#I'm sure I've had this EXACT dream at least once

[remigoesinsane]

OKAY... WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MORELLA.

So, i feel like Morella isn't getting nearly enough time spent talking about her, which is fair, because we really haven't seen much focus on her recently. HOWEVER. I did just realize that I am now able to share a theory that I've had. Warning: it's... a lot.

So first off, I want to address a theory that directly contradicts mine. This is, of course, the theory of "everyone in Nevermore died in America" theory. I want to clarify: I'm not directly shooting it down. I am, however, saying that it's only a theory, and as of yet has no way of knowing for sure if it's fact or fiction. Therefore, this theory will completely disregard that one.

Now, my theory specifically has to do with Morella's death. The first thing we managed to figure out about her was that she must have died sometime after the 1950s, seeing as that was when the lobster clasp, which is what she has, was invented.

However, she can't be too close to modern times, or she would question why everything is so old-fashioned. Also, her outfits don't exactly scream "21st century", so it's pretty safe to say she's from the 1900s. It's been estimated (thank you panda) that the approximate time frame should be late 1950s to early 1970s.

Now, her spectre. She has a benevolent spectre type, and describes her emotions when manifesting as "wanting to protect her friends, no matter what" (not an exact quote btw). It's pretty widely accepted that she died to save someone else. Also, I must point out: red hair? freckles? (ginger, ginger, Weasley, Weasley- nah I'm kidding lmao iykyk) and shepherd's pie? doesn't that kinda scream Irish? not to mention the resemblance of the pajamas:

I'm a massive riordan fan, and rereading Magnus Chase got me thinking: what if (like Mallory Keen) Morella died during bloody Friday?

Some background (yes I did research): Bloody Friday occured on July 21st, 1972, where bombs went off in Ireland, killing 9 people and injuring about 130 others. It was in response to Bloody Sunday, also known as the Bogside Massacre. As you can see, the dates fit the time frame perfectly.

Red and Flynn never actually confirmed where Morella was from. They once said in the discord that England was a possibility, but not to count it as canon. As of yet, we have no confirmation of where Morella is from, so it's perfectly possible for her to be Irish. Line up all the evidence, and you get this theory: Morella likely died either on Bloody Sunday or Bloody Friday. She's always had a strong instinct to protect her friends, even if it meant her death, which in this case, it would have.

I find this theory to be VERY interesting, especially because as far as I've seen, I was the first to mention it (at least in the discord, and I've never seen anyone make this connection on a webtoon comment.) If I'm right... I'll scream.

Obligatory thanks for making it to the end. DAMN was this was long. Maybe even longer than my crack dream... but that's a story for another time.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello dear! It's been a long time :)

I've read some of your Mandela Catalog fanfics and they are amazing!

I would like to make a request, how about the Reader (who was a friend of the Murray's and took care of Adam after the divorce as Lynn didn't have much time to spend with him) take custody of him after his parents died?

Adam at least grew up with someone :) and the Reader always sang songs when he got sad about his parents...

But the events are the same as the Mandela Catalog (Volume 1 and 2 etc.)

In the meantime, the Reader ends up dying for an Alternative, after months of the Reader's death, the events of volume 2 happen and then the events of Mandela Catalyst happen.

Basically, Thatcher finds Adam singing one of the songs that the Reader sang to him to calm him down, but since it's not the Reader singing...he can't calm down at all .

Just Angst in general...sorry :)

Oh boy this one hurt a LOT to write. Strap in and be ready for (several) different timeskips (and a whole lot of angst)

.........

--September 1992--

"Hey, [y/n]. I'm so sorry to bother you, but-"

"It's okay. What's up? Do you need me to watch him for a bit?"

"...I actually needed to talk to you about something important, but he hasn't stopped crying, and...shit...I-I just need a little bit of help if that's alright. I can't calm him down."

Hearing Lynn's exhausted sigh over the phone, you frowned slightly. It especially pained your heart to hear her son's wailing in the background, yet you realized she called you around this specific hour last time..with the exact same problem.

It was strange, honestly.

You would've thought she'd figured out what was going on with Adam by now.

"Wasn't Jude there earlier? Don't tell me he bailed and that's why he's-"

"No. He actually showed up this time and watched him while I was in a meeting. Everything was fine..a-and Adam didn't make any fuss when he left. But now he just started up the waterworks again and...god, I don't know what to do anymore.."

"Well you tell the little guy to hang tight, okay?" You reassured her as you grabbed your keys, jacket, and shoes. "I'm on my way over."

"Thank you so much, [y/n]..I'm sorry about this-"

"Don't be. It's not your fault. I'll see you in a few."

"Alright, see you soon."

After hanging up the phone, you headed out the door and got into your vehicle, driving to the Murray's residence.

You've been close friends with Jude and Lynn, having supported them through nearly every milestone of their relationship: when they had their son, when they got married, and....when they unfortunately went through a divorce two years later.

To this day, you still weren't sure what caused their relationship to crash and burn. They were highschool sweethearts who hoped to move into the big city and have kids--the kind of dream any couple would wanna live out.

But then they became incredibly stressed over raising just one child alone, and thought rushing into marriage would resolve things quickly.

Instead, it only caused more friction between them.

Regardless, you still wanted to help them out. So you've offered to watch Adam for a few hours while Lynn went to work, or if she just needed to get out of the house and take a breather.

He's a good kid...aside from being either quiet or having huge crying fits with consistent patterns to them. You suspected he saw something scary and violent on television once and hasn't recovered since.

Lynn mentioned a toddler stress assessment he took, showing his scores ranging from low to zero, indicating he didn't respond to the stimuli properly. She would have been more concerned if other children his age didn't share similar results, all apparently due to them being witnesses to a "phenomena".

Whatever it was, it must've been traumatic enough for him to have these meltdowns seemingly out of the blue.

But you always succeeded at calming him down. Lynn mom had yet to see your methods, though she's convinced you're some kind of "miracle worker", doing a better job at parenting than she or Jude could.

Fortunately, she was going to find out today.

You arrived at the house, exchanging sympathetic smiles with the exhausted mother before she led you to Adam's room. There, he was in the corner bawling his eyes out.

"Adam, sweetie? Someone's here to see you." She cooed, but to no avail as he didn't even look up at her. Sighing in defeat, she stepped aside when you reassured her you'll handle it.

"Hey, buddy. It's me again." You spoke softly, kneeling down on the floor in front of Adam. For a moment, he fell silent and glanced up at you, hiccupping on occasion.

But when you opened your arms up to him, he started crying even louder and clung to you tightly. "Oh it's okay, kiddo. Shhh, I'm here." You hushed, holding him as you stood back up. "[Y/n]'s here now."

He could only blubber your name in response, snot and tears dribbling down his face as he nuzzled into your shoulder. You rubbed his back, wishing you could take away whatever made him this upset.

Since that wasn't possible, you did the only thing you could do in that moment.

And that was sing.

More specifically, sing a song you heard on the radio earlier today. It's one of your favorites, which always helps you calm down after a stressful day; surely it'll help Adam in his case, too.

Although your voice was soft and quiet, it managed to reach his ears as you sang to him, and eventually it worked its magic. His sobs died into sniffles, and then sniffles into silence.

You smiled. "Did you like that one? That's one of my favorites."

He nodded, now resting his head on your shoulder and closing his puffy eyes as you kept rubbing his back, humming softly. Before you knew it, he was fast asleep.

"....are you serious? I've tried singing to him and it does nothing!" Lynn whispered, astonished you were able to resolve that in a minute, when usually it took her an hour.

"Sorry, I guess he likes my voice better." You chuckled lightly, before your eyes shifted around the room. "Where do you want him? The crib as usual?"

"...as usual. I know he's supposed to be grown out of it, but he refuses to sleep anywhere else."

"It'll happen eventually, I'm sure." You set Adam down, making sure the pillow was comfortably underneath his head. Then you turned back to Lynn. "So...you wanted to talk about something?"

"It's..on the kitchen table." She muttered, confusing you as she turned and walked out the room.

You followed her to the aforementioned section of the house, noticing documents on the table. One mentioned child custody, which was signed by her and Jude...but also had a third blank line on it as well.

"Jude and I had a long talk, and...we both decided that if, god forbid, anything should happen to us and we can't be here to take care of Adam...we'd make you his legal guardian." She explained. "I know it's a lot to ask of you right now and I doubt we'll even need this, but-"

"I'll sign it."

She blinked. "R-Really? I mean..there's no rush. If you need time to think about it-"

"My mind's been made up. With those broadcasts having everyone on edge, it's better to be safe than sorry. But I hope it won't come to that." You picked up the pen, clicking it as you sat down to read the document. "I just sign here? Do I have to go to the court?"

"No, you can just sign it and I'll bring it to them tomorrow." She swallowed the lump in her throat, choking back tears of relief. "I-I just want Adam to grow up in a better place and..we trust that you can do that should it be necessary."

Nodding in understanding, you signed the paper, slipping it back into the folder before you gave Lynn a hug. "If this helps you guys out, then it's fine with me. Does Adam know?"

"W-We're gonna tell him about it, soon. But..thank you so, so much, [y/n]. This means a lot to us."

"Of course, I'm here for you and him till the very end."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

--One Week Later--

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Lynn? Are you alright? I was driving by and noticed your door was wide open."

"......"

"Lynn? Jude? You guys here?"

"........"

"....Adam?"

"........"

"Anybody home at all? Hello?"

"........."

"C'mon, this isn't.....wha....o-oh my god. LYNN!! No, no, no, no, no!! What the fuck?!! Why would you...y-you....?! Oh Christ, I'm gonna be sick....I need to call 911-"

"[Y/n]? Where's momma...?"

"A-Adam! Don't go in there. Thank god you're okay, but wha...what are you doing out here by yourself??"

"...looking for my new friend."

"Huh? But..sweetheart, there's no one here but us."

"Not even momma?"

"N-No. She's..gone away for a while. And dad, too. But do you remember that talk we had about me looking after you?"

"Mhm."

"Well, that...starts now. I'll be taking care of you for a little while, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good, good..now let's go home."

--January 2002--

It's been 10 years since the worst night of your life, as well as Adam's.

You lost two of your best friends, and he lost his family.

The sight of Lynn's hanging corpse was forever burned into your mind, and you were still unsure of Jude's whereabouts to this very day. He was never found by the police..although you felt like they were too scared to investigate further and give victims like yourself the proper justice.

Nevertheless, you had a promise to keep. And so you've done your best to raise Adam as his legal guardian. Signing those documents all those years ago certainly streamlined the process of you gaining custody over him, and he didn't protest over it.

You never did tell him what actually happened that night. You don't think you'll ever be able to.

All you said was that you found him alone in that house and took him with you, clueless as to where his parents are. It was only partially a lie, yet you still felt guilty.

You tried giving him a normal life away from Mandela County, as it was simply too dangerous to live there. He grew out of the unusual behavioral patterns of his toddler years, thank goodness, and continued being a generally good kid.

In school, he took up a hobby in filmmaking, while also gaining interest in ghost-hunting shows and other subjects related to paranormal activity, including online forums discussing Alternates.

Although concerned about this interest he's been pursuing, you supported his passions.

After turning 14, he reached that "teen angst" state of his life where he was going through lots of changes and constantly flipping moods like a light switch.

And when you picked him up from school today, that bad attitude reared its ugly head for you to see.

He didn't greet you after getting in the car, keeping his headphones on as he stared outside the window, seething red. You did notice a small group of jocks, one of whom seemed to have a nosebleed while the rest scowled at your son, only to see you were staring at them too. They quickly scampered back onto the campus grounds.

But what you didn't notice was Adam rolling down his sleeves to hide his bruised knuckles.

As soon as you both got home, he threw his backpack onto the nearest table and stormed off to his room without speaking a single word to you.

Now any other parent wouldn't have tolerated his disrespect. But rather than chastise him when you knew he was already feeling shitty, you calmly walked towards his bedroom door.

It was partially open, though you gently knocked just to be polite. "Hey, kid..may I come in?"

"....sure. Whatever."

You pushed the door open more, entering to find Adam curled up on his bed, staring down at his music player as he shuffled through some songs. "Glad to see you're using the MP3 I got you for Christmas."

He didn't respond to that, instead burying his face into his knees and keeping his hood drawn over his head.

You sat beside him, knowing that you'd have to choose your next words very carefully from here on out. 'Wish there was some guidebook on caring for a grumpy teenage boy..but I'll have to figure this one out myself..'

"So..what're you listening to?" You asked, hoping to start up some kind of conversation.

"...if you care so much..it's Radiohead." His voice was slightly muffled, but you understood him as your eyes lit up.

"Oh! I love that band."

"You do?"

"Of course! You think I'm too old to enjoy it?" You feigned hurt, although when you heard him sniffle quietly, you sighed and rested a hand on his back. "Look, I noticed those kids staring when I picked you up. They look like the same jerks I used to meet in school. Did...they say anything to you?"

For a few long moments, he was silent, but eventually answered.

"They called me an orphan, so I punched one of them."

Your heart sunk. "Wha--Adam, you gotta be more careful. You could've gotten hurt or expelled-"

"So what? I'm supposed to just take it?" He glared up at you, his eyes red and watery. "I can't defend myself?"

