#I'm very mentally ill ❤

[shadow0-1]

Boy dinner 😋

⚠ Please keep your self ship comments to yourself

[our-reality]

"other side of paradise is a swift song lol"

[theladyflash]

So on top of dealing with being sick from post covid symptoms in the last year, I lost my mother 8 months ago after being her caregiver for a longtime. Even though she was sick mentally, physically including parkinsons for a while, the way we lost her was really awful and kind of traumatising. There's a lot to unpack with therapy but I'm trying to work through it every day. I'm trying to find small ways to keep her with me and embrace some of the things she loved. One of the things she really, really loved was the show Criminal Minds. She watched every single episode and would pretty much reiterate ever one to me (it was kind of annoying sometimes to be honest lol). Especially her love for the character Spencer Reid and his storyline with his mother. I know almost everything about his characters back story despite never ever watching it. She use to try to get me to watch it with her constantly, but I was either busy or watching something else. Even though I know I shouldn't feel guilty because I did spend a lot of time with her every day and being a parents caregiver is a very tough thing. A big part of my life was basically being a mother to my own mother. Which is a heavy thing on your heart, soul even when no one is to blame. I don't miss my ill mother, she wasn't easy because living with serious illness sometimes changes a person. I do miss my mother, my real mother who was beautiful, funny and so smart every day. And even the things she loved. So a week or so ago I started binging the show so maybe I could find out why she loved it. I'm on the tail end of season 3 and really enjoying it. I'm sorry I never got to enjoy it with her, I know she would have loved discussing each episode during commercials. And fine, mom my neurodivergent butt likes Reid too ok?

❤❤❤❤❤

[suzukiblu]

Hello all, I am honestly not even sure how long it's been since I've really talked to anyone online and I'm very sorry for just straight-up ghosting so many of you, but I'm trying to work on resuming my life and reconnecting with people a bit and especially trying to start picking up all of the commitments I've let myself drop in the past year or two.

Full disclosure, I've been having a bad time mentally for quite a while and just haven't been available to anyone in my life, online or off. I'm really sorry to have stressed people out with that because I know I did worry a few of you. I'm just not all here, to be honest, and I haven't handled it well. I'm having some personal struggles and just not doing my best taking care of the resulting issues--it's not anything trauma-based/triggered, it's more along the lines of problems with in-built psychological issues stemming from chemical imbalances that I just don't always manage as effectively as I could. But I'm not physically ill and haven't been in an accident or anything like that, and I'm trying to re-engage with life now. Catching up with people I owe communication/commissions/explanations to is on my list, but I just haven't managed to make it very far into said list yet. I am, however, physically healthy and in stable housing, and if anything emergency-adjacent happens I do have local friends and non-local family members I could get help from, so I'm not in an "immediate crisis" situation.

I'm just also unemployed, out of money, and scraping by on food stamps and state-issued healthcare that doesn't cover my previous psychiatrist, and I haven't been able to find a new one in-network who's taking patients and actually, like . . . calls me back when I leave a message or email them in interest of making an appointment. I'm signed up with a program that can help me get a job, hopefully, but the process is taking a little while and I'm not sure how long it'll take in the end, so the future is very nebulous at the moment.

And like . . . VERY full disclosure, I'm just very depressed and stuck being off my meds for the forseeable future. My room is a mess I can't bring myself to clean up, I feel like I can't engage meaningfully with a lot of things, I don't feel hopeful or optimistic at all, my emotional responses are all heavily muted, my coping mechanisms are avoiding breakdowns but are not long-term helpful or productive, and I'm neglecting a lot of people and things in my life and my own best interests because I just . . . don't care.

I know my situation and my feelings are largely just because I'm going through a major depressive phase unmedicated and with limited personal resources, it's not an end of the world scenario or anything. It's just been difficult and upsetting trying to find ways and motivation to fix my life and get out of that phase when I'm already feeling sunk in a quagmire and like I did all this to myself with my own mistakes, and I'm just trying to take things one step at a time and build back up from where I'm at.

So long story short: I'm not doing great right now but I'm stable, and I greatly appreciate the concern and grace I've been given while being just entirely off radar and am going to be doing my best to make right or make up for the neglect. If anyone wants or needs to check in on anything I owe them, please feel free to message me and ask; I'll be trying to contact everyone I owe anything to but given the brain-fog I've been dealing with I don't trust myself not to miss anybody in there, so believe me, if you feel the need I will in no way be offended and you'd probably be doing me a favor anyway.

Thank you all, you've all been so good to me over the years. I'll hopefully be in touch soon. ❤

[anniflamma]

Hello! I adore your Epic animations. Your ruthlessness animation literally brought me into fandom!

I've stumbled upon your beloved king animations, and as a non religious person I have some questions, if you don't mind answering.

Is Saul in love with David? Lyrics imply it, but I'm not sure.

And why did Saul off himself?

Your animations are top tier❤❤❤❤❤

Ah, thank you! 💛 It's so fun to know that my work introduce people to Epic and heck… even Beloved King!

So a lot of stuff is going on with Saul. Buckle up, this is going to be long! (I think)

Is Saul in love with David? Yes and no! In the musical, Saul lusts after David because he is desperate for control, which then manifests in his inappropriate behavior. I would say that Saul doesn't really love David, but he wants him for himself.

That part of the musical is based on the discourse surrounding David and Saul's relationship as possibly a pederastic relationship (before David became the giant slayer). One of the main arguments is the altercation between Jonathan and Saul (which is the song "Shame" is based on). In the Bible, Saul accuses Jonathan of having an improper relationship with David, causing Jonathan to shame his mother for witnessing her nakedness. "Witness someone's nakedness" is a euphemism, which means it's the aftermath of a sexual act. And that it can pass to other partners. So for example, you are not allowed to be intimate with someone who has been with a family member of yours, because doing so will "witness that person's nakedness" as well. So if we take Saul's words literally, that means that Jonathan must have had a sexual relationship with David, which then David had a relationship with Saul for that accusation to make sense. Then again, there are other people who say that Saul is just crazy, says insane stuff, and we should not take his words seriously. 😅

And why did Saul off himself? (trigger warning)

This one is also a can of worms. When God abandons Saul, he sends "evil spirits" to torment the king. This is possibly a representation that someone suffering from mental illnesses, perhaps depression or schizophrenia. I don't want to add any labels, but we do know that in the Bible, Saul becomes very suicidal and exhibits behavior indicative of deep depression. He never leaves his room, doesn't want to leave his bed, and stops eating. He recovers when David comes into the picture and helps him. But alas, Saul then becomes paranoid, and drama ensues.

His suicide wasn't viewed as something weak, but instead, something courageous. He ended his life because he didn't want to be captured by the enemies on the battlefield. But we, the readers, and Saul too, know that he has lost EVERYTHING. His sons are dead, he has lost his entire army, God has abandoned him, and Samuel, his father figure, even after death in the form of a ghost, has disowned him. He has chased away David. Even before the last battle, he fell into his depressive state again, and the only one showing some form of compassion was the witch of Endor, who gave him food before he left for battle.

