#I've never put my actual writing in the tags before and I admit I'm a bit rusty

[pe4nutastic]

What was it worth?

[ A kaleidoscope of sickly red lines stretch out across his torso like spiderwork, deliberate and perfectly formed yet undoubtedly denotative that something is horribly wrong if his hunched (and pitiful, pathetic) posture, hand clutching tightly at where a heart would be situated if his physiology permitted it, were any indication.  There’s some odd sense of tightness about his current state which keeps him frozen to the spot, mouth opening and closing as if to say something… only to be swallowed up by a strange continuum of sharpness tingling throughout his body like electricity, hot and relentless, unlike anything he had known before.  He’s utterly paralyzed by this state and unable to act as a result, much less make much sense of what’s happening as his mind slowly begins to unravel like threads in clothing.  And yet something sticks out anyways.  The exact trigger behind it.  One which, even through his best efforts, invades his mind, permeating through every consecutive crack that has appeared within long before manifesting externally.  Something which he had thought to be long since extinguished within his heart.

Despair.  Crushing, unsympathetic, and rending despair.

Something which had always tiptoed around the corners of feigned confidence and ironclad will–the very same will which had enabled for him to fulfill his pre-determined role and associated duties to perfection, as if never tainted by humanity to begin with–but never quite managed to break through until glimmers of faded light.. of a warm memory long since past… had managed to peer through the monochromatic and numb emptiness of his mind.  And even so, it did not come in a big dramatic burst but rather as a quiet resignation.  Of desolation and insatiable emptiness; a hole that could never be filled in his ‘heart’ after her death.  One which, upon receiving a rather severe scolding from his superiors, only grew until he could no longer contain it.  Until he could no longer tolerate it, bursting at the fragile seams of his imperfect mind.  Until he had to do something to rectify his original failure.  Anything to make the incomprehensible pain stop.  Anything to erase this feeling now that it cannot be suppressed as easily.  Anything to be useful again.

Desperation.

And so, he had gone against the orders of his superiors–to return back to the home-planet for reevaluations–and with the future-predicting power of the Apple of Enlightenment, instead constructed a plan to guarantee victory.  One which even fate itself would not be able to distort.  One where he would create the optimal winning conditions and eradicate the blight of humanity for good.  After all, he was just a tool programmed to fulfill military functions until the eternal bend of time itself.  He owed it to the ones which had created him to do at least this much.  To prove that he was useful –that he still had value.  But, it was all for naught.  Feverish delusion at best.  A deranged fantasy.

This ambition and dedication.  Value and purpose.  What was it really worth?

More sickly red cracks spread across his exoskeleton, across his neck and through his face to the left ear, lowered in part shame and part agony.  The Chosen Ones are inching closer and closer to victory.  Advancing in ways he was certain that they could not and closing in fast, just as the Apple of Enlightenment had originally predicted.  Even after everything he had done… they were destined for victory.  His hands curl in, against the pain of movement, into tight balls while his tail–littered with a patchwork of red cracks on its own–sharply taps against the darkened ground within The Place That Time Forgot.  He could not overcome the gears of fate.  It’s over.  

All the sacrifice.  The depths he had sunk to in order to realize his machinations.  The price others had paid for his goal.  What was it really worth?

He went against the will of his species for nothing, choosing to try again rather than returning back to the home-planet to be scrapped as he should have. Another crack, this one thicker cuts to his right ear.  He spent all this time preparing and ‘setting the stage’ for destroying the Chosen Ones for nothing.  Yet another crack, stretching harshly down his back.  He betrayed his own mother for nothing.  And several more cracks, spreading like an infectious disease to his other appendages with a sickening snap, like crushing bones.  The Psion species.  Maria.  No matter what receives his loyalty or efforts, he cannot succeed.  He cannot ‘win’.  Only fail, with no consolation other than the notion that he cannot possibly be–and in fact, should not–hurt because he is a Psion.  An empty shell animated by psionic energies with no will of its own.

All this pain and emptiness.  Desolation and despair.  What is it really worth?  What is It really Worth?  WHAT.  IS.  IT.  REALLY.  WORTH–

The thought is abruptly cut off and erased in an instant, another crack piercing the hollow shell containing his very essence and power albeit this time, etching out a hole through which tendrils of a seething and brightened red start to ooze out like pus out a badly infected wound, feverishly weaving too and through in the still air of the cave and cutting through the darkness with a disturbing glow as its shell promptly shatters with a resounding splinter, jagged pieces falling to the ground with a hollow clatter.  And with that, that overwhelming and suffocating–crushingly so–sense of despair wraps around him like a ghostly hug, one that is tipped with conflicting fragments of a few other emotions.  Emotions and the pain felt which grow in strength, feeding on the last vestiges of his disordered and decaying mind with ravenous vigour as its integrity plummets at a sharp drop from before.

–what had he been talking about again?  He can’t recall.  And as the seconds tick on by, even the inquiry on the matter to himself seems more and more like a distant memory, the corrupted essence gradually gushing out his exoskeleton at an increasingly enthused pace, twisting and churning into contorted impressions of his physical appearance as it does so.

What was it?What was it?What was it?What was it?What was it?What was it?

He can’t remember anything.  It hurts.  Nothing comes through.  It hurts.  Everything seems fragmented and murky, the only clarity coming through in haunting glints of the poisonous concoction of emotions which had come rushing through the moment his will had broke.  It hurts.

Despair.  Hatred.  Regret.  And… something else.  Destroy the pain.

A kind of desolate and chalky dryness.  One that is impossible to remedy.  Hunger without a biological mechanism for it.  Thirst without dehydration.

He’s starving for something.  Desperate for something.  Plagued with a hole (somehow) that cannot be filled.  An empty spot, collapsed in on itself and broken as it may be… stuffed with pain as it may be… remains hollow nonetheless.  

It hurts.  It burns.  Destroy.

His very essence is cloaked in a sensation that is fundamentally unfulfilled.  Lynched with a longing for something.  It hurts.  A deep and passionate desire plucked from the long-since rotten core of his heart.  One which needs to be satiated, but will never be, like lines that can never intersect.  Destroy.

The line is gone.  Parallels do not intersect.  It hurts.

What was it worth?What was it worth?What was it worth?What was it worth?

Another cut.  Another sharp drop in mental integrity and even the remaining vestiges of consciousness, tiny and fragile as they were, are too erased as his corrupted and twisted form fully establishes itself in a nightmarish effigy.  Only one thing remains.

Everything hurts.  Destroy.  Destroy everything. ]

[astonmartinii]

reluctant cupid | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem bff!reader

you could set your bestie up with a driver or you could confess your feelings? lando norris is dumb.

based on this request: Could you write something about being best friends with lando and he tries to help set you up with another driver you have a crush on, but then he realises he actually likes you so he has to sabotage all the wingmanning he’s done and you end up together Idk if that makes sense 😭🫶🏼🫶🏼 -@mbappesleftthigh

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 49,340 others

yourusername: someone please save me from the grips of hinge and this oh so lonesome life

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user1: girl knows the whole f1 paddock and looks like that and is still alone there is NO HOPE for me

user2: this post might have thrown me over the edge

landonorris: "i'm so lonely" "why don't you approach that guy" "no too scary"

user3: that's so real though

yourusername: thank you!

landonorris: how do you expect to find a boyfriend when you don't like to talk to anyone and treat hinge like a gameshow

yourusername: i didn't come here for actual advice let me commiserate in peace. god, can women have anything these days?

landonorris: ???

yourusername: oh! idea! pretty please set me up with one of your friends? they have to be great otherwise you wouldn't be friends with them, right? RIGHT?

landonorris: i guess...

yourusername: please lando, i've never asked for anything before

landonorris: i can feel you pouting through the phone

yourusername: so you'll consider ?

landonorris: fine...

user4: bro either gotta admit his feelings now or be condemned to be in the plot of a weird romantic comedy

user5: i personally don't think i can wait until the third act break up with this side character LANDO ACT NOW

oscarpiastri: you'd really trust lando's judgement?

yourusername: he's friends with me, he's got good taste?

oscarpiastri: touche

maxverstappen1: whatever you really wanna say oscar, you gotta keep it in, these idiots will figure it out eventually

yourusername: ???

landonorris: ???

user6: the grid are so done with their asses i can't 😭

user7: but what if the universe doesn't intervene and lando really has just lost the girl forever?

user8: bestie we can't be thinking like this

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 812,047 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: being back home means being bothered by her (and whatever is her newest hyperfixation - it's sylvanian families this month if you couldn't tell)

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user9: i am so sorry but they are so in love

user10: it's cute in the movies, but these blind bitches are starting to piss me off

yourusername: THEY CAN HEAR YOU, BE A BETTER DAD

landonorris: they're not my children

yourusername: you take that back right now, you LOVE them

landonorris: you spent my money on them yes

yourusername: that's fatherhood, buddy. buckle up

user11: whoever he sets her up (if he's still dumb enough to do that) is gonna be the biggest third wheel in history

user12: who would willingly sign up for that

user13: me. i would. i have two working eyes and have seen y/n

maxverstappen1: who are these funky little critters and how can i procure some for p?

yourusername: finally a man with sense, literally any grocery store or toy store

maxverstappen1: perf

yourusername: if lando stops being mr. grumpy i'll ask him if i can come to a race and p and i can play animal families

landonorris: i am NOT mr. grumpy

maxverstappen1: you kinda are dude. is it the set-up is it stressing you out?

landonorris: nO

yourusername: then why are you putting it off !!! lando i might die from terminal yearning !!!

landonorris: i have an interested candidate

yourusername: really? do you think they'll actually like me? like this isn't a pity date right?

landonorris: nope!

user14: lando is typing through tears as we speak

user15: if y/n does go on a date with someone from the paddock i actually hope it goes well, as one lonely girl to another, it's tough out here we need one win

f1wagupdates

liked by user18, user19 and 11,043 others

tagged: yourusername & carlossainz55

f1wagupdates: turns out lando is a bit of a cupid as his childhood friend y/n y/ln was spotted out and about with carlos sainz.

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user20: HE ACTUALLY DID IT

user21: that moment when you're so down bad for a girl that you set her up with your best friend

user22: that moment when you're such a wimp you can't admit your feelings and set up the girl you like with a literal GREEK GOD

user23: i am so bamboozled by this move he literally looked like a kicked puppy on his stream bro this is your doing 😭

user24: she's a lover girl she's going to get her heart broken :(

user25: this has mess written all over it

user26: she's literally described herself as a terminal yearner i feel like she'll throw herself in and will get hurt

user27: UNLESS! this is all part of the plan? what if lando set her up with a messy guy like carlos so he can be the shoulder to cry on and that's how he slides in?

user28: that's very convoluted, very rom-com but i'll take it if it means we get lando and y/n together in the end

user29: i know this probably won't last long but can we all appreciate how hot this couple is?

user30: lando and y/n runs rings round y/n and carlos

user31: lol lando is a bad friend for setting her up with CARLOS him and charles are THEE red flags

user32: i hope y/n is prepared

user33: also lando hasn't thought it fully out if his plan is to be the shoulder to cry on because he's just opening her up to be called a homie hopper or a paddock bunny

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 702,554 others

carlossainz55: productive weekend with my girl

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user34: well that's not y/n

user35: that finished faster than i expected

user36: lando DO NOT quit your day job

landonorris: call me bro

carlossainz55: si, cabron

user37: i don't think they'll be cabrons after this call

user38: maybe this is all just going to plan?

user39: yall gotta give up this conspiracy theory maybe these people are just as dumb and mean as they seem to be

user40: soooooo... what did we all do this weeekend?

user41: i broke a girl's heart @carlossainz55 twins 👯‍♂️

user42: AHHHH???

maxverstappen1: oh that's not-

yourusername: you're so chronically online :(

maxverstappen1: you're alive?

yourusername: yes. coming at you live from the bed i'm currently rotting in

maxverstappen1: not going to say i didn't warn you?

carlossainz55: really? in my own comment section?

yourusername: one second, we're having a conversation here

maxverstappen1: yeah carlos, gosh.

carlossainz55: i'm so confused

user43: okay power move to just start a conversation in his comments?

user44: the power of confusion is simply unmatched

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 56,309 others

yourusername: certified boy hater

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user45: a ferrari boy will do that to you

landonorris: feeling hashtag victimised rn

yourusername: obviously doesn't include you girlypop. but you seriously need to reevaluate your judgement

landonorris: carlos is attractive?

yourusername: he ghosted me?

carlossainz55: i am right here

yourusername: blocked.

landonorris: did you actually just block him?

yourusername: yes 😀 !

landonorris: god this is a nightmare

yourusername: not if you'd take a GOD DAMN HINT

landonorris: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

user46: yall this is a public instagram comment section

user47: don't say that, this is their argument in the rain moment

user48: lemme grab the popcorn 🍿

maxverstappen1: this better not include the real number one girlypop here

yourusername: of course not pookie

oscarpiastri: you gonna continue the lil spat above this?

yourusername: no?

oscarpiastri: well some people (max and i) would like to listen so please continue

yourusername: no, i don't think i will

oscarpiastri: GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE INSUFFERABLE

maxverstappen1: what oscar said

user49: oscar and max are so real

user50: they can't leave us on this cliff hanger

landonorris

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,043,788 others

landonorris: some snaps from '23

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user51: have we just been thirst trapped?

user52: i don't think it was intended for us

user53: this has "i am hotter than carlos sainz" written all over it

yourusername: posting tits on main, brave.

landonorris: i came second in singapore.

yourusername: sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. modesty, ever heard of it lan?

landonorris: slutshaming isn't cute y/n

yourusername: you kinda have to pull to be a slut lan. you are under qualified for the position

landonorris: if you keep being mean to me i will call your mum or my mum.

yourusername: try it. i see cisca more than you, i have faith in her

landonorris: the line is busy. are you on the phone to MY mum right now?

yourusername: maybe.

user54: we're so close to them getting their heads out of their asses

user55: don't get my hopes up

danielricciardo: i hope this works lol

landonorris: you don't think i'm sexy?

danielricciardo: it doesn't matter what i think

landonorris: i'm not sexy :(

danielricciardo: you're baiting me but yes, you are sexy.

user56: i'll fight anyone who made this man believe he's not beautiful

liked by yourusername

user57: I SAW THAT 📸

user58: someone just lock them in a cupboard at this point

oscarpiastri: noted.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 89,034 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: yeah, yeah. you can stop yelling at us now.

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user61: LET'S FUCKING GO

user62: it was worth all that yelling. i expect an invite to the wedding now.

user63: wedding? girly they only just realised their feelings after a DECADE

maxverstappen1: it was about fucking time

yourusername: okay miss ma'am. some people are EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE AND NOT VERY GOOD AT PROCESSING THEM

maxverstappen1: you must've been emotionally constipated because this was painful

yourusername: it was painful for me too

maxverstappen1: so painful that you dated CARLOS

yourusername: one date! ONE!

maxverstappen1: carlos said can you unblock him so he can be mean to me?

yourusername: fine.

carlossainz55: STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PERSON. YES I AM NOT THE BEST AT RELATIONSHIPS BUT LEAVE ME BE

maxverstappen1: lol

yourusername: lol

user64: unblocking carlos to hit him with the lol max and y/n might be more iconic than lando and y/n

landonorris: not on our relationship announcement post 🤨

user65: OOP.

landonorris: i love you doofus

yourusername: i love you too muppet

landonorris: how much was the betting pool for your family?

yourusername: it got to over £300

landonorris: ours was £750

yourusername: are we dumb?

landonorris: no!

oscarpiastri: two dumbass girls saying 'yass' to each other

yourusername: LEAVE US BE

landonorris: oscar :(

user66: not their own families betting on when they'd get together 😭

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,430,778 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: first win, hopefully not my only one.

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user67: MY BABIES

user68: i feel like i've been on this journey with them

oscarpiastri: thank god you guys got your shit together, i was THIS close to jumping out the nearest window if i had to watch lando mope around like a kicked puppy when y/n had the lil thing with carlos

user69: so it wasn't some grand plan?

oscarpiastri: no he's just dumb enough to actually set up his first love with his best friend

landonorris: OSCAR!

oscarpiastri: am i wrong?

landonorris: no... but! i got there in the end

oscarpiastri: good thing you're faster on track

user70: the grid being just as done with them as us is killing me

maxfewtrell: finally this unnecessarily long and overly convoluted saga has come to and end, lets never do this again!

landonorris: i'm locked in for life bro no worries

yourusername: awwwwwwwwwwwwww i love you too bubs

maxfewtrell: stop being sappy under my comment

yourusername: you just complained we didn't sort out our shit fast enough and now we're too sappy?

landonorris: STICK TO A STORY BOZO

maxfewtrell: now you're even more ride or die... can we go back?

yourusername: nope!

landonorris: nope!

maxverstappen1: i for one am very happy for you both

yourusername: thank you max !!

landonorris: not so fast, he had the biggest bet on us in the paddock

yourusername: get that bag sis

landonorris: ???

yourusername: we can't fight it anymore, let them have their jokes, we actually have each other now :)

landonorris: yes we do :) xx

user71: golly gosh this is so fucking cute

fin.

note: i hope this is what you were looking for and that you all enjoyed!! i'm just waiting on my tester sticker sheets for my small business @badlydrawnf1cats on here and on instagram, if you wanna give it a follow x tHANK YOU FOR READING MY LOVES X

[bucks-babe]

I’ve been here before lol. I just had to let you know, your virgin Bucky stories live rent free in my head. I hope one day to see him become… not a virgin 👀 if you feel like writing it of course ❤️

Pairing: Virgin!Bucky x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, smut, loss of virginity, slightly sub Bucky, soft!dom reader, riding, multiple orgasms (both), overstimulation, fingering, p in v, unprotected sex (Don’t do that), copious amounts of cum, like so much, Bucky has a big dick, cumming untouched, cumming in boxers, ball riding (I know, there’s something wrong with me), crying during sex (Bucky this time, not reader lol), crying after sex, aftercare, Bucky is so sweet, taking care of Bucky, washing Bucky’s hair (This is a warning), my limited ass vocabulary (It’s a warning), actual brain rot, no use of Y/N, check tags at the bottom

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: This has been in the works for so long but I took so damn long to finish it. I would have never guessed that so many of yall would be so invested in this story and Bucky’s journey. This is not the last you will see of these two, don’t worry. I think we should give them each a nickname. Leave a comment on what each of their names should be. Legit just had them call each other baby this entire fic. If I end up giving them nicknames, I’ll go back and put them in for all their stories. Anyway, enjoy!