"...that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that there's other ways we can deal with them without violence. But I agree that what they said was wrong." Frowning, you gently brushed his curly bangs to the side. "They shouldn't be using orphan as an insult."

"Yeah. They think both my parents are dead, but they're liars. My mom's still out there, and if she comes back we can prove them wrong."

Ah.

You could feel this familiar conversation starting up again, but this time you weren't sure if Adam was going to be placated by your answer anymore. The more he pressed about it, the more he got suspicious and tired of the same excuses.

"....are we ever gonna go back to Mandela and try to find her, [y/n]?"

You shook your head. "I'm sorry, Adam. But you know we can't. I...have no clue where we'd even start."

"Then why doesn't she try to find us, instead? She must have escaped those things by now..unless she gave up on me."

"Wha--" You blinked, having no idea how he could've drawn that conclusion so quickly. "What made you think-?"

"I-I mean..it makes sense, right? It's been ten damn years and she hasn't tried looking for us once?" He started getting agitated, taking off his headphones as they no longer comforted him. "Maybe she wanted me out of her life for good. I mean...I'm the reason her and dad divorced."

"Adam, their divorce wasn't your fault at all. I knew your mom for a long time, and she loved you a lot-"

"Then why does it feel like she abandoned me?!!" He snapped, throwing his music devices onto the mattress before scowling at you. "Just tell me the truth, [y/n]!! I can take it. If she said I was a burden, then fucking TELL ME!!"

You took your hand off his back the moment he started shouting, feeling yourself tensing up.

The one thing you hoped not to do was make him angry, and yet here he was...lashing out. But you tried not to take it too personally and stayed quiet.

Not long after his explosion, Adam saw the look on your face and instantly felt remorseful for snapping like that. His face began burning with embarrassment as he looked away, fresh tears welling up in his eyes.

"..I'm sorry, I...I just-"

"I know you didn't mean it. It's alright." You carefully wrapped your arm around him, bringing him closer to you. "But you were never a burden to her. That's the truth. She loved you and wanted you to have a better life..one that she couldn't provide. I know you don't understand everything right now, but one day it's all gonna make sense. I can promise you that, son."

He sniffled and tucked his face between your neck and shoulder, trying to stifle his sobs as he mumbled about still missing her so badly. You held him even closer, feeling the poor kid shaking in your arms.

Luckily, you knew exactly how to remedy this situation.

"Adam?"

"Y..yeah?"

"...do you want me to sing to you like I did before? I know you got your music player, but..my voice might help you feel a little better."

For a moment he was quiet, but you felt him nod against your neck. You smiled and kissed the top of his hood, before quietly singing one of his favorite songs:

"Such a pretty house, and such a pretty garden. No alarms and no surprises. No alarms and no surprises...."

He closed his eyes as he listened to your soft voice, tears dampening the collar of your shirt. He felt like he did nothing to deserve you or all of this love after the way he acted earlier.

You could've left him alone, or got angry right back at him.

But you didn't.

You never stopped being there for him.

After Adam calmed down a few minutes later, you let him go and saw him wipe at his face with his sleeve. While still embarrassed to be seen like this, he did feel a lot better. "Y-You...still got it." He chuckled. "You ever think about becoming a singer? Like in a band or something?"

"In my dreams, yeah. But I told ya I'm a big Radiohead fan." You smirked.

"Alright, alright..I guess you're not too "old" to like it." He rolled his eyes, but eventually leaned back onto your shoulder, relaxing. "Thanks again, [y/n]. I-I..really needed that."

"Anytime." You gently hugged him to you. "I'm here whenever you need me, son. I promise we'll go back to Mandela when it's safer."

"Together?"

"Together."

--September 2008--

You couldn't believe it.

You couldn't.

Fucking.

Believe it.

Adam went behind your back and did exactly what you told him not to do.

He left for to Mandela County in the middle of the night, taking a stolen car. Although he did leave you a note saying he was going on a "BPS mission" with Jonah and promised to be back in several days, you were still quite infuriated.

Especially since you've been meaning to talk to him about this little "group" of his.

All this time, you thought it was just some afterschool club he attended that helped him make friends and even find a girlfriend. He told you all they did was chat about ghosts and research paranormal stuff and nothing more.

But he's been using it as a cover-up to hunt down the Alternates who ruined so many lives, breaking several laws while doing so.

You only learned about all this through Evelin, who called your cell phone just a few minutes ago. The poor girl was in tears, explaining that she and Adam had a huge fight, and apparently he told her some....very hurtful things.

Things you'd never believe would come out of your son's mouth.

You didn't raise him this way at all.

You raised him to be a better person, not a rebel who thinks he can talk to girls with such disrespect and run away from home.

Why would he do this all of the sudden?

Did he just get too impatient?

Did he not trust you anymore?

What ever happened to the promise that you'll go to Mandela together?

Regardless, you apologized to Evelin for Adam's behavior before hanging up. Then you called his number, and he surprisingly answered within the first ring.

Usually it took three.

"Hey, [y/n]. What's up?"

""What's up?"" You mimicked, already growing annoyed. ""What's up" is that your girlfriend called me and said you insulted her. All because she didn't like these little "ghost hunts" you've been doing??"

"Oh fuck, did she really tell you about all our problems?" He groaned. "Look, I'm not the bad guy here. I swear. We had a petty argument and she freaked out on ME, and then I got a little defensive. That's all."

"...a "little"? You made her cry, Adam. I had to help her calm down before she could even talk to me."

"....well it's not my fault if she's too damn sensitive."

You couldn't believe how heartless he sounded, but you didn't wanna stay on this topic forever.

So you sighed, sitting down on the sofa as you wondered how you can convince him to stop these ridiculous "hunts". "Listen, son. I just think this is consuming your life too much-"

"But this IS my life, [y/n]! Jonah and I have been making some serious bank from this! Believe it or not, paranormal investigating IS a real job-"

"But it's not a safe one." You interrupted. "I know how badly you want closure on your mother, but those things won't give you any answers. They're only going to kill you if-"

"I stared at one dead in the face and it didn't attack me."

You froze, feeling your heart drop into your stomach. "...what?"

"Yeah! I found out I'm sorta "immune" to M.A.D or whatever, and I have footage of it!" He bragged. "It didn't hurt me at all. We had a pretty funny staring contest. I can send you proof of it so you don't have to worry about me."

"....I don't want "proof", Adam. I want you to come home."

"....not until I find out the truth for myself." Suddenly his tone turned spiteful. "Unless you know something that I don't."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not a dumb kid anymore, [y/n]. If there's something YOU knew about that night that you didn't wanna tell me before...now's the time."

For a few long moments, you were silent as you thought over his words, although his snarky response made your blood boil even more.

At this point you were fed up you were with him sneaking behind your back like this and breaking his promise. You only sheltered the truth of that night from him for this long because you knew how deeply it would hurt him.

But now he was practically goading you into laying it all out.

Maybe that's what you should do. Just to finally put this to rest and make him give up on these stupid "investigations". He was searching for someone who wasn't even alive anymore.

He may hate you, but if this is what he wanted...it's what he'll get.

"I'm sorry, Adam. But-"

All of the sudden, a loud sound akin to static noise crackled right into your eardrum, causing you to flinch and hold the phone far away from you.

Only then did you notice an unknown caller ID had popped up, the ringtone playing normally. You declined it and tried calling Adam back, but the same mysterious number showed up again before you could even dial anything.

You had no choice but to answer the stranger.

"Hello? Yes?"

"This is no longer your place to spill secrets, I'm afraid." A male's voice, staticky and coarse, droned in your ear. "Only I will reveal everything to our prophet soon enough."

"....your prophet? Who the hell is this?" Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I think you got the wrong number. I don't know any "prophet". Goodbye."

Hanging up, you hoped to put an end to that discussion and reach out to Adam once more-

"Of course you do, [y/n]. He's the son you've taken under your wing."

Every muscle in your body tensed.

The same voice was now inside your own home.

Your eyes searched the living room until you noticed the TV flickering to life, the screen displaying a hooded man with a face that looked as if it were melting.

"How do you know about him?" You scowled. "Don't tell me...you're the creep who kidnapped all those kids back in-"

"You played right into our hands. You've passed our test. I must say you've raised him well..keeping him in the dark about his truth." The Intruder taunted. "But it's time you open your eyes and recognize the favor you've done for us."

"...what favor? What does any of this have to do with Adam?!"

"From the moment you saw that boy's poor mother...he ceased to exist, too. I had taken him only for a moment, and gave you back something you promised to protect. But you've been living a lie, [y/n]. Your "son" was never actually him."

"You mean to tell me he's......?" Your heart dropped into your stomach, realizing what he was implying. But you clenched your fists. "N-No. You're lying."

"You had already failed them before you even realized it." The TV glitched to show the shadow of a certain woman with her neck broken, before displaying an image of the Murray house, before it reverted back to the Intruder's face. "You could've joined them, but we wanted to see how he'd grow under your watchful eye. Now thanks to you, we know we can blend into mankind and watch it rot from the inside out. And soon we'll awaken him, too, and rejoice."

"I don't believe you." You tried keeping your voice steady and calm, knowing he was attempting to inflict M.A.D on you. "If you think he's going to be anything like you freaks...you're dead wrong."

"Oh, but he will. He must. It's his fate."

"If he's one of you, then why would he care for the real Adam's mother like she was his?! And on that note...was hanging her just your little "distraction" so you could-?!"

"You accuse me as if I pulled the rope." He scoffed. "But I didn't. She just lost all hope and faith in finding him. That poor mother, too distraught at the sight of her missing infant---distraught at the sight of her missing infant, missing infant, missing infantmissinginfantMISSINGMISSINGMISSINGMISSINGMISSING...."

His voice suddenly began repeating on a loop, corrupted messages and symbols covering the screen. Through it all, you were still able to make out his haunting gaze and widening grin.

The only way he disappeared was when you grabbed a nearby chair and smashed the glass with it, shattering the screen to pieces. Electric sparks and smoke sputtered out of the TV, but besides that...it was finally silent again.

You huffed and took several steps back.

Yet you had little time to fully process everything he told you as your phone rang again. You hesitantly checked it, only to become relieved at seeing's Adam's number and quickly answered it.

"A-Adam! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, um..are you? What happened? You just hung up on me.." He sounded rather concerned.

"I didn't mean to. S-Something must've disconnected our call.." You scrambled to grab your keys, convinced he was in danger.

'Damnit, I swore I was gonna stay away from Mandela, but if he's still there....and HE knows about him-.'

However before you could get your shoes, you stopped and felt a sudden chill run up your spine.

One that left you with the feeling that you weren't alone anymore.

Your gaze slowly went to the front door, where a tall humanoid figure lurked in the nearest corner. It was overtaken by a huge shadow, although the whites of its elongated eyes were still visible, staring back at you.

Adam's concerned "hellos" on the other end fell on deaf ears as you watched the creature limp out from the darkness, revealing itself to be the most horrifying attempt at human mimicry possible.

The worst part?

It looked just like you.

"I'm here whenever you need me, son." It echoed your voice, stalking towards you and forcing you away from the front door, back into the kitchen area. "Something must've disconnected our call-l-l!"

"Who the hell was that? What's going on?!"

Finally hearing your son again, you swallowed back tears as you shakily reached for a large knife, keeping the phone in a tight grip.

This was it for you.

You've just been a pawn in their plans all along.

The Intruder had intentions to kill you with M.A.D by revealing you've basically raised an Alternate for them, and if that despair alone didn't end your life.....then this beast that somehow got inside your home will surely finish the job.

But screw that. Screw all of them.

You'll fight till your last breath if you must.

Your only regret is leaving Adam all alone when he's already lost so much in his life...but you didn't want him to think you resented him.

"I-I have to go. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh back there. I just want you to make the right choices. But if this BPS stuff makes you happy, then..keep doing what you're doing. Just be careful, okay?"

"Uh, sure. But why are you talking like that, [y/n]??" His voice was growing more worrisome. "Look, I'm sorry. I-I swear I'll come back home soon-"

"Don't worry about me...I'll be okay." You smiled shakily, not taking your eyes off the creature closing in. "Just take care of yourself out there. This world's cruel, but I know you'll kick it in the ass."

"Just wait a damn second! Don't g-!"

"Goodbye, my son. I love you."

You ended the call, dropping the phone to the ground and holding the knife with both hands, finally ready to accept your fate.

The Alternate howled with laughter, before it lunged at you with its claws and jaws wide open.

"GOODBYE-E-E!!!!"

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Uh-oh! Bad decision, [y/n]!"

.

.

.

--January 16th, 2009--

Adam staggered through the front door to his home, famished, dehydrated, exhausted....

And burdened with knowledge that made him want to die.

Only a few months ago, you disappeared after that concerning phone conversation you two exchanged. He hasn't heard your voice since, and when he returned to Werksha..you were nowhere to be found.

There was no sign of a break-in, or anything of that sort..but Adam was convinced you were taken just like his mom was--obviously by one of the Alternates.

So he went back to Mandela to continue his investigations alongside Jonah, growing desperate for answers. There had to be at least one who knew what happened to you and where you are.

His obsession with these hunts only worsened, turning him into a crueler person around those who questioned his reasons for "chasing" after Alternates. Evelin did break off the relationship for good, seeing as he was too far gone to even reason with.

