#I've lost so many people to this

[voidxbrat]

It's honestly depressing how quickly and easily your (abled) family and friends will leave you behind and forget about you when you can no longer push yourself to try to keep up with them. I hate how focused everything is on going out and doing things when it comes to hanging out with so many people. It's sad how many people would rather just continue on with their busy, typical/abled life and forget about the disabled people in their life, rather than stop and slow down with them once in a while.

[solarisfortuneia]

— 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬.

and the smell of camphor dancing in the wind.

✦ info: he didn't know he'd lose you so soon. (come back, please. even if it is just for five more minutes.)

✦ featuring: alhaitham.

✦ warnings: angst, character death (reader), heartache, 1.2k words, somewhat proof-read.

✦ notes: i cried so goddamn hard writing this. why is my first work after hiatus pain. why did i pick up the angst wip. but!! i'm writing again, so that's good. (more notes at the end.)

he didn’t know that it was your last day together. 

he didn’t know that the smile you gave him that afternoon, your eyes sparkling like sunlight upon the serene waves of the ocean, would be the last he’d ever see. that the playful light in your gaze would fade so very soon, slipping through his fingers like sand.

he didn’t know that last night would be the last time he held you close while you drifted off to sleep. he didn’t know that today would be the last time he’d wake up with you.

he didn’t think he’d lose you like this. 

he didn’t think he wouldn’t be able to save you from that blow. 

“please, please,”  he begs, both to you and to whatever force that is just barely holding you together. “just stay with me for five more minutes, please. until i can get you somewhere.” 

the rain soaks him to the bone, clothes and hair sticking to his skin. your lips stay motionless, eyes shut.

“wake up, please,”  he bargains. “you can have all the five minutes of extra sleep you want later, i promise. just—”  his vision blurs, and something shines on the ground before it is gone, swallowed by damp earth, lost amidst drops of falling rain. 

desperately, he tears off parts of his traveling cloak to staunch the bleeding. deep inside, he knows it is futile. he knows your wound is too great. he knows what lies ahead. but he cannot help but press the cloths to your wound and pray. 

please, please tell me it’ll be okay. 

please stay with me, beloved. i’ll read you all the books in the world. i’ll sleep in with you everyday, even if we end up whiling away our time. 

please. stay. stay with me. i can’t lose you yet.  

“— just wake up, beloved.” 

by some miracle, your eye flutters. just a bit. just enough to set hope ablaze, just enough for the grip on his heart to loosen a tiny bit. he buries his face in your shoulder, resting his head against your neck, uncaring of the blood that stains his clothes. your blood. on his clothes. his hands. everywhere. 

no. no. this can’t be happening.

he feels you strain beneath him, your unwounded arm gently, weakly brushing his back. he jolts upright, eyes trained on your face. you send a frail smile his way. he clasps your face softly as you nuzzle into his palm.

“alhaitham—” 

his full name. archons, how long has it been since you called him that?  

“— take good care of yourself, okay?” you tell him, chest heaving, your fingertips touching a tear on his cheeks. “i love you. so much.” 

those are the last words he hears fall from your lips. he presses a kiss to your forehead, to your eyelids, and to your cheeks and to your lips, over and over and over until he feels your breath slow, hoping they’ll say what he knows he cannot manage to choke out.

i love you. 

he stays there next to you for who knows how long, holding you until the rain slows and a faint rainbow smiles in the sky.

until he can’t smell camphor anymore.

—

every person has their curiosities. 

they’re just the little traits that set them apart from others, the things that make them tick just a little bit differently, the things that make them, them.

for instance, someone may be obsessed with collecting tiny furniture, while another eats the crusts off their sandwich before actually consuming it. someone may have an affinity for the most niche aspects of linguistics, while another can accurately predict the next raindrop that slides down a window pane.

after all, no two people are exactly alike, are they?

alhaitham knows he’s got his fair share of these curiosities himself. his aversion to soup and all things that resemble it, to name one. and with you, he’d noticed two things. 

number one: the scent of camphor that seems to linger on every inch of your person. 

