#I'm seriously losing track of the days; where is my mind

[thatsgoodsquishy0]

thank you to @eridanidreams & @fangbangerghoul for the tag; you low-key help me remember what fucking day it is lmao <3

i'm pretty late with this, so if you haven't already done it, consider yourself tagged!

snip snip from chapter 3 of Ranger!Sam Coe x F!reader fic TIALTNGO. honestly gonna have a shorter title, but for now it is what it is :> | I just wanna say the continued support for this fic has been amazing, and I appreciate it greatly!!

thank you to @cafekitsune for the divider.

You’d never seen landscapes as picturesque as Akila’s. Curtains of black draped over the mountains, rocky silhouettes zig-zagging along the vast night sky still peppered with stars towering above the quiet of the night. Distant spaceship engines droned, taking off into the air like fireflies. The foot traffic didn’t compare to Neon's. You had a fighting chance blending in with the country folk. 

Your fascination stayed with you through the early morning, like a lover. Faint glints of the sun peaked up the horizon as voices emerged and traveled through air. You listened, and suddenly the pinks and oranges of Nesoi’s sunrise occupied your mind. You saw your shop cast its shadow against the dirt, the crates beneath, the makeshift sign you made out of charcoal: I Loaf Books. You recalled the wonderful nervousness fluttering in your belly as the settlement began to wake. 

But, you were barely an adult.

In a flash of red, you saw it then; what you’d fought tooth and nail to bury in the layers of your memory — that damned letter, wedged between your books and bread loaves. The offer. The expressions of your housemates when they found out; excitement. Outrage. 

What you’d done. 

Who you killed.

A twinge of guilt pinched your heart as you felt yourself sink into your bed, but knowing what you knew now, would you really take it all back?

[sentientgolfball]

How about “I’m bad at texting first, so I always end up hoping you will.” with Swiss and Dew!

ok this was actually so cute ough this is like EARLY prequelle so Swiss is referred to as Multi :3

Send a prompt and a pair!

“He hates me,” Dew groans, bursting into Mountain’s room. 

“Hello to you too Dewdrop,” Mountain laughs, turning the page of his book. 

“You’re laughing? The new summon hates me and you’re laughing?” He flops onto his bed with a dramatic sigh. 

“Dewbug. My love. Who hates you?” 

“Multi!”

“Multi? What do you mean he hates you? I can literally see the hearts in his eyes when he stares at you.” 

Dew groans again. He reaches into his pocket, silently tossing it at Mountain while he keeps his face firmly planted into the mattress. Mountain rolls his eyes, picking up the phone and unlocking it with practiced ease. It immediately opens to a text thread with Multi. He scrolls through, skimming over the messages to find what Dew is talking about. All he finds are Dew answering questions about life Topside, Dew telling him where he is, a few sexts which Mountain makes a mental note of, and a question about Mountain’s favorite flower which he pretends not to see. 

“I’m confused,” he tosses the phone back at Dew, “what’s the problem here?” 

“He doesn’t wanna talk to me.” He rolls over so he’s laying on his back. 

“Did you go see Chain? I told you to stop smoking with him, you know he gets his stuff from Pebble.” 

“I’m not high you bastard.” 

“Then I have no idea what’s wrong with you.” 

“I already told you!” 

“Okay,” he sighs, “walk me through what’s going on in that little head of yours.” 

“Fine. But don’t laugh at me.” 

“I would never.”

“Aether said the same thing and now I’m here so…” 

“Dew.” 

“…yeah okay. So you looked at all the messages?” 

Mountain nods, humming in response. 

“Right yeah so did you notice anything?” 

“Besides you begging to suck his dick? No nothing.” 

“Mount!”

“Sorry.” 

Dew sighs, “He never texts me first.” 

Mountain has to bite his tongue to stop himself from laughing. He clears his throat, “Come again?” 

“Seriously you too?” 

“No, I'm sorry. Continue.” He smiles. 

Dew glares, “am I being too forward? I don’t exactly know what element he was raised in so I can’t do this the normal way.” 

“Do what?” Mountain tilts his head. 

“I don’t know! Show him that he's cool…I guess?” 

“So it wasn’t just Aether. You’re just bad at this in general huh.” 

“Fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” 

“I’ve been here longer than you!” 

Dew grumbles, standing off the bed and stomping to the door, “Thank you for nothing dirt boy.” 

He slams the door when he leaves. Mountain shakes his head with a smile before grabbing his own phone from his nightstand. He opens his thread with Aether. 

So I hear your mate has a crush on the new guy? 

Dew decides to spend the rest of the day in the practice room. They’re still a ways away from tour so he shouldn’t be bothered. All the new summons are still in their learning phase so if anyone does come in they’ll more than likely head to one of the smaller, private rooms on the side. He figures trying to learn one of the stupid solos the stupid Cardinal wrote for him will take his mind off of his weird feelings. If not, he’ll go to Mist and have her smack some sense into him. He’d rather not have to go that far though. 

He loses track of time as he plays, fingers flying over the fretboard as he works on Faith. He may not be a fire ghoul yet, but his deadline is quickly approaching. He might as well know at least a little before he changes. He pushes himself until his body hurts, fingers sore from the repetition and shoulders aching from the weight of the fantomen. He plays as far into the song as he can one last time before calling it quits, putting the guitar back in its rack and sitting on the amp. He stretches his hand, wincing at how stiff it feels. 

“You alright?” 

Dew yelps at the voice that rumbles out so close to his ear. He nearly falls off the amp, but two large hands grab him. 

“Sorry,” Multi laughs, “didn’t mean to scare ya.” 

“When did you get in here?” 

“A while ago,” he shrugs, “you sounded really good.” 

Dew blinks a few times. He hadn’t noticed anyone around him. Hadn’t even seen the door open. 

“How did you?” 

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Multi laughs. 

Dew pockets that for later, bound and determined to figure out what the fuck he could possibly mean. Instead he focuses on what’s in front of him. Multi. His amber and incense scent is so strong when he’s so close. It makes Dew’s stomach knot, tail flicking behind him. 

“Was there,” Dew pauses to clear his throat, “was there something you needed?” 

“Oh! Yeah uh I was looking for you and Mountain said you’d probably be here. Hadn’t heard from you all day and I was worried.” 

Dew furrows his brow, “You could’ve texted me.” 

Multi looks away, uncharacteristically sheepish, “I uh…I don’t know how.” 

Dew blinks slowly, “huh?” 

“I don’t know how. To text.” 

“Bullshit we do it all the time!” 

“Yeah! That’s because I click on the thing whenever I see your name! I don’t know how to do it any other way! So I always wait for you.” 

Dew stares at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. 

“What? What’s so funny?” Multi furrows his brow. 

“Nothing nothing,” Dew shakes his head, “just…here give me your phone.” 

He still looks confused, but he hands it over to Dew. 

“Damn default lockscreen. Let’s change that.” He opens the camera app and hooks and arm around Multi’s neck, bringing him into frame. 

“Smile,” Dew says, looking at their image in the camera. 

Multi shrugs, bewilderment momentarily dropping off of his face as he flashes his fangs. Dew takes the picture, humming approval as he sets it as his lockscreen. 

“That’s not gonna steal my soul is it?” 

“No it won’t steal your soul. It’s just for fun, here look.” Dew holds it up so he can see their picture. 

Multi smiles at the sight of them together, a moment captured in time. 

“Now whenever you open your phone you’ll get to see this lovely face.” 

“Now,” Dew continues, “this is how you can text me.” 

He makes sure Multi is watching before he taps on the icon. Their thread is already pulled up when he opens it. 

“Oh,” he says flatly, a hint of embarrassment tinging his word. 

“Yeah oh. Don’t worry about it, it took Mountain ages to even learn how to unlock his phone.” 

“Really?” He laughs. 

“Yes really. I’m surprised he even knows how to use it. Don’t tell him I said that.” 

The two spend a bit more time in the practice, squished close together while Dew shows him all the things his phone can do. They take a lot more pictures, download a few apps, and change everyone’s contact names. They had back to the den hand in hand when they’re done. Dew can feel Multi’s hand warm, fire soothing the ache in his fingers from earlier. He doesn’t acknowledge it, instead, he twines their tails together, keeping him close while they walk. 

[petrichor-idyllic]

Heyyy! How are you doing? Can you do a story where the female reader accidentally turns Minho on? Thank you

I'm doing good thank you for asking, and of course I can :))

Back on my Minho grind, lmao. Idk why I struggled with this one so much, but I must've rewritten it like seven times, bro.

INAPPROPRIATE WORKPLACE BEHAVIOUR

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Reader is a Runner. Takes place before the arrival of Thomas. You and Minho have always had a tense relationship, but when you guys work in the Map room together, you start to wonder if there's something else. Especially when you get a new kind of reaction out of the Keeper. Kinda enemies to lovers if you squint a bit.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, spice and suggestive content, dumb teenagers and dumber teenage hormones

"Bro, I'm telling you, there's nothing new."

You hate nights like this. It consists of you and the other Runners meeting up and spending hours looking and comparing maps. Once a week.

Every week.

For as long as you've been there. Well, since you became a Runner at least.

And you've been there long enough for it to not be that big of a deal if another girl were to show up.

But tonight is different. It also happens to be Bonfire night. It happens occasionally that Greenie day and the meetings fall on the same day. Most of the Runners left early to go celebrate.

And you did, too, a couple of times. Joining in on the celebrations and congratulating whatever poor Greenie on losing to Gally in the ring.

But you felt bad, so you started staying.

Minho always stayed. It didn't matter what was going on outside; the boy had a job to do, and God dammit, he's going to get it done.

You don't know why you felt bad- or even why you feel bad now. It's not like Minho has ever actually been nice to you. He doesn't take you as seriously as the other Runners and it's not uncommon for him to blatantly ignore you.

Which is shit because the Keeper makes for some great eye-candy.

"I don't care," Minho huffs as you sit with your legs on the table, leaning your chair back, shuffling through numerous sheets of paper. "If you wanna leave, then leave."

"Dude, we've been doing this for literally hours." You try to reason with him but it's not going well.

Minho has been worse as of late. With the exploration of the outer sections coming to a close and the sinking realisation that there isn't actually an exit to the Maze- his bitterness is becoming exponential.

"You can leave." He simply repeats.

You don't understand Minho's problem with you.

In reality, Minho doesn't have a problem with you. All of his extra criticisms and harsh nature comes from a place he doesn't quite understand. You're the only girl in the Glade, and even if everyone else got used to you, he never did. He's had a thing for you ever since he saw you. How could he not?

Which is bad.

Because it's distracting.

So, you can imagine his dismay when Alby suggested you be a Runner.

You pout, letting your feet hit the floor and walking over to Minho. You lean in front of him and across the table, having to stretch further to try and grab more papers that are scattered across the table.

Obviously, this was an incredibly innocent action. You were literally just trying to do more work, but Minho's entire body freezes.

His eyes flicker to your ass as you bend over against the poor wooden structure. It doesn't help that you're still wearing your tight running clothes that leave very little to the imagination. The fabric clings to your ass, and Minho suddenly feels like a complete creep. You mumble something to yourself when you can't reach, but your tone and the lack of coherency just makes Minho's breath catch in his throat.

