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mulders-too-large-shirt · 2 months ago

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s7 episode 15 “en ami” thoughts

it’s a wonderful day. sunny, raining on and off. my window is open. to be honest, i am in such a pleasant mood.

i don’t really feel like dealing with CSM’s shenanigans on such a peaceful evening. but i do crave scully time. and this is where i have left off, and so it is where i must resume the journey.

i never know what to think with CSM episodes. i kinda just assume he’s always lying about everything. it saves time. and lately, he has been annoying me even more than he was before, after the whole biogenesis thing.

but that doesn’t mean the episode will be bad. it just means that i have been noticing patterns.

i wonder what he wants with scully….?

post-episode thoughts: absolutely gagged that CSM can write a BANGER episode. did he have a previous life as a screenwriter? or just such a deep connection to the character that he played that it poured out of him and into the script? and also into the other characters he has come to know so well? because mulder had some HEART-WRENCHING moments here!

they should have let these actors write more, omg... think about what we could have had.....!

a "scully gets tempted by the devil" episode is most pleasing to me! dwell on her character! contemplate evil and the capacity for redemption that lies in all of us- or the utter lack thereof! no one is immune to temptation! but to what end?! why would he do this? just to get into her head?! a new angle of mulder torture? did mulder torture get boring after 7 years?

ah, all big and excellent questions. but we must go back to yesterday, when i knew nothing about what i was getting into. take it away, past me:

let’s find out.

we open with a thunderstorm in virginia- at a place called goochland. this jason child is being held in the back of a car by someone i assume to be his mother.

they’re pulling in somewhere, and as he repeats that words will never hurt him, they are met by a mob of people. someone holds an “i love you jason” sign. do they expect someone to bully him?

people are pounding on the car windows windows, and a reporter asks him how he feels. someone else has a sign that says “your faith is not an excuse to” but i can’t read the rest. what is this little boy getting into?

the cops tell them they can come out, and lead them into their house. he is getting tucked into bed.

there’s a glass of water, a bell, and what looks like a gun next to his pillow. i hope i'm wrong, because he looks about 9 years old, and having a gun when you're 9 is a very bad idea.

the poor kid is sweating. he must be sick. his mom says goodnight and then his dad talks to him. “maybe you think those people outside are right- that we should take you to the hospital and let the doctors treat you” <- ohhhh what, is this a child abuse situation? he says that if they do that, his body may feel better, but his soul won’t, because god gave him this illness, and he must deliver the boy.

holy fuuuuuuck. well. no wonder there were people protesting. they’re trying to save him!!

i've never understood that line of rationalization from religious extremists....... but perhaps no one is supposed to.

at 2 am, there is a storm banging on their windows. it wakes jason up as lights flash outside. he walks into the light. mysterious music plays. people walk up to him.

and before we can see who they are, it’s intro time. damn.

as always, more questions are raised than answered, just as designed.

get dancing!!! oooo, very short intro. the truth is out there!!!!

scully is in her apartment, wearing a turtleneck. i saw someone point out how vulnerable she looks without her big suits and i now pay more attention to these things, because it is true. she is grabbing a jacket and opening the door. there’s a newspaper outside, which probably isn’t too unusual, right? but it also could be a message.

the front page says that a “miracle ends controversy”, so that must have been what the lights were about at the kid's house. she looks around. closes the door and heads to the office.

mulder is reading a paper, his feet up on the desk. he softly says good morning (everybody say "aww!"), and then tells her the story he has in his hands will warm “the cockles of your heart”, which is a crazy thing to say. she’s like yeah…. i've heard about this jason kid.

his parents refused treatment on religious grounds, and then he was healed. scully explains that sometimes spontaneous remission happens- she is walking proof, after all- but he clarifies he’s more concerned about the messenger than the healing. who emailed him this story? someone from the government?

and how did she hear about it? from a newspaper she doesn’t subscribe to… left at her door, and no one else's in her apartment... hmm!

