#I’ve unlearned too much shame

[moominpopzz]

Taking applications from anyone who is willing to shoot me point blank so I can think of anything that isn’t southern William Wisp

[iayos]

𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 (𝐄𝐖𝐖) !

jjk boys and their icks… because no man is perfect…

jjk boys x implied fem!reader

cw : men being gross, slight nsfw in nanami’s part, very mild misogyny if you squint in megumi’s part, this post was literally just so i could rant kinda

a / n : long time no see… not much to say other than i’ve been busy !!! anyways hope you enjoy :)

yuji itadori - bad grammar

giving him the tamest one tbh because he’s such a sweetheart </3 idk why but i feel like he just has such shitty grammar… like he’s smart ! just not when it comes to grammar. for example, he mixes up his to, too, and two’s, his there’s, and don’t get me started on your vs you’re :/ again he’s the sweetest boy ever ! it’s just the fact he probably failed his lit classes…

megumi fushiguro - “females”…

i was so close to giving this to satoru but i didn’t cause he has shoko to hold him down, megumi on the other hand… look, i don’t think he’d say it in front of girls, but to other dudes, yk ? and i definitely don’t think it’s on purpose to try and be an asshole but it just happens. quickly unlearns it when he says it around maki though.

yuta okkotsu - referring to himself in third person

you guys know how elmo is like, “elmo wants to go to the park,” yeah… yuta does this. and no, it’s not ironically. he definitely thinks it’s cute too and sometimes it is ! but it’s to an extent. like it’s cute the first couple times where he is goes, “yuta loves you,” but then it gets weird and corny when he’s like, “yuta wants to get dinner,” like ermmmm ok…

toge inumaki - fish pics.

as someone who lives in those south i see these OFTEN. for those who don’t know, fish pics are basically when dudes hold up fish they caught while fishing and post pictures of them holding it… i think the main problem with this to me is that a lot of very weird and racist men do it, so that’s why i hate it. anyways i’m 90% sure he has an official art where he’s holding a fish ( i also didn’t know what ick to give him ).

satoru gojo - his height is his whole personality

this shit irks me so bad omg. as someone who’s short ( 5’0 ) and hates seeing other short people make their whole personality their height, it’s even worst when it’s a tall person. satoru is definitely the type to be like, “omg guysss i bumped my head otw hereeee i’m so tallll,” like no you’re just stupid ! he definitely has other icks but this was the main one i could think of… ik he gets on everyone’s nerves.

suguru geto - says “my bad” instead of “im sorry”

another personal one tbh. i hate hate hate when people do this especially if it’s something serious. i remember one time someone pushed me in the mud ( i didn’t fully go on, just my foot ) and i got mud all over my white shoes and they have the audacity to go, “my bad,” like yeah it is your bad lmao. anyways, suguru def does this often especially to shoko. i feel like he’s pretty clumsy and say if shoko’s studying and he knocks over a drink onto her books he’ll say “my bad” and not even attempt to help her clean it up. like dude at least say sorry or something idk ???

nanami kento - calls his dick anything but a dick

“my member” you are grown !!! say dick !!! he does it to be ‘classy’ but like, he is pushing 30 doing this, just say dick. i also think it’s a shame thing ? idk probably hanging out with stsg for most of his teen years rotted his brain so he hates hearing really nasty stuff but he won’t even say penis half the time. like it’s really not that serious nobody wants to call your dick a phallus ( it was also really hard to give him an ick ).

choso - using 🥺 / 🥹

oh BROTHERRRR this one pisses me off. i hate both of those emojis in general but especially when men do it, it’s cornball behavior. like aren’t you supposed to be fighting in wars ? stand up. but i don’t think he has any ill intentions at all, honestly just picks emojis that represent his mood often. however he definitely uses 😂 instead of 😭… sorry choso…

song : ick - lay bankz

[lafemmemacabre]

@ People who’re not lesbians and want a better understanding of lesbophobia in order to extend better solidarity towards us:

(Repost from my old blog)

The first thing you have to internalize, is that the most recurrent themes behind lesbophobia are patterns of humiliation, punishment and denying us vulnerability.

The “mean” (arrogant and cruel) lesbian, and why lesbians must be “humbled down” (humiliated):

We’re perceived as offensively arrogant because under the patriarchy, women are supposed to be inferior to men, men are supposed to be superior.

One of the key roles of patriarchal manhood is to desire women exclusively. By taking on that role that’s supposedly only reserved for men, we provoke people to think “Who do they think they are? Do they think they’re equal to men? Or BETTER than men?“

Us not “giving men a chance” is seen as a cruel act, too. Even though straight men not giving men a chance, and straight women not giving women a chance, is them just knowing what they do or don’t want.

Because of our perceived cruelty and arrogance, we need to be humiliated back down into our proper place within womanhood.

There’s a reason why men tell us they’re going to make us “real women”, when threatening us from a distance, as well as when correctively raping or beating us. When it reaches a point in which they see us as incorrigible through humiliation, they kill us.

Projecting aggression on us, which must be punished:

Even other people who’re not cishets see everything we do or don’t do as violent, abrasive or aggressive. We’re seen as raging beasts.

Expressing my unattraction to men in public in the most neutral terms possible has been treated as me shaming people who are attracted to men (an attack), or as an attempt to hurt all men. It has been deemed homophobic or biphobic, too, no matter how careful I’ve been to not hurt other people’s sensitivities.

Don’t get me started on me not liking men on itself earning me being called a TERF no matter how clear I make it that I’m inclusive of trans women. This happens even to transfem lesbians ALL the time too.

Our mere existence is seen as an act of violence, as a threat, and our violent crime must be met with punishment, which can fall anywhere between isolating us, up to meeting us with concrete violence.

The emotionless, yet hysterical lesbian:

Since we’re violent beasts, we’re seen as emotionless. Since we’re unemotional, we’re unbreakable, which means that no violence we face is punishment enough. In consequence, when we’re subjected to violence, it’s minimized. Since it’s minimized, if we complain about it, we’re exaggerating. We’re being hysterical.

