#I'm not gonna cope when it goes back after the show

[draigsdoodles67]

getting to hand this over to the man himself a little while ago was such a joy, and in anticipation of my next cruel intentions trip I'll share it with the rest of you I suppose x

[happyhauntt]

— march fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.

a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in march that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!

grishaverse.

➡ kaz brekker.

what do you want from me by @rubysunnday. notes: literally perfect wtf.

dark days by rubysunnday. notes: i reread this literally constantly, it is so perfect, kaz's characterisation is perfect, i adore it.

bloody hands by rubysunnday. notes: i devoured this whole thing like a starving person it was sO good.

when am i gonna lose you? by @crowsmybeloveds. notes: this is so beautiful honestly i have no words.

the lost princess by @ellewritesalright. notes: look it's only part one but elle is a fucking wizard and i'm a sucker for an anastasia au.

you and me (a whole lot of history) by @heliads. notes: this was so cute and such a clever concept i fell in love!!!

schat by @amourology. notes: fully choked this is so adorable.

soulmate by @magpiencrow. notes: KAZ BREKKER SOULMATE AU didn't know i needed this but now i need 100 more!!!!

➡ nikolai lantsov.

nine long years series by @ellewritesalright. notes: i am actively fucking screaming over this fic. i will never stop. this might genuinely be the best thing i've read in a LONG while. everything about it has me sobbing i actively CANNOT COPE. and it's not even finished yet.

one of us by @songofpatrochilless. notes: literally had me sobbing you don't understand the domesticity of it all!!!!!.

come on back to me by @atlabeth. notes: there is a very strong chance that i'll literally never stop screaming about this fic.

dreams of you by @wh0refornikolailantsov. notes: every cell in my body is SCREAMING.

this love by @lantsovsupremacist. notes: did not, in fact, give you permission to hurt me like this do it again.

salt in the wound by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: brain goes brrrr this has everything i need to survive tbh.

wanting was enough by @rubysunnday. notes: beautiful stunning magnificent i want to eat it.

an exhausted smile by @writing-havoc. notes: think i had an aneurysm reading this it was that amazing.

run away with me by @sumsebien. notes: i am still sobbing over this.

in emerald hearts, emerald minds by @undiscovered-horizon. notes: love love love love love. there aren't enough words in any language to describe how much i love this.

➡ alina starkov.

alina starkov x reader by @heliads. notes: alina does not get nearly enough love and this was so fucking sad and cute and brilliant.

➡ nina zenik.

the ten steps to 'i love you' by @sophierequests. notes: this was SO HEARTWARMING AND SWEET i adored it!!!

➡ zoya nazyalensky.

forget-me-nots by @syllvane. notes: not enough zoya fics on this hellsite. but also this ripped my heart out and made me sob so RUDE. i feel devastated.

➡ inej ghafa.

inej ghafa x reader by @heliads. notes: INEJ MY SWEET BABY, this fic is everything to me. everything. and it's so beautifully written!!!

➡ the darkling.

the dark side of the moon series by @myhairpintrigger. notes: this fic is ASTOUNDING. i haven’t cried this much reading something in a long time. i was FULL-BODY SOBBING. i don’t even like the darkling. i am Not a darkling girlie. but i was intrigued by concept of this fic and i can safely say it has ruined my life. this is Emotional Damage Incarnate. i will never recover. author, i salute you.

911.

through the smoke by @borntobewondering. notes: spent twenty whole minutes sobbing after reading this. i felt undone i felt hollow i felt so utterly fucked. author is a genius and that's all there is to say.

not so one night stand by @shmaptainwrites. notes: this was so fuckin adorable i'm in love.

d.c. to l.a. by shmaptainwrites. notes: bobby my guy just doesn't get enough fucking credit and this is so fucking adorable.

criminal minds.

➡ spencer reid.

trouble almost all my life by @januaryembrs. notes: this series is. it's literally. everything. i love bugsy like she's my own child. sister relationships are everything to me. i spent an hour sobbing in my bed over parts 2 and 3. i want this tattooed on my forehead.

➡ aaron hotchner.

found by @benedictscanvas. notes: DADDY i mean what. all jokes aside this was so sweet and beautiful and i'm in love the writing!!!

doctor who.

rage rage (against the dying of the light) by @morganas-pendragons. notes: felt feral after reading this. kayla just gets me in my feels every time.

heartbeat by morganas-pendragons. notes: this was the most emotional devastating thing i've ever read and i fully needed 3-5 business days to recover. rude. i want 100 more.

untitled by morganas-pendragons. notes: PAIN i love this so much.

ache by morganas-pendragons. notes: just scoop my heart out of my fucking chest i don't want it anymore after reading this.

a mind full of blissful terrors by @magiccath. notes: simply fucking amazing.

light in the dark by @i-imagine-my-doctor. notes: screaming please i adore this so much.

baby talk by @kisstherainwriting. notes: THE ABSOLUTE CUTIEST EVER. there's not enough clara fics and this had me squealing and feeling all warm and fuzzy!!!

holding my hand by kisstherainwriting. notes: angst galore this was STUNNING.

in another's eyes by @cas-kingdom. notes: PERFECTION.

where do we go now series by @theetherealbloom. notes: literally so fucking amazing i don't have enough words.

marauders.

the winner takes it all by @ellecdc. notes: brb faye is having a STROKE--

come back, be here series by ellecdc. notes: i think i had a full on stroke while reading this series. the attention to detail is insane. the characterisation is perfect.

i don't know you anymore (maybe i never really did) by @thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels. notes: SCREECHING i'm in love you don't understand.

bridgerton.

➡ anthony bridgerton.

distractions by @peterpparkrr. notes: simply immaculate.

right person, all the wrong times by @wwinterwitch. notes: did you mean one of my favourite tropes bc this is it.

right in front of me by @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 & @thirteenisles. notes: i felt feral after reading this tbh.

➡ sibling!reader.

reluctant caretaker by @rubysunnday. notes: this fic hit my heart in all the right places okay sibling stuff means everything to me.

did she have a cookie by rubysunnday. notes: a joyous read from start to finish i CACKLED the whole way through.

moon knight.

come back to me by @mgparker. notes: still sobbing. immaculate.

the other sarcophagus by @starryevermore. notes: i literally reread this constantly i adore it so much!!

marc spector x reader by @softlyspector. notes: i had an aneurysm reading this and i haven't been the same since.

more marc spector x reader by softlyspector. notes: i am having an intense emotion hold on. anytime i see autistic stuff in canon content for any fandom i SQUEAK. and this is so well done honestly.

star wars.

heartless by @youvebeenlivingfictional. notes: i reread this constantly, it's so amazing and heartwrenching and beautiful and i want to eat it.

little talks by @light-yaers. notes: you simply do not understand how much i adore everything beff writes. i adore this fic more than i need oxygen to breathe.

right where you left me series by light-yaers. notes: personality-defining series. i LIVE for this fic. every update adds five years to my lifespan. if you're not reading this you are MISSING OUT.

a light, a song, a bluebird by @millllenniawrites. notes: made me SOB 10/10 would recommend if you like emotional trauma.

invisible string by @campingwiththecharmings. notes: pining!!! loneliness!!! i adore!!!

hard landings by @softlyspector. notes: no. no you don't understand. this fic doesn't just own my soul it is my soul. i want it tattooed on my face.

misc.

hopper x reader by @luveline. notes: you don't understand this might be the cutest shit i've ever read and jade is a fellow welsh person which automatically makes them brilliant in my book.

muña by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: alicent means fucking everything to me and this had me sobbing.

mistletoe magic by @writingsbychlo. notes: literally the cutest fucking thing ever, had me kicking my legs and squealing!!

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

can i request a one shot where reader has been friends with everyone in cousins for a while and has been around to see everything happen (susannah dying, the love triangle between belly, conrad and jere). fast forward to when conrad leaves the motel, he goes to reader after and they end up falling for eachother over time and reader shows conrad the love and support he deserves, and understands what he’s going through💞

A bit short, but I'm in a spooky autumn mood and these characters scream summer. Please send spooky/autumn requests

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

‘’She chose him and now I can’t fucking breathe,’’ Conrad said as you sat together on your couch. He rubbed his chest with the heel of his palm and your heart shattered. 

He had showed up at your door unannounced a little over an hour ago, backpack over his shoulder and looking like he'd been run over by a truck. His eyes were red, like he had been crying. You took him inside without asking questions, knowing he needed a shoulder to lay his tired head on. 

You listened as Conrad recounted everything that happened since they took the road to Brown. His plan to tell Belly he still loved her. The kiss against his car. The motel. 

‘’I gave her so many signs that I still loved her, but she didn't hear me. She could have turned this around and we could have fixed our relationship, but she chose Jere. So I let her go.’’ 

You reached out to squeeze his hand, the one that wasn’t on his chest. 

The situation between Belly and the Fisher boys was incredibly messy. She was your friend and you could understand that feelings were difficult at that age, but juggling between Conrad and Jeremiah’s hearts was just hurtful for everyone involved. Just because she was confused with who she wanted, who she loved, didn’t mean she had to get a taste of both before making a choice. 

Conrad released a shaky breath, trying to control his emotions and not have another panic attack. ‘’I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you. I didn’t know where else to go…’’ 

You shook your head, dismissing his apologies. ‘’I’d rather you come and pour your little heart out to me than go through everything on your own and mope.’’

‘’I don’t mope by myself—’’ 

You raised an eyebrow playfully, cutting him off.