Saul is a very complicated man! Very sympathetic, but he has done some horrible stuff. Like mass murdering... 😬 I think that the Beloved King musical makes a very good depiction of Saul. At least with the songs we have now.

[klutzyroses]

Hi! This is my first time requesting so I'm a bit nervous, I wanted to as of you could do mc who has mommy issues, like her mom mentally abused her, I'm sorry if this is too much too ask you can ignore it if you want(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

P. S I have been a fan of your work lately and have been stalking your account for any new updates lol but keep up the good work your an amazing writer (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Ah, it's people like you who keep me writing, anon! Thank you!💖💖❤❤

IkeVamp HCs: Abused S/O

How do they handle an s/o who has been abused by her mother?

Suitors: Napoleon, Vincent, Isaac, Dazai

Warnings: Mentions of emotional and mental abuse, parental neglect

Napoleon

The former emperor was never one to pry directly into people's affairs unless they were willing to tell him and that went for his nunuche as well.

However he couldn't help but notice a sudden shift in her behavior one day when she started acting a little different.

Any criticism, teasing or any scolding she received, she took especially hard. Harder than she normally would actually.

When Sebastian had lightly scolded her over a mistake she made while Napoleon was present, one would think he had driven a knife in her heart. He hadn't said anything out of the ordinary or anything particularly cruel, but the darling looked so crushed that both men were taken aback, especially when she hurriedly excused herself and ran out the room, near tears.

Was it even a question that Napoleon went after her almost immediately?

He really didn't take long to find his belle at the gazebo on the bench, her trembling form obvious from miles away. He wasted no time going up to her and pulling her into a warm embrace.

He will wait until she is calm enough to open up.

His grip tightens around her just a little, to keep himself from shaking with anger when he hears all about her cold and abusive mother, how she berated her daughter for every mistake she did and made her feel like nothing she did was good enough.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he let's her cry on his shoulder, running his hand up and down her back.

"It's okay, don't cry, mon ange, I'll protect you, and your heart from now on. So don't cry, okay...?"

He is a man of his word and he had yet to break any of the promises he made to the woman he loves.

Vincent

He had been awoken by whimpering next to him to see his sunflower crying in her sleep. Her beautiful face was wet with droplets of sorrow and distress as her soft lips mumbled apologies to someone, and promises to do better.

Worried, he gently woke her from her nightmare, unable to stand her tears for long.

If there is anyone who can understand the pain of being unloved by a parent, it's Vincent. So when she opens up that her nightmare was about her mother, her very vulgar and ill-tempered matriarch who made her life nothing short of a misery.

Vincent tenses as he listens to his beloved weep her sorrows onto his chest, his heart tightening.

With anger? Sadness? Sympathy? All three?

He couldn't be sure, but it was not a pleasant feeling. He could definitely relate to what she was feeling and it was only because of the sunflower in his arms that he could ever rise above it. And he would do the same for her.

He raises her face, holding the pretty visage in his hands as he kisses each tear away with such heart-rending tenderness, that the woman's sobs died down to quiet whimpers which are briefly cut off by a peck to the lips.

"Shh, it's going to be okay, scatje. I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

He would spend as long as he needs to shower her with the adoration she deserves. Until those woeful tears turn to the brightest of smiles.

Isaac

The physicist can very vaguely relate to having an emotionally distant mother, but to be treated in such a way? That was cruel.

He can't help but feel terrible for his darling when she opens up about how unkind her own mother had been to her and how it impacted her from early childhood.

He suddenly wishes he hadn't asked about her family. It had only been a casual question, that led to the poor dear to tear up.

He couldn't understand how anyone could hurt such a sweetheart?

If her mother was so cruel, how did she bring such an angel into the world?

Questions he could debate later but right now, his love needed to be comforted.

He tenderly takes the tearful maiden in his arms, tentatively as to not alarm or frighten her, tucking her close to his heart that aches at the sight of her tears.

The awkward physicist may not be as silver-tongued as the blasted authors that tease him on a daily basis, but he would be damned of he couldn't pour every ounce of love inside his heart into the fragile beauty in his arms.

"Please don't be upset...I can't stand to see you cry. I...love you too much."

He tries, he really does. He just wants to see that beautiful smile and nothing else.

Dazai

His heart aches, more so than usual when he finds his beloved Y/N in tears one evening. She was cooped up in the library, all by herself in just her nightgown, staring far off into nothingness with just a handkerchief to wipe her never ending tears and the many books to keep her company.

He found himself moving towards her before he could stop himself and seating himself beside her before taking her in his arms, earning a startled gasp from the distraught maiden.

He doesn't push her to tell him what's wrong but he doesn't plan on letting her go until she is better. It's then that he finds out about her experience dealing with her cruel and negligent mother.

How she called her names, how she blamed Y/N for everything wrong in her life, how she always insulted her in every possible way...

As she weeps through her tale, she is pressed to her lover's chest, so she couldn't possibly see the tension in his expression. But if she looked up, she'd see his lips pressed into a flat line and his golden eyes narrowed ever so slightly as they gleamed with the almost imperceptible flicker of anger.

He doesn't speak until she is finished and he only holds her tighter, cradling her as her body wracks with sobs as he whispers sweet words of comfort into her ear. He wants to let her know that none of those cruel insults were true. That she was a wonderful person and she meant the sun and moon to him.

"You're adorable, even when you cry but please, dry your tears my love, I'd much rather see you smile. If you don't smile, I'll just have to make you, won't I?"

He may not be able to make her happy, but her smile is his peace and she is his joy. He'd tell her he loves her as many times as she needs to hear it. The man is good with words.

🌸

[milfhandholder]

Bringing back Black Butler actor AU by writing a bunch of headcanons for it

Sebastian has a dog, yes. He loves it very much, a big fat bulldog that WILL run at you to show you love

The children do homeworks on set so an adult can help them LMAO (don't ask Will though he hated that shit)

Not Sieglinde though, she's homeschooled!! Sucks to sucks, it's not easy being rich 😩😩

Grell and Sebastian are childhood best friends. Sebastian's the one who scored her the role because he "works well with his bestie"

Grell: I genuinely thought I was just going to play a cute butler who's going to have this big gender identity revelation but turns out my best friend just thinks I'm a psychopath so that's nice to hear

Ron originally was a make-up staff who did stand-in for script readings but then the director was like "you're the perfect amount of British"

William genuinely adores Grell because she's been in the industry longer and also she's hot as hell

Madam plays extras after her death scene

Madam: I was just too hot to be alive </3

This is Lizzie's first role and for her great work, she was allowed to bring home 3 dresses of her liking

Had it been their way, Redcliff would've had more screentime and deeper relationships but ig ppl aren't ready for that

The one who breaks character the most is Ciel and the one who does it the least is surprisingly Finnian

Finnian is more known for darker and more serious depictions of teens so when he got casted, everyone was like "we're about to witness mental illness y'all"

Ran Mao is very talkative outside of her screen time. Girlie would infodump about her favorite thing that month to everyone

Mey Rin's a Chinese diaspora and so Lau takes her to 'reconnecting with your roots' trip at least twice a month