As you slowly open your eyes, feeling the warmth and comfort of Bucky's embrace, a sense of safety washes over you. His strong arms are wrapped tightly around you. As you turn to face him, you see that Bucky is already awake, his deep blue eyes gazing at you with adoration and love. You can feel the rhythm of his breathing, steady and soothing against your skin. In this moment, nothing else matters except for the love and contentment you feel in each other's arms

"Good morning," he whispers, his voice husky with sleep. The sunlight filters through the window, casting a gentle glow upon his face, accentuating the lines of worry etched there.

With a small smile, you shift closer to him, reveling in the intimacy of the moment. "Good morning," you reply softly, tracing circles on his chest.

Bucky's fingers instinctively tighten around you, as if afraid to let go. "Last night... I didn't mean to let go like that" he admits shyly, his cheeks flushing a rosy hue. "I didn't know I was into that." Bucky felt embarrassed, not being used to letting go and having someone else take care of him. It was such a foreign feeling, yet he loved it, being able to trust someone completely, trusting you more than he does himself. Your heart swells at his vulnerability.

"Oh Bucky, it's okay. I liked it, I liked taking care of you. There's nothing to be ashamed about."

Bucky's eyes soften, relief flooding his features as he takes in your words. "You liked it?" he asks, his voice tinged with both surprise and hope.

A gentle nod escapes you, your fingers continuing their soothing motion on his chest. "Yes, Bucky. I enjoyed every moment of it," you reassure him, your voice filled with sincerity.

He exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding, a weight lifting off his shoulders. "I've never let myself be vulnerable like that before," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm scared of losing control."

A tender smile graces your lips as you cup his cheek, caressing it with your thumb. "Bucky, being vulnerable doesn't mean losing control. It means trusting someone enough to let them in, to share yourself completely." Your words carry the weight of understanding and acceptance.

He gazes at you, his blue eyes reflecting a mixture of desire and hesitation. "I don't want to disappoint you, you know? You've been with experienced men before who knew how to pleasure you. I'm not sure if I can do the same for you." The poor thing was terrified of letting you down. He loves you so much, but what if he can’t please you? Would you leave him for someone better? How many people would even want to be with a man who knows almost nothing about pleasing a woman? 

Your hand reaches out to cup Bucky's cheek, your thumb brushing across his rough stubble. His skin is warm and soft under your touch. As you sit up, your hand still resting on Bucky's chest, feeling the faster beat of his heart under your palm. His skin is warm and smooth against your fingertips, a reassuring and comforting touch.

"Last night you gave me the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced with a man. Those other men? They think that one trick that worked on one woman will work on every woman. But you, my love? You listened to me and my body, which is more than most men can say."

Your voice softens as you look into Bucky's eyes, seeing the raw emotion and vulnerability that lies within them. "Bucky, I don't want to give you the impression that you're not enough. You were amazing last night, and I’m glad that you trust me enough to share that part of yourself."

His eyes soften, a look of gratitude and relief washing over him. He leans in to kiss your forehead, his hand brushing against your cheek, his thumb tracing the outline of your lips. "Thank you," he whispers, the words feeling like a heavy weight finally lifting off his shoulders. He takes a deep breath, and you can see a newfound confidence and determination in his eyes. "I want to learn, to be better for you. To make you feel the way you felt last night, every time."

A smile tug at the corner of your lips as you lean in to kiss him gently. "I believe in you, Bucky. And I know that you'll learn and grow, just like you did last night. And I’ll be right there to show you how." With a reassuring nod, Bucky pulls you into a deep and passionate kiss, his hands cradling your face. The warmth of his touch sends a shiver down your spine.

Slowly, he pulls away from the kiss, leaving behind a trail of electric energy on your lips. "I want to make love to you today," he whispers. "I want to give you everything I have, and show you just how much I care." Your heart swells with love for the man who would give you anything.

“Are you sure, Bucky? We don’t have to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing. I’m perfectly fine waiting for you, however long it takes.” You cup his face, staring into his eyes, seeing determination yet anxiety in his eyes. He wants to do this, have you be his first and only, he’s sure of it.

“Yes. I want more, I want everything with you. Last night, making you feel good, it sparked something in me. I want to do it again. Fuck, you looked so sexy when you came.” Just at the thought of the taste of your pussy and the image of you writhing on the bed in pleasure makes his cock throb, filling with blood. The feel of your naked breasts pressed against him is doing nothing to stop it either.

“If you’re sure, baby, we will. You want to follow my lead or experiment by yourself?” The thought of you trusting him enough to let him do whatever he wants to your body makes him whine, bucking his hip into your bare core, the boxers doing little to hinder the feeling on his sensitive dick.

“Want to follow you, please.” As you take the covers of the pair of you, Bucky’s eyes go right to your tits, hands moving on their own accord to cup them. You’re proud that he was comfortable enough to touch you without hesitancy. 

You roll onto your back, Bucky following without a second thought, hands still on you, Bucky sits on his knees, admiring the view of your spread pussy. “I want you to finger me. You remember how, baby?” Of course Bucky remembers how, he remembers how much it made you moan and wiggle on the bed, how you were clenching on them when you came, how fucking tight you got. Bucky nods, right hand moving to your pussy. He needs to use his right hand, needs to feel how wet and tight you are. 

Thumb moving to your slit, he gathers the wetness that has been pooling there since you felt his hard cock through his boxers and drags it up to your clit, rubbing it just the way you taught him, the small gasp that leaves your lips lets him know he’s doing it right. His eyes can’t leave your pussy, memorized by the wetness leaving it. He trails his middle and ring finger down and slowly enters you, cock somehow getting even harder at your feel.

His metal hand comes down to rub your clit as his fingers speed up, wanting you to cum so fucking bad. “Just like that, baby. You’re doing so fucking well. Making me feel so good.” Bucky can feel his heavy balls pulling up, cum about to burst from his cock, hips thrusting in the air, meeting nothing. Heat creeps up his cheeks, he knows he’s going to cum before you without even touching anything. He wants so fucking bad to jerk his cock, coaxing his huge load out, but he can’t leave your pussy.

You clench tights around him, your orgasm building up as well. Bucky can’t handle it, the way your head hits the pillows, eyes closed in pleasure, moans getting higher in pitch. Within seconds, Bucky’s cock bursts, cum pouring from his tip, immediately soaking the front of his boxers, leaking down until it lands on the bed, his moans louder than yours. At the sound of his pleasure you cum, clit twitching under his fingers, waves upon waves passing through you. 

As you come down from your orgasm, you realize that Bucky is still cumming. “Baby, why won’t it stoppp, fuckk, please, feels so fucking good, shitt, please.”At his words the last of him cum dribbles out. The sight of his flushed cheeks and the soaking wet boxers almost makes you cum again. Sitting up, you push Bucky off the bed until he stands, taking off his underwear and pulling him back onto the bed, laying him down.

“You still want to do anything else, baby?” You desperately want to have his cock inside of you, have him cumming that much in your pussy, letting it leak out all over his balls down to the bed, but if he doesn’t want to go any further you’ll stop, no questions asked.

“Oh fuck yes! Want you to ride me please.” The whole of his sentence comes out as a moan, cock still sensitive and hard, ready for you to take it however you please. Straddling him, you grab him lining him up with your pussy. You look at him and at his nod, you start to sit on him. As soon as the tip breaches you, he cums, and he cums hard. “OH SHIT! FUCK, YES! FUCK I’M CUMMING!” He’s practically screaming, but he can’t find it in himself to care, the most intense orgasm of his life coursing through him. 

Hands flying to your hips, he pulls you all the way down, bucking into you with so much force you have to grab the headboard. “ OH FUCKING SHIT!  DON’T FUCKING STOP! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!” It’s not like you could even if you tried, only option to take his assault, and fuck if it doesn’t feel amazing. Your moans almost match his in volume, pussy still trying to adjust to the size of him, balls slapping against your ass. After a few seconds, you already feel his cum being forced out of you to make room for his cock. His cum now all over both of your sexes, his balls, your ass, and the bed.

His orgasm lasts minutes, the amount of cum leaving his cock never slowing down, hips never stop slamming into yours. During his orgasm, you cum too, the sight was so hot you couldn’t help yourself. When your pussy was clenching around him so tight he somehow got louder. Eventually, he orgasm abated and his hips stopped, laying limb on the bed. 

Shame washed over him, at how much he lost himself to his orgasm, how rough he was with you. “I’m so sorry, baby. Please tell me you’re okay. Please tell me I didn’t hurt you.” 

“Fuck, Bucky, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.” Bucky’s eyes widen, not expecting you to be so turned on by his orgasm. His cock was still rock hard inside of you, giving you an idea. “What position do you want to do next?” Bucky almost cums again at those words, he knows what he wants, but is almost embarrassed to ask. However, his cock is thinking for him, washing away his inhibitions.

“Can you ride me?” You just smile and start to pick up your hips but he stops you. “From the back.” You throb at that. He wants to watch your ass bounce on him. 

You pull off, hissing at the empty feeling and turn around. You grab his cum soaked balls and you feel them twitch in your palm. Pulling them up you turn your head to Bucky. “Do me a favor and close your legs for me.” He doesn’t ask a single question and does so immediately. You let his balls fall on top of his legs and put his cock right back in, not waiting a second to start bouncing, grinding your clit on his slick balls at the end of every bounce.

“Oh, fuck. How does your ass move like that, shit. Looks so sexy.” His hands ghost over your cheeks, not knowing what to do with the sight in front of him.

“Smack my ass, baby.” He groans, and lays a light slap to your right cheek. “Harder, Bucky. Leave your mark on me.” His Oh shit is ignored as he slaps you a little harder, still not hard enough, cock pulsing at the sight of your ass bouncing, feeling it move under his hands. “Don’t be a little pussy, baby. Give it a slap like a fucking man.” Maybe it was a little mean, but you needed to feel his hand coming down on you. His near constant moans get louder, clearing enjoying the degradation. The next slap is hard. “Yes, little harder, baby. Fuck! Just like that, keep going. Don’t stop, want your handprints all week.”

He keeps going, smacking you harder each time. His balls rubbing on your clit pull up and he cums once again. This time, though, he pulls out, jerking his cock, cumming all over your ass. “Fucking shit! Wanted me to mark your fucking ass? Well I’m fucking doing it. Cumming so much. Maybe I’ll just stick my dick in your ass and cum in there too.” You don’t know where that came from, but it makes you ride his balls faster, ass jiggling as he continues to cum on it. “That’s so fucking hot, keeping moving that fat ass on me.” You really don’t know where his dirty mouth is coming from but you don’t care because holy hell is it hot.

 Seconds later, Bucky can’t take it anymore and shoves his cock back in your pussy, spreading his legs back out and planting them on the bed so he can fuck up into you. With your ass moving so much with his thrusts, his cum is going everywhere. Bucky lands a hard slap to your cheeks, smacking his cum into them, spreading it all around.

Just like before, he cums for minutes, cum flowing out of your pussy. The entire of both of your hips and your ass and the bed is completely drenched with his cum. When he’s done he pulls you off his cock and spins you around so you’re facing him again. “Baby, my cock is still so fucking hard, I don’t know what to do.” You coo at him, setting your hand against his cheek.

“Don’t worry, baby, I got you.” Instead of slipping his cock back into you, you grind against it, with every roll of your hips his sensitive tip rubs your clit. “Does this feel good, baby?”

“Uh huh, so good.” You see his adam's apple bob and his bottom lip wobble. The feral part of his brain that was fucking you earlier is gone, now your sweet boyfriend is left. He’s not even looking at the way his tip pops out between your folds, no, he’s staring right into your eyes. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against him, every part of your body touching his in some way.

You rest your forehead against his and meet his gaze, tears spilling over and running down the sides of his face. You gently wipe them away but they keep coming. One of his hands goes in between your bodies pushing his cock back inside its home, your warm walls enveloping every inch, both of you gasping. Bucky can’t decide if he wants to keep going or stop, a twinge of pain biting its way up his cock, but you just feel too good. He can’t leave your pussy, needing to cum one last time. The slow grind of your hips never speeds up, gently fucking him, no, making love to him.

Bucky tries to kiss you but the pleasure you’re giving leaves him putty in your hands. The kiss is sloppy and wet, but one of the best kisses you’ve ever had, feeling the words neither of you can get out at the moment. The hairs at the base of his cock rub your clit, building up your final orgasm, Bucky not long behind, trying to hold out for you.

“You’re okay, baby. Want you to cum for me, not far behind.” Any restraint left in Bucky’s body disappears, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he cums for the last time.

“Fuckkk, baby, love you so much, please, I need you to cum for me. Need it so bad.” The slow roll of his tears before shifts to full on sobs, pleasure too much. You pull yourself off his cock, knowing that it’s now too much for him. “No, no, I need you to cum, please.” Your hand trails down your body, fingers rubbing your clit, the sight of you makes Bucky whine, and pull you down into a kiss, where you cum, moaning into his mouth. 

You roll the both of you over, placing Bucky’s head on your chest, lightly scratching his scalp, tracing shapes on his back with your other hand. When his tears subside, Bucky is the first to speak. “Thank you for taking care of me.” 

You feel a lump form in your throat. Of course you would always take care of him. There is nothing that you wouldn’t do for him. “I love you so much, Bucky. I could never hurt you, only want to give you the best in life. After all you’ve done for me, it’s the least I could do.” Bucky doesn’t say anything after that, not knowing what to say, not being used to such unbridled love. 

A few minutes pass before the amount of cum and sweat surrounding you gets uncomfortable. “Come on, baby, lets get cleaned up.” Bucky whines but complies anyway. “Get the shower started for me? I’ll change the bed.” He nods and heads to the shower. You work as fast as you can to get the sheets off and a fresh set on. Still naked you run to the washroom and throw the soiled sheets in the wash and start it before running back to the bathroom. 

Bucky is waiting outside of the shower for you, eyes still red from crying, almost shying away from you. Grabbing his hand you lead him into the hot water. “You did so good for me, Bucky. Made me feel incredible. You know, if that was your first time, I’m going to need help from the gods to handle you when you practice more.” That gets a small smile from him. “Don’t get all bashful on me, big man, after you rocked my world back there.”

“Stop it, baby.” His words hold no heat to them, secretly loving your complements. “You did too, rocked my world, you know? Didn’t know it could feel that good. There isn’t anyone else I would rather do that with.” He’s going to make you cry one of these days, saying all this sweet shit to you, and you know he means every single word of it.

“Yeah? How do you feel? Feel okay? I know that was a lot for you.” He dips his head down when you reach for his shampoo, letting you wash his hair, then grabbing the soap and lathering the wash cloth, running it along his body. At the feeling of your soft hands on his body, taking care of him after he gave himself over to you, Bucky can’t respond, too caught up in your love. “Bucky?” Your hands stop, fearing the worst at his silence.

“Feel so good, baby. I…” Bucky chokes up, tears resurfacing. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. You pull him to you, hugging him until he stops. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I just, you make me feel so safe, I can’t control myself, I just feel, you know?” You know because he makes you feel the same way.

“Yeah, I do, baby, I do.” 

“Can I wash you?” After you took care of him, Bucky wants to do the same for you, never wanting you to feel like he was using you. You nod and Bucky takes extra care to get all of his cum off of you, cleaning you up just like you did to him. By the time you’re done in the shower, the water’s cold. Bucky takes a towel and wraps you up first. Before he can reach for his, you take it and dry him off. 

“What do you want to do now? We can cuddle, get something to eat, watch a movie, whatever you want.” You know how important aftercare is, especially when Bucky was feeling so vulnerable after his first time. 

“Can we just cuddle?” He looks almost scared to ask you for such a simple gesture.

“Of course we can.” Taking your hand, Bucky leads you to the bed, foregoing clothes. You pull the blankets up and let him rest his head on your chest, listening to the beat of your heart and steady breathing. Not too long after you hear his light snoring and know he’s asleep, you following soon after in the arms of the love of your life, excited to experience all of Bucky’s firsts with him, seeing him grow, not only in experience, but also confidence.

[megu-meow]

take my breath - sukuna

Part 4 of my Hockey Player Sukuna Series - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Lmk if you want to be added to the tag list! :D

This part is shit, I'm sorry. After TTPD I found myself unable to write fluff, but I've kept people waiting, so I had to force myself to write this.

When Sukuna says soon, he means the next Thursday. He calls you on Wednesday after practice to ask you formally whether you could keep your schedule open for the next evening and you agree, because you have been waiting for your date for a few days now. However, you find yourself frustratedly trying on every piece of clothing you own, being indecisive about what to wear. You want to look good for him, because as you shyly admitted to your brother, you really like Sukuna. He's rough around the edges, but he seems like a good guy, unlike all the other people you've dated before. You contemplate calling one of the girls, but Senna and Akane love to gossip, and for the time being, you'd like to keep this little date with Sukuna a secret. So you call the only person you can trust in this situation.

Sophia arrives ten minutes after calling her saying you need help getting dressed for a date. She's the only one of the girls who knows that you have something going on with Sukuna, it makes total sense to reach out to her in your current circumstance. You already made her swear on your brother's life that she's not going to say anything about it to the girls, so you're safe in that regard. Plus, she has a keen sense of style, which comes in handy considering you want to impress the pink-haired centerman with your looks. You noticed already how many pretty girls were wearing his jersey to games, you know that he could have any of them at his disposal in a second. It still seems sketchy that he became so fond of you in such a short period of time, but you're not complaining.

"He was so nervous when I left, Kento thought he was going to explode." Sophia says as you try to put socks on, balancing on one foot.

"Who was?" you look at her and you nearly kiss the ground, regaining your balance at the last second.

"Sukuna, of course. He's been pacing around the apartment like a maniac all day."

"Really?" you ask timidly.

"Yeah. Kento said he had never seen him so stressed." for some reason hearing this makes you smile and your heart warm. Sukuna doesn't strike you as someone who would be nervous about dates, but you already learned not to assume anything about him, because he always surprises you with the way he acts.

