#I'm literally so miserable right now

[bungouchronicles]

Bram has ALWAYS been selfless and compassionate, even at death's door 💔

[paintedcrows]

Some Fords! (and Martin K Blackwood is also there)

[officially-other]

My first attempt at writing that's vaguely like poetry: from a dragon

I am not what you think.

I walk around, awkward limbs and flighty mannerisms, and you think I’m strange. You have no idea how strange you would think I am if you only saw what was underneath.

Underneath, I am a creature of the ocean. Something that could never pass as human, and no longer wants to. Saltwater rushes through my veins in secret, silent to everyone but me. To me, it’s a roaring sound of the waves that I have never seen except for within my soul. It yearns to dissolve into the ocean like it could long ago, but for now those days are over and I am hidden underneath skin and muscle.

Underneath, there are wings; fins; antlers. They ache to tear from my back, through my skull. Nonetheless, they stay hidden for me, safe in the silence. Protected like I protected my kin in a lifetime so close to the surface and yet unreachable. Wrapped in a form that no longer coils around them like a serpent, but keeps them hidden from predators well enough I suppose.

I suppose.

I accept my form reluctantly and do what I can to make it mine. I shape it to feel better when I discover my gender, and when I can’t shape it to fit my true self I cover it in things that feel a little more like home. A little more draconic. A little more like the ocean that I never have seen, but feel homesick for anyway.

I do find joy in being in this body, at least. Out there, there are others. Angels working minimum wage, dragons sitting on a park bench, wolves buying groceries. We hide, but we do so to be free. We walk through crowds, and no one notices our scales and fur and feathers. But we do. We see each other, even if from miles away, and we see what’s underneath.

And underneath, none of us are what you think.

(Tags for side commentary/context)

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.

[archduke-enver-gortash]

at least i get to say that my hypochondriac delusions about dying soon weren't delusions at all lmao. small w

[kolyasangel]

lowkey don't feel like writing anymore

[djarinova]

from an article titled "I’m a Swiftie, but the staggering size of the Eras tour has left me feeling alienated"

girl im not sure you are a swiftie if you're saying the anthology is full of forgettable songs...

[skunkes]

hi im gonna sadpost for a bit

[dredshirtroberts]

i have never been more angry about climate change getting to the point that it has than i am right now. i don't remember the last time i moved around without having to very carefully consider how much pain i am in and how much effort it will take me to move from bed to wherever i need to be.

the weather is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT every four to five days or so (40degreeF temp fluxes anyone?) and my body is predicting the changes about four days in advance, getting worse as the front moves in. I have No Fucking Respite from this and I am... very slowly losing my mind about it. it's... it's been at least a few weeks now that it's been back and forth rapidly and i can't fucking MOVE.

I can't sleep, laying down hurts too much. sitting hurts. standing hurts *and* wears me out almost instantly. the otc meds aren't really doing anything anymore and all the weed does is make it so it's not the forefront of my mind (and also makes it so i don't really feel like moving around a whole bunch anyway). i can't think. i can't focus.

and i know i'm not the only one in the household feeling poorly because of the weather - we're a barometric body household, we've got everything: migraines, old injuries, other stuff. and it sucks. it all just sucks a lot and i want the weather to stabilize and because of the fucking melting ice the jetstream is all wonky and that's what's causing the back and forth ESPECIALLY this far up north, and it's absolutely WRECKING my shit.

so if we could get to work on maybe not making climate change worse and even potentially putting some of that ice back on the north pole so that the transition seasons are maybe less fraught with pain, i would be greatly appreciative.

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

[piedoesnotequalpi]

Man this day keeps getting worse and worse huh

[aberooski]

Every day I tell myself "all I have to do is make it through today" and I'm realizing that I don't know how I feel about the fact that I feel like I have to tell myself that every single day.

[salsflore]

going to sleep soon ～ let me get some things off my chest here.... my eyes are super itchy again (fell into the trap of snuggling my cat even when i swore i wouldn't do it again)

[starlight-archer]

The Plymouth KISS concert got cancelled 😭😭😭

I mean at least I'll get a refund at some point but It's their last tour for their 50th anniversary and I can't afford to get tickets for Birmingham because of the added cost of travel/hotel 😭😭😭

[quemirabobo]

So up until now I never found a fucking gynecologist who listens to me, they're like "oh you don't have sex? Then what are you here for? I can't make any exam then. Why aren't you on contraceptives? Wait I don't care, take this. Next" and makes me fucking furious and helpless

[baladric]

i notice my age in a lot of ways, but my favorite one is how i have learned to roll out of these deep sea trenches of despair just... absolutely bursting with gratitude that i am here here here, feeling all of these big, hard feelings moving through me and getting to live in the cleaner, clearer world they leave in their wake