Ran Mao's a streamer and it's just her yelling "A FUCKING MONA 💀💀💀"

Lau is actually younger than Sebastian, Madam and Grell so when he first started, he called everyone with honorifics because this is his first non-chinese film and wow you white people really do go call everyone by their names even if they're older

Yes, this is an excuse for him to call Grell "Grell jiejie" and I just think that's cute and I love it. As a Chinese who can't speak Mandarin for shit, I want to call her jiejie LEAVE ME BE

Sieglinde has a very thick German accent that slips sometimes and whenever that happens, she and Ciel starts laughing

Sienglinde: it's not my fault you british have weird as hell accents

Ciel, a british: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Lizzie brings all the young sapphic watchers bcs y'all,,,my girl is not straight at all and if she is, it's written in the most cursive shit ever

Sebastian on Grell's Instagram comments: SO TRUE QUEEN, MY WIFE, MY LOVE, PLEASE MARRY ME ❤

Grell replying back: lol no you're ugly /j

Grell is unfortunately a brunette irl rip to her roasting her own hair

The ones who are the least like their characters: Ciel (dude he's like 13), William (very sweet and soft-spoken, hates confrontation)

The ones who are literally their characters: Lau (he doesn't have a script, that's just him), Lizzie

Sebastian did actually accidentally stepped on Grell's face. He felt so bad that he kneeled to the floor and basically gave her an apology poem while she's just >:( that she has to redo her makeup

Mey Rin is blind as shit irl, she's just like me fr

Mey Rin: I wished I could see really far instead but no, I can't even see past my own nose

Ran Mao followed Lau's footsteps and calls (only) Grell "jiejie" because she likes her the best LMAO. The highest honor from Ran Mao is if she calls you with a Chinese honorofic, unless if you're Lau in which case she feels obligated to call him 'Lau gege'

Ciel is absolutely in awe with Sebastian's acting skills, he's all starry-eyed like "TEACH ME PLS"

Sebastian could only dance thanks to his theater kid days with Grell

I firmly believe that Sienglinde would love kpop and Hatsune Miku

Finnian has a RBF when he doesn't realize it, it scared Ciel shitless the first time

[frannyzooey]

I just wanted to say, I'm so glad you included Jackson a couple of chapters ago. Ever since she became pregnant I've been low key worrying about their child living alone in the woods when Joel and reader eventually die (of very old age in comfortable beds)!

❤ I am glad you are liking it!

There are a lot of things that are not ideal about their situation: total isolation is fine and well in terms of your chances of survival, but it's not good for: your mental state, your limited source of supplies, your non existent access to medicine, etc.

The thing about Jackson (that I am not sure I explicitly touched on in the earlier chapters) is that they don't know what Jackson is. They have the map, they know someone was headed to it, they know it's (possibly) off the grid BUT they don't know if it still exists like that, what the conditions are inside of it, if it would actually be more dangerous to chance the journey there only to find out it's way worse than a QZ or completely gone....we, as readers, know what Jackson is, but they have no idea.

The idea that something would happen to either one of them though and the baby would be left by itself, or that something would happen to the baby in terms of illness and they would be helpless....those are very real worries that they have to think about when weighing their options, and it's a tough decision!

I can't wait to share the rest with you ❤

[destinyc1020]

The Anon that gave the summary reminded me of something.. back then when antis shipped Sophia with Tom even though there was literally nothing to ship, they didn’t mind that she lives in LA. But they do when it comes to Z? So location and London is not a problem when it’s another girl as Long as it’s not Z.

Anyone who doesn't see the hypocrisy of antis by now is living under a rock rofl 🤣

The crazy thing about them is (and this is how I know it's mental illness 😏) their goal posts KEEP on moving! 😂

First, they gaslit us for YEARS saying that Tom and Z were "just friends" even though ample evidence showed that they were (at the very LEAST) FWBs lol.

Then, when pics of them actually KISSING in a car came out, then the goal post moved yet AGAIN and they tried to claim that it was just "PR", or them "playing a 'joke' on the paparazzi" 🙄 (as if famous co-stars of a major film franchise just go around playing "jokes" on ppl by kissing each other randomly in public when they know they're being photographed 🙄😅).

Then, when that didn't work, and they had evidence of them going on dates, going on several baecations together, attending WEDDINGS together, and it's been 2 YEARS since the "pap photo" and they have absolutely NOTHING to "promote" right now, NOW their goalposts have moved yet AGAIN!!

Now, the claim is.... "They're not that serious". 🙄🙄

Chiiiiile... A couple who's been in a rlshp with each other for over 5 years isn't "that serious"?

Yea.... okay... 🙄

Girl, just ignore these FOOLS. They are clowns, plain and simple. 🤡 🤡 When you have to keep on moving the goalposts ALL the time, you know you're just WRONG lol. Cuz if you were RIGHT, you wouldn't have to keep changing your tune lol 😆

They don't really care about London. They're what I call ABZ'ers. Anyone But Zendaya. They come in the form of shipping Tom with Nadia, Spider Emoji Girl (🤭), Sophia Ali, Florence Pugh, or any random girl walking down the street in London rofl 🤣

There are ABT'ers out there as well, but I seem to see waaay more ABZ'ers in my inbox than the reverse. 🤷🏾‍♀️ IJS....

The ABT'ers come in the form of Timdayas, HunterDayas, or even JohnDayas.

I'm not even gonna mention the Valdayas🙄, cuz they're a non-factor, and anyone who even shipped them together at all needs help imo. Zendaya was just 16 years old. Not even a LEGAL adult!!! 🥴 You seriously think her father was gonna allow her to date some man 10 years her SENIOR when she was just 16?? 🥴

Plus, it was obvious she was dating Trevor at the time (he was even coming to her rehearsals). 🙄

Anyway, just don't even pay those weirdos any mind lol.

Let them continue to live in their delusions for all I care lol. 😂

Meanwhile, Tom and Zendaya (who just celebrated vday together) are THRIVING together, and life is GOOD. 🥰❤💅🏾😌

Tom actually left to see his WOMAN for vday. Even though his brothers have their birthday on Valentines Day. THAT right there should tell you smthg.

He may have traveled with the boys to get away as a little celebration for them.

So you CAN do both. You can have a serious gf, AND still make time for family life. Imagine that !! 😂

[themsource]

Hi! I'm new to fandom and I am going around asking different creators if they have any advice for me if that's okay

First off congrats, that's really awesome that you've discovered a passion for something enough to engage in the fandom space! ❤ I hope you have a wonderful experience in whatever fandom you're joining ^^ (If it's UT—YAY! XD lol)

Anywho, sure I can give some. But uh, it'll be derived from what I've experienced and won't be pretty. There's nothing guaranteeing you'll experience it at all as I have but still it has some stuff I wish I'd been told before getting heavily involved and learning stuff the hard way.

Placing it below a cut so people can easily avoid reading if they wish.

Be careful who you interact with. (People that frequently bad mouth others—make callout posts with no hard evidence.) And don't take someone's word on a person's character as truth.