‘’Maybe I do…’’ he conceded with a defeated sigh. 

Keeping everything inside had always been Conrad's way of coping. He rarely talked to anyone about himself or how he felt. It wasn't the healthiest approach, and you knew it, but you also understood that you couldn't force him to open up.

‘’Do you have a place to stay tonight?’’ 

Conrad sank deeper into the couch cushions, having not thought ahead. When he left the motel, he told his brother he was going to take a bus to Cousins to get the summer house back together, but he impulsively came here instead. 

‘’You can stay if you want. There’s no one in the guest room,’’ you offered.

‘’Thanks. For real.’’ He gave you a soft smile, grateful for everything. ‘’I don’t know what I would’ve done today if you had not been there.’’

‘’I’m always gonna be there for you, Con,’’ you promised, returning a smile. ‘’Right now, it might be raining, but there'll be happiness after her. Someone will turn your gray sky and paint it blue again.’’

—

All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs  @gillybear17  @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade  @hi-bored-as-fcuk-rn  @lovelyy-moonlight @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @marzipaanz  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart  @xyzstar  @graceberman3  @Heartsforneteyamsully @aerangi  @hallecarey1  @bxbyyyjocelyn @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark

TSITP taglist: @msmarvelknight  @maritaleane @dingus0401 @idontknowwhatimdoing777 @nomorespahgetti @lomlolivia @5sosbands @bloodyhw @depthsofdespairr @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @gilbertscurls @brandirouse86 @leilani-nichole @Veescorneroftheworld @papayaboyluvr  @bchindureyes @bellysbeach  @slytherinambitious @darylscvmdumpster  @johannelis2302nely  @aqshua @foockingasshole @straberryshortcake143 @luiise  @sickntiredtoo  @adrluvh @mymultiveres @Rosekar16 @hopeurokays @amysangrl  @hopelessromantic727 @beth-gallagher22 @lonelywitchv2

[h-doodles]

@blood-red-ocean thank you for inspiring me so suddenly with your chat, now i'm choosing to be a :3 and show it to everyone <3

oh if the ROs remember their good ends with MC but she's with Miranda and the loops have stopped and MC DOESN'T remember you know it's gonna be an absolute angst pining mess.

• Bela's heart has been taken away and the spell reinforced but she cannot, she WILL NOT forget the MC she had loved. But this one? Oh, it hurts to see her so willingly blind, to see her tormentor living what was supposed to be HER happy ending. But MC is happy, so there is nothing she can do but to let her go and work on the restraints holding herself prisoner instead.

• Cass' is taken aback. It took her MC to learn what love truly is and she is READY to start winning her back, until she sees the empty expression in her face which bore no familiarity. And the fact that she isn't into theater the same way you were before? OOP.

• Daniela is broken. You became her rock and she was yours and you were away and happy and everything was wonderful for so many years and then???? you KNOW her emotions are gonna be fucked up. You guys actually got the most time together. And now it's NOT going to happen because you're happily by her side.

• Alcina takes a double take when she remembers what you shared, and the way she resolutely broke her bonds against Miranda FOR you. WITH you. But this? You willingly being in the cult, being Miranda's prized feather, being Eva's other mother? Well, there is nothing left to do... but to do her work.

• Angie is at first, understandably upset, but honestly I feel like she's the one who bounces out quick, bc what can SHE do against Miranda? And she has her coping strategies (however DANGEROUS) and I see her going back to that kind of crutch. But at the same time, she remembers the softness between you and promises herself to be better about it... at the very least. It's what you promised each other, after all.

• Donna's RABID. You know her possessiveness for what she deems hers is absolute, and that she's one bad day away from losing her tightly held sanity. It CHAFES to see MC with Miranda, to see that in the end, she has been left behind... AGAIN. She takes solace in Angie and definitely goes back to being a hermit, but at the same time... well. WELL.

• Miranda's... well. Miranda. This isn't an ideal situation, but she has MC secured. You are hers and she is yours, but sometimes she can't help but give you a reminder... and as well as a reminder to everyone else who covets her precious little feather.

[lizaluvsthis]

SMG4: Trash Friends

Shit. Hello guys- I stole my phone and it is currently 4 am and I posted this (Because it's scheduled on queue)

I'm still not here but I managed to grab the phone out of the room, I can post for a bit. But then again, I wont be catching up to stuff while I'm at it.

Okay so- this video is about SMG4 needing that usb where michael jordan is n stuff to become popular.

SMG3 is needing that one to become popular as well so that his shop would be flooded by customers.

And then where it comes to needing stuff, they'd do literally anything for their 'friends' to get it.

SMG3 lied to him saying the business is running good, he just didnt want to face the problem in front of the protagonist that he's going downhill with running the business.

"I'm finally gonna get the attention I deserve, and prove to everyone YOU'RE THE WORST VERSION OF ME!"

This? This was his thoughts. This is how it speaks for him that is why he was afraid to show that to him.

After SMG3 told Mario he needs that usb for Fame and Love because SMG4 has too much of that. He knew how much important it is to him. He wanted the same love like how SMG4 has, he'd never had all the attention like how SMG4 had too. He was lost of himself.

Mario being the gullible idiotic man he is, he never complained to three about his speak of truth, he had comforted his friends especially meggy. Mario figured that Three had exposed his inner emotions, the most that he can do is just vomit that sh-t out.

Right after Three hid Mario from his hat, turns out he really does need shampoo. I mightve noticed that he'd been staying up late at night and doesn't shower because of his bad habits.

Sometimes depressed people mostly forgot to shower and just cope sh-ts to themselves like curling up to the bed and wallow in sorrow. And mostly they just hide that feeling. And I guess you might've noticed SMG4 did. Thats the reason why he searched that up from the internet.

He was THIS obviously close to reveal he had been concerned about Three because he stinks.

When SMG4 told three what the matter was, since the only thing he knew from him is that his business is doing fine. SMG4 thought that three wanted that fame all to himself, being the selfish one he knew back then.

After four told him "you're being selfish! All you ever think about is yourself! JUST. LET. GO!" the soft spot where SMG3 got his by the heart because of it.

He never wanted to go back to being how he wanted to be. He never wanted to show that whole destruction thing again from his ecil doings. This was the rrason why he ever wanted to change into a better person.

"OKAY!" "Okay...?" SMG4 noticed where Three easily surrendered himself, letting his guard down due to his anger.

He opened up.

"YEAH! I dont know what I was thinking! I'm doing fine! My shop is ALWAYS flooded with customers, I'm SO successful. Nobody is EVER throwing my coupons in garbage.

AND I DEFINITELY DON'T FEEL LIKE THE WORST VERSION OF YOU THAT LIKES TO PRETEND HE'S DOING FINE!"

HE said that to himself. When he thought he'd be the worst ever version of him, because he was supposed to be an antagonist. He was supposed to be SMG4's enemy, but he was also supposed to be partners with Four because they were both meme guardians.

SMG4 didn't knew. He always didnt know all of SMG3's antics because he thought Three also had everything to himself. But he didn't know he also felt like this, like Trash.

SO THIS GOES ON WITH THE MORAL. SMG4 noticing it just now is that he felt like TRASH. Because last time he'd ever notice is just Three wanting attention of how the golden child (aka SMG4) is when he gains that love and joy with everyone from meme warts.

Yet Three is there saying that to himself. He was there being open to Four and to Mario that he is struggling as well. His whole life, his financial issues, everything that meant to him. He popped the balloon and spoke the truth.

Four picked up the coupon, he was sad about this when he had finally just realized the whole sh-t of things. Sure four has done alot of wrong things but this? This is sick to his guts feeling bad for three...

Four looked at mario because he knows how valuable of a friend Mario is when dealing with emotions and open ups. And so- he got to the talk with three.

With all thats settled, SMG3 came back and fist bumbs Four to know that he's good now. What I also didn't expect is that three after using the usb, Four didn't even stop him. He looks at three with those softened eyes and just. Wow.

Four really wanted to show three his kindness, he was soft on him so he gave him a chance. He wanted three to be happy too.