He knows you would've been disappointed in him...but surely you'd understand why he'd do this. You understood him better than anyone.

You said it yourself. As long as he was careful, he can do whatever he wanted!

Yet nothing ever turned up.

Until the day he and Jonah agreed to help put a cat's spirit to rest, the "owner" offering them $500 a night if they stayed for three in total...

That investigation ended in a huge argument in which Jonah brought up your name and his mother, setting him off and indirectly causing his best friend's death.

And then he was all alone again, but acted like none of it bothered him and tried to quell BPS' online following with a memorial video.

Days later, the Intruder contacted him on his laptop and unveiled the truth about his existence--the same truth he told you before you died.

"Your skin is not your own."

"You're not the real you."

Those words were drilled into Adam's mind, and he could feel his own body going through an agonizing metamorphosis as he forced himself to drive back to Werksha one last time.

He barely was able to drag himself out of the van and through the front door.

But that's when he was greeted by a grisly sight:

Your rotting corpse slumped against the wall, a bloody knife in your palm and a deep slash wound across your throat, your clothes caked in dried blood.

You were never missing.

You died.

And whatever monster brought you back here decided to present you as some twisted "gift" for him.

Adam collapsed and screamed so loudly that it shattered the lights he turned on, deciding right there that he didn't wanna live this way anymore. He couldn't. He didn't wanna become one of them.

He wanted to join you while he still had his humanity left.

Yet despite all his attempts to end his misery, including using the same knife you used to stab himself and consuming enough bleach cleaner he found under the sink to make him vomit his guts out......nothing was working.

His body didn't fail him like he expected.

He still felt his bones breaking in all the wrong ways, and now his insides fucking burned like an inferno.

Eventually, Adam stopped and instead covered your body with his BPS hoodie, sobbing about how sorry he was for not being here for you, before he managed to crawl his way into his room--his one place of comfort.

Having no strength to climb onto the mattress, he just slumped next to his bed, leaning against the nightstand for support. He made the mistake of looking into the cracked mirror beside him...and wailed as he saw the same monster that robbed you of life staring straight back at him:

A gaunt, skinny husk of a boy with pupils of light and a horrifying facial expression that's impossible for humans to mimic.

God, he wishes he spent more time with you...had he known all of this was going to happen..

Did you know he was an Alternate? Is that why you were afraid of him coming back to Mandela?

What would you do if you found him like this?

Would you still hold him?

Would you still sing to him?

Or....

'That's it...I can sing...' He realized, slowly quieting down as he recalled all the times you sang to him whenever he was saddened in the past.

If you were able to calm him down easily, then surely he can calm himself down in a similar way in this situation. It's just his own voice this time around; it couldn't be that much different...right?

It was worth a try.

"...s-such...a...pretty house...and...and such a pretty gardennn...."

He ignored the creaking of the front door being opened, and the footsteps that echoed through the house, slowly approaching his room.

"No..alarms-s-s....and no....a-and no....!"

Suddenly Adam began hyperventilating, eyes filling with tears as he struggled to finish the line, despising the way it sounded.

It wasn't the same.

It wasn't your voice.

It was a voice that wasn't even his own. Just a broken and flawed attempt to mimic the real Adam's--the one who never even got a shot at life before it was stolen away from him.

If this didn't help him..then nothing could..

He wanted you back.

He needed your voice to sing and comfort him, just as you've done all those years ago.

He needed you.

But you're never coming back again.

Up to this point, a certain ex-lieutenant officer with a vendetta against the Alternates entered the bedroom, shining the light around until he found this kid sitting all alone and....

Singing a Radiohead song?

He realized his ears weren't deceiving him, but just as he attempted to confirm his identity-

Adam's jaw unhinged without warning, stretching to impossible proportions as he looked directly into his eyes, screaming and crying out with all the grief left in him:

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"

[gaslysainz]

Lost (PG10) pt.1

Summary: The world is utterly unfair. He was her most prized possession, her life, her first ever commitment of love. But to him, she was just a mere person lost in his big world.

warnings: ; unrequited feelings; Pierre is a douche , arrange marriage, angst, heartbreak.

Author's Note~ Heya guys! So I had put out a post about getting motivation to write something up, so thank you to all for commenting and encouraging me! Love You All 😘

Here's my first ever story for you guys. As soon as I finish this one, I'll start taking requests maybe! Till then please show your love and support for "LOST".

Journal Entry -1

LOVE....It's something that i have always yearned for.

Even if it's fake. A little bit of admiration, a simple compliment can make my day. 

It's been like this ever since my brother, Isaac Conti left the world. I started living with my step mother Annie Conti and my step sister Julia Conti. Yes, Isaac was my step sibling too but he never made me feel like i'm not his own sister.

My brother was the only one who actually loved me and admired me to the fullest in this family. My mother was an Indian and was forced to marry my father after she saved him from an accident when he was travelling in India. I was a part of a mistake. Ever since my maa died everyone except my brother treated me like shit. Even my father. 

But then i met him. My love of my life, the most important person in my life. My husband Pierre Gasly, the playboy of the F1 track!

Once again life played a merciless game with me. The man that i'm committed to, married to , bound by vows is in love with someone else. To be more clear he's in love with my sister Julia Conti.

How pathetic am i to have a life like this huh! We've been married for about 7 months now because that was my brother's last wish before leaving us. Pierre was his friend and he thought that getting me hitched would've been the best thing to do, but to think of it , it was his biggest mistake. He knew i've always had feelings for a certain blue eyed boy, thus, his decision, but what he didn't know was that Pierre has always been in love with my sister and married me only to get close to her. Pierre cleared everything out for me once we came back from the reception right after our wedding.

Now it's been a few days, two months to be exact that they've been dating , oh! and also sleeping around. What's sad is that i've caught them a few times during action in his bedroom. The only thing that i could do is simply go up to the terrace, look up to the sky and cry my eyes out calling out my Maa and my Brother. I don't blame Isaac for anything.  It's all my fate. 

I'm a pathetic excuse of a human as my husband likes to call me, who does not deserve anything in this world except for tears and sadness.

If you're wondering if Pierre had always been like this? Then let me tell you No! 

It all started after 1 month of our marriage when  he started talking to my sister more and giving her more attention. The lies that had been fed to him by my Step Mother and Step Sister about me is what he believed at the end of the day.

Life has always been a mockery for me. I am not allowed to speak to anyone, it's not like i have any friends to talk to. The only thing i am useful for is to tag along with Pierre to a few of his races or a few other important events as his trophy wife just cause it's an obligation.

No one really knows what happens in our life everyday, not even his grid mates. I'm sure it wouldn't have made any difference seeing they are his best friends. I'm not even allowed to talk to them even if i've seen them around at parties and races. I think my attitude has probably led them to think that i'm a snobby little bitch just like my Step sister. Oh yes! I do use bad words sometimes cause why not? I'm supposed to be able to do at least certain things in life right?

It's not like Pierre is going to read what i'm writing here? 

I've given up everything, every little dreams of mine, SO if you ask me if i think that Pierre is ever gonna love me back , then my answer is No!I would never even dream about thinking that he's gonna love me back.

But there's one person who always looks out for me, he's my only friend I suppose, and that's a certain ferrari driver with a charming smile that always lifts up my mood.

Anyways,I'll just sit aside and keep loving Pierre forever, even after he leaves me for my step sister after a year of our marriage. Just 5 more months to go. 5 more months to be with him. 5 more months to stay by his side as trophy wife when he goes out for parties and races. 

His world is a big one. Where he has got his grid mates, his family, his fans, his work people , my step sister even my step mom...... Everyone except for good ol' me....

I, Mrs. Y/n Gasly is just a LOST case in his big world...

Let's see where the upcoming 5 months take us....

PS - Please lemme know what do you think about LOST and also let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list ❤️

[queentheweeb]

Male Ronal X Fem Metkayina Reader Pt 2

Part 1, Final

A/N: Your friend/tsmuke's name is Yira'vo, and I'm re-using my OC Ranari as Ron'ek's best friend.

-----------------------------------------

You're not sure if something transpired between you and Ron'ek or if you were the delusional one here and believed he was treating you differently, but he was so much nicer and appeared everywhere that you were. You were either by yourself, with your family, or with Yira'vo, and he would somehow, someway, be there in the background watching. You caught him smirking a few times and started telling Yira'vo about it.

"You're not crazy, Y/N. I've noticed." The two of you were at the communal dinner talking amongst each other about the phenomenon that was Ron'ek. "How do you feel about it? Do you like it? Would you want it to continue?" You thought about it as you munched on the Nalutsa with veggies. You must have been quiet too long because she nudged you, urging you to look at her. "You can tell me the truth, and I won't judge you." You knew that already. You sighed, turning to face her fully with a small smile.

"I do like the attention. I like that he acknowledges me. It reminds me of how he was when we were growing up. I have always thought he was cute, funny, and sometimes stupid. Now he is so strong, the perfect leader, he's the man of your dreams, honestly... I just miss his smile." You were looking down, smiling to yourself as Yira'vo grinned to herself. 

"Well, since you told me all of that... It's only fair I tell you about Ranari." You leaned in excitedly as she started telling you about Ranari, Ron'ek's best friend, who was popular among everyone, too. Look at the two of you gossiping about the Olo'eyktan and his brother. 

"I know this is childish, a little, but...imagine we both get who we want." The two of you bumped heads, giggling, missing two pairs of footsteps coming your way. Yira'vo was always on your type of timing, though. 

"For all we know, it could be true. Imagine the look on-" The clearing of a throat stopped your conversation. You both yelped and looked up at the exact two people you both were talking about. You looked as they both sat down with their food across from the two of you.

"You don't mind if we sit here, right?" You minded for one reason but chose not to say anything.

"You can sit anywhere you want." You smiled at both of them, turning to share a look with your friend, who was staring at Ranari. At least someone was enjoying herself a little more. It was a little tense, but it felt nice when Ranari and Yira'vo started talking. You had a feeling that Toni'va and her crowd would come really soon. 

"Are you alright, Y/N?"  You glanced up at Ron'ek, giving him a tense smile and a head shake. "We can leave if you want." You shook your head no again, reaching a hand-out but stopping midway. You saw how his own hand twitched.

"You're not the problem, and neither is Ranari... It's the people coming right now." Your eyes bored into his, and when he heard the tale-tale noise of Toni'va, his face changed along with Ranari's. You felt an unnatural rage swell up inside of you that you broke the utensils you were using with your fingers. You sighed and turned to Yira when she grabbed your hand and squeezed. She let go, and you used your fingers to finish eating your food as your once quiet spot was overrun with noise.

"Why are the two of you sitting over here? Everyone else is over there." You were so mad it was unbelievable. You ignored what was happening as you ate slowly, trying to savor your food.

"We wanted to." His voice wasn't even soft anymore. He was using the voice that everyone heard, even though Toni'va didn't pick up on it. 

"It's so boring over here, though, nothing of importance or someone to talk to." You were getting light-headed with how angry you were getting. You couldn't look at anyone but Yira, who was also losing her patience. You missed how Ron'ek was looking at you.

"No one told you to sit over here; you could go sit back over there." You saw Toni'va's eye twitch at Ranari but focused back on Ron'ek. Ranari had a good point; no one told them to come here and be obnoxious. They squeezed themselves onto the log that you were already sitting on and were pushing you, but you weren't budging. The amount of self-control you have is astounding.

"Even though it's a little cramped, I don't mind sitting here." They kept making jabs at you and Yira and being obnoxious on purpose. You had finally finished eating, with Yira's tail wrapped around yours as the two of you could talk to Ranari a bit, but even the others demanded his attention. It was crazy how they came into your space and wanted the two of you to leave. 

"Can you move over? Or just sit on the ground. It's cramped." You were done and simply were going to swing, but Yira saved you by dragging you over. Now, she was pressed against Ranari, and you were pressed against her. 

"Thanks for being a sweety." The sarcasm dripping from her voice was enough to make you go for her throat, but Yira wrapped an arm and leg around you, whispering rapidly in your ear. 

"They are not worth it; I hate them too, but they are not worth it." You relaxed completely, and she let you go, turning to talk to Ranari while you looked around at everyone, and to your chagrin, they took up the space and were still being obnoxious. They wanted the two of you to move so badly. 

"You move anymore, you'll be in his lap." Yira nodded, but Ranari gripped her by the waist, pulling her halfway into his lap.

"I'm not bothered by it." He grinned lightly at Yira, and you smirked at her; maybe your delusion wasn't delusional after all. It was calm, and Ro'nek seemed more bothered as time passed, and you didn't blame him. Yira finally left, leaving you alone with them, and you were about to get up and go yourself when Toni'va's snarky voice interrupted you.

"Phew, we can all breathe and move around freely." That was your last straw, and with a speed that surprised you, your foot connected with her face, sending her sprawling back. Before her friends could get up and do something, Ron'ek stood between you and them, growling and silencing everyone. Toni'va got up, holding her nose, which was bleeding. 

"Enough." He looked at everyone and glanced back at you, meeting your eyes.

"Punish her! She can't go around attacking people! Look at what she did to me!" Ron'ek was looking, and he was impressed with the speed at which she did that.

"You were verbally attacking her. You kept annoying and picking on her; she had had enough of it." Toni'va looked like she wanted to screech, and it's a miracle that she didn't.