he’d caught whiff of it almost immediately the first time you met. you were but one of his juniors in the akademiya, filled with bright-eyed curiosity and anxiety to match. you had tripped over a stair and bumped into his table in the library, bringing the mountain of books in your arms crashing down.

and with subsequent coincidental meetings, he learnt that the subtle scent of camphor dancing in the air meant you weren’t far away. 

you were, unfortunately, one of the poor souls who seemed to be cursed with constantly recurring minor illnesses, and almost always walked about with a stuffy nose. and so, you always carried a small disc of camphor in a handkerchief, as well as in your pocket.

you swore up and down, left, right and center that sniffing the vapors helped make breathing easier.

‘it’s my grandmother’s remedy, alhaitham! camphor always works wonders. well, that and eucalyptus oil.”

alhaitham may not know the validity of your claim or the legitimacy of the cure, but he knew to never, ever question a grandmother’s remedy. that, and he’d much rather refrain from starting a back-and-forth about something so small.

and number two: your neverending pleas of different variations of ‘just five more minutes!’ 

“five more minutes, ‘haitham. please.” you’d whine grumpily when he woke you up to start your day. “let me sleep in for five more minutes.” 

“five more minutes, habibi,” you’d ask when he put down the story you’d requested he read out to you before bedtime. “read me the part where she finds the music box?”

“five more minutes, baby,” is what you’d tell him when he asks how much longer you’d take getting ready. “you can’t rush perfection!”

those five more minutes were never five minutes long. 

but he’d always, always indulged you and those pleading eyes of yours. as stoic as he appeared to be, you lived in his heart. of course he could never deny you anything under the sun.

—

alhaitham remembers that silly little song you sang over and over, the one you’d learnt from a kid in the bazaar. he’d taken you to see one of nilou’s performances, and, friendly soul that you were, you’d struck up a conversation with some of the eager audience members before the play. 

“oh, how i wish i was a bird flying free,

i’d see the world, every mountain and every sea!

oh, how i wish i was a cloud in the sky,

wouldn’t you like to wave to me as i pass by?”

you’d hum that rhyme on every idle afternoon.

loss is inevitable. he knows that, with how logical and rational and straightforward he is. he’d lost his parents, but he was far too young to remember. he’d lost his grandmother, but she passed in her sleep of old age, serene and wise.

but you? he didn’t think you’d leave him this soon. a singular wish sits in his soul, making its home in his bones. 

a wish that you’d come back, somehow. 

he wishes you gave him five more minutes, just as he always did.  but he knows that you could’ve given him five more hours, five more days, five more years and five more decades and it would still not be enough time spent with you. 

a blue feathered bird comes to perch on his shoulder, interrupting his musings just as he raises his face to the sky. he sees the heart shaped cloud that floats idly above sumeru city.

 he thinks of the rhyme again, and something in him tells him to wave. and so he does. a scent so familiar lingers, faintly brushing his nose in the wind that picks up.

“alhaitham, it's time to go.”  kaveh calls his name softly.

 alhaitham doesn't move. “five more minutes,”  he says, echoing your favorite phrase. “i smell camphor in the breeze.” 

✦ extra notes: my alhaitham characterization for this fic stems from how i believe that when alhaitham is attached, he's attached. so i focused more on that, and less of all that rationality and whatnot. this one loves deeply, yk?

that camphor thing is a real grandma remedy in our household (my mom would tie some in a hanky and put some under my pillow and still to this day reminds me to do it when i'm sick) which is what originally sparked the idea for this

when i'd initially started this wip, i didn't expect it go this way. usually i write with my brain, but i think i wrote this one with my fingers working faster than i can think hsjhsj so sorry if it's kinda out of place lmao but yk what? i'm happy with it still even though i feel like it doesn't have my usual quality.

thanks for reading.

[stromer]

call me crazy... but i think hockey belongs in the desert idk

[pallanophblargh]

I'm up for a long night of sketching (rare) and filled with a sudden abrupt sadness at having lost so much of my old work. But by some MIRACLE, all the old sketches I despise survived.