[johnslittlespoon]

https://www.tumblr.com/johnslittlespoon/744374471821017088/would-just-like-to-point-out-that-once-again-a

i love this so much omgggg. imagine bucky is in a mood one day with buck but still just collapses onto buck’s bunk and curls into the sheets. buck would think it was the most endearing thing ever. maybe buck is standing in bucky’s way, forcing bucky to grumble out an excuse me that’s just dripping with attitude but buck can’t even be upset about it because bucky proceeds to shove past him and throw himself into buck’s bunk and bury his face in his pillow. or imagine buck coming over to talk to bucky and bucky rolls away from him but it’s like. that kind of loses its effect when ur in BUCK’s bunk😭

linked post | gigglingsjdgk yes omg. this is so so THEM i'm gone

it doesn't matter how much they bicker or fight during the day or what type of mood either of them might be in– john will not sleep in his own bunk if his life depends on it once he gets a taste of sleeping in gale's. over the winter, the bunking for warmth excuse works just fine, but as the weather starts to heat up, his new excuse is "your bunk is comfier."

gale doesn't point out that this makes no sense with all of their bunks being the exact same; he'd love to tease john about it, but he doesn't want to scare him out of climbing into his bunk night after night, and he makes damn sure the other guys don't rib on him for it either. everyone's got their coping mechanisms, and they all know john's hanging on by a thread, so they're not going to question his vices.

imagine what goes down after that scuffle in the yard? john spends the rest of the evening pacing the yard, cooling off until it's time for lock–in, and gale's waiting leaning against his bunk when john comes back into the room, expecting a conversation. but john doesn't even look at him fully, just brushes past with a short bratty "scuse me" and drags himself into gale's bunk and curls up as close to the wall as he can get without another word.

gale turns and stares at him in disbelief, shaking his head but still feeling so fond because they can have the worst fight of their friendship and john still crawls into his bed at the end of the day like it belongs to him just as much as gale, even in his silent treatment.

gale half wants to go crawl into john's bunk instead to make a point, but he's not sure he can even fall asleep alone anymore after so many months of sharing a bunk, and he knows it's not really him that john's mad at– they're all mad at the world right now, and john's just taking it out on him because he's there and real and he subconsciously tries to sabotage anything good because he feels undeserving. the silent treatment is as much geared towards gale as it is john punishing himself for the guilt he feels after lashing out at him.

john presses his face into gale's pillow when gale climbs in behind him with a huff, pulling the thin blanket up over both of them, only hesitating for a moment before he slings his arm over john's waist all the same, deciding he's not gonna lay awkward and uncomfortable facing the opposite direction with nowhere for his arms to go; if john wants to be touchy, he can lay somewhere else.

john barely manages to put on a show of being tense against him for more than a few minutes before he's relaxing into his arms anyway, back pressing to his chest, a quiet sigh puffing out against the pillow. gale steals a gentle press of his lips to the nape of his neck, a silent apology, because he knows they'll talk properly in the morning once john's not as antsy and worked up, and john squeezes gale's hand where it rests over his stomach, and everything feels okay again. <3

[icedmetaltea]

(tw: scissors, needles)

Pov: you get your friendship bracelet from Moon cut off :( (no literally that's the plot I'm not even joking)

Reblogs greatly appreciated!

Not his official outfit! I've since then made an actual design I like for him and will post that once I finish Moon's :> BUT I liked this pic and didn't feel like redrawing so gonna just have to deal

Details abt this one bc I feel like oversharing and have nothing better to do

. Y/n is a socially anxious nighttime security guard. They have no friends + are mega depressed + self-conscious and hide their face behind a pair of sunglasses even at night + chubby bc I SAY SO. Started a fic with them a long while ago but deleted it cause depression, they liiiiive

. Sun has access to a sewing machine (terrible idea on staff's part btw) in the crafting room and is obsessed with sewing costumes, needles, sewing scissors, that kinda thing bc of course he is. His outfit has degraded over the years so he tries to put it back together with random scraps of red fabric. He has a bunch of needles on his lil waist thing for easy access

. The daycare is actually shut down and has been for a long time, but y/n doesn't know that since they only see it at night. Sun has gone stir crazy without kids to take care of and spends his day making costumes and other crafts, preparing for children to arrive... even though they never will.

. Moon is dormant most of the time bc Sun keeps the lights whenever possible; he's very passive and sweet, and will tell bedtime stories to plushies as a way to cope with the loneliness. He's kind of aware Sun's gone batshit but can't really be bothered to do anything about it, at least not till he gets to know y/n better

I'm not sure if they're separate animatronics and Moon just goes offline when the lights are off cause like I'm prolly gonna give him a different outfit so

. Basic story idea: Y/n is doing one of their night shifts and gets a noise notification coming from the daycare. Since they never got the memo about it being closed down, they assume there's a break in and goes to check it out. Sun is nervous as shit when the two encounter each other, way out of practice with socializing, but quickly warms up and decides he must become their best friend at any cost. Y/n on the other hand is awkward as hell and doesn't know how to act around him. Sun makes as many efforts to lure them into the daycare as possible, and slowly becomes more and more obsessive, going so far as to hack into the webcam of their laptop, the security cams to see what they can see, watching them at the start and ends of shifts to make sure they don't interact with anyone else

Just as y/n begrudgingly starts to warm up to him, the power goes out and they meet Moon for the first time. They have this rlly wholesome plushie bedtime story scene but Moon soon lets slip about the daycare being closed-

Y/n starts to realize some shit is going on and confronts Sun about it but at this point he's way too cheery around them and is always dancing around them and showing them his latest sewing creations... so instead they begin turning off the lights manually every night at set times, telling Sun it's for "routine maintenance" or something but really it's to get more info out of Moon

Perhaps Moon starts to become a lil protective of them too~ They are after all a lot better of a listener than any plushie...

At this point they're both fiercely protective/possessive of y/n and don't want them being friends with anyone else. Cue jealousy and the two fighting for their attention~

At some point or another Moon makes them a friendship bracelet since he knows that'll get to Sun since he likes them so much, and also to mark Y/n as his

Sun finds it the next day, grabs a pair of sewing scissors and cuts it off in his first display of outright anger

Beyond that?? No clue 🥲

I feel compelled to refer to this ver of him as Pincushion...

[autisticlilith]

Something that always struck me about this 'fight' is that it felt really one-sided. Not because the Raven Beast is bigger, but because she's also way more aggressive. We see throughout the show that Eda in her Owl Beast form acts mostly on instinct (and her inner beast, once she starts talking to it, seems to just be hungry or cranky most of the time). We don't get much insight into how Lilith copes with the curse (like none at all after this), so this is going to be a lot of inference.

Off the top, I would like to reiterate that Hayley Wong has repeatedly asked that nobody repost or edit her art without permission. I'm going to be referring to stuff from the boards in this post, so here's the link if you want to look for yourself.

So, in this episode, Eda and Lilith are both angry—specifically at Gwendolyn, and with good reason. They both end up turning into beasts due to a combination of that anger, stress, and the fact their mom thought she was "helping" by taking away their medication.

But here is where they differ. Eda was angry about the current situation: her mom refusing to respect her choices, and causing unnecessary harm to her all day. And Luz even joined in. As Eda says, she has a right to be upset, though I don't think she meant to lose control over the beast.

That's just what happens when she reaches her limit. And she knows her limits, she's been dealing with this curse for 30 years!

Meanwhile, Lilith has been dealing with the curse for... a few weeks, at most? Unless you count dealing with the guilt of cursing Eda as part of that. We see that she's quite unaware of the effects of the curse, as she experienced some symptoms for the first time this very day. She essentially gets told to take an elixir if she starts feeling stressed, and then is left in the house to stew in her guilt and insecurity all day.

Gwen's lukewarm greeting, and the realization that she's paid consistent visits to Eda over the years, is enough to send Lilith into a downward spiral. She starts stress-eating ice cream, and makes cruel comments about King's dad abandoning him (a clear case of projection, and I don't think he really internalizes it after this episode, but seriously that's no way to talk to your 8-year-old nephew), and unfortunately the only voice of reason around is Hooty. Well, he tried.

I want to note here that she doesn't cry. She mopes, she complains, she gets rude and cynical; these are all things we've seen her do before. But she doesn't allow herself to honestly express her feelings, her wants and needs. What's she gonna say? "Hey Mom, can you please pay attention to me?" You can't just ask for things like that. And she's a grown adult, she's more mature than this. She was the head of the Emperor's Coven, for Titan's sake. Didn't she get enough attention there to last a lifetime? And didn't she learn how to repress all her useless emotions and craft a perfect persona to hide behind until she could no longer tell the mask from her face?

She realizes she's indulged her worst thoughts a little too hard when the feathers start popping up, and goes to take an elixir and calm down...

And there are no elixirs.

And she panics. She has no coping strategies for this. She doesn't even know what's going to happen to her, only that it's going to be really, really bad.

It has to be terrifying, and painful... and maybe, just a little bit deserved? This is the fate she forced upon Eda, after all.

We don't see any signs that she damaged the house after she turned, unlike the havoc Eda caused back in The Intruder. King runs to get help, because Eda or Luz would know what to do better than he does, and Raven Beast Lilith seems to pursue him, but she's not after him. She goes after Eda directly. There is no distraction (King also notes that light glyphs had no effect on her), there is no behaviour that can be explained as animal instinct. There is a violent, visceral anger, and instead of addressing its source, she flies out there to take it out on Eda.

This is why I don't buy the interpretation that Gwen started favouring Eda only after the curse. By that point, Lilith was an older teenager almost out of the house, and it's completely reasonable for the parents to be focusing more on the younger kid with a new mysterious illness. I think Eda was always the favourite, or at least got more attention in ways that made Lilith feel overlooked. Part of it was that Eda got in trouble more, whereas Lilith was usually quiet and well-behaved, so everyone just decided that Eda needed more help (which she didn't necessarily want) and Lilith needed none. Lilith got very good at needing nothing. So good that instead of talking to her sister about their impending duel, she decided to curse her in the dead of night instead. And then to keep it a secret until she found a way to undo it, because she never wants to upset anyone or cause a scene. And then to give 30 years of her life to an evil man's crooked system for nothing—less than nothing, she's only going to realize later.

Lilith's breakdown isn't about the fact Gwen is paying attention to Eda again. That's just the trigger for a lifetime of repressed emotions bursting to the surface all at once, and it's been coming for a while.

The Owl Beast seems to be mostly defending herself. At a few points she tries to flee, but the Raven Beast catches her. The Raven Beast is malicious, with exaggerated expressions of rage and what can only be described as cruel glee when she inflicts pain. This seems to come out of nowhere... but only if you haven't been paying attention to Lilith.