Ah fuck.

You stand back up, tilting your head slightly as you try to understand whatever pattern Minho swears there is.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. The problem here is that Minho is just as sexually repressed as every other boy in the Glade, but his one-track-mind and work ethic makes it seem like he isn't.

But he is. Boy, he is.

You say something. He doesn't even acknowledge it as he just blankly stares into space, questioning his existence for a second and silently praying that he can keep himself from being... physically affected.

"Minho?"

"Hm?" He looks at you, concern written on your face. Suddenly, he crosses his wrists, dropping them to his crotch. You obviously were not going to look, but as his pencil scatters to the floor and you watch him visibly cringe, your eyes flicker down and then back up. "You good?"

"Mhm."

"You sure? You ignored me, and now you're acting kinda weird."

"No, I didn't. I mean, I didn't ignore you, I was just thinking, okay?" Okay, so he's panicking. He doesn't really want to get caught because that's just going to make things incredibly awkward. He's literally your boss, and with the way he treats you, there's no way you like him back.

"What did I say then?" You cross your arms, looking down at him. He's acting super weird all of a sudden. He seems almost flustered and embarrassed, and with his hands covering up his dignity; you have your suspicions. It's not like it's the first time here you've accidentally given someone a boner. And it's not like it's hard to tell.

If you catch some of the boys on a bad day then they'll get hard if you so much as look in their general direction. But Minho?

Minho?

Always calm, always collected, always in control, Minho?

It's actually kind of entertaining watching Minho's confidence slip away. He's so cocky and self-assured all the time, and you've, what? Leant over a table? And he's lost all capability? Incredible.

You do admire Minho. For many reasons, mostly including his job- but also his self-control. The boy is athletic and confident and bold, all traits that you're attracted to and have been ignoring. But this is now a form of amusement, especially after being stuck in here for hours.

"You don't know, do you?" You ask after an embarrassingly long pause.

"Uh, yeah, no. I don't know what you said. Sorry." He adds the 'sorry' after you raise your eyebrows at him, and it is very clearly reluctant.

"Sorry you didn't hear me or sorry you were staring at my ass?" You cross your arms as you turn to sit on the edge of the table. Your expression is testing as Minho drops his head forward, hiding his face in his hands.

"I, uh, I mean- shit," he grumbles.

"Wow, okay," you scoff, "I was joking, but I guess you really were just staring at my ass."

"I didn't mean- I couldn't help it, alright?"

"That's bullshit, we both know you are beyond fully capable of controlling yourself," Minho suddenly feels like he's getting lectured. But he's your boss, and he really doesn't know how to feel about the sudden shift in relationship dynamics.

"Yeah," he sighs, "you're right, but you- you're just-" You stand up straight, stepping towards him with fake understanding. He shuffles uncomfortably as you stand in next to him, enjoying the newfound power. "You're hot, dude, what am supposed to do?" He sighs, giving into defeat since there's no good way for him to get out of this.

Minho's forward nature shines through, and the compliment actually takes you by surprise. "You think I'm hot?"

"Everyone here thinks you're hot."

"That's not what I asked."

"Yeah," he basically spits out, "I think you're hot. But I also think you're one of the best Runners I've got, and I'm your Keeper, so..."

"Wait, have you been being a dick to me because you're attracted to me?" Minho's guilty expression says it all. "Holy shuck. You have!"

"Alright, alright- slim it," he warns.

"How many times have you criticised me because you actually wanted me?" You lean further forward, one arm on the table, kind of trapping him.

"Listen, don't start-"

"Or the amount of times you've ignored me because I looked too good?"

"Hey!" Minho snaps, even his ears are burning now, "Quit it, alright? I get it. If you're just gonna be a slinthead about it, then go. I don't have time for this klunk. And you might not like me, but I was always respectful and gave you the same workload as everyone else. I can't help being attracted to you, (Y/N)."

His words sound suddenly sincere, like he's been dealing with this on his own for a while now.

"I.." You start, but your words get trapped in your throat, "I never said I didn't like you." You avoid his gaze as you kind of stand to the side of him. There's a scratching scound as he turns the wobbly chair towards you, his attention now peaked at your sudden bashful tone.

"So you like me?"

"I didn't say that, either, just... you're a good-looking guy, Minho. I'm not mad at you 'cause that'd make me a hypocrite." Minho's hands graze your hips, sparking a flame in you but making you flinch. So, he immediately moves away again.

"You think I'm good-looking?" Minho definitely does not need the ego boost, but then again, neither did you.

"Shut up, okay, you're being honest, I'm being honest. It's not a big deal."

"Okay," he holds his hands up, feigning innocence, "guess we're just two attractive people sitting in a room together then, huh?"

You scoff, shaking your head, "No, we're two people who are attracted to each other sitting in a room together. There's a difference." You meet his eyes, and the tension suddenly feels very thick.

This time, Minho puts his hands on your waist with more certainty, and you move closer, swinging your leg over his, straddling him. Suddenly, it doesn't matter that Minho is your boss, or that this could make things awkward working. You just want to feel good, and Minho's flustered confession is making you feel pretty decent all on its own.

"Bold, hm?" Minho mutters, your noses brush, and your foreheads press together. You can feel his breath on your lips, and you never expected this to happen when you came to work during the Bonfire.

"Learnt from the best," you almost speak into him, earning a chuckle. "Is that okay?"

"Mhm," he leans in, finally forcing months of frustration into you as your lips connect. His grip on you tightens and it barely takes anything for Minho to be hardening under you again. Your mouths move in unison, his tongue brushing against your lower lip.

You slip your tongue under his, making him hum as you buck your hips against his. Your hands come to the back of his neck and into his hair, taking the opportunity to ruin his permanently perfect hair style.

He pulls away, panting slightly, "Wait, what does this mean?" He seems anxious, but he's still trying to move under you. You've never seen him like this before, and deep down, you know all you want is to see it again.

"It means I want to fuck you." His body physically reacts to your boldness, almost whimpering under your touch.

"Yeah, alright, I'll take it," you're back on each other in seconds. Having a friends-with-benefits situation with your boss is probably not the best idea, but damn, is it hot.

Friction starts to pick up fast. His hands are under your shirt, papers are flying everywhere as you use the table to try and stabilise yourself and a string of unholy gasping and faint moans is escaping the private place.

That's until there's a cracking sound. Both you and Minho fall in a heap on the floor as the shitty chair breaks, one of the legs snapping off and sending you plummeting. You land next to each other.

"Gally's klunky shuckin' furniture," Minho complains.

And you just laugh.

Not going to lie, lads, this was, for some reason, a complete struggle. Idk why this one was so hard and took me so long, but here it is, and I don't even think it's good lmao. Definitely not my best work, but I'm trying my best.

I hope yall kinda almost enjoyed it :)

[seokmthw]

search the universe | park gunwook

⇢ pairing: gunwook x reader

⇢ warnings: soulmate au, slight angst, fluff, mentions of death, brief mentions of alcohol

⇢ word count: 3.3k

⇢ synopsis: timers are stamped onto your wrist with the amount of days you have left until you either die or find your soulmate. since you had gotten yours, you had a hard time believing it was the latter.

⇢ note: i know this is a really cliché soulmate trope, but i have a love for it that i can't quite explain. i'm hoping this won't be the last you see of soulmate!zb1, so be on the lookout in the future for more from me! <3

JOIN MY TAGLIST!

i.

soulmates were a weird concept to you from the moment you learned about them. wveryone around you - friends, family, coworkers - have always been excited to find the people they’re meant to be with for the rest of their lives. you never understood the hype, much less how the actuality of it all was ever achievable in the first place. everyone whose timer you witnessed ticking down almost always met their death sentence, so you had every right to be apprehensive about whether it truly worked or if you've been fed lies for your entire life.

everyone was born with a timer on their left wrist with chunky black squares and beaming red digits that never lit up until you reached a certain age in your life. yours started on your sixteenth birthday with the fresh set of bold letters reading 1,095 days. that was exactly three years, no more, no less. it was a rare occurrence someone would ever be branded with the same date as their birthday, but the universe just seemed to hate you more and more for not believing it’s incredibly stupid logic. your nineteenth birthday was either going to be magical or tragic for those around you, but you already knew everything was going to take a turn for a worse, so why stress about it?

that day was now exactly a week away and your parents and group of friends were stressed out more than ever because they weren’t sure if they should plan a party or a funeral. you told them all not to worry about it, that you didn’t care, but they never seemed to listen. which was fine, you were used to people losing their minds over your slowly deteriorating time, but you just wished that once in a while someone would pay attention to how you felt. 

especially now, where your two idiot best friends were frantically pacing the living room in your shared apartment with their thoughts spewing directly from their mouths out into the open. they had absolutely no filter, so talks about a gruesome death and an unforgettable birthday bash were the main topics.

“guys, seriously, it’s fine. i really don’t want you to be in a constant state of distress because i’m going to die before you do,” you said.

yujin stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide with bewilderment as he gasped, “y/n, if you say anything like that one more time i’m going to kick you.”

you merely shrugged, “i’m just speaking the truth.”

gyuvin, who had just thrown himself onto the plush loveseat, sighed loudly but didn’t say a word. you knew that every time you talked about this you made them upset, and tension was even higher now that the numbers on your arm had a seven on them. you just wished they would accept your fate and move on, because really, you didn’t think it was a big deal. 

“come on, please don’t be upset with me,” your voice grew soft at the sight of their somber faces and your own realization that this was having more of an effect on them than you initially thought, “if i am going to die, let’s make this last week one of the best we’ve had in our lives, okay?”

yujin and gyuvin shared a look before they finally nodded and you were engulfed in a bone crushing hug. it felt good to feel their arms around you, because at the end of the day, you needed them more than anyone else in the world. you just hoped that they would be able to move on past it all and continue to live for you. after all, they adorned a hefty amount more numbers than you did, so they still had a while. 

“we love you, y/n, and we get mad at you because we care so much,” gyuvin whispered, so it felt like it was only the three of you in the whole universe, “now are you going to let us plan a party or not?”

“please let us plan a party!” yujin exclaimed.

you huffed in mock annoyance, “fine, but you have to promise me you won’t go too crazy. i don’t want you guys to get your hopes up and the outcome be worse than you expect.”

“deal.”

three days after your compromise with your friends, you were sat at your favorite restaurant, where they wanted to ask your opinion on some of the party decorations. however, the initial reason was soon deflated due to you recounting a dream you had. to say they were surprised was an understatement.

"you what?” gyuvin exclaimed, causing you to cringe back into your spot of the booth. he and yujin shared almost the same expression the moment you began recounting the news to them.

slowly, you replied, “i told you, i had a dream about someone i don’t know. it was so weird though, because i couldn’t see their face whatsoever.”

and it was true. the past two nights you’d had the same exact dream. the first time, things were foggy and clouded, making it to where you could only hear his voice. however, the second night, you could make out a bright smile and glittery brown eyes, but nothing more. you met your friends’ gazes, shrugging your shoulders, “it’s really not that big of a deal. i don’t know why you guys are so surprised about it.”