You could become a victim of callout posts/drama no matter if you've spoken to the person or not. If it's someone you've been talking to a while or have only been kind to in interactions. Unfortunately people can be quick to jump on anything that has the slightest possibility of being taken negatively and spin it that way even if there's no ill intent or maliciousness behind it. Or they can paint you as negative just because.

You will face labels such as "Problematic" or "Toxic" to name a few, and once you get associated with those you'll see that a large portion of a fandom can and will blacklist you over it for their own mental safety, and/or to avoid potential drama you carry with you by probable association (such as "my idol creator hates you so I will too so they don't dislike me." or "I heard from someone that you think people that like this shipxship are stupid, and I like that ship so no bueno." Etc.)

Things I've said that people have called me "problematic" to my face for over the years:

"It's entitled and selfish for a following/fan base to get upset because the creator wants to explore a new genre the fanbase isn't comfortable with or used to, especially when they've labeled and warned so it can be avoided. Those aren't real fans or supporters."

"I ship Frans."

"The content you make doesn't matter when it comes to fiction. It's not real and neither are the characters. It's dumb if someone judges you over it."

"I don't believe hearsay without proof." (Twitter drama for example about someone)

"Denying where an idea comes from just so you can feel valid and good about yourself is wrong, especially if you're wrong in what you thought you knew and just don't want to admit it."

"I just wanted to be a Hufflepuff."

"I love pinapple on pizza."

"He said, she said, is a political debate. Because all it is is throwing words and accusations around without any evidence to back it."

"Chara is evil."

"Fluff is nice but sometimes you just need really dark unhinged stuff to balance it out otherwise it'll get bland."

"You can like content and not like the creator. And vice versa. I will always separate the art from the artist."

"I don't believe in the term 'problematic' when it comes to fiction."

"Toriel was just as much in the wrong as Asgore was."

There's probably more but these are the ones I was made aware of.

Other labels that have been pushed on me because of what was said above that fall under "problematic": P*do, Weirdo, Freak, R*p Apologist, Transp*be, and Exclusionist just to name a few.

Though none of those labels remotely align with my personal views and stances. It won't matter to a lot of people though if you've been "warned" for with those labels used. This world currently is very "Guilty until proven innocent" instead of "Innocent until proven guilty." Which means it'll be very hard or impossible to change someone's mind especially if they were "warned" by a friend.

You'll also find a lot of people will isolate and detach from you if you disagree on something such as how you view a certain creator or their work, so a lot of the time people will keep their mouth shut just to fit in or to not experience rejection, or will go so far as to say things they don't mean to appear as if agreeing. This is called an "echo chamber" and if you don't fit it, you'll likely get booted. Be prepared for people to maybe DM saying they agree with you, but ultimately not speaking up for fear of backlash for themselves. If someone does speak up? Cool! That's an awesome person and you are lucky to have found them.

So am I problematic given the examples above? To some maybe, others no, some definitely yes, and everyone has the risk of being viewed that way too. Thankfully just like most things in this world though, online you'll find not everyone will share the same viewpoint or opinion. You will undoubtably find at least one person that won't care how others label you.

I have a really small, really closed, friend group. There are six people I know for sure are lifelong friends that I've made through fandom. They took the time to get to know me, listened to my views even if they disagreed and did so amicably (as I've done too), and if there was an issue always talked to me about it. Six may not seem like much but you'll find a smaller number of people who truly understand you vs a crowd that you have to say the "right thing" or make the "right content" for is so much more fulfilling.

The golden rule is something I try to live by: "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

And the best way to determine that is through interaction. If they reciprocate the golden rule that is a positive indicator that they might be safe to interact and eventually open up to. It's best to decide for yourself what a person's character is like and if they're safe rather than having others decide for you by word of mouth, including the very person themselves because you'll find a lot of people in fandom tend to have terrible self confidence.

Unless there's hard proof like an admittance or gloat that someone can provide, then oh boy—the block button is a friend.

Personally, I've learned it's best to just post your stuff, give someone a like or reblog here and there, and answer any legit asks if they're received to try avoiding unnecessary conflict. But that's just me.

Don't get involved in "picking sides". (You're with us or against us nonsense)

This is a quick way to get you avoided and blacklisted because you'll either disturb someone's echo chamber or you'll be seen as a drama mama when people are here for content and fun, not the latest issue or gossip going on.

The world isn't black and white, and that includes the issues and viewpoints in it. It's shades of grey. By viewing it as black and white you leave no room for nuance, and people that use the "with us or against us" arguments so vocally expect 100% percent compliance or none. You're not allowed to agree on one thing pertaining to a topic but disagree on another thing on the same topic because then "you're adding to the problem".

Now this isn't to scare you into thinking that you can't trust someone you want to be friends with by opening up to them with your opinions. No, please do, that's how friendships are made, but if you feel like there is the slightest risk they'll drop you like a sack of potatoes then you probably shouldn't. It's 50/50 gamble sometimes. And if they do well they weren't your friend to begin with and you're better off without them. Bizarrely some in the "with us" camp believe having you around with a viewpoint they can't stand will somehow influence them in a way they don't want. Which is honestly just ridiculous to me because that eliminates the principle of free thought and will.

So I advise just enjoying the content you see and making it yourself if that's what you want to do. Don't turn yourself into an advertisement board for free harassment from those who actively want to pick a fight and make you look like a bad person somehow on top of it. Some get joy out of just destroying people.

Ignore the trolls

Every fandom has trolls. People who like to give shit and bully just for fun (for them) aka harassment. This can include "kys" messages or other negative things in your inbox from anons, comments on your post bashing a ship though it was clearly marked so it could be avoided, etc. These come in all ages and demographics, from minors and yes even from grown ass adults in their 40s and up. Sadly trolls can't be avoided no matter how popular you are or how wholesome the stuff you engage with is. You could be a mute virgin nun and still be attacked for something.

The only thing you can do is ignore them. If they get bad, really bad like do doxing (the exposure of your real identity), report them. They've been around since even before the invention of the internet and will be around even after.

Don't take being blocked or muted personally.

Some just block or mute to avoid content they don't like, and with how algorithms work on certain websites just you liking something without reblogging or sharing can make it show up on their feed, especially if you share mutuals or are gaining traction in a tag or whatever. This doesn't mean they dislike you personally.

And if you find someone does block or mute you over a comment you made recently or what have you, still don't get hung up over it. Chances are you probably wouldn't have a very productive conversation in the first place. Unless it's a case of misunderstanding since online text boxes can be too limited to get your meaning across, then I rec either reaching out a quick message via an alt to clear it if you truly care enough about the person.

But don't ever try to not be yourself just to please someone. If after talking they still want nothing to do with you based on differences in views, drop it. It'd just stress you out in the long run to linger over it.

And if you make an honest mistake, sometimes people will hold that against you, but it's best to just let that go too, because not everyone will hold that against you, and given time a few will get over it and even see where you were coming from after the anger dies down. Mistakes happen and they will happen. You can't hold that against yourself. Tagging can be confusing, the wrong word could be used when describing something, etc.

Just stay calm, take a deep breath, and compose yourself before you react. It's a mistake, not the end of the world. Let people block that need to block, don't take it personally because odds are they're hurt just like you are, apologize where you can, and just try to do better.