"You're taking her side?! You're just going to let her get away with it!" Toni'va wanted to see you get punished, and you're unsure if you need to be humiliated like that. You didn't want to be, but if what everyone said was true, you just assaulted his future Tsahik.

"Whatever I tell her is none of your concern. Get. Away. From. Here." He added a growl to the last word and watched as they all left, but not without hissing at you. You were going to go for her throat again, but he lifted you up, threw you over his shoulder, and started walking with you further into the woods. It was silent for a while as you dangled, watching the trees get thicker and trying not to think how your ass was next to his face. 

"Where are we going?" You didn't get an answer, and you hissed, hitting his back, but he was unphased. "Arrogant man giving me the silent treatment." He walked a few more before stopping and placing you down on your butt, and you looked up at him only for him to sit down in front of you. You huffed and leaned against the tree, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Look at me." You refused and closed your eyes to be more stubborn. You heard him sigh, and you yelped when he grabbed your legs and tugged you forward. You turned around then, and he wrapped your legs around his hips, which forced you to be on his own legs/lap, and he wrapped his arms around your waist. "Wrap your arms around me." You looked at him, stunned.

"Huh?" He wanted you to do what now? He kept scanning your face just...taking you in.

"Come on. Do it for me, please." You blinked and wrapped your arms around his neck, and he smiled at you. "There, now you're looking at me." You felt yourself getting flustered but didn't look away from him. "I want to know what's wrong with your relationship with Toni'va." That triggered you, and you frowned at him.

"There is no relationship; she made sure to get rid of it when everyone told her she would be Tsahik. She started treating everyone who doesn't worship the ground she walks on as beneath her, and I fall into that category. Everyone follows her orders as if she already got the title when she has nothing." Toni'va bothered your soul. 

"Why does she act like that?" You weren't sure if he was probing for answers, but you'd give them to him. 

"Everyone put it in her head; everyone listened to her, convinced her she was the most desirable, and you didn't bother correcting anyone. You don't like to speak; you avoid her and avoid any conversations about mating her. People believe you're being mysterious and playing hard to get." He snorted at that.

"I don't like her and am not interested in mating her. Never was. She is too arrogant and difficult for me. She will not make a good mate for me nor a good Tsahik. I do not know why everyone thinks I am choosing her." That was a relief to you, but it was short-lived.

"If she is not the one you want, then why not tell her and go after the one you want? Who's feelings do you really care about? Do you like the idea of having everyone chase after you? Is that why you haven't told her?" You could tell you were aggravating him, but you needed to hear his truth.

"She's never alone. I do not wish to embarrass her, but it looks like I have to, so the one I want doesn't think otherwise."  You both were pressed so close together that you could feel his heart beating fast and taste his breath on your lips. You wanted to kiss him so bad. 

"Who's the one you want?" You already knew, but you wanted to see what he does. You saw how he glanced down at your lips before meeting your eyes again.

"You." He closed the space between your lips, and this was intoxicating. You found yourself pressing harder against him, and he moved a hand to the back of your neck to hold you in place. When the two of you pulled back, both of you were breathing heavily, and you giggled, which made him chuckle. Your eyes widened at the sound, and he let out a little laugh, showing his teeth. "You act like you haven't seen me smile before." You shook your head in disbelief

"Not like that...Not since we were children." He hummed because there was nothing he could say to that. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours, and the two of you stood like that, breathing each other in. "Is it me that you truly want?" You wanted to believe, but you also wanted to protect your feelings.

"Yes, ma Y/N. I want you. I want to be with you for life. I want to mate in front of Eywa with you...I have a courting gift that I want to give to you...if you will have me." That was the first time you'd heard him sound nervous, and it was endearing that you made him nervous.

"...Yes, I will accept as long as Toni'va and everyone else in the clan knows. Be sure of your feelings for me because there will be no turning back." You weren't threatening him, but you didn't want him to make a mistake.

"When the sun rises and the day starts, I will announce who my future Tsahik will be. I want everyone to know who I want, and that is you. Not Toni'va. I want my Y/N, and I will have you." You both had opened your eyes at the conviction in his voice, and you couldn't help but smile at him.

"Tomorrow?" He took a deep breath and pressed another kiss to your lips.

"Tomorrow ma syulang."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 3 will be the final part of this! Hope you guys enjoy reading this.

[kittehxx]

Hey wouldn't it be crazy if I made a post to pin? I think it might be crazy to make a post to pin. Yeah that'd be pretty crazy huh

Anyway uh... I'm definitely not trans, nope nope nope, just a very cis male that doesn't have any estrogen or she/her pronouns or fem clothes or fem name or general fem presentation

Also definitely not a lesbian, like I don't think girls are cute at all, and I don't like yuri, and I certainly don't wish I had a girlfriend or anything like that, wouldn't even dream of it nope nope nope

I'm also not ace, like I've sexed probably tens of millions of people (note to self: check whether that's a realistic number), and like also look at that large quantity of sexual posts on this blog that definitely totally exist for sure

Um uh... I'm very much not autistic, like if you take one single look at anything I've posted/reblogged you'll see how typical my neuro is (abnormally typical, in fact), so call my neuro a solenoidal vector field with how zero its divergence is

Then of course I'm definitely not a catgirl, nope I don't even own any cat ears (and certainly not multiple pairs, nope never) and I've never once meowed or purred in my life, either online or irl, nor do I desire headpats :3

And I don't play video games, in particular I haven't been obsessed with genshin for the last several months. I mean like why would anyone want to play a fun game filled with so many cute girls? Certainly not me.

Last but not least I despise music with a burning passion. I certainly would never be a fan of prog rock/metal or anything else cool like that. And I definitely don't play any instruments, such as guitar or drums or whatever. Nor do I write music ever, absolutely not, seems incredibly boring and unfun.

So yeah that's all stuff that doesn't describe me at all, and in fact actually describes someone who's basically the exact opposite of me, so I guess that gives you a little idea maybe of who I am

[hyperactive-cowboy]

So that's the second chapter of the landoscar christmas series, I have literally no idea of how to make a link between this chapter and the first one, so if you want to read it then you'll have to search it yourself, but it is my last post so no big problem. You have probably realized it, but I got inspired to write this story by "All I want for Christmas", so the titles of the chapters are part of the lyrics. As always if you have suggestions or there are issues with the story don't be shy kidsss. Oh and if someone can tell me how to make the link I'd be grateful for my life. ENJOYYYY

Make my wish come true

Warnings: like one curse word at the start and one at the end (I don't even know if those are considered curse words), the littlest angst and fluff. Some words are translated with google because english is not my first lenguage. It's not beta read because I don't have the energy to do it right now as I had planned on finishing the series in 2023 but here I am.

Ship: F1 involved!Lando Norris × not F1 involved!Oscar Piastri (established relationship)

Wc: 3.3k

Chapter 1, 2, 3

Summary: Max and Logan help Lando in his little gremlin plan to propose to Oscar during their christmas party.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Max's phone rang in the exact moment his dream was at its climax, waking him up without letting him know the finale of it.

Max looked at who was calling at such an hour in the morning.

It was Lando. Then probably it wasn't important.

Max deactivated the sound and left the vibration on, trying to fall asleep again just to see the end of his dream, but the buzzing wouldn't stop.

With a mix of frustration and malcontent for his not-well-started Wednesday morning, Max took the phone and answered his best friend.

"What do you want" he asked abruptly

"'Morning sunshine, I also miss my best friend so much" Lando answered sarcastically and Max could perfectly picture in his head the wide tooth-gaped smile his best friend almost certainly had on his face. 

"It's not a good morning when it starts like this" Max returned. 

Lando, on the other hand, laughed at his friend's distress. Max knew that, sooner or later, he would've killed his best friend.

"Anyways, I'm sorry for your pain, but I've just got an idea" it surely wasn't a good start. Every time Lando said stuff like that, it didn't end well.

"Oh god"

"I want to propose to Oscar"

"OH GOD" 

Suddenly Max was sitting on the bed, totally awake and vigile.

He didn't know what to say. Well actually there were too many things he wanted to say but couldn't choose which one to say first. Between the "when?" The"where?" and the "Why?"s. 

Instead, his mouth (apparently not connected with his brain) deliberately and on its own expressed all his emotions at once.

"What the fuck"

"Yep it was pretty explanatory" 

Neither of them knew how to behave. Obviously some people they both knew have got married before, but neither Lando nor Max have ever experienced a crazy idea like that. 

"So… when?" The moment Max started to metabolize the news, he also began to like it in some weird way. 

He knew the two have been together for some time and (at least for Lando) have also been pining over each other for even longer, so it was logical that one of them would've done the big step in a short time.

"Okay, well, that's my plan…" 

Lando started to explain The Big Plan to his best friend, who was more excited every new sentence he heard. 

Max had known him for so many years and has always thought of him as more immature and childish than other people their age, but he was sure Lando would've made the perfect husband to Oscar.

This train of thoughts continued and extended in every direction that included memories of Lando, the emotions took over him and made his eyes water a bit. But thinking about it, those words were good, he should've taken notes for his best man's speech.

"Let's recap it from the start once again" Max read on his phone. It was at least the 25th time Lando had asked him to repeat The Plan. He was sure he could've acted even other people's parts in the show. 

"Dear god I only have to say yes when he asks me about the party" Max texted back.

"It's not difficult" then he added just to emphasize the pointlessness of Lando's worries.

"Don't you dare make fun of me I'm just anxious, it's normal I guess" Lando's answer arrived in no time

Max smiled to himself shaking his head. Some things never change, he thought while unfolding all the memories with his best friend and rewatching every time Lando acted anxious. There were a few.

"If your calculus are right, he's calling me in ten minutes, so maybe I should get ready to answer him?" Max asked, trying to find an excuse to not leave his friend on seen in this particular situation.

Lando texted just a "yeah you're right" and then left the chat.

Max sighed and closed his phone, just to get his hands on his face and rub his eyes.

"Hey Osc, long time no see" is the sentence Max and Lando have accorded for him to say, and he did it spectacularly. As if he hasn't repeated it for the past twenty minutes without a single stop.

"Yeah it has been a tough period. We were planning a christmas party at our place on wednesday, are you in?" Oscar asked him.

"But isn't Lando away?" He was trying really, really hard not to abruptly laugh and scream at Oscar's ear.

"Yeah, in fact we wanted to do this thing together, but then he was called away and we can't postpone it anymore" Max thought he sounded a little exasperated.

He felt his lungs expand and contract without an order, his cheeks had become red and swollen, in his eyes there were tears for holding it back, but then he couldn't take it anymore. 

Max let out a soft giggle, but that giggle meant to him like the most powerful and exorbitant laughter he had ever had, mostly because he felt (he could literally touch it) the importance of his position in there.

"Yeah I think I'll be there" 

"K, thanks mate" Oscar sounded pretty hesitant with his answer. "And you can come with who you want" he then added.

"Great, thanks. Bye" Max hung up just right before exploding in what he thought was one of the biggest laughs of his life.

He didn't know the cause of this, but that situation was so funny to him. Maybe it was just the stress. Most probably it was just the stress. But why should he be stressed? It wasn't even his proposal. What would have happened when it was HIS time to take the big step? Max didn't even want to think about it for a minute.

He jumped back to reality and immediately opened his and Lando's chat to update him.

Max rang the doorbell of his best friend's house and waited for his best friend's boyfriend (and next-to-be fiance) to open the door.

"Never saw you awake this early" 

Oh right! Oscar's humor was something he could never forget about.

"I'm happy to see you too" Max stated with the biggest smile stamped on his face. He patted the boy's shoulders with both his hands and looked him down, trying to imagine the guy with a different surname (something like Norris) and a different look (a smoking might be ideal, and maybe a golden ring on that finger could be even better).

"Yeah" Oscar mouthed with a raised eyebrow and a confused expression.

 Max entered the house without needing a welcome. He treated it like it was his, he didn't care if the actual owner was okay with it. At least he could say the same happened every time Lando and Oscar were at his place.

"What are you doing here?" 

If there was another person in the room, they could've heard three voices ask the same question at the same time.

"No no no. I asked you first" Logan yelled at Max getting up pretty fast from the couch he was previously lying on.

"Well yes man, but really why are YOU here" he repeated.

"I'm here to help Oscar. And you?"

"I'm too" 

Max and Logan looked at each other with a slightly confused stare, narrowing their gazes and tilting their head to one side or the other.

Oscar cleared his voice behind them and just then he realized he couldn't tell Logan what he was about to. ("Well, actually I'm here to help Lando" would've been his response).

"Max, can I ask you to get away from my home? I already have enough help" The youngest boy looked exhausted. It must be tiring to project an event like this almost alone and with his boyfriend hundred of miles away from him. 

He could not understand, but he surely could pity him.

"I'm very sorry Oscar, but I'm not leaving this house until tonight" 

"Okay then" he looked more exasperated every sentence. 

"Don't worry. This will be the best party you've ever been to" 

"Do I have to remind you this is MY house? Maybe I should be the one preparing it" Oscar pointed out almost ironically.

"We will be better than you, trust me" Logan, who has been silent the entirety of the time, had stepped in the conversation to support him, and Max couldn't be more grateful.

With all due care, Oscar left his house in his friend's hands and headed to work. 