WAIT, HOLD ON, I SEE THE CREDITS... CSM WROTE THIS EPISODE??? oh, i’m sat….

mulder says someone wants them on this case- “it’s not a case, mulder” “not yet”- and he scurries off to DARPA to investigate. what is DARPA again? allow me to rewind.

“defense advanced research projects agency” <- ohhhh, right right. yeah, tbh, i have never heard of that before. if they made this up for the show i wouldn’t know the difference. he tells her to investigate.

“i’ve just gotta know if it was roma downey or della reese” <- i do not know who these people are. my guess is victoria’s secret angels? that seems like the sort of saucy thing mulder would reference on the job. let’s look up one of them.

OH! they were actresses on a long-running show where they played angels. very interesting. 90’s culture… i have so much to learn about you. well! now i know. and i have further confirmation that mulder is a big nerd.

back in goochland, scully is on the case. she knocks at the door of the family. who are named the mcpecks, btw. and the child ruuuuuns up to her, LMAO, she looks a bit taken aback by his sudden appearance. BAHAHA, her face. he explains that he feels good, just a little out of breath. LMAOOOOOOO, kids are so funny. but i still feel bad for this poor boy. what's gonna happen when he gets measles or something?

“you’re looking at god’s work” declares his father. then they all talk about exalting his name and repeat “praise the lord”. it's very creepy.

scully asks what the angels looked like- i notice she doesn't have her necklace on like usual. jason says they looked like men, and they came from the sky in a ball of light. this little kid is so cuuuute. this better not be some CSM plot to kill him!!!

then one of them pinched him kind of hard and he was better. OHHHHHH, he gestures to the base of his neck…. she’s gagged. she looks and finds a fresh scar. YIKES.

a scar on the base of the neck, much like a half-smoked cigarette, can only mean ONE THING on this show.

she walks back to her car, where CSM is smoking inside!!! a dramatic musical flourish!!! how did he get there?!

“what the hell are you doing?” “god’s work, what else?” <- OHHH, this man had been CHOMPING at the bit to write an episode, i can tell from that line alone. he was saying please please please please? and finally someone said okay, fine. and he ran with that opportunity.

“get out of my car” “i’d hoped for more accommodation for the man who saved that young boy’s life… and yours” <- OH, are we going to be addressing how that happened? i liked that it was kind of just a mystery chip that could also be interpreted as a miracle thing, tbh, especially since that point in the cancer arc was when we dove into scully's faith the most- but i’m open to a new perspective

scully tells him to gtfo. he weaponizes her curiosity. a terrible thing to do to someone as naturally curious as agent scully. and he confesses to leaving the newspaper at her door, sending the email to mulder, and the elaborate demonstration of healing this boy.

OHHH, he says he’s dying!!!!

brief break because i hear a bird out my window. it’s a hawk!!! cool.

okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming. he’s dying. she swallows. he claims he wants to make right, and share this secret, give the cure to millions of others. i buy that he’s dying- but nothing else.

“i’ve tired of mulder’s mule-headedness- his foolish ideas of overthrowing the system” <- OHHHHHH, SHIT!!! this is JUICY!!!

she asks if he really thinks he’s fooling her. and he says mulder can never know about this. he’ll take it to his grave if he does learn. she starts the car, and finds a business card left on the seat next to hers.

OOOOOO!!! this is so exciting. i’m actually really glad we get to see scully wrestle with the devil this time. so often mulder gets this chance. but scully hasn’t been given it!!! what a temptation for a doctor!!!! and someone who came within minutes of death from such a horrible disease!!!

she sits at their basement desk, holding the card in her hands. picks up the phone and dials a number. then she hangs up. picks up again. orders a trace on the number.

she goes to a building where some security guards are watching- must be she plans to investigate herself. and then when she is met by security, she pulls the “i walked through the wrong door” card, which fools no one, but is really really really endearing to me. queen cannot tell a lie!!!