In the great words of The All-American Rejects, move along.

Don't do DNIs if you can help it (Do Not Interact lists)

I don't recommend having DNIs, I see it as a bar to what could otherwise be a good friendship so long as you simply tell them your boundaries.

DNIs can be taken as a red flag by some that if you see anyone that fits the labels you choose for your list that you automatically see them as a bad person, regardless of nuances or discussion, and that you'll likely target them for harassment if you come across them in a mutual's post or share a space for a community event. Obviously this is for the mundane labels, I've seen people list "Apple Lovers" (yes the fruit), and Vegetarians, to name a few.

I'm not saying that people who use DNIs will harass, just that I've seen it happen and have been targeted over it too as have others.

Seriously harassment can and will happen from anywhere, it's the internet, better prepared than not though.

But if you really feel you need one to feel safe. Please make sure you research the true meanings and definitions behind the labels you select. Otherwise people will stare out of confusion, or block you over more misunderstandings.

Have fun

Create and curate, for you.

Make the type of stuff you want to make or engage with without fear of judgement. Be shameless in what you enjoy because that's the only true way you'll enjoy being in a fandom. People will judge you anyways, no matter what, so don't get hung up on it.

Out of my friends there's some that absolutely loathe some of the content and ships I enjoy, so they don't follow my socials to avoid that content, but they still encourage me to be happy and to keep "doing me" with what I write or draw, because they know my character isn't reflected in my consumption. And the right people will see that with you, and encourage you if you're honest and happy with yourself even if they may disagree with it or not.

This is the most important bit of advice I want to give. Given the other stuff I know it may seem overwhelming but trust me it really is worth it in the end once you find a rhythm, and pretty soon after enough time you'll find yourself roiling your eyes over the other stuff when you've reached a place of comfort and contentment. Because once you have that none of the other stuff matters. Ultimately that's what every decent person strives for in a fandom. It may be easy or it may be difficult to reach but it's possible.

No one can hurt you when you're having fun and you're happy with yourself. Words will roll off like water on plastic after a point and trolls/bullies will largely disappear if they realize their name calling and words can't hurt you or sow doubt.

You also won't feel as lonely if you don't receive interaction on something once in a while because you'll still feel the joy from having made it. That's another thing, don't join a fandom just for attention and validation from others. That's the number one way to find disappointment and to end up dropping from a fandom in the end other than simply losing your hyper fixation after a while.

With that I wish you luck! Sorry if this was long winded ^^ and please don't take this as a be all end all guide, this is all just personal opinion and interpretation meant to help. (I also am terrible at discussing my thoughts cohesively and accurately so I apologize if anything is confusing.)

I hope you live your best fandom life, I'm rooting for you. ❤

[thschei]

Well. I had a post typed up about my cat and then the tumblr app crashed and I lost everything I typed. So I'm going to try to retype it all and I'm not gonna be cranky about it ❤

I'm putting a read-more bc it'll get long and be more of a stream of conscious/disorganized ramble and discuss animal death/injuries, alcoholism, and familial abuse, so please don't feel like you need to read it, I'm just getting my thoughts out.

Hurhghughhghugh . yeah that's how I feel send post

No um let's see. I usually try to be more organized with these posts but I started writing this at 6 in the morning and my back really hurts, so sorry if it's disjointed and has any typos.

First of all, I debated making this joke but it's my grief and mental illness, so

Every time I try a new antidepressant something bad happens, and I felt especially wary because something bad also happens every birthday too. But I was out of refills, wanted to try something else, couldn't get in until Dec 27th, & felt silly putting it off for a superstition I don't fully believe in. All that said, when I got home and took my first lexapro at almost 5 in the morning, I hoped that it would make these next few weeks easier.

Anyway, it was around 11:30pm, and I wanted to go to bed but I was trying to stay up to spend more time with my pets. My 🅱ack still really hurts from petsitting, so I was on the heating pad with my glasses off.

My mom called for me using my name, not a nickname, which she only does when she's in pain or distressed. It took me a minute to find my glasses, so she called again, and that got my brother's attention bc again, hearing "Erin" = something's wrong.

I don't remember what she said, probably that there was something wrong with Buttercup. I followed her and immediately saw he had a bloody gash on his eye. When he saw my brother and I he started meowing and tried to walk, but his legs buckled. My brother scooped him up and took him into the bathroom to see where he was hurt. I noticed blood on his tail and on 3 of his legs, but couldn't see where he was bleeding from.

There's really not enough room in our bathroom for 3 people and a big cat, so my mom started calling emergency vets while I got the cat carrier ready with a clean towel.

My brother wanted to grab gloves as a precaution before putting Buttercup in the carrier in case he got defensive and asked me to watch him while he left. I sat down next to him and he meowed to me, panting, and pressed his head into my leg for comfort. I petted his head and told him it'd be okay. I didn't think it was going to be okay.

I changed into a warmer shirt and brushed my hair, my brother and I took turns using the bathroom. We each grabbed a water bottle and headed out.

My brother knows my 🅱ack hurts, so he asked if I was sure about holding the cat carrier the whole time. I really didn't think we would be bringing Buttercup home, so I said yes. I didn't want the jostling of the car to scare and hurt him more than necessary, especially after he was seeking comfort in the bathroom. My brother could, um, drive fast, and I could hold the carrier as still as possible and stick my fingers in the gaps of the bars. He would be scared and in pain, but cats are smart; he would be able to understand he was being cared for.

The entire car ride, he cried frantically and pushed his head into my hand through the cage. I meowed to him and told him it was okay and I was sorry he was in pain. The closest emergency vet was an hour away and we had to stop for gas. My 🅱ack was definitely aching but I think it was worth it.

We got there and everyone was very nice and attentive and quick. They called Buttercup handsome and quickly gave him a painkiller. After 10 minutes he was still hyperventilating and they were concerned about his oxygen intake, so they took him into a little transparent cubby they could filter oxygen into. At one point I heard a tech mutter that his oxygen stat couldn't be "that"; he'd be in a coma if it was. He took the reading again and said that it made more sense. I can't really know for sure this is the case, but I know from experience both with my mom's time in healthcare and previous pets that animals can hold onto survival out of sheer will and stubbornness no matter how impossible it seems.

It was difficult to watch him struggle to breathe. I could tell he was still meowing for us. I wanted to ask them to give him another dose or possibly just sedate him, but I knew that it would suppress his respiratory system further (hospice babey), so I tried to just bear watching him suffer without being able to comfort him.

An hour later they gave him another dose and quickly did an ultrasound and xrays. They explained the respiratory system thing I just mentioned and that that was why they were hesitant to give him more, but they did give him another dose soon after that because he was still so agitated. After a few minutes we noticed that his breathing stopped. They started CPR and I wanted to ask them to stop, but my brother had gone to the bathroom and I didn't want to exclude him from the decision. He got back, we made eye contact, and we both asked them to stop doing CPR. It had been 8 minutes.

They told us they were really sorry for our loss and explained what the xrays and ultrasound revealed. He had no fractured bones, but there was a hernia in his chest, his heart had moved away from the surface of his chest cavity, and either his lungs or diaphragm were punctured because there was a lot of air in his chest, causing pressure/pain in the chest and difficulty breathing.