"I'm kinda nervous too. I want this to go well." you explain and you try to put your earrings in. As you look at yourself in the mirror, wearing the outfit your sister-in-law put together, you're content with your reflection. You look amazing and you feel confident in the pieces you're wearing. Your makeup and hair are done in your usual way, you don't want to look like a completely different person. Apparently, Sukuna agrees that you look good. Because the moment you open your door for him, he freezes in place, with his eyes wide and glimmering. For a second you think something is wrong, but those thoughts are quickly dismissed as he speaks.

"You look beautiful, y/n." he states, his voice softer than you've ever heard. He is wearing a burgundy suit, one that complements his skin tone. His hair is sleeked back, but it still looks effortless in a way. You can smell his usual cologne, the musky scent that lingers. It suits him.

"Says you, handsome." you compliment him back and you swear a blush appears on his cheek. Suddenly, he remembers something, and he gives you the flowers he was hiding behind his back all this time. "Thank you! What happened to all flowers are stupid?" you ask as you smell the peonies in your hand.

"Well I got you some sunflowers, but your brother told me I was insane, so he dragged me to a florist to get 'ones that girls actually like'." he explains.

"He's right, you know? You made me wait four days for this date, the least you can do is give me some girly flowers." you joke and he rolls his eyes. Nonetheless, he reaches out for your hand. You slip it in his palm, which is calloused from holding a hockey stick most hours of a day, but very warm.

"Listen, woman, I made you wait because I wanted to take you to a 3 Michelin Star restaurant that specializes in your favorite food." he explains as he opens the door of his car for you to hop in.

"What?" you ask in shock before he closes the door after you. He leans down, looking into your eyes with a smirk across his face.

"You heard me, y/n. Now, don't be so shocked, I told you I would go all out for our date."

"You didn't have to though. You could have taken me to a hole-in-the-wall ramen place and I would have liked it." you say, slightly feeling bad "How did you manage to get a table anyway? These places are booked months ahead."

"The owner is a huge Wizards fan and apparently I'm his kid's favorite player. I had the team sign a jersey and got them season tickets, so they were glad to do me a small favor in return." he explains like it is nothing, but it means the world to you. No one has ever done something so grand for a date with you. It makes your heartbeat go nuts and you can't help but stare at him as he drives. You observe his tattooed hand that is on the armrest, shaking slightly. You smile and instinctively take it in yours, laying your intertwined hands in your lap. He turns his head towards you in shock, but he quickly looks back to the road. The blush from before returns, even his neck turns pink, and you smile, adoring his reactions.

The dinner goes by fast, despite lasting for hours. The food is exquisite, as expected. Most importantly, there's not one dull moment. You and Sukuna talk like you've known each other your whole lives. He asks about your interests, what you like to do in your free time, where you went to school, and about your friends. He seems interested in everything you talk about, he listens with an intensity you find rare. He drinks up every single word that leaves your mouth, he asks questions, and he's genuinely curious about how you perceive the world. You ask him plenty of questions yourself and he answers them gladly. He seems very fond of his brothers, he shows you pictures of them and you observe how Yuji has the same color hair as him and Choso has a very similar line tattooed on his nose as Sukuna's.

"They're coming to town soon, by the way." he comments and your eyes light up.

"How come?"

"It's Yuji's draft year and it's held here in Tokyo. Choso just tags along because he clings to that brat like a leech."

"That's so rude!" you exclaim, but you're smiling. You're aware that Sukuna probably shows his love towards his brothers a little bit peculiarly.

"Well, it's true."

"Do you see a chance of Yuji being drafted by the wizards?" you ask.

"Not really. He is prospected to be in the top three of the draft and we are clinching the playoffs this next game as number one in the league. We probably won't have a pick in the top ten."

"I'm sorry to hear that. It would have been cool for him to have you on the team he's drafted to."

"I don't think so. If I'm being honest, I'm glad there is little to no chance for that to happen as of now."

"Why is that?"

"He won't have a target on his back. Otherwise, people would be mean to him and would rough him up with the sole purpose of pissing me off. This way he can become a professional player without being concussed every game."

"You're very protective of your brothers, huh?" you ask and he smiles.

"You could say that." he smirks "I'm protective of everything I own, you know." he adds looking into your eyes deeply. You know there is a deeper meaning behind his words. He's implying that he would be just as safeguarding about you if you were his girlfriend. You find it hard to believe that a guy like him exists. He is so charming but respectful. He is attentive, you mentioned one time what your favorite food was and he remembered, moreover, he went out of his way to get you the best version available of it.

"Where were you my whole life?" you ask, not realizing that you blurted out your thoughts just like that. You feel embarrassed as your hands fly to your runny mouth, covering it. However, Sukuna just laughs. He rarely laughs like this. It comes deep from within, the type that shakes your whole body and you're sure you're red like a lobster as you observe him.

"Sweetheart, I've been asking that question about you since December." he answers, his charming smile never fading.

"December?" you question.

"Oh, I thought your brother told you about that too." he seems shocked, but he continues "I've spotted you in the crowd at the Family Game in Kyoto. I was mesmerized, I even ran into one of my teammates on accident, I was too preoccupied with looking at the angel in the Wizards jersey."

"Oh, I remember that. I was laughing about that with Akane." you recall and Sukuna frowns "So you've had your eyes sat on me since then?"

"Well, I didn't know I was going to meet you on my first day in Tokyo while I was shirtless, but destiny has its way, I guess."

"You believe we were destined to meet?"

"I told you before, sweetheart, I am superstitious. Take that as you want, but I do think we are here having dinner for a reason." he explains.

Your date ends when the restaurant staff asks you nicely to leave because they've been closed for two hours already. You didn't even realize that all the other customers had left and the staff was ready to close. Sukuna pays for the bill and he sends you a death glare when you offer to pay for your part. "Woman, you won't have to pay for anything while you are out with me." he states, irritation evident in his tone. He also drives you home and walks you to your door. You're wearing his suit jacket, because you were a bit cold, although he turned the heater on in the car.

"Thank you for tonight! I had a lot of fun." you smile up at him, as you're trying to say goodbye on your doorstep.

"There is nothing to be thankful for, you got what you deserve, princess." he says and he seems a little bit disappointed, but you're not able to determine why. Maybe the date didn't go as well in his perspective as you thought.

"Is something wrong? Did I say something to offend you?" you ask in panic and he quickly shakes his head, dismissing it. Suddenly the redness returns to hiss tattooed cheeks and he suddenly seems nervous.

"I just thought I deserved a kiss after that." he whispers shyly, his face down, gaze locked on the tip of his shoes.

It's your turn to laugh at his awkwardness, but you still cup his cheeks in your hands and pull him in for a kiss. You don't quite understand where all this fearlessness came into you from, but you're glad it did because the kiss is magical. It's soft but eager and you can feel him smiling into it as his large hands find their destined spot in your hips. You're the one to break the kiss, but Sukuna pulls you in closer, resting his forehead on yours, and looking deeply into your eyes. His smile reaches his ears and he whispers to you softly:

"I hate to break it to you princess, but I don't think I can go on with my life without doing that every day."

You smile, and respond with a smile just as wide as his "Good, because I don't think I can either."

The next day is game day and you arrive at your brother's apartment beforehand. You usually drive with them to the arena. Sukuna emerges from his room in his game-day suit, his eyes glowing up the moment he sees you there.

"We're gonna be down at the car, Bambi." Sophia says as she and Kento leave in a hurry.

Sukuna steps closer to you, embracing you, his muscular arms around your shoulders.

"Hello, princess! How are you?"

"I'm great, Sukuna. Thank you for asking! How are you?"

"Better now that I know you're coming to the game to cheer me on." you smile, stepping away from the embrace, and you look into his eyes. "Are you gonna give me a good luck kiss or what?"

You're surprised by his boldness, but you leave a peck on his lips nonetheless.

"If I do good today, you're gonna have to do that before every game." he states.

"Alright. You've got yourself a deal." you smile and you urge him out the door, before your brother and his wife could start thinking that you're doing something inappropriate in their home.

Good does not describe the way Sukuna plays that night. He has one of the best games of his life and after the first goal, as his celebration, he looks towards where you're standing and points at you with a wide smile on his face. This is your sign that from now on, you're gonna have to keep your promise of giving him a good luck kiss before every game.

🩵 Tag list: @ichorstainedskin @ureuphoriasworld @new-weather47 @deepchromatose @cvr2mya @janrcrosssing @bakuhoes-bxtch @deluluforcarlos55 @stainednailpolishremover @thejujvtsupost @bleachisfood @dorck26 @chilichopsticks @when-worlds-end 🩵

[englishsub]

fic writer meme!

i was tagged by @microcomets and @cairoscene :) thank you friendz

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

22, which is both more and less than i expected.

2. what's your total ao3 wordcount?

529,320

3. what fandoms do you write for?

i've branched out in recent years; like my fellow taggers, i write for fewer fandoms that i'm in. food takes ages to cook and even longer to actually commit to. i started with mdzs/cql and tgcf before moving to shl/tyk, though now i mostly write trigun and video game fic.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

爱不释手; never let me go

总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near)

花无百日红; the flower that withers

在此恭迎夷陵老祖; to yiling laozu, the great and venerable

蓝色生死恋; a blue love (to live and to die for)

me 🤝 cair wangxian monopoly

5. do you respond to comments?

not usually - if the comment jumps out in some way or asks a question about podficcing i might, but i generally don't. i read every single one and hold them close to my heart, though.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

LOL it's an open ending but the implications are pretty clear - 美丽的日子; beautiful days

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them end happy, except when they don't :)

8. do you get hate on fics?

not really. i did for a stint back in 2021 when that anon was going around but it was honestly very funny for me.

9. do you write smut?

sometimes.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you have written?

just the one time, not usually. it was a threadfic - a mdzs/tgcf crossover where wwx was raised by hualian instead of the jiangs.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeah. the good ole ctrl+f+replace of names. i remember they even stole my author's note. i'd said something to the effect of "i have to go study..." (i was in high school) and they added "which i didn't even end up doing..."

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes and i think fic translation is so cool!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope.

14. what's your all time favorite ship?

EVER?

pirates of the caribbean will/elizabeth.

but it's honestly a rotating rotisserie throughout life of my fav ships depending on what i'm hungry for at a given moment. it's 2024 and i'm back in ff7 hell, for instance.

15. what is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

歃血; blood oath, and it pains me deeply to admit. not because i have any measure of anxiety about returning to it, or feel any pressure, but because it genuinely had one of my favorite premises and setups, was super gory and horrific, and i'd packed in every crazy trope i love into the outline. i was really excited about. then the fandom imploded and i can't look at it anymore.

she's my white whale. i'd finish it for @megafaunatic alone.

16. what are your writing strengths?

atmosphere. payoff. saying things are like other things. i understand this is annoying for some people though, which is fair.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i put off every single sex scene in a fic until i had written everything else, such that i had to sit and write 10,000 words, spread across three scenes, of sex. worst week of my life.

internal logic, because i think it's so obvious in my head that i forget to explain it in words on the page.

i think i always can improve on character voice. that's an eternal work in progress.

18. thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

it's cool. probably good to consult a native speaker if writer of the fic doesn't speak it, though?

19. first fandom you wrote for?

christ. harry potter, by hand, in pencil, in an a5 notebook.

20. favorite fic you have written?

recency bias compels me to say by the time the apocalypse began, because i worked my ass and head off for it, and i ended up really happy with how it turned out. sci-fi's not really my wheelhouse.

i have a huge soft spot for my clj arranged marriage fic, 双命; twin fates, because i had such a blast writing it. and 总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) will always be special to me, because it was like taking a huge, glittering, orgasmic shit.

i believe quite a few people have already been cross-tagged but i will tag you guys again for fun: @yuebings @cafecliche @dcyiyou @vinelark @floofyfluff @ziusik

[thecouchsofa]

2023 ao3 wrapped / fic review / whatever else I'm putting here

@oflights, the human, the myth, the legend, has made me go look at my stats and now you have to look at them too. Tagging @jtimu @elskanellis @sillywives @sleepstxtic @maesterchill @peachydreamxx @hoko-onchi-writes @starquestingfordrarry @rainstormradish @apricitydays-lazynights @annanother-thing @uncannycerulean @drarrymyheart @mallstars so they can also feel this sweet, sweet pain (if they want).

First up, some stats!

Fics posted: 7 public, 1 currently hidden, 1 awaiting submission date + 3 tumblr microfics

Fics started (and maybe finished): 18 + 3 tumblr microfics

Word count of fics posted: 414,013

Total word count written: 513,953

Sorry, but what the actual fuck do you mean I've written over 500k words since April? Put me in restraints, truly.

My favourite fic I wrote this year: The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls

My most kudos'd fic of this year: Driving me crazy (but I'm into it)

I've also read, like, a fucking horrendous amount of fics this year. More than I think I read back when I was deep in the One Direction trenches as a teen. Getting back into writing has given me a fresh appreciation for everyone's work; it's so fucking hard to write well and everyone who puts themselves out there and does that gets an online hug from me.

After Erised reveals I'll be posting a ridiculously long list of my favourite fics that were posted in 2023. It is ... exhaustive. I should probably be embarrassed by how long it is.

But without further ado, a recap of my fics from this year.

May

Driving me crazy (but I'm into it) (8k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco’s fucked a lot of people. He’s fucked models, Quidditch players, members of the Wizengamot, even a Muggle actor, but none of them come quite as prettily as Harry Potter.

September

A Walk in the Woods (48k, E) (Draco/Harry)

After ending up in the Spell Damage Ward at St Mungo’s, Harry is put on mandatory holiday leave.

The catch: he has to spend it with Malfoy at his cottage deep in the woods. Harry has no idea why Malfoy agreed to host him, considering he avoided ever being alone in a room with Harry before he left for his sabbatical a year ago.

To complicate things, Harry’s enormous longstanding crush hasn’t waned at all in Malfoy’s absence.

For: HP Cottagecore Fest

The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls (256k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Harry doesn’t know how to cope after the War. The only things that make him feel even remotely normal again are taking risks while flying and fighting with Malfoy. It’s not likely to end well.

Or,

Draco becomes obsessed with ‘Wonderwall’, reads Muggle books, and drives a campervan, while Harry slowly falls in love with Draco. A story about travelling around the British Isles in the late 90s while healing deep scars.

October

Capillaries (3.6k, M) (Draco/Harry)

Draco’s Sectumsempra scars have never fully healed. He says that it’s not Harry’s fault, that he doesn’t blame him for it. Harry hears him, but he’s not sure that he believes it.

Evergreen (23k, T) (Harry/George)

“You’d better hurry up, mate, or all the good ones will have gone.” Fred leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly thinking that he’d now exceeded his allowance of brotherly wisdom for the day.

“Who are you going with then?” Harry asked suddenly. He looked between Fred and George, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Harry asks George to the Yule Ball because it’ll be a laugh and he’s in dire need of one of those. If George can continue to keep his crush under wraps it should all go swimmingly.

For: HP Rarepair Fest IV

Celestial (paint me like one of your starscapes) (30k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco needs a partner for an art project. The only catch is, they have to be magically compatible with him for the paints to work properly. He’s fairly certain that he knows who his partner will need to be, he’s just not sure that he wants to admit it.

For: H/D Sudsfest Lite 2023

November

November Flush (5k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco Malfoy might be an absolute raging arsehole, but he gives Harry exactly what he needs.

Microfics (all Draco/Harry)

From one to another, for the prompt 'follow': tumblr link

Til resentment do us part, for the prompt 'keep': tumblr link

Satiate, for the prompt 'indulge': tumblr link

Thoughts / feeling / goals for next year

Pride, slight embarrassment, love, appreciation.

For the coming year I'm excited to get stuck into writing even more. I've got so many ideas that I'm excited to work through and a fantastic community to do that with. I will need to be bullied into not signing up for more fests in the new year, so please give me a nudge if my blogging starts to look stressed. Also never be nervous to send me a message about random shit if you're on the fence!

If you have read this far, have read even a single sentence I've written this year, or have thought my Squirtle pic looks cool, I love you, I appreciate you, and I support you.

The motto for 2024? Bedcurtains. One word, not two.

Thanks for being here! ❤️

[respectthepetty]

Bed Friend Ep. 6 - Asks & Answers

I got a good number of asks about this episode AFTER I said last week that I was going to stop writing about the colors in it, so thank you gentle people for making me a LIAR! @negrowhat, @slayerkitty, @sliceduplife, @akkrosu, @wen-kexing-apologist. You already know it's going to be long, so skim for your tag in the post.

Thoughts Before I Begin:

Not only did Uea move his head like a cat, he kept his hands in a paw position (didn't open them), so someone on that set did their homework about pet play.

King is still the best boy BUT a flaw is beginning to surface.

King doesn't push the conversation with Uea in the stairway because he respects the boundaries Uea has put in place. King might toe the line occasionally, but during that conversation, he never retorts. He keeps making different suggestions (a beach trip this weekend, spending the night at his house, staying late for Uea), but he never forces the conversation. He reads that Uea is putting in place hard no's, so, as much as I wanted him to argue back, King wouldn't because he is the BEST BOY.

But his flaw, which continues to show up, is jealously. He has shown it with Gun and el gringo at the beach, and admitted to it in the past, but last week, he accused Uea of being around Krit intentionally, and next week, we see him do it again. I doubt this would happen if Uea and King were in an actual relationship. King knows Uea is attractive and he likes that, but not being able to publicly claim Uea as is (not possession nor ownership, but an understanding of their commitment to each other) is making King lash out in ways I don't think he normally would since these outbursts are becoming more heated.

Now to the COLORS:

*I'm not writing about Krit wearing pops of blue because he is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. Do not trust him. He is a fugly slut.

Group Assignment

I've mentioned that group color coding is purposeful. This show has told us the office does this to align to the day's color, and I've noted that we should also focus on the person who doesn't cooperate with the color coding, which has been King, and he has been called out for it.