Max and Logan had only six hours and a half to transform that house into a HOUSE.

"So why are you here really?" Logan broke the silence, leaning on the shopping cart as he pushed it.

The two were at the mall searching for cute items and classic christmas stuff to hang here and there in the house to make it look more comfortable.

They have given themselves a specific and perfectly timed list to follow religiously: the times were calculated per second and the both of them had certain works to complete.

"Lando wants to propose Oscar tonight" Max let out.

"LANDO WANTS TO WHAT?'' Logan cried out in the middle of the cheese island, standing up like he was electrocuted and launching three slices of gruyere into the cart.

"SHHH why are you screaming?" Max whisper-yelled at him.

"Oh ya know? It's just my best friend getting married to yours, why aren't YOU screaming?" Logan replied in the same voice tone.

"I've already had my screaming session a week ago" he explained.

Max looked at his clock and calculated there were two minutes of delay in their schedule.

Logan looked around himself in disbelief, pinching his own cheeks to make sure he was not living a dream. 

He looked at Max right in his eyes for the first time in their entire lives. 

"Then we have to make sure we do the best of it" Logan stated resolutely, speeding even more than before, driving his shopping cart like a formula 1 car.

"You go bake the cookies, I'll get the house aesthetically ready" 

Max nodded at his newfound friend and sprinted into the kitchen to prepare all the ingredients he needed.

Right after putting on his freshly-bought apron, his phone started vibrating.

Max boringly looked at the screen and would've even hung up, but noticing Lando's nickname on it, he thought it was preferible answering, after all that work.

He accepted the call and put on the speaker while calling Logan to make him participate at the "meeting".

"Everything's okay?" Lando's altered voice sounded more worried than Max had ever heard him.

He took a moment to appreciate the fact that his best friend was giving this plan all his soul. You could know how much he cared about Oscar (or generally about his loved ones, even if he didn't show it that much) just by hearing his preoccupied voice.

"Yep, we're almost ready" Logan answered, just as joyful as Max.

"Wait, who was that?"

"It's Logan. I know everything and I couldn't agree more with you on this decision" his face was stamped with a smile from ear to ear and his eyes shone brighter than the stars.

"Oh hey Log sorry, didn't know you were there too. Does he suspect anything?"

"There is absolutely no way he could. We were silent as a grave" Max answered, almost kicking his feet like a schoolgirl.

"Well then-" Lando's sentence start was interrupted by a not a little hasty Max, who was sure he was about to scream.

"Now that you have secured yours and our wellbeing, can we finish our work? We have a pretty full agenda to follow" 

"Oh okay then, I'm halfway there anyways" 

"Yeah yeah, you know where I keep my second set of keys" and without another word, he hung up the phone just as fast as they both came back to their respective jobs in the house.

"Hey that chocolate dough looks fantastic" Logan laughed entering the kitchen, looking at a totally covered in chocolate dough Max.

"Where? I thought I cleaned everything" Max responded. 

Logan sighed and continued his laugh, then threw a clean kitchen towel at him, telling him where he was still dirty while taking a seat to taste what they had prepared during the evening.

"It's not that bad" he exclaimed, chewing the biggest bite of cheese and ham toast Max had ever seen.

Logan raised the volume of his phone when he heard the first bits of  "Last Christmas" were playing.

By then, the trust between the two was near to the one in a years-long friendship, after all those hours spent together and a common goal in mind. For this sole reason, Logan felt confident enough to start singing his favorite Christmas song.

Max turned around with a shocked look. Not because Logan's singing skills were terrible, well not only because of this, but because he didn't think Logan was one to start singing around what was a stranger until a few hours before. 

And again his emotions changed, his heart melting a little. Logan singing like this in front of him meant that he trusted him enough to show him his silly side.

Max decided to match his energy and start wiggling his hips and dancing a little around the room.

The two were so lost in the moment they couldn't hear the owner of the house entering firstly the place, and then the kitchen.

"What in the world you two?" Oscar looked totally agape.

 Max and Logan fastly looked at each other and the american jumped between his best friend and his new one to try protecting him from any crazy action the Aussie could have done.

Max and Logan both knew Oscar wasn't one for physical contact, (everybody around him knew it) and because of it they were used to him never touching them. This was why, when they saw him coming this close so fastly, they were scared Oscar was about to stab one or both of them with a random pointy ornament found in the home.

It must've been a particularly shocking period for Max.

First Lando's announcement, then Logan's new friendship, and now a hug from Oscar.

"Thank you for everything" Max and Logan heard Oscar's muffled voice buried in their clothes and both moved a little because of the little gesture.

"That's no problem mate, really" Max assured him.

"C'mon now, there's people arriving here to party" Logan tried to lighten up the mood, receiving the tiniest and cutest laugh from Oscar.

"I don't think it's the worst idea you've had until now" Max whisper-screamed at his phone in his best friend's kitchen while everybody else, including Oscar, in the living room was living their best life.

It was at least the fourth phrase he had heard from Lando about what he thought could be the best starter of his proposal-speech.

"Well, at least not the weirdest" he continued.

"Ehy!" Lando laughed at him, but still his stress wasn't relieved, not even a bit.

Max, for the fiftieth time, didn't know how to act.

Like, what did he have to say? Something funny to let the pressure decrease? Or something meaningful to be That One friend for once?

He decided that saying nothing was the best option. For both, him and his friend. He was, actually, not a hundred percent sure about it, but on the spot he failed to think about anything better.

"I think it's better if I go now" Max admitted after a few moments of silence.

He received a "yeah" as an answer and immediately hung up.

Max was totally sure there were more mature things to do than he, seconds after, did. But, unfortunately, less mature things are usually the more spontaneous ones.

This is why, when his phone turned on again, seeing the new message from Lando and texted him back, the only natural thing to do that came to his mind was to start jumping and giggling, just like a schoolgirl.

He got only one thing not calculated in his mind: the fact that Oscar might be keen on entering his own kitchen for whatever reason. 

So when he turned around to face the exit, he found there on the door an astonished Oscar staring at him.

Max couldn't tell what was open wider: Oscar's eyes or his mouth.

Anyway, he had to think about a not-too-much- suspicious reaction on the spot. And surely he had never been good at thinking on the spot.

That's the reason why the first thing Max did was rebuking him, closing the door on his face.

Just a single moment after he thought that maybe his actions were more suspicious than anything else he could have done. 

With a worried expression folding his eyebrows, Max took his phone from the marble table's surface again and fastly texted to his friend he might have done something wrong.

"I'm here"

This was the message he had been waiting for the entire time, but now that Lando had sent it to him, Max was starting to get agitated again, knowing exactly what it meant.

"Is everything ready?" Was the following text he received, to which he answered with a "gimme 5 mins" 

The only three things he had to do were: inform Logan, inform every other guest and prepare Oscar.

The guests heard the news with surprise and loving eyes, while Logan started to sweat a bit.

Last point on his list was to take Oscar in front of the entrance and then his work would be done perfectly. 

But where the hell was Oscar? He had asked Liam, Max (the other one) and even Niran, but they knew less than him. So he searched in every room of the house, even the bathroom, but when he had knocked on the bathroom door, Logan's voice had answered him.

Max asked his and Lando's long time friend to text the next-to-be fiance and tell him to wait.

He tried to think about what could have happened: Lando would have rang the doorbell and Max would've opened the door instead of Oscar and Lando would've found his best friend instead of the love of his life in front of him (already on one knee and with the ring box open and about to repeat the speech he had been talking about for weeks) and then Lando would've asked him "what the hell?" and then he should have answered him with something like "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but we have lost your future husband, we apologize for the unease" and what could've been Lando's reaction to it all?

Max's morbius thoughts were taking such a part of his brain, he didn't realize Logan had taken Oscar all the way in the living room, just right before entering the entrance.

When Max turned around and saw him, immediately looked at his friend Niran, winking at him as a way to give him the signal for Lando to ring.

All the guests were ready with their phones in their hands, faking sending and receiving messages or searching for something on google. Actually they were all about to flash the lights of their phones to make the atmosphere, using the devices just like in the 70s they used lighters.

Except for Charles: he was the one in charge of recording the video, in fact he had the best position of sight.

Max got out of the kitchen as the doorbell rang and Oscar (in a new outfit) rushed to open the door.

"My guest must've arrived" he announced looking at the young Aussie.

From his point of view, Max couldn't properly see all the scene, so he moved through the tangle of guests to crouch down one step away from Charles.

From there, Max could see everything perfectly: Oscar's (flabbergasted, he might add) expression, the fabulous ring, and most importantly his kneeling best friend and the biggest smile he had ever seen on his face.

[vidreview]

VIDREV: "Tim Burton's World of Sadboys" by Infinite Snow Productions

[originally posted april 29 2023]

Not only are you the exact brand of person who Neon Genesis Evangelion is about, you are also the exact brand of person who would completely and confidently miss the point of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

sometimes you come across an essay that says everything you've always wanted to say about a thing but could never quite work out how to fit together all in one place. this is one of my those. like a lot of film-loving millennials who went through an emo phase, Tim Burton holds a very special and deeply complicated place in my heart. the bizarre gothic aesthetics of his worlds brimming over with eccentric freaks captured my imagination as a deeply closeted trans teen who didn't feel normal anywhere [she] went. yes i wanted to be Lydia from Beetlejuice, no i never sat down and questioned what that might say about me personally! some of my earliest childhood memories are of playing with a plastic action figure of Catwoman from Batman Returns. that's not really related to anything, i just wanted to mention accidentally stabbing myself in the hand with one of her ears so hard it drew blood when i was a toddler. so obviously as an aspiring writer with dreams of maybe one day directing movies, Tim Burton felt like the perfect role model for the kind of creator i wanted to be back in 2002.

but as the years went on and Burton revealed himself to be maybe the biggest sellout of his generation, i stopped really thinking about his films and kind of felt embarrassed for having liked them as much as i once did. i think people who grew up with his stuff had this feeling that, like, Edward Scissorhands or whatever was their own personal secret, this little missive from Burton to you that no one else understood, that only you were smart enough to get. but then time happened and suddenly you realized that actually most people liked his stuff, you just didn't get out much. it's sort of like how when you're a teen in 2004 Neon Genesis Evangelion is this niche special interest no one's ever heard of that people would make fun of you for liking if their eyes didn't glaze over halfway through the title, and then you grow up and learn that Eva is the eighth most financially successful anime franchise on planet earth and you're like what

narratively Burton's films are about as socially conservative as you can get while still retaining a veneer of liberal plausible deniability. a couple years ago Maggie Mae Fish did a video dissecting Burton's work that helped clarify a lot of this stuff for me, and ever since then i've been waiting for someone else to pick up that ball and really barrel down into the psychology of the man. don't get me wrong, psychoanalytic media criticism can be dangerous and should only be deployed with excessive caution (and please for the love of god Do Not Quote Freud Jung or Lacan), but Burton's own brand is so surface-level personal and his work far too juiced up with extremely telling themes not to merit at least a little bit of psychoanalysis. i've often idly considered doing it myself, in that "this would make a really good video essay" kind of way when something isn't really in your wheelhouse but maybe would be a fun challenge if you could motivate yourself to care enough, knowing you never will.

enter Tim Burton's World of Sadboys, an essay which does all of this and more. i'm not sure i actually have a whole lot to say about this one, besides that it's everything i hoped it would be from the thumbnail. host Delaney Jordan very succinctly conjures the eternal specter hanging over the Burton oeuvre: that he's one of the vanishingly few directors this century who has had carte blanche to make just about anything he wanted, yet he's consistently chosen to make films about lonely white boys who are sad they can't wear their The Cure t-shirt into the office, and who are honestly quite sick of being unfairly associated with those freaks in the goth scene. the sad truth about Burton that we all had/have to come to terms with is that he's just another boring rich conservative suburbanite, except he wears black and doesn't pay anyone to touch his hair.

this essay does a couple of really smart things structurally. we kick things off with a legendary Orson Welles quote tearing down the scoundrel Woody Allen (read by the hosts of Oddity Roadshow and Critical Bits, the only actual play podcasts i still listen to), a choice that works even if you don't really know anything about Welles or Allen or Burton, and only works better the more you know about them. of course the thumbnail and section titles invoke Evangelion, but you don't really know how this could be relevant until later on when Burton is explicitly framed as a Shinji Ikari type. making that specific historical connection to Welles, within this specific overarching intertextual connection to Evangelion, is just so smart. it's such a galaxy brain framework for an essay and it's why i decided to write up this review.

it works because it gets out of the way. Jordan wastes almost no time hedging bets, making apologies, clarifying asterisks-- i spent most of my time nodding along, delighted for once to be the choir she's preaching to. sometimes i think essayists can let The Point They Want To Make eclipse the simple joy of deconstructing someone else's art. if there's any crime i've committed most as a video essayist myself, it's probably that one. what i appreciate here is, again, Jordan gets it. she gets that it's fun to rubberneck a career like Burton's. he's an easy target that you don't have to feel bad about being kind of mean to, and his work is popular enough that you don't need to waste any time doing recaps. somewhere in the middle i was disappointed to realize she wasn't structurally devoting time to Every Single Film, but by the end i was glad of it. the compulsion to Say Absolutely Everything You Can Possibly Think To Say is strong in the video essayist's heart, and let's be real most of the time that makes for pretty fucking boring essays. maybe it's weird to talk about pacing and flow in the context of a video essay, but here we are. this one just scratches an itch for me with its front to back competence. you can always tell when an essay has been brewing in someone's head for a long time, likely practiced in chunks at parties and social gatherings for years and years until the day of its final refined delivery, and oh how sweet it is when that's an experience you share.