They didn't really need to come out and say it: even if his heart hadn't stopped, the internal damage was so severe that there wouldn't have been anything they could do to save him. We knew that was most likely the case even before the tests, we just couldn't let him suffer and die at home in that much pain.

Because of the gash on his eye and the punctured organs, they thought it was more likely to be a big bird that picked him up and dropped him when he started struggling than a car impact.

They wrapped him in a red blanket and took us to a private room where we could say goodbye. I held him, kissed his head, held his paws, and cried with my brother. We called our mom to tell her and she cried with us. She told us that my dad's sister offered to pay the bill, and I wanted to say that she (my aunt) could go to hell, but we really aren't in the financial position to refuse. So I didn't say anything ❤ And she texted my aunt's payment info to my brother.

I don't want to fully get into our relationship with her but as of writing this, my dad's sister is already emotionally blackmailing us. And that's the least abusive behavior from the people in my family I don't speak with anymore ❤

Anyway

I tried to process and piece together what all the test results meant. He was most likely picked up by a big bird and then dropped from a pretty decent height, causing severe pain and internal damage. Either he was dropped in our yard and didn't have to go far, or he was dropped far away and managed to hop the fence to get back into the yard despite his injuries. Once there, he cried for help and comfort from his trusted humans. Despite the pain and lack of oxygen most likely making him delirious, he didn't get defensive at all, completely trusting us. He didn't even hiss.

Cats are notorious for finding a quiet place to hide when they're injured, especially if the injuries are lethal. None of my cats have ever done that; a testament to the mutual love and trust we're able to build with them.

We spent a little more time with him and then made the cremation arrangements and payment. We almost forgot the cat carrier in our... state. It was late and we'd been crying a lot.

When we got home we all tried to make lighthearted conversation, but ended up all crying anyway. My mom apologized and said she knew he was "my" cat, but she still loved him a lot. I told her she didn't need to be sorry and that I was glad that he was loved by all of us.

We got Buttercup for my 21st birthday.

Alcoholism and abuse is prevalent in my family, to put it lightly, and people kept pressuring me to go out and drink for my birthday. I didn't want to have to share my childhood trauma to get people to leave me alone about drinking. I was, like, possessed with terror that I'd try one drink and then either spend the rest of my life burning for alcohol, or give in and become one of the monsters in the family. My brother could tell this was really weighing on me and suggested we adopt a cat for my birthday. In 2017 our 24 year old cat died, and in 2018 our 21 year old cat died, so I was still grieving them and we had the room. He said he'd never seen my eyes light up so quickly as when he made the suggestion. I think what he left unsaid was he didn't realize that all it would take to make me look less haunted would be to suggest taking in a new cat.

It sounds cheesy, but I think to me, taking in a new pet for my 21st birthday was a physical reminder that I wasn't doomed to repeat the same cycle found in my family. My future was mine to decide, and I could make it one where I put love and kindness into the universe. Being 21 didn't have to mean living in fear of hurting children the way I was hurt.

I had every intention of walking into the shelter and taking home the oldest cat there. But I saw Buttercup and just felt a connection. He was around 12 weeks old and the cutest creamy orange color. His ears and paws were too big for the rest of his body. He looked lonely and scared. I circled the shelter multiple times until both my brother and one of the staff gently said it was okay if I wanted to take a kitten home.

My brother's more of a dog person, but when we got Buttercup, he started really trying to research and understand cats, and I could see it in his eyes how happy he was that Buttercup saw him as a paternal figure and not just me. He was worried about Buttercup being too young to eat real cat food, he wanted to help potty train him. He started carrying Buttercup around on his shoulder and showing him parts of the house he was curious about. I had a migraine the day Buttercup was scheduled to be spayed and my brother said he could do it on his own. He spent the whole day checking in on him and nervously asked me if this or that was normal, when his appetite would return, when the anesthesia would wear off.

This was a turning point for my brother. Usually every time we took in a new cat, I was the one socializing them and helping them adjust to the house. This enthusiasm and love for Buttercup made my brother start putting in effort to bond with all our cats too. It was really sweet to watch unfold.

When we got Buttercup, my mom was working a grueling job really far away, so she had to get up at 5AM for the commute and sometimes didn't get home until 9PM. She almost always had to go straight to sleep, had no time for herself, and felt very depressed because of this job. So for the first year that we had Buttercup, he barely saw her and was quite shy around her.

After she was able to find a different job, she had more time and was much less depressed. She made it her mission to become Buttercup's friend, and within a few months he became her morning buddy. Suddenly he was knocking her eyeliner out of her hand so her hand was free to pet him, and he had gotten over his fear of the sound of running water because he wanted to stay in the bathroom while she showered. My mom stopped dreading mornings because she could look forward to spending them with Buttercup.

So... there's a lot I could say about my "family", defined as people who I'm related to by blood. But I'm not in the right mental space or time-frame to talk about it without saying things I can't take back. But I've cut contact with a lot of the people I share DNA with, and the only ones who I consider to be my "family" are my mom, two brothers, and one cousin. (My dad is dead, for the record, he didn't do anything heinous; he's just in an urn). In this small family of mine, our greatest strength is that we have an endless well of love for all living creatures.

So I don't want my mom or brother to feel guilty for being heartbroken. We loved that cat together; we made him feel wanted and cared for and loved. So we can mourn him together too. There's no hierarchy here.

[bloopo-hksg]

I have been feeling physically and mentally ill for the last month. I am disappointed in my work, I realized that I am useless and uninteresting. I've always tried to be funny, but it seems like I'm not really like that. I have a very sore head and stomach.

Here you can see various sketches of the digital circus and my characters. I hope you like Vex. :D

Oh, yes. Merry Christmas ya all!!!❤❤❤

[bells-of-black-sunday]

Link to me going over what I think is important in the tome can be found here ❤

Now here's where I just dump about my own speculations and how it applies to how I write Danny.

I think it's quite obvious from his tome that his dad was a Vietnam war veteran who came back only to be met with mockery which as far as I know from anecdotal stories was pretty common. And his mother being notably absent from being mentioned despite how much he idolizes his father I think it's fair to say she's dead. I would say she's just not in the picture, but I think he would've ranted about it for a good bit especially with how he talks about the nuclear family.

So Danny grew up in a single parent household with a father who whether it be due to some under-specified mental illness or just because he's just a horrible person wanted his son to be exactly like him. To go to war for stories and metals. To kill other people and see the horrors like he had. With the offhanded mention of drills and boot camps becoming too much during a camping trip one time and Danny killing him, I don't think it's a stretch to say he was abused.

Plus the whole throw away line of: "He just wanted the horror to end. He wanted his life back." Shows that there's something more underlying to him listening to those stories. The stories were the only respite he had from the chaos of his life, he's never had a safe space to just exist and be a kid. He's never had a place to process emotions and violence against others is so normalized to him it only makes sense for him to at the very least act out. Yet he takes it to such an extreme extent.