The group's colors this episode were black and white. On the first day, King is wearing black, the color he is known for (and that drives me crazy). The second day, he wears blue, which is odd since previously he was called out for wearing black when he should have worn blue. Black is his default color, so why not wear it like any other day? He is out of alignment, while Uea aligns both day. *put a pin in it*

Uea

@sparklyeyedhimbo posted Uea's outfits from episode six, and mentioned Uea becoming more muted in his color (red) as the episode progressed. Let me add to this - Most of Uea's outfits have pearl accessories. Pearls symbolize enlightenment and protection because the precious gem is enclosed by a hard shell that has to be pried open and it's unknown if the shell has a gem inside until it's opened. *This has not happened before in the show. I did my research.

Episode six starts where episode five ended, with Uea in red and King in blue.

They have amazing pet play-themed sex, which pushes King to almost put a ring on it the next day, but he hesitates instead offering a beach trip since Uea mentioned loving the beach on the office trip. And just like that, @slayerkitty, Uea is in King's blue, trying to make Purple Pair happen (the lines on the sweater).

But after King dashes Uea's hopes, Uea attempts to get back to his color, yet is struggling and lands on a pink-ish sweater.

However, he ends the episode in blue. Jade is wearing tan. King is wearing black (don't worry, I'm getting to him). Gun seems to be wearing gray. This is a choose-your-own-adventure day, yet Uea decided blue was his adventure, and it's King.

Uea is planning to resign. Remember, King told him this was something he could do before they spoke about the beach trip. Uea is taking King's advice as he is realizing his feelings for King. Next week, we see him in a muted red shirt arguing with King. Then, he shows up in black, white, and yellow (that fake happiness!) to his childhood home.

Uea is struggling to get back to his red because his feelings and color now belong to someone else...

King

To my great annoyance, King wears black, often, yet this episode, he Missy Elliot-ed his wardrobe and flipped it and reversed it. He began the episode in the blue, and (unknowingly) participated in a group color day in black, but got right back to the blue. King is trying to prove that he can be the loyal and stable Blue Boy that Uea needs and his choice in color reinforces that. But he fucks up, @negrowhat.

As I mentioned in my stray thoughts, King doesn't push Uea because he is cautious and respects Uea, but Uea will place barriers and boundaries any time he feels out of control. King has been working hard to get Uea to open up so he can see the pearl inside, but Uea is always ready to clam back up. *pun intended*

King, in his blue, wants to be loyal to Uea, but Uea can't bring himself to breach this topic. King tried talking to Uea directly in the restaurant and indirectly in the office about the date his mom arranged, but Uea, both times, avoided the conversation. Uea continues to lose his color the more he gets lost in his feelings, but a barrier comes up between them (the window's mullion seen above).

And although the door is still open (literally and figuratively), the barrier gets bigger as a wall now separates them. @wen-kexing-apologist mentioned that glass is usually seen surrounding Uea when he struggles to hide his emotions, which is why Uea needs solid barriers between them to hide his feelings.

I've written about reflections showing truth because mirrors (and glass) represent transparency of emotions which causes, as Ron Burgundy would scream, Uea to be in "a glass case of emotions" when he can't hide behind a wall (literally and figuratively).

But King doesn't want Uea to hide, so he tries to make it right with Uea, to the point that he video calls Uea while his mom is still in his house! (This man is wild!) King has only worn Uea's red once before on the office beach trip, but here, red has a grip on King's throat with a red pillow standing in for where he wishes Uea was - right by his side.

Yet Uea is having none of it, and shuts King down as soon as he hears King's mom leaving King strangled by the red with his blue showing through the curtain (as mentioned by @akkrosu). King is trying to shine his blue light for Uea, but is being shut out. So he tries again.

The next day at work, it's a black-and-white group color day, which King would normally unknowingly ace, but King being on his say-no-to-group-projects-because-King-is-a-free-elf agenda wears BLUE.

He tries again to talk to Uea to prove his loyalty and to get Uea to notice his blue shirt made out of the finest boyfriend material, but as my nice bread crumbs throughout this post have outlined, Uea is throwing barriers, clamming up, and trying to get off the glass (case of emotions). Uea won't even look at King.

When he does, the window barrier is back in place separating their spaces.

A barrier of light pops up. Uea stays in the light (remember, he is afraid of the dark), and King, normally in black is dark. King doesn't cross any of the boundaries, because HE NEVER DOES. That's the downfall of this Best Boy.

Uea is the one to walk past the boundaries he has placed during the discussion, so he can go back to work, but he lingers giving time for King to reach out, but once again, King would never cross a line that Uea has drawn, mostly when Uea has stated in black-and-white (figuratively and literally; he is wearing black and white as pointed out by @sliceduplife because he doesn't want to stick out from the group) the consequences of such a transgression.

Blue Boy Bullshit

I wrote I wouldn't mention Krit, but y'all have already proven I'm a liar when it comes to not writing about the colors. But I only have one observation to scream, and it's more about King -

King better pick up that blue a lot more after next week, because he cannot be in the same black boat as these two bastards.

[keerysquinn]

Wherever You Point To I’ll Find ~ Steve Harrington x Chrissy Cunningham

Nobody expected a budding romance between Steve and Chrissy when they were invited on this graduation road trip. But, as the two spend more and more time together away from the pressures their families, they just might find that they’re the perfect match.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: modern au, road trip, mutual pining, fluff, angst, discussion of mental health and body issues, eventual smut, adult themes and swearing throughout

Word Count: 12.3k

A/N: It's been far too long since I've updated this story, so thank you all for your patience with me. Specifically, thank you to @quinnkeerys for reassuring me about my writing abilities when I was feeling down about the lack of interest in my writing and encouraging me to keep writing. This is their story as much as it is mine, and I'm so excited for you all to see what's going to happen next.

Chrissy woke up cuddling with the gator plushie that Steve had gifted her the day before. She was still having trouble believing that that had actually happened. She hadn’t even realized that he’d seen her considering it before deciding that her parents would think it was a waste of money if she bought herself any more cuddly toys. They barely tolerated her attachment to her Fozzie Bear plushie and regularly told her that she was too old to rely on a stuffed animal for comfort.

Steve hadn’t known any of that though. He’d just seen her smiling at it and bought it for her without her noticing. This, of course, only brought up more questions that Chrissy just didn’t have the answers to. Jason had very rarely bought her any sort of surprise gift, and the few gifts he gave her tended to be more for show - a pendant with his initials, his letterman jacket - things that were meant to scream that Chrissy was his and only his even when he wasn’t around to act overly possessive of her. He’d certainly never given her a stuffed animal just because. So, what did it mean that Steve was surprising her with a gift when he barely knew her?

Of course, she had an inkling that Steve was maybe flirting with her. It felt obvious after the conversation they’d had the night before. He'd kept her pictures because he was jealous of hypothetical men that she hadn’t even met yet. That had to mean that he was at least a little bit interested in her. And she was definitely a little bit interested in him. She just didn’t know if she was ready to jump into something right now. She was going to be going off to college soon, and the idea of starting something new when she was about to be in a big transitional period of her life scared her more than she was willing to admit. She liked the idea of putting Hawkins behind her and starting fresh without anything holding her back.

But then she thought about the way Steve looked at her when he told her she was beautiful, and the idea of being tied to something in Hawkins didn't sound so bad.

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?" Chrissy asked as she leaned up against the open bathroom door. Nancy was already up and ready for the day, and she was just putting the finishing touches on her makeup.

"Depends on the question, but go ahead."

"Was Steve a good boyfriend when you dated him?"

"I wouldn't have stayed friends with him, and I definitely wouldn't have come on this trip with him if he hadn't been."

"But did he include you in things? Like, did he invite you to parties with the basketball team and actually talk to you during them? Did you feel like he really wanted you there?"

"I mean, I didn't exactly want to go to most of those parties, but I was always invited, and he always made sure I felt included in the conversation when I did go. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Just curious, I guess."

Nancy glanced over at Chrissy who was staring down at the bathroom floor and seemed entirely too invested in the tile pattern. She could pretend she didn't know why Chrissy was asking her about Steve all she wanted, but the answer was obvious: Chrissy was into him, and she was trying to figure out if being into him was a good thing or not.

That wasn't what stuck with her the most though. It was the way that Chrissy seemed nervous whenever she spoke. It was like she was afraid of what Nancy was going to tell her, and that's when everything clicked for her.

She'd always known that Jason wasn't exactly great to Chrissy. Eddie had complained about him and his treatment of her enough that Nancy was well-versed with how horrible he was even if she didn't know the full story.

There had been some overlap between her relationship with Steve and Chrissy's relationship with Jason, and she couldn't remember seeing her at any of the team parties she went to. She couldn't count the number of times where Eddie had told her that he was hanging out with Chrissy or that she was joining them for a movie night because Jason had ditched her or told her that none of the guys from the team were bringing their girls to the party, so it would be best if she stayed home. Nancy had never given it much thought at the time, but this had clearly had a lasting negative effect on Chrissy. She wondered what else had stayed with her, but she didn’t think it was her place to pry.

Maybe it was a little presumptuous of her, but if Chrissy was asking these questions about Steve, Nancy couldn't help but think it was because she'd been right about something starting between the two of them. And, if that was the case, she knew that Chrissy was probably just making sure that she wasn't getting into a relationship with another asshole jock who wouldn't treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

"You know, Steve's a really great guy," Nancy said as she set down the mascara that she'd just finished applying and turned to face Chrissy. "Even when he's pursuing someone that he's so clearly wrong for - like me - he has this way of making you feel so special. Like you're the most important person in every situation. I never felt left out or like I wasn't wanted when we were together, and if I had, he would have done everything in his power to let me know I was the only person he cared about. You could do a lot worse than Steve Harrington."

"Oh, I'm not trying to be with him or anything like that," Chrissy insisted. "I was just curious is all."

"If that's what you need to tell yourself to finish this road trip with him, then I'll let you keep believing that. But that blush of yours is telling me an entirely different story." Nancy moved to exit the bathroom.

"Bathroom's all yours," she said. "We're supposed to be down at breakfast in about twenty minutes and we wouldn't want to keep Eddie and a certain someone that you totally aren't interested in waiting."

After that, Chrissy found herself rushing through her morning routine. She was so embarrassed that Nancy had seen right through her, but she was eager to spend more time with Steve. Everything was telling her that she could trust him with her heart, but she wanted to get to know him a little better before she did anything about this crush. No amount of reassurances from Nancy about how great of a guy he was could change the fact that she barely knew him. She had to figure out if she was actually interested in him or if she was just enjoying the attention he was giving her.

She had almost decided what she wanted to talk to him about when Nancy approached him and held out her hand.

"Keys, please," she requested. "I'm driving."

"Why?"

"Because you look exhausted, and I'm perfectly capable of driving us for a couple hours. You can sit in the back and try to get some more sleep."

Steve reluctantly handed over his keys. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Nancy's offer. He'd slept terribly the night before - probably from the guilt about making Chrissy feel bad about herself even though he’d apologized and attempted to make things right - and he really could use the extra rest. It was just that he'd never been able to comfortably sleep in the car, so he knew he wasn't actually going to sleep in the back, and he much preferred driving to being a passenger anyway.

He tried to make himself comfortable in the backseat, but there was a moment where Nancy hit a speed bump, and he was soon grimacing as his head thumped against the side of the car.

"Are you okay?" Chrissy asked.

"I have a hard time sleeping in cars if I have to sit up. It's okay though. I promise I'm fine."

"You can lay down if you want to. I mean, I wouldn't mind if you used me as a pillow."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"If you're comfortable, I'm comfortable," she told him.

They shared a small smile before Steve moved to curl up on the seat with his head resting against Chrissy's thigh. As soon as he was comfortable, Chrissy threaded her fingers through his hair and started lightly scritching at his scalp.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

"Mmhmm. Feels nice," he replied as he started to melt under her touch.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“Never.”

Chrissy wasn’t sure how long it took Steve to fall asleep, but the second Eddie noticed the soft snores coming from the backseat, he turned around to talk to her.

“You’re looking awfully cozy back there,” he said with a knowing smirk.

Chrissy shushed him before looking down at Steve to make sure he hadn’t woken up.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She did her best to speak softly. She didn’t know if he was a light sleeper or not, and she didn’t want to risk waking him up so soon after he’d finally started to rest.

“You know, if you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re not interested in him, playing with his hair while he sleeps isn’t gonna do it for you.”

“I will repeat: I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is a purely platonic gesture, thank you very much.”

“Uh huh. Sure. Because everyone thinks that head scritches are the most platonic of platonic gestures.”

“Is this you confessing that you’re secretly in love with me?” Chrissy asked, trying to do whatever she could to change the subject. “Because I seem to recall you giving me head scritches when I stayed over after Jason - well, you know.”

“That was a completely different situation, and you know it.”

“Sure. That’s just what you want us to think. How can you openly admit that you’re interested in another girl right in front of your girlfriend? Don’t you have any common decency?”

“Yeah, Eddie,” Nancy continued with the teasing. “How could you do this to me? I thought we had something special? And I thought she was your sister? How messed up is that?”

“If I didn’t think it would wake up Steve, I’d start playing ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ right now.”

“Deciding that you two should be friends is maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.” Eddie slumped down in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest.

Chrissy covered her mouth with her free hand to keep her giggles from spilling out. She was trying to contain her laughter as much as possible because she didn’t want to be the one to accidentally wake Steve.

"Since we're on the topic of crushes," Nancy started after they'd had a moment to calm down. "Chrissy, did I ever tell you that Eddie has the biggest crush on Taika Waititi."

"No, he does not!"

"Oh, but he does. We had to stop watching ‘Our Flag Means Death’ because his bi panic was too intense."

"I just don't know if I want to be him or be on him, okay? He's weirdly hot as Blackbeard, and I was not mentally prepared for that."

"You wore your bandana on your head for a week trying to emulate him," Nancy teased.

"That's why you did that?" Chrissy asked through her giggles.

"I was unaware that my girlfriend and my best friend actually hate me and only keep me around to make fun of me, and I don't think I'll ever recover," Eddie pouted. "Also, Nancy has a crush on Aubrey Plaza. Tease her now."

"Nice try, but I'm not embarrassed by that."

"What about Chrissy's most embarrassing crush then?" Eddie asked.

"Hey! You've been sworn to secrecy on that!"

“Well, if we’re all talking about our embarrassing crushes, it’s only fair that we talk about yours, too. And yours ties in perfectly with Nancy’s. In fact, you could experience your crushes together if you really wanted to.”

“We could?” Nancy asked.

She was going to strangle him. The only upside to this situation was that at least Steve was still asleep, and he wasn’t going to be an audience to her embarrassment.

“Why’d you stop?” Steve asked, startling Chrissy and making her realize that she’d stopped giving him head scritches in her urgency to stop Eddie from talking.

So much for that positive.

“So needy,” she said with a small smile. “Did you really wake up the second I stopped?”

“Maybe,” he replied. “It just felt really nice is all.”

Before Chrissy had a chance to respond, Eddie piped up from the front seat again.

“Welcome to the party, Steve,” he said. “The girls seemed dead set on discussing my most embarrassing celebrity crush, so now we’re talking about Chrissy’s.”

“No, we most certainly are not,” Chrissy protested. “And you’re breaking the best friend code by bringing it up.”

“I’m only bringing it up because you and Nancy were bullying me first. I’m the real victim here, Steve.”

“Can it really be considered bullying if we’re doing it because we love you?” Nancy asked.

Steve moved to sit up, and Chrissy missed the weight of his head in her lap immediately.

“Depends on how embarrassing the crush is,” he said as he re-buckled his seatbelt.

“Eddie’s is Taika Waititi, and mine is Aubrey Plaza,” Nancy replied. “But I’m not embarrassed about it the way Eddie is.”

“Fair enough.” Steve turned to face Chrissy. “You don’t have to say it if you really don’t want to, but I’ll tell you my most embarrassing one if you tell me yours.”

“I don’t know. What if your crush isn’t even that bad? It’s probably something really basic like Ryan Reynolds or Margot Robbie,” she teased.

“Why would he be embarrassed by that?” Eddie asked. “Everyone has a crush on Ryan Reynolds.”

“Even you?” Nancy asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“No comment. Besides, we’ve moved on to Chrissy and Steve now. Leave me out of this.”

"Two words: Chris Motionless."

"That doesn't even count because you like him, too. And Ricky. And probably Vinny too if it wouldn't send Gareth into a panic thinking he'd have to fight you for his affection."

“I promise it’s not basic,” Steve told Chrissy, ignoring whatever was going on with Nancy and Eddie teasing each other in the front seat.

“You have to go first, and then I’ll decide if it’s juicy enough for me to tell you mine.”

“No way. If I tell you mine, you have to tell me yours. That’s the deal.”

He held out his hand, and Chrissy hesitantly gripped it and shook.

“Deal. But you still have to go first,” she said, not letting go of his hand just yet.

“Laura Dern."

"The mom from Little Women?"

"I mean, I was thinking of her as Dr. Ellie Sattler in Jurassic Park, but yes. Now yours."

"I can't," Chrissy said, shaking her head. "Yours was nowhere near as embarrassing as mine."

"That wasn't the deal."

Chrissy started to pull her hand away, but Steve tightened his grip and gave her hand a small squeeze.

"Nope. You went back on our deal, so this hand is mine until you tell me."

"I guess you're just gonna have to hold my hand all day then."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

Chrissy didn't have time to react to Steve's blatant flirting because Eddie had turned around in his seat again.

"She has a crush on Sonic the Hedgehog," he said with a grin that rivaled the Cheshire Cat.

"I do not!" Chrissy could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She was past strangling him. He was getting thrown from a moving vehicle now.

"That's not what you told me."

"I don't have a crush on Sonic," she said as she stared down at her hands - one of which was still in Steve's grasp. "I have a crush on the guy who voices Sonic. There's a difference. I just really like his character on Parks and Rec is all. He's funny and cute."

"Why is that so embarrassing?" Steve asked.

"I don't know. It just is."

That was a lie. She knew why. She just didn't want to admit it out loud. Like so many other things that made her feel bad about herself, this all stemmed from her relationship with Jason. Every time she showed an inkling of attraction towards anyone in anything they watched together, she was made to feel like she was weird for finding that person attractive, or there were subtle digs about how silly it was to pretend she had a chance with someone like that. It broke her to the point where she didn't feel comfortable joking around about celebrity crushes the way that her friends did, and she didn't know if that would ever change.