This is what I get for a) not keeping good backup habits and b) letting all my online galleries lapse.

I need to address the mass of said hated sketches and just do a cathartic burn. My space gets tidied, and I release some blegh feelings. We all win!

[fallloverfic]

"Nimona" movie artbook thoughts

There's so much neat stuff here. Spoilers for the movie below the cut but just dang I love this

So many neat ideas for long-haired Ambrosius. Ponytail Ambrosius! He looks so cute!

There was going to be a magazine cover with "Goldenloin bares it all" and I like to think part of this is in reference to the two pin-ups Nate drew (Pin-up 1 and Pin-up 2). It's neat to see how much they were building up his celebrity in more ways. In other concept art, he was on more magazine covers, and he shows up as part of a parade. There are lots of concepts of Goldenloin fans.

Also this Ambrosius test is amazing. The weird Todd/Ambrosius fusion in motion lol But you can tell they even modified it later to turn it into Todd. He's a bit softer here in a way and just... fun. Todd cosplaying as Ambrosius/having a nightmare/dream about it aldkjalj

It was also interesting to see more confident Ballister. There's an animation test with him fighting some Institute guards, and it's very clear in early concept art (from that popular viral test back in 2021 as well) that he was more confident in earlier production.

More adorable Ambrosius/Ballister moments, and some cute Ambrosius. They're absolutely sweet.

And unfortunately one of the biggest losses in the movie: the amazing stuff they show for Meredith Blitzmeyer. At one point she was going to be covered in magic tattoos.

"For a long time, the character of Meredith Blitzmeyer was in the film. She served many different functions in many different iterations. At one point, she had a magical van that was bigger on the inside. In another, she was covered from head to toe in magical tattoos. And in another, she was the head of a vast underground society, called the Silver Society, comprised of all the magical creatures forced into hiding by the institute. Ultimately, the story went in a different direction, but her design and model were so beloved that she wasn’t lost but repurposed into The Queen." This all sounds so cool (except the repurposed into a character who dies in the first 10 minutes of the movie part T-T).

She has an entire spread. It's neat that she got to show up in some form (when they recycled her design for Valerin), but I love the idea of the Silver Society and her place in it and also Ballister having more friends and just ugh. These designs and world-building are so cool. I wish we'd seen all of them in the movie.

Also finally an eye dings chart! With everything clearly explained lol Neat to know I wasn't imagining some in-between diamond/square shape when Ballister is changing.

And this pride flags spread! There's a drag queen club! I just love all of this!! Seeing them spread throughout the movie is fun but it's neat to see the collection here!

Also this line: "In actuality, there has not been a monster attack since the first, so the fear and belief of the possibility is the only thing keeping the populace in check." It's neat to get confirmation of that.

Also a very much more violent Nimona was in the early/late-ish production lol.

José Manuel Fernández Oli talked on his Facebook collection of concept art about there at one point being an underground of outcast shapeshifters, and I don't know if that's what we're seeing here, but we were at least maybe also going to get more magical people (which matches the Meredith plans)??

Weres? People with fire magic? Satyrs? Demons? Elves? Or just a wider range of shapeshifter people. That would have been so cool.

There are environment designs for the Institute, Ballister and Nimona's hide-out, people designs, a few more test animations they haven't put up elsewhere, more Nimona shapeshifts (more dogs and cats, a second kind of gnome, more of her bulkier, muscular design, more types of dragons, a goat, more ancient Nimona concepts, plant monster Nimona, alien(?) Nimona, etc.). We nearly had goblin Director. Older Gloreth concepts... It's all really awesome.

All in all, a lot of really cool stuff.

[deoidesign]

.

[qsmpbutwithsignlanguage]

Where's that post about how the QSMP is built off of love because Tiba and Tubbo played together for a grand total of five days in Purgatory Two but they will still go into each other's chats a month and a half later and everybody freaks out with excitement and it's absolutely incredible.

Five days.

And a lasting friendship.

God I love the QSMP.

[copper-skulls]

Oh hi hello! My commissions are officially OPEN! (this post is up-to-date as of january 2024) closed for exam season. lmk if you want to get poked once I have time again!

so very closed.

