group called producers. this group is from september 2018, so i’m not able to access anything right now, but am digging. i played (feel free to clown me) a g-eazy character named pierce. addy played a carlson young who’s name i can’t quite recall, and a gracie abrams named lolly. lolly & pierce became friends first & at some point we exchanged phone numbers. lolly & pierce flirted a lot, pierce was a player yada yada. eventually she ended up getting a different ship on lolly & pushed her carlson young onto pierce. pierce had a different love interest & didn’t end up going for her. this should’ve been the first negative sign/red flag. when pierce didn’t get with her character, she got very short & snarky ic and ooc. i believe both of her characters blocked me ic. even though pierce had made no ic promises to either to not be with someone else. we still maintained some level of friendship, but she was extremely weird about when i mentioned my ship. our friendship ended for a few months because of an incident that started ic between me and another character. the mun who played this character and i had bonded ooc over having been pregnant, we talked somewhat often about her dealings with her pregnancy. so i felt close enough/friendly enough with this mun that when something happened with her character & another character ic i dm’ed her to see if she was ok .long story short it went bad. i texted addy and told her that. i explained that i felt as if this mun & i were close and it was like dm’ing a friend. she held onto the fact that i shouldn’t have messaged her. when i didn’t immediately conform to her thought she kicked me out of the group. i was literally devastated. i loved that group, that character, my ship; all of it. she blocked me. though this story is 2 paragraphs long, it’s minor in the grand scheme of things. after this she smeared me on rpslayed for months until our paths crossed again in a group called glitches/glitch? we decided to squash our beef. this was december 2019.

in december 2019 we became friends again. honestly, i wish we never crossed paths. we got very close right away. she started telling me about a bad friendship she had, with someone we mutually knew from producers who i will not name since it’s not my place to put their name in this, and gained my sympathy. so much so that i ended a friendship with that person based solely on accusations that addy had told me. this is something that i can now realize i did wrong. i literally cussed this person out on the phone, solely based off things addy told me. i didn’t listen to someone who had been my friend for months, who defended me and picked me up when addy was tearing me down on rpslayed. i turned my back because addy convinced me to. she made this person seem awful. and again, i’m not naming them, but they know exactly who they are. and when thy do read this, i’m sorry.

now this is where things get out of hand. addy & i begun an intimate relationship. this is very personal, and i know some may pass judgment. but my husband was cool with it. addy also began talking to my husband, they texted. we had a groupchat. not to get into details about the relationship, but it was romantic. i am going to try and organize my thoughts. into themes.

money

this relationship lasted from about january ish to april romantically. i became addy’s crutch. she began going through personal issues with her family. and i started sending her money. to be frank i don’t remember how it started. i helped her with a job search, supporting her through these tough things that were going on. the money started casually i suppose. it was $10 for lunch. $25 for nails. but then it got worse. i bought her a phone. and slowly she grew more entitled to my money. asking for it. demanding it. guilting me when i didn’t give it. i lied to her and told her i lost my credit card and turned it off, but the guilt i had i told her that i could turn it on when she needed it. in screenshots i will post below she guilted me because i was sick and fell asleep before turning my card on. whether what she’s saying occured is true or not, it was just one example of how she made me feel. at one point she had my credit card on her uber, and charged nearly $400 of ubers on my credit card that i didn’t know about. she claimed it was an accident, because i let her put my card on her account under the agreement that she would turn it off. we had an agreement of what she would pay me back, some things that i got her were gifts and i didn’t want/need back. other things it was always an agreement she would pay me back. however whenever i would mention sending me a payment she had an excuse. one time even guilting me by reminding me how much better i have it than she does. all in all i spent / sent upwards of $2500/$3000 on her. only about $1500/$1800 i wanted back. i never saw a dime back, she never made good on her promises. at some point i gave up on asking.

ETA: as far as the uber situation goes, she did apologize and state that it was never on purpose when i found out that there was nearly $500 in charges. she said she thought she was charging her moms card. this shows a photo of 1 page of a 5 page statement of all the transactions put on my card by her in one month. there are only 6 of these transactions that were me. all of the ubers and venmo were her. i didn’t make her take off my card, which in hindsight was obviously a very bad decision. i just didn’t want to leave her stranded without ways to get home/where she needed to be. 

this is her demanding money. this was in the summer. at this point i was so manipulated by her/scared of her/scared of losing her that i didn’t know how to say no. in this instance i deflected with a picture of my child. screen shot.

in the screenshots here, this is where i fell asleep. i was on vacation and got extremely dehydrated in the sun. i literally felt so sick and she made me feel guilty for falling asleep. X X X 

this screenshot shows one of the times i actually asked her when she would repay me. at this point my credit card was nearly maxed out from ubers and sending her money. i was anxious about it and she made me feel bad for asking because her situation was worse than mine. this was the same day she asked me for $250 for a down payment on her car. X asking for money. X making me feel bad for asking when she’s gonna pay.

literally to this day im still in credit card debt because of this. yes i make good money, yes my husband does too. but credit card debt is hard and everyone knows it. i do fine for myself, but i don’t have hundreds extra to pay this down. 

also, i cannot locate the bank screenshot. but as recent as this february, six months since she spoke to me, she still had my card on her uber and usted it again. i can’t find the screenshot of the actual of the bank transaction because i’ve completely had to close that account for fraud and transfer my balance to a new card. but here is a screenshot from february 12 where i tell my friends i caught her doing it. X .

manipulation in groups/related to groups

orbis. i ran a group called orbis, it was a reality show group. addy was one of my friends who really wanted me to open it. all of my groups i’ve adminned i’m the lead. i just always take on that roll so i do get very busy with them on top of my real life. i work full time and i’m a mom so i spread myself thin.she made me feel really guilty for this, saying i wasn’t giving her enough time, she wasn’t anyones dog. so i posted my unfollow. then she told me i was stupid for doing that. so i deleted my unfollow. then she said that me deleting my unfollow showed that i didn’t really care how she felt. screens. X X

lumeer. very similar situation to above. only this time i left the group completely for about 3 weeks. i called my coadmin crying about what she was doing to me, sent her the psds and templates for grpahics and left fully, though i helped them out if issues arose/they needed anything. 

impulse. this was recently and this got brought to the tags. im going to copy & paste what i sent to bumkeyz as far as the story goes for what happened.

“ what happened in impulse is only one of several examples of addy being awful in groups i've adminned. this goes back to our friendship but specifically here's what happened in impulse. addy played a character named briar, the other characters involved were as mentioned in other posts loki & khalil (fai fc). one of he first days of the group khalil hooked up with both loki & briar. when the "updates" account posted about loki & khalil's hook up (we posted any and all plot drops that were sent in, it was a reality show so we consistently updated what the cameras caught), briar got upset on main. addy then messaged khalil's mun ooc and asked for the plot to be erased. essentially because she didn't like that khalil had hooked up with both her and another girl in the same day/same manor. as odd of a request as i was the khalil mun agreed to wipe it & asked that if there was anything that ever came up again that made addy uncomfortable to please not hesitate to dm. addy then softblocked khalil. which is strange. why soft block with briar's reason to dislike khalil has been wiped? that night addy posted on her personal tumblr hiqey "i forgot all fai khadra fcs are weirdos" or soemthing along that line. the khalil mun reasonably got uncomfortable with that, but was softblocked & didn't tell the main. they just ignored it since their characters weren't interacting now. for the next few days addy continued to shade khalil and loki on main, despite any ic reason for disliking them being wiped. loki then approached briar IN CHARACTER asking what was wrong/why she was shading/why they didn't like her. i don't know all the details of that conversation, but i know it ended with loki saying she was going to block briar & briar saying that was fine. bear in mind the admins had no idea any of this was happening at this point. addy then dmed the main, playing victim. after more shading of khalil, khalil's mun decided to block briar as well. addy despite wiping this plot and having 0 ic communication with khalil continued to shade the characters ic. so addy dmed the main playing innocent. asking for us to have them unblock, saying she had no idea why they blocked or what she did. as admins we had no idea why either, figured it was something ic so we dmed both muns. khalil's mun agreed after some hestiation, and asked if they had to follow her and i said no. they didn't elaborate. loki's mun however refused, & i'm glad she did because she told us what was going on. of course once we were told everyting we didn't make her unblock. up until we told addy that we were not going to make those muns unblock her, she was extremely sweet to us. she praised us on her rpt. said she loved the group. fed the main compliments. but when she didn't get her way out of us, and was essentially told on, she started causing issues on the timeline with different characters. she sent us a dm on the main telling us to "learn how to handle your group melanie" and deactivated before i could get a chance to reply. “

what i didn’t tell bumkeyz is that deejay/rpslayed played khalil. another example of addy’s manipulation is that when she saw deejay getting anons she followed deejay and texted her after several months of no communication, starting to tell her side of the story and play innocent -- not knowing that deejay was the person who was behind khalil the entire time. she made khalil out to be the bad guy, not knowing that it was deejay. after finding out deejay and i were friends, when deejay posted on rpslayed for people to follow me shortly after trying to get deejay on her side, addy blocked us both (again). 

manipulation between friends (?)

i don’t really know a great way to title this, but this is similar to the situation i mentioned with the unnamed person above -- how addy made me think that person was the worst so i would stop being friends with them. this is a few more examples of that.

the entire time i was friends with addy, she told me that deejay hated me. she told me that deejay was convinced that i was this person who tried to get her kicked out of a group. she told me that she did her very best to convince deejay that it wasn’t true, but no matter what she did deejay just hated me. nearly a year later deejay and i cross paths in a group. we started talking ooc and i mentioned this. i asked her why she thought that was me. we found out that basically, while addy was telling me she was trying to convince deejay it wasn’t me, she was telling deejay that it was me. she would also tell me personal information about deejay that i had no business knowing, whether it be real life information or just telling me the groups deejay adminned when she knew deejay didn’t want anyone knowing. 

i have found out recently that addy has recently been telling people a lie about when she came to visit me. on one evening when she visited me in june of 2019, we went to my friend’s house. we both drank, and smoked. i am someone who neither drinks nor smokes, and i got a very bad mix from it. my anxiety sky rocketed. i was crying on my friends couch practically paralyzed. i didn’t want to move. i felt sick. i felt scared. my friends were going to drive us back to my house and shortly before we were about to walk out addy said she needed to go to the hospital. my friend’s boyfriend drove her there, and when he came back they took me home. this night is very blurry for me. i remember barely being able to see straight, my friend helped me walk to and from the car. addy has told her friends that i refused to pick her up from the hospital that night, and i’ve now heard this from two of her close friends. when in reality, i was so far gone that not only was i sick and scared, but i couldn’t see straight. i had absolutely no ability to be behind a wheel. i’m not surprised she twisted this against me.

i provided a few people screenshots where addy was telling me to block them/trying to convince me that they were awful and hurting me. at the same time that addy was telling me this, she was doing the opposite to them -- to keep us apart. i believe this is some sort of power. always wanting to be everyones number one.

i don’t have a lot of screenshots for this, so i won’t go into much detail, but i can say on more than one occasion, or more than five or ten she told me who to and not to be friends with. told me to block people who had been our friends who were no longer friends with her. 

flat out manipulation.

i don’t want to go back through my texts too much honestly. it’s still a sore spot. it still sucks and it still hurts. but i think anyone and everyone involved with addy at some point or another has similar stories about the way she treats her friends. there were points where i begged. begged and begged her not to leave me. i can’t even count how many times she blocked and unblocked me. how many times she made me feel the worst and then came back. she came back because she knw i was there. and that my generosity was practically endless. i couldn’t say no to her, frankly i can’t say no to anyone. if anyone dmed me today and said hey i need $15 for a ride home. i’d probably send it. that’s just how i am. addy completely had me wrapped around her finger. to the point that i left friends who were good to me. i left my own groups i worked hard on. i nearly ended my engagement (which cannot be entirely blamed on her, but the relationship she and i had was built off lots of manipulation). i know that i could go find 100 screenshots and texts of her manipulating me but honest i just don’t want to do that to myself again. she has made me out to be the villain to anyone she can. i have had 2 different people tell me that she told them i say the n word, which is the furthest thing from the truth. i fear the things she’s said about me to people. if she can 100% make something up, what can she twist from actual arguments or issues we had? 

i know this sounds like a lot of rambling for nothing. but for nearly two years i’ve lived in fear in the rpc of addy. less so when we were friends. i’ve feared telling my side because i felt invalid. frankly even as i type this im scared. scared she’s already convinced everyone i’m awful and no one will read this or care. i just am thankful that this finally came to light. i am glad that i won’t feel scared anymore. roleplay is my one place to be free. as a mother, a full time worker, i don’t have a lot of time for hobby’s and frankly i don’t have a lot of them. i don’t draw, or read. i like to write. and i’m just thankful this can finally be lifted off me.

[creamypudding]

Woeful WIP Wednesday

Hi! This is the start of my Woeful WIP Wednesday series of posts which will happen on Wednesdays, duh. And before anyone gets up at me about it not being Wednesday yet... just remember time zones exist in this world, and yeah, it is actually Wednesday.