"Well, I don't think it is," Steve reassured her. "I mean, I don't really know who that guy is, but c'mon. Funny and cute? He's gotta be the total package, and I say this as someone who is also obviously funny and cute."

"You are? Since when?" Chrissy teased.

“Since always,” he teased right back. “Haven’t you noticed?”

Chrissy could feel her cheeks heating up again because of course she had. She would have to be blind not to have noticed, but that wasn’t exactly something she was ready to say out loud just yet.

“Can I have my hand back now please?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, technically, Eddie told me and not you, so you didn’t fulfill your half of the deal which means I think you’re just gonna have to hold my hand until we’re done at the museum later.”

“Oh no. My worst nightmare,” she said through her giggles.

And Steve stayed true to his word. The second they got out of the car to stop for lunch, he was jogging around to her side and holding out his hand for her to take. The fact that he seemed to be offering his hand rather than forcing her touched her. He wanted her to be in on the joke with him. When she took his hand in hers and he laced their fingers together, she couldn’t help but think that this felt right.

Other than letting go of her hand so she could eat lunch and run to the restroom with Nancy, Steve held Chrissy’s hand every moment that he could. He even let Nancy drive again after their lunch stop.

“How am I supposed to hold Chrissy’s hand hostage if I’m driving?” he’d asked. “That just feels unsafe for everyone involved.”

Chrissy laughed along with him, and it wasn’t like she actually minded having to hold his hand anyway. She realized that she felt safe with him in a way she hadn’t really expected, and her heart melted a little bit whenever she felt him absentmindedly rubbing his thumb against her own. She knew that this was just him joking around with her, but when he offered her his hand again when they got out of the car, she couldn’t help but think that she wouldn’t mind it if he made her hold his hand for the rest of the trip.

Their next stop was the Mothman Museum in Point Pleasant, West Virginia. Shocking no one, this was another one of Eddie’s requests. He’d spent enough time joking about how his goal in life was to be weird enough that he became known as the trailer park cryptid that it only made sense that he’d want to spend time at a museum dedicated to the history of his own favorite cryptid.

Typically, this wouldn’t have been something that either Chrissy or Steve was interested in, but they made it fun for each other. Every so often, he would lean over and whisper the headlines off of the different newspaper articles and the words off the plaques in increasingly ridiculous ways leaving her giggling both from the silly voices and the fact that his breath was tickling her ear.

“Stop it,” she said through her giggles as she turned and pressed her face into his shoulder. He had to know the effect that he was having on her.

"I'm sorry," he said with a smirk. "Am I being too funny and cute for you to handle?"

"You're being a menace actually, Stephen," she told him, using what she assumed was his full name to emphasize her point.

She peeked around where she was hiding her face in his shoulder and looked up at him, and he felt that same grip in his chest that he’d felt when she was making faces at him the day before. If he wasn’t convinced she’d hide her face again or ask him to delete it immediately, he might have pulled out his phone to take a picture of her just to save this moment forever.

“And being cute won’t get you out of your punishment early, Chris,” he said as he gave her hand a small squeeze.

“Would you mind not calling me that?” she asked. “I don’t really like that nickname.”

Jason had always insisted on calling her Chris, and she’d always loathed it. But, no matter how many times she asked him to stop, he never would and insisted that it was their thing. He liked calling her that, and that was all that mattered to him. Forget her feelings or the fact that being called Chris made her skin crawl. His preferences were more important. 

Now, in addition to the distaste she originally had for the nickname, it had a cloud hanging over it in the form of a guy who never really loved her. She just hoped that Steve was the kind of guy to respect her boundaries and not call her that when she said she didn't like it.

"Sorry," he said as he gave her hand another little squeeze. "I won't use it again. Permission to try out other nicknames until I find one we both like?"

"Permission granted. You better come up with some good ones though. I'm very picky about what I’ll let people call me.”

“I’m up for the challenge.”

They made their way into the small gift shop next, and Chrissy was immediately drawn to the little mothman plushies on display.

“He’s so ugly,” she said with the biggest grin on her face. “I love him.”

"You do?" Steve asked.

"I do."

"But you just said he's ugly."

"That's why I like him. He's weird."

"Then, he's yours," he said as he pulled one of the plushies off the shelf.

"You really don't have to do that. I don't need another stuffed toy."

"I know I don't have to. I want to. Think of this as a reward for being such a good sport about your punishment."

He punctuated his statement by giving her hand a small squeeze.

"I thought we'd determined this wasn't a punishment," she said as she squeezed his hand back. "And even if it was a punishment, isn't the whole point of a punishment that it's the opposite of a reward?"

"Quit using logic and let me be nice to you."

Chrissy could feel her cheeks warming, and she moved to hide her face from him again. She wasn’t used to this kind of treatment, and she didn’t know how to respond. But, more importantly, she didn’t know how to thank him properly. The few times Jason had given her a gift, she’d given him a kiss along with her thanks and then snuggled up to him until he inevitably got angry at her for being in his personal space without being willing to put out. She couldn’t exactly do that with Steve. This could all be a purely platonic gesture of friendship on his part, and she’d hate to make things awkward just because she’d misinterpreted everything.

And it wasn’t like she could buy him a gift either. Even if there had been something in that gift shop that he would have liked, she was trying to spend as little money as possible on this trip. Her parents weren’t exactly supportive of her chosen major, and even with her various scholarships, she was afraid that she was going to be left on her own to pay for everything when her parents inevitably decided to stop throwing away money for something as frivolous as they thought her dreams were.

These thoughts stayed swirling around in her head as she let Steve pull her over to the counter to pay for her gift. When he handed her the plushie, she hugged it to her chest with her free arm.

“I wish there was something more I could do than just saying thank you.”

“My gifts aren’t conditional,” he said with a shrug. “You don’t have to do anything other than what you’re doing right now.”

Chrissy could feel herself starting to blush again as she smiled up at him. He was just so genuine in his kindness towards her, and he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal when it was to her. She just didn’t know how to tell him that without making things awkward.

Meanwhile, Steve was trying to play it cool, and he felt like he was failing miserably. Before they’d even entered the gift shop, he’d told himself that he didn’t need to buy anything there. The only person in their group that needed a souvenir of their trip to the Mothman Museum was Eddie, and Steve certainly wasn’t going to buy one for him. But then Chrissy said she liked the weird looking cryptid plushies, and he was rushing to buy her one in the hopes that he’d get to see her smile again.

That was how she could thank him. Just keep holding his hand and smiling at him and looking at him like he was a much better person than he thought he was. She had to realize that he was flirting with her at this point. He felt like he was being so obvious about it, but she was still so closed off with him. Even if she was joking around with him and smiling at him, he could tell that she was hesitant to really form a connection with him. He didn’t know why that was. All he knew was that he wanted to find a way to prove that he was a safe person for her, and he was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen.

Out of the corner of her eye, Chrissy spotted Nancy and Eddie looking over at her and Steve. They were huddled up together and talking, but their attention was clearly on the other couple. Chrissy started to feel self-conscious about what they must be thinking about her. How she’s being so obvious about enjoying her punishment and taking advantage of Steve’s lighthearted fun. In theory, she knew her best friend would never judge her like that, but she couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with them watching her, and she was desperate to not be the center of attention.

“Does you giving me a reward mean that my punishment is over?” she asked.

She didn't really want it to be over, but she felt like if she let it go on any longer, she'd never let him go, and that wasn't something she thought she was allowed to do.

"It can be," he replied as he loosened his grip on her hand.

He didn't want to let go of her, but now he was questioning if he'd gone too far with the whole hand holding thing. She hadn't acted like she'd disliked it, but maybe she'd just gone along with it to avoid hurting his feelings. Those thoughts only made him feel worse about the whole situation. He watched as she let go of his hand and hugged her new plushie to her chest, and he couldn't help but think he'd just bribed her into being okay with him pushing her boundaries. There was no way he could have known that she wanted to be holding his hand as much as he wanted to be holding hers.

Maybe he should have just left things there, but he had to check in with her about this and make sure she was okay. So he placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her to the side away from the cashier in order to give her the illusion of privacy.

"I know this teasing and the hand holding and everything was all supposed to be for fun," he started, "but I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed alright with it in the moment, but I don't know. You just got kind of quiet on me, and the last time that happened, it was because I'd made you feel uncomfortable. That's the last thing I ever want to do, so you can tell me if I overstepped at all, and I won't ever do anything like that again, okay?"

Chrissy hugged the plushie to her chest a little tighter and smiled up at him.

"I liked holding your hand, Steve," she reassured him. "I'm just not used to anyone paying this much attention to me, and I'm definitely not used to people caring about my comfort over their own. Me feeling overwhelmed had everything to do with me and nothing to do with you."

"Are you sure? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"

"I promise you didn't do anything wrong. I will happily hold your hand again in the future - as a punishment or not. I just needed a moment to feel invisible."

He simultaneously felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest and like he needed to go fight someone. He had a pretty good idea about who made Chrissy feel like her comfort wasn't important, and the idea of Jason pushing at her boundaries made his blood boil. He didn't know how he'd do it, but he was going to make it his mission to help her realize she was worthy of being the center of attention sometimes.

Before he could say anything else to her, they were rejoined by Eddie and Nancy.

"How do you feel about cryptid hunting tonight?" Eddie asked them.

"Cryptid hunting?" Steve asked.

"What Eddie means is who wants to go camping tonight?" Nancy asked. "There was a brochure advertising a campground that has tent rentals, and we were thinking it might be fun to do that instead of finding a hotel for the night. My family used to go camping every summer when Mike and I were kids and Holly hadn't been born yet, and Eddie's been loads of times with his uncle, so it's not like we'd be going into this blind. What do you think?"

Steve was against camping. He didn't see the point of sleeping on the ground when beds existed. He was about to voice that opinion, but Chrissy spoke up first.

"That sounds like fun to me," she said. "I always wanted to go camping when I was little, but my parents aren't exactly outdoorsy people. But going with you guys would definitely be more fun than that would have ever been. I say we do it."

"Sounds fun to me, too," Steve agreed. If Chrissy wanted to go camping, he'd pretend that he wanted to go too. This was their graduation trip anyway. He was just along for the ride, and if they all wanted to do something, he wouldn't be the one to stop them. Plus, he wasn't going to be the one who kept Chrissy from doing something she wanted to do. Especially when he'd just decided that he wanted to make her see that her wants were just as important as everyone else's. He could put up with sleeping on the cold, hard ground if she wanted to try it out.

So the group made a quick stop at a camping supply store to pick up sleeping bags and any other equipment that Eddie thought they'd need as well as a grocery store to pick up whatever they needed to make dinner and breakfast, and then they were off to the campsite.

Since they had tents of various different sizes, Eddie and Nancy decided that they'd get a two-person tent to share, and Steve and Chrissy each chose smaller, single-person tents for themselves. They made quick work of setting up their campsite with Eddie helping out the less experienced members of their group to get their tents erected.

Steve tried to be as useful as he could, but setting up tents and starting fires weren't exactly his forte. He wasn't the outdoorsy type by any means, and it was hard to feel like he was really contributing when all he could do was hold things in place while Eddie did all the real work. He wished he could be more helpful, but he was so out of his element.

But, just when he was starting to feel completely inadequate, Chrissy chose to sit down next to him while Eddie and Nancy got to work on starting a fire for them.

"I feel so useless here," she said as she smiled up at him. "My only camp experiences are from cheer camp, and those had zero really outdoorsy elements to them."

"You'll be the first we go to if we're in need of any backflips then."

"You sure about that? Eddie might try and beat me to the punch."

"He can do a backflip?"

"Oh, he can barely do a somersault, and he'd probably break his neck if he tried. Doesn't mean that'll stop him though."

"Sounds about right. For the record, I probably feel just as useless as you do. This isn't really my thing either," he told her.

"Maybe so, but I'm sure you have plenty of skills that could be useful out here. I mean, you spend a lot of your time entertaining those kids, right? I bet you're great at telling scary stories around the campfire."

"Oh yeah. The king of keg stands and scary stories."

"I'm expecting something pretty impressive from you then," she said as she nudged him with her elbow. "I don't scare easily, so you better make it really good. I want to have nightmares."

"I'll do my best."

And, just like that, he didn't feel so useless anymore. Somehow, she was able to say exactly the right thing to wash away all of the insecurity that he was feeling, and he felt better just sitting next to her. She rarely left his side for the rest of the evening almost as if she could tell he wanted to have her around.

She stayed sharing his space as they made their dinner, and she let him convince her that she would be doing herself a disservice if she didn't have a second s'more. She laughed at his jokes and seemed genuinely interested in everything he had to say. He'd made it his mission to make her feel better about herself, and here she was doing exactly that for him.

When they were done eating, Chrissy was the first to suggest that they tell scary stories around the crackling fire, and she urged Steve to get up and be the first to perform. And he did just that. 

Truthfully, it wasn't even his story. It was one that Dustin had told to the party during a sleepover at Steve's. Something about monsters in the woods that prey on their victims' worst fears and contort their bodies into pretzels made of broken bones as they grow stronger at the sounds of their screams. It had even shaken up Max who prided herself in being unaffected by anything scary, so he figured it was the perfect one to tell Chrissy when she said she didn't scare easily.

He put everything he had into that story, and the fact that Chrissy seemed completely enthralled by him only urged him to be bigger and bolder in his storytelling. Anything to keep her attention on him.

When his story came to an end, Chrissy could feel the goosebumps prickling her skin. She was about to say something - maybe congratulate Steve for successfully spooking her - when Eddie snuck up behind her and grabbed her waist causing her to shriek.

She jumped up from her seat as she pulled Eddie's wiggling fingers away from her sides.

"You jerk," she pouted. "Why would you do that?"

"I needed to get back at you for ganging up on me earlier."

"Why didn't you scare Nancy then? She was the one who started it."

"The last time I tickled Nancy, she almost broke my hand, so I figured scaring you was the safer option."

"Leave her alone, Eddie," Nancy said as she beckoned for him to sit back down next to her.

Eddie crossed back over to sit with her and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend to half pull her into his lap.

"What kind of brother would I be if I didn't mess around with her on occasion?"

"A nice one," Chrissy said as she sat back down in her original seat.

Eddie scrunched up his nose and shook his head.

"Could never be me," he teased.

Steve moved to sit back down next to Chrissy and fully turned his attention on her.

“I didn’t freak you out too much, did I?” he asked.

“I’m okay. Some people just like to mess with me a little too much for their own good,” she said as she gave Eddie a very pointed look.

"I'd suggest we stick something gross in his tent while he's sleeping, but that would also punish Nancy, and she definitely doesn't deserve that."

"It's fine. I don't need to get revenge. Not tonight at least."

"You sure you're okay then?"

"I promise. I told you that I wanted to be scared, and you delivered."

"And here I was hoping that you'd want to hold my hand again for comfort."

"I guess you'll just have to wait until I go back on my word again for that."

Their night wrapped up shortly after that. Nancy was starting to get tired, so she and Eddie put out the fire before she dragged him over to their tent with Steve and Chrissy retreating to their own tents shortly after.

It was only once she was alone and fully enveloped by the darkness of sleeping outside that Chrissy really started to feel spooked. She hadn't realized just how dark and isolated it was going to be alone in her tent when she'd said she wanted to go camping. She had almost calmed herself down enough to sleep when she heard a few twigs snap entirely too close to her tent for her comfort, and she was putting herself into a panic again.

Part of her wanted to go to Eddie since it was his fault she was so worked up to begin with, but she didn't want to punish Nancy for his bad behavior. She just didn't think she was ever going to be able to fall asleep if she stayed in her own tent by herself, and that meant her only other option was to go to Steve. She just hoped he wouldn't be annoyed by her intrusion.

When she poked her head out of her tent, she noticed that Steve's tent was still lit up by his lantern, so she figured she at least wouldn't be waking him if she went to him. She was still trying to decide if that was a good idea or not when she heard another twig snap, and the next thing she knew, she was gathering up her sleeping bag and pillow and racing over to Steve's tent.

"Steve?" she said from outside the tent.

"Chrissy?"

That was all she needed to hear before she pulled open the tent flaps. When she could see inside, she was surprised to find Steve wearing glasses and holding a book open in front of him.

"Oh. You're reading?"

She hadn't meant it in a negative way. Honestly, she hadn't. That just wasn't something she'd expected from him. The Steve that all of the other cheerleaders talked about just didn't seem like the type to spend his free time reading novels. But the hint of surprise in her voice was still enough to hurt him.

Steve was used to people treating him like he was just another dumb jock. He'd been hearing digs about his intelligence from everyone in his life for as long as he could remember. His parents, his teachers, even his closest friends - they all had something to say about how stupid he was. But Chrissy hadn't said anything like that to him in the short time he'd known her. She never made him feel dumb.

And yet, she was standing there surprised because how could someone as dumb as Steve Harrington even know how to read in the first place. Maybe it was dumb of him to think she was different, but that didn’t stop the pain in his chest from growing.

“Yeah. I do that on occasion.”

“Of course, you do,” she stuttered out. “I never said you didn’t.”

“Sure. Did you want something or can I get back to this?”

He was being short with her, and he regretted it instantly when he saw the way she flinched at his words, but he didn’t have the patience to deal with yet another person who thought the mere idea of him reading was ridiculous.

“It’s nothing,” she said, staring at the ground to avoid looking at him. She didn’t understand why he was being so cold to her all of a sudden when they’d been fine an hour ago, but she didn’t want to bother him and make things worse if she had somehow ruined things between them. She should have known that she was nothing more than a nuisance to him. “I’ll be fine. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

It was only when she turned to leave that he realized she was carrying her sleeping bag and pillow with her. As hurt as he was feeling, he couldn't let her walk away. Not when it seemed like she was looking for somewhere else to sleep.

"Wait. What happened?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"It's stupid. I just - you know how I said I don't scare easily? Well, I lied. I love scary stories, but I can't handle them, and Eddie grabbing me like that only made it worse. Put me on edge even more. And I thought I was going to be okay, but then I heard something in the woods, and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I thought about getting Eddie and making him sit with me until I calmed down, but I didn't want to bother Nancy, and I can't keep stealing her boyfriend from her just because he's my best friend, and he gets me. And I was just going to deal with it on my own, but I saw your tent was lit up, and I thought maybe you'd be okay with me staying in here with you just until I could calm myself down. Or maybe the whole night even though that would make it kind of crowded in here since this tent isn't really made for two people. I don't know. I just know that was apparently the wrong thing to do because you're clearly upset with me, and I'm probably making it worse right now. So, again. I'm really sorry I bothered you. I'll just go back to my tent and leave you alone."