We know what Lilith is like at her worst. It wasn't even that long ago she threatened Luz's life in order to capture Eda. All while convinced that she was doing the right thing. She doesn't even have that shield now. She doesn't have much of anything, really, except her sister who refused to leave her out in the cold even after everything she's done. And this is how she repays that trust...?

We also know that Lilith wasn't in control of her actions as the Raven Beast. But that doesn't mean the beast was just doing beast things. I believe it was acting directly on Lilith's intrusive thoughts. Hurting Eda was her greatest shame, and the idea that she could do it again is a constant fear that she has. Unlike Eda, who has long been seen by others as a monster and had to fight her internalized shame about it, Lilith considers herself a monster while everyone around her is unaware of her inner turmoil. She's afraid of herself; she thinks her feelings are ugly and violent and unmanageable. And so that's what they became.

There was a sequence in the storyboards that was cut from the episode, presumably for time, where Gwendolyn tries to use a beastkeeping spell in order to communicate with her beast-daughters. It proves completely ineffective, so she goes to plan B, which is just trying to talk to them like a normal person (also in the boards, Gwen summons firebees to lift roof tiles for her to walk on, which I'm glad got changed to the tiles themselves being flying creatures. it's less distracting). There was something really affecting about watching her try to do things her own way one last time before finally admitting that she's failed the both of them. It painted the picture of this whole family who never talk about anything that's difficult or painful.

Then the scene plays out the way it does: Gwen's words get through to Eda, and allow her to finally face the beast and have an important revelation about herself.

And Lilith? Well, for all the violence she just showed, she breaks down in tears the second she is shown loving care.

When they've changed back, her anger is gone. There is no sign of the monster; there is only a sad, lonely woman who hasn't allowed herself to cry in so long that she almost forgot how. But she's safe now, and she's seen, and she's allowed this healthy expression of emotion. She collapses in the arms of her mother and sister.

After this, Lilith and Gwen had an off-screen conversation, where Lilith admitted she was the one to curse Eda, and decided that she was going to move back home. I could write a whole other post on that first point, but we've reached the end of the episode. I think a major reason why Lilith wanted to stay with mom and dad instead of with Eda is because she's afraid of hurting Eda again. Any time the curse acts up, she becomes a danger to the people around her, but especially to Eda, because of how much of her energy and guilt and shame has been focused around Eda over the years. She needs some time away while she figures out how to deal with the curse, to recover and build up her own identity. And of course, to build the relationship with her parents that she needed as a kid. Better late than never.

[uselesslexbian]

bottoms (2023) sentence starters.

we've looked like shit for years, and we are developing.

we're finally hot. at least, according to me.

nobody's going to want to fuck me this year, just like nobody wanted to fuck me last year or the year before.

i've been building tension.

i'm playing the long game with her, okay?

what the fuck happened to her?

that made me so sad. what?

i don't need this negative, really sad attitude. please.

what the fuck are you wearing?

nobody hates us for being gay. everyone hates us for being gay, untalented, and ugly.

oh my god, she ate shit is what happened.

she ate literal shit? what the fuck?

or did you get beat up again?

yeah, we went to juvie.

i don't want to say it, but we're fucked!

why do you always have to flirt with other women?

it doesn't count if they're not in high school.

would you like a safety ride?

i'm sorry that i looked at mrs. reilly and lightly grazed her left tit, alright?

don't talk to me, you ugly bitch, okay? i do not talk to girls in overalls.

okay, i might be ugly, but these aren't overalls.

you're being really mean right now.

i heard you, like, beat up my boyfriend last night?

maybe i SHOULD buy a gun.

what? don't buy a gun. nobody said buy a gun.

guys do that all the time, okay? that's the point of feminism.

that's not the point of feminism. you also don't care about feminism.

why would you lie to me?

so you killed a girl?

i know how to take a punch.

i was thinking, if they were coming at me with, like, swords and, like, knives, and like, guns and stuff, and you taught me how to punch like that, then i wouldn't die.

can i be honest? you're a person who's not coping with what's going on.

sometimes, when you have a new hobby, don't show up.

that's my favorite way to be an ally. you just say you're doing something, and then you don't do any of those things.

my dad left me, and i'm incredibly punctual.

i'm gonna finally reverse-stalk my stalker.

i'll be able to kill my stepdad.

i love talking about my trauma.

i literally jack off after every single therapy session.

yeah, well, all women are hot to me.

we had to just, like, fight people, sometimes to the death.

i still hear their screams at night, and that guilt will probably shackle me forever.

i realize now, i don't have to be that person anymore. i don't have to just let things happen to me.

i just get the hot people confused. jesus.

i can't answer that question, because i don't know how to read.

no, i would never cheat on you again, okay?

what about, like, a bomb? like a super small bomb. they're super easy to make.

yeah, let's do terrorism.

don't get distracted, 'cause we can be fined like $2 for this.

i really value when people use violence and raise their voices for me. it's actually one of my love languages.

no, leave the skin on his face, will you?

i'm not a fucking idiot. i just look like this.

man, i knew women were evil.

all of the blame just goes on me, then? like, none of this can be traced back to you at all?

i didn't want to do this from the beginning. you know that.

does it even matter? do you even care? do you actually like her? do you care about anyone other than yourself?

do you care about anyone other than yourself?

just find some other girl to jack off to and do nothing about.

if you don't wanna borrow firearms, then why are you here?

sorry, people didn't know you're gay?

i never had many friends, and that's sad. and as i've gotten older in this world, it's just gotten more sad.

okay, well, obviously, why would you lay it out like that? because it sounds insane.

i'm sorry for saying that you have no friends really loud in front of all of your friends.

i'm sorry for being an asshole a lot of the time. most of the time. all of the time.

that is obviously a red flag. are we not reading that as a red flag? that's crazy.

oh, now you want a bomb.

in your fucking dreams, which you don't deserve to have. when you sleep, it should just be like, total darkness.

i do want to say... i feel like you killed that guy.

we killed a lot of guys. we'll process it later.

you didn't have to start a whole fight club just to date me. you could have just talked to me.

[thelonewolf48]

Hello, Blank the series community!

How are we processing the ending of season 1? Are you angry? Do you understand Khun Neung's actions? Do we want to hit her? Yes, you say? 🤣🤣🤣

I wanted to wait a bit (also got busy at work lol) to avoid any spoilers for anyone who don't watch Episode 6 and last one for a while... I don't know how I'm gonna cope with it tbh... I'm following 23.5 and other web series but tbh... never on the level of Blank... I have to admit that GAP did it first but Blank did it better... which, no shade to GAP because FreenBecky, my beloved, chemistry was so good too!

And to clarify, GAP the series also had its own set of problems, most of them regarding money and locations, but what they did, opened the door for more GLs. Some, with good and bad executions, but that's up to each person and their preferences to decide!

BUT ENOUGH OF GAP (the perfect GL, to me!) Let's talk about BLANK!

As a start... I didn't like that they began from when Aneung knocked on Neung's door... it ate like 4 more minutes with them, plus they didn't keep the same tension.

On Episode 5, the tension was felt thanks to the zoom on their faces that lasted quite a good amount of seconds and Faye's minuscule lean.

This time it was cut and then bam! KISS! (NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING!)

I'm not gonna go on full detail because I believe we all watched the episode, there are a few technical things I want to point out but I won't because nah! There was some foreshadowing to the doom that was to come... and no, I don't say this as a person who has read the book 🤭

I will go straight to that last part...

I had to go back to read that last part in the book because I wanted to keep this as accurate as I can.

So, throughout the episode, we see Aneung's family praising how good of a Role Model Neung is for Aneung. This is the first red flag. Then we see Neung still having doubts about their age gap which I find normal in this setting, because it can happen. This is the second red flag.

The final nail to the coffin, and the one I think everyone should consider whenever questioning WHY Neung broke this as cruel as she did, is that she thought she used Aneung as a way to distract her own pain.

In the book, and the reason why I re-read it, Neung sounds more detached, more out of the moment, and at some point even more aggressive about it. In the series, Neung, although also feeling out of the moment, the scene takes a more soft and romantic approach. They show us Neung's walls falling and accepting that she does indeed love Aneung.

Also, the "brake up" is harsher. Feels like a slap.

Now, we have to consider that in the book, right after their love making Aneung goes to school, everything seems fine, heavy, but good enough. Things happen, that I won't reveal because it could be spoilers, but one of those things is that Fah calls Neung about the funeral and everything. Fah is the one telling Neung that she trusts Neung, she's a role model, and she knows she will take care of Aneung.

Here, there is something I wanted to point out. To hear Fah say it, right after what happened it's what triggers Neung to break Aneung's heart. As logical as Neung is, that is the conclusion she gets after everything.

Aneung is young, thus can fall in love again with someone around her age. This is the conclusion Neung forms in her head. Plus, she sees something else that triggers a reaction. Something we will see in season 2 😆 so, no spoilers but maybe some of you can imagine what.

Neung is very logical, very cutthroat, and as stubborn as their grandmother. We have to remember that, as the eldest, she was trained to be the next heir. So, her life was very, very different. If you see any royal family, the image they project is one of perfection. So, it's no wonder that Neung learnt how to mask her feelings. If something hurts, hurt it back a thousand times worse. Or better yet, just ignore it.

Neung, just like Sam after she became the heir, prefers avoid her feelings because she knows caring equals pain. So, why bother?

There's a whole process Neung does before she goes to Aneung, in the book.