(EXCEPT for that time she convinced people mulder was dead. a notable exception- a result of doylist writing errors that can be fun to analyze in a watsonian manner)

these burly security men ask for ID. somehow, i feel she doesn’t have a fake on her like mulder probably does...

they take the ID. and tell her to go to the third floor. OHHHH, so they knew she was coming. there are so many security people. and there’s an office for CSM!!! she walked right into his trap.

WHO is this man watching her outside….?

she goes in his office. it seems empty, but he calls out to her from nearby. he invites her in. asks her to sit. she stands still.

he says that most of what he worked to build in his life is in ruins, and he has no legacy. scully sighs loudly. LMAO, she does not give a fuuuuck about what this man claims.

yeah, so the colonization plan has flopped, right? so what's the deal with that anyway? they just threw in the towel? they're gonna hope these alien rebel guys take care of the problem for them so they don't end up enslaved? i would think they'd be busy formulating a new plan. but i guess CSM doesn't care anyway, because he got the alien surgery.

he says he is dying of cerebral inflammation from a surgery he had in the fall. damn. not even the cigarettes. WAIT, the alien DNA he stole from mulder and had put in his body is killing him?? so he did all that for NOTHING? maybe he's lying, but i don't buy it. scully tells him his attempt to become respectable won’t work

“how many people in the world are dying of cancer? and here we are, wasting time with the past” <- OOOOOOOOO, OH MY GOD. what a manipulative little bastard.

this is soooooo juicy. i’m so invested.

she wants to see this miracle cure- he says it will take them a few days. they’ll need to take a trip. she says she’ll get back to him and walks away, LMAO.

he stands up, saying he has access to these chips, but the research is closely guarded. well. don’t the chips also make you want to go certain places that end up getting bombed? is that really a cure? is little jason gonna have a voice in his head telling him to go to pennsylvania like scully did? speaking of that, has that voice in her head stopped since the whole thing with cassandra spender? we didn't get concrete answers. we never do.

he claims that the men in this building will kill him- and her- if they knew what he was offering her.

he has destroyed all who are most precious to him- “all i want is a chance to do something in service to man before i go”

ohhh, is he going to play on scully’s hope that people can be good?? does she even still have that hope??

mulder arrives at his apartment. he has a message on his phone from scully- she’ll be out of town, it’s a family emergency. hmm. that would ring alarm bells for me. what KIND of family emergency??? they've seen each other dead and dying about a million times; you'd at least think she'd say "bill got hit by a bus and might not make it" rather than something so vague. then again, though, scully does love to keep things close to her chest. and he could call her mother and ask if bill really WAS hit by a bus. so vague is both the best move and a bad one.

mulder tries to call her right away. she's getting packed up for her journey and is listening to the messages as he leaves them. he asks her to pick up, he hopes everything is okay, and he’ll try on her cell right now. god. he loves her so bad. it's so sweet. CSM is in her apartment with her.

i’m scared. the girls (me) are scared. is he going to try something with her?

OH SHIT, SHES GOT A MIC IN HER BRA. see, i was really worried the zoom in on her chest was going in a different direction. she has a plan!! but will it work??? this is the devil we are dealing with!!!

this car ride is going to be so uncomfortable, i’m cryinggggg. she can’t even look at him as they walk out.

break for commercials. a good time to ponder where we're at and take stock of my emotional investment.

ooooh, certain episodes just give me that excited feeling, when the writing hits juuust right, and the pacing... and i can’t articulate it, no i cannot, but i sure can FEEL it with my whole body. i’m wiggling over here. so excited to see what happens next.

what a plot we find ourselves in!!!

so, scully is driving while he sits in the passenger seat. i assumed he would drive, but you can never guess with him. her face is stony. but she’s going to fiddle with her shirt too much and draw attention to the mic!! she’s nervous!! she’s a doctor, not a spy!!

he starts to light up, and she tells him off a little, so he at least rolls down the window. and the subtitles make note that this is an ELECTRIC window. which i take it was a big deal at the time.

oh! he throws it out! and says it’s time he quit. “no sacrifice is purely altruistic. we give expecting to receive” “what exactly is it you expect to receive?” “your trust” <- OHHHH! well. that is a TALL order.

he says he has a special affection for her- an affection for mulder, too, but what he feels for her is special. she looks at him. saying nothing.