She was practically shaking as she spoke, and he could tell she was close to tears. It broke his heart to see her this way, and he couldn't help but think that it was primarily his fault since he'd only told that stupid story in the hopes that it would impress her. Even if she'd hurt him, he couldn't let her go back to her own tent. Not when she was this upset.

"You can stay here if you want," he told her.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "I really don't want to impose and take up too much of your space."

"There's plenty of room in here for you. It's fine. I promise."

Chrissy let herself the rest of the way into the tent and started to set up her sleeping bag. She attempted to keep her space as far away from Steve as possible since she was pretty sure that he was only letting her stay there out of pity, and she didn't want to invade his space any more than she actually had to. It was such a small tent though, and she found herself practically on top of him anyway.

"Thank you," she said as she crawled into her sleeping bag. She was still a little on edge, but she already felt safer just sharing Steve's space. She didn't know why, but she was certain nothing bad would happen to her while he was there.

She didn't want to bother him anymore, but now that she was already there, she was curious about what he was reading. If Steve Harrington was a reader, she needed to know what kinds of stories he was interested in.

"What are you reading?" she asked.

Before Steve could respond, Chrissy heard a crunch of something outside the tent, and she flinched again. He wasn't exactly interested in starting a conversation about his book when he was pretty sure that the mere idea of him reading was ridiculous to her, but with the way she was curling in on herself at every little sound, he figured that she could use a distraction.

"The Princess Bride," he told her. "Eddie threw it at me last week and said I needed to expand my horizons and open my mind to one of the greatest stories ever told."

"He's been telling me the same thing for ages. I've never gotten around to it though."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. School and cheerleading and everything else just seemed to take up all my time. I'm sure I'd like it if I ever actually sat down to read it. I just haven't. Is it any good?"

"I'm not very far into it, but I'm liking it so far."

There was another noise outside the tent, and Chrissy flinched again.

"I could read it to you if you want?" he offered. Anything to take her mind off of the noises outside the tent and help her calm down a little.

"You don't have to do that. I don't want to impose on you any more than I already have."

"I wouldn't have offered to do it if it wasn't something I was willing to do. Sometimes people do things just because they're nice and they want to, you know?"

It wasn't that simple for Chrissy though. She'd spent so much time being told that doing anything for her was a chore that she was always second guessing whether people actually wanted to be around her and were genuine in the kind things they said and did for her. It had taken her months to come to terms with the fact that Eddie genuinely wanted to be her friend. How could she be expected to understand Steve's motives so soon after meeting him?

He seemed genuine though, and she felt like she could trust that he was telling the truth right now. Even still, she couldn't let him burden himself for her.

"You're already a decent way into the book, and I'd hate for you to restart it on my behalf. Especially when I'll probably fall asleep soon now that I feel safe. You don't have to do anything special for me."

It wasn't lost on him that she said felt safe now that she was in his tent. After she'd been so afraid in the car the day before, all he'd wanted was to make sure she knew that there was no reason to be scared around him, and now she was seeking him out for protection. It made him feel a little bit better about himself.

"So I won't start over," he told her. "I just feel like you could use the distraction, and if I'm reading out loud, it might drown out the noises outside the tent and help you get to sleep a little easier. And I can always go back to reading silently after you're asleep. It doesn't have to be a big deal."

"Okay. You can read to me."

Steve picked the book back up and began to read to her. In the passage he was currently on, the lovers had just been reunited, and Westley was waxing poetic about how beautiful Buttercup was. But, then she asked what he thought of her mind, and all of a sudden there was no time to talk about anything because they had to get moving. Chrissy felt a pit growing in her stomach the more she thought about it.

How many times had she been told that being beautiful was her only real skill? Jason had only cared about having a beautiful, popular girl on his arm. All of his compliments had been about her appearance, and there had been the subtle digs when he felt like her beauty wasn't up to his standards. He hadn't cared about anything she'd ever had to say or her thoughts and feelings. And maybe Westley hadn't meant it that way in the story, but his dismissal of Buttercup's request to hear what he thought of her mind put her right back into her relationship with Jason and that constant nagging feeling of inadequacy.

She was close to a full on hate spiral when she was broken out of it by a rustling of leaves and the sound of a twig snapping outside the tent. She flinched and moved closer to Steve, and he paused in his reading to make sure she was okay. She just looked so small and scared. He finally understood what she meant when she said Eddie had told her she looked like a bunny rabbit when she was frightened.

He wished there was more he could do, but his reading to her clearly wasn't enough on its own. The more Chrissy clung to him, the more he wanted to help her. He had to find another way to distract her.

"She remained unconscious for a very long time," he continued reading. "Westley busied himself as best he could, cleansing the Snow Sand from ears and nose and mouth, and most delicate of all, from beneath the lids of her eyes."

As he listed the features of Buttercup's face in the book, he traced those same features on Chrissy. A finger trailing down the bridge of her nose. Caressing the shell of her ear as he pushed her hair back behind it. The swipe of his thumb along her lower lip. Gently using his index and middle fingers to close her eyelids. And as he did this, she seemed to relax beside him. She curled up close to him and rested her head against his shoulder. Her hands rest against his arm right where his t-shirt hit his bicep. She clung to him not because she was scared but because he was a source of comfort for her.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't mention it."

He kept reading aloud for only a little bit longer - only until he was certain she'd fallen asleep - and then he set the book aside, took off his glasses, turned off his lantern, and drifted off to sleep along with her.

"Chrissy is missing," Nancy said as she climbed back into the tent she was sharing with Eddie.

"What are you talking about?" He was still half asleep, and it was way too early in the morning for him to fully comprehend what she was telling him.

"When I came back from the outhouses, I noticed Chrissy's tent was open, but she wasn't in there and neither was her sleeping bag."

Eddie pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Her sleeping bag was gone? I have an idea of where she might be."

Eddie left the tent with Nancy following close behind him.

"Five bucks says she's in there with him," he said as he crept over to Steve's tent.

Nancy placed a hand on Eddie's arm and pulled him back slightly.

"Maybe we don't bother them. I don't hear anything, so they're probably still asleep. Why don't we go back to our own tent and wait for them to wake up?"

"But I want to bother them about it now."

"For someone who's supposed to be Chrissy's best friend, you're terrible when it comes to knowing how she'll react to things. If we ambush them now, she'll be too embarrassed to say anything, and I know Steve. If she's embarrassed and doesn't want to talk about what happened between them, he's not going to say anything either just because he won't want to do anything to upset her further. We need to let them leave the tent on their own terms, and then we can divide and conquer to find out what happened last night."

Eddie sighed.

"Why do you always have to be right?"

"Because one of us has to be." Nancy reached up to kiss Eddie's cheek. "Now get back in our tent. I don't want them to overhear us."

Meanwhile, back inside Steve's tent, Chrissy was just starting to wake up. Camping wasn't exactly what she'd hoped it would be, and she was a little stiff from sleeping on the ground. It took her a moment to remember that she wasn't in her own tent, but it was hard to forget that she'd slept next to Steve when she was still curled up against his side. She tried to put a little distance between their bodies, but when she moved away from him, he stirred.

"G'morning," he mumbled as he rolled over to face her.

"Good morning."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Okay. Thanks to you."

"I told you not to mention it. It's no big deal."

"It might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me. So I will mention it, and I will thank you. I know I was maybe a little irrational, but you calmed me down and made me feel safe. Most guys wouldn't do that."

"You must not know many decent guys then."

"I didn't. Not until this trip at least."

And she meant it. Steve was clearly one of the good ones. Not the type of guy who only said he was a good guy until he was actually presented with the opportunity to be a decent human being and failed. No, Steve was genuinely a good person. Last night proved that she didn't have anything to be afraid of when it came to opening her heart up to him.

"Should we get up?" she asked. "I'm sick of laying on the ground."

"Me too. Remind me to never go camping again unless it involves an RV so I can sleep in a real bed."

"Only if you remind me to never try to sleep outside again. I need real walls and a door that locks for my peace of mind."

"Deal."

The two got up from their sleeping bags and readied themselves to exit the tent. Before they could leave, Chrissy stopped them.

"I meant to say this last night, but I was a little preoccupied. I just wanted you to know that I really like your glasses. They suit you."

"I only really need to wear them when I'm reading, but I try not to wear them when anyone else is around. You don't think they make me look like a dweeb?"

"A very handsome dweeb."

"Oh, so you think I'm handsome now?" he asked with a teasing smirk. "I feel like that's a step up from funny and cute, don't you?"

"I think I need to stop complimenting you. Your ego is going to get too big to fit in that car with us," she teased right back.

He reached out and gave her hip a tiny pinch which earned him a giggle from her as she flinched and swatted his hand away before exiting the tent. He followed close behind her, and they'd barely been outside for a full minute before Eddie was bursting out of his own tent and racing over to Chrissy.

"Chrissy, come take a walk with me," he said as he started to pull her away from Steve. "I saw the most amazing tree last night, and I need to show it to you. Right now."

Chrissy let herself be dragged away by her best friend, but that didn't stop her from being confused.

"Alright, Evan Hansen," she started. "Since when have you been interested in trees?"

"Since always," he replied. "But a better question would be is there anything you want to share with me about last night?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

“Oh really? So nothing happened between you and Steve?”

“Again, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

"Sure you don't. Then why was your sleeping bag not in your own tent?"

"Well, I'm not sure if you know this, but my best friend is kind of a jerk, and he scared me half to death last night even though he knows I scare easily and don't do so well with that kind of thing. And I couldn't very well go bother him without punishing his girlfriend who did nothing wrong, so I asked Steve if he wouldn't mind me sharing his space for the night. Nothing happened in that tent other than sleeping."

"So you didn't snuggle up with and smooch his face off?"

"What are you? Five?" Chrissy asked through a laugh. "No. Nothing happened between us, and we kept our hands to ourselves the entire time."

That wasn't exactly a lie. Eddie just didn't need to know about the way that Steve was finally able to get her to calm down. She'd never hear the end of it if she told him about every gentle touch of her face or the way that she gripped his bicep for comfort as she tried to fall asleep. Some things were better left between her and Steve.

"That's a shame," Eddie replied. "Because I was thinking that he'd make a good temporary replacement for that Fozzie Bear plush of yours. They're practically twins when you think about it, what with Steve being so hairy and all."

"Don't you dare bring that up in front of him. Any mention of the Muppets around him, and I will never forgive you."

That's how Eddie knew that Chrissy was actually starting to have feelings for Steve. Her love of the Muppets wasn't exactly a secret, but she didn't broadcast it to the world, and he knew for a fact that she'd never told Jason about it. She'd said that it would make it impossible for anyone to be attracted to her if they knew that she watched every piece of Muppets media that she could get her hands on, and it would be doubly impossible if they knew she drew comfort from a rather sizable Fozzie Bear plush. So, if she didn't want Steve to know about this, it meant that she wanted him to be attracted to her. She wouldn't have cared if a guy that she just wanted to be friends with knew about it.

Meanwhile, back at the campsite, Nancy was being much more direct with her interrogation.

“Did you spend last night making out with Chrissy?” she asked as soon as Eddie and Chrissy were out of earshot.

“Excuse me?” Steve practically choked on air.

“You heard me. She very clearly slept in your tent, and I need to know what happened.”

“How do you know she slept in my tent? Were you spying on us?”

“What? No. You didn’t zip up your tent when you left it this morning, and I can clearly see that there are two sleeping bags in there.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” he insisted.

“Steve, I know you, so I can tell when you’re lying. I just want to know if I need to keep Eddie from murdering you over you taking advantage of his best friend.”

“Jesus. It was nothing like that,” he promised. “Chrissy was spooked by something in the woods, so she asked if she could stay with me. She just didn’t want to be alone, and she slept in my tent in her own sleeping bag. Literally nothing happened.”

Nancy could tell that Steve was telling the truth. He’d never really been the best at lying, so she could typically see right through him. However, she could tell that he wasn’t telling her the full story. She figured that he wouldn’t tell her anything else, so she’d have to see what Eddie was able to find out and then see if Chrissy was more willing to fill her in on what happened.

She found her opportunity shortly after they’d finished their breakfast. They had a long day of driving ahead of them if they wanted to get to Myrtle Beach before they were all too tired to function, so Steve wanted them to get on the road as soon as possible.

“Why don’t Chrissy and I start bringing the bags to the car while you and Eddie return the tents?” she suggested. “That should save us a little time.”

She didn’t wait for anyone to respond. She just grabbed some of their bags and started ushering Chrissy towards the campground’s parking lot.

“So, I hear someone slept all snuggled up next to Steve,” she teased.

“Did he tell you that?” Chrissy asked, her eyes going wide.

“No, but I think you just did.”

“Oh, it wasn’t like that. Those single person tents are just so small that it's hard not to be right up next to someone if you're sharing."

"Well, I hope you weren't too close to each other for your sake. Just because Steve is really ticklish along his sides, and I would hate for you to be on the other end of his flinching."

Of course, Nancy knew that Steve wasn't sensitive enough to flinch at every little touch. He was only really ticklish when you actually tried to tickle him. However, she also knew that you didn't go around tickling just anyone, so she was planting a little seed of a way that Chrissy could flirt with him if that's what she was trying to do.

Chrissy could feel her cheeks warming at the mere idea of being that close to Steve and touching him in that way. She had an inkling that he would be open to goofing around with her in that way from the little teasing and poking at her that he'd done so far. She just needed an opportunity to arise where it wouldn't be weird for her to touch him in that way.

Meanwhile, Eddie was having his own similar conversation with Steve as they walked back from returning the tents.

"So, have you kissed her yet?" he asked.

"What is with you and Nancy having this weird obsession with whether or not I've made a move on Chrissy? Which, for the record, I haven't. I doubt that's something she'd want anyway, so nothing is happening there unless she makes the first move."

"You're kidding right?"

"Why would I kid about something like this?"

"I don't know. But she's clearly interested in you, so I also don't know why you'd think she wouldn't want you to kiss her."

"She doesn't think I'm good enough for her."

"You're full of shit. Why would you think that?"

Steve sighed.

"When she came to my tent last night she was surprised that I was reading. Like she was audibly and visibly shocked that I was smart enough to read, and that stung. A lot."

"Did she actually say that she didn't think you were smart enough to read?" Eddie asked.

"Well, no, but it was all in her tone. The idea of me holding a book was ridiculous to her."

Eddie placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and stopped him from walking any further.

"I promise you that Chrissy's not like that. She would never outwardly judge someone like that. I'm living proof. She may have threatened to kick my ass if I didn't graduate, but she never made me feel bad about myself for struggling with school. I don't know what you think happened, but she wasn't judging you."

Steve shrugged.

"Whatever you say. I'm still letting her make the first move. I don't want to make the rest of the trip awkward if we're both wrong about her."

"I could talk to her if you want. Put some feelers to see if she's open to kissing all over that pretty face of yours."

"Don't. I think I've got this handled on my own."

"If that's what you want. The offer's still there though."

Once the group was back together, all talk of whatever was starting between Chrissy and Steve ceased. They got back on the road, and Chrissy abused her aux cord privileges by using them to allow Nancy to put on her personal metalhead playlist. They were making good time, but they didn't want to have to make too many stops if they didn't have to, so the group consensus was that it would be best if they just pulled through a drive-thru for lunch.

Of course, this only made Chrissy self-conscious of her eating habits again. She was trying to ignore the little voice in the back of her head that said she was too fat to enjoy fast food, but no matter what she did, it was still there.

When it came time for her to order, she got a children's order of chicken nuggets and a side salad with no dressing. It wasn't exactly an ideal lunch, but it would do in a pinch. And, since she ordered two items, maybe no one would notice that her lunch seemed so small compared to everyone else's.

Steve noticed though. He was the one placing all of their orders, so he knew exactly what each person was getting, and that meant he was well aware of how pitiful Chrissy's lunch was. She was the only person in the car who didn't ask for fries, and he knew that if it was him who hadn't ordered fries, he'd regret it as soon as everyone else had their food and he saw what he was missing out on.

So maybe he ordered extra fries for himself. That way he would be able to find a way to offer her some.

"Alright, I have another very important job for you as my passenger seat rider," he told her after they had their food and were back on the road.

"Lay it on me."

"I need to keep my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road, so I need you to be my official fry feeder if you're up to it. Your reward for doing this very important job is that you can have as many of my fries as you want. I think I ordered way too many anyway."

"I think I can do that."

Chrissy fed Steve fries every so often. Mostly when he prompted her to, but occasionally she would just know when he was ready for another and have it waiting for him when he turned his head. She knew he told her to help herself, but she was struggling with whether or not it was okay to have them.

But she was on vacation. That was what Steve had told her the other night when they got ice cream. There was nobody there to tell her that the fries were bad for her, and it wouldn't kill her to have a little treat. Plus, her lunch wasn't exactly filling, and the fries were right there. She could let herself enjoy just a few right now and then choose something healthy for dinner. It was all about balance.

So, after feeding Steve another fry, she snagged a couple for herself and allowed this one tiny indulgence. The smile on Steve's face when he saw that she was eating went completely unnoticed.

"Pull over at the next rest stop," Nancy said from the backseat. "I need a bathroom break."

"Me too," Chrissy agreed.

Steve pulled in at the next gas station, and the girls ran off to get the restroom key from the gas station attendant.

"I'm gonna go grab a drink while we're here. You want anything?" Eddie asked.

"Nah. I'm good. I'll just stay here and keep the air running while you're gone."

Eddie started to make his way towards the gas station entrance, but he got distracted by a sign by the door. After a quick investigation, he was running to meet the girls by the bathroom door.

"Come with me if you wanna see something that has the potential to be really cool," he told them before leading them back behind the building. Waiting for them there was a small structure with a sign that read 'Museum of Weird Things.'

"Can we go in?" he asked practically bouncing with excitement.

"Only for a little bit," Nancy said. "I don't want to throw us too far off schedule."