“you are such a dumbass,” yujin replied as he buried his face in his hands, his voice muffled as he spoke the next time, “have you not listened to a single thing we were taught about the timers in school?”

“no! i’ve always slept, you should know that. i sat next to you during the lectures.”

gyuvin looked as if he were about to slam his head into the wall next to him, “it’s literally common sense to know that when you have a dream about someone you don’t know when your timer is almost up that it’s your soulmate.”

you rolled your eyes, shoving rice from the plate in front of you into your mouth to avoid saying anything that could upset them. no matter what anyone said, you just couldn’t even begin to think how it’s logical to believe the stuff school fed you, especially when it came to those numbers. you were absolutely not going to become brainwashed into thinking that a meager dream could have any significant correlation with your timer.

“i think you guys are just trying to get into my head to make me believe these stupid things are actually worth my time,” you laughed.

“it sounds to me like you’re trying to tell yourself not to actually take what we say into consideration,” gyuvin stated matter-of-factly, spooning a mouthful of the stew he’d ordered into his mouth, with an eyebrow quirked up in question. yujin suppressed a smirk next to him.

you fell silent at his words. it wasn’t because you believed him, because you certainly did not, but you were done talking about it. you made a promise to yourself not to utter a single word about your dream around either of your best friends - you knew they would do this - but your tongue had different plans for you and now the situation was a mess. their accusing glances, wide grins, and shared looks were enough to give it away.

you threw enough cash to pay for your meal on the table and scooted out of the booth, your lips pressed into a thin line, “i’ll see you guys back at the apartment.”

“y/n, wait!” yujin called after you, his voice faltering slightly, “we didn’t mean to upset you!”

“just let them go, yujin, all we ever do is make them mad anymore. maybe it’s best to have some time apart.”

gyuvin’s words sent a pang of guilt and sadness to your chest, and it took everything you had not to choke on a sob right then and there. it took a lot for him to say something that could be hurtful and knowing you were the one that caused it made you want to scream until your voice went hoarse. however, you refused to turn back and apologize, because you weren’t the only one in the wrong. they were just as much at fault as you were. 

soon, you found yourself sat on a swing in the park a few blocks from your apartment complex, tears staining your cheeks and your heart hurting. what if your friends were right and you were just blowing the entire soulmate thing way out of proportion? was everyone else you’d seen meet their death just the less fortunate? questions flooded your mind and had no intention of stopping any time soon. you felt dizzy from your brain taking on so much at once and you were beyond grateful for the seat below your body that kept you steady. 

you never thought that you would consider having a soulmate as a possibility, but here you were, wallowing in self-pity and hatred for yourself for causing everyone around you grief just because you couldn’t seem to see the logic until four days before your timer ended. sighing, you aggressively wiped away the remaining tears on your skin and rose from your spot. it was about time you started to head back to your apartment. 

an apology was long overdue anyway.

ii.

thin fog swirled around your ankles as you walked toward the shadowy figure just in your line of vision. the soft pink glow of the sky reflected in his eyes - which were as sparkly and happy as ever - and glimmered beautifully in his hair. he seemed far beyond your grasp, and just when you thought you were getting closer to him, he was even further back than before.

what originally started out as a walk became a light jog in a desperate attempt to reach him. you swore for a moment you could catch a glimpse of one of his features you’d previously been unable to see before, but it was gone just as you were about to reach him. you were now broken out into a sprint, your legs burning and heart racing.

you needed to see him. 

but, he just kept getting further and further away, his gaze haunting you with unanswered questions and a plethora of what if’s. you refused to give up. you pushed your legs harder, extending them to your absolute best ability to cover more distance between you and his dark presence. with your arm stretched out, you called, “wait, please!”

the boy finally stopped - though it was unclear if it was because of your desperation or exhausted state - and held his hand out for you to take. you forced your legs to a stop, your eyes frantically searching the features visible to you to try and cling on to what little you were offered. the same two features as before; his hair and his eyes. 

for a fleeting moment, you saw something flicker across the the lower part of his face, just beneath his nose. However, just like that, it was gone, but you knew exactly what it was.

a gummy smile.

iii.

it was finally your birthday, and the day that you would be meeting whatever fate you had in store. you had woken up at ten o’clock, thankfully, but now it was five o’clock and you still had six hours and twenty minutes left on your timer, so anything was possible. you were a lot more nervous than you expected, but since you’d spent your entire life resenting this day, it wasn’t as overbearing as you imagined it would be. 

the moment you entered into the kitchen, yujin and gyuvin were showering you in hugs and loads of “happy birthday, y/n”s but the troubled looks in their eyes were hard to miss. you could have sworn you saw a tear slip onto yujin’s cheek and that gyuvin’s breathing was slightly uneven, but you decided not to comment on it. not on this day. you didn’t think you could live with yourself if you sparked an argument on what could be some of the last moments you had with them.

instead, you hugged them both for a good five minutes, relishing in the feeling of security and comfort their grips held. the nagging in the back of your mind told you to enjoy as much of their company as you could in those remaining thirteen hours, because you very well could never get it again. and neither could they. pushing the thoughts back, you gladly dug into the dinner the pair made for you and watched the drama reruns that were playing on the television in the living room. it was a favorite among the three of you, so it only felt right to turn it on and delve into the world of your favorite characters.

about an hour later, your friends ordered you to stay in the apartment and get ready for your party while they went and set up, which was code for “hey, we don’t want some freak accident to happen before your timer is up so just stay here where we know you’re safe,” but you certainly weren’t complaining. as of right now, the safer, the better.

once left alone until they were to come to pick you up, you dropped to your knees in the middle of the kitchen and sobbed. this entire situation was all too real, and you could feel the steady grip you once had on being sure you were ready to accept your death starting to slip through your fingertips. you had no right to be upset, this was the day you were waiting for your whole life just so you could prove to everyone that you were right.

but you were just so scared.

there were so many what if’s, so many unknown factors of what the rest of your evening had in store. you weren’t sure you were ready to find out, but your timer was dead set on getting you to that point. the more you looked at the crimson numbers, the more your belly twisted and turned. you hoped that if you were to die, it was quick and painless, and if you were to meet your soulmate, you wouldn't be the most awkward person in the world.

you sat on the cold tile with silent tears flowing down your cheeks for what felt like an eternity, but only ended up being twenty minutes before you finally pulled yourself together and forced your legs to take you into your bedroom so you could get dressed. you had less than a couple hours before yujin and gyuvin would be back, and if you didn’t look collected and put together, all hell would break loose. you chuckled at the thought while you threaded your legs through your skinny jeans and put your top on. 

by the time your best friends had come back to get you, you were going stir crazy penned up inside of the apartment, so you were glad to finally be going somewhere. the drive there was full of music blasting and lots of laughs, but the sadness was still heavy in the air. you couldn’t blame them, though, because you definitely felt the same way. 

once at the venue, you couldn’t help but gasp at the sight. everything was outside, fairy lights casting a warm glow across the otherwise dark section of the area you were in. a bonfire was already raging in the middle of it all. people circled around it with drinks in their hands and smiles stretching across their faces. you couldn’t believe how many people actually came or how much yujin and gyuvin had  outdone themselves with the entire setup. 

“this is so beautiful, guys, thank you,” was the only thing you could manage to exert from your lungs before you were pulling them both into a tight hug, suppressing the fresh tears that threatened to spill over at the snap of a finger.

gyuvin laughed softly, “anything for you.”

“we love you, you know that, right?” yujin inquired, pulling back slightly so he could meet his gaze with yours, “so much.”

“i love you guys too.”

your moment only lingered for a few moments after that, because next thing you knew, people were bounding over to you and wishing you a happy birthday. hao and hanbin, who you hung out with occasionally in high school. taerae from the time you dared to sneak out of your parents’ house just to go on a midnight mcdonald’s run with him. matthew and ricky, your old roommates before you decided to move in with yujin and gyuvin. many of old classmates and even a few people you didn’t know. all for you.

you could feel yourself gaining control over your nerves and body once more as you conversed with everyone. all of the weighted thoughts were nearly forgotten about. that is, until you decided to steal a glance at the remaining time left on your wrist. you could feel your chest tighten and your breath hitch in your throat.

three minutes.

that was it. three meager minutes until you either died or met the person you were supposed to be with for the rest of your life. you swallowed harshly. it was best you didn’t mention anything and cause everyone to go into a state of panic, so instead you practically glued your arm to your side and refused to look at the time anymore. whatever was going to happen was left in the hands of fate now.

you took a drink from the cup in your hand, craving for a distraction from the anxiety that was caused from looking at your timer. a light tap on your shoulder was able to be felt and you turned to find yujin, who was smiling widely, “i wanted you to meet my friend, gunwook, who i told you was studying abroad! i figured i would invite him to the party since he was back in town.”

your gaze shifted to the boy that was stood next to yujin. the moment your eyes met with his, a spark was lit and it completely engulfed you from the inside out. the world around you faded, leaving you with only him. his dark brown hair that was illuminated by the light of the bonfire, his honey brown eyes the sparkled like the stars that blanketed the sky, but most importantly - his gummy smile.

he felt the same. you could easily tell by the way his face contorted to an expression that was nothing but pure joy. almost instantly, he pulled you into his arms, burying his face into the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent. you melted into him, basking in the warmth that he radiated and the feeling of security that you felt in his hold. softly, he whispered, “i’ve been waiting for the day i could finally hold you.”

“i’ve been waiting for the day i could put a face to all of the features i saw in my dreams,” you replied, entirely unable to suppress the grin that broke out onto your lips.

you pulled away from his grasp, flipping his wrist, as well as your own, over to bear the thick zeros that now adorned your wristsand were lit up a bright green. this was it, you finally met your fate, and you were so glad to know that it was with the captivating boy who visited you in your dreams. 

gunwook cupped your cheek, examining your face, taking in every inch, every detail that he could. leaning forward, he was just barely apart from the shell of your ear, lips brushing your skin as he spoke words to you that you wanted to hear over and over again for the rest of your life.

“if i had to search the universe to find you again, i would in a heartbeat.”

[shunin-gumis]

Nagi Hachinoya Novel

Essence of a Bouquet

Track 04 - The Paradigm Shift from Asset Meditation

I changed the title of the novel to "Essence of a Bouquet" because I noticed it was actually on the novel cover in English.

Warning: Lots of cursing from Ryui's potty mouth.

A few days later.

Nagi "Ok, all good."

I feel my energy renew as I check my appearance in the mirror. I need to grasp the concept of Secret Energy soon, for the sake of everyone's happiness.

The Asset Meditation that Master Hideko taught us… I'll attain the paradigm shift today for sure.

The preparations are done.

With the healing track that was distributed at the last gathering, I wrap aluminium foil around my head and dance in place.

Just then.

Ryui "Oi Hachinoya…"

Ryui enters my room without even knocking.

Ryui "What the- have you finally lost your marbles!?"

Ryui shouted while gaping wide at my appearance.