Other things about the name... Most of these WIPs I'm happy with so it's not the actual stories that are woeful. It's the fact that they are still WIPs and not finished that is woeful to me, hence the name, yeah? Ok 😄

So with that out of the way...

I've gone through all my folders and found the various bits and pieces of writing I've begun and let slide or abandoned. My hope is that by letting them be free on Tumblr I might either A) remember that these stories exist, B) perhaps get a renewed appreciation and motivation to poke them, C) give myself permission to never look at them again.

Some of these WIPs I 100% mean to finish one day. Some I know I won't. Some I have actually finished but haven't polished completely or something's getting in the way of me doing a final pass so I don't consider them worthy of going onto my Ao3 account just yet but hopefully will one day.

The WIPs I'm gonna upload are also of various lengths. I have some completed chapters that are thousands of words long, I have some that are mere hundreds of words long and are slips of ideas I started to formulate.

I have 10 AkuRoku WIPs and 6 Zakkura ones. Each week I'll post one WIP and the pattern will be 2 AkuRoku WIPs followed by 1 Zakkura to mix things up a bit. I'll blab a bit about the WIP and post the full WIP under the cut.

If there is anything in particular people would like to know about the stories or the creative process in future posts please let me know and I’ll incorporate more information if people are interested in that sort of thing. If you give me direction I can follow through.

I hope you will enjoy these WIPs and I trust you'll judge them way less harshly than what I judge my own writing.

So anyway, kicking things off I have a very short and sweet AkuRoku WIP. 

I started this in May 2019 and it's technically 'done' but I haven't posted it because it's not done to my specific level of 'done-ness'. All it needs is a little polish. A little editing here and there. Fixing the grammatical and spelling errors, and fleshing it out in a few spots perhaps.

It's the 'fleshing out' bit that hasn't happened and that's truly stopping me from considering this a finished product.

This story is called ‘10 ways to fall in love’ but I never came up with 10 scenarios which I suspect is why this story will never be finished. I could change the name of it and if I ever post it I will change the name of it. In fact, most of the WIPs I post would have different names if they ever do go up on Ao3.

But going back to this specific WIP— it is a canon story spanning Days, KH2, KH3, and after, which is maybe the biggest culprit in regards to why I never finished this story. I don’t do well with canon-based story telling. It’s too much pressure to get everything canon-compliant. Do people ask for things to be right? Probably not so much, but my brain is very hyperfocused on getting things right, which is a huge road block to my creativity and the reason why I prefer AUs.

I don't have much else to say about this story but if you enjoy this, or any of the other WIP’s it would be great if you would let me know.

If others are passionate about these stories it might make me passionate about them again. But who knows.

Rated G

Word count - 951

10 ways to fall in love

What do you call it?

This feeling I have?

Love?

No. Too strong, or not strong enough

A name

A special name

Your name

It was always your name

That made me feel like I had a heart

They didn’t have a name for it. They didn’t even know if what they felt was real because how could a Nobody feel anything. For Axel it was just a ghost of a memory of his old life. For Roxas it was an endless source of confusion because these strange sensations fluttered in his body all the time when he was around Axel. It was incredibly dull at first but grew exponentially bigger with the passing days.

He couldn’t reconcile that even the most tedious missions were made fun when they were around each other - though he shouldn’t be able to have fun without a heart. What were any of the experiences that ever happened between them, without a heart? They felt nothing. They were Nobodies. They couldn't be anything other than empty husks.

That had always been the greatest lie which had been told to them, which they chose to believe, until it became impossible, though the denial sat rife in the way they denied their joy, sadness, and anger. But the strongest denial flowed from the warmth and nameless affections that fluttered in the chest and stomach when they were together. Such a thing was most unbelievable of all and merely a figment of the imagination - a vestige of when they were Somebodies, a quiet echo in a vast nothingness of their actual existence. Even for Roxas, with his half-formed ideas of his Somebodies life.

But none of these things mattered because Roxas disappeared and Axel died.

"He made me feel like I had a heart." A quiet whisper of a thought, made real and said aloud finally crumbled the paper-thin veneer which Axel had clung too, all too late to do anything about.

And he is reborn, and now knows better. Lea knows better. He understands his returned heart which aches and bleeds broken and shattered even as it is physically whole inside himself, pumping blood. His soul has gone, reappearing for fleeting moments when he sees Sora get a certain look in his eyes, or uses a turn of phrase. A spark exists and it jolts Lea every time closer to awareness - closer to a name.

And then he is in that most miserable of places, fighting a war that might never be won, but he must try because the promise of what lies ahead if he does win is worth every risk. He fights for his friends, present and gone, and then out of almost nowhere Lea's heart is returned and whole and stronger than ever before, and his memories are back, and he holds the two people most dear to him. He cannot lose them again and does everything in his power to protect them both, and it is a safe feeling because it stops him from thinking too hard or feeling too strongly the flutters and warmth, and the soothing in his heart.

But he feels it all again, and let's himself be overcome by it as the never-setting sun of Twilight Town is observed with his most favorite people in the whole wide world sitting next to him.

He scooches a little closer, seeking the warmth and reassurance of Roxas next to him. The tinkling laugh builds his own and drips deep down into his body and soul to become the best sound he's always known to miss.

Happiness engulfs him. But it is not the word he looks for when he sees Roxas walking, talking, laughing, grumbling, and eating ice cream. It is so much bigger and all-encompassing than this miniscule word for a feeling..

"I never stopped wanting you back. I never stopped fighting to get you back," he confesses in the evening on Destiny Island, during a rare moment alone on this summer vacation full of reunions and happy tidings.

"I know. I saw, I heard."

"You did?"

Roxas nods and swings his legs as they dangle off the pier the both of them at sitting on.

It warms Lea’s heart to know Roxas was never far away. “I think I felt you – there in Sora. When he got angry and frustrated.”

Roxas laughs. “I was always angry and frustrated in Sora. Everything felt so warm and fluffy inside of there.”

“Realy? Why would that make you angry?”

“Because it’s like eating nothing but honey – you get sick of it,” Roxas shakes his head, “But it’s worse because someone else is force-feeding it to you.”

"It's ok. Just seeing you – knowing you were there wanting to get me back was enough." Roxas leans, Lea receives and the feels which are always right there, in the middle of his chest ignite and burn so bright.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you."

Lea hugs him tight, almost too tight. Roxas writhes against his arms and just as Lea makes to let go Roxas gets his own arms around Lea and squeezed him, robbing him of his breath for a few seconds, but Lea feels he could happily die in Roxas' arms and savors the crush.

They both end up laughing against each other, inhaling deep breaths, rubbing their cheeks against each other and leaning their foreheads together.

Everything they ever felt for each other is still there, but stronger, because they have hearts and acceptance of their reality.

"Axel," Roxas' breath tickles Lea's lips. He doesn't care to correct Roxas. Roxas could call him a heartless and he wouldn't care because Roxas is back and with him.

"I don't want you to ever disappear again," Lea murmurs.

"I don't want you to ever suffer again," Roxas apologizes. 

Lea cups Roxas' cheek, which is so soft and warm. "I never will as long as you're with me."

[impassiveesper]

[ On auras, and spirits, the ways in which espers see/interact with the world, and a much babier Shigeo ]

Shigeo awakened as an esper at an extremely young age and so he had an awareness of auras and spirits long before he was able to use his powers reliably.  It’s possible he could even see them before he had begun to manipulate the material world in ways his parents would notice. In other words he was sayin’ weird shit before anybody clocked him as a psychic.

As a very young child Shigeo had a habit of describing people using colors, emotions, or otherwise indicating the behavior of their aura instead of their physical features. It made sense to him, after all. A persons aura is probably the most obvious thing about them at first glance. As you might expect, young Shigeo had his fair share of frustration and tantrums regarding differences in perception—adults consistently asking him to use more correct words or to stop being silly while he petulantly stamped his feet insisted upon what to him was obvious.

[ On Auras ]

Auras are highly individual. Qualities like color, behavior, and intensity will vary from person to person and shift along with their mood. Every living thing has an aura, and so do spirits of the dead and the occasional haunted inanimate object. Broadly speaking, it is usually fairly easy to distinguish broad categories of things from one another based on aura, and seasoned espers will be able to identify types of spirits and people from long distances based solely on their aura.

The auras of espers are relatively easy to distinguish from non-espers due to an esper’s heightened power and control over their own aura. Non-espers and people with low psychic potential tend to have much smaller, vaguer auras and they have almost no conscious control over its behavior. Espers have varying levels of control over their own auras and most are able to spread / recede their own in order to gather information about what’s nearby or blend in with the crowd. An esper who is using a psychic ability sticks out like a sore thumb.

There is a certain etiquette surrounding auras as well.  Generally speaking it’s pretty impolite to have your aura all up in somebody else’s business, even between espers who are friendly with one another. If you clock what feels like your friend across town, you might send a shy little tendril of energy over there to politely announce that you’ve noticed them. You might even do this little poke more than once if you’re feeling persistent and want their attention, but for you to have your aura up that person’s ass in any meaningful quantity all day feels both annoying and vaguely threatening. Like, what are you being so nosy for? You’re invading my privacy. Am I in danger of attack from you? Mind your business.

The one exception to that rule might be moments of intimacy, opening up to somebody, or any other moment where privacy is explicitly going out the window. It’s pretty exclusive to people you’re right next to and people you have a lot of trust with.  If you’re already up in somebody’s business and you’re already friendly with them, your auras are gonna do a certain amount of touching and sliding around one another anyway, that’s completely natural among close friends and loved ones. If you’re with a stranger or new person you reel that shit in as close you possibly can and make contact only politely.

[ On Spirits and Spirituality ]

Leaving your body is a very depersonalizing experience that can cause you to lose your sense of self and forget what it was your goals were. For this reason, it’s a particularly dangerous thing for an esper to do and something many don’t bother learning/trying to do.  This same rule also applies to spirits who have died and who have no body to return to.  It takes a particular amount of power and hard work for spirits of the deceased to keep remembering who they were in life, and many don’t have the means or the will to keep that up for long. Typically spirits end up forgetting the details of their lives more and more over time until all that remains is whatever their core motivation keeping them on Earth is.  Many spirits don’t even know their own names and instead take on new names.

To an outside observer Shigeo appears to be religious at best and kind of weird at worst.  Having no other espers to teach him in his early childhood, Shigeo did not always know how to tell the difference between spirits and living things. Most of what Shigeo knows about spirits and the world he sees comes from having pieced it together himself.  He grew up treating spirits the same as he might treat a living person for most of his early life, often not realizing that he wasn’t dealing with a living person.  

Generally speaking Shigeo treats most spirits he runs into with respect, often bowing to them like people and talking with them even if they don’t answer him. Shigeo also tends to carry little things--food, flowers, trinkets, etc--so that he is always able to to leave an offering, especially for spirits he sees often or who seem bound to one place. At the risk of seeming a little rude or a little strange, Shigeo might forego traditions when he feels he knows what a spirit is like or what it wants. Some of his offerings may seem unusual to onlookers and he may temporarily ignore memorial tablets that are unoccupied to prioritize one that actually has a spirit attached.

Having seen spirits haunting homes, buildings, objects, etc since he was tiny, he doesn’t find it strange to see spirits in places that living people think of as safe or private, and he doesn’t feel particularly uncomfortable with their presence in those spaces even if the space is his own. As long as a spirit seems peaceful, he doesn’t really mind them watching him and doesn’t really concern himself too much with what they’re up to. Of course, Shigeo learned pretty early in life that if somebody is haunting a bedroom or something a relative picked up at the thrift store, it’s better to either exorcise the spirit or never mention it to family. Most spirits avoid espers, so things are pretty peaceful at home, but the Kageyama household had many sleepless nights over this sort of thing around a decade ago.

Finally, I tend to think that espers have a variety of opinions on spirits, and Shigeo is on the very radical end of accommodating for them.  Most espers insist upon more boundaries for spirits and will perform more exorcisms without any particular interest in what a spirit is like or what it wants. They don’t belong on earth, after all. That’s the opinion of most, and objectively speaking there is no clear right or wrong way of behaving when it comes to dealing with spirits. It tends to come down to personal opinion. I’ve honestly always hc’d that Shigeo has very good relationships with certain location-bound spirits who absolutely fucking hate Teruki, and Teruki is shocked to watch Shigeo bow and leave things for what he considered to be highly hostile spirits. After becoming friends with Shigeo, Teruki ended up watching and slowly adopting a lot of his manners surrounding spirits and ultimately saw better results with ones who weren’t hostile.

There’s probably other stuff but I can’t think of any more right now. If you have questions about headcanons pls ask I have headcanons for days.