i guess i'll end this on a serious note.

nostalgia has engulfed Hollywood. nothing new can be made because nothing new is a sure bet, so all the big developments in creative tools these days are about composting the culture that already exists. deepfakes, chat-gpt, algorithmic image generation, things of this nature. given this moment in history, i think it's more important than ever that we as adults seriously interrogate the media we're nostalgic for. Disney's place at the center of all this can't be ignored, because it's spent the better part of a century embedding its products into american childhood and thus today has an army of devotees who will defend their frankly kind of mid fairy tale cartoons to the death. Tim Burton, on a much smaller scale, has done precisely the same thing: equating his art with himself, equating loving his art with being on Tim Burton's side rather than simply, you know, enjoying a movie that you saw on tv once. and god, oh dear god, please for heaven's sake let us not even Begin to conversate on the matter of Harry Potter. we live in a moment when the average human person has been so thoroughly dispossessed of any material influence on or connection with the systems and bodies that actually drive civilization, that fiction is the only thing that feels like it belongs to us anymore. it quite demonstrably doesn't, of course, but that's the illusion Disney et al deliberately peddle in order to maintain public acceptance of their monopoly.

given all this, i'll never fail to appreciate an essay that cuts right through the blinders of nostalgia and isn't afraid to dig deep into the core of the issue. i think it's good to be a hater sometimes actually. i think it's good when a critic refuses to humor our culture's simpering deference to corporate robber barons of intellectual property and their endless stable of lazy sellout toadies like Tim Burton. idk man, there's a reason these ghouls want you to love them unconditionally and i really don't think it has anything to do with filling your life with selfless wonder and joy de vivre

anyway it's a good essay with some good laughs, go watch it

[thebrokenbean]

Okay spoilers for Chapter 25 of Breaking Bread by @ss-shitstorm

I said in the Ao3 comments section that I have theories, and I was told to share. I typed all of this out in Ao3 but realized what an utter wall of text it was going to be, so here it is on Tumblr! Technically it'll be a wall of text anyway but... idk formatting probably works better here lol

In any case, I'm just gonna pick up from my first thought and go from there.

Theory time about Reader's Stranger:

Metal. He's metal. Definitely Megs, especially since we've already found out that he shares the same dream as Reader. Based on his dialogue I'm also guessing that he's experiencing this dream at the exact same time as Reader - they're talking to each other via the dream world and neither of them even knows it.

"I've seen these rooms, I've walked these floors" excuse the Hallelujah quote lol but Reader's recognition of their surroundings reminded me of that. Anyway, I'm getting reincarnation vibes here??? Not that they've both reincarnated though. Megs has been alive far too long for that. BUT maybe it was just Reader?? That would explain why he had such reverence when he asked if it was really them that he was seeing and speaking to.

Their nickname is 'Mouse'. Mouse = tiny, so this could mean in their past life that they were a human he knew very well (How well remains to be seen but I'm leaning towards them being romantic, or at least almost that way, despite how he says 'friend'). If they weren't a human in their past life, maybe they were a small Cybertronian (a minibot??) and 'mouse' is just the English translation of the Cybertronian word? And if they were indeed Cybertronian, 'mouse' could either apply to their physical size or maybe their speed/agility?

"You're light-years from your time, little one"

This ^ does throw me off though. He did show (hastily masked) grief when Reader's death was mentioned, so it's possible he was just trying to reassure them? I mean, it's possible (again, assuming that they're talking directly to his subconscious) he thinks they're just a memory. Like a snapshot of the person he once knew, but the snapshot is taken from before anything bad happened to them. If that's the case, he could just be reassuring them that they're fine so that he doesn't have to relive the pain & deal with his Stranger (re?)learning of their terrible fate. So to connect back to the 'light-years' part, that could just be a figure of speech.

"Were it up to me, I'd never leave"

See see this is one of the reasons why I think they're both dreaming each other in real-time! HOWEVER.

“But you have to leave.”/“We both do. We’ve our lives to return to, after all.”

We both do. This probably throws off the reincarnation theory, which should simply confuse me but instead I'm confused and also fascinated!

What does he mean? How much is he actually aware of?? He definitely doesn't recognize Reader outside of the dream world, since he'd be all over them and (I quote) treating them "as a knight would his king". So what kind of life does he think his Stranger is returning to when they wake up?? Maybe this actually does support the reincarnation theory, while also telling us that he knows about said reincarnation?? Does he think their reincarnated form is somewhere else on the planet (somewhere else in the universe even??) living their life without him, while they're actually right under his olfactory sensor in the form of Reader?? I'm so curious!

“Am I gonna see you again?”/“Of that, you’ve unfortunately no choice.”

The 'unfortunately' here is hanging me up. Granted, "his smile loses all traces of sorrow", so he's back to being a bit of a cheeky menace, which is good because that's normal for him. Butttt something feels off? I think is the right term here? Idk. Might be nothing, or it might be super significant. Either way, I think him being so sure of seeing them again has to do with the dreams. If he meant they'd see him in the real world, that would mean he'd know who Reader is and I've already established that I think their current dynamic would be wildly different if that were the case. So it's possible he simply knows that they'll both have these repeating dreams occur again.

“You’d think the eons that passed would have afforded me greater equanimity, but I’m every bit as emotional as I thought I’d be.”

Wait wait going backwards in the chapter to look at this for a second- "as I thought I'd be." Was he expecting to meet them in this dream?? Also, eons?? Just how much time has passed since he last saw his Stranger in person? Are we looking at multiple reincarnations, if Reader was indeed originally a human?

“There is much I cannot discuss, despite my overwhelming longing to do so.”

Okay actually it's possible he does know about reincarnation. Possibly. I really want to know what he wants to discuss, but for the sake of theorizing... maybe he's refraining from telling them because of what I mentioned about keeping them safe from the knowledge of their horribly tragic death. But it should be fine to talk about other not so horrible things, so that's hard to say. Maybe he does know about reincarnation, knows his Stranger forgets everything, and doesn't want to overwhelm them? Again, hard to say.

“But I don’t... I don’t know who you are.” / “And it must stay that way, for now.”

Hnnnnn yeah I think he knows. He's got to. Or at the very least, his subconscious does. Again, not so sure why he's keeping that a secret from them. Maybe like I mentioned earlier it really is just his subconscious that Reader is speaking to? If it were his main consciousness (like it sort of seems to be for Reader), he probably wouldn't care so much about being cautious (we all know TFP Megs can be a bit too focused on instant gratification lol), but perhaps his subconscious knows better? There's still a lot that remains to be seen though.

Hoo boy. That is utter word vomit. My gosh. Okay. I thinkkk I got everything. I sincerely hope that didn't get too incoherent. I was running out of ways to express my thoughts lol. Plus it was like 1am when I wrote this last night and I'd had a long day 😂

In any case, I'm off to read Chapter 26 because gahh I'm so excited to see where this goes!

[tellmegoodbye]

What would 911: Sunshine* look like?

*Texas = the Lonestar state, Florida = the Sunshine state

LEMON!! This is my dream!!!

And yes 911: Sunshine is absolutely what I would call it!

Okay so first of all, location! I think the city a spinoff would most likely take place in is Miami, but in order for me to really personalize this (it's my dream, I do what I want) I'm going to switch things up and have this take place in my city: Tampa!

This location is interesting for many reasons, but mostly because of its layout and it being on the bay. The city itself is probably where most of the show would take place in terms of emergencies, but there's a lot going on here for a city on the smaller side! Of course, there will also be opportunities to see the rest of the bay area. (Tampa is the city, Tampa Bay is the region)

Here are some potential locations/ideas for emergencies

Skyway Bridge. Visually, it's just stunning, and yes many people are scared to drive on it. It collasped once over 40 years ago and it has safety mechanisms to prevent such an event from happening again, but I'm sure a 911 spinoff would get creative and find another way to make something go wrong.

The airport. Like 3x08 except worse because I have a chaos brain.

The arena where the Tampa Bay Lightning play.

Busch Gardens (a theme park)

Pick a beach. Any beach.

Literally tons of forest area where there could be a wildfire. Also tons of natural springs and rivers where you could have accidents.

Toursists. There is never a shortage of snowbirds being idiots in these parts.

Ybor City. There's a LOT of history here. It's also just a really cool place to explore. They have parades here (I've been in a few of them!) so maybe something goes wrong there.

Alligators. 🐊

Now lets talk major disaster arcs. 911 OG has earthquakes and tsunamis, Lone Star has ice storms and tornadoes, and 911: Sunshine would have a massive hurricane arc.

We kind of have an interesting history with hurricanes in Tampa Bay, at least in my lifetime, where every time we're about to get hit it shifts last minute and everyone who evacuated inland ended up being directly in its path. This happened with Charley in 2004, and Ian in 2022. Both made landfall in the exact same spot after shifting away from the bay area, which is kind of eerie.

I'd say a disaster arc like this would have one finally directly hitting the bay, and it would be a lot like the tsunami in 911. Very angsty, similar scenarios where peolpe go missing, and potential for the kind of water rescues Marjan was talking about doing back in Miami.

One little fun fact before I go. This doesn't apply to the city of Tampa, but I absolutely had to share this. If you venture out into the rest of the county like where I live, the firetrucks and ambulances are a lovely highlighter yellow! Or is it green? I've never been able to tell.

Don't ask me why. I have no idea. 😂

[symptoms-syndrome]

Discussion of suicidal ideation/attempts TW

Last night I came home after a show and hung out with my brother, and we were talking about mental health stuff. At one point we talked about suicidal ideation, and I asked (kindly, and we have a sort of relationship where this is ok) if he had ever had an attempt, and he said no.

This honestly surprised me. Not because of anything about him in particular. I just sort of assume I guess that most people I know have had attempts at least once. I assume most people on earth have at least considered it or wanted to at some point. I can't imagine a life where suicide is not a little devil on your shoulder or a following shadow.

I've had. Honestly a lot of attempts. I don't remember an exact number. Some were earnest attempts and some I knew I would fail. If I counted the sort of passive, risk taking behavior I *hoped* would end in death the number would be even higher. I think because a lot of my attempts were kinda young, it's sort of my brain's go-to for fixing problems.

IDK. I also had a dream where I had to redo my senior year of high school last night. Not the same school I went to, but a few people there recognized me and in the dream I had a really big breakdown about it. Like yeah I'm sure you remember me, I'm the one who was fucking crazy insane. I had all the mental health issues that scared all the other kids with mental health issues. I wasn't even fun crazy. Just Troubled. Or whatever. I don't know. I'm so tired of being so unwell for so much of my life. Shockingly, dramatically, tragic soap opera unwell.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

11, 15, 19

11. Dream contestants for the future?

I did one of those back in June, after they announced the season 14 contestants, so those are my top five names who have not yet done the show, but for this I'll pick five more. Five people I have not mentioned before on a dream contestant list but would love to see on Taskmaster:

David O'Doherty - Has the exact right attitude for the show. Can be competitive, can do ironic posturing, but can also be a very good sport about everything and just great fun in general. Can play keyboards, and if they had him on I'm sure they'd give him at least a couple of excuses to incorporate that. Can, as I recently went on about in a few posts, play sports. Might be a dark horse to win, with ability to do musical/creative tasks, and would likely be decent at physical tasks, and is quite good at intelligently thinking things through. At some point during that paragraph, I realize I've stopped writing why he should be on the show and just pretending he's already been cast and planning what my related blog posts would be.

Also, he'd be everyone's favourite. In case he is ever cast, I'm saying this now so I can have evidence that I called it in advance. He'd be the Mike Wozniak, the John Kearns, the Ardal O’Hanlon. The guy I never see talked about here, but give him two episodes and my dashboard on this site would be full of DO'D gifs and drawings, and it'll be great.

Huge Davies - His persona of someone who is sort of very odd and deadpan and lives in a slightly different world is just close enough to being a "persona of a real person" instead of a straight-up character, so I think it's something he could mostly keep up for ten episodes, and that would make for very good Taskmaster. But every once in a while he'd have to break it, and I'd really enjoy that too. Also, more keyboards.

Chris Addison - As I've said before, I want Chris Addison on Taskmaster just because I want his tactics of announcing he'd be terrible at it and falsely implying he's already been booked to be the strategy that works for getting on there. But also, he'd be great. His energy is a wonderful combination of bright and enthusiastic in style while going fucking dark in content, and that would bring the perfect atmosphere to the house and the studio. No episode could have a lull with Chris Addison in the room. Also he's brilliant, in the sense of being really intelligent. I'm predicting creative task solutions and observations that other people miss, in the imaginary future of Chris Addison on Taskmaster.

Josie Long - She's the original Taskmaster champion and should really be on there just for that. Or I think Wozniak was the very first one, but still, she was champion of the original iteration. She lights up any show she's on, just like Chris Addison, and would similarly not allow a lull in the studio. A perfectionist who I think would throw herself into the challenge of getting every single thing right on every task, which I'd enjoy watching so much.