Eddie practically pushed the girls into the building. None of them really knew what to expect, but it was actually a pretty interesting little shack. Sure, some of the weird things were random rocks that were supposed to look like celebrities and obviously photoshopped pictures of cows levitating because of UFOs, but there were some genuinely interesting weird things in there along with the laughable ones. The centerpiece of this roadside shack was a taxidermied squirrel with two heads and three extra arms. Eddie was the most fascinated by it, but Chrissy and Nancy thought it was pretty cool as well.

As they were examining the squirrel, Chrissy couldn't help but feel like something was missing, but she couldn't quite place her finger on what. Just as she had that thought, her phone went off in her hand. She checked her notifications, and the most recent one was a text from Steve in their road trip group chat. It was a selfie of him sitting in the car with a very forced and awkward smile, and he'd captioned it with 'having so much fun on this road trip with all my friends.'

"Oh no."

"What is it?" Nancy asked.

"We forgot about Steve."

"Shit," Eddie muttered. "Let's just go back to the car. He's probably pissed."

"No," Chrissy said as she stopped him from leaving. "You guys stay here, and I'll go grab him. The least we can do is allow him to give this place a look after coming here without him."

They let Chrissy run off, and as she approached the car, she couldn't help but feel guilty. She hadn't meant to forget about him waiting in the car. She'd just let herself get wrapped up in what Eddie wanted to do, and now she felt awful.

When she got to the car, she knocked on the driver's side window and got Steve to roll it down for her.

"I'm so, so sorry," she said as she leaned forward and rested her forearms on the car door. "Do you want to go see a squirrel with two heads and five arms?"

"I don't know," he replied. "Are you sure I'm wanted? Feeling pretty forgotten and lonely out here."

Steve was content to keep up the bit and play the jilted friend stuck waiting in the car, but he also really wanted to see that squirrel. She could see through his act though. If he wanted to play, she could play, too. She stuck out her lower lip in a pout and batted her eyelashes.

"Please come see the shack. For me?" she pouted. "How can you say no to this face? You can even hold my hand hostage again as a punishment again if you want."

Steve was not immune to how cute Chrissy was. There was no way that he could say no to her. Not when she was looking at him like that and offering to hold his hand again.

"I thought we agreed that me holding your hand wasn't a punishment?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

"So, I'll owe you one then. Two actually since I still owe you for sharing your tent with me last night. Now, will you please get out of the car and come with me?”

Steve rolled up his window and turned off the car before climbing out.

“I’m only going with you because I want to see the squirrel. I reserve the right to give Eddie and Nancy the silent treatment for as long as I want until they sufficiently make it up to me.”

He held out his hand for Chrissy, and she took it happily.

“Go easy on them,” she told him. “The squirrel is cool enough that you’d forget all about us, too. And maybe you could take a picture of Mister Fibbley with it? That might be cool, right?”

He gave her hand a small squeeze.

“I like the way you think.”

[cloudcountry]

i created my own ikemen wrapped for 2023. this is how i feel about the routes i played by the end of the year!!

this isnt spoiler free so tread carefully!!

IKEMEN VAMPIRE!!

im sorry jean you would have had a higher rating if i DIDN'T play your route. i'm mostly neutral towards a lot of them but i ADORE the top four. it becomes even funnier when you realize that the top four are the only ones whose routes i have completed.

i played isaac's route twice, shakespeare's route twice, vincent's route once, and arthur's route once. i started comte's route only to drop it, and i am currently on jean's route!! i did not diversify my suitors at all JAHSJASGHD

a memorable thing about each suitor i played this year:

one thing i remember about isaac is when he started to fall in love with her, the scene in the church when he tied that ribbon in her hair. i nearly choked when he called her darling, he was smiling so sweetly and holding her so close. it was such a tender scene.

( honorable mention to that certain fanart i was tagged in so many times that the op called me a true isaac lover or something along those lines. it made me really happy that so many people, even people i didn't know, knew how much i adore him. )

for will, my most memorable moment of him was when i realized i loved him after playing vincent's route. i hadn't cried that hard over a character's misfortune in a while, but will's always been good at giving me a rollercoaster of emotions.

( honorable mention to vio calling my love for will blinding, ive thought about it a lot ever since she said that C: )

my most memorable moment of vincent was when he tried so hard to make mc genuinely smile on her first few days in the mansion. he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable so he tried his absolute best to make sure she could be herself and be happy. he really is an angel.

for arthur, it is one hundred percent his apology to mc for almost biting her. i've never seen him look more like a sad puppy in my five months of playing and honestly, it was so nice to see him reflecting on his actions and actually being able to admit his feelings (since we know arthur isnt the best with that.)

( once again, honorable mention to my enemies to lovers arc with this man. he's really not as bad as he appears, he is one of the most tender hearted and sweet men in the whole game. give him a chance if your heart allows it!! )

even though i'm not done with either comte's or jean's route, comte's most memorable moment was when he called the mc strong in chapter one. it was nice too see someone acknowledge her situation and try their best to help her instead of biting her. side eye.

and on that note, i'm sorry jean but your most memorable moment is the only one that made me angry. i hate that he bit her and i hate that the writing just skipped past it like it meant nothing. im blaming this on the writing itself because i believe jean's route is a good route so far, but it would have been so much better if it had a different beginning. but if i pick one that was actually wholesome, i'd say whenn he took her to the field of lilies and said the flowers were very her.

i started playing on july 2nd, 2023!! and what a journey it has been ^^

IKEMEN PRINCE!!

my first route was yves!! i wanted to play licht's first but people talked me out if it because his route is HEAVY!! i ended up playing rio's, then licht's, then nokto's, then i played about halfway through clavis's before keith's route was released. i played keith's route twice and then hopped back over to clavis, and i'm currently finishing up his route!!

a memorable thing about each suitor i played this year:

when mc chased after yves when he was leaving for obsidian just to tell him she loved him i was SCREAMING. i remember really admiring how much strength it must have taken to go to the kingdom that abandoned you.

for rio, it was 100% the discussion he had with nokto about how he doesn't want to be with mc because he might put her in danger by being with her, but ultimately he can't help himself. that was such a good insight into his character.

licht's route was. intense. and because of that it was packed with moments that i agonized over. but overall, i think what nokto told mc about how the closer she got to licht, the more she was hurting him stuck with me the most. it really showcased the bond between the twins and sent a knife through my heart :C

i actually forgot i played nokto's route and skipped right over him, and that probably says a lot LMAO oops. honestly i thought his route's pacing was weird but the romantic ending was very cute. the most memorable moment from his route wasnt even a cute one HELP!!! when mc straight up slapped him for no reason and he was like "oh so slapping me helps you huh??" and she was like " :(( no...." and then they made out like WHAT!!!

clavis is also a very memorable person, and after spending a lot of time analyzing him i know why so many people love him now. something that really stuck with me was his philosophy on government and how the current ruler decides whats right and wrong. i think the same about people in power so it was nice to see my sentiments reflected in a prince.

oooh its time for my favorite prince!! keith also had a lot of memorable moments and ive been sitting here for like ten minutes trying to pick out the best ones.

for nice keith, i'd say the moment when he told mc he would try his best to stop saying "a guy like me" and "i'm sorry" over and over. it really touched me because i know how hard it is to break that habit and it made me really happy when he said he'd try ^^

wicked keith was such a TEASE but the most memorable moment with him was when he and mc went out to that cafe and he actually answered a lot of her questions. i know that may seem trival but it felt like a sigh of trust to me and that felt really sweet.

( honorable mention to the scene were they gave mc the earrings they picked out for her during the christmas event, i actually cried. )

i started playing on july 11th, 2023!!

IKEMEN REVOLUTION!!

my first route was kyle ash and honestly i'd say for a guy i don't like romantically his route was very memorable. he's a great first route and if anyone is a bit indecisive as to who they want to pick i'd definitely recommend him!! ANYWAYS moving on, i played harr's route next, then edgar, zero, jonah, then i tried playing ray's but he was being stinky so i started lancelot's route.

a memorable thing about each suitor i played this year:

like i said, kyle had one of the best route i've ever read. listen to vivi aka the ikerev authority people. i remember lots of bits and pieces from his route, such as his determination to keep people alive, his pig goo, mc making him soup so he wouldnt drink himself to sleep, his gentle care for her once he figured out he liked her, how he pointed out the full moon and told her she could go home and was happy when she chose to stay, how he waited until everything was over to let her know how he felt, how he DIDNT DRINK on the night he wanted to make love to her, OUOTUOROUGUOUROHGH IM TELLING YOU HIS ROUTE WAS TOP TIER. but the thing that stood out to me the most was how him and mc worked together to save amon, and furthermore, to uphold kyle's principles. it was so heartwarming when mc told him to stick to what he believed in (even if i wanted to punch amon's teeth out during that scene)

i would keep talking about kyle's route but i have to move!! on!! because harr's route was peak domesticity. the first time he took his mask off in front of mc is one of my favorite moments (i actually did a happy little dance when i saw the other half of his face ehhe) because it shows such beautiful trust in her and arghgougohugo INSANE.

the most memorable moment of edgar's route was absolutely when he was so hesitant to let alice hold his hands, but when she takes them so comments on how warm they are. it was such an emotional moment because edgar was definitely feeling very complicated but alice was still there for him. i love them together :((

( honorable mention to vio saying i was alice reincarnated when i talked about that scene were they were all calling sweets evil LMAO that made me very giddy ^^ )

( second honorable mention to edgar asking mc if she thought pickles were a wolf in sheep's clothing??? weirdo. )

i was intrigued by zero all the way back in harr's route, and i started to really like him during edgar's route when he was trying his best to protect mc, which was really sweet. absoLUTELY the most memorable moment in his route was when he was fighting against the magic tower and he emerges from the rubble with an injured arm and a smile, just to tell alice "i'm home." i was crying like a BABY. zero i love you. please marry me.

jonah's route is a classic and a fan favorite, and i can see why. he starts out being arrogant and hell (and its irritating tbh) BUT he melts so quickly under gentle love and care. anyways, the red army routes seem to have a theme of giving up your position for what you believe is right because it happened like three times okay!! and jonah became a "traitor" to the red army just to protect alice. it was him and her against cradle and i will NEVER forget that.

lancelot's first impression was really bad but after playing all the red army routes and finally, his own route, i've grown to like him a lot. what really sticks out to me about his route is when he takes mc away from the dance floor because they're being stared at and they have a heart to heart. he tells you a single white rose would suit her or smth along those lines and when i looked up the meaning and saw it meant hope and renewal i DIED.

i started playing on july 27th, 2023!!

IKEMEN SENGOKU!!

my first route for sengoku was mitsunari, then kenshin, then kennyo, then sasuke, then kanetsugu, then yoshimoto. the only routes that didn't bore me to death at the end were mitsunari's, kennyo's (i was actually shocked when the route ended, it felt like the perfect length to me), and sasuke's. i can't speak for yoshimoto though since i just started. i feel like ikesen has a tendency to reallyyyy stretch out the routes but maybe thats just me.

a memorable thing about each suitor i played this year:

mitsunari was such a good first route for me, and the most memorable part of his route was definitely when he challenged nobunaga for mc. not only was it unexpected but i was so proud of him for betting so much on his plan AHGRHGG mitsunari my beloved.

kenshin's route was crazy but EASILY the best part was when mc rode into battle with an army of her own to stop kenshin from FLATTENING the country. she kicked ASS and earned the title "goddess of war" for what she did and that was so cool of her.

i played kennyo's route because of the parallels between him and kenshin and WOW i did not regret it. his route was phenomenal but the most memorable part was when mc and him buried the bell that kennyo had kept with him to remind him of all the lives he felt he was at fault for losing. it symbolized finally letting those people have their peace, and furthermore, kennyo's inner peace. it was beautiful.

sasuke really got me when he THREW himself into battle with kenshin after kenshin lied about him and mc liking each other. sasuke's desperation to let her know that he couldn't stand her being with someone else made my heart RACE. it was so nice to see a suitor finally being on the more "selfish" side.

kanetsugu's route had the Wonderful experience of mc carrying a head!! a decapitated head!! and while i'm sure he has a lot of cute moments (one of them being when he told mc he loved her and she FREAKED OUT) I CANNOT GET OVER MC PICKING UP A DECAPITATED HEAD LIKE ITS NOTHING!!! shes a trooper.

yoshimoto's route gives you the unique (and memorable!!) experience of a warlord actually viewing you as a friend instead of an enemy!! (keep in mind this is coming from someone who has only played ONE oda forces route. im constantly on the "enemy side" oops) i thought his mindset was very refreshing after months of "oh nooo we cant see each other we're enemiesssss"

i started playing on july 27th, 2023!!

this took me so long to write oh my goodness. it was fun though!! im thinking about how all of this information is only five months worth of playing so i dont know how im going to handle TWELVE MONTHS PLUS A NEW GAME but i'll figure it out. i might leave the fandom before then idk!! who knows!! but anyways thank you if you read my thoughts i love sharing them even though i know its a lot hehehe

[beansterpie]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @marley-manson! <3

I would tag people but it's late and my brain is tired so literally, PLEASE just adopt this tag meme if you see it and read the whole thing. You have my full permission to say I tagged you, even if we've never spoken lol. Go for it, be audacious.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

43,487!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well the posted fic is a Berserk fic, but I have various other wips that I pick away at when I'm bored. Among them include Eyeshield 21, MDZS, RotE, Harry Potter (technically?). Those are the most recent ones anyway.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Chain of Dissent, she's my favorite fic <3 (she's my only fic)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yeah I try to! Though I'll admit uhhhh I haven't updated it in... fucking? two years? god, and so I've been bad about responding to the more recent comments because I feel guilty for not updating in so long :') Really gotta get back to it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None, because I haven't finished a fic yet lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far! I've gotten a couple of comments that come across as unintentionally mildly rude, but definitely nothing that constitutes as hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well not so far in CoD, but, ahem, I have written smut in one of my wips lol. Deeply self indulgent but I guess character driven? It's mildly nasty and desperate <3

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't actually written a crossover (yet. well, recently) but they are a bit of a passion of mine lmao. I love ridiculous crossovers, and I'm talking about "a magical portal opens up and throws characters from fandom A into the world (& characters) of fandom B" type shit. I don't need the ways in which the characters interact to make sense, I just want them to be thrown together and see where it goes from there. Fish out of water shenanigans! Characters questioning their own motivations and idea of life by seeing a world entirely different from theirs!! Just like, fun shit! I also absolutely don't need for the two fandoms to be similar lol. I have a somewhat detailed Berserk/Eyeshield 21 crossover living rent free in my head so clearly anything goes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Lol no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I'll probably have to say GriffGuts, because it's a ship that's gripped me by the neck for the past 7 years or something, where my interest in it hasn't really waned.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhhh, idk? I mean I am DETERMINED to finish CoD, so that's out. And the wips I write in my spare time are just like, things I do for fun where I don't put any pressure on myself over it. I'm not planning on posting them anywhere, and I'm not generally planning on 'finishing' them either. I mean if I do finish one, I might post it, but again, they're low key things that I'm not taking too seriously.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I honestly don't consider myself a very strong writer, at least in terms of things like prose and sentence structure, grammar, that sort of thing. I think I'm pretty decent at figuring out the direction that I want the story to go, and all the individual steps that need to happen to get to that point in a way that feels organic (at least, imo.) And I like to think I'm pretty good at characterization-- having the characters behaving and reacting in ways that feel like could concievably happen in canon is generally what I'm going for.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Yeah prose, lol. I mean, I don't actually dislike my more.... utilitarian writing style, mainly because I generally prefer reading more direct writing (unless the lyrical writing is really really good), but I do think I could inject some more illustrative details and metaphors into my writing overall. @marley-manson is SO good at coming up with perfect metaphors to describe a situation or feeling, all while perfectly recreating the character's voice, and I really admire that about her writing!

I also want to get better with having characters like, doing things while they're talking. I find a lot of the conversations I write happen between characters just kind of standing around, which obviously is fine but I'd like to construct scenes with a bit more specificity in the future.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Wait so like, say in a fic that is otherwise written in English, having a line of dialogue written in Spanish when a character is speaking it? I... don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other I guess lol. I mean ideally the line(s) written in the other language are correct lol, and not just badly google translated or something.

Though you know, now that I think about it, I feel like it would work best between languages that use the same alphabet (which does end up narrowing the possible languages down quite a lot) because that way the reader can still sound out the dialogue even if the don't understand the language, which could emulate what the pov character is experiencing. Whereas if it was a fic written in English, and then had a line written in, say, Japanese, the reader wouldn't even be able to sound it out so it's kind of a brick wall. (Unless there's footnotes, but that tends to be a little more clunky in fic than in a published book with pages).

If the readers are supposed to understand the dialogue written in another language, like two characters suddenly start speaking in said other language and we're meant to keep up with the conversation, then I feel like it's just easier to translate their words in whatever language the fic is written in otherwise.

But yeah idk, I think with intent and good execution, anything can work, but it could also be done in a way that's more annoying than anything.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think. It was neopets LMFAO. I remember writing a fic when I was like 10 about Hannah (the adventurer) and Jacques (from the maraqua plot comic) as a romantic couple because I was annoyed at the time that there were multiple fics about Hannah and Garin (or whatever his name was, also from the maraqua plot) getting together even though I thought Garin was BORING and they were just shipped together because they were both usuls (which are overrated imho), even though Jacque was obviously better.

... I may have had a crush on Jacques.

But the first fic that I think I posted anywhere was for Xiaolin Showdown lmfao, probably also when I was 10 or 11 or something. I wrote like four separate fics for that show.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Yeah it's CoD lol. It's the longest thing I've written so far, and I'm overall still very proud of it. I'd probably go back and change some things in the first chapter because it reads a little clunky and like, abrupt to me now, but I'm not doing that until I finish the fic. Allowing myself to go back and edit stuff before I've even finished the story seems like a road to ruin lol.

[sapphyreopal5]

It took me a while to write this, mostly because I've been looking for this stupid photo for a week. Unfortunately, I haven't found it yet, she probably didn't post it, or didn’t tagged Jensen or I just didn't find it.

I'm actually just a silent reader, but I was at the purgatory con again last week and met a girl there.