“i held your life in my hands. your cancer was terminal- i had the cure. can you imagine what that’s like? to have the power to extinguish a life or to save it and let it flourish?” she says nothing. but her eyes are glassy.

very creepy thing to say. veeeery creepy. sick and twisted man.

mulder is coming to her apartment- trust that he's investigating. she gave the key to a neighbor who she asked to water the plants- which has to be a GIANT red flag in mulder’s head!!!!

oh, is this guy the landlord? “tenants like having an FBI agent in the building. gives them a sense of security” “do you know how many people have died in there?” “oh, uh, we don’t really talk about that” <- LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO, I’M CRYINGGGG. that is so funny because. damn! a lot of people really have met their end in there.

OHHHHHHH, the landlord said “her driver” had her suitcase when they left- a tall, older man who smokes like a chimney. i would assume that mulder’s face is one of complete shock right now, but the lighting is so BAD, i cannot see anything.

but he runs away. doesn’t even wait. just runs. oh. baby…..

scully is still driving. CSM says she’s been at the wheel too long- would she like him to drive?

“how long did it take mulder to win your trust?” “i’ve always trusted mulder” he laughs. “you’re not being honest with yourself”

“i told you, i’ve studied you for years. and if you would permit me, i’d like to make an observation.” <- WHERE IS THIS GOING…..?

CSM MSR shipper confirmed?? this finally gets her eyes off the road.

“you’re drawn to powerful men, but you fear their power. you keep your guard up, a wall around your heart. how else do you explain that fearless devotion to a man obsessed, and yet a life alone?” OHHH, GET HER ASS I GUESS????

CSM has always had an innate ability to clock that tea.

“you’d die for mulder, but you won’t allow yourself to love him” <- OHHHHHH MY GOD. JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND PACING.

put this guy behind the pen more often. LET HIM COOK!!!!

she makes some remark about him being more than just a cold blooded killer, but also a pop psychologist. GIRL, ARE YOU GONNA SIT THERE AND LIE?? well. what else can you do in such a situation? i’d probably do the same.

the concept of not letting yourself love someone... as if you have any say in the matter. you can build walls, but that really only buys time until they fall down, no? augh. it's fascinating.

i'm also very fascinated by how blatantly they love each other- but won't talk about it. how they're each other's most important person- but draw the line at conveying that sentiment. maybe it's about the idea of romance being so much scarier than a platonic love, but that doesn't feel quite right, to be honest. maybe it's not that, and it's just that the lines have blurred so thoroughly between attachment and devotion and friendship and romance and love, that if they stop for a second to think about it, they're scared the whole thing will crumble down. how mulder thinks he's an intruder and force of destruction in her life and she thinks he's too ahab to ever really have any sort of meaningful relationship in any capacity. hmm. so much to consider. and you can analyze how it moves through time, too... wow. i'm barking and chasing my tail like a dog.

i don't like the idea of scully being afraid of mulder's power like he is some sort of superior to her- but we do know that his relentlessness is something she admires and also is terrifying to her, because it drives him to do things like get holes drilled in his head. so i guess there is that "fear" there, but more of what he can do when he sets his mind to it, or what he might get himself into when he has his heart set on it, than what he holds over her. i resent the implication of a boss and assistant dynamic. (glares at never again)

anyway, CSM wants to prove he is capable of something more than destruction. and he tells her to make a turn.

there’s a car… and in it is the guy we saw standing behind her in his office before!!!

holy shit, i’m jazzed. mystery guy pulls in after them. i think. it’s hard to tell.

she puts the car in park at what looks like a normal home. CSM explains that the woman in the yard is marjorie butters. she’s got a green thumb and plays a mean game of scrabble. and that she is 118 years old, which i do not believe. he gets out of the car and she hugs him. introduces her to scully, saying she is a very good friend of his- he sounds so friendly as he does so. looks so innocent. and scully notices the scar on her neck.