But I have to admit that the series spin was chef kiss! I'm sure that Neung, after waking up, was blaming herself for letting things escalate so quickly.

I will defend Neung with my whole heart because the traumas she carries makes her scared. And like a feral animal, the only way she knows how to defend herself is attacking. She pushes and pushes until she proves to herself that she is right. Everyone leaves.

I could continue rambling and going and just word spit things, but I have to sleep 🤣🤣🤣

Don't share spoilers if you read the book! Unless people want them, I will keep my posts spoiler free! Either way, if anyone wants to discuss the book, you can send me a message too!

Once again, I say this Blank the series set the bar waaaaaaay too high! I can't deny it!

Anyway, guys, do you agree? Disagree? Let's have a respectful debate!

[shibainu2006]

Hey, Shiba!! Been a while, buuuut I’m back to bother you with a request! How about Leona, Ace, and Ruggie with an S/O who copes with their shit mental health via energy drinks, coffee and escapism?

They’re always reading and listening to music and daydreaming almost 24/7. They drink water, like, once every 2 weeks (if they feel like self-care) and they rarely ever actually eat or sleep because they feel like they actually have control for once in their life. They also have periods where they drop everyone and it’s near impossible to get ahold of them unless you into their room.

Author's note: If you don't fucking take care of yourself, I'm gonna burn this entire planet into a crisp with you on it. GO DRINK SOME GODDAMN WATER!

Leona Kingscholar

Herbivore... why..?

He doesn't understand why it's so hard for you to take care of yourself, but he has no qualms with either forcing you, doing it himself, or making Ruggie do it.

He let you have coffee in the morning, but after that, you're done.

You're forced to drink water for the rest of the day.

No, you cannot have an energy drink. You abused that privilege.

When you read, he likes to recommend books to you, and he'll even try to find books with uplifting messages to try and make you feel better.

He's not too good with emotions, but he does try his hardest to make sure you're alright.

He'll even cuddle you while you listen to music, and allow you to relax and daydream.

You've been forced to eat and sleep, by the way.

No late nights.

No skipping meals...

You take care of yourself properly, even if he has to make you.

He'll have Ruggie bring in a nice meal for you.

And definitely bring melatonin or sleepy time tea to make sure you get proper rest.

He'll steal you from your class for a nap, too, if he finds that you didn't sleep the night before.

The second you cut the world off, he'll give you time, but eventually he WILL come see you.

Leona knows how hard it is to actually get a hold of you, so he'll just go to you himself.

You only get a solid day to yourself before he shows up to make sure you're healthy.

Leona cares very deeply for you, so don't ever go thinking you can just stop caring for yourself.

Ace Trappola

Dude, you cannot be serious!

Ace is so done.

The second he found out, he was right at your door with a hot meal and water.

Ace will literally hold you down to make you sleep. He will not allow you to go without for even a second!

He even goes as far as to do your school work for you so you can rest.

He'll let you have your music and books.

He'll take you out to the library to read there, too, so you can't cut the world off.

Ace don't play those games.

He'll pester you about your caffeine intake, and if that doesn't work, then he'll just hide it all from you.

No more coffee

No more redbull

Only water and tea.

He'll search up actual good coping skills and give you a horribly written list of things that are far better than what you're doing.

He even offers you a listening ear.

He'll listen to your rant for as long as needed if it'll help you out.

He just wants to make sure you're okay

Ruggie Bucchi

Oh hell no.

The minute he hears about this, you're fucked.

You come back to a nice dinner with WATER as a drink.

A nice bath was waiting for you, too.

There's smooth jazz playing to relax you as well.

The second you ask for coffee or anything caffeinated, he'll shoot you the dirtiest look known to man and tell you no.

He'll have your favorite books set out for you and even bought some scented candles for you.

Bro abandoned Leona to make sure you'd take care of yourself.

That's how bad this is.

The second you even TRY to cut everyone off, he won't let you.

He'll take you to a nice secluded area, and you'll both take a walk there.

Ruggie wants what's best for you, and disassociating is not it.

Ruggie always has a book on hand for you, and he makes sure it's one that's to your taste, so you'll enjoy it.

You can daydream for a certain amount of time before it's time to come back to reality.

Overall, Ruggie is just caring to you.

He becomes a mother hen when you get like that.

[sun-undone]

the cinematography in the first Jiara confrontation scene in 3x04 is so fucking good and i just need to rant about it for a bit. specifically the repeated camera angle that frames Jiara through the broken porch screen.

as some very important context, the screen was broken back in 1x07 when JJ tried to give the stolen 25k to Luke to pay for his restitution. JJ and Luke got into a pretty brutal fight that ended with them crashing through the screen and JJ almost killing Luke with a wrench in pretty much the same spot that Jiara is standing during their conversation in this 3x04 scene. the ghosts of that confrontation and all that trauma from Luke in general are ever-present in this scene and inform so much of JJ's reaction throughout the scene, and i think this continued camera angle through the broken screen is clear symbolism of that.

btw the theme of every post i ever make could be "i might be reading into everything way too much" but i'd like to think that these camerawork decisions were meaningful, so i'm running with the assumption that they were

so the first time we see this angle is right after Kie tells JJ that Big John is alive:

they're both clearly happy about the news, it's the lightest part of the scene by a landslide, and yet we get this angle reminding us of JJ's broken home and family life, specifically with his own father. so even though JJ is smiling about Big John being alive and John B being reunited with him, this angle portrays maybe some internal feelings of jealousy or grief for his own situation or even a bit of foreshadowing that Big John may not be good for John B, which this episode absolutely starts to show us.

the second instance of this angle is when Kie starts to shift the conversation from Big John and the treasure to how she wanted to check on JJ:

i LOVE how they're both framed so perfectly in the open part of the screen, it really symbolizes how Kie has noticed JJ pulling back and is actively trying to show him that she's gonna be there for him no matter what. they're literally positioned together in this symbolic open wound of JJ's.

the third and fourth times that we see this angle are after JJ has pulled away from the second almost kiss with Kie and is rattling off all the reasons why they could never work out:

he even calls direct attention to the porch screen and everything that it and the house in general represents for him when he throws an empty beer can (which is also incredibly fitting) through the hole. the angle lingers throughout this portion because he feels so trapped in his history and his reputation and his trauma, and he's desperately trying to push Kie away cause he's convinced himself so deeply that he doesn't deserve the love that she's offering. the ghost of Luke calling him a worthless piece of shit (and probably countless other things throughout his life) is kind of holding him hostage here, and the angle persisting portrays that feeling of believing something for so long that it becomes the only thing you know. it’s literally and metaphorically framing his view of himself through the trauma he’s experienced. all of that baggage is always clouding the edges of his self-image, just like the porch screen is framing these shots.

as JJ goes on to ask why Kie should even care about him and his shitty situation, we continue to get the angle. he's still self-destructing as well as taking his anger out on the trash in the yard, turning his back to Kie as he insists that she doesn't (shouldn't) care about him, but she continues to bridge the gap between them, once again moving to place herself firmly inside that symbolic open wound right along with him.

the final time we get this angle is when JJ has decided to remove himself from the situation because Kie won't take his bait of trying to push her away and it's just become too much for him:

i definitely think that this reflex of his to run away from difficult conversations is an unhealthy coping mechanism caused by the abuse that he's suffered (and we've consistently seen examples of him shutting down emotional shit and self-isolating throughout the series so far). his inability to comprehend how anyone but especially Kie could love him and have a desire to help him unconditionally is also absolutely a side-effect of his trauma and abandonment issues, so it makes perfect sense for this moment to also be framed through that broken porch screen. it's reminding us exactly where this reaction comes from. if anyone watching was wondering "why is JJ acting like this??? what's his problem????" then hopefully they can realize that they've got their answer from the very composition of this shot.

this is kind of a mess, my brain has really not been working very well recently but i hope it makes some kind of sense. basically i love these shots and they make me incredibly emotional because of how weighty they are. luke wasn't in this season at all but his presence was very much felt. that is all

[carefulfears]

Can you compare the Irresistible hug and the Milagro hug please !!!!!!!!! I love Milagro so much

okay our best and brightest @scullysflannel already talked about this once but let's chat on it (+ unruhe because i watched it last night) just for you babes xxx

/ irresistible

irresistible is my favorite of the three, and my favorite scully trauma™ episode, as it's the most dedicated to the emotional progression.

this episode encapsulates an understanding that the x-files never shied from, that the scariest monsters are human men, it's pointless to pretend otherwise.

fresh off her abduction, a violation and loss of autonomy that she still doesn't understand, scully's reaction to the crimes of donnie pfaster is intimate: his victims are the dead, a group she's always been more connected with than most.

her grief and discomfort at the desecration of women that she's bearing witness to is so overwhelming, and it's something that she's alone in, as the men around her continue with business as usual.

as the investigation continues, scully decides to go back to washington, telling mulder that she'll "better drive this investigation" if she focuses on the evidence.

SCULLY: I'm not having trouble, Mulder.

MULDER: I'd understand, Scully. This isn't exactly easy to stomach.

SCULLY: I'm fine with it. Really. I just think we're a long way from catching this guy. If we could get a print, we'd have something to go on. Right now we're at a standstill.

MULDER: I think it's a good idea. I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me, Scully. I've seen agents with twenty years in the field fall apart on cases like this.