Edit for related bonus addendum

[lavenderek]

I love when you fix twilight. It's obviously not fix-able completely, but you make it way better. What do you think about how she calls her parents by their first names?.

i think bella’s relationships with her parents are super weird and sometimes even unhealthy. 

some of the things i’m gonna say, i’ve already said before, and they are VERY VERY LONG, but i’m gonna say them again anyway and i’ve watched jenny nicholson videos for like three days straight, so i’m gonna do it in.... a numbered list!!!! 

seriously it’s super long don’t open the readmore unless you want to look at a super long post

1. bella calls them by their first names, but only in internal narration. 

most teenagers don’t call their parents by their first names, so this is odd and distances the reader from her. i’m not sure if it’s supposed to humanize her parents?

her parents would be humanized if they were acknowledged by the role they’re supposed to be playing in bella’s life; most of her readers would be seeing her as The Typical Teenage Girl, so having her parents be seen as entities separate from her who operate as peers instead of parents is bizarre. 

furthermore, she never does this in dialogue. she only does it in internal narration. 

so is this supposed to make her seem more mature and independent? bella isn’t independent; she’s provided with all her needs by her father, including emotional needs. when edward leaves her in the second book, her father takes care of her and ultimately considers having her go back to live with her mother again, because clearly bella is in need of some parental support. put a pin in maturity, i’ll get back to that in a second. 

if it’s not to make her seem more mature, then it’s just a weird stylistic choice so that the reader knows her parents’ names, which - why? i’m sure when chief swan is talking to his friend and his friend calls him charlie, we will understand through context clues that his name is charlie. also, us knowing her parents’ names doesn’t add anything to the story. bella treats every side character as an obstacle in her life, so we gain nothing from knowing her dad’s name. 

it makes sense for her to call her stepfather phil, but she should call her parents mom and dad. 

2. bella is “super mature” 

ouch! i pricked my finger on the pin i put in maturity. yowie!

we hear a lot about how mature bella is. she condescendingly tells us that her mother is stupid and describes her father’s inability to feed himself. is this true? 

her mother got married and has begun a life with her new husband. her father is a grown-ass man who has kept himself alive for what, forty years? they never do anything particularly immature except one time stephenie meyer has her dad accidentally microwave a can of soup at some point (has he never had soup? in the whole decade since he and renee got divorced, has he been soupless the entire time?). i don’t know that fucking up a can of soup is immature so much as a mistake, but go off i guess. 

so maybe she’s not more mature than her parents, but surely she is just mature in her own right. let’s see all the mature decisions bella makes just in the two years we are present for. 

bella gets a head injury in a car accident. she resists the advice she receives from a medical professional to rest, and plans on not telling her mother about it. she’s even pissed at her dad when he tells her mom. 

bella meets edward and senses from the jump that he’s lying to her. he gives her mixed signals that make her uncomfortable. he and many people in his life talk often about how he could kill her, how much he wants to kill her, but that he is holding back. she decides that she is safe based on her own feelings (she is objectively incorrect about this, by the way, regardless of how her story ends) and chooses to date him anyway.

bella catches the attention of a man who wants to kill her specifically. she does not tell her father. instead, she insults him and runs away from home. she then runs away from the people who are assigned to protect her, because she believes she knows better than they do. 

edward breaks up with bella. i think most people after the ending of a relationship would go to their room and cry and process those feelings of sadness and abandonment. but bella’s not like other girls. she’s mature and has deep emotions. she refuses to accept the breakup and spends hours wandering around in the woods, forcing everyone in her town to go around in the night looking for her. okay. 

she gets a part-time job at some point. but so does her classmate mike, and also 55% of teenagers in her age range (when the book is set, which is in the mid-to-late 90′s). 

oh, but wait, then she withdraws all her savings and uses them to purchase and fix up a motorcycle - a thing she is specifically not allowed to do - in order to spite her ex boyfriend. at this point she has abandoned her plans to become a vampire, so there’s no reason to assume she won’t be going to college in a couple years. with what savings will she be paying the tuition? i’m sure her school counselor will understand when she explains that she spent it all on a motorcycle. 

we are told bella is very mature and stephenie meyer clearly expects us to draw this conclusion based on how bella does her chores without being asked; but when it comes to major decisions about her safety, her future, and the effect she has on others, she repeatedly makes selfish and childish decisions. she hurts her parents, her friends, and herself, a lot. she does all of this based on her own intuition.

and actually, a lot of it tracks with her being a teenager. teenagers are not adults. they biologically do not yet have the full capacity for decision-making. that’s why they’re not adults. bella is not more mature than her parents and her belief that she is is demonstrably dangerous. she really needs more discipline in her life. 

3. bella and her mom

bella is very sad in the beginning of the book. she loves her mom and sees her mom as her best friend. 

she demonstrates her closeness by: 

lying to her mom that she wants to live with her dad, because she believes renee will be happier without bella, her supposed best friend. renee does not notice that bella has lied or question this decision. 

putting off emailing or calling her mom for several days, which makes renee angry. when she finally does, she basically just lists the things she’s done and logs off. 

refusing to share information with her, including that she was injured in a car accident, because she believes renee will be upset. her dad calls renee anyway, and bella is angry and is incredibly reluctant to call her back and talk to her. 

ignoring her emails for months when she’s sad over her breakup. 

visiting her exactly one time in the whole two years spanned in the books. her mom is also never invited to come visit bella in forks. 

renee’s absence from bella’s life actually works for the plot, as she can’t interfere with bella’s duplicity, while leaving the option to add an element of guilt from afar. but it doesn’t make sense as a character decision. 

i think it would make way more sense if bella and her mother aren’t close. bella wants her mom to show interest in her life. she suggested moving in with her dad in the hopes that her mom would be like, “no, honey, stay, i’ll miss you if you go,” but renee doesn’t even question it, she just books her a ticket. 

bella checks her email immediately when she arrives, and hasn’t heard from her mom, so she sends her an email herself, to which she gets a response like, two days later. 

bella calls her mom and gets her answering machine. renee is on her honeymoon and she and her new husband are in the process of moving to another state, so bella reasons that her mom is just busy; but she is also dealing with the knowledge that she’s just not a priority for her mom. 

yeah, this is very sad and makes renee seem like an asshole, but maybe she is an asshole in this version. it would neatly remove renee from the plot, it would explain why bella is so bummed about living with her dad, and it would lay the groundwork for why bella is so gutted when she perceives edward breaking up with her as being abandoned. bella believes she is not worth staying for. 

4. bella and her dad

i don’t even know where to start with bella and her dad. he seems great to me. 

he is the chief of police.

he knows and is respected by everyone in town.

he has friends and hobbies. 

as i said before, he has fed and clothed himself his whole life - at the very least in the decade since his divorce.

...so he seems like a reasonable person and member of the community. 

he treats bella with respect and offers her privacy, but he is always available when she needs help.

he notices and tries to intervene when she’s struggling. 

he has an amicable relationship with his ex-wife and they communicate about their daughter regularly. 

he bought bella a truck and put chains on the tires so that it would be safe for her even when it’s cold and wet out. 

...so he’s clearly an involved and caring father. 

bella goes through a serious depressive episode in new moon after her breakup with edward, and her dad responds to every bit of it. 

he wants to find out why she is upset. 

he is aware of how she’s doing in school and whether or not she’s seeing her friends. 

when bella has night terrors, he jumps out of bed to comfort her. 

when jacob deliberately lashes out at her and triggers another depressive episode, he immediately steps in and calls jake’s dad. 

he is told bella is at fault, but he takes bella’s side and chooses to believe her side of the story. 

throughout her depression, he never once judges her for it. 

after what he perceives to be edward hurting bella and being a bad boyfriend (which - he is observably not wrong about that), bella’s dad is openly against bella dating him again. 

...so he cares for and advocates for bella’s emotional state. 

if bella expresses gratitude or appreciation for any of these things, it’s sort of bitter and backhanded, like “at least charlie leaves me alone.” he fucked up trying to make dinner one time, to which she responds by refusing to let him cook ever again. bella dates edward twice before eclipse, and both times she went missing and then came back injured; so chief swan tells her he doesn’t think she should be dating edward again, at which point she puts down ultimatums and threatens to leave. bella ignores his rules and requests, keeps secrets from him, and runs away from home a few times because she believes she knows better than he does. 

no matter how many times charlie proves himself, it never changes bella’s opinion of him. there’s no arc there. bella arrives thinking her father is incompetent, and she leaves thinking her father is incompetent. 

making bella disrespect her father does benefit the narrative by enabling her to be secretive and makes her feel even more isolated in her experiences. it also makes stephanie have to write about less characters. but bella being secretive and isolated just results in her being stuck in the same situation for like 75% of each book. i think it would make sense for her to want to fix things, even just a little bit. 

there’s no reason for her to disrespect charlie, so her unfounded feelings of disdain toward him are confusing and just make her look like a dick; and furthermore, not giving him a character arc just makes him a boring obstacle. he might as well just be a door that gets stuck shut whenever it rains. 

i think it would be a better idea, for character development, for bella to grow closer to her father over the course of her stay with him. i would like, at least two of the times bella disobeys him, for her to ultimately conclude that he was right and she shouldn’t have done the thing. i would like her to eventually open up to him about some things. 

she doesn’t have to share that the cullens are vampires, but of all the people in her life, who has experience with having a romantic partner with whom he envisioned a future break up with and leave them? it would make sense for her to confide in him - or at the very least, seek comfort from him. 

bella trusting her father’s judgment and showing caution dating edward again after the events of new moon would also be better for the story, and i have more thoughts about that but that’s for another post. 

and probably biggest of all, your only tenuous link to emotional acceptance and fulfillment should not be your romantic partner. that’s so weird and unhealthy. bella is a teenager who, in general throughout the books, feels unmoored and stressed out. she needs someone sturdy and reliable who she can trust to protect her, even if it’s only emotionally. this would also give bella someone to bounce her thoughts and feelings off of and reduce the monotony of the narration a little bit. 

her father is an excellent choice for that. he repeatedly demonstrates that he is in her corner, and her corner alone. (i also think vampires should be just a little bit easier to kill, so that chief swan can protect her just a tiny bit.) 

5. why

stephenie meyer has children herself and it’s so weird to me that she would write a teenager deliberately disobeying and lying to her parents and consequently placing herself and many other people in grave danger, and framing it as a good thing. she makes it clear that bella was correct in doing this. 

bella’s not the only one, either. edward allegedly sees carlisle as his father figure, but A. this was not consensual, and he is frequently unhappy that carlisle bit him and made him a vampire; and B. he often disregards or gets angry about carlisle’s advice. 

wouldn’t stephenie meyer want to know if her son was hurting, or in danger? wouldn’t she want her son to respect her? wouldn’t she want to be able to share her wisdom and help her son make safe choices?

she does make it clear in interviews that this is pretend and she doesn’t believe readers should be seeing her characters as role models; but she made her characters teenagers on purpose, and it strikes me as kind of irresponsible to act as if she assumes her young readers won’t try to identify with them. 

bella’s relationships with her parents are boring and unusual, and the older i get the more frustrating they are. they stifle the characters and make the plot repetitive and tiresome. these are relatively small changes that i think would benefit the story overall. and that’s my opinion, thanks guys

[hydra-collector]

Whole: Chapter Six

AO3

Fic Page (all chapters listed here)

Second Fic in the Series

Chapters Finished: 6/6

Ship: Intrulogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Patton Sanders (mentioned), Virgil Sanders (mentioned)

TW: self-harm mention, kissing, crying, food mention

Words: 884

Summary: Good news and hopeful tears.

Remus had begun to relish in the freedom of summer, going on ‘adventures’ in the outdoors, swimming in lakes, breaking into more abandoned buildings, (and a few that weren’t yet abandoned) with Logan tagging along sometimes. He was more interested in some things than others, mostly Remus’s ventures into the woods. He enjoyed reading in the quietness of the forest.

Today wasn’t one of those days, however. Remus was sitting on his bed, anxiously waiting for his boyfriend to arrive. He kicked his legs on the edge of the bed, his phone sitting in his lap. He shouldn’t be this impatient, but it had been a few days since they’d been able to hang out for more than half an hour. Logan was busy with various forms of studying, (something Remus had strongly advised against, but Logan had persisted) but at least it was less work than he made himself do during the school year.

Knock knock.

Remus leapt up, racing to the door. Sure enough, Logan stood outside in his usual polo and jeans. Remus pulled him into a tight hug, kissing all over his face.

“Remus, you saw me two days ago.”

“And I missed you!”

Logan smiled at him, twirling inside with him. Logan wasn’t usually the one to initiate a dance, but today he seemed… more energetic. More lively, happier.

He hummed a tune as they entered Remus’s house, his hand on Remus’s waist, swaying to the rhythm of his song. 

“Well, you’re peppy.”

Logan kissed him. He could feel the smile on his lips and couldn’t help but smile back, knowing today was a good day. Logan pressed against him, finally breaking the kiss, but still holding their faces close.

“Guess what happened today.”

“Patton got a boyfriend.”

“Sadly, no. He’s been crushing on Virgil for a while, there’s a good chance xe likes him back. He’s too much of a coward to tell xem, and xe probably is too.”

“Talk about stealing your friends.”

“Any other guesses?”

“You got a job?”

Logan leaned back, hands resting on Remus’s waist. “No. But I do have some applications in.”

“...You decided you’re gonna break up with me?”

“No! Why would I be acting so ‘peppy’ if I was going to break up with you?”

“I’m running out of options, Lo.”

