Ruikasa posting that got away from me (again). You guys can’t be mean to me pandemonium is on engsekai in like five days. don’t blame me blame colopale.
Ruikasa is very interesting for me 2 think abt wrt rui and his hang ups bc Rui is very single-minded in going after what interests him - he taught himself robotics/engineering/a million other things, he pursued directing on his own, he would rather stick to his own paths and do what he wants to do instead of do what would make him more palatable to his peers
Rui: I wouldn't be expending my energy on something I don't intend on doing.
Tsukasa: Yes. That's the kind of person you are. You wouldn't be doing something if you didn't really want to...
Rui: right?
(Wonder Halloween)
(Area dialogue)
I don’t feel like hunting down every instance of kids around him going “we don’t want to play with you because it’s dangerous/we think you’re weird” I think I’ve done that enough times. But my point with those instances is that he valued what he loved over attempting to become someone who would fit in.
Desiring to connect with a person beyond the level of just friendship/wanting to know way more about someone is different than studying & learning a subject though, bc it’s
1) typically a two way street in that it’s reliant on the other person to want to share things and want to connect with you in return
2) also reliant on you not fucking up the relationship, which is pretty easy to do if you come out guns blazing like “hey you fascinate me & I want to know what makes you tick. And also everything else about you.”
Both points being something rui has zero experience with. Which is also why I think he opted to ask other people about tsukasa instead of talking to him directly.
(Kaito initial 2*)
(Area conversation)
He’s still very curious about Whatever The Fuck is up with tsukasa tenma but he’s obviously pursuing knowledge a little less intensely/overtly than he does for other stuff
(After talking about movie directing techniques) Director Ohara: … Well, that might not be useful to you as someone who’s aiming to become a stage director.
Rui: …No.
Rui: I’d rather be taught more specific techniques.
Director Ohara: …Huh?
Rui: What I want to create is a show that everyone can enjoy regardless of any limits.
Rui: In order to make that dream come true, I want to learn about direction in all kinds of media.
Director Ohara: …Oh?
Rui: That’s why I want to absorb any ideas and ways of thinking from any field.
Rui: All of the methods you know — please teach them to me.
(Backlight lens flare - TL haruka’s penguin)
All of that to say Rui is very clearly interested in learning more about Tsukasa, but also (imo) very wary of overstepping any social boundaries that would damage their current relationship.
He mentions that he tended to rely on shows to connect to other people around him in Pandemonium -
Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.
Rui: As I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.
Rui: Now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others.
Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.
(Pandemonium - TL tsukasa’s #3 fan)
- which is also the event where he & tsukasa connect more *outside* of shows, and the event that both he and tsukasa acknowledge as an event that made them grow a lot closer. (more recent connect live, wrt them talking abt performing fixer, iirc. I hate to “source: trust me” but we’ve reached my limit for hunting down sources & it’s finding a tweet from forever ago where someone translated what they were talking about)
Anyways. Sorry. I just love that quote & what it says about Rui. I’ll spare you the “directing as a one way street/settling for the closest thing to a connection/laughing *alongside* others instead of providing a show for the audience to laugh at (ensekai if you change that specific sentiment I’ll be so mad)” thoughts. Back to the original point.
It’s interesting to think about how rui’s hang ups wrt friendships and his very intense curiosity/very determined pursuit of knowledge on the subjects that interest him intersect. Like. Before this point, whenever he was interested in something he could just go online and read everything he needed to know and satisfy his curiosity to his heart’s content.
Having to both navigate something completely foreign and pump the brakes on obsessively learning everything he can would be a novel experience for Rui. To say the least. “If I pursue this with as much intensity as I do with any other endeavor I am going to fuck something up (he is suffering)” kind of situation.
Being interested in a *person* is so much different & so much trickier and scarier to navigate. Especially with how much Rui values his relationship to Tsukasa as someone Who Matches His Freak.
and with Rui’s whole “I should be satisfied with what I have and if I’m not then it’s because I’m greedy/selfish” :
Rui: (… Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)
(…)
Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that — let me think of one.)
Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)
(Curtain call - TL Arven Oven & tsukasa’s #3 fan)
(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows with wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.
(World link - TL haruka’s penguin)
I think Rui’s approach to it would be very “I’m asking for more when I already have a great friendship I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything” which, tbf, would be his reaction wrt having feelings for literally anyone, not just tsukasa. However. Since this is a ruikasa post. unfortunately. I will say that what would be exclusive to Tsukasa is “he’s already given me so much and I still want more… I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything.” Rui is dramatic like that.
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:( patheticposting
nearly literally reduced to tears rn by how overwhelmingly it feels like nobody cares what I make or like or think about and how meaningless any of my creativity and love and effort is
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