Scully: I'm fine, Mulder. I can handle it.

i love this scene. his response here is so perfect. apart from checking in and asking if she's okay a couple of times, he hasn't commented on her state of mind in this situation, but he knows she's having a hard time. he supports her decision to take a step back, playing along that it's a "good idea" for her to direct her attention to the tangible evidence, but encourages her to communicate how she's feeling.

and he tells her that to struggle with a case like this is understandable, it doesn't matter how much experience you have or your position, it's normal.

(another understanding that this show always had: to react emotionally to the brutality of the world and the exploitation of the vulnerable is human, it's the people who look at destruction unflinching who are wrong.)

back in D.C., scully sees her therapist. she tries, you guys. scully's "i'm fine" complex has never meant that she ignores a problem or shuts down, she tries to cope in a way that she's comfortable with. she removes herself from the scene. she goes where she'll be more useful. she schedules therapy.

MULDER: Are you staying on there, Scully?

SCULLY: No. I'm coming back tonight.

MULDER: Look, Scully. I know this is a pretty horrific case -

SCULLY: I'm okay with it, Mulder. Besides, you can use my help.

MULDER: Always.

after her session, scully decides to go back. she's okay with it. she's going to keep trying.

this is one of my favorite moments. she spends this entire episode putting on a front, he spends it meeting her exactly where she is; saying, "i see you," but only to comfort, not expose.

her "you can use my help," is one of their jokes. a way to say, "i'm okay, i'm ready," that's lighthearted and doesn't show too much. when he responds, "always," his voice has such a different tone. it's so earnest, and sweet. his response takes her very seriously, her contribution and state of mind and comfort.

she'd told her therapist, "i trust [my partner] as much as anyone. i trust him with my life...but i don't want him to know how much this is bothering me." he already knows.

(her smile on the phone, they are best friends)

i'm gonna borrow from the post linked up top for this next bit:

"Scully’s abduction is the major turning point in terms of how much the job affects her, and Irresistible is basically a replay of her abduction that gives her more control: she gets the catharsis of a fight, and she knows who she’s fighting (men)."

after being taken by pfaster, when she's found, she pulls out one more "i'm fine," but her suppression and image can't withstand confrontation. mulder gently lifts her chin, and the moment she meets his eye, she breaks down crying into his chest. she tries so hard, she has "always been the strong one," she did not want him to know that this was bothering her. but you can't survive it without facing it.

i didn't notice until today that her gag is still around her neck, she's still so ensnared. police are still making arrangements around them. it all just fades away though.

(he's whispering "it's alright," just for her to hear. when she moves her arms to hold onto him, pull him closer, his face breaks. he closes his eyes to keep from crying. he's so careful with her after her abduction, he's never had anyone come back before. this is a moment they're in together, a sort of catharsis after she returned. it's so foreign and painful to be needed, for the first time in so long.)

/ unruhe

unruhe, written by my beloved vince gilligan, is the most introspective that the x-files ever gets on the dichotomous reactions to gendered violence.

"She can hear him, still stomping around inside the trailer, no doubt looking through the pictures carefully, hoping for yet more insight into the depths of the now-dead serial killer’s mind. In the back of her throat, burning acid threatens to force its way up. The luxury of curiosity, she thinks."

-selbst

throughout unruhe, mulder is hyper-focused on gaining an understanding, attempting to find the killer (and at first, the abducted women) by looking into what has been left behind, and dismissing any other courses of action.

ultimately, nothing he does assists in the case at all, and it's scully's connections and discernments that locate schnauz, mulder and herself never on the same page. unlike irresistible's quiet contemplation and gentle understanding, they're consistently frustrated with each other.

(note that in this episode, scully is bound and held captive by a man obsessed with the loss of his sister. a dynamic that she is very aware of, as she asks schnauz, "why [do i need to be saved]? do i remind you of your sister?")

from the moment that schnauz's first victim resurfaces and they do the PET scan (something that only scully is able to read and understand, not mulder. something again rooted in her personal background), there is a shift in scully.

these women are being lobotomized, and they're being lobotomized incorrectly. schnauz is weaponizing medicine that he doesn't have proper knowledge of, and reducing these women into nothing. when mary lefante is found, she is unable to speak, except to repeat over and over the motivation of her captor ("unruhe," the german word for "unrest.")

things escalate when the body of the second victim is found, and in my favorite scene of the episode, mulder and scully quietly observe the remains in horror, before scully just walks off and gets back in the car (in the driver's seat, a rare occurrence).

MULDER: Hey, Scully, that word "unruhe", "unrest", is bothering me. Maybe he thought he was curing them somehow, saving them from damnation, from those things in the pictures, you know, he called them the "howlers."

SCULLY: It's over, Mulder.

MULDER: Well, then that photo wouldn't be his fantasy. It would be his nightmare.

SCULLY: What the hell does it matter?

MULDER: Because I want to know.

SCULLY: I don't.

(She starts the engine. Mulder stares at her for a second, then gets in the car.)

when mulder approaches the car to ramble about "unruhe," scully never looks over at him or makes eye contact. she doesn't wait for him to get in the car before putting on her seatbelt and starting it. it is over.

i've written about this before (in the previously linked post), but mulder always wants to believe that people who do evil things have a good reason, that they didn't really mean to. that they were just trying to help, or were just following a biological imperative. scully knows that it doesn't matter.

it's the ending of 2shy, when mulder is right, incanto is only killing women because he needs their fatty tissue to survive. and he looks at scully and says, "when you look at me, you see a monster, but i was just feeding the hunger." and scully answers, "you're more than a monster. you didn't just feed on their bodies, you fed on their minds."

what the hell does it matter?

ultimately, scully is forced to "empathize" with schnauz, to survive. she has to utilize the insights that mulder gleamed about him to forge a connection with him, and stall. (she is always listening, and she knows mulder is right. sometimes it just doesn't make things any better.)

as the situation progresses, when she hears mulder outside she's able to wrestle her arm out of its constraint and rip the tape off of her mouth. by the time mulder breaks in and shoots schnauz, she's all but freed herself.

mulder takes her hand and helps her up, and she bypasses him, walking out of the trailer into the light, with one last look back at schnauz. she leaves mulder with the body, as he's looking at the photos. (the luxury of curiosity.)

the only time that we see scully show emotion or vulnerability in this episode, is in the final frame. sitting alone in her apartment, she looks at the altered photos of herself, and her lip quivers as we cut to the ending credits.

where irresistible saw her actively trying to gain control, unruhe is more genuine. she's not trying to conceal anything, she's just tired, and she's alone.

/ milagro

ah, milagro. quintessentially season 6 in a way that i can never establish as positive or negative.

milagro is all about desire: a desire for attention, for approval, for relevance. it's only fitting that it should be so punishing.

ultimately, milagro is about voyeurism, and we have this represented through our monster-of-the-week: scully's stalker phillip padgett.

when scully meets padgett (who had recently moved into the apartment next to mulder) in a church, it's to observe the painting displayed there, "my divine heart."

as he reveals that he knew she would be there to see the painting, as well as many personal details that he has "noticed" about her, it's a heavily emotional discomfort to be so seen.

so much of this episode builds in padgett's apartment, just one door over from mulder. when scully knocks, she tells padgett she was on her way next door and just thought she'd stop and return the milagro charm that he'd given her (a symbol of a burning heart) because she "can't return the gesture."

we talked about this when we talked about small potatoes, but this episode is...embarrassing for her! the kind of attention that she craves is embarrassing to her.

when she comes into padgett's apartment, padgett remarks that it's because she's "curious." she notices things too.

SCULLY: Well, you lead a curious life.

PHILLIP PADGETT: It's not so different from yours I imagine-- lonely.

SCULLY: Loneliness is a choice.

loneliness is a choice, babes! the way that small potatoes ended in classification of mulder as a "loser by choice" (for all of the things he could have, and all of the things he chooses not to pursue), and scully absolving him of that criticism, milagro puts the agency of this mutual repression back onto scully.

(choice and agency is a very important reiterated theme in scully's character. this whole thing only works if she chooses to be here.)

and when mulder comes in to arrest padgett based on evidence found in the murder case, scully is in his bedroom by choice. (very very embarrassing for her)

like these tags said, "psychologist mulder taking two years to connect the dots scully laid out for him in never again."

god, this episode makes me so uncomfortable. it's also the only one of these three that i've never rewatched, so that's why i'm a little more lax in discussing it.

MULDER: No one can predict human behavior. No one can tell you what another person's going to do.

SCULLY: Well, isn't that what you do, Mulder, as a behavioral profiler? You … you imagine the killer's mind so well that you know what they're going to do next.

MULDER: If he imagines it, it's a priori-- before the fact. I think that's pretty clear from what he wrote about you.

laughs nervously...isn't that what you do!! don't you know people's minds and desires!!

when mulder tells scully that padgett's book ends with her having sex with the narrator, and asks, "i'm assuming that's a priori too?" it's so reminiscent of office desks and tattoo ink.

when she replies, "i think you know me better than that," they're both thinking of philadelphia, of something etched in her back that they've never put to words. that too, ended in fire, with desire punished.

(i'm always slack jawed at him asking her flat-out if she fucked the stalker. quintessential season 6, baby! eat your heart out!)

PHILLIP PADGETT: I made a mistake myself.

MULDER: What's that, Mr. Padgett?