Susan Calman - I think she's argue with everyone about everything, and I like watching that. Has been in the game long enough to not be intimidated by Greg. Would get mad about everything but also be lovely at times. All the energy you want on Taskmaster.

15. Any unpopular opinions?

Lots. Here's one: I really like Iain Stirling on there now. When I first watched season 8, I found him as annoying as everyone else did, even though the competitive ones are normally my favourites. Since then, I've heard him on the podcast, and seen him on enough other shows where he's more relaxed, so I understand what he was going for on Taskmaster and generally what the hell he was doing. And with that context, I enjoy him way more. These days when I re-watch bits of season 8, I think Iain Stirling and his weird insecurity and desperation is one of the most fun parts.

19. When did you discover the show?

Early March 2020. I specify early because I've said before that Taskmaster is what I did with the pandemic, but I actually got into it about a week before things started shutting down here, back when the corona virus was a distant and terrifying force, but not one we really think would change our lives. I happened to see a reference to a show with an interesting premise, I looked it up, found it was all on YouTube. Saw it was British, and thought, oh that's cool, I say I like British comedy because I grew up on things like Monty Python and Blackadder and Yes Minister and Goon Show and Beyond the Fringe and Alan Bennett's voice and Mr. Bean and whatever else my dad had around, and I know that The Thick of It is the greatest piece of media ever produced. But other than listening to The News Quiz or Now Show every week, it hasn't occurred to me to wonder if British comedy might have continued to exist after the turn of the millennium (aside from The Thick of It, the greatest piece of media ever produced). That's an interesting idea, British comedy but like, what they're doing now. I'll see what this is.

Started watching s01e01, though it was weird but sort of interesting and that's the guy from The Inbetweeners (oh yeah, there were a few other exceptions to my not having seen any more recent Britcom, for some reason I watched all of The Inbetweeners in my early 20s), playing basically the same guy, so okay, that's cool. I guess I'll watch the whole episode.

Then Romesh Ranganathan threw the watermelon on the floor and I was done. Fell apart laughing, needed to pause the video while I tried to get it together, immediately texted the link to my father to say I'm going to pay you back for all the British comedy you've given me with this (since then, I have paid him back many more times over with much more of this shit). That was the moment I was 100% hooked, was not interested in doing anything else for the rest of my life except watch this show. And then, by coincidence, the world ended about a week later so I happened to have a lot of free time for that.

I watched the first nine seasons very quickly, and then decided I wanted more of all those people so I looked up everything else they'd done, and now I'm here.

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS IN LOVE - Chapter 15 - Part 1 BOOK THREE: 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

I got to Noah's place by six-fifty at night but didn't want to be pathetically early to talk to my ex-boyfriend, so I waited until seven-ten in the lobby before going up to his floor.

Which I knew was equally pathetic.

My insides were trembling, I was so nervous to speak to Noah.

We haven't had a genuine conversation in mouths and I didn't know if this 'talk' would officially end ties between us or not and that thought terrified me, so with a shaky hand, I knocked on Noah's front door which I was all too familiar with.

It wasn't Noah but his roommate 'who I still don't remember the name of' answered.

Go figure.

"Oh hey, Sam," she greeted me.

"Hey... um... sorry, I forgot your name," I spoke sheepishly.

"Ciera," she informed me.

She seemed to be ready for a cozy night in with her black, cotton shorts and an oversized black hoodie.

Noah's hoodies to be exact.

It was plain black with the Nike symbol on right of the chest area.

I've worn that hoodie multiple times.

I really couldn't keep up with Noah and his 'apparently multiple' lovers.

"Ciera. Right. I..."

'Ahhhh. Why couldn't Noah have answered the door?'

"Um... we're... Noah and I... Noah and I... ahahaha... um... we were gonna talk... so I told him I'd be here at seven and... um... is... is Noah here?"

'Why didn't I ask that from the start? Because I'm a freaking idiot, that's why.'

"He's not here actually."

I tried not to come off too disappointed.

"Oh... he said to... is he at work?"

"He's off today and I'm sure he'll be home soon. So, come in."

'Oh God, déjà vu.'

Except this time, I stupidly agreed.

"Yeah, okay," because I was desperate to talk to Noah and maybe he was just running an errand.

Taking her up on the offer, I stepped inside the apartment.

Last time I was in Noah's apartment was when I was screaming at him to 'break up with me like a fucking man' so yeah, I wasn't feeling the greatest.

"I was making myself some hot chocolate if you want some," Ciera offered, making her way into the kitchen.

The same kitchen Noah fucked me in months ago.

Oh wow, I really gotta stop picturing that because then I was imagining that time Noah placed me on the counter top, his mouth on mine while his hands went to my...

"Sam?" I heard, bringing me out of my Noah fever dream.

"I'm just gonna sit over there," I gestured towards the stool underneath the edge of the counter.

"Yeah, go ahead," she said so I took a seat.

I watched as Ciera pulled out a pot and placed it on the stove.

"Oat milk okay?"

"Sounds good. So no, hot cocoa, from a packet, then?"

"Hell no, homemade hot chocolate is the best," Ciera claimed.

She already had her ingredients out, Hershey's cocoa powder, sugar, oat milk.

She even had peppermint creamer to add and whip cream.

"So... um... how's... how's living with Noah?" I asked to bring some sort of conversation to the table.

"Not horrible. I think we both balance each other out. Though I could do without his PMSing."

I chuckled and watched her pour the steaming hot chocolate into two different mug. Hers saying 'hot shit' on the side and mine having a funky tie-dye pattern to it.

"Actually his mood has been better now that he's been talking to someone," Ciera told me as she sat on the stool next to mine.

"Oh, Noah's seeing a therapist?"

Ciera nodded.

"That's great to hear. He's been through so much," I said then took a tiny sip from my mug.

It was still too hot but I at least got to taste it.

"Hmm. Homemade is better," I exclaimed.

Ciera chuckled before saying...

"Always is."

I smiled then looked down at her hoodie and my gaze averted down my mug.

"So... uh..."

'Don't ask, Sam, don't ask. I asked...'

"Are you and Noah...?"

"No. Gross, no," she cringed and my heart filled with relief.

"I mean we kissed once but it was like," she paused to think.

"Like un-knowingly kissing your cousin and then finding out he was your cousin, ya' know?"

They kissed?

"Ah hahah yeah. Totally."

No, I didn't know.

"Yeah but anyway, how's Boring Benjamin? Oh shit. I'm sorry. I mean..."

"It's okay," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Ya' know, he can actually be lots of fun. Very not boring," I said suggestively.

"Oh? Really now? Tell me about this Not-So-Boring Benjamin."

So I told her about my relationship with Benjamin 'all the good and exciting parts of our relationship' and eventually the conversation shifted to Ciera's love life.

I hated to admit it but Ciera was actually a really cool person.

I could see why Noah and Ciera are good roommates.

She almost seems like the mellow, female version of Noah.

*********

"He did not say that," I gasped at Ciera's words.

She was telling me a story about this one night stand with a guy called Finn and how easily attached he got.

"Oh he did. In the middle of cumming. He was like 'I think... think I'm in... in love... love with youuuuu..." Ciera mocked a deep voice while imitating a man thrusting.

I laughed.

"Oh my God, no. So what did you do?" I asked, completely enthralled by Ciera's story until the front door made a jingle noise and both Ciera and I turned our heads.

A little after eight pm, Noah walked through the door.

"Shit, Sam," Noah breathed out as if me being there caught him off guard.

I stood.

"I'm sorry, I thought we agreed meeting here at...?"

"No, yeah, we did. I got caught up with family shit," Noah explained, walking further into the room and suddenly the air was thicker.

"No worries. I can go if... it's not convenient"

"No," he turned down quickly, then more calmly.

"No, it's all good now. So..."

I watched his eyes travel behind me and I turned towards his gaze which landed on Ciera silently sipping her hot chocolate.

"Is that my hoodie?" he asked her.

Ciera looked down at her chest, pulling at the fabric that covered her, then looked back up at Noah.

She shrugged.

"Probably. I found it on the couch and I was cold," she explained in a nonchalance manner.

"Well, get your own hoodie and leave my shit alone," he told her before facing me.

He was closer now so I had to look up to meet his eyesight.

"Wanna go for a drive? We can park somewhere and talk."

He was too close to me, I could smell his cologne.

'Respond, Sam, stop staring at him.'

So I nodded.

"Yeah, that's... that works."

Noah's eyes shot down then back up my body 'my heart stopping in the process' before giving a curt nod and turning around, heading to the door.

I exhaled and then to Ciera I said...

"Thanks for the hot chocolate," before slipping my shoes back on.

Noah held the door for me as I stepped out of the apartment and waited for him to lock up before we silently went down the stairs.

It was painful how loud the silence was between us.

I wanted to ask him about his Mom, that phone call earlier.

He was obviously still in touch with her but he didn't seem too thrilled that she called him, so I didn't know where they stood with each other.

Not that it was my business but I did care about Noah and I hoped the weight he carried with his family had lessened some but it wasn't my place to ask Noah and Lord knows how me asking him about his Mom might trigger him.

Plus, I wanted this conversation to be about things between us.

We ended abruptly, our relationship was too intense to just end like that.

So as soon as I was buckled into Noah's passenger seat, I asked...

"So? What were you wanting to talk about?"

Even though I knew or I assumed I knew.

Noah cleared his throat and seemed a bit antsy as he drove out of the parking garage.

"About us and how things ended? I just think both of us deserve an actual..." he paused, thinking on the correct words but didn't seem to come up with one because he said...

"I don't know. If we're gonna see each other every day, we should have our shit figured out."

I nodded.

"I agree."

We didn't speak for a little bit as Noah drove but we didn't go far as he pulled into a dark, empty parking lot three minutes later before shifting into park.

He took a deep breath then faced me.

I didn't know why I agreed to be sitting in a confined space with my ex-boyfriend instead of in his apartment with a witness like Ciera around to keep me from doing something crazy.

Because in that moment, there was nothing more that I wanted to do than to kiss Noah Wright.

[just-a-cool-person]

I'm right before a wall. More accurately, I'm consistently walking into a wall, just inches before my face. The instinct to stop moving, a natural avoidance of pain, plays again and again, but my legs do not take the signal to stop walking. They move, cyclically, infinitely.

Since when did I enter this kind of dream space?

I face my left. To this side, an unfathomably far expanse. This is where I see every single concept of "me" I could be or have taken. This is every decision that has led up to the being that I, myself, am. It is also the millions of other "me"'s, who, by definition, are not me. Who could not be me, who could never, by exact specification, ever be me. They are the selves, however, that I do embody. Billions of expectations, whispered in secret, in my ear. Every single perspective on who I could be, all asked for me to perform. The passing of a note behind backs, but when I open it, the list is too long to even comprehend.

And yet, I make myself these "selves". I've always been a people pleaser. And so, I am what is asked of me by this stranger, this friend, this family member, and never what I, by definition, am.

I face my right. There's nothing there at all. This, too, is myself. It is the person that I truly am. An absence of anything at all, canvas splattered over in white, bones gnawed clean. Maybe it was, once, something. Who I was and felt happy being. I close my eyes and I can feel a blurry outline of this ideal that I so desperately wish to have. But, that had been discarded. Because, as a canvas, to every onlooker, I was the "wrong colors". So, I had to be painted over, once again, again, and again, and once more. It all ends up as white, in the end. This can't be anything. We can never allow this to be anything.

Dreaming is a hell for me. Because I've never been able to open my eyes, I always face these dreams. And that is exactly the contradiction that form's my very being. The inability to face reality, I delve deeper into falsehoods that are in no way me. I can't wake up. I can't see anything clearly. And so, the ideal drifts farther. The dreams are my only comfort, hiding the pains of my life that would have killed me by now due to their cruelty, but they are what stops me from ever having lived at all.

This realization sinks me deeper and deeper into despair. Thrashing to wake, to be something, to live, all once again colored over. Because every time I hope, I set hope too high. And it burns me again. And so I dream, always burning. My life defined by despair, by this suffering.

At this point, I open my eyes. I've been scrolling Tumblr for a few hours. I look at the notifications of my posts. One of my vent posts talking about how much I hate my life has gotten one note, a like from someone I haven't talked to in months. I am reminded of another post I saw, stating that the poster liked vent posts as a way of patting someone on the back, or giving a hug. It is the least comforting feeling in the world.

However, this stirs a sort of resolution in myself - because I am sure of one idea.

If I am anything, I'm a fucking hater.

[astuckathometome]

Alright, well for all of the 3 people that will actually end up seeing this, hi, hello, I've been not-tagged by @articulately-composed, cause I felt like doing this, lmao. It helps me think about things I don't process.

1. Were you named after anyone?

Originally, my father, but I had my name legally changed to swap my middle and first name, so technically, Joseph from the Bible, lol.

The names I go by, that's just. My username from when I was a kid, mostly. It's been a while, but I like Ciel being on the list.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I couldn't tell you the exact date, it was recently though. I've had car trouble and that really fucked with my head for a night or two. The desire to just have things work for once, is a strong one.