“Well, if you really can’t guess…”

Logan’s arms slipped from Remus’s waist to his hands, who laced their fingers together, face poised in excitement.

“Today was my first therapy appointment.”

“Holy shit- that’s, that’s amazing! Is your therapist good? Do you like them? Is it really that helpful? I mean, it has to be, based on how happy you are.”

“Yeah, it’s- it’s nice. She’s trans and bisexual, so I don’t have to worry too much about anything like that, talking about queer friends, talking about how homophobia affects how I feel… It’s really nice. And it seems like it’s going to work out. Obviously it’s gonna take a while to get a diagnosis and maybe antidepressants, depending on how things work out, but I’m sure it’s gonna help.”

Remus cupped his cheeks, grinning. “I’m so… I’m so happy for you.”

“Rest assured that you’re a big reason I even got this far. If you hadn’t, if I hadn’t met you, I would probably be exactly where I was last fall. You… you force me to live. I put my trust in you, so it’s really nice to have the person that you love, you trust, telling you to help yourself. I wasn't sure if it was even possible to feel this happy before I met you. Thank you. Thank you for being such a wonderful person to me, even if I hate myself, even if I don’t think my scars are lovable, you’re the reason that they’re going to start fading.”

“Lo, babe, don’t- don’t make me cry-”

Remus kissed him again, eyes wet. He wiped them dry nearly every five seconds, Logan helping a little bit too.

“Thank- thank you for listening to me. The thought that- that you’re gonna be happy, you’re gonna be okay, I swear, it’s the most valuable hope I’ve ever held onto. But just, try to remember that it’s not gonna be straight up progress. I’ve done a lot of research- I’m sure you have too- and if you’ve come a long way, and things seem to start going backwards, remember that progress isn’t linear- you’re gonna have more lows.”

“I… dread them. But, maybe- maybe I could keep a graph to show how my progress goes. Or multiple. One for the general… feeling, another for self-harm, another for panic attacks.”

“Yeah, that’s- that’s a really good idea.”

“You think-” he’d started crying a little too- “it’s gonna work out? I’m finally gonna… be happy? At some point, at least? After… eight years, I’m not going to hate myself every time I look in the mirror?”

“I think it’s possible. I know it’s possible. And I’m going to be so happy to see you happy.”

“Then… I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Remus sniffed, looking at their matching tear-soaked shirts. “You want some hot cocoa?” He managed a little laugh that was echoed by Logan.

“I think hydration would be a good idea.”

He felt better. Happier, more loved. Complete and content and… 

Whole.

[dailyaudiobible]

10/23/2020 DAB Transcript

Jeremiah 42:1-44:23, 2 Timothy 2:1-21, Psalms 92:1-93:5, Proverbs 26:3-5

Today is the 23rd day of October welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it's great to be here with you today as we continue the journey, the journey through the year, a journey through the month, a journey through life together in God's word. And this week we been reading from the Christian Standard Bible, which is what we’ll continue to do until the end of the week, which we be tomorrow. But we’re here, we’re here now and we’re the book of Jeremiah and we’ll read today chapter 42 verse 1 through 44 verse 23.

Commentary:

Okay. I want to read a little piece of Scripture, little poem, or saying or maybe even lyrics from a very, very ancient worship song embedded into this letter that we’re reading right now called second Timothy. So, these are the words, “for if we died with Him, we will also live with Him. If we endure, we will also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will also deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny himself.” Okay, so that little…that little saying, that little kind of creed that we just read, that’s really interesting actually. It’s one of the things that scholars would look at and say, “okay. when did this develop? When was that understanding solidified? Where…where does this go?” And, so, there's debate like over this because why is…whoever wrote this…let’s just say, why did Paul in his final letter on earth put the piece of creed or song lyrics in here? So, it’s in his letter to remind the recipient of this letter, Timothy, what the core doctrine, like what the core beliefs are in the context that they're being used, endurance. Paul's telling Timothy to endure. And we've seen this come up. And I've mentioned that we won't be able to get to the end of the Bible without…like…endurance becomes a central major…like major theme of the New Testament. And it's so funny because it’s like the last thing we want to do or participate in or be involved in. And usually when we have to endure something, we’re not happy about it. We don't see it as a positive thing in any sort of way and we just…all of our prayers and all of our energy is to make it go away when what we see in the New Testament in the early church is that they had to learn how to live with it because it wasn't going to go away. So, Timothy this pastor at Ephesus, he is a trustworthy follower, he is a son in the faith to Paul, Paul had passed the faith onto Timothy, and he had passed the faith on the many others and that passing on of the faith is…was gonna cost him his life. And, so, for Paul to tell Timothy he's going to have to endure is…is essentially Paul seeing the writing on the wall. The Empire had begun to truly actively systematically persecute Christians and marginalize them completely. And Paul was a ringleader of dispensing the faith, right? So, he's in prison. He's probably not getting out of prison. He didn't. But at the time you would think that he's probably gonna die. And, so, when he’s sitting in a dungeon and it's dank and it's cold and he’s thinking about all of his children in the faith and all of the churches, all of the places he will never go again, all of the people he will never see again, he can notice what's happening, that the Empire is coming against this faith and it's all gonna be…like they’re gonna be victorious, they’re gonna stamp it out. They will destroy it from the face of the earth unless God's people endure it no matter what, to the last person. So, Paul knows even though his journey is coming to a close, endurance is going to have to live on in the church in order for it to survive. And, so, this little piece of a creed, this little piece of maybe a worship song that was song as a declaration of faith among the early churches is inserted here in the letter as a reminder to Timothy. And what gets really really interesting here is something that we've mentioned before, but it becomes really poignant here. When this letter was written, even if this was written later after Paul's…like, even if this is a really late first century writing or something like that, a decade or more after Paul's death, it’s still really really early. It's early church material here. And, so, we have to remember that when this letter’s written, when any of these letters that we’re reading in the New Testament were written they weren’t known as the New Testament. There was no such thing as the New Testament. So, Timothy as a pastor in Ephesus couldn't refer to any of the passages that we now continually refer to in the New Testament. It didn't exist. So, Timothy could've taught out of the Torah. He could've referred to any of the communications that Paul had with Ephesus, any of the copies of the letters that had been passed around and collected that they had. And…and they did do that. And then, of course, the, you know, the personal letters that…that might have existed in the churches. So, finding this…this statement in this letter gives us a glimpse into what our earliest brothers and sisters were holding on to, holding onto and singing, as a song, as a memorable thing and that they could continually sing or something that they could declare and state before there was a New Testament, right? So, this is…this is the kind of stuff that was being said in the churches before a cohesive New Testament was pulled together from all of the various, various wide library of things that were being written down before the New Testament was all cohesively collected together. So, kind of having that backdrop, it's like really interesting then to know, okay, we have done plenty of exploration about the trials of the early church. We’ve pretty much demystified the fact that there was not ultimate harmony in the early church. There was all kinds of stuff going on, which gives us kind of a sense of hope that we haven't digressed. We’re just continuing in the tradition of wrestling through what we believe. But our earliest brothers and sisters were trying…were sorting these things out, wrestling through these things trying to find practical ways to live into these things under pressure. And we see that pressure a lot in the church but now we’re like seeing that the Empire's got a vendetta and Christians really are, at least in certain areas and in certain circumstances, really being pressed hard unto death. Christians are being killed. So, to look at what they were holding on to when there wasn't a New Testament to hold on to, when all of the theology of the New Testament hadn't been formed because the New Testament wasn't a closed cannon at this point. So, we’re looking at things in formation, what these brothers and sisters who were holding on to Jesus were holding onto. “For if we died with Him, we will also live with Him. If we endure, we will also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will also deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful for He cannot deny himself.” That’s looking back to a time, although this is in the New Testament, this is looking back to a time before the New Testament and seeing what our brothers and sisters were clinging to. And we need to cling to the same thing.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word. As always, as always, something clicks, something is…is illuminated, something leads us forward, something takes us the next step. You are always there guiding and directing us. Your Holy Spirit is always present leading us the next step forward. And, so, we’re grateful for that. We appreciate it more than our words…like the vocabulary fails at some point because it's…it's a changer…it’s a life changer. You have changed our lives and You continue to transform our lives as…as…as we are diligent at hearing the Scriptures, as we are diligent in pondering and meditating upon them, as we are diligent to quieting ourselves and following the leading of Your Holy Spirit. So, we are so grateful, and we are grateful that we are continuing an unbroken tradition leading all the way back to our earliest brothers and sisters. And, so, to have a glimpse back into what they were holding onto is a beautiful thing and we are grateful for it. And may we hold on and endure as well. We Pray this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

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And, of course, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement that's…that's one thing we do well, is to love on each other and pray for each other and…and lock arms and hearts together and shoulder each other's burdens. As far spread out as we are all over the world this is still happening and God's Spirit hovers us and is in it all. No matter where we are the Spirit of the living God connects us. And, so, that is a beautiful thing. So, yeah, if you’re carrying some things you shouldn’t be carrying you can reach out. There’s a…there's a hotline. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Hotline button. It’s the little red button at the top and just start to share from there no matter where you are in the world, or if you'd rather use the phone, you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey everybody this is Pelham in Alabama or addicted to Christ calling. I’m calling for T-Ray from Texas. You called. Your call played today on the 17th of October. And you called for your children and you called for Ray Cross, your son who apparently is copying what I did. I wasn’t selling anything but boy I’ve got some stuff I’ve gotta take care of with the government as far as I messed up and I got a DUI and I’ve got all kind of hoops to jump through and I’ve got another case pending or something down in a different county that got put on the side because of coronavirus. And the Lord is in control. He’s on the throne, He is the King of Kings and the Lord of lords and He loves His children. Your daughter who claims she is a pagan, I just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, that this is the cost of freedom, this is the cost of free will. We have to find our own way with fear and trembling. We have to discover who we are in His kingdom and He is so cool, He’s such an incredible Father that He allows us to choose that. He allows us to explore this world, to have our anger, to have our doubt, to choose plots of the enemy, to choose paths that aren’t His path. But He has a way of taking the broken things and He has a way of taking those that are lost and bring them home and He does it poetically. He does it like the ultimate storyteller, which He doesn’t like a boring story. He likes a comeback story. He likes the underdog. He is the ultimate underdog. And I just wanted you to know that your call was the call for me today to…to reach out and pray for you. I love you guys.

Today I remember the warmth of your smile your incredible love for me from the time I was just a child the sound of your voices I can still hear in the wind telling me Tony God’s love doesn’t end I just want to thank you for your prayers and your tears and for not giving up on me after so many fruitless years there were times when I was stupid and selfish at best but your love was consistent through many a test in fact it was my anchor and the only thing sure whenever there was trouble would help me endure I’m sorry I failed you my life was a mess and I prayed every day for your forgiveness you and dad were the best and though everybody says their parents are the best for me I know it’s true because I know I put you through the test and the prayers that you prayed and the tears that you cried condemned me in spirit deep down inside four truly you were two of the best things that God ever placed in my life and I hurt you so bad that it still cuts like a knife but still you forgave me and I prayed every day that God would allow me to show you someday the love that I felt and to be the son I always wanted to be for the two of you then as well as for all eternity for you two were consistent in standing by me and your love brought me closer every day to becoming free thanks mom and dad

blindtony1016@gmail.com. Like to give a shout out to Candace and His little Cherry. Know you’re both loved and prayed for daily and once again Brian and the Hardin family than you for this wonderful podcast…

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Crowned in His Glory and this is the first time I’ve ever posted a message before. I did ask for prayer and you guys did pray for me on the Prayer Wall for my continued battle with cancer and I thank you. Bless all of you for that. First, I want to thank the Hardin family for this ministry. It has changed my life in the past…past few years. It’s just unbelievable. And I want to pray for Carmen in Orlando I believe. She is faced with the situation that she has to put her father in a care facility, and she is struggling with that. Father we…heavenly Father we pray for Carmen in Orlando and for her earthly father. Take care of them give them comfort and peace. Let this gentleman know that Carmen is only acting in his best interest, that if possible, if she had the ability, she would care for him herself for the rest of his life. Father heal this man, touch him, comfort him and give Carmen the strength to do what she has to do Lord. Give her comfort, give her the…the means and cut through the red tape to get her earthly father put into a care facility that will give this gentleman the proper, most professional care possible. And Lord we…we ask these things in the precious name of your son Jesus Christ.