PHILLIP PADGETT: In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. (looking at MULDER) Agent Scully is already in love.

agent scully is already in love, agent scully already desires so viscerally, (agent scully is making things personal, as mulder had rebutted in defense of diana, not long enough ago)

i know a lot of people love this line, but it just makes me want to weep for her. scully is such a discreet person, she values her privacy so much, and has so little of it left. it's the emotional equivalent of her physical exploitation, to have her most personal and intimate feelings exposed like this. 

loneliness is a choice, and that’s her’s to make, the way mulder’s choice was affirmed in small potatoes.

(padgett as a character is a stand-in, he represents the voyeurism of an audience, of projecting a persona onto someone for personal gratification. he isn't ascribed any motive. but this to me, feels like a power trip, even if unintentional. he's perhaps just being honest, but he's recognizing that he can't have her body, so he exposes her soul. he also doesn't know scully as well as he thinks he does.)

both never again and milagro are about a caricaturized self, embracing or rebuking who you are in someone else's eyes. whether scully is perceiving herself as mulder's loyal first mate who "always does as told" or padgett's lonely object of lust, she responds by leaning into that exposure, going where she's wanted, and continuing her ascribed "cycle" of devotion and rebellion.

the reveal in the end, is that this week's monster is not truly padgett, but a character that he's created, who is committing the murders described in his book.

like padgett himself, the killer is a personification of longing; it's him who declares that the only way for the book to conclude, is for scully to die.

but just as jerse did in never again, padgett throws himself in the fire to narrowly absolve scully of the fated ending, and sacrifices his heart for hers.

when mulder realizes what's happening and races back up into his apartment, the sight is bone-chilling. she actually looks dead, unconscious and covered in blood, from a wound that's now healing.

when she wakes up and sees him over her, she reaches for him as abruptly as she opens her eyes. she claws into him, her fingers never stop grabbing at him, pulling him closer and closer and sobbing into his neck.

so little of it actually matters. she almost died without him there. this is after tithonus, and she's remembering those lessons again. (what about love? you don't want to be around when it's gone.)

and just as in irresistible, mulder breaks too, feeling the weight with her.

/

anon, to compare the three, i would say they each represent the theme of their particular place in the narrative and scully's characterization.

irresistible is the fragile dependence of a post-abduction season 2: perceiving comfort as a weakness, fear as a burden, but needing it anyway. recognizing who you trust, what that means, and that wounds can't heal in detachment. from each other and from the brutalization of the world itself.

unruhe is the building isolation of season 4: going where someone can’t follow, whether in societal experience or the looming instability that’s close ahead.

and milagro is the painfully confrontational tension of season 6. having your heart ripped out of your chest, bleeding, in attempts to be understood. just clutching what you need, weeping, in the end: there’s no use fighting it. (or hiding it. loneliness is a choice, but there’s freedom in being stripped of options)

it is a growth, in a diminishment of pretense and self-consciousness. it just comes at a cost.

i also want to bring it back to @scullysflannel’s post on this topic, because she summarized another aspect of it that i didn’t touch on:

“Scully tells the therapist in Irresistible that she doesn’t want Mulder to think he has to protect her, and I feel like the end of Milagro is about Scully accepting his type of protection, and by extension his type of love. Padgett makes her want Mulder to pursue her in a way he’s never done, but Padgett also ultimately shows her the danger of being sought after like that, and it makes Mulder’s straightforward protectiveness look pretty good. it doesn’t matter right then if Mulder is giving her everything she wants. she needs him.”

milagro is about desire, and ultimately it’s about a relinquishing of desire. scully is drawn to padgett because he offers her something that mulder doesn’t (won’t?) give her, and she’s ripped to pieces because of it.

it is punishing, to want something so badly. ultimately, when she almost loses it all, she’s clinging to what she has.

(but mulder is learning too, and they’ll get there. they’ll get to all of it.)

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

I can't stop thinking about the Kurokawa siblings in the OG-timeline

Of course, Tokyo Revengers manga spoilers, be aware!!!

Okay, bare with me because I'm gonna try to explain my point. Maybe I'm just trying to cope with Tenjiku animated because just thinking that Emma and Izana never saw each other in this time-line broke me.

(always broke me, but the anime is re-opening the wound >.< )

(I'm just blaiming this freaking and sad openning)

We all know what will happen in this time-line, right? But I always wished that in some other time-line, Izana kept his promise, that he come back to Emma. Because he promised to her and there is no way that I could believe that in a time-line where his not blinded by his rage to Mikey, he will not try to find Emma.

Okay, we all know this, right? Here is where my theory starts (remember, this is me coping).

What we actually know about the Original time-line? (besides is fuck up xD)

Mikey's accident was the 30th of July in 1999.

Mikey's death the 20th of July 4 years later, in 2003.

We also know that in the other time-lines, Shinichiro came to see Izana at the orphanage when Izana was around ten years old, so in 1997 (also, Shinichiro still have his high-school uniform and looks like a teenager, what makes sense because his supposed to be seventeen there).

We also know that grandpa Sano is death and Emma ran away from home. What is fucking tragic and concerning because in that moment Emma is only 11 years old (her birthday is on November).

(yes, I put a lot of kid Izana because his adorable and he deserves the world xD)

So, here goes my theory:

Izana probably started to freak out when suddenly Shinichiro stopped visiting him and writing him letters. Probably, in some point, Shin wrote him a short letter explaining that Manjiro was sick and he had to take care of him (maybe it's being months since the accident, the canon show us that Shinichiro was only focused on Manjiro after the accident).

We can all imagine how that felt for Izana. Remember that he's still a kid, twelve years old, so he doesn't understand the gravity of Manjiro's situation. He just feels like his being replaced. So, in some point, Izana snaps.

I can totally picture kid Izana going to the hospital to see Shinichiro (probably follow by a poor Kakucho that even being the smaller, knows this is a terrible idea). Maybe Izana wanted to confront Shinichiro, maybe he wanted to confront Mikey (he doesn't know his real state). But once he see Mikey's room, once he see the reality of what happened... He just can't be mad. Because he's a kid with mental health problems and his seeing the non-brother that he wanted to hate paralyzed in a hospital bed. So he will probably have an emotional breakdown.

So in my head-canon, he starts visiting the hospital more. Never showing to Shinichiro that he was there, always trying to keep it a secret, even if he doesn't understand why (Izana being obssessive is canon, we know).

In some of this secret-visits... He sees Emma. And Emma sees him. Remember, they are still kids, maybe it's being a year or two since the accident, so 2000, 2001? Izana will be fourteen, Emma ten. So it's awkward at the beginning, but they start to talk.

I can picture them walking in the gardens of the hospital, being uncomfortable with each other at the beginning. But slowly, Izana starts to remember his little sister. His promise to came back for her. And Emma is clearly not being taking care by Shinichiro at this point (not judging Shin, it is what it is)

So, when grandpa Sano dies, who was the only adult taking care of Emma... Emma didn't just ran away. Izana took her. Izana came back for Emma and refused to let her in and empty house with an absent brother and the ghost of the other. We already know that Izana took Kakucho from the orphanage when he went out of juviee, so this is not out of character for him. Izana would do the same for Emma if he ever saw her being neglected in the original time-line.

So yeah, I found the time-line where the Kurokawa siblings story doesn't end up that freaking traumatic.

In the original time-line, Izana came back for Emma, he keep his promise.

(so now I'm going to pretend this is canon and not cry with Emma in Tenjiku)

[ckret2]

How are ford and dipper interacting with Bill. (especially after their ptsd due to how he hurt them)

So "how are they interacting with Bill OVERALL" is a big question—and one i've already touched on in a couple previous asks—so to shrink the question to manageable size, I'm gonna interpret this one more as "talk about any Bill-related trauma Ford and Dipper might have and how seeing him again impacts it."

I actually don't think either of them necessarily developed PTSD (although Ford has worse odds). Not because they didn't go through traumatic experiences thanks to Bill, but rather just because not everyone who goes through a traumatic experience develops PTSD. Some excerpts from the National Institute of Mental Health:

It is important to remember that not everyone who lives through a dangerous event develops PTSD. In fact, most people will not develop the disorder.

Many factors play a part in whether a person will develop PTSD. Risk factors make a person more likely to develop PTSD. Other factors, called resilience factors, can help reduce the risk of the disorder.

Some factors that may promote recovery after trauma include:

Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family

Finding a support group after a traumatic event

Learning to feel good about one’s own actions in the face of danger

Having a positive coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event and learning from it

Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear

The Pines are part of a close knit family that shared in Weirdmageddon, and 3/4 of them were puppeted, hurt, and/or manipulated by Bill and can commiserate. They also have friends in Gravity Falls they can talk to about their Bill experiences. Although Ford and Dipper are ashamed of being fooled by Bill in the past, even during the course of the show they started helping each other process that; and all four of them have reason to be proud of how they faced Weirdmageddon. They all ultimately responded to their fears by taking action. The family's in a good position to get through the aftermath with minimal lingering trauma!

The biggest potential issues are their physical isolation from their support network, and Gravity Falls' Never Mind All That Act hampering people from talking with each other; but if you assume they're still regularly talking with each other on phone or online and that people are still willing to talk in private amongst friends about Weirdmageddon, I think they can get around the majority of those issues. (Plus, realistically, the Never Mind All That Act would hamper recovery from trauma; but since it was clearly intended to be a funny cartoon joke about life going back to normal, I don't want to narratively treat it like a serious thing with serious consequences.)