We aren’t vulnerable human beings with emotions in other people’s eyes. The only emotion people allow us is anger, and only because they can use it against us. Lesbian anger at being constantly humiliated and vilified is used to demonize us further.

We don’t need protection, we don’t hurt, so it’s fine to stomp on us, and if we complain, we’re exaggerating. Actually, we’re the ones being mean to whoever hurt us, by making that person feel guilty for a non-issue.

We ESPECIALLY don’t need help, much less to be rescued!

By being lesbians, in other people’s eyes, we’re making the statement to the world that even IF we were to not be completely unbreakable or unfeeling, we still don’t want to be rescued, we don’t want help. We did this to ourselves, in other people’s eyes.

When you see a lesbian saying or doing anything and start to feel indignation, to feel attacked, to feel threatened, to perceive them as aggressive, cruel or hysterical, ask yourself:

Is this lesbian being genuinely offensive, aggressive, cruel or hysterical, or is it ME who has lesbophobic bias I haven’t unlearned yet?

Is this lesbian actually exaggerating, or is it me who sees lesbians as unfeeling and unbreakable, so they shouldn’t be so upset anyway? If you stab a lesbian they won’t bleed, so why are they making a fuss about it?

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

[receival]

castlevania, season 3 starters.

the following is a collection of sentence starters from the netflix original, castlevania.

oh, my god. i am losing my mind.

it’s only been a month. i think.

i think it might actually be a nice night, for once.

do you think we’ll make the next town before we lose the last of the light?

do we need to make more noise?

they need to hurry up. i’m hungry.

let them get in close and get confident.

oh, god, not this again.

i am certainly doomed. doomed, i say! i am defenseless and frozen to my seat with fear!

laying it on a little thick, aren’t you, (name)?

this will all be over in a minute.

what if i said i was sorry?

i’ve been promoted from “brain - damaged servant”, then.

it’s absolutely bloody chaos out there!

i want to get in a bath, for at least a day.

the plan couldn’t have gone more wrong.

you’ll be wanting a drink, then.

you do still love me!

it’s us against the world, (name).

has there been some apocalyptic development that i somehow slept through in the meantime?

time absolutely does move on, and, sadly, none of us is master or mistress of it.

they are somewhat, uh, broken.

did you kill it?

how do you know this?

they said they felt his death.

does that offend you?

it’s time for you and yours to move along now, (name).

what the hell was that?

oh, dear. what a shame.

not until i feel a little safer here.

you killed that bastard thing. you get one free.

that is better than sex.

i do hope you sleep well tonight, with my tiny, icy foot shoved all the way up your —

and you know the smell of hell?

are you breathing, betrayer?

i was spoiled by a single act of kindness in this city. and so i attempted to be reasonable, honest, and peaceful. this was against my better nature.

it was stupid to expect anything other than hate from you.

i keep making the same mistake. i should know better.

then why are still talking to me?

do you know what annoys me about it the most? it’s a really good idea.

maybe we could just torture him until he does what he’s told.

i suppose i’m awake now.

good boy.

what a formidable beast you are.

uh … who the hell are you?

you are practically the jesus of murder.

i have no idea what’s happening right now.

and … what do you want in return?

what interests you so much about hell?

i will not be hunted.

if i wanted him dead, i would have aimed higher.

i am not “the” anything.

you’re better than i thought.

you will have to unlearn much of what you know about the world and take on more than you ever imagined.

i think my mother would approve.

now we are not alone.

i suppose we could take a break.

ah, you’ve gone insane.

you could have told me that yesterday.

well, now i want to know how you’re even alive.

the place is apparently full of lunatics.

what do you need to know?

they just looked … well. broken.

i’m not looking at you, (name).

you like looking at me.

do you partake of alcohol?

it’s not pain as you understand it.

i’m too angry. i cannot find myself.

i cannot pray. i cannot see god.

he was confused. he was grieving.

it is a skill, learned over many years.

through my hand, god lifts the damned from hell in his mercy to enact their penance on the earth as my soldiers.

well after you’ve had your blood, what will you do then?

i’ve been cruel. it’s a cruel world. maybe we do all deserve to die — but maybe we could be better, too.

revenge is good. bastards need punishing.

vampires. you like to play with your food.

sorry. it must look like blood, mustn’t it?

i seem to have some roasted chicken in here. i’m afraid there are no maggots on it — i can call the guard and ask him to get you some sprinkles.

we enjoy all the good things of life. it’d be silly not to, wouldn’t it? otherwise, well, why live forever, if you’re not going to live well?

why live forever, if you’re not going to live well?

it’s alright. i’m not here to cause you any more harm.

let’s just have something to eat, and talk.

well! wasn’t that fun!

i’m a diplomat, (name). i make peace. and because of that, people think i’m soft. people think i’m weak. you won’t make that mistake again, will you?

fetch!

don’t look at those.

how long have you been here on your own?

tell me i’m wrong.

i admit it, alright? it’s been amazing. but i also remember how hard it was to get here.

i wish you’d stop talking to me like i’m insane, (name).

we wear the mark of hell?

i confess i had doubts about you.

enough. move away.

quietly confident people are competent and careful. nervous people make mistakes.

i’d rather they were nervous than happy in their work.

stop pretending that this is anything other than what it is.

it’s not poisoned.

let’s talk about what you would like.

i — i don’t understand the question.

i wasn’t necessarily looking for a reward.

so, you would have died with your boots on.

but what if you’re lying to me?

oh, i don’t have to lie to you. i have no interest in faith. faith makes for terrible diplomacy.

i like the sound of your voice.

i mean, look at you. beaten down a dozen different ways, and you don’t give up on yourself.

what a monster i have become.

i cannot believe this is happening again.

why do i keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result?

am i mad?

what the hell are you doing with your life?

what the actual hell are you thinking?

you weren’t following me, were you?

somebody always needs something.

places have a strange way of catching back up with you.

and you know it wasn’t there yesterday?

oh. that’s worrying,

i want to see how good you are when it comes down to a blade.

i’m developing a taste for the rougher things in life.