War stories his father wanted him to follow him in making turn into headlines about his own murders. Him channeling his own trauma and abuse unknowingly into his craft to the point where he feels personally insulted if anyone makes fun of it. Three people making a parody paper drags him back to when he killed his dad in the woods due to the chaos of everything coming to a head. A simple parody is enough to bring back emotions he thought he had crushed and buried a long time ago. Pieces of himself he didn't want to see again.

He bottles them back up, but the ugly human parts of him still remain. He knows a part of him knows that what happened to him growing up wasn't normal. Not just the boot camps, the drills, the screaming about how he has to follow his dad's footsteps be a good boot boy and earn medals he can bring home. Repeating the cycle that his father did before him. Just another soldier returning home from war knowingly they'll never feel the same at home again and everyone will point and laugh, because he's just so weak he can't handle it.

Danny still struggles to separate himself from his dad, constantly living in his shadow, doing what he's been told and what's been berated into him. He's lived so many names and lives that it's hard to find himself, not the ghost, just... Danny. And in modern Robin really does give him this safe space to be himself, just the fucked up little pieces he tries to keep bottled up so no one can see and yet even then he never lets him see them fully. His body is the only thing he can control and he's not going to give it up easily.

And I'm not writing this to give sympathy to him. He is a horrible person and he always will be. Taking war stories and twisting them into "Humans are inherently violent" by going across the country murdering innocent people. The "perfect victim that doesn't deserve to die" as he puts it is so horrible. The way he revels in finding the perfect name, how he's so excited the three people that made fun of him have normal sounding names. The entire time he's killing these people he's not viewing them as human, he's viewing them as headlines.

Things that will be seen and forgotten within the next news cycle. Something simple to fall asleep too, because "Well it couldn't happen to me right?" He views what he does as something positive, a therapy or entertainment to break up suburbia and the mundanity of modern life. The boring 9-5 desk job where they come home to turn on the news or open the paper and see the next tragedy. He knows what angles to twist it in to get politicians talking to the attention is off of him.

I also think it's extremely interesting the kind of mask he chose. A weeping ghost. A weeping face to mock his victims that just so happened to fit a perfect outline he has in his head. "A person that doesn't deserve to die." Something that his readers can get hooked in and he can forget about by the next paycheck.

[dreamingamongthestars]

Hermie

Currently an F1 blog with a side of occasional deltarune shitposting (my ut/dr side blog is @princeyralsei)

Max and Charles stan first, human being second 💙❤🦁🐎🧍‍♂️🚶‍♂️

Also adore bestie Daniel, Carlos, Fernando, Lando, Alex, Logan, Lance, and Seb 💛❤🧡💚💙💜

I also find Lewis Hamilton to be very cool and handsome despite being a Max fan LOL 🤭🤭🤭🤭💜💛💜💛

Can't go to horny jail if I'm already in it

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[incorrect-koh-posts]

First of all - love the blog! You posting KoH content always pleases me, and thank you especially for sharing what you write as that takes extra courage.

Now, headcanon asks! Raymond of Tripoli is my favourite character of the era as well, so I'm happy to see some bits about him here. Also great is the fact that you seem to vibe with him quite well! He would be pleased. Could you indulge me, please?

☼ - appearance headcanon ♒ - cooking/food headcanon ☆ - happy headcanon ■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

(When I had my car crash and a limp with it, he came to mind and that is just amusing in a way. The fact he's got one certainly makes me feel better about mine. I was warmed by the earlier post that said he doesn't mind his that much either.)

thanks!

Hi :) Thank you very much for your kind words, it really means a lot to hear that someone enjoys what I post here. Especially the non-Baldwin stuff. Good old Raymond has been living rent-free in my head for the past two years and simply refuses to leave, so I'm glad there are other people who like him and that I'm not screaming into the void like a raving lunatic.

Having a car crash sounds absolutely horrifying to me, though. I very much hope you are okay now. If not, then all my best wishes to you ❤ I've thankfully never had a limp or any serious health issues myself, so I'll limit myself to saying that I don't think these things are anything to be ashamed of. Claiming that they don't affect a person's life in some way would be lying, but we are all of us supposedly "damaged" in some way - whether inwardly or outwardly - and trying to make the best of it under our individual circumstances.

And I think that's why a lot of people feel drawn to the character of Baldwin (and, to a lesser extent, to Tiberias) in Kingdom of Heaven. It's the kind of "this man has been through a lot but he's still standing" mentality that they both exhibit. Which is particularly interesting in regard to Tiberias, since none of the historical sources ever mention Raymond having a limp or an old injury bothering him.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'm very happy to indulge you, so let's get on with the headcanon : )

RAYMOND III OF TRIPOLI (Part 2)

☼ Appearance

In terms of looks, Raymond knows he's been dealt a better hand than most other men. Tall and slim, he is rather handsome even after ten years of captivity; and even though his sharp, wolfish features and the scar marring the right side of his face can make him appear somewhat sinister, the soft brown eyes tell a different story. Still, while his height and harsh face have mostly served him well in politics and in war, Tiberias is quite aware that his appearance is not one that instantly inspires trust. The worst things he has heard others say on that topic over the years were that he looked "scrawny", "like a burnt carcass", and "older than he should be". He shrugged it off then; but sometimes, when he passes one of Sibylla's mirrors in the palace and catches a glimpse of his own reflection, he wonders at his crow's feet and the flecks of grey in his hair and for the life of him cannot fathom where all the years have gone.

In any case, he always makes sure he is well-dressed and well-groomed. (Though he wouldn't admit to it, even an old war horse like him isn't entirely exempt from vanity.) He may not be everyone's type, but Raymond knows there are still a not inconsiderable number of ladies among Sibylla's court that wouldn't say no to him. Despite the silver at his temples and his ill-sorted leg, he is, after all, rather ... well-preserved. So when he notices a lady trying to catch his eye, there is a good chance he'll take her up on the unspoken offer of some harmless teasing and flirting. Tiberias isn't the philanderer Godfrey was, but sometimes he is glad to be reminded that the boyish charm hasn't worn off entirely just yet.

♒ Cooking / Food

William of Tyre wrote about Raymond that he was very moderate in his eating and drinking habits, much more restrained than the average man. Considering that it is unclear how well he was treated during his time as a prisoner in Aleppo, it seems unlikely to me that he was a picky eater - you don't survive this long as a captive of the enemy if you're particular about food. So, while his time in captivity may have led Reynald of Châtillon to overeating, perhaps for Raymond things went in the opposite direction: making him regard food as a means to an end and not much more. He simply lacks the enjoyment that for most people comes with a good meal, especially when he's dining alone, and often has to remind himself to eat something or else he'd just forget.

While the European style of cooking isn't much to his taste, Raymond is rather fond of the Arabic cuisine and actually keeps a Saracen cook at Tripoli. He generally leans more towards spicy than towards sweet; but find him some atrocity like candied ginger and he'll happily lick the sugar crumbs from his beard like a cat that found the cream. Other than that, Tiberias likes a good wine as much as anyone. To his own chagrin, however, he gets tipsy quite easily and thus tends to limit himself to a cup or two before he begins to make a fool of himself. Godfrey has a wealth of stories on that matter from their younger days which he likes to tell at the most inopportune of times, claiming that "even a nun could drink you under the table, my friend". Tiberias denies everything.