(I'm also on the fence about headcanoning whether Dipper & Mabel tell their parents; Dipper spends most of summer trying to tell the nearest adult relative all about the weird stuff in Gravity Falls and Mabel immediately writes to mom & dad about the new gruncle that came out of a magic portal, I don't see why they'd stop that when they get home. Odds the parents get the kids therapy is like 90% but odds they'd let the kids go back next summer is 5% so... *makes a weighing scales gesture*)

So I think they'll get through with minimal trauma-trauma. But the scars of the incident can show on them in ways other than full-blown PTSD.

The worst of it Dipper experiences is nightmares. Sometimes about Bill, sometimes about being stuck outside his body while it sleeps below. Admittedly, nothing to sneeze at; few things are more terrifying than waking up, disoriented and in the dark, from a nightmare about a guy who can actually invade nightmares—you can spend the next half hour asking yourself "what if it was real?" But if you've got a sister in the next room to reassure you it wasn't real and a grunkle in a weird time zone you can call at 3 am to hear he's had similar dreams for thirty years and they never meant anything... eventually a half hour of fear becomes five minutes of fear and the dreams become annoying instead of terrifying.

If anything, being in the Shack with Bill helps Dipper deal with the nightmares—it's reassuring to be able to wake up from a Bill nightmare, bellow "GET OUT OF MY DREAMS YOU FREAK," and hear back from the floor below, "I'M NOT IN YOUR DREAMS, I'M WATCHING TURNER CLASSIC MOVIES WITH ABUELITA."

Even his dreams about out-of-body experiences have decreased since coming back to the shack—that's probably a sign of healing, right?

(One of the things Bill plans never to admit to the humans: he still has a sizable amount of dream-related magic, and he's started shoving Dipper's soul back in his body whenever Bill sees him astral projecting because he's sick of getting blamed for Dipper's "nightmare" when he wakes up.)

Between Dipper and Ford, Ford's the most likely to actually get PTSD—specifically because at the outset, he got the least emotional support. After he found out Bill's motives, he was trapped alone in his house for weeks, afraid that the world could end if he fell asleep, until the point that he was hallucinating Bill in other people's eyes—if it was a hallucination.

That extreme sleep deprivation, that paranoia, that terror, and most of all that isolation from any support—THAT sure could trigger PTSD.

But Ford's had thirty years to process that, all while traveling through a multiverse full of people like "oh, THAT Bill Cipher? Oh yeah we totally sympathize, that's the exact kind of thing that guy would do." Getting dumped into the multiverse probably gave him a better shot of healthily processing the experience than he could have had on Earth. (Note that he's not checking people's eyeballs when he gets home from the multiverse.)

On the other hand, I do believe he's got some noteworthy trauma from thirty years in the multiverse, but never mind that! (You could arguably call that "caused" by Bill—but I don't think interacting with Bill conjures up memories of traumatic multiversal travels for Ford. He didn't see Bill during those 30 years. His mind sorts them in different boxes.)

The biggest negative psychological impact Bill left on Ford is trust issues. When he first returned to Gravity Falls, that was more global—TRUST NO ONE. Those trust issues have shrunk a lot—now it's just "don't trust Bill." Bill could tell Ford the sky is blue, and he'd have to go look to make sure Bill isn't trying to keep Ford from finding out that the sky's turned pink.

Upside: this makes it almost impossible for Bill to mess with Ford's head. Ford is all but mess-proof. Everything Bill says carries zero weight with him. Downside: this makes it almost impossible for them to carry on a conversation.

(Bill's the only one who considers this a downside. He's looking for a way to twist Ford into regretting not listening to Bill. Maybe the next time the kids are in trouble, he'll go tell Ford first, and then he can feel all self-righteous when Ford feels all guilty about brushing Bill off and not helping the kids.)

[vsyrworld]

carlos thought after charles dsq in cota? but make it unintentionally funny like how charles coping

ehe this is gonna be a quick one

"it is so close to podium. argh" rupert knock at the debrief table. "if it wasnt because of your tyre" guzman added, "you could have been in P3"

"I know" is he? well he isn't actually even with good pitstop, mclaren still too fast. ofcourse he is hoping podium he was so sure. until he wasn't sure about their result when he see the next garage seems moving in rush. so chaotic until charles left his phone on the garage chair. Ricky entered the room with Charles' phone while keeping eye glued into the garage curiously, "well i think the debrief is post poned"

"oh? what happen?" carlos had no idea. seriously no idea. is it... "Charles?" he took charles phone from his strategist

"apparantely..." guzman sighed tiredly. thinking what media content he should post to fix this upcoming damage.

carlos sighed too. playing with charles phone for a bit before realizing his lockscreen is more blant and minimalistic than he used before, than he used with only carlos. the spaniard grins as he holding the screen pretty long so he could edit his lockscreen, swipe left until find the saved theme lockscreen he is searching for.

minutes comes into hours and carlos yawned. there is nothing more particular intersting in charles phone.

one by one member of red comes to debrief room, chitchatting in anxiety, mumbling "disqualification", fear and sweaty forehead displaying enough clearly to see something is wrong about charles.

the room is so hot suddenly, he couldnt breath at all. its like somebody put something on the flame. carlos inhale only found a hot breathy air that exhaled from the member. humid-sticky, suffocating, just like inside cockpit in singapore, or qatar. how so it's fucking hot inside an AC room especially the sun already came?

he stands up aburptly making guzman and rickt startled beside him, "gonna go get fresh air first. its so hot suddenly"

rupert giving him an eyebrow. he just-- look its so hot here okay? carlos just give him a high five on the air.

he get out only to bumping with Charles. Red face, flushed by tears? oh is it sweat?

"Charles...? I head you dis--" his finger itch to crawl Charles to his arms but his teammate only grin

"Carlos! you had no idea what i bought you" charles put his arms behind his back so carlos couldnt see it

Carlos frowns, Charles giggled.

"Tara!" Charles shows both of his hands wrapped around...

a trophy, P3 tropy?!

"What the fuck?" Indeed Carlos, what would Charles present him the thropy just after he got back from steward room

"What?" his teammate slightly annoyed, "You in podium mate! Here" Charles shoved the trophy to Carlos before passing by him

Carlos shook his head and hold his teammate arms "Wait, Charles. I... Are you okay?"

Charles chukled as he turns around to face him, "Oh don't pity me Carlos" his voice free from malicious tone. he meet with dimples and smile,

"dont worry, i'm not angry or jealous to you" his teammate step closer, enough to brushing their nose together quickly before retreating himself back

carlos eyeing him in doubt," Charles Marc Herve..." he had a habit to call his teammate with his fullname if Charles start joking about his mental health or trying shove away his depression.

"Whaat? It true!" Charles tilt his neck to left and carlos automaticaly brought his palm to massage the sore spot Charles showing.

He hummed as Carlos reach the perfect spot, "Besides..." charles slowly open his closed in content eyes. green. beautiful, full of poison, toxic, death.

oh. carlos hands movement stops at the moment. Charles rolled his shoulder back and cracked his neck.

"I need to give some of a lesson" His teammate smile at him, no not smiling. its..

he is turning into sly fox. his dimples out, but tounge sharp as knife.

"I'm gonna make the debrief is long ass exciting, don't wait for me. you can go celebrate your podium!" He winked then goes inside the debrief room

carlos could hear ,"ciaoo guyys. where do we fucking need to start, hm?" before the door closed and he whinced his eyes painfuly

there only reason why the room grows hot.

yeah of course, carlos took his phone and called lando, "im joining the party. wait me"

he doesn't need to watch charles do another genocide inside the room.

later that night in club, his phone blink from notification. it's charles--

"enjoying your podium? say thanks to me by give me head massage will you? i think i accidently damage several parts of it"

and rather drunk in countryside club, carlos prefer here. staying contently with chill temperature, not too hot or cold, charles head resting on his lap, his finger gently massage the soft browns lock, scents of lavender oil slick across charles forehead.

in the room, charles always bring his plus one company. some race he bring anger and it banged into the fourwall, made a mess before his energy deplated and flop down into carlos soft chest.

some race, charles bring melancholy, staying quite for long time, only feeling warm cuddles and burying himself further into carlos neck.

on gloomy day at suzuka, charles bring cloud and rain. it took several forehead and long deep kisses from Carlos to make it stop pouring.

this time at cota, carlos confused as charles bring out a sun. lounging on his lap, streching like a cat while enjoying carlos massage

"you making me worry. are you sure you are okay?" carlos smoothering down his forehead

"im more worried about lewis though"

which making carlos frowns, "carino. what hell?"

"no but look." charles sits up and rest his back against carlos chest. carlos brough his arm to support charles waist, letting his teammate to fully rest on his body, he facing him side by side, "He is not used to get this feeling"

again, a frown.

"i mean" charles snuggles closer, "Lewis never used to his team, letting him down. like this"

carlos hummed, how ironic he just agreeing at that statement. "but that doesn't mean you should normalized this week no? especially, you..." its your birthday week . carlos want to say it but charles already understand.

he is not answering though, instead locking his phone and stay frozen at his lockscreen.

carlos grins

charles did the same thing too. "you awfully fucking romantic. you surely know how to annoy me huh?!" he groaned before fishing down a kiss to carlos inviting lips.

The phone is long forgotten with a muffled of moans and fabric rustle. with the screen on, it clearly shows charles and carlos selfies in a polaroid card and there are other several polaroid frames with a sharpie inked below them. the center one, the newest one, where charles face full of by a white frosting cake that carlos just smashed him, written there

"only me, your only one bday and race gift'