i do not trust people, generally.

who did you lose?

a bird might think your penis was a twig and fly off with it.

good boy.

the thing is, (name), humans forget things. vampires don’t.

you have a lot to learn.

so dramatic. relax and enjoy the night.

alright, i admit it. that’s fantastic.

is this a trick? am i dreaming?

i had a feeling you might find it interesting.

can i see you tomorrow night?

that’s a depressing thought.

i hope i love long enough to find out how it ends.

we — we shouldn’t be … here.

take my hand! please!

i’m sure there must have been a time when i had nice dreams.

do you remember who you were?

i think it was a long time ago.

i gave up others so that i may live.

thank you for my second life.

it will take a very long time, and there are more important things to do.

i’m not going anywhere, (name).

it’s a little more complicated than that.

not an obvious thing to find in a church.

i don’t see why this would excite you so.

i fail to see why this should interest me.

you’re alone here?

i smell you.

i see you.

i’m just not as strong as i was.

there are worse things than betrayal.

i’m a simple man with simple pleasures.

oh, i do like meeting a professional killer.

keep a civil fucking tongue in your head when you’re addressing me, (name).

you can’t keep me here.

i can’t believe i tried to be nice to you.

why are you still awake?

can you not keep it down?

well, now i definitely need a drink.

he’s holding things back from us.

can it be after i’ve had a nap?

i’m not lazy. i conserve my resources for important

efforts.

i feel as if i’ve been led here.

we’re doomed.

i don’t have enough information yet.

i seem to have missed that epic part of your plan.

you’re being … kind.

alright, alright. no need to make a production out of it.

i’m simply not used to people being kind to me for no reason.

there’s not something you’re not telling me?

has night fallen already?

you didn’t hear me enter.

i’m presuming there’s some disturbing reason for that and i will regret asking.

so now we’re not all monsters?

diplomacy is compromise.

i get something, you get something.

i have all the power, and you’re a pretty man in a box.

i’m — i’m pretty?

i’ve been awake all day thinking about it.

i want to be let out.

that would be a direct betrayal.

you’d survive less than a day on your own.

i would die almost immediately.

uh, that wasn’t what i was expecting to hear.

i think we’ve made a terrible mistake.

god is no longer in that house.

sleep, you idiot.

maybe i should get a coffin to sleep in.

tell me you’re mine.

i’m yours.

tell me you belong to me.

i belong to you.

what the fuck is that?

i may have been on my own for too long.

another hopeful idea that died in its sleep.

(name), do you have my back?

you’re already dead.

why? why would you tell me this?

all this death and horror for that leech?

show me what i want to see, you fucking bastard!

i gave you everything.

the world is not against you.

i am not against you.

i never lied to you.

i just want to know what’s behind that door.

this could not have gone more wrong.

[local-redhead-bookworm]

Some of the people in the Stranger Things fandom are absolute boneheads. I don’t care about whatever degree in psychology you have, if you think an 18-year-old boy who

was abandoned by his mother and left to live with his abusive father

was actively being abused up until he got flayed

had clear abandonment issues

showed behaviors that could easily fall into anxiety and/or PTSD or CPTSD

was groomed by a woman old enough to be his mom

was possessed by the Mind Flayer and was robbed of all bodily autonomy

sacrificed himself for the first person to show him kindness and compassion

used his final words to apologize to his sister

deserves to die, then you didn’t pay enough attention in those psychology classes, you don’t understand how abuse shapes people and the different effects it can have, and you should never, ever be allowed to practice. You don’t deserve a license if you think someone is undeserving of help.

“He was racist” debatable. Dacre has expressly stated he didn’t play Billy as racist, in spite of the Duffers’ initial attempts to write him that way, the original script even including “a far nastier piece of language” in regard to Lucas. Even the Duffers aren’t 100% sure if Billy is racist. And if Billy is racist, this is a small conservative Midwest town in the 80s and Billy is a Californian. He’s definitely not the worst one there. Most importantly, racism is learned and can be unlearned.

“He’s abusive” highly unlikely. The most we see is him yelling at Max once and grabbing her wrist once. This is all just after a very sudden move too, which inevitably makes things strained between family members. Even Max says that Billy wasn’t behaving that way before the move. Also if he was as abusive as y’all say he is, she wouldn’t be flipping him off, back-talking him, snooping around his room, and talking about him like he’s her annoying gross older brother. If he were abusive, she would be more scared of him.

“He tried to run over the kids” do you really think he would have risked jail time? Really? If he had actually wanted to run them over, Max wouldn’t have been able to turn the wheel.

“He tried to get with a married woman” I think you mean that a grown woman with a husband and children was sexually interested in an underaged boy and pursued him for nine months, was willing to have sex with him as soon as he was legal, stalked him to the point of having his work schedule memorized, and showed up at his workplace just so she could ogle him. It doesn’t matter that Billy initiated the flirting, Karen is an adult and she knows better. She only backed out because she didn’t want to ruin her own cushy life by sleeping with Billy, not because she realized that sleeping with a boy young enough to be her son was wrong.

“He’s homophobic” he’s quite literally not. There’s zero indication of that. He’s actually one of only three characters to be called a homophobic slur (the other two being Will and Jonathan). You’re making things up now.

Your arguments are boring and baseless, and your treatment of anyone who likes Billy is abominable. The sheer amount of horrendous things I’ve seen my friends be called because they like Billy (racial slurs, victim blaming, weight shaming, suicide baiting, saying they deserved the abuse they experienced, wishing death and rape on them) is actually disgusting. Behave like civilized people, stay in your lane, and if something upsets you that much, don’t interact with it.

[hexagonalhavoc]

Hex characters pride month headcanons 

[Author’s Note: Happy pride month! I hope all of you have a good and safe month, I thought this would be fun to make. These are my own personal headcanons and won’t affect my writings, feel free to request any character with any gender!

Also sorry I’ve been gone lately, ya girl got her first job 😎]

Lionel: 

I feel like he grew up in a conservative family so he has some repressed feelings and views that he has to unlearn. 