Hi, my name is Rebecca from Michigan, we’re first-time callers. My husband Skye and I started listening in January. Just need prayer requests for my neck and my jaw. Took a fall when we went on a little mission trip to deliver a bike that we raised for a paraplegic named Eric. We just pray for Eric that he will be touched by the Holy Spirit to want to receive the free gift of salvation and the same for Scarlett, Dave, and John we also met on witness to that trip. And we also pray for this van that we’ve been traveling in to continue to be anointed by God, for open doors to witness to others. And others that we met this last week when we camped, TJ, CJ and Lorrie, that they will come to know the grace and love of Jesus in their hurting lives. And we just pray a blessing over Skye and I to protect our marriage. We need your prayers for…against the enemy for any backlash for doing kingdom work and we pray that over Brian, we pray that over others doing the kingdom work and we just need new means of income since Covid. And, so, just prayers for that and to be led where at where he wants us to be. And this winter as our landlord is selling our house. So, probably some more van evangelism because we’re just tent dwellers in the world anyway. And we believe that Jesus is coming soon, and he is good and I’m expecting good things to come and hope that for all of you. We love you guys and we want you to be encouraged to do the good work of the King of Kings. For He is our treasure and in him our inheritance is going to be amazing in heaven. So, we look forward to that and I just hope for a blessed day for all of you.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family. I’m Xavier calling in from Cameron and I want to thank each and every one that takes time to pray for our various brothers and sisters  __ most especially those having problems in their marriage with their children trying to overcome some drug addiction and where listening to your beautiful voices, where listening to your prayers that you pray for one another gives me hope as well in my own little corner trying also to cope with my own addiction. I just want to thank Brian most especially for everything he says. I love you. It gives me a whole lot of comfort. It gives me a whole lot of peace inside and __ Daily Audio Bible family. It’s like it’s not even virtual. It’s like I have people talking to me right in my ears. So, it…it’s so comforting. I must say. In all of the years this is been my number one spot for comfort and peace and giving the job that I do which drains out all your energy listening to people __ in our country it just gives me a whole lot of peace to come here and know what people are going through and what people also are doing to make sure that they receive comfort in their various destinations. I’m thankful again Brian for your beautiful platform which gives out peace to people all around the world. And I also want to reach out to __ tough time in the family in their personal lives for you __ we’re there life there is hope. Tune into the Daily Audio Bible family every single day and you’ll find comfort like I have found comfort…

Hello DAB family this is Dimitri from Massachusetts. I’m a first-time caller but have been listening since the beginning of the year. Just stumbled over this podcast and been listening ever since and I would like to pray for Dimitri from Oregon or Washington not sure which state, but he called asking for his marriage…asking for prayer for his marriage. And I pray for God’s intervention. I pray for God’s restoration because for God nothing is impossible. And I pray for Christian as she asked for restoration for her parents and relationship with her parents. And I pray so God will restore that relationship because God is an Almighty God. And I pray for every needy heart in the community. I pray for freedom and deliverance from all addictions. I pray for their restoration to the family so God will turn…turn sons back to their fathers and fathers back to their sons and just restore the…the relationship with families and God’s pray…I pray for God’s intervention for every soul. __ and the type of the enemy in the name of Jesus. And I also love to ask prayer if somebody can just pray for me so I can reflect Christ in everything that I do. I have a ministry in church but it’s hard for me to reflect Christ in everything that I do. It’s just hard to work to with people but all things are possible with God. Thank you. DAB family thank you for everything you do Brian and the whole team. God bless you.

[shipppersrus]

In Another Life- Chapter 2

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

I think anatomy is my new favorite class. Louis and I goofed off the entire time, maybe I do actually have a chance with him. He is nothing like what people make him seem to be, they said he’s arrogant, he mouth’s off, and is basically a fuck boy but he isn’t that at all; he’s kind and funny, slightly annoying but really charming. We exchanged numbers for class and research purposes, but I was hoping that wasn’t the only reason he would be using it. I headed to P.E. for my next class, as I changed Mariana and Brody met up with me there.

“Clem! Clem! Clem! You will not believe who is in my history class!” Brody bounced and giggled.

“Who?” Her excitement couldn’t help but make me smile.

“Marlon!” She beamed.

“Marlon?” My face dropped. “Wouldn’t that mean he’s repeating history?”

“Oh come on Clem, so!” She nudged my arm. “We sit next to each other and he was passing notes to me all class. I think he likes me.”

“Oh come on Brody, don’t be stupid. Marlon’s a pig and he has a rep for being that, don’t fall into his trap.” Mariana spoke.

“Says you! You like Mitch the class dipshit-” Mariana immediately shushed her.

“Brody, talk lower, you know their are people always listening.” Brody rolled her eyes.

“I doubt anyone’s actually worried about who we like, what about you Clem, anything interesting happen in your first class?” Brody and Mariana gave their full attention to me.

“Uhh- no. Come on guys, you know I’m not interested in anyone here.” I lied.

“Whatever Clem, you just don’t want to tell us.” Mariana rolled her eyes.

“If there was something to tell, I’d tell you.” I continued tying my laces as I tried to hide my face.

So my best friends don’t know who I like, I never told them about my crush on Louis because I never wanted to be teased about it. They probably wouldn't tease me but being open and honest about my feelings for a guy that has never even payed attention to me before today is pointless. After I finished tying my laces I immediately made eye contact with Minnie, she mugged me as always and continued walking. There’s the other reason, Minnie, she’s Louis’s best friend and she hates me that’s a mess within itself. The 3 of us headed to the gym and lined up as we awaited coach Lily Payne. She was in the military and always acts like she has a stick up her ass, she tells us we have to yes ma’am or no ma’am her and did I mention she’s my softball coach. She was particularly hard on Minnie and myself because she said we have the most potential but I personally hated the competition it sparked that between Minnie and me. She started to count us off for the dodgeball game, and of course Minnie and i were on opposing sides, which meant she was going to target me. They lined up all the balls and

I peered to my sides to see who was on my team; let’s just say that the odds were not in my favor. Coach Payne blew her whistle and the tournament begun. I ran and got a ball and started throwing at targets who weren’t paying attention getting a lot of core players out early, but it wasn’t long before I was Minnie’s main target. She didn’t stop at all, she was relentless. I hid, ducked, and dodged as I took shots at her that were more calculated. Soon it was us having a standoff as our teams cheered us on. I considered losing to not add fuel to the fire, but I never quit and I really didn’t want to give Minnie the pleasure of feeling like she beat me. We went for about a good 5 minutes as we continued to exhaust ourselves. As we were both about to take our final shot the fire alarm went off, ending the game and causing us to evacuate. We both dropped to catch our breath as everyone else headed out the school then we followed suit towards the end of the line. I met up with Brody and Mariana as they cheered me on.

“That was amazing Clem!” Brody hooted.

“I swore you guys were going to kill each other.” Mariana laughed.

“Hey!” Minerva yelled to me. I glared at her as she approached me. “Don’t think this is over Everett. We’ll have our rematch soon.”

I rolled my eyes at her abrasiveness as we waited till we could go back inside. We’re definitely having a rematch soon.

After P.E. I went to my art history class that I shared with Sophie. We had a new teacher this year and I have to say he was so fine! Duck and I sat together as we watched the girls swoon over Mr. Luke Porter. I don’t know what was funnier, the girls or the fact that Duck was upset that Mr. Porter had Sophie’s attention.

“He’s not even that good looking.” Duck remarked.

“Uhh- yes he is.” I teased. “ He’s hot, like hot-hot.”

“Not you too Clem, you’re supposed to be one of the guys.”

“I’m not a guy Duck, why do you even like Sophie everytime you talk to her she ignores you.” I played with my pencil in my hand.

“Yeah well that’s because I was an underclassmen but now that I’m a junior there’s no way she can resist this face, and all this muscle.” Duck started flexing.

“Alright come on Duck, stop flirting with Clementine and focus in.” Luke eyed us.

“Flirting- with Clem- she’s… well… Clem…” Duck scoffed and I was slightly offended.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I didn’t think I was that bad.

“Oh, no offense Clem, but you’re like my sister. Stop being girly and over-thinking.” Ducks comment still stung. “Oh come on Clem don’t be a baby, I just don’t see you that way.” he patted my head and I smacked his hand away.

“Don’t touch the hair.” I scolded him as he lifted his hand in surrenderance.

“Okay class don’t forget your papers on your choice piece of art due next class.” Luke finished up as the bell rung. Before I could even finish packing up Duck was already out the door waiting to make his moves on Sophie. I took my time getting my things since lunch was next and I wasn’t in a rush. Sophie hung around as she started flirting with Luke about her love for art. I continued to watch as I headed out right before her. I pulled Ducks arm as he pulled to go back the other way to talk to Sophie, I shook my head and dragged him to the cafeteria. I took an apple with some chicken strips and fries then made my way to our table. Duck and I

met up with Mariana,Brody, Gabe, and James; the conversation was normal banter stuff about life, taking over the world, until Mariana brought up a particularly interesting subject.

“You guys know that senior boy Louis?” She asked as she played with her peas and carrots. Most of the table didn’t respond or care except Brody and I.

“What about him?” Brody asked.

“Well he’s in my theater class, and he’s quite the actor, also quite cute as well.” She twirled her fork.

“Ew. Mari the last thing I want to hear is you talking about boys.” Gabe said uninterested.

“Yeah, but not as cute as Mitch, right?” I tried to throw in slyly.

“No way! Not nearly as cute as Mitch.”She threw it out there as I sighed of relief.

“Oh Clem stop you’re going to hurt poor Gabe’s feelings talking about other boys.” Duck teased.

“Shut up Duck.” Gabe pulled his hood down.

“Point out Louis to me, Mari.” Brody said as she slowly narrowed her finger in his direction.

“Oh he’s really cute, oh my gosh! That’s Marlons best friend! I remember him!” She cheered.

“Wouldn’t it be so cute if we went on a double date?” Brody pondered the idea.

“Oh come on guys they don’t even look the underclass man way we might as well just talk about the finer things in life.”

“Like cards.” Duck says. “Come on card man whip them out.”

Gabe pulls out the cards and deals every one a pair. James seems completely despondent.

“James you okay?” Clem ask.

“Charlie’s just been acting weird and it’s making me nervous.” James was very frantic.

“It’s probably nothing dude, just chill.” Duck Said insensitively.

“I’m just gonna go.” James abruptly hopped up and left.

“What’s his deal? I’m sure his brother is fine.” Duck studied his deck.

“You’re such an idiot.” She facepalmed.

“Dude Charlie isn’t his brother it’s his boyfriend.” Mariana rolled her eyes.

“Boyfriend? He’s gay?” Duck looked around confused as we all scoffed and groaned, he can be so slow.

It was finally time for softball practice and it felt great to be back on the field. I grabbed my practice bat and finally put on my cap after not being able to wear it all day and headed for home base. Of course Minnie was pitching, I just felt bad that Mariana was going to feel her wrath, Mariana batted up as she got ready to hit one of Minnie’s curveballs.

First ball, Miss.

Second ball, Miss.

Third ball, Smack.

Mariana immediately went down as the ball hit her leg. She yelps in pain as some of our teammates and Coach Lily approached her telling her to ice it and walk it off, as for me I’d had it with Minerva.

“What the fuck is your problem!” I dropped my bat and approached her.

“I don’t have a problem, your friend sucks at ball.” She started approaching me.

“Purposely hit my friend one more time, and you’ll see how much of a problem I can be.” We were any each other’s face… well more like her towering over me and me standing my ground.

“Girls! Break it up! Go take a lap, now! Each a mile.” Lily got between us, our glares stuck on each other before I headed to take my lap. I was a lot faster than Minnie but she was much more agile. I hated being like that but she pushed me there, Lee didn’t raise me to let people disrespect me and I’m not about to start. Once we finished our mile we headed back over picking up where we left off, my eyes always ready for whatever curveball Minnie would throw.

“It’s out of here!” My teammate Audrey yelled as I did my homerun. It’s going to be an interesting season.

After practice I was ready to head home when Coach called Minnie and I into her office to “talk”. We both each took a seat as she took her time giving us her full attention.

“Ok ladies, the bickering has got to stop. You two play more like opponents than teammates and I’ve had it, you two are no doubt great players but that’s not all it takes you have to be able to work together, especially you Minerva it’s your senior year and recruiters will be looking out for you. So this is how it’s going to be, anymore fights between the two of you and you both will be benched until I say otherwise, potentially the whole season do I make myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am.” Minnie hastily said.

“No problem Coach.” I dryly replied.

“You two are excused. If I hear anything on or off the field both of you will be answering.” She eyes both of us back and forth as we headed out. Minerva’s long legs propelled her much faster than my 5’3 legs could, it’s going to be a long season.

I headed home pulling up just at 6:30 the sunset looked stunning as it was almost about to set. I parked in the driveway and Mariana got out to head to her home across the street. I decided to take a moment before I went in to see my family. I began to get curious about the idea of being with someone, I never had a boyfriend and though I’ve thought about it doesn’t mean I wanted one. Was the reason I never had one is because I close myself off? Or no guy really looked my direction? Mari and Brody say I can be Intimidating and sometimes that scares them away, but even if that were true who wants to be with someone weak anyway. I dropped the mirror go take a look at myself, I stopped wearing my hair down, mostly because I didn’t wake up in time to do it. I never really wore that much makeup though I never leave home without my mascara and lip gloss, and I have a lot of dresses but I saw no point in wearing them at school. All of that just doesn’t matter to me though if I’m going to be with someone I would rather him like me for me and know that if I ever had to turn it on I would, not just what I look like on the outside. I smiled to myself because whether I meet someone like that in high school or not, I’m still me and I’d rather wait than meet someone that wants me to change me. I got out the car and headed inside. The smell of pork chops with mashed potatoes and gravy filled my nose. I headed to the kitchen to see my dad preparing plates, it’s one of my favorites. I studied the pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, with green beans on the plate already claiming the biggest piece in my mind. It wasn’t long before Aj came bursting through the kitchen ready to stick his finger in the one he claimed. I got ready to pull a piece from mine but was halted by Lee’s smack to my hand.