~

Ryui "Sit your ass down! Seriously, have you really lost your mind? Ah that's right, you'd already lost it long ago didn't you."

Nagi "Ouch."

Toi "Nagi-kun… why did you wrap aluminium foil around your head?"

Nagi "Apparently when you wear it you can have a deeper connection to the Secret Energy."

Ryui had dragged me to the living room, where Toi was gazing at me with worry.

The interrogation soon started.

Ryui "What the hell was that weird-ass dance you were doing, it was gross as hell."

Nagi "It's called Asset Meditation."

Toi "Nagi-kun, who taught you that?"

Nagi "Master Hideko."

Ryui "Who the fuck is that!"

Ryui was looking at me as if I'd grown two heads.

To think he hasn't heard of Master Hideko…. Ryui must be a fake spiritual medium then.

Toi "I've heard about her before. She's called the Flower Princess Master Hideko right?"

Ryui "Seriously who even is that…"

Nagi "As expected of Toi, you're the real deal."

Toi nodded, though he added that he doesn't think Ryui is a fake.

Toi "She used to be a big name in the spiritual business realm before."

Nagi "Makes sense, Master Hideko's charisma is overflowing."

Ryui "Doesn't it just mean she's good at fooling people."

Toi "I heard that she fell into depression when she lost her husband. There was talk about her losing her powers."

Nagi "No, Master Hideko still has her infinite powers."

Ryui "Shitty-Hachinoya shut your trap already."

Since I got called Shitty-Hachinoya, it might be best to stay quiet for now.

Toi "I'd heard rumors that she got into some shady businesses involving illegal and suspicious spiritual tactics…"

Ryui "Like making their followers dance around with aluminium foil on their heads?"

Toi looked apologetic as he glanced at me, giving a small nod in confirmation.

Ryui "There's no hope for fools."

Toi "I think she just had a moment of weakness because of what happened with her husband…"

Ryui "That doesn't give her the right to take advantage of others though."

Nagi "I'm not being taken advantage of. I'm just about to experience my paradigm shift-"

Ryui "The shithead can shut up."

I've finally been reduced to shithead.

Toi "There are plenty of people in this world who use their spiritual knowledge correctly, and genuinely help people with their problems… But what Hideko-san is doing now isn't right."

Nagi "But Secret Energy can really lead to happiness-"

Ryui "Ahh for fuck's sake, how dense can you get!? I'll look up on how to to undo that brainwashing of yours!"

Ryui scratches his head in frustration while he looks up something on his phone with his other hand. Within a minute, he sees something that makes his eyes blow wide.

Ryui "Hey, did you see the top news today? They just cracked down on some grey-zone gatherings in mahorova."

Toi "Eh?"

Ryui "Apparently they made up some venue to hold their gatherings at. I wonder if that Hideko or whatever will get caught too."

Nagi "Master Hideko is the real deal so there's no problem. By the way, I was thinking about making a donation tomorro-"

Toi "Please open your eyes already Nagi-kun!"

Ryui "Knock it off already you dumbass!"

The two of them looked desperate as they tried to stop me.

After being shaken and slapped around and being made to listen to the "De-brainwashing Beep" that Ryui managed to find, finally-

Nagi "What was I thinking… I almost lost what little savings I had…"

Finally, I came back to my senses.

I thought back on it, and felt somewhere deep down, that Master Hideko might have been deceiving us. That would be the normal reaction, and yet for some strange reason it had been very difficult to try and come to that conclusion by myself.

But if that's the case-

What about Norisuke-san? I was one step away from losing my money but I was saved. He'd seemed very faithful to Master Hideko.

Nagi "Ah."

That's when it hit me. Today was 'that' day.

Nagi "I need to leave now."

Ryui "And where are you trying to head off to?"

Nagi "To the company building of the people operating the Society of Secret Energy."

Norisuke-san had talked about the offline meeting before. He seemed really excited to meet the real Master Hideko, I'm sure he would attend. If I could just find him-

Toi "I'm coming with you! There's something I need to tell Hideko-san and all the followers."

Ryui "Well, I'm already in it, might as well go all out and teach those assholes a lesson!"

Nagi "Thank you, you two… Let's go."

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5

[breathlessmorro]

Hi, I love your destinyshipping content I discovered this ship thx to your content and I am obsessed with this ship now. Is it possible you could share some more of the au's and or headcanons you have for it?

Yoinks you into my hive mind

Happy to have you here!! Our little corner of the fandom may be small, but the Destiny is STRONG! And of course I've got tons of au's and head canons for these idiots! They own a fraction of my brain!

My au's for them; your generic, "Morro Returns During the Day of the Departed," AU, where he has to earn everyone's trust and slowly realizes that he is a good ninja, and he always was.

My, "Morro and Kai take over Skybound" AU, where Morro and Kai play the roles of Jay and Nya in Skybound respectively.

My Morro's Teas AU, which has Morro come back during the DoTD, but he works at Wu's Tea Shop instead of being a ninja.

My Samurai Morro AU, which is where Morro secretly teams up with Pixal and becomes Samurai X.

Then there's the SCP AU, which I... Haven't totally abandoned but also haven't spoken about in forever lol. Kai is a Security Guard turned Class-D, and Morro is an SCP that's basically a sentient gust of wind.

NOW ONTO THE HEADCANONS BABEY

Destinyshipping Headcanons part I lost track years ago and I'm not counting anymore.

Kai is the one to teach Morro Spinjitzu. Seriously, anyone else who tries just can't seem to help him get it down. Kai however? Instead of making Morro run the training course, he forces him to go through the motions during a sparring session. Morro eventually realizes the movements are the same, and spins himself right into Kai's arms on purpose on accident

They race on their elemental dragons all the time, but Kai never wins against him. After all, Morro is the master of Wind for fuck's sake, he was born to be in the sky. Kai doesn't mind losing to him though, because it's also the happiest he's ever seen Morro since he reached his true potential.

Speaking of - Kai was essential in helping Morro unlock his full powers. Even if he redeems himself, it takes ages for Morro to realize that he never needed to become the green ninja. It isn't until he hears Kai's story, how he realized he needed to protect the Green Ninja instead of becoming him, that he's able to accept it. After all, if Kai of all people could come to terms with being ordinary, surely he can as well.

Oh. My. God. The yelling these two do. Every day they're "arguing" over something new. Either Kai's breath smells, or Morro's hair is messy, or the room is a mess. These petty ass hoes fight about EVERYTHING! It's all harmless, but the main reason these two may end up moving into their own place is absolutely because of the yelling.

Kai's parents absolutely LOVE Morro! Maya is a little more wary at first, because she knows Morro's past and only wants what's best for her boy, but Ray is the most supportive thing in existence. He's happy that Kai has someone, and he welcomes Morro into the family with open arms.

Bonus: Garmadon teasingly called Kai his nephew once because of the relationship and Kai has since not been allowed to be alone in a room with him again for both of their safety.

[emblemxeno]

Have I sacrificed my sleep schedule multiple days in a row to finish Sacred Stones cuz I was so wrapped up in it? Yes!

Here's some of my big thoughts on my replay!

-Game isn't hard, even on the most difficult setting, yeah. But it's not particularly easy either. Pretty well designed all things considered, if we're being honest. I forgot that the maps are big as fuck to make up for how few chapters there are compared to a typical FE game. But it makes for neat environments.

-GOD the music is better than I remember. Makes me wish that Sacred Stones was one of the games represented in the first FE Warriors, cuz it would've been sick to have the high energy tracks made into rock. ESPECIALLY 'POWERFUL FOE' THAT TRACK SLAPS!!!

-I will never, EVER, take criticism of the scene where Lyon takes the Renais stone seriously without some hesitation first. Eirika got manipulated for her kindness by someone wearing her closest friend's face, and Ephraim was pushed into losing his cool and letting his guard down. I don't see why moments where characters get their flaws taken advantage of is something so offensive to certain FE players, but damn is it annoying to see.

-I used characters I don't normally use, like Vanessa and Moulder, and hot damn the entire cast is just stacked I guess! They just have very good supports! Never let first impressions get the best of you like I did, cuz my tendency is to just use Tana and Natasha instead. Of course, characters like L'Arachel, Lute, Artur, Joshua, and Gilliam are forever mainstays for me. ❤️

-LYOOOOOOON😭😭😭I fucking love him aaaaaughhhh I was crying both times when the epilogue CG came up. He's an example of a well-intentioned extremist that I like, cuz fucking with the Dark Stone isn't like, explicitly dangerous at first glance but it's still a risk! He just wanted to help his people and was in a moment of despair when trying to figure out a solution. His character being dark spins on Eirika and Ephraim's traits (too kind for his own good and narrow-minded pursuit for strength) is fucking genius as well.

-Creature Campaign wasn't too bad, when you have bishops, summoners, and sacred weapons for emergencies, monster-only maps are kind of a cakewalk. The difficult part about it is managing resources for the whole tower and ruins.

-High-key Eirika and Ephraim are both in Top 5 FE main characters for me, something about this recent playthrough hit me in the heart more than others. I'm super happy that I played this game again. Now it's back to a regular sleep schedule lol.

[miyuhpapayuh]

18. it was all a dream.

Stepping onto the brick red welcome mat, Rod raps on the front door, further annoying an already agitated Stevie, inside the house.

"Come on, Stevie." He clutches the pink roses in his hand and continues to knock. "Can we please talk?"

"No!" she yells, walking towards the door, beginning to mimic his knocking. "Quit bangin' on my door."

"I wouldn't have to bang on it, if you'd just open up."

"We don't have anything to talk about, Roderick. Go play with Tara and leave me alone."

"Quit talkin' crazy and open this door, Vie. I don't want any parts of that girl." She scoffs, rubbing her temples.

"That's not what it looked like, to me. Plus, why can't you just let me be mad at you?" She starts talking with her hands as if he could see her.

"I know what it looked like and I told you what it was. I don't want you being mad at me, babygirl. It's been a day and I'm losing my mind out here— I'm talking to you through a goddamn door, man!" She rolls her eyes and unlocks the door, cracking it open.

"I'm only gonna let you in, cause you're getting rowdy and my neighbors are nosy, sometimes." She grabs his collar and pulls him inside, closes the door and walks away.

"Trying to win me over with roses isn't gonna work." She heads back into the kitchen and resumes cutting up fruit for her smoothie.

He sits them on the counter and sighs. "Why you bein' so feisty towards me? I told you that I was sorry."

"Do you mean it or are you just tryna get back in my good graces?" She raises an eyebrow and sits her knife down on the cutting board.

"I mean it. You're obviously set on being mad at me, right now—"

"As I should be!" She cuts him off. "I kept up my end of the bargain, but where were you? Oh, that's right. You were letting bitches play in my face." The irritation drips off her every word.

"Stevie," he rounds the island and she picks her knife back up, making him stop in his tracks.

"Don't." She points it at him, but he's unfazed. He even chuckles.

"You're really gonna cut me?"

"Walk a little closer and we'll see, cause I don't know what's so fuckin' funny."