I could see him being bi but being in denial about it for a very long time.

When his career starts to fail and he fades into obscurity that’s probably when he stops caring and becomes more open about who he is. 

It’s a shame he dies before he starts fully embracing it. 

Rip Lionel 😔

Carla: 

Carla is a lot more self aware and in tune with herself so she figures herself out pretty easily and when she does it’s not too much of a shock to her. 

I see her as being pansexual

Probably goes by she/they too. 

On her social media she’s super outspoken about it but irl she’s more on the down low.

Although she will talk about her love life in front of Lionel just to piss him off and rub in that she’s dated more girls than he has.

Reggie: 

He doesn’t care for much for labels. He doesn’t put much thought into it, he just likes who he likes. (Jeremiah)

Reggie is everyone’s supportive grandpa. Even if he doesn’t understand what one of his patrons may identify as he tries to learn and hears about their experiences. 

Honestly as long as the patrons are onboard with his revenge plan he doesn’t care who they are. 

As long as you can kill Lionel you’re loved and accepted in his inn. 

Jeremiah:

Pansexual demiromantic but if someone asks what his sexuality he just gives them the death stare because he hates talking about himself. 

He has a hard time opening up and working with people so you can probably imagine how long it takes him to become romantically interested in someone. 

It doesn’t help that he’ll most likely push away the people he cares about because as much as he wants it he’s still scared of being loved. 

Poor boy needs a hug 

Chef Bryce: 

Honestly I could see him being gay and just not realizing it. When he does realize it he’s pretty chill about it. 

I can imagine him taking break out of the oven and then all of the sudden he goes. “I might be gay.” And then moves on with his day. 

He hasn’t really had time to think about his feelings so he isn’t really sure and it’s probably going to take him forever to figure out what aligns best with him. 

Lazarus & Chandrelle:

Putting them together so I can say they’re t4t. 

Chandrelle is straight while Lazarus is pan. 

They seem like they would be judgmental but they really don’t care. They’re just living their own lives. 

And after everything they’ve been through I feel like they’re finally able to have a healthy relationship when Lionel is dead and they live in the real world.

Sado: 

Genderfluid pansexual who’s come to wreak havoc on the world. 

If someone were to ask what she identifies as she would tell them to “guess :)” 

Sado loves to shape shift so she’s constantly doing things to alter her appearance which includes gender fuckery. 

Irving: 

Aro ace but in denial about it. 

Even though he probably wouldn’t be in a relationship if he wasn’t aromantic it still stresses him out when he’s alone. 

He’d probably think queer platonic relationships are silly until he’s actually in one.

If he was a real person he’d be that person who brags about having a lot of sex when in reality he’s never been intimate with anyone and wants to keep it that way. 

First Person Perspective: 

No one really knows what he is including himself and he doesn’t really care that much. 

Everyone thinks he’s judgmental but he silently supports everyone. 

Rust McClain: 

I’ve seen some people headcanon him as bisexual and asexual and I can see that. 

Unlike Irving it’s not like he has a distaste for intimacies but it just isn’t his thing. 

Rust is pretty open about being bi too, he doesn’t really care who knows and it’s not something that bothers him. 

He’s the supportive father everyone deserves like it doesn’t matter what you are he’s got your back. 

Rebecha:

Very chill lesbian. 

If you’re friends with her you probably hear her make a lot of gay jokes but with strangers she doesn’t really say anything. 

I think her vibes give it away though. 

[anonzentimes]

hi zen!! o/

i am coming into ur inbox purely to tell you thank you for making an effort to become more active about your interests despite being scared bc it kinda helped push me to do the same thing? and i’ve been doing it for the past few months and OHH my god it’s so scary but also i’m having crazy levels of fun and i probably would not be nearly as far along with it as i am bc i’ve seen you do the same thing. it’s really cool to me !! um so i’m Being Brave and sending you a little appreciation ask off anon bc it is 2 in the morning so i do not have the energy to be scared !!! and also i think it’s really really good to celebrate being authentic in our interests and such :3 so thank you <33

to include something on-theme with the blog um um i !!! am also a big nagito komaeda fan !! he’s my favorite little guy !! hajime too but in an “ough he’s just like me fr” way. i enjoy komaeda so much that i’m going to be playing him in my next dnd campaign and nobody knows it’s him except for my DM who is complicit in keeping it a secret from my party members >:] i want them to realize at some point mid-campaign i think it’d be really funny. also that same DM has made an npc who is secretly just izuru kamukura and i’m gonna get to have a romance arc!!! and i’m very excited about it :] MORAL OF THE STORY share your interests with your friends bc they’ll happily enable you lmao <3

ok that is all. have a nice day or night or afternoon \(//∇//)\

HELLO???? YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HEARTWARMING THIS IS AHHHHAHA <33 I'm so touched by the fact I can make a positive impact I'm really happy to hear it. I think unlearning shame or just becoming less anxious with even small things like interests is one of the best things you can experience in life, or at least it has been for me. It's really relieving and being able to just simply enjoy things is an entire major reason to live for me. It's sort of funny I never really expected or intended on having audiences, other than Youtube because well yeah, but I get attention for being authentic and unapologetically myself which apparently I've been told is contagious LOL. It's just kind of how I am and to know people can be positively impacted by that is really nice. I've always been like this but now I have the words to express myself and the mentality to not feel much shame or anxiety over it, again, it's incredibly relieving. Anyways, mostly just being sentimental and saying thank you for sending a little appreciation thing haha! I have trouble understanding I can have an impact sometimes, it's definitely a snap back to reality when something undeniable confirming my presence happens Lol.

HELP IT'S REALLY FUNNY TO ME THAT I SOMEHOW ENDED UP JUST MAKING THIS THE NAGITO BLOG.... IT WASN'T EVEN PLANNED I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN MY THOUGHTS... but I mean, guess that just goes to show how much he IS my thoughts lol. Anyways, totally agree Hajime's definitely a "oh he's so me fr fr" type of character and GOD. GOD I WOULD DO THAT IF I PLAYED DND TOO HONESTLY.... LMAOO THE IDEA OF GETTING STARTLED BY NAGITO IS SO FUNNY... a Romance Arc sounds really cute too!! I hope you have fun with it, sounds like a great experience! Sharing interests with friends is wonderful, and overall I think if loved ones don't enable your interests that's like a red flag to me a bit.