“You stink Clem! Go wash up before dinner starts.” He moved the plates away from his as Aj almost poked mr piece.

“Aww dad, it’s just the smell of a hard working women killing it on the field.” I hugged him tight enough to rub my must onto him.

“Mhm. I can tell sweet pea, now stop poisoning the smell of this meal with your hard working woman smell.” He poked my tickle spot causing me to let go of him.

“That ones mine.” Aj kept trying to find a way to poke the food.

“No Aj I already claimed that one.” I crossed my arms.

“You didn’t call dips, so it’s mine.” He fought back.

“You couldn’t even eat all that if you tried.”

“Yes I can stupid head!” He peered over his step stool to try and get in my face.

“Okay, okay now. Aj don’t call your sister a stupid head, look, I have a fair way of solving this. This one is mine and you guys chose from the other 3.” Lee took the plates and headed to the dinner table.

“That’s not fair dad! You didn’t call dibs Aj chased after him.

“I’m the dad, and I cooked it I get dibs on what I want.” Lee handed Aj forks and knives so he could help. “But I’ll let you have all the fatty pieces. Aj beamed and sticks his tongue out to me. I rolled my eyes and headed upstairs to shower and change before dinner. I passed Carley but it looked like she was working hard on some report she was working on. I briefly said hello to her and she greeted me back her eyes not leaving her computer for a second. I started up the shower as I got on my phone to see a message from Brody:

Brody: I have a date on Friday!

Clem: With who?

Brody: Marlon!

Clem: Brody…

Brody: Clem…

Never mind it being him, look my dad will kill me if he finds out I’m going on a date, would you mind coming along?

Clem: Like third wheeling? Brody…

Brody: No! I’ll tell Marlon to bring a friend! It will be a double date, except you guys do your thing and we do ours.

Clem: I’ve never been on a date… I don’t want my first one to be a blind one at that.

Brody: So then don’t think about it as a date, think about it as you helping your best friend get the boy of her dreams.

Clem: …

Fine.

Brody: thank you Clem! You’re the best!

Clem: you owe me.

Brody: oh don’t act like you’re not excited.

I locked my phone and begun to shower, I’m going on a date on Friday… well a double date, but still a date! I wonder who it could be… I started thinking about the slim chance that it was Louis and got all excited and nervous at once. Once I got out the shower I changed and headed to dinner. Of course I got the smallest piece.

“You snooze you lose.” Aj laughed as he ate his meal with joy.

“How was school? Anything exciting happen?” Carley asked me.

“No. Same old, same old.” I mixed up my mash potatoes.

“Hmm. Well I was thinking your aunt Christa, grandma, and I could take you prom dress shopping in these next couple of weeks.” I never even thought about prom.

“I didn’t have plans on going.” I avoided her eyes.

“Even so, I think it’d be nice to have a family girls day. Especially with B getting married and all, it would be nice.” I could hear in her tone the desperation.

“Okay.” I gave in. It’s taken a minute for Aunt Christa to warm up to Carley mostly because of how fast Lee moved on after the divorce. I heard dad and her talking once and she said that he didn’t give himself time to heal and that he’s with her because he’s scared of being alone with a child, but I know that’s not the case. I believe they love each other, besides they’ve been together this long. It also didn’t help that she almost didn't come to their wedding causing a riff between dad and aunt Christa.

“Besides if you get asked you don’t want to be blindsided anyway.” Carley shoves food in her mouth.

“No one's asking me to prom Carley, all my friends are in my grade.” I got a little embarrassed.

“You never know Clem.” Carley smiled.

I felt my phone buzz as I briefly checked it under the table, it was a message from Louis.

Louis: Hey Clemster? You busy?

Clementine: At dinner with my family what’s up?

Louis: oh nothing…

Just needed some help with the Endocrine system is all.

Clementine: oh, give me 5.

I could feel Lees suspicion rise as I tried to hide my phone under the table.

“May I be excused?” Lee studied me before nodding. “Thanks dad.”

“Hey Clem.” I turned to him. “No texting at the dinner table.” I smiled and headed to my room.

Louis: it’s been 5… you still there?

Clementine: yeah I’m back!

A/N: I was going to keep going and make this chapter longer but life is getting the best of me! Hope you enjoy! There’s more to come!

[deakyjohns]

Friends Will Be Friends - Ace!Reader x Queen

Based off the following prompt: Hello I’m sorry to bother you but could you please write a Queen x asexual reader please? Where the reader slowly realizes she’s asexual then is scared to admit it to the boys?

Warnings: Not a ton! Reader is anxious about coming out, so there are potential triggers there. [word count: 2,265] 

pls note: i don’t identify as ace but i am queer, so i’ve done my best to express what? coming out can be like? but everyone’s experience is different. hopefully this does some justice to that notion! <3

You knew everyone meant well.

That when Freddie told you anyone would be lucky to have you, or when Roger jostled your shoulder, pointing out potential suitors, it was because they cared about you. They thought it was what you would want. You used to think it would be what you wanted, too.

You weren’t sure how to tell them. It had been difficult to even figure it out yourself. You always understood the feelings you had, but putting a name to them had been something else entirely. Through your teenage years, you’d begun to find slight differences between yourself and your classmates. When they got excited about dating and relationships, you found yourself more interested in the books you were reading and the music you liked. You cared about your friendships and loved meeting new people, but you never really liked the idea of dating.

You used to assume it just meant you hadn’t met the right person.

In a few attempts to give it the old college try, you had gone on dates. Once or twice you’d had nice conversations with people over dinner or a drink, but you didn’t feel yourself longing to see them again. A date that you hadn’t had a particularly good time with once tried to kiss you, and you’d pushed him away out of instinct. He’d mumbled an apology and a good night and you hardly answered before flying up the stairs back into your apartment.

You leaned against your door, letting out a long breath. Part of you wondered if you should have just tried it to see if you’d enjoy it. But the rest of you knew you wouldn’t have.

It frustrated you to no end that the world, everyone around you, really, expected you to be a certain way when you just weren’t.

You didn’t want to think there was something wrong with you, but you felt like you had to look for answers. What was it that made you different? Why, when people talked about marriage, sex, and dating, did you feel like you came from some other world?

As silly as it made you feel, you found yourself at the front desk of the nearby university’s library looking for answers. A kind-eyed and young librarian peered at you through her glasses.

“Can I help you find something?” she asked politely.

“Yes, actually. I’ve got to write a paper for my human sexuality class?” It was a bit of a shot in the dark, but you were fairly sure you could get away without too many questions.

“Oh, sure. Are you comfortable with the Dewey Decimal System? I’ve just got to log a lot of returns up here.”

“Yes, no problem!” You’d had to prowl the shelves in search of horrendously obscure books before.

“Great,” she said, relieved, “thank you. You’ll want to head down to the early 300s. It’s got sociology and all that. Try… maybe 301 or 306?”

“I will,” you said, “thank you. Good luck with all those.” You pointed to the hefty pile of books on the cart beside her and she let out a quiet chuckle.

“Thanks. Good luck with your paper.” It took you a second to remember: you’d told her you were writing a paper.

“Oh, yeah, thank you!” And with that, you shuffled off into the stacks.

It took a while before you found anything that resonated with you. But eventually, after paging through countless indexes and glossaries, you found something that resonated with you–– and deeply.

You left the library with a bit of a spring in your step, but also a sinking feeling in your stomach. It felt so good to understand yourself. But understanding yourself meant that you’d be able to tell people. And you had four dear friends that you feared might not understand you the way you did.

You’d met Brian and Roger right as Smile was falling apart. Roger had tried to chat you up at the bar and since he’d made you laugh, he thought he was getting somewhere. Right as you were about to politely decline anything beyond a friendly drink, Brian came over, distressed. He let loose that Tim Staffel was thinking of leaving before Rog could make a snide remark about being interrupted, and when you expressed your despair at the possibility of the band breaking up, they both seemed cheered. You’d greatly enjoyed the music, and told them so. The night had ended with the three of you closing down the bar and the boys walked you home (or stumbled you there, on Roger’s part). After concerts, they began to count on seeing you, and you were swiftly introduced to Freddie and later John. You came to their shows as often as you could and soon you were part of the family.

What had started as the boys inviting you to parties after gigs had blossomed into a real friendship–– one you could never imagine living without. Sometimes you’d spend time with them while they were recording, and they’d even brought you along on tour for a few weeks once. You’d shared an apartment with John for a stint when neither of you could afford rent alone, and there had been many nights when the five of you all woke up in someone’s apartment, tangled together on couches, in beds, sometimes on the floor. You’d taken shifts in Brian’s hospital room when he collapsed on their first tour of the US.

You’d been through so much with them, and there was no way they’d abandon you just because you were different. They were all different, too. It’s why people loved Queen.

Your best friend and current roommate Amy reassured you of this about a hundred times as you got ready to go see the boys at a recording session. She sat on your bed as you tugged on a t-shirt and dug around in your closet for your favorite jacket.

“Those boys adore you, Y/N. And if they’re going to stop speaking to you over something like this, then they don’t deserve to call you their friend.” You sighed, voice echoing a bit as you spoke.

“I know, I know… But if for some reason they do stop speaking to me, it’s gonna break my heart. Even if it’s not worth the pain, you know?” Finally, you felt your hand brush against denim and you pulled your coat of it’s hanger, slinging it on. Amy stood and put her hands on both of your cheeks.

“They’re not going to. I really believe that.” She pressed a kiss to your forehead and you let out a soft chuckle.

“Thanks, Ames. I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.” You smiled at her and took a breath. With that, you picked up your bag and headed for the door. Amy’s voice drifted down the hall as you made your way to the front door. “And you let me know if something happens. I don’t care if those guys are famous, I will start a brawl!”

You laughed at that despite the pit in your stomach and hopped in your car. It was now or never, you supposed.

----

When you arrived at the studio, they were recording a song you’d never heard before. It was fun and a bit jaunty, which eased your nerves a bit. Brian stood in the booth, playing a guitar solo, and Roger and John were sat on couches at the back of the control room. Freddie sat, enraptured at the panel as you crept in, not wanting to disturb anyone.

John was the first to look up and notice you, and just as he was about to stand and offer you a much calmer and quiet greeting, Roger was on his feet and already halfway to the door.

“Y/N,” he cried, “just who we needed to see! Do you know, it’s been bloody boring without you all day.” You couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled you into a hug. Over his shoulder, Freddie glanced up at you and smiled, wiggling his fingers in greeting. Soon though, his attention was back to Brian, who was still laser-focused on his playing.

“It’s not as if I’m here all the time, Rog,” you protested, but he waved you off as the two of you separated.

“Well, we’ve been missing you anyway.” John nodded as he came over to greet you as well.

“It’s true, we were just talking about you,” he said, giving you a quick squeeze of a hug, “How are you, Y/N?”

“I’m all right. I’ve been wanting to talk to you all.” As you spoke, the sounds of the Red Special stopped.

“Hey there, Y/N,” came Brian’s voice over the speakers. “Good to see you! We’re just finishing up.” Freddie spun around and stood, planting a kiss on your cheek and grasping both of your hands in his.

“Yes, darling, do stay and have a chat. Brian here’s just finished his solo for Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy and we’re just about to have a spot of tea.” You grinned at the name of the song.

“One of yours, Fred?”

“Who else’s?” he replied with a dazzling smile, brushing his hair over his shoulder.

Once Brian emerged from the studio, the boys led you off to a little kitchen where Freddie put on a kettle.

“We’ve missed you,” Brian said, plopping down in a chair beside you, “How is everything?”

“It’s, er–– Well, it’s been good.”

“You said you wanted to tell us something?” John added helpfully. He always seemed to know when you were nervous, and you shot him a grateful smile. The kettle began to whistle and Freddie lifted it off the stove.

“Yes, I did,” you said, voice quieting a bit. Freddie passed mugs around and took a seat on your other side–– finally all eyes were on you. This wasn’t going to be easy, you knew that, but now with all of their gazes fixed on you with varying degrees of kindness and concern, you felt a little safer.

You cleared your throat in an attempt to push down the lingering anxiety. “Well, uhm… You all know that I don’t really… well, date. And, ah… I was doing some reading because I was feeling frustrated with everything and I…” You paused and took a deep breath. “I think I’m asexual.”

Time seemed to stop after you said it. It was still one of the first times you’d said it aloud, and your heart was pounding so loudly in your chest that you were sure you wouldn’t be able to hear their reactions. All of a sudden panic took over and you felt the need to speak again, as if you owed them an explanation. “I think I’ve known for a while now, but I never really had a name for it and then I went to the library and I started reading all these books and––”

A warm hand came to cover yours as it quivered on the tabletop and it was only then that you realized you’d begun to cry a bit. You looked up and Brian was smiling at you softly.