I saw her taking a photo with Jensen. I was standing a little behind her in line. She seemed to have somehow caught Jensen's attention. Jensen just looked at her completely differently than at everyone else and seemed somehow surprised to see her there. His facial expression and tone of voice were so surprised. After the photo, he also stroked her back and called out "thank you". I mean he thanks everybody but that hole combination was just somehow odd.

I saw her later again outside the hotel and me and my friends chatted with her a bit and she said it was her first convention. Besides that she didn’t talked too much. She wasn't excited or nervous in general and she really didn't look like she belonged to our fandom. We asked her about her photo with Jensen and at first she didn't wanted to show it, but then she did. Let me tell you, I have never seen such chemistry between two people. The two of them just had such a strong charisma together and they didn't look like they had just seen each other for the first time. When I look at the other pictures of Jensen with fans from the convention, Jensen always looks a little tense, his posture is always a little defensive despite the hug (in my photo with him, actually too). But that was absolutely not the case with her. They didn’t even hugged tightly but the vibes they that photo gave were so intense.

I wish I had found this picture. I'll definitely keep looking, maybe I'll find it. But to my question. Did you "see" anything? Like a premonition or however you get your sources? Or was something told to you? I've been following you for a long time and have become very sensitive to all of this and very attentive. I mean man, Jensen deserves someone who really loves him and needs to get rid of that devil of wife… That's why I noticed all of this and, when I saw that girl for the first time, I had a strange feeling and thought "oh, she could be Jensen's type", dont know why, maybe the blonde hair and demeanor, She just had a strong vibe and pretty much took up attention. Even Misha stared at her for a long time. I don’t know, everything was just sooo odd.

Hello Anon, thank you for this ask. Bummer! I have a feeling she just didn't post her photo op online. I will admit I absolutely love this ask for multiple reasons. Although I myself didn't pick up on THIS particular blonde woman, you'll be somewhat pleased to know that the psychic guy I spoke of did... but you won't be pleased to hear the reality of what he told me of her or what my guides said. The psychic guy I spoke of before mentioned the black road he's been on with "many whores" and then the white road with this "woman of destiny". He mentioned she lives in another country (didn't think they'd meet however), is blonde haired with blue eyes, is younger than him (might've been late 20s to early 30s), kind hearted, modest, and I think mentioned more intelligent than Danneel.

Now, as for the catch here. I asked my guides about this woman you mentioned. A deity named Ba'alat answered me (who I know is not afraid of speaking the truth) and said "here is the thing. Yes, [psychic guy] did see this woman. It is true that their destiny was broken by Danneel's black magic. However, this woman and him were a match that was not meant to be in the first place. She needs a man that can actually tend to her."

This psychic guy (who by the way went radio silent on me again for those who are reading this) and his teacher as he puts it use an astrologer to look at someone's charts. It seems they also both receive a lot of visions of things. He kicks up on a decent amount but either it requires interpretation work or they see only part of the picture. Heck, I don't see everything because like everyone else on Earth, I'm a mortal and we have limitations you know? I have stated before for multiple reasons I don't care for astrology. Understand that all divination methods are merely attempts to access the akashic records (where divine plans and divine blueprints are stored) to look at "the future". Herein lies the problem because just about everyone has 100 versions of divine blueprints. Yes, 100 possible life paths all containing certain "milestone events" happening at different times depending on the every day choices we make. The small things we do, the small choices we make every day do really matter more than people realize.

I have stated before this is a redemption lifetime for Jensen. Between the failure that is The Winchesters and the resulting lawsuit, struggling to land leading roles after Supernatural ended, FBBC closing its one and only in house location (clearly can't be doing good if it also stopped its in house brewing back in January), etc., Jensen does have some karma to answer to. The psychic guy did in his words speak about how "they [higher powers] put a surprise in the bag" for sorcerers every time they use black magic to get what they want. He said the higher powers allow things to happen based on someone's karma. This is 💯 correct. I think Danneel has some surprises in her bag and this does unfortunately include Jensen in the mix. I have a bad feeling he will only fully learn his lessons and therefore gain redemption closer to the end if you catch my drift.

You do have me curious with when you said you've been a longtime reader of mine. I do love this ask also because of you telling me my blog has made a difference in how you observe and see the world. It did bring a smile to my face knowing someone actually does care about what my crazy posts say haha. Hopefully that means something to you. My blog at this point is in a way more like a "diary" of synchronocities and such I see in things as they pertain to my life, my divination readings, etc. I'm glad you became more aware of things like this, it's amazing how much the small things really count, isn't it?

Thank you for this ask again. You are always more than welcome to come PM me or send in more asks :)

[impishtubist]

20 QUESTIONS FOR FIC WRITERS

I was tagged by seven of you (!!!) so here are my answers. Consider this an open tag, I have no idea who hasn't done this yet.

---

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

222 if you don't count the hidden ones, 245 if you do.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1.5 million (this does count the hidden ones because I'm too lazy to go subtract them from the total).

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently HP and Good Omens, but I've written for 16 fandoms over the years, and you never know which one I'll go back to.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

-Finding Home (no longer available)

-the spaces between

-Da Capo (no longer available)

-Courtship Rituals (no longer available)

-quicken to the new life (no longer available)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes. I go through fits and spurts of either responding to every single comment, or responding to none. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate comments! But I'm already writing and posting fics for free, and responding to every comment is something that I don't always have the time or mental space for.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Fuck, idk. I don't know what's angst and what isn't. The Fall of Gods, maybe.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write a lot of fluff, actually! Idk how I got a reputation as an angst writer, smh. The Trouble With Quidditch is pretty fluffy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh, sure. But it gets deleted.

9. Do you write smut?

Begrudgingly. It's extremely demoralizing as a writer to know that the only way a fic is going to get attention is if you put smut in it, so I do it sometimes just for the kudos/comments. But I hate every second of writing it.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yep. I've done a HP/GO one, and some cracky Sherlock/Star Trek ones, and probably a few others I can't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep, several of them into different languages.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! @allcanonisrelative is probably the person I've written with the most, but I've written with others as well.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

This changes by the hour so I literally can't answer this question. Maybe Aziraphale/Crowley?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Hm, I have a few unfinished fics on AO3, but I've already admitted that those won't be finished. I have a Sirius/Bellatrix + Sirius/Remus fic in my drafts folder that it would be nice to finish someday, but that will have to wait until I feel like writing Wolfstar again (which will probably be never, thanks to the Remus apologists).

16. What are your writing strengths?

None.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Well, I know that it used to be standard that you would italicize it, and now you're not supposed to do that, so I no longer do. I also think that you shouldn't translate it! Especially not right there in the same line on the fic. If you're writing dialogue in another language, context clues should tell us enough about what the characters are saying that translation isn't needed.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek: TNG.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I never like anything I write, so idk. Price of Memory, maybe, because that one was at least a lot of fun to write.

[television-overload]

20 fanfic questions

Thanks for tagging me @randomfoggytiger !

How many works do you have on AO3?

30, I'm still working on putting more that I wrote either on Tumblr or Fanfiction.net back in the day on my AO3 (if they don't induce too much cringe. Been doing this almost a decade now).

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

137,433 and counting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

NCIS, X-Files, Star Wars, and on rare occasions, Harry Potter

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mother (Star Wars Obi-Wan x Satine), Life Force (more Star Wars), Back to You (old NCIS fic), Like Life Itself (you guessed it, more Star Wars), and sh-boom (X-Files :D)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes, if I get a particularly nice comment that makes me all excited. But I recently read a post where someone was saying you shouldn't reply to comments on your own fic on AO3 because it artificially inflates the number of comments on your story, and I was like :'(

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooh, I've been specializing in angst since I got back into fic writing. Let me think... The Star Wars prequels are inherently angsty, so-- hope like the sun (Star Wars) this could be such a dream (Star Wars) what was once a garden (Star Wars)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Mother (Star Wars), because even though it's angsty, it's a happy ending AU. I'm realizing a lot of my fics that I'm actually proud of have melancholy endings lol sh-boom (X-Files) is a good one too.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I mean, maybe I used to? When I wrote as a teen? Not so much "hate" as "this doesn't make sense," and half the time, the commenter was getting some fact about the fandom wrong anyway haha

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

Nope, never will

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Never a crossover, although I have thought about an X-Files/NCIS crossover. Pretty sure I'd be the only one interested in it though. I am currently writing a Star Wars fanfic that is basically a retelling of The Sound of Music, which is probably as close to a crossover as I'll get.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. But I did have someone ask to print my fic out once to keep forever and that made me so happy :')

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

That would be cool, but no.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I can't. I'm so loyal to Tony and Ziva from NCIS, and they really are fantastic. But even I have to admit that Mulder and Scully are the blueprint. Nobody did co-dependent coworkers turned lovers like them. Both of them have WILD stories about how they ended up with a child though, and I love them for that.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Oof. The forbidden topic. I was writing a fic called "In the Eyes of Tali" on Fanfiction.net once upon a time before they brought back Ziva on the show, and a lot of people seemed to really enjoy it. It was basically the episode Family First from Tali's perspective, which I think is really unique, and then went on toward an eventual reunion with Ziva. I think I could theoretically finish it one day, but there's so much I'm writing now that I doubt it. Maybe I need the proper incentive.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I actually don't know. I've been told I capture characters' voices well before, that's really nice to hear. I hope I'm improving in the description department.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably maintaining good pacing, getting from point A to point B without rushing it, and actually making myself finish what I started. I'm also a little wimp when it comes to not getting comments or bookmarks on a fic, even if it's a small fandom and it makes sense that the engagement isn't as high as I hoped.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Occupational hazard in the Star Wars and NCIS fandoms. Star Wars you're dealing with made up languages (most often for me, Mando'a) and NCIS is usually Hebrew for Ziva. Best you can do is do the research, try to fact check Google, and provide translations if needed for context in the story.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically, Harry Potter. When I was 13 I started a story that I had grand plans for, posted 2 chapters on ffn.net, and then never touched it again lol. But the ones I actually stuck with were (now really cringe) NCIS fics, and they got a decent amount of attention on that site (and even among some old ladies on Twitter that would share links sometimes, how cute is that?)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

So far, either Mother (Star Wars) or Beautiful (X-Files), but recently I've been putting out a lot that I'm finally proud of! I'm hoping they're actually good this time, and not the "good" that I thought I was writing in 2015. I've always hoped I'd build up a base of readers that enjoy my stuff and subscribe for when I post new fics, but I don't think I'm there yet. Easier said than done, especially on Tumblr.

Tagging: @indestinatus @wanna-be-bold @ whoever else wants to do this! I'm out of touch with who writes stuff on here, and also relatively oblivious to people's blog names if I read them on AO3 haha

[freddieslater]

For the "make me write" thing, can I say two? Bigger than the Whole Sky and Guardian Enzo :)

Of course you can!

Bigger than the Whole Sky

Stefan is the first thing that Valerie sees. She's barely awake, and she isn't sure she even really is at all. Not until she feels the very real caress of his fingers against her cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped in her sleep.

Stefan's eyes widen, and he is speaking. Shouting for someone. Then he turns back to her, and his voice floods with alarming relief as he says, 'You're okay.'

'Am I?' she asks uncertainly. Her heart pounds desperately against her ribcage, begging for escape. She can't put her finger on why, but the feeling travels through her, engulfing her. 'What happened?'

His brow furrows, but he softly says, 'You collapsed. One of the nurses said it was from exhaustion, and...' he looks down, at their clasped hands, 'because of the trauma you suffered. Your body shut down trying to protect you.'

Valerie's heart stutters. 'Trauma?' It's all coming back to her, piece by piece, images flashing before her eyes and kicking her in stomach until she can no longer breathe. 'Is it...'

Stefan's eyes widen again and he shakes his head profusely. 'No! No, the nurses said...'

He stops again, the words caught in his throat. He swallows thickly.

'The baby is alright,' he says, breathless.

Valerie understands; the four words wind her, too.

Guardian Enzo (I've been reading your tags everytime you reblog one of my posts and I thought you'd be interested to know that this is actually a sequel to the 7 year old Elena fic!)

'I'm Elena.'

'Damon.'

Elena's head jolts oddly. She frowns, trying to figure out the odd sense of deja vu, but she can't put her finger on it for the life of her. It's not like she's ever met anyone with that name before - she'd definitely remember that.

'What's wrong?' Damon asks, noticing her confusion. His mouth quirks up into a slight smirk. 'Never heard that one before?'

'No, the opposite,' she admits before she can stop herself, then shakes her head as she realizes her own ridiculousness. 'At least, I think, anyway. Deja vu, I guess.'

Damon's smirk falls a centimetre. 'Huh.' Then it softens back out into a smile as he says, 'I could say the same.'

Before she can ask what he means, her phone starts ringing. 'Oh, that's my mom. My parents must be here.'

She glances over her shoulder in search of the car, but when she turns back, Damon is gone. She searches the dark road for any sign of his reatreating form but if he's there, he's blending too well with the shadows for her to pick him apart from the trees. A shiver runs down her spine the longer she looks.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she finally answers her phone and starts walking back in the direction of the party. 'Hey, Mom. Yeah, I'm just coming. Yeah, I told him. I'm fine, Mom, I just feel really bad about it. I never want to upset him, but I couldn't lie to him anymore.'

[prolestariwrites]

EOY Writing Wrap-up

I saw this post and loved the questions, so I'm going to answer them below! Looking forward to another year of writing and fandom!

favorite fic you wrote this year: For sure Unforgiven, it was my baby.

least favorite fic you wrote this year: Love Between Goddess and Demon ended up being kind of disappointing for me. It didn't develop how I wanted it to and I'll admit I abandoned it since it didn't have any readers.

favorite line/scene you wrote this year: Probably the first chapter of Unforgiven, I couldn't wait to get Leon and Jake together again ha ha.

total number of words you wrote this year: 131,491 published!

most popular fic this year: By hits and kudos it was Unforgiven. My oneshot Smoking got the most notes on Tumblr.

least popular fic this year: It was Three To One, which surprised me honestly.

longest completed fic you wrote this year: Love Stuck was my longest completed fic at 23,307 words.

shortest completed fic you wrote this year: Sparring Partners was a oneshot with 1,796 words.

longest wip of the year: Between Goddess and Demon was my longest unfinished fic. I wrote almost 40k words before I put it on pause.

shortest wip of the year: 365 is still a work in progress and has only 18,964 words so far.

fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year: A toss between Resident Evil and LBFAD. I got to write some cool RE stuff and did a short story for a zine!

favorite character to write about this year: Gotta be my boy Leon Kennedy. He's just so easy to torture.

favorite writing song/artist/album of this year: I listened to a lot of Halsey while writing this year lol. I needed the angst.

a fic you didn’t expect to write: Smoking was definitely unexpected! I've never even liked One Piece and when I watched the live action I swore I wouldn't write for it. But then...

something you learned this year: To take my time. I've gotten a lot better at being okay at writing at my own pace instead of some imagined timeline.

fic(s) you completed this year: Altogether I wrote four completed fics!

fics you’ll continue next year: I'll be finishing The Fate That Binds and 365 in 2024. I'd also like to go back and try to finish The Wish since I didn't last year.

current number of wips: I'm actively working on four wips at the moment, two the most seriously.

any new fics to start next year: Yes! I'm going to try to write the last of the Dark Heart series, and I miiiiiight try more One Piece. Maybe.

number of comments you haven’t read: Zero! I read them all and respond to pretty much all of them.

most memorable comment/review: I really liked reading the thirsty reblog tags on Smoking lol

events you participated in this year: I wrote a fic for the LBFAD Mini-Bang! It was so fun to meet some new people and see all the different ideas.

fics you wanted to write but didn’t: I had another Resident Evil fic I wanted to get done but never actually started. Maybe this is the year for it?

favorite fic you read this year: River of Stardust by @yoshi-09

favorite fandom to read fic from this year: I still like reading DMC fic! Also got to read some good Reylo fic and RE fic!

[utilitycaster]

I've been playing pf2e since 2019. I'm a Paizo subscriber and I've been to Paizocon several times. I don't interact with the online community often (I don't like interacting with people online much, honestly), but I have made some posts on Paizo's forums and have spent some time on the pf2e Foundry Discord looking for - and receiving - technical support. Based on my experiences, I would not call the community 'rancid'. It's not perfect. We definitely have our share of grognards (tho a lot of them left when pf2e came out), I don't love everything Paizo the company has ever done, and I don't have much patience with the '5e is bad play Pathfinder' crowd myself. I'm sorry you've had to deal with them. But a lot of the pf2e community is just people who like a thing and are freaking out because that thing is under direct attack from its largest competitor (you yourself said Paizo is the main target of the new OGL). Some of my happiest memories are of the stories my friends and I have told together while playing pf2e on Foundry VTT. The idea that I might lose that because some suits decided they weren't making enough money is... upsetting.

Look, I am going to delete further defenses (or to be fair, attacks on, or any editorializing at all) regarding Pathfinder in my inbox going forward but like. This is about my experiences. I'm very glad you've had positive experiences. I believe it's entirely valid for people who play Pathfinder to be worried and upset about the potential implications of the OGL. I'll admit I am not terribly concerned about Pathfinder from a personal standpoint, but I do have an eye on it in terms of legal implications, and I have a number of concerns about the OGL 1.1 which I've outlined elsewhere. They are actually not relevant to this post. I was already pretty put off by Pathfinder well before the OGL 1.1 stuff, and I do very much include pf2e, because every single mention of pf2e I've encountered has been "5e is bad, play Pathfinder 2e". The people saying that specifically in the tags of my OGL post, or worse, spamming the tags of actual play D&D shows, have moved me from "generally irritated" to "I will never play this; I would honestly rather write my own game if nothing else meets my needs," but this is otherwise not connected to the OGL for me.

There is no way to cancel out how I feel by saying that you do not feel that way, because of the fundamentally individual and unique nature of human experiences, and so, on my own blog, in a post and a follow up that still, put together, have under 30 notes, I am going to say whatever the fuck I want about how I feel about the Pathfinder community. The fact that two separate people have looked at it and instead of saying "man, that sucks but it's not about me, so anyway, going to go have a good time playing Pathfinder", have felt the need to come into my inbox and wring their hands about the relatively tame and mild phrase "rancid vibes", is not helping matters.