☆ Happy

Raymond hasn't had the kindest of lives, so happiness isn't an emotion that comes easily to him - especially with the times being what they are, and the kingdom in such peril. Malicious gossip has it the Count of Tripoli is actually incapable of smiling: "With his dour face," they say, "surely he can't do aught but scowl". Which, of course, could hardly be further from the truth. Though, like any other lord of some importance, he tries to keep his temper in check around the clucking courtiers, Tiberias is a man who will openly show his happiness if he is in the right company. He is a man who likes to laugh and make merry; and perhaps he'd even be a happy man, if the circumstances were different.

There are many things that make this grumpy old knight happy. But seeing how used he is to doing things for other people, what he would probably appreciate the most would be someone doing something for him, for once. It could be something as simple as his lover helping him take off his boots after a long day; or a friend whisking him away from his duties for an afternoon spent in the city or the falconer's mews or exploring the countryside on horseback; or just a heart-felt thank you from someone for some advice Tiberias gave them. The possibilities are practically endless. (Another favourite of his, though a rare occurrence, is when someone at a courtly gathering gives him unmistakable signals that they'd like to dance with him, even though everybody knows full well that the Count of Tripoli dances like a three-legged donkey at best.)

Depending on the setting and situation, Raymond will definitely show the ones he's with that he is happy - and not merely by way of a twinkle in his eye. He can get downright giddy when the occasion allows for it. If he is really over the moon, he'll grin broadly and laugh his barking laugh, only to then either fiercely pat the closest man's back or sweep the nearest woman off her feet and into a very tight embrace. It happens rarely, but it does happen. He has heard from quite a few people over the years that one of their favourite things about him are the long, deep dimples that appear on either side of his mouth when he smiles.

■ Bedroom / House / Living Quarters

Raymond has quite a few dwellings, actually. There are his chambers at the palace of Jerusalem, plus very likely a house he keeps in the city for when he has guests of his own, then there is Castle Tiberias by the Sea of Galilee, and his ancestral home of Tripoli. Hence, a lot of space to decorate.

His living quarters at the royal palace are rather sparsely furnished; he seldom entertains visitors or spends much time there, and the state of his rooms reflects that he basically only comes there to sleep. They're nice enough - with painted tiles on the walls and gauzy curtains, ferns on the windowsills and flagstone floors that stay cool even in summer - but impersonal.

Castle Tiberias is Eschiva's domain; it's her home, after all, and since Raymond only married her about a dozen years ago, the place doesn't really say much about him, either. That's not to say that it isn't beautiful, though. As Eschiva's ancentors likely came from somewhere near Paris, the castle is more Norman in its architecture and interiors. Overlooking the Sea of Galilee, the castle gardens never lack for water, and the view of the lake at sunset, strewn with the tiny boats of the fishermen from the neighbouring villages, is quite a sight to behold. At night, with the wooden shutters flung open, Raymond falls asleep to the sound of the waves lapping at the shore, reminding him of home.

The Citadel of Saint-Gilles at Tripoli is the place closest to Raymond's heart. Built on Mons Peregrinus, you can see the dark waters of the Mediterranean from the top of its parapets, hear the seagulls cry and smell the salt in the air. With his parents constantly at odds with one another, it wasn't always a happy childhood that he spent there, but nowadays he often misses Tripoli and regrets not being able to go there more frequently. In terms of interiors, the citadel really leans into the mix of Eastern and European styles that also characterises the palace of Jerusalem. The colour scheme is much warmer, however: instead of the blue-ish hues which you'll find in Jerusalem, Tripoli is full of the reds and golds that make up the coat-of-arms of the Counts of Saint-Gilles. The rafters of the high rooms as well as a great deal of furniture are made from dark wood, and there are lots of eclectic fabrics and textures that Tiberias is actually rather fond of. In his private chambers, high up in one of the towers, Arabic elements dominate; he has a great carved four-poster bed that could do with some more pillows, and during winter nights, the lord of the house can often be found reading in one of the high-backed chairs, his long legs stretched out towards the crackling fireplace.

When left to his own devices, Tiberias does tend to be a bit of a clutterbitch, so his desk, side tables and even the mantelpiece are usually strewn with scrolls, seals, and papers and all sorts of other curiosities acquired here and there. He keeps his father's sword, which is too unwieldy for him to use, displayed on a wall in his solar; and most of the hangings found throughout the castle used to belong to his mother, depicting scenes from her favourite French chansons de geste. It may be a place of ghosts and memories now, belonging to an aging, heirless lord who is scarcely there, but to Raymond, Tripoli is still home.

Part 1 of the Raymond / Tiberias headcanons

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[alltimefail-sims]

I haven't seen many questions about my girl Maggie Pries so, if it's okay to ask, what was Maggie like when she was a child? Or alternatively, what did she wanna do for work or be when she grows up? ( Hopefully this alternative question makes sense! 😅)

AHHHH OMG I cannot even describe to you the amount of unbridled joy I experienced when I saw you ask about my dearly beloved Maggie!! She means the world to me, you can absolutely ask me anything about her. I agree I have not gotten many asks about her so I'm very excited right now!!

As a child, Maggie was complex. She was selectively affectionate, resistant to most authority, and extremely blunt. She loved her parents but fought with them constantly. She was a protective big sister, but most of the time she was terrified that she wasn't good enough (Erwin would tell you that she was the best big sister). She had a hard time making friends because she never quite fit in (always considered too argumentative, loud, or moody). That being said, if you gave Maggie a chance, she would become the best ride-or-die in your corner: the girl is fiercely loyal. She was a highly sensitive child who cried a lot and loved to talk (mostly about whatever hyperfixation she had at that moment. Her and Erwin share this trait). She also was an extremely creative child, she got into art pretty much as soon as she could hold a crayon. She has a handful of mental and neurological disorders that were fortunately caught at a young age, but even so she still went through a period around age 12 - 15 where her mental illness was giving her a really hard time. She wasn't a great student, not because she didn't want to be but because traditional school was challenging for her and she felt like she was always two steps behind her peers. She got into trouble often and didn't always have the best judgment, but despite her brashness, there was a gentle side to her that was just yearning to love and be loved.

Honestly, for most of her life Maggie didn't know if she'd ever get to "grow up," so she didn't do a lot of dreaming about the future. Once she started feeling better/more in control of her life, she started dreaming of going to art school. She wanted to make art (photography and mixed media mainly, but she loved pottery and painting too) and maybe even get to a point where she could teach some classes at a community center or something like that. She wanted to live in the city, have lots of pets, live within walking distance of some good restaurants, learn a new language (or 2), be able to afford an art museum pass of her own, and make art that came from her soul (even if that meant she had to pick up a second job that was more "stable"). I think she really just wanted to be happy, because she spent so many years of her life feeling like happiness was out of her reach.

Thank you so much for this ask ❤. I'm gonna stop talking now because she makes me emotional. Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors, I typed this on my phone because I couldn't wait until the morning to answer this question!!