“That’s great, Y/N. I’m sure I speak for everybody when I say we’re happy that you’ve found a way to describe who you are.” He gave your hand a squeeze. “You know we all love you, and we’ll all be here to support you.” The other three boys gave you encouraging smiles and you nodded, reaching up to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

“I’ve just always felt different, and finally it just got too much. I was so scared.”

“Aw lovie,” Freddie cooed, throwing an arm around your shoulders, “why didn’t you tell us? You know we all would have been happy to help.”

“Well,” John ventured, “I’m sure it was a bit nerve-wracking. Not everyone is kind about these kinds of things. But nothing is going to change the fact that you’re our friend, Y/N. You’ve got us, no matter what.”

“It’s true,” Roger said, “we’d all go mad without you. And besides, if you’re asexual, that means there’s just more for the rest of us, eh?” Freddie shot him a long-suffering look from beside you, but the comment made you laugh as Roger knew it would. As you let yourself laugh, you felt some of the anxiety draining out of you.

“Oh god,” you said, “I’m so relieved. I was afraid that you’d all never want to speak to me again.”

“Nonsense!” Freddie cried, “you’d have to really do something terrible for that to happen, and I happen to know you haven’t got a mean bone in your body.” He paused for a moment and then smiled, standing up and gesturing for everyone to rise with him. “I propose a toast,” he announced, lifting his cup of tea in the air. “To our darling Y/N, whom we all love so dearly, and whom we celebrate on this day of discovery.” Everyone laughed at this, and Roger added in a cheerful “Hear, hear!” as you all clinked your mugs together.

You all drank your tea and spent the next little while catching up and laughing, just as you always did when you spent time together. When it came time for the boys to begin recording again and for you to head home, everyone joined in a group hug, placing you at the center. Standing there, literally surrounded by some of your closest friends, you knew you’d always have people in your life who loved you for who you were.

[nowlemmehearyourguns]

Did someone ask for... Murder-fluff?!

I’m finally done, y’all!  I hope you like it!!

i do apologize for how ridiculously i type out his lisp in advance.

((oh hey, this is the internet’s first introduction to my OC, Venus.  She’s a rascal and i hope you like her too. lol))

. . .

‘Party pass cash in!!! <3’ The text came through on the five musicians phones.  Why she always alerted them all, no one knew.  William heaved a dramatic sigh tossing his dethphone back onto the couch.

“Not like sche’sch gonna hang out with anybody but Picklesch anyway…” He mumbled to himself.  He couldn’t rightfully be upset.  One could only assume someone preferred to spend time with their significant other, hence the significance.  But man were they annoying, flaunting their couple-hood all the time.  And knowing his pouting would be seen as invalid only made him angrier.  By the time the whoosh of the dethjet neared Mordhaus, he was nothing short of thrilled to tell Venus the rest of the band was out for the day.  That’d show her and her stupid good mood!

“DK!  Where we goin’ tonight?!”  The booming command for attention echoed in the empty front room.  Venus stood; arms stretched above her, her head thrown back to properly shout her excitement to the skies.  After a moment of realized silence, she lowered her gaze to observe her surroundings.  “Fellas?” She questioned.

Her klokateer escort attempted to scoot his way out of the awkward scene.  “3713.”  The number froze him in place.  “So, like… when you say ‘my masters await your arrival’ is that just a spiel?  Did Mr. O tell you thatcha have to say that?” Venus inquired.

The chill that went down his spine was nigh visible.  “Ma’am?” He managed to utter the word cautiously.

“No, but really.  You don’t lie to house guests and fly them out from New York knowing they’ll be left bored and they’ll absolutely have to pester you and several coworkers into entertaining them and then you find yourself in trouble because you aren’t supposed to be drinking on duty ‘but mean old V made you and it wasn’t your fault,’ right?”  She quizzed mockingly.

“I do apologize.  It was my understanding that-”

“Where do you get off ordering around OUR schervantsch?”  Murderface butted in.  The klokateer himself never expected the bassist to be his savior.  

“Oh there you are sire! Miss Remeldtindrinc has arrived. The uh- less scary one.”  The near-groveling gear was quickly dismissed with a shove and a trademark ‘fuck off’ as his far-from-benevolent master stood staring the small woman down.  Venus thought to call the worker out on his comment, but recalling the last time she’d upset Abigail, she concluded he was well within his rights to title them as such.  

“In all fairness, he was assigned to me.  But enough about that.” Venus eased off her cutting tone, directing a genuine smile and greeting at the man.  

“What’re you schmilin’ at?”

Venus, consistently unfazed by textbook Murderface behavior, sauntered over to the couch, her backpack thrown over one shoulder.  “Can’t be happy to see a familiar face?  It feels like it’s been ages!”  

“You schtayed for a month and went home for a week.”  He pointed out, following her.

She ignored the factual assertion. “Where’re the rest of your heathen friends?”  

He crossed his arms. Right, he was supposed to be laughing at her misfortune.  “They’re not here.  Looksch like you flew all this way for nothing.  But hey champ, better luck nexsht time!  I’ll be scheein’ ya!”  He began to motion her back to the door.  

Venus stood her ground, causing William’s force to become apparent.  She turned to face him.  “You… don’t wanna hang out with me?”  The less chipper tone caught him off guard.

“Well ahhh-  What?”  He backpedaled, unsure of what upsetting his band mate’s girlfriend would beget.  Not to mention, the hurt looked pretty genuine. “I’m not- I juscht figured…” Now he was the one sounding pouty, much to the young woman’s amusement.  

“Figured I wouldn’t want to hang with the legend: William Murderface just cuz the rest of the guys aren’t here? Get the fuck outta here, goofy!”  She nudged him in the ribs.  “You wanna party?  Let’s go party!”  

Before he could respond she was dragging him back to the drummer’s room.  “Just lemme change and we can be on our way.  What’re ya thinkin?  Dive bar?  Upscale joint?  Karaoke?” He was overwhelmed already, internally questioning how Pickles could tolerate this ball of enthusiasm on a regular basis.

She dumped the contents of the backpack on the drummer’s bed observing the pile as if even she wasn’t sure what all she’d stuffed inside.  “We could go hang with some bikers.  I brought my leather pants!”  Venus exclaimed, clutching the pair to her chest, expressing aloud how ecstatic she was to be able to fit them again.

William propped himself against the wall with his shoulder, defeated in his quest to disappoint the woman. He supposed this was fine.  It was a rare occurrence for him to feel welcome.  Why not make the best of it? “Well there’sch thisch bar in Shcotla… what are you doin’ there?”  He asked as Venus spritzed her curls.

“Hm?  Oh, ya see with hair like mine or Abigail’s, it gets dry faster than say, Skwisgaar’s.  So I have this handy little mixture of conditioner and water to keep the ‘fro in check.”  She’d gotten accustomed to explaining these things due to her favorite stoner’s curious nature and lack of self-maintenance on what hair he had left.  

“Condishioner?”  

She rolled her eyes. “Willy, come on.  Even good ol’ boys have conditioner.”  He raised an eyebrow.  “You’re joking!”  She turned to him, her mouth agape.  A slight headshake led her to begin plotting.  “Come here.” She waved him over.

“Why?”  William grew defensive again.  Venus tapped on the trigger of the spray bottle and imitated the spritzing sound effect.  “What? Why would I wanna do that?” He inquired.

She shrugged, going back to her own routine.  “You get a lot of shit for your hair, don’tcha?”  He couldn’t disagree.  “But hey, you won’t catch me upset about being able to save on product, so to each their own.”  She chuckled, scrunching the spirals to her liking and going back to mumbling to herself. “Kind of a ponytail night…”  

He spoke up, his interest piqued by the open options.  “What’sch the big deal?  Doesch it feel that different?”

Venus grabbed his wrist and patted his hand against her mane, having him compare the sections she’d worked on against the rest.  “I’d say so, wouldn’t you?”  

The bassist found himself relaxing again.  “Alright. I’ll try it.”  He agreed, with less hesitation in his voice.  “But this doeschn’t mean I’m schome nancshy boy, ok?  You get that thought outta your head, if that’sch what your angle isch!��  He reminded her with a threatening index finger.

Venus snickered, motioning for him to have a seat on the bed.  “Lemme ask you somethin’, Murderface.  What exactly constitutes homosexuality?  To you?  How can you‘tell’ someone’s gay?”  She humored his admittedly irritating notions as she begun attempting to part his hair.

“Well that’sch obviousch!” William rolled his eyes; confident he had the world figured out.  “You alwaysch see those dudesch with their fancshy clothesch and their two-hundred dollar haircutsch.  Never wanna get their nailsch dirty.”  He listed off.

“So Offdensen?”  She teased.

“No!  Not Offedenschen!  I mean- I don’t think scho.  No, like thosche pretty boy asscholesch with tight pantsch!”  He attempted to specify.

“Skwisgaar and Toki then?”

“Nooo!  Or maybe!  I don’t fucking know what those Schcandinavian baschtardsch do when no one’sch lookin’!”  He shuddered at the thought.

“Nate’s pants are pretty tight.  You think he’s gay?”  Venus giggled, working the leave-in spray through the dehydrated mass atop his head.

“Ok, no, Nathan’sch not gay.”

“Why isn’t Nathan gay?”

“Cuz he likesch pusschy!”

“Skwisgaar likes pussy more than anyone I’ve ever met.”  Venus countered.  

“He’ll fuck anything that movesch.”  William noted.

“You are dangerously close to understanding my point, bud.”  Venus giggled.

“What are you talking about?!”  He sighed in exasperation.

Venus attempted again to run the comb through his hair with only the slightest avail.  “Alright, hear me out. You know who else likes pussy and women in general?”  He gave her a questioning gesture.  “Yours truly.”

“Ok grossch, too much informatschion.”  He noted. “But you’re dating Picklesch which obviouschly meansch-”

“I get more now than ever in my life because the boy’s a master of the ménage.  You are correct, sir!”  She said cheekily.  “But I also love my little Irishman.”

Murderface raised an auburn brow, grunting slightly as she struggled with her task.  “Scho you don’t do threeschomesch just becausche he wantsch you to?”  

“No, dude.  I wanna bang who I wanna bang and I don’t worry about what’s in their pants until I get there. And then, I’ll happily make use of whatever awaits me.”  Venus smirked.  “Hell Nona’s mostly a lesbian.  So’s Abigail. Nathan is an outlier for a lot of girls I know...” She trailed off, distracted by pondering why that may be.

“So what’sch your point?” He huffed.

“I’m saying your sexual identity is based on who you wanna have sex with.  It’s that easy.  For some of us it can be anyone.  For some of us it’s none.  And you can’t be 100 percent sure who likes what unless an individual tells you.  So knock off that stereotyping shit.”  She threatened with a tug at his hair.  

He shrugged.  “I just have a sixschth schensche about thesche thingsch.”

“We call that gay-dar. It tends to be a lot more effective when used by our kind.”  She snorted, spraying his locks again.  

“Agh, don’t schay ‘our’ kind!  Feelsch like you’re lumping me in with ‘em.”

“I wasn’t. But if the shoe fits.”

“I don’t think I appreschiate the inschinuation.”

“Again, I’m not doing anything.  Maybe you’re projecting?”  He cast a furious gaze her way.  “And whether that is or is not the case, who. the hell. cares?  Honestly, what business is it of mine or yours what anyone does with another consenting adult?”

William sat in silence for a bit as she worked away at his unruly mane.  He pondered many deep-seeded thoughts he had never confronted before.  “Scho if I thought a man was…”

No sooner than he parted his lips, a nasal voice called into the room.  “Oh look at that, I didn’t know anybody else was here. Venus, babe, how the hell are ya?  Murderface, what are we doin?  Getting a makeover?”  Dick enthusiastically approached; shutting down any revelations the bassist may have been coming to.

“Knubbler!  Hi, doll!  Long time no see!”  Venus turned giving him a peck on each cheek once he reached her.  

Murderface returned to his defensive posture, annoyed with the new presence.  “What are you even doing here?  We don’t have any schesschions today.”  He pointed out in a grumble.

“Well ya see, I woke up on the recording room floor, figured it was a good night and thought you guys might wanna hang again!  Maybe get some sushi, hit the bar. What do you say?”  The engineer suggested.

Venus gasped, finally finagling the wide-tooth comb through a portion of William’s knots.  “Great minds think alike!  That’s why I’m here too.  But everyone bailed on us.”  

Knubbler gave her a set of finger guns.  “Well it’s your lucky day.  I can take you to one of my favorite places since nobody is here to object.  Bright lights, beautiful people, the whole nine yards, babe!”   He trusted she’d be in full agreement.  They had similar tastes based on some of their previous chats.  

“Excusche me, I might fuckin’ object!”  Murderface turned; offended by the assumption he shared their affinity for the club scene.

“Aw come on, Dick’s cool! He’ll show us a good time.  Old timers always know the best spots!” Venus goaded the brunet.

The man’s robotic eyes flashed red.  “Hey who are you callin’ old?  I’ll have you know, I can run circles around you and everybody else!  I’m a fifth of vodka in right now and you wouldn’t even know it!”