Some extra notes:

I live in central Europe so my reactions might be at bit odd times, especially for folks living in America!

I'll check in with you with a sketch before lining, and after each completion stage (ie. lineart, flats, shading) afterwards.

I don't have slots but will update this post when/if i reach the capacity of work I'm willing to take on.

[peridots-pixiwolf]

sketches from @mipexch 's whiteboard a couple days ago!!

also feat. a very small reference to @onlineviolence :]

[mishkakagehishka]

I just . Repeating "characters are tools" you end up erasing so much about arashi's character and motivations and interactions with other characters if you avoid using her pronouns aka avoid showing she's transgender. It's on the same level of frustration with the translators i had when i saw they had Mika speaking standard English, there's a LOT that gets lost if you don't show those little things.

[gumy-shark]

<- god's wettest most pathetic most stressed most anxious beast btw

[infernalmelancholy]

okay i've been seeing more and more people, especially fic writers and fan artists, leaving social media because of the way they're being treated and it's becoming worrying.

fandom creators are not celebrities (not that you should treat celebrities horribly either but y'know what i mean.) most of the time they're teenagers or young adults just making some art in their room at 3am about a thing they like.

you have no right to make demands or offer unsolicited criticism. no right. it's the equivalent of banging on your neighbor's door to let them know you don't like how they've decorated their garden. it's their garden. you can look at it. you can like or dislike it. and then you move along. you're not allowed to demand that they change it.

and when people share things about their personal life online that is not an invitation for you to invade their privacy or converse with complete strangers like they're your childhood besties.

respect people's boundaries. ask for permission before offering your opinion. just be fucking nice to people please.

[brittlebutch]

honestly Adaine is so good at clarifying/directing Ayda socially that it begins to circle back to a dynamic of like, Ayda saying "i don't know or understand these rules" and Adaine responding "have no fear, I've been carefully studying and manually interfacing with these for years, I will explain:" in a way that to me is so autism4autism

[starrynightsoversunflowers]

I'm honestly so fucking tired of seeing post made by gringos that mock the desire to kill and exterminate mosquitos. "Ohh but they're part of the environment!!!" Fuck off

I want every single aedes aegypty mosquito dead

Not because "it's annoying" or "an inconvenience"

They are a literal and very real threat to health to people in South America

Houndreds of thousands of people are sick with dengue. It is a disease that weakens you, makes you bleed internally, gives you fevers, rashes, vomiting. It's called the bone-breaker because you feel like you've been hit by a car. You can't leave your bed for more than half an hour (even less sometimes) before you're exhausted. Even after, it's very likely to have sequels.

I know. I've had it

Thousands have died in horrible pain because of it

And it's worse than it's ever been because the mosquitos are everywhere

Because of climate change and the higher and higher temperatures every year the mosquitos live longer. They thrive. It's not something we're used to. Not in this scale

So fuck all the way off to any gringo that has the gall to mock south americans for not wanting to contract a disease that could literally be everywhere

[linusbenjamin]

Lost 3.20 | The Man Behind the Curtain

[whywoulditho]

if you're still not boycotting israeli products, protesting against the genocide, sharing the news, asking for a ceasefire, I am judging you. I know my followers, I know my mutuals. I know the ones who selectively interact with my anime shitposts and ignore the ones about palestine. I am seeing you and I am judging you. I won't call you out on your bullshit personally, because if you can still ignore this humanitarian crisis while being active online and seeing all those posts, you're just not worth trying to reason with. But know that if you still choose to be silent, if you still think this issue is too political or complicated you're an ignorant, pathetic little bitch. you can't live without your starbucks? grow the fuck up. you think celebrities don't owe anyone their support and it is okay for them to stay quiet when it's the brown, the muslim who suffers? you're fucking delusional and you're pathetic. you think you get to turn a blind eye because it's not effecting you? you're a self-centered whiney little toddler. stay in your bubble and keep quiet all you want, i know you will lie to your kids one day and tell them you stood with palestine.

none of us are free until all of us are. free palestine 🇵🇸