[bratprincedyke]

your going from femme to butch makes so so so much sense and it helped me put together the last few pieces of whatever this thing im doing with my gender is. also your clothes are cool your boots are sexy and your tats are hot have a nice day <3

Thank you, I’d like to say something about this,

After flirting with my own butch womanhood for over 12 years, needless to say this has been a long and tiresome butch journey, I won’t go into details of my previous attempts to let the butch in my heart be free, but I’m glad I finally had the courage to see the journey through to this point, further than I’ve ever gotten before,

It was grounding myself as a femme dyke and falling in love with an unapologetic butch that allowed me to fall in love with female masculinity again through my partner

Soon I began to appreciate the butch in my own heart, I loved her and nurtured her and let her come and go in waves and slowly started making decisions for myself to align better with her and let her be free, finally I couldn’t hide from her anymore, I couldn’t run from her and I didn’t want too, I worked hard to unlearn all the shame, all the pain and anguish that drove a wedge between what was me and what was her until eventually looked in the mirror and the butch looked back, I can’t turn back this time, she is me and I will never turn my back on her again

Thank you for this incredible message, I think it’s important to share this experience because there are so few of us, we need all the community and connection we can get

[hopesandmountains]

I think people underestimate the idea of a safe space.

For people who have a troubled home life and a stressful job, there seems to be no escape.

And if you are battling emotional trauma or illness, one of the main ways to heal is to let yourself be vulnerable and relieve/feel that pain.

And if you don’t have a safe place at home and if you don’t have a safe place with friends, you will try to carry that pain for as long as possible before the burden gets too heavy and you have to unload some of emotions/vulnerability onto whoever.

And this is where I’ve seen so many people fall into a cycle, where they trust the wrong people who only traumatize them more. Which makes everything worse and causing unhealthy coping mechanisms and defense strategies that pushes everyone else away. And one of the types of people who aren’t pushed away are people who don’t care about boundaries and are seeking out vulnerable people, who will just traumatize and abuse you more until they can break you down.

And this is such an awful cycle to go through.

And the fear of being in that situation (or being in that situation again) causes you not to trust people. And this is where people either stay in isolation, or they try and find a way to move forward.

One of the key things to learn is how to discern against people you can trust and people you can’t. And that takes having boundaries. If someone lies or manipulated or puts you down or is just flat out self serving that should be a massive red flag. And sure you can try and give people second chances, sometimes trauma responses trigger when there really is not actual danger or threat.

But this is also why it’s important to take things slow.

As much as you want to find a quick solution, and seeing everyone else quickly jumping into relationships, you have to give yourself time to clearly see the situation.

One major red flag is when someone will try to rush the process along.

Entering a new relationship can trigger all sorts of fears and insecurities and vulnerability. And this can make you fragile and a little unsure of yourself. And this is where bad people can rush you before you can really grasp what’s going on and sink their teeth into you and get you attached before you really realize what’s going on.

And that’s scary.

Some people will stay in denial, some people can’t handle the extra trauma so they avoid it and ignore what’s going on, which leads to them going back because they are in denial about what’s wrong.

And part of the problem is since childhood they’ve been taught to ignore that feeling of everything being wrong (parents will argue and fight and maybe even be abusive, and then deny anything is wrong and claim they have a happy home life).

So they ignore that feeling of something being wrong and stay. And then get to a point where it’s just too tough to leave so they stay longer.

And yes this is tragic.

But it’s also never too late to break the cycle and more importantly for a lot of people it’s not too late to avoid that cycle.

There are people out there you can trust.

And you don’t have to treat everything like a ticking time bomb, you can learn to trust people slowly and have a wide social support net.

Really the key is unlearning.

People mimic their relationships around what they know, and their family, family friends, some of their own friends from childhood, toxic situations they’ve been in or see from social media.

And it’s just so difficult for people to tell something is wrong when they’ve never been taught.

They carry a deep shame within them so refuse to open up to people, and have abandonment issues and insecurities, so they see rejection when there is none.

And that mental trap they’ve built for themselves is so strong.

And when they sense rejection they pull away or have defense mechanisms, which push most people looking for healthy relationships away since all they see is someone pulling away or acting out.

But it’s also important to realize that most people are understanding.

If you can tell them what’s going on and communicate that. Tell them you need time but you want to make things work. A lot of people will work with you.

And the ones that don’t, well that’s okay, you want to open up to someone safe and that’s someone who will be understanding.

And that takes personal work.

Learning how to communicate your feelings and needs really isn’t easy, especially when you yourself are unsure of what those even are.

And quite frankly there will be people out there that just aren’t for you.

And you will have to work on your abandonment response because you will have to be okay with that if you ever are going to find the right person for you.

And you will have to believe that there is someone out there for you during this time of pain and insecurity.

But there’s always hope.

And there’s always good people out there.

It just may take work to get there and to do so safely for you.

And that’s okay

Take things slowly and one step at a time.

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

dear mootie I read your post and I'm sorry you feel that way :'( I don't really care that much what people will think about me for posting soichello but I see where you're coming from and it sucks, it's not right. Fandom should be the place ppl go to have fun not get bullied or bully others. I've also sort of ridiculed the ship (& myself for enjoying it) at times but only jokingly.. like, that's lowkey part of the package for me, and I thought it was the same for other shippers too. I never considered it might've influenced others negatively, and if that's the case I wanted to apologize. I hope this situation gets better for you, honestly i don't see how anyone could be mad at you, deprecation or otherwise.. liking stuff, even niche ass things, is not the problem, the 'climate' on the internet is.

Anyway, just know that if u want I have soichello art and bad memes ready send and I'm down to talk abt those two absolutely whenever ok? Ofc u don't have to answer this but lmk c: (Also sorry I'm like. physically unable to send asks off anon💀 hope you don't hate me💀💀)

Omg hi um. I’m not quite sure how to respond to this, but first of all: thank you. I actually really appreciate this. Like I don’t think I could put into words how much I appreciate this.