Venus giggled at the notion. “Sounds like something old man Pickles would say too.”  

After a heated battle with William’s coif and a few skincare pointers, the three of them found themselves in the deth limo, a bottle of champagne passing between them.  

“So what’s the scoop, Knubbles?  The suspense is killing me.”  Venus questioned, hoovering a line off the mirrored tray to her left.  

“This place is fucking amazing.  Drinks are a little pricier these days than I’d like, but what are you gonna do, right?” He chuckled.  

Murderface shook his head. “You’d better hope scho.  If it’sch lame, you two can say goodbye to your inschtant accessch passch.”  

“Grumpy, grumpy. Here, put some more liquor in you and get chipper, motherfucker!”  Venus slurred lightly.  

“Hot girls are instant access either way, Willy.  Don’t worry about us.”  Dick added on.  “And if you need a pick-me-up, I know a guy.”

“Awwww, Dick, you sweetheart.”  She waved a hand at him coyly as the vehicle came to a stop.  

They stood outside the disco, gazing up at the neon sign.  William fiddled with his wavier ‘do, suddenly worried about his appearance.  He wasn’t one to dress for this environment, after all. “Just relax.  You look great, man.”  Venus put a reassuring hand on his shoulder before they journeyed inside.  

Dick teleported to the bar, making a shady transaction beneath a napkin as he ordered a round for the three of them. He waved William and Venus over for extra hands.  

Climbing into an empty booth, Dick displayed the napkin in his half-closed hand.  “This shit will make you have a good time whether you want to or not.”  He grinned.

A weary Venus motioned for him to slide her the thin paper.  The small pouch wrapped inside contained 10 blue pills with tiny dolphins stamped on the sides.  “Ohh. Good.  This I can work with.”  She nodded in approval.

“What?  What isch it?”  William leaned over to get a better view.  

Venus removed a pill from the bag and gave him a closer view.  In a loud whisper she informed him.  “It’s ecstasy.  You should take it.”   She handed him the drug with a big grin.  “Thanks, by the way, Dick.  You didn’t have to do all this.”  

Knubbler shrugged. “What can I say?  I’m a nice guy.”  He boasted, tossing three of the pills into his mouth.  The younger pair stared in awe.  “Hey I don’t keep up, I do laps.”

Thirty minutes later and William felt himself loosening up.  Of course he’d experimented with many things over the years, but X wasn’t really his forte.  Call him old school, but booze and coke was a failsafe combo.  No need to complicate things, to hear him tell it.  

He panicked as he slipped the cocktail waitress a five and felt the fibers slide from between his fingers. Venus and Dick stifled laughter. “Hey you two schut the fuck up. Thisch is your fault!”  He whined.

“No, no, Willy, babe. We’re not laughing atcha.  It’s just a happy high.  Come on, let’s go dance!”  Knubbler bounced in his seat as the electronic bass bumped.  

“I don’t dansche.” Murderface insisted.

Venus slid him her cup of water.  “Come on! You pretty much gotta on this stuff. Look.”  She pointed to a woman lurking near the dance floor.  “She’s not having the time of her life.  Let’s go change that.”  She insisted, grabbing a hold of William’s hand and tugging lightly. “My friends pull ass when we go out. You’re not exempt.”

Murderface sighed, downing the remainder of the water and succumbing to the excess energy and peer pressure.  What was new?  He wondered to himself as they approached the colorfully lit tiles.

Dick immediately went into disco king mode, doing the hustle into the bustling crowd and leaving the metalhead and his tormentor to fend for themselves.  Venus shrugged, offering a hand to Murderface.  “If ya can’t beat ‘em, join em!”  She cheered, urging the bassist to twirl her.  

The lonesome looking woman flashed Venus a smile, seemingly amused with her dramatics.  She was a bit older, dressed in business casual wear.  Venus motioned for her to join them in their awkward boogying.  She initially declined, but Murderface, now fully immersed in his high, trapped her in an air lasso.  The woman hid a shy grin behind her hand as she hopped toward them, allowing herself to be pulled by the imaginary rope.

Venus took the opportunity to spin both of them, taking her cues from the confident blonde across the room. “Ok!  I see y’all” She cheered them on as the woman showed William her adorably dorky robot.  He countered with the sprinkler earning hoots and hollers from fellow patrons nearby.  The crowd loved the silly display, starting a wave of all the best throwback moves.  And all hell broke loose as the DJ caught wind of the group activities and slowed it down for the electric slide.

A few younger adults stood in confusion.  “What’s wrong?  Never been to a wedding before, kiddos?”  Knubbler attempted to spur them into action.  Venus ran to the front of the group of 20-somethings and helped them get the hang of things.  It was quite the show to behold.  

By the end of the line dance, the bar was in a happy uproar, requesting more oldies and running on nostalgia fuel.  Knubbler downed a water and got back to work, while Venus stopped by the shy pair to announce she was going for a smoke break.  “Oh wait, me too.”  The woman chuckled.

“Me three!” Murderface, followed, needing the fresh air more than anything.

“So what brings the infamous William Murderface to a place like this?”  The gruff-voiced woman queried in the quieter smoking area.

William repeatedly failed to work his zippo as he tried to formulate a response.  

Venus stepped in, lighting everyone’s cigarettes for them.  “Everyone likes a night on the town.  And nobody likes the same old, same old all the time.”  

“Yeah, what sche schaid.” William pointed a thumb at his slightly more social comrade.

The woman brushed choppy blonde bangs out of her face, enjoying the cooler night air on her forehead. “You’re right.  I’m getting too old for this myself.  But it had been a while since I made a public appearance so here we are.”  She motioned to her surroundings.  “The two of you don’t strike me as 808 fanatics though.”

Murderface leaned against the railed enclosure.  “Fuck no we’re not.  Thisch was all Knubbler’sch idea.  Just makin’ the bescht of a bad schituatschion.”  He rolled his eyes.

“Oh shush, Murderface. We’re having fun!  You can’t pretend you’re not.  Was that the lawnmower I saw back there?”  Venus teased.

“Ok, ok, schut it.” He chuckled lightly, releasing a small smoke cloud.

“And you’re the drummer’s girl, right?  Sorry, I’ve just seen you in the tabloids.”  The woman clenched her teeth, worried she was saying too much.

Venus chuckled, squatting down to the woman’s eyeline.  “They still don’t know who I am?  What a drag. I was hoping to be a household name by now.”  She giggled. “Yes I am the not-so-mysterious ‘Yorko Ono’ here to ruin the band or whatever tripe they’re sellin’.  My government is Venus.”  She offered the woman her hand.

“Marta.”  The woman shook Venus’s hand.  Murderface leaned over the table and received a shake as well. Boy, was her grip strong.  Murderface waved his hand, silently cursing at his now sore fingers.  

“Nice to meet you, Marta.” Venus smiled, forcing herself not to laugh at poor William’s crushed bass-playing hand.  “And if ya don’t mind me pointing it out, you don’t look much like one for the disco yourself.”  

“Oh, I’m definitely not.” She chuckled, taking another hit. “It’s my little sister’s birthday and she lives for this shit.  I’m more for the beer drinkin’ than the booty shakin’.”  She said with a matter-of-fact tone.  

“What do you normally lischten to then?”  William chimed in.  

“Hmm...  Thrash.  Though I guess I don’t look the type for that these days either.”  She raised devil horns with a sinister grin.  

Venus squealed in excitement, internally of course.  She was determined to hook them up now.  “A thrash gal, huh?  Who’s your favorite?”

“Fucking Exodus.  Holy crap man, I saw them in ’89 and I’ve been in love since.”  

“The Fabulousch Dischastour?!”  William chimed in excitedly.  “Fuck, man, that schit was fucking aewschome!”  He sat next to her and proceeded to gush about the bands he saved up for or snuck in to see in high school.  Venus flicked her cigarette into the ashtray and quietly departed, convinced her work there was done.

A few hours passed and the younger squadron of dancing machines tracked down team mom Marta, who’d been chatting up Murderface all night.  Venus sloppily knocked back a jack and coke as she approached the table to check on her match-making project.

“We’re ready to hit the next spot.  Are you coming?”  A long-haired woman questioned Marta.  

Venus watched Marta’s eyes dart between the girl she assumed was the aforementioned little sister and her new friend.  “Actually I was thinking I might head out.  But I’m glad you invited me!”  

The birthday girl cheerfully waved her off, giving her friends a suggestive smirk about the whole scenario once she was out of her sister’s sight.  

Knubbler approached, sweaty and still raring to go.  “Where to next, VR?”

She looked at the incoming call on her phone.  “Ahh, I’m being summoned!”  Venus flailed about, excited to see her beau but also in desperate need of updates on the William and Marta situation.  She answered Pickles’ call.  “Babe ohmygod, this is too cute, you need ta see it!  I’m not drunk, you’re drunk!  I mean yeah I am but thass irrelevant!”

She fluxuated between swears and giggles as one of the klokateer’s threw her over his shoulder, holding the phone to her chest as she screamed back to her small posse.  “Go on without me!  Remember me, brothersss!”  

Marta chuckled waving to the excitable woman.  “It was nice meeting you, Venus!”

“Nice meetin’ you, you won’erful badass of a lady! Be safe ok, I love you guys dearly!!”  Her words faded out as she was carried away. “Dick, you’re my hero!  Murderface, be good! Marta!  I know we jus’ met but be my first child’s godmother!”  Venus shouted holding onto the doorframe.  “Alas, I must go!”  She shouted in defeat as she was pried away for the night.

A month later, Venus was en route to Mordhaus giddy over a text from her bassist pal.  He seemed to be much more cheerful than usual.  

“Yeah he hasn’t been around much dese past few weeks, but dat can’t be why!”  Pickles asserted.  

“You’re just awful!” Venus snorted, attempting not to laugh aloud and encourage the drummer’s shit talking.  “Be nice to your band mate.  Also, I have no reason to lie. Look!” She shoved her phone toward his face.

“Yeah I really feel like Marta gets me.  Hell, I think I get myself more now. Thanks for the assist, bro.” And so it read.

He lowered the phone. “You tryin’ ta tell me dis chick was haht, single, inta metal, AND interested?  In fuckin’ Murderface?  Yer fuckin’ with me.  Or you must’ve passed out and dreamt dat shit up!”  Pickles shook his head in disbelief, pulling her into his lap.

“You’ll see when we get there! I didn’t even black out!  I remember everything.”  She settled into her place atop the cozy redhead’s thighs, examining the small image on her finger.  A devil emoji.  “Except the part where you convinced me to do this, you ass.”  Pickles snickered at the thought, recalling the actual events of her threatening to personally torture a series of klokateers if one of them didn’t come forth and admit to any tattooing experience.

“Yep.  Dat’s my bad.  You betcha.”  He rolled his eyes.

Once inside, Marta excitedly ran to hug Venus at the door.  “Long time no see!”  

Venus returned the excited embrace.  “So what’s the scoop, girl?  Will I be seeing you around these parts more often?”  

“Oh, about that.  I mean yeah, but not for… ah what was it you call it?  Murderface-sitting?”  Marta chuckled.  Before Venus could ask any more, she summoned over a blonde man.  He sported a septum ring and a series of lovely art pieces on his arms.  “Venus, this is my brother, Max.”  Venus stared at the man, mildly perplexed as she shook his hand.  “We’re twins, biologically and in spirit.”  

Murderface approached the huddle.  “’Schept he can do tattoos and piercingsch, so technically he’sch the cooler twin.” He joked.

“You dick!”  Marta laughed, punching the bassist in the arm.

Venus finally managed to read the room.  “Oh… OH! Well I am psyched to meet you Max!” She retried her handshake.  “And welcome to the gang!”  She winked.

“Nice to meetcha.  And thanks.”  Max said, happily accepting the pleasantries.

Marta clasped her hands together.  “Well! Now that intros are out of the way, I actually have a few errands to run, so I have to get goin’.”  She apologized for not being able to hang for longer.  

“Oh next time for sure!” Venus smiled waving her off.

“Well, an ass beatin’ on wheelchair bound is callin’ your name, motherfucker!”  Max bragged, turning to the bassist.

“Oh you’re fuckin on, dude!” William shouted, flashing the pair a genuine smile as Max pulled him away.

Venus swooned as she and Pickles made their way down the castle’s corridor.  “Must be spring.  Love’s in the air.”  

Pickles blinked at her in confusion.  “Arite maybe I’m missin’ sumthin.  Dat chick just bailed.  Whut’s so lovey-dovey about dat?”  

She turned to him with a sigh.  “I… am not at liberty to say.  Not our business what two consenting adults do.”  The short girl smirked, placing a light tap at the tip of his nose.

“No, wait, wut da fuck am I not getting’ here?”  Pickles whined.

“He’s my boyfriend, you fuckin’ dumbassch!”  Murderface shouted down the hall.

“Yeah, ya fuckin’ dumbass.” Venus snickered throwing her beanie in the speechless Pickles’ face.  

“Ohhhh!”  Pickles had a laugh at his own expense.  “Well good fer him!”