“to have this power…. to visit this woman and see her joy… must be why you became a doctor” <- HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT DOCTORING, BUDDY? you are a manipulative evil man. he looks away and follows marjorie inside.

back at the FBI headquarters, mulder bursts into skinner’s office. skinner!! my beloved friend!!! he is on the case.

mulder is in his leather jacket, which is how you know shit is going down, and reports that mrs. scully knows nothing about any sort of family emergency.

OHHHH… “i know she can take care of herself. it’s just not like her to lie to me” <- OHHHHHH. my heart. did you hear it melting? like a popsicle? all sticky and syrupy???? GODDAMN THIS FICTIONAL MAN.

skinner gets a call back on his private line. it is scully. mulder gestures for the phone- but he holds tight to it.

she says she’s on the road, and everything is okay. and please tell mulder that she’s alright. “well, he’s standing right here. why don’t you do that yourself?” (mulder gestures for the phone again, smiling with relief) but she hangs up!!!! saying she’ll call him later.

“she says she’s fine” (mulder nods) “she’s in trouble” and he departs after her!!!

ahhhh!!! this is so tense!!!

scully pulls in to a gas station, telling CSM she is stopping at the restroom. he watches her as she heads inside, holding the gas pump.

and she’s narrating into the mic!!! she’s going to leave this tape for mulder!!! she promises she will get it to him as fast as she can!!! her words are too fast and furious for me to jot them down, but she promises him that she weighed the risks before making the choice to go with CSM. then fiddles with the tape recorder, getting out the tape. it takes her a while. that is my queen.

she scribbles his name on an envelope with two stamps… then heads outside. nearly runs into a guy. where is CSM?! she puts the letter in the mail.

he’s sitting in the driver’s seat. offers her a lifesaver, which she declines- must be his alternative to smoking. he tells her to get comfortable- they have a good drive ahead.

ah! the guy she nearly ran into- was that the man from before?!?! he has the letter she mailed mulder in her hands!!!! he plucked it out of the mailbox!!!

at 1 am, CSM pulls in… somewhere. scully is fast asleep in the seat next to him. he puts on a glove. then another. a villainous score is playing. he brushes her hair out of her face. i feel deeply uncomfortable and scared this will take a turn.

a knock at mulder’s door now. “it’s the masters of disguise” IT’S THE GUNMEN!!! they have hats on and say there’s heat on their tail! but they did what he asked. and nearly got caught!!!

they hacked into scully’s computer… found some emails that had been deleted, but not fully from her hard drive… yes, yes??? she was talking with someone named cobra. “well, looks like she’s gone to great lengths to keep this from you” “i don’t believe that. she knows that i’d find her, no matter what” <- OHHHH MY GOD……..

is frohike dressed as harry potter? mulder just said this utterly heartbreaking line and frohike is standing there in gryffindor robes. THIS SHOW…

he’s gonna get in her laptop. TRUST!!

scully is asleep in a bed. wearing a robe. checking for the mic. it’s still there. did she change into the robe herself...?

oh, she's furious. takes the coffee he offers her and throws it out the window. she says he drugged her. he claims he just carried her into the bedroom. and that they’re in pennsylvania. she's free to go- the keys are in the ignition. but the choice is still hers. she takes a deep breath. and goes back inside.

but the guy who was following them before is in the bushes!!!!

mulder bursts inside skinner’s office. LMAO at the jab at him always doing that: “is my assistant-?”, BAHAHA. and in barge the gunmen behind him!!! “what the hell is going on here?” “that’s my question exactly. i believe you’ve all met” WAIT!!! WHEN DID THEY MEET…? OHHHHH, FIGHT THE FUTURE!!!! in the hospital room when byers had to strip. i recall.