I feel like I should say that I do make fun of practically every pairing I ship. It, too, is apart of the package for me like it is for you. I guess the problem with what I tend to do with soichello is kind of like. Clinging onto the irony of it/ridiculing it to the point where I actually feel mean. I’ve never taken anyone else making fun of the pairing to heart (because, taking everything about them in canon into consideration, it is objectively a little ridiculous), but I suppose I’m so aware of the fact that I have the potential to make others feel negatively that I take what I say to heart, and feel so much more horrible (And in the end I kind of attempt to balance the deprecation so that I negatively affect as little people as possible. I know you can’t please everyone but goddamn do I try 😭😭). But anyways I doubt you’ve negatively impacted anybody, reflecting on the post a day later I think this was just me being paranoid tbh.

It’s been super hard for me to unlearn the shame I have surrounding certain interests of mine, but seeing other people enjoy them makes it so much easier.

PLEASE feel free to send me art/memes/anything soichello related literally whenever. I should mention that I am absolutely AWFUL in one on one conversations and am like. Almost physically incapable of initiating conversations myself (this also ties into my fear of being perceived negatively lol). But if it means I get to talk about them I will try so very hard.

(Also don’t worry about the anon thing, I totally get it!! I usually default to anon myself (although it depends on what the ask is/why I’m sending it), and I definitely don’t hate you.)

[here2bbtstrash]

✨ announcement: the trash library is OPEN! ✨

hi babes!!! exciting news for you today - we are TRYING A THING!!!

for a little context, this idea came about because i’ve deeply enjoyed getting introduced to some amazing new authors since i’ve started up my fic rec fridays this year! in addition, i get so very excited whenever someone shares something they wrote with me, whether it’s via a tag or a DM. i know firsthand how much vulnerability it takes to share something you've written, so it means the world, genuinely!!! i love getting to read and share y'all's works in this little community 🥺

but! as a person with wicked adhd, i have a hard time keeping up with sent fics when they’re all over the place- buried in my notes, forgotten about in my likes, conversed over in DMs. and then i never read them and feel bad, lol. so i thought we could try a new system!!

all this is to say: i now officially have a tracked tag!! that's right, we are building ourselves a #trashlibrary y’all!! ~party party yeah~ 🥳

join me under the cut for allllll the fun details!! 📚

what is a tracked tag? 📖 it’s just a regular ol' hashtag that you can add to a post (the same way you’d tag #bts fanfic or #jungkook x reader or anything else!) - but this is one i am personally following! that means i'll see everything in the tag and it'll make it much easier for me to keep track of it all, so that i can read all your delicious writing!

so how does this work? 📖 as far as i understand this magical mystical website, you’ll have to stick the #trashlibrary tag on any new post in order for it to show up in the tag. new posts only, unfortunately; editing or reblogging an old post and adding the tag on it won’t work. BUT! if you’ve got a brand new fic to post and you’d like for me to check it out, you can slap that baby at the end of your tags and officially add it to the trash library!!! it will need to be within the first 20 tags in order to actually show up in tumblr search, so pls keep that in mind! 🧐

what should go in the #trashlibrary tag? 📖 i’d like to keep it to written fanfiction specifically about bts, but other than those basic parameters, the world is your oyster! to make things easy, here’s a shortlist of stuff i enjoy in fics - if you write anything featuring ANY of the following, i would LOVE to see it show up in the trash library (but feel free to stick other stuff in there too!):

any member x reader (does my jihope preference need to be explicitly stated at this point 🤣), any combinations of member x member, ANYTHING with queer characters/themes or a diverse reader, POLYAMORY, group sex, HEALTHY kink (well-communicated & safe), unlikeable/flawed/complex characters, role play 🤤, ORAL!!!!!, dom/sub dynamics (preferably soft 🥺), overstim, SEX TOYS, ……cheating 🙈, drug use, sex work, anal play/pegging, experimental sex (trying something for the first time), unlearning shame around the human body and pleasure, forced proximity, hatefucking 😬, darker/more mature themes, semi-public sex, characters that are both horny for and enamored with one another lmao

i do also enjoy myself some tooth-rotting fluff or heartbreaking angst, i’m just less specific about my preferences there 😂 tagged works can be as short as a drabble or as long as you like, and literally ANYONE can use this tag - doesn't matter if it's your first fic or your hundredth, doesn't matter if we're besties or if we've never even so much as talked thru reblogs lmao. i’m up for it all!

will you read and review everything in the tag? 📖 i want to make sure this is explicitly clear from the jump. using this tag is the best way to ensure that i read and possibly review your work, but it is not a guarantee or promise that i will do either. not every fic is for me (WHICH IS FINE AND GOOD ACTUALLY, otherwise the world would be full of nothing but yucky porn 😂) and in addition: i’m just one person, with a whole-ass life, you know?

i will do my absolute best to keep up with this tag, and i'm very excited about it! but i kind of have no idea how much use it will see, and i may very well not be able to get to it all. what i can tell you is that i am much much much more likely to see your stuff if it’s in this tag, vs. lost in some other place that i have already forgotten about because i have 3 brain cells and 0 object permanence lmao.

by using this tag, you are telling me that you have read and understood this disclaimer, and that you can handle your emotions like a grown adult if i miss your fic, or even if it just takes me a while to get to it 💜

okay that's it! 🥺 i hope y'all are pumped - i know i'm excited to see what kind of goodies our library fills up with!!! see you in the stacks 😉

[tadpolesonalgae]

Body Talk

Warnings: talking about physical bodies, bmi weight, body talk

Okay, I’m not used to doing this but it’s honestly been hitting me so hard recently and It’s making me angry. I’ve been biting my tongue for a couple of months now because I don’t want to force my opinions on the people who will read this - I don’t want that to be the point of my account. I don’t know if it’s because summer’s on the way so I’m more aware of my body and how others talk about it, but it’s relating to ‘positivity’, and how some people seem to just miss the point of it entirely and end up doing more harm than good.