3. Do you have kids?

Lord no. I'm a quarter century but I'm not planning on it anytime soon. I am absolute ass at dealing with children, and to my knowledge, none of my partners want them at the moment.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Bowling, kickball, tiny bit of flag football, nothing important, that's for sure.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Fairly frequently. Not all the time, but enough that it's noticeable I think.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Honestly? I'm not sure. I think voice is a big one, but it all depends on the context and place. If it's a date, I'm gonna notice the face and outfit, if it's a family party I'll be thinking who they look like, but, in general especially since I mostly live online, voice/typing style.

7. What’s your eye color?

Hazel, with green on the outside and brown on the inside. Nothing too fancy, but I've gotten compliments on them before.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Always the happy endings, at least as a preference. I can get down with a bad ending sometimes, but like. Endings in general are the important thing, which sucks cause I read so much fanfic, and those are never finished, lmao. Same with Manhwa.

9. Any talents?

Mmmm, I can sing and voice act fairly well, slightly above average bowler, good hugs, and a wealth of strange trivia that I cannot control the flow of, which makes me an ace at trivia games.

I also read fast, but that's not much of a talent.

10. Where were you born?

In a log cabin, or at least close to one, and I'm not kidding.

11. What are your hobbies?

Mostly videogames, watching youtube videos, and occasionally, so occasionally, writing and drawing.

Voice acting too, but it's hard sometimes, lmao.

12. Do you have any pets?

No, but I'd love a sweet self sufficient kitty eventually.

13. How tall are you?

6'1, there's a part of me that wishes I was a twink, but alas.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Probably English or Science. Was always a big fan of those two.

15. Dream job?

Voice acting, streaming, something with flexible hours and a creative bent. Please. For the love of the gods.

Anyways, I'll tag @soundwavefucker69 cause fuck you, I'm off to read about a pigeon.

[salorade]

Mask, bound, break

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!! Asks of tumblr are/were always my favorite most indulgent thing online. >:D

I have NOT done a good job info-dumping (if any at all!) on tumblr about my OCs-- and i have too many to tell-- so I'll use this time to answer about Maso since he and gang are the OCs i havev spent a considerable amount of brainpower thinking about(he is a deepseaprisoner fan oc) -- and also do a double and do Blorbo, who has nothign to do with maso and friends but he is a guy in my icon.

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

Maso: Not quite figuratively-- as in, he puts on an act but at the same time he doesn't really put an act on. I wouldn't call him genuine, but I wouldn't say he's hiding a truer self. When he's sad, he'll try to escape it with substances and jokes. The two people who do see under his pretense would be his right-hand demon whom he has spent a considerable amount of time with (unhealthy coping mechanism), and his god whom he used to be in love with (they're a bit of the 'two sides of the same coin' in a very metaphorical way, they can't stand each other anymore but without the other all would perish)

Blorbo: A mask hiding a mask hiding a mask hiding a mask hiding a mask. Figuratively, though if you'd cut his face open there would probably be a hole instead of a skull.

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

Maso: No. He wouldn't be unkind to it though. In the canonical universe, he and his good god broke up because (NoT quite because, more like it was what broke the camels back) maso's demon named Laplace ate sado's head and most beloved angel (laplace had. social anxiety and he wanted to be friends). Sado punished Laplace by putting him into a deep slumber / dream. and so on and so on, maso gets mad at that's almost about it. -- In An Alternative Universe, if Sado were to kill Laplace instead of sleep, Maso would be violent. He would attempt at some point to imprison his god in fits of broken revenge. Sado would say nothing during this time, and would be let go only when maso breaks down further to realize what he is doing.

Blorbo: Ok. I've never really thought about it, but a guy who looks like anyone's favorite character must have been captured at least more than once. Have you seen those One Direction wattpad fics? I didn't but I'm pretty sure one would include kidnapping. Blorbo can probablly receive some damage in slapstick senses, but I don't think he can truly get wounded. When he dies, he teleports all brand-new to another part of the world/universe/whatever. What a guy.

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Maso: If his god would get beaten up he'd be really upset. Similarly, he often gets genuinely upset at the words of his god even if sado says something anyone else would say and wouldn't be a problem. I'm blanking out on the exact specifics of how you could get him to break down completely. he has things that gets him mad but they get him mad in a passive aggressive way where he still has control over the situation. I think it really is all reliant on his god, for something like a complete breakdown. I know in a Roleplay , Maso fed his heart to someone. I dont remember why but I do remember Sado almost died due to getting beaten up (IN RP, where these guys interact with outsiders -- they're so weak compared to others. roleplay isnt really canon for their universes except some times). Uhmm has anyone ever seen him at his lowest... yes the same as the mask question, good Othello and dear Sado would be the only confidants to know. I do think Maso (and mr. Sado too in fact) would hate being in his lowest or showing real weakness.

Blorbo: I think if you would push him to have his own identity or strip him of what he is, he would break down because he is in fact nothing outside of his looks (sexyman) -- OR that is how he would feel, adding this as i think about it more. I think he would also get frustrated if the pressure rises about how he's doing. I wonder if he would glitch like a video game! maybe somehow has seen him at his lowest. He'd probably explode and revive somewhere else.

[sitpwgs]

Hi!!!! I'm so sorry I didn't reply again until now. I wanted to reply the other day but basically my ask got deleted halfway thru replying and I didn't have time again until now. I'm so glad you had a great time at the movie. It seems like you had a lot of fun and i'm glad you were able to see it again. I expected there not to be a lot of people at the last show since it was so late and it was an added show on Thursday. It did make me wanna see it again just to experience it with other people but I don't know if I will. I hope it comes to streaming so I can watch it over and over. I loved noticing new things seeing it up close. What did your friend think of the whole show? Sometimes I forget how incredible it is how Taylor created and came up with it mostly by herself..a true mastermind! I'm grateful that I was able to go to the show at least once compared to the people that didn't. It did make me nostalgic for my show but I also loved the surprise songs cuz it was like how the fans that have been there from the beginning since Our Song to now with You're On Your own Kid just made it special. Aww she really put it on and said it was her favorite!!! I knew about the cut songs beforehand but my sister didn't and it took her some time to realize any were cut. I understand some of them cuz it didn't have choreography and I guess the movie maybe felt a little long but also everything went by fast too. But that was the one that hurt the most cuz its one of my favorites. It's also the only single from the album so I couldn't believe she cut it. I love them all but my favorites are probably Speak Now and Folklore too, along with rep.

I never listened to Renee's EP cuz I was waiting until her album but I do plan to hear them together probably next week. The few songs I've heard so far I've liked though. I have to give Holly's album a few more listens as well before I know my favorites but which ones did you like the best? I also enjoyed Boygenius as well. Ya I am curious about the movie version but I'm not excited about it or anything. I don't think it would change much from the stage version, but I'm happy it's at least people kinda from Broadway. I never saw anything from Sabrina if she ever was on Broadway, cuz I can't remember..but I agree..she could've been a great Cady. I remember the stunt cast for Cameron Dallas and apparently he was so bad lol. I'm sorry you didn't get to see it on Broadway but I might see it on tour in a few months to compare it to the movie. I also heard a Waitress proshot is coming soon so I'm probably more interested in seeing that, cuz I couldn't on tour.

So one of the reasons I didn't reply to you was cuz we went to see Les Mis last night!!! We were trying to go on Wednesday but it didn't work out so I didn't wanna tell you I was seeing it if I wasn't sure I could go. But it was so amazing and probably top 5 shows I've seen. I would want to go again to have better seats and cuz there was a lot going on, on stage, that I missed. It was really funny though cuz I hadn't thought of the musical in a while but of course I still knew all of the words haha. It felt really fast paced and I wish I could've paid more attention or soaked it in more..that was kinda my first time seeing a sung through show, so it was a good thing I knew it so well lol. My favorite parts were I Dreamed a Dream, The Confrontation, Stars, and One Day More, but I really loved the flow of Act One. The barricade scenes were good too, but the set was pretty dark which made it kinda hard to see. Of course I thought of you every time they said Cosette! And I noticed it was a lot haha. Anyway I also remembered I saw Moulin Rouge on tour almost the exact same day last year which is a crazy coincidence! I only know that cuz it was around when Midnights came out..which is today and I wanna know how you feel about it when it first came out compared to now. I think it's grown on me a lot and I do love it way more now. I can't believe 1989 is only a week away! I'm so excited to hear new Taylor songs to react to..it's so fun and will be fun to see if we have the same favorites.

Wow cool..that's awesome that you met up at your show! You're so sweet to say that and I realized we have been talking back and forth for a while now. I definitely think of you as my friend! Sometimes I worry that I have nothing interesting to say but then I also worry I talk so much lol. But that's why I say you shouldn't worry about replying..but I didn't want you to feel like I forgot about you either. I really do enjoy our conversations and how we just talk about our interests since I don't really have anyone else to talk about this stuff with. It feel weird that you don't know what I look like or that I'm just online, and sometimes I feel weird about it. Books are something I'm glad we can bond over, since my sister doesn't have as much time for reading, and I'm excited to start the book soon. If we are reading the Night Circus too, it's okay cuz I can read two books at the same time but just let me know. I read the summary of those on Goodreads and it reminded me of Only Murders in the Building, even if I haven't even watched the show yet but it's on my list. If you've seen it, let me know how it is. I am not a big thriller or mystery reader but it did seem interesting so I'm glad you enjoyed them! I'm sorry if I forgot anything, but I might not be able to reply until Monday if you reply to this though..just to let you know. I hope you have a nice weekend!

hi friend!! hope you're having a good weekend 🤍 i saw something on twitter about it maybe going to prime, but i take most things i see on twitter with a grain of salt 😭 my friend really liked it — and is super excited to see her next year 🥺 i understand why a lot of them were cut (choreo, etc) but i was really bummed because i love long live and the archer and cardigan and - well, all of them. i was talking to some friends on thursday about how if we could change anything in the eras setlist in a way that wouldn't alter production too much (i.e. costume changes, choreography, speeches, giving her time to rest a bit, etc) what would we change and so i want to ask you the same question! what would you change if you could? i think i said i'd switch out i knew you were trouble with holy ground or red! i would personally also maybe switch all too well 10 for the 5 minute version, and then add our song or i'm only me when i'm with you (or both) instead, just so i could get my little debut songs in. but i do think it's pretty perfect and even the songs that i don't gravitate towards listening to regularly are SO much fun live. the rep set is SO good; we've talked about how it's not my favorite album of hers but honestly one of my favorite eras performances i think.

i think elvis impersonators, cocoon, and ghost me are in my top 3, but i'm not entirely sure yet! i can't wait to hear more of your thoughts on holly's album!! sabrina was only cady for like, two days so not a whole lot exists out there! but i really liked her take on cady. i feel like more often than not i am disappointed with stunt casting (i understand why they do it though) — speaking of stunt casts, i'm curious to see how jordan fisher does as orpheus in hadestown! i'm seeing the tour in a few weeks and i'm super excited to finally see someone who isn't reeve carney haha! and yes — waitress proshot! it was announced yesterday or the day before, i think! my friend texted me about it but i'm not sure if i'll have time to go see it in cinemas. hopefully it gets put on streaming sometime soon too!! i just remembered broadwayhd exists — there's so much on there that i haven't seen (that being said, if you've never seen daddy long legs the musical, i do recommend it because megan mcginnis' voice is beautiful and i just love her — although the actual musical content/plot is a bit questionable — and of course, she loves me and allegiance are also ones i'd recommend)! i didn't know they did a proshot of snapshots — john cardoza was in it and i really like him (i saw him in the notebook + really like what i've heard of him in moulin rouge + like what i heard of him in the snapshots cast recording) so i might give that a watch sometime! and i forgot they filmed the production of first date that sam barks was in! i was also just thinking of submissions only, which was a web series back in like 2012 and is pretty scrubbed from the internet now, unfortunately but i loved it. did you ever watch smash? now i'm feeling incredibly nostalgic!

oh my gosh did you have fun at les mis!!! i really liked the marius on tour (gregory lee rodriguez) — his marius is so earnest and so charming; i saw him in a show here in seattle a few years ago and i remember thinking he was a very likable actor so i was really excited to see him in les mis when i saw the tour in june! the barricade scenes are some of my favorites, but yes — lighting can be tricky! i've been meaning to rewatch the movie at some point as well, but it's so long and such a commitment. i was also ... doing a VERY good job of working at my les mis reread/annotations but then ... did not do that. so we'll see if i pick it back up or if i decide to push it off to next year haha. and no way! that's such a cool coincidence!

i really like midnights; i think it's a solid album — but i do find myself reaching for the 3am tracks over some of the songs on midnights proper a lot! it's interesting because my friends and i did a little ~ prediction ~ of our favorites based on names and i could not have been more wrong. i said lavender haze, anti hero, you’re on your own kid, question…? and sweet nothing were ones that stood out to me, and i do like them, don't get me wrong, but the only one i listen to A LOT is you're on your own kid. i think my top listened to midnights tracks/favorite midnights tracks are (in no particular order): yoyok, mastermind, the great war and dear reader. what about you?

you don't need to worry about not having anything interesting to say! i love chatting with you — you can literally come talk to me about anything you want! and you don't need to apologize for taking your time to reply either! and i'm happy to do whatever works for you reading schedule wise / buddy reading wise! i haven't watched OMITB but i've heard really good things and there's apparently a lot of broadway people cameos in the third season? which is fun!

hope you're having a good weekend 🤍 🤍 !!