"You are," he grips her wrist and starts prying the knife out of her tight grip. "Gimme this shit, man."

"No," she yanks her arm back, accidentally nicking his thumb, causing it to bleed a little. He huffs, bringing it up to his mouth and glaring at her something awful.

"I told you not to come any closer, now look what you did," she bumps past him and grabs a bandaid out of the top drawer by her coffee maker.

"Gimme your hand.”

He snatches the bandaid from her and turns in the opposite direction, mumbling underneath his breath.

"Fuck you too, then!" She mushes him in the back of the head, placing the knife in the sink. "Can't even continue cutting my fruit, cause you wanna be stupid."

"Seriously, where's all this aggression coming from? I made you that mad, that you gotta cuss me out and slice me open?" He asks, walking back towards her, getting closer since she has no weapon.

"Yes, you pissed me the fuck off. I don't care what type of history y'all got, you sat in my face and told me, and I quote— I'm wit whatever you wit— just for you to not be with it. At all."

After fidgeting with the bandaid for more than a second, Stevie grows frustrated and grabs his hand, placing the adhesive strip over the cut, smacking it to be aggravating.

"I'm sorry," he winces.

"You are." He cuts his eyes at her as she rolls her own, dropping his hand as if it was dead weight.

"Can you stop for like five seconds?"

"Fine." She crosses her arms over her chest and stares at him with a fire in her eyes that makes him twitch behind his black sweats. He knows it's not the time.

"I did tell you that I was down for whatever and I am. I just thought she was really turning over a new leaf and trying to patch shit up," he explains, while she blinks, "but, you were right and I'm a dumb ass. I just want you to stop looking at me, like you wanna kill me."

She turns around and grabs the cutting board, sliding the fruit into the blender. He sucks his teeth and walks up behind her, making her sit the board down.

"That's not what I meant and you know that." She backs up into him to push him away, but he only wraps his long arms around her waist.

"Get off me." She whines, while grabbing the lid for the blender and turning it on, filling the semi-quiet kitchen with the loud, buzzing noise.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into her ear, before kissing her lobe. "Can you forgive me?"

Stevie shrugs, before turning the blender off and nudging for him to release her. He reluctantly does so as she reaches into her cabinet for a cup, pouring the strawberry, mango and orange juice based mixture into it.

Taking a sip of it, she glances at him and walks away, heading upstairs. He watches her walk up each step with an extra switch, than usual.

He heads up behind her, watching as she sits down on her bed, tucking her knees into her chest, staring up at the tv.

"Vie—"

"Shh, I'm watching tv."

"Man." He grabs the remote and cuts it off, tossing it on the bed. "I'm not doing this with you, aight? Cut the attitude or I'll cut it for you."

"You're not my daddy." She stands up, poking him in the center of his chest.

"That's funny, cause I definitely had that ass singin' a different tune, a couple weeks back." He smirks, watching her nose crinkle up.

"Fuck you."

"If that's what you wanted, that's all you had to say, babygirl." He strokes her cheek. She pushes him, only for him to do the same to her, making her fall back into her mattress.

"You're being so annoying, right now."

"That's how I'm feelin' bout this attitude you got goin' on." He smacks her thigh.

"Tell me the truth. You still mad at me, for real?"

"A little! That shit still pissed me off and I need you to understand that. I'm talkin' shit, but that's literally how I feel, right now."

He kneels down in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"Quit saying that. I got it."

"Can I make it up to you?"

"I know exactly how you're trying to make it up to me, Rod." She rolls her eyes.

"The ball's in your court, babygirl."

"I just don't wanna seem weak for forgiving you, this soon."

"Who thinks you're weak? You wanna be mad at me, forever? I want us to make it past this. It killed me, watching you walk away from me. I respected the fact that you were upset and I stayed away for as long as I could handle, but I can't do this. I can't be without you for another day. I know I messed up and I'm so sorry."

She sighs, sliding her hands in his. "I still wanna fight you, but I did miss you. You just gotta stop being stupid."

"I promise. You have my word."

"Hm... okay, I forgive you." He leans forward to kiss her lips, watching the smirk creep across them as he pulls away.

"How'd you sleep last night?"

"Terrible. The nightmares are getting more vivid. I just want them to go away. I want him to go away."

"You know better than anybody that I'll handle it."

"I know," she says softly, playing with his fingers. "It's not bad when you're around. Can you stay here tonight?"

"You don't ever gotta ask, baby." He kisses the top of her head as she visibly relaxes.

She gets comfortable, pretzeling her legs around one of his, her hand finding a spot on his abs underneath his shirt. They half-pay attention to whatever's on the screen as he lazily drags his fingertips up and down her clothed back, taking turns sipping on her fruity concoction.

The signature Nokia jingle rang throughout her room, alerting Rod that someone was calling. He was going to let it ring until whomever called again.

"Babe it might be important, pick it up."

He swipes his phone from her nightstand, and sure enough it's his mother complaining about how something else is broken and she needs Rod and his expertise to fix it. Not one to tell his mom no, he lets her know he'll be there shortly. He hangs up, a slightly irritated sigh blowing past his lips.

"It's okay. Go work your magic, babe. I'll be waiting up for you," she says with a slight chuckle. Kissing her sweetly, he grabs his things and is off to see what his mom broke this time.

Left by her lonesome again, she decides to call her own mother to see how she is and possibly get together for dinner. She doesn't really want to be alone now.

Thankfully, she's free and more than happy to see her daughter.

Stevie's not in the mood to make a production out of getting dressed that she usually does when she meets with her mom, opting for jeans and a cropped olive sweater with camel colored ankle boots. Her mom would have to deal.

Surprisingly she too, is dressed down, for her at least, when they meet.

Also surprising, yet welcome, was the easy, pleasant conversation they fell into as they ate. No mentions of possible pregnancies or rehashing of past indiscretions.

Just smiles, laughter, and a genuinely good time. At one point she discreetly pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

After making plans to see each other again, they're off to their respective homes.

Just as she's about to call Rod, as she hasn't heard from him in a couple of hours, a series of texts comes through on her pager, describing how a simple repair job turned into being "conned" into helping Viv rearrange her entire bedroom. Her infamous New York-style cheesecake was up for grabs so he just had to.

The only thing that saves him from her ire is promising her an entire half to herself.

Throwing on some old track shorts and tying her glossy curls into a pineapple, she plops onto her bed face first. She found herself falling asleep to the tune of old Comic View reruns.

It's an overcast, chilly afternoon, and Stevie's watching her Doc Martens hit the ground one after another.

She's suddenly overtaken with the smell of smoke.

She looks up and her feet have led her to the front porch of a shoddy, single story brick house with its front door wide open, the burning scent only getting stronger.

Stepping in further, she's compelled to investigate. The house looks utterly lived in by at least several men. From the dark, minimalist furniture to its unadorned walls. Magazines and rolling papers litter the coffee table.

The deeper into the house she went, still no source of the scent makes itself present.

Her stomach turns as the smell morphs into rotted...flesh? Dread weaves itself through her veins.

She puts her hand over her mouth and dry heaves making a turn to leave when a voice stops her in her tracks.

"Look at you. Sticking your nose where it doesn't belong," he tsk’s in mock disapproval. Her eyes shoot around the room, but he's nowhere to be found. Her feet feel as if they've been cemented to the floor.

"Don't you know a pretty girl like you can get hurt like that, Stevie Wonder?"

He steps from a shadowy corner, and as always her eyes take in the tattoos that cover his knuckles and arms, moving up to the red ink that took up half his neck.

Why did he look so bloated??

His face, though. His face makes all the color leave her own.

Charred, but the devilish smirk it held was unmistakable.

John.

Jolting up from another nightmare, this one far more intense and telling, she grabs her phone off her nightstand and begins to call Rod.

But by the time it starts ringing on his end, the line cuts out, along with everything else in the house. 

A jolt rushes through her as the air stills, giving the house an eerie feeling.

Moving from her bed, she pulls the curtain back to see the streetlights and her neighbors houses still have power, sending her for a loop.

"What the.." she turns around and heads out of her room, making her way downstairs and into the living room.

She reaches into her drawer for the flashlight. Impatiently rummaging through it, she grabs it and quickly turns it on, flashing it on random parts of her dark living room, sighing as she comes up empty handed.

"Why is the power off? I paid the damn electric bill." She grumbles and heads into the kitchen, digging in different drawers to find her pocket knife.

A noise sounds to the left of her, causing her to quickly shine her light in that direction, still not finding anything.... or anyone.

"Is somebody playin' with me?! Rod, is that you?" The fear in her voice doubles as she hears footsteps. She continues searching for her knife in a panic.

"Looking for this?" Her stomach drops to the floor as that same slimy voice from too many times before, fills her ears.

She stares at his masked face as his tattooed knuckles twirl her pink, Swiss Army knife around by the keychain loop.

"It's you."

"And, it's you." He chuckles and claps his hands in faux celebratory fashion. "I gotta hand it to you— it definitely took you long enough."

"Why?" She asks, beginning to back up as he starts walking towards her.

"My brother is dead, babygirl. His blood is on your hands and you gotta pay for what you did."

"I— I didn't kill your brother."

"Oh, I know your boyfriend did it, but it's so much more satisfying to blame it on you, cause it's ultimately your fault."

"Excuse me? How is it my fault?" He narrows his eyes at her.

"No more talking." He lunges at her, instantly getting clocked in his right temple with the the flashlight she's gripping for dear life, falling to the floor with a grunt.

She jumps over him and grabs the knife off the floor, running out of the kitchen and into the living room, where she's yanked back and tossed onto the carpet. The knife cuts her cheek from the abrupt movement, but she keeps it in her clutch.

"Fuck," she reaches out and cuts his leg, through his pants. He yanks her up by her hair, causing a shrill scream to sound through the air.

"Shut the fuck up!" His fist connects to her jaw, knocking her out cold. He whistles through her opened front door, and two men come in and carry her limp body outside.

The sound of a ringing phone catches his attention, sending him upstairs to retrieve it off of her bed. He stuffs it inside his jacket pocket and heads out.

Will you come find me...

When I'm out of reach from everything...

When my surroundings are no longer familiar.

I'm screaming out,

Yet, you can't hear me....

I'm bleeding out,

Yet, you can't feel me...

I'm afraid that you won't be able to save me,

This time.

I'm afraid that I won't be alive....

Will you come find me?

"Wrap this shit up, man." A voice to the left of Stevie is heard, as she slowly comes to, immediately rubbing her jaw and groaning.

"What the fuck," her eyes dart up to the same nameless man and a couple of new faces, equally as scary as his.

"Glad you could join us, dear." He speaks, sarcastically.

Usually, whatever was on the tip of her tongue, she'd let fly out of her mouth, but in this moment, she feared for her safety.

"Where am I?" She asks, internally cringing at how dry her throat is.

"Now, why would I tell you that?"

She blows out a frustrated breath and stares down at the blue carpet she's sitting on.

"Don't look so sad, princess. Your knight in shining armor should be on his way, shortly." He jokes, causing the others to chuckle.