For me, the whole point of body positivity is enabling people to accept themselves as they are. The whole, “you’re perfect no matter what” feels toxic. It’s diverting attention away from accepting people’s natural form and instead perpetuating the cycle of focusing on the unattainable goal of perfection. Loving yourself and your body is about being who you are instead of trying to convince yourself you’re pretty or beautiful no matter what. Part of body positivity is accepting that some people won’t see you as physically attractive and that’s okay because it’s your goddamn body and that is not its purpose.

I don’t want to make this too long so I’ll try and get straight to the point. Some of you might disagree so please just hear my explanation before you jump to a conclusion. My asks are open if you want to talk more about this or feel I’m being unfair at all.

Anyone can suffer from body dysphoria, and this is not limited to fat/overweight people as commonly portrayed in some media. It includes those who are skinny/underweight, and those who have a healthy BMI. Telling a skinny person they need to eat more or telling a fat person they need to eat less can be equally toxic, and this is not limited to the previously mentioned body descriptions (telling a skinny person to eat less, telling a fat person to eat more, commenting on someone’s diet regardless of their weight, etc.). In both cases there can be underlying health factors that come into play regarding their physical body, and criticising how they look - even if you think you’re helping - is not it.

Personally, while there is still a lot to unlearn in terms of how a female/male/general body ‘should look’, and much more to improve upon relating to not being toxic or shaming anyone for their figure, some people get too caught up in taking that in one specific direction.

There are people out there who think being physically unhealthy is limited to being overweight, and there are some people out there who will support body positivity until it’s someone who doesn’t fit into their selected aesthetic, trying to become comfortable with themself.

Saying things like, “that doesn’t look healthy”, “you should eat more”, “you should eat less” can massively impact a person and it goes both ways. Anyone can experience body dysphoria even if, to you, they have an ideal figure and there’s nothing for them to be insecure about.

Please, for the love of god, I would like people to be more aware about the language they use and how they can inadvertently be putting people down while raising others up.

[ignorethisemma]

Dream support and appreciation

not that this post will reach anyone at all, let alone someone willing to read a dream defense essay, but in light of all the dream negativity lately, i just want to clearly express why i support and love his content and also respect him so much as an actual human being. LONG thread btw, sorry 😵‍💫

1. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY! dealing with controversies

nobody’s born woke, obviously. dream’s open about the fact that he was a middle class white boy who grew up in florida; of course he was going to be raised somewhat conservatively and not very exposed to diverse perspectives. and of course through his years of creating content—since when he was a child—he has done and said plenty of things i don’t agree with or even just think he could’ve handled a little bit better. but that’s not the deal breaker for me.

dream never shies away from apologizing and taking full accountability for his actions, even the ones from years and years in the past. and sure, sometimes you can tell it’s difficult for him to own up, but that’s human, and i honestly can’t fault him at all for it. but what really sealed the deal for me was that hasan abi stream—hasan, who’s actually so woke lol, and they’d had tension on twitter until dream decided to come on stream and talk it all out. in that ONE stream, you could actually see dream actively growing and expanding his perspective and shape his views and opinions?? i don’t think he gets enough credit for this at all.

when i outgrow my old and often misguided beliefs, it is an active and constant battle. i have to convince myself and consciously choose to let my old beliefs go, and with that, a lot of my pride and stubbornness, and mould and shape and mould and shape until i eventually am able to accept that i’ve grown for the better. it is a long, difficult, sometimes painful and humiliating process. i need time; to unlearn, to let go, to swallow my pride and deal with the shame of having been wrong, to introspect and then talk it through and hear from people whose opinions i trust, and then finally realize my new opinions. dream was doing this in a huge platform, with the pressure of his status and in front of a live audience that was ready to pick him apart in ONE stream. he was listening to and learning from hasan. it was difficult, but it was happening, and you can actually see the moments he lets his defensiveness go (which i also can’t fault him for considering his internet reception) and really grow into his thoughts more. i don’t think i could do that now—nevermind if i was a white boy from florida.

and you can see how much dream continues to progress and grow and change so quickly! i can’t even compare him to who he was last year or the year before, because that’s how fast he’s growing and learning. that’s the moment i gained so much respect for him. and i see this so often in a lot of his online presence. sure, he’s not perfect, and i have no doubt there’ll be more moments i don’t entirely agree with him, but how can i hold that against him when i can’t imagine anything that could be as deserving of respect as this is? when it’s undeniable that he is purposefully taking advantage of his platform to educate and better himself?

2. not rlly smthn he specifically did, ig, but his views on sexuality made me lose it

i won’t go too much into it, but his views on sexuality and also just, relationships with close friends. i’m just so grateful to him. i’m a lesbian, but i do have some turbulence with my sexuality, identity, how others perceive me or their idea on how sexuality should work. but the way dream approaches his and also clearly explains his views when he’s comfortable really helped shape and develop my own views on mine. when he said it’s hard for him to identify with even one label a little bit more than another, because he feels it’s so much more complex than that and he doesn’t know how to compress it to just one word—something slipped out of place in me.

i won’t talk about all the nuances of my current perceptions on sexuality, mine or as a whole, but i respect him so much for this, and it was absolutely heartbreaking when every attempt dream’s made at seriously addressing his sexuality has been met with the assumption of insincerity. i honestly see a lot of similarities in our outlooks and situations in all of this, and i’m just so grateful and appreciative of him for helping me get a stronger footing of who i am.

3. he’s just a silly, goofy little guy

he’s just so fun and entertaining to watch. i love him, i love his friends, i love watching them dick around with each other. i love how close they are. and i’m so excited to see more of it now in the new era. his videos are so funny and i always look forward to them. simple as that.