FROHIKE CALLS SKINNER “G-MAN” AND LANGLY ASKS IF THIS PLACE IS SECURE, LMAOOOOOO. skinner looks mad as fuuuuck.

so “cobra”- who is a federal fugitive- has been emailing scully from the DOD for the last 6 months. he’s working on a shadow project.

he pulls up what he claims to be scully’s correspondence with cobra, in which she is stressing the importance of what they have, and that she can arrange a safe place- but i’m not buying it. seems like a CSM arranged story.

LMAO, yeah, mulder thinks someone has hacked into her email and is pretending to be her. mulder says it’s CSM, and skinner has to get to him- now. “you of all people should know that you just don’t get to him”

ohhh my god, i’m so invested, i feel electric. i had to sit up a little and lean in.

“WELL, IF YOU DON’T GET TO HIM, IT MAY BE THE LAST TIME WE SEE SCULLY ALIVE” <- GAAAAG.

back in “pennsylvania”, CSM knocks on scully's door, saying they will have dinner with their contact tonight. AND HE BROUGHT HER A DRESS?? he must know about her mic and is trying to get her to wear something that can't hide it…. she says it’s beautiful. looks it over. sighs when he leaves the room.

yoooooooooooooo….. so much is happening….

oh my god, it’s very strange to see her in a dress, but yeah. definitely no mics going on there.

okay, so this guy they are meeting is “cobra”. and scully wants to know why she’s here. cobra wants assurance the science won’t fall into the wrong hands. and they drink to the future.

and he says he must tell her something else. it’s not the cure for cancer. “it’s the holiest of grails, dana. it’s the cure for all human disease” HEY, don’t call her dana….. and how would that even be possible?

she asks how. and he says it’s largely extraterrestrial. “then you would be cured”, she points out.

“that which makes miracles also makes great evil”- he claims that others would use this to choose who would live and who would die

she’s thinking. he says he’s a lonely man. girl……… if you could see my face right now……. is this gonna get weird as fuck….?

he gets up. and someone else is watching her from behind. she seems to be freaking tf out, but sits right there. is she going to make a run for it?

outside, CSM smokes a cigarette. someone meets him- the guy from the bushes. “cobra hasn’t shown” “what do you want to do?” “wait. what else can we do?” LMAO at his sassy tone. but bush guy says that scully won’t wait forever. he tells bush guy to do his damn job.

she didn’t eat the cake brought out for her. but someone slipped her a note, saying to go to a cove. HMMMMM…. what is afoot????

so her and CSM are unmooring a boat. she must have told him about the note, because he knows where the cove is. and he tells her to wait when she gets there.

scully starting a boat is hot. i’ll say it. CSM tells her to head out. he looks so unthreatening in his old man hunting jacket. someone is watching her….

another boat approaches. boat diplomacy time. this guy says finally we meet. BUT SOMEONE HAS A SNIPER RIFLE TRAINED ON HER!!! is it CSM?!!!

"cobra" hands her a CD. she asks where it comes from. he asks if she’s scully. yes, but we haven’t spoken before, she says! he seems very confused!

and blam!!! the cobra guy is shot!! it was the bush guy!! and he shoots for her next!!!!! but he misses!!! she ducked!! and again!!!! BUT CSM GOT HIS ASS FIRST??? kills him and then places a gun next to his head??????????

what is going ONNNNN. so he had this guy follow scully so he could kill cobra and her but then CSM got him before he could kill scully?!

another tally is added to the CSM kill count.

she starts up the boat and gets tf out of there while scary music plays. CSM comes out to see her. she’s mad as fuck. she is five feet two inches of sheer fury because he said no one else knew about this. she hands the CD to him. and he hands it back. saying she has to go.

back in mulder's apartment, the gunmen are looking through it. mulder is avoiding her gaze. it’s loading. they report that the CD is empty. scully says it can’t be. mulder still won’t look at her.

she goes back to CSM’s office with mulder in tow. bursts in. and it’s completely empty. she yells that he was here. mulder says it was the perfect con. scully truly believed him and how vulnerable he seemed.

back by the pennsylvania river, CSM holds the disk. tosses it into the river. and lights up another cigarette.

you know what that means: he's back to his dark and twisted ways.

the end.