She looks back up at him and narrows her eyes, "you're all a bunch of bitches. You know that?"

"You know what I know?," he quickly kneels in front of her, gripping her chin up. "I know that bitches like you cause problems. You know how many problems you've caused, Stevie?? Too fucking many." He lets her face go, roughly.

She breathes through her nose and stares back at him, not even giving it a second thought as she spits right in his eye. "Fuck you."

He laughs in response, before moving away from her and wiping her DNA out of his cornea. "Yeah, you just stay put."

"What makes you think I won't try and run away?" She asks.

"If you want your boyfriend to stay alive, you won't be running off too far." He winks at her, before leaving out of the room, along with his two, very dumb, cahoots-men.

Just so, Rod gets out of his Jeep with her promised half of cheesecake in hand. Moving up the sidewalk, the flicker from the flashlight catches his eye, causing his steps to quicken and push the unlocked door all the way open.

"Stevie?," he grabs the flashlight off the ground, sits the dessert on the counter and shines it around the dark kitchen, finding the drawers open and items strewed about.

Walking further into the living room, a spot of blood catches his eye, causing his heart to drop. He kneels down and stares at it, before reaching into his pocket for his phone.

Placing the phone up to his ear, he listens for her voice, but comes up short. Tightening his hand on the gun in his waistband, he heads upstairs, again not finding her anywhere.

His heart sinks further as he makes way back outside.

Crossing over the tiny garden of wilting roses in between the houses, he sends a couple of firm knocks on the bejeweled screen door.

The door cracks open as an olive teenaged boy pokes his head out, nodding at Rod. "What's up, my man?"

"Hey, uh... this is gonna sound weird, but I think my girlfriend is missing. She's not in the house and I'm extremely worried.... did you maybe see anything or hear something?"

"Now that you mention it," he opens the door a little further and steps out, closing it behind himself. "I did hear some commotion and my nana made me come check it out."

"What did you see?"

"It was suspicious ass dark van parked right there, for the longest time.," he points at the end of Stevie's driveway. "I'd never seen it, before."

Rod's blood starts to boil. "Did you happen to catch the license plate?"

"I did, actually. It's 2E14859. It was extra odd to me, cause it's not a New York tag, it's a California tag."

"Thank you, man. I appreciate it."

"No problem, let me know if I can do anything else." He pats his shoulder and heads back inside.

Rod heads back to his car and just sits there, putting all the pieces together in his head. Everything that's happened, slowly starts making a helluva lot of sense.

"Oh shit.," he pulls his phone back out and calls Josh.

"Hey.... we got a problem."

@blackerthings @sheabuttahwrites @twistedcharismaaa @thegifstories @blowmymbackout @chaneajoyyy @ghostfacekill-monger @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @nayaxwrites @cecereads209 @abeautifulmindexposed @harmshake

[georayn]

my perspective around the crippling yet warm loneliness of fallen angels (no spoilers)

一 Fallen Angels (1995), dir. Wong Kar-Wai

defining this movie is a challenging task. but, if I was to sum it up in one sentence, I guess it would be "corny and depressing romance so corny it becomes refreshing".

I remember Fallen Angels as the first movie I've watched when I decided to take the ritual of watching movies more seriously, and it was basically the first film I'd ever seen that doesn't follow the cookie-cutter hollywood format of the hero's journey (I believe that was around 2 years ago). that's why I have such an affection for this movie.

to this day (and maybe until the day I die) I am not a good movie critic, that's why this is not a well-formulated critique in any way lol. so yes, I may be very biased in the way I percieve this film, so because of this I will not get into much detail of its technical aspects or its issues, I will just try to convince you to watch it if you haven't yet :D

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

firstly, I'd like to address an elephant in the room: this is a Wong Kar-Wai film, so it strongly follows his signature style; the surreal and dreamy coloring, jittery camerawork, mind boggling action sequences including the step-frame takes and so much more. but I'm sure you've noticed most of these aspects through other blogs, pinterest boards and tiktok edits, so I want to put more emphasis into his abilities of storytelling and his producing process.

I am not the biggest fan of saying things in the sort of "omg only this director/person could ever create this!", but it is undeniable that WKW's way of thinking is very unconventional. Cristopher Doyle, responsible for a lot of the movie's cinematography (and who is someone that worked with him in many other projects until 2004) says that WKW always tried to look for what the movie had to say, even if discarding parts of the script was necessary. what I admire the most about his work is the way his characters feel alive considering that the flesh of his films are the struggles and "boring" aspects of life. I reeaaally love the way he and his crew are able to make the "disposable" parts of life so interesting. of course, the action and story shifting segments are part of what gives meaning to everything, but the connections between them are what makes all of it worth watching and feeling the characters' emotions.

so, how does the story go? this is actually a tricky question haha. in case you are not familiar, Fallen Angels is directly attached to Chungking Express, another film by Kar-Wai released one year earlier (1994). WKW himself reveals that Chungking Express and Fallen Angels should have been published as one merged movie, but he ended up losing track of the project's length (also, in my opinion, you can watch FA before CE if you want to, it doesn't follow any particular order to me). Here is where his instinct-leading creative process really shines; it may seem impractical, however this project might be the pinacle of his love for cinema, considering it was a project made for "making himself comfortable with making movies again" after a prior not so self-fulfilling project.

"You try to cope with the mass audience, but in fact you are not doing something for them—I would be fighting with myself. I thought, I don’t have to make big films, I can make small films that I can be happy with. I can find my own audience. So I made Chungking Express with a very low budget, and we made the film very quickly, only six weeks from the idea to the edit" 一 Wong Kar-Wai for BOMB magazine, Winter 1998 issue.

considering the whole project, he explains that Chungking Express and Fallen Angels both revolve around the city of Hong Kong, yet in its different sides: the brightly lit and uneventful hustle of the daytime with CE, and the freezing, dark and crippling loneliness of the nighttime through FA.

with that said, in my opinion, neither is "more impactful" or "to be more considered" than the other; as WKW himself said, both are complementary to each other, and even the characters are interchangeable. however, I am here to talk about the rispid and desolating feeling of the "type of loneliness" depicted in Fallen Angels specifically, since it resonates more deeply with me and it might do the same to you if you're looking for big-neon-city anxiety.

一 Fallen Angels (1995), dir. Wong Kar-Wai

now onto the actual story. both movies are divided in 2 "main storylines", contributing to the perspective of interchangeable characters. in Fallen Angels, one of the sides has a more intense dynamic that follows a hitman and his agent, whilst the other follows the wobbly story of a mute man who ends up meeting a heartbroken woman who asks for his help on getting her revenge. this all may seem kind of non-sensical, but I believe that one of the film's most charming features is its ways of making people so unrelated as these characters become so connected and dependant of each other just because of life's randomness yet without making it feel forced.

also, I haven't even mentioned side characters and I think i'd be too dense and maybe annoying to get into the details of their importance (especially if you haven't seen the movie yet), but I guess I could say they are the ones who provoke and question the main ones' morals. here, WKW's characters are the most alive when they feel confused, uncomfortable, alarmed and tired because of the harsh metropolitan life (just like real people). with that, they find themselves in a constant fight with other people's morals and even their own.

this sense of desolation may be depressing at its core, but it also defines the familiar matter between all of these people, bringing a comfort-like yet melancholic sentiment to the situations that unravel; no one is truly right-minded but you always try to consider where they are coming from. they may do fucked up things but they pay the price to life itself.

this melancholy carries the story's events until its very end, and I just love it. of course I'd rather choose that we live in a world where everything is perfect and this comfort found in sadness is unrealistic, but considering the societies we live in, specially in big and poorly planned cities, I find this movie to be a memorable portrait of this misterious feeling of loving desolation.

I wish I was able to get into the details of each character more deeply, but I think that would break the purpose of the "no spoilers" promise I made & I think it's more fun for you to discover them by yourself when watching the film. however, I'd like to say that, even though I feel like everyone in the narrative is able to connect to one another, each one has their singularities, flaws and quirks, which makes the familiarities shared by all the more precious.

therefore, the events and personalities present in this film are incredibly rich and capable of conveying this specific feeling of constant fighting for survival and sanity in such a complex and harsh environment. sometimes the narrative follows the actual outbursts of these causes, but I believe that the true beauty of this movie lies in the moments of hopelessness and fatigue.

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

I wish I was able to spark your interest in watching Fallen Angels! this movie is very meaningful to me and I've been interested in writing about it for some time now! the thing is, this is my very first blog post ever so it might end up being shitty and I just don't know it yet hah... it's okay though, I've been struggling with being able to talk about the things I like just because my brain thinks I can't do it, so I think this is a step forward on fixing this! :)

in case you watch the movie, please leave your thoughts here so you can share your perspective! I really want to know other people's opinions about the things I love, even if you don't like it as much!

thank you for reading, see you!!! <3

References:

Wong Kar-Wai for BOMB magazine, Winter 1998 issue: https://bombmagazine.org/articles/1998/01/01/wong-kar-wai-1/

Cristopher Doyle for IstoÉ, 19/03/2021 (in portuguese): https://istoe.com.br/cinema-pelo-olhar-de-christopher-doyle/

P.S: sorry for any English mistakes! you can correct me if you want, I appreciate the feedback!

[kobedivision]

The evening was settling in, casting a warm glow through the windows of Ren Nakashima's home. The kitchen was alive with the sounds and smells of dinner being prepared, a rare moment for Ren to enjoy some downtime with his siblings. But as he was about to serve the meal, the doorbell rang, signaling an unexpected interruption.

Ren opened the door to find a delivery person with two packages, each accompanied by a letter. The first was from Yorii Sakuma, and Ren couldn’t help but smile at the familiar exuberance of his friend's writing:

'Yo Big Bro Ren!

Happy 21st Birthday! How's it feel to be an official adult? I bet it's awesome, just like you! I heard your latest track, and man, it blew my mind – pure fire! So, I got you this super cool speaker canvas. It shows the lyrics while playing songs! Isn't that wild? I hope it adds a little extra spark to your music-making magic. Keep on rocking, and let's catch up soon!

Stay awesome,

Yorii 'Sireen' Sakuma'

Ren's chuckled and shook his head. This was just like the guy whom lovingly called him 'Big Brother'. Not that Ren minded much, although he knew Ryōhei disliked it when Yorii did that. Ayano, possibly because of Yorii's cuteness and child-like behavior, let the idol get away with it. Picturing the blonde-haired boy's silly grin, the musician gave another chuckle before turning his attention to the second package, which was smaller and wrapped with a quiet elegance.

The letter with it was written in a careful hand which made Ren curious who sent it. Upon seeing the sender, the musician's face turned into a deep frown. Why? Because the sender was someone that Ren truly did not like, even if he was the older brother of his friend, Yorii. That's right, the sender was none other than Elliot Shimizu. Scoffing, the musician nonetheless decided to read the letter, which said:

'Dear Ren,

Happy Birthday. Max told me it was your special day, so I wanted to send you something. I've chosen a relaxation sound machine; it plays soothing nature sounds. I hope it brings you peace after your performances.