4. i have a dumb little cat who reminds me a lot of patches. i have a parasocial relationship with patches specifically. my cat, too, drools on me when she’s sleepy and is a little challenged in the braincells apartment. patches my shining star

anyway that’s it i just wanted to get this out there. i have a lot on my mind and it’s been really hard to see a creator i care about get dragged so much both online and by people i know. i just need to defend my boy a little here—especially since i’ve long thought he’s been held to a ridiculous standard and pedestal and is kinda undeservingly the easy punch for so many online communities. so: i love u dream, i’m so proud of u for face revealing, i’m so proud of you for a lot more than just face revealing, and i’m so excited to see what comes next. (also my best friend and i guessed pre-reveal u’d kinda look like sapnap but just in a different font and i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry but i think we kinda nailed that one. it’s like papyrus to garamond istg. but that’s just confirmation that now there’s three pretty best friends <3)

[violentviolette]

Do you have any tips on making friends as someone with aspd+npd? I’ve tried without success. If I do befriend someone, it lasts for a few months at best.

i think there's a few kind of tricks to it and a little bit of unlearning societal bullshit and a lot a bit of checking ourselves and the reality of our behavior

for me, it helped to first understand what kind of person i am in friendships, and what im looking for in others. having a real good understanding of what u want out of a friendship and how u function in one helps to be able to better know if u and someone else are going to be compatible right from the start

for example, i struggle to initiate conversations. if left on my own i will message someone maybe once or twice a week at most. not because i don't like them or dont value them, but just because my brain doesnt think a lot of thoughts on its own. but i do like to talk to others a lot, i just need someone else to initiate the conversation and give me a thought to build off of. because of this i tend to look for people who naturally talk a lot. who have a lot of thoughts and like to share them and dont mind if someone doesnt message them first. all 3 of the people who are closest to me have adhd and LOVE to infodump and pop into my messages with facts or thoughts or something they saw and so our friendships are well balanced, they like to begin conversations and i like to continue them. we both accept and value one another for our different natures and arent looking for something the other cant give

figuring out what ur ideal friendship looks like helps u realize and identify where ur priorities should be. what are u looking for in another person? what do u want to do together? ideally what does ur day to day interactions look like? what kind of support and level of investment are u looking for from them? what are u capable of and willing to give in return? for cluster b pds this also has the added benefit of helping us kind of check ourselves. is what we're looking for from someone else unhealthy or unreasonable? is the amount we're willing to give in return unreasonably low? if we want more from others, we must give more of ourselves in return, are we avoiding doing this and putting in that investment because we're allowing our disordered feelings to guide us? a big secret to making good friends is being one. good people who will treat u properly and be there for u and invest in ur friendship long term are not going to stick around if u arent giving that in return. and often because of our disorders we allow our delusional feelings and warped/unhealthy worldview to guide us. we inflate our own worth while downplaying theirs and think we're giving way more than we actually objectively are, while asking for an unreasonable amount in return. if people seem like they invest very little in us and leave us quickly, if it feels like other people are always the problem, there's a good chance its because we arent giving the amount of investment we need to or have too unreasonable of expectations to actually sustain a healthy relationship. the problem oftentimes is very much us, and we need to acknowledge that without shame and judgement in order to fix it. it doesnt make u an irredeemably bad person, but it does mean u have to fix that if u want to give urself a better chance at success

i also think a big thing that no one tells u is that like, ur going to burn through a lot of people looking for the right ones. its a process of elimination. u meet 10 people, become casual friends with 5 of them, and over the course of time, around 3-4 of them will drop off and u'll be left with 1 or 2 people who stick around longer, and that cycle repeats for as long as ur putting urself out there. and the longer time goes on, the more friends u will "lose" or have drop off, and thats a perfectly normal and natural thing. it takes time to build that core group of people who end up staying in our lives. its also very normal to end up with none sometimes and have to start from scratch, big shifts in our lives or big periods of change and growth oftentimes mean shedding old friend groups. it's very normal to completely start over with a whole new group of friends after things like high school, college, moving out, during recovery, after getting sober, ect. ect. and its normal when ur a young adult in ur early 20s to be changing friends a lot as u figure out who u are and what works for u in the 31 years i have been alive, ive made and kept 4 deep lasting friendships. i've lost 10 times that if we're counting everyone ive ever made friends with but eventually stopped talking to. so viewing it that way and understanding that its natural for ur friends to shift throughout ur life and for it to take time to find people who u can have meaningful and lasting relationships with i think helps take some of that pressure off. so dont sweat it too much, but take this time to really ask urself some introspective questions and decide what kind of person u want to be, if ur actions truly align with that person, and what kind of people u want in ur life. it helps a lot in the long run

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

I’ve been talking about unlearning gender essentialism the last couple weeks in therapy, and how much that weird mix of gender essentialism/radfems on tumblr/sexuality microlabels/tiny label boxes/queer binarism/internalized biphobia and internalized butchphobia (basically antimasculism beliefs, in general) really fucked me up.

…and now it’s all back again, some odd 5-8 years later, because you can’t repress everything forever, I guess.

I’m drawing about it to process. I showed what I’ve made so far to my therapist, and we talked about it most of the session yesterday. I’ve talked to N about it very briefly, and want to show it to them when I’m done, or maybe as I go.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m getting through it and processing it and all that shit, but it’s really fucking hard. With being stressed about it and basically feeling bad a lot, my numbers keep being in the 300’s— or at least, they have been/were when we were having emotional flashbacks and being triggered about it. (Forgot to tell my therapist that part. She’s all “it’s really good that you’re processing this!” And I’m like “yeah! (Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?)”.)

I keep trying to remember that we’ve gotten past that time period and we’re in a safer, less dangerous place now, and that we’re doing this because it’s important to us, and it’ll help us heal. And that, you know, masculinity isn’t bad and it’s not ‘better’ to try to fit in at the risk of being miserable. (It’s not working very much, but we’re here.)

All this is to say: unlearning shame and that you’re a bad person for being yourself is really fucking hard. I’m working on it. I’m also trying to figure out how to relax about all of this. Will probably angry-post about radfem shit later. And, lastly but not leastly, I’m very grateful to N for them being kind and supportive of me, and liking/wanting to be with me anyways, and to my friends (hi!!) for also loving me and seeing me through all of this and being kind and supportive too.