BRO…..

so he was using her the whole time. but she really believed him. i guess that is what happens when you wrestle with the devil- he makes you believe. part of me is saying “why would she believe him?”, but she hasn’t really had to deal with him 1 on 1 before- at least not in the "him dangling answers over her head" kind of way before- and hearing about his lies and falling for them are 2 different things….

so what did he want? did he really want to make right??? and that is why he threw that CD into the river?? so no one could ever use it for evil- even if that means he’ll die? i don’t buy it. i don’t buy anything about him. but what else would be on the CD that he would want destroyed and could gain by impersonating scully? i guess maybe i DO think that is what happened.

you just never know with this guy. there had to be something important on there. CSM kills sparingly, most of the time, except for the melissa incident that caused everyone to think he was getting sloppy. so to set that guy up to kill scully but then kill him first….

AUGH. i know this story will NEVER be explored again. so you have to take what you get and embrace it- i really enjoyed this episode. i love a scully-centric one. i love not knowing what is going to happen next and sitting at the edge of my seat. i love mulder knowing so fully and deeply that he would always find her- but he didn’t this time. she hid it from him. and he seemed so hurt. is it that she didn’t tell him, or that she fell for the same man who told him all of those lies? both? angst! angst for those with the eyes to see it!

CSM as an MSR shipper is sooooo funny.

i really liked this one. so often the narrative focuses on mulder and how he falls for manipulation, but scully isn’t immune to the same thing- you just have to use different levers with her. a cure for cancer…. of course she would fall right in. she almost died from it. she watched so many others die agonizing deaths from it. something so fantastic… we like to think we could resist the devil offering us the fruit, but the devil knows just what fruit our heart most desires, doesn’t he?

and then mulder dealing with the angst she is so used to feeling- watching someone you love being taken in by lies, falling for half-truths, the feeling of betrayal in not being told what is going on... oh yeah, that was SO good. as was his determination to find her that ultimately proved fruitless. i LOVE a worried mulder that will move heaven and hell to find scully. and i love the inverse of that, as well. GOD. he was so scared. he called her MOM and burst in on skinner. loverboy. loverboy... he got scared. and now he's angry.

there were some weirdly tense moments between scully and CSM, and i was worried it was going to get, for lack of a better word… unconsensual. particularly when he got her that dress and then said he was a lonely man… oh, i was scared. AND when she accused him of drugging her. we all know that this show is not behind doing some freaky shit. luckily, it did not steer in this direction. but the subtext was there. thankfully, that was all it remained. scully has undergone some weird shit at the hands of these writers, but not today.

everyone say thank you to mr. william for cooking up this banger ep. excellent character meditation on scully. excellent character meditation on CSM, even if we still don’t know what he really feels. i guess i do believe that he is dying and perhaps there is some small part of him that wants to atone for all the terrible things he did. but how he could go about doing that… WOULD he find the alien cure to all diseases and destroy it? it certainly wouldn’t clear his name in any meaningful way if he destroyed a secret document that no one would ever know about- but would it clear his soul to know that it couldn't be used for evil?

hmm. hmmmmm. hmm. so much to ponder. and it seems a wedge has been driven between our agents now, after scully ran off without telling him anything. and he never got the tapes, so he didn’t know her rationale. i’m sure their next few meetings were quite… tense. especially after the kerfuffle with the pine bluff variant where he did sort of the same thing and she was soooo mad at him.

so much to think about!!!

#really really really enjoyed this episode. everyone say thank you CSM.#scully is not immune to the siren song of answers. you just have to sing a different tune for her than you do for mulder.#this was a banger episode and i am glad i watched it. i want to hear all about the actor's thoughts on CSM.#i read somewhere once he was mad about musings of a CSM and was told it wasn't canon...? so what's the deal there. did he kill JFK or not.#this writeup ended up long af but i'm not complaining LMAO i hope you enjoy and tell me what you thought!!!#juni's x files liveblog #7x15

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