...I... I'm not exactly sure what I've done to upset you, but... I sincerely hope this gift can be a step towards mending whatever rift may be between us. I'd like to be friends, if you're willing.

Wishing you a wonderful birthday,

Elliot Shimizu'

Ren rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue in irritation, with one hand he crumpled up the letter and let it drop on the ground. Truly, who the fuck does that four-eyed shrimp think he is, did he seriously thought that buying something he can get off Amazon himself and saying a few flowery words would make him forget about how he wronged him? Honestly, this wasn’t like him at all, Ren was everyone’s cool, collected, and playful older brother, able to brush things off with just a smile and a wave of his hand…but thinking about the animal lover from Setagaya was almost sending him into a spiral, he hate, hate, hATE, HATED HIM so much he wanted to take his glasses and stab his eyes so that he could never look at his AngelstayawaystaythefuckawaySTOPLOOKINGATANGELYOUBASTARD-

Ren roughly put the relaxation sound machine back in the box and shoved it away from him and into some cabinet where he closed it, causing a loud ‘bang!’ to sound throughout the kitchen. The musician ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath to calm himself down, he could not lose his cool, especially not now, his friends and family were all in the next room and he’d rather not explain to them why he suddenly trashed his kitchen (though he’s pretty sure they’ll be able to guess why).

It wasn’t always like this, when Ren first met Elliot, he didn’t had a problem with him, in fact, he very much reminded the crimson eyed boy of his own younger brother, meek personality and seemingly permanent stutter and all. Ren was more than happy to welcome in one more brother into his flock…until Yorii had to open his mouth and all that came crushing down, roses wilted and the thorns wrapped around his heart, digging into his flesh and squeezing until it bled.

“Yeah, Eli’s got this huuuuuge crush on this goth chick, y’know, the one from Saitama, he’s even taking up an art class for her, now that would be cute if it wasn’t so desperate.”

Really, all of this was Yorii’s fault but at the same time, Ren couldn’t help but he grateful to his “younger brother”, now that he knows that some pathetic loser is after his precious angel, he’s gotta act quick, Elliot can’t make a move on his darling if she’s already taken, really this throws a wench into his plans, he’d rather take his time and do this the right way but beggars can’t be choosers and this is the only way he could come up with that doesn’t involve ripping Elliot’s chest cavity open.

Ren exhaled slowly as the ringing slowly faded from his ears, he pinched the bridge of his nose before moving to pick up Yorii’s present, it really was a nice gift, he was so grateful to have such a nice and considerate brother, he smiled as he walked into the living room where everyone was vibing.

“Hey, look at what came in for me in the mail.”

Thank you for the gift!

[captainhunnicutt]

Tagged by @pomegranate and @mashbrainrot: 6 albums I’ve been listening to a lot lately! Plus one track from each that I’m especially fond of:

1). Kevin Devine - "Put Your Ghost to Rest"

For a number of years, I went up and down the east coast following Kevin - in a completely normal and sane way. Seriously. He became a fast friend and still is to this day. When he released his second full length album, that's when I financially had the resources to start travelling to see his shows. This album was his fourth release, and I was lucky enough to see him on release day. The song "Just Stay"... it made me cry the first time I heard it. "She said it's pretty, but you hate yourself, I can hear it clear as day. I said I sing like this, it sounds worse than it is... I'm okay, okay?" When I heard those lyrics, I just lost it - for him. He's such a good soul and deserves so much good. There was a period of about five years where I didn't see him, and when I finally was able to see him again, the hug he gave me before his set said so much. When he got up on stage that night, he said something like "I'm changing the setlist on a whim. Someone is here tonight who I didn't expect to see, and I know she loves this song. This is for her," and he played this.

2.) Eisley - "The Valley"

During the height of the Long Island emo scene, Jesse Lacey shoved Eisley down everyone's throats. It's the only good thing he ever did (dude ended up being the biggest piece of shit ever), besides legitimately pushing a guy off of of me at a party. The guy was being a real fucking nightmare and Jesse came in swinging, and honestly I appreciated it. Anyway. Eisley. They are hauntingly beautiful. The first time I played an Eisley song for Robby, his response was "I feel like crying," and to this day I don't know if that was a compliment or not.

3.) Manchester Orchestra - "Where Have You Been?"

The best tour I ever followed was Brand New, Kevin Devine and Manchester Orchestra. I went to 7 shows on that tour, and every night was a like a g'damn religious experience. Don't listen to people who try to shoot it down, follow the band. Spend the money. Travel from one end of the country to the other just to see your favorite bands play live. You won't regret it. "Where Have You Been," was one of the songs where Brand New, Kevin and Manchester all played together on stage. When the yelling "GOD MY GOD MY GOD, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" starts, you could hear a pin drop. I have goosebumps thinking about it.

4.) Death Cab for Cutie - "Narrow Stairs"

No big thoughts on this one. I just really love anything Death Cab, and this one has been getting played most recently. "Plans" is a close second. That opening bassline of "I Will Possess Your Heart?" Seriously? Perfection.

5.) Kings of Leon - "Come Around Sundown"

I'm sorry. My music taste seems to have frozen to anything before 2010. I think because there's so many good memories tied directly to musicians, bands and songs. I remember when this album dropped. I remember it leaking and my community of friends all losing our g'damn minds. A lot of KoL songs found their way into "The Blacklist," which was a great show too.

6.) Incubus - "Morning View"

Incubus has been this strange constant since I was a teenager. My sophomore year boyfriend introduced me to them as we got high in his basement. Very cliche. They were also the first band I ever followed on tour, and are all very sweet and down to earth guys. They are about to release a reimagined version of this album, and... I have mixed feelings about what I've heard. The original is far superior.

Tagging @bardengarde, @kejfeblintz, @valenshawke, @veryliteralsin, @lynnsthoughts, @angelt0rres and anyone else that wants to do it, I guess.

[8eightlives]

With every revelation, a bridge we span,

To the sanctuary where understanding began.

My name is Theodore Sylvester, and I prefer to be addressed as Theo. I've already reached what's considered the legal age and would love to have friends within my age range roaming around my timeline. I set my eyes on literature and music. I can be loud when it comes to those in my account. I may appear stern at first as it took some time for me to warm up to others' presence, but know that I would always be happy to greet new faces around here. I enjoy lengthy and deep conversations that cover, if not most, aspects. It may take some time for me to form a reply, and that does not interpret my eagerness to be conversing with you. I am simply an introvert who essentially needs and enjoys the company of their own. (Guilty, I find myself losing track of time doing that a lot of times)

INTEREST

Music

I consider indie and R&B among my favorite genres.

Kpop

I stan Enhypen, GOT7 and always have my eyes on TWICE, ITZY, NMIXX, and TXT.

Reads

When it comes to reading, fantasy takes the top spot. I tend to lean towards standalone books with well-crafted worldbuilding, as nothing excites me more than an adventure wrapped in lyrical tales. (I'm always up for discussing your latest reads, so feel free to reach out if you need an avid listener to share your thoughts on books. I'm also open to being your reading buddy)

Movies & Series

I enjoy all kinds of movie genres, though I am picky when it comes to series, leaning towards comedy sitcoms.

Games

I do not play a lot of games. The only games I still play, but am not strongly committed to, are Plato (Pools) and Path To Nowhere.

BYF (Before You Follow)

Before following the account, please familiarize yourself with these norms:

I've labeled this account as a cyber account.

I enjoy writing reviews or sharing my favorite scriptures from literature I'm currently reading in the form of a thread.

Feel free to softblock this account if you're uncomfortable with the content I choose to share with the masses that day.

I softblock accounts with whom I'm less likely to interact.

My tweets and interactions are primarily in English.

I'm a slow texter, so it might take me a while to respond.

Please do not follow without consent, except if I've interacted on your tweet first, then feel free to shoot me a follow.

My account does not welcome minors.

As a precaution, please do not take my tweets seriously. Most often than not, they are meant to be lighthearted jokes. Unless I've stated otherwise and provided context, please do not take it personally. That being said, I apologize in advance for any times I may have hurt individuals with my words and actions. Keep in mind that I intend no harm in the first place, and my inbox is open for constructive suggestions.

DNI (Do Not Interact)

Basic DNI criteria

Disliking my interests

Engaging in NSFW content (profanities are tolerated, but explicit content is not)

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Where is it we find peace? 2-3-24

"Buddha says "A child without courage is like a night without stars!" - Punjab

It's early.

Maybe 5:30 a.m. on this Friday morning and 4 am wake up calls . . .proves my age, I suppose.

On my mind . . .

A couple of the kids still out there in their struggles, trying their best to do it their way. And, although it isn't what I want for them, it is, in the end, on them.

Wanting to see successes from them regardless of how hard their head has to hit the wall, is something I'll carry with me always.

Love is unconditional.

Help and boundaries are not, or at least we try to hold tight, for everyone's benefit. Benefits not always seen in the short sight.

Umm, we are also going to have a few of the grands this weekend. Our youngest granddaughter had her first overnight here with her big sister, and when we take her home later her big sister will stay behind, as we wait for another granddaughter from a different family set to start a mini birthday party/sleepover celebration. Just the 2 of them. It's a little exciting, and it's always nice spending time with the grands.

Work is starting to pick up and get back on track. Starting the year with a couple of very decent jobs. Follow the Pride Fence Page for details and updates. Lol no lol

!~I had my 2 month old phone shoot craps at the beginning of the week. Usually, I imagine, most of us would start the nonstop adventure of replacing it asap. It's almost debilitating just accidentally leaving it behind or losing it. Am I right?

After printing map instructions to my job, like the Geico caveman, I had to head out because i had to be there no matter what.

I spent the day fighting all urges to call it quits and go get a new phone.

Feeling like a dopehead trying to not hit the pipe while still in the trap house, I made it through. At the end of the day, I went and got myself a new phone, new carrier, etc.

Other than just being beat out of about 2 months' worth of messages, pics, contacts, and overall data, I'm no worse for wear.

It did make me think about our way of life, though.

Like our, as in "OUR", big our, all of us here, at least in this country and culture.

Some of us older people might stand a bit better of a chance than the younger generation, but it would still be so devastating a collapse that recovery would feel impossible if we seriously lost all technology, or even just the internet.

Collapse.

Hard reset.

We depend so much on this stuff to maintain our way of life. Some may brag that they can live off the land etc, etc, but unless you're a backwood/mountain country person who only goes to town once or twice a year to trade, we would all be affected.

Obviously this happened the way it was supposed to, but man . . .I'm not looking forward to "suppose to" to be attached to the collapse of society.

I guess that empties my mind enough to restabilze my mental and emotional state for the week.

Thanx for taking time to hear me out.

As always, your thoughts are welcome.

And remember to share your love and your laughter with the world around, and be kind as always as possible.

We're all just a dead phone away from an uncomfortable day. Lol

Until next week;

"You love money and power and capitalism? You know they're never going to love you back" - Grace Farrell

[all-the-fun-of-the-cirkus]

album #7 of the year, and i'm back on my neil young bullshit with after the gold rush

i really hate talking about albums like this. not because it's bad, not at all, it's really good. i just... don't quite like it as much as i'm supposed to on initial listen

most albums sag in the middle imo, and the start of side 2 is the problem here; the oh lonesome me cover is sluggish to the point where it loses me, and birds kinda passes me by, except for that gorgeous chorus. throw in the full band arrangement of don't let it bring you down, which is a great song but oddly sounds less intense than in its guitar-only guise on young shakespeare than here and it drags ever so slightly

the rest of it rules though. it's interesting coming back to early neil, given i've mostly been listening to the ditch trilogy onward, there's a very different vibe to it. it's not really less sad, per se; there's just as much humour on his later albums, and just as much sadness here, but it feels... less desolate in its sadness, i don't know. the sadness on this album feels like being alone on a dark wet evening, where sure, you feel it as much as any other time, but you know the sun's just around the corner, whereas later on it becomes outright depression. until it blasts into a rocker about growing your own weed, at least, but you get the gist

anyway, the start of side 2 is only so disappointing bc side 1 is flat-out jawdropping, especially since it has the good grace to start with two of the most beautiful songs ever written. tell me why is just stunning, absolutely note-perfect, saturated in that lovely melancholic optimism from the raggedly beautiful harmonies (i love the harmonies so much on this album) to the lyrics. i'm so weak for simple summaries of profound emotion, and by-and-large i find neil's lyrics more interesting when he's waxing wry intricate metaphor than when he's being straightforward, but the second verse of this song is such a pure and delightful description of love, it's wonderful

nothing else on here quite compares, but there's a lot of bangers yet. i've been familiar with the title track all my life, and i haven't got bored of it yet. mind you, how could anyone get bored of a song with a flugelhorn solo like that? only love can break your heart is the saddest "cheer up mate" song ever written (i have no idea if this actually cheered graham nash up, maybe he needed the sympathy rather than the pepping up) but it's so tuneful, and the heavy-hearted piano, particularly in the chorus, twists your gut

and then southern man smacks your around the face. i'd like to think these days it'd be a fairly uncontroversial, if blunt, attack on racism but, uh, lmao. i'm sure a lot of the backlash came from people indignantly going "#NotAllSouthernMen" or something, so nothing changes there, i guess. tbh there are many people vastly more qualified than me to talk about this song and racism as a whole, so i'll just say i don't particularly find this song unreasonable and move on to the music. it's the only time on the album you get Guitar Hero Neil, and it's not a bad showcase; the repeated hammering onto that dissonant chord just before the fadeout is just breathtaking. the chorus is the real kicker here, with neil's screaming angry vocals and that bass! in years i'd never noticed that bass, why was this the only album of neil's this guy played on?

the other seriously great song here is when you dance you can really love, which has more top-notch melodies and harmonies and some real strange decisions that kinda pay off? idk why neil didn't bother to write a second verse, but the desperate repetition of "i can really love, i can really love" weirdly ups the intensity so much, and the piano kind of clutters the place up some of the time but makes the chorus with that incessant banging. i'd love to hear an acoustic version of this, actually, the vocals are really gorgeous again. beyond that, i believe in you is nice, and the two snippets at the end of either side are goofy and cute

i must admit, after till the morning comes i was ready to rave about this album. i still love the vibe, and there's some absolutely wonderful stuff on here, it's just a little sad it doesn't manage to maintain its momentum

[sluntch]

My Health Journey - A Writing Experiment - Day 3

Welcome back gang. Today's post is gonna be a bit shorter and probably more stream of consciousness as it's later, I spent 3-7 AM in the emergency room, and I'm high. I'll most likely save the specifics and stuff for later entries in this "journal", or whatever I'm calling it, though some may slip in during the natural projection of what I'm about to ramble on about. Thanks for showing up again, should you have read the previous two entries, and thanks for showing up for the first time if you've not been to this toilet blog before. See what's up under the cut.

So last time, I detailed some of my holdover issues from college and into the specific diet that I chose to use during my time attempting to lose weight. As a reminder, it's the one that works for me - Caloric deficit. I simply eat fewer calories than I expend during a day and then I lose weight. What I've found through this eating style is that I very much like planning out the menus of food that I eat during the week and that I very much like tracking numbers and seeing data points related to things that I'm doing. In particular, watching my weight graph over the course of the year has been particularly gratifying. Planning my meals out also allowed me to get into a routine, something that I could repeat each day. Data, planning, and routine. These are three things that no one who knew me in my college and early professional life would ever associate with me as a person. I was a guy who wouldn't even make a list to go to the store. I would simply walk into Giant Eagle and improvise until my cart was full of some necessities for the week but also just a ton of junk and snacks and other nonsense that I didn't need. As a middle child and only son who wasn't as put-together (in my own personal views on myself) as his type-A, organized, and successful sisters, I kind of just fell into the role of the "slacker who makes it through on pure bullshit and vibes" and assumed that's where I'd be for my life. Turns out, most surprisingly to me, that I love being organized, I love having a schedule, and I love having routines. Learning how to bring this kind of structure into my life allowed me to balance my days so that I wasn't tempted to binge eat food and I was able to provide a much more concrete answer to the question that always stuck at the back of my mind but I never chose to answer seriously in the moment - Am I hungry or am I bored?

If I were to write a book about this, that'd probably be what it'd be called. Now that I'm thinking about it, that should most likely have been the title of this project. I may retroactively go back and change it. We'll see.

My daily schedule and routine eventually boiled down to a few things after I had tried out some different combinations. The target time is when I do the task and any other time is up for grabs and mostly revolved around when I would eat during the day so that I could have concrete points where I'd be eating.

6 AM (or thereabouts) - Wake up

7 AM - Workout

8 AM - Breakfast and medications

10 AM - Morning snack, should I be hungry for one (usually a piece of fruit or something)

12 PM - Lunch

3 PM - Afternoon snack (usually something salty or veggie)

6 PM - Dinner

7 PM - Evening tea and dessert

10 PM - Get ready for bed

With my days structured in this specific way, I could mete out times when I would eat and times were I would do other things, such as focusing more on my work or my hobbies, and daily tasks that would distract me from (over)eating. I have two snacking styles - grazing and bulk. When I graze, I walk through the kitchen and have a spoonful or handful of something that is within reach. When I bulk, I get a large portion (abnormally large like a full cereal bowl of goldfish) of something and just pound it. The latter has been mitigated a lot as of late by me making my own healthy snacks and measuring out portions ahead of time. Grazing is something that I still struggle with daily, It's just so easy to grab a spoonful of the burrito bowls I made for dinner last night and then I end up doing that like eight times. Might as well have just had a bowl of it at a certain point. I feel guilty and bad when I do this even though I know that, in the grand scheme, it doesn't really matter all that much but I still wish that I was able to have more self control. Though I suppose there's always something to work on, right?

Making my own snacks has been, I believe, the most significant thing I've done to help with the "snacking issue". I discovered that all I really wanted was the crunch - the satisfying crunch of a crunchy snack. So I started with making my own popcorn. It was delicious. I then moved onto veggie-based snacks. I would slice up peppers or cucumber and have a sauce like Cholula or Buffalo Sauce on them. They were delicious. Then I started getting sugar snap peas. They were delicious. They were lower calorie, I could eat them in larger quantities, and they were crunchy. It was the ultimate combo that I had been craving. I was now eating more fruit and veggies and eating three square healthy meals a day. The routines and the efforts were beginning to pay off considerably.

That's where I'm gonna cut it now because I want to go sit on the couch with my wife and V I B E so that's what I'm gonna do. Next time, I'm going to get into the numbers. For real. Specifically the numbers regarding my caloric intake/output per day, potentially some of the workouts that I chose to do build into my routine, and my brush with danger regarding the process that almost put a brick through the whole venture. Thanks for sticking through this if you have. You are appreciated and I hope you return.

63 days to go.

[sweetiegirlsue]

diary entry 1 (10/07/23)

i was having the worst week, like the absolute worst week - mentally, physically, emotionally, work-wise. all of it. i felt alone, and hated it, but i also wanted to be alone bc i didn't want to see anyone, or moreover, anyone see me. to the point where i was wondering if i needed to be committed... like that bad. i was wondering why, and i thought maybe it was bc i saw my abuser last week (pure happenstance - that's a story in-and-of itself) for the first time in coming up on a year now, haven't even spoke to him since may. i thought he no longer lived here so i had this false sense of safety but i'll get more into that at a later date. not sure i'm ready to unpack that that trauma, but when i am.... buckle in.

anyways: felt like shit, ate like shit, didn't want to do shit. i was mean to the people i loved and i hated it but i didn't care to change? i was ugly. actually physically as well lol i didn't even care to get ready-ready except for one day out of the entire week. all of this to say... i thought it was because of him and i was losing my mind thinking i was like, broken for real. turns out i was freaking pms-ing. LMAO like seriously why does the bitchy PMS trope get more and more real with age (yes i am 26 yes i am decrepit).

but i feel like that was kind of a symptom of what i've been struggling with lately bc i'm realizing i've completely lost my sense of self. that being said, i'm actively on a journey to self discovery and strengthening my relationship with God. i'm trying to be more present, to stop my thoughts (especially negative ones) in their tracks (something i learned in "get out of your head" by jennie allen). its honestly helping at least a bit, which is what she says in the book - catching even just one negative thought, acknowledging where its coming from then giving it over to God, will change the trajectory of every other thought.

along with that, i'm keeping my social media usage to a record minimum - literally less than an hour a day across all platforms, which has also been very healing. i know its corny to talk about and it really does show my age, but i really feel like we do not need to be consuming the shit that is spoon-fed to us on a daily basis, constantly, on all these platforms. when i fully realized a lot of my thoughts were how i could tweet about something, or make a story about something, or an instagram post. like what the fuck? and for what? it's so nice being able to unplug and reframe my thinking. i've been doing good and i'm liking the breath of fresh air so far.

speaking of fresh air, what made me finally take the time to sit down and journal my thoughts (which is truly just a stream of consciousness) is when i realized what i'm doing at the current moment. i'm sitting on my couch with my patio door open welcoming the morning sun and autumn breeze, drinking coffee and watching netflix all cozy on a cool, fall morning. i'm texting a boy that i used to "date" in middle school and have had a few flings with throughout the years since.

back in middle school i remember around this time of year, sitting on the couch while my parents were at work and my brother was at a friends, watching netflix (and/or playing wii fit) and drinking coffee while texting specifically this boy. it's like i'm taken back to that exact time (except this time i'm indulging in a few joints lol). my inner child is feeling healed and this is the most at peace i've felt in a long time. i usually don't allow myself to rest, i guess i fell as though i don't deserve to (?), so it's nice feeling like i'm allowed to have this time to myself. s/o sex education season 4 <3

in conclusion, this is me documenting the jump start to my healing journey. my focus right now is catching negative thoughts and letting them go, and just being present in the real world. let this be your reminder to pause and actually smell the roses. like literally bend down, put the damn flower to your nose, and smell it when you see one. i'm talking to both me and you on that one.

i hope this is the first of many more diary entries, which i will sign off with the verse OTD:

show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:4-5)